#also i dont usually get irritated by ppl but one of them is rly rly . Annoying like i felt horrible for feeling that way bc it was at first

[kaleidosouls]

random text post of day #

been watching creepcast more or less since the first/second episode and after latest i keep wanting to talk to ppl abt my thoughts and im tired of trying to engage with other youtube comments / i dont wanna keep bothering my spouse with this plus id want to talk to other ppl who are viewers but dhkdhfk im gonna rant behind the cut; tw animal death/violence, child abuse

gonna rant assuming readers is also a viewer cause too tired to explain, sorry. this is just “stuff id want to chat with fellow fans of the poscast but i dont have friends who watch it, and the youtube comments suck for the most part and id rather be turned inside out than login to reddit”, like i did end up using rhe comment section way toomuch already, jm tired and its like 3% normal ppl and 97% dicks and assholes with bully disorder

like it was a big enlightening to just properly label things last night at last and process the feelings and situation. this is jsut a podcast with isaiah bullying his cohost hunter (“as a joke”) and the fans at large are people who enjoying bullying snd find it funny, and try to bully commenters who disrupt their “fun”, trting to discret and demean them as friendless parasocial losers for not playing along the theater of mockery and treating it as socially acceptable.

like its one thing to tease between friends and make dark jokes, its another thing to repeatedly, insistently, laugh at your friend for being traumatized as a child by violent animal death? like. its like i get that initially he was just really baffled at the event like haha oh my god did that happened thats so fucked up (which is annoyingly normie in its own way like yeah dude, none of us have control over fucked up shit happening to us as children, like he makes such a spectacle about it like its this earth shattering thing). like its tragic and a big deal but like wrt trauma its usually safe to be on the level that the person with the trauma is setting, if theyre talkinf about it really intensely it makes sense to match up to that tone or lower. instead hunter is trting to move on while isaiah is just obsessed fascinated with it like its fiction almsot. idk just . uggghhhhhhh

i could kust make a collage fo commwnts that made me like lose hope for humanity each time but i dontw anna dwell on annoying bullshit and commit it more to memory. like people are jusr… like there is some dark humor inherent to like calljng your mom as an adult on your show to have her back you up only for it to turn out it was way worse, but like the way isaiah kept laughing about it for so long.. like hecan laugh and joke like that at his Own traumas if he has them. just. idk. tgisn podcast like just. ugh its making me irritated tot hink abt explaining whats happening in it to people like go watch it with adblock on, im gonnaskip explainjng more and jsut say some feelings to the void that id rather like scream at someone about. i was gonna say scream at assholes in the commmebts but i actually want their internet connection destroted and for them to be forced to dismantle their phones and pcs and set them on fire so they can never speak again.

isaiah is coming off like such a monster. like, “””as a joke””” acting like an asshole is still acting like an asshole, i dont care anymore that hes actually probably rly well intentioned and ncie bc he jsut needs to stop being fucking rancid and a shitty cohost and friend. an honestly i cant even believe the “hes actually nice” shit anymore. starting tj feel hes been an ashsole all along and just pretends to be a good guy. like he takes too much joy out of excessive bullying to be a good person. like genuine just bullying, with no consequences. ppl are like “oh hunters fine with it bc hes putting up with it” like as if every single person alive Never has to put up and laugh along shit that bothers them. specially on what is essentially their Job. hunter barely appears comfortable and he does not dish back nearly as viciously- and we jnow hes capable of rly dark humor and banter too, on his own channel tje vibe is completely different but he has none or that edge with isaiah. while isaiah is literally like i wnan dox you please fans m*lest hunter in the meet and greet, i want this guy dead; isaiah literlaly makea such a huge deal every time hunter had a disagreeing opinion irs clear hes started to just not weight in when he doesnt like something, itd be one thing to make these super intense mean comments if hunter did them back but every time isaiah would not take or tolerate it when it was towards himself,; and honestly all of the stuff before had been like accumulating to be pretty bad but rhe latest ep with the dog story eallyi guess like crosses a line of like, this is just genuinely wrong and i dont care how mcuh the comments say its ‘parasocial’to have basic human empathy! youre watchint a guy talk abt having the family dog shot in the back of the head in front of him by his grandfather, only to then find out on air feom his mother the shooting had been intentional and his grandfatehr was actuallt a monster instead of a disabled man traumatizinf you by accident. like the ironic tragedy of him calling his mom to back him up on that ‘its not a big deal’ only for her to contradict him is funny on a cosmic sense, but like it is iust. not that funny dude. like isaiah kept bursting into laughter just thinking about it. oh is it too absurd for you to take seriously? do yoh just not give a fuck about how tour friend might feel? dude didnt even fucking ask. he didnt eveb show a sliver of care , sympathy empathy anything. he literally says “ill never let you live this down”. LIVE WHAT DOWN???? having his grandfather intentionally shoot his dog in front of him as a 7 year old child? like what the actual fuck is wrong with him??!! have like even a shred of respect for your cohost, like its all ‘as a joke’ but if you consistently ‘as a joke’ act like a cruel manipulative bullying person, im just gonna choose to believe youre actually just that person using “humor” as a shield to excuse your behavior.

like wtf. i was actually a fan of isaiahs chanel first and i didnt rly vibe with hunter that much and i wouldnt have expected, bc i woildnt enjoy watching an asshole, that isaiah wouldve turned out to be such a self centered horrible person. like its all funny TO HIM, i dont get the sense its enjoyable at all to be in that room when isaiah is getting all giddy and having a kick out of treating hunter like a punching back. yeah he probably doesnt mean to be actually hurtful but it doesnt look like the thought even crosses his satan spawn eyes that someone could have a different reaction than the one he was intends there to be. like i dont know hunter and idk if id even like him if i talked to him in person but it sucks qnr is horrible to watch anyone be treated that way consistently. like i wish creepcaet juet actually ended or isaiah learned how to not be shitty. i dont care if its not in his nature to not be awful he should just try to pretend to be a decent person for once. like i feel bad for hunter becuase it comes across like hes more stuck in the podcast than enjoying it and i empathise with struggling to leave “friends” who treat you like shit. and its like work too, i have no idea how much of a monetary and reputation loss it would be to leave. ppl are like “theyre adults they surely worked within themselves” yeah bc no adult ever has struggled or been stuck in a situation thats hard to get out of. honestly like yeah this is just a shitty podcast with shitty fans who just enjoy watching a bigger guy get bullied for no reason because they are probably mostly awful bullies in their own lives too hurting the people around them and i dont need to convern myself over what people who get a kick out of hurting others think.

i guess obligatory like. insane and unwarranted comment to the hosts bc no one is readingnthis let alone either of them but its like what if they read it and like felt x or y way in reaction. maube writing this will give me some semblance of peace

@ hunter: you seem cool and youre a really talented artist and naturally funny on camera/audio. i relate to having memories from childhood warped like that, and im sure/i would imagine that was the story told because it was far from the actual worst one. i think you deserve to respect yourself more, im sure being bullied is no skin of your back, im fat and ive been derided bc of it my whole life, from since i was 70kg and im 100kg now. its smth you get used to and it feels like not a big deal but on a fundamental level i thibk everyone deserves to respect themselves at least enough to not let friends treat you like shit to this extent. like i know banter and teasing is normal, butlike. its so excessive dude. it comes across like youre just stuck there and idk your financials and maybe you coulr be, ive heard of stories like that wrt youtube projects, and subversive animations arent loved by youtube’s revenue. heavy condolences if this turns out to be the case and hoping things can change. im sure it would be hard to quit anyway bc ppl would make such a big deal abt it. but if you are free to leave at anytime and you have freedom and are safe with isaiah,thank god thats great, get the FUCK out of there or get isaiah to stop treatiny you like shit cause you deserve better. if somehow you iust love beint berated like that i guess like each to his own too, i just hope youre doing ok juwt oj the basis of beint a fellow human being who appears to be in a legitimately shitty situation. if you are ajd im insane, thats fine too, id rather be insane than someone be suffering.

