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agatharkn3ss · 4 months ago

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Episodes and story predictions (spoilers!)

My restless brain has been on another quest.

Full theory explanation and lots of plot side-notes included below, but the short of it - I think the episodes order is going to be something like this (including previous ones for completion):

Ep. 1 - Westview: Agnes of Westview Ep. 2 - Westview: Setting up the journey Ep. 3 - The Road: Water trial - Jen (blue road) Ep. 4 - The Road: Fire trial - Alice (orange road) Ep. 5 - The Road: Spirit trial - Agatha (purple road) Ep. 6 - Westview: Teen backstory Ep. 7 - The Road: Air trial - Lilia (yellow road) Ep. 8 - The Road: Earth trial - Rio (green road) Ep. 9 - The Grand Finale (Agatha all Alone?)

BACKGROUND ON THE SYMBOLISM First of all, thank you to the production team for their incredible attention to detail. It is clear they have done a lot of research and put a lot of thought into symbolism and telling the story from the visual point of view. This is what makes theorising so much fun!

The whole show seems to revolve around the Wicca religion (also known as "The Craft" - I see you Teen!) that uses the pentacle (5-pointed star inside a circle) and typically worships Triple Moon aka Triple Goddess aka Hekate (Maiden, Mother, Crone) and Horned God (could be Marvel Mephisto). The magic circle uses 5 elements - Fire, Water, Earth, Air and Spirit. Together they are believed to be the root of all matter. Each element has a set of values associated with them, often also colours. While the colours are not always coded in the same way, I found that this (totally Agatha-unrelated) graphic below fits so well with the show's imagery.

The moon phases also play a big role in here. There are 8 lunar stages, but only 5 elements, so it will be interesting to see how the show continues to link these two strands (so far we've had Full moon for Water trial and Waxing for Fire). Moon phases are also linked with the stages of life - I won't go into full analysis but check out @shutupineedtothink post who beautifully explained possible connections with our witches.

I only wonder whether the full moon in the first trial was maybe mistaken and it was New moon instead? So that we are just moving through the first 5 phases of the moon? After all, it was Teen who identified it - although he was correct about it being the Water phase.

Episode 3: Water Trial - Jen - Blue - Full Moon Colour: we already saw that as the events unfolded, the light took on the blue tint, because of the water outside. Jen's own nightmare was all in blue. And the road (leaves, roots, mushrooms) leading to the trial was all blue. Story: Jen being associated with Water elements makes sense. Healing, Expression, Peace and Compassion fit really well with her role as a midwife and influencer (did you all realise that it was the midwife work that Agatha referred to when she explained why she spared Jen and her powers because it was "good work that matters" - a nod to Agatha appreciating maternal values). I don't think we will see much more of Jen's backstory - at least not as a dedicated episode, but only through bits of conversations like by the campfire. It feels like Jen's struggles were to do with a mental block and I think Agatha's pep talk was the one that made Jen realise her real power and, though she might not realise it yet, she might be regaining her magic as she starts believing in herself again. Plus I like the idea of not giving an evil man too much of a screen time because it's not his story. Trial exit: oven... so into the fire (as next trial)

Episode 4: Fire Trial - Alice - Orange- Waxing Moon Colour: red/orange tints were so much more obvious in this trial and the road to trial was orange. Even Alice's hair have some red/orange streaks. And her nightmare in ep.3 had some orange tint to it. Story: Alice also fits so well with the fire element values. Passion, Inspiration, Intuition, Creation, Protection - all of these align with her role as an ex-cop, but also her emotional journey as she thinks herself responsible for everything. Then there is the nod to creation when she overcomes the curse with the aid of a song. She is also (except for Teen) the youngest of them all (Maiden). When she was playing, there were flickers of orange magic between her fingers. So I think she's had magical powers all along but just didn't know about it, because she didn't believe in it. Her Road wish was to break the curse, not to get powers. Trial exit: piano... so into the soul (as next trial)?

Episode 5: Spirit Trial - Agatha - Purple - Half Moon? Colour: post-fire trial the road is purple - the leaves as well as fluorescent mushrooms etc. The scenes look dark and it's hard to see if they have purple tint. Agatha's nightmare in ep.3 was very dark too though. Story: This is the 80s sleep over episode (judging from the episode 5 font). Spirit values are the Soul, the Devine, the Mystery. While it's true these kind of also remind me of Rio, I think it's fair to say that Agatha is a total mystery, with all those many layers and masks that she wears. She is also the soul of the coven and the guide of the trials so far. She might have lied and not have walked the Road before (although I begin to change my mind on that), but she definitely leads the coven. It was her pep talk who guided Jen to the solution. And it was her who figured out Lorna's protection spell and guided Alice to play the song. As the ballad says "(...) we carry on, Spirit as our guide" (for a long time I thought it would be the spirit of the dead guiding them). So in this episode we see Agatha's spirit becoming possessed. So the Road is not just testing Agatha, but the whole coven - see how they manage when their Spirit is not available to guide them - and I don't think it ends well. I believe this is the episode where Alice realises she has magical powers. But because she doesn't know how to use them yet, we might lose her. Peppered across the promos, we see images of Alice wielding her orange power - once inside the sleepover room and once when she's on a broomstick. We also get to see Agatha absorbing someone's power while wearing her 80s jersey. We also see at some point Agatha has a whisper of red/orange magic in her palm. My theory is that although the trial is Agatha's, Rio will play a significant role. After all, they are going to have ouija board that will spell "Death" was in the room with them. And one of the posters for the episode was Rio. Agatha will become possessed and everyone acts scared, and it will be Rio who talks Agatha down. I hope we will get some soft moments between them and that we see some flashbacks of their story to give it more meaning. But then maybe Agatha needs magic to return her soul. Rio can't give it to her (I wonder if they explain to the witches why), so Alice blasts possessed Agatha instead. She absorbs the magic and returns to normal. They exit the trial on broomsticks. However, I think as they are flying away, they get attacked by Salem Seven. This is where Alice tries to use her magic again, but she might be exhausted or just inexperienced and she falls off the broomstick and we don't get to see what happens with her? This is why I think Lilia from the future tries to send her the message "Alice, don't try to save Agatha!" (but it gets split in two visions). I also think we finally get to see Teen using his blue power - maybe to help defend from the Salem Seven? Then leave us all on a cliff-hanger when the other witches realise this. (This would explain why he's poster is for that episode as well - and he's dressed as Billy Maximoff Halloween costume - the Wiccan). The red moon silhouette shows only 4 witches in clear view - I think they are, from right to left: Agatha, Rio, Jen and Alice. In the far left, in the dark, it looks like Lilia is there as well. So maybe Salem Seven kidnapped Teen because he protected Agatha with his magic, and now the witches are chasing them? I think Lilia somehow ends up left behind (I'll explain in later episode).

Exit: On broomsticks - into the Air (next trial)?

Episode 6: Westview - Teen story The episode list has this one circled in red, so I wonder if it's the "odd one out". Maybe we don't get to follow the Witches on the Road, but see flashback to Teen's backstory, following his blue magic cliff-hanger from the last episode? Maybe we see his family car crash mentioned in episode 1. We see that his parents (the two "perps") maybe don't die, thanks to the air bags, but are in a coma? That's why Teen says he's 100% certain his parents are asleep (or he talks about Wanda and Vision who tucked the boys in their beds right before the end of the Hex). I wonder if the body that Agnes investigates in the woods isn't Wanda or Darkhold, as everyone thinks, but Rebecca Kaplan - Billy's mom. Anyway, Billy Kaplan is at the back of the car and dies. But then two things happen - Death appears (Rio) to collect him, but Billy Maximoff reincarnates into the body and he lives. Hence the "Near death in Westview" hint for Joe Locke's end episode credits. Rio is intrigued and sticks around, maybe finally finds Agatha who is no longer able to hide from her because she has no Darkhold. I think Billy will try to summon the Witches Road by himself - maybe he wants to find his brother Tommy, maybe he wants to bring back Wanda and Vision, or maybe he wants to get back his Kaplan parents? I hope we get introduced to the final character that's missing from the end credits!

Episode 7 - Air trial - Lilia - Yellow - Waning Moon? Colour: Lilia's nightmare in ep.3 had distinct yellow tint. We also see lots of promo material of scenes with very heavy yellow filters. Even the road is yellow-ish at some point. Story: Air values are Intuition, Knowledge, Renewal, Change - this fits well with Lilia's divination abilities, as well with her age. We know she is the oldest witch in the coven and has lived for some 450 years, through many tragedies and the many ways the women were persecuted. Lilia is also always so vocal about the negative stereotypes that surround witches - she mentions green skin, broomsticks, talking to goats. Episode 5 might already give us the broomsticks and in this trial we will actually see Agatha as the green-skinned Wicked Witch of the West, so maybe we will also have a nod to the goat talking bit? That would be funny! Anyway, in this episode we see that Lilia will be Glinda (the Good witch), Agatha will be Elphaba (the Wicked witch) and Jen looks like the Evil Queen from the Snow White, but in her old hag form. And even the "yellow" road would be a callback to the Wizard of Oz. So I think the trial will be about those negative stereotypes and how witches have been perceived. We know Lilia doesn't like having to predict all those tragedies and feels deeply for all the victims. So what if her tarot trial will be about her trying to predict something good because it's something she was never able to do? Or maybe about her trying to use her powers to manipulate the cards to change the prediction into a good outcome? Or - trying to reverse a tragedy that happened in the past. It's interesting that the card she holds in the promo poster is The Tower. The card stands for "sudden, disruptive revelation" - kind of like Lilia's 'blips', and the trial seems in a tower-like room. There will be swords sticking out of the ceiling, threatening to fall down. We also know Salem Seven make their appearance again. So I think Lilia tarot reading will be about sending all those messages to the coven in the past (check my other post to explain the detail) and to send herself the list of the witches name so she writes them down for Agatha. When she succeeds, the timer (sand glass) gets turn upside down, and everyone in the room gets inverted as well - so they are flying in the air? That could mean that the Salem Seven gets impaled on the swords... but eek, I hope Lilia doesn't share the same fate... I didn't see any other characters in the air though. There is also a rumour that we will get another version of the Witches Road ballad - this time focusing on Lilia, so we will hopefully see them using Patti's full potential.

Back to the rest of the coven... I think after the broomstick flight they get separated. Lilia gets to the tower/castle first as she was left behind. That's why we see scenes with only Agatha, Teen and Jen on the Road (yellow filter) and they somehow circle back to the start, where Agatha falls over a pair of shoes they left at the beginning. Alice and Rio are not there - maybe because Alice died and Rio is taking her to the underworld. Or maybe they just separated, fingers crossed. We also see Agatha and Teen looking at a castle in the distance - that could be the castle that Lilia is in, so that's how they rejoin her.

Trial exit: the ground - so that next trial is earth?

Episode 8: Earth trial - Rio - Green - New Moon? Colour: green? There are a few scenes with dark green filter but not much else has been revealed Story: Earth values are Fertility, Wealth, Abundance, Strength and Wisdom. I hope we get to see how Rio is connected to that. The trial itself is the one where we see Agatha and Teen inside a morgue. This ties in well with both Earth and Death - lots of buried bodies! So sometimes I think maybe Rio isn't Lady Death after all, but her powers make her connected to the dead bodies, maybe to bring life? Agatha has her hands on Teen's head, so I wonder if she's trying to finally get rid of his sigil. They somehow pass the trial - which they believe to be the last one. Maybe the trial room gets flooded with soil at the end, and they climb their way through it - back up to the surface in Westview - maybe we will find out that everyone else who "died" on the Road has actually just climbed back to Westview. But maybe Agatha doesn't get out that way and still has to find the exit. At some point she gets angry because she still doesn't have her powers back even though she passed her Spirit trial (she screams "I want my prize!"). Maybe she realises it's the hair locket (or the symbol behind it) that stops her from regaining her powers and she needs to sacrifice it? Can't really deduce huge amount about this episode yet, other than we see Rio in her full chaotic self. She blows a kiss to someone as well (Agatha?). I think this is going to be a big episode, where Rio's true intentions are finally shown.

Episode 9 - The Grand Finale I draw blank on that one. I don't want to guess how they tie it all those strands together and how they show the impact of the Road on the witches lives. But there is that thought that keeps eating at me - in ep.1 Agnes says "If there is one thing we can agree on is that these cases are always about the place. The specific small town, the history of it, the secrets buried beneath it. That's where the answers lie." I think this is important and there is some big foreshadowing going on in there. Because yes exactly - why did Vision choose Westview of all places for their forever home? (Was it even Vision who chose it or was Wanda just made to believe that? The reason she knew about the plot was that someone dropped a file in her car) And after the events, the traumatised people still choose to live there. And Mrs Hart mentioned she would've expected to see "remnants of a failed public transit system" under Westview. I mean, would such a small town need it? I think there is something going on with Westview itself, maybe there will be a big reveal about this Mephisto at the end?

But that essay will be for another time. For now, I think I need to give my brain some rest. What does everyone think? Have I missed anything or are the elements that don't quite line up with the above theories? I would love to know! Thanks to getting this far!

#agatha all along #agatha harkness #kathryn hahn #aubrey plaza #rio vidal #agatha all along spoilers #agathario #lilia calderu #alice wu gulliver #jennifer kale #teen #agatha all along theory

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ahamkara-apologist · 8 months ago

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finally got the chance to draw so I kinda went ham with drawing up a headcanon sheet for the Eliksni, in which I blatantly disregarded the canon skintones and just had fun (i don't really enjoy how pink they are in canon personally- I think they should have more natural colour variation)

Some notes:

-The freckles on Eramis and Variks are just freckles, they're not due to age. As for the alarming amount of minor scratches scarred into Eramis's neck and, to an extent, Misraaks- those are marks from hatchling claws! They're traditionally considered marks of beauty and wisdom in Eliksni society. Eramis has many to mirror her many litters, while Misraaks only has a couple from Eido

-I drew everyone but Taniks bald because I drew Taniks first and then realized later that it kinda obscured my hcs for their individual head shapes, so their setae is on the bottom. Setae is someting that only fully sexually mature adults develop, and is much closer in texture to a horse's mane than human hair. It also runs all the way down the back of their neck, much like a mane, and in some cases (like Taniks) has barbs or hooks along its strands so that ornaments can be woven into it, which is inspiration that I took from decorator crabs

-Eramis's facial scars were given to her by a Guardian at Twilight Gap, and are deep enough that they cut into her nasal cavity. Luckily, it's right near the nostrils anyways so she isn't impacted too bad, but she does have to be careful about keeping it clear of debris. Deep in her eye sockets, she's also had some electrodes installed that link to sensors in her helmet and give her little buzzes/shocks whenever something passes in front of it to help compensate for being half-blind, but it's a pretty crude device that doesn't work all that well on small objects

-Each Eliksni's ethnicity is written below their names, which is why Eido has a question mark. She's a mixed kid- try to guess which Houses her parents might have been from ::3

-The horns/shoulder spines were extra spikes of mineralized chitin that were common on adults in Riis, and were traits that were lost during the Drift. They often were calcium/mineral stores used to show age and fitness, but since resources in Sol are scarce, they no longer grow during molts. Riisborn Eliksni still have horn nubs, but that's about it

-As for the sexual dimorphism thing: that's more just me musing about how slight it would be with my hcs about their reproduction (which involves females laying fertilized eggs into a specialized broodpouch in the male, who then builds on their yolk supply and gives them the calcium needed to form eggshells, and thus needs to be bigger). When given actual Eliksni with a natural range of bodily variation, it would be near-impossible to distinguish them

#destiny 2 #my art #alien specbio #the eliksni #eliksni #the fallen #eramis #taniks the scarred #misraaks #mithrax #eido #variks

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 1 month ago

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About Malleus new years card, given how heavily Japanese culture it goes into. It might be a hagoromo, a white cloth/scarf that floats in the air around a goddess. Given that Malleus is the strongest mage, it might be a symbolism of that. Even so it's used for goddess, Vil and a few others worn clothing meant for women. It wouldn't be unusual to be used for Malleus.

