#also had to put her on a 30/20 diet

[pedroscurls]

training partners

summary: you hire a new personal trainer to get you back on track, but you don't realize that she's also hugh jackman's trainer until you show up to the gym. pairing: hugh jackman x fem!reader warnings: implied age gap (hugh is 55, reader is in late 20s-early 30s), reader has some description (hair, outfit), sexual tension (lingering gazes, teasing / complimentary banter, soft touches - come on, hugh jackman will be spotting you), no use of y/n. word count: 5.7k a/n: ok, so this is my first real person fanfic in a very long time. i mean no disrespect to hugh jackman and this is purely fictional (all in my delulu mind). next part.

That night, your trainer sent you a text to let you know that your next session tomorrow morning with her would include another person. You didn’t mind, though, you had been training with her for over three months now and she had gotten you back on track. Not only with your physical health, but you were back on track to loving yourself and putting yourself first. 

Your boyfriend of three years had broken up with you before you hired your personal trainer. Throughout that relationship, you had let yourself go. You prioritized him in ways that you never planned to and the feelings were never reciprocated. You always put more into the relationship than he did. You were heartbroken though and still recovering from losing him, but you had come to realize that him breaking up with you was a blessing in disguise. You weren’t happy. You knew that you had fallen out of love with him, but you just couldn’t bring yourself up to be the one to end the relationship. 

And now, meeting your personal trainer three times a week has been something you looked forward to. She always pushed you past your limits, very well aware of your potential, and she always made sure to hold you accountable – with your workouts, with your diet, but most importantly, with your self-talk. She had truly become someone you can rely on and as the months passed, she became a close friend. 

You read the text she sends you: Hey, I hope you don’t mind, but someone is gonna join us tomorrow. I’ve been training him for years and we’ve had trouble finding a good day and time for him to train with me. It’s possible that this will become more permanent since he’s so busy. I hope that’s okay!  

After all that she’s helped you through, you knew you couldn’t complain. Besides, you wouldn’t mind her attention being elsewhere. You knew she would still be there to help you. So, you send a reply: That’s fine with me! It’ll give me a bit of a break if your attention is on him, instead of me. 

She replies quickly: You’re not gonna be slacking off, if that’s what you’re getting at. 

You laugh to yourself and then send her a wink emoji followed by another message: Of course not! I’ll see you tomorrow. 

—

The following morning, you pull up to the gym and climb out of your car. There are two other cars in the parking lot – you know one belongs to your trainer, but the other, you aren’t sure whose it is. Climbing out, you grab your duffle bag and water bottle before making your way inside. You’ve always dressed in an oversized hoodie and spandex shorts when going to the gym and today is no different. You’re wearing a faded black oversized hoodie with black spandex shorts and gym shoes with white socks. Your hair is in a single dutch braid, but is covered when you put the hood over your head and your headphones draped around your neck. 

Once inside the gym, you notice your trainer setting up but you look around and don’t notice anyone else there. Huh, you think to yourself. Maybe it’ll just be me after all. 

You walk over to her and greet her with a hug, setting your duffle bag and water bottle in the corner. “I thought you said there’d be someone else today and it looks like there’s another car outside, but I just see you.”

“Oh, he’s in the bathroom.” she chuckles and then points in the direction of the mats to signal for you to start stretching. “Go ahead and stretch. We’re gonna be doing a full body workout and we’ll start with a cardio warmup.” 

“Yes, coach,” you salute, causing you both to let out a laugh. 

You begin stretching, putting on your headphones over the hood and letting the music play in your ears. Surprisingly enough, you’re playing the soundtrack from The Greatest Showman and it pumps you up, gets you ready for what you expect to be a grueling workout. You’re on all fours, doing the cat-and-cow stretch for several seconds before you see a pair of feet in your peripheral. 

You turn your head completely and look up at the man who decides to begin stretching next to you, flashing you a smile that immediately makes your stomach do flips. He’s wearing a black tank top with black shorts and he’s saying something, but you can’t hear him. You can’t even speak, but then he points to your headphones and you blush instantly. Of course you couldn’t hear him, you’re blaring From Now On and you’re sure that he can hear it from his end with how loud your music is. You remove your headphones, letting it rest around your neck and pausing the song. 

“You know, listening to music that loud can hurt your eardrums, I hear.” He speaks and you melt instantly, his Australian accent thick. 

“Gets me ready for a workout.” 

“What does? The song or how loud you’re listening to it?” He winks. 

“So, you heard what song was playing.” 

“I did. What can I say?” He smiles. “It’s a good song.”

“I’m sorry,” you blurt out. “You’re literally Hugh Jackman and I’m trying not to freak out over here, but I don’t think I’m doing a great job.”

He lets out a quiet chuckle and then reaches out a hand for you to take. You realize that you’re still on all fours, staring at the man who you’ve had a crush on since he became the Wolverine. Quickly, you move to sit properly, not really wanting to introduce yourself in a position that can be taken as very inappropriate.

“Well, I’m Hugh,” he winks, his Australian accent coming through thickly. 

You reach for his hand and gently shake it, looking down at it. His hand is so much larger compared to yours. You introduce yourself and tell him your name before dropping his hand, biting your lower lip as you look around to see your trainer look through her notebook. 

“Nice to meet you,” you finally say. “I’m sorry if I’m crashing your session.”

“I think I should be the one that’s sorry,” he says. “This is only the day and time that works for me right now and she’s the best of the best,” Hugh continues, pointing in the direction of our personal trainer. “She’s helping me get back into shape for the Wolverine.” 

“Oh, so you are coming back?” 

Hugh chuckles and lowers his eyes to the mat before he looks back at you. “I probably shouldn’t have told you that, but yeah. I’m comin’ back.” 

“Well good,” you reply, standing up after you’ve finished stretching. You look down at him and let your eyes rake in his body. It’s one thing to see him in pictures, but it’s another to see him in person, this close. “I always did like the Wolverine. One of my favorites, actually.”

“Oh, yeah?” he asks, his eyes lowering to your exposed legs and back up to your eyes. 

You can feel the tension thicken in the air between you as you both stare at each other. Your eyes can’t help but rake over his arms, the veins along his biceps, his chest flexing with each movement. You clear your throat and nod, biting your lower lip. “Definitely. Guess I got a thing for older men.” You don’t give him a chance to respond before you walk away and leave him to continue his stretching, but you do feel his eyes on you as you walk away. 

You approach your trainer and look at her with wide eyes. “Um, you should have told me you’re Hugh Jackman’s trainer!” 

She laughs and looks over your shoulder at him who’s still staring at you. “If I did, would you have come?”

“No, probably not. I’d be too scared. I won’t be able to keep up with him. I mean, have you seen him? He’s jacked!” 

She scoffs and rolls her eyes. “You can keep up with him,” she reassures. “Trust me.” 

“Well, what if I can’t? I’m gonna make a complete fool out of myself and–”

“Stop.” She interrupts and points at you. “You’re spiraling and you don’t need to. You’re not here to compete with him. You’re both here to work out and who knows, maybe having him here will push you extra hard.”

“You already push me extra hard,” you say. “I leave completely drenched after every workout I have with you.”

“You don’t have to impress anyone. He’s here to workout. You’re here to workout. Remember why you started,” she replies. “And remember how far you’ve come.”

“You’re right,” you nod. “You’re right. He’s just so…” you sigh dreamily and then look over your shoulder to see him stand up and begin making his way over to you both. “Hot.” 

She laughs, “Well, I hear he’s single.”

“Oh my god, he would never go for me! I mean, he’s completely famous and I’m just… Me.”

“There’s that negative self-talk again,” she tsks. “I’m gonna have to put you through a really tough ass workout to make you think of yourself differently.”

“Okay, okay,” you tease. “I’m amazing. I’m perfect. I’m–”

“Beautiful,” Hugh interrupts and winks in your direction. “Sorry, should I have not chimed in there?”

Your cheeks begin to heat up and the pit of your stomach feels like butterflies are swarming in there. He’s staring at you with a grin on his face and it makes you look away shyly. 

“Okay, lovebirds. Can we get this workout started?” Your trainer interrupts, laughing quietly. 

“Um, yeah. Let’s, um, yeah, let’s workout.” You walk over to the stairmaster and climb on it before you see Hugh do the same next to you. You look over your shoulder to see your trainer walk towards the speakers to play the music to get you both ready, but she knows that you like to listen to your own music when warming up.

This gives Hugh enough time to gently lean over and tap you on the shoulder to get your attention. You look up at him with big, hopeful eyes and he’s staring back directly into yours. 

“I’m sorry if I crossed a line there,” he says genuinely. “I just–”

“It’s okay,” you interrupt, smiling up at him. “If we’re giving each other compliments, then I think you’re hot.” 

Hugh looks down and lets out a quiet chuckle. “Even for an old man?” 

“Oh, you’d be hot if you were my age too. But I like that you’re older. Gives you bit of an edge.” 

“An edge, huh?”

“Well, I have always had a crush on you, so…” 

Hugh smirks and he’s about to say something before your trainer speaks up to begin your warmup for fifteen minutes. You then nod in his direction before putting the headphones back on and starting the machine. You’ve always put your all into each workout and you have to tell yourself that you shouldn’t act any differently because the Hugh Jackman is working out with you. You had been so nervous and anxious to be working out alongside Hugh that you didn’t realize just how far you had come, just like your trainer mentioned earlier. For years, you had put someone else before you, put their needs before your own, and for once since then, you feel like you have control over your life again. 

And for once, you knew what you wanted and you were going to go after it. 

—

Fifteen minutes later, you and Hugh both stop the machine and climb off of it. You remove your headphones and take off your hood, already drenched in sweat. You look in Hugh’s direction and notice the sweat slicking off his frame as well, his tank top stained with sweat. You clear your throat and walk over to your duffle bag, setting your headphones inside and grabbing your small towel to wipe the sweat from your brows and temples. You know you’re going to end up removing your hoodie soon, but you feel a bit self-conscious and wish you should have worn a t-shirt because once you remove your hoodie, you’ll be dressed in just a sports bra and spandex. 

You then realize that Hugh’s bag is right next to yours and see him grab his own bottle of water and towel to cool himself down before the start of your workout. 

“Aren’t you hot in that hoodie?” Hugh asks. 

“I like to get a good sweat in,” you blurt out. You clear your throat, not believing that you just said that. “I mean, I just–”

Hugh smiles. “No, no. I understand. It’s like your own personal sauna.” 

“Sure, kinda.” You gnaw at your lower lip before you stand upright, holding onto your bottle of water. “I mean, eventually, this is gonna come off because she makes me work,” you laugh, referring to your personal trainer. “But I like to keep my body and muscles warm.” 

“Ah, so I will get to see what you got hiding underneath there,” he grins. “I mean, your legs look great. I’m eager to see what else you got.” 

Your cheeks heat up once more. “Oh, I wouldn’t be too excited. I don’t have arms like yours.” 

Hugh chuckles and looks down at his own arms, flexing them in front of you and you feel the heat rush immediately between your legs. God, he’s just so muscular and chiseled and– 

“I’d be impressed if you did,” Hugh winks. “Now come on. If we keep her waiting, she’s just gonna make us pay for it,” he continues, pointing to your trainer before he reaches down to take your hand. 

“Ah yeah, that’s a good point. Thanks,” you say, taking his hand as he hoists you up to your feet. You stumble a bit and fall into him, your hands immediately reaching out to brace yourself on his chest. You clear your throat, feeling the hardened muscles underneath your fingertips. His hands fly to your waist to keep you steady and you’re extremely aware of how close you two are. 

“Oh, be careful,” he whispers quietly, looking down at you. “Would hate for you to get injured.” 

“Good thing I’ve got a big, strong man to brace my fall.” 

Hugh chuckles and then releases his hold on you, making you do the same as you both take a step back to create some distance between the both of you. “You’re good for my ego. I’m thinkin’ I’m gonna have to get your number later so that I can be around you all the time.” 

“Are you asking me for my number? The Hugh Jackman?” 

Hugh laughs. “Would that be alright?” 

“I guess we’ll see after today’s training session.” You smile in his direction, feeling more and more confident as the minutes pass. You walk away from him and make your way to your trainer who has two sets of dumbbells next to each other. One set is obviously heavier than the other and you know it’s for Hugh. 

“We’re gonna start off with some bicep curls, supersetting it with bent over rows.” Your trainer begins, continuing to list off the rest of what the workout will consist of. You know that you’ve gotten stronger than when you first started and you try not to focus so much on the man next to you and focus solely on improving than the last time you had trained. 

“After this superset, we’re gonna then move onto a barbell bench press and we’ll also superset it with push-ups.” 

Your trainer continues to speak and you look in the mirror to find that Hugh’s staring at you too. You smile to yourself and then turn your attention to your trainer. She mentions that you will also both be doing squats with a superset of pull-ups. Once she finishes, you watch her make her way to the speaker to turn it up louder. 

Throughout the first exercise, you remain focused on your form, inhaling and exhaling when needed. You feel the burn in your biceps when curling the dumbbells and the burn in your back muscles when doing the bent over rows. You’re dripping in sweat and by the time the first superset is finished, you finally lift the ends of your hoodie over your head. You walk over to your things to drop the hoodie into your duffle bag, grabbing your towel to once again wipe away the sweat. 

Now dressed only in black spandex shorts and a black sports bra, you look up to see Hugh’s eyes taking in your newly exposed frame. He tries to be subtle with where he’s looking, but when your eyes meet his, a shy smile lines his lips. He mouths sorry and then turns away to walk over to the bench where your trainer is setting up. 

“Alright, who wants to go first?” Your trainer asks. 

You speak up instantly. “I’ll go first.”

Your trainer smiles. She always loved your eagerness. “Perfect. We’ll warm up with the bar, both of you.” She points to the bench and you nod, brushing past Hugh to lie back on the bench. You arch your back on the bench and reach up to grip onto the barbell above you. 

“This should be easy for you,” your trainer says. “Aim for 15, but slow and controlled.” 

You nod and unrack the bar before dropping it low to your chest before pressing it back up above you. You focus on your breathing and form as you continue the movements for 15 reps. Once you’re done, you re-rack the barbell and then sit up, looking up at Hugh who’s staring down at you with an impressed look on his face. 

“Same thing for you, Hugh.”

