#also hopeful open endings i think
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got tagged by @sharpbutsoft for the first lines of the writing patterns, and @jewishrat420 for the last lines of the writing patterns, so just gonna smush them all together here!
(also not gonna tag anyone because, as usual, i've been absent + idk who's done what -- so if you haven't, and you want to, consider you're self tagged!!)
Writing Patterns 🏁
rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there’s a pattern! / list the last line of the same 10 fics you shared opening lines for and see if there's a pattern!
“So, you gonna put out tonight or what?” asked Robin from where she was reclined on his bed, painting her toenails and drinking his pop. // “Yeah,” said Eddie. He kissed him again, even softer, sweeter. “Yeah, a promise.” (the valentine experience)
It started when Eddie said, “Seems kind of like a lot of bullshit that I’m about to die a virgin, man,” and Steve’s brain sort of spun out — because what? How? Eddie? He was a what? — as they sat in the middle of the woods, hotboxing the beemer in the late afternoon of what very well might be the day they died. // Eddie pressed his thumb to the corner of Steve’s mouth, said, “Guess we’d better live then, if we’re gonna go to Nationals or whatever,” and Steve said back, “Cool,” and then, smiling, Eddie replaced his thumb with his mouth. (in the backseat of your (boy)friend's car)
Eddie wakes up to sixty-eight unread text messages in his group chat with the boys. // “I mean,” says Eddie, and rolls him, laughing, over into his sheets for round two. (they're going to send us to prison for jerks)
At this point, Eddie’s life had really just sort of become an Aristotelian confluence of events. // “So gimme a sec, baby, and we’ll see if we can’t get this migraine sorted, okay?” (i give myself to you (as long as we move on the floor))
There’s laughter coming from the living room still as Eddie ushers Steve through the open door with a gentle hand at the small of his back. // For now, Eddie tucks his face into the soft, quiet juncture of Steve’s neck and shoulder, holds him close, and breathes, and it’s enough. It’s perfect. (your house is waiting)
On July Fifth — though she learns that after — Heather wakes up in a hospital bed. // “Yeah,” she says, and she means it. “I think we did.” (saint of ongoingness)
Hop buys a house in the Berkshires, after. // He thinks he’s going to like him. (these traces of available light)
November 1st, 1986 | Eddie, Well, man, you fuckin called it: fully got “gang-pressed” or whatever into hosting a Halloween party for the twerps last night. // “Well,” he repeats, the sun on his skin, the future like the ocean stretching out before them, way out and past the horizon. “Here’s to firsts then.” (scheming on a thing)
Ever since they walked out of Hawkins Middle for the last time in June, Lucas has been thinking about what high school is going to be like. // Maybe Max will show up for it, if he asks, he thinks. Maybe they all will. (zen, and the art of three point throws)
Getting shot, Eddie thinks, sucks balls, and not in the fun way. // With his hand still on his wrist, and Steve’s smile small and warm across from him, he’s kind of leaning towards a happy ending. Why not hope for the best for once? (three inches above the floor)
#fic#stranger things#tag games#first lines#last lines#apparently i like some in medias res#and ending on some dialogue#also hopeful open endings i think
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Yooooooo, you write fan fictions, don't you? Halloween is, like, right over there *points*. would you be willing to do one of mhin taking sparrow ghost hunting? and maybe even having a "guest appearance" of a certain shadow manipulator?
if this has already been done, could you point me in the right direction?
thank you~
I've never seen a fic like that but omg. This is such a brilliant idea, I love how all the pieces come together so perfectly–Vere being said to be responsible for his fair share of local ghost stories, mentions of Mhin and haunted houses in the Uquiz results… Premium thoughts. I had a lot of fun writing this, ty for giving me the prompt!! :>
It took a couple of extra days but it's also longer (~2900 words) so hopefully that makes up for it. p.s sorry if u meant it to be more gen bc I wrote romantic pining lol Volume Warning! Ambiance (~BEAUTIFUL FOX NOISES) for y'all /j
Cold Spots
You pull your cloak tighter around yourself, sheltering your remaining body heat from the howling wind.
You ignore the shiver that creeps down your spine.
You’ve been warned that the night is chilly in Eridia at this time of year, but you haven’t quite scraped together enough coin to afford more layers. So you huddle closer to the swaying lamplight of the Wet Wick, attempting to leech warmth from the cheery (if occasionally overwhelming) atmosphere of the bar. You’re on edge, wary about straying too far from the Wick’s affable open doors and the balmy light spilling out of them.
You crane your neck to peer as far as you can around the corner without moving, eyeing the myriad of nearby alleyways, all full to the brim with shadows, searching for a familiar splash of moonlight and blue sweeping through the night.
That’s when you feel eyes on your back.
You freeze, all of your senses on high alert.
“You’re where I asked you to be.” Mhin says in lieu of a greeting. You startle, reeling around to face them. Even when you're expecting them, they have the uncanny ability of sneaking up on you.
“You say that like you’re surprised.” You chide, in mock affront. “You’ll notice that I’m also on time.” Your giddiness shows on your face, a smile tugging at your lips.
“Don’t act so pleased with yourself,” they snipe while rolling their eyes, “for anyone else, that’s the bare minimum.” They frown, looking you up and down with their arms tightly crossed. “...Is that what you’re wearing?”
Any further quips you have for them die in your mouth, drowned out by nervous chuckling. You realize they must be asking (in their own way) if you’re not going to get too cold. You know you could just ask Leander or Kuras for some seasonally appropriate attire but you’d rather not rely on further charity if you can’t help it. Hence: “I’m, um, warm blooded?” You mean to inject an appropriate amount of bravado into your voice, but it comes out as more of a question.
Mhin sighs, long eyelashes brushing their cheeks as they close their eyes for one long moment. “Sometimes I wonder… Fine. Let’s just get going.”
The floorboards shriek beneath your feet as you step across the threshold. The entire shack seems to groan and sway, protesting audibly against the wind. You stick close to Mhin’s back as they hold their gas lamp up, casting an eerie glow about the interior of the abandoned building. Their keen eyes do a quick sweep before they nod decisively and usher you inside with a single precise motion.
The bellow of the wind sounds almost like a scream as the door shuts behind you.
“So, what are we looking for, exactly?” Your voice comes out hushed, the haunting atmosphere insisting that you behave accordingly.
“Likely nothing.” Mhin responds. “Actual ghost sightings are very rare. And of those, few recorded instances come from trustworthy sources. People in Eridia can be quite superstitious. Count on rats or other pests. It’s more plausible that this is a mere infestation rather than–”
The roof above your heads gives a long, low creeaaaak.
You both pause for a beat, listening to silence.
“How would we know if it's a real ghost?” You ask, more out of curiosity than anything. You’re not about to waste the opportunity, if Mhin is willing to keep talking.
