#because i am ALSO sitting here wondering if stede is doing this all entirely on his own volition

[saltpepperbeard]

is this anything

[triflesandparsnips]

This is (still) not the OFMD medical horror essay

...but there I was, minding my own business and looking up recipes in apothecary manuals, and I accidentally opened up the 1653 edition of John French's The Art of Distillation.

Figure 1. AND I FOUND A THING.

(...although this printing is from 1667 -- maybe there's an even earlier edition, who knows, 17th century publishing was weird what can I say.)

SO TELL ME JOHN FRENCH, what should we know about baths -- by which I mean, what did Stede know?

Or better yet-- based on these publication dates (and for maximum angst)...

What did Stede's dad know?

Maybe I am doing medical horror here, WHOOPS OH WELL.

Ahem:

Seeing [that] by bathing and sweating most diseases are cured, especially such as proceed from wind, hot, and distempered humours, or cold and congealed humors; because all these are rarified, and evaporated by transpiration in sweating, or bathing, I thought it a thing much conducing to man's health, to set down such a way of bathing and sweating that might be very effectual, and appropriated to any particular disease or distemper.

So what I like about this paragraph is that, leaving aside the "new and cool" way of bathing that our man French here is about to describe, it tells us what the reading audience may already know about the Wonders of Bathing-- specifically, that:

bathing and sweating? serve a similar purpose

and that purpose is to evaporate (or "rarify", which may mean... make less dense? OKAY, MERRIAM-WEBSTER) the humors

which humors, you may ask? why, the hot and distempered ones (what might make a young lad sass his father), or the cold and congealed ones (what might make a young lad pick flowers and cry a lot)

French then goes on to give us a rundown of his awesome new inventions for bathing, all of which come down to DIFFERENT TUB-TYPES connected to a STILL:

A, Signifies a hot Still with two pipes going into two wooden vessels; In this Still you may put either [herbs], or spices, with water, or with Spirits, and distil them by which means, they that are in the vessels will presently be forced into a sweat, by vertue of the subtlety of the vapours. And this indeed is as a good and effectual a way for sweating as any can be invented: You may by this means appropriate your ingredients to the nature of the diseases.

Figure 2. Well, technically figure A for French, but essentially the primary mechanism for creating enough heat to make the patient sweat in their bath, plus a bunch of medicinal bits and bobs (and... alcohol?) to aid in said pickling sweating.

B, A vessell wherein a man fits in the bath. Now this vessel hath in it a door, for the easier going into it, which fashion is far better, and more convenient, than to be open only at the top.

Figure 3. (or B.) BEHOLD THE BATH BOX. Lock ur boy in until he sweats the gay out.

C, A long vessel where a man that is weak, and not able to sit up, lies and is bathed.

Figure 4. OH LOOK. IT IS. A FULL-SIZED BATHTUB. For the ~weak.

Figure 5. Stede Bonnet's entirely impractical tub (plus or minus one extraneous Blackbeard). Compare and contrast.

INTERESTING.

So... what else can you tell us, John French. What else could Stede, with historical accuracy, been subjected to?

Let's start with:

Whatever temperature of steam his medical professionals (...or father) thought he could "bear" before it got diverted away.

Now you must note, that these vapours must not be hotter than the Patient can bear: also if the vapour come forth too hot upon the body of the Patient, he may by putting a pipe, upon the end of the pipe that comes into the vessel, divert the hot vapour from his body, and so it will not offend him that way.

He could have been forced to stay in the heat until he fainted...

Note, that the Patient, as soon as he begins to be faint, must come forth, or else he will suffer more prejudice than good by his bathing;

...but otoh maybe he got given booze to prevent that. GIVE THAT KID A LAGER I GUESS.

and also to prevent him from fainting, let him take some Cordial, or cold Beer, which will much revive him, and make him endure his bathing longer, as also make him sweat the more.

When he was All Done sweating in the bath, he could've been bundled into his nice comfy bed... to sweat until he could no longer "bear it" again...

As soon as the Patient comes forth, let him go into a warm bed, and sweat as he is able to bear it,

...and yup, still possibly fainting all over the place, not at all a concern...

and take some Posset-drink, or Broth, or such like warm suppings, as also some good Cordial if he be very faint.