sigh

@ isaiah: i really liked your youtube vids. you seemed like a decent enougu guy. ofc like i dont actualyl Know either of tou, injust am human and relating on basic emotional levels based on the behavior you choose to display online. man. what the hell is wrong with you? if i expected you to actually read this i would be more polite but i dont expect a single soul to read this, really. like, man… i want to believe theres capacity of good and kindness in every person so surely you must have it, and if you do.. why are you acting like that. is being mean That funny? i love dark humor but ive never taken joy out of actively bullying people so i cant really relate but like, surely you can find otuer ways to have fun with your friend? im sure you think its all fine bc hunter wont throw a tantrum like you do but some people are actually way more inwards with their emotions and like you coild try to be a little more interested in how someone else feels when you bully them. “as a joke”. like maybe its not as funny as you think itnis, or they migut not be enjoying it like you do. i know its hard to stop when you want to talk but please try to stop interrupting hunter repeatedly after you clewrly mustve heard him adter the call delay? honestly, i thought you were a fine guy but now its like maybe youre just on a power trip, havint someone hostage to validate your opinions on horror and to bully for fun who wont talk back to you in a way thats actually challenging. since you love the sounf of your own voice so much you could do a solo podcast, you dont need hunter to be there as a punching bag in order to make a podcast. if you lvoe and care about hunter as a friend sincerely and iust have been totally by accident actint like a major piece of shit, id like want to hope for you to improve as a person in how you act and id want to believe thats very possible, but episode after episode its just.. like i dont give a shit abt dark mean humor i dont care if you call us in the audience pieces of shit or freaks or whatever, we’re not there talking to you, but hunter Is hearing what youre saying and is actually there.like id say for a christian you are extremely cruel but that is just ao on brand for open christians to behave that way that i honestly wanted to believe you would subvert that expectation, but it seems i was wrong. you know like i dont get this being mean as a joke thinf and neber have, i would say if hunter died tomorrow would you not have rather spent time with him in a positive way where he was loved instead of berated, but youd most likely “joke” that youre glad hes dead and that you didnt bully him enough. im not christian and i dont believe in heaven or hell but i know for you that youre most likely not seeing the pearly gates until you learn to pretend to be a good person to your friends. its probably not even smth you genuinely want to do or care to do but you could make that sacrifice of being nicer so the world is a better place while it has to have you here.

big sigh this isjsut hggggghhhhhh like a shame bc i love horror and i had enjoyed isaiahs youtube vids but , man this is such a disappointment. obviously i dont rly wana watch the podcast anymore butni like hunter reading and his voice and i would just hope for the best for him going forward, and the insane in my brain is like i gotta check it out maybe isaiah apologizes and acts like normal and nice without being rancid for once. even tho i know that wont be true bc it hasnt been for weeks since i started watching, i guess ill tune in for the next and if he foesnt shape up i’ll quit it. find a diff horror podcast or smth. makes me sad imagining hunter stuck in there. kike idk if hes even a good person like hes edgy on his own channel too but in general like he comes across like isaiah used to , lile someone who just seems fine and i havent heard anything saying theres smth horribly wrong with him. just on a basic human level it sucks to see people struggle and suffer. speciallt when its situations i relate and have been to. its been at least (uhh math…) damn 10 years or smth since an event that really stuck with me, where i was kust telling soem school friend abt my life at home bc we were just talking, and i relayed one of the ways my parents would beat me and how i was so scary, and she burst our cackling in my face. its a feeling that took a long time to stop having it sting in my head. she wasnt intending to laugh At me, or bc she thought beating children was genuinely good or funny, but to her the situation was so absurd it was funny. i can understand that on a detached level like if it wasnt real there would be some comedy timing to it. but instead i iust felt like a joke. like i was stupid, like it was this really funny ass thing, and i tried to play along, and it was like the fear trauma and pain that resulted from those events was a joke too. like i was stupid for having my life warped ny the abuse and it affecting me, because it was just so absurd and funny! like damn, i shouldve been abused as a child in a less absurd and funny way so people wouldnt mock me to my face about it. i guess i deserve it and its natural to be treated this way. until i met someoje who actually respected and gave a fuck about me and wouldnt make me feel that way i thoight it was normal and like i was fine with it too. i used to get bullied communally by my entire classroom for half of middle school and i thought those people were called friends too because id never been treated any better by anyone.

hgggghj i think its helped a bit to get it off my chest, maybe. man this sucks. i wish people would iust be nicer to eachother. life is so short, and some people cant even have the courtesy to not be tormented by people they call friends

[faaun]

i actually do not want to do this bye . i will henceforth be...on my own wherever possible until i get home lol

[lavellane]

2, 7, 11 + on what, 18, 21, and 29 for miss gracie AND ! 3, 8, 9, 13, 18, and 30 for mr rhys !

THANKS BESTIE <3 <3 <3 <3

18. Kissing: tongue or no tongue?

heheh :) definitely tongue <3 I MEAN IT REALLY DEPENDS like gracie doesnt care much for pda unless its Tasteful, plus in her few relationships prior to ambrose i dont thik she wouldnt felt comfortable enough to let loose lmao, but with ambrose specifically, and in private? ya she’d definitely feel safe enough to get a lot more intense and like. hm. Win i suppose JKJDKJKDFJ 

21. What would it take for them to break up with someone? What would be the last straw?

hmmm more than anything i think she never wants to feel held back? so, in the nicest way possible, if someone consistently got in the way of her ambitions she would cut them loose. alternatively just people who dont Try, or ppl who make HER feel bad or stupid for trying !!!!

I FEEL BAD BC I KEEP THINKING OF MORE LAST STRAWS LOL shes a very high effort gorl !!!! but i also dont think she’s a fan of clinginess. it doesn’t irritate her so much as make her feel guilty and awkward bc she just shows her love in very different ways than that? i dont think she’d be able to handle a relationship without very clear boundaries and personal space (since she so desperately values both of those things)

29. What recurring dreams do they have?

tbh i dont think she remembers a lot of her dreams BUT i do have an Extremely Iconic headcanon ive never shared before where like. on occasion gracie and nick end up sharing the same dreams??? either because nick subconsciously reaches out to gracie in his sleep, or gracie’s thoughts are projected into his head - either way they sometimes wake up like 👀 girl we both need therapy So bad huh <3

and for rhys !

3. Ask them to describe their love interest.

“Describe de la Cruz?” Rhys glares at you suspiciously before his demeanor suddenly shifts. You watch him mull over the question with a frown and a dramatic sigh. “Let’s see . . . pale, six-two, bright red hair. Speaks with a distinguished Czechian accent. Partial to cashmere sweaters and flare jeans. The last I heard from her, she was boarding a cruise ship to Madrid. This is about the warrant for her arrest in Colorado, yes? The . . . the car incident?” He winces. “Because those charges are completely unfounded, for the record. Absurd. Ridiculous. The ones in Boston, too.”

(hi the joke is he’s talking to a cop or smth idk i finished writing this and realized it wasnt funny JKDFJKDFJKFDJ)

8. Do complex puzzles intrigue or frustrate them?

BOTH <3 rhys likes the ego boost of being the smartest person in the room and really enjoys Figuring Things Out for his own satisfaction but also. while he is v smart he’s also not a genius by a long shot, so his success rate is um. a little all over the place lmao. he’s the type of person who gets SO pissed off trying to figure something out/fix a problem and will become 100% consumed by the issue until its solved. v much the definition of IT MAKES NO DAMN SENSE >:( compels me tho :( only 6000000000000% more melodramatic

9. Do they empathize with non-sentient things (dolls, plants, books…)?

hmmm he doesn’t assign them human traits or anything like that but he does get attatched to certain objects ! books and artifacts and antiques usually, plus his car! mostly it’s just to the meaning he personally derives from them though, or how they remind him of other people!

