#also i know EJ looks huge i did that on purpose

[askticcitobyshit]

We aren't doing anything special, just hanging out between missions. We've mostly just drank, had bonfires, small get togethers at the mansion or someone's house, ect. Since I was gone for so long, and just got back right at the beginning of summer, I've been playing catchup with everyone. And getting my ass handed to me for leaving for so long. - Toby

[whaleofatjme1920]

HEY B GIMMIE THAT SWEET SWEET RIVAL MATCHUP U ALREADY KNO

You already know who this is but ill still give u a hot rundown: My names Ally, im 20 years old 5’7’’ and a Leo/year of the dragon/INFP. She/They pronouns and im Pansexual but i dont think that matters much in this situation >:P. Appearance wise i have shoulder length curly red hair and green/grey eyes, suuuuper pale skin and freckles. Im def an ambivert, very protective of people who mean alot to me and kind of sharp tempered, especially when people start talking about shit they dont know anything about. Im also a pretty big perfectionist and people pleaser and will beat the FUCK outta myself if i feel like i let people down or made people upset when i could have helped it. But thats all about me, heres those wacky questions!

- Stated before, but im an August Leo! I would say my aura would probably be a pinkish/ purple color? For dislikes i def dont like bitter foods, being too hot, rumors, people talking behind my back, ppl who act like they know what theyre talking about, ppl cutting me off when i lose my train of thought, conservatives, not caring about climate change/the planet in general, tight or restrictive clothes, not having enough time in the day, capitalism, ect. Honestly the most off the wall thing for me that would make me throw hands on sight would probably be someone saying some shit about my close friends behind their back to me.

- Once when I was 14 me and about 10 other people squeezed into a mini van at about 3am and drove around the town, not a single one of us had a license or were over the age of 16, and we were all ridiculously drunk and high the entire time (except the driver. we were underage, not stupid). After driving halfway across the island we got pulled over by cop on the interstate, and he walked up to the car, looked at the driver, then into the passenger seat and saw literally 10 KIDS OBVIOUSLY DRINKING and the car absolutely reeked of bud, then looked back at the driver and simply told him “Your tail light is out. Get home safe” and drove away. Ive never seen god faster than that moment LMAO

- I could never willingly fight a raccoon, youre sick for suggesting that >:/ They are precious boys and ive saved too many from drowning in my pool for me to lay a finger on one. And as for dealbreakers? My biggest one in a relationship is cheating, but thats pretty basic LMAO. I would also say one that’s definitely second in rank would be expecting someone to stay the same through out the relationship and getting upset when the person changes. We are human beings and developing and growing, if you dont support me in that nothing is going to work. I explained a bunch of things i dislike in people above, but ill also add in here people who hurt animals in any way/ litter for no reason. If one of my friends throws a piece of trash out of my car im slammin on the brakes and youre getting out and picking it up. And god forBID you touch an animal around me il doing whatever you did to it to yourself no hesitation.

- I would hate being stuck in a room with anyone, i have decently bad claustrophobia and if we were in there for more than a day i would start bugging out LOL But probably the worst type of person would be someone who just doesn’t shut up and trys to act like they know everything. Those are like, the most insufferable people to me. ESPECIALLY if theyre wrong and refuse to admit it. Whenever i think of being locked in a room, somehow i always imagine like a dark navy blue room with one small window and completely empty floors and walls, everything made out of carpet. Dont ask me why, i have absolutely no clue.

my feed back is ily bitch gimmie a good one i wanna fight a bitch

Your enemy is… Eyeless Jack!

In general:

I told you this yesterday but I wasn’t expecting you to send this in and must've spent like 5 straight minutes wheezing reading this. My gut reaction was Jeff, but based on what you wrote about the room, I’m going to say your enemy is actually Eyeless Jack!

Things he doesn’t like about you and how he pisses you off:

EJ doesn’t like that you’re a Leo. I’m not elaborating on that. He’s such a cold, clinical, heartless bastard that everything you are just goes against whatever tf he actually believes and acts as. I feel like you being a perfectionist would just brush against his perfectionist tendencies and habits. He’d say everything you’re doing is wrong. Just a dick. EJ may or may not exploit your weaknesses but that’s just because he thinks it’s fun and doesn’t like you.

EJ is a god of knowing what he’s talking about and it leads to this cocky, know it all attitude. It’s gonna brush you the wrong way. He knows that and takes joy in it. He will always attempt to one up you in knowledge and grin when he sees you falter. On the other end, if you catch him off guard he’s gonna be SO MAD. He will purposely turn up the heat in your presence just to make you upset. He will breathe down your neck and get in your personal space just to make you more uncomfortable. EJ isn’t anywhere NEAR a conservative or a climate change denier but he will take those positions just to make you mad and laugh over your attempts at arguing with him. Like Jeff, he’s a huge devil’s advocate and will start shit just because he can. I don’t actually think he’d talk about your friends negatively in front of you though, but he would definitely say stuff about you to your face.

