#also i could be wrong but the va sounds familiar

[edgybutnotveryedgy]

Me when i find a new unhinged trash anime

[achillean-knight]

JUST watched a video about the Afton's and I really love their British accents, but I've seen people dislike it so.... I'm curious. Reblogs or comments welcomed, I really want to know people's thoughts on this!

[skayafair]

Damn. It really hits different and much more the 2nd time.

Juno's VA is just. Unparalleled.

Upd. Gods, I have so many thoughts on Ramses O'Flaherty. Those episodes were INTENSE and so complicated, truly complicated and tangled in terms of morals. Humans are messy. There's never only good or bad, and they can be put together in such whimsical ways.

Also I understood what the harpies' tale was about. This podcast was certainly made to be listened to more than once.

Upd. The way Juno is talking with O'Flaherty is. Oh, I've had such types of conversations before - when the other party is saying things that sound right, but you just KNOW they are wrong, but there's no time to think it over to reach for the reason why they are wrong, so it gets really confusing and difficult to keep one's mind straight. It's rhethorics vs. the truth, only you never know what your truth is until you think it over properly and compare it to the 'common' truth. I am amazed with the writing of this conversation because it must have been a hell of a task to write both parts convincingly. And the fact that Ramses wrote all the routes this conversation could go and couldn't convince eveen himself in the end. Brilliand and tragic. Ramses disgusts me as someone in decades of contact with a self-proclaimed "martyr" with narcissistic tendencies but also I can't help feeling sympathy for him. He really wanted and tried to make things better, despite... oh I don't have time to elaborate now but hopefully will later.

It's so unfair of him to fuck up and tell Juno to figure out how to fix it. Manipulative jerk. Y'know what, while listening to this conversation further I lose more and more sympathy.

Actually, no, I'm not goung to elaborate later. Because I made the same mistake as a few years ago. Ramses is very conffusing and seems self-contradicting until you find the answer in his core: he's a fucking narcissist. Then all of his behaviour becomes crystal clear. Really, I want to give applause to the creative team because they nailed everything. The tendency to never say the important things straight, going in rounds around those, to confuse the opponent, to suddenly shout and lash out when something is going not as they please, bleeding their true colours, the mythical idea of themselves that has nothing to do with the real thing, the constant performance for the sake of performance... all of it. Ramses is using every damn tactic I've been through in that conversation with Juno, it's painfully familiar and makes me indignant. A+ for the portrayal, truly. And Juno's doing so well, never budging, no matter what webs O'Flaherty is spinning. Fascinating. Y'know what, I'll count it as the catharsis I never had.

Upd. a) Mick Mercury is pure gold.

b) It's so telling how Juno could go toe to toe with O'Flaherty, never letting to fool himself, but he failed with Mick because of his personal emotional attachment. It was complicated with Ramses but very simple with Mick who's just a friend, his best friend. (An obligatory reminder that Rita is a national treasure and where would they all be without her.) I didn't expect this 2nd listen to hit so hard :')

[i-hear-a-sound]

Sort of dumb Drakengard and Nier stuff I find really really interesting

this will be long. and dumb. and probably wrong. under the readmore

This is an image of what the Alien’s ship looks like in Automata. And yes, it most definitely looks like a flower. Interesting thing is, aliens coming down in a ship shaped like a flower is something that sounds really familiar to the lore: of how in Drakengard, the Watchers came down with the Flower. (fact check me if that’s wrong though)

This image is faintly in every in-game cutscene in Drakengard. These are implied to be images from the universe’s altered Bible? (Christianity is the main religion in the game, it’s just altered with things like the Goddess the seals etc). Which, means, if you squint…

this image looks like a dragon impaled on a tower. It’s pixelated as fuck but higher quality images do confirm this. If I find one of those I’ll update it. (something something, timeloop is obvious)

These two scenes have been paralleled to death. Yes, the black box scene in Automata does look somewhat moderately kind of if you squint like the scene in which Caim pacts with Angelus, but let’s focus more on the ladder scene because something has always bugged me about it.

Firstly. The souls themselves. Maybe it’s just me… they look like egg cells? Which, no, I’m not going “Caimangelus had sex, good for them” I’m going “If this is the case, what else are referred to as “eggs” in this game?”

In the original version of the game in Japan, the Seeds of Destruction are not referred to as Seeds. They’re called eggs.

another thing. We get to see what happens when a seed is destroyed in ending C. And for a brief second, it looks like this:

Another thing about this scene. Something I also never noticed was that when he pulls out his soul, Caim’s chest does… this?

I’d gif it if i could but atm I cant, but believe me. Angelus just shoots it out from her mouth he just reaches into his chest like it’s liquid. And again, back to the ending C scene:

What does this imply?

…Jack shit lol I just think it’s interesting. Smiley face.

Accord is an incredibly mysterious character in the world of Drakenier. We know nothing of her origins, who created her, why she is at all, and the most we know is:

There is a lot of her. She was created in the “Kingdom of night”. She was created by “something like humans”. She studies singularities. Her goal is to prevent the fall-down. She’s a boob lover.

Something interesting to note is that, the character of Adam kind of somewhat maybe shares a lot of design parallels with Accord. Not even just in terms of the use of white/cream.

Adam has glasses, a black tie, and on one hand has a glove similar to what Accord has. In the anime he gets the same tattoo of the Cult of the Watcher’s Eve had in the game, and Accord is specifically stated to have taken an interest in the branch involving the cult’s creation.

But what’s weird is that Adam… is a machine. And accord isn’t. At least, she’s not supposed to be? Who knows. I have lots so say about Accord but most of it is just theorizing so I’ll leave that for another day.

But I want to talk about the other twin: Eve.

Weirdly enough, Eve and Brother Nier and to an extent, the Shadowlord, share a lot of similarities as well. Sure there’s the white hair, the fact they’re both siblings of someone, etc etc etc, but something I never noticed was how similar their attacks are. Thank the fucking sadfutago church thing for that one lol.

I mean… just the fact that these two not only share the same English VA, but that in the automata DLC for Replicant, the Shadowlord boss music is replaced by Dependent Weakling. (Fact check that for me too, it’s been a while)

Weird parallels all around.

These… doors. Why are they here?

for context, in a Drakengard level you stumble across just this… room with a couple random, red doors. Some of them are open. Some of them are not. I. Don’t. Know. Why. These. Are. Here.

(I mean I do… I very much do, but again. That’s theory.)

Anyways. Doors are actually mentioned in the game, in the final line for ending C. “A pitiful child shall defy the hands of the gods, and a door will close.”

Hmmm?? Thing to note: the “hands of the gods” are dragons. “A pitiful child shall defy the dragons, and a door will close.”

And to end off this post, a fun fact; before becoming the first intoner, Lady Zero had a different name. Rose.

[fictionfixations]

doing yunli's story quest

i think it has a different name but tbh genshin was like my first actual gacha game i was really committed to so expect me to refer to things in genshin terms unless i can remember the equivalent in the game im playing.

lmao

OHHH cause we never got to know what the sword looked like

..huh.

argenti i love you but why are you literally everywhere

actually this is probably why he appears in the wardance event

??? when she said hanguang (earlier, screenshot underneath this screenshot) i had a hunch that it mightve been her father with the way she reacted.

it probably is a cursed sword though. i know shes making a scene but who cares if its a threat to someone's safety? theres this like side quest that happens after wardance where we say goodbye to everyone returning to their own xianzhou ships (fu xuan also returns) and yunli and yanqing talked about the sword a bit and she didnt seem to have anything against it so i guess it gets solved in this

holy fucking shit you can hear swords slashing and screaming in the background

whats the blade of forged remnants? OH ITS HER SWORD old mettle

why am i struggling so hard im

NOOOOOOO. you do not understand my absolute HATRED for fights against argenti or yanqing. (well i hate sunday's too but hes just a weekly boss. argenti and yanqing can be pulled out whenever) its the having multiple smaller enemies... aAaaaaaa

my team is getting their ass beat i cant

tingyun is so fucking squishy she and robin keep dying after each other😭

i dont have a team that can win this om. the ONLY character i have built that he has weakness against is ROBIN. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i dont have herta built. i despise his shields with a passion. i cant do enough damage 😭

i cant continue the story D:

in all fairness i was also stuck on sundays boss battle for a lONG time (only managed because every single turn i had lynx heal to build up her ult as fast as possible. but im doing that method right now and its still not working 😭. i also had to switch in dr ratio for more imaginary weakness but i cant do that here cause they arent buILT.)

it also wouldnt matter if the character was built or not with aventurine cause they wouldnt immediately die at least but i dont have him hHHHH

...wwwhy did you target my only damage dealers wtf man. itd be a different story if he was really close to dying but hes NOT imfioahdwsauiodj

OH MY GOD I FORGOT THIS WAS A THING. i kept quitting before i could hit the defeat screen

i forgot to mention it but argenti is like being possessed by the heliobus in the cursed sword

his voice sounds oddly familiar. i wanna say it sounds like ben (moze's and kaveh's va) but it also feels like its not his voice theres just a quality of it that reminds me of ben's? i might be completely wrong

ohh

oh thats fair

i see

this felt. really short tbh. its been like what? an hour at least?

oh...

thats sweet

[tears-of-boredom]

also I tried watching my little pony yeah, but the vibes were just weird. cuz I have some nostalgia of the show you know, but im finnish, so I grew up with the finnish dub, so its so weird hearing the ponies talk in this like, slightly familiar but still very unfamiliar way. also the song. that just like feels so fucking wrong. and I know that I could just find the finnish dub somewhere and watch that,, but idk. it would be hard to engage with the fandom, constantly thinking about how different the dubs could be. in terms of information given, and jokes, and lore, and stuff. I mean im really glad that i didnt have to listen to the finnish spike, because his VA is one of the 14 finnish VAs that voice everything, and theyre typecasted so hard too. it gets hard to watch anything after a while. thats why I hated perrito in last wish,, cuz he sounded like a grown man. and like, I was so fucking aware of that. and i was just thinking "thats that voice actor again. why couldnt they just hire a new person for once.". I forgot my point sorry. im tired and ill use that as an excuse for whatever this is. as if i need an excuse lol this is probably on the exact same level with my non-extremely-tired posts.

[hummingbird-games]

Dev Daries

Feb 3, 2023

IT’S (me again announcing) BLACK HISTORY MONTH AYYYYYYEEEE!!!!!!! 

Okay, some updates of the Crushed variety???

[image ID: a screenshot of the Itch.io page for the visual novel Crushed. end ID]

There are a few things I’d like to tweak before making the page public this weekend, one of them involving 1-2 more/different screenshots. Maaaaaybe some cute little graphics made via Canva?? But I’m starting to get an idea of the visual theme for this project. And it’s happening a lot faster than it did for HSD 😂

[image ID: a screenshot of a cell phone with an ongoing text conversation. end ID]

If this conversation looks familiar, that’s on purpose. I just want to bring your attention to what I’ve accomplished since last time LOL! All that’s left now is to replace the white bubbles with a different color, which is annoyingly not simple??? I also keep putting it off because that requires making A Decision. And I’m decision-ed out 💩 

As y’all are aware, this is for the Black VN game jam. The original plan was to have a small enough project that could be done by or before Feb. 28, but this thing kind of ballooned and I’ve scaled back to “release 6-7k word demo with completed art and graphic assets, music, and text”. 

As of the time of this post, the full 20k something words are coded. I can technically play through the whole thing including the three endings and it’s quite a thrill. I cannot wait until y’all get the same opportunity!!! (Ending 2 still makes me sob like a baby, wheeeeeeeee!)

The plan is to have the game out Summer 2023, but that is dependent on 1) how fast the art is finished (because ya girl is thinking unlockable CGs, but also there’s the sprite art which ahaha is the highest priority...ugh) and 2) how I’m doing health wise. But I will keep y’all posted, and of course I’ve got fun things to share as we wait for the full game to release!

CGs might be up in the air but...voice acting is a thing that’s happening??

Just tonight I had my first live direct with a voice actor y’all and now I see why so many game devs become addicted to incorporating it?!?!? (It’s partial VA so don’t get too excited but get a lil excited because the finished product is gonna sound so cool.)

At this point you’ve maybe seen the character reveals?? Or you’ve seen me Crying On Main and missed the self-reblogs 😭 y’all, I did not want to do a m!MC game!!!! I even went as far as making a post saying I wouldn’t make a BL game (note to y’all, back up ya shit AND never say never). But one of my unwritten mottos for this studio is to tell stories. Tell the stories that won’t let me know peace until they’re out.

