#also i shot myself in the foot by deciding to write a scene early on in their relationship

[calamity-unlocked]

"You may ask your questions," Lark declared, hands folded neatly on his lap. "Gimme a sec." He was trying to get the entire rind of the tangerine off in one go. His claws broke through the thin outer membrane protecting the flesh of the fruit. Juice dribbled down his hand. One by one, he sucked the sticky sweetness from his fingers. He could feel Lark's impassive gaze on him, accompanied by the faintest whiff of ozone that had Nick biting his lip to keep himself from grinning.

Nick still hates his bind. But, gradually, it's becoming more tolerable.

Written for @nark-week, Day 3: Corruption // Captivation

Based on @2dents' fanfic 'A Consuming Faith'.

[ignitedbynatsu]

Flour Bomb

A/N: Do I post at the most ungodly hours for my readers in the US? Probably. Do I screw myself by doing so? Yeah, I guess... BUt don’t care 🤷I have this weird obsession when I’m done writing something that I have to get it out as soon as possible 👀 That being said, here is the Natsu x children shenanigans @pro-crastinator14 requested! Hope you like it ❤️

Warnings: swearing

Genre: crack, fluff

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

"Please don't leave us with those three" Gray pleaded as you bid your goodbye to the guild.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go," you told the ice mage as you gave Mira-Jane a hug.

"Then take them with you" he huffed. He was absolutely not looking forward to spending the day with those three troublemakers, especially with you gone.

"I can't, it's some private stuff with the family about our father's will" you explained before giving him a reassuring smile "You'll be fine, I'll be back by tonight.

"Nalu! Kenji! Promise me you'll behave and don't make it too hard on your dad" you crouched down to their level, so you could look them in the eyes and show then you were serious.

"We promise mommy!" Your eldest promised as she placed her hand over her heart, her younger brother soon mimicking her.

"Natsu, the same goes for you" you eyed your husband as you stood straight again. He was in an intense staring contest with Gray but turned to you as soon as he heard his name fall from your lips.

"When do I ever not behave?" He smiled sheepishly. Happy piped up "how about never?"

Natsu shot him a glare before giving you a loving smile "We'll be fine. Now go, you don't want to be late, do you?"

You pressed your lips against his, lingering a little longer than you'd normally do, only breaking apart when you felt your children hug your legs. "Bye, mommy!"

And with that you were gone, leaving the soon-to-be chaos-filled guild behind you for the day.

"Alright so, you'll go to uncle Gray and tell him something's in your water bottle and when he bends down, you squeeze the bottle, spraying him with water" this is how nearly the whole day had passed. Natsu and his children prank everyone in the guild. From putting fake spiders around the bar to scare Mira-Jane to colouring Levy's glasses, resulting in her having dark circles around her eyes. No one was safe.

"Natsu, that's enough!" A covered in strawberry cake Erza growled as she towered over the fire dragon slayer. They had hidden a small balloon in her cake so when she went to grab a bite with her fork, the small dessert went flying everywhere.

Everyone in the guild had a matching expression, showing how fed up everyone was with the pranks. "Fine, fine we'll stop, right kids?"

"Yep! Here you go daddy" Kenji handed him a mug with what Natsu presumed was beer, so he took a swing. It didn't take long before he spits the beverage out, tasting soap instead of the bitterness of the golden liquid.

The two children ran away laughing "Oh no, what have I started"

Everyone was on high alert for the two little monsters that were your children "this is your fault" Gajeel growled as everyone was looking for them.

"We were just having a little fun, how was I supposed to know they wouldn't know when to stop?" Natsu tried to defend himself.

"They're your kids, are you really that surprised they don't have an off button?" Lisanna deadpanned.

Natsu grumbled, knowing she was right and that he shouldn't have let it go this far "has anyone found them?"

Everyone gathered in the middle with no success, unbeknownst to them, walking right into the two children's biggest prank yet "flour bomb!"

How the two managed to get that much flower up there without anyone noticing was an absolute mystery, but as the words fell from the two young mages mouths, an avalanche of white powder flew down, covering the whole guild and their mages in the process.

"Nalu! Kenji!" Natsu yelled at his children, but the two had already run from the scene, the only thing that could be heard was their laughter.

"Shit! We have to clean this up before (Y/N) comes back" the fire mage cursed as realization dawned upon him.

"We?" Gray laughed "Oh, good luck buddy"

Gray patted his shoulder as he and the others piled out of the guild "Wait! Where are you going?"

"To get cleaned up and go to another bar!" Cana called over her shoulder "have fun with your monsters"

A couple more profanities left Natsu's lips as he peered to the guild, hoping to catch even a glimpse of his children.

"There are footsteps here" Happy announced who had flown up to where they had last seen the two.

"Happy you're a genius!" Once Natsu had climbed up the two followed the trail that led them to a small crawl space underneath the roof.

The dragon slayer poked his head in and there indeed where the two troublemakers "Nalu. Kenji. That's enough. Get your asses down"

The two shared a glance, they had never seen their father this serious before. They obeyed his order and quietly made it back downstairs.

"We're sorry, daddy, we didn't mean to make everyone mad" both their head hung low in shame as they prepared themselves to get yelled at.

Natsu sighed, knowing that he was partly to blame in all of this "it's not all your fault, I should've put my foot down sooner."

"So you're not upset with us?" Nalu lifted her head as she looked at her father with glossy eyes.

"I wouldn't say that, but I think cleaning this mess is punishment enough, so I won't yell at you" Natsu patted his daughter's head.

So the four got to work, trying their best to get rid of all the flour, but it was literally everywhere. Halfway through, the two children had fallen asleep, leaving Natsu and Happy to get rid of the rest.

"What happened here" you gasped as you took notice of the mess in front of you. Both your children were covered in flour and knocked out on a table, while Natsu and Happy, who were also covered in flour, were sweeping the floor.

"(Y/N)! You're back early!" Natsu's eyes nearly fell out of their sockets when he heard your voice. Your eyes narrowed at him as you awaited an explanation.

He sighed as he placed the broom against a table and glanced at Nalu and Kenji "A prank that got a little out of hand, but" he rushed to say as you pinched the bridge of your nose in annoyance "before you yell at us, we all knew we were in the wrong and learned from our mistakes. We even decided to clean up as punishment for our behaviour"

Your eyes cast upon your children, still not saying a word so Natsu decided to continue with his apology "we're really sorry, I'm really sorry. I know you put trust in us, and we broke it"

"I'm never leaving you three alone again" you sighed "but it's fine, you saw that you were in the wrong and took responsibility. Let's finish cleaning up and get them home, shall we?"

By the time you were done, the moon was high in the night sky. "You sure you're not mad at me?"

Natsu's voice was hushed as he carried a sleeping Nalu in his arms while you carried Kenji. "No, you'll always be a troublemaker, but you're my troublemaker and I wouldn't have it any other way"

[emiliangnl]

Promise • Zenitsu x Reader •

This is just a short shot, I've had this on my mind for awhile so i decided to write it ^^;

this thing is all over the place so, Sorry about that-

| Fluff with Zenitsu, OOC Zenitsu? |

You were currently outside the butterfly mansion, it was currently nighttime, even though Aoi had told you and the others to be better off sleeping early at night, you still can't help but go abide the 'rule' Aoi had set up.

You sneakily get to a spot in the mansion where you could get a better look at the night sky, until your eyes lighten up a bit to see a familiar fly.

A smile slowly carved onto your lips to see a firefly come by to you, it's been awhile since you've seen a firefly, since all of the fireflies you would see were dead. It's a nice scene to see a live firefly "Fireflies don't really have a long life span, but even so, they still light up even if they're fighting between life and death." you mutter lightly, the smile on your face slowly becoming a frown until you've saw, in the corner of your eye a pile of fireflies near the pond.

You started to walk towards the pond, as the pile of fireflies group up near the pond, more did their light become more brighter which made your eyes glimmer in awe. Like the one in fairytales, your surroundings was covered with the light of the fireflies. Their small light is pretty enough to be mesmorized by it, the peaceful sighting was suddenly disrupted by some foot steps you're starting to hear making you very wary of your surrounding.

"(Y-Y/N)-chan? What are you doing out here, late at night?" The familiar voice called out for you, as you giggled lightly to yourself "Were you worried, Zenitsu?" You asked outloud not bothered to look at him as you could feel him flinch lightly like he was caught, as you heard a sigh as he slowly came closer to you. Wrapping his arms on your waist, still behind you, as he put his chin over your shoulder, as you could only make out a smile.

Not many had known about this, even the kamado gang, but you and Zenitsu have been hitting it off at the sidelines of the two of you being demon slayers. Being inlove/in a relationship with someone while trying to slay demons isn't the most favorable thing to do, since sometimes the two will have no time in doing lovey dovey stuff if they're always busy with training and slaying demons.

Even after with those circumstances, you and Zenitsu just decided to just get together, no matter how busy you or Zenitsu might be. You have fallen for him and he had fallen for you, and there's no way that the two of you will let this opportunity of having a life even in the demon corps.

"Ne, Zenitsu, The fireflies look pretty dont they?" You said, as you felt Zenitsu smile a little "They do, but they aren't as pretty as you (Y/N)-Chan" Zenitsu said as you giggled lightly "typical of you." You muttered as he laughed lightly, his hold of you getting slightly tighter "You know (Y/N)-Chan, there are times in our missions that sometimes, I feel like I wont be able to live another day.." Zenitsu muttered as you held onto his hands that are currently wrapped on your waist "But, I often remind myself that. I still need to live so we both can have a life together..." Zenitsu said as you listened, being in the demon slayer corps can often times cost your life in the process.

So, often times, you would understand why; would Zenitsu try and find a wife even if they don't like him or they just knew him just a second ago. Zenitsu wanted a life even in the demon slayer corps, that even if he dies, he atleast have some memories for himself to remember. You understood him, and that's what you would often want to bring him out into some quick dates here and there to make memories with.

Memories to remember, even in a life and death scenario.

The two of you stood for awhile enjoying eachothers company, listening in on the sound of croaking of frogs and enjoying the light the fireflies make "I love you Zenitsu, even if I would die, slaying demons with you and the others." You said while having your eyes closed, you suddenly opened your eyes when Zenitsu slowly twirled you so he could hug you in the front "Dont say that! I don't want to lose you, I promise to protect you myself." He exclaimed as you had to shush him a little not wanting to wake up the others.

"Calm down Zenitsu, Im still here okay? I only want to remind you that I will always love you." You said calmly, your head resting onto his chest as his hand patted you on your head "I promise you, (Y/N)-Chan. I'll protect you, both of us will live and have a good life together." He said patting your head making feel relaxed and also a little sleepy "You dont really need to make promises Zenitsuu...I know you're always going to protect me..." You said trailing off slightly here and there, slowly feeling sleepy.

"W-well! I just want you to know it (Y/N)-Chan, Ill be always here to protect you" Zenitsu exclaimed as you nodded lightly as you wrapped your arms around Zenitsu as he looked at you "feeling sleepy?" He asked as you responded with a hum, after that the two of you started to go back to the room.

Zenitsu tucking you to bed, kissing your forehead "Goodnight (Y/N)-Chan, I love you" He muttered as he went to his bed.

[fieldsofplay]

Favorite Albums of 2020

25. Dehd – Flower of Devotion

Rather than look back on the shit year that was 2020, lets keep our eye on the hope of the horizon.  Speaking of which, Dehd herald much of what’s to come on this here list.  While as previously mentioned a shit year for most everything besides presidential politics, 2020 proved to be a great year for good old fashioned guitar music.  Could I be accused of curling up with my version of musical comfort food? Perhaps.  But starting off with Dehd, we have a type of band that used to be everywhere and now seems to be almost nowhere.  Jangly lo-fi guitars, perky drums, and straightforward unadorned singing.  About five years ago you couldn’t throw a rock in Brooklyn without hitting a band like this, but now that that fad is long gone.  I’m glad that Chicago’s Dehd are still carrying the torch.  

24. Perfume Genius – Set My Heart on Fire Immediately

I’ve always liked Perfume Genius, but for whatever reason Set My Heart on Fire Immediately is the album that took him out of the realm of casual background musical encounter to something I sought out.  Chamber pop has never really been my thing (except for those couple summers where Grizzly Bear was totally my jam), but here the torch songs catch fire by the compressed force of Michael Hadreas’ longing.  This record also pulls off the impressive feat of each song gradually morphing just a bit from what proceeds it, so that the whole record sounds similar and yet each song carves out its own little generic niche, the whole thing united by the quivering power of that pleading voice.  

23. 2nd Grade – Hit to Hit

If you ever found yourself wondering what Guided by Voices would sound like if they wanted to be Big Star instead of punk rock Kinks, we now have the answer, and it’s Phily’s 2nd Grade.  In the noble tradition of Bee Thousand and Alien Lanes, Hit to Hit’s 24 tracks breeze by in a mere 41 minutes and 8 seconds.  An earworm sunny melody, a quick guitar hook, a second verse (maybe), and poof, each song is gone before you could ever miss it.  You would think variation would be difficult working within such tight musical corners, but while each song clearly shares common DNA, there is actually a lot of variance here, from weepy country ditties (“Bye Bye Texas”) to overdriven stompers (“Baby’s First Word”) though they all tend to orbit the same (big) star.  

22. Tame Impala – The Slow Rush

I’ll be the first to admit that The Slow Rush isn’t my favorite Tame Impala record, not by a long shot.  Having said that, this album still feels like it got short shrift this year (not that anyone can really complain about that in these here times).  If we never knew that Lonerism or Innerspeaker or Currents existed, I wonder how much people would be head over heels for this album.  “One More Year” “Is It True” and “Posthumous Forgiveness” are all top notch Impala jams.  Seems like this album is the soundtrack for the chilled out summer hangs that we never got to have, and thus it’s fitting that it seems condemned for the ash-heap of history rather than the late-night come downs we never got up to.

21. Against All Logic – 2017 – 2019

Ah, speaking of complicated musical relationships, I can never seem to chart a clear course with Nicolas Jaar.  The music he puts out under his own name never seems to do much for me, but I dug his collaboration with Dave Harrington as Darkside, and I really love most everything he’s put out as Against All Logic.  While admittedly not a great year for house music—normally a liberating genre of communal interconnectivity, now a cruel reminder that we all live in Footloose—a banger remains a banger, and 2017-2019 is full to the brim with them.  While I honestly can’t remember the last time I went dancing, I’ll still crank up “Fantasy” and bop around my living room, literally dancing by myself (lets be honest, something I would have done pandemic or no).  

20. Fiona Apple – Fetch the Bolt Cutters

Fetch the Bolt Cutters has had a lot of great things said about it this year, so I don’t really have to add that much.  What I will say is this is perhaps the most interesting percussion I’ve ever heard on a record.  There is percussion all over the place, but almost none of it in the form of full-kit drumming.  Fiona always used the left hand on the piano as the rhythmic center of her songs, but here there is drilling, tapping, rapping, patting.  The phrase DIY gets tossed around all the time (and almost never applied to big money, big label Fiona) but to me the most impressive thing about this record is how it always sounds like she is sitting at a rickety upright piano in the corner of a living room, while everyone congregating around keeps the beat by tapping on pots and pans, the walls, whatever is at hand.  I’ve truly never heard anything like it.  

19. Advertisement – American Advertisement

Godbless Seattle’s Advertisement. So long as there is cheap beer, old shitty cars driving with the windows down, and the U-SofA, there’ll be bands like Advertisement.  Straight out of the vein of Cheap Trick and the more recent White Reaper, Advertisement play power pop with the emphasis on the power.  Sometimes this type of music gets called sleazy, but honestly I don’t get it.  I think its probably because you can imagine it playing while Wooderson drives around Austin looking for redheads. While we rightfully cancelled the song of summer this year, “Upstream Boogie” would have gotten my vote, perfect for backyard bbqs and cannonballing into creeks.  

18. Nation of Language – Introduction, Presence

I didn’t set it up this way, but if Advertisement has a diametric opposite, its probably Nation of Language.  Where Advertisement is all frayed edges and foam, Nation of Language is as buttoned up as those terrible sports jackets people wore in the early ‘90s.  While its not as good as my beloved Black Marble, those bands share enough DNA to make me a big fan of this synth pop gem.  It’s not as dark as the cold-wave Black Marble, but it does share that bands fondness for stark baselines and crisp arpeggios.  If you’ve ever envisioned your life as a scene from a John Hughes movie, Nation of Language could easily be playing in the background.

17. The Soft Pink Truth – Shall we Go on Sinning so that Grace May Increase?

Indulge me in a moment of naval gazing.  Every year as I put these things together I reach a point where I’m lack “damn, this album is this low on the list?” And the point at which that thought enters my head is usually indicative of how good a year for music it was.  Now 2020 wasn’t a good year for anything, and I probably spent the least time of any year listening to music, new, old, whatever.  For the most part I just listened to the Grateful Dead and ambient albums.  However, for my idiosyncratic tastes, 2020 was actually a pretty fucking incredible year for new music, as evinced by the fact that this album is all the way down at 17.  