...and definitely not something that could happen to him over and over again, until he was "better" by whatever metric someone might decide to judge him.

The patient may according as his strength will bear, and his disease require, bathe more seldom or oftener.

And so with all this in mind--

--if someone wants to write up some deliciously heart-wrenching hurt/comfort around all this--

--let's just say it wouldn't be unrealistic.

Figure 6. Oh Stede. You are potentially so conflicted about the hot pirate who just wants to find comfort in your nice big symbol of your medical trauma bathtub.

[thic-cryptid]

Homebound 94

“Oh! Right. Never have I ever,” he paused to think before finally saying, “Ever gotten a tattoo.”

“Never have I ever had sex while on the clock,” Jack said once they’d all taken a drink.

Edward and Izzy both drank.

“Edward!” Stede scolded, “You work for yourself! How is that even possible?”

“I dunno, I just feel like I’ve taken enough sex breaks when I was supposed to be working that it counts.” He laughed, “I am curious about you though, Iz! Please tell me that you and a coworker caused a glitch or a server to go down because you were, well, going down on each other!”

“It wasn’t that exciting. It was before twitter, I was working for one of those shady startups that let you day drink. Another dude and I got a little too drunk and fucked in a bathroom stall.”

“Did you get in trouble?” Stede asked.

“No. Everyone was either tipsy or too burnt out to give a shit… I don’t even know if we had an hr department.” He laughed, wondering how his old fling was doing. Izzy would have to look him up on LinkedIn. “Never have I ever sent a dirty text to the wrong person.”

“I told you that in confidence!” Edward said with mock betrayal as he and Jack both drank. “Never have I ever read an entire book in one day, you nerd!”

Izzy had expected Stede to drink with him but not for Jack to join them.

“What? I have layers!” Jack laughed. “I’m not just a good fuck and piss jokes!”

“What could you have possibly read that held your attention that long?” Ed asked.

“Kama sutra,” Jack joked, grin pulling over to one side. “Nah, that one took awhile. I did read an entire manga series in one sitting though.”

“Never have I ever been tied up.” Stede said, making everyone take a drink.

“Never have I ever filmed myself having sex,” Jack said, drinking when no one else did. “Damn, real unadventurous bunch.”

“I probably would, I just haven’t had the opportunity.” Edward laughed, “We could always change that later.”

“Never have I ever screamed during a scary movie,” Izzy said making both Ed and Stede drink.

“Never have I ever been cucked,” Ed said, making Stede blush as he took his drink.

“Yet,” Jack added, taking a sip. “Pretty sure all the sexual tension between the three of you is leading to that.”

“Is that what happens in your smutty comics?” Edward teased.

“Yeah, sometimes.” He shrugged, “You want some recommendations?”

“I’m good, last time I took one of your recommendations, I got really into meta readings and I don’t think my career could survive another meta analyze of porn phase.”

“Well, it is quite a lovely time,” Stede told him, “I, obviously, would be interested.”

“Can I also watch?” Jack asked, making Izzy roll his eyes. “You can tie me up and I’ll pretend I’m mad.”

“Sure thing, handsome,” Stede said, giving him a peck of a kiss on the nose. “You and Ed both.”

“Works for me.” Edward agreed, stealing his own kiss from Stede. “Its going to be hard to tell who I’m most jealous of.”

“The answer is both, but also neither because you’re gonna have me.” Jack teased.

Page 94

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[knowlesian]

I enjoyed your OFMD meta so much, I wondered your opinion on the symbolism of oranges in that show and in Goncharov — I mean, when Katya tries to win over Goncharov by taking him on a tour of the Moscow subways, and sends her gang of thugs to buy oranges from that “babushka” — I’m not imagining the parallel in OFMD, am I?

first off thank you, and second: absolutely! we already know david came in with movies like butch cassidy in mind and imo there is absolutely zero chance david and co didn’t see goncharov, too. the thematic overlap zones and then ultimate subversion on the meaning of the film is way too close to be coincidental.

forgive me for going a little broader before i focus on the katya and goncharov courtship flashbacks, because i really am over the moon about the connections here and how the ofmd writers repurpose old themes and storylines only to steer them in entirely new directions.

in goncharov we’ve got scorsese doing his... i’m gonna call it his best attempt at capturing the feel of russian lit. goncharov’s men are angry, explosive, and ultimately doomed. fated to die, unable to avoid How Things Are; the narrow limitations of their own understanding what is acceptable masculinity and what is not means they stay children, playing at war.