[Referencing this post!]

These asks are all about the fashion of the New Year’s Attire cards and how they relate to Japanese culture, so I thought to combine them ^^

Since I’m responding to three asks in one post and it takes a while to explain things, I’ve placed everything under the cut :> There’s a lot of discussion of Japanese clothing, culture. and folklore in this, so if you’re interested in those topics then you’re in for a treat!!

To the first ask: Though Twst is fairly gender fluid when it comes to dressing its characters, I'm certain that's not a 羽衣 (hagoromo/"feather garment/cloak"; typically worn by celestial women in Japanese mythos). Hagoromo are thinner, longer, and more scarf-like than what is depicted in Malleus's initial card art. You can tell that he's clearly got a sheet that covers his entire body there. The fabric also doesn't appear to be floating like a hagoromo would.

The first two images depict 被衣 (kazuki/katsugi); the latter two images depict 羽衣 (hagoromo); you can see there is a notable visual distinction between them.

To the second ask: It’s possible that the artists looked at kabuki fashion for inspiration, but they most likely did not base the entirety of the New Year’s Attire outfits on that alone. As Yana states in one March 2023 interview, she and her team try to avoid creating outfits that too closely resemble a single real-world culture or brand. To that end, they seem to pull their inspiration from many different cultures and time periods, which is why you'll see a mixture of traditional and modern Japanese elements in the New Year’s Attire.

歌舞伎 or Kabuki, for those who don't know, is classical form of Japanese theatre which mixes dramatic performances with traditional music and dance. I consulted with a few friends who are familiar with Japanese culture (hereby referred to as A-ko, B-ko, C-ko, and D-ko) about the topic and they had some enlightening information to share. Because I am not familiar with the art form or how to gauge it myself, I will be relaying the information provided by those friends in addition to my own research. A-ko informed me that kabuki used to be co-ed (or at least did feature women; the first kabuki troupe formed was all-women) and modern kabuki is all-men. As for the poses, B-ko remarked that they can be considered common "festival dance poses", not strictly kabuki poses. C-ko added, "[...] There is very little, if anything, kabuki-like about the New Year’s cards apart from possibly SOME of the poses [...] Jack is probably the most kabuki we’re going to get because of the dynamic palm thrust and gaudy composition of his attire." The eye makeup being red and of that design also invokes the image of kabuki makeup without it fully committing to its extravagance!

Overall, the group seemed to agree that the New Year’s Attires lack the over-the-top expressions and elaborate costumes of kabuki. There’s also the more obvious lack of full-face stage makeup, but it’s kind of a given that Twst is wouldn’t go this route, especially since the context of these cards is helping out in a store and not putting on a dramatic performance.

On the topic of Malleus and oni (Japanese yōkai, demon, orc, ogre, or troll), I don't think he's intended to look like one??? Sure, he has the horns, but as B-ko said, "[Malleus] always has those horns." Very little in his actual outfit resembles the costume a kabuki actor playing the part of an oni would wear--unless you count the excessive black, as that's a color typically used for oni, but that black is usually paired with red. As for the hair styling, D-ko explained, "Oni usually don't have hair [...]". I find it interesting that some oni masks I found do seem to have hair, but it's usually very sparse omg balding!Malleus real???? and/or a middle part and not the sideways part that Malleus is sporting. Additionally, while oni do have horns, the shape of them is nothing like Malleus’s.

It's true that fur is rarely seen in historical Japanese clothes, but they don't seem to be that common in kabuki either?? According to C-ko, "fur and pelts [...] were a luxury few could afford. Thus, only those people decorated with furs would be royalty or individuals vying for power.

B-ko suggested that the reason why Jack wears fur in his New Year’s Attire isn’t to emulate Kabuki—which tends to feature fluffy wigs, like the one pictured below—but to emphasize his “wolf”-ness and to keep him warm from the cold. C-ko pointed out, however, that “[…] fur accents (like what Jack has) became the trademark for popular and celebrated figures [...] towards the end of the warring states period; when kabuki came into vogue, many plays were inspired by the lives of such personae as well as the legends surrounding them. This is why much of kabuki is characterized by the term basara—of grandeur and ostentatious eccentricity. The actors themselves would not have had access to furs, so they focused instead upon conveying that same sort of energy through their theatrics and outlandish couture. They still used substitutes, of course.” C-ko also added, “The most memorable kabuki roles feature things like fur—which many associate with kabuki.”

Finally, the group altogether said that, “Vil isn’t [dressed like] a geisha. His outfit bears no resemblance to what geisha wears.” 芸者 or Geisha are highly trained Japanese hostesses who entertain guests with song, dance, and conversation—furthermore, there’s a rigorous training process and a very specific appearance they take on. Makeup aside (if Twst is not doing kabuki makeup, why would they do geisha makeup?), a feminine figure and long, flowing kimono is not enough to get the “the look”. B-ko commented, “[…] Calling Vil [dressing like] a geisha just because he wore a feminine kimono […] Like, damn. Does that mean every woman who wears that style [of a] kimono is a geisha now?” It takes considerable time and dedication to achieve this to earn the title; it’s not meant to be taken lightly!

From D-ko, “Overall Vil’s outfit is kinda westernized.” This is due to the hat, gloves, bows, fishnets, and laced collar. A traditional geisha’s outfit lacks the bells and whistles that Vil’s design boasts. The silhouette also seems to be wrong. Why? “Because technically you try to make your silhouette as not curvy as possible when wearing a kimono,” but Vil’s silhouette appears more hourglass-like. The devil is in the details!!

Lastly, to the third ask: Going to skip over talking about Jack's umbrella pose and the kabuki inspiration, since I already addressed that earlier in this post! I'll briefly add that it's not for sure that Malleus is meant to be a certain thing unless Yana and/or her team come out and say it. B-ko agreed, saying "I don't think you can say Malleus is definitely [Ushiwakamaru], since I literally gave [other examples of what] he's dressed like [...] I can understand 'taking inspirations from', though..."

In the final ask, Anon remarks that Jack and Malleus's looks may be inspired by that of 弁慶 (Benkei) and 牛若丸 (Ushiwakamaru), two characters from Japanese folklore. Ushiwakamaru is the nickname of Minamoto no Yoshitsune, who, according to C-ko, "[...] fought and recruited his loyal vassal Benkei in a fabled confrontation on a bridge." While some elements of Jack and Malleus's New Year's Attires resemble what Ushiwakamaru and Benkei are usually depicted wearing--especially Malleus's veil--not all of it matches up. For example, as B-ko notes, "[...] what Malleus is wearing under the veil isn't what Ushiwakamaru is wearing, but looks [like] more of a kannushi (神主/"divine master (of ceremonies; often Shinto clergy)")." B-ko linked this site and recommended checking it out to make clothing comparisons; the kannushi garb was just an item they picked out for similarities on a cursory glance. This brings me back to a point I mentioned in the second ask: Twst's fashion takes inspiration from many sources and blends them.

"I think it really boils down to [Malleus and Jack] evoking the atmosphere of that famous [Ushiwakamaru and Benkei] print," C-ko continues. They drew comparisons between Malleus, a character twisted from Maleficent (commonly depicted with her raven Diablo), and Usiwakamaru, who is the disciple of a tengu {crow/raven yokai). They also compared Jack, a steadfast and virtuous individual, with Benkei, who is a monk with similar traits. Furthermore, in the famous folklore story, Benkei is depicted as having felled 999 men before facing off against Usiwakamaru, a supernatural force. So, like Jack, Benkei is a powerful combatant up against an even more powerful supernatural force, Usiwakamaru/Malleus.

jxxbisbsjJvsjsb I didn’t think we’d be talking about Japanese fashion, history, and folklore to this extent, but here we are 🤩 I hope that, if you’re reading this, maybe you learned something new and interesting from the post!! I know I certainly did while chatting up my friends.

P.S. Thank you to A-ko, B-ko, C-ko, and D-ko for their knowledge and perspectives! Couldn’t have written this without you.

#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #Malleus Draconia #Jack Howl #Vil Schoenheit #notes from the writing raven #jp spoilers #Maleficent #Diablo

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celestialtrolls · 2 months ago

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The chained-up princess in need of rescue... ...Or the beast you've been sent to slay?

130+ layers later. ONE AELYNN BALL DRAWING FOR 2024 FINISHED

MAJESTY AND MYTHOS

FULL EXPLANATION AND PROCESS:

Earliest drafts:

Original the concept was inspired by Dragonmom, [REDACTED], who is in-character known for destroying several cities during a rampage a few sweeps/years ago but also like. mother nature.

In character, Aelynn did get all the materials and start on this, and was planning on making a counterpart outfit for her twin brother, but ended up not liking how it was turning out and scrapped the project.

CONCEPT 2 SKETCH

i'll type out all the writing on there + unwritten thoughts/elaboration

villainess knight vibes, but the beast lies beneath

fake horns for a scarier silhouette (also she canonically already had the materials to make fake horns)

lots of sharp points for hostile shape language

ghoul claws and eyes on for "beast"

tail still included in design because she already had the materials and it worked well for beast

red roses as a reoccurring theme each year to tie her outfits together, and also red is a 'dangerous' colour

holding something? gotta be something that fits the evil/villain concept

shoulder + knee armour for knight

"spine" down the centre of the chest

skull buttons, but might be too cheesy

wanted to cover the eye with dragonmom's symbol, while she's now dressing as a villain she doesn't want to represent dragonmom now

FINAL SKETCH

added a lot more chains, removed some of the 'knight' concept, did plan briefly for her to hold a sword for that, but thought the dress shape was better more for the royalty/princess aspect

didn't remove the shoulder armour though because. i like it.

more spikes for the beast/dangerous silhouette

didn't like that the chest was the only place with a bone/spine feature, so also included it in the tail. i tried to add some of it to the gloves as well but it just didn't look good.

speaking of the gloves, i made it so the gloves actually have a faint divide into her real hands for the sake of in-character being able to return her hands to normal for interacting with people, since her claws ARE extremely sharp, but when she has them turned they blend in almost perfectly

LINES + FLATS

make the heels ALSO spine just to have it reoccurring again

very dark palette but with the lighter purply-silver chains breaking it up

"red wine" is tinted closer to tyrian for. reasons. (eating seadweller reasons) (its not actually blood though)

tiara is replaced with a hair accessory tying some of her hair in a bun - in traditional formal settings, your hair should ALWAYS be up by classical western rules - and while aelynn isn't going to completely conform to that, she has enough hair that she can tie some up just for the appearance

still has a tiara SHAPE though for majesty/royalty reasons

she has her ghoul split-mouth not properly pressed closed for the fang shape it puts across her cheek for beast reasons - but she has good control and will not be opening the mouth past what a normal troll can do so it just looks cosmetic

FINAL PIECE: shown above

Thorns lace detail in the corset, thorns are often used in fairy tales (sleeping beauty, the original rapunzel) to ward off rescuers

Dripping "blood" makeup on one eye, just for drama really

Background is just an alternian skyline but with 'towers' and 'castle' like structure for the majesty theme

reduced the amount of shine in her eyes. it was too innocent and not evil looking enough.

#12th perigee ball 2024 #Aelynn Stuff #god i did not think i was gonna finish this but #i got there #i think #i started to get a little lazy with the shading but i have my limits i'm sorry o+<#Gold Art

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enavstars · 2 years ago

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Here's Lloyd!

His design is more based on his Oni side unlike Kai and Nya whose designs are more like dragons.

Here are the 3 togheter. Which one is your favourite?

Kai | Nya

Some details you may not have noticed:

- Nya's marks are inspired on waves and she also has some wave like lines in her eyes. She also has seaweed in her horns.

- Kai's marks are inspired on stars and you can see a lot of them all over the drawing. There's also tiny stars where his freckles should be.

- Lloyd's marks are kind of gold colored as well as his teeth. There's also smalls ying & yang symbols in the marks of his hair.

On a side note, I'm going to take a break from drawing. It's getting harder to find motivation lately and I feel like I'm constantly fighting art block. I hope it won't be for long tho and I will keep rebloging the dtiys entries and I might upload some old drawings :)

#art #ninjago #ninjago lloyd #lloyd garmadon #ninjago kai #kai smith #ninjago nya #nya smith #rgb siblings

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powdermelonkeg · 10 months ago

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Worldbuilding

Made a new fantasy world in my spare time today, populated it with fantasy races.

Premise of the story: An elf chef who runs the best restaurant in the area gets his ingredients by diving into the local dungeon. His restaurant is the best not only because of his fantastic cooking skills and quality ingredients, but also because he can serve anybody that comes through his doors; each of the races has different dietary needs and finds different things poisonous, and he can cook for anyone.

One day, he's in the dungeon, and he falls down into a lower level nobody's been to in AGES. Thing is, though, there's a human living there, a biologist who's been studying the dungeon ecology for centuries, and the last human alive—all others were wiped out centuries ago due to a plague, and she's only alive because she's been living in the dungeon.

Main story arc is this guy trying to figure out not just what she can eat, but what she'd LIKE to eat, without killing her in the process.

Yes this is inspired by Dunmeshi. What of it.

Races are:

Humans (extinct)

Elves

Faunlings

Halflings

Orcs

Dwarves

Brounies

Gnomes

Elves

A camouflage species, their colors depend on the environment they're in. A snow elf would be pale white, a wood elf shades of green and brown, a dark elf (as in, lives underground) stone gray with jet black hair, and so on. Knife-point ears. Average height: 5'8"

Diet: Vegetarian, can't process meat at all, regardless of source.

Faunlings

Deer-like people, ranging visually from elves with horns to satyr-like. They're all one species, despite individual variation.

Diet: Opportunistic carnivores, they CAN eat meat, but mostly eat plants; can't process milk or most sugars past infancy. Average height: 4'10"

Halflings

NOT hobbits. They're small people, deathly pale and young-looking in their base form, with nub horns on their heads. Their appearance changes depending on who they live nearest, from their build to their coloration—a halfling living near wood elves might get taller and coppery with pointed ears, while a halfling near faunlings might have furrier legs, dappled shoulders, and longer horns, etc. Average height: varies wildly

Diet: Obligate ovivores, eat almost exclusively eggs when young and need lots of protein. Depending on who they live near, they'll eventually adapt to local cuisine and build up poison tolerance, but forcing that adaptation to go too quickly can send them into shock.

Orcs

Cat eyes and feline fangs, big and muscular. Like elves, they camouflage based on location, but they tend to be more colorful overall. Average height: 6'10"

Diet: Heavily meat-based diet, they eat most meat raw. Highly lactose intolerant, may occasionally eat plants, but can't process grains.

