#also i just got a lot of incomprehensible anon messages. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

husbandomail · 3 days ago

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hi gira! you don't really know me ‘cause im one of the anons that are shy about interacting (i’m actually the one that requested something about sigma on a diff blog a while back if you're curious! thank you so much btw, i’ve been a little everywhere so i totally forgot i did that…) but i have a looot to say after lurking for a hot minute. even as i write this now, i'm not totally sure i can express everything the way i want to. i'm sure you know the difficulties of putting feelings into words. but, i will persist anyways!!!! hope you don't mind me sending it here. i want say what i can before i lose the confidence to say anything at all! ready? here i go!

when i say im captured by your style, i mean it. but if someone asked me (or at least, the me from a few days ago), it would be hard to describe the way it feels to read your works. i only started thinking about it seriously when i saw the link for your deco tree. because well… most authors like hearing about how their work has influenced others, right? i thought, yeah, sure, i can totally cook up a short cute little message and be done with it! nope. sigh. my message ended up being way too long to fit into the text box. i didn't know it had a character limit ☹️ so im sending this to you on tumblr and also a day early! surprise🎉🎉

i feel many things when i'm reading your works. but the main feeling, i can only describe as a tingling sensation in the back of my head, as if someone reached inside my skull and brushed their fingers against my inner thoughts. it feels similar to the way one can sense staring eyes, the way lies can sometimes be detected by gut feeling alone. the way i imagine a human would feel when they see something with teeth and claws and fangs lingering at the edge of a forest. something that is so beautiful and incomprehensible, they spend the rest of their life chasing it. and when they finally find it one day, purely by chance, it's much more human than they could have ever expected. i am grateful for how much fascination your works have brought me.

in general, your writing has an incredibly nice physicality to it. it just feels real. like the very air is humid with your words when i read, condensing on my skin like sweat and dripping down into all the places i can't reach. i’m not even in the majority of the fandoms you post about. and still, even if it's a short drabble for a show i’ve never held an interest for in my life, you manage to make me feel like i’ve loved the character forever. like i love them so much it doesn’t fit. i can’t compare it to anything; can’t even call it love when it’s so, so much more than that.

it's like trying to understand the distance between here and the sun, comparing kilometers to light years—how many longing glances, tender touches, and breathless whispers would equate to this love? how many years of stolen nights under starlit skies? its formless. impossible to quantify or contain, forever shifting and morphing into new kinds of love all the time. all because of the stunning way you characterize these people. i can't get enough of it.

i don't think i have the right to comment about you as a person considering i'm quite literally just some weirdo on the internet, but from what i can tell you're super awesome and sweet. thank you for sharing your writing. thank you for sharing your thoughts. thank you for loving characters the way you do. thank you for all the time you've spent. and thank you so very much for being here with us. i love being here with you too! sorry if im being a lot right now hgdhfgjjghhd

anyways. i wish from the bottom of my heart that everything goes your way next year and the years after that. may you have an amazing day every single day. always know that even if you got everything you wanted, you'd still deserve more. happy holidays 💝

I was coincidentally online when this landed in the ask box and I've been staring at it this entire time, trying to figure out a way to express my appreciation in turn, because you're right. My passion is putting feelings into words and that happens to be one of the hardest things a person can do. is it enough for me to just say thank you? can I say that I want to print this out and put it on my fridge, is that too silly? is it enough to say I'll probably be thinking about this for the rest of my life? even that doesn't feel heavy enough to convey the fact that I started crying while reading this haha

I've been writing a very long time, and the internet has changed a lot in that time. Of course I enjoy writing whatever I want, but I really miss the interaction that used to come naturally with posting fics. I love comments because I want to be able to yell about things with everyone, I'm always thrilled to know that I'm not just posting into a void. it is writing for the sake of writing, but a human part of me wants to be seen as well, to know that the things I create are helping someone, somewhere, the same way it helped me.

I'm really interested in the way you describe everything here!! you might understand, but it's hard to understand my own writing when I reread it; probably because I'm the one who's been staring at it the entire time, but I'm never sure if I'm correctly conveying the things I want to convey. it always feels like it's falling flat, and I post it anyways, hoping that someone feels something. the idea of it being something physical for readers is incredible to me, I've never heard of that before and i'm just. wow fghjmhgfd.

but I'm also glad to hear that it all feels deeply human in the end, because I think that's a very large portion of why I write. I think I'm trying to share something I've always been unsure of. like inviting everyone over for dinner when you're not sure you'll be able to cook enough, but still wanting to see your friends anyways.

even now finishing this I'm like. did I talk about myself too much? did I actually say anything meaningful? I don't know if I have the words to get across how much this means to me, because I've never heard anything like it. I always appreciate every comment I get, but this is a completely separate level from "I like your writing," this is a full analysis of the way my works make someone feel. and that means so much to me. ngl I've been having a hard time lately, so this especially means a lot to me right now while I've been questioning so much in my life too. not kidding when I say this is probably going on my fridge LMAO.

so thank you. I'm glad you're here too. I'm glad everyone is here with me.

#asks #nobarru #save

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angelsdean · 2 years ago

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People reducing Dean to his anger are apparently lucky human beings, flawless, who never did a mistake in their whole life, never got angry and never had to face loss. I hope they keep having such a perfect life and being example of the perfection of human kind [for legal reasons (which are some people misunderstanding layers of speech) this is sarcasm because no one can be perfect]

welp since i'm obviously not going to sleep yet i'll answer this too.

yea, i mean, i'm not sure if the previous anon i've been speaking with necessarily is reducing dean to his anger, but we do disagree a bit abt what that anger means. i think anger, and even poor choices and actions stemming from that anger (which is really a manifestation of pain and trauma), don't make you "bad." i don't hold hard and fast rules abt these things or pass blanket judgement. everything for me is a case by case scenario full of factors and variables that add context and nuance to a situation. the way i view dean's situation and his experiences give him more empathy points from me. i feel deep compassion for him. i also think some of his feelings and actions are justified. sometimes i think dean could've been meaner. sometimes i think dean deserved to get angrier. i do like that he's flawed and messy and imperfect. it's so very human<3 (like. he's literally meant to represent humanity. i paid attention to the color coding in lazarus rising ok !! dean green of the earth, cas blue of heaven, sam red of hell. and i heard you metatron "he's in love.....with humanity" aka dean)

again, i don't want to put all blame on previous anon because we've been having a pretty civil conversation despite disagreeing on various points. but i know that there ARE a lot of fans out there who DO simply reduce dean to his anger and can't see past it to any goodness or redeeming qualities and to them i'd direct your message because really !!! dean is written in such a complex, layered way. he's more than just the misused phrase of "the angry man." he's more than john's ghost. we are all capable of anger and mistakes and flaws. i would not judge a real life grieving person so harshly, and dean, being fictional as he is, has suffered even more incomprehensible things, from having the fate of the world on his shoulders to enduring 40 yrs in hell. the way i am, i just can't judge him too harshly for not suffering the "right" way or grieving imperfectly or not being a "good victim."

#replies

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randomluck-ofthe-universe · 4 years ago

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I was watching a video where somebody who had been bullied says something along the lines of that being gifted and successful means you will have haters. He also said that haters are actually fans. Rings true for AH too. Before the scandal, every YouTube comment below his videos was about his emotional intelligence, eloquence, articulate speech, insightful perspective, how brilliant a father he seems. So when there was so much backlash, I kept thinking where did all this hate come from? Now I get it. People who write hate comments are projecting their own insecurities. They are mad because they aren't as good as the person they're saying shit about. So when the scandal broke, people found THE ONE thing they could use against the guy. Obviously, this is to be taken in the context until we know both sides of the story.

Now I finally get why everyone decided to believe one random person on the internet over the accounts of numerous people over the past decade who had nothing but good things to speak about the man. I still find it impossible to believe most of the stuff being said about him because how can one fake sincerity and kindness for 10yrs? And not just on camera, but off camera too! Ofcourse people now are mad at him, because they're happy that just like them, he too should be miserable.

So I hope more and more people try to reason it all out. More people try to look at things from a new perspective. I got a bit anxious when the news of the investigation came out or when stuff about the lawyer representing her, but maybe (I hope) it's the set up for his redemption arc. Maybe even with everything looking against his favour, he comes out of it unharmed would just reiterate his innocence. Some day I don't let myself harbour too much hope, that's to protect myself. But most days I let my hopes soar high, because my hope has nothing to do with myself, but everything to do with so many other people.

All's well that ends well. I hope to stick around for the hopeful ending.

Have a great day!

Receiving your message made me regain confidence in people, dear Anon.

Your thoughts are absolutely true, at least they're to me, people often go so easily from worshiping a person to hatred in a such insane way that leaves me baffled, and deeply embittered every time. How can we erase and demolish someone whom until recently we respected and followed with affection without even stopping to reflect about what perfect strangers are telling us, without even asking us some questions about who they really are and what they're selling us as an absolute truth, but above all without even giving the benefit of the doubt to the person who we loved, it's something fuckin incomprehensible to me and honestly disgusts me even a little.

Then you come along and show me that deep down there are still intelligent, sensitive people, with a healthy desire to try to understand what could be beyond appearances, people who reflect and ask themselves questions instead of rushing to condemn and destroy someone just for the taste of feeling less worse than they really are. I fully agree even with the rest of your message as well (about investigations I think at this point they're a good thing inside all this mess cause will contribute to definitively clarify the events), including your need to protect yourself and I believe this says a lot about you.

I think you're a beautiful soul, I'm proud you wanted to share your thoughts and a small part of you with me. Thank you, truly. ❤️

#anons

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this-is-quite-homoerotic · 4 years ago

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Yo! What did you think of the Expectant audio? I think it's the only TW audio that I listened to and thought mmm, that could've been so much more :( I get that it needed to have action and adventure but it kinda felt really obvious that the writer wasn't comfortable with Barrowman's dream. I think I expected better after how good so many audios like Broken have been :(

I’ll forgo spoilers in the first part for those who haven’t listened to the audio but might be interested in seeing a review, but there’ll be spoilers under the cut!

Anon, I agree with you! It definitely could have been so much better. I actually like the concept of the audio a lot, but the execution was... not to my taste, let’s say. To be fair, it really is a matter of taste, I personally didn’t like the humour, it did not mesh well with my sensibilities, though I also think it felt... outdated? I’m talking specifically about the sense of humour here.

The kind of jokes they made felt like something I might have found funny in the early 2000s when I didn’t know any better, before I examined some of the tropes/messages/expectations I’d absorbed from society and media (more about this under the cut because spoilers). The thing that bothered me the most about it was that it felt to me like the humour in it had not caught up to 2020 sensibilities, and Expectant is, first and foremost, a comedy piece. So if the humour’s failing then that’s a big problem.

Your mileage may vary, though, humour is a matter of taste after all. Interestingly, I actually think John Barrowman enjoyed the script and had fun getting to act it out? This is just the impression I got (certainly, he might have played it a bit differently if he didn’t), and I think this might be a generational thing as well as a matter of taste and sense of humour.

Spoilers below

As I said, I actually love the general concept of the audio: Jack, grieving and at a loss for what to do in the face of losing half his team, offers to carry an old alien friend’s child for them when political scheming means the unborn child might be in danger, in the hopes of ensuring the child’s safety, political stability for several planets, and (it is implied) as a symbol of hope that there’s good things in the universe too, not just loss and devastation.

