#doing schoolwork stresses me out but so does not doing schoolwork @_@ only for a little bit longer...

[alexispunkkk]

stress remedy

୨ৎ ୨ৎ ୨ৎ

- pairing: peter parker x fem!reader

- summary: after some stressful times with school, peter surprises his pretty girlfriend with some flowers

- warnings: basically nothing, just pure fluffy! some kissing + mentions of stress

- word count: 1.7k

- author’s note: hiii! my first tumblr fanfic ever. requests are open, i’ll be doing mostly peter parker and andrew garfield.

—————————————୨ৎ

Your boyfriend has a busy life, and you truly have no clue how he even manages. Balancing you, schoolwork, his internship at Oscorp, and being a fucking superhero?

Obviously, that’s far too much for many people. But Peter Parker isn’t just anyone — he’s your sweet boy, the one that does it all. Even with all of his duties, the poor guy still is the most perfect boyfriend in the world.

Between the stress of school and work and whatnot, each day is beginning to feel longer and longer. Days were dragging on into colder winter nights, rather than the fun nights in the summer where you and Peter had as much time as you could ever possibly want.

You almost had no time. Coming home from school or work, you’d go right down for a nap, wake up for dinner and homework, then go straight to bed. The only thing keeping you awake for the few dull hours was your wonderful boyfriend.

Tonight was the same: half asleep in bed, your cat cuddled up to your side by force and threatening to escape the cuddles. A few sheets of homework on the desk, obviously undone, the TV on instead.

Peter knows you’ve been having a tough time at school, he’s the most adorably observant person you’ve ever met. And even with all of his own seemingly never-ending issues, he managed to put you above them all.

Your cat finally wriggled out of your arms and leaped out of the bed, scrambling under it at the sound of a knock on the window: Peter’s signature knock, to be exact. Before you can react, the tiny double-tap knock is accompanied by a gorgeous — maybe just slightly crumpled — bouquet of flowers.

They’re strung up by an all too familiar web, dangling down off of the upstairs neighbors’ Juliet balcony.

You felt like such a princess whenever Peter gave you such a dramatic arrival, dangling flowers and snacks or swinging in to surprise you. Only to be more princess-like, you scampered over in your dainty pajama set to the window, opening it and resting your arms delicately on the chilled windowsill.

Your chin soon joined, settling down on top of your forearms adorably, the stupidest grin plastering across your face when Peter finally swings down and takes the flowers off the web.

“Hi, spidey.” You giggled and stood up, opening it further to pull him inside with no effort to be careful.

“Hi, sweet girl.” He beamed back and stumbled into the bedroom with a chuckle, that all too familiar boyish grin crossing his own pretty face.

In seconds, the two of you became a tangled mess of limbs. The flowers were quickly discarded onto the desk, a quick web shooting from his wrist to shut the window and stop the chilly breeze that was slowly infiltrating the room.

His arms wrapped around you, pulling you right up into your favorite spot. Your body was suspended up into the air, rested so perfectly flush against his own.

With the quiet giggles and kisses exchanged, your sour and tired mood was forgotten faster than anything.

The familiar feeling of his cold hands traveling under your shirt and across your back was intoxicating as usual, making you want to melt right into him and stay there forever, to forget about all of your worries and just be with him.

Your mind was just Peter. Peter, Peter, Peter.

“Got you a gift. Thought you might need a little pick-me-up with that midterm you’ve got coming up.” He backed up to carefully set you on the edge of the soft bed. The feeling of your head tucked so deep into the crook of his neck and his scent going straight to your heart was quickly missed, but he’ll be back soon enough.

Peter grabbed the flowers off the desk and jumped right onto the bed, earning a playful giggle from you.

“Yeah? When’d you have time to pick those up?” You scramble the second he’s laid down, crawling up the bed to accompany him.

His hands glided up your waist like silk, squeezing your sides under the pretty little lace tank top you’d chosen for pajamas tonight. It was an instinctive behavior for Peter, and you were settled in his lap in no time. No matter how often he touched you like this, it’s always as equally electrifying.

“May or may not have stolen them on the way home from Oscorp tonight.”

Once you were cuddled up in his lap, his hands moved toward your head without thought to card through the locks of your hair, pulling you closer with a quiet, domestic hum.

His words earned a snort from you, exhaling heavily while you settled on top of his body, head instinctively finding its favorite spot in his neck.

“Wow, how special am I? My boyfriend steals me flowers.” You joke, pressing the softest kiss to that sweet spot behind his ear.

In return, his hands moved up your shirt, the tip of his thumbs just barely ghosting the bottom cup of your breasts.

“Shut up, I just wanted an excuse to see you. You’ve been so holed up recently at home.”

Your eyes roll and your arms tighten around his neck, scoffing and feigning annoyance.

“I have not been holed up, thank you very much. Just … studying?” You laugh and shift in his lap, reaching across his now warm body to grab hold of said stolen flowers.

They were pretty, just maybe slightly crumpled up. But that’s the Peter Parker charm: everything had to be a bit messy when it was coming from him.

“Yeah, studying. How’s that going?” He snickers back, running one strong hand up through the top of your hair to expose your face that he was so enamored with.

The feeling of a gentle kiss to your forehead melted your heart like usual, making you both soften up and quit with the teasing.

“Not good,” you sighed, slumping back down and going all limp on top of him, your nose faintly brushing his jawline. “I haven’t done any of my homework. I’m so burnt out.”

Peter’s own face softened at that, looking down at you and brushing more of that hair out of your face to get a proper look. To his suspicion, your faint eyebags looked … well, a little less faint.

“You’ve gotta get some rest, then, baby.” He sighed and brushed his own nose into your hair, pulling your head under his chin to rest there while one hand stroked down the base of your neck.

You opened your mouth to protest, but you knew fighting over things like this with Peter never gave you a win. As much as you love him, he’s so damn insistent — he won’t let you do anything if it’s not all beneficial for your mental health or whatever he’s going on about.

“Fine. I’m not gonna fight you tonight.”

Your hands quickly work down his body, tugging at his belt in an attempt to get it off. He helps you work it off quickly, climbing out of bed for a moment to discard his jeans and coat to get comfier.

You only whined a little bit when he got up. To be fair, both of you were awfully clingy, not just you.

“Good, you’re not touching that laptop again. Not after that essay you spent all of our time on the other day.” Peter says, and the second the clothing hits the floor you pull him back down with a quiet giggle.

“Let’s get you to bed.”

He’s tugged nice and close quickly, so perfect against your body. The comfort of your bed has warmed his body up and he’s just in heaven with you wrapped up in his arms.

“No, don’t wanna go to bed.” Your face turns into a pout at his comment, stuffing right into his neck like always. “Let’s just talk. Get my mind off of school. Please?”

As convincing as you attempted to be, the yawn threatening to pull at your lips and the clingy nature you only fell into when you’re really tired gave you away.

“Baby, c’mon. Look at you. All pretty, but exhausted.” He cooed and chuckled, stroking the back of your hair to pull your head back under his chin the way he likes.

Quiet, protesting giggles escape your mouth, but when he keeps trying to pull you closer you’re on the verge of giving in.

At the sound of your constant stubborn whines at the simple thought of going to bed, Peter knows he’ll have to step it up.

“Come on. I’m not gonna be able to sleep myself if I know you’re stressed out. Let’s go to sleep, sweetheart.”

The gentle tone of his voice and slight puppy eyes urged you further and you truly can’t help it in that moment. A sigh escaped your mouth and you reluctantly moved closer, pulling the covers over the two of you.

“Fuck off. Fine.” You yawned once you finally allowed yourself to, letting your body go limp against him.

“There you go. Just close those pretty eyes, yeah? They look heavy.” He whispers, making sure the comforters are over you in every spot, not letting a sliver of skin exposed to the cold air when you could be snuggled with him.

Your protesting let up every time Peter whispered in your ear, the sweet words setting your mind right into a sleepy state. Little “love you’s” and ���I’m right here’s” were so quick to ease your mind every time, even at your most stressed state.

“So easy to bribe.” He chuckles against your head once you’re asleep, pressing a last kiss to the top before shutting his own eyes. “G’night, baby. Love you. Always.”

[minkieater]

EIGHT FIRST DATES ꨄ︎

004 》 HAN JISUNG

you needed a night out, you needed to have fun— at least that’s what yunho told you. when chan invites your group to a music festival where his curly headed roommate would also be, will it be what you need to get you back on track? or will you start from square one, again?

wc 15.5k my bad y’all its getting serious now | drinking, smoking, kissing, suggestive, music festival vibes, sadness, tiny gets fucked up. vomit but not descriptive. hanjis sexy

“have you guys ever thought about your wedding?” 

of course you thought about getting married, your wedding, every little girl does— walking down the aisle next to her father, meeting the love of her life at the altar… all of it seemed so futile after your father passed, you haven’t thought about it as a true reality since then, more of a pipedream.

you didn’t know if you were simply driving yourself insane or if you really were obsessed with mingyu, but every single waking thought you’ve had since saturday was about getting married, knowing you were nowhere near that stage of your life but for some reason… questioning it. maybe even excited for it. 

everything with mingyu has felt meant to be so far… maybe it was.

the entire table looked at you in silence– eight pupils staring into your soul, wondering where the fuck that came from. yunho was quick to shut you down. 

“i don’t even want to ask, tiny.”

“i’m serious! have you even considered what you’d want in a partner? what your wedding would look like?” you were in dreamland, sparkles in your eyes and everything as you stared up at the high ceilings of your kitchen. yeosang and san had brought over dinner, which led to the five of you seated on barstools around your kitchen island in silence, up until now. 

“sexy and rich,” yeosang didn’t even look up, mouth full as he digged deeper into his meal. 

san nodded in agreement– “my wedding will be big enough to make everyone attending jealous, small enough to make others wish they were invited.”

“you’re both shallow,” you grumble, picking at your plate, moving your food around. you glance at your twin, “ace, what about you? do you think reia’s the one?” 

ace lets out a nervous chuckle, one that sounds exactly like yours, “i– uh, maybe. possible.”

you pop a brow, sitting back in your stool, straightening your back. you weren’t the only one that picked up on it, the entire table noticed his shift in energy, the change in tone. yunho asks, “what’s going on?”

ace groans in defeat when there was never an argument to begin with, elbows hitting the granite, palms digging into his eyes. “i think reia’s going to break up with me.” 

“why?” your voice is loud, surprised. you take it down a notch, “what happened?” 

he leans back, moving his hands away from his face and you notice that he looks tired. bags under his eyes, his skin looked dull, his freckles weren’t freckling like they usually did. you blamed it on school and the stress he’d been under– you didn’t think reia had anything to do with it. last time you checked, how ace felt about reia is how you felt about mingyu. 

“she’s been saying shit like how i’m not giving her enough attention, not seeing her enough, all i care about is school and when i’m not doing homework i’m with you guys,” he huffs, his voice sounding weak now that he’s finally admitting it. 

“why doesn’t she come hangout with us?” yeosang asked, but you were sure that’s what you were all thinking. “she’s usually here all the time, and your workload for school hasn’t changed.”

“i guess she’s been feeling this way for awhile,” ace stretched his arms over his head, lifting his eyebrows, expression saying he’s had this conversation already– with her. “we don’t have enough one on one time.”

yunho leans over the counter, palm holding up his baseball cap covered head, “get an airbnb for a weekend, take her somewhere nice, just the two of you. she’s probably feeling underappreciated and overwhelmed with her own schoolwork.” 

“that’s actually a good idea,” ace marvels, a semblance of light returning to his eyes, “you’re so good with girls, bro. incredible how you’re still single.” 

yunho smiles, “incredible how i manage to fight ‘em off me.” 

yeosang rolls his eyes, “can we circle back to why teens is asking about marriage?” 

“no,” the three boys say in unison, all eyes landing on yeosang.

“okay, fine, riddle me this,” yeosang sits a little straighter, index finger pointing to the air in front of him, “tiny, whose never gone on a date before a month ago, shows up to dinner with her prehistoric boyfriend and starts talking about marriage. no one wants to ask any questions?” 

you gasp, “yeosang! he is not—”

“that’s actually a good point,” san shrugs, “we haven’t talked about him yet.”

“how old is he anyways?” yunho asks, both elbows on the table now, long fingers folded over one another on the top of his palms. 

your cheeks flush, near mumbling as you redirect your attention back to the food in front of you, hoping no one notices the warmth on your skin. you were waiting for this question, scared of this question. “thirty.” 

“tiny.” ace’s tone is firm, disappointed even if he only said your name— the underlying message is clear to you. you break your staring contest with your plate to look up to him, there are a million words on his tongue, but he says none of them. 

your face burned in embarrassment, you were scrambling for something to say, small tuts leaving your lips instead. you didn’t know how to defend it, defend him— you were still debating it yourself. they didn’t know this was currently a sensitive topic, that you’d been non stop questioning your relationship with mingyu for almost forty eight hours, worried that it won’t work out because of that very reason. 

san giggles, “we knew you had daddy issues, teens, would’ve never expected you to fuck someone old enough to be one. props to you, actually.” 

your world went silent, the insult flipping a switch within you. your train of thought skipped right past anger to hurt, tears quickly filling your eyes. you fled from the kitchen— two palms flat on the granite countertop pushed you off of your stool, legs racing through your hallway. you only heard yunho scold san with a stern drag of his name as your legs took you to up your bedroom, locking the door behind you. 

that wasn’t the conversation you intended to open by asking that question. you were once again putting your foot in your mouth, regretting sharing your thoughts, it was as if san had that statement locked and loaded–– ready to hit its target. your boys had always said whatever they thought, feelings be damned, you forgot how much it hurt to be on the receiving end. 

it felt like you were younger when they’d tease you relentlessly, only stopping when ace made them. you haven’t felt that way in a long time, their teasing now was lighthearted, and you did it right back— it’s been years since you’ve been in tears in your bedroom over something one of the boys said. 

as you laid on your back, sprawled across your mattress, you began to think, and what san said started to make more and more sense as you thought about it. daddy issues— your tears dried without you noticing. mingyu’s age, his career, his stability, the pet names, how he took care of you already, his dominating nature that ‘only came out with you… you ate up every moment— you loved it, even. 

but it was all because of one thing, and as much as you hated it, san hit it right on the money. 

“teens?” he spoke before he knocked, three rhythmic taps of his knuckles against your door. 

“go away, yunho,” you frown, turning on your side with your back facing the door even if he couldn’t see you. 

“let me in,” he urged, you could see his scowl through the wooden slab that separated you. “i’m sorry for what san said– san is sorry for what he said. please let me talk to you.”

you sighed, you knew he wouldn’t go away, he’d sit there until you opened up whether that be in one hour or six. you got up, unlocking your door, but you didn’t open it. you let him open it himself as he followed you inside your room, you plopped onto your bed lifelessly, your body a dead weight. he followed you, sitting at the foot of your bed, resting a hand on your ankles that laid one over the other. 

“he shouldn’t of said that,” yunho started, “it was fucked up. he crossed a line.” 

“he’s right,” your throat constricted, words fighting their way through. your words become quieter, a strain on your vocal chords, “i thought mingyu was perfect.”

“what did i tell you?” yunho leaned across your legs so he could see your face that was laid on the pillow. you looked down at him as he said, “you deserve someone who’s gonna appreciate you, cherish you, you’re special and important.” 

you blinked, tears returning to you, filling up your waterline. “he does all of those things, he makes me feel that way, and now i’m supposed to be normal when i know the only reason i feel this way about him is because my dad is dead? because matt fucking sucks?”

yunho purses his lips, his body stiffening on top of your legs. “tiny, there’s eight years between you. he’s fooling around with you, it’s not right.”

“i know our age difference already!” your voice raises, “he’s done everything right, yunho. you don’t know him, you didn’t even try to get to know him when he was here, instead you sulked in your bad mood like a child. what was that even about?” 

“don’t get pissed at me because of something san said,” he sits up, his weight lifted from your legs, his eyes looking everywhere but at you as he continues. “i was just in a bad mood saturday, it wasn’t about anything.” 

“you’re lying, jeong yunho. you forget that i know you,” you sit up, too, facing him feet apart on your mattress. he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, he wasn’t expecting you to call him out.

“you’re missing the point,” he sighs, looking down at your mattress, reining in the topic at hand. “i don’t know him, but i don’t need to. eight years of life is longer than you think, he knows a lot more than you, you just started going on dates. you don’t know anything, tiny.” 

“i know enough,” you shake your head, “i know that i like him a lot and that’s enough for me.” 

“so what, you want to be married within the next two years?” he looked back up to you, his face was unreadable, but his voice was firm, truthful. he meant every word he said. “miss out on being in your twenties? miss out on dating? learning about people, experiencing life, trying out different things. learning how to be independent, how to support yourself, miss out on all of that because you have a rich husband? that’s your goal?” 

you blink, “is that why you’re single? experiencing life, dating around, fucking who you please because you can? sounds boring to me.” your words are curt, intended to sting. “i’d much rather learn and experience with someone, grow together as a unit.”

“be realistic, think like you’re twenty two, not like you’re still seventeen,” he bites, sending the sting right back to you. after a moment’s pause, he speaks, his voice soft. “i’m single because i’m waiting.”

“for what?” you ask, eyebrows knitted together, tears still dancing down your cheeks. “how do you know? …what you’re waiting for?” 

“it’s not for what, tiny— it’s for who.”

──────  ꨄ︎

“i have an idea,” chan was smiling ear to ear, you wondered if the two of you would ever pay attention to your lecture again, two weeks in a row spent talking the entire class. “me and my roommates are going to a music festival this weekend, you should come.”

your lips form a line, “chan, if this is about–”

“hear me out!” he interjects, a finger coming up between you, silencing you. you sit back in your chair, crossing your arms as he continues. “i know you’re seeing someone, but this will get jisung off my back and you can get a feel for him without making it an actual thing.”

seeing someone feels sour, you ignore it— “okay, let me hear your plan.”

“it’s a music festival, so it’s not like it’s some private, real date like going to dinner or something. you can bring your friends, i’ll be with mine, we can meet up and it can be a group thing so you have people to hangout with if you aren’t into hanji,” he raises his eyebrows with a smile as he awaited your response, “not bad, right?”

you think about it for a second– it’s not a terrible idea, and you did owe chan for your own date with him. you nod, “when is it?”

“saturday, i’ll text you the link for tickets. me and my three roommates are going, jisung jihoon and jeongin, everybody’s single,” he winks, “they’re all music people.”

“and all of their names start with J,” your eyebrows furrow, “how did you manage that?”

he shrugs, “me and jisung were roommates, jeongin and jihoon were roommates, we got an apartment together sophomore year and it just happened to be that way. i’m the only non-music major and the only one whose name doesn’t start with a J,” he brings his attention to his laptop, pulling up the website for the music festival. 

“it’s all weekend long, you probably don’t want to go all weekend so just come for one day,” he says, pulling up the lineup on the screen. you scan the list and you know several artists, it seems fun, and the idea was well thought out. it wasn’t necessarily a date, but instead a place you would just happen to be at together– you would barely have to talk to jisung if you didn’t want to. 

you didn’t have to tell mingyu, either— not that he’d have an issue if you did. being wednesday now, you haven’t seen him since sunday morning, and since monday night… there was no way he couldn’t tell something was off. where you were usually bubbly on the phone with him, over text, you’d turn monotonous without even realizing. the whole relationship began to feel stale after what san said, after your talk with yunho. you weren’t sure if any of your feelings were legitimate anymore.

chan texts you the link and you immediately send it to your groupchat, telling the boys to clear their schedules and to buy their tickets (you tell san to get one for you, too. he owes you). you were met with no pushback, all of the boys agreeing except ace— he was taking reia away for the weekend, using yunho’s idea. 