And Crushed wouldn’t have worked with an f!MC. And I quickly found out it this story wouldn’t work unless it was bi Black boy. 

the biphobia out here is something I’m going to fight until I’m 6ft under

Black boys and their stories are not a monolith, and I’m sick of teen media being written for adult consumption while disrespecting the teen demographic

one Black teen is going to play this game and it’s my hope, my desire, that they will feel less hollow inside when they finish...

So anyhoo. That’s your update.

If you’re looking for my “special brand” of game reactions and uncensored thoughts, I promise I will make the side blog public sometime 😭 I’ve been switching energy to books and I’m still trying to prove an author I adore wrong! When I asked her how does she balance gaming and reading, she looked into the camera and told me ‘you don’t’ and I hate that years later she’s still right...

And that’s that! I’m off now 🤪

- Gemini

P.S. I still plan on doing the bad endings for An Everyday Love and making it everyone’s problem, and that’s like half the reason I’m dragging my feet, so forgive me 

[rigelmejo]

Its not much but its honest work ToT

Yesterday I read:

1 chapter of hanshe (I’m extensive reading, which is artificially easier than usual since I’ve read this before so even if I ‘forgot’ words, I honestly know them somewhere in my brain so they come back easily when reading)

2 chapters of Granting You a Dreamlike Life (eirenical’s translation reminded me ToT! Honestly if it weren’t for hanshe’s author’s writing being SUPER familiar to me, I think GYADL author actually writes a bit easier to read. The difficult part is the unrecognizable words I Actually have never studied before, unlike hanshe, so I have to put in a bit more effort to figure them out)

1 chapter of Journey to the West Vernacular. Easiest version I’ve ever read of this story, it feels like a graded reader. But has a slight style to it which makes it enjoyable. Easier to read than GYADL, but again hanshe is artificially easiest since somewhere in my brain I have all the words in it stored ToT.

0.5 chapters of ‘Liu Li’. So I had a link to Liu Li, Love and Redemption’s novel. Well. That link was apparently fanfic, I read a few paragraphs and oddly sects were being called businesses...then Ling Long said she got a job... then Sifeng showed up in a western style suit with GLASSES. And I was like yep this is definitely definitely the WRONG story lol. I actually have the print version of Liu Li in my house but its in a box right now ;-;. So yeah... I’ll need to go looking for this novel again lol, somehow I’d saved a fanfic last time I bookmarked it.

Honestly yes, I still just want to extensively read Guardian. But who knows when I’ll get the bravery to try that again. I also tried reading some japanese detective novels translated into Chinese (since that was what was popular in the section of a site i was browsing through). But um... seeing hanzi that represent japanese names just fried my brain way too much and I bailed after 1 paragraph. (Truly: I saw Tokyo written in hanzi in the first sentence, and my brain pronounced it the chinese hanzi way and it just hurt my brain to think about i don’t even know why).

Yesterday and today I listened to:

Final Fantasy VII lets play in japanese, I found a new lets player I like. She cosplays sometimes for them (for IX she dressed as zidane!) I used the closed captions on youtube so I had some japanese subs. It was artificially easier since I’ve played the game in english, so I could guess what words meant what. That said - I think that makes learning from it easier. I think that means if I just relaxed and watched a lets play of a game I’ve played, I’d pick up a lot of words from context that otherwise would be too difficult to learn as quickly. I know whenever I check out Kingdom Hearts cutscenes I can figure out words easy (cause I know that game by heart lol)

Midnight Diner condensed audio (I found a lot of japanese audio lately). I could catch bits and pieces of things said, which I honestly consider a success considering how hard it was to watch IN japanese only last time I tried. I did not follow what was going on, but just catching some bits of dialogue meaning was cool!

Final Fantasy X condensed audio. This is proof that (somehow) I could learn some new words from audio-only resources in japanese, specifically if they’re media I’m already familiar with. I know the scenes and characters SO well I have figured out a few words just now listening as I work. And I can tell what scene I’m hearing fairly easily (music cues and sound effects same as in english, actors have the same ‘vibe’ even though they’re japanese VAs), which makes guessing words easier since I know the topic. And then, I find recognizing words I ALREADY know easier (since I know the scene’s context I can expect them) - which is good review for me and helps improve my listening comprehension. Also I finally really hammered in soshite - and, dakara - because, oyaji - dad/pops, sekai - world, dekimasu - can! (also its so cute Lulu uses ‘anta’ when I’ve only otherwise heard anta used by yakuza in the Yakuza games ToT). Anyway just notes for me personally: I think its really cool to see that I can pick up NEW stuff and make improvements just listening to audio. Because I would have thought that ‘too hard’ to do at my level.

Alice in Wonderland in Japanese, read-listened in DuoReader app. Well. I did 5 pages. It was hard. I read a LOT of hiragana without kanji to help me as a crutch. Japanese and English have such different sentence structure that the english text did not help with comprehending the audio much lol. So I mostly followed the japanese text with the japanese audio. I do feel I learned some stuff. It was brain frying though. Although, I suppose, Listening Reading Method often does make me feel exhausted. Its a very intensive study method. 

Can you tell I’ve been listening to a lot of japanese?? Studying japanese feels so much like I’m jumping in an ocean and going ‘LETS SEE ALRIGHTY’ and then treading water randomly to see if I’ll float or find any islands or drown. But when I use reading resources (because I did jump into trying to read Alice in Wonderland in japanese yesterday with audio), I find myself so reliant on kanji (based on my hanzi knowledge) that it really hinders my ability to pick up new hiragana words. I find this whole past year I’ve been a lot more successful doing mainly audio focus on japanese. But audio focused lessons also mean a lot more unknowns unless I’m using full on english-japanese sentence audio.

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

When you feel out of step, just dance to the music without a care in the world

Music festivals are a great way to discover new artists as well as learn about different cultures. The Radiant Springs Music Festival is one of the biggest events in Marippe, so it’s something you must check out if that’s your thing. A lot of artists from all over the world would kill for an opportunity to perform as doing so would be a dream. Given the lively atmosphere and the variety of the music and artistry they showcase, who wouldn’t want to be a part of the fun?

What makes it even more special is that we’ve got some familiar faces performing on stage. Beryl, Ruby, and Topaz are performing with a theater troupe as an opening act for a band. Josette, Madeleine, Aurelie, Connie, and Pai are with an orchestra on violin, cello/piano, flute, bass guitar/viola, and oboe respectively. Connie and Pai even got solo performances, something that Madeleine and the festival organizer planned out to close the night.

The timing of the festival serves as a welcome distraction for most of them, especially for Beryl and Connie, who are dealing with a lot right now. It sucks when you’re in a position where you have no choice but to hold your tongue and nod along like nothing’s wrong. In other words, their hands are completely tied, so no matter what they do or don’t do, they’re gonna have to take the fall if anything goes wrong - a convenient third party scapegoat, basically. Yikes, that’s a fucking pain to get trapped into.

So the festival’s helping them keep their minds off that as there’s really nothing they can do about their situations anyway. I mean, they could try to take matters in their own hands, I guess, but that’ll probably bring unwanted trouble, so staying out of the way as much as possible is the wisest option. At least Beryl and Connie are taking it in stride by refusing to let that bring down their spirits. I think it helps that they kinda foresaw being in that difficult position rather than being blindsided - that’s the nature of the kind of lives they live.

Beryl’s situation has more to do with his master, the head of the Garden of Flames, but because he and his siblings are the closest to her, they’re bound to get dragged into it too. Since it involves classified information, he and his master have been kept in the dark about the specifics, which they aren’t happy with - obviously. But at the same time, it’s probably better off that way.

In other words, a lot it has to do with complicated politics, something that Beryl doesn’t care that much about, though given the Garden’s affiliations, he can’t avoid it entirely. Their organization is being used by another entity they have indirect ties to by providing finances and resources in a legal matter, so to speak. Something about exploiting loopholes to get shady but not exactly illegal stuff done. Not only it can keep them off the hook, it also serves as a way of controlling the Garden as independent organizations can be perceived as a threat, especially when they don’t see eye to eye on certain things. Again, sounds like a fucking hassle, and I feel bad for those who are inevitably gonna get tangled up in these affairs whether they like it or not.

Connie’s situation is also complicated and the more they attempt to figure things out, the more frustrating it gets. Basically, nothing adds up and no one knows why - that was why Connie went to Raiden for help. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to help either as there’s still a lot of unknown factors at play.

First, let’s go into why Connie’s traveling all over the Celestine Onyx and getting into their affairs even though they’re an outsider. At a glance, they seem like any other adventurer, but the more you look closely into their escapades, there’s obviously more to it than just some hero who happened to show up at the right place at the right time. I mean, how unusual is it for some outsider to be able to have considerable sway in various political factions to the point that drastic changes have taken effect, often resulting in ensuring a better future for the people? Like, that’s no ordinary person - not with a track record like Connie’s.

I’ve mentioned it before, Connie’s like a disruptor, an outside force who throws themselves in to temporarily stop the gears of fate. Of course, disruption, even if it’s for a good cause, results in unease, tension, fear of the unknown, but most of all, it throws everything into chaos. You’ve got a system like cogs in a machine where everything has to work perfectly well together. Throw something in between one of the gears and bam, everything comes to a grinding halt. And then what? That’s what Connie is.

In other words, that is Connie’s true purpose for their journey in the Celestine Onyx. It serves as sort of a punishment or redemption from their failure from preventing the Surtal disaster, a catastrophic event that resulted in the destruction of a nation and its people. Had the divine order not intervened, the disaster could’ve easily spread throughout the other seven nations. In short, a lot of things went wrong, and so it became sort of buried in history as the centuries passed.

The Surtal disaster was kind of like a domino effect that affected the other nations in the Celestine Onyx jurisdiction. But not in an obvious way, it was gradual, like something that sneaks up on you when you’re distracted. Political unrest and natural disasters were among some of the major catastrophes Connie managed to help avert. As for why the divine order failed to intervene earlier, that’s another question, though not one that Connie’s interested in finding the answer too. They believe that if the divine order got involved, it would have made things even worse. After all, they not only failed to prevent one prophecy from happening, but they turned it into an even bigger mess.

Many of those involved are still haunted by the disaster, including Connie, and so they are determined not to let history repeat itself. That’s why Connie sees their mission as more of a redemption than a punishment, as well as why those who were also involved were willing to let Connie intervene on matters that most outsiders have absolutely no business stepping into. They can’t change the past, but they can do something about the present and future. And so they will.

No matter what the cost or how many enemies they’ll make down the line, Connie will stop at nothing to make sure no one else had to suffer like the people of Surtal did. Defying the divine order by siding with the Celestine authority to take matters into their own hands is their way of righting the world’s wrongs. If the divine order finally decides to strike, Connie is more than prepared to fight back. To the death if they must.

As for the root cause of the Surtal disaster, Connie said it was the arrogance of the Six Pillars, five influential members who were supposed to represent the nation and guide it towards a better future. Instead, they were arrogant and much more interested in power and glory than the general wellbeing of the people. And that was their downfall. How tragic.

Among the many casualties of the disaster was Connie’s younger sister Trini - or so they thought. More accurately, she was among the missing and after an extensive search was assumed to be dead. They had been separated in the chaos and Connie blamed themselves for not being able to protect her. Interesting thing is that part of the reason why they took Pai under their wing was because her headstrong attitude and almost childlike curiosity reminded them of Trini.

And this is where things get confusing. It turns out that Trini survived the disaster and is allegedly working with the surviving Pillars. No one knows for sure what they’re planning other than it probably has to do with picking up where they left off before the disaster struck. So that’s bad news. As for how and why she’s involved with them even though she initially opposed them, that’s one of many questions Connie has for her. However, in the few times since they confronted her, she effectively sidestepped the interrogations.

What they know for sure is that Trini adopted many identities over the centuries. She also lived with two survivors of the Surtal disaster at some point - one whom Connie and Pai have run into a few times during their journey. According to him, a warrior who also happened to be a cousin of two of the Pillars, they traveled together for a while and he sometimes referred to her as Master. Then they had a falling out - or as Connie speculates, Trini walked out on him when she chose to side with the Pillars.

It was a chance encounter between the three of them that confirmed that Trini and his master were the same person. But other than that, there seems to be a lot of conflicting information that leaves both of them baffled. Connie was initially skeptical of the guy given his family ties, but as their paths crossed more and more, they realized that he really got the short end of the stick in the middle of all this, to put it simply. If Trini and the Pillars decided to attack, he would be their target, and knowing how their sister would operate, Connie would be the unwilling bait.