Hugh makes the barbell look like it weighs close to nothing, yet he still controls his movements. You can’t help but watch his muscles flex as he presses the bar for the required amount of reps. It does something to you, seeing him like this, focused and completely in his element. You bite your lower lip and then see him stand up from the bench. He walks away for a moment to retrieve his towel and bottle of water, which gives you enough time to add weight to each side of the barbell. 

This continues for four sets until the last set, your trainer adds 15 pounds to each side, totaling 75 pounds for you to press. You look over at her with wide eyes. “You think I’m able to do 75 pounds?” you ask genuinely. 

“Oh yeah, it’s gonna be easy for you.” 

“But what if–”

She interrupts. “Self-talk,” she says simply. “You can do it. Aim for 3 reps. That’s all.”

Then, Hugh gently nudges you with his shoulder. “You can do it,” he comments, adding your name at the end of his sentence. “And if you want, I can spot you.”

The trainer nods, “That’d be great, Hugh.” Hugh then moves to stand at the top of your head and watches you lie back on the bench. You look up, biting your lower lip at how close his lower half is to you and while you should be focused on bench pressing your personal best, you can’t help but your mind drifting to him. 

“You ready, love?” Hugh asks, the term of endearment slipping past his lips. 

You nod and then place your hands on the bar to unrack before you let it drop slowly to tap your chest before you push it above you with difficulty. It’s heavier than you’ve ever bench pressed before, but having Hugh hover nearby gives you the confidence and strength to do this. 

“Great job, that’s one.” Your trainer says and then you continue for the next two reps without any issue. “Go for five,” she adds.

At the last rep, you struggle, but Hugh’s there to help you push the bar above your chest and then re-rack it. You sit up and grin, sweat dripping from your temples as you stand up. 

“I did it. Oh my god, I did it.” You say with a grin, practically jumping up and down with pride and you quickly move over to hug Hugh, not realizing what you’re doing. Once you do though, you pull back immediately and the heat in your cheeks begin to rise. “Sorry. I just got excited and–”

“Don’t worry about it,” Hugh smiles, his hand moving to rest on your lower back. “You did great. It’s somethin’ to be proud of.”

“Alright, Hugh. You’re up.” Your trainer says with a smile and his hand slowly drops from your back to then add more weight to the bar. 

You move to the mats to do push-ups, but you can’t help but be distracted by Hugh. There is at least one 45 pound plate on each side of the bar and he’s pressing it so easily. His muscles are flexing and you can hear him grunting and it makes you squeeze your legs, clenching around nothing. It’s when he stands up from the bench that he makes eye contact with you and flashes you a wink. 

Oh god, you think to yourself. He definitely knows what you were just doing. 

Throughout the rest of the workout, you and Hugh train without issue. You find that you train really well together, pushing each other to the limit, but also very considerate once you’ve each hit that limit. When it came time to squats though, you find that Hugh’s eyes are glued onto you with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes take in your frame, lingering on your legs and definitely your backside. You pride yourself in the strength you have with squats, being able to add a 45 and a 25 lb plate to each side, totaling 185. 

“Oh, you can do way more than 185,” Hugh says with a chuckle. “That’s way too easy for you.”

“That’s exactly what I said last week,” your trainer laughs. “I think you can at least add another ten pounds each side.”

“That’d be 205 total,” you say hesitantly. “I don’t know…”

“Come on. Let’s add ten each side.” Hugh says, grabbing two ten pound plates and handing one to your trainer. He slides one on one side of the bar while your trainer does the other side. He motions for you to get in position and then steps behind you. “I got you. I’ll spot you again.” 

“But–”

“Self-talk,” your trainer calls out. 

“Fine.” You get underneath the barbell and place it between your shoulder blades as your hands come up to grip the bar. You take a deep breath, looking in front of you in the mirror and seeing Hugh nod reassuringly. “If I’m not able to squat this–”

“You got this,” Hugh interrupts. “It’s all in the mind, love. You gotta believe you can do it.” 

Love. The term of endearment actually motivates you and you take a deep breath before unracking the bar and taking three steps backwards. The bar rests heavily between your shoulders as you squeeze your shoulder blades tight and then you take a deep breath and slowly lower yourself to a squat. Hugh squats with you, arms stretched outwards underneath your own and then stands up once you do. He sees you struggle a bit, but then he watches as you push through your heels until you stand back upright. 

“See, easy,” he whispers into your ear. 

“You’re distracting me,” you call over your shoulder. 

Hugh chuckles and then lets you continue your set of reps. He’s in awe of you. There’s not a lot of people that can keep up with him or his trainer, but he finds your dedication and eagerness to push yourself incredibly attractive. He finds you incredibly attractive. He isn’t paying attention until you re-reack the bar and accidentally bump into him, your backside fully pressed against his front. 

Your trainer wasn’t in the room at the moment, having had to leave to go to the bathroom, so luckily, she wasn’t here to witness the tension that begins to thicken in the air again. Hugh’s hand darts out to rest on your hip, realizing that you were not stepping away from him. 

“You’re impressive,” Hugh whispers, hand tightening on your hip. He feels you push back against him and he growls lowly into your ear. “You keep that up, love and–”

“Hugh,” you whisper, slowly turning around to look up at him. Your hands move to his chest, feeling him flex underneath your fingertips. His other hand comes up to rest on your other hip, pulling you flush against him as the front of your bodies press against one another. “We’re all sweaty,” you point out. 

“Doesn’t bother me.” 

“I think I like having you as my training partner,” you say quietly. 

“Training partner, huh? I like the sound of that.” 

“So, about my number…” you begin, biting your lower lip. 

“Yeah?” 

You really want it?” 

Hugh nods. “Yeah, I really want it.” 

You can’t help but notice the true meaning behind both of your words and you’re about to lean in when you hear the sound of a door opening. Quickly, you pull back from Hugh and look up at him. He’s smiling in your direction and then moves away to remove the weight off the bar. 

“Let’s finish this session and then we can talk.” 

—

After two hours, you and Hugh finally finish the training session with your trainer. You’re lying on your back on the mats, trying to cool down and catch your breath before your trainer gently nudges your foot. You sit up and then stand on your feet. 

“Are you okay with Hugh joining us more regularly? You two are good partners.” she says, arms crossed over her chest. 

“Yeah, that’s fine with me. That was a really good workout,” you point out. 

“Good workout because he was here or because–”

“Because of you!” you interrupt with a chuckle. “And it helps that he’s here too.” 

She laughs. “You did really well today. I know you got in your head a few times there, but you showed up for yourself. How do you feel?”

You shrug. “I’m a work in progress, but today was a good day. I’d consider it a win.” 

“Good,” she replies. “I’m proud of you. It’s not easy, but you’re putting yourself first and that’s a huge improvement from when we first met.” 

“I’m trying,” you say. “Taking it day by day, but I’m feeling good about myself. I feel like I finally have control again.” 

“Well, you deserve all the good things in this world. You just gotta believe that too. I’ll see you next week.” Your trainer walks away to start cleaning up and she waves at Hugh who’s walking towards you now. 

He leans down to grab his bag and drapes it over his shoulder as he looks down at you. “So, I think we’re training partners now.”

“I heard,” you smile. “Will that be okay? I know you have extreme training to do to become Wolverine again, but–”

“Of course it will be okay. Seeing you push yourself out of your comfort zone helps push me out of mine. This will be a good thing. Trust me.”

“Oh, I’ve done a lot of trusting you today,” you tease, grabbing your bag and slinging it across your body. You both wave at your personal trainer before leaving the gym and walking outside to your cars. 

“And I haven’t failed yet, have I?” he asks, walking alongside you to your car. 

“No. No, you haven’t.” 

“Good,” Hugh smiles. “I don’t plan to.” He watches you place your duffle bag into your trunk and then before he could speak, you reach your hand out, palm facing upwards. “What?” 

“Phone please, sir.” 

Hugh’s eyes narrow down at you. Sir. He wants to push you against your car and just devour you, but he has to refrain himself. He reaches for his phone and then hands it to you, watching as you type away. Once you return it back to him, he looks down at his phone and lets out a soft chuckle. He sees your number, but then he notices the name that you entered. 

Training partner 💪

“Oh, very clever,” he smiles. 

“Maybe if I get as muscular as you, we’ll upgrade that to swole-mate.” 

Hugh laughs, his nose wrinkling as the sound of his laughter comes deep from within. It makes you smile that you’re able to make him laugh. You had put him on a pedestal for being a famous actor, but after spending just a few hours with him today, he’s so much more normal than you thought. 

“Swole-mate, huh?” Hugh says after his laughter slowly dies down. “Is that a play on word for soulmate?” 

“Maybe,” you chuckle. “It’s dorky, I know. I was just kidding.” 

“No, I like it. You don’t have to be muscular to be my swole-mate. So, I’m just gonna go ahead and change that.” He then types away on his phone and then turns it in your direction. 

You smile to yourself and see the new name that’s now attached to your number.

Swole-mate 💪

“Perfect,” you say with a smile. 

“I think so.” Hugh responds, staring deeply into your eyes. “So, I guess I’ll see you next week.”

“Yes, you will. Thank you for spotting me today… And pushing me.”

“Happy to do it.” Hugh winks. “Get home safe.”

“You too, Hugh.” 

—

Later that night, you stare at your phone and realize that while you had given your number to Hugh, he hadn’t given you his. You try to reflect on today’s events, but your mind keeps drifting to Hugh. There was certainly something there between the both of you, something unspoken. You convince yourself that the attraction is mutual – after all, you couldn’t help but think back to that moment at the squat rack. You felt every inch of him when you pressed back into him and his hands on your hips– 

You sigh, trying to shake the thoughts out of your mind. There was no way that someone like Hugh Jackman would be interested in someone like you. He’s famous and he could have any woman he wanted and you… Well, you were just normal. 

Your mind continues to drift, but you feel your phone vibrate. It takes you out of your thoughts and you look down to see an unsaved number. Opening the message, a smile begins to line your lips and your heart begins to flutter with emotions you hadn’t felt in a very long time. 

UNKNOWN: Hello, swole-mate. 

You don’t even need to ask who it is because before you can even respond, another message pops up. 

UNKNOWN: It’s Hugh, by the way. 

You lie back on your bed, phone in your hand as you stare up at it with a goofy grin on your face. It feels like you’re a teenager all over again talking to your crush. You then add his number to your contacts list and add the same name that he has on his.

YOU: Hello, Hugh. 

Then, after a few seconds, your phone begins to ring. You answer it without hesitation and hear his voice on the other end of the line. It sounds so much deeper and his accent is thicker as he begins to talk.

“I had to make sure you gave me your actual number,” Hugh chuckles. 

“Why would I give you a fake number? When Hugh Jackman asks for your number, you gotta give the right one.”

He laughs. “You know, I’m a normal person too.”

You smile to yourself. “You’re the Wolverine, Hugh. I think saying you’re normal isn’t doing you justice.” 

“What would you call me then?” He asks.

“I don’t know.”

“Hot, maybe?” Hugh teases. 

“Okay, okay. That got to your head, didn’t it?” 

You can hear Hugh laugh all day if you could. It’s so infectious and it makes you giggle too. “Maybe. Just surprised that someone like you thinks an old man like me is hot.”

“Here we go with the old man thing again,” you giggle. “Have you seen yourself, Hugh? You don’t strike me as old.”

“Oh, well my bones and joints will disagree with you, love.” 

Love. There it is again and your stomach feels like it’s doing flips. 

“You know, you are very distracting, Hugh.” 

“Yeah? Am I distracting you right now?” 

“Maybe…”

Hugh chuckles and then responds, “You’re very distracting too.” 

“And we’re training partners,” you say with a quiet laugh. 

“Actually, we’re swole-mates.” 

You can’t help but laugh as you turn onto your tummy and bury your face into your pillow. Your cheeks are heating up as you hear Hugh’s voice on the other end.

“What’s so funny?” 

“Can’t believe I got you to say swole-mates.” 

Hugh chuckles. “Listen, um…” You can hear him breathing on the other end and it seems like he’s hesitating. Nervous. Anxious, maybe. 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you want to come by my place and have lunch after our workout next week?” He finally asks. 

You bite your lower lip and without hesitation, you reply. “That’d be great. Are you gonna cook for me, Hugh?” 

Hugh lets out a breath of relief and then chuckles. “That’s the plan, yeah.”

“Oh, then I’d love to have lunch with you.” 

“I’ll pick you up and we can ride together to the gym?” He asks. 

“That sounds great, Hugh.” You can’t help but imagine all of the different things that could happen and you can just feel Hugh’s hands on your hips, his length pressed against you as it was earlier. You need it. You need him. You weren’t the type of person to indulge in casual relationships, but after your last and most recent failed relationship, it’s time you prioritize yourself (and that includes your needs and desires). 

“Alright then, love. We should call it a night.” 

“Okay, Hugh. I’ll text you my address.”

“Perfect. Good night,” he says softly. 

“Good night, Hugh.”

You hang up the phone and then look up at the ceiling once you roll onto your back. You have one week until you see him next and you’re sure that something will happen and it excites you. Hugh excites you. 

Before you go to bed that night, you send a text to Hugh with your address. Within a few seconds, he replies.

HUGH: Great. Can’t wait to see you next week. Good night, love. 

[its-time-to-write]

hi my lovely !!

i’m such a big fan of your jamie work and was wondering if you would consider writing about jamie using bantr ??

like she works at richmond and jamie had like a massive light bulb moment when he realised who he’s chatting to but also that he may be are falling in love

totally get if not on your radar !! x

Here you go!! I haven’t written a fic with Bantr yet, so this was fun!!

not saying you’re in love with me 

Dating apps aren’t really your thing. But to be honest, are they anyone’s thing? Or are they like resumes, where everyone just pretends they’re easy and lies about their qualifications?

It doesn’t matter, because you’re on one anyway. 

Keeley Jones (damn her) had hunted you down and practically begged you to sign up for Bantr. 

“Look, you’re young, sweet, and mad fit. Can’t have a bunch of hot footballers in the app and no ladies!”

You had groaned as you put the chicken for today’s lunch in the oven. It’s not easy being Nelson Road’s on-campus chef. There are diet plans to follow, and a million hungry boys all the time. 

