#also i guess if anyone missed the context not that it matters i did a poll because i got a free blaze from tumblr for doing a survey and

[ratwars]

Obvs I blocked from my inbox but like. Bro...

[enlitment]

Camille Desmoulins and Maximilien Robespierre – doomed by the Revolution?

a second part of the answer to the ask kindly sent by @iron--and--blood - first part can be found here

Okay, so I tried to follow the sources and I ended up missing what is arguably the key question. I think that there is enough evidence that warrants seeing Camille and Maximilien’s relationship as a ‘friendship torn apart but the revolution’, but could it in fact be something more that the chain of events of the mid-1790s ended up destroying?

(aka the good old “were they gay?” question)

It’s probably not surprising to anyone that there is no conclusive evidence that would suggest that either of them was definitely queer or that they were involved in some kind of a relationship. For context, the French Constitutional Assembly did decriminalise homosexuality, since there was simply no mention of private same-sex relationships it in the penal code of 1791.

Of course, there would still be a stigma surrounding queerness, seeing how France was a Catholic country – well, up to that point. On the other hand, it is also important to remember that anyone who received a higher education at that time would be well versed in classical authors (Greek and Roman that is), so they would have a framework for a positively viewed queer attraction/relationship (I'm mostly thinking of a kind of Alcibiades/Socrates vibes here. I think it sort of fits? Well it does in my headcanon anyway...). Camille especially seemed to be really into classics, making references to classical authors, history or mythology in approximately every other sentence.

CAMILLE – VICES HONTEUX AND A POSSIBILE BICON

If we consider Camille, I think it is clear that he was attracted to women. I think that the historical sources show that he genuinely did love his wife - Lucile - although it may also be true he was bit of a cad. There is a whole deal with him and Lucile’s mother with whom he apparently exchanged some flirty letters? I honestly need to look into it more at some point.

That said, attraction to women of course doesn’t exclude attraction to men. The one thing that would suggest Camille might have pursued a same-sex relationships is the reference to “vices honteux“ (shameful vices), which Saint-Just claims were attributed to Camille by Danton. We also learn from Robespierre’s note that this refered to something that was ‘totally unrelated to the revolution’.

So we know it’s something that would be seen as ‘shameful’ behaviour, but nonetheless a private matter. Could it be interest in same-sex relationships? It’s of course hard to say, but the theory is not completely implausible. For a discussion about this, I recommend this article.

MAXIMILIEN – A CONFIRMED BACHELOR?

With Maximilien Robespierre, it gets a little more complicated. He was essentially a confirmed bachelor, living with a family that adored him but that was not his own (and also a dog. He had a dog.) Talk about a found family trope!

Some sources claim that he was engaged to Éléonore Duplay, but Robespierre’s sister for one vehemently denies this. It’s true that he could probably easily have married her – I can’t imagine her family being opposed to it, far from it probably – but the fact is that for one reason or another, he did not.

He also didn’t really seem to capitalise on his massive popularity among the Parisian women. (Though, to be fair, neither did Rousseau and he was… well I guess he was his own version of heterosexual.)

Sure, one can interpret that as Robespierre being a workaholic or putting the revolution above everything else, but I personally think it is very possible that he would be considered to be on the asexual spectrum by today’s standards.

That said, although France was moving away from institutionalised religion at that point, Catholic guilt could certainly play a role, especially in someone who prided himself in his moral conduct and was told to be rigid about the rules. So the possibility of him being closeted as an explanation for his lack of interest in women would also not be completely off the table.

As to Camille and Maximilien being together in some way? I think there is certainly a precedence for this type of relationship in adolescence. Seeing that they have studied together (and shared enthusiasm for classics probably), it is not impossible, though of course, it is highly speculative.

I think it is also fair to say that Robespierre went above and beyond for Camille until the last few months. That is something he probably would have not done for many other people. He actually said as much himself:

“Learn, Camille, that if you were not Camille, one could not have so much indulgence for you.“

Was it because Camille was universally liked by the revolutionaries for all the good he has done? Possibly, but I think one can also read more into it. It certainly suggests that Camille was special in some way, and the fact that Robespierre uses ‚one‘ instead of ‚I‘ does not necessarily mean he is not speaking about himself here.

CAMILLE AND MAXIMILIEN IN THE MEDIA

When it comes to media portrayal, the relationship often comes across as queer-coded - to an extent.

In La Révolution française, this aspect is more prominent between Robespierre and Saint-Just, but with some well-timed smiles and glances, it almost reads as a tragic love triangle between the three. There are some unfortunate implications however, mainly that the hints of Robespierre's queerness in the movie are implicitly associated with his descent to tyrany. Ugh. (And let's face it, a kind of effeminacy linked to villainy as well. Honestly, who thought that kind of portrayal would be a good idea? Kudos for making a historical movie about the French Revolution come across as homophobic I guess.)

Hilary Mantel straight-up makes Camille Desmoulins bisexual (ish?) in A Place of Greater Safety, though there are <a lot of> issues with that portrayal, as discussed here (watch me linking another mutual's great post! Frevblr is truly the best). Not sure how the relationship with Robespierre is presented here since it’s one of the books I’ve been in the middle of for months.

And then there’s Stanisława Przybyszewska of course. She would honestly warrant a separate post, but long story short: in her works, there is no doubt about the fact that she portrays the relationship between them as queer. She invokes the Erastes/eromenos dynamic between them (quite explicitly, referring to Camille as an ephebe at one point) and makes the attraction between the two seem palpable. There is plenty of queer (under)tones to be found in The Danton Case, but in Last Nights of Ventôse , she straight up interprets the fall of the Dantonists as Camille running into Danton’s arms to spite Robespierre for snubbing him and rejecting his devotion (romantic advances?). And it gets quite physical – not in a way that would warrant an E rating, but it would certainly deserve one for the sheer emotional intensity.

[keets-writing-corner]

One thing I noticed is that Lucifer doesn't disassociate when singing, and what's one common factor in his songs? Charlie, so I like to imagine that in these instances he's so focused on her that his depression temporarily takes a back seat because he loves his kid so much that he forgets why he's sad in the first place.

ooh I like your headcanons!

hmm I guess we could look at this a couple of different ways (some of what I'm about to say comes from personal experience which may be different than what some other people experience so idk feel free to agree or disagree with my musings)

So dissociation doesn't [technically] affect your ability to speak, it affects your ability to focus. The way I was talking about it in my analysis was that it nerfed Lucifer's conversation comprehension, with him being unable to follow along the entire time (and consequently either has NO idea what anyone is talking about or only gets half the picture).

The only times Lucifer really fumbles his words is when he gets nervous around Charlie either cuz he's trying to make a good impression

Or when he realizes his depression is biting him in the ass and he just missed crucial pieces of information and cannot bluff his way through the conversation

Although shout out to that one time we caught him realizing he needed to bluff and stumbled a little

But otherwise, he articulates himself perfectly fine, cuz again, dissociation isn't about speaking ability so much as it is about focus. Even in my bouts of dissociation I can verbalize myself just fine for the most part, it's whether or not what I have to say is relevant to the conversation, which uh Lucifer also showed off at some point when he thought Charlie was asking him about the hotel's appearance rather than her actual plan to redeem sinners and comments on the railings. (Or idk there is another interpretation that he was avoiding the subject, maybe it was both he disassociated while Charlie was explaining everything to him but did catch that she wanted to redeem sinners at some point, but didn't quite understand what she was asking until she clarified? he didn't seem surprised when she did clarify so I'm assuming he ended up catching it at least once)

So I'm bringing this up because it ends up being kinda hard to tell whether or not he is or is not disassociating when he sings, cuz the dissociation wouldn't affect the singing at all.

When he's having a sing battle against Alastor, sure he's articulating himself well and presenting his points, but we don't actually know whether or not he's following along what Alastor is saying. Honestly, Lucifer vs Alastor just seemed like 2 territorial chickens yelling at each other trying to be louder than the other one. Maybe Lucifer is catching everything cuz his jealous and rage helped him focus for once, maybe he's not catching everything but he doesn't need to catch everything to know that he doesn't like Alastor and he doesn't need to focus to tell Alastor how much he dislikes him.

But what about the other two songs, "More than Anything" and "Finale"?

He is technically outright having a conversation with Charlie in the first one and in the second one, he seems fully aware of the context of the situation and is focusing more on a lifting spirits role

Well it could be a lot of things I think. I don't think it's that the depression or the sadness took a back seat, that's still present. From my own experiences, it is possible to get yourself to focus in a dissociative episode when the subject matter is something you're passionate about or in Lucifer's case, someone that he loves. We know the dissociation was unfortunately strong enough that it was making him miss out on a lot of things Charlie (aforementioned loved one) was telling him, especially in the beginning.