“i’m so excited,” chan beams, scrolling through the website, “it’s really cool, we’ve gone every year since we started here. tell your friends that my roommates are single.”

“i’ve never been to a music festival before, just random concerts here and there. you’ll have to show us etiquette,” you snicker when you realize exactly what he’s implying with his roommates— you didn’t think any of your three boys had gotten any in awhile. “i will definitely let them know.” 

as you walked out of class and into the brisk, october air, a certain car stuck out like a sore thumb in the parking lot. sitting idly and illegally was a BMW pulled up beside the curb, closest to the building of your class— completely blacked out, tinted windows with a gold seventeen decal on the back window on the driver’s side… that car belonged to one person and one person only.

he stepped out of his car as soon as you walked out of the building, dressed in all black business casual attire, sunglasses on his face. you bid chan goodbye without as much as a glance, feet drifting toward mingyu so fluidly and without thought you could’ve been floating all over again. maybe he did cast a spell on you.

mingyu stepped around the vehicle to open his passenger side door, greeting you with a smile, “hey, princess.” he kissed you on the head before you slid into the seat, the smell of his cologne and fresh leather hitting your nose as he shut the door behind you. 

“what are you doing here?” you asked as he got into the driver’s seat, putting the car into reverse. you began feeling awkward, confused, your talk with yunho came to mind again– mingyu’s presence made it too easy to forget all of your worries. 

“don’t sound too excited, i’m taking you to lunch,” he shot you a tight lipped smile as he put his car into gear, pulling out of the parking lot. 

“mingyu,” you breathed with a small shake of your head. you hadn’t even gotten all of your thoughts in order, you wanted to wait before you talked to him, you knew it was coming eventually— he did, too. 

“don’t say anything,” he kept his gaze on the road in front of him, the sun shining through his windshield, kissing his soft, golden skin. he let his hand fall to your thigh. “just… let me do this.” 

“okay,” you said, flushing as the weight of his palm hit your skin. electricity shot through you every time you were with him, every time he touched you— it had to mean something. 

or did you just want it to? 

he pulled into the parking lot of a diner, a small one near your campus. you loved diners, you used to go with your family growing up once a week— every sunday morning, stopping shortly after you turned twelve. your blood thrummed in excitement under your skin. 

you sat in a booth, a quietness consuming the two of you, you thought maybe he didn’t know what to say— you definitely didn’t. mingyu broke the silence first. 

“you want to tell me what’s going on?” 

“there’s nothing to tell, nothing going on, i mean,” you barely looked up from your menu when you knew what you wanted to order in the parking lot. how do you tell someone that the only reason you’re interested in them is because you’re wired to? 

he sighed, laying his menu down on the table. the waitress comes and takes your orders, leaving you to silence once again. 

“the only way this is going to work is if you’re honest,” his voice is more serious than it usually is. you have nothing to hold in your hands anymore— it feels like you’re back at that expensive restaurant when mingyu first brought you on an impromptu lunch date. you feel exposed.

you run a hand through your hair, “i don’t know, mingyu.” you pause, then internally said fuck it. “you said you won’t rush anything with me, but what if i’m just holding you back?” 

“how would you be holding me back?” his eyes were full of concern as he leaned forward, arms folding across the table. 

“you’re thirty, ready to get married, start a family,” you shake your head, “i’m not even close to being there yet.” 

“i met you two weeks ago,” a chuckle leaves his lips, trying to relieve the tension brought by your statement, “why is that on your mind?” 

“you shouldn’t be wasting your time, mingyu. you’re fooling around with a twenty two year old,” your own words weren’t leaving your lips— they were yunho’s. 

“fooling around?” his eyes were raised as if you insulted him. “if i was fooling around i wouldn’t have made so much of an effort. wouldn’t have cooked for you, met your family, i would’ve fucked you the day i met you and never spoken to you again.” 

the gears turn in your head, he said it so simply, you knew it was to help put you at ease— it hurt instead. he continues, “i’ve been serious about you since the day you met me for lunch. i like you.” 

“and what happens when you meet someone who’s ready?” you bite, your brain swirling with mingyu’s testimony but also the advice from your twin. “if your ex comes back to this side of the country, if you meet someone who doesn’t have a dead dad, someone actually meant for you.” 

mingyu laughs— the chuckle was not out of amusement, it was dry and venomous and knowing. “there it is.” 

“what?” you ask, shifting in the old leather booth as if you were in the hot seat. 

“they got into your head, didn’t they?” he shakes his head, a sarcastic smile on his face, “i knew they didn’t like me, your friends, your brother— you would never say that on your own.” 

“nobody ‘got to me’, mingyu,” you argue, your fingers twisting on the table between you because they did get to you and you know that, but you think they might be right. “how do you know what i would say and wouldn’t say? like you said, we met two weeks ago.”

his face hits his palms as he sighs, they slide over his skin in frustration, “was it yunho?” 

“what?” your back presses against the cushion of the booth, “was what yunho?” 

the waitress brings your food to the table, halting your conversation or argument. a part of you wanted to thank her for cutting you off, you didn’t know if you wanted him to continue— not when yunho was brought into the conversation. he did, though, as soon as she walked away from the table. 

he cut into his meal– “yunho doesn’t like me.”

“he has never once said that, mingyu,” you respond, cutting into your french toast. diners were best for all day breakfast.

“he doesn’t need to,” he was smiling again, not out of happiness, you couldn’t place his emotions based on his face. his words didn’t match it. “game’s game. this whole conversation is ridiculous, can’t you see that?” 

“what are you talking about?” your eyebrows blend together, so furrowed in confusion you were sure you looked animated, “what am i not seeing?” 

“it’s besides the point,” he pays attention to his food again, his tone laced with irritation. “i like you, i’ve been trying to be consistent with showing how much i like you— how much i want to do this the right way.” 

“i understand if you think we can’t be together because of our age, because of your past, things out of your control, but i want you to know that i don’t agree. i don’t think any of that should be used to factor whether we work or not because i think we work really well.” 

“i think we get along really well, too,” you said, sounding like you were the one trying to convince him now – you snapped yourself back into reality, what you felt, what you knew, not the bubble mingyu put you in. “in the long run i… mingyu i don’t know if i’m ready for all of this.”

“all of what?” he was getting frustrated now, furrowed brows and a tight jaw, “i haven’t tried to take this even one step further. are you scared of what it could turn into?”

“yes, it feels real,” you shake your head, “it feels really real.”

“in any other situation that’d be a good thing,” he takes a hand through his hair, sitting back in the booth, “maybe you’re right. too young, i guess.”

regret washes over you like a bucket of cold water, but you don’t falter in your words, reciting them from someone else’s mouth. “eight years is a lot longer than i thought it was, you know more than i do– i just started dating.”

he nods, lips pursed, but he says nothing for a few moments. you stare at him with flushed cheeks, an uneasiness sitting at the pit of your stomach. it was fight or flight, and there’s nowhere to run– literally. 

“finish your meal and i’ll take you back to campus,” you couldn’t read his tone, but it was definitely not happy. 

like you always did with mingyu, whether you wanted to or it was installed in you, you obeyed. you spent the rest of your meal wishing you could say something else, words at the tip of your tongue that you couldn’t find the voice to say. he paid for your meal, a gentleman until the end, and drove you back to campus. 

“before you go, can i just say one thing?” he says as he turns to you, flipping his sunglasses on top of his head. you nod. 

“you don’t have to listen to them,” he says and your mouth parts to speak, but he cuts you off. “you may think they know everything about you because you grew up with them, but they don’t know how you feel. they don’t know my intentions for you, they don’t know how much i like you.”

“i know you’ve been through a lot in your life and they were there for you every step of the way, but i’d treat you so fucking well. i would never pressure you into marriage, or having kids or whatever worries have been put into your pretty little brain. i’d do whatever you wanted– if you wanted to travel, i’d take you on trips, we could explore every little school on the opposite side of the world. if you wanted to open your own damn school, i’d do that with you, i’d help you. i don’t want you to walk away with the idea that i’m not the one for you— we both know this would’ve worked if you let it.” 

jaw slack and eyes filled with tears, you stared at him. you blinked once, twice, then your lips were on his before you could even process that you had moved an inch. 

you deserve someone who’s gonna appreciate you, cherish you, you’re special and important. 

isn’t that what this is? isn’t this what you’ve been looking for? your brain whirled, mingyu’s tongue licking into your mouth, his huge palms holding your wet cheeks. 

learning about people, experiencing life, trying out different things.

tears flowed down your skin, onto mingyu’s fingers, he just kissed you harder. 

learning how to be independent, how to support yourself, miss out on all of that because you have a rich husband? that’s your goal?

there was only one way this could end– you needed it to end, now, or else you’d never leave his car. you pulled away from mingyu, wide eyed and so fucking confused. you hated yourself in this moment– it felt like being pulled into your living room when mingyu was in your kitchen. being pulled towards comfort and familiarity, when what your future could be was waiting for you, missing you, hoping you’d stay. 

“i’m sorry,” was all you could get out before you were pushing the car door open and racing towards your own.

──────  ꨄ︎

figuring out an outfit for a music festival was hard to begin with, you had too many factors adding onto it that made the task a thousand times worse. you could barely get yourself out of bed this morning for starters, you hopped in the shower half past eleven when you needed to leave at one. because it was late october and most music festivals were held in the summer, even pinterest wasn’t helping you with inspiration. on top of that, having three men in your bedroom without a lick of a feminine fashion sense made it borderline overstimulating, they threw ideas at you while their outside clothes laid all over your unmade bed– it tipped you over the edge. the only good part was that it’s cold outside. 

you went casual– you needed to, you’d be outside for hours and alcohol can only heat you up so much. baggy jeans, a hoodie and an oversized jacket on top, you accessorized with a baseball cap and some sneakers and you were set. a mini purse with nothing but your ID and some lip gloss sat on your shoulder, sunglasses on your face, you’d be warm, comfortable and cute. 

when you walked downstairs to the three boys sitting in your living room, you realized you were all wearing different versions of the same outfit. you copied them without even realizing– naturally, they noticed, and had plenty to say about it. you didn’t care enough to change. 

the drive to the festival wasn’t terrible, little traffic until you got closer to the venue, yunho drove with loud music playing through the speakers and the other two singing along in the backseat. when you arrived, you immediately sent a text to chan letting him know you arrived.

“i want a drink,” you said as soon as you walked through security, yunho on your left and the other two on your right. “who’s paying for it?” 

“why can’t you pay for it? you should buy us drinks,” yeosang huffed, digging his hands further into his pockets. 

“you’re in the clear,” you moved a little closer to yeosang, bumping your shoulder against his. “i didn’t bring money, the other two are responsible for ruining my relationship with mingyu, so they get to buy my drinks all night.” 

san gasps, “i am not responsible–” 

“surfside?” yunho asks, eyes already scanning the area for the nearest bar, not wanting to begin that conversation again. his figure stood over the massive crowd already formed around you, your group definitely did not get there early. 

“yes, please,” a small smile sat on your face as you followed yunho towards the nearest bar, pleased with how quickly he agreed, he bought drinks for the two of you– leaving san and yeosang to fend for themselves. 

san grumbles, “you should buy me a drink for how mean you’ve been.” 

you point your eyes at him and he shrinks under your gaze, voice growing small as he said, “i’ll buy the next round.” 

you walked through the crowd, so many different kinds of people surrounded you. a range of ages, dressed in clothes much more appropriate for a music festival than yours. the energy of the space was so bright, so welcoming, it was beckoning your mood to brighten– you wished you could let it. 

you stayed close to at least one of the three, keeping your eyes peeled under your sunglasses for a blonde boy no taller than five foot eight. he was nowhere to be found, as you assumed since the venue was so massive. you walked up to the first stage, the main stage which was one you wanted to see, a small indie band. you knew some songs, but you wouldn’t know an entire setlist– the show you really wanted to see wasn’t until later. 

being after three and you hadn’t ingested anything other than your morning (afternoon) coffee, the surfside you had taken about four sips of was already going straight to your head. you wore a disinterested look even though the stage was good, the band was putting on a great show, you’ve been miserable since wednesday. you missed mingyu, even if your time together was short– you figured that you might be perpetually stuck between if your choice was right or if you regret it completely. 

“drummer’s hot,” yeosang comes to your side, bumping his shoulder into yours again. 

you shoot him a tight lipped smile, “he’s alright.” 

“bro, cheer up,” he frowns, “if you were normal you’d be drooling over him right now.” 

you roll your eyes, “cheer me up instead of complaining, then.” 

“where’s the whiskey date guy? aren’t we supposed to be meeting up with him?” yeosang asks and you pull out your phone from your pocket, four texts from chan filling your screen. 

chan: UR HERE!!!! chan: wya

chan: hello

chan: were going to the main stage meet us there

already being at the main stage, you typed back a quick response then looked around through your shaded lenses, the blonde nowhere to be found. you nudged yunho’s side, asking him to look for chan instead, he could see a lot better than you could. as he looked out into the crowd farther than your eyes could see, chan found you first. 

“hey!” you heard to your left, a voice that belonged to the one you were searching for. you whipped your head around, a genuine smile surprising you as it filled out your cheeks, waving him over. 

“you found me! i just texted you back,” you said as he wrapped you into a short hug of greeting. 

he stepped back, looking around you, “where are your friends?” 

“here?” you said with eyebrows raised, yeosang, san and yunho coming forward to stand at your sides. “this is san, yeosang and yunho.” 

“oh,” a questioning look grew on his face, then he stepped closer to you, speaking quieter so only you could hear. “when i said bring your friends, i was not expecting a bunch of…dudes?” 

you giggled, “surprised i’m not with a group of girls?”

“for some reason, it explains a lot,” he shrugs and you raise your eyebrows, asking him to explain without verbalizing it. “you aren’t… shy in the way a lot of girls are, i guess, i don’t know, you talk about your relationship problems with me. plus, we’re in the same outfit.”

you look him up and down, realizing he is yet another person you’ve stolen fashion inspiration from. you smack a hand over your mouth, “oh god, you too?” giggles threaten to slip through your palm, before you shrug and say, “i’m one of the guys, i guess.”

“ew,” he physically cringes, “never say that again.”

three guys approached behind chan and you first spot jisung, the one you didn’t meet at chan’s apartment. he looked the same, a mop of brown curls sat atop his head, big, thin frames on his face, a hoodie and baggy jeans on his body. he looked just as cute as the day you first saw him, like a chipmunk you’d spot outside of your living room window on a spring day. 

he wasn’t sexy, he wasn’t massively muscular, he wasn’t six foot three or thirty years old— he wasn’t mingyu. no one could be.

“these are my friends,” chan pointed to each friend as he said, “jisung, jeongin and jihoon.” 

“ah, the J’s!” you introduced yourself to the three of them, your groups quickly merging to create small talk. chan stood close to you, guiding your conversation with his roommates, you talked about the festival, what bands were playing, until you settled into a layer of comfort to speak freely. the surfside was definitely helping. 

you quickly realized the three boys were more reserved, unlike chan– or they were at least not comfortable enough yet to cut through san and yeosang’s voices, who were quickly dominating the conversation with chan. 

“the next band playing is really good,” jihoon finally interrupts, looking around the group with a gaze which didn’t seem shy, instead calculated, like he was waiting for the right moment to speak. he was shorter than everyone, long, black hair laid over his shoulders, you could see the muscles beneath the black tee he wore, nearly masked by the black jacket sat perfectly on his shoulders. he gave the vibe that he had his shit together– clean, healthy, confident. “do you guys want to stay? who are you here to see?” 

“jungle is playing later,” you reply, “on stage B i believe, at eight? i want to see them the most.” 

“TV girl is playing at six,” yeosang cuts in, warm brown hair that’s gotten noticeably longer was falling over his temples now, “still woozy plays in about an hour.”

“you like still woozy?” jeongin asked yeosang, as if hearing jihoon’s voice gave him the confidence to speak up himself. the two were just about the same height, yeosang was maybe an inch taller than jeongin. his face was insane, to say the least– sharp jaw, high cheekbones, almond shaped eyes that curved up ever so slightly at the edges. he was the other one out of the four that resembled an animal in the most gorgeous way, black hair laying across his forehead that made the shadows of his face deepen further. you wouldn’t be surprised if he was a model, if not a fox turned human– you wondered if he had any interest in you.

“where have you been keeping them?” you say in chan’s ear, leaning closely into his side. chan chuckles, looking down at the ground, hands buried in the pockets of his hoodie. 

“i keep them locked in their rooms, they’re only allowed out during feeding time,” he jokes, a wide smile on his face, voice turning to a hushed whisper as he says, “stop ogling them, jisung will get jealous.” 

“then jisung should do something about it,” you retort as you bring your gaze back to the group– jisung couldn’t see who you were looking at anyways, you still had your sunglasses resting on the bridge of your nose.

“let him get a few more drinks in him, he will,” chan nods nonchalantly as he looks away from you. you rolled your eyes under the shades– you didn’t care either way, but the outright admittance of jisung needing alcohol to talk to you rubbed you the wrong way. 

your group travels to another stage, watching a different group play while waiting for still woozy to start their performance. jisung trailed behind the group with jihoon, the two seemed to be a pair so far, then yeosang, san and jeongin had split off to the side. you walked between yunho and chan, three quarters of your surfside had already heated you up enough to where the bite of the air was more of a light nibble on your cheeks. 

“i need another,” you said in san’s direction, wiggling your can that had little liquid left in it. 

san frowns, “already?” 

you threw the last bit of liquid back, swallowing it quickly, and handed it to san. “yes, please.”

he grabs the can from your hands and turns to the group, wearing a look of irritation even if he doesn't care at all– he’ll let the act go on for as long as he deems necessary. drama queen. “anyone else need another?” 

chan and his roommates hadn’t gotten drinks yet, and yeosang needed a refill– leaving you alone with yunho, where you stood watching the random band playing on the stage. 

“the curly headed one is interested in you,” yunho comments without looking at you, voice flat as he brings his beer to his lips to take a sip. it should catch you off guard how quickly he noticed without you and jisung having any interactions so far, but you were done with being inside yunho’s head. 

you let out a sound of amusement instead, “and?” 

“just letting you know,” he looks down at you, “it seems you know already.” 

you shoot him a pointed look before turning back to the stage, the two of you falling into silence. your stomach grows warm, the drink you’d already chugged down had begun fulfilling its purpose– warming you up first and foremost, helping you forget how miserable you’d become second. 

“i don’t know what to say to you to make things better,” yunho admits, keeping his focus on the band. his mouth twists to one side, discomfort sitting on his features, you two hadn’t really spoken since wednesday. 

you came home the day you ended things with mingyu in tears, anger replacing every atom in your body as if you’d become a pot overflowing with boiling water– you lost it, all of your feelings were directed at both san and yunho. they were sitting on the couches in your living room, completely blindsided when you decided they alone were responsible for how your relationship with mingyu ended. both boys had fought you on it.

ace didn’t have it in him to mediate your argument, he had his own relationship issues to work through, instead he and yeosang watched the three of you yell at each other for minutes until you fully broke down. not once did either of them tell you to make up with mingyu, to reconsider their words, but instead they consoled you for the two week long relationship you were clearly grieving– it pissed you off even more.

after you had time to process the argument, you realized all you wanted was their approval– you wanted them to tell you to get back with him, you wanted them to like him as much as you did, as much as you do. for three days now you've been sitting with your anger, only giving curt responses around your house, spending most of your time in your bedroom, you considered not even coming today. 

you needed to get out– you needed a boyfriend before thanksgiving. 

