#also i know that kabru looks fucked up a bit

[hornyharpy]

gay people ahead

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

[thechekhov]

Dungeon Meshi Quick Reacts: CH38

Rip to these promising mages. I assume they will not survive this massacre.

IS that where her lungs and kidneys are? Because like. She's huge. Her entire body is behind her. Do you really think she'd keep her vital organs in the little human bulb on the front?

I mean, he has a point. What are you going to do? Fight off more hoardes of dragons?

oh noooo, Kabru.... too bad. That's so unfortunate.... anyway.

It's curious that Laios only got knocked away. He was just as likely to have had his head squished like a grape.

Guys, this is absolutely not the time to be concerned for her privacy.

Yes, queen. Free the tiddy. Murder everyone in this dungeon. I support women's rights and women's wrongs.

.......that's. One way to do that. I guess.

.......what's that rock about.

Oh, I see. That's convenient.

This guy dungeons! Maybe he even dragons.

So we got north (tallmen? dwarves?) and then the easterners.... and now the elves of the west?

He's going to give her to the Americans?! ಠ_ಠ

To be fair, at least they HAD a plan. And they executed it. It's more than you did. I don't mean to point fingers but... at least they... ya know... did something.

Kabru's like 'no, no, hang on, I need to hear what batshit fucked up thing this dude is going to say next, this is important'

Laios is so stressed he broke character.

Then again, maybe it's healthy to let them slug it out a bit. Get it out of their system.

It's true. They wore fitbits and everything.

...hey, hold on a second.

Now hold on a minute.

Damn, this is. Kind of even worse because. I guess I could have guessed that Toshi was just pretending to be polite, like you do. Cultural differences.

But the painful thing is, Laios doesn't seem surprised. He just seems resigned. He's been told before that he's difficult to get along with. To the extent that he doesn't even consider Marcille and Chillchuck his friends? Even though they arguably both care about him? But because Toshiro didn't bother to be deadpan about him being a bit odd at times, Laios thought it meant that was fine.

And that kinda hurts. Like damn. Laios just wanted to make a true connection. And I can't really blame Toshiro either, he was just trying to keep the peace but. Damn.

Free her! Let her do her illegal magics! She deserves it! （︶^︶）

Thoughts:

Senshi just being annoyed about that one last harpy looking for scraps.... like "shoo, this ain't the time"

That gnome seems genuinely nice. I'm sorry Falin squished his pet undyne.

Kabru hugging his..... mage? Girlfriend???? Seems very...one sided. Kinda feel bad for her.

Laios and Toshiro still going at it, I see. Get it allout, boys.

Uhhhhhhhhhh ninja girls.

Aww, doggo.

Last question: Where did the cat go?

Senshi: I can fix that.

Are you all worried because he's finally making sense?!?!

Laios and he punched their singular braincells into several new ones, it seems.

F./....Falin... please give the caterpillar some privacy........

My man, maybe lead with that............

I can't believe Marcille was potentially more forward about her feelings.......

"his pupils are dilated" yes, thank you sherlock. You've finally realized what everyone else who meets Laios feels almost immediately. he's a monster freak club card carrying member. Welcome.

p.....pubby......

As long as he was also inside the dungeon with them.... yes.

The issue with Kabru isn't that he isn't trying his best. It's that Laios isn't trying at all.

On a scale of one to Kabru, how badly do you react to being offered a food you don't want to eat?

......oh no. He's so pathetic it's funny. He's growing on me.

Absolute morons, the pair of them. Immovable object meets unstoppable force. The funniest combination ever. Ghost type and normal type pokemon, forever throwing moves at each other that will never hit. Laios thinking he's made a friend. Kabru just barely stopping himself from killing Laios. Best comedy pair. Tom and Jerry in a can.

Anyway. What a great manga.

[holmsister]

I'm on the clock and trying to refrain from killing my coworkers so labru sex time

Kabru is in my head kinda stone-ish? He's very focused on the other person's pleasure and reactions and he doesn't really like being touched a lot of places. Kissing with his eyes open kinda deal. He's good at sex but in a very brainy way. It's a way to play with people for him but he HATES losing control. He has to be on top he has to be in the moment he is very self conscious about any face or sound he makes etc etc. He doesn't always come and thats fine by him.

Meanwhile Laios doesn't really have an established sex MO because he's super inexperienced (prob a virgin tbh) but he is like. UNWAVERINGLY fair. He is also so curious about the bio processes of sex once he relaxes a little bit.

The first time Kabru gives him a bj and then he's like. Alright then goodnight! And Laios is between confused and straight up angry. And kabru tries so very hard to convince him that no its fine it's fine its ok but like. This is not a one night stand sooner or later he WILL have to open up to laios a little bit. He will have to both learn to set specific boundaries with his words and also eventually allow laios to push those boundaries a little bit because intimacy.

The first time laios manages to make him come kabru is like. What the fuck. Why is this the best orgasm I've ever had. I had no idea sex could feel this good. He also shamefully stammered several regrettable things in the heat of the moment but. Well. Its too late to take it back.

Meanwhile laios is unsufferable for like a week he knows better than to boast explicitly but internally whenever his internal monologue turns self-deprecating a loud voice booms "LAIOS TOUDEN. SHUT UP. YOU ARE A STALLION. AN ANIMAL. THE BEST FUCK KABRU HAS EVER HAD" and he's like you know what yes I fucking am and smiles smugly except he's laios so it looks dorky and cute

[ants-n-bees]

Part Two of Holmposting for Episode 17

Today we're gonna focus a bit more on Marillier the Undine! Again, spoilers and violence ahead, with rapidly moving/flashing gifs.

Also, shout out to @/littlelightfish for this post that focused on their relationship:

Man, I really wanna know more about the spirits! The movement of the Undine as it primes itself to attack is really mesmerizing :D

And the way Falin pulls Marillier to her hand is just aaa!

(I didn't add the flash explosion because it might hurt the eyes in gif form)

And then LOOK AT HOLM. HE'S SO SAD D:

I wish they focused on his distraught face in the anime more, to be honest, but the bigger focuse was supposed to be for Kabru stripping his armor.

Here is Holm being in the aftermath, with comparisons to the original!

When the return spell is cast for the parties, Holm would be seen behind Kabru in the manga. In the anime, you only see him as he waits for Mickbell to hurry the fuck up lmao

That concludes part two of holmposting! Sorry for the wait, my cell reception got pissy these last few days.

[lemon-wedges]

Hello!!! I love your art and your style. I'd love to hear your inspirations behind how you draw and, in addition, hear a bit about your painting process (I love the impressionistic look your paintings have)

ahh!!! thank you so much ;u;

Ill tried my best to break down my thought process behind my drawing, so i hope this all makes sense aahaha

undercut cause it came out real long

SO Karl Gnass is an instructor that i took an anatomy class with. and who broke down anatomy in a way that really helped me grasp space. like space a figure occupies. and from that i think my characters feel a bit more...grounded? im not sure what the right word would be but tangible is something people sometimes say about my art.

And i do think when youre able to make a figure look like its really wrapping its hands around something it makes character interactions a lot more intimate.

heres a few under sketches i do when i start a drawing (i am trying REALLY hard not to use my nsfw ones tho those are pretty perfect when it comes to showing u anatomy RIP)

after i got the poses done ill turn down the opacity and rough sketch out details on top of these. and once THATS done i move onto lineart. and the most important aspect of this step is NOT TO TRACE YOUR UNDER DRAWING!!!! thats what sucks the life out of your work!!!!

instead you use your undersketch as a guide. ilI actually redraw the simple anatomy underneath very lightly, erase where they over lap and then add line weight variety + darken up the details.

examples of this are gonna look a little messy but. Left is the original pose i drew out with rough details. right is the drawing i do on top of it. you'll see theyre not one to one and theres some lines i didnt fully erase out when redoing the anatomy. i find my clean up has a lot more energy when i do this.

the thing about my style is that you'll notice i never actually do actual clean smooth lineart. and thats because i HATE DOING THAT SHIT. like i did learn how to do it and consistently forced myself to do it for over a year. and while i do think i learned a lot about line weight and drawing clearer. i realized? its just not for me. I like a textured brush and i like being able to see those small lines i didnt get to fully erase out because i think they look cool lol and thats ok!! do what you want forever man!!! its your art!!!

