#also here’s a reminder to not stay up until 4 am I hope this post encourages you to not be sleep deprived 😃

[diilchasp]

do y’all ever think about the complexity of everything and just lose your shit

[protagaster]

Part 3 of the Warrior!Penelope Swap AU

Do you guys have any idea what I've been through this past week!?

Here I am in the middle of this vignette, wondering how I can write Ares' abilities so they are not copies of Athena's powers while also staying canon-compliant, when out of nowhere Mr. Jalapeño himself releases more details regarding Epic!Ares!?

I was both extremely happy (as my fic continues to be canon-compliant) and very much exhausted (you guys have no idea how much I had to change in order for it to match Jorge's canon)

With that out of the way, hope you all enjoy part 4! I'm so glad to introduce to you all one of my favorite Greek Gods ;)

[Appropriate Credits: @gigizetz, for it is Gigi's variation of warrior!penelope that I picture whilst writing this AU.

Also, special shoutout to @somereaderinblue (GeminiWillow on Ao3)! Blue's lyrical rewrites helped shape the dialogue!]

(Cross-Posted on Ao3)

EDIT AS OF (10/24) - I changed the title of this vignette, and so the lyrics were also changed to both sound better and more naturally fit the themes of the story! Hope you all enjoy!

Warrior of The Heart

Penelope knew that in order to successfully lead her comrades home she had to be more than a captain. More than a queen even. No, what Penelope needed to be was a warrior.

A warrior of the heart.

However, as with all mortals, there are moments where she needs to be reminded of who she’s meant to be. 

And who better to remind her than her own mentor… 

~

Penelope and Circes had just about finished up on the lotus eaters’ island. 

After the emotional conflict and resolution they had faced moments ago, the two women decided a light rest was necessary before sailing their raft back to the main ship. Upon their return Penelope would be sure to inform the others of the cave the lotus-eaters had revealed. 

Looking up from where she sprawled, Penelope saw Circes playing with one of the little lotus-eating creatures. Despite the danger the captain initially thought them to be, they were actually quite helpful (not to mention a little cute). 

She was glad Circes convinced her not to resort to violence. 

This resolution with the lotus eaters proved that peaceful solutions were an option and did achieve results. It proved that cruelty and success did not go have to go hand-in-hand. It proved that, when left to make a decision of her own will, Penelope would go for the one that displayed kindness and mercy. 

It proved that without the Gods’ intervention Penelope was not a monster.

That was a thought that gave her an immediate sense of comfort, even if it was a relatively selfish one. 

Maybe, just maybe, it really was better to greet the world with open arms…

Suddenly, Penelope felt her mind and senses tingle with anticipation. 

A very familiar dose of adrenaline rushed through her body, traveling to the very core of her soul. Time around her began to gradually slow, her thoughts and reactions starting to increase in speed. 

Penelope blinked, this action lasting only for a second. 

Upon re-opening her eyes she found she was no longer on the island. Instead she stood in a sandy plain, reminiscent of the Trojan battlefields she had fought in not too long ago. Circes, the lotus eaters, even the thoughtless creatures of nature and the night, they were all gone. The only thing Penelope could see, apart from miles of endless dark sand, was a red hourglass floating above her. 

The hourglass was tilted precariously, dangling over a metaphorical edge. But if one were brave enough to look beyond it's glass frame they'd notice a faint, distorted halo circling above it; dangling from that halo was an invisible pendulum, dancing constantly in circles a safe distance away from the instrument.

Everything around her was silent, leaving Penelope to hear only the sounds of individual grains of red sand streaming down the hourglass

Until the call of a vulture screeched from above.

Looking up, Penelope saw the carnivorous bird circling over her similar to how a normal vulture would. He was covered with majestic brown feathers, the tips colored a deep red akin to the aftermath of a victorious battle. He had an array of feathers atop his head, formed in such a manner that it almost looked as if he wore a war-man’s helmet. 

Looking at the vulture from a distance it would appeared as if his eyes were void of thoughts and emotion. However, if one dared to look closely enough, they could see the fowl had the gaze of a man; one eager to stain the ground with blood. 

A voice boomed inside Penelope’s head, coming from nowhere and everywhere. 

“Have you forgotten the lessons I taught you?” 

“Ares!” 

The bird continued to circle her person, coming closer and closer with each flap of his daunting wings. 

“Have you forgotten to close off your heart? This is not you!” 

The vulture was finally within reaching distance to Penelope. His talons, sharp and glinting in the moonlight, were dangerously close to her flesh; If he really wanted to, he could dangerously maim, or possibly even kill, the woman with a simple dive and strike. 

Still, despite knowing what he was capable of, Penelope knew she was safe. In spite of his label as nothing more than a bloodthirsty brute to the majority of Greece, she was one of the few who knew his true nature. 

His lust for blood revealed itself only to those deserving of it. 

But that was not to say she was completely off the hook in this situation

“I see you changing from how I've designed you!” 

The vulture landed on the sand not too far from where she stood. Though much smaller in size, for the moment, his presence alone very much made up for it. It was quick to make itself known to Penelope, rattling her deep to her very core. 

“Have you forgotten your purpose? Let me remind you…” 

With a flash the vulture set before Penelope was no more. 

Standing in its place was a very large, very intimidating man, in both height and figure. 

This man was taller and stronger than any mortal man could ever hope to be. His arms and legs, thrice the size of a normal male, proudly displayed the tell-tale scars of a warrior with experience. He adorned red and gold greek armor, its design a natural mix of traditional Spartan origin with recent additions of Ithacan influence. His helm, a golden one with a deep red plume, very clearly symbolized what he himself represented to Sparta and what the kingdom meant to him. 

This helm covered the entirety of his upper face, the only features left clearly revealed being his nose and mouth. Shadows in the place of his eyes were displayed to the outside world, but the emotions behind them were masked to all who dared to gaze. 

“Master of Courage, God of the War,” 

A magnificent glowing spear, Ares’ signature weapon, manifested inside his hand. 

“My life has one mission…” 

Ares thrust the spear-point in Penelope’s direction. An outsider might have thought his intent was to kill her. Thankfully, all he wanted was to place the blunt end of the spear-point on her shoulder.

“Create the greatest warrior!”

Using his divine power as a war God, Ares performed his signature “quick-thought” and dove into Penelope’s mind. Momentarily one, the God sifted through Penelope’s life experiences until he found the memory he wanted her to recall. 

~

Penelope remembered that day as if it were yesterday. 

About 20 years ago, having barely entered her teenage years, a young Penelope had been asked by her father to accompany him to Ares’ challenge: the magic hunting field.

“I had a challenge, a hunting field, a divine spear only the best could wield!” 

The magic hunting field, created with the aid of the Goddess of the Hunt, was a challenge orchestrated to see which mortal was worthy of pulling a divine spear, created by the God of Forging, out the earth. Once that mortal took hold of the spear they were to honor Ares by spilling as much wild blood as they could in His name.

Whoever was able to wield the spear, if anyone could manage such a feat, would be blessed by the God of Courage himself. 

Penelope remembered her younger self feeling quite uncomfortable. She was never able to forget what her father tried to do to her as a babe, despite trying to desperately make up for it by being so affectionate toward her; something he continued to do to this day. 

However, despite her hesitation, Penelope also recalled feeling elated. 

Sparta was a kingdom that believed all their people should at least be familiar with the art of combat, females included. The great kingdom had influenced a few other lands in Greece to adopt this progressive mindset, with others well on their way. 

But even then, that day in the hunting field was one of the first times that women were allowed to participate in a challenge set forth by the Gods.

“One day a girl came for the thrill,”  

That young Penelope, eager to prove herself to both the world and her father, was determined to show that she could be both a lady of the court and a soldier of the battlefield.

It was one of the many qualities that intrigued her to Ares in the first place. 

“A girl whose heart rivaled the spear’s own will!” 

Penelope did not know it at the time, but the random spear buried in the dirt that she just happened to pull out on a whim would catch her the eye of the God of War himself. 

And he only found himself growing more and more impressed with each wild game whose blood she spilled in his name. 

“Let’s go!” 

By the final hour of that day young Penelope had proved herself to be a more formidable hunter than any of the numerous young men who tried to prove themselves worthy. Not only had she offered Ares a pleasing amount of blood, but she had ensured her carnage was not without purpose. 

She distributed the pelts of fur and rounds of meat amongst her fellow hunters in an act of goodwill.  Penelope even gave a sizable chunk of boar and a beautiful wolf pelt to her father despite her reservations toward him, most likely as some sort of thank you for allowing her to come. 

Half of the hunting field’s participants were appreciative of her kindness and impressed with her physical prowess; these people consisting of her father, the few other female hunters, and the men who knew there to be great merit in empowering a young lady beyond what was expected of her.

The others, men who were angry by the fact they were bested by a mere little girl and longed to put her in her place, could only accept their peace offerings with strained smiles and wicked eyes. Still, despite their irritation, these men knew they could not do a damn thing about it; for they were in Ares’ land, and one does not dare harm a young lady under the Protector of Women’s gaze without longing for an excruciating death. 

Regardless of how her spectators felt with the matter, everyone knew that the girl had gained the very thing they all were hoping to obtain: the blessing of Ares. 

“Maybe one day she'll follow me and we'll make a greater tomorrow, then they'll see I know she'll change the world 'cause she is a Warrior of the Heart!”

As the day’s events unfolded a mysterious vulture, one bigger and more sublime than a vulture should be, flew into the scene. He fit in perfectly with the background of the field. 

No one had noticed this vulture watching the young Princess of Sparta since the moment she first stepped foot on the field. 

“Maybe one day I'll reach her and we can build her skills as I teach her. If there’s a problem she’ll know to act first,”

Penelope, her father, and their guards had stayed in that field until nightfall. The exhaustion behind the day’s events claimed the girl with an instantaneous sleep, though this was of no surprise to her loving father. 

The vulture followed the young girl even while she and her entourage made their way back home. Upon arrival at the palace gates King Icarius carefully carried his daughter inside. However, the princess had not yet been fully claimed by sleep. 

Feeling the presence of someone watching her, Penelope looked up from her father’s shoulder. 

Right there, perched on a tree branch just outside the gates, was the brown and red vulture. The same one that was watching her back in the magic hunting field. 

Penelope’s eyes never left the vulture, even as she was carried inside. 

“She is a Warrior of the Heart!” 

Later that night, the Princess of Sparta snuck out of her room. 

She ran outside the confines of her palace, an easy thing to accomplish with the secret exit she and her siblings shared amongst themselves. Penelope then made her way to the large clump of trees behind the royal palace, not necessarily a forest but more grand than a grove. 

Penelope looked around, searching for the vulture that followed her all the way from the hunting field. She gazed from treetop to treetop, gawked from branch to branch, and even tried to search for any dead carrion that may have resulted from its hunger. 

But alas, nothing. 

… 

Well, not entirely… 

Penelope just knew something, or perhaps rather someone, was watching her. She could feel their eyes. 

“Show yourself.” Penelope searched in every direction, hoping she could finally catch sight of the mysterious presence. “I know you're watching me, show yourself.” 

Still nothing. 

Unbeknownst to the young girl, a large man was watching her from nearby. If he were a normal man Penelope would have spotted him the second she snuck out; however, this man was anything but. 

He had covered himself with a special spell, a divine air that made it so he and his kin could roam the earth without being seen by mortals. He needed to use this spell if he wanted to continue discreetly watching the girl, for it seemed she had recognized his animal form to be more than met the eye. 

The divinely-clouded man watched as the girl continued to whirl her head around in search. Finally she stopped, most likely giving up is what the man thought. 

But then, and much to his surprise, the girl smirked. Because her back was turned to him the man could not see the mischievous glint in her eyes. 

“I can see you.” 

The man grew stunned, quick to remove the divine mist that shielded him from mortal eyes. 

“How can you see through my spell?”

“Aha!” Penelope whirled around at his voice, hands on her hips in triumph. “I was lying and you fell for my bluff. Hahahaha.” 

The man’s eyes grew wide behind his helm, astounded with the bravery and daring of the tiny human before him. Many of his kind would have found themselves insulted at being so easily deceived by a mortal, especially one so young and feminine. 

This man, though, was unlike his kin in many ways. He saw no offense, but untapped potential…

Wearing a smile, the man approached little Penelope with not a single hint of hostility in his step. 

“Not bad, enlighten me, what's your name?”

Penelope raised her eyebrow at his question. She crossed her arms over her chest and turned her head away in a playful motion that betrayed her supposed suspicion. 

“You first, and maybe I'll do the same.”

The man, while not known for his patience, found it no trouble to entertain the child’s stubbornness. He was, after all, no stranger to the whims of daughters. 

“Nice try, but two can play this game.”

Penelope silently scrutinized the giant man, quick to note how his carefree personality did not match his intimidating appearance. Based on this observation any normal human would have assumed him to be just another man of Sparta, albeit much bigger compared to the rest and most likely blessed by the Gods. 

But alas, Penelope never did fall into the category of “normal”. She knew this man was no mortal simply blessed by another God. 

“Nah, you’ve got me wrong, I'm aware you're a God, let’s drop the facade…” 

Allowing herself to beam a smile, Penelope revealed to the man a truth she had already known since first becoming aware of his presence. 

“Your name is Ares!”

Ooh, Ares

“Badass in war, you carry! Unmatched, Fearless, and very much King of the Battlefield!”

Ares was already impressed with the girl based on what he had seen back in his magic hunting field. This moment, though, of her being able to surmise his identity with barely any clues to help her only further improved his impression of her. 

Looks like his challenge truly did end in a success. 

“If you're looking for a mentor I'll make sure your time's well spent.” 

Penelope had to stop herself from jumping with glee. A God, and not just any God either, but the patron deity of her kingdom and the personification of battle himself had just offered to take her, small and inexperienced Penelope, as a student! 

“Sounds like a plan! God and woman, Bestest of friends!" Penelope ran to embrace the God but instead phased right through him. 

“We'll see where it ends.” Ares answered in response to her attempted hug.

“Okay.” Penelope said undeterred, lifting herself back up as if nothing had happened.  

And with that the God and his mortal made their way back to her room. The memory may have concluded, but that moment forth led to a long and fruitful friend partnership. 

“Maybe one day they'll follow me, and we'll make a greater tomorrow,"

Ares would go on to watch over and advise his student. Sometimes he would take the appearance of a standard human male, posing as a Spartan guard trusted to keep the princess safe. Other times he would assume his vulture form, flying over Penelope and guiding her from the skies. Most times, though, Ares would shape himself into a small snake that wrapped around Penelope’s throat; conspicuous enough not to arouse suspicion but with just the right amount of menace to keep any adversaries from coming too close. 

"Then they'll see I know we'll change the world ‘cause we are the Warriors of the Heart!”

Ares and Penelope would spend a lot of their time together in training. The mortal learned how to properly wield a spear, handle a dagger, and even aim a bow. She learned that her feminine rage was a good thing and that setting it free could be beneficial at times. And, thanks to some advice from his loving partner, Ares found ways to help Penelope build up enough muscle to enhance her strength while also keeping her body just lithe enough for the sake of norms and appearances. 

“Maybe one day we'll reach them and we can build their skills as we teach them,"

And it did not stop at just his student either! 

Penelope was thankful to have married a husband who was so supportive of her endeavors and even wished to help her in achieving them. Ares was too, he supposed (even if he vehemently opposed the idea of marriage in the beginning). 

Penelope became the paragon of female warriors. She would lead and become a role model to the women willing to put themselves through even harsher training regimens than what the men in their lives partook in. In the beginning there were never a lot of women who were willing to learn, but as time went on more and more strove to push their limits. 

"If there's a problem, we'll know to act for we are the Warriors of the Heart!”

The point is over the years Penelope grew to be more than she ever thought she could be. She had shown the world that it was possible for a woman to be a formidable warrior while also staying true to her femininity (remember, Penelope was known all throughout Sparta and Ithaca for her immense talent in weaving). 

All of it thanks to the guidance of Ares. Of what he had allowed her to become. 

~

Back to the present, Ares was satisfied with the knowledge he wanted Penelope to recall. Enough to motivate her, but to also remind her of their goal. 

“I still intend to make sure you don't fall apart. Don't forget that you're a warrior made to be a work of art-” 

Even if she had learned almost all he could teach her, Penelope was still only a mortal. The Gods had only so many stories of what could happen when mortals are left to their own devices. 

And Ares couldn’t allow that to happen. Not after all the time he devoted into molding her. 

“You are a Warrior of the Heart!” 

Penelope, the current one, let out a sigh. 

Ares was right, of course he was right. As a God he knew best; he knew what needed to be done to accomplish his their ultimate goal. 

As his student it was her duty to heed his every command. For both their sakes. 

Seeing that she had taken his words to heart, Ares prepared to release her consciousness back to reality.

 Before he did though, the God gave her one more warning…

“Don't disappoint me.”

And with that he was gone, the only proof of his presence a cluster of vulture feathers carrying the scent of burnt torches and carrion.

The sandy landscape quickly faded, returning to the grassy thicket that was the lotus eaters’ island.

The top end of the red hourglass was practically empty, save for a lone grain of sand. That faint halo, the one holding the invisible pendulum, inched closer to the instrument. 

This single grain fell, joining the rest on the bottom of the glass. The Invisible pendulum swung a hair of a distance away from the sand clock’s glass, not quite close enough to crack but very close.

In a flash everything went back to how it was before. Circes, the lotus eaters, even nature itself, they all returned to their normal speed. It was as if nothing happened. 

Penelope let out a breath. They needed to get return. 

Now. 

[itgetsdarksometimes35]

But At What Cost?

Warnings: This chapter: Thoughts of suicide, non con, physical abuse, miscarriage; the series: non-con, dub-con, depression, forced marriage, angst, forced pregnancy, 18+

Word count: 2,925

Pairings: Dark!Bucky Barnes / Reader

Summary: Reader is the youngest girl in her family. After being sold to Bucky Barnes, and forced to have his child, she and her sisters look for a way to escape.

~ indicates time change

- indicates a POV change

A/N: Holy shit, I have not updated in 4 years... Life has been so busy with moving, having a child, and starting my new business but I am so incredibly happy to be back! I would get that writing itch but would never scratch it, until now. I plan to post weekly for a long as I can stand it. I also hope to participate in challenges and NANOWRIMO next year, so hopefully this year can be a warm up to where I used to be. Anyway, enough rambling. Let's get into the third and FINAL part to my most popular series, Small Price to Pay. Enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three months. That’s how long it’d been since you and your sisters had escaped your Hellhole of a life. That’s also how far along you were in your pregnancy. You weren’t showing yet, but all your sisters and nephews and nieces knew. Nobody allowed you to stand too long without offering you a chair, and you were exempt from all household chores, to your dismay. The one thing you begged to let them allow you to do was shop on your day and take care of the young children.

Today was your day to leave to get groceries. This time was always extremely stressful for you and your sisters, none of you knew what lay beyond the door. There was no way to know if today was the day that you would all have to separate. More stress was in the air due to your pregnancy. 

Lucille wrote the list of supplies before handing it to you, smiling. “Okay, here’s everything we need. Do I need to remind you not to talk to strangers?” She lifts an eyebrow, her lips turning into a smirk as you slap her arm playfully. 

“Don’t worry, mom, I promise I won’t.” She laughed at you before hugging you close. You all always did this, just in case it’d be your last time together. 

Anne was next to hug you. “Stay safe, baby sis.” You hugged her tight, calming your nerves as you smelled her candy perfume.

 You went on to hug Vienna and she rubbed your belly. “No matter what happens, just know baby boy will keep you safe.” You smiled at your sister.