EJ thinks it’s stupid you drank underage and will poke that memory. He will use insults about alcohol and the brain despite drinking a ton himself. If you call him out on it, he will fold. Literally throw everything he says about you back at him and he will get puffy and fast. EJ can’t always handle change that well so like, he’s a stubborn guy. Despite how logical he can be and how smart he is, socially he is so uncouth!! EJ doesn’t litter so you don’t have to worry about that but he’s definitely gonna do things that push your buttons, mostly say things that put you off. He’s not claustrophobic. He will put you in situations like that just because he can. The dark navy blue of his mask is going to haunt you. EJ will act like a god in your presence and snarl when you dare question his abilities. CALL HIM OUT. HUMBLE HIM PLEASE.

He agrees on the raccoon thing ngl. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but EJ has such a soft spot for animals - mostly birds - but he can’t fault you for the raccoon thing. He's also not too fond of litter so he has to agree with you on that one too.

Closing Thoughts/Other Things:

Knowing you for as long as I have, I was so, so ready to actually put you with Jeff. However, the more I read into this the more my intuition screeched that you would actually throw hands with EJ and I find that HILARIOUS. Just the arguments between you and this tall, muscular demon man is just - “what? What? WHAT” It’s beautiful. I’m serious, Merida vs. a literal demon. That’s all. Ily. <3

[voyage-in-the-dark]

kate daniels mbti

I reread the entirety of Kate Daniels recently. Also reread some of the Hidden Legacy books and other Ilona Andrews books. Here’s my mbti typings.

Kate Daniels - ESFP

Se and Fi are the two most obvious functions she has. Curran and other characters characterized her as loud-mouthed and reckless. She was a merc before she joined the Pack. And some of her decisions in the first few books were really very rash. Joining the Pack actually gave her a chance to mature. She could no longer blindly charge into situations because now her actions affected not only her, but a lot of other people. She’s very honest and authentic and her values and actions are always congruent. Some of the best emotional tension and stakes in the series comes when she couldn’t act in accordance with her values. Eg. in Magic Breaks, it was so, so intense and the stakes were very high because Kate, a natural protector, wasn’t able to protect her people. Her friends have always said that Kate is loyal, almost to a fault. If she accepted and befriended you, she was your friend for life, no matter what you did. She won’t give up on you. Throughout the series, Kate is always empathizing with people and she’s kind to them because of her empathy. She’s always taking in misfits. She’s also very physical. When she’s upset, she paces or fights or kills something. She’s constantly fidgeting and taking action. In fight scenes, she seems to often experience peak ‘in the zone’ moments, something that Se-doms/SPs seek.

I think the bigger question, for me, is whether she is an Fi-dom or Se-dom? I’m undecided because I can’t tell if Ni or Te is her inferior function. I’m leaning towards ESFP. Firstly, the last word anyone could use to describe her is ‘passive’ or ‘introverted’. She is not someone who could stand in the background and not do anything. She charges into everything. Her arc shows that she grows from a reckless, superficial and unthinking merc with a secret to hide, to someone who thinks before charging into situations, someone who is concerned with living in a way that’s true to her values and what’s right to her. Slightly supporting my ESFP headcanon is Erra’s last words and the ‘bad end’ for Kate - it shows a vision of her looking like a loose canon; a very powerful and reckless villain with no morals, wanting nothing more than the thrill of the battle. It’s also rare for her to really stop and reflect on the future or for her to have a strong sense of purpose (Ni). When stressed, she tends to want to lose herself physically (get into a fight), or kill the person who caused it. She doesn’t withdraw, wallow, or catastrophize, which tertiary Ni is more likely to do. Also, the way she is so persevering and tough reminds me of strong Te. No matter what happens, if it’s someone she cares about (Curran, her family in danger), she will not stop until she’s eliminated the threat. It’s hard to imagine an Fi-dom being so persevering. Her relationship with Curran also shows a bit of lower function compensation - she compensates for his weak spots (empathy) and he compensates for hers (ruthlessness, as Robert mentioned in Magic Breaks)

Curran - ENTJ

I think his mbti is quite obvious. He’s actually quite a stereotypical example of an ENTJ. Te-doms are often natural leaders and they’re often in positions of power in huge corporations or organizations (the Pack). They’re very efficient and effective at managing or leading. He also has no problem taking full responsibility for issues (very healthy Te), in being very tough-minded and fair, being able to put aside his personal feelings to get the job done (how he dealt with Hugh) and having a low tolerance for things that are trivial/waste his time. Ni is obvious in how he’s a long-term and strategic thinker. Eg. the way he maneuvers around pack politics and the way he uses panacea for diplomacy, the very groundbreaking idea to create a Pack. In the book after he leaves the Pack, he said he doesn’t miss the Pack, but he misses taking something very big and complicated and making it work better (very ENTJ) - which is why he started fiddling with the Guild. On a site note, Rogan Connor from Hidden Legacy is also ENTJ, although quite different.

