#also i still don't like how your character literally breaks apart every time you take damage

[parab0mb]

Fuck it we Moll(y)

Decided to break out my old DS and replay Drawn to Life, a game I haven't touched in literally over a decade (mostly just to see how it holds up). And since I used my OC Molly Majacqueline for the role of the hero when I last played it, I decided to keep her as the star for this go-around.

Of course, I pretty much completely overhauled Molly's character since then, so it's somewhat funny to imagine this bratty and self-absorbed little witch reluctantly fighting for the greater good just so she can go home faster (I'm sure she'd warm up to villagers eventually tho 😉).

Also it turns out I still have my old completed save file on the cartridge, so here's the old, not-rude Molly just for comparison's sake:

[agirlwholovesrockstars]

careless whisper

♡ STEVE HARRINGTON'S MASTERLIST ♡

❁ AGATHA'S MAIN PAGE ❁

You can read this as it is but if you wanted more from this, here's a sequel "Baby Come Back"

﹆ Summary : you loved him with all your heart but he became unfaithful and there's nothing that he can do to mend it, is it really your last dance together?

﹆ Word Count : and again hoping it's not that too long for y'all

﹆ Warnings : 18+ MDNI‼️KingSteve! x FEM!reader, cursing, Steve and reader are both (18), unprotected sex, p in v penetration, both oral receiving, SMUT‼️, slight public sex I guess?, Steve will be so oblivious with readers feelings, cheating, unrequited love, friends to lovers, emotional abuse, tolerating, no use of y/n, not going to give any spoilers in here but beware that this will be ANGSTY!

﹆ What to Expect : SMUT‼️, FLUFF‼️, ANGST‼️, Steve and reader are the IT couple on Hawkins High, of course- by the term "King Steve" you know what that means, sorry ✌🏻

﹆ Note To Reader : Y'ALL BABY'S FIRST EVER STEVE HARRINGTON FIC!!!! AHHHHH <3 I'm so excited to spill all of my ideas about my first ever fave character from the show! and yeah I also apologize that I chose to do angst first 😔🤚🏻

﹆ Author Note : this is literally one of my favorite songs from George Michael and don't come at me, okay?!? I was just listening to this song and I was like why is this so Steve coded?!? AND YUP IT CLICKED AN IDEA!!!! ;))

Present : Prom 1984

"How are you holding up?" He asks as he tries to look at your eyes but you're avoiding it

"Been alright" you say as you look at him very briefly, your touches with him as you both swayed in the dance floor it felt different

His heart sunk when you couldn't even look into his eyes in the same way again

The eyes that are once so dreamy when you both locked in

He can tell that you're still moving on from him

He can tell that your eyes speaks louder than words

He can tell that you're still hurting because of him

Past : He shouldn't had an affair with someone else

"Diana, she isn't-"

"I know"

Steve is staggered as he swallows nervously in front of you, he wishes to be sucked down deeply on the floor and never to be seen again

He's ashamed for himself

He doesn't understand the meaning and the idea of love until it hits him like a block of bricks

And it hit really hard to the point that right after he slept with the other woman that night after the party that you both went out

He realized he made a mistake

A huge mistake that "sorry" can never undo the damage to what he has been done

Once the trust is broken it can never be fixed

You know he had a choice not to choose to cheat on you

But you laugh in disbelief as you think about it

Oh, right, he's King Steve

He doesn't know feelings and wants to keep his title to stay relevant

"W-Wait, you knew?"

"Everybody at school knows about it, Steve" you tried your very best to mask your pained expression but he can see it

The look on your face pierces right through his chest as he gulps

You have every right to be mad at him

You have every chance to shout and yell at him

But you didn't....

You talk so cold like it doesn't even matter to you

He darts his eyes everywhere in the room as he spoke again "After all this time?"

You sigh tiredly "Yeah"

He shook his head at you as he couldn't believe what you just said

"How? H-How you look-"

"What- I look what?!"

"You look...fine"

You incredulously laugh "Of course, I've had to Steve, we both got a title to keep it stable, right?" You reply to him in a mockery way as he averts his eyes somewhere else

"If you knew then why are you still with me?"

You frown at his words as you take all the courage to not breakdown at him, to not show him that you're weak but you failed since....

You love him too much that it's okay if you break apart from him

"Because I love you, Steve! Why don't you get that?!?"

Your chest heaves heavily as you try to control your breath as you cried angrily but also filled with sadness and frustration

Steve gasps, the moment you snap at him and saw you for the first time like this

You've never showed your side of vulnerability, yes, you've told him a couple of glimpses of your life but never this

Now, his eyes burned with forming tears as he tries to close his mouth in shock

You loved him? No one has ever loved him truly before

"I loved you so much that I play pretend so I can keep you!" You hiccupped into your own tears

"I loved you too" he said it out loud before he can stop himself, you saw how his eyes widens when he realizes what he just said

It's like a record scratch, you stare at him with your tear-stained cheeks as you studied his face

You blink, "What?!?"

"I've been drawn to you ever since we we're friends"

"S-Steve" you shift on your stance

"You're the only friend that I've ever had, who knows me better than I do"

You throw your palms on your face as you continue to sob

You're both dating for almost 2 years but why does he have to betray you to make him realize that he is in love just like you?

"Is this true?" You quietly say as you wipe away your tears

"Yes, it is" he walks closer to you but you moved away giving him the signal that you don't want him to hold you

"I-I tried to ignore the signs before that I thought maybe you- you just wanted this for to gain something"

What the fuck?

"Is that all really matters to you? Steve? don't you even think about how much I've suffered to maintain my sweet-like personality whenever we walked in the hallways?!?"

He thought maybe if he confessed his true feelings to you, everything will go back to normal

But it doesn't....

Not even the truth will bring the both of you comfort

Pain is all there ever is

"I've wanted to scream and I'm so tired to act like everything is okay, I really really wanted us to last, Steve"

"Turns out it was just only me who wanted to have a future with you"

The words just rolls out of your bitter tongue and it's a punch to his gut

"N-No, that isn't true" he begs

"You lost me, Steve, you had your chance and you blew it" you sniffle

Before he can say anything, you left him alone in his house as his eyes are still glued at the closed door hoping that you'll come back

But you never ever did

Future : if only he's loyal to you this wouldn't happen

You endured every single thing that his friends talked about you

Talked about, you're not fit into their world

Saying that "she doesn't belong here" but you didn't care because why?

You loved him

You love Steve Harrington despite what everyone else says

You don't care about titles

You don't care about these social cliques

You just wanted to have good friends and well, maybe love

Everybody adored you at school saying that you're the sweetest and kindest popular girl, it's actually rare for them to have those qualities because most of them are fucking assholes

You even overheard some other people like how did you even get into this situation?

Back in 1982, you're a new kid at school and you somehow manage to get into King Steve's heart without any hassle

You wished you've only stayed as friends

So, this wouldn't have hurt this much

"Steve!"

"What?"

"You know I'm ticklish!"

"I don't know" he feigns innocence and he still continues torturing you into your side as he towers over you as you lay at the grass with a blanket on his backyard

"Stop!" You say with a breathy laugh

He chuckles when you pout at him holding the both of his wrists "Okay, okay"

There's a moment that both of you halted over your silliness at each other

He never felt anything like this before

His heart is beating so loud that he could hear it throbbing on his ear

Your eyes went everywhere to his face

He is absolutely so beautiful up close like this

You're the first one to break the whatever that was

He nods as he runs his fingers through his hair as he watches you

He is so thankful that he has someone like you

You've never judged him, you let him know that emotions are valid that he can always count on you

You comforted him on his darkest days, you're the sunshine that help him to forget his absent parents

You feel so sorry for him when he told you he's alone most of the time in his enormous house

Yeah, maybe he's wealthy but he did not once felt happy until you came along

You're like an angel, he knows that he made the right decision to sit next to you at English Class, that's where it all began your newfound friendship

A part of him is afraid at that time you might back out if you found out that he's King Steve and his reputation at school

He is surprised that you didn't knew anything about him and that gives him a relief

After everything crashed down, now, you wished you knew all about him that's how he thinks about love

It's all just fun and games to him

You cursed at yourself for being so lovesick

A smile grows on his lips as watches you ate cherries on the vanilla milkshake that he make for you, it's your favorite

The whipped cream went on the sides of lips as you take a sip from the straw

He swiped it using his thumb and you blushed at his sudden action

He licked it off clean as you watch him

He catches you staring, there's a unreadable gleam on your eyes that he didn't not quite understood yet

Steve can't even register that he's moving closer to you and you froze as you hold your milkshake tightly as he cradles your cheek

He runs his tongue over his lips as his eyes stare at your rosy lips

He moves inches closer and your breath hitches, your mouth is slightly open as you look at him

He gave you one last look before he dive in

Your lips are now connected to his as he pulled you closer to him, he snatches your milkshake away as he puts it down as you start squirming and shut your eyes as you throw your arms around him

He smiles through the kiss as he deepens making you moan and his heart flutters at the sound of it, your hand crawls through his perfectly styled hair and he made a guttural groan at your move as you tug it slightly

His hands went at your waist as he squeezes it, the touch is overwhelming and your skin feels on fire everytime he grabs and graze his fingertips under over your clothed body

He slowly made you lay down beneath the blanket as you spread your legs to position himself on top of you

Your heart had never been this so fast, he tilts his head over the side as you yelp when his hands went under your skirt he starts toying with the garter of your panties, he smirks through the kiss

He cuts off your heated make out session as he removes his shirt and his eyes widens when you chase his lips as he pecks on it, you blink at his bared chest as you became flustered yet again, your fumbled panicky with the buttons of your blouse but he halted you as you let him undress you

It reveals a red lacy bra as he wolfishly whistles and you playfully slapped his chest as you duck your head down in a shy manner

God, why you gotta be so adorable?

