#also i am aware several fanfics like this probably already exist

[yelenadelova]

i am aware Suzanne Collins will likely never write a Finnick Odair novel so I have taken it upon myself to do it myself with fic

*insert thanos "fine, ill do it myself" meme here*

[rivkae-winters]

Edit: the app launched and Is down- I have the initial apology video in a post here and I’m working on getting a full archive of their TikTok up ASAP. I’m letting the rest of this post remain since I do still stand by most of it and also don’t like altering things already in circulation.

Warning for criticism and what I’d consider some harsh to outright mean words:

So I’ve just been made aware of the project known of as ‘lore.fm’ and I’m not a fan for multiple reasons. For one this ‘accessibility’ tool complicates the process of essentially just using a screen reader (something native to all I phones specifically because this is a proposed IOS app) in utterly needless and inaccessible ways. From what I have been seeing on Reddit they have been shielding themselves (or fans of the project have been defending them) with this claim of being an accessibility tool as well to which is infuriating for so many reasons.

I plan to make a longer post explaining why this is a terrible idea later but I’ll keep it short for tonight with my main three criticisms and a few extras:

1. Your service requires people to copy a url for a fic then open your app then paste it into your app and click a button then wait for your audio to be prepared to use. This is needlessly complicating a process that exists on IOS already and can be done IN BROWSER using an overlay that you can fully control the placement of.

2. This is potentially killing your own fandom if it catches on with the proposed target market of xreader smut enjoyers because of only needing the link as mentioned above. You don’t have to open a fic to get a link this the author may potentially not even get any hits much less any other feedback. At least when you download a pdf you leave a hit: the download button is on the page with the fic for a reason. Fandom is a self sustaining eco system and many authors get discouraged and post less/even stop writing all together if they get low interaction.

3. Maybe we shouldn’t put something marketed as turning smut fanfic into audio books on the IOS App Store right now. Maybe with KOSA that’s a bad idea? Just maybe? Sarcasm aside we could see fan fiction be under even more legal threat if minors use this to listen to the content we know they all consume via sites like ao3 (even if we ask them not to) and are caught with it. Auditory content has historically been considered much more obscene/inappropriate than written content: this is a recipe for a disaster and more internet regulations we are trying to avoid.

I also have many issues with the fact that this is obviously redistributing fanfiction (thus violating the copyright we hold over our words and our plots) and removing control the author should have over their content and digital footprint. Then there is the fact that even though the creator on TikTok SAYS you can email to have your fic ‘excluded’ based on the way the demo works (pasting a link) I’m gonna assume that’s just to cover her ass/is utter bullshit. I know that’s harsh but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it’s probably a duck.

I am all for women in stem- I’ve BEEN a woman in Stem- but this is not a cool girl boss moment. This is someone naive enough to think this will go over well at best or many other things (security risks especially) at worst.

In conclusion for tonight: I hope this person is a troll but there is enough hype and enough paid for web domains that I don’t think that’s the case. There are a litany of reasons every fanfic reader and writer should be against something like this existing and I’ll outline them all in several other posts later.

Do not email their opt out email address there is no saying what is actually happening with that data and it is simply not worth the risks it could bring up. I hate treating seemingly well meaning people like potential cyber criminals but I’ve seen enough shit by now that it’s better to be safe than sorry. You’re much safer just locking all your fics to account only. I haven’t yet but I may in the future if that is the only option.

If anyone wants a screen reader tutorial and a walk through of my free favorites as well as the native IOS screen reader I can post that later as well. Sorry for the heavy content I know it’s not my normal fare.

[wispscribbles]

Mw3 spoilers (just a long personal ramble)

Hiii. So

As soon as the pre-release came out on, I hunted down spoilers, because I know myself and knew that if someone died and I got that information out of the blue, I wouldn’t take it well. Jokes on me, because I still haven’t been taking it well lol

I won’t talk about how Soap’s death was handled or the quality of the game. Plenty of smarter people are doing so.

I try not to talk a lot about myself and irl stuff on here, but will just say: I am very unwell, mentally. (Cue silence because that’s not surprising at all) Something I am very aware that I do, is that I latch onto fiction with my whole being, usually one specific character. For some reason, I always latch onto the character that ends up dead, usually in a way that make them only exist to further the motivations of other characters. It sucks.

So my hope for Soap has never been great, but for some reason I was still so shocked?? I don’t know, I tricked myself into thinking this time was different. Such an iconic character with so much good setup for great character development. I knew someone would die, but ow. To me, he was the element that made 141 seem more like family than coworkers. Soap’s interactions with the rest just livened up the games so much and made them all shine. Especially Ghost. Their dynamic, man.

Soap was the character that intrigued me enough to jump into the cod rabbit hole. It feels very hollow without him.

I keep telling myself that it’s silly to be so hurt over something fictional, and that I can just treat it as a mcd fanfic and move on, but nope. Brain’s stuck in the bad stuff. It’s a bad habit of mine to let something like this affect me so much, but well. Logic vs feeling and all that.

I really did find so much comfort in Soap this last year, that I severely needed. It feels a little like losing someone I know, someone who helped me through a rough time. I related to something in him and felt inspired. I only started writing after getting into ghostsoap, I started working out and I got back into art after a very long burnout. It may be fiction, but the impact is not.

So that was pretty much the worst case scenario of what mw3 could be to me. I always knew the risk, but, once again, ow. But there also seems to be plenty of good stuff in the game that I enjoy. I’m happy with the Ghost and Soap dialogue, the whole team working together and seeing Laswell and Farah and Alex and Nik. I hope I can be inspired by some of the new content once I’m calmer.

And I was worried they would ignore Ghost and Soap’s relationship after their development in mw2, but they genuinely seem to have gotten real close. It’s nice. I thought the shipping might scare the game devs into never having them appear in a scene together again, so that’s a plus.

Bottom line to all this is: I probably need a little break to get my head sorted. The grief is surprisingly real, it’s triggered some old stuff for me (haven’t been sleeping or eating, been stuck in some old thoughts). I’ll need to calm down and become a bit more normal about this again. Part of the grief isn’t so much about Soap himself, but also just the safe space that this account has been. The very nature of how the fandom is going to interact with Soap and Ghostsoap is going to change now, and man… I liked how it was, y’know? Could’ve used a little longer in that bubble. There’s going to be plenty of new fics and art, lovely stuff as always, but many of them will be tinged with grief, and I’m not in a place where that won’t break me a little.

I will hopefully come back to posting and making stuff once my brain settles down. I have so many drafts for fics and ideas that I hope I can return to. I’ve gotten so used to drawing these lads that I doubt I can stop tbh

The version of Soap that we love is already evolved from the games due to all the time and care the community has put into the character. The games may have killed him, but luckily, he’s fictional. We can do what we want, same as before.

I’m not even saying that I wish they hadn’t killed him. The games are crafting a story that fits their audience. It makes sense.

But I will choose to live in one of the many universes we’ve created for Soap, where he is alive and cared for, with a found family and a spooky lieutenant with a soft spot for him. Good for him.

Hope you’re all taking care of yourselves. RIP canon Soap (again). Thanks to Neil for a wonderful portrayal. And no matter where we go from here, thanks for a wonderful year of creating with you lovely folks. Seriously, some of the kindest people I’ve met in fandom. <3

Lastly: fuck you Kevin O’Reilly, but more importantly, sincerely thank you. (CallMeKevin video about mw2 got me into this mess. Otherwise I was keeping cod at an arm’s length, but he’s my fav youtuber, so I watched it. And here we are!)

[chipped-chimera]

WIP WEDNESDAY - 12/07/23

AND IT'S ACTUALLY ON A WEDNESDAY! Thanks @theviridianbunny for the tag <3 I regret to inform you ... it's more hair again @.@ (this one is actually different, I swear)

More under the cut, as usual~

Soooo if you've been following me you probably know I've done a few things since my last WIP Wednesday, namely more tattoo stuff, and more recently ... more hair stuff.

After a LOT of agonising over it I finally consider the neck 'done' ... or done enough (vaguely ... thinking about doing something more in the transition between the tattoo and the jaw but I probably should stop honestly or I'll never stop). This means I probably have enough done to get away with taking screenshots while I work on the rest of it. Been pondering drawing up an actual plan for the rest beyond what I've been doing so far - mostly winging it and smashing things together. Might get stuff done faster, who knows.

Anyway I am back on my hair shit, yet again that's going just about ... as well as you'd expect ...

Okay okay, I'll be honest, this has been fixed but I gotta say after spending a whole 12 hrs staring at lines of code, changing entries and having to redo them several times because I'd fucked up some file name or changed my mind or found out 'no that is not where you should be putting that folder you absolute dingus' and this was the best I could do was kind of hilarious. 😂

The important part was I'd gotten it IN, which was a process and a half, considering THIS time I'm using a custom made 2048px hair texture (alpha is 4k) and a higher poly mesh - which means yeah, this is the same hair rebuilt from scratch.

After some additional fiddling ...

... and a very unamused Ven (I'm sorry hun) ...

I got it in. All of it. No missing textures, no hair cards in the hair cap slot. The physics look janky but it's somewhat intentional - this is a minimal effort rigging job based on the alt rig, the priority was to get this hair texture IN so I could see how it looked in game and how everything sat before I dug myself further into a sunk cost fallacy over this second version of the hair.

And I'm actually pretty happy with it? There is some curl distortion yeah but it's not as bad as it was last time - and considering I'd rigged that one PROPERLY is saying something. Higher poly + textures are making a big difference here. It's pretty obvious in the comparison -

Also yes I am aware this one is WAY too shiny, but that one is a considerably easy fix now I know how Vertex Paint actually affects this value. I was a bit too generous on the highlight gradient so I've already repainted what I have so far, using side-by-side references with existing game meshes to try and get it 'equal' but it's likely gonna be a lot of back and forth calibrating with that one.

Excessive shiny-ness aside I'm actually REALLY happy with how the side curl is sitting nice and neat in her jacket collar this time! Also man ... doesn't that look silky ... (ok maybe some shine is good lmao)

I guess that's kind of it on the mod front. I've got other projects in a very initial stage (it's fanfic. Ofc it's fanfic) but work on both the tattoo bodysuit + hair is eating up a lot of my daily spoon allowance so that one will happen when it happens I guess (and probably when at minimum, this goddamn hair is done).

Oh and this hair is using UUH4V. I GOT IT TO WORK. Which means I'll be able to use multiple rigs which will hopefully prevent these carefully crafted curls from getting minced beyond recognition, fingers crossed.

Anyways until next time!

(Uh, I tag anyone who read all of this. Yes you. sorry I don't know many people yet and I'm shyyy)

p.s. yes hair tutorial. soon. In the case you are similarly frustrated and desperate as I was and working on hair please note I AM VERY OPEN TO TELLING YOU ALL THE INFO just ask me. Cause tutorial might take time unfortunately. But it's in the works.

[andypantsx3]

This is going to sound weird, but do you have any tips on how to gain traction as a fanfic writer? I've been trying for years and I get next to no interaction on my writing. I know I shouldn't care because I should be writing for myself, but it's still frustrating to see other writers get thousands of notes, and reblogs and asks praising their fics and I get maybe 20 likes. I've been looking into discord fandom groups but a lot of them don't allow people over 30, and I don't do well with busy groups anyway. I try to be active on my blog, and interact with other people and make myself approachable, but I'm getting so incredibly tired of talking to an empty space. Sorry, I think I ended up venting instead >_<

WARNING: DISCOURSE AHEAD

Omg hello my love!! First of all, I'm so sorry you feel this way! I have so many conflicting thoughts on this, let me try to get them in order for you!!

I guess, let me first start with some tips that I think actually answer your question, and then I'll just monologue about the ways I've been thinking about fandom recently, and you can skip that part if you wanna!

Part 1: Actual Thoughts on Your Question (lol)

I am possibly not in the best position to ask about this because I mostly happened to be in the right place at the right time, publishing my fics in the early part of the pandemic when people were more actively engaging in the fandom. But in my experience, outside of discord groups, other good ways to meet people and get your work out there are joining zines & collabs.

I'm not completely up-to-date with what the accounts are now that track these things, but there are several tumblrs and twitter accounts like BNHA Zines that exist to retweet & publicize zine posts. Look for zines that are in the interest check & application stages!! You can apply during the application phase and the good thing is that most zines will ask for an application piece and will judge you on your work rather than your follower count!!

Collabs are usually even easier because many of them are just open to whoever wants to join! I've only participated in server collabs but I've seen several posts cross my dash that are open to anyone. I'd probably monitor the collaboration and x reader tags on tumblr and join in on anything that looks fun!!

Another thing that I've noticed people do a lot is self-reblog their fics a couple times just to maximize their circulation. I've seen a lot of moots trying to make sure they hit good hours for different time zones and different days of the week to ensure their followers are at least aware that they've posted something if they don't have notifs on (I don't have notifs on so I'm grateful for these because otherwise I miss a lot!!). Even I have srb'd a time or two if I'm particularly proud of something lol.

And I think, if I also wanted to be a shark about things, I would try to get in on the ground floor of a fandom in its early stages!! For example, the second season of JJK is coming out soon and it's sure to bring a wave of new readers to the JJK fandom, especially for the characters like Gojo and Getou who look like they're gonna be the main focus of the season.

I think if you wanted to be extra sharp about things, you might time a fic release with some of the first couple episodes of a new season where you can be sure more people than usual will be poking around in the tags!! And if your fic is published during the early stages of a fandom, it's going to have more eyes on it overall than a fic published towards the conclusion of the series.

Anyway this is what I could think of. I hope this advice is practical and useful!! Now onto me blathering.

Part 2: Resisting Influencer Culture in Fandom Spaces

This part might be kind of controversial. I want to first acknowledge how easy it is for me to think and say these sorts of things when I'm already more than pleased with the amount of engagement I get. And I want to recognize that it is so, so deeply human to want recognition, community, and support for the things that we write.

I think it is so completely natural that you want interaction on your writing. All of us totally do, otherwise we wouldn't be publishing it publicly. If our work was truly, singularly for us and us alone, we'd keep it in the drafts lol. We put it out there hoping for praise and appreciation and connection, and in my opinion there is no shame in that.

So, admission time: I also definitely compare myself to other writers, and I have several times thought about transitioning more towards the type of content that drives higher note counts on tumblr: smuttier one-shots usually under 10k! I can see a huge difference in terms of just my own work on how my one-shots typically do in comparison to chaptered fics. And I definitely see how fast smutty imagines shoot up there in terms of note count.

But I was listening to a podcast episode recently on trying to sort of transition away from a metrics-focused approach to fandom. In the podcast, they talk about how in trying to legitimize fanfic as a literary mechanism, we've also sort of accidentally subjected it to our capitalist-influencer-mindset, where we see fic as more legitimate the more kudos it gets or the more followers it nets you, because in traditional influencer spaces, those followers are potential capital.

