buddynotes

[buddynotes]

That’s just perfect!

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Today is Nov. 29.

[buddynotes]

It is almost end of the year. I thought was winning. Suddenly, I am back to zero. Again. I do not understand. Someday, everything is just a past. I hope not.

Today is 25 November. Let it go.

[buddynotes]

I guess, it will forever stay. No matter how hard I fight. I will just lift everything to God.

Today is 11th Feb 2019. You sang for me.

[buddynotes]

I am getting another anxiety attack. I’m not sure where it’s coming from. I should understand that there are several things that I can’t control. I should let go and let God.

Today is 27th Jan 2019.

[buddynotes]

This site is super motivating. Especially now. I need to accept what is and what was. Our lifestyle literally had already changed. No more buying stuff when you feel like it. To save some money, you need to work doubly hard. If you feel like you just want to relax, dont expect for something big.

Today is Jan 12, 2019.

[buddynotes]

How to Get Over You.

This is the first time that I am going to be honest with my posts. My timeline would be December 2019. By then, regardless... I have happily move on and I can’t wait to look back and realized that all these craziness is just silly and embarassing phase of my life. I am inlove with my husband and he is my focus. I do not want distractions.

But for me to reach that goal. I will have to help myself stay focus. Redirect my thoughts and the need to know what’s going on. Eversince I left Singapore, I have tried several times and failed. I am going around circles. I guess it’s gonna take longer than I hope but I will see.

This is going to be a collection of thoughts on how I should move on and get over whatever craziness I am feeling right now. I do not have anyone to talk to about this so it’s all on me. I can only help myself.

Today is 3rd Jan 2019.

I just read an article about how to know when you let go. I just find it funny in my situation. I have been wanting to let go. My heart and my don’t want to. I guess when I started being busy that’s when I will not think about you.

Today is 4th Jan 2019. I gotta start exercising.

I have been unsuccessful today and messaged. Of course, saw this in green. ✅✅. Lately, these 2 checks had been given me disappointments and heartache. So, again, Facebook will have to be avoided.

I was playing mahjong also when I realized, the feeling of finally winning is always wrong. Decisions that I had done were always wrong. No wonder my life is a series of regrets. Regret is actually a strong and wrong word when it comes to wrong decisions. But it just made me realized. I was always wrong. I was wrong to think that I was the one he was inlove with when he said that something happened and that he was inlove with someone else. All the posts he did are not about me. REGARDLESS... It is a sin. It is wrong. I was wrong.

Today is Jan 5th. I shouldn’t have messaged. “Sometimes it’s just better to let things be. Let people go. Do not fight for closure. Do not ask for explanations. Do not chase answers and do not expect people to understand where you’re coming from” - saw from instagram.

So, there was a response when I woke up. Why is it everytime that happens, my focus is all gone. It doesnt necessarily made my day - although sometimes it does. Im such a loser.

Today is 6th Jan. 2019. Back to work.

Last night was one for the books. For the first time, I think, we just bonded and had a serious chat. I know, I know. This is about getting over. I’m still reaching for that. It will definitely be a big year for me when it comes to that goal.

Today is 7th Jan 2019.

I think I already know what to do. I will start hiking. That’s when I will appreciate where are. Then I will forget you.

Today is 8th Jan 2019.

It’s always been a week since I messaged. Myself is again finding reason to share something to communicate. While the last chat was way good. Better than ever. That doesnt mean, I have crossed a certain border where he can easily opened up. My mind is racing again to want to know some answers like who’s the girl who mentioned that she’s still inlove. Isn’t that a red flag already? Why is my and heart so stubborn. Why can’t it just accept to just be grateful with what you have. Learn to let go. Althougj it’s funny that there isn’t anything to let go... I guess in my situation, it’ll just be about accepting what is. Being grateful. Loving the person who deserves all your attention. Praying and being faithful to God. Focus on things that are productive - literally. Like a baby. Or maybe a course or something else uselful to one’s self. Today, we’re gonna go hiking. My first in Canada.