Jim - INTJ

Stab in the dark. He is able to separate the professional and personal parts of his life quite well and doesn’t let personal feelings get in the way of getting the job done, e.g. Kate/the Guild vs Pack (TJ), he’s very much someone who lurks in the background, waiting for all the information before he acts (I), and NJ because he’s overly serious and intense and obsessive when pursuing a goal or when threatened. Also, he’s quite confident in his paranoia and Ni-Se/Se-Ni gives a person a hard edge compared to Ne-Si/Si-Ne.

Derek - ISFP

A guess. He’s a lone wolf - ISxP. He’s quite gentle and introverted. He’s often in the background and doesn’t involve himself in things unnecessarily. I’m very curious how he’ll turn out in the upcoming Ryder book. 

Raphael - ESxP

There are a number of Se-dom men in Ilona Andrews’ writing. Kaldar from the Edge, Alessandro from Hidden Legacy, Raphael and Ascanio from Kate Daniels... they tend to be really playful, sensual, doesn’t take anything seriously, and physically/sexually attractive. It explains why Curran/Rogan don’t like them, lol.

Barabas - ExTP, Christopher - IxFx?

Barabas has strong ExTP vibes. He’s mentally very sharp, does well in his position as a lawyer, he’s good at picking apart people’s arguments and exploiting agreements to find loopholes. He mentioned to Kate in Magic Binds that he really likes taking a problem, breaking it apart, and finding a solution for it - Ti. 

We don’t know much about Christopher, but from his demeanor, I suspect he’s an introverted feeler. He's quite quiet and he's very gentle.

Roland - narcissistic ENFJ with self-image issues

He’s a control freak and a megalomaniac who thinks he knows best. Whenever someone is a control freak, they are most likely a EJ and are doubling down on a loop, trying to control everything around them when what they need to do is stop and reflect. He likes to appear kindly and fatherly and goes to some extent to manage other people’s perceptions of him - what other people think of him matters to him (dysfunctional Fe). He is remarkably immune to logic and reality, even when evidence of his cruel and harmful actions are shown or told to him, he ignores them or twists them into something else that suits his beliefs (low S, low T). He doesn’t like imperfections and flaws and wants to bring about an ideal vision of the world, as seen in Kate’s conversation with him about beauty and craftsmanship at Cutting Edge in Magic Binds. He also always makes things of beauty and doesn’t like physical ugliness.

[seblos]

there’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach - ch 4/10

chapter title: you’re on, lovers!

word count: 1,995

[one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine (coming soon)]

read on ao3

“So,” Ashlyn leans over during history. “You and Seb, huh?”

Carlos looks up from the textbook he was reading in surprise. “What do you mean?” he asked, eyes widening. It wasn’t Ashlyn talking to him that surprised him. They had become closer as rehearsals progressed. Also, when they both had lingered near the GSA poster, Ashlyn had struck up a conversation with him. Turns out she was bi, and theatre queers always stuck together anyway. It was her words, rather, that gets his attention. 

“I mean, you too stare at each other all through rehearsal, you sit together at lunch, he drives you home like every other day,” Ashlyn lists, and Carlos’s heart speeds up. Was it really that obvious? “So are you two together, or…” she trails off.

“No! I mean… not yet,” Carlos feels his cheeks heat up. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind if we were… but no.”

Ashlyn smiles. “Cool. If it helps, he totally likes you too,” she adds.

“How do you know?”

She shrugs. “I just have a feeling.”

“Did he tell you?” Carlos feels his stomach twist. As much as he wanted confirmation that the other boy liked him back, the idea of hearing it from Ashlyn rather than him felt wrong.

“No,” she says, and Carlos lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “I mean, I haven’t asked him since I thought you two were already a thing. But we’re in baking club together and when I asked about you he kinda lit up.”

“Oh, okay,” Carlos nods, and his heart swells. “So what should I do about it?”

Ashlyn shrugs again. “I dunno, ask him out?”

He blushes. “No.”

“Alright, that’s on you,” she said. “But you should ask him to hang out or something. Get closer to him, so when you are ready it won’t be awkward.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to ask out Seb,” Carlos mumbles. “I’ve never dated anyone. I don’t know how to be a boyfriend.”