“Depends on the type of ghost.” Another protest from the floorboards as Mhin wanders further into the dark. Since you don’t have a lantern of your own, you have no choice but to follow close behind. Unless you want to stumble around with nothing but the shatters of dusty moonlight cast through the cracked windows to guide your way.
Mhin and you make a quick round of the small building, finding it mostly empty, only a few pieces of broken furniture left behind. You draw closer to the back wall, carefully avoiding moth-eaten curtains, heeding Mhin’s warning about a small step. Based on the layout, you think this place might have been a bar or entertainment hall of some sort. You imagine it had a nice, cozy parlor at one time, though now it’s fallen into squalor. As Mhin examines the walls for signs of pests and other clues, you examine the graffiti strewn across them: crude jokes and lewd drawings, mostly. Some scattered names, belonging to people and gangs you’ve never heard of before.
Framed in the center, though, there's a huge riot of colorful paint. An abstract painting with no proper canvas. It's beautiful, somehow, though hauntingly morose. The artist has contained their work in a neat square, not a single streak of color escaping the precisely imposed prison. You’re not sure what the intent of the artist was choosing somewhere like this to display it…
“Is there a type of ghost that makes artwork?” You wonder aloud. You almost wish that Mhin would hand you the lantern so you can get a better look.
Mhin clicks their tongue, sparing barely a glance toward the makeshift painting. “I wouldn't define that as art.” Mhin follows the line of the wall to the corner, their lantern held up to the wall. “That’s just…paint. If you’re looking for ghosts, try looking for scratch marks. Those are a possible indicator, though not always a reliable one. A sudden feeling of hot, or cold–any otherwise unexplainable temperature change. A strange odor…”
You give the air a sniff. “...I don’t smell anything. Do you?”
“Dust. Rotting wood. And you’ve stopped using Leander’s bath soaps, which I’ll commend you for. Why anybody would want to smell that strongly of–” Mhin stops and gives a short whiff, their mouth slightly parted. Their brows furrow. “It is unusual…I don't see or smell any signs of rats or roaches. No vultures either…”
“Maybe something else scared them away?” You posit. You shuffle closer to Mhin, not liking the way the shadows around you seem to flow and ebb the longer you look at them, your mind making up shapes. There’s a silly part of you that wants to feel Mhin’s cloak between your bandaged fingers as reassurance that they’ll stay close. They’d probably hate to know that you see them as something to cling to–a source of comfort, safety.
You try to take another step closer to further dampen your trepidation, but instead you trip over– something–and stumble directly into Mhin. They catch you on impulse, strong and quick enough to steady you with one arm while holding the lantern with the other. You breathe an apology, your lips bumping against their chin as they help you get your feet back under you.
You both search the ground to determine what knocked you off your balance.
It's a dirty old rug, rucked up at one edge.
A long line of what appears to be claw marks lies half uncovered below it. Mhin kneels beside the marks, studying them intently, carefully moving the rug to reveal yet more splintered wood. “I’m not sure what could have done this,” they admit. “The marks are fresh, but none of the dust was disrupted…”
The floorboards groan another protest, though it bounds off the walls in strange ways, making it difficult to pinpoint exactly where the sound originated.
“Aural contortions.” Mhin announces. “And a feeling that you’re being watched. Reflective surfaces will behave oddly as well. Hold this.” Mhin hands you the lantern (more: shoves it into your grasp, really) reaching into their satchel. Their nimble hands pull out a handful of alchemical concoctions, one which shines like the inside of a seashell, a tiny silver locket, which they flick open to reveal a small mirror. There’s symbols etched into it, so old and worn away you can’t make them out.
You draw the lantern closer at their behest, illuminating a small smile spread across their face.
Is Mhin …Having fun?
“Is there anything I can do to help?” You ask, hoping they don’t notice the warmth in your voice. Getting scolded would kind of ruin the mood.
Mhin glances up, blinking at you like they almost forgot you were there. Their tongue peeks out, wetting their lips as they consider. “Yes,” they finally agree, “would you–”
The lamplight is smothered by an unknown force.
The cracked streams of light from the window are gone, leaving you in darkness.
Mhin swears, their voice distorting as if they are suddenly very far away. A moment ago they were crouched beside you, but the shadows surrounding you are so inky you can’t make out their silhouette at all. Instinctively, you reach your hands out in front of you before freezing and reluctantly forcing them back down. If both you and Mhin end up stumbling around with hands outstretched, there’s a possibility that they might accidentally grasp onto you and disrupt your bandages. (You wish you had given into your desire to hold onto them earlier.)
You whisper their name, frantic, hoping they can hear you.
“I’m here,” Mhin assures you, their voice pitched low and cautious. You feel the gentle press of a foot against yours, a light tap of reassurance against the side of your sole. “Stay close.” There’s a brush of fingertips against your back. “If the entity is particularly powerful, it will be able to move objects,” Mhin cautions, “but a ghost should never be capable of causing harm to humans directly. And there’s not much in here that it could throw. Just stay calm. If you don’t keep your emotions in check, it will only be more incensed.”
Light flashes through the room again in a spotlight, guiding your gaze to a particular area of the building.
The abstract mural is defaced, dripping black liquid splattered boldly across the wall like arterial spray. You retreat a step, feeling something wet beneath your feet. There’s a sharp, astringent tang in the air. Musty and earthy-floral. Old velvet and leather, parchment and fresh paint.
You realize, with a sinking feeling of cold terror, that the black ichor on the wall spells your name.
Eyes on you.
Touch like a gossamer spider web. Brushing against the nape of your neck.
“Mhin,” you whisper urgently. “Something just–”
The cold hits you then. Bone deep and all consuming. Judging by the way Mhin swears, they must feel it too. Whatever this unknown entity is, it’s close. And it wants…
Shadow flickers, fingers reaching for you, claws grasping, white glint of teeth.
Mhin sneers audibly, reaching for you and reeling you in by your cloak just before the figure can snatch you up. Their arm wraps around you, guiding you with them as they recede. They sweep their stiletto in a wide arc and you hear the clang of metal on metal, though you have no idea what it was that Mhin hit. Their night vision must be immaculate–you can hardly see more than the fresh glint of their stiletto blade.
“Turns out it is a vermin infestation.”
A bark of laughter.
Very familiar laughter.
The door starts to rattle on its hinges, moving to the rhythm of Vere's glee. Mhin walks over to it, dragging your shaking body with them. With a definitive kick from Mhin and a final cackle from Vere, the door bursts open.
Mhin tugs you out into the open air and slams it behind them.
“Awful fur-bag.” Mhin spits the words out like the mere thought of Vere leaves a bad taste in their mouth.
You’re far enough away that the black paint clinging to both of your shoes is no longer leaving footprints, but you can’t say the same about the bone deep cold.
You’re shivering so hard your teeth start to chatter, adrenaline magnifying the chill in your bones. How did Vere even do that? You rub your arms and nearly stumble into Mhin in the process. Their features twist into a half-formed scowl, eyes sweeping you before softening into something more delicate.