“You’re so sure it’s a boy?” Vienna nodded.

“Positive. I predicted all my kids’ gender correctly, what makes you any different?” She lifted your hand from your belly, replacing it with yours. You’d always wanted a girl, but deep in your heart you felt it was another boy too. You’d never admit this to your sister, you’d never hear the end of it.

“Your witchcraft doesn’t work on me, devil woman!” you joked, causing all your sisters and you to laugh. You savored that moment, how you felt and the way you all sounded at peace. No doubt none of you had felt that way in a long time. A piece of you knew it all was temporary, soon you’d all go back to worrying. Was that shadow or a person following them? Was that stranger living near us before or did they just move in? What do we know about them?

You were pulled from your thoughts when Anne clapped her hands. “Well, on your way. You want to get there and back before rush hour.”

~

You shopped the aisles of the American store, looking for your last items. As you're pushing the cart you hit something. No someone. You looked up shocked and immediately apologized upon seeing a woman with white hair. Her hand travels down to her protruding belly protectively, and your eyes get wide.

“I am so sorry, Ms, here let me help you.” You rush to the woman’s side as she tries to bend down to pick up her dropped items. She stands back up as you bend to get her items before handing them to her.

“Don’t worry about it, I should really look where I’m going. I don’t have a giant sign on me.” She chuckles at her joke, and you just nod your head. You couldn’t help but feel you knew her, but shook your head. That’s impossible. You knew no women except your sisters and nieces.

“Well, I’m sorry again. Have a good day, ma’am.”

“Wait!” You look back at the woman when you turned to leave her to her business. “I’m sorry to bother you, but could you help me with my groceries home? I live just down the road in Kilven’s road, I was going to ask a grocer to help me but they’re all men. I don’t feel comfortable with that, I’d rather have a woman. If you can’t I completely understand, just thought I’d try anyway.”

You considered the woman for a minute. Kilven’s road was next to yours, it would be an extra 5 minutes max to help this pregnant woman. You understood her wariness to ask a male to help her home. Besides, you did hit her with your cart.

“Sure, let me just check out and I’ll be happy to help you out.”

The woman smiled at this. “Really? That’s great, thank you so much! My name’s Nat by the way.”

~

You and Nat talked the short walk to her house, she had just moved there a year prior to be with her German boyfriend-turn-husband of 6 years. You  nodded your head as she told you stories, you kept your life story vague. You had just moved there yourself, but that’s all you offered.

“Do you have any kids?” You opened your mouth to speak before closing it again, unsure how to answer. You wanted to trust Nat, but you were still getting a weird feeling around her. “I’m sorry, that’s very rude of me. Don’t answer that.”

“It’s okay.” You smile at the woman as you readjust the bags on your shoulders. One held Nat’s items and the others yours. You both shopped light to your luck. You continued to walk in a bit of silence until the woman pointed to her house. 

“Here I am.” You followed her up the steps as she took out her keys. “Would you like to come in? My husband baked a mean German chocolate cake.” She took her bag from your shoulder, and you smiled at her generosity. 

“No, thank you, but I should really be getting home if I want a headstart on dinner.” The woman nodded at your response.

“Of course, of course. Thank you again for your help, get home safe, dear.”

You thanked the woman as you waved goodbye and stepped away down the steps. You hurried off the road with your bag and to your own, never looking back. Little did you know the woman was following you the entire time. 

~

When you got to your house, you took out your keys swiftly before putting them in the lock. You opened the door, looked out and saw nobody there, then locked it behind you.

“I’m home!” You walked to the kitchen, noticing the eerie silence. That’s weird. “Hello?” You walked up the stairs, still not hearing one child. Did they leave? They didn’t call you. When you reached your room you gasped at what you saw. 

“James?” Your husband smiled back at you as your sisters sat in the small room’s corner. James had a gun pointing at the bathroom where you heard small whimpering sounds, no doubt the children were in there. 

“Hey, Baby, miss me?” You gulped.

“James, please. Let my sisters and their children go. I’ll go with you peacefully, just don’t hurt them.” James shook his head.

“Can’t do that, Doll. These women have husbands who are worried sick about them and their kids. Would it be right to just let them kidnap their children and disappear halfway across the world with them?”

You looked to your sisters as tears fell from their eyes. This was all your fault. You should’ve never stayed with them, you and Bucky should’ve found your own place to escape to. You should’ve known James would find a way to you.

“James, please. Don’t do this.” Just then the door downstairs bursted open. You all, except Bucky, jumped at the sound. Fast steps made their way up the stairs, and then Nat appeared in the room’s doorway. Only this time she had no belly.

“Natasha, perfect timing.”

Natasha?

Suddenly you remembered. How could you be so stupid? The woman before you with her own gun was the woman you met at your wedding. She talked to James about moving to Germany to live a life on the downlow. Back then she had red hair.

She sauntered into the room, smirking at you, before aiming the gun at the same door James just was. “Their husbands are on their way here. They should be getting off the plane in about 5 minutes and they’ll be here to get children and wives back in no more than 30 minutes. I’ll keep these lovely ladies company until then.” Your sisters’ eyes widened at her words, and you started crying. 

James smiled and lowered his gun before walking to the bathroom. “Good.” He opened the door and your nieces and nephews started crying. Your heart broke for the pain you were causing. James walked from the room with your son in his arms. “I have everything I need, so I think I’ll take my wife and son and head out.”

Your son calmed down his cries when he was in his daddy’s arms, snuggling closer to him and laying his head beneath his chin to suck on his thumb. 

Natasha turned her attention to you, still keeping the gun pointed at the door. “Look at what you caused. Your son could have grown up without a father. Is that what you want?” She raised her voice at you causing you to jump a little. You shook your head, closing your eyes as more tears poured from them.

“It’s okay, Nat, all that matters is we’re all back together. Isn’t that right, honey?”

“T-that’s right,” you whispered, not wanting to speak the venomous words. James walked over to you before grabbing your arms in a tight grip. 

“Happy you agree, let’s go home. Now.” The last word was growled in your ear, causing you to stiffen again. You opened your eyes to see your sisters again. They smiled weakly at you.

“I’m so sorry,” you sobbed out. James pulled you from the room then the house. A car came to pick you up as you traveled back to the Hell you had tried so hard to crawl away from.

~

When you got back home, James beat you. Bad. You cried and screamed at him to forgive you. Punches flew at you from every side. Your eyes threatened to swell shut from his blows and your lips were purple and bruised. You tried to tell him about the child you were pregnant with, but he couldn’t hear you through his rage. When you were down he kicked your stomach and you cried out in immense pain. He just grabbed your face and kissed you roughly.

James then picks you up from the ground before pushing you down on the bed. “Take off your clothes,” he demands, leaving no room for negotiation. Your mind was still foggy from what had just happened that James had forced on you the minute you both walked through the door and he handed Bucky to a maid you had never seen before. “Now, Doll, don’t make me repeat myself. I’m already pissed.” His nostrils flared as he spoke. 

With shaky hands, you steadily reached for the white button up you had been wearing. You discarded the fabric to the floor, revealing to James your white lacy bra. His pupils dilated as he watched on, his chest rising and falling with deep breaths. Next was your skirt, and then you were left with just her matching underwear set. You looked up at James with doe eyes, waiting for your next order. Just like the obedient little girl James had made you. 

“Keep going,” was his only command as he reached to pull off his white dress shirt that hugged his muscles just right. He palmed his growing hard on, the outline very prominent in his black dress pants. The size made your eyes water with more tears. You knew he wouldn’t be gentle. No matter how many times James fucked you, you were still just as terrified as the first time, nearly crying every time he’d stuff it into your tiny cunt. 

James reached behind you aggressively to undo your bra and let it fall to the floor along with your other clothing. Your boobs bounced from being free, and you slowly slid your panties down next. 

You were looking to the floor as you untangled the lacy fabric from your legs, but looked up when you heard a chuckle. You met James’ eyes as his face was turned up in a smirk. 

“Such a fucking tease,” he tsked, “You just want me to destroy that tiny little pussy of yours, don’t you?” You kept eye contact with him as you nodded her head.

“Yes, sir.” 

James leaned down in front of you, grabbing her face and pulling you roughly forward to his lips. He squeezed your jaw so you would open to him, wanting nothing more than to assert dominance with his tongue. 

James’ kisses were never loving, just hungry. He moaned into your mouth as his tongue explored; all the while you sat back with submission, allowing your master to take full control of what’s his. After what felt like minutes, James finally pulled away, pushing you back even more and causing you to whimper at the force. The fight in you dying forever ago.

James unhooked his belt as you held his gaze, dropping eye contact was a rule that you had learned not to break. Once her clothes were off, they had officially begun; after that she wasn’t allowed to look away from him. 

“Turn around. You’re going to learn not to disobey me one way or another.”

“Yes sir.”

“Did you really think you could escape me?” You started to cry again.

“I’m sorry.” 

“No, not yet you’re not. But you will. Look at me.” You turned around and your eyes widened. James’ left arm was replaced with that of a metal one. “You wanna know how I got this?” He tossed a cast that was in the shape and color of his arm that you were used to to the floor. “I was a prisoner of war in World War 2. I was used as a war machine long after the war ended. I’m an ex-supersoldier, Baby. Did you really think you could escape me?” James was starting to raise his voice as you started to cry again. 

He spanked your ass with his robotic arm and you lurched forward at the force. James continued spanking your bare ass until you were so raw you could barely feel it anymore. Your stomach cramped so bad and you screamed at the sudden pain, clutching it and falling to the bed weakly. 

“Get up, I’m not done with you.” But you couldn’t move. You could just stay in the fetal position as your body convulsed in the worst pain you could only relate to birth. Then you felt a liquid escape from your vagina. Your eyes squeezed shut as you begged the pain to leave you soon.

“Y-you’re bleeding. Are you okay?” James’ words barely reached your ears as you suddenly felt nauseous. You couldn’t move as your stomach emptied it’s contents on the bed. Then you saw black.

~

James had beat you so bad you had a miscarriage. When you woke up, you were in a hospital bed. A nurse was checking your vitals when she noticed you were awake. She greeted you, asking how you were feeling, before informing you of the terrible news. She asked to confirm what your husband had told them, that you had fallen down stairs and that explained your bruises and swollen eyes. You said yes.

After that day you were forever broken. You never stepped out of line with James, and you became the wife he had always wanted. No more did you dream of an escape, nor what the future held. You didn’t care.

James was never the same, either. After the incident, he was doting. Always saying he loves you, buying you expensive presents daily with flowers of different kinds. He tried to set you up so you could see your sisters more often, and he even let you leave the house. But you wanted none of it. You took the gifts with not so much of a smile, you rejected to see your sisters, and you chose to only leave the house when food was needed. You only bought Bucky clothes online, not being able to stand being in a child store. 

When Bucky’s 4th birthday rolls around, 3 years later, he is eager to start preschool. He didn’t remember his aunts or his cousins, and he was closer to his father than ever before, shying away from you as you grew colder and colder to both of the relationships you had in your life. It was him who dropped him off to school as you stayed home with a maid to take care of you and your needs. You were currently pregnant with a girl. James said you’d name Dahlia, Dolly for short. She’d be your perfect rainbow baby, he said, a real Doll. 

When Bucky came back home he showed you a card he had made for James at school, insisting it go on the fridge. You obeyed, hanging it there with a magnet that made Bucky happily skip away. 

The card showed Bucky and James hugging, not a sight of you or the child in your womb. You were a waste of space, a visitor in the home you’d created. A hollow shell of who you used to be. You thought about your suicide. It seemed easy, too easy. It’s a small price to pay for freedom, but at what cost? 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @jtargaryen18​ @coconutqueen21​ @collette04​ @nsfwsebbie​ 

[bbcreative-0]

Misplaced AU

Okay so remember this post? Yeah here’s some designs:

Just and reminder I am only going based off the Samurai Rabbit from that Netflix Show. I haven’t read the comics and I only know Usagi’s character from his TV show and TMNT. Anyways here’s some context/ideas that I have come up for this AU

So this takes AFTER the movie, so I’ve always headcanon that after the movie Leo became a lot more serious and focused on protecting his family. Like to the point of training himself until he collapsed. However he does try to hide that from his brothers so not to ‘burden’ them.

Most of the time I see LeoSagi fics where Usagi tends to be the more mature or level-headed one compared to Leo. So I wanted to change that, this would be an AU where Leo is the more “mature” one and Usagi was more so goofing off. Leo would still crack jokes and so on. He wouldn’t be hiding his seriousness too much with Usagi and his friends. I wanted a story where it’s Usagi showing/reminding Leo it’s okay to make mistakes and to have fun. Which I think it’s a fun twist with these characters.

Okay I hope that made sense now onto the actual AU.

So when Usagi makes contact with the Ki-Stone Leo and his brothers were fighting in a museum where a piece of the Ki-Stone in this universe activated just as Usagi made content. Leo would notice one of his brothers being too close to the Ki-Stone as it activated which would make him push them out of the way.

Sadly for Leo that meant the Ki-Stone would end up grabbing him and taking him to Usagi’s world. The Ki-Stone created the clothing Leo is wearing in the drawing. It’s based off of Ninja/Shinobi painting in the 17th century. I did add some changes to the outfit so they can fit Leo’s character. I hope I did a good job at that.

Anyways throughout Usagi’s journey Leo would be helping him out since he is only way back home. Leo was mad at Usagi for a while, since it is his fault that he dragged there, however Leo does forgive him.

Leo still does have his powers in Neo Edo. He is also contacted to the Ki-Stone since it brought him there and a part of us literally a part of the Ki-Stone. If that makes sense?? Think of it as Leo 3/4 of his souls and the Ki-Stone is holding 1/4 of his soul.

Final detail I wanted to added, the flowers Usagi is giving are cameillias flowers. Which according to my research means love in Japan. Think of it as their roses for them.

If you guys wanna ask more questions you ask in the Q&A thing I got. It should be working…Hopefully Idk how Tumblr looks for the most part. Anyways this took forever and my hands hurt. Thank you so much and I hope you guys like this!

Stay creative!! 💜💜

Master Post

[qfzeeph]

♡Kaito (Vocaloid) x Reader/Master HCs [4]♡

Hey guys! As many of you know, April is Sexual Assualt Awareness Month. I myself am a SA survivor with (ongoing evaluation, but and I quote "very likely") PTSD, and I take a lot of comfort in the idea that my favorites would take care of me since many people in real life who assured they would have failed to do so. I've been... kind of afraid to post these since they are very personal to me and I wasn't sure what kind of response this would envoke. If this doesn't really resonate with you, I appreciate the fact you're willing to read through it anyway. If it does, I hope it brings you as much comfort as it brings me.

So For the Fourth installment of this series, I'd like to write about Kaito taking care of a SA survivor with PTSD symptoms similar to mine.

I think this goes without saying, but CW for mentions of SA and talk of PTSD-Related things.

☆When you finally open up to him about what happened to you, it breaks his heart. He can't believe someone would even think about doing that to you.

☆Kaito is extremely considerate of your boundaries. He’s not one to push or try and “make you get over it,” if it makes you uncomfortable he wants no part of it.

☆ Kaito is also a fantastic listener. If you need to spill and cry out about things that have happened, he’s going to hold you close and give you all the comfort and love he can. Moving forward is not always easy, especially when memories plague you. He’s going to do his very best to comfort you and remind you that you’ll always be safe in his arms. And it doesn’t matter how many times he has to tell you that, he always will without fuss or question. He wants to make you feel as safe as possible and understands that the traumatic memories can and will come back to haunt you, oftentimes against your will.

☆Speaking of, you having flashbacks or resurgances of traumatic memories are never a “mood killer” or off putting to him. It’s something that unfortunately happens, and that’s okay. If you need physical space during these times, he’ll happily give it. If you’d rather have him hold you close and hug you until it passes, he’ll gladly oblige to that as well. Whatever helps you is what he’s going to do.

☆ If you’re the type who wants to reclaim what has been taken from you, he’s gladly going to do whatever he can to help you, on your terms of course. He understands how hard this is for you and how important reclamation can be. If at any point things go too far for you, he’ll gladly stop right away no matter what. YOUR comfort and safety comes before his enjoyment.

☆ If you’re completely sex repulsed, he’s 100% okay with that too! Kaito loves you for you after all. Being a part of your life is more than enough to satisfy him to begin with.

☆He'll always, always, always be there for you. No matter what. You could tell him anything about what's on your mind and why it's bothering and he'll sit there and listen and talk you through it no matter how in depth or graphic it is. Kaito loves you unconditionally no matter what. You'll always be his darling despite your battle scars.

☆Kaito thinks you're incredibly strong and brave at the end of it all, you're still here despite everything and he's so proud of you for continuing to push forward. And he'll never let you forget that he's proud of you either.

Well, that's about all for this post. Thank you so much for reading through to the end. Again, reiterating these are based off of things I personally have to deal with in terms of trauma-related memory resurgances and things that would make me comfortable and I understand that may not be the same for everyone who's gone through something like this. Remember to take care of your friends who are survivors, and to take care of yourself as well if you've gone through this hell as well. Stay strong out there, I believe in you and so does Kaito!

[longhands-the-second]

Trimax volume 2:

Here’s some thought soup.

Turns out I was actually able to wait to read until this week lol. I’m glad I did. I have a feeling this is only going to get more depressing from here on and I’m gonna need the pacing for my mental health.

So just… everything about Wolfwood here. He’s already better realized than pretty much the entirety of 98, I think (<- biased). I said “what the Fuck” out loud several times during this volume which is always fun. I’m going to do a second read before posting this so I can keep my thoughts in better order.

1- It’s at this point I think that maybe I should check the tws for this manga lol. Did this bother me? Not really. Am I scared of the potential now? Yes. Yes I Am. (I see that damn hand gore warning for a late volume and I am Dreading that shit)

Vash just looks so… soft here? I want to squish his cheeks so bad. It’s the power of Loose Button Down at work. A good weapon to have in your arsenal.

I hate it when you can just. Tell he’s making a promise that the narrative won’t let him keep.

On a reread the end of this volume makes more sense. Are they all…? I hope the fuck not.

2- Legato is really just getting more animalistic. There’s something off about him/his survival instincts but it’s kind of impossible to tell Exactly what it is without reading that far ahead. (Speaking of how uh. Explicit is his backstory? Do I need to make myself a nice cup of tea for after I finish reading that volume???)

I really, really appreciate that the gung-ho guns aren’t as one note as I expected. I have to wonder what got them all here, individually?

I wonder what specifically Vash thinks about Wolfwood here, what he knows and what he doesn’t. Is he like, aware that he saw what happened with the moon? Vash isn’t stupid, so I’m sure the thought crossed his mind that Wolfwood could’ve been working with Knives, but he’s also dead fucking set on seeing the best in people. Stay tuned, I guess.

Calling Vash selfish… there’s something there. He does have a tendency to ignore what people want when it comes to this kind of thing- which, yeah, that’s fair when it comes to killing people, but it’s also kind of not his place. Thinking very hard about the other post i saw this week about the end of the last volume.

Another thought that comes to mind is the way Vash thinks he’d just be letting things happen (therefore had some responsibility) in a lot of situations despite it being entirely on someone else. He refuses to just let it be. It makes sense given what happened to Rem, but I still have. Thoughts. He makes me so fucking sad.

The way Vash just fucking shuts down when they threaten Lina. None of them deserve any of this it makes me feel gross and bad.

3- How did he forget about the arm gun. That shit is the most important thing to remember smh

Where’s that one post that’s like “world where guns exist and swords are useless except in the hands of this one guy”

Literally impossible to follow the action but the punchline lands ig lmao

4- god this hurts. He just wants people to live. He just wants to live.

