#also he's a cishet white guy

[termitesisagrandslam]

my dad is weirdly critical of customer service ppl. not to their faces, he's always polite to them, but if someone is like, aloof or not super attentive or not 100% "professional" in some way, afterwards he'll complain about it and i want to strangle him. it's especially annoying since HE has worked in customer service his entire life, that's been all his jobs, so it's ridiculous he holds everyone to such a high standard.

[invinciblerodent]

for the rook/partner game: 14. for marcus and bellara, 4. for verbena and davrin (I think you talked about it before but I cannot remember for the life of me) 1nnd 16. for emmrich and tristan?

Ahh, I love these, thank you for asking! ❤️

Question list here!

14. Does your Rook get their partner any other gifts (besides the one already in-game)? Does the partner get Rook any? Any gifts that are particularly special?

Ooh, tough one! I think since neither of them have a lot (hey, neither crypt orphan turned glorified undertaker NOR underfunded Dalish historian who lives in a forest is a particularly well-paid profession), I want to say that... it's probably things like, experiences. Loaned books is for sure one, but I want to say that what they exchange most is just... time. Experiences. Small things that only prove that they're thinking of one another.

Like him taking her to skate the Minater and (unused to having money) buying them a bag of roasted chestnuts to share, or leaving a small bag of sweets on her desk. (Candied nuts, perhaps? Dry fruit? I get both the vibe that she likes those, and the feeling that if she were to mention at any point something like "oh, I LOVE honey-roasted almonds!", she'll get some honey-roasted almonds every time he sees some.) Or if she mentions once that it was nice the first time he made it, he'll be making her a cup of spiced tea when he makes one for himself in the evenings, and even if they had no plans, dropping it off for her on his way back to his room. A paper with one of her serials that he'll likely end up keeping, embarrassed, when he realizes that Neve had already bought it for her.

She in turn might blush her way through giving him the first chapter of her story to read. Eventually one of her many janglies (that's totally not a protection charm!) or a strip of fabric in her favorite color will perhaps find its way to the grip of his staff. Little things, sentimental things, ephemeral things that disappear like a shower of sparks in the air.

4. Do your Rook and their partner share the same faction? If so, does that affect their relationship at all? If not, what is your Rook's opinion of their partner's faction? What is the partner's opinion of Rook's faction?

Ooh, I have spoken in passing about something of the like, yes!! Due to her backstory, I gave her an overall... shall we say, healthy wariness of the Warden order in general.

Since there are no (known?) Warden strongholds in Tevinter, I like to think that Ver's experience with them is restricted to the odd wandering recruiter, picking through the prisons and such in search of able bodies to bolster their ranks.

And, due to her work as both a Shadow Dragon and a guard/errand girl in a poor district of the city, Ver unfortunately also meets and gets to know a comparatively large number of people who are down on their luck, or don't have a lot of options- who, when the Wardens come knocking and ask for brave souls, are prime candidates for joining up with them. (It certainly sounds like it beats starting their lives over from scratch either as runaway slaves who will be hunted for the rest of their days, or, if they're lucky, as Liberati always glancing back over their shoulder and one bad month away from slipping back.)

Naturally, of those who leave with the recruiters, not many are ever seen again- whether they perish in the Joining or after, or if they just never get to return to the city, is unclear.

Her best friend (and sort of lover/QPR partner/previous fuckbuddy) Adris was also one of those escaped slaves who got arrested (taking the fall for her entirely), and in order to escape the gallows, left with a Warden instead. He never did end up coming back, and for years, Ver didn't know if he had even survived. (to her excuse, he was a skinny, pale elf boy. like she's pretty sure she could have snapped his femurs like a pair of toothpicks by sitting on his lap, if she was so inclined. even if she had known what the Joining entailed, she thought it was as much a death sentence for him as the gallows.)

(originally I liked leaving it kind of ambiguous whether he lived, but now I'm more of the mind that against all odds, he'd survive the Joining AND Weisshaupt, just to be there in Hossberg to Cause Emotional Turmoil, lol.)

Her mistrust of the Warden order was like, on a very average level for a Tevinter citizen, but the bulk of it comes from how the recruiter, when she demanded that they take her too, rejected her, and that old resentment kind of just fermented into prejudice over time. She's more or less convinced early on that all Wardens are pompous assholes riding high on the old glory of a few, with hero complexes the size of the Anderfels, and their heads so far up their asses that they could tie their small intestine into a bow with their tongue as a party trick.

