#also i havent really had a reason to use tumblr because ive only really used it as a fandom thing with my random personal ramblings

[fruitsyrups]

how it started and how it's going or whatever. they still dont have names by the way but they are a little comfort to me. they just chill out and live life boring style and stuff. exactly what i aspire to

blorbos from my brain... coworkers to roommates to freak weirdo besties or something like that, i dont know. they dont even have names yet 🐱

[basofy]

i havent seen anybody else mention this connection so idk if anyone noticed but i get sad whenever i think about it

FUCK i wrote a whole damn anaylisis but tumblr is super stupid and cant take many tags so heres this

#not a vent this time just analysis #but ive had this in mind for a while and im on so much coffee right now that i wanna ramble

#theres this aspect in their interaction where garth bullies jack over his most sensitive aspect #which is his lack of knowledge and his issues with his age #and like this goes for the whole thing#it was odd to me to see garth being verbally hostile cuz he never was in the original#not even in rando land #and as i see it now he is just using this agaisnt jack to make him feel like he needs his art to feel older #for whatever freaky reasons, ive seen many interpretations of this thing on garth's part #i like the thought that he's a big attention seeker lmao #regardless of intentions this must've had consequences on jack or so i think #so when it comes to jack i think he might be affected not only cuz of the porn #but also must have felt really insulted by this #and like i keep thinking that if jack were to get mad at garth it would be because of this #(and i do actually want to see him get mad at garth ) #cuz i think he wouldnt realize for a while that the porn thing was wrong

#not to mention how the fuck did garth know this would work on jack????? #the MAGS #the convo starts with jack being all sneaky about the magazines #being a kid or teen that DOESNT like to be one and wants to grow up too soon #while also being the only companion that wouldnt poke fun at garth even if just a little LOL #this makes him tragically the perfect target for whatever he was doing #im NOT saying jack asked for it but that it was easy for him to fall for it #and ive been thinking about my friend's theory that garth might've grown up the same way #not exactly by being groomed i mean #theres so many cases of kids and teens that purposefully put themselves in situations that arent for them #which jack was doing as well and what garth did was worsen that #and if this were the case then he would perfectly know that hypersexual teens HAAATE being reminded of their age #i speak from experience (not a good thing) #and honestly i can completely see garth as someone who would say yea i was addicted to porn at the age of 14 and turned out alright (LIES)

#i know i get annoying with this thing #half the fandom found it funny the other half doesnt want to think about it which i understand #but i keep thinking about it cuz i care about both characters and i care about the themes here too

also also leaving this old analysis i did on twitter here too..

it's 5:35 am rn LOL

[jupitercl0uds]

ok just in case heres alternate social medias i might turn to if banned:

TWITTER! i hate twitter i hate twitter i hate twitter i actually used to like twitter! ive had an account for over 2 years now and made it like a month before my tumblr. unforuntately im worried that if i moved permanantly, id go back to where i was on twitter, ie nintendo/shitpost twitter. i should be reblogging on all blogs btw, so yes, to the sonic blog, this means i probably wont be on sonic twitter (they scare me). i also wont post my art because i dont usually remember to use nightshade and i dont want my art to be scraped edit: nvm im on sonic twitter now (also this was posted before the tumblr ai thing)

DEVIANTART! i last posted to DA in june, but used to be a fairly frequent poster. that was only for a few months, though, hence my grand total of 45 deviations. edit: nvm i forgot its own by wix (an isreali company)

TIKTOK! i HAVE a normal tiktok that i havent touched with a 5m pole since july. im not linking it because the reason i stopped using it is because kids from school kept finding me and if i linked an account where kids from school found me, creeps could find me. the one linked is currently private and has never been used before. i do actually like tiktok, despite its flaws! and the sonic community ISNT a cesspit! in all honesty, to me, tiktok feels like high-effort tumblr, which is what it basically used to be for me before i stopped using it (and you can kinda make a 'text post' with a nice picture and some text with a song in the background anyway).

YOUTUBE (?)! i DO have a jupitercl0uds channel but i mostly use my main, bluniverse, for some reason. idk its youtube its not much of a social media anymore

DISCORD! yeah my discord is jupitercl0uds i still use dc i cant really make any comments its discord you know how it is

[inlovewithmariana]

✧༺♥༻✧

after what was close to half an hour making the most basic blog layout i'm finally ready to start ranting. not only did i change this god forsaken url close to 10 times trying to get an acceptable one (i still don't like the current inlovewithmariana url but im too lazy to think anm). i havent had a tumblr in 4ever, idk the current etiquette within the site but i need someplace to rant where no one (or almost no one) will find me. and ik my bf doesnt have a tumblr so here i came.

i used to rant a lot on an old blog i lost the password to (and forgot the url), but it was also a bit too formal and deep for what i actually want to write about. i dont want to have to write perfect diary entries, i want to scream into the abyss about things that, at the end of the day, probably do not bother me as much as i make them seem to.

ive been dating my bf long distance for ab 6 months, and ik i see myself staying with him long term. however, idk how to separate what are my actual concerns and wishes, and what is just stuff on the internet people make up for no apparent reason other than to seemingly bother others relationships. how realistic would it be for me to be upset that my bf never got me flowers if im attached at the hip to him whenever were tgt? why is it okay when im in the mood but if he is and im not i instantly feel objectified and like he only likes me for my body? i dont feel obligated to do anything when were tgt, but when were apart i feel like he'll get tired of me if im not constantly sexualizing myself.

i avoid romance shows that show an idealized reality bc im scared of believing it to be true, and i avoid the ones with not-perfect relationships because i fear ill start reading too much into them and believing things ab my relationship that arent true.

i love my bf, i really do, and ik that if i were to rant to him ab these things he'd be as understanding as he possibly could, and try to work through them with me. but sometimes i just want to rant.

(also i promise i write good but if im rambling im not going to spell check shit <3)

[smolsammichowo]

I think my feelings on people arguing over if AEW or WWE is better is that one scene from the mickey mouse cartoon where Minnie Mouse finds a hat that is just the same hat she's wearing on her head & the group with her is like "oh I dont know maybe you should try it on..." & stuff ,

meanwhile Donald Duck, is like "ITS THE SAME HAT." over & over.

I'm Donald. except instead of hats, its pro wrestling. Its the SAME stuff. Its different companies & different styles of showing off stuff & different people but ITS PRO WRESTLING. ITS THE SAME OVER THE TOP VIOLENT SPORTS THEATER.

And I may say "Oh I perfer this stuff in AEW" or "I like this person in WWE" or "My favorite pro wrestler of all time is in AEW" or "Oh my gosh that match in wwe was the coolest ever!" but I just like them both in the end because they're both pro wrestling. Its more pro wrestling for me to enjoy. Same with other companies like NJPW, Impact/TNA (so happy more cool stuff is coming soon for them!) , Dragon Gate, ROH, and so much more !

I'm not saying "Oh! You dont like that company? Well you're bad!" You're fine to not like it, I'm just refering to the people who are like "Oh this guy who is super big star is signed with this comapny now! This company is trash now! Its gonna fail & die out! Haha!" & people who always focus on view counts and say "LOOK! This airing got a lot of people more watching than this show! They are failing!"

I wouldn't say that's failing. I would say all of that is pro wrestling is doing wonderful !

In the end for me, I just love pro wrestling & I'm just happy that I'm a pro wrestling fan in this age as there is so much content to watch (though a bit TOO much because I cant keep up with the fun madness AAAAA ) And I just find it silly that some people instead of enjoying it are just wishing the downfall of stuff! I

Also one more thing Im happier that tumblr has longer posts than twitter so i could talk about this!