I'm definitely not saying you or I see people as potential revenue streams, but I think probably neither of us are immune to the culture at large, and we both probably carry some of internalized sense of our own value based on metrics, reach, and influence. And that sucks!!!!

Fandom, of all things, is supposed to be a specifically anti-capitalist space. We can't make money off of fanfic or fanart (legally, anyway lol), and we're all not the owners of the franchises either so none of our takes are necessarily more "valid" or weightier than others!! We're all supposed to just be trading stories around a campfire with no thought to their literary merit or monetary value. We're just supposed to enjoy the stories.

So, I don't know what the right answer is about how to try to resist the influences of our capitalist culture at large; I'm hoping someone smarter than me will tell me. But I do know that in fanfic, the value of your story can absolutely never be determined by how much engagement you get. Because fandom is not about metrics, and there is no inherent value in metrics. There is only the fun you had creating the story, and the depth of the connection you made with someone over it--even if that's just one other person.

And so I personally am at least trying to resist the lure of transitioning to smutty one-shots even though I think a lot of people would like that. Because what I like doing is writing my little 30k multi-chaps; those are my fave kinds of stories to tell, I'm not letting my metrics tell me what I should be writing.

I hope, at the very least, you know that your worth and the value of your story is not defined by how many other people have read it. And if you ever wanna chat more about this let me know, I'm still figuring this all out myself and could use friends to explore it with!!

[needle-noggins]

For the fanfic ask, i was rereading Freaks of Nuture last night so! This part

The surgeon who is and isn't my brother pauses. My wormy intestines squirm in his slippery, blood-covered fingers in peristalsis. I wish they wouldn't.

"Yes, that's curious. I wonder if the parthenogenesis theory is correct--"

My bladder is moved aside and I feel the urge to go. Can't move, though, as I'm often reminded here. That's probably for the best.

If I could move, these people would probably be dead and I wouldn't mean it.

"Curious! I will admit - this is unusual. I've seen nothing like this in all my years of study. This will be an interesting addition to the literature. Better take samples - if there's viable genetic material to be had here, it may be possible to grow plants of our own."

There is a sharp pain. Several sharp pains. Knives drops pieces of me into several small jars of formalin, held out to him. Offerings to our terrible God.

And at once I become Tesla. I am my sister. I want to scream and scream but there is nothing to do to avoid this terrible fate. I will become changed by this, irradiated, mutilated, until my blood is overgrown with bacteria like mold on bread and my teeth fall out and my eyes cry blood.

My eyes already cry blood.

OH DEAR ANON, I just squealed with joy. Thank you SO much for sending me this part, I would LOVE to discuss it.

Vash is aware that he's hallucinating to a degree, but it doesn't stop it at all. He's in that shitty lucid space, you know how you get when you know you're in a dream but the dream still feels real? Also the "I wish they wouldn't" has a double meaning - not only does it feel grossnasty to feel your intestines moving, but if they wouldn't be moving if he were dead.

Parthenogenesis is the idea that offspring can be created without an egg being fertilized [see: Jurassic Park]. The existence of Independent plants is understandably a huge mystery, and this doctor has some theories. And maybe some plans to make more plants, if his theory is correct. I left this part intentionally vague, as Vash himself wouldn't necessarily know what he's got going on inside re: reproductive organs. I know a lot of people hc him as a cis or trans human as far as anatomy goes, and I enjoy reading both, but I personally like to take the weird alien route and then I have the freedom to do whatever I want. And, leaving it vague on purpose allows the reader to make their own conclusions, and that's where the fun is!

I also don't really know where I stand on the whole question of "can Vash reproduce and if so how / with humans or not?" and this fic does technically exist within the Bluebells universe for me (in which he and Meryl, ya know) and I'm like can they have kids???? I don't know and I'm too afraid to ask! I personally get squicked by repro stuff sometimes (yay christian pro-life trauma) so I don't want to dive too deep into it. Maybe one day I'll decide what to do with them.

As far as the medicine goes here, yeah, if you poke around on your bladder (or someone else does), you will feel like you need to pee. Try poking your bellybutton - you might feel the same effect. Weird fun fact. Also also, Formaldehyde isn't the uhhh best fixative for keeping genetic material intact? But I think this may be the only option this doctor has for keeping samples. At the very least, it's a good solution to keep tissue in for microscopic examination later. I didn't flesh out this doc's backstory too much (and I called him "Dr. Motherfucker" in my notes) but I imagine he has access to a pretty high-tech lab. Maybe he found one from an old SEEDS ship.

The doc saying "we might be able to make our own plants" immediately complicates Vash's situation. He's going to side with anything that helps human survival even if he has to sacrifice himself for it. This time quite literally. The "offerings to our terrible God" also calls to the other paragraph in this fic about Vash being the sacrificial golden calf. Knives is both the executor and the (self-appointed) god in this scenario, depending on how you look at it. Or maybe god is humanity - again, the doctor both is and isn't Knives. Tesla was the first sacrifice and Vash can't help but think of her, here in an extremely similar situation to hers. I could go on and on about the metaphors here but Trigun really plays every possible angle re: biblical allegory so it would get complicated fast.

The final line is just so... if the experimentation and medical abuse transforms you into something terrible, but you were already a terrible monster to begin with, what does it matter? How much are you actually changed?

Vash is not doing well in this fic :)

[raifenlf]

Why Loki’s Sylvie Is A Mary Sue

So I am firmly in the camp that Sylvie on the Loki series was/is a Mary Sue.  The last episode made me feel better and like maybe the show was doing a thing where they were faking you out that she was a Mary Sue only to show she was actually sort of a bad guy and I liked that.  But all the recent interviews make me think the show wants to go back to her being a Mary Sue.

But I feel like when I call her out for being a Mary Sue people tell me what are you talking about, she’s not a Mary Sue, bad things happen to her, etc.  But that doesn’t actually make her not a Mary Sue.  

Also, before we start, I know some people find Mary Sue sexist.  But I personally use the term for guys and girls. I don’t use the term to belittle women.  I use the term to criticize a poorly written character.

And I know Mary Sue is often used to describe fanfic characters.  But to me, this series is kind of like a fanfic because the writers took a character who had been in canon MCU material for ten years and then created characters around that character.  So, I kind of review it like I would a fanfic.  It’s very different than if the writers had created a brand new show with all of their own new characters.

Anyway, if you are not totally familiar with the Mary Sue term, then check this out:

I know the term Mary Sue probably means different things to different people.  But I have always used these guidelines when I write my own fanfic to make sure my characters never come off as a Mary Sue.

This article really gives you a full scale of what a Mary Sue is.  If you start reading it, you’ll immediately see why Sylvie is.  But I’m going to take out the parts that most fit Sylvie just to highlight why I believe she is a Mary Sue.  I apologize for this being so long.

Mary Sue Character Traits

Personality

Erm... what personality? The typical Mary Sue doesn't have one per se, because she isn't meant to be a character; rather, she's an entity by which the author makes cool stuff happen.

I feel like that is Sylvie in a nutshell.  She doesn’t have a personality.  I feel like even though she ate screentime, I still don’t really know her at all.  The writers love to say she’s badass.  That’s not a personality.  

Sometimes when I am writing stories for fun and creating new characters, I like to take surveys as my fictional characters.  Like the kind of surveys you’d see in a magazine, like personality types, what’s your dating style, etc.  I figure if I don’t know what my character would do in any of those situations, then I need to keep working on my character.  And if I was trying to fill out a survey pretending I was Sylvie I would have no idea what to answer because she doesn’t have a personality.  She’s just “cool”.

What little personality a Mary Sue has isn't as important as how other characters react to it. No matter how shy or socially awkward Mary Sue is supposed to be, other characters will be inexplicably drawn to her

This is so Sylvie.  Loki falls in love with her...why, exactly?  He falls in love with her in the big Nexus event moment...why?  Because she had a tough childhood?  Mobius spends like two seconds with her in a car and goes from hating her to saying she’s his favorite Loki.  For. No. Particular. Reason.

She's extremely persuasive; everyone finds her opinions to be better than their own

She enchants Hunter B-15 and then immediately Hunter B-15 makes it her whole entire life mission to back Sylvie up.  

And occasionally she'll be a complete asshole...This can manifest itself in several ways...The author wants to write a badass but doesn't know how. This leads to a character who mistreats everyone around her and is never called out on her abrasive, casually abusive behavior.

Sylvie talked down to Loki and treated him like garbage for all of episode three, but it was never portrayed as a bad thing and we never got any impression Sylvie later felt bad for the way she treated Loki

The author doesn't know how to hold back the character, meaning that she will succeed at practically everything. This means that when she encounters rules or authority figures who would otherwise prevent her from doing what she wants to do, she rolls right through them (and they praise her for her "boldness" in defying regulations). If a bad guy is violent and aggressive, she can beat him by being more violent and aggressive (with all that entails). It's impossible for her to go overboard because she's protected by Protagonist-Centered Morality.

Sylvie is shown as a kid to immediately be able to grab a Tempad and run away.  And she can kick ass way better than Loki, for no known reason.  She is always able to fight back against the TVA when they attack her.  And she can kill lots of innocent TVA agents but it’s okay because TVA bad, Sylvie good.

Skills

She will always be superior to the canon characters, regardless of what canon has established they can do or whether it makes any sense.

Whose skill was needed to defeat Alioth?  Sylvie’s.  Of course.  Sylvie needed to teach Loki her skills in order for him to succeed (!).  And again, she is literally called the superior Loki.

Relatedly, there's no effort to her skills. She never actually trains or learns anything to become more powerful; she just wins the Super Power Lottery, or is a freakish natural learner, or is just Inexplicably Awesome

We’re told Sylvie literally taught herself magic.  She literally taught herself to enchant people.  That. Makes. No. Sense.  Like, I have so many questions.  Like, why would it even occur to her to teach herself that?  And how????????????  This is really lazy writing.

Canon Character Relationships

Mary Sue is often designed to hook up with another character, often as a form of Wish Fulfillment. This isn't that bad in and of itself (okay, it is kinda weird), but Mary Sue accomplishes this without any sense of realism. She just grabs her lover's attention straight away, and their relationship will never face any obstacles or tension; it's true love from the start and nothing else. The biggest giveaway is if the love interest is explicitly the author's favorite character, and she essentially "cures" him of all the angst that ails him (at the expense of his characterization).

Yeah, so...this one should be pretty obvious to anyone who watched the show.  Loki literally falls in love with Sylvie immediately, and then he suddenly turns from “villain” to “hero” just because of loving her.  And this was definitely at the expense of his characterization.  And Loki just knows he falls in love with her.  There’s not even any moments of hmm what do I feel for this person?  It’s just true love, immediately.

She will be related to a canon character in some way. This (marginally) helps explain such phenomena as her being a Copy Cat Sue and other characters accepting her so easily.

Sylvie is a Loki variant.  They use this to help explain why Loki is drawn to her and why their falling in love immediately “makes sense”.

Most characters give her more heed than they normally would. The good guys never stop praising her

Seriously, it was so over the top and OOC for Loki to gush over her.  He literally tells her she’s amazing.  They don’t even make it subtle.

Characters' previously established personalities change in reaction to her. Proud, arrogant gimps suddenly acknowledge her superiority in everything. Reckless youths will listen to all her advice. Responsible leaders will defer to her instead. Villains will obsess with her to the detriment of all else. Extremely competent characters will become stumbling buffoons who require her help to do anything. Sweet, mild-mannered characters whom the author doesn't like turn evil and insult her. They all become unnaturally focused on her in some way.

Again, Loki’s whole personality changed in reaction to her.  He became a buffoon who needed her help to enchant the Alioth because of course he couldn’t do anything without her!  Hunter B-15 goes from doing whatever the TVA said to fighting the TVA just because of Sylvie.

Story Elements

Mary Sue is without exception a single-person Spotlight-Stealing Squad. The entire story hinges on her existence; if you removed her, there would be no story. 

Sylvie undoubtedly drove the whole story this season.  It all became about HER meeting the TVA heads because of HER trauma.  Loki’s life was only saved at the beginning because the TVA was trying to capture HER.  And SHE was the one who started the whole multiverse (!).

Mary Sue is The Chosen One, even if the setting already has one. There are many ways she can accomplish this: she can be a Sailor Earth type who "shares" the position with the canon hero; she may be vaguely "destined to help the destined one fulfill their destiny" (i.e. do all the work except the final blow so that the prophecy is still technically correct); or the canon hero may be revealed to be a Fake Ultimate Hero all along. Being the Chosen One doesn't necessarily involve her being a God-Mode Sue, especially as authors become aware of the phenomenon and try to avoid it, but it does make her critically important to the world and allows her to continue stealing the spotlight without the "god mode" label.

HWR wanted Sylvie to come with Loki in the end, like she was chosen all along right alongside Loki.  Like one of the most important characters in the entire MCU is now this character who we only met a few episodes ago.

Most Sues have an unusually Dark and Troubled Past. It's often used to create a Sympathetic Sue, but any type of Sue can have one

They tell us, over and over, how hard Sylvie’s life was because she was kidnapped by the TVA in order to create sympathy for her.

She almost never does anything wrong. In the rare instance that she does, it's usually; (a) a way for the author to disclaim her being a Mary Sue by introducing a single imperfection (that has no bearing on anything anyway), and (b) designed to show her smarts by making her feel instant remorse, and she'll be Easily Forgiven anyway:

So this one hopefully will not come true, as a lot can change between now and when the show is taped. But if the show goes on the way the behind the scenes team is talking, Sylvie immediately felt remorse for betraying Loki, and Loki has already forgiven her and is desperately looking for her.  Ugh.

Alternatively, she is more than capable of doing something wrong, be it in general moral terms or something that goes against whatever code she abides by, and she maybe even frequently does so, but don't expect the other characters or the narrative to ever acknowledge or comment on it in any real capacity. If the other characters do call her out, expect them to be treated like they're the problem for daring to criticize her at all.

Mobius calls her out for killing people, but Sylvie immediately says he’s a bad person and then Mobius agrees, because, of course.

She will often suffer from Special Snowflake Syndrome; i.e., she has a trait or backstory that sets her apart from her group or race.

She is the only female Loki, thus making her the special one among all the Lokis in episode five.

Presentation

In visual media, the camera just can't stop staring at her.

The camera would follow her in fight scenes rather than Loki.

Mary Sue Tropes

Okay, so there are specific Mary Sue tropes that Sylvie is.  One of those is Copy Cat Sue, which I think was referenced before.