Dwarves

Short and stocky. Dark blueberry purple-blue by default, will temporarily turn pale on parts of their bodies that are exposed to light for a few hours. Sunlight sends them into temporary hibernation and petrification, making them statue-like. On cloudy days, they're lethargic, and on moonlit nights, their skin gets a little harder, with white patches depending on the strength of the moonlight. Average height: 3'9"

Diet: They have a tolerance for poisons that most races would die over, but they can't stand most acids. Citric acid in particular is poisonous to them. Cavern-based diet.

Brounies

THESE are the hobbits. Short and humanlike, with long, fur-tipped tails. Usually monochrome in color scheme, leaf-point ears. Average height: 3'2"

Diet: Can't process plant fibers properly, all plant matter must be cooked to break it down. Mostly raw pescatarian.

Gnomes

Even smaller than brounies, humanlike, with round-edged pointed ears and generally plump bodies. Average height: 2'4"

Diet: Vegan, with HIGH poison tolerance, they actually need some poisons to live. Mushrooms and fruit make up much more of their diet than leaves do.

#worldbuilding #fantasy #had a lot of fun with this and will probably continue to do so #long post

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vinestaffery · 8 months ago

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hello! May I request a Valk x reader fluff scenario? probs just either of them having a rough day and having a cuddle session with the other :D

Hello!!! The first start of the scene is inspired off of Mayans MC Grocery Store Scene, from Season 4! I felt like it's a great way I feel about umm people that are overall just really mean and such or just rude. Hope this is good enough!! I gotta sleep RIGHT after this one too, so I'm happy to be able to pump this out!!! Enjoy!!! ALSO I JUST REALIZED I MISREAD YOUR REQUEST AND GAVE YOU A ONESHOT. I AM SO SORRY.

VALK X READER FLUFF

Today was not the day for you. Working 9 hours per day, being yelled at by customers endlessly for just trying to scan their food in. It was getting tiring than ever. “Next,” you said in a deaf-tone. Another demon, specifically one that looks overall pissed.

“Make this quick! I need to get somewhere.” You had more of enough proof with your facial expression you did not give much of a fuck. With how they were speaking, how they were blabbing to whoever on the phone. You just wanted out of here.

Scanning endlessly of the foods, you listened quietly to the sound of the radio playing. The supermarket was not the greatest place to get money or to find peace, but it surely made you become more religious than ever, praying to the SFoTH that you make it out alive in the next few hours.

People started lining up, growing more anxious by the second as they waited slowly for the lady you were serving to quit blabbing. It was until she interrupted you mid-packing her food. “Don’t forget to put a double-bag, paper bags have always been useless.” I mean, you could understand her at that point.

Paper bags were useless, especially with how easily breakable they were. It was the first thing you let slide in your head. Placing more food together, adding up as you waited patiently and sorted each carefully. “Don’t put chemicals in food! Are you insane?” That pulled a nerve.

Re-sorting and plucking everything out of the bag, you didn’t show any sign of hesitation or resistence. You just carried on, customers always know best. Their highest priority is this stupid supermarket food-chain. As you resorted, you placed more food down below.

“Is this your first day? Are you kidding me? Everyone knows you don’t put the weak food at the bottom of the bag. I mean, c’mon!” The demon let out a snort, snickering.

Your fingers wrapped around the food, pulling one out and putting the heaviest sense of shopping load into the bag. You didn’t make any sound, your eyes focused on each food taken in hand. “Sorry, this stupid clerk just won’t do the shopping right. I know, they seriously need to learn…”

— 🌕 AT NIGHT .

You walked in through the door of the shared department, shaky breaths as you followed the small light-source coming from the hallway. You could hear him, how your body yearned for him once more.

The sound of his singing, it made you feel every tight nerve in your body collapse. Your hesitant footsteps as the bits of food stuck your hair together. You couldn’t help but sniffle, a tear dropping down your cheek from the overwhelming stress in your head. It was ripping at your scalp.

“My sunshine? Is that you?” That familiar voice.

“Here…” You let out a cracked voice as you saw that yellow-horned demon once more. Valk. The love of your life ever since that first day meeting one another accidentally on the street. It was hilarious when you found out he was the all-time star on the radio.

“Oh, my sunshine! I might cookies, if you’d like–” His head turned to face you, only to stop in his place as his voice slowly pitched down – “to have some together…” You could hear that concern in his voice.

“...” Silence is all that could be heard.

“I had a bad day, today,” You could only pipe up about it, as you fell to tears. It was like all chains of your body that dug deep into your soft skin had finally let you go. It was an agonising walk home, and it was even harder to get up the apartment stairs.

Valk knew what to do, as he walked closer as he held you. You immediately collapsed in his arms. “Sunshine, sunshine. I’m here, oh my poor light,” his words were like angels from the heavens, speaking their godly verses.

“I got fired from my job,” You laughed into his shoulder, egg remnants slowly pouring onto his t-shirt. He let out a sigh. “C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up.” Keeping you close, you both trudged to the bathroom, to where he helped you get clean. It wasn’t too long until you both were cuddling on the couch.

“So you got fired? For what?” Valk piped up, a blanket draped across you as his arm extended out behind your neck. The television flickered on movie scenes that never seemed to catch your interest. “I accidentally destroyed a person’s shopping, but they deserved it. They wouldn’t shut up.”

Valk couldn’t tell if he should be disappointed, but he didn’t want to continue the worst case-scenario forever. “Well, then that’s okay. Maybe they did deserve it. Just hope you can get another job again.” Valk was always the one to look to the bright sides, while you struggle with both pros and cons on existing life. “I hope so,” you meekly shuddered.

His warmth was inviting, it was nights and days like these where you wish to rest in his lap all the time. He didn’t mean, you being there with him made him even happier. As your eyes struggled to keep open, now clean and close to him, he couldn’t help but laugh.

Caressing your cheek, he kissed your forehead. “Sleep well, sunshine.”

#phighting x reader #phighting!#੭୧ㅤ﹔ ㅤ vinestafferyㅤ．phighting!valk #੭୧ㅤ﹔ ㅤ vinestafferyㅤ．phighting!#gender neutral reader #x reader #gender neutral pronouns #gender neutral y/n #valk x reader #phighting! valk x reader #fluff #fluff oneshot #oneshot

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lemonjestercoffee · 10 months ago

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so i said something about alicorns being funky in my last mlp redesign post yeah? well before i get into that-

the beautiful bride and the ugly ass groom

okay okay jokes aside here's Shining's real sheets and Cadance on her own

starting off with design choice notes

Shining Armor - his was like- really hard to figure out and i didn't really know what i was doing, but i did like the concept of him having lost a leg in some sorts of battle. one thing i did know what i was doing with tho was his armor, i never really liked the canon armor so i decided to take my own stab at it. decided to make it cover the more important areas better, added gambeson underneath, put a royal crest on it, and gave them a head weapon. yes the metal horns are on all species armor, it's there not only to protect real horns from oncoming attacks but also give all soldiers an emergency weapon if they get disarmed. the tassels would be colored differently depending on rank

Cadance - the only through i really had going into her design was i wanted her to have a cloud and heart motif, but i'm unsure if the way i handled it is the best. her cutiemark is meant to resemble a Mexican sacred heart because deity of love- like come on. i also wanna kinda change the color of the carnation in her hair to stand out more, but white carnations have a different meaning so it's fiiiinee

okay now what we really wanna hear about, what the fuck did i do to the alicorns?

i decided to tamper with their lore quite a bit, as i was inspired to by the Skyscraper Gods Au by Shirecorn. now mine is no were near as drastic as that au, obviously, but it did inspire me to come up with my own quirks for them.

i went more "alicorns are more like the elves of ponies but because they can only be made by some unexplained rare mystical intervention and live for fuck off long, normal ponies see them as demigods of sorts". i've even given them things like groups or locations that they act as patrons of and prioritize above other things, but that stuff gets a little rambley so imma not do that on this post

for the anatomy tho, i can talk. i'll be using Twilight as a visual example because she's the one i've drawn in all stages

so basically the concept here is pretty similar to the canon, but with some funky add-ons.

first up- when an alicorn ascends, not only do they gain the wings/horn combo and grow an inch, they also gain some other unique anatomy from the other species.

Unicorn- along with the horn, they also receive the ear tip tufts i gave unicorns. these actually have a purpose, they're sensitive to magic energy and allow unicorns to tell where magic is coming from. depending on the unicorn they vary in sensitivity but alicorns are by far the most sensitive Pegasus- along with the wings, the get some of the extra feathers pegasai have on their bodies, namely the ones on their ankles that are used for finer trajectory adjustments in flight. they also receive the sensitivity of their hooves that's used to pick up changes in cloud texture and sense their stability Earth Pony- earth ponies may seem like they don't add shit, but they actually give two very important things. the first thing is a strength boost, as they're stronger than the other two pony species by nature. the other thing is dense as fuck hooves. that sounds kinda lame but they have rock hard hooves that allow for them to dig into dense materials and have a kick with some real bite in it that the others just can't replicate and might tear their own hooves up trying. they also add the visible fluff in the ear canal. but that's just a dust filter and if isn't cleaned properly might actually be more of hindrance

it's worth noting- if you look at Cadance and Twilight side by side- that despite being given extra anatomical traits from the other species they will always look more like the species they were before ascension. this is mostly visible in the ears, tails, and hoof shapes -unicorns have long tails with hair only growing from the underside, basic ears, narrower hooves, and usually have long fetlocks as part of their culture. -pegasai have short tails that are completely covered with hair and have rudder feathers at the base, pinned back feathery ears with restricted movement, and really shallow hooves with no fur around them -earth ponies have medium tails with even hair growth around a third of the way down, basic ears, and slightly taller hooves with varying fetlock sizes.

second up- the only uniquely alicorn physical traits that they really have (aside from height) are their hair and beards. unlike normal pony beards that are made of the same hair as their manes, alicorn beards are made of coat fur and will grow a specific length each year that marks how old they are kinda like tree rings. due to this the alicorns don't try to cut them. the manes are kinda funky cause they start out at the roots as normal hair, but then become more "ethereal" after a few inches or so. they tend to start to become ethereal roughly 10 years after ascension

they do have one more weird trait but it's less noticeable and that's the thing with the patterns. when an alicorn is first ascended they gain an extra pattern on their legs, and that pattern gains a second layer around the time they start to get their ethereal manes. you can see it happening on Twilight's lineup.

there's also a bonus thing here that has nothing to do with alicorns as much as it does unicorns- but i like the idea of Unicorn tails (flesh/bone, not hair) getting longer with age. it's usually not too noticeable because they don't normally live long enough for it to be really noticeable compared to younger unicorns, but alicorns do- so former unicorns can end up with some long ass tails in their 1000's

that's all i really got now- if i added in magic and social stuff this would have been way longer. i'm done with my rambles

#my little pony #mlp fim #mlp redesign #mlp headcanons #princess cadance #shining armor #twilight sparkle #kai doodles

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reptilian-angel · 1 year ago

Text

The Cafe' Prince & The Killer Cook Pt. 1:

Chapter One - "Egg on your Face" Mega-Omelet

ME: Blitzø, having suffered a the worst day of his life, finds an unexpected silver lining when he awakens inside some random cafe hosted by a sweet (if oddly articulate) little girl, Via and her chef daddy, Stolas (Who looks like Hell on Wheels and cooks just as good, but who gave a shit.)

Later on after this chance encounter, a completely unanticipated offer might just be what Blitzø needs to turn his trashfire of an existence into a lifetime of amazing food, exciting moments and maybe even . . . Love?

Stolitz fluff, food chain puns, good food and healthy doses of angst await you at the Stars & Stir-Ups Cafe’!!! (Yet to be named)

Inspired by Pink Lomito’s ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE Stolitz Cafe’ AU fanart and written with their blessing, so I can only hope this will live up to the hype! (Displayed Below)

Full disclosure, I DO bake as a hobby, but I am NOT a career baker so most of descriptions of any foods mentioned, cooking and otherwise, will totally be written by an author completely in the dark, so please be gentle with any criticisms regarding any of the cooking displayed here. (Also see the end of the chapters for the recipes used, or at least the closest comparisions.)

Get Your knives and forks ready, you sinners & saints, and please enjoy!! I owe nothing!!!

Normal P.O.V.

When Blitzø woke up, he was automatically confused.

He had expected to be face flat, ass up on the shitty, grime covered flour of the bar he had trudged into last night like he had only hours to live. It had been a record-breaking shitty-ass day for him and he decided, like the many, many bitchy broke losers out there who had had their dreams squashed and trampled on like gnats in Hell, to drown his sorrows. Burning $ouls like tissue paper, he had began going for broke, mooching off other patrons and drunkards, earning petty shots in impromptu contests and maybe even performed a small strip tease for a gaggle of succubi and incubi.

He wasn’t a hundred percent sure how it ended, although he did have a vague recollection of plowing his dick into one of the incubi in one of the nasty as fuck bathroom stalls and wondering if the greasy pump soap could be used as lube before fading to black.

Christ on a Pogo stick he had REALLY gotten fucked up, didn’t he?

That said, he wouldn’t have been shocked in the slightest if he had found himself upside down, half- naked and definitely robbed of his wallet and phone in some shady alley at the crack of dawn. Yeah, that would have been normal for him.

Waking up in a plush, fancy-pants booth with a soft, comfortable quilt thrown on top of him was not.

He began leaning up to try and get some sense of where the fuck he was, but everything between his ears immediately started to bitch at him with an acute, relentless thrum that felt even worse than the headaches Moxxie gave him while bitching at him. On a good day.

He gave a low groan, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes in a sorry attempt to dull the throb. He swore everything was hurting, his horns were hurting, his scars were hurting, fuck, even his brand was hurting -

“Fudge.”

That innocent correction almost made him tumble out of the booth. He barely smacked his palms against the floor to keep him from actually falling face flat on its surface. Points for highly trained trapeze instincts. Centering himself, he found a pair of big, bright pink, and admittingly cute eyes of a little owl demon looking right at his.

Even with him being upside-down, he could tell they were a girl; maybe four or six, with a messy nest of long dark hair let loose save a small ponytail tied up on the side of her head with a scrunchie covered with moons and stars and a simple pink jumper with white stars of various sizes printed all over it.

It had taken a second for his hungover brain to figure out she was an owl, the white heart-shaped frame of her face like that of an owl’s a dead giveaway. The way she blinked at him only cemented that conclusion. She blinked calmly at him, despite how fucking weird he was sure he must’ve looked as a middle-aged, hungover, hot mess sleeping in what he just know fully realized was a restaurant booth.

Feeling caught off guard for a number of reasons, he could only respond with, “Sorry?”

The Little owl gave him a reproaching look, or at least as close to one as a toddler could manage. “‘Fudge’. You said it wrong.” She stated in all seriousness. “You’re supposed to say ‘fudge’ when you say the ‘F’ Word. Otherwise, it’s not polite.”

“Says who?” He asked.

“Says my daddy.” She said proudly as if she was referring to Lucifer himself. “He says ‘Politeness is the-” She paused, her face scrunching up in concentration, “- ‘Per-Ah-Get-Ive’ of sensible young demons’.”

He gave her a small smirk. “Oh yeah? And what is that?”

“What’s what?”

“Whatcha just said – Know what it means?”

He had expected her to respond with a "yes" as all little hellspawn do to prove they were just as smart as their parents who most of the time are dumber than the garbage man, and of course be all snooty and snobby about it too.

