#also i love the 'its gay but only in the sense of self-obsession' angle in this music video lol

[dejundary]

oh the jaehyun title is GOOD

[palmett-hoes]

what's your take on the foxes mbti?

oh buddy ur never gonna believe this but i wrote a foxes MBTI post YEARS ago

im also not into mbti anymore and haven't been for many years so that post is probably still more accurate and in-depth than what i could give you now. i’m just gonna copy the whole thing but i read it over and it still totally vibes w how i understand the characters, like way more than i was expecting it to. i only made one edit (it’s marked) and it was to add a detail not change anything

i hope you’re really really into mbti otherwise this’ll probably be gobbeldegook

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i used to be obessively into mbti so here’s an analysis based on cognitive functions mostly.

SKIP IF YOU WANT. for anyone with no idea how it works, here’s a quick rundown: cognitive functions are about the way people think, process, and prioritize information, not necessarily how they act, though people who think the same way often act the same. the 8 letters that make up a type represent how people process and prioritize internal and external stimuli. every letter actually has an ‘internal’ and 'external’ form so there’s Thinking (internal(ti) and external(te)), Feeling (internal(fi) and external(fe)), Sensing (internal(si) and external(se)), and iNtuition(internal(ni) and external(ne)) t’s always go with a corresponding and opposite f (like ti and fe always go together), same with s’s and n’s (ex: si and ne always go together). a set of  t, f, s, and n in a specific order makes an mbti type.

neil: intp (ti ne si fe)

neil has incredible analytical ability although it’s very programmed for survival but he’s also a fast thinker and very quick to adapt to new environments. he also approaches things from original angles that other people dont consider, all that sounds like high ti/ne. the lower functions fit well too. in times of stress, he returns to old habits and falls back on what’s familiar, that’s classic low si. his emotions are also very exterior. he’s bad with other people from lack of exposure, but he’s committed to harmony between those close to him and has an impeccable ability to read the emotional states of others while being completely oblivious of his own, and his sense of self is tied to exterior things like exy, friends, keys, and legal documents (lol) that’s fe

andrew: intj (ni te fi se)

ni is really hard to describe but it has to do with being able to draw conclusions from scattered input, which fits with andrew’s uncanny ability to spot lies and obsession with finding out the truth, especially with high te, which is about spatial order and logic, think of how prioritized he is with the physical order of things: who sits where, who wears what, etc. a lot of people want to make andrew infj i bet as like a “subversive reading” but he’s definitely not. i used to be really close to an infj and they have hyper-empathy, as in she would describe not just caring about other people and being able to read their emotional states but literally feeling the things the people around her felt. this is a common result of the ni/fe combo, and the reason why andrew is definitely not infj. tertiary fi fits very well instead because andrew is deeply attuned to his own inner emotional state. he’s self-confident and doesn’t care about other people’s perception of him, but he’s also very concerned with his own feelings and understanding them, even if they’re repressed. he’s also very aware of his physical surroundings, which plays into his deductive ability, although it’s not his focus. that’s low se

kevin: estj (te si ne fi)

kevin is a classic estj. he’s controlling, demanding, and driven. he tries to control the actions of those around him and gets very distressed when things dont run smoothly, as well as having strong feelings about improving efficiency. high te people make great managers. kevin’s whole story arc is about breaking old habits, which is a very si problem. it has to do with trusting and craving memory and familiarity, and explains kevins need for endless repetition. he’s innovative, though, coming up with new strategies and drills (ne), it’s just based on what’s already familiar, and you can see him spiral into creating all possible worst-case scenarios when he’s stressed (low ne stress reaction, they like to be prepared). finally, he’s a dick, but he cares about other people and wants to improve their lives, as well as being very reliant on other people’s perceptions of him to define his own self-image (low fe)

dan: esfj (fe si ne ti)

dan’s top priority, over everything else, is her team. she wants her team to improve, she wants her team to win, she wants her team to work together. it’s all about the collective. we also see that she’s very open with others and makes a lot of effort to both make new ties and maintain old ones, that’s high fe. she’s sentimental and attached to the past too (si)  esp the photo wall, but we also see her very unwilling to let go of the past ie the monsters but eventually willing to change and grow to mend team cohesion (ne). we also see the fight in underlying logic (low ti) with her: she knows the team needs the monsters to cooperate but she cant figure out how to do it

matt: enfj (fe ni se ti)

so enfj’s experience infj hyper-empathy too, but to a slightly lesser extent (primary fe is more group cohesion, secondary fe is more understanding others), and through this we see matt’s easy-going open friendliness and ability to befriend even prickly little neil, because he has an extremely good sense of what other people are feeling and need, it also explains why he doesn’t hold a grudge against the cousins in the same way dan does, because he understands where they were coming from. se is associated with a general boisterousness for life, as it’s about experiencing the world around you, which explains matt’s happy-go-lucky disposition and puppydog behavior. the ti aspects mostly go into supporting fe/ni empathic senses

allison: entj (te ni se fi)

i mean, allison’s controlling, both in that she orders other people around and in that her physical being and space are very planned and organized (her clothes, her hair, her makeup, etc) but at the same time there isn’t much sentimentality to her, like how she doesn’t care when her car was destroyed. she easily replaces things because she cares about the object’s purpose, not its history and that all smacks of high te/ni. and i mean, the se definitely contributes to her love of designer things and killer looks, because she cares about the world immediately around her, and why live if not in luxury? and fi? is there any character more aggressively self-confident than allison reynolds?? going against her parents’ wishes for her takes a really strong, independent sense of self, but we also see the problems that can come from not worrying about other people, in how she starts fights and can be abrasive and catty

renee: infp (fi ne si te)

okay this one was really hard tbh. a list of other considerations: isfp, istp, and infj. it’s very easy to read renee as high fe because she’s kind, but i think it’s a mischaracteration of why she’s kind. it’s not because it comes naturally to her, it’s because it’s a conscious choice that makes her feel better about herself. high fi people often read as fe because they’re so comfortable with themselves and in tune with their own needs that they can then go and provide for others. i associate her religion with ne, because contemplation and acceptance of the divine later in life is a very metaphysical undertaking that undoubtedly requires a lot of abstract thought. renee’s storyline also revolves a lot around using things from her past and putting a conscious effort into leaving things from her past behind (how she still uses the skills she learned from her past in new ways ie sparring with andrew and protecting the upperclassmen v/s how she held on to her knives even when she knew it was detrimental to her moving on) this sounds like si. her protective instincts also feed into the te need for order, but it’s a looser leash than say andrew, as it’s lower on her function stack but still present

nicky: esfp (se fi te ni)

godd nicky is like a prototypical esfp. i mean nicholas “sex, drugs, and parties” hemmick cant be anything but se dominant. nicky is all about living it up and living in the moment. like he’s sporadic and ive seen it lead people to think he could be enfp but he doesn’t think enough about the meaning of things to be ne dominant (like how he makes somewhat predatory jokes and such, he’s all about the here-and-now while ne is about the past and future simultaneously). also he of all characters has incredibly prominent fi, as his whole character is about living unashamedly as himself as a gay man and the immense self-awareness and inner strength it takes not only to come out to unaccepting parents but also to leave and start a new life when they rejected him. however, fi is also indicative of his communication problems with his family, as he’s unable to tell that the cousins are fundamentally different from him in their needs and boundaries, leading him to pushing them, making them uncomfortable, and being unable to help them, because he’s unable to understand them. the rest are much more hidden, but a party boy shopaholic like nicky would probably need some amount of te order in like an organized chaos fashion (and he’s often headcanoned as liking to throw parties) and you do see him become somewhat pushy, even controlling in those scenarios. ni is the hardest but could maybe be seen in how he’s attuned to the cousins reactions for all that he cant predict them/doesn’t do anything on his own part to prevent them (the way he handles andrew is like if someone poked a rattlesnake knowing damn well what it would do and then freaked out when he got bit)

aaron: istj (si te fi ne)

im a little iffy on this one and worry it might be an analysis based on his trauma instead of complimentary to it, but aaron’s arc is about breaking out of his habit of holding on to the past. he refuses to work towards moving on from his mother’s death, refuses to listen to things that contradict his preconceived notions, and refuses to make changes in his life that could improve it. that’s unhealthy si. he’s really a very unhealthy istj, and most of his traits manifest through his unhappiness with his life. take his te. that would imply that he needs control over his surroundings, but aaron is incredibly bitter and unhappy BECAUSE he doesn’t have control of his surroundings. he doesn’t get to make his own choices, he doesn’t get to control his space, and he hates it. his relationship with katelyn is also indicative of being an istj. it’s stable, not a passionate fling, but aaron is mocked for wanting that white picket fence, married with kids in the suburbs kind of life, and his relationship, which is his primary source of happiness, is built on stability, which is a very si thing to do. in terms of fi, it is aaron that ultimately forces change between himself and andrew. he may have been pushed but he ultimately came down to him knowing what made him happy and what made him miserable and acting on that. also, he’s an ornery asshole who clearly doesn’t care what other people think of him. fi. i dont really have anything to say in terms of ne, probably because he’s so unhealthy but also because he’s not too explored. heyy istj’s make great doctors

wymack: isfj (si fe ti ne)

okay this one was genuinely the hardest to decide on but ultimately i came to the conclusion that wymack, much like renee, is such a developed person that he loses many defining traits of the functions, and can be read in many different ways. so: wymack’s primary goal is the safety and betterment of other people (ie his team). he wants to help people overcome their pasts, which is a very atypical approach to si, but is si nonetheless. on a personal level, too, he’s never able to move on from people, and specifically never moved on from kayleigh,  continuing their shared dream of an exy team for abused kids long after her death. as ive said before, fe in a secondary position is about deep understanding of other people, and wymack’s ability to understand what other people are struggling through is legendary. the ti mostly serves as support to the fe, serving as the analytical backup in allowing him to understand others. as for ne: he is most definitely an innovator with unusual ideas, or the foxes wouldn’t exist

riko: estp (se ti fe ni)

riko is basically what happens when an estp goes bad down to the core. he’s obsessed with personal glory and immediate self-fulfillment (se) he has no impulse control or fear of consequences. interestingly, high se is often associated with athleticism, because high se people are intensly focused on their surroundings (exy). his ti is also super unhealthy as he gets obsessed with ideas that dont really work with objective reality, like his obsession with ownership and power dynamics despite them not actually being efficient, even backwards. the tertiary fe he uses to manipulate. he doesn’t empathize with others, but he can tell their emotional state and what’s important to them, and uses it to coerce them and destroy their sense of self, like how he knew he could get neil to the nest by threatening andrew. EDIT: /additionally, fe people especially in the lower half of the function stack tend to derive their sense of self from the perceptions of others around them, which riko very much shows in how he needs to be acknowledged as the best and won’t allow any competition for his title, as well as his desperation for acknowledgement from his family/. finally, that ni allowed him to keep multiple plans in place focused on one ultimate goal: getting kevin back. the sheer amount of schemes he sets up in order to fool and push people the way he wants is honestly kinda impressive, but he’s a toxic shithead and im glad he’s rotting. definitely not representative of all estp’s

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this is honestly SO funny to read back a few years later bc HOOOOO boy was i way too into this stuff. and this was written a couple years after my Peak MBTI Obsession, which was honestly scary

[mira--mira]

One obvious for the ask game. The main protagonist; Naruto Uzumaki and Izuku Midoriya.

@shiryusamarkanda it’s so nice to hear from you again! <3 

I totally didn’t forget to post this and had it fully finished in my drafts for days...totally. 

Naruto

What I love about them:

Naruto's a bratty kid who’s not afraid to speak up and challenge something he thinks is "wrong". This, of course, is part 1 Naruto. I actually like when he's a bit insensitive without being explicitly malicious bc its very fitting for his background/how he grew up but also gives him a clear path forward as he learns how to work as a team/starts to grow. It wasn’t exactly a smart move, but I really liked how he continued to challenge Zabuza in the Wave Arc saying “he’s still my enemy” after Kakashi told him to back off. This is all good and strong characterization that, to me, was more often endearing than it wasn’t. Naruto had goals and a purpose and in early Naruto that was still clear.

What I hate about them:

Part 2 (Shippuden) Naruto. There’s a lot that goes into this but the core deviation is getting away from the underdog story. In Shippuden Naruto is the son of the 4th, the Child of Prophecy, a reincarnation of the Sage of Six Path’s kid, makes friends with Kurama, and has the most OP power of the them all: Talk no Jutsu. What makes all of this even worse is Naruto went from a loveable bratty kid to an insufferable messiah figure. To be “perfect” his natural personality is shorn down until he’s only allowed occasional “stupid” mistakes rather than mistakes that emerge from his characterization. This also makes his ideological “wins” with villains...completely meaningless. Shippuden Naruto doesn’t really...have beliefs. He wants to be hokage and bring Sasuke back to the village. “Being hokage” was fine as a kid but I expected the progression into shippuden to be “what kind of hokage do I want to be?” This seemed natural bc we get in the Wave arc Naruto pushing against “what a shinobi is supposed to be: a tool” from Haku and declaring he’d make his own ninja way. Flashforward to the chunin arcs: hates Orochimaru for messing with Sasuke (esp when he eventually leaves to join him) and Neji for treating Hinata the way he did until he learned more about the Hyuga before declaring it wasn’t fair and you had to fight against fate and destiny. Tsunade’s arc was more about reemphasizing the village was something worth protecting and the Sasuke retrieval arc, while focused on Sasuke, at least kept up this theme. But these moments of growth are only alluded to in shippuden and by the time the war arc and ending come around...nothing changes. Naruto didn’t upset the status quo, he only maintained it. And once that ending was established it was a lot easier to go back and pick out exactly when his characterization started to fall through and the weird messiah figure took over instead. Part of this, imo, is the focus of his ultimate goal being “bring Sasuke back to the village” rather than understand what Sasuke is doing/why he’s doing it and then deciding to help him or stop him. 

Favorite Moment/Quote:

“You’re cute when you’re chubby” [in reference to the frog purse] 

I really love the quiet moments Naruto has and watching him live out his daily life. The frog purse is absolutely adorable and I love seeing it crop up time and time again. A close second is when Gai kicks Jiraiya in the face and, a short time later, offers Naruto the green tracksuit which he’s appreciative of. 