13. Name one thing their parents taught them.

I WAS GOING TO OPEN WITH A DARK DADDY ISSUES JOKE BUT IVE PUT HIM THROUGH ENOUGH LOL. so despite the rocky relationship with his father, he definitely got his talent for history/writing/reading from him.  whereas from his late mother, he inherited her sense of humour and introspection/sensitivity (which arguably arent skills to be taught but. yes they literally are so shush)

18. Kissing: tongue or no tongue?

both !!!!!!!!!!! like gracie it really depends on the circumstances, but rhys is a very Intense partner and tends to get a little carried away/lost in his feelings. he does prefer to take the other persons lead though so he wouldn’t go too overboard if the other person wasnt matching that same energy

What would they do if they knew it would be forgiven?

rhys, at least prior to meeting zelda, doesn’t care much about if people forgive him, so forgiveness doesn’t hold much value unless its someone he really loves (and hes certain loves him back) i think if anything he mightve told liam how he rly felt, which he never Actually did because it was (at the time) the one relationship he was afraid of screwing up :(  

[alukaforyou]

and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??

[gluttons]

1 2 3 5 10 12 20 22 36 (give me the salt fam)

What would prevent you from following someone?

i pay quite a bit of attention the mun’s voice when reading rules / pages . some people just come off as extremely aggressive / controlling, and it puts me off from following sometimes !  things like : do not follow and block me immediately if you are abc-phobic and support defg-isms ; it’s irritating when i see too much ooc / photos / literally anything apart from your replies ; i will unfollow n block you if you don’t attempt to approach me within a week and DONT try to contact me asking why i unfollowed you …

i certainly don’t want to interact sexist / racist / lgbtqphobic people myself . in an ideal world,  i would also want to interact with all 100+ of my mutuals on the regular and have them approach me within a week of following me - like wouldn’t that be convenient ?? but in reality , people have their own obligations n priorities. people grow up in diff backgrounds n might not have the exact same viewpoints as u. like. idk,, it just comes off as intolerant and disrespectful.  i dont want to feel like i’m walking on eggshells whenever i log in or make a post.

Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?

honestly… no !!! as long as the chara is interesting n there is quality writing i don’t mind if a blog is default tumble theme w no aesthetics or post formats at all  ( w the exception cutting posts and uniform icons ! )  as long as the blog format is consistent n readable i will give any blog a fair shot i think !!  ‘:/c

What current rp trend do you hate?

i honestly rly dislike the dashboard blog thing. i know its hypocritical of me to say this bc i also succumbed to the trend but like. but it makes things so hard to access ,  esp if i want to like, edit or add tags to an old post i have to use mass editor and can’t just edit via permalink rip  ( maybe there’s a way of doing it and im just big dumb who knows )

Do you prefer interacting with male muses or female more? Why?

i dont rly have a preference w muse gender ??? :/c  i honestly follow whoever i find interesting n like,  write w whoever wants to write w me lol .  but i do think female muses approach meph more often - idk if its bc of the distribution of female to male muses on tumble or smth ?? but this happens w so many of my muses - idk if its how i write them or how i come across as a person or smth but like . yeah. orz.

Have you ever had a bad experience with commissions? As either someone who makes them or as someone who buys them?

actually nooo ???? i’ve never bought or made a commission from / for anyone in my life so .. sfkafa i am completely indifferent on this subject.

Have you been involved in drama? Do you regret it?

ive never been in drama ?? i dont think?  i feel like i generally am quite soft spoken n genial on tumblr dash bc im . weary about projecting my views ,,,,

but well, i used to know sb who was caught up in clique drama and they would constantly badmouth abt other users to me . i didn’t know how to outright tell them i wasn’t interested in hearing it,, but yeah we kinda stopped talking after that.

Have you ever felt pressured to write something you weren’t comfortable with?

slightly ???  i have had ppl push ship ideas onto me real strongly . i’m not against ships but they’d come to me w a preconception of who my muse is …  esp w canon muses … its not exactly a huge deal bc i get that ppl are excited to plot n ship characters,  but like .  yeah i have.  i’m not  …  great at refusing people hskfjdfa

What would make you block someone?

idk i’ve never actually blocked anyone  ( lol asides from p.orn bots ) . unfollowing  +  steadfastly ignoring them  usually does the trick for me.  shdfksdjfa

What’s one thing that other people seem to hate that doesn’t bother you?

well. this is a bit controversial …. but i feel like ppl are. too sensitive abt whitewashing ?? like i understand that there’s a problem if icons are deliberately edited to lighten skin tone or if a mun straight up erases the character’s racial identity , but some ppl just use pack psds n when the icons are like. two hexes off from their orig skin tone n people accuse them of bein racist and stuff. like . yeah ok,  maybe it was a poor judgement on the mun’s part ,  but labelling them a racist is just . not cool.

like damn. there are actual people out there suffering from the impact of racism ! victims who have been denied entry n detained at borders, subjected to police brutality, denied their rights to expression n respect in the workplace ,,,,,  like open your eyes,  putting a tinted psd over a picture or wtv is NOT racism oh my god. trying to claim that this falls into the same category ultimately trivialises the issue imo .

[stancontenders]

tag game!!

tagged by @nycksel ty for blessing me always ; v ;

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE SONG(S) TO SING?

they totally ruin my throat but i love singing along to lana del rey’s songs 💖💖 i also sing along to whatever’s on the radio when i’m driving

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE FLOWER/TREE/PLANT?

i love succulents !! i kept a whole garden of them in my backyard. got hella depressed and neglected em for a year but most of them were still there and even got bigger when i came out to visit them.

FAVOURITE COLOURS?

red, it irritates my eyes but whenever i draw i gotta sketch in red haha-- a lot of my simpler art ends up with reds too

WHAT DO YOU ALWAYS DOODLE?

if u check my ig................. it’s just sad anime busts facing left :,-)

HOW DO YOU TAKE YOUR COFFEE/TEA?

mmm i rly like vietnamese iced milk coffee and i will Chug Green Tea if given the opportunity.

FAVOURITE CANDLE SCENT?

hmmm citrusy stuff. i like citrus in general. i prefer lighter smells for candles cuz it’s so easy for them to get suffocating.

SUNRISE OR SUNSET?

sunrise definitely. sunset looks too rich for my eyes.

WHAT PERFUME DO YOU WEAR?

usually i don’t wear anything cuz i just use bbw lotion but i really like bbw’s french lavender and honey perfume

WHAT’S YOUR GO-TO DANCE MOVE WHEN YOU’RE ALONE?

kshsjhs idk i don’t dance cuz of my centuries old joints

FAVOURITE QUOTE?

hhh a serious quote probs “we were a perfect match, but sadly matches burn ” hjghfghd edgy wROW but i also fuckin laugh every time i see “ You are mean to me you insult me and you dont appreciate anything that i ”

FAVOURITE SELF CARE ROUTINE(S)?

jshfjsh i don’t rly do that... it’s more of a chore tbh. i like moisturizing my face after a shower tho

FUZZY SOCKS OR HOUSE SLIPPERS?

barefoot lmao. as much as i hate feet, wearing socks that will get dirty bothers me even more so

WHAT COLOUR ARE YOUR EYES?

dark brown ?? u can’t even see my pupils unless i’m out in the sun

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE EYE COLOUR ON OTHERS?

i don’t even look @ ppl’s eyes most of the time so i can’t tell OOPS. one time i was dating someone and i thought their eyes were blue until they flat out said “ no they’re hazel ” jsfhsdjfh

FAVOURITE SEASON? WHY?

summer cuz uhhh no school obligations, my workplace has ac, and it’s perfect beach weather boii B^)

NECK, CHEEK, OR NOSE KISSES?

tHEY ARE ALL GOOD !!

WHAT DOES YOUR HAPPY PLACE LOOK LIKE?

hh idk ig the beaches u see in postcards but i like just hanging out on my computer while wrapped in a blanket

FAVOURITE BREED OF DOG?

fuck lol i like so many. i love spitz type dogs ?? and pitbulls. i used to really like dobermans and german shepherds but idk ??

DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE MARRIED?

hhh it’s expensiv..........