Initially, the First Warden only reinforces that (even though she knows very well that she sounded a few elephants short of a proper circus when they met)(she had far more than enough clowns tho), but it will take Evka, and Antoine, and most importantly Davrin to dismantle that.

On the flipside, I don't really think Davrin has many Shadow Dragon specific comments or issues, I think he's just... quite aware that she's of Tevinter, and of the city, so he isn't, like, immediately eager to defer to her. He doesn't know her, so he has his doubts, and right away, puts a little mental asterisk beside the statement that she outranks him. But the leadership she shows right after his recruitment and at Weisshaupt will dispel pretty much any doubts about her.

The way it affects their relationship is, I think, not super obvious either, because, well, they are professionals. Davrin gives the barbed comments as good as he gets, plus they are immediately pretty impressed with each other, right from the Minrathous dragonfight on.

also they're both hot, and they both have eyes. that might also skew things slightly.

16. How did your Rook react to getting trapped in the Fade and separated from their partner?

Oh, I'm looking very much forward to that on that playthrough, because I think Tristan is going to be losing his absolute shit in there. (But in like his own stoic, determined way.)

I mean, he's no mage, furthest thing from it in fact, but he's been in the Fade in his dreams before. He's been there physically this whole time. He's got a bloody spirit hitching a ride in his mind, it shouldn't be that different from what he's used to.

But that particular space in the Fade, that place... it's just wrong in there. It's a purgatory. It's a void, it's oppressive, the stench of Solas' rage, and pride, and despair, and just sheer, immense power is all over it, and while he's trying to stay calm, it feels like Purpose within him is in an absolute blind panic. And, with the two of them being so seamlessly fused together, so integrated over the past.... jfc, 22 years, Purpose trying all it can to escape, pulling at his soul... it feels fucking horrible.

It's like his very concept of self is trying to tear itself apart, like his soul is separating into two at a seam that doesn't exist, like his legs want to cleave themselves from his body and he has only his hands to hold them there.

Pile all that happens in there, all the revelations and worries, on top of that, and Tristan is having an awful fucking time.

And he can't even punch/kick/stab the source of his agony! It really is his personal torture chamber in there.

Honestly, though I like to think that Tristan, due to his unique and inexorable connection to the Fade, feels that it's been less than a day in that pocket, and can think somewhat clearly still (unlike Ver, who I think falls victim to the time distortion effect, and loses track immediately- could have been hours or months as far as she's concerned), but still distantly, at the back of his mind, feels how those weeks that pass outside of it are dragging along, day after day.

I think Emmrich, while there was no way of knowing in advance how something as peculiar as Tristan and Purpose's union would react to something like that, had what he thought was a pretty good guess as to what would happen- and I don't think there's any way for him to not have been worried out of his mind.

I think in the regard of their separation, Tristan is probably less worried than Emmrich, considering that he at least has the luxury of knowing that whatever is happening outside, Emmrich has the chance of fighting back, while Emmrich doesn't even know if Tristan is physically capable of staying alive in there.

If being in a place like that had torn Tristan and Purpose apart, it would have killed him instantly, and Emmrich needing to place his utmost trust in the courage of a spirit that can barely communicate (certainly not in words, and certainly not with him), it's... kind of horrifying. Especially with a spirit as malleable and kind of vulnerable as Purpose.

I guess it's very lucky that they are so enmeshed, Tristan and Purpose, because them being one means that their drive for self-preservation is also shared. Without that, they wouldn't have made it out of there alive, I think.

[rnaeborowski]

listen i know vegans can be annoying but we were hanging out with some friends and acquaintances in a voice chat to celebrate my friend's bday and she got excited that she got vegetarian food and two guys were like "uuuuuh i don't understand why people don't eat meat. it's so stupid and they're always pushing their diet on others. vegans actually want to eat meat that's why they eat vegan hotdogs. just admit that you want to eat meat etc etc" and when we pointed out that THEY were currently pushing their diet on my friend and they said wuuuhh it's not the same thing wuuhwuhhh....

so fucking rude and literally everyone else besides these two were like ok can we change the subject no one likes this conversation BUT THEY KEPT GOING

[catparty41]

Paul matthews should experiment with his gender, I think he would like it.