What I would like to see more focus on:

In Part 2 Naruto having a long-term goal alongside bringing Sasuke back to the village or trying to seriously think about why Sasuke does what he does and how that would potentially affect the plot. If I could go back to the very start, keeping the actual heart and intent of an underdog ninja story rather than everything turning into superpowered mecha/kaiju battles and aliens from space this is the big point that I’d want to address. In general, I really like fics that focus on training and give him a range of jutsu besides spamming shadow clones and rasengan variants. I’ve said this before, but if Naruto really wants to keep the “number 1 unpredictable ninja” moniker, learning a variety of small, diverse jutsu and using them in interesting/creative ways would be the way to go rather than spamming the aforementioned two. I also really like fics that buckle down and just go ham and create their own variety of jutsu, especially if it’s small practical jutsu rather than the latest and greatest OP Power #839281 kind of jutsu. 

What I would like to see less focus on:

The messiah figure. Talk no Jutsu. The obsession with having a morally pure hero in a world that routinely employed child soldiers and put them in war. I understand Naruto was a shonen manga first and foremost but like...this was the setting/world Kishimoto decided on having. However, I will say some fics take it to far on the other extreme for my taste, creating a edgy nihilistic Naruto that hates everyone and everything. 

Favorite pairing with:

Uhh...I don’t actually have a strong feeling for this one LOL. The most I’ve read has been SasuNaru (Sasuke x Naruto) because I’ve found really interesting set-ups. I like the ship and it does have a decent amount of backing in canon but it’s the little moments (or my ability to see possible little moments) that really make or break a ship for me. SasuNaru is all Big Declarations and I struggle to see how they’d actually settle down post Shippuden time into something sustainable. My favorite iterations of the ship is focused when they’re genin age and have a better relationship...but then I recognize that this is getting closer and closer to Hashimada. The other big things I run into with shipping Naruto with Sasuke is 1. Sasuke needs a shit ton of therapy/willingness to process his family related trauma and 2. Naruto needs a good support network/family outside of a romantic partner because it personally makes me uncomfortable to read ‘you’re my one and only’ (here being: I have no other friends, family, loved ones outside of you). It’s a ship that can work but it’s not my personal OTP.  

Favorite friendship:

Canon/OoT - Naruto & Sakura

I do have a softspot for fics where Naruto realizes his crush on Sakura is actually a desire to have friends/someone to care about him and then they do become close. In canon Sasuke was clearly the favorite of Kakashi (if chunin arc is kept the same/similar and he takes him away for the month to train) I really like Naruto and Sakura sticking together and trying to help each other. They’re both loud and can wind each other up but Naruto can help Sakura relax a bit from her rigid view of herself and she can help keep him on track/encourage him. 

NOTP:

Again, no real strong opinions here. Probably harems? I remember seeing a lot of those a couple years ago and I fundamentally dislike the harem so it will never be ‘done well’ to my personal taste. 

Favorite headcanon:

Naruto is smart, he just needs things to be explained in a way he can understand. 

I’m not a fan of ‘he’s the smartest person in the entire world’ trope but Naruto is creative, he created the oiroke jutsu before he graduated to genin and has a lot of stubborn determination. He’s just really bad at typical ‘book learning’ and traditional testing and he’s not a genius/prodigy like Sasuke or Neji.

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Read line for BNHA manga spoilers

Izuku

What I love about them:

He’s such a smart kid and while he’s unsure/insecure about himself he still does his best. Honestly the premise of BNHA is amazing and I was so excited to watch this little quirky (heh) boy do his best and outthink heroes, utilizing his intelligence and knowledge of quirks. I really love early Izuku and how he has to approach situations from a different angle bc he grew up quirkless/can’t properly handle OFA. The sports festival arc remains one of my personal favorites and really showed his ingenuity. I also really love that Izuku is openly emotional, he cries, he gets super happy about things, he’s angry, he’s sad, etc.  

What I hate about them:

Why do stories insist on calling themselves “underdogs” when for a majority of the time, they’re not? Or not as much as they would be from the original premise? Look, TDP came about exactly bc BNHA was billed as ‘quirkless boy becomes number 1 hero’ it changed rapidly into ‘Izuku gets the strongest quirk but can’t control it’ and while I was...disappointed with that, it happened so quickly I wasn’t really upset. Fast forward to apparently OFA has...what seven(?) quirks inside it and I just...it’s frustrating. Even more the longer we go the more Izuku strays away from a character that is forced to use his intelligence and creatively outthink his opponents and instead becomes...I just have to hit him harder! The Muscular fight already inched towards this but the Overhaul fight just felt like Super Shonen Smack-down 728329. Which, isn’t an inherent problem, it just doesn’t match up to the expectations I had about BNHA I had at the start and how I hoped the series would go. For a character trait that I hate: Izuku is stupidly self-sacrificing. It makes sense with his character but he shoots beyond what is safe and reasonable and I wish there would be more internal emphasis on the question “is it better to save one person today if it meant I couldn’t save ten people tomorrow?” I think he’d choose the former or forsake the question altogether (we touched briefly on this during the overhaul arc with Eri) but I think it’s a serious question needs to be touched on (or I just need to go back and rewatch things again LOL) 

Favorite Moment/Quote:

See entire sports festival arc. I don’t really have a favorite moment because I love the entire arc and we get so much out of it. 

What I would like to see more focus on:

Quirkless Izuku. There’s already a lot of fics, but I really do love them. It deviates a bit, but I do like the creativity of giving Izuku his own unique quirk and then exploring what he can do with that/how it changes canon. Really I want Izuku to keep his original characterization and not trade his smarts for more punching power or deus ex machinas for quirks hidden inside of OFA. If OFA!Izuku is kept, I like story ideas where he still has to rely on means outside of his quirk. Preferably this is isn’t because he injuries himself so much, but I like toying with the idea that Izuku never gets OFA to All Might’s level so he really does have to make the quirk his own and still rely heavily on his intelligence and quirk journals to become the number 1. 

What I would like to see less focus on:

Quirks hidden inside OFA. Strength should have been enough, it was already billed as the most powerful quirk of all. I know this is a common theme for shonen stories, and I don’t mean to harp specifically on Izuku, but again the premise of BNHA was an underdog story. 

Favorite pairing with:

Tododeku (Todoroki Shouto x Midoriya Izuku) 

Friends to lover and battle couples lads, I am weak to them. I like the contrast between their personalities as well as origins (Shouto being the number 2′s (now 1) kid and Izuku from a quiet civilian background). At the end of the sports festival arc both of them are extremely well characterized and it’s easy for me to imagine how their relationship progresses from there and how they can support each other and help each other grow. It’s a very sweet and wholesome ship the way I write and read it and it’s v cute.

Favorite friendship:

Canon- Midoriya Izuku & Uraraka Ochaco & Iida Tenya

I really like the core trio and think their interactions are really sweet. They balance each other out well and their friendship was immediately believable to me. I also like later when Tsuyu and Shouto start to get included in the group and out of the “main” core friends I’m endlessly entertained whenever Izuku and Tokoyami interact with one another. (This is also because I love my bird son, but you know.)

TDP - Midoriya Izuku & Ashido Mina or Midoriya Izuku & Hatsume Mei

Really, I love all of TDP’s kiddos interactions. Their chemistry is one of my favorite things about the fic and all the villain school kiddos meshed really well and had hilarious interactions. Mina and Mei are my faves but just barely. Mina came out of left field for the fic but she plays a similar role that Ochaco does in canon as a usual source of positivity (but unlike Ochaco with additional chaos). She’s Izuku’s first real friend even before starting HIVVE and wouldn’t hesitate to call Izuku her cousin as she views him as family. In return, Mina’s someone Izuku can completely count and depend on if necessary. Mei is...Mei. Izuku is her best “useful customer” and it’s actually terrifying how similar their thoughts are, just Mei has an (un)healthy dose of Hazmat’s insanity and her own business acumen added into the mix. They have slightly different fields of interest but are intellectual equals that work well together and that’s something new to both of them.

NOTP:

Bakudeku (Bakugo Katsuki x Midoriya Izuku)

It’s unhealthy. Unless it’s an AU that changes what the start of their relationship is like, Bakugo and Izuku will always have a toxic friendship to me and I can’t ever see them in a healthy relationship. Both of them have a lot to learn and I am of the opinion that Bakugo should get the opportunity to grow and become a good person and leave behind his past as a bully. However, I’m also of the opinion that no matter how good of a person a bully becomes their victim is never required to absolve them of past wrongdoings. Izuku and Bakugo were friends once, their relationship turned toxic, and now it’s in the interest of both of them to grow apart from one another. I even hesitate to really say they’ll be friends again because the early characterization of their relationship was so imbalanced to me, but for the right author and the right work I may see them being on good terms. It’s still a romantic relationship that I dislike. 

Favorite headcanon:

Crack headcanon? Izuku does have a natural quirk, the force of his tears is clearly superpowered 😂 Regular headcanon, (that is canon in TDP and kindaaa in regular canon(?)) when Izuku gets really engrossed in a super stressful fight he focuses on what will work rather than what is moral. It has...mixed results. 

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For the ask game. 

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 2x15 Phases

aka male aggression and the Buffy feminism

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and point out / hyperfocus on one detail in it in 10-3k words. Or maybe go through each and every random scene I choose. Rules are fake.

And today’s episode is one that I enjoy and love immensely, but it’s also the perfect opportunity to talk about the dreaded subject:

Why does Buffy’s feminism feel dated?

But before that, it’s time for everyone’s* (*my) favorite segment - Buffy/Willow out of context.

Buffy:  Meow! Willow:  Really? Thanks. I've never gotten a 'meow' before.

Even Larry’s being gross about wanting ‘some of that Buffy/Willow action’... And like... I know that you’re going through stuff my dude, but still., don’t ruin this for the rest of us.

Willow is also complaining about guys and dudes in general at least three different times in this episode. (Sometimes to Buffy, but sometimes to Cordelia??? I’m definitely sleeping on that ship.) And I’m just sitting here being like... aw, honey... you really don’t need them... trust me.

Anyhow, we could be sitting here dissecting all that, but I set out with a different goal today, and I’m trying to cut it short, so let’s talk.

Buffy feminism.

At this point anyone in and out of the fandom is familiar with the debate of how Buffy’s - and in turn, Whedon’s - feminism has aged, and that while it had a huge impact on its time and laid the groundwork for today’s popculture scene, we’ve evolved since then.

And I don’t think many would negate a lot of that. The Buffy feminism certainly lacks intersectionality and works with a lot of tropes and archetypes that has its fair share of negative elements and implications. And Whedon’s later work have memorably been taken to court by fandom for such cases.

So the question that I ended up on some time ago was a natural result of that trail of thought.

Was Buffy ever intended to be feminist?

Spoiler alert: the answer is both yes and no. It’s Schroedinger’s feminism.

But first, I want to make it clear that I don’t intend to argue that Buffy isn’t feminist, or didn’t influence our culture massively in that direction. In the 90s, a show with a female lead was still the outlier, and the fact that it gained such a universal following is somewhat mind-blowing. Especially if you consider the grudge our culture holds against teenage girls, even today.

On top of that, Buffy’s character concept goes against the idea of the Strong Female Character (often known as Female Side Character With Some Masculine Traits To Show That She’s Not Like Other Girls Who Can Kind Of Hold Her Own Next To Our Male Lead But He’s Still Better At Things Of Course), by being both immensely powerful and unabashedly teen girly. And then only becoming more complex and memorable as the seasons went on.

Not to mention the fact that the show also had an even ratio of female:male co-stars for most of its run. Meaning that there were plenty of other female characters to develop beside the titular lead, making it a largely female-driven series in general.

As a result of all that, it’s no wonder that Whedon gained a reputation as a staunch feminist - and again, he was a trailblazer when it came to female-led television shows... But I think conflating his ideals with the show’s themes is where we fell into a pitfall.

People complaining about diversity in media often cite ‘agendas’ or ‘pandering’. Which is an immensely simplified (and stupid) way to look at things that is meant to paint going against the norms in a negative way. See, if the creators decide to include characters of different backgrounds because it’s important to them, or because they want to talk about their own experiences, then they have an ‘agenda’. The agenda being using art to talk about things they find important, I guess...

And then there’s this idea that studios / companies / creators just want to please an under-served audience, and profit out of their enthusiasm when they make such media. In contrast to pleasing the audience of the status quo 90% of the time otherwise. I guess.

I’m bringing this all up because the argument that a lot of these people bring up is that representation and diversity is okay if there’s a “reason” for it. Which... yeah, we already covered why I think this line of thinking is so incredibly flawed, but on the other hand... I think Buffy actually satisfies that criteria.

Ideas such as gender roles are baked into show’s concept. Buffy is literally fighting the patriarchy and rape culture (among other things), so it only makes sense that she’s a girl. Meanwhile the character who will end up being gay is the one who struggles the most with their identity. These things are literally building into the bigger picture that the show’s attempting to make.

Now, I will say this though - differentiating and drawing the lines between these things (sincere desire for representation vs. financial strategy vs. exploring themes) is impossible. Everything can be a little bit of each or something else entirely. That’s also why debating intent to undermine representation is such a cheap transparent move.

Nevertheless, I have decided to approach Buffy’s feminism and many of its other themes from the angle of thematic intent. And this episode is a prime example of how the heightened reality of toxic masculinity and its deconstruction look like on the show.

Phases is very unsubtle when stating its thesis. All men are beasts (a reoccurring theme for sure). And for that we have three male characters to examine: Oz, Larry and Cain. (And to a lesser extent Xander and Giles)

Cain is pretty much the least complex of all. He’s a misogynistic douchebag who constantly berates Buffy for “being a girl”, while also hunting essentially human beings for money. He’s completely one-dimensional and irredeemable, and the only thing he’s good for is so Buffy could destroy his gun and tell him to get the hell out of town.

I suppose he’s also there to contrast Giles, but there’s not much there to talk about. Giles respects and supports Buffy, I guess.

Now, Larry and Oz - that’s a more interesting contrast.

Larry was previously introduced as Xander’s bully, but this episode goes above and beyond establishing him as an all around creep. He makes gross comments at all the girls and literally gropes Buffy, and it all culminates in the Scoobies deducting that he must be the werewolf for being so aggressive and douchey.

And then it turns out that... no, he’s just gay. Which, like... the Gay Bully is certainly a trope that’s probably died out at this point, but this does make sense in the context of this episode and the show’s tendency to deconstruct. The idea that performative aggression like Larry’s can actually be a sign of an unresolved conflict with ourselves. And once that’s resolved, we can find a way to live without that facade and be our more authentic self.

Which is an interesting way to contrast him with Oz, as he appears to be the sweetest, chillest guy in the whole Sunnydale area. He literally tucks the tag on Willow’s shirt back like??? Too good for this world.

But then it turns out that he’ll now also become a werewolf 3 days out of a month, a creature of pure instinct and aggression. And given how reserved Oz is in his day-to-day life, that’s an interesting dichotomy. Is that supposed to represent him getting his rage on and finally letting loose of his emotions, or does it suggest a more aggressive inner layer of his character in general?

