#also i like that phoenix is so high merely because hes hard to take down

[ilatians]

having not played passed aa 2-3 i dont know a ton about some of these lawyers yet and Athena Cykes being the strongest is making me WHEEZE i have absolutely no context but I’m inclined to believe you because girl looks RIPPED

Ace Attorney Lawyers Ranked By Their Abilities in Physical Combat

Winston Payne: I’m pretty sure the average Tumblr user could kill Winston Payne with their bare hands.

Sebastian DeBeste: Look, the only reason why this wimp ranks higher than Payne is because he is so sopping wet pathetic that there is a significant chance that his opponent will just start feeling bad about kicking his ass and punch themself in the face instead.

Klavier Gavin: While Klavier is a physically fit young man who is known to keep his cool in extreme situations, he is also a giant law-abiding nerd who has never thrown a punch at anything that isn’t an inanimate wall. It probably wouldn’t be that hard to shove this guy into a locker.

Miles Edgeworth: Look, Miles is an even bigger locker-worthy nerd than Klavier. Anytime anyone, friend or foe, suggests a violent solution he just gets freaked out and begs for them to follow procedures. And no AA Lawyer is more easily thrown off his rhythm and startled than he is. He might have some bulk under the magenta and frills (or at least some impressive leg muscles from climbing 12 flights of stairs every day for like seven years), but he has no idea or will to actually use them in a fight. However, he did try and stare down a man who was aiming a gun at his back that one time and managed to keep his cool throughout all of this.

So like, he’d probably talk a big game and try and intimidate his opponent into not engaging - but if that won’t work he will get his ass thoroughly whooped. And then he’d try to sue them, which is what his threats were about all along.

Apollo Justice: Actually a considerable step up in power-levels from the previous ones. Apollo might be smol, but he is Done With Your Shit and this gives him Strength. Not to mention that one time he successfully tanked an explosion. His famous Chords of Steel can also serve as a tactic to confuse or weaken his enemies.

Kristoph Gavin: Although he is primarily known for his schemes and poisoning, he did kill a man with a single blow to the forehead with a bottle, showing he does have some decent upper-body-strength to use in a fight. And being known as ‘the Coolest Defense in the West’ means he can keep his calm even during hectic combat. But he’s also very pretentious and his constant pontifications might just be the perfect opportunity for someone to smash his face in.

Blaise Debeste: Okay, look, is Blaise a scary tall man who successfully stabbed a woman to death with a candelabra and constantly carries around a deceptively-powerful lighter and has like, implied, motorcycle gang background? Yes. But also I think anyone who encounters Blaise Debeste face-to-face is overcome with such bloodlust rage that it might give them an edge in the battle against him.

Mia Fey: Mia ranks fairly high on the Battle Scale considering the one time she was faced with a violent altercation she just tried to escape and it… didn’t end well.

However, in the two times we get to play as her it’s also clear that she wants to Punch. All of the Things. While Apollo is fueled by being Done With Your Shit, Mia has righteous anger - so I think in a situation where she is actually prepared to do battle she would be able to throw a few decent punches. Also assuming we are talking about Mia while she was still alive, there’s also her Spirit Channeling powers to account for. While we’ve never seen them on screen, Maya told us they are “first rate” and I believe her. Maybe she could channel the spirit of a great warrior to try and get an edge in combat?

Manfred Von Karma: While he also has the same Bloodlust-Inducing-Factor as Blaise, and he does seem less physically fit even though they’re about the same age - I feel like his cane could do more serious damage than Blaise’s lighter. And he has that dangerous fucking Stun Gun on him to easily neutralize opponents. Plus, he did tank that one gunshot he got in the shoulder. Manfred’s opponents might have Rage on their side, but also you cannot underestimate the power of his sheer Spite.

Godot: On one hand, Godot has shown an ability to keep his cool in very dangerous situations. He can smash a coffee cup with his bare hands and barely react, showing that he’s decently strong and resilient to pain. And he is yet another proud (?) member of the exclusive “Lawyers With a Body Count Club”. And while stabbing a waifish, 155cm college student (and part time-poisoner) in the back isn’t exactly the most epic demonstration of battle prowess in the history of Anime Lawyers - he did it (and moved the body and doctored the crime scene and prosecuted in court) while tanking a knife slash in his face, showing his pain-resilience once again, as well as general tenacity that would also be useful in battle. Also, he can summon an infinite amount of hot coffee mugs at will, which must make for a decent improvised long-ranged attack.

On the other hand, his health is also heavily implied to be deteriorating and that he’s basically dying over the course of the final case… possibly due to all of that physical exhaustion. If a fight goes longer than just a single backstab, I feel like these health complications are gonna harm Godot’s performance.

Phoenix Wright: Okay, so this is actually the hardest one to place. I keep flip-flopping on where to put him, especially compared to Mia, and Apollo. Because unlike most other lawyers currently ranked below him, he is a disaster when it comes to being on the offensive; Phoenix Wright is a total wimp who has never returned a punch in his life. However, he is also almost supernaturally durable, unbelievably lucky and deceptively strong. If a solid iron door, a raging freezing river and a speeding car didn’t manage to take him down, what chance does a fellow human, even a more combat-capable one, have???

Calisto Yew: She’s not even a real-lawyer! She’s a Secret Spy who successfully pretended to be a Lawyer for years! She’s got a gun, she’s got a knife, she's got crossbow bolt as hair decorations, she probably has some combat training from her time in Interpol… While she’s clearly more specialized for espionage and infiltration, and not as physically strong as Lang, she’s still got an impressive advantage over most of the regular people who went to Law School. In fact, her skill with barefaced lies and manipulation might also be a skill she could use in a fight to catch her opponent off-guard.

Nahyuta Sahdmadhi: Nahyuta is, in fact, one of the few AA Lawyers to canonically participate in what I would unambiguously call a ‘fight’ (rather than a ‘murder’), when he single-handedly disarmed and apprehended a Defiant Dragon rebel in the sorta-canon ‘Spirit of Justice’ Prologue video.

Like, that rebel guy probably isn't the world's greatest warrior, but the Defiant Dragons have been around for enough time to give their members at least some basic self-defense/combat skills… more so than the average lawyer on this list at minimum. And Nahyuta very easily crab-stomped him. Showing that he has strong nerves, some amazing reflexes and the martial art skills to knock a man unconscious with a single blow. Not to mention the seemingly supernatural skills with his prayer beads, which he already uses as a sort of ‘weapon’ in court. Also that... thing he did to Apollo's bracelet that one time.

Nahyuta might be just straight-up Magic, that's pretty OP.

Franziska von Karma: Look, Franziska might not have official martial-arts, guns, or Literal Magic Powers - but what she does have is sheer determination and force or personality. Franziska von Karma has been intimidating grown men since she was a 149 cm tall 13 years old with a riding crop (I mean, one of those men was Miles, but still…..). She had once whipped Phoenix Wright into unconsciousness in a temper tantrum, and like I already mentioned that taking him down is quite a feat. She is also very resilient - while the shot to her shoulders was designed not to kill her, being up back on her feet doing investigation stuff a day after is still very impressive! Her whip might not be as dangerous as a sword or a gun, but she will not relent until she defeats you.

Simon Blackquill: Let me just give it to you straight, Simon Blackquill is 1.88 meter tall, he owns a katana and a trained attack-hawk (giving him both short range and far range advantage), he can break solid metal chains with his bare hands, he can cut your hair halfway across the room with a feather. Not to mention how he could probably use the whole psychological manipulation in battle to intimidate or goad his enemy. There’s not even a lot of funny or interesting points to bring up, he is literally an action movie character who just happens to also be a lawyer.

Athena Cykes: Athena Cykes is the strongest lawyer. One day, she’ll be stronger than whales. I believe in her.

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

ScottyMcGeester Plays Every Final Fantasy Game*

*Okay, all the main games except 11 and 14 since they are online only, and also no spinoffs or sequels.

THE INTRODUCTION

Years ago, I had a goal to finish every Final Fantasy game. As of December 30, 2020, I finally reached that goal. I originally started posting these reviews way back in 2017 on VGF(VIdeo Game Forums), and posted one review after another as I completed each game. I had already finished a few before I started reviewing the series, such as Final Fantasy I, II, VI, IX, and X.

Final Fantasy X was my very first Final Fantasy game, way back when it first came out on the PS2. It took me years to finish that game, mostly because I was still a novice at RPGs and I didn’t quite know what I was doing. Still, the world and concepts of Final Fantasy gripped me. As a sci-fi/fantasy writer, they inspired tons of elements in my stories. The series spans a multitude of genre-bending stories – sci-fi, fantasy, some steampunk, modern fantasy, space, traditional fantasy with knights in armor – and a whole lot of crystals. I wrote these reviews as if you have no idea what Final Fantasy is – whether you are a gamer or non-gamer. This first post is a general introduction to the series as a whole, but even if you are a die-hard fan already, there are some things that I explore that I hope you'll find interesting. What is Final Fantasy? Final Fantasy is a roleplay video game series that started back in 1987. The first game was reminiscent of Dungeons and Dragons, where you could choose one of six roles for a team of four: White Mage, Black Mage, Red Mage, Thief, Monk and Warrior. Square, now known as Square Enix, developed the game. A legendary rumor about the title “Final Fantasy” comes from the story that they were on the verge of bankruptcy. They only had money for one more game, a fantasy game. They dubbed it “Final Fantasy.” This apocryphal story is nowhere near true. Square had made video games before and they didn’t do well, but the company itself wasn’t on the verge of bankruptcy. What happened was that the developer, Hironobu Sakaguchi, had planned to retire. He didn’t see any foreseeable future in video gaming with Square’s mediocre performance. He wanted to make a fantasy game and dubbed it “Final Fantasy”, since it was to be his personal last work. He also wanted the game to be abbreviated as “FF” – they originally had “Fighting Fantasy” in mind but that name was already trademarked by a board game. Final Fantasy initially sold 400,000 copies in Japan and became and instant hit. Nintendo of America approached Square to release a localized version for the states. Final Fantasy became far from Sakaguchi’s last game. What’s Final Fantasy about? Every main Final Fantasy game has a new story with new characters and even new gameplay. Some games have direct sequels and are recognizable with a subtitle, or an additional number following a dash. For example, there is Final Fantasy VII, and the direct sequel to that Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII. There's a direct sequel to Final Fantasy X titled Final Fantasy X-2. But even though each Final Fantasy game is different, there are still central elements that make them a Final Fantasy game. You can’t just write up a random fantasy story and slap the Final Fantasy name on it. The following elements are what make a Final Fantasy game. Some are obvious while others not so much. Chocobos:

Chocobos were first introduced in Final Fantasy II, but have been present ever since. They are cute, large birds that the characters often ride across fields or sometimes call into battle. They have practically become the mascot of the series. Moogles, Cactuars and Tonberries – oh my!

Moogles (pictured above) are telepathic creatures that help the players, or sometimes they can be a playable character. They debuted in Final Fantasy III.

Cactuars (right) and Tonberries (left) are cute, unassuming enemies that are actually highly dangerous, killing you in one shot if you are not careful or fast enough. The former debuted in Final Fantasy VI while the latter debuted in Final Fantasy V. Summons:

Sometimes they go by different names, like eidolons or espers. Summons are massive, fantastic beasts that you can call upon to aide you in battle to fight the enemy. Summons became a staple ever since Final Fantasy III. In some games, they are merely there to call into battle, while in other games they are central to the story. Airships:

Airships have been present since the first game. They are massive boat-looking airplanes. In the more recent games, airships look almost like spaceships.

Cid:

With the exception of the original Final Fantasy (except in later remakes), every game has a character named Cid. Cid is typically the character who owns an airship.

Items and Magic Spells:

Each game shares virtually all the same items and magic spells. Antidotes. Eye drops. Maiden's kiss. Holy water. Phoenix Down is well-known for reviving knocked-out characters in battle. The spells follow a hierarchy of levels. For example, Cure is the basic spell to heal somebody. The second level spell for healing is Cura. Then Curaga. Then finally Curaja. Most other spells follow the same format. The same high-level spells also frequently appear throughout the games, such as Holy and Flare.

Crystals:

With a few exceptions, crystals appear in nearly every game. They often serve as plot devices, whether they be the force that protects the planet or powerful objects coveted by the enemy. They also oftentimes have a consciousness of their own, communicating with the characters and calling them to their destiny.

Mythological References:

Final Fantasy is riddled with mythological references. Many summons and creatures take the names of mythological creatures or deities, such as Shiva, Bahamut, Leviathan, Behemoth, Odin, and Ifrit. Certain villains share the names of mythological figures or they are derived from certain mythological concepts, such as Gilgamesh and Sephiroth. Many of the games have legendary weapons you can find near the end of the journey. These are typically named after legendary Japanese figures, such as Masamune and Yoichi, or other world mythologies, such as Thor’s hammer Mjolnir. Saving the World:

Final Fantasy isn’t about saving a particular princess, or person for that matter. The ultimate goal is to save the entire world, or even the very fabric of reality. Evil spreads in many ways, such as a sealed darkness trying to break free, empires with ambitious goals, villainous subordinates who pull the strings of politics, or empires destroying the environment. Typically, the main cast consists of characters from all walks of life. They all have to learn to work together and get through their personal struggles to save the world. Existential Crisis (or Startling Revelation):

By the time you reach the third act of a Final Fantasy game, some startling revelation forces the characters to question their very existence. A villain is revealed to be a hero’s family member, a main character realizes they're a clone, another realizes that they cannot live without magic, etc. Typically, the main character questions the nature of their soul, if they die like regular beings and become part of some greater life force, or blink out into oblivion. Whatever the revelation may be – it serves as a final crisis that the characters have to overcome. The Descent into Hell:

Every third act of a Final Fantasy game ends with what I like to call a “descent into hell”. The final dungeon is always some kind of bizarre world. In Final Fantasy II, you literally descend into hell to fight the Emperor. Throughout the series, hell is more metaphorical. The final dungeons can be a massive, sprawling tower or dreadnought, or a strange dimension that appears to have no rhyme or reason. Sometimes I'm reminded of M.C. Escher’s work, “Relativity”, or sometimes it reminds me of some cosmic horror featured in the Cthulhu Mythos. These final dungeons can be inter-dimensional rifts between space and times, pockets in reality, subterranean depths, insane worlds that the villain created, and worlds of darkness. (Final Fantasy IX's Memoria)

(M.C. Escher's “Relativity”)

These stylistic approaches for the final dungeon represent the oncoming battle with the forces of chaos. Fighting God:

After venturing through the surreal and hellish final dungeon, you face the main villain. The main villain always achieves godlike status or the characters actually have to defeat a god in order to save the world from its oppressive reign. Many stories appear to throw in a last minute ultimate god who was pulling the strings of the plot the entire time. The purpose of dealing with gods and goddesses represents the characters’ desire to control their own fate and alter their destiny. Most of these bosses are strange and grotesque, definitely getting a Cthulhu vibe from them. I looked at them and thought, "Christ, what the hell is THAT supposed to be?"

It always feels like THE final fantasy:

Each game, no matter what happens or how it happens, feels like the be-all-end-all of its story – its fictional universe. Direct sequels were unheard of until Final Fantasy X-2, which while fun, was wildly different in tone from the original game, and critics pointed out that it ruined the finality of Final Fantasy X. This is one reason why I think direct sequels to Final Fantasy games fail – what else could the main characters possibly face that is more dangerous than the one they just encountered? Anything else would feel like child’s play to them. NOTABLE PEOPLE Aside from the characters, stories and games themselves, the people behind the series have achieved legendary status. Nobuo Uematsu:

The original composer of Final Fantasy. Uematsu single-handedly scored the first 9 Final Fantasy games. Uematsu surprisingly never had any formal training in music – a trait that would ostracize any composer, such as Danny Elfman. I find that the those who haven't had any formal training usually break the mold with music. Uematsu started working for Square at around 25 for the first Final Fantasy game, starting out with nothing and never suspecting his job would lead him where he is now. His music is unique for incorporating elements of classic and progressive rock, specifically in the battle themes. Uematsu’s themes for each game have achieved instant recognition in the gaming world, as recognizable as the theme to Star Wars or James Bond. Tetsuya Nomura:

Tetsuya Nomura is a video game designer and director who started at Square in 1990. He rose to prominence when he was given full control of designing the characters for Final Fantasy VII – arguably the most popular Final Fantasy game to date because of its characters: Cloud Strife, Tifa Lockhart, Vincent Valentine and Sephiroth. Nomura went on to create more legendary characters for Final Fantasy VIII, X and XIII. Yoshitaka Amano:

Amano is the artist whose work is most known now in Final Fantasy. He has done concept art and design for every game in the series. His style is instantly recognizable. He has also drawn for many anime shows, comics and mangas, such as Vampire Hunter D and Sandman: The Dream Hunters.

And last but certainly not least - THE MUSIC Final Fantasy has left its mark in the musical soundtrack of video games. Each game more or less shares three of the same memorable tracks.

The Prelude:

The Victory Fanfare:

The Final Fantasy Main Theme:

THE REVIEWS

Each review I post will critique major aspects of each Final Fantasy game, such as its gameplay, graphics, story, and music. Today is currently January 3, 2020 (technically the 4th when I post this because it’s past midnight), and I will be posting one review per day so as to not lose my sanity editing and formatting everything at once here. So look forward to the very first review tomorrow starting with the very first Final Fantasy game.

[carewyncromwell]

[Ficlet] Gonna Hit Rewind

Hi guys! So this is a little drabble inspired by a prompt by my friend @drinkyoursoupbitch​, where I show what my MC, Carewyn Cromwell, was up to during a certain scene in the Harry Potter series! 

Before we begin, just a couple of notes --

Post-Hogwarts, Carewyn becomes a lawyer for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement -- you can read more about her life as an adult here, if you’d like! When it comes to the Order of the Phoenix, Carey-Bear doesn’t formally join, instead providing covert assistance while staying autonomous from Dumbledore (who she doesn’t really like as a person) and looking “subservient” to Fudge’s wishes. Later on, this becomes very useful after the Death Eaters take over the Ministry in 1997: when the Battle of Hogwarts begins, Carewyn actually helps take back the Ministry by placing Umbridge under citizen’s arrest and temporarily taking charge until Kingsley Shacklebolt is officially appointed Minister. Carewyn’s outfit in the sketch enclosed below is inspired by this design. Musical accompaniment for this ficlet were “Leave Me Alone” by Michael Jackson (for Carewyn’s conversation with that...certain family member in the aforementioned sketch) and “Turn Back Time” by Derivakat (which inspired the title of this drabble!). And in regards to Carewyn’s negative attitude toward Time Turners...that is 110% my mother talking. When we read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child together, she absolutely hated that it involved time travel, as she found the whole idea ridiculously confusing and illogical. (The whole climax of Prisoner of Azkaban was even her least favorite aspect of the original Potter books. 😂)

Hope you enjoy -- and much love, Soup dear! xoxo

x~x~x~x

“Down here, down here,” panted Mr. Weasley, taking two steps at a time. “The lift doesn’t even come down this far…why they’re doing it there…”

They reached the bottom of the steps and ran along yet another corridor, which bore a great resemblance to that which led to Snape’s dungeon at Hogwarts, with rough stone walls and torches in brackets. The doors they passed here were heavy wooden ones with iron bolts and keyholes.

“Courtroom…Ten…I think…we’re nearly … yes.”

As Arthur Weasley rushed down the hall toward Courtroom Ten, he was unaware that in Courtroom Seven, the door of which was left slightly ajar, Carewyn Cromwell was speaking to her estranged uncle, the new head of the Cromwell Clan, at that very moment, nor that their conversation would ultimately determine Harry’s fate in that courtroom happening just three doors down. 

“You’re not supposed to be here, Blaise, and you know that full well.”

“I merely wished to speak with the Minister, little Winnie -- you are aware of how much our family still supports the Ministry and, by extension, your career, are you not?”

Carewyn fixed Blaise with a very cold blue eye. “And I suppose Lucius Malfoy speaking with the Minister down here mere moments ago had nothing to do with you making an unscheduled visit?”

Blaise cocked his eyebrows, his identically colored and shaped eyes narrowing under them.

“I can sense you trying to enter my mind, Winnie,” he said very softly, his eyes rippling like light blue flames despite the hardness of his face. “It won’t work. You couldn’t reach my thoughts when you were a girl, and you can’t reach them now.”

His voice became cooler, to the point of sounding condescending. 

“Whatever questions you have, you know your uncle would be more than willing to answer them, if you merely ask nicely.”

‘Answer’ -- ha! Carewyn thought to herself scornfully. Lie your face off, more like. But even so...if I’m going to get what I need, I need to keep him talking...

Carewyn went very quiet, considering Blaise carefully and her next words even more so. 

“...Are you or are you not associating with Lucius Malfoy?” she asked softly.

“You might recall that he and Father were business associates back in the day.”

“Of course I do. That’s why I’m asking. Or have you forgotten where Grandfather’s activities sentenced him -- where they sentenced you, until you were able to bribe the Minister to reduce the rest of your family’s sentences?”

“Our family, little Winnie,” Blaise corrected her, a notable, fiery edge to his voice.

You all may be related to me by blood, but you are not my family, Carewyn thought fiercely, but she once again bit her tongue. If she provoked his temper the way she was tempted to, he’d be less likely to talk to her. 

When she didn’t respond, Blaise continued. 

“Lucius Malfoy has always had a working relationship with the Cromwell Clan. It’s only natural that we speak from time to time, as two patriarchs of prominent magical families.”

“Magical families with certain reputations, you mean,” Carewyn said very coolly. 

“Cornelius Fudge thinks very highly of Lucius Malfoy.”

“And of you, thanks to your impressive acting. But that doesn’t extend to everyone else, and you know it.”

“Of course,” said Blaise with a very cool smirk. “That’s something we have in common, isn’t it, Winnie? Putting on a charming face to get what we want, and not caring who hates us for it?”

Carewyn didn’t care enough to argue this point -- she’d already had this sort of discussion with Rakepick several times back in the day, and she knew that it meant Blaise was not only trying to divert the conversation, but also was absolutely full of it. 

You’re acting like this fact makes us just as bad as each other, Blaise, but it doesn’t. Even if we have some similarities in our methods, that does not make us the same. I’ve never terrorized people to try to advance myself. I’ve never manipulated or forced anyone to join a criminal organization. I’ve never masqueraded as my nephew in order to try to manipulate my niece into selling her soul and her freedom just to save him. However much I’m not perfect, I’m head-and-shoulders above you, when it comes to the moral high ground.

But honestly, there was no point in arguing with people like Blaise. It wasn’t like she’d ever convince him that everything he thought was wrong -- that Muggles weren’t inferior, Charles Cromwell was an abusive monster, and everything he and the Cromwell Clan did to try to get Carewyn, Jacob, and Lane back under their control was reprehensible rather than justified -- and she didn’t feel enough passion to try. Especially not when there were more important things happening at that very moment...

Harry would be in the courtroom by now. She had to hurry.

Although Carewyn tried to keep her face stoic, her brain was working very fast. Her eyes drifted away, off toward the far wall of the courtroom where the Wizengamot benches were lined up.

“...Look,” she said slowly, her voice becoming a little softer, “my Legilimency has become very sensitive, in this line of work. It allows me to read people’s intentions and feelings very quickly, even when I’m not actively trying to. And Lucius Malfoy...he doesn’t see you as an equal, but as a pawn.”

Blaise’s eyebrows came down over his eyes, but he didn’t respond.

“You and the rest of the Cromwell Clan only got out of Azkaban because you were able to appeal to Fudge,” said Carewyn, “but if you’re associating with the wrong people, that could very quickly sour. Your position will become uncertain again, and you won’t be able to protect them -- especially if Fudge gets the kind of control over the Wizengamot that he wants...where charges and judgments are laid down based on favoritism more than legality. We’re already seeing it with how Fudge is now treating Dumbledore and Potter, after how much he always sucked up to them. End up outside of Fudge’s good graces, as they did, and the same might befall you. I realize that you and Malfoy...”