It also means you can’t escape Keeley when you’re in the middle of prepping lunch. As soon as it’s served and cleaned up, you can go home. But for now, you’re at her mercy. 

“Keeley, just because I’m the only twenty-something girl on staff here doesn’t mean that I want to date a footballer. Go bother Samantha. She’s what, thirty and goes on dates every weekend? She’s a perfect candidate.”

Keeley pouts. “I’ll set up your whole profile for you. You don’t even have to tell me if you’re talking to someone, just if you like it, yeah? I’ll help you with meals for a week.”

You point your tongs at her. “You will not even think about touching my food for the rest of eternity,” you warn. 

“So you’ll do it, then?” Keeley asks, giving you the full puppy dog expression. 

You consider for a moment. You’re single at the moment, and have been for a good long while. It wouldn’t hurt to be on Bantr and anyway, it’s not like anyone will know who you are. 

“You’re sure it’s anonymous, then?” you ask. 

Keeley jumps up and claps her hands with a squeal. “Totally! Oh my god, I’m so excited for you. I’ll set it up right now. Give me your phone.”

You point to your bag. “It’s in there. Passcode is-”

“Already know it,” Keeley interrupts. You’re not going to question how or why, you just nod and throw your gloves in the trash. 

“Hairnet looks great on you, Keels,” you say conversationally. 

“Fuck you,” she replies, not looking up from your phone. “And- done! You’re ready to start bantering. Ooh, there are a LOT of men nearby! Wonder how many of them are part of AFC Richmond?”

You shoot her a glare, but she just grins. “Put my phone away,” you tell her. 

She slides it back into your bag. “Just promise me you’ll tell me if you like it. I’ll never ask for anything ever again,” she promises. 

You roll your eyes with a laugh. “Sure thing.”

—

STRIKE09 has sent you a message

You grab your phone as soon as it lights up. Keeley’s going to be fucking thrilled that you’re enjoying Bantr this much, and that you’ve been chatting with someone for a week. 

You open your phone to your chat. 

STRIKE09: finally off work

STRIKE09: how’s ur day

STRIKE09: burn anything?

BAKERGURL22: that was a one time thing!!

BAKERGURL22: work was fine. got off early so I could try a new recipe at home

BAKERGURL22: hbu?

STRIKE09: not bad. lads stole all my lynx so im going to boots to get more

BAKERGURL22: u really know how to romance a girl

STRIKE09: ah shit yea should probably try harder to impress u

You chuckle. Whoever STRIKE09 is, he’s been impressing you from the first day. Always asking questions about you, but never too invasive. Flirty, but not over the top. You’d set your age range in 20s-30s, so you were relatively confident this wasn’t some old creep. 

Your phone buzzes so you look down again.

STRIKE09: what did u make today?

BAKERGURL22: lemon cupcakes. not very healthy but super delicious

BAKERGURL22: I have to cook all this healthy stuff at work and sometimes I want to unwind and bake something with too much sugar ya know?

STRIKE09: bet theyre mint

BAKERGURL22: no they’re lemon

STRIKE09: oi, we got a comedian

BAKERGURL22: look, I had to make plain chicken and a salad with fucking olive oil as a dressing today

BAKERGURL22: it was so gross. I apologized 2 the staff but like, it’s what they all requested

BAKERGURL22: worried im gonna be banned from cooking ever again

Across Richmond, Jamie Tartt nearly drops his phone in Boots. He knows exactly who the girl on the other end of this conversation is. The question is, do you know who he is?

He’d assume no, based on the way you’ve been cagey about work. Not private enough though, because he remembers you making a face earlier that afternoon as you said, “Sorry this lunch is such shit, but I guess you all probably don’t care. I swear I’m a better cook than this.”

Jamie had smiled and kept moving, but he’d been thinking about your scrunched nose all day and the sweet way you said sorry.

What are the odds that he matched with someone who worked in the same building as him?

Apparently pretty high.

Jamie’s not really present the entire time it takes him to check out. He’s grateful that the combination of his hoodie plus the tired teen checking him out means he doesn’t have to talk to anyone. 

He kicks off his shoes and flops onto the couch as soon as he gets home, trying to figure out what to say. Should he say anything? What if he does and you decide you don’t like him?

He shrugs it off and puts his phone away for the night.

—

You frown at your phone for the hundredth time this morning.

“What’s got your knickers in a twist?” Keeley asks from her position at the coffee pot.

“Haven’t heard back from my Bantr match. It’s really strange. We were talking last night and then he just stopped responding. He at least sends me a good morning message, but I haven’t even gotten that.”

Keeley gives you a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, babes. Ghosting is an epidemic. Have you looked at any of your other matches?”

You shake your head and say, “Nah, I wasn’t really interested in them. I really fucking liked this guy. He was sweet, funny, and so good at flirting. I dunno, maybe it’s easier to be like that because it’s all through a screen, but it felt like we had an actual connection.”

“Well, you don’t have to message anyone else if you don’t want to. You can delete the app altogether.”

You say, “Thanks, Keels,” then go back to chopping vegetables. One bright spot of the day is that lunch will be less shitty than yesterday.

You slide the vegetables in the salad just in time. You hear the familiar rumble of AFC Richmond coming in from the field so you plaster a smile on your face and get ready to pass them their lunch.

—

The rest of the afternoon slides by in a haze. You put an earbud in as you wash the dishes, say goodbye to the office staff, then head out the front door to your car. Someone calls your name and you jump. “Jesus, Jamie.” You turn around to see him push himself off the wall by the door. It looks like he’s been waiting there.

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly. “You headin’ home?”

You say, “Yeah, I only work for part of the day. What are you doing out here?”

Jamie wraps his hands in the front of his shirt and considers what he’s going to say. He’s been thinking about it all morning, and he’s still not sure what the right approach is.

“Look,” he begins hesitantly, “y’know how Keeley’s promoting Bantr?”

“Yeah,” you say.

“I been chatting up this girl, like, and she- I dunno, I really like her. I was thinking we could meet in person but I don’t know if she’ll… fucking… want to.”

Christ, he’s stumbling over his words like a goddamn fool.

You raise an eyebrow and say, “Okay..? Are you looking for advice?”

You’re beyond confused right now. This is the longest Jamie has ever talked to you, and certainly the most awkward he’s ever been. Usually he takes his food with a wink and a “Thank, love.” Sometimes he’ll even through in a compliment.

Jamie untucks his hands just to shove them in his pockets. Fuck it.

“I know it’s you,” he says bluntly. You open your mouth to say something, but he keeps talking. “Figured it out last night when we were talking. You made lemon cupcakes yesterday, yeah? You hated lunch yesterday and said sorry for it like a million fucking times. My username is fucking stupid, just my position and number.”

He stops, unsure where to go from here. Meanwhile, your brain is whirring a mile a minute. 

“You’re Strike09,” you say slowly. Jamie nods and you slap your forehead. “Oh god, I was flirting with you! Shit, this is so fucking awkward. I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t have done it if I knew who you were.”

“No, that’s the thing.” Jamie takes a few steps, closing the distance between you. “Don’t think we would’ve done it if we fuckin’ knew each other. But we did. And we like each other.”

Your head is still in your hand. This is too much. You’re conscious of the fact that you’re still in your hairnet.

You look at him just long enough to ask, “So what’s your point?”

“We should give it a go.”

You snort. “Yeah, right. What’s your actual point?”

Jamie looks at you incredulously as he says, “That is my actual fucking point! I like talking to you! I think you’re fit! I know I’m fit and you like talking to me. I sneaked out of training to talk to you. Told Roy I weren’t feeling well, and he’s gonna send someone to check on me soon so if you have a real reason why we can’t try dating, I want to hear it.”

“I don’t,” you admit. “It’s just a lot to process.”

Jamie nods. “Yeah, alright, yeah, sure. Let me know. Um, I have to get back before someone finds me. I’ll see you around.”

“See ya,” you halfheartedly reply. 

You think about Jamie the entire way home. You head straight to the kitchen and mechanically begin pulling out baking supplies. Cooking is fun, but it’s also your job. Baking is how you unwind. You’re halfway through an orange tart when you realize what you’re making. 

“Damn it!” you cry. Fucking Jamie. You smack down your spatula and grab your phone to text Keeley with a request. She responds almost instantly with Jamie’s phone number. 

He picks up on the second ring. 

“You rejecting me over the phone now?” he quips. 

“How’d you know it was me?” you ask. 

“Keeley,” he replies, and you can’t stop a smile from spreading across your face. 

“Same,” you say. “I wanted to tell you that I thought about it, and I want to go out with you. I don’t know when you’re free, but I’m around after 3pm pretty much every night. God, that sounds super lame.”

Jamie laughs. “So if you sent me your address, I could be at yours in…”

“Fifteen minutes,” you supply. 

“Set a timer, babe,” Jamie says. “Bet I can make it in ten.” 

[joels-shitty-puns]

The Key To Your Heart - Track 7

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader

Series Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.

Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Fat shaming, name calling, kissing, angst. Mentions of food, weight loss, weight gain, dieting, weighing, potential eating disorder, food guilt. Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f) maybe more smut later idk. Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).

Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably. Further, in case it isn't clear, italics almost always are the reader's inner thoughts!

Word Count: 6.6K!!!

Series List: Here!

Miss last chapter? Here!

Hi guys! I'm so sorry this took a little extra longer than usual. I've had a lot of ideas for this chapter for a long time and I struggled with putting it all on paper. I'm also on vacation 🤪 but I really wanted to get this one out there, especially before Halloween. Also I'm sorry if the spacing and stuff is crap, I did this from my phone/iPad while falling asleep at 3:30 AM. Hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading!

__________

You awoke with a start, your alarms blaring through the bedroom. Giving the snooze button a smack, you reach across your mattress, touching the sheets to find the other side of your bed empty.

It was still warm, but missing the actual body that you fell asleep cuddled next to. Blinking your eyes a few times, you called out into the bedroom. "Baby?"

You climbed out of bed, making your way down the hall to the living room, where you finally saw him on the couch. Sound asleep, eyes gently closed, a soft snore passed from his mouth. At the sound of your footsteps, he opened his eyes, giving a big stretch and wagging his tail.

"Good morning Skippy, my little sunshine! I missed your cuddles this morning. Why'd you move to the couch?"

He looked at you and yawned, his eyes closing once again. You giggled and headed for the shower to get ready for another day. Some of us have to actually work and get stuff done in this house!

_____

The day at work was busy, leaving little time to chat with Pedro. You couldn't help but smirk to yourself as your coworkers buzzed about your new album freshly released the day before. They still hadn't figured it out, but you decided you would continue to let it be your little secret a bit longer. They didn't need to know. Just you and Pedro could share this for now.

On your lunch break, you finally opened your phone to find a few text messages from him. "Good morning! I had fun video chatting with you last night. I'm so glad we listened to your album together, and it was nice to finally get to see you." His message made your heart skip.

Second text from Pedro: "Hey, I hope work is going well for you. I was thinking, maybe if you'd like, we could chat again later? If you don't want to video chat anymore, no pressure, but I enjoyed it and thought maybe if you wanted to, we could."

You replied. "Hey P! It's been a crazy day :) but a good one. Especially waking up happy after enjoying a lovely evening. I would really love to video chat with you again too."

Pedro breathed a sigh of relief at your answer. He couldn't help but feel nervous to ask you, despite having just video chatted last night, and he also didn't want to make you feel pressured; especially with someone as private as you are. But with your response, he smiled as he felt his stomach fill with butterflies at the thought of seeing you again.

_____

Later on, after work, the two of you were texting and deciding on the time to video chat again. However, before you called, Pedro texted you again. "Hey, I had a question for you, but I didn't want to ask it over the phone or video call and make you feel pressured. But, there's this Hollywood Halloween party coming up in a few days. I know you still want to keep your identity, but I thought if you'd like to, each guest is allowed to bring a date, and I thought you could mingle a little with some other musicians and actors. I can just tell people you're one of my friends from a set if you don't want to give your real name. You don't need to tell them anything you don't want out to the public. Plus I would love to spend some time together in person too, if you want to. I know it's a lot, so if you would rather not go, I understand. But I'd love to meet you."

The idea of going to a party filled with other celebrities, AND Pedro, had you filled with mixed emotions. Nervous. Excited. Terrified. Love-sick. Hesitant.

After a bit of thinking,you decided, and the answer seemed obvious from the start. The party sounded terrifying, and was completely unknown territory. But you also knew that if you didn't go, you'd surely kick yourself and regret this chance forever.

Finally you replied. "Okay! I'll go. I'd love to spend time with you, too, Pedro. Thank you for inviting me."

He replied again: "Really?! So, will boo be my date? 👻"

You: "That was a little too.. (candy) corny. I may have to ghost you. 🎃"

Pedro didn't miss a beat. "Okay, you're driving me batty. 🦇 Want to call and talk about our costumes?"

Oh shit, I forgot about costumes.

The two of you chatted, easily falling into the comfortable conversations you always do. Fitting together like two peas in a pod. Even though neither of you were dressed up fancy anymore, it didn't feel like you had to be someone else, or dress up. Things were comfortable. Easy.

Pedro suggested a matching costume, which made you want to scream and pace through your living room. Unfortunately, due to your camera situation, pacing and screaming would surely cause some alarm. After dancing around things like pirates, ketchup/mustard, and movie characters, you finally had an idea and suggested Cinderella and her prince.

"It just feels kinda fitting you know? Nobody knows who I am, but I go out for once, I meet this prince, and he lets me have this fun night. But then at the end of the night, everything goes back to normal, and I'm unknown again."

Until he eventually can't stay away and they both fall in love and live happily ever after… but that's neither here nor there. Totally not my intention.. pffft…

"That sounds like a wonderful idea. Should I send a carriage?" He joked with a wink, but you could tell he was a little bit serious. You couldn't help but feel like he would have reserved a carriage ride in a heartbeat had you said yes.

"Absolutely not. Way too big of a scene," you laughed. "In fact, I actually have work that day. Would it be possible for me to just meet you there after I get off work? I can just take an Uber across town. My work isn't too far from the party and I'm sure parking will be a mess."

Pedro agreed, although he felt bad you'd be taking a ride-share service alone and continued to offer a ride if you needed. He also felt a bit disappointed he wouldn't get to have any time alone with you beforehand, but he wasn't about to tell you that detail.