CURSIVE OR PRINT?

mmmm print is more legible but my handwriting looks like bastardized cursive so who knows mane

FAVOURITE WEATHER?

i rLY LIKE WHEN IT’S warm and sunny but there’s a cool dry breeze

I tag: uH idk it’s almost midnight and i suddenly don’t know anyone but @rvujehong overwatch and @sleepdeprivedhanzo if yall wanna do this then ;3c

[transrightsjimin]

may have broken down in frustrated tears over stupid fucking Gezelligheid mentality AGAIN

(aka finding ppl visiting each others’ homes all the gd time and hugging nd kissing nd not wearing facemasks bc it’s SOCIABLE thats NORMAL and DUTCH and it’s somehow logical to consider this more important than making sure others dont get infected and DIE. and YES ppl still tell me them finding being social IRL more important makes sense even when i phrase it as a lesser priority over LOVED ONES DYING)

but this time it was to my autism coach who clearly didnt empathize w me being frustrated w my job coach not listening to me until asking nd nearly demandng after 6 attempts that yes i would like her to wear a face mask in the small office i met her in!!

nd i talked to my autism coach abt my very much immunocompromised mom and my grandma and my aunt nd just generally family wanting to visit indoors unmasked bc thats SOCIAAL!!

and ironically i was describing my frustrations w my job coach asking me, after angering me, why i was angry, nd tone policying nd saying i “should be more considerate to other people” (THATS WHY I WEAR FACEMASKS ND TRY TO NOT MEET UP CLOSE U ASSHAT!!! SO I DONT INFECT ND KILL PEOPLE!!!!) and “respect other people think differently about it” (I AM AWARE AND DO NOT RESPECT IT!!!!!) , IRONICALLY i ended up venting abt this w frustration bc i could notice my autism coach found it important too that i meet up w family irl soon (like my autism coaches nd gender therapist keep asking when we can finally have appointments irl again bc thats normal and just. NO. NO WHAT THE FUCK)

nd she too went like ‘im trying to empathize w u here but i do understand your family more and u do rly need to think of them too‘ nd i just broke down sobbing badly, like worse than usual in a way ive only had this intense nd briefly since recently, nd i felt so annoyed abt it nd she clearly did feel somewhat bad for me but also sort of tried to make my crying ok by reasoning im struggling to get into the routine of work / sleep and like thats true, but she said it more in a way to form an excuse for my super out of line act of crying over ppl not caring abt the fucking pandemic and treating me like a selfish weirdo for not considering their selfish feelings over their own and others’ lives.

its like just like w my job coach after my voice clearly shook in anger, nd she asked abt why i was going to the MRI scan i mentioned, nd i said it was bc of hormone imbalance and doctors worried abt me not having PMS regularly, nd she replied w like this sympathetic smile, like ahh thats why youre irritable, ‘ohh so you have PMS regularly, ah, yes that must be-‘ nd i was like ‘no actually it’s not regularly, i dont have it for months‘

i just feel lightheaded every time i stress cry now bc its too much stress nd devastation all at once. not to self victimize but life rn feels like im in a bad hidden camera prank where people try to convince me im insane for believing a deadly virus is dangerous and that doing so is very selfish somehow. except its not a prank and real and i hate it. idk how to even vent abt this to my best friend bc he doesnt deal well w expressing empathy bc autism nd like, we hug a lot but he doesnt rly know wht to say. nd maybe its true im going irrational nd acting too angry at fcking work or in public but thats bc the systems r so fucking messed up tht no one seems to be aware of shit like the dangers of pandemics?? capitalism?? cops (remember the new years story where i was concerned for a man in psychosis bc the whole street called the cops on him nd they didnt respond or say anything at all when i expressed i wasnt happy they called cops on him nd then acted like i was hysterical??)(FOR WORRYING ABT ROTTERDAM COPS!! WHO R OFTEN REPORTED TO ASSAULT PPL SEVERELY ND LOVE TO TALK ABT WANTING TO KILL PPL IN THEIR LEAKED GROUP CHATS??)??

like just w all of these things it feels like im talking to a wall when saying smth as simple as ‘í would like to ask you to keep your mask on when we’re in the office‘ or ‘no i would not like my vulnerable old family member to come over inside during a pandemic‘. maybe i am turning fcking nuts maybe!! maybe i might fcking lose it!!!!!

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Hey, can u plz help me type myself? Thanks. I'm pretty ambiverted. I feel like I alternate btwn the real world and my head a lot. I can't stay in only one of them for too long, though. I love doing things and going out and having fun, but I never fully am able to just let loose and live in the moment. I def prefer analyzing and thinking about situations than actually being faced w them. I have a general tendency to overanalyze everything, and I jump to insane conclusions pretty quickly. (1)

When I meet new ppl, I have a tendency to make immediate, rlly harsh judgements about them. But usually, the next day, I realize that I was just overthinking it and I start to really like them. My opinions can change SO quickly. Another thing that changes really quickly with me is my ideas. When Im having a convo w someone, I go through abt 8462 different topics because my mind just switches from idea to idea at an incredibly quick pace, especially when i'm having a sudden burst of energy. (2)A big weakness of mine is that Im really disorganized. Ive always been this way. I'll start the school year off with a nicely organized binder, and by the second week, all my papers are being shoved in my bag and crumpled up. I dont take any interest in organizing things, I feel that it's not the most important skill to have. Another thing is that, as people-oriented as I am, Im oddly quite bad with people? This is rly weird and idk why Im like this, but I understand exactly (3)

how I make others feel with what I say, I'm very aware of people's perceptions of me, and I understand how to manipulate people, but when I make attempts to actually do it, I can't. I'm really good with emotions and I understand them on an incredibly deep level, but I'm bad at working with them/changing them outside of my head. I've always loved things that spoke to my emotions - most of my favourite songs and movies are my favourite songs and movies bc they speak to me on a (4)

personal level. I can relate to them. When I watch sad movies, I looove getting super involved in them and experiencing emotions to the full depth I can get to. But I also have this huuuuge fear of crying in front of ppl, so if someone is there watching it with me, stopping me from being able to cry, I get extremely annoyed. Oh also - one of the most annoying traits in people for me is when they're superficial/aren't touched deeply by things that are extremely moving. People who only (5)

watch movies for the action scenes and nothing more. Who don't reflect on the lines or see them as having a deeper meaning than the exact words that were spoken. That's just a big pet peeve of mine. Anyways, I think that's it? If you need me to provide you with any more information, PLEASE let me know. Tysm!!! I love your blog. (6)

-----

Hi anon,

1st part: prefer analysis to the moment, jump to conclusions a lot - possibly intuitive

2nd: judge people quickly, very quick to change opinions - probably not Ni or Si which are usually slower to change opinions. This all sounds very high Ne to me.

3rd: disorganization - also high Ne. Probably dom Ne.

4th: I can’t tell - this could be either a low Fe thing or a high Fi thing in that someone with Fe tends to be better at understanding manipulation, but the low position makes it hard for you to implement, or it could be that your high Fi makes you very people-oriented but bad at bringing this skill outside of the personal.

5th/6th: this seems much more Fi - being irritated by people you perceive as superficial. A high Fe user might do this but almost definitely not a low one, but a younger high Fi user would be quite likely to have this reaction.

Conclusion: ENFP.

[cherri-ice]

All the numbers

fuck you 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

uH MY CLOSE FRIEND LMAO? 2. Are you outgoing or shy?

lowkey both?? im more shy but if i know the person im incredibly outgoing 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

MY LOWKEY GF4. Are you easy to get along with?

oft no 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

YEP6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

ppl who are kind !! also ppl who could either break me or love me 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

,, hopefully8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

,,, can i say keaton henson bc his music makes me sob9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

no but depending w who lmao :””^10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

mm i think my friend from school abt shitty people ngl 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

”do you think it’d be a good idea for me to run and get tea right now”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

ok jeez

1. cherry bomb - the runaways (wow, original)

2. all of sevdalizas songs ever

3. blood // water - grandson

4. charger - gorillaz

5. pools - glass animals

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

YESYEYSYESYEYSYES. fuck yes.14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

mhm!!15. What good thing happened this summer?

err i mean, if u count summer as past summer then convincing my dang dad that i dont wanna stay at my shitty school lmao?? 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

depends on what kind of kiss !! but ye!!17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

pfft, absolutely 18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

,,, i dont think so tbh19. Do you like bubble baths?