He uses his index finger and his thumb to lift your chin to make you look at his gaze as you finally take him in

His cheeks are flushed, his hair is a mess and both of you are matching the same looks

The look that he's giving you, it's enough to make your mouth run dry and the wetness is pooling between your red lacy underwear

It doesn't take him too long to kiss your lips once again as he rises up slowly to undo his belt and his pants along with his boxers

He unclasps your bra as he throws on the side doesn't really matter where it lands as your hands when back onto your skirt to unzip it as you shimmy down and put it away

He reaches at your red lacy underwear but the moment he struggles to get it off, he starts to get impatient he snaps it just right about where your knees making you squeal

"I'll get you a new one, don't worry, baby" he growls as his hot kisses went everywhere on your chest and you can tell that he is hesitant to touch you

He doesn't even know if you wanted this but as if you can read his mind, the second thoughts were erased as you told him

"Steve, it's okay, you can touch me"

You breath heavily with his kneading your breasts as he plants smearing marks on your neck hitting that sweet spot making you mewl

He pats your thigh as a signal to wrap it on his hips

He holds your waist aggressively you know it will be bruised and it turns you on even more

You gasp as you can felt his tip intruding your tight hole as you can feel him entering smoothly along with your juices and arousal

It doesn't even needed a lubrication, he is drenched because of you

"Jesus Christ, y-you're dripping wet" he grunts as he watches your cunt devouring him as he can see your eyes fighting to stay open

He smirks as he fills you all the way up, you throw your head onto the side as you bit down your bottom lip

"S-Steve, please move"

He is so big to make you scream as you finally adjusted to his size and felt comfortable with pain and pleasure

He puts the other leg down as he lifts the other one as he puts over his shoulder and pulls you down closer to him that earned a whimper from you

He starts rutting in and out slowly, he hasn't even done anything and yet, it's driving you crazy

The squelching noises, the slamming back and forth with his slow pace as you start clenching around him

"Goddamn it, baby, you gotta stop doing that" his mouth is hanging open and already knows what heaven feels like

This is heaven

He doesn't ever want to leave

"M-Move f-faster" you stuttered between soft moans as you pawing at his hairy covered chest as he begins to go rough on you

Your hand flew over as you slapped and covered your mouth as your breasts start to jiggle from his movement, he tear off your hand as he pins it down

"Don't be shy on me, I wanna hear you loud and clear"

You whine and arched your back as he start to held both of your arms to go along with his neck as he pulls you even more further making him go deeper inside of you as you throw your head back and you gave him his wishes

You moaned beautifully as he devilishly smirks as he kisses you again but this time is filled with lust and teeth began to clash

Your whole body feels lumpy as both of you went back down as he raises both of your arms over the top of your head as he pounds at you placing kisses all over your face

You watch him down below as he fucks you ramming his way so easily

Your eyes rolls back as your high pitched moans went "ah-ah-ah" he feels so fucking great to hear those coming out of you because he's the one that made you feel like this

"So tight, baby, you're killing me"

"S-Steve, don't sto-p"

You wrap your legs around him as you tangle at him along with his body to push him down

"Oh shit!" he exclaims as his eyes darkens

You giggle but the time when he fingers touched your clit and you shudder

"Not so funny are we now, baby?" He bullys your clit earning a lewd noises falls from your lips

You nod at him pathetically as you matched his movements making him chuckle darkly

He lets go of your hands as he hooks his hand under your knees as he sheathes himself inside of you

You started babbling at him saying "S-Steve- fuck! That's it right there!" You shouted out loud but not without a moan

Yes, this is what he wanted

Let the neighbors hear you that he's the one who giving you this sweet pleasure

He thrusts as you shake your head begging for a release

"Yes, baby, I know, just let it go, I got you"

"ah-Steve!-oh"

You moan wildly as you chant his name as you came undone

He spills his load painting your flesh walls white

Your legs are trembling and you're shaking badly as he lazily smile as his spent body went boneless on top of you

You embrace him with your warmth along with your tangled legs as you kept him in place

His eyes go big when he realizes he had done something, you felt him became tense as you hold him softly by his shoulder blades

Despite, the fiery sex that you just both had, you're still in that haze but you remembered that both of you just did that on his backyard is making you feel fuzzy

He carefully rips himself off of you as he start scrambling to get on with his boxers

You immediately missed his scent on you

You furrow your brows as you watch him run off with that worried look on his eyes

You didn't have the time to wear your discarded clothes as you chose to grab his towel that is hanging around the lounge chair that he uses when he wants to take a dip from his swimming pool, you covered it with your naked body

"Steve! Wait- what is it?" You asked him with concern his heart feels booming inside of his chest by the tone of your voice

You really did care about him

This is all too good to be true

You followed him as he moves the sliding the door as he went outside he stopped once he's in there

You stare at behind his back and insecurities are now lurking in the shadows

Did he regret it?

Just run off and never look back save yourself from rejection

But you didn't instead, you touched his shoulder softly as he melts with it, you call out to his name again, you swore you heard him crying

He slowly turns his body around facing you and now you met Steve's eyes with threatening tears that are about to fall

"O-Oh my god, Steve? Are you okay?- Tell m-"

"W-We didn't use protection- and I-" he croaked up in his own tears

"I came inside of you and I didn't even asked you first that if you wanted this to happen" he motions at the two of you and you can see the guilty look from his eyes as he rests his forehead against with yours

Your eyes softens as it starts become glossy

Did he ruin your friendship?

Did he broke the last precious thing that meant a lot from him?

"Steve, it's fine, I've wanted you to"

His blinked the tears away just to see your face clearly

"Y-You wanted it?" He says as he holds your hands raising it closer to his face as he kisses it

You take a deep breath through your nose as you brave enough to confess your feelings

"I wanted you more than as a friend, Steve"

The swallows the lump on his throat as his chest eases out from tension

"The truth is that I love you, Steve" a fallen tear as you smile at him

Your eyes are shining with so much affection that he doesn't have before and it scares him

He shakes his head in disbelief as he watches you hug him

"You don't have to say anything, I just wanted you to know that I do, I am really in love with you"

He squeezes his eyes shut to your words as he hugs you tightly as he rests on the crook of your shoulder

He finally got what he wanted all of his life

Until, he realizes it was too late

He was too late for him to figure it all out, when you finally made up your mind that you want him in the first place

You loved him too early, he loved you too late

Aftermath : you can't ever lie to yourself that you still want him after how he treated you harshly

As much as you wanted to cling on to him and keep things the way they were

You know what's best for you

You know it's the right thing to do

You know deep down to your soul that you don't want this to end

But this is all too much for you, too much for you to bear

The agony, pain, sorrow, disappointment, heartache, if you continue this, you will be miserable

You want it keep it going, hell, if he asked you to marry him, you would, fuck, he might not even finished saying the lines, you will say "yes" to everything

But his heart is elsewhere, his mind is remains afloat

You got your heart and your soul devoted to him, you gave your most sacred value, your body

Only to be wasted to be washed away down the drain

But still, you've never regret doing it to him,

But no matter what you do, no matter how many times he apologizes to you, sure, you can see it that he despised his fault for your failed relationship

It isn't feel right and it isn't working

You can't see and look at him in the same way before, all you can see is....

It's deceitful, it's making you so angry but you will never show how hot-headed you are

Because, yet again, you loved him, no matter how you wanted to scratch his face out of madness

He is intimidated by your whole sense of nonchalant micro expressions but he knows behind that mask

You're upset

You know it yourself that you've done everything that you could ever give to him

You conclude in your own thoughts alone that you aren't enough for him

There might be sprinkle of insecurity that you wanted to brush it off but that's what you feel

You supported him, take care of him, you've been a good listener, you've been a loving girlfriend of his that in other people lenses

You're just an eye candy

Now, you understand what you've gotten those sympathetic eyes on you at school

Because this is all what comes down to....

You're just another girl that he got himself a jackpot to his prize

Just another trophy to his collection that he just....slept with you and he'll do it again after to the next girl that he got eyes targeted

Despite at how brutal that sounds

You will always love him

Back to Prom 1984

You can feel everyone's eyes on the both of you

You're dancing together at the center of the dance floor

They knew about you and Steve's relationship and the infidelity that he has done

They knew about the bond that is going to fall apart

Steve thought that the music is far from being too loud, he is getting overwhelmed by it, he wants to turn it off and leave the premises with you where he feels safe

Now, he is slipping off with your delicate fingers, the only sanctuary that he has ever given and he knows that he is fucking lucky to have you

He wished that the both of you could lose this crowd

"Let's go outside"

"N-No, S-Steve- No"

He ignores your protests and he tugs at your hand leading you out of the dance floor as he tries to scrape you off your feet and dragged you outside

The students starts whispering all around

He is surprised that you let him hold you

You let him intertwined your hands with his

He pushes you outside first slowly and he closes the door behind him, the music blurs out

You wrap your arms around yourself the night chilly air hits your delectable skin as the fairy lights from the streets makes you look glowy

He sadly sighs as he finally had the chance to look at you like this again

This is the only time that he saw what's in your eyes, god- is this what he trying to dodge? what is he thinking? all he wanted is to punch himself for cheating on you

All he can see the remnants of your undying love to him on your eyes but also mixed with a cloud of gloominess

He fucked up big time

He removes his coat as he tries to give it to you

"I don't want your coat" you step away as you sternly look at him

He ignores again, your remark as he places his coat around you

"What should I do to gain back your trust, please tell me" his hazel eyes pleads for you and your eyes burning from the tears forming

Your chest tightens, you don't want to have this conversation again

You know it'll ended up so raw and you feel exposed by your feelings and the worst case

The transparency of your emotions

The seconds as he awaits for your reply, the music from the gymnasium dies

You look at him that he doesn't ever wanted to see

It terrifies him horribly as he begins to cry in front of you as you did too

"Oh, god- please no" his voice starts breaking and your heart shattered at the sound of it

He knows exactly the meaning behind your melancholic eyes

It's all sad goodbyes

"Steve, maybe it's better this way" you say as you held his cheeks as he presses himself against it at the palm of your hands as he kisses it

"No, it's not-"

He knows that you aren't a fool to this any longer, he knows what's about to happen but he can't help but beg for you to not leave him

You rip your hand out of his cheeks as he already misses your touches

You hated how fast you feel powerless over him whenever you talked to him like this

You hated how easily that he can get to touch like nothing happened

But, not this time, not anymore

You're trusting your gut, you listen to your inner voice

"Steve! If we pick up where we left off, we'd just end up hurting ourselves and it will hurt a lot more of the things that we wanted to say to each other"

"Don't say it like that- I promise that'll be better, I'll prove it to you"

You slam your lips over his and he can't help but feel the same butterflies on his stomach that he once ignored, you kissed him like it was your last breath

There's a voice inside of his head that says he something is bad is about to happen

God, if he could only turn back the time and he'll make things right

"Don't let this get over with your head, I am giving you one last dance, one last touch and one last kiss"

"N-No, please- don't let go-"

"I'm saying that this is goodbye, Steve"

"W-We could've have been so good together, we could've have this dance forever"

You smile sadly, "I wish you thought about that before you crossed me" he watches you as you take off his coat from your shoulders

Your heels hits the pavement as it starts clicking as you walked away from him

He chases you as he hugged you from behind, you breakdown in tears again, he rests his head over your shoulder as he sniffled

"Please stay"

"You will always have my heart, you know it belongs to you ever since, Steve, and I'm always going to love you, but I have to go" you caressed his hand as you remove yourself from him as you take a look at him one last time

"I love you Steve Harrington, thank you for giving me how betrayal feels like" you humorlessly chuckle as he runs his hands over his face, he keeps shaking his head sideways

You kissed his cheek as he watches you with those tired eyes, of course, you can notice everything, the dark circles surrounding his eyes

He hasn't gotten any sleep like you do

He can't sleep properly because of you

His mind and his heart screams at you

He wants you back on his life, but now, he's alone again

He hates himself and he knows what he did is unforgivable and unforgettable

"I'll miss you, take care okay?" You choke in your own tears as you fixed his hair for the last time, the kind gesture that he always admired, he can't believe that this is the last time

He holds both of your shoulders "I can't never love again, I only want you"

Your heart cracks piece by piece to his words

The time is running out, you need to move

"If you really love me you have to let me go, Steve"

He begrudgingly loosens his hold on you as he watches you walking towards your car, his eyes are fixated on you and you know it

You badly wanted to look at him again, but you decided against it, you don't even wanna leave him like this but it had to be done

He cries standing all alone on that night

You cried while driving home as your knuckles turn white as you grip on the steering wheel

He knows for a fact that he will never gonna dance again

The way he danced with you

[kenny-the-ken]

Y O U + M E |Pt 3|

A LOT OF WARNINGS WITH THIS ONE!!!! ALL AGED UP CHARACTERS AND IN HIGH SCHOOL/COLLEGE!! Loosely based on the Netflix show YOU, if y'all have seen it,,, then you know what Kenny's gonna do. If you haven't seen it,,, strap yourselves in, it's a lot!! Yandre Kenny, strong language, sexual content, violence, mentions of blood, gore, stalking, obsession and narcissistic thinking, so please beware!! I warned y'all!!

