#also i think im Impulsive rn

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

wow, who knew scraping three inches of Winter Storm off your car at midnight on speedrun would leave you ABSOLUTELY FUCKING WIRED, this was not the goal

[bricky-brikson]

Thinking about the "trilion and 12 years old" joke about Bill and thinking about his psychological development after the Euclydia massacre

In the show, we see that while he can plan ahead and manipulate people, he's often foiled by his own impulsiveness/anger/emotions. His ultimate goal is to escape the Nightmare Realm/Dimension 0. And sure, he says this is because he promised the Henchmaniacs he'd help them, but ultimately as others have pointed out, Bill is terrified of death. He wants to live forever - have "a party that never ends with a host who never dies". All he cares about is himself, his own survival and hedonism

All this to say, Bill has the emotional development of a teen. He hasn't gotten past the self-centredness nor the reward/adrenaline seeking behaviour, but has emotionally evolved enough to be able to manipulate people and such (and be able to feel guilt, even if it's just a picogram). Though his immaturity shows when he doesn't get his way.

One might think that, being a trillion years old, he would've developed a bit, but here's the thing - major traumas can "freeze" people at certain developmental stages. We don't know how old Bill was when Euclydia was destroyed - though considering his behaviour I would bet he was a teen.

(Or whatever the equivalent of that stage is for his species. They have exoskeletons- do they have instars then? Whatever, that's not on the topic of this post)

Seeing his entire dimension destroyed after (what was probably) a well-intentioned attempt to show them what he saw ("They'll see. They'll all see.") permanently emotionally stunted him. However it was he got his powers, he was a teen/young adult with powerful abilities who had just erased an entire dimension from existence and was now accountable to no one but himself while also being deeply traumatized. His constant partying and implied substance use were probably the only coping mechanisms he could think of, dissociating because he has no idea how to actually confront what happened. The way he talks about the massacre - he detaches himself from it yet still admits guilt ("A monster."). Only post-divorce does he implicate himself in the event, though still obscuring its true nature ("I liberated them.").

Being surrounded by individuals who are similarly maladjusted for most of his trillion-year lifespan certainly didn't help things. The Henchmaniacs are likely somewhat stunted as well, or at the very least don't offer much in the way of mature/emotionally adult conversation, especially since Bill reacts so poorly (read: homocidally) to any sense of malcontent.

Which is to say, I think part of why Ford was important to Bill was because, compared to him, Ford was more emotionally developed (Ford is emotionally stunted in his own ways, but not as severely as Bill IMO). Subconsciously, their relationship was reaching a hand out to the scared teenager in the centre of Bill's psyche and offering him someone to lean on- someone who had their shit a little bit more figured out. A kind of figure Bill hadn't had since he killed his parents.

Of course, such vulnerability probably felt so alien that Bill tried to distance himself. I always wondered - why didn't Bill just lie to Ford about his plan to take over Dimension 49'\ ? Ford would've believed him, finished the portal, and Bill's plan would've been fulfilled. Well, I think it was Bill trying to burn the emotional bridge. In his own impulsivity, his own desire to dissociate instead of confront, he would rather make sure that he would never be able to be vulnerable to Ford than fulfill his grand plan.

...

I don't remember where I was going with this. There's no conclusion. I'm spinning this triangular multidimensional tyrant at physically impossible speeds in my mind and if I didn't write something about him my skull was going to turn into a fine powder. It's almost 2 AM, so it's entirely possible this post makes 0 sense, in which case feel free to inform me of that in the notes.

[definitelynotshouting]

(Unimportant trivia babbling, feel free to ignore for any reason, it is 2am and thus my restraint is currently AWOL.)

You mentioned Grian and Impulse in s10e01, and I assume you were talking about how Grian got Impulse to die. This pinged the Trivia part of my brain, and it's 2am so the part of my brain which goes "no don't bug people" is currently off. So here goes:

In the OG Demise in s6, Grian thought people weren't starting to die off fast enough (after about 1 or 2 irl weeks, iirc) and so he set up "Demise Dares", where he paid people a ton of diamonds to do extremely risky minigames. He basically created the first two members of the Dead Team with it. (The Dead Team stuff worked differently in s6 Demise - instead of Boogeyman-like "one kill then you're free", all of the dead were basically like red lives except with no PVP.) (Grian also got the final kill in Demise - he made a trap that killed Doc immediately when he logged in.)