Of course, Connie will do whatever they can to prevent that, but with little to nothing to go off on, their hands are pretty much tied. For now, the best course of action is for them to lay low and avoid attracting any unwanted attention. At least for Connie, it means business as usual, especially now that they’re waiting for that inevitable mountain of paperwork following their final preparations for Sazona. Given everything that’s going on, they’re actually looking forward to trudging through all that boring bureaucratic stuff. Well, can’t really blame them - lesser of the two evils kind of thing, I guess.

As for the other person who also lived with Trini after her supposed death, Connie has yet to find her. She was also a survivor of the Surtal disaster and currently serves as one of the harbingers of Melovka’s imperial capitol. That means you will have to go through several loops just to even get permission to arrange a meeting with her. Connie’s also had a few unfortunate run ins with some of her subordinates, so they don’t really have high hopes that they’ll get concrete answers from her.

There is one silver living though, and it’s Beryl’s master, who’s acquainted with the High Mage. She’s not close to her, but she told Connie that she can try to get a word in for them as the High Mage seemed to express interest in Connie’s exploits. There’s no guarantee, but Beryl and his siblings can vouch for her as she always keeps her word. And if that doesn’t work for whatever reason, she’ll manage to find another way - though Connie’s afraid to ask what other methods she has in mind. Despite not seeing eye to eye with the head of the Garden, Connie agrees that she’s the best option as a go-between for the High Mage.

Connie had their objectives and Trini has hers. Two people with a grudge against the divine order should be working together, not against each other. Then again, a lot of things in life aren’t as simple. One stands with humanity, the other stands against it. Why is that? Another question that Connie’s intent on finding answers to. Whether they will like what they find out, that’ll be a bridge they’ll deal with when it comes. Again, there’s too many holes and unknowns to really come to any sort of conclusion.

So that’s a lot to deal with, and I wouldn’t know what to do if I were stuck in that kind of situation. But it’s like Connie said, you just have to focus on what you can’t do instead of driving yourself crazy or shit you have absolutely no control over. They don’t know what’s going on with Trini, so they obviously want to get to the bottom of that. While they’re willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, Connie also said that they won’t hesitate to strike back if she goes too far. Hopefully it won��t get to that point, but it has happened - see Raiden and her brother.

At least they’re keeping busy with the Radiant Springs Festival. Connie and Pai are well acquainted with the organizer, Ivanna, a traveling musician and songwriter. In fact, one of the songs Connie performed was an original the two of them wrote together in the course of one evening. That song is titled Stopping the World By Force, which seems to serve as an outlet for Connie’s frustration regarding Trini’s evasiveness. Emotions run high with this song - anger, sadness, desperation, frustration, and yet somewhat cautiously hopeful in the end. Like in an even if things don’t work out between us, I’ll still walk on with my head held high until the very end kind of thing.

The other numbers Connie and Pai performed were jazz standards, which they chose themselves. Nothing like getting into the timeless classics - they’re called that for a reason after all. I’d say Pai leans more into jazz pop while Connie’s more into the traditional classical genre, which kinda suits their personalities.

It was also a lot of fun seeing the performers in the orchestra, especially those who had their moments in the spotlight. Josette hadn’t planned on being up on stage until Madeleine and Aurelie asked her if she was interested. Madeleine and Ivanna wanted to get a mix of professional and casual but experienced musicians - Aurelie and Josette falling into the latter category. Josette was initially unsure as she was a little rusty with the violin, until Aurelie told her she was on the same page with the flute. Both of them played extensively in school and later picked it up on and off as adults for fun.

Madeleine didn’t expect to be in the orchestra too until the others insisted. She can play a variety of instruments, piano and cello being her top picks. While she’s known for being a talented pianist, she’s also a maestro on the cello. Really, the only reason why her cello playing’s not as well known is because she’s usually featured singing on stage, which is easier to do while playing the piano. Still, that doesn’t mean she can’t do it with cello, it’s more that she’s usually limited to plucking the strings - though her ability to seamlessly go from pizzicato to bow while singing is one of many reasons why she’s mesmerizing to watch.

The highlight for me was the orchestra, which was the main focus of the festival, though all the other performances I managed to catch were just as great. It’s nice watching a show where you can see the performers having as much fun as the audience, singing and playing to their favorite songs and putting their own spin on it.

Even when things aren’t looking too bright right now, that shouldn’t stop you from having a good time. Connie and Beryl certainly didn’t let their worries show in their performances, nor would they let that dampen their spirits. Sometimes all you can do is just lose yourself to the music and let that carry you to the clouds for a short period of respite. It won’t solve your problems, but it’ll give you some much needed headspace to be able to tackle these issues head on. I should take a page out of their book when I’m stuck in a difficult situation.

Read on AO3

[silvermuffins]

Okay so. Here we go! God I am. So checking hyped. Oh man. I can barely make myself get started. Little bit nervous since the person whose liveblogs made me want to do the same follows me now (hi!) but eeeeeeeeeeee

Y'all gotta understand p3 made me who I am. It has been personality-defining in several ways for ten years. I have rarely felt quite as loved as the day the announcement leaked and like four different people independently came to me like Letty did you see

In the true spirit of Akihiko Sanada, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

Okay let's dive in,,,,,

New theme song! I'm gonna miss the toast but i will give this a chance.

New visuals, stellar ones, really driving in that shit's fucked

Idk how that poll is gonna end so I'll start with just Some Thoughts at a time and then we'll see where we're going

Oh shit difficulty... Let's do normal to start. Fuck no I am not doing merciless. But I want some challenge.

Oh the opening movie is a little different....and they're letting me play already!

They are doing my boy right so far,,,, but yukari may take some getting used to. Also they pronounce iwatodai different and that will DEFINITEly take getting used to. Definitely some iykyk in there.

I am examining EVERYTHING. My guy walks fast tho goddamn. Can no longer run with hands in pockets. RIP hand/pockets.

If y'all could hear the noises I am making,,,,

THERE HE IS! THE BOY!

Shit do I have to enter the name in eastern order or is western fine? /Google/ Reddit says western! Minato Arisato walks again.

They did that contract-with-spooky-child scene pretty well despite it not still being an anime cutscene. I can accept it.

Oh she didn't point the gun at me this time. Which is less dramatic but DOES make more sense overall. I can accept it.

Once again the Noises I am making. Y'all. I am living. Checked in on that poll, so far one big post later on is winning so I'll keep at it for now!

How does this rewind thing work exactly...? Is it for like, if I fuck up a social link?

Menu looks like diving into water. All my water associations for Minato have been justified. Got he's so beautiful I'm gonna cry. "My reflection looks tired" yeah I bet it does you depresso espresso you.

Apparently there is or will be dlc of some sort! I will almost certainly obtain it.

Starting school! Wow they expanded that cutscene. Eeeeeeee. Yes I like this. It feels like home got a fresh coat of paint. It's gonna take me forever to get anything done. God. I'm. Okay give me a little while to just run around doing nonsense.

VOICED SOCIAL LINKS CONFIRMED it already was but I'm thrilled anyway

My boy is already curious about sewing. Don't worry, Minty, we will be spending so much time with a certain someone. Ooh, seems he has a decent sense of smell... Aha, there a certain someone is! So very French...

Okay, game, you win, I'll make progress. Hi, Toriumi, yes I have a tragic backstory.

Minato just `why are people keep talking to me`. Suck it up boy we're gonna meet EVERYBODY.

New VA for Junpei is great so far. I'm so glad. The previous one was a case of how truly unfortunate it is that garbage people can be good at things. But so far, the characters are sounding great!

Yukari you are not subtle. Here I am trying to cover for you and you just give Junpei the wrong idea.

"No one takes rumors seriously, anyway." Stares directly into the camera. Stares in P2 familiarity. Stares. I do not remember if this line was in the original but S T A R E S.

Getting junpei's two cents on everything and. God it makes me so happy every time a familiar song kicks in.

Doodedoo, 'splorin.

Mmkay back to the dorm. We can actually explore the kitchen? Fridge space? Can't use the kitchen yet? DO I GET TO MAKE COOKING MINTY A REALITY?

I don't have tons of commentary right now that isn't best expressed as a bunch of vague satisfied noises and squeals in a higher range than the human ear can detect. Or by wiggling furiously, which doesn't come across well in text. Know that I am wiggling furiously. Everyone looks so good. Everyone sounds so good. I'm so happy.

Okay so it's not fully fully voiced. But still! So happy.

I know it's just Like This but the game just railroading me slightly feels like AGH STOP TAKING AN HOUR TO DO ANYTHING well stop having do much to examine them (please don't stop)

Ikutsuki is here! And oh his voice,,,,,

Weeps in playing as IC as possible demanding skipping a question. Ah well. I know how I interpret my boy and that brings me joy.

Time for stuff to get creepy! Eeeeeeee. Guys I cannot wait for how they're going to show some of the freakier things. ...oh well. This cutscene with the guy going all gloopy and collapsing definitely loses a little something by being in-game rather than fully animated. Damn the way they showed it in the original was so much scarier. Ah well, can't win 'em all, I guess.

Aaaaaa is that Yukino being referenced on TV? Was she on Who's Who before? Yukino <3

It's tiiiiime for the first full moon. Come on, Reload, you can't drop the ball on this one...! Come on, wow me! Blow me away!

Oh hey justification that sleep is probably less effective during the dark hour to go along with the standard stamina drain. Neat! Love getting my head canons confirmed. That said, also enough room for other interpretations. You love to see it.

Really like this just collapsing on the bed thing. Shaking it up! Ftr it's like super creepy that they have a camera and what looks like fucking heart monitor on Minato. But I am here for the creepy. And there goes the attack and Akihiko getting hurt and Yukari sent to escape with me.

Ohhhh please let me swap weapons around. Don't lock me into just swords. I want hammer.

I know it's all panic and scary RN but that kind of just makes it hilarious that I can still examine everything. Poor Yukari just dealing with Minato not being freaked at all.

HNNNNNN THEY DID NOT FUMBLE. I didn't think they would because like, out of everything, they've gotta get the Awakening right! But still! Hoodamn!

BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY

Oooh so the tutorial mara DID split off as scraps of the Magician! Huh so this is the battle interface...ngl I kinda miss the revolver menu, that was good shit. And now we go splat.

Igor: STOP BEING A BAG OF SOGGY POTATO CHIPS AND MAKE FRIENDS

One week later,

Backstory storytime with Yukari! I am a protagonist and thus a designated therapist. I am absolutely the person to pay your parental issues on. Never mind that Persona 2 firmly established the existence of actual therapists in this universe.

God. I'm gonna cry. My beautiful boy,,,,, I missed this so much. I'm a goddamn broken record. I said numerous times that I'm completely incapable of being normal about this. Fuck I'm tearing up.

Yes, Junpei. An upset stomach. That's definitely what kept me out of school for a week.

Mr. Ono just wants to talk about his special interest and he is so valid. Please tell me everything about samurai.

Real talk there had to be so many rumors and gossip about Minato. New transfer student - already a hot topic. Walks to school with Yukari on his first day, to stir the pot. After like three days he's suddenly absent for a week. Like, there's no way people didn't talk, right?

??? THAT's new. "Twilight Shard" on my bed making me feel like Legend of Zelda came to visit. Unless that's what we're calling plumes of dusk now.

I think they've given Ikutsuki even more puns. I join the team with very little convincing because supernatural danger isn't something to be leery of at all.

Nor are spooky little boys no one else can see who appear to me in the middle of the night bearing cryptic warnings of impending doom. I give him a good ol' doudemoii and go back to sleep.

Junpei joins the team! We support a guy willing to admit he was crying on the ground.

Trying to remember to report what's actually happening in the game, too. Don't wanna assume everybody is already familiar. I do wanna convince anyone who isn't to become familiar though. Anyway yes Junpei this is a thing we don't talk about. Except when we do, out in public.

Ooooh please don't fumble this bit! Tartar sauce! I am almost through the intro! ...wait I don't think THIS happened before? What's going on? Why are we delayed? ...oh. Oh that's, uh, bad. So for those who don't know, death and suicide are major topics of discussion in this game. You have been warned.

People jumping onto the tracks is not something I recall though... Maybe they're just driving in Apathy Syndrome as a major problem? Or I just plain forgot since, y'know, ten years. But I have reviewed since then... Junpei I would love to secret late night menu with you but we have an intro to get through.

Okay! Tartarus! ...they could have made that weirder. Less euclidean. But I can accept it. Wheeee dungeon crawling time! Oh fuck the menu is so stylish. I love it. Okay, time to kill things. Oooh, Tartarus looks good! Hate-love how it almost looks like it's breathing or something, real uncanny. Love the falling black feathers.