I think a lot of what this is about is sunk-cost, like somebody else mentioned. Digging your heels in further even if you know you’re wrong. I see in the gung-ho guns, Knives especially, but also definitely Vash. I haven’t fully former my thoughts on Vash yet though, i have to see where he goes from here to really make any judgements

God fucking damn it wolfwood. I know it made sense but MAN.

I love how angry Vash is allowed to get in the manga. He can really be scary sometimes.

People can’t change their minds if they’re dead. I think that’s the easiest way to summarize it.

I love how fucked up they are <3

Vash isn’t naive. He’s smart and he’s got years of experience to back him up. I know this. This is proof of it. But damn sometimes he really is incomprehensible in a way that makes me need the reminder.

GORLS

Hitchhiking on nomansland stresses me out as a concept.

5- wolfwood is really gonna rip my heart out isn’t he

“Vash can’t drive” saga (you’d think he’d be good at it given his other skills. Exposure maybe? I doubt he has frequent access to that kind of thing.)

They’re both fucking exhausted and YET-

I need to start a counter of times when i stop to go “oh vash is so pretty in this panel” but it’d be well over half of these posts

THAT IS NOT ONE OF THOSE PANELS

God he’s just zombie-ing his way through this isn’t he

The fucking limp wristed gun is everything to me

The missile is eepy and neebies to sleeby

6- obsessed with this version of home aesthetically.

Vash really just wants to be left alone. Grumpy old man.

Seriously though im in love with this whole setup. It’s beautiful.

It feels kind of illegal to be here though. Like we’re revisiting something that should be long gone. How much is this like the ship he grew up on?

He goes from the breaking point to being so excited to see everybody he’s crying. This physically fucking hurts to read

7- FUCKIN LEAVE HIM ALONE. GIVE HIM A GOD DAMN BREAK.

Literally this chapter makes me sick to my stomach i hate it i hate it

(Side Note, I have some colorings in the works, but it’s gonna be a WHILE until I get them finished. Very excited to share when I do though, I’ve been absolutely losing my shit about the love the others I’ve done have been getting from y’all. I see ur tags and they make my goddamn day. Thank you.)

((Additional Side Note, I am SO fucking excited to get my hands on the wwvd bracelets I ordered lol. I won’t be able to actually wear them for a few weeks though. I had to send it to my parents address. smh my head, man.))

[lovesongbracket]

Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.

Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)

The Only Exception

Written By: Josh Farro & Hayley Williams

Artist: Paramore

Released: 2009

“The Only Exception” the third single from Paramore’s brand new eyes was co-written between Hayley Williams and Josh Farro at a time when the band was a quintet, the song is a soft ballad, which provides musical diversity to the album. Hayley Williams explained to Kerrang! in 2009: “I’ve never written lyrics like this before. The first verse is about where I think the fear to be open or vulnerable started. Ever since the first story in Kerrang!, everyone has known about my family issues and domestic whatever, it’s something that’s kinda stayed with me and I’ve learned from. I played this song to my mom and there were tears. It was kind of embarrassing.” Hayley Williams told Alternative Press in 2010: “This is the first love song I’ve ever written. And even if I’ve tried in the past, this is the first one that I’m really proud of. I like that I was able to express the fact that I have always been really afraid of love – and I still am at times – but the excitement and the hope that it exists is still very evident in the lyrics. So it’s not like I’m a total cynic! Love is a good thing, kids.” In terms of its success as a single, it notably reached 24th on the US Billboard’s Top 100 and 31st on the UK’s Single Chart.

[Verse 1] When I was younger I saw my daddy cry And curse at the wind He broke his own heart and I watched As he tried to reassemble it And my momma swore that she would Never let herself forget And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love if it does not exist [Chorus] But darling You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception [Verse 2] Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul That love never lasts And we've got to find other ways to make it alone Or keep a straight face And I've always lived like this Keeping a comfortable distance And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content With loneliness Because none of it was ever worth the risk [Chorus] Well, you are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception [Bridge] I've got a tight grip on reality but I can't Let go of what's in front of me here I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream Whoa-oh-oh [Chorus] You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception [Outro] And I'm on my way to believing Oh, and I'm on my way to believing

So This Is Love

Written By: Paul J. Smith, Al Hoffman, Mack David & Jerry Livingston

Artist: Ilene Woods & Mike Douglas for Cinderella

Released: 1950

"So This Is Love" is a 1948 song composed by Al Hoffman, Mack David, and Jerry Livingston. It was written for Walt Disney's Cinderella, in which it was performed by Ilene Woods and Mike Douglas. It is sung by the characters of Cinderella and Prince Charming as they dance with each other at the ball. Composed in 3/4 time (also known as waltz time), a secondary title, "The Cinderella Waltz", appears in parenthesis next to or beneath the song's main name on many editions of sheet music. Prior to the Hoffman, David, and Livingston trio joining the film, songs for Cinderella were written by Larry Morey and Charles Walcott, with a song entitled "Dancing on a Cloud" intended for the ball scene. However, their songs would be scrapped. The song does not appear in Disney's 2015 live-action adaptation of the film, replaced instead with 19th-century inspired waltzes and polkas written by cinematic composer Patrick Doyle. Ilene Woods also commercially recorded the song with RCA Victor in 1949 to help promote the film's release the next year. It has since been performed by artists such as Vaughn Monroe, Vera Lynn, James Ingram, and Dave Brubeck, amongst others.

[CINDERELLA] Mmmmmm Mmmmmm So this is love Mmmmmm So this is love So this is what makes life divine I'm all aglow Mmmmmm And now I know [PRINCE] And now I know [CINDERELLA & PRINCE] The key to all heaven is mine [CINDERELLA] My heart has wings Mmmmmm And I can fly [CINDERELLA & PRINCE] I'll touch ev'ry star in the sky So this is the miracle That I've been dreaming of [CINDERELLA] Mmmmmm [PRINCE] Mmmmmm [CINDERELLA & PRINCE] So this is love

[wtftarot]

Review of "Five Card, Indepth Reading on Career" (7/20/24)

LISTEN UP Y'ALL, Ash's intuition is not to be fucked around with. Even without me posing a specific Tarot question related to career, she picked up SO MUCH that even I am shookth and in AWE of the absolute amount of specific details she picked up: past, present, future, even more "mundane" details (like Spirit telling me to get into a specific niche hobby I've been putting off)! 😂 

The full dirty details (Warning: in ADHD word vomit form) are down below in terms of how MUCH got picked up if you're somehow curious/nosy of what went down in my personal reading. ☕ 

For those with less time to mull over the specific proof, here's the TLDR; version of my review of Ash's tarot services:

Ash's tarot readings are piercingly insightful, accurate, and reliable. She delivered the reading (and my requested pictures of the cards!!!) in a timely, friendly manner (hell, even within the next morning upon yesterday's payment?!). Best $13 I ever spent, especially given other pricer readings I've seen in and outside of Tumblr. 

Definitely give her a try, cause while she'll be honest about what she finds, she's also no monster in what she delivers either. Definitely wanna order another reading from her again when the calling is right. All in all, her readings are good medicine for the soul, I would say! 💪🤩

-----------------

Excerpt of My Live Reaction Upon Receiving my Reading (LMAO, so sorry Ash, I word vomited all over your DMs 😂):

Holy fucking crap. I'll be sure to save your reading and the pictures, to post it on a wall somewhere to remind myself by! No regrets buying your five card indepth reading cause like I said, HOLY. CRAP?!! 

Cause real talk, Ash: you picked up on a LOT more than I expected even without me giving you a specific question related to my career! 🤯 

As for things that stood out to me in terms of your uncanny accuracy and wisdom, I'll try to keep them in specific order of the cards [Warning: Enthusiastic ADHD Word Vomit Ahead]:

1.) For the 6 of Pentacles: It's funny you took certain specific words right out of my mouth. I had this exact thought to myself yesterday upon ordering the reading and on a whim, decided to use some of extra funds towards donating other people/causes: "When [I] have a bit extra, I like to share it," since life tends to flow in cycles of scarcity/abundance just like the seasons and it's easier to give when one's own cup is full, to borrow a popular saying. 

2.) Page of Cups: Even without me posing a specific question to you about career, you amazingly picked up that YES, I am looking into a new role/field even though I don't know what that is yet. 🤔 Hell, I remain surprised by the new job titles I see on websites cause there's a lot more now than I ever originally conceived of since my early 20's. Hell, my *current* job and company didn't exist until about post-pandemic fter getting laid-off from a previous company that I was at for 6-ish years. Life works in funny ways, dude! 🤷 Am trying to keep faith that something (intuitively) "right" will turn up for me, so long as I stay open-minded and hopeful in my research exploration. I'm trying to be less rigidly logical about my job search as I was in the past--heck, my inner romantic (?) also keeps hoping that I'll be pleasantly surprised by whatever I find or get offered. 😂 Your interpretation just gave me even more of hope of that, so thank you so much! 🥹

3.) Regarding the 4 of Wands & 3 of Cups being reversed: LMAO, I am honestly am not surprised that's how my coworker situation starts out at first. 😂 I tend to be very task-focused when I'm on the clock, making it likely that coworkers may not know what to make of me at first. The examples you gave of them possibly being the type to go to bars or be vastly younger than me are self-accuratelu plausible reasons on why we may not 'click' at first, despite me studiously also not being the type to seek or "get pulled into drama." While I'm civil and aspire to be helpful, I know my introversion and task-focus doesn't make me come off as personable or easy-to-read either. 😅 The fact that I'm primarily here at work to Get Shit Done™ (eeeey, my Aries Rising/Capricorn Midheaven!) probably does put some people off from me at first. 🤷 The fact you picked up on such personality details or examples is amazing! 😍 

4.) Regarding seeing an image of "someone painting lil figurines or something small like that": Holy crap amiga, I don't know what what specific clairvoyant ability you'd call yours (but you should definitely look into the names of different types), but it's just so fucking HILARIOUS you'd affirmed something that my own gut has been nudging me towards! 😂 Cause yeah, I need more creative outlets that aren't purely just mental/screen-oriented (ie. my creative writing) for my own sanity. Something more grounding, more hands-on. Something to redirect my (occasionally neurotic, IMO) detail-oriented, systematic brain. 😅 

Have you ever seen videos or photos of minature art, where people make small-scale replicas of entire landscapes, buildings, objects, or even living animals and characters? My heart has been enthralled by such works, and it's just funny and touching that your reading is giving me a nudge to get more into that type of hands-on creativity,  even if it's starting out with something as small as buying a pre-made model kit of a minature bookstore filled with cats...or whatever. 😂 

5.) It's also amazing how you picked up on a current (?!) and/or past energy of where I HAVE "taken on a lot at my job, like more than you [I] should've had to." This was especially true during the years of being a first-time team leader during the Pandemic Era within an "essential" job (no staying at home for me, just constant overtime!). 🙄 Such a painful, despairing experience opened a lot of wisdom into healthier boundaries & sense of self-responsibility, reevaluating my standards and personal values, and increasing emotional awareness (especially of old childhood dynamics that I was unconsciously encouraging in myself/others who were enabled by my own overworking behaviors). 

I'll leave myself open to being pleasantly surprised if my future self somehow overcomes scars around leadership and a new industry leads me back into a "managerial or leadership role fairly quickly." Thankfully, you also included the word "may" so that promotion remains by choice and it's not like I owe that company anything. 🤷 Regardless, finding an industry that gives me the opportunity to establish myself or even to "build a whole ass life around" sounds like a dream come true, honestly. 😂 (So long as I balance that out with self-care & other life areas, of course!) 

---

Wishing you all the peace and prosperity, just like how you brought a sense of peace and hope into my heart, Ash! 🥹🫶

[airadam]

Episode 181 : Still Rollin'.

"Come on and give me my props..."

- Diamond

Fifteen years! We started this ride in June 2009 and here we still are all these years later. Thank you so much for your support, and I hope you'll stay with me for as long as I'm able to keep putting these shows together. The point of this podcast has never been to prioritise new releases, or to only ever look to the past, but a blend of the two. With that in mind, this month's mix certainly has some old personal favourites, a sprinkling of new music, and some obscurities and rarities! Listen, enjoy, and please do spread the word as widely as you can - as I always say, I have a lot of things, but no advertising budget 😆

I was racking my brain trying to come up with cover art that would reference the theme of fifteen...then realised that the infamous "4, 5, 6" combination sums up to that very number!

Mastodon : @airadam@mastodon.me.uk

Twitch : @airadam13

Events : events.airadam.com

Playlist/Notes

The Thryday : Fantastic

The album this was ultimately released on is only available for silly money on the second-hand market, but at least I had this from an old mixtape ("WJLR Radio, Volume 1") to share with you! The Dutch master Nicolay is on production for this North Carolina group who were part of the Justus League family and appreciated by those in the know. This same beat, with the same name, is also on Nicolay's "City Lights" and the "City Lights 1.5" version, but with the rhymes that elevate it so...much harder to get!

[J Dilla] Jaylib : The Red (Instrumental)

You already know! One of the best-loved instrumentals from Dilla's post-Slum career - certainly if the reaction when I drop it in a set is anything to go by - and one that will move your speakers for sure. The original is from the famed "Champion Sound" collaboration between Dilla and Madlib, where each rhymes over the other's production, and now the full set of instrumentals is available, making the deluxe release a 100% must-own.

Jigmastas ft. Mos Def, Mr. Complex, Pharoahe Monch, Shabaam Sahdeeq, and Talib Kweli : Lyrical Fluctuation Remix

This is a true all-star MC roster from the late 90s-early 00s independent scene, with DJ Spinna of Jigmastas on remix duties, bringing a different vibe to Joc Max's original, based on crazy short chops of a classic soul sample and having them cheerfully bounce along. I only got this 2000 release in the last few weeks, but have already played it on Twitch, digitised it, and am now sharing its eternally-fresh energy here!

Ghostface ft. Wigz : Outta The Way

"...in the gym throwing the dumbbells all out of order" - disgraceful conduct... Another usage of the same sample from the "Lyrical Fluctuation" remix, this Anthony Acid beat is more straightforward, with Ghostface and Wigz busting through with the energy of two guys rushing a bank! This was one of the standouts on the 2005 Ghostface and Trife "Put It On The Line" LP, though not released as a single despite the potential.

Mobb Deep : Feel My Gat Blow

The soundtrack to the Saul Williams-starring "Slam" was very much a mixed bag in the vein of many 90s-00s soundtracks, but certainly had a few standouts and otherwise-unreleased cuts from some greats, of which this is one. Havoc's beat sounds like a mix between a medieval court and 90s NYC, and the lyrical content is trademark Mobb.

Redman : Winicumuhround

As much as I love Redman's "Dare Iz A Darkside" album (which, notably, he doesn't - reminds him of a bad time), I had all but forgotten about this track until I pulled the vinyl out for a front-to-back listen recently. Erick Sermon and Redman combine on production to have this one thump along with a killer bassline-lead track, and Red is in fine form on the mic. With the voice of the late Hurricane G appearing as part of the densely-packed hook, this is a Def Squad heater for sure.

Pete Rock : Death Becomes You

Definitely one of my favourite Pete Rock beats of all time, but we had to wait a long time to get an instrumental! The original track was on the soundtrack for the 1993 classic "Menace II Society", but it wasn't until the 2019 release of Pete Rock's "Return Of The SP1200" album that we got this version. Absolutely flawless in the sense that there's not a single thing, as a listener or a DJ, that I would have wanted him to change. 

Roots Manuva ft. Big P, Blackitude, Fallacy, Rodney P, Skeme : Witness The Swords

I'd be willing to bet that while most listeners, especially in the UK, will be very familiar with the classic Roots Manuva single "Witness (1 Hope)", most won't know this! It's a blend of the lyrics from "Swords In The Dirt" from Roots' second LP "Run Come Save Me" and the "Witness" beat, from the same album. As far as I know, the only place to find this one is the 2002 "Extra Yard (The Bouncement Revolution)" compilation on Big Dada Records, which is worth picking up for some quality UK cuts.

Big Boi ft. Cutty : Shutterbugg

As a photographer, I really should dig this one out more! Big Boi co-produces with Scott Storch on this single from his solo debut "Sir Lucious Left Foot : The Son Of Chico Dusty", which was actually a much bigger hit in the UK than in the US, where it somehow didn't even break the top 50 in the R&B charts. It's a hectic-sounding track which unexpectedly takes a sudden quiet break in the second verse - and it's at that point that we move along...

Stro Elliot : Soul II Stro

...and so we move with a quick transition into another track that not just references but heavily samples the classic "Back To Life" by the UKs own Soul II Soul, a Stro Elliot workout that's just undeniable in its groove. The samples of Caron Wheeler's vocals haunt at times before coming firmly into the foreground, while the drums and bass thump along with an accompanying keyboard line. That Stro Elliot sampled that 1989 classic on his self-titled LP twenty-seven years later is a testament to the power of the original.

Kokane ft. Lil Half Dead : Ghetto Music

When I saw the garage-filmed (high-quality though!) video for this, I kept waiting for the rapping to start - but nope, this is just a funk product from start to finish which, as the track says, will make you want to move! Despite "Da White Album" only being released in 2022, it was apparently recorded back in the early 00s while Kokane was working on Dr. Dre's "2001" LP but shelved for over twenty years. It manages to sound vintage P-funk, 90s G-Funk, and modern all at the same time. Kokane is a real "if you know, you know" artist who has been putting in work for many years, has collaborated with almost everyone you can name, and keeps on bringing the heat!

[Erick Sermon] Tha Truth : Red Lights (U Gotz 2 Chill '96) (instrumental)

If you know me, you know I love Zapp and Roger Troutman, which means that EPMD's classic "You Gots To Chill" single is a firm favourite. On this R&B single from Tha Truth, who only released one album back in 1997, they came out of the gate strong with Erick Sermon on production, reprising his sampling of "More Bounce To The Ounce" and even throwing in the "chill" sample from his original beat. Shout out to DJ Melo D of Beat Junkies, who was the only person I've heard playing this and the one who told me (on Twitch) what it was!

Diamond D, Sadat X, and Lord Finesse : You Can't Front

A great album cut, loved by those in the know, taken from the early 90s classic "Stunts, Blunts, and Hip-Hop". Buckwild and Diamond's production is both clean and still vintage SP-era magic, with Diamond also grabbing the mic to spit a verse between two other greats. Sadat X was the perfect choice to go first, with his unique tone drawing you in immediately, and Lord Finesse brings it home strong.

Common : Dreamin'

For those that have missed the early chatter, here's a sample of the upcoming Common and Pete Rock LP, which promises to channel the specific forms of energy that each artist brought to their 90s work. If this beautifully-produced tale of a dream of a walk with Black greats both living and transitioned is anything to go by, we're in for a treat!

The Kid Daytona : Fly Lullaby

A deep cut from the 9th Wonder production discography, working with a loop that Pete Rock teased us with between tracks on "The Main Ingredient". The Kid Daytona is definitely a grown man now, but this was an early release from the Bronx native on his "The Interlude" mixtape from 2010 - where every track sampled some kind of intro or interlude from another Hip-Hop track. This is exactly the kind of overlooked track I like to throw in for anyone who might have missed it!

Dogg Pound ft. Snoop Dogg, RBX, and The Lady Of Rage : Who Da Hardest?