“there’s nothing for you to say,” you shrug, then cross your arms over your chest. “even if i reached out to him now, i don’t think he’ll ever see me as anything other than an immature twenty two year old. it’s done.” 

he sips his beer again. “you are an immature twenty two year old.” you snap your gaze up at him, ready to bite back, but he continues. “that’s what you’re supposed to be, this is how it should be.” 

a dry laugh escapes you, one that lets him know there was nothing funny at all. “how it should be? at a music festival waiting for a guy to get the balls to speak to me?” 

he speaks through an exhale, “at least this guy is your age, tiny.”

you step to the side, giving yourself space from him, not wanting to slip into a fit of anger and ruin the day for everyone, you know you will if you continue the conversation. your mind whirls as you keep your gaze locked on the stage, not hearing one beat of the drum nor a single strum of the guitar, ears ringing as you try to calm yourself down. 

“i’m sorry,” he says as he steps closer, his voice quiet, only for your ears. “i didn’t think you’d be this hurt, i guess.”

“i came home bawling my eyes out and screamed at you,” you said, baffled, not fully believing him. you hadn’t argued over anything more serious than what you were having for dinner in years. “you didn’t think it hurt?” 

“i’ll stop meddling,” he pulls his lips together, forming a tight line. you see the group of boys returning to where you stood from behind yunho, drinks in tow, you turn to face the stage again. 

“you won’t have the chance to meddle again, i learned my lesson for good,” you say flatly, and he sighs. the sigh was both long and loud, he was truly defeated– he didn’t know how to handle you. you couldn’t comprehend why he felt the need to in the first place. 

“we should head to stage C,” chan says as soon as he returns, san right on his tail to hand you your drink. you were grateful yunho didn’t have the time to continue the conversation. you slap a smile on your face and thank him for the drink before asking chan who’s playing at stage C. 

chan smirks, “weezer.” 

“oh, brother,” you laugh, “let’s go.” 

you weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or if you were starting to have a good time, but the time you spent watching weezer while you waited for still woozy to come on seemed to break up the dark cloud looming above you. chan stayed close, he was bleeding positive energy that you didn’t know if he was pushing onto you on purpose, or if it was just him. either way, the smile that sat on your face became more and more genuine, less forced as time went by. 

by the time you made it to still woozy’s set, you were past the level of comfortably warm and leaning towards hot. you stopped at the bar again after weezer, you were just tipsy enough to buy all eight of you a round of shots– the plan was not to get drunk, but that seemed to be the direction the day was going in, who were you to stop it? 

just before the set began, jeongin and yeosang had pulled your group by the wrists to fight through the crowd and get as close to the front as you could. you let yunho and san guide you into the mass of people, two walls of muscle and height to give you a path, the crowd didn’t bother you one bit. your smile was more than genuine now, you couldn’t wipe it off your face– this was a music festival, seeing bands you never would’ve thought of buying tickets for, a group of people gathered in one place that enjoyed the same music as you. you were already thinking of going to more. 

swaying side to side, singing a song you’d heard on repeat in yeosang’s car at the top of your lungs, you almost didn’t catch the eyes that couldn’t leave you. attached to a mop of curly brown hair, behind massive lenses, a gaze of chocolate brown accompanied by a small smile seemed entranced by you. you smiled back when you noticed, then turned your head back to the band– jisung took that as an invitation. 

walking up beside you, jisung didn’t say anything at first. his head nodded along to the song, curls bouncing across his forehead, fingers wrapped around a plastic cup. with a stomach full of vodka, you were almost excited– you wanted to encourage him, give him the confidence, tell him to say something. 

but you didn’t– and jisung still said nothing after the entire song. 

after the song ended, there was a moment of silence amongst the crowd, the inbetween waiting for the next song to play. you glanced around for your friends– yeosang and jeongin were mid conversation, yeosang’s body leaned into jeongin’s but not quite touching, his body language saying you weren’t the only one who found jeongin attractive. damn. 

yunho and jihoon stood behind everyone, the height difference between the two almost made you giggle, where san and chan stood next to them. the four weren’t speaking, but holding their drinks and watching the performance instead, all shooting you a warm look when you caught their eyes. 

you turned to jisung, “can you do me a favor?” he nodded, eyes widening slightly in surprise. “can you hold my drink while i take my jacket off, please?” 

he nodded again and you handed him your can, slightly struggling to get your jacket off over your sleeves. when you got it off, you threw it over your forearm, and jisung handed you your can back. 

“do you, uh– want me to hold your jacket?” he asked, his eyes wide and sparkling– his tone seemed unsure of his own words, but he still said them. 

“no, no, don’t worry about it,” you beamed, “thank you.”

as the next song started to play, a few strums of the guitar woke up the crowd, screams erupting around you. one of the screams had come from yeosang, who had his hands shaped in an oval around his mouth, making his yell that much louder.

you giggled and turned back to jisung who was also smiling in yeosang’s direction, “he really likes still woozy.”

“i would’ve never guessed,” he says sarcastically, his smile never dropping. “you seem to like them, too.” 

“i do, but not as much as yeo. he should be up at the barricade,” you point your chin in the direction of the front of the stage. 

“i think jeongin should go with him,” jisung shrugs, “they seem to be a pair.”

“by the end of the night someone will have to rip yeo off of him,” you joke, and jisung laughs. a soft chuckle, but you sense a wall come down, another shred of confidence popping through his reserved demeanor. you smile. 

“what about you?” jisung asks, eyes still moon-shaped, as if he was scared to ask the question. 

your eyebrows furrow, head tilting to the side, “what about me?”

“chan said you had a boyfriend, he isn't here?” jisung’s lips form a line as if he was scared to hear the answer, your face immediately mimics his, but for an entirely different reason. you didn’t think jisung knew about mingyu, unless chan filled him in and didn’t tell you. you hadn’t filled chan in on the recent developments concerning mingyu, either. 

“i don’t have a boyfriend, i’m not seeing anyone,” you shake your head and turn to the stage. jisung felt the shift in mood, stepping forward, into your view. 

“sorry if i overstepped,” he shook his head, “chan said–”

“chan didn’t know, doesn’t know, you're fine,” you give him a weak smile, and the conversation runs flat. you took the last swig of your surfside– you needed this feeling gone, as if mingyu never happened in the first place. 

“do you want another drink?” jisung asks as soon as the can leaves your lips, “my treat.” 

you give him a singular nod, and before you could process it, jisung was leading you through the pack of people. you didn’t tell a soul where you were going, you walked right through the wall of boys as if they were waiting for you to run off with jisung. where the crowd was more condensed, jisung took a pause, making you stop in your tracks behind him. 

“gimme this,” he muttered as he grabbed your jacket and your empty can, then took your hand with his free one. “stay close to me.” 

your cheeks flushed as you nodded, the heat that was already consuming your entire being only grew in temperature. maybe he’s the type that’s only shy at first. your eyes stayed trained on your linked fingers, his hands were soft, calluses on the tips of his fingers that laid over your knuckles. 

“do you play guitar?” you asked as you made it to the outskirts of the crowd, jisung took a pause that had you flipping his hand over, inspecting the tougher skin atop his fingers. 

“uh— yes,” you glance up, his cheeks pink, the ends of his curls lying along the frames of his glasses. “i make music, i’m studying composing, songwriting, all that stuff.” 

“chan told me,” you smile as you let his fingers go, nearing the feeling of cuteness aggression the more you look at him. all you could muster was a breathy “that’s cool”.

his smile grew and he tugged on your hand again, rough fingertips laid on your knuckles once more as he pulled you towards the bar. behind it was a man who you, at first, couldn’t believe was a bartender— black hair that touched his broad shoulders, a slender figure with a muscular structure that seemed too curated for bartending to be his career. a black long sleeve shirt clung to every inch of him, baggy jeans that hung loose on his hips, an outfit you’d definitely be taking inspiration from. 

his face was nothing short of beautiful, plump lips, a white smile that sparkled when he asked what you’d be drinking. 

jisung turned to you with an eyebrow raised, a questioning look. you cleared your throat, “a surfside, please.” 

“miller, please,” jisung nodded towards him and the bartender shot you another smile before he was opening your cans. you were mesmerized as he grabbed the bar key with nimble fingers, cracking the tab with practiced movements, a speed that told you maybe this was his full time career. 

jisung paid as promised and you took your time making it back to stage C happily with small talk and a lazy stride, choosing to hang at the back of the crowd instead of fighting towards the middle where you stood before. 

jisung’s presence had enveloped your mind quicker than you thought it would, once you broke the ice it was easier to talk to him, speaking as freely as you would with someone who’d been your friend way longer than just a day. you didn’t talk of anything personal, not school, your family, your friends, your interests, your intentions, but instead small talk that came too easily, standing close while you swayed to goodie bag. 

it was comfortable— it wasn’t forced, it wasn’t staged, it wasn’t planned. it wasn’t even obvious that jisung was interested in you, there were no pickup lines, no quick-witted flirting, yet you knew and you might even like it. maybe what you need right now is simplicity. 

when your friends came out of the crowd in laughter and giddy smiles, you felt lighter, the energy around you felt brighter, the air felt clearer, you almost forgot you walked into the venue miserable. with TV girl playing shortly at another stage, there was no time to stand and talk, you and jisung quickly slipped into the crowd of your friend group mid-conversation as if you never ran off in the first place. 

“what’s your guys’ favorite song?” yeosang asked the group, bouncing on his feet as you approached the already formed crowd, jeongin at his side. 

“the whole french exit album,” you were first to answer. “birds don’t sing, louise, lover’s rock, the blonde.” 

“tiny’s a romantic,” you heard san announce, and it brings a smile to your face— whether it was sarcasm or a dig you didn’t care, maybe now you were a romantic. “i only know lover’s rock.” 

“tiny?” jisung asks, turning to you, an eyebrow raised. “that’s you?” 

“unfortunately,” you nod, “been tiny since the womb, practically.” 

“fitting,” jisung smacks his lips together and flattens his brows in contemplation then quickly to understanding— you couldn’t find it in you to feel embarrassed. 

jihoon turns to chan, “you listen to TV girl a lot, right?” 

chan nods towards him, “you should know more than lover’s rock, i play their music all the time at home. better in the dark?” he glances around to empty stares, he raises his eyebrows with expectancy and sings, “the lighter makes a spark, but i look better in the dark.” 

jisung, jihoon and jeongin all simultaneously release a dragged out “oh” in remembrance, and chan rolls his eyes. he turns to you, “they don’t remember shit. too much weed, they smoke.” 

you giggle, then tilt your head to the side, an idea coming to mind. “did anyone bring any?” 

jihoon shoots you a lazy smile, “of course i did, you smoke?” 

you shake your head, “not particularly, but i’m down to.” 

jihoon reaches into his pocket, pulling out a black leather wallet, several joints tucked into one of the folds. he plucks one out, wasting no time as he holds it between his fingers, your group tightens its circle around jihoon as if he was holding gold. 

yunho eyed you from the opposite side of the circle, where you were standing between chan and jisung, he was between san and jihoon. his eyes were observing, debating, a pointed look that forced you to notice it. you shrugged him off, smoking at a music festival just felt right— you didn’t want or need him to parent you, even if you had been drinking already. 

jihoon was quick to light the twisted end of the joint, the red hot flame of his black lighter was enough to color all of your faces an amber hue. you stood like kids, huddled around jihoon like he had a secret to tell, where he took three puffs of the joint to get it burning. your eyes widened as you watched his technique, how he blew on the end of the joint to keep it burning evenly, pink lips tightened to a perfect O shape– a gorgeous sight. 

the circle opens up as you begin passing, a sweet melody in your ear and a pungent smell in your nose, forcing your body into moving to the beat. jisung, beside you, sways his hips in the same motion as yours, a fit of giggles erupting from your lungs as you move in unison. too focused on jisung, you didn’t realize chan was holding the joint out to you. 

you inhaled slowly, you hadn’t smoked since the last time you were at the frats, that had been months ago. you knew the basics, you kept your hits of the joint small, especially since you had a few drinks in you, you were never really a smoker. socially, in the kitchen of a massive frat house, or on the balcony of the only person you consistently hooked up with at school, that only lasted just shy of a month.  

the burn in your lungs and the cough that fought to break through your lips felt nostalgic, you felt so light you could float up to the clouded night sky. immediately immersed into a sense of calm, like stepping into a bath of warm water, you smiled as you passed the joint to jisung. every bone in your body told you you needed that. 

your ears perked to the conversation happening around you, yeosang, san and jeongin in some sort of debate, the joint had made its way to yunho by now. you could feel everything slow down, your eyes hooding, sitting at half mast just from two hits. 

“ah,” jisung tilts his head back in delight, “that strain fucks, hoon.” you couldn’t stop the small giggle from leaving you at fucks.

jihoon smiles, confident as ever, “right?” he looks around the group before he adds, “i grew it myself.” 

san’s jaw drops as he takes the joint from yunho, “you grow it?” 

“right in my backyard,” jihoon nods, “it’s better that way.” 

you check out of the conversation, your focus back on the crowd, not a thought in your brain, yet instead paying attention to the hues of blue and pink that lay over the crowd like blankets. you could see backs of heads and nothing more, shaded eyes not quite reaching the stage, but the light show that cascaded over the mass of people was enough. 

you almost didn’t notice the presence next to you, you hadn’t even realized you moved, as jisung planted his feet directly next to yours, your neck nearly snapped up in surprise. 

“so pretty,” he says, eyes glazed over as they stared out into the crowd, his thoughts probably matched yours. 

“the lights?” you asked, flipping your sunglasses atop your head so you could see clearer.

“you mainly,” he looks down to you and you meet his eyes, not missing the pink that kissed his cheeks, “but yeah, i guess the lights, too.” 

your own cheeks flush– this was the first he was showing interest. you smile through a giggle, “that was smooth, jisung.”

“wanna get closer?” he asks you, reaching for your hand again before you had a moment to answer. 

as he pulled you along, you asked, “are you sure you don’t want to keep smoking?” 

he looks over his shoulder and it nearly takes your breath away, he’s so cute you think you’d follow him around all night, especially if he keeps looking at you like that. as if he’d go anywhere with you, as if he didn’t care about anything else, you saw his feelings in his eyes. he was into you. he smiles, “do you?”

“let’s go,” you nod your head and pull your sunglasses over your eyes again, headed behind jisung into the crowd that was packed like sardines. mumbles of ‘excuse me’ and ‘sorry’ left him as he cut through people, keeping you close to him with a firm grip on your hand, you could feel the calluses on your knuckles so much more. 

when you made it somewhat towards the middle, a pocket of space amongst the crowd, jisung finally stopped and turned to you for approval. you put your sunglasses atop your head again, tucking your hair behind your ears, your view was so much better now. 

the music was louder, the lights were clearer, now it was just you and jisung– you weren’t sure if you were at the festival anymore or if you were up in the clouds. the only thing that could make this better would be if you could actually see the stage. you wish yunho had followed you.

as if he heard your thoughts, jisung’s voice was loud when he asked, “can you see?” 

you shook your head, “the lights are so pretty, it doesn’t even matter.” 

“you're going to think i’m crazy, don’t think i'm crazy,” he prefaces, bracing himself for rejection with a shy smile, “do you want to get on my shoulders?” 

you laugh in disbelief, loudly, looking at him with wide eyes and jaw slack. he raises his eyebrows, “you’re tiny, right?”

“i am tiny but not like that,” you wave your free hand in front of you, “i don’t want to hurt you.” 

he rolls his eyes with a cocky smile, “if you could see what was under the hoodie you wouldn’t be saying that.” 

your eyes widen impossibly further, that was the last thing you expected to leave his lips. a smirk appears on your own, “oh, now you’re confident, huh?” 

“is it working?” 

“maybe.” 

“then get on,” he squats down, your jacket still folded over his forearm but he’s careful not to let it touch the ground. you suck in a breath– this could go one of two ways, especially since you both drank and smoked, either you’ll have an incredible view or everyone will watch you fall to the dirt. 

fuck it. 

you swing a denim covered leg around his neck, slightly hopping up to straddle his nape. you giggle as you do, the action was almost sobering, the amount of focus it took you to balance. as he stood up your hands flew to his curls, the only thing you could think to grab onto to steady yourself, a slew of apologies leaving your lips after you accidentally tugged. 

“jisung!” you yelled, “i didn’t know what else to grab.” 

you could hear the shake of his shoulders as he laughed beneath your thighs, “i could make a terrible joke right now, but i’m not going to.” 

it takes you a moment to catch on, but when you do, you laugh. “nothing but a man.” 

“a man that has you on his shoulders,” he bites back, “enjoy the show.” 

you finally looked up and the stage was finally clear– shrouded in blue light, the members visible, the music so loud– it was nothing short of exhilarating. the thought crosses your mind that maybe this was what yunho was talking about, being in your twenties and experiencing, you don’t know if you would have ever made it onto mingyu’s shoulders in the crowd of a TV girl concert. you guess you’ll never know, and for the first time since wednesday, the thought didn’t fill you with dread - you supposed you have vodka and weed to thank.

instead you screamed– an excited scream, for the band, for the show, for how fucking good their music is. definitely high, more than a little drunk and nearly seven feet in the air, you were positive your night couldn’t get any better. there was nothing better than this. 

“hey!” you heard from beneath you, stealing your attention fully. jisung turns to the side, which turns you to the side, your entire friend group beneath you with wide grins and red, glossed over eyes. 

“hey guys!” you yelled back, your smile reaching ear to ear, “i’m up here!”

“we see you,” yeosang is smiling, “how’s the view?”

“incredible,” you’re gleaming, “this is so fucking cool!” 

san, yeosang and yunho all watch you with soft eyes, warmth in their bodies, you could read their emotions from their faces— superpowers only granted to those who have been friends for two decades. the other three boys stared at you with something like surprise on their faces, for that you could only guess what for, and you didn’t have the brain power to think that deeply about anything right now. you caught chan and yunho locking eyes, yunho shooting chan a dry nod as if to say ‘i told you so’.

you cocked your head to the side for a moment before the thought was gone. you take a sip from your surfside, this one going down much slower than the last ones, and ask the group, “do we have any more weed?” 

“i don’t think you need any more,” san says through an amused smile, with a small shake of his head. he was done being a drama queen. “you’ll fall off the boy’s shoulders.”

“yunho’s here,” you shrug, “he’ll catch me. did you guys know yunho is actually spiderman?” a fit of giggles slips through your lips, your head falling back in laughter. it throws your balance off, making jisung take a step back, and the whole six of them lunge forward. you grab onto jisung’s curls again, stabilizing yourself, “whoa, sorry, i’m getting too comfortable up here.” 

“you should get down,” yunho says with concern as the group walks forward, making something like a crowd around you and jisung without it being obvious it’s to catch you if you fall. “you’re fucked up, teens, you’ll fall.” 

