#also i think going forth
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#this idea came to me in the shower#also i think going forth#iâll stick to one panel posts instead of trying to do nine#takes a lot of stress away for me#bsd#bungou stray dogs#mark twain#bsd mark#bsd twain
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A belief in Nominative Determinsim
#mira & isa sitting at the other side of the room: oh that cannot be a healthy rationalisation. someone should deconstruct that QUICKLY...#change's strongest soldiers VERSUS one guy echo chambering themselves about a susperstition-based retributive model of the world. GO!!!#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#sloops#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#hey look now. this is softer than usual isnt it? ignore the. ignore the subtle damnation of blame unto the self. its fine. theyre fine#this is in fact a slight adaptation of that headcanon of mine i linked! yep! turns out the way to comic-ise it was to. make it like#90% speech bubble and get kinda weird with the formatting. it's clunky and experimental but hey. im experimenting.#the next ones gonna have even more fucking speech bubbles if it goes how im planning. christ#then its gonna get followed up with something wordless so. all things in perfect balance.#DISCLAIMER: i like to write loop and siffrin displaying the maybe not so great logic-holes their seeming fear of 'retribution for not#sticking to (the script) what the universe intends for them' entails. i do not agree with their weird philosophising.#i in fact think this is . bad for them. and am exploring how fucking unhealthy their mindset seems to be even when 'mundane'#OCD siffrin real as hell whats with the doing arbitrary actions in specific ways lest Something Nebulously Bad Happen little dude?#anyway if you caught the extremely blunt symbolism of kissing a hand with a knife in it you win a prize! it's called self-satisfaction đđ#hmm. do people realise i kept calling this type of back and forth between siffrin and loop a socratic dialogue bc socrates was also just#arguing with himself? like he was just making up the other guys. complete thought experiment. i also call them that because theyre WORDY!!!
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Sharing a mask is something that can be so intimate actually
#call of duty modern warfare 2#cod mw2#ghostsoap#ghoap#love that tag lmao#cod ghost#cod soap#cod fanart#if you couldnt tell i love soap's red mask#This is extremely self-indulgent#but so is this entire blog#this took way too long tbh but i enjoyed it#bc i experimented with a new style#dont expect anything this long in the near future tho i really need to work on my other non cod projects#also i keep going back and forth between thinking this is too cringe to post and being fine with it#but yknow i already made this blog and it not connected to my other blogs sooo if its that bad i can delete and disappear
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THIS THING IS SCUUUFFED AS HELL & ITS ALSO THE BEST THING I HAVE ANIMATED THUS FAR. IM SO IN LOVE WITH EMIZEL. JUST WISH I GAVE HIM MORE STUPID TATTOOS. NEXT TIME THO. NEXT TIME. I ALSO LOVE VEX&VIV SOOOO MUCH. charlies flavor of Deranged is my FAVORITE!!
#cw gore#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#ACTULY FINISHED THIS A WHILE AGO. kept going back n forth between trying to work on it more or call it done#in the end i chose DONE!! i worked on this for a full day n a half. NO idea what possesed me but it is NOT happenin again anytime soon#i shall do better NEXT TIME!! in the meantime tho OH MY GOOOOOD WHO WANTS TO SCREAM ABT THE SUCKENING WITH ME#THE FUCKINNN THE FUCKIN THING WITH VEX N VIV BEING THE SHADOW LEADERS OF THE FANGS/DEMONS#OH MMYY GOOOODDD THATS THEIR LIL MEAT GENERATOR... THTS SO FUCKED UP AND COOL UUUGHHH I LOVE THEM...#THEIR FLAVORE IS SO WONDERFUL. I LOOOVE HOW SILLY THEY ARE. MAKING PUNS WHILE PULLIN A SCREAMING VICTIM APART#vex n his lil fashiony art workshop and viv n her sterile n clean doctors office#i bet she doesnt even HAVE a medical liscense. it would be funny if vex did tho. could u imagine#they main MEDIC in tf2 together. viv is the battlemedic while vex only pocket medics for her. COULD U IMAGINE#guh i could go on abt these two forever n ever n ever i LOVE THEMM i gotta draw em more....#OH ALSO before i run outa room. i should say. i took inspiration from a tf2 animation called POOTIS ENGAGED#the animator. Ceno0. uses black bars in the action sequences in SUCH A COOL WAYYY everytime i watch that video i feel inspired#oneday ill make more complex fight scenes... one day....#in the meantime UGHHH I LOVE THE SUCKENING SO MUUUCH CAN I JUST FUCKIN SAAAYY THAT I THINK EMIZEL IS A SMART COOKIE!!#THESE PPL FUCKING FEAR HIM NOW!!! 'SHAMIA SHAMI' IS NOW THEIR MORTAL ENEMY!! POWERFUL ILLUSIONIST. CANT DIE.#THAT PART AT THE END THERE WHERE HE FUCKIN. KILLS HIMSELF INFRONTA THEM. THATS SO AWESOME. THATS SO METAL. AND THEN HE COMES BACK!!#I WATCHED EP 7 ASWELL BUT I WONT SPOIL IT HERE. BUT OMYGOD. EMIZEL IS SO COOL AND CAPABLE N SMART N FUNNY N UGHHHHHH I LOVE HIMMMMM#OKAY THATS MY RAMBLE FOR THE DAY THANKYOU FOR READING. I READ ALL TAGS SO YOU SHOULD RAMBLE TOO. IF YOU WANT. IF YOU CAN.