Today is 12th January 2019.

I am pleased with what I have accomplished so far. It’s been 2 weeks. I am glad. I think it’s gonna be that fast.

Today is 20th January 2019.

I was wrong. Today, I suddenly had the urge to be in touch which is as usual, not a good idea. Everything about this scenario is not a good idea. Not healthy. Nothing good will come out of it. From now on, i will focus on some other things - about making money and gaining self-respect.

Today is 23rd January 2019.

Let’s start all over again. My mind is so full of it again. I will not stop to start again until I am able to fully move on. It’s been a year and it’s about time to stop.

Today is 26th January 2019.

We are back to zero. Yep!!! Will always start again. Until it stops then I’ll just keep on starting.

Today is 30th January 2019.

[buddynotes]

I had a breakdown earlier. I think it is much needed good cry since I came here. Sometimes, I am not sure whether being here is a blessing or a lesson. I had too much complaints when I was in Singapore. I know that financially, it was a blessing to be in Singapore. Yet, I complain. I had nothing to do but complain. Lance was right. I was never over my life back in the Philippines. I realized that. In my heart, I know that I tried my best and I got over it when I was in DHL. Suddenly, my life here came calling. Now, I am not sure anymore. I long for my runs at the reservoir. Regardless of the hour. I long for the peaceful and breezy house. I long for my wine and buzz it gave me. I long to smoke. I long for friends. I long for fun night outs. I long for a laughs that I had with my team mates. I long for how funny people can be bitchy most of the times. I long for cheap clothes. I long for a chance to wear fashionable clothing. I long for my exercise in front of my mirror. Here, I earn a lot but it goes back to the government and for the people who doesn’t deserve it. It’s only been 2 months yet I can see the real face of Canada. It is not for everybody. It shortchanges its people. I don’t know what I want anymore. I guess I should also be ready with what I prayed for. I was not and I dont know what to do. I even brought Lance with me to this mess. I hope it is not yet too late. I guess it is true. Do not ask for anything more. You might not be ready with what you asked for. Be careful with what you wished for. I hope I see the good this time around. Today is 19th August 2018. I still think of you.

[buddynotes]

I’m going to be happy in it. Day 15. Today is 13 Aug. Moving slowly.

[buddynotes]

Every little piece of the puzzle had been placed. Now, it makes sense. Sometimes in life, you get to experience side tours of road that you cannot ever consider. When you get to go on a same route everyday, there will be side streets that you see but thinks that you can never pass that street because there wasn’t any reason to go there. You are on the right way. But one day, there’s this tiny thing that would beckon you to try a different route. You find it tempting but then you know you couldn’t be in that path as it may be a long route that would make you be lost. Then you realized, there’s just drama in there. Nothing there really. Then you pull yourself together and go back right in to your same usual route. Never to look back to that direction again. It is a waste of time, logic and emotions. My life is blessed. I will focus on me, my husband and our health. That’s all there is to it. Today is 11 Aug 2018. Just keep healing.

[buddynotes]

10th Aug 2018. Taking it one step at a time. I should not forget how blessed I am that I am here in Canada with my husband. I am here. I live for a moment. I appreciate no drama.

[buddynotes]

I tried to live for a moment. When will this end? Why did I let myself be affected much. I need to find my own happiness. Today is 7th Aug 2018.

[buddynotes]

How can somebody made a deep impact in your life even if you know them in just a short time? How can those trivial yet special moments haunt you every time? How can you stop yourself from longing? How can you stop yourself from thinking the what ifs? How can you forget? Today is 5th Aug. Came from a parade.

[buddynotes]

This blog will be a timeline of moving on. Just like my everyday life in DHL, I will be counting the days until memories do not fill my thoughts anymore and I can only remember the days but there will no longer be feelings of longingness. This is a blog about moving on. Today is 3rd of August 2018.