#also gonna bring back this next tag even though it has a typo but

[mockiery]

<3 I was wondering.... are you gonna do another fic? I loved grounding.

Do you think Jake is a horrible flirt? I bet he flirts with Layla and thinks Marc getting protective of her is funny. Plus she blushes horribly. She isnt used to the suave cool flirtations.

thank you!! and i am! the fic i'm working on now is marc and steven focused and i feel like i need to finish it before i move on to more jake and layla stuff. its all the same post-canon continuity as "grounding" and "carving" and actually take place between them, so i feel like i need that baseline before i continue past "carving" in the whole course of events i have going.

In short, yeah, Jake can be a bit of a flirt. He goes out and socializes in ways Marc and Steven would not. In my Aroace Jake (which has a lil treat at the end you might like <3) and Jake and Music hc’s/metas/rants, I mention as much. He’s got a communal connection in ways Marc and Steven don’t. On top of his cab-driving work in meeting people constantly, he'd go to a bar, a dance club, a diner (eyes emoji), etc. and be a face among the masses, big passing ships in the night energy. Jake doesn't let himself have "real", long-lasting relationships with those around him (with exception to Gena and her kids at this point, though who can blame him? He tells himself it’s for the diner food and the good coffee, but it’s for Gena’s and her boys’ companionship more than anything), but he does get to be someone's late-night (one-night-only) friend and companion. It's anonymous, almost. Temporary, no lasting consequences. 

I see Jake as aroace, and for him, flirting is just another tool in the arsenal of social skills he’s cultivated. It’s often pretty fun too. While he’s a master of masking and socializing, I think he does have trouble picking up people’s social signals about romance especially, at times. Practically, the difference between fun, playful banter between friends and a good portion of romantically-and/or-sexually-charged banter (i.e. flirting) is pretty slight. 

After a night trading jokes and challenging conversation, tearing up the dance floor together with someone(s) I could see someone making a move and/or inviting Jake home and it surprising him, more in the early days of having a night life of his own than later on. He does perfectly well when someone’s attraction is made clear and explicit in their words, but he’s had to learn to anticipate the possibility of someone’s attraction even if not explicitly stated. 

That’s all more about how Jake responds to flirting, but Jake himself? He lives for the banter, the back-and-forth, the game of it. He’s not going to initiate the flirt, but if someone sends a clear cue to do so? He’s down. Most of the time, anyway. Jake banters and jokes around with anyone he meets, and he takes as much enjoyment in the platonic banter as he does the romantic. It’s a game, and he’s strategic, thoughtful. He’s piecing together the puzzle of this other person, seeing how they respond and what’ll make them laugh, what’ll make them playfully nonreceptive versus genuinely nonreceptive. Flowery language, suave confidence, cheesy lines, compliments, subtle innuendo, jokes, sharing stories, talking life, physical closeness, dancing, intensity, gentleness, or just. Him being genuinely himself, not trying to perform the socialization.

It’s when nothing else has satisfied the other player in this game that he lets go of the performance. And sometimes, that’s what pulls people in the most. 

I think when people make a move to be physical with him, to invite him home, I think sometimes he accepts. It’s more game, more back-and-forth, more dancing, and, above all, it’s fun. 

He never stays the night, never sleeps over. His companion(s) for the night is that: for the night. And they know it. Jake may perform, but he doesn’t lie or mislead. The performance is him, heightened, more than it is someone else. 

Now, finally, to Layla. Jake doesn’t flirt with Layla. At least not for a long time. In the early days of being known to and well-into being *accepted* by Marc and Steven, he’s incredibly careful in how he interacts with Layla. Beyond the occasional half-irritated “hermosa”, Jake wouldn’t dare. He’s not going to cross that line. Layla isn’t his. She isn’t anyone’s, but she certainly isn’t his. They didn’t have a relationship, even if he’d pretended to be Marc around her on occasion in the past. That still wasn’t for him. Marc and now Steven's relationships with her are their own. Jake is so used to and inclined to try and stay out of their way, of their lives, of course he’s going to keep his distance. It doesn’t occur to him that she’d want to get to know him, who he is. Beyond what he does for his brothers. But him.

It takes time, but eventually, they become legitimate friends. It doesn’t start with flirting, it starts with Jake stating compliments of her as fact. Because they are, of course. Just observations. Maybe someone disrespects her or belittles her, and he gets angry, of course, but he goes off about how fucking wrong this hijo de puta is, that she’s a genius and, frankly, a saint for not kicking the bastards ass then and there, that they’re fucking lucky to have been in the same room as her, much less have the privilege of her competency and talent brought to their work, I can’t fucking believe this idiota, you’re too fucking good to deal with this shit. Mierda. Fuck.

And Layla is just staring at him, this being the most affection he’s ever shown her. A little more time, more growing comfortable in their dynamic as a system and with Layla, perhaps they’re about to have a night out, maybe for a mission, where they need to dress up, and Jake’s taking lead on recon, and he sees her all done up and, unlike Marc’s stunted speechlessness turned physical affection, Steven’s astonished showers of compliments, Jake? Jake tells it like it is. This ain’t gonna work. 

Why? 

You’re gonna fucking kill everyone in this joint when we step through the door. 

Cue Layla’s confused, surprised look. 

One look at you and every poor bastard in there’s heart is gonna stop. Can’t get intel if you’ve dropped all the sources by being so fucking gorgeous, hermosa. 

Layla’s face heats up immediately and she laughs, taking his arm in hers as they head out. 

From the back of their mind, Jake hears, Kinda cheesy, man. 

And then, I dunno, Marc, I thought it was lovely. And it’s not like he’s wrong. 

No, I know, trust me. She’s… she’s something. 

You should be a poet, jefe. 

Shut up.

[lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie]

The Quiet Game

Summary: When Patton comes to visit Janus, the twins play a game called the quiet game.

Pairings: Parental Janus, brotherly creativitwins (tag it as Rem/Rom and you’re blocked), past Moceit

CW: MENTIONS OF ABUSE, IMPLIED ABUSE, UNSYMPATHETIC!PATTON, MENTIONS OF DIVORCE, IMPLIED DIVORCE, YELLING.

(A/N: it’s ya bean. I haven’t written anything in a while. Sorry for any typos XD)

“Take that you foul Dukey!”

“You’ll never defeat me, Princey!”

Janus chuckles and watches his twins fondly. They’re only 8 but they’ve been through...a lot. It’s hard to see one without the other. Then again, Janus could never bring himself to separate them. Not even for a few moments. One would get upset and the other would cry. It’s quite heartbreaking to see one so broken without the other. Janus had fought hard to get them both away from their old home. And away from the monster that lived in it. He couldn’t bear to leave one. Not with...him. It’s been two years now since Janus left Patton. Since he took custody of the kids. It didn’t mean they were finally free though. Let’s just say Patton really misses his kiddos.

“Papa...Papa!”

Janus blinks out of his thoughts to see Roman staring up at him with wide curious eyes, his twin standing behind him and mirroring him. 

“Sorry, little prince. I was just thinking about something. Did you need something?” he asks, patting their heads.

“Yeah! Can you be the princess again? We need a damsel in distress!” Roman replies, holding up his plastic sword.

Janus sighs and smiles softly.

“I would love to, Roman, but Papa has to clean up around the house.” he says, ruffling their hair now.

The twins pouted.

“Aww, but we want you to play with us!” Remus whines.

“Yeah, Papa! You’ve been cleaning all day!” Roman chimes in.

Janus chuckles softly. Oh he just can’t resist his twins’ playfulness. 

“Alright but you have to pick up your toys first and bring them upstairs. All of them.” he says, gesturing to the living room where all the toys were scattered.

The twins lit up at that and nodded.

“Okay, Papa!” 

With that, the two ran off to go get started on grabbing their toys.

Meanwhile Janus smiles softly again and turns to continue cleaning, grabbing the broom he had set aside. While the twins put their toys away, Janus finished sweeping the living area and moved onto the kitchen. He dumped the dirt and dust into the kitchen trash can then he set aside the broom again. He grabbed the trash bag out of the trash can and headed for the front door. 

He stepped out of the little house he and the twins call home, making his way down the pathway. He dumped the trash in the big trash bin. Just as he shuts the lid, Janus hears the faint sound of a car coming from somewhere. He glances up and sees a familiar sky blue beetle car coming into view in the distance. 

Oh no.

Janus quickly returns to the house, shutting the door behind him. He heads to the living room and sees that it’s spotless. Huh. That was fast. Shaking his head, he looks over to see the twins running down the stairs with an eager look in their eyes. Janus hates to ruin this but...it was for their own safety. He comes over as the two reach the foot of the stairs.

“I’m glad you put your toys away, boys. I know you wanted me to play with you but we’re gonna have to do that later.” he says.

Roman tilts head and Remus pouts.

“But why, Papa?” Roman asks.

Janus looks over to the door then back to the twins.

“We’re gonna play the Quiet Game. You remember how to play?” he says.

The twins nod, a look in their eyes that hurts Janus to see. It just looks so wrong to see them so afraid like this. Like they would lose each other. The twins immediately cling to each other. They don’t like this game but Papa says it’s to keep the monster away so they play it. Anything to make the monster go away.

“We hide upstairs and we stay very quiet so the monster doesn’t find us. And then you come rescue us, Papa.” Roman recites.

Like Roman had said, whenever Patton or the ‘monster’ comes over, they have to hide upstairs in their bedroom and stay quiet until the ‘monster’ leaves or Janus says it safe.

Janus nods, giving them a small smile. 

“That’s right, little prince. And you also keep each other safe.” he says, getting two nods in return.

Janus glances at the door again before turning back to his twins.

“Okay, the monster is here. Go hide!” 

The twins nod and run upstairs hand in hand as Janus sighs. He hates this game as much as they do but it was for their own good. He hears their bedroom door click shut and he takes a deep breath. Then he heads over to the door. He nearly flinches as he suddenly hears a knock. Janus composes himself then opens the door.

“Oh, Janus! It’s so good to see you again!” 

There stands Patton. Patton and Janus had been husbands. Had. Ever since the twins came around from the adoption center, Patton had changed. It started at the Adoption Center itself when Patton only wanted Roman and not Remus. The worker there had told him they refused to be separate and had to be adopted together or not all. Patton tried to talk the worker into letting him take only Roman but the worker said no. That’s when Janus stepped in and convinced Patton to take them both.

When the twins were brought home, Patton mostly gave his attention to Roman. Janus was left to take care of Remus. The twins were only four then and life was already hell for them. As the months passed, Patton pulled Roman further and further away from Remus. He tried to raise Roman as the perfect kid while neglecting Remus more and more. Janus did his best to take care of Remus, sneaking him over to Roman when Patton was away. As even more time went on, Janus saw more and more of Patton’s true colors. It wasn’t long before their first fight which led to more and more fights. The twins could only watch on. Then one day, when Janus left for work and had Patton watch the twins, he came home to find Roman sitting alone on the couch.

It was late when Janus came home. He shuts the door behind him and blinks when he looks up and sees Roman alone on the couch, the poor boy’s face stained with tears.

“Roman?” Janus calls.

Roman flinches and it concerns Janus.

“O-Oh, welcome home, Papa.” he greets, a faint sad smile on his face.

Janus gets his shoes and coat off before joining Roman. Oh dear. He’s trembling.

“Where’s your dad?” he asks.

Roman shifts and hesitates before answering.

“At the neighbor’s...They told dad they heard screaming and wanted to check but dad said they should talk outside…” he mumbles.

Janus frowns at that. Has Patton always lied to the neighbors? Patton hates lying. 

“And where is your brother?” he asks next.

Roman freezes at that and more tears slip out, his shoulders trembling.

“I-I don’t know...I-I...d-don’t know...I don’t know!” he chokes, hands balling into fists.

Janus frowns even more. What the hell did Patton do this time?

“Shh, it’s alright, Roman. We’ll find him. Do you know what your dad did with Remus?”

Roman hesitates again, looking around as if Patton were watching.

Janus notices and gently takes his hands, squeezing them both gently.

“Go on, little prince. You can tell Papa.” he soothes.

Roman sniffles, looking around again before answering again.

“D-Dad dragged him away...S-Said he was a bad twin and deserved nothing...I-I don’t know where dad put him but he said Remus deserves to be locked up…” he admits. 

Janus nods, anger boiling inside him. His sweet husband had become a monster. That was the final straw. He takes a deep breath and pulls Roman close.

“Don’t worry, my little hero. We’ll find your brother.”

After searching around and finding scratch marks in the hall, Janus found Remus in the basement and the twins were reunited. Roman and Remus broke down by then and told them how mean and awful Patton was. Patton had locked Remus away and left him there so he ‘wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore’ and focused on Roman. The screaming was Remus trying and failing to fight back. It angered Janus, seeing how Patton only cared for having the perfect child. 

When Patton returned, Janus confronted him and said he was filing for divorce. He was also taking the twins. After a month of arguing and appearing in court, Janus won custody which of course upset Patton. Janus then moved out with the twins and into a new home. Of course, it didn’t stop Patton from coming over now and then to see them. So Janus did what he could to protect the twins while he started looking for a place further away to move to. And possibly a restraining order on Patton as well. They haven’t had much luck on either of those goals but Janus hasn’t given up.

And now here he was again, dealing with Patton once more.

“Patton. It’s...nice to see you.” Janus says, a small but fake smile on his lips.

Patton grins.

“Aww, I missed you too, Janus! May I come in? Your home looks lovely!” he says, trying to act like he was still all sunshine and rainbows.

Janus rolls his eyes but lets Patton in, leading him to the living room. They sit in the living room.

“So, what brings you here again?” Janus asks.

Patton giggles.

“Can’t this dear old dad visit his old family?” he grins.

Janus holds back a growl and the urge to roll his eyes. Part of him wishes he broke out the wine before answering the door. 

“No. I thought I made it clear the last several times that you leave me and the twins alone.” he hisses.

Patton shifts, smiling awkwardly now like he still thinks he’s sweet.

“Oh come on, Jan. Let me see them! I miss my kiddos!”

“They’re not your kids anymore. You signed the papers.” Janus replies.

Patton glances up the stairs.

“I know but...can’t I at least visit? Or even say hi? I miss them!” he frowns, taking a step forward.

Janus quickly blocks Patton. They’re far from the stairs but Patton could try to bolt past him out of sheer ‘worry’ and get to them. Janus was not letting that happen. 

“Miss them or miss Roman?” Janus raises an eyebrow, crossing his arms.

“I miss them both!” Patton says, eyes wide and like he thinks he’s a cute puppy. 

Janus snaps.

“Lies!”

And the fighting starts up again, Patton arguing back about what he said followed by Janus hissing about his neglectful abuse. 

Meanwhile…

The twins had sat on their shared bed, holding each other close as they listened to their Papa arguing downstairs with da- with the monster. Remus whimpers, clinging to his older brother, tiny hands clutching onto the faded red disney tee. Roman hugs Remus and tries his best to comfort him.

“It’s okay, Ree. Papa’s gonna make the monster go away. I know it.” he assures his twin, trying to stay calm and brave for his twin.

Remus nods, eyes glassy and threatening to tear up.

“I hope so....I don’t like the monster. He’s gonna lock me up again.” he whispers. 

“No. He won’t. I’m not letting him take you away again.” Roman says determinedly now, holding his brother tighter. 

Remus only nods again in return as the yelling continues. He never did like getting yelled at. It was loud and scary. Like thunder. He hopes the yelling stops soon. Despite him and his brother being in the safety of their bedroom, it was still loud. Almost too loud. The monster was very loud, roaring over and over and over. It made Remus whimper again and tremble, hiding his face. 

“You okay, Ree?” Roman asks, hearing his twin whimper.

“T-Too loud.” Remus replies.

Roman hums and looks around before seeing their closet, left open and big enough to hide in. Funnily enough, the twins aren’t afraid of the closet monsters. They fear the one downstairs even more. Especially since he’s real. To them, the closet is a land they call the Imagination. And they were going there now to escape until the monster is gone and they can stop playing the Quiet Game. Roman takes Remus’ hand, grabbing his twin’s favorite stuffed octopus too for extra comfort before leading Remus towards the closet. He lets Remus in first then follows and shuts the door, leaving a tiny crack open just in case.

“Better?” Roman asks, giving Remus his octopus.

Remus relaxes a bit and nods.

“Yeah. Thank’s RoRo.” he replies, clutching onto his octopus friend.

The two cling to each other again, Roman watching through the crack in the door for Papa or the monster. So far he can hear the yelling which is more faint now with them both being in the closet. He hopes Papa is okay. Roman recalls him being upset whenever the monster fought with him. Poor Papa. 

Then, as Roman continues to watch, he hears Papa and the monster’s voices getting louder followed by footsteps. Roman feels his heart pound. The monster is coming. Unsure of what else to do, he shuts the closet door and pulls Remus close. His twin squeaks and clings to him. The yelling picks up.

“I told you to leave, Patton!”

“Not until I see my kiddos!”

“They’re not your kiddos! Leave them alone!”

“I’m taking them! They’re mine!”

“No, they aren’t!”

“Get out of my way, Janus!”

“You’re not taking MY kids!”

“I am! You can’t stop me!”

“No, but a restraining order will! Get out of my house!”

“But-”

“Out!”

Then it goes dead silent before more talking is heard. It’s quiet and muffled now. Footsteps are heard but they’re slower now.

Meanwhile…

Janus sighs and watches as Patton finally leaves the house. He sighs in relief, shutting the door and locking it. The monster is gone. At least for now. After giving himself a moment to calm down, Janus turns and heads upstairs to check on the twins. He opens their bedroom door to find it...empty? He looks around, worried for a moment when he hears a muffled voice from the closet. Sighing in relief, Janus makes his way towards the closet and knocks gently.

“Boys? It’s Papa.”

It’s silent for a moment then the closet door creaks open a bit, a wary green eye peeking through. Janus gives a soft gentle smile, assuring Roman it’s him. 

“Papa!”

The door then slides open fully and the twins scramble out and into Janus’ arms, sending them all to the floor. He’s glad his twins are safe and okay. The monster failed to lay its hands on them again.

“It’s alright. I’m here now. What were you doing in the closet, my little royals?” Janus asks, holding them both.

“Ree said it was too loud so we hid in the closet. When we heard footsteps and louder yelling, I shut the door. Just in case. I’m sorry if we broke any rules, Papa.” Roman explains.

Janus shakes his head and smiles softly, squeezing both his twins comfortingly.

“You didn’t break any rules. I’m glad you protected your little brother. Hopefully we never have to play the quiet game ever again but for today, you and Remus were brave.” he says.

Sure, they’re only eight and have been through four years of hell but he knows his boys are getting stronger and stronger each day. He knows they’ll make it to a much safer place than here. Someday. For now, he’ll have to keep them safe for as long as he can.

“You were brave too, Papa! You fought the monster away!” Remus adds, smiling now. 

Janus huffs a laugh, ruffling the twins’ hair.

“Of course. I have to protect my prince.” he boops Roman’s nose and then Remus’ “And my duke. I love you very much.”

The twins giggle, beaming again. A sight Janus will fight to keep on their faces for as long as they all live.

“We love you too, Papa!”

[littleoldrachel]

i am burned out (i smell of smoke) - part three

you are all TOO NICE TO ME i can’t cope with how kind you are!!!

here is part three!

(i'm having a pretty hard time with my own bad brain at the moment so pls don't hate me for the typos, etc. i will fix them when my brain is less yoghurty, pls forgive me)

good news: the next chapter will only be a bit more angst and then it's all comfort from there on out i PROMISE he's gonna be okay <3

i am burned out (i smell of smoke) [on ao3]

summary: in which virgil falls apart, learns how to put himself back together, and realises he doesn’t have to do it alone.

word count: 6.7k ish ( part 1/5 | part 2/5 | part 3/5)

warnings: mental health issues -  look so there is some pretty intense mental health stuff in here so please. go careful. also trigger warnings for some super brief suicidal ideation. you are loved and i am here if you need a reminder of that <3

timeline: i suppose this is set in early TAG verse?  jeff is missing and nobody is Coping Well.

happy belated birthday, nutty!! <3

iii.

The days that follow are an enigma. 

Later, in therapy, he'll struggle to remember a single detail. There is simply a gap that promises pain should he poke it too hard, and he will shy away from reliving a single minute of it.

At the time though…

It’s a waterfall of suffering; he is cascading down, down, down, and every time he grabs a hold, his hand slips on smooth rock and agonising memories. Relentless misery beats down on him until he stops even trying to raise his head, because it is always stronger than him. Hitting the bottom, he is submerged, unable to distinguish the surface from the floor because of the murky grey all around him, and he can’t breathe down here, he’s alone down here, he’s going to die down here. 

So. The days that follow feel a lot like drowning - and Virgil would know. 

He can’t breathe and his limbs are too heavy and everything is muted, grey, useless, but himself most of all. He cannot feel much of anything at all beneath this crushing despair, but he knows that he is utterly sick of himself, beyond exhausted of feeling so terrible, desperate for a way out but unable to communicate this to his family.

He spends a lot of time thinking about his parents. Not a day goes by where he doesn’t remember them, but it’s usually memories of their lives, rather than grisly and traumatic thoughts of their deaths. But now, he can’t seem to stop himself from fixating on the way his mother turned the snow around her berry-red as she first stopped shaking, then speaking, then breathing. Nor how his father’s final moments must have been elation-turned-fear, how the heat of the flames must have engulfed him all at once, if there was any relief that he would once more be with Lucy -

He never allows himself to think these thoughts. They're too upsetting, too raw, too painful.