Earlier on in 2020 as I was bombarding my poor local music text thread with yet more of my inane musings, I think I declared this a top 3 album of the year.  And I wasn’t lying!  “Pretty” is often a dirty word in aesthetic appreciation, but this is certainly the “prettiest” album of the year in the best sense of the word.  From the Drew Daniel half of Matmos comes Shall we Go on Sinning so that Grace May Increase?  A record that is somehow simultaneously deep house and feather light, so much so that it needs its own dumb internet music writing moniker—shallow house? wide house? vacation house? (actually kinda like that last one).  With vocals from Jana Hunter, Angel Deradoorian, and Colin Self (with whom I wasn’t previously familiar) this thing will simultaneously make you want to tap your foot and drift off into the clouds.  This is album is like the prayer Madonna sang about all those years ago.  

16. Kurt Vile – Speed, Sound, Lonely KV

It’s not at all surprising that if Kurt Vile decided he wanted to go country western he’d be really fucking good at it.  First of all, he’s an exceptional acoustic guitar picker.  Secondly, his voice, while always befitting his hazed out urban rockers, has just enough twang to it that in retrospect it always sounded a little bit country.  This record also gives me room to offer up an homage to the late great John Prine, for whom the EP is essentially a tribute.  Vile covers two Prine songs, dueting with the man himself on “How Lucky.” Saying goodbye is never easy, but on Speed, Sound, Lonely (both the album, and the song more or less by that name) Vile manages a fitting tribute to a lost legend.  

15. Lomelda – Hannah

The reviews of Hannah really did Lomelda a disservice.  Sure, they were glowing, but they made it sound like this was some weepy milquetoast singer songwriter affair, when it’s actually a knotty album full off elliptical piano and fuzzed out electric guitar.  Its 14 tracks hurtle by, largely due to the fact that almost all of them are under 3 and a ½ minutes.  Things really get going with the second track, “Hannah Sun” with is squiggly synth effects and driving acoustic strums carrying on Hannah Read’s musings.  It’s an album of relentless forward musical movement even if the vibe feels like it’s always looking back over its shoulder.  Basically this album is what emo would sound like if it wasn’t made by the worst people in the universe.  

14. Shabaka and the Ancestors – We are Sent here by History

Jazz! Another great year for jazz (Asher Gamedze’s Dialectic Soul and Keefe Jackson, Jim Baker, & Julian Kirshner’s So Glossy and So Thin are with a strong group that just missed the cut).  In the midst of an excellent jazz renaissance (you gotta use super annoying words like “renaissance” when talking about jazz) Shebaka Hutchins remains my absolute fave of the bunch, and We are Sent here by History is probably my favorite thing he has put out so far.

13. Waxahatchee – Saint Cloud

While I really liked Waxahatchee’s low-fi emoish debut—American Weekend—I’ll readily admit I wasn’t much about the popier albums that followed, frequently jesting, honestly, that Allison was my preferred musical Crutchfield sister.  All that changed for me with Saint Cloud.  I’ve certainly drifted far off into country and Americana as I’ve aged, and it appears the same came be said for Katie Crutchfield.  These songs have a giddyup to them but they never break out into a gallop, allowing the strength of the melodies to carry them along across the plains, with just the right hint of twilight.  Saint Cloud is the sound of Patsy Cline if she played to roadside inns rather than the Grand Ol’ Opry.  

12. Neil Young – Homegrown

This was the hardest album to place on the list this year.  For starters, should it even count? Clearly I say yes.  While some of these songs have been available for over 30 years, as an album, Homegrown was a “new” release here in 2020, even though it was originally slated to come out in ’75 between On the Beach (my personal fave Neil record) and Zuma.  As a pure piece of music, is it better than most, if not all, of the records that follow? Of course yes.  But what does a new Neil Young record mean in 2020? As a thought experiment its fascinating.  Do we value this album within the musical context of 2020 or 1975? Fortunately, it’s an even more enjoyable listen than it is a thought experiment.  From the first strums of “Separate Ways” you’re like “oh shit, this is the vintage stuff.” Gentle amber acoustic numbers (“Try”) share space with electric stompers (“Vacancy”).  The best thing you can say about Homegrown is that if Neil had originally decided to release this instead of Tonight’s The Night, it would have fit right in amongst his unimpeachable run from Everybody Knows This is Nowhere up through Zuma.  A classic is still a classic, no matter what year it finally sees the light of day.  

11. Destroyer – Have we Met

Ah Dan Bejar, boy was I wrong about you.  I kinda got into Destroyer’s Rubies, I loved his contributions to Swan Lake and The New Pornographers, but yet when Chinatown started really making waves, I just couldn’t do it.  It was soft rock! I hate soft rock! I hate everything about it!  This preconceived notion wasn’t helped by the fact that I saw him open for the War on Drugs in Pontiac once and he was so drunk he could barely stand up and had to read his own lyrics from a sheet.  And yet, for some reason I never really gave up on it. I can’t tell you why exactly, but two summers ago Chinatown just slowly became my go-to for early morning / late afternoon strolls. I found comfort in giving myself over to its pillowy soft embrace / cheating on my own aesthetic judgments.  Now that I’m card-carrying Bejarhead, I greeted Have we Met with open arms, and I was not disappointed.  The synths glimmer, the guitars add just enough punch, and his lyrics remain sharp as ever.  Its fitting that this was the last concert I saw before the iron curtain fell.  The one thing I had always turned my back on ended up being the last memory of dionysian group enthrallment I had to carry with me out into the desert of social isolation.  Come back soon Destroyer, come back soon, everyone.

10. Deeper – Auto-Pain

Ladies and gentlemen, get ready, because post punk is back! I always say my favorite genre is ‘sad songs you can dance to’ but post punk is a close second.  When I was in college post punk underwent a bit of a renaissance in the form of Interpol (back when they were still good), Bloc Party (ditto), Franz Ferdinand, and a whole slew of British one hit wonders (Maximo Park, Futureheads, Art Brut, the Bravery).  Fortunately, as is always the case, what’s old is new again, and stark melodic bass lines, angular guitars, and moody introspective speak-singing are back in full force.  Of the three post punk bands gracing this here top ten (Deeper, Fontaines DC, and Crack Cloud) each has its own little slice of the generic pie.  Fontaines have the deep gloom of Interpol/Joy Division, Crack Cloud ripple with the staccato energy of Gang of Four, and Deeper have the wiry dancieness of, well, Wire. So long as leather jackets and black and white photography remain cool, there’ll always be bands like this, and thank god for that.  In a true sign o’ the times, I learned about this band from some random girl’s Tik Tok in my for-you feed.  She repped five bands, two of which are in my top three, so I was like, sure I’ll give this band Deeper a go.  God bless the internet.  Finally, Deeper get bonus points for naming a song “This Heat,” who I’ve been spending a lot of time revisiting this year, and whose spikey guitars are all over this record.  

9. The Flaming Lips – American Head

There are few things as satisfying in art as being genuinely surprised by a beloved artist you had given up as culturally dead.  Since putting out their last masterpiece (2009’s Embryonic) the Lips have put out a string of good, if inconsequential, albums that befitting the ethos of the band could best be described as half baked (The Terror, Oczy Moldy, and a series of collaborative experiments).  Basically, they had reached that dreaded nadir where I was no longer interested in listening to their new output (cough The National, cough cough Arcade Fire).  So what made me give American Head a chance? That reader, is the point of art criticism! I can’t remember how the blurb on pitchfork read exactly, but I knew it referenced Tom Petty and a return to a preoccupation with more Earthly concerns—namely ‘70s heartland rock.  Well, this sounded intriguing, and boy was I not disappointed.  Sure, the Flaming Lips have already reached their sell-by date twice over (first in 1992, immediately followed by their MTV reinvention on 1993’s Transmissions from the Satellite Heart; and then again in the late ‘90s with the departure of guitarist Ronald Jones, followed by their creative pinnacle, ‘99’s symphonic masterpiece The Soft Bulletin), so it shouldn’t be all that surprising that this band could rise from the dead a third time.  Only, for the most part, they didn’t.  I guess I’m not surprised that American Head failed to reach a broader audience. Most people probably aren’t even aware that they are still a going concern, and after the failures of the last decade it makes sense that most weren’t interested in more tunes from the Oklahoma freaknicks.  But for those willing to give the band another chance, American Head easily delivers their best album since Embryonic, if not all the way back to Yoshimi.  Mixing ‘70s Americana with the star gazing of Soft Bulletin’s “Sleeping on the Roof,” the Lips deliver their best album in decades by foregoing the parlor tricks and returning to what they do best, taking trips to distant galaxies while keeping their feet firmly planted in the soil and songcraft of Oklahoma.

8. Cut Worms – Nobody Lives Here Anymore

This one is pretty easy.  Do you like George Harrison’s All Things Must Pass? If yes, listen to Nobody Lives Here Anymore and revel in this double album’s upbeat acoustic rock mediations.  If no, well there’s plenty of other good stuff out there.  Not quite as metaphysical or orchestral as All Things Must Pass, Nobody Lives Here Anymore still manages to hit that rockabiliy-pop sweet spot that Harrison used to mine.  I’m not quite sure what the definition of “troubadour” is, but it feels safe to call Cut Worms a troubadour, which is certainly better than his terrible stage name.  

7. Cigarettes for Breakfast – Aphantasia

Similar to Cut Worms, Cigarettes for Breakfast also involves a simple influence equation.  Do you pray at the altar of Loveless? If so, Aphantasia is just the record for you.  Sure, it’s a bit of My Bloody Valentine paint by numbers (“Breathe” even features the same squally guitar noise [it’s really hard to try and describe My Bloody Valentine effects ha] as “Soft as Snow (But Warm Inside)”) but when you’re as into shoegaze as I am, that’s never really a bad thing.  Plus, I’m being a bit unfair.  Everyone with textured tremolo heavy wall-of-sound guitars and cooed vocals is going to inevitably be compared to MBV, and Cigarettes for Breakfast do enough to chart their own course.  Perhaps most interesting is the musical journey this record charts.  Its loudest moment is its opening, where pummeling guitars more reminiscent of Sonic Youth with a touch of Dinosaur Jr. rip across hardcore style drumming. From there each song becomes a little more ambient, until closer “If Someone Could Help Me, Please” more or less floats away on its shimmering sheets of beautiful noise clouds.  In this sense, it bears a resemblance in structure, if not in sound, to Deerhunter’s Cryptograms, another album I spent a lot of time revisiting this year.  A shutout here is owed to the fine folks at Radio K, who had me diving for my shazam as this thing ripped across their airwaves.  So long as there is college radio, there’ll be a new crop of kids discovering via Kevin Shields that the electric guitar contains endless sonic possibilities.  

6. Fontaines D.C. – A Hero’s Death

The second entry in our top-ten post punk trio is A Hero’s Death by Fontaines D.C.  I’ll admit, on first blush it’s kind of a dumb band name (I just assumed they were some hardcore band from Washington DC chasing those Dischord Records glory days), but when you learn that the “DC” stands for Dublin City, it all clicks, as this band is sorta inescapably Irish in the way that James Joyce is.  Now this fact at first was also off-putting—if I went the rest of my life without ever hearing the Dropkick Murphy’s again I’d be quite content—but eventually it becomes integral to their sound, and not just because of the brogue in Garin Chatten’s vocals.  “Love is the Main Thing” is an incredible song in many ways, most notably because of the hypnotic quality of the drumming with its counterpoint between riding cymbal and staccato toms, but perhaps in the main (*wink*) for the way it manages to connote the weariness of a grey urban environment without ever being explicitly about it.  Just as Turn on the Bright Lights managed to perfectly capture New York in 2001, A Hero’s Death to me is the aural equivalent of a dense urban center like Dublin, especially after nightfall.  

5. Imaginary Softwoods – Annual Flowers in Color

It should come as no surprise that I listened to A LOT of ambient this year, and to me there was no better electronic record to chill the fuck out to during this insane year than Annual Flowers in Color.  I absolutely loved Emeralds’ Does it Look Like I’m Here? and was devastated they never followed that gem (*wink*) up.  In the immediate aftermath of the demise of Emeralds Mark McGuire’s solo albums got a lot of attention, but apparently the person I really loved in Emeralds was Imaginary Softwoods’ John Elliot.  Annual Flowers in Color is like if Dead City’s, Red Seas, Lost Ghosts were waiting in the departure’s lounge of Eno’s airport.  At the heart of the album lies the 10 plus minutes of “Another First/Sea Machine.” I could listen to this song forever, and on some particularly WTF 2020 lakewalks I more or less have.  Chunky synths, arpeggios that drift off to infinity, ‘80s soundtrack nostalgia.  I could live in these Softwoods for the rest of my sonic days.  

4. Pottery – Welcome to Bobby’s Motel

In another moment of nostalgia for my college years, Pottery are a welcome return to weird ass experimental Canadian bands.  They don’t sound anything like the Unicorns, but in spirit Pottery kind of remind me of them.  I’ve spilled a lot of digital ink here and elsewhere bemoaning the fact that Pitchfork (or perhaps, me) isn’t cool anymore, and to me no band embodies this more than Pottery.  They take a bunch of fun disparate elements—Talking Heads dance art rock, periodic weird pitch shifted vocal effects, hazy deep purple style guitars, and Queen style machismo disco—throw them into a witch’s cauldron, and come up with something off the wall that sounds like nothing else but is also instantly familiar.  This is the type of thing Pitchfork would have been all over in 2007, but instead now they’re too busy chasing conde nast clout clicks.  Oh well, nothing gold can last. But enough negativity, this here is a celebration of the joy of new music, and no new band embodies that unbridled joy like Pottery.  Along with Fontaines DC, this is the band I wish I most could have bopped around to with a bunch of sweaty strangers in the 7th St. Entry or Turf Club.  You can just imagine the call and response vocals and funky grooves getting the people moving.  Oh well, hopefully we’ll soon all be rocking the vaccine, they can breeze through town, and I’ll be the first person on the dance floor embarrassingly pumping my fist a half beat behind the rhythm.  

3. Pure X – Pure X

To paraphrase Same Elliott in the Big Lebowski, sometimes there’s a band, and well, sometimes there’s a band.  For me this year, that band was Pure X.  I absolutely loved their debut Pleasure way back in 2011, when lo-fi reverb heavy slow guitar music (ie, Galaxie 500) was all the rage. Their follow up Crawling up the Stairs was so bad I didn’t even bother listening to Angel, though perhaps that also owed a decent amount to just how terrible the art on that record is.  (I’ve since remedied this mistake; turns out that record rules).  Being that as it may, I can’t particularly tell you what drew me in to this year’s self-titled album, a full nine years after Pleasure first graced the stage.  In one sense it’s probably because Pleasure is one those albums that just never went out of my rotation.  Whenever the fahrenheit tips past 90 and the walk to the bodega is a few blocks longer than you’d like, that record always hits the spot.  Maybe I just knew this was the record I needed this year.  Either way, from the first bars of “Middle America” I was hooked.  The guitars crash over you, but never in a threatening way. Rather, they envelop you like a weighted blanket, comforting you in their sonic embrace.  Nowhere is this more true than on “Fantasy,” easily my favorite song of 2020 (especially since this was a year entirely devoid of dance floor bangers).  If this album came out in 1999 rather than 2020 I would have hit the repeat button on my discman and listened to this song forever.  

2. Crack Cloud – Pain Olympics

Pain Olympics is the answer to the question that no one asked: what if Arcade Fire’s (back when they were good) communal uplift was paired with Gang of Four’s stark anthem’s of industrialism’s collapse?  While on first blush this might sound like your standard album of punkish fist pumping angst, from when the female vocals (sorry there are too many people in this band for me to be able to figure out whose who) come in on opener “Post Truth (Birth of a Nation)” Pain Olympics reveals itself to be a very strange animal (likely a unicorn of some sort), especially as little orchestral swirls creep into the mix, giving it an almost Judy Garland (in hell) quality.  This subtle genre pastiche is given its best effect on stunner “The Next Fix.” That song starts out as an elastic spoken-word call and response addiction rumination, at the minute mark it starts to segue into a vocoded chill raver, then some horns crop up out of nowhere, then a spoken word passage, then at the two minute mark a chorus of voices come in, doing their best Broken Social Scene in the truest sense of the phrase.  This is perhaps one of the strangest records I’ve ever heard, but what is strangest of all is just how beautiful it is.  Crack Cloud are not for everyone, but if you really give it a chance, the returns are limitless.  