You find yourself staring into eyes that seem to catch the moonlight, words caught in your throat.
“You’re freezing.” Mhin murmurs, resting a hand against the curve of your cheek, testing your temperature.
You’re surprised at the contact. Mhin is always so careful about touching you–it’s something you appreciate, usually, this unspoken agreement between the two of you; Mhin doesn’t ask intrusive questions, just makes silent hypotheses and treats your personal space with care. You appreciate it–usually–but sometimes, (constantly), you wish…
Mhin’s thumb pets against your jaw. They glace away from you as they do, unable to hold your gaze, but they don’t remove their hand, even as the moment hangs heavy in the air. Their hand is soft, you think, fingertips like silk, though you can feel the thick calluses built up at the meat of their palm. Likely hard won and harder lost, trophies from their time as a freelancer and whatever secret misfortune befell them what led them to Eridia. Unthinking, you nuzzle into their touch, luxuriating in the coveted feeling of skin on skin. You have half a mind to turn your head, press your lips against their calluses, kiss them like you’re drawing poison from a wound.
Mhin catches your chin between their thumb and pointer finger. Their grip is assertive, certain. You’d worry that you’ve angered them somehow, but the intensity of their gaze, the subtle tilt of their head, the flush of their cheeks, the featherlight caress of their breath on your lips…
–You think they might–
They back away abruptly in one smooth stride. Their hands work quickly at the intricate clasp on their cloak. Oh, now they’re really looking away.
“Wear this while we head back. You didn’t come to this city to die of cold.”
They look at their bracers pointedly as you hesitate, as if itching to adjust them. You slowly reach out and put the garment on.
The trek back to the Wick is uneventful. The occasional star glances out from the pall of clouds constantly lingering in the Eridian sky. You look for the waning moon, finding its reticent light and following it home. You return Mhin’s cloak at the door, careful to hold it in a way that allows them to take it without having to touch you – touch your bandages.
Mhin looks, oddly, a little reluctant to see it returned. You’re not sure how else you can possibly read their body language. Their hunched shoulders, the downturn of their mouth, their uncharacteristic lingering. Holding the cloak in their hands like they can’t quite decide what to think of it.
They let out a sharp breath.
Mhin levels you with a pointed glare as they settle their mantle across their shoulders, affixing the clasp without need to look down. “Buy some warmer clothes.” they order, “Tell Leander that the contract is complete and the buyer’s ‘ghost problem’ is solved. The building should be fine for renovations, just tell them to start their renewal project on a day when the Senobium is actually holding Vere’s leash.”
“You’ll come back for your cut tomorrow…?” Confusion rolls off your lips.
“No.” Mhin crosses their arms again. “I just told you to buy some warmer clothes, didn’t I? Consider it hazard pay.” Again, that disgusted tone Mhin reserves for Vere. “Even with that taken into consideration, you’ll still owe me, though. Don’t forget. I’ll collect some day; everyone does in this city.”
You’re not sure what to say. Mhin is insisting that this is just a loan, and you believe that wholeheartedly. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t charity. Mhin’s also offering you transparency–an open disclosure of the deal you’re agreeing to. You take their cut, buy what you need, and resolve to pay it back when you can. And if Mhin needs something similar in the future, you’ll return them in kind.
You think you stumble over your words a little, but you agree to their offer.
“I’ll be back to collect another contract. Hopefully something that’s not a waste of my time.”
And a promise to come back is a promise to see you again, isn’t it? To include you in their life? Is that what you’re supposed to take from this? That Mhin cares for you, even if they won’t–
Or is it your foolish heart, showing you a path that isn’t really there?
“Goodnight, Mhin.” You say the words, but their back is already turned, steps already taken.
✦ EXTENDED ENDING...? ✦
You putter around in your room at the Wet Wick as you go about your nightly routine. The occasional cheer or thud from below only accentuates your nervous energy, punctuating your reluctance to settle down and get into bed. You smooth the covers with your bandaged hands and fluff the pillow before extinguishing the lamplight. You tug the bedding up above your shoulders, fighting to get comfortable. As your eyelids finally start to droop, the flicker of a shadow catches your attention. It dances and sways and bends and grows until suddenly it is right in front of you. On top of you. Silken, blood red drips down onto your face, a knife gleam smile too close for comfort. You breathe in a gasp, wondering if you should scream. “Vere, what–” “Shhh,” he coos, pressing a finger lightly to your lips. His breath is hot against your skin. “I only came to keep you warm, pet.”
✦Heat Signature (Vere Continuation) ->
#Mhin is an ABSTRACT ART HATER that is my headcanon looll#WHEEEE HAPPY SCARY SEASON!! I HOPE U LIKED I HOPE U HAD FUN#you get to choose if sparrow screams and vere lols and says peace out i’ve had my fun orrrr#it’s an open ending :)#Wow Vere u ruined date night#ummm Sparrow Mhin is not only careful about touching you for your own benefit#Mhin is also. White knuckling their self control.#If they let themself touch even a little…they might just want to touch a lot#this whole thing is just: how many tropes can I pack into here?#ya’ll think ghosts are real in TS universe??#wouldn’t that be interesting… >:3#ALSO THE EXTENDED ENDING IS ME PLAYING WITH THAT HORROR MOVIE TROPE WHERE THE CREATURE ETC ALWAYS COMES BACK AT THE END#Mhin x reader#surprise! vere x reader - just a smidge??#Touchstarved Game#Touchstarved game fanfic#mhin touchstarved#toxintouch: {pick} prompt {your poison}#that’s a stupid long tag but i think it’s funny tbh so i’m#toxintouch writing
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"And soda; runs off into the street..." "...and soda... is totally okay!"