But looking at "More than Anything" what changed in that scene? He was with Charlie the entire episode but that was the first scene where he really managed to hold a conversation. I think it was a combination of: Okay his baby girl is there and she NEEDS him, and he opens up as to why he's hesitant about her plan. He's not explicit with the mention of his trauma, but trauma does make someone more alert. I'd also like to give a special shout out to @in-fair-verona-we-set-our-scene who made these lovely tags on my analysis post

Specifically, I want to talk about that they mention that Lucifer is being a lot more genuine in his song with Charlie, aka he's not masking. He's not trying to hide or bluff how he's doing. He's not putting on a show, he's not being goofy or larger than life, he's being genuine and his genuine self is tired, sad and resigned. Let me tell you, my dissociation is 100% worse when I'm masking.

I think in "More Than Anything" a mix of things are going on, he's not needing to mask for a minute which boosts the focus, he's opening up about trauma and it's being gently received which boosts focus, and he's talking to someone he loves about something he was once passionate about which boosts focus. So ye! It could entirely be that in that song he was not dissociating!

As far as "Finale" I legitimately can't really tell whether or not he is? He's not really having a conversation with anyone, he's just trying to uplift his daughter, and again, in my experiences, dissociation doesn't necessarily nerf your ability to speak. We also know that he knows how to put on a show even in the depths of the dissociation like in "Hell's Greatest Dad" soooo as for that song... -shrug-?????

There is an element here that we have to take into account. Hazbin Hotel is a traditional musical, so we must look at a theater saying, "When the emotion becomes too strong for speech, you sing." Which is more or less what happened in all the songs Lucifer was a part in, so there's definitely some meta technical things going on in that a song wouldn't be very dramatic if the person singing it was dissociating the whole time? I mean I guess it could be done, I've just never seen it? Usually the musical number has to be clear in its purpose. The protagonist of Dear Even Hansen can sing just fine when any other speaking parts he fumbles with his words a lot.

AAAAAAALLL of this to say: Does Lucifer stop disassociating when he sings? -shrugs- I think it really depends on the context, but I wouldn't at all be surprised cuz high emotion can lead to greater focus in a moment. Although it's really cute to think that he doesn't dissociate cuz singing with Charlie is just that much of a boost for him cuz he loves his wittle girl

[sgiandubh]

Sasnak City - a different view

I will never encourage you enough to read the whole comments' thread of a post you liked. Otherwise, it's blink and you'll miss it, as I almost missed the only feedback of the Sasnak City event we have on this side of the spectrum: @rosfrank's. She graciously agreed to let me repost them and I truly thank her for the kindness.

Her comments were made under two different posts, so I collated them and vetted their content as much as I could, given the unprecedented context of the SAG-AFTRA strike and the scarcity of details. I did not watch the recap on Instagram, because I am not a fan of the format.

I had no idea Sasnak City was a consistent partner of the Camp Encourage for autistic children project. At least since 2020, as a very superficial Google search shows:

...in 2020, with RR...

... in 2022....

What is Camp Encourage?

This:

Do you have any idea of what it is to be the mother of an autistic child? I don't have this honor. I have never been through the stress and the pain of looking for the right solution, for the good therapist. I never had to swallow my impotent tears and fight with the angel, fruitlessly asking myself why did it happen to me.

I can assure you that career, money and the white picket fence house which mortgage you just paid off do not matter. Not when you wait dejected, with your well-garnished checkbook and no hope in sight, until the good doctor will finally see you. Not when your child is a desperately inaccessible fortress. Not when you tell yourself you just can't take it anymore and yet miraculously find out that yes, you eventually can, over and over and over again.

Before judging, you might want to take a moment.

Side note: the man who supposedly is not good with kids interacted with the organizer's autistic son. On stage (try and take an autistic person out of their comfort zone, anyone?). Oh. What an inconvenient truth, again.

Different figures circulate. I think this is pretty close to reality and also to the 'small and personal fan convention format'. Not sure it made anybody rich overnight, after you deduce all the costs - part of proceeds went to the above charity, anyways. Zealots would like more transparency, perhaps. With which moral authority?

Second bone of contention and a particularly unsavory one, at that, the disrespect of the SAG-AFTRA's strike rules:

What was I telling you, the other day?

As for the limbo, I cannot believe no one bothered to look around a bit for confirmation. On Facebook, for example:

They did their due diligence homework. This announcement was posted on July 14, 2023, with a solidarity with the strike hashtag to boot. Propaganda? Hypocrisy? Oh, give me a break. It is legally impeccable.

There you go. No mention of the show anywhere - check. Screened questions - check. Only the SS paraphernalia (pics, etc) supplied - check. Books still ok for autographs (at S's discretion to go ahead or not, which means SAG-AFTRA is ok with, by the way) - check. Make lemonade when life gives you lemons and 'be creative' - check.

Where is the problem? Why certain sleuthing skills suddenly vanish when it's about formulating a balanced, reasonable POV?

Let me guess. It's all about the "go away, ugly socks, your story sucks" syndrome. Oh.

You'd wish, duckies. You'd wish.

I am not these people's lawyer. Playing Atticus Finch completely ceased to interest me sometime around 1998 AD. I even doubt we can stand each other IRL, for reasons. But I am not discussing people, here. I am discussing and debunking a homespun web of self-righteous lies.

Thank you, @rosfrank. Your gesture was generous and very, very brave.

[wheelofmeta]

An interesting thing I'm kind of sad Robert Jordan didn't do is have Berelain, instead of going with Perrin and then having the nonsense that is the love triangle plotline with him and Faile, is have it be she goes with Mat to get Elayne/end up in the Ebou Dar plotline.

Berelain in particular involved in Ebou Dar would get interesting, both in the context of her interacting with Tyelin (both rulers of weak nations, but Berelain arguably in a much stronger position due to her connection to Rand versus Altara's isolation at large at that point). On top of that, if say, Berelain and Mat are involved does Tyelin still target Mat? Or does she leave be since Berelain is the ruler of another country? If she's kept there post-Seanchan attack (say she misses the Traveling ala Mat for some reason, such as having left to run an errand and mistimed things), her and Tuon interacting (both claiming ancestry from Hawkwing). To do this it would make most sense to make the love triangle plotline a matter of Berelain/Mat/Tuon rather than the canon situation, but that could get interesting.

Berelain is a city-state rule who is an ally of the Dragon Reborn and respected by him, who claims to be descended from Hawkwing, and makes use of an Aes Sedai advisor. Tuon is the heiress to a continent spanning empire (and eventual Empress) who is an enemy of Rand's, and owns a former Aes Sedai damane. If Mat's say, already in a relationship/getting somewhere with Berelain, but also has the prophesy with Tuon hanging over his head, how does that go? Or if RJ had decided on this sort of thing, would he have made the prophesy more ambiguous to make Mat be guessing which it's supposed to be about? Would it have still be the canon one and Mat's reluctant/unwilling to involve himself with Berelain as a result?

Also Mat has his own connection to Hawkwing due to being the initial Hornsounder and the way it feels at times like Hawkwing and a past incarnation of Mat's probably lead opposing armies at least some point. That connection is the one that Tuon picks up on rather than Mat's connection to Rand, which always amused me since Mat does arguably have a 'oh fuck' reaction to both questions but she misreads him on the Rand one.

(Honestly it's kind of impressive at no point during the traveling with the show arc did anyone slip up and allow Tuon to realize Mat and Rand do know each other)

It would have been super interesting to see how Tuon would have reacted to Berelain, and it's a genuine pity that in canon we don't get to see how she or the major Seanchan nobility react to her (yes she does interact with some Seanchan at one point but that's left sort of just with a comment and no further which I feel was a waste). Would they take offense and call her a liar? Or would they be more ambivalent/leery of doing that since it's not impossible? It's certainly unlikely, but not impossible (as is one can easily make the claim that there's no reason anyone in the Westlands should trust the Seanchan claims because it had been a thousand years and the reality is even if the Seanchan empire started out ruled by a member of Hawkwing's family, that specific family line could have died out). They may decide she's a liar since it's more politically valuable (if they agree she is, then it causes some issues for the Seanchan invasion justification) but there also is the possibility they wouldn't.

[unmechanism]

I can't stop thinking about how painful it must have been for Peter (which he'll only realize once he has consciously accepted everything that has happened, so I'm guessing in a while) to seduce Horace : the man who lost his love and never fully healed, who was craving love so deeply but buried it and kept functioning fine with only his late husband's memory, doing what he had to do to keep the family business afloat

working because he had to, for his family, day after day,

to not only lie to him, but slowly reopening his wounds, betraying him in a way he'll surely never recover from

"Part of me knew it was too good to be true. But after so long... so many years of such terrible weight on me... the dream of running away from it all seemed so sweet. I had to reach for it. Any of you would have done the same. I know you would. He said he loved me, and it was like a dream... a long sleep I let him lull me into."

it's interesting that this does not exactly parallel Juno (sure he was in Horace's position, but his dream has never actually been to leave it all behind - I believe this is especially true since we've heard how bad he misses his city this episode), cause this is not only Horace's dream, it's Peter's too, only not with him,

sure Horace obviously parallels Juno, but I believe he also parallels Peter in some ways : stuck in some unsatisfying yet unwavering ways, still going on, finding hope and meaning where he can in the name of someone who isn't even there anymore to see or understand it,

when suddenly he's blinded by the hope of a better future, of love and something better in the shape of an unexpected encounter, a proper life for himself that would let him make peace with the love he lost (reminds you of anyone?)

so yeah, I'm sure he tried very hard to not see that when he made that guy give it all up for a mirage,

it's also important to me that Horace is older, if he's the grandfather of a grown kid I guess he's probably in his late 60's? it would've been quite a different situation if Nureyev decided to seduce someone younger who still had hopes for the future, who didn't think that the best of his life was behind him, it's cruel and unlike anything we've seen of Peter until now (which definitely makes sense in context, I'm not truly blaming him for what he did)

cause the main difference between Horace and Nureyev is that he still has a chance, no matter how ridiculously small it is, at doing what he believes is right,

[wenellyb]

Hello, I know you’re new to the fandom so I just want to tell you you two things:

1. You can be mad a Ryan for what he said but believing he only apologised for keeping the job is just projecting. Oliver was mad too and not only him but more members and he didn’t speak to Ryan in years, they’re friends now, that means that Ryan is human and he has learnt, because we all made mistake and we all have to unlearn and educate ourselves.