Anyway heres a rant down below because here's a reason why I havent talked about pro wrestling a lot on twitter

I only mentioned on twitter that I dont talk about it much anymore given on twitter the fanbase there is a nightmare and people are scary (seriously compared to ANY fanbase Ive ever been in , sports fanbases especially pro wrestling where people REAAALLLY dont understand the "entertainment" part a lot of the time can be nuts. Especailly a shame given sometimes I really do want to talk about pro wrestling given its one of my all time favorite things & then I got people who just call me things just because my favorite wrestler either hasn't done much, isnt a champion, or isnt in their "favorite company"

Like bruh . If it makes you that miserable to just randomly comment on someones post talking about their favorite person like that why ya a fan . I used to be a huge fan of overwatch , still love the characters (after all i have two characters, one being one of my main online personas ) & such but I dropped the game because it made me miserable & that wasnt good for my mental health which then effect my physical. same with tiktok. I had 55k+ followers on there, that was my biggest following count on any social media site, but I dropped that shit because I was getting physically in pain from headaches from stress & being upset from that place & deleted that app & my account that had that many on there.

Aannnndd this just is exactly why I dont tallk about pro wrestling as much as I used to anymore. That above me happens. I just go off like I did lol . I apologize for that. But yea, I do still wanna do fanart for wrestlers in the future of course! After all they are a huge reason why I got back into art in a really fucked up time when I was younger in the first place .

[mortuaest]

Large rant, sorry. Please ignore if any of the trigger warnings are going to be an issue. I need to get it off of my chest because if I rant on FB I get hit with a character limit and I should make a personal Tumblr which I think I have but dont remember shit about.

Ive been having severe, and I mean severe as fuck mental and emotional breakdowns because of the fact that its literally been almost a year (Its going to be a year October 29th) since I've had to put down Ice Cube, my ESA of 14.5 years. He had cancer in his cheek and it was placed right to where it would effect his quality of life severely negatively if we tried to surgically take it out, and he would possibly die on the table if we did it because of his age, and he was declining (He wasn't eating, he was drinking, he really wasnt eating as much as I wanted him to, he was spitting back up the pills I was giving him, he was suffering) and my mental and emotional health has been severely suffering each and every day that passes without him.

I have another cat, I got him in April, thinking I was alright. Which I was I guess. Im being reminded via FB memories and just my own fucked up brain wanting me to join him to where I'm legit giving myself until December 31st, 2023 to have someone. Anyone give me a fucking sigh to keep on living. Im going to be going through a program my friend suggested to make a will, making her I forgot the words she used but shes going to make sure that my will is listened to and Albert Whisker, the cat I have now is taken care of.

I cant keep on living, and the fact that this heartbreak is fucking me up so badly to the point where the large baggie of medications (ranging from insomnia medications to Very STRONG painkillers and such, as well as my daily medications the day of me going to attempt) is very tempting to take now. And I mean very tempting. Meaning I almost took it yesterday, after my first mental break and me physically hurting myself by slamming a brush ungodly hard into my head because I legit believe I deserve everything that has happened to me (The physical, emotional and mental abuse that I got for 20 some odd years from my mother, the severe car accident from last year, the rapes, everything. My friends being murdered or dying around me, loosing the only thing that even brought light to my life).

No one in my life cares. No one seems to care. Ive been severely struggling and each time IVe even bothered to reach out for help via friends. Since my father hates me for being trans and my sister doesnt give a fuck to even bother to help me. My mother was the cause of my two rapes/sexual assaults in my life and wants me dead because Im autistic. No one wants to help, or no one seems interested in even keeping me around.

Cosplay isnt helping. Video games aren't either. I havent felt any happiness since last year. I could deal with this if he was still alive. But at the same time Im lying to myself, I havent known what made me happy other than my past cat Ice Cube. I stayed for him since I love him. I had him since he was five weeks old. We bonded. Its not the case with Albert and I feel he loves me but we dont have the connection and never will.

Im never going to feel anything other than severe misery and depression. At least, that's what I 100% believe.

TLDR: Im severely struggling and dont know what to do anymore. I dont trust my new therapist even though she has stated more than once and my friend who also goes to her has stated more than once she wont send me to inpatient or CPAP and she tries to avoid hospitalization if we can. But because of multiple decades of PTSD, abuse, and being denied the proper treatment, help, support from friends and family that I should of gotten Im at the point where Im giving myself until December 31st to find a reason to stay alive and if I dont then Im letting my queue run out.

[wildflower-rain]

long post with just my musings about nothing. more a journal entry than anything else. all lighthearted stuff.

dont know if im in a mood but im considering stepping away from this blog and the internet in general for a bit.

been on here to much lately or something plus some other stuff. idk i may disappear briefly.

hesitant to do so because i think my unintentional attempt to keep stuff in this blog's queue is why my brain hasn't just rejected it. like thats not a big consideration point but it is there.

tbf there aren't many points here at all. i just kind of started thinking about this like two hours ago so yk, i may wake up and forget i said anything.

been less engaged in some ways anyway. and more in others. been on here for long periods but i normally try add a bit of commentary in the tags if only for my own memory and amusement. but i haven't seen much that ive really wanted reblog to begin with and ive had nothing to say about anything. also as i think i said in the last two posts here now i just dont have anything to say at the moment. nothing understandable and shareable at least. got real life stuff happening too. had a lot of work to do. and a lot of stress. not actually that much stress probably , not compared to normal because like every situation is a high stress situation to me. just how i work. but i may well be forgetting how stressed i've been. i'm not sure.

idk. this blog does help me sort out my brain some. which is a point to the the other side. this post is basically a journal entry. and thats really how i use this blog most of the time. rambling about random stuff. its more consistent than any journal i've kept or have tried to keep. wondering if it would be unreasonable to make a private sideblog to actually just use as a journal because apparently tumblr gets the thoughts out of me.

i should make a journal tag. maybe. i don't know. for some reason i have more faith in tumblr not losing all my stuff than my other digital note taking and journal stuff. and generally i think better in typing. i do have a physical journal. i just don't think as freely in it, my hand gets cramped or i cant write fast enough for my thoughts. so i like digital stuff. and apparently my brain sees tumblr as more likely to not lose my stuff and die than anywhere else. at least out of places that i like the format of. don't like the idea of dumping this all in a word doc for some reason. it would make more sense. i could stick things on a usb but no, instead here i am with my billion word tumblr post that anyone can see. maybe ill start copying things into word docs after the fact idk.

i dont know why im so afraid that all my shit will be deleted. i really havent lost that much digital stuff over the years, nothing important to me i dont think. not accounts, not saved info, not my own pieces of stuff.. maybe one or two things i dont remember. i dont know why i just dont trust stuff to not get lost becuase of some screw up. idk. its 3:30am i'm going to sleep now. i had more work to do but im tired and i need to do more stuff tomorrow so i might as well get some sleep.

goodnight tumblr. or goodmorning or whatever time it is when this gets released, imma queue it.

[mothlegs]

i am tired and cozy and in a good mood so i will talk about how i got all my books :)

tired cozy also gives me a bit of bravery so i am hugging all my mutuals. especially two specific ones because i see you doing badly but i am too shy to approach you directly so i hope you see this and magically know i am giving you the most caring hugs and i hope things are better soon

anyways books:) or well bookcase, not all reading books. im looking from my bed so i cant see all of them But

Sketch Books x2 (+1 smol ver)

i dont know how i got thes3 actually. maybe from tiger? i miss when tiger was t. uh. how do you spell that. tier..? ti'er?? idunno. the old name. i think these are all filled up, i think i got the first one when i was 10 :]

ANATOMY

This is a book full of naked people that i guess i accidentally stole. oops. i borrowed it from a now ex family friend who is insanely good at art, when i was like 12 or 13, and then it ended up on my floor and i ended up telling people he was kinda Weird(bad) about me (regret! made everything bad despite being true) so now we dont talk to him anymore so he cant get the book back. bah

Uhh a connect the dots magazine(?) my grandma gave me. dunnno when. i dont think ive touched it since :( sad cause i love connecting dots

I Am Looking From My Bed So Can't See What These Are x2 + Some loose papers

Fancy journal/sketch book/idk my mom bought for me in the big city :)!!

