#also i am SO sorry i forgot all about my existing drafts

[lionfanged]

i have forgotten how to write atticus. nobody look at my shameful attempts to remember.

[tears0fsatan]

☆ 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐒

✦ ⊹ ˚˖ warnings... mentions m!reader a few times but can be read as gn for the most part lol, implied romantic/queerplatonic relationship but interpret it as you like, its pretty soft man idk what to say

 :¨·.·¨ ♥︎  a.n... need more dateables content on my blog sigh>.<)) i began this all the way last year in april.... (∩﹏∩) i am slowly clearing out my drafts and reqs okay!!!! (i hope the halloween special final will be out before this years halloween...)

DIAVOLO !

now, we all know he's a bit ... behind on things outside of ruling an entire realm so he most definitely had to ask barbatos and lucifer for suggestions.

he was taking you all these fancy, bougie places with a clear itinerary in mind (thanks to the influence of a certain avatar of pride) that at the end of the day felt more like a tour of devildom than a date.

on the last of his planned out date, it ended up raining and the two of you somehow spent the last couple of hours talking to each other underneath the shade of a tree where you found out that all the dates were thanks to diavolo's right hand men.

after that talk you finally convinced him to take you places that were dear to him and to allow you to plan future dates as well.

he insists on paying, regardless of how much you protest and tell him that you also have pride as a man (it's just something you have to deal with sorry).

take him on a date in the human realm and watch as this scary ruler of all demons turns into a big baby, fascinated with everything (now its your turn to play tour guide).

if you get him one of those cheap, silly little keychains you find in gift stores, he'd treasure it for as long as he lives.

if you get anything matching (be it a shirt, keychains, plushies, you name it), he'll have the biggest sparkling eyes you've ever seen on a living being and beg you to wear it for the rest of your time in the human realm.

his favourite dates are the ones where you and him simply enjoy a cup of tea and snacks barbatos prepared in the castles garden glass gazebo (its domestic and he likes seeing you in his 'domain' so to say).

BARBATOS !

picnics. with your favourite snacks he's prepared from as early as the night before.

appreciates every moment alone with you especially since it's rare for the two of you to be together without the others around.

he always goes for something he knows you'll like, and if you don't enjoy a particular part of the date he'll keep it in mind.

the most important part of the date to him is seeing you happy and being in your company.

thought there would never come a time where he would be peeved by diavolo calling for him until one day the demon lord forgot about his date with you and wondered where he went.

after that diavolo encouraged barbatos to go out with you more often (would not take no for an answer no matter how much barbatos tried to turn him down).

he'd be a bit hesitant to go to the human realm since he'd be so far away from diavolo but the thought of being alone with you is just so tempting (he's a demon after all) he can't decline.

if you bought him a little plush keychain TRUST it would be posed carefully in the kitchen where he can see it every day while he prepares the de facto demon kings meals.

he would take you to the most unknown and hidden spots in devildom that even diavolo wouldn't know of their existence and turn it into a frequent rendezvous spot (and perhaps it excites a small part of you, perhaps because it's more or less a secret that only you and barbatos share).

SIMEON !

simple minded. likes going anywhere with you.

gotta say though, he especially likes the way your eyes crinkle when you smile after tasting a homemade sweet treat.

doesn't have an ideal date with you but dates where you two bake together are his favourite.

also note. he will tear up if you turn the tables on him and prepare him some treats of your own specialty (his only smiles wider when he hears you grumble about being as much of a househusband as he is).

even if you make something that could rival solomon's cooking, he'd still eat it with a smile (because you made it all for him and he would be a fool to pass it up).

if you guys go out for a stroll in any of the three realms, he'd always have his hand on you (fingers intertwined with yours, arm coiled around your waist and such).

he'll find some small treasure from the date and keep it tucked away somewhere.

loves taking pictures with a polaroid so he can treasure the memories (he especially loves taking candid pictures of you, especially while eating one of his sweets of course).

be prepared to gain weight if he takes you up to the celestial realm, he will make sure you eat every single angelic dish until you couldn't do so much as waddle around.

likes taking you around the celestial realm and telling you all the stories of his past and some passed down stories from other older angels.

while passing through the many gardens of the celestial realm, he'll sneakily pluck a flower or two for you until you end up with nothing less than a small bouquet (and more often than not getting a rather lengthy scolding from michael).

SOLOMON !

you know that UR card of him where he takes you on a magic carpet ride??? yeah expect that sort of shit constantly.

he is so fond of you and your reactions and that just makes him wanna toy around with you all the more.

he's not ashamed to cause a ruckus in all three realms as long as he can see you either laugh until tears gather in the corner of your eyes or cling onto him while half heartedly yelling at him, he's willing to pull out all his little tricks up his sleeve.

he is such a menace but you can tell he puts a lot of thought and care into his surprises, you can't find it in yourself to be upset with him (and truth be told you do enjoy the rise he brings out of you).

during a rare moment of vulnerability, he'd take you around his hometown and reminisce his youth, telling tales of ancient memories that only he would remember (noting the way his eyes shone with an emotion you couldn't quite pinpoint).

never one to dwell in his nostalgia for long, he would take you to another spot and spin some hauntingly believable ghost story just to scare you (whether you believe it or not, solomon will most definitely try to sneak in a few spooks here and there especially with magic).

after he would torment you and every other living being in his vicinity, he'd like to end the day by doing something comparatively calmer and laid back, perhaps something as simple as cuddles, reading together (or maybe even him reading to you), or watching a movie.

© 2024 TEARS0FSATAN. please don’t translate, modify, repost or plagiarise my works anywhere.

[iamnmbr3]

Hey! I remember a while ago you said you were working on a sort of funny sort of serious drarry letter writing fic or something like that? Are you still writing it and if so could we see a little bit of it?

Hi anon! I am in fact still working on that fic. The premise is that basically a few years after the war Harry, who hasn't seen Draco since the trials, gets annoyed with Rita Skeeter asking him questions about whether he spoke at Draco's trial because there was some secret enemies-to-lovers thing going on and sarcastically agrees...not thinking about the fact that sarcasm doesn't translate well in print (especially when Rita has NO incentive to explain the context). Draco owls him about it and they start writing back and forth. Just a fun little cracky scenario I entertained myself with. I am still working on it though I've never published a fic before and idk if I'll actually post this.

If you like you can see a tiny excerpt from towards the beginning below the cut. Tho obviously it's still in draft form and in order to publish I'd need a beta to help me remove any egregious americanisms since I learned American English and also to figure out how to get it to format properly on AO3.

Potter,

Thank you for your reply. 

Frankly I am shocked that the quote is genuine. I had assumed it entirely fabricated or misreported by an unreliable secondary source. Do you mean to tell me you actually answered a question from Rita Skeeter of all people with the words “Yeah, that’s right. Everyone who thought we hated each other in school just couldn’t recognize the obvious romantic tension”? You actually said that? To Rita Skeeter. 

You needn’t worry about forcing the Prophet to issue a retraction on my account. As I said, it’s not my (less than sterling) reputation that’s being besmirched by this story. I am happy to let the story die on its own if you are. (Personally, I vastly prefer this coverage to the last time I was of interest to the press.). Do whatever you think is best. 

For your convenience I have attached a blank scroll since clearly you must be desperately short on stationary. Why else would anyone send back a response written on the back of the original message?

Sincerely, 

D. M.

P.S. It was five years, not six. 

***

Yes. I really said it. No “unreliable secondary source” (like you in fourth year you mean?) necessary. I was being sarcastic! It’s not my fault she left out the context! I probably should've seen it coming, but what was I supposed to do? Hermione made me promise not to hex any more reporters. 

I have a question though. If  you didn’t think the quote was real and you don’t want me to stop the rumors, why did you write to me in the first place?  

By the way, I forgot to say in the last letter. Tell your mum sorry about the reporters outside the Manor. Has she considered using the Fidelius Charm to hide the location? Or the location of your flat, for that matter. That’s what I do to keep them away from my house. 

Also, Hermione says wasting paper is bad. There is plenty of room on the back of this scroll so I don’t see why I shouldn’t use it.  

Harry 

P.S. Five years? So is nose breaking supposed to be a secret Pureblood friendship ritual or something? 

***

Potter,

One does not write letters on the back of other correspondence. It is simply not the done thing. Furthermore, as we can use magic, we can simply replicate an existing piece of paper indefinitely, thus preventing waste. The need to conserve and recycle paper is a purely muggle concept, though an ingenious one. I still don’t really understand how they can turn certain used materials into new objects without magic, though my neighbors have tried to explain it to me. 

Yes, just like me in fourth year (something I hope you know is included on the long list of things I deeply and sincerely regret about my past).

If you must know, I wrote to you because I thought you might suspect I’d planted the story for my own purposes. Clearly I vastly overestimated your ability to handle reporters. For future reference, silence is a wonderful way to prevent unfortunate quotes from appearing in print. 

Our previous correspondence two years ago made it clear to me you wouldn’t welcome further contact (I don’t mean to accuse you; I wouldn’t have wanted to associate with me either) but I didn’t think you would believe me if I simply denied it directly, and I was eager to avoid the impression that I would repay you for your forbearance with the same petty duplicity you had come to expect from me. I apologize if I’ve done the wrong thing. 

Unfortunately, both my mother and I are forbidden from concealing our residences with the Fidelius Charm until our respective five year Ministry-ordered probationary periods have expired. 

I will pass along your apologies next time I see her, though they are hardly necessary. 

Yours,

DM

P.S. I only meant that the incident on the train was about more than misguided feelings of rivalry. I blamed you (unfairly) for my father’s imprisonment and for my family’s sudden fall from grace both in mainstream wizarding society and among the ranks of the Death Eaters, and for the task that subsequently fell on me as a result of my father’s failure. It was my first true experience with any kind of hardship and I handled it extremely poorly. A better person would have questioned the ideologies and actions that led them to that point, but instead I sank further into the darkness that will now overshadow the rest of my life.