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#cw blood#something something cracking open a boy w the cold ones#IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES I MISSED I SWWWEAR TO JEBEDIAH. IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA DIE IT NEEDS TO BE DONE#ALSO RRRAAAHAHHHGHGH CAN I JUST TAKEA SECOND TO SCREEAAMM ABT HOW MUCH I LOVE SODA AND EMIZEL.. LIKE THERYE SO CUTE....#THEY ARE HOMIES THAT KISS EACHOTHR GOODNIGHT. THEY CARE SO MUCH FOR EACHOTHER. SODA LOVES SODA AND SODA LOVES YOU#do u guys remember how willing he was to share blood w his vampire bestie. like cmon. remember when emizel memorized sodas Soda Schedule.#LIKE CMON.... they just have eachothers backs so much. ouhhh my god... ANYWAY SO THE ART HUH. I FEEL LIKE I SCRAMBLED W IT FOR A WHILE#DRAWIN IS HARD..... i think i did well in the end tho.. i like the lil heart beat effects. and i hope i made soda look Suffieciently Scared#i ALSO had fun w the teeth. i however did not have fun w the walls. if i had more drugs i mightve done every brick in more detail#but i didnt WANNA!!!! this will suffice.I HOPE IT FLOWS WELL&THAT ITS CLEAR... IVE STARED AT IT SO LONG IT IS NOW VISUAL SOUP. HELP!!!#i want my comics to have more Pauses and Space and Thought and Momence. i feel like normally they go so fast. but THIS time#i think i did good.... huuoouhhhh.... comics are HARD art is HARD but i am HARDER. or something. OH YEAH I HAVE MORE ART THINGS#soda was RLY HARD FOR ME TO DRAW FOR A MINUTE..but i like where his design is now. i wanted his hair to be curly swirly.like soda fizz#i THINK thats all my thoughts for now. if u have thoughts u should spill them in the tags i looooove reading tttaaggsss#have a goodnight i gotta go to work soon. maybe. unless the casinos power goes out AGAIN. OR SEOMTHING... UUGHHH MY SCHEDULE IS IN SHAMBLES#I THOUGHT I WAS WORKIN 3 DAYS INA ROW SO I RENTED A WHOLE DAMN HOTEL BC THE JOB PLACE IS FAR AWAY.. I HAD TO CANCEL THE WHOLE RESERVATOn#annd im MMMMAD ABOUT IT!!! like ill get over it ofc BUT IM PEEVED!!!! IM INCONVIENIENCED AND GENTLY AGGRIVATED. BUT OVERALL FINE.#hope yalls weekend goes well. sleep well. if u get the chance to.
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Is Wirt is still there? Or it's the best talking?
[Day 5]
#bad end friends#beast!wirt#beast wirt#bef#bef wirt#over the garden wall#art#artists on tumblr#otgw#otgw wirt#comic#i never do comics i hope yall like it :]#ask#asks#ask box open#ask box#please send asks even if you think theyre stupid I LOVE EM#oh yea also#attempt at horror :D#i understand everyones interpretation of beast wirt is different#so i hope yall dont mind my own twist on how the unknown works#beast otgw#otgw beast
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i said this all in the tags of abigail’s post, but it was so long that i’m putting it in its own post
i completely understand where this breakup came from, and i am not upset with either of the characters involved in it. i appreciate the slight insight it gives into tommy’s lived experiences and his expectations, as well as the deep seated loneliness that he has alluded to in nearly every episode he has been in. the longing and the hope for connection and family and stability.
so yes, the breakup feels a bit self-sacrificial and self-destructive because he’s doing it now in an effort to protect his own heart. he thinks breaking things off now and dealing with that heartache now would be easier than waiting for it to ‘inevitably’ happen later when he is even more invested. and that makes sense!!! it does not come across, to me, as out of character at all. josh’s great speech even highlighted the scars that come along with queer people’s struggles (pre-glee) with themselves and with their relationships. there are so many experiences that could’ve left tommy scarred that would lead to this feeling that he cannot be buck’s last relationship. so this breakup, while it hurts, makes sense based on tommy’s reasonings, experiences, and conclusions he has come to.
but he also deserves for someone to prove him wrong.
my struggle with this breakup comes from the finality of the post-ep interviews. without the interviews, as a viewer who just saw the episode and is waiting for the next ones to come out without knowing any bts stuff or reading any articles, this would feel like a great path forward for buck to learn what he wants and to go for it — to fight for it.
buck discovering his bisexuality and being in a relationship with a man was never going to automatically solve all of buck’s issues with himself and with relationships, and specifically his place in relationships. but for the past 13 (?) episodes we have seen buck become more secure with himself and his space — the loft has had so many homey and cosy little decor changes, and it has been so interesting to see him feel more comfortable while making his place more comfortable. all of that makes the breakup feel sudden and unexpected, but that was the point. tommy surprised himself too, he even said so. they both felt comfortable and happy, but they also both have their own hangups. but also, they both actually want the same things. they both want love, stability, and mutual care, respect, and understanding. tommy thinks that buck will inevitably, accidentally, not maliciously, break his heart. and tommy does not think he can handle that, which i understand. buck has the opportunity to prove him wrong. but it seems (from interviews) that this is the last we will be seeing of tommy and their relationship.
now to take all of that, and have his next step be to just let this relationship go completely as he uses his old (self admitted) unhealthy coping strategies could be an interesting narrative arc to go down, but, for me, it would really only be worth it if he recognizes this old behavior coming back again, understanding where it’s coming from, and finds security in understanding what he wants. i want buck to feel happy, secure, safe, and loved. no matter who that is with — be it tommy, eddie, or some other person he happens to meet later. no matter who he is with, he is bisexual, and i will always be thankful that we have had this journey of self-discovery with him (which i hope we will continue to see ore development of — would also love if they would actually use the word ‘bisexual’ on the show). buck deserves to have growth and stability within himself and in his relationships, which is very clearly something he wants. he deserves to have that after eight seasons.
at the end of the day though, i will still feel upset for this end to tommy’s story, because he also deserves to feel happy, secure, safe, and loved. i hope he gets that one day. for now, that is what fan works are for.
#i simply think this breakup would be such a good springboard into a more solid foundation for buck and tommy if they made up and#and! had these open and honest conversations about their experiences and feelings and expectations#but if that is not where they go with it then i hope it is a satisfying arc anyway#also buddie give me solid best friend vibes. and that’s not a bad thing at all. but without chris there it feels very much akin to the#dynamic that hen and chimney have. which again is not a bad thing#i just don’t see them as a romantic pairing anymore#but!!! that can probably be changed for me if that is actually the route they end up taking. i just don’t personally think that’s where#they’re going at the moment. but i mean what do i know#bucktommy#tommy kinard#evan buckley#911
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I'm glad you're evil too - Pinocchio-P
#end roll#russell seager#chris (end roll)#chrissell#my art#LONG TIME NO CHRISSELL#not for lack of trying bc holy frick this took FOREVER to do#it is !!! the first pic in my plans to illustrate a questionably large portion of the playlist i'm making for them. SWEATS#(which i'll def share too once i'm satisfied enough)#been really hyped for just about all of them coming after this tho so i hope it goes well 😳#i have uhhh over 10 thumbnails done already i think#everything else was more easily inspired and should be a lot more approachable#so look forward to more of that hopefully more quickly than this took WHEEZE#i just upgraded to csp v3 so i can now say with tangibility that i spent over 20 hours 'finishing up' alone sob#just REALLY wanted to get it done first bc it's def the best opener#also gonna confess that i stole this particular song association from someone else associating it w them already#i've known of the song for a long time but had never listened to it super closely before
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tease tidbit tuesday/wip wednesday
tagged by @thewolvesof1998 @theotherbuckley @tizniz @diazsdimples @dangerpronebuddie @spotsandsocks @exhuastedpigeon @underwaterninja13 - tagging y'all back for wip wednesday 💖💖
doing two in one bc it's technically wednesday already idc lol - started a new wip I mentioned before (inspired by this video lol) and rn I'm rewriting what I wrote yesterday bc the past two days words were not wording and I hated everything I wrote, but I think I'm happy with it now haha I hope I'll manage to write it like I want to bc it's sooo good in my head istg haha
(wasn't gonna post until i have more but i need validation before i drive myself crazy over this lol)
___
It started as a random idea, more like a throwaway thought, really. Tommy was just checking the weather for the next few days – his hot pilot boyfriend always likes to be prepared – while they were hanging out, and he casually mentioned that “it’s gonna be nice on Saturday, perfect barbecue weather,” which got Buck to mention how they often have family barbecues at Bobby and Athena’s. Somehow, the conversation spiraled, and Buck’s not sure who threw out a more concrete idea, but here they are now, standing side by side in Tommy’s kitchen, preparing food – Buck’s currently slicing veggies for a salad, while Tommy takes care of the meat – for the barbecue where they invited way too many people than Tommy’s backyard can probably fit. It really is nice weather, the sliding door leading from the kitchen to the backyard open and letting in warm sunshine and a soft breeze that makes the air feel cooler. They work in pleasant silence, the only sound is quiet music playing from the speaker, and Buck can’t help a fond smile when he hears his boyfriend hum along, so off-key Buck’s not sure he even knows the song, but it’s still adorable.