[caliburn-the-sword]

other than the entire adultery plotline, the only thing i would retcon in the entire season 1 of ouat is the fairies are cursed to become nuns in storybrooke. WHAT EVEN WAS THAT??? so many characters became their exact opposites, so why was blue the exact same stuffy woman both as a fairy and in storybrooke? in my mind, the fairies became a giant lesbian commune (so essentially what they already were in the enchanted forest) living on the outskirts of town. and because storybrooke shouldn't have any contact with the outside world, the fairies collectively own a farm that sources most of the food for all of storybrooke. when the curse broke they were like hey actually this is pretty good. and kept being a giant lesbian commune.

[wickedlittlecritta]

.

[crossedwithblue]

life pro tip: be Weird at the hot guy who is hitting on you

[agro-alone]

why is it that when you tell someone they have privilege, they feel the need to tell you about all their life problems?

I'm sorry you have to work a 9 to 5, but that's not the same as being oppressed

[deanncastiel]

omg y'all ever quit a book bc it's so aggressively heterosexual 😩😩😩

[limerence-leftovers]

I know two men who are currently single. One is 26, and the other is 38.

I’ve spoken with both of them at length about what they want in a woman, seeing as they’re cishet and white.

They both immediately went for physical attributes. Thin, but needs to have a nice butt. Boobs can’t be too big. One likes short hair, the other likes long hair. They also went into facial features for some reason. That was the part that made me really uncomfortable as I hadn’t expected either of them to have been that focused on appearances.

Aesthetics came next. Both want ‘alt goth / witchy’ women. It should be worth noting both of these men said their potential partner can’t wear too much makeup.

Lastly came personality and interests. They both said this is the most important thing to them, but they also ‘have to be pretty’. Oh, and they need to listen.

I have some single ladies I’ve also spoken with.

It’s the opposite. They rarely care about looks. It’s about chemistry, emotional connection, feeling safe, and sharing common goals / ideals.

While I know it’s not ‘all men’ it sure as fuck is a lot of you. Also both of these men think they’re part of the ‘good cishet white liberal men’ who voted for Kamala, despite one of them not voting at all.

He’s the 38 year old. To make things worse, he’s trying to date a 24 year old. 🤷‍♀️ His criteria for a potential partner was also under the age of 30 because it means less baggage and they’re still ‘fun to be around’.

You don’t want to know what he doesn’t bring to the table. Either of them, rather. 😅

We do have a male loneliness epidemic, but it’s not women’s fault. We don’t owe you anything. We’re not vending machines you put tokens into and get sex out of. Male culture made by men and perpetuated by men has made men this way. And it’s your job as men to fix it, not point the finger at us and say it’s our fault for not wanting to be with you. Some of us like myself want to actually HELP you, but you guys rarely want to listen. You instead want to complain to us about our gender and how unfair we’re being by not giving you a chance.

We don’t owe you anything.

On January 20th, 2025 and forward, they’re going to try to take our rights. They may succeed.

Men have to take from us because they’ve gaslit themselves into seeing us as the enemy, despite having driven us away by their own actions centered around self interest.

“It’s not all men. But it sure is a lot of you.”

[error-523scintilla]

Also like… not to deter from the point, but how many cis men are you sure are cis? Maybe they’ve not discovered they’re trans/nb/genderqueer/xenogender, or even will end up being part of the intersex community, and neither do you. Wow, it sure is so cool of you to ostracize the people of your community!!! So girlbossqueenslay of you!!

At the beginning of the year, my boyfriend —the token cishet guy of our queer friend group— came out to my as nonbinary, and is still coming out to terms with his gender (us being raised latinoamericanos and him amab in Venezuela). If it wasn’t for having a grand support group of queer friends and a bi girlfriend behind him, probably would’ve never come out. How many “men” are having the same experience? Why can’t they explore their gender and queerness? Why should they be rejected by default?

And another thing is… where’s the intersectionality? White feminism being the ban of our existence, black women will probably have more in common with black cis men than upper class white woman. Same goes with Latino women, or Asian women, or Arab women, having more in common with cis queer men of color than white women.

Oh, and if you’re a gold star lesbian, your sexuality doesn’t makes you less of a bigot :) you’re still next on their target list

"cis men dni" are you ready to come out of your "no boys allowed" treehouse yet. its time for lunch.