A grand reunion - would have left it to the last song as it is on the new Dogg Pound "W.A.W.G" album, but it fit so well here sonically that I changed my mind! For a coming together of West Coast legends, the biggest surprise is them bringing DJ Premier in on production, and maybe the most welcome is the featuring of The Lady of Rage, who has been a universally-loved MC since her star turn on "Afro Puffs". It's pretty long, but there's no instrumental outro and I didn't want you to miss out any of the MCs, so you get the whole thing here!

Terrace Martin & James Fauntleroy : Butterfly Effect

"Gotta stop taking life advice from songs" - I'd say that was good advice, but then that's also what you might call a circular problem! We go fully chill at the end of this section, with the undeniable and unmistakable voice and vocal production of James Fauntleroy alongside modern jazz legend Terrace Martin with a track from their joint "Nova" EP.

Marco Polo : Yung Feathers

The man from Toronto with a trademark bit of modern boom-bap on this final instrumental, a track from his "MP on the MP : The Beat Tape Vol.1" release, a great pickup for anyone who appreciates good Hip-Hop production.

M-Beat ft. Nazlyn : Sweet Love

A big switch-up to end the episode, with a vintage UK track - a jungle remake of Anita Baker's 1986 classic "Sweet Love" with Nazlyn on vocals. Even as someone who didn't like jungle when it first emerged, I couldn't deny this one, an absolute classic reworking. I understand it actually sold well - hitting a high of no.18 in the charts back in 1994 - which goes to show that just sometimes, the public at large catches on to some real quality.

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

[bepatientandpersistent]

My constant thought these days is "life is weird". I don't even know how to elaborate on that. This is probably going to be a long rambling nonsensical post. You can read if you want, obviously that's why I put it on here, but I just learned how to put things under the "keep reading" cut. I know, I'm super late 😂 but I don't post on here like I'd like to.

I feel like I've just had so many feelings recently. Today one kind of surprised me because I thought "it's gonna be okay". Like, I tell myself that all the time, because life is a struggle and I need to remind myself to keep going and that things WILL in fact be okay. But today the thought occurred to me subconsciously without me having to force it. So, maybe things will actually be okay.

I've been really struggling financially for a couple months. Well, actually about 7 months, since my mom's income got suspended (she's on SSI). We finally got that resolved last month and it helps a ton, she can pay her own bills now. But my bills are behind because I was helping her AND I chose to go down to one day a week at the hotel. I have been doing door dash and spark deliveries for a few months and those options were pretty stable, but now they aren't as busy as they were. I spend many hours each week waiting for deliveries, and sometimes they just dont come. I've resorted to just leaving bills unpaid or overdrafting my bank account to pay them. When I do that, my bank charges me $36 per day that I'm overdrafted. It's a killer. I had to borrow a large sum of money from one of my good friends yesterday, and it just barely covered the overdraft I had.. I will be able to pay him back, and he's allowing me to pay in payments. Im so thankful for him.

I start my new big-girl hospital job on Monday! I'm excited but nervous. I can't believe it's finally here and happening. I take my NCLEX on the 10th. I haven't been studying like I should because all of every day has been spent doing and waiting for deliveries. My goal for today is to answer 100 review questions, maybe more of I can but AT LEAST 100. I have the resources to do it and today I have the time, I just need to make myself. I'm doing that after I post this.

I'll get my first paycheck and a $6500 sign-on bonus check on the 22nd. I just hope I can hold out on money until then. My commute to work will be ~40 minutes each way, and that takes gas. 5 days a week throughout June. After that I may go down to 3 days a week but that's to be determined.

My mom and I have been bickering about money and bills for weeks. We don't live together and our bills are technically separate but we help each other. If I have money and she needs something paid or needs something, I help her, and vice versa. Sometimes one of us will spend money on something unnecessary and it causes a rift. Because money is so tight right now. I don't feel like I should have to explain where every cent of my money goes, but I understand why she gets frustrated. We are broke. I am so ready for us to not have to share money and bills and to be able to do as I wish with the money I make. That's where my frustration comes in also: most of the money we have to spend is mine. I work 3 jobs right now, soon to be 4. If I want to spend the money I work my ass off for, I can do that. I just have to face the consequences of it sometimes..

I'm still living with my aunt and uncle and since my income will be much higher here soon, the thought of getting my own place has crossed my mind. My mom would like for us to live together. I'm not convinced that's a good idea. I'd love to have my own space and there are things I dislike about living with family. My dad may also potentially be moving here before the year is up. He probably wouldn't have a job immediately so he would either have to stay with my mom (in her living room) or with me in my own place. My mom complains about him constantly when he stays at her apartment. If like to avoid that if possible. I also don't enjoy the thought of having to move houses in the summer, that just sounds terrible. Plus, it would give me a few months to save up for deposits and moving costs.. no plans are set in stone yet, but moving this year is a definite possibility.

I've been trying to get back in the mindset of getting healthy and losing weight. I've stopped drinking sodas again (4 days ago) and am consequently drinking more water. However, I started smoking cigarettes again about 1.5 months ago and haven't kicked the habit yet. I am determined to make this pack the last and wait before I start work on Monday... I think I can do it. I haven't been any more active. My scale still says 266, which is 1 pound less than my high weight. At least it's not more right? I just know I'm going to be miserable working as a nurse being this overweight and out of shape. Part of me wants to try keto again because I know it will make me lose weight fast. But I can never keep up with it, I always quit right after it starts working. I'm still trying to decide what I want to do.. trying to decide what I think I can stick with.

I need to call my storage place and pay for my unit. I need to call and pay a loan. I need to go tomorrow to buy scrubs for work. I need to go study. I think I'll end this post there. I'm sorry if you've read this far 😅 I didn't know where I was going with it lol. I feel like I have lots more to say but I'll continue later.

[arty-shadow-morningstar]

Graveyard Siblings (4)

I am sorry for not posting in a while. School is a total bitch. Here is part 4 of a fic that is not a fic.

[Masterlist]

(Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)

-------

Tall Marinette.(I admit I might be projecting a little here.)

One day, she took out something from someplace high and the whole family realized that ‘holy shit when did you get so tall?’

Bonus if Jason comes back from a long mission and had a wtf moment because she was wearing 6-inch-heels and met his eyes with them on.

“Pixie?!”

------

You know how Bruce has the identity of Matches Malone to infiltrate the Gotham Underground.

While Jason does the drug deals more street crime stuff, Maria uses an excuse of being the representative for Red Hood excuse to mingle with the rich people who does crime on the side (Penguin), she uses it to go to black market auctions and buy some of the lost miraculouses which got into the hands of black market dealers.

Jason knows about it and acts as her ‘bodyguard’ anytime he can or sends one of his henchmen to be one with a death threat if she gets a single scratch on her.

Bruce is unaware of this. Or is he?

------

Mari helps with running WE since she is a little less busy with the vigilante side of things.

It started with Tim panicking about deadlines and Mari offering to help, to Bruce and Tim bullying the board to have her as co-CEO.

She has to be that and head of Afterlife. So she is very busy. Doesn’t know about what comes next….

------

Somehow the class comes to Gotham for a trip. It has been 3 years since her death.

Mari has changed her appearance since the day she left Paris. She has highlights in her hair after a ‘sibling bonding day’ with Jason. Her hair is kept short for convenience and not in pigtails. Along with her tall height and more confident aura, she is almost unrecognizable.

She rides a motorcycle too.

The class waits in the lobby for the tour and in walks this badass woman with aviator sunglasses, leather jacket and designer clothes which was all MT brand, making a lot of people swoon.

She takes off her glasses and walks past the class. Checking stuff on her phone and sipping coffee in her other hand.

She seems familiar but they couldn’t figure out why. (All except Chloe, Alix and Felix who are snickering in the background.)

Lila sees her and comments on how she must be a criminal with the way she dresses. (Lila internally freaks out because were her eyes messing with her? Because she looked a little like Marinette. Also jealous of the new arrival for stealing all the attention.) Alya takes the bait and calls security to ‘arrest’ her.

They just laugh. The class doesn’t understand, speaking in confused French.

-------------

“I am Maria Todd-Wayne, also known as designer MT. CEO of Afterlife and co-CEO of the very company you are in. I am allowed in here. Don’t judge a book by its cover.” she said in perfect French.

“But Lila told us you can’t speak French.”

“Who?”

“Lila Rossi, your friend. She told us that you and MT were dating.”

“Me dating myself. Okay I love myself because self-love is a thing but that is a whole other level. MT are my initials. Anyone who has a brain could have figured that out or at the very least do a Google search. I am not sure where your friend got that notion.”

“Hey, Bean, come on. We have a long day ahead of us.” Tim reminded her.

“Goodbye but cease the rumours or you would be escorted off the premises.”

As they rode up the elevator, “Tim, why are they here?”

“They are the lucky winners of the Wayne Enterprise Young Prodigies Contest. Why, Maria?”

“Lucky, huh.” She muttered under her breath. She might as well tell him. They are the Bats and they will find out anyway. “They are from my old class, the one you know…”

“Oh. Want me to send them back? I can do that if they are making you uncomfortable.”

“Nah. Too much to deal with. And it is unfair to send them back over a petty grudge. Besides, I could have some fun.”

“Anything that Bruce and I should be worried about?”

“I swear no killing. Just because Jason came back from the dead, hell-bent on killing. Doesn’t mean I am too.”

“Cool, just don’t do any property damage or traumatize our employees.”

“I might need you to erase some footage later and tell Bruce about this.”

“Some brownies, my favourite coffee cake, the ‘special’ brew and you have yourself a deal.”

-----

So basically she just showed up around where the class was ‘by coincidence’.

Talk to a few people and take them out of earshot of the rest of the class.

End the conversation by saying a few things only they and her would know. Insides jokes and secrets. (I pick her old childhood friends like, Nino, Kim and maybe Sabrina)

Uses Trixx to turn into a walking dead version of her 15-year old self and disappears as they freak out about how she knew that secret/story.

Freaks them out further by appearing again in front of the whole class and pretending not to know their previous conversation.

Mari manages to get Lila alone.

I should also say that Lila thought that her curse was making her see MT as Marinette.

It terrifies Lila when she finds out that MT is actually Marinette, not dead but alive after all this time and apparently living the high life she wanted. This fact made the Italian swell up with jealousy.

“I hope you are not lying about me again, Lila Rossi. Like you always do.”

“What do you want with me? I swear I didn’t say anything else about you.”

“Aw, Lila. Don’t recognize me?”

Maria flickers and Ladybug is in her place and later, the Marinette that appeared in her bedroom and back to normal.

“You! How? Why are you here? Why can’t you leave me alone?”

“Why not? I mean you did take away nearly all my friends, my parents and made my life a living hell. If you think about it, I am just repaying you the same favor. How are the others? Treating you well?”

“What did you do to me, you bitch?”

“I just put a curse on you. The ghosts of your past will haunt you until you stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop Lying, Liar. They all feed and grow in power from your lies. I wonder what would happen in a few years if you kept this up.”

“You think you can get away with this. This is war and I have already beaten you once.”

“Oh Rossi. This isn’t a war. It’s a death sentence.” With that she disappears.

Lila tries to tell her class that MT is actually Marinette. She is met with crazy looks. Some of them look like they want to believe her but don't because they don’t want to look crazy too.

Oh. Adrien wasn’t on the trip because his mother didn’t want him to go to the crime capital of America although the crime rate has gone down a little due to Hellbat curing some of the city’s bad energy..

Right after Lila told the class about MT, Scarecrow came to steal some Wayne tech and the class got caught in the crossfire. So later, it was brushed off as Lila seeing things due to the fear toxins.

-----

Joker made the mistake of kidnapping her. Once was enough to never try that again.

(It involved the use of nearly all of the Miraculouses, old and new. He was thoroughly humiliated at the end of it and his picture by the time Hellbat was done with him was on the Batfam’s Christmas Card. Like I said she doesn’t kill but making them beg for death was okay.)

It coincided with Jason’s Birthday and the video of the incident was ‘the best birthday present ever.’ The uncensored version was watched at the next undead siblings bonding day. Damian included.

After hearing a few rumours about what happened, most criminals were glad for Hellbat’s rare appearances. (which happens once a month and during really busy time of the year)

There was a time where Penguin was carrying out one of their plans and when Hellbat showed up, all of their thugs surrendered instantly. (No Batman did not pout at the fact that this French girl was more imitating than him.)

Scarecrow used his newest batch of fear toxin on her during the first year after she died.

He was astounded to see her still standing and she later proceeded to beat the crap out of him while being under the toxin’s influences.

He has tried to stay out of her way since then.

She saw Scarecrow as Hawkmoth and said a lot of things in French which scared everyone because she said it with so much hate, anger and in a very menacing tone that everyone is like ‘I am not touching this.’

It took Red Hood and Nightwing to restrain her from further beating Scarecrow up.

He was one of the people who sympathised with the Joker after the Incident.

The next was Riddler being so arrogant in his plans and managed to get Hellbat and Spoiler into a death trap.

“You know I have a few regrets in life. And my final one is that I got captured and am now going to get killed by a walking fashion disaster.”

“Hey! I made this myself. I will have, you know.”

“You have a brilliant mind but no sense of fashion at all. When I get out of here, I am going to burn that thing with you in it, for your crimes against fashion.”

“What is wrong with it?”

Cue a lot of roasting of Riddler’s costume and Spoiler adding more fuel to the fire.

They manage to escape while Riddler is crying on the floor, having an existential crisis.

The thing was no one knows why Riddler was silent the entire week after encountering Hellbat and crying when anyone mentions it.

They now think Hellbat is the scariest one in the Batfamily, second to Batman and tied with Black Bat/Orphan.

The few who find out what really happened in the warehouse that night. Blackmail material on the Riddler.

Three ( four if you count Penguin) of Gotham’s biggest villains of the Rogues Gallery scared of Bats’ newest addition. Hellbat was not someone they wanted to mess with.

---------

Magic crisis stuff. Like a world ending event thing. Dr. Fate says they need the Miraculous jewels but the last mention of them had been in Paris a few years ago and had vanished since then.

Costantine looked at Batman. “You know who you have to call.”

Batman calls Hellbat. Who hasn’t been introduced yet to the JL.

“Ah. Bats. Not that I question your authority or anything but how can your newest ‘ward’ help us?”

She takes off her helmet and reveals her face and more importantly, her earrings.

Tikki comes out of her hiding place.

“I am the current Guardian of the Miracle Box and wielder of the Ladybug miraculous during Hawkmoth’s reign in Paris a few years ago. Any other Questions?”

“Oh great Guardian. Tikki. It is an honour to meet you.”-Wonder Woman, who else.

“You too, Princess Diana. Pass on my regards to your mother.”-Tikki

A huge face-off and the big evil is defeated.

WW asks abt HM and gives a horrified face at the end of her story. Nearly everyone who eavesdropped on the conversation was.

"Forgive me, Guardian for not aiding you in your hour of need.”

“It’s okay. I understand that there are other crises, world-ending ones that JL have to take care of. I am better now. Mostly.”

“I doubt it with those revenge schemes I found lying around. But she is getting there with her therapist.”-Batman

“I hate you, Dad.”

“Did you just call him Dad?”

“No….”

“Do you see me as a father figure?”

“I see you as a nuisance with how nosy you are with my personal business. So you are more of a bother figure.”

“I see you as part of the family too, Daughter.” (Got that reference anyone?)

“Jason was the one who adopted me.”

“Legally you are adopted by me.”

Maria with Pikachu surprised face because nobody told her that. “My life is a lie.”

-------

(Part 5)

[wonwoonlight]

📣: ex!Soonyoung // post break up! au // drunk yn // 1900~ words (lol) // [ft. friend!Junhui]

warning: alcohol, a lot of curses i guess, mc is v insecure and often put herself down T-T

- lowkey inspired by Let's Have a Drink by Gyeongseo and SunnysideMJ ^^

A/N: ah, been so long since i wrote angst and the only thought that came to me after this was: i AM getting rusty after all lol. anw, thank you for the request, anon! i ended up choosing hoshi and changed some things here and there, i hope thats okay ^^ enjoy and hopefully this isnt as bad as i thought it is jdhfbdjshbh

find the rest of requested drabble here

“Please let me take you home, hm?” Junhui asks you, which once again you refuse because you definitely don’t want to go home. Not when you’re just going to wallow in misery surrounded by Soonyoung’s traces. You’d rather be here, surrounded by strangers in a small bar down the street, and drink your ass off even though it means you’ll have to deal with being hungover the next morning—it’s better than having to deal with his memories.

Your friend looks at you in worry, it’s been almost three months since your break up with Soonyoung and he’s the main witness of you still not being able to function normally now that Soonyoung’s not on your side. As someone who genuinely cares about you, it’s more than concerning even though the drinking episode doesn’t happen often; just once in a while when the day has been extra shitty or your period is nearing (your words, not his).

He doesn’t even know what actually happened, just that you’ve called him in the middle of the night to say it’s over between you and Soonyoung. Junhui couldn’t come over, but he stayed on the phone with you until 4 in the morning. He still doesn’t know who called it off, you’ve just said it’s over and Junhui has never been one to prod when one doesn’t wish to talk.

Junhui has also never been one to meddle with other people’s relationships no matter how close he is with that person, which is why he’s just stayed neutral over the whole break up debacle. He still talks to Soonyoung even though there’s an obvious distance between the two of them compared to before.

Right now, he’s battling himself on whether or not to call Soonyoung here because he’s tired for you. He doesn’t mind looking after you, even believes that it’s his job as a friend to make sure you’re okay. But it’s getting harder to see his friend being miserable and not being able to do anything about it when he knows the source of the problem who will (hopefully) be able to put this misery to an end.

You’ve finished a bottle of soju on your own now, which means one or two shots away from your maximum capacity.

“Let me make a call real quick, okay?” he decides in the end, and you just nod at him before you slurp on your ramyeon. If you’re being honest, there’s no difference between being miserable here and at home. After all, this bar used to be your go-to place with Soonyoung when it’s evening and the both of you felt like eating out. If there’s a place that reminds you of him more than your place, it’s definitely this bar.

You smile sadly at the memory, pouring yourself another shot of soju before you down it in one go. You wince at the bitterness, coughing a little to yourself. Why is Junhui not back yet? You shrug to yourself, eating your ramyeon again just so your drink won’t be going into your system by itself.

After another shot or two (or was it three? You don’t know anymore.), the chair in front of you is pulled out again and you almost fall out of your seat when you look up to see Soonyoung there, looking awkward but also worried. That doesn’t make sense. You’ve had too much drink again, haven’t you? Your brain must’ve mistaken Junhui for Soonyoung because of the alcohol.

“Hey, Junhui,” you say with a lazy grin, and ‘Junhui’ doesn’t say anything, simply looks at your tired smile and the growing dark circles under your eyes. “I must’ve drunk too much. You look like Soonyoung now.”

He just tilts his head to the side, but you continue speaking because you’re too drunk to shut up and you can’t stop giggling because, fuck, you’ve missed Soonyoung so much that his image is manifested in front of you right now when you know for sure it’s Junhui who’s sitting there.

“You must’ve been sick of me by now, right?” you giggle to yourself, though you really do feel bad for Junhui because he’s been taking care of you since that day. “I’m sorry for troubling you a lot these days. Thank you for always being with me, though.”

Your friend still doesn’t say anything, but you figure you’re much too emotional now to care and you just want to express your gratitude while you’re at it. “It’s just… I know you see firsthand it’s been hard for me, but I never expect it to be this hard. It’s… it’s actually me who asked to break up, you know? Which is very stupid because I’m the miserable one when Soonyoung’s very happy by himself and—tell you what, maybe it’s not that stupid, after all. If… if he’s happier without me then it means I made a good decision leaving him, right?”