There are obvious obstacles to Jack carrying a pregnancy while still being an active Torchwood agent, which is an interesting and fun thing that’s explored from the first scene: Jack has got used to being immortal and doing his job might well get him killed. Normally this isn’t a problem but if he dies while pregnant the baby can die too. But Torchwood is understaffed and still adapting to being a three-person team, so Jack has agreed to carrying the baby only if he can keep on working.

An interesting premise, vaguely tied in with a big moment from the show and the emotional fallout which wasn’t explored much in the show itself (Tosh and Owen’s deaths and how they affected Jack), some stakes from the get-go, plus a new original alien character (Jonty). So far, so good.

There are two main things that got in the way of me enjoying the audio: 1) how Jack was depicted as being hysterical during the pregnancy (and this being played for laughs), and 2) the indirect fatshaming (literally why, this was so unnecessary).

In the first case, they decided to write Jack as so emotionally unbalanced by the hormonal changes of the pregnancy that he had severe mood swings, with him breaking down crying supposedly triggered by insignificant things (like when he cries over a cupcake? Or something similar, I can’t be bothered to check). Jack having a meltdown would not be a bad thing to explore in an audio, except it felt to me as though they were using it as a joke? Like a “ha ha look how messed up he is by being pregnant, he’s so hormonal and out of control, isn’t that hilarious? Isn’t it so funny that this character is breaking down like a hormonal woman? Isn’t his pain just the funniest thing you’ve heard? :))))” (Sidenote but I also felt like John Barrowman overacted in these scenes, it didn’t sound like he was crying, it sounded like he was play-acting crying, and that didn’t help.)

The second thing was the whole fat camp-style spa subplot. While trying to get Jack to safety, Jonty takes Jack, who is heavily pregnant and showing, to a ““health spa”“ (read: weight-loss place) where Jack is put under a strict unhealthily-restrictive diet (especially given that he’s pregnant??), controlled by the overbearing spa lady (she literally takes food off his hands and watches him like a hawk to make sure he doesn’t “”overeat””), repeatedly fat-shamed, and this is all presented as a funny gag, presumably because he’s not really fat, he’s just pregnant! But people don’t know because he’s male/male-presenting, so all the micro-aggressions and abuse he’s subjected to are funny, right? Jack not being allowed to eat despite being hungry and heavily-pregnant is totally something to laugh at, surely (/s).

Disclaimer: this is not actually portrayed as though the fat-shaming is righteous and just behaviour, it’s sort of implied that the “”health-nuts”“ running the place were obsessive and weird, but that doesn’t change the fact that the whole subplot could have been something else entirely? Like, they obviously thought this was funny. Also, I won’t get into specifics but I am personally sensitive to these issues, so I can definitely see how some people might not be turned off by this at all; as I said, your mileage may vary and this is my own take on it.

So, these are my main issues with the audio. I don’t think the writer was uncomfortable with the concept as you say, Anon; I’d actually argue the opposite. It’s just that their take on it and their sense of humour were maybe not very in-tune with modern sensibilities (or with mine, at least) and the story suffered for it.

They took a look at the idea (a male/male-presenting character being pregnant) and came up with the worst tired comedy tropes for it: mood swings (and the resulting distress) played up for laughs, an emphasis on how big the character got being made fun of/criticised with an incomprehensible fatshaming subplot, they even threw in a reference that Jack’s previous pregnancy (mentioned in his first line in ep 1 of Torchwood) was a student prank (because men being pregnant is funny, I guess). Okay, that last one is a bit unfair, I just didn’t like it. They could have made Jack’s first pregnancy something meaningful (him carrying a friend’s child as a surrogate out of love for that friend, him carrying his own child born out of a relationship, etc.) but instead they made it into a cheap one-liner joke, and yeah it does fit into the tone of the audio, but that’s the problem: I did not like the overall tone of it.

There were some scenes with Ianto that were nice, and a couple of Owen and Tosh mentions that I enjoyed, and it’s interesting that you mention the action and adventure in your ask because I actually didn’t mind those aspects at all? The action was fine with me, it was the non-action parts mostly that bothered me (the emotional tone and sense of humour like I said).

This is probably more thoughts that you wanted but I was quite disappointed with this one (and I was so looking forward to canon mpreg), so I thought I’d take the opportunity to explain why. I do acknowledge that it was a matter of my own sense of humour and sensibilities not meshing well with the writer’s (I just checked and to my shock the writer is a woman; I would have put money on them being a cis man).

This one missed the mark with me. Badly.

#Torchwood #Expectant (Torchwood)#Big Finish releases #meta #asks #my ramblings

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lizacstuff · 4 years ago

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Sen Çal Kapımı / Edser Anon asks for Episode 42

Good asks again for this episode and I got very wordy when answering.

Find asks and answers under the cut...

Anonymous asked: Hey, Liza! How did you like the ep? I loved that Eda was the one to tell him the truth and and also liked how they kept us intrigued about who will tell Serkan, Eda or our private investigators Aydan, Engin and co (although they should have gone to Eda first, it's not their secret after all). I wish, of course, that the writers would show us the scene where Serkan was telling Kiraz those sweet things she mentioned to Eda, but I guess it was done on purpose for the dramatic end of the ep. Why do you think Serkan didn't pick up any clues about his daughter? I mean, Ayse always wrote him as a smart guy. Perhaps, he felt that Kiraz is his but was afraid to face the truth? What do you think? I just hope that we hear Serkan's pov in the next ep!! and they taaaaalk!

I did like a lot of things about the episode, but some parts were a bit frustrating to watch. Not frustrating like the amnesia times where I felt sick and just wanted the episode over, nothing like that. I still enjoyed watching and the time moved quickly, but it was frustrating to watch them both be so DENSE.

Serkan. Come on, the obvious is staring him in the face. As you say, he’s a smart dude, so why isn’t he putting this together? And it was frustrating that we still don’t know anything from his perspective. Why is he the way that he is when it comes to children!?!? That is the question. IF (a big if) they go the route of him not thinking he can have children after his treatments that would go a long way to explaining why it never occurs to him that he’s her father. However, we don’t know if they’re going to go that way or not, if they don’t I guess we’re just supposed to believe he’s so distracted by Eda that he can’t see what’s blatantly obvious to everyone else?

What was even more frustrating, though, was that Eda was so obtuse when it came to Serkan Look, from Eda’s perspective I get the notion of wanting to make sure Serkan would be open to a child before telling him. However, the only thing worse than Serkan finding out about Kiraz and outright rejecting her is Serkan finding out and him being angry at what he’s lost and proving Eda wrong by embracing Kiraz as his own. In that scenario Eda has to face how wrong she’s been and how she’s deprived both Serkan and Kiraz (and herself) of a vitally important relationship. That’s A LOT. So I can see why Eda was invested in Option C: the secret remains intact.

So I think in this episode she was seeing what she wanted to see. Or what the worst version of herself wanted to see. Eda is a very good person, but I think she wanted to find reasons not to tell him in order to justify the lies she’s told. Also I think there was part of her that just couldn’t handle hoping that he would want to be a part of their lives. She wanted to shut it down before he could get any further under her skin.

Any way you slice it, though, her unwillingness to see Serkan and Kiraz’s growing bond is a bit selfish. On the other hand she’s not really thinking straight. She has Serkan back in her life, discombobulating her, engaging her heart, confusing her, bringing up all those old powerful feelings. She has Kiraz pining for her father while forming an attachment with a man who happens to be said father. She has Ayfer, Melo, Burak and even Kerem pressuring her in different ways and Ayfer full on judging her. Plus she has Aydan sniffing around.

With all of that I think we can forgive her for not thinking straight, she must be pretty stressed out. However, that still doesn’t really excuse her actions this ep.

Which brings us to her testing him. Seriously? Putting aside the fact that she’s making the man unwittingly prove to her that he deserves to know something that is his unalienable right to know, what was that test? Let me get this straight, when Eda, who is an experienced single mother, has to take an important call she sends Kiraz away, but when Serkan, who is not experienced with children and not used to them, is on an important call he’s supposed to gracefully navigate having a 5-year-old he barely knows climb all over him? And that’s the litmus test for whether he gets to know he’s a father? A test Eda wouldn’t even take herself? WTF?

So bizarre. So Serkan didn’t pass that test, but Eda also either doesn’t see or refuses to see "good” moments. Serkan is at the pool, pretty much at Kiraz’s command, blowing up her floaties, attempting to fix her hair. The guy doesn’t know what’s going on but he’s still willing to sit there and humor this kid and that should have been enough for Eda. Then she walks up when they’re sitting in the garden and it doesn’t occur to her that for quite some time Serkan Bolat has been successfully entertaining a 5-year-old girl he thinks belongs to Melo. When Eda arrives they are seated together, Kiraz is in good spirits, she’s sitting on an extra cushion, which she clearly didn’t get herself, but this very unSerkan-like moment doesn’t count in Serkan’s favor? Could she have ever imagined Serkan spending that kind of time with a random child? Why is this not registering with her! Oh because she doesn’t want it to.

And again at the end of the episode Eda walked up to find Serkan crouching down on Kiraz’s level having a full conversation with their daughter while no one else was around. But that interaction also doesn’t weigh with her?

So what exactly was Eda wanting to see? Is there even a way Serkan could have unwittingly proven himself? Did he need to say, “Golly gee, Eda, I wish Kiraz was our daughter” in order to unlock the secret level that lets him know he’s a father?

And for this nonsense we must blame the writers. They clearly wanted the dramatic 11th hour reveal from Kiraz that Serkan had been bonding with her and for Eda to make the decision at the last minute to turn back and tell him. But her leaving at all was incomprehensible to me. At the point that she decided to go, Piril had told her that Aydan and Engin were onto her and knew that Kiraz was Serkan’s daughter. Her excuse that if she left maybe they’d forget about it? Has the character of Eda ever uttered a dumber line? No seriously? She thinks Aydan is going to figure out she has a granddaughter, that Serkan’s flesh and blood is out there and she’s going to let it go? Engin too? Good grief, Eda is not that clueless to think her moronic plan would work out. This episode asked for a lot of suspension of disbelief, too much when it came to Eda’s actions.

However, I must say running away is entirely in Eda’s character, she’s done that many times. So, having said all that, I do feel for Eda. She’s raised Kiraz as a single mother and done all of this by herself for a long time. And I can only imagine how disheartening it was to have Serkan aggressively pursuing her all episode, but when they have a real moment on the pier after reading the message in a bottle, he immediately dismisses the idea of having children. In light of what was on her mind, I can see why that was devastating to her and made her want to flee.

The thing is there has to be a reason why Serkan is so adamant. He’s now past whatever depression and PTSD he might have been suffering from after the treatments, and he also now knows what it’s like to actually lose Eda and he knows he wants her back... so why is he still so adamant that he doesn’t want children after wanting them before? We are in desperate need of his perspective on this, and I hope both the audience, and Eda, get it. It’s too cruel to her not knowing why and just thinking he hates the idea of kids with her that much.

Thank goodness Eda got to him to tell him before Engin or Aydan. I’m not sure what either one of them thought they were doing, just going to spring the news on him without putting any thought into it, I guess. Yes, they shouldn’t hide it from him, but the reveal can wait until morning until they can figure out a plan to confront Eda and force her hand or whatever else they need to do.