Also, and please I love Tommy, but it’s also fun seeing how a lot of people (who hates Ryan/Eddie and Buddie) defend Tommy when he was racist and misogynistic when we met him. And he didn’t apologise, we just saw him talking with Chim and helping them and assumed that he did. So, if people can forgive a character and defend him saying “he has grown up and he has learnt and he made mistakes because he’s human and Chim and Hen have forgiven him”, we can say the same to a real human who was also forgiven by Oliver, Aisha and other members.

2. As people said, Roben from lone star (I don’t even know if that’s how you write his name) supports the genocide. He’s also problematic in different ways, and he hasn’t apologised, not even once. In fact, he has done the opposite and he hasn’t taken the time to unlearn and educate himself.

I’m not here to make you love Ryan, but we can learn from our mistakes. And maybe, if you can’t see just that, maybe it’s because you’re not ready and that’s why you’re projecting your feelings towards his apology. Anyways, that’s all! Bye!

Hi Anon!!!

Please don't mix 2 things:

- Tommy: fictional person

- Ryan Guzman : Actual real person

No matter how bad Tommy's actions have been, you can't compare the 2. It's easier for me to believe that a character has grown than a real person even though it happens all the time.

Now that we made that clear, please show me the post of people defending Tommy's past actions, because I'm not saying there aren't any, I'm saying I haven't seen any.

The post I have seen were posts calling out Tommy's past actions but saying he has grown since then , especially he made up with Chimney and Hen, exactly everthing you are saying about Ryan Guzman. You're saying there hasn't been an onscreen apology but with the kid of show 911 is...there are always scenes missing, where we have to guess what happened in between.

And again no!!! Fictional characters are not the same as real people! I love Anakin Skywalker but would hate him in real life (extreme example I know). Moving past Tommy's actions isn't the same as moving past Ryan's actions.

What you can do is compare Ryan's actions to Lou's actions: two actual people.

And take a look at your fandom, that is calling for forgiveness , education and growth for one, but calling for the other one to get fired??

Can you see why I'm annoyed by the double standards?

Especially since Lou's video was taken out of context.

This isn't against you anon personnally it's more a general statement, but fandoms will select whether or not to be mad based on whether the person involved is their fave or not.

So let me tell you the timeline of what happened and you'll let me know when I "projected my feelings about his apology":

1. I saw an interview where Ryan Guzman was defending the use of the n-word by non-Black people adding the classic "I have Black friends..."

2. I reblogged the interview and tagged it "wtf"

3. I received asks telling me about it and how bad it was, and pointed out the hypocrisy of the fandom because they wanted Lou to get fired for his "teasing" comment about Tommy but didn't want the same for Ryan.

4. I pointed out that the apology didn't feel genuine because instead of apologizing right away he, at first, doubled down on what he said.

Mind you, I never told anyone to get mad at Ryan, or ask for him to get fired, I was just pointing out the double standards.

I appreciate yoy sending this, and again, as I said this isn't "against" you I'm just taking the opportunity to share how I see this whole thing.

I'm of course new to this fandom, but I'm not new to fandoms in general, and this is the Sebastian Stan take a knee instagram post all over again. I know how it goes, I'm not surprised by the influx of messages about growth and forgiveness etc... But when those scandales involve people who are not your faves they get feral...

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

Goshiki(numa)

After a river, it's lakes! (reference to Sanzu-no-kawa/The River of three paths and, well, Sanzu.)

Goshiki-numa ('five-colors-lakes/ponds') are a bunch of lakes in Japan, known to have the particularity to change color (greyish, green, blue, ...) depending on the time of the year, the weather, etc (because of various reasons such as the minerals in the water). They are lakes that formed following a volcanic eruption. A nickname it was given is 'The Witch's Eye' so I hope Wakui has something about that.

Of course, being named after something that literally changes color makes the easy interpretation that Goshiki has different 'faces' (which everybody has because it comes free with your ability to socialize, but it has to be more marked in Goshiki) and that he's.. adaptable? He'd change face when the situation calls for it. For deeper interpretation, I'll have to wait for more textual matter. Sorry. We literally have nothing on him that's not my fault-

There is the fact those lakes were created because of a volcano eruption... Something about Goshiki's past resembling that in some shape or form? Can it be compared to the meteor shower? Did the meteor shower create lakes? Is it linked to any astro he may have? Who knows.

Now, there is a small difference of spelling between Goshiki the lakes (五色沼 - Goshikinuma) and Goshiki the character (伍色). 五 and 伍 both mean 5, the latter is simply an different way to write it. Why did Wakui choose to put this one, so far we can't theorize on why - at least, I can't. It is used in formal documents, not anywhere else, really. Goshiki already has that sense of being more of a business man of the family rather than a fighter if I may say, personality speaking he seems rather relaxed (always freaking smiling irritatingly) but we can only speculate so far about his role in the family and I'm betting a lot he's the one making deals (for allyships mostly). He has to be formal, and he has to be neat.

The missing siblings aside since we can't take them into account so far - Torazo (寅三) is the only other Yotsurugi with a number in his name but it's the standard/simplified kanji, not the one used in legal documents (参) and, honestly, who would name their child with a kanji made uniquely for it to not be altered on legal documents and have no other use. The coincidence of both Torazo and Goshiki having their adoption order in their name will be remembered until an explanation on why can be given. I'm guessing the most obvious answer would be their name got changed when they got adopted, alongside their family name, but why...

If we go VERY far, and take away the 人 from 色 then we end up with 巴, tomoe. Tomoe are usually represented being between 1 and 3 (for example; yin-yang is two tomoe stuck together), as far as I've seen them in the past. Never seen five tomoe, not that it doesn't exist. In the context where Hibaru has Kusanagi no Tsurugi and Terasu Yata no Kagami (two out of the three sacred treasure of Japan), anyone being linked to Magatama (single tomoe, third sacred treasure) feels weird. I don't see Goshiki fitting with them as a sort of trio, no can do. So then, if we go one step farther, there's also 巳 - which is a way to write snake - as in, the Chinese zodiac sign. Oh, Wakui you The snake is the 6th Chinese zodiac sign though, not the 5th.

In conclusion, Goshiki is a bunch of color-changing lakes. And five snakes in a trenchcoat.

[beardedhandstoadshark]

no more distractions, only boss time

oh man that is not ominous at all nope

EGG (and the shadiest resting place of all time. I don‘t like the sounds of breathing in the background either)

Oh hey it’s a normal bench. Cool. Also apparently we are 96% complete. I‘m missing a single mask and vessel piece, are those the other 4?

SLDDKSLF the violin crescendo-ing in anticipation. Oh man, this is it huh. Okay, here we go

I t i s l o o k i n g a t m e

there‘s more tones joining the violin, all higher than the last to end in a crescendo of dreadful anticipation. Oh man that is some excellent auditory design right there

Yup. There it is.

NO HOLD UP WHY IS THAT PAL DOING THE SHAW, IT’S DOING HORNETS MOVE

Are they actually actually related am I killing her parent or sibling or smth is that why she both still looks exactly like it and is hanging out here cuz the whole place got sealed by her family

the music change in phase three is cool too, really somber. Befitting of an end, really.

…Ah. I was wondering what the weird repeating squish sound was. That…that explains it. God and the actual attacks are slower too now. That‘s just…that’s all so messed up.

(I wonder, did they tell it this would happen? Did it know, that it was only a matter of time? That it‘d always have to end this way?)

You can‘t dreamnail it either, btw - it‘s just getting blocked. I got the upgrade, so maybe it needs the full 2400 power; or perhaps those dreams have long since been sealed away?

Three phases and that was it. And finally using the focus for what it was most likely intended for, all along.

Guess my first assumption of playing as the Hollow Knight isn‘t so far off now after all, is it?

"Congratulations- Good job on accomplishing this heroic task“ it was a task for sure. But heroic? No, no i don‘t think so. Not the way things are. Not the way Hallownest is and will continue to be. Not the way the cycle is bound to go on.