ALSO!!! A lot of this fic is written as Kenny's internal monologue and from his perspective so bare that in mind!!

Spring break. The literal bane of my existence. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love parties, I've taken more drugs than most people I know, excluding my parents of course, but Spring Break in the US was known for crazy parties, girls half naked in bikinis, guys chugging 2% alcohol content beers thinking that they're the shit, and copious amounts of drugs.

I don't care about any of that though, no, not at all, which you may be extremely shocked to hear, the only thing I cared about was, what were you doing for spring break?

Were you going to any parties? Were you meeting any friends, old or new? Were you planning to show yourself off in a tiny bikini, not that I'm complaining, but I'd rather see you like that alone, without other men's wondering eyes glaring at you as if you're a piece of meat. I can promise you y/n, that would not end well for anyone involved.

I had texted you this morning, like we do every morning. We fucked but after that it felt like we drifted apart. Or rather, you drifted from me. So here I sit, in my bathroom, cock in hand with my face buried in your used panties that I'd stolen from a while back, I assumed you didn't miss them much, and anyway, they were currently in use.

I'd give anything for another taste, your lips were soft, plumped, and oh so red from how aggressive I can be, your h/c cascaded perfectly down your back, and your breasts.

"Fuck." I knew thinking about you like this would make me cum faster, and that's exactly what I wanted, for reasons you'll find out soon enough.

Your pierced nipples and how perfectly shaped they were, your ass was round and perfect for slapping when you needed taught a lesson. Your hips were perfect for gripping, and oh how I'd grip your hips and fuck myself deeper and deeper and shit.

And just like that, here I am, hand covered in my own jizz, cock twitching between my legs and your panties still in my hand.

I have a box, I keep it under lock and key behind my wardrobe, just some little souvenirs, your panties, some nude Polaroids I'd found of you in your bedroom. Oh yeah, and one of Clyde's teeth. Just to remember him by.

You see, although we weren't dating, that didn't mean that you weren't in need of protection, you see, I'd overheard Clyde chatting to Jimmy about how he was thinking of asking you on a date. Now, I've known Clyde for a long time, he uses women like they're nothing, fucks 'em, leaves 'em.

What did you expect me to do? I mean, I did this for you! He was going to take advantage of your kindness and use you for his own sexual gratification and desires and then throw you away like you're worthless, and you are far from worthless. I'd kiss your feet as you walked the earth if you'd let me, oh how I'd worship you, like you deserve to be.

It wasn't too hard to kill Clyde, you see, when you've been known as a fuck boy before, which I unfortunately have been, other fuck boys, they tend to trust you more. So Clyde was pretty easy to reel in. I told him the truth, how I was working on an English project with you and I fucked you in your bedroom, and Clyde was all over that shit like a dog on heat. He was so focussed on what he was planning to text to you, obviously with my keen eye proof reading it for him, he was too distracted to notice me coming behind him with a brick. He only realised just as it was too late, sorry dude, your skull's caved in.

We needn't worry about the details of where his body is, let's just say... I've taken care of it. And tonight was our date, and also the first night of spring break, I would ask you what you were up to, and of course I wouldn't demand to come, unless you chose to invite me, no, I would just hang out in background, you won't even notice that I'm there. And I dare anyone to try anything, they would be dead men walking.

It didn't take long for the time of our date to roll around, and I stood on your doorstep, politely knocking on your door a few times, before smiling as the door cracked open.

You were breathtaking. I'd worked my ass off at City Wok to be able to afford to take you out to dinner, and my god, no food could ever look as delicious as you looked right now. Your tits, your hips, your ass, your legs, your hair, your face, everything! We were destined to be together, and when you smiled back at me I swore my heart swole in my chest.

"Hey, Kenny. You ready to go?" You asked, pulling your leather jacket on over your short, black dress that was showing off way too much cleavage for me to control myself for the entire evening, god I'd take you right here right now if I could.

"I was born ready, baby. I got these for you." I replied, bowing to you and holding out a small bouquet of flowers, your hand clutching your chest, and a gasp leaving your red stained lips.

"They're beautiful, Ken! Oh you shouldn't have! I'll just go get these into a vase, please come in." You spoke like an angel, and who was I to say no to an invitation into your home?

"I wanted to. I really do mean what I said last time, I've had my eye on you from you moved here, y/n, and you're different than those other girls, you're special, I can tell." You cheeks were flushed which meant that my charm was working. You'd be mine soon, and as much as I wanted to show you off to the world, I also wanted to hide you from it, so no one would dare to try and steal what's rightfully mine, or they'd end up like Clyde. Buried in the middle of fuck knows where.

"Had your eye on me? Not a little stalker are you, McCormick?" You joked, and I hoped it was a joke, you were laughing and so was I, so that was a good sign.

"Not at all! I mean, how could my eyes not go to you when you walk past me? I mean, look at you!" And slinging my arms round your hips would surely make you see that I was nothing but a pure gentleman.

"You're such a flirt, Kenny." God the way you looked at me, it was no surprise that to me that you'd stolen my heart, god the things I would do to you, the things I would do for you, oh they were criminal, but in this moment as I stood staring into your perfect e/c eyes, I couldn't care if my crimes caught up with me, I mean, getting away with it would be easy, trust me, I'm not that stupid.

Around two hours had passed and so far, our date seemed to be going perfectly, you were laughing at my jokes, I flirted, and you flirted right back, you'd told me about a huge spring break party at Tolken's house, you'd asked me to be your plus one, of course I'd gratefully accept, I needed to keep you safe, you even took my hand within your own when we were leaving the restaurant, my plan was working a charm, and you'd invited me in to your house for a quick night cap, no doubt I'd be staying the night.

And when you led me to your bedroom wearing nothing but some skimpy lingerie, I knew that your panties that were in my safe would be getting a much needed night off from being pressed against my face.

You were on top of me, grinding on me, fuck you were so needy, and my cock was growing by the second, I couldn't help but groan and pull your hips down against my own.

I'd swapped the positions, and now you lay beneath me, I'd left dozens of hickeys all over your neck, your breasts, your stomach, thighs, and now I was going to taste your sweet cunt again, god I couldn't wait, it had been too long from I'd tasted you, had my tongue inside you, claiming your insides, god I was starved, and I couldn't wait any longer, and just as I pressed a closed mouth kiss against your parted lips, your fucking phone rang.

"Ignore it. Don't answer." I ordered, my tongue lapping up your wetness, a moan coming from your lips as your phone started ringing again, and of course, being the kind person that you are, you answered.

And this couldn't have been a worse time, your face was worried, and you moved my head from where I wanted desperately to be for the past week, it was your mother.

Drug overdose, she was in hospital and you had to be there to take care of her, not that she ever did the same for you. No, you'd told me previously that our lives were similar in a lot of ways, and that's where my need to protect you came from. You were like a delicate flower awaiting to bloom, but others put you in the dark, stopped you ever from doing so, from ever reaching your full potential, but I was here now. I was going to care for you, I'd put you in the sun and give you all the love and support I could, the perfect partner, a soul mate some may say.

And as you hurried to pull your sweatpants and T-shirt on to your small frame, tears welling in the corners of your eyes, you gave me a hug, whispering sweet apologies, and I offered to come with you, which you declined. And I understood why, I hated people meeting my parents, seeing my sorry excuse of a home, fitted with built in meth lab in the garden. You were embarrassed, ashamed of your drug addict mother, and I felt that pain, I knew it personally. I was strong enough to deal with it, but you darling, you're too fragile, far too good to be feeling that way, and by god would I protect you from anything.

I'm so sorry to say this baby, your mother will never get clean, she's never been clean your entire life, it truly is a miracle that she's lasted this long. I'd be doing you and everyone else a favour. You'd told me this wasn't the first overdose she'd had, and every one made you feel the same way, like you were the parent, like you were at fault, you didn't keep an attentive enough eye on her, the pain you were feeling was soul destroying, not just for you, but for me too! How dare that woman who brought you into this world make you feel so awful, how dare she cause you pain and misery, if she died it would mean she couldn't cause any more of that, sure you'd be sad, but you'd realise in time that life was better without having to worry every time you left the house if you would come back to your mother, her skin blue and covered in her own vomit, which she choked on in her drug idled state.

And I would care for you, I'd be your shoulder to cry on, your support network, your lover and your boyfriend all tied into one, the whole package, you'd fall straight into my lap and I swear, I'd never ever let you go.

I'm sorry hunny, but your mother needs to be dealt with, and it would be easier than you'd think, one bad batch could wipe out hundreds of drug addicts, and besides, it's not as if I'd never used this method before. My parents died of an 'overdose', well, at least that's what the coroner's report said on the matter, Karen was put into my care, and the home was given to us, and life had been so much happier from I did my whole family a favour and took them out of the equation, and I know you will feel the same, in time at least.

As I drove you to the hospital you told me about your childhood. How you'd been in foster care, then your mother cleaned her act up and for a long time she was stable and in recovery, till she met some douchebag when you were ten, and she was back to using again, and your life had never been the same since.

When we pulled up outside the hospital, you hugged me tightly and kissed me twice, telling me that you'd text me later, and thanking me for the lovely evening, I assured you that this was to be the first of many of these delightful evenings, and even in the deepest depths of your pain, you still smiled at me.

I watched you till your figure disappeared inside the hospital, and I knew there and then what had to be done. I'm sorry baby, but your mother isn't good for you, she's not good for you, not good for us!

She had to go, and I had to be the one to kill her.

[cassandraevans]

Some other grievances I've had with the 911 show. I just wanna get these out and be done with it. I wanna just sit back and love the characters without caring about the writer's choices but alas. Hopefully this will be all of my rants about this show and I'll be able to post only what I love about it from here on.

I know I've been very critical of Eddie so far and angrily so. But as much as I'm criticising him for being a very bad and careless romantic partner, i really really hope that when it comes time for him to get together with Buck, he will have learned from all his mistakes and matured and learned about his shortcomings and where they stem from and I hope he'd have worked on himself enough to not put Buck through any of the bullshit he put every one of his romantic partners through. Buck doesn't deserve that.

While I absolutely love Buck, I also have a problem with how he just kissed Lucy while being in a relationship with Taylor where everything was finally looking good, I knew from the moment Lucy was introduced and the way Buck looked at her, and the writers make him cheat on Taylor and ask her to move in as a way to deflect from that. Yes he tells her later, yes she forgives him and I was hoping they would last a little longer but no, the writers just kept her around long enough to make her do something bad to break them up, so then it wouldn't be his fault.