I wonder if they're keeping the condition system... I guess I'll find out! Oh, All Our Attacks are so nice.... We get finishing touches! Done and dusted! ....shuffle time doesn't do any shuffling anymore? Ohhh I guess Twilight Fragments are basically keys...

Doodedoo more tutorials. Someday I'll be free. I am getting kinda tired though...

Drags Junpei all over town to examine everything. Meanwhile the bgm sings "my life will turn out to be so cruel"...yeah because Junpei stops me from going to every restaurant. Hm, based on these police station offerings, I think I might be stuck with just swords, which is a little bit bullshit. Unless versatility is something I unlock later?

Come to think of it, Kurosawa probably has a heck of a story, if he knows shit's fucky but not what's going on... What are these personal connections of his? And how did the kirijo group get in touch with him?

....wait what's this about only the track and field team accepting new members? I know it makes the most sense, but I wanna swim! Are they going to force-track me?

Hm... I thiiiink I'm gonna just study in the library. I have no money to put toward anything else, and if things are the same academics is a bitch to max out.

It is now 3 am and my head hurts, so I'm gonna wrap it up here for tonight!

[ithebookhoarder]

Can I get 83 off the angst list with Javier??? It's: Stay there I'm coming to get you

100 ways to say ily Prompt 83: “Stay there. I’m coming to get you” (Javier Peña x F!Reader)

A/N: Ooo, right in the angst. Let’s get to it! I also assume you meant this prompt list rather than the angst one as that’s only up to 20 ;) Don’t worry. I got you tho! I hope you like it x  Apologies for my terrible attempts at Spanish, so let me know if I got any of it wrong.

Warnings: Swearing, violence, blood, references to death (let me know if I missed anything)

Masterlist:

-------

“Javi?”

“Y/N?” 

The sound of his voice was soft as you held the phone to your ear. You could hear the soft echo of music playing in the background telling you he was definitely at home. 

Why wouldn’t he be, given the hour? It was the morning. 3 am to be precise. He should have been asleep. You should have been asleep, but no, you’d had to chase this lead alone. Like an idiot. A strong willed idiot who should have known better. 

But no. The idea of being able to catch one of Escobar’s top employees had been too tempting an opportunity to miss despite the fact the ambassador had said otherwise. In fact, he’d said fuck no, telling all of you to wait it out and get another source to confirm it. 

Apparently a friend of one of Javi’s ex informants wasn’t what they called reliable... even though she had direct access to the people supposed to be gathering tonight at the club you’d been staking out. 

Two hours you’d watched from your car, having snuck out to do so. If Javier and Steve had wanted to behave for once, then that was their call. They could stay and fill out paperwork to their hearts content. 

You didn’t need them for what was supposed to be a routine stake out and observation mission. 

Or so you’d thought. 

The fact you’d been made by one of the gang about thirty minutes after you’d entered the club had put a pretty big dampener on your plan. You hadn’t noticed as they’d arrived, recognising you after you’d almost caught them at a raid only days ago. 

The sicario had slipped away, managing to leap across one of the roofs as you’d chased them across. Had Steve not grabbed your arm and told you it was too dangerous a jump to risk, you’d have followed. 

But here he was, back and ready for payback... and he’d been quick to point you out to the others surrounding him. 

You knew it had been risky to be here and unfortunately, you were proved horrifically right. The fact you’d got away was a minor miracle, even if you were now bleeding. Badly. 

Damn bullet had missed but the graze was agonising, causing you to wince as you clutched at your side, trying to stem the bleeding as best you could. 

“Javi... I messed up.”

“Y/N, hermosa. What is it? What’s wrong? Where are you?”

His questions were relentless, firing one after the other as he detected the fear in your voice. The pain and regret too. 

“I’m ... I’m in an alley... by Fiebre... I’m sorry...”

“No, no. Don’t be sorry. It’s ok,” Javi soothed, panic underlying each word. You could hear him clattering about, most likely grabbing his keys and rushing out of the apartment next to yours. He didn’t need to ask to know what you were doing or why you were there. He knew you too well. He also knew you wouldn’t be calling like this if you weren’t in trouble. Trouble serious enough he had to get to you. Fast. “I’m on my way. Just stay there. I’m coming to get you.” 

A tear rolled down your cheek as the air suddenly felt a lot colder. Like Javi had just turned on the stupid faulty AC unit in your apartment, like he always did when it got late and he was staying over to look over material or keeping you company. 

God. What you’d have given to have him there to hold you right then. To wrap his familiar leather jacket around you like he always did when you forgot a jacket of your own, still forgetting that the hot days often fell into cooler nights. 

You longed for its touch, its scent, its comfort as you stared at the sky and prayed you lived long enough to regret this. 

“Fuck.” Your car was just down the street. You were so close but you didn’t know if you had the strength to make it there. “Javi... I’m bleeding... the bullet... it hit my side... it won’t stop.”

“Y/N, baby. Listen to me. We’re coming. Steve and I. It’s gonna be ok. Just keep talking to me, ok? Put pressure on it and don’t fall asleep. You hear me?”

“Javi-“

“I’m fucking serious, hermosa. You hear me? You better keep your damn eyes open long enough so I can look at them when we get there, and you make some stupid wise crack about all this.”

A car door slammed. Voices rang out over the line. You could hear an engine start. 

“Javi... I love you... I really do...”

“Y/N? Y/N?”

His voice sounded desperate, terrified even, as you faded away, failing to reply. You simply felt the edges of your vision beginning to dim and the inevitable pull of sleep tugging you toward an abyss you knew there would be no coming back from. 

You couldn’t fight it any longer.

A single tear trickled down your cheek and you felt the phone drop from your hand onto the cold concrete beneath you. 

“I’m sorry.”

——— 

“-y tienes suerte de que te quiera mucho. Odio los hospitales. este lugar es jodidamente horrible. No puedo dejarte aquí solo. no cuando te vas a despertar en cualquier momento. ¿Me escuchas? Tú vas a-“

The voices were coming in waves, washing over you and disappearing just as quickly. 

It was hard to try and hold on to, even if you wanted to. This voice in particular was soft and tempting, familiar even... Coaxing you in over and over every time you slipped back into the darkness that was so warm and soft. 

You’d always been a deep sleeper, slamming your alarm harder than necessary whenever it tried to wake you. 

Now was the same... even if you knew it shouldn’t be. Even if you felt odd, like you were supposed to be somewhere and you’d forgotten... 

But where?

“She should have woken by now-“

“Javi, calm down. She’s gonna be fine. The doctor said so. She just needs to rest. Have a little faith in her. She’s tough. She’ll pull through this.”

“But if she doesn’t ... Steve, I can’t...”

“Hey. Look at me, Peña. It’s gonna be alright. Now come on. Connie said she’d bring some clothes for you...”

There they were. The voices again. 

Somehow, you knew that they were trying to pull you back to wherever you were supposed to be. 

To the aching you felt. To the mechanical beeping you could hear. To the painfully bright lights hovering overhead. 

To the weight and warmth of someone’s hand holding yours. 

To the familiar face pressed against the bed as he slept, holding you hand tightly as if scared to let you go. 

“Javi?” you croaked. 

Like that, he was awake. 

You worried he’d have whiplash, he sat up so fast, eyes wide in disbelief as he realised you were awake. “Y/N? Oh, thank God!” 

“Y/N?”

“Steve?” you rasped, noticing your other partner as he leapt out of his chair in the corner of the room. The relief was clear as he smiled and hurried to the door. 

“Thank god. I’m gonna grab a nurse.” 

“Ok.” You smiled and turned to Javier who was still holding your hand tight, watching you with bloodshot eyes. “What... how long was I-?”

“Three days,” he whispered. “You really scared me there for a second, hermosa. You... you lost so much blood and they weren’t sure you were gonna make it.” 

“I’m sorry.”

The sight of tears in his eyes was more painful than the bullet hole that was currently sending white hot agony shooting through your side. You’d never seen Javi so torn up before. Never. The worst was when he’d sit silently and smoke for hours without even moving. 

As much as you hated that, you’d take that any day over this. Knowing you were the cause. 

“No. Don’t be,” he dismissed swiftly. “I mean yeah, I wanna shoot you myself for running off and pulling a dumb fucking stunt like that but I get it... I really do. I’d have done the same thing. Hell, I have done the same thing. I just wish you’d asked me to come. Or even Murphy. We would have.”

“The ambassador had his eye on you after the raid this week,” you protested weakly, wincing at the pain in your side as you tried to sit up. “I couldn’t risk you or Murphy or your jobs like that.” 

“Fuck our jobs.”

“Javi -“

“No, hermosa. Listen. I mean this. You come first, understood? Always,” Javi snarled, kissing the back of your hand. “I love you and I mean that. Life isn’t worth it without you. This job means shit all without you. You come first? Ok. Always. Seeing you lying there with all the blood on you... it made me realise a few things and this is one of them. I don’t want a life or a future without you in it.” 

You couldn’t help it as the tears began to flow again, your heart swelling with love for the man in front of you. You couldn’t help but reach out and brush your fingers through his hair as you’d done so many nights before. 

“I love you too, Javier Peña.”

“Good. Remember that when Steve gets back and starts ripping into your ass,” Javier teased, lightening up now that your were awake and talking again. “I won’t be able to save you then, carino. Sorry. Sicarios are one thing, but Murphy? He’s almost as terrifying as Connie.”

Oh fuck. You’d forgotten about Connie. Oh she was gonna kill you. Big time. 

That woman was the biggest mother hen you’d met in your entire life. She’d also probably have your ass on house arrest for the rest of your life after this stunt. 

“Shit,” you whined, dropping back against the pillows. “It was good while it lasted.”

“And good thing we get to do it all again another time,” he hummed. “Just ... not for a while, ok? Not until you’re on your feet.” 

“You mean, not until Connie says so?”

Javi didn’t even flinch as he nodded, deadly serious. “Yep. 100 percent.”

------

Translation: “and you are lucky i love you so much. i hate hospitals. this place is fucking horrid. i cant leave you here alone. not when you are going to wake up any minute now. you hear me? you are going to-”

[missjaystone]

Familiar Faces

Summary: Sam sets out to find his soulmate after his dream life wound up being just that, a dream. He just wants to find his happy ever after. Word Count: 3,930 Pairing(s): Sam Wilson x Reader Warnings: Death (mentioned), Smut, Rough(ish) sex

(This is the sequel to ‘Old Faces’, please read that one first)

Sam didn't tell anyone what happened in his dream if you could call it that; now that he was awake and knew none of that ever happened, it felt like a nightmare or a cruel joke. He dug through old boxes for close to two hours before he found what he was looking for; a box with a handful of pictures from the time he spent with you and Riley before they shipped out. You'd sent the pictures to them not long after they left, he kept them along with the letters you wrote them in a little lockbox. He always kept the key for it on his keychain. He scrambled to look at different letters and pictures for your address, he knew it was on there somewhere.

Half an hour and a dozen groans of frustration and he finally found it! '3197 N 10th St, Washington DC', it was written clear as day and he could recognize your handwriting from a mile away; it was always a little slanted to the side and it was usually smudged in at least three places because your hand always ran across it when you wrote or went back to dot your i's and cross your t's. "FRIDAY, can you look up the owner of 3197 North 10th st in Washington, DC? And their contact information?" He called out to the AI. There was a confirmation sound before it answered in 20 seconds "it's owned by Richard and Owen Johnson." He frowned some "can you look up anyone named y/f/n y/l/n in DC?" Another sound before the AI answered him "there are two thousand four hundred thirteen people with that name." He groaned "how many of them went to the FBI academy in Quantico?" "None," the AI said almost immediately. "Open the search nationwide-no, global, then crosscheck it with anyone who served or actively serves as a special agent with the FBI or any of America's agencies," he ordered, he was getting nervous. His mind started to wander; what if something awful happened to you? The AI's voice broke him out of his thoughts "there is one person in the United States that fits that criteria."