(Future knowledge mostly points towards the former, but I feel like it’d be interesting to talk about Oz from the latter perspective.)

It’s also an interesting tidbit how the episode mentions that the werewolf could be female, but then continues to refer to them as a ‘he’ anyway. It’s as if the episode is self-aware of its own theme.

...But then we get a lycanthropy- period cycle parallel made in the end anyway, when Willow’s like ‘well, I’m not much fun to be around 3 days-a-month either’. So there’s that.

Then there’s Xander. I’ve recently heard about an alleged quote where Whedon apparently said that they considered writing either Willow or Xander as gay at some point. And that was certainly in my head during Larry’s coming out scene, which makes Xander’s intense no-homo reaction much more layered. He’s essentially Larry in that scenario, aggressively trying to ignore his own inner conflict.

...Which also made me think of another coming out scene on the show and Buffy’s initial, if brief reaction to it.

Looking at Xander’s character from this angle also puts his obsession with his masculinity into perspective. Although his character arc, especially given the show’s themes about gender roles, remains interesting either way.

Oh yeah, and he’s super jealous about Willow and Oz. We’ll definitely get back to that in S3.

Buffy’s comment about Oz being the loyal type meanwhile is S4 material.

Onwards!

[huahsu]

YEAR OF THE GHOST DOG

[TL;DR version for the New Yorker -- I loved many great short songs and became obsessed with (1) a very old, much longer one (2) and YouTube comments this year.]  [links to previous year’s lists at the bottom]

A while back, I found myself in an extended funk. The reasons are uninteresting and honestly a bit dumb, a mix of everyday bummers and more existential stuff, all of which manifested in a kind of 360º sluggishness. I couldn’t really figure my way out of it but I believed that I would eventually stop feeling this way.

One night, I saw that someone online was selling a copy of the Emulations “These Are the Things,” a magnificent soul ballad 7″ out of Oakland. I wasn’t exactly homesick for the Bay Area, but something about the song’s roots, as well as its overwhelming feeling of optimistic yearning, resonated with (through?) me. There’s a moment when the singer’s falsetto peaks, and the piano starts cascading, and things feel like they’re going to work out after all. The copy for sale wasn’t in great shape, and it cost $100, an extravagant amount of money to spend on a piece of music. But I convinced myself that I’d feel better at some point, weeks, months, or years later, and I’d listen to my Emulations single, and recall that weird summer/fall.

As often happened with independently produced records of the sixties and seventies, “These Are the Things” was pressed on styrene, rather than vinyl. Styrene is a kind of plastic that’s lighter, cheaper and much more fragile than vinyl, and you can tell the difference by a kind of hollow plink when you put it on a turntable. Styrene also means that it has a limited life, and that each time the needle drags across its grooves, the record degrades a little bit. Over time, styrene records that get played a lot no longer sound as crisp or clear (or so it seems). I listened to it once it arrived, feeling a bit of regret at this wild expenditure, but also imagining my future self’s gratitude. I imagined entering into communion with everyone who had played this copy before me. I decided to only listen to the song once a year, if that--after all, each time I listened to the record, the song was changing, slightly.

A few months later, I felt normal (whatever that means) again, and the record became a marker of...I’m not sure what--maybe a kind of blind, stubborn optimism. Someone years later uploaded the song onto YouTube, which means I can listen to it whenever I want. This fall, I was trying and failing to spend less time on the Internet. But I decided that, instead of going on Twitter and Facebook, I would just read comments fans left on YouTube. I became obsessed with reading all the intimate histories people shared with one another--the chance encounters, the teenage dates and breakups, the seventies shop owners who recalled the days when stocking the right hit single could cover an entire month’s rent. I was listening to the Emulations when I noticed this comment, from Deric Jackson, who was apparently one of the group’s members: “I sung this song when I was 19yrs old. It was a pleasure to record and send this messageout into the airways. I have been with the women that God had given me to marry when I was 22yrs old. I did not understand at that time I was singing about my own life and the women who I had not met, but how wonderful it is to be with my wife fo 35yrs and life is still a breath of fresh air and wonderful. I would like to say to all real men love your wife, never worship her only one to worship is God alone.“ I’m pretty agnostic about most things relating to providence. But I felt as though I had been living in these words: “I did not understand at that time...” Jackson’s song was a prophecy, maybe even a conjuring, of his own path, and I wonder what he hears when he listens to it now. Sometimes you don’t know what’s coming next. But there’s always another song, and it doesn’t always sound the same as the last time.

(LATE 2017 BUT I REALLY DOUBT ANYONE NOTICED AKA THE FRENCH “MO BAMBA”) Junior Bvndo, “T’as ça #3 (Kylian Mbappe)”

I WILL LISTEN TO ANYTHING THAT USES DISTORTION Sheck Wes, “Wanted” OR OLD SCHOOL STABS Santi feat. Shane Eagle and Amaarae, “Rapid Fire” EVEN MORE THAN THAT, I LIKE THINGS THAT SOUND MESSY AND SLOPPY BUT ARE ACTUALLY PERFECT Caleb Giles featuring Cleo Reed, “Name” WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN AS GOOD AS IF IT HAD BEEN PERFECT, THE WARPED AND SMUDGED BEAUTY IS WHAT MAKES IT BEAUTIFUL Tirzah, Devotion Niagara, Apologia SAME, BUT SLIGHTLY OFF-STEP Blood Orange, “Charcoal Baby” THE BEST GENRE OF MUSIC REMAINS “SADE” Sade, “Flower of the Universe” and “The Big Unknown” Amber Mark, “Love is Stronger Than Pride” Bon Iver and Moses Sumney, “By Your Side” Kelela, “Like a Tattoo” 808s AND HEARTBREAK AND NEAR-OCTOGENERIANS Swamp Dogg, “She’s All Mind All Mind” I WASN’T AS ENAMORED WITH A LOT OF “NEW JAZZ” BUT DID LIKE Sam Wilkes, Wilkes Sam Gendel and Sam Wilkes, Music for Saxofone & Bass Guitar …WHICH REMINDED ME A BIT OF THIS FACEMELTING REISSUE (RIYL: ALICE COLTRANE, DON CHERRY, ETC ETC) John Tchicai, With Strings SPEAKING OF TERRIFIC JAZZ-ADJACENT STUFF Dos Santos, “Manos Anjenas” THE ORIGINAL “BIG MOOD” Okonkolo, Cantos THE YEAR I REALLY REKINDLED MY LOVE OF THE CELLO Clarice Jensen, For This From That Will Be Filled Oliver Coates, “A Church” …WHICH I DEFINITELY PREFER TO VIOLIN--ESP PIZZICATO--THOUGH THIS WAS QUITE GOOD Sudan Archives, “Nont for Sale” HARPS ALWAYS SOUND GOOD Leya, The Fool Meg Baird and Mary Lattimore, Ghost Forests ALWAYS HAVE TIME FOR WOODBLOCKS AND VIBES Kate NV, для FOR AS WELL AS MIAMI BASS SIGNIFIERS (KICKSTARTER FOR CITY GIRLS TO RAP OVER DJ BATTLECAT IN 2019) City Girls, “Act Up” AND BANJO DRONE...WHY NOT Nathan Bowles, Plainly Mistaken ALBUMS THAT I LIKED IN 2018, AND THAT I SENSE I WILL LIKE EVEN MORE BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR Ben LaMarr Gay, Downtown Castles Can Never Block the Sun Neneh Cherry, Broken Politics AN ALBUM THAT I WISH WAS TEN ALBUMS Tierra Whack, Whack World AN ALBUM I WISH WAS JUST A LITTLE BIT LONGER Pusha-T, Daytona OF THE MANY REASONS I MOURN THE DEATH OF “THE ALBUM,” ONE IS THAT I ALWAYS LIKE TO HEAR WHAT PEOPLE DO WITH THAT LAST SONG YG, “Bomptown Finest” OR HOW ALBUMS, FULL OF SIGNS, ANGLES, FLEETING MOMENTS, CIRCULATE AND RE-CIRCULATE Angelique Kidjo, Remain in Light AND HOW THEY ARE LIKE WHAT NOVELS REPRESENTED IN THE AGE OF POETRY—OPPORTUNITIES TO LIVE INSIDE COMPLEXITY, SPACE, A DEMOS U.S. Girls, In a Poem Unlimited ONE OF THE BEST ALBUMS OF THE YEAR WAS A SOUNDTRACK... Kendrick Lamar et al, Black Panther AND TEASER FOR  Jay Rock, Redemption AND ANOTHER WAS JUST SOME RAP SONGS Earl Sweatshirt, Some Rap Songs WHICH ISN’T TO SAY ARTISTS DON’T STILL VALUE AND HAVE FUN WITH THE FORMAT Vince Staples, FM A TWENTY-FIVE TRACK ADVENTURE INTO VIBES Pink Siifu, ensley AND SOMETIMES TWENTY MINUTES OR SO IS ENOUGH boygenius, boygenius ONE MORE ALBUM THING – FIRST SONGS HAVE ALWAYS FELT LIKE THESIS STATEMENTS, AND STREAMING HAS ONLY APPLIED MORE PRESSURE TO THE SOOTHING, BEWITCHING, PERFECT WELCOME Mac Miller, “Come Back to Earth” MAC MILLER AND THUNDERCAT LOOK SO HAPPY HERE whole thing, but esp six minutes in, and even more so about nine minutes in THE BEST VIBES Show Dem Camp feat. Boj and Ajebutter 22, “Damiloun” Koffee, “Toast” HAPPY-GO-LUCKY B/W DEVIL-MAY-CARE Shoreline Mafia, “Nun Major” I LIKE NEF AND EPs PERFECTLY SUIT HIM Nef the Pharaoh and 03 Greedo, Porter 2 Grape 

RAPPING AS FAST AS YOU CAN OVER FREESTYLE/HI-NRG WILL NEVER SOUND BAD TO ME… SOB X RBE, “Paid in Full” SOB X RBE, “Carpoolin’” …ALTHOUGH THEY ALSO SOUND SICK OVER FAKE GHOST DOG BEATS, TOO, THIS WAS ONE OF MY SONGS OF THE YEAR SOB X RBE, “Paramedic!” SAME WITH MEDHANE Medhane, “The Garden” TRIPPIE REDD PUTS OUT A LOT OF MUSIC FILLED WITH TRANSCENDENT MOMENTS, BUT RARELY MAKES TRANSCENDENT SONGS, AND IT PAINS ME A BIT THAT MY FAVORITE SONG OF HIS THIS YEAR WAS Diplo featuring Trippie Redd, “Wish” TRIPPY-ASS DOO-WOP Cuco, “Sunnyside” A STRONG HARMONY IS A VISION OF WHAT LIFE COULD BE Ben Pirani, “How Do I Talk to My Brother?” WHERE WERE U IN 94 Young Echo, Young Echo SWEAR I'VE NEVER HEARD MUSIC THIS “GREY” ManOnMars, ManOnMars IF YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE A FAKE D’ANGELO SONG, IT SHOULD BE THIS GOOD Patrick Paige III, “Voodoo” LIKED THIS, BUT IT’S ALSO POSSIBLE TO BE A BIT TOO FAITHFUL TO THE PAST Teyana Taylor, “Hold On” NOT QUITE FAYE WONG DOING THE CRANBERRIES (RIP DOLORES O’RIORDAN) BUT STILL MEMORABLE Katherine Ho, “Yellow” LIKE THE BEST PARTS OF FEELS-ERA ANIMAL COLLECTIVE, BUT TAIWANESE Prairie WWWW

NEVER THOUGHT TO VISIT THE LOUVRE UNTIL The Carters, “Apeshit” video BROWN EXCELLENCE Humeysha, Departures "BROWN BEATS” FOREVER RIP Cameron Paul

MY FAVORITE DISCOVERY OF THE YEAR Pharoah Sanders playing “Kazuko” in a tunnel near the Marin Headlands LIKE NONE OF ITS INFLUENCES (FOOTWORK, AMBIENT), LIKE NOTHING ELSE OUT THERE, REALLY Foodman, Aru Otoko No Densetsu DARESAY SKI MASK WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN BOOED OUT OF THE CIPHER Ski Mask the Slump God, Beware the Book of Eli THE MOST FAMOUS PERSON I’VE SEEN ON THE BIG SCREEN AT THE PAST THREE YEARS’ NETS GAMES IS Young M.A., “PettyWap” DEMOS FROM A GROUP I HAVE ALWAYS ADORED, BEFORE THEY FOUND THE SOUND THAT I ADORE The Nonce, 1990 EXTREMELY GOOD AND LARGELY OVERLOOKED REISSUE Suzanne Menzel, Goodbyes and Beginnings FOUR TET IS GOING THROUGH HIS LIVE ARCHIVES, AND IT’S A TREAT TO STUDY HIS ARC/EVOLUTION  Live at Hultsfred Festival, 18th June 2004 Live at LPR New York, 17th February 2010 Live in Tokyo, 1st December 2013 Live at Funkhaus Berlin, 10th May 2018 STRANGE TO LIVE IN A MOMENT WHERE BEING WEIRD SEEMS A BIT DERIVATIVE. STILL, THIS IS BLISSFUL SahBabii, “Anime World” HAPPY FACE Smino, “Klink” SAD FACE Drake, “In My Feelings” (especially this version) “JIM FROM THE OFFICE” FACE Pusha-T, “The Story of Adidon” STOLE YOUR FACE Sophie, “Faceshopping” FACE/OFF YG and Mozzy, “Too Brazy” Sammy Bananas feat Antony and Cleopatra, “Slow Down” Kode 9 and Burial, Fabriclive 100 GASSED FACE E-40 and B-Legit, “Whooped" ABSOLUTELY FACEMELTING Todd Barton and Ursula K. Le Guin, Music and Poetry of the Kesh VACATION AWAY MESSAGE SiR, “D’Evils” Bad Bunny x PJ Sin Suela x Nejo, “Cual Es Tu Plan” BEST OPENING DISCLAIMER TO A VIDEO 808INK, “Come Down” “TAGS: LATIN CHORAL CUMBIA GOTH LOS ANGELES” San Cha, “Cosmic Ways”