It's like the writers don't think cheating is that bad at all, you cheat? No worries, all forgiven, your partners love you too much to leave you over that. The question is, do the ones that cheat love their partners the same? Because when Hen cheated on Karen I was so pissed, like the lady did not deserve that, I'm glad they didn't break apart over it but still it was not a simple mistake. And then Buck cheated on Taylor and then the writers made her use a private conversation for a news story and stab Buck in the back. Like if they were going to break them up they should've done so when he cheated or let them remain together, I hate it that the writers made Taylor forgive Buck for CHEATING but Buck breaks with her over the first mistake she made in the relationship, I'm not defending Taylor's choices and I was angry at her for it, she could've gotten Buck in so much trouble which he didn't deserve but I hate it that she made one wrong choice and the relationship is over while Buck cheated and he was fine. I hate the writers for trying to dismiss cheating as no big deal.

I was also mad at Hen being all pissy when Karen was grieving the loss of her embryos and Hen had to feed Denny, and do some other things around the house that Karen usually does, I get it, Hen comes home late from her draining shift and it hurts to see that nothing's done but the that's the least you can do for your wife, not to mention one who left her opportunity to become an astronaut to raise a child with you as a family, when she's grieving the loss of your potential children, but Hen keeps complaining and gets mad at Karen for grieving instead of performing her motherly duties, like I feel like the writers of this show have a problem with women taking some time to themselves, whether it be to grieve, or go take care of your dying mother and then grieve, or having postpartum depression, the women are the villain for wanting, no, needing a break, mostly because of things they had no control over, if they deviate from their motherly/spousal duties because of any tragedy, they're not the victim but their partners are, [(I know chim tried his best and didn't deserve to suffer, but neither did Maddie. Chim's storyline after Maddie left literally made me bawl and I'm so glad they're back together, they need each other, I wish they never broke up) so I'm mostly talking about Eddie and Hen here.]

The writers just had to make it all about Hen, when Karen was grieving and staying in bed, all Hen did was complain about HAVING to do the things Karen usually does, Hen looked at it all like an inconvenience. The writers then made Hen accidentally kill that cello girl and justifiably Hen was wrecked with guilt and fear and didn't know how to handle it, can't blame Hen at all for the way she took it but I can blame the writers. Karen put aside all her heartbreak abd grief from her lost embryos and stood by Hen throughout, and I love her for it, Hen deserved Karen to be by her side at such a time, but just before that incident when Karen needed Hen to stand by her and support her emotionally, all Hen did was be impatient and basically tell Karen to wrap it up. The writers made a new emergency tragedy to make it about Hen and tossed aside Karen's grief and made her never talk about it again like it never happened. I hate the writers for that.

Again as a note, these are my opinions about the show, you're free to have your own opinions. I'm just trying to vent out my frustrations with the show on my blog. Don't come at me with your angry anonymous asks and justifications because at the end of the day it's a fictional show. I haven't spoken about what I love on this show yet that doesn't mean i hate it, I'm frustrated by some of the characters' choices because I love them. Viewers will have vastly different opinions about it, to each their own.

Do recommend similar shows to watch while we all wait for new episodes. Lone star is on my watchlist next.

[sonnet009games]

As usual, every time you answer asks I have new things popping up in my mind...

About this one:

I think that ask is pretty interesting since it sort of showcases different perspectives on the situation. Depending on the detective, it may be the opposite - which I consider to be the case on my playthrough - with Flea literally bringing life to mine. So in a sense, in this case, he's the very opposite of ruin; he's literally salvation. It breaks my heart that he can't see it, despite noticing the signs of it. That short offhand comment from him in the morning at the end, when he mentions how my detective's apartment is even more empty than usual and my detective thinking it's no surprise since that last month he's barely been living is the prime example. But even then, it could be interpreted both ways as one could argue that the detective wouldn't have been brought to such a low without having met Flea first. But that of course is purely perspective - because when you find something (or in this case someone) who literally heals you and you "interrupt the treatment" suddenly, of course you'll plunge deeper until you resume.

Also that thing you answered in my previous ask:

Again this makes me want to cry. But also, sort of related to the previous point? It's such a matter of perspectives, and I like that your writing allows for a lot of room for different headcanons when it comes to the detective's thoughts and general mindset. Now that I think of it, you sort of manage that middle point between offering the player deep customization of their character and yet having the MC as "semi-set" in the sense that they don't feel at all like a blank slate. Usually, I really don't like the "middle ground" MCs in IF, because it always feels like the author gives a lot of freedom to shape the MC, only to take it back at some crucial point and alienate the reader. But you somehow manage to make it perfect with clever writing, as you leave a lot to headcanon and write the detective's words and actions in ways that could be interpreted in numerous ways, and it works so well! For example, in my case, I imagine my detective being so relieved and happy to see Flea again that if it wasn't "using him when he was at a low" he just wouldn't have cared. That's also why I picked the kiss option right after the fight. With the blood + adrenaline running high after the battle, it was a lapse in self-control - he just did what he wanted to do from the start after finding him. On the other hand, I didn't pick trying to kiss or undress Flea once back in the appartment, since that sliver of self-control was back and with it, the usual respect for Flea and not doing stuff out of a sudden like that. Honestly, even without the blood problem, if it had been an option, I may have picked the kiss anyway after the fight.

It's definitely a matter of perspective, yeah! For Flea, I'd imagine he flips back and forth between feeling ruined and feeling saved, like, every other minute. It makes sense that the detective could go either way, too.

And I'm so glad you noticed and approve of the vagueness of the detective when you're not directly picking their responses. I'm sure I don't always nail it, but I'm trying to give you as much freedom as possible to interpret your character's individual feelings and style while still funnelling you through the plot.

[pomplalamoose]

If you are ever down I would love your take on a Luke with a ND partner, maybe one who isn't expressive or picks up on social cues. says what ever comes to mind. Takes things a little too literally, is blunt in conversations. Like someone who struggles with their tone so people think they're bored or mean when they really have constantly racing thoughts and new ideas and are always open to new relationships.

I'm pretty sure it has never taken me this long to answer an ask before, but I wanted to make sure I'd put the same time and effort into yours as I did with every other one so far. Sadly I never seemed to get the free time to do so until now, so I REALLY want to thank you for your patience, anon, and hope you're happy with the result🩵

Please note though that for requests like these I'm only able to draw from my own experiences which possibly differ from those of others.

Accordingly nothing I said about "you" is meant to impose any kind of insinuations about behavioral patterns on those reading this, nor is it my intention to criticize or sound harsh in any way.

It goes without saying that Luke, as a friend as well as a partner, couldn't be any more wonderful to be around and I believe that especially for someone on the neurodivergent spectrum it's basically a dream come true to date him.

(Apart from that he's definitely that one friend who listens to you when you think nobody else does and waits for you when you need to stop to tie your shoe laces.)

He's empathetic and sensitive to the emotions of those surrounding him and thus would never make you feel like you don't belong, are weird for acting a certain way, or like you'd be better off pretending to be something you're not to "fit in".

And while Luke's connection to the Force certainly adds a lot to the fact that he has no trouble reading you, he would manage to just as well without it.

Still there's no denying how useful his abilities could prove themselves to be in a relationship, especially should his partner struggle with expressing themselves.

I won't go into much more detail though, because many of the things I already talked about in my other posts regarding his understanding and supportive character can be applied here as well.

(e.g. Master Luke Skywalker headcanons, Luke with a partner on their period, Luke x a reader with mental health issues, breaking down in front of Luke)

However I think it'd be really interesting to take a look at his initial reaction to getting to know a neurodivergent person with the behavioral features you described since I believe they differ depending on which Luke era we're talking about.

• ANH Luke wouldn't even bat an eye

• on Tatooine everyone has to put up a rough exterior in order to protect oneself

• it's not a place of friendly conversations and common niceties; people know they're better off minding their business and staying on their own

• you're very blunt and speak your mind?

• you seem unfazed, even bored during most encounters?

• good for you, it's not easy to navigate this corner of the galaxy and much safer to hold others at a distance

• growing up Luke came across a wild array of all kinds of beings too, one more interesting (and really scary) than the other

• he's not put off, instead even used to supposed unfriendliness

• also he doesn't know anything about where you're from and your people, maybe that's just the way they are and how you were raised?

• he probably thinks you're very cool too

• because surely you have seen a lot? Been on great adventures across the galaxy?

• he really wants to do the same

• if you come across as mean without meaning to it's not a big deal, it only makes him want to spend even more time with you

• ("if mean, then why friend-shaped??")

• most importantly ANH Luke judges a person more by their actions than their words, so there is absolutely no need to worry about how he may perceive you

• it's safe to say you're not getting rid of him as it's nearly impossible to shake him off once he decides he wants to be someone's friend

• he's more than delighted once you get to know each other better and it turns out his intuition was right!

• ESB Luke, on the other hand, may be a bit slower to come around

• not necessarily because he dislikes you but because he doesn't have the time nor the patience to put effort into really getting to know you

• people talk and so he probably heard a thing or two that has him eyeing you curiously

• most likely he won't pay you much mind as he's gone most of the time anyways

• generally speaking though, I think you'd get along pretty well, Luke is a friendly and open minded person after all and would surely grow fond of your quirks before even knowing about their source

• still there's a possibility of the two of you butting heads should it come to an actual meeting

• nothing really severe, of course, but still I can see Luke growing easily frustrated at, for example, your lack of expression, or at your questions when you don't quite get something and want to make sure you understood everything correctly

• and while he's not going to show it or tell you outright that he thinks you're a bit annoying, he's not that good at surpressing dramatic sighs or a roll of his eyes

• HOWEVER if you catch him off guard with blunt words said in a tone that could come across as mean it could definitely get a rise out of him

• after all we get to see that he has developed a certain attitude; he's snippy, quick to talk and slightly judgemental

• (mainly towards Han and Yoda but I can see him acting this way quite often because of all that he's being put through)

• I'm sure that under different circumstances Luke wouldn't react as strongly but with how things are during ESB he might hurt your feelings without meaning to

• once the dust settles and he has a quiet moment to himself he'll feel awful though and most likely seek you out to make amends

• naturally RotJ Luke is a different story altogether

• (the character development this man went trough is absolutely crazy, and I'm amazed every time I do comparisons like these)

• before even taking to you for the first time he'd regard you with a warmth and patience you seldom get to experience

• he quietly smiles to himself when he overhears you having a conversation in that special way of yours or when he senses something sparking an idea

• he appreciates your bluntness

• maybe at first you'd think he's laughing at you but don't worry, he just thinks you're cute

• he feels you in the Force, senses your excitement, your curiosity

• it draws him in

• he is able to see you as a whole, not just what you present on the outside, and so isn't deterred by what others would view as a potential attack or criticism

• (take notes ESB Luke)

• once you've grown closer he's always there to point out social clues you might have missed and/or walks you through certain situations to explain how your behavior might have looked to others when it's something you're worried about

• often he knows what you're going to say before you do and, if that's what you want, gives you a sign you agreed upon, letting you know if maybe it'd bet better for you to be silent instead

• (he absolutely explains dumb sexual jokes to you when you don't get them and I don't care how self indulgent this is, I could really use someone to do that for me, thank you very much)

[part2of3]

I'm in a mood. So this might be a rambling mess.

I haven't heard much from a friend of mine over the past month or so. Getting a little annoyed by it. But I'm also wondering if I'm the problem. Or maybe I'm being gaslit? Or maybe there is no problem and I'm just overthinking it.