1. SAULT – Untitled (Rise) / Untitled (Black Is)

You cannot tell the story of 2020 without SAULT, which is why this pair of records is here at the top, even if under the influence of sodium pentothal (lets be honest, veritaserum) I might lean more towards Pain Olympics.  In June, the “anonymous” London project put out Untitled (Black Is), and then quickly followed that gem up with September’s Untitled (Rise).  Perhaps more amazing still is that these two albums, released so close together, have unique personalities.  Black Is is more pop/R&B whereas Rise has a dancy, electr(on)ic feel.  I lean more towards the latter, but honestly, both albums are so overstuffed with amazing moments that it’s borderline unbelievable that one outfit could put out so much amazing music in such a short span.  While these records would chart high even if sung in Hopelandic, there’s no escaping the social import of the lyrics.  One need look no further than Black Is’s “Don’t Shoot Guns Down” for the 2020 dance party at the end of the world.  As if that weren’t more than enough, it finds its analogue on Rise’s “Street Fighter,” and that’s SAULT in a nutshell: two albums in constant communication with one another, and more importantly, with the state of the world.  Guns down.  Don’t Shoot.  Let’s dance.  

[ivyglow]

break a leg - but not literally - Mat Barzal NYI

Author notes: Better late than never, huh?! Thank you for the like and reblogs in the Up all night one shot, hope you guys like this one as much. Tell me if there are some grammar mistakes so I can correct, requests are open and feedback is always appreciated! 

Word count: 1.531

Request/summary: Could you write about Barzy breaking his leg? Poor bby is in a ton of pain but his gf is there for him and helps him with everything? Thanks so much

When Mat woke up that morning he was on cloud nine to look at his side and see y/n. The season had started and so the away games which made the contact between the couple a little less than the usual. But being in this relationship for 2 years teach them some tricks to be together like the one in this week, where y/n was able to get the most part of her stuff done at college and some days off from work to travel with the team at least for one game.

And that’s the game where Mat was giving all his effort, coming from a loss against the Maple Leafs he was decided to win tonight and so far things were doing OK since whenever he felt nervous he would spot her pretty smile in the middle of the crowd. 

Y/n was wearing the orange and blue shirt with Mathew’s number in the back, curly strands of hair eventually coming to her face, although never taking away her attention, so when Mat and Anders got close to the net she and some of the others Isles fans were already up. What they were not expecting was to things got out of control when a player from the Rangers bumped into Mat and suddenly his body was shoved in the direction of the boards, half of him taking the net from the place, puck getting lost in the mess of people around the ice and then the dead silence from everyone including the crowd. 

She can almost count the seconds after when everything looks like a slow-motion movie scene and her boyfriend doesn’t get up. His body facing the ground, his stick not even close to his hands and everyone knew he wasn’t asking for it when his palm hit the ice repeatedly and he takes off his helmet. 

Just like this, the game comes to a stop. 

Anders crouching down beside his teammate and screaming for people to bring the doctors, voice being heard easily throw the dead silence in the arena while two Rangers players skate do the bench and bring their own doctor as fast as they can. It turns almost impossible to see Mat in the sea of players and staff members around him, she doesn’t know how much time passed until he was being lifted and placed in a stretcher. Y/n’s eyes start to glisten with tears and before she could give one more step out of her seat space Tito is in the glass making a sign for her to go to the dressing room. 

Dizzy and almost crying she starts walking towards the entrance of the place already listening to Mat frantic sounds of pain. 

“Mathew!!” she whisper-screamed stopping by his side. The doctor and staff taking off his shin pads while he sighed. 

“This shit hurts so much” he was able to speak properly while reaching for her hand to hold. 

“I’m here, I won’t leave, It’s okay” she tried to calm him down, his eyes were as glisten as hers and thought he was the one feeling the pain she could sense the ache in her heart. 

But right now y/n knew she needed to pass some kind of confidence to her boyfriend, everyone around was already losing their heads and they weren’t even sure what the hell of injury was. 

His face was red and the veins could be seen through his neck. 

“It’s broken, we’ve gotta run the hospital as fast as possible” the old man finally said receiving a nod from the other doctor in the room.  

 “Fuck!” Mat muttered. “Don’t leave, don’t leave, please” he begged while gripping her hand tighter. 

Y/n wasn’t aware of how much it hurts, but she would easily change place with him so that she wouldn’t need to look at his painful face. 

“Babe, I won’t leave. Breathe, you need to breathe, ok?” 

He nods and it takes less than five minutes to the room starts to empty once the ambulance was already waiting for them. Once again she was by his side while paramedics work their magic so Mat would feel less pain. 

…

The next day when Mat woke up he wasn’t that happy with the image around. His leg was held up in the air with a white cast around it, he was dressed in hospital clothes and y/n wasn’t sleeping by his side as obvious. She was sitting in an uncomfortable position at the small couch in the room. 

She spent the night?! He questions himself before trying and failing to sit, letting out a groan of pain. 

“Mathew?! You’re awake. Want me to call the doctor? Are you feeling better??” y/n’s light sleep were interrupted and she was fast to jump beside his bed. 

“I...I’m okay, yeah, it still hurts like hell but not as bad as last night..” he reached for her hand and before she could say something else he started again “speaking of night, you slept on that couch?! Babe, you should have just laid here with me or I don’t know, went to the hotel and get back early in the morning.” 

She shakes her head no and bends down to plant a kiss in his cheekbones. 

“I told you I would not leave you alone. Also, it’s impossible to sleep in peace knowing you’re in the hospital, c’mon” 

He wasn’t able to contradict her knowing she was right.

“You’re hungry??”

“Starving” he sighs and she smiles.

“I’m gonna call the nurse so she can bring your meds and breakfast and buy something for me in the canteen” 

“No Cheetos and Soda...actually, you ate something last night, babe?!” Mat asks and y/n looks away dodging the question and leaving the room, she knew he would flip if she told him she wasn’t capable of eating nor drinking anything. 

Y/n called the nurse and bought her breakfast (some fruit salad and a big cup of coffee), eating a little too fast and right after walking back to his room.

They spent the rest of the day at the hospital, Mat occasionally watching the game he was supposed to attend today and pouting about the loss of the other night. Quoting him “I broke my leg and we didn’t even win”. It was almost midnight when he received permission to go home and so as tiring as it sounds they went to the hotel only to get their stuff and head straight to the airport, Mat needed the comfort of his home and so did y/n and since the doctor was okay with the short flight there was nothing holding the couple back. 

…

One week into the healing process and Mathew was already wanting to stand up, do stuff, give y/n some headache of worry. In the first days, he enjoyed to stay in bed as long as his girl was with him, but when y/n needed to work and go to classes he would be like a lonely puppy requesting her the second she stepped in the door. 

Their favorite playlist was playing while y/n prepared dinner and his meds, Mat had an appointment the next morning so he could start physiotherapy and have a better clue about his healing time process. He was supposed to be in bed and don’t put his foot in the ground at any cost, but there was Mathew jumping in one foot to the kitchen until he reaches the stools. 

“Mathew Barzal!! You know you can’t keep walking around like his, damn babe…” she sighs.

“I didn’t want to be alone in the bedroom” he looks at her cutting onions and gives his best smile.

“You’re such a baby” 

“I’m not into this kind o kinky, but we could try...I mean, I always thought you would prefer me as dominant you know, that daddy kinky stuff.” he jokes.

Y/n laughs out loud and he feels warm inside being the reason for her happiness and finally able to see her relax.

“You’re a walking joke!”

“Still you love me”

She rolls her eyes playfully and keeps preparing dinner.

“You know, I was wondering…” Y/n starts out of the blue.

“Mhmm”

“Last week when I told you ‘break a leg’ at the game, I didn’t mean it literally” 

“C’mon, you’ve gotta be kidding me” he suppresses the laugh at her terrible joke and huffs.

“I’m gonna have to remember myself not to use expressions with you, I mean just imagine I’m telling you that I killed two birds with one stone and you actually believing I killed innocent animals.” 

“Who’s the walking joke now huh?!!” he rolled his eyes and she ran to plant a kiss into his rosy lips. 

They laugh softly between the kiss and y/n holds his face close. The atmosphere got hot, but before y/n could say something Mat was faster to notice it was the food in the pan. 

“If you didn’t check the stove now we’re probably burning this place down and I mean it like literally” is his turn to joke.

[the-devil-herself]

Never Enough - Chapter 2

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 2 DESCRIPTION: Certain mates of Jotuns receive soulmate marks on their bodies. What happens when Loki’s mark is found on a girl with immense power? RATING: M NOTES/WARNINGS: Also available on AO3! The link is here as requested.  Please give me some feedback if you can, I love the inspiration it gives me. Also let me know if you want to be tagged! I’m going to post the first 22 chapters of this story over the next few days, and, hopefully, I will find my muse to write more.

TAGGED: @kneel-before-queen-loki

Present Day

Bang! Bang!

I let out a frustrated groan. I knew who it was. "I'll be out in a minute!" I yelled back. The banging only stopped for a minute before it began again.

Tony had been trying to get me out of my room all morning. He started this obnoxious banging since 5 am, and there was no way in hell I was actually waking up that early. The only thing I was told was that there was a "family meeting" happening soon. A lot of the Avengers would be back from missions so we needed to be prepared to start as soon as they returned. They still hadn't shown up, but I could tell they would be here soon.

Bang! Bang! Bang!!

Tony's knocks were getting louder. I quickly put on a pair of pants and opened the door to a very agitated billionaire. "What the hell Tony?" I exclaimed, walking right past him. I checked the clock in the kitchen and saw it was 7 am. "Tony," I groaned as I started making myself breakfast, "it is a weekend, and I had perfectly relaxing plans for sleeping all morning. What is so damn important?"

Tony crossed his arms over his chest and simply stood there. He maintained an annoyed and frustrated glare at me as I pulled out the bowls and spoons. I finally stopped what I was doing and stared back, but he wasn't moving. I threw my arms up. "Alright!" I gave up. "What is it?"

"Thank you for finally crawling out of your cave to join us, Dana," he snarked back. I ignored him, though, and focused on my cereal.

However, when I turned around and looked at the living room behind the kitchen counter, I saw why he was so pissed. All the Avengers were sitting on the couches, looking straight at me. I couldn't tell if they had been waiting for a while, but I prayed it wasn't long. Thor was seated by himself in one of Tony's comfortable chairs, grinning at me like always. No one else looked amused.

"Dana! We've been waiting for you," Thor greeted me. He was oblivious to the annoyance of the other members at my tardiness and came up to me for a huge hug. I held him tight, having missed him for all these years.

"What are you doing here?" I inquired incredulously.

Thor laughed and walked me over to the couches where the rest of the team sat. Everyone seemed to relax a bit more at seeing my reunion with Thor. "I'm here to see old friends, of course!"

I didn't believe him. "But I haven't seen you since..," I drifted off, knowing mentions of that day were probably still too raw for him,"..since New York."

Thor's eyes clouded for a moment. Regret, pain, mourning, and anger all passed through his face in a matter of seconds, but I still saw it. He caught himself and returned to his usual friendly smile. He responded, "It indeed has been way too long, but now it seems there are things we need to discuss. All of us."

I turned to the others, but they too seemed confused about what he was talking about. All except Tony. He just continued looking pissed, and I had a reason to suspect it wasn't just because of my stubborn behavior earlier. He refused to sit down, choosing to stand by the couch were Natasha and Steve sat quietly. He had been uncharacteristically silent during the whole interaction as well, which was always a cause for concern.

Bruce was the first to break the silence. "Thor, what's going on here?" he asked the question on all our minds.

Thor sighed and smiled at me one more time before beginning. "My... brother," he started, causing everyone to tense up, "has spent years in Asgardian prison."

"Where he belongs," Clint piped up. He was sitting on the floor at Nat's feet, exhausted from having just returned from a mission.

I shot Clint a glance warning him to be nice. Yes, Loki destroyed half of the city, but Thor still cared for him deeply.

Truth be told, I wasn't around when the battle was fought. I was tucked up with my family in a completely different state. We watched it all happen on TV like most others did, staying up all through the night to make sure the enemies were defeated. However, I did experience something weird then. Days before the battle, my secret mark began to burn again. Gradually, but enough to gain my attention. Then, when I saw Loki on the TV, my wrist began to burn again like it had in New Mexico. I had to excuse myself and place my arm in cold water for half an hour before it faded.

My mark hasn't burned like that since.

Thor gulped, dragging our attention back to him. "Yes, I understand, but it seems my mother has pleaded with the Allfather for these past years to give Loki a chance to... rehabilitate." Multiple scoffs were given from around the room. "Odin has agreed."

"You can't be serious?" Steve demanded. "He killed hundreds, destroyed half the city, and brought about an alien invasion that we're still cleaning up after!"

"Steve," Thor said quietly. "I know. But I cannot defy an order from Odin." Steve backed down. It had been clear since we met him that Thor's father was a king that was not to be disobeyed. With Thor's former banishing, we knew he meant business. "And he is also my brother. He got sucked in to evils beyond our understanding, but I can get him back. I can bring him back again."

"How exactly do you plan on doing that?" Nat questioned.

All eyes were on Thor.

He couldn't look at us back. Instead he gazed at the carpet. "Thor?" I pushed. "Where is Loki?"

Thor eyes turned soft when they found mine again. I could see that same sadness in him that I saw seven years ago. His life was completely different to what he had planned, and his family was torn apart. Finding out your parents lied to you about your brother's heritage for your whole life along with realizing that same brother wanted to kill you was probably taxing.

"It has been requested that he is sent here."

That's when the screaming started. Clint started shouting about how Loki should be dead for his crimes. Steve and Tony argued about whether this was even a plausible idea. Nat tried to calm Bruce down before he had an anxiety attack. Thor stayed silent.

As did I. I continued to sit there and look at Thor. He looked so resigned. His eyes were shut, not wanting to witness the scene before him. The stress had taken a toll on him, and he had no support left. I grabbed his hand and held it between mine, but he didn't move.

"He's a murderer!"

"He'll be dead the minute he steps foot on Earth anyways..."

"... Fury would never agree..."

The fights weren't stopping.

"Tony," I spoke firmly. Everyone stopped to peer at me. "Tony, we have to help Thor."

No response.

"Guys, we can't leave this for Thor to handle alone. The Avengers have a responsibility to protect this world, and maybe, giving Loki a chance to redeem himself is a way of protection. I mean look at what he did in New York. It took six of you to defeat him! He's powerful, he's clever, he has allies and enemies across the galaxy. We don't really want another attack coming from him, do we?"

Thor finally cracked a smile again, silently thanking me by holding my hand a bit tighter. He had needed help all these years, but he never asked. He was always helping us, but now it was time to help him.

Tony considered what I had said for a moment. Although, Clint did not budge. "Dana, you don't know this guy. He's pure evil. I killed friends because of him!"

I released Thor's hand and stood up from my seat. "Do not dare to assume I don't know this man," I snarled, "because you would be wrong. I have met him- in New Mexico. And I saw it all. He's a powerful being, and, guys, we need him as our ally now more than ever. We've been experiencing increases in alien attacks and supernatural occurrences ever since. We could use a magic-wielder like Loki on our team."

Clint and Nat still thought it was all nonsense, but it appeared that I had gotten through to Tony and Steve. Bruce was still cautious.

"She's right," Steve spoke up. "We need more help. Each day new alien tech is invented, and people are now getting access to advanced weapons that we can't outgun."

The whole team silently agreed with what he was saying, but Clint still looked furious. It was expected though, since Clint was the only team member to have been made to kill other agents by Loki's scepter. He had moved on and recovered, but we all knew how hard it was for him to even think about that day and what he did.

"Clint, my dear friend," Thor uttered. "Would you believe me if I said that you were not the only victim of manipulation that day?"

This was news to us. Clint's eyes softened a bit, but his muscles were still tense.

Thor continued, "Loki has admitted to us that he was not in control that day... that a mad Titan had tortured and exploited him for about a year before New York. The monster, Thanos, found him when he fell from the Bifrost."

I sat back down next to Thor, processing all this new information. Everybody was taught that Loki was a bad guy and nothing more, but now... this changes everything. He was being used.

Before anyone could respond, Thor muttered, "I've seen the scars.... He tells the truth."

Scars. I could only imagine what kind of physical and mental pain Loki must have been through to have been convinced to invade Earth. Especially when Loki was no mortal man, but a god who had been raised to endure massive amounts of pain.

"It's decided then," Steve said, getting a supportive nod from Tony. "He may come here."

"But!" Tony interrupted. "He gets one chance, Big Guy. He does something, says something, even thinks of something that harms or jeopardizes others, he is gone."

I could see Thor let out a big sigh of relief. A big portion of his tension and stress rolled off his body now that he finally had help in supporting his brother. No one else looked very happy about it, but we could all see it was what needed to be done. And that was that.

Loki was coming.

[rocohen20]

He Knew He Fucked Up- Part 5

Hi everyone, I’m back! I’m here with another part. I advice you to check this Blog Update that I posted, this post also informs you on my plan for this series. I hope you’ll love this part. 