“boo,” you frown, throwing a thumbs down in yunho’s direction. “i like it up here. did you forget you don’t get to tell me what to do anymore?” 

yunho’s jaw tightens, his eyebrows flattening. he chooses not to answer, instead yeosang steps in, saying your actual name in a warning tone. 

“what?” you ask, dumbfounded, “i just wanna watch the show.” 

you bring your attention back to the stage, one hand in jisung’s hair, mindlessly twirling chocolate covered curls around your finger as the other hand brings your surfside back to your lips. you missed the way yeosang, san and yunho shared a look, how the three of them began to realize where tonight was headed, none of them looking forward to it. 

when TV girl’s set ended you were back on the ground, staying close to jisung’s side as you walked toward stage B, excitement flooding you that jungle was next. 

“i can’t wait,” you bounced next to jisung, a wide smile on your face, “do you like jungle?” 

“love jungle,” he nodded, “back on 74? banger.” 

“my favorite is i’ve been in love,” you beam, “i know every word, i think there was a three day period where all i listened to was that song.”

“three days of one song?” he looked at you with raised eyebrows and eyes that looked like the moon hung above you, full and bright, “i would lose my mind.” 

“we listen to music differently, though,” you counter, “i bet you hear a bunch of stuff i don’t. how it’s made, background stuff, lyrics, i just like it when a song sounds good.” 

he smiles, “music’s heard differently by everyone, that’s the cool thing about it. i couldn’t live without it.” 

you groan, “a world without music?” you emphasized your words dramatically, hopefully to humor the boy who knew more about music than you ever would, “that’s called hell.” 

he laughs loudly, hunching forward a bit to catch his mouth with his hand, “i can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic.” 

“i’m serious!” you laugh too, accidentally stepping over your foot and bumping into his side, “sorry. but i am serious, i couldn’t live in a world where music didn’t exist.” 

you step into the line for the bar without even thinking or discussing that you would, you didn’t know where everyone else had gone. something about the food trucks by the main entrance. 

“have you been friends with them for a long time?” jisung asks, moving in front of you, and your eyes glaze over his figure. his clothes fit him so nicely, his hoodie perfectly oversized, jeans lying over the laces of his sneakers at just the right spot. “you seem like you’ve been friends forever.” 

“ever since i can remember, they’ve been in my life,” you nod with a smile, head tilting to the side. your eyes felt heavy. “they’re my brothers, basically.” 

“i only have one older brother,” his lips form a tight smile, “must be nice to have three.”

“four,” you correct him, stepping forward in line, “i have an actual brother, he’s my twin.”

“and you’re all friends?”

“our parents are close friends, so naturally we are, too,” you nod. wanting to change the subject, with a devilish smile you ask, “should we get shots?”

jisung lets out a huff of amusement through his nose, “can you handle shots?” 

“i fear i might need shots,” you say through a breath, you felt like you were slowing down. if you slowed down any further, the sadness would creep back in. “i’ll get this round.” 

he looks at you inquisitively, like he wanted to ask but didn’t know if he should. instead he waves you off and says, “nah, i’ll get them, if you need one so badly.”

you smile and lightly slap his bicep, “now you’re making me sound like an alcoholic, it’s just been a tough week.” 

he nods as you step forward again, one group in front of you in line. “i can understand that, this is good timing, then. the festival, and me.” 

your head snaps up to look at him like a deer caught in headlights, fumbling over your words, “no– i–”

“don’t worry about it,” he shakes his head, “let’s just have fun.” 

you take a second to close your mouth, and nod with a weak smile. he orders you tequila shots and hard liquor drinks this time– go big or go home, his words. as you sipped through a tiny straw on your way back to stage B, you realized he was right, shots and a drink drink were much needed– go big or go home, indeed. your brain was even foggier as you approached the dark stage, jungle wasn’t playing just yet, but you could see small shadows of people setting up the stage from the back of the crowd. 

“should we go up there?” you ask jisung, referring to the crowd, slurring your words ever so slightly. 

the corner of his lips lifted up into a smile, his eyes glossed over just like your own, he’s keeping up with you. “i think we should definitely go up there.”

fingers linked again, pressing through bodies in the crowd, the rest of your friends weren’t a thought in your brain. a wide smile on your face, all you could think was jisung and jungle. he was the perfect person to rip you out of whatever funk you were in. 

jisung got you both closer than you’d been the entire time you were at the festival, it was condensed but not as packed as the first twenty rows of people– you still had wiggle room. he tugged on your hand to bring you even closer to the stage, but you didn’t feel like being a sardine, you had pulled his back to keep you both in the spot you deemed perfect. he’d pulled his phone out to take a picture of the stage, most likely to send to one of his friends to let them know where you were, but you kept your phone in your purse, selfishly hoping they wouldn’t find you. you just wanted to be, here with jisung, watching the show together. 

as the lights came on, screams erupted from around you, also from you and jisung. the crowd collapsed inward, pushing you into the people in front of you– a meek yelp left your lips as people behind you pushed into you. jisung was quick to grab your wrist and pull you in front of him, wrapping his arms around your front over your shoulders, laying one wrist over another in front of you. 

you tilt your head up, fear still lingering in your eyes from almost getting crushed, “thank you.” 

he gave you a tight lipped smile and you swooned. his hoodie was so soft, so warm, his arms wrapped around you made you feel safe, you couldn’t help but lean into his touch. your back pressed to his front, your head laid back on his chest right under his chin, your fuzzy brain wouldn’t let you stop smiling. jungle opened with back on 74 and both you and jisung sang along with the rest of the crowd, swaying side to side, your heads tilted upward to watch the stage. 

you weren’t careful of how much you leaned into him, you couldn’t, that power left you a drink and a shot ago. you completely relied on jisung’s strength to keep you held up as you relinquished the little core strength you had, your fingers on one hand gripping your jacket laid on his forearm, the other holding your drink. his body was sturdy, strong, it felt good pressed against you. your lips stretched to one side, the alcohol was hitting you more than you thought it would– from how often you’d been getting laid, you’d worked up something like a routine with your body, and here jisung was. 

“you comfortable?” he asked in your ear, deep voice sending vibrations through your entire body. 

you answered with a mhm that came deep in your soul, you were more than comfortable– you wanted him. 

your mind travelled as jungle played through their setlist, three songs deep now, you began to wonder if jisung wanted you, too. you tested the waters, pressing your back into him a little harder, but he stayed solid. you rolled your head to the side, let your fingers travel up and down his cotton clad arm, humming along to the song playing. 

his hands finally moved, fingers traveling down to your waist, to your hips, moving with you. a smile grew on your lips as you kept swaying to the music, body still pressed against him– you should be embarrassed with the amount of people around you, they could be watching you, eyes glued to the way your hips were moving on jisung. the thought was fleeting, you didn’t care– jisung, wanted you, too, that’s all that mattered. 

jisung and jungle.

his head came down to reach your ear again, “you know what you’re doing, right?” 

you smiled, an innocent one that he couldn’t see, “you said let’s have fun.” 

he laughed from behind you, a quick chuckle that had your neck bending to look up at him. his smile was intoxicating if you weren’t already, his lips so pink and plump, you wondered what they tasted like. he caught your eyes, seeming like he could read your mind, but he caught your eyes as they dipped down to his mouth and back up at his own. that only meant one thing.

something unreadable crossed his face before he was leaning down, attaching his lips to yours. his speed took you by surprise, as if he mentally said fuck it, but you were even quicker to reciprocate. opening your mouth ever so slightly you deepened the kiss, warmth spreading across your body, momentarily giving you reprieve before the awkward angle and the urge to have more of him consumed you. 

your drink fell to the dirt before your hands came up to cup his cheeks, body completely turning to face him so that your front pressed to his instead. his hands came to your hips again, planted firmly against your jeans, the tips of cold pinkies slipping underneath your hoodie, the chill of his fingers making you shiver. 

it was electric– it was exactly what you needed. your favorite band playing in the background, kissing a boy you’d only met today, this is what yunho was talking about. this was being twenty two, living, experiencing, doing things for the fuck of it… you were starting to hate when he was right. 

“hey,” he said between kisses, making you pull away, catching your breath. a hand came up to wipe at your wet bottom lip as he pressed his curl covered forehead against yours, your breaths still coming out uneven. his eyes were darker, even more glazed over, you wondered how that was even possible. he smiled, that same smile that just did you in moments prior, “i like you.” 

you didn’t miss a beat as you said, “then keep kissing me,” and found his lips again. 

he took a hand up to your jaw, tilting your head back, tongue slipping through your lips. you moaned, not a care in the world for the people around you. you would’ve asked him to take you in a port a potty if you weren’t interrupted a moment after. 

“damn,” you wouldn’t have bat an eye if it didn’t come from a voice you recognized. chan was giggling as he got closer to you, “i don’t know how we even recognized you, if you got any closer you might’ve merged into one.” 

you literally jumped, cheeks flushing as if you were a child getting caught doing something they weren’t supposed to. chan wore the widest smirk on his red cheeks and you couldn’t help but scowl, crossing your arms over your chest. a grumble left your lips, “cockblocker.” 

following him were the rest of the boys one by one, slipping through spaces in the crowd to take their places around you as if they’d been searching for you. out of breath, you couldn’t help but feel disappointed as you and jisung took a step closer to one another again. you caught his eye, he wore the same look you did– horny, frustrated, disappointed. 

after your shared look you bit your lip out of annoyance, then your eyebrows shot to your hairline as you brought your empty palms out in front of you. you looked up to jisung, “where did my drink go?!”

jisung threw his head back in laughter before he pointed to the ground, your now empty cup crushed and covered in dirt. you pouted, “i dropped it?” 

“you don’t even remember?” he was still giggling, hand covering his mouth, the corners of his eyes crinkled. 

“here,” chan said, pushing his cup into your hand– whiskey, neat. you stared at the cup in your hand, face immediately falling, eyebrows furrowing and not because you didn’t like whiskey. you looked back up to chan and his eyes widened, hand lurching forward to grab it from your hands. “my bad, i’m sorry, ohmygod.”

another drink replaced its spot in your hand, a surfside, freshly cracked, still cold. you looked up to yunho in front of you, the one who put it in your hands, and he gave you a warm smile. “better, right?” 

“much, thank you,” a smile replaced your frown as you took a sip, body whipping around to watch jungle again. a heavy hand rested on your shoulder, yunho standing directly behind you. 

he bent down to your ear, much like how jisung did minutes ago, his voice lowered as he said, “pretend we’re not even here.” 

you thanked him with your eyes, body moving before you could process it, skipping to your spot in front of jisung again, where he immediately laid his arms over your shoulders. you hung your head forward, looking around for your group, jeongin and yeosang were holding hands now, san and chan standing too close for that to be nothing, yunho and jihoon silently watching the band. 

you smiled to yourself– despite being annoyed by their interruption, chan damn near pulling you off of jisung, you liked this. you liked chan’s friends being with yours, a blend of people you never would’ve expected hanging out, and enjoying it on top of it all. you wouldn’t mind if you did this more. 

as the familiar tune of i’ve been in love reverberates throughout the crowd, you gasp. “jisung!” you exclaim, your smile massive as you look up at him, “they’re playing it!” 

he beams, eyes full of warmth as he looks down at you, “they knew you were here.” 

you start rapping along, head leaning back onto jisung’s chest. to your surprise, he raps along with you, the two of you going word for word with the band. you looked up to him with shock written all over your face, the two of you getting louder as realization set in, as the song continued. you couldn’t help the stupid smile that you couldn’t wipe off your face, not that you tried– not that you even wanted to try. 

as the song nears its end, you thought over yunho’s words again. pretend we’re not even here.

if they weren’t here, you never would’ve stopped kissing jisung– you already missed his lips on yours. you tilted your head up, doe eyes to doe eyes, jisung was already staring back down at you. you smiled as you glanced down to his lips, a question on your own, one you didn’t have to ask because he wanted it, too. 

warm and soft, already slick with his spit, you could focus on how he felt this time instead of your drunken need overpowering your senses. with newfound clarity, the outcome was just as damning, getting lost in jisung’s lips was just as easy as the first time. keeping a loose hold on your can, you swung your body to face him without breaking the kiss, your other arm wrapping around his shoulder. 

“you’re so hot,” he mumbles into your lips, hands traveling up to your waist, beneath your hoodie. a chill racked through you as a soft noise left your lips, too gone to answer, too lost in the way he made you feel, the temperature of his fingertips against your skin. 

“leave with us, stay over tonight,” a statement that was also a question, jisung’s voice was heavy, a depth to it told you he needed you just as bad. 

“maybe,” you kissed him again, your voice airy, not here nor there. your surroundings had left you— it was only you and jisung in that moment, that’s all you cared about. you couldn’t think about after, you couldn’t think about mere minutes from now, all you could think was how you never wanted his lips to leave yours. 

you missed how yunho watched from his peripherals, how his eyebrows flattened, how his lips formed to a thin line. he couldn’t focus on the band in front of him, he knew you loved them, which made him love them, too, yet you weren’t even paying attention. yunho was dumbfounded— with you, with himself, with his own emotions— he didn’t know what to do. 

after decades of knowing you, his bright eyed, favorite girl, he didn’t think there was this much of you left to figure out. he’s watched you grow up, he himself grew up alongside you, he’s seen you through every phase, every change, but nothing could’ve prepared him for this one. 

random hookups throughout high school, college, none of that actually mattered— you already consumed his mind day and night, but after you started dating, he picked himself apart piece by piece, hoping to realize what you didn’t see in him. 

yunho looked to his left, yeosang was kissing jeongin now. that didn’t take him by surprise. 

yunho looked to his right, san was looking at chan with a hunger yunho had never seen in his eyes before. that should've been more surprising than it was. 

in front of the two boys were you and jisung, that made yunho want to crawl out of his skin. he saw you kissing him moments prior, he even told you to do so in other words, for a moment yunho thought maybe he was a masochist. a glutton for pain, for torture, whatever this feeling was as he stared at you, eyes closed, fingers tangled in that boy’s hair. 

yunho had to let go. he’d already fucked up, he’d already let too many of his feelings slip through the reins of his self restraint, he’s already endured you screaming in his face once, he’d die before he hurt you enough to do it again. he told himself this is just another phase, another change, you’ll come out of it smarter, more experienced, different. he can’t help but be a little scared that you’ll actually succeed in finding a boyfriend. 

as your face detaches from jisung’s to take a breather, yunho can see your glazed over eyes, your expression that read all of nothing, you’d been drinking for hours now without a morsel of food in your stomach. he’s seen you drunk, hammered, hurled over a toilet for hours on end— but you looked happy, which you haven’t in days, yunho didn’t want to interrupt but he didn’t want you throwing up in the dirt, either. 

yunho was at a crossroads. as jungle wrapped up their set and you unwrapped yourself from jisung’s embrace, your face changed, the knit of your eyebrow told him something wasn’t right. he was quick on his feet, two long strides had him at your side, asking you what’s wrong. 

“i dunno,” you mumbled, eyebrows furrowing, your free hand coming up to your face, cold palm pressed against your hot cheek. even through your mask of inebriation, he knew that look, he could read it all over you— this wasn’t about the boy, this was about mingyu. 

“let’s go home,” yunho bent down, level with your face to look into your eyes, he could see the tears before they formed. it put a knot in his stomach. 

“okay,” your voice was strained, raw. yunho felt like he’d been punched in the gut. he should've told you not to smoke, especially after drinking so much, he shouldn’t have brought you that last drink— he should’ve warned you that drinking wouldn’t fix anything. 

he looked up to jisung whose eyes were wide, eyebrows raised in confusion and concern. his voice was raised in pitch as he asked, “is she okay?”

yunho nodded quickly, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed to say she’ll be fine, don’t worry about it. your face hit his chest and he wished he could physically stop his heartbeat from quickening. years of loving you, spending time with you, being close to you, touching you— he always reacted the same. 

chan bounced over, worry in his voice, “hey, hey, hey,” he placed his hand on your back and it took every ounce of strength yunho had to not pull you away, but since chan is your friend, he’d allow it. chan leaned closer, “you okay?” 

you picked your head up to look at him, yunho couldn’t see your face but the look on chan’s told him enough, his eyebrows furrowed even further with worry. “did jisung—”

“no,” you sniffed, “it’s not jisung, just needa go home,” you slurred, shaking your head, “drank too much.” 

chan, who had heard the whole story from san earlier while waiting in line for the bar, looked up to yunho in understanding. for only knowing you a short time, he seemed to know a lot about you. yunho didn’t have the time to dissect the thought. 

yunho lifted his head up, yeosang and san already looking at him, at you, concern living in the crinkle between their eyebrows. yeosang stepped forward and yunho shook his head, knowing you’d be mortified in the morning if this became a bigger deal than it needed to be. 

“you ready to go home?” yunho tipped his chin upward in the direction of his two friends, keeping you tucked under his elbow in front of him. 

san and yeosang nodded silently, he watched as yeosang pecked jeongin goodbye, as san began walking away without another word to chan. for you, they’d do anything, they’d drop anything— it didn’t matter. 

“will you guys be okay getting home?” chan asked yunho, shoulders back, chin tilted up. 

“yeah, you?” yunho answered, already turning on his heel, barely giving chan time to respond. he needed you out of here, out of the crowd, he needed to get you air.

“tell her to call me when she feels better,” chan calls behind you, and san responds, but yunho barely hears him. 

the group of them shuffled through the crowd— why were they so deep in, anyways?— tucked under his left armpit, yunho was basically dragging you through the dirt. you were slumped into his side, mumbling something, feet barely carrying you. he debated putting you on his back. 

“what are you saying, tiny?” yeosang asked, just a step behind you, closer to your ear than yunho was. 

“my jacket,” you said a little louder, strain on your voice, “jisung has it.” a sob leaves your lips and yunho almost smiles, the fact that your jacket was the icing on the cake is so you. even completely done up you stayed unapologetically yourself. 

“should we call ace?” san asked from yunho’s other side, his eyebrows still knitted together. 

“what the hell is ace gonna do?” yunho replied, his tone curt, “let him have his weekend with reia, he doesn’t need to know. tiny will be fine.”

as you got to the outskirts of the crowd, yunho was bending down in front of you, his arms reaching behind him to hoist you onto his back. you were a deadweight, head slumped over his shoulder, arms limp around his neck. he carried you through the venue towards the main entrance without a word. 

you groaned when you finally reached the parking lot, followed by, “yun, i don’t feel good.” 

“ah, fuck,” he muttered under his breath, coming to a stop. “can you wait until we get home?” 

“put me down now,” you said hurriedly, fear apparent in your tone, and yunho bent down right away, standing back up when your sneakers hit the pavement. you crouched down, yeosang had caught it before yunho did— he stood behind you, your hair wrapped into a ponytail in yeosang’s fist as you emptied the contents of your stomach where yunho had just been standing. 

the four of you didn’t say another word until you were five minutes away from your house, the drive spent in silence— you’d spent it with your head halfway out the window, your sunglasses halfway down your nose, eyes shut. if it weren’t for the tears that streamed down your face every now and then, yunho would’ve assumed you were already knocked out.

“should i call him?” you asked the car, everyone already knew who, eyes still closed as you sat back in the cushioned seat. “i miss him, jisung was nothing like him. i wish he was there.”  

yunho was lucky you couldn’t see him— he physically winced at your drunken words. san eyed him from the passenger seat, but he paid his friend no mind. 