This person used to call me every single day. Typically multiple times a day. For years and years and years. And in every so often there would be bouts where they just weren't calling me. Couple weeks at a time or so. I'm going from multiple calls a day to nothing always felt weird. And every time they would act like it was no big deal and there was no reason for it and I'm just being annoying.

I remember one string one of those bouts where I sent three text messages and left two voicemails, and when they finally spoke to me 2 and 1/2 weeks later they said I was being annoying for blowing up their phone.

But then the pandemic happened and the calls became less and less. Which was fine. Typically they would call me while they were out and about and driving around. Not really so much in the mood to talk while they're just chilling in their apartments watching Netflix and looking at Instagram or whatever. So I get it. When the pandemic happened they were working from home, weren't going out as much, less of an opportunity to call. But there were still text messages and Snapchat messages so it wasn't a big deal. But then it just kind of stayed that way. And the the calls feel like they were less and less. What's worse is when she did call me it often feels like there's some kind of disconnect now. Like when I try to ask questions, when I try to be engaging, when I try to connect and show an interest in her life, she seems annoyed that I'm asking her questions. And then she tells me things with absolutely no context and gets annoyed when I'm asking what's going on. Like recently took a random trip to Florida, text me from the airport, and told me not to ask anything. That's weird. It's weird to be so cryptic. Later I found out, or mostly just assumed from bits and pieces of conversations, she met some random dude on the internet and one of the meet up with him. That's fine. Whatever. But she used to talk to me about stuff like this. Used to be on the phone with me while she was swiping through those apps, or on the phone with me while she was driving to a date, used to call me afterwards and tell me how it went. And now to get on a plane and travel to a different state and not even tell me? Yeah of course everyone's entitled to their privacy but it's weird to have someone tell you everything and then all of a sudden barely communicate with you.

I sent a message the other day saying something like "hey, I haven't heard from you in a bit I hope you're doing okay ❤️"

And she answered back with something like "hey! thanks for reaching out! I'm doing fine. Just taking a break from things."

The exclamation points are out of character for her. It's something about the message felt like it was a copy and paste form letter. And taking a break from what? I used to be the person she would call to tell me about the things that she was taking breaks from. I used to be the one that she was turning to for comfort and support when she was stressed out. It just feels weird.

So responded to that saying something like "thanks for responding, of course, take your time, I'm here if you need me. It's just always feels weird when we don't talk everyday, and I've been trying really hard not to annoy you by sending you messages sooner lol"

She tells me it's not annoying when I contact her please stop saying that.

I just apologized and moved on. She said she'll call me in a couple of days probably. And I left it at that.

But, she's literally called me annoying for it before. Like I said earlier in this post, accuse me of blowing up her phone for leaving a couple of messages over span of 2 and 1/2 weeks. For as long as I've known her she's always been the one to call me first because she's always made it clear she was annoyed if I contacted her.

But maybe from her perspective she's going through some shit and I was the jerk who wasn't reaching out sooner? Maybe she thinks I'm the problem because I wasn't trying hard enough. Maybe because she's always the one to call me first she thinks she's the one that's always doing all the work in the friendship.

But I've always only been following her lead. And it's weird that after knowing someone for 14 years I'm still constantly questioning whether or not she actually likes me. I'm realizing more and more that she's never been the person I can turn to for comfort or support. There are times when I try to talk to her about the things that I'm going through or the things that stress me out and she has literally said she didn't want to hear it.

And that Florida trip really helped me to realize that in all the years I've known her she's never come to see me. It's been a long distance friendship. And I have traveled to her four times now. And then there were four different times where she came to the East Coast for work, and I was lucky enough to take time off my job so I can hang out with her then. But she's never made a trip just for me. just to see me. Yeah, okay, my life is a mess. I can't have someone staying in my house with the other people I live with. I can't afford to get a hotel for her. So I get it. But then she's traveled for other people and spent her own money for airbnbs and hotels and stuff for random ass nobodies. She's made the effort for other people. But in 14 years is never made the effort for me. It stings.

It's so weird that we can talk so often and everything seems mostly fine. As long as I know my place and I don't overreach and I don't overshare and I don't expect anything. But then as soon as I don't hear from her for a couple of days, my head starts spinning and I start overthinking the entire friendship.

Whereas there's other people in my life that I can go weeks or months and months without speaking to, but when we finally talk everything just clicks like nothing's changed.

I shouldn't get so much anxiety trying to talk to a friend of mine that I've known for so long.

Over the past few years maybe I've been getting better at not blaming myself. Every time I'd go through a phase like this I feel like I was doing something wrong or I must have upset her in some way. I'm getting better at understanding that it's not entirely me. Some people are just bad at communicating and bad at connecting.

And I know I've posted about the same exact thing with the same exact person a few times in the past. I wish I was better and more organized about my Tumblr tags so that I can find it again and compare.

[problematicfactive]

wow that's fucking disturbing, hope you're taking care of yourself today as a treat after that /g

Thank you!

Host is going over his lines but the stress is making us tic :(

It's a pretty common occurrence but it still gets me pretty badly every time.

On the note, I want to talk about manipulative source hate,

This came in immediately after I was banned.

Actually, let me clarify.

This person said this in MY own discord after I was banned from revenge.

I'd like to break it apart and explain why this kind of behavior isn't okay. You think you're being genuine, you're actually being an asshole.

"I kind of understand where they're coming from"

It is okay to have your own opinions, however, this person did nothing but make assumptions on how I live my life and my connection to source. They understand the other side because they were willing to hear out that sides "reasoning" for banning me (which can be seen in my last post) but they weren't willing to hear out how I live my own life. I have said it before and I always will say that hatred for problematic factives comes from ignorance on the subject. The idea we can just "get help" when in reality, this is the way our brain manifests "help." I am the help.

Also. That one person said "kys" -- this person is1 they understand where someone who wants me to commit suicide literally just because I exist "is coming from"

It IS okay to have your own opinions. But when a person is talking about how they got banned for being alive, maybe don't speak on your negative opinions of them in the moment. If you really want them to know how you feel, maybe give them time to calm down just a little? Dm them later and ask if it's okay to ask questions

This blog is primarily to educate. If you have any form of questions feel free to ask. If someone is asking you questions you feel I can answer, feel free to direct them to me.

"I don't want to see your icon, it makes me uncomfortable."

Being made uncomfortable by something is totally valid. Watching people eat makes me super uncomfortable. I'm not going to go to people who make eating content and try to manipulate them into feeling bad for EATING. Yesterday I had a different icon. It was the guy who played me but out of character. I hated it. It made ME uncomfortable and I felt like I was lying to myself. Deciding to change it to something that felt right was hard for me, but it was the decision I made. It means a lot to me and nothing to others. Just don't talk in the channels (need I remind, in MY server) where I'm talking? We have so many channels so you can avoid people that make you uncomfortable, its in the rules.

This person is focused on letting me know about their feelings, but they not once stopped to ask me about mine. That leads me into the next bit

"I know you deal with a lot of hate, but it isn't about you."

This is want I call "fake sympathy" "I know you deal with hate" is this person's way of pretending to have cared for my feelings and to justify only worrying about their own feelings throughout all of this. They don't mention how receiving this daily hate must hurt me or even how hard that must be on my health, they say "It isn't about you" (and give no further indication to whom this is about because at the end of the day, this is, in fact, about me. I'm the one who goes to bed every night hated by the internet and wakes up hated by the internet. I'm the one who can't be accepted in public places, I'm the one who people genuinely want to kill themself because of who I was sourced from. That's about me.) its simultaneously the most manipulative excuse I have EVER seen, and the poorest attempt at manipulation I've ever seen. "This isn't about you" because they are making it all about them. Again, literally just because I am alive.

"You need to show you aren't your source. Change your icon or your name."

First off, telling me what to do without me asking for anything of the sort. I've done both of these things. For a period of time, my display name was that of a creepypasta, and as I had already told that person, I also go by anxiety. Having my sourcename is not illegal, but when I didn't, I was still recognized and banned from servers in situations literally just like this one. Changing my name is doing nothing but lying to myself about my identity. Even though I am very very not connected to source, my name and appearance are the most important parts of myself to me. I've already spoken on my icon.

"Ill go. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable but this is how I personally feel"

1) the only thing you did throught all that message was make me beyond uncomfortable. You saved NO ONE the discomfort because nit only did I have to read that, the other people in the server did too

2) Why should I be expected to give half a fuck about how you feel if all you were gonna do is brush my off and side with people would literally want me to kill myself?

3) if you were gonna go, you should haveleft. Staying and giving this attention seeking speech is doing nothing but trying ti manipulate me into feeling bad for existing and making you feel uncomfortable in my server. You could have just left. You could have tried to understand things better, you could have said you were uncomfortable and left. You gave a whole shpill about how my existence makes you uncomfortable trying to get people to feel bad for you because the only thing you can do when you see me is judge me based on my source.

That is manipulative source hate.

Thank you for coming to my blog and also for being here for me.

Being able to throughly analyze this and warn others on it honestly and genuinely made me feel better

[conceptalbon]

drop the all hunger all restraint and poised bones annotated playlist bestie

i wanted to actually link the full spotify playlist here but i don't want to doxx myself and remaking it would take ten thousand years SO i'm going to add my comments here and link it later cool cool

1. i'm a fool to want you by billie holiday

this aligns with soulbond!george so perfectly in my head. his perspective on the whole relationship is that it's doomed from the start; he knows alex is not in love with him since before they share their first kiss, he knows this relationship will end before it even starts.

he promises himself he will end it on multiple occasions and yet he can't bring himself to do it. he wants to minimize the heartbreak of losing alex by breaking it off on his own terms but every time the possibility of it becomes real (especially during the infamous George Bakery Breakdown or, as we in the business call it, the gbb) he falls apart.

'i'm a fool to want you // pity me, i need you // i know it's wrong, it can't be right // but right or wrong i can't get along without you'

like come onnnnn it was ghostwritten by sb!george

2. wish on an eyelash by mallrat

i found this when i was nearing the end of the writing process already and went insane over how well it works with sb!au. literally almost every line is about them my god. but especially 'made a wish on my birthday // talk about you to heaven // i plan my days all around ya // planets orbit around ya'. it's so short but it talks about yearning and devotion in such a specific and hard-hitting way

it also works very well with a certain space au. 'i was lost till i found ya'? yeah.

3. futile devices by sufjan stevens (original version)

ah yes the song about how words fail when your feelings are too strong. in a story about characters whose feelings are so strong they literally develop a telepathic bond because they can't use their words. i am SORRY okay i love sufjan so so so much and age of adz is an incredible album and this song specifically creates a mood like no other does. this might be at the top of my spotify wrapped this year with how much i've listened to it and i adore the word choices in it and i am insane over it forever and always.