Are Muggle-hating bigots.

“...have similar politics,” she said at last very stiffly, “...but Lucius Malfoy’s politics are far more extreme than yours, and although the courts decided there wasn’t enough evidence to prove his methods were also...we both know that’s also true. If he falls, he will drag you down with him -- and if you take the fall for his actions, he won’t lift a finger to help you.”

Carewyn forced herself to look Blaise in the eye. 

“Grandfather’s dealings with R got you all in enough trouble. You bought yourself and the rest of...our family a second chance -- something many others did not get. Are you sure you want to endanger that?”

Blaise considered Carewyn very carefully as she spoke, his blue eyes boring into hers critically. By the end, they’d actually widened.

“...Are you actually expressing concern for us, Winnie?” he asked very lowly. 

Carewyn scoffed. “Don’t misunderstand me, Blaise -- I don’t really think you all deserved a second chance in the first place, after everything you’ve pulled.”

Her blue eyes became a bit more solemn. 

“But truthfully...I’m not that upset that you were released from Azkaban. Dementors...they’re wretched creatures. I’ve seen what they can do to people.”

Her expression darkened.  

“...I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, however terrible they are.”

Something confused and almost disgusted rippled over Blaise’s face, making his nose wrinkle.

“Ugh -- and here I’d thought you’d actually weeded out that weakness in your heart...”

Carewyn’s red lips came together tightly, but she didn’t reply. The two stared each other down for a moment, before Blaise finally exhaled.

“Very well, Winnie -- you want to know why I’m down here?”

He reached into his scarlet robes and pulled out a gold chain, on the end of which dangled a tiny gold hourglass. 

A Time Turner. 

Carewyn’s eyes narrowed upon it. 

“Lucius Malfoy has expressed quite a bit of interest in my old department, when we’ve spoken,” murmured Blaise. “One sub-section in particular -- one where records of magical predictions are kept.”

Carewyn’s eyebrows furrowed. “Prophecies?”

“They are truly a fascinating thing,” said Blaise, his voice sounding rather airy. “So much value is placed on them -- too much, one could argue...just as one puts too much value on all attempts at ‘future sight.’ Alas, the section of my old department that Malfoy was interested in was not my area of expertise -- my area was in the study of Time, specifically backwards-facing. We did occasionally dip into the study of forward-facing time magic, but more in the sphere of inevitabilities -- things that evolve naturally in nature, every season -- not human affairs. Unfortunately when I was there, there was an employee monitoring the perimeter of the section I meant to enter -- I couldn’t have explored further even if I’d wanted to.”

“So Malfoy wanted you to stop by your old desk and pick up something that might help him or someone else enter the Department of Mysteries?” Carewyn asked. “Why?”

Blaise shrugged. “He didn’t say.”

“And yet you have a suspicion as to why?”

Blaise’s eyes narrowed upon Carewyn’s face, not angrily, but almost darkly. 

“I may no longer work for the Department of Mysteries, Winnie, but I cannot discuss the more classified branches of their work too deeply. That is part of the Vow I made when I first joined the Department -- it forces me to speak in hypotheticals and vague descriptions more than specific details. But I fear no random stooge using this tool to try to enter my old department, whether Malfoy or otherwise. In fact,” he added with a smirk, “I would frankly love to see them try.”

He ignored Carewyn’s critical, confused expression and pressed on more seriously. 

“You’re not a stupid girl, Winnie. I know you know what’s really going on, under the surface. Me offering assistance to Lucius Malfoy early on is merely how I intend to earn enough favor to keep my family safe, should the worst happen.”

“And what is that?” asked Carewyn.

Blaise cocked his eyebrows again. “Ask your mother. She remembers the First Wizarding War just as well as I do -- how it all started before.”

He turned on his heel and headed for the door.

“Blaise.”

Carewyn speaking his name and sharply grabbing his arm holding the Time Turner made him stop. 

“If you wish to provide Lucius Malfoy useful information,” she said lowly, “you can tell him that that employee was not there by accident.”

Blaise looked back over his shoulder, startled. Carewyn closed her eyes tight, trying to block out the intense nausea rippling over her. 

“He’s there to make sure Malfoy’s superior can’t reach what he wants,” she murmured. “There are many more, just like him, all with the same goal. It doesn’t matter when you go there -- there will always be someone there who will keep him away from what he wants.”

Blaise stared at Carewyn, his eyes narrowing in bewilderment. 

“...Why are you telling me this?” he whispered. 

Carewyn swallowed back the lump in her throat. 

“I haven’t worked with time magic like you have...but people aren’t supposed to be in two places at once. That I do know. A lot of problems have been caused by people trying to mess with time. Mum told me that once in the 19th century, a whole bunch of people’s lives were erased out of existence, all because someone messed around with a Time Turner...”

“Ah, yes, Eloise Mintumble,” said Blaise, sounding as darkly amused as a bully might upon seeing one of their usual targets wearing a particularly obnoxious dress. “Tried to go back more than a few hours and ended up changing things so dramatically that she both erased 25 people out of existence and aged her body five centuries and died upon return trip. A rather fascinating case study.”

“You’re disgusting,” Carewyn said coldly. But she got back to the task at hand, her voice hardening. “Even if Malfoy couldn’t get what his master wants from the Department of Mysteries with that Time Turner, he could still do irreparable damage with it. If all Malfoy needs is assistance, to believe that you’re helping him and for you to earn enough esteem that the Cromwell Clan stays safe...then give him the intelligence I’ve given you. Don’t give him that Time Turner.”

Blaise raised an eyebrow, his lips spreading into a rather condescending smirk. “Why? Because it’s wrong, little Winnie? Because it’s illegal and immoral, and ‘not the right thing to do?’”

“I’m not foolish enough to appeal to you with morality, Blaise -- I know you don’t have any,” spat Carewyn. “I’m asking you not to do it for your own self-preservation. For the Clan’s. ...For your family’s.”

Blaise’s smirk actually slid off his face. Carewyn held his gaze as best as she could, even with how ill she felt. 

“I may not be one of those who takes turns standing watch in your old department,” Carewyn said very softly, “but Jacob is.”

Blaise’s face went rather white, and Carewyn knew she’d struck a cord. For as cruel, selfish, and immoral of a person as Blaise was, he still saw his family -- all of it -- like his personal belongings. And he “took care” of his belongings. He wanted complete control over them and, like Charles before him, he never respected them as people, nurtured them, or gave them any freedom...but Blaise didn’t want anyone touching “his things.”

The older man’s jaw clenched as a rather dark glint flashed through his eyes.

“...I see.”

His teeth still bared, he extended the hand holding the Time Turner’s gold chain and, very slowly, lowered it into Carewyn’s hand. 

Carewyn’s eyes softened in relief.

“Thank you.”

Blaise exhaled heatedly through his nose.

“Jacob always was a fool,” he growled, his voice full of resentment. “Risking his life for people like that Muggle filth who abandoned you and your mother -- ”

“Better than selling his soul and freedom to serve the person who locked my mother and all of you up like prisoners,” Carewyn shot back rather coolly.

Blaise’s eyes flashed angrily. “You will not speak ill of your grandfather, Winnie! Everything he ever did in his life was for us, including you, your brother, and your mother, and I will not have you forgetting that!”

“Crow that lie as much as you want -- it won’t ever make it true.”

Blaise seethed as Carewyn pocketed the Time Turner in her robes. Slowly, his temper cooled enough that his lips spread back out into a rather vindictive smirk.

“For the record, Winnie...Time moves in a loop. If Lucius Malfoy were to use the Time Turner after I give it to him a half-hour from now, the effects would’ve already been felt by us by now. We would have heard about someone having broken into the Department of Mysteries before our conversation even started. The fact that we are not hearing that means that he never receives the Time Turner from me. So, in fact, it was already clear that I would give you the Time Turner before I actually did -- ”

“Oh, shut your trap,” Carewyn said tiredly. Just listening to Blaise wax on was giving her a headache. “I don’t even want to try unpacking all that time travel rubbish. All I care about is that Malfoy and his ilk can’t try to mess with time, now or ever.”

She turned on her heel and strode for the slightly ajar door. Pushing it further open, she then looked back over her shoulder at Blaise. 

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some business to take care of. Stay out of trouble, or I will not hesitate to prosecute you.”

Blaise’s eyes were very cold even around his smirk. “If there’s anyone who should be warned to stay out of trouble, it’s you, Winnie. I’m not the only one who’s aligned themselves with people who could drag them down, if they fall.”

“Perhaps,” said Carewyn mildly. “But my friends will catch me if I fall, just as they have before. Just like I always catch them. That makes all the difference.”

She walked away, her heels clapping against the black tiled floor as she strode to the end of the hall, listening at the door of Courtroom Ten. She could hear several voices talking inside -- after a moment, she recognized two as Amelia Bones and Cornelius Fudge. 

“...certainly described the effects of a dementor attack very accurately. And I can’t imagine why she would say they were there if they weren’t -- ”

“But dementors wandering into a Muggle suburb and just happening to come across a wizard! The odds on that must be very, very long, even Bagman wouldn’t have bet -- ”

“Oh, I don’t think any of us believe the dementors were there by coincidence,” said a very misty, serene voice from inside the Courtroom.

Carewyn’s shoulders relaxed, even as her eyes rolled up toward the ceiling.

Dumbledore. He’d made it in time. 

Exhaling heavily, Carewyn quickly turned back around and walked briskly back down the hallway, back upstairs toward her office. On the way, she walked by Blaise, who was now deep in quiet conversation with Lucius Malfoy, and Carewyn and Malfoy coldly stared each other down as she passed.

x~x~x~x

Carewyn hated keeping the Time Turner in her desk. She wanted to be rid of the thing immediately, but she knew she had to be patient. 

Around 11:00, just before lunchtime, Carewyn asked to borrow a Dungbomb from Tonks and covertly dropped off it just outside the Auror Department on her way back to her tiny office. The resulting smell resulted in the entire floor clearing out, until someone could deal with the smell. Carewyn herself, however, stayed in her office and powered through, spraying some Muggle air freshener to try to mask the smell. 

I forgot how much I hate Dungbombs, Carewyn thought dully. Oh well...desperate times call for desperate measures, I guess.

Keeping the files on a case she was working on open on either side of her, Carewyn read through them every-so-often as she pecked away at a letter she had to write. This letter had to be concise and to the point, if its recipient was going to know it was safe and exactly what she had to do, to help keep Harry Potter from getting unjustly expelled. 

Right on time, three hours after Harry’s hearing, Carewyn’s Legilimency picked up the feeling that someone was approaching her office. A moment later, there was a knock on her door. 

The ginger-haired lawyer exhaled heavily, her eyebrows knitting together. 

“Come in,” she said. 

Although she kept her voice level, she already felt a headache coming on. She knew who was on the other side of that door -- and sure enough, when it opened, in came tall, silver-bearded Albus Dumbledore, dressed in long midnight-blue robes. 

Carewyn’s eyes hardened as the Hogwarts Headmaster closed the door behind him.

“Hello, Carewyn,” Dumbledore said pleasantly. 

“You got my message from Tonks, then?” Carewyn asked. 

“To come straight to your office as soon as I arrived, but to not let anyone see me entering? Yes. Though I daresay the evacuation of this floor thanks to the smell of Dungbombs helped with that considerably,” said Dumbledore, and his light blue eyes twinkled. “I presume it has something to do with why some members of the Wizengamot were asking what I was doing back here so soon, and why Cornelius looked even more sour at my presence than usual.”

Carewyn’s face was twisted in a deep frown as she finally took the Time Turner out of the drawer and put it on top of her desk. 

“The time and place of Harry’s hearing was changed three hours ago, with no notice,” she said stridently. “The hearing originally scheduled for 11 o’clock instead was moved to 8 o’clock at 7:58 this morning. The letter was sent by owl to Privet Drive at 7:59, right before a second letter informing Harry that because he didn’t show up for his hearing, he was presumed guilty and therefore expelled from Hogwarts. Both letters arrived at 8:52. The Order wasn’t informed of the change until a little after 9, but was also informed by Arthur Weasley that you’d had the matter well in hand and had arrived miraculously early.”

“And so they felt no need to send me any post regarding the matter,” presumed Dumbledore with a dewy smile. “But in order for all of that to have happened, I will have to go back and ensure it does happen -- isn’t that so?”

Carewyn nodded curtly as she handed the Time Turner and a sealed envelope to Dumbledore. 

“Three turns back should be enough -- you don’t want to risk changing too much, by arriving too early, and I have a closed-door meeting with Chester Davies prior to that. Give this letter to me as soon as you arrive in the past. As soon as she...escorts you out, head straight for Courtroom Ten. You should arrive just after Harry does -- it shouldn’t raise as much suspicion if you make it to the courtroom after Harry, since he was already in Arthur’s office when he first received word of the change...”

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled with some mischief. “Clever as always, Carewyn, my dear. You do the Order very proud.”

Carewyn’s eyes flashed. “I’m not doing this for you or your ‘Order,’ Dumbledore, as you know full well. Jacob was completely at R’s mercy after he was expelled from Hogwarts, and I don’t want to even think about where Potter might end up, if the same thing happened to him. And if Jacob’s guarding something in the Department of Mysteries, I don’t want to make it any easier for You-Know-Who and his goons to get the drop on him.”

Dumbledore’s calm didn’t shift, though his eyes did turn a bit more solemn. “And as always, Carewyn, your cleverness is only rivaled by your caring for others.” 

Rising to his feet, the Headmaster tucked the envelope inside his robes and then picked up the Time Turner. 

“I’ll be seeing you,” he said cheerily, “or, should I say, ‘I will have seen you?’”

And with three turns, he’d disappeared.

Carewyn gave an exhausted, groan-like sigh.

“I hate Time Turners,” she muttered to herself.

x~x~x~x

When Dumbledore appeared in Carewyn’s office out of the blue at 8 o’clock that morning, the ginger-haired lawyer reacted with a lot of irritation and suspicion. Those feelings weren’t helped when Dumbledore handed her the letter addressed to her, and yet written in a hand identical to hers.

Carewyn,

First of all, yes, I know you recognize this handwriting. This isn’t a trick -- it’s just the work of a Time Turner: specifically the one Dumbledore’s holding. On that note, ask him to hand it over and then smash it. We have more than enough problems in the here and now: no sense in adding more time travel rubbish to the pile. 

Now that that’s been taken care of, let’s get to business --

The time and place of Harry’s hearing was moved just a minute ago. It now starts at 8 o’clock in the morning in Courtroom Ten. Don’t worry, Arthur’s already been notified and is ferrying Harry as we speak, but Dumbledore needs to get down there right now. Kick him out of your office, nice and loudly -- there are people outside who could overhear, and you don’t want anyone to think you and Dumbledore are on good terms. Which, fortunately, you’re not. 

Now that Dumbledore’s out of your hair, let’s go over what you need to do -- 

Blaise has sneaked into the Ministry, specifically the bottommost floor near the Department of Mysteries, on Lucius Malfoy’s direction. No, Blaise isn’t a Death Eater -- just short-sighted and self-serving as ever. The point is that he has a Time Turner on his person, which he cannot be allowed to walk away with, under any circumstances. You’ll be able to catch him leaving the Department of Mysteries if you go downstairs in the next fifteen minutes. He’ll be meeting Lucius Malfoy around 8:30, in the middle of Harry’s hearing, so don’t let him walk away without getting that Time Turner away from him. Don’t come at the issue straight-on, though -- you can appeal to Blaise to give it to you willingly. Just keep him talking. Once you have the Time Turner, you can hold onto it until Dumbledore arrives in your office at the time that was originally scheduled for Harry’s hearing, so he can use it to go back far enough to arrive at Harry’s hearing on time. 

I know, this Time Travel stuff is absolutely bloody ridiculous. But at least this way Malfoy won’t be able to use the Time Turner Blaise stole to cause even more havoc. 

Burn this letter as soon as you’re done reading it. We don’t want anyone coming across it. 

Good luck. 

As for Dumbledore himself, he arrived at Harry’s hearing right on time, all according to plan. 

“Ah,” said Fudge, who looked thoroughly disconcerted. “Dumbledore. Yes. You --er -- got our -- er -- message that the time and -- er -- place of the hearing had been changed, then?”

“I must have missed it,” said Dumbledore cheerfully. “However, due to a lucky mistake I arrived at the Ministry three hours early, so no harm done.”

[dianapocalypse]

Alright y’all, with the release of Mass Effect: Legendary Edition, it’s time for me to share my playlist for the entire trilogy.

I’ve refined this over like six years so scientifically speaking it’s probably good right. oh also it’s four hours long. so if you have a road trip or a boring job, this one’s for you. disclaimer, it’s entirely possible I have garbage taste in music. I also missed some characters and moments because there’s 65 songs here and I am merely human.

If you don’t have the patience for four hours, I recommend starting at track 45 and listening to the end, as the Mass Effect 3 portion is the strongest in my opinion.

UNDER THE CUT FOR DESCRIPTIONS WE GO!

FIRST MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 1

1. Atlas - Coldplay Eden Prime

“Sometimes the wire Must tense for the note Caught in the fire, say oh We're about to explode“

I really like the atmosphere of this song. It’s ominous, but also somehow hopeful, and makes me feel like Something Huge Is Coming.

2. I Will Not Sing A Hateful Song - Constantines Paragon Shepard

“But I was also born and raised To always speak and listen clear To know the last sound that I make Could be the last sound that I hear“

OK, listen, I think this song is about vampires, and I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a metaphor or not. But I think this is a great song about controlling one’s temper, about knowing that you have to Rise Above the parts of you that want to lash out sometimes to get things done and have peace. Seeing as how paragon Shepard, to me, always seems like they’re three deep breaths away from snapping, but manage to keep it in check, it fits them to a T.

And also maybe they’re a vampire.

3. Hard to Kill - Beth Crowley Renegade Shepard

“So I let the rumors Turn me into a legend 'Cause I'm only human But a good myth is hard to kill”

This one’s a recent addition, but holy cow, I love it for Renegade Shep, particularly an Earthborn or Ruthless, but it works for any of them.

4. We Own the Skies - Five Iron Frenzy Joker

“My hands are bleeding where they often crack The stars will sometimes burn with longing Through the choking black Of night shifts piling each against the next”

This really vibes with Joker’s backstory for me, his super driven serious self in flight school, contrasted with who he is when he can fly a ship. He’s the best pilot in the goddamn fleet and I love him.

5. I Just Wanna See - Smash Mouth Kaidan Alenko

“Mister moon checkin' on how y'all livin' The stars all winkin' at the day that's dimmin' I just wanna see”

This song fits into his reactions to first showing up at the Citadel and his former romanticism about living in space. Ironically, it’s a song about Earth, but I feel like it works well for him. Also, Smash Mouth absolutely sounds like the kind of music Kaidan would listen to, no I will not be taking questions or constructive criticism.

6. Don’t Give Up - Noisettes Ashley Williams

“She's got a talented face and a suitcase Ain't got no desire to go no place In her case she's got no desire with her hand in the flame say's she don't feel the fire “

The energy of this song is just perfect for Ashley’s no-nonsense chip on her shoulder attitude.

7. About As Helpful As You Can Be Without Being Any Help At All - Dan Mangan The Council

“I was thrown in the boat/Cast out to sea Friendly with waves/There were sharks below Hungry for me/So I dangled my leg”

I mean, the title says it all.

8. The Captain - Guster Anderson

“Courageous, just like the captain Marching forward with no doubt in his head”

I have adored this song ever since my friend played it for me, and it’s the ultimate mentor-protégé jam for me.

9. Secret Agent Man - Johnny Rivers Garrus Vakarian

“Here's a man who leads a life of danger To everyone he meets he stays a stranger Oh, with every move he makes another chance he takes The odds are he won't live to see tomorrow”

I have to poke a little fun at Garrus and how seriously he takes himself in Mass Effect 1. I romanced him across four playthrus, I’m allowed!

10. I’m Getting Too Old For This Shit - Kill Lincoln Urdnot Wrex

“This random apathy/I swear it's killing me But I guess it's all the same, till the devil knows my name”

I don’t know ANYTHING about this band, but this song fits Wrex’s disillusionment with the Krogan well, plus, like. The title. (And also, that he secretly DOES care what happens to the Krogan.)

11. Bird Song - Juniper Vale Tali’zorah nar Rayya

“I want to dance on the horizon line But there is something I am caged behind I have a heart made for take flight But I'm low, so low”

I adore this song and the sound of Juniper Vale in general. The etherealness of this one, combined with the youthful optimism, feels very Tali. The line about ‘something I am caged behind’ works well for the suits, too. This one’s especially good if you’re a Talimancer!

12. 11. Green Garden - Laura Mvula Liara T’Soni

“And I’ll fly on the wings of a butterfly High as a tree top and down again Putting my bag down, taking my shoes off Walk on the carpet of green velvet”

I really like this song’s vibes and I feel like Liara fits it well, particularly in ME1, before all her youthful optimism is stripped from her. The scenery descriptions feel very Thessia, too.

13. Feed Me (Git It) - Little Shop of Horrors The Thorian 

“The guy sure looks like plant food to me!”

Do you get it. Do you get my joke. It’s because the Thorian is a plant that eats people. (I’m not funny)

14. Blindness - Metric Matriarch Benezia

“I was a blind fool, never complained All the survivors singing in the rain “

I don’t love the use of blind here as a negative, albeit metaphorical, descriptor, but I think this song fits Benezia’s indoctrination and death well. If you have suggestions for another, though, let me know!

15. Technologic - Daft Punk Saren

“Buy it, use it, break it, fix it, trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it”

I just think it’s Neat

16. Watershed - Vienna Teng The Reapers

“ While you were building your empires I was still sleeping”

I think this is the song that inspired the entire playlist. Vienna Teng sat down and decided to write a song from the perspective of a natural disaster, and it’s so ominous and gut-wrenching.

17. Hourglass - The Hush Sound Virmire

“This is how it ends We believe every lie and say we'll be friends How long will it last? Before we scratch all the scripts and we rework the cast “

hahahahah rework the cast get it because you have to pick who DIES

Seriously tho I really like this song for Virmire and that moment of choice that feels like it lasts 100 years on some playthroughts.

18. Pompeii - Bastille The Siege of the Citadel

“ And the walls kept tumbling down In the city that we love”

Throwback to when this song was on the radio like three times an hour. Which is around the time I made the first draft of this playlist, incidentally! It’s such a good Final Battle Jam for the Citadel, and the part about “if you close your eyes/does it almost feel like nothing’s changed at all” I think work really well for Shepard in this sequence. Shepard knew the Reapers were coming, had been fighting them all along; this attack on the Citadel is just retreading familiar territory for them, as horrifying as the war being brought to their doorstep is for the Citadel’s citizens and the council. James Vega has some good dialogue about that kind of thing in ME3.

INTERLUDE THE FIRST

19. Starships - Nicki Minaj The Normandy Crew

Starships were meant to fly Hands up and touch the sky

I like to have a little fun OK

20. Gravity - Yoko Kanno The Death of Commander Shepard

“Am I alone? is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet still the road keeps on telling me to go on”

Welcome to mood whiplash, it’s my specialty! This is the part where you die. I think it also works for her coma very well, when she’s just drifting between life and death, not sure what’s going on, but something keeps trying to pull her back to the world.

SECOND MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 2

21. The Phoenix - Fall Out Boy The Lazarus Project

“Hey young blood, doesn't it feel like our time is running out? I'm gonna change you like a remix Then I'll raise you like a phoenix “

this song has no right to go as hard as it does and if  you think it’s melodramatic shut up

22. My Body Is A Cage - Peter Gabriel Commander Shepard

“I'm living in an age Whose name I don't know Though the fear keeps me moving Still my heart beats so slow “

This works particularly well if you romanced The Virmire Survivor, but this song captures the energy of Shepard freaking out bc they are trapped with Cerberus, because Cerberus rebuilt their body from the ground up. That jarring, caged feeling is so palpable in ME2 that when they gave me back Joker the first time I played, I BURST INTO SOBS from relief.