HELL YE I DO20. Do you like your neighbors?

ngl i dont rly talk to them but they seem Nice21. What are your bad habits?

if i dont know someone all too well i tend to joke around w them?? idk its weird but i kinda get annoyed easy as well,, altho another bad habit is my flaky ass backing out of events sometimes22. Where would you like to travel?

i’d love to ,,, travel to scotland or france23. Do you have trust issues?

oh boy i do24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

going the hell to sleep again and wrapping myself up25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

every part w scars lmao26. What do you do when you wake up?

take my dang meds27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

,, idk?? i like my skin tbh but it could clear tf up28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my sister29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

nope :””^ 30. Do you ever want to get married?

yes!!31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

ye lmao32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

,,, IM 16 LETS NOT GO HERE33. Spell your name with your chin.

aki34. Do you play sports? What sports?

i work out but i dont play sport lmao35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

without tv, music is my lifeblood36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

almost always37. What do you say during awkward silences?

i try to joke abt smth usually38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

someone who cares for me smh39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

T2, I LOVE TEA,,, 40. What do you want to do after high school?

university or nap 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

yes!! unless they’re super shitty42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

i’m nervous, anxious or overthinking43. Do you smile at strangers?

i try to ??44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

oo fuck outer space ty45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

,, honestly talking to lovely ppl46. What are you paranoid about?

people abandoning me or being completely alone and shut in and just,, closed away from the world47. Have you ever been high?

tba48. Have you ever been drunk?

not rly lmao i have a high tolerance 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

,, UM,,, lowkey yes50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

olive51. Ever wished you were someone else?

before, yes. now? nah, i’m pretty good 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

highkey wish i was less anxious 24/7

53. Favourite makeup brand?

NARS. nars. or kat von d altho i hate what she stands for

54. Favourite store?

T255. Favourite blog?

,, idk? 56. Favourite colour?

blue / green!!57. Favourite food? 

creme brulee58. Last thing you ate?

a rly good double cheese burger59. First thing you ate this morning?

croissant60. Ever won a competition? For what?

knowledge of novels for school!! or art wise, i’ve won a few comps inside our school61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope62. Been arrested? For what?

nada63. Ever been in love? 

smh i fall in love,, way to easily64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

,, jeez i hate the person who it was with, but it was underneath the harbour bridge after chocolate strawberries and a picnic,, she asked if she could kiss me and i said yes65. Are you hungry right now?

jfc not rly im super content tbh66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

no @official-akko is a binch (im kidding i love u)67. Facebook or Twitter?

fb68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?

nope but i was watching law and order svu 70. Names of your bestfriends? 

beauty, my cat71. Craving something? What?

cuddling someone and gently lying my head on their chest 72. What colour are your towels?

white!!72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3 binch73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

yes!!74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

on my bed is 2, but i think at least 5+ around 75. Favourite animal?

i love,, cats,,,, so fucking much 76. What colour is your underwear?

wouldn’t u like to know77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

vanilla78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

mm cookies and cream?79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

dark bluuee80. What colour pants?

grey81. Favourite tv show?

right now its between brooklyn 99 and stranger things82. Favourite movie?

i will never stop loving mulan or the princess diaries 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls i guess 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

,, janis ian86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

uh the turtle smh87. First person you talked to today?

ash!! 88. Last person you talked to today?

rn, its niko89. Name a person you hate?

me90. Name a person you love?

ash91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

GOD this one asshole from school i will actually brawl92. In a fight with someone?

not rly?? idk93. How many sweatpants do you have?

at least 494. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

5!!95. Last movie you watched?

legally blonde pfft96. Favourite actress?

i lowkey love madelaine petsch97. Favourite actor?

shrugs loudly98. Do you tan a lot?

no im pale af99. Have any pets?

a cat!!100. How are you feeling?

tired, coffee makes me tired101. Do you type fast?

yep!! i can touch-type too so i dont even have to look most of the time as well lmao102. Do you regret anything from your past?

waayyy too fuckin much regret over what ive done to myself 103. Can you spell well?

ye!!104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

,, my grandma :105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

nope lmao106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

,, i think i have,,, 107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes!! i go horseriding at least four times during the year108. What should you be doing?

sleeping probably109. Is something irritating you right now?

i have a fuckin itch on my leG110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yep,, oh boy 111. Do you have trust issues?

i already answered this lmao112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

,, my sister because i wanted her to comfort m e shes v sweet113. What was your childhood nickname?

”leash”114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes!!115. Do you play the Wii?

sometimes116. Are you listening to music right now?

i am, its glass animals :””^117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yes!!118. Do you like Chinese food?

eh, iffy but i dont mind it!119. Favourite book?

THE NAME OF THE WIND BY PATRICK ROTHFUSS120. Are you afraid of the dark?

only a lil121. Are you mean?

,, i think i am sometimes122. Is cheating ever okay?

never ever ever ever is it okay.123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

yes! if not i fuckin clean em wth124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

not rly? i think love is something you have to grow and share together, kind of like a garden plant? works gotta go into it for it to blossom 125. Do you believe in true love?

i believe in it!126. Are you currently bored?

,, yea lmao127. What makes you happy?

memes, reading and tea ngl128. Would you change your name?

birthname? ye, probably lmao129. What your zodiac sign?

cancer! im an emotional fucking crab130. Do you like subway?

ye!131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

remind them im a lesbian132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

binnch this is a past question133. Favourite lyrics right now?

”Our skinIn time would tellCan I hold on to our genesIn my lifeI could not failWhen I run out will you leave?”

134. Can you count to one million?

i can but i’d loose track i have attention issues pfft135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

”i was late because my cat threw up one on of my school uniforms and i had to change”136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed, idk who can trust anyone that much to keep them open137. How tall are you?

5′7!138. Curly or Straight hair?

i have wavy hair if this is asking m e139. Brunette or Blonde?

blonde140. Summer or Winter?

winter141. Night or Day?

night142. Favourite month?

july bc its cold and my birth month143. Are you a vegetarian?

nooppe144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk chocolate!145. Tea or Coffee?

tea146. Was today a good day?

meh, highs and lows 147. Mars or Snickers?

mars148. What’s your favourite quote?

either:a. “And what we learn about ourselves in those moments, where the trigger has been squeezed, is this: the past is not dead. There are things that wait for us, patiently, in the dark corridors of our lives. We think we have moved on, put them out of mind, left them to desiccate and shrivel and blow away; but we are wrong. They have been waiting there in the darkness, working out, practicing their most vicious blows, their sharp hard thoughtless punches into the gut, killing time until we came back that way.” from Trigger Warning (Short fictions and disturbances), neil gaiman

or

b. “Perhaps the greatest faculty our minds possess is the ability to cope with pain. Classic thinking teaches us of the four doors of the mind, which everyone moves through according to their need.First is the door of sleep. Sleep offers us a retreat from the world and all its pain. Sleep marks passing time, giving us distance from the things that have hurt us. When a person is wounded they will often fall unconscious. Similarly, someone who hears traumatic news will often swoon or faint. This is the mind's way of protecting itself from pain by stepping through the first door.Second is the door of forgetting. Some wounds are too deep to heal, or too deep to heal quickly. In addition, many memories are simply painful, and there is no healing to be done. The saying 'time heals all wounds' is false. Time heals most wounds. The rest are hidden behind this door.Third is the door of madness. There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind. Last is the door of death. The final resort. Nothing can hurt us after we are dead, or so we have been told.” - The name of the wind, patrick rothfuss

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes!! i believe that ghosts exist lmao, or at least guiding spirits 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“… but he left his doubts unspoken. Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.” - Game of thrones lmao

[sapphirescales]

LILY!!! do you have skincare tips? i've got oily skin and i'm looking for things i can do when my Depression makes it hard to maintain a routine :(