The silence is disrupted by the doorbell ringing, and before Tommy can even move, Buck is dropping the knife on the cutting board, wiping his hands, and sprinting towards the door, shouting an “I got it!” over his shoulder. He’s followed by an echo of Tommy’s fondly amused chuckles. So he’s a little excited, sue him – they haven’t had a family day like this in a while, and there was only one he brought Tommy to, all of their schedules not so easy to align. And today his whole family will be here, including their spouses and children, and Tommy invited a couple of his friends and their families, too, and it’ll be just a big, loud, chaotic get-together that he’s hosting with his boyfriend. Buck never hosted one of these before, and he’s really enjoying it so far, and he just wants everyone to have fun.
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no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @thebravebitch @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @watchyourbuck
@eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life
@diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @monsterrae1 @weewootruck @loveyouanyway
@spagheddiediaz @rainbow-nerdss @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove
@nmcggg @rogerzsteven @hippolotamus @bidisasterevankinard @giddyupbuck
@sunshinediaz @honestlydarkprincess @911-on-abc @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings
@buddieswhvre @fortheloveofbuddie @your-catfish-friend
@daffi-990 @hoodie-buck @aroeddiediaz
#tease tidbit tuesday#wip wednesday#wikiangela writes#bucktommy fic#fic snippet#my writing#my wips#911 fic#911 abc#bucktommy#tommy kinard#evan buckley#buck x tommy#bucktommy wip#fireflight#firepilot#tevan#bucktommy barbecue fic#the beginning was fighting me for two days but I think (hope) I got it now#pls tell me it's okay bc the first version was *rough* lol#istg i spent like an hour today on the opening sentence and then ended up writing something totally different#this fic will be pure fluff bucktommy + 118 family feels bc buck wants his bf to hang out with his fam#im also giving tommy some friends from work (and having way too much trouble making up names lmao)#(also lots of tommy with kids bc that'd be adorable and he gives me the vibe of the kind of person kids are just drawn to lol)#idk we'll see how it works out haha
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honestly here for gay francesca/Michaela and very much here for bi Benedict but are you telling me they're gonna completely ignore raging resident lesbian eloise!?!?!
I didnt read the books (bc I don't care to) but I heard eloise's story has her being pen pals with the love interest? so how's about, and walk with me here, since she's in Scotland and everyone's favourite repressed mean lesbian cressida is in Wales, they start a correspondence, first patching things up and eventually getting to scissor?
#i havent lost hope btw lmao imma stay in delulu land with my girls#BUT#i do think s3 left things kinda open ended with creloise#also im seeing people say that only 2 of the siblings are queer but whats stopping shonda from making a third one? lmao#like out of EIGHT children surely 3 can be fruity#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#creloise
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[PUT INTO PLACE, TIED DOWN AND ARRANGED, AND IS NEVER THE SAME, AGAIN.]<-listen to my favorite songs. VAMPIRES ARE WONDERFUL ARENT THEY. THE FLESH IS SO MUCH MORE DURABLE. SO MUCH STRETCHIER THAN HUMANS. THE STRESS DOESNT KILL A VAMPIRE THE SAME WAY IT DOES A HUMAN. YOU CAN TAKE THEM APART THREAD BY THREAD AND LEAVE THEM WIDE AWAKE WITHOUT WORRY OF THE BRAINMATTER SPOILING UNDER VINEGARY AGONY.
#cw gore#WEEEE WHIPPING OUT ALL MY BELOVED PIXEL HORROR GAME SOUNDTRACKS FOR THIS ONE#STILL A WIP#SORTA. FORKSFORKSFORKS INSPIRED ME TO START WORKIN AT IT AGAIN. AND NOW IT LIVES. IT LIIIVEESS!!!#MOSLT.Y ATLEAST. I MIGHT MESS W IT MORE LATER. WE SHALL SEE. ANYWAY GABRIEL MONTEZ HUH. WOW POOR GUY#THERES A FASCINATING FEELING THAT COMES WITH BEING ON A OPERATING TABLE.AND BEING IN IMMENSE PAIN#ONE OF MY FONDEST MEMORIES IS LAYING ON A DENTIST CHAIR. SHAKING AND INVOLUNTARILY CRYING AFTER MANY MANY#NEEDLES TO MY THE MOUTH. I METABOLIZE THE NUMBING STUFF QUICKLY APPARENTLY. THEY NEEDED ALOT OF NUMBING SHOTS#BUT I WASNT AFRAID OR DISTRESSED. THE DENTIST WAS VERYVERY NICE AND ALSO UH. PRETTY. BUT THATS BESIDE THE POINT#THE POINT IS. THAT IT WAS FASCINATING TO REALIZE MY PHYSICAL RESPONSE TO PAIN UNDER A CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT#I DIDNT KNOW HOW EASY IT WAS TO SHAKE AND TO CRY PRYVIOUS TO THAT EXPERIENCE.MY DENTAL ADVENTURES CONTINUE#THEY CONTINUE TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE FOR PAIN TO BOIL AWAY THE TIME. TO DISTORT THE PASSING HOURS AND CONSUME EVERY THOUGHT#DO YOU REMEMBER PAIN? THE MOST SEVERE PAIN IN YOUR LIFE? NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE RED LIGHTS? RED LIGHTS AND SHIFTING FIGURES#NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE PAIN UNRELENTING.PAIN WORLD SHATTERING.PAIN IMMORTAL.CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING PULLED APART#THE HUMAN MIND CAN ONLY WITHSTAND SO MUCH PAIN BEFORE IT SHUTS DOWN AND HIDES.IT NEEDS TO PROTECT ITSELF AFTERALL. PAIN CAN ALTER#PAIN SHIFTS THE CHEMISTY OF THE MIND OF THE FLESH OF THE SOUL. FOR HUMANS ATLEAST. BUT YOU ARE NO LONGER HUMAN#YOU CHOSE OTHERWISE DIDNT YOU BOY.BECAUSE YOU WANTED MORE.STATUS.POWER.APPROVAL.SECURITY.SAFET.Y.#OHHH YOU CAN WITHSTAND THE PAIN FOR THAT. FOR ALL THAT. YOU WERENT TOLD THERE WOULD BE PAIN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE PROMISED.#ITS ALL WORTH IT IN THE END. NOW LETS JUST HOPE SOME BLONDE TWERP DOESNT PROVE TO BE STRONGER THAN THE STRONGEST PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE#LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. I LOST MY TRAIN O THOUGHT#anyway dawww poorr gabeee that shit probably huuurrrrtttss but so much time has passed that your body got tired of screaming and squirming#why havnt you passed out yet? maybe you might as well have at this point. like sleeping with your eyes open and your nerves awake#OH HEY FUNFACT ABT THE ART. I FOUGHT W IT ALOT. TOOK A LONG WHILE FOR ME TO BE REMOTELY HAPPY W THIS.#i was thinking abt pixel horror video games when i made it.just as i do with all great things ofc ofc#i love you pixel horror game i love yooouuuuu.i struggled so much w the colors for so LONNGG UHGHGHGH but im finally happy...im finally fre
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a loose thread on a jumper sleeve, for the fic prompts
hand picked this ship just for you <3 hope I somewhat did it justice
Max tugs on the jumper, seeking comfort more than warmth, before curling up on the couch, unlocking his phone before giving up looking for something to watch or someone to talk to even before starting the search.