Junhui moves to sit beside you to help you sit up, because you definitely don’t have it in you to hold yourself up now and you just want to be embarrassingly miserable. One of his arms go around you for support and, if you’re not sure before, you’re 100% sure you’re drunk now because Junhui feels like Soonyoung and even smells like him.

And because you’re not currently right in the head, you decide to lean into his touch because you miss him so much even though this is just a fragment of your imagination. Maybe, just maybe, it’ll get better after this because you finally cave in to your longing towards him. You can feel one of his hands cradles your head, placing it on his shoulder and the other rubs your back.

“I… didn’t even tell him why I wanted to end it,” you sniff to yourself as tears pool in your eyes, Junhui deserves to know even if it’s months too late after putting up with you until this very day. “Just told him I wanted to break up and then I blocked him everywhere just in case I’d call him out of nowhere. He... he tried knocking on my doors a few times but I had to pretend like I wasn’t home until he eventually stopped.”

“Why?” his voice is soft, so soft that you almost didn’t hear it if it’s not because you’re literally leaning on his shoulder. Fuck, he even sounds like Soonyoung now.

“You know Shinji, right? From his class?” you ask, not even waiting for him to answer before you continue. “I… overheard her talk about Soonyoung and how he’s too good for me. That she’d make a better partner for him, and he’d probably get bored with me after a while and it’s just… it hits me, you know? That she’s probably right. That he should’ve been with someone who fits him and that’s not me and I—"

“Ssshh,” he moves you to his chest as you choke on your words, tears falling down your face from recalling all the self-loathing thoughts you’ve been holding against yourself even from before the Shinji episode. It’s been some time since you’ve gotten insecure about yourself, and all of it is for you to blame because Soonyoung never did anything that might suggest he’s not satisfied with who you are.

On the contrary, he’s always tried his best to remind you he loved you all the same no matter what. And even though you believed him, your inner demon wouldn’t stop at that and Shinji, easily one of the most gorgeous girls you’ve ever seen in your life, saying those words out of her mouth only trapped you further into those thoughts.

“Hey, I’m here. It’s okay,” his voice is so sogentle, one that you’re familiar with though you’re still convinced your head is messing with you. There’s no way Soonyoung is here with you when you’ve one-sidedly broken up with him without any actual explanation. “Angel, come on. Look at me, hm?”

Your head snap up at the petname, pretty sure Junhui would never say that to you. You probably look like a mess now, eyes red and puffy with tears streaming down your face, but the man in front you doesn’t seem to mind. He just smiles a little as his hand wipes your tears, his own heart hurting at the sight of you.

“S—Soonyoung?” you shakily call his name, because it can’t be him. It just can’t.

“Yes, it’s me,” he nods, and, even through your blurry vision, you can tell that there’s a sad smile in his face. His hands move to cup your face, wiping the remaining tears from your face. Oh, how he misses to be this close to you. “Should I take you home?”

You shake your head, still not believing he’s here, let alone offering to take you home. “W—why are you here?”

Soonyoung mumbles something along the line of ‘would you even remember if I tell you?’, but he proceeds to say Junhui has finally called him because he’s too worried to let you be any longer. “So, please, let me take you home, okay?”

“B—but why?”

“Because you’re too drunk and couldn’t even differentiate me and Junhui earlier?”

“No, I—I mean,” you try to speak through your hiccups. “Why would you want to take me home? Y—you should hate me after what I did.”

He sighs at your question, absolutely convinced you wouldn’t even remember his reason even if he tells you. He feels something squeezing his heart at your hoarse voice, at your soft hiccups, at your tired eyes and the way you’re talking as if he shouldn’t be taking care of you.

He knows you’ve always been a harsh judge towards your own self, though he never thinks it was to this extend. To think you even said it was a good decision to leave him because he lookshappier when you’re like this… he can’t even be mad, just plain sad and maybe a little wronged. But mostly, he just wants to clear things up when you’re sober.

When Junhui has called him earlier, he’d never think it’d be because of this. But he’s glad he did, because he’s actually been meaning to reach out to you again and see if you’ll finally tell him what went wrong that day—that maybe it was just a mistake that he could’ve prevented. And, even though he practically has got the answer now, he’d still rather talk about it again when you’re not like this.

After persuading you some more, you eventually agree to let him take you home. His arm around your waist to help you walk, but only because you refuse to get on to his back. He’s very glad to find your passcode is still the same, because he’s pretty sure you would take 5 more minutes to put in the right code otherwise.

Once you’re on your room—gosh, he’s missed being here so much—you wouldn’t let go of his hand after he’s tucked you into your blanket. “No, don’t let go.”

He smiles a little at your voice, weren’t you the one who said he shouldn’t be taking care of you earlier?

“I’m not going anywhere, alright?”

“Lies,” you say softly, though there’s no venom in your voice because you just sound downright dejected which hurts Soonyoung more than he thinks possible. “You’d probably be gone when I wake up. You’re just an imagination, after all.”

“I’ll be here,” he promises, kissing the back of your hand as a seal even though you're already drifted off to sleep. There’s no way he’s letting you go again after tonight.

[madamedevien]

Infernal Heat

Hey! It’s been a while - I really miss you guys.  Anyway, I know that a lot of you were keeping up to date with my Mammon x GN! Reader fic...while I’m updating it regularly on my AO3, I thought that I’d post the chapters that I’ve got here as well. I’m planning for it to be a 4 chapter fic, but let’s see how that goes! Warnings in tags (both here and AO3) - monster fucking comes into play much more come Chapter 3 and 4. The biggest thanks to @mawwart for their inspiration and @popcherrypop for reading over what I had all those months ago and actually helping me find direction. I’ve got a bigger/cheesier spiel on AO3, but anyway. Fingers crossed that the ‘Keep Reading’ line shows up here...

Chapter 1: Embers

The Great Mammon had woken up in a mood. He'd felt this creeping up for days now and he wished that it would just come and go already. It was hella distracting to have a constant tug of warmth and want in your gut, y'know? And it was annoying to feel the incessant need to primp and to add to the nest of pillows, blankets, sentimental and decorative items that now overtook most of his bed. But he was due a heat cycle. Annoyingly, he felt that it was probably going to settle in properly on that particular day and he'd been wrangled into going shopping by you. And for whatever reason he'd agreed. Not because he had a crush on you or anything. Damn, he couldn't even remember what you two were meant to be shopping for, that's how addled his mind was. Mammon really just wanted to stay put and perfect his nest. Maybe show it off to you. Although he wasn't sure if you'd appreciate the fact that he'd stolen a few items of yours while on laundry duty to tuck into said nest. Or that he wanted to maybe do something kind of nasty to a piece of your clothing. If not you. 

But would you want to? To see his nest? To lay in it, lay with him, to mate with him? He wanted you to. So very, very badly. He didn’t feel like he deserved you but, oh, to say that he wanted you was a vast understatement. Fuck. 

He groaned and threw one of his tanned arms over his eyes. The silveret realised that he was going to have to partially dislodge his beautiful nest to pull out Goldie (he couldn't go shopping without her - the very thought was offensive!) and that he was going to have to get rid of his raging boner before he faced you. 

So into a cold shower he trudged, loudly cursing the whole time.

---

Longest shopping trip in fucking history. 

It seemed like you were in need of freakin' everything imaginable. He wasn't to know that you were actually just taking your time because it'd been a while since the two of you had some time to yourselves. The demon had been acting strangely around you the past few days, although he was completely oblivious to just how weird it’d been for you.

And today, the Avatar of Greed just wasn't engaging. Questions went unanswered, as if he hadn't heard even when clearly looking at you, no boasting or sulking occurred, no bets or harebrained schemes hatched...he didn't even take you up on your offer of Hell Sauce Noodles! The demon was completely disinterested in all of this - the only thing he was interested in was you. He was also trying very very hard not to let his thoughts slip into anything inappropriate. Which was probably the single most difficult thing he’d had to do in all of his many years. Mammon wanted to take your hand and lace your fingers together; to shamelessly nuzzle your cheek in front of everyone on Silent Avenue. The thought made his heart swell. Better yet, if you were mated, he could kiss you in front of the whole crowd before publicly mounting you and-

Damn, it was hard to keep lewd thoughts at bay. He could feel his cheeks burning and looked away when your concerned expression turned to him. 

On the trek home (finally!), he fell into a lazy pace behind you and Mammon couldn’t help it as you walked together. His cerulean gaze raked over the beautiful curve in your neck - the space was perfect. In his mind, he could see how perfectly his head would fit and how the mark he could leave there would only accentuate the beauty of your skin. It’d be a gorgeous brand that would loudly proclaim to all, ‘I am mated to THE Great Mammon, the Avatar of Greed and Second of the Seven; don’t you dare even think to touch me’. The very notion only caused the flush of heat over his skin to worsen and his breath to hitch; he wanted to tear into his flesh to relieve himself of the insufferable and fiery itch.

The same thoughts washed over his brain again and again like some cruel tide, even once you'd passed through the doors of the House of Lamentation.

It took only a scant moment. He didn’t even think. The silver haired demon was aware that he was losing his mind due to his damned biology, but he didn’t realise that he was so far gone that he would do something so stupid. It was only your screech that alerted him to the fact that he had pulled you tight to his chest, that he was actually in the process of sinking sharp fangs into your supple skin. The sudden realisation made him tear off of you in surprise. 

Beel had been the first to burst through a doorway and into the corridor. The redhead stopped dead in his tracks and stared wide-eyed at the two of you; you with your hand clamped over the section of your neck that had been bitten, and Mammon an arm’s length away from with a look of abject horror painted over his handsome features. Stupid Mammon, indeed. The next to burst in was Lucifer, who looked ready for a proper melee. The sound that had come from you had genuinely startled the older brother, not that he’d admit that if asked. As his garnet gaze took in the scene before him, his mouth twisted unpleasantly. “Mammon…” Lucifer’s voice was dangerously low. Mammon shook his head urgently in response, “Nonono, Luci, it didn’t - I mean, yeah, it is what it looks like an’ I didn’t mean ta, but it...it’s not deep enough. Y’know?” The second brother sounded desperate. Mammon anxiously twisted his rings around his tanned fingers and had to fight back the tears that threatened the edges of his vision. He could have hurt you. “Oh, I think you’ll find that it’s more than deep enough.” Lucifer stalked toward you and put his hand on top of the one you were using to cover your wound. “Let me see how much damage the fool inflicted on you”. Mammon could see the frown that pulled at your mouth as you revealed the bite mark to his brother. No proper damage - the indents might linger, but no blood had been drawn; no skin had been broken. 

“It was more from the surprise than pain, Lucifer. I just wasn’t expecting someone to bite me, you know? That’s the kind of thing that I’d expect more from a very hungry Beel.” Your attempt to lighten the mood only made the Avatar of Pride’s expression sour further - but Beel muttered a small, “Fair”. Lucifer sounded positively glacial when he spoke again. “Beelzebub, please take our brother to his room." The Avatar of Gluttony nodded solemnly, gently taking the second eldest’s shoulder. Mammon stared miserably at the floor, guilt clearly written on his flushed face although he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He didn’t trust himself to. Not after such a stupid stunt. As the other two made their way up the stairs, Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose. 

This wouldn’t be pleasant.

--

It was no surprise to Mammon that Lucifer texted him shortly after the whole ordeal. He was just thankful that Lucifer hadn’t decided to come up to his room and literally tear into him after biting you. Of all the people to bite in the entire Devildom, it just had to be you didn’t it? Lucifer: Mammon. I have strictly instructed the household that you are not to be disturbed until I have given the all clear. You will stay in your room and I will bring you provisions at regular intervals. If you need anything, you will let me know. Are we clear? Mammon: Yes. Lucifer: Good. He waited, hopeful that Lucifer would provide an update on you. After an eon of waiting (which was actually all of seven minutes) he decided to ask. Mammon: Are they okay?

Lucifer: They are. And they will continue to be so long as you stay in your room and do not venture out. Ensure that you lock your door and remember to take your pheromone blockers as well or the whole house will reek of your mating scent. What were brothers for, if not a good motivational speech? --- Chapter 2: Flames Even with Lucifer’s reminder, Mammon had forgotten to take the pheromone blockers and to lock the door. He’d been far too distracted; worrying about your state of health, whether he’d damaged your relationship beyond repair, still trying to keep the lewd thoughts at bay, his instincts fretting over the piece of nest that had been dismantled earlier… It was a lot to be preoccupied with, okay? Without the pheromone blockers, the corridor outside of Mammon’s room was thick with the sweet perfume of a demonic male in heat. It was rich and cloying, the kind of scent that would cling to one’s clothes much to the annoyance of the other residents (Asmodeus excluded).  Mammon, however, didn’t care. He was too busy now attempting to cool the heat in the pit of his stomach and to regain some clarity of mind. An attempt at sleep had been made once his nest had been repaired and Goldie tucked into her rightful place, the lights turned down low and his clothes discarded to some far corner so that he could crawl into the nest in a comfortable state...but how could he sleep when obscene images of you kept popping into his head?  At first, he had tried to keep some semblance of his mind. The demon didn’t like to lose control during his heats. If he could keep his mind, he would keep to his more humanoid forms - and that was what he wanted. Because if you did, by chance, happen upon him...well. He didn’t want to scare you. Before he allowed himself to spiral into the anxiety of your imagined reaction, he reached for his ridiculously large bottle of lube. If he was going to dwell on the thought of anything, it was going to be how good he knew you’d feel… --- Mammon wouldn’t have been able to say how much time had passed. He had brought himself to orgasm more times than he could count - but it only seemed to just take off the edge. A demon’s heat was never an easy thing, but why was this time around so damn difficult?  Satan would have been able to answer that with ease, the smug bastard; if a demon chooses a mate they will, naturally, be most inclined to couple with said mate for optimal breeding. To not couple with a chosen mate could make a heat worse - but to withhold coupling at all? Well, it would be a foolish endeavour.  The Avatar of Greed hadn’t realised just how he was slipping ; wings and horns had appeared without him even registering and his fangs had dropped to a predatory length (which he only noticed when he had apparently attempted to put a mating mark on a pillow covered in one of your stolen shirts that he’d been desperately rutting against, much to his embarrassment).  His breathing was rough. Mammon was equal parts exhausted and invigorated. He wanted nothing more than to let his knees fall out from under him so that sleep would hopefully take him - he wanted to stalk down the hall and into your room and fuck you senseless. And if Lucifer found out? Well, Mammon would love to see him try to pry you from his arms.  The very thought made him snarl, his grip on his cock tightening. It was enraging to even think that his brother would dare, a thought that had him so preoccupied that he didn’t hear the door click open.  His blue eyes slipped over to you and the wet sound of him furiously fucking his fist stopped abruptly. It was impossible to tell which one of you was redder. This was not what he had been expecting. “Uh-” A rasp of your name interrupted you. “Didn’t Lucifer tell you not to come?” He watched as you nodded dumbly, “Yes”. Heavy breath was the only noise to pass between you several beats. The demon in front of you was wondering whether this was fate; you weren’t running, you looked interested and, fuck, you smelled so good. You smelled aroused and it made him growl; “C’mere then”. The way that you slammed the door and scampered toward him practically had him preening in pleasure. Just as eager, Mammon scrambled over to meet you, flustered yet excited, and hauled you up close to him. He bumped your foreheads together. From here it was easy to see how incredibly blown his pupils were, to feel how desperately ragged his breathing was. You were dangerously close. “Now, see here, I'm gonna give ya one chance to go. ‘Cause if I kiss ya, I’m not gonna be able to stop. I won’t be able to let ya go. You’ll be stuck with me for the whole fuckin’ ride, ya hear?” Holy shit, his voice was so strained. “Then kiss me, you dummy.” No repeat was necessary. Mammon threaded his fingers into your hair, hesitating for only the briefest moment before pressing his lips to yours. When you responded in kind his fervour, his deep rooted greed, quickly followed. He’d wanted to kiss you from day one and not a moment had gone by since  without him imagining it. This felt so incredibly right. But he couldn’t ignore the heat curling in his gut. He needed you, wanted you. And as far as he could tell, despite the dark whispers in the back of his mind saying otherwise, you seemed to feel the same.The way that you returned his greedy kisses, how your fingers had twisted sharply in his hair, how you didn’t seem to mind the messy clicking of his elongated fangs against your blunt teeth as he tried to figure out how best to navigate your mouth in this form - how could he deny that he was wanted?  Mammon's only regret when looking back on this evening with you would be not savouring your body laid bare for him for the first time. His mind was too heat-addled to appreciate it; he was unable to slowly peel off your layers and to have the sentiment returned in kind as he had previously fantasised about. In his mind’s eye, he had a whole big romantic gesture planned if you had decided to sleep with him. Previously, he had imagined how he would make love to you and treasure every moment of it...but alas… Your clothes were quickly stripped from you, sharp fangs nipping at new skin as it was exposed. There was no delicate treatment here and he paid no heed to the sound of torn material. When he next plundered your mouth, it was far smoother than the first time - he was a fast learner, after all.  The only complaint that he had about kissing you was that it muffled those beautiful noises of yours. When he broke the seal of your mouths it was to gently toss you back toward the top of the bed, deeper into his nest and into the comfort of a ridiculous amount of pillows - to properly secure you into his nest. To see you like that felt...good. It felt right. It was clear that was exactly where you belonged. The very image had him growling in satisfaction as he took the opportunity to crawl over your body, his fingers gripping at the meat of your thighs and hips as if ensuring that you were truly there with him. Thankfully, his nails had not yet turned into talons or they would have pierced through you with ease at the way that he handled your flesh.  Mammon had to take a deep breath when he looked at you this time. He needed to make sure that he didn’t hurt you while doing this - it was the last thing in the world that he wanted. It was unusual for the Avatar of Greed to put the needs of others before his own...but you weren’t just some ‘other’. You were you. His very own treasure, his very own mate. Reluctantly, a hand left your body to fish for something buried within the nest. “You’re fuckin’ gorgeous,” He coated his fingers generously in lube, desperate to ensure that he would cause as little pain as possible, “Just fuckin’ perfect”. Two fingers slipped into you as Mammon spoke, his tone low and hoarse. Never had he imagined just how difficult it would be to hold himself back like this, nor could he have been prepared for just how much desire he felt in that moment. The sensation of your hot core wrapped around his fingers had him shamelessly rutting against your thigh, a poor attempt at taking the edge off of his lust.  A human really had no business wrecking him like this. His heat cycles were normally pretty boring - desperate rutting for a day or two and then back to normal life. You had no right to set his skin aflame like this, no right to have him feel like he could cum just from the noise you made once he had three fingers fucking into your heat. The way his blood was rushing in his ears was deafening...and he wanted more. It didn’t take too long for it all to get too much. Even all of the dark hickies that he had furiously littered your neck, chest and shoulders with weren’t enough to distract him from the wet sound of his fingers preparing you or the stunning sounds he managed to pull from you when he got the angle of his hand just right.  Mammon would never admit it, but he kind of missed his target. The point of removing his hand from you had been to slip himself right in. Instead, as he kissed you he rolled his slick cock against your sex...which, to be fair, had felt better than your thigh. And if the sound that you’d made in response was anything to go by, you thought so too.  He liked that noise. A lot. So he rolled his hips against you again, groaning in response to you. Ever eager to please, the greedy demon found a rhythm that you both seemed to enjoy in the interim. “Ya like that, huh?” Mammon wasn’t sure where the cockiness in his tone was coming from when internally he felt so nervous. It was those very nerves that quickly had his hand moving to guide his cock to your entrance and thrusting into you before you could retort. Mammon didn’t realise it would silence both of you.  By no means was he a virgin. The Great Mammon would have it known that he was a proper Casanova type, thank you very much. He just didn’t realise how different it would feel coupling with someone that he truly and deeply loved. The heat causing that deep need to breed the closest thing with a pulse didn’t help things, of course.  It was...incredible, for lack of a better word. Divine. Mammon choked on an Infernal curse once seated completely in you and had to literally bite his tongue to keep an anchor on his self-control.  All of that hard earned control was thrown out the window when his name passed your lips.  There was no hesitation in how his hips pistoned, fucking into you relentlessly. His hands manoeuvred to cradle the back of your knees and he pushed your legs back to allow him more access to your body, his fingers gripping hard enough to bruise. The noises that left him were snaps and snarls of Infernal praise, not that he realised. The only thought on Mammon’s mind was his primal objective of breeding you until neither of you could move ; it didn’t matter whether you could actually fall pregnant or not. No logic or worry clouded his mind with these thoughts. All he could focus on was filling you with his seed until he couldn’t any more, the thought of your stomach tender and round because of his affections toward his mate... Mammon’s first orgasm came with an embarrassing quickness. When he spilled inside of you, his teeth sinking into the tender flesh of your chest, he was quickly filled with a relief and warmth that he hadn’t felt in ages. For the first time since his heat had set in, there was true clarity in his mind. While his natural instincts weren’t completely quelled, it was enough for him to actually think with something other than his adamantly pulsing dick. His relief quickly fell to mortification, the shadows of which were clear on his features when he pulled back to look at you. His cheeks were tinted red both from exertion and embarrassment ; he hadn’t paid enough attention to get you to climax. He was quick to stutter out your name, mouth tripping on the words that were trying to get out of his mouth as his sluggishly content brain tried to supply words just beyond reach. “What, isn’t The Great Mammon going to make me cum?” Your sass fanned the flames in his loins. A playful snarl was made in response, “Oh sweetheart. I’m going to make you cum so fuckin’ hard you black out. You won’t be able to feel your legs by the time I’m done with you”. And so The Great Mammon set to work. --- Mammon hummed contentedly as you lazily played with the hair at the nape of his neck hours later. This was perfection. Strong fingers stroked your thighs as he enjoyed the sensation of you wrapped around his hips, the pleasure of you sat on his lap while cuddled up together in your nest. The demon toyed with the thought of pushing his hips up just to make you gasp from the overstimulation, but decided against it. Although he was loath to admit it, you needed rest - because Mammon had been good to his word, ensuring that you both had more than your fair share of orgasms.  But this was good. The fire in his gut had died down to crackling embers, although he knew it would flare up again soon - but you would be there to help ease him through it. And you even seemed to like helping him out. What was the phrase… ‘mutually beneficial’? Somethin’ like that. His eyes fluttered open when he heard your chuckle. He couldn’t help but wonder if you knew how freakin’ stunning you were when you smiled like that. “What?” When your eyes met his, he was pouting frowning. The laugh that you let out only made his brow furrow more, “I said what. What’s got ya laughin’ like that, huh? You should be out like a freakin’ light by now”. It wasn’t until you replied that he realised how obvious it was, “I didn’t know that demons could purr”. Mammon squawked loudly and attempted to divert your attention - he sounded like a damn motor! It wasn’t fair! He wasn’t even able to control the way he was going off… It was embarrassing. “Well, yeah, y’know, sometimes. We’re incredible ‘n mysterious creatures us demons, y’know! Demons are capable of things that your human mind couldn’t even comprehend! Anyway, ’s not like ’s all the time or anythin’ like that…” He tried to occupy himself and forget about the heat radiating from his face by playing with your hair - but he could feel you smiling against the crook of his neck. “Yeah?” “Yeah.” The incredible and mysterious demon sounded more like a petulant child (well, a purring and petulant child). “So, when do you normally purr?” “I dunno. When we’re happy, I guess?” “Does that mean I haven’t made you happy before?” The way that he spluttered was definitely worth teasing him. “Who said that ya haven’t made me happy?! ‘N besides, this is different!” Even Mammon couldn’t deny that he was now pouting, but he tried to focus on the feeling of your fingers running along his shoulders. It was nice; soothing, even. Until he felt a sharp tug on the back of his neck.  “Ouch! You gotta be more gentle than that!” The look of surprise on your face made him want to curl in on himself. “Mammon - are those feathers?” “Phffft,” The greedy demon rolled his eyes and tried to deflect your query, “Shaddap. You dunno what you’re talking ‘bout”.  When your mouth opened again, he did take the opportunity to thrust sharply into you. At the gasp, he lurched forward with a passionate kiss. Simply to shut you up, of course. No hidden agenda. His pleased purring melted into a deep rumbling, the fire in his belly stoking itself back to life. It was impossible for him not to roll you over to allow him to bask in more of your shared passion. The laughter that ensued, laughter that he was sure was aimed at him, only made his heart swell as much as his cock.