[tavina-writes]

MDZS Society! aka: there's a lot less killing than you'd expect

This follows from this post and also the recent translations of MXTX’s most recent interview (which I can now no longer bother to find bc this has been sitting in drafts for like, siiiix months? More? Oh god anyway.) which reminded me about my feelings regarding MDZS society and how different it is from the martial societies we see depicted in typical modern wuxia. (Small disclaimer, I am a wuxia genre fiend and I love like, thinking about fictional societies so this is like, “AHA! You’ve unlocked my trap card!”) 

For the purposes of this, I’m going to be looking at MDZS/CQL’s depiction of the jianghu (which I think is fairly similar! I don’t actually think the show writers made CQL’s jianghu/martial society more genre typical than it was in the book) and comparing that with modern classic wuxia (mostly Jin Yong and Gu Long works.) For this comparison, I’ll be looking at a Jin Yong book — Legend of the Condor Heroes (which is widely considered the starting point of modern wuxia as a genre) — and one Gu Long book — Dagger Li/Sentimental Swordsman, Ruthless Sword (widely considered his most popular work) — and seeing how their societies differ from MDZS society. 

This will likely come in two parts because this one was already getting long, and I don’t think we can fit “how often does nobility exist in a typical jianghu and what do bloodline sects look like normally versus what they look like in MDZS” in this post along with the main topic of “is MDZS society a particularly physically violent place?” 

This post discusses how often cultivators are socially expected to kill people. Like, actual living human beings instead of, say, monsters or ghosts which have been categorized differently than like, human beings. 

EDIT: I forgot to talk about Dagger Li but this was already much too long sorry. Feel free to hmu for more thoughts though.

Now, it might be easy to think that cultivators killing actual people is a really common thing in MDZS/CQL universe! After all, they do have martial arts training and one of the prominent things about the first life is just how many people die both in the Sunshot Campaign and the fallout afterwards. However, I would argue that a lot of the traumas and related issues and reactions that happen in MDZS happen because cultivators are, by training and education, not actually prepared for killing actual living breathing human beings! (And also that the morality of this world prevents it for the most part) 

Now, we do actually get a pretty good window into what the typical training is like for young cultivators in MDZS, because we get a fairly well defined schoolhouse scene where LQR is asking them questions about "how do you tell the difference between various different problems we have to solve?" and "how do you go about fixing this problem?" and none of those include the moral quandary of "if I, a young cultivator out in the Jianghu, see a guy who is doing something I morally disagree with, under what circumstances do I beat him up and/or kill him." This does not appear to enter the curriculum at any point, leading me to believe that the morally correct number of people not like, ghosts or ghouls or fierce corpses, a regular average MDZS cultivator is supposed to have killed is approximately 0.

Which. Is a thing you get in a normal martial arts wuxia jianghu. There is generally the threat of "oh yeah this that or the other faction will be doing shitty things and thereby try to murder you." Instead, in MDZS/CQL most of the heirs of sects are...attending school together. Doing teenage things like partying and gossiping and attending classes.

And sure yes, there was a case of WWX and JZX trying to beat each other up. But the sects did sure let their kids stay at Lan summer camp for months on end (sometimes repeatedly, see NHS) without fearing for their lives or that anyone would steal another sect's techniques or otherwise causing real havoc or intersect warfare etc.

Which is infeasible in any other sort of Jianghu situation. For example, contrast this scenario with this scene from LOCH where Guo Jing's shifus are giving him advice since he is newly 17 and about to set out by himself into the great big world:

Guo Jing therefore bid farewell to his teachers. They had witnessed his battle against the Four Demons of the Yellow River, and were not too greatly worried. The young man had proved that he knew how to use the skills that they taught him. Therefore they let him leave alone. On one hand, the meeting of outlaws in Yanjing worried them greatly, so that they could not ignore it; and on the other hand, a youngster always had to travel the jianghu alone, in order to learn lessons that no teacher could pass on. At the moment of parting, each made their last recommendations. As usual when the Six spoke after one another, Nan Xiren was the last one to express himself. "If you cannot defeat the enemy," he said. "Flee!" He knew that given Guo Jing's dogged character, he would prefer to die rather than to surrender, if he met a master, he would certainly fight to the bitter end, even at the risk of death. That was the reason Nan Xiren gave him this common sense warning. " Martial arts have no limits," added Zhu Cong. " As the proverb says, 'For every peak there is one yet higher', so for every man there is one stronger. Whatever your power, you will always one day meet a foe stronger than you. A true man knows to retreat when necessary, when facing grave danger, it is necessary to contain one's impatience and anger. This what is meant by the adage, « If one preserves the earth and its forests, one does not fear to lack firewood ». It is not therefore not cowardly to take good advice! When the enemy is too numerous and that you cannot face them there, it is especially necessary to avoid being too reckless. Keep in mind Fourth Shifu's advice!"

Does this seem like the sort of advice that any Young MDZS Cultivator would get? "You're a good kid, but when you go out into the world, there will be people who straight up want you dead even though they met you 15 minutes ago, you cannot persist in fighting with these people because they will want you dead and you are a baby cultivator who needs to learn to run away when shit gets rough or you will be dead."

And again I come back to how MDZS cultivators are more like occupational ghostbusters because this really does inform how their society functions and runs and how everyone reacts so badly to the Sunshot Campaign beginning and its aftermaths and possibly explains how JGS could get his way after Sunshot.

Because what happens when you get a society that does train heavily in martial arts and have Able To Kill Real People Weapons who spends most of their time solving very black and white situations of "okay is this ghost whose eating people's livers good or bad? y/n?" and a clear hierarchy of "how do we get rid of the ghost eating people's livers in town x" instead of say "is it morally correct to kill this group of bandits who's been threatening the town" or "is it morally correct to kill this shitty businessman who's been holding people hostage and threatening to hack off their limbs" you have a reduced level of philosophical musing on like, "what is the purpose of martial arts, which is designed to kill people and what do I use martial arts for?" and "under what circumstances and situations would I personally find it morally correct to kill a man?" Which are all questions that Wuxia coming of age stories typically have, and I think MDZS does have, but expressed differently.

Again, it appears that the number of Real Live Human Beings that it is morally acceptable to have stabbed in your life is approximately 0 in this universe, and the expectation that you, personally, might have to fend off people trying to stab you over brunch is also approximately 0.

This also leads to a situation where like, questions of vengeance have very difficult escape hatches! If your parents are murdered on the job by an evil rampaging ghost, this is very sad and tragic and now you're an orphan and of course that's not good, but this is a occupational job hazard, not like, "Yeah Joe Bob from the sect down the street murdered my dad because #Reasons~, and now it's my legacy to grow up to murder Job Bob from the sect down the street to avenge my dad."

(I have a whole essay about how this pertains to both of the Nie Brothers, and how it pertains to JGY and also Jin Ling, and how this seems to routinely fuck people up in MDZS in a very specific way we don't typically see in other wuxias, but this is getting SO long as it is).

But yeah "the socially acceptable number of real living people (instead of ghosts or demons or fierce corpses or whatever) to have killed in your lifetime as a cultivator is approximately 0" means that the Sunshot Generation gets really really fucked up by all of this "killing real people" they did.

Which! might be why JFM was so slow to move on "yeah the Wen are threatening to kill your heirs." <- socially inconceivable behavior. Why society in general is so shocked by Xue Yang and the murder of the Chang <- which would be bad normally but not quite like this. And why no one did anything specific about JGS even if they felt he wasn't entirely correct. What are they going to threaten him with? Death???? A trial of his peers? Social Shunning??? Public shame???

"But Tav how does this relate to CQL!Su She's morality?" I hear you ask. Well you see, the question of "he should've been ready to die for his sect!" is utterly baffling in a society where nobody is expected to be ready to die for their sect on a regular basis because the idea that you should be ready for someone trying to stab you before brunch is utterly nonsensical in a world where most people expect that the baseline number of murders a cultivator does in their lifetimes is 0. That's the world he lives in.

On this regard CQL!Su She is utterly blameless. Nobody handed him a rulebook or expectations sheet for "the sect down the street will try to kill you" nor SHOULD they expect he'd be ready to die at a drop of a hat when no part of the education or social expectations include "ready to die for your sect because it's routine for people to try to kill you."

If you don't even expect to be stabbed and possibly die at a discussion conference where there are lots of cultivators from many sects why on EARTH would you expect to be facing down death in your own home when there's. cultivators here to kill you, this situation is so out of left field?

[eliotlime]

November update post thing

Drawing of me watching short-form video content without sound vs one where I am lol

If you use short-form video platforms of any kind and would like to help me with my survey you can do so here! Though I'll probably be closing it sometime next week (2nd November 2024 ish) to collate the data for submission.

I've got a metric tonne of deadlines due next week but you know what it's blog update time!!

This is also not going to be scheduled to post because I usually write these on the 29th but I forgot! So it's getting posted now!!

💀 School..

Yeap as I've said I'm in school so that's still in progress, I have completely no idea what I'm doing everyday and as it turns out no time to worry about it either I got deadlines baby!!!

I mean in theory I understand but it's all a big question mark to me, like i need to be reassured like a nervous dog that I'm doing the right thing and what not

And because of that I'm real sorry about pushing the Abacelsus zine to the back burner, I actually got quite a lot of it done before I had to lock in for school of course.

And though I said I had a lot of sketches I didn't post well they were shittier than I liked them to be so I wanted to make it look nicer. Oh well dems the breaks.

Another screenie of my school work, they didn't really go into depth about how to specifically design stuff so it's basically me frankenstien-ing stuff I've seen existing and just trying my best lol

I mean.. overall it's funnnn... i guess... I do like projects but everyone in my class are adults with established jobs or goals. Even those who are around my age seem to know what they're aiming for too, feels like I'm an unemployed little sucker fumbling in the dark. Can be humiliating I won't lie, why is learning something new so embarrassing?

Aside from that I'm seeing people be so social online while studying too and it's almost mesmerizing, it's definitely survivor bias but those that can balance it are fascinating to me.