4. the bug collector by haley heyndericks

everything i write i write to spread our 'alex cares so much' agenda. i've done a tiny bit of director's commentary about him in the ao3 comments already but i will literally talk about him for hours if anyone will listen. the thing with alex in this fic is that he has never wanted anything without reaching for it with both hands. that's his modus operandi, which george correctly identifies (and incorrectly decides that alex not fighting for him means alex does not want him). BUT alex believes that he came on too strong when it was unwanted, thinks he has hurt george by displaying affection so directly and so he tries to tone down how intense he is as not to scare or hurt him further. still, he can't just Stop Loving him and defaults to acts of care that can be interpreted as more platonic (not really but that's what he thinks). he makes george avocado toast when he can't sleep, he skips his own debrief because he feels george's fear, he kisses his temple telepathically (god) when george is having a breakdown in the bathroom. he cares so much. in the words of haley heyndericks he must make him the perfect morning. he doesn't know how to do it any other way!

note also: alex saying 'you can be angry at the way i've expressed it but not at the feeling itself, george. i know you're not cruel enough for that' which is so important to me and which i can write an essay about because outward expressions of inner processes are The main theme of this fic and i have thought about this so much while writing. good god.

honorable mentions: flight risk by tommy lefroy (thee doomed from the start anthem! 'i wanted to be something you couldn't put down but i'm already gone' pleaseeeee), waltz right in by matt maeson (the second most listened to song in this whole playlist after futile devices, i'm so so so insane about it), gregory alan isakov's whole discography (very very galex coded!! gregory what a legend you are)

[thecloudstan]

I’ll be honest, I never got why people got so angry over the ending for remake, and the same thing seems to be getting repeated for rebirth. I personally thought it was interesting for both, but again I thought maybe I only think that because I don’t have the same emotional attachment as the old fans do. To me having the directors go in a different direction from the original is better because it provides a story different from the original so I won’t know everything that happens. Everyone complains about the time shenanigans, but I don’t really get why? It’s a lot more interesting than a frame by frame remaster, and I would’ve thought that even old fans would agree because they would want a fresh take.

Again, I didn’t play the original, but from what I know and have seen of it it wasn’t perfect. It didn’t have as much complexity as the newer one does, I feel. For example, Sephiroth- while he was more mysterious and appeared less- also didn’t feel human. He didn’t feel like a hero. He was just this guy you spent maybe half an hour with who was super strong, then he goes crazy and you don’t feel like you gained much insight into who he was before the insanity. In Rebirth, he felt painfully human. His little smiles, him not liking his picture being taken but still doing it because of Cloud, Tifa, and the villagers, the look of pure hurt and agony when he couldn’t save a nameless trooper… it just made it that much worse when you find him in the library, his voice trembling then eventually breaking off into sobs… then in the reactor when you can see four different emotions cross his face before he reveals Jenova…

I’m by no means an emotional person and don’t tend to get emotional over video games, but that whole thing with Sephiroth nearly made me tear up (the only other instance of that happening was getting the bad ending in Witcher 3 when Ciri dies) and literally every other time Sephiroth showed up I just had to pause and sigh, because the change from the damaged but fundamentally good person he was into this mad man hurt so much worse. Hell I didn’t even feel this attached to him in Reunion/Crisis Core and that’s when his character was supposed to be peak human. I mean I still empathized with him, don’t get me wrong, but not to this degree.

And- getting back on track (sorry I have too many feelings about this poor man)- Shinra and all the people in it also feel so much more fleshed out and complex. President Shinra’s cruelty and ruthlessness is highlighted better in remake, Hojo is peak crazy but now you can fully appreciate his insanity, Rufus- well, I think we’ve talked enough about him, but he is infinitely more interesting and complex for a multitude of reasons- and even down to the normal people in the company. The troopers were adorable and showed the everyday folk are who work for Shinra, and how they’re also just people. That whole thing where you have to collect all the troops for the parade and you see their relationships with each other then later have to protect your own squad when you’re fighting to get to the ship, and even the Turks and what they’re doing when they’re not on duty (Rude in the bald club, Elena practically crying into her drink at the bar feeling like a disappointment, etc.) Everything just felt so real. So it kind of annoys me when people start picking the game apart and constantly repeating the mantra that the original was better. It really feels like some of them let nostalgia cloud their perception.

I understand but can't go far enough to criticize the original for these things. It's easy to talk shit about it in the year 2024, and I don't mean you specifically, I mean this generally.

This is a nearly 30 year old game on a console capable of a fraction what the PS5 is. Even with the truncated narratives, it achieved what it did across a sprawling three discs. The devs have said that a lot had to remain on the cutting room floor for time and budget reasons, for system limitations, and I'm sure they would've told these stories more exhaustively had they the ability. FF7 original is a Playstation one game. It's a singular gaming experience. The Remake series is going to take about a decade from start to finish. I don't like to compare them because...it's quite frankly unfair. I adored the original and think it's perfect how it is-a product of its time. I am okay with that. I never wanted a one-to-one remake because FF7 was visionary for its time and remake should at least ATTEMPT to have the same impact. And even speaking on what you pointed out as flaws, they may seem thin by comparison, but those little polygons gave rise to everything we see in Remake/Rebirth. They've informed these fully fleshed out versions of these characters that we get to enjoy now. Not only Sephiroth being able to be more humanized. It's really the glint in his eyes, the realness of his (and others') facial expressions that's different. Or rather, that's ADDED. They didn't even accomplish this as well in Advent Children or Crisis Core (TOTALLY agree with you on that, 100%). But his manner of speaking, his moments of laughter, his teasing...that's all lifted directly from the original. If the Remake series failed to build on what was in the original, THAT is when I'd have many angry notes. The benefit of hindsight shouldn't be wasted. They also added Myrna in Barret's trial, background on how Red came to be in Hojo's possession in the first place, and LITERALLY ALL OF THE GONGAGA INCIDENT. None of these things were in the original game, but it's not a notch against the original game, in my opinion. The game's popularity gave rise to sequels and a desire by fans to know infinitely more about the characters and their world.

I am having a blast with the Remake content and have no real tangible complaints. Nothing really worth waxing poetic about, at least. I just wish everyone on both sides would learn to relax...old fans are kinda cut from one of two cloths. They've been the ones gunning for a remake but also the ones complaining a lot about it. This is a game that literally could not please everyone. I've been defending FF7 for almost 30 years. If people are mad, they can stay that way. I'm exhausted of the conversation and just trying to have fun. Every complaint anyone could ever have about FF7 I've already heard. I've heard it forever and ever ad nauseum for god knows how long. I cannot be shocked. I just kinda shrug and am like...girl go play something else then 😂 leave us alone!

[takerfoxx]

The Owl House, Season 3, Episode 2, "For the Future," First Impressions!

I knew this was gonna be big.

I knew this was gonna be emotional.

I did not know it was going to hit me like it did, or for the reason that it did.

I wasn't expecting this episode to speak to me personally the way it did, I really wasn't. I was gearing up to see what the Collector had done to the Boiling Isles; to be reunited with Eda, King, Lilith, Hooty, and the rest; to finally see Luz's palisman, to see what Belos was going to do, and all that other stuff that we've been speculating for months about.

Instead, this episode hit me in a way that I haven't experienced very often. It spoke to my own experiences.

I'll cover the lesser (but still very important) moment first, and surprisingly it came from Willow.

Now, I haven't talked much about Willow. She's fine! She's an important part of the cast! But let's face it: for character discussion, she just kept getting overshadowed by the absolute angst factories that are literally every single other main character. Even Gus had more going on in that department!

But like everyone else, it seems that I've been taking her for granted. It really does suck to be the reliable one, to be the one expected to carry the team, to be the one to set your own problems aside for the sake of other people. I've been there, many times. And honestly, like Willow, I'm kind of nearing a break down of my own. You really do start to feel like you don't matter, that your own hurt is unimportant, but if you don't take it on the chin and keep truckin', everything will fall apart and it'll be all your fault.

So yeah, I'm glad that they gave her that moment. Maybe it got tied up a little too neatly and could have stood to have been foreshadowed a little more in previous episodes, but then again, maybe that was the point.

The other moment should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me and has read my other comments on this show, and it serves as a MASSIVE emotional payoff to my one big gripe about The Owl House, one that I've had since the very first episode.

So, we all remember that camp Luz was being sent to, right? Remember all the fuss people kicked up over it, saying that it was basically conversion therapy and that Camilla was abusive for sending her there. It was a real point of contention for a while.

And I'll admit, I was one of those people. I'm neurodivergent myself. I'm autistic and have ADHD, and my parents tried a number of bullshit methods to make me "normal." It was all with the best of intentions, and none of them were as bad as sending me to conversion therapy, but it does mean it is something I'm pretty sensitive about. So when I saw that flyer, I just got the most uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like, how could you do that to your child? And since that was literally the last thing we saw Camilla doing until Yesterday's Lie (aside from a couple quick Vee segments), that feeling stayed for a long time.

Obviously everything we learned changed my perception. Like I've said before, I think the writers realized their whoopsie and made sure to address that, and they did so in the best way possible: weave it into the storyline and use it for character development. Vee's friends showed that maybe the camp wasn't as bad as we feared, Luz really did have behavioral problems that needed addressing, and Camilla was a harried single mother still grieving her husband just trying to do what was best.

But we also learned more about Luz. She wasn't acting out just because she's a wacky kid with ADHD. Maybe that contributed, but she was acting out because she was also grieving. Her father was her bedrock, the guy that truly understood her and kept her grounded, and with him gone, she was desperate for some kind of validation. Her antics were a cry for help, which is why the Boiling Isles was so good for her.

Seeing those two finally sit down and talk about what happened really hit me where I live. They're both neurodivergent weirdoes that have tried to hide what they are to fit in and were deeply hurt by losing the one person that understood them, and in the process unintentionally hurt each other. I loved this. It reminded me of Entrapta's "Imperfections can be Beautiful" speech from She-Ra.

And as it so happens, that bit of honesty is what was needed to finally awaken Luz's palisman. Everyone? Meet Stringbean!

I love the cheeky little references to everyone's speculations of what Luz's palisman might be. And as it turns out, everyone was kind of right! In keeping with the theme of Luz's palisman choosing what it wants to be, it's a snakeshifter! Oh, that is clever.

But also, snake people were also right. Personally I was thinking spider, but even so. We have our new baby!

Oh God, Luz has a staff. Everyone, fear her.

Speaking of palismans, Hunter is still grieving the loss of Flapjack and NOT doing okay, but I'm glad he got that catharsis of realizing that Flapjack is still literally a part of him. It's small solace, but it is something. And as a lot of people predicted, he now has the magic that he formerly could only use through technology. The poor boy, though. I'm glad he and Willow are starting to inch toward one another. They do seem right for each other.

Okay, time to talk about plot stuff!

The Hexside stuff was a ball. I did sort of call Boscha's minions being Kikimora, though it didn't click that her big robot was involved until a few moments before the reveal. And give it up for the best tribute to the best principal!

I miss you, Principal Bump.

Also, credit for Mattholomule for stepping up! Gotta say, he's looking a lot like his big brother now, so much so that for a second I really thought that he was Steve!

I do hope Boscha gets some comeuppance. Not a whole lot, just some humble pie. Willow really owes her a smack. Still, I did crack a smile when Boscha desperately begged for Amity back. Amity was Queen Bee, and Boscha was her sycophantic minion, and can't do it without her, lol!

Now, the Collector!