[sodacowboy]

my brother has one confirmed queer coworker and one suspected coworker and it’s gonna be like a year before they’re all queer and my brother is coming out to me

[adhduck]

A great starting place to understand privilege and its connection to oppression without completely conflating the two is Privilege, Power and Difference (specifically the latest edition). It is literally all about this exact topic!

I think somewhere people got confused and now think that "privileged" equals "oppressor" and "having privilege" equals "has the power to oppress".

It doesn't.

[kitsune-pop]

I love how much of warhammer 40k is clearly a bunch of white dudes sitting around, thinking up the worst shit imaginable and going "thank god that could never happen to me, the cishet white guy"

angron is a one for one depiction of slavery, yet is painted as the bad guy for wanting to stand against oppression

mortarion is disabled and constantly has his decisions taken away from him by able bodied people only to be seen as moody and uncooperative

magnus is gay or trans or both. literally a guy blamed for something he was born with that he cannot control and told you're bad if you explore this part of yourself. also you're illegal now

fulgrim was actively encouraged to pursue perfection, despite never being good enough for others. he pushed any personal pleasure aside for an uncaring crusade and then is demonized for saying "fuck it, I'll have fun"

lorgar. also known as "this is why you don't abuse your kids"

horus is the golden child who's sent out into the world by himself only to find out Gee, Maybe I'm Not Ready because good ol dad did everything for him then told him "figure it out lol"

alpharius omegon are the autistic kids who don't understand why pops is doing this, maybe we should do things a little different than "blood soaked crusade"

perturabo is the burnout middle kid who did everything to impress his father only to be told "that's what's expected of you" who then got mad since acting out was the only way he got attention

konrad curze has a mental disorder. and is abused because of it

all of these characters were so close to being some of the best representation for minorities we could get in media only for gw to eat shit right at the finish line because they can't commit to an actual story. and it's amazing just how little these writers understand that the things they depict are all real things that people suffer through every day, and are demonized for every single day, especially when we are told these characters are irredeemable and should be destroyed, no questions asked

[sarasade]

One of the most generally useful things to come out of Hbomberguy's plagiarism video and Todd in the Shadows' similar video on misinformation is how they bring transparency to the internet phenomenon of "I made up a guy to get mad at".

Seriously, I've seen people make up a lot of stupid shit on the internet over the years and it's often just a manipulative attempt to paint a group of marginalized people in a bad light.

That's the TL;DR version of this post. 

ANYWAY here is the long version

Those videos are mostly about James Somerton's plagiarism of other queer people's work. However I'd like to talk about that 20-30% of Somerton's original writing- and oh boy. It's mostly about complaining about White Straight Women and misgendering well-known trans creators such as Rebecca Sugar and calling Becky Albertalli a straight woman while it's pretty common knowledge that she was forced to out herself as bi because she received so much harassment over "being a cishet woman who appropriates LGBT+ stories".

One thing that irks me especially is how in his Killing Stalking and Gay Shipping videos Somerton brings up how straight women/ teen girl shippers exploit gay men for their personal sexual fantasies. This gets brought up several times in his videos.

Being all up and arms about Somerton being a "White Cis Gay Who Hates Women and Queer People tm" is not that useful because the kind of rhetoric he's using is extremely common in fandom and LGBT+ spaces on Tumblr, TikTok and Twitter. We really don't need to bring Somerton's identity to this since he is in no way an unique example.

It's hypocritical to make this about an individual person when I've seen A TON of posts, tweets and videos where queer people talk about these Sinister Straight Women who are supposedly out there fetishizing and exploiting queer men. It's pretty clear to me that this is just an excuse to shit on women and queer people for having any sexual interests. At worst these comments are spreading misinformation about BL, a form of media that has been excessively studied by both Asian feminists and Asian queer women.

This all sounds really familiar and I think it's good that people are calling it out as what it is: misogyny and transphobia. I'd also point out the potentially racist motives behind being this hypervigilant about Asian media.

People can absolutely be misogynist regardless of gender or orientation. I really don't know why we need to create some kind of made up enemy to get mad at. I actually think it's almost sinister how "anti-fujoshi" people call Slash shippers and fujoshi misogynists or claim that they have internalised misogyny while being dismissive about women's interests and creative pursuits under Japanese obscenity laws, China's censorship, book bans in American schools and various other disadvances that are part of being a queer and/or female creator.