23. The Lady is a Vamp - The Spice Girls Miranda Lawson

“That's all in the past, legends built to last But she's got something new”

Listen. She’s a bond babe. Handbags, heels and pistols rock. She’s got class. This is a song about Miranda. That is all.

24. Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down Jacob Taylor

“ I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon After all I knew, it had to be something to do with you “

This one’s about the Vibes for me. Also can apply to his past relationship with Miranda. I’m also super showing my age on this song, oof haha.

25. Stable Song - Death Cab For Cutie Colony Abduction

“Rows of deserted houses all Our stable mates highway bound “

I really like the mood of this one for showing up on the very first abducted colony, the eerieness and sadness of it all and Shepard’s resolve to do something about it.

26. Konichiwa Bitches - Robyn Kasumi Goto

“I'm so very hot that when I rob your mansion You ain't call the cops, you call the fire station”

THAT COUPLET ALONE MAKES THE ENTIRE SONG. I love how playful and cheeky it is.

27. Seven Nation Army Glitch Mob Remix - The White Stripes, Glitch Mob Zaeed Massani

“And I'm talking to myself at night Because I can't forget Back and forth through my mind Behind a cigarette”

Pretty sure we all had this on some playlist or another when it came out, and it’s the perfect Badass With A Grudge song.

28. Science is Real - They Might Be Giants Mordin Solus

“ And when a theory emerges Consistent with the facts The proof is with science The truth is with science “

This one actually got added by my wife to replace a song that wasn’t on Spotify, but that has the same energy; Hank Green’s “I Fucking Love Science”. I get more into the emotional side of Mordin in the ME3 section, but I also really just love his Hamster On Coffee energy and this song captures it really well.

29. Prove Yourself - Radiohead Garrus Vakarian

“I can't afford to breathe in this town Nowhere to sit without a gun in my hand Hooked back up to the cathode ray

I'm better off dead “

The absolute rock bottom mental state Garrus is in when you get back to him in ME2 is so heartwrenching. Might not always agree with my boy’s methods, but he’s one of my favorite fictional characters of all time.

30. Rat a Tat - Fallout Boy Feat. Courtney Love Jack

“We are professional ashes of roses, this kerosene's live You settled your score, this is where you come to beg”

It helps that Courtney Love sounds exactly like Jack to me, NGL.

31. Defeat You - Smash Mouth Grunt

“Hey I know what you've done It makes it that much better to defeat you “

Only I am brave enough to put two songs by Smash Mouth on the same playlist, to be shared in 2021

32. The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot - Brand New Horizon/The Virmire Survivor

“If it makes you less sad I will die by your hand Hope you find out what you want Already know what I am “

Hits harder if you romanced the Virmire Survivor. Mostly from Shep’s perspective. This is a Shep that feels Bad after that encounter rather than Mad, so Your Mileage May Vary.

33. Violet Stars Happy Hunting! - Janelle Monae Tali’zorah vas Neema

“I'm an alien from outer space I'm a cyber-girl without a face a heart or a mind”

I just like the vibes of this one for Tali! I know it’s more about an actual AI but...IDK. I like it. So there.

34. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd Thane Krios

“There is no pain you are receding A distant ship smoke on the horizon”

This song works both on a Literal level with his Kepral’s syndrome struggles, but also Metaphorical re: his Battle Sleep. Plus, Thane is a dad, so he gets Dad Rock.

35. My Medea - Vienna Teng Samara

“For I have made her prison be Her every step away from me And this child I would destroy If you tried to set her free “

Mom of the year award, here

36. Toxic - Britney Spears Morinth

“There's no escape, I can't wait I need a hit, baby, give me it You're dangerous, I'm loving it”

If Morinth weren’t so under-utilized after recruitment and didn’t get killed off in the background of ME3 I’d probably actually recruit her sometimes. I almost did on my most recent playthru bc that Shepard just HATES SPACE COPS. Anyway the song explains itself

37. Turn me On - David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj EDI/The Collector Attack

“My body needs a hero Come and save me Something tells me you know how to save me”

I know this song is a metaphor but also it works really well both literally and metaphorically for Joker saving EDI

38. Robots - Dan Mangan Legion

“Robots need love too They want to be loved by you “

The Geth just want to live peacefullyyyyyy 

39. Be Still - The Killers Love Interest Theme

“Be still / someday you’ll leave fearlessness on your sleeve”

This song works so well for the night before Omega-4. If you had an ME2 love interest, anyway. Also “fearlessness on your sleeve” is one of my favorite set of words ever written.

40. No Cars Go - Arcade Fire The Omega-4 Relay

“We know a place no spaceships go We know a place where no subs go “

This one’s pretty literal.

41. Rocketman - Elton John Suicide Mission

“ And I think it's gonna be a long, long time 'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home “

I like sneaking some Classics onto my playlists, and I think this is how I generally approach Shepard’s mindset during the Suicide Mission, mostly the chorus. I’m also a sucker for ballads during action sequences. This one isn’t a perfect 1:1 but the Vibes check out.

42. Blast Off - David Guetta feat. Kaz James The Normandy Crew

“Got all my people with me And none of us give a fuck So put dem hands up higher Let's smash this party up”

You have to imagine they partied HARD after recovering from Suicide Mission, but before Shep got arrested, right??? This is the Starships for ME2.

INTERLUDE THE SECOND

43. I’m Not Your Hero - Tegan and Sara Liara T’soni

“ Feeling like I am now lighting up the hall I was used to standing in the shadow of a damaged heart Learning all I know now, losing all I did I never used to feel like I'd be standing so far ahead “

This feels like a good coming of age moment for Liara, as she copes with the choices she made in the 2 years of Shepard’s death (giving them to Cerberus), losing Feron, etc. This is her coming into her own as the Shadow Broker. She’s not meant to be an uncomplicated Big Damn Hero, but she can do good from this position.

44. The Well and the Lighthouse - Arcade Fire The Alpha Relay Incident

“I'm serving time All for a crime I did commit You want the truth? You know I'd do it all again“

These opening lines I feel capture the Alpha Relay Incident really well, and how Shepard did what they HAD to do there, and would do it again, but it still feels like shit. I always wished there was more choice on that mission, but also, having something like that happen without player agency is interesting. Shepard is at their most interesting, I think, in times where we DON’T have a say in what happens to them.

45. Reignite - Malukah Commander Shepard

“Crush my heart into embers, and I will reignite”

Is it cheating to use a Mass Effect fan song on my playlist? I certainly don’t think so, and this is the best Mass Effect fan song ever written.

THIRD MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 3

46. This Is War - Thirty Seconds to Mars Leaving Earth

“It's the moment of truth, and the moment to lie The moment to live and the moment to die The moment to fight, the moment to fight To fight, to fight, to fight “

It feels Too Easy to use this here but I’m gonna anyway. You’ve seen AMVs of this set to everything. It’s the ending song of DA:O. It’s the quintessential World At War song.

47. Battleborn - The Killers James Vega

“Up against the wall There's something dying on the street When they knock you down You're gonna get back on your feet”

James Vega is massively underrated and I will love him til I’m cold in the ground. Aro icon.

48. Handlebars - Flobots The Illusive Man

“I can hand out a million vaccinations Or let 'em all die of exasperation Have 'em all healed of their lacerations Have 'em all killed by assassination”

The way this song escalates fits TIM and Cerberus’s fall back into being Just Full On Evil really well. Perfect song for a power trip.

49. Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - The Decemberists The Virmire Survivor

“And I am nothing of a builder But here I dreamt I was an architect And I built this balustrade To keep you home, to keep you safe From the outside world”

I like this song for how the Virmire Survivor feels about their survivor’s guilt and also about Shepard. I honestly wish they were both more heavily utilized in ME2 and 3, but I realize it’s hard to write a ton of content for characters who just aren’t in half of all peoples’ playthrus.

50. Heaven Knows - The Pretty Reckless Grisson Academy

“One, two, three and four, the devil's knocking at your door Caught in the eye of a dead man's lie Show your life with your head held high“

This song is so perfect for Jack and her biotic kids that she’s one of the only returning characters that gets her own song on this playlist

51. The Great Fire - OK Go Javik

“But when the flames die down, and everything is gone, Will there be fire under the ashes still?”

Self explanatory. Javik is the fire remaining under the ashes.

52. Bring the Hammer Down - Paragon Priority: Tuchanka/Kalros

“ Hammer strikes the anvil A rage that breaks the chain Strikes down like a lightening In our ranks “

KALROOOOOS

53. Wake Up - Arcade Fire Curing The Genophage/Mordin Solus

“If the children don't grow up, Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up. We're just a million little gods causin' rain storms, turnin' every good thing to Rust I guess we'll just have to adjust”

I just really love this song as an image of Mordin’s spirit looking out over Tuchanka as the genophage cure is dispersed, and watching over future generations. If you didn’t cure the genophage, how dare you. No song for you.

Anyway started tearing up listening to this one while writing the description don’t look at me

54. Ballad of a Politician - Regina Spektor Councillor Udina/Priority Citadel 2

“A man inside a room is shaking hands with other men This is how it happens/Our carefully laid plans”

traitor

55. Cyborgs vs. Robots - Ludo The Geth-Quarian War

“But your iron fist will never knock me down 'Cause I'm powered By a conscious right to conduct my life without fear.”

This is probably a bit silly for this awful war. But also. It does fit. You can’t tell me it doesn’t. Just save them both at the end and you can feel fine having some fun with it!

56. Artificial Heart - Jonathan Coulton The Geth

“It's not a real heart It is a real artificial heart”

Just a little fun with the Geth! This works best with Reaper Upgrades.

57. With A Little Help From My Friends - Joe Anderson, Jim Sturgess The Citadel DLC

“What do you see when you turn out the light? I can't tell you, but I know it's mine

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends”

I happen to prefer this version to any other because of how much fun it sounds like they’re having

58. Dark In Here - The Mountain Goats Priority: Earth

“Steal away at sundown, pick a place to hide Check for signs of ambush, hunker down inside Tired of running, tired of never standing still Hear them riding up the hill“

You know I had to get the Goats in here. Would it be a fan playlist if there wasn’t one?

59. Adieu - Yoko Kanno Leaving your Love Interest/Shepard and the Beam

“My love for you burns deep inside me / So strong Embers of times we had And now, here I stand / Lost in a memory I see your face, and smile”

...do I need to say more than that?

60. My Way (Minor Key) - Chase Holfelder The Indoctrination of The Illusive Man

“Regrets, I've had a few/But then again, too few to mention I did what I had to do/I saw it through, without exemption“

This cover takes this song from something I tolerate when I hear it to one of my FAVORITE songs. The frenzied way he sings the “through it all” verse is PEAK Indoctrinated TIM.

61. I’m Alive - Disturbed Refusal 

“There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice To change myself, I'd rather die/Though they will not understand”

Honestly I didn’t “get” the Refusal ending until I heard this song, then I was like, OH, I SEE IT ALL SO CLEARLY NOW. This is my favorite in-universe Shepard take on the Refusal ending. I always got it from the player’s perspective of being dissatisfied with the options, but this one puts it into the world for me. This is a Shepard who does not trust the Starchild. This is a Shepard that chooses to end things on their own terms rather than submit to their designs.

62. Machine - Regina Spektor Control 

“I collect my moments Into a correspondence With a mightier power Who just lacks my perspective And who lacks my organics And who covets my defects “

I used to have Adieu here, actually, because like Refusal, I didn’t used to GET the Control ending. Now, I do, in part thanks to hearing this song. I mean, just go look at the full lyrics. If this song hadn’t been written years before the end of Mass Effect 3, I’d swear it was a fan song for it.

63. Maybe Tomorrow - Yuki Kajiura Destroy 

“The moon is gone And the night is still so dark I'm a little bit afraid of tomorrow“

I’m a Destroy Ending person, I won’t lie. Full on “the starchild is a liar and my synthetic friends are FINE” indoctrination theory level destroy ending. But this song is not about that. It’s about the canonical destroy ending, and if you prefer a Shep that survives it, this song’s for you.

This song captures the exhaustion and melancholy of the end of a long journey so well. Shepard is afraid of what comes next, the collateral damage resulting from their actions. But they know that, at least, it’s over now. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

64. Waiting For the End - Linkin Park Synthesis

“ I know what it takes to move on I know how it feels to lie All I wanna do is trade this life for something new Holding on to what I haven't got”

This is one of my favorite songs of all time. The hardest part of ending is starting again. Oof. Gets me every single time. Shepard finding the resolve to sacrifice themself for the hope of something better, of things not going how they planned, ever, of learning to make peace with that and the people who loved them learning to carry on without them? OOF.

65. Shine - Vienna Teng Epilogue

“Shine with all the untold Hold the light given unto you Find the love to unfold In this broken world we choose“

Vienna Teng is a master of capturing life’s softer emotions, and this fits perfectly with the epilogue scene for me. Tell me again about the Shepard.

“Find the love to unfold in this broken world we choose” has to be one of the greatest lines about the human experience ever written.

[bloodfromthethorn]

PTSD

Los Angeles doesn't get a lot of storms, but when it does, the Phoenix team takes notice.

Part four of the July of Whump 2021 prompt challenge.

Also on AO3. 

..

The whole team was exhausted when they filed into the War Room for debrief. Eight long days of running around Indonesia chasing a covert terrorist cell was not exactly an activity conducive to getting a good night’s rest, and all of them showed it. Of all of them, Jack was probably managing the best, his years on the job getting him comfortably into the habit of grabbing catnaps in moments of quiet, but even he was on the verge of crashing hard. Boze looked like he’d already given up the ghost and had embraced sleepwalking.

Matty eyed them all with a sort of quiet concern she very rarely let them actually see.

“I know you’re tired,” she started carefully, “So let’s keep this short. Do you have any injuries to report?”

There was a general negative hum.

“Anything outside of what I caught on comms that I need to know about?”

Again, a quiet murmur of no.

“Do any of you have any questions or concerns you wish to raise about this mission?”

This time Jack’s hum was a little more non-committal; he had every intention of bitching about the state of their non-existent intel in his report, but that could wait until he’d been unconscious for a solid 20 hours. Getting into it now would only get messy and besides, he’d bitched about it plenty on comms too.

Matty nodded sharply when none of them spoke up. No doubt she’d caught their mild discontentment, but she was smart enough to realise now was not the time to fight that particular battle. Instead, she offered them a rare smile. “I think that’s all we need to cover right now. You’ve all got the rest of the week off – go home and get some rest.”

There was an audible sigh of relief as they turned as one to leave. Of course, that had to be the moment when Matty called after them.

“Oh, Jack, one more thing.”

He barely resisted letting out an audible groan as he swayed back on his heels, glancing over his shoulder. Ahead of him, the team also paused, interested despite their fatigue in whatever else Matty had to say.

“Weather reports indicate there’s a storm front coming in,” she said, apology and concern in her face if not her voice. She was watching Jack closely as she delivered the news. “Should reach the city in a few hours and last at least the night.”

At that, Jack really couldn’t help but groan. His head swivelled to meet Mac’s gaze, who was staring back at him with a resigned sort of distress colouring his face. Of all the possible times for LA to get a rare summer storm, it had to be right when the pair of them were already on their last legs. Of course.

“Copy that,” he said instead of screaming his frustration to the world, because despite what Matty said he did actually know the meaning of professionalism, thank you very much. “My house or yours, hoss?”

Mac considered it, looking tired and wan in the fluorescent lights. He might be the toughest person Jack knew, but right then he didn’t look like he could survive another sleepless night. “That waffle place near me does delivery until 2am now,” he mused after a moment’s thought.

Jack shot him a grin he didn’t really feel. “Sold.”

“But Boze-” Mac started, twisting to look at where the other two members of their team were still lingering in the doorway.

Riley neatly cut him off before he could finish voicing his concerns. “Boze will be perfectly fine spending the night at my place,” she said, casting a quick glance at the man in question to make sure he was fine with the arrangement. “You guys do what you need to do. Have fun with your waffles.”

“Yeah, man,” Bozer chipped in, “I’m all good. Don’t worry about me. Just try to get some rest if you can.” Riley tugged on his arm to get the pair of them moving, but he still twisted round to call over his shoulder, “And save me some waffles!”

With that they were gone, leaving Jack smiling fondly after them and Mac looking like his overworked brain was still trying to catch up with the conversation he’d just had. God, he was about thirty hours past exhausted and Jack could hardly stand knowing it would be some time yet before he could get some proper sleep in him.

“C’mon hoss,” he said softly, nudging at Mac’s elbow to grab his attention. “Let’s get you home. If we hurry, we might get a quick snooze in before the storm gets here.”

..

Mac did actually manage to catch a brief nap during the car ride home but he woke with a jolt when the engine shut off, much to Jack’s chagrin. Mac had never quite managed to pull off Jack’s habit of falling asleep at the drop of a hat, and it really cost him on long missions. His Overwatch had made it something of a personal mission to get Mac to sleep whenever he feasibly could.

“Anything left in the fridge is probably out of date,” Mac mused as they shambled into the house. His neighbours had learned to put up with a lot in his time living there, so two barely-conscious grown men would hardly even raise an eyebrow, thankfully. “Pizza?”

Jack considered for longer than he reasonably needed to before shaking his head. “Nah, not tonight. Is that Thai place down on the corner still open?”

“Chai Yo? Yes, but it’s closed on Thursdays.”

“Is it Thursday?”

There was a long beat of silence before Mac muttered quietly to himself and tugged out his phone to check. Jack eyed in enviously, his own having taking a swim in the Banda Sea after Mac repurposed it for some kind of SOS beacon. “Yes, it is. Apparently it’s also July? I thought we were still in June.”

Jack offered him a full body shrug, then dropped heavily onto the sofa. “Can’t be expected to keep track when Matty has us crossing timezones every other day.”

“Yeah. Well, Chai Yo’s closed. There’s that other Thai place, on Harris Avenue.”

Jack wrinkled his nose. “No, thanks. That place was awful.”

Not inclined to disagree, Mac tried to convince his brain to stop being mush and actually come up with a decent idea for dinner. “That diner on Northridge does deliveries now too I think,” he said at length. “I could go for a greasy burger.”

His partner mulled that over, then nodded slowly. “Yeah, that sounds good. You wanna call it in?”

Mac’s phone was already in his hand and he really didn’t have the energy to listen to more of Jack’s good-natured griping about losing yet another mobile to one of his builds, so he waved him off and retreated to the kitchen to place the order. That done and with more food on the way than two very athletic adults could conceivably eat, Mac stumbled back into the living room and collapsed face down on the sofa beside Jack’s inelegant sprawl.

“It just had to be tonight, huh,” he muttered petulantly into the pillow, thinking of a hundred previous stormy nights spent huddled up beside Jack on that very sofa.

The first few times it happened, Mac had assumed Jack was just humouring him. Someone as well trained and experienced as his Overwatch surely had no trouble fighting past the instinctive panic that gripped Mac whenever thunder boomed loud enough to shake the windows or lightning flashes lit up his entire house. It was merely another facet of Jack’s kindness that he was willing to spend the night with Mac to help chase away his demons when his brain was filled with nightmares about failed defusals and gunfire.

Then there’d been that flight back from Panama, when their jet had unexpectedly run into a thunderstorm while Jack was peacefully napping on one of the reclining chairs. At the first crack of thunder, he’d been on his feet, skin ashen and with one hand batting helplessly at his thigh for the gun that wasn’t there. It had taken Mac a solid ten minutes to calm him down enough to return to his seat, fighting his own flashbacks the whole way, and even then Jack’s entire body remained rigid for the rest of the flight.

Mac didn’t think he was simply humouring him after that.

Now, after years of dealing with it – and no small number of conversations with the Phoenix’s resident therapist – the pair of them had developed a system of diversions to keep them level-headed through the worst of LA’s inclement weather. The rest of the team was happy to help out, and all of them kept an eye on weather reports when the humidity started getting high. All of them had at one point or another seen Mac and Jack’s reactions to sudden loud noises or bright flashes and they wanted to do everything they could to spare them from it.

Mostly though, it boiled down to nothing more than being together while they – quite literally – weathered the storm. It was much easier to pull Jack from the brink of a nightmare about failing to save Mac when Mac himself was the one doing it, and vice versa. Besides, as much as Bozer and Riley had learned a lot since joining the Phoenix, neither of them knew the hell of the Sandbox and Mac and Jack were happy to keep them in the dark. There were some horrors that just weren’t meant to be spoken of.

“I’ve told you before man, you’re unlucky,” Jack replied, an uncoordinated arm reaching out to pat Mac consolingly on the shoulder. “Got no sense of luck at all.”

“I’m pretty sure the natural weather system of Southern California is beyond the reach of my personal control.”

“If anyone could though, man, it’d be you.”

Mac considered that. “Uh, thanks?”

There was peaceable silence for several long minutes and Mac listened as Jack’s breathing deepened and slowed. He always marvelled at how quickly Jack was able to get to sleep, envious of the apparent ease with which he did it. Mac had struggled with insomnia even before life as a soldier filled his head with more nightmares than anyone should have to deal with and these days he was lucky to get to sleep inside of an hour when he actually made it to his own bed. Of course, when they came home from a mission like the one they’d just had, all bets were off.

He rolled himself over so he wasn’t smothering himself in the cushion and pulled out his phone. The delivery app informed him that their food would be arriving in about ten minutes, so he slowly heaved himself back onto his feet and bustled around the kitchen warming plates and snagging some beers. Long since familiar with the general background noise of Mac’s house, Jack slept right on through.

When Mac’s phone pinged to tell him that their food would be arriving any minute, he crossed back over to his partner and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. The man came awake instantly, blinking twice as he registered the familiar surroundings before relaxing back into the comforting softness of the cushions.

“Food’s almost here,” Mac offered in explanation, though it was proved moot three seconds later when the doorbell chimed.

They ate their dinner close beside each other on the sofa with the TV playing reruns of an old action show from the 80s Jack insisted was a classic but that Mac was barely able to follow through a combination of poor writing, truly objectionable acting choices, and visibly cheap sets. As the night started to draw in, they both kept half an eye on the black rainclouds drifting down off the hills; by the time they polished off the last of the fries, the first few droplets had started splattering against the windows.

The rain steadily built as the pair of them made their way onto films instead, kicking off with Lethal Weapon because Mac had vetoed Jack’s first four suggestions and felt too guilty to do it again. The first few times they’d done this, Boze had questioned their choice of action films when they were so busy trying not to think about all the things such movies entailed. They’d tried to explain themselves, unsuccessfully. In truth, there was no real way of understanding that fake, predictable violence helped to drown out real-life trauma unless you’d experienced it first-hand. Watching Mel Gibson body check some random actor somehow made it easier for Mac’s brain to process that time he’d been tackled clean off a rooftop by the one insurgent Jack hadn’t seen coming, and so on.

It was strange and imperfect, but they found it worked for them. Provided, of course, that they only watched films they already knew by heart, where gunfights and explosions couldn’t creep up on them.

They didn’t even make it until the end of act one before the first rolls of thunder washed over them. Mac shuffled ever so slightly in his seat, only stilling when Jack’s shoulder brushed against his and stayed there.

They stayed like that over the next hour or so as the rain steadily grew in intensity until it started to sound like machine gun fire against the roof tiles, and the thunder grew into a roaring, snarling beast in the air around them. Jack flinched sharply at the first flicker of lightning, and only seemed to breathe again when his fingers strayed to the pulse point on Mac’s wrist. Mac busied himself with the breathing exercises the therapist had taught him, and traded the occasional text with Charlie when the Day of a Thousand IEDs rattled around his skull. On the other side of the country and several hours ahead, Charlie must have been messaging back from his bed, but he dutifully responded all the same – Mac had done it for him too in the past.

“I ever tell you about that time in Sardinia?” Jack asked just as the film was coming to a close. It was clear that the movie alone wasn’t enough to combat their combined exhaustion and PTSD, which left them trading tales instead.