(and while scorsese is always gonna scorsese when it comes to the women in his films, katya and sofia make out better than most. i’m endlessly impressed with the way ofmd improved on that foundation; the vibe between those two isn’t NOT hiding in plain sight between mary and evelyn in ofmd, i’m js)

leaving the somewhat flimsy overall politics of goncharov aside, it does a pretty good job handling the overall ‘these expectations are actually killing more people than ice picks’ thrust. 

i think it’s really interesting how the oranges in ofmd function as sort of... depending on how you look at it, love/family/growth beat, especially when we look at katya’s attempts to reach out and make the best of a marriage of convenience and how that calls back to some of mary’s efforts in the flashbacks we see in e4.

it’s not the same orange, but it IS? somehow?

because like, look: i wouldn’t say this was an intentional creative choice from scorsese, but like every huge interpersonal problem in goncharov could be solved if the narrative just... let people be gay? 

(this is semi-joking oversimplification. i get that letting a scene about eating anchovy or gelato drop the subtext and just be about oral sex does not actually solve world hunger, but also. only semi-joking.)

katya attempts to use her family’s enforcers to obtain sustenance; and by that sustenance, eventually obtain love.

it’s poison fruit/poison tree. 

...you know, in a way i think the emotional equivalent to stede and ed and the orange in goncharov is actually the gelato scene, and the oranges in goncharov are actually an inversion of the orange in ofmd. especially since i totally forgot until now that we get that lingering shot of katya’s oranges sitting out in that weird glass bowl until the housekeeper throws them away, which... probably there’s some class stuff to be said about that bit too, but for now i’m obsessed with how when you keep that in mind, no WONDER we get the petrified orange in ofmd. 

katya didn’t go get those oranges herself; they were obtained impersonally and i think ultimately foreshadow the end of the movie. they’re food that could have been eaten by someone who actually ...you know, wanted oranges at all, wasted on a marriage that was over before it ever began. 

and then we have stede’s orange, impervious to rot and time and representing a family that became a real family for the first time ever on stede’s final departure, because they let go of the old expectations for what family (and love) even means and also stede’s love for ed and the crew, etc etc etc.

ugh. u g h. the 4d chess the ofmd writers play here splitting themes and characters so we get the oranges in a different context and through different food is so amazing. no 1:1′s!!! what a galaxy brained bunch of bastards. hate them.

anyway i’m sure there’s a bunch more here (and i didn’t even yell about how ofmd takes the borderline nihilistic commentary on time in goncharov and spins it into a show that insists no literally: if you’re alive, there’s still time. you can always change which is like... so, so perfect) but yeah!!!! i agree, i think the parallels are unmistakable.

[saltpepperbeard]

OBLIGATORY COMPLETE OFMD SEASON 2 TRAILER THOUGHTS AND RAMBLES POST™

Woo boy this is going to be a long one, and I mean, A LONG ONE LMAO. And, of course, all in good fun; i simply just Have To Scream and Incessantly Ramble. So, if you'd like to scream along with me, and read through an ESSAY OF THOUGHTS HERE SHDKJSDHS-

I just have to start things off with my babygirl. With the babygirlest of babygirls. LOOK at that pining. INSANE levels of pining. "When will my husband return from the war" levels of it, quite frankly PFFF. And with the hair back and the slut strands out too like???

I will say, it's very interesting to see him pining like this out in the open. I very much expected him to say locked away in his cabin most of the time, and stay entirely masked whenever he's out. But it seems like he makes STEPS towards healing rather early into the season, as the Kraken Getup seems to drop pretty quick. So, I'm very interested to know how that'll play into his dynamic with other characters (Fang, for example, seems to take notice, based on the comment he makes in the next screenie).

regardless, babygirl you're so strong and beautiful and i'm wrapping you in a blanket, kissing you on the forehead, and express shipping your man RIGHT into your arms. it'll get better, i promise.

but no really i'm going insane because like...just when edward teach couldn't get anymore beautiful, he really decides to pull up with a MESSY BUN???