Either way, the two of you agreed on your plans, and as the days led up to the party, you grew more and more eager. You also felt more and more dread in the pit of your stomach.

But this will be good. It has to be. Right?

_____

The night of the party came quickly.

You got off work, took a quick shower, changed into your costume, did your hair, and added a little bit of makeup. The costume felt silly, but you kept telling yourself it was Halloween and everyone would be in costumes. Plus, you have a handsome prince waiting for you inside. As your mind and heart raced, the Uber driver pulled up to the curb, dropped you off, and you were met with a line to the entrance.

The line to the party was lengthy, filled mostly with eager fans, paparazzi, and journalists hoping to gain entry. Occasionally you'd see a celebrity pass by, but they were quickly ushered in once they were recognized.

You, however, were unknown by all. So you stood in line, surrounded by others who hoped desperately to meet their favorite celebrity. Not unlike yourself.

Having finally made it, you sent a quick text to Pedro. "Hey! I'm here :) sorry I'm late."

Your stomach twisted in knots. Sure, you were excited to meet Pedro. Especially with as much as the two of you have been talking over the past couple months now-

Geez, has it really been months?

But despite your connection, you still had that nagging self-conscious worry that he might not like you. Maybe he's just been talking with you to be nice, and the second you're together in person he won't give you the time of day. Maybe he will find you boring in real life. Maybe he will think you're ugly. Or weird. Or fat. Or -

"Next!" The bouncer at the door yelled after sending yet another hopeful fan away. Your stomach dropped and your mouth was dry.

"Hi, I-"

"NAME?" He barked, clearly done with this whole event.

"Well, actu-"

"Speak up princess, I can't hear ya when ya mumblin," the man said with a thick New York accent.

You cleared your throat. "Actually my name isn't on the list, I'm a guest of Pedro Pascal."

The man, towering over you, let out a bellowing laugh. "YEAH, I'm sure ya are, toots. You and every other woman in this joint."

"But I-"

"And trust me, I've turned away much prettier broads than the likes a' you at this doorway," he said while looking you up and down with an amused look as if he had just told the punchline at a comedy club.

Your heart sank. You always said things like that to yourself on the inside, but it wasn't often that people were that blunt to your face.

The man sneered while smacking his gum and arrogantly moving it to the other side of his mouth with his tongue. That gum. You wanted to punch him if you had to hear him smack it one more time.

"Back a' the line, kid. Y'ain't gettin' in here tonight, but I appreciate the self-confidence," he said, laughing at his own joke.

Disheartened, you didn't even care about meeting Pedro anymore. Your mood was dampened, your ego was hurt, and all you wanted to do was go home, get out of this stupid costume, and cry on your couch. With a short nod, you bit your lip to choke down the tears, turned, and headed towards the exit.

"Hey!!! There you are- wait where are you going?"

You'd recognize that voice anywhere. Pedro.

You turned around, swallowing down your emotions and putting on a fake smile, despite the wave of hurt and anxiety pooling in your stomach and chest. "Hey, Pedro! You found me."

Pedro smiled at the guard and snuck past, telling him "hey, she's with me." Fans in line squealed, which he greeted with a kind wave and charming smile. At last, he reached you and gestured for the two of you to head inside to the party. You gave a nod and a small, half-hearted smile.

You didn't want him to know how upset you were. Not only did you feel pathetic and slightly agree with the bouncer, but you also didn't want to ruin Pedro's night.

As the two of you entered the crowded party, you looked around at the decorations. Filled with purple and green lighting, the Halloween music blared and monsters danced the night away. A bowl of green punch sat on a table to the side, surrounded by bowls of candy and platters of snacks. An open bar was on the back wall, providing both normal booze, and Halloween themed drinks topped with gummy worms or syrup made to look like blood. To the right of the bar was a door to the large rooftop balcony which held tall, dark-green potted hedges, perfectly trimmed and shaped underneath rows of charming fairy lights. Beyond the shrubbery, the deck had several nice patio tables and chairs, a few people catching their breath outside or chatting, and a gorgeous view of the city below with the sparkling sky above.

Back inside and off to the right of the patio door, away from the dance floor, was a door which you assumed was the restroom, based on the long line of women.

"I'd like you to meet some people, if you feel up to it," Pedro yelled to be heard over the booming music from the dj.

"Okay!" You yelled back.

He led you over to a couple of people off to the side of the dance floor, one you recognized as his friend Sarah Paulson, who was dressed in a shimmery witch costume.

Pedro introduced the two of you. Sarah was very sweet, and while you talked music and acting, Pedro touched your shoulder and spoke into your ear to avoid yelling. "I'm going to grab a drink, can I get you anything?"

"I'll just take a soda, thanks!" Although some alcohol might help your nerves, you wanted to maintain a clear head and maybe not do or say something to Pedro that you might regret.

"You got it," he replied, turning on his heel towards the bar.

Once he had left, Sarah gave you a look.

"What?" you laughed.

"You know, he talks about you all the time. I know you already love some other guy based on that hit song of yours, but I gotta say I think he might be smitten with you."

"Oh please, no he isn't. We're just friends!" You smiled at the idea, but inside, you kept hearing the bouncer's words on repeat. There's no way Pedro could have feelings for you. Even if you wanted him to have those feelings more than anything, it couldn't be.

"Whatever you say," she said with a smirk.

A pause before she added "just… don't hurt him. I know you love someone else, but he's a good guy," she pleaded, letting her protective side show.

On his way back from the bar, Pedro ran into Oscar, whom he tagged up with and headed back to your small group. "This is my friend Oscar," said Pedro, introducing you to Oscar as his friend.

Friend. Remember that. Friend. That's all. All you'll ever be.

"Nice to meet you Oscar!" You gave him a cherry smile.

"Nice to finally meet the woman of the hour! Pedro here just won't shut up about you," he said with a smirk, looking at Pedro mischievously. Pedro blushed and looked into his drink cup, taking a sip while trying to hide himself.

"Yep! It's always 'she said this, she said that, can you believe she can do that? She's so smart, funny, sweet…' yada yada yada," he said, smirking again and taking a side glance at Pedro, who choked on his soda. "Shut. Up. Oscar." He quietly threatened through clenched teeth. But despite his quiet tone and a loud party, you heard him.

I mean, I say kind things about my friends that way sometimes. It's nice he's so appreciative of his friends. Because that's what I am. A friend.

Sarah chimes in. "That's what I was telling her! But she claims they're just friends," she air-quotes around the words 'just friends.'

Pedro's heart sank. He knew deep down that's all you were to him, but hearing it second-hand from you still hurt. Just friends… he thought.

"Yeah right," Oscar rolled his eyes, talking to Sarah as if the two of you weren't standing literally right next to them.

"Believe what you want Oscar, but it's true," Pedro answered with a shrug.

Now it was your turn to feel heartbroken. Just friends… you thought.

You cleared your throat, "anyway, I'm going to go get another soda. Can I get anyone anything?" They all answered no, and you headed for the bar.

Deep in your thoughts, you walked over to the bar when a woman slammed into you. She spilled her red, bloody Halloween cocktail drink all down the front of your costume. "Watch where you're going, fat bitch," said the woman, appropriately dressed in a devil costume, her skin-tight red dress barely covering her ass and breasts.

You sighed. At this point you decided to skip the refill and head toward the bathroom to clean up your now wet front. You looked back to see the devil herself headed right towards Pedro's direction. Typical, you thought with an eye roll. She wants him and is mad I was talking to him.

You turned away from that scene and reached the line to the bathroom. It was lengthy, but luckily it was moving fast. Once inside, you finally could let your emotions out a little bit. You wanted to put on a brave face for Pedro and not ruin his evening, but ever since the bouncer made his comments, you couldn't get them out of your head. And now with that woman spilling her drink on you, you had another reason to be upset. You felt undeserving to be here to begin with, and their comments really solidified the imposter syndrome.

Despite wanting so desperately to see Pedro in the flesh, you hadn't even been able to really make eye contact all evening. Your nerves about meeting him were still there, but now you were just upset about the whole night. Even though you wanted to look at him, really see him, you felt like you didn't deserve it; and your nerves warned you not to look or else he'd figure you out.

If he realizes I like him, it's game over. It'll be like that guy I liked before. He'll eventually say it's weird. Weird for me to have a crush on him, weird for me to touch him, weird for the two of us to talk about relationships or sex. It's 'weird' with you.

You really started to hate that word; weird.

Perhaps you were destined to be a single hermit forever. Or maybe just become a nun.

Cleaned up and having let enough tears out for a couple more hours, at least until you could go home and really cry, you walked out of the bathroom. Heading back toward Pedro, you saw a tall, thin, beautiful woman wearing a tight black dress with a slit down the thigh and skeleton makeup on her face.

The woman was standing close to Pedro when you saw her touch his bicep. Slowly running her hand down his forearm, she batted her eyelashes and twirled her hair with her other hand. She said something to him you couldn't hear, but the two of them began to smile, Pedro's eyes growing wide with his grin. He said something to her and they both laughed, him throwing his upper half forward in a classic Pedro laugh.

That's it. I can't do it. I can't be here and see this.

Turning on your heel, you made for the patio door. The crisp air hit your face, urging the tears to fall immediately.

_____

Pedro laughed as the woman, Tricia, held up both hands in defense. "I SWEAR, Pedro. That's what she did. She touched my arm like that, twirled her hair, batted her eyelashes, and said "hey baby. Come here often?"

Pedro laughed, "oh man, that's so cheesy."

"I know!" Tricia laughed, holding her stomach.

Pedro raised an eyebrow. "Okay, you agree it's cheesy, yet I feel like every time I've seen you two together tonight, you're the one that can't keep your hands off of her," he stated with a sassy smirk.

"Alright, you caught me," Tricia replied with a laugh, right as her girlfriend Sam walked up in a matching skeleton costume. Sam handed Tricia a cup of purple liquid and asked what they were laughing about.

"I asked how you two got together," Pedro replied with a chuckle.

"Oh, gosh, I can only imagine how she's spun the story this time!" Sam replied with an eye roll and a quick kiss to Tricia's lips. Seeing the two love-birds kiss made Pedro long to experience that with you.

Where did she go? There's no way she's still getting a drink.

He excused himself and headed towards the bar, but you weren't there. Then he walked towards the bathroom to check the line. Nope.

Finally he looked to the left and saw you, leaning against the balcony which overlooked the city.

He pulled the sliding door open, slipping outside into the cool October night. The patio was mostly empty, apart from a few stragglers on the far side of the rooftop, sitting at the patio furniture underneath a heat lamp. Most of the guests had gone inside when the temperature began to dip. He walked towards you, saying your name to gain your attention, but you didn't turn. Too deep in your thoughts.

"Are you okay? What are you doing out here all alone?" He touched your shoulder gently.

Startled, you tried to quietly sniffle and wipe your wet eyes without him noticing, careful to avoid smudging your mascara.

You turned to face him, planting another fake smile on your face. "Yeah I'm fine, just needed some air, that's all. You?"

"I can tell you're not okay. What's wrong?" He frowned, stepping closer to you and eyeing the red stain on your dress. Confusion laced across his face.

You stepped back a half-step away from his touch. "It's nothing, it just seems it isn't my night I guess… but you look like you're having fun. Get back in there and dance with Sarah and Oscar," you said with a gentle smile. "I think I might head out. Skipper is probably wondering where I am, anyway."

"I'm sorry you're not having a good time. Let me at least give you a ride home," he pleaded with his brown eyes. This was the first time all night you had actually made eye contact with him, finally seeing just how handsome he really was in person.

Yeah. There's no way he'd go for me. That's for sure.

"No, no please, you stay, I'll just get an Uber. It's fine! Thank you for inviting me tonight though, Pedro. That was really sweet of you."

"I'm not letting you take an Uber home when I'm right here."

"No, dont. I don't want you to miss the party…" you added.

"I've partied enough tonight. Come on, I'm taking you home. No arguments," he pressed, puppy dog eyes unwavering in his demand.

Seriously this man could get away with murder the way he looks with those eyes.

"Okay. Fine, if you really don't mind," you finally agreed, not that it was even an option.

He gave a quick explanation to his friends with a brief wave before the two of you headed out the front door. You scowled at the guard as you walked past.

Thanks for ruining my night, asshole.

After receiving his car from the valet, Pedro pulled open the passenger door for you, gesturing for you to climb inside.

Nobody has ever opened the car door for me before, other than my dad.

What a gentleman...

Just because you were upset didn't mean you weren't zapped with a feeling of adrenaline and love at his chivalrous action. Whoever ends up with him is a lucky person.

You climbed in the passenger seat and he went around the car, entering the driver's side.

Not only did you feel like you ruined the party, but you worry you may have ruined your shot altogether. Why would Pedro want you after you didn't even talk to him your first night out together?

_____

*Pedro's POV*

As he climbed into his seat, buckling up and starting the ignition, he couldn't help but wonder where the night went wrong.

Did I say something to offend her?

He began to replay all the conversations you'd had tonight, trying to figure out when your sadness began and what could have caused it.

The party conversations? The texts? The phone calls?

Nothing came to mind, which worried him even more that he could be so ignorant to have said something hurtful without realizing.

Pedro looked over at you in his passenger seat. You were curled toward the side, arms scrunched toward your body and looking out the window. Silent. Just the occasional sound of a sniffle, or a road direction for him to take toward your house.

He wanted so badly to reach over and touch you. Hold your hand and rub his thumb over your fingers to comfort you in any way possible while driving. Then, he'd pull you into his arms the second you two got out of the car.

But he knew he couldn't. You weren't his to hold.

Was her crush at the party too? Could he have hurt her somehow?

He felt anger flare into his system at whatever could have made you cry. You deserved the world and he wished he could spend every day trying to prove it to you.

_____

*Back to your perspective*

About 20 minutes later, you quietly said "this is me."

Pedro put the car in park, and told you to wait. Confused, you sat, but he ran around the car and opened the door for you.

What. The. Hell. Is he real?

You stood from the car, fluffing down your ruined princess dress. "Thank you Pedro. You really didn't have to give me a ride, I feel bad you went out of your way. I'm sorry if I ruined your night."

"Hey, whoa, don't apologize. There's no way you ruined my night, and don't worry about the ride. I feel better knowing you made it home safely from me than some taxi service," Pedro placed his hand on his heart.