[taestefully-in-luv]

Always You | JJK (Drabble#7)

Summary: You come back from Japan.

Pairing: Always You!Jungkook x female reader

Genre:, fluff!!

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: mentions of sex

Notes: Here is technically the first drabble I wrote but I am only now just posting hehe. it's just a lil something something. This isn’t the end of drabbles don’t worry! Remember requests for drabble ideas are open! Lets chat:)

Taglist: @seagulljk @fancycollectormoon @justinetingball

© taestefully-in-luv

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe it’s been a year since she left and you still get this nervous every time you see her.” Jimin playfully jabs Jungkook.

“Like, didn’t you just see her two months ago?”

Jungkook stands here, in the middle of the airport, holding a rose. He breathes in and out, his unsteady breaths making Jimin giggle.

“Two months is a long time ago dude.” Jungkook pouts, he brings the rose to his nose and takes a sniff, hoping the aroma will calm him.

“And she’s here for good now…and you know why I am so fucking nervous dude.” Jungkook keeps staring ahead, watching as crowds of people walk through the busy airport. His heart is slightly pounding as he watches in anticipation…you should be walking through at any moment.

“I know, I know.” Jimin smiles, “She’s going to love it.”

The last few months you were home before you left for Japan, you and Jungkook decided to get a place together. The few months you got to live together were pure bliss. Jungkook and you lived happily and comfortably together again, except this time sharing a room. You two did everything together, letting the newness of the relationship swallow you down in the most wonderful way. Cooking together, sleeping together, sometimes even bathing together. BFF bubble baths? Yeah, that. But naked. Just everything.

Jungkook had visited you in japan 3 or 4 times. But in a whole year only seeing you 3 or 4 times felt like nothing. He found himself feeling lonely quite often in your empty apartment but having the guys around really helped. Jungkook is beyond excited and also nervous to see you. He always feels this way, the distance that Japan put between the both of you really took a toll on him but he always stayed strong.

“I think I see her!” Jimin’s giddy voice makes it to Jungkook’s ears, “Let’s go!” Jimin grabs on to Jungkook’s arm and starts dragging him towards the crowd of people.

“Okay, okay.” Jungkook picks up his pace, his eyes scanning for you but he doesn’t see you. Why doesn’t he see you?

“Right there, right there!” Jimin begins pointing in some general direction. And then he sees you. He sees your bright green cardigan first and then he sees your smile next. Jungkook starts jogging towards you as his smile grows so fucking wide on his face, his teeth proudly displayed.

“y/n!” he calls out, now running towards you.

You see Jungkook making his way towards you, this boy is not slowing down. You start to laugh as you start walking faster and faster towards him too.

“Jungkook!” you yell at, not caring how loud you’re being. You are seeing your boyfriend for the first time in a couple months and you are so fucking excited. Especially because there is no more goodbyes after this.

Jungkook finally reaches you and scoops you up in his strong arms, he holds on to you so fucking tightly that you struggle to breathe. You’re laughing so loudly and hugging him back. He spins you around in a couple circles, his excitement is clear to any bystanders. Jimin finally catches up to you both and you catch his eye. You smile excitedly towards him and he slumps his shoulders in pout.

“I wanna hug her too Kook.” Jimin playfully frowns.

Jungkook keeps squeezing you, his head in the crook of your neck as he inhales you. He mumbles something into your hair and neither you nor Jimin understand what he said.

“My turn, my turn.” Jimin continues to whine. You can’t help but continue to giggle when Jungkook lifts his head from you and spins you around until he’s facing Jimin.

“No. All mine.” He says matter of fact and you hit his back.

“You have to share me, baby.”

“I most certainly do not.” Jungkook says in a stern voice and you start chuckling.

“Okay, okay. You can put me down now.”

Jungkook sets you down gently but he doesn’t loosen his grip around you. He continues to hold you, his eyes finally meeting yours. You look up at him and he feels himself transforming into a god damn puddle.

“Why do you look so beautiful, hm?” Jungkook leans in closer to you, “Why does my girl look so fucking beautiful?”

“Jungkook” you lean up until your lips barely touch his, “I missed you.” You whisper against his lips. Jungkook smiles and nods his head, he leans down to catch you in a sweet kiss.

Finally, he has you here. For good.

“Need I remind you, I am still here? And waiting for my hug and kiss too.” Jimin winks and you laugh into Jungkook’s kiss.

You finally pull away from Jungkook and he pouts dramatically, he does not want to let go of you ever again. You walk towards Jimin and embrace him fully, his arms go to wrap themselves around you with all his love. You guys sway your bodies back in forth in a tight hug, and you playfully kiss his cheek, making him burst out into giggles.

“Okay, back to me.” Jungkook softly whispers with doe eyes. “Back to me, back to me.” He repeats over and over, holding out his rose for you.

You finally notice the red flower and you start to turn a nice shade of pink as your blush deepens.

“For me?”

“No it’s for me.” Jimin deadpans, “Can you just take his flower already.”

You take a few steps until you’re in front of Jungkook and you reach out for the rose, your fingers brushing against his and even after all this time you feel butterflies fly in swarms in your stomach.

“This is so sweet, Jungkook.” You go in to hug him again and he gratefully embraces you back.

“Red roses symbolize love…” he says shyly, “So I thought it was appropriate.” He pulls back slightly, “I was going to give you a dozen…but I thought taking care of one is work enough already.” He chuckles, scratching the back of his neck.

“We couldn’t even take care of that Venus fly trap.” You remind him with a pointed smile, “So, smart move on your part.”

“Well, guys.” Jimin doesn’t mean to interrupt. “We should get going. Everyone’s probably wondering where we’re at.”

“What do you mean?” you tilt your head, “Where are we going?”

“Surprise.” Jungkook says with a grin. “Let’s go.”

~~~~~~

“Oh my god you guys are crushing me.” You are in the middle of a fucking group hug. Who’s idea was this? For sure Taehyung’s. He, Hobi and Jin are absolutely crushing you as they hug you tightly. Namjoon and Yoongi stand off to the side just waiting patiently for a turn, bless them.

“Because we—” Taehyung begins, “Missed. You.”

“So. Much.” Hobi finishes for him.

“SO MUCH!” Jin yells, “Visiting you once in Japan was not enough.” Jin begins to pull back, Hobi follows his lead but Taehyung continues to smoosh his cheek into your head, squeezing you so tightly it makes you laugh out loud.

“Okay, I believe it is my turn.” You hear Yoongi say calmly. “You can let go now Taehyung.”

“NEVER!” Taehyung giggles, “But fine.”

Yoongi goes in for a rather quick hug, but holds on to your arms as he speaks.

“The record shop was not the same with out you.” He somewhat whispers. “I just had to hear about Tae’s girl problems the whole time.” He teases.

“And Jin was right,” you hear Namjoon walk closer to you, bringing you in for a tight hug. “Visiting once in Japan was not enough.”

“Yeah, I haven’t seen you guys in what? 6 months?”

“And girl, that is too damn long.” You hear her voice cut through and you bubble over with excitement.

“TRINA!” you practically jump in her arms, she laughs that loud ass laugh you love so much and you can’t help but smile.

“And Holly too!” you rush to Holly’s arms, she hugs you back and you feel like everyone is here and you feel so whole.

“Happy?” you hear Jungkook’s voice from beside you. “We thought we would surprise you with a little welcome back party…”

“I’m so happy.” You admit, “Thank you.” You reach for Jungkook’s hand and interlock your fingers with his. “As much as I can’t wait to hang out here with everyone,” you bring your voice down to a whisper. “I also can’t wait until I am home alone with you.”

Jungkook turns a bit red before he’s smirking, squeezing your hand. He leads you to Jin’s backyard where everyone is starting to end up.

“We don’t have to wait until home before you can be alone with me.” Jungkook whispers back, you can hear his teasing tone and it goes straight to your lady bits.

“Be careful.” You warn, “I might take you up on that.”

“God, y/n. I am hoping you do.” He stops at the doorway and pulls you into his body, he grinds he hips into yours and you feel his half hard length.

“What are you thinking about that’s got you so worked up?” you tease, your hands running down his chest.

“You.”

“What about me?”

“Your lips have been on my mind since we got here.”

“Want to kiss me baby?” you press yourself into his chest, tipping your head up.

“So fucking badly.” But before Jungkook can lean down and capture your lips he hears someone’s throat being obnoxiously cleared.

“You guys are so fucking gross. Can’t even check if you’re alone.” Jimin rolls his eyes, he continues walking towards you two with a cup in his hand.

“Why is it always me that you guys always end up making out in front of?” He whines, and you chuckle. Not feeling too embarrassed since it’s just Jimin.

“Sorry, sorry.” You step away from Jungkook and put your hands on your hips. “Where’s my drink, hm?”

“Here, take this one. Not strong enough for me anyway.” Jimin hands you his cup and you roll your eyes with a grin.

“What about me?” Jungkook pouts, “I want a drink too.”

“You’re both fucking babies.” Jimin says with a playful smile, “I’ll make your drink, but you gotta keep me company.”

“Deal.” Jungkook nods his head, “You can go ahead and hang with everyone else baby.”

“Oh, thanks for the permission.” You salute towards him and he waves you off.

You head outside to find everyone else with their own drinks in their hands, chatting away. You find Trina and Holly and go take a seat next to them.

“I have missed you guys so much.” You sip on your drink, “Japan was so cool but nothing beats being home again.”

“We missed you too.” Holly puts a hand on your knee, “We’re so glad you’re back.” She says as she brings her hand back to her body.

“Yeah bitch, never leave us again!” Trina jumps into the conversation, “You should of seen Jungkook, honey. He was so miserable without you.”

And then you’re frowning. You know going abroad was a really tough decision. Especially because you had just gotten into a relationship and just 5 months in you went long distance. Jungkook struggled a lot in the beginning while you were thriving in Japan when you had first arrived. He talked a big game, saying you guys could handle it, saying going a few months at a time without seeing one another wouldn’t be such a big deal but it was…he grew depressed without you.

You nod your head once you get out of your thoughts, you take another sip of your drink and then you hear Taehyung speak up as he walks to you girls.

“He wasn’t that bad guys.” Taehyung assures you. “Maybe in the beginning… but after his first visit with y/n he lit up light a spot light and he got stronger. Plus he had us.” He gestures towards everyone.

You look up at Taehyung and feel immensely grateful…for his words and because he’s right, Jungkook had all of them to lean on.

“So when are you going to do it?” Jimin gives Jungkook a knowing smile, “Here? Some fancy date?” he continues pouring a “couple” shots of Vodka in his cup.

“Why the hell would I do it here? I planned a whole date, of course. I want everything to be fucking perfect.”

“When’s the date?”

“Tomorrow.”

Jimin watches as Jungkook wipes his assumingly sweaty palms on his jeans and he can’t help but softly smile towards his friend.

“It’s going to be fine, Jungkook.” Jimin’s tender voice does little to calm Jungkook though.

“What if she says—”

“She’s going to say yes.” Jimin sets the bottle of vodka down, he swirls his mixed drink with a spoon, giving it a look before shoving it into Jungkook’s hands.

“You need this one more than me.” He laughs, “Listen, just relax.”

“I can’t relax, I want tomorrow to be here already. But I am so nervous. What if things don’t go smoothly at the restaurant? What if—”

“What if it all goes wrong? Really?” Jimin raises a single brow. “But what if it all goes right?” he pats Jungkook’s shoulder. “Just do it when the moment feels right?”

“How will I know when that moment is?” Jungkook bows his head. A frown decorating his face.

“You’ll just know.”

You can’t believe you’re back home with all your friends. You’ve missed this. You don’t regret going abroad at all, you needed it, if you’re being honest. You needed to do something for you no matter what. You needed to go out into the world and experience something wild and new. And Japan was an absolutely perfect experience. Every time Jungkook would visit you two would have such a lovely time, but saying goodbye never got easier.

“What are you thinking about?” Jungkook snuggles you closer to his body, you’re sitting between his legs on the grass on a blanket.

“Oh nothing.” You sing. “Nothing.”

“y/n! Do you want chicken or beef?” You hear Jin ask over the light music filling the backyard.

“Chicken!” you yell back and sink lower to the ground, cuddling closer to Jungkook.

“I’m serious y/n…” Jungkook begins, “You don’t have to wait until we’re home to be alone with me.”

“Follow me inside the house then.” You turn your head to face him and you wink, “I’ll be in the bathroom.”

“The bathroom? Oh, we’re being classy tonight.”

~~~~~

Jungkook’s fingers barely touch you as he skids them down your bare back, you lightly moan at the contact.

“Missed touching you.” He says softly, he fingers now running up your back before they’re sliding back down again.

“Missed being touched by you.” The side of your face is pushed into your pillow as you stare at him. “I missed you so much.”

It’s the next morning, you two are lying naked in your shared bed, the sheets barely covering you. Jungkook continues stroking your back as you lazily close your eyes.

“I’m glad you found a job here.” Jungkook admits, “I don’t think I want to ever be apart from you again.”

“Was it that bad?” you whisper out.

“Baby…no matter what we can get through it but yeah, it sucked.” He chuckles, his fingers graze your skin lower and lower. He lifts the sheets back until your ass is in view, Jungkook kneads the flesh before bringing his hand back and giving you a little spank.

“So, be a good girl and never leave me again.” He goes back to massaging your cheeks and you groan.

“Never again.” You promise. You keep your eyes shut as you enjoy Jungkook’s touch. You roll over to your back, bringing the sheets to your face and you sniff them.

“It feels so good to be home…” you say, “To be with you. In our home. Together.”

Jungkook feels his heart flutter, like a butterfly is taking off and flying towards the big, blue sky.

“Are you happy?” Jungkook asks, “With everything? With…me?”

You crack open one eye to get a look at Jungkook…he’s lying on his side with one arm stretched out to stroke your soft skin and his other arm is holding up his head. He looks so soft and like he has a glow surrounding him.

“So unbelievably happy, my love.” You assure him, “With everything…with you.”

Jungkook eyes expand before they narrow at you and he smirks.

“What about me makes you happy?”

“What about you makes me…?” you begin to laugh lightly. “Can I say everything? Or do I I have to list specific things?”

“I want a list. In alphabetical order, please.” He jokes. “Least to most important.”

“They’re all important!” you close your eyes again. “But okay…A: ass…” you say and Jungkook spanks you again.

“I’m serious y/n.”

“Dude me too, you have such a nice ass.” You point out, “But fine, A: your attitude. Even when things get hard you try to stay positive and it really helps me to be honest…B: body, you are really hot. C: Coc—”

“Okay, I feel like I know where this list is going.” Jungkook cuts you off with a blush. He can’t help but chuckle.