📖Anthology Update

Agh enough of that debbie downer bullshit, I'll tell you what I've also got due next week! That's right!! The drafts for my anthology!

Screenie of one of the panels I posted onto my ko-fi discord!

I'm not even half way done and it's due on the 6th of December. I'm beyond FUCKED. Anyway I can get it done by then but the school shit is sucking the life out of me through my ears.

☕ Ko-Fi Page

Deadlines aside I've also randomly launched my Ko-fi Membership page! I haven't quite had the time to properly promote it but it's there and I've been updating it every so often

I've got stuff up there already and comics of things that aren't polished (or sfw) enough for me to post. Especially if you're interested in my characters and would like to support me, here's a good hub to check all of it out!

The Ko-fi Discord updates the most frequently, basically every time I draw anything (Which is quite often!). The actual ko-fi gallery is only being updated every week to prevent spam.

Shout out to my one ko-fi member, wormfriend. Right now it's quite funny to have just the one but I definitely would like more so plz join!!! I promise I draw a lot!!!

🌯 Wrapping it up...

That's all I've got for you this month, real grind-y and uneventful but hey some moths are like that. I talked about opening my commissions again in December and I intend to keep that promise but as of yet the first week is not looking too hot haha. I'll consider it on the 7th but whuff it's real packed right now!

I don't have really anything else to say or add that isn't either

a) incredibly negative and self deprecating

or

b) cussing the shit out of disrespectful transphobic anonymous asks I've been getting

so I'm just going to end this hastily written blog update here and get back to work!

I leave you with this cool down drawing of a honda civic and my attempts at a motorcycle that can also hover in the air.

As always thank you so much for reading and I've been so busy I haven't even had time to work on my annual redraw that's been sitting in my folders gah! If you’d like to support me, here’s my ko-fi page again and my itchi.io & gumroad as well.

If you have any questions or just generally want to talk to me, my DMs and askbox is always open! Any professional enquires can be sent towards my email as well: eliotlime@gmail.com

XOXO, Stay weird!

-Eliot :)

[sundogsandrainbows]

Hi, I'm sorry to write to you out of the blue, but Of Elves and Humans was the first DA longfic that got me hooked back in 2011 when I, as a dumb teen, happened to pick up DAO. Ever since then, the DA universe has been a constant fixation of mine and my admiration for you as a writer as well as someone who isn’t afraid to call out the franchise's flaws has never wavered. Now that Bioware decided to take a massive shit on everything pre-DAV and their oldest fans specifically, I'm really devastated and feel like a fool for having been so invested in DA and its lore for those past 13 years. It’s incredibly encouraging, however, to see you keep on keeping on. "So since they spat in my face like this I ignore this atrocity of a game even exists" is where I hope to be at soon, too. Thank you.

(First of all apologies for the late reply, I put it in my drafts when i was too tired to complete it, and then my adhd brain forgot it existed due to being distracted by new shinies 😂☠)

But aww omg i cannot believe i was the gateway drug into dragon age, or rather the old version of my story on FFN was. I am so very honored <3 And nonnie, I feel you. I am invested in DA as a series since DA:O's release in 2009, like I bought it on a whim for XBox because I liked Mass Effect 1 sm. So that is 15 yrs of my life i spent loving and discussing a thing while still being critical of the thing, but now i feel so very protective of the world, lore and its characters that "New Bioware" has decided to take a massive dump of shit on, and not only the games but the old fans I feel are treated with disdain too and do not matter to them any longer.

Long, subjective rant about current bioware aka the shambling corpse of its former self and talent incoming. Spoilers for Veilguard bc i don't give a fuck to avoid them :D You (general you, not you in particular dearest nonny <3) should use your time better than to play this shit anyhow 😂

It feels like calculated malice of new Bioware to apply the scorched earth tactics to offscreen destroy everything that old fans and fans of the other games in general held dear, and was supposed to suck out the enjoyment of DAO, DA2 and DAI. Like it is obvious they plan to create a sequel on DA's scorched bones, but jfc, you can do so story-wise without spitting everyone loving what old bioware has built in the face after dropkicking them. But to me that is part of the problem, since if i remember correctly and i wish i could find the bit... they praised Veilguard as "The best Dragon Age game ever", with the most interesting companions and best most improved combat system, comparing it to the other three games in a near smug fashion. There is marketing and there is putting the other games down to prop up your most favorite and only child mattering and they were definitely doing the latter. And don't get me started on the whole "Who is Zevran" debacle or we are gonna here all day.

Bottom line is new/current devs and writer do not give a shit about and very possibly have never played any other game than Inquisition, and you cannot tell me otherwise. And since a lot of devs/writer have left since the start of this project that would become this abysmal game, I also have the impression that there is a lot of underlying resentment toward what these former colleagues have created and so they piss on it in order to make it fully theirs now. Like dogs marking their territory, and well that did not work out, imo. At all.

Ever since they announced respecting our past choices by ignoring them (????) it was clear to me that I would not play Veilguard but just watch a playthrough and all spoilers and then move on. And everything i saw before release was shocking... like i was flabbergasted at how baaaad the dialogue was, which as a writer myself is super important to me in my story. There was no subtext, characters just blurt out everything they think and feel, like a lifeless doll you squeeze and words tumbling out and just as natural. It is stilted, awkward and 80% of it exists for info dump or info dumb rather as they keep repeating the same shit they just told you a few seconds ago as if you as the player are braindead. Here is a good example of what i mean.

Jfc, who edited this crap? There is so much superfluous dialogue that adds nothing to a scene but annoyance for the player and says nothing at all. Just pure senseless yapping in the most cringy way. Why was no one there to trim this nonsense as you should as a writer/editor? Hell, they really disregarded every simple and basic writing rule (everything is told never SHOWN for example especially in dialogue) which really made me question their competence in what they were doing and thus the quality of the upcoming game but i still held out hope for it to not be that bad.

Well shit, it was even worse. In all regards. Especially the writing that cringed this writer into a new dimension with its incoherent incompetence. Jfc. they got paid for that? I'm convinced the majority of fandom writer can do much better, even unpaid. Hell my cat just by walking over the keyboard can manage a better draft and script...💀

But I digress. That is a rant for another time. Point is, nonny, despite my defiant words, I struggled too for days after i got to know the full extent of Bioware's spiteful fuckery to even look at anything da related, in my case my Alistair/Mahariel longfic. I was really down for a few days, ngl. Then again, there is nothing better than spite fueling my creativity to prove "i can write better" soooo in the end and with the help of the much better first version of DA4 in the artbook, I was able to exorcise the demons and feverdream-mindfuck of mediocrity sold to me as a turd with gold-glitter that is this game.

I have successfully now rejected its existence, filled the void with the version that should have been from the artbook and vowed to give no fucks what bioware is doing or saying and infinitely more fucks when writing my own version of thedas and the version of DA4 that should be. REWRITES BBY hell yeah. So OEAH:R is just the beginning of a verse-wise rewrite. But if you need a pick me up, nonny, you are very much welcome to take a trip down memory lane to Dragon 9:30 and see how much this iteration of the story differs from my first one back in the days. Because in this house of mine, we grow and learn as writers, unlike bioware where writer ego reigns surpreme (oh boy and does it ever show in VG) aka eating their own turds and tell themselves it is the finest chocolate 💀

There is still a lot of good about DA out there, but we have to accept it does not come from Bioware any longer. Instead it came, comes and will come from the fans and creators of art and texts and words defying their bullshit with their love and respect for the world, its lore and characters. Also very unlike Bioware.

As we should <3

[chrissv4mp]

tornado warnings 🌪⚠️

warnings: vulgar language, maybe gets a little sexual but not real smut, getting back with an ex (don't do this seriously its the WORST decision you'll ever make)

author's note: GUYS i am so obsessed with sabrina carpenter so i js HADDDDD to make a matt oneshot based on one of her songs!!

edit: yall are getting this early bc i couldn't wait to post it & i also just hate having stuff in my drafts!!

_____________

"matt," you laughed, stumbling over your own feet as you tried to make your way to him.

"c'mon, just a few more steps. don't fall now, darling." he joked, and you swear you felt nauseous at the thought of it.

your eyes glanced to the ground, and you forgot how high up you were. was the alcohol just making it seem higher?

you took the last few steps with caution, and right at the last one, you stepped on your shoelace, causing you to stumble forward.

"shit," matt gasped, grabbing your forearm tight but gentle enough that it wouldn't hurt. he pulled you back, the both of you falling on your asses on the roof.

matt laughed at your shocked expression, acting as if you hadn't almost broken bones. he was always like this, never feeling anything. and even if he did, he would just find it funny.

"what the fuck?" you gasped, and before you could even yell at him, you started to laugh. his laughter was contagious, everyone would agree.

his hold on you didn't last long, quickly pushing you out of his arms and getting to his feet.

your smile faded as you watches him crawl back into the house through the window, leaving you by yourself.

what kind of boyfriend does that?

you shook your head, fending off the bad thoughts and quickly thinking of how many other guys were worse. matt wasn't even a bad boyfriend.

he just... was a little scared of relationships. it was the commitment, he always said.

_____________

sighing, you stared up at the ceiling of the office, the only sound in the room being a pen writing on paper and your quiet breaths.

"so, back to what we talked about last session, your boyfriend?--"

"ex." you corrected, looking back in your therapists direction.

"oh, i'm sorry ms. y/l/n. uhm, you said you felt unwanted, but that you still believed he had a good heart, is that correct?" the man asked, looking down at the paper in his clipboard.

"yeah, yes, that's right." you breathed, fidgeting with your hands as you looked around the room.

"you also said that you planned to breakup with him, cut off all communication. have you spoken to him since said breakup?" he tilted his head, looking up from his clipboard.

shit.

"no, no i haven't. never saw him. never kissed him." you said, your voice growing quiet as you said the last words.

if he didn't see it, it doesn't exist. he doesn't have to know.

the man sighed, taking his glasses off before placing them on a table to the side, "ms. y/l/n, this is a safe space, you know that. we've been doing these sessions for a little over 7 months now, and i'm sure that you know everything you tell me in here is private and is never spoken of outside this office."