"Well, thank you either way. It was nice getting to finally meet you in person…"

"It was nice meeting you too," he shifted his weight, awkwardly wondering how to proceed.

"You should go. Get back to your party before you miss anything else! I'm sure Oscar and Sarah miss you," you prompted.

"Oh, I'm not going back. I'll just call it a night and head home. It's not as fun without my date, anyway." He smirked, and you couldn't help but wonder if he was flirting with you. Probably just being nice.

"You aren't going back??"

"Nah, I'm good. But…" he rubbed the back of his neck with his palm.

"What?" You felt nervous.

"Can I ask why you're so upset? You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. It's just… if I did something or said something to upset you… I'm so sorry," he said, and you could actually feel the genuine sadness in his voice.

"Oh, Pedro. No. You did nothing wrong. It's just," you sighed. "Do you want to come in?"

You worried about asking and seeming too forward, but now that it's out there it can't be taken back.

Friends go over to other friend's houses. It's totally fine and normal.

"I, uh, sure," Pedro stumbled over his words. "I'd love to. If you don't mind." He seemed nervous and a little surprised at your invitation.

You unlocked your door and the two of you entered. Instantly, you were greeted by your boy, who was all too happy to have a new friend. His tail wagged, smacking against nearby surfaces.

Pedro's face lit up instantly, and he crouched down to Skip's level. Letting Skipper get a good sniff, you heard Pedro gently coo to your dog. "Hi buddy!! I'm Pedro. I've heard so much about you." He scratched behind his ears.

Your heart swelled. Here they were, two of your favorite boys, bonding like old friends.

Pedro stood up again, giving a final scratch to Skipper's head before turning to you. "So, do you want to talk about it? What happened tonight?"

You ushered him to the kitchen table, asking him if he would like a drink. "Sure, thanks. Just water, please."

You poured two glasses of water and sat at the table near him, finally delving into the events of the evening. You told him about the bouncer and the woman with her drink. "I also saw that one girl talking to you and being really touchy and flirty and I felt like I was intruding."

I was also really fucking jealous…

"Wait, what girl?"

He repeated the evening's events through his mind. He wasn't flirting or being touchy? Who were you - Oh. Tricia, when she was describing Sam. Were you jealous of her? He allowed his mind to wonder, slightly hopeful that you might want more.

"I guess I just… I don't really feel like I fit in here. I don't look like I fit in here. I don't act like I fit in here. I honestly don't even know why you're as nice to me as you are. I wonder why you want to be my friend. Not that I'm not happy about it, because I am, but-"

He cut off your ramblings. "Whoa, whoa, hey. Sweetheart. You belong here. People just don't know you yet. That bouncer was totally out of line and a complete asshole. That woman, who spilled her drink on you, was rude, offensive, and nasty; and I don't tolerate that kind of behavior. Especially towards those I care about. The second she came over, I could tell she was a snake. I didn't give her the time of day. And lastly, the girl you saw being touchy was my friend Tricia. She was describing how her girlfriend picked her up in a bar," he laughed.

"Oh," you listened to his words, still not making eye contact, looking at your hands on the table.

"And as for you," he prompted, "I'm nice to you because you deserve it. You're sweet and funny, and I'm so thankful to have met you. I talk to you because I like talking to you. I enjoy spending time with you, whether it's on the phone, or, even better, when I get to see your face. Although I have to say I hate to see it crying." He brushed away a tear from your cheek, and you gave a small laugh, wiping the rest of your face.

"Thanks Pedro. I'm sorry if I brought down your night. I just really wanted tonight to be special, and it felt like my carriage turned back into a pumpkin before I even started." You gave another defeated laugh.

"You didn't ruin my night. If anything I'm just disappointed you didn't say anything, so I could help cheer you up or we could go do something else." He paused, brushing your hair from your eyes. "By the way, I never did get to tell you how beautiful you look in that dress, princesa."

Your cheeks heated under his gaze. "T-thanks Pedro. You look pretty handsome there, yourself," you answered nervously. It was the first time you had truly looked at him all night, and he was more beautiful than you ever could have imagined. Even pictures didn't do him justice. Dressed in a white suit with golden epaulets and golden buttons on the jacket, he was the most charming prince you'd ever seen.

Pedro rubbed his neck. "Thank you." He smiled. "But, hey, just because the night didn't go your way doesn't mean we can't turn it around."

You smirked. "That's true. Do you wanna watch a movie or something? Because if so, I think I might change out of this costume real quick," you began to stand.

"Whoa, not so fast princesa," he grabbed your arm.

You turned and gave him a confused look.

"Not before I share a dance with you in that dress. I've been waiting all night," he held out his hand.

"Really?" The grin on your face lit up, and you pulled him towards your music room where you stored your records.

"Wow. This is amazing. You have so many records and instruments in here! Is this where you write your music, too?"

"Yep! Here's where the magic happens," you answered with a laugh, pulling out an old record filled with slow love songs of the 50's and 60's. You placed the needle on the record, hearing a soft crackle as it began to play.

Pedro pulled you into his chest, grabbing your right hand with his left and gently placing his right hand on your waist. You slid your left hand up to his shoulder and smiled up at him as the two of you gently swayed to the music.

One song turned into two. Then three, and finally four; the two of you holding each other, silent except for the soft music turning from your record player on the desk. At some point you took the risk and decided to rest your face on his chest while the two of you swayed. His head rested on top of yours, both of you breathing softly, eyes closed, with you listening to the rhythmic drumming of his heart in his chest.

The record crackled with the end of the first side and the two of you looked at each other. You didn't miss the quick glance he stole from your eyes down to your lips, and you began to slowly lean closer.

Is this it?! Am I finally going to have my first kiss?!

You continued leaning closer, both his and your eyes gently closing. You could feel his breath fanning across your nose when-

Clunk clunk clunk. Pant pant. Whine.

You and Pedro opened your eyes, confusion painting your expressions as you turned your faces away from each other towards the sound. Still held in each other's arms, you peeled your eyes away from each other to see Skipper looking at you both with a big doggy grin on his face. His tail smacked the table with a thump thump, and he let out soft little whines and coos for attention.

The two of you laughed, the moment over, as you both kneeled down to give pets while Skip wedged between the two of you. Although you were disappointed the kiss was interrupted, you can't be mad at such a cute face. Still scratching your dog, you looked across to Pedro on the other side of Skipper. The two of you shared a soft look and smile, filled with so many unsaid words and feelings.

"So, uh.. how about that movie?" Pedro asked, still smiling.

______

You changed out of your princess costume into a comfier movie watching outfit and he changed out of his prince costume. He had some clothes in his car, which he changed into, looking handsome as ever. He wore a navy blue sweater with jeans, both fitting him perfectly. The two of you settled on your couch and turned on a movie. Although you sat next to each other, you kept a friendly distance, neither of you wanting to push the other too far.

As the movie rolled on, you had a hard time focusing on the plot with him so close. He looked so cozy and soft, you just wanted to climb in his lap. You wanted him to hold your hand. You wanted to finish that kiss. He smelled nice, he looked nice, and you wanted him more than anything else in this world.

Without realizing it, you gravitated closer. Your body inched toward him, and without him realizing it, he inched closer as well. It wasn't long until your leg was brushed against his. Just the slight touch of his leg on yours was enough to send an electric feeling pulsing through your body. The tension was as tight as an electrical cable, slowly fraying until it eventually snaps into sparks.

Pedro's fingers twitched at his side, his jaw clenching and unclenching. Your eyes kept sneakily darting over to him, his doing the same at opposite times. Your hearts were racing, breathing quick and shallow. The movie finally ended, neither of you able to tell someone the storyline if asked.

You nervously turned towards Pedro, rubbing the back of your neck. "So that was some movie…"

"Yeah, that ending… it was-" his eyes darted to your lips. "Something." He looked into your eyes, hand settling on your thigh as the two of you once again began to lean in closer. You had just shut your eyes, noses brushing together, when he pulled away.

What the heeeeeeeellllll??? Whyyyy!?

You couldn't help but let out a whimper as you opened your eyes after the second failed kiss of the evening.

Pedro sat with his elbows on his lap, holding his face in his hands. "I'm so sorry…"

"What? Pedro? Why are you sorry? What's wrong? Did I - did I do something wrong?"

Do I smell bad? Does he not like me? Was this some sick joke?

"I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sorry. I let my feelings get in the way, and I shouldn't have done that. You're in love with someone else. I can't steal your first kiss. You deserve to have it with the man you really love."

"Pedro-" you tried to pry his hand from his face.

"No. I'm sorry if I ruined things. I should probably leave-" he began to stand up, but you grabbed his forearm and pulled him back down.

"Stop. Pedro," you begged.

He sat back down, looking into your eyes guiltily.

You continued. "Please don't apologize. I wanted you to kiss me…"

"But that guy in your song. You deserve to be with him. I've been letting my feelings take over and stealing all your time away on the phone and text, video chat, and now in person. I almost stole your first kiss from you twice tonight and-" he rambled on, once again throwing his hands over his face before you interrupted him again.

"Pedro.." you pulled his hand away from his face, leaving yours to hold his cheek instead, but he still avoided your eyes. Taking a deep breath, you figured it was time to take the plunge.

"It's you, Pedro."

His eyes glanced up to yours. "What?"

"It's you. It's always been you. You're the one I like."

"Wait, so you mean-"

"Yes. The songs, the interviews, our chats… I've been talking about you this whole time. I really, really, like you."

Pedro gave a gentle smile, leaning his face into your hand. "I like you too, baby," he whispered.

His hand moved from his cheek to yours and the two of you leaned in. Closing your eyes, you brushed your noses together before you whispered "please kiss me.

You could feel a soft smile as he pressed his lips to yours, first gentle and soft, then stronger and more desperate. Although the kiss was still very tame, you could both feel all the emotions you've been harboring for each other for so long.

Breathless, the two of you pulled back, falling into a gentle laughter. "You don't know how long I've been waiting for that kiss," you spoke softly, wanting to keep the words as quiet as possible, heard only within the tiny bubble you currently shared.

"Me too," he smiled, pressing another kiss to your lips.

"I think you were worth the wait," you pecked his lips.

"I think you were too," he rested his head on your forehead with his hand on your neck, lightly stroking over your hair.

"I like you." You giggled.

"I like you too." He grinned. "But, you know, if I remember correctly, 'like' wasn't the word you used in your song…" he teased.

Your stomach flipped. "I don't want to scare you off too soon, P."

"You won't, sweetheart. You couldn't if you tried. I feel the same way." He kissed your forehead.

You looked at him, and feeling slightly nervous, yet calmed by his deep brown eyes, you told him those important words that have been spilling from your chest in silence.

"I love you Pedro."

"I love you too," he grabbed your face, once again pressing a kiss to your lips, this one much deeper than the others, before pulling you into his arms. The two of you were finally together. Finally you had love. All the things you wanted were coming true.

Turns out you got your happily ever after tonight after all.

__________

To be continued...

That's all for now! I hope you liked this chapter. I've received a lot of kind messages and DMs saying how much you guys relate to the reader and I just want to say thank you. It really means a lot to me that people are finding something to relate to. I'm essentially just using this fic as my diary, because she is pretty much just me. So to see others feeling the same way, it makes my heart so full! I send hugs to all of you.

Next Chapter! Here!

Taglist: (Want in? Let me know!) If I forget to add anyone, I'm sorry!

@pedrotonin @starcrossed02 @lightupsketchersperson @cartoon-garbage04 @tyferbebe @maryfanson @gwendibley84 @faithfullyyours2000 @brilliantopposite187 @hc-geralt-23 @jenniferpendragon @winchestergypsy90 @red-red-rogue @theendwhereibegin @lottieellz101 @oliversaurus @kyga01 @milly-louise @titabel @taz-97 @stefanibear003 @marantha @fandomoniumflurry @ilovemybrown-eyedbabygirl

[moontyger]

Here’s what I’ve come to believe. Amongst my peers, when we classify food as “healthy” or not, it has more to do with class reproduction than nutrition.

Feeding our kids “healthy” foods is about signaling class and status.

Here are some examples:

We looked at a local preschool (that charged me $70 to put my kid on a waiting list for two years) that had a “no-sugar policy.” Now, what could a “no-sugar policy” possibly mean? There is sugar in almost every food I could send my son to school with. There’s sugar in bananas. There’s sugar in tomatoes. There’s sugar in BROCCOLI. What the school meant, I think, was no “added” sugar. But even that is hard to define. When I add tomatoes to a salad, I’m adding sugar, but I doubt tomato salads were banned. Ultimately, it was about keeping out foods from the school community that signaled non-adherence to cultural norms. Which in the case of this particular school, were largely White, highly educated, urban, left-leaning. (I also got serious sad beige toys vibes there.)

I was chatting with a parent at the playground the other day and talk turned to Halloween. She told me she had found “healthy” candy at Target to pass out to all the neighborhood kids. (It was this stuff.) After I finished preventing myself from spitting out my latte ($20 for a 16 oz bag of a candy-resembling-substance where the #1 ingredient is “organic rice syrup”), I paused, and tried to give this nice parent the benefit of the doubt. Why was she telling me this? Probably because, like me, she feels pulled in a million directions as a mom. She wants her kids to have fun on Halloween and she doesn’t want to be too uptight about letting them have treats, but also, she’s scared of *obesity* and *diabetes* and she’s terrified of any decision that might put her kids at risk for those things. I empathize, I truly do. But trust me, those expensive rice-syrup candies have the same nutritional content as the old-school stuff. What they can do is show friends and neighbors that you have the resources to spend $20 on a bag of candy and that you’re the kind of parent who’s worrying about these issues. Again, class reproduction.

A few months ago, my family and I stayed with some friends in another state for a few nights, which of course gave us a front-seat view of another family’s food and nutrition anxiety. (I promise: I feel it too, despite being a physician who cares for children and an activist for size-inclusive medicine. Diet culture leaves none of us alone.) I walk into the kitchen one morning while we’re there, and all the kids are eating popsicles at 8:30 am. “Don’t worry,” my friend says, breathlessly. “They’re healthy popsicles.” She shows me the package. “100% juice. All natural.” I don’t say anything, because I don’t want to be rude, and also, I feel a little bummed bursting her bubble. The kids enjoy their treats, and we move on with the day. But… c’mon. These “all natural” popsicles cost an obscene amount of money at Whole Foods, and again, are a sign that the family can afford them and are a signal that they’re concerned about health. But nutritionally, they’re the same thing as the cheaper brands.