Also before i move onto painting ill show you this neat little trick. you know those more "loose" drawings of mine that feel more gestural? the begining process is exactly the same. the difference is i use a chunkier pen and try to see how much i can simplify details + just feel out the energy of lines

NOW PAINTING.

man. where to even start.

the thing about painting is that its an entire different set of skills that need to each be honed on their own and will slowly build up together. ill break it down like this.

VALUE, COLOR, and TECHNIQUE

I've said this on another ask before but you'll notice ill do a lot of black and white sketches. and i do that to practice choosing how to group values.

like this example. how light is laios' wolf coat compared to his skin? or kabrus skin color compard to laios coat. when do you want to really push the contrast of light and dark and when do you let values be closer to each other when you DONT want attention

the next step from this is adding a light source.

and when you're working in black and white its a lot easier to pay more attention where you want your light/how its gonna look like hitting youre characters and how far youre gonna push your shadows.

and you know if you get good at this you can play with limited color palletes

this is literally just be picking out blues and hitting the bottom with the gradient tool to light it up

NOW COLOR

is a lot harder and also very subjective. I do a ton of impressionist studies where i just color pick the fuck out of a piece to see what colors masters used + knowing the history of paint and what colors were available during that time period. +knowing what colors = what mood + knowing what colors to use when you want to be more realistic vs when you want to lean into more stylized+ what colors YOU specially incline towards + AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

its a lot and im actually still learning myself

But when i do a painting i collect a LOT of refrences of the kind of mood i want my own painting to feeling like. I've show the first example in another ask before but heres one from my latest labru too

WHen i actually start a painting tho they look like this. The top drawings are just flat colors with a simple outline of where i want the light to be hitting. like in my value studies im just trying to get the idea down, seeing what values need to be darker vs what is lighter. and how the light source covers the character.

figuring this out in the begining makes the rest of the painting so much easier because youve essentially made all the big compostion decisions NOW. from here you can start playing with colors.

my second stage, youll see with drawings at the bottom, is when i start using my texture brush to lay in extra shadows and just play with variety.

and then? i start rendering

that would be TECHNIQUE

And well....thats also something thats gonna be very subjective.

With my own style im not interested in rendering everything to perfection. Im trying to figure out how to texture hair/skin/clothes in ways that make them feel like the materials they are while also showing the energy of my brushstrokes.

I dont zoom in while i paint btw. everything i do is zoomed out so i can see the entire drawing. it helps me not tight up my strokes while also letting me build up all areas of the painting equally. the only time i zoom in is when im lining out the eyes/mouth of a character. and yeah. it drives me insane doing this because ITS SOOOOO Tempting to obsess over paint 1 area forever then zoom out and see that nothing matches lol

The other thing about my style of painting. Is that im not gonna use the exact same formula for every piece. like this isnt cell shading. you can have an idea of how to texture skin/clothes/hair and sometimes it looks great and beautiful in one painting and then it looks like shit in another. ive overhauled a lot of paintings multiple times because what i thought would work doesnt and ive had to force myself to explore and play with my brushstrokes. and you know? i wouldnt have it any other way. it means none of my paintings are gonna look alike! and i think thats pretty cool :D

ill leave you with this in the end. a painting im in the middle of doing and debating to overhaul cause im just not feeling the strokes. who knows what ill look like in the end

anyways i hope this helped a little? even if you look at all this and go. IM NEVER GONNA DRAW LIKE THIS BOZO ahahah

BUT I WISH YOU LUCK ON YOUR OWN ARTS :DDDD

[fallloverfic]

Me: I read/watch Delicious in Dungeon for The Plot The Plot (spoilers for S01E17: Harpy/Chimera; CW blood and injury):

And this episode we have the absolute best problem: THERE'S SO MUCH OF IT alkdjaljda

I always loved this bit in the manga, with Kabru using logic to point out that Toshiro's frustration, while valid from a legal standpoint (and debatably from an ethical one), doesn't make any sense because he'd have done the same thing in Laios' shoes. Kabru defending Laios :3

Kabru being supportive of Laios more T-T The soft looks. Love them so much.

There's just something very compelling about how Toshiro is holding his hips in this shot alkjdlajda

I know Toshiro was miserable during this but they are really cute together T-T Poor Laios wanting to be friends and being very bad at it, which is a total mood.

Kabru protecc :3333 I just love seeing so much of Kabru's strategic mind at work this episode. He's always thinking and planning something and I love it.

This shot was just really fucking good. In the manga, Kabru's slightly cropped out of the panel, but the way Trigger like fully defines his musculature is nice. Poor Falin :( Is okay, she gets her revenge and kills him back roflmao

Blessed Plot TM.

Just Them TM. Themmmm. So good.

Couples counseling goes swimmingly alkdjaldja Also I know that Toshiro is holding Laios' leg so that Laios stops kicking his hip/ass but also that leg grab alkdjaldjalj

MEANWHILE THE BABIESSS. Just love them T-T Kabru just being like -very modest about his own abilities-, learning for future combat situations, and also, "This man is insane and dangerous." aalkdjaldj

I want it noted that this is Kabru looking at Laios, and while obviously the idea is to focus on Laios' obsession with monsters and the danger that poses were he to become lord of the dungeon, I keep think about that slo-mo pan-up shot and how beautifully Laios is posed here. Just Labru thoughts.

So soft for each other, these two. Frustration, aggravation, annoyance, pain, but also envy and softness. Toshiro's little, "That's the part of you that I envy." just kills me. Lots of Toshiro softness this episode. His Japanese VA did an excellent job showing his softness for Falin. Also Laios' constant YOU NEED TO EAT SOMETHING kept getting to me alkdjaldja

THEMMMMMMM They end meeeee T-T "I'm glad we got to chat" just ahhhhhh

I don't think Laios is going to forget you any time soon Kabru aldkjaldjalj Bless the animation of Kabru he is so beautiful and just ahhh

This episode was so fucking good. Looking forward to next week :3

Other delicious Plot:

The Plot in Episode 3

The Plot in Episode 7

The Plot in Episode 9

The Plot in Episode 11

The Plot in Episode 13

The Plot in Episode 14

The Plot in Episode 15

The Plot in Episode 16

The Plot in Episode 17 (you are here)

The Plot in Episode 18

The Plot in Episode 20

The Plot in Episode 21

The Plot in Episode 24

[malaierba]

i just peaked into an alternative TL where Laios was the one that got eaten by the dragon, so Falin & co had to go save him.

The way it played out (and I was thinking about this before falling asleep bcs it came up in a conversation with a RP buddy) Falin wants to go immediately, Marcille and Toshiro can't stop her, ChilChuck tags along, Namari is instructed by Toshiro to go look for his retainers so they catch up to them since he feels like the party is at a disadvantage with only him as a physical fighter.

The funny thing is that the fandom went from a ship war between Farcille and Shulin to a unspoken agreement that those three were in a V poly relationship, since over the course of the story the combined wet paper bag energy of Marcille + Toshiro (plus the face that Toshiro is canonically a bit intimidated by Marcille. Marcille. Marcille) made everyone realise, oh, they're a funny duo, let's put them in situations. Romance is a situation.