“I didn’t even know you’d been to Sardinia. What on Earth could the CIA have possibly wanted there?”

Jack settled himself back into the sofa, preparing himself for what was evidently going to be a long and involved story. “Well, as for what they wanted, there was a minor off-shoot of the Mafia making a base there. Something about ferrying money into France or something-” He waved a hand, “I don’t remember the details of it. Not important and probably classified.”

“We have the same security clearance Jack.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“We do. I’ve checked your file. I know.”

Jack pulled on an expression of great offense, touching his free hand to his chest like a swooning damsel. “You’ve been looking at my file? Buy me dinner first.”

“I literally just did.”

“Hmm. Yeah, okay. I guess that makes up for it. But no more snooping in my file! There’s private stuff in there.”

“That time you chased a gun-wielding madman down while entirely naked isn’t exactly private when you write it on an official mission report for the US government,” Mac muttered to himself.

Jack pulled a face at him. “Okay, smartass, you want to hear the story or not?”

He snickered, but waved an obliging hand. “I really do. Please continue.”

The story was predictably embellished, complete with wild hand gestures and a horrendous Italian accent thrown into the mix, but it was precisely what Mac needed to keep his concentration in the here and now. The telling of it seemed to help Jack too – his thoughts couldn’t stray to darker places when he was focused on bright Mediterranean sunshine and a mission that had gone so far belly-up it had wrapped right around into utterly absurd.

They managed to get as far as the part where Jack had to flee his hotel room wearing clothes stolen from the man he thought he’d been trying to rescue before a particularly sharp clap of thunder sent Mac’s face utterly white. His eyes slammed closed and his fists clenched so tight Jack could see where his nails were cutting into the meat of his palms.

Jack’s hands were on him in a moment, one wrapping carefully around his wrist to monitor the jackrabbiting of his heart while the other cupped his jaw, a thumb running soothingly over the stubbly skin.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” he murmured consolingly, keeping his voice quiet to act as an anchor for pulling Mac back to the present. “You’re at home, in LA, I’m here, Charlie’s fine, everyone’s okay. There’s no danger. You’re safe, Mac. You’re safe.”

“Not-” Mac tried, strangled, “Not me.”

“Ah, kiddo,” Jack breathed, feeling his own heart clench. “Everyone’s okay, I promise. I’m right here. You want me to get Boze and Ri on the phone? Hear their voices?”

Mac shook his head sharply, one hand darting up to curl into the fabric of Jack’s t-shirt like a lifeline. Watery blue eyes opened to latch onto his own.

“There you are,” Jack murmured, trying to keep his expression calm and open. “Stick with me man.”

“Are you- You’re okay?” Mac’s voice was very small. The hand fisted on Jack’s shirt was white with the force of his grip.

“Yeah, Mac. I’m completely fine. Not a scratch on me, see? I’m right here and we’re both safe. At your house, remember?”

He nodded slowly, his heartbeat finally starting to slow down and his breathing settling back into a steady rhythm. Jack released his grip on his chin, letting him look around and reorientate himself, but kept his other hand fixed on his arm. Touch was always the quickest way to settle a panicking Mac, provided Jack was the one doing it. Jack’s hands meant safety, meant protection, and they were the best anchor Mac had to reality when he was lost in a flashback.

“’m okay,” Mac mumbled after a long moment of strained silence, recapturing Jack’s gaze with his own. “I’m back.”

Jack eyed him with poorly disguised scepticism, but he didn’t comment on the reddened eyes or the still laboured breathing. Outside, the storm continued to rumble on like an unwelcome guest.

“It was Paktia again,” Mac said very quietly when Jack didn’t pick up his story. “The apartment building.”

“Aw, hoss. We both got out of there without a scratch. No boom.”

“I know that but… It was so close Jack. If I’d been just a second slower-”

“Ay now, none of that. You stop that right this instant, you hear me? You weren’t a second too slow and even if you had been, it wouldn’t have been on you. We only walked away from that because you were exactly who you needed to be in that moment, right? You did everything you possibly could have done and it paid off, and even if it hadn’t that still would have been true. Don’t kill yourself now over what-ifs, Mac. No one wins that game.”

They’d had the same conversation a hundred times and would no doubt be having it again later that night. Mac had said much the same thing to Jack two weeks ago when he’d come up out of a nightmare swinging. Like everything else they’d done that evening, it was a ritual born of long-held burdens and too many nights haunted by ghosts.

“Yeah,” Mac replied at length, finally releasing his grip on Jack’s shirt and slumping back into the cushions. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I’m always right.”

“That is highly debatable.”

Jack smiled at Mac’s return to something more like living and silently congratulated himself for helping it happen. His own anxiety had been through the roof since the rain started, but focusing on helping Mac helped to keep his own demons at bay: he didn’t have time to worry about his past horrors when his partner was right there in front of him, needing his support.

“Well, if that’s true, I guess you don’t want any waffles, huh? I was thinking of ordering some myself…”

Mac’s grin was shaky, but it was there all the same. “Ass,” he said fondly, already reaching for his phone. “You can do the ordering this time though.”

Jack snagged the phone and had a quick look through the menu before placing the call. Mac sat quietly beside him all through, his eyes staring blankly out the window as his fingers came to rest against Jack’s pulse. It was a habit he’d picked up from his Overwatch, and he realised very quickly that it was incredibly reassuring to feel the steady thrum and know it meant his partner was safe and healthy and here.

When he was done, Jack dropped the mobile off on the coffee table and returned his attention to their previous conversation. “Now, Sardinia. Where was I?”

Mac huffed out a near-silent laugh and finally relinquished his hold on Jack’s wrist. He busied his fingers with the label of his beer bottle instead, but it was more a force of habit than an anxiety response – baby steps, and all that. “I seem to remember something about you being half-clothed while hanging out of a third story window?”

“Ah, yes!” Jack announced happily, slipping back into his showman persona to chase away the shadows lingering in the corners of the room. “Now, you’ll never guess what happened next.”

“You fell out of a third story window while half-clothed?”

Jack shot him a dry look. “You’ve absolutely no flair for the dramatic Angus.”

He snorted, swaying to the side to bump their shoulders together. “Nah. That’s what I’ve got you for.”

“Damn straight, and don’t you forget it.”

“I wouldn’t dare.”

[goddessofeternity]

Love Amidst the Darkness

Chapter 12: Allied Kingdoms

The following weeks in the palace were quiet and uneventful, the attack at the tournament was still fresh in the minds of the king and queen. So, Queen Hestia traveled to the far kingdom of Kastria to seek help from their southern allies. The lush forests and swamps were a sight to behold in the kingdom of Kastria. Queen Hestia peered out the window of her carriage as her advisors spoke beside her. The kingdom of Kastria was different from every other kingdom she traveled to. While other kingdoms were built on stone and fine bricks, Kastria was not. Most of the homes were built in trees and made out of branches and other earthly materials. The people of Kastria lived off the land around them. The only pieces of architecture that were made from stone and brick was the palace, their place of worship, and places of shelter from their seasonal storms. The climate was quite hot here, even though Melodia was starting to get chilly. As such, queen Hestia found herself in a summer dress, with a thin shawl over her shoulders. Her long hair was slicked back in a ponytail, a modest crown on her head. Queen Hestia rolled back her shoulders as the carriage pulled up to the front of the palace. Stepping out, she was greeted with flowers and welcomes from the people. 

 “Thank you….thank you so much…” Queen Hestia smiled graciously as she accepted the flowers. The people of Kastria were always so gracious.

 “Welcome to the kingdom of Kastria, Queen Hestia,” a guard bowed to her. “The emperor and empress are eagerly awaiting your arrival. Allow me to escort you to the throne room. Please follow me.”

 “Of course lead the way.”

 Walking down the long halls, Queen Hestia gazed at the paintings of the emperors and empresses of the past. There were many great men and women but were a problem in the past. Queen Hestia could remember clearly when the current empress' ancestor had tried to conquer Melodia over 290 years ago.

♛ 

 “Our emperor demands that you surrender your kingdom to him, or face the destruction of all you hold dear.” The messenger looked at the royals' reactions carefully. “You have one day to answer this message.”

 “I will answer this message now.” King Kyros rose from his throne angrily. He walked toward the messenger and glared down at him. Fire rose from the ground in his anger, the messenger flinched away from the intense heat. “Tell your emperor that I will not surrender my kingdom! I hereby declare war on the empire of Kastria! May the gods have mercy on the bloodshed that will be spilled between us. Now get out of my sight.”

  The messenger quickly retreated to relay the message, almost tripping over his own feet.  King Kyros sighed deeply as he looked back at his wife. Her worried expression softened his features considerably. Walking back to her, he gently kissed her hand and sat back on his throne.

 “Kyros….war….I never thought it would come to this.” Queen Hestia sighed sadly. “Why couldn’t the emperor just accept our messages of peace? War is never good for either side, it just brings pain and death.”

 “Sometimes to bring about peace...there must be war,” King Kyros gently explained, patting his wife’s hand. “We have tried many times to reach out, but it appears the emperor is past mere words.” 

 “I don’t like it.”

“Neither do I, my queen.” He kissed her head tenderly as he stood back up. “I must ready the soldiers at once...we mustn't delay.”

 “Kyros…”

 “Hmmm?”

 “I don’t want to bring a child into this.”

 “Hestia....we talked about this. A child isn’t necessary for us, you know that. The fact that either of us exists is strange. Two phoenixes….Hestia we live forever. My grandfather had my father because he was bored. I have no grandmother or even a mother. They are probably long gone. My father had me because he wanted a child, yes...but he didn’t want to rule anymore.”

 “I know I know Kyros it’s just...it’s always on my mind.” Queen Hestia sighs sadly. “Ophelia told me that she and Zacharias have thought about it. They are gonna try one day.”

 “Hestia...we are the only phoenixes on the entire planet. I fell so madly in love with you, you are the most perfect woman on this planet. We ourselves are a symbol of love, a child just...Hestia we don’t need to.”

 “......” Queen Hestia stood from her throne, looking away from him. “Very well my king...I have a meeting to attend to.”

 “Hestia-”

 “You have an army to prepare Kyros.” She states coldly. “I will see you at dinner.” 

 The king let out a frustrated sigh as she walked away. The hurt in her voice broke his heart. He quickly set out to prepare. This was a conversation that he knew would just continue another day. For now, he set about preparing for a bloody war that would last for the next 30 years.

♛

 “Welcome to Kastria, Your Majesty.”

 Queen Hestia tore away from her thoughts as the emperor and empress sat before her. Queen Hestia gestured for the guards to bring forth her gifts. New medicines, herbs, flowers, and different books for education. 

 “It is always a pleasure to see you both Your Imperial Majesties.” A noise at the base of the thrones drove queen Hestia’s gaze downward. Like Dragleic, the kingdom of Kastria’s residents were also in the company of large companions. A lion and his lioness were nestled at the feet of the emperor and empress. The large predators were making grunts at her and walked towards her. Queen Hestia smiled and knelt down as they brushed against her and licked her hands. Normally these magnificent beasts would be aggressive, but around their masters and people they trust, they were like kittens. Speaking of kittens, Rion and Lyna, the lion and lioness respectively, had four kittens playing under the thrones. 

 “It is always wonderful to have you here Your Majesty.” Empress Yvette smiled kindly as she adjusted herself in her seat. “We have your room prepared if you’d like to rest before we have our discussion.”

 “Yes please rest the journey here is quite long,” Emperor Klein says as he stands and walks toward her. “We can speak later into the evening after dinner.”

 “Thank you...I think I will rest for a bit.”

  “Tia!”

 Everyone looked to the far left door as a young boy ran into the throne room holding a fifth lion cub in his arms. His tousled blond hair suggested he just woke from his sleep. A few maids were chasing behind him frantically and out of breath. The young prince ran up to Hestia excitedly and she knelt and held her arms open to him. He jumped at her with a bit of force and she let out a small breath as she lifted him and the cub up. She adjusted them both as he giggled and held onto her tightly. 

  “Good morning Your Highness.”

  “Morning!”

 “Matteo...you mustn't run from your maids and you are still in your night clothes.” Emperor Klein sighs as he looks at his son. “Queen Hestia is tired from her journey, she has to rest my son.”

 “No! Tia has to play with me!” Matteo pouted adorably as he buried his face in her neck. Queen Hestia chuckled lightly as he held on tighter. 

 “It’s quite alright...I enjoy seeing the young prince.” Queen Hestia smiles as she sets the cub down. “It has been some time since I was last in Kastria.”

 “Yes but he needs to learn his manners.”

 “Klein let him be...he’s only three years old...let him be a child.” Queen Hestia and emperor Klein both look to the throne as Empress Yvette stands. Queen Hestia’s eyes widen as she takes in her appearance. The empress was pregnant again although it was small, her stomach was slightly protruding. “Besides it has been quite some time since he has seen her. If she wants to entertain him I don’t see the harm.”  

 “Oh! You...if I had known I would have brought more gifts.” Queen Hestia says as Matteo jumps from her arms to run to his mother. “Congratulations to you both.”

 “Thank you for your kind words but…” Emperor Klein looks at his wife apprehensively as she holds her stomach. “We haven’t let out an official announcement yet since…”

 “Since our past miscarriages..” Empress Yvette finishes sadly. “We just want to make sure and not get our peoples hopes up or our own.”

 “Yes of course I understand.” The royals of Kastria were very unfortunate in the child rearing area. The empress had two miscarriages before Matteo was born. She also suffered from terrible morning sickness, and was bedridden for months. Queen Hestia felt incredibly bad for Empress Yvette, she was lucky enough to have Althea without much issues. The world could be very unkind to those who have done no wrong. Queen Hestia said nothing further as she continued to converse with Emperor Klein. After being shown to her temporary bedroom, queen Hestia sighed deeply. She hated having to tell them about a potential threat after so many years of peace. With the empress pregnant, it made telling the news harder. Stressing her out could cause her to miscarry. It was a hard task, but regardless she had to do it. So after resting for a few hours and eating dinner, Queen Hestia joined the royals on a balcony overlooking their empire. Pulling her shawl around herself tighter, Queen Hestia sat beside the royal couple. Although the sun was setting, a few rays of sunlight were still beaming. Hestia reached a hand out and pulled the warm rays onto herself and the royal couple.

 “It is always amazing to see you do that.” Empress Yvette sighed as she enjoyed the last few minutes of heat the sun provided.

 “Yes it does have its uses.” Queen Hestia snapped her fingers and set alight candles that were sitting on the balcony. 

 “I’d imagine being a Phoenix is spectacular,” Emperor Klein chuckled as he pulled his wife close. “Being able to soar in the clouds and make fire...it's all very extraordinary.”

 “I might take a morning flight before I head back home.” She smiled at the couple as the emperor rubbed his wife’s stomach. “Kastria is very quiet...I’m surprised by that.”

 “Everyone is preparing for a storm. The cats are restless so we are taking precautions.”

 “If we can help with anything please don’t hesitate to ask.”

  “Of course thank you….” The three of them sat in comfortable silence watching as torches lit up on the empire’s streets. People were still walking about and laughing with neighbors. Children chased after cubs and more big cats lounged in trees.

 “Hestia...what’s wrong?”

 Queen Hestia blinked out of her thoughts as she looked at Empress Yvette. Hearing the worry in her voice made her uneasy. She looked at emperor Klein and they both looked worried.

 “We heard of the attack at the tournament...we never got much details of what happened. I feel as though you have something terrible to speak with us about.”

 “Is Melodia in danger? Are we in danger?” Emperor Klein’s demeanor changed as he frowned.

 “I do have news to speak of. I just don’t wish to put stress upon you Yvette. I would hate if the issues in my kingdom cause...something unfortunate.”

 “We appreciate your concern up Hestia,” Empress Yvette smiled and relaxed into her chair. “Honestly I always feel a bit of stress, especially with a storm coming soon. If your news is worrying your kingdom then it will also be the concern of ours.”

 “If you and Kyros need assistance of any kind then we shall back you up. Your family is more than just our allies, you are trusted friends.”

 Queen Hestia sighed deeply as she looked at her dear friends. In her heart she hoped that maybe the threat was dealt with when the creature was slain, but that was just a foolish thought. Her visions proved otherwise...her vision showed a greater threat to her family and kingdom. If it wasn’t stopped then it would be the end for them all.

 “At our tournament...it was infiltrated and attacked by a single man. He looked sickly and weak, but he had somehow made it quite far into the tournament. One of the knights fighting him drew his blood, and that was when he transformed into a grotesque creature. It killed many of our soldiers and almost...it….it almost killed Althea. I was leaving the arena with her and Ophelia and the children, and it killed the knight traveling with her.”

 “Oh Hestia! I am so glad she is alright now.” Yvette held a hand over her heart as she leaned back. She placed her hand on her stomach and Klein put his hand over hers. 

 “How did you kill this creature?” Klein asked with clenched teeth. His grip had tightened on his wife’s hand as she patted his to calm him down.

 “I killed it…” Hestia held out her palm, a small fire formed in the center. Klein and Yvette could feel the intense heat as she compressed it. “I set it alight with the hottest flame I could muster. I was so afraid that Althea had been killed that I charged right for it.”

 “So they can be killed with flames…” Klein stood and paced around the balcony. “Do you believe that there are other means to battle this creature?”

 “I think so...I’m positive that it can be killed in other ways. Its blood soaked appearance when it reached us told me enough. It was also quite sluggish.” Yvette sighed and sipped her water and her lioness Lyna slinked up with a cub in her powerful jaws. Matteo was holding her tail and rubbing his eyes. 

 “Matteo…” Klein sighed as he lifted his son into his arms. “You are a terror to put to sleep son.”

 Yvette and Hestia smiled and laughed at the young prince. Especially when he tried to fight his growing sleepiness. He played with Lyna and her cub and Yvette patted his unruly hair as he giggled and laughed. “I wish to apologize again for bringing such awful news to you both…”

 “You’ve warned us about an incredible danger...I know you were worried about informing me, but I will be fine and I’ll be better when we have properly prepared ourselves.” Yvette looked over the empire as the people started to retire for the night. Hestia smiled as Matteo climbed into her lap and immediately fell asleep, she ran her fingers through his hair as he drifted off. “Klein I wish to speak with Hestia alone for a bit, we can put Matteo to bed.”

 “Are you sure? I’d rather you get some sleep…” Yvette smiled and laughed at his worry.

 “I will join you in our bed soon my lion…” The couple exchanged a few more words before they kissed and Klein left. Hestia stood and carefully handled Matteo as she walked the halls with Yvette. 

 “There is something else that is bothering you…” Hestia looked at Yvette with a frown. “You seem a bit distracted. You’re worried about what is going to happen aren’t you.”

 “Yes I...if what happened at the tournament can be avoided...then I wish to make sure that we are prepared. I also want that for our friends.” Hestia shook her head as she laid Matteo down on his bed. Turning toward Yvette, Hestia rubbed her temples. “I’m sorry for the sudden news. I would hope that next we meet I’ll have better news.”

 “Regardless, Hestia...we appreciate your concern and I hope that we can stop this problem before it even begins.”

 “I do as well Yvette...I hope Kyros is having more luck with the empire in the east.” Yvette agreed as they left Matteo’s room to chat. Hestia grew a bit worried as she thought about her husband. Their allies to the east were closed off and rarely communicated with them. They were a mystery to the other allied kingdoms as well. They remained friendly enough, but their behavior was concerning. Nevertheless, Kyros and Hestia agreed that it was best to inform them of any approaching danger. Time would only tell how they would take the news.

♛

 King Kyros tapped his chin while he looked outside his carriage window. The palace was a mighty sight to behold. The curved roofs and tall towers soared high in the air. Red trees were sprinkled all throughout the roads. The people stopped and stared as they gazed upon his carriage. King Kyros watched as blacksmith sold their wares and others pulled heavy carts along the road. As the carriage pulled up to the palace, Kyros narrowed his eyes a bit as an entire guard was lined up to see him. Letting out a breath, Kyros stepped down from the carriage with slow movements.

 “Welcome to the Chowa Empire, King Kyros. I am General Honghui. I will escort you to meet our leader.” 

 “It is a pleasure to meet you General. I look forward to meeting and speaking with the leader of your land.” The general looked at the king with a calculated gaze before he led him into the palace. King Kyros took the time to notice a distinct feature about the inhabitants. Each person had the ears and tail of an animal species. The general seemed to have the features of a tiger and most of the guards had dog and cat features. He smiled to himself as he thought of all the mysteries that the world of Edrion held even still. Walking into a large circular room, Kyros was greeted with a woman with dark brown hair tied up immaculately, and a sword by her side. She gripped it tightly as she narrowed her eyes at him, her tiger striped ears and tail twitched at his movements. The guards took their places around the room and Kyros had his gifts brought in.  King Kyros looked around looking for the emperor that he had exchanged many letters with, but only laid eyes on the woman.

 “Greetings King Kyros...are you looking for the emperor? You will not find one, because I am the one you have been speaking with. I am the empress of Chowa.”

 “Oh? This is a turn of events...my apologies Your Imperial Majesty. I would have hoped during our alliance that we formed some sort of trust between each other. I have brought gifts and medicine from my kingdom. My wife apologizes for not being able to come to meet you. She had prior business to attend to.”

 “......” She let out a sigh before she turned and walked toward a door behind the throne. “We can speak in here, King Kyros.”  Frowning a bit, he followed her as did the general. The trio entered a small but comfortable sitting room and the empress sat on a chair with the general by her side. Kyros sat across from her but eyed the sword she never seemed to relax her grip on. Clearing his throat, Kyros started the conversation.

 “Your Imperial Majesty, I have come to discuss a grave issue with you. It could possibly impact your empire as well.”

 He didn’t miss the agitated twitch of her tail as her eyes narrowed. “Oh? You could have informed me about this in our letters. You didn’t need to come all the way here to the empire.”

 “Our communication has been scarce. You suddenly stopped communicating with us a few months back. A formal meeting between us has needed to happen for some time. We can’t keep up good relations between each other if we can’t look into the other's eyes. It is the very foundation to be able to look upon each other and build trust.”

 “......” She remained silent as she looked him in the eyes. “You couldn’t possibly want to seek the aid from an empire run by a woman. I’m sure you don’t seek the counsel of your wife…”

 “Why wouldn’t I?” Kyros knew that she was trying to rile him up, but his temper was not so easy to flare. He could only wonder about her hostility though. Her eyes widened for a fraction of a second before they narrowed again. “I always seek the counsel of my wife. She gives me some of our greatest ideas. My wife and I rule together, not apart.”

 “.....” She scoffed and drank from a tea cup and she gestured for the general to pour one for king Kyros. Drinking from the cup, he felt that he had to get to the bottom of this.

 “Might I ask why you have been so hostile? I only wish to continue our alliance and speak with you about grave matters. You have not stopped glaring and gripping your sword since we sat down.”

 “I have not been hostile.” Her tail flickered behind her, telling Kyros that he was right. “I grow tired of men telling me how I’m feeling.”

 “I mean no disrespect. I just want to break the tension.”

 “I highly doubt that you-“ The doors behind them suddenly opened and the empress's face grew pale. Kyros stood as a pretty woman with the ears and tail of a red panda stood with a guitar in hand. She looked around the room in surprise and Kyros took the chance to greet her.

 “Hello. I am King Kyros of Melodia. It is lovely to make your acquaintance.”

 “Hello Your Majesty...I..I um...”

 “Liling! What are you doing here?!” Kyros looked at the empress with a raised brow as her hair stood on end. The other woman looked down at the ground as she gripped her guitar tight. Kyros watched the scene carefully as the empress sighed gently before moving towards the woman known as Liling. He watched as the empress whispered soft words of reassurance to her. Her features softened in the presence of Liling and it told him quite the story. The general took notice of King Kyros’s stare and cleared his throat and the woman parted quickly.

 “I think I can see why you have been withdraw from my letters and meetings with my kingdom in person. Traveling with her would be quite the scandal and it would be frowned upon in other places. It would not however, be frowned upon in Melodia.”