Ashlyn smiles sweetly. “I’m pretty sure he hasn’t either. It’s something you can figure out together, you know.”

After she says that, their teacher scolds them for talking, and the two bend back over the worksheet they’re supposed to be working on. As he stares at the textbook, though, Carlos can’t help but think about what Ashlyn said. They would be figuring it out together. It’s hard to believe that someone like Seb could possibly like him back, but it might just be true, and the idea of it makes Carlos’s heart leap to his throat.

—

“Every time we end rehearsal early, I feel like my life is a lot more like Glee than I think it is,” Carlos says, rolling his eyes as he zips up his backpack from yet another badly ended rehearsal. They had barely lasted half an hour today. At this rate, they’re never going to get the blocking done by the show. 

Seb laughs from where he’s organizing his sheet music over at the piano. Everyone had already filed out of the room, but Carlos purposely had taken his time, knowing that Seb would most likely be the last one out. By this point, it was just routine.

“To be fair, Miss Jenn was definitely a Rachel Berry in high school,” Seb comments, stuffing the folder in his backpack, and Carlos snorts lightly. “So,” he says, swinging his backpack onto his back. “Since rehearsal ended early, I’m assuming I’m driving you home?”

Carlos is about to say yes until he remembers what Ashlyn had told him earlier. Before he can overthink it, Carlos asks, “Or we could hang out? Since it did end so early… could we do chem homework or something together at my house?”

Seb looks surprised at first, and Carlos’s heart is still beating quickly, but the shock wears off quickly and is instead replaced with a smile. 

“Sure, I’d love to,” Seb says. 

As they’re walking out together, their hands brush together for a moment, and Carlos can’t tell if it’s on purpose or not. He debates grabbing Seb’s hand for a moment but ends up just grabbing the strap of his backpack instead to resist the urge.

Carlos swears that he sees Seb’s expression drop for just a second, but it’s so quick he probably just imagined it.

They still end up having Georgie give them a ride, who is surprisingly not upset about having driven all the way to the school just to drive the two of them back to Carlos’s house. Rather, she just gives Seb a sort of half-smile. He immediately blushes, giving her the stink eye, and Georgie just laughs.

On the ride over, though, Carlos realizes what they’re about to do. Seb is about to be in his house, in his room. He doesn’t know the last time he’s had someone in his room since 7th grade. Sure, Seb knows about his weird, split family already, but the idea of him experiencing it is so much scarier for some reason. He tried not to overthink it as Seb stepped into his house. 

“Carlos? Is that you, mijo?” his mother calls as he shuts the door, and Carlos suddenly realizes that he should have checked with his mom if Seb could come over before he invited him. To be fair, though, he’s never really done this before. 

“Hi, mamá!” He says as his mom steps into view. “I brought Seb over to work on some chemistry homework, I hope that’s okay.” 

He’s expecting some sort of disapproving look or passive aggressive comment about checking with her before bringing someone over. Instead, “So this is the Sebastian I’ve heard so much about!” is what his mother says, much to his surprise. 

“It’s great to meet you, Ms. Rodriguez,” Seb says with a smile, and his mom raises a sly eyebrow at Carlos, who only gives her a look in return. 

“Seb, are you staying for dinner?” she asks, turning her attention back to the boy.

“Oh, no, I need to be home to finish my chores. Thank you so much though!” 

“Chores, huh?” Now it’s Ms. Rodriguez’s turn to smile. “You could learn something from this boy, Carlos.”

Carlos just rolls his eyes. “I do some chores!” He defends. “Also, I told you mamá, Seb lives on a farm. His chores are a bit different from mine.”

“Alright, well, I’ll let you two get your homework done,” she dismisses them, and Carlos leads Seb upstairs to his room.

When they first enter it, Carlos immediately goes to his bed. He motions for Seb to sit down, who does so hesitantly. Neither of them say a word for a moment, and Carlos worries that he’s made a mistake inviting Seb over here. 

As if on cue, Seb breaks the silence.”So, you talk about me to your mom, huh?” he teases, and Carlos hits him with a pillow.

“To be fair, she asked about you,” he says, which releases the tension as both of them relax, getting back to their normal selves.

They both take out their chemistry homework, but it ends up lying abandoned on Carlos’s desk in favor of the two of them discussing theater and rehearsal.

“Can I just say, your facial expressions while Nini and EJ were singing were priceless! If I wasn’t so focused on hoping that this rehearsal would actually stay together, I would have lost it watching you.” Carlos laughs, and Seb glares at him harmlessly. 

“Let’s just say I definitely liked out version better! I’m telling you, trying to keep a straight face was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Surprised I can do anything straight, to be honest,” Seb says cheekily from where he’s laying on his stomach the foot of Carlos’s bed.