"i know, i do feel that this is a safe space. and i swear to you i'm telling the truth. im over that son of a bitch. he's the worst." your lips curved into a reassuring smile, and unsurprisingly it hadn't helped your case.

"okay," he sighed.

_____________

you glanced at the clock on the wall, sitting at the island in your kitchen as you finished up some work on your computer.

your phone was left untouched next to your mouse pad and you silently prayed that it remained silent.

the screen lit up, and an array of messages suddenly blew up your phone.

great, just what you wanted!

you didn't take your eyes off the computer screen, but as soon as you saw matts contact name in the corner of your eye, you couldn't help but grab the phone.

matt🫀: 'can i come over???'

matt🫀: 'nvm im already On my way!'

matt🫀: 'bringing snacks btw, we should watch a movie if ur down'

matt🫀: 'was gonna ask what u wanted but u take centuries to reply soooo coke and kit-kats it is :)

"what?" you whispered, chuckling quietly at his texts.

no, you can't laugh. none of this was funny, and he knows that he's crossing your boundaries right now. why does he always do this?

you: you js keep gaining red flags every day, we're not playing capture the flag, ykw that right?🚩

matt🫀: we're always playing capture the flag, the only flags i collect r green tho!💋

he couldn't be serious. was he even real?

you: sassy man apocalypse has started yet again😱

matt🫀: you take the man out of the sassy apocalypse, not the sassy out the man🤷‍♀️

you: your the worst

matt🫀: you're*

your thumb hit the power button, and not even a minute later, the doorbell rung.

having forgotten about your laptop, you quickly jumped to your feet and ran to the door. a smile was plastered on your lips, and you couldn't seem to get rid of it.

why must you always fall for his tricks. he's such a dick.

"hey, darling," he smiled, his backpack hanging off one shoulder and a plastic grocery bag hanging off the other.

his pet name caught you off guard, and you swore your knees almost gave out. no man has ever made you as weak as matt has.

who does he think he is?

"hi, matt." you smiled, and he didn't hesitate when he leaned down to kiss you.

your hand went to his chest, pushing him back and moving your head to the side even if your hand kept him back.

he scoffed in fake offense, pulling away, "you're no fun, y'know?"

"i'm fully aware." you laughed before moving to the side to let him in.

he went straight to your room, having known your house so well since he had been living with you for a while before.

all doubtful thoughts were thrown out the window as you made your way to the bedroom. you caught matts eye as you made you walked in.

"c'mere," he smiled, gesturing you over with a wave of his hand, "what movie should we watch?"

you couldn't help but smile, almost forgetting all the prominent red flags that he had. he was the worst.

or maybe he wasn't as bad as you thought. maybe it was just you.

he was good for you. he kept you on your feet, kept you grounded.

"baby." he said, his voice breaking you out of your thoughts, "come here,"

matt smiled as he patted the empty spot next to him, and you wasted no time in getting on the bed and situating yourself beside him.

his hand grazes your thigh as he reaches over you for the remote, turning the TV on before scrolling through endless amounts of movies.

"superhero movie?" he asked quietly, looking over at you as you shook your head.

"wow, surprising." he joked, clicking through some more movies that didn't catch either of your eyes.

matt ditched the remote on what used to be his nightstand before he rolled over to face you.

his eyes were still that deep blue that you loved, and the smirk on his face didn't help as you tried to look away.

"i missed you," matt muttered, his voice soft as his fingers danced along the skin of your arm.

your breath hitched as his hand found the hem of your shirt and went under it, that stupid smirk on his face making it impossible for you to deny him.

"matt, we can't--"

"shh," his lips were dangerously close to yours now, and you didn't even want to question how he got so close to you in just a few seconds.

"there's not a rule that we can't, and we both know you need this. just let me relieve your stress, yeah?"

what the fuck is matthew sturniolos secret.

his hand traveled further up your shirt until it landed on your breast, and you couldn't help the gasp that escapes your lips as he squeezed it.

with his free hand, he propped himself on top of you, knees on either side of your body as he leaned down to your lips.

you couldn't resist him, not now that he was corrupting all your senses. all you knew was him now.

"no, matt." you muttered against his lips, your hand gentle against his chest as you tried but failed to push him away.

you couldn't do this anymore. it was killing you. he didn't want anything more than just a fuck-buddy and you both knew that.

so why was it so hard to push him away?

"matt," you gasped as you felt his lips on your neck, his smell intoxicating as your eyes fluttered shut.

no, you wouldn't do this anymore.

"matt, get off." your gentleness was gone now as you pushed him with real strength, he didn't give a single fuck about you, really.

the boy didn't hesitate to stop, quickly climbing off you before plopping right back next to you on the bed.

"shit, i'm sorry, baby." he muttered, real worry in his voice.

you shook your head, sitting up as you covered you face with your hands.

"please, just leave. we can't do this anymore. seriously." you sighed, tears pricking in your eyes.

"but--" matt tried, but you cut him off just as he was about to start begging.

"get out, matt." your hands went back to your sides, but you didn't dare look at him.

he would only reel you back in.

the boy sighed, frowning as he collected his stuff slowly.

he stopped when he reached the doorway of your bedroom, turning back to look at you, and this time you looked back.

"i do love you, y/n." he said quietly before leaving, shutting the door gently.

your lips parted as you took in the words that had just left his mouth.

no, it was a lie. it always was.

it wasn't true, right?

this was just another red flag to add to the list. all the lies he'd say.

fuck, he drives you crazy.

. . .

[caffeiiine]

hi soda!! how you doing!! tell me about your ocs!!

HI BASIL!!!!! I AM WELL ASIDE FROM A MILD COLD!!!!

oh i am so so happy you asked. there is a lot of text. i am partially sorry.

I’d give you drawings or in the very least a doodle but i literally cannot draw them. Unfortunately the screenshotted post is me. Also these ocs are insanely self indulgent. remember the blorbo askgane and you asked me what my favorite tropes were in blorbos, they’re all my dear little amalgamations of these traits given stories. my ultimate blorbos if you will. my little ones.

anyways!!!! I ahve two “universes” thus far and many many many timelines depending on which one I feel like indulging in right then. Not exactly universe as in they’re different realities, they’re taking place in the same reality, same earth. i just use universe to say “these characters are interconnected in some way”, and any characters “outside that universe” are in no way connected to the others.

So!! with that out of the way let’s move on to the actual ocs.

———

First off, we have Zima Raskolnikova. I lied a little, I was actually able to make a drawing of her awhile back. It’s not really up to my current impression of her, but it’s way better than her first draft.

So what’s with her is first of all, they were made for artfight last year. tehyre not super developed, nor do they have a story yet. but they do have connections! and they do necromancy! and i love necromancers! they are also a coroner, im not sure if the nevromancer thing would be good for bad for her job, maybe they’ll get fired if they animate a fresh body. i dont know. they havent told me yet.

stole the name off this guy.

Anyways! her story is a little cliche, i’ll admit now. they were seperated from her brother in an orphanage somewhere after the two were adopted by separate families. Her eye isn’t the result of an accident or anything, they were quite literally born with a faulty eye and it was easier to just remove it and give her a glass one than try and restore function to it. Not that they wear it either way.

I’m cross referencing my oc/misc. discord server and I forgot to write down what her plot was?? I think when i went to write it down i got torn between which version I was going to write. [i typically only write one (canon) version per channel, and i didn’t feel like making a new channel right then]. I don’t think they werre going to reunite with her brother. her brother is on a ship and honestly kinda resigned himself to never finding her again. more on him in a minute.

There was a second canon I made where they go out of her way to find him! it’s not fleshed out because truthfully i haven’t thought about it in awhile, but that canon exists! In the original canon though, they dont find her brother and the two kinda remain seperated. Once I posted about them and another moot of mine rbed telling me how my ocs were just tragedy after tragedy after tragedy. which! fair observation im not even going to lie.

after post note: i had to go through and fix all the ‘she’ pronouns because i routinely forget they go by They/her.

———

Next up, we have the second character in this little “universe”! Ryuunosuke Ito. He’s a ship captain because I want to be on the sea sometimes. i think it’d be great. that’s literally what it says in the server too

i like fish, i can’t identify many but i like fish.

His story is a little more dependent on the people around him, or, well, person. He has a weird Thing for the ship’s cook that he neither wants to acknowledge let alone accept. He avoids Simon as much as he can, which isn’t a whole lot unless he’s in the captains quarters because ships aren’t that big. Simon thinks he’s weird and has no clue why he keeps avoiding him. He’ll keep serving food bc it gets him paid but it kinda pisses him off to be alone half the time.

Regarding Zima, he vaguely knows she exists. He has no way to contact her, no idea where to start, unsure if he even should.

All in all, atleast in true canon, he doesn’t really end up happy. i don’t know, there’s not a lot to him right now.

I managed to find an old doodle of him and his sister though.

i never came up with an official design for him.

His namesake is from the one, the only, Ryuunosuke Akutagawa!!! note, not the author.

———

Simon is technically the third “main” character of the universe, but I have somehow even less on him than Ryuu so I’m not even gonna mention him.

guess who his namesake originates from. Simon keyes!!!!

———

Onto our next universe!! This one only has two characters, if you recognize tropes then i’ll say it now: I made them a little bit after I watched Spy’s are forever, so they are somewhat inspired off the musical.

Ivo!! His namesake comes from Ivo Robotnik!! I never watched or played sonic but man i love egg man’s name. Funny thing is I chose robotnik to be his namesake for several reasons, one I keep mixing up Ivo and Tenma’s roles in their universe and the original rough plot line was going to include a robot corpse [i’ll explain that in a minute]. And that namesake took me along the thought-train like “robotnik -> makes robots -> fixes robots -> fixer”. On Tenma, his namesake is from Jinxie Tenma AA:DD. His namesake has meaning as well, mostly because Jinxie kept getting possessed, and in a related way, that is kinda what happens to Tenma.