Undertale art book <333

I got it as a very late christmas present when i was 11 or 12 years old as well as some other undertale stuff and i literally started crying

I think this ones a diary i never really used that my mom got me and my grandma years ago. oop

Dear Evan Hansen !!!

i love this book. it is better than the musical. i love miguel and they had a perfect opportunity to put him in the movie but they didnt so i hope the movie goes to the movie version of hell

i got it when i was 14 i think? the week before it came i was actively suicidal in a "i feel a burning need inside me that is screaming at me to die" and that book might just be the only reason i didnt attempt then

Salmon Coloured Book From Tiger. cant see anything else about it and i have no memory of it

Skammeren's Datter

i think my grandma found this being given away for free at the library? one of my favourite books as a child my mom used to read it to me before bed when i was 11:)

Fængslende Tanker

book about intrusive thoughts my mom borrowed me at some point within the last 2 or 3 years

Tidsfangen

also my moms it is fiction i remember nothing about it oop

The Song of Achilles

i saw it on tumblr and liked it so got it as a gift at some point. i dont remember when, i still havent read it :(

Books my grandma got from a library giving them away x6

i havent read any of these:( also dont remember when i got them

Skammeren's Datter 1-2 & 3-4

the full series im p sure!! wanna reread themm

MAUS

i got it for my last birthday!! i havent gotten very far in reading but it is very good and i am learning and developing curiousities

The Unofficial Ghibli Cookbook

also for my last birthday!! havent made anything from it yet but it is really cool and i am so excited to make food from my favourite movies:))

Fever Series x3 (+1 in my nightstand)

currently rereading these, i havent read the 4th book tho

i found the first book at the library when i was pretty small, definitely less than 10, but i was too scared to read it. i think i gave up on reading it like 3 times but i kept thinking about it and eventually i read it and fell in looove. i love these books so much:D they are about everyone in sweden dying of fever except some kids:)

The Witch Boy

i first saw this book in sweden when i was 13 years old. it was in the basement of a game store, which is also the only store i have bought my own dice from. it also had a life size alien from the movies

i dont remember when i got the book myself though :( ive read some of it some years ago but dont think i finished it

More books my grandma got for free from the library x6

Wreck This Journal

my mom gave it to me when i was like 11 but i never really got to wrecking it u.u

Dreadnought

IT IS ABOUT A TRANS SUPERHERO :D her name is danny and i read some of it a summer in a tiny bedhouse (1 room building with 2 beds and nothing else. didnt even have a real door!!) at my aunties summerhouse (they are rich) i think i heard of it on tumblr. i love this book a lot but i havent finished it u.u

Extra Room No Books

d&d stuffs, some small toys and plushies, uuuh i see a small cardboard box but i dont remember whats inside:)

Shelf Below My Fancy Clothes

BNHA 1-17 i think?? also some Vigilantes, Black Butler 1+2, Bungou Stray Dogs 1, iii think thats it? i cant see it from here so idk

all of these were gifts from my grandma :)

"Nightstand" (chair thing i use as a nightstand)

First fever book

Killing Stalking 1+2 (bought at a comic store myself!! i was literally jumping around the store i was so excited to be there there was so much cool manga and there was stuff by neil gaiman!!! this is where bsd and the cookbook are from too)

The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy (given to me by a mutual actually :3 but like. mmmany years ago and i still havent read it >_o im sowey but i appreciate it a lot and i treasure it forever)

[kindlyre]

AND!!!!

this conversation looks fucking hillarious w/o the readmores 😭😭 i just imagine us like, phatomiming or smth 😭

WE LOVE CYCLICAL ABUSE NARRATIVES!!!!! me when the cycle Gets You Gets You Gets You Gets Y

AROACE!! WE LOVE 2 SEE IT!!! the govt straight up wanta disabled people to just fucking die i swear to god. even if you get benefits theyre a pittance in this economy. i have to steal my groceries bc its either that or i cant afford everything. tho im not 100% out of my wheelchair, but I can walk significantly more and i could downgrade my knee braces from rigid ones to fabric ones! im gonna get a rollator soon to help w mobility so fingers crossed that helps! 🤞🏻 tho i get ur pain, my back pain was the most debilitating part pre-...miracle???

also i do have someone, i am engaged!! mr. i-forgot-he-feels-remorse is my fiancé! hes on tumblr too lmao he just cant think of a url for a dangan blog 😩 hes so sweet my ass did NOT settle not even a little! tho after i move im gonna look into other assistance programs tbh, even if i dont wanna go thru the yearslong hassle of getting disability specifically i can always see if theres other stuff i can qualify for!

i also like to date the soulbonds imma be so fr 😭 one of them just decided i had an ultimate ability and im like. aight 🧍‍♂️

ALSO HMMMM THATS AN INTERESTING TAKE ON JUNKO!!! i def dont think that angle fully *rules out* aspd moreso... her extreme boredom and the trauma she put herself thru caused her to develop it, but then it made the boredom worse and oops now the world is on fire! teehee!

either way the narrative is absolutely that the world completely failed her and had she been nurtured correctly this would not have happened-- tho i do wanna say its possible to care about someone and yet disregard their autonomy and feelings and rights (abusive parents do it all the time!)

tbh i really only trust myself w specifically aspd junko (or aspd kamakura which... idk i havent thought abt other than "maybe?") bc if i saw anyone ELSE do it id think "oh. oh no. theyre saying that bc shes the Evil One" bc i doooont trust ppl atp with all the shit ive seen in fandom

but my personal view on it is that most people with aspd will be normal people with a mental illness, and some of them will be dangerous, abusive people. thats life! i see this tip with writing gay villians, and i thjnk it applies here: its totally fine to write an antagonist with aspd! ...so long as theyre not the *only* person w aspd in the story. if theres just one pwaspd in the story, the "burden of representation" so to say is placed on them, but if there are multiple, that burden is not only shared, but itll be placed on the character thats closest to the protagonist, ESPECIALLY if it just straight up *is* the protagonist

i think both our hcs are valid tho!!! i just sharin my thoughts! and after all, no reason why she cant have both- i do!

THO ON GOD junko getting meds fixing her is so funny 😭😭 get this bitch medicated and hobbified!!! junko being the ultimate analyst as ryoko is so sad tbh bc like, shes extremely smart but because shes pretty, those smarts were disregarded. she ended the world but she was a kid once too and she was failed!!!

@kindlyre

Okay I'm VERY curious as to what mental illness you're writing Rantaro to have because it seems to be one of those stigmatized ones and I'm v curious???

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

~*~

1. Hello! This is my first time doing this but do you happen to know a mdzs fic where yzy is jgs consort and the jiang sibs are his children? I just remembered it now and can't find it. This is jiang family bashing I think. Thank you very much!

FOUND? Could this one be “OOC!” by A_flower_in_the_snow that was reuploaded on Wattpad

~*~

2. hello mods!! i am trying to find a fic that i know has been asked for before but i can't find any of those posts. dragon!wwx was courting lwj in both human and dragon form, lwj didn't realize they were the same and rejected human!wwx which wwx took as a rejection of both sides, and there was something about meddling elders. but wwx held onto a one-sided dragon bond so he knew when CR was attacked and flew there to protect it and got severely injured. please help!!