[missbaphomet]

Replies won't let me type the full response so here

@thefalse first of all, there's more to meat/dairy consumption than "it tastes good". There are health issues that necessitate eating meat and animal products, and they provide vital vitamins, minerals, and proteins. Your body will specifically even give you cravings for food high in these nutrients when you're in need. Secondly humans are omnivores, our healthiest diets consist of meat AND plant. Livestock also consumes a huge percentage of food waste that humans, including vegans, can't or won't eat. This can be "ugly" food, food too close to expiration, food you can't keep overnight like baked goods. 30% of the diet of that pork chop that I had last Tuesday was food people threw away. Only 36% of food (by calorie) grown globally is eaten by livestock, 55% makes it onto the plate of a human. 9% goes to biofuels.

If you're as worried about resource scarcity as you claim maybe start trying for renewable resources??? The problem isn't "oh wow animals are so bad for the environment", the problem is "companies and corporations are doing bad things for more money and they're only getting worse." You can stop eating milk and honey all you want, but that's not doing literally anything towards what you claim to be advocating for. We can develop new ways to farm that are sustainable and renewable but we can't unfuck the environment with a simple "just don't buy meat lol". It's infinitely more complex than that.

Did you know it's illegal to harvest seeds you got from a tomato at your local Walmart and cultivate them for yourself? That is assuming the plant hasn't been rendered sterile to enforce reliance on whatever company sells the seeds. I personally think that's a bit more fucked up than having a grilled cheese every so often.

Also no one is arguing animal abuse is good, but it's pretty common knowledge that if you abuse your livestock, it reflects negatively in the product. Put simply: animals that are abused then slaughtered for meat make shitty meat. Is there some sketchy shit happening in factory farming? Abso-fucking-lutely. Many livestock animals live on the bare minimum. I absolutely think that livestock should have good lives. Obviously not every cow and pig and chicken can be raised with the same quality of life as a champion show poodle, but they absolutely deserve a nice pasture and good scratch and a warm, comfortable shelter.

You know who provides these things? Local farmers or even just hobbyists. I have several family friends that raise chickens, and we get more eggs than we could ever hope to reasonably eat as a family of four. If you don't eat the egg, toss it back to the chicken! She will happily eat her eggs because they're nutritional and make a damn fine meal. My family also has connections to a family owned cattle farm, and we split a cow up the middle every year, and did for almost 20 years before the owner got cancer and stopped selling beef to focus on his health, and it was damn good beef too. Pigs aren't prominent in my area, but I'm sure I could find one semi-locally. My DM keeps bees and my family went from basically never using honey to buying it by the pint. I think the only thing that my family buys from the store that we couldn't get anywhere else is milk and cheese because pasteurization and cheese making is a huge expensive process that isn't really reasonable to maintain for just a small family.

Ultimately the argument of "but animal abuse" boils down to factory farming, but the solution then becomes just don't buy meat and other products from factory farms.

[deke-rivers-1957]

Lonnie Beale's Rank

Disclaimer: For my tier list I’m basing this off of a one on one fight with no weapons or no outside interference. If a character has to rely on a weapon to win they’re ranked lower. If a character has to fight more than one person at a time, I’ll look at it on a case by case basis. Age, size and general background are factors that will be taken into consideration. Since a lot of those details are going to be up to interpretation as these are characters and not real people, feel free to share your own thoughts.

Let's start with the obvious assumptions by looking at Pam wanting her grandfather's gold. The Gold Standard in the US allowing the average person to get paper money in exchange for gold currency ended in the early 1930s. The technology that's used clearly indicates this takes place at least 20 years after 1933. Therefore, Pam wanting the gold would indicate that there's a different selling market for gold compared to her grandfather's era where a double eagle was only $20. Despite seeing posters for numerous rodeo events, the exact year is conveniently left out. If anything, we can make an argument that this movie takes place over the course of two years. The very first poster that we see is for a rodeo event in January. Unless we want to assume Lonnie only wants a job for about a month, this poster suggests that all rodeo events happen after the New Year. Because one of the Circle Z Jeeps that were proven to be from this movie hit the auction block, we know that they came out in 1965. Despite the posters having the first rodeo event being in January, it's very common for new cars to come out in the fall. A 1965 Jeep easily could've come out in the fall of 1964. The diet culture also reflects the time period Vera makes it a point to emphasize low caloric meals.

Lonnie's age is unknown despite getting a line that he was in the saddle before he could walk. However, Lonnie being a semi-famous bull rider at a professional level gives us some general assumptions. Like all sporting events and competitions there's an average age range that define's a peak competitor. With bull riding, you would be hard pressed to find a professional who started at 20 years old and can still consistently do it as a main source of income in their 30s. There are of course exceptions, but the general rule dictates that this sport is too physically demanding to do for a long period of time. In Lonnie's case he already had a season end because of an injury. This indicates that he's either nearing 30 or is already past 30. Even though Lonnie still kept in shape and had very high quality food by working at the Circle Z ranch, he still struggled to keep up mentally with his focus leaning towards Pam. Based on him suddenly ending his rodeo season because of a change in priority I would put Lonnie in his early 30s since a change like that indicates he was contemplating retiring altogether.

This is the perfect example of a fight that fits all of my criteria. A punch was intentionally thrown that was responded with an equally intentional blow. It's a one on one fight without any weapons and no one interfered until there was a clear end to the fight.

At this point in time we have no idea how this masked man was. Lonnie was able to hold his own as an equal. Until Pam interfered. She hit Lonnie so hard in the head he went limp and passed out. Because she interfered I have to throw this one out. Even if we use a hypothetical of what would've happened if she didn't hit Lonnie, we still have no way of knowing that Lonnie would've won.

This fight does count. No weapons were used. No one broke them up. A punch was thrown, and an attack was launched in response. Even though it wasn't a long fight, Lonnie still used skill to win. Brad isn't that much older than Lonnie to make a difference so I consider the two of them to be equal. Therefore, Lonnie winning gives him some points for his case.

There's a fantasy sequence of Lonnie winning a shoot out with Brad. It's still worth noting given the rivalry between the two, but it doesn't count since one it's a fantasy sequence and two this involved guns.

Another instance of a fight that doesn't count because Pam interfered. Lonnie basically had to fight off two guys at once without any weapons. Even though Stanley tried to help, he didn't make enough of an impact to Lonnie's fights. Pam interfering actively made Lonnie lose again because she kicked him in the leg by accident.

Lonnie had a gun pointed at him and managed to win without outside interference or get shot. That definitely gets extra points since we can assume the mask the guy has on isn't blocking/altering his vision. Lonnie didn't rely on a weapon of his own

We know absolutely nothing about Adolph outside of his name and that he's a cook. Therefore, I can't give Lonnie any extra points for beating someone that's on paper a better fighter.

The final fight and it's a shame Pam interfered because Lonnie had to fight a deputy sheriff. Sure he's a lot older than Lonnie, but he had a gun pointed at Lonnie and a lot of experience with fighting just being a law officer. Lonnie beating him on his own would've been a nice boost. Pam interfering means that unfortunately this fight doesn't count.

Lonnie is quite fit for a man his age. He hasn't hit his decline yet outside of the bull riding field. He would have to have a generally athletic build so he can have a better sense of balance. Balance is a key factor in fighting so he can still keep up with younger opponents. Another thing to consider is how his status changes throughout the movie. He starts off as just recently unemployed due to the seasonal nature of his work, then becomes a ranch worker with high end food only to quit and spend many months on the road without making any money. Sleeping in the elements and barely having money for food makes his win against Adolph and the deputy sheriff more impressive.

Despite being on the wrong side of 30, I still think Lonnie is in better fighting condition than the average person and put him in B tier. Pam interfering in his first two fights, in my opinion, actively caused him to lose. However, when you consider the general plot you know that Lonnie had to lose so the criminals' identities aren't revealed right away. Based on how he was fighting before Pam interfered, I personally think he would've won both of those fights. If he was able to win all of his fights without Pam interfering, I can see the argument of putting him in A tier.

Tagging: @mercsandmonsters, @vintagepresley, @valloos, @almightybigbrain, @hooked-on-elvis,

@an-americcan-trilogy, @thelonelyheart, @eapep, @smokeymountainboy and @arrolyn1114.

[trixree]

Hey i just visited your blog after binge reading several of your star wars fics and saw you've got POTS + assorted chronic medical fuckery. My spouse has the unholy trinity of POTS/EDS/MCAS (featuring guest artist Migraines) and boy do i feel for you if your combo is even a little bit similar. Crossing my fingers for you that the neurologist is a good fit! They tend to have their shit together when it comes to dysautonomia (and hopefully know a lot of the good med combos). I'll also put in a recommendation for electrolyte drinks -- i think it's not uncommon for ppl with POTS to have electrolyte/salt deficiencies, and i know it's been helpful for my spouse to chug 20-30 oz of propel or re-lyte water every day. Compression garments (esp. tights) have also been helpful for POTS, but not always great for digestion if they go over the stomach. Medical grade compression starts at 20-30 mmHg.

For appetite stuff, since I'm not sure what the underlying cause is for you idk if this will be helpful/applicable, but when it's hard to convince your body to eat I'm generally in favor of just going for anything that sounds appetizing to you even if it means eating ice cream 3x a day :P if it's a nausea thing, though, spouse may have some better recommendations, and I'd be happy to ask or send you their way. Best wishes and take care!

Per my last post, I'm catching up on old Asks, AO3 comments, and messages received during my hiatus! (Psst, go do my Fanfic Poll) This is so so so sweet of you, thank you SO MUCH! I rambled on quite a lot below the cut about my health journey the past year re: POTS and GI stuff, in case folks are interested in how I've managed. Disclaimer that I am NOT a medical professional and this is absolutely not medical advice, these are just my experiences and things that have worked well for me.

First off, what a DELICIOUSLY FAMILIAR COMBO of things! I was told at my last immunology appointment that I "almost certainly" (his words, not mine) have EDS (my mom has it, too, and my hips are constantly popping out of place) but 1.) I can't afford to go get diagnosed (see: unemployment, medical trauma) and 2.) one of my friends has been stalled for MONTHS trying to get a clinical geneticist to confirm her EDS diagnosis because, apparently, there is a great deal of resistance to testing folks for EDS right now given the increased visbility of EDS patients on TikTok. My partner is in med school and we've had really long conversations about the so-called "TikTok Triad" (POTS, EDS, and gastroparesis - which are all conditions that are acutally linked together with the clinical data we have) and how it's impacting both how physicians practice and the care that patients receive. This reddit thread is a good example of how this plays out, if you feel like braving reddit on this fine afternoon.

My neurologist is amazing and has done a lot to help me with my migraines... unfortunately the GI stuff is still kicking my ass. All of your recommendations are things that I've started doing over the last year to manage symptoms: my compression socks are my BESTEST FRIENDS and Drip Drop is my favorite electrolyte powder - they've got the best flavors imo and isn't as PAINFULLY SWEET as Liquid IV. I've also adopted a really high-salt diet. As far as appetite goes, my management strategy has been to smoke a lot of weed (I live somewhere where recreational use is thankfully legal, so it isn't difficult or unsafe to get ahold of it) but that's unfortunately expensive and can actually make persistent nausea and appetite loss WORSE over time (see canabis hyperemesis) so I've recently gone cold-turkey off of pot to see if I can manage the daily nausea and appetite loss with pharmaceuticals alone (namely phenergan). I'm seeing my GI in the next week and I'm going to lobby my ass off for a prescription appetite stimulant. I've lost a lot of weight in the last year (and I was already pretty small to begin with, so the weight loss has made my chronic pain a lot worse unfortunately) and I am a firm believer in following one's cravings in order to eat. I order a lot of take out and cycle through the same "safe" foods (usually some kind of cereal with soy milk, an Ensure protein shake if solids are an absolute no-go, and simple rice, potateos, and chicken works). The other night, my partner tried to entice me to eat an oreo ice cream sandwich during a bout of brutal nausea and I cried because I fucking love oreo ice cream but my body HATES having things inside of it <3 I've also found that excercise can SOMETIMES (not all of the time) help my appetite. I have a stationary bike and a basic set of weights at home. Stationary bike in particular is something I'd HUGELY recommend for anybody with POTS that deals with excercise intollerance. Sitting down to get my cardio is WAY BETTER than anything else I've tried in terms of how badly my symptoms get triggered. I'm also currently medicated for my POTS (I take ivabradine and it's made a big difference for my quality of life on the whole, especially with regards to the fatigue that having a constantly elevated heartrate will generate.)

I do appear to have some sort of motility problem (most likely IBS-C) and I'm taking medication for it that has HELPED, but not nearly enough. I poop more than once every twelve days now, which is awesome, but I'm still constantly nauseous more often than not (Zofran, Dramamine, and Phenergen are my bestest friends) and my appetite is nowhere to be found. Hopefully I can get my hands on some appetite stimulant. As for the nausea, I've been informed by my electro cardiologist that many, many POTS patients report diminished appetites and chronic, debilitating nausea, but that "the mechanism relating the two is unexplored and largely unknown." So basically he said, "that sounds ROUGH buddy. Good luck though!"

(Hence me sharing my strategies cause I know, colloquially, that lots of us are dealing with this.)

[carmenblake]

statistics / pinterest / biography / connections

ABOUT

Full Name: Carmen Elizabeth Isabela Blake

Birth Name: Carmen Elena Palomo

Nickname: Minnie (by her dad and god daughter)

Age/DOB: October 30, 1989 (34)

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Gender: Cis Female

Place of Birth: Chicago, IL 

Neighborhood: Downtown

Sexual/Romantic Orientations: Bisexual / Biromantic

Religion: Atheist

Occupation: Unemployed

Length of Time in Providence Peak: Six Months

PERSONALITY

Goals/Desires: currently, carmen doesn’t have any goals or desires. she’s living life one day at a time and is struggling to get through that. however, if pressed, she’d be forced to admit that she wants the life she was given by her father for her goddaughter, and knows that in her current state she isn’t able to give her that. she wants to make her father proud, make the sacrifices he made for her throughout her childhood worth it.