So Ivo and Tenma are a spy duo, Ivo is on the inside, making things easy to get into, the hacker guy. idk i don’t watch spy movies, spies are forever was an exception. Basically he keeps Tenma safe while he’s out, eye in the sky and all that.

One day while Tenma is out on a mission, Ivo is going through the usual, they’re even chatting a little bit! They’re making plans for when Tenma gets back from the mission, generally there’s little risk right then, so they can slack off. Suddenly Ivo hears a struggle, and the line goes quiet, Tenmas tracker disappears off the map a few minutes later too. For a week he’s off the grid. god knows what’s happening to him or if he’s even alive. Ivo knew that they wouldn’t have forever together, especially in their career. but he didn’t really expect it to end so suddenly, like that. he doesn’t even have a body to bury. Come sunday the following week, Ivo is wallowing in his office when Tenma stumbles inside.

The man is like a corpse. The way he moves, how stiff he is, how he looks, smells, feels. the one thing to set apart a corpse from Tenma is the fact that Tenma walks and is still warm. I haven’t decided where it goes from there, nor really what’s actually wrong with him or what happened. I mean obviously he got caught and tortured for information then dumped somewhere nearly dead, but i’m not too sure the effects that’d have other than physical. anyways! there is an ending where he ends up “warming up” and after a lot of time and effort on Ivo’s part he gets to be Almost Tenma. Not completely the same as before he left, but as close as it’ll get. That’s enough for Ivo.

Time to explain the robot corpse. In the original story, Tenma was going to die. Ivo would have fashioned a robot to look and act like Tenma, but it wouldn’t have been the same. I realized that there’s nothing to do with a plot like that, it’s also not really my style of story so I ended up making the above draft.

[tonydaddingham]

tried to send an ask forgetting my connection's awful rn, so if you're getting this twice rephrased that's why. i'm just gonna try and type it as close to verbatim as i can remember:

i might be on to absolutely nothing, but i think this is interesting with the introduction of the BOL. my bad if i'm repeating things you've gone over a thousand times, but.

it's never made much sense to me to add something so huge so late and not offer any explanation. obviously it'll be a thing in s3, but why wouldn't heaven have used this in s1, if they have no qualms with rewriting history by removing Aziraphale? stopping armageddon entirely sounds like a wayyyy bigger transgression than sheltering gabriel (and crowley, ofc, wouldn't have then managed it without him). they'd at least be equal? if everything's how it seems, it all sort of comes across as a really lazily added threat. i'd rather it wasn't

if book canon can be factored into show theories at *all* at this point, i think this line lends some weight to thinking things are not in fact how they seem. the BOL could really, really, not be a book. i'm just typing words with no meaning at this point, but what if it's got something directly to do with jesus? am i reading ridiculously far into a throwaway line? do i sound as crazy to you as to myself right now

hey @aq-uatic, beloved!!!✨💕 im so sorry i said i'd answer this yesterday but then it fell out of my brain and i forgot about it in my drafts 💀

i have however ruminated on the bit from the book you've screenshotted and i'll come back to it in a minute (because Oh Boy), but im totally with you on the BOL thing -

i know i tagged you in another ask response because the same kinda thing came up, but yeah im still a little confused on why they didn't threaten it when aziraphale derailed the apocalypse? it's such an op weapon to have tucked in their back pocket (same as the miracle blocker, tbh), and it not have been even alluded to in s1/book?

the only thing i can attribute it to is that a) only the supreme archangel or above technically has the power to use it, b) michael assumes they have that power bc they insert themselves as supreme archangel duty officer, and c) heaven never does seem to change its passwords*

but then it further brings into question what is so different between gabriel and michael that gabriel would prefer to punish aziraphale by execution, instead of BOL'ing him (and therefore risk unmaking so much shit that happened because of aziraphale)... compared to michael who goes straight to the nuclear option? this further brings up some possibilities:

michael is an idiot to consider it, and gabriel is clever enough to know not to use it (both eventualities are... debatable)

michael misunderstands what the BOL actually is, that's it's not what they have told us - the audience - it is, and it does something else.

so yeah let's consider that all the archangels know of its existence (uriel and saraqael do not seem to react when michael threatens aziraphale of it in ep6), but only SA has the authority to use it, but michael is not actually SA... well, is there actually an instance where michael would truly know what it does? arguably not, not unless they went looking in the files on the BOL* which, presumably, in their arrogance, they did not.

(by the by, this could also suggest that AWCW was not an archangel - if all the archangels knew of the BOL, but he thought it was just a rumour to frighten the younger angels, then he evidently did not seem to have known that it was real. could however be something to do with his seemingly faulty memory, though - the fact that he doesn't seem to remember the BOL?)

(ALSO if the BOL is indeed to erase existence, as a punishment against angels, and this concept existed pre-fall/before the earth was created etc (given what crowley says in ep1), did aziraphale know about it? is this what punishment he appears to be afraid of when AWCW starts asking questions? would that mean that aziraphale was an archangel or was privy to archangel-level info?)

okay unrelated mental gymnastics over (before i talk myself into a hole, but also worthwhile notes @me to remember) - let's talk about the adam quote!✨

it's interesting to think, because how far do we consider adam's powers as the antichrist? could consider it as the exact mirror of, yk, jesus, or as a hereditary power from his father - former SA and now literal satan. we know he can resurrect the dead, he did so in s1; to resurrect 25 people equates to the power "only the mightiest of archangels" would have (according to shax, though, so - pinch of salt here). but ultimately he has the power and ability to unmake reality, full stop. even if we ignore the exact wording from book!canon, we have this in the show:

do we take this as adam having the same power as the BOL? yeah, think that's fair to say, (especially if we consider that, from the christian bible, jesus appears to be the one to wield the BOL, revelation 3:5), and i definitely think you're onto something... but what does it mean? does that mean the BOL doesn't even exist? that adam would be able to counteract the BOL? gonna need to think on it more, but i also think it might be something to do with this:

💀✨

[mcsacaria-blog]

Sorrow P3

Authors note: idk where this is going btw I have not story in mind this is just improvised. Also part 3-4 were supposed to be one big chapter but tumblrs dumb and it won’t let me post it all in one.

Warnings: kidnapping, OC Dabi lol I’m not good at writing for him, Yandere-like content, stalking, blood, dingy warehouse, fire, needles, swearing

The next day I’m walking back to my hotel and I smell cider and ash. I pause and mentally pray, hoping Bakugou hasn’t found me. It’s been 3 months of silence..

I inhale once more and settle down after I realize there’s no lingering scent of burnt sugar and caramel following behind the smoke. However as I continue walking, I now notice the smoke is coming from the hotel I’m staying at.

I rush the rest of the way there until I’m standing in front of the smoking building. I catch a glimpse of black spikey hair and.. a trench coat of sorts the suspect turns around and through the smoke I make out piercing vibrant blue eyes that match the vibrant flames. My eyes widen and my realization of who I’m looking at hits me similar to the metal bat that’s making contact with my head-.

That day when the agency got targeted by the League of villains.. There was smoke everywhere; they had bombed a quarter of the place while Bakugou was on a mission in another state. I was in the control room when it happened. I was working on helping Bakugou detonate a bomb, ironically..I didn’t remember much after that. When I finally came to and the smoke started to clear I caught a glimpse of him exactly like I did at the hotel. He had a wicked grin when he noticed I was awake.. I thought I heard him say “just wait”. It was such a short encounter it slipped my mind so easily I forgot the memory even existed until I saw his face again... I wake up with a sharp migraine as my eyes adjust. I notice blood dripping from somewhere.. I try to move and get this uncomfortable pain under my skin. As my eyes adjust I notice I’m in a dingy warehouse. It smells of mildew and dust. I turn my head and notice needles under my skin and blood dripping from where they are seethed into my skin. There's a single lamp swaying from the ceiling due to the cold draft. I’m bound to a wooden chair. There's a machine next to me huffing out air every few seconds. There are tubes that are connecting the machine to the needles under my skin… it’s pumping my blood.. It's silent otherwise until I hear a dry chuckle come from somewhere in the warehouse. Suddenly the man I saw before appears under the dim lighting. He smiles wickedly and sighs in what seems like satisfaction. “You’re finally awake” he says, still smiling, the strange staples? He has on his face straining to hold together. I don’t speak, instead I continue to stare at him as my forgotten memories come back to me. The patchy man hums as he gets closer to me. “I’ve been waiting for this moment you know.. the very second I would be able to catch you. I’ve been watching you for a while now” He pulls a chair over, placing it close to me he turns it backwards and sits. He just stares at me, the crevices of patchy skin starting to bleed from his wide smile. He sighs “Sorry about the needles, love. But I had to make sure you wouldn’t be going anywhere and Toga went a bit overboard when I said she could help…” He gets up and picks up a set of handcuffs from a tool box. “Ah, these should do the trick” he presses a button and they open, a bright blue light illuminates from them. He strolls over behind me to my rope tied wrist and places them on me. I can feel his breath against my neck. “These are quirk canceling cuffs… they also double as debinators so I suggest you try not to struggle too much or you’ll die.” He says ending the sentence with a chronically deceitful laugh. He starts to pull the needles from my skin and turns the machine off. “Why am I here?” I ask him calmly “Oh! She does speak!” He says sarcastically. “To be honest I was expecting you to be shitting your pants by now but I guess you’re a lot more level headed than you seem..” He says finally pulling the last needle from under my skin and sitting back in his chair “Well in any case I’ll tell you why I took you since there’s no sense in hiding it. I've been.. waiting for you. Ever since we first met..” He smiles darkly again and sighs. “What a glorious moment it was, don’t you agree?” “Do you remember what I told you that day? He asks rhetorically. When I noticed you leaving town I got a bit worried..but I was relieved to find you and even more relieved to see it seems like you’ve dumped that boom boom prick when I caught sight of you over here.. I was curious so I took you to ask, why?” He just looks at me like he just asked me what my favorite color is. “Oh c’mon.. you can tell me, sweets. Did that asshole hurt you?” “That’s not your business” I respond shortly. “So he did then?” He sucks his teeth. “Douche” he says looking off to the side at nothing in particular with an angry expression. His face shifts to a blank look and he sighs. “Well.. you’re with me now so we don’t have to worry about that shithead getting in our way anymore right, doll?”