I do feel sorry for this kid, despite the damage he's doing. I mean, the Collector is just a kid, one that was alone for a really, really long time, was betrayed several times, and doesn't fully understand what he's were doing. Doesn't excuse the pain he's caused (okay, the Terra thing was pretty funny, and we all love to see Odalia get humilated), but it is understandable, at least.

We also get some lore! Collectors literally collect living beings, which explains what that long one was doing to the owl beast, and why the Titan Trappers called our Collector the Great Hunter. But they are also predisposed to wipe out mortals that interfere with their affairs, which our Collector doesn't care for.

Huh, I wonder who sealed the Collector. Was it their natural enemies the Titans, or his own kind for not going along with their genocidal tendencies?

Speaking of villains, damn it Belos, why you gotta be so creepy? Does that mean all of his bodies are former Golden Guards and he possesses each one once they've been used up? No, wait, he still has the broken nose Lilith gave him. Regardless, possessing Raine will not end well for him. But you can't say he doesn't know how to manipulate the Collector, the poor kid.

Man, I know he was probably hallucinating those ghosts, but it would be really cool if they were real and drag him down to Hell or whatever.

Glad Eda and Lilith are doing okay, and that Hooty managed to at least regain some sanity. Seriously, the hell is he even? Also, I actually like that Lilith is going back to her old hair color.

What else, what else, what else?

Okay, where is Steve and the rest of the CATTs? I want my boy! And Katya! I will continue to uphold my fanfiction queen until the day I die!

Also, damn it, Edric! Stop hurting yourself!

[more-than-a-princess]

2, 4, 6 and 8

OOC RP topics meme - Accepting!

2. drabbles

I like drabbles when they serve a function, mainly. Considering how much I tend to write in threads, some of those replies could be drabbles on their own! But I like drabbles that move the plot forward. Maybe it's covering a time when the muses are apart when I've plotted with the mun about their reunion later and we want to show what happened to them in the meantime (I can think of at least two ships where this has happened or will happen in the near future. RIP my other writing partners but that drabble series will take some time to do!). Or maybe it's a fully-realized scene from an ask that will play into a future thread.

But yeah, drabbles take time so I want to write them for a reason. But I love reading them! Fill my dash with your drabbles, especially if they accompany interactions my muse has with yours!

4. multiple people threads

If it's multiple muns in one thread, that's not my thing. It's too confusing to keep track of turns and replying to everyone.

Now, if it's multiple muses in a thread, such as my muse and multiple side characters/NPCs, I don't mind writing this. However, these replies tend to take much more time to write instead of an average thread reply. For me, these feel much more like writing fanfiction or original fiction work instead of roleplaying: multiple voices, actions, and personalities to play off each other while keeping in mind who the main character (presumably my muse) is, and sticking with their vantage point.

(I may be taking a break from one of these threads right now to do this meme! Shh...)

6. excessive ooc

No. I don't like seeing it, I don't want to see it, and I do take this into consideration when deciding to follow a blog.

Now, what counts as 'excessive?'

To me, it's the difference between sharing some Munday content (a meme, what you're up to, your reports from anime conventions where you may or may not have cosplayed because I love seeing other cosplayers who roleplay. I'm sitting on so much cosplay content I've never shared over here tbh!) and 'I just got back from work and this is what I'm having for dinner' every day.

I do like getting to know the muns behind RP blogs, especially if they're someone I write with often, but there's a limit. Personally, I'm not a fan of seeing OOC content every day that has nothing to do with your muse(s), fandom(s), or RP.

That said, the OOC content I'm least fond of isn't even necessarily excessive: it's when muns project all of their interests onto their muse and make them their muse's interests as well. It's the difference between the muse commenting on something the mun is engaging with OOC and the mun insisting that because they like this hobby, it's now the muse's hobby too. The latter just feels a bit too self-insert for me for comfort, but that's me.

For example: Sonia would never be a Bridgerton stan, despite it being a big love and fandom of mine. She would not be into all of these Rich People Problems when that's literally her life (also see: Downton Abbey, The Gilded Age, The Crown, etc.).

She would, however, be a fan of ACOTAR because of the heroines and morally gray love interests. Sonia would probably call Tamlin out on being a terrible partner in the first book, like Lucien save for the 'You're my mate' scene, and immediately decide Azriel is the Best Bat Boy for being the token Shadow Daddy.

(She is wrong about this because the least problematic of the Bat Boys is Cassian, and I still have some beef with him after recent book events)

tl:dr - Romantasy is goth and romance enough for Sonia to be a fan. She likes horror, anime, and romantic J-dramas, it's not too much of a stretch!

8. reblog karma

My take on this is a little complicated, please bear with me:

I feel like mutuals should engage in reblog karma with OOC/non-thread starter memes if they are questions they haven't asked a mun before and those questions aren't already being answered. They aren't creating anything new on your writing pile if it's already too high/intimidating and you're showing interest in your mutuals, that's a win-win! For long-time mutuals though, it can feel repetitive not to send in the same OOC questions about RP and/or their lives, so I understand if they don't want to send in something every time because they'll get the same response.

For IC memes, especially thread starters, I'm okay with people reblogging the post from source and not sending me anything. If a mun doesn't really know how any of the meme options would work with their muse or just doesn't have an interest in that particular meme with my muse, I would much rather have them reblog the meme without sending me anything than to send an ask for a thread they don't have any interest writing, just to fulfill reblog karma.

Dropping threads after one turn or not even replying to a starter? This annoys me much more than not fulfilling reblog karma ever could. Major pet peeve of mine, for the most part (uncomfortable content aside. This is a good reason to drop a thread!). Please don't do it.

[katapotato55]

My love hate relationship with modern Ratchet and Clank games

TW: my opinion. its ok to disagree with me and I would love to hear your perspective. please don't send me hate. thank you.

I love rift apart and I love ratchet and clank as a series. I have played it since the ps2 era and it has a very special place in my heart, I loved the future trillogy too, and I love the newer games all the same.

but also some things bother me

1- clank making a dimentionator and announcing it to the universe felt out of character.

I don't care how you spice it the entirety of ACIT had clank learning about not abusing power for selfish reasons what the fuck game.

It would have worked if literally anyone but clank did that.

2- i miss Jim Ward.

this is not the games fault I am just sad about it. Captain Qwark was one of my favorites growing up. I wish him and his family good health and fortune. thank you for making my childhood you brilliant hilarious man.

3- This entire story feels like a waste of time.

can we just END the whole thing with the lombax race already. I loved the future trilogy but its been 10 years and I want to finally move on to other stories.

either showcase the lombax race, or don't. this has been dangling so much over my head that i have to occasionally remove cobwebs from it. lets just finish this story arc and move on please!

it feels like having the boys go to a parallel "what if never met" timeline just felt… wasteful.

I love rivet and kit but they are still just genderswapped ratchet and clank. You can't really have them meet new characters because they are just meeting themselves.

Yes i know this is a stupid take but i don't care. I just feel like this story was so…. safe. nothing ground breaking or interesting and it feels a bit wasteful.

4- ratchet's personality (also a problem with the 2016 remake)

what I loved about the original trillogy is that ratchet and clank were an amazing duo.

Ratchet was gruff, a little immature, and a bit standoffish. later on he matured (probably because he was like 13 in the first game lol) but he was STILL ratchet.

this reflected off of clank being naieve but good natured and intelligent. Clank became less naieve but he was STILL clank.

but since the 2016 reboot Ratchet went from a standoffish imperfect person to a generic wonderhero every single damn hollywood protagonist has.

the problem with this is that it basically ruins the dynamic with the boys. if both Ratchet AND clank are Naive then they don't really have a lot of chemistry…

Writers: please let your characters be flawed.

I liked ratchet BECAUSE of his flaws, and it feels like ratchet's personality was sandblasted off during the movie.

5- Comedy and seriousness 2 in one shampoo.

I liked the OG trillogy for its comedy, but it had a few serious bits too, mostly in up your arsenal.

I liked the Future trilogy for its serious bits, but it had comedy bits too sprinkled here and there which was a nice way to blow off tension.

for the most part sometimes it feels like this series doesn't know if it wants to be serious or joke-ey and so its kinda neither. Its just there. it exists.

please let the writers have fun with this man. It feels like a lot of the newer stuff has a corporate stranglehold on this series so its too afraid to alienate anyone.

as they always say: to appeal to EVERYONE you end up standing out to no one at all.

why am i making this post?

because tbh I don't want ratchet and clank to turn into bland safe mush that is designed to appeal to as much people as possible.

i love this game

But also this game only really brought me neat alt characters. I like fancy brit nefarious but thats about it. nothing really stands out to me about this game beyond it's premise.

it all feels too…safe?

That's why the lombax civilization story line didn't end, its because its too dangerous to ACTUALLY explore that anymore. that is why for some bloody reason characters keep randomly pointing out how lombax ratchet is being a lombax and that is what he is.

I am not angry, but that is EXACTLY my problem.

I WANT to be angry and upset

I WANT to have my ideas challenged

its more interesting that way! I remember way back in the day people were complaining about the tonal shift in the future trillogy and how they didn't like that.

more of that please! do interesting things with the characters I love! don't just sit on all these good ideas damnit!

anyways give me your thoughts. thank you for reading my lazy weird nerd rant. I stayed up late last night playing shadows of doubt and I will probably regret posting this once I get a full nights sleep lol. oh also shipping ratchet and rivet is weird. stop it I don't want this to be another sans self incest thing. It isn't as ungodly and terrible as the Allistor and Ratchet ship but its still weird as fuck. sorry not sorry please insomniac let women in this series exist for longer than 2 games at least so that the fans can be less emotionally starved. canonize relationships you cowards.

[phoenixradiant]

WIP Question Game

My thanks to @aestheic-writer18 for the tag!

In this game, I'll be answering nine general questions for my current WIP, Kelovir.

1. What was the first part of your WIP that you created?

So Kelovir (though it went by a different name back then) was started back in NaNoWriMo 2022. I usually start WIPs by writing a scene or two that helps me build a plot and characters, but because of the time constraints of the challenge, the first thing I did was create a planning document (I wasn't doing any prose writing because the planning doc was in October). The first thing in that document was a main character summary, and the first MC I covered was Narra. Up until a week ago, she was the only thing in that document (sans names, I usually like my names) that was still accurate. I'm beginning giving her a rewrite, and once I'm done, that planning document will be 99% outdated

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the intro song be?

I actually did a thing and wrote one for that exact hypothetical (It's not very good) I have several ideas, but most of those songs were written for other specific pieces of media. Of the ones that aren't, there's three distinct emotions that tend to crop up (so if it were a three season show it could have a different intro every season, like some animes): Anger, Melancholy, and Hope, for which I'd respectively say

Evil Ways or When the Devil Calls from those "Dark Country" albums (don't remember the artists)

2. Good People by PMP or Streets of Gold by Aviators

3. Forward Motion by TFK

Though now that I think of it, Slow Farewell (from the Dark Country albums) might work well as a singular intro.