“Really Jungkook, everything. You make me happy when you breathe. Just being here with you makes me happy. You make me laugh all the time, you make me think about life, you make me challenge myself, you push me to do things for me, you support me, you are always honest with me, you…” you take a breath, “You…love me and you don’t make me doubt it for a second.”

Jungkook looks taken aback for a moment, like your words are really surprising him. He continues to glide his hand down your back, feeling your skin beneath his fingertips. Jungkook never wants a moment like this to end. It’s perfect. You look so beautiful here, relaxing after a night out partying and welcome home sex. He thinks this is the most beautiful you’ve ever looked. But to be fair he thinks that a lot.

“Because I do love you.” He finally says, “So much.”

“Trust me, I know. And I love you just as much if not more.”

“That’s impossible.” He leans down to kiss the top of your head. “My love for you is endless, how can you top that?”

“I can live my life trying.”

This is a moment, a special moment. Does he need a fancy dinner date to create a moment like this? Or is this the moment that Jimin was talking about? The moment where he knows.

“y/n…do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?” his tone is soft, tender and shy. Your cheeks get painted a lovely shade of pink as you think of his question.

“Of course I do.”

“No… I mean it. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me? Me and you forever? Me and you until we move on to the next life, and even then you have to promise to spend that one with me too…”

“Jungkook.” You giggle, “What are you going on about? We already said—”

“You’re it for me.” He admits, “You are without a doubt, the love of my life.” He blinks rapidly as if he were trying to rid himself of any oncoming tears.

“I mean it when I say you are the best thing that’s happened to me.” His lip slightly quivers and you reach up to caress his face.

“Baby,” you begin. “I love you.”

“Then…” Jungkook draws his hand that was stroking you to his body, he scratches the back of his neck and smiles shyly. “Will you spend the rest of your life with me?”

“Yes.”

“Then let’s make it official.” He says and you grow slightly confused. Jungkook stands from the bed and heads to the closet. You lay here wondering what the hell he is doing, is he putting on clothes? But he walks back out still naked, with something behind his back.

He comes to your side of the bed and gets down on both knees, he scoots closer to the bed until he’s face to face with you.

“Want to marry me?” he asks, reaching for your hand. His other hand holds a small box and your eyes grow twice their size. There’s no way he’s…

“Jungkook…” you breathe out, “Are you proposing?”

“Well, I have a ring. And I quite literally asked if you wanted to marry me. So yes?” he chuckles and you gasp.

“We don’t have to get married for a while. But being engaged and planning a future could be nice.” He suggests and you want to faint. You were not expecting this. Not so soon anyway. But he’s right, you don’t have to plan a wedding and get married right away. And he is without a doubt the love of your life as well.

“Jungkook.” You choke on his name, “Yes.” Jungkook sucks in a sharp breath…you said yes? His shocked expression slowly morphs into something much more soft. He takes your hand and he’s slipping the ring on your finger.

“Mine.” He says with a timid smile.

You stare down at your hand with the sparkly jewelry accompanying your finger.

“It’s so beautiful.” You say somewhat surprised.

“To be honest, Jimin really helped.” He admits with a laugh. “And by helped I mean he picked it out.”

“Figures.” You giggle and you reach for him, your hands on either sides of his cheeks as you bring him in for a kiss.

“You really want to marry me?” you raise a brow at him and he gives you his dopiest most in love bunny grin he can manage.

“I wouldn’t marry anyone else.”

“Good, me either.” You peck his lips again, “You want a whole life with me?”

“I want you in this life, the next life, the life after that…”

He plants kisses all over your face and you laugh.

“Want to marry you y/n. Want to adopt a pet with you…want to put a baby in you…want to grow old with you…” he says all between kisses.

“A-A baby?”

“One day. Multiple times.” He grins, kissing you again. “Don’t you want that?”

“Yes.” You say breathless. “One day.”

“I just really want you forever, you know?” Jungkook whispers. “Do you think you would like that?”

“Babe, I would love that.” You bring him in for another kiss, then you open your eyes and they travel to the ring on your hand. “And we just made that our plan.”

[boldlyvoid]

New Romantics | Part Three

18+

Summary: She needs help studying for her Case Exercises at the Academy, He needs a date for the annual Banquet... they just so happen to be neighbours who aren't afraid to lend a helping hand, or in this case, a helping kiss.

Categories: Fake dating, neighbours, strangers to lovers, mutual pining, Angst with a happy ending, Smut *as selected by my poll on what you wanted to read*

Warnings: Season 9 Spencer (no Maeve arc), Angst, kissing, drinking, police training mentions, case details, canon typical violence, self-doubt, autistic!spencer, age gaps (24/33), FWB relationships, period mentions, anxiety attacks, crying, misunderstandings,

Word Count: 4.7K

a/n: this chapter covers the whole week from Monday to Friday, thank you @awrfhi for making the gif I used here <3

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

Monday morning she’s in his arms still, and then again on Tuesday; he basically lives with her when he’s not on a case. They make dinner together at night and they drive in together every morning, and they have had sex all over her apartment… and he loves her but he was tired when he said it and in a post-orgasm haze and he’s her best friend.

But he loved her— just not the way she loved him. She was sure of it.

Tuesday morning at 10:53 am, she cracks her fake case. They’re apprehending the unsub by Noon and then she has the rest of the week off. So she heads to the main Quantico building, she gets a visitor's pass and she takes the elevator all the way up to the BAU.

She walks through the bullpen doors and Spencer is sitting at his little desk with his head buried in a book. Penelope sees her first, wrapping her up in a hug that gets everyone’s attention as she rocks her back and forth while telling her how much she likes her.

“You are so pretty, and nice and cute, and your hair smells so good?”

“Thank you, it’s Spencer's shampoo,” she laughs as she holds her back, “I just wanted to come and see him really quick?”

He’s standing beside her and she doesn’t even know until Penelope releases her from her grasp. He wraps her up next, “why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

She kisses him right on the mouth, holding his face in her hands she has missed him too much to wait till they are alone again, “I caught the unsub.”

“No way?”

She nods feverishly, “yeah remember I found that stray hair on the crime scene? Everyone was fighting over why there wasn’t a sexual aspect and I was trying to convince them she was a women unsub when the hair came back matching our victims best friend, who also knew victim number 1.”

He’s so happy, his smile is the biggest any of his teammates have ever seen, he lifts her and twirls her around and no one can believe the sight. Spencer Reid the uptight, overly smart, always following proper procedure, Doctor at the FBI; was spinning his girlfriend around as he kissed her cheek.

“You are a genius,” he compliments her as he sets her back down and places another kiss on her lips.

“I know,” she laughs, “I beat your score by one day.”

“I hate you,” he kisses her again and by now they don’t realize they have an audience. It’s incredibly convincing to everyone except each other.

“No, you love me,” she whispers, kissing him again before they hear someone clear their throat.

“Do you want to help with ours?” Derek asks, jumping into the moment and reminding them that they’re in public. “We’re just doing non-urgent consults today.”

“Am I allowed?” She lights up.

Derek nods, “I don’t see why not, as long as you just tell your ideas to us and don’t file anything then I think it’s legal?”

So she helps and it’s the most exhilarating thing since having sex with Spencer. She’s in her element, looking at small details and making connections that even leave Spencer humming and ha-ing. She has a younger insight than the rest of the team, she’s exactly why they hired Spencer in the first place and now she was shining brighter than him.

But he loved it.

Every time she made a connection or she had a suggestion that helped one of them on their own train of thought, Spencer would smile at her like she hung the stars in the night sky. He was proud of her in a way she hasn’t seen in many people before, filling her heart with warmth and hope that maybe he can love her for real one day.

—

She was possibly the love of his life and the more he saw her work and the more he knew her mind; the more he fell. She walked around his office and talked to his friends as if she was always meant to be there, and a part of him really wanted her to be.

He snuck away to go talk to Hotch, closing his office door as he sat down, “what’s wrong?”

“Y/N isn’t really my girlfriend,” he whispers. “She’s pretending so I could get everyone to stop bothering me about dating, and I understand it looks like she’s using me to get close to the team but I really do think she would be an excellent asset to the unit even if she was just in the office—“

“Reid,” Hotch cuts him off and a smile builds. “I already sent her an offer to take Anderson's job while he’s out on paternity leave.”

“Oh,” he smiles to himself. “Pretend I never said anything.”

“It stays in these 4 walls, don’t worry,” Hotch smiles back, “but you should tell her.”

“Tell her what?”

“That you’re in love with her.”

“I’m not,” he lies, “really, I do love her but I’m not in love with her, there is a difference.”

“I know,” Hotch reminds him. “Did you know that I only joined the school musical to get close to Haley? I did whatever I could to get her to fall in love with me and didn’t even realize it when she did because I was so worried she didn’t.”

“Oh.”

Hotch nods with another smile, “you don’t have to tell her until you’re ready, obviously, but you should tell her before it’s too late.”

“I will,” he whispers. “Thanks, Aaron.”

“Why don’t you guys head out early?” He offers, “we could all use a day off with the people we love.”

When he walks back down from Aaron's office, Y/N is with Emily and JJ discussing how she caught her fake unsub at school that morning. She doesn’t brag, she loves to mention her classmates by name and verbatim explains how they helped her. She is a team player, a genius, beautiful, kind… she really is the love of his life.

“Hey,” he places his hand on her lower back as he slides into the conversation. “Hotch said we can all leave early if we wanted?”

“Sure,” she smiles, “actually, did you want to come with me to buy a dress for your thing?”

“That would be fun,” he agrees, wrapping his other arm around her so he can rest his chin on her shoulder and hold her. “Remember I’m buying it so don’t stress about the price.”

“You’re too nice to me,” she replies.

“I just love you,” his voice is as low as he can make it but everyone still hears.

She holds him back tighter, in a silent ‘I love you, too’ and they hear JJ and Emily swoon.

They’re quick to get their things and head out, she hands Spencer her keys and lets him drive to the mall so she can relax, she’s done a lot today.

She’s so quiet on the drive, she holds his hand like she always does and she just looks out the window, she’s peaceful and content with the nothingness of spending alone time with Spencer. They were always just quiet together, sometimes they laughed till they cried and sometimes he could make her scream but most of the time they were quiet.

“Have you checked your email?”

She smiles as she turns to him and her grip on his hand tightened, “what did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything, I just told hotch the truth so that he could offer you a job, but he already had before I went in there but he’s a good secret keeper, believe me.”

“Oh,” her smile disappears. “So he knows we’re not really dating?”

He nods, “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, I guess we’re going to have to find a convincing way to break up for them and still be able to hang out all the time,” she worries aloud. “Because I don’t want to stop this any time soon, I hope you know that. I really like spending time with you.”

“I feel the same way,” he agrees. “I promise, we can just tell them we work better as friends and they might believe us?”

“I don’t think they will,” she frowns again. “JJ told me not to break your heart today, but I feel like if we break up I’m going to break all of theirs.”

“We could have a fake ugly breakup, and not talk to each other publicly for a bit and then be friends again?” He suggests, “Penelope and Kevin did that.”

She nods, still frowning. She interlocks their fingers this time and she holds his hand instead of just anxiously fiddling with his fingers. She really doesn’t want to let go, and he’s almost convinced she feels the same way.

The banquet is on Saturday, she has one last week of school before her graduation and then they’re done. He thinks about asking her, about what would be the best time to tell her he was in love with her and ask her to be his real girlfriend.

Maybe he’ll do it after the banquet? Maybe he’ll do it after her graduation? He just really wants to do it before she meets his mom. He wants his mom to meet her as the love of his life and his best friend.

He hated many things, but as he kept glancing at her as he drove he realized he hated one thing most of all. He hated that he couldn’t love her as much as she deserved, at least not yet. He wanted to shower her in love, he wanted to protect her and care for her, he wanted to show her off and make love to her and never leave her side.

It hurts, his heart physically aches as he thinks about that. If he had to feel like this to know his love was real, then the pain was worth it. She was always worth it, and he would hurt as long as possible, forever even, if it meant he could be around her just as long.

He held her hand tighter in the silence which made her turn to him, he had no idea he had been crying until she leans over and wipes his cheeks, “I love you, you know that?”

“I love you too,” he smiles but he can’t keep the conversation there, he’s feeling trapped and so he changes the topic. “What colour dress were you thinking?”

The quick-change makes her laugh, “probably black.”

“Are you sure?”

She nods, “I don’t need to stand out beside you any more than I already do.”

“What does that mean?”

She bits her lip, “some of the people in my class are saying that I’m only doing so well because you’re helping me cheat and that I’m just fucking you to get a job… just like I thought they would.”

“At the end of the day, we have a friendship they will never understand, we have great sex because we want to, you’re smarter than me, and the BAU wants you… so who is the real winner?” He’s always going to be her number one cheerleader.

“You’re right,” she smiles again finally, “as always.”

—

He convinces her to get a red dress.

She hasn’t had a pretty dress like this one since her prom and that was 6 years ago. She hasn’t been to a party or mingled with people in just as long, she didn’t realize how lonely she had been while chasing her dreams until Spencer came along.

He was one of the dreams. She saw him talk once, years ago on a school trip, and she fell in love with him a little, even back then. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to be him or be with him back then, doing everything in her power to get into the criminal psych degree at her local college, she just wanted to be like him.

Now she’s liked by him.

Every night he goes to his home across the hall and he does his own nightly routine before coming back to her apartment for the night. She’s too emotional to sleep with him today, she knows that if she has sex with him she’s going to say something stupid or cry after because being this close to him without being honest with him is killing her.

Something in him has changed too, he’s less scared to initiate contact, he doesn’t jump anymore when she hugs him or when she smacks his bum as she passes him. Now he’s wrapping his arms around her while she cooks dinner, and he kisses her cheek randomly when they’re in public.

He tells her that he loves her.

She’s confused and she has no one to talk to about it.

She lays back against her pillows and closes her eyes, she knows she’s going to cry soon, and she doesn’t know what to do because she doesn’t want to cry in front of him and he would be upset if she told him to not come back tonight.

The stress of the situation just makes her cry more as she stresses herself into another anxiety attack, much like the first night she talked to him. She just lets it happen, the anxiety in her stomach builds and the tears slip past her eyes and suddenly she’s sobbing into her pillow hard enough that she doesn’t hear him come back.

She jumps at the feeling of his hand on her back as he sits on the edge of the bed, “what’s wrong?”

She just sits up and hugs him, and he hugs her back and they stay there like that for a while. When she calms down, she pulls back from him and wipes her eyes, “my period is coming.” She’s not really lying, and he believes her.

“Does it normally make you this emotional?”

He’s never really experienced her mood swings, he has no idea what he’s in for, she nods. “Yeah, and I have really bad anxiety which just gets worse around this time.”

“And you’re not on anything?”

She shakes her head, “I’m waiting to get onto the good healthcare when I get a job with the bureau, I can’t afford to work and go to school, I’m glad I had enough scholarship money left to rent this place long enough to go to the academy.”

“Oh.”

She just nods, “I’ve never had much money like my parents have been saving for 2 years to buy plane tickets to Virginia so that they can see me graduate. They started saving before I even got in. I went to community college on a scholarship and I get a lot of money from applying for bursaries.”

“Are you going to take the CARD job or the BAU offer?”

She shrugs, “I’m not sure yet, but probably CARD.”

“Why?”

“I can’t work with you,” she whispers. “It makes me feel like I don’t deserve to be there like I’m using you and that all my work isn’t that great. I’m just Doctor Spencer Reids girlfriend.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, imposter syndrome is a leading factor in depression among child prodigies, once you reach a certain age and you stop receiving awards for your work, it’s hard to believe that you’re still doing a good job.”

She knows he gets it, he has probably said the same fact to himself to calm down before. “Thank you.”

“Do you want me to stay?”

She nods, pulling back the covers and moving over so he can snuggle in beside her. She holds him, resting her head on his chest and taking a deep inhale of his cologne, this was the love of her life and if this was as close as she was ever going to be to him, she was going to take it.

He kisses the top of her head and holds her in his arms at just the right pressure to calm her down. She feels so comfortable with him but she still feels like shit, she doesn’t stop crying, and he just holds her through it.

“Do you want to tell me what’s really wrong?” He whispers after a while, he sounds worried.

“No,” she whispers. “I can’t.”

“Is it about me?”

“Yeah,” she cries again, “and I don’t have any other friends to talk to about us and now you’ve told hotch and I have no one to talk to about how this is kinda stressing me out.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” his voice is still scared and she knows he’s going to panic regardless and just send them around in a circle of constant anxiety. But his tone is more apologetic than one fuck up.

“Who else did you tell?” She sits up, “I thought this was just between us?”

“I needed advice, the same reason you are reacting right now, you’re stressing me out,” Spencer finally talks back with passion and she knows they’re about to fight for no reason.

“I never said you were stressing me out. I said our situation was, but I think I need to sleep alone now, Spencer” she’s confident and stern even though she’s crying.

“We can’t go to bed mad at each other. You even said the mornings are the worst, we can’t hate each other for no reason tomorrow,” he starts to cry, not knowing where he went wrong and she can see it on his face.

“I just don’t have what you have, and I’ve always been trying to copy you…”

“What?”

She sighs and wipes her tears, “I have had a big fat, fan-girly, crush on you since I was 18, I came here with my class to watch you do a talk on philias and phobias and then I knew I wanted to get into the academy and I wanted to beat your record and join the BAU, and I just thought; one day I’m going to be friends with this guy and catch bad guys with him and now I am and I’m so alone.”

“You have me?”

“I know,” she tries to smile, “but I only have you and I can tell you almost everything. Like my biggest stressor right now is that if just looking at fake crime scenes for 3 weeks has made me this anxious; what if I’m not cut out for this? What if I get to a real crime scene and I pass out or—“

“That’s only human,” he presses his lips together, awkwardly, and very Spencerly. “If you didn’t feel like this job makes you hate the world and untrusting of everyone around you; then I would think you’re crazy.”

“How do you do it?”

“I open up and let people in, but I typically wait till I’m at my lowest; crying in my friend's arms because I don’t know what to do anymore,” he smiles again, wider and toothy as she smiles back.

“Thank you,” she can’t help but tilt her head and smile as her heart settles and her brain calms down a bit, “I love you.”

“Can I kiss you or is that too much right now?”

She gets in closer to him, laying back down on the pillow and looking at him. They’re closer enough to kiss, and she just takes a moment to look at him, resting her hand on his cheek as he wraps around her waist and pulls her in closer.

“We’re okay?” He asks with his lips right against her, his breath is hot and he smells like toothpaste.

“We’re okay, but no more talking tonight, okay?” She whispers.

He nods, leaning in and kissing her finally. She knows she shouldn’t be kissing him, she knows that she should be mad at herself, but she also knew that even just pretending that he loved her back was good enough.

—

He gets called away to a case on Wednesday morning, he’s too busy to really call her and he doesn’t text back. He feels bad about it but he knows she wanted space to think anyway, what he didn’t expect was for her to reach out to Penelope.

She’s in the office with her on Friday, tired of Spencer ignoring her so she went to the one place he couldn’t avoid her; Penelope’s office.

“How can I help you today, my fine furry friends?” Y/N answers the phone with a smirk, copying Penelope’s line perfectly, they can hear them high five through the line.

“Y/N?” Spencer is the first to catch it, “what are you doing there?”

“I came to meet Anderson and see if I’d like to take his job or not,” she teases, pretending she wasn’t there just to bother him.

Hotch cuts in, asking the question he needed to ask before hanging up, “not sure what’s going on at home but we’re too close to cracking this case for schoolyard games.”

“Yes sir,” he nods and looks away, retreating to the other side of the room to stare at the map and pretend to find connections.