Those final moments were intense, the dramatic effect they were clearly going for was there. It was such a relief to hear Kiraz tell her mother how she had bonded with Serkan and gotten to know him. That girl is smarter than the rest of them combined, I wouldn't be surprised if she knows. Or at least hopes; there’s a reason she’s so attached to him and that she wanted him to be able to find them. However, it would have been much more impactful if we’d actually seen those moments. Either in real time or as flashbacks when Kiraz is talking. I’m not sure why they didn’t do that.

The final scene struck the right emotional chord for such a heavy confession, and I’m very anxious to see what happens next!

Anonymous asked: Hello, Liza:) What are the things you liked most and least in the episode?

Let’s see...

LIKED

Scenery - The visuals of this season are stunning.

Hande & Kerem - They both continue to delivery great performance and their chemistry is always on fire. They transform every scene given to them to a winner. They were particularly good in the bottle scene.

Edser - I watch this show for their scenes and even when there’s a huge lie and secret between them, their scene are always fun to watch. Loved Serkan suddenly playing aloof after the kiss and loved that Eda couldn’t leave him alone.

Kiraz/Maya - What a joy she is to watch. This could have gone so wrong with an overly precocious child, but she’s so cute and she plays so well off not only Hande and Kerem, but everyone she works with.

Kiraz/Serkan - Every second they’re on screen together is wonderful. PS - All I want from this show is after Kiraz finds out is for her to fasten herself to Serkan koala-hug style and just refuse to let go.

The paternity hijinks -I know, I know, there was too much time spent on supporting characters this episode, but there was some funny stuff when it came to Engin, Erdem, Aydan and Seyfi trying to sleuth their way to the truth. I actually found the mistaken toothbrush to be funny. Come on, Engin, you don’t know your own kid’s toothbrush? I also enjoyed the little nod to shattering gender stereotypes. The melodrama of them believing Engin was the father and accusing him of betraying both Piril and Serkan was dumb but hilarious. Then it got even better with the four of them wrestling each other in slow mo to try to get to the lock of hair first... I laughed out loud.

Pina/Kerem - Cuties. Poor things, they’ll also have to overcome meddling relatives, misunderstandings and miscommunication. I also liked Pina figuring out that Serkan is in love with Eda.

Liked... less

Screen time - I felt the lack of Edser screen time this week. We need more Edser! Much more. It feels like they are not taking the opportunity to let their scenes breath. Each interaction is so short. Hopefully, once we’re past the secret keeping portion they can elongate some of their scenes and not always have one of them rushing away.

Production quality - While there were some beautiful shots this episode, there were a few scenes that were lackluster when it comes to the efforts of the crew. The pool scene is one. I get that they probably planned to shoot that outside in Sile, but weather got in the way and they ended up shooting at an interior in Istanbul, but still, the angles were cramped and they did not make the most of having both Hande and Kerem in the water. Plus they cut the shot of Serkan walking towards her, shirtless and smirking. WHY?

Additionally, the camera angles and editing on the fainting scene were pretty subpar. We got a better view of that scene from the fan hiding behind a wall with an iphone! From said fan we can see that the crew would have had plenty of room to move and to get proper angles, but instead we got a 30 second scene where they didn’t make use of the setting, the camera was so zoomed in you couldn’t see anything and still their faces were pretty obscured. Not Altan, Hakan and crew’s best work, that’s for sure.

Eda’s lies, tests and leaving - I chronicled this above, but the show isn’t doing her any favors. I think the writers think they are making her sympathetic (they are to a certain degree) but it’s not enough to justify her behavior. I’m really excited to get past this phase and hopefully to one where she’s not trapped in lies to the people she loves most.

Ayfer - Can she stay in Sile when the action moves back to Istanbul? Or better yet go back to Italy? She is absolutely insufferable and when she was smugly smiling and telling Serkan he’d missed Eda I wanted to slap her across the face. At least Eda finally got tetchy with her when she was continuously pushing her towards Burak. Eda was right! Burak can see that Eda isn’t interested in him, why can’t Ayfer and Melo see it?

Burak - Seriously this dude has the charisma of a paper weight. I still can’t wrap my head around him thinking he has a shot with someone like Eda. And what was his little squirmish with Serkan? Like, dude, you have no idea of the history and dynamics at work, you also have no idea who you’re dealing with, but if you’re going to start something at least see it through. Instead he slinks away after making a few haughty remarks under his breath. Real tough. So far he’s not good enough for Melo, so I don’t know how they’re going to make him interesting enough for her.

Anonymous asked: hi! do you like how Serkan's character shown this season? tbh I expected at least some of his pov explained, not just "we don't need to have kids, Eda," "my work is my only responsibility," etc. As to his "infamous" line in the fragman, I hope it is taken out of context and will lead to a meaningful conversation between EdSer about Serkan's genuine fears (cause c'mon, finding out that you have a 5-year-old kid is kinda overwhelming), but I don't trust writers anymore lol. They keep picturing Serkan as a bad guy. How do you think he will react and act in the next epi?

I don’t think they are depicting him as the bad guy. I mean are you walking away from the episodes thinking he’s the bad guy? I’m not. In the flashbacks, there were some when he was upset and angry and clearly they’ve let us know he’s the reason they separated, but it’s also been clear that there’s more to the story we just haven’t heard it yet.

Agreed that we’re over due for his POV and an explanation of why he did what he did, but I have to assume it’s coming in the next episode. In that episode he’s going to be grappling with a pretty huge thing, he’s just learned a secret that will turn his life upside down. And as anxious as we’ve been to find out why he broke up with Eda, learning he’s a father is probably the perfect time to flashback and tell us why he abruptly decided he didn’t want a family with her all those years ago and set all of this in motion.

There has to be a reason, and I think we’ll find out this week. If we don’t, then the writers will have pushed it too far. However, Ayse answered a tweet a few weeks ago saying that she loved Serkan as much as Eda and that he has reasons too. So fingers crossed we find out what those reasons are sooner rather than later.

Anonymous asked: so I've really tried to remain neutral here because I know they both had their reasons during the breakup but in this last episode, Eda kinda rubbed me the wrong way and while sure it was her right to tell Serkan the secret, I was rooting for Aydan and Engin to do it by the end because she really was about to escape town without saying anything until our sweet Kiraz spilled last minute. I didn't care who told him at that point, I just needed SOMEONE to!

This is an understandable reaction. The writers really did Eda no favors this episode. I guess this episode was her journey to accepting the fact that Serkan is back in her life and will need to know about their daughter. And her daughter deserves to know about Serkan. She’s been living a huge lie for 5 years, so it’s a bit understandable that she’s having trouble letting it go. They just got a little clumsy telling that story.

But we love Eda, we won’t hold it against her, will we?

Anonymous asked: Can we talk about how this 5-yr-old girl is the one who understands Serkan the most? and they just met? and they don't know they're related? she wanted him to find her?!?!! and when Eda tried to tell her that Serkan didn't care about her, she gave the best clapback and defended her dad. 👏 She is the true hero of this love!

She is the true hero of their family! Leaving her shoe for him to find, being able to articulate to her mother how he really did take an interest in her, got to know her, and even confided in her. Smart girl. She was able to see what her mother could or would not.

Kiraz does seem to understand him and his gruffness doesn’t faze her at all, on the contrary she just stands up to him and gives the sass back to him. Like I said last week, he challenges her in a way she’s not used to because all the adults in her life just let her run wild with little discipline or accountability and just give her whatever she wants. But she also challenges him in a big way, and in the next episode I think we’ll see him facing her existence as the biggest challenge of his life.

The scene when Serkan teaches her how to apologize (the irony!) and make amends was especially great. As we saw in the season premiere when Burak was dismissive and haughty with a customer rather than rightly reminding Kiraz to apologize for knocking over Serkan’s water, Kiraz, as I said above, is surrounded by adults that dote, but think she does no wrong so they don’t always model proper behavior. What a relief to see a contrite Kiraz and Serkan being patient and taking the time with her. And the hug! Awwww. “Are we really strangers, Serkan Bolat?” was a perfect line.

Anonymous asked: Heey! What are your thoughts on the fragman? Cause now I'm a bit afraid to watch the next ep... but I think Serkan can be understood; like day ago he told Eda that they didn't need kids, so I guess it would be weird if he was all excited to know that they have a daughter. But idk... I just want Kiraz to have her dad back with her, she wants him so much!!! and the girl is so smart, like I know that is unlikely, but I think she figured it out on her own that Serkan might be her dad! Offf, I love her. I just hope Serkan's "I'm not ready to be a dad" is in the first half of the epi, and then it is him being afraid but doing his best to get close to Kiraz cause we already saw how he liked her. After all, it seems like the end of the epi will be Kiraz's b-day, and Nesli said that the end will be very sweet and emotional.

I think the next episode is Serkan’s story of becoming a father, and by the end of the episode we’ll see him stepping up and accepting his role and hopefully fully embracing it.

We’ll see how he reacts but at some point he obviously says, “I’m not ready to be a father.” I just hope it’s more, “I’m not ready to be a father, so let’s hold off on telling Kiraz for now” and not “I’m not ready to be a father, so I’m planning on ghosting the both of you.” My guess is that scene is maybe midway through the episode? Like maybe he finds out, freaks out, then he decides it’s too much right now, and says that to Eda, but by the end he figures out his business and thus the sweet and emotional ending. I mean what else could a sweet and emotional ending be for an episode about Serkan finding out he’s a father?

We also know from the IG live on premiere day that Kerem was out of sorts and in a bad mood after filming an “intense” scene for this episode, and that Hande’s hair in that live matches her hair in the “I’m not ready to be a father scene.” So that’s either the scene or a scene probably before or after it on the same day, so I think we’ll need to emotionally prepare to be put through the wringer. However, I don’t think there’s anything to fear in watching it. This season’s storyline is about them becoming a family, so just remember that’s what’s going to happen

As for Serkan’s mindset, it’s understandable if at first he feels overwhelmed and not up to the job. This is a man who did not have a good father role model, doesn't think he’s worthy of love, and finding out Eda had their child and didn’t tell him is going to make him think that Eda doesn’t think he’s worthy either. Think of that from his perspective, he might have pushed her away and said he didn’t want children, but she is the one who decided that their daughter would be better off not knowing him. At least that’s how he’s probably going to take her secrecy, and I can’t really blame him for that. That would be a blow to anyone, but Serkan Bolat will take it especially hard. After all she actually loved him and knew him best, so if that person doesn’t think he’s fit, that’s not going to help his confidence or allow him to think he has anything to offer a child.

Obviously he’ll come around and quickly in the scheme of things, it’s just going to take approximately 2 hours for him to do it.

#Sen Çal Kapımı #Sen Cal Kapimi #Edser #sckask #sck episode discussion #edser discussion #asklizac #sck 2x03 #sck 2x42 #anonymous #serkan bolat #eda yıldız

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citruscloudsandmoon · 4 years ago

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HI!!!

Nice to meet you.

I love your blog veeeeery much, thank you for your all posts!!

Recently I’m really into Lxmisa, but actually I’m beginner of this ship and this app(Tumblr).

So I didn’t know how to enjoy this ship’s illustration and novels, but I met you!!!

Thank you for sharing a lot of lxmisa fanfictions. Thanks to you, I’m enjoying my lxmisa life!! Lol

Also, I’ve read your fanfics also.

It was amazing, I love that novel from the beginning to the end!!😭😭 just reading the depiction they’re walking side by side made me excited!! Lol 🥰 thank you for creating such a cute story!!