 All three of the occupants looked at him in surprise, but the one who reacted quicker was Liling. With a happy bounce in her step, she crossed the room and stood in front of King Kyros. She looked up at him with eyes full of hope and wonder. 

 “Really? Is that true Your Majesty?”

 “Of course. We don’t discriminate about who one chooses to love and cherish. I would have been glad to inform the empress of this if she would have come to my kingdom.”

 “You could just be saying that to appease me and get on my good side. I will not let some foreign king I don’t have a relationship with try and trick me.” 

 “Shall we get to know each other then? Trust and friendship between allies should be forged through conversations and perhaps more tea?” Liling giggled into the sleeve of her gown, while the empress growled and sighed deeply. The general led them to an indoor garden where the empress sat across from them both. Liling quietly strummed her guitar as they were served more tea and snacks. Kyros did not miss the looks the servants gave toward the couple. The general glared at the servants and they scurried away quickly. 

“How about you tell us about what isn’t frowned about in your kingdom, Your Majesty?” The empress was not afraid to speak her mind. She was cautious and she had every right to be. The world could be especially cruel to royals, and having feelings for the opposite gender meant it could only be crueler. “I’m sure your council threw up quite a fuss about “things that are frowned on.”

 “Oh they did...over 200 years ago. My wife and I certainly didn’t let the topic just get brushed under the rug.” The sudden breaking of a guitar string had both royals looking at Liling. Her face flushed fiercely as she tried to fix her string.

 “So..the royal family of Melodia really is immortal. I suppose the same could be said about the ones in Dragleic?”

 “Haha yes. Rise from the ashes and all that. My friend Zacharias wishes that he could rise from the flames like I can. The residents of Dragleic live very long lives and I think their oldest resident might still have a spring in her step.”

 “I would love to visit the other kingdoms some day…” Liling looked at the empress with sad eyes. The empress sighed and patted her lover's hand as her ears drooped. 

 “You both would very much be welcomed in Melodia. My family has many balls and we invite many of our allied friends to come. We are having a gathering in a few weeks actually.”

 “Oh!” Liling looked at the empress with begging eyes and Kyros smiled as she crumbled under her lover’s gaze. “Xiaoli….”

 “I suppose that we can see about visiting…” King Kyros chuckled as Liling clapped her hands excitedly. The empress looked him over with a questioning gaze and furrowed her brows as she spoke to him.

 “I do have a question for you King Kyros…”

 “Yes?”

 “I believe you have a child...a daughter correct?”

 “I do have a daughter, yes….” He raised a brow and crossed his arms, he tensed up a bit when the topic turned to his daughter. “Why?”

 “I was just curious what you would do if she preferred the company of women? Would you push traditional values on her, even in your progressive kingdom?”

 “......” King Kyros silently stared at the empress and realized her little game immediately. She was testing not only his role as a parent, but one as a ruler. One who assured her of something that she was sure he lied about. Empress Xiaoli was a force indeed. “My wife and I would gladly accept whoever our daughter brings into her heart, but I will not deny that some would prefer her to marry a man. To continue the line of succession.”

“If she doesn’t want it? What then? I can’t see the point in a family of phoenixes needing to reproduce…”

“Heh...I told my wife that many years ago, but my daughter has brought such light into our long lives that I wish she had convinced me sooner. As our only heir, she has no choice in the matter unfortunately. She has a duty to her people and she has known this for years, if she was interested in only women, then we would do what we need to make sure she is happy. Believe me when I say that my wife and I always consider what is best for our daughter over everything else.”

“Hmm…” The empress chuckled as she sipped her tea and crossed her legs. “I think I like you Your Majesty. Now then...why don’t we get to the root of this meeting shall we?”

♛

“So...the empress has taken your word on the matter?”

“With much scepticism she did. I believe that she was very wary of me. Her lover Liling took to me quite well though. She was vastly interested in stories about our kingdom and Dragleic. I think you two would get along well my queen.”

“I think we would as well. I think I should start planning for another ball soon.” Queen Hestia smiled as King Kyros kissed her hand as they walked through the palace. The queen had arrived back home a few days before he did, and he was more than happy to come back into her embrace. It also gave him time to relax and destress. The last few weeks had been especially tough, but he didn’t want to worry her or Althea.

“We deserve it with everything that has happened.” Queen Hestia gripped his arm tight and he stopped walking to look at her. “What’s wrong my love?”

“I just worry about Althea. I wonder if she’s really happy….ever since I told her about her fiance and then all that has transpired over the past few weeks. I just worry that she might be a bit depressed-”

“Mother! Father!” The royal couple turned as their daughter ran down the hall with her knights following closely behind her. Althea stopped in front of her parents trying to catch her breath. “I...I heard that you were back, Father! I wanted to greet you but I was wrapped up in other matters!”

“Really now? Does it have anything to do with the flour on your face?” Althea blushed as her mother wiped her cheek. “You were in the kitchens?”

“I um...well maybe. It’s a surprise!” She giggled and her mother visibly relaxed and Kyros rubbed her back as they watched her smile and laugh. She turned to her knights and their playful banter warmed the queen’s heart. It seemed that she didn’t have much to worry about in regards to her daughter’s happiness. The couple only hoped they could preserve her innocence for a bit longer, and that this growing threat would only be a distant memory.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[hayleysstark]

Em! Give me your top 5 Merlin moments! And I mean moments of Merlin not from the entire show!

MELLY oh my gosh holy fuck BLESS YOU. not only do you put up with me sliding into your messages at all hours of the day and night to scream about one (1) Merlin Emrys, you ALSO offer me additional opportunities to scream about one (1) Merlin Emrys? i am BLESSED in this chili’s tonight 😭😭😭

5. The Diamond of the Day 

Set against the dark, gritty backdrop of the prior events of this episode, this moment really stands out. Merlin hasn’t had an easy time of it in the final season--or any of the seasons, really, but I think we can all agree, S5 hit the poor man especially hard--and, for a long stretch, it looks like he’s lost the innocence and wonder and, yes, heart, that made him who he was in S1. This is a subtle but powerful way to tell the audience, in spite of everything he’s gone through since he stumbled into Camelot and, in spite of his own insistence to the contrary, he hasn’t. 

Merlin changes a lot throughout the series, and mostly for the worse, but there is still a purity inside of him. There is still an innocence about him, and it’s not dead, it’s not gone. We all know how the story has to end, but this moment gives us a little bit of hope all the same.

4. Aithusa

Can I actually talk about this scene without suddenly trailing off into an extremely horny soliloquy because this also happened to be the moment I realized I was attracted to a skinny Irish kid with big ears and an ugly scarf? No. Is too much. Let me sum up. Very badass. Very pretty. Voice is very deep?? Very sexy. 

Even when the need for secrecy drops away, Merlin doesn’t typically flaunt his powers around like this--humility certainly plays a part in that, yes, but it’s also the genuine, deep-rooted refusal to accept the full magnitude of his magic until the very end of the series. So, yeah, this isn’t boasting or bragging for the sake of it, this isn’t throwing his weight around, this isn’t like that. Merlin’s goal is not  to intimidate or scare Borden, his goal is to keep the egg, and the unborn dragon inside it, safe. He just happens to terrify the literal shit out of Borden in the process. 

And it’s about one thousand percent better because Merlin isn’t trying to show off. He’s just being Merlin. And just Merlin happens to be pretty damn badass.

3. The Last Dragonlord

So, I’ve gone over (and over and over and over) this scene about a hundred times already, most notably here and here. I’m not going to make y’all sit through all that again! Just going to reiterate: this is the way Merlin truly wins Kilgharrah’s respect. Not with violence. Not with bloody retribution. Not with hatred. With kindness, and mercy, and love. Though we see Merlin’s softer side start to fade throughout the series, it’s never truly rubbed away. 

Even here, in one of his lowest, darkest moments, in the midst of a hell of a lot of pain, his compassion still ultimately shines through. 

2. The Sword in the Stone

Holy. Fuck. so, I’ll take this scene all day, every day, thank you very much. It’s similar to the one a little lower on this list, in Aithusa, but there are some key differences. 

In Aithusa, for example, Merlin truly means no harm to Borden. He wants to get the egg, and he will hurt Borden if that’s what it takes to do it, but he genuinely has no ill intentions. Even when he tosses Borden back, we see the man’s clearly not dead and, when Merlin does kill him, mere minutes later, it’s an accident. He’s upset, even, when he realizes he took Borden’s life. He regrets it. He didn’t mean to. It wasn’t intentional.

With Agravaine, here, it is very, very intentional. From the second Agravaine catches up to him at the dead end, Merlin makes it clear Agravaine is not going to leave that cave alive. And that marks this out from all the other murders he’s committed. This marks Agravaine out from all the rest. Because this is not a heat-of-the-moment kill. This is not a him-or-me. This is not no-other-choice. This is not self-defense.

This was calculated. Merlin planned this. Merlin knew it would come down to this, and he planned it all out down to the second the light leaves Agravaine’s eyes. He knows what he has to do, and he doesn’t shy from it, he doesn’t shrink from it. He plans it out. 

And Colin Morgan plays the subtle shift from unintentional killer to cold-blooded murderer so fucking well.

and, please, i know i’m testing your patience here, but please please please allow me a few quick honorable mentions before we get to the last pick because i cannot possibly leave all of these off the list:

The Death Song of Uther Pendragon 

The Eye of the Phoenix

The Secret Sharer

and...... 

1. Le Morte d’Arthur

It was extremely difficult to pick one specific moment out of this whole episode - this one really was the one that made me fall in love with Merlin! - but this one is the first time we see the true depth of Merlin’s power. (Come on, he calls down literal lightning from the sky to take out a High Priestess of the Old Religion while he’s still severely injured from her magic. Tell me that’s not metal as all hell.) And it’s also the first time we see the true depth of Merlin’s loyalty - not just to Arthur, but to all his friends and loved ones. 

Even without the rest of the episode - where, as we see, he makes repeated attempts to sacrifice his life for Arthur and his mother - this gives us a pretty good look into just how much the people in his life mean to him. Like most of his magic so far in the series, this is instinctive--Merlin doesn’t plan it, he doesn’t even use the proper incantation, for fuck’s sake--but it is the strongest, the most powerful, instinctive magic he has performed at this point, because it’s for his friends, not his own defense of self.

Again. Tell me that’s not metal as hell.

thanks so much for the ask, Melly!! 💚

ask me my “top 5″ anything

[writings-of-dumpy]

George Weasley and the Girl in Ravenclaw: Part 4

Warnings: Blood, violence and mentions of torture. Also LANGUAGE and enter: spicy Raven

The summer holiday Raven spent at the Burrow was delightful despite the looming danger that You-Know-Who’s return presented. George could have never asked for a better way to spend his first magical summer than with his twin and the girl he loved, even if she wasn’t aware of his feelings. Fred and George would come up with ideas for their shop that they wanted to open in Diagon Alley after graduation, and Raven would help them out with how to do it practically all summer. George noticed Raven and his mum often went off on trips on their own and he found that to be delightful and a testament to Raven. His mum liked everyone, but he knows when his mum merely likes someone versus when she’s willing to accept them as her own. Harry, for example, made the cut almost immediately. Raven was almost just as fast.

That summer was slightly odd, though, because it was spent between the burrow and the Black residence. Raven didn’t seem to mind the travel, though, so George was happy enough to tag along. Through a severe amount of sleuthing, Fred and George had uncovered that the Order of the Phoenix was recruiting members, and all three of them wanted to join, but Molly made it very clear that finishing Hogwarts was a requirement for her children to join the Order.

George felt the last few days of summer were blurry as he sat in the great hall while a toad dressed in pink spoke about being friends with students. He looked over to Raven at her table and she had an unreadable expression. She managed to make eye contact with him for a brief moment, and the feast began.

“I don’t like that woman,” Raven said aloud on their way to Charms.

Fred and George gasp and smile, impressed. Fred spoke, “Never have I ever heard you talk about a teacher that way.”

“I’d barely call her a teacher. She’s a bureaucrat who just wants Fudge to like her. She doesn’t mean anything she says, it’s obvious,” Raven sneered.

George nodded. “I think you’re right.”

As the year progressed, Umbridge took it upon herself to make an entire wall full of decrees, and one of the only times George and Raven could be together without an IS Slytherin breathing down their throats was during DA meetings.

“Today, I’ll teach you all how to produce a patronus. All you have to do is think of the happiest memory—it can be anything!—and say Expecto Patronum,” Harry spoke aloud. “Okay, break off into groups and help each other out.”

“Alright, give it a go, smarty pants,” George teased Raven. She smiled and rolled her eyes, then thought for a moment.

After a beat, she held up her wand and performed the spell perfectly. Out of her wand flew a silver light that formed what looked to be a large ferret or a small weasel. George smirked to himself and was thoroughly impressed, but expected nothing less.

“What is it?” he asked her, knowing that she’d know more than anyone.

“A polecat. It’s a kind of weasel found in Europe,” she said with a smile and it trotted over to her. After a moment, it disappeared.

“Must mean you’re meant for a Weasley, hm?” George teased with a wink and a blush.

“Let’s see what yours is, then,” Raven challenged with a playful smile.

George thought for a moment. Happy thoughts, Harry said? Not just happy, the happiest. George brought his mind to the night of the Yule ball the previous year and pictured Raven so close to him and he felt his heart beat faster. Happiness swelled in him when he relived the night he nearly confessed his love and he felt for a moment that Raven was his to hold.

“Expecto Patronum!” he said with purpose and the same silver light came out of his wand and formed a medium-sized bird that flew over Raven, and then back to him. He smiled in delight at the creature he made.

“Hm, must mean you’re meant to be with a bird. Perhaps a Raven?” Fred hinted in a low voice only George could hear. George blushed hard as the bird flew away and disappeared, which left Raven in view.

“You did it! That’s amazing, George!” she congratulated and made her way over to him quickly and embraced him tightly. George held her close to him and smiled widely as he held her in the air for a moment. George smiled down at her in delight. For the rest of the lesson, they conjured patronus after patronus and forgot for a moment that the outside of these walls was a horrible dictatorship of a school.

As weeks turned into months, Umbridge only became worse. She doled out detention like it was nothing, and it was a place Fred and George often found themselves. Their usual pranks would cost them, and George did his best to prevent Raven from being associated with hem. As a muggle-born, she was most vulnerable to Umbridge’s harsh punishments. His cuts from her quills turned into a deep scar on his hand that he and Fred were trying to figure out how to cover or fade, but all of that would have to wait.

“Blimey, I believe it’s your turn to see the High Inquisitor, mudblood,” George heard a sniveling voice that could only belong to Draco Malfoy say. His head shot up and he saw Draco dragging a girl wearing Ravenclaw robes away.

“Hey, piss-head Milfoy!” George called, deliberately mispronouncing his name.

“George, no!” Raven’s voice called from beside the Slytherin.

His fears realized, George felt nothing but rage as he ran up the hall and slammed himself into Draco. He ignored Fred’s cries and Raven’s pleading for him to stop punching the blond boy, but George was driven by anger and fear for the one he loved. He couldn’t let Umbridge torture Raven, not without a fight. Draco’s nose was busted and bleeding at this point, and George felt two pairs of arms pull him off.

“Stop this at once, both of you! Mr. Weasley, my office immediately,” Professor McGonagall’s voice rang out through the courtyard. George realized that Raven and Fred had pulled him away from Draco, not the other IS students as he expected. “Miss Barrie, I trust you to take Mr. Malfoy to the infirmary.”

“Yes, professor,” Raven said. She offered a hand to help Draco up, but he ignored it and the two of them made their way toward the infirmary.

George received one of the worst reprimands of his life in McGonagall’s office. He stood there and barely listened to it because his mind was focused on how Raven was now not only going to be taken to be tortured by Umbridge, but before that she had to help the man taking her to said torture.

“I hope you’re proud of yourself, Mr. Weasley, because that behavior has earned you a week’s worth of detention,” McGonagall concluded. “And sixty points from Gryffindor.”

“I’m sorry, Professor. I don’t know what came over me,” George confessed. “I just hate what’s happening here, and when Draco used that slur and started hauling her away, I had to stop it.”

“You’re only one person, George. We all have to cooperate if we want things to run smoothly,” she said and sat in her chair. “I know that matters of the heart can be difficult, especially at such a delicate time, but think before you act.”

“I don’t want to cooperate with racists like Malfoy,” George muttered, echoing words Raven had spoken a few days earlier.

“I wasn’t speaking about cooperating with HIM,” she said coolly and gave George a knowing look. George let out a breath and nodded, then headed back to his dormitory.

On the way, he heard someone crying down one of the hallways. He turned and saw a younger Gryffindor, a first year no doubt, crying with blood on his hands. Fred was sat next to him and attempting to console him.

“I know it hurts, but it does subside. Look, our scars are already starting to fade,” George said as he knelt down next to the boy. The boy sniffled and nodded with tears rolling down his face still. Fred and George shared a look of hopelessness, then a glint in Fred’s eye sparked one in George’s as he assumed they were thinking of a revenge plot against The Pink Toad.

“Now, back to your dormitory,” George heard Umbridge’s sickeningly sweet voice say from across the corridor.

“Cunt,” he heard Raven’s voice swear at the teacher. George immediately stood upright and headed toward the voices.

“That’s another month’s detention, Miss Barrie.”

“In that case, get fucked, you hag,” Raven spat back.

George rushed over to Raven and pulled her away before Umbridge’s head exploded in anger and she cursed Raven right then.

“Come on, she’s not worth it,” George muttered in her ear. The pair nearly ran past Fred and the boy and once they were a safe distance away, George stopped and looked at Raven. Her face had been bloodied and he could see bruises forming around her eyes, and her lips had a few gashes and were swollen.

“Merlin’s beard, what happened in there?” George said.

“She wanted information, I told her no. She didn’t like that, so after a few punches from Draco and a torture curse or two, she decided detention for a month with her quills would be better,” Raven said. “Is my nose ring still intact? Mum thought it was nice on me.”

George looked at her nose and saw a small jewel still in its rightful place on her nostril. His eyes welled up with tears. “Yeah, it’s still there. I’m so sorry this happened to you, Ven… I wanted to protect you, but I may have made it worse.”

“No, I think I was the one who made it worse, George. Thank you for trying, though,” Raven said.

“You know, George, I think our talents lie outside the realm of academic achievement,” Fred said as he approached the pair with his head down. He then saw Raven’s condition once he looked up. “Bloody hell…”

“You know, Fred, I’ve been thinking exactly the same thing,” George said with a grin.

[bbq-hawks-wings]

If your interested, I also mentioned that Apollo was the god of oracles and prophecy. And there was that prophecy about Endeavor bringing everyone's demise in the form of Dabi :) even if he wasn't mentioned by name, we know he's the 'darkness' Endeavor's light will summon. And to fit in with that more, Dabi killing Endeavor will erase him from the narrative, which is like the dreams he was having.

(Continued) If Dabi = Apollo, and to Apollo, Hawks were his messenger birds then hmm whatdya think? *nudge nudge* He! Knows! The! Thing! Horikoshi is probably mixing a lot of stories. Someone once wrote that Icarus fell all the way down to Tartarus, but I can't find any source for that. We know he drowned at sea, but is there anything written on what happened after in detail or is that it? I'd also like to mention, while we're on the topic of myths.

(Continuing) Hawks' eyes are similar to the eyes of Horus/Ra are they not? His eyes are a big deal in the manga, and Ra is known as 'The Hidden One' Now we know Hawks is always hiding himself behind his feathers, there's at least three specific panels of him doing that. The MOST INTERESTING part is that Ra has many names, and one is secret, because knowing that would mean having power over him. (Applies to Dabi too in a way tbh.) but! We're thinking of Keigo Takami here ;)

(Last part) And Dabi held the power over him when he shouted it out and made Hawks lose his cool there. Bonus: Horus lost his left eye in a war with Set, and Dabi's foot was on Hawks' left eye and burned it. - anon from Foxy's tags.

I am VERY interested in the extended/multiple myth angle, particularly in regards to Hawks, Foxy anon. (Thanks for dropping by to talk, btw.) I've read everything over that you've sent, and if it's okay, I'd like to review your thoughts and chime in at the end with my own. I'm going to do it under the cut, though, because this is going to get long. Lol

I absolutely agree with you that Dabi is likely either a front-runner or the main agent of darkness summoned by Endeavor's light. The concept of the prophecy was introduced in canon, and I don't doubt Horikoshi plans to explicitly bring it up again. Considering Dabi's supposed dark connections to Endeavor's past he's a prime candidate to knock Endeavor out of the sky. When you combine this with the fact that Dabi's hair is black while Touya's appears to be snow white with the character for "light" spelled out in his name, it's hard to believe Dabi won't have some major role to play in this prophecy. The thematic idea that Apollo/Touya, as this more symbolic role than anything, in the background gives Hawks this prophecy to pass on about the incoming darkness is also not unlikely.

I'm not so sure the Hawks = Horus-Ra angle tracks as cleanly, though. Still, I'll follow your thought process first and give it the benefit of the doubt when discussing it before adding my thoughts. I'll be referring to Horus and Ra as the same entity as from my cursory research they were occasionally combined into the same deity and both share some nominal similarities with Hawks. Please also note Egyptian mythology is not my strong suit, and it has its own complexities I'm unfamiliar with. I'm only working with what I know and can research on the surface.

The note about his eyes are fascinating considering the fact that the Eye of Horus and the Eye of Ra are both major, destinct parts of the Egyptian mythology as well as having their own separate symbolic meanings and power - The right Eye of Ra representing the sun and having associations with aggression and destruction while the left Eye of Horus, representing the moon, was associated with healing, sacrifice, protection and wisdom - even being referred to as "the all-seeing eye."

Yet as potentially rich and interesting this angle is, I'm not entirely sure it's close enough to canon to stick.

My first objection starts with his proposed equivalence to Ra who is considered king of the gods and creator of all things as well as the personification of the sun itself. Imo, this is just too lofty of a position to accurately attribute to Hawks. Despite losing the sweet "bird of prey" aesthetic, I think Thoth would probably be a better fit as the god of the moon and writing, particularly as he restores the Eye of Horus. There's also the issue of which eye is burned and the significance of them - seeing as Hawks' left eye was burned, which according to this theory would be the Eye of Horus, it would make more sense for this to read as Hawks losing his motivation to work for those more selfless, positive qualities that up to this point have defined his character and leave only the Eye of Ra, the more destructive and violent tendencies, to reign unless some other character embodying Thoth restored it for him.

This premise of the right and left eyes on its own is positively dope and has a Shonen series begging to be made of it. However, I find it too far removed from the proven inspiration of HeroAca so far to be much more than a neat thought exercise for our purposes today. At least for the moment it would make sense to stick closer to the Greco-Roman angle we have at the moment, especially considering how closely tied together Dabi, Endeavor, and Hawks canonically are. If the Icarus story is meant to be the case as well and we wanted to flesh out Hawks individually more, I could see an angle that keeps the bird motif as well as the consequences of Daedalus/Endeavor's hubris directly impacting him as well.

Nevertheless, with the Egyptian aspect set to the side for now and sticking to our speculation around the Icarus myth for the moment, I'd like to posit that if Horikoshi is actually intending to take the larger mythos around Daedalus to explain the dynamics of these characters Hawks will be playing the role of one or two myths outside of merely acting as Dabi/Icarus' tattered wings. It requires some creative liberties to work; but nothing I'd consider too outside the realm of reason to break it.

Long before the tower, and even the birth of Icarus himself, Daedalus had an apprentice - either Talos or Perdix depending on the source. This apprentice was brilliant - even more so than Daedalus himself - and looked up to him to emulate him in his admiration of him. Though in this myth Daedalus commits the upcoming crime himself out of jealousy of his apprentice, if we tweaked it to mean "due to Daedalus' jealousy, Talos/Perdix was pushed out of a tower to his demise" the angle still works depending on the direction the manga takes. Athena - goddess of wisdom, and interesting in the context of HeroAca, the clever, noble, and positive aspect of war - looked on Talos/Perdix with favor and before he could be killed by the fall was transformed into a partridge who, remembering his past life, never soared or climbed to high places again and only nests close to the ground.