And this was the fanon until the party meets Kabru & co, and they rescue Laios, point at which the weird foiling/reflecting/"I respect you and I know you've had good intentions with me but the way you approach me gets on my nerves because it's rude and also I feel responsible for not making up for your carelessness which got you eaten but also if you saw me properly I'd want to befriend you please SEE ME properly so I can befriend you"/"you're the coolest thing since swiss cheese what do you mean we aren't friends already"/"actually I agree with the guy dying to kick some sense into you and also your ass I've been trying to befriend you for so long please look at me properly this is who I am underneath wanting to leverage your strength and also keep an eye on you bcs your fascination with monsters concerns me: a guy who recognises your strengths and your struggles and wants to relate to you as an equal"/"btw isn't it funny how we're so similar in so many ways, intrigued buddy who I've just adopted?" "You're right, interesting, this is the first time I find it so easy to speak to a guy approximately my age" "surrogate mommy issues?" 🤝 "Surrogate mommy issues" happens,

At which point the fandom divided like we were the sea and fucking moses was taking a stroll:

Pathetic failgirls V-shaped poly ship VS. Chaotic yaoi polycule. The shade was insane, "Toshiro's a trans girl and Falin cracked his egg" truthers vs. "He's gay and demi and so repressed he's one 'no, thank you' away from collapsing into himself like black hole"

Don't get distracted. The IMPORTANT THING was that in this dream I kept winning because my blorbo (Toshiro, Falin) is automatically my fandom bicycle so I was thriving. It was a feast and chat I was getting fed.

This revelation looped like 4 times with minimal changes in my mind (that I can remember). It was great. Why am I in this fuckass TL smfhsmfhsmfhsmfhblrblrwrlll

[lokh]

#maybe laios has to have his own awakening <-- I'd be very much interested in hearing what that might look like to you 👀 Shuro pining and stressing over it is the easiest thing to imagine, but I struggle a bit with imagining what Laios' perspective on romance is and his romantic interest in general

OK SO....... realistically i think his view on romance in canon is probably closer to how even though we know his passion is monsters we KNOW he wants to eat monsters So Fucking bad...... his favorite food is still cheesecake. yknow?????? but it's not his Passion.... he mentions having a fiance (somewhat as a point of pride iirc?) but having to break it off when he left his hometown. if he Does experience romantic/sexual attraction then it's kind of secondary to everything else going on with him (see also the succubus thing)... ive always kind of assumed that for him, at the very least before ditching town, that getting married was just a thing you did (were supposed to do) and while he wasn't opposed to it, maybe even interested in it, clearly he doesn't seem to care enough to seek it out afterwards. AS an aroace person i want to believe he's on the aroace spectrum adfvccvvbhb..... aro spec non ace laios is interesting too though.....

BASICALLY it's not a huge concern of his BUT. the question of marriage and succession WILL come up post canon. unfortunately he might not be able to take such a lackadaisical attitude about Who he gets with now that he's such a big deal.... but then again, he's got that rebellious streak and seems pretty good at making situations work in his favor. like who's Really gonna be able to stop him if he decides he wants to marry some guy from the eastern archipelago......

I think he might need an awakening in the sense that taking the view that he's kind of assumed that marriage is just a thing that'll happen to him at some point, he's probably never considered getting with a guy. it's just never crossed his mind. but we know he's open minded and willing to take on-board new ideas...... its less a huge awakening than an Oh! i see i get it moment wjnshdhxbx. actually i can imagine the idea being floated to him and he kinda goes hmmmmmm i don't really get it (for me) but ok i guess. then someone going (perhaps out of pity for an already pining shuro) ok but now imagine you and shuro being that close and him going AH! now I get it.

we know that laios cares deeply about the people close to him but it's hard for us to imagine him romantically and that's probably true for the people around him also tbh. i think no matter how you spin it (that he's aroace but decides to have a relationship anyway, or that he does experience any attraction) that perception will always hold and there might be the concern of does he Really get it though irt a relationship (in this case laishuro). I also think that if he does decide on a relationship with someone he cares about that he WILL care deeply he just might not show it in like. any overtly romantic way...

i will say that part of that perception of him being incapable of romance and sexual attraction, im concerned is because of him also being well. pretty autistic lmao. which is obviously not fair. but romance has never been a huge focal point in dungeon meshi much the same way it isn't really for laios, but it's still there nonetheless....

it's possible also that he has a bigger interest in romance and sex than is apparent but because of how Social it is that he simply won't pursue it. he's aware of his lack of social ability and is pretty insular with his social group (iirc this is kabrus perception of him?) so I dont think it's unreasonable to believe he might have decided it wasn't worth the effort to seek it out. but with someone who's Already a friend and you've already made all the possible social gaffes with and they haven't left despite that..........

[ambrosiagourmet]

Okay, I'm trying to firm up some thoughts about heteronormativity for the world of dunmeshi. We don't see any explicit homophobia (afaik???), and it's a little hard to separate real life heteronormativity from the potential in-universe kind, BUT there are a lot of the markers of gender roles and prejudices that often come with this stuff, and I want to dissect some of them.

DISCLAIMER I am painting with a broad brush here just to summarize what I've observed/what we know. Obviously all these races/cultures are going to have a variety of different subcultures within them and opinions/norms/laws/etc can vary a lot. No group is a monolith etc etc but this is a high level look at stuff.

Also I'd prefer people only reblog this if they are participating in the convo/adding something. This is for my reference and I'd rather it not spread much, at the moment. Thanks for understanding!

So... Laios and Falin had arranged marriages to a girl and boy, respectively, along with there being a slew of other prejudices they grew up around, so that's a glimpse into the tall-men culture in the northern continent.

There are a lot of different cultures in the archipelago but at very least the Nakamoto clan currently works in what looks like a patriarchal structure, though all of Shuro's siblings are male so I guess we don't technically know if women can inherit? Hien kind of assumes that she and Shuro might end up romantically involved in a sort of "well that's how it works" way which is fairly heteronormative so I think its fair to say that on a baseline level that assumption is present there.

Since Otta is judged more for dating short-life races than for dating women, it seems like maybe elven culture is more flexible. HOWEVER they are such a Power Structure TM and the noble houses care so fucking much about lineage and status that I have trouble believing that it's completely free of problems. Probably at least the nobility is expected to fit in heterosexual molds? Idk. They do look more androgenous and overall feminine than the other races, so that could also contribute to more fluidity. Of note here also is that in addition to a canon lesbian in Otta, Lycion also is Extremely Transgender. Though also of note: these people are the criminals in the group. So.

I don't know that there's as much info to work off of for the gnomes, dwarves, and half-foot cultures.

Dwarves have very strong family ties, which COULD lean towards heteronormativity but doesn't necessarily have to. Some dwarven women in dwarven cultures let their facial hair grow out - it's not necessarily super common, but it's much more likely to happen there than in a place like the Island. I lean towards thinking that they are more flexible, and maybe it varies from family to family how much there is an expectation of heterosexuality. Like the elves, they are more androgynous than most of the other races, AND one of our other major mostly canon queer characters (beloved bi Namari) is dwarven.

No idea about gnomes. The most prominent gnomes we see are the married Flokes and Holm. Holm's sister seems to have a bit of a thing for Kabru, so that's a couple of points towards Heterosexual Gnomes, but hardly anything definitive. They also live alongside dwarves so I imagine that if the dwarves are flexible they probably aren't significantly more strict about stuff. Also!! Kiki is the last of what I'd label the Mostly Canon queer characters, and she and Kaka were raised by gnomes! So that does seem to fit the "more overtly queer characters have ties to less heteronormative seeming cultures".

Again, no real idea about half-foot stuff. Chilchuck got married young and was a teen dad. Two of his kids seem very Interested In Men, the third gives big lesbian vibes. All of these things seem like they could be as much just orientation as anything socially enforced. I do think it's notable though that, while Flertem and Puckpatti are explicitly and loudly Into Men, Meijack is just quiet and gives off Vibes.

Ummmm yeah orcs (at least the ones we see) also have hierarchies based around polygyny so that's them.

YEAH that's most of what I can pull together currently? I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on interpreting all this, and if there are any lore details I missed!

Generally speaking I'm inclined to believe that heteronormativity exists as a baseline undercurrent in a lot of regions and cultures, and is more enforced in places that are either A) dominated by hierarchies (eg elven noble families) or B) insular and xenophobic in a variety of ways (eg Laios and Falin's hometown).