FOUND? flame and rust by cl410 (M, 34k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Happy ending, Dragon WWX, Fluff and Humor, Light angst)

FOUND? Of Skin and Scales by firesonic152 (E, 21k, WangXian, Dragon WWX, Pining, Slow Burn, Miscommunication, Explicit Sexual Content, Bottom LWJ, Interspecies Romance, Interspecies Sex, Size Difference)

FOUND? no other cloud compares to you by ectocosme (M, 125k, WangXian, ChengSong, Canon Divergence, Dragons, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Romance, Courtship, Slow Burn,Slow Build, Action, Identity Issues, Misunderstandings, Mistaken Identity, Kinda, Heartbreak, Getting Back Together, Angst with a Happy Ending, War, Violence, Mental Anguish) WWX courts LWJ in dragon form as also in his human form but LWJ mistakenly thinks the dragon (introduced as 'Mianlong') is a separate being and thinks human!WWX is not serious but only teasing so turns him down in "no other cloud compares to you" by ectocosme (must be signed into AO3 to read)

~*~

3. hi again hehe<333 i would like to find a fic i read that i havent finished, the only things i remember are wangxian in an arranged marriage but live separately(not really sure), then lwj was forced to have a concubine which was wenqing, wei ying then leaves cloud recesses(not really sure if it happened) to live in yiling then he takes in xueyang and mo xuanyu and another lady who was pregnant. wenqing visits them to talk to wwx about lwj or something. amd then something like an ambush or war happens and wwx went to fight(?) when he returned to yiling he found out that the girl gave birth to twins but died. thats all i could remember sorry😅 oh and the reason why wq became lwj concubine was because of wrh pressuring gusu lan? i think? not really sure if its the same fic since ive read so many mdzs fics already hehe but anyways thank you for all the hard work!<333 enjoy your day!!!

FOUND? A Price To Pay by wangxianist (E, 116k, WangXian, XuanLi, Arranged Marriage, Prophecies and Curses, Angst with a Happy Ending, Accidental Baby Acquisition, warning for yzy’s f minus parenting, Cultivation Sect Politics, Family Drama, Canon Divergence, Explicit Smut)

~*~

4. I’ve got another Fic Finder that, if answered, will fulfill a Mood/Compilation request—specifically Disabled Wangxian. This was a modern AU where we meet WWX as a young child with cerebral palsy; he had his canonical high intelligence and cheerful outgoing disposition; he signed, used a wheelchair, and loved Kirby.

~*~

5. hi <3 i lost a fic that im pretty sure is quite popular, but i have no idea how to go about looking for it. all i remember is that a small thing changes, and then in the scene where teen lwj kneels beside wwx so they can both be punished, wwx jumps to cover him bodily, yelling something like 'no you wont hurt my lan zhan it wasnt his fault' (?) possibly maybe it was lxc pov?? it maaaay have had something to do with time travel?? (not wwx tho).. i really dont know :D thank you!! (Ugh, I swear I’ve read this fic at some point :’) ~Mod L)

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6. This one might be tricky because I don't remember if it was here on tumblr, on ao3, or a twitter fic. Basically, Lan Wangji snaps for Wei Wuxian to leave him alone during their studies at Cloud Recesses, and Wei Wuxian does, aware he's probably gone too far in his teasing. Naturally Wangji regrets this, but doesn't manage to patch things up before Wei Wuxian goes home. What there was was fairly short, but quite angsty.

FOUND? I believe 6 might be this twitter fic?

~*~

7. Hello, I've been looking for a fic where cangse sanren was born as man and created a complex spell to change her body to that of a woman, and as a result from the this, wwx has a womb even though he has external reproductive organs of a male. I think jfm knew of the transformation csr did to her body.

FOUND? Until The End by abCEE (M, 365k, wangxian, LWJ & LSZ & WWX, established relationship, communication, mpreg, good uncle LQR, BAMF JYL, canon-typical violence, LSZ is wangxian’s son, WWX has new golden core, fix-it of sorts, canonical character death (WWX), happy ending)

FOUND? 🧡Like Rabbits by Setari (T, 41k, WangXian, Kid fic, Canon rewrite, Mpreg, Miscarriage scare, Crack treated seriously, Hopeful ending)

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8. Hello I'm just wondering if you can find this ao3 fic wherein wwx didn't died on the cliff but got saved and lived a life with another identity because he has amnesia also he and lwj has a son which is lan yuan and no one died in that fic jiang yanli is alived

FOUND? Until The End by abCEE (M, 365k, wangxian, LWJ & LSZ & WWX, established relationship, communication, mpreg, good uncle LQR, BAMF JYL, canon-typical violence, LSZ is wangxian’s son, WWX has new golden core, fix-it of sorts, canonical character death (WWX), happy ending) The amnesia bit comes somewhere around chapter 17ish

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9. Hi ! I was wondering if you guys could help me find a fic, it’s about lwj accidentally killing wwx in nightless city but then both of them get transported back into the past in cloud recesses arc. wwx avoids lwj all the time in the beginning. it’s a really angsty one but in the end they still end up together. tysm for your help !! @makkachiin​

FOUND! 💖 Regrets by antebunny (G, 37k, wangxian, canon divergence, temporary character death, miscommunication, misunderstanding, time travel fix-it, angst w/ happy ending, fluff, hurt/comfort)

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10. Hello pls help I’m looking for a fic I read and lost where Wwx is kept as a prisoner of war in the unclean realm after saving the wens and jgy threatens him so he’s like all by himself and falls into a real bad depression?? Thank u so much for all u do 💕💕💕💕💕💕 @bmgh-writing​

FOUND! Always walked a very thin line by tucuxi (T, 22k, NHS & WWX, JYL & WWX, wangxian, depression, anxiety, everyone lives au, except JZXun & JGS, self-worth issues, slow burn, oblivious WWX, golden core reveal, chronic pain & illness, pining)

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11. Hi! I'm looking for a fic that was like a video game tutorial. The game covered the events up to WWX's death, and there was some dating sim element. LWJ was obviously not an available target, but LXC and NHS were. The player could participate in killing WWX, and I think the tutorial said how this was super difficult.

Towards the end of the tutorial/fic, there was a part 2 published that covered the events after WWX's death, and if the player was close to/dating NHS he'd confide in her after his brother's death. If the player lived in Cloud Recesses because she bought a house there or was married to LXC, then she might meet A-Yuan, but only if she didn't participate in WWX's death, because otherwise LWJ would never let her see his son.

Hope someone can find it, and thank you! @pasmika

FOUND! Grandmaster of Cultivation: Walkthrough and Guide by athylia (Not rated, 4k, wangxian, social media, rpg au, dating sim au, romance)

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12. Hello! Im looking for a wangxian fic where lwj was married to yiling patriarch in exchange for help in the war by the lan clan. I dont remember if wwx was a god or just powerful, but he watched and cared for the wens. It was a multi chapter fic and slow burn. I remember they went to a festival at some point and wwx would give small gifts and theyd eat dinner together sometimes. The main thing i remember tho is that lwj was given his own home and in it was a koi pond that hed take care of and really liked. I think lwj also wrote his brother letters

FOUND? This sounds a lot like 💖 love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, immortal WWX, slow burn, pining, arranged marriage, Mojo’s post)  

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13. Hi im trying to find a cute wx fic that takes place during lan student arc. The only thing i remember is one scene which is where i think lwj took the blame for something so he was being caned but wwx showed up, admitted his fault, then started to be caned too. Then both of them confessed to each in front of everyone watching while receiving punishment. I think it all occurred from a misunderstanding. I remember it being a funny fic and ive been trying to find it