Like the other roles it's a stretch, and we really don't have enough canon material to work with to prove it either way, but a couple of notes in particular gives this theory enough merit for me to keep tucked in the back of my head as we go on.

A more direct, cause and effect relationship with Endeavor should he actually be playing the role of Daedalus.

The specific note of admiration and subsequent betrayal leading to the younger's downfall due to the previously unknown envy of the older.

If this myth pertains to events that have already happened in the manga (i.e. the fall of Talos/Perdix was Hawks' "adoption" by the HPSC) the low-dwelling partridge transformation fits not only because of Hawks' humble and wary nature but because of the symbolic blessing of Athena in particular being the catalyst for the change.

If this is meant to be indicative of events that will happen in the future (Hawks' burned wings, the epiphany about Endeavor, etc) it still works whether Hawks gets his wings back or not. In the case he doesn't he will be a grounded bird, though far from useless and still radiant; and if he does it leaves open the opportunity to squeeze in another myth - that of the Phoenix - instead of the partridge which ties in much more strongly with the theme of transformation and rebirth while keeping with the bird motif as well as ties in Endeavor's personal trademark of fire. This second ending also has the potential to work thematically whether Hawks forgives Endeavor or not depending on the interpretation - the Phoenix rises again reborn despite the fire, or the fire itself gives the Phoenix new life to soar again.

In this case, both Perdix and Icarus fall from high towers due to Daedalus' hubris - the first lured there out of false pretense through no fault of his own and the second out of desperation and even mania to escape and live his own life; but notably, while Icarus loses his wings and falls to his doom, Perdix reaches the ground safely and continues on to live on transformed as a new being.

Again, this is all speculation, and Horikoshi can crush our dreams completely with a single chapter release, but the thought experiment is fun even if I wasn't sure every myth brought up quite works with the canon revealed to us so far, and I get the added bonus of learning about new mythologies I might otherwise not have looked into myself.

Thanks for dropping these in my inbox, anon! I know I may have shot down the Egyptian myth part a bit in regards to fitting with canon, but your points make for killer AU potential! Are there any other characters you see as having parallels to Egyptian gods - other AUs I’ve seen have given Dabi the role of Anubis, for example? I'd love to hear more!

[snezfics-n-shit]

Whumptober Day 28: Concussion

Fandom: Ace Attorney 

Characters: Phoenix Wright, Maya Fey

Notes: So you’re telling me, a mere whumper, that no one had any problem with Phoenix being hit on the head with a fire hydrant and just cared about his memory? What the hecc!? I’m fixing that. Maya is too good of a friend to just brush that kind of injury off. Set immediately after 2-1. Also not only is this late but I also have never written injury whump before in my life, so please bear with me.

     Maya had her doubts that the damage from the blow to Phoenix’s head was resolved. He said his memory came back, sure, but he was obviously not in the clear just yet. This was evident when the two left Defendant Lobby No. 1 and he stopped in his tracks, appearing lost.

“Uh, Maya?” Phoenix squinted at the hall his vision had split in two. “Where’s the exit?”

“You said you had your memory back!” Maya said with her trademark puffed-up cheek pout. “There’s no way being hit with a fire hydrant didn’t mess up your head.”

“It did, but I’m better now.” Phoenix watched the floor move under him and pressed his palm to the wall. “Just need to recollect myself, I guess. Maybe they’ll let me take a nap on one of the lobby couches.”

“Absolutely not!” Maya tried to wrap her arms around Phoenix’s torso to keep him from anywhere he could lie down, but his unpredictable uncoordinated movement made him tricky to get a hold of. “You’re not supposed to nap if you hit your head! I’m pretty sure I heard you could die!”

“I’m beat, Maya, not to mention dizzy.” Phoenix hobbled himself over to a red couch against the wall. “Just let me lie down for a few minutes.” 

His attempt to rest his eyes was foiled by two hands clapping against his cheeks.

“You can lie down, but don’t even think about napping!” Maya thought that was a decent enough compromise. Phoenix, however, clearly disagreed and proceeded to close his eyes again. “Did you even hear me, Nick?”

“Yeah.” Looking at Maya through blurry vision made Phoenix better understand why Richard Wellington thought that baseball glove was a bunch of bananas. Was this what it was like to need glasses? “Can’t really see you very well, though.” 

“Nick, this is serious!” Maya grabbed Phoenix’s arm so she could drag him along. “First you can’t remember me and now you can’t see me?”

“It’s probably just because I’m tired. If you would just let me get some sleep.”

“I told you, I can’t let you do that!” Maya’s volume hurt Phoenix’s ears, leaving them with a high pitched ringing. “If you can’t cooperate with me, I’m taking you to the court infirmary! What if your brain is permanently damaged?”

“I really don’t think that’s necessary.” Phoenix already struggled with balance before Maya started tugging him. If she didn’t slow down soon, he was sure he would fall face first on the floor. A broken nose on top of a possible concussion? He’ll pass.

Maya eased up with the yanking of his arm as they approached closer to the infirmary, but the damage had been done, leaving Phoenix more disoriented than before. He couldn’t focus well enough to understand what the infirmary staff was discussing with Maya. 

“Did you hear that, Nick?” To be honest, no, he didn’t. This was the first thing he could clearly process since reaching the infirmary. “You’re actually supposed to rest if you have a concussion!”

“That’s… good? I guess?” 

“You’ll have to go to a real doctor to know for sure, though.”

Oh heavens, no. Phoenix was not about to let Maya drag him all the way from the courthouse to a clinic, no matter how close it may be. For now, he was satisfied with having someplace to sleep for however long he was allowed.

“Can we postpone that until after I get some sleep?”

“I guess.” Maya shrugged. “You twisted my arm.” Funny, considering Maya had been pulling his arm the entire way here.

Phoenix was directed to a cot. It wasn’t rock hard, but it was clearly made so no one looking for a snooze would want to sleep there without a good reason. “So, I can sleep?” He asked to double check that Maya wouldn’t be waking him up as soon as he got comfortable.

“Yup! I’m still gonna keep an eye on you though!”

And keep an eye on him she did. About two hours into Phoenix’s finally peaceful sleep, he felt something shaking him from the shoulder. He made an irritated grumble as he was forced to open his eyes and see just what was waking him up.

“I’m checking in on you.” Maya whispered as if Phoenix wasn’t already awake from her ‘check-in.’ “Are you breathing?”

“No, I’m dead as a doornail.” Phoenix snarked. “Can I go back to sleep now?”

He could hear the infirmary staff scold Maya for disturbing him and couldn’t help but snicker. Maybe if he asked the staff for some pointers, he could get Maya to sit still during a trial and not risk being held in contempt of court again.

“She said I have to leave you be.” Maya sighed, looking sad as if she didn’t know exactly what she was in for by waking Phoenix up again. “I can stay, though, so don’t think I’ll leave you all alone.”

That was all Phoenix really wanted, besides some decent sleep. It meant not waking up alone and Maya staying out of trouble, after all. He wouldn’t dare ask for anything more than that.

[ryanmeft]

My Top Performances of 2019, Part 1

That’s pretty self-explanatory, right?

A couple notes:

I cut myself off at 20. Many deserving performances didn’t quite make that arbitrary cut. Some will be in the honorable mentions section in Part 2. The order is irrelevant. In fact, it is deliberately random. There were a few cases where two performances in the same movie were both great and complimentary, and I wanted to honor them both without using up another slot. So I just combined them.

Last but not least, don’t forget that while writers and directors can’t make movies without actors, without writers and directors actors are just grown-ass adults playing pretend in front of a mirror. That’s also true of designers, cinematographers, key grips, assistants---pretty much everyone it takes to make one of these things. If you really love an actor or a performance, look into the people you don’t see who make it possible, and be sure to mentally send them some appreciation, too.

On with the show.

Elisabeth Moss in Her Smell

While Joaquin Phoenix and Adam Sandler earned a lot of (very deserving) praise for playing men destructing in slow-motion, Elisabeth Moss went almost unseen here as a woman actively shredding herself and her life while holding onto the fading dregs of fame. Playing the wonderfully named Becky Something, she’s a briefly popular rock star whose absolute lack of control and addiction to power destroy her. But that’s not new; it’s so common a theme in rock movies that it’s become a cliche. What makes Becky stand out is the unwavering intensity Moss portrays her with. There is never a moment of calm, never a place to let out a breath.

Eddie Murphy in Dolemite is My Name

After a couple of decades of his early trash-talking persona being de-fanged by appearances in family films, Murphy returns to what made him famous: swearing a lot. But his turn as Blaxploitation icon Rudy Ray Moore is bigger than that. Moore is seen here as a truly ambitious and calculating entertainer for whom cussing and talking about explicit sex is merely a character for the benefit of others. Could it be a subtle comment on Murphy himself?

Thomasin McKenzie in Jojo Rabbit

Scarlett Johansson got the Oscar nod, but McKenzie is the beating heart of this Mel Brooksian satire of the Nazi regime, fierce and vulnerable and never too much of one or the other. From the moment she appears, when you think she’s going to be the typical meek Jewish refugee hiding in a wall panel and she instead lets Jojo know exactly who is in control, she commands the film, leaving us enjoying the whole thing but also waiting for her scenes. After her debut in Leave No Trace was mostly ignored, her lack of awards success here continues to be baffling.

Scarlett Johansson & Adam Driver in Marriage Story

Not that ScarJo didn’t deserve a nomination this year. You cannot look away from her in this unflinchingly realistic story of an imploding marriage---but Driver sure makes you want to. In a gender-narrative-switch, Johansson plays the cool, calculating one, remaining above the fray though, of course, privately threatening to drown in it. Driver is the overly emotional one, relying on instinct rather than reason. When they finally break down and have a knock-down drag-out, it’s both shocking that things disintegrated so quickly, and entirely unsurprising to anyone who’s ever attempted a serious relationship. 

Adam Sandler in Uncut Gems

Despite the fact he’s proven himself time and again to be a fantastic dramatic actor when he wants to be, few people were unsurprised at the unrelenting intensity of Sandler’s performance here. He’s a jewel shop owner and small-time hustler, addicted to the risk and thrill of gambling more than the reward. But that’s a pretty typical character. What makes Howard Ratner unique is that he lever lets us take a breath---the never ending explosion inside his head is manifested by the constant whirl of activity and terrible judgement on the outside.

Lupita Nyong’o in Us

As the hero of the film, Nyong’o is sympathetic and engaging. Yet the highlight of this double role is her evil twin---a twisted, broken psychopath who tells ghost stories that could scar your mind and slowly-but-relentlessly pursues her prey. It’s a testament to Nyong’o’s talent that whenever both are onscreen together, they seem equally real and equally separate. If you don’t think that sounds hard, imagine having to pretend to fight yourself pretending to fight yourself, and make it look good.

Rebecca Ferguson in Doctor Sleep

Look, I’m just gonna be honest here: I might have a little bit of a crush on Rebecca Ferguson, as much because of her until-now underutilized talent as her looks. She’s simply incredibly compelling to watch even in roles that don’t deserve her level of skill. After seeing her as a centuries-old, soul-devouring, child-murdering, vampire-like creature of the night in the latest Stephen King adaptation, though, I…well, still have a little bit of a crush on her. I probably need a better therapist. You know who doesn’t need more help? Ferguson, who with this role takes back the scene-chewing movie villain from superhero films and delivers one of the best of all time. I haven’t watched Doctor Who in a while; do they need a new Master yet?

Antonio Banderas in Pain & Glory

Banderas was a talented actor right from his early beginnings with director Pedro Almodovar. He came to Hollywood, got a few good roles out of it (I’m still a fan of that first Zorro movie), was relegated to the status of a sex symbol, dropped off most people’s radars for a while, and in Almodovar’s latest finally gets the role of his career. He’s an aging filmmaker who suffers from every chronic pain imaginable, unable or unwilling to write and reflecting on a lifetime full of loves and losses. It is a performance that is difficult to describe in words, sublime and subtle let passionate and romantic.

Juliette Binoche in High Life

I usually hedge my bets on statements of absolute fact, but I feel comfortable saying this is the only movie you will ever see in which Juliette Binoche uses a virtual reality machine and ceiling straps to imagine herself having sex with a person in an animal suit. Describing that scene is irresistible, but it is more than mere shock: it’s an indication of the depths of human drives which Claire Denis is willing to explore, and the bravery of Binoche to trust her to do it. Binoche’s character is slimy---an unethical doctor sentenced to a prison spaceship for her gut-churning experiments---but she’s not a traditional villain. Rather, she’s a creature who exists to fulfill her needs, in a ship full of such animals.

Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe in The Lighthouse

Two men, one a rule-abiding rookie and the other a rambling retired sailor, go mad together in a lighthouse. Pattinson plays the younger man, who seems to believe that good intent and staying on the straight and narrow will forgive him past sins. Dafoe is the wizened, tough-but-fair mentor---or at least so it seems at first. He’s actually as cracked and despotic as they come, leaving us with two unlikable people---one who reveals themselves as such and one who becomes so. It is impossible to separate one of these performances from the other. Witness the scene in which they use stories as verbal weapons. It is as sharp as any actual knife fight could ever be.

That’s all for part one; look for part two tomorrow. Or the next day. Sometime this week.

[asgardianthot]

Flesh And Bones - part 3

Soulmate AU

Series Masterlist

words: 2131

The night was as quiet as one could expect when a part of the team was in an overnight mission. The clock ticked and so their time moved forward, while the heroes at Avengers tower went to bed knowing the hour in which their roommates had to come back. That was the reason why some didn’t get a good night sleep in those situations; they feared they would wake up in the morning to bad news.

Bucky set his course to the kitchen to appease his grumbling stomach. He would probably end up eating someone else’s treat and getting yelled at for it, but his need for a midnight snack was worth it. Inside the common kitchen, he opened the fridge, the cold air hitting his arms where his short sleeves ended as he lurked for something good.

Before he could find any non-deserved food, the familiar tingle crawled under his skin. First on his shoulder, then on his stomach. He shut the fridge and took a step back, taking in the sensation.

He sighed and held himself on the counter.

“Fuck, not again.” He mumbled to himself.

All of a sudden, powerful pain on his stomach caused him to bend over. He pressed his hand against the spot, yet before he could adjust to the ache, another hit reached his back. A suffering moan escaped his mouth, and his legs failed, letting him fall to the tiled floor.

There wasn’t enough time to process what kind of hurting it was, what it meant; it wasn’t like before, when he could guess his soulmate had probably collided against a doorknob. This time, it was so unbearable and overwhelming, he didn’t get a single clue. Whenever he would try to stand up, he would feel more pain on his ribs, his cheek, his knees. Eventually, he also sensed it on his knuckles, but it wasn’t as bad.

Bucky tried to keep quiet, forcing himself to refrain from screaming. He groaned and breathed through his nose and open his mouth in agony before shutting it tight, pressing his lps together. He was more than grateful to the universe when the agony felt more distant, the aching diminished a little. Only then, he was able to weakly lift himself by reaching the counter and, with nauseas from the numbing pain, he stood in front of the sink. It was too pristine to puke on, but it rose across his esophagus until he was throwing up all over the silver sink, the suffering leaving his body, as it didn’t comprehend what had just happened.

His body didn’t, but Bucky did. Who could be near him, and gotten his ass beaten at that very moment? Who was in danger that very instant?

It was Sam. He knew it was.

The realization made him even dizzier, and with his trembling arms keeping him up, he threw up some more from the shock.

A voice broke into the room.

"Buck?" he heard Steve, loud and clear.

He turned around and fell to the floor, resting his head against the marble counter and later cleaning his face with the bottom hems of his shirt. He was panting, and sweating, and Steve examined him from the other end of the kitchen. The blonde eyebrows bent in a frown, concerned plastered all over his features.

"Hey, hey, you alright?" the Captain rushed to help his friend.

However, Bucky rejected his hand.

"Yeah.” He faked a weak smile and spoke airily, “Just... sick. Ate some bad donuts."

Steve stared at him for a few seconds, not convinced. Bucky didn’t look sick, he looked like he was in pain. But he knew he wouldn’t get the truth out just like that. Uncertain, the blonde placed his hands over his waist and stepped back to give Bucky some room.

"You sure?" he checked again.

Barnes felt the nauseas rising up his throat, but breathed them down.

"Yep."

That definitely didn’t change Steve’s mind. But he left him alone, knowing how stubborn Bucky could be sometimes, and simply nodded. He stuck around for mere seconds and when Bucky’s eyes darted to the floor, Rogers turned on his heels.

"Hey, uhm...” Barnes called before the man left, “anyone monitoring Wilson's comms?"

The one thing he could worry about right now, was to ensure Sam’s safety. He was so badly hurt, there had to be some sort of rescue. He would deal with the whole soulmate thing later.

"I think Romanoff's on it." Steve replied with a nod, "Why?"

The brunette looked up at him, then to the window. He couldn’t face the man within the eye and lie so much, but he didn’t feel like he had another option.

"He got an escape route?" he asked, trying not to sound suspicious.

"As usual.” The blonde frowned, “But why?"

Rogers wasn’t as dumb as the joked played him out to be. Bucky sounded far too suspicious; just like he would if he knew something about the mission, something no one else did. If that were the case, Steve needed to know.

"Nothing, I just... always think the worst possible outcome." Bucky lied.

-

The pain washed away after a couple of minutes, leaving a small remain of aching muscles and bones, but not bad enough to walk and sit. He went to bed and tried to sleep, barely catching a few hours of non-consecutive rest. In the morning, he found out Sam had been ambushed and badly injured. Natasha rescued him and had flown him back to the tower during the night, all bruised up and with gunshots inside him.

He had also broken a rib, which Bucky thought would be the hardest to heal. He could feel it when he sat on his bed first thing in the morning. All of that information was provided to him by Rhodey, whom he met in the elevator. Apparently, they had brought Sam in in a frenzy, every awake person running back and forth to get him to the nursing room. That was where Bucky was headed.

The glass doors opened, letting Bucky through to a very stable-looking Sam. Bruce was reapplying his bandages while the injured man sat on a high bed; he was shirtless, which allowed Barnes to admire every bruise and cut. Luckily, anything worse was covered in white gauze.

"Hey, peeper." Sam’s voice rang as he caught the soldier at the door.

Bucky took a few steps forward, "I heard you almost died last night." He exaggerated.

Sam smiled at the comment, and eyed his own body which was nowhere near having escaped a near-death experience. Just a hell of a beating. It only then hit Bucky how many Sam smiles he had wasted not appreciating them; the gap-toothed grin lit the entire room in less than a second.

"That's a good story for a legend." He nodded amusingly.

"He's fine.” Banner cut the joke, “Should be fully recovering in just weeks."

"Like a phoenix.” Sam raised his chin, still on the bit.

After receiving no witty reply, his eyes searched for Bucky. They were used to messing around like that, so it wasn’t common for the ex-spy to remain so silent. As a matter of fact, Sam noticed the man looked rather worried, which caused him some confusion. He didn’t think he had ever been stared at by Barnes with those kind of eyes. He shook off his own concern and decided to say something to ease Bucky.

“I'm too tough to get killed." He added like it was nothing, yet intending to get his co-worker to stop with those eyes.

Successfully, he got himself a half smile from Bucky’s part.

"Still, I know a thing or two about broken ribs, so, uhm... take it easy." Barnes hesitated.

Sam accepted the tip and went back to his usual bothering self. He nodded and when Bruce was done with the bandages, he stepped down the bed with a groan.

"Unlike you, I actually have a sense of self-preservation.” Sam raised an eyebrow, “I'll be alright."

Bucky was left to swallow hard and blink the shock away.

"Right." He sighed.

Sam was right. Bucky was known to be pretty bad at caring about himself, physically and emotionally. A man doesn’t go brainwashed and tortured for half a century without gaining some sequels. He sucked at healing his own wounds, because nobody healed those at Hydra. He failed to process his own emotions, for they had been electrocuted out of him. He pushed things down until he drowned them down his throat, nauseatingly.

But most importantly, he was so prone to hurt himself, never intentionally, but never minding too much either. If he could feel Sam’s pain, perhaps Sam already felt his. Probably not, but Bucky obviated when that would start occurring. The only thing he knew was that he needed to keep Sam in the dark about it. He had to be careful not to get hurt.

That night, he went down to the training gym, just like he did every night. The rest of the Avengers were usually making jokes about Bucky never training, but nobody knew he did it after midnight, after 2am sometimes, when his mind couldn’t sleep. When he needed to clear his head. He got the punching bag ready and began boxing it out, discharging his strength against it until he got lost in the movements.

In the comfort of his bed, Sam felt something. He stood up straight, carefully, in order to not lose focus on the sensation. He examined his hand, specifically his knuckles; for a few nights, he had been feeling an odd sense of tingling on them. He couldn’t ignore it anymore. He checked the digital clock on his nightstand, which read 1:55am.

“What the…?” the words left his mouth in awe.

He knew what this was. Somehow, he had the feeling it was someone else’s knuckles.

-

The following morning, Bucky sat at the couch as usual, his stomach satisfied with the breakfast meal he had just gulped down. Sam and Steve were still on the kitchen space, near the fridge, while Bucky watched nonsense television. Naturally, the two men thought Bucky never paid attention to their morning conversations. However the topic had the soldier’s ears as attentive as they’d ever been.

"So, I think I might... maybe... have a soulmate." Sam let out, uncertain.

Bucky’s muscles stiffened. Steve frowned and set down the bottle of orange juice he was currently holding.

"You mean right now? You felt something?"

Sam swallowed and nodded, "Something, yeah. It's not exactly- well, it's more-"

"Are you sure you're not overthinking it?” Rogers interrupted the illogical babbling whit his eyes squinting, “You know, after we talked about it?"

"No, man, I know what I felt." Sam shook his head.

Steve was suddenly more interested than shocked. His face turned into one of pure curiosity as he picked the bottle back and opened the cap.

"What was it?" he asked.

"Like... a tingle in my knuckles.” Wilson explained, his eyes lost in his difficulty of finding the right words, “But you know... like some slight pain. I've been feeling it every night."

He can feel me training, Bucky thought, and panicked. He could feel his flesh hand sweating; he pretended to keep his eyes on the television while he heard how Sam talked about him without even being aware of it.

"Your soulmate's out picking on fights every night?" Rogers mocked him.

"Dude."

"I'm sorry." The blonde laughed and took a sip of the orange juice; he licked his lips and darted back to seriousness, "What's it feel like? Someone else's pain?"

Sam looked down at his feet and reflected on it. It was so odd to admit to it, even more to describe it. Meanwhile, Bucky shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He wanted to rush out of there, he didn’t want to pry on that conversation. It wasn’t his right, and he didn’t want to think about it. He wished he could pretend he didn’t have a soulmate, but he knew that wasn’t possible, especially having breakfast three feet from each other.

"Exactly like that.” The Falcon breathed out, and then looked back up at his friend, “Like it's not mine."

A knot formed itself on Bucky’s throat, and he almost involuntarily cleared it. He regretted making that sound immediately, and nervously shifted in the leather seat. Both Steve and Sam turned to look at him.

“Go ahead, say I'm crazy.” Sam spat, getting ready for the comments he thought would come from Barnes, “I'm waiting."

"I didn't say shit." Bucky shot back, defensive.

The soldier stood up and stormed out of the room, leaving question marks all over the place and on his friends’ faces.

[bottlecaprabbitgames]

Secret Santa (Iris gifting to Adontis)

Hey, guys!!! Just to let you know, Patreon will have a Secret Santa series this month! The first will be released here because... Well, I'm really proud of how it's written and my proofreaders and I found it hilarious and I wanted to share that!!! I hope you enjoy!!