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people act like being intentionally whimsical is inherently more annoying than being intentionally serious but why. suppose my temper is just naturally whimsical.
#idfk what 'unmasking' really is i think its a Lot Of Things but for ME#ive always been so loke obviously Developmentally Delayed in the sense that like.#my natural inclination is to behave in ways that people tend to read as very childlike. and#people either assume thats Disability or they assume its Affectation#generally. and often i suppress it. like#i go back and forth on this and i have done for years tbqh i distinctly remember being like 20#and thinking IF I FEEL THE URGE TO SKIP WHY SHOULD I NOT SKIP?#like if my natural inclination is. to move my body in ways that people are used to children moving their bodies#literally who cares?#SO WHAT IF IM HUMMING AND SINGING ALL THE TIME SO WHAT IF I DO A LITTLE TWIRL#or hop on and off things. or whatever! WHOMST CARES. FOR WHAT REASON DO I NEED PPL TO TAKE MW SERIOUSLY#AT THE GROCERY STORE?#anyway raise your hand if your Affect is Offputting to People.#the thing that ive realized getting older tho is like. often people also like this bc#they feel like it gives them permission to also behave in weird ways in public#and i like that its nice
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WAIT WTF IS TENTITODD???
Where are my manors let me introduce you to Tentatodd
Jason Todd's tentacle form and yes this was main canon not an elseworld
#ask#anon#tentatodd#i go back and forth on tentatodd#bc objectively stupid#just like ms nightwing there in the background#but at the same time#i think i could make it work#also like its very much from the time#that a lot of dc writers were like#too many people like jason#lets make him so ugly stupid and evil#but they didn't count on me#ms love evil jason no matter what#id rather take this tentacle than lobdells bullshit any day of the week
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is this anything
#OFMD#OFMD Season 2#OFMD S2 Spoilers#Gentlebeard#Blackbonnet#Edward Teach#Stede Bonnet#Edit#okay stay with me here lol STAY WITH ME HERE#ed's face really has me feeling some kind of way#((i mean that's a given lol but his EXPRESSION there more like))#i keep staring at it and going back and forth between thinking it's awe/reluctant intrigue#as though he's furrowing his brow because he WANTS to not get butterflies for stede but stede is making that Very Difficult HSDJKLS#OR#and hence me making this set-#he's feeling some sort of complicated emotion in seeing stede step away from the person he met him as#the colorful bitchy poised fine thing he fell in love with#because i am ALSO sitting here wondering if stede is doing this all entirely on his own volition#or if he was ENCOURAGED to do so by izzy or someone else as like a#'it'll win you more respect and win you back ed's heart if you act and dress this way' type deal#like something something another ongoing commentary on masculinity something something#but it could ALSO be stede really wanting that world/respect/look for HIMSELF#something something stede and ed wanting to be each other and delving into each other's realms something#but just as it soured a bit for ed#i have to wonder if it'll also sour a bit for stede#and they'll consequently find 'the other home' they're looking for in EACH OTHER#and settle into a mixture of swashbuckling ruggedness/finery and subsequently complete/compliment each other#IDK i'm not being very coherent about it HA but i have many many thoughts of course#stede changing up his entire aesthetic just has me very very intrigued on how he's going to move forward#and how others are going to perceive him
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Okay, let's finally talk about EPIC's Apollo
I feel very compelled to say, first of all, that I do not dislike Epic. In fact, I am very fond of Epic and have been following its production and status very eagerly! I attend all the launch streams, I watch all of Herrans' update videos; I am, at the end of the day, a fan and I want it to be known that my words are spoken out of love and passion as much as they are spoken from a place of critique.
So really, what my problem with Epic's Apollo?
In the briefest possible terms; the choice to have Apollo be defined by his musical aspect in God Games is thematically strange. And not in the 'oh well in the Odyssey, Apollo was important to Odysseus and his family so it's weird that that wasn't kept in Epic' strange, strange in the sense that Odysseus' character arc since My Goodbye has been getting more and more obviously Apollonian and so it is positively bizarre that when we get to meet Apollo, the god seems entirely disinterested in him and his affairs. So much so that he is not even defined by any station that would indicate that he has been watching over and protecting Odysseus and his family.