FOUND! Pygmalion by syrus_jones (T, 18k, wangxian, crack treated seriously, fluff, humor, angst w/ happy ending, gremlin WWX, repressed LWJ, first kiss, confession, pining, misunderstandings, comedy of errors, WIP)

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14. Hey ! This request is for the ficfinder : I don't remember the title but WWX was a Wen and CSR was WRH's sister. WWX was also the heir to the Wen throne. LJY was LWJ's adopted son and after the burning of CL, when they were bring the Lans etc WWX took LWJ to Nightless City and married him. And at the end of the story it was revealed that LQR, YZY and maybe the Nie and Jin sect leader time travelled. And maybe CSR did too. And yes, WX became the boyfriend if NMJ. After everything was over WWX and LWJ ruled together as equals. I loved this story but i can't seem to find it again. Please help me here ! Thanks for your precious time :) @purhplet09

FOUND! To the Heavens and the Earth by IsilmeLasgalen (E, 77k, WangXian, NingSong, XuanLi, MingXu, ChengYu, WWX is a Wēn, Marriage of Convenience, Accidental Marriage, Implied Mpreg, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, CSSR and WCZ Live, Cultivation Sect Politics, Bottom LWJ, Top WWX, Good Person WRH, Immortal WangXian, POV LXC, Mpreg, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Emperor WWX, Emperor LWJ, Past WWX/Other(s), Everybody Lives, Fluff, Angst, Smut, LWJ is LJY's Parent)

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15. Hiya! First of all, thank you for all your hard work - I can't imagine how much organisation this blog takes!

I am looking for a very specific fic - wangxian, xuanli at the very least - takes place post-Sunshot. At one point (I believe during the Phoenix Mtn hunt) someone targets JXN but force-feeding his dog a magic core stone which causes it to grow into a massive dog yao and WWX and JXN have to fight it off together. Later one of JXN's other dogs is force-fed a core stone while a whole load of cultivators are trapped in a building and JXN has to stick his hand in its mouth to pull the stone out. Pretty sure JGY and SMS were behind all the plots/shenanigans.

(Sorry, I can't remember much more, but I just have this very specific scene stuck in my head.) @katonahottinroof​

FOUND! ❤️ a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke (M, 180k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, arranged marriage)

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16. hello im looking for this fic it's a fix-it i think. the scene i remember is wwx is trying to get lwj to leave and he tries to say he doesn't love lwj but lwj gets angry and is like don't insult me by lying to me and telling me you don't love me. a big thank you for all that you do bc this is where i get old lost fics and new ones too!

FOUND! ❤️ Standing Engagement by x_los (M, 18k, wangxian, misunderstandings, accidental engagement, sunshot campaign, golden core reveal, accidental relationship, WQ lives, everyone lives au, Mojo’s post)

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17. Hiii sorry I don't know how this works. But I am looking for this one specific fic I believe it was more than a one-shot. From what I remember was that LWJ was obsessive and WWX was oblivious LWJ killed I think a friend of WWX at midnight at school and tried to cover up the body. A girl who WWX flirted with constantly and who LWJ threaten to stay away from WWX found him and the body at the bathroom of the school and LWJ threaten her to help him cover the body. The next thing I remember is he is stalking WWX and I believe WWX somehow ended up in LWJ's house there is banging from the basement and LWJ is acting suspicious then he cooks food for WWX then makes a joke about the food being JC and throughout WWX stay he hears banging in the basement and he tells LWJ and he lies about it and he goes to the basement to find out that I believe it was JC who was tied up and they tried to escape but WWX stayed behind that all I can remember. thank you @kawaiiskeletonlamphero

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18. Hello I don't know if this is where to post to find a fic but I'll try anyway.

I cant remember much plot wise but I'll give a brief run down of what I can recall.

It's a wangxian fic with wei ying being the bottom. There is mpreg but I'm not sure it's is omegaverse or not. There is a suprise reveal later after the pregnancy is announced that wei ying is pregnant with TRIPLETS. I think lan zhan or lan qiren faint when this is revealed. Pretty sure it's a happy ending fic.

Sorry it's not much to go on but it's all I can remember. @sumzie

FOUND? Littlest Miracles by Vrishchika (M, 5k, wangxian, dragon wangxian, established relationship, mpreg, tenderness, fluff, not JC friendly, noodle babies)

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19. Okay so I have another fic finder, whenever you're able to get to it! All I remember was that it was the beginning of the cloud recesses lectures and, instead of sneaking in and getting into a romantic sword fight under the moonlight with his soul mate, wwx is already a little drunk and instead ends up slipping while climbing the wall and falling on his head. Lwj finds him immediately and wwx has a very serious head injury and so has to spend some time in the infirmary. I think there was some stuff that happened after he healed, and he and lwj were together soon enough. I'm pretty sure it was an au that only took place in the lectures? At least I don't remember it delving into any of the war stuff. I know that it was complete though! I've tried a few different tags, but I've had no luck so far. Thank you in advance!! @suibian800 (I'm pretty sure I know what fic this is but I forgot the name, LWJ had to do an ancient technique to save WWX by connecting their qi and spent the rest of the fic trying to restrain himself from "side-effects" (horny thoughts), right? - Mod C)

Yes!!! I'm almost 100% sure the fic I'm looking for also had the mind connection thing. And wwx fully accepted that he'd fallen in love with lwj but lwj thought it was just the connection and was determined to break it. I think he avoided wwx even after that too maybe??? I don't really remember how it ended 😂 but I'm pretty sure it was happy ending!! (If it is indeed the fic I am thinking of, then I am pretty sure they "pretend" to be in love before LWJ gets the connection removed and then it ends with LWJ showing up in lotus pier and kissing WWX, wish I could also remember the name for you 🥲) - Mod C)

FOUND! All at Once It's You by tiptoe39 (E, 28k, WangXian, Accidental Bonding, Love Curse, AU: No Plot Happens, The Wens Are Not Evil, Gusu Lan Summer School, CQL Universe, But I Stole a Scene from the MDZS Novel, JC is a Supportive Brother????, There is One (1) Sex Scene, Like Nie Huaisang It Is Just There to Make Up the Numbers, Qi Does What I Want It to Do So There, Internalized Homophobia) (I'm pretty sure I found it! This is the one right? - Mod C)

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20. Hi Mods! Thank you so much for all the you are doing :)

I am trying to find this fic where Jiang Cheng does the soul summoning after Jin Ling is killed by JGY? or something. WWX is very angry and tears into all the sect leaders including NHS. Hope you can help me find it. Thanks!

FOUND! The Day's Relentless Light by donutsweeper ( T, 1k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Lots of People Die, Canon-Typical Violence, Revenge, Non-Mo Xuanyu Summoning Ritual, Worse Timeline, Character Death, Dark)