"Where? Where is she?" Sam asked excitedly. "Records indicate she lived in New Haven, Connecticut the past year but a rental application for an apartment in Greenwich Village can be found as well, both dated within the past two weeks." Sam's hopes were quickly rising as he wrote the new address down. "Where's the closest VA office to her apartment?" Sam finally asked after debating. He couldn't just show up on your doorstep out of the blue, but showing up at the VA in the hope you'd go there like any other veteran wouldn't be so weird would it? He'd look the place up online and find a meeting schedule later, now he just wanted to go back to sleep for a bit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After visiting the VA for two weeks, and no sign of you, Sam was beginning to lose hope and get worried again. Steve encouraged him to go out for a drink with him and Bucky if only to distract him for a night. Bucky all but dragged him with them when Sam said he'd rather not. On the car ride to the bar, Sam figured a couple of drinks wouldn't hurt, what's the worst that could happen. He took a seat at the bar and ordered a beer, looking around the crowded bar curiously. He'd only been there for ten minutes when he decided to get out for some fresh air, slipping away from his friends while they were briefly distracted. He didn't know where it was taking him but he followed the part of his brain that told him to walk down the street. Maybe he followed his mind, hoping the pull would somehow lead to you. He wanted nothing more than to believe that soulmates had a special bond that pulled them together, maybe that's just what he needed to think to stay sane.

He needed to believe all the stories he heard growing up about soulmates being pulled together, about how nothing could keep them apart from one another. He may have denied it initially but he was well past that. No other woman he saw made him feel the way you did; he knew they never could. He started walking past a park but stopped, not giving it a second thought when his mind told him to go in. With it being almost 9 on a weeknight, he wasn't surprised the park was devoid of kids and adults. Then he saw the figure sitting on top of the monkey bars and he smiled to himself.

"Little late to be out isn't it?" He asked when he stopped a couple of feet behind the figure. "Says the man who's also out at this time," was the reply, accompanied by a quiet laugh. "I had a dream you were here, you know," Sam admitted sheepishly. If it wasn't so dark out and he wasn't behind you, you would've seen his blushing face "I mean, not here exactly, I had a dream you were in New York. I've been looking just about everywhere for you." "Work keeps me busy, I've technically lived here for two weeks but I've only spent about three days in town," you answered. "Understandable," he said with a quiet, nervous laugh. A silence filled the space around you both. Sam knew what he wanted to say, what he needed to say. He sighed quietly and bit his lip "I'm sorry I disappeared on you after we lost him. You needed someone to lean on and it should have been me. I shouldn't have let my own emotions consume me and leave you in the dust," he finally said.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Sam, losing him was as huge for you as it was for me. I was never mad at you; your feelings were your own and you did what was best for yourself. I can't be mad at you for taking care of yourself," you told him, finally looking over at him. He started to argue but you knew what he'd say "I mean it, Sam. I don't ever want you to feel bad for taking care of yourself. You knew what you needed, I knew what I needed and that's that." "I thought you blamed me for his death though, I should've-" he started to argue. You shushed him "people always want to find someone to blame when things go wrong, even if that person is themselves, it's supposed to make it easier to accept I think, because if someone is to blame, then a bad thing didn't just happen, it had a reason behind it. There's nothing you could have done to save him, you were both doing your jobs. I know you think it's your fault but it isn't, Sam, and I never thought otherwise."

Sam smiled, he felt like a weight he didn't even know he carried had been lifted. He'd heard it before but it only ever took away part of the blame he felt. Hearing it from you made it feel true, you saying it made him believe it. He felt like he could breathe again. "You know, I didn't want you to be my soulmate," he said, eyes widening immediately in embarrassment. That's not how he wanted it to come out. "Ouch," you mumbled but held back a laugh. You'd seen him nervous before, it was usually a little entertaining. "I mean I did! Don't get me wrong, god I wanted it but I always worried I'd be too old for you, you know. I didn't want you to get stuck with someone old enough to be your young dad, I thought maybe you'd be able to find someone closer to your age, someone who wasn't friends with the guy who basically raised you," he rambled quickly.

You rolled your eyes and let out a laugh before leaning over the edge of the monkey bars until you were hanging upside down, face to face with him "why would I do that? I didn't have a bond with anyone else the way I did with you. Age be damned, I was an adult when we met, and I was and am more than capable of making my own choices." "Maybe I was just too scared of being rejected then. Do you know how much it's supposed to hurt when your soulmate rejects you?" He asked with a small hum, his hand gently coming up to cup your cheek.

"Oh please, who in their right mind could reject you?" You asked and flashed a small smirk. "God you're a pain," he said jokingly before stepping forward and planting his lips on yours in a gentle kiss. It had a passionate, longing feel to it, like it was something you'd both been waiting for ages for it. Your hanging upside down made it a little awkward but that didn't deter either of you. You tried to pull him closer, only to struggle; you lightly shoved his chest when he laughed. "So, I'm not getting rejected right?" Was the first thing he said when your lips separated. His tone was joking but even in the dark, you could see the nervous look on his face. "I'd never reject you, Sam; I love you," you told him, looking directly into his eyes so he knew you meant it.

He beamed a bright grin, rubbing his thumb over your cheekbone softly "I love you too, I wish it hadn't taken so long for this to happen, for us to finally end up together." "Me too, Sam," you were grinning from ear to ear as you looked at him. "Can I take you out to dinner tomorrow?" He asked happily. "I'd like that a lot, maybe you can tell me what you've been up to and why two men are staring at us," you stated with a grin. When he gave you a confused look, you nodded past him where two men were stood at the park's entrance, trying (and failing) to look nonchalant and acting like they weren't trying to eavesdrop. "Shoo!" Sam yelled when he looked back at them. He let out an exasperated sigh and an embarrassed chuckle "just a guy who ripped my steering wheel out of my car while I was in it and another guy who likes to show off by frequently running past me. Don't worry, they're just lonely old men, I promise they won't always be around to watch like that." You laughed and grinned "well I can't wait to hear those stories."

When the blood rushing to your head became too much, you finally got off the monkey bars and stretched. You didn't hesitate to kiss him, this time wrapping your arms around him. His own arms were around your waist in an instant, drawing you close until you were flush against his chest. This one was sweeter than before, it was calm and comforting. "How about we go grab a bite to eat right now? There's a pretty good burger place open until midnight a block and a half away," he offered. "Then what're we still doing standing here?" You asked sarcastically, a teasing smile on your face as you took his hand in yours and laced your fingers together. "That's my girl," he laughed to himself and begin walking with you. "By the way, was that Captain America watching us?" You asked after walking in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes. "Yup, unfortunately," Sam chuckled. "So you're either a superhero or some kind of terrorist now?" You teased. "Yeah, but if I tell which one I'd have to kill you," he said with a playful nudge to your side. "Right," you said sarcastically, both of you immediately bursting into laughter. Life felt right. You felt happy for the first time since your godfather's death.

The walk was quick and since it was almost 9:30 at night, almost nobody else was there so you got your food quickly. "So, we're fighting this guy in an airport, and I swear I don't think he's ever been in a fight before because he is so damn talkative. I mean it, he won't shut up. Anyway, he shoots this white substance at us, which in and of itself is unsettling and we're stuck on the ground. He's still talking and it's like a villain's monologue except it wasn't terrifying, it was annoying. I call in Redwing and he just launches this guy out the window and then Bucky says 'you couldn't have done that sooner' and I so badly wanted to smack him or at the very least send him flying through a window," Sam explains, rolling his eyes dramatically while you laughed, having to put down your burger so you didn't take a bite and choke. "And Bucky's the one who ripped your steering wheel out, right?" You asked, just to be sure. "Yup and every day with that dumbass is a test," Sam laughed and grinned. "Well, it's a good thing you have experience with dumbasses, huh?" You asked jokingly. "You know I do, baby."

You and Sam actually wound up staying at the place until they closed at midnight. Once you left, you two just began walking around, savoring each other's company and getting close again. "You wanna go back to my place? It's not that far from here," you offered with a smile. "Really? I thought you lived in Greenwich, I saw the apartment application online," he admitted before coughing and clearing his throat; he really didn't want to mention how much information he looked up online. "I applied to it but found a place here in Manhattan I liked better," you'd question him later about that little tidbit of information he had.

True to your word, the walk to your home was only fifteen minutes tops. "Sorry about all the boxes everywhere, I'm still unpacking everything," you apologized with a sheepish smile as you closed the front door behind you. "I've seen worse, baby, don't worry about it," he said with a casual shrug and a smile. Another silence fell upon you as you looked at each other. Even being together, there was still a pull and you both felt it. He gently pulled you to him and kissed you. This time, the kiss was desperate and hungry, consuming both of you. He held you by your hips, keeping you as close as physically possible. Your arm wrapped around his neck while your free hand cupped his cheeks as the kiss became more heated. It was like you suddenly couldn't get enough of each other.

When Sam finally broke away from the kiss, a small groan leaving his lips as he looked down at you with lust-darkened eyes "where's your bedroom?" "Down the hall, last door on the left," you mumbled, already dragging him down the hallway as you spoke. You'd taken two steps into the room when he picked you up and semi-gracefully tossed you onto the bed. He quickly moved to cover your body with his, caging you beneath him as he attacked your neck with kisses and a few soft bites. There was an urgency in both of your movements as you each hurried to undress the other while trying to keep as little space as possible between your bodies.

Soon, clothes were strewn across the bedroom; your bra was thrown over the lamp on your bedside table, his boxes landed in front of your dresser with his pants not far away. His fingers delved deep into your core and moved slowly, the little moans and gasps of pleasure spurring him on. The way his fingers repeatedly grazed over those spots you had trouble reaching even with your best toys had you melting underneath him. He watched with a proud, adoring smirk as he brought you right up to the edge before stopping and pulling his fingers out. He chuckled when you groaned in frustration, looking up at him pleadingly "Sam!"

"Hm?" He asked, a small teasing smirk on his face as he slowly licked them clean. You narrowed your eyes for a second before returning a teasing smirk of your own "either fuck me yourself or I'll use one of my toys while you sit in a corner." Sam tried to hide the way his eyes widened briefly "you wouldn't dare." You nodded with a smug smile on your face "well, my friend got me a new thrusting vibrator as a joke gift and I haven't had time to use it yet." You looked at each other in a silent staring contest, daring the other to do something. "God damn it, I can't tell if you're bluffing," he mumbled before crashing his lips to yours in a fervorous kiss which you were more than happy to return.

Sam haphazardly wrapped your legs around his waist and after impatiently lining his member at your entrance, he slowly thrust into you. You both let out groans of pleasure, your head falling back onto the pillow while he buried his face in the crook of your neck. He started dragging his hips slowly, just savoring the feeling of being with you in a way so intimate he thought he'd only dream it. Once he got more comfortable, he set a slow pace, savoring the feeling of each slow drag of his hips. Your soft moans were music to his ears, and knowing that he was the cause made his heart swell. "I love you so much," your voice was soft and breathy, he could tell you were right there with him on cloud 9. You looked so peaceful as he slowly fucked into you and if he could take a picture, he'd do it in a heartbeat. Your eyes closed and lips slightly parted from the pure bliss you felt. If only your eyes were open, you'd have seen the switch that flipped in his mind when you softly moaned his name.

When he got comfortable, he slowly pulled his hips back until the tip was just barely in before slamming back into the hilt, smirking at the loud moan you let out. He moved his hips fast now, making sure to reach the innermost depths of your cunt with each stroke of his cock. "F-fuck, S-sam!" You almost screamed when he started roughly playing with your clit. He smirked down at you, eyes completely dark now as he asked: "yeah, you think a toy can do this? Can a piece of plastic fuck you this way?" He pinched your clit when you took too long to answer him, making your words hitch in your throat, his hips pistoning into you brutally. You quickly shook your head while your nails dug into his shoulders, a quiet 'no' leaving your lips as you shook your head. "Louder, I want everyone to hear it, I wanna hear you tell everyone who fucks you this good," his voice was becoming husky and his thrusts came harder, punctuating every few words.

"You, Sam! No-no toy can fun me like this!" You shouted, body beginning to shake as your orgasm quickly crept closer. "Yeah? Who's girl are you, huh? Don't you dare cum until I say so," He demanded, grabbing your jaw and making you look directly into his eyes. "Yours, Sam! I'm yours!" You choked out, a low whine following your words while a few tears of pure pleasure ran down your cheeks. "Who owns your cunt, baby? Scream his name so all of New York knows and then you can cum all over my dick," he demanded again, squeezing your jaw slightly. His own hips were stuttering as he did everything he could to hold back. "Sam!" You screamed his name like a prayer before being blinded by white-hot pleasure as you came undone beneath him. A strangled groan escaped his throat as he came, his face falling to your chest as his hips rolled slowly. He could hear your heart pounding in your chest before he reluctantly pulled his softening member out of you and collapsed next to you.