What do I mean by 'Odysseus has been following an Apollonian arc'? I'm so glad you asked!
Remember Them is the last song in which Odysseus explicitly uses his sword until Mutiny where he must use it to defend himself against Eurylochus' blade. He uses it to help enact the plan to conquer Polyphemus and, due to Polites dying in that battle, Polites who wished for Odysseus to put the blade down entirely and embrace a post-war life, Odysseus also retires his sword. This is an action that symbolically separates him from Athena - and the image of Odysseus as a traditional warrior set for him in Horse and Infant - as much as My Goodbye physically separates him from the goddess and her war-ways - from this point onwards, Odysseus will no longer be leaning on Athena's wisdom or methods to solve his problems. Likewise, he will no longer be able to rely on her protection.
Odysseus thusly solves most of his upcoming problems through diplomacy and avoidance. He approaches Aeolus - a strange and ambiguous god (both in gender and in motivation) and appeals to them for help. Circe too, he approaches not with wishes to conquer or for revenge, but for the safe returning of his men and an alternate way forward. In all of these scenarios, there is some Apollonian element which is subtly interweaved alongside the influence of other gods; it is with a bow and arrows that Polyphemus' sheep is slain (and thus it is this Apollonian element which is at the root of Odysseus' spat with Poseidon), it is a vision of Penelope that warns Odysseus that his men are about to open Aeolus' wind-bag, Circe's peace offering to Odysseus is to refer him to a prophet of Apollo who has since died.
In this way, Apollo is walking alongside Odysseus for all of his journey after Athena departs - even in the Underworld, he is guiding him. It is Tiresias' proclamation that is the last straw for Odysseus, it is by the power of a mouthpiece of Apollo that Odysseus decides to embrace his ruthlessness. It is with the bow and arrow that Odysseus subdues the siren who sought to trick him, likewise, Odysseus does not attempt to undermine or escape the fate of paying Scylla's passage price - he knows of the doom about to befall the six men and quite unlike the rest of the journey until this point, he does not fight against it. This all comes to a head on Thrinacia where it is a blade which sacrifices the sun god's cow and brings destruction upon the crew once more.
My point with all of this is that when I heard the teasers for God Games years ago, it made perfect sense to me that Apollo would be Round One - he is not Odysseus' adversary and has no reason to oppose Athena's wish to free him. From other teasers about what will happen in the climax of Epic, Apollo will still be walking alongside Odysseus - it is Apollo's bow that Penelope will give the suitors to string. Likewise, it is Apollo's bow that will prove Odysseus' legitimacy and identity. That bow will be the power by which Odysseus hunts his adversaries and cleans out his palace - it is Apollo who is the avatar of Odysseus' ruthlessness, not Athena.
So tell me, truly, what was the point of having Apollo raise a non-argument in God Games? Why have him appear unconcerned, aloof and slightly oblivious? Why have him appear in his capacity as the Lord of Music at all?? And if the intention was never to make Apollo an active player in Odysseus' life like he was in the Odyssey, why keep Odysseus as a primary archer?
The answer of course is that Apollo is inextricable from the fabric of the Odyssey - his influence and favour exudes from Odysseus just as much as Athena's. In Athena's ten year sulk, it would have been Apollo who kept Telemachus and Penelope safe. It would have been Apollo protecting Odysseus from Poseidon's gaze as he travelled the seas (according to the Odyssey anyway)
Forgive me for not being excited about something that I thought was being purposefully set up. I was extremely ecstatic about all of the little Apollonian details that litter the sagas because I know where this story ends up (loosely) but all God Games did was reveal that maybe those Apollonian details were not intentional at all, but merely the ghost of the Apollo who persistently haunts those he favours, even if he cannot explicitly come to their aide in an adaptation.
#ginger rambles#apollo#odysseus#epic the musical#athena#This of course is not mentioning the whole 'in the Odyssey the suitors have been explicitly praying#for Apollo to kill Telemachus so they can have free reign and Apollo is just going 'what's that? I'm sorry I can't hear haters' thing#I'm actually so disappointed by Apollo in God Games because I truly did believe that it was leading up to Apollo and Athena#BOTH being by Odysseus' side in the end#I really like the fandom view that Apollo used the sirens as an excuse because he has nothing against Odysseus#but in order for me to give that any merit there would have needed to be something in the text itself to support that#And Apollo only has the three-four lines which like - in and of itself is crazy#I really wish Apollo and Hephaestus had full verses like Aphrodite/Ares#Or at least a back and forth like Hera#The milquetoast Apollo who is apparently upset about murder but then only took a light rebut for him back down#I'm sorry have you not seen Apollo when he's mad about murder before? He's not that reasonable I promise you#I'm just not going to talk about him being mad about the sirens specifically if I think about that too long I'll get hives#Looking very forward to when Penelope finally gets her song đđđ#Cannot believe you still don't have your song debut my queen the Odysseus economy is also in shambles
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studies / diamond, pearl
#artists on tumblr#art#oc#digital art#procreate#my art#tian#zhu#tz#WHEEZE. HI#alt title is âtoplessâ as in shirts. obviously zhu's top is right there#i think tian is just a little too cut but he's also leaning forward.... i've been going back and forth on this for weeks. whatever. learnin#my point is he has idk like 15-20kg on zhu who is built like a deluxe go-gurt#reminder they're the same height#anyway this is not what i was supposed 2 b working on lmfao kissing you on the mouth bye!!!!!!