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[scourgefrontiers]

im going insane so im going to tell you about it and by that i mean make a post to scream into the void about my troubles

this will be a rambly, stream of consciousness post so watch out. unmedicated adhd brain shenanigans are afoot

i feel like i need to draw for myself more. i try to very often, i do, but i still feel like im caught in the whole “if i dont draw for attention then whats the point” hellhole that ive been trying to get out of for years. but i feel like the reason for this is that i literally Need the attention to up my chances for commissioners??? because thats how i make a living rn???  like i literally rely on commissions as my main source of income and that pays for shit like rent and medication and appointments and food :( i barely buy shit for myself anymore b/c im putting it all towards needs and not wants

also im worried my merch wont pop off as well as it did when i first released the submas merch. i know those were in high demand, but im afraid the demand will go to single digit sales for them as well as everything else i sell.  im honestly thinking about just buying very small stock, maybe 10 of each item at most, and opening the orders that way (after i ship things out of course).  speaking of shipping my last shipment STILL hasnt come in and im a little frustrated b/c im like. bruh i need to ship out these preorders. im not gonna do preorders in the future i dont think, im waiting way too long for this stock to come in :( i dont want yall to wait forever for like..a keychain

ive been trying to work here and there on both villain + school and facets (facets is completely written and scripted, v+s just recently got solidified as an outline Finally) but i kinda only had energy to do so for One Day so im not sure when those’ll be out lmfao. sorry bout that

i want to make more ocs, i havent made new ocs in a hot minute and im like :( wah. my character design brain is kaput right now.  i wanna make more cool db ocs and such like i used to. it used to bring me so much joy.  or maybe even inazuma eleven ocs idk im just wanting New Boys

i have so much to do or at least so much i could be doing. like i could make new merch art but that feels pointless if i dont have the money to buy the merch. i still need to ship out my FIRST orders, christ.  and im trying so hard to get commissions rolling so i CAN ship out my shit but :( its a struggle. im struggling. god im stressed to hell and back hi

sometimes i do be like i wanna die !  but i wont.  i’ll be ok things will be ok.  i will get commissions its only the 6th.  i have time. and im going to check out some cons that i can maybe table at in the future. thatd be wonderful. fuck i need to reprint my business cards with my updated twitter im a little mad i ended up getting my account unsuspended right after i made those cards. at least i only made 50 of them i guess

i need like an online journal or something to write this shit into instead of like, a public tumblr post LMFAO. but i cant use washi tape online so there goes that /hj

i really really need to figure out a way to let the general furry population know that i will draw their stuff for commissions. like. i Will. i Have. i Can.  just give me a chance bro i’ll draw your inflation fetish art just give me a chance to make some money to live LOL.  i would draw more furry art but i am so unmotivated and sluggish its so hard..

i kinda feel like i should try to get back into adoptables too but ive been so depressed and down and unmotivated its really really hard for me to design things for myself let alone to sell. so im like ok now what i have no income. im too brain fucky to get a “real job” so im just like. sits here on my ass doing absolutely nothing except being sad.  ok so i might have depression

anyway life is hard thanks for putting up with me

[jupitercl0uds]

ive just been reminded of stuff oh no

if youve read most of my posts since like mid august, maybe september onwards, youll know that i am STRUGGLING rn. while its been all over the place, having highs and lows, i seriously havent been this bad since 2020/21. i know the reasonable thing to do is take a break, but i cant do that because i have pitiful impulse control atm. that being said, the only thing to really stop me is to deactivate. my main blog's been going for years now, so i dont want to lose everything, though i also get the urge to occasionally.

the issue is, the only times i actually feel almost fully comfortable in a social circle is on tumblr and even then im still scared and awkward. my school friends keep saying really hurtful stuff and while a lot of it is just as a joke, theres almost no time to be serious with them. ive tried. i weakly asked them to stop calling everything retarded more months before finally putting my foot down and demanding, although it took a month of 'retard! whoops, i shouldnt say that' before they just went straight back to it.

my family loves me but i dont like it here. i dont think i even can get into it because its complicated. just know ive seen and HEARD a lot over my short life and its finally starting to catch up to me.

as for the other kids in my school, im in an awkward spot. im honestly fairly 'normal', just with slight outbursts from time to time, but ive always been weird so i always will be. oh, year 9 me, how naïve you were. they don't care if you have an autism diagnosis, if you mask or not, you will NEVER be normal, you will NEVER be accepted and they dont care if theres a reason. if anything, that makes it worse.

im only ever happy when im on tumblr or doing something sonic related. on tumblr, im insecure that nobody really likes me or someone's going to manipulate me, with no amount of reassuring being enough to change that. and as youve already seen me say, sonic is 'too childish', no matter how heavy the themes can be.

this always happens. pre-2020, i didnt really use social media much and i was 11 oldest, so my main escape was roblox/youtube. in 2020-22, i was only happy when chatting to friends on discord. that was ruined when we all started to argue and drift apart. in 2022-23, it was tiktok. this was then ruined when popular kids found my silly waluigi tiktoks and started sharing them around. i havent used tiktok since june and i havent posted a public video since may.

but then, last year, i remembered i had a tumblr account. i started to use it more. and then, when sonic got involved and suddenly i was becoming friends with people, i started to feel my absolute happiest. i was euphoric.

until, of course, my brain struck.

if my birthday werent at the end of august, i think i would be much worse than i currently am, because at least i had a short break to be happy. school was off to a bad start from the very beginning. i didnt sleep the night before my first day, nor did i sleep before the second. what's worse, mum didn't let me stop working at the charity shop i had THOUGHT was for the summer, because, you know, i dont have anything on my plate, im able to just have a designated day of the week where i have to be productive. nope! ive had my days off, but ive still had work every week. is it hard? no! do i have the spoons to go most weeks? also no!

thats not to mention exams. ive always been a well performing student and will be surprised if i fail even 1 gcse, but im not the top of any of my classes, not even the ones im passionate about. no, i dont have to be, i know, but when you grow up as a kid who often IS the top of their year in something, the moment you aren't, you feel like a failure. even if i get all 9s and a d* in drama, there'll be someone who gets more than me in something, and i know i definitely wont get all 9s and a d* in drama. i was proud for a moment, for being top of english, until i found out a girl ive known since primary got a 9 in an english language mock. english language. my favourite english and the subject im best at. needless to say, i was miserable. i barely even slept across the course of my mocks and wont be surprised if i do the same for my gcses.

i sometimes wonder if im just not built for the world, which could honestly be the case. because i have low support needs and my biggest problems are sensory issues (which can be easy to prevent) and social problems, i forget im even allowed to be disabled by autism. but i think that honestly might just be the case.

ive always wanted to be a teacher or an animator, hopefully both, but im starting to wonder if i can do either. animator has such a big workload. teacher also has a big workload, but i know because my family is full of teachers and artists that it's the kind of workload i can manage. but the kids? could i control the kids? could they even take an autistic, nonbinary teacher seriously? again, i dont have high support needs, but its hard not to notice im autistic. of course, if everything goes to plan, i would probably start teaching in the 2030s earliest, 2050s latest, so the world will have changed, but how much?

i get most of these are problems out of my control, but i suppose im just scared and tired of living. that's why i make a million posts a minute: i cant get a word in edgeways with anyone else. that's why i get so apologetic: id get ridiculed for trying otherwise. i get that im annoying and boring. i should know. when i was 3, my dad infodumped about back to the future to me for about half an hour and it was such a tiring experience that it still gets brought up. so i get it, it's annoying when all i care to talk about is sonic. but its the one thing i can care about right now. the world is in ruin and i hate being alive. i dont even have enough motivation to act upon any occasional suicidal/self harming thoughts.

but life goes on and there's no way to stop it.