BEST USE OF “OOCHIE WALLY,” STILL ONE OF MY FAVORITE BEATS EVER Stefflon Don, “Oochie Wally freestyle” BEST USE OF “SUPERTHUG” Rico Nasty, “Countin’ Up” EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS--THE HEADBANG MINIMALISM, THE LAS VEGAS WALGREENS--BUT ESPECIALLY THE LINE ABOUT WELLS FARGO Rico Nasty, “Trust Issues” “ORGASM ADDICT” (RIP PETE SHELLEY) Victor Oladipo, “One Day” “I JUST TOOK A FLIGHT TO FRANCE TO COP CARDIGANS” Black Thought and Styles P, “Making a Murderer” “AT THE EMIRATES I MILLY ROCK” Manzo and Malachi Amour, “Lingard” DOPE TUNE, AND UNEXPECTED KELLYANNE CONWAY REFERENCE JPEGMAFIA, “1539 N. Calvert” YEAH YEAH YEAH (RIP MARK E SMITH) Travis Scott and Drake, “Sicko Mode” R-E-S-P-E-C-T (RIP ARETHA FRANKLIN) Rosalia, El Mal Querer REEL DEAL, “DRIPPIN’ DOPE (SAXAPELLA)” (1989) Gunna, “Top Off” WAMP WAMP (WHAT IT DO) B/W WAIT (THE WHISPER SONG) Vallee feat. Jeremih, “Womp Womp” SAD REGGAETON IS NOT BAD Bad Bunny, “Solo De Mi” SOUNDS GOOD TO ME, 2002-PRESENT Temani, “Power” Westerman, “Confirmation” REAL LIES, POET LAUREATS OF “YOUNG PEOPLE THINKING ABOUT BEING OLD” Tom Demac and Real Lies, “White Flowers” A SONG DESIGNED TO SOUND LIKE IT CAME OUT THIRTY YEARS AGO, WHICH ALSO FEELS LIKE IT CAME OUT A MILLION YEARS AGO (IT WAS JUST JANUARY) Bruno Mars feat. Cardi B, “Finesse (remix)” TAY-K WAS JUST A YEAR AGO Comethazine, “Highriser” FAVORITE 2 BRIDGES MUSIC ARTS “MIGHT AS WELL” RANDOM PURCHASE OF THE YEAR  Kizaki Ondo Preservation Society and Clark Naito, 木崎音頭 Kizaki Ondo FEELS LIKE IT CAME OUT TEN YEARS AGO (IT WAS JUST JAN/FEB) BUT I NEVER GREW TIRED OF IT Rich the Kid, “Plug Walk” ODDLY REASSURING THAT PEOPLE STILL JANGLE Massage, “Oh Boy” Earth Dad, “Walter” ...AND DISCOVER WORLDS FROM WITHIN THEIR BEDROOMS Soccer Mommy, Clean ...AND EXPLORE THE CONTOURS OF GROWLING AND NAGGING Sada Baby and Drego, “Bloxk Party” ...AND CAN USE THE PAST TO MAKE SOMETHING SO VISIONARY AND FORWARD-THINKING Virginia Wing, Ecstatic Arrow Mitski, Be A Cowboy ...AND LOOKING FOR FOURTH WORLDS Arp, Zebra ...AND MAKE IMPOSSIBLE RHYTHMS Heavee, WFM ...AND THAT ARTISTS I HAD NEVER HEARD OF, WORKING IN IDIOMS I HAD NEVER HEARD OF, MIGHT STILL BLOW MY MIND Odunsi (the Engine), rare. JUNGLE LIVES X-Altera, “Blowing Up the Workshop” mix TOP THREE TIMES I SAW STANDING ON THE CORNER THIS YEAR 3 - The Merciful Allah Black Hole Theatre 2 - The Time it All Ended with Fireworks on Grand St. 1 - An Empty Storefront During a Blizzard

{HONORABLE MENTIONS -The Time They Brought a Monolith -THEME DE YE-YO [Respect to the Gods]} SONG OF THE SPRING, SUMMER, WINTER, YEAR,  STILL UNDEFEATED ### A CHURCH AND JOHN LENNON’S “IMAGINE” :: 2017 SIKH DEVOTIONAL MUSIC :: 2016 SPOOKY BLACK :: 2015

[aclockworkfilmsnob]

I went out with my droog and saw the stage adaptation of A Clockwork Orange and it was really really gay and at first I thought it was because I was drunk but then Alex and Georgie started kissing and I was like "WHAAAAAAA" but yeah whatevs 6/10 it was alright, entertaining as fuck for clockwork orange fans but it doesn't re introduce a story in a way to be inviting for new audiences. Not even joking when I say Pete was one of the best parts because he was given so much flamboyancy and character, he was more energetic and animated than he was in either the book or film and the actor who played him was out of this world and hilarious. Georgie was the one who lacked any real character in this one and was only really used to push some kind of gay agenda that didn't have as effective a payoff as I wanted it to, but I guess I appreciated them doing stuff differently. Also he's heavily implied to have been in an abusive relationship with Alex, and this does SORT OF give him something of intrigue in the story, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel a little forced. Expand on it more and I think you have a great, and pretty provocative sub plot.

Mr. Deltoid was integreated in to the story well and he's given a lot of good comedic moments, but his introduction was forced and some lines of exposition he delivers is really out of place and kind of lazy. Believe it or not this play is actually MORE on the nose than the book and the film, and on one hand I appreciate that they had a sense of self awareness to them when adapting this story to the stage, but I feel as though it could have been presented in a more inspired and interesting way. The Prison Chaplain was alright but he didn't have that extra dimension of implied creepy pervert that made him so interesting originally, and Dr. Brodsky much like Deltoid came off as a bit too much of an exposition dump.

All of the F. Alexander stuff is pretty meh… the rape scene is very swift and isn't nearly as disturbing or uncomfortsble as it is in the film, nor is it even as funny or exciting, it just kind of happens. And his return in the third act also left me lukewarm, they sort of throw away his sympathy of being a crippled, broken man for the sake of a few jokes.

Dr. Branom was changed drastically by being in the story longer and even given something of a "character arc" which added to the idea of morality being an illusion very well. But Alex himself is really more of an unlikable punk than a well rounded character, the actor who played him was phenomenal (I just have to say it, every actor did a perfect job bringing this thing to life) but I could see first time viewers watching this and not really finding any reason to latch on to him emotionally.

It was interesting to have every actor be male, especially in playing female roles (which was not established well for people watching it for the first time, there were some characters I knew they were trying to portray as female but first time audiences could have easily missed) but it could be distracting when most of them are playing multiple roles with not much wardrobe change. It was an interesting Stylistic choice to have more than the droogs wear suspenders, but man I could see that confusing the fuck out of people who don't know the story by heart. Especially when the actors who played Pete, Georgie, and Dim are wearing an eerily similar getup, acting violently, and not given much set up in the scene, I can see people thinking that they were actually Alex's droogs. Also, a HELL of a missed opportunity to have actors play multiple roles, and not have the same actor play Deltoid and Frederick. The parallel is so clear in the film to the point where it's thematically brilliant.

I definetly have a big complaint in a lot of the balletic dance sequences. Of course I'm all for choreographing ultraviolence to look cool and stylistic, and for the most part they succeed at that, but my bog does it ever feel like it only exists to be showy and cool. They're so big, bombastic, and stylized, yet their purpose is so minimal in the plot and emotional flow. The billy-boy fight scene was good, and actually manifesting Alex's Dream in the hospital into one of these dance sequences was a brilliant idea but I don't think it was utilized to its full potential (I.E. having not much to do with what's actually going on in his gulliver for about 80% of it).

The music choice was rather odd. I liked it in concept, it's mostly very modern tackling a myriad of different music genres, all of which appeal to edgy teenagers and that kind of serve the overall ideals well. But I could see this dating very quickly. If this play was preformed 40 years from now with the exact same soundtrack I kind of get the feeling that it would be made fun of for how stuck in the 2010's it is, which is unfortunate for two source materials that are so timeless. The very few times Beethoven is utilized it harmonizes beautifully, it never feels forced or inserted just because it has to be there, it actually elevates the on stage action fantastically. But maybe they felt this had to stand on its own, and while I respect that greatly, I do feel it suffered in quality as a result.

Sound mixing on the other hand, phenomenal. I could slooshy the moans very realistic, like it was made in Hollywood. Speaking of which, the ludovico technique scene is pretty good, with Alex's glazzies being held open by human hands instead of lidlocks, it was very off putting in its own right and overall it worked, even though Alex's actual reactions could have been paced more smoothly.

The lighting was so beautiful and it manages to make every scene visually interesting, I was entranced by this aspect alone.

Honestly, as a hardcore fan of A Clockwork Orange, there was never a real dull moment for me in this play, I was laser focused the whole time and I was absolutely never bored. But that's because my love for the story is an obsession to put it lightly, and I will always be interested in different ways of interpreting it. More than a few beers with a good friend and nearly 100 dollars later, I'd say it was a night well spent, but this is NOT the next big thing for ACO, despite its popularity growing larger than I expected. It really doesn't push the envelope in the way the book and film did, besides the homosexuality stuff, which offered an admittedly interesting angle with some great ideas, but it never really stuck out by the second half. If for whatever reason the show returned to NYC in the future, I don't think I'd see it again, not unless I like won free tickets on a radio contest or something. But seeing a new take on one of your all time favorite stories is always interesting and overall I'd say it was worth seeing for curiosity sake.

[mbtizone]

Veronica Lodge (Riverdale): ESFP

Dominant Extroverted Sensing [Se]: When Veronica moves from New York to Riverdale, she adapts to her new environment very quickly. She has no qualms about immersing herself in an unfamiliar town. She walks right up to people she doesn’t know and casually strikes a conversation. Veronica enjoys sensory pleasures and activities. She’s athletic, a gifted dancer, a skilled singer, and she cares very much about her physical appearance, as she spends a lot of time grooming and pampering herself. She’s very fashionable and appreciates the finer things in life. On Veronica’s first day at Riverdale, she immediately wants to know about the social scene and whether Riverdale has any nightclubs. She also quickly points out the school’s unappealing, dated decor. Veronica has a tendency to be a little impulsive. She goes into the closet with Archie to stop Cheryl from going in with him, but once she’s in there, she gets caught up in the moment and kisses him, knowing how Betty feels about him. She doesn’t hesitate to stand up to gang members. Veronica enjoys absorbing all that society has to offer, which gives her an arsenal of pop culture references to whip out at any given moment. When Veronica apologizes, she usually makes up for her mistakes with physical things (flowers, cupcakes, a spa day). Veronica looks for opportunities in her environment and seizes them – when Archie no longer needs Veronica for their duet because Valerie left the Pussycats, Veronica is offended at just being his backup choice (though, she’s more upset about witnessing their parents kiss), she immediately finds Josie and takes Valerie’s old spot. Veronica enjoyed her status in New York. She loved her Central Park views, eating at the very best restaurants, and buying designer clothing and accessories. She revels in scoring a date with one of the most popular and attractive guys in school. Veronica has no problem being the center of attention and is disappointed when her status as the new girl doesn’t inspire the intrigue in her classmates that she had expected. Veronica loves going out, socializing, living in the moment, and attending parties (“any excuse to wear a cute party dress”).

Auxiliary Introverted Feeling [Fi]: Veronica has a strong sense of right and wrong, which is the main reason she clashes with her mother. What Hiram is doing from jail is wrong. Hiring the Serpents to decrease the value of the land that the Twilight Drive-In is on is not okay. He’s ruining people’s lives! Ethel’s father tried to kill himself because of what her father did. She wants to remain loyal to her father, but she can’t because he is directly responsible for the suffering of so many people. When Veronica wants to make amends, or wants to relate to others, she usually does something (giving Betty gifts, inviting Ethel to hang out). Even though she knows it will hurt Betty, Veronica decides that she needs to investigate FP because she needs to know the truth about her father – whatever the truth is. Betty might feel a sense of loyalty to the Jones family, but Veronica doesn’t. She agrees to search FP’s trailer for herself. It’s something she has to do. She’s not helping to find out who killed Jason, or to help catch a killer and expose the truth to the world. She’s doing it because she wants to know what kind of man her father really is. She has no desire to work with Betty until she starts to become suspicious of her father. When Archie decides to do the duet with Valerie instead of her, Veronica lashes out about his lack of integrity and admonishes him for not being loyal. When Veronica’s upset, she doesn’t wallow in her grief – she takes action. Veronica refuses to give the contract to Fred after her mother requests that she sign it, and is furious when she discovers that Hermione forged her signature because everything was taken from her when her father went to jail – everything, except, as Hermione said, her name. And when Hermione forged her signature, that was taken from her, too. Veronica tries to make up for the person she used to be by showing kindness and empathy to the people she meets at Riverdale High because she once bullied someone so badly that they had to transfer schools. Veronica doesn’t want to be that person anymore. She wants to be a better version of herself, so she reaches out to both Ethel and Cheryl (who isn’t always deserving of Veronica’s compassion). Veronica even tells the Muggs family who she is and tries to apologize for her father’s actions. Veronica is disgusted with her mother when she implies that Veronica should use her budding relationship with Archie to get him to talk to his father about accepting Hiram and Hermione’s offer to buy Fred out.

Tertiary Extroverted Thinking [Te]: “I don’t follow rules, I make them, and when necessary, I break them.” Veronica does what she feels needs to be done in any situation and is quick to take action. When Chuck gives her a “Sticky Maple,” Veronica immediately decides to get revenge. Veronica is willing to do whatever it takes to achieve her goals. She wants to know if her father was involved in Jason’s death, so she recruits Archie to help her break into FP’s trailer to search for evidence. She reads through Hiram’s files in order to figure out what’s going on between her family and the Blossoms. When she notices that there were large payments coming to Lodge Industries from Blossom Maple Farms and that these payments stopped when her father was incarcerated, the logical conclusion she comes to is that Clifford Blossom could’ve been behind Hiram’s arrest in an attempt to get out of making those monthly payments. She immediately wants to act on this information and tell her father’s lawyers, but Hermione considers it from all angles, telling Veronica that it could implicate Hiram in Jason’s murder and make things worse. Even though she cares about other people’s feelings, Veronica doesn’t refrain from telling it like it is and speaking harsh truths that other people doesn’t necessarily want to hear. She tells Betty that before she came, she was pining after Archie, but too afraid to tell him how she felt. Veronica is very practical and is typically able to come up with logical solutions and answers. When Betty and Archie can’t find Jughead in the middle of the night, it’s Veronica who instantly knows that he must be at Pop’s (the only place in Riverdale that’s open 24/7).