3. What other pieces of media could share a fan base with your WIP?

Given that I've shared very little of my writing, I don't really know who it appeals to, so instead I'm just going to list half-a-dozen of my influences (in no particular order, probably affected by recency bias) and hope that people who like what I like also like what I do:

Brandon Sanderson (a lot of thematic inspiration and a bit of character [Ik what it looks like, but I hadn't read Stormlight before the main trio and the idea of Brands were both fully formed, I swear])

Fire Emblem (Dauria literally only exists because of Sacae, Cellic takes a lot of inspo from Dimitri, Anesaru takes a bit of inspo from Edelgard [sorry El stans, I promise I don't treat her too harshly])

FMA:B (character inspo mostly, esp. Maiph)

LotR, ofc (thematic inspo, a few literary conventions like characters spontaneously bursting into song lol)

Firefly (dialog inspo)

FFIV (a lot of character inspo)

4. Who are your favorite character/s and why?

It's Cellic. It has been and always will be Cellic. I've harped on about him before, and for the sake of space here, I'll try to keep it concise this time. He takes the part of me that wanted to be a hero as a kid, and he embodies that heroism as he walks through the world I saw as a teenager, and, though he breaks, becomes the kind of person I want to be and befriend as an adult. He bears the Trace of Devotion and (spoilers) the Brand of Justice, and (also spoilers) passes the trial of Beauty, and (also spoilers but very predictable) marries someone who bears the Seal of Healing. He's archetypical in many ways to be sure, but his dependability and classic heroism are part of what makes him my favorite.

5. What has been your biggest struggle while writing your WIP?

The oft-mentioned lack of discipline that leaves me unable to actually progress. Apart from that though, probably the fact that my outline means that who I attempt to write my characters as and who they actually are as they evolve on the page aren't the same, and that can cause some sticking points.

6. How do your characters get around?

Mostly by running or flying. Four named characters have wyverns, another one has wings, three or so can fly w/ magic, and the rest just learn to suck it up and hike it out.

7. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

A lot of dragonkin. There's the aforementioned wyverns, two amphipteres, and one currently-though-not-originally-incorporeal dragon god. All of these are sentient, and all of them but two of the wyverns have dialogue. Aside from the dragonkin: there's several horses, sheep, goats, and boars for domesticated animals, and several more... interesting beasts for wild creatures. Particularly valrak, giant fusions of scorpion, wasp, spider, and beetle that eat everything and spread like fauna kudzu, and whatever demon things the summoners of Clan Anyraz pull from what is essentially the nether. For mythological reasons, wild animals tend to be hostile to people. You'll find the occasional neutral one, but animals have a surprisingly good reason for hating humanity.

8. What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

I'm working on my rewrite of Narra, which you can help give me ideas for here! Once I get that revision done I'm going to resume drafting, specifically I'm going to finish the flashback sequence where Cellic's mother dies.

9. What aspects of your WIP do you think will draw people in?

HOW DARE YOU FORCE ME TO BE POSITIVE ABOUT MYSELF!

Dialogue. I like to think I'm pretty good at it, both the funny parts and the deep parts (which are sometimes the same). My descriptive style is still evolving, but luckily I think it's changing for the better. Also, thematically it talks about things that I think are important, and I'm told that the enthusiasm of the writer often translates to enthusiasm of the reader.

Aaaand that should do it! I've seen this passing around a few times and ik several of the people I'd otherwise tag have done it already, so Imma just leave this as an open tag! If you see this and you want in, that means YOU!

[finsterhund]

I'm planning to finally write the long awaited update to my first medium article on Sly, so I went back and read my past articles and holy shit did I dump trauma into them. God. The one where I talk about needing to replace Ope because he won't survive much longer if I keep chewing on him pretty much documented how my life fell apart when Cazza left remission for the last time. Seeing photos of her on it made me fucking break. I tried reading the one about stuffed dogs that resemble Spot and I had her REVIEW EACH ONE. She was like my little coauthor. God.

No wonder it's gotten so much harder to write those. I'm missing my best friend who gave irreplaceable input.

I want to write the Sly II of Sly II though because I want to share the collective information I've found about Sly since then. It's criminal that unless you get your hands on a tag of Charlene's forever toys to read it yourself their stories are all lost to time.

If I had the energy I'd make my own fansite. Provide more lore info than egnome provides for them. But sadly I'm too exhausted. Just Sly for me. Also you literally have to buy one complete with tags to see the whole tag story and obviously I'm going to limit the amount of 300 dollar stuffed animals I buy thank you very much. My first, Sly II I got for way less than he's worth and my upcoming Christmas present I'm drastically reducing my calorie intake to afford. (Don't worry, they are raising my disability income for the new year and I'm not destitute yet lol)

I just. Man. I keep thinking what it must have been like when Charleen was around and actively making these guys. Meeting up at toy expos and such. All in the US, yeah, but still. Would have loved to meet her. Asked all about Sly. Back when her toys were still in production getting promotional materials would have been easier too. Apparently she had a little fan magazine she shipped out every so often where people could send in letters? That's the sort of stuff you don't get with mass produced toys but is also too much work for modern independent creators who are treading water in today's economy. The egnome mailing list doesn't even work anymore. I wonder when it stopped running.

I'm still not giving up on trying to recreate my own backup Sly, but I'm just so tired all the time. I wish I had a workshop and wasn't just doing everything in life straight outta my bedroom. If you saw my bedside table situation and the mess it is you'd all hurl. The discount section of a fabricland was shit out all over every even remotely flat available surface.

As futile as it seems and as tired as I am, I am also pleased to report that some level of progress is being made though. I'm designing ideas to make my own take on the character distinct enough from the original. I'm also on that subject thinking about finally learning how to quilt. For real this time. Using my roommate's sewing machine is a pain in the ass so most of what I'm doing is by hand so not as nice looking but I have more control and am less likely to murder my hand.

I keep wishing we could go to the other thrift store so I can go on a quest for a ton of vintage buttons. I'm looking for upholstery buttons specifically. God that's another thing. I love buttons. You know that? I should make a quilt that also serves as a button collection. And I still want to one day make a quilt from many of Cazza's old things but currently I can't bear to alter them in any way so I've put them in a tote in my closet so I don't stare at them and cry.

Good news in that I cleaned my room a bit and that Scott is almost finished with his ear medicine. He's become such a good boy about letting me out the drops in his ears. Really adaptable he is.

I keep thinking about how I wish I could go back to drawing tons of Heart of Darkness fan art again. But I remind myself that my very own Whisky died in my arms and yeah. It's no wonder I don't have the heart to do what I'm passionate about anymore.

Maybe I make a Sly entirely out of the dollar store paw print blankets of which Cazza died with. I'd get brand new ones, enough to make the Sly, don't know how many that would take but they're a nice texture. I have old fleece I got at a discount that reminds me of the Cazza collar maybe I could make a Cazza Sly and give him a Cazza collar.

Another thing is there's just been no info on the crying dog. None at all. I didn't stop caring about him. Just that nothing new has happened. Very sad.

Hopefully playing pikmin 3 and then 4 will be a nice reprieve. I can hope.

[they-them-that]

The Priest was my least favourite part of Fleabag.

I understand that a lot of viewers of the series love the Priest and what he brought to the series. I can see how people enjoyed the romantic dynamic between him and Fleabag and what felt like provided a silver lining in Fleabag's depressing and tense life. Also a lot of y'all have the hots for him which is fair lol. So for any Priest devotees, you may be better off not interacting with this post if you're not open to having me pick him apart. That being said, I'm doing this in a listicle format so prepare yourself lol.

1. He's a priest

The series seems to take a neutral stance on organized Christianity and although I accept all forms of spirituality, the Church itself is a different story. The Church isn't a religion but an industry that is systemically imbedded into European politics that have been used to commit heinous deeds such as colonization, racism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, exploitation, and sexual misconduct since its existence. This isn't merely happenstance and there isn't such a thing as a "good Church". The whole system is rooted in hierarchal control that still seeks to disenfranchise marginalized people and extort Christians which has literally taken lives.

Even though every character in Fleabag is meant to be morally grey, the Priest's occupation isn't actually depicted as problematic and his introduction goes out of its way to say "he's not like other priests" (spoiler alert: he is). The only conflict around his lifestyle is that it's a cockblock rather than the fact it's unethical and his "priestliness" is actually used to romanticize him.

2. He's "perfect"

He's not actually perfect but he's written to be. He's "hot, charming, caring but just quirky and snarky enough to be cute and interesting". He's not visibly contentious like the rest of Fleabag's characters which to me, contradicts the whole message of the series. People are messy and make mistakes but the Priest exists as Fleabag's pillar of goodness for our protagonist to seek love and help from. He's "too perfect" that he doesn't even feel real when everyone else in the show does.

When it came to Boo, we got to see what Fleabag loved about her but that she was also deeply flawed. The easy route would be to depict her as a pure and selfless person so we can only think of her as someone "too good to go so soon" but the show went out of its way to portray a complex and authentic character. Something that couldn't be afforded to the Priest in order for him to function as the love interest and ultimate form of guidance.

3. He preyed on Fleabag

Hot take but the confessional scene was not romantic or sexy, it was just predatory. In that scene, Fleabag breaks down and tells the priest how lonely, lost, and sad she feels and that she "needs someone to tell her what to do". What was obviously a call for help from Fleabag had the Priest respond sexually and attempts to dominate her. He's only lucky that Fleabag is attracted to him but it also feels abundant to me that her attraction is guided by her desire for this apparently loving and morally righteous person to heal her. The Priest came onto someone who just revealed was deeply vulnerable and dependant, whether or not he already harboured attraction to them. It simply wasn't the time and it's creepy to me that that was the moment his sexual impulses kicked in... I understand if this tickles your fancy but divorcing this from being a romantic steamy fantasy, the action was deplorable.

4. Romance is overrated

I have a gripe with romance being the ultimatum to a story or character arc. It comes off as epitomizing typically romantic monogamous relationships which are already glamourized in our patriarchal society. It doesn't really make a difference that the two don't end up together in the very last scene, the entire second season has centralized their relationship and the over-importance of finding romantic love. The same was the case for Claire where her happiness was no longer about freeing herself from a toxic partner and matriarchal obligations, but "being with the man she loves". Both the Priest and Klare were non existent in the first season which has made space for the sisters to exist as independent characters with individual needs and struggles. To have both of their finales chalked up to pursuing the right man (again, even if it wasn't end-game) felt like an oversimplification of what these women strived for.

I also found Fleabag's strained but endearing relationship with her sister to be the heart of the series so it was tragic to see it sidelined in favour of the Priest. It was refreshing to see a female-lead show that depicted a woman outside her relationship to a man. We got to focus on Fleabag's platonic, familial, and sexual relationships along with her relationship with herself. Women aren't all just romance but other forms of love have always been undervalued, merely existing in the backdrop or as the lesser relationship. This felt apparent in the way the Priest could notice Fleabag interacting with us to show us he was "special". Viewers saw it as a sign that they were soulmates but I found it upsetting that only a romantic connection could transcend this barrier as if Claire or Boo weren't good enough to access it.

Fleabag felt like the show that brought all these non-romantic relationships to the forefront and avoided cliches of how female-oriented shows are expected to pan out. Yet in the end, it opted for the crowd-pleasing resolution which was introducing a dashing prince for the sad Cinderella. I still love Fleabag and I have great respect for Phoebe Waller-Bridge! Even if I have disdain for the Priest, it doesn't hold back the love many others have for him. But to me, he was the antithesis to what I loved about the first half of Fleabag though that I felt deserved to be critiqued.