[headlessmage]

If it's alright to ask (sorry if this is the wrong blog or something like that), but would you be willing to share your experiences with Sekhmet? Along with that, would you be willing to give any advice on how to contact her? I've never contacted an Egyptian deity before but have felt a strong pull towards Sekhmet for a long time now.

Anything you have to say is greatly appreciated! Thank you for your time, and I hope you have a wonderful day or night. 🧡

Hello there! I am so very sorry, I saved this ask as a draft to work on and promptly forgot about it for nine months... I still hope it helps on some level!

Sekhmet is the one who brought me forth into the realm of the Netjeru, catching my eye as a child and appearing during times of need throughout my life. However, She is very much the Wandering Eye to me, not to appear until I have true need for Her help again.

As with most of the Netjeru, She is a multi-faceted deity. Sometimes She is the vengeful Eye of Ra, a punitive deity set out to punish the enemies of Ra (and humanity) for their disobedience and revolt. Her arrows follow Her commands to strike down all foes, and She often slips into a fury with the bloodshed.

Then again, She may be a protective deity, a Protector of Wesir, Ra, and humanity. In this form She is still violent, as She will not tolerate those who rise up against the ones She protects, but it is not quite into a frenzy that turns Her against all creation.

Other times, she is a rejoicing, jubilant, benevolent deity. She brings life and health to Her people, and causes them to celebrate Her protection.

As with contacting any Netjeru, I would just remain respectful and calm. I typically reach out to Them by going through Their epithets, and calling upon Them in one that fits my situation or how I wish to speak with Them. For example, I would not call Her through the title of "Who Eats What Exists" (unless perhaps I wish to ask For Her help in destruction). Instead, I would focus on something more along the lines of "Great Noble One" or "Who Turns to The One Who Calls Her Name" when first making contact.

I also think that with any deity interaction, an offering (no matter the size or importance) is a great way to start out on the right foot. I typically offer cool water on a daily basis and believe it's a perfect offering should you not have anything else on hand.

[psychopomp-namine]

Who are your top 7 favorite ships ever (can be canon or non canon) from any media? Why do you love them? Thanks 🌻

hi anon. first of all, I am so sorry for only answering your ask now. I know you sent this twice. I had an answer in my drafts and then just. forgot to return to it. I made 16 drafts since getting your ask, so it got buried, apologies. I make a lot of posts that I just hide in the drafts and they never see the light of day. my draft count right now is 174...

also, assuming that the other ask I got is from the same anon, or maybe it's different, idk. regardless, yes I got the fanfiction ask. I'll answer it maybe uhh tomorrow or something.

as for my actual answer.

gonna be honest, my favorites change a lot. also, I know I have more than 7 ships, surely. but I can only think of 5 atm that I consider to be, like, at the very top of the pile. they are:

mitsukisa (jack jeanne) - how do I even begin to describe mitsukisa. there's an emotional intimacy to them that's just so tender and accepting. it's about quiet trust and vulnerability. the mortifying ordeal of being known, etc etc. the fact that both mitsuki and kisa wanted to resolve their personal issues privately, but because they're theater actors, they ended up using the play they're acting in to resolve them publicly, which is what they feared doing in the first place. they can be read as romantic, but also as queerplatonic. they fuck around with gender. when mitsuki said, "what? are you jealous? that I'm a better girl than you" meanwhile kisa is in most cases a better jack than him. oh rama havenna was so good I shipped them as their actor selves (mitsuki and kisa) and as their stage roles (rukiora and chicchi). love mtsks. play jack jeanne.

2B/9S (nier automata) - I don't want to delve into spoilers, but they're doomed into living and loving and killing each other in tragic cycles.

suzalulu (code geass) - I watched code geass when I was a teenager and szll just imprinted on me. they're the blueprint. they're doomed to be foils who meet a poetic, tragic end. they speedrun every dynamic ever. they would have taken over the world in 4 episodes and ended the plot early if they just dated.

shiguang (link click) - yet another "doomed by the narrative" not really ship. are you seeing a pattern? but actually, what sold me on them wasn't all the "chase you to the end of the world" stuff. that came later. what initially got me was when I was first watching S1, I thought the earthquake arc would have devastating effects on their relationship. listen, I didn't know what I was getting into with link click, but I thought that was expected. it's ripe for drama! but how do they handle the fight? they put their side business on hold but they still keep being roommates. they still do their day job. they still talk. they're still upset but they give each other space but not to the point where they can't stand existing in each other's spaces. that's when I realized that oh, they really trust each other. they have a very solid foundation for their relationship that not even the earthquake arc can break. they're pretty level-headed about this, actually, all things considered? all the doomed yaoi stuff came later, but that's just the cherry on top. it's the way they handled conflict and disappointment in S1 that got me. "let's still call her elizabeth, okay?" and then kittyguang and puppyshi just quietly stay on the sofa all night. little moments like that. post-earthquake arc lu guang getting cheng xiaoshi milk tea and the elizabeth chibi shorts are what truly, truly sold me on them. and while I do genuinely love the doinghua the most, if we're talking purely from a shipping perspective and not plot? I sometimes prefer the manhua more lol. or like. S1 = chibi shorts > manhua >>> yingdu >> S2. not sure about live action yet because I do like what he xu brings to the table but I haven't finished the show.

quanyin (tgcf) - it's kinda funny, because my favorite mxtx protagonist is obviously shen yuan from svsss. but in terms of shipping? I firmly believe mxtx peaked with quanyin. the imagery of a crumbling palace behind yin yu as quan yizhen was looking at him, all proud, while yin yu grappled with the complicated feelings of being surpassed and chased and hating it? absolutely perfect. quan yizhen's sincerity contrasted with yin yu's resentment. somehow, in a novel that's literally about hualian, quanyin is the ship that stood the test of time for me. you have to let it marinate in your brain a little. you could argue it's the evolution of certain svsss ships, if they were written in a different novel. but if we're just choosing from the canon mxtx couples though, my favorite would be wangxian.

you asked 7 and I only gave 5 and I really could not think of an additional two that's like, a cut above the rest in my personal preferences. but I'll add here some wlw ships that I like, to even out the genders here. they aren't in my top personal favorites, but they're up there, and highly recc them regardless.

farcille (dungeon meshi) - here's where the recency bias comes in lol because I just finished the anime very very recently and I've yet to catch up to the manga. but I am so very much in favor of marcille performing forbidden necromancy magic and planning to cannibalize her girlfriend, and how those two things are very reasonable and not the actual issue if they ever got together. the actual source of conflict would be (as I've come to understand it) falin's own passivity and marcille grappling with the tension of her and falin being from two different races with different lifespans. I think that's a very interesting lens to view a fictional relationship.

kyosaya (pmmm) - you'd think, given that I love shiguang from link click, that I'd be all in on madohomu. and I mean, I do like them, do not get me wrong. but kyoko and sayaka just resonated with me a bit more. their stories are more human, and I was personally more interested in exploring the magical girl theme through their relationship than through madohomu. like, the desire to be free vs to do good, how kindness bleeds into selfishness, and in the end they're the two sides of the same coin. when kyoko said, "hey god, if you're there, my life sucked. so for once, please, let me have a happy dream." then in rebellion, "I had a nightmare where you died." man.

also not in my top favorites. but! as a bonus. I kinda want to throw in shion/KOS-MOS (xenosaga) too, but they're from an old game you probably can't play anymore. I don't even like, recommend playing it tbh, just watch it on youtube. girl who god likes to talk to creates a loyal robot who can destroy the universe and slowly becomes more human throughout the course of the series, and also she has the soul of mary magdalene. yeah. man. I miss xenosaga.

also I just realized that aside from mitsukisa and farcille. every ship here has "not meant to be together" vibes from the narrative lol. so I guess that's the secret ingredient I personally like

[m1ckeyb3rry]

No because it was fr just a weekly “lmao get ready for the WHERES TOGE text” but EVIL INUMAKI??? WHY LMFAOO???? I’m crying wtf PLEASE PLOT RELEVANCE true though that’s actually kinda sad omg Inumaki erasure too real….i will just be glad that he’s alive (gege also gave him back his arm in that color spread celebrating the end too??? Either I didn’t read well enough or Akita also forgotLAMAOA)

LMAOOO I’ll never say no to a good tiktok edit…but also no pressure to scroll through because sometimes I do that and I mentally kick myself because there’s sm I have to scroll back through for

FR they really made it so it’s very children target audienced like big round eyes just round EVERYTHINF and the jokes and interactions from what I’ve seen are also very kid targeted imo…

LMAOOO otoya truly would not exist without any Ls but AHAHAH protractor hair and Mr white and green in historical drama I totally forgot about that immersion factor I’m laughing

FR you should just buy the rights from Justin Bieber atp imagine at some point otoya gets to meet reader too by proxy of Karasu and he gets shut down real fast he barely gets a word in and she’s like “you look like a fboy yikes” AHSHAHAH

- Karasu anon

i think they were predicting he was the second traitor (who ended up being like some random higher up iirc) because he didn’t do anything else but kept showing up LMAOO also i’ve seen people complaining about that but actually no it’s not an inconsistency!! it’s in one of the final chapters where they’re talking about how rika needs to consume some part of someone to use their technique or smth and that’s why they haven’t regenerated inumaki or hana’s arms yet…not sure why that was added in there because yuta uses cursed speech beforehand and tbh i didn’t care enough to figure it out but yeah i do remember something along those lines being mentioned i think it’s right after the double jacob’s ladder

OKAY WAIT i’ll add them in at the end i’m typing this on my ipad so i’ll save the draft before going on my untrustworthy ahh tumblr mobile app on my phone to paste in the tik tok links SKLHDFJS