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Series Update, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

~~~~~~

Jamie woke up early, much earlier, than what was expected out of him on the morning of the season opener. He tried to fall back asleep once he saw the time. Yet the same nervous energy which woke him up, now has kept him wide awake. He tried to switch positions while breathing calmly and keeping his mind as blank as possible. Half an hour later he gave up and started doing what he always did when he couldn't fall asleep- strategize about his next move in life while reading his "To Do List/ Improvements in Life" note.

 He started writing the list shortly after Tyler caught him sleeping with Tyler's then girlfriend of eleven months- Zoe. His memories of that night weren't the greatest. What were kept however played nonstop in his mind, like game highlights.

 First was the text he got from his ex-girlfriend- Julie, telling him to go grab his remaining stuff from her place. That text infuriated him so much, and he still loved her so much that he didn't want to think for the rest of the night.

 The next picture was of Zoe in front of him, trying to counsel his sad drunk ass. From that it jumped to him kissing Zoe, desperately, like it would help him get over the situation in his life.

 The next moment was the most important part, the part that had haunted him for months ever since. He remembered still being busy with Zoe, feeling good while doing it when suddenly he felt Zoe tensing all over. Concerned, he searched her face for any clue as to what was wrong. However her face was white as a sheet and stuck in the direction of the door. So he followed her gaze, and caught Tyler's frame.

 For a few seconds, which felt like forever, all three of them were stuck exactly as they were while remaining eye contact. He stared at Tyler's face as his eyes started watering, his face stuck between hurt and sad. Then, Tyler's sudden movement of turning around and without a single word just walking away broke the spell. In seconds Zoe grabbed the blanket that was set aside, covered her body and followed Tyler's footsteps. Jamie remembered Lying in his bed, hearing the front door slammed and thinking of a word to summarize the situation- "Fuck".

 Following the faithful day Jamie was unable to set foot in his own bedroom for months without feeling like the scum of the earth. So in response he just sort of moved to his guest bedroom. The guest bedroom wasn't as comfortable as his own room, so he had problems sleeping. On one of those sleepless nights he just took a look at his entire life, critiquing every habit he had and thought about a way to improve. When he finished with it he wrote the list of what he needed to immediately do in his life.

 Now, on this fine morning he contemplated his next move. The first thing on his list he already scratched. He took his time to be sure that it was done before scratching it, but during the team's rush in preparation for the season Jamie was sure that he indeed solved the situation among them.

 The next thing wasn't so easy. He stared at the "Moving to a new place" with self-doubt on whether he would follow suit on it. At the time of writing the list he knew that this house would forever remind him of his mistake, and in order to improve and be better he needed to forgive himself and move on. The problem with that was that Jamie was a hockey player- he liked to keep a grudge and he liked self-inflicted torture.

 The last few days were filled with practices and preparations for the season, but it was also filled with lots of staring at the list and even of getting a phone number of a good realtor from a friend. Yet, he still hadn't made the call.

 He stayed in bed until he had to get up. He ate breakfast and got ready for practice. At the rink he tried to be focused solely on the present and the game later on the day. He liked their team and was excited for the season. On his way back from the rink he decided to call the realtor in a matter of days, if they would win.

 They lost.

 Jamie was already mentally prepared for the phone call with the realtor, so he bet once again on the same deal on their second game of the season.

 They lost again.

 Following the lost, his superstitious side screamed at him for jinxing the games. So he decided to make the fucking call on the two days leading the next game.

 +++

 When he got off the phone call with Joanne River, a realtor from some popular real estate company, he needed a minute to chill. Just from this phone call alone he knew that she wasn't messing around. She orchestrated a full on conversation with him, including building a solid game-plan which took in notice their individual schedules, while preparing what he assumed was a house for visitors.

 He was kind of intimidated by her however he was happy that she agreed to help him. She told him that for the next week and a half she would be too preoccupied to really draft him houses and places to check. Yet after that she would be free to seriously work on it and to send him whatever she'd find.

 So he just moved on, focusing on the season. They won more than once and he was happy. He also tried to stay away from Seggy's business. They were friends again, and things were fine on the ice. However, Segs told him to trust him and not look into his whole situation with Emma, so he did just that. Everything he heard thus far on Emma and Tyler wasn't much. Mostly about how Emma was currently looking for a job as an accountant and if anyone on the team heard something they need to report to Segs about it. Apart from that the guys started to chirp Tyler about his and Emma's weekly "Date night". Tyler never denied the allegations so Jamie assumed it was true. Deep inside Jamie stuck to the mantra "As long as Tyler's happy, I'm happy" and hoped for the best.

 +++

 True to her word Joanne started to flood his e-mail with listing for whole sorts of houses. At first he felt overwhelmed by the never-ending list of potential new places, but then he and Joanne entered this smooth groove of her sending him an option, him telling her what he liked or disliked about the place, and her sending adjusted options. Finally they drafted a solid list of places for them to check in person after the "Canada Trip".

 The trip ended up being a bit disappointing, but he was still pumped about the houses.

 Every single house was a bust, well not a total bust, yet he wasn't fully sold on any of them. So they started their second draft of houses for him to check.

 +++

 At a team dinner in Florida, during a random pause around the table Spezz asked Jamie about the house hunt. Well more specifically on whether he liked the house on Spezz's neighborhood (Jamie asked him about the area).

 He was about to answer Jason, who sat two seats beside him, when Tyler asked "You're moving out?"

 Tyler shot him this unexplained betrayed look that Jamie didn't know how to interpret. Eventually he shot a dismissed answer along the likes of "Yeah, got tired of my house". That time he didn't wait for an answer and just turn to answer the original question. For the rest of the night he and Jason just continued to talk about the process.  Tyler didn't bother him since the original brush off, but he had a feeling it wasn't finished yet.

 +++

 The following day there was someone at his hotel room. When he checked to see who it was he found a nervous looking Tyler waiting to be let in. Jamie had manners, so he let Segs in. Jamie wanted to stall as much as possible whatever talk Tyler wanted to have, so he just stalled the time with making the both of them a tea. He stared at the kettle, as though it would make it boil faster. During this time he could see Tyler pacing back and forth on the carpet from the angle of his eyes. Once the cups of tea were made he pushed one at the direction of Tyler and led them both to the bed.

He knew Segs good enough to recognize that something bothered him, but he also knew him enough to know there was no point of pushing him, eventually he would tell you what he wanted to talk about.

 Once Tyler opened his mouth Jamie was surprised to hear the direct question of "Are you moving away because of what happened in the summer?"

 For a few seconds Jamie was at a loss for words. Then he drafted vague enough answer to not admit for the true reason. He was about to tell Tyler that when Tyler just started talking again.

 "You're about to tell me some bullshit response which I don't want to hear. So, I just want to tell you that if indeed the incident from the summer is the cause of that you shouldn't move out. I know you, and I know how you absolutely love your house. You shouldn’t punish yourself".

 With hearing the last sentence's phrasing he couldn't hold himself back, and let this absurd chuckle. Once he cooled down he started to talk, knowing that he needed to be honest with Tyler.

 "I would punish myself if I stayed living at the house. Ever since what happened I've been living in my guest bedroom. Apart from it being a smaller room, I have trouble sleeping soundly there. Ever since the end of the offseason, I've been in need for sleep for the sake of our jobs. So yeah, moving is a must".

 He looked at Tyler with hopeful eyes, but when he saw the bothered face of Tyler he sighed, knowing he couldn't escape from it, and continued with the explanation.

 "Also, I want to be a better person, the kind that would never act the way I did. One of the steps I have to do in order to follow that is to move on and forgive myself. It's hard to do so when I live at the scene of the crime day in and day out. That's why I'm moving out- for my sake and not yours".

 Tyler looked relaxed with Jamie's reasoning, yet he still looked bothered and like he had something important to say. Jamie was embracing himself for it, but after a long moment Segs just stood up, gave Jamie a noogie and told him in his most sincere voice "You're already a good person" and left the room. Jamie was stuck in his place for a long moment, trying to interpret what this reaction was. At last he decided to see it as Tyler's unique way of showing his support and approval, and Jamie was happy with it. Then he started to get ready for bed, and looked forward their next game.

[angrylizardjacket]

people change {Vince Neil}

@champagneandspice asked: hey! I adore your writing!!! could u please do a one shot but in the form of an article ? you’d be writing it as if you worked for people magazine or something like that. could u pls write ab the “speculated rumors” ab vince and I dating are true?? u could insert pictures or whatever u like. thank u <3

A/N: 2065 words. I love!! This style!! Of Writing!! also probably not what you were asking for, but i had fun and i hope you do too. i really sort of like this world/reader persona i’ve built?? i even added a few pictures for effect lmao. hope it’s enjoyable. i don’t usually do tags for one-shots but @cosmicsskies and @crazylittlethingcalledobsession asked and im too giddy to refuse.

WHAT THE F*** DO YOU THINK? - Mötley Crüe singer Vince Neil and Joan Jett & The Blackhearts newest guitarist Y/N Y/L/N spotted getting cosy after Crüe’s Atlanta show last Saturday? Does this hint at a collaboration between two bands, or is this more personal than professional? [Read more on Page 10...]

“What the f*** do you think?”

If you’re a woman working in or around the rock and roll music scene in the past half a decade, you’ve probably heard these words, or some variation of them, if you’ve come within a ten foot radius of the glam metal juggernauts Mötley Crüe; Nikki Sixx, Tommy Lee, Mick Mars, and their blonde, boyish singer Vince Neil. They’re crass by reputation, however this is unsurprisingly true to life, though if you were interested in reading an expose regarding the number of gigs they’ve done while high, or how many hotel rooms they’ve set fire to, there’s innumerable gossip rags and magazines covering those particular scandals, including at least two Rolling Stone articles in the past two years, and we’re not here to retell old stories. 

When attending their concert in Atlanta last week, which I highly recommend; if given the opportunity, and you enjoy their music, see Mötley Crüe live, they give an almost unparalleled live performance, in my humble opinion as a music journalist of almost a decade, I was fortunately privy to the moment that sparked debate and controversy within the rock music gossip sphere. After the show, while I was made to wait at the stage door, their manager Doc Mcghee was kind enough to invite me to the afterparty. There, at the stage door, restless fans were held at bay, young men in black leather pants, emulating their idols, young women in barely anything at all, there to catch attention and garner the same invitation that I had received, and when the band themselves appear, it’s as if the gates of Hell had opened; the screaming I heard, ladies and gentleman.

First through the doors is Mars, already looking like he needs a shot or a nap, and he dodges more than one bra thrown his way, giving me a longsuffering look as he passes. To be that exhausted by fame is on a level I can’t even begin to comprehend. He’s on the tour bus which will take us to the hotel bar for drinks almost before anyone else is even out of the building.

Next comes what the fans have affectionately dubbed ‘The Terror Twins’, Sixx and Lee, both carrying a beer each, followed by several very pretty women who head to the bus whilst the musicians take the time to say high to their fans, signing various body parts and generally taking the time to interact with the more hardcore of their following who were waiting in the cold night air. They’re enough of a distraction that one might have missed the final band member, Vince Neil, laying uncharacteristically low, and who had actually been preceded by a surprising figure; Y/N Y/L/N, the most recent addition to Joan Jett & The Blackhearts as their rhythm guitarist. 

And this, dear readers, is the moment I decide to write the first gossip piece of my life.

As someone who regularly set fire to the copies of Hollywood Star my then-housemate had been getting delivered to our apartment back when I first began my journalistic career, the idea of writing an article based on speculation about the sexual conduct of celebrities was an idea I rejected out of hand. I’d told myself I had integrity. 

But then my proto-punk loving heart betrayed me, as I recalled Y/L/N’s lyrics from my favourite song of her’s, Sucker Punch, ‘speculate / scream my name / my heart, my love, baby it’s a game / they call me heartless, fancy-free / as if anyone’s meant something to a girl like me’. Y/L/N has been credited as the sole writer for the single, under her band at the time, Nuclear Patricide, who had garnered a cult following that has been credited as an idol for Joan Jett herself. After the Nuclear Patricide’s split in early ‘83, it’s been relative radio silence from the writer and lead guitarist until Joan Jett & The Blackhearts announce her as their newest addition, and she’s been with them for almost two years since.

[ID: Stills from Nuclear Patricide’s music video for Sucker Punch, 1980, known for the appearance of then-break out star Jamie Lee-Curtis. Editor’s Note: Y/L/N did not appear in the music video herself.]

So, upon seeing Y/L/N trying to keep a low profile whilst exiting a gig she clearly was not playing at, without any of her own bandmates to keep her company, I must confess I began to wonder, to speculate about the nature of her relationship with Mötley Crüe. She’s adamantly and publicly denounced romantic relationships in her work and in her public appearances up until her split from her original band, so has anything changed in the past few years?

Back at the hotel, I find myself weaving in amongst groupies and fanboys. My dark jeans and leather jacket act as a camouflage in this den of debauchery; I’ve worn professional clothing to this kind of thing before, and it usually doesn’t go over well; if the band sees a reporter there’s a sense of immediate hostility in what’s meant to be a safe space, relatively speaking, however, I’ve found that blending in, and making it clear I’m not on the offensive makes them drop their guard enough that they’ll give an honest interview. 

At least until a pretty girl walks past.

Neil and Y/L/N are nowhere to be spotted as I finally take a seat with a table that has neither cocaine nor a woman on it, and once I’ve ordered a drink and looked over my notes, someone actually joins me of their own accord. It’s Tommy Lee, who, to my surprise, recognises me from the last time Crüe had played in town. 

He talks about the tour, about how exciting it’s been and how he loves Atlanta, but he’s losing focus very quickly, not surprisingly since his name is being called by other tables every few moments, and there’s a faint dusting of telltale white powder around his nose. He promises ‘see you ‘round’ [sic] and then he’s off again. However, it’s as he leaves that I spot Y/N coming from a room by the back of the bar, and I make my move.

Mars has, as I’ve been told, already retired for the night, Lee is up to his eyes in cocaine, Sixx already has his dick out under his table judging by the look of him, and Neil is surprisingly MIA, so Y/L/N is easy to spot as the odd one out.

Not nearly as f***ed up or strung out as the rest of them, I watch her order a jack and coke, and down the drink mere moments after receiving it, before she turns to me. It takes her barely a second before she correctly identifies me as a reporter. I ask if she remembers meeting me, back in ‘82, she says no, but that she can pick a reporter from a mile away. 

People still fawn over her, pretty girls and pretty boys alike, her aloofness drawing them in, and I’d forgotten how overwhelming it was to be this close to her. She kicks a fanboy and a groupie who are messily groping each other out of a booth and we take their seats.

This is meant to be about Mötley Crüe, and I try to tell her as such, but she just gives me a thin smile.

“Then why did you come find me?”

And she gives me that stare, you know, the one from the cover of Nuclear Patricide’s final album, Treason Is A Girl’s Best Friend. It’s that piercing stare of hers that makes you feel like she knows everything you’ve ever done wrong in your life. 

I ask about her relationship with Mötley Crüe, and to my relief she looks away.

She’s candid about admitting she’s travelling with them, but not touring, right up until I ask her about her relationship with each member of the band specifically.

“Mick’s fun; he’s very talented and easily riled up. They’re all very talented of course, but Mick’s dynamic, [because] of his age and everything, is interesting within the group [sic] and I enjoy watching it all play out. He’s smacked Tommy a few times.” I’m assured that nine times out of ten he deserved it. 

She’s filled with glowing praise for both Sixx and Lee in turn, and even Doc Mcghee, but Neil she is oddly silent about. He’s the first of the band she’d met; he’d seen her play a few times with The Blackhearts and has admitted to enjoying her work in previous interviews when she’s been brought up, as the pair have been spotted together before. Well, she’s been spotted with the band before. Here is where she starts, to my surprise, to get antsy. So the rumours, which I had thought to be incredibly false given her history and general attitude, have more basis than she likes to let on.

And then she gets defensive.

He’s like cocaine; everyone’s doing him, it’s just the industry; no-one’s going to judge her for a fling. She does not appear to take comfort in the sentiment.

“People change.”

I ask her what she means. She refuses to clarify and leaves. Perhaps I pushed too far, but now I feel like a detective, and like I only have one more person I need to talk to. But perhaps I should have eased myself into talking about Y/L/N to Vince himself, but I’ll have to admit, between Y/L/N leaving and finding Neil, I may have done a bit of socialising with Sixx, which I recommend recreationally, and also if you have a high tolerance for most things.

“I don’t think we’re any of your f***ing business.” 

Neil does not mess around, and apparently she’d already spoken to him about our earlier meeting. I leave it be, spend the night enjoying the festivities with Sixx and Lee when I can, leaving just before the sun comes up. 