I’m so happy to see a person like you in this app, love!! 🥰

Sorry for such a long message, and I apologize if my English is incomprehensible😭

Anon......you are making me blush........i......

I am so humbled and so grateful for the fact that my blog took care of lxmisa needs and that you love it. Nothing could be more honorable than that T_T

THANK YOU SO MUCH DEAR ANON FOR LEAVING SUCH KIND COMPLIMENTS!!! <3 <3 <3 :* They totally made my day when i was stressed out AF T_T :’(

And chill! your english is more than fine! it isn’t my first lingo either ;) You sit just tight because i got more stuff for our beloved couple <3 ^w^

#ask me?#i am not kidding you #but i really was stressed and struck in shit for the past two weeks #this ask honestly cheered me up T_T #like THANK YOU SO MUCH ANON!!! <3 <3 :*#and don't you worry #noni is so going to take care of your lxmisa needs :'D <3 #they are babies <3 #lxmisa #l x misa #otp: i think i just met my wife #death note

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ziracona · 4 years ago

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hoh I'm really sorry friend but you got Talbot's backstory kinda muddled. Some things you stated that he did, he didn't actually do for the reasons you stated. He didn't experiment on killers just for fun -- he ran from them. they hunted him. he experimented on them to find a dosage right for himself. he also didn't experiment on an animal for fun. it was dead. Vigo apparently talked about escaping and it had to do with serum. Its why he injected himself after tests. He wanted a way out.

I’m going to answer this in two parts since it’s stated in two. First, friend, I am going to have to operate on the assumption that you have very very strong feelings about Talbot and assume everything said against him is pretty much the same after a glance or something like it, because I never once said he experiments on the killers for fun. I said the Entity I think lets Talbot experiment on other killers now that he is one too as “punishment for them and fun research times for Talbot,” not that Talbot experiments on them for fun. I think he does enjoy doing his scientific research, but that aside, the above is just a description of the Entity’s reasoning in letting him do that/its POV. I certainly never said he does it ‘just for fun’. In fact, I explicitly stated his motivation for becoming a killer was to attempt to protect himself. I have to assume you didn’t really read my post at all, or perhaps got it confused with another. I know my shit. I read up. Though it is true I say ‘animals’ when, while he canonically experiments on both rats and crows, only the one rat happened for sure before he moved on to the Trapper. Although, that’s kind of worse... Again though, I never once said he did any of this for fun. I know he injected people to see what the serum would do, in a very reckless and poorly thought attempt to escape the realm. I explicitly mention this. Perhaps you are confused because I describe him as torturing people, and he’s not just doing pain for fun--this is because torture is not limited to only pain inflicted on someone out of cruelty or a desire to manipulate them. The dictionary definition of the verb, to torture, is “To cause intense suffering. To torment”. And he absolutely tortures killers, survivors, and reanimated realm animals alike as a means to his own ends. Also, the Entity has not erased all his memories--I know the archives has some memory deterioration lore added, but much of what he did to others happened well before any of that began, and explicitly some of his own addons mention things he explicitly remembers. The Entity did of course leave him to suffer in the void, with is a form of torture, and used the medical affects of blight itself to help manipulate him. Unfortunately, being hurt yourself doesn’t excuse you from the responsibility of what horrors you inflict on other people.

For part two, I am sure my answer is coming off as a bit abrasive. I appreciate the apology, but yes, it is rather rude. Even without the lack of attention to detail. Let me try to say this more fairly though, because I don’t know you at all, and in all likelihood, you’re a very nice and decent person who doesn’t mean anything by this, and simply has deep feelings about this character. Also, this isn’t all directed just at you, but to some degree at everybody who has sent me one of these in the past, or will in the future, which I am very tired of. I am going to quit answering most of them from here on.

First of all, I understand feeling deeply about a character or topic. I understand being frustrated or even hurt when you see opinions that distress you, or seem unjust compared to what you believe. That’s natural, and even sweet. And I am all for talking about how you feel and think and why, and leaving that in the tags so other people might hear what you have to say. Even for messaging people to see if they want to have a discussion with you. It’s endearing when people love things and want to fight for them. I only describe Talbot as more interesting than many of the others, because I was not asked specifically about my sympathy level, and it doesn’t factor high in importance to me where he is concerned, but you’re not wrong that Talbot is more sympathetic--or, at least, depending on interpretation, much more capable of being written sympathetic while adhering to canon--than many of the other killers. That said, he’s also--completely in line with canon--interpretable as pretty monstrous. I don’t think I necessarily paint him heavily either direction. Simply I personally feel fairly little sympathy for someone who commits the kinds of dehumanizing acts of scientific research torture on war prisoners without a second thought, ignores the consequences of his actions, and so quickly casts his humanity aside when in tribulation. He devolves from someone who could have changed and been good, to a man who is a horrific monster and cares only for him self, with no lines he will not cross (his own words, and pre-killer even). And to some people, that is tragic. To me, I feel little kinship for the man he was before, and am simply disappointed in him for failing so easily and completely. I can see why someone might interpret his character quite differently, but my take is just as valid in line with canon, and it’s mine.

I don’t mind people telling me their thoughts, and I don’t mind reading takes in the tags. And again, I very much understand the desire to stand up for something you care about if you feel it is wronged. But that’s not really what you’ve done here, messaging me on anonymous. To the best of my knowledge, I have never even interacted with you before. You didn’t open a discussion with me; you talked down to me, and you decided to argue with me about a topic I did not invite anyone into debate with myself. I am not an opinion blog, or a discussion blog. I am a personal blog. But still, you were discontent to not go into my space and try to scold me about my own opinions as a stranger. And you did all of it on anonymous, where there is no tag attaching anything you said even to your online persona, and no way for me to even be assured of you seeing an answer, or entering any dialogue with me. Which means that the goal, subconsciously probably since I know nothing at all about you and have no reason at all to think you’re anything but a decent person who is a bit carried away today with love for Talbot Grimes, but still the goal, was never to have a dialogue with me in the hopes maybe I would see and like your reasoning and we could talk about something we both have an interest in. It was that you felt so entitled to dictate someone you don’t know’s opinion about something they disagree with you on, that you felt compelled to leave a missive instructing me to correct my wrongs in my inbox.

Which, well, is rude.

This is probably a bit more, uh, ‘icy’? Than is totally necessary. I really am not angry at all; I understand you probably had no real ill will towards me doing this. I just have this happen a lot, and I am tired of it, so I want an easy frame of reference to link back to for why I find this behavior rude and cowardly and an unasked for nuisance--badly intentioned consciously or not. I truly am sorry if this makes you feel bad or distressed to read, especially if you’re a younger fan. I truly am not mad at you--and I do not at all think or mean to imply you are a bad person. Everybody is occasionally thoughtless. It’s not remotely representative of character. But please don’t keep doing this to people who aren’t interested in a debate. And if you believe in something enough you want to take the discussion to someone else, sign your name to it. If you feel enough conviction to make something someone else’s problem, make it your problem for real too. I’m truly not mad though, and wish you the best.

(and my ‘if you are annoyed by this or any of my other personal opinions and desperately want me to read your thoughts on anon about that’ requirements below the cut)

It’s literally not worth my time to read anon hate or people upset I don’t like a serial killer, so if you for some wild incomprehensible reason really feel a need to see me read that and answer to you instead of just delete and/or block without a look, then either leave my $5 on my Kofi, or get used to knowing I didn’t even read it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I have to actually get paid to not file that shit under ‘I’m not paid enough to deal with this’.

#ask #anonymous #dead by daylight #talbot grimes #the blight #again Anon I know this might read very abrasive to you. Legit the only emotion I am feeling is mild annoyance #You're not a bad person for mildly annoying me and please don't feel too bad or dwell on this if u even #read it & care. Just. Please don't keep doing this to people #Anonymous

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aspiring-ginger · 5 years ago

Text

Sweet Wine (Jaskier x Reader)

Request: Hey! I love The Witcher too!! Could you write another Jaskier fic? I just finished the series last night and I was SO EMO for Jaskier in ep 6 😭 Could you do Jaskier x Female Reader where the reader gets really sick of hearing people make fun of his singing, so she very drunkenly and loudly defends him in the middle of a crowded tavern, also accidentally admitting her raging crush on him in front of everyone?

Warnings: Language

Word count: 1,769

Pairing(s): Jaskier x fem!reader (The Witcher)

A/N: I had a lot of fun with this one! I hope this is what you had in mind, anon! There’s never too many Jaskier fics 💜

Comments and feedback are always appreciated!

Taglist: @thunderdog8 , @dreaming-about-starfleet , @dandelionwitcher

Masterlist

It was nights like these that, although some might not like to admit it (ehm, Geralt), were everyone’s favorites. Starting out with (Y/n) and Jaskier pestering the Witcher to stop at an inn for the night instead of camping and Geralt reluctantly agreeing, also biting back a smile at their antics, which lead to the joyful singing from the rest of the party as they traveled. Jaskier’s cheerful voice mixing with yours.

(Y/n) would be left in charge of steering Jaskier’s horse while he sat behind her, back to back, with lute in hand. Which, eventually, would always lead to him falling off. (Y/n)’s side splitting open in laughter, while Geralt allowed himself to laugh as well. Jaskier’s sore bottom was nothing compared to the sound of his dear friends’ laughter.

Lunch would pass rather quickly- Jaskier spending the whole time fantasizing about what ‘delicacies’ they would be eating for dinner and what the signature brews of the next establishment might be. As always, Geralt would grumble something about ‘booze is booze’ and he was going to drink whatever they had, and (Y/n) would laugh and lament the sweet dessert wines she craved, yet those were usually only found at banquets and parties. Unfortunately for her, and fortunately for Geralt, they wouldn’t be going to any of those in the foreseeable future.

Once in town the three would slip into their familiar routine of attending to whatever matters each might have. Geralt went looking for contracts, (Y/n) looking for herbs, and Jaskier securing their rooms. They would all return in just in time for supper and Jaskier’s performances.

Tonight was just like every other night like it had been, except there were a few exceptions. This tavern was particularly crowded and rowdy. Geralt and (Y/n) shared worried glances over their stew as this could mean trouble for their bard, but he seemed to have it under control. This quickly slipped from their minds anyway- the tavern offered one of (Y/n)’s favorite sweet wines. Geralt was now babysitting two overgrown children.

It wasn’t that (Y/n) couldn’t hold her liquor, not at all. In fact, she could give Geralt a run for his money on most days. If it weren’t for his mutations, she would probably have him beat. But that was most days, where all they drank was the local piss. This was something she enjoyed drinking, and when something tastes that good- it’s easy to forget just how many glasses you’ve consumed. So she sat at their table, merrily clapping and slurring along to Jaskier’s tunes. The rest of the patrons seemed to be in a good mood, so all was going well.

Glancing down (Y/n) realized her mug was empty and stood up, rather abruptly and nearly spilling the rest of Geralt’s stew, to get another. It was only her second and they had plenty of coin, although Geralt’s count was at five. He rolled his eyes and let her stumble to the bar, smiling into his own ale. It wasn’t often his companions got to enjoy themselves like this. Plus, his warnings of slowing down fell on deaf ears, so it wasn’t his fault if she had a major hangover the next day.