He knows who he wants to see, but he also knows that he's going to have to wait a little longer before GP gets out of his last meeting and gets home.
Max sighs, unlocking his phone and locking it again. His eyes feel dry and scratchy from the long hours spent on the sim, driving the same track over and over, looking at the data and running it back.
He doesn't think that he's ever felt this discouraged before in his whole racing career.
Before becoming a world champion, he always had that objective to look forward to, everything he had been working for his whole life, and the two years after that had been a dream, wins and records making every obstacle look like nothing more than a speed bump.
But now. Now it is hard.
It isn't only not winning, even if he isn't very fond of that either, it is everything else. The unbalanced car, the team not listening to him, the people leaving, the tension at the top that sometimes manages to bleed even into his relationship with GP. It is a lot and it is exhausting and he hates it.
He closes his eyes, letting his head drop against the back of the couch, fingers fiddling with a loose thread on the jumper's sleeve.
He doesn't really fall asleep, but he lets himself drift off, brain blissfully empty for what feels like the first time in days, until he hears the lock click and the door open.
He doesn't open his eyes as he listens to the sounds of a jacket being hung up, shoes being put away, keys being dropped in the little ceramic holder at the entrance that Max always forgets the existence of.
Then there are steps on the carpet, and finally the couch dips, a warm hand wrapping around Max's ankle.
"Are you okay?" GP asks, voice quiet, but not a whisper.
Max doesn't know how GP is always able to tell when he's awake or asleep, but he knows there's no point in faking.
He cracks an eye open, nodding wearily, not really feeling like talking after such a busy day. GP seems to understand that too, because he doesn't force him to answer verbally, raising his arm in invitation instead.
Max shifts around until he can tuck himself under it, throwing his legs over GP's lap and laying his cheek against his shoulder with a sigh.
"I saw your data before leaving," GP tells him, voice rumbling pleasantly under Max's ear. "You did good work today."
The praise does a better job at warming Max up than the jumper had, but he still shrugs, awkward from where he's trapped against GP's body.
"It's still shit," he mumbles. He doesn't like complaining like this, when it's not productive, but he knows that this is the only space where he's safe to do so, where he can allow himself to mope around a little and not be judged for it.
"We'll fix it," GP says, as confident as when they're on the radio. It makes it easier to believe, when it's said in the same tone Max has trained himself to not doubt for years. Sadly, he's never managed to fully do it.
He shrugs again, not really feeling like being positive at the moment. He wants to be held and to mope, and then tomorrow he'll get back to work, and the day after, and the one after that, until things will be better or something will break.
But not tonight. Tonight is for curling up tighter, fingers twisting the loose thread again, and letting GP kiss his hair with a sigh.
They stay like that for a while, listening to the ticking of GP's watch, until Max uncurls slightly, picking his head up from GP's chest to be able to look at his face.
"What's for dinner?"
It's a clear request to move forward, move away from racing for once, instead of towards it, and it's no surprise when GP accepts it, picking up his phone to let Max order take-out.
That in itself is a sign that Max isn't the only one feeling bone tired tonight, but they both manage to pick their energy up a little, bickering over restaurants and meal plans, and then over what to put on the tv, and then over who should go to the door to get the food.
Unsurprisingly, again, Max is the one who finds himself standing up with a grumble.
"If this is what I get for being in your lap, I hope you know I'll never do it again," he says, stomping towards the entrance.
"Yes you will," GP calls back, clearly smiling, "and don't think I haven't noticed that you're wearing my jumper!"
"No, I'm not!" Max is, but he is not letting GP win that too.
And if he brings it up to his nose to smell their combined scents and hide his smile, then at least nobody can see him.
#my writing#i dont remember what my max/gp tag is#max/gp#i think?#the ending is shit yes i know my brain is starting to go off the 'i slept too little and too badly' cliff#i hope it's still okay <3#and as usual if there are typos no there are not#also i've had your fic open and i've reread it multiple times to try and get in the gp voice but idk how i did
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LOOK AT WHO'S BEING PRODUCED!!
I'M SO EXITED YA ALL, this is the only good thing that's happening right now. asbdhahcfiaqsejak
Anyway, they'll be soon be avaiable as clear stickers and keychains on my brand new ko-fi account!
be ready :DDDD
#pàohieògfHJOWHBòDFHJOSKE#I want my own keychain too so I'll keep one to myself lol#also they are being produced but I think they'll arrive at the end of this moth or the beginning of october#I HOPE they arrive earlier because I have a con to attend to and I wanna sell them there too#uadheidaofahda#I sure hope it doesn't happen what happened last time#anyway mark this#because I didn't order a lot of them#just 10 for now and then if everything goes well I'm gonna open presales#eclipse#fnaf#fnaf ruin#fnaf sb ruin#sundrop#moondrop#bilolli's art
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On the Mound (a zine about pitchers and pitching)
a collection of three poems about pitching alongside various images
full zine available to read on ao3 (archive locked) and to download and print here (dropbox link, not locked). created for the @timebegins-onopeningday ao3 collection.