HIIIIIII FANGY HI FRENCHIE HELLLOOOO MY SWEETHEARTS <3

I don't talk about Fang nearly as much as I should because I love him so much. I think getting a hug from him would Heal Me, actually. Like please hsdjkss he's so sweet- "I've never seen Blackbeard like this 🥺." CAN I GET HIM A PUPPY? I'M GETTING HIM A PUPPY.

Also please are they eating cake hsdksjks. ARE THEY EATING WEDDING CAKE. Imagine your raid is to crash a wedding, steal cake toppers, and then eat what's left of the wedding cake jskdhsdjkls. DREAM JOB???

AND THEN THIS. HOOOOO BOY. HOOOOOOOOOOO BOY.

when i tell y'all i am Foaming At The Mouth over this. Like, it obviously guts me to see Stede crying, but it makes me SO intrigued to know what made him come to the more stark realization, what made him flip from optimistic and bitchy to more somber and pained.

There SEEMS to be some sort of shift sometime around when he sees Ed's wanted poster, because there's that shot of him looking melancholic in the rain. But it doesn't quite seem as stark as THIS.

It makes me wonder if it's a gradual assembly of puzzle pieces, ie finding out about the marooning, then Lucius, then Ed's scourge across the Caribbean, etc etc. And it slooooowly dawns on him that his decision to leave in order to keep Ed happy ended up doing EXACTLY the opposite.

OR, I wonder if this is following the reunion—a PAINFUL one at that. Like, maybe he still was going into it a bit idyllic, and was holding onto the hope that it would still be alright...only for Ed to react poorly/in a way he never anticipated to see. He went into it maybe with a bit of anxiety, but ultimately leaned on the denial...only to have all the fears confirmed.

Or maybe it's a mixture of both. But either way, it's SO so interesting to see him have to SIT with it all. And even though it hurts to see HIM hurt, I'm actually very glad they addressed this and made him feel the heavier weight.

...Only to transition right into silliness here with this shot dHJKSDKLS. ed babe listen i get it. i Get It. i'm right there with you, babe.

BUT ALSO, makes me wonder what he was smoking in his pipe beforehand. Or maybe it was the transition from pipe to a straight BLUNT that got him shdjksd. Or MAYBE it was just ~*~the sapphic kush~*~ that took him out PFFFF. wlw on mlm violence idk.

SPEAKING of which...

here we go, lesbians. here we go, lesbians, come on. oH MY GOD, LESBIANS,,,

do you think anne and mary want me

BUT OKAY LMAO THESE TWO,,,

With that whole shot where it looks like Anne just kissed Stede, and the way they're both 👀👀 at Ed and Stede having their tense little interaction, I have to wonder if their gaydars go off and one or both subsequently decide to stir shit up PFFFF. Like, causing chaos by making Ed/Stede jealous type deal. And maybe Anne kissing Stede is what makes Ed choke on the blunt sdhkshdks WHO KNOWS.

Regardless, very excited to see the pairs interact. WHO KNOWS WHAT SORT OF MLM WLW SHENANIGANS WILL HAPPEN SDKJS.

And ALSO in relation to that scene, I just have to shdjksdhljksdkls over the editing because it took me out. Ed being like "And more importantly, no more Stede >:)" only to show his little wedding topper doll with Stede's subsequent "HULLOOO, IDWAD."

Killed me. KILLED ME DEAD. And also, a neat little way of editing call Ed out on his bullshit REAL FAST HSDJKSL. like, honey, you can try, but you know full and damn well that silly little guy has burrowed into the deepest chambers of your heart. he has your heart and you have his, WHOOPS.

Ricky, right? This is Ricky??

"WHEN I CATCH YOU, RICKY. RICKY, WHEN I CATCH YOU, RICKY..."

So okay, a nose prosthesis is metal as hell, but that means we ALLLLLL know who he got tangled with PFFF. And I believe we see him in the Republic of Pirates talking to Stede and Co??? So I'm very VERY interested to see how that all devolves, and how he goes from vibing to wanting to throw hands.