[beautifulphilosopherbird]

Dungeon Meshi chapter 19, or Priorities!!! (vs episode 9)

chuckchuck just says "footsteps" in the anime, but the fact he can tell how many people and that they're armed is really fucking cool. don't mind me, just hyping up this middle aged grump

this is in the anime but I didn't notice it - Mrs Tansu is wearing a necklace made out of tiny skulls. I want to know what creature those skulls belong to 👀

this is in the anime but the subs say "even that corpse" as in singular which is not true. now I know this refers to Kabru & co who they revived before this point

this bit isn't in the anime, they just cut to them in the tower. I also appreciate the little drawing of the area, it looks so cool. I'm guessing Mrs Tansu can also do healing/resurrection magic so that's why she's staying behind

she really does, the poor thing :(

why? what's this particular prejudice based on? (this is in the anime but again, didn't think to ask before)

this just in: Senshi's helmet is damp

also no helmet Senshi is ajfahiofhaiohfiaof

i stan this man's sense of priorities so hard

in the anime he only reaches for the book to identify it after Senshi shows them tentacles banana he's stuck holding but I like this much better, it's not "efficient" (bc he'll reach for the book later on anyway so might as well save the frames) but it's important to his character

the focus in this scene was on Marcille, gathering herself up to thank Namari but I feel like the bit where Laios realises he could have gotten an arrow to the head is too funny to leave out (then again my priorities are more akin to Laios'...)

[staenless]

Its really fun scrolling through the dunmeshi tag and seeing how many people had trouble telling characters genders. I didn't pay much attention to it at the time but I genuinely couldn't guess the gender of a handful of characters.

I read the manga pretty quickly in a fit of excitement when it was finished so I didn't play close attention to every conversation and things like pronouns of side characters which wasn't important to the main story just didn't even register.

A lot of people say they thought kabru was a butch woman and while I never experienced this Mickbell??? No fucking idea. No idea. Girl? Guy? Fuck if I know. I just looked it up on the wiki and Mickbell is a guy. Huh.

Also the elves. I have a lot of trouble with telling the elves genders just off the characters. They're intentionally androgynous which I think is a really cool way to do a fantasy race that is always super attractive. Like yeah these super sexy people kinda blur their genders around a bit. If you think their hot your gay lol. The most important elves are pretty easy to guess, Marcille and Mithrun, also Pattadol and Cithis are easy to guess their gender. Lycion on the technicality that he's topless but if it wasn't for that I'd be stumped. Otta? Fleki? Flamela? Even Thistle would trip me up sometimes, if he wasn't spoken about SO MUCH I'd genuinely not know.

Idk with my adhd sometimes when I read my eyes just pick up random words and Frankenstein the sentences together, which sometimes means pronouns are lost. Dungeon Meshi has extremely strong character design, and to see that used to create intentionally androgynous characters is so cool and fun. I wanna see more androgynous characters :)

[britcision]

So this has been percolating and I have gotta agree with OP, this is a pretty classic show don’t tell; in the manga, we get this example of Kabru sanitising his story for the audience

The version he tells the elves is very different (and in the official translation HO BOY does he use “you” a lot to tie them in and make it personal on every level possible it’s inspiring)

And we see him chopping and screwing Mithrun’s story to a more manageable size as he does it, including his reasoning

It’s explicitly laid out here in the Adventurer’s Bible to show that yeah, they did have the conversation about what Kabru was doing, and Kabru teaching Mithrun that he is allowed to keep things private even if he doesn’t care (because your personal secrets can have value)

We’re being shown Kabru’s skills on three different levels, because it’d be easy for people to miss if it just came up once. But he’s a consistent character, and it matters that he’s good at this, and Ryoko Kui used it to full effect and I am obsessed

Also though…

Kabru’s definitely being considerate doing this; he’s encouraging Mithrun to accept some privacy, telling him he’s allowed to only give the short version without personal details (and the way Mithrun’s holding it close and safe at the end holy shit)

And the reason Kabru does this is for self protection

People can hurt you if they know personal things about you… if you care

People will judge you if they know personal things about you, like that you looked down on everyone all the time… which only matters if you care what they think

(Milsiril decided she liked him better after so Mithrun’s mileage has varied but still)

It would be good for Mithrun to decide what bits he shares and what might be worth hiding, and yeah, part of valuing himself will be valuing secrets

But it’s so completely and obviously illustrating the major difference between them too:

Kabru is constantly considering what other people think of him and calculating and making himself appear favourable

Mithrun has heard of these things called fucks that you might give but he teleported them away and isn’t sure where, and is physically incapable of caring any less about what people think of him

Kabru spends the story stressed, miserable, and having breakdowns

Mithrun spends the story physically working himself to exhaustion with all the enthusiasm or emotional turmoil one might apply to perhaps painting a fence, until it’s murder time and then he promptly loses his shit 100%, and goes right back to “well that just happened”

Mithrun’s mental health is negligible at best but frankly he’s blowing Kabru out of the water in handling stress and managing expectations

It’s not healthy to try and micromanage peoples’ perceptions to the extent that Kabru does

Hence Kabru’s regular internal meltdowns

He’s incredibly good at it, but he really needs to learn to stop focusing so much on manipulating his perfect outcomes, and just deal honestly with people instead of folding himself to whatever he thinks they want

Just. Y’know. Stop giving so many fucks

He’s got as much to learn from Mithrun as Mithrun has to learn from him

I think this little speech to Toshiro and Namari represents Kabru's backstory that has been "formed [...] into a nice little shape", like he advises Mithrun. This is a story crystallised to avoid revealing personal details and to properly convey his sincere motives and the dangers of dungeons in an easy-to-understand way.

And good for him! I just like seeing example of Kabru's powerful social skills in action. It's neat that we really see it in even the little things. Kui's really aware of how communication works, on, like, a nuts-and-bolts level, and that comes through in how we aren't just told that characters are socially adept or socially awkward. We see examples of Laois rubbing people the wrong way that don't just amount to "infodump about monsters" and we see Kabru be socially deft in ways that aren't just "compliment people" or "lie".

[kustas]

if you're still taking these, for the character bingo: what about kabru or laios or marcille? whomever you feel you wanna talk about a bit :]

i actually have more than average to say about these characters so im gonna go from most to least wordy opinions. As a preface: DunMeshi writes characters so well there are no characters I can truly say I dislike, or that aren't that deep, some of these Takes will be more around fandom interpretation. The "why do they look like that" "why are they here at all" are impossible to tick given how every character is justified canonically down to their looks!

Marcille

Easily the one I like the least of the main cast. She reminds me of the girls who'd bully me as a child, thus the "afraid" pick. While I understand her deal/role I personally like neither her character design nor her personality.

Laius

Hilarious character I unfortunately relate to a whole lot as a person. He's fun to laugh at but his writing never feels mean! Excellent subversion of the white boy knight guy fantasy trope by making him fucking nuts. He makes me laugh always but his writing can tug at the heartstrings when needed. Very endearing Guy. You know he'd do numbers on this website. I can't wait for what situations he gets thrown into next because he's so weird you know it'll be good. He gets the wasted potential ticked only because his potential is endless

Kabru (bingo!)

Kabru is my favorite character of the series and I loathe how fandom treats him. Despite being a funny, charming character with clear cut motivations and a full backstory people seemingly only care about him as part of shipping, which I already dislike as A Thing in the first place but here the bachelors are "guy he canonically hates who casually accidentally brings up deeply traumatic topics to the point where he fantasizes about stabbing him" and "dude thrice his age who not only couldn't give less of a fuck about him but is also racist". Hell yeah (with killing intent)

As a character I like him for the same reasons I like Laios which is being a freak and making me laugh, but where Laios doesn't, Kabru hits a sweet trope spot I enjoy of "extremely intelligent manipulator with good morals ready to do anything to get to his goals". Just like Laios he's perfect for being put into Situations. Also this is my biais but had he been a real guy...I would consider him quite handsome! I don't like that he has blue eyes but there's lore to justify it and the comic that presents that lore gave us this pannel so I cannot be mad about it

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 11: “I Can Either Have Fun and Lose or be boring and lose” - MJ

guess i got stoned

I know I haven't made a confessional is what's probably around two weeks, but there are some things you just don't want to remember and shouldn't bother saying in this heat of the moment so from tomorrow on, we're starting fresh. Or as fresh as you can be when you're 10 feet into a giant hole you dug yourself. 