(The joke doesn’t exactly take Carlos by surprise, but just the casualness of it does. He had only ever made those kinds of jokes with Ashlyn, and had forgotten that he was able to make them with Seb too.)

“I love Nini, I do, but sometimes her ability to jump from boy to boy surprises me,” Seb continues. His phone lights up with a text notification, and he picks it up to read. “Speak of the devil, Nini just texted to tell me that she and EJ have officially broken up. Blocked his number and everything.”

“Wow,” Carlos raises his eyebrows. “I didn’t know you and Nini were friends.”

“Yeah, well, we met when we were young. Only other kid I knew that had two last names, which we decided to be the basis of our friendship, I guess. I ended up transferring schools, and I guess she skipped a grade or something because we didn’t meet again until last year when I got to East High and we got reintroduced during Brigadoon,” Seb explained.

Carlos nods along. He knew that Seb didn’t go to the middle school he had gone to with Nini and Ricky and all the others, but somehow it never occurred to him that he knew them before high school.

“I never really got close to her,” Carlos says, surprising himself. “I mean, we're friendly, but I guess I didn’t really think we had much in common. Plus Gabriella isn’t in any of the huge dance numbers, so I guess that’s how I ended up migrating more towards you and Gina.” 

He’s never really talked about his differences with the rest of the cast with anyone else because, well, he doesn’t really talk to the cast in general. Part of him wants to open up to Seb about the weird balance of being a sophomore who has some sort of authorial power over the upperclassman, but he can’t exactly put it into words and it hurts his head to think about. He files that thought away for later as Seb starts talking again.

“Are you calling me a dancer?” He asks, sticking his leg up for a moment. His tone is joking, but the smile across his face seems genuine, and it makes Carlos’s heart melt.

“Mmm, you could use some work,” he says, looking Seb up and down as if he’s judging his form, causing Seb to blush lightly. “No, but actually, you are a really good dancer. Compared to some of the others at least,” Carlos laughs, and Seb joins in.

“Wow, so kind of you,” he says, rolling his eyes although the smile is still spread across his face. “I’m kidding, I don’t even begin to compare to Gina and some of the ensemble. I would kill to be able to move so easily like that.”

“I think you’re doing fine, considering your lack of dance training,” Carlos says, and now it’s Seb’s turn to hit him with a pillow. “Although…” he starts as he considers how this idea will go over with Seb. “If you wanted to, I could give you dance lessons? Like before school or something?”

He’s expecting Seb to reject the idea or come up with excuses. Instead, the other boy's eyes light up and he props himself up on his elbows. “Really?” he asks excitedly, and Carlos sits up straighter.

“I mean yeah, if you genuinely want to improve and you want extra time practicing,” he says with a smile. “We could do once a week, or non-rehearsal days, whatever is best for you!”

“Non-rehearsal days would actually be perfect!”

“So do you want to start this Friday?” Carlos asks since that would be their closest non-rehearsal day. “Maybe, like, 7:00? Gives us about half an hour before homeroom. Or is that too early?”

Seb shakes his head. “I’m up every morning at 5:30 in the morning anyway, so 7 works fine for me!” he smiles.

Carlos smiles back before he processes what Seb had just said. “Geez, 5:30? That’s so early,” he says disgustedly. 

The way Seb laughs makes his head spin, and suddenly Carlos doesn’t know how he’s going to be able to survive private rehearsals in a few days. 

[benditlikepress]

Ziva David Week Day 2: Favourite Episode(s) 

Out of the Darkness / Into the Light

@zivaweek

Now I of all people can't believe I'm quoting episodes from the most recent season of NCIS as my favourite Ziva episodes

I'm not visually creative but I did write a fic set after these episodes and also had Some Thoughts tm on my way to work this morning

I think what made these episodes so special for me was how Ziva took centre stage. Now of course Ziva has had so many amazing centric episodes before (Recoil, TorC, Shiva, etc) but what's unique about these two is that we access them via Ziva and Ziva alone. In pretty much every other Ziva-centric episode, we access Ziva's story through Tony's eyes. Usually a staple of Ziva-centric episodes is her shutting down and refusing to acknowledge her feelings. While I think Tony definitely served his purpose over the years as a vehicle to access what Ziva was thinking, I'm so grateful that the writers finally found a way that they could stay true to who Ziva is while being able to tell her story solely through her eyes. It's also reflective of the ways she's changed over the years - as we learnt from her diaries in She, there is this whole other intensely emotional side of her that we so rarely got to see on screen before and I'm glad we're getting more of an understanding of it now.