==========

Iris hums cheerily as she fingers yet another velvety cloak, this time one in a deep, shimmery dark blue. "Ah, pretty! But… hmm…" she shakes her head and moves to the next one, a black with red interior one with silver clasps and accenting swirls along the hood. Her amber eyes widen and she eagerly tugs it off of the rack to get a closer look. It looks just like the typical Dracula cape…

And at that thought, she was absolutely sold. Without further thought, especially not of any repercussions, she hurries to the bored looking clerk and begins to eagerly shove it onto the counter to purchase. 

-----

Adontis quickly dusts off the powdered phoenix feathers from his desk before it begins to eat through the wood with a rather irritated flick of his wrist. "Another failure… surely it cannot be this hard to brew…" The rest of his words are drowned into a low mumble as he runs his tapered fingers down the worn book perched on its pewter holder. After a moment of reading the recipe again, he empties his small cauldron and begins again for the third time. 

Unfortunately, in his careful observation of his measuring and reading, he didn't also carefully observe his surroundings, or else he would have seen the two golden rings glowing from the shadowed doorway, locked onto him like a cat locked onto a particularly chatty bird. The owner of those golden rings quickly enters the room at his back, a large package clutched in her hands. Her cornrows lightly skitter across the flashy material of her mint-colored shirt, but still Adontis is lost to anything but his brewing. 

The intruder waits until she closes the distance, she waits until she is right at his back with only mere inches between them to let out a loud, obnoxiously high-pitched squeal. "Adontis!~" 

Much to Iris's delight and Adontis's later mortification, at the surprise, he releases a most girlish squawk and accidentally crushes the vial of phoenix feathers powder in his hand… sending it all over his clothes. He pirouettes around, his blue-grey eyes promising death and pain and quite the nastiest of things to whomever disturbed him… and they land on the writhing form of Iris, who fell to the floor do to the force of her own laughter, tears streaming down her round cheeks. "What the devil do you think you're doing?!" 

He glares as she wraps her arms around her stomach, her laughter so hard that it's now turned into a wheeze. She tries to speak, but nothing she says is comprehensible, outside of a few letters and sounds. After nearly a minute of watching her, he sighs loudly and dramatically places his non-ash covered hand over his face, preparing to tear the woman a new one… until he hears a soft szzzzzzz. He quickly looks down and sees his clothes are in the process of being burnt away. "Oh, damn it all, look at this, Iris! My clothes are burning off of me!" 

"M-Maybe y-y-your body finally c-caught up to h-how hot you th-think you are," she chokes out, wheezing in breaths as she sits up, wiping at her eyes while light laughter still comes from her lips. 

"You aren't funny, Iris." 

"Oh, no, I'm a hoot." With a deep breath, she heaves herself up off the floor, her lips spreading into a large grin as she comes up to eye level. "Hiya, Adontis, how's your day going?" 

"Horrible, and it's about to have a side of homicide in a moment." Adontis narrows his eyes. "Now, kindly explain why what you did was necessary." 

"I have your gift! I was your Secret Santa!" Iris quickly whips the enormous package from behind her. It looks completely fine, as if she hadn't just been rolling around on top of it. He instinctively leans away from her, his eyes now zeroed in on the package. 

"Oh." He grabs some water and rinses the hand that's now beginning to sting quite angrily with it, before nervously returning his attention to Iris. "Well, let's… let's see what's in there." Iris eagerly shoves the gift towards him, but is still careful to avoid touching his smoking clothing. He takes it, then carries it like it may explode at any moment over to another desk. He sets it down just as carefully, then with a deep breath, begins to strip off the wrapping paper. Underneath is a black cardboard box, and inside of that (once he manages to get through at least three layers of tape) is… a copy of the latest books on several alchemical subjects she knows he enjoys, a good six or so months worth supply of some very valuable herbs, and… 

He quickly rips the cloak away from where it's fucked behind the books and unfurls it, staring at it with a very odd expression. Iris's eyes stay glued to his face, eagerly awaiting his reaction, but… after several minutes pass, a small knot of worry settles into her stomach as he still hasn't moved, even as his clothes burn down to where they're practically just strips covering him. "Um… you alright there, Adontis?" 

"Iris." 

"Yep?" 

"Did you buy this cloak. Because. It. Looks. Like. Dracula's?" 

"Uh-huuuuuuh." She watches as one of his eyes begins to twitch.

"You have ten seconds." 

"To... what?"

"Start running." 

"...Ah." With another round of giggles, she quickly darts off, knowing good and well what kind of cat and mouse game is to come next. 

[despressolattes]

AFTERMATH | CHAPTER TWENTY NINE | LEGACIES

book masterlist » book one masterlist

< previous chapter

—————

"The return of Roman Sienna," Lizzie said, looking at Lilah as she went to see if the other Saltzman twin maybe needed help. "Does that mean you and Rafael are over? Oh wait! I got it, you're just bouncing between the R-named—That is my inside voice, and I am going to shut it up now."

She walked off for a bit after her tangent. Lilah snickered and Lilah was going over the checklist Lizzie was holding. After about three minutes Lizzie grabbed her arm, calling for an emergency girl meeting, and going to Alaric's office.

Penelope, Josie, and Hope met them all there.

"I am withdrawing from Miss Mystic Falls," Lizzie announced dramatically. "Effective immediately."

"I thought you had something important to tell us," the Mikaelson girls said together.

"Cousins, stop speaking like you are twins, even Josie and I don't talk in that much unison," snapped Lizzie.

"Come for the underwhelming announcement, stay for the epic meltdown," Penelope said.

"Okay, wait, why are you quitting?" Josie asked.

"A personal issue with one of the judges. A direct result of that bitch Dana's sabotage," Lizzie replied.

"Lizzie, she's dead!" Hope scolded.

"Still a bitch," mumbled Lilah.

"Correction: that dead bitch Dana's sabotage."

Lilah laughed.

"Iconic," she said, earning a scolding glare from Josie and Hope.

"Costing me the crown from beyond the grave," she said, sitting down in Alaric's chair. "The head judge is her mother. The town pharmacist. There is always next year for me."

Josie nodded.

"But that does not mean that we here at the Salvatore School shouldn't bring home the title and stick it to those townies."

Lilah looked to Josie to see Penelope smiling in the back. Penelope, in all her bitchiness, did always have some soft part of her that tried doing right by Josie, even if she did break her heart.

"So, I have studied all of the stats and advanced metrics, and I have chosen a replacement."

Lilah and Penelope now shared the same smile. She was going to just have to choose Josie to take her place. It was what was right, it was what should happen. The smile on Josie's face showed she thought it would be her, too.

Everyone's facial expressions fell when Lizzie Saltzman said, "Hope Mikaelson."

—

"She's going to regret that," Penelope said out of anger, her and Lilah staying behind as Lizzie went to prep Hope, and Josie excused herself to work on more decorations. "No offense to your cousin, but it's Josie that should be winning this thing!"

"I agree," nodded Lilah. "Lizzie should... honestly, I don't know what Lizzie is doing. Her sister is come first."

"Josie never comes first when it comes to Lizzie. She conforms to the shadow her twin threw her into," scoffed Penelope, sitting down in the chair Josie was sitting in. "I think this may be the most I've spoken to you."

Lilah laughed, nodding some more. "There were a few double dates."

"And you sucking face with Roman while I sucked face with Josie didn't leave much room to talk, Mikaelson. You're not as stuck up as people think you are," she got up with style, making her way to the door.

"Wait! Who thinks I'm stuck up?!" Lilah shouted after her, but she didn't respond in her Penelope manner, knowing just how to make people itch.

—

"You know, I love Roman as much as the next guy, but after learning more about him and everything he did to you, Lilah, to your family, it's hard to understand why you guys are so nice to him," Landon said while he and Hope attempted to practice the dance. "That you guys can act like nothing happened. That she can love him after all of it."

"It's complicated," Hope said. "He spent half of his life desiccated in a cave, which is something Lilah can relate to. All her life, she was always different from everyone. Then there was Stefan Salvatore, and she botched that. Then, there was Roman. And then he was brainwashed by his mother, who was a literal Nazi. But he spent the last two years being someone really good for my cousin."

"Your cousin? Who has a deteriorating mental health? That cousin? And your mother is still dead. How does any of this exonerate him?"

"It doesn't. But it's in the past. Leave it."

The champagne glasses and bottles nearby started rattling as Hope not more riled up.

"I suffered through how much torture because I stole a knife, and Vampire Captain America has a hand in the death of your-"

"Landon," Hope said, backing away from him as Lizzie started to rush over. "Stop."

Lizzie grabbed Hope's shoulder, saying, "Come with me." She stared at Landon and said, "You. Stay here. Do nothing."

Lilah rounded the corner, Landon pausing when he saw her, looking at him with hurt in her eyes.

He sighed, "Lilah, I-"

"Roman's been nothing but nice to you and Rafael since the day you guys got here," she said in a quiet voice.

"I know, I-"

"You don't get to judge him based on what his part in Hayley's death, okay?" she said, sounding more enraged. "Especially not when it was Hope's dad that killed his dad, way before Roman accidentally helped his mother, who also died that day, in the plot to kill Hayley. You weren't there, you don't get to make statements like that. You missed the part where Greta told him that they weren't going to kill Hayley or Hope, just suppress their werewolf gene. Roman was told no one would die."

With that, she stormed away. She passed Rafael on the way, who moved to the side for the angry girl, looking at his foster brother for answers.

"We have reasons not to like Vampire Captain America, right?" Landon asked him.

"Well..." Rafael started, his voice high-pitched. "Not saying I don't like the dude... but I liked him a lot better when he wasn't here."

—

Lilah got to her room to an oh-so familiar sight. Roman was laying on the bed, the bear he gave her in his hands.

"Bear and I say hi," he said, mimicking what she had did the night prior. "Why aren't you at dance practice for Miss Mystic Falls? Didn't you decide you were going to do this, like, forever ago?"

She let out a small relieved laugh, closing the door and walking inside. The nostalgia behind how much this felt like the old days panged her heart.

"My escort left town, and I wasn't even sure he'd be back," she replied, staring at him. He chuckled at the statement.

"Fair."

"Hm," she said contently.

"Got a text for Dr. Saltzman, they think there's a new monster on campus," he said as she sat down on the bed next to him, but not with him. "It can turn people into stone."

"Medusa's here?" laughed Lilah. "Ah-mazing, with the day I am having."

"What happened now?" he asked, sitting up.

She shook her head as a way of saying she didn't want to talk about it, and she got a little closer to him. She brushed his hair out of his eyes, smiling.

"You need a haircut," she stated, and he chuckled.

"I got some work I gotta do, just wanted to see you for a bit. I'm only here for the day," he said, moving to get off the bed.

She felt sad. It was nice, a bit refreshing, having him home. She hadn't realized how much he needed him until he left, and now that he was back, she was starting to feel the same feelings she had when they first met. Back when the world was a little less complicated, back when she was Lilah Desmarais.

—

"So, this has got to be weird for you," Landon said, trailing behind Roman. "Lot of emotions coming up, been a while since you've seen Lilah."

"I thought we were supposed to be looking for the boulder bandit," Roman replied.

"Yeah, about that," Landon called, stopping.

Roman sighed, turning around to look at the boy.

"Are you sure I'm not looking at him?" the phoenix questioned.

Roman scoffed, and to indulge Landon, he said, "Uh, yeah. Yeah, you solved the case, Sherlock." He walked towards Landon as he spoke. "I'm gonna turn the entire school to stone, steal a horse from the stable, and Lilah and I are gonna ride off into the sunset."

Landon shifted his weight between his two legs uncomfortably, knowing how crazy he must sound.

"Stop beating around the bush. Ask me what you really want to know. You and I actually know each other, Landon," Roman said.

When Landon just looked at him with a guilty expression, Roman asked the question himself.

"Do I still have feelings for Lilah?" he asked, and Landon still just merely looked at him. "Yes, of course I do, and I always will, but she and I aren't together right now for a reason, and I have to respect that she has her own things going on. And I don't even get why this is something you care about this much, you're with Hope."

"It's not for me," Landon said.

"Is it for Raf?" Roman asked, a question he was also beating around the bush about, and Landon's silence was a confirmation. He nodded, and turned to leave. "Yeah, I thought so."

—

Lilah, Roman, and Lizzie stood together at the bottom of the stairs as the debutantes were presented by Dana's mom.

Penelope escorted Josie down, and they looked beautiful. Almost happy, until Josie fell, and Penelope's smile faded.

"What're you gonna do when I'm not here to fight for you anymore?" Penelope asked her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Josie asked.

Penelope looked like she'd have had enough. "You want to know? Read the letter."

Penelope glared at Lizzie before leaving.

At the stop of the staircase came Hope, but Landon left her at the top. The dress she was wearing was familiar, but Lilah couldn't pinpoint it. But my God, was her cousin stunning.

"Ba-Roman," Lilah said, grabbing onto him. "I need you to get up there, as unnoticed as you can. I don't see Landon anywhere."

"I got it," Roman said.

"That's my Vampire Captain America," she smiled.

When Roman got to the top, Hope was on the verge of tears mumbling about how she couldn't do the pageant. She was about to run out, too, when Roman grabbed onto her arms.

"Just five more minutes," he said. "Get through this, and it'll all be over."

As the dances started, Lizzie and Roman smiled.

"I should've picked you," Lizzie said to Lilah. "Seeing you two dancing there would've been nice."

"I thought you thought he was evil?" Lilah asked, remembering the times she let her inside voice slip out.

"He did some evil things. He was never evil for you."

"Why didn't you choose me?"

"Because I know the verge of a mental breakdown when I see one. You were at a point worse than Hope, though she seems to be decreasing and fast. I didn't want to stress either of you out and risk a meltdown," she said.

"You doing okay?" Roman asked Hope as they danced.

"Fine," Hope said with gritted teeth. "Let's just get through this like you said."

Josie came inside, Lilah and Lizzie turning their attention to her. Lizzie should've chosen her sister.

"They're about to announce the winners, where have you been?" Lizzie asked her twin, totally unaware of the distraught state her sister was in.

"I was reading the note Penelope gave me. She's leaving the school."

"Oh yeah, I knew that," Lizzie said, sounding happy.

Lilah wanted to pinch her, punch her, something, anything.

"I overheard Dad talking to her parents," Lizzie informed her.

"And you didn't think to tell me?" asked Josie.

"The devil's exorcising herself from our lives. That's good news. Why are you acting all annoyed."

Josie shook her head. "I can't believe this. She's been telling me all along, but I could never heard it. You never consider anybody's feelings but your own."

"Fuck," mumbled Lilah, but she didn't get involved. It wasn't her conversation.

"What? That isn't fair," Lizzie said.

"Isn't it? It's bad enough that you didn't think I'd want to enter, but not a single part of you thought that I could even win."

Their arguing got Hope's attention, and she sent Lilah a look as they both watched the twins.

"Jo, I'm not a mind reader, okay?" Lizzie brushed it off. "If you wanted to win—"

"Of course I wanted to win!" she said. "But the second you dropped out, you gifted your entire plan to Hope."

"Because of science!"

"Lizzie, listen to yourself. Science? What about your sister's feelings?"

"What are they fighting about?" Hope asked Roman, knowing he could use his vampire hearing to find out.

"Who knows? It's always something with those girls."

"I know you can hear them. Tell me."

"Do you know how good it would feel to actually be competing? In Mom's dress?" she asked, looking at Hope. They both looked at her. "Did you even consider how Hope would feel wearing it?"

"She looks fantastic. She should be amazing," Lizzie said.

That was when Lilah put it together. It was Caroline's, the one Klaus gave her. The one Caroline told her about.

"Will she still feel amazing when she learns where it came from?" Josie asked.

"It's silly. Sibling rivalry stuff," Roman told Hope, not wanting to disturb her inner peace more than it already was. "About the dress you're wearing."

"What about it?" Hope asked.

"What do you mean, where it came from?" Lizzie asked. "It was a gift from some guy who used to crush on Mom."

"From Klaus Mikaelson, Lizzie. Hope's dad," Josie said, walking away.

Sadness overtook Lizzies's face when she realized how bad she messed up this time, trying to make everything perfect. Roman looked at Lilah, unsure if he should tell her. A tear fell from Lilah's face, and she wiped it away, nodding for him to tell her.

"Your father gave it to her."

Tears formed in her cousin's eyes, and Lilah could feel her pain from her spot.

"My dad chose this dress?"

Roman nodded, "Apparently."

She started hyperventilating.

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

The winners were about to be announced, so everyone stopped dancing. The minute she separated from Roman, she started to sob softly.

The spotlight hit her, and she was named the winner. Lizzie and Lilah looked up to see things rattling. Hope was having a meltdown. Lizzie ran, engulfing Hope in her arms.

"Congratulations!" she said out loud for everyone else to hear. In her ear, she whispered, "It's okay. Just let it out. The real way. The way you've needed to all along."

The minute Lizzie took over, Roman looked around for Lilah. A tear had escaped her face, and he made his way over to her. He wrapped her in his arms, his arms around her shoulders as he pulled her into his chest. He placed a kiss on her forehead—out of habit—and rubbed her back.

"My Mikaelson girls," he whispered into her hair. "The strongest girls I'll ever meet."

—

In the Mikaelson dormroom, Lizzie helped the girls get un-ready, if that was even a thing. Seeing them getting along was a new sight for Lilah.

"I need to go find Landon," Hope said with a shakey voice.

"Just give him a minute to breathe," Lizzie advised her, taking the dress Hope handed to her so she could put it back into its box. "Boys need some space before they come crawling back."

Hope sat on her bed.

"I thought I could keep it all together, the way Lilah does. I've worked so hard to move on from all the things that have happened to me in my life. But everyone was right," she said, and Lilah looked down.

Keep it all together, the way Lilah does.

Lizzie stopped attending to the dress to sit across from Hope and give her her full attention.

"Everyone's been right. I needed to, like, let it all out. How did you know what to say? How'd you know what to do?"

Lizzie said, "It's just what Josie's done for me a thousand times. She's really mad at me, guys. I don't think I've ever seen her so angry."

Quietly, Hope said, "Landon's pretty mad at me, too."

"Then let's make a deal," Lizzie said. "You help me get Josie back, and I'll help you get Landon."

Lizzie held her pinky finger up for a promise, and Hope accepted it.

CHAPTER THIRTY

[lostengineerfanfiction]

Pumpkin faced

This was based on one of my inktober drawings. Sorry if this got a little confusing, I didn’t really edit this one. @pabstite @foofybunnji @blrwere @pingo1387 @invadeur @axelotled @clcloudsh @chibigikochin @mogadeer @enby-phoenix @marshmallowace, you reblogged the artwork from @blockswingperry. If you don’t want to be @’d again for this kind of thing please tell me

“There has to be at least one person in this town with a phone,” muttered Wirt. He was tired, and he wanted to go home. He walked up to one of the doors and knocked. Nobody answered. He tried the door and found it unlocked. Which wasn’t that weird the more Wirt thought about it? Nothing much to steal from farm folk.

“Hello? Anybody in here? I just need to borrow a pho-” Wirt stopped dead in his tracks. A turkey (dead maybe?) laid across the table and really caught him off guard. “Um, I was just wondering if you had a phone I could borrow?” The turkey raised his head. They looked at each other in silence for a moment before Wirt felt awkward. “I’ll just go,” he said and closed the door. The turkey laid it’s head back down.

Okay, so he wasn’t expecting a turkey citizen. Did all the houses contain turkeys? Surely turkeys had no use for the pumpkin fields that were littered around the town. As he was thinking over the complications of turkeys and pumpkins, he did not notice a rock in the middle of the road. He tripped on his shoelace and smacked his head hard on the rock. And that was how the townsfolk found him. Lying on the ground and his head all bloody.

“Tell Enoch we got another one. He might be ready next month. A little late for the party, but the more the merrier.” A person, all dressed in pumpkins and corn husk, almost like the cornhusk doll Wirt himself made when he was little and living in the country, remarked.

The pumpkin’s companion agreed and went to alert Enoch of their soon to be newest citizen. Wirt was buried in the middle of one of the empty fields. The townsfolk worked quick to cover him with dirt. _______________________________________________________________________

Greg could not find his brother. He had wandered off to go find someone with a phone, but when checking a few houses he gave up. “Hey, Beatrice have you seen my brother?” Greg asked turning to the little bluebird. “Could you send a magic tiger to go find my brother? I haven’t used my wish yet.”

“For the last tim-” Beatrice was about to really scold the kid, but then thought better of it. “Hey, look kid! There’s a bunch of people going into that building! Let’s go check it out!” She sighed in relief when Greg agreed to go.

As they entered the barn the duet noticed a couple of things. One, the people were wearing pumpkins and dried cornhusks. Two, there seemed to be a festival going on. Three, no sign of Wirt. Greg went up to one and started asking questions. And that was how their night went. Stopping to dance or join in the festivities. Eventually, the head of the town realized they had crashed their party and accidentally smashed a few pumpkins.

The punishment for their wrongdoings was to finish shucking corn and cleaning up after the festivities in the barn. They did their work as all the pumpkin wearing citizens marched out to complete whatever last hurrah that would complete the festival.

“What do you think they’re doing out there? Do you think Wirt will hear the pumpkin people and come and find us? Wirt is a very good finder. He found our frog!” Greg rambled as he worked to Beatrice, who wasn’t doing much work at all. (In her defence shucking corn and picking up large objects with her little bird feet is a hard task.)

“I don’t know. Maybe. Your brother couldn’t have possibly wandered far, considering that he knows we’re here. Maybe,” Beatrice paused for a moment thinking of the horrible beast, her curse, and her own numerous siblings, “he’s looking for food? No not food, uh, I think he told me he heard a magic tiger around here.” Greg’s distrust of this answer was clear on his face, but he didn’t press on. _______________________________________________________________________

They stayed in the town, on Beatrice's request, with one of the pumpkin people. The couple they stayed with was Marget and James. They were lovely folk, but their slightly strange behaviour combined with Wirt’s disappearance, they were more than weary. What if...Wirt was still with them? Just not on the plane of the living. This thought borrowed into their heads.

Now that they thought about it, when they first got here didn’t the ground look disturbed? Just large enough a patch that it could possibly hold...a body. They both looked at each other with horror. They made plans to check the dirt out in the middle of the night, so as not to wake what could be pumpkin murders. _______________________________________________________________________

It was dark out. Greg and Beatrice slowly creeped out into the night, heads sharply turning at each sound. They made their way into the empty field, where the dirt laid disturbed, possibly because of the load it may now carry. Greg had grabbed a shovel earlier and now used it to take in shovelfuls of dirt and throwing it to the side. Beatrice kept watch, ready to take Greg and leave this place forever.

After some time, Greg’s shovel hit something. He hurriedly started to dig out the outline of the object. Slowly, the truth was revealed. Wirt’s body laid snuggly in his grave, surprisingly not as decomposed as it should be. His body was mostly whole, besides a huge patch of flesh that was missing from the left half of his face. His skeleton was visible just a few inches from the jaw and surrounded his eye. It almost looked intentional, like an obviously fake Halloween costume with gore, except his skin was a terrible white colour, with his lips tinged with blue.

They screeched, and they could hear the citizens of the town waking up and heading their way, but at the moment they were a bit occupied. Their screech of fear was involuntary and had awoken Wirt. Wirt’s body struggled, not completely dug up. “Wha-, WHAT THE ACTUAL FU-” Wirt’s body was cut off when the head of the town yelled in a bellowing voice, “WHO DISTURBS THE RESTING?” The three scrambled a bit, blurting out unintelligible answers and jumping and avoiding each other when Wirt tried to get out of the hole he was in and Greg and Beatrice dancing around his arms.

“I’ve seen you woken up our newest citizen, that wa-” Enoch was cut off by Greg’s high pitched, “OH GOSH YOU KILLED WIRT!”

“What? Oh, you mean the young lad? He fell and hit his head and died. We were merely doing a kind act when we got there and it was too late. A tad strange you were able to wake him up earlier than the ground would allow. Unless. Hmmm. Perhaps we were a little bit too hasty to let him join us.”