Some of you may be thinking this is dissatisfying, that you came into this article wanting me to confirm or dismiss the speculated relationship between Vince Neil and Y/N Y/L/N, but I can’t. Neither of them would speak to me, and I can only leave you with a list of things I saw that night, and you can make up your own mind.

- The room Y/L/N had exited from when I first spotted her is the same room Neil left less than five minutes later as we were talking. I went to investigate later; it’s a supply closet.

- After my encounter with Neil, and I’d stayed clear of them, whenever I would spot either of them, the other was almost always within arm’s reach. Make of that what you will.

- He definitely did a line of coke off her thigh at about three in the morning.

- I asked both Sixx and Lee about it. Lee’s response was ‘loud’ with something akin to a knowing smirk, and Sixx’s was ‘he’s a lucky bastard’ and when I ask him to clarify he just says ‘flexible’ and climbs to the next booth over where they’ve been asking him to do a line; I’m not even sure what to make of it, but personally I think it’s pretty damning.

- Readers, they were all over each other, I apologise for throwing my professionalism out the window for a moment, but if I’m being honest I couldn’t look to a secluded corner of the room without there being a 40% chance of seeing Vince and Y/N. It got worse as the night went on. Believe me.

So, while I don’t believe there is set to be a collaboration between Joan Jett and Mötley Crüe, I do come baring good news for those fans who had been speculating regarding Y/L/N’s relationship with the hair metal band’s lead singer. So are they together? Are they dating? Though neither party will publicly state anything, I’ll leave you with my thoughts, my observations, and the oft spoke words of the man himself;

What the f*** do you think?

[brendancorris]

Rise of the TMNT initial review

I gave my first thoughts on the visuals, creative choices, and general backlash from the community for Rise of the TMNT, the latest cartoon for the Heroes in a Half Shell back when they were first unveiled. As some may remember, I generally was positive and supportive of the new direction. There were some changes I was a bit unsure about, but generally I was fine with it. 

Now, five episodes have been released to the public, and I’ve watched a bit. So, I feel, since I’ve been a hardcore TMNT fan for about 29 years, it only makes sense that I share my thoughts for any who may care.

Before I get to my overall opinion of the show, though, I would like to go over each aspect individually. Let’s start with one of the most controversial topics - the art style and animation. I feel the need to once again highlight that they’re different things, as people always seem to forget this when talking about these topics. Animation is the movement exclusively. So, as for the art style, I like it. It’s very sharp, loud, and energetic. There is so much expression in the faces and bodies of every character. The action poses are wonderful. I especially love the expressions of Don. His eyebrows really add to his look, and his cocky, judgmental expressions add a lot of comedy to the character.

The designs are certainly different. Raph is ginormous, Leo has a fannypack, and so on. Honestly, I got over the designs very quickly. Again, the designs of the four turtles are extremely expressive, and it is nice to see so much variety between them for a change. As for other returning characters, Splinter will take some getting used to. Maybe if he didn’t look so much like a hamster I’d be fine with his design. I don’t really have a problem with his build, I just think that Splinter’s identifying long snout should have been in the design. But April, holy crap, I love this April design. She is so adorable. I was on the fence about her design originally, but once I saw her in action, it quickly became my favorite Rise design, only tied with Don’s.

As for the new characters, I have mixed feelings. A handful of the mutants have really cool designs, like Repo Mantis (my favorite), Hypnopotomus, and Meat Sweats. But then there’s other new characters like the lead villain, voiced by John Cena, who I just feel has a very generic modern cartoon villain design. He looks like a throw away villain in a comedy sketch parodying Saturday morning cartoons. I’m also not a fan of that catdog thingy April has. It looks like a Pokemon. Doesn’t belong in TMNT in my opinion.

But the animation is pretty gorgeous. It does get very choppy sometimes, which I honestly do find a bit disorienting since at other times, the animation is beautifully fluent and alive. I do wish the animation almost always stayed that fluent, but I understand how extremely time consuming animation can be, especially when working with such highly detailed characters, and considering that when the animation is fluent, it’s REALLY good, so I cut them a break. The action scenes are truly amazing to watch. The backgrounds are also very stylish, colorful, and just nice to look at.

While I do think the 2012 show was an amazing TMNT series, I did always find it a bit visually lacking. So I’m glad to see this one do the visuals so well.

Now, I guess I’ll talk about the writing, plot, and characters. As all of you likely know by now, we do not see the origin of the turtles or how they met April. While I can definitely understand why they would leave this out from a marketing standpoint (no reason to make a new TMNT show with limited episodes for preview and just go through the same story we’ve seen 100 times and give us nothing new to look forward to) I do hope we see it eventually. It is a pivotal part of the TMNT world, and is especially necessary now that this is a brand new TMNT for a whole new generation, and is reinventing the lore in many ways.

The show, obviously, is geared more towards smaller children, which I’m totally cool with. Not only did TMNT bring me a lot of happiness at that age, but I also like to see more franchises for kids. There seems to be a big push for cartoons to be more “adult” these days, but I still feel lots of them should be for kids. We live in an age where toys and cartoons are being primarily made for adults. Kids need media too, and TMNT has proved extremely popular with little kids for 30 years. The show still manages to be legitimately funny more than I expected, and, honestly, has a lot of wit and sarcasm that will likely only tickle the older audiences.

The story-telling is a bit all over the place and ultra-fast-paced, but it’s pretty good, again, with the child’s perspective in mind. It has a lot more action than I think most of us thought, and that is done really well. The characters, however, seem to be another huge point of controversy among the fans. My personal favorites so far are Don and April (yes, same two favorites as physical designs). Don’s such a smug brainiac and April’s so feisty and spunky, it’s adorable. But many things like Raph being the leader, Leo being the cool hot shot, and Splinter being seemingly a lazy couch potato, have a lot of fans in a frenzy. I will admit, Leo being a hot shot smart ass is still taking me time to warm up to, and Raph does feel odd as a leader. There doesn’t really seem to be any reason for the Turtles to have him as the leader other than the fact that he’s the biggest. 

However, it does seem obvious that they are working up to something. The turtles, quite amusingly, are terrible ninja at the start of the show. They’re clumsy, inexperienced, and just horrible at making plans. There does seem to be a running theme of Raph’s plans being awful and Leo’s working. It does in fact seem like they are starting off more fresh, then evolving towards a more familiar setup. Even the presence of Foot soldiers implies the coming of Shredder possibly. And that brings me to my only real concern.

While I know this show is not being made for 87 shellheads like myself, I do kind of wish there was more TMNT material in the show. It seems to be trying as hard as it can to stray from traditional TMNT series that it could end up straying too far to the point of it being irrelevant to the franchise. I’m all for changes, all for new art direction, all for new characters, all for character re-imaginings, and so on, but it would be nice to see some returning aspects, like Shredder, Baxter Stockman, Rat King, Casey Jones, the Technodrome or some of the Turtles’ famous vehicles. I would absolutely love to see how Rocksteady and Bebop would look in this style too.

I’m a bit iffy about the episodes. I don’t think they’re bad, but the pacing in some is a bit all over the place, and one episode in particular seemed like a tired premise. The episode I’m referring to has the Turtles in a Chuck E. Cheese’s type locale with an evil animatronic bear coming to life and battling them. If this sounds familiar, you’ve either played Five Nights at Freddy’s, or, more specifically for my argument here, have seen the episode of Gravity Falls, “Soos and the Real Girl”. It was one of the most popular and funny episodes of the Disney XD cartoon, but it seems to be a premise that is continually done in modern cartoons. Just last year, the 2017 Duck Tales (which, although pretty good, I feel pulls a little too much inspiration from Gravity Falls) did a story involving a Chuck E. Cheese setting, and now Rise is doing it as well, with pretty much the same twist Gravity Falls did. While it is a funny premise, I do wish cartoonists would avoid doing it so often as it’s already been done successfully before.

So let’s get to the bottom of this. How do I feel all around? I think it’s pretty good. Like I said, it’s not my turtles, but my turtles had the entire late 80s and early to mid 90s already. It had its time, made me and thousands of other kids happy beyond reason, and made the franchise as big as it is today. It did everything it needed to do. I’m happy to see new generations get their own new forms of TMNT. I’m just glad that my favorite franchise ever is not only still relevant, but still a quality product, too. Simply put - I support Rise of the TMNT.

Still hoping we see some more classic characters and tech show up, though.

And pretty soon, yes, I’ll address a certain Netflix reboot of a series near and dear to me that has been making A LOT of noise on the internet lately. Until then, check out the available episodes of Rise if you haven’t already and decide how you feel about it.

[inquisitivewordsmith]

Action/Adventure Streaming Cartoons!

Hey, so Voltron: Legendary Defender recently ended. Want to watch some more animated shows in the similar genre of action and adventure? 

The following is a recommendation list of some you can try out. Unlike my last “recommendation list”, (now renamed) this is an actual selected list of shows I either recommend or think look intriguing. So, not as comprehensive as that, but much more personal. 

For this list, I’ll be focusing specifically on streaming ORIGINALS, so no shows that aired on TV first. Also, again, I’m specifically focusing on action and adventure cartoons. So, no live action shows or cartoon comedies. There is one example that blurs the line at the end, but I’ll deal with that when we get there. ;)

Let’s begin after the cut!

Hilda (Netflix)

One of the surprise hits of this year (at least for me), Hilda is a series based on Luke Pearson’s series of children’s books of the same name. It follows the adventures of Hilda, a brave little girl who goes on adventures and meets up with magical creatures before having to move to the city of Trolberg. This cartoon is delightful, charming, and has this sense of mystery and mystique without actually setting up a mystery. I had a blast watching it with my younger brother, who was a fan of the books. 

Season one is out, with a season two scheduled for 2020.  

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (Netflix)

After Adora finds a mysterious sword in the forest, she begins to question the Horde, the empire she’s been working for in her whole life, and joins the opposing Rebellion as the legendary warrior, She-Ra. I don’t think I really need to recommend this one, considering how big it got. But yes, it lives up to the hype, some minor tonal issues aside. It’s a creative re-imagining of a beloved 80s cartoon classic. It’s very inclusive, has a great cast of likable and memorable characters, and hey, I’m actually a fan of the art style.

Season two is coming out soon, with at least a total of 52 episodes planned. 

Castlevania (Netflix)

Again, another cartoon I don’t think I need to recommend. This is an adaptation of the video game series that follows the efforts of Trevor Belmont, Sypha, and Alucard as they try to stop Dracula’s murderous rampage. The plot isn’t something too deep or exciting, but the gorgeous animation and art style, as well as the bloody, gory, fun, make it an exciting watch. I’m actually going to go against the grain and say that the shorter runs are much better. I don’t think this is the kind of show that should deal with a “full” season run, but that’s just me. 

Seasons one and two are out now, with a season three of 10 episodes on the way. 

Tales of Arcadia: Trollhunters and 3Below (Netflix)

Executive produced by Guillermo del Toro, Trollhunters follows the adventures of Jim Lake Jr. and friends as they are embark in a journey to save mankind, as well as the magical community underneath their town, from evil forces. Trollhunters admittedly starts out as a bit of a cliche storm, but it finds its footing along the way into something more earnest. It probably has one of the best series finales I’ve seen this year. I haven’t seen 3Below yet, but it looks fun. I’ll make some time for it.  

Seasons one to three of Trollhunters are out now, season one of 3Below is out now, and another spin-off, Wizards, is scheduled for 2019. 

The Dragon Prince (Netflix)

From Aaron Ehasz and Giancarlo Volpe, this series follows Callum, his brother Ezran, and elf assassin Rayla as they protect the egg of the Dragon Prince and try to bring peace between the humans, elves, and dragons. The animation is not everyone’s cup of tea, but it wasn’t an issue with me. The art style and designs are gorgeous and the characters are pretty likable. It does hit some of the tone issues She-Ra does, but that’s an area I think the show may improve on as we get deeper into the story and conflict. 

Season one is out now, with season two arriving some time in 2019. 

Stretch Armstrong and the Flex Fighters (Netflix)

Three teenagers develop superpowers after accidentally becoming exposed to experimental chemicals. The CEO of Rook Unlimited takes them on as corporated-sponsored superheroes as they fight a conspiracy in their futuristic city. Are you feeling nostalgic for 2000s teen hero cartoons? This show is pretty much a throwback to that. Some of the strengths in this show include the likable protagonists, some creative fight scenes, the occasional plot twist, the best plot pacing I’ve seen in a Netflix series, and the amount of effort put into the world building for what essentially started out as a novelty toy from the 70s. It also assembles one of my favorite voice casts out there, including my favorite of Steven Yeun’s voice roles. 

Seasons one and two are out now, with the interactive special, The Breakout, taking place in-between the seasons. I genuinely don’t know if there’s more episodes coming, but I’d like a couple more seasons, at least. 

All Hail King Julien: Exiled (Netflix)

This is a weird example because this is season five of what is a largely comedic series. In this special season, after season four’s cliffhanger, King Julien loses his kingdom, and he and his friends go on their own separate quests to put things back to normal. The season takes on a different genre than usual and is more of a big, epic adventure that parodies other adventures like Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones, and The Chronicles of Narnia. It’s ambitious and VERY bizarre towards the end, but it’s a fun ride. 

This season is out now, while the main series it comes from has five seasons out as well. This season takes place between seasons four and six. 

Kung Fu Panda: The Paws of Destiny (Amazon Prime)

A continuation from the film series, Po must teach four young pandas to harness their newfound powers to fight an evil, ancient master. If you’re a fan of the series, it’s worth checking out. The CGI is pretty good considering it’s for a TV series, the fights are decent, and the kids are actually pretty likable. The show does a good job keeping the tone of the movies, Plus, you get to hear Steve Blum ham it up as the main villain. That’s always fun. 

Season one is out now, with a season two heavily hinted to be on the way. 

Kulipari (Netflix)

A passion project from NFL player Trevor Pryce and based on his novels, it’s the tale of Darel, a young frog who sets out to rescue his village from an army of warmongering scorpions by recruiting back his idols, the legendary warriors known as the Kulipari. Yeah, the animation is...not great and the pacing and dialogue falter a bit, but I love the art and designs, how much it's inspired by Aboriginal culture, and just the grand ambition of it all. Also, another show that has a pretty great voice cast. 

Seasons one (Army of Frogs) and two (Dream Walker) are out now, with season three a strong possibility. There’s also a comic mini-series (Heritage) and an upcoming graphic novel (Warflower) that take place between the seasons. 

Niko and the Sword of Light (Amazon Prime)

Niko is a young warrior that is accidentally awakened too early. Despite their young age, he and Princess Lyra must defeat the sorcerer Nar Est and save the kingdom from the darkness that infects it. This Emmy-winning series skews a bit younger, but it’s still pretty entertaining. Niko is endearing as a brave, bold warrior of sorts in the body of a young boy. The art style and Titmouse’s animation look great, and once again, we’ve got Steve Blum as the main villain. 

Season one is out now, with season two coming in VERY soon. There is a one-shot comic based on the show. 

The Hollow (Netflix)

This is a show I haven’t seen myself, but the little I’ve seen and heard of intrigues me. The show is about three teenagers who wake up inside a shack in the middle of the forest, with no memories of how they got there or of each other. They work together to dig deeper into the mystery and escape their predicament. The premise sounds pretty interesting and I love the art style by Robert Valley. 

Season one is out now, with season two on the way for an unknown release date. 

Legend Quest (Netflix)

Based on the Mexican animated movies Las Leyendas, this series features Leo, a teenage boy who can communicate with ghosts, and works together with ghosts and other allies to uncover supernatural mysteries and stop the Aztec god Quetzalcoatl from destroying the world in a fit of rage. These past few years have seen Mexican-produced animation become more prominent, and I’m personally happy about that. The show itself is pretty amusing, especially once you get past the first episode that can’t decide if the show is reboot or a continuation from the movies. The myth arc takes place after that, and things gets more interesting from there. 

Season one is out now, with season two confirmed for an unknown release date. US Netflix USED to have the Las Leyendas movies it’s based from, but they don’t anymore, which is disappointing. They weren’t great, but they had a unique charm to them. They deal more with Mexican mythology, as opposed to the show’s globetrotting approach. 

Young Justice: Outsiders (DC Universe)

Yeah, this is one show that blurs the line. This is the third season of Young Justice, produced and available exclusively for streaming (at this time). However, the previous two seasons were made for cable before Cartoon Network cancelled it (and all action cartoons at the time). This show deals with the sidekicks and students of DC comics’s most famous superheroes, who decide to form their own group and surpass the expectations set by their mentors. This show has the perfect combination of great art, animation, plot, and writing. It manages to be serious without being depressing and is essentially a massive love letter to the DC Comics Universe as a whole. 