But, amazingly, she shook her head so much her hair flew in both directions. "Nope! But my daddy taught me that word. Which means it must be a smart grown-up thing to say. My daddy's all grown up and smart so it makes sense to try and apply it to my everyday 'Wing-guess-tics'."

"Uh, 'wing-guess-tics'?" He repeated with a smile.

The little owl nodded. "You know, the way you talk and how you sound to other people. Don't you ever take pride in how you sound towards others less proud of themselves?"

Blitzø sure as hell didn't. In fact, good mood or bad, he couldn't give two shits in a Gluttony Ring brand crapper what every other piece of shit thought about him or the way he talked. Which is exactly what he should tell to this innocent, sassy, too precious for words little oh satan's taint, he was too hungover for this.

Getting up at an old man's pace, he grunted, "I don't really have an answer to that, ow."

Okay, sitting up straight didn't quite stop the ache, but it wasn't harping so badly now.

The little owl made a sad sound. "That's too bad. Everything needs an answer."

"Does it?" He asked while once again pressing into his eyes to try and settle his headache. She gave an affirmative hum.

"They do. Sometimes."

Blitzø gave up trying to squeeze his eyeballs back into his brains and gave a slow roll of his neck, breathing with the small audible stream of cracks that followed. "Yeah, well, sometimes is better than no times I guess." Once his neck didn't feel so stiff, he looked down at the little owl who still was blinking up at him. "Hey kiddo?"

"Yes?"

"Can you, uh . . . Can you tell me where we are right now?" Geez, Blitzø, you need a little kid to tell your dumb, hungover ass where you crashed? Talk about hitting rock bottom.

She giggled like he had just told a funny joke. He admitted, even with a headache, the sound was nice to hear. "You're in our cafe, sir. Mine and Daddy's cafe. You've been here ever since last night."

He felt embarrassment collide with exasperation in a wave that only incensed the pounding in his skull. Grreeeaaat. Now he had to deal with a bitchy dad that could probably make a Karen more bearable. And considering his crappy luck, he could probably give Moxxie a run for his money when it came to whining and botching. Like he didn't have enough of a migraine already.

To distract himself from the imminent ass-chewing, Blitzø decided it was a good time as any to take a quick peek around. In case, things went tits up, he should know how much he could tag with horses and dongs later.

Look all over, he had to admit . . . He was pleasantly surprised.

The cafe was definitely a little ritzier than almost every other diner or bistro in Pride, at least the ones run by imps or sinners. It wasn't an 'in-your-face-so-suck-it-bitches' bourgeois nightmare that you found on the cover of rich people magazines, but it was still easy to smell the $oils that had been burned to buy the number of furniture and appliances that filled it. Pristine designer steel tables, floors tiles so clean you could eat off of them, cushy warm booths like the one he was sitting in that felt comfy enough to be small bed; yeah, this place made the local Hellbucks look like a gas station men's room (Which was also, coincidentally, one of the many places he would periodically wind up in after a bender).

He could probably make off with one of the tablecloths - Made with actual fucking linen, not rag or crappy burlap - And the money he would get for it would easily pay off his non-existent mortgage.

The walls, covered in perfectly intact, shiny wallpaper that was neither covered in mildew nor aged and peeling, colored the interior with a tasteful cream and vanilla striped pattern. Each dark strip of cream had subtle motifs of shooting stars, little crescent moons and cheery spiraling suns. The cushions seated on each chair and the fabrics of the booths were royal blue and spotted with muted violet stars, all differing sizes, each cleaner than the back seat of an Imp City taxi cab. Plus, no springs popping up to try and fuck him in his little red hole.

He then noticed the bar. A quaint but spacious counter as long as Blitzø's body and tail combined, a simple but pricey cash register at one end, with matching leather stools lined up perfectly beneath it. A large glass case half the size of his van sat at the other end, the inside holding shelves of numerous plates of decadent-looking desserts and pastries that drew an expectant grumble from his stomach.

It wasn't his fault, the last thing Blitzø remembered having that was even close to food was some outdated peanuts and the olives he wiped from some douche who had ordered nothing but martinis that were drier than Wraith in a heatwave.

And he normally hated olives, Christ, he must've been fucked up to devour those things, pit and all. Fuck, did I bang the guy who ordered then too?

Okay, not the priority right now, Blitzø. Especially with the cute little kid in front of you whose dad is definitely gonna throw you out on your ass the minute he sees you -

"Oh! Daddy's awake! Good morning, daddy!"

Fuck.

Blitzø jerked his head up at her cheerful greeting, opening his mouth if only to curse at how his head throbbed in response -

— Only for it to immediately die when he caught sight of "Daddy" coming into the cafe'.

Fuck him twice.

The demon that had stepped into his view was, hands down and pants down if his belt was loosened, one of the most gorgeous demons he had seen.

And the tallest, Jesus Christ.

The owl demon was as tall as a tree, with legs for days ending in jet black talons that clicked delicately against the immaculately clean tiles as he strode over. His body was much, much thinner than Blitzø had expected, delicate and lithe with sinfully svelte curves around his well-rounded hips that he felt an instant, barely concealed urge to wrap his legs around and squeeze. His upper body was just as long, lengthy frail arms that grew like willow branches from his shoulders with dainty but large hands and fingers that reminded him of spider legs as they moved and were just as dark as his feet. They were probably as soft as that little fluff of feathers that peeked out on his chest.

Looking at his face, he was slightly taken aback at the sight of not one but two pairs of eyes peering back, although the second pair were smaller and placed higher on his forehead, just as wide and bright as Via's, but instead of pink they shone with crimson and were as opaque as a ruby. It was obvious who this little girl got her looks from the most; the same dark spot at the tip of his beak, and the same shade of grey blue feathers, only his grew darker in hue as they climbed up his very lean throat, combed into a neat and very trim style that clearly was given a lot of attention. The only blemish to it would be the bold streak of grey that cut through the feathers which easily gave away his age, but somehow that had actually improved his looks as it contrasted the young (and pretty) features of his face.

His outfit wasn’t too extraordinary but still, Blitzø felt himself growing warm at the sight of the white button up dress shirt and the open cranberry pink waistcoat the owl was currently snapping shut dexterously and simple dark slacks that hugged his legs perfectly.

Fuck. I was once woken up with V wearing lingerie that was made pretty much just string but this guy is dressed like a fucking waiter and I wanna lay him flat on the counter.

Blitzø was suddenly that much more thankful for the blanket covering his lap, because he was sure feeling the telltale signs of a growing boner.

Oh well, he was sure it would go away once this guy started to whine about having to deal with a drunken piece of shit first thing in the morning -

The tall owl, even with the slightest of sleep still clinging to it, smiled warmly and brightly at his daughter. “Good morning, my Owlette.” Blitzø felt himself once again be knocked off guard by his chocolaty, silky tenor voice, the sound of it sending pleasant shivers down his spine.

Fuckhim three times, he sounded hot too. Satan, this sucked.

The owl’s pleasant chuckle only added to Blitzø;s horny chagrin. “I see you beat me down to the cafe’ today. I hope you slept well, my Starfire.”

The little “Starfire” nodded happily. “I slept good, Daddy! And so did our guest!” She gestured innocently at the imp, who then tensed at being put on the spot by a kid. “When I came down to check on him, he was snoozing like a kitten!”

Blitzø, of course, made a face. A kitten?

It went unnoticed by the little owl, but not by her father who gave her a stern, but still soft look. “Via,” He started. “You didn’t disturb our guest while he was sleeping, did you?”

“Via” quickly shook her head, he feathers swinging side to side in a flurry. “Mh-mm! No, Daddy, I promise I didn’t! I was real quiet until he woke up and said the bad thing wrong.”

He blinked at her. “The ‘bad’ word?”

“One of the words that Mummy used to -” He explanation was abruptly cut off by her father’s wincing and his hands waving the universal sign for stop. “O-oh, alright, alright, sweetie, I understand, no need to go further!”

Blitzø watched them quietly.

Huh. So pretty boy had post-marital troubles with the little former wifey, huh?

Yeah, that made sense. Aside from his friend’s, Blitzø had yet to see any marriage that wasn’t one step away to instating the “death do us part” vow.

This guy must have gotten out while the getting was still good. But not without a few licks dealt, judging by the signs of wariness on his face.

He mentally sighed. Alright the hottie daddy knows you’re here and first impression has clearly gone to shit so, get ready for take two, dumbass.

Blitzø, deciding that jokes was the way to go in a pinch, then said casually. “I guess ‘Mummy’ wasn’t a ‘fudge’ kinda girl.” He then put on his best smile as he looked straight on at the pretty owl. “Me, personally, always liked the mine with plenty of nuts.”

As smooth as it sounded, he still cringed on the inside. Oof, Blitzø, how lame do you sound right now?

However, to Blitzø’s surprise and relief, the innuendo did not go unnoticed by the only other adult in the cafe’. Both sets of eyes went wide and the haggardness on his face was instantly washed away with a swift, prominent pink flush that Blitzø definitely liked seeing. Next to Via, it was probably the cutest thing he saw this morning. It certainly took the edge off the ass-chewing he was sure to get.

Usually, anytime he cracked any sex jokes around others, he was almost immediately told off by whatever prude or asshole or Karen was in the vicinity (i.e. Moxxie) and who clearly had no sense of good humor. (Like they didn’t start humping on each other’s earlobes the second every one’s back was turned like the hypocrites they were.)

Anybody else who didn’t was either not giving two shits or just as eager to talk dirty after a line up of shots.

But this bird seem reasonably sober. But then again, judging by his frame, he was probably the type of demon to go for light drinks like martinis or cocktails rather than tequila or beezlejuice. Considering the little girl now running up to him and hugging his shins, it was more than likely. He had the bitter experience of always dealing with a parent more often found nursing a hangover rather than an infant and it was an all around shitty experience he had no wish to repeat.

However, right now, he wouldn’t mind getting another peek of that cute ass blush as the bird briefly ducked down to scoop up into his arms. “W-well,” He started, “It’s certainly good to see you awake, Mister . . . ?”

“Name’s Blitzø. The “O” is silent.” Blitzø stated without missing a beat.

The owl blinked. “What ‘o’?”

“Exactly.” Blitzø nodded without thinking and once again, groaned in pain as everything from the neck up throbbed.

“Oh dear, hangover not quite remedied yet?”

Blitzø hissed out a breath. “Yeah, that’s a big fat fff-fudgin’ no.” He smirked weakly at Via’s approving nod. “I feel like I decided to go dumpster-diving outside the nearest Sinnabon’s for a midnight snack-run.” His empty stomach than made itself known by giving an impatient grumble. “And it looks like I’m up for round two so I think it’s about time I get outta here.”

The owl blinked again. “I’m sorry?”

Blitzø carefully climbed out of his improvised bed and unsure of what to do, opted to take apart the bedding and fold it as neatly as he could. “Yeah, I know, I know, I should’ve been out of here hours ago, I get it. Satan knows no-one wants to deal with a hungover dumb-a first thing in the morning. I know I wouldn’t, plus you gotta kid here and I can’t imagine you want some strange weirdo around your baby-girl so I better clear out before -”

The quilt literally rising out of his hands cut him off like a record scratch. The fuck-?

He watched cow-eyed as some kind of blue sparkly whatsit energy surrounded the quilt and untangled the lump he had been making a mess out of. It than began folding itself in a much more professional fashion than his was and as soon as it finished, it levitated right over his head and towards the guys who, judging by the ethereal sheen wrapped around his talons, was making it.

“Mr. Blitzø,” He started calmly. “As the owner of a cafe’, I have often had ‘strange weirdos’ coming in and going out from here every day. Thankfully, most of them are courteous enough to show up around working hours, but I am no stranger to any who who wander in from the late-night crowd, which I’m assuming is where you come from.” His tone wasn’t accusing but Blitzø still frowned at the teasing lilt he definitely heard.

“As for my little Starfire,” The bird continued, nuzzling his daughter on the cheek which earned a giggle. “Via, I like to think at least, is an excellent judge of character, especially more so with strangers. So, if she thinks that you’re trustworthy then that’s more than enough reason to let you stay.” With a twirl of his talon, he sent the quilt through the door leading upstairs to, whatever the fuck it led to as he set Via down on one of the stools after a quick, dramatic spin that earned him another giggle. “At least, long enough for us to feed you a decent breakfast.”

That last bit was definitely NOT what Blitzø thought he’d hear. “Uh, excuse me?”

“Oh certainly, after you’ve been given food of actual substance to eat instead of the leftover, surely bacteria-ridden remains scrounged from a random dumpster.” The big bastard responded blithely as he made his way around the counter, to where Blitzø finally noticed the fancy-looking coffeemaker that made him feel more broke-ass than he already was. “But first, I believe refreshments are in order. Would you prefer coffee or tea?”

The asshole part of him wanted to deliver a pissy comeback at the offer. He was a grown-ass man, more than capable of getting his own food, fuck you very much and no trust-fund, (sexy) long-legged prick had the right to tell him what was okay for him to eat or not – Moxxie already got his ass enough about that, he didn’t need anyone else doing that shit.

Big bitch was probably trying to keep him here long enough to call the cops on him the minute his back was turned so he could stick him with some BS robbery charges just for shits and giggles. Which had happened to him before due to more than one nut-job Karen and/or Kevin.

And of course, since it was fucking Hell, there was only a certain amount of times that you could get arrested and get bailed out before the taxpayers think to simply say “Fuck it” and just take your money and never bother to find your cell keys.

That in mind, he was so not in the mood to bust out of prison again, that one stint in Greed was enough for the next five years.

Well, fuck this bird. The front door was right there and he was not gonna have to put up with whatever bullshit this guy was -

His stomach halted his would-be flipping-the-bird-at-the-bird-on-the-way-out escape with a rumble even louder and more impatient than before. The tell-tale smell of brewing coffee didn’t do anything to help quell it. And damn, did it smell good . . .

. . . . . . Oh, forget it, they dump that dumpster every other day and he was too hungover to spare the effort to drive. Or Look for his van. Or try to remember the name of the club he was at.

“. . . I usually have iced coffee. But right now, I’ll take a regular coffee, as black as blood.”

That request was responded to with a humored smile. “I myself usually take it black as sin, but I’m always up for a challenge.” Turning to the way too complicated than should be normal looking, coffee-making monstrosity, he also added, “Also, forgive me.”

“For what?” Blitzø asked as he came closer to the bar. This close, he could now spot a simplistic yet obviously custom-designed hotplate big enough to fit enough food for five people, flat black surface on one side and a classic stove-top on the other.

“For not introducing myself properly earlier.” A clean, see-through glass coffee pot that Blitzø didn’t even see him pull out appeared in his hand as he whipped out a coffee filter so finely made it looked more like a hankie, bypassing the coffee maker completely. “I’m Stolas, owner of this cafe’ as well as Chef and Barista. You’ve already had the pleasure of meeting my daughter, Octavia, my darling little helper.”

“Daddy says I’m his ‘Suzy Chef’!” Via, also now known as “Octavia”, chirped proudly. Before Blitzø took a seat on one of the stools, he moved as to help her up but she shook her head. Gripping the crank under the seat, she pulled it up and down like a desk chair’s until the seat was low enough for her to climb up. He watched in bemusement as she then adjusted the seat back up. Clearly, they were built with the varying heights of Hell’s diverse demographic in mind.