Copy Cat Sue

A lot of fanfic writers...start to write something because of their passion for this character, but they find something about the character that doesn't mesh well. Maybe they're the wrong gender or are otherwise not close enough to the author's expectations...In any case, rather than put them through the Possession Sue process, they just get a Clone-O-Matic™ and out pops a Copy Cat Sue...the character might be intended as a replacement for the canon character, but without whatever icky traits the author hates. They'll then rob the spotlight, prove the canon character to be unworthy of his/her position, and either relegate the character to obsolescence or, perhaps, even remove them entirely.

Sylvie is basically a clone of Loki, she is a variant.  But she absolutely robbed the spotlight of Loki’s, and they literally call her the superior Loki.  I mean, they are literally not even being subtle about this.  And there was a feeling by myself (and a lot of other viewers) that Sylvie might ultimately replace Loki in the MCU. 

Black Hole Sue

Much like a black hole, this is a Mary Sue who "sucks in" the plot and characters to her. Characters will behave outside their personalities, logic will be defied, and rules will be broken for her sake.

Sylvie really does suck up all the plot and Loki definitely behaves outside of his personality just to fit the Sylvie show.

Jerk Sue

A Mary Sue who is mean or maybe even cruel, but are still treated as an ideal person.

Once again, Sylvie is basically a jerk all of episode three, but you’ve got Loki falling over himself to call her amazing in just the next episode.

Relationship Sue

A Mary Sue who exists to be the perfect mate for a specific character...this character has everything in the plot conspiring to enforce this One True Pairing...in Fanfiction, they are the perfect beloved of a canon character.

They literally have Mobius speculate that Loki falling in love with Sylvie is so extraordinary that it causes an entire Nexus event, that’s how huge this One True Pairing is (!).  And Sylvie is the love interest of Loki, the only character who had been around before the beginning of the series

TLDR: Sylvie has all the tropes of a classic Mary Sue character.  So calling Sylvie a Mary Sue isn’t being sexist or just randomly hating on the character.  If you use common Mary Sue characteristics to examine the character, she just has too many of these characteristics to ignore.

[veliseraptor]

top 5 the untamed fanfic AUs you'd like to read

t juslides in with meme six months late without starbucks

this is just noting, also, that many of these AUs already exist! I’m just talking here about AUs I want to see more of.  just because they’re on here doesn’t mean I’m discounting the versions people have already written.

1. AU where Xue Yang gets stuck traveling with Xiao Xingchen (and Song Lan, optionally) after the massacre of the Chang Clan, but in CQL verse where they end up as fugitives (oh my god, and then they were fugitives). We know from a brief throwaway line from Wen Qing that apparently Song Lan (and presumably also Xiao Xingchen) are on the Wen shit list, most likely because they’re people who had contact with Xue Yang and Xue Yang is Wen Ruohan’s Most Wanted for a while there until he gets busy with other stuff. And I want to see things that play with that! Either with just Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen or with the whole trio.

But yeah! On the run together, presumably Xiao Xingchen can’t/won’t ditch Xue Yang to get up to mischief, I don’t think he’s terribly inclined to turn him over to the Wens for a few different reasons, and everyone else is getting all caught up in a war so his options for ‘places to drop Xue Yang off that could handle him’ are pretty narrow.

I’m a sucker for bonding under duress and this seems like it could be a fun opportunity, and also has the bonus of probably keeping Xue Yang from annihilating Baixue Temple, which is good.

2. AU where Xiao Xingchen knows who Xue Yang is from the get-go (or figures it out mid-stream) and for whatever reason keeps him around anyway. I don’t care why it happens or how it happens I just think it’s a fun concept to work with, however it’s played. Whether it happens so that Xue Yang knows Xiao Xingchen knows, or Xiao Xingchen knows but Xue Yang doesn’t know that he does, or it’s ambiguous and they’re kind of going for plausible deniability...it just creates some fun opportunities, ya feel?

I’m particularly fond of this happening midstream rather than right off, because I think it does really interesting and fun things to their dynamic if Xiao Xingchen is already invested at that point (and that’s the version I feel like I see more often), but I’m currently writing a version of from the get-go and enjoying that too.

3. Yi City reincarnation AU. I just want everyone being kinda fucked up by their past lives and continuing to be stuck in each others’ orbit, and I especially like this when Song Lan isn’t reincarnated and is just, you know, still around but undead.

I am aware this is not how reincarnation works at all, that part of the point is that it’s a fresh start, but it’s what I want when it comes to my fanfiction AUs and I think that’s legit of me. 

I just...love a cyclical narrative, too, so I also really enjoy versions of this where it’s more than one reincarnation cycle, and I would read like. 100k of that.

4. AU where Xiao Xingchen’s suicide either fails or Xue Yang brings him back and is desperate to make things work this time. This is another “I will read five million versions of this concept” things, and I will read them in a wide range of dark to more hopeful, and I will still hunger for more because god!!! There’s so many ways you can take it and all of them are delicious. Another reason I specifically love this one is because either way Xiao Xingchen is going to be a mess and I kind of love fucking Xiao Xingchen up emotionally and psychologically but not in a way where he, you know, dies.

...which as I write that out is very Xue Yang of me, isn’t it.

And then also Xue Yang frantically going LOOK I MADE IT BETTER (he did not make it better) and TOTALLY FIXED IT EVERYTHING’S FINE NOW RIGHT (it is not fine now) and he’s not used to having to, you know, “make amends” or whatever, this is not an experience he’s familiar with and he’s not enjoying it.

5. does “time loop AUs” count as a single entry? because like. I would read several different versions of time loop AUs. for an incomplete sampling:

A. Xiao Xingchen stuck in a time loop. I’m writing one of these but I would like many, in which Xiao Xingchen is stuck in a miserable cycle until he figures out a Yi City fix it, and a lot of people die several times in the process, and it’s all very upsetting. Doesn’t this sound good to you guys?

B. Wei Wuxian stuck in a time loop. I have a prompt for this one for myself about Wei Wuxian in a time loop specifically at Nightless City which is really where I want it to be. Again, for misery reasons. I always like trapping characters at their low points. It just makes everything more fun.

C. Jiang Cheng stuck in a time loop. I don’t even care where, it just...okay, not only is it good for all the usual reasons it’s good (forcing someone to recapitulate their trauma and being unable to escape it until they find a way to escape it), is that not a perfect metaphor for Jiang Cheng’s life and problems.

The “being stuck in a moment or moments of time and unable to get out, unable to leave the past behind, continually recapitulating in a more metaphorical way past traumas and therefore often recreating them” and like. Would love to do that to him. I don’t even know where I’d want it to start. After the fall of Lotus Pier? Before that? After Wei Wuxian comes back? After Wei Wuxian goes to the Burial Mounds? I just want to read Jiang Cheng suffering through the mortifying experience of reliving his own mistakes and also making new ones.

D. Xue Yang stuck in a time loop. Someone did already write a very good and frankly iconic version of this but there can never be too many and also that one was very sad and I’d love one where it is less sad. Though sad works too, because the whole theme of Yi City being “we are all trapped in this cycle of destruction no one is escaping alive” is...well, it hurts me but also I like it. but also it hurts me. regardless I would love to read Xue Yang making a go at fixing things (for himself, obviously, all else is incidental) because he’d be terrible at it.

anyway, that’s five, or maybe eight depending on how you count. I’m going with five.

you will notice that pretty much all of these are yi city centric aus and that is because I’m actually less interested in aus that futz with the main plot, in general. I’m not opposed to them or anything but I don’t generally seek them out unless they’re by an author I already know I like.

(hypothetically I would like Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli to not die, but the problem is that I’m so deeply invested in the tragedy of the first life. like, in the Yanli Lives fic I’m writing I killed Jiang Cheng because I wanted to keep that sweet Yunmeng Siblings Misery.)

the exception to this would hypothetically be varieties of Jin Guangyao Lives AUs, but I actually have less of a concrete idea of what I want from that one, just that I, you know. want him to live his best life actually.

[fromtheplanethexagon]

the robot problem: a critical look at tobecky, 5 years late

hello wordgirl fandom i am back :) and i have a lot of thoughts that i never got around to expressing before i moved on from the show. so be aware that everything i'm saying is based on my experiences during the 2012-2016 era of the fandom & state of tumblr in general, and i am not familiar with more recent fan content.

it's been over five years since the show ended, and @ifbrd​ reminded me (along with some great analysis) that while tobecky was super popular since before the show technically started (thanks to the play date shorts), it's pretty unhealthy in a lot of ways that tend to be excused or flat out ignored in fanworks. i'd like to reflect on that a bit (a lot); specifically, how both the show and the fandom approached this enemies-to-lovers ship, and how easily this ship can slip into uncomfortable territory if we're careless about how we interpret the ship and create fan content of it.

i will admit, i'm mostly writing this as a response to past me and my old creations - though i moved on from the show as a whole years ago, i do like taking the time to reflect on old interests once in a while, and reevaluating my thoughts on them. and this ship is probably the biggest one that still lurks in the corners of my mind once in a while, so let's go.

cherish is the word: a short positive note before a much longer negative one

i wanted to start this essay off with some positivity, because i am going to be very negative after this. tobecky was, in some ways, cute. it's obvious from the very beginning that these two characters are on pretty equal ground, even if one of them isn't aware of it. and that's part of the fun - the irony of how unaware tobey is that his nemesis/crush/person that pretty much always wins against him is someone that he completely dismisses as incompetent. i want to point this out because honestly, in general i don't like enemies-to-lovers because a lot of them use a power imbalance within the dynamic, and i hate power imbalances, especially when it comes to actual life-or-death scenarios (at least, as much as cartoons can do that). in most episodes, becky is never actually forced to go along with his wishes. she's not held in a 'date' against her will, nor is she ever really outwitted by him. i bring this up because there is one huge, uncomfortable exception, which i will get to later.

another big plus to the ship is the fact that they just... get along? even when fighting? of course we get brief moments where they just hang out and talk about paintings or whatever, but i'm talking about how much they get each other, even if they don't realize it. like the word banter, for example. been there since day one. becky loves words, and while most other people in her life don't really care (ranging from 'eh, that's cool i guess' to her brother calling it annoying), tobey gives her a chance to show off and thus treats her as a worthy adversary as herself, not because of her more generic superpowers - something that we've seen in canon that she feels self-conscious about (see: her motivation in patch game). one of the less noticed examples, to me, is "it's your party and i'll cry if I want to", because it's just - okay. they both are excluded from a social event, and while it's obvious that tobey deals with it by destroying the city, it's also pretty obvious that becky also deals with her frustration by fighting in that battle. like, yes, realistically it's just objectively bad that he's destroying buildings. but they're also providing each other with a way to work through their frustrations, first by fighting and then by talking things out, and finally by hanging out together instead of dwelling on being excluded from the party.

so it makes a lot of sense to me that many tobecky fans gravitated towards writing far-in-the-future fic, usually by implying that some growth had taken place before starting to write the ship. (there are, as far as i'm aware, 2... maybe 3 exceptions, that take the time to attempt a real redemption for him, at least when i left the fandom.) because if you take away his worst moments, either by reasoning out that he was 10 years old and a mess, or that he was a cartoon character in a cartoon world where everyone's actions are over-the-top, or by just flat-out pretending that certain episodes never happened, there's some pretty solid ground to start a ship on.

go gadget go: we all do not see it, we simply close our eyes (review of canon)

when the show began, i was the same age as the characters. a lot of other people were, too - at least in my cohort of the fandom. i think it's pretty safe to say that many of us have fond memories of the show's earlier seasons, and held on to that interest as we got older, for whatever reasons. so like, not to be all 'as an OG fan...', but i remember seeing the shorts air for the first time in 2006. i have a diary entry in july of 2009 about how i, a 12yo with no concept of the idea of 'shipping', was disappointed in the new tobey episode because i wanted more tobecky interactions. (that was robo-camping, btw, lol.) and so i remember how exciting their rivalry felt, watching them as someone literally their exact same age, and then watching that again as a nostalgic 17yo, and then uh... growing up, to put it frankly, and realizing just how unhealthy most of their interactions were.

okay what i meant to say was, this section is an overview of the relationship's canon portrayal throughout the years.

first, we have early tobecky: this includes the shorts and the first few seasons. this is their classic relationship: he likes her and takes robots on rampages to get her attention, she majorly disapproves and has fun taking him down. we've all seen the show, you know what i'm talking about. his backhanded ways of trying to find out her identity often feature prominently in the episodes, which - sigh, i've mentioned this whole issue before, but it's kind of a grey area in the whole uncomfortable-factor thing, because while trying to find out her identity is VERY invasive, it's something that like... everyone in the show tries to do, even her canon crush (scoops). on the one hand, it's really not a great look, but on the other hand, this is a cartoon meant to parody a genre in which this trope is extremely common. so i just wanna say that i have Issues and Thoughts on this aspect of their relationship, but there are other things i find more important to discuss here.

second, we have late tobecky: this is seasons 7-8. this is... a very strange and huge shift from the previous dynamic, though it's not necessarily obvious. what i mean by that is that for some reason, the show writers made it so that half of tobey’s rampages have nothing to do with his crush on wordgirl, even though that used to be the sole reason for his villainy. seriously. we have the birthday episode, where he's upset because he feels left out; wg vs tobey vs the dentist, where he's mad that he has a cavity; and trustworthy tobey, where his robot goes on a rampage... after becky accidentally makes it malfunction. the two outliers are ‘guess who’s coming to thanksgiving dinner’ and ‘patch game’, but they still differ from previous seasons because 1) his destruction is isolated to a forest far away from the city, and 2) his motive is still to impress wordgirl, but his methods are relatively tame. also he completely gives up on the secret identity thing??? i may have missed some things but i think he straight up tells her 'yeah there's no way you're wordgirl, lol' and the subject is just dropped for the rest of the show.

i also want to include 'the robot problem' here, because it's one of two season 6 tobey episodes, and follows the 'doesn't destroy buildings to get her attention' pattern: in fact, he teams up with her to try and stop someone else from going on a rampage (even if his reasons are selfish, lol).

and finally. the other season 6 episode. we have go gadget go, the bane of my time spent in the fandom. because GGG is the single episode where tobey truly manages to take away her autonomy, and proceeds to abuse that power for an extended period of time, for his own amusement. it's bad. it's Very Bad. put in the context that it's a white boy doing this to an (ambiguously) brown girl, it's REALLY REALLY BAD. and the more i look back on it, tbh, the more weirded out i am that the show not only made it seem like she wasn't affected at all within the episode, it just... forgot about it (which is not unusual for shows and especially children’s shows, but WG does make some efforts to either retain continuity or create canon reasons for why things are forgotten about). it's the kind of thing that you can't excuse and honestly you can't redeem (like at this point, you gotta ask yourself why you're spending so much effort trying to redeem this guy when becky has several other possible ships that are nowhere near this unhealthy - violet, scoops, honestly even victoria if you want another hero/villain ship, my absolute fave rarepair rose, etc).