“we’ll talk about it tomorrow, teens,” yeosang said calmly from the backseat, sitting close to your side, his arm wrapping around your shoulders. yunho watched as you laid your head on him, you didn’t answer him— maybe you fell asleep. he hoped you did. 

san carried you inside your house bridal style and laid you on your unmade bed, but yeosang was the one who had dressed you for bed. it became his responsibility the few times he’s had to do it— an unspoken rule amongst you. 

after a hot shower, yunho decided to check on you once more before heading to the guest room for bed. you were sitting over the side of your bed, eyes closed, chugging water from the bottle he’d placed on your nightstand. he only peeked his head in, but you caught him. 

“yunho?” you asked weakly, your voice small. 

he cursed under his breath, but he inched forward, coming into view. he looked around, clothes were strewn about your floor, clothes hanging out of the hamper— he didn’t realize until then how upset you really were. “you okay, teens?” 

you mumbled a mhm then laid back on your sheets, head falling onto your pillows. you turned your head to look at him, eyes crescents, “why can’t i find anyone that’s good for me?”

yunho sighed and walked forward, sitting at the edge of your bed. “you will.” 

“kissing jisung didn’t make me feel any better about mingyu,” you paused, yunho didn’t know if you’d continue. your lip trembled, “he was good for me.” 

yunho pulled his lips into a line— as much as he hated hearing it, if that's how you felt, he wouldn’t argue with you anymore. “why don’t you try calling him tomorrow?”

you whined, then closed your eyes, pulling your duvet over your body, up to your neck. “i’m tired of being mad at you.” 

yunho smiles at that— “i’m sorry i made you mad at me.” 

“will you stay with me tonight?” 

yunho’s eyes shoot open, his lips parting, his mind running a mile a minute. “what?”

“please,” you opened your eyes a little wider, they were still glassy— he was scared you might cry again if he said no, not that he wanted to say no. 

he couldn’t ask why, he couldn’t ask any questions at all. as you pulled up the corner of your duvet, in his tee shirt, all he could muster was “okay.” 

wanna go on the next date?

8fd masterlist | main masterlist

tags: @chimivx @emmxxsworld @alisonyus @livixcore @skzswife @dawn-iscozy @yusalterego @velvetring00 @minvxq @moonlightgrleric

[btr-rewatch]

Big Time Rush Season 2, Episode 1: “Welcome Back, Big Time"

BTR is back! And so am I! (after my very long hiatus)

Highlights: The band returns from tour and immediately starts having a very bad time for various reasons. Plus, the introduction of a new (beloved) character.

Last we left off, the guys were about to embark on their first ever tour. We pick up this episode just as the tour is wrapping up and the group makes their triumphant return to the Palm Woods. Unfortunately, they receive a less than enthusiastic welcome.

Add in some Solo cups to the scene, and you basically get this meme

Bitters informs them that there's a new crop of Palm Woods residents—bright eyed and full to the brim with dreams of stardom.

The guys then learn a few other interesting pieces of news. They've got one day to complete 3 weeks' worth of missed school assignments, AND it appears that Jo has found a new boyfriend.

Kendall handles it very well.

We then move into apartment 2J, where 3 different plotlines quickly emerge. James and Carlos want to focus on rebuilding their Palm Woods cred, Logan's priority is the mountain of schoolwork due the next day, and Kendall has become incapacitated by Jo's betrayal.

Mama Knight mentions that she's always liked Jo, and it's not like her to do something like this. She suggests Kendall go and speak with her about it. And, if it does turn out she's cheating, she "always hated her." What a supportive mother.

ALSO! I would be remiss if I didn't focus momentarily on her line, "If you wanna be in a relationship with someone, trust is number one," given the fact that Mr. Knight (according to both fan headcanons and Challen's own comments on the family's situation) had an affair and abandoned the family. I just. I'm sure this is contributing to Kendall's reaction being to fall into complete despair before even thinking to speak to Jo about what's going on.

After spying on and then confronting Jo, Kendall learns she was just studying for a new role with her co-star. Which brings me to...

JETT!! It's Jett Stetson!! I loved this guy; he's sooo ridiculous.

Kendall decides there's no need to feel threatened because he trusts Jo. Kind of. Sort of. Bitters doesn't help by commenting that Jett is way better looking than Kendall is (a sentiment Katie also shares).

Kendall's been home for an hour, and he's already dealt with the stress of potentially being cheated on and has had his looks criticised by both his little sister and the building's manager. He's having a rough day.

Meanwhile, James and Carlos are sitting poolside, trying desperately to regain their status as Kings of the Palm Woods.

Pathetic dorks.

Also, shout-out to James's haircut. It looks so much better this season.

Let's check in on Logan. He and Kelly arrive at the Palm Woods school to complain that there's no way all that work can be done by tomorrow. Ms. Collins claims she was in communication with someone who assured her that all the school stuff was being taken care of. That person was Gustavo, who purposely didn't tell the guys about school because he didn't want them to stress. Besides, he says, there's plenty of time for school now that the tour is over!

Oh.

Yeah, so the guys are performing in Rocktoberfest. Griffin used poison somewhere along the line to get it set up.

Logan has one day to complete all the work.

Over in the James and Carlos plot, the Jennifers try to teach them to be cruel in order to retake their spot in the Palm Woods, but the boys are big ol' softies and can't do it.

Kendall is continuing to have a similarly disappointing day. As he's doing research on Jett, Katie comes by with some bad news. Not only do Jo and Jett kiss in their new show, they do so for FIVE pages. Here is my favorite part from that script.

Here's what it says in case the pic is blurry.

Drake pauses for a moment and almost stops, but he continues to kiss her. He mumbles inside the kiss. DRAKE: Ri, rumve myou. Rachel's eyes open in delight. RACHEL: Ri, rumve myou, roo.

Back to the homework plot! These episodes with multiple plotlines are exhausting to write about 😆

Kelly and Gustavo have helped purchase pre-made projects to submit. They also hired some nerds to do the math work.

I want to see the scenes with the nerds. They look delightful. I especially like how the guy on the right has a second pair of glasses in his pocket.

After being caught by Ms. Collins, Gustavo tries to bribe her with Rocktober tickets. She is not impressed.

Have fun doing three weeks' worth of work for four people, Logie!

Kendall accompanies Jo to the "New Town High" filming and is very mature about the kissing scene.

His delivery of "This isn't root beer!" still gets me after all these years

Over in 2J, Logan is trying to prove watermelons can't make toast.

He's doing a really great job at it.

Back to Kendall! And we'll make it quick. He's all set in the Palm Woods lobby with flowers to apologize to Jo for being a giant doofus. After assuring her that he totally trusts her, he then sees a suspicious text message from Jett on her phone and goes straight back to losing his mind. Jo, understandably, is at her wits' end and basically tells him they're done.

Girl, good for you. Kendall is losing his marbles.

But also. No one is actually helping him to work through this?? Which, like, is because it's a show for kids/teens, but (as always) let's ignore that entirely. Let's be realistic about this for a moment. There is no way Kendall does not have trauma from his father's affair and subsequent abandonment of the family. Now, he's faced with a situation where he genuinely thinks his first-ever love is cheating on him. And all he's gotten is a ten-second pep-talk from his mother, and multiple reminders that he shouldn't trust Jo and that Jett is better looking than him.

So maybe Kendall gets a little bit of a pass for being off his rocker currently.

James and Carlos attempt to cheer him up with the promise of their upcoming party and a new girlfriend. Except nobody cares about their party, and they get their supplies taken from them by the cast of NCSI. They return to 2J dejected and absolutely miserable.

They're promptly grabbed by Logan, who is seemingly near death from like...just a handful of hours of schoolwork. As he's hacking up a lung, he orders the rest of the guys to contribute just a tiny bit to the projects, just so he can put their names on it.

An extremely sad Kendall is tasked with pouring bleach on a plant.

Also, James and Carlos have worn five different outfits in the single day this episode takes place in.

Mama Knight is going to have a lot of laundry to do.

Cut to the next day. Ms. Collins goes over the boys' projects, they all get passing grades, and Rocktoberfest is saved (hooray!). Their popularity is also restored nearly immediately as the other residents find out that BTR is one of the bands performing.

As everyone celebrates, Kendall hangs back to call Jo and apologize for being such a silly, goofy, jealous guy. He also tells her he's going to leave her tickets to the show, though he isn't sure she'll come.

But, of course, it ends on a sweet note.

And that's a wrap on season 2, episode 1! It only took me 9 months to get to :)

This episode is a memorable one for me. I was hyped for season 2 when it came out, and I LOVED "Til I Forget About You." There was a bit too much happening in this one, though. Lots of changing scenes every two seconds.

I know this season is ridiculously long, so I'm a little intimidated by that, but looking forward to it as well. When I was younger, there were a handful of my favorite episodes I'd turn to when I watched the show, and there were others I'd skip or just not see as often. It'll be fun to revisit some of those episodes that aren't as ingrained in my brain.

Kendall pep talks: None. He was too sad :(

[andraxicated]

Intimacy in all its forms

Pairings: ayato, heizou, albedo, kaeya, childe, scaramouche x f! reader

tags: fluff | highschool au! (currently reading seasons of blossom and i'm not okay)

a/n: this will probably be one of my last writings here before i'm once again swept up in school. this will be 3 parts with other characs!

taken from prompts here

pt. 2

Ayato | The intimacy of someone falling asleep next to you. On your shoulder. In your company.

—he was oh so capable. everyone admired and trusted him, he was all smiles to them and they'd worship the ground he walked on. he was good at everything; academics and athletics, student government positions, and work that seemed too much for one person. he handled it all like some kind of superman and you hated it so much. you hated how ayato promised he'd change his attitude when you're dating and he broke it—seeing him still handling paperwork when the sun was starting to set and the school was about to be empty.

"are you done?" you ask, leaning against the door to be met with his sorry eyes and words. "sorry (y/n), i'm about to be finished soon, you can go now if you want." what kind of question was that? of course, you'd stay with him.

you pull out a nearby chair and sat next to him, leaning closer and resting your head on his shoulder. "I can't have my afternoon nap because of you" you mutter before closing your eyes, hearing his hushed apologies that you inwardly groan to. and when you wake up, both of you go together in the darkened hallways hand-in-hand, passing by empty classrooms that you refuse to look at and ayato chuckles while glancing at you.

he doesn't call for a car ride when he's staying late, in fear of inconveniencing the family drivers but you tell him he's the only one who'd be inconvenienced commuting at a rush hour.

"how could I be inconvenienced when you're with me?" he says before yawning, a sign that he was about to succumb to exhaustion, and soon you feel a weight on your shoulder to see his blue hair nuzzling your face. ayato fell asleep on your shoulder as you held his hand, smoothing his knuckles over.

it was far from an uncomfortable silence. to have him resting on your shoulder, in your company, laying his guard down, and being vulnerable around you is enough to make your heart melt. you remember feeling something press against your head earlier when you were asleep on his shoulder, it felt like a kiss. and you know you'd always return the favor so you lean down a bit and kiss the top of his head, careful not to disturb him in this short slumber.

"take it easy sometimes, will you?" you whisper.

Heizou | The intimacy of “How did you know that?” “Because I know you.”

—you learned from the very start that heizou was a deductive person. it's like he knew everything as he was very quick to pick up on things. he even notices random stuff that you don't even know about. and all these little things he points out pile up and makes your heart flutter. you seriously think you're catching feelings and you hope this was one thing heizou won't know.

"you have something on your mind? you've been zoning out since earlier like your soul had flown out." he asks and you brush it off by saying you're just stressed from doing schoolwork. heizou won't pry if you don't want to tell him so instead...he's going to be the one to tell you something that's been weighing heavily on his mind.

it was just a peaceful day hanging out with him until he blurts out a confession out of the blue. "I like you (y/n)" he says and you're staring at him unbelievably with your eyes wide and mouth parted. he continues, "and I know that you like me too...at least from what I observed. turn me down if I'm wrong-"

"wait. how did you know that?" you cut him off. and you weren't even obvious with your crush from what you think. does he really know you that well to let you face your feelings for him?

"because i know you"

it had been bold of him to take that leap of faith to you. because there was that slight chance that he was just assuming and you only saw him as a friend. but his risk paid off knowing you all these years, staying by your side, and watching you fall for other people. for the first time, he chose to trust his guts rather than his mind. and it was rewarding to see you smile and hear your answer to his confession.

"once again you're right. i like you too, heizou"

Albedo | The intimacy of seeing someone’s unfocused eyes when they first wake up

—your eyes flutter open and the first thing you see is long lashes and striking tufts of blonde hair. you're curled up against the bed, a safe distance from this warm body and you haven't processed the information yet that your "classmate" is still here and you slept in the same bed together.

your parents are coming home today by the way.

you mutter a curse, soon realizing that the wet streets have dried and albedo is still here. oh my god. albedo! you wanted to scream but he looked so peaceful sleeping, you thought it would be a crime to wake him. but from your stirring and panic, you stop for a bit just to see his eyes flutter open, staring at the ceiling for a moment, revealing a lovely color of teal that soon moved to stare at you.

"good morning" he groggily greets and you say it back meekly. oh you've been a bad bad girl. when your parents are away from vacation, you invited your boyfriend to your house for a movie and cuddles since it was rainy season. turns out, you lead him to the bed for a continued cuddle session until you fell asleep.

you both sit up at the same time and you carefully watch what he does next. albedo looks at you as you flinch in surprise. "I should go now, you said your parents are coming back today, right?" you nod and he moves to kiss your forehead, feeling the warmth of his soft lips that closed your eyes. "I should've said no but unfortunately, I realized I couldn't resist you. I'm dating a bad influence." albedo says, playing with your fingers as you shake your head while giggling.

"let's have breakfast together first. then you can go after that, we have plenty of time." you whisper, kissing his cheek before going out of your room, feeling flushed and giddy from this intimate secret.

Kaeya | The intimacy of someone saying "Text me when you're home safe."

—"you don't have to do this", you shake your head looking up at him yet he gives you an easy smile in return. "this is the least I could do as your suitor." he insisted to wait with you at the stop until your transportation arrives. kaeya always made you feel safe and assured, he was constantly looking out for you. and before you go, he held your arm and said "Text me when you're home safe." so when you arrive, you let down your bag and pull out your phone to text kaeya.

"I'm home now! how about you?" you waited for a few minutes, growing worried until you see him typing a message that read, "home too. it's raining these days and it's going to be hard to commute. do you want me to give you a ride home starting tomorrow?"

you type in, feeling embarrassed yet he beat you to it saying "it's only for the rainy days. i hate seeing you squeezing against other commuters too."

yet he didn't say you'd see his brother too in the front seat with kaeya enthusiastically tapping the passenger seat at the back for you to sit in. it was very awkward in the car, proceeding to kaeya's smooth words that his brother lets out a groan every few minutes or so. you know it was his way of letting his brother know that he actually has a girl with him.

"hi can you please drop me off just around the corner? it will be fine thank you." you spoke to the driver with a smile and kaeya was confused as to why you wanted to be dropped off there.

"are you hiding something from me? a secret boyfriend coming over?" he teases yet he was quite nervous for the reason. you laugh it off, pushing him playfully before easing his worries.

"my parents still don't know about you, right? let's avoid any confrontations for now, I just don't want to be teased by my family that's all." you held his hand, giving it a little squeeze to see him break out in a small smile. "i'm not hiding something i swear! i'm serious about you. i like you kaeya!" if someone, even your neighbors saw this sleek black car parking in front and you coming out of it, it will certainly be the topic of gossip. you just wanted to avoid that.

"i know. i like you too. but was that your answer—" "ehem, (y/n) here we are. stay safe." diluc cuts him off with a cough, announcing your location and you pull away much to kaeya's dismay. you give him your brightest smile before shyly waving, thanking the brothers and the driver then got out of the car, walking to your house, knowing they're still there parked and watching you go in.

kaeya's phone beeps, a notification of your message saying, "I'm home! Thank you for the ride♡"

Childe | The intimacy of instantly recognising someone’s handwriting

—a piece of paper had found itself bouncing on your desk, all crumpled and white. you open it, not taking a glance at whoever behind you had thrown that but as soon as you open it you already know who it came from.

it was very evident from the handwriting, nice and clean but in terms of penmanship against other people you know, this person was on the middle tier. it was not something that gets someone to say "wow, your handwriting's good!" yet you loved seeing it anyway.

and you know he could see the corner of your lips rise from his view, it made him mirror the grin you so subtly hide in fear of being called out. you take a glance at the teacher before writing on the piece of paper.

replying to the message written, "Let's have lunch together :(( I miss you"

you write in, "Okay! And I missed you too even though we literally talked 10 minutes ago", you crumpled it back and threw the paper without looking, hoping ajax could somehow catch it.

have some faith in your boyfriend, would you? he's not part of the athletes if he's not that agile at catching. he secretly opens it and fails to hold back his chuckle that drew question marks above everybody's heads.

Scaramouche | The intimacy of answering the phone "Hey you."

—the phone rang, the door locked, and his heart fast as he was nervous about talking to you. pacing around, running a scenario of what would happen once you answered the phone.

scaramouche doesn't wait yet he finds himself wishing you'd pick up. but ultimately the tone ended without being answered and he was left with his screen showing a failed call.

he sighed, wanting to retire for the night until his phone rang once again with your name on it. he dives onto the bed to get ahold of the device and picks it up, speaking first as he always gets the first word.

"hey you"

"What's up?" he hated your dry reply. "What took you so long to pick up?" he wanted to know what kept you busy, didn't he tell you to always answer your phone when he calls?

"I took a shower and cleaned myself up. I'm literally in a towel. Why did you call?"

he didn't mean to do it but he immediately created a mental image of you freshly out of the shower with your hair wet and wearing a towel. the tip of his ears turned hot and he struggled to speak until you laughed over the phone and reminded him of what he was to you.

"hey boyfriend. you shouldn't be thinking of anything funny—"

"I wasn't!" he acted like a provoked cat as his shout tore that his mom shouted back asking who he was fighting. he was certainly fighting you and your schemes to get him all flustered, it worked though. and scara never changed, even after everything he always had the first word in calls. a "hey you" laced with unconcealed affection and a cheeky grin that follows.

[kazumist]

EPISODE 13 ✿ LITTLE BY LITTLE

YOU + ME = LOVE — A DILUC SMAU

masterlist / prev ep / next ep / wc: 732.

with the past issue slowly dying down, you and diluc decided to lay low for each other’s sake so that you two could avoid such an issue appearing again.

“wait, so i just do that? how come it looked so difficult when professor maxwell explained it?" you exclaimed, shocked at how you didn’t get the process earlier.

he won’t even deny it. he has been warming up to you ever since that talk you guys had back then. ever since he was in junior high school, all he had were the other three. so for him, it felt quite refreshing that he managed to get along with someone new on a close level.

“maybe it’s because you were feeling sleepy again during his lecture.” diluc chuckles at you.

“hey, i wasn’t! though his voice really does have this sleepy effect whenever he’s giving a lecture... he’s so soft spoken for what?” you groaned, slumping yourself over on the table. 

-

if someone were to see you and diluc, one would most likely assume you're together as a couple, having a little study date in the library.

“you mixed these two up. first, you do this, then you do that," diluc explains, using his pencil to point out your mistakes. 

“actually, do you prefer a simpler way to solve this?”

“diluc, this is fucking calculus. of course i’d prefer an easier way," you deadpanned at him.