Not bad thinking, Blitzø had to admit.

“Indeed you are, my Owlette.” Stolas chuckled. Having placed the filter inside a clenex wrapped around a chic-looking coffee pot, he placed a silver carafe onto the stove-top side of the hotplate and flipping the switch. Taking out a bag of coffee grounds that smelled fucking fantastic. “She and I have been running this little cafe’ for about four months now. And if I may so, we’re doing rather well. Granted, we’re not millionaires but I’m certainly not complaining.”

In almost no time at all, the carafe’ started whistling sharply. Stolas took it off and replaced it with a small skillet that Blitzø didn’t see being pulled out either, only to stare unabashedly at the medley of cheeses, meats, veggies and eggs that literally flew in from the entry to what he guessed was the kitchen like it was something of out of a kid’s movie. He knew Via giggling at his face but he forgoed responding to that, as while Stolas attended to the coffee pot, a bottle of oil floated over to the skillet and poured a delicate amount inside with two slices of butter following suite. “. . . Uh, yeah, if you’re good at something, you should capitalize.”

“Perhaps, but it’s not really so much about the money as it is the business of cooking itself.” Stolas said earnestly as he dumped the grounds into the filter and sweeped up the carafe to pour in the hot water in one fluid motion. “I find that this line of work gives me much more gratification than that of my previous occupation.”

“Oh, what was that? Real estate spokesman? Attorney? Phone seee-” Blitzø was instantly reminded of Via’s presence as the little girl hummed happily while folding and unfolding a napkin she plucked from the napkin holder closest to them. “-eeecrecy operator?”

If Stolas noticed the near slip-up, he didn’t comment on it. “No, I’m afraid. Simply one of the cogs of the crumbling, over-heated machine that is known as Hell’s government.” While the skillet started to pop and sizzle, the owl than summoned a sizable knife to finely chop one onion to join the oil and butter. As the coffee grounds were left to bloom, Stolas made quite a show of crumbling up a thick sausage into bits with one hand while simultaneously conjuring an actual clutch of flames in the other hand, selecting a few strips of bacon to cook and crisp in a matter of seconds. Most likely to show off for Blitzø and his daughter who “oohed” at the sight.

Admittedly, Blitzø was a little impressed too, but he’d be fucked by a mime before he ever let on. “Geez, playin’ it up a bit, don’t ya think?”

“Perhaps a bit.” Stolas admitted, not so sorry in the slightest. “But compared to how stoic and quiet I had used to be, I relish any chance to ‘play it up’.” Having deemed the bacon thoroughly cooked, which it definitely was going by the smell, he extinguished the flames and set the crispy strips onto a cutting board for a magicked knife to chop up. Washing his hands in a small sink set by the hotplate, he gestured towards the enchanted parade of flying ingredients, allowing three eggs to gently land on the counter.

Blitzø, at this point, had taken his eyes away from the free magic show in front of him, cool as it was, to quietly observe Stolas’s shapely ass as he bent over to retrieve something from one of the lower cabinet.

Hmm. He could feel the tip of his tail flicking in appreciation. Guess the cake wasn’t only in good in the cases.

He tried to keep ogling as unnoticeable as possible as he asked. “Old job sucked that bad, huh?”

“Oh, abominably so.” Stolas groaned as he fished around in the cabinet obliviously. Eventually, he made a small sound of triumph as he located his prize; a small mixing bowl which he then set on the counter next to the eggs. A crooked finger brought a whisk right into his hand just as all three eggs were lifted and cracked into the bowl and the shells were tossed away. “And all I can say is that I’m bloody well glad that it’s behind me.”

“And now Daddy gets to be the bestest chef in all of Hell!” Via proclaimed, which was rewarded with a loving smile.

“Well, I certainly try my best.” He said cheerfully. He made sure to keep close attention to the carafe’ as it poured more water into the now ready coffee grounds as he beat the eggs thoroughly. As dark, fresh coffee began to drip into the pot, he set the bowl aside to neatly dish the sausage and bacon into the skillet. “I don’t know if anything I make will win any awards, but I wouldn’t mind if they didn’t. As long as I have my Via and this cafe’, I’ll be happy.”

Those words, despite himself, left a deep pit in Blitzø’s stomach.

He was all too familiar with the feeling to know that it wasn’t hunger.

And the cause of it was the warm translucent air wafting around in the little cafe’ that was more potent than the coffee.

And more pointedly, how out of place he felt to even be watching it.

He felt his claws clench the leather of his seat, the fabric creaking softly in response to his tightening grip. The pit felt like it was growing larger, making his shoulders tense. He found himself staring full-on at the clean surface of the bartop and tried to ignore the itch of his spines going erect. For the next few minutes, all that was heard was the sizzling and firecracker-like popping of the skillet as the eggs were poured in, the repetitive sound of coffee dripping and Via humming as she tried to fold her napkin into something other than a lopsided square.

Blitzø took a deep breath through his nose, his lips sputtering a bit like a horse’s (Didn’t he wish) as he exhaled.

“. . . Look, I’m . . . ” He paused a moment to think his words over carefully. The last thing he felt like doing right now was to sound an utter dickhead to the guy who was making him a hot meal for a total stranger.

No telling if he was the type to spit in on the plates of assholes who deserved it.

“. . . I’m sorry for, uhm, for having you make deal with me first thing in the morning.” He managed to get out rather lamely.

He wasn’t sure if the bird heard him. But that didn’t stop him from continuing. “I . . . I had a really, really real sh- crappy day yesterday, and – And I just needed to blow off a little steam.”

Images started to flash unbidden in his head. Of zeroes, of bottles, of bitter looks and smashed frames only made everything in Blitzø had been able to blissfully ignore up until that moment, then chose to rear its ugly head making him let out a barely concealed grunt. “. . . Point is, I-I’m sorry for screwing up your day and -”

He was interrupted by a good-sized mug being set calmly before him. He started as the smell of the dark roast curling in soft puffs and into his nostrils, the scent heavenly and already mending the throb of his head – only to be taken aback at the feel of a large, plush-soft hand petting the space between his horns in a comforting rub.

It took every single inch of Blitzø not to either smack the hand away or bite it off on sheer impulse.

He looked up and instead of what he thought for damn sure was going to be a patronizing sneer, – Because how else would any prick look after patting an imp’s head like a puppy’s? - Stolas’s face was as soft and reassuring as the smile on his beak.

A smile filled with nothing but understanding and warmth.

Sweet Lucifer, when was the last tim anyone had smiled at him like that?

“No apologies are need here, Mister Blitzø.” Stolas said simply. No hint of bullshit. “Nothing’s been broken, nothing’s been ruined. So please, don’t worry. I’m not a demon so easily rattled. Especially by lovely surprises such as yourself.”

. . . . Blitzø blamed the warmth he felt tingling on his cheeks on the steam coming from the mug.

Stolas didn’t comment on it, but he was sure that he heard some not very subtle amusement in his voice as he turned back to his cooking. “Would you like for me to add some peppers to dish? They were freshly picked this morning and I’m sure that they’ll taste wonderfully with the eggs.”

“UH-” Blitzø grabbed the mug and pretended to study it to keep himself from doing anything else dumb. “Y-yeah, sure, whatever, go nuts. I’m good with whatever.”

“Marvelous! I’ll add some as soon as the eggs have cooked for a bit.” Stolas said cheerfully. Blitzø muttered a “yeah, whatever” to his back as the owl reached from some green and red peppers big enough for Via to hold in both of her hands. He then made a small hoot that Blitzø, even with how off-kilter he felt at the moment, found cute. “Oh, and let me know how the coffee is, please. I’m trying a new blend I finally managed to put together a few days ago and I’d love to hear your opinion.”

Blitzø blinked at that. “Wha-? You mean this isn’t instant?”

Stolas shook his head. “Oh no. I try my best to use fresh items whenever I cook. Not that I have anything against instant or frozen food, but, as a chef, I find it almost like cheating if I’m not as authentic for my customers. The last thing I want is to have our cafe’ be mistaken for another Twink Trip or Hexxan.”

Blitzø would have taken a shot at that remark. Namely how if you loaded up gas station coffee with a fuckton of sugar, cream, and booze, it didn’t matter about the quality ‘cause who would give that much of a damn about dirty bean water -

That is, had he not taken a sip out of his mug.

It took a moment of peering down at his “coffee” to think up a much more direct response. “. . . . This is the best damn cup of coffee I ever had.”

“Thank you!” Stolas accepted the compliment cheerily. I admit it took much longer to properly cultivate and grow the beans for it than I had originally anticipated. I mean, I already knew the process was intricate but it’s a whole other experience when you actually attempt it yourself.” Stolas gave a weak chuckle as he prodded at the eggs simmering in the skillet. “I’ve lost count of the amount of times I almost blew up my grinder or ruined my insides.”

Blitzø, taking a much larger sip of his coffee hummed appreciatively. “Yeah, bad coffee can f- trip you up.” He knew that to be true. He once had to get his stomach pumped from drinking brew made by some dumbshit in his RV. That experience wasn’t really as painful as the telling-off Moxxie gave him afterwards. Little bitch always had act like he was right.

He took another big gulp. “You did good, though. Five stars.”

It wasn’t blind praise. Blitzø never bullshitted how he felt about what he drank and ate, (Much to Moxxie’s, Fizz’s, his Sunday Barista or, really, anyone’s annoyance) and the coffee was no exception; heavy and crisp with a balanced pairing of earthy and floral notes, the acidity like berries that left plenty of room for flavor instead of just tang. And the aftertaste didn’t linger like secondhand smoke, it left gradually with a mellow sheen that he didn’t mind in the slightest. Even though he was more an iced coffee guy, this was a kind of coffee Blitzø could see himself drinking again. When he wasn’t hungover, that is.

“Well, I’m thrilled to hear that, Mister Blitzø. Thank you.” Stolas responded gratefully.

By now, he had placed a lid over the eggs to let them simmer which allowed him to focus on chopping up the peppers. The imp assumed that had all he had been cutting up before Stolas turned to delicately slide a plate baring an apple that had been sliced in a way that the core stood erect as a tower with the slices spread open like a flower bloom. Before he can ask how the hell he did that so fast, Via chirped happily before plucking one slice and biting into it with a thank you.

Blitzø found her delight over the piece of fruit adorable, which the baby owl took as an invitation to pluck another slice and offer it to him with a smile. Satan, could this kid get any cuter?

He took the offered slice with a cheeky grin. Only to quickly toss it in the air and catch it with his tongue like an iguana’s, adding a “Bleh!” just for laughs, for which he earned a round of giggles from Via. He had almost missed by being blindsided by the cinnamon and spice flavor that had been baked into it. It had to have been made that very morning if the warmth and freshness of the slice was anything to go by, allowing the fruit to melt orgasmically well into his taste-buds. Wow.

He and Via had had unanimously agreed to split the apple between them, with no objections from Stolas as he busied himself with divvying up the vegetables and summoning other ingredients from the kitchen to prepare accordingly. Via filled up most of the time with chattering on innocently about little things, how funny her dream was last night, how home-school was “five times better than private school as there were less big dummy poop-heads” - Blitzø almost choked on a slice while Stolas lightly admonished her about “language” - And how her daddy once made her the bestest cake ever in the in the whole wide world for her fifth birthday. Blitzø, for as sweet as he found her daughterly praise, had to swallow the gag when she started going on about the “tasty” mouse chunks Stolas had added.

Bird or no, eating mice for Blitzø was a flat out no.

A sudden, horrifying though than popped into his head. Was Stolas going to add mice to his food?

Like mouse sausage? Mice bacon? Rat peppers? Was that a thing?! Or was he just pulling a Moxxie and asking dumbass question?

. . . Probably just being a Moxxie.

His internal debate was cut short by something else being set before him. A damn good-looking something.

An omelet the size of Blitzø’s fist lay before him, hot and steaming and straight from the hot plate. Yellow as can be with spots of golden brown, there were no signs of tears of breakage, with a perfect fluffy layer peeking from the folds stuffed with meat, veggies and oozing cheeses. The artsy fucker had even gone the extra mile and draped the top of it with a thin sheet of mozzarella, some garnish and a couple slices of baby tomatoes. Talk about extra.

“There you are, this morning’s special - ‘Egg On Your Face’ Mega-Omelet, with all the fixings and extra cheese for those unwelcome aches and pains. If I’ve done my job right, it should fix you right up.”

“Like magic!” Via dded with a bright smile. Both men chuckled at her.

“Like magic, huh?” Blitzø smirked. Well, I’ll just have to see about that.

Sure, the eggs may have looked good, but Blitzø had learned all too well that food looking good and tasting good were two totally different things.

What looked like a pile of slop to the naked eye could taste just as good as a five morning star meal served Beelzebub herself. The same thing applied to a plate of fancy finger foods that cost the same as a house mortgage but tasted like cardboard in the end. And Blitzø certainly had more than enough exposure to lousy food like that, thank you and fuck you very much, with no wish to repeat it.

Which he hoped he wouldn’t with this monster-omelet before him.

Deciding not to put it off any longer, he picked up his fork and dug the prongs into the soft-cooked eggs, scooping up a decent-sized bite with plenty of pepper, meat and cheese. After a moment’s consideration, he also speared one of the baby tomato slices. He gave the loaded fork a few blows to cool it, because there was no way he was going to down a maybe-shitty breakfast with a burnt tongue.

He stuck the fork in his mouth -

And his mind was BLOWN.

If there was such a thing as a bit of paradise, than these eggs were the mother fucking proof in the pudding. Or omelet, in this case.

The eggs were cooked to perfection; nice and fluffy to where they melt on in his mouth like luscious chocolate from Lust’s first class bakeries. And the flavor was like a parade in his mouth, from the salty onions, the crisp tomato and the sweet peppers, the numerous flavors sucker-punched his sense of taste without overwhelming the presence of the eggs. The meat inside was spectacular too, the bacon was at the optimum point between chewy and crispy, and the sausage was deliciously flavorful and greasy. His kind of meat, with the right amount of salt and black pepper.

He could barely hold down the pleasurable moan, but did nothing to stop all the muscles in his body from going lax.

Man, fuck trying to go to heaven, the key to fucking Eden’s Gate was right in his head hole.

A bemused coo. “So I take it you like it?”

Blitzø taste-jizzed mind abruptly snapped back into focus. Stolas’s beak was curled into a big, smug-ass grin that made his own fault in to a frown. The owl simply looked at him expectant. Dammit, if the kid weren’t here, he would have gladly told the bird exactly where to shove that grin.

Instead, he gave a disgruntled growl. “Yea, it’s . . . okay.”

Most chefs would have promptly gotten offended by such a dry appraisal of their “masterpieces”, especially if it came from an “uncultured swine” such as him.

But once again, Stolas surprised him by delivering a pleased smile in lieu of a hissy fit. “Well, I’m glad you like it. Eat up now, or it’ll get cold.”

Blitzø chose not to shoot off a shitty comeback, despite being rankled by the “order”. He took out his bubbling frustrations out on his food, picking up the plate and bringing it close enough to begin shoveling the omelet into his mouth like a starving man.

The petty, spiteful gremlin that was roughly, meeeh, ninety percent of his overall personality hoped that such a messy personality hoped that such a messy display would earn at least, would earn a groan of disgust. Always did the trick when he wanted to annoy Moxxie.