(Y/n) waited patiently for her drink, tapping one foot to the beat as she watched her favorite bard. She found it hard not to, as he was so very distracting. His voice rang throughout the whole tavern, and he kept dancing in and out of her vision. Heads turned in his direction as he spun this way and that. She sighed and rested her cheek in her hand. (Y/n) swore he looked ethereal. The gentle flickering of firelight glinted off of his newly washed hair, the small bit in the front bobbing up and down as he moved. His bright blue eyes sparkled, full of energy and life, eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled. And gods, when he smiled, he took her breath away. The whole world seemed to melt away as she locked eyes with Jaskier, his smile growing wider and a wink was thrown her way. (Y/n)’s heart skipped a beat.

She was broken out of her stupor when a fresh mug slid her way and splashed her sleeve. She greedily took another drink not wanting to seem like she was staring too long. A satisfied hum escaped her lips as she put her wine back down, when something caught her attention. There was laughter off to her left, sounding much harsher than it should have. Listening in, she picked out what seemed like three men, all jeering at and mocking the bard. It immediately irked her, how could they not see that the embodiment of perfection itself was currently performing for them, putting his heart into every single note and phrase? (Y/n) glanced back over to Geralt, looking to see what his expression could tell. Though he said otherwise, she sometimes caught him quietly humming or tapping along to Jaskier’s songs. Geralt did not look this way. He was not enjoying himself in the slightest, his eyes formed into a hard glare and he looked bored. So very bored. (Y/n)’s head whipped back to the left as she heard the cruel laughter again, the men now beginning to heckle the poor bard.

Jaskier finished his song. He gave a dramatic bow as the tavern cheered and clapped, but the rowdy table of men began to boo and toss chunks of bread in his direction. There was no way (Y/n) would let them talk shit about her bard.

“Oi!” She shouted, her stool clattering to the floor as she stood. “You better watch your fucking mouths, you dimwits!”

Jaskier’s smile faltered and he looked to (Y/n) with wide eyes. Geralt clenched his jaw and prepared for the worst. Somehow, their nights drinking always ended in a bar fight. One of the men stood up, his beady eyes narrowing at (Y/n).

“Oh yeah? You sure got some mouth on you then, sweetheart. What you gonna do about it, eh? Stupid woman you are.” His buddies joined in on his laughter.

Her nostrils flared, and there was a fire in her eyes. “Do you even know who you’re listening to? Who you should be sodding grateful you could even hear his music? This is Jaskier, the world famous bard. Also known as Julian Alfred Pankratz, Viscount of fucking Lettenhove.” She pounded her fist on the bar and nearby drinks sloshed at the impact. “He graduated from Oxenfurt Academy with honors. He travels with a witcher, fucking Geralt of Rivia. Ever heard of them? Oh well of course not. How could a small town idiot know anything of celebrities and lords when he spends all his time fucking sheep in piles of shit?”

“What the fuck you know about our town, bitch?! You obviously don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. It’s clear your bard here prefers the company of men, so you need real men like us to show you how it's done, you filthy whore!” He spat.

“So fucking what if he likes men or women? He’s great in bed! Everyone knows that and everyone wants to bed him! Hell, I want to bed him! His perfect chocolate hair and blue eyes and amazing voice and...argh!” She grabbed her mug and threw it at the man. She stumbled slightly but her aim proved true, splashing sticky her sticky wine all over the beady eyed man. “He’s the best fucking musician I’ve ever heard! Nobody gives him the credit he deserves!”

Geralt shot up from his seat and leapt at the man, who roared in anger and was about to attack. Jaskier stared in shock at the scene unfolding in front of his eyes.

“(Y/n)!” Geralt yelled, “That’s enough! Jaskier, get her upstairs!” He began wrestling with the man, Geralt easily had the upper hand due to his greater size and sobriety.

“No! Nobody is appreciating Jaskier like they should!” (Y/n) slurred. Jaskier slung his lute on his back and rushed over to her.

“Shhhhhh, it’s okay, dear. I think they all get the message now. You’ve made it very clear how good of a performer you think I am, it’s alright. Let’s get you upstairs, shall we? I think you’ve had far too much to drink.” He attempted to calm her, struggling to lead her back in the direction of the stairs. (Y/n) thrashed and stumbled against him in protest. “Shh sh sh sh shhhhh, (Y/n). It’s alright. C’mon.” He grunted as he slung her arm around his back to support her weight.

Geralt was busy dragging the unsavory man outside as the rest of the tavern was no longer silent. Cheers were heard for both the witcher and the drunk, though it was clear who was winning. (Y/n) stumbled up the stairs with Jaskier’s help. They stopped a couple times as she began to veer off to the right, straight into the wall and Jaskier needed to tug her back for balance.

After some struggle the two finally made it all the way up the stairs and into one of their rooms. Jaskier led (Y/n) over to the bed and tried to gently place her down, instead throwing her against it rather ungracefully. He rubbed his shoulder and sighed, bending down to begin to unlace her boots.

“Ya know...I meant everything I said down there.” She began, eyes already heavy, “I’m sorry that I ruined your show…”

Jaskier laughed in response. “It’s alright….We’ll...We’ll talk about this in the morning, okay? I think we need to have a conversation when we both have our wits about us, hm?” He fetched a mug of water and placed it on the table beside her bed.

“You won’t leave me, will you?”

“Of course not, (Y/n). I’ll stay.”

“Mmmm...okay.” She snuggled into the pillows, her speech almost incomprehensible. “I love you, you silly bard.”

Jaskier pulled a chair close to the bed and sat down with a sigh, unable to hide his grin.

“And I, you. Now get some sleep. We can talk about this when you wake up.”

Whatever it is she said next, he couldn’t make it out, it sounded more like a groan than actual speech.

“And I, you...” He settled into the chair, removing his doublet and draping it around himself like a blanket. The smile remained on his face as he drifted off to sleep.

Taglist and Requests are open!

#jaskier x reader #jaskier imagine #dandelion #dandelion imagine #dandelion x reader #dandelion x you #jaskier x you #the witcher #the witcher imagine #The witcher fanfiction #the witcher x reader #the witcher netflix #the witcher netflix x reader #the witcher netflix imagine #the witcher netflix x you #my writing #request #anon request #anon

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evakuality · 5 years ago

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Hi. Can I have 33 for Davenzi please?

Ah anon, thank you for sending this. For you, it’s chapter 5 of the ongoing saga of the ring. The rest of these chapters can be found on Ao3 or starting here on tumblr.

Rings, Riddles and Revenge. Chapter Five:“Are you sure that’s the decision you want to make?”Matteo

It’s several long days between their date at the market and the time when Matteo is able to see David again. They’re both working, their hours incompatible, and the dizzying promise that had ended their time together that day stretches thin as the days pass. On the plus side, when they’d separated after the market David had squeezed Matteo’s hand and pressed a tiny kiss to his cheek, one that had left his chest warm and his knees weak.

And, stupid as it was, that has been enough to sustain Matteo through these days of separation. There have also been texts, messages filled with memes, jokes, stupid thoughts. Any thought that this is just a customer service thing have long gone. But despite the hand holding and the cheek kissing, Matteo still isn’t exactly sure what David wants. Nothing in the messages has suggested anything more than friendship, so while the memory of that kiss is still fresh on his skin, Matteo wants more. Wants to stop hoping. Wants to know.

Ring’s been valued, he sends to David once he’s heard from Sonja again. This is a safe way to see David again. Gives them both an out if either of them (David …) has changed his mind about what happened at the market. Want to go with me to pick it up?

Definitely, David sends back. Sonja would kill me if I didn’t.

Can’t have that, Matteo responds, smiling at his phone as if David can see him. I’m the only one allowed to murder you.

He gets an irritated eyeroll emoji back and grins. Making David groan fondly has rapidly become one of Matteo’s favorite things, and he can hear that groan in the speed with which that message flies back.

I’m going in this afternoon. About 4.

David’s agreement to the time is swift, along with another suggestion to meet at the market, and Matteo once again feels the dizzy happiness that he might want to see Matteo again as much as Matteo wants to see him. That the imposed separation has been just as hard for him.

He’s pacing while he waits for David to appear, nerves getting the better of him. He’s nervous both to see how David will act when they meet again and because he’s scared that whatever he hears about the ring will be something that will be difficult to hear. He snorts softly to himself, amused at his own wavering. Part of him wants it to be worth so much that it really would be an effective way to say ‘fuck you’ to his father. The other part of him wants to keep it, and hopes it’s worth nothing other than sentiment.

Matteo checks his phone for roughly the hundredth time since he got here. David’s late. Again. The thought sets Matteo’s feet into their anxious pacing again, and he decides to buy a coffee, partly to pass the time and partly to have something to do with his hands and feet to stop this impatient nervous stress. He’s just paid and stepped to the side to wait while they make it when he feels hands over his eyes and smells a familiar scent. He grins, turns towards David.

“Couldn’t wait for me, huh?” David teases.

Matteo shrugs, grins. “Well if you’re going to be late you have to expect these things.” He nods towards the coffee stand. “Just trying to stave off my murderous impulses for your benefit.”

David gives him what Matteo is starting to think of as his look, the fondly amused and yet exasperated one. It makes him smile fondly in his own turn, feeling lighter. There’s all sorts of promise in that look, and his body relaxes as he realizes that David’s going to pick up pretty much where they left off. That there’s still the same frisson there between them, the same giddy sense of promise and a future.

His order is called, so he takes the coffee that’s proferred to him then and falls into step beside David as they make their way back to Sonja’s store. This time the journey is filled with an ease that wasn’t present last time. There’s no hand holding, but their shoulders bump as they walk and their laughter rings out as they push open the door.

“My favorite customer!” Sonja calls when she sees them.

“Always happy to help,” David says, giving an exaggerated bow, and she gives him a fake scowl.

“I wasn’t talking about you,” she retorts, pushing him aside and smiling at Matteo. “Matteo, owner of my whole entire heart,” she starts again, “this ring is the single best thing that’s come my way in a very long time.”

He blinks at her, unsure what she means. She grins at him, and grabs a piece of paper with similarly incomprehensible writing on it as the one David had shown him all those long days ago. Matteo looks at it, frowning, not sure what he’s supposed to be seeing, and she laughs.

“There.” She points to a figure, one which makes his eyes widen and his mouth drop open. It’s a lot bigger than he’d expected. Not as big as the one his father always bandied about when he boasted about the ring and its worth, of course, but big enough. It would definitely help in a lot of ways.

“Wow,” he says, staring at the paper. “That’s … wow.”

Sonja nods when he looks back up at her. “So,” she says quietly. “You want me to sell it for you?”

“I … yeah,” Matteo says, looking back at the number with a lump rising in his throat. It’s so much money that the obvious answer is a no brainer. “I guess I should.”

“Are you sure that’s the decision you want to make?” David asks, coming up beside him and pressing a gentle hand to his back. “No offence, but you don’t seem all that enthusiastic.”

Matteo draws in a shaky breath and smiles at him, his body attuned to the warmth bleeding through from David’s fingers where they linger on the small of his back. “Honestly? I don’t know. My mother managed to find some other funding, and it’s just enough for her treatment … if we’re careful, anyway.” He sighs, looking back at the paper again. “I feel like I should do this. But …”

“But you don’t really want to?” Sonja cuts in gently. “It was already kind of obvious when you were here before.”

Matteo can sense her disappointment, and he feels guilty. It might be his ring, but he can tell how much care both David and Sonja have for it, for this job. How much they both want to see this through to a conclusion. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to go to this trouble just for me to be such a dick about it.”

Sonja smiles, gently. “Hey, no,” she says. “It’s no trouble. And anyway,” she says, grinning at him again, “you’re paying for the valuation. So I already win.”