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day 145
people forget i think about jade being a Dragon Enjoyer. but in my book club reread i realized that like. first look we get at her computer, she's got a dragon wallpaper. and she's got a window open looking at OTHER dragon wallpapers on furaffinity. shes got that scaley cred and i think we need to acknowledge it.
#day 145#year 5#jade harley#terezi pyrope#homestuck#jaderezi#its not NECESSARILY a ship picture i just think people browsing that tag will enjoy it#i see u jaderezis. i respect u. i hope you are well#also i kept going back and forth is it scaley or scalie when singular????#like it cant be scalie right its not like scabies.... and yet. smth abt scaley looks wrong#who knows
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What kind of fashion do you think Himiko(and Ochako) would wear? I have some ideas albeit theyâre mostly self indulgent than anything, so I was wondering about your thoughts?
I LOVE THIS QUESTION đŤ
HIMIKO:
likes to look dressed up all the time (v feminine
very school girl fashion choices (button ups, patterned skirts, bows, cardigans, long socks, dress shoes)
lovesss cutesy, warm clothes, big sweaters, short skirts, thrives in the winter
wears a lot of neutrals, yellows, pinks, and reds
I imagine she also copies other people's (if she likes them) styles/clothing choices
OCHAKO:
pretty casual, her typical going out fit is a pretty top, simple bottoms, & cool shoes
she owns. so many shorts. all types
her nicer clothes tend to be more cute and feminine, the clothes she usually wears are kinda masc and plain (tank tops, muscle shirts, gym shorts, tshirts, boxers, etc.)
her shoe game is unmatched. where is she getting them from.
likes button ups, denim, cutesy jewelry, big sweaters & jackets, leggings
#love the (and Ochako) part of this ask#i probably would've done both either way they're a package deal for me#I PUT SO MUCH THOUGHT INTO THIS clothing choices for characters are really interesting to me#i kept going back and forth because i kinda wanted to show their general range w outfits#himiko gave me. so much trouble.#btw Himiko's favorite color is pink i feel very strongly about this#ochako and her tanktops and boyshorts against the world#togachako#bnha#mha#toga himiko#toga#uraraka ochako#my hero academia#ask#val talks#ALSO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR OWN HCS i wanna hear what other ppl think âšď¸
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Done (heavy quotation marks) with monster Ody @evergreen292 ;)
tbh I couldnât for the life of me pick a color palette I liked And Render it so I gave up on color. Enjoy the half assery.
Tbh Iâve just been call it Ithacan Naga, but itâs objectively itâs a mix of snake, owl/bird, and human. So đ¤ˇ.
Tbh the wings are supposed to be white/gray-brown, cause owls & Hermes, while his scales are supposed to be an oscillating scale from sea green-blue to purple-tinted gray. Uhm. Evidently that sorta didnât happen but also did. So.
The purple/grayer scales are gonna be more around with the feathers and wings.
Those fin colors are. Too blue and too bright but I love the colors themselves so theyâre staying for now.
Uhm. Thatâs it for now, ig. Iâm sorta on a timer rn and Iâm tired so <3
The writing bit with this is still in the works (đ)
#Odysseus#epic the musical#Ithacan naga au#guess thatâs what weâre calling it#an Ithacan naga would deadass just be an aquatic naga#I think#the feathers and wings are cause heâs Zeus/Hermesâ kin & Athena blessed#tbh the main reason i wanted to color at all is cause I wanted easier differentiation between⌠everything. and actually draw the scales.#so snakes have this extra (?) bone that connects their skull & jaw which is what lets them extend it. so. ody gets that here.#resting/casual naga ody is like. 7ish ft? anything intimindation or just rising usually reaches 11-12 ft. his full length js 20 ft#naga eyes donât have any eyelids. it looks very odd on a human (unsettling)#owl eyes donât really have visible white scelcra#or however you spell it#nor do snakes#unsettling#maybe Iâll caption this later but hhhhh#heâs sorta supposed to be an olive sea snake and fish owl#but fuck colors rn#uhm cause heâs aquatic I suppose he does have to make up with Poseidon⌠uhm letâs say after everything Seidon picks up a fuss and Athena#argues back n everything and it causes a reallllly big fuss so Zeus (+ others) eventually work smth out that basically amounts to:#Donât fuckin bother each other (intentionally)#also endgame for naga ody (he can change back and forth dw) is that he gets used to it. he doesnât advertise it cause heâs sneaky like that#(and after he gets over the self loathing). uhmmm. yeah. Itâs great cause NEREID PEN and SEA NAGA ODY#they can go on sea hunts together!!!!#ody CAN fly yes. same logic that lets Hermes fly with 2 small pairs of wings on his ankles and head.#he folds the wings when swimming and the fins fan out underwater. vice versa. his feathers are waterproof.#you can BARELY see the vauge shape of thighs/legs melting into the serpent part btw.#Ariâs art#my art#Iâmma add onto this + actually type this out in a post later or smth
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Silt verses reference sheets, part two!! This time for Faulkner
My Carpenter reference sheet is here, and some further notes on these are under the cut!