Inferior Introverted Intuition [Ni]: Sometimes, Veronica behaves recklessly because she doesn’t fully consider the consequences of her actions in the heat of the moment. She has a strong concept of symbolism, and after finding out that Ethel’s dad attempted to kill himself because of what Veronica’s father did, Veronica breaks down and rips the pearl necklace from her neck (a gift from her father), signifying the end of her allegiance to her father. When Veronica tries to seek forgiveness from Betty after kissing Archie, she presents her with yellow flowers because yellow represents friendship. Veronica doesn’t often think of the future, but she does occasionally visualize the way she wants things to be. She felt that being Betty’s best friend was her fate, and that she sabotaged her destiny by kissing Archie. When she sees her mother kissing Fred, she wonders what will happen when her father is eventually released from prison. Veronica is good with metaphors and often utilizes them in conversation. Veronica and Hermione are “like a cobra and a mongoose dancing.” She relates to Ethel, who can’t describe what she’s going through at home with her parents, but Veronica totally gets it, and describes it by saying it’s “like you’re trapped in a slow-motion car crash.” Veronica spends a lot of time working towards her goal of being a better person than she was in New York. However, she sometimes forgets her objective and makes shortsighted choices that ultimately set her back in her quest for self-improvement.

Enneagram: 7w8 8w7 3w4 Sx/So

Quotes:

Veronica: I’m filled with dread. Archie: Why is that? Veronica: Are you familiar with the works of Truman Capote? I’m Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but this place is strictly In Cold Blood.

Betty: So, I usually start off my tours with a little history and context. Riverdale High first opened its doors in 1941 and- Veronica: And hasn’t been redecorated since, apparently. Honestly, I feel like I’m wandering through the lost epilogue of Our Town. Betty: Uh-huh. Veronica: So what’s the social scene like here? Any night clubs? Kevin: A strip club called the Ho Zone and a tragic gay bar called Innuendo. Friday nights, football games and then tailgate parties at the Mallmart parking lot. Saturday night is movie night, regardless of what’s playing at the Bijou, and you better get there early, because we don’t have reserved seating in Riverdale. And Sunday nights… Thank God for HBO. Betty: Veronica Lodge, Kevin Keller. Veronica’s new here. Kevin is- Veronica: Gay, thank God. Let’s be best friends. Kevin: Is it true what they say about your dad? Veronica: That he’s the devil incarnate? I stand by my father. Does everyone here know? Wonderful. Ten minutes in and I’m already the Blue Jasmine of Riverdale High.

Archie: So how’s your first day going? Good? Veronica: Not to be a complete narcissist, but I thought people would be more- Kevin: Obsessed with you? Any other year, you’d be trending number one, for sure. This year, though, it’s all about Cheryl trying to win the Best Supporting Psycho Oscar for her role as Riverdale High’s bereaved Red Widow.

Veronica: Guys, can’t we just liberate ourselves from the tired dichotomy of jock/artist? Can’t we, in this post James Franco world, be all things at once?

Kevin: “Dear Betty, please forgive me, XOXO, V.” Who the hell is “V”? Betty: Veronica. Veronica: Veronica. The yellow is for friendship. I also had Magnolia cupcakes flown in from New York. Because, as my mom likes to say, “There’s no wrong the right cupcake can’t fix.” Also, I’ve booked us for hers-and-hers mani-pedis at Chez Salon. Blowouts, too. I am so, so sorry, Betty. I don’t know what happened to me that night. It was such a basic bitch move. It was like I was possessed by- Kevin: Madame Satan? Veronica: The old Veronica. And I will never, ever do anything like that to you again. I swear on my mother’s pearls. Just, can you please give me one more chance? Betty: Okay. Veronica: What? Kevin: What? Veronica: Really? Awesome. I’ll take it and you won’t regret it. Betty: Okay. Veronica: And I’ll bring these to lunch so we can celebrate!

Veronica: I know everyone grieves differently, but Cheryl’s hosting a pep rally to cope with her loss. That’s either brilliant, or psychotic, or both. Betty: Yeah, well, at least Cheryl’s not putting on an act. Pretending she’s a butterfly when really she’s a wasp. Veronica: For the record, the only reason I went into that closet with Archie was so that Cheryl wouldn’t. Betty: Oh, so you did it to protect me? Veronica: Damn straight. Betty: Okay, so nothing happened between you and Archie in the closet, then? Yeah, that’s what I thought. You know, Archie and I were fine before you got here. Veronica: If by “fine”, you mean he was oblivious and you were pining after him in quiet desperation. Betty: We were friends, at least. Veronica: You were walking on emotional eggshells around him, scared to tell him the truth. Betty: Okay, you don’t know me, Veronica. Veronica: It is not my fault he doesn’t like you. If that’s what you’re thinking. It’s not anyone’s fault. It’s not even stupid Archie’s. It’s just how it is. Most of the time the people we like don’t like us back. Romeo and Juliet are the exception, not the rule.

Veronica: Is, uh, Betty still mad at you? Archie: We’re back to no texting. What about you? Veronica: I’m back to being the shallow, toxic, rich bitch who ruins everything in her path. Which is unfortunate, because even though I only just met Betty, it really felt like we were meant to be best friends. Like… Like it was our destiny, and now… It’s like there was this train that was heading to the rest of my life and I just missed it.

Veronica: What the hell is a Sticky Maple? Kevin: It’s kind of what it sounds like. It’s a Riverdale thing. Veronica: No, Kevin, it’s a slut-shaming thing. And I’m neither a slut, nor am I going to be shamed by someone named, excuse me, Chuck Clayton. Does he really think he can get away with this? Does he not know who I am? I will cut the brakes on his souped-up phallic symbol. Betty: Or we can go to Principal Weatherbee. Veronica: About the coach’s son? Who is captain of the football team, and Riverdale High’s resident golden boy? Betty: Or I can expose him in the pages of the Blue and Gold. Yeah, I can do that! Veronica: No. Spoken like a true good girl who always follows the rules. Well, I don’t follow rules, I make them, and when necessary, I break them. You wanna help me get revenge on Chuck, Betty, awesome. But you better be willing to go full dark, no stars. What do you say, in or out?

Kevin: Southside trash. Veronica: They’ve been doing that since the opening credits. Kevin: Shh! Veronia: Hey! You know what happens to a snake when a Louboutin heel steps on it? Shut the hell up, or you’ll find out! Kevin: I cannot believe you just threatened a gang-banger. Veronica: I’ve dealt with worse in the East Village. I just hate when people disrespect my cinematic experience.

Hermione: Veronica. Veronica: What the hell was that? I saw you with that biker guy, that Serpent. And don’t tell me you were just being polite. Hermione: I was handling some unfinished business for your father. Veronica: I’m gonna need more than that, Mom. Details, specifics. Hermione: All right, then. Your father hired the Southside Serpents to help decrease the value of the drive-in’s land so he could purchase it at a cheaper price using an offshore LLC. What you saw was me paying them for a job well done. Veronica: So Daddy’s the anonymous buyer? And he’s doing this from jail? Hermione: He has an extremely long reach, your father. And he’s sunk every last penny that we have into this deal. Veronica: So Dad really is- Hermione: Dad is a businessman. He saw an opportunity, and he took it. And it was happening anyway. Old Riverdale’s dying. He’s just simply helping it along. Veronica: But it’s wrong. Hermione: Wrong? Well, did you like living at the Dakota with a Central Park view? Did you like your personal shopping account at Barneys? How about our family dinners at Jean Georges? Your Hermes? Veronica: Those were just things, Mom- Hermione: That was our life, Ronnie, provided to us by your father.

Veronica: Are you gonna leave Dad when he gets out of jail? Hermione: Honey, why would you ask such a thing? Veronica: I saw you, Mom. With Fred Andrews in the trailer. Hermione: Oh, Veronica. Honey, I am so sorry that you did. But I want you to know that we’ve… We’ve never even kissed before. Until today. Veronica: What about Dad? What happens when he comes home? Hermione: I’m not sure. I’m so sorry, baby. It just happened, Veronica. And I know that this must be confusing. Veronica: Yeah, it is. Hermione: So, what can I do to help? Veronica: You know what, Mom? There’s actually nothing.

Veronica: Not to be that girl, Archie, but I didn’t get the memo we were adding another voice to the mix. Archie: Ronnie, hey. Great news! Valerie quit the Pussycats. Veronica: So, that makes me what, then? Backup? Archie: No. I mean, you were just doing it as a favor to me, right? Veronica: You are unbelievable, Archie. You literally have zero loyalty, you ginger Judas! Archie: Hey, Ronnie. What’s wrong? Veronica: What’s wrong, Archie, besides the fact that you have no integrity whatsoever, is that your father kissed my mother. Valerie: Um – Maybe I should leave. Archie: No, hold on. Hold on. When my dad told me how he felt, it seemed like they were both really into each other. Veronica: They’re married to other people. Archie: Hey, my mom and dad are separated and your dad is… Veronica: My dad is what? Archie: He’s – He’s incarcerated, right? Veronica: That is so not the point, Archie! Archie: Of course not. Of course not. I’m sorry. You’re right. Do you wanna talk about it? We can go somewhere and talk. Or… do you want your part back? Veronica: Oh, don’t do me any favors, Archie.

Hermione: I know you’re not his biggest fan right now, but I was hoping you would sign it. Veronica: Why would I need to sign it? Hermione: When your father was arrested, we made you a legal officer of Lodge Industries. Surprise! And two out of three signatures are needed to award the contract, which your father wants to give to a less than legit outfit. Veronica: And you want my help giving it to your boyfriend. I was gonna apologize to you. If I sign that, will you stop seeing Fred Andrews? Hermione: Ronnie, I can’t agree to that. Veronica: In that case, Mom, I’m sorry, but no. However you’re rationalizing what you’re doing with Archie’s dad, I don’t want any part of it.

Veronica: Honestly, guys, we should just move.

Kevin: So how’s the cold war at home? Veronica: Ugh. Horrible. Look, I hate fighting with my mom, but until she’s ready to admit and to own, that she forged my name to help her illicit trysting with Fred Andrews, I can’t blink, Kevin. She needs to make the next move. Kevin: And what if she doesn’t blink? Veronica: Back in New York, whenever I needed to blow off some steam, or force my mother’s hand, I’d go out on a bender, dancing with my fave celebrity gal-pal, my best gay, and some dim-witted, sexy, disposable arm-candy. That’s Josie, you. Kevin: Honored. Veronica: And as for my arm-candy – He’ll do.

Betty: But if she can’t live at home, then I don’t know, I can rent her an apartment. Veronica: Let me talk to my mom. Betty:No, you have your own stuff you’re dealing with right now, V. Veronica: Betty, Polly needs doctors, she needs prenatal vitamins…

Hermione: What do you want? Veronica: For you to admit what you did. Hermione: Fine. I kissed Fred Andrews. Veronica: No, Mom, the other thing. It involves you forging my signature to get Fred Andrews that stupid contract to build on Dad’s land. Hermione: Veronica, I asked you to sign that- Veronica: You broke the law, Mom, and you used me to do it. When Daddy finds out, he’s gonna think I betrayed him. Hermione: He won’t, I will tell him. Veronica: Really? When? Right now? Because I’ll cancel my plans for that. Hermione: You know it doesn’t work that way. Veronica: In that case, I’ll talk to you later, my friends are waiting. Hermione: Ronnie, do not go out that door. Veronica!

Josie: Mmm-mmm, girl. You better hydrate. You practically left your body on the dance floor. Veronica: I wish, Josie. I wish I could leave my body sometimes. Leave Riverdale, leave everything. Kevin: Is any of this helping? Going out, going Black Swan, any of it? Veronica: When my dad got arrested, the police, the lawyers, the judge, the courts, they took everything from us. Our houses, our cars, our club memberships, our yacht, even, I’m not kidding, the clothes off our backs. Anyway, my mom sat me down on the edge of my canopy bed and she told me not to cry. Because there was one thing in this world that no one could ever take from me. Not ever. Reggie: Your trust fund? Veronica: My name, Reggie. Which, after telling me no one would ever take it, that is exactly what she did. Like it meant nothing. It was nothing. Like I was nothing.

Veronica: This is how we Lodge women roll. We feint, we parry, we approach, we retreat. We’re like a cobra and a mongoose dancing. She blinked, which means, I suspect, that Hermione Lodge is ready to negotiate.

Veronica: I just wanted to tell you how moved I was by your poem. It felt like you were tapping into something pretty dark, but also pretty real. And I don’t want to overstep But is everything all right, Ethel? Ethel: Things at home aren’t great. My mom and dad are fighting, but they won’t tell me about what. It’s like this really bad thing is happening, and there’s nothing that I can do to stop it. Veronica: Like you’re trapped in a slow-motion car crash. Yeah, I know the feeling. Listen, Ethel. It sounds like you need some cheering up. Which happens to be a Veronica Lodge specialty. So If you’re free tomorrow, come over for lunch and pampering. Kevin will be there. Yeah, come on, it’ll be fun. Just please say yes. Ethel: All right, sure. Veronica: Yeah? Ethel: Yeah. Veronica: Great, I’ll see you tomorrow. Kevin: So What was that about? Veronica: Ethel’s poem was a cry for help if I ever heard one, the likes of which I vowed never to ignore, not after- Kevin: Uh-oh. Do we need to sit down? Veronica: Okay, so, last year at Spence, my best friend Katy and I kind of terrorized this girl, Paige. One time, we made her drink gutter water. Kevin: Ew! Why? Veronica: Because she was there. Because she was a misfit and we were class-A brutal bitches. Anyway, by December, Paige couldn’t take it anymore- Kevin: Oh, my God, did you drive her to suicide? Veronica: What? No. But she did transfer schools. And went into therapy. So now? If I can make Ethel Muggs’ life a little better, even for one afternoon, I’m going to do it.

Hermione: Veronica, there’s something that you need to know – about that Muggs girl. Veronica: What? Hermione: Her father, Manfred Muggs, invested with your dad. And it’s probable that they lost a lot when your father was arrested. Maybe everything. Veronica: Mom, they’re being kicked out of their house, their home. Hermione: Well, from what I’ve been told, the Muggs family is going to testify against your father. Veronica: They should. How many, Mom? How many families like Ethel’s? Hermione: It’s the risk of doing business with your father. Veronica: Could Mr. Andrews lose everything, for doing business with you and Dad? Hermione: I’m not sure.

Veronica: Ethel? Mrs. Muggs? There’s something I need to tell you. My name is Veronica Lodge. My father is- Mrs. Muggs: Hiram Lodge. And you’re showing your face here? Ethel: Mom, she’s my friend. Mrs. Muggs: She’s not your friend, honey. Her father is a criminal. He’s the reason Dad did this to himself. Ethel: Ronnie? Is that true? Veronica: Yes. And I am so sorry. I wish I could do something. Mrs. Muggs: “Sorry” isn’t good enough. You want to do something? Tell the truth. Your father is ruining lives. He deserves to sit behind bars for the rest of his miserable life.