But now, he is powerless to stop them. 

On the fifth day of this new low - though it is fast becoming Virgil’s norm and that terrifies him - the klaxon sounds and Virgil can barely drag himself to the lounge. He does so anyway, arriving in time to see Gordon disappearing down his chute. Scott casts a glance in his direction as he makes his own way to his ship, concern blossoming at the sight of Virgil’s blank eyes. 

“Go to bed, Virg, you look rough.”

(Virgil doesn’t argue, which only tightens the knot of worry in Scott’s stomach, but he shoves it aside in favour of the rescue).

Virgil returns to bed, avoiding all reflective surfaces he can. He knows how terrible he looks and he cannot stand the sight of himself, but he also can’t seem to bring himself to get in the fucking shower. 

He’s disgusted with himself - it’s no wonder Scott didn’t want him on the rescue.

*

Or any rescues, apparently.

“You’re sick, Virg,” Scott begins, when he arrives home late that night to find his younger brother hasn’t moved from his bed. 

Virgil protests (hardly, weakly), though he can’t find the conviction for the words. It’s like he’s going through the motions of a well-rehearsed play. “I’m not sick. I’m fine to fly.”

“Abso-fucking-lutely not.”

Virgil sighs, rolling away from his brother and that horrible mounting worry. 

“You see, the fact you didn’t call me out on that language tells me just how horrible you must be feeling. I mean it, Virg. Grounded until you’re recovered. And I want you to have a medical first thing!”

It doesn’t feel like there’s any recovering from this sickness. 

*

Not having the distraction of rescues is punishment enough, but worse is the knowledge that Gordon keeps falling asleep over breakfast because Virgil can’t pull his fucking weight. He feels completely fucking useless - is being completely fucking useless - and yet, he still can’t bring himself to get out of bed. His brothers parrot concerned, loving questions he can’t answer and show him a kindness he certainly doesn’t deserve, and Virgil -

Virgil is a paradox: on the one hand, he is too empty to feel a single damned thing, no matter how much he wants to cry, no matter how hard he tries to put a label on these experiences, there is nothing there and therefore he is nothing. But on the other hand, Virgil is overflowing with raw, live misery so heavy he can’t take a full breath and so awful he stops caring about the fact. 

He’s not okay. 

He doesn’t know what’s wrong and he doesn’t know why, but he’s so far from okay, it’s laughable.

Only, he hasn’t laughed in weeks, and Gordon has stopped trying to make him. 

That realisation burrows into his heart, a sharp nasty sting of guilt and loneliness. He misses his brothers and he knows it’s his fault that they’re withdrawing - isolating yourself from them will do that - but it hurts all the same. 

It hurts because when Scott had started to count on neat whiskey to get him through the day, Virgil had dug his heels in and refused to let it be so. It hurts because when John had been relying on study drugs and no sleep to get through his PhD, it was Virgil who refused to let him hide away in shame. It hurts because Virgil has been there for more of Gordon’s panic attacks than he wants to remember, and yet he remembers them all the same. It hurts because Alan is too young to have lost so much, but Virgil refuses to let him shoulder that alone. 

Virgil loves his brothers with every single drop of Tracy blood in his veins, and he isn't afraid to show it by any means necessary. 

But he's so, so tired. 

Not of loving them - never that - but there's something so lonely and sad about this feeling and he’s exhausted by it and terrified of it and it all just hurts.

*

“There’s nothing wrong with him,” says John hesitantly, and Scott looks sharply at his younger brother across their father’s desk. “Don’t try and tell me this is fine, John,” 

"I know it's not fine," snaps John, “but I’m telling you that physically, he’s fine. A few bruises, but nothing some rest won’t fix.”

Scott begins to pace, frustration thrumming through his body. “He’s not eating properly,” He runs his hand through prematurely greying hairs in a motion learned from his father. “He’s just not Virgil.”

“I know.”

“I haven’t seen him paint or play piano in weeks, hell he isn’t even trying to get me to talk about my feelings. He’s alone all the time, constantly tired...”

“I know.”

“I just - are you sure? Nothing cracked at all? No signs of-”

“I had Brains run three separate scans, Scott. I’ve checked the results myself.”

“Could it be a concussion of some kind? He took a pretty big beating in Gen-”

“Scott. For God’s sake, listen. Physically, he’s fine.”

Scott stares at him, wishing not for the first time that the cogs of his brain moved at the same velocity as John’s. “Physically… so you’re saying this isn’t a physical thing?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Scott swallows - this is okay, unexpected, but he can recalibrate and work out what it is that Virgil needs, this is fine. “So it’s a mental thing.”

John smiles in spite of the gravity of the situation. “I don’t think that’s the correct term, but yes, I believe so.”

“What specifically?”

“I’m not a doctor, Scott. Virg’s the one with medical training.”

“Yes, but he’s not telling us anything.” Scott stares at John, fear clawing at his throat, at the thought of his brother - his best friend - hurting so much and yet seemingly unable to voice it. “What do I -” his voice cracks and he clears his throat hurriedly. “What do I do?”

“This isn’t all on you, Scott,” John says, his turn to be sharp now. “He’s my brother too.”

Scott takes a deep breath; the weight of his one thousand responsibilities have never felt so heavy on his shoulders, and yet, they may as well be feathers for how unimportant they are compared to this bombshell. But. John’s eyes reflect his own concern, but there’s a determination in the set of his jaw Scott has come to rely upon - his younger brother has never met a problem he couldn’t solve.

“Fine. What do we do?”

“I… I’m working on it.”

“John. This isn’t all on you.”

“Yeah yeah, Kettle.” John rubs his eyes. “EOS and I are researching. There’s a lot out there and because he won’t tell us how he feels, I don’t - I don’t know if we should get him a therapist like Gordon had or meds like me or… I don’t know what. And our lives aren’t exactly normal, so it’s hard to say what will actually help.” 

EOS pipes up, her lights dancing somewhere between turquoise and green (Virgil would know what to call that): “The recurring theme across research is ‘being there’ for the patient. A strange concept since humans are so limited by their physical forms.”

John smiles again, but it’s strained. “I’ll explain later, EOS. But it’s like how Virgil always checks in with me after a bad day.”

The words bring a lump to Scott’s throat that he can’t explain. 

“I see. So, you need to ‘check in’ with him now?” EOS asks.

“Something like that.” John catches Scott’s eye again. “Normalcy is also good. Being active.”

“So I shouldn’t ground him?” Scott says, though the thought of Virgil piloting his ship in a poor mental state terrifies him. He’s not afraid of his brother’s skill - that has never been in question - but how is he supposed to protect him from something none of them can even see?

“I don’t know.” John says it like it’s physically painful - perhaps it is, John is always loathe to admit lack of knowledge on a topic. “Maybe not? Though I don’t want him flying a ship if he’s feeling like, well -”

Scott slumps back into his father’s chair - his chair now. “Exactly. I don’t know what to do, John.”

“Me neither.” Uttered quietly. Helplessly.

Scott hates this.

Silence stretches between them - uncomfortable, worried tension that neither of them know how to handle. 

Eventually, John sighs, “I should go, Scott. Duty calls and all that.”

“John…” His brother pauses in reaching to cut the commline. “You - he’d tell us if he was feeling really bad, right? This is Virgil we’re talking about. He loves all that feelings stuff.”

“Yeah. Yes.” 

But John’s voice is laced with an uncertainty that curdles the worry in Scott’s stomach. 

*

Virgil's not sure exactly how long it's been but it must be weeks and he's losing his fucking mind. 

Every day is the same and it’s all one neverending nightmare. 

With the morning birdsong, he locks himself in his rooms and sleeps - or at least tries to, because it doesn't count as sleep when he wakes even more tired. He rejects his brothers' concern and ignores the trays of food Grandma has taken to leaving outside his door.

Where he's able to, Virgil still attempts to check in with them all after difficult rescues, still tries to fulfill his role as resident caregiver, but it's becoming increasingly hard to field their nagging questions. 

He almost caves, when Alan slopes into his room and practically begs him to tell them what's wrong. His brother's wide blue eyes are a weapon all of their own, and it takes all of Virgil's resolve to shrug his worries off. He steeps in self-loathing for hours at the hurt in Alan's eyes. 

Virgil doesn't understand why it's so hard to say the words out loud. For someone who has always championed self care and mental well-being, this inability to communicate his own suffering is as unexpected as it is unmanageable. He doesn't know where it's come from, nor how he's going to fix it; all he knows is that he cannot bear Scott's judgement, John's worry, Gordon's probing, Alan's disappointment -

It's too much.

It's all too much.

And he despises himself for that.

*

He endures John’s insistence he has a physical - and a second and third when the results are inevitably fine. He allows Scott’s anxious hovering as he answers Brains’ questions without complaint - another wrinkle to add to his brother’s worry lines, but he doesn’t have the energy to fight it.

For some reason, the medical proof that he is, in fact, fine, is damning. At least if there were some physical cause for his current state, he thinks it would be easier to bear (easier rather than fine, because he’s Virgil goddamn Tracy with a mile-wide stubborn streak) but instead he’s just falling apart with a single good reason.

(He hates himself for it). 

*

Scott watches his brother brush past his piano like he doesn’t even notice it’s there, flinch from the sunlight like it burns him, grow skinnier and more hunched beneath those tatty plaid shirts, and his heart aches. 

If their positions were reversed, Virgil would know what to do. Virgil knows Scott better than he knows himself, would have probably been able to resolve this before it even started. 

But Scott isn’t Virgil - he cannot untangle emotions and comfort weary souls like his brother can. 

He doesn’t know what to do with this shell of a man.

Scott spends what little time he has researching, learning, planning, but nothing he tries seems to help at all. Each time he broaches the topic of having someone to talk to with Virgil, his brother simply shuts down. He whines and begs Virgil to play him something but Virgil just sits before the piano, working on muscle memory alone. He stares at the medical reports until they blur and fade into restless sleep.

But he loves his brother just as fiercely as Virgil does him, and so it’s in sheer desperation that he tells John Virgil is back on duty. His brother blinks, schools surprise into an unreadable calm, and Scott feels the need to justify himself. 

“I just - maybe giving him a sense of purpose will help. Some structure back, you know?”

“Sure, Scott,” John says, though his tone is anything but. 

*

Scott’s announcement that he’s back on duty is a surprise to Virgil. His brother goes from you're not flying Two again until you're fit to, and you're not fit to until you goddamn talk to me to we need Two, now, Virg practically overnight. Alan and Gordon exchange similar looks of confusion, and Virgil is doubly aware of what a burden he has been to them all.

In Scott’s defense, they do need Two - and all of the ‘Birds to be honest. 

Virgil pushes through the foggy exhaustion that has become his waking state, and drops into his chute like he’s never been gone. By the time he’s adjusting his uniform, the fog has cleared a little, and when he’s settled in the pilot’s chair - his chair - he feels better than he has in weeks. Gordon flops down beside him, feet somehow already propped on the dash, and Virgil shoves them off automatically. 

He feels alive. 

Rescues help. For all the pressure and pain they bring, rescues give him a purpose. Even though rescues drove him to - no. Virgil doesn’t want to think about that now. All he knows is that without rescues - well. Actually, Virgil doesn't want to think about that option either. 

It’s been a while since he’s flown his ‘Bird, but she’s the same reliable dream she always is (a little worse for wear in her left thruster perhaps, from Gordon’s overeager antics, but nothing some tinkering won’t fix later. The fact that he is even interested in tinkering speaks volumes). The thrum of Two’s engines is practically medicinal and he revels in being able to breathe freely, think clearly - it’s been so, so long. 

The journey to the rescue zone is quiet, updates from John and occasional witticisms from Gordon are background noise to the beloved sound of Two responding to his lightest touch. Alan and Scott - speed junkies till they die - are far enough ahead of them that Virgil and Gordon exchange their usual eye rolling at Alan’s antics (“and the youngest Tracy takes the lead, a swift manoeuvre from Mr Alan Tracy proving once and for all that he is the true champ- hey, that’s not fair-“) and for a minute, it’s like none of the last few weeks had happened. 

Gordon bounces out of his seat as they begin their descent, practically vibrating with adrenaline as he dashes to his own ‘Bird. Virgil drops Pod 4 with a grin at Gordon’s whoop, catches a glimpse of sunshine yellow cutting through murky water, before sweeping round into landing beside Alan’s rocket.

In spite of the carnage around the Thunderbirds, Virgil feels the adrenaline stirring in his own chest, because finally, something he knows how to do, how to help, how to fix. 

It's an earthquake, the second one in this area in as many months. The hastily-reconstructed housing never stood a chance against tremors that tickled six on the Richter scale. In places the ground has cracked in two, dark zigzagging lines snaking across the desolate landscape. Piles of rubble, pools of dirty water, clouds of dust, and among them, people staggering hopelessly through the remnants of their houses. 

Families who have already lost everything are once again homeless. Virgil’s heart aches at the injustice of it all. 

International Rescue's task is simple, in theory. Virgil and Alan are to get the survivors out from the rubble nearest the epicentre, whilst Gordon takes Four up to the dam and assesses the damage done to the wall’s defences. Scott will be assisting with rescues from the sinkhole on the edge of the town - the result of overtaxing the land and the force of nature. And John, of course, as their ever-seeing eye in the sky. Simple. 

As simple as it can be when you’re surrounded by desperate people and their frantic hopes that you’ll save their loved ones. A quick word with Alan and Virgil dons his exo-suit, grimacing a little at the familiar weight of the Jaws of Life on his limbs. He’s reluctant to use the Mole given that it is likely bodies will be distributed at different depths in the wreckage - and Jesus, what a bleak thought that is. 

Alan begins tackling the top layers of rubble, using a combination of grappling hooks and jet blasters to clear the smaller chunks of rock, wood and dust from the area. Watching Alan work so efficiently and professionally sends a jolt of pride through Virgil’s chest; in many ways, Alan is and always will be their baby brother, but at times like this, it’s impossible to deny the man he is becoming. 

Whilst Gordon is Virgil’s usual partner on rescues, Alan is equally capable and hard-working, and between them and John’s careful scans, they begin locating some of the missing. Something loosens in Virgil’s chest at the sight of the first dust-streaked hand reaching towards them through the rocks - bruised, filthy, but unmistakably alive. As much as he tries to avoid superstition on rescues, beginning with a corpse is never a good omen. 

(Of course, this isn’t to say they don’t find bodies. A mother wrapped around her child, body misshapen from the weight of the rocks. An unrecognisable man, head bashed to a pulp - Virgil sends Alan to get some water at that point, nausea making them both shaky).

As is always the way, human kindness prevails, and soon the local people are involved in the rescue efforts. Virgil knows from experience that it’s best not to fight it, but he asks in a broken attempt at their language (that John then delivers flawlessly) that they stay away from the more dangerous sites.

As if it’s not all one big danger site.

Still. He’s busy and sweating and focused, and there is no time for self-loathing or guilt in his head at the moment. His arms are aching a couple of hours in, but he keeps going - has to keep going - because there are more people who need him and he needs this. It feels like it takes an age to clear just the stretch of what was once a row of houses, but once they have, Alan and Virgil barely stop for a rest before moving to the next place they are needed.

Virgil forces Alan to eat an energy bar, watching closely despite Alan’s glares to ensure it all goes down, but can’t bring himself to have more than a few bites of his own. 

Eventually, God knows how many hours later but late enough that there is but a slither of sun left on the horizon, John’s murmurs of heartbeats in the rubble grow further and further apart, and the number of bodies only continues to rise. Things deteriorate further with the aftershocks that rip through the land and Virgil clings to the person he’s in the middle of rescuing, willing them not to slip from his shaking grip. 

(He manages, just, though they have gone ragdoll limp by the time the earth resettles).

(But he keeps going).

Gordon has come to join them, tired but satisfied that reinforcements are in place, and Virgil smiles like it’s normal for him, claps him on the shoulder. “Good job, Gords.”

The grin he gets in return is a little bemused but bright and Virgil feels alive. 

*

The sky is velvety black now, tiny pinpricks of silver piercing it, and up there, one of those lights is his brother. Even with Two’s floodlighting, Virgil has to squint now to see what he’s shifting, his arms are leaden, and his head aches with dehydration. The end is in sight though; as brutal as it is to admit it from this point on, they will mainly be pulling bodies, and despite Scott’s insistence that International Rescue will continue their efforts, the local authority is equally stubborn that their crews can take it from here. 

(Virgil hears a mutinous, “fat lot of good that did last time,” muttered into Scott’s comm and can’t help but agree). 

He sighs, pauses for a second to stretch his muscles, and taps his own comms. 

"John, status update?"

"Two more life signs in the vicinity. To your left. Signal's faint… are they beneath that building?"

'Building' is a generous word for the structure that John has identified. Its stone walls are cracked from ground to roof, angry black tears through stone that has started to crumble. In places, the rock has already given way, revealing open sky and starlight through the gaps. It’s been reinforced with wooden shafts, which are crippled under the strain. The building is practically swaying in the breeze: a Jenga stack one block from collapse.

“Building integrity?” Virgil asks, though Virgil the Engineer is already running calculations on structural integrity and coming up with big flashing red NOs. Not even with the proper equipment - there isn’t enough of a structure to even hold onto, let alone hold up.

No way in hell is Alan going in there. Nor Gordon.

But someone has to.

“No way,” John says sharply, just as Virgil knew he would, but he’s already moving, squeezing through the space where a window once was. “Virgil - Virgil, no - at least wait for backup-”

Virgil swipes the connection away - he’ll pay for it later, but for now, he needs to focus and John’s audible yet uncharacteristic panic isn’t conducive to this.

It’s even darker inside, and Virgil makes a mental note to thank Brains for installing the headtorch in the suit. Eerie shadows bounce off the walls but at least he can see where the stairs have semi-collapsed against an internal wall - where the two victims must be buried.

“Hello?” Virgil tries, picking his way through the damage as best as he can in the gloom. “Can anyone hear me?”

There’s a pause, and then - unmistakably - a sob. A stream of words in a foreign tongue, far too quick for Virgil to understand, but he knows the universal language of fear and he moves. 

He grunts as he begins shifting rocks. “I’m Virgil, I’m with International Rescue. I’m going to get you out.” He repeats it in a clunky version of their language, and gets a further panicked babble. 

John appears again as he spots the leg of one of the victims - torn trousers and tiny feet, a child - and he does not look impressed. “Firstly, Virgil, what the fuck? Second, Scott is on his way and he will kill you for not waiting for backup-”

“We might not have time for that, John,” Virgil pants, shoving slab of the wall away. It has uncovered the whole lower body of the child and it’s a sharp twist in Virgil’s chest to see the duck patterns so dirty and ruined. 

John pinches the bridge of his nose and breaths out noisily. “This is incredibly dangerous, Virgil.”

“So let me do my job and get out of here,” Virgil snaps back, and John recoils. Virgil regrets the words the second they leave his mouth - he’s tired and dehydrated and stressed and he didn’t mean it, of course he didn’t - but John’s already gone blank with carefully-concealed hurt. 

Virgil hates when he does this. 

“John, I-”

“Don’t, Virgil. Do your damn job.” 

As John closes the connection, Virgil swallows down his guilt and focuses on the task at hand. There will be time to make it up to his brother later. 

They’re both children, it turns out, wrapped up in each other’s arms, tear stains tracking their cheeks, and scared shitless, but alive. The boy has a head wound that’s bleeding sluggishly and the girl is cradling her arm protectively, but it’s okay, Virgil got them out, they’re going to be okay.

“I’m Virgil,” he tells them, kneeling before them and tapping his chest. “What are your names?”

“Faroqh,” the girl says, pointing at the boy and then at herself. “Leila.” She adds something on the end - a plea, he thinks, though it’s too quick to catch anything.

“I’m going to get you out,” Virgil says, keeping his voice calm and soothing. He holds out his hands and the boy reaches for it, scrubbing at his eyes. 

John pops up again and the girl leaps back in shock. “Virgil - get out, aftershocks incoming, get out-”

The ground is already moving beneath them, juddering, groaning, and Virgil seizes the boy, scooping him against his chest, tries to reach for the girl through the clouds of dust rising -

Quiet.

For a split second, he thinks they’ve escaped it. 

And then it all goes wrong.

The ceiling caves first, then the walls, collapsing inwards like dominoes. There’s no time to think, Virgil just reacts, throwing himself blindly in the direction of the girl, cushioning both children as best he can against himself as the rocks rain down. 

In his mind, he’s vaguely aware that this is more of a Scott-move than a Virgil-move. Scott is the one who’ll fling himself into danger without a second thought, if it means someone else gets theirs. 

And yet, here he is. 

Even with the suit, it hurts. Jagged lumps crash into his back, pelt his already aching arms, bash his head further into the rocks. 

It doesn’t matter, he doesn’t care, just let them live, take him instead -

(Wait, what-?)

He doesn’t remember losing consciousness, but the next thing he can recall is a ringing in his ears and the realisation that the ground around them is still. 

“Virgil, get out of there!” John’s voice cuts across his comms, and Virgil opens his eyes.

“Faroqh?” he murmurs. “Leila?”

He feels one of them say something in his chest, senses slowly coming back online. Unfortunately, the fact that every single part of his body is in agony also makes itself known, and Virgil groans, shifting against the weight on his back.

“Virgil? Jesus, Virgil, talk to me. Scott - do you have eyes on him?”

“Almost,” Scott’s voice is tight with poorly-concealed anger and concern. “Virgil, do you copy?”

“Y- yeah,” Virgil manages, then coughs harshly.

“Status?”

“I think - I think they’re both fine. One is definitely c-conscious.”