so if you want to still ship it you have to just pretend that it never happened. (i remember trying for weeks to write something exploring the aftermath of this episode, to try and make myself feel better about it, but the more i wrote the more i realized just how traumatic this event should've been, so i eventually just dropped it.) and i brought up my own timeline of experiences earlier to point out that this episode aired eight whole years after the show started. which means that when i saw it, even though i was a huge stickler for canon at the time, i'd built up my own idea of the show and characters strongly enough to go 'yeah, no, this episode sucks and i am going to pretend that it doesn't exist'. and i think a lot of other people did too, because i really saw like... no one mention it, ever, except for some rogue fanfics over on ff dot net that already liked dynamics like that.

because here's the thing, and i don't know if people nowadays are aware of it? but i'm 80% sure (cannot find a source, so the other 20% is that it was just a rumor) that the show was originally supposed to end after season 6. and even if it's a rumor, it makes a ton of sense, because we get 1) an 'ending' to tobecky, which is a bad one, 2) a permanent wordgirl identity reveal that significantly changes one of the major dynamics in the show, 3) an episode where TJ gets to work with wordgirl and get a nice potential ending for their sibling dynamic, 4) an episode where we see Two-Brains explore life without his henchmen... the list goes on, and idk how many of these are just major stretches. but the point is. if the show had ended there, that would've been a pretty solid ending for many things, including their relationship: aka, it would prove that it was only ever heading somewhere bad, and when tobey finally has his moment of triumph, he is truly evil about it. and this provides us fans who HATE go gadget go with an easy reason to dismiss it - we can say that it was an attempt to conclude things in a way that wouldn't have happened if the writers had known they'd get more time. but despite that... it is still a canon episode.

it is odd to me how dramatically the dynamic shifts after that, though, because we seriously go from 'worst case ever, tobecky is toxic, your ship is dead' to 'no actually they get along and hang out and get ice cream together and tobey isn't even pressuring her into it, she's happy to go along with it :)' like, immediately. i never knew much about the show writers, so i don't know if the writers changed in between these seasons, but i would absolutely not be surprised if they did.

the earlier episodes are definitely problematic as well (though they pale in comparison to GGG) but i think everyone who ships it is aware considering that tobey is, yknow, a villain. from memory, he destroys buildings to get her attention, lies to her about the level of danger that people are in to trick her into spending more time with him, blackmails her into reading his poetry, and he creates a robot based on her that’s supposed to be devoted to him (but of course, all of these things backfire). not great stuff of course, but like... he’s a villain, that’s the point of his character. and considering that he’s a child these are things that can be redeemed, if done thoughtfully.

anyway, to sum up this section, the show starts off with a pretty standard 'enemies with an unrequited crush' setup, takes a really dark turn for a single episode, and then for the rest of the show takes their dynamic in a direction that makes it much, much easier to ship. as long as you ignore a lot of previous content.

wordbot: where's becky's autonomy in all of this? (misogyny)

we've finally gotten to the fandom. i recognize that a lot of this is going to come across as hypocritical considering how active i used to be re: this ship, but like... i'm a very different person now. anyway. disclaimer i guess - i don't write this to accuse all tobecky shippers of being like this - i know a lot of us aren't/weren't! but boy do i have things to point out, so without further ado:

it is very hard to ship this without allowing some bit of misogyny to slip into it. very, very hard. the entire premise of the ship involves a girl falling in love with a boy that repeatedly pressures her to date him via threats to the safety of herself and people she cares about, which... it's 2020, i shouldn't have to explain why that's terrible & a terrible example to set for children (which is why i am glad they never made it canon, tbh). best-case fan content has tobey stop pressuring her and start working to redeem himself out of an actual change of heart, which leads to becky seeing him in a new light. worst-case fan content treats his incessant pressuring and sometimes outright threats as something romantic - and even worse, romantic to the point where he deserves her attention and love as a reward for not giving up or whatever. i did see this pretty frequently for a while, especially in the earlier 2010s (didn't read much, Not My Thing At All), but i don't feel like going into detail here because of how obviously problematic it is. one medium (but still bad) case is where the fan content makes him start his redemption, but treats her liking him back as a reward for not knocking buildings over anymore. another not great case is where she tries to fix him with her love, which is a very common and very dangerous romantic trope. both are just... so incredibly unfair to her.

in content where she tries to 'fix him'... yeah i feel like it's really obvious how misogynistic that is. girls and women should not feel responsible for the evil actions of men, plain and simple. idk what else to say here i just really hate that trope and hated it back then and it just sucks! so can we not do that anymore, thanks.

in content that treats her like a reward for good behavior, there really isn't much of an explanation for what she sees in him. if she just goes 'oh wow, you're good now, i am going to fall in love with you for it' the whole thing falls flat because it makes NO sense whatsoever. we get to hear so much about tobey and his feelings and why he likes her and how he feels about it, but where is that energy for becky? why does she choose to trust him, to spend time around him, what does she enjoy about his presence? where is her getting over scoops in the process of falling for tobey? where is her telling her friends about this, confiding in them, asking them for advice? where is her choice in the matter?

win a day with wordgirl: do you guys even like becky or do you just like the idea of her (misogyny... 2!)

it was pretty standard for all fandoms the early-mid 2010s, but that's still not a good excuse for why so many tobecky fanfictions centered specifically around tobey's feelings while refusing to give becky the same level of empathy and nuance. it is true that to ship them comfortably you have to redeem him to some degree, which means spending time figuring him out and trying to find ways to pull him to the light without feeling super OOC. but ships take two people??? and there was so much potential for fanfics to explore becky's complex feelings on the matter - because she is! complex! she's heroic and kind but she's petty and has a competitive streak, she easily befriends villains but also doesn't trust them and doesn't believe they can ever really change, she's the savior of an entire planet but has feelings of inadequacy as her civilian identity and struggles with feeling like she can be successful without superpowers, she's great at the straightforward meanings and uses of words and loves reading but struggles to write passages that aren't dry as hell, it can be easily headcannoned that she's neurodivergent (special interests, issues with fitting in with her peers, taking things very literally, etc)... seriously there is SO MUCH to explore about her character, and a lot of it comes into play when you add tobey into the mix (literally ALL of the things i mentioned are explored at some point using tobey as a parallel or foil), but i rarely saw fanfiction that explored her thoughts on things further than 'he's evil but... maybe good?' or 'he's evil but... i kind of like him anyway?'.

if you want her to fall for him while being a villain, explore it!! why does she go against her morals? does she lie to herself about it to feel better? does she feel like she has to 'fix him' as part of her superhero duties to the city, and if so, how does that affect her as she tries and fails to help him? does she fall for him when she believes that he's turning good, only to feel betrayed when he starts acting worse because he feels like he can get away with it? it's such a shame that fanworks spend so little time even considering these questions, and it is absolutely a product of how deeply misogyny is/was baked into how we approach media (especially back then).

tobey goes good: but wait, i thought this show was progressive (a conclusion, i guess)

ifbrd wrote a great meta recently about how the show is a bit misogynist, despite being progressive in several ways. honestly i don't have much to add, but i'd really recommend reading through this; it makes a lot of great observations about the ways that male and female characters are presented differently through the show

i have little to add, so i'd just like to conclude with a reflection on the ship from my current viewpoint. i do think part of the reason so many of us latched onto the ship, despite how obviously problematic it was, is that the show treats a lot of things that would be serious in real life as normal or even comedic - which is fine lol, i'm not going to pretend that it's not a show for little kids, so they have to keep the tone light.

but if we, as teens/adults, decide to engage with this content in a more realistic manner, we have to be prepared to confront how messed up so many of the things going on really are. and if you still want to ship it, there's nothing inherently wrong with that! there's a lot of interesting things to explore in this ship, no matter what stage of enemies-to-friends-to-lovers you write them at, and it can be really helpful to have a space where you can explore a dynamic such as this in fiction. (speaking from experience here tbh, writing some fic for them helped me deal with complicated feelings about some ex-longtime friends.)

so to write this ship at all means that there are canon issues that you need to deal with if you want to have them end up in a healthy relationship in any manner that makes sense (unless you create an AU where none of that is applicable, which, power to you then). and i’m not saying ‘write them with a healthy endgame or you’re Bad’, not at all lol. but at least please, please take a step back once in a while to examine the dynamic that you’re writing, and please be careful about whether you mean to be romanticizing whatever behaviors you end up portraying as good.

[by-inky]

Why Twisted Wonderland fandom is so toxic, a draft by inky’s experiences

You’re not forced to read this. Yet, I hope this spreads more awareness.

First clear-up; I won’t accept any kind of criticism, constructive or not. I just don’t care if you have something to say against this, or if you attack me I still won’t give a flying fuck. I’m basing all this in my personal experiences.

Second clear up; I am not calling out anyone with this, or any past public drama that may have happened in the Twisted Wonderland fandom. You’ll feel attacked only if you actually have done or still do one or more of the things I mention in this text. THIS IS NOT A PERSONAL ATTACK.

Third clear up; If you noticed I’m ruder in here, you’re kind of right. I’m just really done with people who keep throwing crap on a fandom that has everything (it has a nice story, amazing characters, material, merch, awesome fanart and fanfics, fancreations…) it’s the most complete fandom I’ve been in and still some people keep making the community hostile to stay in.

  I think we all know at this point that twst’s fandom is toxic. Now there are different factors for this.

I’ll start by the one that surprised me the most.

1. A HUGE part of the fandom is formed by adults. I don’t mind this, however this is frustrating.

I completely don’t mind if you’re 26 or 14, as long as you’re having fun without harming anyone you can stay around. My theory of why there are so many grown-up people is because Disney children are now older. Now, what’s frustrating is not that there are adults, but the fact that they don’t behave like some.

I apologize, but you simply can’t ask for a teen (because they exist too) to equal their “matureness” with yours. How for instance, a 16 year-old person gets in an argument with a, let’s say, 22 year-old person, the teen has less experience want it or not. You can’t just pretend they have an intellectual similar to yours. On the other hand, there are cases where the adult behaves like a girl with perenne period.

The fact I, a 15 year-old person, got into a few arguments with straight up adults that reason like a child proves this point. I’m not someone who likes to get into fights or discussions with other people, but when they get to the point to get even bratty when they’re clearly in the wrong annoys me so much.

Just mind your own business.

2. Public blaming. Seriously what’s up with this. I’ve seen quite some arguments online, public so lots of people could see, on topics that aren’t even important? Please wash your dirty clothes in private, direct messages or with a small group still in private, honestly making stuff public doesn’t help but create drama and make the problem even bigger.

However, I can understand when a user is really toxic, and someone who calls them out is really brave. But please keep small discussions behind closed doors and move on. I know it can be difficult, but you’ll be better.

Add-up: tumblr is -5$. It’s a crappy website where people bicker to kill time. It’s not worth it. If you need help, you can DM me at any time if you trust me, and everything will be between me and you without getting out of the chat. I’ll help you at the best of my abilities.

3. Support. I haven’t been in a more hostile and cold fandom than this one. Where are the likes? The support crew? Does that not exist?

Small blogs are being stepped on by huge, bigger ones. It seriously looks like nobody cares. And what’s more draining, people usually get the same blogs and posts recommended.

I have several experiences with this, and tumblr is a place where you grow if you’re lucky and noticed. I’m calling this fact out since I’m now a medium account and send asks to smaller accounts like crazy in hope the blogs get noticed, but knowing this is still crushing. And what’s worse, that most people do not care at all. Please support creators, everyone deserves love.

And if you like someone’s content, a kind ask (small blog or big) can make a person’s whole day. 4. Anons. WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIS ANON HATE. I just- why?

Aight I’ve been in lots of fandoms (Kimetsu no Yaiba, Yuri on Ice, Dangerous Fellows, Mystoc Messenger, Nanbaka, Hetalia, Haikyuu, etc), and none of this was as hateful as the Twisted Wonderland one. Usually are the small blogs the ones that get targeted since the big ones already have a “backup” of people who support them no matter what.

I got quite a few anon hate as well, but honestly I couldn’t care less because I post what I like and I still enjoy posting, but I understand there are people who take it to the personal and anons like this unmotivates them. Please support them. They’re people, they’re humans too. And most of them don’t deserve the hate.

Also if you got anon hate, it’s probably just a bored person. I know it can be difficult, but shrug it off. 

5. Blogs and toxicity. Connecting this to the previous point. Accounts are people before they are blogs. Follow blogs for the people before you follow for the content. There can be really toxic people behind amazing material. If you realize an admin of a blog is toxic, is better unfollow them than keep following for content. It seems almost like you’re supporting them.

Congrats for reaching this far! Here have a cookie

If you need support, or vent, or even have a small chat my DMs are always open! You can text me via Discord as well (by Inky#6188) and I’ll do my best!