how to fold a one-page zine
#baseball#time begins on opening day#*eyes emoji*#my writing#baseball rpf#< not quite but almost#my art#ok i kind of lost my mind over the course of several days in which i should 100% not have been writing baseball poetry#and should instead have been studying for solid state physics#but now i have this!#also kas there's one embroidery thing in here and i think that might be as much of a fiber arts fill as you're getting lol#this is the first zine i've made besides one quick one at a workshop once and it ended up being very fun! i hope you all like it too :)
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what do you think mitzi’s type in men is?
hmm, this is a fun little ask! especially since her love interests, on a surface level, couldn’t be more different. we have :
zib : former long term boyfriend but not quite … they were very loose with labels, as we know from outside information and the way zib lives life in general. but despite this, whatever feelings fostered between them were intense ; enough so for him to stick around years later, resigned to a chained down lifestyle simply because he doesn’t want to leave mitzi. he’s very loyal in that sense! even if it’s not a conventional type of loyalty. we know that before bitterness seeped inbetween their bond that zib took good care of her, while also being a complete mess of a person ; someone perpetually scared whenever physical conflict is concerned and being a musically inclined man who very much treats himself as a free spirit, with a morbid philosophy and feel towards life. he’s got a major tortured artist aesthetic!! is a little gripped by melancholy and nostalgia … zib is a lot of things, and ambitious is surprisingly one of the many puzzle pieces that make up dorian zibowski.
atlas : ruthless gangster, has an eerie presence that frightens even the people closest to him. he is prone to a more quiet disposition ; never speaking and always a blot of unremarkable grey. but he is an opportunist! someone who can manage a business and take advantage of shortcuts and loopholes to become even more successful … basically he is wealthy and uses his assets well. but all of this is done with a manner of distance, leaving even those closest to him never having the full picture of who he was. it’s also worth noting that mitzi and him had eventual problems, which caused her to seperate. also perhaps has a heart of some kind, but whatever love he possesses is hidden under layers of blood and mystery.
wick : well-to-do bore, and i say this with all the love in the world for wick! but compared to previous paramours he’s rather clean and talkative … there is a constant earnestness to him that bleeds out, an honesty and a more conventional sort of kindness. he doesn’t hide behind smoke and mirrors and there’s never really a front he puts up around mitzi -- or his investors for that matter, hence why he’s treated as an ‘outsider’ so to speak. he is an alcoholic who loathes the details of his job but is more than passionate about the job itself and makes this everyone’s problem … he is a little helpless, in the sense he’d die without someone there to make sure he functions … and is, like zib, perpetually afraid of conflict. can be a little wishywashy and can come across as uncaring due to his cheeky tone … but he’s loyal and caring, with a hobby for the unusual ( bugs and rocks lol ) as well as being able to look past the gossip mill and see the actual mitzi may as he knows her, someone who’s going through a rough time and is either too kind or classy to be a brutal killer. he is hypocritical, a little snobby, and rather forward with mitzi too. kind of a flirt when he wants to be!
something that immediately stands out to me when looking at this lineup is that mitzi doesn’t enjoy a violent man. i don’t think she loathes someone who can so brutally or clinically remove others from this earth, but if she were to go for someone they’d usually be sweeter in a sense. it meshes well with her old personality and kinder heart, perhaps brings it out in her, and that sort of levity and breeziness is more enjoyable than, say, being fully aware of the dangers that lurk around every corner because the man you’re beside is prone to bringing it. she also enjoys more talkative types, someone who’s less quiet and demure and serious, and is keen on her men having a hobby they care deeply for ; some sort of long term goal to work towards doesn’t hurt either. and because of some scenes in the comic, i’m a firm believer that mitzi wants someone who can make her smile or laugh with ease, whether because they’re ridiculous by nature or genuinely funny! she has a sort of funny bone herself, enamored with gallow’s humor and darker jokes, so having someone who either a.) reacts hilariously in the face of her jokes or b.) who can return that energy with teasing or their own brand of silly is desirable. everyone could use a good laugh or two, a sense of joy injected into the bustling life they all live, and this all ties back to mitzi being more drawn towards the less stuffy types of men.
so atlas seems to be an outlier when it comes to her type in many ways, hence the later problems they apparently had in their relationship even if she did love him dearly. but, of course, atlas did have something very appealing to her that zib had failed to give, which she rather fondly recalls in the comic page vestige. whether zib likes acknowledging it or not, mitzi wasn’t as gungho about their normad life as he was … or, at the very least, when she lived another life besides that one, she realized she had a preference! and atlas gave her that path, that knowledge that she wanted something else, and seemingly for the very first time in her life … she felt like a proper lady, a feeling that clearly meant a lot to her. it wasn’t just the dresses or the wealth, it was the constant eye of atlas who could have any dame he wanted, but fancied her his wife regardless. it was having someone so respectable looking, dressed well and groomed well, being able to see her as something other than a sweating, exposed girl in a bawdy dress. atlas’s seemingly polite treatment towards mitzi was enough to garner her affections in spite of everything else, so i think she enjoys that now in others, ; folks who treat her as though she’s a woman in high society, men who don’t gawk at her or make lewd remarks immediately … she probably prefers the courting process now and the quaint dates ( that she doesn’t pay for, mind you ) that come along with it. she just -- likes mutual respect, i think. and who doesn’t? she’s been through a lot to get to where she is now, even if it’s a bad predicament, and she’d like for that to amount to something. some sort of acknowledgment, some kind of recognition.
however, it’s worth mentioning that her views on romance and all that it entails have been warped since the death of her husband. such a loss would change how anyone approaches their dating life, if they were to even have one afterwards … after all, mitzi’s whole problem is that she doesn’t want to move on from atlas and has thus completely romanticized him in her head, to the point that she earnestly believes she’ll be miserable forever without his presence. any problems she had with atlas have long since been erased by her tortured mind, leaving her with a profound misery she’s wallowing in. i think she believes herself as incapble of romantic or sexual inclinations nowdays, leading her to view the advances made towards wick as a necessary ‘evil’ for the sake of atlas may and little else -- when she genuinely does like sedgewick to a degree, and wouldn’t go on dates or kiss a man unless some part of her honestly wanted to do so. ( i also think she was attracted to wick somewhat even while married to atlas, but that’s besides the point ) so this is all a rather complicated affair! she is vulnerable and weak, is too aware of herself and the criminal underbelly squeezing in closer … add this on top of her still heavily grieving and having no one she feels she can talk to, you have someone who is rather changed. mitzi is so far removed from herself and who she truly is, or was, that there’s no doubt it’s affected her type ; now she’ll settle for anyone if they’ll just help her, and even then she’d be dispassionate if romantic entanglement of any kind was involved in that relationship. it’s not something she wants right now, and honestly, it all seems scary and daunting … besides atlas, zib was the only other man she’s ever loved enough to stay around for, so she’s never faced a loss like this before. has kept zib throughout all the turmoil and changes -- so this is, as far as we know, her first major loss where it concerns matters of the heart. it’s not shocking she’s so messed up after it, especially given how fresh it all still is. all of this rambling is to say that mitzi’s a little more stingy and cagey then she used to be about love or sex, and she has a lot of inner battles to face before she can fall for someone and be sure about it. needs to thaw, i think, and she would require patience and understanding from anyone who actually wanted to be with her. mitzi could move on with time ( i do not think she’s the type of widow who’d never date again! ) but it would take quite some time to do so. well, in a world where she’s allowed / is able to heal anyway!