He watched your panting form for a few moments before he got up and went to the bathroom. When he returned with a damp rag, he moved the covers away and gently cleaned your combined arousal from between your legs, frowning some at the way your body jolted at his touch. "I didn't hurt you did I?" He asked nervously. You shook your head, sending him a lazy smile "no, no I'm fine, Sam." "Are you sure? Because I know I got a little rough. I have no idea where that came from, I just-when you moaned my name it set something off I guess," he rambled with a nervous frown still on his face. With a quiet groan, you made yourself sit up so you could look at him. You cupped his cheeks and smiled "that was the best sex I've ever had, I'm fine, just a little sore because it's been a while." "How long?" He asked curiously before he could stop himself. You laughed some "three years, like I said work keeps me busy." He smiled and laid down, carefully pulling you with him "that makes both of us, baby."

The way he slowly rubbed your back made you melt in his embrace, sighing happily. He planted a soft kiss to your temple and yawned "I love you so much, (y/n). There's no place I'd rather be in this moment, or ever again." "I love you too, Sam, so damn much," you whispered, eyes falling shut as you snuggled close to him. A comfortable silence filled the room but only for a minute before Sam spoke again "wait, are you on anything?" You shook your head "we'll deal with that in the morning, I don't have the energy right now."

He fell silent but you could feel his eyes on you. When you opened your eyes again to look at him, you couldn't quite read the expression on his face "what?" He bit his lip in thought, debating on whether to say what was on his mind "well, what if we didn't deal with it?" "What?" You asked him, your confusion evident. "I'm just saying, what if we didn't deal with it, y'know. What if we just let whatever happens happen?" He suggested sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck as he spoke. "Sam, are you suggesting that we-?" You asked, your brain unwilling to find and utter the words. "Look, (y/n), I spent all these years without you and now I feel like I have to make up for lost time. Don't worry, I'll respect if you aren't ready or don't want that. I just want you to know that's where I'm at," he said softly, absentmindedly playing with your fingers.

You'd never given much thought to family life but thinking about it with Sam, having children and raising a family together, it sounded appealing. It suddenly felt like something you couldn't live without. You pecked his lips softly before resting your head back on his chest, closing your eyes "let's just go to sleep and see what happens in the weeks to come." You could hear the fondness in his voice when he spoke "if it's a boy, can we name him Paul after my dad?" "Obviously, now turn the light off and go to sleep," you mumbled tiredly, earning a tired, quiet laugh.

[mammonshuman92]

- Voice Actor  -

(Mammon & Levi x MC)

*tap tap tap*

You pecked on Mammon's door, before letting yourself in. He was sprawled across his bed, messing with his D.D.D., visibly bored. He looked up to see who had entered the room, pleased to see it was you, he eagerly sat up.

"MC! Whatcha up to?" He was practically bouncing in place with excitement like a 5 year old. You couldn't help but smile at how he was always happy to see you.

"Not much. I was studying for the upcoming test in Devildom Law, but I needed a break. I came to see if you wanted to go get coffee or something and get out of the house for a little while" you said.

He jumped up off the bed, excitement all over his face, "Yes! I-I mean I guess I'll go with you." He said, trying to hide his enthusiasm as he shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away, trying to act as though he wasn't completely over the moon that you asked HIM to go with you.

"Of course you want to spend time with The Great Mammon" he beamed.

You giggled at him. "You were dying of boredom, weren't you?" You asked him with a smile.

He waved his hand around "That's beside the point. Let's go!"

-

The two of you walked the streets of the Devildom, talking and laughing until you reached your destination. A little coffee shop nestled snugly on a side street, away from all the hustle and bustle of downtown. You found it (thanks to Satan's recommendation) shortly after arriving in the Devildom. You loved the atmosphere of the quiet, tiny establishment. You walk inside and are met with the warm aroma of various coffees and pastries.

You turn to Mammon, "Order whatever. I'm buying."

He frowns at you, "I'm not always broke, ya know? I just did a photo shoot a couple days ago." He looks away from you and crosses his arms, trying to act pouty.

You know that he hates it when you pay for stuff but as the Avatar of Greed he also isn't going to turn it down. It just kinda hurts his pride a little.

"Don't be like that" you say, elbowing him playfully, "I don't care who is buying, I just need caffeine"

After getting your coffee and snacks, you opt to sit outside at one of the little patio tables since it's such a beautiful day.

You and Mammon chit chat back and forth about RAD and his modeling and whatnot when you see someone familiar across the street. Mammon turns around to see what you're looking at.

"Is that Levi?" He asks, squinting his eyes. "He looks mad"

Levi was visibly angry.

You call out to him and wave when he finally sees you, gesturing for him to join the two of you. Mammon made a face at you and sat back in his chair.

"Why'd ya go and do that?" He pouted. "I can never just have ya to myself" he mumbled dejectedly. You pretened not to hear him as Levi walked up. Something had definitely made him mad. His face was red, eyebrows furrowed and you could practically see smoke coming out of his ears.

"What's wrong, Levi?" You asked as he sat down.

"It's just not fair!" He whined. "A new limited edition merch box for "That time my life got turned upside down because my homework got eaten by a possessed cheeseburger" just came out and I stayed up all night refreshing Akuzon waiting for it to drop and I fell asleep for like 7 minutes and missed it!! It had autographed merch from the voice actors and everything!!" He ranted before laying his head face down on the table.

"Whaaa? Possessed cheeseburger?? That sounds like something Beel would watch" Mammon said.

Levi sat back up, "He's actually the one who showed it to me and then I fell in love and became a superfan. Anyway, I went to the anime shop because I saw on their blog that they had 2 of those merch boxes, but again I was too late!! My life is over!!" He plopped his head back down on the table.

As hard as you tried, you couldn't keep from laughing. Mammon looked at you surprised and Levi lowkey was glaring at you. "It's not funny MC!" He grumbled. You just looked at him with a stupid big smile.

"I forgot that I never told you guys"

They looked at each other puzzled. "Told us what?" Levi inquired.

"Have you all never wondered what I do for money?" You asked.

They thought about it for a second.

"Now that ya mention it, I never have seen you work at Hell's Kitchen or anything. I guess I just assumed you were rich." Mammon said.

You giggled "No, I'm not rich. Although, what I do keeps me from having to get a regular job."

"..So, what is it you do then?" Levi questioned impatiently. He wasn't in the mood for any of this.

"I'm a voice actor. Surprise!" You finally reveal. Without missing a beat, you get into the persona of the main character from Levi's anime.

Mammon just looks at you sort of confused while Levi's eyes get as big as saucers and he starts stammering.

"M-MC!!! W-w-what is happening r-right now?!" His face and ears are bright red. "Is this a d-dream?!"

He launches into a barrage of questions. Demanding to know EVERYTHING. As it turns out, you are a VA from several of his anime. At one point you're pretty sure he stopped breathing.

"Levi? Are you alright?" You ask him. He was better than alright, he was over the moon!

"W-why have you never mentioned this highly important information b-before?! " He stammered. He's so excited he can barely talk.

"The shows I've done aren't very well know in the Devildom so I just assumed you all had never heard of them." You said with a shrug.

"Ya know", you continued "I have merch from the show, I'm only one of the VA's but I'd be more than happy to autograph it for you." You offered.

Levi definitely stopped breathing this time.

-

After the three of you returned to the House of Lamentation, Mammon went straight to his room. You assumed he was pouting. You were able to escape Levi for a few moments under the guise of wanting to shower. He begrudgingly accepted and eagerly awaited your return. (After all, you were the voice of some of his favorite 2D characters, and an anime marathon was a must!)

You went to Mammon's room, and not bothering to knock, flung open the door.

Oh, he was 100% pouting now that his "alone time" with you was ruined.

He was sitting on the couch with his back turned toward you when you walked into the room. You made your way over and sat next to him. You apologized and swore you'd make it up to him. He didn't budge.

"I'm pretty sure Levi is gonna keep me up all night watching anime, so I'm definitely gonna need more caffeine in the morning." You hinted.

Mammon just kept pouting, head turned away from you.

You stood up and slowly made your way to the door.

"I guess if you're not interested, I'll just have to find another demon to take me on a coffee date." You said over your shoulder.

He jumped up, "W-wait! Don't be askin' nobody else!" He stammered, getting flustered. Trying to backpedal, he crossed his arms, "I guess The Great Mammon accepts your apology.

You smiled at him, causing a dusting of pink to develop on his cheeks.

"I'm pickin' the place though. Don't want anyone interrupting my time with ya again" he grumbled.

"It's a date then." You said with a smile.

Before shutting the door you were pretty sure you saw his cheeks turn even more pink.

[inkribbon796]

Lost in a Lightning Storm Ch. 2: Far from Home

Summary: You shouldn’t talk about people, and not expect them to find out.

Chapters: 1, 2

While Henrik and Anti were talking to Tubbo and Logan, and then subsequently went off to Nate’s house to do some research, Mare went to go find Anti.

Anti was cackling with the Duke on some rooftop, who had escaped arrest after the chaos he had created. The two chaos-loving criminals were laughing and joking.

“Anti! Your boyfriend is getting too brave, you gotta[1] do something!” Mare said as he leaned over a massive air conditioning unit to get into the glitch’s face. Anti was lying on his back on the rooftop.

“Ooooooohhh~ You have a boyfriend?” Remus gave a huge smile, turning on his stomach and kicking his feet up like they were a bunch of pre-teens at a slumber party. “And you didn’t tell your best friend? For shame.”

“Shut up,” Anti kicked him in the face. Then he turned back to Mare. “I don’t got[2] a boyfriend.”

“Oh, yeah, then what the hell is he?” Mare bit back.

“None ‘a yer fookin’ business,”[3] Anti spat back.

“M’kay,[4] whatever,” Mare rolled his eyes. “Point is, he’s trying to find you.”

“I’m right here, let ‘im[5],” Anti scoffed, still lying on the ground.

“No, the old you, the human one,” Mare warned.

“Why?” Anti spat.

“I don’t know, humans are dumb,” Mare spat. “He’s your problem, you deal with him.”

“Fook[6] you!” Anti spat and stormed off.

Directly after he stormed off, he realized that he hadn’t asked Mare where Henrik was. But it was too late to storm off. Mostly because he overheard Remus trying to weedle information out of Mare. Anti was too in his own head to admit to even himself that he was embarrassed.

So he went out to find Henrik. Except he wasn’t at the hospital . . . and Logan didn’t seem to know where he was. He wasn’t at the hospital either so Anti ran around for a little bit and found them in Nate’s house.

For a couple moments, Anti debated on how upset Mare would be if he barged into his territory. Then he figured that if Mare didn’t want him to trespass, he shouldn’t have told him to take care of Henrik . . . and Anti had been in Nate’s house before on multiple occasions.

So Anti tripped about three alarms to get into the house and Nate and Henrik watched him stroll right into the living room where they were.

“Don’t yeh[7] two know not ta[8] talk about someone behind their back?” Anti layered on the glitching and blood as much as he could.

“You are certainly getting better at zat[9] effect,” Henrik complimented.

“You bleed on my carpet and I will stab you with a soul splitter,” Nate threatened.

Anti pulled out his knife, completely offended that they weren’t screaming in terror.

Nate helped up a stake, the wood was etched with runes and spell writing. “Anti, I don’t want to explain to the rest of your friends why you’re in pieces.”

“Why the fook are yeh diggin’ inta my personal shite?”[10] Anti demanded.

“Because zer is much I do not know about you, und I vish to correct zat,”[11] Henrik told him, Nate was on his computer, still looking through old census records and newspaper reports.

“I’m right the fook[6] here,” Anti spat.

“I cannot recall a time ven ve have ever talked about any’zing,”[12] Henrik told Anti pointedly.

Anti glared at him, his nose scrunched up like the demon was about to pull his lips back in a snarl. “Why, though? No point in lookin’[13] fer[14] a dead man.”

Henrik stood up, really studying Anti’s expression, “If it makes you uncomfortable, I can stop.”

Anti sputtered for a moment, “I don’t care.”

“I am serious Anti, if all zis[15] investigation makes you uncomfortable or vas[16] a traumatic experience, I vill[17] stop.”

A myriad of uncomfortable feelings, that Anti refused to unpack or acknowledge, prickled under his skin and boiled his blood. He absolutely refused to be afraid of some past specter he could barely remember. Anti was better than some human who’s only contribution to the world had been dying so that Anti could be brought into the world.

So instead Anti just scoffed, some derisive, forced laugh, “Whate’er yeh two arses wanna dig up some dead bitch that did me the favor ‘a dyin’, go ahead. Here, I’ll e’en help.”[18]

Henrik watched for any sign that Anti was joking or would destroy Nate’s computer. “If you are certain.”

