#also i didnt reread it cause im late for work so sorry about that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

icharchivist · 3 years ago

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cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

#ichareply #ichafantalks a3 #sonnets of beauty

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violetnotez · 4 years ago

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I am in serious need of soft hours headcanons with Izuku. I wanna pamper him with love, hold his cheeks and kiss him tenderly, hold his hands and draw circles on them with my thumb, hug him to my chest to cuddle him, pet his fluffy hair, just tell him how much I appreciate and believe in him. Forehead kisses, cheek kisses, nose kisses, ALL THE KISSES DAMN IT! 😭 I. APPRECIATE. THIS. CUTE. BROCOLI. BOY. Help me plz 😭 I mean, if you can 😂 I know you're very busy with matchups (btw kudos to those

OMG Im so sorry this was so much later! I was really need some good Izuku loving hours when I wrote this, so I hope you like it! Also sorry it was posted at an UNGODLY HOURS I cant have a normal posting scheudele no matter how hard I try!

ALSO I REALIZED U ASKED FOR HEADCANNONS IM SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!

Izuku x reader

⤷ Genre: Fluff

⤷ Word Count: 1600+

⤷ Warnings: cursing if ya squint

⤷ Synopsis: You have been noticing Midoriya has been a little down lately, so you take it upon yourself to cheer him up by sneakily taking his favorite notebook and writing cute messages in his notes, and of course, his reaction is priceless!

This fic is for the @bnhabookclub bingo event! Here’s my masterlist to see all my work for this event!

Bingo Slot: Doodles On Their Notebook

Your hands were frantically shoving through Midoriya’s things, the collection of All Might merchandise staring at you with piercing eyes as you continued with your search.

Being Izuku’s girlfriend, you pretty much knew Midoriya like the back of your hand. So when he wasn't acting like himself, becoming more sulky and training more, you knew something was seriously wrong with the greenette.

But of course, the green haired boy was determined to prove you wrong, always saying “Im just fine!�� or “Dont worry about me angel!” whenever you brought the topic up.

It just- didnt feel right to you...he seemed so sad, so burdened with something inside of him, his green eyes no longer shining like they used to and his body looking as if it was carrying a tremendous weight on his shoulders.

You had decided enough was enough, and that you would remind your boyfriend of how amazing he was by writing affirmations all over his favorite notebook in order to uplift his spirits-if only you could find the damn thing.

“The hell is that book,” you cursed under your breath, your hands now lifting up every textbook on his desk.

“What book are you looking for puppy?”

You felt a spike of coldness rush through your body, your eyes wide as you turned around to look at your confused looking boyfriend.

His hair looked slightly wet, a towel folded underneath his arms and his signature white shirt a little damp from a shower he probably had taken after training. His cheeks were still a little pink, making his freckles a little more prominent, and in any other circumstance you would have pounced on him with kisses from his cuteness.

But-he had just caught you red handed, looking through his stuff...the hell were you gonna get out of this?

“I-uh,” you stumbled out, trying to find a good lie, “I-I lost a notebook, and I-I think it might be here? From when I came over to study?”

Izuku didnt seem to notice your obvious fluster, his eyes downcast and his expression preoccupied.

“I havent seen any of your notebooks lying around...I’ll look for it, dont worry! We’ll find it eventually,” the boy tried to send you a reassuring smile, but it didnt work very well.

It was sad, tired, worried...just not the usually reassuring Izuku you knew.

All thoughts of your plan filtered out of your mind, your body instantly walking over to the boy. Your hand wrapped around his arm gingerly, some parts rougher than others from his scars as you gently trailed your hand down to rest in his palm.

“‘Zuku, are you feeling okay?” you asked, your voice sweet as you looked up at him with wide eyes. “Is something on your mind? You seem-sad,”

Midoriya sighed, his green orbs looking at you with love and warmth.

Even if he was looking down, it was reassuring to know he still looked at you like that- at least it wasn't you who was causing this...but what?

“Im sorry puppy, I didn't realize I was worrying you so much,” he said, his voice low as he rubbed his thumb against your hand. “Its just-I-I feel like I'm not improving as much as I should be. I've had this power for some time now, and I can barely use it to half its potential...the others are improving so much, especially Kachan..I just- sometimes I can't help- but think that maybe I'm not cut out for this…”

You tilted your head in confusion, your lips pursed and eyes full of empathy.

You were so relieved to finally know what was eating at your boyfriend so much, but it hurt you to know he was fighting with such insecurities All you wanted to do was love the hell out of him right now and smother him with cuddles and kisses.

“Oh, ‘Zuku,” you sighed out, your free hand finding refuge against Midoriya’s cheek. The boy quietly nuzzled himself into your touch, his skin soft and warm against your palm. “Is that what was bothering you?”

“Yeah-I-I know, it seems silly, its just-”

“No, it doesnt,” you quickly interjected him, a reassuring smile playing on your lips. “Everybody doubts themselves sometimes, no matter how good or bad they are at what you do.

“You're still just training, you're doing everything you can to be the best, more than what most people do in their whole lifetime. Yeah, others are going to improve faster than you, and others are going to improve slower. Just focus on yourself, and your goals, and don't forget what you’ve accomplished. You done so much with yourself Izuku, more than you would ever know, just don't forget that kay?”

Izuku face light up, his expression washing with relief. He instantly buried you into a hug, his taught arms wrapping around you and squeezing you slightly. You smiled at the big softie your boyfriend was, your hands cuddling his body close to you. You felt the boy chuckle slightly, his voice sounding flustered yet more relaxed than before

“What would I do without you?”

“Probably train until you passed out,” you giggled, a smile gracing your lips, “but seriously Izuku, dont be so hard on yourself, your doing just fine,”

“Okay, I-Ill try,” he stuttered out.

Izuku held you like that for another moment, you both relishing the feeling of the other against your arms. You felt Midoriya pull your body gently away from his, his face facing yours as he placed his hands on your shoulders.

He finally looked a little less solemn, some of the weight being taken off of his shoulders..but that tell tale look of sadness was still there.

“I-I know you were looking for your notebook...but did you maybe want to- stay for a little bit?”

You felt your insides light up from warmth, a grin growing on your face.

God, why did he have to go and be so cute?

“If you want cuddles, ‘Zuku, all you have to do is ask...”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

Deku stepped into class the next day, his body almost in a trance as he sat himself down at his usual seat.

Last night was healing for him, just cuddling and having you in his arms, but reality hit him in the face the next day. Those inner demons weren’t quite destroyed, and he realized he still had to battle them, even after the night with you.

He sighed, his shoulders feeling tired as he rummaged through his backpack, pulling out his notebook.

Mind as well study as he waited for class to start…

He flipped through the first few pages, trying to find the last place he was reviewing, until he noticed something-there was new writing, unlike his own, scrawled in the empty gaps of his notes..

Izuku cocked his eyebrow, his fingers dragging against the message:

“I love how sweet you are, no matter what comes your way.”

Izuku felt his cheeks rise with heat-who wrote that?

He flipped the next page, finding another message:

“Your freckles are adorable and I’d kiss each and every one if I could.”

God, how could these make him so flustered? He felt his whole face rise in heat, beginning to recognize the handwriting as your own. He began to flip through each page, a message almost on every one, all about him:

“You are so strong.”

“I love when you get flustered.”

“Your going to accomplish your dreams and more,”

“Your hair is so cute pls dont ever change it,”

He chuckles at that last one, his digits racking through his locks. His classmates were beginning to file into class, the room becoming much louder than before.

Izuku turned around, his cheeks on fire as he hoped nobody saw him get so flustered-until his eyes met yours.

You were currently talking to Mina and Kaminari a few seats behind, your body sitting on a desk as you watched Izuku with waiting eyes.

Once he made eye contact though, he knew for certain it was you who had written the sweet notes in his notebook- your face lit up with relief, a smile gracing your lips as you sent a wink his way.

Midoriya couldn't help but let a squeak slip out of his lips, his body swiveling around quickly- god, he was too flustered around you!

Midoriya heard Aizawa enter, all his classmated quickly taking their seats and going silent.

He listened to the instruction, opening his notebook to a fresh page to write down notes...but he found himself flipping back to those few pages, rereading every message. It uplifted his spirits, made him feel loved, and he felt so lucky to have someone as caring as you love him back.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

It was now the end of class, the bell ringing daintily around the room as everyone bombarded out to the lunch hall.

You on the other hand stayed behind, walking over to Midoriya as he slowly put his books away in his bag.

“So, did you like it?” you asked, a smile in your voice as you waited for your answer.

Midoriya looked up at you, his eyes wide with gratitude and his cheeks a rosy red-

Yeah, he liked it.

MIdoriya smiled, his grin wide and child-like. “I-I loved it, y/n, thank you!” he shouted, his voice dripping with gratitude.

“God,” you giggled sheepishly, “I took me forever to find that notebook after you fell asleep…”

His hand wracked into his hair again, his bright smile turning into a nervous smile

“Honestly, I don't know if I deserved all that work, but I-I really liked it-”

“Of course you deserve it Izuku!” you quickly reached for his hand, your body moving closer to his, “You are such an amazing person-everything I wrote in there was true, and will always be true.”

Izuku looked up at you, his eyes full of love and admiration. He had never been so grateful and felt so lucky to be with someone as amazing as you.

Midoriya’s cheeks began to turn red again, his body leaning in quickly towards yours. He planted a kiss on your cheeks, his skin leaving a lasting tingle on your skin.

“You know I-I love you-right...cause I do, I really really do,”

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sukirichi · 3 years ago

Text

[ BROKEN RECORDS ; asks ]

💌 — love letter from @kyriaan

from track 007.

Okay okay im still kinda meh'ish' but i really wanted to answer you so 😭 ill try to compile both my answer to your answer on my love letter and my hyped review on track 7 <3 so yeah another long ass rant from me 😩💕Suki... Suki pls I totally forgot Tsumu had a crush on us Suki... And then poor Tsumu ir there sulking cause he still likes u- JFBFBDVDVSJCHDHSIA omfg i wanted so much to hug him my baby I like him so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and he was trying so hard to behave while just sitting there sad fhfhfvbbshsjfhbdjaofhffhsoshd TSUMU YOU'RE STILL IN MY TOP 3 BABY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

And then you throw the whole dancing scene with suna and I dont know whos on my top 3 anymore 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 SUKIIIIIIII THAT SCENE ALONE GJGJBFBSJCNFNKSOSNF OMFG IM FALLING SO HARD FOR SUNA I THINK? I think my top 3 had 4 dudes in it cause 3rd place has Suna and Atsumu tied?? Hfhfbfbfhdhsja I CANT PICK?? BUT BUT I WAS FEELING STUPIDLY DOWN WHEN READING THAT AND THAT SCENE ALONE MADE ME FEEL SO SOFT IT WAS SO CUTE AND OMG IF SUNA DID THAT TO ME I WOULD DROP ON MY KNEES AND ASK HIM TO MARRY ME CAUSE OMFGGGFFFF DUDE EVEN WENT AHEAD AND SAID THAT WHOLE 'HES GOING TO BE ONE LUCKY GUY'

Oh shit im crying again that scene lets me emotional 😭😭😭😭 someone get me a sunrin irl pls

Anyways the way that suna knows y/n is just.... FUCKING END UP TOGETHER ALREADY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST JBVSHSJBEHSISJ

Also how powerful are we?? HOW FUCKING POWERFUL ARE WE TO SCORE SUNA KITA AND TSUMU?? ARE YOU GONNA TELL. ME IF OIKAWA MOFO TOORU APPEARED HE WOULD ALSO BE ON HIS KNEES FOR US?? (okay no wait... No nooo i would legit drop anyones ass for tooru hes that powerful for me like sorry suna was fun but TOORU)

Yo nah but the whole Kita sex scene- let me breath bestie LET ME BREATH CAUSE I WAS HOT BUT AT SAME TIME I WAS FEELING GUILTY 😂😂😂😂 ESPECIALLY WHEN HE WAS FEELING DISAPPOINTED NEXT DAY LIKE KITA PLS BABY WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?? 😬😬😬😬 But at same time his 'ill fuck the thought of him out of you tonight' I ALMOST MOANED YASSSSS TELL ME DADDY HOLY SHITTTTT

👀👀👀👀 Still not a kita simp ✌️✌️🤏✌️

Okay Kita deserves the best tho I mean okay he went there as a y/n mom's plan but he did ended up helping alot... Especially cause he knows no matter what y/n heart will always be suna's and pls give Kita the best ending possible cause he deserves someone who will trully love him and show him the world cause mah boy deserves it

*breaths in breaths out* i hated this scene- not in a bad way but shit i hate rejections... To the point im kinda afraid of confessing now cause i despise the feeling of being rejected... The best i can descrive it it like this coldness in your chest that descends your whole body and then you feel frozen in place.. Thats how it feels for me I hate it I absolutely despise it- its also the feeling i have when in a really bad situation and ugh...

The suna part made. Me feel this no matter how many times i reread it the feeling doesnt lessen it keeps being there cause (okay you probably are tired already of me saying this but) Suki I feel like I cant put it in words how much of a fucking good of a writer you are. Ill go ahead and say you are by far my favorite writer the fact i always feel so engaged and the fact i always feel like im there its just- it blows my mind.

I felt like suna was personally rejecting me and i hated it- i swear the moment he said prove it I almost screamed HOW? My brain had to take a moment to just slap me and say: 'kya you reading this is not happening chill-' cause i was already sobbing uncontrollably... I even whimpered the dont leave me 😬 my sadass went to bed feeling so sad thanks to suna... Man i wanted so much to hug him and i swear i would give him as much love as he gave y/n cause well i kin suna alot in this series cause im like that im a giver i treat others the way i would like to be treated (reason why ive been down lately ✌️) and i cant blame suna for finally setting boundaries- his call tho 'do i not stand a chance with you anymore y/n? Are you really not capable of falling in love with me?".... Oh suna... We are in love with you.. We always were we're just fucking stupid 😩

Also mari pls go jump off a cliff <3 youre in need dear cause sleeping with other man just to separate suna and y/n <3 i want so much to punch her 🙂🙃

Now for the love letter part (im so sorry for this being so long ✌️)

You said that if we asked suna he woukd say that he genuinely loved mari okay... Ill go ahead and say yes he liked mari he even learned how to love her and he genuinely cared for her BUT and heres where my personal view comes in so maybe ill be biased here still for me that was just a he loves her as in he cares you also love your friends and care for them but he didnt love her- and by this I mean- he could never be fully committed for her. Yes he loved her and he felt happy with her but like track 7 proved everything he would do in the back of his mind was y/n he deeply wished Mari was her and for that he just loved Mari cause he learned how to care about her- but he never forgot who he trully was in love it. Also the happiness he experienced with Mari was pretty much the one I experienced the bliss of having someone there and that bliss also made suna turn a blind eye to all the red flags from Mari cause to him all the jealousy meant she cared and thats toxic but suna was so desperate for some sort of 'she cares' that even all the possessiveness was bliss for him... And that makes my heart clench for suna...