Seasons one and two, as well as the tie-in comic, are available now, with Outsiders coming out next month (as of writing). There is also a prequel one-shot comic to Outsiders coming out next month to DC Universe as well. 

[a-wonderingmind]

11, 16, 32 for the fic asks!

Hey nonnie! Thanks for the ask!

11. How do you come up with your fic titles?

Well, I found quite early on that I enjoyed, especially with fics from prompts, that I liked the idea of ‘dictionary definition’ titles; so a word and then it’s category - (n.) noun, (pl. n.) plural noun, (v.) verb, (adj.) adjective, etc. I found that the creative limitation forced me to think about the fic and what it was, what it was trying to say,and summarise it. 

Having a limitation on the title somehow is a general principle I still use as I have moved into being able to write longer, more complex pieces; though I do also have a penchant for the longer chapter titles one might find in early 20th Century adventure novels. (As an example, see When Your World Collapses Around You, or Jack gets in a spot of bother.) I  may have shot myself in the foot with my series Selected Affections though; I decided every title would have affections in it, but did not expect the SS Dousy to sail quite so enthusiastically, which has made it harder to keep the AU of a peggysous marriage plausible.

16. Do you research for your fics? If so, how deep of a rabbit hole have you gone down by accident when researching?

Moreso now I have more control over how I spend my time, and learned to trust my own writing ability. Honestly coming to uni to read History really helped, because I have access to a load of journal articles through that, and gained a understanding of the ‘lay of the land’, so to speak. Historical research seemed like looking for a needle in a haystack, but it got easier as I began to want to go deeper.

As to rabbit holes, oh so many. Just last week I spent an hour looking for brands of marmalade available in America for one line of my peggysous 2020 project. 

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from? 

“In sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, remember? I’m loving you, you lump.”

From Quiet, a peggysous one-shot I did way back when. Daniel deals with a depressed evening.

“Well it’s a good thing I fell in love with you and not your leg then, isn’t it,” she chuckled.

 From 4 times it was her fault, and 1 time it was his, me learning to string multiple scenes together! A look at the burgeoning peggysous relationship, told through the medium of Peggy’s abandoned teabags!

“You’ve been alternately out cold or spilling your guts to the nearest thing that moves for the last three days, you gorm.”

Peggy, to Jack after he wakes up from surgery in my ot3 fic We'll take what's afforded us. That title, by the way, is a recurring motif in the fic that almost made this list too.

[willswalkabout]

Peru part 3. Return to Cusco

Way too long coming I know, but oh well, I’ve been busy and lazy and the whole thing should be done within a week or so. Peru part 3 (Cuzco part 2), here goes.

I’d done my Machu Picchu expedition over the space of 3 days, which meant that upon returning to Cuzco I had no intention of trekking the very next day. This intention was far from fulfilled, as that evening I met Jaina and Kelsey, both travelling together from the US. They had very limited time in Cuzco with a flight to Lima on the Friday. Given they wanted to do Rainbow Mountain I decided it was better to do a bit tired with friends, than refreshed alone. We booked it that evening and took an early night, given the 430am meet time.

We reconvened in the dark, bleary eyed and hoping to get some sleep on the four hour trip to the mountain. We were told the first two hours of the ride, which took us to breakfast, were on ‘good tarmac roads’. Of course everything is relative, and it was still far too bumpy for me to get any kind of sleep. All the tours offer the exact same package, the only variables seem to be price and the quality of breakfast. We went with our hostel’s deal, which is definitely not always the best option. Breakfast however was excellent, certainly in comparison to some horror stories I’ve heard, of some stale/mouldy bread with a juice carton. We had Spanish omelette, frankfurters, toast, jam and coffee. I scoffed down as much as wouldn’t seem rude. There was then another two hours on a more treacherous road which Kelsey and Jaina enjoyed to a lesser extent. The drop to the right side was sheer, and plunged approximately 100ft by my reckoning. Eventually we arrived at the mountain which to little surprise, had been found by a few other tour groups before us.

I’ve learnt on the trip not to let this put me off. It usually means there are stunning views, and enough space to still get an Instagram where it looks like you’re the only person there.

It’s about 5km as I remember to the summit, and takes about two hours. It was the first time the altitude had really hit me, we were now at 17,000ft, with Cuzco being at 11,000ft. This made the hike pretty challenging, I drunk two and a half litres of water easily on the way up. The walk is made more frustrating by the fact you can pay about £15 to ride a horse up. The horses are for the most part dragged up the mountain by 5 foot tall Peruvian women. Neither the horses or their owners look like they ever get days off, and I really felt for some of the animals in particular who looked so worn down, every step was a struggle. The situation wasn’t helped by the fact most of the horses were ridden by overweight westerners. The other riders were a good few Asian tourists filming the entire ride on go pros. I’m sure a riveting watch for all the family when they return home. They don’t have a separate path, so you are constantly being made to give way to a plodding horse on its as it climbs up, or ducking out the way of a horse that is being made to canter down the hill riderless, to pick up its next rider. Saying all this the view from the top of the mountain is absolutely stunning. You can see for miles, and you have the entirely unique scene of the painted mountains. The last climb is the hardest, meaning it isn’t quite as busy at the very top, this bit is too steep for even the most alive of horses. We managed to walk down to a quieter spot to take a plethora of photos. Luckily we were one of the first of our group of around 20 to reach the summit, and so had a great amount of time to take it all in. Casually residing on the other side of the canyon to the rainbow mountains is Peru’s 4th or 5th highest mountain. Higher than any in the UK of course, it stood as an intimidating presence, and apparently has never been climbed.

I found the route down more challenging than that up. Although the path did undulate, I think this was more due to the pure accumulation of time spent so high up. By the time we finally reached the minibus all three of us were struggling with pounding headaches and lack of breath. More sleep was managed on the way back to the hostel where we pulled in at about 7.

We were all starving and so headed to a place called ‘Green Point’. It is Cusco’s only totally vegan restaurant. We mainly went because Kelsey’s vegan, they had been the day before. I was a little apprehensive, and they spent much time apologising in advance in case I didn’t like it. I couldn’t have been more wrong, it was some of the best food of my entire trip. I had the quinoa burger with sweet potato fries. It came with three different dips and was incredibly filling. We somewhat waddled back to our hostel after. We’d at one point spoke of going out that evening, but by this point none of us could move. I said my goodbye’s to Kelsey and Jaina, who had a flight at 7am the next day.

The next day was relaxed and very enjoyable, and really helped to validate the fact I had chosen to spend 11 days in the city. Myself and Alison found a bijou but delicious coffee place for breakfast with one of the prettiest menus I have ever seen.

I then spent the rest of the day chilling in the hostel, and I think writing the Chile blog. When it came to the evening, Liz, Alison and I went on somewhat of a bar/hostel crawl. We started at the Irish owned Wild Rover, which is way up on a hill, and would be horrific to walk back to late. I had considered staying at Cusco’s self proclaimed ‘best party hostel’, and this visit made me so glad I had stayed at the wonderful Ecopackers for my entire time instead. Wild rover involved lots of dancing on the bar, but I think the fact they chose to project scenes of people having a much better time at a festival, on a big screen, told you that it was incredibly forced. After little more than an hour there we moved downhill to Loki. Loki is also a ‘party hostel’ but is older and felt more genuine than Wild Rover. I also approved of the water gun that was capable of firing shots into the gaping mouths of revellers. It was fun and I think we met a few Americans there but they may have been Canadian, that then accompanied us to Cusco’s only true club, Changos. Changos was surprisingly good. It had a big space, a well organised but reasonably priced bar, and hadn’t completely sold itself out to the backpacker market, with a good percentage of locals in attendance. It was therefore somewhat frustrating that I had to leave Changos at 230am, to watch the final British and Irish Lions test. I say frustrating, but I’d been overwhelmed with excitement ever since the end of the second test, a week previous. Finding that my hostel had ESPN 2 South America earlier in the day, was one of the single greatest moments of elation I’ve ever experienced. I grabbed a kebab and jogged back to the hostel common room. It was pitch black with everyone either in bed, or out. I switched on the television, and to my relief it burst into life with the haka, albeit with Spanish commentary. I then plugged my phone in and made a WhatsApp call to dad, watching it at 8:30am at home. I made him pause and play his stream so that our game clocks were synced up, and he gave me the commentary down the phone. It was an incredibly cagey game, and when the Spanish adverts rolled on at half time I did fall asleep while still on the call. (Alcohol consumption + comfy sofa + 3:15am). At this point dad must have panicked, wondering if he’d be able to awake me from my slumber before the start of the second half. I think I woke up about the 47 minute mark, and only missed one penalty. The series ended in the most bizarre of fashions. A controversial tv ref decision saving the Lions, and committing the match to a tie. Both teams looked around not knowing whether to celebrate or fall to the ground in despair. The sides both had big opportunities to win the game within the last 20 minutes that weren’t taken. I dragged myself to bed, still overjoyed that I’d managed to watch the game live, 3 weeks after seeing the team in Rotorua, a town that couldn’t possibly seem further away. Three weeks felt like three months, in the best of ways.

The next day was fairly uneventful. Liz, Marieka and myself did some shopping, and got food at the market. I did find out that Marieka who is dutch, plays hockey to a pretty high level, and her dad is an ICC umpire. This provided a huge amount of conversation, to the point that to our fault, we almost forgot about Liz walking with us, and had to apologise profusely. A few others had got back from a hike that day, so I was glad to introduce more people to Green Point. There were so many items on the menu I was desperate to try, I really did not need an excuse. I had the stir fry this time which was fantastic, while others sampled vegan sushi, lasagne and a few Peruvian delicacies.

On Sunday I did a jam packed tour of the sacred valley with Liz, Alison and Marieka. Jam packed because we managed to find a version that basically fitted a day and a half’s tour into one. It meant a lot of jumping on and off the bus with little time to stop, but was what we wanted really. I don’t feel guilty in saying some of the ruins were far more impressive than others. I expect the ones I was least captured by, are the most fascinating for archaeologists. I loved the salt mines, and ruins at Ollantaytambo. The agricultural farming circles less so. The guinea pig farm at the start of the tour was also pretty cool. We left at around 530am I think, and the day was pretty tiring. When I got back to the hostel I ate there, and then met Luke (who featured in Santiago and Buenos Aires), and has one more appearance to come… He was staying with his dad in Cusco. There was a pretty impressive district wide power cut, which resulted in us all huddling round the fire. I also met Eliza, a law student from Brussels who had some pretty passionate views on the UK’s incompetence re Brexit, which was amusing and terrifying at the same time.

My final day in Cusco involved my best empanadas of the trip, and a visit to what wasn’t the monkey temple… An Irish guy who’s name I’ve forgotten was set on visiting this temple, however I’m pretty sure it’s a nickname and he definitely didn’t know it’s Spanish name. After a couple of taxi drivers looked back at us with blank expressions, one claimed he knew where to go and we piled in. He didn’t. He also only managed to take us halfway up the hill he was intending to, so we got out and enjoyed the view from what was still a decent set of ruins. That evening about 10 of us got dinner at, well, obviously, green point. I hadn’t had the Lentil burger yet! I won’t name everyone but there was a group of about 8 of us, all of which have multiple mentions in the Peru blogs who had dipped in and out of the hostel on tours, but who had generally stuck together. I loved having 11 days in a place with a great group of people. The dinner was a great way to finish my time in Peru, which I did love, and would love to return to. The next day I boarded a flight to Lima, and then onto Mexico City, but that’s for the next one.

[turtlesinreview]

TMNT Mirage Comics Issues 2-7

Since I read all these together I’m reviewing them together. I may or may not do this by arc or by issue in the future. I’ll see how it goes.

To me, at least so far, the closest thing I could think to compare the writing style of TMNT to is ‘If Axe Cop were written by grown men’. I don’t mean this as an insult in the slightest either. Eastman and Laird are a pretty clever and hilarious comic making duo, and these comics prove it. There’s this tinge of absurdist humor throughout the overall plot while the in-character humor is witty and natural. It has yet to feel like a chore to read, even the parts that are essentially expositions dumps.

Because those exposition dumps are fucking insane.

This is what I mean when I say it makes me think of Axe Cop. The plot gets more and more absurd with each passing page. It feels like the whole thing is taking you for a ride, but it also doesn’t feel like it has a horrible case of ADD either. The plot is always progressing, and there’s even a bit of downtime here and there to build up the characters. It’s great!

Where the style greatly differs from Axe Cop is about everywhere else. Like I said we get to know the characters a lot better. The mood is usually ‘gritty’ while still being clever and comedic, and while you may often find yourself surprised that something is happening, it never feels unnatural for it to happen. You go through the whole experience going ‘okay, this makes sense’, and there’s always a sense that what’s happening is a danger to the characters, no matter how ridiculous it may seem.

Essentially, the comic takes itself just seriously enough, making it a pretty enjoyable read, at least so far.

From this point on I’ll try to divide topics. I’ll keep writing out of the mix since I just went over it above, but I’ll add it in its proper place for future reviews/rambles. I’m still getting a feel for what I’m trying to do here.

Story

Let’s see if I can do this without going into ‘overly detailed’ territory. I have a bad habit of doing that.

The turtles, through watching TV, learn about these mobile mousetraps called mousers, which Splinter is concerned over since they’re apparently meant to rid the city of the rat problem. This means they may make their way into the sewers.

Turns out Baxter Stockman, the mousers’ creator, is actually using them in robberies around the city and plans to hold the whole thing ransom with his mousers. Apparently he was going to cause his own little 9/11 by destroying one of the twin towers. He tries to get his assistant April in on in, but when she refuses he tries to fucking kill her ass. The turtles save her and a new friendship is formed.

After Baxter announced his plan to the public, April and the turtles go back to his lair to stop him. There’s this tense moment where April and Donatello are trying to shut down a self-destruct program while the others fight off the mousers. They save the day and April becomes their buddy. The boys head back to the lair and that’s when shit really hits the fan.

After a bit of panic the boys get a hold of April and she agrees to house them. Due to some crazy-ass mixup the cops go after April’s van and a fucking insane chase scene ensues.

Afterwards the boys stay at April’s for what I think is a couple weeks if I remember correctly. We get a lot of nice little character scenes here. Anyway after fighting some rouge foot soldiers out for revenge the boys run into a building called TCRI and it induces a flashback in them.

They go to figure out shit about their past and find Splinter in the process. Unfortunately they ALSO run into some aliens and are accidentally teleported to another planet/dimension. I think it’s planet.

They meet a robot named Honeycutt who...well I posted a bit of his origin earlier. It’s convoluted and I love it. He can make a teleporter, but he refuses to because he doesn’t want it being used for evil. This leaves the turtles stranded and also means two opposing forces, the Federation and the Triceratons, are trying to get their hands on him for their own purposes. Chase scenes and a fight in a bar ensues.

Eventually the Triceratrons get a hold of Honeycutt and the turtles stowaway on their ship, where they somehow put themselves into a stasis via meditation where they don’t need oxygen.

I don’t think that’s how that works.

Anyway this results in them betting captured and put in gladiatorial combat. After they win the fight they hold the Triceraton ruler captive, but he gets stupidly shot down by his own men leaving them with no collateral. It works out fine though because they get teleported back to the TCRI building at just the right time.

On Earth April is worried about them, and apparently everyone saw the big ray of light the teleporter (or transmat as it’s called in the comics) let out when the turtles were sent to that far off planet. No one’s been able to get inside TCRI so the government has been called to storm the building.

The turtles are reuinited with Splinter and he and the aliens explain they they were just trying to get off the fucking planet. They explain their chemicals are what transformed them all into who they are today by accident, and it’s thanks to Splinter being a talking old rat that they ultimately didn’t destroy the turtles and even tried to bring them back. Okay so there’s more to it than that but I’m condensing it here.

The transmat needs to charge and be repaired again, but the government is starting to storm TCRI. Honeycutt and the aliens work on the transmat while the security system (with the help of the turtles if I recall) try to fend off against the feds so they don’t discover their alien allies.

The arc ends with the turtles and Splinter teleported into April’s tub, and I have no idea what became of everyone else.

Characters

One of these days I’m going to write a looooooooong essay about how much I enjoy the design evolution the turtles went other. Y’know, once I’ve seen enough of each series to warrant such an essay. I honestly think the turtles tend to look better with (almost) every iteration, and it should be somewhat obvious where I don’t.

I bring this up in this section and not the art section because in some parts of the comics I’m ashamed to admit I can’t tell which fucking turtle is talking when. While their voices are starting to become more distinct, the only way to visually tell them apart is what weapon they’re holding, or if they’re doing something a specific turtle would do.