Fears: failing her goddaughter, turtles (don’t ask)

Hobbies: drinking is her #1 right now, running (in general and from her problems), reading parenting for dummies books (more like skimming while making a drinking game out of it), mindlessly rewatching her comfort shows, any form of escapism she can find

Likes & Dislikes: bananas, hot summer days, her far too large emotional support stanley cup, the stuffed elephant she’s had since she was two, the smell of fresh laundry, wearing sweatpants right out of the dryer, the feel of freshly shaved legs in silk pj bottoms, red kool aid, musicals, kitchen dancing, gold jewelry, cigarettes, black leggings // the smell of gunpowder, diet soda, country music, driving long distances, overly friendly people, clothes with feathers on them, fireworks, nightmares, silence, room temperature water, getting attached, goodbyes, wet socks, broccoli, crossword puzzles, insincere compliments, pink, the phrase “everything happens for a reason”

QUICK FACTS (quick is subjective tho bc idk how to tldr anything)

Trigger Warnings: lots of death, drugs, sex work, crime, murder, terminal illness, shooting, etc.

Carmen was born in Chicago, IL, to Isabela Maria, a woman who struggled with addiction and worked for a crime syndicate called The Commission.

Isabela, Carmen's mother, became a confidential informant for Chicago PD with the help of Stuart Blake, a Vice Detective, who also assisted her in getting clean multiple times.

Carmen's childhood was marked by her mother's battles with addiction, but with Stuart's support, Isabela got clean when Carmen was 6, providing her with a brief period of stability.

Tragically, Carmen's mother relapsed and died of an overdose when Carmen was around 7, leading Carmen to be taken into custody by the police, where Stuart intervened and took her in.

Stuart, now Carmen's legal guardian, moved them away from Chicago to Phoenix, Arizona, where Carmen got a fresh start and adopted a new last name.

Carmen's passion for ballet began at the age of 8, but her dreams were put on hold when Stuart was shot in the line of duty when she was 17, leaving him paralyzed from the waist down.

Carmen took up various part-time jobs to support herself and Stuart, putting her ballet aspirations on hold.

At 20, Carmen joined the Police Academy to make her father proud, excelling in her law enforcement career and eventually joining the FBI.

After her fiancé left her and Stuart was diagnosed with a terminal illness, Carmen faced personal and professional challenges but continued to juggle her responsibilities until Stu passed away a year later.

Carmen's life took a dramatic turn when she joined the FBI undercover to dismantle The Commission, a crime syndicate linked to her mother's death, leading to complex relationships, loss, and her eventual decision to leave the FBI and care for her goddaughter, Ellie, in Providence Peak.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS

Family of Dani (her dead partner and Ellie's mom), who have been helping her care for the seven year old. Dani was born in Providence Peak and moved to Phoenix, where she and Carmen met, when she was 10. I imagine Dani was about 37 when she passed.

People who have been involved with/know of The Commission - They're a large crime syndicate who I imagine operate outside of just Chicago. Maybe she's met some people while undercover?

Other drinking establishment regulars. When Carmen doesn't have Ellie she's usually sitting at the corner of a bar somewhere drinking away her guilt and her grief. She's not very friendly 99% of the time but all of her energy is going into waking up and keeping Ellie alive and shielded from herself.

Neighbors. She lives in a two bedroom apartment downtown with Ellie. I imagine she's probably a super quiet neighbor but maybe she lives in a building with shared laundry and she's had some negative run ins in the laundry room? Or parking space arguments? Or even just a concerned neighbor who checks up on them when they haven't seen the girls for a bit.

When Carmen doesn't have Ellie she's found herself engaging in rather... reckless behavior. Whether that's sleeping with a stranger in a bar bathroom, running red lights as she drives home, or going for runs in all black in places she probably should be more aware of her surroundings. Anything to help her forget how she's feeling for even a second. So people who encourage/participate in this behavior, hookups, anything. Or even on the other end, people who are worried and try to stop this behavior.

Honestly, as much as Carmen is in bitch mode she's really just fighting for her life tbh. Trying not to be swallowed up by her grief and guilt and anger while doing her absolute best for Ellie (even though she knows her best isn't anywhere near good enough right now). She's lost everyone she's ever loved and while she wants to make them proud she doesn't know how to be alone in the world or how to pull herself out of the hole she's dug. So she needs friends, even if she acts like she doesn't need anyone.

[rosethreeart]

as an advocate for putting some meat on the nations bones, what are your hcs for their eating habit, your favourite mfs

Tw for disordered eating and eating disorders!

I think that most nations have developed very…odd eating habits. There’s been a lot of points in history where food has either been scarce and/or low quality which I can see having a heavy effect on nations.

Maybe some of them do things like have stockpiles of canned goods, run they’re on greenhouses, farms, coops, and herds, or buy premade meals.

I think when food became more widely available it was a decently common thing to see nations binging on food or not eating anything till last minute possible. A lot of nations were able to fix this issue but I think a few still suffer from it.

I think America is a really interesting case when it comes to eating habits. Like blah blah Americans are fat and lazy blah blah blah tired boring old take that’s classist and racist and the worst and ignorant at best.

America understands food shortages and they happened quite often during the winter when she was younger. The colonies were a pretty harsh area to live in at first! During the revolution war at Valley Forge it was so bad men were eating their shoes! I can imagine thst leaves quite an impression on someone. Especially a child who had to practically raise herself! There probably many nights where she went to bed starving or even died from it.

Then we get to the roaring 20s. Business is booming and America is at the top! She finally is able to afford a comfortable amount of high quality food during the full year without having to worry and it’s great! Then the 30s hit. And just like that it’s all taken away from her.

Now go to modern times where cheap food is filling and widely available. Yeah you can barely afford eggs now a days let alone any “healthy” and “high quality” food, and if you live una food desert? Good fucking luck. I don’t think that has much to do with her eating habits but it’s a big reason as to why those stereotypes exist I think.

Either way America has (and this is canon!) developed a bit of a hoarding and mass production/stockpiling issue due to fear of not having enough! I think the same thing would apply to food. If you have food, eat it now and eat it fast because you don’t know when it’ll go away.

She also has a tendency to neglect her own needs including her hunger because of how much of a workaholic she is. So she’s constantly jumping between eating too much in one sitting and never eating at all. She also tends to stress eat.

Because her body never really got used to having enough food it adapted like how most starving people adapt, the body begins to store and keep fat.

Pair that with nations and people viewing her as the negative “fat American” stereotype, her going from a pretty thin girl during the WWs to decently chubby as a world power, and her body refusing to drop weight can give a girl some self esteem issues. We all know America has an unhealthy habit of fixating on the newest diet trend and I can imagine that being a lot more intense if America was a woman.

So yeah she’s got some really bad disordered eating and really only eats “properly” around others

[sasshomaru]

it’s been a while since i’ve posted here but it’s bc i’ve been really stressed out and busy with doctor’s appointments. im completely fine, these appointments are so that i could get approved for breast reduction surgery. im so excited to have my surgery on the 21st 💜

more on my pure happiness and euphoria on getting my tig ol bitties chopped off~

i hit puberty when i was 9 and had to start wearing a bra. i got my first period a few weeks after my 10th birthday. i was unfortunately born with low density breasts, which means that instead of being fibrous or muscley, they’re just basically pure sacks of fat.(for more context, people lose breast density as they age, which is why old women have very saggy, flabby, and fatty breasts — compared with young women who have higher breast density and therefore perkier breasts. when i say that i “had to” wear a bra when i was 9, i mean that they would literally flop and bounce around like an anime girl’s boobs if i didn’t wear one.) this also means that no matter how much weight i lose, i will (genetically) ALWAYS have huge boobs, because i was basically genetically dispositioned to have saggy, fatty, and heavy breasts.

having huge boobs that hung past the bottom of my ribcage meant that i couldn’t do sports or even do cardio exercise even if i wanted to. hell, i couldn’t even jump once without feeling discomfort, not just physically, but wondering if someone was watching me and ogling or laughing at me. it meant that i would always wear baggy clothes because anytime i wore tight clothes — even if my shirt or dress wasn’t lowcut at all — because people, especially men, would stare at me. i’ve had to wear exclusively binders and sports bras even while just going out to lunch with my friends because my breasts are so fucking disproportionate that not only can i not fit into most clothes without some kind of binder, but also because of the unwanted attention mentioned above.

(TW for this paragraph: eating disorders, fat shaming, weight loss.) ~~~ this part could be a whole new post but… additionally, i was often pressured and even forced to diet starting when i was 9, right when i hit puberty. i was told constantly that i was fat and that i needed to lose weight “in order to be healthy.” the worst part is that i believed this: that i was fat, and therefore undesirable and ugly and not worthy of any attention or love. this led to very low self worth and eventually an eating disorder when i was 16. i’ve since started weight training and now i realize… i could lose maybe 20-30 pounds, but im not fat. what makes me look fatter than i really am is my chest. having breasts that hang down to my ribcage without a bra — or having them push out about the same distance with a bra on — means that i always look basically 20 lbs heavier than i really am. i’ve spoken with a personal trainer abt it who had breast implants years ago, and she said that she regrets having breast implants bc they make her look fatter than she really is. to think that i had so much emotional pain — starving myself, crying over how i couldn’t eat ice cream on my birthday, obsessing over calories and weight loss — was mostly because of my breasts is, paradoxically, infuriating and relieving at the same time. it’s infuriating to think that my parents and family shamed me over something i couldn’t control, but it’s a relief that now i DO have control, and i can remove this part of my body not for the sake of weight loss, but for my physical and mental health.

with my surgery less than 2 weeks away, i could cry with relief now. i know the surgery will be intense and that the recovery will be tough, but i will finally be able to be FREE. i will finally be able to jump, run, and start exercising (because i really cannot do any form of cardio rn unless it’s swimming, which would require access to a pool which i don’t have lol plus the horrors of putting on a swimsuit). i will be able to wear clothes that are the actual size of my body, not just the size of my chest.

im really nervous for surgery as i’ve never had surgery before and i don’t know fully what to expect, but im so excited to finally be able to LIVE. 💜💜💜

[orphancookie69]

Migraine Remedies 101

I recently posted about Red Light Therapy, but that is not the first light for me to try this out with-I also have been using a Green Light one for Migraines. I realized I did not have a post about Migraines, and I needed to right that wrong right away.

My Background:

I like to start with my background on these kinds of posts. I am 32 years young when I write this post. My grandmother, on my mothers side, has bad migraines. Her mom? In the early 1900's she had them worse, and medicine was far less advanced than it was now. Great Grandma had them, Grandma has them, mom has them-the writing for that trait was on the wall for me. The thing is, they should of started in my 20's or 30's. When did they start? When I was 2 or 3, how? I was sick from something, not sure as early parts of my story are lost to me, and my mom decided to give me a spinal tap to determine the cause. I was told, that she was told not to put a pillow under my head the night of the procedure, and she thought I looked uncomfortable so she went against that. I have dealt with migraines on a daily ish basis since I was 3 years old.

Growing up, my father has a steady job with the union so anytime we needed to go the doctor, we could. At one point, I saw a neurologist and he told me to try watching my sleep, caffeine, and diet/food allergies. Beyond that, which I still use to this day-my great grandma's remedies have been way more helpful. There are some doctors that I talk to about what I do and use, and they tell me they are JUST NOW teaching it in medical school. So I know what I am talking about.

Where Matters:

I wish I could of found a better visual for this, but location of the pain will tell you a lot in how you handle it. Keeping your triggers in mind, attack your pain with an informed strategy.

Remedies:

Sleep: Keep a consistent sleep schedule, and wind down before bed with no electronics

Caffeine: Try watch how much you have. You can try a caffeine pill, but there are some foods that have it too.

Diet: I watch what I eat in general but I also avoid MSG, Yellow #40, Red#40, and Blue#40.

Vitamins: D3 and Coq10 are prenatal vitamins that are also great migraine prevention. I had way less migraines when pregnant, however brief.

Ice: Ice pack on the location of the pain spot. I would always suggest wrapping the ice pack in a rag.

Migraine Glasses: This is kind of new, the eyes of someone who has migraines tends to work harder to be "normal" and focus so there are lenses that have the eye work less. Otherwise in general, glasses that help with the blue light glare of electronics helps eyes. One of the worst symptoms of migraines is light sensitivity.

Massage: Gently with fingers or a small machine, bringing blood flow to the area helps the body to heal itself.

Darkness/Nap: Your body can heal itself if you let it shut down other functions and focus on the task at hand.

Relax: Hard to imagine you can do when it seems like your head is pounding, but the sooner you can do it, the better you will be.

Green Light Therapy: You can find this on Amazon. I find this to be very helpful. It is better if you use it more often, not just when its really bad.

Medicine: General migraine medicine usually can do the trip, but if it is hormonal then you need a premysn (or something like that). Sinus issues? Take a sinus med, its a sinus headache. Medicine is a last resort, one I will use to stay productive or avoid the ER.

I might try Foot Reflexology one time as a possible remedy. Cupping or acupuncture could be good too, but I am not the person to do that. I have heard of Botox helping? But have never done that. I hope this helps! What would you add to this list?

[perpetuallyangerygoatmom]

Tw // suicide, eating disorders, abortion

General vent

40 weeks pregnant today. Incredibly terrified, never thought I’d be having a child in my LIFE let alone at 19 years old (20 if she’s born on or after this Sunday); but despite my overwhelming fear, I’m also incredibly excited.

I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation from a very young age, had many attempts. The night before my 16th birthday I had an attempt which damn near succeeded, I gave myself a black eye - and fractured my orbital socket - in the process and spent my birthday in the ER and the next several weeks in a mental hospital. Recontextualizing it later I believe nothing in my life has or ever will be the same since then. (And that the Holy Spirit himself interviewed that day. Although that realization did not come to me until several years later)

It wasn’t until the year after that when I hit my lowest point however. I became even more deeply entrenched in my ed; my bulimia morphed into anorexia and as it got worse I isolated myself from every last one of my friends. My mother moved across the county for the sake of her own mental health, and I just sort of spiraled into myself. Eventually I broke down to my stepdad that I felt completely hopeless and like I had no control over my life, that my ed was controlling me and I wanted to die. He helped me to get on a meal plan, fill my day with tasks to keep my mind occupied, take my medication regularly, and motivated me to get my high school diploma. Without him I would have been truly lost. During this time I also began going to church, got saved, and generally THOUGHT I was doing a lot better.