Unless he was like, on some sort of reconnaissance mission for the British in the first place.

But I digress. RICKY, WHEN I CATCH YOU, RICKY. RICKY, WHEN I CATCH YOU HSDJKLSLKS

...The way I missed this SEVERAL times over, and didn't even see it until someone else pointed it out in another post.

IZZY WITH A HOOF PEGLEG. PRESUMABLY FROM THE UNICORN. BECAUSE WHERE ELSE WOULD THEY GET A WOODEN HOOF HSDKLJS.

But that also has me like 👁️👁️ for SO many different reasons. How did he lose a good portion of his leg? Was Stede the one to offer up the unicorn leg as a pegleg?

And TRULY, WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH HIM AND STEDE ANYWAY HSDKJLS LIKE I STILL CAN'T EVEN WRAP MY MIND FULLY AROUND THAT ONE,,,

My running theory is still that like...Izzy wanted a very specific version of Blackbeard. Izzy wanted someone who no longer exists, or maybe never existed to begin with. And so Izzy thought he was doing right by taking Stede out of the picture and nudging Ed back into a more viscous type of pirating...

Only for that to COMPLETELY backfire, and for Ed to get far more unstable. And like, something something Izzy was already complaining about Ed's "erratic moods" and "questionable decisions" BEFORE Stede came into the picture, so I doubt he's going to be content with Ed's turmoil and all the impulsivity that'll likely come with it.

So maybe, MAYBE, I'm thinking he'll have a bit of growth by realizing that Ed and Stede need each other, or maybe that Ed was way happier when things were smoother between him and Stede, at least. And knowing him and his characterization lol, it might not even be a selfless realization/decision. Maybe he'll only be doing it because he wants a less emotional version of Ed, and thinks that having Stede around and being cordial with him will allow that to happen.

And maybe it leads to even MORE growth when he gets roped into training Stede/the crew idk.

Regardless, REGARDLESS, they are one of the last pairs I ever expected to team up, because they were ACTIVELY bitching at each other all through last season HSDJKS.

HI AGAIN OLU MY SWEET LOVELY OLU MY SWEETHEART DARLING <3

BUT WHO ARE WE FIGHTING, SIR. WHAT'S THE TEA????

I'm not 100% certain, but it SEEMS like this is at Jackie's, or at least in the Republic of Pirates somewhere. And based on Ricky's injury, and also other little tidbits of footage, it SEEMS like something goes down there. Maybe some sort of scuffle between the Navy and our guys or something equivalent that snowballs into even ~*~Larger Problems~*~

SEE BECAUSE YEAH—EXPLOSIONS?? CANNON FIRE??? WHAT'RE Y'ALL DOIIINNNGGG LMAO.

And it's so wild because I definitely see Olu (with the CROCS OFC LMAO) and Pete, and then I THINK I see Lucius and Izzy in that mix too??? So like,,,

WHAT DID Y'ALL GET TANGLED IN SDHJKSKLS. AND WHERE IN THE SEASON WOULD THIS FALL??????

Oh this hurts lol. This one hurts. This one hurts a LOT. Stede Bonnet stop breaking my heart Challenge: impossible.

Because that's his home. That's his soul placed into a ship. That's the conglomeration of his hope, and heart, and adventure, and family,,,

And it's in RUINS.

LIKE, CAN THINGS STOP GOING BADLY FOR HIM ACTUALLY HSDKJS. CAN HE STOP GETTING DECKED BY HIS TRAUMA OVER AND OVER AND OVER. BECAUSE,,,

Fresh off the "you defile beautiful things/you're a monster/you're a failure/you ruin everything you touch" train, and he comes back to this. And if this is after he reunites with Ed and realizes things are bad, then man, that'll be even WORSE.

LIKE, NUMEROUS CHAMBERS OF HIS HEART HAVE BEEN SHREDDED. HIS HOME AND HEART ARE BROKEN.

mmMMmmmMMMMMM DAVID CAN WE MAYBE NOT <3 SHDJKLSKS

BUT, off we go cartwheeling from that footage to a VERY interesting bit of dialogue from Stede:

"The entire escape relies on this."