First Image: Whenever i draw season 1 faulkner it does NOT look like him, and i blame his fuckass haircut. my guy did that while looking at his reflection in the river and it looked awful and he doesn't trust anyone else to cut it for him. I do like to imagine that Paige looked at him, immediately recognized that he cut his own hair, and offered to cut it for him at some point during season 1. This probably doesn't work well with the timeline, but it's real to me and i can headcanon what i want.
Second Image: It was fully not intentional on my part that Faulkner's s2 fit would be so reminiscent of my s1 design for Carpenter, but then I realized that was the case and there's no going back now. It fits so well and is very important to me as a detail. I also imagine he doesn't really want to show off that scar he got from the sentinel, because he sees it as a failure, so he wears the turtleneck, Also, it's practical, because it's probably cold up in those mountains.
I was going back and forth for a bit on how much Mercer fucked up Faulkner's face when she beat him up at the end of season 2. I might alter my design for him so that she fully gives him a broken nose, because she did hit him A Lot. I also don't know how much the glass would leave a mark, but I like the idea of him having very small scars on his hands from the mirror glass for the rest of the series.
I'll make a note here about my thoughts on the fishhooks now, because I've decided I like the thought of them being awarded for successful pilgrimages/other religious victories. Where you get the piercing probably also matters, because fishhooks are also used to mark sacrifices, but it's a concept I want to play around with more. We'll see where I go with this.
Third Image: No particular notes on that first drawing, and honestly not a lot of notes on the high prophet fit either, since that one is basically my closest interpretation of what's stated in text. I liked the idea of his shoes being replaced with less practical, but better looking shoes. or maybe not since shoes dont exist anymore. tragic
Also, I imagine the cope is very very intricately embroidered. I didn't know how to get that across with the scale I was working with, but trust me. I also like the though that on the shoulders, the whole face is depicted, but you can't see most of it because it's covered by that outer shawl-like thing. The shawl/poncho shape has kinda become a staple of Parish fits, so I think I'm going to keep rolling with it. In the second drawing of the second image, you kinda get that shape with his sleeves, and his cassock also has that going on at the top of the sleeves. I don't know, it's something.
I may or may not be missing injuries on my little injuries diagram, but I'm pretty confident ive got the important ones. I did eventually settle on Mercer not breaking his nose (for now at least), but i did like the thought of her knocking out or cracking one of his teeth, like he did to Carpenter in the season 1 finale. cycles of violence or something.
#the silt verses#tsv#brother faulkner#faulkner tsv#tw blood#tw injury#Iâve been working on these off and on for AGES Iâm so glad theyâre done#Paige is up next I think!!#also my faulkner design might still be fiddled with#I think some of these seem more accurate than others and Iâm trying to figure out what I did there#also hopefullyyyy I didnât miss any major injuries? I was going back and forth on whether Mercer managed to break his nose#fishâs-art#oh my god if this doesnât show up in the tags Iâm going to LOSE IT
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before it felt like a sin, ch. 1
pairing: Sebastian Sallow x f!MC
word count: 3000
summary: Eloise never wanted to be different.
And yet, her differences are what have defined her life up until this point: growing up as a squib in one of the most prominent wizarding families, being exiled to muggle society, and then attending Hogwarts at the age of sixteen.
She finds herself thrust into the life she should have been prepared for from birth but was denied. As she navigates this new life and her new precarious position in her family, she must come to terms with the fact that maybe what she dreamed of her whole life isn't turning out how she ever expected it would.
a/n: Hi everyone!! I decided to post this here too...I'm slowly going through everything I've written so far, and I want to post each chapter here as I edit them. I'm hoping that this can be a way to a) get back in to writing more, and b) get better at my art as I make full illustrations for each chapter. Let me know what you think!! :)
There is nothing quite as horrible as being a muggle, Eloise thought savagely as she ripped out yet another stitch in the landscape she was embroidering. At least, it was supposed to be a landscape. Maybe with her head tilted to the left and with her eyes almost closed so everything blurred together, it might resemble one. She did just that, trying her hardest to make out some recognizable shape and blast the stupid practice of manually pushing colored thread through a fabric in some sort of -
âAnd what is this, Miss Babbit?â
Eloise jumped at the sound and looked up at the scowling face of her teacher, and then quickly back down at the tangled thread in her lap. Behind her, she could hear the hushed giggles of the other girls in her class.