A big example was before the bar fight. The first time I read it I assumed it was Michelangelo buying the beer, but upon rereading it I realized it’s probably actually Raphael.

But does that also mean Raphael was the one hitting on this space babe? Because that seems more like a Michelangelo thing to me!

Y’see, I assume THAT’s Raphael because I know that Raph’s the first one to use the ray gun, and I’m pretty sure he was standing next to Honeycutt at the time.

Of course in that panel Leo has moved to the other side of Honeycutt, so maybe they’re just relocating every fucking panel. The point I’m trying to make here is forgive me for getting the turtles mixed up sometimes. Especially Mike and Raph whose weapons I can’t use as stronger indicators to their identities.

Anyway, the returning characters, I.E. the turtles, are pretty fucking great in this. They’re starting to show and develop their own unique personalities, and it’s nice to watch the evolution as it happens. Leo is about the same as he was before, and has seemed to change the least, for the time being at least. I do like the little ‘If Raphael can fire a laser then I definitely can’ moment because it’s an early establishment of the rivalry they’ll probably share throughout the series, or if nothing else the rivalry they share in other iterations of the story.

Otherwise Leo was just as kickass as he was in the first issue, leading the team and being the badass ‘fight with honor’ brother for the most part. He was also the level-headed one when it was clear Splinter was MIA, as opposed to Raphael.

Speaking of Raphael, he had a lot of great moments in these issues, and it sure shows why this version of him is pretty damn beloved and used (I mean besides it being the initial/canon version).

The moment that stood out to me was how despite Leonardo’s protests and insisting he help clean up at home, he decided ‘no fuck that I’m going to find Splinter myself’ and just left and came back whenever the fuck he felt like it. It’s the moment that cemented him as the impulsive hothead, a trait I feel guilty for hoping will come back and bite him in the ass later.

Another highlight was when he was sizing up April after he took a shower. Nothing of note here. Just thought the scene was funny.

Also holy shit. Sometimes I forget just how short the turtles are. I guess they are still teens. Moving on.

Donatello was the one I usually identified as ‘the one who isn’t doing anything’ in this comic, but that’s pretty unfair. He actually does a hell of a lot. Combat aside, we also get an indication of his techy side in the first panel of the second issue.

Donatello was my favorite turtle in the ‘87 series. It was because he was sensible and intelligent, and back then those were the types of characters I liked. Oh an he was purple. I like purple. Anyway, he comes up with a few good battle strategies, and holds his own in combat pretty well in these issues.

His best moment so far is probably in the second issue, though, where he’s helping April reroute the mousers and deactivate the self-destruct system. He pretty much establishes himself as the brains of the team.

Michelangelo establishes himself as the carefree and cocksure brother during all this. He was eager to be a distraction for one of Donatello’s plans, and he even had some smug comments for a certain Triceraton guard.

That’s probably my favorite scene with him.

April’s really cool. She quickly establishes herself as the surrogate mother figure for the turtles, but sadly she’s under utilized in the latter issues I read where she mostly just hangs around New York worrying about the turtles. I’m sure she’ll have more to do later, but it’s nice that they have a ‘normal’ friend as well.

This is my first exposure to Honeycutt, and I can say while he has the dumbest origin ever, I really like him. He’s a man(bot) that sticks to his convictions, even if it risks the safety of himself and his friends (though he does CARE about said friends). I have a lot of respect for him, and I hope he shows up more after this arc.

I don’t have much to say about everyone else. Splinter was barely in this set of issues, and the alien race that Kraang is based off of...well, so far I like what other series have done with them more. Hopefully this isn’t the last of them though, so my opinion may change.

The Federation and Triceraton were...neat? Funny? I liked ‘em, but the races didn’t wow me too much. I liked the random extras in the background more.

Art

Issues 2 and 3 were a leg up from the first issue. They even used what I think is charcoal for the shading. That said, the people still looked pretty gross, at least in my opinion.

That said, I think the style is truly established in the fourth issue. Less is more really applies here, and that shows as the comic goes on. I think the overly detailed shading, while not terrible, was an overall detriment to the first few issues. Four through Seven look leaps and bounds better than the first three, at least in my opinion.

Not only that, but the art gets a lot better with each passing issue. I think one of the ideal comparisons for this is April. I’ll put an issue 2 image of her against an issue 7 image and let you be the judge. Hopefully you can see what I mean.

Not only April, but the turtles also look a lot better. They’ve become much more expressive, have a lot more motion to them, and their beak-noses aren’t doing that awkward crunching thing as often after the third issue. As before, I’m very excited to see the direction the art goes in the coming arcs.

Final Thoughts

I’ll admit, it was hard to resist the urge to read more of the comic while I was writing up this review. That’s probably going to be the most painful part of updating this blog. However, that should tell you how enjoyable this comic is. It’s hard to put down, and engaging all the way through.

This arc was pretty neat, and I’m excited to see what happens next. I know I said that last time, but I have a feeling this is how I’ll feel for a while if the quality remains this consistently good. Only one way to find out!

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of Spotlight Saga presents... A Rewind Review of the final episode of Quarry on Cinemax whose cancellation was just announced yesterday. As you'll see in the language of this article, I personally hold the show in high regard, even including it the Top 5 #BestOf2016 series we ran. Cinemax, who is owned by HBO claims they are revamping the network that is just now gaining a good wave of steam and building a respectable library. The Knick was also a groundbreaking series that recently received the axe from the same network, yet Strike Back that last ran in 2015 is already getting a reboot. What say you, Cinemax? We are incredibly disappointed by your decision to cancel this incredibly thought provoking Crime Drama set in a very real to life 1972 Memphis. Michael D Fuller, executive producer and co-creator of the show (along with (Graham Gordy) is a huge inspiration for me and for 'Spotlight Saga', inspiring me to include a more honest approach to political standpoints, something at the time I was very afraid to use in my writing. The following article was written shorty after the end of Quarry's Legendary 8-Episode run. Going forward, as much as I am frustrated with Cinemax, I think it's important to focus on the positives here and follow & support both Fuller & Gordy in any future projects or endeavors they may have. Thank you, Fuller. Thank you, Gordy. You have earned more than a few lifetime fans. Kevin Cage of Spotlight Saga reviews... Quarry (S01E08) Nuoc Cha Da Mon Airdate: October 28, 2016 (Cinemax) Ratings: Premium Cable/Streaming - Nielsen is Guessing! Score: 10/10 (An Extremely Rare Perfect Score) **************SPOILERS BELOW*************** *Poltical Views do NOT represent Spotlight Saga* Well, I asked for it... Basically begged for it, I even considered taking a day off work to just sit at home and watch it. Now, I've finally watched it, and I feel...changed. 'The Vietnam Scene' let's us peak into the PTSD origins and Mac's time at war, as well as providing a provocative theory on just what we might have been doing over there in the first place... Losing lives on both sides, our veterans returning home to a chorus of boos, met with thick walls of human disdain, and stop signs in every direction they turned. Single Camera, long take shots can be risky. Just look at Daredevil, a show that successfully used them in S1, then overused the same hallmark shots in S2. They simply cannot be your whole show, because one continuous 'sequence shot', particularly those that surround an upsetting action or disturbing sequence linger with the viewer, like the shots themselves linger on the situation at hand. In this case, a raid in Vietnam 🇻🇳 on a village with mainly fisherman, women, and children... Innocent lives lost in a war that in the end meant nothing but death, heartache, and terror. Of course that asshole of a captain commended Mac (Logan Marshall Green) and praised him to The Broker (Peter Mullan) at the end, 'He's a good soldier.' Yup, cuz he does what he's told without hesitation... Like firing the first shot without thinking, snowballing a cascade of death and chaos, topping off the whole experience by throwing a grenade into a covered pit that contained a toddler... A toddler who we are shown blown right out of the pit into fucking pieces. That's one thing that Quarry never does, shies away from violence, from the money shot... And it never feels exploitative, it just feels like that's the reality, a reality that the viewers should not be protected from. And so it goes... The Broker is no vigilante, tho he does give the people that he employs the benefit of small 'in-between' jobs that make them feel like they are doing good in the world. It's a game of chess, and he is Bobby Fischer in his prime, and a patriarch of the 70's... A king of a dirty unferbelly ruled by the almighty dollar and poppy fields as far as the eye can see. The day I wanted to take off work, just so happened to have three or four people at the bar discussing Vietnam. Of course, right? I immediately throw Quarry in the mix and of course, none of them had heard of it... Unsurprising, considering how hard it is just to obtain Cinemax, thank god for Amazon Video now! We discussed the length at which protesters treated the returning war veterans; Picketing, spitting, throwing objects, screaming and shoving homemade signs in their face... As if the soldiers ever had a choice in the matter. You enlist, You're drafted, you're trapped, you're owned, and just like Mac... If you are a good soldier you do what you're told like a goddamn robot, a machine without empathy, and then when you return home you have nothing. PTSD? In '72? Here's a pamphlet. 'Be glad the man has his legs and his arms,' the man at the VA tells Joni (#JodiBalfour) when she desperately seeks help for a man she cannot save herself. So there you have the people in control of our government, sending our brothers, sisters, fathers, and mothers over to fight a pointless war. Then you have the rich men, the patriarchs, who are able to come through and buy a slice of the action... A poppy field... A goldmine just waiting to make the rich man richer. And then you have protesters, mainly uninformed Regular Joes who only see the picture that's painted before them, like the SJW's today that picket and march through our major cities furthering the divide they claim they are trying to stop. Oh yes, that's the truth of the matter, a truth that blind rage and ignorance stop people from seeing. There is something inherently terrifying about the parallels of Vietnam 🇻🇳 to the wars and thousands deployed in countries like Iraq 🇮🇶 Iran 🇮🇷 Afghanistan 🇦🇫 Pakistan 🇵🇰 Kuwait 🇰🇼 Bahrain 🇧🇭 Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦 Syria 🇸🇾 Yemen 🇾🇪 And I could go on and on and on, places we have no business being, places that our country backwardly depends on for oil, or countries that have militias and terrorist organizations just sitting on oil fields holding them captive to prevent the chaos countries like ours and others have caused attempting to police the world and secure access to natural resources, while they themselves use the guns we have directly armed them with to oppress their people and then line the pockets of people like Hillary Clinton's with hundreds of thousands of dollars. No, I am no sympathizer, both sides make me sick. The whole thing makes me sick. Mostly, the human race makes me sick. A long time ago while living in San Francisco, I realized that the most beautiful and pure people are mostly at the bottom sleeping in the street or struggling at a minimum wage job, while the ugliest and ruthless people are at the top inviting a lucky few up to share in a night of debauchery, caressing their insecurities with thoughts of becoming their protégés or possible arm candy while their young and their beauty is still intact. Just last week, less than a month to go in his final term, Obama abolished the 'Wet Foot, Dry Foot' policy, a policy that helped save thousands of Cuban 🇨🇺 lives and helped build the great city of Miami that I call home... This done in the spirit to 'normalize relations with our one-time foe.' While abolishing this policy *COULD* indeed do just that, hidden behind that very controversial and well known policy; Another policy, The Cuban Medical Professional Parole Program, was also nixed. That lesser known policy allowed the opportunity for Cuban Medical Professionals to come to the US through other countries to earn residency, citizenship, and jobs. A sneaky move, one disguised as a way to strengthen the relations between The USA 🇺🇸 & Cuba 🇨🇺. Just one of many examples that not everything in the painting is portrayed as it should be or relaid to the public highlighting the big picture as a whole. This is a man who promised us CHANGE, but the majority of these promises of change were broken. Under the Obama Administration more Whistleblowers were jailed under the Espionage Act of 1917, imprisoned, or forced to seek asylum, like Snowden in Russia 🇷🇺 and of course famous Wikileaks founder, Julian Assange, who is literally living in an Ecuadorian 🇪🇨 Embassy in London 🇬🇧. Then today Obama grants clemency to Transgender Whistleblower Chelsea Manning, shortening her 35 year sentence to end 3 decades early in May of this year, 2017. Why, Obama? A PR move to distract from other last minute changes and to surge an approval rating on the way out? Something to think about, especially when he was so adamant about putting those that expose our government's truths, lies, and nasty cover-ups behind bars or strand them in foreign countries that don't exactly provide the same freedoms. Meanwhile last year was the first year that I was forced to pay taxes, and not just because I'm penalized for seeking affordable medical treatment for cash, and not pumping money into the Insurance Industry, the failure of Obamacare. All of this happening, and a rich white New York female actress named Lena Dunham tells the world that she's never had an abortion, but she wishes she had. WHY?! Meryl Streep uses an acceptance speech to rile up SJW's. And to add insult to injury, she says an art form and sport older than her 50x over, MMA and Combat Arts are not really arts. WHY?! God bless some of Meryl Streep's performances, they are truly cinematic gold, but that doesn't automatically make her the High Queen of all Art, deciding what earns that prestigious label and what does not. I try and promise myself that I will not get political in my reviews, but honestly when I write emotional parallels I seem to get the most responses. And because of great television series like 'Quarry' that most definitely gets my stamp for my list of #BestOf2016 TV Series), they inspire me to put my ideas out there, my life stories, my origins, my secrets, my heartaches, my tales of happiness and tragedy... Because of series like 'Quarry' I am more honest with you than I am with anyone else in my life. It's scary to put these very personal, private, and passionate views and experiences out there. Like I said, the one rule I try to set for myself is try to keep politics (or at least pick and choose my crusades and battles) out of it, and to treat those with opposing opinions with respect and class... But here we have a moving, haunting portrait of political injustice, and it's inspiring. It's hard to stay quiet when there is so much injustice surrounding us, so much ignorance. I have literally seen people I love with all my heart throw away meaningful, lifelong friendships over this sham of an election on both sides. I am not a conservative. I am not a liberal. I am a man who is happy with very little... I have a slice of paradise in a city where I am very much the minority. I'm happy living life one day at a time, living a quiet life and practicing different forms of artistic expression, over the years learning that my gift is worth a bit of money, but still getting the hang of making it the center of my universe. I'm no hired hitman, but I've abused this body with serving, bartending, and even go-go dancing... At one point I was literally working day shifts serving tables in Miami, getting off at 4 or 5pm, then driving to Ft Lauderdale, dancing without my clothes at night until the early morning, trying to catch a few low-paying DJ gigs in between. Like Mac, we all have our demons, demons that many of us will never quite shake. We can defeat them, learn to live as harmoniously as possible with them, or let them destroy us slowly. Quarry is a vivid and honest tale of political injustice, racial divides, struggling human beings just trying to survive in a world where the odds are stacked up against them, a tale of broken men and women, the moments that make us feel alive, the moments that haunt us, a tale of a human being struggling with their sexual identity in a brutally violent and unaccepting world, one that is engraved and hardwired into them, broken egos, and a tale of how people can easily be turned into puppets with the almighty dollar and a simple plant growing from God's green earth. I found it very fitting that before the last sequence of scenes Mac goes to cast his presidential vote. Unfortunately it always comes down to the lesser of two evils... Republicans or Democrats, but both are evil and wicked in their own individual ways. To #VoteLibertarian or Green is unheard of (though this idea is changing and becoming more of a reality now, thank god) and for many years I considered the act 'throwing away' my vote, but with the candidates becoming increasingly hard to differentiate the pros and cons... Maybe it's time that everyone starts voting Libertarian, Green, some sort of other growing Independent Party... Or like Mac, just write in the late, great Otis Redding. My Step-Father has taken to the practice, and he's right... If you can't beat em', don't join 'em, vote for somebody else, ANYONE. Ive been told this is a problem in all countries, so on a worldwide scale I'm not sure if even Hillary Clinton vs Donald Trump was even the hardest decision a voter has had to face... We had it easy, The Philippines 🇵🇭 had to settle for Rodrigo Duterte, a MADMAN who encouraged the people of his country to hunt down and murder people suffering from the disease of addiction. Somethings gotta give, the division I see in our world today frightens me, but most of all it saddens me. For now, here in the US, what's done is done. We must allow things to play out as if the world 🌎 was our television series. Stop the division. Stop the hate, on BOTH sides... And let's take things as I have learned to live, one day at a time. Being unified if things go wrong will be a lot better than being a nation torn apart. Maybe the future will surprise you, maybe it won't... Just hold on to your empathy and everything will be alright. It's the only thing we have left. We have to do better.

[jackblankhsh]

Why I Quit:  Public Relations

“Wow, that is a lot of blood.”

“Thanks.  It’s not mine.  I hit a pig on the way over.”

“Cop pig, or pig pig?”

“Cop riding a pig actually.  It’s a whole thing, I don’t really have time to get into.  Could I get a waffle cone full of mint chocolate chip?”

“No problem.”