Really tho this is a VERY good game, the gameplay is on point and so are the level design, sound, presentation, etc. It was very fun to come up with theories and seeing them turn true or false- and props in that regard for setting clues and allusions up in a way that lets you actually come up with said theories and guesses in the first place, without feeling like it was super convoluted or totally obvious at the same time. That‘s quite a feat too. This was the normal ending as far as I‘m aware, so there‘s definitely some extra context/lore/story to be had, and I‘m gonna get those too. So, sorry to anyone who thought the hollow knight tag was free of spamming, it‘ll most likely be a while still.

I can see why people are waiting for Silksong so badly.

As it stands, I completed this game with 96%, in 46h 17m 24s. Yep, definitely those missing shards.

HARDCODE MODE akslflslfls and they’re making you speedrun this mode too yea no I‘m never gonna 100% achievements wow oof

the background changed and its basically a beating heart I do still wonder if getting another ending might shed some light (hah) on why the syrup juice sickness corruption etc has a synced heart beat. This isn‘t the first time it had one. Hm.

[thorchickmotorchick]

This is my first time writing a post or something online.. (Not counting the failed attempt 10 minutes ago.) I'll just be posting my THOUGHTS AND CANON THINGS about Thor/Loki. Some people will be interested, some will not...

Anyway.. The current topic is about the Dark World. You know, it seemed like Thor's attitude towards Loki was a little harsh, but justified by Loki's actions and Thor's character. But I still had the feeling that we had missed something.

And yes, maybe I was right.. Quite a long time ago I found an official manga about the events after the first Avengers film. The plot itself is about infection with the Chitauri virus, but that’s not what we’re talking about now. Thor became infected. And he had a nightmare.

Guess who was in this nightmare?

Certainly. Loki. (Zombie Assemble. 2017, manga)

The point is that Thor CONSTANTLY has dreams where he tries to save Loki, but gets a knife in.. Oh, sorry, nope, he got the scepter right through😮.. (Joke, joke, heh..)

Why did I say constantly?

"Avengers Assemble" season 2 episode 21. (Let's ignore the fact that the animated series is a different universe..😊)

Context: Thor is hit by a villain's beam and his guilt is released from his mind.

It hurts me to look at Thor.. He really suffered because of this..

My conclusion: Thor literally blamed himself for Loki becoming a villain. He believed that he was responsible for this, he had to be stern, hiding the wounds from the inside. The movies... They didn't show us what was going on in Thor's head. Imagine how desperate Thor was seeing these dreams over and over again? He stored up anger inside himself. I dread to imagine what he dreamed about the day Loki first “died.” I dream that Thor will have his own series or animated series.

Next topic: Also about the Dark Wold, about the Desire of the heart. (Haha, yes, intrigue. I forgot to say, sorry about English. I use a translator.)

I don't care how you take it, romantically or brotherly. It doesn't matter to me. Maybe I should have said it more gently... But anyway, I'm wondering if anyone is interested.

[chaithetics]

Absolutely adored the Late Night Mends work. Thank you!! Would you consider writing more monkey man kid x reader - maybe something where he praises and talks the reader through it, starting gentle and then figuring out he can be rougher because reader likes it that way. He would start out wincing through the pain caused by his fighting, but eventually forget about that. Praise/dominance part inspired by him saying "good girl, do you like that?" to the dog in the film.

Hey Nonnie! I'm glad you adored Late Night Mends! I'm blown away at how many people that fic has reached especially in such a short time.

Now this is an awkward one, I will be honest, after logging on a few days ago and seeing a Monkey Man fic on my feed with the exact same ask - EXACT wording minus the Late Night Mends mention lol - I did laugh because it's quite silly but I also felt a bit baffled. I'll admit that I am a sensitive person so maybe this in the context of other anons feels more rude to me than what it really is. I'm still going to talk about it though because I think my feelings are valid. I wasn't going to reply to this ask after that but I think this needs to be said.

It's going to be a ramble! Bear with me! For anyone who does I will give you a hug if you wish!

Writers are sooooooo underappreciated on this app and it feels like every time a writer starts to get a platform they post that they're thinking of deleting Tumblr, they're begging for engagement or talking about a really negative experience with expectations or their inbox.

If writers have their inboxes open and say that they're open for requests and you have a request idea, totally send in requests! 🥰 It's part of what it's there for! But please don't send the exact same request (especially word for word) to more than one writer! I can't speak for everyone but requests pile up quickly and fics take time. I personally can go through big hiatuses due to my health where I don't write or post any fics for months, in a good period I can write and post a fic weekly (since April I've posted 7 fics). Which is a somewhat common regularity, I know that there's some writers who post more or less frequently than that- that's just up to each writer depending on their circumstances. Each timeframe/schedule whether less or more is completely valid or understandable.

I take my time with fics, it is unlikely that if you send a request I will have it posted within a few days (unless I have the pressure of something like fics for Palestine lol). I spend time thinking about the prompt, jotting ideas and then writing, I'd say I spend 6ish+ hours on most of my fics. Most writers are also balancing work and/or study, along with social lives and other personal things like families, health etc. I work and have a lot of health stuff going on.

So I know that it can be easy to feel impatient with fic requests as you can read a fic in five minutes but it takes a lot longer to write it. I don't do much editing which you might've noticed lol, but plotting and editing take time too. And writers fit this in when they can. Around their lives. Art and fics take time, they do!ch I'm not sure what happened here, you sent this a few weeks ago and so I'm not sure if you copied and pasted this and sent this to numerous writers or if you sent it to one of us and we didn't reply quick enough so you sent it to another. I'm going to guess the former because of the wording? But everyone's time matters and this feels a bit disrespectful of the time of writers. You don't know if I'd started this fic, or if I had it ten minutes away from posting before I saw the fic by the other amazing writer. Or I could've finished and posted a fic before another writer did and they didn't see it and spent their time on finishing your request and posting it. If you have two writers writing the same prompt for something this specific, it seems unfair to someone who might've sent a prompt to just one writer and they will then miss out or have to wait longer for their fic because of this. I feel really guilty about how long it takes me to write fics and how long it sometimes tames me to write requests but I now feel like I've wasted a bit of my time on this idea, and it's time that could've been devoted to another request. I wouldn't want to finish this idea because I wouldn't want to be accused of copying the other writer because of the exact same prompt wording and potentially any similarities there could've been in the fics.

If you send a request to someone and want to follow up. You can message or send another ask to a writer, asking if they got your request, are they comfortable with it and do they know when they might get it out. Please do that instead of sending the exact same request to multiple writers (especially if it's super specific lol) or sending it to another writer because it hasn't been posted within a few weeks.

I don't know if this all made sense and I'm sorry for how long this was, please forgive me Tumblr besties! 🫶

A very tired and migraine-burdened writer signing off with lots of love💞

[jackinalex]

Would love to hear your thoughts on Glitter & Crimson. It’s about Jalex isn’t it

I really gotta stop mentioning things I'm afraid people will latch onto. Sigh. But tbh, I've been wanting an excuse to use my English teacher knowledge to analyze the shit out of that song in particular. If you took an AP English class, you know that it's 90% bullshitting you're way through claims and that is absolutely why I am who I am. This is so fucking long, dude.

I spent an embarrassing amount of time on this. Like I literally printed out the lyrics and annotated it like I was in college. But this is my shit, y’all. I love to analyze things. So, there’s a few different ways that I went about this: what the literary devices mean vs. what Alex (the liar) says the song means vs. the Jalex conspiracy theories that keep me in Delululand. Please scroll on if you don’t want to read about me being delusional about Jalex. Also, the very, very last of this is where we get into the absolute most delusional theory I have, so scroll to the bottom if that’s all you want. 

Let’s start off with what Alex has said about the song so that it can provide us at least a little context. Alex told Apple Music: “To me, this song is about two characters who are deeply in love, whose love is not allowed to be that by [a certain] society. They’re gay, and they don’t feel like they’re accepted in their own skin for who they are, or for who they want to love. It’s a cry out to seize that power back and saying, ‘No. You don’t get to dictate how we live our lives.’ Obviously, I can’t speak to that, being a straight guy, but I know a lot of people who live that experience every day. And it was something that felt very meaningful that I wanted to address for them because they can’t [in this way]. They aren’t songwriters.” This is less helpful context-wise, but he also told Kerrang: “This was dramatic to record (laughs). It was one of the last songs we wrote – in fact, it might have been the very last one. The record was almost done, but I felt like there were a couple of missing pieces. We actually went out to Big Bear [Lake, in California] – me, Jack, Zakk and Andrew. We rented a cabin and locked ourselves away for a minute. As we recorded Glitter & Crimson, it was one of those moments where we went, ‘Oh, thank god! We’ve got the thing that we were missing!’ I think the performance in the bridge is me almost knowing that it was the last take. It’s like when the director is about to call, ‘That’s a wrap!’ and everybody is like, ‘Holy shit!’ You feel that swell of relief and appreciation for getting through it.”

Most importantly, during the Wake Up, Sunshine Twitch Listening Party, Alex literally says he wrote G & C about Jack (starts at 1:36:26). Idc if he's joking, bro. It's good enough for me.