I think we shouldn't be naive about the bad faith actors who want to turn queer people against each other. For example Fujoshi.info mentions anti-gender (TERF, GC etc) movement using this kind of rhetoric as well.

Anyway if you want to read more:

- about the false info around BL fandom fujoshi.info

-There is the scholar Thomas Baudinette who studies gay media in Japan. Here is a podcast with him and the scholar Khursten Santos

-James Welker is a BL scholar as well. Here is a podcast interview about the new international BL article collection he edited.

-I've already talked about this Youtube channel by KrisPNatz and his great Killing Stalking video that actually engages with the themes of the manhwa

- There is also HR Coleman's thesis DO NOT FEED THE FETISHIZERS: BOYS LOVE FANS RESISTANCE AND CHALLENGE OF PERCEIVED REPUTATION where she interviews 36 BL fans and actually breaks down why fetishization has become such a huge talking point in the fandom discourse. Spoilers, it's mostly about young queer people and women being worried that they will get judged and pathologized for their interest in anything sexual.

-Great podcast about Danmei and censorship with Liang Ge

[jellyfemmedyke]

sorry to ramble in your inbox but its kinda fucking me up how "trans man with a cishet boyfriend who misgenders him behind his back" is like seen to be a person to make fun of in the general queer tumblr space instead of a person who is in a vulnerable situation. i know that there is trans men who are also women and there are trans men who are genuinely okay with dating a cis man who considers himself straight but people talking about these hypothetical couples arent talking about these situations but rather about "haha stupid trans man doesnt realize hes dating a bigot"

theres this attitude that the hypothetical cishet boyfriend is actually a conservative so it should be obvious to trans man that he doesnt respect his identity but i feel like its less "oh its obvious that this specific man is a bigot" and more "obviously cishet white men are bigots" and its weird how people laugh at this person instead of acknowledging that even if you are dating a bigot its usually not a big win for you personally. like the bigot cishet boyfriend isnt going to be okay with his trans man boyfriend starting testosterone. like we can sympathize with emotional abuse happening towards other groups but when its gay and mspec trans men its like "oh he should have known that would happen" or "its his fault for dating a bigot"?

of course people have the same making fun of the victim narrative with afab nonbinary people who date cishet men who misgender them [and im sure this bleeds over to affecting all nonbinary people if people arbitrarily decide theyre afab if the nonbinary person refuses to tell them personal information about themselves but the larger narrative always specifies that this is an afab person] and its almost like a "this is what you get for being attracted to men" sort of thing.

and also i theres something to be said about warning people for signs their partner or potential partner doesnt respect their identity but considering i imagine its a common anxiety among trans and nonbinary people who are into that sorta thing to wonder "am i ever going to find someone who loves me and is also accepting of me for being [insert gender here]?" its sort of fucked up for it to be common to basically claim "yea if youre dating a cis man who said he was straight before he started dating you but says he respects your identity hes probably just straight up lying to your face" and then laugh at the person getting misgendered for not knowing they were being misgendered.

anyway sorry for this big ramble i cant even remember specific instances of this to reference so i might seem like im making up a guy to be mad at but i swear this is like a general attitude and almost running joke i see around. anyway. have a good day.

I absolutely see that too, and I think it's a mixture of straight up victim blaming, because oh noo how dare you WANT to date *gasp* cis men

but it come with an intense transandrophobia and exorsexism because there's a lot more sympathy when it comes to cis women dating cishet men "poor things uwu" but when it's trans men or in this case non binary people assumed to be women, it's always "see I told you so" smug superiority. (cis women get this too, because of misogyny obviously, but it's different and worse for trans men) People are just waiting for a chance to be misogynistic and trans men are an acceptable target. This is honestly extra fucked up when we remember that trans men experience some of the highest rates of domestic violence and rape in the community though.

being trans is such a vulnerable place to be in, and a lot of people, trans or not are insecure or just want to be loved, that's normal. A lot of people are willing to accept certain behaviors from their partners that are bad, because of those reasons as well, victim blaming, and ESPECIALLy telling trans men to toughen up or "what did you expect" is apart of the toxic expectations that get placed of trans men as well. I could honestly go on for hours about this. good ask,anon