[smokedstorybara]

everyone seems to describe writing fanfic, and their motives for doing so, as “fixing canon”

which is totally valid

it’s just not how it is for me

(I make a lot of long introspective posts like this on my main, like one every couple months, but since this one is about writing I figured I’d put it here instead; I’m gonna put a readmore here so y’all can skip over it all if you want)

for me writing fanfiction is almost like an experiment, an exploration of variables - circumstance, setting, choices - and how they affect the characters trajectories and the outcome of the story as a whole (though tbh I tend approach writing in general as an exploration of tropes and structure and psychology so I guess it’s just how I am)

(I’m gonna use some fanfics I’m working on, as well as the couple I’ve actually posted, as examples to help me explain what I mean, so if you don’t want spoilers maybe don’t read)

first: exploration of circumstance (then setting, choices, and ending with all three together)

my two examples for this are my published Dear Evan Hansen fic (Apprentice) Park Ranger Handsome and a role-reversal Arrowverse au I’m working on

(A)PRH started with the thought “what would’ve happened if Evan and Connor had first interacted over the summer, at the park Evan worked at?”

my first answer was a simple “their first meeting would likely have gone much smoother - the environment and circumstances of it being much more relaxed”

this led to “they both would’ve latched on to that; this conversation is going well lets try to keep it going as long as possible I’m starved for positive interaction turning into if I talk to him again maybe it’ll go as well as last time it hasn’t gone wrong yet keep coming back keep talking to him maybe this can be good”

which leads to them becoming friends (and likely developing crushes on each other) and then opening up to each other >> relying on each other >> supporting each other >> each realizing that if they want to support the other they need a more stable support themself >> Evan likely being the first to actively reach out for outside support since he already has a therapist and relatively better relationship with his mother >> Evan doesn’t fall from that tree and Connor doesn’t commit suicide >> the entire plot of the play no longer happens but the boys are happy and their families are at least on their ways to healing

the Coldflash role-reversal (which does not have a name yet) actually started with the question “what element would I need to change for Barry to still be a CSI for the CCPD but also use his superspeed to become a criminal?”

the element I went with was him not being allowed access to the file on his mother’s murder

the cause-effect diagram so far is as follows: Barry isn’t allowed access to the file and thus can’t investigate >> he’s upset about this fact >> in a better mental state to be aware of corruption and laziness in the police force (as well as other factors that lead to the wrong person getting arrested) >> becomes bitter and disillusioned but hides it because he still wants to do what he can to prevent innocent people from going to jail >> when he gets superpowers he decides to use it to bring light to the failings of the city’s law enforcement >> becomes a thief >> tries to steal the Khandaq Dynasty Diamond at the same time as Leonard Snart does >> Leonard Snart gets a hold of the cold gun >> they both try again at the same time but because Flash is faster the public see him as a thief and “Captain Cold” as a hero >> because Snart is a giant nerd and also because he’s frustrated with all the chaos in his city from the metas, he decides to go along with it and becomes a superhero

second: exploration of setting

my only example for this is a fantasy au I recently started for Pacific Rim

so the variable I changed was “instead of a war between humans and beings from another world, it’s a war between the two fae courts”

and where changing a circumstance leads to a cause and effect of characters choices, changing setting leads to a map of what that changes in the characters circumstances and identities

some examples from this au:

Hannibal Chau is a human who uses deals with what I’ve been calling “J Court” in my outline to boost his black market business - instead of just being a shady black market dealer with ties to the PPDC, he’s one of the few humans who even knows the fae exist

Stacker Pentecost is either the king of the J Court or the leader of it’s army, giving him much more power than he had in canon

Raleigh left the Court after Yancy’s death, separating himself from his people and instead immersing himself in humanity, but somehow Stacker convinced him to return

(on the flip side: Newt is still an expert on Kaiju biology and just as obsessed with studying them as he is in canon)

third: exploration of choices

this exploration is where I look at one choice made in canon and ask myself “how would everything change if a different choice was made here?”

two examples again; an Umbrella Academy fic (tentatively named “The One Where He Stayed” in my drive) and a Check Please fic currently titled Moving On

the choice in TOWHS is Klaus going back to 2019 after Dave dies - instead he stays, serves a full tour in Vietnam and then returns to the US with his surviving war buddies

this changes his circumstances, setting, and leads to a cause-effect chain of decisions

he’s now a veteran in early seventies USA, he has friends who respect him and care about him; he still decides to go sober to see Dave again but there’s more behind the decision; he makes himself a home and a family - even if a good portion of them are dead soldiers, some of them are the spouses of his brothers-in-arms, their children and siblings; he learns to control his powers, all of them; and when he finally ends up back in 2019 - either the long way or from accidentally opening the briefcase - he still has this family waiting for him to show back up, willing to help, he’s powerful and knows it, and there’s no way he’s going to let the apocalypse happen

Moving On is less changing a choice made in canon and more answering the question of “what would happen if this choice that wasn’t made was?”

or, more specifically, “what if Bitty and Jack broke up before the Stanley Cup win? how would that affect Bitty’s friendships, his life?”

because many of Bitty’s friends are also friends with Jack, or at least look up to him, and in fact several were friends with Jack first

this one is mostly about exploring the psychology of the comic’s characters and how they all would react

I was happy to realize there would likely not be too much side taking, but there would be awkwardness for most of them; Bitty would likely gravitate more towards spending time with Tango, Whiskey, and Ford who would be the three most likely to not make a big deal out of it or make things awkward; also Bitty would be unable to tell his mother, which would eat at him

then there was the question “if Kent found out would he sympathize? would they become friends?” (slightly harder to answer, since Kent is a tiny bit of an enigma, but I chose to be optimistic there)

and the most important question: “how would I want to end this story? would it be a more satisfying conclusion for Bitty to find a new boyfriend and be happy with him, or to decide he doesn’t need a man to be happy? should Jack end the story single, or in a new relationship?”

the answers I decided on were: while Bitty doesn’t need a man to be happy, he was closeted his entire teens and at this point has only had one relationship and he deserves to get another chance at romance; and on the other side, Jack’s personal story is more about his hockey and becoming comfortable being himself and really all he needs is to win the Stanley Cup or something

fourth: all three at once - or in other words: The Soulmate AU

soulmate AUs are the best way to cover all three at once because the very existence of soulmates changes the circumstances of the story and how the world works, and affects what choices the characters would make

once again, I have two examples: my published Moomins fic Perchance To Dream, and an Arrowverse one-shot series titled Dream A Little Dream

Perchance To Dream was started by the question “in what way could I make Moomin and Snufkin soulmates without them immediately knowing upon meeting? which soulmate trope would I have to use?”

my tentative answer was soul dreams

which was quickly followed by the acknowledgement that if young Snufkin had started having soul dreams he’d likely be unhappy >> if Moomin knew his soulmate was unhappy with their soul bond and he had a way to cut off the bond - say, an herb that you take every night to stop your soul dreams - he’d do that for them, even if it would make him very sad >> time passes and they meet how they do in canon and they’ve both grown enough that they don’t immediately recognize each other >> Snufkin would figure it out first, but exactly when and how would depend on Moomin >> Snufkin would keep it a secret, nervous about telling Moomin >> Moomin would find himself drawn (and attracted) to Snufkin and would have very conflicting feelings over it >> they’d both spend an awfully long time feeling conflicted and guilty before Moomin decides he wants to be with Snufkin, soulmate or not, and Snufkin decides to tell Moomin the truth - probably around the same time

Dream A Little Dream exists entirely as an exploration of the soulmate trope and the different possibilities within

instead of being a romance focusing on one or two ships, it’s a non-linear web showing both how the existence of soulmates affects all the characters and how the events of canon affect the relationships of all the soulmate pairs

(I tried to separate it into primary pairs, secondary pairs, and tertiary pairs to make it easier on myself but all the pairings were too important to the whole idea behind the story to limit their chapters(literally I have, like, nine endgame ships and two of those are polyam(as in I’m counting a four person polyam chain as one ship, even if it might technically count as three, and the other is three people: one relationship); and around fifteen soul pairs(yes there are more soul pairs than endgame ships, there’s a reason for that)))

because of the way I’m exploring the trope there’s fairly little, aside from romantic relationships, that changes from canon (at least up to season four of the Flash, cause that’s as far as I’ve seen)

mostly it’s things like Leonard Snart returning to life because him and Barry are one of the soul pairs I plan on having end up together - after a very long process of Len spending nine months thinking his soulmate died >> then several months of Barry knowing Len’s his soulmate but Len being in the dark >> a period of Len trying to win Barry over but failing a bit >> Len dying and Barry mourning him >> Barry marrying and then divorcing Iris >> Len coming back to life >> Barry and him finally getting together

which is a parallel(in that they both have the “good guy is soulmated to bad guy” dynamic) and contrast to Cisco and Hartley who don’t realize they’re soulmates when they first meet and totally hate each other >> when they can no longer deny it, they start to work together and accept each other >> end up together

Iris’s soulmate is Eddie, and she, Caitlin, and Ray are explorations of moving on after the loss of your soulmate and the different forms that takes - Iris and Caitlin ending up together(along with Shawna, who was left behind by her soulmate) and Ray trying to fill Anna’s spot with other romantic relationships before finally realizing that that isn’t actually helping and finally properly coming to terms with the loss

and I’m gonna stop here instead of going any further into this one, since it’s got so many moving parts and also it’s a little harder to separate from canon than the others

[ducklettwrites]

31 Days of Fanfic: Day 3 “Not By Blood”

Day 3 prompt: Family

Title: Not By Blood

Now available on ao3

Fandom: Fire Emblem: Three Houses

In which Sylvain wants a big brother. 

Rating: Teen and Up. Warning: scenes describing and implying child abuse (both physically and verbally)

Characters: Glenn Fraldarius (fire emblem), Sylvain Jose Gautier (fire emblem)

Pairings: n/a

Author’s Notes: This one is late, and long. Probably the longest one I’ll write for this challenge. I’ve had this planned for a bit, and I greatly underestimated how difficult it would be to translate into words. Now just to say, this fic does deal heavily in themes of child abuse (both verbally and physically). Please be warned. Also, this fic is not ship. Glenn is approximately 15, and Sylvain is approximately 9 (the fact that at this point, Glenn was canonically engaged to a 7 year old greatly disturbs me wtf IS??).

They are Felix’s friends, and you need to treat them with respect.

A fact that his father was quick to remind him of whenever other noble houses were around. Truthfully Glenn had nothing against them, they were only children of course. That didn’t mean they weren’t annoying or tiresome. He was glad that Felix could keep them away from him, occupied with some game they played or whatever. Still, it didn’t hurt to be safe and keep yourself in a position away from their antics.

The training grounds were precisely where Glenn could be to get away. Surely any sensible child knew that running in the same area as arrows flying or swords swinging was not to be attempted. The only company he had to worry about was the mature adults. Though thinking a talk from Count Galatea about his future marriage did little to put him at ease on that front. Nor did the sudden feeling that he was being watched.

Attempting to ignore the feeling, he pushed through more forms, pausing between swings to bury his discomfort. Finding it becoming harder to breathe, he whipped around to face the person so keen on interrupting him. He intended on telling them off, giving them a piece of his mind, or something.

Looking at him with a sense of childlike innocence was the red-haired lanky Gautier child. Glenn found himself tongue tied. Despite his frustration, he knew the verbal lashing that came with yelling at a child, particularly the child of a neighboring house. Racking his brain to find what to say, he chose his words carefully.

“You really shouldn’t be out here.” He said slowly. “You could get hurt.” He hoped that by phrasing it as if he cared would soften whatever yelling came from correcting another man’s child.

Gautier’s child seemed unphased by his words, and simply stared back with an expression mixed of confusion and amusement. This, greatly unsettled Glenn, who was only getting more unnerved by the child’s continued presence. Luckily, he didn’t have to put up with him for long.

“Sylvain? Sylvain come on!” His brother’s voice called for the lost child from the group. Sylvain Gautier did not hesitate in rushing off to rejoin the others, only stealing one last glance in Glenn’s direction before disappearing from the grounds.

Glenn was alone once again, but that did little to calm his nerves. He told himself it didn’t mean anything. Gautier's child was just a foolish little one who wandered too far from the group. Surely nothing would come of this, surely.

-

Border meetings were hell. Several hours of listening to his father speak with the leader of their closest neighboring territory, and Margrave Gautier loved hear himself talk. He hoped no one would be offended that he excused himself to stretch his legs. He especially hoped no one had seen he had already fallen asleep at this meeting, dozing off some time ago only to awake and find the Margrave still talking.

He yawned and stretched, he knew this was all part of the game of nobles. With a sigh, he tried to keep his mind clear, moving through the halls of the family home. He knew he’d have to return to the meeting eventually, but he wanted to try and force himself awake first.

Passing several murals and paintings on the walls, he tried to remember what each had represented, who the portraits were of, anything to stay awake. Slowly he becomes aware of something, someone else watching him. Small footsteps moved quickly to keep up with Glenn’s increasing strides. Finding it impossible to outmaneuver his small stalker, he turned around to face them.

Sylvain Gautier was panting slightly, out of breath. Messy red hair hung over his eyes as he gripped the wall, taking small deep breaths.

This time Glenn found it difficult to hold his tongue. “What do you want?” he said in a regrettably snappish tone.

He thought he saw the child flinch, but tried to ignore it. “Was… wondering… what you were… doing.” Sylvain said between shallow breaths. “Thought… you were… suppose to still be in with… my father.”

Shit. Right. Everything he said would get back to Margrave Gautier, and that’s exactly the drama that his family needed right now was for the kid to squeal. For the sake of not pissing off their neighboring house, Glenn pushed down his annoyance.

“Apologies. And I am.” He adopted a softer, calmer voice through gritted teeth. “I just thought I’d take a quick walk.”

“Are the meetings… you know… boring?” Sylvain was getting better control over his breath now.

Glenn nearly snorted. “Come again?”

“Father says I’ll have to start going soon.” Sylvain explained “He says I need to start taking responsibility as a leader, but they sound boring. I don’t want to sit and watch grown ups talk.”

Neither do I kid. Glenn tried to keep himself from smiling. Another thing he didn’t need was to be blamed as a bad influence. “They’re important.” he forced himself to say eventually.

Sylvain sighed dramatically. “But why though? Can’t they just agree to work together and get it over with?”

It was getting harder to hide his amusement. “It’s not just agreeing that they need to do. It’s tactics and plans to make sure there isn’t an invasion.”

“I guess you’re right.” Sylvain said stretching his arms over his head. “When I take over my house, I’m going to make the meetings fun.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I look forward to it.” Glenn managed to give a bemused smile.

Sylvain was practically beaming in response. It unsettled Glenn slightly but he did his best to hide it, at the very least he would hopefully be out of trouble.

“Sylvain?” His brother’s voice shook him out of the trance he found himself slipping into.

Sylvain turned toward where Felix was calling, but hesitated. Switching glances between Glenn and his companion, clearing waiting for something.

“Go on, Sylvain.” Glenn gently shooed his brother’s friend toward his general location.

Sylvain still hesitated.

“We can continue talking later.” He could kick himself for his words.

Finally satisfied, Sylvain ran off. “Coming Felix!” Glenn heard him yell as he dashed away.

He sighed, and began walking back to the tactics room. At least the kid had no reason to squeal, and worst case scenario, he could avoid a child for a few days.

-

He yelled as the training dummy lost another limb. He was breathing heavier than he cared to admit. He wiped off his sword, preparing for the next strike. Training was a natural way to handle frustration, and boy was it relieving pretending the dummies were any number of stressful people. His father and future father-in-law were the bane of his existence. How the hell was he suppose to think about marriage right now? He would be moving out with his posting soon to patrol along the border. And hell, she was only seven. How the hell was he suppose to love her when she didn’t even know what love was?

Another swing and the dummy lost its head. Glenn stood breathing over the lifeless replica. How soon would he be seeing the real thing? A knot turned in his stomach and he pushed the thought aside. Combat was not to be feared, it was a natural part of being a knight. Glenn reminded himself of how much he wanted it, how much he worked for it, and the feeling subsided. With a sigh, he collected the training dummy and walked back to the edge of the grounds. He would get yelled at to be more careful with them from the maid, but he didn’t care.

Dropping the pieces off near the exit he noticed one of the training swords had been taken. He didn’t have to look far to find its procurer. On the other end of the training grounds, against the light of the setting sun, Sylvain was moving back and forth with the trainer in hand. Every so often, landing an imaginary jab against his imaginary assailant and laughing.