'suna had to put an effort for the relationship' and saddly i feel like mari didnt... Mari didnt care mari was there because she was a fangirl of suna and got lucky, the way she just discarded him so effortlessly that proved-screamed how much she loved him- she didnt. She was just possessive over him she liked the whole 'hes mine' dynamic and suna was the perfect boyfriend cause he was giving her the world... What he wanted someone to do for him.

Also yeah suna and y/n might have been spurred from them being fuck buddies but well love doesnt really have an agenda- they just clicked, understood each other and had chemistry yeah they had tons and tons of sex but feelings started not because of sex but thanks to their deep connection... Also that dsncing scene in track 7 that alone spoke for their whole relationship- that alone is enough to defend their feelings for each other- yes it might jave started just as fuck buddies but ended up in them loving each other deeply and that is enough love after all doesnt need a perfect start. It can start out of the most stupid ways.

You said life with excitement and fun wouldn't be permanent or real.. Honestly i think it could be.. Cause i mean when you love someone that deeply your life always feels exciting even with the littlest things and that the purest kind of love. Even just going for a walk at the beach would be fun for them or even staying up watching movies i believe suna and y/n would always find a way to make their lofe exciting without much effort.

Also it kinda makes me. Sad when i see some anon saying that y/n and suna relationship are toxic? It makes me. Confused maybe because I was in such extremely toxic one (girl i sweat if you search for toxic relationship my ex's face will be there as an example 🙄) that Mari to me screams toxic! Possessive, manipulative, jealous and a few more if I think closely about it while with y/n and suna they are just two idiots that are hurting each other cause they're just that: idiots one that is afraid to get hurt and the other that keeps hoping- dont get me wrong what they're doing is not healthy but i dont find it toxic honestly

Sorry for the extreme long rant 8D I tried to keep it short but you always make me so hyped to talk about your works 😩

Hfbfbfhfhfieia

[ from saeren ]

NAHHH CUZ I LOVE TSUMU SO MUCH HERE HE WAS SO PRECIOUS. I didn’t write too much about them in college but Atsumu was so cute when he crushed on YN. he was always sending her memes and cute texts like “have you eaten” “good morning” and she’d feel so awkward because she doesn’t know how to let him down easy without hurting him. either way tsumu would feel hurt. AND YES PLS HE WAS SO SAD I MEAN, HIS CRUSH AND HIS BEST FRIEND NEARLY HAD SEX RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM SO THAT’S GOING TO HURT

SUNA AND ATSUMU TIED?? tbh I loved that dancing scene bcos suna is one of my faves and I really wanna do that with him hehehhehe. NAHHH PLEASE SAME IF SUNA DANCED WITH ME AND MADE A WEDDING PLAYLIST I’D BE LIKE boy what’re u waiting for let’s get married now !! n yes he said whoever YN will choose in the future will be one lucky guy IM SOBBING RN

naur cuz. there’s something about dating your best friend. I’m not saying a boyfriend wouldn’t know you as well but there’s something different when you’re best friends first. they could literally share eye contact and have a long ass conversation just from that. their connection is different.

HAJKALA AS FOR THE POWER, BR! YN IS A VERY CHARISMATIC AND FRIENDLY PERSON !! she’s like one of those people you meet that not only are they attractive as hell, but they’re also super approachable and down to earth. that’s why she’s so popular + she’s flirty and can make a stranger feel welcome or comfortable in the first meeting. SGSHJAK I WAS ACTUALLY PLANNING TO ADD OIKAWA HERE BUT I WANNA MAKE IT MORE INARIZAKI CENTRED

the seggs scene with kita SOBSSSS he’s such a soft dom IDC he knows where the clit is, he knows how to hit it. he’s a “your pleasure first before mine” type of guy. kita is perfect, PERIODT. HE GIVES DADDY VIBES HUH AHSKAA HE’S SO SWEET YET SEXY IM IN LOVE WITH HIM ISTG IF SUNA WASN’T OUR BEST FRIEND THEN I’D RUN FOR KITA ALL THE TIME. and I agree, kita deserves the best !! and don’t worry, I actually plan on giving kita the best ending, I promise you he’ll be fine (slight spoiler there)

YESSSSS OMG I’VE BEEN REJECTED BEFORE AND THAT’S EXACTLY HOW I FELT, MY BODY WAS SO COLD AND I WAS SO CONFUSED LIKE IT MAKES YOU THINK. am I not good enough, did I do something wrong, do you not wanna give me a chance or try it out but ofc I’d never say that out loud. AND KYAAA AAAH IM YOUR FAVORITE WRITER??? NO CUZ YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY. I remember ur asks way back reckless era and you used to tell me that my writing made you picture the scenes easily and you felt you were there in that moment and I’m just so grateful thank you so much <33

NO BCOS WHEN SUNA SAID “prove it” I was like. this is it. that’s his hot boy shit moment. man’s has had enough of being thrown from one toxic relationship to another and he also deserves his good moments yknow. and you kin suna here?? BESTIE IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT, SUNA’S BEEN THROUGH A LOT HERE AHSJAKA. that’s true about suna tho !! he’s definitely affectionate + a giver. he’s happy being the one who gives most of the time but he’s a human as well, ofc he’d want to receive the same amount of love back. ALSO HIS PHONE CALLLLLL ugh tbh that part was the one that made me the saddest bcos he’s just. he wants to know if there’s really no more chance. all this time he never gave up. but he’s also tired so if yn says ‘no more’ then he’ll give up. its his way of respecting himself too ahsjaka

YOOOOO I AGREE WITH THAT. he cares for mari as a person but not 100% as a lover. but ofc he’s still thankful for how happy she made him because she was there at his worst. and that’s true, deep down suna still wishes that it was YN who’s right beside him. he will always ALWAYS want her back. he learned how to love mari in a way that was more out of mutual care but not in the way he loves YN. no that’s reserved only for YN – she will remain no 1 in his heart. AND YESSSSS the reason why suna overlooked the red flags was bcos to him, its something that was supposed to be “normal” like no perfect partner existed. he thought mari’s attitude of pushing YN away was normal, and its normal to want your partner’s best friend keep some distance but not to the point of mari’s place where she literally wants the two of them to cut each other out of their lives.

and aww I’m so happy that you realized how I wanted to portray suna and yn’s relationship. they’re….like the definition of youth in its freest form. they were fucking around and doing stupid things, but they had a connection. they had something deeper than just sexual intimacy. even if they never dated or even if YN never proposed the idea of it, they would’ve actually been still great friends. and oooh I actually don’t remember saying life with excitement and fun wouldn’t be real HAHAHAHA so I can’t comment further on that. but I think when I ‘said’ those I probably meant that it’s not always going to be all rainbows and unicorns in a relationship. there’s no such thing as a relationship that’s always happy and sweet 24/7, but ofc it can be sweet and it can be pure even with the little things <33 they just need to work on it.

hmmm tbhhhh… suna and yn are toxic in a way that they refuse to let each other go when they clearly can’t meet halfway. toxic doesn’t have to be limited in just being mari-like in which they are possessive or manipulative, because then if we’d drive deeper into yn’s personality, then she’d be stringing suna all along and that’s unfair of her. she knows suna wants more and yet she remained being friends with him, which totally isn’t a bad thing, but it’s because she keeps flirting with him and is so romantically comfortable with him that she doesn’t realize it’s hurting suna because he’ll give double meanings to that. their relationship is ‘toxic’ because they’re not entirely good for each other, they’re not that ready to be with one another yet and neither is the world letting them be in peace, so forcing their relationship to a point they’re hurting another is the toxic part.

[ from @kyriaan ]

Ah also not me feeling all proud and mushy cause my analysis made you mind blown fjfbdnsjdkpa 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I guess its also because i see this story as a really big mirror of my own toxic relationship sonits extremely easy for me to get it... And oh boy the way i kin suna here

But dhdhfjdospdhfbsoa 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i feel happy now *huggles*

[ from saeren ]

and aah yes ofc, I’m really happy whenever someone can see the underlying details I scatter throughout the story !! yeah omg same hahahaha broken records is also half inspired by the toxic people I’ve met. I kin kita here tho and I’m so glad you’re happier now !!

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #series ( broken records )#tw: toxic

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flying-elliska · 4 years ago

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i didnt rly get time to tell you this after reading chapter 8 last week but ohmygod ellie. you manage to outdo yourself every fucking time im always so blown away by your talent

god i dont even think i can reread it because seeing love portrayed the way you just did makes me cry so bad lmao (the same way i cant reread lucas' pov from diamants with all the sacrifices he made for eli)

it's always so beautiful seeing them nourish each other's souls with the love and warmth they share, and how they treat each other's feelings so delicately (lucas still not admitting to eliott about how his taste buds absolutely dont agree with eliott's and instead seeking out cuisines that'll cater to eli's tastes 🥺 also you have the best date ideas ahhh your mind)

the poetry absolutely broke me tho i teared up so bad sksks youre sickeningly romantic and it hURTS 😭😭 that scene is def in my top 5 romance literatures fr

goddd i love how all versions of Elu in your fics have different love languages and their love is still idk insurmountable(?) like they'll gladly give up everything for each other and still have so much love to give (sorry im a mESS just thinking about it)

also that cliffhanger was so satisfying thank you so much for not letting us experience their heartbreak over separating im so so glad he had the epiphany of this possibility before it was too late ahhhh IM SO HAPPY THEYRE OKAY. yk me being me and generally expecting bad outcomes to get through life, I thought eliott would be snatched away and they'd lose a few years and be reunited later somehow but ofc the pain of loss cant be undone (cause when does life ever work in your favor lol) but im so fucking glad you didn't let that happen omg

sksjsj sorry for this rambling i just wanted you to know what an absolute blessing you are to everyone who gets to read your work (honestly i even recommended this to my friend and would gladly do so to anyone cause i feel bad for whoever hasn't gotten to experience your writing it really is an indulgence 😭 and how you manage to churn out such incredible work in just dAYS?!? is beyond me fr)

also i cant help but envy ppl who have you in their lives cause like omggg this lovely and brilliant person exists amongst you !!! no but rly, this isnt just about your ideas or eloquence, i really love your tumblr (and it feels like a glimpse into your personality) and how well-rounded it is in terms of politics, activism, aesthetic, humour, lol i could go on and on.

thank you so so much for all the efforts you put into your beautiful work and posting your chaps in time (i dont get how you could think we wouldn't follow this fic past winter cause it's literally impossible to abandon your fics in between)

i hope you're doing well and hope you always remember that you're very well-loved by all of us ❤️❤️❤️

🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️ok im just gonna leave sksjd

what a sweet ask anon ^^ haha it also embarassed me a little, but in a good way ^^

the thing about the love languages is very true. i love that they’re so attentive to each other in canon, that being honest with each other is not always easy but even though they struggle, they keep trying to pay attention and to open up. I think this is so important because in romantic stories there is often the first rush of attraction, the crush, where you get an intuition of who this person is and why they would fit well with you, but if you never go beyond that, it feels like a very shallow story.

I love that with Elu there is this attraction at first sight that feels very romantic and ‘meant to be’ but the story doesn’t equate that with them immediately being completely easy or familiar with each other, they’re still strangers that have to get to know each other. and i think that love language develops at that moment, to bridge the gap between this butterflies-in-the-belly feeling of being irresistibly drawn to a stranger ; and falling in love with a person because you’re discovering who they really are - but it’s very scary, because you have to take the risk of being vulnerable and rejected and messing up. it’s like celine sciamma said, about lovers feeling like they’re inventing a new language every time. if there is not an element of that - something made of inner jokes, of unique little moments, of tentative attentions and attempts at connection, of doubt and taking risks, of learning something entirely new and specific, of making something new together - the romance generally bores me very deeply (i hate insta love for this reason, honestly.)

anyway, yes ^^ with knight AU I had thought about either making it like the movie where only Eliott goes back but like...it’s at the core of Lucas’ character that he goes after Eliott to a dark and scary place to let him know he’s not alone so that just needed to happen ^^

thank you for recommending my writing to your friend, that’s so sweet <3 haha and for your compliments, i think i’m absolutely delightful to be around at times but also frequently grumpy and cantankerous and a lil pretentious so you know ^^ it’s easy to present an idealized version of yourself on the internet. But! it’s still lovely to know that what you put out there vibes with another person so much, you know ?

anyway, big love to you, i hope you are having a lovely day and are doing ok ! <3

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spaceysp · 4 years ago

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Saying random stuff to feed into the hyperfixations; pick one of these statements to rant about because I wanna read :)) if u want,

How skeppy must feel with everyone meeting up cause BaD JUST COME ON ,

Opinions on bad planning to take skeppy to dinner and all that jazz ,

Skeppys newest video on the skep channel where bad and skeppy are surprisingly sweet to eachother (and how lately in general bad has been less angee with him) ,

Literally the whole discount skeppy situation , bad being literally in love,

Ride with U,,,,,hetero,,,,explanation,,,, anywhere?

ANONNNNN I OWE YOU MY LIFE ILY

im literally going to talk about all of these so im sorry but read more at your own risk

one: skeppy, i am so sorry a mf does this to you. but seriously, i can only think of a few reasons (that dont sound entirely made for fanfic) that bad keeps putting off meeting skeppy

1. (the most unlikely) theyve already met and they keep the bit going so the fans dont find out. i can get that they wouldnt want to tell at first because its their own business, but i seriously doubt they would wait very long to confirm it, because ppl honestly can put a lot of pressure and hype on the meetup (esp with skeppy’s “surprise”) so i think theyd release something just so everyone knew that it finally happened! they didnt lie!