UMMMM well idk like,,, my skin isnt all that great either esp when The Stress hits but i’ll jot down some stuff tht i can think of, but i’ll preface it w my skin is combination skin -- i’ve got a rly oily t-zone and then the rest of my face (esp my cheeks) are a little dry so i guess my skin tends to be more oily than anything, and my skin is SUPER SENSITIVE, but anyway

for facewashes and face creams: use gel stuff instead of foam or cream stuff! i switched my foam cleanser for a gel cleanser, and my moisturiser cream for a moisturiser gel and it helped so much. gel stuff tends to be a lil bit more expensive but it’s worth it imho. also try and get stuff which are parabens-free, bc stuff w parabens in it usually makes my acne go Mad. some stuff i’ve used/stuff i know about: sugar’s cucumber face wash gel, clinelle’s hydracalm facewash gel & hydracalm moisturiser, st ives’ green tea cleanser, origins’ make a difference plus+ rejuvenating cream (a gel moisturiser & a lil high-end aka super pricet), the face shop’s jeju aloe gel (there’s a huge tub sold here for like rm22 something something and honestly aloe gel is so cooling and soothing). i’ve also heard some really great stuff about origins’ oil cleanser (and oil cleansers in general) but i haven’t used it personally.

get urself a good toner! again, try and stay away from parabens-containing products but investing in a good toner will help your products sink in better and also help with regards to oil control. i’m using origins’ mega-bright skin illuminating treatment lotion, from their dr andrew weil line, and idk of many toners that are parabens free, so if you know any feel free 2 add to the comments i guess

your diet tends to reflect on your face. i dont eat v healthy tbh but i find that if i take a lot of dairy products, my acne tends to get worse. try and see if there are similar food products for you -- i know my cousins have issues with lots of processed food. not to say Cut It Out Entirely but reducing/cutting back can really help. my skin is also v v oily if i don’t drink enough water and get in enough greens, so i try to do that as often as i can. keep some water next to where you’re working or using your laptop, use a cool mason jar or water bottle or sippy cup or WHATEVER tbh as long as it makes you actually drink water and keep yourself hydrated

use a nice scrub or an alternative to a scrub: i use st ives’ green tea scrub (which is also parabens free and v affordable imo) and i also bought a tiny lil silicone sponge from watson’s which is like rm22 or something? and i use that with my gel cleanser. but the goal is to really gently exfoliate your skin without irritating it or drying it out. bc the sponge is made of silicone, it lasts FOREVER as well and you’ll see a difference in the texture of your skin in no time. making sure less dead cells are on your skin also helps w my oil production idk why??? but it Does so sdlfkj

face care with make-up is so, so important. use a primer or a pore filler before you put on make-up -- not only will it help your make-up stay on for longer but it also stops make-up getting INTO your pores and making your skin situation worse. afterwards, i usually wipe off my make-up with a (i know u guys are sick of this by now) parabens-free or a really gentle make-up wipe (like one from simple), and then i go back in with micellar water or baby oil in order to really clear out my pores. i use a quick scrub, tone and moisturise. wearing make-up often makes my skin oilier sometimes bc my make-up (which is mattifying bc oily t-zone) dries my skin out and then makes it overproduce oil again later, so if i don’t gotta use make-up, i try not to / minimise how much make-up i use (e.g. just using it for under-eye concealing or concealing acne scars/major acne)

on that note, if you don’t gotta use a cleanser, don’t? like i know most ppl are gonna scream but honestly if you were just at home all day and didn’t go anywhere or do anything to your skin, just splash on some micellar water to clear off the products off your skin from the day before/last night and you’re going to be fine??? super easy, zero fuss.

also, if youre wearing make-up, and youve got oily skin/oily areas, youre gonna have to be a lil aware sometimes and like. dab at your face w a sponge or a tissue v gently to wipe off the oil. setting your face with a powder really helps, and you don’t ACTUALLY need to put the same amount of make-up and foundation over your whole face. so, for e.g., my nose doesn’t need as much coverage and its Super Oily, so i don’t apply as much product there compared to like my forehead or my cheeks (where my acne scarring is most prominent), which really helps. if you have a good foundation and powder that closely matches your skintone and your undertone, you can probably get away w this a lot easier. 

CHANGE YOUR MAKE-UP BRUSHES AND SPONGES OFTEN! like please. PLEASE. i know we all Love to build up and are Lazy As Hell but then maybe invest in some disposable sponges or something bc for the sake of hygiene. please.

USE SUNSCREEN. idc if youre lightskinned or darkskinned, USE SUNSCREEN. even if youre medium-dark skinned, youre not gonna be immune to skin cancer. harsh sunlight also makes your skintone uneven and usually makes my skin overproduce oil. i really like biore’s sunscream stuff bc it’s very light, there’s a non-scented option and it also doubles as a make-up base (they have a few so you gotta have a look through). 

FACE MASKS! i also struggle w The Depression and its really tough for me to maintain an immaculate skincare routine, so rather than investing in like 16 tubs of facemasks i have 1 tube of clay mask (mine is from origins bc i bought this a Long While Ago while i still had money, but any clay mask is good!) and then i bought a WHOLE BUNCH of sheet face masks from the face shop because ... you guessed it ... they’re parabens free! and super cheap! using a hot compress before the mask helps bc your pores open up! i usually make myself a nice mug of tea and switch my a/c on and then slap that facemask on and do some replies. but try and do a facemask at least once every two weeks. i use mine once a week to once every two weeks, depending on how bad my depression is. target the facemask you choose to the particular problems your skin has; mine are usually hydrating facemasks (bc hydration!!! and really hydrating your skin goes a LONG WAY wrt to oil control) but i also have a few firming and brightening ones bc my skin can feel a little dull sometimes. ALSO, clay masks get a Lot Of Shit so i’m gonna just tell you quickly -- YES, they do make your skin break out the first few times you use it, but over time, it will REALLY HELP trust me! your pores? minimised. your skin? clear and glowing. your oil? controlled. if your skin is super sensitive and does not react well to store-bought masks, feel free to make some of your own natural ones! i really love making a maduka honey mask -- if you add sugar to it, it becomes a mask that also doubles as a scrub. a natural yoghurt mask is also a BLESSING and adding some oats to it also makes it double as a scrub. you could use natural aloe or use tomatoes and throw some sugar in them. PLEASE DON’T USE COCONUT OIL AS A MASK IT WILL CLOG YOUR PORES!!! don’t use masks that hurt bc you peel them etc because i always find tht it makes my skin immediately produce way more oil than it needs to compensate or smth lmao so NO to charcoal masks and stuff like that.

try and use something different for day and night. super tough esp if youre (like me) super lazy to do shit but during the day, i usually use an aloe vera gel moisturiser and, at night, i use bio oil to hydrate, minimise pores and also help with acne scarring, and tea tree oil gel to target acne-prone areas on my face and help combat acne before it starts up. find something that works for you!!!

a lot of skincare is trial and error, trying to find what works for YOU personally might not be something that works for others; i rarely get cystic acne, for example, so my skincare routine doesn’t really target that and so some parts might not work as well for people who do have cystic acne (esp since i often hear that clay masks really fuck up ppl who have cystic acne which makes sense bc in the beginning clay masks make acne worse before it gets better). try some stuff out and see what works for you after a month or so of a trial period.

skincare takes time! i don’t mean in the obvious way like you need to take time out of your day to do stuff, but i mean, it takes TIME for the results to show. you’ll have to do stuff now bc it’ll pay off later. it’ll be rough when you’re trying new stuff in the beginning but it might work out for you over a longer period of time. don’t switch products and stuff TOO OFTEN bc it’ll screw up your skin more.

it’s okay if you miss things or don’t do your routine every single day or just Can’t. it’s okay. it’s just skin care, and skipping a day or two won’t really make A Huge Difference. you can continue tomorrow. 

i hope some of this helps? idk this is just what’s worked for me over the years but yeah. feel free 2 add comments as necessary. :*

[erlangs]

❤️ :)

truly i hate liza bc she knows id do this to outdo her ( mere ) 655 word compliment so she sent it even tho i didnt reblog the goddamn post sdfsdf and i hate myself bc im doing it anyway. the thing is under the cut bc its really fucking long and i hate u liza.