Veronica: Anyway, enough about my drama. Betty, you were saying something about Jughead’s birthday? Betty: Yeah. Just that Mr. Jones told me Jughead’s never had a birthday party. Let’s have one for him. Like, a low-key surprise party. Archie: Uh, no, no. Veronica: That’s a fantastic idea. Archie: Jughead doesn’t like his birthday. Kevin: Everybody says that, nobody means it. Archie: Jughead is a lone wolf. Veronica: Okay. Ignoring the negativity. Betty, you know me, – any excuse to wear a cute party dress.

Hermione: What’s all this? Veronica: Dad’s files from the basement. Mom, Archie overhead Mr. Blossom say that he’s the one responsible for putting Dad in jail. So I did some digging. And found this spreadsheet of monthly payments from Blossom Maple Farms to Lodge Industries until about five months ago, when they stopped. Hermione: When your father was arrested. Veronica: There’s more. The payments, which are significant, by the way, have been happening for 75 years. That’s a ton of money. What if Clifford implicated Daddy to get out of paying the monthly fee? I wouldn’t put it past the wig-wearing monster. We should tell Dad’s lawyers. Hermione: Well, hold on. If Clifford did orchestrate your father’s arrest, people might think that Hiram had something to do with Jason Blossom’s murder. Ronnie? You got to let this go. Veronica: You don’t think Dad could, in any way, be responsible for Jason’s murder, do you? Hermione: No, honey, look, don’t make things worse by asking questions that no one else is asking. And please, God, do not bring the Blossoms into this. And that includes Cheryl.

Veronica: Mrs. Cooper? Alice: Yes? Veronica: I understand why Betty doesn’t want to get in the middle of this. But I don’t feel the same loyalty for the Jones family that she does. Alice: I’m listening. Veronica: Helping you find out the truth FP will help me find out the truth about my dad. And whether or not he hired FP to kill Jason. Alice: What exactly are you saying, Veronica? Veronica: I’m saying, if you want to go after Jughead’s dad, Mrs. Cooper, I’m in.

Archie: Not that I’m complaining, Ronnie, but why the change of heart? Veronica: Because I’m hoping you’ll say yes to the favor I’m about to ask you. Archie: Hey, if it’s gonna help you, then I’m in. Veronica: Remember when you heard Clifford Blossom say he put my dad in jail? Well, I think my dad may have gone after Jason as payback. He’s very eye-for-an-eye, and I have a strong suspicion he hired Jughead’s dad to do his dirty work. Also, FP’s done my dad’s bidding before. He trashed the drive-in. Archie: It’s a big leap to go from vandalism to murder, Ronnie. Veronica: I talked it over with Mrs. Cooper, and- Archie: She’s a part of this? Are you nuts? Veronica: She’s gonna keep FP busy while we search his trailer to find anything that links FP to Jason. Or, more importantly, FP to my dad. Archie: We should just talk to Jughead. Veronica: No, what if he’s protecting FP or tries to warn him? Archie: He’s our friend, Ronnie. Veronica: My dad is this close to being released, and my mom’s in denial and she’s ready to welcome him back with open arms. Me, I’d like to know exactly who we’re inviting back into our lives. Archie: Look, Veronica, I really wanna help you, I do, and I definitely don’t want Jughead to get hurt, but I’m telling you, FP’s cleaned up his act. Veronica: I hope you’re right about that, Archie, because if not, Jughead could get dragged into something very messy and very dangerous.

Veronica: You and Betty went on a manhunt without me? I’ll come meet you. Archie: We’re at the bus station, but it’s shut down for the night. Veronica: What’s the one place in town that’s open 24 hours? Hint, we were just there.

Hermione: You and Archie… Getting closer? Veronica: Maybe, why do you ask? Hermione: Your father and I made Fred an offer to buy out the SoDale contract, but Fred is still on the fence about it. I was hoping maybe you could talk to Archie. Maybe he could convince Fred to sell? Veronica: Yeah, sure, Mom. No problem. I’ll just sexually manipulate Archie into doing my bidding. Hermione: As long as you’re in control. Veronica: Oh, my God, Mom, I was kidding. Also, why are you trying to push Fred out of this deal? He’s the only person in this town who was loyal. Who was good to you. Hermione: Your father is coming back. He and Fred? They will not get along.

Veronica: Betty… I just testified on my father’s behalf and helped his chances of going free. Betty: That’s good news, right? Veronica: My dad hired Jughead’s dad to trash the drive-in. And given recent events, it’s not inconceivable that he might’ve hired him to do other jobs. Like go after Jason as payback for what the Blossoms did to him. I want to help with your investigation. I want the truth. Whatever it is.

Cheryl: Speaking of hags Veronica, it’s so devastating to me that your mother has to sink to such unspeakable lows just to keep those knockoff Hermes bags on your arm. What’s next, selling her hair extensions? Veronica: My mom’s a waitress, Cheryl, not Fantine. And your faux concern reeks of ulterior motive. What is it? Cheryl: Only to remind you of your place in this school, nay, the town’s social hierarchy. Veronica: Threatened much? Don’t worry. You may be a stock character from a ’90s teen movie, but I’m not. And what does any of this have to do with my mom being a waitress? Cheryl: It’s just that I saw her talking to a Southside Serpent last night, in the alley behind Pop’s. They were having an extremely heated, intimate discussion. See for yourself. Veronica: Who or what is a Southside Serpent? Kevin: They’re this gang of bikers who pretty much stays on the south side of town. And thank God, ’cause they’re sort of dangerous. Drug dealers and petty thieves. Veronica: Then what was my mom doing with one of them?

Archie: It’s not what you’re thinking. Betty: So, it’s platonic? Archie: Okay, well, maybe it’s a little like what you’re thinking Betty: Archie. Are you and Ms. Grundy, like, together, like, romantically? Veronica: Oh, my God. You and your music teacher are having an affair? Archie: We are together. Look, I know that sounds bad, but- Veronica: Bad? It sounds scandalous. Betty: It sounds like jail time to me. Illegal! Archie: Betty, don’t go there. Betty: Oh, I’m already there. Archie: Ronnie, a little help here? Veronica: I mean, technically, Betty’s right. And ethically… Well, what is Grundy to you, anyway, your girlfriend? Your booty tutor? Archie: I don’t know, I don’t know what to call her. Betty: You said you were at the river alone. You lied to Sheriff Keller, to all of us. Why? To protect her? Archie: She believed in me when no one else did. Veronica: Okay, we get it. Archie: Betty, say something, please.

Veronica: What’s happening out there? Do we know? Is it about me? Jughead: I have a strong inkling, and no. Also, I’d let it go. Veronica: Yes, but you’re you, and I’m me. You do you, girl, I’ll be back. Kevin: What was it like before she got here? I honestly cannot remember.

Veronica Lodge (Riverdale): ESFP was originally published on MBTI Zone

[georgeavillart]

Making Histories

Bernard Buffet

Buffet’s portraits have always been hugely prevalent in my discipline; his signature exaggerated dark eyebrows and eyelashes are consistently translated into my paintings, lino prints and photography. The solemn aura consistent in each of his paintings is something that also always resonated with my own work which is often based around mental illness and a sense of confusion or lack of ownership of self. Buffet is undoubtably the first painter that I ever really connected with and the undeniable impact his work has had on my own will likely always remain.

Suzanne Césaire

In addition to her important literary essays, her role as editor of Tropiques can be regarded as an equally significant (if often overlooked) contribution to Caribbean literature. Tropiques was the most influential francophone Caribbean journal of its time and is widely acknowledged for the foundational role it played in the development of Martiniquan literature. Césaire played both an intellectual and administrative role in the journal’s success, the journal established a dialogue with surrealism both as a means of cultural liberation and as a means to obscure political messages for the censors. In her contributions, Suzanne Césaire heavily reappropriated colonial stereotypes such as the ‘cannibal’ and the ‘lazy negro’ as provocations for both coloniser and colonised to re-examine deeply internalised (self)perceptions.

Leonor Fini

Alike Césaire, Fini has been frequently forgotten in mainstream education despite her large contribution associated with the Surrealist movement. Fini’s self-portraits and mythological paintings focused on eroticism and dreams; “Paintings, like dreams, have a life of their own and I have always painted very much the way I dream,” she once said. Fini’s eccentric lifestyle of cross dressing, carrying on homosexual relationships, and eating dinner with her 23 cats, continued throughout the decades. She notably designed the costumes for Federico Fellini’s film 8 ½ in 1963, and was the subject of many photographs and poems during her lifetime.

Der Blaue Reiter

Der Blaue Reiter was a German expressionist group originating in Munich in 1909. A number of avant-garde artists living in Munich had founded the ‘Neue Kunstler Vereiningung’, or New Artist Association. The most important of these were Wassily Kandinsky Franz Marc. In 1911 Kandinsky and Marc broke with the rest of the Neue Kunstler Vereiningung and in December that year held in Munich the first exhibition of Der Blaue Reiter. This particular painting by Kandinsky relates to my work through the use of colour, to him, copying from nature stifled artistic expression. Kandinsky's thoughts on colour were similar to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's belief that different colours can convey certain emotions. The warm colours - red, yellow, and orange - are usually considered lively colours that can sometimes be harsh. The cool colours - green, blue, and purple - are considered more peaceful and subdued. Kandinsky was especially fond of blue. In my paintings the ‘subdued’ and ‘harsh’ connotations of colour are parallel to each other, suggesting a conflict in technique where Kandinsky’s piece’s between 1914-1921 embody the large scale turmoil as Germany declared war on Russia.

Sigmar polke 

The painting “Modern Art”, an angst-stripped remake of Ab-Ex, both amuses and unsettles. In terms of style it includes every standard ingredient of abstract painting — vigorous gestures, contemplated shapes, a splash of deep texture, a spiralled flourish — but absent of all the conceptual substance of any self-respecting abstraction. Though aesthetically pleasing in style, it could be argued that the artist hardly needed to have added the white margin and caption at the bottom; it’s already pure textbook material. The same critiquing could become apparent in my own work, have I been subtle enough in my comparisons and challengings? The concept of challenging contemporary techniques are common themes in our work and influenced some of my preconceived ‘abstract mark making’. However, with its nod to 20th century abstraction seeming at once nostalgic and sarcastic, the influence of the Nazi reign where all forms of abstraction were deemed degenerate could be being commentated on. This puts my work in a very different, much lighter angle.

Georges Seurat

Georges Seurat is prominently remembered as the pioneer of the Neo-Impressionist technique commonly known as Divisionism, or Pointillism, an approach associated with a softly flickering surface of small dots or strokes of colour. Seurat combined a traditional approach, based on his academic training, with a study of modern techniques, such as Impressionism. His work also derived from contemporary ideas of quasi-scientific theories about colour and expression. Seurat was inspired by a desire to abandon Impressionism's preoccupation with the fleeting moment, and instead to render what he regarded as the essential and unchanging in life. Nevertheless, he borrowed many of his approaches from Impressionism, from his love of modern subject matter and scenes of urban leisure, to his desire to avoid depicting only the apparent colour of depicted objects and instead to try to capture all the colours that interacted to produce their appearance.

Patrick Caulfield

Patrick Caulfield was an English painter and printmaker associated with the Pop Art movement, known for bold images created in a strikingly graphic style. Employing references to Photorealism, his paintings are characterized by their flat planes of colour and cartoonish black outlines, creating an uncomfortable ambiguity between the real and the illusionary. At the Tate I was predominantly drawn to Patrick Caulfield’s work; his paintings explore alternative ways of picturing the world. ‘After Lunch’ was one of his earliest works to combine different styles of representation. In this case, what appears to be a photomural of the ‘Château de Chillon’ hanging in a restaurant is depicted with high-focus realism, contrasting with the cartoon-like black-outlined imagery and fields of saturated colour of its surroundings. Caulfield deliberately makes the relationship between these varying representational methods uneasy and ambiguous, so that the picture appears more real than the everyday world around it.

Harris Glenn Milstead

Milstead "the most beautiful woman in the world, almost" is better known by his stage name ‘Divine’ and is an icon amongst the LGBT community, Divine has always been a prevalent influence in my life as a gay woman but is currently influencing my artwork more than ever. Divine, was an American actor, singer, and drag queen closely associated with the independent filmmaker John Waters usually performed female roles in cinematic and theatrical productions, and adopted a female drag persona for his music career. The characters Divine portrayed present femininity in a way that’s powerful and vulgar in contrast to the frequent connotations of sex with absolutely no depth of character. This possessive vulgarity being the centre piece of artwork is what my photomontage pieces are heavily focussed on.

Erich Heckel

Erich Heckel was a German artist and founding member of the influential German Expressionist group Die Brücke. His angular woodcuts and paintings described both the chromatic world and the inner emotions of the artist. In Die Brücke’s studies toward a modern, expressionistic art, the group regularly sketched, painted, and printed images of two young neighborhood girls they used as models, one of whom, "Franzi," Erich Heckel depicts here. The artists' desire for freedom of expression was mirrored in the free movement and relative lack of inhibition of their young muses. In Heckel's woodcut Seated Nude (Fränzi), Franzi's pose and slight grin indicate a lack of shame about her nakedness, while her small, immature body provides a visual analog for the artist's angularity and simplification of form. Rendered in stark, unmodulated white, her nudity contrasts with the red and green background tones. Not only has Heckel’s simplified technique inspired my own mark making when regarding lino prints, the representation of women in his work provided an alternate depiction that intrigued me with its candid nature.

Robert Mapplethorpe

Mapplethorpe is one of the many brilliant creative minds that were lost in the 80’s due to complication with Aids, the American photographer’s work altered perceptions and pushed boundaries in relation to the male gaze upon the male body. Charting his personal involvement in New York’s gay scene, Robert Mapplethorpe’s photographs demonstrated a compelling perspective on the underground queer culture of the 1970s and 1980s. Mapplethorpe speculated that if he had been born in an earlier era, he might have been a sculptor rather than a photographer. In his chosen medium, he underscored the powerful physical presence of his models. With an obsessive attention to detail, he choreographed their statuesque poses and used studio lights to trace the contours of their bodies. His subjects are shot through with dramatic tension and eroticism no matter how benign the scene. A body is never just a body; even so, the classical sensibility that structures these scenes is tempered by a palpable sexual intensity and with the same attention to detail as his most seemingly tame images of tulips. Mapplethorpe is important to me as an LGBT icon but also as a large influencer over my desire to depict vulgarity in droll domestic scenes, the sense of ownership of self is so prevalent in his images serving a subtle commentary on the lack of control these figures really had; a message I want to remind viewers of.