Dang – my first vote against in the entire game so far, and it was more of the "You rock but I have to vote SOMEONE" variety. Seems like I always get those. Or the avalanche of blindside votes. Not much in between.

Anyway, despite being generally pretty messy as far as tribal councils go, both of mine went as planned/expected. I'd have really liked to save Matt if I could, but MJ was being overbearingly pushy on saving Jake and nobody seemed intent on upsetting the apple cart. Not much you can do when nobody else will follow. Wes and I were pretty much on an island and, with tribe sizes still being this big, it didn't make sense to fracture the tribe. Not when there are still reasonable targets before myself.

Caspian, though, came as a surprise. Wow. Owen was saved from being double-clocked and Logan (!!!) lost a life. Unexpected as hell. But they don't seem too torn up about it, which is excellent. Doubly so because it's the music video challenge.

So why am I in a good spot on this one? Well, for one, I'm pretty good at editing video. For two, I've got Jack/Steffen on Andaman and Logan/Jake/Ruthie on Kabru who can devote all their energy to the one tribe. I can imagine having too many people spread too thin could be an issue, so I'm glad we have a good balance.

Now, why am I in a bad spot? I worry I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I'm responsible for editing two videos and filming myself lip-syncing to them, too. That could be an issue. I really can't procrastinate on it. I'm at work til 4, so I'm spending my day with Victorious (our shape-inspired tune) and The Galaxy is Ours (space, whaddup!) on loop. Hopefully I'll know the lyrics by tonight. And in the meantime I've also started gathering some stock video footage that I think could look badass in the right circumstances.

On the Kabru side, Logan (all-star that they are) has already sent their video my way, and it's absolutely awesome. After the HvV2 video, I'm totally not surprised. They go all out on these comps, and there are probably a very usable 2:15 out of the 3:00 video. If everyone on both my tribes approaches the video with this kind of enthusiasm and commitment, I have a hard time seeing either one lose.

Nobody has yet sent in on Andaman, but it's still super early. Lydia and Jack both sent pictures of their makeup last night (Jack in Skype, Lydia via Snapchat) and they both also knocked it out of the park. Steffen said he'd get on it after class, and I suspect Kait will follow suit. But I know she's also filming two videos so I don't want her getting overwhelmed, either.

As far as my videos, I've got a fairly basic idea for the space video. I might even be able to do a Bowie homage with a red lightning bolt on my face while air-playing my guitar?? Idea just came to me, but it could work. I'd need to do that video after my Kabru video though, otherwise the makeup might leave a mark that I can't immediately get off. I also had an idea involving a lightbulb, but I'll keep that one under wraps for now. Much more fun to see the end result.

As far as the Victorious vid goes... gosh, I really don't know. High energy, high impact, lots of aggression is the guidelines we set for ourselves. I've got some workout gear in the basement – maybe a high-intensity type workout vid? Getting in shape fits the theme too, right? Just spitballing at this point. I won't even be able to put much work in until after work, so I'll be caught up in my head in the meantime.

But.... AAAAGH, I love these comps. Forcing the creative side out usually ends pretty well, especially when others are around to do some of the heavy lifting. Steffen was great in offering ideas last night for the music video. We didn't end up using them because they just didn't fit QUITE right... but it's not an easy thing to be willing to throw out ideas like he did. He's down on himself for not being able to contribute much, but from my perspective he was the only one trying to provide concrete ideas. That gets him some brownie points in my eyes. Four brownie points, to be exact. Four for you, Steffen Coco. You go, Steffen Coco.

Okay, I'm brain-spewing all over the confessional page again. I'mma wrap this up. But I'm ridiculously excited to see what we can come up with here.

Phew. Everyone has been killing it today. Since the last confessional, we got stuff from Kait, Lydia and Jack on the Andaman side, with myself and Steffen still to go. On the Kabru side... less content. But Logan's still a star, and they sent me the intro that's going to kick so much ass paired with the video.

I'm in the hero or goat position right now on both tribes, I think. Andaman has been absolutely crushing it. The only way I see us losing is if I don't pull through on this video. And to do that, we still need a few shots that I'm planning on doing. But I've already gone through the content I've got and made notes on where the best segments are. Should speed my job up tonight a little bit.

As for NuNuKabru (which, it just occurred to me, has the same syllables and cadence as goo goo g'joob) I'm not exceptionally worried. It would be nice to have video from others, but I think Logan and myself alone could make a great video if we have to. Everything else is just a bonus. And fortunately, I know Ruthie's planning on sending something. Pretty sure Jakey is, too. The more, the merrier, and the better content we'll have to make a video we can be proud of.

The music video is horrible and I will never forgive myself if we lose this challenge. THIS IS MY CHALLENGE I HATE IT. Thank god I took over the album creation because my tribe would have been toast.

ummmmm so MJ and Logan went to rocks for me which I'm really grateful for. I know Ryan and Ari and Jenna all really love them and say they're an ANGEL CHILD and I was always like "ya logan is rlly nice" but now like NOW. NOW. NOW THAT LOGAN AND I HAVE TALKED MORE AND LIKE..... THEY DID THAT FOR ME JUST. WOW. I love them so much and I understand why they are so well-liked, because they really did do that selflessly for me and I dfskajhksdj oh wow. MJ idk about. Apparently he had to "flip a coin" in order to decide. And like... He went and told Kait that Jenn had told me that Kait wanted me out, but Jenn thought that I had told Kait and was like "I'm sorry but I can't switch my vote, I don't know what you told Kait but I'm done" or something along those lines and I.... whew. So MJ like.... I don't get it. He could've flipped on me, in which case yeah.... I would've revealed everything he had told me. I have it all written down, and if he crosses me somehow, then without a doubt I'm blowing up the things he said. 

At this point, I need to give up any inkling of confidence or control I might have had some point earlier in this game (which honestly was never that much). Now, it's all about survival. I am literally hanging on like.... by my teeth or whatever the phrase is. I'm terrified. If we lose this immunity (which by the way fuck all of you for making us do this when I had strep and also when I'm on a tribe that needs to win and is dysfunctional af), then I could very well be screwed because Logan drew the rock and Steven, Jenn, and Jimmy all just voted on the same side...twice.

I've been working on building a relationship with Steven. I do genuinely like talking with him, and if anyone is gonna maybe flip to help me, it COULD be him... Especially if Steffen talks to him about the whole Kait/Jenn/Jimmy thing. But idk

MY LAST CONFESSIONAL SUBMITTED WIHTOUT ME BEING DONE SORRY

anyways... STeven. Idk why he'd go against people who just went to rocks for him. And then... Maybe I could try to turn the three of them AGAINST MJ, but I seriously doubt it. And if MJ is INTENDING to stay loyal to me, then I could end up burning the one connection I have.

And theeeen there's Jenn. Idk if there was ever any hope of her switching her vote last time. Maybe she never planned on it. But we talked for nearly an hour before she thought I told Kait something.

I waited a couple of days before talking to her again, and I just kind of told her that I didn't want to ruin anything personal between her and Kait or her and I. I still like both Kait and Jenn as people, and I don't want there to be any hard feelings about anything that happens in the game. That has always been my philosophy. I'm a little bit hurt that Kait completely lied to me for honestly no reason... She didn't HAVE to come to me and say she was "so upset" like.... If she wanted me to be dead meat, and I'm already not on a tribe with her, and she ISN'T talking to me now, why did she have to be fake in the first place? Idk. I guess I'll find out after the season ends. I won't hold a grudge over it though, I'm sure she thought she had to or something. oh well :~) All it did was take the very little trust I had left in her after the not voting Jimmy and not submitting her immunity thing and...completely destroy it!!! Whew. Like I am justified now in any action I can possibly make against her (not like that time will ever come).