“alright, well, you can actually just use this formula instead," he says, writing it down for you.

you looked confused as you stared at the formula presented before you. “eh? but professor maxwell didn't teach us that.”

“that's because i derived it. look, if i use this formula,” writing down the proper solution using the derived formula that he's teaching you (however, you couldn't help but stare at his side profile instead of the one he was writing). “and there you have it. see? it's still the same result," he finishes.

“huh? wait, yeah! i think my life just became easier. what the hell?" 

“you're welcome.” he chuckles.

but who cares if they assume that you're romantically involved with each other? they can think all they want. what matters is that your only focus is the derived formula that just made your life easier.

oh! and the one who taught you that as well.

-

it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

but why—just why did diluc feel so... electric when your hands brush against each other? why did it actually feel nice when he felt your touch, even if it was just for a quick moment? this is stupid, diluc thinks; he just helped you pick up your pen, after all.

why did it make him happy to hear his name roll off your tongue so smoothly? it’s not like you say it in a different way than his friends. so what makes you say it so differently? what makes it special for diluc whenever he hears you say his name?

with a bit of remaining time left, you both decided to take care of some other schoolwork. but diluc couldn’t focus. no matter how hard he tries, his attention span for his own workload just ends up shifting to the girl working peacefully beside him—you.

he takes in your side profile. your index and middle fingers were pressed onto your temple, gently massaging it, a sign that diluc noted that you’re stressed about whatever you’re working on right now. your other hand lets go of the pen it was holding as you start to tap your fingers against the table—a habit you have whenever you try to brainstorm or think of something—and a trait that diluc noted down in his head (as for why he noted such a thing down, he’ll refuse to answer that).

you two are supposed to be only a tutee and a tutor to each other. neither of you should cross that line; diluc should know this by heart—after all, he’s the one who refuses to show any romantic interest towards anyone because he’s solely focused on his career. he couldn't—actually, no, he wouldn’t even dare take a tiny step into the gates that lead to your heart.

nonetheless, diluc accepts it. he accepts that maybe, just maybe, he’s crossing the line right now (or maybe he has already crossed without even realizing it).

it wasn’t supposed to be like this at all.

taglist (open): @ryuryuryuyurboat @g4bbyyy @kizakiss @quackimilktea @mochiboo123 @thystarsshine @cerisescherries @jamieexistss @the-ghost-0f-t0m0 @aethion @dottoreworld-page @naishite @sleepyeri @staaarhin @eroxotckv @kiyiiaarchived @fallenssun @lolmeowing @haihelokuki @astolary @kissingkzuha @axerrri @a1-ic3 @lottierulez @livelaughlovekuni @sorcerersseestars @whipped-for-fictionals @morganadorodo @briluvspnk @venderretta @xiaosoneandonly @angeilix @morgyyyyyyy @kazioli @the-massive-simp @qtange @tiredjxnna @yuminako @ratiolove @sn1perz @akitokisser @siu-ssi @artri-ad @hyeinszn @saeskiss @bubblegum-angelquartz @boomie-123 @moni11032 @sandwichmyonetruelove @cherrybb-ily @itztaki @dontmindtheevie @hotgirlshit5

[lizthewriter]

Hi! I love your fan fictions! I was wondering (First time requesting ever) if you could do a FIC for Mattheo or Theodore based on exile and the readers dealing with self hate,anxiety, autsim, adhd, Depression, and they feel so alone and push him away because the readers scared to accept her feelings and afraid she’ll get left, and no one loves or cares about her?

AUTHOR'S NOTE Oh my God, thank you so much for sending in a request! This is actually the first request I have ever received, so this is a first for us both! By exile, I'm assuming you mean the song exile by Taylor Swift. Here's a little blurb just for you anon! And thank you for the compliment, I'm glad you love my fanfics! Sending love and good vibes your way

Honestly, I tried my best with this. I've gone through depression and self-hate, and I am currently dealing with anxiety and ADHD. I don't know too much about autism, but I really tried my hardest to convey what you've requested. I hope this is satisfactory!

exile / mattheo riddle

PAIRING Mattheo Riddle x fem!Reader

SUMMARY Everything in your life feels like it's going wrong and there's nothing you can do to change it. What once brought you joy only leaves you numb. What once excited you now only bored you. What you loved only saw you as a friend.

Taking shelter in an empty classroom during a panic attack, Mattheo Riddle finds you a sobbing mess on the stone floors. You find out that he likes you more than you think he does.

TAGS Mattheo Riddle x fem!Reader, angst, hurt/comfort, self-hate, depression, anxiety, stress, ADHD, autism, exams, panic attack, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, fluff, happy ending, kissing

"All this time, / we always walked a very thin line, / you didn't even hear me out," - exile, Taylor Swift feat. Bon Iver

WORD COUNT 2.0K

WRITTEN 23.08.2023

pt. 2 here, karma

You sat in Transfiguration, leg bouncing nervously as you stared down at the test questions. You have always been a terrible test-taker - all the pressure of having to get good marks in such a limited time period and all this weight on your shoulders with the upcoming NEWT's made you more than nervous. Your brows were furrowed in both concentration and confusion. As you were gnawing on the end of your quill, McGonagall announced that it was time for you to place your quills down and pack your things. You let out a shaky sigh, placing down your quill. How could you not answer a simple question? Everyone else seemed to be finding the material easy, why couldn't you? You sat there, beating yourself up as you quickly packed your things away and left class.

You left Transfiguration by yourself and headed back to your dorm. Not only were you doing poorly in your classes, you also happened to be insanely in love with someone in your year. And, of course, you had to fall in love with the most unavailable person. Not only was he not interested in girls, he would never be interested in someone like you. I mean, why would he? What made you so special? And he has referred to you as a mate on so many occasions that if you had a nickel for every one, you'd surely be drowning in an ocean of them. Oh, and not only that, but you didn't really have friends. Most of the people you knew were dating and had at least one best friend. But you? No, you may know a variety of people but you couldn't call any of them a good friend, even. You didn't understand what you were doing wrong. Why was everyone else living happy, productive lives while you were stuck being miserable, alone, and depressed?

I mean, you lost all interest in everything. You couldn't find the joy in reading or taking walks about the grounds anymore. Your schoolwork was taking a turn for worse and you found yourself and bored and tired of your classes. Your grades were slipping, you had no friends, no partner, no nothing. Everything just felt wrong, wrong, wrong. And all you could do was sit there and blame yourself.

You knew you wouldn't be able to make it to your dorm to find the privacy to cry- you quickly ducked into the nearest room, curled up into the corner, and burst into sobs. It was all just too much and too little at the same time. You just felt like you couldn't deal with all this anymore. If you didn't deserve to be happy, than maybe you didn't deserve to be at all. Your hands bunched up into fists, lightly hitting your head at your temples. You hated your thoughts, the way your brain worked. You hated how you could think about everything all at once. You just wanted it all to stop, all to end.

You didn't hear the sounds of footsteps passing the classroom - Mattheo had only been walking by, skipping out on Potions, when he heard you. When he glanced into the classroom and saw you crying there, he couldn't help himself.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

You froze, sniffling, your chest heaving for air. You hadn't heard him and was caught off guard. Quickly, you wiped your face with the edge of your sleeve, collecting your bag from the ground and hiking it up your shoulder. "Nothing - nothing's wrong."

He ducked his head, his lips set into a thin-line as he observed you. "I'm not stupid. I can see that you're crying."

Great. Now you had offended the only person, perhaps, that even cared to talk to you for more than five minutes. He must hate you right now. Depise you. Think you to be cruel. "I didn't mean to say you were stupid." It was hard to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over the threshold. You wiped your eyes with the end of your sleeve again. Why should he care about you? He must be pitying you now, surely he would have no other reason to act so concerned. Even if he did, he would one day realize that you were never as good as he thought you.

His gaze softened, the edges of his lips curling up slightly. He approached you, raising his hand to wipe away a tear that had collected in the inner corner of your eye. "'S all right, darling. Don't cry. Just talk with me about it, hm?"

Your chest heaved as you took in a shaky breath. "W-why do you care? I'm sure you have better things to do." You let out a weak laugh, backing away from his touch. "I mean, come on, don't you have Potions right now?"

"Why do I - I care about you. Do you need a reason why?"

"Yes, I do, actually," you responded, cringing at how snarky you sounded.

Mattheo let out a sigh. "I care about you because you're beautiful, inside and out. I care about you because you make me laugh. And you make me feel better when I've had a shit day. I care about you because no one makes my heart flutter like you do." His voice got smaller as he took a step towards you, and gradually raised his hands to cup your cheeks. He drew your gaze to his eyes, those beautiful brown eyes. His expression was rather serious, as though he were trying to affirm his words. "I care about you cause you're the only person who's ever really cared about me."

You trembled beneath the soft caress of his knuckcles, meeting his eyes for a short moment before shoving him away. A brief moment of hurt echoed through his eyes as you shook your head, backing away from him. "No, no you don't. I don't. And even if you did . . . " You found your voice trailing off. You hiked the strap of your bag up your shoulder again, having slipped down your arm. "I should go. I have History of Magic soon and I don't want to be late."

Mattheo glanced at you and then down at the floor, his jaw clenched. "Fine. I won't stand in your way then."

-

You spent the majority of your time avoiding Mattheo, but you knew there'd be a day when you would run into him and you couldn't do anything about it. Today was that day, almost two weeks after the aforementioned incident.

You were curled up in the Astronomy Tower, late at night, lying on top of a blanket as you glanced up at the stars. It was perhaps the only moment of peace you had found in a while - maybe it was the whistle of wind or the glittering of the stars.

You should've known he'd be up here. He's always sneaking off places late at night, the highest points of the castle. You heard your name being called and turned around to see a surprised Mattheo. He stood but a few feet from yourself. You weren't exactly sure what to do - in your panic, you did nothing.

"Erm - may I sit down?"

You didn't say anything for a moment, drawing your legs into your chest and resting your head upon your knees. You nodded ever so slightly, glancing away from him as he plopped down next to you. His shoulder brushed up against yours and he leaned forward to try and catch your eyes, mimicking your seated position.

"Hey, I'm sorry about the other day. I should've stayed there with you . . ." His voice trailed off. He let out a sigh as he leaned back on both palms, now spraying out his legs across the blanket. He stared put at the stars, his expression neither upset nor particularly happy. "I don't think you really meant it when you said you didn't care about me. I know you do. I just want to know why you're trying to convince yourself that you don't." He paused, hesitating. "Is it because you think I don't feel the same way about you? 'Cause you can erase that thought from your mind. I like you - really, really like you. And I don't know why exactly you keep pushing me away, but I want you to know that I'm here to listen."

He bathed in your silence, not necessarily perturbed by it. He finally decided to test the waters, raising his hand to gently touch yours. He seemed fascinated with you as he ran his fingernail gently across your skin.

You didn't know whether you wanted to tell him or not. You didn't know if you could trust him. If he wouldn't just laugh in your face, call you a fool, and leave you a pitiful mess. But Salazar, did you want to spill your heart out to him. And in the mental state you were in now, coupled with your fatigue, you didn't even care anymore.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't have any friends. I'm not particularly close with my family. And everytime I did start to make a friend or - or something more, they'd just leave." You wrapped your arms tighter around your legs. "I always wondered, what's wrong with me? Do I say the wrong things? Act the wrong way? Am I really so despisable that people actively go out of their way to ignore me?" You scoffed. "Guess I must be some kind of horrible person then."

"That's not true," Mattheo said immediately, surging forward in anger. "You're an amazing person. Whoever has just left you or treated you like that, they're arseholes. I won't do that to you. Never. I don't care how many times I have to say it 'til it gets through that pretty little head of yours, I like you, I care about you, I want to make you happy . . . and if leaving you alone and pretending like I never admitted that to you makes you happy, then that's what I'll do." He waited for your response, painfully hoping for a verbal one. However, you remained silent. Mattheo felt his heart sink. "Right then. Well."

He began to push himself off the floor to get up, but you quickly grabbed his hand. "Wait!" you exclaimed in alarm, finally meeting his eyes. "I - I lied before. I do care about you. Please don't go. Please."

Mattheo sat back down with an easy-going grin, like he knew he had you right where he wanted you.

"You really like me?" You asked, both breathless and doubtful all at once.

"Do you need me to prove it to you?" His grin grew smug.

"Yes, actually."

"All right then." Mattheo raised his hand to rest under your chin, tilting your head slightly to the side so you were facing him directly. Your eyes widened as he drew closer, his eyes glancing between your eyes and your lips. Breath growing shallow, you tensed as you could feel his humid breath on your lips. "I can prove it to you right now, if you let me."

You wasted no time in smashing your lips against his, hands coming up to cup both of his cheeks. Your eyes were shut tight as you relished in the feeling of his buttery smooth lips running against yours. He was a bit more passionate tha you had expected, but he had been waiting for years to do this. And whatever his imagination could try to conjure, it was nothing compared to the real thing.

Mattheo was the one to pull away but he was soon back to give you a quick peck, sming against your lips. "You're amazing - I don't think I'll ever be leaving you after a kiss like that."

You finally grinned, a true grin, gor the first time in a long time, and brought his face back down to yours to kiss under the stars.

Thank you all for reading! Be sure to like, reblog, and comment! I really appreciate it ^^. If you have any requests, by inbox is open but make sure to check the list of characters I write for here. If you want to be tagged in any upcoming fics/headcanons of mine, let me know. If you want to see more from me, go ahead and check out my masterlist here!

[hawks-supremacy]

Baking Cookies With Bakugo

Day one of 25 Days of Fluffmas (Masterlist)

Word Count: 940

a/n: This isn't as long or as great as I would hoped it be but I've seem to have come down with the flu and am having troubles breathing out of one nostril and hearing in both ears. It's still cute a little ooc for Bakugo.

:)

“Kacchan!” You had yelled while walking into his dorm. Barging into his room had been a habit you have had since you were kids, and you hadn’t planned on growing out of it anytime soon.

“What do you want? And I told you not to call me that.” He grumbled while he continued to do his schoolwork. You rolled your eyes while you made yourself at home on his bed, “Okay but if Izuku gets to call you that then so do I, I’ve known you just as long Katsuki.” As much as you like tormenting the poor boy you decided you would respect his wishes…for now. “Yeah and I tell him to quit calling me that all the time too.” He said, finally turning around in his desk chair, “now are you gonna tell me what you want or are you just here to bother me.”

You pretended to think about it for a while, “I want to bake cookies!” You exclaimed in excitement. “Okay then go bake cookies. What does this have to do with me?” He asked, annoyed that you were still in his space. “You’re gonna help me, duh.” You said as though it was obvious. 

“LIKE HELL I AM!” Came his immediate response. While he didn’t yell at you often there were still times that he treated you like everyone else and not like his best friend. “Please Katsuki! I usually make them with your mom around this time but since we’re stuck at the dorms I can’t do that. I’m feeling homesick and this is all I want.” You said pleading while giving him the best puppy dog eyes that you could muster. He didn’t say anything for a while so you thought he was going to turn you down again before he grumbled out, “Fine, whatever. Do you have the stuff we need?” You guys stared at each other for a bit before you shrugged in response, truly you didn’t think you’d get this far. “You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding me.” He said while running a hand down his face. 

After running to the store and gathering everything you needed, you quickly realized that maybe you did NOT want to make cookies with your best friend. He was quick to start barking orders about what to do and to be honest it was kind of stressing you out. Luckily everyone was in their respective dorms otherwise you think you might’ve died from embarrassment. After about the sixth time of him telling you you were doing something wrong you got fed up and sat on the counter with your arms crossed. “What are you doing?” He asked, turning around and looking at you. “Well you keep telling me I’m doing things wrong, but I just wanted to have fun and bake cookies with my best friend.” You said, pouting like a child.

He continued stirring the mixture for a while before you watched his shoulders rise and fall in a deep sigh. “Would you please just come help me?” You huffed and turned away, refusing to respond. Truth be told you weren’t that mad, as long as you got to eat cookies by the end of it you weren’t that upset, but you weren’t about to let him know that. “Y/n I’m sorry for telling you that you were doing things wrong.” You continued your new found vow of silence, only glancing in his direction before looking away again. You didn’t hear anything for a moment and thought that he had given up trying. You were a bit disappointed that he gave up so easily. “Y/n.” As you turned at the murmur of your name you let out a yelp of surprise as you felt something cold on your face. You gasped in shock, “Bakugo Katsuki, did you just wipe frosting on my face? You're a total cliche!” You said as you wiped the frosting from your face and put it on his nose.

He laughed softly and you swore your heart stopped. You’ve been crushing on your best friend for a while now but decided to keep it to yourself, well, yourself and Mina. You weren't sure if Bakugo even knew what a crush was. The boy was so emotionally constipated. “Maybe for you I’m fine being a cliche.” He said as he brought a hand to your cheek.

You looked into Katsuki’s eyes before pretending to throw up and gag, “What the fuck Kats?” His face contorted into disgust, “I hated that” he said pretending like he’s spitting out a bad piece of food. “Yeah never say anything like that again, that was gross and cheesy.” The corner of his lips slightly turned up in what seemed like a smile, “Yeah I know but it’s true.” Your laughter halted as you looked at him, staring into his eyes “You mean that?” You asked, almost afraid of your own voice. He didn’t say anything as he nodded, his cheeks getting slightly warmer in color. “I like you too Katsuki.” You said smiling.

“Of course you do.” He said, you scoffed in offense, punching him in the shoulder. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” He said putting his hands in the air in defense. “I’m glad you’re willing to put up with me.” He grabbed your hand that was ready to punch him again if he said anything stupid. “Now will you continue to make the cookies with me?”

“I forgot about the cookies!” You said gasping and jumping off the counter and running to the batter. Katsuki chuckled as he followed after you to finish the cookies, you could continue this conversation later.

:)

Tag List: @marmoney2000 @phtmmsqrde

[hadesforpreswrites]

dirty laundry, pt. 4

a/n: here's part 4! guess who's back, back again, ash is back, tell a friend. i'm so sorry for how long this took, i kept hitting a wall every time i opened the document. but here we are now! as always i hope you enjoy! please like, comment, reblog!

pairing: noah sebastian x reader

genre: idiots-to-lovers

warnings: slight angst (if you squint, no like it's really minimal); oral (f. receiving)

word count: 2,508

summary: it's birthday time! noah's been on a mini tour, will he make it back in time for y/n's birthday dinner?

part one part two part three part five

as promised he stayed the rest of the week with her. it mostly consisted of them staying in and learning more about each other, in a different, more romantic way than they had previously.

then he had to go for a few weeks to perform various shows. he desperately wanted her to go with them but she just smiled and said that she needed to focus on her schoolwork and she wouldn’t do that if she was around everyone. he worried he wouldn’t be back in time for her birthday dinner that scarlett planned every year. 

every year their group of friends get dressed up in their best and go out to dinner. a lot of times after dinner they’d end up at a bowling alley that was half bowling, half arcade. 

it was something that she looked forward to every year and he was worried a majority of the group wouldn’t be able to make it due to commitments they had. 

“noah, it’s honestly okay,” she said over the phone one night after a show. he could tell she was trying her best to sound nonchalant but that she was sad about it. “if it was a dumb reason i’d be upset but this is far from dumb in my book. besides, we can always just push it to another date. doesn’t have to be on my exact birthdate.”

“yes it does!” he heard scarlett’s voice shout, causing him to chuckle. 