Escape?? ESCAPE???

Here I was thinking they enlisted they help of the Red Flag Fleet and/or Susan to try and catch up with the Revenge. So, ESCAPE???????

Did they get captured? Snatched up from the Republic of Pirates or something equivalent? Does someone have beef with Ed and holds Stede and Co hostage because they're trying to aid him?

OR, are they voluntarily on that ship to hide/lay low from the Navy or something, but their cover has been blown, and they have to quickly flee back onto the Revenge?

Very very inch resting whatever the case.

...

STEDE. FOOKIN. BONNET,,,

🧎🧎🧎🧎🧎🧎

LIKE SIR, WHAT THE FUCK SHDSKD, Y'KNOW??? WITH THE STIDDIES OUT AND THE EARRING AND THE SCRUFF,,,

GOD LMAO. JESUS CHALUPA. CEASE.

like, you're telling me ed is going to see him like this and isn't going to IMMEDIATELY drop and start tying his hair into a ponytail? mmmMMKAY

BUT OKAY—ACTUALLY, that joke sort of brings me to a more angsty theory, because of course it does lol. I have to wonder if Stede is dressing like this because he legitimately wants to, OR, if it's because he feels like he has to.

Like, something something he's trying to do everything he can to win respect and establish himself and ALSO win back his man. And, something something he is ONCE AGAIN doing what HE thinks Ed wants, as opposed to what Ed might ACTUALLY want. Like, "Oh, he's a notorious pirate. He'll like me again if I have a little more gruff and backbone, right? That's what pirates like, right???"

LIKE NO YOU DOOFUS HSDSHDS HE LOVES YOU AS YOU ARE, JUST AS YOU LOVE HIM HOW HE IS. AND HE DREAMS OF DRESSING IN A DRESS WHEN MARRYING YOU. SO LIKE,,,

IF THAT IS INDEED THE CASE, I'M BEATING ED TO THE CHASE AND HEADBUTTING HIM MYSELF HSDKJLSDS.

*grumbling* even though it's a very VERY good look on him, so i hope it's more on his own volition.

I just want him to feel comfortable as HIMSELF, and feel like he doesn't have to perform/conform to anything. And I think there's something very deeply queer about him and Ed BOTH going through that. They're BOTH trying to figure themselves out and what they're comfortable with and who they want to be. And I hope that, IF this is his look, it's something that HE wants entirely.

((Which makes me raise my eyebrows a bit more because of the Cunty Red Jacket. Because he's CUNT. And also his curls are more pronounced when he wears that too. SooOOOoooOOO?????? VERY interested to see what he wants, and where he comfortably settles))

AND GODDDDDD ONTO YET ANOTHER VERY EYEBROW RAISING PART LMAO.

So, we've seen that shot of someone falling into the water like 80 million times at this point. And this trailer ALSO showed an additional shot of said person SINKING into the gloom. At least, I THINK it was the same person/connected. Again, could be a total misdirect lol.

And then we've seen all the blue-tinted shots of Ed off on his own somewhere, fight someone/something all the while being accompanied by some unknown figure.

And BECAUSE of the tinting/consistent lighting, and BECAUSE of the figure accompanying him, I have to also wonder like others similarly are...

Is this a DREAM???

Is this some sort of unconscious sequence where Ed works through trauma/hurt/demons? Is that person with him the ghost of Hornigold or another significant figure from his past? And does said sequence end with him jumping from the cliff and allowing the Kraken to disappear back to the gloom???

But something that makes that whole theory SUS is the shots we've gotten of someone, presumably Ed, coming up out of the ocean. And it's not tinted blue like all of these other shots are.

So it's just hsdjkhsdjksdhskjdhsjksfs??????

Regardless, REGARDLESS, I think all of this points to Ed going on some sort of journey, some sort of bout of self-discovery and self-acceptance. I think he's going to heal parts of himself, or at least SETTLE with parts of himself, no matter the circumstances. And that would be so good because I want that so badly for him. I want him to be able to do that for himself.

...AND SPEAKING OF HEALING SHDJKSKLS

BUNNY. BUNNET. SIR THAT'S MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT STEDE BUNNET.

but omfg this is yet another case of my brain not being able to piece together timelines. because ed babe where ARE you. "BABYGIRL WHERE ARE YEEEWW..."