Beside him, David laughs. “If you still want to use it to say ‘fuck you’ and get your revenge on your dad, you can always tell him it’s a fake. Just maybe leave out the bit where it’s still worth quite a bit.”

Matteo can feel something unclench from around his heart. He smiles back. “That’s true. There’s more than one way to say ‘fuck you’ to someone.”

David

David watches as Matteo blows a final breath out and looks up at Sonja. He runs his fingers through his hair again, the habit such an integral part of how david sees him that it sets a familiar ache into his chest. It’s obvious Matteo’s torn about what to do, unsure that his decision really is the right one, and yet he seems lighter somehow when he reaches out and picks the ring box up gently and places it in his pocket. He takes the piece of paper with the valuation on it and runs his fingers over it, hesitating over the number printed in bold type. His eyes roam the paper, coming to rest again and again on that number, clearly weighing it up, making sure. It’s so Matteo that David can’t keep the small smile off his own face. Then, with a firm and hurried movement, he folds it into a tiny square and shoves in the same pocket as the ring.

“You okay?” David asks quietly and Matteo nods, turning his head to smile over at him.

“Yeah,” he says, with a glance back at Sonja, and a nod of acknowledgement. “I can always bring it in if it turns out I need to sell it.”

“That’s true,” she agrees with another of her famous smiles. David can tell that she likes Matteo by the way she does that. It’s genuine, this smile, not her usual service facade. David can’t blame her; he likes Matteo a lot too. There’s something appealing about the vulnerability and sensitivity he often shows when combined with the cheeky impulsiveness that comes out when he’s relaxed. The initial pull he’d felt is nothing compared to what he feels now; sometimes David wonders what it might be like once they’ve known each other even longer.

They say a cheery goodbye to Sonja and head out of the store, walking slowly with no real destination in mind. David swears to himself that he won’t leave it months again before he returns to see Sonja; he’d forgotten how much he likes her, and he misses the way she talks, the passion she has for her job. Still, he’s not all that desperate to keep thinking about her. No. He has Matteo by his side, and now that the entire ring business is over there’s no customer thing between them anymore. Nothing to stop him from doing what he’s wanted to almost since the day he met Matteo.

“So,” he says, stopping them in their tracks and turning to look at Matteo. “What do you want to do?”

A tiny smile flickers in the corners of Matteo’s mouth, warming David. He may not have known Matteo for long, but he’s learned how to read him, at least in this way. That’s his ‘I’m happy but I don’t want to show it’ smile. The one he wears when things are truly getting to him, in a good way. It’s a good sign, David thinks, that he’s wearing that look when David is asking to stay with him for a while longer. The smile soon disappears into a solemn look as Matteo pretends to think carefully.

“I think I might go home and admire this very expensive ring I’m the proud owner of,” he says.

David rolls his eyes and bumps his shoulder. “If you really want to be alone with your ring that much, I probably shouldn’t get in between true love.”

He expects Matteo to laugh, to poke some sort of fun back, to tease and give out some playful banter. Istead, Matteo stills. His eyes become pensive, and the smile is back, but more firmly this time. “Honestly?” he says, his eyes the bluest David has ever seen them. “What I want to do is just something with you.”

His lip is suddenly drawn in between his teeth, and he’s looking away. He’s worried, then, that David doesn’t want the same. It’s adorable, this nervousness and David can’t keep his own grin off his face.

“Okay,” he says softly. “We’ll do that, then. I want that too.”

Matteo’s eyes are suddenly back on him, and the smile this time can’t be contained. It flows over his face, is reflected in his eyes and the lightness of his body. And all David wants is to kiss him. At this point he thinks that his hangup on the last date was ridiculous. It’s not like dating customers is forbidden, even if it’s not strictly encouraged either. And it’s not even like Matteo was still a customer once David was taking him to see Sonja. So it’s taken far too long to get to this point, far too much carefulness and standing back. It’s time to get past all of that. Fuck it, David thinks, looking into those eyes, and surges forward.

His lips on Matteo’s. It’s everything he’s dreamed of, the simmering tension between them bursting into joyful life in that moment. His fingers drift of their own accord up to Matteo’s face, and he tilts in so he can deepen the kiss. He feels more than hears Matteo’s humming gasp against his lips and he smiles, breaking the connection.

Their foreheads remain touching, their breaths mingling. David can’t quite remember ever feeling this way. Like he’s floating but grounded all at once. Like he’s filled with the entire world’s riches, but is centred in one small piece of it. He can’t contain his smile, lets his fingers trail up to Matteo’s ear, relishing being able to touch and taste every part of his face this way.

“Wow,” Matteo says, quietly, his own hands resting on David’s neck and sending shivers of delight through him every time they run soft circles.

“Yeah,” David agrees, laughing. “Wow.”

This time when Matteo takes David’s hand and they start to walk, it’s not all about promise and hope, a fragile thing that was easily shattered. This time, it’s about fulfillment and connection. This time, something has started, something solid and real, and David feels all the excitement of that fresh beginning. The saga of Matteo’s ring may be over, but the story of Matteo and David is only just beginning.

#druck #davenzi #my fic stuff #my ask stuff #my prompt stuff #Anonymous

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deveharrington · 6 years ago

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[8 new theories] + Response to anon: On the way David uses his words, his masks, and his social intuition (or lack thereof).

📬

Anonymous:

I wanted to say thanks for the interesting read and also wow, it’s really amazing how different our perception can be. I never got the ’laid-back’ vibe from DD. Or rather, I get that he tries to project it, but always thought it‘s a mask and in reality he’s just as insecure and high-strung as GA, only hides it better. And I never believed he doesn’t care for his image. I think it hurts him badly that it’s forever tainted. Remember his words that he doesn’t expect his kids to be proud of him?

Hi anon, thank you so much for this message. I need conflicting perspectives like these brought to my attention, otherwise, as you can see, its very easy for me to get into a thinking groove.

I still stand by my claims, but I am willing to change them anytime in light of new info. Opposing opinions like this help connect the pieces in the end and put everything in perspective. It is invaluable to me, so thank you :)

Your ask brings up a lot of great points, so many that I put my response under a cut due to the length. But, before the cut:

Here is a table of contents to summarize, and if anyone is interested in these topics:

The “short” version of my response to your ask.

The way David uses his words

David places more value on words than actions, and thinks the two are interchangeable.

David and the excuse, “why bother?”?

David and using excess and indulgence to lose himself.

David lacks the intuition to read others. He cannot see people for what they are, and maybe he doesn’t want to. (Could be related to him always wearing a mask).

David and Gillian’s insecurities as both a compatibility AND incompatibility between them.

On Gillovny (yep, I can somehow relate everything to Gillovny): David and Gillian both have an insatiable greed for this relationship, but they cannot act out of their own fear and insecurities.

My current theory on why Gillovny is blocked right now (nothing to do with Monique).

*** And to Monique (Hi!), please deliver this message to David:

(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh David, your refusal to grow up essentially puts you in the Majora’s Mask universe. Haven’t you noticed that you’re constantly repeating the same mistakes over and over and over....? It doesn’t help that you seem to have a mask and excuse for EVERYTHING. I’m sorry about your terrible fate. But you’ve brought it upon yourself.)

(1) 💣 The “short” version of my response to your ask:

I agree with you that the laid-backness is a guise. And I could understand him using a guise if he were performing any progressive action in his career to warrant a guise, but he is not. Maybe the difference between us here is what we’re seeing beneath the guise, but I also believe that his guise has changed, even if its just a subtle change.

I said in my first thesis he has a drive to excel, is competitive, and wants to be seen. I still believe these things. But now, in his current phase, the guise isn’t even laid-back, its “I don’t give a f*ck”. To me, this is a red flag.

** Its like he knows his career is nothing but he doesn’t want anyone else to tell him about it (his ego makes him want to be the source of all knowledge). So he’s just in “f*ck you” mode at any kind of input coming his way.

** ACTUALLY maybe this is why it seems like he is ignoring so many issues in his life right now? It might be connected to his natural drive to succeed not being satisfied by his “career”.

The biggest problematic piece of evidence, for me is reports of him being rude to fans in person, outright ignoring them/not engaging with them online, denying them what they’ve paid for, etc. Why bite the hand that feeds you, while at the same time announcing all the projects you have lined up for the future? It is an aggressive way to treat fans, but David gets by with using the “innocent exploring artist” MASK.

Another piece of evidence: I still see the situation as him doing nothing but I am looking to be proven wrong in the very near future. I haven't listened to his recent podcast about his future projects. I just can’t stand him nowadays, lmfao.

Also, I created all the ideas of this response before the sofaology nonsense came out lmao! If it turns out that this is the “secret project” he’s been hyping then... LMAO!

For now, my conclusion of the situation is that David is applying some “all or nothing” thinking to his situation, and its throwing his decision making out of control. Like he’s looking at the ends only, not the means. He keeps having projects shut down, but can’t learn that he needs to start somewhere and build his skills and reputation, not just cry out advertisements for himself with no guarantee of fulfilling his many promises.

I want to agree with you that he (still) cares about his image but... if he did, then what the hell kind of messages is he trying to send right now? And, could it be that he really is just NOT self aware AT ALL? That he might lack the intuition to read others, so he has developed a weird idea of how to interact socially. I say this because he expresses himself so weirdly. Also, maybe he assumes others wear a mask because he wears so many masks himself. So, he doesn’t place value on the way he comes across, only on the words he says?

I mean, and sorry, but let’s illustrate it with his disgusting “relationship”: what the fuck kind of messages is he sending to his kids? to his wife? About love, companionship, partnership, and family (example: “sorry, family, I don’t have time for you because I only have time for - I won’t say it.)?

BUT it could be that he doesn’t mean to send these kinds of messages? I don’t want to think that he would try to put that image out there on purpose.

So, what if he really is not aware of himself?? Like, is he THAT selfish that he only thinks about himself and NEVER others? Never even the way they see him? LMao?? Probably not, it might just boil down to a lack of social intuition (hence the “conquering” attitude with women)? That doesn’t make total sense but it does for me?? for now, I guess? I don’t know, lmao.

(2) 💣 [THEORY 45] The way David uses his words.

I”ll just say this before going forward in hopes that it will show where my perspective is coming from. And this is just what I see:

When david uses words to express himself he mixes his honest sentiments with one or a combo of the following:

- Self-deprecating humour - to give an illusion of humility

- Edginess - to give an illusion of honesty, or some noble quest of “fighting the system” and to get you on his side.

- Sensationalism/shock value - to get your attention and maybe distract you from the fact that what he is actually saying is either a) completely unfair to opposing views b) not founded upon evidence, but personal bias or c) just complete nothingness.

- Overly convoluted/deliberately unknowable references - to a) again, distract you from the fact that what he’s saying is complete nothingness, or b) maybe to demonstrate his literary “prowess” and at the same time prevent you from researching the source of his statements.

- Imposing himself/dominating the conversation/making everything about him - a) to fool you into thinking that what he’s saying is correct and/or b) to make himself seem more interesting

*** I think he uses all these tactics because he is really scared that people will get bored of him...

*** BECAUSE he constantly needs people’s attention on him!!!!! He can’t risk people.... NOT paying attention to him!!!!!!

(And to my anon who once sent me some info talking about how David needed one of his girlfriends to constantly remind him that she loved him...thank you! and I didn’t forget about you! I’ll answer your ask... one day!!)