âOh! ErâŚitâs -â
âHow long have you been here?â the woman interrupted.
âOne hourâŚI just -â
âDonât be smart with me. I mean, at this institute.â
âFive years.â Eloise glared down at her embroidery as if it had personally offended her. It wasnât like she was actively trying to be bad at everything, but she had the distinct disadvantage - how had it ever come to be that she would be at a disadvantage to muggles? - of not having spent a lifetime being prepared for muggle society and all that it entailed. The last five years had been a monotonous, endless cycle of lessons designed to turn her into the perfect lady: French (a waste of time as Eloise was already fluent), embroidery (a waste of time as the things she embroidered werenât actually useful), dancing (a waste of time as she was already engaged to be married - why would she bother trying to woo another silly man?), and her most dreaded class of all: etiquette. No matter how many years had been spent trying to assimilate into muggle culture, her thoughts still got muddled when she tried to remember the steps to a dance, or how to properly address the son of a duke.
Did it really matter, anyways, what the other girls thought? She had pretended her whole life to be the daughter she thought her parents had wanted - now she was simply pretending that she hadnât been thrown into the muggle world without a second thought. What was a bit more pretending - that she didnât care? That she hadnât been tossed aside without a second thought?
âExactly. Five years. And yet, you have shown no progress whatsoever. This -â a finger jabbed accusingly at the embroidery - âis absolutely horrendous. If your parents hadnât continued to make such a sizeable donation every year, I would have deemed you a lost cause and sent you packing when you first arrived. How your family ever managed your betrothal to the son of an earl is beyond me.â
Eloise grimaced at the mention of her fiance as her teacher clapped her hands together to get the attention of the class - a wholly unnecessary action due to the fact that it was already being given. âClass is dismissed. Please collect your belongings and put them in the correct place. Remember, as future wives and mothers, you must be organized in all aspects of your life. Many of you will be managing important households and the slightest misstep -â a slight glance to Eloise out of the corner of her eye - âcan cause the biggest of scandals.â
Eloise raced to gather her things and leave the classroom before everyone else. No matter how many years had been spent at the school, she couldnât help but hate sitting through the classes amongst the judgmental stares and snide remarks. Although things had started out shaky at the finishing school - to be expected, really, when youâve grown up in wizarding society and then are then forced to live as a muggle - it still stung that after all these years, she still hadnât found a friendly face. She was treated as if she were a pariah: it was as if the other girls just knew that something was different about her. ButâŚwasnât that the great irony of it all? She wasnât different than them. She was a filthy squib.
When she first arrived at the school, she was an anomaly. A twelve-year-old girl who didnât know how to play the piano or who the queen was. It was clear to everyone that Eloise wasnât the charity case of the school - her parents were obviously quite wealthy - and yet they seemingly wanted nothing to do with her. Whereas the others got regular letters and visits from their family, it was as if Eloise were an orphan. Nothing new to her of course, but to her peers this otherness aided them in her ostracization.
Upon entering her room, she was abruptly pulled out of her thoughts. Something wasnât right. Everything seemed the same: a twin bed perfectly made opposite a small wardrobe, a plain wooden desk placed between them. The weak afternoon sunlight shone through the window, illuminating her desk. ButâŚthere.
ThatâŚ
Placed on her bed, resting on the pillow, was a letter.
She never received letters.
Eloise shoved her embroidery under her bed and hungrily grabbed at it, pausing when she saw the address. Miss E. Babbit. The Third Bedroom on the LeftâŚÂ It seemed vaguely familiar to her in a way she couldnât quite put her finger on.
As she read the letter, though, it became apparent to her exactly why this was. Although not exactly the same as the one her brother had received six years earlier, it quickly became apparent that this was a Hogwarts letter. For her. For Miss E. Babbit.
Hands shaking, she set the letter down on her desk and sat on the edge of her bed. She smoothed her hands over her skirt over and over, taking comfort in the familiar softness as she tried to even her breathing.
How was this possible? She had all but accepted the fact that she was a squib. The shame of her family, a dirty secret to be hidden away and never talked about or mentioned again. Her parents had suspected as much by the time she had turned seven without any signs of magic whatsoever manifesting around her - not even a basic transformation of brussel sprouts to sweets during dinner. It was ultimately confirmed, however, when her own Hogwarts acceptance letter never arrived. She had spent the whole year before her banishment daydreaming about her life at Hogwarts, still optimistic that there could be something magical inside of her. Her brother, Leo, came home every holiday with wonderful stories of his new friends and teachers, and the subjects he was learning at school. Even back then, at twelve years old, Eloise hadnât been sure if he was actually hopeful she wasnât a squib, or if he had been trying to prolong the fantasy for her before it all came crashing down.