[storiesnstormsinmyhead-blog]

Stories we tell ourselves

Some of us are born with a natural sense of bravado and bravery. Confidence in their collect features. But many of us are not, to many, such was the case for Reynold Roy Richardson, the third son of Miguel Jonathon Richardson. Reynold Roy Richardson, Roy for short, was born with exceptionally low confidence in everything. He was averagely tall and averagely skinny and had average body type and average coloring. Just another shade of blue in the fifty eight crayon box. And although some days he wished to be something better, he had no real motives to get there and so settled with being happy with his droll, tired, average self. He could shoot a hoop from half court given enough tries, and while the guys at school thought that was pretty cool, so could everyone. However one day his life took an unexpected turn for the oddest. It started in home ec class, his usual partner who added too much salt to everything was gone for the day, so he was paired with Ruby haired Robin. Ruby haired Robin was a loner oddball who watched asian cartoons and drank real smoothies and had short red hair the stuck up at odd angles. Her doctor who sweater was too big for her and her boots too tall, her glasses seemed to eat half her face under their big frames. As she sat down he could almost feel her discontent and irritability at the long day. They made cupcakes, but instead of putting a perfect hat of frosting on them Robin dolloped a huge drippy mess of hers, they cleaned up and she stacked everything wrong and it fell down in a huge clatter. It soon became obvious to Roy that Robin was exceptionally perfect, at being completely imperfect. The next day she had a homemade beanie and they made banana bread. She tried to start conversion.

“Hey you, don’t you think miss Barreyman looks like she should be wearing a bowtie?” It was an odd question but did make sense if you saw miss Barreyman. Miss Barreyman wore power suits and high heels everyday and drank black coffee out of a gallon mug without smudging a bit of her bright red lipstick. She looked like she could have gotten away with murder in her youth, but now had tired eyes and drippy eyeliner and less perk and pep.

“Yeah sure”

“You don’t talk much, do you?” Ruby chirped, honestly would she just shut up? Why did she wanna talk to me anyways?

“No”

“Oh sorry.” lapse silence “Do you watch doctor who?”

“No, but my sister does” My freaky man obsessed sister, I borrowed her laptop once when I was ten and that's how I learned how men made love, well gay men, in her adolescent imagination.

“Oh thats cool, Supernatural?”

“What?”

“The show?”

“I don-” the bell rang, “I gotta go” finally, free from her weird conversation topics.

The next day Robin wasn’t there, salt boy was back. we made brownies, I turned my back for one second and when the brownies came out of the oven they shimmered with a fine layer of salt, he had mistaken the teaspoon for the tablespoon again. We had no conversation, but I kinda missed the weird break from normality that was Ruby haired Robin. She didn’t come back the next day, or the next day, or again. Later that week there was an article in the newspaper about a young teen girl commiting suicide. However I got a nagging sensation she was still around. Rationally she couldn’t be, but I swear I felt her irritation and discontent still, following me around. Then it happened, I was just chilling in my room gaming and eating BBQ Lays when I heard a sigh, I looked up and saw Robin, or rather a specter of her, sitting on the corner of my bed staring longingly at the bag of chips i was eating. Gone was the dark makeup and cakey foundation that looked hastily applied. In its place was a plain, but not unadorable face, slightly boyish with freckles and light lashes. hair was several shades lighter and curly in a baby pony tail, and she was wearing a huge pair of dragon pj pants and a tank top with a bow on the front. With a gasp Roy leaped from the spot on his bed and to the window and started fumbling for the latch, he had seen enough horror flicks to know what would happen next.

“Eeeek!” Robin saw his sudden scare and jumped off the bed and backed towards the door.

“Holy crap you’re dead!”

“Obviously! I’d actually be eating those chips if I could. I haven’t had anything to eat in like five days and I’m dying…” She stopped realizing the actuality of the pun “Again”

“But you’re dead, like dead!”

“Yes I am, it’s all the aliens fault.”

“Aliens?!?”

“Yes aliens!” She settled down on the bed again. “I don’t quite remember my death but I remember that there was a bright white light like a beam and I was lifted up and then it was really painful and I died, and since God doesn’t exist for me it must be aliens.”

“Okay…” This chick was clearly mad, looney, but since I was seeing ghosts didn't that make me looney as well? “So what would I do about that?”

“Well I don’t quite know why but as soon as came to you were standing right in front of me. It was at school in the home Ec lab. And since then I can't wander away from you. It’s like you’re my earthly tether?”

“Well then untether yourself! And leave me alone. I don't believe in ghosts.”

She seemed to shrink, ”I’m sorry but I don’t know how to do that!!!!!” I immediately felt both bad and embarrassed, I was yelling at a dead girl.

“No don’t be sorry, I’m sorry for yelling, but seriously, you could try to untether yourself…” Even that comment seemed stupid to me.

“Can you tell me how that game works?” She completely ignores it.

“Um sure.” I picked up my controller and proffers it to her small hands when I realize it will just fall through.

Our heroes spend the rest of the day with Roy eating chips and pointing out how different buttons work to a confused and hungry little ghost girl.

“And see, The boss has been defeated and now I just walk over using the joystick to walk and steer and can collect all my booty-” He stops when he hears a soft sighing whistle, draped across the shelf in the corner is a sleeping Robin, apparently ghosts sleep. Her face is turned away and her arms are crossed as they hang off the shelf.

“Royyyy! Dinner time!” His mother called him to the table.

“Coming!” As Roy shut the door to his small room he remembered, the dead don't need to breathe, so if Robin snored it was out of habit, a painful reminder of the times she had been full of life.

“Why do girls wear so much makeup?” Roy's questions all seemed to be common knowledge to me. I wonder why his brain hasn’t thought to comprehend these things yet, I will not say as much however because it would he horribly rude. Many things he thinks are common knowledge I have not even began to think through yet.

“Well… because they don’t believe they look good without it or desirable to the people they wish to attract. And it is a mask to hide behind so that they can face others of their species proudly without feeling inefficient. I wear- wore mine as a mask so that people would leave me alone and know I did not want to be apart of their games.”

“What games?”

“The contest between girls to be the best, like how some girls like to manipulate guys into liking them just to feel important and get all the attention because they base self worth on those things. I guess I understand how they need these things to feel alive, and I won’t oppose them unless they hurt someone I care about then I will destroy them. There are too many to oppose plus it doesn’t seem fair to deny them their existence.”

“Why do you think you’re any different?” The question is loaded and Roy knows it.

“I’m not, I just try harder not to be.” He snorts in surprise.

“Why just people who are important? What about yourself?” This seems genuine.

“I’m not very important to myself, I guess I wanted to live because anything else is scary and the effort, but I don’t see why I should be special because I don’t have any special talents and I don’t want to run around being just self important.”

“Isn’t that view a bit insulting to the people who care about you?”

“Yes, but what else do you expect me to do? Go to K-Mart and buy myself some self confidence? If I’m just a melodramatic teenager like normal this should go away soon and if I’m not I’ll just go buy something to fix it.” I can feel my translucent shoulders begin to tighten up and tears hot in my throat, I swallow them down before they spill out. Funny how even ghosts can cry, I wonder if ghost tears have magical potency? One spills and as I reach up to brush it off Roy dabs it with a sleeve.

“Hey sorry, you okay?”

“Yeah sorry I’m just overactive!”

“Come here?” He awkwardly offers me a hug, I don’t want to be rude and also, even dead girls need a hug sometimes.

She’s a fellow comrade in normalcy, and I feel sympathy, I also know how it feels to be frustrated by my lack of talent. As she accepts my hug I also feel envy, men aren’t suppose to cry.

Air rushes past us suddenly and we are flung into space violently buffeted by wind and something else like small rocks. Surprise makes me grip the only solid seeming thing around me, regardless of the weirdness of the solid. I can hear Robin screaming, or is that me? Then stillness, we are jerked into a still space and righted, well mostly…

Blinking tears out of my watering eyes I perceive colors and then images, it’s like we’re standing inside a painting, fractured images surround us in ever changing patterns and textures. Robin gives a little gasp and moves fluidly towards one. I follow not wanting to get lost inside this seeming endless maze of mirrors and illusions. I manage to grab her bare foot as she is sucked forward into the image.

Space, outer space, below the earth twinkles like a diamond covered in muddy water and around us are lights and nebulas of dust. It seems like it should be cold but I cannot feel anything, Robin gives a cry of excitement and spins in a circle laughing.

“It's just like a story I saw once!”

“Saw?” I grab at a rock floating next to me and do several slow spins in place.

“Yeah, I saw it in a dream!” She tries to right me and ends up floating the opposite direction, I grasp her wayward feet so that we are not separated. A roar buffets by us and a giant, gray, blinking mass careens past us like a torpedo. The alien saucer heads straight towards earth on a warpath. Robin gives a little yelp of fear and puts herself in front of me, like her slight body can hide me from the probing spacecraft. Fear is written on her face, and for the first time I think I may believe her a little bit about the alien story. Air rushes again and a pulling sensation drags us back, until my room swims into focus before my eyes. Robin sits against the other side of the room frozen in fear, no matter of potato chips or british shows lures her out of her spot lodged behind the door.

When she finally moves her heart is set on finding out what happened, she swears it’s somewhere, somewhere in her memory she blocked out.

I know now I have to know what happened, no matter how painful or violating the truth, a morbid part of me needs to know. If curiosity killed the cat than satisfaction brought her back. Me and Roy watch movies on aliens; independence day, alien, doctor who: the water of mars. Nothing sparks recognition. I look for scars on my body when Roy isn’t home but all I find are all my old self harm scars with my new cuts that now would never heal, just glow a subtle red against my skin. When I look at then my head hurts remembering the mood that made me do that, but it seems with my body I also shed a weight that the doctors called clinical depression, funny, it felt like a weight before, now it feels like the aliens stripped more from me than life, a part of my mind i missing. My fingers burn to hold a pencil, stupidly i try, the pencil moves an hair’s breath when I go through it. I have nothing else to do so I commit to picking up the pencil.

“Hey so you know Ruby Haired Robin?” I casually ask Bryan in the locker room.

“Yeah! That chick who liked Brian and always carried a sketchbook with her?” Bryan is a tall, athletically gifted guy with killer abs and a crisp cut look like a male model. He doesn’t have much in the way of brains but if you give him a piece of paper he can write a sonnet to make shakespeare cry.

“Yeah her! Wait she liked Dwain?” Hm interesting.

“Yeah. Why do you ask?”

“Well… do you know if they stated a cause of death?” He cringes a little.

“Morbid man, yeah it said she had been big on cutting, there were hundreds of wounds all over her body and she had bled to death from a few in her sleep.”

“Okay cool! Thanks man.”

When I got home I rushed to my room, the door flies open to reveal Robin sitting at my desk. A pencil is grasped in her hands and she is so focused on her work that she doesn’t even start when I walk in.

“You cut?”

“Yes.” Her focus is solely on the picture she is creating.

“That's what they said killed you.”

“I know”

“Why aliens then?”

She looks up finally, “Because I never cut deep enough to kill me.”

“Can I see?”

“Some of it sure.” Carefully she lifts her pants leg all the way up to show me the red angry lines marching haphazardly up her legs. “It’s not a big deal, it doesn’t even hurt anymore.”

“Okay.” It’s confusing but she doesn’t seem in pain so I let go. “You liked Dwain?”

“What is it, question the dead girl time?” She is blunt.

“Sorta… sorry I was just curious… It’s more a question about why and what a girl likes in a guy… I figured you would know!” She smiles.

“Totally! Well I like Dwain because he was nice to me and didn’t ostracize me because of my looks and attitude. It’s more a kindness crush, I like him because he was nice to me and that made me happy! Then his friends started teasing him and he left me be… no one wants to be liked by a loner if their popular like that. Why you wanna know what girls like?”

My cheeks heat up like volcanos, “Because I like someone…”

“Oooooooohhhhhhhhhh who do you liiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkeeeee!” She drags it out like a kid would.

“Marina….” “Marina K?”

“Yeah…”

“She’s really pretty, just watch out she’s one of the get them to like you just because girls. Play hard to get.” Robin bounces up and down laughing, “ Roy and Marina sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G! First comes loooove then comes marriage! Then comes Roy with a baby carriage!” Robin pokes me in the side and giggles, “And we both know how you get babies since neither of us were absent from health class.”

“You remember who was in that class?” “Totally, most of the people were too embarrassed to look up, but I’ve been familiar with that stuff for a long time and it was fun watching them all blush and nervously giggle.” Thoughtfully she adds, “well knowing Marina you won't have to wait till marriage for babymaking… just babies.”

“Were your parents doctors of something?”

“Sorta, why?”

“Well you were previously associated with the process of babymaking…”

“My dad’s a gynecologist assistant and my mom is a midwife. They didn't think their daughter should be left in the dark about one of the oldest acts of mankind so they got me a few books.”

“Wow, your parents are crazy…” She shrugs her shoulders.

“Maybe to some people, but to me it’s just how I was raised and I wouldn’t ask for anything else!” A dark cloud seems to form in her visage, “I’m really gonna miss that… Damn! Why did I have to die!” Her shoulders start to shake. “It felt like a dream until now, a dream I could wake up from, but I really am dead… And being dead sucks.”

Damn it, my eyes are burning and my nose is tingling in it’s odd, sharp way. I miss my mom and dad so much, my misunderstood, passive father and my hypersensitive, overexpressing mother. Roy looks concerned but I don’t want to be helped, I want to not think or exist anymore. Roy gasps and runs forward but his hands pass through me and when I look down in morbid curiosity, I cannot see myself at all. Then the world goes black for me.

Am I really dead this time? No… I’m just sleeping. No. Im awake, just everything but my mind has faded. I’m guessing I will die soon, again, but the only regret I have is not being able to tell my mother sorry for our fight and for dying, same to my dad. Damn this is stupid, why can’t it be anyone but me! I would happily go back to my disease ridden, messed up body to fix this. But I can’t, I really can’t, and I was stupid if I ever thought I could. After all this is all my fault.

She’s gone! She vanished, one moment so real, the next gone in a wink of the imagination. Snatched away like death took her again, mind, body, and soul. Like static. The air wavers for a second, then again, she flickers back into existence. I almost rush to hug her before I remember, then I pause. Her eyes look tired, like she left something behind when she reappeared.

The rest of the week pasts like a gray rainstorm, time drags on like a tired packhorse. Slowly and worn down until I felt like a walking corpse of a walking dreamer. The boring days of old seem rose tinged to me now compared to the ominous presence in my home. Robin had vanished again off and on when she felt like it and didn’t want to be seen crying ghostly tears. I looked at the drawing she had made to try to figure out what had happened, was it an omen… or was that just my desperate hopes?

In my dreams we frantically searched for her death among the fractile memories scattered in her mind. We searched massive desert plains with beautiful rose sponged skies on the verge of night as the sun tumbled down the throat of nighttime. We scoured the bottoms of ocean so deep that they crushed everything into itself and no light could reach into the murky waters, once you were immersed the only way you could go was down. But while I searched she stayed quiet, distracted. That is until the fourth tuesday in november.