Glenn sighed, and began to move to retrieve the wooden sword to place among the others.

Sylvain had not noticed Glenn until he was nearly upon him. Strangely, the child’s face turned white when he spotted Glenn and he froze. They exchanged looks for a few moments, Sylvain looking like a deer about to be shot between the eyes, before Glenn once again pushed closer. Except each step Glenn made forward, Sylvain moved back.

Not in the mood for games, Glenn dove to grab the wooden sword. Sylvain, however, was small and quick, and backed out of his reach before he could retrieve it. He wasn’t however, well balanced, as he landed in the dirt. Glenn made another move to get the sword, and Sylvain crawled once again out of reach.

Running out of patience, he went for a third grab of the sword. Sylvain dodged him again, but just barely, and dodging did cost him. Glenn was now standing over him and he had no way to slip out.

“I’m sorry.” Sylvain whimpered. He had dropped the sword and adopted a defensive stance, raising his arms over his face and cowering. “I’m sorry sorry sorry.” he was practically chanting the words over and over.

Glenn stood over him, confused. It was as if he was expecting to be hurt. Looking closer at the child’s arms, he could see portions exposed from rolled up sleeves and his heart sank. Cuts, bruises, partially healed, and definitely intentional lined the child’s forearm up to his wrist. He had suspected Margrave Gautier to not be one to spare the rod, but surely a nobleman knew not to damage a part so exposed lest it draw attention.

He pushed his distaste for the Margrave aside, extending his hand out to the cowering Gautier child. It took Sylvain several seconds to realize there was no immediate attack and to lower his arms. It took him longer to realize the outstretched hand was in fact, for him, and was not meant as a threat. He faltered when taking the hand and cautiously pushed himself to his feet. With Sylvain on his feet, Glenn bent down to pick up the training sword.

“I apologize for scaring you.” he said catching Sylvain’s gaze as he stood back up, the child had been crying.

“I should have just said I needed the training sword instead of trying to chase it from you.” Glenn continued.

Sylvain rubbed his eyes with his sleeve, and remained silent.

“If it would make it up to you, I can show you how to properly do that move you were working on. It took me awhile to get good at it too.”

“You’d do that?” Sylvain’s voice was weak, and on the verge of breaking.

“It’s the least I can do to make up for it.” Glenn handed the trainer back to Sylvain and drew his own sword. “Now, when you step forward, you move your arm like this.”

He continued practicing with the Gautier child until dark, and he had to admit the child was a fast learner. Though the injuries still bothered him. He would need to discuss it with his father at a later time.

-

He had been gone for several weeks. The mission lasting much longer than originally anticipated. He never knew how great it would feel to step into his own home again. The relief of being home was brought short as all his other responsibilities caught back up to him. Marriage, politics, training. It was the combat on the homefront.

Glenn wandered through the halls and stopped near the exit leading to the training grounds. It was getting late, but he could not go to sleep now. One or two forms wouldn’t hurt he told himself, pushing out to the open range. The moonlight illuminated shadows of the field. The blackness of night was eerily calming as he drew his sword.

Movement caught his eye from the edge of the ground. Clearly late night practice had not been an idea for him alone. He didn't need to take more than one guess who had come for late night practice.

Sylvain was moving back and forth, trainer in hand, still practicing the form Glenn had shown him all that time ago. He silently admitted the kid had basically mastered it, a high achievement considering Felix was still working on the basics. Though as Glenn watched, he felt something in him tighten. Not every time, but on occasion, when the form called for the arm to extend, Sylvain would wince ever so slightly. It wasn't until he actually dropped the training weapon that Glenn felt the knot in his stomach again.

He had implored his father to look into the matter before he left, on why Felix's friend always seemed reluctant to leave and why he shied away from certain contact or grew nervous when you raised your voice at him. Rodrigue had sighed and promised he could approach the subject, but not promise results. Sylvain was not his child, afterall, and it was not his business how the Margrave handled his child.

It seemed nearly three months later, progress still had not been made. Glenn had to push down his anger, he would talk to his father later. Until then, he would get to the bottom of it as best he could.

"Impressive. You're doing quite well." He did his best to keep from immediately scaring the child as he strode toward him.

Sylvain turned around to face him, surprised. "Thank you!" He called back, practically glowing from the unexpected praise.

"Have you been practicing that one move the entire time?" Glenn was now standing over him, trying to keep his tone even and not arouse suspicion.

"Father says I should be practicing with lances, but I really like the sword." Sylvain jabbed forward with the weapon, striking his imaginary opponent in the ribs. "So I've been splitting it up, lances with father, and swords here."

So he's keeping secrets from him. "Is there any reason your father doesn't want you to learn swords?"

"They're unnecessary." Sylvain made another strike. "I'll be using the family relic, there's no reason to waste time learning the sword." The words were clearly not his own, but one of a prideful parental figure. "But I try to ignore him, I need to learn as much as possib-ah-"

Sylvain had extended his arm only to recoil in pain. Pulling back quickly to cradle the injury, Glenn could hear the child silently cursing to himself.

"Are... you hurt?" Again, Glenn tried to keep his voice even and concerned.

"It's nothing." His voice was barely audible. "It should've healed by now."

Glenn was starting to feel his anger rising. "Can I see it?"

"It's really nothing."

Don't raise your voice, stay calm. "I just want to see, I did learn some healing magic from the knights."

Sylvain hesitated, but eventually pulled up the sleeve with a shaky hand. Glenn's heart dropped. It was quite obvious the arm had been broken, and the bruised outline of a handprint made it clear this was no accident. He tried to breathe, let the white magic flow through his fingertips like he was taught as he ran them down the forearm.

"Who did this to you?" It was getting harder for Glenn to mask his anger.

"It's not important." Sylvain began to shake beneath Glenn's touch.

"If someone is hurting you, it is important." He stopped the flow of magic, but did not fully release Sylvain's arm. "This wasn't an accident, Sylvain. Someone did this to you on purpose and wanted to hurt you. So, who did this to you?"

He watched the fear rise in the child's eyes. "It's really not important." He repeated.

"Sylvain, it is important." He could feel himself getting frustrated. "Who did this to you?"

"It's not important."

"Who did this to you?"

"It's not important!" Sylvain nearly shouted the response before attempting to pull his arm away.

Glenn's grip tightened. "Who did this to you?" He shouted back, keeping Sylvain close.

Fuck. The effect was immediate. Sylvain let out a panicked screech before successfully pulling away from Glenn. He wasted no time sprinting as far as he could. Glenn debated on chasing him, but ultimately decided against it. He had terrified the kid enough for one night.

-

His father had rebuked him for scaring Felix’s friends but nothing more. No mention of the injury, not one word on the child’s treatment. When Glenn brought it up, he was dismissed. It was not his child, he could not interfere. It was terrible, but it could not be changed.

What’s worse is that the kid didn’t even come near him anymore. In fact, Sylvain seemed to give the entire Fradarius clan a wide berth. During border meetings, he was actively avoiding seeing, speaking, or otherwise interacting with anyone. As troubled as Glenn was of the situation, he could not deny that his brother had taken it worse. Felix had, more than once, made him aware that he was the one to ruin his friendship with the Gautier child. Glenn didn’t even bother to argue or defend himself. It would be useless trying to explain what was happening to an eight year old.

To add more shit to the fire, seeing the Gautier clan enter the Fraldarius estate, Sylvain looked the worst he’d ever been. Jumpy, ragged, worn, and so so tired. This kid was suffering, and no one was bothering to cover it up. Someone was getting away with this, and no one, not especially the child’s father, seemed to care.

Glenn hated to admit defeat, it was criminal that this was allowed to continue as it did, but he did admit to a feeling of hopelessness. He had not been able to get the child to admit to wrongdoing on anyone’s part, and now it seemed he had ruined the chance for the subject to be brought up again.

He sighed, pulling himself out of a drowsy haze that was sitting through another lecture by Margrave Gautier on border security. He would wake himself with training, then go to bed, then rise for another long discussion tomorrow. Such is the life of a noble. He pushed out the door to the setting sun.

To his surprise, and horror, he was not alone in the training grounds. Despite how shit Sylvain looked, and honestly must have felt he was doing his best to push through a rigorous practice routine. It was a lance, not a sword, that he had in his hands and was forcing through the same motion over and over again.

He didn’t need to step out far for the child to notice him. Right away, he stopped practicing and was beginning to gather up equipment to leave, all while not looking at Glenn directly. It would be a lie to say it didn’t hurt, even if just a little.

“Before you go” Glenn began to speak, “I’d like to apologize for… for what happened. I really don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry. You don’t have to forgive me, but if you could not let what happened affect your opinion on Felix. He does miss you…”

Sylvain’s back was turned to Glenn, so he couldn’t see the child’s face. It was sudden as he fell to the ground and pulled himself into a ball. He broke into sobs and didn’t even try to run away when Glenn moved closer to him and sat down at his side.

Thankfully, one too many situations like this with Felix had prepared Glenn for how to act. He extended his arm, and pulled Sylvain closer, rubbing soothing circles on his back as he gently shushed him. Though not immediate, the rhythmic patterns began to take effect and Sylvain began to calm down, taking deep breaths between sobs.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Glenn asked, this time determined to sound and stay sounding gentle.

He could feel Sylvain shake his head against his chest.

“Talking does sometimes help, if you can.”

“I’m scared, I don’t want to die.” the child’s words were sobering to say the least.

“You’re afraid… of dying?”

A nod.

Goddess. This kid wasn’t even ten. “Can I ask? About what we were talking about last time, are you afraid of someone hurting you? Someone like your father perhaps?”

Sylvain pulled back from his grasp to look at him in the eyes. “Father? No, he would never hurt me.”

“If he doesn’t, then who does?” Glenn was genuinely confused now.

The child buried his face back in his chest, and muttered something inaudible.

“What was that?”

“I said Mik.” Sylvain repeated, loud enough to hear this time.

“Who’s-?”

“Mik is my older brother.”

Now he was really confused. The Margrave didn’t talk about any other child. The only child besides Sylvain had, to his memory, died right before...oh.

“He’s the worst, and I hate him.”

“He’s the one who hurts you? Doesn’t your father stop him?”

“Well, yeah. Father never lets Mik go unpunished.” Sylvain had now situated himself away from Glenn’s chest and was looking down. “But Mik says that whatever Father does, he’ll do twice that to me, and he means it. I try not to get Father involved if I don’t have to.”

“And this has been going on for how long?”

“Forever. Mik has never liked me.” Sylvain sighed. “I don’t know what I did. It’s not my fault I have a crest and he doesn’t. I tell him that and he doesn’t believe me. I tell him I’m not scared of him, and he laughs at me.” He was getting worked up now. “And it’s not my fault that when I take over, the best thing he could do is be another soldier in my army and die.”

Fuck. No way was this a simple case of sibling rivalry and no way were these words entirely Sylvain’s.

“And that…” His voice dropped low. “That’s why I wanted to spend time with you.”

“Me?” Glenn asked, shocked. “Why me?”

“Because Felix says you’re the best brother ever.”

“Felix must be mistaken. I’m a terrible brother.”

“No you’re not.” Sylvain turned to him and now wore a very serious expression. “You’re a great brother. You don’t get mad when I watch you train, you let me ask questions, and you apologize.” He was getting excited again. “And not only that, but you show me how to do forms and you don’t say mean things when I practice.”

That was just me showing basic decency.

“And you’ve never called me dumb or weak or lazy.” Sylvain continued. “Or told me to die, or threw me down the stairs, or pinned me to a wall.”

The fact the kid continued to pull examples was making Glenn feel sick.

“...Or threw me in a well. Or put a knife to my throat and tell me how I should just do everyone a favor and kill myself.” He stopped, letting go of the energy and sighing. “And I thought… I thought you could be my brother too.”

“You want me to be your brother?” He tried to hide his surprise.

“Yeah.” Sylvain was speaking so soft now. “Felix told me how great it was to have a brother like you, I thought you could be my brother too.”

He could only guess that having a brother like that would make him look like the greatest brother in the world. The fact that he was only treating him with basic respect and decency didn’t matter to this kid, it was kindness he was unaccustomed to from the one who was suppose to fill a role similar to Glenn. He wondered how much praise Felix really needed to give for this kid to come to the conclusion of how he ranked compared to other brothers in the world. Still that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

“Sure.” Glenn finally said. “I’ll be your brother.”

Sylvain’s face lit up, and he pulled Glenn in for an immediate hug. Glenn sighed, pulling the child closer. He knew he wouldn’t be able to protect him from his own brother, but maybe. Just maybe he could soften the blow of having the worst brother in the world by acting like the best.

[bigskydreaming]

Just wanted to thank people again for their reblogs and donations, I will never be able to describe how I feel about the support - both tangible and emotional - that people on here have given me over the past three months in particular. Especially now that I have a definitive diagnosis and course of treatment to aim for, and an optimistic timeline of maybe even having the surgery within the next few months, at least before the summer....it really just depends there on whether my insurance approves that expense or how much of it, etc.

I still definitely could use continued help, though I’m trying my best to not rely on it as much as possible. Its just...yeah. We’ve kinda hit the point where its really just not possible period for me to make it where I need to get to without support. The slight downside to all the positive stuff I mentioned above is I’m a very goal oriented person. And this has been a very long and constant ordeal for me, where its been nothing but seven days of constant stress and pain a week, not able to rest or relax or take a day off working or searching for work for literally months and months. The only way I’ve managed to keep going is by fixating on some nebulous future point I had to reach and kinda use that to drag myself forward day by day. Its not nebulous anymore. I have answers, I have concrete needs and timelines and all that. But that also means now I have a very clear awareness that I can not make it the rest of the way with just the resources I already have myself.

It’s like...desperation energy, that’s fueled me to get this far and last this long, but there’s a difference between desperation and futility, and motivating myself with the thought ‘just hang in there long enough to get answers and solutions and FIX things’, like, it did what it needed to do, getting me in sight of all that, but it took pretty much everything I’ve got to use all that to tread water, to just stay afloat to get to this point. There’s just not enough there to stretch that out to continuing to stay afloat WHILE doing three times as much work on TOP of that. I know my capabilities and have a lot of self-respect for them, but I also know my limits and I can’t afford to waste everything it took to get to this point just so I can pretend I’m capable of more than I am. Because that’s the other downside of being in sight of the finish line, but still having it far enough away its not anywhere you’re gonna reach in just a few more steps.....like, lmao, I’m fucking tired. I want to rest. And I’ve gotten just enough good news after nothing but years of new rock bottoms that my brain and my body are trying to take that as a sign that its okay for me to just collapse now and take a breather. But I can’t really. Because I’m still not actually there yet.