2. bad just doesnt want to meet skeppy (actually nvm this is the most unlikely)

bad seems to be genuinely excited to meet skeppy, even claiming skeppys the one to keep putting it off, not him (which skeppy immediately disproved but) and saying over and over he wants to meet up with him, but always avoiding actually making plans (every single tweet about the meetup) so its clear he does want to meet skeppy eventually, which makes trying to figure out why he wont even harder

3. its not the right time/ waiting for a specific date

leading up to this, i was thinking that there was a pretty good chance theyd meet up on their anniversary, but that never happened rip. the issue is with this is that they guaranteed they would meet up before the end of the year, and at this point theres only one “event” left, but they still dont seem to have any plans to meet. if bad was waiting for the perfect time to do it, why not just tell skeppy to confirm a meetup date? it would get him (and maybe the fans, if they told them) off his back. another variant of this is that there is a set date, but they havent told the public, but again, skeppy seems to be just as much in the dark about this as everyone else

4. health issues

bads apparently been feeling pretty under the weather lately, with his arm and kidney stones, its very plausible (and reccomended, imo) that bad doesnt want to travel when hes having these problems. of course, skeppy could visit, but he could either not want to spend their time together sick or the plans they have could also be too straining. i think this is probably one of the most likely atm, go see a doctor bbh im begging you

5. bads nervous

this is also one of the more plausible to me. for whatever reason, bads just anxious about it, whether it wont be the same as talking online, or be super awkward or whatever, he could just keep putting it off for that (its still weird and kinda doesnt make sense but in a more realistic way this time)

i know i totally went off track but this brings me to my point, skeppys kinda just waiting for bads confirmation at this point, so seeing his friends have fun meeting up is probably just lowkey depressing and i could see him using it as more the reason they should meet up. really the only thing he can do in this situation(at least, as far as i can tell) is what he has been doing, annoy bad about it or he take advantage of bads jealousy and meet up with someone else. the other option is to randomly come to his house, but it doesnt seem like skeppy is gonna do that, maybe to respect his boundaries? if he was planning on it i think he wouldve done it by now

OKAY NUMBER TWO LETS GO

this kinda ties into my point in the “reasons why bad wont meet skeppy” thing, that bad seems really excited to meet him yet still wont?? its clear he really values any time spent with skeppy, but he also make sure skeppys having a good time too! that why he never does any actual work with skeppy around (i.e. building statues or gathering materials for such), he knows its boring so instead theyll wander around the server telling stupid stories or punching each other off stairs for 20 minutes. im sure itll be the same irl, he mentioned wanting to meet somewhere like a nature reserve or amusement park, probably to make sure theres never a dull moment or time wasted. dinner seems much more low-key, and i wouldnt be surprised if bad just wanted to have an excuse to try and impress him with a nice totally-platonic date

NUMbeR tHree *airhorns*

they really do be the best of friends! ive noticed that skeppys def been trying to halt arguments fairly quickly now, saying a lot to appease bad and move on, and while bad seems to like to start fights for fun, hes also been a lot more chill lately, im guessing because hes been oh-so desperately missing skeppy and big s was also in Baby mode (aka if bad disagreed with him hed probably just cry until he got his way((sand))) i think that vid just showed them being a lot more natural and happy to talk (plus bad usually is more argumentative when theyre competing, while in that vid they were either just hanging out or working towards a common goal)

n u m b e r f o u r

where to even BEGIN with discount skeppy. well, bad actually first came up this idea a few months ago, in either july or august on an idots smp stream when he crafted an ‘artificial skeppy’ in his snack shack that he could talk to whenever skeppy was gone. as we all know idots smp is now rip, but the idea of replacement skeppys remained, just this time they can talk and also ship skephalo. it actually seemed like more of puffys idea at first when she put on skeppys skin as a joke, which bad didnt like the first few times, but when she brought it up again he actually requested it (missing skeppy brainrot 🤔?) this could be either cuz bad wanted to bait some shippers so gave in or he thought it was a pretty funny bit so went along with it (or he actually missed skeppy that much.. surely not ??) either way i think we can agree puffy is not only a comedic genius but a top tier friend and slight wingman, and getting some good jealous skeppy content out of it is also top tier. in conclusion, love and appreciate discount skeppy, badboyhalo has only skeppy on his brain and his friends have to deal with that, hoes (skeppy) mad even though the whole bit is how much bbh is into him

NUMBER FIVE im really doing all of them

What, can be said, about ride with u. GODDAMN. im not tryna insinuate anything, but if someone told me that song reminded them of me i would have no choice but to marry them immediately. i really really want someone to ask bad what songs remind him of any of his other friends (dream, sapnap, george, ant, puffy, etc.) because there are three options

1. theyre just cool platonic friend songs and bad is just in love with skeppy

2. he cant think of any songs for them and bad is just In Love with skeppy

3. they have equal romantic undertones and bad is just Like That with his friends (even so i bet people would be picking out the most minute differences between the songs that make one more.. You Know than the other)

i know FOR SURe that if i was in bads position (where even the person who made the lyric video assumed they were gay in love) i wouldve curled into a ball and never made another public appearance again, but he really owned that shit, singing it and making unprompted references to it (”i already have a bonnie” YOU AINT SLICK SIR WTF)

i just wanna know if skeppys listened to it (i mean, hes surely at least heard of it, i know he wouldve seen it all over his timeline) and what he thonks about it. pls tell us big s do you also feel the love in this chilis tonight (ALSO when is someone gonna ask skeppy what song reminds him of bad. im waiting ((hed probably say something like a faster remix or something equally memey (((unless???)))

ANYWAY SORRY FOR MAKING YOU READ ALL OF THAT HOLY SHIT i dont wanna reread this to check for errors so it might be incoherent but again ty for letting me infodump about this it was super fun im in love with you anon

#tw caps

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anarchistbitch · 2 years ago

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hiiiiiiiiii, god this is a over a month late and im SO FUCKING sorry, seriously im sorry, idk why this took me so long, i kept thinking about replying and then i just didnt, again, im really sorry :(

honestly last semester ended up being a disaster, but not a major one, this one is shaping up to be better tho today i had an exam and i feel like i answered some questions somewhat confidently but others were a guessing game 🤡🥴 and i really have no one to blame but myself for it (then again initially she told us they were going to be essay questions and i THRIVE in those, but then they were content specific questions which i was not prepared for) but oh well it cant be helped now and we're allowed to retake our lowest grade at the end of the semester, now im watching sailor moon and eating a strawberry cheesecake ice cream sandwich to get rid of the ambiguity of my feelings over it sigh sigh sigh

fdjhsdfh my hands are always cold too, so it's hard to tell how i'd feel yours but the warm hug is lovely, lovely

i have not started cutie pie but it's been in my to watch list since the first episode came out cause i kept seeing tiktoks about it and it seemed really fun but agh, i havent gotten around to it, i swear i need divine inspiration to do even the things i want to do

in a better timeline benedict did join them and they lived their happy gay lives watching everyone else's drama from the comfort of their stable relationship

lmao relatable, i also left a bunch of shows abandoned bc of the aforementioned need for divine inspiration, i tried watching some middle episodes for a couple shows to like get myself hyped up to understand what was going on and all that but eh, didnt really work, and there's been a danmei draught so im laying on the floor facedown emotionally

about fire island kdjhdfh i handt heard of the place up until the movie, cant be helped, we're not form the us - i have not watched the lizzie bennet series but im adding it to my to-watch, since it's on youtube i might get around to it soon but i wont make any promises just yet sdfjhdjhf and GOD yes, the layers on the movie, i adored it really, you can see that the writers really do care about queer people and that it was written with love - Noah is FANTASTIC he's so real lmao djfjsdhfjdsh and same, when he said that i went 'oh, i see 👀' - i hope both our futures are filled with a loving community of queer people

[completely random: im watching yu-gi-oh rn bc that's what came on after sailor moon and bruh, yugi is short as fuck and i didnt remember that at all, it's also hilarious how they refer to kaiba as rich kid kaiba, it's really fucking hilarious but when i was little it kinda scared me and i can see why too]

i've been ignoring goodreads lmao and im not about to stop cause i really doubt i'll finish a single book this year, im severely blocked, i havent been reading any of the ones i've started, all i did was partially reread the raven boys bc i finally bought the physical book

homegirl does need a break but the only break to be had is my break from reading it :/ and yeah, high literature is fake, joy is the only true and trusted measuring tool

me and my friends have not gotten all together as of yet, it's hard when they have trimesters and i have semesters, our coinciding free times are only for the holidays and i go home for those but we're planning a sleepover soon to celebrate the beginning of their vacations and to cheer myself up after exam week, and one of them is coming over tomorrow so that we can try soju 😌✨

jdfhdfjshfks i'm too picky to align my foods with my favorite characters' tbh

my favorite soup is red bean soup, i must confess that i dont like many soups but i could eat this one every single day, it's so fucking good, also ik you said you'd want to make me egg drop soup, i havent tried it but the texture might be a problem for me, sorry :( but spinach and scream sounds hella good

ok so rn i cant think of bts without thinking of the fact that on the day of the heavy flood in korea namjoon posted a story about a song and with a caption somewhere along the lines of "perfect for the weather" and it was quite literally a parasite moment 🤡 but anyways, bad desicions was so damn good, and yeah, they've worked so damn hard to get to where they are that it's nice to see them have time to enjoy it

i cant fucking believe jin decided to spend his time working tho, what's going on that man's head 😭😭

i also hope other versions of us are closer to each other, i hope this reality's version of me can become better at managing her time and so can talk to you more often 😫💖

matching tattoos huh 👀💖

JDHSHDKJHSK i understand, fever is a hella good song, that's the exact emotion it invokes

mate i had no idea about holland's song 😭 i SUCK at keeping up with things, for most things i have friends in the fandom that come screaminng about news or at the very least post about it

idk if you already started the god of highschool or not but all i can say is that tho i bawled, when i watched it with a friend she didnt shed even a single tear lmao, it really depends on you

JDSGDJSGFJ it cant be helped now, you'll just have to treat yourself whenever you listen to it

anya is so important 😭😭😭😭😭😭 she is so amazing and she deserves to live as normal a life as possible but mainly it has to be a happy one

hmmm i wouldnt say that it's major plot important tbh, but it does have certain relevance for that moment so you'll see skjdhjs

i am also a sucker for cool art, i've read so many things just bc i liked the art style, and if i dont like the art style i have a harder time reading the work, which makes me get annoyed at myself tbh, it feel idk judgy ??? idk, it feels weird

i heard the live at jet studio version of every pore and holy shit, it's so damn beautiful and it felt like his voice was going directly through my chest

i really get that part about being in a weird headspace, life is so complicated at individual scale and currently there's so much going on in the world, it's like that post about how dealing with anxiety rn is so damn weird bc yes, all those fears are entirely too plausible but somehow we have to continue to push through, and burnout sucks, pretty sure ive been burntout since like early 2021 and only just now getting better bc well, to summarize, my parents expect me to graduate soon, which is absolutely not happening, which idk how to tell them and agh it's a cycle really

this is all just to say that i get how you feel, i hope you're feeling better now and if you'd like i can def come off anon so that we can talk more often [tho im not sure you DONT know who i am sgkshadkjsdg i havent really been hiding it lmao, just not being upfront about it bc im socially awkward as fuck]

sending you tons and tons and tons and toooooooons of love, hope you've had good soups and lots of rest, i hope you're hydrating yourself and interacting with lots of cats, i love you

-M<3

between us both, im pretty sure i answer asks much later than u😔 but as u said no matter if its a week or 9 months later , i'll wait for ya<3

ohh yea semester one is just wrapping up for us too and so far it has been less of a disaster than expected, and hope the exam came better than it went in!!![said this to a classmate before going for our term 1's and she gave me the saddest face ever😭😭] essay questions which are content specific are the bane of my life cause lemme tell you my examiner wrote like 10 lines with the reddest pen ever telling me what i needed to improve on while i was still reeling that i passed on that exam phew cause that many lines really make u think twice if u passed(<- wishing this on my worst enemies only).

sailor moon and ice cream sound absolutely delightful and the perfect way to heal after taking an exam [our principal literally goes through the exam hall for some reason and its. have u ever had ur heart beat like a horse?yea.]

me @ u always

[btw the number of gifs of hugs that ive saved in case u send an ask,,.ginormous]

yeeeee i stopped watching cutie pie in the middle cause my school life is a dragon that will bite if u slack off<3 capitalist ass dragon. but fr tho cutie pie is great!! the soundtracks are great too!! and oooh yea i think every ep after ep 6 are heavy on the steamy side

in a better timeline bridgerton would have not have a queer side plot that got quickly swept up under the rug and instead couldve had a storyline about bisexual benedict {im assuming cause 1) hes gives me bi vibes 2)nothing much else than that i think it'd be real neat 3)b is for bisexual and also the start of his first name and surname [:}

divine inspiration is better to not fall on me cause imma use it for evil reallll quick. watching the middle episode is a much better strategy than what i do: watch the finale and become the incarnation of the surprised pikachu meme. also insta reels made me think that "romanticizing" watching stuff would help and it kinda did before i realized that i have adhd symptoms<3 make space for me on the floor cause im laying next to u too🤗

side note: idk if u've ever done this but during summer vacations when i was younger all the women in the house after finishing up lunch would take straw mats and pillows and go to the most airiest room in the house and sleep , and its the best sleep ever. sleeping on the bare ground during summer quickest way to a 😴😴

no cause i recently reread rwarb and suddenly im seeing fire island being mentioned everywhere?? im not gonna blame anyone not studying about america/'s history not knowing american references[god bless genius annotators souls for their little notes cause half my us culture knowledge comes from fob lyrics akfhkdhfsk ]

YEs fire island was really great about how they took care of their characters, the exact scene's dialouge is fuzzy to me but the scene where noah and howie talk before howie leaves, about how theyre similar but are different and that does affect how others see them was one of the best scenes cause the actors portray it in a such an intimate way.

I HOPE QUEER PEOPLE SURROUND US AND THEY ARE LOVING AND WE'LL NEVER HAVE TO THINK TWICE ABOUT OUR SAFETY IN THE FUTURE[all caps cause we deserve it!! and its needs to be shouted from the rooftops!!]

nauurr is kaiba the emo kid from the reverse card meme😭😭😭

ive been looking sideways at goodreads dhksfhk and ive just been saving tons of insta posts about upcoming books so i can read them after my school year is over✌🏾 ive heard quite a lot about the raven boys but apparently theyre not actual ravens? L for the corvid enthusiasts👎🏾👎🏾/lh

sleepovers are fun but unfortunately id be the first to fall asleep😴

im days late but drink tons of water afterwards!!! ive heard that soju is high on alcohol content , and so eat something absorbing for the hangover like rice[ALSO! you know how in kdramas the characters are always eating congee? well i googled it to see the ingredients and its. kanji. its what i eat every weekend bro😭😭 but i do eat it cold during summer with curd and its really good for digestion too]

when i hear red beans i always think of rajma [kidney bean curry and good with naan/rice/roti],[ and ig now im gonna think of u whenever i hear red beans💜💗]

its fine if u dont like egg drop soup!! altho when i was a kid it was the soup™ i used to eat whenever we went out cause i was a picky eater lmao, spinach and cream is a good soup but my personal fav is so basic😭 i fucking love sweet corn soup man

yea no cause i genuinely forget that bts is made up of very rich ppl like 🧍‍♂️ i liked bad decisions a lot too!!

looking back at the past few years of bts' career and seeing the growth and rise in popularity of the general population , and then learning they were doing all this while also in COLLEGE and graduating with honours is. how do u say. humbling to the highest degree.like i cant imagine going to grammys and having a set career and then like having to go back to school.

kim seokjin the man that u are,,

uuughhh thinking about going on walks in parks and just TALKING WITH U

dont worry about taking ur time!!! hell can freeze over but ill still be on this app<3

matching tattoos<3 [also fr i have been thinking👁👁 of getting a tattoo of intertwined tattoos on my sternum but am very unsure of getting tattoos at all😓]

speaking of fever,dont know if ur big on insta edits but i have a ton saved just to listen to the audios on repeat

i . also forgot about it[holland's song]. need that divine intervention to make me focused .