There’s a pause and then Scott says, even more tightly. “And you?”

“Nothing broken I don’t think.”

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Scott says grimly.

Virgil closes his eyes again, because he’s so tired and he doesn’t have the energy for Scott’s hypocritical bullshit right now, but he must have lost more time because the next thing he knows, the weight on his back has lifted and strong arms are dragging him upwards.

His older brother is there, eyes a battleground between worry, fury and yet more worry. Virgil loosens his grip on the children, looking up at Scott. “Scott, I had to, they’re just kids-”

Faroqh stifles a cry and Scott’s eyes snap to him. “Give them to me.”

“I just - can you - Leila wasn’t speaking - is she-?”

Scott presses his fingers to her throat and there’s an agonising pause. “She has a pulse.”

“Thank God,” Virgil murmurs, slumping back and releasing his grip on the children.

“Thank God?” Scott repeats incredulously. “Virg - I don’t - I -”

“Don’t do this now, Scott,” John’s voice is quiet but authoritative. “Wait for me, please.”

Scott closes his eyes briefly. “Deal,” he mutters, and then picks up Leila’s body, stretching his other hand out to Faroqh. “I’m going to take these two out to Gordon and Alan. And then I’m coming back for you. Don’t you dare move.”

Faroqh accepts Scott’s hand but looks anxiously at Virgil, who does his best to smile encouragingly. 

And then Scott is gone and Virgil is alone in the mess he’s created. 

The weight of realisation comes crashing down around him, even harder than the building fell, and it’s a punch to his already fragile ribs. He does his best to focus on breathing rather than the swell of shame and self-loathing that’s ballooning in his chest because he really fucked this up. Virgil can feel his control beginning to slip and digs his fingers into the bruises on his legs. The pain grounds him momentarily, but only leaves him emptier when he stops. And so he only stops when Scott’s silhouette fills the entrance once more.

As Scott approaches, furious concern has him practically vibrating with emotion. Virgil takes a deep breath, choking down his own self-loathing for now, accepts the hand up and staggers into his brother’s side as the pain hits him in full. He may not have broken anything but his entire body feels like it’s been used as a punchbag and it hurts. 

Scott’s grip tightens around his waist and the worry intensifies. “Can you make it out?”

“Yeah,” Virgil says. (Probably is more honest). 

Leaning heavily into Scott, they make their painfully slow way to the door, out to where a pair of anxiously-hovering brothers are waiting for them. 

Alan barely restrains himself from lunging at Virgil, eyes overly bright. “Virg - are - are you okay?”

“Fine, Allie,” Virgil says, pointedly ignoring Scott’s irritable snort of disbelief. 

Gordon’s expression is caught between relief, worry and anger, but the former wins over and he hurries to Virgil’s other side. “What were you thinking, Virg? Going in without backup?”

“Not now, Gords, I promised John we’d wait for him. Let’s just get this moron home first.”

Virgil’s mind is struggling to compute the words whilst also concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. “Wait - John’s coming.”

“Yup.” Scott’s mouth is so thin it’s a grim slash. 

Well, shit. 

*

“You’re not flying home. No fucking way.”

“She’s my ship.”

“I. Don’t. Care. You just got injured and you’re not fit to fly.”

“Scott, it’s just bruising-”

“And a probable concussion,” chimes in Gordon, standing his ground when Virgil shoots a glare at him.

“You’re not flying and that’s an order.”

It’s not often that Scott pulls rank on him - it’s a cold day in hell when he has to - and it’s the shock of it that causes Virgil to spit “yes, Commander” with such venom. He loathes himself for the hurt he knows will be in Scott’s eyes but stalks to the passenger seat without meeting his gaze. Scott watches him for another few seconds and the stare burns right down to Virgil’s soul, scorching across his anger and burrowing right into his guilt. 

But he still can’t meet his brother’s eyes. 

Scott turns, leaves and Virgil sags in his seat. He doesn’t say a word whilst Gordon starts Two’s engines, not even when he revs a little harder than is necessary. He can’t bring himself to answer a single one of Gordon’s attempts at humour and eventually, Gordon lapses into silence too. 

Virgil’s head is in turmoil and his chest is heavy - heavier than it’s ever been. There’s a mounting dread about the screaming match he’s about to have with his brothers (because he knows it’s coming). Guilt and shame over what he put his brothers through with his antics (because that haunted look is back in Scott’s eyes and Virgil hates that he put it there) battling a self-righteous assurance that he did the right thing in rescuing those kids. Embarrassment that he fucked up the one thing he thought he could do. Gnawing anxiety over nothing he can place specifically but it’s there and it’s overwhelming. Misery that he failed, yet again, sending him straight back to the pit he’d been stuck in before all of this happened.

Above everything though, spreading insidious arms and draping its poisonous cloak over all, is an exhaustion so intense and so absolute that Virgil does not want to exist. 

(God, he’s so tired). 

*

In the infirmary, Scott helps Virgil out of the exo suit at last, sucking in sharp breaths at the sight of his brother’s skin mottled purples and blues. 

(“Jesus fucking Christ, Virg”).

Scott is as gentle as possible whilst checking for cracked bones and yet Virgil still has to grit his teeth not to wince at his touch. Eventually, Scott seems satisfied with his findings - as satisfied as it’s possible to be when his younger brother looks like a messy oil painting of angry bruising - and allows Virgil back into a sitting position to run through some mental exercises. 

It’s as Virgil is answering Scott’s questions without complaint that John bursts through the doors, heading straight for Virgil like a missile. 

John grabs him by the shoulders and shakes, uncharacteristic panic blazing in his eyes. "What the hell, Virgil? It's never you! You're supposed to be the one I can trust not to pull stupid shit!”

“Johnny, you - you shouldn’t be up yet,” Virgil says weakly, “gravity-”

“No, you don’t get to tell me to take care of myself right now-”

“Less of the shaking please, John,” Scott cuts in. He’s taken a step back, arms folded. 

John nods, releasing Virgil apologetically, but the verbal assault continues. “What were you thinking? No, scratch that, you obviously weren’t thinking at all.” In contrast to Scott’s, John’s anger is quiet. Virgil would rather be shouted over by Scott than reprimanded by John any day; John knew exactly how to let you know that you had disappointed him. 

Virgil takes a deep breath in spite of this. “I was thinking that there were two people who needed to be saved.”

“Are you being serious? That’s your excuse for going in alone, without telling anyone where you were going or waiting for backup? That aftershock could have killed you, Virg.” John’s voice trembles and he swallows viciously. “For a moment, I was so afraid it had.”

There’s a pause, in which the guilt might swallow Virgil whole, chew him up, spit out his bloody remains before his brothers. There’s nothing he can say but Scott and John look so expectant that he feels compelled to justify himself.

“I didn’t know there would be an aftershock.” 

“That’s not the point, Virgil, and you know it!” Scott explodes. “You didn’t tell us what you were doing, you had nobody watching your back-”

“They were children. They were children and they needed me.”

“We need you.”

“Stop acting like you wouldn’t have done the same, Scott!” Virgil doesn’t know when they started shouting but now he can’t stop. “Don’t act like you haven’t pulled this shit on me a hundred times! Stop being such a goddamn hypocrite-”

“It’s not the same, Virgil. It’s just not.”

“Oh sure, because you’re Scott Tracy, you get to do whatever you like, fuck the consequences-”

“Because I have you watching my back,” Scott yells.

It all goes very quiet and Virgil’s mind is blank.

“What?” he whispers.

Scott looks physically pained, forcing his answer out like pulling glass from a wound. “I’m not saying it’s fair or right, Virg. But I know that whatever stupid thing I do, I have you stopping me from going too far. Pulling me out when it goes wrong. And I know it puts too much pressure on you, and I am sorry for that - I am. But what you did today - you didn’t let us help you. You didn’t let me help you.”

(This is about more than just today and Virgil can feel it in every exhausted cell of his body but fuck, he doesn’t have the energy to hash that out now. He just wants to go to bed and sleep and sleep (and never wake up?)).

John speaks up now, holding Virgil’s gaze with the same anger, only it’s not really anger, Virgil realises. It’s love, marred by fear and stress. “Going into that situation without backup was suicide, Virg.”

A pause. 

“I’m not - you don’t think that I’m -” Virgil splutters, though he doesn’t know if the denial is more for his benefit or theirs. They’re wrong, he’s sure of it, they have to be wrong.

“We - we know there’s something going on with you,” John says, glancing at Scott. “And - and after today, we’re even more worried.”

“We care about you, Virg.” Scott’s eyes are wide, pleading. “Why won’t you let us help you?”

(Because I despise every single thing about myself, but most of all how much I’m burdening you all. Because you deserve better than my weakness. Because it’s not worth it). 

(He says none of that, obviously. Even if he wanted to, his throat has gone dry and his brain seems to be stuck on John’s words like a scratched record).

He needs to get out.

The realisation sucks all the air from his lungs. 

Anxiety rising so fast he thinks he might be sick, Virgil stands. “I - I can’t -” (breathe)-

Shove past Scott and John who are looking at him with such lost expressions Virgil can’t bear it. Inhale around the tightening band of guilt and panic-

Almost at the door and they haven’t tried to stop him - he’s not sure why this hurts more than their protests would have. Exhale and feel lungs constrict even further-

He makes it to the door, and now, exit strategy in his grasp, he can breathe. He stops, one hand on the doorframe and half-turns. Scott’s eyes take on a hopeful gleam and Virgil feels terrible for being the one to stamp that out. “They were children. Tell me you wouldn’t have done the same.”

He doesn’t wait for a response, stumbling on autopilot back to his room, sinks down into his duvet and succumbs at last to the panic attack. 

When it’s done - for now, at least - he lies in his own sweat and taut muscles, drained in every sense of the word. 

What the fuck is he doing?

Virgil doesn’t understand why he’s pushing away all the people who love him, nor why the thought of exposing this ugly, aching part of himself to them is utterly unbearable. Existing like this - so miserably and shamefully - is unbearable and he can’t face it anymore. He wants to cry. His chest aches with it and yet he can’t even muster the energy to do that.

Instead he lies there for hours, mind racing with reminders of his uselessness, body aching from his failings, soul longing for an endless sleep. 

[majesticmarais]

Celebrity Crushing (D.S)

Summary:  Y/n’s celebrity crush and recent friend, Dylan O’Brien, strikes a hint of jealousy in her boyfriend, which leads to a heated argument

Warnings? Just some swearing as usual and I didn’t proof read so potential typos

Word Count: 2.1k

A/n: I haven’t written an imagine in literally FOREVER so this is probably actual garbage. Anywho I hope the few of you who are still active enjoy reading this :) I also have to redo the tag list because I forgot who’s on it so let me know if you want to be added!

"Do I look okay?” you asked Daniel when you saw his figure appear in the reflection behind you as you smoothed out the shirt you had just put on.

“Beautiful as always, where are you going?” he asked.

“Didn’t I already tell you?” you asked, being pretty sure you already mentioned your plans, “Dylan invited me over with some people, just a casual hang out.”

“So why do you care about looking good?” Daniel asked, laughing slightly as he rested his head on your shoulder, placing a gentle kiss in the crook of your neck.

“I don’t know, because they’re all like...popular and cooler than me,” you joked, turning around and getting your things ready to be able to go meet everyone.

“Not true, are really cool boyfriends allowed?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at you suggestively.

“I didn’t ask Dyl, but I could if you want me to,” you shrugged. 

Daniel felt a tinge of jealousy rise when he heard the nickname you had given to Dylan. He didn’t care that you were friends with other guys, you were super close with all the other band members and had guy friends of your own, but Dylan was different.

He had been your celebrity crush for the longest time. Being a huge fan of Teen Wolf and the Maze Runner series as well, Dylan O’Brien was someone you lowkey fangirled over, and Daniel knew it.

He never had a problem with it, because obviously everyone has celebrity crushes, and Daniel found it almost amusing how you reacted when you saw pictures or watched him on screen.

You had actually met Dylan for the first time a few months back at an event you both ended up being at. After talking there for a while, you both exchanged numbers and became friends.

Obviously you were ecstatic, and thought he was a really awesome person, but Daniel sometimes had different feelings towards the friendship you and Dylan had started.

“Dyl?” Daniel said under his breath, rolling his eyes a little. He noticed you didn’t hear him, and was sort of grateful for that in the moment.

“He says you can come,” you smiled, reaching your arm out to him, waiting for him to take your hand, “we have to go now though, I’m already gonna be late!”

Dylan opened his front door, cheering loudly when he saw you, pulling you into a tight hug, which you happily reciprocated.

“Hey Daniel,” he grinned, pulling Daniel in for a hug as well before stepping away from the doorway, letting you both through into the beautiful house. You admired the art hanging on the walls as you walked down the hall into the living room, where people were already sprawled out on couches, snacks and drinks in hand.

You and Daniel found a spot on the couch after greeting everyone who had already arrived, and picked up on the conversation they were having.

“Y/N I was actually telling them about when we first met and how we became friends and stuff,” Dylan said as he sat on the other side of you.

“Yeah definitely did not expect to actually become friends but I’m happy we did,” you grinned, hitting his side lightly with your elbow, earning a laugh from him in return.

Dylan grabbed the popcorn bowl you had placed on your lap, shoving a handful in his mouth.

“Asshole did I say you could take that?” you challenged. You reached over to grab it back but Dylan pulled it away, leaving it out of reach.

“I didn’t know I needed your permission,” Dylan teased and you reached again, being unable to reach it from where you were sitting.

You climbed over him, slightly sitting on his lap, grabbing the bowl and throwing a few pieces at his face before taking your spot back beside Daniel, who’s eyebrows were furrowed as he watched your interaction beside him.

“You’re such a shit,” you laughed as Dylan tossed a piece of popcorn back at you, a smirk dancing across his face.

Daniel stayed pretty quiet most of the time, and couldn’t help but get upset over you and Dylan. To him, it always seemed like you were teasing each other flirtatiously, and you had so much to say and laughed at everything Dylan said. Daniel felt as if you forgot he was even there sitting next to you, except for the few times he joined in conversations or you turned back to give him a smile.

You, on the other hand, didn’t think anything of it, but noticed after a while that Daniel was being unusually quiet, and he wasn’t often shy in social situations like this one.

“What’s up?” you mumbled to him, making sure no one was able to hear, but everyone else was talking, so you knew there wouldn’t be a problem.

“Nothing,” he shrugged, not really wanting to get into it because he knew it was stupid for him to be upset over something like this.

“I know you, Danny, it’s not nothing,” you sighed, not wanting him to be passive aggressive with you even though that’s the way things usually started out with him.

“We don’t have to talk about it here,” he replied softly, brushing it off.

“Okay, well we’re leaving soon anyway so we can talk about it then,” you told him before your name was called by someone who was bringing up a funny memory, so your focused returned back on the rest of the group, your hand resting on Daniel’s thigh.

The care ride home was basically silent except for the radio that played lowly in the background. Despite it being set to a low volume, the sound consumed the car, when usually that consuming sound would be the conversations between you and Daniel, or your voice singing at the top of your lungs.

You waited until the two of you walked inside to bring it up to him, knowing you couldn’t let this go anymore. Clearly something was bothering him enough to not even speak on the drive home, and you needed to know what it was.

“Daniel, seriously, just tell me what’s wrong,” you told him, trying to hide the hint of annoyance threatening to be heard in your voice.

“I don’t like him,” Daniel muttered as he disappeared into the kitchen to get water.

You followed, sighing to yourself as you asked who he was talking about even though you felt as though you already knew what his answer would be.

And you were right,

“Why don’t you like Dylan? He’s great,” you asked him, not understanding how their encounter went wrong in any way, and it wasn’t Daniel’s first time meeting him either.

“I don’t like how he is with you,” Daniel specified, looking down at his feet as he shifted his weight back and forth.

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“He flirts with you all the time, and not only do you let him, but you do it right back,” he told you, a sense of irritation shining through as he spoke.

Before you could say anything, he continued.

“It’s as if I’m not even there and I’m especially not your boyfriend. Everything he says is SO funny and it’s like ‘oh my god Dylan you’re hilarious let me ruffle your hair or sit on your lap’“ Daniel spat.

“Okay woah,” you stopped him, lifting your hands up to stop him from going further, “you’re being ridiculous right now you know he’s just my friend.”

“Really? Do friends really act like that, Y/n?” Daniel asked, his voice raising slightly, but he wasn’t screaming, he almost never yelled at you, which you were happy about.

“Yes they do, Daniel! I literally act the exact same way with Jonah, Corbyn, Jack and Zach!” you defended, starting to get annoyed at the way he was acting.

“Its different!” he retaliated.

“How, Daniel? Please fucking educate me,” you spat, crossing your arms over your chest as you looked at him, waiting for a proper explanation that was somewhat reasonable.

���Because I know you find him attractive and have been basically in love with him for years!” Daniel said back, throwing his hands up in frustration as he expressed his feelings.

“Oh my god Daniel so what if I had a little celebrity crush on him, would I freak out every single time you spoke to an attractive and sweet celebrity? It’s platonic Daniel you’re being stupid,” you said, trying to remain calm even though you felt your anger rising.

“Oh so I’m stupid?” he asked.

“Yeah, right now you are. You’re being stupid by thinking I’m flirting with Dylan when I’m literally just trying to be friends with someone who I like to hang out with. It’s not that deep, you’re looking so far into every little move and this new possessive shit isn’t a good look on you,” you replied, not wanting to look into his eyes.

“What’s going on?” you heard a familiar voice say from behind you, and you noticed Jonah when you turned around, his eyebrows furrowed as he heard the last part of your conversation.

“Nothing,” you sighed, “I’m going upstairs.”

“Be careful Jonah,” you added, putting your hand on his shoulder and looking back at Daniel, “I might suck your dick because I laugh when you say something funny,” you said sarcastically, scoffing as you walked off, leaving the boys in the kitchen.

“What was that?” Jonah asked, feeling even more confused now than when he first walked in.

“Nothing,” Daniel groaned, “I got mad at her because we went to Dylan’s house and I got jealous.”

“Dude,” Jonah sighed, trying to hide a small laugh from escaping him.

“Go talk to her,” Jonah urged, “don’t be mad over a dude she’s friends with. She’s dating you, man, not him. You aren’t like this with the rest of us when we’re with her, so don’t be that way about him either.”

Daniel took Jonah’s advice and thanked him before jogging upstairs, opening the door a crack to look for you, and saw you lying on your stomach on your bed, head resting on the pillow.

“Can we talk?” Daniel asked as he walked in, “less petty and angry this time.”

“Whatever,” you muttered into your pillow, moving over so Daniel could sit next to you, which he did.

“Look, I’m sorry baby, I know I was stupid,” Daniel started, knowing he needed to give up the fight if he wanted any chance of you forgiving him in the near future.

“I just got upset because he was your celebrity crush and we always made jokes that you would leave me for him if he asked you to. I guess it was more insecurity than jealousy. I don’t hate him, in fact I think he’s awesome, and that makes me worried you’ll stop loving me because you love him,” Daniel confessed, not liking revealing his true feelings to you, but he knew it had to be done.

“Daniel, those are just jokes, you know that,” you started, “you know I would never actually leave you for Dylan O’Brien, he’s amazing, yeah, and I’m really happy I get to build a friendship with him but I would never choose him over you.”

“Really?” Daniel asked. This time the question wasn’t aggressive and challenging, but soft and full of hope.

“Really,” you confirmed, “you’re the one I love, Daniel. Yeah he’s my friend and was my celebrity crush but he’s just a friend, you have nothing to worry about. But you can’t do this every time I see him because I do want to be friends with him and you need to support that.”

“I do, I do support that,” Daniel nodded, “I don’t know I guess watching you guys today got the better of me. You have the right to be friends with whoever you want, don’t listen to your idiot boyfriend.”

“We all doubt ourselves sometimes, Danny, it’s okay. I’m sorry for getting angry too instead of just listening. Let’s not fight about this okay, this isn’t us,” you comforted, reaching out to take his hand into yours.

“Fight over,” he agreed, pressing a kiss to your temple before moving down to your lips. The kiss was full of love and forgiveness, and you knew everything was okay.

“Dylan O’Brien is hot as fuck though you have to admit,” you joked, winking at Daniel before he pushed you, letting a laugh out.

“Honestly, Y/n, I would have to agree.

Tags: @poutyavery @samithepixie @essentialseavey @corbynscabbitch @whydontwe-fanfics (I DID IT!!) @jackaverybabe @ijustreallylovethem @lovableherron @zaddydaniel @blueeyedbesson 

[akurathereaper]

❣️💗🖤💜 ewyn?

Since this is going to be a bit longer, all answers are under the cut!!

When did your OC first realize they were in love? How did they react to the realization?

(I apologize for how shoddily Airell is sketched)

     So basically, for both of them, it was a slow burn, the slowest of burns, since at first Airell was really cold toward Ewyn, and Ewyn didn’t know how to deal with the fact there was a sylvari that he didn’t “hear” (for those who do not know: Ewyn’s connection to the Dream is so strong that he sometimes “loses” himself in others of his kind. Since that happens, he isolates himself on an island near the Grove and sells medicine and herbs, working as a mender for those who are really fucked up. He doesn’t get visitors often and is a complete social wreck)

     Ewyn didn’t realize he started falling in love until they both were deep in it, for Airell, he kept denying it because he was still getting over his ex and the whole “I’m an Elder Dragon now, I must brood” thingo, while Ewyn was a first timer into the “Is this love, or is this just fantasy”. He was actually getting a bit scared that he wanted to get close to Airell in both physical and not physical way. 