I guess the best way to go about the analysis is just to go lyric-by-lyric. Then, I’ll go a bit deeper into more of the bigger symbols. I want to preface this by saying that Alex probably did not mean for a lot of these things to mean what I’ve interpreted them to mean. And when I say I interpreted them, I mainly mean that I took what was given to me and recalled the connotations that these words carry (that was so wordy; idek if that made sense). 

It’s a typical story, three in the morning

You’re holding my head. 

To me, this seems fairly literal. Sitting with another person at 3 in the morning with them holding your head is really intimate. It could be after sex or just an intense conversation. I think that this is one of the lines that points toward this song being about a gay couple the most. I know he doesn’t specify what gender the couple is, but since Alex simply cannot write a song without inserting himself, I’m guessing they’re dudes. The holding my head kind of gives off that vibe to me, too. Anyone can hold anyone’s head, of course, but something about it just gives me the image of a guy holding a guy’s head. No matter how you spin it (head on the shoulder, head on the lap, etc.) it is super intimate, which means that this is a situation between two people who are very close. It’s vulnerable, too. There’s also the idiom “to hold something over someone’s head,” but I do think that the meaning here is literal. The idiom doesn’t make sense here. We gotta remember that Jack and Alex (and Zakk and Andrew) wrote this song together at a lake house. Every time I hear the opening lines, I think about Jack and Alex being together at 3 am in the lake house in one of those bedrooms, Jack holding Alex’s head. 🥺 

Caught in the tension, silent confessions

At the foot of your bed

The tension line could be in reference to the relationship, which we know is not accepted by those around them. It could also just be another reference to sex lol. I’m leaning more toward the former, though. I think the silent confessions depend on where the couple is at in their relationship. If they’re established, I think it’s probably a confession of love (like, we’ve been seeing each other, but I’m actually in love with you). But if it’s in the very early stages, the confession could be the confession of feelings. These two people are really close, so if they’re not yet a couple, then they’re definitely best friends. “At the foot of your bed” makes me think about sex again lol (specifically head because…Yeah). 

Glitter and crimson, fighting the friction

What a perfect mess

Glitter and crimson are massive metaphors/symbols in this song, so I’m going to hold off on going too far into that just yet. For now, we can discuss how the two are contrasting. Glitter is pretty and can symbolize the beautiful things in life (it can symbolize a lot of other things, too, which we will get to, promise). Crimson, on the other hand, often represents blood and violence (and a lot of other things, too), so this is one of the first instances of conflicting ideas and feelings. The two ideas come together despite being opposites. “Fighting the friction” could be another reference to tension, whether it’s conflict brought about because of societal pressure, or sexual tension. It could even be both. 

While I know that Alex definitely wasn’t trying to reference pride or the history of it, the mention of glitter was an excellent way of doing so. Glitter has a rich history with the LGBT community. It is tied with queer nightlife and the performance arts of drag, burlesque, and cabaret. In the past, it was a way to signal queer identity to other queer people, a practice that some people use to this day. It was also used as a kind of beauty and/or gender defiance when men were ostracized for presenting femininely and women were ostracized for presenting masculinely (Dorwart). Overall, glitter can also symbolize fakeness, materialism, greed, treasure, and excitement. In the instance of the lyric, I tend to think that the glitter is representative of the beauty of the situation, but also having to hide the relationship (the “characters” are being fake by hiding their relationship. 

While crimson can symbolize blood, violence, anger, warning or revenge (which is what I believe its main purpose is with the lyric), it can also represent vigor, passion, love, and courage. I definitely think that love and passion are an important part of this, too. Every facet of this relationship is intense, whether it be a negative or positive thing. This is also hedging into Delululand, but crimson (it’s called red in the flag, but the shade is definitely crimson) was one of the colors of the original pride flag, representing life. I’m certain that Alex was not thinking of the pride flag when he wrote this song, but there are so many references that he did accidentally that this song could be a gay anthem tbh. 

With the “perfect mess” line, Alex has given us an oxymoron and another example of contrast. The two words are technically opposites, but when they come together, they create a new meaning. In the narrative, this refers to the relationship feeling so good and right to the guys, but not allowed by society, those around them, and even maybe themselves. If we look at it through a Jalex lens, the “mess” could easily be the conflict between them having feelings for one another and the pressures of the band and their friendship (a very classic fanfic trope for a good reason). There’s a lot to lose if things don’t work out, so there’s a very real question of whether pursuing a relationship is worth it. As we’ll get to later, it definitely seems like it is to them. 

I wonder if you feel kinda like I feel

Temporary

These lines feel fairly literal to me. To feel temporary means to feel impermanent or uncertain. I think that both could be prevalent here. I also think that those feelings pertain to both the relationship and just their lives in general. It feels like the relationship can’t last because that’s what society tells them, and the uncertainty comes from not knowing if they even want it to (because they too are influenced by society). Alex has always written a lot about existentialism and these two lines strongly evoke that concept (which, to me, is more proof of the song being written from his perspective vs some “character” but we’ll get into more instances of that later). 

Fixed on a moment just out of focus

And we can’t quite see 

Being us ain’t good for us

I put these three lines together because they finish out the first verse and because there is significant enjambment, too. The first line is literal in the sense that the two characters (air quotes) in the song are trying to imagine what a good life together could be like, but they’re struggling too because that future seems so impossible (as we see with the second line). However, “and we can’t quite see” also brings into the second idea here. They can’t see the future and it also seems like being themselves and together isn’t good for them (probably because it’s dangerous for a lot of queer people in the world, even still). That leads us into the chorus, which is where we get to the cry out of the chorus. 

And I don’t wanna wait till the sunshine fades

And bury our love in a shallow grave 

Sunshinesymbolized happiness and life, so by the sunshine fading, that has to do with the beauty and goodness of the relationship wearing off (whether that be due to societal pushback or just conflict between the two guys). Sunshine is also what the yellow represented on the original pride flag. Again, I do not think that Alex ever intentionally referenced the flag, but…Anyway, it could also just be a little wink to the album itself “Wake Up Sunshine” or the song on the album. That song is also about existentialism to a certain extent, though it’s directed toward someone else and not about the narrator’s issues with it. Meanwhile, typically, shallow graves are done hastily by criminals (not always, but that’s what it is most associated with) because they don’t take much time or effort to dig. Alex (and Jack; Jesus, I keep forgetting he helped write this song) probably chose to pair these two lines because they almost have the same amount of syllables (11 vs. 10), but it’s also possible that he chose this specific phrase because being gay was a criminal offense for years. A shallow grave also indicates urgency and haphazardness, which would mean that the burial would probably be unplanned and quick. The narrator (Alex) is clear about not wanting that. 

Cause the world could be cruel to us or

We could live for the dangerous so

Let’s start, let’s start a riot

Just like a few lines ago, I included these three together for the enjambment. The first line is straightforward, supporting the idea of society being unaccepting to the couple. When we put it with the second line, it’s reiterating that though the world is cruel, they could live for it instead of being afraid of it. When we pair the second line with the third, the narrator is saying that he wants to stop being afraid and instead embrace and fight for what he and his lover have. It is impossible for me to ignore the term “riot” being used here in a queer context because the first pride was a riot! I’m sure most of you know about the Stonewall riots, but if not, here’s a bit of background: there was a small dive bar in NYC called the Stonewall Inn, which LGBT+ frequented. In an article entitled "The First Pride Was a Riot: The Origins of Pride Month” for American University Washington DC, Patty Housman writes: 

 At the time there existed outdated “masquerade” or “cross-dressing” laws that suggested a “man” or a “woman” must be wearing a certain number of clothing items that matched the gender on their state-issued ID. The police took advantage of these laws to raid drinking establishments and arrest transgender and gender non-conforming individuals. Just after midnight on June 28, 1969, the police raided the Stonewall Inn like they had many times before. Only, this time, something unusual happened: Stonewall patrons fought back.

There are conflicting stories about what actually happened, but essentially queer people fought back against the police brutality that had been plaguing them for quite some time. They were targeted, attacked, humiliated, arrested, and even worse, and they were fed up. Since this event took place in June, we now celebrate in America every June. And again, I’m sure that Alex and Jack didn’t intend to reference Stonewall, but I’m deep into queer theory now, so there’s no going back. Sometimes meanings can appear in works without the original composer even realizing it. Long story short, the riot is a way to take power back, whether it be the metaphorical riot in this song or the proverbial riots at Stonewall. And since this is supposed to be a queer song that references a riot, Stonewall must be discussed. 

Hard to sit still when your head’s on fire 

Oh, oh yeah

The saying “my head’s on fire” means that one is stressed or overwhelmed. However, “your head’s on fire” indicates that someone is lying. Therefore, I think this line has a dual meaning. I think that it references both here because a) the narrator is frustrated with having to hide his love from society, but it can also indicate that they’ve been lying (i.e, hiding their relationship). “Hard to sit still” calls back to the riot idea. It can be difficult to sit idly by when you know for sure that something is wrong. The narrator is tired of sitting around and hiding their relationship. 