I don't know if I could reach out to Jenn if we end up going to tribal. Regardless, I may have options. Very few options, but options nonetheless.

I mentioned in a prior confessional that I wanted to see the Malaysia trio CHOKE kfdshfdj in the game, and yeah... That's still true. I don't want any of them to make it far at this point (if they do, good on them). But I want to make myself very clear in saying that that is on a game level only. Personally, I enjoy all three of them, and I think they're great people, and I don't wish them any harm. But they've all wronged me in this game way more than I've wronged them. If I can get one of them to trust me again, that could be ideal (like Jenn...) but unfortunately, it seems hella impossible.

Please let us somehow, by some miracle, win immunity. I will praise the all star gods that be if I can just get SOME SORT of break here. I NEED it.

im getting a really awkward vibe from people on kabru.

at least im safe on andaman i guess, but im so paranoid that even pat bit my head off so! who knows i might be going but i just gotta hope.

im willing to flip the game, if other people are.

i cant believe challenge results ruined my entire day. time to die.

Steven said he'd talk to me tomorrow which is good. The problem is like... MJ has hardly talked to me since the vote tied initially. I don't get it. He went to rocks for me and like legitimately risked his alliance with Kait and Jenn in order to protect me and....idk. He HAS been going back to school though, so I don't blame him and idk. He's probably as tired of this as we ALL ARE.

If MJ sticks with me and I can somehow flip Steven, that'll be good.

Otherwise... I go to Jenn. And try my damnedest. 

jessy, i said id work with jake. lets see if this works.

if me, ruthie, and mj vote together we can take control of this tribe? but idk about mj. mj's insane and is playing a gr8 game everyone loves him. but. lets hope he tries to mix SOMETHING up.

Well, one out of two ain't bad. 

I feel pretty bad about the terrible video quality on the Kabru video. With more time, I could have salvaged it. But we were pressed right up against the time limit. I got the video in with one minute to spare. Remind me never to sign up to edit two videos again.

I'm glad we killed on Andaman, though. Everyone kicked ass (except Carson, who did nothing because it "wasn't a good time for him." Sorry, dude, but we're all busy.) I feel like Andaman would've been an easy vote for that reason, but I'm glad we didn't need to go there. I'm especially impressed with Jack for the booklet and the trading cards. He went to infinity and beyond. (See what I did there?!) But everyone who participated really carried their weight, and that was a hard-earned win.

On Kabru, I take a lot of responsibility for the way that went. My video was not the best quality, and it was hard to edit a cohesive video with such mediocre content from myself. Ruthie had some usable clips that improved the video, and Logan, as mentioned in my previous confessionals, thoroughly killed it. IMO, they carried a lot of that video.

Where we lost the points was adherence to the theme, which... ehh. I thought we did a good job of outside the box thinking, but I guess the judges disagreed. C'est la vie. (Oh, and @Jenn Tramkellan @Justin, YOU try memorizing lyrics to two completely new songs in less than a day!!!)

Anyway, I think Jenn's comments about this tribe being full of clowns isn't entirely wrong. It would've been so much better to have more people contributing to the video. Out of seven people, we had three contribute to arguably the most visible part. Credit to MJ and Wes, the cover art was beautiful and the execution was fantastic. But some more support from a video perspective would've been appreciated. I was expecting more footage than we got, and had to use a lot of stock footage as a result. Had I known what we were getting, I might've tried to incorporate more.

Anyway, no sense looking in the past. This tribal is looking more or less straightforward. I think most of us are on board with taking out someone who didn't contribute on this challenge. MJ might object on this tribe, given his links to Carson and Jake, but I'm not playing MJ's game. I'm playing my own.

He's probably going to target Ruthie, but I'm not writing her name down this round. For one, she's taken enough hits recently, and two, she was a key contributor to the video. 

With a merge incoming, the thought of taking out a competitor is crossing my mind. I haven't made it a secret that I want Jake out, and this round is no different... but a part of me would feel bad taking him out now, given his circumstances. I hope his friend gets better. 

It sounds like Carson might have stuff going on in his life, too? But literally the only thing he said was "I'm so sorry for not helping that much but this is just not a challenge good for me at this time". And... it wasn't exactly a great time for me to put in five straight hours of recording and editing, either. But that's the name of the game, right? 

Anyway, I'm going to push Jake a little bit if the opportunity arises, but I already get the sense that Carson's name will get a lot more traction. And this is prime 'anybody-but-me' territory, especially with a presumed merge looming.

Anyway, this game has gotten past the super stressful portion. I'm doing better than I expected already. Since this round started, I've just been having a ball. This is the most fun I've had in a game since early October when I was still delusionally happy in Crusade.

Yikes I gave up on these. Literally had heart palpitations over the revote and all that jazz and luckily the rock draw worked in my favour but honestly now I'm starting to develop some personal dilemmas. Owen has been talking to me a lot more now and I know it's because we're both on deaths door waiting for someone to take our last lives. Kinda puts me in a predicament though if I were to work with him. I feel I may have revealed too much so he may #expose me but meh tbh LOL. He has good motives tbh. He brought up about us outsiders trying to band together if we can all survive....which all tea all shade I really want to do, especially with my tea time queens Ruthie & Steffen if they make it. I'm not sure what tribe Ruthie is even on though so if they were to boot her and I made a move I'd be down one. However Lydia has told me she feels kinda lost in her group, obviously. Only thing is every time she talks to me she disappears after 2 messages like hun. I need a convo not a passing hi. Anyways I know she likes Owen cuz of things and I know we have our past experience together, both good and bad but we could work something. I just feel with every group I go to I'd be thrust to the bottom. I think the Malaysia 3 want me as a number should a splinter in the two lifer group happen, which it will have to eventually. I just don't know what to do. It would really hurt my personal character to boot Jenn or Jimmy. I would vote MJ, if Owen would to survive. However that means flipping the Malaysia pair which may not happen because they probably don't want so many people left with 1 life b/c of them. I need to be careful not to put my eggs in too many baskets because knowing my luck a fucking elephant would stop over all of them. 

mmmmmmmmmmmm im trying to be quiet this round idk. just hoping for the best for tribal tonight. not much has really been happening on my end bc ive been busy, but yesterday i mostly just tried to do some light damage control w the malaysia ppl.

im the only person going to both tribals this round which makes me v nervous. jake is getting targeted on our tribe and the only way i can save him is if he, ruthie, carson, and i all vote for logan (blindside). which would suck bc i like logan a lot.

the issue w that is that im gonna be alienating pat and wes and theyre really gonna feel like they cant trust me after that if that's what i decide to do. the only like, thing that like...idk. im just thinking like, its still early in the game (f15!), are they really gonna hold a grudge against me for the rest of the game, especially with a merge literally right around the corner? but ugh. its just v messy. i hate being the middle man and having to make decisions like this. i feel like ppl (pat and wes) will be intimidated by me if i go thru with this logan thing. it just really sucks. idk. voting out logan would make kait suspicious of me too its just all a big mess.

i really dont want jake to leave tonight because i think that would be really boring and tbh i dont think he deserves to go pre merge? like he already lost his closest all early in the game like... that sucks. nobody gave him a chance to play and he was just constantly given a bad hand. obvs him blowing up when he got voted out of A didnt help v much but like........ whatever. jake staying in is good for my game. its better for my game than for anyone else's. this is gonna seem v selfish of me but ive played selflessly in all of my other seasons, helping GROUPS of people as well as helping myself, and that's only gotten me the win ONCE. so clearly i need to play it differently here. i should benefit myself more than others.

additionally like.....its already v unlikely ppl will let me get to the end so i might as well try to make this season interesting and keep ppl on their toes so they play harder. i can either have fun and lose or be boring and lose, so obvs im gonna take the fun route at this point.

i need to talk to carson to get him on board with this and hope for the best. jake leaving would be a p bad hit to my game anyways.