In the same season, he made a minigame called "Dig Straight Down." Kinda similar idea to vertical mining in s10, but not naturally generated. Grian made specific holes for people to dig down into with diamonds and other ores scattered in them, as well as lava. The idea was you dug straight down as much as you dared, but if you went to far, you died and lost all the stuff you dug up.

So yeah. Yet again Grian was the first one to cause a Demise death, and he did it in a similar way to a different minigame he made in s6.

WAIT THIS IS SUCH COOL TRIVIA I DIDNT KNOW HE GOT BOTH THE FIRST AND LAST KILLS IN DEMISE DURING S6...... OHHHH MAN THAT SOUNDS SO FUCKING FUN TO WATCH (and also has such insane tie-ins to hunger au oh my gods)

Also yeah i was talking specifically about the fact that Grian got that first kill...... on Impulse........ like ive got plans for their relationship in hunger au okay, i dont wanna spoil it bc we're VERY close to getting back on hermitcraft within the narrative but MY GODS THAT DID SOME COCOMELON SHIT TO MY HEAD WHEN I SAW IT GO DOWN

[fruityumbrella]

always like 'man these are such complex characters and i have SO SO SO many thoughts and essays about that complexity and their flaws and facets and what sharpened their rough edges and what things those edges catch on and i should write about that!' but then i just want things to be niceys all the time sorry

[marsbotz]

i had a dream i had a beautiful loving friendship with gus fring to match the one where i was besties with mike. im so broken take me BACK!!!!!

[callmehere-iwillappear]

leo voice YES it's in poor taste. but have you considered. it's REALLY FUNNY

[bookworm-2692]

I gotta say the tags you left on that reblog on why you followed me are by far one of the best collections of tags I've ever gotten. but you've awakened my curiosity. What was the Twitch chat that started this? What did I say???? I'M SO CURIOUS BECAUSE BOY HOWDY I'VE SAID SOME INTERESTING THINGS-

I couldn't remember exactly, so I went back and searched Discord for images I sent and apparently it was just a super tame message.

The thing that made it significant, however, was the fact that I had never heard the Diggy Diggy Hole song before this year... despite having watched minecraft youtube videos since 2012. Somehow I missed that. A month or two ago I mentioned something from a different Impulse stream about diggy diggy and my friend @bibliobasilisk forced me to watch several iterations of the song (which I'm grateful for. It's a bop. As you would know).

So anyway I sent that screenshot to her like "hey look someone in chat said this" because i thought it was hilarious and then I was like "also I recognise their name from tumblr. unrelatedly". And then she was like "ah swedish tumblr, just looked them up" and then, being half swedish myself, I got hella excited:

And then I proceeded to scroll on your tumblr for like 20 minutes before unpausing the Impulse vod to continue watching. And I've been following you ever since then.

So a combination of me recognising your name, and my friend sussing out that you're Swedish (and the fact that diggy diggy is still relatively new to me) and bam. I'm here now.

Also in looking for that screenshot, it turns out that I screenshotted a second message of yours from a different stream:

Because Hermitgang my beloved

[houseofwolvess]

sorry for the rapid fire rambling posts y'all. i don't know what's up rn but something's up

[welcometogrouchland]

I love dipping my toes back into comics, remembering all the C and D list characters I love and getting that sense of intrigue again, sliding into headcanon territory like "MAN if they just made a series about this they'd totally have me hooked again!". Then I continue reading about the state of current comics (i.e where those C and D list characters are rn and what the state of canon is) and think about the amount of complexity and set up you'd need to even get halfway close to the perfect vision in your head and how impenetrable current comics are so you wouldn't even know where to start with catching up...

And then I'm once again relieved that I'm not caught up with comics anymore and am simply backreading now irrelevant comics at a glacial pace

[upsidedowngrass]

btw, sorry for any inactivity ^_^, i uninstalled the tumblr app for a little but rest assured that i AM thinking abt liam when i can :D

[staurows]

um hello i am bringing back these lesbians 

[acesammy]

oh i want to make bad decisions so fucking bad

[chisungie]

.

[inviso-bill-strikes-again]

best thing about our specific Memory Issues is that mac can buy stuff while someone else is fronting and they won't remember it by the time it gets here so it's like a little surprise gift every time

[sk3l3t0n444]

GIVE ME LOVE LIKE THIS DAMNIT

[mental-skillness]

fuck it. im gonna try out letting myself do what i want without worrying about it. im tired of constantly feeling guilty about my choices and feelings