However it was mostly an illusion of control, my ed had morphed into orthorexia; I would have breakdowns if I didn’t know every ingredient in my food, the exact number of calories, or if I didn’t do a very specific routine before and after I ate. Every day had a specific (self created) schedule which I felt as if deviating from could kill me or set back months worth of progress. I had to wake up at 5:30, make my bed, pray, do a half an hour of yoga and an hour of workouts, shower, brush my teeth and hair, write in my journal, work on school work until noon, workout again, make lunch, eat SLOWLY (it had to take me 45 minutes AT LEAST to eat), do the dishes, go back to school work until 5, workout for about 2 hours, eat dinner, watch exactly one movie, pray, and then sleep. If any of those steps were missed or delayed I would go ballistic. And despite having a better diet I was still over exercising and losing weight. I got down to 80 pounds and at one point had to be admitted to the hospital because my heart rate was so low they were afraid it would stop if I fell asleep. I was also - during this time - incredibly paranoid that I was being watched at all times. I was afraid to leave the house and felt as if I would be followed and reprimanded if I did. It’s honestly hard to explain exactly the mental process but I just thought everyone and everything was out to get me; my anxiety was at an all time high.

Eventually my mother came back for my high school graduation and the idea came about of me going back to PA with her for the summer before I was to start college. I decided to go, and the freedom I experienced, the break from my routine, was very hard to deal with. I began to feel again as if I had no purpose, nothing to fill my days with, and I also started to binge and purge again. Although the weight gain was necessary, I felt as if I was betraying myself and all the “hard work” I had put in to lose. My body dysmorphia became unbearable and I generally felt horrible. It was at this point that I got my first job; it helped a lot to give me a sense of purpose. After a lot of fucked up shit there I got another job. Starting something new always helps me to regulate myself and my eating patterns for a while, but once I got comfortable again at this new job I fell back into binging and purging. I was biking 2 hours mostly uphill to and from work everyday, so I did begin to lose weight again, but just in general I wasn’t doing great. I moved in with a man twice my age and ended up giving him LOTS of money for various things. I felt sympathetic towards him but was greatly taken advantage of, I now realize.

Then I met my current partner. Things moved incredibly fast. Within the first month I moved in with him and his parents, which got me out of my situation with my abusive roommate. And for the first time since I was probably around age 10, I began eating regularly. “Regularly” might not be the right word, but for the first time I began to break the YEARS of food rules I had built for myself. (Drinking regular soda, eating desserts, eating at restraints without purging, eating full meals in general without purging, eating during the day, not counting calories, eating multiple meals a day, eating on consecutive days) and while I did have immense guilt over it, I do consider it the true beginning to my recovery. I healed my body enough that my periods became regular for the first time since I began to menstruate. And within our 3rd month of dating, I became pregnant.

There was much talk of abortion; at one point I actually had one scheduled, but for one reason or another I decided to keep the baby, and here I am today, days? away from giving birth, terrified but excited. I feel a new sense of purpose in my life and a motivation to heal my disordered habits. While I do still struggle with disordered thoughts - especially in the advent of pregnancy and the weight gain it causes - I have faith and hope that I will be able to overcome them. My biggest fear is passing this onto my child. My grandmother and mother have also struggled with disordered eating and if I can give my child ONE THING, it will be a healthy relationship with food, but I know I cannot do that unless I am healed myself.

I’m also incredibly worried at the moment that my child will be born unhealthy, a fear which started a few days ago and has become more and more persistent. Prayer and talks with my mother and fiancé have helped to ease it slightly.

Anyways that is my completely unnecessary trauma dump 🤙

[chronicleofmyundoing]

Ok, I'm only writing this here because I need to put it somewhere. And it is unlikely anyone involved in this whole mess will ever see this. About 6 months ago, I got a call from my best friend asking if she bought a house, could my husband and I help her make the mortgage payments. I had my reservations but agreed. So she douse and she gets the 100 year old house of her dreams. But it is way over her price point, and the 30-year mortgage became a 20-year because her mom helped her buy the place. We get moved in, and hay the water heater is leaking gass, but no worries, it's perfectly safe, just don't light a match. Also, hay, this is a flipper house, and nothing is working. So my husband and I are living in a house where we can't set anything up until the foundation is fixed and whe're living on frozen meals desperately trying to find jobs because the one I had down here fell through at the 11th hour. My friend then proceeded to try and "fix" my husband because how dare he be a bit of a gamer boy, and he needs therapy but apparently the reason it hasn't worked up untill now is because he's not trying hard enough. So the foundation gets fixed, the water heater gets replaced, we get a refrigerator, fix the stove, so hay at least we can eat real food again. But my husband, who has IBS, did not do so well on the poor diet, and it made him sick, really sick. And now I may have an ulcer. And I just hope my friend and I can stay friends when I pack up and leave, I mean, we originally talked about rent only being around 800, but the max I could swing would be 1200. Also, it was said that if she went with a more expensive house, we would only be responsible for 1/2 the rent, not 2/3. But then she went with a more expensive house and the more expensive mortgage, and is still charging us 1450 a month. Whitch I know is not that bad, but we can't afford it.

And the worst thing about this situation is, I don't think she even knows what she's done, or how badly we've been hurt.

[the-firebird69]

There are a lot of people who went out there for the venom for this area 150 is a lot and about 100 died because they tried to direct and 50 died later as a brought it home didn't purify it or homogenize or even put something in it like iodine and they died and later on today 10 more people went over there and they tried it directly and they're dead they died 20 minutes later it is a killer it's real Poison and these are higher-ups their generals some kernels lieutenants and they're doing it for strength to overcome their enemies and they're already idiots I guess and it's happening again about 80 people are heading over there and they're going to take samples of here at 70 have, about all of them drank it and they're going to be dead minutes and they usually go off to different places and die fully and there's more people doing it it's actually this well now and nobody has verified it yet and it's really stupid because of that but other locations where they found the phantom and you pointed out have millions of people around it that are dead and we clear them out every few minutes and millions come in and they won't stop doing it I'm saying if he can do it under this dress and we can and they're dying and tons of them it's going to be billions soon and more and yeah stupid people are doing it. Too many people want to get in here for that tiny little while and there's huge ones out here big black pools of it and one of them is lake Okeechobee it's the North and it looks like a turtle or a Godzilla head and right at the mouth there's a huge black pool it's much cleaner than it is here and the lake had been cleaned out in that area recently and the flow is clear it probably won't kill everybody who tries it. Several other locations stereo there is a jetty and it's the first one and it's long like 3 mi to 4 MI and it's continuous right at the southern tip and there's a venom well and it's in the ocean and at the bottom and you can see it and it comes out clean that area is is clear of mock for the most part there is venom coming out of what looks like a Godzilla head but it's kind of monkey right there at a stereo. More so if you go up North into the east at Jacksonville at the head of the river where it actually starts and there's no muck there at all it's a huge huge venom well that's from something upstream and it is almost pure venom it's very lethal those are a bunch of Florida but they're huge the first one is about 10 miles across at lake Okeechobee the second one is about 30 miles long coming out of that hole and then up at Jacksonville that's about 50 ft wide but it's a ton of it and it's very pure and it's absolutely lethal if you drink too much of it tons of people are going to go saying that if he can do it we can do it and they haven't even seen the tape if you get the tape from the river you're going to see that the river is black and they were drinking it and you're going to see how strong you got all sorts of you idiots will try and drink it and if you find someone who can get away with it it's his diet or her diet and things that they're using to juice and you're going to have some information

Thor Freya

We also watch that and people who are survive it and we follow them around

Frank Castle Hardcastle

And we erase the information and the witnesses

Blockbuster Duke Nukem

Olympus

[sleepless-strawberry]

[WP] You leave home to get a few essentials from the gas station. By your watch, it's been about ten minutes. But when you get home...you find your wife and infant daughter have aged 30 years. You've been missing all that time.

Sunday, 26th of March 2023. All in all, a day like any other. As it was a weekend I spent the day relaxing and kicking back. Of course I had to watch over little Cathy. But my wife, Helen deserved rest as much as I did so I couldn't possibly refuse her.

The problem started when we run out of something. Some fruits for Helen's diet, Potatoes for the soup. And finally milk for porridge. By then it was late, the sun had long set and the only thing that could be open was a nearby gas-station. It was on a nearby street so I hopped into my 2014 Nissan Altima and sped off. To my misfortune the gas station was closed as according to the note left out front they couldn't find anyone to take the shift.

I was a bit annoyed but quickly enough I got out my phone and a quick search on google maps let me know of a nearby gas station. Not far. Much closer than any of the other gas stations and I didn't want to leave Helen waiting for long.

Though I didn't know the gas station I quickly rode off. It was open. Quite literally, the door was wide open being held by a small stone at it's foot. "Thank god" I thought. I started grabbing what I needed, that's when I heard him. "Heya, you lost, boy?"

I turned around to see a teen, a young adult at most behind me. He sat on a folding chair to the side of the counter. Wearing a baseball cap despite the lack of sun. A plain t-shirt and some shorts despite the small chill wind on account of the open door. He was chewing on a straw. Weird there aren't any fields around.

"No, I'm not lost, I know this area well enough. Also I'm not a boy." I replied. Perhaps harsher than necessary but it didn't matter as he only replied with "no you're lost."

I didn't want to talk anymore so I quickly picked out my shopping in silence and went to pay but then the teen called out for me again "I won't bother scanning all these. The machine's broken. I'm the only employee just hand me say... 10 bucks and be on your way." My bill was 12.37 dollars so I didn't reject his offer. Handed him a single note and as I was leaving he said to me "I pity you, boy."

Not wanting to start an argument I only glared and then took my leave. I arrived home. Pulling the bag of groceries out of the car I walked over to the front door. I checked my SANDA sport wrist-watch as my hand instinctively put the key into the key hole and unlocked the door.

"Mike?" I responded to Helen's voice as she looked up. "Yes, Helen?" That's when I froze. Just liked Helen had. She looked different. Older. So much older. Cathy was also still. And also older. She looked like she was in her 20s or 30s. "Dad?" The word was like a gunshot, as quiet as it was it set things in motion. Our voice blurred together into a mix of mindless screaming. Panic. "Why? What's going? Why are you still so young? Why are you so old? Why did you leave?"

I never thought of myself as a coward. But I couldn't face the music. Couldn't stand their pained expressions. I ran. Climbed into my 2014 Nissan Altima and sped off. Again. This time however. Much, much,, much faster.

I'm not sure how but I ended up at the gas station. The boy was no longer there. Just a note "Employee's wanted!"

He was a jerk. I know he's been through a lot as well but he was a jerk nonetheless. That's why I tried being better than him.

So now you know. Why that happened to you. I really am sorry for not telling you when you first came here. I didn't want to scare you. Or maybe I though that it was inevitable. But truthfully I just hoped that unlike me you'd make it work. That you wouldn't come back. Oh well. That's too bad now is it.

Take care, oh and do take care of this gas station, eh? It may be cursed but what's the point of living in filth. Goodbye, stranger.

[looye29]

Product Name: PluginOps Page – 21752 [ad_1] Click here to get PluginOps Page – 21752 at discounted price while it's still available... All orders are protected by SSL encryption – the highest industry standard for online security from trusted vendors. PluginOps Page – 21752 is backed with a 60 Day No Questions Asked Money Back Guarantee. If within the first 60 days of receipt you are not satisfied with Wake Up Lean™, you can request a refund by sending an email to the address given inside the product and we will immediately refund your entire purchase price, with no questions asked. Description: Caitlin is a certified holistic nutrition consultant, health blogger and author of several low carb and paleo cookbooks. She has been interested in wellness for many years, inspired by her own struggles with weight and thyroid autoimmune disease. After trying the carnivore way of eating she was inspired with the results.She lost 10 pounds in the first month after going carnivore. She went from a size 14 to a size 10. She never thought she would be a size 10 again! Her skin is brighter, more youthful and fresh. Caitlin's main motivator was to improve her Hashimotos and bloating/constipation and both have markedly improved. She decided to write this book to share this out of the box method of healing with others. Ellen Weeks is a former high school Spanish teacher and now a work-from-home mom with two beautiful little boys as well as being an avid wellness advocate. She has been interested in health and optimal wellness since her early 20’s when she was her heaviest weight. She was having limited results on keto and her digestive challenges were lingering, this led her to keep searching for answers. Soon she found some answers and success with her health when she found the carnivore way of eating and things started improving in a big way. Before: I was battling PCOS, missed cycles, adrenal fatigue (low cortisol, low testosterone &low dhea on my labs), and I had about 20 extra pounds that I had gained due to stress. I had done several vegan cleanses, ate a carb heavy diet, and was in the gym 5 days a week and doing 6+ hours per week of yoga, and I was still gaining weight and feeling miserable.After: Just within 3 months of joining carnivore diet challenge my labs showed normal levels for all my hormones, my PCOS in remission and I have lost weight! I am also off all medications for depression & I feel wonderful. Now: Carnivore is so simple & I feel so good, I really don’t see a reason to stop anytime soon!” Before: I used to do figure competitions and put my body through a lot of extreme dieting. I never realized the long term impact. After my second baby, I had so much trouble withmy digestion. It seemed like I was reacting to everything I ate. High histamine foods also made me feel bloated and tired.After: Doing a carnivore way of eating for 30 days made a huge difference with my energy and I can keep up with my kids. I noticed my skin is more vibrant and my bloating went away. Now: I think everyone should try this way of eating for at least 30 days to feel the awesome results I have. I know I am healing from the inside out and plan to stick with it for the long term. Before: I struggled with allergies and eczema for years and by my early 30’s developed allergy induced asthma. I’ve been on steroids in some form continuously for decades. I lost weight on keto and felt better but not perfect.After: With going carnivore, I noticed the smooth, easy energy, I feel good all the time, strong and more muscular. The little nagging pain in my knees went away and best of all, my allergies go away! My skin is better and the eczema more contained.Now: At 48 years old, I feel better than I have since I was a teen. I came to carnivore for the weight loss but stayed for the healing. Before: At my heaviest I was a whopping 291 pounds. I was newly married and newly diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis.

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