“Crack this and you can go home to her,” Derek whispers with a smile, thinking he’s helping the situation.

“That’s not where I want to be right now.”

“Woah,” Derek catches it, “what happened?”

“Nothing,” he’s quick to get him to stop it but he really wants advice, “she’s stressed out and she took it out on me and I wasn’t very nice back.”

“You said sorry and you pretended you were over it, didn’t you?”

He turns away from Derek with a nod, he wants to come out with it and get it over with and he’s so mad and embarrassed he just starts to cry a little, “I don’t want to lose her.”

“How could you?”

“You have no idea,” he rolls his eyes lightly and scoffs, confusing Derek.

“And I won't unless you want to talk to someone about what’s really bothering you, but you’ve been happier since you met her and I like seeing you happy, and Savannah likes double dates,” he scolds him with a smile, patting his shoulder lightly. “now let's crack this and maybe on the plane you will tell me what’s up?”

“Sure,” he says, but he doesn’t want to.

However, Derek Morgan is good at a lot of things, and one of those things is getting Spencer to calm down enough to tell him anything. Everyone is asleep on the plane, it’s just the two of them at the back together when Spencer finally feels confident enough to say it.

“I lied to you, a long time ago… and it’s just the first one.”

Derek doesn’t look angry, “okay, explain your thought process. I need to know how this pretty brain of yours works.”

He smiles a bit, “I slept with Elle the night before she shot that rapist in Ohio.”

“You did not?” Derek's voice gets a little too loud and they stop to make sure no one woke up.

“I did, but you still always made jokes about finally getting me some lovin’ and it bothered me for a while and I never told you, instead I offered to help my neighbour with her homework if she pretended to date me,” his voice lowers as the words continue and he only stares at the table between them.

“Spencer, I’m sorry,” Derek apologizes first. “I didn’t know I was upsetting you, is there anything else I do that upsets you?”

He shakes his head in a silent no, still not looking at him, he can't.

“What happened between you and Y/N?” He jumps to the main issue, fine with what happened because he feels bad for causing the issue in the first place.

“We started sleeping together.”

Derek sighs, “you have such a big brain, you can remember everything she’s ever said to you and yet you can’t see that she’s in love with you.”

“She’s good at pretending,” he pushes it away.

“No she’s not, because she’s pretending she doesn’t love you right now; the same way you are and you’re both fucking it up for each other,” Derek gives it to him straight. “You have always been loveable, but you have a very hard time accepting it, Spencer.”

“Yeah,” he starts to cry a little more.

“Go home and talk to her and tell her the truth,” it’s the best advice he can give and Spencer knows it. “What’s the worst that can go wrong?”

“She does love me back but in a few years, she realizes I’m too much and she leaves me,” his voice is the saddest Derek has ever heard it.

He gets up from his seat and hugs Spencer, sliding into the seat beside him and wrapping his arms around him, “you have never been too much. You just surround yourself with people who aren’t good enough to love you for who you are.”

“She’s better than me.”

“Which is exactly what I mean, she’s not going to leave you, believe me, once you love Spencer Reid for who he really is, it’s hard to stop,” he speaks from experience, thinking of what could have been between them if either of them had tried harder in the past.

“She’s the love of my life,” he confirms, “I’m never going to love anyone else the way I love her.”

They get the word that they’re going to be landing soon, Spencer wipes his tears and buckles in for the descent, avoiding everyone’s stares and questions on the ride back to headquarters. He’s nervous to see her, he knows his face is puffy and she’ll be there waiting for him with Penelope, but he has to do it.

“Would you wait here, I need to tell her now and she might not give me a ride home if it doesn’t go well,” he asks Derek before heading to Penelope, “she was already mad at me for telling Hotch the truth.”

“Okay, sure,” Derek smiles, reaching out a hand for Spencer, “come to me when you need me next time, okay?”

“Okay,” he agrees with a small smile, heading out to find his fake girlfriend.

She’s not with Penelope, no she’s in the filing room with Anderson and the other temps all talking and laughing, and it sounds far too interesting to interrupt. He waits outside the door and smiles at her laughter until he hears it.

“So be honest,” Agent Camden asks, “are you sleeping with Reid for this job?”

“If I was sleeping my way to the top, don’t you think I would have picked Morgan? Or Prentiss even?” She laughs and it’s like someone stabs a knife through his heart.

He turns around and heads back to Derek, “take me home.”

“Okay,” he doesn’t pry, he just grabs his coat and keys and follows Spencer to the garage.

—

He’s really ignoring her.

She finds out from Emily that Spencer left with Derek, and that he looked rather pissed off when he asked for a ride. It breaks her heart a little and she doesn’t know what to do next, she just drives home and finds herself knocking on his door.

“Let me in, please, Spencer!” She begs from behind his door.

He opens it and looks at her with a puffy red face, tear-stained cheeks and swollen lips, he’s been crying for a while. “What?”

“What did I do?”

“You slept with me,” he whispers, “and I told you I wouldn’t react well.”

“Is it my fault you’re crying?” She asks softly and he nods, “do you want to tell me?”

He closes his eyes and shakes his head, “are we still going to the banquet together tomorrow?”

“I really fucked up,” is all he can muster, crying again as he closes the door and goes to cry in his room.

She just opens the door again and follows him inside. Kicking off her shoes she crawls into bed beside him and wraps herself around him, “you don’t have to tell me but I am here for you, always.”

“I love you,” he says it like it’s the problem before he rests his head in the crook of her neck and holds her back for the first time in days.

“I love you, too, Spencer,” she cries along with him. They cry until he’s asleep and she’s just there holding him in her jeans and she’s really uncomfortable but she loves him too much to let go.

“More than you will ever know.”

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[bonnymori]

𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐲

Word count: 2760+ (i'll try to keep bigger lengths such as this one!)

Synopsis: You meet a new classmate who's working along Nanami, you think he's fun to be around, it stands the same to him about you. Later, feelings unravel.

Contents/Warnings: (1) Itadori Yuuji x gn!reader (2) FLUFF, TONS OF FLUFF - and some comfort (3) With the small participation of... Ino Takuma!! I really like him too, that's why <33333 (4) This is pretty platonic, but also not? (5) Ending turned sorta cliché... but I liked it u.u

A/N: This boy made me run rampant... to fhe point it's not single attraction anymore I just wish him happiness (smh if only my parents knew...) also next post will be Toji's fic pt. 2! Y'all see the first part is almost reaching 100 kudos????? I'M SO HAPPY EHSODJWKDKSJD- thanks for all the new followers and the support!! <33

Ever since his fake death, Itadori has been training alone with the help of Gojo - and now, he works along a freshly new face, who belongs to a senior, founds out ex-salaryman named Nanami Kento. He's far a thousand times more strict than Gojo. Itadori doesn't really likes the change, because Nanami is a person he can't get along. This whole guy's appearance scream "work 4 life"; he has proved different, now he screams "work is shit - but I gotta do it because others won't".

They've just finished cleansing the outside of a movie theater off a few curses, when Itadori hears shouting from far behind them. Two figures approach, waving excessively. He quickly picks on Nanami's tired sigh beside him.

"Nanami! We figured out you'd be here! Our mission has been finished and we wanted to catch up to have lunch together!" A male clad in a full black outfit shouts, he has brown hair and a beanie on top of his head, looking quite content.

The other person simply trots next to him in silence, approaching with a friendly smile. They notice Itadori faster than the male, smile widening and quickly waving hello, suddenly eager to reach up to them. The gesture makes the pink haired boy perk up, curious to why the other person looked so joyful. His question is easily answered, when they tug on the man's sleeve and motion to him.

"Ino, we have a third buddy!" The dude looks at him with widened eyes. "So nice to meet you, I'm Y/N L/N! It's great to see new faces around!"

Itadori smiles at your energy, knowing already he would click with you very well.

"I'm Ino Takuma, sorry for not noticing you before! Your uniform looks cool." Itadori exchanges a few compliments with Ino, before the man turns to talk with Nanami, leaving him and you together.

"Yes! I'm Sukuna's vessel, Itadori Yuuji-desu! My type of woman is Jenn-"

You turn to him. "So, are you a first year?"

"Geh? Weren't you dead though?!"

"I was!- I am!- Please keep secret."

"Okay!"

"Ahem." Nanami coughs, drawing attention. "I requested you two to not come after me today. Itadori here is the reason why."

"That's no problem, we're very capable of keeping secrets." You threw your arm over Itadori's shoulder, him nodding along with you.

"Oh really, then remember to keep quiet about it. I'll let this slide." The group of students nervously at Nanami's intimidating tone. "But, I'll get to have my break alone."

"Gah!" Ino exclaimed, watching Nanami walk away; he also left the responsability of taking care of Itadori for you two, leaving without a word. "It really had to be today, when Nanami would take us to his favorite bakery..."

"Crybaby." You teased. "Itadori here can't go outside where anyone can see him, he's dead. So, we were to order food either way because he shouldn't be left out."

"Augh okay, it would be unfair."

"So, where are you staying Itadori?"

"At Gojo's state!"

"Whoa, I've never been there before." Ino commented, waiting as you sent a message to Ijichi to pick them up.

"He's my teacher, a very cool one!"

"I imagine! Ooookay, once we get there I'll get the food."

Itadori felt as his chest would burst of excitement, finally there was people around him again, he couldn't be less happy about it.

"Sharing is caring!"

Itadori laughed as you wrestled with Takuma for some fries, netflix long forgotten in the background, as watching the banter was way more entertaining. Most of the time, Ino rambled a lot about Nanami, while he rambled a lot about Gojo. The guy even showed him the cool scar under his beanie. He felt kinda upset after explaining the exchange was just temporary, his stay under Nanami's wing wasn't decisive, and therefore, he was more like a classmate than a partner.

Itadori also learned a lot about you. He was surprised to find out that you, although energetic, was the one to speak the lesser in conversations. His surprisement grew even bigger when you told him you're a exchange student from Kyoto, arriving Tokyo about the same month as him - thankfully, you were to say for good.

Conversations flowed easily in the air, until a voice from the doorway barged in.

"Yuuji-kun! Don't forget about your lessons! Hi kids! Bye kids!" Gojo said playfully, throwing the familiar punching bear to Itadori before leaving.

"What's this thing?" Ino asked.

"It's to help me control my cursed energy. So while I watch the movies, if I don't charge it with cursed energy it punches me square in the face. I thought I had mastered this thing already, but he insist I keep training with it." Itadori grumbles.

"At least it's cute." You commented, taking a sip of your drink.

"Until it punches you in your face without warning!" The pink haired boy barks.

The talks died down, the three of you eating quietly when another movie is played on the screen. Itadori didn't bother reading the title, it was a plain one about a zombie apocalypse that got him extremely bored, yet he kept watching still so the plushie didn't punch him in the face again; he's been keeping a record since all his last cursed energy training lessons were a sucess to this day. When his head started nodding and eyelids dropping Itadori can't remember well, about fourty five minutes of movie perhaps? Make it fifty, the second slumber took over his body completely.

When he awoke once again, it was near midnight, the clock on the wall told him so. He also noticed a soft and warm surface supporting his head, figures, it's your shoulder he's resting into, he feels an arm around his own shoulders and your cheek placed upon his hair.

"Hey, it's late." You immediately notices he's awake, calling out softly. "You should sleep on your room, or something, better to your spine."

He chuckles when you poke his side. "But I'm comfortable here."

"I'm surprised, you just met me today, and now is sleeping on my shoulder."

"I'm not, that happens often to me."

"Sleeping on people's shoulders?"

"No! Making friends quickly." Itadori likes your gentle warmth, your hug, everything makes him feel at home. "I met two more people before you for two weeks, but they can't see me, because I'm dead."

"So I'll keep you company, that's my new mission."

His eyes widen at that, a oh so little blush covering the tip of his ears.

"For how many time I slept anyway?" He asks.

"About two- no, three hours. You missed two movies, and this one is about to end."

"And you stayed here the whole time?" He motions to your shoulder.

"Yep. That reminds me I gotta pee."

Itadori grumbles, but quickly lifts himself off you, respecting your needs. That gives him some time to look around, he notices Ino is gone, and the plushie sits quietly at the other side of the couch, unmoving.

"Y/N! How did you manage to make it quiet down?" He's beyond bafflet.

"...que."

"What!"

"I said!" You arrive quickly at the doorframe, hands still wet from when you washed them. "I used my innate technique."

"Oh! How is it like?"

"It's kinda funny, gimme a moment." You left to wipe off your hands, coming back in a second. "So, just like Shoko, I produce reverse curse energy, but it's quite different than hers, I can't heal people. That's why we often call it positive energy instead. I can use it to soothe off negative energy, so the bear has no cursed energy right now."

"How does it works on people?" He felt very curious about everything, asking away like a kid.

"Since everyone has negative energy, it just makes you sleepy really. But when it comes to curses it's really practical, I can either weaken it or, if the curse is like grade three or four, I can slap them off existence completely by wiping all their energy." You were naturally proud of having a such versatile power, your own energy swirling with pride around you.

"That sounds amazing! Is it why I fell asleep though?"

"Nah, only if I did it on purpose. I guess you were just tired, hope you don't mind I decided to let you rest today."

"No way, it was a good nap."

You nodded. "By the way, Ino left to attend to a drinking party, he paid for our food."

"Drinking? Is he old?"

"Yeah, he's twenty." You chuckled, already expecting that kind of reaction.

"No way! He looks young just like us!"

"That's totally my reaction after I learned he's twenty!"

After that day, you started visiting Itadori weekly to daily, after exchanging numbers he made a little group with you and Ino, naming it the "Nanami trio". But really, he exchanges more texts with you in private, be them memes, cool images he wish to share, etcetera. Although, Ino wasn't left excluded, he ofter brough his xbox to connect to Itadori's tv room and you all would spend hours playing together; he just didn't spend much time with both of you as much. And that was okay.

For a few days, your connection with Itadori died down when he didn't reply to your texts. They would remain unread for some time, the longest being half a day, until he would spam apologies then move on with the topic. That became a routine until one day when you came over to check on Itadori unnanounced, needin to ease off your worries about the boy, only to find him sobbing in the middle of a hallway, staring ahead and beyond, his back to you.

"Ita-?"

"Egh!" Startled, he scrambled to wipe his eyes, turning to you. "H-hey, um, hi."

"What happened?"

"I- he-" His eyes didn't met yours, knuckles white in a death grip. You notice he has a few bandages thrown over his face and arms. The way his shoulders are drawn, as if he wants to shrink into himself is something you've experienced before.

"Something hard to talk about?"

He nods almost immediately, head still facing down.

"It's alright, come with me." You reach for his hands, grimacing slightly when his forceful grip is now on your hand, yet you don't comment on it. He follows you through the state wordlessly.

You two stop on the same tv room, sitting down on the couch. You then guide his head to your shoulder, gently massaging his scalp with the free hand.

"It's alright."

Those two words are chanted like a prayer for the next half hour, at some point, Itadori twisted his body towards yours and unknowingly caged you between him and the sofa arm. He embraced you with a force you didn't have in you, like he didn't want to lose one another. Painful or not, not a muscle moved on your body. He needed a shoulder to cry on.

Thirty minutes passed like seconds, you peered down only to find the boy confortably napping against your bosom; at some point you just became the cold side of the pillow to him. That's alright. It brings you joy to be the mom friend anyways. So you decided to join the sleepland aswell, arms still secured around his shoulders and the back of his head.

It feels like the nap hasn't been long, though, because you can feel Itadori's grip loosening and therefore, you're awake.

"Sorry if I broke any bones, in advance."

"Wow, and you only warn me now."

He laughs at your comeback, hands still secured around your waist.

"I'm surprised you let me uh, cuddle you for comfort - and sleep. I don't understand it? You just make me sleepy." He rambled, keeping eye contact with you while his head still rests on your chest.

"That's a piece of cake when you have younger siblings who seek for you every night they get a nightmare."

"Does that mean I can come to you again if I have a nightmare?" There it is, his togepi-kirby cutesy face.

"Are you four?"

"That's mean!" Itadori blushed, squeezing you on his arms. "I like the contact. It puts me at ease."

"Mm, do you want to talk about it?"

He gulped. "No, not really."

Your peach haired friend remained silent, and so did you. It seems he doesn't intend in letting you go soon, or he just really forgot to mention it. It gives them time to think, your younger sisted used to do that sometimes, back in Kyoto.

"Y/N, wanna watch anything?"

"Sure, have you watched Parasyte before?"

"No, let's give it a try then!" Itadori glances at the remote, then back at you - making you confused over his hesitation to move. He notices you noticed it, chuckling nervously. "To be honest, I don't wanna let go."

"It's hurting my back."

"SORRY I'M SORRY!" He jumped away from you like a cat would jolt away from a cucumber, making you snicker.

"It's okay, I just wanted to change positions."

And to tease you, but he didn't need to know that part.

He glared at you with a small pout, typing the initials of Parasyte on the search bar. Outside his line of vision, you were grinning like a idiot, his sweeteness took a tow on you. All the people of Tokyo you met really held a way different spirit from your classmates in Kyoto, Itadori being the nicest of all. It's surprising him being Sukuna's vessel to begin with; being honest, you felt drawn by it.

"Y/N, it's startiiiiing." He cut your daydreaming short, slumping on your side and propping his head on your shoulder.

"This again?" You throw an arm around his shoulders, very much like the first time he cuddled himself on you.

"Don't blame me, you're the one who wanted to change positions. Guess I'll just make some alterations since I'm awake this time!" One of his arms went behind your back and circled your waist, hand resting at your hip.

"It's definely different, since the other time you drooled on me."

"Hhgh, okay okay! Let me enjoy this." For perhaps the actual first time, you're able to watch without exchanging words with one another.

And this time, it's you who's head loll to the side, nose buried on his soft rose perfumed hair. Itadori doesn't comment on it yet, his free hand moves under your legs to lift your whole body up efortlessly when he senses you have fallen asleep.

"I remember you said it's bad for my spine, I wouldn't mind it... yours however."

The boy makes a beeline to the guest room, he sighs when there is no choice but open the door with his foot. Inside, he places you carefully in the soft bed.

Before he could leave, a hand reaches up for his sleeve.

"Itadori," He turned, looking at you. "Make me company?"

He giggles softly - you think it sounds like a highschool girl. "You should start calling me by my first name!" Itadori rambles as he climbs on the bed, arms wrapping around your waist in a motion you're familiar with.

"Yuuji, I'm tired, let me sleep."

"But I wanna talk more..." He pouts. "Also, are we, um, dating?"

You wriggle around, bringing his head down to peck on his forehead, teasing. "Correction, I want to date you."

"Uh, oh." A blush coats his face so quickly, you'd say someone dumped a bucket of red paint on his face.

"Is that a no?"

"No!"

"So it is a no."

"Christ, will you stop teasing for a second, I'm trying to talk here." He makes an angry version of his togepi-kirby face, you can't help but grin.

"You amuse me, but okay. I'll do it for you."

"Thanks." He blinks, the blush slowly fading away. "You know, I lied, not about the contact, I like the contact nonetheless-"

His hand moves to play with yours, such as tapping his tips against yours, or meassuring the palms.

"-it's you who brings me comfort."

It's also your turn to blush, that line was seriously charming.

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, we're dating now." You respond, a little eagerly. "Can I kiss you?"

"Please."

This is the best person I could ask for, Itadori thinks, keeping his eyes open as yours shut during the kiss, whom I won't change for anything else in this world.

When you both separate, Itadori feels drowsy and sleepy. His face fits perfectly on your shoulder as always.

"Goodnight, my favorite person."