OKAY SO I STARTED THE GOD OF HIGHSCHOOL AND I LOVE IT didnt thing i'd be crying at all but i shed a tear[locals will allege it was full on sobbing but who can say] im only halfway through so i didnt expect to be crying lol😄 anyway the fight scenes were so cool and the main character are such a great trio [also i did search it up on tumblr and im heard about a kim ilpyo👀👀]

[re: getting hungry by listening to gooey]getting pavlov'ed by a song. i have reached new lows /j

random side note#2: i think there should be an emoji for a man on his knees, not the prayer one, just in dejection like this image

anya deserves a normal , happy life with her parents like imma cry if she gets even one scratch idk[but she does love adventure so im just hoping she takes up trekking as a hobby]

cant wait to see the plot relevance of sticking your fingers down a persons throat!![hope this doesnt come off as sarcastic cause i mean it genuinely, from the bottom of my heart]

if u like cool art you should see jibaku shounen hanako kun, a friend introduced me to it and ive been lowkey obsessed with it. it has a very distinct and beautiful art style that u might enjoy!!

cant describe the effect that is listening to tamino has had on me. truly invigorating.[also his eyelashes when he was singing. just .yea]

okay SO like. if i had to take a guess on who you were, i'd have one or two that id be entirely certain of. but i never took a guess cause i wanted to respect ur privacy . but like if ur entirely okay with it, i would not mind if you came off of anon[im putting it lightly Id LOVE if u came off anon so i can add u on discord and annoy u so much💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💗💗💗💗💗💗💗]

sending you truck loads of love and reminders to be safe!!! eat lots of delicious things and hope you get time to spend a lot of time with ur friends !!!

#m for mwah! and mwah! and mwah

0 notes

kcookendrick · 6 years ago

Text

be alright

Who: Adam Levine and Anna Kendrick (anam) @hfamelevine

When: October 16th 2018/sometime in the morning till night time

Where: Annas doctors office in California and Adam&Annas home

What: Adam and Annas second attempt at IVF doesnt go well and the two dont know how to cope with it not working for the second time.

Trigger warning: mentions of failed ivf treatments and infertility issues

Trigger Warnings: drinking just in case idk?

side note: this is literally emotional af i think this is lowkey saddest thing jojo and i have written cause i reread it and cried. also its long af lol idk why im writing this side not but it took me forever to edit

Anna: It was the 16th, the date her doctor gave her to come back and find out if the IVF had worked or not. Anna was nervous, of course she was nervous. The women had every right to be nervous, but as she sat there in the room with Adam, the brunette took a breath and closed her eyes for a few moments. Anna began to chew her lips per usual when she was nervous, and a million thoughts started running through her mind. Playing with the ends of the hospital gown, she hated waiting for the results. Letting out deep breaths, Anna was getting lost within her thoughts again.

Adam: He had just gotten home, and to go right from his place of comfort at home to another IVF appointment had his mind jumbled and all over the place, that was for sure. He had barely been running on any sleep and coffee had become his best friend as of late, but he was home for good now and he wanted to be there as much as he could be for Anna. They had been able to put a rush on the rest of their IVF treatment while he was gone and finishing up the tour with the guys and Julia, and today was the appointment where they’d find out if it worked and more importantly, if Anna was pregnant. They were in their room waiting for the doctor to come in so they could get the results from the blood test that she had just taken a little over a half hour ago, and as Adam sat there he could tell that Anna was in a total different place completely right now. Letting out a small breath, he looked at her and reached out his hand. “Hey…” He whispers, “Babe…”

Anna: She knew this wasn’t hard just for her, it was hard for him too. But Anna couldn’t help but get emotional every time they come in here. It was like bad news, after bad news whenever she’d come here. Sitting there, in that hospital gown waiting for the test results, Anna’s stomach turned into knots and she licked her lips. Jumping a little but not meaning too when Adam opened his mouth to speak, she sighed “hmm..” Was all she could say at the moment

Adam: Doctors had been and always were indifferent when it came to Adam. He had just been in and out of the doctors for his throat issue and the sickness that he had caught from Anna, and even if that was different than right now was, he still didn’t have much of an opinion. There he was, holding in his feelings over the situation once again. He frowns as she jumps and then sits up a little more in the chair that he’s sitting in, his hand resting on top of hers now. “I love you.” He says, softly.

Anna: If there was anything Anna hated more, it was waiting. Waiting the last time with Aubrey was awful too, and when it came out negative Anna shut down in front of her best friend and just got out of there as soon as possible. She probably would do the same thing today if it had turned out to be negative. With Adam’s hand resting over hers, she noticed the frown and the brunette smiled softly “I love you too.” She whispered, and leaned in to kiss him. “What’s taking so long? With the stick it doesn’t take this long.” Anna whispered

Adam: He was reassured only a little bit when Anna smiled and kissed him back, but he was worried. It was a default for Adam, especially when it came to Anna. She was his everything, his future wife and hopefully, the mother of his child at some point, and he’d always be worried about her in situations like these ones. “They’re doing a blood test, babe. It takes a little bit, I think.” He says, letting out a sigh as he runs his free hand through his hair. “I’m sure they’re just…double checking everything or something.”

Anna: The brunette could tell he was worried about her, but he didn’t have to be, Anna was fine. Well she wasn’t, but Anna was trying to be. If anything, the actress was more worried about him considering he had just opened up to her about a few things regarding this a week ago. “Well this waiting is making me nervous and impatient, it makes me feel like theyre finding more things that’s wrong with me.” Anna said, laughing a little and then she looked at him

Adam: “I’m sure that’s not the case, babe…” He stops for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts about the situation to answer her again. His mouth even opens to do so, but the door to their room is opening too so his mouth instead, stays closed. “Hi, Anna, Adam. How are you today?” Adam flashes a smile in the doctor’s direction and answers with a quiet “Good, thank you” before her attention is back on Anna. “How are you feeling, Anna?” She asks, grabbing a clipboard to put down the folder that she had in her arms.

Anna: Listening to him talk, Anna couldn’t help but sigh. The women was tired, and Anna just didn’t want to be here right now. Letting out a breath, when Adam began to talk again but didn’t the brunette looked over as her doctor walked in. Pushing her hair back behind her ears, Anna sat up straight and she shook her head “I’m fine, thank you.” She watched as her doctor clenched the clipboard and folder in her arms.

Adam: The way that today had felt to him, it was weird. It wasn’t like the first time that they’d come in for their IVF appointment, but the vibe was weird and as he looked over at Anna every few moments, he could tell that she felt the same way about the issue. Clearing her throat, the doctor nods her head. “Well, glad to hear it. I have your blood test results.” She says, opening the folder then and glancing down at the clipboard where the information sat.

Anna: She was actually really happy that Adam was with her this time, Anna now realized on how stupid it was not to tell him about the first appointment. Starting to fidget with her fingers, Anna stopped and then held her arms for comfort like she always did. When her doctor mentioned the blood test results, Anna could tell by the sound of her voice that it wasn’t good. She looked at Adam, but then looked back at her doctor waiting for an answer.

Adam: Adam isn’t showing it, but he’s completely and utterly nervous. This had been the first time that he was with Anna to find out if she was pregnant or not after the first appointment fiasco, and he had hoped that it would go in their favor. However, the doctor’s tone of voice was completely different and he could feel himself starting to frown again as she began to speak. “So, your procedure went well. There was no complications with anything this time around, since I know that was something that came up last time. Everything looked great.” She clears her throat. “Unfortunately, I’m…I’m sorry to tell you that you’re not pregnant.”

Anna: Anna didn’t know weather or not to stay, or blot and that thought had been running around in her head ever since she got here. Taking a breath, the 33 year old listened to her doctor speak. She nodded her head, at the first few words and then got choked up at her last. She looked at Adam again, and then at her doctor and Anna felt the big lump just form in her throat. “I..,” Not knowing what to say, Anna chewed her lips “I’m not.” She said quietly to Adam, and then started to look for her clothes. Now all she just wanted to do was bolt and get out of there.

Adam: There it was. The words that Adam just didn’t not want to hear today. He had hoped for the last couple of days leading up to their appointment today that something would be different and that they would have some sort of a better luck, but their doctor had taken that away from him. Staying silent for a moment, Adam clears his throat and looks at Anna, while the doctor is speaking up again. “I’m very sorry, Ms Kendrick. We wanted you to know that there were no complications this time around, everything went smoothly and there was nothing to worry about. It just wasn’t a possibility this time.” She frowned, “We can set up another appointment, if you’d like.”

Anna: When Adam cleared his throat, the brunette took a breath. She felt water form in her eyes and Anna was not about to brake down in front of her doctor. Taking a breath, Anna chewed on her lips and listened to her doctor talk. The actress swallowed hard and finally opened her mouth to speak “I don’t…” Not knowing exactly what to say, since Anna now realized that maybe IVF wasn’t the best choice the brunette looked at Adam and she then looked at her Doctor “Can we have a minute please? I just… it didn’t work the last time. I’m just…”

Adam: The doctor nods, and it’s from a standpoint of understanding so she doesn’t say anything else about another appointment in that moment. “Of course, everything is all set up for you to check out when you’re ready to, just let the receptionist know if another appointment is what you’d like to do. Have a good day.” She smiles in the directions of both Adam and Anna, and Adam silently thanks her before she leaves the room. As soon as the door shuts, Adam’s emotions take him over and he gets right up from the chair that he’s sitting in. “Let’s go.”

Anna: When her doctor left the room, Anna took another breath and began to put her clothes back on. She was upset, of course she was upset. This was the second time the IVF didnt work. Sighing, she heard Adams voice and Anna just looked at him “I’m sorry.” Anna whispered and closed her eyes for a few moments, the brunette could feel the tears falling down her face. “I’m sorry.”

Adam: It was only the second or third or so time that Anna was witnessing Adam’s emotions. He was never one to put them out there, but this was the second time that the IVF process didn’t work and he didn’t know if he even wanted to consider trying a third time. As he watches her put her clothes back on, Adam shook his head at her repeated and attempted apologies. “Don’t. Let’s just go.”

Anna: “Adam.” Was all she could say with her voice all choked up, the brunette shook her head and tears fell down her face. “I don’t… I don’t know why it didn’t work. We didn’t drink and I took all the medicine and shots and I..” Stopping herself Anna from saying anything more, the women chewed her lips and finished getting dressed “Do you want to continue with IVF or no?”

Adam: He doesn’t say anything as she speaks and is becoming increasingly impatient as she continues and soon enough, finishes getting dressed. There was nothing for him to say and it felt like they had put a rush on this last process for them, for nothing. However, when she asks if he wants to continue with the IVF treatments anyway, he suddenly looks at her, frown settled on his face. “Why?” He asked, voice cracking. “Why? So it doesn’t fucking work?”

Anna: At his reaction to her question, now Anna didnt know if having Adam here with her was a goodnight idea or not. The last thing she wanted was to brake down in front of him and fight. She’s done that enough times. Taking a few breaths, Anna pulls her hair back into a low pony tail and grabs her bag from the chair. When he turns his head, Anna goes quiet “Why are you snapping at me?” She questioned, Anna knew he wasn’t really snapping but she wasn’t in the mood to fight “I’m sorry that it didn’t fucking work. I told you that it wasn’t going to fucking work” She was upset and Anna didn’t know how to handle her emotions right now

Adam: Adam stares at Anna and doesn’t say anything out of anger. He knew that if he did say something, it would be words that he didn’t mean and they didn’t need to fight in the middle of a doctor’s office right now. Grabbing his phone, Adam opens the door to their room and heads outside and down the hall to where she’s supposed to check out, biting down hard on his lower lip to try and hide the fact that tears were starting to well up and fill up in his eyes.

Anna: Anna was getting frustrated, and she didn’t want to take that out on Adam. Trying not to get all emotional right now, the women let out a shaky breath and pushed the strains of hair out of her face. Anna had then bit down hard on her tongue and followed him. Checking out, she decided to make the appointment but looked at Adam “I’m making another appointment, okay?” She questioned, maybe they needed to just keep trying. “Right now it’s an appointment for a check up not for the IVF.” Was all she could say

Adam: “I’ll be at the car.” The words come out choked and he feels bad for not staying there until Anna is done checking out, but Adam severely needed air right now. He left the doctors office and made his way outside, down to his car before climbing in and starting it. Slamming the door, he clears his throat and finally lets the tears fall down his face.

Anna: When he left, Anna looked at the secretary as she noticed the older women had a worried a face on her look. Bitting down harder on her tongue, Anna continued making the follow up appointment and thanked the secretary. As she was walking outside, Anna got to the car and bit down hard on the inside of her cheeks this time. Opening the door, Anna gets in and realized that Adam was crying. She turned to face him, and the brunette pressed her forehead against his “Im sorry.” Anna whispered and repeated “I’m sorry.” This time all choked up, now with tears falling down from her own eyes.

Adam: Adam was lost in his thoughts when Anna had finally come back out to the car after finishing up inside the doctors office. Before she had come out, he didn’t even realize that a sob or two had left his throat and tears were still falling down his face, but he was pulled from his thoughts when Anna got into the car and looked at him. He stared back at her, then shook his head. “Stop,” He says, his voice cracking.

Anna: With her lips quivering, Anna sat back in the seat and she starred out the window for a few moments. Tears were falling down her face silently, and Anna just didn’t know what do do or say right now. She wasn’t pregnant, and sure it wasn’t her fault but it felt like it and all Anna wanted to say was sorry, but he told her to stop and that bothered her. Taking a breath, Anna stayed silent for a few more moments “I just.., if everything went well during the procedure then why am I not pregnant?” She asked, more so to herself than to Adam.