     Everyone who came to Ewyn’s island when those two were there instantly thought they were dating, but the two didn’t even confess first. It was incredible.

Describe your OC’s partner from their point of view! What do they really think about them?

     A tough nut! There’s a lot of things Ewyn loves about Airell, and a lot that he’s not so hot about, as is in any relationship.

     Airell keeps things in, he’s the personification of that John Mulaney bit of “I keep all my emotions in here, and then one day, I die.”  It sometimes gets on Ewyn’s nerves, since he can’t just “read” it out of him from the Dream. 

     He loves that he can’t hear Airell, but in the tiniest of way, it saddens him he can’t really understand Airell through that bond he shares with everyone else. But it’s what makes them able to be together, and Ewyn knows that deep down. It’s just that he wishes Airell talked to him more about his problems.

    They both share love of food and cooking, although Airell is the one who cooks the main meals, while Ewyn is mostly the baker and brewer. When they work together in the kitchen, their synergy is perfect and Ewyn always has a lot of fun. He also loves when Airell comes to help him with carrying stuff around, especially heavy bags and stuff (I mean, have you seen Ewyn’s arms? Twigs, I tell ya, twigs), and he’s always enthusiastic of sharing interesting bits about the herbs and flowers around. He hopes Airell doesn’t mind that he rants about them a lot. 

     From the physical pov, Airell could look anyhow, and Ewyn would still like him, but there are perks of Airell being a stronk boi. Mainly that Ewyn gets to be carried around *wink wonk* and more. Somewhere inside he’s also deeply satisfied they “fit” together, since he’s a rose and Airell has thorns, he finds poetry in that.

Have they ever had a really bad argument where they almost broke up?

     Well, not broke up, but it was pretty serious, when one thinks about it.

     This was after some time passed from Ewyn’s kidnapping by Joko, Airell’s outing as harboring good ol’ daddy Mordy, and them coming out as “I love you.” “I know.” thing. 

     Airell was allowed to stay with Ewyn, since Ewyn would be the one that would firstly know if Airell was becoming second Mordremoth (and also because Akura, the Commander, owed Ewyn a life debt). Since this was years after Mordremoth’s death and Maguuma Jungle’s “was freed”, Airell wanted to go check on his family, the Itzel frogs in Verdant Brink and to go to the Ameyalli festival, but he refused to bring Ewyn along for one good reason.

     Mordrem kept running around in that Jungle, and if one got close enough, there was a good chance Ewyn was gonna go insane from the sheer mind pressure of them. He knows that because Ewyn was exposed to a mordrem before and it took him days to fully recover from it, mentally.

     Ewyn argued he wasn’t a little princess to be guarded and kept alone for his safety, but Airell stood his ground, and refused to risk it. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something happened to Ewyn because he allowed him to tag along.

     The argument spiralled out of control and both of them did the “I will shut this door with more force than normal to showcase how angry I am you don’t understand my point” and Airell left for the festival, making sure to ask the Wardens in the Grove to keep an eye on Ewyn. He was fully convinced Ewyn would try to follow him. The fact that he basically imprisoned him in his own home made Ewyn even more furious, and after like a month or two when Airell came back, you bet they had a long, long talk about doing such a thing.

     Airell had singed hair for weeks.

Give a random fact about their daily life together!

     Well, this would be more like a continuation of the above answer.

     The next year, Airell gave in and brought Ewyn with him to the festival of  Ameyalli, and to introduce him to everyone in there. 

     Everyone in the tribe absolutely adored Ewyn, for two reasons:

1) he’s adorable as heck

2) he kept up with their talks about potions and herbs and poisons

     They grown to like him so fast Airell was astonished, and one could say, he was super relieved, because if they didn’t like one another…. well, I’m sure you all know how awkward it is between your SO and family if they don’t fancy each other.

     They stayed there for a long time, did the yeehoo by the altar because Airell is classy, made friends, and came back, without an incident. Also they taught Ewyn new swear words and taught him how to drink. Airell wasn’t sure how to handle that, and now he had to think of how to explain to others that Ewyn called them a cunt in frog language.

      And that’s that! Lotsa words, less pictures, but this was a smth I don’t have the skill with to sum up in a few sketches.

If you wanna know more about others too, just drop an ask! I’m always available up for it, even though it might take a while.

also sorry if some sentences are weird or there are typos I didn’t notice

[firebirdsdaughter]

Hey…

… Hey, wireless?

F YOU.

Okay. Thank god for common sense. I accidentally lost my post bc my wireless conked out.

HOWEVER!

I was wise, and copied the contents. so we have lost nothing but the tags. Which weren’t that interesting any way.

So here we go!

In no order: (also, I apologise for any typos my fingers decided they wanted to type a mile a minute… DX)

Aw, Naohisa (still thinking I’m spelling his name wrong) is giving them science lessons…

That Melto loves and Asuna doesn’t get… XD It’s okay Asuna, I’m not sure I understand, either.

Melto’s so starry-eyed, gods love him. XD

ASUNA.

Aw, Tyramigo. It’s okay, Melto, he doesn’t mean it meanly. ^^

They’re really cute though. XD

I guess Kou got the idea to see the world in his head from watching tv…

But I feel like there are better places to get into the river than jumping over this railing…

THAT LITTLE BLINK BEFORE HE SAYS ‘209’ XD

He’s clearly got no idea why that’s shocking. ^^

UI DON’T JUST ACCEPT THIS! DX

I guess she decided that she couldn’t really tell a 209 year old what to do…

This episode officially made me conclude that Ui and Touwa are the smols. They’re the youngest of the siblings. Kou is next, then Melto and Asuna are like… Twins who are slightly older than him. No one can agree which one of them is older. Banba is obviously the eldest and stuck managing them. Maybe until Gold gets here. Unless he’ll have to manage Gold, too.

Touwa’s fast, but Banba outweighs him… A for effort, though, sweetie. <3

To continue reading foreshadowing in everything… I wonder if Touwa commenting he doesn’t think Banba can lose in one v one means we’re eventually going to see just that happen.

Or, potentially, maybe Banba did once lose to someone in one v one?

Or both?

Touwa, honey, I just want you to know I very much support the concept of you and the others just tackling your brother. Like Merry and Pippin w/ Boromir. Just jump him. He could use the hugs.

Banba gazes majestically off into the distance as he prepares to be angsty.

Banba: ‘People will always betray you.’

Me: ‘Who did this to you? SHOW ME SO I CAN STAB THEM W/ THIS FORK TEN MILLION TIMES???’

I so want whoever hurt him like this to be an absolute dickwad and I want to see them get their asses kicked, esp by some truly pissed off little sibs.

By Banba, too, absolutely. But I would kill for an ep where the kids find out what this person did and go on a roaring rampage of protectiveness for their big brother. TT^TT DX

Touwa definitely doesn’t know what happened… DX I think he knew Banba was distrusting towards others and very much a loner, but he looks so sad and confused that I don’t think he knew it went this deep…

I wanna hug my little green gremlin son, too! DX I WANNA HUG ALL OF THEM!

Eh. I’m sure she’s fine.

Mook suit actors, the unsung heroes of any and all Sentai. XD

Hey, Green final slash! And Black again. ^^

XD Touwa. Banba’s just like ‘irritated growl.’ ^^

I’m… Pretty sure Ui just insulted this guy…?

Okay, here’s the thing. I don’t see nobody glowing green and losing life force. So… Did they just decide not to put that effect in, or… Or did the Minusaur actually come from someone else?

Like… Tall Cheese?

Ahem. Sorry. I mean Fita.

Though she’s not glowing either… Augh. I dunno what I’m saying.

Why would they chain up Ui, but not Kou?

Well done, Kou. ^^ Boy’s clever is a fight. XD

… What the heck was that boise and dramatic shot of her face? Where they just trying to remind us she’s an idol? I think it happened when the brothers find her, too… Does it mean something? Hmm… I dunno.

Kou’s reaction is hilarious, though.

Ui’s neck is gonna hurt later… DX

Okay, but later the brothers wake her up just fine? I guess the effects were only temporary… That’s probably why they chained them up, so that they couldn’t escape even when they woke up.

And… Kou’s sense ends here. Why didn’t you call the others, you dork? XD

Hmm… I miss Tankjoh, but I kinda like the new guy’s music…

I think he’s meant to be a drastically different personality. Where Tankjoh was surly and serious, this guy is bombastic and childish.

These are the most badass children I have ever seen.

Actually, that’s not true, but, they’re up there.

I’m wonder if it’s an effect of the brainwashing.

I love that girl in the lavender sweatshirt who just goes for the spinning kick. XD

Touwa probably bothered Banba until he agreed to bring her here. XD Which may have been easier bc Banba probably didn’t want to have to deal w/ her…

Melto thinking ‘oh, crap, she’s pretentious, the only way we’re gonna get her to talk is… *sigh* okay, someone has to take this bullet, it might as well be me…’

Honestly, though, I think the only other person who would possibly be willing to do that is Touwa, and probably not. Asuna wasn’t taking well to getting ordered around, and Banba would never kneel to anyone (… Well… Actually, no comment). My interpretation is that Melto realises she’s rather high and mighty, and that she’ll respond to an act of 'reverence’ like that, and he knows no one else in the room is gonna be willing to do it w/out complaining. So he just steps in to save them all the trouble. Mom friend to the rescue.

Honestly, it’s very sensible of him. ^^

I need to write more w/ Melto… DX

Banba is the back modelling. Bc boy can’t be in a single scene where he isn’t posing in some way at every opportunity.

XD I WAS RIGHT. ^^

Sorry Short Cheese, Banba doesn’t care if you think he has manners (I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to ditch her in the forest earlier XD). Touwa looks slightly miffed, but I think he’s less effected by it coming from you. The only one you’re offending is Asuna. And, actually, I’d advise against that.

Hey, isn’t Asuna also technically a noble?

Asuna’s like ‘First off, how dare you? Second, how dare you? And third… How dare you?’

XD This is even funnier bc of one of my casual ships. ^^

Melto hates this so much, but he’s willing to do it to find out what’s happening. XD Poor baby.

Oh, okay. So the mind control is just his thing.

This is so vague I can’t trust it… I mean, I guess most of it could be on the level, but… Hm. I gotta wonder if they were allowed to escape… And what exactly he’s got on them to have them still be doing this? (Bc next ep pretty much reveals they’re trying to trick the team) Is Short Cheese mind controlled? Is Tall Cheese? They repeat her ‘I would risk my own life to save her’ twice this ep, so I’m guessing Tall Cheese/little sister’s life is still in danger somehow…? I dunno. I guess we’ll learn this weekend.

So… What, you can just teleport? Why didn’t you do that when you were running before? SUSPICIOUS?

Also, I’m not sure I trust these flashbacks either, bc they’re from Short Cheese’s point of view, and next ep indicates she wasn’t being on the level w/ the team. I mean, she’s holding that orange rock in a bottle… But… Did it come from her planet? Is it something they stole from the Druidons? Or is there a part of this story that was left out (actually, that much is obvious bc Short Cheese didn’t mention the rock at all), where the Druidon gave it to her? Too many variables, even if I didn’t know they were up to something.

I should note that it’s pretty obvious they’re not actually evil and are being forced into doing this. They’re only here as guest stars and they’re being promoted as being idols (exhibit A, the abrupt song sequence coming up), so I HIGHLY doubt they’re gonna pull out the rug and make them outright evil.

And, anyway, the next ep preview practically confirms that. XD

Girl in the lavender sweatshirt is ready to kill something, I swear.

I also like the boy in the burgundy and white sweatshirt. XD He’s paying such good attention. ^^

Asuna’s offended, Melto’s somewhere else thinking about Wyzul, Banba doesn’t care and Touwa’s in. XD

Touwa clearly here thinking ‘dear god, I know I never want to go through that… O_o’

Honey, I am so sorry, but I make no promises. DX

That’s a very direct question, but no less then I’d expect from Banba. Though also… Kinda odd? What are you trying to establish here, sweetie? Why are you asking this?

This line is very important, clearly. They repeat it twice. Pretty sure it’s to make us understand that whatever is going on next ep, it’s bc the sisters are trying to protect each other. Like I said, I’m presuming that Tall Cheese is actually still in danger somehow.

WHAT WAS HE TRYING TO ESTABLISH W/ THAT QUESTION? And then he just accepts her answer? I’m confused…

I really can’t tell if he’s finding something odd w/ this, or if he’s accepting it bc he’s sympathising w/ her… DX Tatsuya is being unreadable too well! DX

And then she… Just starts singing? Like, I love this show, but… There could’ve been a better lead up to that.

Though I do love Naohisa reacting to the lights. XD

So… Was this just a random musical interlude, or… Was she doing something? I guess it was so that Kou could hear it and make the connection, but the execution could have gone a little better.

Banba takes that extra moment to pose. XD

Untransformed fight! ^^

I love how Banba just delays transforming to take off. :D

I needed to use a new emoticon.

Kou’s little ‘Ah!’ and pointing when the kids show up! XD

Girl in the lavender sweatshirt is going to cut something.

See, this is an effective use of the singing.

Uh… What. Melto, what does that… Whatever. Sentai logic.

Now he says ‘Okay, Tyra!’ instead of just ‘Tyra!’

SOMEONE TEACH HIM TOUWA AND BANBA’S NAMES!

Banba would be SO AWKWARD. XD

Oh, NOW you transform. XD Well, we wouldn’t have had that beautiful weapon toss if you had before. ^^

See? We bring up the line again, and there’s a weird sound cue? Does it mean anything?

Touwa sees the other smollest sib and must immediately go help her. XD

I do like the improve mobility of this mech. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adored the clusterfuck of orbs that was the Kyuranger mecha, but… It’s nice to seem something more dynamic once in a while?

Kudos the new suit actor, too. Whose name still escapes me… DX

Convenient train tracks. XD Sentai logic.

Actually, just Toku logic.

I love MirNeedle and his honk and his spinning attack. XD

Could you be more tsundere in one sentence???

Touwa’s just like ‘stages of realising your brother is a tsundere, stage 3: acceptance’

Kou doesn’t mind, though. XD

I do think Banba is starting to kind of like the trio, but boy is very damaged and the concept scares him, so he’s trying to fight it as much as possible, even though it’s just kind of a slight, vague fondness at this point.

Like, eventually, he’s going to end up adopting them, it’s going to happen, he’s going to have at least four younger sibs, actually five. But we’re not there quite yet.

I would love a ‘we’re not each other’s only family anymore’ sort of thing from the brothers. Or maybe one of the trio telling them that. XD

One day, a Mosasaurus will be in that empty spot, I bet.

Melto and Banba on the same wavelength. ^^

So… The Minusaur host is dead now?

This is cute, but I already know there’s more to this.

XD Oh, Banba. You’re starting to like them, I know you are. You’re not getting out of this. Though I do get why you really don’t want that to happen.

Though I do think his getting emotional next week is a partially due to it. ^^ Like, yes, there’s the fact that he’s mad at Kou for being too trusting, and that it might be dangerous for all of them/earth, but… I dunno. Probably overthinking.

But I’m gonna wax on about that shot in the preview later, don’t worry. XD

Or worry, if you don’t want to hear my rambling. In… Which case why would you even be reading this.

Melto on point again. XD I really need to write more w/ you… DX

Though on the other hand, I guess there’s a possibility that she could have read it in Naohisa’s papers at the house, or he said it to her. But she didn’t seem interested in the research, and they could just ask Naohisa if he mentioned it.

Hm… Maybe they’re waiting to update the ED until Gold gets here.

Why does Kou have the inflation Soul activated?

… That sounds like he knows way  more about economics than he actually does. XD

As far as the preview, I like the drama that seems to be happening. ^^ Maybe they’ll finally give us some slightly more concrete info on what happened to Banba. Or just… Anything about the brothers’ past? And what about that hooded person? The sisters are up to something, but they’re obviously being forced into it somehow, Wyzul is definitely the sneaky type. We’re also heading into May, which means DimeVolcano and possibly Gaisorg/Gaisoulg? Though he wasn’t in any of the scans so even if his figurine is releasing, we likely won’t be seeing him until the very end/month after.

Pleasedon’tbeGoldpleasedon’tbeGoldpleasedon’tbeGold.

There are so many better possibilities. DX I know who I want it to be (even though I don’t strictly know ‘who’ that is XD), but there are other possibilities too.

And while I would like to see next ep, I am also curious about the arc coming after it. I really wanna know if my crazed visual analysis madness was right about it only being the kids who are trapped in Wonderland and Banba is trying to get them out. I wanna know.

Hm… Does anyone know where the ‘newspaper summaries’ come from? Like, we got the ones from 5 to 7… Are we gonna get ones for 8 to 11 at some point?

I am an impatient baby. DX ^^;

That’s all folks! Virtual chocolate eclairs for anyone who read all that. But, actually, that’s not all! I still wanna ramble about something—namely, and silly personal theory/hc of mine.

Bc of this face:

Okay, so. During that conversation where Banba did the whole ‘Kindness can make one weak’ thing, I mentioned that I found Kou’s reaction interesting? Bc it might’ve been in his characterisation to get mad and insist that kindness does not make people weak—esp since he clearly still doesn’t think that. But instead, he just looked a little hurt, and looked sad? Like… It seemed to me he was more saddened that Banba thought that way at all than being offended by the statement. Not ‘how could you think that?!’ but more… Like ‘that’s so sad that you’ve been made to believe that?’ If that makes sense? That somehow, Kou caught on that Banba has this view bc he was hurt terribly in the past? And then there’s this face here. Boy looks like a sad puppy. It’s totally my skewed interpretation bc I had that thought before, but to me it looks like he’s looking at Banba like… Empathetically? Like he pities him? So now I’m falling even deeper into the idea that Kou doesn’t find Banba’s distrust of others insulting of offensive in anyway, but is just sad for the fact that someone could come to think that way. Realises that Banba is like this bc he got hurt and is scared, and is just heartbroken by that? That someone could get hurt so badly that they lose faith in nearly all goodness in the world? I might like it if there’s a moment where Kou proves he’s more thoughtful than he seems (like, he can be thoughtful, he has his moments—though he is still an impulsive, goofy doofus) by, like, outright asking Banba what happened to him. That’d def throw Banba for a loop, I think. This is, of course, just my overthinking and incoherent rambling. But I do like the idea. ^^ Last note: my god Tatsuya has pretty eyelashes! DX

[treehugginglibrarian]

My Nana is Why I’m Like This

Writing about my Nana is hard, because our relationship was at times hard. I think anyone with an alcoholic or an addict in the family can relate to that. I learned a fair many lessons from her over the years, all of them useful even if not all of them were lessons that were learned in an enjoyable manner. That said, lessons are not what I want to think about just yet. Yes, she was flawed. When she was in a good place, though, and at her best, she was a truly wonderful human. For now, at least, for the few minutes it takes to write each of these pieces, I’m going to let myself pretend that this lovely person is all that ever existed of my Nana. To that, I offer some of her more poignant, thoughtful, or generally amusing moments.

Blankie

When I was a baby, basically everyone in my life lived in Massachusetts, as did I. My Nana lived in a nice house in Richmond with her husband at the time. Whenever we would visit, my mother would put a blanket down on the couch so as to ensure that if I puked, or drooled, or spit up, or just did baby-things in my sleep, my Nana’s couch would be safe. Apparently, after so many months of this, I eventually decided the blanket I was laying on was “mine.”

My mother found this out when she tucked it into a closet after we got home one evening, and I started to cry. She opened the closet and I stopped. Close: Cry. Open: Stop. When she walked me into the closet, I apparently pulled the blanket in question off the shelf, stuck my thumb in my mouth, and settled down. I had a blankie. While this was fine for sleeping and such, my mother was a little concerned. Not because blankets are inherently bad, as even back then there were psychological studies showing that children with comfort toys were actually better adjusted than those without. No, she was worried about more practical matters. Such as laundry day. Or if the damned thing should happen to go missing.

Enter my Nana, to save the day.

My Nana had not found the “original” blankie, but she was who found the “spare” that, excepting the overall color, was exactly identical to the one I used every night. So it was that on most days and nights I could be found dragging around a pink and white gingham and flower print blankie, as though it was a fifth limb. On occasion, however, this blanket would be replaced with one that was yellow. So that the pink one could get washed. Until, at the age of 13 or so, an age at which most normal humans would have long since stopped carting a blanket anywhere, I did something crazy: I retired the pink blankie. Torn to bits and more patchwork than blanket, it was time.

My yellow blanket took over, full time, moving into the task like the champ that it was. Sporting little more wear or tear than a grey foot print from a porch painting incident, this blanket has incidentally been a fair many places with me. It went away to college with me. It moved to Israel with me. It deployed to Iraq with me. It is the blanket I have cried into over failed relationships, fucked up friendships, and fights with my mom. And, yes, it was the blanket I sobbed into when I fully realized that I was never going to see my Nana again.

As for how this came to be… My mother watched a young boy have his comfort object taken away when it was done to one of her babysitting charges. She swore that, even if his parents didn’t realize it, he was never completely the same. Comfort objects are constants. Present when distance, disagreements, or death separate us from the people who matter most. She swore then and there, well before she’d ever read any research reinforcing her opinion, that she would never do that to her child. Which is how I was a 24-year-old Army Officer who ended up taking a blanket to Iraq with me. It’s also probably why I have a stuffed cow that’s been to more countries than most humans I know.