[garrothromeave]

the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go 

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 

[lupinzapezit]

hello i thought it was probably time for a state of the blog update so,,, if you wanna know where ive been and whats happening read below (tw for mental health / s.uicide mentions)

if you do read, please like this post just for my own knowledge

okay so first of all i rly hate to be making this post because i absolutely hate being that person in the rpc who just constantly whines and guilt trips people over their own mental health without taking steps irl to work on it. im not gonna go into a lot of detail bc frankly its a lot and i dont super feel like it. (also i feel like its only kinda acceptable when the Big Blogs post a lot of ooc which i am definitely not, like my value is only tied to how much content i output but thats something im working on in my own time and not anyones fault persay)

basically i had a lot of shit happen at the end of 2019 that cause me to go into a very low period and while i was working on improving from that time, obviously the world had different plans plus last year was my final year of uni. i moved out in february this year in the hopes that it would continue to help me heal but along with the fallout of some other events, it’s left me incredibly alone and with a fraction of the support network i once had. june was extremely rough for me where i attempted twice and nearly didnt make it to my 21st birthday.

pretty much with working in customer service and australia being in and out of lockdown constantly (which makes my work much busier because people contact us when they cant go into stores), ive barely had any room to breathe or to try and work through things? and because writing is tied to my goal career of film and thats been difficult as well, you can probably guess why ive been struggling lately to be on tumblr and to write.

now dont get me wrong i adore my muses and being able to write. bucky has been an extremely fun and interesting character for me to explore. i literally never thought i’d end up writing a marvel muse and its caused a lot of hesitation due to how i approach him and feeling insecure. which is fine! thats natural! and ive been doing my best not to project those insecurities onto the dash and my partners but because of how poor my mental health is lately, that means ive just been very inactive. tumblr has always felt like a place where if you’re not constantly active then you lose people and while i know that’s not necessarily the case, it’s still a struggle. when i am here, it just feels like yelling into a void which is not a great motivator.

so what does this actually mean? tbh i’m still trying to figure that out. i made this blog initially with the intent of it being quite small and focused on character exploration n the like and i do still want to keep that goal. there’s a lot to bucky i still very much want to write and explore which i havent because of various reasons. i dont necessarily want to leave but i feel increasingly unsure about my presence which sucks because i have made some very good friends in the last year and a bit stint ive had on tumblr since leaving my old main rpc. i dont really want to give up this passion. 

for the time being, i’m probably still going to be low activity and my presence on the dash will be minimal. if that turns you off, feel free to soft block or unfollow. you can tailor your own experience the way you want. replies are probably going to be more queued and i wanna put a stronger emphasis on longer threads and character/dynamic development as i originally intended. again thats not everyone’s cup of tea so if you wanna leave then feel free. but atm i dont really feel connected to my partners and mutuals which sucks and i wanna improve on that. btw if you are reading this and youre down with this, message me and say hi!! i know that tumblr rp has developed this culture of not approaching people (and i struggle w this too) but the easiest way to plot with me is just to ask.

so yeah! tldr; brain extremely sucks, been feeling very disconnected and uncertain about my muse/writing capabilities/general self esteem, trying to work on that by taking things at my own pace and having bigger threads/metas more infrequently. i’ll still be more active on discord of course but hopefully these steps will help me feel a bit better about being here. 

thanks for reading all of this if you did, i really appreciate it :)

[surviving---not---living]

What the fuck do I do?...

**tw emotional/physical abuse mentions**

posted this on reddit with different ages and such so he wont find it but he doesnt use tumblr so I wanted to post here to see if yall had some suggestions as well any help would be greatly appreciated or to just know someone read would also be enough... with that said I'll paste the post.

to start I'm 23f and the fiance is 38m

I have an idea of what i should do i just sincerely dont want to i dont want to leave him homeless and without money or a job...

but the last few months have me scared and confused...

(during arguments he let's me write down what's happening when I hear something that stands out to me in Hope's itll help me fix my behaviour i got from my parents so ive been able to write down exact wording on some things said) theres just so much going on...

to preface this hes never been physically abusive to me and thankfully it's not there yet. in his defense though i was raised very incorrectly due to shit parents and I have a lot of mental issues that cause self sabotage, delusional thinking- meaning If I personally believe something it usually takes a small war to get my mind to recognize im actually wrong, as well as terrible memory so if I do acknowledge I've done something wrong more often than not my head forgets what happened or what i even did wrong if anything and the next time it inevitably happens again I have no information to pull from to tell me what I did was wrong or why. so basically I'm kind of a fuck up, I'm doing my best to fix my shit but yeah my fiance has been dealing with all of that for 4 years now.

(*some minorly important issues

•he's been interrupting me not letting me finish what I'm saying and just outright changing the topic since we first got together, although wrong of me I started doing that as well because i saw no other way to be able to speak to him except even when I'm doing the exact same shit hes doing it seems like hes the only allowed to be upset.

•we were in an open relationship except he didnt follow the rules we agreed to one time and that broke my trust I had for him. we said no coworkers, we said only people we were both interested in we said no one that's taken and yet all of those got broken over an ugly bitch. and I still get shit for bringing it up to this day.

•he said that until I start prefacing all of my conversations with him he wont count any attempt I've made at talking to him about my problems. so basically everything I've tried talking to him about doesnt fucking matter and it doesnt fucking count. not even when I tried telling him 3 separate times I'm feeling suicidal to top it off everytime i mentioned it, it ended in an argument.

•he told me he got suicidal thoughts for the first time in 10 years due to me and honestly I didnt know how to fucking respond to that. it made me sad yeah but where was the care I needed when I brought up the same thing? where was his give a fuck hes supposed to show if he actually cares about me??

•he says he interrupts me because what I have to say is either false, not grounded in reality, or they're excuses. except he has little to no way of knowing any of that is true unless he hears me all the way out I could be agreeing with him and he still interrupts and gets pissed.

•I believe hes a hypocrite but he says nah hes only doing this because I'm doing bad.

•hes said multiple times that i wont see any improvement in him until he sees I've got my shit together. even though hes the one that caused the first problems in this relationship I'm supposed to be the first one to fix my shit? instead of both of us working on our shit together??? and when I ask those questions he responds with yes you are supposed to be the first one to fix your shit because I'm at the end of my rope and I wont take this anymore.)

but on to why I've been scared. this person told me he used to be abusive with an equally abusive ex for many reasons and after splitting up he vowed to never do that again and never end up like they did.

fast forward to our relationship and well a few months ago he told me he wanted to hit me and made it a point to say he wasnt going to but he really wanted to.

he said that because we were both in my car and he wanted to leave with the car except I wasnt going to get out of MY car so he started yelling, i got scared and left later on he told me that was the first time hes ever wanted to hit me and I should think about what it is I did to get him to that point. after that I left it alone for a month because things got a bit better and then came the next time he said he wanted to hit me. now I dont remember the reason for him saying it the second time but I wasnt going to let that slip as easily as the first so I spoke up about it and what he had to say about me telling him it made me scared of him to know he wanted to hit me was " well if you Weren't a coward, normally when someone says they want to hit you it's a signal that you're doing something so wrong that they want to hit you." and me knowing him i knew this was one of those times he just wasnt going to budge.

so on to the next argument.

he told me I'm the one who thrust those thoughts into him, that I'm the reason they ever came to be, I'm why the exist in the first place. and he doesnt seem to understand when I say that no I'm not the reason your head wants to hurt me they exist there because of your last relationship letting that be an option. he also said he keeps the option of abuse in his head with a line in front of it to remind him to never pass that line and he doesn't understand that keeping that idea in his head at all is not a good thing because now the option is available whether you want to take it or not and

he. just. kept. arguing. and defending.

now on to the last argument.

he says he wants me to stop putting him in a position to do all the thinking and decision making for me, when I've asked him multiple times to stop doing that because I want to do shit for myself and all he keeps saying is show me that you can actually think for yourself and I'll stop needing to do that. like motherfucker at least give me the time to make decisions or thoughts.

I know it's not his fault that I take longer to process things but he knows this fact and keeps expecting me to already have a response half a second later to something I'm barely registering 5 seconds after it happened and again yes I know its something I have to work on and I am but atm it's still an existing issue.

hes trying to call thinking for me and making decisions for me "a gift" (the exact context for him saying this wasnt written down as I was too upset at the audacity of that claim.)

he wants me to show overwhelming efforts to fix my fucked behavioral issues but the efforts I'm putting in atm dont matter to him and that hes hanging on a single thread hes no longer willing to take anything but Absolute compliance(yes he used the actual words absolute compliance) if he doesnt see me losing sleep to figure out and fix my shit he wont be convinced I'm trying. he ended that segment with him saying hes not using these words to control or manipulate me. he says this is a requirement a yes or no and he wont make his decision on whether he wants to break up with me until I say yes or no to his absolute compliance. he said his decision is solely based on my answer and If i say yes i dont get to back off or get out of it.