Although she had had five years to come to terms with her new life, there was still a small part of her that hoped. A small âwhat ifâŚâ. She had tried time and time again to squash that tiny ray of optimism that would escape every so often, tried so very hard to cultivate a hard exterior that wouldnât let any sort of vulnerability shine through. And that optimism was a vulnerability, after all. It was that vulnerability that had made it absolutely impossible for her to fit in the muggle world, and made it so that she didnât really want to try.
Five years to come to terms with the fact that she needed a new purpose for her life andâŚ
âŚnot anymore?
Eloise grabbed the letter and greedily read through it again, drinking in all of the words. She paused at the end, thinking. Was this a forgery? Some sort of awful joke orchestrated by her brother? Leo had never been cruel to her in the past; in fact, he was the one who always encouraged her and was the most probable source of the small optimism that remained within her. However, she had no way of knowing how he had changed since she had last seen him. It had been, after all, five very long years. And not once had she heard from him, even though he had promised her through huge sobbing gulps that he would never abandon her. Maybe their parents had slowly poisoned him against her. It would be right on the nose for them, after all.
Looking at the envelope again, howeverâŚThird Bedroom on the LeftâŚno. It was too specific. Nobody in her previous life had any reason to even want to contact her again, and nobody in her current life even knew what Hogwarts was, let alone have the ability to convincingly forge a letter just to have some fun at her expense.
A light, bubbly feeling began to spread throughout her body as it sunk in that this was real. She was going to Hogwarts. Soon, a - squinting at the letter again - a Professor Fig would be contacting her and giving her things to study. A huge grin slowly spread across her face and she hugged the letter to her chest as she fell back on her bed. She read through it again. Was it the fifth time already? It felt as though no amount of times rereading the letter would ever be enough.
Eloise got up and walked over to look at the calendar on her desk. She was surprised to see that September 1st was in only two days. The days at the finishing school moved in such a strange, sluggish way. They all felt the same. Monotonous. French and Latin and embroidery and household management and Merlin even knows what else all blending into each other in an endless parade of dusty classrooms and gossip and boredom.
The light feeling left her in an instant as, after years of practice, the optimism was squashed back down. But how will you even get to London? And, her brain added sneakily, you havenât even shown any signs of magic. Maybe youâll just be returned back here after they realize their mistake.
No, she thought fiercely, gripping the letter. Until -
A tapping came from the window. A tentative smile returned at the sight of a tawny brown owl with another envelope in its beak. She ripped it open as soon as it was in her hands (again addressed to Miss E. Babbit) and along with the letter a small, purple pouch fell out of the envelope and onto her bed.
Miss Eloise Babbit,
I am pleased to be the wizard charged with such an important task as escorting you to Hogwarts in two daysâ time. It is something extraordinary to be accepted in your fifth-year, and as such, I expect extraordinary things from you. I have enclosed a small pouch along with this envelope, and in it are some items that will be vital to you in the upcoming days. I have included books for you to study at your leisure, and a small gobstone that will bring you to our rendezvous point in London. All you have to do is touch it at noon on the 1st and you will be transported instantly.
Your family has not been informed of your acceptance. I am sure you understand why - at this, Eloise scoffed quietly to herself - which is why I will personally be your escort.
I am looking forward to meeting you and bringing you to the sorting ceremony in two daysâ time.
Yours,
Eleazar Fig
The handwriting was tiny and spidery and cramped, but it didnât stop Eloise from reading it with the same vigor as the previous letter and as many times. Finally, she turned to the small pouch that had fallen onto her bed when she opened the second envelope. It must have had an invisible extension charm, because it was filled to the brim with books on basic spellwork and general wizarding history. Professor Fig had no way of knowing, but Eloise had already read many of these books and many more during the year her brother had started Hogwarts, as she had needed to know absolutely everything about what would be awaiting her. A few years may have passed since she had stepped foot in her familyâs library, but she couldnât get the books or their contents out of her brain even if she had wanted to. She had really wanted to forget everything she knew about the magical world when it was confirmed she was a squib but it was a futile effort. As she zoned out during her piano lessons, she would find herself mentally going through the movements to cast different charms.
It was painful to be thinking about things from the life that had been ripped away from her, to know that what she was thinking about would never come to pass, that she would never be able to wield magic - and yet she couldnât find herself able to stop.
As Eloise picked out one of the books and settled into her armchair, a steely resolve overcame her.
She would prove that she deserved to be there, and was just as capable as any of they were. She would make her parents regret ever discarding her like she was nothing.
She was worthy. She was capable. And she would prove it.
The morning of September 1st dawned cold and rainy. Absolutely perfect.