‘Cause I’m a supernova 

And you’re my four leaf clover

These two symbols are the most important (besides glitter and crimson) in the entire song. This is entirely metaphor; there’s nothing literal in these two lines. The narrator compares himself to a supernova, which is the greatest explosion humans have ever seen. They are the “extremely bright and super powerful explosion of a star.” Supernovas signify destruction and renewal, so the narrator is seeking a new beginning of some sort. On the other hand, four-leaf clover have always symbolized luck, but they can also represent protection and the uncommon. Traditionally, each leaf of a four leaf clover signified something different: hope, faith, luck, and charity. Therefore, the narrator sees his lover as somewhat of a good luck charm. He’s different from others, but he’s everything to the narrator. 

This is where I get the most Delulu, so just keep that in mind as you’re reading. I’m now going to argue that the supernova represents Alex and the four-leaf clover represents Jack. I’m not pulling this completely out of my ass, I promise. Alex is obsessed with space. He brings it up every chance he gets and if you listened to Full Frontal, you know how annoying it could get lmao. Point is, the man loves some fucking space, okay? To Alex, Jack has always represented goodness. Nothing sums it up better than his birthday post for him here. He literally sees him as a “bright light in this weird world” and loves him “times a million.” But there’s been countless instances of Alex singing Jack’s praises (and even more of Jack singing Alex’s). This last tour, Jack’s been spending every moment trying to make Alex happy and keep him laughing, and ya know, Alex can lie all he wants and say that “Kill Ur Vibe” isn’t about Jack, but it absolutely fucking is, even if he doesn’t know that. Alex sees himself as a supernova and Jack as a four-leaf clover. Jack is not only a rarity, but also just a constant sign of goodness in Alex’s life and that, my dudes, is fucking beautiful. 

There is also a specific species of clover called crimson clover. I doubt that Alex thought about this while they were writing this song, but when I started working on this analysis, it occurred to me that I’d heard the two phrases before in a Lana del Rey song. And if you guys know Jack, he loves Lana. In “Venice Bitch,” she has a line that says, “Me myself, I like diamonds//My baby crimson and clover.” This line is a reference to the song “Crimson & Clover” by Tommy James and the Shondells. It’s a song about the potential for loving someone and what a relationship could be. I don’t know if there was any thinking about this song during the writing of G & C, but it’s interesting how the two songs are essentially about the same thing (just in different contexts). G & C is about the potential for loving someone and what a relationship could be, but through a more cynical lens (at first). The use of the ampersand in both songs is curious, too. I don’t doubt that Alex is aware of this song, but I don’t know that it had much of an influence on it. I do love the idea that Alex wrote about crimson and clover in the same song for Jack (who loves Lana) or even that it was Jack’s idea in the first place. It’s just cute. 

Crimson clover doesn’t have a ton of ideas associated it with it, but some people tend to see it as a sign of growth, resilience, love, and affection. The latter two are probably related to it being red and I would assume that the Tommy James and the Shondells song helped with that connotation, too. It’s the growth and resilience that really intrigues me, though. They grow throughout the winter, which is fascinating and definitely lets that resilience ring true. If we’re to link those concepts to the song, the narrator believes that their relationship is resilient and growing, maturing in a way that it necessary for them to thrive. Winter can symbolize hard, rough times, and so the narrator views their relationship as troubled (whether it be because of the way they’re viewed or because of their own issues), but resilient and able to survive the difficult times. 

Time to stop being insane about the last two lines and get into the second verse and bridge. 

Heavy as ever, light as a feather 

I’m caught in between

“Light as a feather” is a common idiom (and synonym) for having very light weight and/or being light and free. Here, the narrator is contrasting the feeling of being free and light because they’re so happy with their lover with the fact that he also feels “heavy,” which means hard to endure or emotionally taxing. When used literally, heavy refers to something being hard to carry because of its weight. So while the narrator is happy, he is also sad and probably anxious and unsure because of the oppression he and his lover are facing. The second line is telling us that verbatim; he is torn between focusing on being happy with his lover and the negative feelings associated with their sexualities and relationship. 

Hard to stay focused, process the progress

How long can we be

Happy if happy ain’t meant for us 

This calls back to the lines before it. Again, it’s hard for the narrator to focus on how happy the relationship makes him because of how bad society and oppression makes him feel. “Process the progress” probably means that it’s difficult for him to focus on how much their relationship has grown because of how anxious he also is. Progress is also a term used frequently with LGBTQ+ issues. We use “progress” to describe how things have improved for queer folks in the last few decades. I think the narrator could be referring to that, as well, that it’s hard to look at how much progress has been made as a society when things are still bad (especially for trans folks). The second and third lines see the narrator expressing his anxiety again. Yes, he’s very happy with his lover, but society is constantly telling him that they won’t work out, and he’s worried that some part of that is right.

Cause being less ain’t good enough

But being us feels good to us

To be less means not as good or esteemed as someone else. In this sense, I take it as the narrator saying that he has been suppressing part of himself (his sexuality and relationship), since to suppress part of yourself makes you “less,” in a way (I hope that makes sense). Essentially, if you’re not presenting all of yourself, part of you is missing, hence “less.” The narrator says that being less isn’t good enough, which I take as meaning that not being their full, authentic selves is not enough, and by enough, he means he doesn’t want to settle for hiding their relationship in the way that they have been. And besides, with the line, “being us feels good to us,” the narrator is expressing that being with his lover feels right despite all of the anxiety he feels. 

I’m skipping the chorus, obviously, so let’s get into the bridge. 

No compromise, no second best

There’s no stopping now, this weight on my chest

This is the beginning of the cry out in which the couple takes their power back. No compromise means no more suppressing themselves, which reminds me a lot of the old idea of gay people being allowed to exist and be with their partners at home and in LGBT+ spaces, but nowhere else. The narrator is saying that he’s not doing this anymore. This could be what “second best” is, whereas the best situation would be where they are accepted and allowed to be themselves everywhere, though I do wonder if second best could also refer to the concept of “playing straight,” which is where queer people date only people of the opposite sex in order to fit societal norms. People have historically done this to stay alive. It’s not as common anymore, but it’s definitely something that still happens. This could be a reference to the men dating (or even marrying) women in order to hide their sexuality and not ruffle society’s feathers. 

The narrator is putting an end to whatever the compromise and second best are, though. He’s going to be open and honest with himself, his lover, and the world, and that’s what the “no stopping now” refers to. He’s done pretending and making himself lesser to make other people comfortable. “The weight on my chest” is the huge uncertainty and anxiety of his relationship. He’s getting rid of it. It could also be anticipation, though, which would be the anticipation of taking his power back. It’s an important, hard thing that is going to change the course of his life forever. 

I won’t settle down, won’t settle for less

I won’t settle for less, I won’t settle for less

I think this is pretty literal. The narrator is not going to sit down and be quiet (and thus, hide his authentic self), and he’s not going to settle for anything but being his authentic self. I do think that the “won’t settle down” could be read as an allusion to Stonewall, since the queer folks that protested those three days were constantly told to just calm down for many years before they finally fought back. “Settle down” could also be a reference to playing straight since settling down often entails getting married to someone of the opposite sex and having children (*I look into the camera like I’m on a mockumentary*). This could also mean that the narrator is not going to be with a woman to appease society. They utilize parallelism (and thusly, repetition) here. Repetition is almost always utilized to emphasize a feeling or idea, create rhythm, and/or develop a sense of urgency. I definitely believe that the use of repetition here is used for emphasis. Not settling is an important theme of the song. Parallelism is also used to create emphasis, but also to create flow between lines, which is always necessary for songs. I’m sure there’s probably more literary devices in the song, but I doubt you guys want me to go too much farther into that lol. 

To sum up, the song is rich with metaphors and allusions (even if Alex wasn’t aware of the latter when they were writing it). I think it has the potential of being a great queer anthem. I don’t know that it will ever become that, but all of these possible references to pride and Stonewall are so fucking good (even if it’s just from happenstance). This may make me totally fucking insane, but I can’t ignore the fact that Alex wrote this song with Jack at a cabin in Big Bear, the album was released, and then like eight months later, Alex and Lisa were split up. Then, like another month passed, and Alex was living with Jack. I’m aware that I’m delusional, but this isn’t even me speculating; I’m just reporting events in the order they happened. Take that as you will. 

Works Cited 

Dorwart, Laura. “Inside the Fascinating History of Glitter and Gay Culture.” Byrdie, 15 February 2022. https://www.byrdie.com/history-of-glitter.

Patty Housman. “The First Pride Was a Riot: The Origins of Pride Month.” American University Washington D.C.,10 June 2022. 

“What Is a Supernova?” NASA, NASA, 23 July 2021, spaceplace.nasa.gov/supernova/en/. 