Enoch had bent his streamer-like arms in thought, the villagers muttering that it was strange Wirt was able to move around in his current state, and they didn’t check if he had stopped breathing had they?  

There was a brief moment of silence when, in a tiny voice, Wirt asked, “ ᵂʰᵃᵗ ʰᵃᵖᵖᵉⁿᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ᵐʸ ᶠᵃᶜᵉˀ” He had finally gotten out of the hole, looking a little worse for wear. His clothes were, of course, dirty, and his skin still that awful white and blue. The only difference was his confused expression.

“Er, it appears you were...too early.” Enoch, who usually held such authoritative command in his voice, sounds deeply ashamed. “It’s how things are run here. The dead are brought here to us, we bury them, and the dirt gives them a new life. But since you weren’t entirely dead when you were placed, I’m not exactly sure what you are. Undead perhaps?” _______________________________________________________________________ Wirt, Greg, and Beatrice had a whole lot of questions, but as soon as Enoch said Undead both Greg and Wirt whispered Zombies and promptly forgot their questions.

As they soon found out, Wirt was not unlike a zombie. The soil he was buried in had special properties. It decomposes and in return, a new life as a byproduct occurs. The pumpkins and other crops grown in the soil were special too, as they sustained the now living skeletons with more of the strange energy found in the soil and the evolved plant life.

Since Wirt wasn’t completely dead when he was placed, he died in the soil which screwed up the dirt’s properties. So instead of using his dead flesh as a means to rejuvenate him, it was stuck in a loop trying to eat away at his head wound and repatching it. It also reached into his still-beating heart, effectively chaining his life to the soil. Enoch had a remedy for this. As the trio started back up on their journey home, he gave Wirt (who had already taken up wearing a pumpkin head) a small sack of pumpkin seeds, so he could grow his own.

[homenum-revelio-hq]

Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, V!

You have been accepted for the role of LILY EVANS! We really enjoyed reading your application. We were floored by the sheer beauty at some of the imagery and truly felt something when reading about your Lily. She was unique enough to feel like yours, while also sticking to what we know from canon. We are so excited to have you as part of this roleplay!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: V

AGE: Twenty five

TIMEZONE: GMT+11

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I work full-time but as I’m on the other side of the world this shouldn’t impact you all too much! I’ll be able to meet the activity requirements for the group.

ANYTHING ELSE: Nope!

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Lily Jane Evans

AGE: Twenty one

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cisgender female with she/her pronouns. In terms of sexuality, Lily tends to assume she’s straight. It’s never been something she’s really interrogated, despite how varied her friendship circle can be, although that’s not to say she’s right. Lily prides herself on having insight into every aspect of her life - why not her sexuality? She supposes it’s because since she and James got together, there’s not been much point wondering about anything else. For the most part Lily is straight, but I can see her questioning this a little as the group develops. It would, necessarily, be in counterpoint to her relationship with James, as that’s her frame of reference. But, weirdly, I could see her sharing a kiss with another woman and going, “Oh, that’s nice,” and then never really thinking about it again! So, in short, while Lily’s never actively thought about it, but she’s probably straight.

BLOOD STATUS: Muggleborn

HOUSE ALUMNI: Gryffindor

ANY CHANGES: Nope, everything looks great!

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Lily is, by definition, an optimist. Naturally warm and compassionate, she is a firm believer in treating people with respect and on their own merit. She’s sensitive to the whims of others, and focuses on listening closely when they speak. If there’s anything she knows, it’s that people rarely say what they mean. Too often they hide behind flippant remarks or boisterous behaviour. Or, in the case of Severus, quicksilver smiles and double-meanings. Lily holds each word in the palm of her hand before giving it back, gently, as if it were a robin’s egg. That is not to say Lily is endlessly patient and giving, although for the most part she is. She has a streak of righteousness that is hard to tamp down. It coincides with her ego, which draws breath from the near-constant nice things people have to say about her. Lily is often reassured by the knowledge that she’s likely considered every aspect of a situation more than anyone else, so they really ought to listen to her. When she was younger, this manifested as assertiveness to the point of bossiness, though she’s calmed down a lot in recent years. Lily can still have a tight hold on the reins, but she’s far more likely to hand them over to someone else if she can see they’re capable of doing a better job than her.

Lily doesn’t often lose her temper. She went from pleading with Petunia to trading acerbic remarks with the Marauders, to merely laughing whenever someone tries to insult her. The only way to really get under her skin is to undermine who she is. Lily has a very strong sense of self. She prides herself on being independent, level-headed, and quietly confident and collected in most matters. If she’s close to the end of her tether, logic flies out the window. In lieu of her characteristic diplomacy she’ll trade on emotions, managing to spear the heart of the issue with uncanny accuracy. One harsh side to being insightful is knowing just where to press and for how long. Lily hates that part of her, and dreads confrontation as a result. She would much, much rather keep the peace than let that side see the light of day. Deep down, Lily cares about how she comes across to people and how she’s earned her reputation. To be reckless and throw it all away in the heat of the moment is unnatural to her and quite distasteful.

Lily is remarkably creative. Her mind is ordered, logical, but she has a willfully romantic streak that makes her heart beat fast. Lily cares about the gentle, beautiful things in the world. She takes comfort from small moments: a daisy in a vase, the morning sunlight on warm wood, the smell of chamomile and wool. She often takes the time to center herself and focus on the world around her to act as a reminder. This is what you’re fighting for. This is what matters. For Lily, nothing matters more than personal freedom. To be shackled in any way - emotionally or, as is the threat these days, literally - is beyond words. Lily abhors feeling trapped. That is, perhaps, why she works so hard to make people comfortable with her. She wants them to know that she’ll be there for them, that there is no judgement. She is, in this sense, a good person to come with when you have a problem, as there’s nothing she likes more than trying to fix someone up. It’s a way of giving the illusion of control, even when, sometimes, she feels like she’s in free fall.

As it happens with many people, Lily can come to resent in others what she perceives as simple measures of human decency. For example, she works hard to be understanding and helpful. When others don’t return the favor, she can be wry in return, and will remember it for the future. She holds others to relatively high standards as a result. Lily takes so much time thinking about her own thoughts, actions, and motives, that it’s endlessly frustrating to be around people - like Sirius and, sometimes, James - who just jump in without caring about what comes next. Lily can be as impulsive as anyone else, but if it has the potential to backfire or hurt someone else, she’ll draw the line. In this sense, Lily has a very strong sense of justice. She cares about the dignity of every living thing, and would defend anyone’s rights until her last breath. The only time that wouldn’t be the case is if that person has completely disregarded everyone else in their pursuit. Case in point: Lord Voldemort.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

Cokeworth, a city wedged in between Coventry and beneath Northampton and the poorer for it, because people zipped past on the M45-M1 for one or the other, and otherwise completely overlooked that squat, ugly, brown-bricked place that perched on the River Nene like a river rat. It was an industrial place, straight out of Dickens, with a weary, perfunctory air so practiced by housewives with soap-reddened hands and children who cycled to school and spat in the street. The Evans’ lived in a terraced house of identical terraced houses, with a box of flowers beneath the front room window, and a narrow chimney that smoked, without fail, every day of the year, even in summer. The hallway was carpeted with lurid yellow-green flowers - her mother’s concession to 70s style - and the walls hung heavy with photographs of their childhood. Lily and Petunia squinting in the sun on a Yarmouth beach, them in school uniforms, a portrait of their nan. The living room was small but neat; the kitchen, up the back, equally cramped. The door was often propped open to keep the breeze going through, and it opened onto a small paved yard which was big enough for a few flower pots, a washing line, and the outside loo. Upstairs consisted of a bathroom and two bedrooms.

Lily and Petunia had always shared a room. Even when Lily was at school she’d come home every summer and lay awake in that sweltering bedroom, with posters fading on the walls and the windows thrown open to coax any whisper of cool river air. Petunia’s side of the bedroom was immaculate: a painstaking recreation of any teenage magazine, with a dressing table, a vase of dried flowers, a small bookshelf with Enid Blyton and Paddington Bear serials. Lily’s was more chaotic: trinkets cluttering every available surface, clothes strewn on the floor or the foot of her bed, where a game of solitaire lay abandoned. But in the middle of the room, on a small table beneath the double windows, was a record player. And it was there, on the carpet before it, that she and Petunia was lay for hours, sucking sweets and knocking knees, making their sedate way through the hits recommended by Petunia’s group of school chums, all of them giggling and pink-cheeked and mean and members of various clubs or sports teams. Petunia, needless to say, was not sporty, but she was doggedly loyal, and followed those girls around with a martyred, slightly desperate air, that Lily, even at nine, found repugnant. Of course, she didn’t have much to go on. Severus was deeply unpopular, especially among the boys on their estate. Those boys wheeled around chasing dogs or trying to filch cigarettes from uncles or older brothers, and would sail past Severus as he stalked along, calling him names and jeering.

It was boredom that drew Lily to the river bank. Boredom and irritation. Her parents were well-meaning but ordinary people. Her father worked in a factory, and her mother worked in the employment office. They were frugal, clean, conventional. Lily’s father had neat fair hair and a moustache that bristled when he read the news or smoked his pipe. Their mother was a tall, well turned out woman, who cooked tea quickly and efficiently with her hair in rollers. These days, Lily can see the truth: that they had once been young people with no other option but to get married, and so they decided to make the best of it. But when she was a girl they were too nice, too oppressively stupid and boring, that it was all she could do sometimes to stop herself from screaming. Lily wasn’t necessarily a badly behaved kid. She did her homework in front of the television, laying on her stomach with her legs in the air, glancing between her arithmetic and Granada. She ate her greens and helped her mother with the washing. Early on she felt a restless stir. For a long time she was content to lose herself in books or music or television shows, but then, when she was around ten, the itch grew unbearable. She tried wandering the estate but that became impossible - mainly because of the boys, who whistled whenever she walked past - so she went to the places everyone had forgotten or grew tired about: the backs of shops with weeds springing the concrete, a scrubby park with a broken swing-set, and, eventually, the river.

When she received her Hogwarts letter things changed quite dramatically. Lily had to leave her school, which wasn’t too terrible. What was terrible was the falling out with Petunia, who wouldn’t speak to her until the following Christmas, and that was to ask her whether she’d pass the sugar, thank you. In the years that followed Lily stopped thinking of her childhood home as a trap and more of a warren, which, while feeling like a maze, at least ended somewhere, at some point, and so it was only ever a matter of time before she would have escaped. Likely that would have been through marriage, or getting a job, or attending secretarial school, like Petunia. Like all people who have grown up with little, Lily became fiercely protective over her childhood. The other muggleborns had divisions of their own - divisions based on comparatively newer, but no less insidious ideas around class and place. Lily’s Midlands accent, with the lazy vowels and clipped endings, made some of the toffs wrinkle their nose; and one boy who’d boasted about attending Harrow before “all this”, once called her a yampy (that moment was alleviated by another equally horrid boy making a snide remark about Harrow being the homestead of Eton rejects, which drew fire from Lily for at least five minutes). Strangely, it only bolstered Lily’s sense of sense. Yeah, she was poor. And yes, she was a no-hoper from nowhere. But at least she had some bloody integrity about it. Perhaps that was the most important thing her parents ever taught her: pride. Pride in work, school, family. Above all, to have pride in herself. There was nothing those toffs could say that Lily hadn’t thought about herself a hundred times before, anyway.

OCCUPATION:

Trainee, Committee on Experimental Charms, Ministry for Magic.

When Lily left school, she didn’t have a plan. For the first time it felt like she didn’t need to plan three steps ahead. The whole country was gripped with a kind of fever, a remnant of the early part of the decade, where love was free and happiness was contagious. Since then, of course, a war had broken out, Margaret Thatcher became the PM, and Lily wasn’t a girl anymore. Despite that little voice telling her to buckle down, do something useful, she couldn’t resist life in the city, where the men wore platforms and the women glittered in the night. Where music eclipsed her, and she could disappear down muggle warrens without a care in the world. Eventually, however, her parents had a word. It went along the lines of, “Lily, darling,” and, “Come now, poppet, don’t you want to do something useful? Make something of yourself?” And, naturally, Petunia had a few snide remarks to make, about magic and nonsense and the stuff of fairy tales, and, well… Lily might pride herself on standing firm, but it’s a little different when your family’s staring at you over the mashed potatoes, looking all po-faced and Concerned. So, a little under a year of her graduation, Lily applied for an training program at the Ministry. It’s quite possibly the most middle-class job she could imagine, but it’s surprisingly enjoyable. Lily’s natural gift with charms has served her well. She likes it primarily because charms make people’s lives better. A ditty to keep the tea warm? A waggle of your wand to keep the flowers alive? Lily treasures the small moments in life; from her perspective, there’s not enough beauty in the world - it’s fading fast, faster every day - and if she can do even something small to keep spirits up, she’ll do it.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

Once, when she was much younger, Lily might have found the Order a terrible thing. In a voice that sounded a little like her sister’s, she reasoned that anything that disrupted society was by nature dangerous. When she was twelve years old, things changed abruptly. Her parents had never been particularly well-to-do. They were, in fact, from proud working-class stock, the sort to have fifty cups of builder’s tea a day and talk knowledgeably about roof tiles. When the labor strikes started across the country, the tone of their conversations went from cheery to strained. When her father was laid off after twenty five years at the same job, Lily was filled with indignant rage - a rage that simmered for most of the 70s. She studied other labor movements and found within her a kindred tie to all of the men and women who fought for their rights. That soon expanded into any movement for the gain of freedom: miners, women, the queer liberation movement. Lily shouldered their hopes and took it upon herself to lift alongside them.

It should come as no surprise that when Lily found out about the Order, she agreed with it immediately. That decision was made in the heat of the moment - graduation was looming, the world outside was growing darker, and seemed more and more every day that she and her friends were at the mercy of ancient forces well beyond her understanding. Now that she’s been a member for a few years, her attitude has mellowed, matured. Lily’s flash of righteousness has been tempered by cool logic. For her, it’s a melting point of conflicting interests. What about morality, ethics? If the Order act without guidance, doesn’t that make them as bad as the Death Eaters? Lily has a measured, open mind. Capable of holding many viewpoints at once, she is as considerate with these arguments as she is firmly loyal. Though some of her friends - Sirius, mainly - would consider any dissenting viewpoint to indicate disloyalty, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Lily is aware of how damaging zealotry can be; how puritanical ideologies can crush as well as triumph. She believes in discussing each decision, in weighing options and considering each seriously, on its own merit. When she decided to form the Dissendium Task Force, it was with no small amount of thought.

For her, the Task Force represents something larger. It’s a direct address to every strain of bigotry in their society. When she was a girl on the riverbank, Severus by her side, she thought the Wizarding World to be infinitely tolerant and marvelous, a peaceful and enlightened society. Now that she knows differently, Lily doesn’t necessarily think that idyll is impossible. Difficult, certainly, but not beyond the realm of possibility. With Dissendium, the Order, everything, Lily wants to strike at the heart of the problem, to shed light on the complex and overlapping issues that have led them to this moment, to pull away the curtain and speak with the voice of an outsider. Lily has been called many things. But being a muggleborn and a woman has given her insight beyond what her peers are capable of.

Unexpectedly, Dissendium has given life to a different kind of problem. Lily never intended to be the caretaker of anything, but accidentally creating what more or less could be termed a commune was not on her list of things to do. Her immediate issue revolves around Dissendium’s duty of care. How much can she, Marlene, Remus, and Emma do? How much longer can the McKinnons care for all those they’ve rescued? These issues are pressing to Lily - and she can feel the tide within her start to shift. Sometimes it’s all she thinks about. What to do with everyone, how to care for them, to ensure they stay happy enough to make their lives again once all this is over… It’s so much, even with everyone helping her, and though, logically, Lily knows she should fear what this obsession might do to her, she’s blinkered herself. Dissendium, what it represents, means so much. Can’t people see?

SURVIVAL:

Lily is fortunate to have James. She’s not going to deny it. Of course, she would survive without him. Had things been different and they had resisted that insistent tug between them, Lily would have found a way through. Living in London proper is a fool’s game, these days, what with the Death Eater elite swanning around the magical zones. She might have burrowed into a fringe muggle society in a smaller city or town, maybe even with Marlene - or Remus. Lily’s theorised what it might be like to live with Remus, to make a tidy home together, and it’s a remarkably comforting thought. Life with James is a good deal more different than the life she imagined when she graduated. Their townhouse is… big. James likes to go all modest and bluster things like, “Oh, it’s really not bigger than average, really,” and, “Have you seen Alphard’s place? Merlin knows how Sirius doesn’t get lost every bloody day,” but Lily just gives him a deadpan look and he takes the hint. Truth is, it’s a little too large for her. Lily grew up in a two bedroom terraced house in Cokeworth. The type that, until recently, had an outside loo. Living in a townhouse like James’ is, at times, strange. Lily doesn’t know what to do with all the space. The few things she’s left scattered around always seem slightly out of place: a forgotten scarf, a pile of books with the spines broken, a yellow glass cigarette dish she found at Oxfam. In the flat she lived in before - a cramped loft in Coventry, with old factory windows and worn down floorboards - these trinkets were kitsch, intriguing, unusual magpie symbols of a woman with eclectic, slightly old-fashioned tastes. But in the harsh light of James’ house, they’re ugly. Cheap. Once, in a flash of shame, Lily almost threw them all away. She resisted on the basis that though they were cheap and, yes, ugly, they were hers, her own. They had been gathered from the recesses of muggle shops and given to her by her gran, and she loved every single battered lamp, 50s crockery, and disfigured cat statue she owned. They had been warmed by her hands, carefully arranged on windowsills or bookshelves. In a way she hasn’t managed to yet articulate, her things in James’ space is symbolic. Lily feels out of place. She’s just not sure whether it’s bad enough to do anything about it.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Lily needs people. While she likes a measure of solitude to recharge, she needs to be with people, to share thoughts and dreams, to balance one another, to keep each other company. For her, relationships with other people, and especially the Order, are among her priorities. Lily works hard to keep her relationships with other people. If ever she feels something is amiss, she’ll be the first person to address it head on, arms folded, head cocked. Lily is direct. However, she’s not omnipotent. Lily does, occasionally, favor her vision of people over the reality. She’s not totally blind to people’s faults, but she will, almost unconsciously, reinvent and gently manipulate them into something more desirable. A habit of cockiness, for instance, can be turned into confidence; selfishness for independence. Lily has an unwavering ability to see the good and bright in other people, even when they don’t see it themselves. For this reason she can, sometimes, think that everything is going quite well until it really isn’t. In those moments she’s always taken aback: surprised at her own willful ignorance, her tendency to the beautiful over muddy reality. At the moment her relationships are… well, they’ve been better, but they certainly could be much worse. She’s in a happy medium with almost everyone, and it’s not reached a point of crisis enough for her to intervene.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS:

It goes without saying that I see James and Lily together! Having said that, I am more interested in developing a realistic relationship than simply getting them together for superficial purposes. In fact, I would like to explore the more mundane elements of their relationship against the backdrop of war. I have, personally, recently hit a major milestone in my real life relationship, and it prompted me to think back on what those early days were like. The splendor! The excitement! The anxiety! The hitherto hidden insecurity! While Lily knows herself, it���s something else to know yourself in relation to someone else, especially in a romantic sense. Not only that, but she and James are living together. I’d like to see them come to terms with their relationship while balancing the war and Order commitments. Do we really have to argue about the washing up before an Order meeting, etc. That sort of thing! I’ve read Karli’s application and I completely agree when she talks about the darker or more complicated parts of their relationship. I can absolutely see Lily and James clashing over ideology. And if he’s concerned she’s slipping away… I think there could be some truth to that, but it’s not necessarily because of James. If anything, I think there’s a pressure to drop everything to focus on the war effort, and what we know from canon is that James and Lily defied and rejected that on the basis of their love for each other and, eventually, Harry. In those terms I would like to see how they fare in this new world. I am definitely up for breaking them up and getting them back together, or doing basically anything!

In terms of other ships, I also have a real soft spot for Lily/Remus. I think their mutual respect, compatible personalities, and gentle warmth could blossom into something deeper. I’m not sure how it could - if at all - manifest in this group, but I’d be interested to see how Lily would handle it. I think she is intensely devoted and largely monogamous - she is, after all, a pretty traditionally-raised young woman. But I could see her having a moment of stupid desire and not letting herself overthink for just one moment. Of course, she’d overthink the hell out of later, but until then it’d be wild and exhilarating and frightening and I think she might need that, even if it’s only once.

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

While Lily grew up working class and a woman, she was white and reasonably well-educated. I think, actually, that a defining part of her is the notion of class, especially when she went to Hogwarts. In her world, people like Sirius wouldn’t have crossed her path, except in the form of a character on the television or in a book, or maybe someone she’d pass on the high street (a dash of black silk and tailored trousers; an air of arrogance and ownership). Even, to an extent, James. Aside from their compatible personalities, that’s probably why Lily resonates so much with Remus, and I definitely think Peter, as well. She senses the underdog in people and is drawn to them because of it. Her interest in working class or other labor movements positions her strongly in the context of the Order and especially Dissendium. She is so finely attuned to bigotry, regardless of its shape and creed.

I actually see Lily, especially when she was younger, as being very sharp to people like Sirius and James. She would have clocked them immediately for who they are: rich boys with nothing to lose. I think that helps explain a lot of her early (canon) animosity towards them both; though this would be directed at James, possibly because she was attracted to him. Over time that has mellowed and she’s not at sharp-tongued as she once was, but Lily’s still sensitive to any passing comments that could construed a certain way, and she’d be the first to dryly point out someone’s privilege.

That being said, Lily’s certainly not without fault. That old sense of self-righteousness and martyrdom can creep in whenever she’s not careful, and I think it’s at those moments that she’s the most unbearable, like someone who’s willfully blind to their own issues because it suits their argument. I think just as Lily has a notion about other people that she prefers to uphold, she also views herself in a similarly flattering light, and would prefer to live in that space than be fallible and human. I think, actually, that Lily might sometimes struggle with authenticity. It is possible, after all, to be so giving and genuine that you give the impression of insincerity, and while I don’t see it happening often, I would not be surprised if another character perceived her interest to be slightly self-serving. Lily identifies strongly with her position as an underdog, and I think that comes out in strange ways.

In terms of blood status, it’s self evident that Lily is a target in this game and, of course, in canon. She would not, under any circumstances, take any shite for being muggleborn. Largely, I think she’d prefer to be direct but polite about the whole thing, or to make an off-hand joke to alleviate the situation. But she definitely would not let anyone have a go at her. That’s possibly where she clashes the most with other people. Sometimes when you’re so sensitive to something, you take any opportunity to teach someone the error of their ways. Lily would certainly see herself as an educating figure, someone who by default has the moral high ground. I can see why Sirius, potentially, might find that irritating, or would call her out on it.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

I was drawn to this roleplay largely because it ticked all my boxes. Emphasis on development and writing? Genuine desire to explore characters and throw them into all sorts of nonsense? A solid admin team and interesting writers? I haven’t roleplayed on for a while, so this is a little new to me. That being said, I feel excited and confident to write Lily in the context of this group, so long as you forgive any stupid mistakes I might make!

PLOT DROP IDEAS:

This application is already so long! So I’ll cut it short and say yes, I absolutely have ideas. I’d like particularly to explore Lily and Dissendium further, and I’d like to see questions of ethics arise within the Order. Lily’s at a place to really push everyone to think about their motivations for being in the Order beyond “fighting evil”, and I think that could prove valuable to several characters. Oh! And I would love to think/write more about Lily’s past and where she’s come from. I’ve done a lot of research into the Midlands and the sort of vibe she would be grown up with, and let me say, I have an absolute arsenal of period/region appropriate slang for you all.

ANYTHING ELSE?: I have thrown together some things on a mockblog for Lily, but it’s all over the place/untagged/generally a shambles. I wanted to collate images that reminded me of Lily and Cokeworth and the 70s in general. You can find it here.