while her type would probably remain the same, i could see her wanting a serious relationship more than she did prior to the death of her husband. has no energy for the loopholes, or the rationalizations, or the fickle nature that can grip someone’s heart. she has matured in a lot of ways since her band days and would take comfort in frivolous things like labels and promises of a future, together, as lovers. while what she had with zib was nice and is cherished alongside the freedom to do as she pleased while on the road with the band, i don’t think she misses it. having the stability and assurance of an actual relationship, with all the hardships that come with it, would be better suited for her. as long as she’s treated like an equal of course! i don’t think she’d be keen on her partner hiding anything from her, even if it’s meant to protect her, due to where that put mitzi when atlas was killed. she’d rather know and be disgusted, or worried, or scared than to not know about something at all until it’s too late … again. naturally patience and compassion would also be of importance, as would the usual things she loves like loyalty and a passion for something in life. and while never required, she’d be happy if the person possessed even a singular musical bone in their body! she still thinks artists, particularly musicans, are sexy after all … likes the angst and brooding that comes with it, the slight flare towards the dramatics … as long as they can handle mitzi in her pitiful entirety and do, to some degree, care deeply for her and will compromise … i think she could find some happiness wherever. bonus points if she can live comfortably for the rest of her days too, lord knows she’s tired of the constant battle of hucking and bargaining.
but yeah! mitzi’s love life is vast and complex and i definitely see her as someone who is more flexible in type than other people are. though there are similarities between her suitors if you really look! anyway, i hope i was able to briefly touch upon this subject because my shipping brain loved your question and kinda went into overdrive, alas. tldr ; her ideal type is wick sable. sorry. once wick learns an instrument the wedding is back on!! … i’m kidding lol. well, mostly <3
#my asks.#lackadaisy analysis.#lackadaisy#mitzi may#i’m a person who believes the dixie drifters were one big polyam mess!! just on the record haha#and while that polyam and open relationship lifestyle was nice i do not think mitzi enjoyed all of it …#which isn’t to say she’s PURELY monogamous now! but she leans more towards it than not i think#she enjoys having one partner solely focused on her … someone entirely her own …#but she could ( potentially ) be alright with or encourage them to take on a third#or a forth … it all depends really! but she is still flexible in a lot of ways romantically#anyway!! i hope this makes some semblance of sense!!#i have many thoughts about mitzi’s love life and her romantic relationships and grief#so i tried to put a sprinkle of all that in here since it’s relevant to the topic#while also avoiding tangents!!!#in the end i think i’m a little confusing but get the points across regardless so <3 i’ll stop messing with this and just post it already#thank you for wanting me to go crazy and talk about mitzi may AND her shipping scene#( also forgot to add this but mitzi loves a person who will take photos with her or be photographed BY her#she’s big on photos … and a man who’s depressed. but that’s kinda obvious given her love interests lmao )
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˖°🦇ִ ࣪𖤐
#ok .. the appt wasnt as bad as i feared. and the therapist wasnt at all as i had imagined#he was actually one of the more easy ones within the psychiatric dept i've talked to#it was still a bit uncomfortable for me to open up esp when i got certain feelings...#but... what actually was good is that when i did that he pushed just a tiny bit and remarked on it and asked my further#(which works bc he also accepted when i just didnt know what to say or didnt wanna talk abt smth)#it took 2hrs omg.. but felt like 20 minutes.#i could notice that he actually is specialized on personality disorders lol. like he actually got what i said etc (which most havent)#so yeah. not as bad as i feared at all. he was quite good to talk with. this appt didnt feel at all as bad as i thought it would#but ofc he couldnt decide immediately if they'll take me on as a patient. bc they gotta have the required team meeting and discuss etc etc#he did say that he thinks my personality disorder is definitely causing me issues and that even if they dont take me on as a patient i#still need help. so that's just nice to hear#even if bc of cutbacks and such i know that the chances of me actually getting help are slim :(#IF i do tho i wont squander it#anyway it's just nice now bc i was SO tense and stressed and scared but it went absolutely fine#and now i'll just wait until they get back to me. and i dont have any expectations or hopes that they'll accept me as a patient.#so if they dont - as i expected. if they do - nice surprise and actually a real chance for me to get help#for today i feel ok about it phew#i cant help but be anxious abt how at the end he asked me for feedback akskskskks and i was like umm i dunno...#bc it's difficult for me to talk abt a person to that person T-T#but really i wanted to saythat i thought it was really good that he sometimes asked me if he understood smth i said correctly#and explained how he interpreted smth i said. & when i was like oh idk how to explain it idk if this makes sense. he would tell me if he#didnt understand exactly but know where i was going w it etc etc. which honestly most of the therapists i've talked to have not done that#so ughh now im like.. he's one of the few ones who does that i want him to know thats a good thing why didnt i say this T-T noooooo. regret.#oh well....
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hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x
#seriously another shout out to my mutuals#id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being#and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting#bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!'#hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over#and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic#sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭#okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals#like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful#so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up#than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess#they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds#so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW#okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE#SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES#if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends'#then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context#but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic#and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF#okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this#ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day
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hope everyone had alright holidays!
a few days ago when we were driving home in the dark in windy and rainy weather after getting two of my siblings from the train we, for the first time in my lifetime im pretty sure, hit a deer that was crossing the street, none of us saw them before they got caught in the headlights and the first one made it over but we werent yet slow enough to not hit the second one ...
the deer lived but was kinda stunned, my dad pushed it off the street and while we were still on the phone with police it got up and ran away but my parents car got damaged and while its still drivable there are several parts that got bent and since its an older model too it might be hard to get it repaired
anyway, i didnt know deer fur was that grey until i saw it stuck to our bumper :(
merry crisis
#ganondoodles talks#random#personal#we are all fine and i wasnt the one driving#i just feel extra bad bc i was there in the front to help watch out for exactly stuff like that#but it was a weird spot and strange in that weather for them to cross#the police told us there was another accident with deer literally 10 minutes before us in the same area#so maybe thats why it was only two .........#i hope the deer is fine tho im pretty sure it at least has a broken leg#also i hope insurance covers the cost and it wont take too long#im very glad we were slow enough to not kill the deer and also not hurt it bloody bc i am still thinking about how it tumbled across#i am salty about how many people were speeding past us tho#car on the side with warning lights on and all doors open two people in car and two outside putting warning thingies up#if my dad hadnt pushed the stunned deer off the street when no one was coming it would have ended way worse for everyone involved
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