However, much to Blitzø’s complete consternation, the owl just gave a small humored hoot and returned to the hotplate with a single crack or insult. Like he didn’t give two shits about his bad manners.

Blitzø internally growled. What an ASS.

. . . A pretty ass, but still.

“I’m glad you’re pleased by my cooking skills.” The big bastard (Yes, Blitzø was calling him that again, suck it.) said happily, busying by wiping down the skillet while beating a new batch of eggs and sliding two slices of bread into a small old-fashioned toaster. “I have to admit, my main specialty is baking and drinks, but I try my best to expand my range of cuisine when I can.”

Once the yolks and whites were thoroughly whipped, there were poured into the skillet and almost immediately they started to sizzle and bubble from the rewarmed metal. “Unfortunately, I can’t cook the kind of food necessary to run a full-fledged cafe’.”

Blitzø swallowed a sizable bite of egg and pepper before asking, “Can’t you just wiggle your fingers and hocus pocus a steak or something?”

Stolas shook his head. “Alas that’s more Lady Beelzebub’s forte than mine. Even my magic can only do so much. Now if this was a flower shop that would be another matter, but it is what it is.”

“I’m glad it isn’t.” Via piped up. “I love Daddy’s cafe’! And I love helping him cook!”

“And you do such a magnificent job, my Owlette.” Stolas’s praise was followed by a small plate of scrambled eggs encircled by toast cut into the shape of flowers and mice, covered in butter and jam. Via took it with a bright thanks, digging in right away with a sparkly pink fork also provided by Stolas. “But sadly, a cafe’ needs more than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and milk to cater to wider clientele. Not that I’m downplaying your talent as a chef, darling.”

“I’s okay, Daddy.” Via said, crumbs dotted on her beak from biting into one of her toast flowers. “I know it’s only because I’m not big enough to use the stove yet.” Blitzø mirrored her smile as she beamed up at him. “Once I can do that, Daddy said I could make even better dishes just like him.”

“Indeed I will, Starfire.” Stolas affirmed. “But for now, I’ll have to settle for looking for another cook. Sadly though -” Stolas pulled a face. “- There hasn’t been one suitable enough to help me run things here.”

“Yeah, it’s hard running the show solo.” Blitzø agreed. “Sucks even more when you don’t have a good crew to back you up. Don’t know where I’d be with M&M.”

Stolas blinked. “Uhm, ‘M&M’?”

Via blinked too. “Like the candy?”

Blitzø snickered. “Nah, Moxxie and Millie, friends of mine and my emplo-” He cut himself off with a grimace. “Well. Who were supposed to be my employees.”

The sudden downtrodden shift that overcame the imp id not go unnoticed by Stolas. “‘Supposed to be?’ What does that -”

“Don’t ask.” Blitzø said curtly. After a second, he added a little less harshly. “I-I don’t really wanna get into it right now.”

Because if I do, I KNOW I’m just going to get pissed off and do something shitty all over again.

“. . . . Alright then.”

Blitzø could hear it clear as day that the bird bastard had more questions, and would more than likely prefer to bombard him with rapid-fire questions like Moxxie would when he wanted to be particularly annoying. But thank Satan, he looked put off enough to put him off.

Small blessings.

The next few minutes passed in silence. The lull of it broken only by the sounds of silverware hitting the plates as Blitzø and Via ate, the drip of coffee as more was brewed in the pot and the subdued sounds of crunching each time either a somewhat concerned Via offered Blitzø a bite of her toast or, returning the favor, when he offered her a bite of bacon or sausage – He learned quick that she didn’t like peppers so much so he did well to avoid giving her any filled-to-the-brim bites. He could only hoped that the reason she liked it wasn’t because the meat that was in it wasn’t made from rodent.

It probably was, though, because . . . Birds.

Eventually, Blitzø had cleaned his plate, a satisfying weight settling in his stomach, he let out a contented sigh, his headache feeling miles better than almost a half hour before. “Woo, that was good. A frickin’ plus.”

The owl’s smiled chased away some of the terseness from before. “Happy to hear it. It’s always good to get good reviews on new dishes.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet. Quick question, though.”

“Yes?”

Blitzø pointed at the now empty plate. “Level with me – Was there any mice in that? Because, I get it, you and Via are birds, but I kinda draw the line when it comes to eating plague-carrying little turds.”

Stolas tittered at that. “No, no, I assure you, no lovely vermin of any kind was served to you. Unfortunately, I’ve learned that mice are terrible cures for hangovers.”

“What’s a hangover?” Via asked in that no-filter, childishly clueless way that all little hellspawn did.

Stolas, in a perfectly natural response to such a question, was freeze awkwardly. “O-oh, well, erm-”

Blitzø supplied the answer. “It’s like a really bad stomach bug, but for grown-ups.” Giving the little owl a conspiratorial grin, he added in a fake whisper, “Basically, if you eat too much green stuff, your poop comes out greener than Mammon’s butt.”

Via burst into a peal of little girl laughter that definitely brought an easy diffusion to Stolas’s unease, even earning a couple of barely smothered hoots that were poorly hidden by his hand.

Huh. That was twist.

Usually the parents were scolding him at this point, the usual uptight bullshit spiel about “using such vulgar language in front of their innocent little babies, you demented little firetoad!”

Not that he gave a shit because he was a comic genius, fuckyou, Moxxie.

After a bit, both birds managed to quell their laughter enough for Stolas to gently urge Via to head upstairs and get ready for the day. She agreed without protest, stopping only to allow Blitzø to ruffle her headfeathers as he added, “Gotta look cute for the suckers!” That earned him an admonishing look from Stolas that was weakened by his approving smile.

A smile that only grew bigger when Via caught the imp completely off-guard with an unexpected hug, her tiny arms wrapping swiftly and tightly around his waist, almost sending him falling off his stool. Before he could recover, Via was already heading up the staircase, humming cheerfully all the way.

Stolas’s soft chuckle drew Blitzø out of his shock. “Via has certainly taken a liking to you quickly.”

“Uh, yeah, I-I guess.” Blitzø rubbed at the back of his neck. “Last time I got hugged like that, some piece of shit nicked my wallet to buy thirty Bruiser King gift cards.”

“Oh, that’s a pity.”

“Joke was on him, though, he got food poisoning with the first card he used.”

Stolas hummed approvingly as he poured them both a fresh cup of coffee. “Well, I suppose there is such a thing as karma.”

Blitzø barked out a laugh. “Ha! Yeah, and maybe there’s a God.” He accepted the refilled mug, along with the offered sugar and creamers, and dumped almost each one in like an alcoholic adding liqueur. “Uh, speakin’ of, what do I owe ya?”

Stolas, who had added his own preferred condiments to his coffee in much more moderate manner, paused in his blowing at the steam rising from his mug. “Pardon?”

“What do I owe ya? For the food and coffee.” After a moment, he also added with only a tiny wince of guilt. “And whatever else my drunk ass did to your place before I blacked out.”

By emotionally-traumatized principle, he wouldn’t have asked outright. Often times, being the victim of a classist system that shat on those on the bottom rung, he had been subjected to grossly padded bills and unexpected expenses issued by a good percentage of the “well-to-do” owners of “upstanding establishments” where he wound up spending half the night washing up dishes. Once he got fast enough, and only if neither the food nor the service was worth the lightening of his wallet. Blitzø didn’t hesitate to pull a dine and dash; making escapes either through the bathroom window, the vent, or once through riding one of those fancy dining carts into the kitchen and out the employee entrance that admittingly had been fun to ride . . .

. . . Right up until he learned too late that the entrance opened right up to a three-story staircase with no handrail.

Needless to say, that had been one shitty ride to the hospital, Moxxie lecturing him the whole damn eight miles.

After everything – And he meant everything – in his lower body healed, he opted to hold out on anymore dashing. At least until the little baby-dick whineypuss would get off his fucking back about paying.

That aside, he saw no reason to be the deadbeat bun right now. Not when Stolas had been nothing but polite towards him. Even though he certainly didn’t deserve such kindness . . .

He braced himself for the amount as he took a long sip of his sweetened coffee -

“Oh, you needn’t worry – You don’t owe me a sint.”

Blitzø sputtered into his mug, nearly choking on the brew as he processed the owl’s words. “*Cough* *Cough* *Hack* Blegh! Excuse me?”

“You don’t need to pay me.” Stolas restated. “Like I said, you’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve been nothing but civil, you are obviously sorry for any offense you think you’ve given – Not that you have, don’t make that face – And more importantly, Via likes you. So I see no reason to change you.”

Blitzø frowned at him. “You’re screwing with me.” He stated flatly.

“I assure you, I am not. Honestly, your praise over your breakfast was payment enough. In all honesty, you were doing me a favor.”

“Meaning?”

“I don’t get a chance to try out new recipes on new faces very often, so any new opinions are always appreciated.” Blitzø felt his face fault at the slow, awfully sensual smile the owl sent him. “Especially ones as sublime as yours.”

Blitzø forgoed looking him in the eye, each cerise eye of his hooded and looking at him like he was going to be the next dish for him to devour, choosing instead to chug down half the contents of his mug. Gulping audibly, he mumbled back, “Glad I was such a good guinea pig for you.”

“I prefer the term ‘freelanced taste-taster’, personally.” Stolas retorted politely.

“I don’t want your charity.” Blitzø bit at him.

“Nor am I giving it to you. Like I said, you did me a favor.”

“How do you know I’m not some thieving bastard taking adventure of goody-two-shoes shop owners like you?”

“I have measures set to prevent such an occurrence.”

“I’m an undercover health inspector and you just failed.”

“Now you’re just grasping, dear.”

Blitzø rubbed a hand over his face. “You can’t just -” He let out a frustrated breath. “Look, I get you’re an . . . Okay guy and you are obviously trying to set a good example for your kid. I get that, but I don’t want to be the lasting impression of what to expect when giving out freebies to poor drunken bitches like me. No one should have to deal with that without getting paid, -”

“Mister Blitzø.”

Stolas’s firm tone stopped him with the sharpness of a smacked ruler. His face was stern, but not completely harsh as he eyes were looking at him with a softness that pricked at his chest.

“You. Do. Not. Me. Anything. And when I say something like that, it’s because I mean it with all the sincerity that is implied. It is not just for the sake of looking good in front of Via and certainly not some sort of dastardly ruse to get you to lower your guard. You’ve apologized and you meant it, you’ve been kind towards my daughter and enjoyed my cooking without bias or sarcasm. That said, believe me when I tell that is something I care for much more than any check or bill.”

Stolas sipped at his coffee calmly, making no comment about the for certain mollified expression on his face. “So, please, no more apologies. They are appreciated, but to be honest, after twenty-two of them, it just feels repetitive.”

Blitzø gave him a look. “Sorry what now?”

“Mister Blitzø -”

“Nah, nah, what you just said, the fuck you mean I said sorry twenty-two times?”

Stolas’s beak dropped into a thin line, taking a moment to maybe think his words over before formulating a response, “When Via and I found you last night, you were in a . . . A great deal of distress.” He was clearly trying to more emphatic than judgmental. “You were greatly intoxicated and horridly incoherent. Once I was close enough, all I could hear was you saying sorry over and over.”

Blitzø could feel himself growing hot from the neck up in embarrassment. The apprehensive caution in Stolas’s voice was doing fuck all to help the crashing wave of shame following up like a speeding train.

He didn’t need Stolas to tell him what he was bawling like a baby over.

But, ever the bottom bitch for punishment, asked anyway. “. . . I say what for?”

Stolas then turned sheepish. “O-Oh well, uh-uhm, I don’t quite recall -”

“Bird, I don’t do any of that hee-haw Shit, it’s too early and I’m still hungover and all I’m gonna do is get pissed off now WHAT did I SAY?”

With two sets of eyes, it was easy to see that Blitzø was not going to give up on getting an answer. Stolas sighed softly.

“You made a great deal of apologies to a great deal of people. I didn’t catch every name but, erm, you had quite the list.” He sipped at his mug, stalling for only a minute before continuing.

“You apologized to a miss Mistly for dinging her car door while trying parallel park by a Wacdonald’s, a miss Queen for breaking smashing her one of a kind pirate ship in a bottle instead of the pinata by accident on her birthday, a miss Millie for chipping her favorite ax, a mister Moxxie for making him run all the way to Greed for a single battery for your TV remote, dropping his guitar fourteen times, borrowing his wallet, or more accurately, pinching his wallet to pay for Voxflix twice, a miss Barbie for stealing one of her skirts and ripping it whilst performing a split, I couldn’t really make out what exactly you were apologizing to a “Vee” and a “Fizz” for -”

“Okay!” Blitzø blurted out. “Okay! I get it! I get it! I was a hot mess, no more shit needed, I got it!” He cringed at the indignant crack in his voice. Christ, like he didn’t look enough like a pathetic shit already. He might as well plan to fake his own death again.

You know what they say, fifth time’s the charm.

“It wasn’t that bad.” Stolas’s weak attempt to reassure him only bounced off of the imp like a ping-pong ball. “It really wasn’t. Really, you should have seen me afterwards when I was binge-drinking.”

Blitzø scoffed. “Yeah, yeah, I’m sure you got real frisky from all those white wine spritzers.”

“Actually, I tended to lean more towards absinthe.” Stolas retorted, with no little bit of sass, taking a small bit of gratification from Blitzø’s surprised. “Of course, with how I was knocking back each bottle, you’d almost believe they were Purgerade drinks.”

Blitzø lifted his head from where he had been pressing it into the bartop. “Damn, how many we talkin’?”

“At least two to three on a good night, or whatever was close to that.”

The imp gave a low whistle. “”Fuck me, bird. I get shit-faced after half a bottle, how the fuck are you still standing?”

“At this point, stubbornness and sheer dumb luck, I believe.” Stolas quipped.

That startled enough mirth in Blitzø to actually make him laugh. “Join the club, pal.”

“I fear I cannot, as I have cut back my vigorous drinking to properly attend to Octavia. Leaving my former occupation did wonders for helping me cub the habit.”

“Bosses sucked that bad, huh?”

“Doubly so, considering it was a family business, sort to speak, although, I can assure they were family in name only.”

“Ugh. Preachin’ to the fuckin’ choir – there’s only so much shitty family a bitch could take in one day.”

“That, Mister Blitzø, I can wholeheartedly agree on.”

There were getting off-track. Blitzø bit his lip. “. . . I’m sorry for my shit.”

“For the final time, no more apologizes are necessary.”

He angled his head towards the staircase door. “I probably scared your kid.”

“Via has seen far worse, I assure you. Even when off your cups, you weren’t untoward her in any way, so you can save any of the claims of indecency that you’ve half-heartedly concocted in that crafty little mind of yours.”

“Just let me fuckin’ pay you.”

“I neither require nor want your money and I promise you, should you try to force any $ouls on me, I will promptly set it to aflame.”

“Lilith’s titties, you’re a stubborn bitch.”

“And you are an equally stubborn spendthrift.”

“Fuck you.”

“Not without dinner, if you please.”

Blitzø groaned. “God, we’re gonna keep talking in circles if you don’t just charge me and get it over with. I’m not fucking broke, I have the $ouls, just let me pay you.”

Stolas’s counter remark definitely caught Blitzø unawares. “It’s been a long time since anyone’s done something genuinely kind for you, hasn’t it?”