“she’s right. it’s tradition,” he said. “we’re gonna try our best to be there, doll. it mostly depends on how travel goes.”

“i know. maybe i should’ve come with you like you wanted. so you wouldn’t stress as much about it,” she said, quietly.

“doll, even though i desperately want you here with me, i’d still stress about it.”

“it’s not so important that you should stress this much though.”

“i’m going to pretend i didn’t just hear you say that the day my girlfriend was born isn’t important.”

“how very dare she!” jolly’s voice shouted from the other side of the couch on the bus.

“hear that? you’ve upset the swede.”

she was silent. 

“doll, regardless stress is going to happen because i love you and the guys love you and we want to continue our tradition.”

“yeah.”

“you’re awfully quiet over there. what’s going through that pretty little head of yours?”

he heard sniffles from the other side of the phone and immediately wished he was there. “i just don’t know what i did to deserve this kind of niceness.” 

“you exist as you are and we like the way you are. so there,” he explained.

she laughed. 

“there she is.”

“i love you,” she said.

“i love you,” he replied with a smile. 

“and as much as i love you and talking to you, i should probably try to sleep.”

“yes, you should.”

“wish you were here,” she said quietly. he could hear her getting under her comforter and settling in for the night on the other side of the phone. 

“soon. then you’ll get sick of me, promise,” he joked.

“doubt it. night, noah.”

“good night, doll.”

“good night!!” the rest of the crew on the bus yelled into the phone, causing him to hear her giggle before she hung up.

“is she doing okay?” nicholas asked, plopping down between noah and jolly.

“i think so. just had a moment of doubt is all.”

“what happened when you went to stay with her?” nick asked.

“i don’t think that’s something i can tell you. she barely wanted to tell me.”

“well, whatever it was, even though it was obviously bad, i’m glad it happened. if only to finally get you two together,” jolly said. “not because i want her hurting, obviously. silver lining in the clouds.”

noah nodded. he’d been feeling similarly. he didn’t know when he’d finally have broken his silence on loving her if that night didn’t happen. that, of course, didn’t mean that he was happy her past had come back to haunt her in such an intense way.

“so what’d you get her for her birthday?” bryan asked, slightly changing the subject.

noah’s eyes widened. “shit.”

“she’s not gonna want anything from anyone,” nick tried to cover for noah.

“right. but it’s definitely his obligation as boyfriend to get her something anyway.”

“what if you just get a hotel room or airbnb for a weekend getaway? she’d like that since you’ve been gone,” nicholas offered.

“that’s actually a great idea,” jolly said, gaining looks from everyone on the bus. “we’re practically soulmates, i know what she’d like.”

“soulmates?” noah leveled a playful glare at the guitarist.

“oh, chill. i mean it in a totally platonic way.”

“i think you’d have to fight scarlett for that title,” nicholas laughed. 

“i’m not convinced she’s not holding out hope for y/n to be gay,” jolly said.

“she’s bi. i think if they were to happen, they’d have happened already,” noah explained. he earned some questioning looks. “she literally went to pride and bought a bi flag. it’s not difficult to put two and two together to make four. you guys just don’t pay attention.”

“so much for being her soulmate, joakim,” nick laughed, causing everyone else to laugh.

while laying in his bunk on the bus later that night, noah began to look up hotel in the area they lived, looking for one that gave off just the right vibe.

a couple days had passed and the band and crew were making their way home as fast as they could in order to make it for dinner. noah was on edge and kept to himself most of the trip. 

in the end, they had made it back to town with a couple of hours to spare.

as much as noah wanted to tell her they’d made it, it kind of wanted it to be a surprise, so he just text scarlett and told her to keep her mouth shut. 

he showered and dressed quickly. then he packed a bag for the weekend. as much as he loved his band, he couldn’t wait to have some alone time with his girl after a few weeks with them. 

he drove alone to the restaurant because of his later plans, but waited for the rest of them to arrive before exiting his vehicle. they walked into the building as a group, y/n and scarlett already at a table. the hostess seemed shocked to see the group but led them to the table which was in the back of the restaurant.

y/n and scarlett weren’t paying attention, immersed in a conversation together, so he walked quietly behind y/n and placed his hands over her eyes, careful not to smudge her glasses.

“oh my god, you made it!” she said, excitedly.

he chuckled, taking the seat on her other side. “how’d you know it was me?”

“cologne. and also who else would dare?”

“i dunno, jolly said something about being your soulmate, so he might dare.”

“okay, he might. but he wears a different cologne. did you know that smell is the sense most linked to memory?”

“i missed you, smartypants,” he said, kissing the side of her head. 

“missed you more,” she said, smiling.

“be gross after dinner,” scarlett said, not a hint of seriousness in her voice. 

“you ladies both look very nice tonight,” jolly complimented.

“thank you. it took so long for us to find something perfect for the night. still has to look good with bowling shoes, ya know,” scarlett answered.

the rest of the table carried on in conversation while noah placed a hand on y/n’s thigh, pulling her attention to him.

“i didn’t get an actual present for you this time and for that i’m so sorry. but i did get us a hotel room for the weekend so we can spend some much needed time together without these yahoos.”

“you don’t need to beat yourself up about not getting anything because all i wanted was you here. i think a hotel room is a great idea.”

he kissed the side of her head again as the waiter walked up to the table to take their orders. 

dinner was filled with laughter and good conversation, as it always is when they all get together. noah’s hand rarely left its place on y/n’s thigh. it was a subtle touch but after being gone from her for as long as he had been, though not as long as a normal tour, it was all he could do to not beg her to skip the bowling and go straight to the hotel.

when she stood up at the end of dinner and he saw her outfit in full, he had to stifle a groan that threatened to erupt. she looked so good and was wearing heels that made her legs look even better than normal. 

he shook himself as he noticed her stretching her hand out to him with a smile. “c’mon, we have pins lanes to dominate.”

he stood, his hand in hers, and followed their group out to their vehicles. 

“who’re you riding with, love?” scarlett asked.

noah was already opening the passenger door of his car for her when y/n shot scarlett a glance, causing them to laugh.

y/n carefully slid into the passenger seat of noah’s car before he shut the door and slid into his own seat. “you look so fucking good, doll.”

“thank you,” she blushed. “i wanted to try something a little different from the last couple of years.”

“i liked those to but there’s something about this that makes me a little feral.”

“good to know.”

“you sure you want to go bowling?”

she laughed. “yes, of course i want to go bowling.”

“yeah, right, of course,” he choked out.

“noah, we have all weekend.”

“trust me, i’m aware.”

“but i did tell scar that we’d be late because i want to pick up clothes for our weekend.”

“good idea.”

“i’ve been known to have a few.”

noah drove the familiar route to her and scarlett’s house, walked around the car to help her out, and held her hand as they walked to the front door.

once they were inside, he pulled her to him and pushed his lips to hers. her arms wound around his neck as she returned his kiss with the same urgency. he walked them until her back hit the closest wall and let his hands roam down her body to the backs of her thighs. he pulled, indicating to her that he wanted them around his waist, she obliged. he broke from her lips and she put her forehead against his as he walked them back to her room. 

“i missed you so fucking much,” he said, his voice husky.

“i missed you,” she breathed out.

“i know you want to go bowling with our friends but just give me a little more time.”

“okay, i can do that.”

he pushed open her bedroom door and kicked it shut again as they entered. he laid her on the bed, pecking her lips before sliding down her body and kneeling on the carpet in front of her.

“baby, can i please?” he almost whined out. “and then we can pack you a bag and go. promise.”

she leaned up on her elbows and looked at him. both of their eyes were blown with lust and hair was mused. “okay,” she said quietly.

“okay,” he said, placing a kiss on her thigh.

he slid his hands up under the skirt of her outfit and found the elastic band of her underwear and pulled them down her legs. he didn’t fight the groan that left his throat at the sight of the black lace underwear his fingers were pulling down. 

“my shoes,” she said, breathlessly.

“they’re fine,” he said simply as he hooked her knees on his shoulders. 

he kissed up the inside of one of her thighs to the apex of her legs. he used his tongue to lap up the juices that were already flowing out of her. he pushed a finger into her as he licked. he moaned into her, the vibration making her moan loudly as she snaked her fingers through his hair. he nibbled on her clit as lightly as he could and soothed it with his tongue. he inserted another finger and began working them faster as her breathing sped up.

“noah,” she breathed out, spurring him on.

he reached his free hand up toward her, and she released the grip of one of her hands on his hair to grip his hand instead. 

“c’mon, baby, i know you can do it. you’re so close,” he said as he felt her squeezing his fingers before continuing his ministrations with his tongue. he coaxed it out of her. she fought to keep her thighs open as she came, he continued until she was spent and breathing heavily above him.

he sat back on his heels and licked his fingers clean, her slick glistening on his chin. “fuck,” they said together, causing them to laugh.

“hang on, doll. let me clean you up before you start moving around,” he walked into the adjoining bathroom, grabbed a clean washcloth, and wet it before walking back to her, wiping his face as he did. he cleaned the inside of her thighs and any drippage from her core before placing her feet in the leg holes of her underwear and helping her pull them back on.

she raised her arms and he pulled her up. he chuckled as he saw her look in her phone screen with a look of horror. “now i have to fix my make up and hair,” she whined. 

“i dunno, i think you still look great,” he kissed her forehead.

“you would.” she said, attempting to stand. “you know, in these shoes i’m almost your height.”

“i noticed. my neck thanks them for their service.” 

she laughed again as he helped her stand, he laughed as her knees wobbled.

“stop that. and help me with these things,” she said, plopping back on her bed and bending to unbuckle her shoes.

he saluted her and kneeled once more to help her remove the high heels. 

she breathed a sigh of relief as she stood on bare feet and walked to her closet for a bag and her converse. he was at her dresser pulling out yoga pants, shorts, and a couple of t-shirts. she pulled out clean underwear and a different bra and some socks and stuffed everything into her bag. before they left she went to the bathroom and cleaned up her makeup and hair, motioning for him to sit so she could straighten up his hair as well.

he grabbed her bag as she grabbed his hand and pulled him through the front door, locking it behind them, and to the car once more.

once they were situated in the vehicle, she shouted enthusiastically, “to the bowling alley!”

[jacksfandomrandom]

Please Take A Break

Summary: Liko has been really stressed out with schoolwork and trying to find Entei that she forgets to let herself breathe. Now she is on the verge of burning herself out. Will Dot manage to save her girlfriend before it's too late?

Notes: When something bad happens so you write a somewhat angsty hurt/comfort fic to cope with it.

It had been a couple days since Liko had last slept. You heard right. Liko was the one not sleeping, not Dot this time. Things have been really stressful for the Rising Volt Tacklers but especially on Liko. No only did she feel like she had the world on her shoulders, but she was really behind on a lot of her classes. The tera training was a part of her classwork but only half of it. She still had a ton of classes that she had been procrastinating and forgetting about. Not only was the school work stressful though, but getting clues and leads on where to find the rest of the six heroes was causing her major anxiety about the future. Friede had told her multiple times to leave the clues and leads to the adults but she couldn’t stop herself from wanting to help. She just felt so useless if she stood by and did nothing. Afterall, this whole adventure started because of her. She should be the one to do all the research.

As she was sitting at her desk, writing notes in one hand and scrolling through an article about Entei in the other, she heard a knock on the door. She was confused. Wasn’t it still late at night? She slowly got up from her seat and stumbled over, her legs just starting to wake back up, opening the door. Dot stood in front of her, a worried expression on her face.

“Dot? What are you doing here so late?” Liko asked. Wasn’t it like 3 am? That’s the last time she checked the clock on her phone

“Late? Liko…it’s 8:30 in the morning,” Dot said worriedly. 

“Wait really?!” Liko looked at the small text at the top of her phone and saw the time. It really was 8 am. How long had she been researching and doing assignments?

“Yeah. I didn’t see you at breakfast, so I thought you were sleeping in and came to wake you up,” Dot explained.

“Y-yeah, sorry, I was sleeping.” Liko lied. She hadn’t slept in 3 days. The bags underneath her eyes proved it.

“I’m not dumb, Liko. You didn’t sleep at all last night, did you?” They asked. Liko sighed, getting a little annoyed. 

“No I didn’t but that doesn’t matter, I’m a bit busy,” She went to shut the door but Dot stopped it with her foot.

“Excuse me? It does matter! You didn’t eat dinner last night because you were busy and now you aren’t gonna come eat breakfast because you’re busy too? That’s unhealthy Liko. and that’s coming from someone with the worst eating habits on this ship,” Dot scolded. Liko knew about her less than healthy eating habits that could be considered disordered eating, but to Liko, Dot’s eating problems were worse than hers and therefore made her problems invalid. 

“Well, I’m not hungry! I’ll eat a snack in a little bit, just leave me alone, alright?!” Liko snapped. Immediately, she regretted it and wanted to take it back. She didn’t mean to yell at her girlfriend, it just kind of came out.

“Wait, I’m sorry for yelling, I’m just stressed about school right now,” She said. It wasn’t a total lie.

“It’s alright… I’ll let you work for a bit, but I’m bringing you breakfast in a couple minutes, alright?” Dot said, leaving no room for discussion. She gave Liko a quick kiss on the cheek before letting her sit back down to work. 

Liko sighed as she slumped into her seat. She really needed a break and spending time with her girlfriend sounded nice. But any break she took caused more time to be wasted. That break time could be spent researching. So Liko opened her notebook back up and started on her research again. 

It felt like only a couple minutes had passed before Dot was knocking on her door once again. Liko really didn’t feel like getting back up again when she was so engrossed and focused on her work. 

“Come in!” She yelled instead. 

Dot opened the door and walked in with a plate of fried egg over rice. Now that she got a full view of the room, her concern only skyrocketed. On Liko’s desk, there were empty cups of coffee and caffeinated tea stacked high, Floragato was sleeping in Liko’s messy unmade bed, and books were scattered across the room. This was an all too familiar sight for Dot. 

“You can just put the plate there,” Liko pointed to her night stand, not looking up from her book. She didn’t want the food to be too distracting so she’d need to be as far away from her as possible. But instead of putting it there, Dot placed it in front of her and took the notebook from her hands.

“Hey!” 

“You are taking a break, Liko. you’re burned out,” Dot stated. She took the notebook and put it inside the drawer of her nightstand before going around the room and picking up the scattered books and set them back on the bookshelf.

“I’m fine, Dot! I’m not even tired! I can’t be burned out,” Liko protested. 

“That’s because of all the caffeine you’ve been consuming.” Dot rebutted, “You and I are gonna take a walk around the ship and then you’ll get a cup of sleepy time tea and then you are going to take a nap,” Dot declared. 

“Dooottttt,” Liko whined.

“I’m being serious, Liko! It’s either this, or I’m telling Friede. You know how protective he can get. Not to mention he’ll probably take away your phone,” She explained. It’s true that Friede got protective when his kids were in danger

“Fine…” Liko grumbled.

“Good,” Dot leaned over and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

After helping Liko clean up her room a little, she took her hand and the two walked around the ship for a bit. Liko got to vent about all her stressors and anxieties to her and Dot listened. She held her hand and reassured Liko that everything was going to be alright and that the adults could handle all the research. That made Liko feel a bit better. 

When they made it to the kitchen, Dot boiled some water and put a tea bag of Sleepytime tea in a cup for Liko. After the water was done, she poured it into the cup and handed it to her. Liko took it gratefully and sipped on it while they walked back to the bedroom. 

Dot gave Liko a couple minutes to change into her pajamas before she sat her down at the desk and helped her eat, even though she didn’t need any help. It embarrassed Liko a little bit though.

“Doootttt, I can eat on my own,” She whined. Dot chuckled, finding her whining adorable. That made Liko blush though.

“I know you can, I just feel like helping out,” They said smiling. Liko rolled her eyes but Dot knew she secretly liked it. 

After she was all done with her food, Dot made her bed before leading her to it. They climbed into bed with her and wrapped her arms around her, holding her. It was nice, being held by Dot. Liko felt her eyelids begin to droop and her brain start to turn itself off. She snuggled up against Dot’s chest and Dot pulled the blankets up to cover her and get her comfortable. 

“Good night, love,” Dot kissed her forehead and massaged her scalp before Liko fell into a deep sleep for the next 16 hours.

[tori-isss-dying]

tw huge trauma dump ab my family and childhood trauma (pls someone see this, i'm literally begging, oh my god i'm pathetic)

i never talk to my dad. we live in the same house, we're just both too awkward to talk ig, we only have conversations more than "bring those dishes downstairs" when there is anything to do with stranger things or cobra kai.

my mum is complicated. she's a complicated person. she's very passive aggressive a lot of the time. she advocates for me and my sisters at school and stuff and then will proceed to do things that i don't know if she realises are ableist. in primary school she used to make it so that we weren't allowed any sort of chocolate or anything unless it was the weekend and she was always talking about how much she wanted to do diets to be "healthy" and she'd work out to the point of exhaustion. she always throws herself in the deep end with everyone else and just expects to float but she's making us all drown. me and my sisters are all autistic. however back then we were all not aware of this so my older sister would have these massive meltdowns and my mum would just go off at her, acting like it was something she could help, she threw things at her sometimes, always yelling, never tried to comfort her or understand past the basic "are you ok?" and then when my sister couldn't respond "fine. don't answer. you clearly don't want my help anyway." like she took the meltdowns as an attack on her. my younger sister was always dead silent in public, completely mute never spoke in front of anyone besides family and the couple of friends she had. she was severely dyslexic and very behind in schoolwork. our school refused to do anything about it. so mum would spend hours looking through her old schoolwork to find evidence of something wrong. she never makes it feel like she cares about helping. she makes it seem like her life is significantly worse for our existence. if we ever try to talk to her about anything serious or not, something else is always more important. i'm doing housework. i'm watching tv. i remember taking my younger sister upstairs to play with toys because i could tell my mum and my older sisters arguing really really upset her. we'd play sylvanian families until it was over. if we ever try to tell her how she can improve anything no matter how small it's "so i'm a bad mum? you guys gang up on me to gaslight me into thinking i'm in the wrong." she's very bad at communicating. she just assumes we want an argument. she always turns into an entirely different person around other people. happy, smiley, extremely loving. that's not to say doesn't love us. she just never acts like it. she does physical things for us but makes us feel like we're a huge burden on her for even just being around her.

i am the glass child, even though i am disabled myself, i have always masked around everyone, even alone. i listen to my mums rants about how stressed and overwhelmed she is by looking after us. i listen to my older sisters rants about my mum. i am the only one who can decipher what my little sister means sometimes. i listen to her when wants to talk. i give advice. therapise them. wise beyond my years. was i that way naturally? or was i treating everyone how i wanted to be treated? i protect them and help them. i don't open up to them. why would i? they're busy watching tv and ironing while muttering passive aggressively under their breath. come to think of it, there were parental lock things on all my sisters' devices to stop them from seeing inappropriate shit, but there wasn't on mine. was i grown up enough to see adult things? i was 7. but oh well she's so responsible, it's like she's an old person stuck in a child's body. no one ever asked me how i felt. every time my mum asked for my opinion on any arguments if i agreed with my sister, not her, we were ganging up on her. "oh so everything's my fault?" "oh i guess i'm just the most abusive parent in the world". i was never taught how to wash my hair or body. one day my mum just stopped doing it for me. "you're old enough to do it yourself now, this is taking the piss." teach me then. "you're so good at looking after your sisters and mum aren't you?" i was 10. be good for other people. help other people. you are invisible unless they need something, you don't get an opinion. this was only re-enforced by the church i went to at the time (i am agnostic now) and girlguiding. the brownie rule or some shit was "a brownie guide puts others before herself". serve them. the people. get good grades, it's what your teachers and parents want. keep your room obsessively tidy, it's what your mum wants. chip away at your soul for everyone else.

my older sister once told me she thought i was selfish for all the people pleasing i did. "you only do it selfishly. you don't actually care about us." i told my mum about it and she said "well she's right, doing things for other people makes us happy too." they never expressed pride in me other than when i got good grades.

i am a ghost. i never got to form my own opinions that's why i don't have any. i'm not human. i never developed into one. i have never been anyone's priority. i never will be. no one will ever care.

writing this, i keep slipping into past tense as if i don't still live here but it just feels distant.