[eddieydewr]

The irony in Noah being called an anti-Palestine Zionist even though he said he hopes for their peace and distinguished between them and Hamas. . . Do these people purposely twisting his words not know anything about Hamas? Do they think that equating all of Palestine and its people with Hamas is a good thing? I'm at a loss looking at his tag and this fandom. Terrorism is wrong no matter who's doing it and acting like he's said this out of nowhere instead of referencing a very specific event is mind-boggling. Did the mention of Israel suddenly throw all compassion and understanding out the window? Are we not allowed to feel for all innocent lives lost, whether they be Palestinian or Israeli? I don't understand. The callous disrespect for human life is scary to witness. Anyone that supports Hamas supports the extermination of the Jewish and Palestinian people, because Gazans will never be free under terrorist rule and will instead suffer the most no matter what and it is within Hamas' political doctrine to kill the Jews. But sure. Let's all focus our anger on a teenager and act like he called for genocide. If he had omitted "Israel vs terrorism" would they still be so mad even though he was obviously talking about Hamas and what they did recently and still managed to show support for the Palestinian people? Sorry for the essay.

👆👆👆 i think they’re too angry and jumping the gun to really take in what noah wrote. there are people who are already biased against noah, and there are people who can’t or won’t accept nuance. so they’re firm in their conviction that noah is a zionist. they’re also very nitpicky with what noah said; they believe he’s saying palestinians AND muslims are terrorists. the 40 babies being killed is supposed to be misinformation but there is a lot of misinformation, missing context and propaganda flying about - it’s an ongoing event so the incoming news and updates are endless and people will get some things wrong, even without malicious intent. even the most educated people are unable to form their thoughts, so what chance do ordinary people have? even noah who is smart enough for UPenn, but he’s majoring in economics (i think), not geopolitics and such, so he’s supposed to be quiet because he’s not educated in that area, according to twitter activists. i don’t necessarily agree, because he is jewish and he’s worried about his cultural homeland. he also sympathises with palestinians but it’s just not good enough, i guess. we’re supposed to say something but we also should shut up because we’re not educated enough but we’re evil if we’re silent cos that means we side with the oppressors!! we can’t win.

anyway, streets are saying it was a friend who wrote that insta post and they asked noah to share it. whoever wrote it, it’s a sensible, thoughtful post and the backlash is over the top. reading comprehension is out of the window and noah seems to be public enemy number one on my twitter timeline. they talk about him like he’s absolutely vile and akin to a dictator, like he’s responsible for the long history between israel and palestine. the backlash against ST cast members like brett, jamie bower, and cara buono seems nothing in comparison. and we all know why.

[garciaasfluffypen]

bright beginnings pt 8.

pairing: single dad!joseph quinn x fem!reader  wc: 1.4k  warnings: i don’t think there’s any!! let me know if i missed them tho. ALSO this part is still in joe’s pov

part seven • part nine

“so hold on.”

“holding.” joe took a sip of his tea.

“so in the last few months you’ve gained control of a daycare, started divorcing the witch and realized that you’re in love with your employee.”

joe practically choked on his tea. “i’m not- i’m not in love with her.”

“mmhmm…” grace chuckled. “sure joe.”

“don’t look at me like that!” joe playfully hit her on the arm while the kids weren’t looking. “i’ll admit, y/n is beautiful-“

“thats a really pretty name.”

“yes, but-”

“-you literally own the daycare, joe, i don’t think it's gonna matter in the long run.” grace took a sip from her cup. “and you haven’t had a chance to date since julia took over your life so this is basically a fresh start for you.”

joe sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. “you do have a very valid point. but-”

“nope. don’t wanna hear it. you’re gonna flirt and your gonna feel good doing it.”

“what if she doesn’t like me back?”

“from what i heard from wes, she’s got her eye on you. joe she invited you out for drinks on girls night. girls don’t do that unless they’re whipped.”

“th-there’s no way she’s whipped for me.”

grace looked at joe over her mug. “joseph. wesley told me everything about girls night. and from context clues, i can tell she’s into you.” a beat. “don’t huff at me! you know i’m right and you’re only thinking this way because julia is a-”

“choose your next words very carefully vandien, there are children around.”

“you know what i want to say and that i will say it as soon as the kids go to bed.”

joe sighed, “do you think she likes me?”

“i don’t even know her but i know she likes you back. wes told me she spent like almost forty minutes talking to you two at the bar the other night, yeah? to be honest joe, most girls don’t do that kinda shiii…uff. that kinda stuff. we tend to stick to our groups and don’t go out of the way for men. you guys kinda suck, no offense.”

“none taken.” joe shrugged. “i just… i dunno, it feels weird i guess? to think anyone would actually like me.”

“well why don’t you take it slow? just try and… dip your toe in the water?” grace raised her eyebrows. “and besides, you don’t have to do anything until you’re ready. don’t force something that could potentially backfire if julia finds out.”

joe was quiet for a moment. “do you think she would use it against me?”

“honestly?” grace was quiet for a moment. “she wants to turn your life upside down. now i’m only hearing all of this second hand since i work with her sister at lamda, but from what i heard she really wants the kids.”

“the kids she subjects to sitting in the same room for hours on end with no enrichment and barely takes care of? the ones who get learning from their father and not their mother?”

grace nodded. “i don’t know what she has against you but…”

“i can’t believe her.” joe set his mug down on the side table. “i actually can’t-”

“daddy?” riley padded over to joe, climbing up into his lap. “daddy sad?”

joe’s heart melted. “a bit sad, yes bubby. your mummy isn’t being very nice to daddy.”

“mummy being mad?”

“you could say that, yes. mummy is trying to get daddy to do things he normally wouldn’t do. so mummy is being a bit mean.”

“dat’s not nice, mummy no be mean.” riley pouted. “mummy need be nice. like you daddy. you nice.” joe rubbed up and down her back. “daddy?”

“yes my princess?”

“thomas and me stay tonight?”

“yes, you get to stay with daddy for seven extra days! maybe longer if mummy decides to be nice.”

“wot about y/n? do we getted to play with her?”

grace had to force herself not to burst out laughing as she covered her mouth with her hands, watching joe’s expression turn from mortified to amused. it did make him chuckle a bit seeing how much they loved y/n, but it honestly could be because they didn’t have a solid female presence in their home lives. julia was not meant to be a mother, but for some reason she forced the idea of being parents on him pretty early into their marriage. it could have been because her own parents were determined to pass on the bloodline, and they fully thought that joe was going to make it big. from what grace had heard, originally he was interested in her sister, lucia, but that fell through pretty quickly when her mother basically shoved him into a relationship with julia.

julia, from the small amount of time that grace had spent in the same room as her, was a major bitch. you couldn’t do anything right for that girl, and it showed. julia refused to talk to grace, even though she and joe were pretty close since she was jealous of their friendship. at least, thats what wesley had told her. if there was anything she wanted in life, it was for julia to take a goddamn hike. she never liked julia, if she were being completely honest. it was definitely so ething that made her feel so bad, especially for joe, but she knew things were goung to be turning around now that the bitch was going down.

shs bad helped joe find some of the best lawyer he could afford, and he was able to help work out the custody plan. it was a shitty one, but it was so worth it. the kids would get roughly two weeks at each parent’s house, and spend more time at joe’s when julia decided iut of the bkue she was going to travel. grace and lucia had their suspicions that julia had a boy on the side, but nothing had been confirmed yet. it could potentially explain why she was traveling so much, but nobody would know for sure until it became facebook official. grace hadn’t blocked her simply for that reason- she needed to know exactly when julia would potentially post this guy she potentially had been seeing so they could take it straight to the lawyer and make the claim that she was prioritizing herself over the kids. lucia already sent over tons of photos of the kids sitting alone in a room with a handful of toys and a tv blasting that horrid steve and maggie show that julia insisted they watch. their case was getting better and better by the second, but she wasn’t sure how much longer it would last.

“is gracie stay too?” riley perked up. “gracie bedtime story?”

“i can totally stay for bedtime tonight. we can do all the silly voices!” grace leaned over to tickle riley’s tummy. “for now though, let’s decide what movie to torture daddy with during dinner time.”

“grace… no screens during dinner.” joe gave grace a pointed look.

“but joe, auntie grace is here. they totally deserve screen time during dinner. when was the last time they got to watch a movie during dinner?”

“the answer is no. they do that too much at julia’s and i want them to actually foxus on their food and not the movie.”

“how about a movie after dinner?” grace smiled sheepishly at joe. “then we can open the guiness you’ve been hiding in the back of your pantry.”

“you’re cheeky.”

“that i am, but you love me.”

“yes, i do.” joe lovingly rolled his eyes as he stood up to go make dinner. “but i also hate you. and you owe me big time.”

“i’ll be your babysitter when you finally get the guts to ask y/n on a date!”

joe definitely did not subtly flip her off as he walked to the kitchen.

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

sorry to message but i just wanted to yell because I saw a post and yOU’RE THE AUTHOR OF FALLOUT FROM THE FADE ???? oh my goodness it’s my favourite fic ive read it SO many times.

i left a comment on ao3 last night because i finished reading it again and i just genuinely hope one day you finish it (i understand you have much going on i am just greedy).

but yes thank you so much for creating it, fenris and hawke are everything to me and this fic is my canon no matter what happens in veilguard. 💜

hahaha HELLO yes that is indeed I... I guess i do owe a little bit of an explanation here since its been uh... like 4 years since I last updated, yeah :| But it still makes me so happy that even after so long people still enjoy my little pile of suffering and yearning!