Shirley Temples

I have an absurd fondness for Shirley Temples. That’s not a typo in which I pluralized a child actress, nor is it a reference to a rather fun tap dance step. No, it’s a reference to a non-alcoholic mixed drink typically made with Sprite or 7-Up, grenadine, and cherries. Mind you, I don’t much care for Sprite, 7-Up, or maraschino cherries on their own. But mixed with grenadine and presented to me on a special occasion, my brain is convinced it is the best thing ever.

This is completely my Nana’s fault.

As a child, I was fascinated by the glasses that my Nana’s drinks came in. I was disinterested in the drinks themselves, as they smelled funny, but I liked the glasses. They were so fancy and grown up, and everything you said seemed more important if you were holding one. To that end, my Nana took to ordering me a Shirley Temple in a martini glass whenever we were out for a special occasion, that way I could feel important and profound just like the grown ups.

It didn’t take long for special occasions with my Nana to translate into special occasions of all sorts, and for the glass shape to stop mattering quite so much. As I got older, Shirley Temples became my go-to drink if I was out with friends, out for a celebration, or at a wedding, and I knew I should’t be drinking alcohol. Yes, yes, I have been introduced to the “Dirty Shirley” and, while I find the drink amusing, I prefer wine, whiskey, or bourbon if I want actual alcohol.

At a bar after a car accident a few years ago, I asked the bartender if he could make me a Shirley Temple (I was on concussion protocol, no alcohol for at least two weeks), and he found the request so endearing he refused to charge me for it. And, no, he actually wasn’t hitting on me. When I asked him how much it was, his response was, “No charge. That’s the cutest drink I’ve made in weeks. The chance to be a kid at work doesn’t have a price tag attached.”  

Courtesy of my Nana’s desire to include me when I was a small child, a simple drink now has dozens of happy memories attached to it and has become a tradition so ingrained that I genuinely cannot think of the word “celebration” without thinking of Shirley Temples. Someday, when my nieces or nephews get married, I’m gonna be that eccentric 50-some-year old woman sitting there with my rainbow hair and my excessive glitter, sipping a bright pink drink.

My Nana would approve.

Scotland

When I was nearly 7, my Nana whisked me away on a near empty flight to a beautiful land of greenery, castles, and grey skies, so we could celebrate my birthday. It was October, so the British Isles weren’t exactly a cheery place to be. It was of no matter to me, though. Every part of the trip, from the passport to the money to the fact that my Scottish great aunt and uncle did not understand the purpose of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, was fascinating to my tiny little brain.

From the moment we landed, I found the “strangeness” of Scotland to be intensely intriguing. I was amused by the fact that my great uncle’s car had the steering wheel on the “wrong” side. I was baffled by the idea that buildings as old as the castles we toured could possibly be standing still. I was mesmerized by the sheer amount of red hair, something I almost never saw back home unless I was looking in a mirror or looking at my mom.

My great aunt Nan was in the beginning stages of what would eventually become dementia, which meant I was eternally referred to as Tammy (my mom’s nickname) and often asked about memories of a childhood I hadn’t lived. I eventually stopped correcting her and, instead, goaded her into telling me about these memories. It’s a sneaky way to learn about your mother’s childhood that only a child can cheekily get away with!

On my birthday, she made me a giant fluffy cake that was covered in bright pink, strawberry icing, and put zero limitations on how much of it I could eat. There was always tea, always, which went a long way towards explaining how my mother had ended up passionately obsessed with the stuff. Presented to me with honey and cream in it, I came home with a new appreciation for my mother’s preferred beverage.

At a tea shop, having no idea what any of the desserts or cakes were, I asked the person taking our order to bring me their favorite. Thus, at the age of 7, I was introduced to scones. Which I described as “cookie biscuits,” because they were too fluffy to be one and too sweet to be the other. I still enjoy them immensely, but only with tea, and I still think they’re technically “cookie biscuits.”

My Nana taught me at a young age that it was not only okay to be curious about the things you didn’t understand, it was okay to go explore them. To ask questions. To try new things. Nearly 30 years after this first adventure overseas, I still travel in much the same way. With a curiosity that is intent on learning about the country and the culture I’m momentarily immersing myself in, a desire to find out what the locals like best, and a fondness for trying all of the hot beverages and desserts humanly possible while there.  

Glow-in-the-Dark

Me: Nana, do you remember that time Aunt Anita asked me about blowjobs? Nana: *snort of laughter* Yes, of course I do. You were 14 and you were mortified.

This recollection, gifted to a darkened bedroom in my step-great-grandmother’s house in Montauk, called to mind an event two year’s prior. While visiting relatives in Cape Cod, my great Aunt Anita had asked me if I put condoms on men before giving them blowjobs. Before anyone freaks out, she was on the older side, had never met me before, and probably had no idea that I was only 14 at the time.

My mother was somewhere between mortified, furious, and amused. My Nana laughed and explained that, as her granddaughter was only 14, it was actually pretty unlikely I had given all that many blowjobs in my life. My great aunt looked at me expectantly  and, when I nodded the affirmation that my Nana was correct, she sighed and patted my hip. “Child,” she said, “don’t make them wear them.” She raised a finger in the air to emphasize her next point, “it’s not about them, mind you. It’s just that the only thing that tastes worse than a dick, is lubricated latex.”

The more you know, I suppose.

(It is worth noting that I have no idea how this conversation started. I walked downstairs for a glass of water and simply found myself being asked about blowjobs. I like to imagine my great aunt would be entertained to know I’ve given up on dicks entirely.)

Anyway, lying in the dark in Montauk two years later, still having never given a blowjob, I offered my Nana this tidbit: I found out they make flavored condoms. That would solve Aunt Anita’s problem! Nana: *hilarious laughter* I’ll be sure to tell her that the next time I talk to her! Me: They also make glow-in-the-dark ones. Though I feel like that would be a little too much like turning a penis into a lightsaber. Nana: *contemplative silence* Sweetheart, if you need it to glow in the dark, you need more than just a condom I think.

I offer no wisdom or insight gleaned from this exchange. I know only that for years to come afterwards, if either of us noticed something truly absurd while out and about together, we’d point at it and just mutter “look, a glow-in-the-dark condom,” and the other would know exactly what we meant.

Charming the ROTC

“We’re going to Daytona Beach. You should come. We’re gonna stop in Fort Meyers so George can see her great aunt or something.”

So began my spring break trip my sophomore year of college. The only year that I went on what most would consider a “typical” spring break trip, as the two years after that I traveled via the geography department on my campus. Since my Nana lived quite close to Fort Meyers, we figured it only appropriate to stop in and say ‘hi’ to her while we were in the area. Which is how she ended up with 8 or 10 ROTC cadets showing up on her doorstep crazy early in the morning on an April day.

We had set out quite early the day prior intending to drive all the way through. The end state was that we ended up arriving at like 6am or something. Blessedly my Nana was still an early riser, so she welcomed us all in and got us settled with showers and naps. She stuck around much of the afternoon, keeping us company while we splashed in the pool, getting to know the boy I was dating at the time, and peppering my college friends with questions about pretty much anything she wanted.

They were wholly charmed, with at least one of them threatening to steal her away and make her an honest woman. Again.

Come evening, not wanting to witness the debauchery or “get in the way,” she headed a couple doors down to stay with a friend. She’d pointed us in the direction of the wine bottles and the glasses, asking only that we not ransack the expensive stuff, and making a remark about the cleaner being in the day after tomorrow.

I’m not certain what she’d expected to find when she came back the next day, early afternoon, but I don’t think a nearly spotless apartment was it. I had awoken to one of my friends vacuuming. Someone else was scrubbing a bathroom. A third person was unloading a dishwasher that I’d drunkenly loaded and run the night prior. I began stripping beds and doing laundry. By noon or so that day, when she came back over intending to say goodbye as we made our way a touch up the coast to George’s great aunt, the apartment was cleaner than when we’d gotten there.

Naturally, my Army buddies were welcome to come back to visit her any time they wanted. Though O’Dell did get warned that if he asked her to marry him again she was probably going to say yes and that would make things super awkward for me!

I think we’d all have been that polite and respectful of anyone we were visiting. I also think that my Nana made it easier, though, just by being herself. She was the type of person you wanted to be good to. Exuberant from the moment we walked in the door, ever the charmer, ever the entertainer, and wanting only for everyone around her to have fun. It was a simple task to want to repay that kind of energy, even if only in the form of a super clean apartment.

Swimming with Dolphins

Have you ever gotten sun poisoning?

No? You’re a sane and normal human for whom sunscreen is sufficient protection against the big orange ball in the sky? Fuck you and your melanin, I hate you both.

I have gotten sun poisoning.

In Key West.

When my Nana took me to swim with the dolphins.

Stop laughing, I’m not fucking joking!

The day started out fantastic. Obviously. There were dolphins! Does any day that starts with dolphins start out badly? No. Of course not. As I was with my over-protective Nana, I was slathered in SPF five million. Apparently that was no match for the Florida sun in open water, though. Around 3am the next morning I woke up to projectile vomit basically everything I’d consumed after my dolphin adventure. This continued. And continued. And continued. Until, around 7am, it was decided I needed a doctor.

There was basically no one in the waiting room at the hospital in Key West. Despite this fact, after waiting for over an hour, we left. Unsurprisingly, we actually had much better luck at a local family doctor who, despite having a waiting room full of people, was able to see me within 30 minutes or so. He prescribed a suppository which my Nana took me to pick up at a local pharmacy, and then I got to have happy fun times trying to shove drugs up my ass.

By late afternoon the puking had mostly subsided. My Nana had ordered Chinese food as she knew doing so would afford her the ability to order me way too much rice, which I ate tentatively but gratefully. We then got dressed in something resembling normal clothes and decided to salvage the afternoon with a trip down to the shore/board walk/shopping area. At some point I puked in a trash can. At another point my Nana convinced me a popsicle would probably be a good idea since I really needed electrolytes. At one point we walked past a jeweler that was selling gemstone globes and I lamented the fact that I was not feeling well enough to go in and look properly.

As the sun set, we found ourselves sitting on a bench watching buskers, my Nana eating some sort of street food and me eating soup of some sort, having managed to almost salvage 60% of our last day in Key West. I apologized for having ruined our weekend and my Nana kissed my cheek and told me any weekend with me would never be ruined.  

The next morning, I felt almost right as rain, though insanely hungry. So we went back down to the shops and such and got pancakes and french toast and all those other things that are delicious but terrible for upset tummies. She then detoured us passed the jewelry store, where we ducked inside and I bought my first gemstone globe. An expense I couldn’t afford, but that I’m insanely grateful I spent the money on. I love that sparkly orb so very much!

Half-way across the bridge back to the mainland, the flashing lights of an annoyed police officer showed up in the rearview mirror. When he walked up to the car and realized the young one was the passenger, I couldn’t tell if he was amused or miffed.

“I’m so sorry, Officer,” I said, leaning across my Nana and smiling as big as I could. “She brought me down here to swim with the dolphins, and wouldn’t you know I got sick and spent yesterday in the hospital. She’s just trying to get me home to a familiar bed and some soup. We’ll slow down.”

The Officer studied me for a minute before telling me to feel better, and letting us off with a warning.

“Out,” I said, pointing out of the car, as soon as he’d driven away. “You cannot be trusted with the keys, out!”

My Nana looked sheepish as we switched sides and I got us back to Naples, sans accidents or speeding tickets.

A month later, I called my Nana laughing hysterically. “They billed me,” I said, unable to control myself. “They billed me as though I saw a doctor. 1800 dollars! They billed me at the hospital.”

My Nana gasped, “They charged you that much to check your fucking blood pressure? You called and yelled at them, right?”

“Of course I did,” I said. “I told them they couldn’t have my money until they treated me, and they voided the bill. But still,” I sighed, still chuckling, “they fucking billed me.”

The family doctor that actually treated me? Still don’t know what I owe him. Either he figured out how to bill Tricare, or he decided an Army Officer puking her brains out was on the house. My guts thank him, either way.

Surprise!

In what had to be the strangest quirk about my Nana, she was probably the only grandmother I know of who didn’t like it when her grandchildren came to stay with her. Admittedly, she didn’t seem to like it all that much when anyone came to stay with her. Everything about our visits stressed her out. Having to plan for our arrival stressed her out. Feeling like she had to entertain us stressed her out. Having us interrupt her perfectly ordered living environment stressed her out. It wasn’t uncommon to feel like you were being shoved out the door by the time a visit was over because, in all honesty, you probably were.

This was helped immeasurably when my Uncle got his own place about 30 minutes from my Nana. Unlike her, he is not an overly ordered individual who likes his living arrangement “just so” and feels compelled to plan for someone’s visit. He really doesn’t care who’s there or not, he’s probably doing his thing no matter what. I started staying with him when I would visit my Nana, eliminating the major stressor of “human interrupting stable environment.”

I eliminated her compulsion to plan for my visit by simply showing up. Unannounced. Like a next door neighbor asking for sugar or milk.

The first time I did this I hadn’t seen my Nana in over a year or so. The visit prior had been… unpleasant… and I had needed some space to recover and recoup. My Nana, though one of my favorite humans, was an alcoholic. This meant visits, or parts of them, could occasionally be volatile. Initially, I had planned to go to Florida just to see my Uncle. He said he’d feel awful if he saw me and my Nana didn’t, though, and insisted I at least see her while I was down. I agreed, but only under the condition that he didn’t tell her I was coming. I didn’t want any of the nonsense and fuss that often led to her stressing herself sick (read: drunk) and, ultimately, wishing none of us were there.

So it was that on a warm February evening I arrived for a “condo  complex party” at my Nana’s, and tappity-tapped on her lanai door  while calling in a sing-song voice, “Nana, Nana, I’m coming in. I want a hug! And some wine!”

To say she was shocked to see me would be the understatement of the century. I was slightly worried I’d induced a heart attack at first. Shortly after the shock, however, came sheer and unadulterated delight. Possibly the first time I’d seen her be that delighted to see me since I was in high school. Five minutes later, when her friend Cornel arrived and I opened the door he went through the same series of emotions before saying, accusingly, “Ruth! You didn’t tell me Lyndsey was coming to town.”

“Well, I didn’t know!” she said, laughing. “She just showed up on my lanai, saying she wanted a hug and a glass of wine. Isn’t it the greatest surprise ever!”

I stayed with my Uncle the entire visit, and every visit thereafter, allowing her to keep her space as she liked it. We’d go to lunch, go to the zoo, go to the botanical garden, and sip coffee after my long bike rides. I had cracked the code. I had figured out how to visit my Nana, without stressing her out. Because she wasn’t stressed out, she didn’t get snippy or testy or nasty. On the occasion she drank too much alcohol, she mostly laughed a lot or talked about how much she loved us, rather than getting mean.

In the years that followed, I showed up at restaurants to surprise her, showed up at her boyfriend’s condo during a party, and walked into her place in the middle of the afternoon, wearing my swimsuit, to demand she come float on pool noodles with me. It wasn’t unusual for everyone in her social circle to know I was coming, except for her. After all, I had to plan to see them while I was down there, and I couldn’t do that if I didn’t tell them when I’d be in town! Everyone loved the joy she took out of my “just showing up” so much, though, that it was the general habit not to tell her.

The pandemic killed my ability to surprise her, because everything had to be so meticulously planned. Which is why, the last visit I made without my mother, I brought my wife as the surprise. My Uncle knew Lesia was coming with me, but my Nana did not. She was delighted, particularly since she’d picked up an obsession with puzzles and Lesia happens to be very good at them. We’d drive down in the evenings after work, have dinner with her, and Lesia and she would puzzle for a while as I scratched my head and glared at a singular piece with no intention of finding its home.

Of all of my visits, that very first surprise one will reign forever as my favorite one ever made. The look of delight on her face as I came into her living room demanding a hug, the sheer glee with which she told all of her neighbors, “This is my granddaughter. She came all the way from Ohio without telling me. She gave me herself as a surprise! Isn’t it wonderful!” was all the evidence one could ever need of just how much she loved me. 

(Even if she didn’t want me sleeping under the same roof as her!)

Wheel Chairs at Zoos

In 2018, my Nana made the last trip to my parents’ house that she would make in her lifetime. It was a trip that was made largely on accident. A year or so prior, we had all decided my Nana needed to get the hell out of dodge before Irene hit, since it looked like that bitch was going to make a bee-line for Naples. Though her condo was generally unscathed, Irene did hit Naples harder than most hurricanes, flooding entire regions of the city and uprooting hundreds of trees. My Nana rode it out with her boyfriend, at his summer place in Maine.

My mother had booked the ticket and had borne the brunt of the airlines’ desire to make big bucks by gouging the shit out of every purchaser trying to get out of the region before the storm hit. They then got harshly reprimanded by the federal government for that bullshit, and found themselves gifting basically anyone who had paid more than they should have with a free plane ticket. My Nana used it to visit my parents. Who tucked her into a car for the two hour drive to Cleveland so that she could see her granddaughter’s house.

My Nana had lived independently for basically forever. She was divorced before it was acceptable to be such and while she remarried a couple times, I don’t know that she ever took any of them all that seriously. Because of the era, there were certain things she’d simply been unable to do. Like buy her own car. Or buy a house. Or have a fucking credit card. So to her, the fact that I owned my own car AND my own house was a remarkable feat signifying how far we had come since she was my age.

Humorously, she ended up visiting us the weekend that our basement flooded, which meant she got to see what the worst parts of homeownership are like. It also meant that simply hanging out at our house wasn’t really an option, since the fans in the basement were so loud it made it difficult to think. As we’d had a hunch we’d want to do something, anyway, we settled on the zoo. It was an idea that made my Nana nervous, as she wasn’t sure she’d be able to walk the entire thing, but Lesia and I were unconcerned.

For $20 bucks, we rented a wheelchair, plopped my Nana in it, and promptly ran around the place like we were little kids pushing a shopping cart. We got running starts to go up hills, popped wheelies on stairs, and shrieked “weeeeeeee!” as we raced down ramps. My Nana was thoroughly delighted, my brother was both amused and embarrassed, and my mom was just happy her mom was smiling ear to ear the entire day. I think my father is now concerned this is how we’re going to treat him in his old age. He’s right to be concerned, we absolutely are.

Two years later, visiting her at her place during a global pandemic in which she had not left her condo in six months, I suggested that she, myself, and Lesia go to the local zoo. I had already looked it up, and we could rent a wheelchair for her so she wouldn’t have to worry about walking. There were a couple different animal shows we could see while we were there and everything. Wouldn’t it be nice to get out of the house for a bit?

“Are you going to say ‘weeeeee!’ when we go down the hills?” she asked, with a mischievous grin. 

Indeed, we did.

Pink Wine Glasses

“It’s pink!”

Such was my squeal of delight when, after an exceptionally long workday, my Nana proffered a glass of white wine in a piece of stemware that was, indeed, pink. Though I’m weirdly neutral on pink clothing, I’m a huge fan of random things that shouldn’t be pink, being pink. Pink wine glasses are basically the most perfect wine glasses ever.

To that end, I was delighted when she said, “Oh good, you like them? Take them with you when you go home!”

Which I did. On my very last trip to my Nana’s condo, she packed up those pink wine glasses and made sure they made it into the car with me. I gave her a hug, and told her I loved her, and thanked her for my pink stemware. Two days later, before meeting her and some friends for dinner, my mother and I began the arduous task of packing a months worth of stuff and those wine glasses got lovingly wrapped in t-shirts, underwear, socks, and pajamas. All four made the journey home in one piece.

There isn’t really much of a story to tell here, except that the very last gift that my Nana personally gave me were pink wine glasses. Glasses that I will cherish forever. Glasses that I will use as often as I can, because every time I use them I think of her. Glasses that make everything you drink look just a little pinker. Just a little brighter. Just a little happier.

It was a fitting final present, I think, as my Nana often strove to make my life a little brighter and a little happier. Now, each time I sip her favorite drink, I can capture some of that lightness, courtesy of a gleefully pink piece of stemware.

[noisypapercollectionotome]

SLBPxSCM A Leap in Time: Saizo Pt. 3

Part 3 is out! Not gonna lie, this is my favorite part so far. I had a lot of fun writing it. Maybe it’s because there were people looking forward to the story so it made it a bit more exciting to write. Either way, thank you so much for the kind comments! They mean a lot to me. I’m glad there are people who enjoy reading my work.

For those who asked me to tag you, this is dedicated to you guys because I probably would have taken longer to finish this if you weren’t so excited to read it ^.^ It’s actually a lot longer than the other two parts. 

@little-mini-me-world @frywen-babbles @bearlennox @catchthespade @italian-love-cake (I’m sorry, bearlennox, the tag isn’t working on yours!) Hopefully you see this!

Already working on Part 4 :D

EDIT: I noticed some typos and awkward sentences so I fixed them. No real big changes. Also put undercut since the story is kinda long.

Modern Day:

 “Another order of dango over here, Sayuri!”

“Alright, give me a minute! I’ll get your order ready,” Sayuri smiled warmly at the customer before turning back to the one in front of her. “This is for you, sir.”

“Thank you,” the man said in a deep voice that purred. Sayuri thought this every time he came in, but Takeda-san (she had learned his name from Yukimura) was quite handsome. His posture was catlike and his personality large. She had no interest him, though. But it didn’t hurt to look, right?

Sayuri smiled politely at Takeda-san before turning to the man beside him.

“And a plate of donuts for you, Yukimura.” She placed the large pile before him, Yukimura’s eyes turning round as saucers, his smile giving him the appearance of an excited little boy.

“Thanks, Sayuri!” He looked up at her as he shoved the fried dough into his mouth. “Ya foo awas da bes!”

“Swallow your food before you speak, Yukimura,” Takeda-san laughed heartily as he took a bite of his dessert. Yukimura swallows in one huge gulp before blushing in embarrassment.