ok so, that disclaimer aside, where do i start with liza? man, i legit still cant believe that im ur oldest good tumblr friend?? thats such an honor?? honestly tho, it feels like its been longer than only two and a half years?? before u mentioned that on ur compliment, i honestly thought that weve been here for at least three years. sometimes its just v easy to forget for me that i havent known you for like, half my life ( it doesnt help that u know one of my irl friends irl too rip ). ur presence is constantly there, and for two people who can get irritated real quick by a never ending presence, ur right; we really do make it work. i really like how youre always around but not in a way that it pressures me or anything, i just know youre gonna be there always and i hope you know the same about me too?? even if we dont talk for a few days or only talk briefly i just know youre still gonna be there when im back, and i hope you know that the same applies to you too. im still gonna be here, ok.

tbh its amazing to me too how while we’ve both changed and grew up and all that, we’re also still kinda the same?? in the sense that, aside from bonding over emmastan bein losers and other things, a lot of our convos from the beginning were riddled w salt too?? and here we are, still getting salty every single day. SPEAKING OF SALT, u know one thing that im rly grateful of of u too?? its the fact that altho u indulge my saltiness and we get petty a lot, u always always without fail help me put a brake to that saltiness. u know to stop me when u know that the salt is gonna pull me under and drag me down, u know to remind me that sometimes bitterness isnt the right way to go, and im honestly really grateful that we have that balance in our conversations?? the fact that ur firm w me when i need it is smth that i v much appreciate too like i feel like ?? neither of us are scared to speak our minds w each other too and thats really nice?? honestly, idt ive ever really skirted around about anything with u and like even if it takes me a while to bring up ( usually nothing to do w u too lmao more like personal issues i have n stuff ) it always gets brought up?? u also got a good head on your shoulders ( altho sometimes we both know that u use it better when ur giving other ppl advice rather than looking @ urself LMAO ) and i really appreciate how i can always come to you to help me rationalize things too. i remember like i used to come to u a lot about getting second opinions bc i know ur always gonna look at from an unbiased pov if u can and ur always honest about what u think?? and thats honestly still something i do a lot too, whether its rp apps or personal issues or whatever else.

and see, thats the thing. i think sometimes criticizing can be rly tough but u?? make it so easy?? its v easy for us to proofread each others things and stuff and thats why i really like showing you my rp apps as well? there are a few people who id be like “ok i know my work is good if this person says its good”, and youre one of those people. bc youre honest, but not brutal, and i really appreciate that about you. i mean, u know we can be brutal w each other n not rly mind but even outside of me, ur always v v mindful and i find that amazing?? u just....always try rly but also!! another thing that i admire about u is the fact that even tho u always try to be there for ur friends too, u know when to draw the line and take time for urself. i think like talking to you about things like this helped me get a stronger grasp on myself too? someone complimented me saying that it seems like i know who i am v well and while i know i still have a lot to learn too about myself and my place in the world and im still figuring the fuck out of everything, i feel like the people around me defff helped me find my footing better and tbh, ur one of those people. u helped me find my stance while still grow and all, and just overall, i feel like a lot of our convos when we’re not talking abt our sims or charas being complete messes or we’re talking abt random things like rice, they help a lot w self discovery?? which idt ive ever properly thought about either, but since i basically said i could probably write u a 1k compliment, why not bring it up here?? writing this down made me realize that too, so.

jfk, this is so long already ( the end of that paragraph? thats when i told its already 914 words ) and i havent even gotten into like the more Aesthetic things n ur talentz and skillz n all that. but u know time and time again ive told you how much i love your writing?? i know sometimes we look at other ppls writings and yell about how pretty they are, but i hope you know never for a second have i ever thought that ur writing is inferior to any pretty writing. like u said, we have similar writing styles and by default LMAO if u want me to be confident abt my writing style ( which i am, and again a lot of ppl close to me have helped me w that n that includes u ) then i want u to do the same w urs bc we write kind of similarly. and its amazing, bc i think our writing is v different too but also?? a v similar tone?? it makes rping w u v easy for me too bc theres just?? so little pressure?? and before we know it our threads are 1k+ n we’re yelling at each other abt how its effort but we still try outdo each other anyway. but really, you know that im honest about ur writing and when something feels like it doesnt work for me or anything i always straight up will tell u but the thing is, it so rarely happens?? genuinely, i love love your writing and also your character creation process and everything else. just — the amount of work u put into ur fiction impresses me and also, as lazy as you are, it always amazes me how u would push urself and do replies and stuff too even tho i know u stare at them for 10 hours being like “effort”.

anyway, i really should end this soon lmao but one more thing!! i cant not bring this up ok!! i think my favorite thing about you is that youre always so genuine. like, i could be talking abt an anime that u dont even have any idea what it looks like and ud still genuinely listen and be interested and god, i appreciate that sooo much about u?? steffi yells at u abt kpop n kdramas and i yell at u abt games and anime and never for one second have i ever felt like u were dismissing us?? and truly, its amazing bc i know in some friendships ppl mostly talk abt what they have in common but i feel like with you and me, we can talk abt something the other has zero knowledge abt and its still chill. and i hope u know im always interested in what u gotta say too, sometimes im slow w responding n stuff or dont respond w multiple texts but u know im always interested. i mean, for fucks sake, i attentively listen to 4 of ur simventures and its been truly a wild ride.

our friendship as a whole was probably a Wild Ride, so much has happened in the past 2 and a half years ( u graduated, i graduated, amongst other things ) and here’s to many many more years of being trash saltmates i love u

[gottahavepride]

11, 15, 16, 25, 28, 31, 60

11. are you listening to music right now?

ye!!! “Insomnia” by IAMX just finished playing && it shuffled over to Heysatan by Sigur Ros.

15. personality description

ooohhhh god lmao uhhhh. i don’t... really know myself?? idk i’d say i’m kind, that i care a lot about people, but like.... it varies. i have to actually care about them or i find it difficult to locate my empathy module looool. i’d also say im selfless but not always?? like when im mentally stable im p selfless and a lot of ppl say i put people TOO far ahead of myself but then. there are times where i just dont. im also really inconsistent with... a lot of things. i struggle to commit to projects. im not a very neat/clean/organized person naturally (tho i am trying && it’s WAY easier when im not mired in depression). i have to have a list of things i need to do or i get overwhelmed just trying to figure out where to start. i adopt speech patterns/mannerisms from ppl i get close to. i am not self-motivated or self-directed, i really need to know what im supposed to be doing when it comes to a job or w/e. i love people a lot and i love them really easily when it happens and once i love someone (platonically or romantically) its... like i’d do anything for them lmao. im fiercely loyal but also surprisingly impartial. i try really hard to be a good person & im too hard on myself when i fuck up. also i like talking about myself too much LMAO see above. also see the fact that i reblog ask memes w no shame

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

i mean, when im irritated w people i get impulses to snap/say not-pleasant things??? but i think this is referring to like ~deep secrets~ or w/e?? and uh. not really.... i don’t think? im p open honestly. im not a subtle person and im pretty obvious about my emotions. and if i wanna share something, as long as im comfy and im as certain as i can be that the person will be comfy w me sharing, then i usually just.... share.

25. role model

uuuhhhhh???? heck. i dunno. honestly i have no idea. i just try to be a kind person who doesnt hurt other people and who doesnt judge them. i mean ive fucked up but.... im trying to get back to that. maybe be a little less petty. probably not much less salty when im playing ovw tho LMAO

28. i’ll love you if…

u dont abandon me??? LMAO bpd makes this Too Easy on people. but uh. apparently i have a Type (somewhat aloof science nerds who are younger than me, like the mountains, write & draw, and tolerate much colder temps than i do) but like, as far as actions -- im a sucker for pet names. also people who take time to reassure me that im not a burden. and like, ive discovered that making a point to be like “hey im gonna be doing x for a while so i might not reply” means a Lot to me bc yknow. aforementioned abandonment issues looool.