[komohine]

(College au)

Today i bring you found siblings Pidge and James. Wont disclose too much (for suspense but also bcs i havent figured everytjinf out yet) but basically Pidge is a 15 year old in an extremely fast paced and competitive college environment (their uni, Burnham, is basically just another ivy league in this universe. And she’s in uni for compsci and coding) balancing her schoolwork with her tireless search for her missing brother and father. That’s not healthy for a 15 year old. On top of that she doesn’t get that big of a monthly stipend because her mother is really struggling to keep everything afloat alone. And even though her mom tells her not to worry of course Pidge fucking worries.

James comes from a similarly fast paced and stressful background. His whole life was pretty much making sure everything he did was beyond perfect for not only the public eye but also so he could maybe get some love from his parents (never happened). He’s balancing a dual major and a minor with the responsibilities of being his parents company’s heir and it absolutely sucks but at least he’s a legal adult.

Pidge does NOT like James at first. Like with James you either really like him or you really, really hate him. Most people like him but the small minority that hate him are passionate about it. She always questioned Keith’s taste and thought James was a no good pretentious asshole that would only hurt Keith and everyone around him.

Until one day, while James is spending some time in the dorm, Pidge offhandedly mentions to Hunk how annoying it was that her favourite chocolate brand doubled in price because of import fees because she could no longer afford buying it. James made zero indication that he care or even that he heard this. But two days go by and the paladin dorm gets a fresh grocery delivery (their struggle with groceries was a recurring theme). Beyond the fact that James went out of his way to buy groceries for them, the groceries weren’t just a random assortment of stuff either. Inside were spices Hunk complained he was missing, a premium protein powder for Lance because Lance finds the cheap ones taste quite bad, chestnuts for Keith, and a megapack of the chocolate Pidge wanted. Down to the specific kind of chocolate from the specific brand.

And Pidge had been so wrapped up in her insane schedule and stresses that she’d forgotten how nice it was for an adult to take care of things for her. Because making the decision to skip out on your favourite treat in favour of actual nourishing food bcs you cant afford both is a heartbreaking decision to make at 15. And Pidge realizes that maybe James isn’t so bad.

And she starts sucking up to him and loudly mentioning her favourite snacks around him because she knows he’ll buy them for her and every grocery delivery she’s proved right when her favourite snacks show up. But one day James just looks at her and goes “you know you can ask me directly, right? I don’t mind” and Pidge crumbles a little and her voice gets stuck in her throat and she can only manage a weak comeback because shes now realizing that James actually does care and that he reminds her a lot of Matt and she misses Matt so much its painful.

One time Keith and James were out but Keith forgot something in his dorm. James is the faster one so he offered to go get it for Keith and ended up accidentally walking in on Pidge having a full on meltdown (Pidge and Keith are roommates). James very quickly walked back out of that room to give her space but he didn’t leave immediately. After he heard her sniffling die down a bit he asked through the door if she wanted to talk about it. Because James came from a big family that was devoid of love. He would do anything to have had one of his older siblings comfort him when he was younger and sad over whatever. The least he can do is try to be what his older brothers were not. Because he sees himself reflected in Pidge in a way. He knows if he was in her position at her age he’d kill for someone older to tell him that all will be well eventually.

And instead of answering Pidge just opens the door and hugs James and James is a little shocked but hugs back nonetheless and sits with her on the dorm floor for a long while (he had to text Keith to go on without him) listening to her ramble about school problems, more personal issues, club penguin drama, and warrior cats lore.

[high-functioning-fang1rl]

Desperately need to distract myself from last night’s episode, so have a new

Nica Headcanon!

Eventually, when the dust settles, Nica completes her thesis and gets her degree.

It’s Andy’s idea, and she initially laughs it off when he mentions it one night while they’re laying in bed. She points out that her whole life is different now, that she’s a different person- she’s older, a trauma survivor and a Mother.

Andy doesn’t push it, but he kisses her hair and promises she’d have his help and support- in school and parenting- if she decided to go back, and that it may be a chance to take her life back, do something for herself, and be proud of an accomplishment.

Despite her best efforts to forget the conversation, it sticks with her for days. When she finally decides she wants to do it, she talks to all of the kids before signing up, terrified they’ll feel like she’s abandoning them when she becomes busier with schoolwork.

Nica is never more grateful for her new family- her true family- than when she’s completing her degree. Andy, Rachel and Kyle step up to make her more frequent absence from the cabin almost unnoticeable. The kids all stay on their best behavior (as much as they can) so that they don’t contribute to their mother’s stress or make her worry.

Despite her anxieties and embarrassment over being one of the older students in the class, Nica pushes through and finishes, finally getting her degree! She doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it, and insists to Andy that she does not want a party, but if he wants to plan a nice dinner he can, since she knows he would feel bad not celebrating.

She’s shocked, then, when she returns home to find streamers and signs all over the cabin, all of the kids and her family there yelling their congratulations.

“It wasn’t me.” Andy is quick to tell her, shrugging as he smiles over at the kids. It’s only then that it sinks in that all the signs say “Congratulations, Mom!” Or “Proud of you, Mom!”

“They said their *Mom* always celebrates them, and they wanted to be able to do the same for her.” He says softly.

Nica heads straight for them, and as if they’ve been waiting, they all tackle her with hugs and love, letting her hold onto each of them a little longer than normal.

Andy snaps a picture of her with all of her kids, and it’s Greg’s framed and put on her bedside table, along with the Full Family Photo from that day,

She was wrong, she thinks, she *could* be more grateful for her family.

[girderednerve]

okay i am making a list

i keep half-writing these like panicky misery-posts about the everything of it all, you know, the horrific wave of violence. uh. that. several people i love are stuck in difficult situations with which i cannot meaningfully assist. i am afraid all the time in the back of my head, which is how it felt before we left florida, & i didn't miss it. so i am making: a list

weaving shoelaces is really fun & i want to make more little woven projects, like i came across a project for weaving a little square basket out of two narrowish woven bands, which appeals to me conceptually. plus at the end you have a container, so it's more useful than many other little projects which appeal to me conceptually

i got a stupid bill in the mail from bill-by-plate, but i somehow just never received the first two notices, so i was going to owe them like $60 for a two-hour road trip i took last year (garbage???). i called the customer service line & the person i spoke to sorted everything out & was so kind & i ended up getting everything straightened out & only paying $7, which is way less terrible. i love public services

embarked on ridiculous project at work to resolve the problems with our collection of circulating ice skates & multiple people at work have been excited about my ideas & interested in helping. gratifying, because i always feel like i am a bad person to work with (too much energy often poorly directed; liable to tell you dull Nerd Facts™; awkward)

i love talking to my friends on the phone <3 also online but it's very fun to call my friends on the way home from work & stress them out by yelling at bad drivers in the cross walk/wobbling precariously on sidewalk ice. thank u to all my friends

tentative job offer to part-time ref librarian job i was excited about was accompanied by a note from the library director saying that she thought something i said in my interview was eloquent & asking if i have an interest in library administration. on the one hand, flattered, sort of delighted by the idea of working for someone who takes an interest in their staff; on the other, i do not want to be in management. but i am incredibly interested in administration, like i want to know about every part of what the library does & how, what everybody's jobs are, how the books get done, all that stuff. & to be fair i told her i have an interest in written policies [in my DEFENSE this is because i wanted to get a sense of how she felt about them, because i am completely over working somewhere that resists actively maintained written policies, don't want to do it again]. i just don't want to be responsible for it hahaha

it's been so cold & snowy out but it's just shockingly beautiful. i am shocked every time i go outside at the light, the starkness of it, the deep snow & the glittering ice. probably i'm delighted about this because i haven't fallen down yet & it is definitely a yet, our sidewalks are fucking hazardous. but it's beautiful & i'm glad i get to see it

friend got a sick vampire tattoo using a font that she asked me to pick out. little bit verklempt about it tbh (it's 'i have a capacity for enduring' in pia frauss' tagettes, in case u wondered; it has a sick pen swash dragon character, not relevant to this tattoo project but just a fact i felt u should have)

perfume! also my vampire teeth hahaha they are so silly but they make me really happy & it's such a goofy little joy that it knocks me out of my deep miserable contemplations

deep well of affection for girlfriend. she is suffering in grad school & i want to fight everyone in her horrible group project but she's so smart & thoughtful & i love listening to her tell me about her schoolwork & what she's thinking about. she's so cool u guys

black sails is rlly good. & of course in my heart i get to contemplate, vampires <3

[msmargaretmurry]

Different anon, but who noticed your grad school exhaustion comment on my feed - I FEEL you, I'm at the tail-end of my grad school journey and it's only in the past few months that it's finally let up, and if it's any comfort, I've written three new fics in those few months after writing absolutely nothing over the previous three years, and they're some of the stronger things I've ever written (and my grad school course had absolutely nothing to do with writing!) You have my utmost sympathies right now, and it DOES come back!

thank you anon, this is such a nice message, and it DID get me a little choked up ❤ extremely nice to know i'm not alone and that the grad school exhaustion does not last forever!! this past year was especially hard because a) i took a summer class, so i only had a few weeks scattered throughout the year where i wasn't in a class or preparing for classes, b) for reasons that mostly boil down to administrative incompetence on my department's part, my fall semester especially was WILDLY stressful and had me doing about 30 hours of schoolwork a week for like six weeks straight on top of my full-time job, which c) was really busy because our marquee event is in early january and because of the stupid calendar this year it was RIGHT after new year's which was SO hectic!!!! so my semester ended and i didn't even get a break because the work thing meant taking VERY little time off for the holidays 😭 there are not words for how burnt out i was by the time i got home last week. like i got home last monday and still haven't left my apartment because i am still just too tired. but i have been trying to be gentle with myself and slowly getting my life/apartment back together (i had not like. cleaned my room. or gone grocery shopping. or put laundry away. or done any life maintenance for about two months, lmao), and i took all of next week off work so i can be well-rested and well-prepared going into the spring semester and HOPEFULLY have a better school-work-life balance. we have fixed the administrative incompetence problems and i just feel like i have a better handle on grad school in general now so i am tentatively optimistic. and also owing folks fic for team lift fest gives me a real reason to prioritize writing a little bit 😊

anyway. i just needed to complain a little i think 😂 but thank you so much for your understanding and encouragement, anon. and congrats on being almost done!! you're an inspiration!!! ❤

[gisxlles]

(JASMIN HOPPE, CIS WOMAN, SHE/HER) - is GISELLE BRANDT late to class again? how does the 21 year old JUNIOR expect to get their degree in DIGITAL MEDIA? professors say that they are AFFECTIONATE but i heard that they are TRACTABLE. hopefully they’ll make it to graduation! ooc: hi all! i'm marie and i'm super excited to get to know all your characters. i have to hop off for a work event (and will probably be lurking on mobile) but i'll be back on tonight to read over intros & reach out to plot. speaking of, if you want to plot with giselle, give this a like & i'll message you!!

basics.

full name: giselle marie brandt

nickname: gigi

age: twenty-one

dob: february 28, 2000

hometown: timber creek, ma

ethnicity: thai & german

sexuality: bicurious

languages: english (fluent), thai (fluent), german (conversational)

appearance.

faceclaim: jasmin hoppe

hair color: brunette with lighter brown/dark blonde highlights

eye color: brown

height: 5'5

tattoos: a small b&w tattoo of a flower on her left outer wrist

piercings: just her ears are pierced

family.

mother: chalita somsi

father: henri brandt

pets: shepard brandt (a grey british shorthair cat)

background.

the brandt family is considered something akin to royalty within timber creek; the family establishing it's roots in the town since the beginning. their name coming to be through successful business ventures, the most notable being the opening of timber creek university. the man who was to inherit the business and the woman he married (who his family wasn't fond of) didn't expect to welcome a bundle of joy into the world so soon but here came giselle. she brought a happiness to the couple and hopes that this child could fix their marital problems. how naive of them to think that though. the cheating continued on henri's part and chalita struggled with this loneliness for years. giselle was oblivious to it all. her views of being a princess esque figure in this fairytale life she was living clouding what was in front of her. her fairytale came crashing down when she was ten. her mother had enough of this life and filed for divorce. her father got custody of giselle but she saw her mother part of the summer and for some holidays. the little girl couldn't understand what happened to the love between her parents she thought she'd seen through the years. how could it just disappear? how did her family break? giselle grew older. henri remarried (but still struggled with infidelity). they were a new family. with that, giselle finally got a glance of what her mother was put through. she never wanted to be put through that so she vowed to forget about the whole storybook love she once wanted. a love life that only consisted of hookups, one night stands with strangers, or fake dates to appease her parents. as giselle enters her junior year at timber creek uni, she still struggles with what she wants out of life. when you've been given everything you've ever wanted in life, what more could you ask for?

headcanons.

even after everything, giselle is still a daddy's girl. it helps that he spoils her with anything she wants.

one of her favorite things to do is ice skate. it's something she use to do with her mother a lot growing up and she's pretty good at it. maybe not olympic level good but she's earned a couple medals & trophies.

her other favorite thing to do is play video games. it's her way to de-stress / when she wants to be alone. her fave game is probably mass effect (hence her cat's name).

wanted.

step - sibling (wanted connection on main)

fake boyfriend (wanted connection on main)

the trinity - give me a cute little trio of besties that are always there for each other. pls let me know if u are interested in this! (nora vogel & OPEN)

family friends - the brandts are well known so maybe our families know each other

tutor - giselle isn't the greatest when it comes to schoolwork so she probably needs help in a class or two

ice skating partner - she does pairs so it would be cool to have a partner here

the co-op couch - someone who will play video games with her. they bring the snacks and she provides the drinks and they play all night long.

the set up - giselle humored her parents one time and went on a date with someone they set her up with and it was y/c. they did NOT hit it off and it ended in disaster.

the puppeteer - giselle is pretty gullible so maybe someone is manipulating her for something? that could be fun!

hookups / one night stands - giselle avoids relationships but she's all for hooking up and leaving in the middle of the night.

the one who got away - this person is probably the closest one to get giselle to admit to some feelings. she really liked them but refused to acknowledge it and sabotaged whatever was between them. a regret of hers.

girl crush - giselle's never dated or hooked up with a woman before but she is curious about it. she finds y/c attractive but doesn't know if she is bisexual?

rivals - sporting rivals could be fun! giselle does tennis and ice skating and maybe they are always trying to one up each other.

ex-friends - the two used to be close but something happened which caused their friendship to end??

enemies - someone who just does not like giselle and giselle doesn't like them.

really i'm open to any & all ideas so if you have something that giselle could fill, throw it my way to discuss!!

[ssj2hindudude]

Ok, I don't know if this counts as a Hot Take but...

I did not care for Sukhee (2023)

*Spoiler warning if you haven't seen it and want to*

Ok, before you hit me with the pitchforks and torches, hear me out. I'm all for female empowerment and I'll admit, the main protagonist's life sucked. She was a housewife with barely any time for herself anymore, her husband and daughter took her for granted, and she had to constantly appeal to a society that (as much as I love my fellow Indian peeps) were straight up insufferable. To make things worse, the only person understanding her situation died and she had to pick between a frick ton of backlash and her highschool reunion aka the one shot she had at reconnecting with her past.

But I still had some big problems with the plot:

It straight up ignored the fact that the husband was as much if not more overworked than she was and high-key blamed him for her situation. This man was working himself until he crashed on the bed KO'd not long after dinner. Man was stressed but the movie kept telling him to understand HER situation but not the other way around.

Their daughter wasn't treated much better. Girl had schoolwork, monitoring other students, and a bunch of extracurriculars over her head and the lesson she had to learn was STILL doing stuff by herself. This girl was 15 and she was as stressed and overworked as her parents.

I will never get over how little accountability this movie made her take for her actions. Imagine you just find out your wife posted her cringey high school days on social media, embarrassing everybody, and the next thing you see is the wife of the man you've been trying to make a deal with pulling a wrestling move on him because your wife told him to.

Imagine you work yourself to the bone trying to get a better life for your family and without explaining why it's important, your wife suddenly tells you she wants to go to what you only know is a party while everyone is struggling. And after you tell her no, the first thing she does is go anyway, leaving you and your kid on your own to suffer with her absence. And the next thing you hear is she is going around with some other guy, man was living every man's worst nightmare!

Imagine your mom runs off who knows where, your dad tells you she's not coming back, and after a day of kids making fun of you for it, this random kid you scolded while being a hall monitor tells you you're lucky because you have a mom. I'm sorry, is the lesson here that deadbeat moms should be excused because orphans exist?!?

And the friends make it worse because while they keep supporting her, they keep taking the blame off of her instead of telling her what she did wrong while telling her how to turn her life around. Hum Saath Saath Hain tried to warn us about friends like these but we weren't finna listen. I will not be convinced these women were not trying to get this woman divorced because this whole time they were clearly shipping her with somebody else. And when the daughter tells what she only knows is a deadbeat parent "I hate you" and she cries, they tell her that she's just a kid, she doesn't know what she talking about. Ma'am, this is the same kid you said was old enough to do things herself, is emotional expression not one of them?!?

And Sukhee is never taught to actually express what she's thinking. She never tells her husband why this reunion was so important to her, (in fact she tells him she wants a break from her boring life as though that wording wouldn't have instantly made her cry if the roles were reversed), and their "fight" was her telling him things that could've been easily avoided if they oh I don't know, took time to talk about!

And that ending was what did it for me. Instead of Sukhee taking accountability for running off and leaving her family like that, she gets praised for it by everyone including her husband and daughter. Clear something up for me, is the lesson that whenever women can't express their struggles that the first thing they should do is run away and worry everyone so they'll give her what she wants??? Cause that's the message I got from this.

Can you imagine how much backlash this movie would've gotten if the dad dared to pull anything like this? Imagine if a man felt like he was in a rut, told his wife he wanted to go to a reunion, gets told things are too stressful here for him to run off to some party, goes anyway and leaves them to face society and possible bankruptcy because he wasn't working (or doing other things around the house that people take for granted because men do it), spent time with his friends and some random lady from his past, and comes back with his family clinging to him because they thought he left them forever. The movie would've become a flop the minute he left. The audience would've been screaming at the screen telling this woman to divorce this man and take the kid far away from him and that he deserves to have his life ruined.

Like I said, I've got no problem with female empowerment, but my problem is how this lady was allowed to get away with and put her family through so much with little to no accountability. There's good points about this movie like appreciating and respecting your wife and mother, but for me, the bad points outweigh them by a long shot. Shilpa Shetty is a good actress, but the movie didn't do it for me.

I did not care for Sukhee (2023)