“Sorry, Sayuri.”

Sayuri smiles and lets out a chuckle. “It’s fine. That just tells me you enjoy my food so much you have to eat while you talk.”

Yukimura grinned in response. “I’m not the only one who loves your food,” he said. “Your restaurant is booming with customers. You sure you should be talking me while it’s so busy?”

Just as he asked, off to right and behind, the bell over the entrance chimed, announcing a new customer. All three turned, Yukimura and Takeda-san in mild curiosity and Sayuri waiting with a welcoming smile.

“Welcome to Sakura Dango, please have a—oh!” Sayuri cut herself as she saw the customer, eyes widening in delight.

“Sasuke-kun!”

“Hiya, Sayuri!” Sasuke gave a wide, toothy grin and said, “Can I have more of your dango today?”

“Of course, you can.”

“Don’t eat too much, Sasuke,” a broad shoulder man standing behind him said. He looked like an older version of the little boy. The woman standing next to him gently chided the man.”

“Ryo,” she said gently, “it’s his birthday. Let him have what he wants.”

The man, Ryo, sighed, but gave a weary smile. He looked down at Sasuke and patted his head. “Alright, go ahead. Order what you want.” The boy practically bounced off the walls in excitement.

“Thanks mom and dad!”

Sayuri laughed as Sasuke bounded towards a table. He was always like this. His parents spoiled him, but Sasuke never let it get to his head. He was sweet and playful and he adored his parents as much as they loved him. It warmed Sayuri’s heart.

“Oi, Sasuke!” Yukimura was looking over at him, stern expression on his face. “Why are you ignoring me?”

“Oh, hey Yukimura-san,” he responded happily.

“That’s better,” Yukimura nodded in approval. “How’s your martial arts classes going?”

“I’m at the top of my class,” Sasuke said proudly, chest puffed out. “No one even comes close. I even have to hold back so I don’t hurt the other kids.”

“Nice! You’re a true warrior! You sure you weren’t a ninja in your past life?”

  “If he was, he would have been quite the troublemaker, I’m sure,” Takeda-san offered up with amusement. The entire restaurant, familiar with Sasuke and his antics, nodded in agreement before bursting into fits of laughter.

Late evening came and Sayuri closed up shop. She smiled to herself as she started walking down the street.

It’s always nice to see everyone. I’m glad my food plays a part in bringing people together.

She opened this restaurant because her father encouraged her to pursue the culinary arts.

“You have talent,” he had said. “You might even be better than me,” he laughed. “Your food makes people smile. That’s the best reward you could ask for in life.”

She carried those words even now, but something tugged at her heart.

I want to share that smile with him.

The ache grew stronger as she walked down the street toward home and it didn’t go away even in the morning.

Sayuri woke before dawn, as was her routine. After dressing for the day, she made her way to the kitchen and made a batch of fresh, warm dango, placing them carefully in a box. She headed out, wrapped in a light jacket, seeing as though spring had come it was still a bit chilly. Even so, the cherry blossom trees were in full bloom, an array of pink and white petals gently swaying in the breeze.

She made her away along the sidewalk for a while before reaching a park. An expanse of green was spread out before her, with small hills pattering the scenery. On one of those hills stood a sakura tree of grandeur size. Its branches spread out like a canopy, its trunk was three times the width of Sayuri’s arms if she spread them out to her sides. The petals were a vibrant pink that even in the still-just barely-dawn glowed brightly.

Sayuri sat at its base with practiced ease, box of dango sitting in her lap. She looked up at the sky—

And waited.

Time passed like that until the sun started to peak over the horizon in a blaze of fire and gold. It was a stunning view, but from a distance all anyone would be able to see on her face were tears that streamed like rivers down her cheeks. There was a sadness so deep, it would take a boat to cross the chasm left in her heart. Sayuri stayed like that until the sun was now out in full bloom, until the sound of footsteps jostled her from reverie. She looked up.

There was no one there.

She glanced around her, but there were not many places to hide in this large, open space.

“I guess I just imagined it,” she muttered to herself. With that, she pulled herself up, pushed her long, black hair out of her face, and walked away—dango in hand.

Saizo gazed longingly at Sayuri’s back as she walked away. From his perch in the cherry blossom tree, he was able to see everything that happened below—the melancholy of her back as she leaned against the trunk, the whites of her knuckles from gripping the box of dango too hard, the tears that reminded him of rain with no chance of sunshine. Saizo saw it all. He nearly leapt from the tree to present himself to her, to ease her pain if only a little, but just as he reached a hand towards that silky black hair he stopped himself.

Once Sayuri was out of sight, Saizo jumped from the tree to the ground, never taking his eyes off where he had last seen her. Behind him, he felt a presence, but this time he didn’t tense.

“Why didn’t you talk to her?” Ichthys asked, complained really. “She was right there!”

Saizo didn’t reply.

“Maybe he’s nervous,” Dui offered, kindly. “He doesn’t have a lot of time. Once his wish is granted he has to go back to his own time.”

“Why are you guys here, anyway? You’re not Wishes gods.” Ichthys looked at Punishment gods next to him. Dui fidgeted, but Scorpio only glared.

“Neither are you, problem child, but Zyglavis gave you permission to help the Wishes gods and I have to keep an eye on you.” He crossed his arms in irritation. “Freakin’ stupid if you ask me. This human is gonna die when he gets back.”

“Scorpio!” Dui interjected, but Scorpio wasn’t having it.

Hey you,” Scorpio called out to Saizo who was uncharacteristically silent during all of this. Saizo barely spared him a glance.

“What.”

“Don’t ‘what,’ me,” he yelled. “Answer the problem child. Why didn’t you talk to her and eat the damn food? We can’t babysit you forever.”

Still, Saizo gave no answer. Scorpio lost his patience.

“Hey! I’m talkin’ to y—,” Scorpio had reached out to grab the ninja’s shoulder and in doing so brushed the skin peeking between the ripped fabric.

I don’t deserve her.

Saizo thought about all the lives he had taken, whether for survival or money. He couldn’t even remember all their faces, most didn’t even have names. Everyone called him the Lord Assassin because he was the best at killing. That was all he was good at. The little lady had come into his life suddenly and without warning—as a child when he grieved and blamed himself for his friend’s death and when they had both grown, her into a beautiful, kind woman. And him into a monster.

So when he saw her now, Saizo could not bear the thought of hurting her—of leaving her. He had already done so. He had heard Scorpio and the other gods: When all is said and done, he’ll die ninja’s death—as had been his fate from birth. He would never make it to the cherry blossom tree to eat dango with Sayuri. She would hurt for lifetimes after.

You deserve better than me, don’t you, little lady. It wasn’t a question. He would not be with her in this lifetime either so why put her through more pain?

“It doesn’t matter what you think she deserves.”

Saizo jolted from his thoughts and looked up to see Scorpio glaring scornfully at him.

“Not minding our own business, are we?” Saizo stared coldly back. God or no god, he’d be damned if he let this guy read his thoughts again. He stepped lithely out of the god’s reach. He knew what this one could do. Ichthys had told him. Scorpio didn’t back down, though.

“It is my business because these two idiots,” he pointed at Teorus and Ichthys, “are busting their asses off to make sure the first and last wish of your life gets granted. And I have to babysit one of them while they do it.”

Neither Saizo or the gods said anything to this. Scorpio continued.

“You might not have made it in your current, her past life, but you can keep your promise in the life she’s living now. Obviously, that stupid woman is waiting for somebody. How ‘bout you grow some balls and stop making her wait!”

Everyone stared in shock, the gods especially. Scorpio was the last person to involve himself in other people’s affairs, but Saizo’s thoughts and his own ire set the Punishment god off. After a long, awkward silence, Teorus finally spoke up, having been silent the entire conversation.

“You know,” Teorus added, “we may be gods, but on earth our power is finite.”

“What do you mean?” Saizo asked.

“It means,” Ichthys interrupted, “that we’re starting to tire out. Earth makes our powers weaker so we can’t use them forever like we can in the Heavens. Aren’t you starting to feel a little achy,” he looked Saizo up and down in scrutiny, examining the wounds that, at the moment, were not bleeding.

“A bit,” Saizo said nonchalantly. He could feel the wounds starting to itch and burn and ache. Luckily, the poison’s effects were still being held in check by Teorus and Ichthys.

“How much longer do I have?”

“A couple of days at most,” Teorus said cautiously. “But we’d really be pushing it.”

“That’s all it’ll take,” Saizo said.

“Man,” Ichthys cried out, “I’m going to need a long vacation after this.”

“Like hell you will! This is the most you’ve done your entire career as a Punishments god!”

“Guys, let’s just all calm down.”

As the gods argued back and forth, Saizo stared up at the sky now a soft, beautiful blue, with the sun’s light casting a kaleidoscope of hues through the air.

So different from the night I’ll die.

Saizo stood on the corner across from Sakura Dango staring through the glass at the little lady smiling jovially at customers. He had never had reason to be nervous, but for some reason his heart was pounding loudly in his ears and threatening to rip through his chest and sprint towards Sayuri. With a deep breath, the ninja stepped forward.

“Wait!”

Saizo looked back in annoyance. “What problem do the gods have now?”

Teorus and Ichthys stared in horror at him.

“You can’t go looking like that,” Teorus said, aghast at Saizo’s attire.

“Sorry, seems they didn’t give me enough time to change before dying,” Saizo said blithely.

“No worries,” a god with pink hair spoke up beside Teorus. “Gods can make miracles. And I’m pretty good in the fashion department.”

“And who might we be, hmm?”

The god held out a hand. “Partheno, god of beauty.”

Saizo looked bored out of his mind and showed no sign of reciprocating Partheno’s greeting. Partheno dropped his hand, unperturbed.

How many of them are there? Saizo wondered.

“Let’s make you so handsome that cutie falls head over heels in love with you all over again!” Snapping his fingers, Partheno transformed Saizo’s clothing so now he was dressed head to toe in urban fashion. A white T-shirt was overlapped by a gray vest and checkered scarf. His pants hung off his hips in a provocative way and his shoes were shiny and clearly expensive. Saizo looked down at himself before glancing back at the god.

“Interesting clothes this time has.” Not very good for assassinating.

“You look great,” Partheno said. “Now go in there and get your wish.”

The gods watched as Saizo made his way to the door of the restaurant, holding their breath in anticipation.

Saizo hesitated only briefly before pulling the door open; the bell chimed. Sayuri looked up, locking eyes with the ninja. Saizo felt his heart stop, starting again at a faster pace. She was beautiful as she smiled at him, though it seemed to falter before regaining its proper form.

Do you remember me, little lady?

She walked towards him with hurried steps.

Do you remember me, Sayuri?

They were now face-to-face.

Will you forgive me?

Sayuri opened her mouth.

“Saizo.”

To be continued...

[toastnekohime]

By The Pulse Of A Heartbeat

Part six of a 2018 Camp NaNoWriMo Yu-Gi-Oh! GX Elementshipping novel. Based on rp’s between myself ( @getyouraoion ) and my amazing, precious Twin’s Jaden ( @kiibx ), By The Pulse Of A Heartbeat tells the story of how Aoi and Jaden met at Duel Academy and formed their incredibly tight friendship, eventually falling into a relationship, and how they handle the various threats thrown at them over their three years of schooling.

There are currently no triggers, but should any arise, they will be tagged.

STILL IN PROGRESS. Please forgive any typos you may find~

Tagging @starisia, as this wouldn’t exist without my wonderful Twin <3

Summary:

Duel Academy is the place to be, the dream school for many kids. Be it through intense studying, duel prep schools, scholarships, or being rich enough to buy their way in, most kids have had their sights set on it for a long time, knowing it to be the perfect place to start towards a career as a professional duelist. Someone has to Dethrone Yugi and take the title of King of Games, and everyone wants a shot!

Except that is, for Aoi Sakazaki.

Falling in love with Duel Monsters when her father bought her several cards in her childhood, she makes the choice to try her hand at the entrance exams, despite having no idea what she wants to do with her life… And just barely squeaks her way in. Her poor exams scores, combined with even poorer grades, land her a solid spot in the Academy’s Slifer Red dorm - The lowest of the low, where students are almost expected to drop out if they don’t advance to Ra Yellow or Obelisk Blue, first.

The rank comes with the rest of the school looking down on them, as well as the worst lodging the furthest distance from the main campus and fewest privileges  compared to the other dorms. But it also brings a surprise friend in fellow Slifer student Jaden Yuki, who seems to have absolutely no problem with the hand they’ve been dealt.

It’s not long before Aoi and Jaden find themselves caught up in a whirlwind of an adventure, dealing with exams, classes, ‘evil’ teachers, and somehow still finding enough time to explore the island they now call home. But living on Academy Island isn’t all fun and games; shortly after their schooling begins, things around their home begin to change, and rarely for the better.

Neither friend has any idea what lies in wait for them in the next three years… But is it an adventure they’ll be able to tackle together, or will it end their time at the school - and them - before it’s even begun?

It’s time to put their skills where their mouths are and find out!

Or be miserably left behind in the dust, that was, her legs still sore when she ducked out of her room and made her way down the balcony the following afternoon. It hurt to even walk, though there was no way she was missing this meeting, only releasing her iron grip on the thick binder hugged to her chest to knock on the door at the end.

The previous day's race had brought them to a stretch of beach on the island's southeastern side, water crystal clear and waves far more gentle than what usually hit the rocky cliff behind the Red dorm. With just about everyone exhausted after their first half a week of classes, they'd had the beach mostly to themselves... And like a couple of kids, settled for building a sandcastle until Syrus had caught up.

Sandcastles, jumping around in the surf, checking out the surf shack, nudging each other into waves, crab catching... By the time night had fallen, they'd done it all, Aoi and Jaden dripping wet from impromptu 'swims' in front of a campfire while Syrus took to scolding them and reminding if they got sick from swimming in the middle of October, they were on their own!

But it was a dose of normalcy, of happiness, she'd needed since coming to the academy. It'd been impossible to get too close to her roommates, and there was no way she could talk to Chazz the way she did Jaden, either. Even Syrus she was still guarded towards, keeping a fair bit of distance between them at all times, though he didn't seem to mind despite it all.

Jaden... There was something about him that just seemed to make it all melt away. All the stress, all the worries, her defensiveness and desire to keep her distance – Around him, she couldn't help but laugh and relax. His enthusiasm and grin made the day brighter, for sure, and in a place so determined and full of competition as Duel Academy, it was a breath of fresh air she hadn't known she'd needed until it'd nearly mowed her down – Litteraly.

Even when he opened the door, she could feel the tension melting off her shoulders, tight grip on her binder loosening slightly at the sight of that grin. Whatever it was about him, she didn't want it to ever change.”I though y' would b' out today, honestly.”

Jaden chuckled, stepping aside to let her in. “Nah. I can't feel my legs.” Closing the door behind her, he crossed the room to drop into a desk chair, a hand burying itself in his hair for a gentle scratch. Her laughter wasn't enough to make his grin fade, though it did get him to look up as she came closer after kicking off her shoes, pulling out another chair and setting her binder down on his desk. “What?”

“I can't feel mine either,” she managed out between laughs, sinking into her seat far slower than he had.  “Calves, mostly. Y' run t' fast.”

“Need to stay quick on my feet. Can't avoid friends and waves otherwise, y'know.” His eyes practically sparkled, the tease enough to get her to reach out and ever so gently push at his knee. Touching him of her own free will was still slow going; nudges and pushes had been as far as she'd gone, still wary of being too physical with him.

Still, it wouldn't stop her from taking out her deck and flipping open the binder she'd brought. “This is m' entire collection, mister speedyfeet. I'm n' good with homework an' m' grades're 'bout as good as yours, b' I try an' keep this organized th' best I can.” Her fingers ran over the clear plastic sheets, cards set into each of the nine slots. “Monsters, spells, traps. In that order.”

“And a page of charmers,” he pointed out, lifting several of the pages for a look at what lie beneath. “Wait... Is this all of them?! You've got them all?!”

Aoi laughed, flipping over the pages herself. “Mhm. M' charmers are m' favorite. All it takes is one little flip, an' y' can grab a monster off y' opponent's field n' problem. An' then once y' got that, y' tribute 'em both f' th' next form, th' familiar-possesed charmers. They work out a lot better then.”

“Mm, still level fours.” Placing a finger one a copy of Raging Eria, he reached over for the deck set down nearby with his other hand, spreading it out on the desk and nudging out both Eria the Water Charmer and Familiar-Possesed Eria. “See? You don't need the tribute.”

She laid a hand over his, gently guiding the pointing finger to Familiar-Possesed Aussa, letting it rest over the effect text there. “Look again. I don't need it, n', b' doin' it that way? There's extra damage t' b' dealt. Th' tribute grants them piercing damage. An' with an 1850 attack... Could d' some good damage.”

He nodded, glancing between the binder and spread out deck. Though he was still smiling, the look in his eyes had changed; he was more serious, focused, so much unlike the boy she saw in class. As if there was something that just clicked mentally whenever he looked at their cards. “I've never seen 'em myself, but I've heard of the charmers. Attack's good... Your favorites?”

“They are. See-” She paused, the hand still holding his lifting so she could flip the page, “they have three forms, matchin' traps, an' three of 'em have familiars t' match their second form: Jigabyte, Inari Fire, an'...” A groan. “Nefarious Archfiend Eater of Nefariousness.”

The returned laughter brought her grin back. It wasn't her fault Aussa had a weirdly named familiar! “That's why they're all here. Er.. Except f' Eria. She's m' favorite above 'em all.”

“Then we keep Eria.” The moment she released his hand, he set about sliding several other charmers free, pushing them and the water magician up higher on the desk. “Here- It's your deck. What do ya wanna save from this one?”

“Eria... An' this...”

“You sure? What about this one?”

“Mmm... Nah, that one. N' Jigabyte, either. I have an idea. What about this one? Think it could work?”

“Pfft- It could- You've got a better idea going now, huh?”

“Yep- All 'cause y' pointed it out.”

An idea, that was, that would take them both the majority of the afternoon to execute. The sun had begun to set by the time Aoi leaned back in her chair, hugging her new deck to her chest; why hadn't they done this sooner?! “It's perfect! Ah, Jay, y' th' best f' this!”

Both teens paused, sharing a surprised glance. Had.. She just called him Jay? The hours hadn't been just deck talk either, jokes and vague stories of their pasts worked in between cards. He knew her father worked for the power company back home and had bought her Eria, and she knew he'd spent a lot of time dueling with the neighborhood kids in his hometown... And with little, smaller tidbits added in, it'd clearly led to... What, exactly?

Jaden's lips spread into a slow forming but broad grin first. “Hey, no worries- It's a cool nickname! But y'know what would be even cooler?”

“I'm gonna read y' mind an' say a duel.” She laughed, flipping the cover of her binder closed. “Depends. What time is it? 'cause I'm getting' hungry an' Professor Banner's cookin' is amazin'. M' stomach beats out a duel any day.”

As her deck found its way to her lap, his PDA came up from the pouch on his belt, the hem of his shirt tugged aside enough that she could see it. Her own was usually shoved in her pocket; maybe the school's store would have something similar? A holder would certainly come in handy rather than sitting on it every day! “...Six-thirty. Could probably get one in – Though I'm with you! Never miss a meal around here!”

“Tell m' 'bout it.” The tease was soft and gentle, widening her own smile at the sight of his nonchalant shrug. “What can I say, I'm a growing boy-”

“Y' got th' same endless stomach I d' is what y' are.”

“Heeey, no fair-”

“Wanna get back at m'? Get y' duel disk an' let's g'! I jus' gotta grab mine from m' room- Meet y' b' th' stairs?”

“Deal.”

All but bouncing out of her chair, Aoi sipped her deck back into it's case; while it wouldn't stay there for long, it was better than accidentally dropping it while she tugged her boots on, making it a point to do so while leaning against the wall by the sink. The angle gave her a chance to watch him prepare, too, shrugging out of his uniform jacket and tying it around his waist. She'd never seen him without the blazer before...

Making sure the colored tongues of her shoes were straight, she stuck her tongue out at him and ducked out the door. She could always go back for her binder later, but for now she needed to get past her roommates and ignore the challenge called out by her friend for teasing him. She'd already agreed, what was the point of a formal challenge, anyway? If she'd agreed, it wasn't needed – Except for the dramatics of it, which she was quickly learning came easily in their newfound friendship.

Thankfully, it took all of three seconds to sneak past Kassidy and Mia and grab her duel disk from beside the sink before she was out again, sliding the device onto her arm. The familiar feeling of the wide metal band slowly tightening around her arm was almost comforting, relaxing; why was it just the idea of a duel of late eased a lot of tension? Taking her deck from the case and sliding it into the disk's slot ranked up there with it, the click of the band settling into place and deck held tight in the device's grip bringing a smile to her lips.

“Having fun without me?” Jaden questioned, stepping out of his room with a quick tug to close the creaky door behind him. Blazer still tied around his waist, he'd donned his own disk, deck already set and a wide grin on his lips. If she didn't know better, she'd think him a three year old on his way to the candy store, not a 15 year old headed out to duel!

She waited until he'd joined her to turn, the pair making their way down the balcony together. It was amazing how much more comfortable it was to have someone to talk to! “N' way. Y'know... Nothin' on this island's as fun as y' make it. Y' even made a walk t' th' beach fun.”

He bowed his head with a broad grin, gesturing to let her down the stairs first, to which she bowed in return with a laugh. “You've never had fun at the beach before? C'mon, Aoi, you make it sound like nothing's fun here!”