Adam: “I’m not a doctor. Don’t ask me.” The words come out snappy, and he doesn’t realize it until a few moments later after having stayed silent. Clearing his throat, he forcefully and quickly runs his hand underneath his eyes to get rid of the residual tears that he had there and began to pull out of the doctors office parking lot.

Anna: When he snaps at her, Anna just looked at him and then swallowed hard. Tears continued to fall down her face when he began to drive home, Anna stayed silent for the rest of the car ride but continued to look out the window. This wasn’t working, the whole making a baby thing wasn’t working and Anna didn’t know how to deal with it not working anymore. Once arriving home, the brunette let out a sigh as they parked in the garage. Walking into the home, the women turned around and looked at him “I’m kind of tired, so I think I’m gonna go back to bed.” It was still morning time, more like the afternoon but Anna just didn’t want to deal with this anymore.

Adam: Adam didn’t know what else to do and he had promised Anna that they could look into adoption if this second round of IVF hadn’t worked for them. Well. Here they were, the second round hadn’t worked and he had to wonder if it was best to even try again or if they should consider really looking into adoption. As they returned home, Adam was exhausted and was still trying to pull himself out of his own mood. Putting his things down on the table in the living room, he doesn’t say anything to Anna and then plops down on the couch.

Anna: Anna was mentally, and physically exhausted from trying to get pregnant. She didn’t know if she wanted to continue with IVF, maybe she should look into a surrogate or really, really consider adoption. As Anna walked up the stairs, she walked into their bedroom and into the bathroom. Taking a breath, Anna looked into the mirror for a moment. She placed her hand on her stomach, and didn’t realize a few loud sobs had fell from her mouth until her hands were covering her face. Anna couldn’t stop crying, and as a few more sobs escaped Anna took a few breaths to try to calm herself down.

Adam: Fuck. Adam could hear the sobbing coming from upstairs and part of him had just wanted to get up and go and comfort Anna. However, the other part of him had wanted to just stay right there where he was but he knew that he couldn’t. Getting up from the couch, Adam made his way up the stairs and down the hall to his and Anna’s room. Walking into the bathroom, he looked at her for a few moments even though her hands were covering her face, and that’s when he began to frown. “…Babe…” He says with a sigh.

Anna: Putting her hand on her hips, Anna continued to cry and she just couldn’t stop. The women was getting frustrated now, becuase she couldn’t tell if she was angry or upset or both. Placing her hands on the counter, Anna rested her head there for a few moments and just let out a few more sobs. She jumped a little when she heard Adam’s voice. Staying in that position for the time being, Anna swallowed hard and then stood up. Turning to face him, Anna didn’t know what to say. She walked past him, and into their closet so she could change. Standing in there, Anna starred at her clothes for a few moments and then turned to face Adam once more.

Adam: Letting out a heavy breath, Adam supposed that he deserved that. He spent a huge majority of their ride home from the doctors ignoring her, as well as doing the same thing when they had gotten home. Walking back into their room from the bathroom, Adam pulled his shoes off, put his phone and wallet down on his bedside table and then sat down on the edge of the bed. Staring at Anna, he watches as she looks at him. “…Wanna talk about it?”

Anna: “There’s nothing to talk about Adam, I’m not pregnant.” Anna said quickly, and watched as he put his phone and wallet on the bedside table. Chewing her lips, Anna folded her arms across her chest and the actress stood there for a few moments. Her eyes were heavy but dry from crying, and now her throat and head was hurting her again.

Adam: The words cut him like a knife, his eyes squeezed closed and he looked away from her. He was hoping to talk more about the appointment and the doctors in general rather than just her not being pregnant, but he didn’t want to push the issue. Clearing his throat, Adam coughs and covers his mouth before getting comfortable on the bed.

Anna: Anna didn’t want to talk, at least not now. All the women wanted to do was go back to sleep, and as Anna walked into the closet again she grabbed a pair of pajamas and started to change with him sitting there. Once getting into her pjs, she found socks and one of his hoodies and put it on. Rubbing her face, Anna took a breath and walked over towards their bed.

Adam: Adam sat where he was for a few moments, but eventually got up to change himself. Running his hand through his hair, he maneuvered his way around their closet too and changed into a pair of black shorts and a white tank top, taking his socks off so that he was barefoot. It was obvious where he was going, but Anna didn’t say anything to him as she changed so he did the same thing. He cleared his throat one more time, rubbed his eyes of the remaining tears and then left the room to head downstairs to the basement where their new home gym was.

Anna: Anna knew exactly where he was going, watching him change Anna laid down on the bed and watched him walk out. Taking a few breaths, a few more tears fell down her face and Anna swallowed hard. Sitting up, the women didn’t want to sleep anymore. Walking out of her bedroom, and down the stairs Anna grabbed herself a water bottle and headed for the basement.

Adam: As he made his way into the basement, Adam grabbed his boxing gloves and pulled them into his hands. Staring at the bag in front of him a few moments later, he lets out a small breath, closes his eyes for a few moments, and starts hitting the bag. It only takes him a few seconds before his hits become harder and harder, and the bag is flying back and forth because of the blows from him.

Anna: While walking through the basement to his spot, Anna stubs her toe on one of Dusty’s toys and she shakes her head in frustration. Taking a breath, Anna walked over to where Adam was and stood next to him “There’s nothing to talk about Adam, I’m not pregnant and you don’t want to try with the IVF again.” She said, and watched as he hit the punching bag harder and harder.

Adam: “Right—sorry. Forget I tried to be a supportive…fiancé.” His breath was heavy because of the force of the blows, and they aren’t stopping anytime soon. His thoughts are flashing to the last time Anna had done this back at his old place in L.A, but his eyes don’t move from the punching bag this time like they had done the previous time. “Move,” He breaths again, heavily. “Get out of the way.”

Anna: Folding her arms across her chest, Anna glared at him “What are you talking about?” She questioned, and took a breath “Adam, I asked if you wanted me to make another appointment and you fucking snapped at me.” She said, and then watched as his breathing became heavier and heavier. When he told her to move, and get out of the way Anna glared at him again “No.”

Adam: “I asked if you wanted to talk about it, you ignored me. I forgot we’re twelve.” Adam snaps back. Not listening to her any further, the blows to the punching bag become so hard that Adam is now irritated that Anna isn’t moving out of the way. One of them even comes to close to hitting her from its drawback, and he lets out a heavy groan, irritated as he pulls the gloves off of his hands. “Fuck!” He shouted. “I told you not to fucking do that!”

Anna: “Talk about what? How I’m the fucking reason the stupid IVF isn’t fucking working?” She questioned, and then shook her head then realized that he almost hit her. “Stop fucking yelling at me. I’m not in the fucking mood for this.”

Adam: “I just almost /fucking/ hit you.” Adam says back, tone in his voice angry as he stares at her. “I keep telling you not to stand in the way of the bag, and you keep doing it. Can you just fucking listen to me for once so it doesn’t fucking hit you? Shit.” He shakes his head, breathing heavily now as he throws the gloves off to the side and leans down, letting out a heavy breath.

Anna: With his change of tone, Anna took a breath and didn’t understand what he was angry about. It wasn’t his fault that she wasn’t pregnant. Taking a breath, Anna just listens to him and shakes her head “What are you so annoyed about? You’re not the reason the fucking ivf didn’t work Adam.” She said, and watched as he was starting to breath heavily now.

Adam: “Am I not allowed to be annoyed about it now?” He asks back, tilting his eyebrow in her direction. He shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair, then grabs the gloves again and gets back up. “Stay out of the way.”

Anna: Holding onto the punching bag now so he wouldn’t box, Anna looked at him for a few moments. “I’m not going to get pregnant by sex clearly, so we need to seriously think about adoption. I’ll talk to my doctor about it when the follow up happens, okay?” Anna questioned, and continued to hold onto the punching bag.

Adam: Just as Adam is about to start hitting the punching bag again, Anna is suddenly holding onto it. He glares at her, no expression on his face and her words seemingly go in one ear and out the other. “Move,” He says.

Anna: With the punching bag being bigger than her, Anna looked at Adam as he glared at her “Stop being a fucking asshole for one minute. It’s not your fault on why I’m not pregnant, it’s mine and if you don’t want to look into adoption then I don’t know what else to do since IVF clearly isn’t working either. If you still want this with me, then please just come with me so we can talk to her about the whole adoption process.” Anna said, being serious now.

Adam: “I’m not being an asshole!” He snaps back. Pulling the boxing gloves off of his hands and pushes them aside again, he stares at her. “You know, you can go off and give me the silent treatment and do what you need to do to get through a situation like this, but because my only fucking way to deal with it is boxing—you won’t let me?” He’s taken back at the fact, then grabs the pair of socks and shoes that he had left down there from before their appointment to put them on.

Anna: Finally letting go of the punching bag, Anna takes a breath. When he snaps, and stares at her Anna couldn’t help but let the tears form in her eyes again “I’m not letting you, becuase you’re not fucking listening to me about the whole adoption thing. I’m being serious Adam, I’m not going to get pregnant anytime soon it looks like, so this is my second option.” Anna said, taking a breath and then watched as he grabbed a par of socks and shoes.

Adam: “I don’t need to fucking listen!” He’s attempting to drown out the rest of the words, and his anger is causing him to continue to breathe heavily even if he wasn’t hitting the punching bag. He could feel himself breaking down, but this had been another instance where he felt he couldn’t do it in front of Anna. Lacing his shoes to tie them and finally standing up, he heads for the backdoor of their basement. “Don’t come after me, Anna. I mean it.”

Anna: This isn’t what she wanted, Anna didn’t want them to be constantly fighting about this. She told Patsy, she told Patsy that she was afraid this is what would eventually brake them up and that it would all be her fault, and right now Anna was scared. Taking a breath, Anna watched as he walked out the backdoor and the brunette just stood there. Tears were filling up in her eyes again, and Anna walked upstairs. It was a good thing that Dusty wasn’t here right now. Heading back into their bedroom, Anna laid down in bed and just cried until she felt her eyes getting tired.

Adam: After walking out the back door, Adam grabbed one of his motorcycle helmets and strapped it onto his head, but he just stood there for a moment. Letting out a heavy breath, he could feel tears welling in his eyes as he pulled the keys out of his shorts pocket and pulled one of his bikes forward out of the back garage and onto the pavement. Climbing onto it, he started the bike and placed his hands on the handles, revving the engine heavily.

Anna: As she laid there, with her eyes almost closed she felt tears falling from then now as Anna heard the sound of his motorcycle. After the brunette asked him not to ride it, there he was riding it. The women couldn’t stop him, he was a grown man and could do whatever he wanted but now Anna was just even more upset and mad.

Adam: He had truthfully lost track of how long that he had been gone once he pulled the bike out of their yard. Between simply just riding around, getting food by himself, stopping at his mom’s place and simply just riding around again a second time, it had to have been a couple of hours at least. When he finally pulls back into the yard, he pulls the bike into the garage and turns it off. Taking his helmet off as he puts it away in the garage, Adam is back down in the basement, his shoes are off and moved to the side like he had just previously done so with his motorcycle helmet, and he finally headed back upstairs to find Anna. “I’m home,” Is all that he calls out, turning the corner to walk into the living room.

Anna: Anna finally passed out from crying, and she didn’t realize what time it was until the women heard the motorcycle in their driveway again. Waking up, she looked over towards their clock and realized it as 3:00pm. Anna was mentally, and physicall exhuasted from this morning. She wanted to take a shower, but hearing the movement from downstairs, and hearing the sound of Adam ’s voice, the brunette sighed and didn’t say anything. She laid in bed not wanting to move, Anna just didn’t even want to do anything for the rest of the day and she really didn’t even want to talk about this anymore. Closing her eyes again, Anna wasn’t going back to sleep but she was resting them.

Adam: Anna wasn’t in the living room, and Adam had only assumed that she was upstairs. He didn’t know if he was ready to face her over this yet, considering he spent most of his time just now at his mother’s place, breaking down over the fact that once again, the IVF didn’t work and Anna wasn’t pregnant. Heading up the stairs, Adam walked into their bedroom, pulling his shirt off to gather things to take a shower himself.

Anna: Hearing the bedroom door open, Anna woke up again but still laid there. Taking a breath, she watched as he took of his shirt “Hi.” Was all she could say, and then cleared her throat “How was, how was your ride?” Anna asked quietly, and chewed her lips “Where’d you go?”

Adam: “Fine.” He says, shaking his head. Grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a new black tank top, he didn’t say anything else and walked into the bathroom instead. Putting his things down, he reached into the shower to turn the water on.

Anna: Anna couldn’t tell if he was upset with her, or the situation. Taking a breath, the brunette sat up in bed and checked her phone for a few moments. The women heard the shower turn on, and Anna walked toward the bathroom. Standing in the door frame, she folded her arms across her chest and sighed “Adam.., please talk to me. Please don’t.., please don’t push me away okay..”

Adam: “Why should I talk to you? You know, maybe Aubrey is right after all.” He snaps, but it’s not intentionally. However, she /was/ right. They couldn’t talk to each other about this without making one another upset, and the whole thing had bothered Adam more than he could even explain. Clearing his throat, Adam grabbed a towel and put it on the counter with his things before taking his shorts and boxers off to step into the shower.

Anna: Getting all choked up now, Anna closed her eyes when he snapped again. Maybe she should just leave him be for the rest of the day. Taking a breath, Anna watched him move around in the bathroom without saying anything. Opening her mouth to speak now, Anna got all choked up “Talk to me…,please” Anna begged, she knew that before she didn’t want to talk but figured now was the time.

Adam: “No. I’m not in the mood.” Adam says. He shakes his head and finally opens the shower door to step in, closing it behind him. As the stream of water starts to fall over him, Adam is silent for a few moments, letting out a heavy breath as he runs his hands through his hair.

Anna: Shaking her head to herself as he stepped into the shower, Anna walked downstairs and into the kitchen. Getting a thing of wine, and a wine glass, Anna poured herself one which probably wasn’t a good idea but at this point Anna didn’t care. He wasn’t going to talk to her, and she wasn’t going to force him. Anna sat on the couch, her keens pulled up to her chest and she downed that glass of wine.