Blitzø’s hackles rose instantly at the “innocent” statement. “You trying to say something?”

Stolas merely sipped at his coffee. “Just an assessment.”

“Or you being a dickhead.”

“I made you a free breakfast for which I expect nothing in return. I am being absolutely forthright whereas you are choosing not to believe that I have no ulterior motives. Who, might I ask, is being the dickhead here?”

Oh, this smug bitch.

He had wanted to let loose a snarl that would make the owl falter in his not requested charity streak. He felt the urge already rising in his throat, ready to finally tell off this prick who was seriously starting to piss him off . . .

. . . But could only let out a low whine at the exhaustion of prolonging the one-sided argument, the fatigue of a bad night, getting totally smashed and crashing just as hard setting in. Being still half hungover sure as shit was not helping to keep the spark of pride burning.

If anything, Blitzø felt even more tired.

He wanted nothing more than to lay everything out, pay whatever the fucking bird deserved and drag his broke-back ass back home and lick his wounds from last night. And the only thing that was stopping him was getting through to this royally stubborn and feathery (Not to mention pretty soft-looking) bastard of a demon.

“Alright, look – I want to pay you back, but for some weird ass reason, you won’t let me.”

“I think we have perfectly established that.”

“So we got a problem.”

“Which could be solved by you accepting my putting your breakfast on the house.”

“And it should be clear as fuck that ain’t happening.”

“So I’ve gathered.”

Blitzø blew a breath of air out of his nose. “I’m not just being an asshole here – I don’t like owing people anything. I’ve been dipping in and out of debts for years, financial and personal. And just that fucking recently I finally managed to pay off a good chunk of them only to literally be screwed over again almost the same fucking day. So now I’m once again edging too damn close to bankruptcy for my liking.”

He gave the owl a flat look. “Meaning I can’t take any chances, such as freebies or random handouts, cuz Charity was just as easily turn into high-interest loans with zero time frames for return payments, unless you want to set up an installment plan that involves cutting out pounds of flesh ever week. Obviously, a guy like me can’t afford to look any more fucked up than he is with a chunk of anything missing.

“All that said, do you see what I’m gettin’ at?”

“. . . . I’m starting to.” Stolas said with a considerate look.

“Satisfaction eased through Blitzø’s frame. “Great. Glad we finally got that -”

“All the same, you needn’t pay me.”

And just like that it was gone.

He growled so sharply it would have destroyed eardrums had he done it inside of headphone speakers. “You fuckin’-”

“But since you won’t accept the gesture,” Stolas interrupted calmly. “How about just doing me a special favor?”

“‘Special favor’?” Blitzø blinked. “What kinda -”

A sound not unlike a light bulb dinged in his thank full-no-longer-as-sore cranium.

Oh.

Oh okay.

He gave a resigned sigh. “Hooookay, look, tootsie hootsie, if you just wanted a quick shag in the back all you had to do was ask. But I gotta warn ya, the place I’ve fucked in was a public bathroom that probably wasn’t cleaned in the last year or two, so I’ll probably need to wipe down the goods with something. Baby wipes would be good if got’em -”

“NO!” A spluttered hoot brought his attention back to Stolas, whose heart-shaped features had turned an almost violent shade of crimson in the span of half a minute. “No! No, no! Not that kind of favor, no! I mean I need your mouth!”

Blitzø gave him a deadpan look. “Yeah, I got that much, relax.”

“No! No! I mean -” Stolas let out a shaky warble before planting his face into his hands while muttering to himself in fit of bashfulness.

Blitzø just sipped at his coffee, waiting for him to spit whatever he wanted to say out. To his credit, he didn’t stare, knowing from his own share of verbal vomiting moments that doing that would just make his embarrassment worse.

Even though he no clue what the fuck he was suddenly so damn worked up about.

I mean, fuck, if I had a sint for each time I said the “wrong” things, I’d be raking in more money more green than Mammon.

A deep breath. “Forgive me, I’m doing this all wrong. I’m trying to offer you a deal. Something, I hope, will mutually beneficial to the both of us.”

The incredulous look on Blitzø’s face was quickly addressed. “Nothing vulgar or dramatic involved, you needn’t worry. Nothing of the sort.” He took another deep breath. “I would like for to come in again, and try my cooking.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

“Say what now?”

Stolas made a small noise of exasperation. “As I said, I’m still relatively new to running a business dealing with dining and catering and the like. I’m often pushed into having to spontaneously expand my range of techniques and specialties depending on my success. I know I’m capable, but I know that I can’t just rely on my own opinion and preferences alone. Even more so when I’m attempting new dishes. As such, I need an outside opinion.”

The imp blinked. “And yooouuu think that’s me?”

Stolas nodded. “Very much so.”

“Some fucking rando off the street who broke into your private property, was wasted out of his mind and could just as easily rob you blind despite these so-called ‘measures’ you said you have?”

“Not as ‘so-called’ as you say, but yes.”

“Rrrright.” Blitzø rolled his eyes. “Don’tcha have, I dunno other foodie friends, you can ask? Or maybe just wait for some famous food blogger critic douchebag to to come in and give you a rating?”

“None that would trust to be fair or take seriously, or assume my want for approval is really a want for cheap compliments – that I’m desperate enough to give someone license to either be obnoxiously petty or to deliver the best shallow review that procures them a not so low-key invitation to my bedroom.”

Blitzø grunted. “Asshats.”

“You should see how quickly they recoil as soon as they learn of Via.”

“Fuckin’ asshats.”

“Quite.” Stolas affirmed. “And to answer your other question, yes, I do have others whose say I do value, but I’ve heard relying on the biased does not help one’s credibility. I do appreciate the precious few whom I’m fortunate enough to have as friends, but I need a healthy dose of honesty from outside sources to provoke me to experiment and expand myself.”

“And you think that guy is me?” Blitzø repeated, gesturing to himself crudely.

“Of course.”

“Bullshit.”

“Good gracious, and you call me stubborn.”

“It’s not -” He let out a small snarl.

Seriously? He was still keeping this up? Enough was enough.

“Look, I get you’re trying to be nice, I get that. But, trust me, I’m the last fucking guy you want to be nice to let alone have around. Seriously, ask fucking anyone in hearing distance – I’m a right bastard on a good day and a pushy dickhead on a bad one, I’ve fucked up more people than I’ve actually helped and you would have more sense to shoot me rather than invite me over again. I mean, you gotta kid to think about, and -”

Blitzø shook his head. “And you don’t want me messin’ with your business. The one I tried starting flopped before I even got my feet off the ground. Pretty sure that speaks a fuckton for how helpful I can be towards you.”

He could barely ignore the burning sting of truth in that statement.

Saying all the shit that was a constant boiling inside him all out loud sucked.

It sucked balls.

He knew it was better than letting it all rot and fester like he let everything else – But it still sucked.

Fuck what his therapist said about it being being cathartic. He should quit that bitch.

It’s not like he would be able to pay them for much longer anyway.

Blitzø knew he was not the kind of person to be asked to come back. Even the scraps of friends he had managed to hang on to could barely wait for him to leave as soon as he said hello.

Moxxie was the leading example of proving him right. Even when Blitzø actually adhered to his demands of privacy and properly asking for invites to visit, (That Blitzø still found completely anal of him although he bit his lip) Moxxie was adamant to get him out the door before he could even get two fucks in.

Even Millie, Moxxie’s blast and a half of a wife, who was far more accommodating than her whore-back husband, drew the line when it came to his company being longer than necessary.

That was to say fucking nothing about his own flesh and blood.

Barbie Wire, his twin sister, his other half, would sooner see him six feet under before seeing him again.

Cash Buckzo, his father, never asked for him, never wanted him, and made it a point of telling him so straight to his face more than once.

His mother, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . She sure as fuck would have been better off without him.

And his exes? Those who he didn’t remember or couldn’t care to remember, those he never took a chance on because of him being too much of a pussy to try?”

Verosika? It was pretty fucking clear on how that went.

Fizz?

He was never wanted.

He was never missed.

He was never asked to come back.

Not for a visit.

Not for a drink.

Never just to hang and shoot the shit.

He was always tossed away as soon as necessary.

He was always left behind, pushed aside, shoved into the background.

Forgotten.

Dead for all those concerned.

Dead, except in the way he wanted when he was at the lowest he could be.

No one ever missed him.

No one ever wanted him back.

Nobody.

“. . . . I fuck things up more often than I get them right. There’s a pretty good chance if you get involved with me, shit’s gonna go sideways for you too.”

He wasn’t sure if he had muttered that part aloud or not. Not that he gave a shit.

He halfway expected to be asked to repeat himself.

Or maybe Stolas would curse him under his breath for being such a dramatic bitch.

Maybe he would finally cut the bullshit and be real about what the fuck that he really wanted from him.

However, all Blitzø got in response, was a soft touch at his wrist, soft as silk and just as gentle.

Along with two sets of big cerise rose eyes that crinkled gently at the corners as they held his gaze with calmness and sympathy.

And maybe something else, but that could’ve been that whiny, fractured part of himself making up what wasn’t actually there.

“I’ve taken far riskier gambles than trusting a stranger out of the blue, Mister Blitzø.” Stolas spoke in such a comforting voice. “And I have yet to lose from any of them. Perhaps it’s rather cocky to say so, but since my winning streak has yet to be broken, I think you’re a rather good bet to take a chance on.”

The tender smile, that was nothing short of dazzling, he gave Blitzø at the end such a declaration was a damn good seller.

Satan forbid this man ever works for Vox – cause with that smile, he could sell gas station keys like they were the keys to gates of Eden itself. I mean, if his touch alone could send sparks up my arm like he was doing right now. . .

Fuck him if he knew.

The hand causing such a feeling than gave two soft pats to his wrist before lifting away to grab the coffee pot once more, refilling Blitzø’s mug with still steaming java and the exact number of sugars and creams he had diluted it with before.

“So, how does coming in twice, three times a week sound? I usually close the cafe’ around seven since I try to get Octavia in bed by eight thirty on weeknights. If you like to come by over the weekend, I close around six thirty to seven o’clock depending on how busy I get. Except any catering orders or special events, I’m not fussy over whenever you come over. All I ask is that you let me know when you’re coming by in advance so I can have something ready for you. A day or two ahead would be just fine.”

Blitzø, this time, could not find in him to groan loudly in protest to the blatant hardheaded dismissal of the what seemed like hours long argument. The argument he bitterly realized that he couldn’t fight against.

That did nothing to stop him from throwing his head back and scowling at the annoying as shit clean ceiling tiles above them.

“. . . . . . . You really aren’t gonna give this up, are you?” He said after a while.

“I suppose I’m about as bull-headed as you are.”

Blitzø gave a chuffing laugh at that.

Well, fuck.

What was he supposed to do with that?

What could he do with that?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Fuck it, if the worst happened, he could just disappear again, right?

Not likely Stolas would look for him just for a review, right?

. . . . Right.

“. . . . . . . . . . The peppers and onions were both sweet.”

Stolas blinked at him like the owl he was.

Heh. Cute.

“The omelet was good, but it was kinda over-sweetened; I don’t know what kinda onions you added but personally I would use a more subtle kind of onion to help round out the sweetness of the peppers.”

He let this sink in for a moment before continuing, “I remember seeing you add a green pepper so next time I would recommend using a shallot, maybe about half a tablespoon’s worth should be right. A regular tablespoon’s good too if you don’t use too much of the peppers.”

He sipped at his refreshed coffee. “I personally, like some spice in my eggs to help me wake up, so don’t be afraid to throw some in the mix in the future. Like oregano or basil. You don’t have to go crazy with the amount, though, - just about when you’re making the bowl and a few dashes of it on top when ya put it on the plate. It’ll pair well with the tomatoes and not distract you too much from the rest of the food.”

He took a breath. “Coffee’s good, strong enough to double as a chemical peel, everything any caffeine addict is looking for. The aftertaste doesn’t turn me off from drinking the rest and from how it feels going down I am a hundred and fifteen percent sure you’re a nit-pick bitch cuz I taste how finely you ground the beans without turning them to powder. It’s good ya didn’t because that shit’s only good foe about half hour before fighting to keep your eyes open by either shooting up some dope or knocking back enough 66-Hour-Energy drinks to give the Big B a heart attack.”

Shouldn’t he stop? Maybe he was saying too much. Stolas had asked for honesty and Blitzø was doing his best to deliver it with as little jackassery as possible.

Problem was, for Blitzø, jackassery was his default language, according to practically everyone and their fat mom’s. And, most of the time, he didn’t even realize how much he let slip out before he got a sharp crack across the face. Or a knee to the balls.

He chanced a look at Stolas. If he looked upset, he could take it all back. It wasn’t too late, he could still backtrack -

Tiny stars sparked in Stolas’s wide eyes. Small and bright and beautiful, looking every bit like the twinkling little lights his mom would tell stories to him and Barbie back in their childhood. After the circus ring was cleared of trash and the last Hellhorse was tucked in their stall. Back when, even thought hings weren’t easy, everything was okay.

Before everything suddenly wasn’t.

Stolas, upon noticing Blitzø looking at him, instantly grew more flustered in some odd cacophony of joy and mortification, his plumage fluffing up from the top of his crown to the little floof of feathers on his chest. His hands belated came up to smooth them back into place, unfortunately they did little to quell them along with the rosy blush that tinted his face plate into an eye-catching pink.

Damn, this bird was so cute it was unfair.

The anxious itch in his chest was put to ease right there and then.

This couldn’t actually work, could it?

. . . Could it?

. . . . . . Maybe. Just maybe.

Emboldened, Blitzø sent the owl a lazy smile that easily darkened the pink on his face, matching the warmth the imp felt on his own face. “The apple was like a fucking angel feather, so soft and tasty. You have got to show me how the ever-loving fuck you made it turning to to applesauce ‘cause that shit was better than fuckin’ crack.”

Stolas looked like he couldn’t decide whether to be elated or overwhelmed.

After an awkwardly long amount of time, he clearly had settled on elation. His upper set of eyes turned upward in little crescents as his beak returned the smile with a brightness that Blitzø felt proud of bring out.

“I’d be happy to, darling.”

To be continued . . .

ME: Hey all you sinners & saints! Who’s excited for HAZBIN HOTEL coming out this friday?!?!?!? (Or Thursday if you actually watch it at it’s appointed time) I know I am!

I am SO EXCITED AND DESPERATELY TRYING TO IGNORE THE FACT THIS STORY IS LITTERALLY GOING TO LOST IN HAZBIN HIGH THAT I KNOW IS COMING FOR THE PAST WEEK. AND THE WEEK AFTER THAT. And the week after that . . .

ANYWAYSO, here is the recipe for the Mega-Omelet, which let me tell, just reading the ingredients alone mad me feel full! Also, what do you do for your respective hangovers? Let me know in the comments!

I’ll have the next (& FINAL chapter of this installment) written and posted as soon as I can, so until then, eat hearty, everyone!

Oh, and enjoy your stay at the Hazbin Hotel . . .

105 notes · View notes

divine-knight-hand · 1 year ago

Text

Live to Serve

Lady Loki Masterlist || Full Masterlist || Read on AO3

Pairing: Female-Presenting Queen!Loki Laufeyson (or, more like Laufeydottir) x Female Einherjar Soldier!Reader

Summary: After a promotion celebration in honor of your latest act of service to Asgard, you request a new way to be of service to your beloved queen.