“It's n'. All th' studyin' an' th' homework... I fell asleep on that Spell Theories paper we had t' write. Pretty sure drool doesn't count as a theory.”

“...We had a paper?”

“Jaden!”

His grin faded into a sheepish smile, then a laugh shared between them, honey meeting green-blue. Settling his hands behind his head, he took up the lead, guiding her down the slope towards the cliff bellow. The red dorm had the fewest privileges of all the dorms, students even looked down on to the point of being expected to drop out, yet they had the best place to duel – a small, rocky bit of cliff the waves constantly crashed against, and this afternoon was no different.

“Gotta admit, this view's the best on the island,” Jaden blurted after a few moments, stopping by the line of large rocks making up a bit of a barrier on the cliff's edge. The breeze ruffled his hair, hands finally coming out from behind his head, smile falling to one of contentment and peace. “'Specially from our dorm. Yellow and blue don't get anything like this, I bet.”

Aoi sighed, biting the tip of her tongue right after. There it was, the reason he kept dragging people in; his boyish charm and optimism knew absolutely no bounds, the desire to see others happy and smiling as wide as he did harder to stop than a cockroach. He could bring in even the coldest, hardest soul and make them smile, of that she had no doubt... And she now suspected that smile had caught her a month earlier, when she'd first seen him at the exams.

“I wouldn't doubt it. They're nowhere near th' sea like we are – I mean, blue's got th' lake, right? They... would... Jay?” Just mention of the lake had turned his sunkissed cheeks a pale shade of red, stance shifting to reflect his sudden sheepishness. What in the world could've been wrong with mentioning the lake? It wasn't that far away and- Oh, for goodness sake, it was a lake! “Y' got issues with th' lake? I know y' can swim, s' what's wrong?”

All he did was shake his head, pressing his lips tightly together. The gesture was enough to make her laugh, but not eliminate her concern; what could've happened between him and the lake that would result in this? Everyone on the island already knew how he'd happily tell a story if it meant getting a smile or helping someone out, but this was a little on the ridiculous side, wasn't it?

A second later, he turned to face her, arm raised to show off his duel disk. “It's nothin', I promise. We came out here for a duel, right? Time to get your game on, Aoi!”

“M' game's always on, Jay, jus' y' wait!” A quick movement of her arm to match his activated both duel disks, the electronics starting up enough to get her even more excited than she had been before. Several large steps put a decent amount  of space between them, fingers all too used to the routine quickly drawing their starting hands, plus an extra for the barely quicker raven. “Ladies first- M' draw!”

This was already going to be easier said than done, and she knew it. She'd at least drawn a monster she wanted in her first go, but the rest wasn't quite as helpful... Pulling a card from her hand, she set it down on the disk, grinning at the charmer that appeared. “Aussa th' Earth Charmer, in attack mode! An' I'll set a face down,” a pause, sliding another card into the spell and trap zone, the hologram of the set card appearing between her and the brunette monster, “an' it's y' g', Jay!”

Aussa's 500 attack wouldn't get her too far, a thought that hit her harder than an 18-wheeler once her friend grinned at his hand. She knew his deck; full of elemental heroes, it was a challenge to anyone who faced it, with him being currently unbeaten on the island. Just like she knew he'd get rid of her face down – a tactic confirmed a second later when he held out a spell to show her before sliding it into his disk, the larger hologram easier to see.

“Mystical Space Typhoon destroys your face down! I helped you build that, I'm not risking it!” His chuckle was the only thing she could hear over the winds, sharp gusts forcing her arms up to shield herself and cutting through her set spell. That wasn't good... Book of Taiyou's effect would've needed some specific timing, but she'd hoped to protect Aussa by using it to flip his monster face down. Without it, she was defenseless, waiting for the gusts to ease before removing the card and sliding it into her disk's graveyard, with Jaden following suit a second later.

And he wasn't done, either, slapping a monster down before she could even try to guess what he held. “Elemental Hero Burstinatrix! Sorry, but I've gotta take down that charmer of yours – Attack Aussa with Flare Storm!”

She barely had a chance to shield herself from the heroine's flames, focusing instead on the life point counter on her disk ticking down. The drop to 3300 was one she could easily say she'd expected, mumbling an apology to Aussa while sending her card to the grave. It was still a new deck, one she was still learning, and things like that were going to happen, especially against the top duelist of the Slifer Red dorm. “Y' n' gonna get away with that one!”

Still completely at ease, her friend shrugged his shoulders, practically beaming. “Then c'mon, it's your draw! Show me what you've got!”

Why was he so bright and happy? Just like when they'd been building her deck, the spark in his eyes was less 'Slifer Slacker' and slightly more serious, focused – and overall like a kid with a brand new bunch of balloons. She couldn't say it wasn't cute, either, his clear excitement putting her at ease with her next draw. “Y' got it! I hope y' ready f' this one!”

Her eyes widened a fracture at the sight of her drawn card; if he wanted to see her best, he was about to get it! “I'm settin' two cards and throwin' down a monster in defense mode. Y' might have helped m' build this, b' I don't think y' gonna guess what I have in store f' y'!”

“Why would I want to?” He paused, two fingers set on his deck. “This duel's a blast! If I knew what was coming it wouldn't be any fun!”

“...Y' th' biggest dork I know.”

“I'm gonna take that as a compliment-”

“It was one, s' good.”

Any confusion he'd shown melted away with his draw. His stance shifted just slightly, showing more confidence than before, though she wasn't quite sure how that was even possible – Either he'd drawn something good or he was bluffing to throw her off... And worse, she was ready to believe a bluff that good!

“I'll throw down a face down myself, and summon Elemental Hero Avian!” The winds whipped up again with the hero's appearance on the field, but it was the face down card that appeared seconds before him that had her attention. For all she knew it was Polymerazation, though if it was, wouldn't he have used it already? To be fair, with a spell and trap left in her hand, she should've played her own, and.. Hmm...

So lost in her thoughts, she nearly missed the movement of his arm, a dramatic sweep to point at her face down monster. “Go, Brustinatrix! Attack that face down!”

In return, she lifted her own, one of her cards raising with it to reveal her trap. “An' I'm activatin' Unpossessed in return! On top that...” Aoi grinned; he'd fallen into her trap, the hologram of her monster flipping in reply to Burtinatrix's attack and bringing with it another charmer, hiding behind her staff and deflecting the fire thrown at her. It couldn't have worked out any more perfect! “Meet Hiita th' Fire Charmer! Her 1500 defense beats out Burstinatix's 1200 attack, s' y' get 300 damage from it!”

It wasn't the grand attack she'd wanted to, but there was something about seeing him take the hit that did wonders for her confidence. She'd actually dealt damage to their dorm's ace – and it she had her way, it wasn't the only damage he'd take, either! “An' that's n' all, Jay – Flippin' Hiita activates her effect! She grabs Burstinatrix from y' field and brings her over t' mine!”

Even with the distance between them, she could tell his eyes were on her rather than Hiita's grin, or Burstinatrix switching sides, slowly floating down to a stop beside the spellcaster. That feeling of being watched sent a shiver down her spine, but... Were his lips moving? Was he talking to himself? They were the only ones there - “My turn's over, then. That's a pretty good move there.”

“Thanks. Y' b' amazed what y' learn from listenin' t' y' friend durin' deck buildin'.” Whatever that had been, she wasn't going to question it, drawing her next card... And bursting out into laughter right after. “Remember when I first got t' y' room? An' I had t' tell y' 'bout th' charmers?”

His expression fell, shoulders sagging some. “You didn't-”

“I did! I'm tributin' Burstinatrix an' Hiita t' special summon her more powerful form, Familiar-Possesed Hiita! An' t' top that off, I'm activatin' m' other face down, Brain Control! This lets m' take y' Avian, t', f' this turn only!” With the continued slumping of her friend's shoulders, Burtinatrix faded from the field, leaving behind a rush of flames to consume the charmer. By the time Avian had switched sides, the fire had rolled away to reveal the far more powerful Hiita, twirling her staff around as an entrance. The perfect entrance, in her opinion, stifling a giggle with a lightly closed fist at his clear pout.

Like before, he was back to grinning and confident in no more than a heartbeat. “Attack?”

“Attack, definitely! Hiita, Inferno Rage! An' Avian, follow it up!” But this time, the attack was less satisfying, even if it did still give another confidence boost. Watching him shield himself from Avian's quills was one thing, but Hiita never held anything back, launching an oversized ball of fire at him. The connection forced him down to one knee, rubbing at the chest where the brunt of it hit in a reminder that though they were just holograms, the technology had advanced enough since the days of the Battle City tournament years ago, now coming just solid enough for the duelists to feel some of the damage they took.

And it didn't matter if Jaden was her opponent for the time being, he was still her friend. Hurting him was the last thing she wanted to do, concern hitting her hard at the sight of his shoulders trembling. “Hey- Y' okay? Didn't t' hard, did it?”

With the end of her turn, Avian returned to his side of the field, bringing with him the faint sound of laughter. Well, that explained the shaking shoulders... “I'm fine! Didn't expect that- This duel just got a lot more fun!”

Nuts. The kid was nuts.

His next draw had her shaking her head, more than amused; was there anything that could bring down the energetic boy before her? Even down to 850 life points compared to her 3300, he didn't seem fazed in the least-

“Now you're gonna meet one of my best heroes! I'm activating Polymerazation, fusing the Sparkman and Clayman in my hand!”

Though that could be why, Aoi realized, turning her attention from the brunette to the clouds and thunder rolling in above them. If that wasn't enough to make her nervous, the giant that descended from the storm was, the sparks coming off his hands and body the perfect match for Jaden's brilliant smile. “Aoi, meet Elemental Hero Thunder Giant! Hiita, too- 'Cause when he's summoned, his effect activates! It destroys one monster on the field whose original attack points are lower than his! Thunder Giant, blow Hiita away with Static Blast!”

“Kindda good thing I'm n' afraid of thunderstorms, huh?” Enough so that she only flinched with the loss of Hiita, Thunder Giant's electricity zapping the spellcaster like a lightning bolt in the midst of a real storm. “B' y' forgot 'bout m' trap!”

“What about it?”

“B' destroyin' one of m' monsters, once per turn I can replace 'em with a spellcaster from m' deck, s' long as it's of a different attribute an' has 1500 or less defense! An' since all I can d' is play defensively, I'm gonna summon out Gemini Elf in defense!”

As if on command, the requested card popped out from her deck, letting her switch Hiita for her replacement. The twins weren't exactly the sight she wanted to see, but at least they were a shield between herself and Thunder Giant-

“Avian, attack Gemini Elf! Thunder Giant's Voltic Thunder's coming right for ya, next!”

Not for long, anyway, her elf gone mere seconds before the lightning followed. That she could do without in the future, the attack reminding her just how hard the monsters could actually hit – and how realistic it could feel in some cases, knocking the wind from her and leaving her knees trembling. It was a reaction that passed rather quickly, but it was still frustrating none the less, especially knowing it'd dropped her down to 900, just 50 points higher than Jaden.

Pulling another card from her deck, she barely gave it a glance before throwing it down on her disk, following it up with another spell. “Last ditch effort- I'm summonin' m' favorite, Familiar-Possesed Eria! An' with her is Magician's Right Hand- as long as this's in play an' I have a spellcaster on m' field, y' can't use spells! Eria, attack Avian!”

“Sorry, can't let you! My face down activates- Hero Barrier!”

How had she forgotten about that? Eria's wave formed from the tip of her staff, spreading and growing as it raced across the field, just to disperse on hitting the barrier protecting Avian. She'd been banking on his face down being a spell, not something that could protect his heroes from attack. And as long as she only had her one monster, she couldn't even try again, waving a hand to Jaden with a slight bow. “Then it's y' move. An' speakin' of moves, that was a good one.”

“Thanks, I try.”

Their shared laugh at least made things even better, her eyes drifting closed. “'M sorry, Eria. I kindda failed y' this time.” And it meant she didn't have to see Thunder Giant destroying her favorite monster on his duelist's call, or watch Avian follow it with his attack, though not knowing when the quills would hit made the sting that much worse. Letting the pain roll off as fast as it'd hit, Aoi sunk to the ground, sighing softly and turning her gaze back up to her companion just in time to see him point with two fingers and grin, lips parting for the now familiar call of “That's game~!”

Slowly, her duel disk deactivated, the cards sitting in the graveyard ejected and carefully removed before the disk itself returned to standby mode. A loss was to be expected when testing a new deck, sure, but... A loss was still, and always would be, a bummer.

“You okay? Here.”

Jaden's voice pulled her attention away from her deck, cards returned to it, just to stare at his by now familiar red boots. Green-blue followed the curve of them to his jeans, then further up to his wast, stomach, chest... And finally the warm smile he wore, hand extended to help her up. “That was a seriously sweet match! We've gotta do that again!”

This time, placing her hand in his lacked the usual awkwardness she normally felt, replacing itself with warmth. Warmth from a friend, from his smile, the easy and careful way he helped her up, having an opponent who respected her, knowing he meant every word of his praise – she couldn't find the source of it, but it was by far nicer than the wariness she'd always felt around others. “Y' want a rematch? M' charmers're n' match f' y' heroes, y'know.”

“You kidding? I thought you had me with Hiita! I just got lucky with Polymerazation-” He paused, his stomach growling just loud enough to interrupt him and make her fight to hold back laughter. “Maybe we can get that rematch after dinner.”

“I'd say y' thinkin' with y' stomach, b' t' b' honest, I am t'. Dueling really makes y' hungry, huh?” She gave his hand a little tug before releasing it, turning for the slope they'd taken earlier. As adorable as his pale pink tinted cheeks were, she didn't feel the need to comment on it, especially not when they were both clearly starving! “C'mon. Let's get some food in y'.”

In a heartbeat, the brunette was right beside her, sniffing at the air. Gods above, did he ever remind her of a puppy sometimes! “I think I smell soy sauce- And fish! There's always fish! Er.. No wait, it's pineapple- ...Peas?”

“...Fried rice?”

“Nah. Banner's specialty is fish. I think.”

“Right now I'd probably eat a horse.”

“Not alone you're not! I'm hungry too!”

“An' y' sniffin' th' air like a dog! I can tell y' are!”

Jaden laughed, nudging her side with an elbow. “Pigs don't do that?” he teased, running ahead to avoid the playful swat she aimed at his head. “Gotta try harder than that! C'mon, Aoi, we've gotta get our dinner on!”

She shook her head, pace picking up to a jog. He had a point, and dinner did smell good, so... “What're we bein' s' slow f'? Dinner waits f' n' puppy!”

[toastnekohime]

By The Pulse Of A Heartbeat

Part five of a 2018 Camp NaNoWriMo Yu-Gi-Oh! GX Elementshipping novel. Based on rp’s between myself ( @getyouraoion ) and my amazing, precious Twin’s Jaden ( @kiibx ), By The Pulse Of A Heartbeat tells the story of how Aoi and Jaden met at Duel Academy and formed their incredibly tight friendship, eventually falling into a relationship, and how they handle the various threats thrown at them over their three years of schooling.

There are currently no triggers, but should any arise, they will be tagged.

STILL IN PROGRESS. Please forgive any typos you may find~

Tagging @starisia, as this wouldn’t exist without my wonderful Twin <3

Summary:

Duel Academy is the place to be, the dream school for many kids. Be it through intense studying, duel prep schools, scholarships, or being rich enough to buy their way in, most kids have had their sights set on it for a long time, knowing it to be the perfect place to start towards a career as a professional duelist. Someone has to Dethrone Yugi and take the title of King of Games, and everyone wants a shot!

Except that is, for Aoi Sakazaki.

Falling in love with Duel Monsters when her father bought her several cards in her childhood, she makes the choice to try her hand at the entrance exams, despite having no idea what she wants to do with her life… And just barely squeaks her way in. Her poor exams scores, combined with even poorer grades, land her a solid spot in the Academy’s Slifer Red dorm - The lowest of the low, where students are almost expected to drop out if they don’t advance to Ra Yellow or Obelisk Blue, first.

The rank comes with the rest of the school looking down on them, as well as the worst lodging the furthest distance from the main campus and fewest privileges  compared to the other dorms. But it also brings a surprise friend in fellow Slifer student Jaden Yuki, who seems to have absolutely no problem with the hand they’ve been dealt.

It’s not long before Aoi and Jaden find themselves caught up in a whirlwind of an adventure, dealing with exams, classes, ‘evil’ teachers, and somehow still finding enough time to explore the island they now call home. But living on Academy Island isn’t all fun and games; shortly after their schooling begins, things around their home begin to change, and rarely for the better.

Neither friend has any idea what lies in wait for them in the next three years… But is it an adventure they’ll be able to tackle together, or will it end their time at the school - and them - before it’s even begun?

It’s time to put their skills where their mouths are and find out!

It took a day longer than she'd expected to finish her new uniform, but by the third day of classes, she'd swapped out her red skirt for the more familiar comfort of capris, blazer cut into a comfortable vest over a lighter shirt. As nice as her boots had been, it felt so much better to be out of those heels and into a different, flatter pair of calf-high boots. And though the outfit had gotten some stares and mumbles, it, thankfully, hadn't yet gotten her in trouble.

And yet, it wasn't worry of possible trouble that had Aoi outside her room the morning of their first saturday on the island, but the need for air and peace. Her room still stunk of the perfume Mia had used the night before... For such a petite girl, she wore an awful lot of perfume – Enough to drown a cow, never mind the slender teen. It wouldn't have been so bad if the scent was lighter, kinder to the nose, but a heavy dose of lilac and 'sunshine' definitely didn't help.

At least being outside helped ease the headache, the slight breeze coming off the sea more than refreshing. And it was quiet, to boot. Why was it a dorm with so few people still managed to be so loud? Music helped, although there was only so much it could do when the noise tried to drown it out in return.

Birds and waves crashing into the cliff behind the dorm was better for the time being, though she had to admit, she still missed her music—

Wait… That made no sense. Why was it so quiet?

“Last one there's a rotten fish!”

Pushing off the railing, Aoi tilted her head... Just to press herself back against it half a second later with a squeak of surprise, just barely avoiding a collision with a red blur that wasn't so lucky, stumbling over its own boots before finally catching itself. “Hey- Watch where y' go-”

“Hey sorry, I-”

Both comments came to a screeching halt, green-blue meeting long since familiar honey brown. She'd known he had a room on the second floor, but not that it was so close, or that he was even in it as often as it seemed he was... And for that matter, she couldn't even begin to remember where her voice had gone, or why she'd even stopped in the first place. “Y' couldda run m' over.”

Jaden gave a sheepish chuckle in return, scratching the back of his head. “Yeah, sorry 'bout that. Didn't think there was anyone out here. Aren't ya usually in your room?”

“I'm n' sure how y' know that, b' n' today. Smells like a flower exploded.”

“...Flowers can explode?”

“Sniff m' door an' tell m', 'cause I'm pretty sure it's a scracth n' sniff card.”

To her surprise, the brunette laughed, relaxing as quickly as he'd barreled out of his room. Just hearing him laugh helped her relax as well, but the second he actually did step closer and jokingly scratch at the door, she'd taken an even larger step of her own back and away from him – and that was all it took to make him pause and give her a look like she'd just grown another head. “...Did I step on you or somethin'?”

“...N'. Jus'...” Just what? How did she explain she was uncomfortable with strangers? Or even more so with guys, and that he fell into both categories? The better question, though, was why she felt like she could tell him, shooting Syrus a glance as he finally joined them on the balcony. Maybe it was the fact he was still leaning over and inches from sniffing her door, or the dozens of times in the last few days they'd run into each other...

Whatever it was, it was enough to make her shake her head and tug at the tie of one of her pigtails. “I ah... Don't d' good with strangers. Or guys. Or any combination of 'em,”, she finally admitted, watching his confusion turn into a broad grin. Like always, his bright and sunny outlook seemed to make things easier, tugging slowing until she could finally bring her hands down and shove them into her pockets. “Sorry.”

“Hey, I'm not a stranger, I'm a Jaden! Jaden Yuki.”

“...Aoi Sakazaki.”

“See? No strangers here! We're goin' to check out the surf shop on the beach. Up for coming with?”

On one hand, she wanted to tell him no. Despite the introductions, he was still, technically, a stranger, and she had little interest in being any closer.

And yet on the other, there was something about his grin she couldn't say no to. His cheer was infectious, bringing back her smile in just seconds. It had to be better than sitting by a scratch and sniff door she swore was absorbing every bit of the perfume smell as it was, right? “I'm... N' sure...”

This time it was Syrus who smiled, slipping past her – careful not to get too close, something she'd later have to thank him for – and Jaden both for the steps. “It's gonna be an adventure! There's supposed to be a nice beach and the tide's out!”

“S' we could find some crabs?” The words were out before she could stop them, and by the time she realized she was even moving, she was halfway down the staircase, Jaden laughing behind her with his hands behind his head. “I haven't seen any yet. Have y'?”

“Heard frogs,” the brunette chirped, chuckling at the snort he got in reply as he came up to walk beside her, Syrus leading the trio towards the beach. “Nah. We've been all over, but haven't seen crabs yet. Why, you like crabs?”

“Jay... Girls don't like crabs...”

Aoi shook her head, though she knew Syrus couldn't see it or her smile for trying to derail the conversation, lest it get uncomfortable. “Small ones're cute, b' n' my favorites. That's pigs.”

The blunette tripped over his feet, Jaden slapping a hand over his mouth to try and hide the sputters before he broke down laughing. Was it really so surprising she'd like pigs? “Look here, they're cute an' like t' b' pet.”

“That's dogs, Aoi.”