Adam: It had been about fifteen minutes, but after finally calming down in the shower, Adam finished up in the bathroom. He got cleaned up and changed into the new pair of boxers and sweatpants that he had, as well as the new black tank top he grabbed from his dresser. After he cleaned up the dirty clothes and took a breath of his own, he went downstairs. While making his way to the kitchen, he spotted the wine glass on the living room table out of the corner of his eye. Staring at it, he stopped and then his eyes moved up to stare at Anna. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Anna: Hearing him come down the stairs, Anna sat on the couch holding her knees up to her chest. Hearing him talk, Anna looked a him and shook her head “I’m allowed to have one glass of wine Adam.” She said, trying not to get upset anymore. Taking a breath, a million thoughts went into her head again and Anna was staring into space. “Are you going to talk to me, or are you going to ignore me for the rest of the day?” Anna questioned

Adam: “We just fucking got home from the appointment a few hours ago!” He snapped once more. He knew that potentially it wasn’t a bad thing, but the fact that she had done it after finally getting used to the effects of all the medicines that she had to take for the procedure bothered him. Staring at her again, he shook his head. “I don’t wanna talk to you. Talk to your wine.” He mumbles.

Anna: As he snaps at her again, Anna sat up straighter and looked at him. She was tired of him snapping at her, and not talking to her instead. Maybe Aubrey was right, maybe they did need to go see a therapist. Taking a breath, Anna got choked up and shook her head “You’re pissed of I get it, you’re angry and so am I. It’s my fault though okay? I’m sorry. I’m fucking sorry that I can’t give us what we want, and if, if you still want this with me then please …. , please think about looking into adoption with me because I don’t know if I can do another round of IVF if it isn’t going to work.”

Adam: “Stop!” Adam says. “What don’t you get about me saying I don’t wanna talk to you? I don’t wanna talk to you, I don’t wanna talk about this. Just leave it the fuck alone. You’re not pregnant, you said it yourself. Just fucking stop.” He turns his back to continue to make his way into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

Anna: Anna sits there, and she feels the tears filling up in her eyes again. When he walks into the kitchen, Anna walks back upstairs and changes into jeans and a t-shirt. Grabbing her sweatshirt, Anna comes down stairs and walks into the kitchen. “I’m gonna see if I can stay at Rebels tonight, I can’t.. if you won’t talk to me then I can’t..” Stopping herself, Anna bit down hard on her tongue and she felt the tears fall down her face. Shaking her head, Anna swallowed hard and looked at him “I just.., maybe you need a night to yourself.”

Adam: “Great. Run away.” Adam says, shaking his head once more. His tone of voice is hoarse, because he doesn’t want her to leave but he’s finding it hard to figure out the words to say to her about this. He opens the fridge and stands in front of it, hiding the fact that tears were filling up in his eyes. “Do whatever you want…”

Anna: She’s standing there hoping he’d turn around, and say something else. Hoping he’d tell her not to go, to stay home. When he tells her to run away, Anna’s lips were quivering and she pushed her hair back behind her ears “I don’t know what else to do. You won’t talk to me. You don’t want to talk to me.”

Adam: With the intention of only coming into the kitchen for a water, the tears in Adam’s eyes are steadily falling down his face now as he closes the fridge and has a bottle of beer in his hand instead. Using the bottle opener to open it, he shakes his head and walks past her. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

Anna: “So then maybe we should just.., ” Stopping herself, she noticed the beer in his hand and Anna shook her head. “Maybe we should just be apart tonight, because if you can’t talk to me about this, tell me how you’re feeling about this, about me then we should just be alone tonight.” Anna said, not really wanting that. The brunette just wanted him to hold her, and tell her that everything will be okay and that it wasn’t her fault. Chewing her lips, she stood there and now held her arms

Adam: Swinging down a majority of the beer already as he sits down on the couch, the tears are still falling down his face. Placing the bottle on the table, his emotions are finally catching up with him and Anna’s words are just now slicing through him the way that he didn’t want them to. “Everyone leaves me—so I don’t see why this is any different.” He mutters.

Anna: Following him into the living room, she sits down on the couch next to him and watches him take a swing at the beer. Shaking her head at his words, she sees the tears falling down her face and Anna scoots in closer to him. “Adam I love you, more than anything. I’m not going to leave you.., you just won’t talk to me and I don’t know what to do.” Anna whispers, all choked up and then looked at him with tears in her eyes still “If you hate me I get it, if you hate me because of this I get it. I…, I’m having trouble giving us what we want and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Anna said, now holding his face, she kissed him softly and pressed her forehead against his “I’m sorry. ” She whispered, it wasn’t her fault but back in her mind Anna still thinks that it is.

Adam: “I don’t wanna talk about it…” Finally, for the second time that day but for the first time in front of Anna, sob after sob falls from Adam’s mouth as he looks away from her and down at his lap, shaking his head. “I don’t hate you. I just…I just don’t understand why nothing is working…”

Anna: As Anna held his face in her hands, she heard him sobbing and Anna kissed his cheek and cried with him “I know I’m sorry. I don’t know either. I know it’s because of me, and because of my hostile vagina.” Anna said, trying not to joke but continued to kiss his cheek. “I’m sorry.” She whispered once more, and then continued to cry with him.

Adam: “I don’t hate you. Don’t ever say that again…” Adam says, shaking his head as tears continue to fall down his face. “I’m in love with you. If you think this is gonna make me hate you, then you’re…you’re wrong.” He shakes his head, frowning as she kisses his cheek and he continues to cry. “We…we’ve tried everything…”

Anna: Anna’s eyes were just filled with water, she held onto him and let him talk. Kissing him softly now, Anna buries her face into his neck and cries softly ‘I’m in love with you too, and I’m sorry.“ Anna whispered again, and took a breath "I know” She said, all choked up “I wanna have babies with you, I want a family but if we can’t do that through sex and IVF then maybe.., maybe adoption or through a surrogate Adam.” She said one more time, and then looked at him “Unless, unless you want to give IVF one last try…”

Adam: As she keeps apologizing to him, Adam can’t help but to continue letting sobs fall from his throat. He didn’t want to hear her keep apologizing, because even though she had continued to say that it was her fault, it wasn’t. He looks away from her and down at his lap, sniffling after he kisses her back. He brings his hand up to rub at his eyes, then shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know,” He whispers.

Anna: Anna looked at him, she looked at him because she knew he wasn’t 100% on the whole adoption thing. Taking a breath, Anna wiped her eyes and swallowed hard. She was mentally exhausted today, sleeping didn’t help. Chewing her lips, Anna held his face and kissed him deeply “I love you” She whispered, and kissed him once more. Cuddling with him now, Anna rested her head on his shoulder and played with his hands.

Adam: Adam had never had to think about adoption. While he understood the prospect of it and completely adored what it did for kids who didn’t have families, he just didn’t know why he wasn’t completely on board to try looking into it with Anna. As he sat there on the couch and kissed her back both times, he sighs. “I love you too.” For a moment he looks between her and the bottle of beer on the table, and then reaches for it. “I think you had the right idea.”

#&*para's #&**be alright #&*adam levine #&*anam #{cause i got issues;you got em too}#{fucked around and got attached to you}#{i like me better when im with you}#{come back to me; always}#tw: drinking #tw: failed ivf #tw: infertility

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the-keionbu · 7 years ago

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YEAH SO no to be melodramatic but i like, never really wanted to make this post

like, in the past when i kinda just... disappear from here for a few weeks, to months, i never give any warning and that kinda sucks cause you’re (probably not) left wondering “what happened to keionbu/kim???”

basically, I’m gonna go on like, temporary/semi hiatus

a few months ago i announced I had gotten a job with a pretyt dang well known company and it has been beyond my wildest dreams that i didnt even realize i had. and F IN ALLY, i’ll be starting right after this weekend after i make the trek to move to my job

now, this is only gonna last a few months, but i know my social media patterns on here: if i’m busy with life, tumblr is the first social media i kinda stop with.

and it pains me to say this, but especially this blog in particular

I enjoy hopping on here every once in a while to see my gaming or anime trash, or see some good ol memes, but my relationship with this blog has just been... not great lately

if it isnt already so blatantly obvious, I find posting Good Content for this blog not as much fun anymore.

I STILL LOVE K-ON, dont mistake that. This series always and will forever hold a special place in my heart, and I will still fight and stand by that I honestly think this is legitimately a masterpiece of an anime.

HOWEVER, the “standard” that i hold myself here, and a sort of nonexistent or maybe it is kinda exsistent pressure to serve up “quality content” and posts of analysis, headcanons, fics, or even general yelling has made this blog feel more like a chore than a hobby

which, kinda of sucks

And you might say “What pressure???”

I mean, I basically just yell about fictional lesbians, and lately I post about how hot I think I am, but I suppose like Ritsu, I don’t like “letting people down” or failing. And not thaat numbers really like, matter, on this site, or at least they shouldn’t, but trust me, when that number gets pretty hefty into the couple thousands, the perspective of that to please these people that deem me worthy of a follow can be kinda daunting.

Yes, blogging should be fun, and yes, I love talking about these girls, but it sucks that I feel like my motivation for making posts this past year has been “make something good” rather than “make something you love.”

which, conceptually, sounds easy.

But when I boot up Google Docs and try to put one sentence down, or even get whole paragraphs, only to reread it and not be satisfied, the concept is much harder to practice.

AND TYING IT INTO WORK, I HAVE A POINT FOR TTHIS HIATUS

I know when I get home from work, I’m going to want to do stuff that is relaxing to me, that helps me recharge for the next day. And that could be a range of things: talking with friends, playing games, eating, running, destressing on tumblr, whatever.

The last thing I would want to do when I come home from work, is to do more ‘work.’

I say is jokingly, but I hate this site.

Not because of the people, not because of staff, not because of how toxic this site is. Those are all factors that contribute bits and pieces into it, but what it comes down to it is that I at one point started associating this site, and this blog, to just producing content.

My relationship with this site wasn’t to have some good laughs and reblog stuff and have fun indulging in my trash animes here with friends. It had turned into: what content do I need to produce today? It turned into my own version of ‘work.’ whether it be reblogging stuff for the girls, replying to messages, starting conversations, pulling trash headcanons out of my BUTT. my motivation was very forced, and it was not fun.

like, i even downloaded the xkit thing to change your dashboard backgroud bc the tumblr blue honestly felt suffocating like look????

(its disneyland bc im a nerd)

And my prideful self just... neveer wanted to make a post about how honestly burnt out I am in blogging.

I say numbers never matter but I crap you not, when you get that count up, it feels GOOD. And I know announcing a hiatus and basically saying I’m not sure what I’m doing on here anymore is a Big Risk of losing some of you guys

Not because of that number, but because im a dang people pleaser I feel like I failed that person?? YEAH I KNOW IRRATIONAL BUT WHATRE YOU GONNA DO

This is much longer and less structred than I hoped, but whatever. It needed to get off my chest and be said, whoever ineloquently it came out.

I WILL BE BACK. I want to come back.

I want to fall back in love with K-ON

I love K-ON, I will always love K-ON, but I have come to the harsh realization that I’m not IN LOVE with it anymore. My passion for it has deflated, and thats sad.

These girls mean so much to me, but I want to come back naturally, after falling back in love with each of them, and I can’t put a timestamp on it, but I know it will happen.

I may pop in here and there, but for now, See Ya’ll Later !

** also ps: i love talking to people on here, any above I say replying to messages is ‘work,’ but things that have geuninely helped me stay here is the people. Those that have encouraged me, that check up on me, that just want to be friends. And I whole heartedly appreciate and love each and every one of you, and lowkey sorry for letting yal down, BUT I WILL BE BACKKK (still, hit me up tho lol)

#in the meantime theres so many good blogs out there rn!!!#i may make a highlight post but for now i'm gonna take my vacation #and like #if by chance anyone actually needs me or wants to talk #hit me up and i MAY give out my other social media if anyone so cares #i talk kinda meloramatically but the message is the same

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sadrien · 7 years ago

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goodbyes & hellos

on ao3

im so so so late but hey this is for first day of prompt week for @thinkoutsidethelovesquare!!!! day one: wrong number

this was a lot of fun tbh and ive been dying to write this ship. alyas texts are italicized, adriens are underlined on ao3, just bold here bc tumblrs a butt. shoutout to @reyxa for the title <3

enjoy!

Alya narrows her eyes at the new message that lights up her phone. It’s an unknown number that she doesn’t recognize — not that she’s given her number to anyone recently — and it’s also seven in the morning . Anyone how knows her at all should know that she doesn’t wake up before at least nine on the weekends. (And that has nothing to do with the fact that she doesn’t sleep during the week and tends to go to bed after two in the morning.)

She groans as another message shows up on the screen. She squints and lets the messages flow in, figuring she can tell the person they’ve got the wrong number after they’ve finished whatever they have to say. Or she can decide that it’s unimportant and ignore it and go back to sleep.

She likes her second plan the best.

unknown number: Hi!

unknown number: Just wanted to let you know the start time for today has been moved from 10 to 9:15

unknown number: My father has a meeting at 1300 so he wants to get it all done as soon as possible

unknown number: And I know you mentioned wanting to have him on set yesterday

unknown number: I hope it’s not too much of an inconvenience! Your agent should be calling you soon, but I thought I’d give you a heads up

Alya squints at the screen. She doesn’t want to care but she’s curious. And curiousity killed the cat and all that but she’s used to letting her nosiness get the best of her.

unknown number: agents???

unknown number: 1st of all srry u have the wrong number

unknown number: 2nd of all were u talking to a movie star or smth???????

unknown number: book writer??

unknown number: what kinda person needs an agent

unknown number: Oh I’m sorry! I must’ve gotten the wrong number from someone

unknown number: I’m really sorry if I was bothering you

Alya rolls her eyes.

unknown number: u woke me up but its chill cause now im curious

unknown number: Curious? About what?

unknown number: way 2 keep avoiding the question

unknown number: ???

unknown number: u said the person u meant to text has an agent

unknown number: how fancy r they

unknown number: Oh! She’s a model!

Alya’s eyes widen. The most famous person she knows is that thirteen year old that was in her school who has ten thousand subscribers on YouTube because she makes lyric videos. The second is a boy who has a few thousand instagram followers because he has nice abs and lots of white boy clothing and muscle shirts.

unknown number: u kno a model????????

unknown number: Uhh

unknown number: I’m not sure how much personal information I should be giving to a stranger

Alya sighs. So close.

unknown number: its fine dude (dude? u good w that? lmk if u arent) i getchu

unknown number: u can just stop responding if u dont wanna talk

She locks her phone and slides it back under her pillow. She stares at the ceiling for a few more minutes, wondering if she’ll be able to fall back asleep. As much as she’d like to take the train back to dreamville, she can’t. Because now she’s awake and now she’s wondering. And once she stops wondering, she doesn’t stop.

She’ll probably stop thinking about this random wrong number in a few days and in a few months, she’ll forget about them entirely but…

Ugh.