I handed the woman her ice cream cone.  She took a lick that inspired a deep lusty bite.  The look of elation on her face – comforting cold wrapping around a burning soul – I envied that degree of satisfaction, wanted to be her.  Then a bullet whipped through the front door.  Her head exploded.  Though her body fell she did not drop the cone.  I distinctly remember a bit of brain erupting from her skull, flying over the counter, and landing in the slot full of cherries.  It sank into the maraschino pool, and I doubt anyone but me saw it vanish.  There to lurk until one day spooned onto a sundae.  

On the news that evening, a perky anchor addressed the city, “Good evening, Chicago.  This is the news.  25 people shot yesterday, all of them dead.  Cubs won their home opener, and the weather may get up into the 80s this weekend.  Isn’t that great?”

Co-anchor cocked an eyebrow, “Cubs win, and 80 degrees on the way?  Can’t get much better.”

All smiles then, leaving the grim behind.  No details.  The less known the less thought about, except I couldn’t stop wondering if office work might now be a safer profession.  In a skyscraper high above the streets full of swarms of stray bullets unintentionally murdering randomly – I decided to jump ship, but not until sight of land.  In other words, I’d stick it out at the ice cream parlor until another job came along.  I would not have to wait long.

The next day I arrived to find my manager listening to an androgynous figure in a three piece suit.  Introductions quickly ensued.

“Indigo Jackson,” turned out to be a representative of a family, whom for legal purposes will have to remain anonymous, though suffice it to say they felt yesterday’s event warranted some kind of response on their part.  To that end, without suggesting any culpability, they saw fit to replace the entire front of the store with bulletproof glass, in order to allay any concerns from patrons or employees as to the safety of our establishment; and offered to compensate me to the tune of ten thousand dollars for having witnessed the “unpleasantness;” though of course all such matters required, first, the signing of several documents Indigo summarized adroitly, escorting us through a murky swamp of legalese without ever really explaining what signing those papers meant, despite implications abounding:  here big sack ‘o’ cash, sign for it, and shut up forever.  

When at last Indigo inquired, “Do you understand?”

I said, “It must be interesting to have a job where you need to be so definitely opaque, yet somehow understood enough people do what you ask.”

Indigo nodded, “It is.”  

“I kind of want to give that a try.”

“Are you saying you want a job instead of the money?”

“Can’t I have both?  It was a very disturbing sight.”

Indigo said, “Something can be arranged.”

Clapping my hands together, “Great.  Then before I quit, how about I make you a cherry sundae?”

“Sounds good.”

#

The next day I ascended to the top of the Monadnock Building.  Once upon a time the largest skyscraper in America – circa 1893 – it still towered in its own way, evolving over the century into a marvelous amalgamation of early aesthetics and modern technological convenience.  Brick full of invisible wifi threads connecting the past, present, and future; tap a foot on red tile mosaic patterns, while listening to the lasted streaming playlist, killing time till the rush hour clog gives way.  Then up steps adorned first in ornate aluminum cast decorations then on upper floors, bronze-plated cast iron staircases, shunning the elevator for a chance to walk through history… and maybe feeling no hurry to be at work on time.  

Into the office to start a brand new –

“You the new guy?  Follow me.”  A balding man in a sweat stained shirt grabbed me by the elbow.  He pulled me into the office muttering as he poured over emails.  His phone rang.  He threw it on the floor.  I felt it crunch under foot, and before I could apologize an intern materialized from behind a file cabinet, handed him a fresh phone, and the muttering commenced once again.  Though this time I deciphered a bit, “Goddamn turkey fuckering pirates.”

The office buzzed with activity.  Hordes of hollow eyed business people in various states of decay, internal and external, paced the space examining documents, paper and electronic.  A middle aged man in a thread bare double breasted suit sniffed ketamine off a tablespoon, while his colleague, a young woman in a pencil skirt, slugged vodka the way the thirsty chug water.  I only caught a snippet of their exchange:

“We can’t apologize for lactose intolerance.”

“But we can apologize for a cheeseburger having cheese.” In another space a grey skinned wax figure waited for a nurse to change an IV bag dripping morphine.  Surrounded by an assortment of young professionals, the room seemed like a cult of silence devoted to holding a secret.  A woman in tortoise shell glasses spun the cylinder of a revolver, put it to her temple, and when she heard the click, sighed, took a shot of whiskey, and started reading a letter.  I heard the distinct clatter of keyboards being hammered, and riding crops striking bare flesh.

“Thank you Miss!  May I have another?”

Yet in all the seeming chaos the workers managed to flow between one another efficiently, an almost elegant ballet of the damned.

The person towing me through the scene remarked, “I’m Bernie.  For now.  Tomorrow, I don’t know.  It depends.  Don’t ask on what.  Point being, your job is to write back to the beggars.  Got it?”

“Okay.”

“Good.  Here’s your space.”  And with that Bernie detached his hand, leaving me adrift by a state of the art computer atop a turn of the century desk.  Stepping over a chalk outline, I took a seat at my desk.

“Don’t worry about that.”

I looked up to find a young lady in red.  

She nodded at the chalk outline, “Horace Fletcher.  Good guy.  Killed himself.”

“Does everybody here talk in staccato sentences.”

She smiled, “Force of habit, I’m afraid.  There’s a lot to do, and no time to do it in,” extending a hand, “I’m Patty.”

Thanks to Patty, I discovered the true parameters of my job.  Public relations is almost a tautology.  It’s name defines what it is:  relating to the public.  However, that covers a broad spectrum of ways to relate.  The top floor of the Monadnock Building devoted itself to public relations for the {redacted} family.  This involved everything from composing explanations, summaries, and denials regarding the family’s various scandals, philanthropies, business, and political concerns.  Each concern being the focus of different groups, or perhaps divisions is more appropriate:  mercenary artisans trying to paint realities.

As Patty put it, “We wrap the shit in gold, and draw all eyes to a drop in the bucket.”

When I said, “Bernie put me in charge of the 'beggars?’”

Patty got a bit misty, “Entry level stuff.  Enjoy your innocence.”

I wanted to inform Patty about my time as a sounding assistant, sterilizing metal rods used by a dominatrix to widen the hole in a penis so that objects such as fingers could be inserted into said dick-hole; however, I could tell she enjoyed the idea of my innocence so much that it would be wrong to rob her of it.  So I kept my penis stories to myself.  

The “beggars” turned out to be anyone writing to the {redacted} family asking for money.  This also constituted a broad spectrum.  On any given day I went through about fifty missives soliciting money in myriad ways.  Long lost cousins sought financial reconnection with relatives; for the low, low price of 20 grand, black sheep offered to keep silent about buried bodies; and any number of other unrecognized spawn demanding financial acknowledgement.  Meanwhile, inventors who swore to be on the verge of paradigm shifting breakthroughs – teleportation, antigravity, freeze rays, and orgasm pills – just needed another few thousand to revolutionize the world.  Folks from places like Telluride, Colorado, Marfa, Texas, and Stockbridge, Massachusetts sought coin to start hospitals for broken hearts, agencies devoted to finding lost pets, and the Fuck You Ashley Tillerman Institute.  Cash to stop the Martian invasion.  Funds to get the invasion going.  

Every day I dipped into a cornucopia full of the well intentioned, insane, and grifters.  After about two weeks, it got hard to tell the difference between them.  This mainly having to do with the fact my response to each, as instructed, remained forever always NO.  

Patty said, “You have to read the letters.  That way you can put in a personal touch.  Then they feel like someone actually considered giving them money, and we get less hate mail.  Believe me, you don’t want to piss off that department.  They have the best drugs.”

So I did my best to be accommodating:

“Dear madam,

We appreciate your desire to build a National Hardware Store Historical Society.  Hardware stores provide Americans with the means to build the future, and maintain the present.  However, we don’t feel that our company is the best one to get behind this endeavor.  Perhaps a major home improvement retailer might be a better fit.  

Best of luck in your pursuit.

Sincerely, {redacted}”

An intern near the coffee room enjoyed the task of rubber stamping signatures onto all correspondence.  The kid sat in a weed slack fog of delight, stamp, stamp, stamping the day away.  On more than one occasion I found myself along with others enviously eying that intern.   According to office folklore, the top floor of the Monadnock Building was purchased because a bygone patriarch of the {redacted} family said, “The city is in charge of cleaning the sidewalk.  So if they’re going to kill themselves, let them jump to their death.  Then we won’t have to pay for the mess.”  So it’s no surprise how many of us came to envy that intern’s pacific demeanor while happily assisting in the distribution of our gilded shit.  It didn’t seem to wear on the soul quite the way it did on ours.  

Having to tell a racist no we won’t be funding a School of Higher Aryan Education (and whatever hideously malignant stupidity that would lead to) does make one feel good.  However, having to deny someone asking for help with medical bills, cancer killing their bank account before it goes after them, obliterates any of that joy.  Overhearing the press release about {redacted} Junior’s latest monstrosity – “Maybe that hooker wanted to die, she didn’t say, 'Stop choking me.’” – knowing the expense of his legal defense, and ad campaign to polish the family image – we could ease a few burdens with those millions.  But no.  Cancer fighters, refugees, the infirmed, those honestly sick, dying, and in need:  fuck 'em.  

Granted, it seems like an equal fuck you, aimed at anyone asking for a penny, yet, the disparity is taxing.  

The postmark puts the letter in some part of Texas.  It’s from an elderly woman writing on behalf of her grandson.  He can’t write himself because 45% of his body is covered in burns after an oilrig catastrophe, and seeing as how [redacted} owns those oilfields, well sir, it seems right proper maybe we could help with the medical bills is all; and sure, there’s a real possibility she’s a grifter pulling some bullshit con – start thinking of everyone as full of shit – old bitch probably writes to a dozen companies a day asking for any kind of cash.  Yeah!  Suck down a fifth of bourbon writing the politest fuck you the world’s ever heard.  Don’t even wonder if it’s at all true.  Or if so, consider it sarcastically:  sorry about your extra crispy grandson, but we can’t help because there’s nothing that says we have to.

On a Wednesday, Bernie stopped into my office.  He said, “You’re doing great.  Promotion assured.  Pretty soon you’ll have my job.”

I opened my mouth to reply.  His phone rang.  He held up a finger.  In the momentary silence he answered, listened, nodded then walked to a window, and jumped out.

Few people are ever so blessed to witness their future made plain.  

Patty stuck her head in, “Did Bernie just go out a window?”

I said, “Yep, and I quit.”

[kingsofeverything]

40-48 on ur most recent fic

FIC ASKS! ASK AWAY!

I’m not sure if you mean 40 through 48 or 40 and 48, so I’m just going to answer them all because @allwaswell16 asked for 45 & 46, so I’ll put it all here. 

My most recent published fic is Mercedes Boy.

40. which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series

Hmm… all of these questions are so good. I think, probably, Fall At My Door. 

41. one song that captures (insert story title)

Well, Mercedes Boy was inspired by the Pebbles song by the same name.

I’m not sure why, but I want to answer for Fall At My Door too. The title comes from the song Down to Zero by Joan Armatrading, which is one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite artists.

42. do you plan or do you write whatever comes to your mind?

Mostly I just write what comes to mind. That’s how I did everything I’ve got on AO3. I planned my Big Bang / NaNoWriMo fic though. I had to. It needed to be 50K for NaNoWriMo and the word count alone scared me. I outlined it, but even still, not very heavily. It was mostly just plot points, certain things I knew needed to happen at certain points in the story in order to get to 50K. It’s quite convenient though. I’m doing a When Harry Met Sally AU now and having the outline of the movie to work from is making it super easy to write, even though I’m trying to make it my own and not have it be just like the movie script.

I think that if I planned to write anything longer than 30K, I’d probably outline it. 

43. would you ever write a sequel for (insert fic title here)

Mercedes Boy, yes. I am planning to write another little one-shot as a follow up.

Fall At My Door, maybe. I’d sort of like to do something with a red carpet, maybe they return to the AMAs and fuck in the bathroom again lol

44. do you write linear or do you write future scenes if you feel like it?

Both, but mostly linear. One thing that I do in almost every fic, is write dialogue and come back later to fill in the…… emotions and actions that go with it. I’ll get a conversation going between characters in my head, and I have to get it down ASAP. Then I’ll highlight it in my doc and leave myself a note to read over it and fill in around it later. My notes say “fill” lol 

45. share the synopsis of a story you work on that you haven’t published yet

Hmm… well, the When Harry Met Sally AU is pretty self-explanatory, if you’ve seen the movie. Two of the other fics I haven’t published are for Big Bang and the HP/1D exchange. And I have two more that are basically PWP.

47. how many unfinished ideas/stories are you working on at the same time?

Right now, it’s 7. But 2 of those are “finished” but being beta read or Brit picked, and 2 of those don’t have a single word written, they just exist in my head, even though I’ve started docs for them with like…. one line ideas. One of those is actually a really, really big project that I’m planning to do, probably after I finish most of the rest of my WIPs. Oh, and one is a fic that is sad and makes me sad and I haven’t written on it since early December.

48. three spoilers for (insert story title)

Uhhhh… I can’t spoil my 2 fics that are close to being published, and I can’t really spoil WHMS because it’s a movie. Soooo…. I don’t have any, sorry!

46. share a scene of a story that you haven’t published yet

Be aware that all of my shit is MESSY right now. So not only is this not beta read, it isn’t even Lauren read. As in, there could be typos and all sorts of errors. Also, this is difficult because I had to find a scene that didn’t have blank spots, like METYPINGLIKETHISBECAUSEIDKWHATTOCALLACHARACTER lol

Scene under the cut because it’s like 800+ words

“I’m not coming over.” Louis croaked through the phone.

“What? Why?” Harry whined. He couldn’t help it; he was hungry and had been waiting patiently for his almond croissants.

“Can’t move. Too hungover. Think I might be dead, actually.” Louis actually sounded pretty awful and Harry was actually starting to feel sympathetic. “Yep. Dead. Calling you from the great beyond,” he finished in a spooky whisper.

“Even when you’re dead, you’re annoying.” Harry sighed and got up from his bed to look for socks and shoes. “I’ll be over in a bit. Make coffee and I’ll bring food.”

Harry found his sneakers and wiggled his feet into them, not bothering to tie the laces. One of Louis’ beanies hung on the back of Harry’s door, so he pulled it over his damp hair, grabbed his coat and looked in the mirror and considered changing into jeans and a sweater. No. He already felt like shit, why not look like it too? He tiptoed through the hall, since Liam was asleep in his room, and left him a note asking him to call or text if he was up for dinner. Harry shoved his sunglasses on his face and stuffed his wallet and keys into his coat pocket. 

It took four buzzes to Louis’ apartment before the door to his building opened for him, and by that time Harry was ready to throw out all of the plain croissants that he’d made sure were very fresh, just for Louis, before buying them. The walk had helped ease his headache a little, but the annoyance of waiting so long for Louis to buzz him up had brought the headache back, so Harry kept his sunglasses on while he trudged up the stairs. When he got to Louis’ door, it was open a crack; he knocked lightly and pushed it, but it caught on something.

“Hi.” Louis’ voice came from right behind the door. He sounded like shit. “Hold on.”

There was a pitiful groan and a shuffling sound and the door swung open to reveal Louis, sprawled on the floor on his stomach, wearing nothing but his underwear. At least Harry could smell coffee, so Louis wasn’t completely useless today. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Harry nudged Louis’ ribs with the toe of his sneaker, then stepped over him to take the bakery box to the kitchen.

“I told you. I died.” Louis moaned and then rolled over onto his back, draping one arm dramatically over his eyes. “I crawled out here to buzz you in. Niall made coffee before he left.”

“Okay, well, you’re practically naked, so if you’re planning to stay there, I’m going to cover you with a sheet. You know, like at the morgue.” Harry pulled down his favorite rainbow mug and Louis’ regular mug, the one that he pretended to hate, the one with the roosters all over it. Harry had bought it at a second-hand store, highly amused by the idea of Louis drinking from a coffee cup covered in cocks. By the time he’d fixed their coffee and carried the cups into the living room, Louis had miraculously recovered enough to wrap a blanket around his waist and move to the couch.

Harry tried not to be endeared, but Louis was really adorable when he was grumpy, hungover, and quiet. His hair was a complete mess, it stuck straight up on one side and in the back, and there were little specks of dirt clinging to his cheek where he’d been lying with his face on the floor. When he felt like shit, he tended to curl up and make himself as small as possible, hunching over and bending his knees to wrap his arms around himself. Harry found his eyes lingering on the scrunching of Louis’ abs and quickly looked away. Whoa. That was weird. Harry reached for his coffee and took a sip, giving himself the chance to collect his thoughts. Louis was objectively attractive, gorgeous really, it was perfectly acceptable to look at him, especially when he was mostly naked. Still, Harry decided to go find Louis some clothes.

He returned from Louis’ bedroom with a pair of basketball shorts and an old Chicago Bulls sweatshirt. “Put these on. It’s cold.”

Louis grumbled, but accepted the bundle of clothes, tugged the sweatshirt over his head, then pulled the shorts on, somehow getting completely dressed without moving from his spot on the couch or unwrapping his blanket. He curled back up and stretched his arm out, not actually trying to reach for his coffee, but whining until Harry picked it up and handed it to him.

“I think I might actually not be dead.” Louis gently rested his head on the back of the couch, then turned to face Harry. “That’s my hoodie.”

“Yeah, but you left it at my place, so it’s mine now.” Harry pulled the hood over his beanie and yanked on the corner of Louis’ blanket until he let Harry unwrap it. They stretched out on the couch, head to foot, covered in an old, fleece, University of Chicago blanket, and settled in to watch football for the rest of the day.