“Roy!”

“Hgrm….”

“Roy!”

“Rrrrrrrr!”

“Roy RoyRoyRoyRoyRoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“What!!!!!!!!!” I sit upright and to my great horror Robin is chilling at my bedside shaking me awake.

“You sound like an angry twelve year old.”

“What do you want!!!!!!”

“I wanna have an adventure!”

“It’s too early for this…”

“It’s never too early for an adventure!” She chirps. God I want to strangle the dead girl.

“Yes it is!” I roll over and try to ignore her.

“Nope!” Her statement could have been followed by a cheery emojicon it sounded so ridiculous. To make matters worse as soon as my back was turned she put her icy hands through my back.

“S-Stop it!” She wiggles her fingers in front of my face, sometimes she is as solid as a wall other times as thin and vapor.

“I’m dead but I’m still here and I wanna enjoy everything I can!” She pouts then puffs hair off her forehead and to the side.

“Just ten more min.”

“Royyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.”

“Shhhhhh!”

“I will haunt you until the day you die.” Her threat rouses me from my slumber, no way in hell do I want her to witness my final moments or in fact the rest of my life.

“Fine, where do you wanna go?” I sigh and ruffle my hair.

“I want to go get closure so that I can move on into death.” This answer comes as a surprise!

“Why?”

“Because earth is hell and I want to go into nothing so I am no longer reminded of what I could have done or had. I don’t want to have to see my parent grieve or my existence slowly vanish until I become lost without worldly possessions and isolated until I become simply mad, I wish to go with peace.”

“Okay.” Though sad I thought it sounded completely reasonable. Being forgotten would be painful. “Where will we go?”

“I think I know, I remembered something when I vanished and I’ve been stuck here for a while, it's vague but I think if you help me we can figure out what happened!” She holds out her hands and I hesitantly grab them. A fuzzy warm vortex sucks us up in a silent vwoosh feeling.

Instead of the fearful nothingness that swallowed me up before I feel a warm calm, like acceptance. I had accepted the lonely knowledge that I had ceased to exist for my mother and father. When I had vanished I had gone to see them, I tried to talk to them but they just sat there at the table, my spot sat empty and a sullen silence engulfed the dinner. That had been the final straw, the piece that told me I was good and truly dead. My stuff had been moved and my clothes had been given to goodwill. Nothing remained of my stone collection, even my beautiful river rock paul was gone. There was no way for me to go back to my old life. No way to fix the problem. I was gone, I just hadn't let go. At first I had cried, I was unfair and horrible. I went back to Roy and sat beside him, he couldn’t see me. Life felt unbearable. Then I had appeared and saw his concern. I wanted to indulge in the feeling of being needed and cared about. But I knew I had to say goodbye to everything. It was painful. But I slowly grew accustomed to the feeling, when it became too much I went back to Roy. Now I just wanted to stop all together. I would like to say I am at peace, but to tell the truth, no, no peace for the walking dead.

So we flew forward propelled by that foggy recollection of a memory of mine. A memory I feel I must both dread and accept as a last piece of the puzzle of my death. I’m to scared to go at this alone so I took Roy with me because despite the extremely short and tumultuous times I have know him he has provided the most comfort to me of any person in my life. It’s not love or attraction of any sort, he has simply been kind and shown me support that I had not found anywhere else. In return I wished to give him closure in my demise so he was not left confused or guilty in any way.

I alight upon the asphalt of a sidewalk beneath a shiny street lamp. Dusk pulls over the hills in ribbons of smoky blue and clear soft purple and hazy clouds. Familiar lights glow from a familiar home. This isn’t the real thing but it feels so achingly like it my resolve almost wavers. Then I see a figure move.

Another Robin is inside that house, she’s in her room with a book clutched in her hands, it looks so small. She sniffs ungracefully and wipes the snot away from her nose, her eyes are red rimmed and her cheeks look raw and blotchy. She sets the book down and pulls the leg of her dragon pants all the way to her hip. Red lines across her hips ooze blood, she seems to inspect the wound before slowly letting the pants drop down. Next to me Robin stands stiffly, frozen as if in a trance. The image Robin seems to float to the bed and sit down. She snuggles down into the blankets, the scene looks peaceful even after the life fades from her skin, if you ignore the widening stain of red across her sheets. The Robin next to me is shaking and looks petrified. All of her natural seeming bravado is gone and all that left is a scared girl stripped of all her worldly possessions.

I have realised, that is not what happened exactly, it feels too neat, too fake. I wouldn’t have given up just like that. That’s not right.

At home again I sit tiredly spinning a basketball on my finger. Around and around it goes like the thoughts in my head. What was that light, why did Robin cut? Didn’t it hurt? Robin sits on my window sill and chews restlessly on her nails. Tiny, shimmery, crescent moon nail shards tumble from her fingers occasionally. Her cute features are twisted into a mask of concentration as she mulls over something. I can tell something didn’t sit right with her. “It was to perfect.”

“What?”

“My death.”

“How so?”

“I am a naturally imperfect person with many flaws and bad traits yet I died like a F***ing princess.” Sadly I think I agree, when I first met Robin I could feel her impatience and her imperfections radiating from her body, I cannot imagine someone with that much irritation could die without a complaint, hypnosis or not. “I may have seen my death but I don’t know what lead up to that. What made me want to lay down and give up?”

“What day was it?” Dread gnaws at my stomach.

“Tuesday… I think.” Oh god. “Yeah tuesday!” It had been the day we had talked.

“Do you remember anything?”

“No. Why?” We lapse into silence.

After a long pause, “Didn’t we talk that day? Barreyman and the bowtie?”

“Y-Yeah!”

“What did I seem like?”

I think back and remember her that day, “happy, chipper, and very very talkative!”

“Desperate”, she murmurs under her breath.

“Huh?”

“Nothing”, She turns away, but not before I catch a fleeting glimpse of her face, pinched with worry, her lower lip disappearing completely into her mouth.

“Cool cool.” I don’t know how to help her so I pick up my game boy and try to not think of her, she slowly vanishes, almost hesitantly.

Now I am back in ghost space, I know my presence near Roy was making him feel uncomfortable, after all it was me who died and invaded his personal space, I at least owed him the courtesy to have a mental breakdown outside of his presence. So I was desperate that day, then that begged the question what triggered this? It was obviously before Home Ec class or I would have been fine that day. What was so bad it had kept me down all day?

“Did you keep a diary?”

“Huh?”

“Did you, keep a, diary!”

“Sorta.” I slowly reappear into normal space. The only thing that can penetrate my ghost space is words I need to hear.

“Why don’t you go and look through it?”

“Well that might be difficult.”

Roy shifts to look at me over his shoulders, “Why?”

“The police confiscated it…”

“Oh okay.”

“Wanna help me get it?”

“Breaking and entering?! Are you kidding me!!! Try and stop me!” In movies the heroes always seemed to have to steal something and there was always a cool getaway scene with a cute chick and a car chase. It sounded like the perfect way to break the seal on my incredibly boring life, not that Robin hadn’t already done that, although her small a-gender cuteness took away from the mystery and just made her seem childish…

“Today? It’s in a back lab of evidence!” Robin looks nervous, I wonder what is up with her, maybe she doesn’t want me to see her diary.

“How should we get in?”

“Okay so-”

Her diary is small and compact and fits almost in my pocket, the little heart shaped lock is cheap and fragile and the keys jangle behind me as I sprint full force towards the parking lot. It took way too much effort to get in and fool the officers in the first place.

“Halt!!! Mr. John!!!!!” Two officers pound down the hall after me belts clanging. They aren’t quite willing to take out their guns yet because of who I said I was. After all they wouldn’t dare shoot Robin’s boyfriend, whom grief stricken stole her diary from the station to hear the last words of his dear departed love.

Dodging arounds a secretary desk out front I hurdle past the surprised desk attendant and out the swinging doors. Alarms blare, triggered most likely by the magnetic strip inside the diary hidden so that thieves would have trouble finding it. Next to me Robin shouts barely comprehensible, “Roy! Keys!” A wad of keys flies at me from the blur of color streaking by and I catch them. The first vehicle in the lot is a blue and white motorcycle. I grasp the handles and swing on starting the engine with the smallest key on the ring. It roars to life and ghostly hands clasp around my waist in a light embrace. I kick off and we are streaking across the road at seventy in no time. It feels like flying and I know that if we ever make it free of this mess I want a bike like this one. Adrenaline rushes like the blood in my ears muffling everything except my heart, my heart beat seems to be the beat of the world as I turn into the curves of the road. Police cars follow with blaring sirens and blinding lights. Robin squeezes my waist and suddenly we vanish from their view like an invisibility cloak was pulled over us. When I am sure we have lost them, confused and bewildered we drop the getaway vehicle at a streambed and trudge through the culvert upstream at least a mile before making our way to a local park. Exhausted I plop onto a swing back in the woods below a large old apple tree and take out the diary. Robin leans over my shoulder and we flip the the entries closer to the last one.

To Delinx Quarte

School still sucks, yeah I know I’ve said that to many times. I see no point to complete it if I feel like this no matter what I try to do with my life. My therapist tells me it's called clinical depression, I hope it goes away before I have to pay the bills. My energy is basically null and void. I guess at least you're there to listen to me.

To Delinx Quarte

Brian has shunned me for the eighth time this week, I guess I get it, I mean I’m the one who told Kristy I liked him and even if she said she wouldn’t tell, its high school. I guess I’m just stupid for thinking someone like him could talk to me after knowing such an ugly truth.

To Delinx Quarte

Roses are red

Violets blue

Im sad af

So F u to

To Delinx Quarte

Thank you for talking to me all the time.

“Talking to you all the time?” I look questioningly at Robin. To answer she picks up the book and shakes it. A small phone falls out, when I pick it up and flip it open it turns on with a whoosh noise. The screen clears and four new messages blink on the screen.

Robin I’m sorry for slashing, you shouldn’t have run, please come back I’ll bring you to a good doctor!

Robin?

Robin are you there?

Answer me goddamn it!!!!!!!!!!

As I flip through her phone the name Delinx Quarte makes sense, horrible sense. This Delinx claimed to be an alien, or he role played one. He told fantastical stories about beautiful worlds far away and amazing adventures, seriously he sounded like an author. One even make sickening sense as the space saucer heading for earth. He called Robin a petite princess and flattered her with praise for her ingenuity. He listened to her stories she told of cruel classmates and lulled her into false trust with pretty words. He even claimed to be a twenty year old lesbian. Robin told him about having no friends, and her lying confidents, and her crush who ignored her. She leaned on him and never questioned his motives besides being good and nice. Then he said he liked her. Told her what an intelligent girl she was, not like those other high school bimbos. He said they should meet and make cosplay for the next con, his place. The address sounded remote. Robin had her license and drove there herself.

Shakily Robin looks at me and in a small voice tells me what happened there, “I got there and it was ramshackled. She- sorry he didn’t wanna meet in the city because he said his anxiety would flare up.. I went to the door and he answered. I was surprised but he convinced me he meant no harm he just wanted me to be comfortable talking to me… Then we went inside, I was scared but I didn’t want to be rude… Then he starts talking all heavily. He’s an older man almost thirty and balding with grease stains on his saggy clothes and he had a ton of anime body pillows all over the place and his top pick in netflix wa my little pony! I didn’t wanna know what was in the corner… I asked him to not sit so close, even said I had a boyfriend now… But he knew too much and got mad at me for lying, he said I owed him for listening to my whining. I cried and he begged my forgiveness… I tried to run but he chased me, he had a knife and threatened me but I didn’t wanna get raped or killed so I ran, he slashed me on the thigh so deeply that my leg went numb in a few minutes. Then I got away and drove home. My parents weren’t home and I tried to dress the wound, my seats are black and I thought it was shallower. I realized it was to the bone and then I fainted from blood loss. I guess I bled to death… So I was killed by my friend who liked to pretend to be an alien and turned out to be a “Nice Guy”... Kinda pathetic.”

“Are you gonna let him get away with murder?”

“No…”

“Go get him girl!”

“What do I do?”

“Hide his porn stash, replace his anime pillows with guy anime pillows. Subscribe him to a yaoi(guy on guy) site where pre adolescent girls write fanfiction, put hot sauce in his lube… hide his wallet, and put password encoded age restrictions on his netflix so he has to watch g rated films forever. And then scrawl in ketchup on his mirror, I am always watching you. Then leave, and he’ll be paranoid forever.”

“You are truly satan Roy.” Robin smiles devilishly.

I never saw her again, she left and I was left to clean up my life. I faced community service for my crimes however the crime was solved with my help and when the police found the man he was sitting in the dark with a circle of salt surrounding him watching my little pony with horrible burns. He was arrested and sent to an asylum by his own convictions. I assume Robin went away peacefully after doing her part, maybe she stayed and saw his arrest however I believe she just left. I attended her funeral, her mother cried, her father left the room a lot. Brian was there, I could tell his consciousness was heavy with the idea he had contributed to someone's death or been able to prevent it but not done that, he was never the same. Her so called friends Kristy and Lillian were there, her therapist, and her extended family that could drive in from california to oregon. When I went up to view the casket I saw her cold face, beautifully made up in professional makeup, honestly it was weird, I missed the face only I knew, her real face and her faded hair all curly. Her cuts were hidden with a long dress and sleeves. After the funeral her mother approached me.

“Roy?”

“Yes..?”

“Okay, funny I’ve never met you, thank you for being such a good friend to my daughter! She left you something… I was almost like she knew she was going away…” Sadly she handed me an envelope with a hastily scrawled name on the front. Robin's mother was pale and mousy, her nervous eyes reminded me of a rabbits, hopping from place to place.

Dear Roy,

Thank you for being the truest friend I’ve ever had, you never lied to me and you helped me when I needed you most! You're my hero. Good luck with Marina, make her chase you… Sorry I can’t be your best man! Thank you! Enclosed is a remembrance gift!

Inside the package was a small drawing of a boy with a roguish expression on his face and a girl laughing openly riding on a motorbike that was blue and white. They seemed suspended in time carfree. I hung it on my wall, to this day I still muse over its detail and how the pencil has not faded yet.

Robin was the best and the worst thing to happen to me. I was labeled a criminal and a hero, I became not normal but am still unsure on how to become normal or not normal. It never worked out with Marina, she was to flakey and flirty. I married a beautiful, smart nerd at the age of thirty and started a family. Life runs smoothly and I wonder how Robin is doing, heaven? Rebirth? Whatever she is doing I hope she is happy as I am.