So, here is David blowing his own mind with his incomprehensible strings of alphabet letters because he is both a player AND easily played:

You’re right, its all an illusion, a mask. But to what end? I think both David and Gillian are just like that, they constantly want the position of power. Humility is out of the question, but this contributes to their insecurity because humility is a socially valued trait. Maybe they are just not comfortable fully expressing who they are. I see this more for David than Gillian. You said, “David hides it better”, so absolutely this is the case, but I’m just asking, why does he feel the need to hide?

But I can at least respect Gillian because i’ve never seen her really try to project “humble and relatable”. Actually, part of the reason why I love her so much is because she seems open about her insecurities.

David plays his fans with the “innocent guy” mask and people fall for it. The players and the played just attract each other, I guess.

(3) 💣 [THEORY 46] David places more value on words than actions, and thinks the two are interchangeable.

To your point about David and Gillian both being equally insecure and using a guise, absolutely. The only thing that makes me hesitate to end the conversation there is the massive difference in their careers. (Will elaborate later).

For now, I will focus on a theory on how David is rationalizing his guise. You mentioned what he said, that “his kids would not be proud”, but, David, does this mean that you should do nothing to try to make your kids proud?

Or, he might see his reputation as “forever tainted”, but, David, does this mean that you should do nothing to try to improve your reputation?

I swear there is a quote of his (which I can’t find anymore, maybe I just made it up? lmao) where he said something along the lines of, “the problems men have are problems they’ve had since the beginning of time”.

Now, David, come on. Is he saying that we should not even bother to correct ourselves with our actions? We should not try to improve, progress, or contribute to society through innovation? Imagine if women said, “women have always had the position of inequality, so we should not even bother to fight?”.

To me, these statements of his are just red flags: examples of “all or nothing” thinking.

Please consider it with what I said about the way David uses his words.

My theory is that he feels that that as long as he can admit the truth of the situation, then this somehow excuses his actions. Like, his words are so powerful they can be used in the place of corrective action.

And when he “admits a truth”, he sways the tide with his words to get people on his side. He uses self deprecation to convince you he is self aware. He uses edginess to convince you he is a badass. He uses humour to just make you happy and agreeable. He dominates the conversation to make you feel that he was the one with all the answers/arguments, or perhaps recreate a teacher/student dynamic.

I think he just sees too much power in words, and not just words, but ONLY HIS words. And of course this is not helped by his identity being tied to his education, and also not helped by the fact that he has been able to get his way through excuses.

So, he just manipulates things to allow him to do whatever he wants in the future. Actually, there is a problem in this in that it can then be hard for people to know what exactly he wants (he has fooled them with his words) and therefore they cannot help him get exactly what he wants. Maybe that is why he is not progressing? Because he is trying to do everything on his own? David, you need to listen to others because you can’t even see yourself. LMFAO.

This leads to the next two theories:

(4) 💣 [THEORY 47] David and the excuse, “why bother?”.

It seems like his bread and butter. I’m sorry but I see him as carrying around a lot of judgments that maybe he feels are useful for directing his efforts and constructing his image, but in reality are just limiting him.

And I think goes hand in hand with:

(5) 💣 [THEORY 48] David and using excess and indulgence to lose himself.

This is just my perspective. I see that, with David, If something ends up working for him, he will exploit it to the ends of the earth.

For him, it is not about progress but lateral movement. More and then less, give and then take.

AND he is able to detach himself from his feelings (example: lack of passion) because he is so good at creating arguments and agreeing with himself.

So, to relate to our discussion, I think me might just be saying, “why bother working any harder if I don’t need to?”. But how much lower is the dude gonna stoop past the Sofology nonsense? Lmfao.

(6) 💣[THEORY 49] David lacks the intuition to read others. He cannot see people for what they are, and maybe he doesn’t want to. (Could be related to him always wearing a MASK).

I’ll just repost what I wrote in my response to your ask. I want to elaborate on this, but I have nothing more to go on other than Brad Davidson being a scammer right in front of David’s eyes.

Onto the copy and paste:

Could it be that he really is just NOT self aware AT ALL? That he might lack the intuition to read others, so he has developed a weird idea of how to interact socially. I say this because he expresses himself so weirdly. Also, maybe he assumes others wear a mask because he wears so many masks himself.

So, he doesn’t place value on the way he comes across, only on the words he says?

BUT it could be that he doesn’t mean to send these kinds of messages? I don’t want to think that he would try to put that image out there on purpose.

(7) 💣 [THEORY 50] David and Gillian’s insecurities as both a compatibility AND incompatibility between them.

Let’s first discuss the compatibility aspect, and I guess it starts and ends with a similarity. So, they are compatible because they both have the same insecurities about being nothingness.

To quote Daria,

[David and Gillian] wear superficiality like a suit of armor, 'cus they’re afraid of looking inside and finding absolutely nothing.

I think maybe both of them just have that fear. I think it might be because they want so badly to be in a position of power and position of provider.

They can’t fully accept that they are nothingness and its ok to be nothingness, its ok not have the answer all the time, and its ok have to rely on others when that time comes.

Notice how they talk about mindfulness/meditation almost to like, demonstrate that they are in sync within themselves but they kind of overlook the fact that no person owes anyone an explanation. They have no need to prove themselves. But it could be that they are just describing their lifestyle, sorry, lmao, I’m just always suspicious lmfao.

So, now let’s discuss the incompatibility. Which I see as the way they respond to their insecurity.

Gillian = action and progress in the face of fear.

David = the complete opposite, resignation and rationalization in the face of fear (combined with letting himself off the hook with rationalizations)

Literally, Gillovny could be blocked by a situation where Gillian is putting in the effort and David is not.

Although even I can see that i am very biased towards Gillian because I agree more with acting in the face of fear vs. doing nothing at all. But one is not more correct than the other, it is just my personal preference.

After all, anons keep telling me to resign myself and accept whatever this situation is supposed to be, but that is simply not my way :)

(8) 💣 [THEORY 51] My current theory on why Gillovny is blocked right now:

David and Gillian are the ones blocking Gillovny.

Its funny how similar they are in terms of really deep, personal, and unusual traits. David and Monique are the same on the surface (and apparently he can’t see past the surface), but David and Gillian have like… twin dark souls.

I think with both David and Gillian there will just always be the internal conflicts they have within themselves. They have an image they want to portray, they want to be seen as strong but also vulnerable. I think they want to teach but still see themselves as learning.

** They want the position of power but also have an insatiable greed themselves, as if they need someone else to be in power as well to provide for them....!!!!!

(I know Gillian said that she wouldn’t like a relationship where the man is the boss, and I love her for saying that, but all humans, male and female, need their partner to be a provider of something.)

** and they want to give but maybe their own greed AND personal insecurities stop them from involving themselves completely. I will offer this as a potential blockage of the Gillovny relationship. Literally, insatiable greed *fans self* mixed with crippling self doubt *cries and writes a gentle love letter to both David and Gillian that I will never send*.

AS IN:

Their greed = insatiable need.

And their insecurity = cannot even act to fulfill each other’s needs.

SO WHAT IF they have a NEED they can’t satisfy because they are literally paralyzed by fear from their insecurities?

... They have a NEED and they can’t ACT? ooooooooh bby!!!!!!!!!!

*** I could actually see them as being so short sighted in this relationship, probably from how emotionally exciting it must be, that they cannot even see that all they need to do is... ACT. LMAO. And by act I mean take it to the next level. Enough of the boy/girl sh*t everyone can see that this is something about a MAN/WOMAN.

Maybe David and Gillian show their true colours when they are separated:

David shows he is a boy with his boy/girl nonsense “relationship”

Gillian shows she is a woman with her man/woman relationship.

?? I’ll just leave it at that for now.

Its just... If only they could get it into their hard heads that there is no need to hide... from their own love...

Anyways, thanks so much, anon. let’s talk anytime!

#David Duchovny #Gillian Anderson #Monique Pendleberry #Anonymous

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sincewereahoe · 3 years ago

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I’ve got some friends in the Ukraine and I just received a photo of the friend group of 20 something year olds huddled together in a subway station for shelter. Apparently all the 18 to 27 year old men have to fight now. Men from 18 to 60 aren’t allowed to leave the country any more. My friends would never want to touch a gun let alone use it. One of them sent me a voice message saying it’s a weird thing to think that maybe he’s already heard the best joke of his life, maybe he’s seen his dog and his little sister for the last time already, maybe he’ll never grow old cause they might die soon. It’s beyond heartbreaking and I can’t believe no one is helping Ukraine. Also… my friends little brother just turned 18. Imagining an 18 year old kid having to fight is incomprehensible to me. The guy just graduated high school, gets drunk every weekend and loves dungeons and dragons. I hope they’ll be ok. Sorry for rambling this is just a lot. Also just to clarify I’m a different anon from the one in Poland, I fully live in Switzerland so I’m safe.

Holy fuck this is heartbreaking. I pray I’ll never have the fear of wondering if I heard my last joke or seen my loved ones for the last time.

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theclaravoyant · 7 years ago

Text

the fire’s out (but still it burns) - 5x14 coda

AN ~ I wasn’t feel up to it last week, and even now I’m only scratching the surface, but... basically I wanted to give Daisy the chance to react and deal with some of the shock of what just happened and have a good cry... and then Mack feels came along... and now I have this! angsty, slightly hurt-comforty bc we need SOME relief, 5x14 coda. to those who can stomach it... enjoy(?)

CW: there are no graphic flashbacks or anything, but some description of her injuries, and a lot of angsty/complicated feelings about Fitz. If you would like any more detail about what is in this fic before deciding whether to read it, feel free to message or chat with me (off anon for specifics please).

title from Flares by The Script

Rshps: Mack & Daisy, also some Jemma. Discussions of Fitz & Daisy and Mack & Fitz (though Fitz is not present). Rated T for torture & injury mentions and general angst. Set immediately following 5x14.

Read on AO3 (~1300wd)

the fire’s out (but still it burns)

“Mack, can you help?”

He gets up, moves towards the sound before he even really takes in what’s happening. Jemma’s voice is shaking, like a fence about to fall down, and Daisy is shaking just as badly, draped between the Doc and Deke and looking pale as death.

“What the hell happened out there?” Mack wonders, taking Jemma’s place under Daisy’s arm and helping lower her to the bed.

“F-Fitz,” Daisy replies.

Her voice is shaking – with fear, with anger. The air around her shakes too. The tools in the tray Jemma brings. Mack’s heart begins to feel heavier as he takes in the horrendous, bloody bruise to the side of Daisy’s head. The rope-burn on her arms. The bloody gauze that Deke is holding to her neck.

Mack’s stomach twists. He tries to imagine how Fitz could look at this, let alone carry it out, and the image won’t reconcile. A little angry spat, maybe, he could imagine. A slap, a punch, maybe even a black eye – after all, Fitz could be passionate, irrational at times, and Daisy never backed down from a fight. Mack had suspected that, should he snap one day, that might be how it would go. That would have been bad, very bad, terribly bad - but this isn’t just bad, it’s… gut-wrenchingly wrong. It’s hard to tie somebody down and cut them open in a fleeting moment of rage or frustration. This is something else entirely. Something pre-meditated. Something incomprehensible.

“Fitz did this to you?”

Daisy looks like she’s going to be sick. Over the other side of her shoulder, heart heavy and eyes brimming with tears, Jemma nods.

“Damn,” Mack whispers. It’s the only word he can find. The unspeakable, confusing horror of it all is like a nightmare.