CAN YOU IMAGINE WATCHING A HISTORICAL DRAMA and it’s all dramatic and whatnot (i think reiji hiiragi can maintain his canon appearance the black hair with lavender eyes is very mysterious and fits the vibes it’s giving targaryen from got almost?? and same with yukimiya he’s okay) and then we get to the scene where otoya’s revealed and it’s just…the fuckass green streak

OMG WAIT SPEAKING OF OTOYA REVEAL I NEVER TOLD YOU HOW READER FINDS HIM!!! actually wait maybe i did i don’t even remember if i did i’m sorry for the repetition but if not hehe spoiling hollyhock time once again basically it’s the last night of the month they agreed on giving her to find him and she hasn’t found him yet but they’ve been talking every night and they’re lowkey kinda close at this point?? like otoya clearly is fond of her and she seems to like him as well…anyways otoya’s like okay well i guess tomorrow night’s the night you take me to kill your half brother and she’s like okay but can you do me a favor tonight?? so bro’s like idk what’s the favor and she asks if she can touch his face and ofc otoya being otoya thinks he’s managed to rizz her up so he’s like sure 😏 and lets her put her hands on his face and then it seems as if they’re about to kiss like they’re leaning in and shit yk but right before they can reader opens her eyes and she’s like i found you you’re mine now and he’s like 🤔 you’re not allowed to open your eyes at night #cheater 🤨 and she direct quotes him (apa formatting for citations) LMAOAOA she’s like “no you said once the moon rises i had to keep my eyes closed until daylight (m1ckeyb3rry, 32) but there is no moon tonight” and in fact it is a new moon and otoya’s so impressed that he straight up switches sides LMAOAOA my man thought he was the rizzler nah he is the rizzee SKDFJHSK he was not immune to her slightly insane charm

HELP i basically am justin bieber maybe i need to do a justin bieber theme next with the amount of times i reference him…smh young mira would be disappointed she was too #notlikeothergirls to ever be a belieber she’d be sad i quote him sm nowadays /hj

okay edit compilation they’re not all mahito because i saw some while scrolling that made me be like wait let me send HAHA

hak edit

inumaki meme edit ig?? lowkey us asf

megumi edit

another megumi edit (bro…i think i miss my wife 😓 also s1 artstyle SO GOOD anyways i liked megumi for two years watching my old saved edits of him is making me emotional)

THIS NANAMI MEME oh my god fanon shidou and i used to quote it all of the time it is SO funny

mahito edit (finally…sadly most of the ones i had saved from earlier got deleted but here’s one?? tbh he doesn’t have THAT many good scenes so if you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all)

[eri-pl]

Ooooh. :) What an interesting topic to think of. (disclaimer: that is all purely for intellectual fun and not expected to fit with any real-world theology or anything also may contain peanuts.)

I am slightly surprised with your take on the Ainur (the accents, not the content) but yes, the fact that they existed before time makes it somewhat weird when you look at it too closely, but,... idk. Let's handweave it.

Maeglin is blamed on the Doom of the Noldor? I forgot that, that's interesting.

Yes, the non-Noldor, and early Noldor were not perfect, also, Miriel died and Finwë get this really strange for Elves thing when he fell in love again, and this was before the whole thing. "In some ways" is the key here, I agree. Like... they are not all-fallen-as-a-race but many of them seem kinda fallen. I think it's another case of Tolkien trying to do many things at various times and those things not working well together.

Also, you could say that the Dark Elves fell when they refused to go to Valinor, maybe? That would fix a lot. The Vanyar do seem non-fallen, unless you hc them to be jerks. And you could also blame the Teleri for waiting. This still leaves the pre-exile Noldor as an open question. But they do work with Melkor after his release….

Elves are tied to Arda, they are maybe more like the natural world, maybe their fall is very gradual, fuzzy... Men are more all-or-nothing than elves, I would assume. The Elves are connected to Arda, they are sort of grounded, maybe their corruption and the corruption of Arda is not fully separable. Yes, we're probably getting to stuff that normally would be a heresy, but idk it's a fantasy book and maybe we can see it as a metaphor for something.

Yes, Men are… Men. And hobbits are Men, but smol. And yes, the Shire is Tolkien's nostalgia wish-fulfillment land in a way.

The Dwarves are, I would say, not fully integrated in the narrative as a metaphysically-on-human-level race. They started off as monsters, like Orcs, and evolved among Tolkien's drafts and ended up a little unfinished. Other seemingly-posessing-souls creatures (Ents, Eagles if you don't see them as Maiar,..) are even more unintegrated.

I don't think I have a good explanation of the Dwarves, but also, with them we are working so far outside any framework we know…

I don't have much new thoughts to add, I'm sorry. It's just… What we are doing, what Tolkien tried to do is just jumping so much above out heads. (But also so interesting.)

OK, let me propose something: the Dwarves have both the "problem" of Men (die) and the "problem" of Elves (while alive, they're attuned to Arda). They just get un-attuned when they die. Somehow. Because Aulë made them in a way that was… well, he tried. I like Aulë.

So the Men are, in a way the only unfallen (except that they fell) race: they are the only ones that are not corrupted by the marring of Arda, because they are not connected to it so strongly, like they have a kind of filter? So… OK, we're getting to a place where I need to put my hc on a shelf to even be able to discuss that close enough to what Tolkien wrote or suggested. So I will not go into the details. Anyway the outcome is that they are fallen too, but they are fallen in a different way. From the inside.

And it seems the exiled Noldor may have this too? I'm not fully buying it tbh. But maybe that was Tolkien's intent about them. So they would be breaking both from the outside and from the inside. But they do not die. So, you are probably right, it's not the same thing.

Anyway, the marring is one thing and the fact that the Valar aren't working perfectlly either… it may be the result of the marring, it may be just the result of them being ...whatever to call it. But they do make mistakes, to mention the biggest: the whole Dwarves situation. I think this also has an impact on the state of the world.

The world is falling apart (just slowly) and the Men (and only them) would not be falling apart with it, except they do, just for a different reason. This makes no sense on many levels, probably, but makes some sense to me as a way to read the Silm. It fits with the theme of diminishing and fading and all that.

In which I puzzle over metaphysical implications as regards the peoples inhabiting Arda

fyi, a certain familiarity with the (predominantly Christian, I think) concept of fallenness/unfallenness is assumed, although it turns out that it doesn't necessarily work here. Feel free to ask for clarifications

So. I'm once again wracking my head as I try to make sense of what I shall call: 'metaphysical states' of elves, men and others, because the subject is emphasised and lampshaded a lot in the books, and I can't force it all to make sense when taken together.

Ainur are a specific case and I should really leave them aside for now. They certainly can fall — and, unlike angels, change their mind, apparently (which goes both ways) — although they do seem to be more all-or-nothing than everyone else. Still, I think as long as one doesn't go into the implications of time and what its existence or nonexistence changes, they're almost straightforward. But then you have:

Elves. The 'Fall of the Noldor' is very strongly emphasised as a metaphysical fall from grace and further evils, even ones unconnected with the matter of the Silmarils themselves, are blamed on it later (Maeglin!) So far so good. Except. Non-Noldor are also liable to behave in ways that are not exemplary in the slightest, and it doesn't seem to signify a cesura in the same way — and the Noldor in Valinor were able to commit acts that perhaps weren't as heinous as what we call crimes, but weren't good either. Getting into rancid fights with your brother isn't much in comparison, but these are not the actions of unfallen people.

And on the other hand, authorial quote (paraphrased): "Elves in some ways represent Man in an unfallen state". And I'm inclined to agree: they aren't subject to death (except they may be killed, so doesn't this already break down?), and there is something very poignant in the image of their artistry, "extempt from earthly limitations". But they do not lose it, not in any easily tangible way. We can argue that evil diminishes creativity and it's probably true, but there is no hard line anyone passes. And this is again lampshaded in-world with the Númenoreans ("If we die because of some darkness that lay on us before, than why don't the Noldor?").

Which brings us to Men. The existence of a direct cause-effect relationship between fallenness and mortality in Arda cannot be ascertained (Even taking into account a Catholic framework, I feel that logically it need not be the same relationship as the Biblical one since, in contrast with the Garden of Eden, the world was already marred when humans appeared). While I consider the Tale of Adanel to be Gondorian in origin, I can also see the possibility that whatever Men did back then, beyond memory (or in other words "we purposefully forgot") was just that much worse than Alqualondë and the Oath. In any case, Man is very straightforwardly Fallen.

Hobbits. The rules for Halflings are presumably the same as for Men, which is certainly notable, given that they seem to be the least inclined to evil of all incarnates. Not perfect, not by a long shot, but unknowing of wars and violence. A pastoral image, only in-world it's true.

And at the same time, my musings bring me to the unexpected conclusion that dwarves are the only notable "generally unfallen" kindred. Which is, in context of everything that regards them, weird — because by their actions, they are very similar to Men. And yet — either the circumstances of their creation make them disadvantaged from the start (which doesn't really make that much sense), or something happened off-screen, or it's the same case as Saeros, or Thingol sending Beren to his death.

Ents? I honestly don't know if we've seen enough of ents to judge, although they seem generally good-inclined? Huorns are a different kettle of fish.

Before I try to explain orcs, it would do well to know what they are exactly.

In other words, I cannot make sense of it all, enough that I've resorted to calling the default state of incarnates in Arda "semi-fallen" (or, as is, "semi-unfallen"). Which is not a thing that makes sense, philosophically speaking — but I can find no better way.

(Although, to be quite honest, the default state of being in Arda (because of the discord?) seems to be significantly different from the unfallen state of Man as described by religious thinkers in some ways, and not all of them regard merely such things as physical marring, so perhaps "semi" isn't the worst way to describe it.)

In any case, if someone has thoughts on the subject, I'm very open to hearing them.