“Oh yeah,” Anti dismissed. “What did yeh shitebags find?”[19]

“Well,” Nate stalled as he watched Anti walk over, he stayed braced with his stake. “Don’t break my stuff.”

“I won’t,” Anti smiled. “Come on, we got some loser ta[8] find.”

“That “loser” is also a past version of you,” Nate pointedly reminded.

“Watch it, meatbag,” Anti warned. “If he wanted ta[8] stay alive, he shouldn’ta[20] died.”

“Eloquent,” Henrik commented.

“Shut,” Anti hissed back.

“Do you remember your country of origin?” Nate asked. “I’ve got several different deaths from lightning storms and factory accidents from the past 150—”

“I ne’er[21] worked in a factory,” Anti huffed, before mentally stalling because he couldn’t remember how he knew that, just that he did.

“Really?” Nate commented without even blinking. “That helps narrow it down. Means you only could have died from lightning if you’re as old as Mare says you are.”

“Mare needs ta[8] learn ta[8] keep his trap shut,” Anti scoffed.

“You were right there when he told me that, and you didn’t say anything,” Nate reminded.

Anti looked away from him, “I don’t remember this, it didn’t happen.”

“Anyways, do you remember where you came from?” Nate turned back to his computer. “I know the Septics first met you in Ireland, but are you from there too?”

“Been ta a lot ‘a places,”[22] Anti shrugged. “How am I supposed ta[8] know?”

“Well it vould[23] make it easier,” Henrik reminded.

Anti rolled his eyes, “I woke up in Australia. I hitched a ride on several hosts until I got ta[8] Ireland. I don’t know if I died there, my first ten years were a blur.”

“You are Australian?” Henrik was staring at Anti.

“No.” Hunching his shoulders up defensively, Anti glared at the doctor, “Maybe? I can’t remember. What’s it ta[8] yah[7]?”

“No, it’s not a bad thing,” Henrik rushed to say. “I just . . . it is a good thing.”

Nate and Anti just stared at him, neither of them sure which direction to take that comment, but Henrik wasn’t looking Anti in the eyes anymore. He was glancing at Anti though, a lot.

But with a country narrowed down, Nate was able to eliminate several different possible candidates. Until there were five people left, four men and one woman. Mostly because it wasn’t unheard of for gender changes to occur when a human became a demon.

“Okay,” Nate said. “We have: Caleb Carson, Hannah Laverty, Brendan O’Heyne, Angus Collins, and Joe Morrin. Does anyone sound familiar, I don’t see any pictures so . . .”

Anti’s brain felt clouded, like there was something wrong but he couldn’t place it. He felt the urge to stab something and run. Like he was in danger.

“Anti? Are you alright?” Henrik asked, there was a look on Anti’s face that the German doctor hadn’t seen on him before.

Anti’s attention drifted towards one of the names in particular. He had no memories left of that person.

Much of that person was gone now, eroded away by time, but snippets remained. Being arrested for something . . . feeling disgusting inside afterwards . . .

. . . Feeling sick as the boat wouldn’t stop shaking the world around him . . .

. . . The heat of the sun burning his skin, almost hot as the anger that burned inside of him . . .

. . . And then a deafening CRACK as he felt like his body was exploding with pain. And how they’d just . . .

“They left me there,” Anti remembered, his form glitching erratically. “They left my fookin’[24] corpse ta[8] rot!”

“Anti‽” Henrik called out but the two humans watched Anti violently shatter apart in a discorporation.

Nate surged up immediately and took out an amulet necklace. One he had once’s a while ago to safely carry Mare around. But he used his magic to scoop up as much of Anti’s aura as possible to keep him from fracturing.

“Vat[25] happened?” Henrik demanded.

“He must have remembered something,” Nate tried to calm Henrik down as he was casting spells to see how violent the discorporation was, “I don’t think it was a good thing.”

Henrik snatched the necklace away, looking at it. “Vill[17] he be alright?”

“He still seems to be in one piece, but it might take a while for him to reform,” Nate warned.

“I zink ve should stop,”[26] Henrik looked over at Nate’s laptop. “If I had known his reaction vould have been zis violent I vould have stopped ven he confronted us.”[27]

“Yeah,” Nate agreed and watched Henrik put the necklace on. “Be careful with him, an injured demon’s a more dangerous one.”

“I vill[17],” Henrik promised, and gathered up his stuff with a stiff thank you for Nate’s help and the doctor went over to his apartment with the necklace. Anti took a couple of days to reform, but he didn’t talk to Henrik. The demon would escape the necklace and then slip back in whenever Henrik was distracted or busy.

After almost a week since the incident at Nate’s house, Henrik decided that, if Anti wasn’t going to talk to him, Henrik would talk to Anti. He started out small, complaining about the coffee machine at the hospital, about how muggy the weather was.

Then, one night, while Henrik was sitting on his couch, watching some TV show, or at least had it on in the background while he was staring down at the necklace in his hands, the doctor decided to be a bit more blunt. He watched the gem, saw almost like glitchy lightning crackling underneath the surface. “I must admit, part of ze[28] reason I went digging vas[16] to get a reaction out of you.”

There was a pause to the energy in the necklace. But after a bit the glitched lightning continued as if nothing had happened.

“If you do not vant to talk about zis matter, I vill not force you,”[29] Henrik told him. “But I had hoped to get a violent reaction out of you, not to actually harm you. For zat[9] I am sorry.”

Anti’s aura shot out of the necklace was just staring at Henrik. “Why was that what yeh were goin’ fer?”[30]

“You have tried to kill me und[31] my friends many times, und[31] I vanted[32] to get you to attack me,” Henrik admitted.

“Why?” Anti scoffed, plopping down on Henrik’s couch. “If I wanted yeh[7] dead, I would’a[33] done it already.”

He took glared at him. “Zat[9] is exactly the problem, you have zis[15] odd stalking infatuation but you have tried to kill me in the past. Not to mention you utterly ruined Average’s marriage und[31] his ability to visit his children.”

“The fooker was gettin’ cucked an’ e’eryone knew it,”[34] Anti dismissed.

“She vas doin’ no’zing of ze sort,”[35] Henrik defended heatedly.

Anti looked away angrily.

The two sat in angry silence for a little while, before Henrik sighed, taking off his glasses to massage the bridge of his nose before carefully putting them back on. “Anti, vat do you vant out of zese interactions ve have?”[36]

The glitch demon decided he would rather talk about literally anything else, but his only other option was talking about his former human life and he wasn’t sure which made him look worse. “I like it when yeh[7] get angry at me.”

“Is it simply ze[28] anger or ze[28] attention?” Henrik asked, genuinely trying to understand.

Anti still wasn’t looking at him, deciding that he’d rather take the human talk. “My name used ta[8] be somethin’[37] else.”

“Vich[38] do you prefer?” Henrik asked.

“Anti,” Anti told him hesitantly.

“Zen[39] you are Anti,” Henrik agreed. “As you said, zat[9] man is dead, und[31] you are here.”

Something in Anti’s chest tightened, he didn’t like it. He didn’t like even the reminder that he was human. But he started leaning over towards Henrik. It was just a little bit of a lean, not enough to even get near Henrik. So the doctor closed the distance for him, lightly resting his shoulder against Anti’s.

“I zink zat you like the attention, vich I am more zen happy to give to you,”[40] Henrik smiled at him as Anti still refused to hold eye contact with him. “Und ven you know vat you vant, you can tell me in your own time.”[41]

For the rest of the night the two of them sat in almost near silence. Anti wasn’t ready to admit anything, but still tantalizingly close all the same. Anti getting closer and close to Henrik until the doctor was pressed up against the side of the couch and Anti was leaning against him. Anti sat next to Henrik as the doctor just ran his fingers through his hair. Anymore and Anti would have started hissing and pulling away. But as he leaned into the touch the glitch decided that he liked this attention.

Henrik occasionally looked over at Anti, smiling at him.

And if, as he scratched his fingers across his scalp, heard him give out very quiet purring sounds, the doctor decided not to tease the glitch demon about them . . . at least not yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Post A/N: Anti in his AU used to be a man by the name of Angus (Jack’s “survivalist” character he made super early in his channel and in this AU Angus was arrested and sent to Australia where he subsequently died from a freak lightning storm, and then cue villain arc.

Side note: Henrik likes Anti’s Australian accent, he likes it a lot! No I will not back down from this extremely unpopular headcanon.

Accessibility Translations:

1. have to

2. have

3. None of your fucking business

4. Okay

5. him

6. Fuck

7. you

8. to

9. that

10. Why the fuck are you digging into my personal shit?

11. Because there is much I don’t know about you, and I wish to correct that

12. I can’t recall a time when we have ever talked about anything

13. looking

14. for

15. this

16. was

17. will

18. Whatever you two assholes want to dig up some dead bitch that did me the favor of dying, go ahead. Here, I’ll even help.

19. What did you shitbags find?

20. shouldn’t have

21. never

22. I’ve been to a lot of places

23. would

24. fucking

25. What

26. I think we should stop

27. If I had known his reaction would have been this violent I would have stopped when he confronted us.

28. the

29. If you do not want to talk about this matter, I will not force you

30. Why was that what you were going for?

31. and

32. wanted

33. would have

34. The fucker was getting cucked and everyone knew it

35. She was doing nothing of the sort

36. Anti, what do you want out of these interactions we have?

37: something

38. which

39. then

40. I think that you like the attention, which I am more then happy to give to you

41. And when you know what you want, you can tell me in your own time.

[desire-tenderness]

𝒜𝑣𝑒𝑐 𝑎𝑚𝑜𝑢𝑟, 𝒯𝑖𝑚𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑒.

14 January 2021,

Hello my love, I hope you’re well. I have written much more often than before. When we are energized or distressed, it flows perfectly. And, well, I’m here in my room writing you a letter. Barefoot, to contrast the warmth I feel after drinking two glasses of Negroni, while listening to a song, Jardin D'Iver. "Ta robe à fleur Sous la pluie de novembre Mes mains qui courent Je n'en peux plus de t'attendre" I want to thank you for giving us space so we could talk in October last year. Jack has been a great friend to me, it’s good to have him around. I’m sure he opened up this space for you to hear me. I need to thank him for taking care of you, he told me how things are going. You’re such a strong woman, Lily; so amazing. Life is a school, we need to go through situations to learn how it works. It’s I know, sometimes I sound like an old man talking, damn it. I’m still sorry for all the pain and chaos involving your father, that sucks. You know you have me to talk to about anything. I wish I could hug her or at least see her smile, even from afar. Are you reading? As a religious man, I ask God to. Remember how we were in September 2019? When I said those days on Capri were the best days of my life, it wasn’t and never will be. I remember every second, every detail, every smell, taste, or feeling. Fucking Lily, this shit was so real to us.

When it was all over, the emptiness filled me for long days, months, it’s true.. I’m wrong, I’m flawed in many ways. Many times I get tired of the image that they built for me and it made me lose heart in June last year, I am not proud, but I should not condemn myself. I was not happy, I was in disgrace on the inside. I care a lot about these things. But I would never want my care to be misinterpreted. I’m just a guy trying to be the best for my family, my career, my friends, the best for me, the best for you. But I always look like Weird Chalamet, the guy who’s super dedicated to his work, clumsy and smug. But all the moments I spent beside him I could truly see and feel the boy I carry inside, who I am without fear or fear. My best version of it. Lily, my heart is wild, it’s human. Once you told me that I have a perfect soul, would I have failed you if that were true?

In that house, alone, in the middle of the vast green at Woodstock I could reflect so much, you have no idea. I needed it, my chest caught fire from the inside. Capturing the essence of a Dylan of my own, my version, it brought me contradictory thoughts about what I was feeling, but those thoughts were very strong. Sometimes I think some things I feel are wrong. the questioning lives inside me, it even disturbs me. I wanted to be alone with myself. Being "alone" is not bad, it is essential to know how to be well alone. I get a lot of pleasure from enjoying things alone. Travel somewhere where I was anonymous and it was just me and my backpack for a few days. You know what I found when I walked into the house? An ashtray with a sticker from a Hot Chocolate disc. It reminded me of Thanksgiving when we were all gathered in the room waiting for you to show up with the cake. When you started playing You Sexy Thing and you showed up with the cake in your hands, I immediately saw the most beautiful smile in the world and your cigarette on the red cigarette holder. I only used the ashtray a few times while I was there.