A nightmare Daisy has just lived.

“Are you okay?” he asks. “Are you going to be okay?”

“It’s just a flesh wound,” Daisy hisses, but there are tears in her eyes, and fury competes with fear in her voice. Deke frowns doubtfully at the amount of the blood on the gauze at her neck, and he’s about to interrupt when she waves him off. “I mean it’s… It’ll heal. I’ll be fine.”

“You need stitches, Daisy,” Jemma points out.

The silence is tense as Jemma works. Daisy stares straight ahead at the wall, grinding her teeth, blinking back tears. She clutches Mack’s hand with a bone-crushing desperation, and Mack puts a hand over hers. He hopes it is comforting, despite his own nerves and uncertainty. Questions flood his mind – What happened? How, and why? - but the silence between Jemma and Daisy is too fragile to interrupt.

In the end, it’s Daisy who speaks first.

“It wasn’t really him, right? Jemma? Tell me- tell me it wasn’t him.”

Daisy holds her breath. Mack does too. The only sound is a pained sigh from Jemma, and the soft clink of metal as, task complete, she carefully lowers the tweezers and needle and steadies her hands on the tray.

When at last she replies, it’s like she has to drag the words over glass to make it out of her throat, and Mack’s not surprised. He’s a little impressed actually, by the way she maintains eye contact even though it feels like she’s reaching out and snapping the last strings of hope they have.

“I’m afraid it was,” she clarifies.

Daisy blinks at her. Reluctant. Disbelieving.

Jemma continues, dropping eye contact at last in a battle to find the words and push through to the end of the sentence. “What happened, I think, was called a psychic split. It can happen sometimes when a person with- with schizophrenia under a large amount of pressure develops a- a- an alternate personality, sort of thing-“

“So I’m right then?” Daisy presses. “The Doctor, the alternate personality, it took him over. Right? So then it wasn’t him?”

Jemma shakes her head. Tears are spilling down her cheeks now and the whole tray trembles violently in her hands. “It doesn’t work like that. It’s not like possession. The Doctor may have pushed Fitz to think from a perspective that he wouldn’t ordinarily, but… It was Fitz who made the decisions in the end. It was Fitz who– who-“

She chokes up, and Mack can’t blame her. The world is shifting around them, the whole place uncertain, and with the two people he’d bet good money on being closest to her in the world at the heart of this mess, Mack can’t imagine how twisted Jemma’s universe has become. A bullet in the leg, suddenly, is nothing.

“I got this, Doc,” he insists gently. “Go.”

Nodding frantically, Jemma shoves the tray back onto its cart and bolts from the room before she loses her last semblance of strength. Deke mumbles uncertainly and takes his leave after her, and with a heavy heart, Mack takes her seat by Daisy’s bedside.

Daisy props herself up on her arms, and her fingers clench the bedframe, even as Mack works as gently as he can to clean the wound on her head.

“I knew it,” she growls. “I knew it was him. He didn’t sound insane. He looked like he- he didn’t want to. The Doctor would have liked it. He was- He was crying. He could hear me. He knew what he was doing. He knew.”

Anger cracks and crumbles in the face of fear again. It’s more than fear, it’s horror. It’s heartbreak. It’s violation.

She sobs. Mack starts. He should have seen it coming but it feels like a gut punch out of nowhere. Never had he imagined – it was almost as unspeakable as the laws of the universe – that Fitz could have hurt Daisy so much, willingly or otherwise.

“He knew,” she sobs, tears streaming down her face in a matter of seconds. Her body shakes with them. “He knew what it means to me, what it means to us, and he still- How can I- How can I forgive him when he still-“

Mack puts the tweezers and gauze aside. This truly is a flesh wound; it can wait if it has to. It’s more important in this moment to wrap his arms around his friend. Hold her steady while the fabric of the world not only shifts, but tears beneath her feet. He’s not sure what she’s talking about, he’s not sure what Fitz did – not beyond the obvious anyway – but he’s sure that it must be something, that it must be bad, as Daisy howls and sobs in his embrace. There’s so much pain there, and anger, and grief, he starts to cry just listening to it.

She howls and the windows shake, the wheels of the bed and the med cart squeak, bottles and supplies start to drop to the floor, and Mack feels a knot tighten in his gut. He hadn’t picked up on it before but he sees it now. He pieces it together – the blood on Daisy’s neck, the profound sense of intimate betrayal, and the fact that her quaking is back. Fitz must have removed her inhibitor. Tied her down and took her Inhumanity back by force.

“Ah, Tremors,” he breathes, and it feels a bittersweet choice of nickname now. “Daisy. I got you, okay? You’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

He murmurs sweet nothings and rubs her back, and it doesn’t do much to soothe the otherwordly lament of agony that’s pouring out of her, but he figures it can’t hurt either. He stays with her, holds her, until the trials of the day catch up with her and she falls into a restless sort of sleep. Then he quickly, carefully finishes cleaning her head wound and posts himself as watchman over her. He’ll move her bed to be beside Elena’s as soon as he gets the chance, but for now he sits back in the chair and turns it a little more toward the door. He holds the scalpel, lightly, in his fist, just in case they get an unwanted visitor.

He wipes the tears from his cheeks.

Apparently, you really never can tell.

#I PROMISE THE FORMATTING FIXES ITSELF IF YOU CLICK THE READ MORE #aosteam #daisymack #brotp: tremors #aos fic #aosficnet #i'm serious tho stab me #aos s5 #aos 5x14 #clara's fic tag #fitzdaisy #fitzmack #brotp: turbo #brotp: a tonne of weird crap

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jooheongif · 7 years ago

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hi,it is i,theory anon!it was still day for me but i spent a lot of time figuring things out and reading theories and making my own and freaking out and then i was mentally exhausted and slow the rest of the day..worth it i really do love theories!i really didn't expect something so long either but mx never cease to amaze and outright refuse to be underestimated,it seems. i might also be biased but i too think it is a masterpiece(the song,cinnamontography,the monstas themselves...) (cont.)

i really liked every bit of the film i noticed and can't wait for anything they have to put out!since i already sorta know i'm gonna be amazed (isn't that also amazing?they just keep evolving and they're already so incredible). it's so nice being their fan:)) also,i'm so happy you caught up on your sleep and hope the studying paid off (even if not,i think it's great to invest yourself in something)! (cont.?)you're really out there with your heart full of love and you're sharing it so selflessly,it's honestly really inspirational to me and just generally truly wonderful.i can feel you're a gorgeous person with a breathtakingly beautiful soul and i hope you're proud of yourself,i feel you have reason to be!even if not,i can at least honestly tell you i'm so incredibly proud of you and happy to have contacted you because you are truly so caring and kind and genuine and radiate love (cont.???i'msorry!)(and you just,completely unprompted,told a complete stranger you're proud of them,i cannot express how deeply touched i am ( :') ) you're really so incredible i hope you know!)! this is probably pretty incomprehensible but i hope you can tell i'm really touched by your sweetness, you really made my day so much brighter. i'm very grateful to you for all of this kindness and i hope you keep being this wonderful and magical and radiant (cont.?? ?? last one i promise!)LAST ONE!!! also i REALLY hope you take very good care of yourself and i hope you know how wonderful and magical and radiant you are! i'm very sorry this was so long and please don't feel absolutely any pressure to reply,i just hoped to convey how grateful i am for you and everything you said. so now that i've tried to do that,i'll be gone (AT LAST)! please eat your veggies,drink water,take in some fresh air and stay strong (hehe) and i hope you smile today!💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

hi theory anon !! how are you ?? hope ur doing well !!! hope u got some rest from being exhausted by the theories the other day :-)

thank u sm for ur msg !! how to reply to this...where do i even start !!! firstly, im so.... :( my heart is so :( idk what to say im so touched by this ?? icb u would take the time to type out 5 separate msgs for me ??? thank you so much and im so sorry for giving u the trouble of writing all those separate msgs !! pls dont apologise for sending all of them btw !!! i rly appreciate every single one of them :( i was having a....not so good time at uni today and ur msg helped to pull me back into real time and i feel sm better !! u hav made my day !! thank u sm :((on first watch of the music film before reading theories and things, i thought that it was abt them all destined to find each other no matter what dimension or universe or part of the planet they are in ! like no matter what, they are always meant to find and meet each other ? but maybe thats just what my friendship deprived self wanted to see at the time ??? not to sound so..l*nely sorry ! but anyways...i just...rly lov plotlines abt friendship so i :(( no idea how i could relate that to dramarama but then again does it hav to ? a mystery :( anyway..after reading theories, some ppl had the same thoughts but even better and some had smth else completely different ! even though it feels kinda bad not knowing the actual truth abt their concepts, at the same time it is kinda nice bc reading other ppls thoughts and interpretations is rly interesting !dlfsdkjfkldjfsdjf thank u sm for saying all those nice things abt them !! ur right !! they just keep improving and being better than themselves w every comeback ??? i hope that since they already had their first win for dramarama, for this cb they are a little more relaxed and feel less..pressured ?? and that they can just enjoy the moment on stage, performing and promoting their work w/o worrying so much abt winning ? :( like...do mx and their choreographers, producers, stylists + everyone who works with mx so that they can be mx..do they even hav a moment to take a step back from all the chaos and just...admire all the work that they've done ?? even if they dont get the results they want...even if it doesnt do well on the charts by their standards..like do they know how much impact their joint work has on so many ppl ??? and that so many ppl rly admire and appreciate what they've done :( anyway i rly hope the monstas rly just..truly enjoy this cb w/o feeling so much pressure :( idk...do we as mbb put too much pressure on them too ?? idk.. im writing this and hoping for the best but at the same time i know that the whole industry is fuelled by competition and its all just one uglie business™ in the end that we're all directly/indirectly contributing to as fans and whatnot, but at the same time cant do much abt it bc we just ..wanna support our favs :( idk im prob typing a whole lot of nonsense rn but i lov the monstas and ill keep supporting them so ..that meme of marge dancing nervously i guess ?ok dam...there i go again writing too much im sorry ! :( ill try to wrap this up ??? sorry u hav to read all of this btw !! thank u sm for caring abt me btw !! all those nice things you've written...u are too kind ??? idk what to say to u to even thank u properly for all of this but please know that i rly appreciate all that you've written up there !! :( idk if i even deserve that level of kindness ! i think ive still got a long way to go to reach the person u hav described above but i hope one day i can be even a small fraction of that person !!!! you wrote that i inspire u but honestly ur the one who is inspiring me ?? :( taking the time out of ur day to write 5 nice messages to a stranger !! wishing a stranger well and caring abt their wellbeing ?? writing all those nice things :( !!! im always pleasantly surprised by anonymous msgs bc icb someone out there takes the time out of their day to be kind !! it always gives me some kind of hope and reminds me that maybe the world isnt all that bad thanks to kind ppl like yourself :( im sure im not the only one who thinks like this...so rly thank u sm for selflessly spreading love like that ! thank u for being here bc the world is a better place w you in it ! i hope u are taking care of yourself and getting rest and drinking water + eating ur veggies too !!!! ily and thank u sm !!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

#everyone watching mx's mv and cb vlive right on the dot tonight hav a good time !!#sadly i hav nightshift so ill come back later to watch it ! :(#i feel so sorry i cant stream when the song is fresh or help to trend them :(#anyway hav a good one !! gotta go now or ill be late :(#ask #theory anon #Anonymous

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