So on that note, putting the link to my paypal up here nearer to the top for a change, for people who don’t actually need my long-windedness, lol.

https://paypal.me/bigskydreaming?locale.x=en_US

And then on a related note, I just wanted to say again that I’m totally okay with and even eager for people to leave notes with their donation for any writing commission I can do in return. Again, this is totally MY issue, and not something I think should apply to all donation posts: expectations of a quid pro quo. People help out because they want to help out. As long as whatever information a donation post includes is sincere, however much or little that information is, I think that’s the only parameter that matters. People have different personal criteria for what motivates them to actually donate to a relative stranger on the internet. If someone donating to a person whose post is just a simple paragraph of need with no context for why or what their situation is, if that doesn’t make sense to you? It doesn’t have to. That’s not actually any kind of scam. Someone just wants to say, hey I need help and no, I don’t want to explain why? Sure, a lot of people might not feel inclined to donate but anyone who does, they’re not being scammed. Someone asked for x amount of help, someone else decided, hey I can provide this much help and I’m okay with doing that with no further context needed. The end.

Just wanted to clearly express my opinion there, before proceeding on: for ME, personally, I like a degree of quid pro quo for the help people give me, because that’s something that works for my situation. I don’t LIKE not being able to work as much as I want to, because thing is, I have been fortunate enough to make careers out of work that I actually enjoy. My income over the last ten years has almost completely stemmed from acting, writing and graphic design, all things I enjoy. LOL I rant endlessly about how much I hate capitalism, and its true....but I don’t hate doing things I love. Obviously for the past year I haven’t been able to do any acting jobs cuz of my health conditions, and my writing and graphic design work has been unreliable for the last several months for a variety of reasons. 

The major way my health stuff (and related mental health stuff) has impacted me is not even with actual work, but finding new work. My headaches and chronic pain have lessened how many hours I’m able to be focused on work, but not so much that I can’t do what I need to get done when I have a clear objective and goal to focus on. It’s when that’s done and I have nothing else to work on and haven’t made the money I need yet. When I try to power through several hours a day of headaches/pain in search of new jobs as my lack of results amps up my stress and aggravates my health stuff even further....that’s what really makes days suck. And because of my mobility issues with vertigo and not being able to drive and all that, going out and getting a non-internet based job just flat out isn’t possible for me at the moment.

So I’m really starting to feel hopeful again that there actually IS an end point to all this and it might be soon even...and then I can get back to business as usual and build new client bases same as I did before, even get back to acting (omggggggg I miss it). But until that happens, as long as I still need to ask people for help and financial support, like, PLEASE do not feel like you’re imposing on me by suggesting something I can write in return, especially if you’re someone who’s been donating to me regularly. Or if you follow me in part because you enjoy my writing and my headcanons and fics and such. It’s not a chore, its something to do that I CAN do, that I LIKE doing, that I WANT to do. It actually helps make all of this more bearable, because like I said....writing and graphic design as my sources of income...they don’t feel like work. I ENJOY doing them. They actually get my mind off my issues, they give me a reason to get up in the morning, they make me feel productive, like I’m actually doing something with my life instead of just existing, and going through the motions day by day just to survive. 

So if you make a donation and you can think of something you’d enjoy seeing from me, please don’t hesitate. All I ask is that you understand that I’m not in a place to make guarantees at the moment, but when and where I can devote my time and energy to a direction you’ve pointed me in with your donation, I’m happy to, and hopefully that might result in something sooner rather than later. And eventually, if all goes well, I will get to a point (quite honestly a better place than I’ve been physically AND mentally in years) where I CAN be better about staying true to my intentions.

For now, just a rundown of things I have been writing for people who did make requests (though most of them are friends whose names I recognized and I hunted down and badgered into telling me what they’d like so I could do this, lmao. There were definite GDI WHAT DOES IT TAKE FOR ME TO MAKE YOU TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU convos being had, lolol I’m such a well adjusted person, honestly how do I stand it, science may never know).

Anyway, for anyone interested, the current slate of ‘commissions’ I’ve been working on, just so there’s no need to make a duplicate request:

Lightning Crashes Update - LOL a long awaited update to that beast. Its a 3 POV chapter, Kira, Liam and then Allison, and came out to around 10K. It’s done and just needs a final read through and polish, which I’ll do literally as soon as I manage to finish paying my insurance for the month and get caught up with what I owe my motel. Which means in the next couple of days for sure, if for no other reason then I like....have to make sure to pay those things by then one way or another lmao. But point being, for anyone still invested in that fic or interested in reading more, since its been so long and you’ll probably have to reread the existing chapters to refresh your memory, I think its pretty safe to go ahead and do that whenever, and the new chapter will happen somewhere in the next few days. 

As to the rest of the fic after that - this is one of three fanfics that I’ve always sworn I really want to finish someday no matter what, and that remains true. The clusterfuck TW fandom became for me really hurt my ability to write that story the way I originally wanted to, mostly because I didn’t want my resentment of Stiles to affect how I wrote his necessary part of the plot, and by the time there was enough emotional distance between me and the show/fandom to write it again, like....all this happened, lol. So I do think once my health issues are resolved and I’m settled in an actual permanent place, I’ll FINALLY be able to resume it. There’s like, a couple hundred thousand words worth of unposted story already written there, lmao, its just I outline and then write nonlinearly, so most of all that just doesn’t work without me finally writing the bridge chapters that pull it all together.

Born Under a Bad Sign Update - Same thing pretty much, as this is one of the other Big Three fics I’ve always wanted to finish. Largely because its got a sequel that’s already written in full, lmao. The sequel is my YJ version of Under the Red Hood, but builds on the plotline I always had in mind for BUABS. The sequel was just easier for me to write first because it wasn’t as personal. BUABS doesn’t have as much pre-written as LC, but its not nearly as long either, and it has always been totally outlined and with a lot of dialogue for later chapters pre-written. Anyway, this is what I’d like to post after the LC update. It’s not finished, but its also not as long as the LC one. It’s a Roy chapter, and doesn’t have a time break but while writing it I’ve split it into two parts just for my own purposes. The first is Roy and Ollie confronting Catalina, the second is Roy and Ollie talking about their own shit in light of that. For this one, the first part is written, the second has the dialogue written but the rest needs fleshing out. It wont take that long to finish, its really just a day or at most two days of writing. When that’s done just depends on when I can next devote time to it.

Untitled X-Men One Shot - Someone asked if I’d write something about Scott and Bobby’s friendship and some kind of reunion between them after Scott’s return from the dead. I will of course be ignoring AoX completely, lmao. This one’s mostly done, its like 10K lmao (look those two had a LOT to talk about okay), but the last couple thousand words of that is all just dialogue I needed to get down before I had to focus on other stuff. So everything I need is all there, I just need to return to it to finish fleshing out the last quarter or so of it.

Untitled Dick and Jason One Shot - Someone else asked me to write something with just Dick and Jason interacting, set in the comic book universe. I’m going with a blend of pre-nu52 and a little bit of nu52 for the setting, pretty much ignoring Rebirth etc, because a) I think the Rebirth reboot mostly sucked and b) I really don’t know much about post Rebirth continuity cuz I’ve read so little of it cuz what I have read I think mostly sucks. This one is basically Dick and Jason finally airing out their shit and all the things I’ve long wanted them to say to each other and know about each other, so they can try and build an actual functioning relationship as brothers. Its got all the dialogue written, but not much else. The dialogue’s really the only framework I need to build a one-shot, so it won’t be hard to write around it, its again just more about when and where I get the time to do that. It will be Jason POV, as in canon its usually Dick reaching out (to whatever degree) and Jason not trusting his sincerity. So the angle I’m going with is this one shot’s about Jason realizing he doesn’t know his brother as well as he thought, and that if he’s always trying to get the family to accept he’s not the same person he was before, like....the same can be true for Dick. Neither of them are the people they were back then, so the reasons they weren’t close aren’t actually reasons they can’t be close now. And what Jason thinks are Dick’s issue with him might not actually be what Dick actually has a problem with. 

Original Superhero Novella - This is likely the last of these things to be finished as its the longest and thus more on the backburner, like just writing 1 or 2K at a time on it. This one’s the request of a friend who knows enough about my original superhero universe (I call it the Ellis Eighteen universe) to know who she wanted to read about specifically. Which - not surprisingly, given that Batfamily is one of our shared fandoms - is my version of a Batfamily. Only not really, because lol I don’t like being derivative or writing analogs of existing characters aka I must be the specialest snowflake ever. So its more like I was like ugh I love the Batfamily but hate how rarely DC lets them like, GET ALONG, oh hey, I’m gonna shove all my resentment from that into making up my own dysfunctional blended family of superheroes who actually love each other even if they’re bad at saying so. Plus superpowers.

So their concept is there’s a C-List supervillain named Murphy, as in Murphy’s Law. He has low grade probability powers. Basically he makes it so anything that can go wrong will go wrong in a designated area. He doesn’t have any control over how that manifests, but he’s great for diversions, so he gets hired for a heist by some big name supervillains to just create mayhem while they do the actual work elsewhere. Except Murphy discovers the corporation they’re stealing from donates a lot to children’s charities and is heavily involved with ‘supporting’ the foster care system...as a means to seek out superpowered children who end up in the system, and exploit them for their powers. And while looking for the best place/way to make a diversion, Murphy stumbles across evidence of this, as well as four boys on site in advance of them being sent to a home specially intended to raise the boys to feel indebted to their benefactors and eager to do whatever they want them to.

Which doesn’t work for Murphy at all, because he’s not so much a bad guy as someone who ended up a criminal due to circumstances and desperation and from there just never found a reason to stop. This though, he’s not okay looking the other way, so he says screw this company and screw the guys who hired me, and he breaks out the boys and they go on the run, keeping anyone from getting their hands on them and moving from place to place while he tries to provide as much stability as he can, let them grow up and decide for themselves what they want to be.

Eventually though, the two oldest, Misfire and Crossfire (I call them the Fire brothers because even though they’re all biologically unrelated, they each have powers that lend themselves to picking the codenames Misfire, Crossfire, Ceasefire and Backfire). So anyway, after a couple years of this, Misfire and Crossfire end up sneaking out to be vigilantes. And Murphy catches them of course and is like wtf are you thinking, do you know how dangerous that is? What if you get hurt? What if they (asshole corporation) find you?

Only it turns out, they just wanted to be like their dad. Which Murphy doesn’t really know what to do with, cuz he never talks about his past with the boys. Because he’s ashamed of it, doesn’t want them to think of him as a villain. Which they don’t of course. He’s the one who rescued them, who gave up whatever his life was before to make it all about protecting them and always doing what was best for them. To the boys, Murphy’s always been their personal hero, so they kind of took it for granted....that’s what he was. Murphy was never a big name player, and they’ve always assumed that he was just some masked hero or vigilante who retired when he took them in so his old enemies wouldn’t come after them too.

So basically its a found/adopted family where the boys grow up to be heroes, thanks to the values and role model their father provided without ever having a clue how they really saw him, due to his own insecurities. And then it backdoors into Murphy eventually becoming a hero as well as its the only way he knows to keep making sure he’s there to look out for them, as well as like....he’s inspired by his kids, who in turn were inspired by him. He wants to be the man they see him as, live up to that image of him, not realizing that like, he always already was that man. That image of him is based on his actions, the way he raised them. So in reality, its not even that he’s inspired to heroism by the example his kids set, its more a gradual embrace of the role he’d always played for as long as they knew him, no matter how he personally had seen it (and himself).

And because I’m me, they end up making it the family business, with the older two boys and their dad working together to expose and topple companies engaged in exploitative practices, while the younger two ignore all orders to stay home and always stow away to make sure they’re part of the action. Like.....its the Batfamily with superpowers meets Leverage, if the Robins came first and Bruce only became Batman to be their partner and have their backs. And also he used to be a crook which is still way better than a billionaire. So, that’s that on that.

So that’s the slowest of the current slate, its at about 18K of a projected 30K, with this particular story being set after Murphy and the two oldest are already established as vigilantes. Murphy’s in his forties, Misfire’s 21, Crossfire’s 18, Ceasefire’s 16 and Backfire’s 14.

I’m open to writing pretty much anything I’ve ever talked about fandom wise, and that you know is something I’m familiar with. If for whatever reason a request is something I’m not open to writing or I’m not familiar enough with to write, I’ll just make a post about it and you can hop on anon and either clarify or ask for something else. And its okay to ask on anon ahead of time if I’d be open to something.

Anyway, on that note, I’m all done here, thanks again for everything!!!

[ads-is-shady-blog]

#5) [Otome Games/BTS] An Update on Aeon Dream Studios - hiatus, founder leaving, allegations of emotional abuse and non-payment by a former employee, + more

View the discussion on reddit here: https://www.reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/comments/amiuas/otome_gamesbts_an_update_on_aeon_dream_studios/

Post (words by original poster linked):

This is an update to my previous post here which has some background and a Tl;dr at the end for those who need it. It's time for an update as a lot has happened in the past month.

Before that, though, here's something I missed in my last post: a scandal in June 2018 where ADS tweeted on their official account to call out a fanfic author on Wattpad for copying ADS's work. The tweet included an image containing the author's username, leading the fifteen-year-old author to receive harassment from TTEOTS fans who had seen the tweet. Considering TTEOTS itself did not have legal permission to be using BTS's likenesses, the call out post seems rather hypocritical. There was also an exchange in the replies where the devs passive aggressively blamed a fan who asked for help due to the app being glitchy.

So, to recap where we left off:

The studio went silent for a couple of months at the end of 2018, letting a promised release date for TTEOTS pass without comment. In mid-December the CEO emerged to link her inability to work to a BTS member sustaining a minor injury, and then pushed back Echoes to 2019 (initially promised for March 2017), giving no date for further TTEOTS content.

January has brought renewed anger and attempts to raise awareness by ex-fans and customers who have been burned by the studio.

January 14th

In two tweets on her personal account, the CEO decried the capitalisation and dehumanisation of BTS through merchandise and idolatry and condemned fans for buying products that contributed to this. This was certainly an ironic tweet to make for someone who:

dehumanised BTS by turning them into characters for her game without their consent;

promoted the game using BTS's faces, name and existing fanbase, and strongly encouraged fans to pay for crowdfunding, TTEOTS merch and, later, the monetised Premium version;

enticed fans to buy Premium by promising Premium-exclusive content such as eventual romantic content with said characters, further dehumanising the members of BTS without their consent.

Several people responded pointing out the hypocrisy of making such tweets after capitalising on the faces of BTS, but the CEO did not respond; instead one fan chimed in to defend the studio.

January 18th

The CEO posted a new blog on ADS's official website announcing a hiatus for financial reasons. It is no longer accessible for reasons I'll explain, but there is a cached version viewable here. The hiatus will last until at least March and means writing and programming will continue but almost everything else is paused and their social media presence will be reduced. Elaborating, she explained that they had "been on hiatus in some ways since September [2018]", having slowed work due to budgetary constraints.