31. 3 random facts

i have a collection of pretty scarves made out of those different types of sheer/light materials that i adore aesthetically and think i might wear one day when im more comfortable but like??? i actually never wear them lmao

i rly enjoy wearing heels & habitually try them on when i go into shoe stores just to admire them

i have no idea what my actual fashion aesthetic is but i want to discover it one day

60. ask me anything you want

am... i supposed to ask you??? i dont know. i’ll ask u when i send u one of these LMAO

[briarthedragon]

yes to ask all 70 questions do i send 70 asks or can i just say all 70 questions? 1-70? :3c plz

omg yea thanks >.

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?Kinda? I love my parents and they love me, for sure. But they don’t really support my identity - they’re rly homophobic and transphobic to the point that I can’t come out as genderqueer safely. So kinda? Eh?

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?Either my Zukes or my bestie Skye. I say “I love you” to p much all my friends every day so it’s hard to keep track, but I last talked to them xD

03: Do you regret anything?Oh yeah, I regret tons of things. I regret attending the university I went to, I regret not seeking help with my mental health issues earlier, I regret time wasted, I regret investing in toxic friendships. 

04: Are you insecure?Yeah, definitely. I doubt myself a lot, I fear that I’m annoying or bothering or hurting my friends, and I don’t really feel like I”m enough.

05: What is your relationship status?I’m in a QPR with my two wonderful zukes, @twixtandscream and @flowersalesman ! 

06: How do you want to die?Idk. I want to die after improving the world a little bit, that’s all I know. 07: What did you last eat?A bowl of cereal lol08: Played any sports?I played basketball as a kid, I ran cross country in middle school, and I did marching band in high school. 09: Do you bite your nails?Constantly. I accidentally gnawed down to one of my nail beds last night rip 10: When was your last physical fight?shit uhhhh idk? I come close to physical confrontation a lot but I don’t think I have been in a fight recently? 11: Do you like someone?I like a lot of people! lol. but romantically? yea i have,,,, some crushes................ im very gay it’s a problem 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?Yyyyyep. I pulled a couple all-nighters at uni. One to finish a project for an art class, and the others to make sure my roommate was safe when she stayed up 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?Yeah, I hate a lot of people. No one I know personally, but I hate a lot of nazis and also Donald Trump14: Do you miss someone?Yeah. Wish I didn’t, but it’s hard to get over things sometimes. 15: Have any pets?My family has a wonderful dog named Tumnus! He’s a gorgeous silken windhound. I also have an outdoor cat named Tib. 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?Pretty sick, and not too great, but I’m gonna try to make today good anyway 17: Ever made out in the bathroom?nah that’s nasty. so many germs,,, no one washes their hands. people shit in there 18: Are you scared of spiders?eh? i don’t like bugs and they make me feel creepy crawly stuff all over but I’ve been designated spider squisher at my apartments and stuff. and i like tarantulas 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?eh, enough to fix mistakes i’ve made? totally. but way back in time? absolutely not. i dont need smallpox thx20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?uhh a few weeks ago? 21: What are your plans for this weekend?I’m meeting up with one of my zukes! :D 22: Do you want to have kids? How many?nnnnnnope. i’d be a terrible parent and also i just don’t wanna 23: Do you have piercings? How many?yea i have one set of ear piercings. i wanna get more ear piercings tho and maybe a nose piercing. idk 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?science, language, art, music25: Do you miss anyone from your past?yep. wish i didn’t. they don’t deserve it. 26: What are you craving right now?snugs 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?not that i know of? 28: Have you ever been cheated on?nah i haven’t been in a romantic or sexual relationship so 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?i’ll apply this to my zukes and idk? have i? i mean maybe with headcanons or fics or something idk 30: What’s irritating you right now?my nose is all gunked up and there’s road work outside my house going constantly 31: Does somebody love you?i hope so 32: What is your favourite color?i like a lot of colors but i usually say pink and blue 33: Do you have trust issues?kinda? i trust my friends but i worry that they try to spare my feelings (these fears were Confirmed for some ppl who used to be very close friends so it’s,, bad.) 34: Who/what was your last dream about?uhhhh i don’t remember dreams that much but i def remember there was gay shit 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?i cry a lot, it’s hard to say. 36: Do you give out second chances too easily?sometimes 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?easier to forgive. i’ll forgive a lot but i don’t forget and i don’t always trust again 38: Is this year the best year of your life?idk. the first half was rly shitty 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?20. it was only a few weeks ago tbh 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?nah 51: Favourite food?idk tbh. i like a lot of foods 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?yea, kinda? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?messaged my zukes goodnight 54: Is cheating ever okay?never. 55: Are you mean?when it’s deserved ;356: How many people have you fist fought?i punched a friend once jokingly, and i regret it and feel so bad even years later lmao. my next fist fight will probably be with a nazi or somethin 57: Do you believe in true love?yea, but not exactly in the traditional sense 58: Favourite weather?chilly cloudy days, rain, thunderstorms, snow 59: Do you like the snow?yea!! 60: Do you wanna get married?idk.61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?no 62: What makes you happy?my friends, my fandoms, comedy, animals, nature, magic, art, the smell of books and holidays, making things, good food63: Would you change your name?i mean. i kinda have. legally? idk yet 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?nah dude i’d totally kiss her again if she wanted ;) 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?uhhh i don’t rly look at ppl in terms of sex? but gender? ehhhhh i don’t rly have an opposite gender so it’s hard to say. sorry im too special snowflake sjw uwu 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?i’ll just go with “different gender” for this and yes 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?i’ll go with “different gender” again and say my mom, i was talking to her about work 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?either Skye or my zukes again lol. most recent convo 69: Do you believe in soulmates?i believe in people you can spend forever with 70: Is there anyone you would die for? absolutely, but dying for people is easy. i’m trying my best to live for them until i have to 

[transrightsjimin]

same rant as usual abt being sad abt the world and wanting to help but feeling too messed up to get anything done, but also undeserving of feeling bad nd tired when theres so many ways i could get out of this shit way easier than ppl who r in a less privileged position, so the only way to get out of this is to change myself but if theres one thing tht scares me to the bone it is the thought of ME as a person CHANGING in a way tht would make me less me, even though the current ‘me‘ is boring myself out and holding myself back from getting better mentally

started to cry nd ranted to my friend again at almost midnight bc im again / still so fucking tired of not doing enough to contribute to helping the world become a better place nd i want to know more abt what actually happens around here and i feel bad for mainly listening + talking to a diversity of friends and mutuals online, but it doesnt reflect so much in the more select amout nd mainly white ppl im friends w in this country, despite this city being so diverse like ??? what happened here? but dont want to befriend ppl as token poc or anything, rather it’s just frustrating tht it feels like the way i position myself to other ppl is too closed off nd not allowing growth? i feel the need to get to know more ppl bc g od whenever i listened to a dutch antiracist podcast and whatnot, reality rly hits me how social so many people are, who went outside nd do a lot of social stuff w others nd r just so in the know on news and whatnot and im just. standing still. not learning enough nd not reaching out.

nd i have to read more into leftist theory before even joining any collective but im also VERY bad at handling any sort of discussions or confrontation, like i just shut down / get irritated / start crying from stress if ppl disagree w one another (irl at least) or there’s tension in the air and then i ultimately end up leaving a social group every time, so how the fuck would i even endure being in an activist / political group :SSS

so my friend adviced me to first 1. work on my mental health, specifically first get in a better situation where i have more structure nd liveable income nd thus less stress nd more energy nd clarity, nd also to 2. work on trying to deal better w stressful situations nd my continuous panicking / crying through therapy. that latter idea never even came up to me bc whenever i cried at therapy, they were super empathetic and praised me for crying nd being so open nd clear abt my feelings instead of concealing them. i don’t like crying all the fucking time as an instant reaction, but bc apparently these doctors nd therapists find it healthy it was fine? but it rly is an issue i worry abt now, like crying at work nd when talking abt work or my (lack of) skills nd whatnot is not something strange to me at all, so this can rly be something that can withold me from getting a job. like i need a job to get better but i need to get better to get a job. nd figure out all these fucking things before i could ever possibly potentially join a radical organization and god i cant stop crying but i have to try to get more longterm therapy to deal w this instant sadness or being upset at the slighted things nd that never occurred to me bc it was commonly encouraged by my therapists who r much more used to patients / clients being the opposite?