I also wrote down a quote he said that was just so arrogant i couldnt leave it out.

"You sit before an artisan of problem solving." -my fiance

soo haha yeahh the last argument happened right before going to bed and I started typing this as soon as I got up and finished my hygiene stuff.

I'm pretty sure if he had never told me he'd wanted to hit me this wouldn't be such a difficult thing to answer... I love him and I have no idea if I should pick him and risk any form of my safety or just let him leave me.. he has no job, no money, and no family to go to.. I know he doesnt care about being homeless but I do care..I fucking love him and I dont want that for him not even for a day... as shitty as he and I can both be I still dont believe that's what he deserves... if he ever finds this hell be even more pissed that I'm even concerned about what he'll do if he leaves.. he always told me to not care and that if I ever do want to leave him to not worry about that and just get it over with sooner.. thing is I dont want to leave I just want my baby back... the one that didnt yell or didnt want to hit me at all... I want our old relationship back.. I guess I want to know if that's even possible at this point. any words from anyone would be really nice right now.. if only to just feel like someone's talking to me.. my fiance is literally the only person I talk to and the closest thing to a friend I have. and i dont tell my parents any of what's happening because they're stressed enough so I've been basically alone for 4 years with no one but my fiance to talk to..

granted it's my fault I havent made other friends but I've been so stressed recently that I havent done much about it for many reasons..

update: he just finished telling me that hes only had half a burger in the last 3 days, (due to stress) he just wanted to let me know that apparently.

[jcfoxington]

@sambambucky​ : “pls... Pastels, Peaches and Pain??? among us first draft??? marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts (it’s not an au!?!??!)

hi jo !!! Pastels, Peaches, and Pain is one of those sambucky wips i have mostly fully fleshed out in my head because of one (1) extreme moment of clarity after a rogue ‘what if’ tangent thought but havent written anything of yet out of restraint / knowing i need to finish at least one of my current sambucky wips before i start it or none of them will get done

this was the rogue tangent thought: “what if Sam is haunted by Figaro’s ghost and has been since he was a kid?”. i’ve changed the ghost cat to not be Figaro but that’s the premise !

i refer to the fic as the cat fic ‘cause the whole plot is based around sam’s ghost cat companion insisting he adopts nat’s cat Liho after endgame and then Figaro later and then [insert redacted because plot spoilers but just know it relates to Alpine]. no im not projecting my feelings about cats idk what youre talking about 

here’s some note snippets just for you:

the cat, inexplicably, takes a liking to bucky, which is really annoying bc sam doesnt know how to explain to him that all the oddly soft gusts of wind are actually sam's dead cat insisting on getting pats

bucky getting shade thrown at him by said ghost cat during all of tfatws + them making up (and not out. yet)

starts when sam's a kid & follows him as he grows up w/ a ghost kitty as a companion only he can see & interact with + angst with an undertone of comedy + getting together

he whispers to ghost kitty, who simply mmrrs happily

for the among us first draft thing, what basically happened is i saw this tweet and this video and my brain latched onto these dynamics so hard i had to write about them. 

here’s a sketch of my two main imposters, Black (left) and Cyan (right):

and here’s a snippet:

The thing having Cyan pause and stare out at the asteroid field is how the colors stretch to family. When they and Black came aboard, they had thought every crewmember was an adult working on the planet-change project. That the patch of off-white with a black something-pattern-or-shape signified status. In a way, Cyan supposes it does, but just not the way they expected. They had expected it to show what rank an individual held within the hierarchy of the crew, from deckhand to division leader to captain, not to show that you're family of the crew and not actually part of the crew itself. 

There are innocents on this ship. Children. It was not something any of them had anticipated, and not something Cyan had been prepared to deal with. They and Black boarded this horrible place to eradicate a threat, believing each and single one of the humans were accomplishes and dedicated to the goal of destroying Cyan and Black's species, and their planet. But, now?

marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts... doesn’t have a wip title or seperate document for itself yet cause it’s been stuck in my ‘story ideas’ document since its creation. so ‘marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts’ is literally just me describing the vibe of an original world gjkerfkds

the world came to be for two reasons. firstly, i want to do make take on a superhero universe because the plot and complete lack of communication in both the dcu and mcu piss me the fuck off. secondly, needed a place to dump ocs with elaborate backstories or fantasy / sci-fi abilities that dont fit into any of my existing worlds

which sounds super competent but trust me, it isn’t. it didn’t gain any solidity at all until i decided to do a personal ‘how different can i make spn castiel look & still retain the same vibe?’ challenge. i have my own cas now

however, the reason i said ‘marvel meets...’ is because i’ve snagged a couple of different things from the mcu, most notably: enemies to reluctant coworkers to lovers, yes our best friend have the same name. no they’re not the same person, secret evil org is controlling the government, and the assassin that tried to kill you several times is now your best friend

warframe was added to the world because i got attached to my Volt build, gave them a name, and have some headcanons idk what to do with because i refuse to interact with that fandom. also because the friend i made through discussing warframe lore + plot dicked me over so it feels Bad to create for

the glue to this whole mess is that one “in every friend group there’s a mean bisexual, an even meaner lesbian, a she/they, a he/they, a himbo, an astrology bitch, a short king, and a token straight” tumblr post. my main group of superheroes ala the avengers consist of these people. the token straight is the only one i havent figured out who is yet

ever since i figured that out ive been throwing story / character ideas and weirdly specific aesthetics from popular tumblr posts into this world’s notes. here’s some examples:

sword grandmas

that trope where someone’s really nice and acts super well-adjusted to society but then they do something super whack and dangerous and you realize ‘oh they’re secretly a little bit insane, actually’

anti-gay group’s leader’s wife leaves him for another woman

superhero who swore to be the best hero [city / planet / solar system / continent / ????] has ever seen ever since he lost his wife. not because she’s dead but divorce just sucks & the hero-to-be is terrible at coping

dishevelled swamp witch

that one person who runs around with an amulet all the time & isn’t aware it’s cursed

an exasperated, tired superhuman assassin running after their husband and their husband's best friend. their husband and said husband's best friend both have wings. chaos ensues (yes, this one is a sambucky post)

ask me about my WIPs!

BONUS:

@sambambucky​​ : #i want to have a coffee and listen to synopses of all of these.... #i miss the discord wow #WRITING TAG #waitttt time jumping dream movie? lmao I'VE READ THIS LIST FORTY TIMES and every time i rediscover something i wanna know about #outfit doodlesss ugh i need to go

couldnt not respond to your tags because they make me go ghrkjfnerknf but in the good way. we miss you too jo !!

the time jumping dream movie was one of the first vivid dreams i had and the whole thing was so stupidly coherent and whacky i had to write it down. it grew plot, a queer love dynamic, weird sci-fi apocalypse elements, anti-military propaganda, questionable science, and a sequel while i wasnt looking and now i just. have to make it a real movie or i’ll combust

outfit djoodlles.png is only on there because my best friend sent me a ‘draw this outfit’ meme and space kitty, my current character brainrot, stole all the outfits for himself. otherwise, that file just sits there until im feeling like designing an outfit or wanna see how a stupid thing looks on my oc patrick

here’s one of the two poses-to-doodle-outfits-on of space kitty ive made so far:

and here’s one of those stupid things on patrick (that then turned into an actual outfit of his because i have no self control):