The sun was shining in Woodstock and a rainbow formed in my head. That sunlight passing through the trees. I could breathe a little and even sleep soundly. I had my coffee on the balcony while I filled out the Chronicles book. Ali, I heard at least 7 times the Bob Dylan’s Dream song before entering again. That time alone served me to learn more about myself and the world. However, that night there was the feeling that the room was getting too big, the microwave lasagna with the individual portion gave me a slap in the face. I looked around wanting to find a familiar expression, someone who asked me about my day.

Shit, I needed to call you right now to say these things, but I would cry. I spend all my time imagining you, Lily. As I lie in my bed, I can’t stop thinking about everything you said to me those days, those nights, those afternoons. Thinkin'Bout You in the starry night, remember? Frank Ocean playing perfectly to make love. We got so drunk that we could barely concentrate on what was around. But we had total control over what was going on in that room. It’s inexplicable how much more beautiful everything looks when you’re around. I remember perfectly how you led me to the delirium. You kissed my back as you bit her, and I looked you in the back of my eyes and I was hypnotized. Your breasts fit perfectly in my hands, your perfectly drawn mouth bewilders me, your wide smile automatically makes me imagine the power of your lips, man.. limb starts throbbing.

You said "Peach me Timmy", and our kisses began to burn, my body feels its touch like never before. Orgasm was like being under the influence of psychodelia. Come on, I’ve never felt it before and neither have you. That morning we made our breakfast to the sound of Otis Redding - Cigarettes And Coffee and we loved each other again. I want the fire we both made to still burn on you. Nothing is the same. I wrote to you almost every day in secret. Adult loneliness is fucked up. And I’m as weak as a man could be and I can’t help it. I want to feel you close to me, if you snap your fingers I’ll run to you, Lily. House Of Cards started playing here in the room, it’s like the volume is increasing by itself and the loneliness starts to fuck my brain without mercy, without affection. It seems like it’s part of adult life to feel this tightness in your chest, this urge to have someone within reach of your hand, skin and embrace. Seeking shelter in the pleasure of others does not solve this. I understand that opening the house and life to another person is scary, but I never wanted another person. I’m sorry about the media toxins, that shit really gets to me. I just want to spend my time with you, hold you tight, squeeze you, tell you what I want. I want to make you happy, I want to be happy. It’s so hard to leave her alone. Oh, fuck, I’m gonna burn that letter and call you right now. [Dialing]   ...   [Ringtone] - Timoly, ça va? - Lily, merci de me recevoir. [Relief] - I was writing a letter, but I need to hear your voice. I need to feel your voice or look into your eyes. [Voice trembles as if a knot were to untie in tears] - It’s delicious to hear yours. Put me in your room or come to me, and I’ll sing Sexual healing for you. I miss you. [chuckled with excitement] - You surprise me like it’s the first time, it’s so wonderful. I have so much to tell you. Can I find you now? - I wait here at home, you know my address. I also have a lot to say. - A bientôt, mon amour. je t'aime. - je t'aime, Timoly.

{This is a fanfic. All I write about is my feelings and desires. Here I transcribed my interpretations and sensations about the feelings of Timothée Chalamet. TEXT BY: L.M }

[peanut-in-the-goal]

Would love to read the longer insecure Leo fic day if you feel like finishing it. If not it’s totally cool no pressure or anything. 🙂 I love your writing and all the o’knutzy feels!

hhhh so I wrote this so long ago tbh I don’t think I’m going to finish it

If someone actually wants me to finish it just send in an ask and I’ll try to but as of right now this is about as good as it’s going to get okay? (it could just be the fact that it’s 2am and I don’t wanna hurt leo rn lol) This is just like a v long wip that serves no real purpose. as also characters belong to @lumosinlove 

---

Leo woke up to a cold bed. He sat up, yawning. Blearily he looked around, raising his hands to attempt to rub some of the sleep from his eyes. He leaned over, grabbing his phone from the nightstand, checking for any unread messages from either Logan or Finn. The time read 8:12, far too early for Logan to be awake. Finn, maybe. 

He glanced up, hearing the distinct sound of the toilet flushing before a very tired Logan stumbled out. He laughed, his voice rough with sleep, as Logan came back, falling onto the bed. His hair splayed across his pillow, and his eyes looked up to meet Leo’s.

He raised his arm, grabbing onto Leo’s sleeve, trying to tug him back to bed, lightly. Leo went willingly, curling himself around Logan, who had his head buried in Leo’s chest.

“Mph, stay,” Logan muttered, his eyes already slipping closed, content on sleeping their day away. Leo smiled, placing a soft kiss on the top of Logan’s head. 

“D’accord.” He whispered, they’d find Finn later. It wasn’t unusual for him to go for a run in the morning anyways. Leo laid there, toying with Logan’s hair as he felt him relax completely, soft snores coming from the boy.

He smiled as Logan shifted again, subconsciously pushing himself further into Leo. 

The next time Leo woke up, it was to the front door closing. Logan whined in his sleep, shifting slightly, when the noise woke him. He kept his eyes closed, shuffling closer to Leo and pushing his head further into his pillow. Leo shushes him quietly, waiting for him to go back to sleep. After a moment, he heard Logan’s breath even out again and he sighed in relief. 

He felt someone watching them, looking up, he saw Finn standing in the doorway with a soft smile playing at his lips. Leo beckoned him over, silently telling him to come back to the bed, with a small nod with his head. Finn smiled but shook his head.

 “I’m all sweaty,” he whispered. Which was true, it was evident he had just come back from his morning run. “I’m going to go shower.” He spoke softly, mostly not to wake Logan, and removed his airpods. 

Leo nodded, glancing at the clock, 8:56 am, before burying his face back into Logan’s hair. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Once again, he lets the sleep take over, relaxing them as they waste their day away.

It’s not long before he feels the bed dip behind him, and Finn’s warm body and wet hair lay along his back. His smile lingered on his lips, turning to kiss Finn softly, before finally letting the sleep take over, knowing his two boys were safe, there with him.

Nothing. Honestly, nothing happened. He was fine, the day had gone perfect. He didn’t have practice and got to spend the day sleeping with his boys. He was happy, he was so so happy. 

But why was that familiar dread settling in his chest? Why did he feel like it was wrong, everything he was doing was wrong with that nagging feeling telling him he wasn’t good enough? He shifted, which made Logan stir and look up at him with his wide green eyes blinking up blearily at him.

Leo tried to shush him and get him to go back to sleep, but Logan had seen his sad face, and before he knew it Logan was sitting up, looking at him concerned. 

“Peanut? Vas tu bien?” he asks, searching Leo’s face for something that tells him what’s wrong. Leo opened and closed his mouth, before taking a shaky breath.

“Je vais bien, C’est bon.” He hates the way his voice wavered at the end, cracking slightly. Logan’s eyes softened, taking Leo’s face into his hands.

“Knutty,” he mumbled. He placed a soft kiss to his forehead, then his nose, then both his cheeks before finally landing one on his lips. Leo tried to smile, he really did, but he couldn’t keep it up for long. 

Logan stretched out his arms, letting Leo lean into him as he hugged him close.

This time a small smile actually did ghost Leo’s lips. Logan and Finn always knew how to help him, even if they didn’t use words to communicate. He doesn’t know how long they sat there, with Logan holding him as he tried to ignore the voices in his head nagging at him. Telling him he wasn’t good enough, that he didn’t deserve their love. 

He isn’t even sure when the tears started slipping down his cheeks, but they must have because he felt Logan hugging him tighter. Leo goes to apologize, for being such a mess and for crying. But he can’t even get the words out before he feels a warm weight fall against his back and a pair of strong arms wrapping around his shoulders.

“Mph,” Finn mutters, his voice groggy and rough with sleep as he buries his face in Leo’s neck. Leo sniffs, trying to stop his tears before Finn notices. But Finn hears with his head being so close to Leo’s and his head snaps up. He takes in the tear stains on his cheeks and the damp spot on Logan’s shirt.

And it happens so quickly, where Finn has climbed off his back and is sitting in front of him, raking his finger through Leo’s hair.

“Baby?” He asks, not exactly knowing what's going on, but was definitely not expecting to wake up to Leo crying. “What’s wrong, what happened? Are you okay, are you hurt? Did we do something? Are you...” He trailed off, watching Leo shake his head frantically instead of answering his questions.

Finn quietens down, letting Leo get his thoughts into words, to explain what's wrong so Finn can hold him, and take care of him, because he loves him so, so much and it kills him a little more when Leo starts to slip. He’s right there, he's right there, but he seems so far away. It feels like Leo is slipping through his fingers, and Finn is so scared that one day he won’t be able to grasp on and pull him back in.

That he’ll lose the funny and smart man, that he’ll let the depression take over. He’s scared he’ll stop fighting it and he’ll drift. He’ll drift and become a shell, and he can’t count how many times he’s fallen asleep crying into Logan's arms because he doesn’t want to lose him.

He can’t lose him. 

And he barely hears the muttered apology escape from Leo’s lips, and he would have if he weren’t so hyper-aware of everything Leo was doing. Waiting for the hitched breath that showed he couldn’t hold it back anymore, and Finn could pull him into his arms until he cried himself back to sleep, and Logan went to make some tea and order take out.

Because everyone knows that they can’t cook, and they don’t need to add to Leo’s stress by making him help clean it up. He just needs them by his side, ready to help him, to show him the love that brought him together.

And Finn hates that Leo feels this way, that he isn’t good enough. He hates that Leo tries to push them away, that he thinks he’s a burden and a nuisance. They’ve learned the best way to help him over the past few months have caught up to him. 

The recent news of his father's sickness, with playoffs right around the corner. Loops pulling Kasey from the next couple of games for the pulled hamstring. It was too much, it proved too much when it started pushing Leo.

They could see it happening, Leo waking up earlier to hit the gym before practice, staying late after to add in some more training. The need that he had to feel good enough, to feel like he had to prove something because of his age. That broke both Logans and Finn's heart watching him work and work and work. Draining himself, when he couldn’t see how good he really was.

Leo was fidgeting with the duvet on the bed, pulling at the loose, frayed string on the end. He sniffed, once, then twice, before the dam broke. He angrily tried to wipe away at the tears rolling down his cheeks, biting his lip to try and clench the sobs that were bubbling up. But he couldn’t, he was fighting a losing battle and was giving in. 

They acted on instinct, Finn catching Leo as he fell into his chest, the heart wrenching sobs ripping themselves from his throat. Finn embraced him, holding him tightly, never going to be ready to let go. Logan moved to his side, rubbing his back, placing a kiss to his temple and his cheek every few minutes. 

“Désolé, Je suis désolé, I’m sorry,” Leo sobbed. 

He hates being like this, feeling useless, so utterly vulnerable. The way he was falling apart, with too many thoughts rushing through his head. His heart was beating erratically, his breaths uneven and shallow. He grasped onto Finn’s shirt, knuckles turning white as his hands shook with the material in between his fingers. His lips trembled, the oxygen seemingly impossible to get to his lungs.

Finn hugged tighter, whispering in his ear.

“Baby, don’t apologize. Never apologize for this. I just want to be there for you, we both do. Let us be there for you. Knutty, baby, we’d cross oceans for you.” 

Logan nodded in agreement, delivering another kiss into his blonde curls. Leo let it sink it, not exactly believing it, but hoping that maybe, it could be true. 

He fell asleep there, the tears track drying on his cheeks.

That last thing he heard was Logans whispered, “I love you,” before he let the darkness take over.

Leo could feel his breath picking up, the inward panic settling in his chest. He wasn’t sure why this affected him so much. He huffed, wiping at his eyes angrily where he could feel the tears forming. 

“Baby?” He heard the door creak open, Finn’s voice calling over all the voices in his head. He wasn’t sure why it was hitting him so hard right now. He knew he had depression, he had it since he was young. He would scoff at himself when he let it win, feeling utterly useless, and wanting to do better.

He felt like nothing he did was enough. Not enough for him, or his parents, or for Finn and Logan. 

The bed dipped beside him, feeling Finn’s warm hand cupping his cheeks, and turning his face towards him. Finn made a confused noise, whipping at the tears rolling down Leo’s cheeks.

He hadn’t even realized they fell. He just felt so numb.

“I brought you some food,” he said softly, like if he said it any louder it would’ve broken him. And quite honestly, it probably would have. Days like this, it made him feel horrible when Finn and Logan had to bring him food, or water, or do anything for him that he should be able to do himself. 

He gave Finn a wavering smile in return, which slipped off his face as quickly as it appeared. Gosh, why did he feel like such a fuck up? He took the plate from Finn, placing it in front of him on the bed. 

Finn and Logan knew he wouldn’t be able to stomach anything rich right now. Even then, the toast on the plate seemed absolutely revolting right now, just the thought of food made him nauseous.