Sleep definitely isn’t an option anymore.

Leaving her phone in her bed, she pads to the kitchen, twisting her hair up into a messy bun as she does so. No one is up yet — of course they aren’t, it’s seven on a Saturday and everyone is taking advantage of every precious minute of sleep they can get — so she has the run of the house to herself.

So she makes herself some coffee and a bowl of cereal and turns to television on. Her initial plan is to just leave it on whatever channel that’s playing when she first turns it on, and luckily the twins were the last ones to use it. Saturday morning cartoons. Score.

Alya stirs sugar in her coffee as Cyber Chase plays in the background. It’s not much more than background noise, it’s the middle of an episode and she doesn’t really know what’s happening, but she does snort at a few of the bad jokes.

“You’re up early,” her mom says before dropping a kiss on the top of Alya’s head.

Alya hums. “Got a few text messages and they woke me up.” She notes how her mom purposefully avoids eye contact as she opens a cabinet. Alya rolls her eyes and eats a spoonful of cereal.

“School friends?” her mom asks carefully.

“Yes,” Alya lies. Better than her mom asking more questions. The biggest one being why were you talking to a complete stranger?

“Are you going to see them before we leave?”

Alya glues her eyes to the TV. “If they’re around.”

Her mom makes an unimpressed sound and Alya resists the urge to roll her eyes. She texted a few of her friends the other week, but the conversation was awkward and stilted. They all had the same sort of idea about cutting ties.

Alya sighs and puts down her spoon, twisting around in her seat to face her mom. “I promise I’m talking to them.”

Her mom gives her that look— the one where her lips purse and a crease between her eyebrows that’s becoming more and more permanent; the one that says she wants to push for more details, but won’t unless they’re volunteered first. Which Alya is not doing, thank you very much. “If you say so, honey,” her mom says, turning her attention to the breakfast she’s making.

Alya stares down into her cereal bowl.

Time to evacuate to her bedroom.

She finishes her cereal as quickly as she can without choking and dumps her bowl and spoon in the sink as she passes it, taking her coffee with her to her room. New plan: curl up in bed with her laptop and hope her mom just leaves her alone until they move.

Alya’s almost forgotten about her phone by the time she flops onto her bed. It vibrates almost as soon as she opens her laptop. She frowns as she pulls it out from under her pillow.

unknown number: Dude is fine for me

unknown number: He/him pronouns please

unknown number: Thanks for asking I really appreciate it, actually

unknown number: People don’t always ask

Plan trashed. This is a better plan.

unknown number: she/her for me

unknown number: and no prob man

unknown number: i wasnt gonna assume ur gender

unknown number: ok that mightve sounded bad but i didnt mean it in a bad way like the ‘lol dont assume my gender’ way jerks do sometime i meant it in like a genuine

unknown number: if u have smth u wanna say u should say it because i am very tired and i can go on for a while

Whoops.

Alya can’t say she’s known for her stellar first impressions but she usually doesn’t ramble her way into an awkward corner. She mindlessly flips through apps as she waits for a response.

unknown number: Don’t worry about it! I didn’t take it the wrong way or anything

Alya smiles to herself as she responds. He keeps leaving her openings which is nice. Based off his initial reaction, she thought he’d shut this down as fast as possible.

She realizes this is probably a little weird. But it’s the most exciting thing to happen to her since school let out so…

unknown number: so whats up stranger??

unknown number: b4 u ask im just sitting in my room doing nothing but text u so thats my morning

unknown number: I actually have work soon, so that’s fun

Alya raises her eyebrows. She forgot age was something else she didn’t know yet.

unknown number: oo work that sounds fun

unknown number: what do u do???

unknown number: I work for my dad, it isn’t anything special

unknown number: But it gives me something to do with my time so I don’t mind that much

unknown number: If I randomly stop responding without warning, that’s why

unknown number: good 2 kno

unknown number: can i ask what u do 4 ur dad or is that 2 personal

unknown number: I uh… I just do whatever he needs me to do

unknown number: I don’t get paid or anything but

unknown number: ay it still works as a resume builder

unknown number: Yeah exactly!

unknown number: thats cool that ur dad can get u a job!! my mom and dad could never w their jobs so i just suffer

unknown number: not that thats any different from what i would do anyway as a teenager

Alright, perfect. She’s brought up the age question in a really clunky and awkward way. Better than nothing.

unknown number: Oh how old are you?

unknown number: I’m 15

Alya lets out a sigh of relief.

unknown number: ayy same!

unknown number: just ur fav teenage superhero blogger

unknown number: doing nothing with her life

unknown number: You like superheroes?

unknown number: yeah!! i love comic books. you??

unknown number: I don’t have time to read many but yeah! I’ve always loved Spiderman

unknown number: wonder woman is my g i r l

unknown number: superheroes are just so cool

She waits a few minutes before she decides that he must have gone off to work. Bonding over superheroes, that’s good. A shared interest. She scrolls through their conversation, rereading some of the earlier messages before she creates a contact for him. She makes the name ‘stranger’ and leaves it at that.

It’s not like they’re meeting up or anything. Even if he is an ax murderer, can’t kill her if she never sends him her location.

Alya spends the next couple of hours avoiding her mom as much as possible. She takes her sisters to the park and then goes to the library after she brings them home.

She doesn’t want to talk about it.

She’s clicking through a webcomic that she missed a few weeks worth of updates when her phone buzzes. She glances down, expecting it to be a text from her mom asking if she has any plans or to do chores or something, but is pleasantly surprised to see a message from her stranger.

stranger: Sorry about that, work ran long

stranger: Admittedly, I don’t know very much about Wonder Woman, but she looks very awesome

unknown number: !!!!

unknown number: when ive got more time remind me to tell u all abou t her

unknown number: and to rec some comic books even if u dont have time

stranger: Is she your favorite?

Alya sits back in her chair. This conversation is going to be a long one.

Alya finds herself randomly texting her stranger for the next few days. He doesn’t always respond quickly, but he responds eventually, no matter how weird her original message.

That’s more than she can say for most of her friends.

She texts him as she’s sitting on the counter in her kitchen, stirring a pot.

unknown number: hey stranger whats up

stranger: Just reading, you?

unknown number: making box mac n cheese

stranger: Sounds fun

unknown number: yeah im gonna eat it straight from the pot

The three dots bounce on the screen as the stranger takes his time with the next message. Alya snorts and turns off the stove, straining the pasta and moving to the fridge to find butter and cheese. He’s found his words by the time she’s letting the butter melt in the pot.

stranger: Straight from the pot? Why?

unknown number: because i live life on the edge

unknown number: and also because im too lazy to clean the dish later

stranger: You know what? That’s fair

Sometimes, Alya thinks that she probably shouldn’t think about someone who she doesn’t even know the name of as often as she does, let alone text him as much as she does. But sometimes she’ll see something, and she’ll immediately think of him. Or she’ll just be randomly upset and feel the strong urge to pick up the phone and see if he’s available to vent to.

She knows it’s kind of weird, but she can’t help herself.

One night, at around two in the morning, she finds herself messaging him.

unknown number: hey did i ever mention i was moving

She’s almost asleep, slightly more okay than she was before she sent the text, when he responds.

stranger: You haven’t but we also don’t talk about where we live

Alya stares at the screen for a long moment, the bright light in the darkness making everything on the screen blur into nothing. She just feels kind of numb.

unknown number: yeah

unknown number: like 8 hours away from where i live now

stranger: Wow that’s a big move

unknown number: yeah

stranger: I’m guessing you don’t want to go?

unknown number: not really

unknown number: did u know ur my only friend right now

stranger: I am?

unknown number: me and my other friends sort of cut ties

stranger: The internet exists

stranger: Phones exist

stranger: FaceTime and Skype both kind of suck, but they exist

unknown number: yeah i guess

unknown number: i guess its just too hard for any of us to try

stranger: I have no idea how far apart we live

stranger: We’re doing just fine

unknown number: yeah

unknown number: yeah ur right

One of Alya’s small comforts that comes to mind whenever she thinks about moving is the fact that she’ll have her phone on her and a portable charger. Her stranger will be with her every step of the way.

He’d managed to get her to talk to some of her friends. She doesn’t really think it’ll last once she’s in Paris, but the attempt is nice. And it gives her other people to talk to for the rest of the summer.

It’s too early in the morning when they leave for the last time for her to get really emotional about moving. All she has the energy to do is to take a picture of her old apartment, caption it ‘one last goodbye to marseille’, and save it before sending it to her friends over Snapchat. Before she falls asleep against the car window, she texts it to her stranger.

She wakes up to a new text among the goodbyes from her friends.

stranger: Have a nice car ride! I’ll let you know when I get back from work <3

Alya hides her smile from her sisters and screenshots the text for later.

She texts him from the floor of her new bedroom while her dad starts moving boxes. They’ve been in the process of moving for a while now, shipping most of their things to Paris beforehand. Now all that remains is the actual unpacking.

Alya doesn’t have the energy for that. She just lays on the floor and stares at the ceiling for a while. Then she picks up her phone and sends him a text.

It’s been about an hour since they last talked. She’d talked to him for a good majority of the car ride, only stopping when he was busy and ending the conversation when they arrived so she could get her things out of the car and help her sisters with theirs. She’d sent him a picture of her empty bedroom and said ‘let the unpacking begin :P’. He’d responded with a ‘Good luck!!’ and ‘I’ll let you get to work!’

Alya’s thumb hovers over the send button for a few seconds. She’s never really pushed him for any sort of personal information before.

New city, new Alya. Or something.

unknown number: hey just wondering

unknown number: what do u have me in ur phone as??

unknown number: i have u in here as stranger

stranger: Your contact name?

stranger: Uh awkward but you don’t?

stranger: You’re the only one I just have the number for, so I know who you are that way

Alya reads his texts a few times before she responds. She doesn’t know what she expects in return, but she figures she has nothing to lose.

unknown number: im alya

unknown number: in case u were wondering

stranger: Hi Alya

stranger: I’m Adrien

#adrien agreste #alya cesaire #alyadrien #outsidethelovesquare #miraculous ladybug #my fics #oof its done

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sapphyrelily · 8 years ago

Text

Three - Never Grow Up

I return from the dead after 2 months with a lousy chapter in tow, bc I lost my original idea sigh

The buzzing from his phone is getting annoying, and he contemplates turning the vibrate off so he can study in peace. He twists to regard the device on his bed, the screen lighting up with yet another incoming message.

He sighs and picks up the phone.

[Kenjirou]: This was a bad idea

[Kenjirou]: Why did I let Futakuchi talk me into this

[Kenjirou]: Right cos im stupid

[Kenjirou]: Taichi save me

[Kenjirou]: We’re in the house

[Kenjirou]: This guy must be hella rich

[Kenjirou]: Holy shit this is Akaashi’s house

[Kenjirou]: I thought Akaashi was supposed to be all goody two shoes

[Kenjirou]: apparently mot

[Kenjirou]: thk god kuroo isnt here

[Kenjirou]: ohmygod its oikawa-san

[Kenjirou]: and his ace whatshisname

[Kenjirou]: iwa-chan? Tht doesn’t sound liek a name

[Kenjirou]: Right its iwaizumi

[Kenjirou]: hes hot save me

[Kenjirou]: taichiiii answr me

Kawanishi sighs and types a reply.

[Taichi]: r u drunk

[Kenjirou]: YOU FINALLY REPLIED

[Taichi]: answer the question

[Kenjirou]: oooooh proper spellinh, scarryyyy

[Taichi]: Kenjirou.

[Kenjirou]: maybe idk

[Kenjirou]: but iwaizumisan is jow

[Kenjirou]: hot

[Kenjirou]: im gonna talk to hik

[Taichi]: be safe

Kawanishi tosses his phone onto his pillow and picks up his textbook. Shirabu’s drunk self can’t do too much damage, he reckons. He can always check back after he finishes this chapter.

[Kenjirou]: taichi stop me

[Kenjirou]: hes so cute hwlp

[Kenjirou]: ah no he left

[Kenjirou]: I shld go chase him

[Kenjirou]: ohno the other seijou boys r hwre

[Kenjirou]: the pink one is hogging him

[Kenjirou]: I need to get him back

[Kenjirou]: oh good pinky left

[Kenjirou]: no oikawa-sam in aight

[Kenjirou]: ure nog here so I’m gonna do bad things

[Kenjirou]: HE SAID HELL WALK ME BACK

[Kenjirou]: SCORE

[Kenjirou]: wait till semi-san heres

[Kenjirou]: HE PATTED MW ON THE BACK WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

[Kenjirou]: AAAHHHHH

[Kenjirou]: semi-sans in my bed

[Kenjirou]: oh kenmaz in his

[Kenjirou]: eh whatever

[Kenjirou]: hes cute ill pretend hes iwaizumi-san

[Kenjirou]: nigghtttt

Kawanishi blinks at his screen and rereads the messages, squinting at the font as if it will change the contents of the messages. It doesn’t, so he groans and throws his phone back on the bed.

Goddamnit, Kenjirou.

x.x.x.x.x

“Kenjirou.”

No response.

“Kenjirou.”

“Mmphrgh.”

“Get up and drink some water.”

“No.”

“Get up, you sick pig.”

“No. Lemme sleep.”

“Do you want me to get Semi-san?”

The covers are pulled down a little, exposing an eye lined with deep bags. “You wouldn’t.”

“I’ll get Tendou-san too.”

“Goddamnit, Taichi.”

“Thank me later.”

He sighs and closes his textbook, looking at the time.

Oh. He studied through the night. That hasn’t happened in a while.

He groans as he stretches out his legs, reaching for his phone. No new messages, but he opens the application anyway, composing a new one and sending it off.

He may not be able to keep his best friend out of trouble, but he knows who can.

x.x.x.x.x

[Taichi]: panadol n h2o

[Semi]: What

[Taichi]: kenjirou

[Semi]: Sigh. Thanks Taichi

[Taichi]: punch him 4 me

[Semi]: Kay

Semi tucks his phone into his back pocket, picking the finished bentos up and heading back to his room. Once inside, he digs in his bag for his small medicine stash, cutting off two tabs of panadol to place on Shirabu’s side table.

The sky is getting brighter, but he decides to leave his roommate be until he refills their water bottles.

In hindsight, that was a bad idea.

“Shirabu.”

“G’way.” The brunet mumbles incoherently and tugs the blanket over his head. A few pokes to his back earns him nothing but some wiggling, so he sighs and sits beside him.