He looks so soft, and also has on a different ring??? An emerald/cyan looking ring??? AND THE KRAKEN RING THAT TAIKA ALWAYS WEARS HSDKJS.

So I just hsdjkhdjklsdhdjklshsjkls. "jodi you'e literally going to find out in like less than a month" I KNOW I KNOW OKAY BUT THAT DOESN'T PREVENT ME FROM GNAWING ON MY DESK FOR 18-ISH MORE DAYS HSDKJLS.

Also, as an aside, I SO very hope this leads to Fangy getting a puppy. I SO very hope that the "pets befouling the ship" clause is scratched from the rulebook PFFFF.

LOOK AT MY SWEETHEARTS HAVING FUN. LOOK AT JIM BEING UNHINGED SHDKJSS LOVE THAT FOR THEM. SERIOUS GOOSE IS BACK TO SILLY GOOSE!!! LOOK AT STEDE LOOKING LIKE A PROUD DAD. THIS IS THE SHIT I'M HERE FOR!!!

also hi hello is that archie. dO YOU THINK ARCHIE WANTS M-(GUNSHOTS)

i'll just be in the corner sobbing over being attracted to so many of these damn pirates. like, it's an Issue

...mmMMMMMM ONLY FOR ME TO TRANSITION RIGHT BACK INTO ANGST TERRITORY LMAO. BECAUSE STEDE, DARLING, WHAT IS THAT INJURY???

I've seen people theorize it's a stab wound, a bullet wound, or some sort of wound that was burned/cauterized. Either way, EITHER WAY, OUCH??? CAN MY DARLING PLEASE KNOW PEACE HSDJKSDKL

Also again, this all plays back into my theory that they're having a party, only to get crashed by some sort of navy personal or another pirate bounty hunter of some variety. And Stede gets captured/tortured.

*Banging pots and pans together* WHEEEEERE ARE WE IN THE TIMELINE WHERE ARE WE IN THE TIMELINE WHERE ARE WE HSDJKLSHDLKS

Same shirt, but has his EARRING. And is BATTLING A SHIT TON OF PEOPLE. So I would assume this comes AFTER the party fiasco, but also jsjshdjkshlJKHDKLS????

Also the CONCERN on his face is so striking. It makes me wonder if he's looking at Ed. ESPECIALLY because—

SAME BEACH, SAME BATTLE??? SEPARATED BY THE PARTY FIASCO AND ARE NOW FIGHTING TO GET TO ONE ANOTHER?????

But two things about this shot. Well, three, if you count me absolutely FOAMING at the mouth at getting to see Ed battle because hsdjhsjkhsdjkls bARK,,,

One, his sword is bloody. Love that for him. King shit. Slicing and dicing.

BUT TWO, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, HE APPEARS TO BE HOLDING HIS RIGHT SIDE. NOT THE LEFT SIDE WHERE HE'S BEEN STABBED LIKE 12+ TIMES, BUT THE RIGHT.

HE GETS INJURED??? DO THEY BOTH GET INJURED?????? DAVID I KNOW WE HAVE LIKE 18+ DAYS LEFT BUT I'M DYING OVER HERE HSDJKSLDS

oh hi izzy lmao the way i did not expect the hardest line in the trailer to come from him.

"You don't know the first thing about piracy. It's not about glory, it's about belonging to something."

God. GOD. I really feel like he's going to end up surprising me so much this season lmao.

((BECAUSE NOT TO MENTION, THE FACT THAT HE'S TALKING TO RICKY, AND IT JUST SEEMS,,, 👀))

oh god y'all lmao. want to see how loud i can scream. because, i missed this my first few watches, and didn't even notice until it was later pointed out in people's posts, but,,,

LUCIUS!!! L U C I U S!!!!!! MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND LUCIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEARD, WOODEN FINGER, AND ALL.

MY DARLING. MY GUY. MY BESTIE!!!!!!!

Listen, I was like 99.9999999999999999% sure he was alive okay lol. Because NARRATIVELY, he had to be. NARRATIVELY, I think his death would have sent things into irreparable places. Also, silly little pirate rom/com; Y'ALL CAN'T KILL OFF ONE OF THE MOST BELOVED CHARACTERS LMAO LIKE NO WAY.