I don't know how many people who used to follow it are still on tumblr (I think a lot of people i used to write with/who would comment have deleted their tumblrs and AO3 accounts in the intervening years alas) but i do I owe anyone remaining a little context I guess lol. Long story made short is like very shortly after my last update i got broken up with unexpectedly from my 4 year relationship, and went into a bit of a spiral about it. I didn't fully stop writing at this point (though I think nothing I wrote in that like... year or more ended up posted anywhere), but I did realize that when I went to work on my ongoing stuff I was in a place where I was like... only wanting to write about anger/losing relationships rather than healing ones. And that part of me wanted to change some of the things I had planned for the following parts and ending of Fallout From the Fade. And so I decided to take a step back from it for a while to see if I actually wanted to make those changes when I was less bitter or if I wanted to follow my original plan.

And that took me about a year, emotionally. However by then I had actually left my prior job (where I spent a lot of time hiking/camping in the wilderness of Utah with no internet, and I used that time for writing), and started graduate school courses. Aaaannnd grad school has been slowly eating my life since. I've only posted I think one other fanfic since then, and it was a very short prose-poem one shot. Another contributing factor was my gaming tech was too old to actually play Trespasser when it came out, and by the time I got a laptop that could handle it, I had to replay the whole game but I was working full time, etc... and i felt really disconnected from the DA fandom since I couldn't read all the new fic/understand all the lore deep dive posts/experience it with everyone else simultaneously. Oh yeah and I work a second job as a professional mermaid in varying degrees of intensity depending on the season/oportunties available haha.

All that being said. I actually have written more of FFtF in the last 2 years. But like I said in the other post I made kinda recently, the long gaps between my later updates (vs the ones I was doing way more regularly in 2016-2018) had me rethink the approach I was using to write and post it, which was a chapter at a time. It felt like stringing people along in kind of a mean way to dump a chapter and then vanish for another year, and I knew I couldn't promise consistency while doing a masters/PhD program. So I've been kind of fiddling away at it slowly still, both actual writing of following chapters, and some substantial firming up/drafting sections in my outline to get to the eventual ending and ensure it's more cohesive than a lot of my slapdash chapters. But! Idk! I do also def work slower without the fun of having an audience, and miss that. and I never actually asked of the people who are left and still wanna read more of it, if they'd rather just get a chapter every 6 months or so as I scrounge it out. If you are one of those people and have an opinion def let me know.

I will say, the imminent presence of Veilguard does have me more inspired and creative again, and some of that has been going to Fallout. Especially since I'm no longer watching the videos/gameplay bioware is putting out since they have SOOO many spoilers and I wanna go into the game at least semi blind, so my creative energy has to go towards my personal stuff rather than joining everyone else in speculation and hype now. I'm definitely not promising I will have it close to finished by October when Veilguard releases, because I'm still in grad school and the next months are busy for me in terms of mermaid work too, but I am hoping I can make some good chunks of progress between now and then. But then if I say that and can't follow through after all I also don't wanna let people down.

Anyway yeah, it's sort of a lot of conflicting thoughts. But I'm still rotating Hawke and Fenris and this fic in my mind even these years later... which for me is honestly pretty normal. I mean I have whole original novels/worldbuilding ideas/etc that I've worked on for 10-15 years in my own time haha, I've been writing fiction for fun since I was like 10, so I think I also just think of stories/writing across a bigger timeline than people who start writing with fanfiction (which is MUCH faster paced) than original fiction. The difference of course is no one sees my original stuff so there's no one to care if i take 2 years between chunks of progress. SO I guess what I am trying to say is, yes definitely it is not abandoned, I am plodding away at it bit by bit, I also hope I can finish it one day!!!! that is within this decade i hope! whether or not anyone else is left to read it but me haha

[nickelstudy]

JLPT N1 Experience

So first of all, Happy New Year. It has been a while since I've updated this blog. I've been feeling depressed in the past few weeks, I think it's because of drawing? I feel like I haven't been performing well in art, and that it's hard to accept painful truth that I cannot please everyone- not that it matters on this blog, but it's WHY I decide to take some time to write an update here.

I was supposed to talk about my first experience with N1 but I got busy after. I caught up in many stuff, I guess, plus I was busy with my birthday and helping my family's work throughout the month. But now that it's over, let's talk shall we?

Before That

I haven't talked about my last week strategy, here's what I did.

Stopped learning Kanji and do the drills instead

Finished Shinkanzen Grammar in the first section. I had some days left, so I skimmed through the second section without doing the exercise (I did for A - D i think but- I definitely shouldn't)

Borrowed these two books (pic below). For reading, I did every bit of every question style (there were like 6 of them right? Short passage, Long, etc.)

And for listening, I tried to rush through it but I kinda gave up with the chapter III or IV I'm not sure.

I switched between two of them on the last day

FYI the blue book is actually fantastic! I think I've said it before but it has explanation for each answers. I think it's super cool.

Now For N1

Chapter 1: Before exam

For context, I travelled to the exam location alone, so I wasn't bounded by anyone and I could roam anywhere. I got out early, and arrived there pretty early. But walking from the entrance to the exam spot took a while, to the point where I doubted to myself if I was going in the right direction. There were many people there already. I think the morning peeps had already entered the room when I arrived.

I had lunch and... wander around (Typical Pikmin Bloom player). There wasn't much to do anyway. I decided to take a quick review of some onomatopoeia and other vocabs. I think at that point, nothing is more important than vocabs. It was a while before they allowed us to go up the building. Anyway, I SAW A KID in a highschooler outfit in front of the same room as mine! IM- I DON'T KNOW?? HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO BE THIS GOOD AT THAT AGE?? And of course we entered the room. I sat not so far from the entrance.

One thing that bothers me is the fact that they never announced to bring a mask but they asked everyone to wear it in the room?? Luckily, I had it on already.

Chapter 2: The Exam

Sorry for the long introduction haha. SO, starting off with vocabs, grammars, and reading. I skipped to grammar secion first because it's not too hard or too easy. It's all fuzzy now but I did okay(?)

There was あっての that's pretty easy. But there was one of them that bugged me and I was wrong on that one too. It's といたしまして... so weird, I didn't expect it to answer that. ALSO, HONORIFIC VERB CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD but i think i answered it right.

Then onto reading section because I was really scared if I couldn't finished it. It- took me a while to finish each of them but in a fair amount of time. It's like 10 minutes left that I switched to doing vocabs with a lightning speed because I FORGOT there was a fill in the blanks and not just guessing kanji's reading.

I almost got 誇張 (こちょう) wrong as こうちょう

There were 奇跡、偏り、矛盾、賄う、軽率 in which i had no problems

Filling the words is where I had problem due to hurriness. I missed the 快挙 cause I don't know the word.

見返り too, because there was a word that I thought it meant (repay) and not the first

I GOT ONOMATOPOEIA WRONG ANYwAY HECC YEA i didn't know what つくづく means so i went with きっかり or きっぱり im not sure

Also there was a sentence that was supposed to mean "His body condition was..." I thought it was "worsen" so I went with 崩れる except no it's the opposite "ほぐれる". I didn't know that word but i've seen it before it's the goodamn spirit's name from the game.

I didn't know what 尺度 means or how it is read but I got the meaning substitution right (yay) (it's standard)

Here's the fun one. デマ... THIS WORD THAT I NEED TO GUESS HOW IT IS USED WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING ITS MEANING. I tried to came up with the word this word could come from. Dermatologist? Demand? Theme??? (that's テーマ) I had no idea and got it wrong eventually. Can you guess?

It's "Demagogie", a German word meaning false rumor... WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED. I asked one of my Japanese if she knew. Of course she did. She even gave me an alternative for it too... but I forgot. I only know that's it in katakana (im sorry)

Last minute i left one Mondai randomly answered!

For Choukai, it was so goddamn fast. I am certain that if it wasn't fast, it would be manageable for me. I honestly don't know if I scored it well or not, the last listening part were as hard as ever. ONE THING ABT IT THOUGH, there was a part where they were talking in a cafe about how the shop owner use a coffee beans? I think?

ANd FOR GOD'S SAKE WHAT'S WITH THE BACKGROUND MUSIC??? My concentration was popped away, I kept glancing around wondering if what I was hearing was someone's phone or the tape's music. I don't even know what the question really was to be honest.

What's Next?

I- I don't know. I just need to wait for the result. But I'll try to slowly get back to learning a bit Korean and Japanese every day again. Probably need to brush up Memrise and Anki. At least 5 mins a day haha. Thanks for reading til here. Keep on learning! I'll make sure to do my best for learning languages this year too!

I don't have new year's resolution but I guess.. continue ASL? I got busy that I have no time to do it anymore. I doubt if I can do it, considering I'll be busy with internship next academic year.

Anyway, have a great year everyone. Hope you have a good luck and success with studying and anything you are willing to pursue this year.