The post also included a vague paragraph about a personal financial settlement she was owed from a person referred to as "He-Shall-Not-Be-Named" which she had planned to invest into ADS, but allegedly he had dragged out the proceedings and this, combined with the "untimely" cease and desist from BigHit Entertainment and decreased sales, led to financial difficulties. During the hiatus, which will last until March or later, the CEO wrote that she would work on novels and commissions in order to help the company.

Ex-fans linked the hiatus post in the Steam forums and in a post on /r/otomegames. Criticism was directed at numerous parts of the statement, including:

"We promised you guys a lot of things, and we’re going to deliver, come hell or high water. It might not be in the time frame I had planned, but it will be done. I am definitely known as a person of my word." (emphasis added)

A claim critics would happily dispute, and:

"Anyway, as a result I decided the best thing for us was to be honest, now that I knew more, and let the fans know exactly what was happening as soon as possible and take an “official” hiatus." (emphasis added)

This latter statement attracted particular criticism considering the studio had already been winding down development activity since September but had failed to inform fans and eventually went radio silent for roughly 2 months, leaving TTEOTS fans confused and worried about the status of the game. Further, this hiatus post was not announced anywhere on ADS's social media, leaving those who had noticed it wondering exactly how this constituted keeping fans in the loop.

January 25th

On the 25th, the CEO made several tweets, one of which began with:

"Lately, relationships have ended in my life. I'm grateful for the lessons I learned. Courage, generosity, empathy, honesty, openness are all traits required for a healthy relationship."

Perhaps coincidentally, that same day the other remaining founding member of the studio announced her departure for mental health reasons. As she is no longer an employee I will not link directly out of respect but here is a screenshot of the main tweet. This left ADS with two remaining employees - the CEO (the only remaining founder) and a writer who had formally joined the studio in February 2018 and who is allegedly now living with the CEO. This departure means there are now four former employees listed on the official ADS website. The third founder was the longest serving former employee at 2 years.

Shortly afterwards, the official ADS Twitter tweeted out a new hiatus statement on their official website, the previous one having vanished. The new post was shorter than the first - down to 426 words from the original 1,089 - and now included the departure of their founding member as a reason for the hiatus.

The tweet attracted a mix of supportive and critical replies, with former fans and backers wading in to demand answers about the two versions of the hiatus post and to back up frustrated TTEOTS fans. Unusually, the CEO appeared in the replies to respond to some of these criticisms, tweeting that:

anything perceived to be "shady" by critics was merely due to their founding member struggling with her mental health behind the scenes;

the second hiatus blog was the "same exact blog" as the original except for the addition of the founding member leaving (in fact the original was twice as long);

the only reason they didn't share the original hiatus post on Twitter was because the member responsible for sharing it had quit.

January 27th

The CEO posted two blogs on the ADS website: a post detailing her plans for restructuring and fulfilling their obligations, including hiring more freelance staff after the hiatus, and another detailing the struggles of ADS from their founding, written in response to a critic who had apparently claimed not to believe in the recently departed founding member's mental health issues. (I am unsure what comment(s) the CEO was referring to specifically as the reference is vague.)

As you've probably guessed, ex-fans picked this latter post apart too.

"I haven’t seen all the bad things out there about us. I don’t read them, because I know that some of it is made up,and would only distract me from my job. I know the truth, and I have always been honest, even if there were things I couldn’t say. I have no motive to lie, and I know these people don’t know or understand me." (emphasis added)

Critics wondered how the CEO could know if criticisms are made up if she doesn't read them.

"I thought of the possibility of course, of hanging it up, working on providing refunds to people (what, you REALLY thought we were so dishonorable as not to do that?)..." (emphasis added)

Of course, as mentioned in my last post, numerous customers had reported difficulty obtaining refunds (despite a threat from the devs that backers who were toxic would be forcibly refunded).

On their official Twitter account, they also announced plans to move away from social media and focus on communicating through the "healthy space" of their Discord channels. Ex-fans speculated this was a way to more tightly moderate speech and shut out critics. One began lurking in the official Discords, reporting on what the studio's remaining employees were saying and alleging that critics' arguments were being misrepresented by ADS devs to their fans in the Discord enquiring about the controversy.

This user also heavily hinted at having testimony from an inside source that supposedly included emotional abuse allegations against the CEO, but was holding off on saying anything due to concerns about preserving the source's anonymity.

28th January

Despite failing to give a release date elsewhere, the developers posted a backer-exclusive Kickstarter update which as a non-backer I cannot read, but according to a poster in the Steam forum it gives the release date for Echoes as March 2019, despite the hiatus.

The CEO also tweeted refuting past criticism that she was throwing employees under the bus in her updates, and closed by stating she would not be tweeting about negativity or rumours anymore.

29th January

A Twitter user who is the MDSOA Deluxe Edition Kickstarter's highest backer (to the tune of $2000+ USD, proof posted on their Twitter account) posted a series of tweets strongly condemning the studio. She claimed one employee from the studio had blocked her (something at least one other backer has also reported) and that she had been refused a refund.

In fact, when she had emailed the studio in November 2018 asking for refunds for physical Kickstarter rewards which did not yet exist almost 2 years after the Kickstarter in question - and indeed still do not exist - ADS responded that crowdfunded pledges are "donations" and "ordinarily considered non-refundable", with the promised rewards being "just a perk". (This screenshot of the reply is embedded in one of the tweets.) However, they generously stated they would "consider it" when they start sending out merchandise.

In fact, according to Section 4 of Kickstarter's Terms of Use, this is very much not true: "project creators must complete the project and fulfil each reward." Backers are owed regular updates, and if the project fails, creators must go to lengths to show why they failed, prove they used funds appropriately, and either refund backers with any remaining funds or use this money to complete the promised project in another form. The only way to terminate these obligations to a backer is to issue a refund, ending the contract between them.

And, in any case, the developers had promised refunds in December 2017 for those who wanted them and had set up a page for refund sign-ups which they posted about in January. As such, it's clear their email response was not consistent with their past statements, especially as some people were previously able to get refunds. What changed?

Again:

"I thought of the possibility of course, of hanging it up, working on providing refunds to people (what, you REALLY thought we were so dishonorable as not to do that?)..."

31st January

Meanwhile, ADS were posting teasers of new character designs for TTEOTS, including one of the redesigns that had been made necessary by the cease and desist in August 2018. As the main male characters had originally been based on BTS they had all appeared Korean, but the redesigns had changed the races of some characters to reflect a more racially diverse future.

On the 31st they posted a passive aggressive tweet with a meme gif alluding to comments they had apparently received in the past, encouraging people to unfollow if they were likely to be upset by future character designs, all of which are "various shades of brown", with one also being agender. Again a mix of supportive and critical replies followed; even some of the studio's supporters criticised the tone as condescending and unprofessional. Several responders appeared wary of being branded as racist for criticising Five's redesign for not fitting his established character. One or two even expressed views that the devs were intentionally avoiding adding white characters out of spite or pettiness. Matters were not helped by ADS making a couple of replies of a similar hostile tone.

1st February

At last, the "inside source" that had been hinted at came forward: the former Lead Artist and Art Director at ADS, Monzana21.

Monz alleged in a Twitter statement that she had been a victim of emotional abuse at the hands of ADS's current management, ended up in the hospital with extreme exhaustion, and when she left the company received only one and a half months' payment for 7 months of work. She appealed to people to question what is happening at ADS and why they have lost so many employees, but declined to give further information publicly in order to protect herself and her friends and coworkers. In other more recent tweets she added that people in the art community are also aware of abuse and mistreatment within ADS and the scamming of fans.

Replies were overwhelmingly supportive, with a couple of other Twitter users who had interacted with ADS chiming in to say that their experiences with ADS were also negative and they did not doubt the veracity of the allegations.

Since then, any tweets on the ADS Twitter have numerous responses asking about the abuse allegations and trying to spread awareness, but the studio still has plenty of eager responses from fans as well.

On her personal account, the CEO tweeted to thank those who believe in her for their supportive messages and retweeted this on the ADS Twitter, but there has otherwise been no official statement on the matter outside of Discord. There, the CEO has outright disputed the allegations (compilation), as has ADS's other writer (compilation), and members of the Discord (some of whom address the CEO as "mom") have mostly taken them at their word, while people who were already critical or doubtful of the studio appear more inclined to believe the former Lead Artist.

The #TTEOTS, #MDSOA and #MDE Twitter tags are awash with criticism towards the studio from numerous different users, and new tweets from the CEO and the official ADS Twitter are quickly met by former fans and backers banging war drums. The fallout from the abuse allegations has yet to settle and presumably more drama is to come.

Tl;dr

Throughout January, angry ex-fans have increased efforts to raise awareness and turned ADS-related accounts and tags into a battleground on Twitter

Conspiracy theories abounded as a post about a hiatus for financial reasons was never shared, then vanished and reappeared significantly edited down a week later

A founding member of the company departed for mental health reasons

A $2k+ backer alleges she was refused a refund for items she had not received and was informed her Kickstarter pledge was a "donation" and "ordinarily non-refundable"

ADS stirred up further controversy with more passive aggressive tweets

A former employee came forward with allegations of emotional abuse and being underpaid for 7 months of work, which the remaining ADS members have refuted

[thewritingpossum]

You say 'ask me about my hatred for Rainbow Rowell', so now I'm curious...who are they and what did they do?

Ok, so I’ve had this thing in my blog description for litteral years and you’re only the second person who ever reacted to it, bless your soul, truly. It’s gonna be a super long answer tho so I apologize in advance if it bores you to tears. Also there’s some spoilers for her book Eleanor & Park in this thing, if anyone care about that. 

So Rainbow Rowell is a ya novels writer who happens to be highly popular around here (I also think she actually has a tumblr? I may be wrong on that point tho) and who was ever more popular around 2013 when she published her first book, Eleanor & Park, a love story between a fat, non-conventionally attractive girl dealing with abuse and poverty and a mixed race (white and korean) boy dealing with a bit of an identity crisis, all of that with a cool 80’s background. Sounds pretty cool, eh? That’s what I thought but…No.

First of all, this book is incredibly racist. Park (the half-korean boy) has a severe case of self-hatred and internalized racism. He wished he looked like his strong, all-american looking brother who even has an american name and is so much more mainly and can even drive shift (he’s supposed to be his baby brother who is like 13 but I get miss Rowell got confused with her own timeline). I don’t have a problem with that in itself: I can totally imagine a teenager growing up in a mainly white community dealing with that.

 My problem is with the ‘resolution’ of the problem: Park realize that Eleanor (the “chubby” girl) prefers asian guy and since obviously the marker of wether you’re worth anything or not is how appealing you are to white women, he magically get over his issues. Eleanor also spent the whole book fetishizing and otherizing the ever lasting christ out of her boyfriend. She constantly refers to him (in her head, to be fair) as “that asian kid”, “that stupid asian kid”, “that stupid, beautiful asian boy” and being sooooo into the fact that he’s asian (and has magical green eyes that are so different and non-asian but sooo pretty ). It’s very uncomfortable to read, tbh.

If you think that’s bad, wait until we get to her mother, who is quite litterally a racist caricature. Mindy (an americanized version of Min-Dae -which is not even an actual korean name, no more than Park but it’s whatever at this point) is a manucurist spoking broken english who gets compared to china dolls by one of the main character. She was born in Korea but was “brought home” by her american husband, a soldier who was stationned in her country (it’s already yikes enough and only get worst when you learn that Rainbow based that whole mess on a picture that she found of her own military dad with a woman in korean: I mean, I guess it’s your prerogative to write romantic fanfictions about your parents but like…The reality of thing is that there were no love story between american soldiers and the women of the countries they occuped and it’s time for her to accept it).

We also get two black characters, who are Eleanor’s best and only friends (only that she don’t really appear to give two fucks about them). They’re named Denice and Beebi, names that reaaaaally stand out in a negative way when compared to all white people’ names and they speak…Well, the way black characters in 80’s teen movies made by white people speak. One of them (I don’t remember which one) is dating a much older boy and planning to marry him after high school because that’s what black girls do, right? So yeah, I truly believe that this book is one of the most racist published in the 2010’s that I’ve personnally read. But that’s actually just part of why I hate it and loath it’s writer.

I also absolutely despise the way Rowell writes about abuse: a huge plot point is that Eleanor endure mental, emotional and (if I remember correctly) physical abuses from her step-father, abuses that escalade to sexual harrasment. Her step-father favores Eleanor’s sibling, including his own biological son but he’s also abusive to them and severely abusive to his wife, Eleanor’s mom. That’s some heavy stuff, and if you chose to put that in ya novel (or any novel for that matter), I expect you to be able to handle that sensibly and in a way that make sense, at the very least. I don’t think Rainbow Rowell even tried. 

Spoiler alert on how this book end: Eleanor run away from home, starts living with her uncle, the rest of her family escape a little later and her step-father stay alone and brooding in town. WTF?? The idea that abusive men would just be like “oh well, guess I have to accept that my wife left with our children and there’s nothing I can do uwu” is literally stupid. Either the writer didn’t bother making even the most basic researches on abuse dynamics or she did and chose to ignore it. And even outside of that…Talk about a deus ex machina and a cheap fucking ending lmao…

I only read another one of her book, Fangirl. It’s about a girl with anxiety disorder writing gay fanfics and was understandly popular on tumblr when it came out (i’m not hating btw, like…I’m a mentally ill binch writing gay stories so..). I didn’t found it as offensive as Eleanor & Park but her portrayal of mental illnesses was basic and often bordering on insensitivity (I really felt like one of the character’s bipolar disorder was treated as an inconvenience to other characters above anything else).

 Also, the anxious character spent a huge chunk of the book eating energy bar because she’s too afraid to leave her room and go eat in the dining hall…Girl, I’m supposed to believe you spend your whole time on your computer and you never heard of ordering takeout online?? Or just going to buy shits to eat at the supermarket?? How far am I supposed to suspend my disbelief to enjoy those books?

One last thing: a huge chunk of Fangirl is an actual fanfiction about some HP ripoff. Well, my homegirl Rainbow published a whole damn book about her actual Drarry fanfiction. I love fanfiction but I really think there’s something sketchy about putting a fake fandom in your book that’s very obviously based on an existing piece of work and then making money off your imitation but maybe that’s just me.

I would probably be able to chill a bit if Rainbow Rowell was not generally presented at this great representation queen who can do no wrong (and yes, I’m aware that she’s not responsible for the way people chose to portray her). Luckily for me, she’s somehow less popular on Tumblr that she once was and I get to have a break from her weird bullshit.

[blaperile]

Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 7