Eloise had pretended to be sick the night before, and no one had suspected a thing when she stayed in bed long after all of the other girls had gotten ready and headed to breakfast. As the last of the chattering faded away down the hallway, Eloise finally got out of bed and prepared herself for the day. It was difficult to sit still long enough to braid her hair. Her fingers wouldnât stop trembling and she had to restart countless times. Finally, she tied the black ribbon at the end into a neat bow and turned to the drawer of her desk to retrieve the small purple pouch she had hidden away.
Everything she deemed important enough to come along with her had already been placed inside: the books from Professor Fig, the hair ribbons gifted to her by her brother many years ago, and some clothing. Nothing else was coming with. She needed the fresh start. Besides, anything else she might need would be supplied, as her acceptance letter had specifically stated that any school supplies would be provided to her.
Waiting the hours before noon came along proved to be more difficult than Eloise had imagined. Time seemed to be moving slower than the molasses that had come with the breakfast sent up to her, the steady patter of the rain becoming a sort of metronome keeping time as she paced back and forth. Wasnât there anything that could distract her, even for a bit? She glanced at the clock. Only five minutes had passed since the last time. 10.35.
The second hand ticking away in tandem with the sound of rain splashing against her window.
What if this was all a trick? What if she arrived at Hogwarts, and they turned her away because they realized they had made a mistake? After all, why would they admit a sixteen-year-old? Surely she was too old; every other student had started Hogwarts at the age of twelve and had shown signs of magic much earlier than that. She still hadnât shown any signs of magical capability whatsoever, and didnât feel any different than she had before receiving the letter. It had to be a fluke.
As her thoughts started veering into the melancholy she was prone to, she shook her head. No. Today was a happy, exciting day. She wasnât going to squash the optimism down today, not when she needed it most. All of these thoughts she was having were simply that: thoughts. Not reality. Hogwarts never made a mistake, and in all of the history books she had read, she couldnât recall an instance of someone being turned away at the door. Granted, she had also never heard of someone being admitted so late. But, better to focus on what she did know, which was that she had gotten the letter. It must be right in its assumption that she had magic.
Trying to pass the time was easier said than done. She ended up quizzing herself on all of the charms she had memorized in the books sent by Professor Fig, moving an imaginary wand in the precise movements needed to successfully cast and focusing on her pronunciation. She had studied all of these forms late into both nights she had had the books, and when she would eventually close her eyes to sleep, the wand movements were all she saw.
Eloise was determined that she would receive pity from nobody. Nobody was going to look at her like she was lacking. She had gotten enough of that to last a lifetime, and now that she was given this opportunity she wasnât about to waste it.
When noon finally struck, Eloise was ready and waiting. She eagerly grabbed the gobstone that was sitting on her desk and felt the familiar tugging sensation in her navel as she was whisked away to London and the beginning of her new life.
next chapter
#im just writing this fic for fun & since Iâm editing it a bit#I thought it would be fun to challenge myself to do full illustrations for each chapter#(the reason I started these fanarts in the first place was for thisđ§ââď¸)#if you actually read this I would love to know what you think!!#I keep going back & forth between wanting to make a master list and also explain my tag system on this tumblr#but at the same time I like the chaosâŚđ¤#well let me know!! or if you have any suggestions!!đđ#it starts off a bit slow but this story is VERY canon-divergent#and will have a lot of mythology/magical theory/pureblood society etc etc#i dont expect these to really get much traction bahahahahahaha#but im going to have a lot of fun rereading my fic & making these illustrationsđĽšđ#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts legacy mc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x mc#hogwarts legacy fanfic#hogwarts legacy fic#oh also???? how do you format these things??????????????? anyways the chapter is up on ao3 and honestly the whole fic up to chapter 22đđ#but if you have any suggestions lmk!!!!#like do I put the warnings for the whole fic on each chapter?? put only the chapter warnings??? literally this is me: đ§ââď¸#a poor confused technology grandma
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staying for dinner
#sorry omg that this is like suggestive#but iâve been wanting to draw this for ageessss and i think it came out beautiful!!#STYLE#also i was so happy to put kyle in that sweater lmfao#i go back and forth on if he would think heâs stylish or not gaf at all#either way he is NOT STYLISH for sure in my book LOL
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When is someone going to make a ghosts edit to the song âWe Both Reached For the Gunâ SPECIFICALLY FOR THOMAS .
OR LIKE FOR ALL THE GHOSTS AND THEIR DEATHS .
#if no oneâs going to do it. Iâll animate it đ#bbc ghosts#mint thoughts#thomas thorne#MAN HAS A TRAGIC BACKSTORY FULL OF LIES AND BACK AND FORTH ITS PERFECT#I mean you can also do one for capvers but I think thatâs harder because they have few scenes đđ#it can still work but they edit will have to be shorter đĽ˛#someone wRITE THIS DOWN NOW
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