But regardless, I'm so happy to see him. I'm SO so happy to see him. AND I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE HIM REUNITE WITH PETE, AS WELL AS SEE HIS REAL AWKWARD INTERACTIONS WITH ED, I'M SURE HSDJKS

Obligatory Wee John in drag mention/shoutout. Because come on now. COME ON NOW. HE'S FUCKING SERVING. ABSOLUTELY SLAYING. THAT BLUE LOOKS SO SO FUCKING GOOD ON HIM TOO. AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY FOR KRISTIAN AS WELL LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

Annnnnnd Obligatory Tealoranges mention/shoutout because goodness, look at them. LOOK at them. LOOK HOW SOFT JIM LOOKS. LOOK HOW SWEET THEY ARE. I'M EATING MY ARM!!!

*Baywatch Theme starts playing*

But okay okay what are we thinking:

Training montage/sequence? Or romantic moment?

STEDE'S ROCKY MOMENT LMAO, OR STEDE'S ROMANTIC HERO MOMENT. RUNNING TO GET GAINS, OR RUNNING TO GET HIS MAN.

OOOOOOO BITCH LMAO. OOOOOOOOOOOO BITCH. *RUBS HANDS TOGETHER*

and also snorting at ed's eyes because, just when i think they can't get any bigger,,, just when i think he can't possibly get even More Eyes than usual,,,

But okay hi hello WOWZERS this sequence. This one REALLY has my brain churning.

And I'm subsequently in the camp of thinking that this is very very soon after their reunion, if not their REUNION PROPER. I'm sort of leaning more towards the former, because something tells me they'd want to keep their reunion proper a secret/save it, since it'll likely be a very pivotal moment.

But regardless, SOMETHING SOMETHING SEASON 1 EP3 MIRROR? STEDE FINDS ED INJURED AND WATCHES OVER HIM???? I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW HYPE THAT WOULD MAKE MEEEEE HURT/COMFORT AND PARALLELS MY BELOVED!!!

Because Ed is DEFINITELY injured. Blood on the side of his head, various cuts and bruises across his face, etc etc. And Stede looks very Concerned when he calls his name. So I'm just 👀

Not to mention also, Ed seems VERY out of it. His eyes are wide/glazed-looking in all of the subsequent shots. And his first reaction is to headbutt Stede away shdkjshdkjs.

So again, the theory that it's right around their reunion seems very plausible, based upon reactions and outfits and the like. BUT WHO KNOWS.

also, for the record, still sobbing at how stede keeps his arm protectively draped over ed during these shots,,,

AND *RUBS HANDS OVER THIS ONE TOO*

,,,and maybe also *wipes tears away* because he just looks so SERENE. he looks so CALM. i have to wonder if this is after a pivotal moment in his healing, be it from his own realizations, an intimate conversation with stede, or both.

i just hope he's legitimately feeling better right here because i want that for him. i want that SO bad for him. I WANT THE WORLD FOR HIM!!!

Annnnnnnd ending it off with this shot because omfg. Three things.

One, JACKIE AND ED GIRLS NIGHT REAL,,,

Two, Ed trying something "different" has me sobbing and throwing up. He just wants to be comfortable. He just wants to be HIMSELF. He just wants to stop PERFORMING AND MASKING.

Three, THE SWEDE AND JACKIE LMAO??? SWACKIE??? THE SWEDE LOOKING SO INCREDIBLY HOT??? THEY WERE NOT LYING WHEN THEY SAID EVERYONE WAS GOING TO BE HOT SHDJKSD

anyway, if you made it this far, then bless you and your resilience LMAO. but also if you made it this far, you're probably just as excited as i am. like, after this trailer, after seeing all of our darlings and seeing the silliness and seeing the interactions...

idk, i'm just feeling THAT much happier. i'm feeling THAT much more confident in our showrunners/cast/crew. and i cannot WAIT to continue feeling happy with all of y'all <3

18 DAYS AND COUNTING. CANNOT WAIT TO SEE HOW WRONG I AM LMAOOOO <333