[yourlocalstranger123]

Request is closed(dead)

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—EVENT—

!¡Masterlist!¡

RULES + info about me

NEW IMPORTANT RULE: PLEASE TELL ME IF UR A MINOR OR NOT IN YOUR REQUESTS, I DONT WANNA TRUAMATIZE ANOTHER ONE 😭 (bc either I forget to put all warnings/correct tags or put some smut or slightly sus pictures.) ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

Edit: advanced apologies. I absolutely do not know how to lock my NSFW fics. And I might not have put specific warnings like, I put some bad words in it. I'm really sorry, I'll still try my best, tho.

Edit: Hello! Sorry if you found one of my posts, and it didn't have credit to the pictures. Sorry, sometimes I forgot while writing to put credit, and since every time I post, I delete the pictures. Storage problems 🥲

I'm so very, VERY shitty with my Grammer 💔

Please be very specific with your ask bc I'm a dumb little shi- I mean a bit...behind in my brain. Like what theme: angst, fluff, etc.

I prefer if you ask for part 2 in the requests and saying which writings, but doing in the comments is just fine.

I DO NOT PROOF-READ OR STUFF LIKE THAT. AM VERY SORRY 🥲

Draft limits: 10.

I usually make the reader doesn't have a gender/specific gender or just do both genders. I also like dom reader so ahem...so like yeah, if you wanna do like (???) x reader and you don't want a dom one then tell me :D

(Again, I do mostly dom reader but can do sub reader <3)

I do some stuff like yandere, obsession behavior, etc. But reminder: I do not support this in real life. Just in fiction. I hope you understand, I'm not like bad or anything 😅

I've seen some people who like a character but they are like younger than 18 and either they don't know it or they look older for their age. So I'll allow it as long as the character isn't too young, like under the 15's, and I'll gladly age them up for any reason, although in some cases , I might decline so I apologize for that.

What Fandom I do

I can do anyone or something. Oh, even manga/manwha/manhua

But the fandom I'm mostly familiar with is:

1. Genshin

2. Obey me

3. Honkai star rail

4. Hazbin hotel

5. Jujutsu kaisen

6. MHA (I'm not actively in it, but I still kinda know most stuff in it, and I'd still do any requests from it).

But again, I can do anything. Well, anything I'm able to do properly.

(Unless you ask me about a character that exists, but I don't know them. Might take a while BUT!! I'll still do it because you guys are my lovely requesters ♡)

What I do not allow

I honestly don't know yet. No one has requested anything I don't allow. (Except for my friends, but I forgot what they said so...)

Warning:

This is an like idk, a blog that has 18+ things. If you don't feel comfortable, I'm sorry. I have some fluff in here, but uh... yeah- anyway, my super close (and some what hºrny) friends have access to my account, so if there's a post about anything weird or something, I swear it's not me. (I hate to admit it, but they're scary, and if you're reading this, my friend, please stay from me. I have holy water, you demonic, spawn of Satan, and uhhhh scary chihuahua lookin thing. <3)

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. . . Anyways I welcome you with open arms.

[kinki-cami]

This post is supposed to be buried deep why tf are people finding it??????

To be fair reblogging it isnt helping but still

Also i know what hdg is supposed to represent: kink, disability, yadda yadda (not trying to be rude just saying etc in the manner of how im trying verbally sound while saying this) and yknow im disabled too not to an extreme but yknow t1d (fuckin sucks ass) then adhd autism which also fuckin sucks but the worst part is infatilization just like "oh you cant do that here lemme do it for you" when yes the fuck i can then they get pissed whn i do it myself, or saying "you know how to do it, everyone does" and then doing it completely wrong and them getting upset. And also with the kink part being "yeah this is cnc thing (with emphasis on the nc)" like yeah i fuckin know but thats not what im tryna get at

Pretty much all the foundation stories (that ive read)/ and a lot of the short stories, especially read on here written by people more knowledgeable about the source are about people who, sometimes drafted sometimes volunteered get florted regardless of if they want it or not and pretty much just, yknow give them some or more of a lobotomy (not that much as they are still usually pretty smart just enough to get a lot of specific thoughts removed) and one of the phrases i hear constantly on hdg tags is "they are inevitable" often (i assume) implying that probably everyone will be domesticated and the thing with that is, assuming that getting drafted to join the terran resistance is inevitable as well, considering that will guarentee you getting domesticated i just like couldnt? Yknow what i mean, its implyed in the extra chapters of the original that a lot of the affini are pretty similar in their goals of any terran in the war will be domesticated, and like im sorry but literally 1 i fuckin couldnt like if it was possible i wouldnt mind being friends with one but every story inevitably ends with the mc being domesticated whether they wanted it or not and pretty much removed of any and all personal choice, which dont get me wrong, with a schedule i could thrive, maybe but i would hate the loss of self expression and 2 fuck i lost my train of thought typing things Fuck. Oh wait. And if they story starts with some independent being pretty good at independance it pretty much comes down to the affini wanting that person as their floret bad enough that they force it upon them which. Like. I wouldnt mind being kidnapped, but only if i was in a place where i hated it and had no escape like usually its with xenodrugs but its also with biorythyms just like "yeahhh if you wanna be an independent but i want you to not be, too fuckin bad you will be my floret" and its just like yeah but i wanna just be able to exist without the harrassment and programming that, whether someone says "ah thats not programming" no if you give someone something to do then make them feel good, you are training that response meaning that pretty much any/everything with xenodrugs that make you happy is just programming and i realize now im just rambling bc i forgot what i was fucking gonna say and am struggling to remember

What im trying to say is if i WERE to live in hdg i would pretty much have to isolate myself so hard that i wouldnt get any interference from either side of the war because one is very much "yeah either way yoy WILL eventually get domesticated" and the other side is just "fuck you" and like i really could just be on my own and if i wasnt harrassed COULD probably just be pretty good on my own for at least a year

But yeah i know this all goes against the whole thing of hdg but like i couldnt fathom having zero control over my life. Which is what i currently have, so if i were to it would pretty much just be worse to my current actual situation where instead of just being isolated, i would be isolated (with only exceptions allowed BY the affini... which literally doesnt change my current situation), drugged to feel good about the situation and then have my personality suppressed which is literally like my creativity is literally my entire personality so having all my decisions made for me would pretty much already kill me so whats the point

Also id like to note that while writing the inital post i was suppressing suicidal thoughts so yknow wasnt thinking straight either anyway going to make this even harder to find and i havent fully researched hdg due to being too depressed to even really get out of my bes the past few days besides like on Saturdays to hopefully go out

Yknow im split again on whether or not i would want the affini to exist

Because honestly, truely, if i could literally just have basically star trek with pretty much infinite ethical food, slay but also if it was just like me and my like 8 neighbors (making 10 total people) i wouldnt mind, like just nature and chilling

Cause lets be honest, if you were sad in any way shape or form, even if its simply "i want to go take a 5 hour walk in a real forest" the affini would probably just be like "oh petal dont be sad" and inject you with (i can never remember the class names but i know what they do so) what is essential dopamine/serotonin, and youre pretty much removed of any individuality which. Suuucks. Especially for someone like myself who pretty much never had an opportunity to fully express myself.

Now dont get me wrong i LOVE identity death BUT i wouldnt wanna be erased, instead id rather just be trapped into a paradise of my own making in my mind. Like. I can look at whats happening to my body, buuutttt for the most part i just get to experience things i wanted to but never had the opportunity to, hell, {in the ben sharpiro talks about banning luigi from ssbu meme voice} lets say, hyypothetically, luigi grabs you- kidding! No lets say this scenario did happen, if the affini in charge of me pretty much told my replacement if any trauma was effecting that paradise to tell them and theyd deal with it, that would be even better bc i think i do have trauma considering every fictional character I've ever made that i would use another character that represented me to talk to, ""my"" ""friends"" (the fictional characters) always resent ""me"" (the character that represents me) in some way always using an annoyed tone

So yknow if i were to just exist as essentially a repressed thing in the back of my mind but i have my own little world i get to interact with back there while physical me is completely otherwise braindead from the affini, then i wouldnt mind, but yeah as it stands, uhh yeah i dont like 24/7 bdsm relationships, i want there to be a seperation between sexual me and normal me, especially since there already is a massive divide in that form, only really noticeable in private vs public and edged vs finished

And otherwise if i was in the hdg world and didnt have that option, you know the moment i was left alone after being captured by an affini and they didnt say that theyd do that, id be dead on the floor, probably crying as i die bc i wouldnt know a very good way to die, bc presumably humanity would have found a cure to diabetes by then, i mean considering it might happen by 2026 uhh i could also just inject myself with a lethal amount of insulin and go peacefully although probably panicked, otherwise, assuming theres no non oxygen, non carbon dioxide gas on the ship, yeah i would probably die a pretty painful yet pretty fast death, crying the whole way there bc fuck if i have to chose to basically watch myself lose myself, death, or trapped in my own mind but i dont know i am i would take option 3... unless thats unavailable, then i would take option 2

Now would they try to keep me alive? Yeah probably but then again you cant really recover a stab to the heart, neck, and lungs, or a hanging, or insulin with about 20 minutes of wait time so yknow

Idfk why im talking about this im depressed as FUCK right now but I'm also being real about if i was in that situation because... yeahhhhh but yeah uhh this is definitely a combo of saying "hey heres my solution!" And "fuck i have horrible thoughts i dont want in my head right now i dont know how to get them out without fucking doing something l Iike fucking finding sone way to cut myself, drink alcohol, or literally have enough fucking energy to get up, which i dont have that energy right now sooo yeah uhh fucking no ones going to read this haha its WAYYYYY too late so like 95% of people who follow me arent online and like , lets be real who the fuck is going to like a post about "oh if i was given the chance to remove all ambitions i had in life to just live in pleasure or do that but its all fake OR kill myself, i would kill myself" like. Thats fucked up. And also now that i think about it its like that comic about the time traveler who goes to the future and is given a choice to continue on her journey or experience eternal pleasure as you hallucinate the things you love and are constantly injected with dopamine and she never leaves and it shows basically everyone doing the same thing sooo uhhh yeah good luck finding THIS post sherlock, i doubt even BATMAN could find this post