Content Warnings: Assisted stripping, unusual pet names (I guess?), slight praise, Loki being a little tease, thighriding, brief mention of marking (hickeys, and the like), cunnilingus, facesitting

…Also, I can’t tell if there's any dom/sub dynamic here. I blacked out and suddenly they had, like, this back-and-forth thing. So, be on the lookout for that. 😅

Notes: After making this silly little post, the gears in my brain went into overdrive, and suddenly, I gave life to this~

I was also inspired by that one TikTok sound that's all like "When I say sit on my face, don't just put 10% of your body weight down. Fucking sit on it. Sit. Like a chair. Don't ask if I can breathe. Just sit down." Lmaooo! So, there's that. (I'm so gay for writing this 🤣)

Also, I’d be a criminal if I didn’t thank @fandxmslxt69 for reading the first half of this and helping me decide what direction I wanted it to go. Even if this wasn’t one of her typical reads, she’s the sweetest person ever and wanted to help anyway. So, THANK YOU, MY WIFE!!! MWAH!!! 💕

Word Count: 3,054

Dividers by @benkeibear [DEACTIVATED]

“You have fight in you. I can’t help but commend that.” Loki towered above me, her voice carrying throughout the throne room, though she didn’t seem to have to use any effort to retain her volume.

Everything about her was regal as ever. Her dark, wavy hair. Her strong cheekbones. Her long, elegant green dress and gold horned headdress. She was everything anyone expected the queen of Asgard to be. She was perfect.

“Your actions today prevented tragedy on a massive scale.” She continued. “Had you not employed your skillset the way you had today, the Kursed would have done more than tire out our border patrol."

“I tried to act accordingly to limit the threat to our kingdom.” I straightened my back in my kneeling position at her feet. “I live to serve the people of Asgard.”

What I really wanted to say was “I live to serve you”, but a glint in Loki’s eye gave me the feeling that she already knew that.

“Your efforts don’t go unnoticed.” The corner of her lip twitched into a small smirk. “I do believe it’s about time for a promotion of sorts, don’t you?”

She reached down to softly grab me by the chin, and my heart fluttered. It took everything out of me not to let my eyes flutter shut and sigh under her touch. I wasn’t clear on my relationship with Loki, but, whatever it was, it wasn’t typical of a queen and a member of her army. I definitely didn’t need anyone else catching wind of what we had between us.

My attention returned to the sound of her saying my full name in that same regal voice of hers. “Someone with your work ethic shouldn’t be kept in a position among the rest of the Einherjar. That would be an insult to your potential. Do you accept the responsibility that comes with being the queen’s personal Einheri?”

My eyes widened. Her what?

“You would be tasked with staying by my side at all times, as well as ensuring my absolute protection.” She continued. “It will not be easy.” She softly chuckled, mischief briefly glinting in her eye. “But, I promise great rewards for you in return.”

My heart was pounding in my ears. She might as well have asked me if I would accept her hand in marriage.

I took a deep breath to compose myself. “No reward would be greater than the opportunity to personally ensure your safety, min dronning.”

“Very well.” She let go of my face and conjured a green handkerchief in her hand before knighting me with it. “Starting today, you’ll bear the duties of my greatest protector.” She held the handkerchief out to me. “Take this as a token of my appreciation to you, and rise for the people of Asgard.”

Applause immediately filled the throne room as I gingerly accepted the handkerchief before rising to my feet. Loki and I shared a smile before I turned to face the audience. Cheering the loudest in the front row were some of my closest friends, Sif, Hogun, Volstagg, Fandral, and Thor. Heimdall stood beside them, his lips curved up in a proud smile as he silently nodded in approval. I bashfully waved at them, willing my cheeks not to glow with my embarrassment. I wasn’t particularly used to being the subject of this level of congratulations.

Wanting to avoid all the eyes on me, I looked back down at the handkerchief in my hands. It was clearly representative of Loki, green with elegant gold embroidery. Upon a closer look, I noticed that the embroidered designs formed words.

Find me in my chambers tonight, it read.

That was when I felt Loki’s fingers curl around my shoulder before she softly purred against the shell of my ear, “Du har gjort meg veldig glad i dag, kjæledyr~”

I felt a shiver down my spine, and had to bite my tongue to keep from moaning with the sudden desire I felt for her. Tonight couldn’t come fast enough.

───※ ·⛨· ※───

“Kneel.” The command was soft, but firm, and I didn’t hesitate to obey.

After my knighting ceremony, there was a feast in my honor. The festivities were almost too much, and I couldn’t help but almost feel that I didn’t deserve all this praise. When I wasn’t facing the embarrassing congratulations from my dear friends, my eyes scanned the room for Loki, locking eyes with her in a knowing glance.

Tonight, she seemed to silently promise me.

Each time, I held her gaze a little too long after she looked away before another one of my friends brought me back to reality.

Once the celebration was over, I didn’t waste a second before heading to her room. Now, I kneeled before her, still in my golden armor from the day’s work.

The low candlelight did nothing to diminish her regality. It only served to deepen the angles of her face as she slowly strolled over, the sound of her heels clicking against the floor and echoing off of the walls to fill the silence between us.

“You arrived quicker than I anticipated you would.” She cupped my face in her hand, thumb rubbing over my bottom lip. “Already so eager to please. Isn’t that right, pet?”

I let my eyes flutter shut and sighed into her touch. “Yes, my queen.”

Then, she let go, all too soon, before strolling over to her full-length mirror. “Normally, I have my maids assist me with this,” She moved her hair, revealing the lacing along the back of her gown’s corset. “But, consider this your first assignment.”

I felt my heart flutter. “Whatever you need, I’ll do it.”

“You can start by helping me out of this gown.” She purred, “Rise, min Einheri~”

Another pang of desire hit me at the sound of her calling me hers. I suddenly craved to hear it again. Min Einheri…

I slowly and wordlessly took to my feet before approaching her. She didn’t turn to look at me, instead, meeting my eye through the mirror in front of her.

“Be gentle, now,” She twirled one of her raven locks around her finger. “I rather like this one.”

All I could manage was a nod before I began to untie the back of her gown. I didn’t even realize, but as my fingers worked to undo the knots, I slowly leaned in closer to her. The smells of her perfumes and shampoo almost made me dizzy. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, just to be able to taste her essence.

Once I loosened the corset, Loki shrugged off the dress, and it fell into a pool of fabric on the floor as she let out a sigh of relief. “That’s better.”

I bit the inside of my cheek as I took in the image in front of me. Loki stood before me in nothing more than a set of lacy green underwear. This wasn’t my first time seeing her like this, but I just couldn’t get past the awe I was struck with each time I was blessed with this vision. This goddess.

My hands itched to explore every inch of her newly exposed skin, but my eyes wasted no time in doing so. They traced along the softness of her thighs, the plumpness of her ass, and the curves of her hips, before inappropriately lingering on her pillowy breasts once she turned to face me.

I bit my lip against a growing throbbing sensation in my core.

“Do you like what you see, pet?” I looked up to meet the mischievous glint that returned to her eye. “I desire to give you so much more than this.” She strolled over, wrapping her arms around the back of my neck. “After all, I have yet to personally reward you for your loyalty.”

She was so tantalizingly close, our mouths only a breath apart, but before I could think to part my lips as an invitation, she pulled away. “Whoops! We can’t leave that lying around, now can we?” She cupped my cheek, rubbing the apple of it. “Would you mind hanging that up for me before it wrinkles?”

“Of course,” I breathed, and she smiled before walking off.

I let out a small sigh as I picked her gown up off of the floor. Leave it to Loki to be a tease. It was as if it was her bedroom trademark to always leave her partner wanting more, and I would gladly fall for it every time. It was a delicious vicious cycle.

I entered her grand walk-in closet, combing through the numerous gowns, tunics, and other glamorous articles of clothing before finding a spot to hang up her gown.

Suddenly, I heard Loki groan my name from the bedroom. My heart dropped into my stomach as I turned around and rushed out of the closet. Had she gotten hurt? Had I already failed at protecting her? Had I-

“Mmh, my darling pet~” Loki’s eyes were shut, her dark waves spilled over the white cotton of her pillows as she laid back in bed. Her breathing was heavy, and a faint blush crept into her cheeks, almost hidden behind the low lighting. I felt a similar warmth creep into mine as my eyes wandered along her now fully naked body, only stopping once they saw her fingers teasing her glistening cunt.

“I suppose I couldn’t wait through my own teasing.” She softly chuckled, cutting herself off with a softer moan. “Your loyalty to me is so… alluring. Appreciated, of course, but so alluring… When you fight for me… When you kneel for me… Gods, I’m so proud of you… and I have to have you.”

I slowly approached the bed, legs shaking from a sudden weakness in my knees. “And I want nothing more than to please you.”

“Oh, min Einheri,” Loki’s eyes rolled back, and the sound she made was absolutely lewd. I gripped one of the supports of her bed as my heart began to pound against my chestplate. The throbbing in my core was incessant. I didn’t just want Loki. I craved her.

“You have no idea what you do to me.” Loki mewled. “You invade my every waking thought… Don’t keep me waiting any longer.” With her free hand, she patted the spot on the bed next to her. “Come here.”

I obediently, but less-than-gracefully, crawled onto the bed before laying down to rest beside her.

“Your majesty-” I breathed before she cut me off by rolling on top of me.

“I believe the time for talk is over.” Her breath was warm against my face as her hair draped down around us. “I want you to show me how devoted you are to me.”

My eyes fluttered shut as she slowly began to lean closer to me, and I risked the move of gently grabbing her hips. “I’ll do anything you ask of me, min dronning.”

Finally, Loki closed the space between our mouths, biting my lip as she pulled away. My lips parted with a shudder, and she kissed me again, her tongue slipping into my mouth. I let my hands run along her back as I raised my knee between her thighs. She moaned into my mouth as she began to slowly grind against my thigh, the only part of my body covered in dark leather rather than shiny armor.

My mind grew hazy. I was drunk off the taste of Loki and the feel of her body against mine. Feeling her cunt clench against the muscles of my thigh was enough to make my head spin… But, I still needed more.

Loki slid her hands up along my chestplate to cup my face, and my hands found the round of her ass, giving it a squeeze. She moaned in my mouth as I began to help guide her along my thigh, my hips slowly bucking with my movements. Our kisses quickly grew feverish, as if we could devour each other. It seemed appropriate, considering the fact that I deeply hungered for her.

Once she broke our kiss, I trailed my lips along her neck, kissing, biting, sucking, licking, and breathing her in. I knew she’d end up all marked up by the end of the night, and a possessive part of me found a thrill in that. I’ll mark you, and only you, min dronning…

“Ah, darling-” The sounds I pulled from Loki were like music to my ears. “You’re too good to me…”

“...need to taste you, mmh…” I gasped before returning to marking her.

“Is that so?” Loki gently coaxed my face out of the crook of her neck. “Allow me to put you to work elsewhere, then~”

“Please, min dronning,” I breathed. “Let me please you.”

Loki sat up, straddling my hips. “And how do you wish to do that?”

I didn’t even have to think about it. “I want you to ride my face.” I softly caressed her thighs as I answered. “I want you to take what you need from me, and let me taste your release on my tongue.” The sweet nectar of your release… My mouth watered at the thought.

“My sweet pet,” Loki leaned forward to caress my cheek. “My loyal Einheri… That sounds dangerous.”

“Danger isn’t foreign to me.” I insisted.

“Of that, I’m sure.” Loki rubbed her thumb along my bottom lip. “But I still implore you to let me know if it becomes too much to bear. Three taps on my thigh and I’ll move immediately. Understood?”

“Understood.” I agreed.

A warm expression graced her features as she leaned forward to cup my face in her hands again. “My darling pet, so eager to please…”

My tongue darted out to wet my lips. “I live to serve you, min dronning.”

The last thing I saw was Loki’s mouth curve into a small smirk before I helped her shift her position to straddle my face.

She still held herself up to give me space, and I gently kissed along her inner thigh, hoping to ease her back into a sense of comfort. “Whenever you’re ready,” I whispered against her soft skin. “Just sit down.”

“Sit down?” A look of shock filled Loki’s eyes above me. “All the way?”

My legs squeezed together as the image began to solidify in my mind. I felt myself fill with a hunger I’d never felt before. I was ravenous, and the only thing to sate my craving was just a few inches from my mouth.

“All the way.” My eyes were unmoving from Loki’s as I reassured her. “I can take it.”

Loki pondered this for a moment. “As you wish.”

I brought my hands up to help guide her hips as she lowered herself down. Once she sat down, I could feel the pressure of her weight on my face, and it only served to spur me on.

I gave her hips a reassuring squeeze, my hands unceasingly caressing them as I began to work my tongue between her folds. My eyes fluttered shut, and I moaned into her cunt as the wet sounds we were making filled the room.

Any apprehension that Loki might have had fell away as I heard her moan. “Ohhh, yes… Just like that… Ohhh, my darling pet…”

I felt her thighs clench against my head, and the dirtiest parts of my mind hoped, just for a moment, that she’d crush me between them. I couldn’t stop the moan that tumbled from my throat once my brain conjured that imagery, the pulsing between my thighs driving me mad.

“Min Einheri…” Loki mewled, and I opened my eyes to see her head thrown back as she was lost in ecstasy. “Min lojale Einheri… You know how to please me so well… Ah- Don’t stop! Don’t stop!”

Her loud moans seemed to rattle off of the castle walls as she began to buck her hips, and I hoped my fingers weren’t digging too deep into her skin while I helped keep her steady. It was difficult to keep myself in check, since I was eating her out as if I was starved. She was everything I wanted–my wildest dreams come alive–and I knew I’d remember her taste for days, craving it until she’d let me have her again.

I wanted to be able to voice my thoughts, but all I could manage was, “Mmmmmmmh… Mmh…” as my eyes fluttered closed again.

Any coherence from my queen was gone, her words practically slurring as her pet name for me was the only thing tumbling from her lips between her panting breaths. “Min Einheri… Ohhhh, min Einheri…”

I felt her clench against my mouth as her moans grew whinier. She was close.

Min dronning… I sighed another moan against her cunt.

Loki cried out my name, her voice a little hoarse as she spilled her release into my mouth. I greedily lapped it up, saliva slowly dripping down the sides of my mouth as I swallowed every drop I could.

As she came down from her high, I noticed her legs shaking as she struggled to move off of me. She only made it a few inches before I gripped her hips again.

“Wait!” I was loudly gasping for air, but I wasn’t fully sated just yet. “Once more… Please…”

“You have to be mad.” Loki breathlessly scoffed. “Have you no consideration for your own wellbeing?”

Not right now. “Please… Min dronning…” I begged. “I’m not done demonstrating my loyalty to you… Please… Once more…”

She deeply considered this, her brows furrowing in the slightest. “You remember our agreement, yes? Three taps if you need air.”

“I remember.” I felt my heart begin to race as I sensed her beginning to change her mind.

A hint of a smile ghosted at her lips as she began to lower herself back down onto me. “Alright, min Einheri… Once more…” At least, that’s what her words said.

A glint in her eye told me that she knew just as well as I did that this wouldn’t be only once more...

───※ ·⛨· ※───

Min dronning - My queen

Du har gjort meg veldig glad i dag, kjæledyr - You've made me very happy today, pet

Min Einheri - My Einheri

Min lojale Einheri - My loyal Einheri

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