[Semi]: How well does he hold his liquor

[Taichi]: lightweight

[Semi]: K bad question. How much did he drink

[Taichi]: enuf to b angry if u wake him

[Semi]: gdi

Semi sighs and grips the edge of the blanket. “Shirabu, you have two seconds before I rip this off.”

No response.

He tears the blanket off, taking it to the other bed to fold, ignoring the indignant whine behind him.

“Lemme sleep– Oww.”

“Drink the water and take the panadol. You’re getting to class today, whether you like it or not.”

“I hate you.”

“You’re welcome, because that’s a lab you have in an hour.”

He hears a panicked curse followed by a pained groan, and shakes his head at the sound of pattering footsteps and muffled banging disappearing down the hallway. Setting the folded blanket on the correct bed, he turns to Shirabu’s closet and starts pulling out a lab-appropriate outfit, then packs his bag and places it next to his shoes.

[Semi]: He didnt seem very angry

[Taichi]: hes late 4 class

[Taichi]: d anger will b bck

[Semi]: Thanks for the heads up?

[Taichi]: ur welcome

[Taichi]: ull need it

He’s about to head out when an angry maelstrom crashes past him, diving about the room in a flurry before setting upon the things already laid out for him. Semi would love to stay and watch – Shirabu gets stuck in his T-shirt for a solid minute, how is that even possible – but he knows better than to take Kawanishi's advice lightly, so he clicks the door shut behind him just as an infuriated yell is birthed.

He sneaks off with a snicker, messaging Futakuchi to beware the monster in class.

He gets an extremely garbled reply, and sighs heavily.

Reckless teenagers.

x.x.x.x.x

“Taichi.”

It’s a hiss, a panicked call, and he peers blearily out of his blanket nest to raise an eyebrow.

“Come help me pick an outfit.”

“Why.” He thinks he mumbles it – he isn’t sure, there are just too many blankets – but Shirabu whines and drops onto the bed anyway.

“Semi-san asked me to help distract Ushijima-san while they’re out.”

“And what’re you going to do? Dress like a stripper?”

He doesn’t even mind the smack to his leg – the blankets absorb the impact – but he does mind his roommate lying across his stomach, because he can’t breathe.

“Kenjirou– Get off–”

“I need help,” Shirabu whines. “They’ll be going into town, and I need to keep Ushijima-san occupied while Semi-san and Tendou-san find him a gift.”

“And– This is– Important– Why?” He wheezes, trying to dislodge the dead weight, but Shirabu is surprisingly heavy.

“Because what if I don’t know what to say? What am I supposed to talk about? We’re going to be by ourselves, this is the opportunity of a lifetime–”

“You– See– Him– At– Practice– Everyday.”

“I don’t need to hold a conversation during practice!”

Kawanishi finally succeeds in shoving Shirabu off his diaphragm, and wheezes for a minute. When he finally regains his breath, his roommate is seated on his legs, bemoaning his predicament.

He sits up and pulls his legs back, dislodging Shirabu and sending him sprawling, but he can’t care less. “Just wear whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

“You’re so unhelpful.”

“Ushijima-san doesn’t care about appearances,” he tells him. “But think about it this way – anything you wear would definitely be better than what Semi-san is wearing.”

“Not if Tendou-san is picking it.”

“Well, true, but how often does that happen?”

He’s met with silence, and hides his small smile in the blankets.

“Okay, fine, I’ll just wear jeans and whatever.”

“As long as you’re wearing clothes,” Kawanishi drawls, promptly flopping back and hiding himself in the blankets.

“I’m not an exhibitionist or a nudist, of course I’ll wear clothes.”

Kawanishi doesn’t bother to reply him.

x.x.x.x.x

“Shirabu-kun.”

He turns around slowly – after too many near-vomiting experiences that day, he has resigned himself to the vertigo – looking up into a pair of familiar green eyes. “Iwaizumi-san.”

Iwaizumi looks kind of awkward, but he holds out a familiar-looking jacket – his, he realises belatedly.

“Thanks for your jacket last night. It was a nice gesture,” he says, a crooked smile lifting a corner of his mouth. Shirabu takes the jacket from him – no wonder he couldn’t find it – and returns his smile sheepishly.

“No problem. Sorry for the trouble yesterday,” he mumbles.

“It was no trouble at all. I’d be more worried if you didn’t get back safely.”

“You didn’t have to,” he mutters. “But thank you. I don’t remember anything about last night.”

Iwaizumi frowns. “Nothing at all?”

“I remember seeing the other Seijou boys in your year, but that’s about it. Everything after that is gone.” He tries not to blush – he is above blushing like a schoolgirl, damnit – but allows an embarrassed grin to show his sincerity.

The other chuckles. “You don’t remember giving me your jacket, then?”

“No.”

“You were very nice about it,” Iwaizumi tells him. “You said you couldn’t let me go back out into the cold without anything on and shoved it at me until I took it.”

Shirabu is stunned for a moment, before he chokes out, “I’m sorry I’m such a pushy drunk. That doesn’t sound nice.”

“You are very stubborn, but it was a nice gesture.” He starts to turn away, then whips back around, brow furrowed. “Wait. If you don’t remember anything, then why would you apologise for causing me trouble?”

“I, uh,” he fidgets uncomfortably, before softly admitting, “I’m always trouble when I’m drunk.”

Iwaizumi laughs loudly, and he’s stunned – he has such a beautiful laugh, but he’s also so embarrassed.

The older grins widely and claps him on the back, almost making him stumble. “Don’t worry about it. You weren’t that much trouble.”

“Really?” Shirabu’s sceptical – despite denying it, he does know a little of what transpired. His gushing messages to Kawanishi are proof enough of that.

“Well,” Iwaizumi pauses, “There is one thing I’d like to ask about.”

Oh no. Please don’t let it be–

“Shirabu-kun,” their eyes meet, bright green and nervous hazel, “You kept mentioning how ‘hot’ I was?”

Please kill me.

It takes him a few seconds to get his voice working again, but he manages to choke out, “I wasn’t lying.”

Iwaizumi’s expression softens a little, and he cracks a small smile. “I don’t think you were.”

“I’m sorry,” he bursts out. “Don’t tell anyone else, please.”

Iwaizumi looks confused. “Tell anyone what?”

“That I’m, you know,” he waves a hand, “Not straight.”

Some of the confusion clears from the older’s face, but he still sounds puzzled when he asks, “Why would I tell anyone that?”

“What?”

(He’s so confused.)

“It’s not my place to tell anyone else what your preferences are,” Iwaizumi says firmly, and he looks so serious, Shirabu actually believes him. “I wouldn’t want anyone doing that to me, and I wouldn’t do it to anyone else either.”

“I– Thank you.” He hesitates just a moment, before asking softly, “Can I ask? What your preferences are?”

Iwaizumi smiles a little. “I’m demisexual. You?”

“Pansexual.” It feels like a weight has been lifted when he says it out loud, and he lets out a small sigh.

He hears a laugh, looks up to see Iwaizumi grinning at him. “Never told anyone before?”

“…no,” he admits. “There wasn’t a need to.”

“Don’t I know how that feels,” Iwaizumi sighs.

There’s a beat of silence between them, before Iwaizumi says, “Well, I ought to be getting back. Thanks again.”

He can feel the opportunity slipping from between his fingers, breath catching in his throat as the words lodge themselves in the tight space, refusing to come out.

Last chance, the wind whispers as it brushes by.

His hand clenches around the jacket, turning fully to face his retreating back. “Iwaizumi-san!”

He turns, confusion playing out across his features, and he takes a deep breath, exhaling forcefully.

“I know you told me your preferences, but would you like to go out to dinner with me sometime? Tonight, if you’re free?”

The taller boy’s expression clears, replaced by a sort of wry smile. “I’ll agree on one condition.”

“What is it?”

“We’re going as friends. Don’t expect more.”

He bows sharply, hiding his smile in his collar.

“Of course.”

x.x.x.x.x

[Shirabu]: Won’t be back for dinner

[Semi]: again?

[Shirabu]: You’re not my mom

[Semi]: I pick up after yo u enough to be

[Shirabu]: whatever

[Shirabu]: I’ll be eating dinner on my own, relax

[Semi]: well, im glad you know what I’m worrying abt

[Shirabu]: IM NOT THT SKINNY

[Semi]: Yes you are

[Shirabu]: no

[Semi]: yes

[Shirabu]: No.

[Shirabu]: ps thanks for the shirasu-don

[Semi]: … youre welcome

[Shirabu]: I was bring sincere but guess I wont anymore

[Semi]: I was stunned, sue me

[Shirabu]: I’m not that ungrateful

[Semi]: o rlly

[Shirabu]: guess I’ll put the tekka maki back

[Semi]: WAIT

Shirabu snickers as he pockets his phone without replying, putting the packet of fish into the basket and nudging the person beside him. “Come on, let’s go.”

Kenma barely looks up from his game, but he does ask, “Do you have the apple pie?”

Shirabu rolls his eyes. “No. I’m going to make you apple pie instead of letting you eat the store-bought one.”

“Really?” It’s the most hopeful Shirabu has ever heard him, and he smothers a laugh.

“Yes, of course. You should learn how to make it too.”

“Lazy,” Kenma mumbles, trudging along behind him. “Kuro’ll get me some any time.”

“You treat him like a servant.”

“Like you’re one to talk.”

“Huh?”

“Eita spends half his time picking up after you.”

“I don’t ask him to.”

“But he still does, and you don’t thank him. At least I thank Kuro.”

Shirabu opens his mouth to refute, but finds his words gone, any eloquence dried up like an old well. He can practically feel the smugness radiating off his friend, and stews quietly – what else can he do?

They’re almost at the checkout when he thinks to say, “I do things for him sometimes too.”

Kenma doesn’t reply for a long while – he thinks he must have reached the boss stage – but when he does, it’s with a sigh and the blackened screen of his game. “Not as much as he does for you.”

Shirabu’s almost too stunned that he turned off his game to answer. “He doesn’t have to. He’s trying to be my mom,” he grumbles.

“He cares about you.”

“He cares about everyone.”

“Fair point.”

Shirabu props the basket onto the self-checkout counter, scanning in silence. Kenma helps to bag the items, remaining mercifully quiet until they exit the store.

“You know, there was a point in time where Kuroo told me he liked me.”

“Oh?” He is confused; what does this have to do with their earlier conversation?

“Yeah,” Kenma muses. “But now he has Koutarou, so I don’t have to worry about feelings I can’t return.”

“I see.”

(Really, what is he supposed to say to all this?)

“You don’t understand what I’m trying to hint at,” Kenma comments.

Shirabu feels relieved and slightly annoyed. “What gave it away?”

“Your face, maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Maybe.” Kenma smiles, but it drops quickly, sighing. “Maybe Eita’s so caring because he likes you.”

He snorts. “As if Semi-san would ever like me.”

“Why not?”

“We just don’t like each other.” His tone is hard, trying to signal the end of the conversation, and he’s glad when Kenma doesn’t press further.

He doesn’t want to revisit those memories. After all, they’ve been locked away for a reason.

x.x.x.x.x

“You sure you'll be okay?”

“For goodness sake, yes. I’m moving to the city, not to another country.”

“Just checking. I–”

“Worry. I know.” His voice has softened, and he drops his bag, tilting his head back to regard him. “I’ll be fine. Really.”

His friend pulls him into a smothering hug, enveloping him fully in his embrace, counting, counting, keeping time until he has to let go.

“Be safe.” A whisper as he steps back, full of panic and worry and desperate, desperate wishes.

“I’ll do what I can.” It’s not a promise – he can’t promise this, definitely not – but it’s the sincerity of the sentiment that pacifies him, because now, it might take him a bit longer to do something stupid.

“Call me when you get there.”

“I’ll text you,” he offers. “You’re getting overbearing like this.”

He opens his mouth only to bite back the I worry that threatens to fall out, swapping it for an Okay instead.

This time it’s Shirabu who steps forward for a hug, whispering his goodbyes, shouting them in the strength of his embrace, lightly reassuring him in the soft touch on his hair.

And then he’s on the train, and the afternoon sun blinds him as he watches the train disappear.

x.x.x.x.x

[Eita]: Coming over?

[Kenma]: Nah. Kuros cooking

[Eita]: For Futakuchi too or no

[Eita]: ?

[Kenma]: ofc for futa too

[Kenma]: I am very kinf, u kno

[Eita]: how did kenma let you have his phone

[Kenma]: I have my ways

[Kenma]: n e way, kitten and futa r with me tonite

[Eita]: I had to stare at that for 5 min before it made sense

[Kenma]: Kuros spelling sucks

[Eita]: Tell me sth I dont know

[Kenma]: Futakuchi snores

[Kenma]: Dinner. C u tmr

[Eita]: See you

Semi places his phone at the edge of the table, lacing his hands behind his head. A slow grin spreads over his face as the reality of the situation settles on him.

No Shirabu, Kenma or Futakuchi tonight. Wow.

I can finally study in peace, hell yes.

He gets up to pluck a textbook from his bag, setting a timer on his phone before putting it in the dresser.

If he's to study, there can be no distractions. But he’ll have to get up and make dinner eventually, and he refuses to forget to eat just because he’s actually studying for once.

He flips open to where he left off, re-reading the familiar concept, sinking into the rhythm of absorbing information.

x.x.x.x.x

It’s 11pm when he stops, and as he gets up to brush his teeth, his eyes land on the empty bed next to him.

It’s a little worrying, but he reminds himself that Shirabu is old enough to take care of himself, pushing the thought out of mind as he leaves the room.

He writes a note and pins it to their corkboard, casting a last glance at the vacant bed before he turns out the lights.

(The emptiness rings in his head, a despondent purr throbbing in his mind. It prods at the gaping maw of his heart, reminding, reminding, of better times, noisier times, a time where there was laughter and table lamps and trundling snores–)

The room is too quiet, and he sighs.

He’ll never get used to sleeping alone.

x.x.x.x.x

Come home earlier next time, it’s not safe late at night.

P.S. It’s your turn to make lunch but I’m getting up early because I’m sure you won’t wake up.

He plucks the note from the board, smiling at the first part of the message, sticking his tongue out at his roommate's back at the latter half.

Grabbing a pen from the table, he scribbles his reply and sticks the note back on the board before grabbing his things to shower.

His phone lights up with a new message, and he types a reply with a small grin before leaving, closing the door quietly behind him.

In the silence of the room, the phone vibrates periodically, marking the pauses between the soft snores from the occupied bed.

1 unread message from Taichi

15 unread messages from Futakuchi

2 unread messages from Iwaizumi✨

#semi eita #shirabu kenjirou #kozume kenma #kawanishi taichi #semishira #cygnus #my writing #haikyuu!!

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