More rambling thoughts below the cut >>

In staying true to Ziva's character, I also think they did a good job of revisiting the storylines and conflicts that were at the heart of her time on the show. Her ties to her family and Ari, her relationship with Gibbs, her ideas of morality, questions of motive and whether Ziva can be trusted, her relationship with Tony and her desire for a home and a family. I think the only thing they didn't touch on was her divided loyalties between the US/NCIS and Israel/Mossad, although there's only 1 hour 20 minutes to work with!

While I loved Truth or Consequences and Reunion as episodes, I had a big issue with the resolution of that storyline in that we got so little in terms of the after-effects of what Ziva went through when she was held captive. Aside from (to an extent) Good Cop Bad Cop and that tiny conversation with Tony in Masquerade, it was a huge missed opportunity. Ziva's trauma is never something the show took the time to explore in depth and it is weirdly satisfying to see her now - to see her openly struggling with mental illness, talking about it with people, trying to get better. After everything she has gone through Ziva needs time to heal and I'm so glad the show has acknowledged that.

Another element of how Ziva's emotions are vocalised in the episodes - it seems surreal but these episodes are pretty much the first time we hear first-hand from Ziva what Tony means to her. When you think about the sort of significant emotional conversations the two of them had, it was almost always Tony who was baring his feelings ("couldn't live without you", "in your life", "contents priceless", "post elevator us", "i'm fighting for you", etc). With the exception of the last words she ever said on-screen to Tony, Ziva was always about the unspoken. Think about all the people who have spoken more on Ziva's feelings for Tony than she has over the years - Ducky, Abby, McGee reading from her diary, Dina Bashan, even EJ to an extent. To hear directly from Ziva that she considers Tony her family in the same way as we have seen Tony fighting for her over the years is so special.

On the topic of family, Ziva spent much of her later years on the show pondering her future and her ideas of permanence. 7x07 "I came to NCIS to settle down, to make a home for myself" / 8x14 "I want something permanent. Something that can't be taken away." and talking about how she thought the prospect of kids and a family was far out of her reach. To see her now, knowing exactly what she wants, recognising that she has a family and fighting to get back to them is such valuable growth. I really hope her next episodes can end with her reunited with them and ready to move onto the next chapter of her life.

Getting to see mum!Ziva fighting with everything she has for Tali, seeing how many years she has spent protecting her and Tony from the people trying to hurt her, seeing how much it's killing her being away from them, all good stuff. I can't wait to see Ziva reunited with her little girl.

I don't think the episodes are perfect by any means but I think they did well at paying tribute to who Ziva is as a character and echoing back to her previous time on the show. There are so many incredible parallels in these episodes to past scenes:

Ziva remembering Tony in the bullpen, paralleling Tony remembering Ziva in the bullpen in 13x24. I've spoken about this before but I think Ziva seeing a young Tony rather than the Tony that she 'knew' can actually have meaning beyond just "he looks up like Ziva did in Tony's scene". It reminded me of when Tony was looking for Ziva in WTF/PPF and he's at Ziva's old apartment block from her childhood with Adam and he sees teenage Ziva. It also made me think of how Ziva was in PPF, how she believed that she brought all this misery onto people. Almost as if she was remembering Tony from a time before she met him and everything that went wrong between them happened.

(Bonus:) The way Ziva looks at Tony's desk with a little grin when she walks in before looking at her own desk is the exact same thing she does when she first appears in 3x01

Ziva holding her necklace, paralleling Tony holding Ziva's necklace in 13x24. This one is my favourite. The way the two of them both grasp for the necklace - their connection to their family, when they are worried and want support. Tony is watching the house fire on screen clutching Ziva's necklace like a rosary praying she's safe. Ziva is having a panic attack from missing their daughter and she clutches her necklace as a way to ground herself. The way both of them seek comfort in the same way just ughh my heart

Ziva's "no, I will not be convinced", paralleling Tony's "no, I can't" in 13x24. They're both arguing and fighting for each other, the way they both desperately say "no" is so sad. I wouldn't say Gibbs wasn't aware of the lengths each of them would go to for the other, and that arguing with them was useless, but (especially in the case of Ziva) he still wanted to protect them.

Ziva coming down into Gibbs basement, paralleling when she killed Ari in 3x02. I have a LOT of mixed feelings about the retconning of why Ziva killed Ari and I still see it as her having a genuine desire to protect and show loyalty to Gibbs. In a way that is exactly what she's doing in 17x01, she's resurfaced after all these years because someone knows they can get to her through him. Her loyalty to Gibbs is a constant even as everything else changes.