I can't wait to be idoled out tonight. Please god, Ryan, Jules, Ari and Jessica make the merge be after this tribal council. I can deal with the disadvantage myself but I'm sick of these tribes. 

AHHHH

stuff is actually happening in this game

im willing to make a move with jake because i feel like im on the bottom and i owe jessy and jake.

however, while jake and co are not certain about if not mj will flip, i think ruthie might flip because shes pretty much saying that she'll flip on jake.

while others might not see ruthie as a threat, like i havent, i definitely see her as one now.

BUT, if we can pull thsi flip off with me mj jake and ruthie, and get out logan, thatll be PERFECT, because something will actually happen in this game. im nto too worried about repercussions because... fuck that. im playing for fun

soooooo I've made a lot of progress with Steven today. He said nobody had really talked to him yet fsdkjdfshj so it's a good thing I did. Last round, Jenn so kindly emphasized to me the fact that she's worried that I'm going to form some sort of super counter-alliance with Steffen, Ruthie, Jake, Lydia, myself, and Steven and some others... Which was not true before. But now? Thanks for the idea, Jenn!!! hehehehehe :~)

I went to Steven and said basically like... There's a big group of people running things, look at who has two lives and at who has one and it's pretty clear. And I appealed to the part of him that has been just trying to survive these last few votes and told him if we joined forces with people like Steffen and Ruthie (who I knew he likes) then we had a chance to be making a change and making moves instead of being used!!!! And he said he agreed :~) He said he was morally concerned bc Jenn and Jimmy went to rocks for him but... I dont' think he'd have any reason to lie to me. And we talked for a loooooong time about all the group dynamics and how something needs to be done. I genuinely like the guy and I think he feels the same about me and if he isn't lying to me then damn I have a CHANCE in this game again.

I told MJ to go and talk to Steven and Steven was gonna talk to MJ and... If they can just decide on a damn name then whew. whew. whew. whew. whew. Pleaseeeeee Lady Gaga and other goddesses above let me have this one more chance. I need to make it a little further. 

I've always talked about how I have a lot to prove and I CANNOT fathom coming in a place that is DOUBLE DIGITS again after FUCKING OLYMPICS. I'm DONE with that! Awful horrible scary time. I need to make the merge at least or jury or something, hot DAMN

I might not be dead yet

coup ko͞o/ noun 1.a sudden, violent, and illegal seizure of power from a government.

Get ready, bitches. A coup is coming.

#SURVIVORNOTFRIENDVIVOR lets get this hashtag trending!  A possible alliance with MJ, Carson and Jakey?  SIGN ME THE FUCK UP!  It sucks because I love Logan and Pat (Wes I could care less about tbh because I feel that he hates me :/)  I'm just ready for big moves and for the game to really start. I have no idea of what we're doing but I'm so ready for this, bring on the fireworks <3

ok but also i'm probably screwed anyways rip

im nervous now bc even if ONE thing goes wrong, this plan is ruined.

if even ONE person rats, this might blow up in my face.

guess thats the problem with big moves, huh? 

we'll see what happens i guess

oh wow im a flop with confessionals huh... anyway just when u think im down and out i keep on kicking! I will not DIE in this game, @jenn remember sarawak?? u should know by now never to count me out!! mj and carson and voting with ruthie and i to blindside.... basically everyone in the game LJFLJKFKLJ. IM LITERALLY SHOOOOOK THAT I GOT CARSON TO DO THIS LIKE I DIDNT THINK HE WOULD... cause hes such a "idw rock the boat D:" type of player. but i literally sucked his ass these past two days to get his vote like im literally exhausted LKJHF.. mj wouldnt go to carson about it so i had to convince carson of it so carson goes to mj and im just shook that happened..

its funny bc logan is mesaging me like "sorry ur going :(" LKJHFLKJHF

me: omg its okay i knew it would happen :( i hope u do well!

KLJFHKLJF GODDDD... sucks bc i like logan WAY more than wes and pat but they have way too many ties and they only have one life left so we need to get them out NOW because if they make it to merge/swap theyre literally SET to WIN this game. no fucking joke. sorry logan if ur seeing this bc you were the nicest to me this whole time on this tribe but i have no other means of survival.

i cant wait for everyone to literally be shook it will truly be something. theres a chance carson is lying to mj/me/ruthie but that would be so stupid of him?? i hope he has enough intelligence to pull this off! i have faith in humanity! yeah, wish pat had one life kljfh

WHY! Why do I get so attached to people? Literally the last few days I've been talking to Owen a lot and I feel he's a strong potential ally but I've had to play fake because despite Owen's suggestions MJ hasn't seemed to bite Owen's idea so I also can't have it even just as an option. Ideally I would like to vote off MJ because out of everyone on this tribe he's extremely connected and he has no relevance to my game, nor me his. It leaves me yet again with a dilemma. I'm half tempted before tribal to send Owen my fake idol which seems kinda legit and say I'd play it on him if he voted MJ. Only thing is I'd have to get Jenn or Jimmy to also switch to MJ and when it's proven the idol is fake by not being played I've pretty much lied to everyone so I'm like? I don't think I could do that much for someone who so staunchly wanted me out only a week ago. It's hard because I like his motives further down the line, and he's also connected to those I'd like to hook in with. I don't know. I know I've had to play the liar tonight and I really don't like it. It's not me and it's not kind. False hope is worse than knowing you're leaving, and boy do I know how it feels. 

Why does everyone I get attached to leave as soon as it happens? If I somehow magically leave tonight then damn, but in all fairness I have no connections anyway? The Malay 3 is a nice group to be attached to, because I know they're carrying me a long, but I don't think people are attuned to the extent we're aligned, or how prepared I would be to chop ties. 

Steven's been quiet for the past hour. I think I'm gonna take that aaaas he's voting me out. So if this is it, peace out, it's been a little bit fun and mostly hell.

History sure does repeat itself, huh! Last TS season I was in: hosted by Ryan, 25 people, small ass tribes, and me getting screwed over by a group who were already friends.

sounds a lot like this game

So hey felicia, AND I HAD TO DEAL WITH RUTHIE THROWING HERSELF UNDER TO, even to the point to save my game in the future which is great, but like that still means I lose an ally, which is annoying, and honestly, had I not been skating by with 1 life, I would've been a lot more aggressive.....or I would've still been crying in a corner, which one is more realistic tbh.

But anyways, we now got a couple of days to do the music industry challenge, which is like the general lip sync comps that I LERV, but with a bunch of this extra shiva, so Im rolling in pain here, but here my team comes in clutch, Pat and Jack win us immunity and I MADE DAY 29 OFFICIALLY, IM AT DAY 100 I CAME AND I DID WHAT I NEEDED TO DO!!!!!!!! But now I need to continue whatever the heck I'm doing and if this is not merge, WHICH WOULD BE EVIL YA BUMS, I will literally die cause this is 10 people left in each game, like what freaking else am I going to be able to do. Especially with freaking someone having an idol, and yes someone (probably Carson) has an idol, cause Owen got the clue from Alex, but someone got it at the volcano which is dumb as heck, or not really dumb but now Im skating on eggshells again cause this aint gucci at all.

So as we won immunity, we got to go to the adventure again, and UNFORTUNATELY, I made Lydia waste 2 of her lives on mercury cause I can't figure that out, but APPARENTLY, I figured out the way to safely get through Jupiter, but I couldn't beat the flash game so now Im sitting here without the ability, so now Im here trying to get Pat to do it too, and turns out THIS FLASHGAME IS HIS JAM, but I'm also sitting here with a Danny Devito picture and a crying Pat and rn this just feels weird.....BUT IM ROLLING WITH IT.