Ziva telling Ducky "it's complicated" when he asks about Tony, paralleling Ziva saying to Tony "Complicated, complicated, complicated. You know in America, I have noticed they use that word as a code for 'if I explain it you would not agree, therefore I will use the word complicated and hope you stop asking.'" in 4x22

McGee telling Ziva it's a "miracle" to see her back from the dead, paralleling McGee asking Ziva "do you believe in miracles?" when they think Tony has died in 5x01. I watched 5x01 the other day and I just thought this was a cute throwback

[guttersvillemayor]

Cold, Harsh Light Of Day

[At first, all I’m aware of is the fact that the blood is pounding so loud in my head that I can feel it, hear it. And then underneath that, I can hear the voices talking in another room. It sounds like Wendy and Jonah. “I don’t care, Wendy. My sister is not allowed to treat you that way. Jasper wouldn’t let her talk to Dahlia that way and neither would Jackson let her with Reba. Right, Jack?” I don’t hear Jackson so I can only imagine he replied with a nod or something. “I don’t doubt it, babe. But you have to realize that unlike them, I’m her best friend. It’s not the same by a mile.” There’s some silence and in that time things catch up with me. Like how the night before I’d had too much to drink and after being questioned by Wendy while my guard was down, I had a complete meltdown. It wouldn’t have been an issue in general as I’ve had moments like that since being fired when things reached a boiling point. But it had never happened in front of someone like Wendy. Basically, family. And it would seem that she called in the calvary after I left her. That reminds me that I heard her talking at one point last night and I can only assume now that it was Jonah who brought the others up to speed. 

Not wanting to wait for them, like a firing squad, I decide it’s better to do things on my own terms and get this over with while I already felt like the shit on the bottom of someone’s shoe. Thankfully, I had already been in comfy sweats before I’d started drinking, but I’m not sure how a blanket got on top of me. Probably Wendy while checking on me after whenever the guys let her inside. I guess that would be my first question. Slowly rolling out of the bed, I quietly pad my way to the door and open it to reveal all five of my brothers along with Wendy. She and Jonah are standing close to the door and the rest are all sitting in various places around the family room. Their collective eyes all shifting to look at me as I lean against the doorway.] So…. how long have you all been here? [The look on Jonah’s face shows me just how pissed he is. It’s not one I’ve usually seen directed at me but I still know it well enough. And even if I didn’t, the barely veiled anger in the tone of his voice would give how he feels away. “Wendy’s been here ever since you tried to lock her out last night. Thankfully she knows where the spare key is kept because she didn’t feel it best to leave you on your own even if you were acting like a whiny brat.” 

Jasper, Jackson and Wendy all call out his name at the same time and I simply wave them off. He had a right to be upset after I let loose one his fiancee. I wasn’t so hungover or about my own problems that I couldn’t see that, no matter how much it might irk me as I remember a time when I would be pissed with him for saying shit to her growing up. Boy how the tables had turned. Jasper seems to realize he needs to step in and run things or tempers could flare up. “Why don’t we focus on one thing at a time, starting with the most important. Why didn’t you tell any of us what was going on with you, Emma Jean?” His voice is firm when he starts, but it softens when he asks me the question, and I don’t have any good answer. In fact, I shrug my arms, unsure what to say. “That’s not good enough, E.J. We knew something was up when we talked to you at the diner the other night, but you didn’t even give a hint that it was this big,” Jackson said also taking the ‘interacting with an injured animal’ approach. Clearly there had been a long discussion before I woke up as no one is surprised at the mention of the twins’ late night ambush. 

Damn, I was fucked if they were all going to provide a united front against me. My only saving grace was that my parents wouldn’t be home for another day.] It’s not like there was anything you guys could have done. [I can already see at least Jasper and the twins ready to disagree with me and I know what’s coming so I try to cut them off.] And I didn’t want y’all trying to find me a job at dad’s business for me. Those should be for people who actually need them and want to work there. I already felt bad enough, I didn’t want to be surrounded by my family while I worked at a job I didn’t want to be at, okay? As horrible as that might sound. [The throbbing in my head only intensifies the longer I’m standing up and I bring my hands up as if to rub the sleep and hangover from my face. Judd, who’s the only one sitting on the couch, pats it and sets a huge pillow down against the outside of his leg in invitation to come and lay down beside him. And as much as I might want to stay standing alone against what interrogation I’m going to go through, my body doesn’t feel up to and would much rather crash so I drag my tired self over to the couch and flop down next to him. 

At the same time, I see Wendy move off to the kitchenette area and Jesse shifts over to the arm of the couch next to my feet, giving my calf a comforting pat. The action might seem out of place considering what was going on in the conversation, but then again with Jesse being the youngest among us and similar artistic career concerns he didn’t really have much room to talk down to me. If anything, he probably understood where I was coming from even if he didn’t agree with how I was handling my current situation. Whatever attempt at a smile I had thought about doing is quickly forgotten when I notice Wendy returning with a glass of water in one hand while the other hand was in a closed fist. Despite how I’d blown up at her and angry my brother was, my best friend’s first action was to get me some painkillers and water. Properly chagrined, I tried to appear grateful as I take the proffered items. However, I’d learned a long time ago that when I felt bad, sick, or pathetic enough, my face could take a bit of a dead expression so I mutter a soft thanks to make the difference. 