So now Im waiting for tribal to happen, waiting to see what hell is raised and hoping for merge real quick but who even knows at this point, Owen feels dead and Steven ain't telling me anything but Im also here predicting immunity results

On 1/30/17, at 8:54 PM, Steffen Bøhn wrote: > I stay safe in game a On 1/30/17, at 8:54 PM, Steffen Bøhn wrote: > how about you stay safe in game b remember when I quoted the future

that was in a pm with Jimmy

Like back off Raven cause Steffen is in town, *hair flips*, anyways gonna die like a bum, so lets see what the announcement will be tonight.

and that's how owen died

I hope MJ gets blown up somehow. He's playing the best game wihtout a doubt.

I didn't expect it to hurt this much but I think it's because I know if I would've survive this then I could've gone to merge and jury. I would've been okay with just...making it to that point. I'm really upset now though and idk what to do. I'm sure it'll be fine. I just wanted a lot of things very badly and idk anymore kdfsjhdsfkjfhdskj

I'm a little upset with Kait for not ever messaging me at all like....even now? Nothing? Idk. I don't know if I'll feel upset at these people for a long time or what. I think I just need to take some time away.

Thank you hosts for a great game and a great twist. A lot of things didn't go my way and I really really really really wish they would have :( 

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 10: “Did I really win or is it an alternative win?” - Logan [ PART I ]

matt exposing the dynamics of the game to me is my kink

most of it i already know but i just play dumb

also, apparently people know me and mj are close? so... yikes. i need new allies

I honestly don't know what the hell happened today other than it really sucks to go to two tribals, but I'm laughing because:

[2017-01-25 11:35:37 PM] Owen (Myanmar Host): apparnelty gage told the vl upon arrival that the alliance of u me and logan is "taking over the game" :~) oh we did that huh

And I really almost voted Owen out tonight. If this is a real thing....

ALRIGHT serious update time. Chronologically since the reward:

(-) Both my tribes won. Hell yeah. And thank god Steffen is only around on one tribe, because PHEW. (-) Neither adventure led to anything good, and one actually led to a disadvantage which I immediately shared with my tribes. I'm curious as to how I could be disadvantaged on a list comp. (-) The good news is that between MJ and myself, we've officially concluded that Mars is tapped out. There's nothing left there unless taking a different pair of sunglasses at the start gives something different, and I'm not convinced. (-) Carson and I collaborated as well, as did Steffen and I. Both went to Mercury and guessed at SPF numbers. This is going to be so much random guesswork and process of elimination. I'll be impressed if it's gone any time soon. (-) Like an IDIOT, I totally spaced on telling Kait and she wasted her adventure going to Mars. Dammit. I need to get better at looping her in on things. (-) I called with Lydia yesterday just to soothe her nerves before the vote. We talked politics and board games and it was a super chill and mellow call. One thing we didn't especially discuss is game, and I think it did both of us some good. Turned out her fears were totally unfounded too, which is great. (-) RIP Gage? It's a shame because I like the dude quite a bit, but it's not like we spoke very much. (-) Everyone going to tribal again two rounds after the first is too stressful. Eep. (-) As soon as that came out, Matt came to me saying he knows I'm his target. Which... is a weird way to play that. Why tackle me in an immediately aggressive tone rather than try and continue construction on the half-built bridge? (-) Anyway, he goes on to tell me that this game is all about cliques and it's not meant to be 'Friendvivor.' Super clever. I'm not sure it's about cliques so much as it is about who works well with each other. If it were that simple, Lydia and Kait probably would have taken a million shots at each other by now. (-) But... he made a point about Jakey being the obvious target and about how it wouldn't be in my best interests to get Matt out. He makes a lot of sense. Matt's not gunning for me. It makes more sense for MJ to keep Jake than it does for me, and that's why MJ is the one pushing the Matt idea. Hm. (-) I'm worried for Ruthie on Andaman. She seems like the obvious round-delayed revolving-door boot. I don't like it, but I mean... who else am I going to vote? Not Steffen. As wishy washy as he is, he doesn't seem inclined to vote me out any time soon. And he's super pleasant to talk with when he's not hemming and hawing. Not Lydia or Jack for obvious reasons. Not Kait because duh. Not Carson because he's proven to be an even better ally than I'd anticipated. Ruthie fits into the Steffen category quite a bit, but she also wanted to keep Jake last round. And I know she's against Wes and MJ and Kait, three people who are in my corner. (-) Ugh. I don't like booting Ruthie again. She's the kind of person I'd love to see win if I couldn't. But strategically, our games have been at odds since the Wes vote. I'm trying to find a reason why it makes sense for me to keep her, and the only reasons that come up are applicable to everyone else on the tribe. Friendly. Fun to have around. Not likely targeting me any time soon (?). So I'm not gonna be the one to throw out the name. I need to bide my time and wait until it's beneficial for me to say a name again. Right now, I'm best served to keep my hopes up high, head down low. (-) God, imagine ANOTHER "lol we wouldn't send every tribe to tribal Ryan's not that evil! BUYBACK COMP!" bit. I'd die. (-) Super bummed to read about the VL leaks this morning. Who really wins from affecting the integrity of the game like that? There's plenty of information to process within the game without making the conscious decision to go outside it to gather more.

tl;dr: I like people, I'm dumb for not sharing adventure clues with my close ally, calling with Lydia is fun, targets are Jakey on Thotse and Ruthie on Andaman. Time to go to work.

Oh, and this list comp has always and will always suck mega donkey balls.

I said Thotse. I meant Kabru. Old habits die hard. #megara tribe is still best tribe

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I AM KAIT ON HER OTHER TRIBE HAVING SO MANY FINAL 2 DEALS THAT SHE COULDN'T SUBMIT A LIST! I HOPE THEY SEND HER PACKING, I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T RANK HER LAST HOW STUPID AM I? 

Kait I love you, I really do but I am going to be so salty if I get out before you. <3

Pat is my favorite thing about this game. 

as nice as it is to float, my name is bound to come up, and it has, from what pat tells me.

most likely, its ruthie going home on andaman, but i REALLY dont want that because she doesnt deserve it and i already feel bad for voting her.

also me and ruthie are just raging about how cliquey this season is

i feel like im about to Get Got™

I'm trying to make Andaman feel paranoid by telling them all to vote for me.  HOPEFULLY this will work and they will think I have an idol and my life will be spared.  This is either really genius or really stupid but I can't wait to see it all play out!  

Pat is legit my favorite person on Andaman though and I'm more than likely going to be voting him out so... we'll see. I'll probably be down to one life but I love little miracles <3

I really want to trust Jimmy/Jenn for this next vote but I'm awful nervous. I'm kinda half tempted to pull out the idol just to direct votes off me in case Owen has an idol. Apparently Jenn spoke with him to tell him he's leaving in game B which sucks because now if he has an idol he'd most likely play it in game A, which would send me home if he votes me, unless he'd like to revenge boot Jenn. I'm scared yet again that my time has come. I don't think Jimmy would lie to me though, but maybe I should push to shift the votes towards Logan should an idol appear...

also it looks like Matt will be "leaving" but I think he has sourced an idol which is great! Rooting for him all the way. 

[1/27/17, 8:54:15 PM] Ruthie: Who should I vote for on Andaman, why is no one suggesting names? D: [1/27/17, 8:55:24 PM] carson (tibet host): Idk people probably think you have an idol when you say to vote you so theyre scared sdjlsjkd [1/27/17, 8:58:06 PM] Ruthie: LOL I wish I had an idol. [1/27/17, 8:58:26 PM] Ruthie: Everyone is still voting for me right?

ESSSSSSSS.  The fact that this may work? Yes. <3 

i have a REALLY bad feeling about this tribal, and honestly, im just hoping i stay in both games.

if matt votes me like ruthie is saying and then plays an idol, im fucked. SO! i might throw a vote somewhere, who knows.

Hmm.