And there ended the short reprieve as Jasper, Jackson and Jonah all stand side by side in front of the couch as soon as Wendy has backed away. A united front that was rarely set against me. I’d seen them tackle problems, especially on the job, this way. And now it seemed I was the problem. With a quick glance first at Jonah and then Jasper, Jackson decides it’s time to push forward. “I guess we can understand you not wanted to work for the family business, EJ. But you didn’t say anything to anyone about your troubles. You let us all believe that you were coming home on your own terms because you wanted to and just needed to stay with Mom and Dad until you could find a good place to live.” Jasper quickly picks up the thread and takes a step closer to the couch. “You’ve always been independent Emma, even when you were little. It’s why no one thought twice about you moving away, but this isn’t the little girl who insisted she could handle a school yard bully by herself, even though she knew her brothers had her back if she needed them. I don’t know what happened while you were away in Baltimore and in some ways I don’t care, I just want to make sure you’re okay moving forward. That’s all we really care about, right?” 

He says this last part to the guys who all agree with him, even Jonah who was the only one to really receive a questioning look from Jasper after he asked. Jonah links his fingers with Wendy’s and the action seems deliberate, but for what reason, I couldn’t say. However, once he does it, his voice finds its usually calm tone. “No matter what, we love you, Emma Jean. But we can’t help you and be the brothers and family to you that we want to be if you don’t let us in. Clearly things have changed. We’ve grown up and stuff has shifted, but that doesn’t mean we love you any less or that we’re not going to do whatever we can as your brothers. That will never change… unfortunately.” His lips pull back into a soft smile which betrays the last teasing comment and in a way it’s also a slight show of forgiveness concerning what happened with Wendy. Not that I’m sure we won’t have more words about it in the future between the three of us, but they hopefully won’t be as heated as they could have been when I first woke up. 

With a bit of a heavy sigh that tries to become a yawn, I sit up before addressing my older brothers.] Look, I honestly don’t know what to say right now. We’re pretty lucky that I’m even remotely close to functioning this morning…. [I pause for a moment cause I realize I’m not sure if it is even in fact morning and I see Judd nod his head in the corner of my eye. As a teacher, he’s used to students speaking in a questioning tone as if they aren’t sure about if they are answering something correctly. I’m also not surprised he hasn’t said anything with the others. Not because he’s younger than me like Jesse, but because of our own sibling dynamic since we were so close in age. Anything he has to say to me, he’ll wait until the others leave to bring up just like he always did growing up.] I will own up to the fact that I should have been more honest about what was going on with me and the circumstances that brought me back home. But that’s all I’m prepared to say at the moment. [My gaze quickly darts to Wendy before looking around my brothers and I wonder exactly how much of what I told her last night was shared. As much as I wouldn’t have thought it of Wendy in the past, given the situation I can imagine she didn’t hold much back.] Some things about what happened are off the table and aren’t up for discussion… I mean it. 

[My gaze now meets Jasper’s with a purpose as he is the obvious ringleader of us all.] We can talk more about the rest later, but for now I really just want to go roll back into bed and sleep this off. I had a lot to drink even before you sent in your double agent. [I will my eyes not to dart once again in Wendy’s direction while trying to keep my voice light so that tempers don’t flare again with Jonah. With a smile belying more cheer than I’m even remotely feeling, I somehow lift myself up off the couch and make my way toward my room. “We’ll leave behind some lunch for you to eat when you wake back up.” I can’t help but look back now at Wendy and meet her gaze and the soft smile on her face which I try to return.] I’d appreciate that… I’m gonna get some sleep now. 

[I’m not sure if I prefer the awkwardness of the situation compared to the angry tension I woke up to, but my brothers all start to bid me farewell as I try not to flee into my room and quickly shut the door. Even as I roll into my bed, I can hear the sounds of a hushed conversation taking place before they head upstairs, no doubt for the lunch Wendy mentioned. I’m still not sure how I feel about the events of the morning, but I do know that I couldn’t simply pretend it hadn’t happened and bury my head in the sand like I’d been doing. Sooner rather than later, I’d also have to come clean with my parents. At the moment, I wasn’t sure what benefit coming home had been, but that could just be the hangover talking. Another heavy sigh escapes me before I groan and decide that if I couldn’t bury my head in the sand, I could at least bury myself back under the blankets once again, willing myself to sleep eventually.]