“Pigs t'! Back home we've got a petting zoo with a big potbellied pig. He loves it when people pat him on th' head. Hair kindda reminds m' of another student's, t'...” She had to bite her tongue before Chazz's name came out. In the last few days, she'd run into the Obelisk four or five more times, each meeting falling into nothing but pure insults and sarcasm flung at one another. She'd come to find it fun, even, getting the chance to be as creative as possible while he kept coming back with the reminder she was nothing more than a 'Slifer Slacker'.

But if either of the boys wanted to ask, they made no indication of it, Jaden even catching her attention  again with the most nonchalant shrug. “They're not bad. You don't play a pig deck, do ya? Though I bet that'd be somethin' to watch. A farm duel!”

Her next snort quickly turned into a laugh, winning her a look of surprise from both boys. Maybe these boys weren't so bad after all...? “Mm-mm. N' pig decks. I've got... Don't even have a theme, n' that I think 'bout it. Jus' m' favorite an' some backup.”

“Sounds like something fun to duel with! Hey, wanna see how your favorite is against my heroes?” he questioned, surprise quickly fading back into a smile, as always. She wasn't sure there was a second he could be anything but a ball of sunshine – And had they met for real at the exams, she was sure his cheeriness would've driven her crazy. Probably.

But even that wasn't enough to make her agree, head shaking as they followed the well-worn path towards the other side of the island. So he played a hero deck... “N' way, Jaden. Y' would cream m' in a second. I barely made it through th' entrance exams, an' definitely n' interested in getting' beat jus' yet.”

He seemed to take the rejection well, though she didn't miss the glimmer of disappointment in his eyes, hidden behind his usual grin. He was the kid who beat Dr. Crowler, famous among the school for that feat, or so she'd heard; why would she want to let Eria stretch her legs if all that awaited her was a hero punch to the face? And why did she feel the urge to say yes anyway when she knew he'd win in a single turn against her deck?

The brunette rolled his shoulders, the disappointment gone so fast she wondered if she'd imagined it. Either the idea of adventuring around the beach was enough to bring him back from it, or the sunlight was playing tricks on her... Whatever it was, she couldn't stop her own smile from pulling at her lips. “Maybe after I d' some tweakin'...?”

“Now you're talking my language! Need any help with it?”

“Considerin' I wouldn't know where t' start.... B' y' don't hafta.”

“Nah, it's totally fine. What's in your deck now?”

Her footsteps slowed, reaching behind her to flip open the case on her belt and pull her deck free. No more than half a second later, Jaden stopped with her, neither noticing Syrus continuing ahead without them. “Like I said, m' favorite,” she explained, passing the stack of cards to him as they came to a stop. “Eria th' Water Charmer an' Familiar-Possesed Eria. B' th' rest is jus' backup.”

And by the way he practically became the sun while he flipped through them, she could only imagine the plans he had in mind. “You've got a Luster Dragon in here? I've never seen one in person-! And there's an Aussa... Interested in help?”

“Y' really don't hafta-”

“Nope, I don't. But I want to. What's a friend for, right?”

Friend. They'd met all of possibly half an hour ago, and he already saw her a friend. Despite the fact she shouldn't have been surprised, she was, feeling her cheeks flush a bit. Again, if he noticed he didn't make any mention of it, rearranging her cards with Eria on top. “...Y' jus' met m'. How.. How can y' call m' a friend s' easily?”

“What, you need to know people forever to be friends?” His tone was light, lined with the barest hints of laughter. And when he gently took her hand, pressing her deck back into her palm, she couldn't find any reason to jump away from him. The defensive shell usually present whenever she was around others had melted off, leaving her to watch him run ahead a moment later, stop, and wave at her. “C'mon! Sy's already gone ahead!”

He had a point. What harm would there be in trusting him? He'd not given her a reason to keep her distance – yet, anyway – and even offered help... Her urge to keep away from him physically seemed to have fled, too, especially with how she was running ahead with a laugh to nudge his side. “Last one there's a rotten Mystic Tomato?”

Any surprise he'd had in her touch melted into a wicked grin, waiting for her to slide her deck into its case before replying. “More like does the others' homework for a day- and I'm gonna win that bet!” And in a flash he was off, Aoi giving a whine before following suit, quickly blowing past a startled  Syrus. “Cheater!”

“Gotta keep up!”

“I plan on it!” she called back, barely three steps behind him with a laugh. Maybe having a friend in the boy wouldn't be so bad- Though she'd have to get used to his excitement, her gaze drifting to the ground under his feet. Jaden Yuki... Oh, how wrong she'd been at the exams. There was nothing weak about him- though he was easy to lose track of, raven ducking under a branch as their race hit the forest.

“Still back there?”

“Trust m', I'm gonna keep up with y' if it's th' last thing I d'!”

[toastnekohime]

By The Pulse Of A Heartbeat

Part four of a 2018 Camp NaNoWriMo Yu-Gi-Oh! GX Elementshipping novel. Based on rp’s between myself ( @getyouraoion ) and my amazing, precious Twin’s Jaden ( @kiibx ), By The Pulse Of A Heartbeat tells the story of how Aoi and Jaden met at Duel Academy and formed their incredibly tight friendship, eventually falling into a relationship, and how they handle the various threats thrown at them over their three years of schooling.

There are currently no triggers, but should any arise, they will be tagged.

STILL IN PROGRESS. Please forgive any typos you may find~

Tagging @starisia, as this wouldn’t exist without my wonderful Twin <3

Summary:

Duel Academy is the place to be, the dream school for many kids. Be it through intense studying, duel prep schools, scholarships, or being rich enough to buy their way in, most kids have had their sights set on it for a long time, knowing it to be the perfect place to start towards a career as a professional duelist. Someone has to Dethrone Yugi and take the title of King of Games, and everyone wants a shot!

Except that is, for Aoi Sakazaki.

Falling in love with Duel Monsters when her father bought her several cards in her childhood, she makes the choice to try her hand at the entrance exams, despite having no idea what she wants to do with her life… And just barely squeaks her way in. Her poor exams scores, combined with even poorer grades, land her a solid spot in the Academy’s Slifer Red dorm - The lowest of the low, where students are almost expected to drop out if they don’t advance to Ra Yellow or Obelisk Blue, first.

The rank comes with the rest of the school looking down on them, as well as the worst lodging the furthest distance from the main campus and fewest privileges  compared to the other dorms. But it also brings a surprise friend in fellow Slifer student Jaden Yuki, who seems to have absolutely no problem with the hand they’ve been dealt.

It’s not long before Aoi and Jaden find themselves caught up in a whirlwind of an adventure, dealing with exams, classes, ‘evil’ teachers, and somehow still finding enough time to explore the island they now call home. But living on Academy Island isn’t all fun and games; shortly after their schooling begins, things around their home begin to change, and rarely for the better.

Neither friend has any idea what lies in wait for them in the next three years… But is it an adventure they’ll be able to tackle together, or will it end their time at the school - and them - before it’s even begun?

It’s time to put their skills where their mouths are and find out!

All it took was a minute of being inside the school itself to realize Kaiba had gone all out with his funding. The lobby was one grand room, elaborate and beautiful in nature. And containing nature, to boot, small gardens and even trees planted in raised flower beds underneath sections of the roof turned into skylights. Benches sat around each, students dotting the room and the less elaborate halls.

Without classes beginning for another day, the classrooms had proven to be empty- Save one, that was, containing the students who'd been on the helicopter, as well as a few others. All decked out in their uniforms, Aoi couldn't help but feel like a duclking waiting for the mother duck to show up on the massive screen on the wall, displaying the school's logo.

Leaning back, she took a glance at the line students behind her; aside from her, there were only two other girls, one in blue, the other yellow. Even among the boys, there were few who wore red; was it some kind of fashion statement or something? Why were the yellow and blue uniforms so popular? Even better, why were the boy's blue uniform blazers so fancy?

At least Syrus wore red, she noticed, facing front and finally spotting the boy in the front row. A slight lean to the left showed Jaden in a matching red blazer, head bowed and posture slumped, though she couldn't tell why from two rows behind them. They'd had a long flight... Maybe tired? Even if he'd slept through more than half of it, from what she could tell, skimming the rest of the group to find Bastion off to the other side in the row before her.

The screen finally flickered to life, the smiling face displayed one she instantly recognized from a picture in the lobby, prompting her to straighten up just a little more as his lips parted. “Good morning and welcome, my students! I'm Chancellor Sheppard, the headmaster here, and you are the best and brightest young duelists in the world.”

The sound of snoring caught her attention, the barest bit of a lean showing her a still slumped Jaden. Was... Was he actually asleep?!

“Now please, get yourselves settled in at your assigned dorms. I think you'll find them quite comfortable- Depending on how well you ranked, of course!” The laughter that followed had her pouting; what did he mean by 'ranked'? Whatever it was, the chancellor at least seemed kind, easing just a few more of her nerves. “Remember to pick up your PDAs on your way out, as well. They'll be your lifeline- You don't want to lose that!”

The dismissal right after was brief before the feed cut out, Aoi taking the chance to rub her temples while Syrus nudged at Jaden's side. These were her classmates... Confusing ones, too, given Jaden's ability to bolt by her at a dead run within just seconds of waking and being told what to do next. Still, it was hard not to smile, turning on her heel to follow after him once Syrus had passed by, too. Definitely wouldn't be routine schooling with them around, that was for sure.

The steps up to the doors would take some getting used to, reminding her of the university classrooms her father had told her about. For a moment, she caught herself wondering what his university had been like; was it as strict as Duel Academy? Uniforms? Where was it? She'd have to ask the next time they spoke, barely hearing the aide outside the classroom door ask for her name before handing her a PDA.

The bit of electronics had a decent weight in her hand, feeling much like the portable game console she'd packed away in one of her suitcases. Silvery grey in color, it had a stylus tucked into a slot at the top and a clear plastic panel serving as a cover. A cover she wouldn't open until she'd found her way out the school's front doors, either, not wanting to get lost on her first day.

Figuring out the menus meant she barely cast Bastion a glance when he passed by, slowly working out where to find her dorm assignment. Slifer Red... It explained the red of her uniform, at least, but then why was Bastion in yellow? Or the other kids in blue? Or Syrus sitting against one of the decorative stone carvings of duel monsters- Wait. If he was there, she doubted Jaden was far behind, though she could still muster her courage and try asking him for an explanation.

“Well now, let's see here... Yellow sleeves, yellow buttons... I don't think so,” Bastion remarked, his voice stopping her in her tracks. From where she stood, she could see a leg shift into view from the other side of the stone, clad in light grey pants; how had she known Jaden wouldn't be far from Syrus?

“So what?! Ever think I'm colorblind?”

“Well no, actually, I didn't. Are you colorblind?”

“Haha- Nah, but I couldda been.”

Yet again, she felt the need to rub her temples, barely managing to hide a smile. It figured that the bright sun that seemed to be Jaden couldn't stay irritated for long, waving at Bastion's back as he started to walk away. But his sense of humor... Cheesy, silly and something else all wrapped into one, she wasn't sure if she should laugh or groan, and instead turned her attention back to her PDA... Until the yellow clad male jerked a thumb over his shoulder, commenting on the direction their dorm was in.

So colors meant different buildings... That figured, too, though she had no interest in following the boys just yet. The deck case shoved underneath the back of her shirt had been digging into her skin since before the introduction, and all she wanted was to get her bag and stick it back in there until a better solution came up.

But a step down the walkway with her eyes still pinned on the PDA, searching for where her bag would be, came with very nearly colliding with another. Barely catching a glimpse of blue, she forced herself to a sudden stop, head lifting to find herself far too close and face to face with a raven-haired male flanked by two other students. Her surprise lasted for all of a moment before the defensive feeling jumped into its place, the red-clad teen quick to back off and put some space between them. “Watch where y' goin'. Or d' y' always run int' distracted girls?”

She hadn't meant to snap, but with the way he smirked, she had a feeling it didn't matter. “Look here, fresh Slacker meat, fresh off the boat. Get over yourself- If you think I even care about touching a Slifer Slacker, you've got another thing comin'.”

“Cocky. Mama raised y' real polite, huh?”

“I didn't say you could speak to me!”

“Didn't hafta. As long as I can move m' lips an' produce a sound, y' can deal with m'. N' why don't y' get over yourself?”

Dark eyes narrowed, his smirk going from cocky and sarcastic to downright furious. If he was trying to hide it, it wasn't working, she wanted to note, retreating into her own defensive 'shell' and readying herself for another onslaught of 'insults'. This was the kind of person she didn't really mind snarking at, especially when he snapped back and added fuel to the fire – reasons why she couldn't stand strangers.

“You've got a big mouth for a nothing. You wanna try that again?” His arms lifted, crossing over his chest. “Not worth my time.”

She could say the same for him, though bit her tongue on that one, grip tightening on her PDA. “Jerk-”

“Awww, is the widdle red upset? Gonna go cry to mommy 'cause the better man won?”

“At least m' hair doesn't look like a buzzsaw.”

His friends were on him in a heartbeat, holding him back and pleading with 'the Chazz' to take it easy as his insults in return became nothing more than a sputtering, angry mess. Taking that as her cue, Aoi stuck her tongue out, making a mental note of the name they were calling him and ducking around the three to flee. She'd thought things would be crazy with just Jaden... To be fair, though, if she never saw Chazz again, it'd be too soon!

Finally locating the pile of bags with the aid of the device in her hand, the new Slifer gabbed hers up and headed in the direction Bastion had earlier pointed out. The walk was quiet, at least once she'd left the main campus, and finally gave her a chance to breathe. So much had happened already, and it'd only been a few hours... Duel Academy was already nothing like she'd imagined it.

Tucking the PDA into her bag's front pocket beside her book, she slung it over her shoulder, studying the scenery around her. The island really was beautiful... She'd honestly thought the school would be somewhere else, accessible by car, or walking, and definitely not as colorful as it was. Instead, she got a sea of students in yellow, blue, and red, an island with the most mild weather ever for the middle of October, and a lot of red clothing coming her way, no doubt.

But it wasn't that bad, especially if she ignored Chazz. The Chancellor seemed nice, as did many of the staff members she'd either met or passed by already. And being a Slifer Red meant she'd be sharing a dorm with a kid who honestly reminded her of the sun rising in the morning, eager and bright and lighting up everything around him. Every time she thought he'd be somewhere else and unseen for the rest of the year, he kept getting placed right back in her path... And she wasn't really willing to fight it anymore. Besides, he made her smile – And nobody said they needed to be friends, after all.

Lost in her thoughts, the dorm came up faster than she'd expected for such a long walk, though the building was anything but what she'd though of. Bearing the red roof she'd seen from the harbor, she could spot every instance of peeling paint from where she stood, the entire exterior worn and in desperate need of a bit of TLC. “Kindda looks like a treehouse someone forgot 'bout,” she muttered, pulling her bag around her just long enough to check her PDA for her room number. Maybe it looked better on the inside...

Quickly realizing her room was on the second level, she took the steps two at a time, even pausing when one gave a creak darker and deeper than just being an old, creaky staircase. No wonder there were so few of them that she'd seen; nobody else would want to live in a place like this!

Thankfully, the steps held out without a problem, leaving her to make her way past two doors. The middle room, huh... Not a problem, though the doorknob squeaked a little when she turned it, a match for the equally as vocal door the second it started moving. 'A bit of TLC' might've been an understatement if even the doors complained.

The scent of nail polish hit her nose first and foremost,a familiar smell that gave rise to a pang of homesickness. She'd always loved it when her mother had helped her with her nails, making a big 'manicure day' of it, though she doubted what was going on was anything like that. And when a pair of blue eyes glanced up at her from one of the three connected desks lining the right wall, that thought was proven absolutely true.

She'd not expected roommates, though that had been stupid on her part. The other girl seemed harmless enough; light, almost ashy blonde hair pulled back into a high ponytail, pale skin, watching her while blowing on her nails.. Oh yeah. Definitely harmless, but it still wouldn't lower her urge to be defensive, anyway. “Sorry. Shouldda knocked- I'm y' roommate.”

The girl simply blew on her nails once more before leaning back in her chair. “Hey Mia, the third bunk's getting filled up after all.”

A second girl stuck her head around the ladder from the bottom bunk faster than anything, Aoi biting her tongue to keep from laughing at the thought of her as a meerkat, popping up out of nowhere-

“...6. Dated hairstyle, nails aren't done, uniform's not showing off enough.”

Though it was a desire that quickly faded, expression falling. Really? They were rating her appearance? Was this beauty school or Duel Academy? “...I'm fine jus' th' way I am, thanks. Name's Aoi.”

Mia crawled out from her bunk, tugging at her uniform once she was on her feet to fix what Aoi could only imagine were imaginary wrinkles. The only creases visible were from the fabric being folded, considering her own still bore the same. “I'm Mia, she's Kassidy.” She waved a hand at the blonde now blowing on the nails of her other hand, using the first to give a half-hearted attempt of a wave. “The middle bunk's open. You can have that one... Do you really wear your hair in pigtails like that all the time?”

She swallowed the urge to ask if Mia kept her auburn hair tied up in curlers all night for the light wave and curls she had going on like her grandmother usually did, choosing instead to close the door behind her and remove her backpack from her shoulder. “Mhm. I like m' pigtails,” she managed out, kicking off her boots and stepping fully into the room. It wasn't all that large, the beds and desks taking up most of the space, but it'd be enough for the three of them to live comfortably and not be constantly running into each other, at least.

Shoving her bag onto the middle bunk, she looked back to the door, ignoring the quick flash of by now familiar brunette hair passing by its small window. They had a sink and small stove, already decked out with a kettle and one cup, though she assumed there'd be more in the cabinets underneath. The doors to the right of it had been opened, too, one side containing a closet, complete with small drawers and just barely enough room for her clothes among those already hung up, the other nothing more than a toilet. At least they didn't need an outhouse for a middle of the night 'nature' run...

Only then did she realize Mia'd lost interest in her, turning to find the petite and pretty girl leaning against one of the desks, watching Kassidy carefully brush a layer of clear over her nails. “Did you see that Obelisk boy earlier? I think his name was Hideki...”

“The black haired one by the big tree? C'mon, Mia, everyone saw him. He's absolutely dreamy – nobody would want to look away. I didn't.”

“I wouldn't mind even five minutes alone with him~! I hear his father owns his own company. Cute and rich!”

By the time they'd both looked back to her, Aoi had taken to simply staring at them with a blank look. Just the thought of going on a date was unsettling... Not as much as actually being that close to a guy for 'fluffy' reasons, but unsettling all the same.

“What about you, Aoi? Anyone here catch your eye yet~?”

The question snapped her from her daze, unable to stop a slight shudder. “N' way. N' interested in a romance. I'm here t' duel, n' get close t' boys.” Lifting the back of her shirt some, she slipped her deck case out from where it'd been pressed into her back. If they wanted boys, that was their thing, but she had more important things to worry about.

“Oh, c'mon. There's gotta be someone. This island's filled with cute boys! So many dates to be had!”

Another shudder slipped free, though she covered that one with pulling a belt from her backpack and loosely wrapping it around her hips. The case slipped onto it, thin belt sliding through the loop on the back, and in no more than a few seconds, she had the buckle done up and case pushed behind her, where it belonged. Having her deck just made things feel a little.. Better, kindda. “Why d' I hafta b' interested? I'm n'. I'm workin' towards bein' a duelist.”

Thankfully, the girls shared a glance and a shrug just as she spotted her suitcases near the closet. Another quick root through her bag produced a small music player and earbuds, quick to pop the headphones into her ears and hit first the power button, then play. Her PDA had made mention of a welcome dinner for the dorm, but it wasn't for another two hours- just enough time to get unpacked and ignore the conversation at hand!

Or rather, enough time for her to completely forget the meaning of unpacking,one of two suitcases done while the second lay on the floor,half unpacked and the remaining contents a complete mess. Armed with a needle and thread from a travel sewing kit, Aoi had taken instead to cutting off the sleeves of the blazer left for her as promised, carefully hemming the arm holes to make a vest from it. She'd brought three sweatshirts of her own; it wasn't like she'd be cold.

A pair of black boots sat beside her while she worked, red magic marker resting on top of them while the freshly colored tongues dried. This idea would probably get her into trouble, but if Jaden could wear a t-shirt and light grey jeans with an open blazer when everyone else was mostly uniform with turtlenecks and dark pants, why couldn't she change up her uniform, too? As long as she wore her dorm's color, what was the problem? She had the sewing skills; it wasn't like she was going to look horrible with it!

She'd barely finished one arm hole when Kassidy plucked one of the small purple buds from her ear. “Hey. That dumb welcome dinner's starting in a few minutes. You coming?”

A glance at her PDA and the window said the other was right; the sun had nearly set in her distraction, 7 in the evening no more than a couple minutes away. And there was no way she was missing dinner when none of her group on the helicopter had gotten lunch, either, though she did lean away from Kassidy once she realized how close the other teen was. “Er.. Yeah. Never had lunch...”

“Great way to work on your figure-”

“N' really.” Setting aside her work, Aoi forced herself to her feet, ignoring the aches of having sat in one position for far too long. She'd had the perfect platform to work on between her lap and suitcase, though instantly regretted it on the first step towards her red boots by the door. “I'm starvin'. Wonder how th' food is.”

Her roommate shrugged. “Dunno. Didn't want to try it for lunch. I've been here since this morning- Mia was here sooner. Went ahead, too.”

That explained why they were the only ones in the room, at least. Her boots were a quick slip on, and in less than 30 seconds she'd gotten the creaking door open and body back outside. The weather had cooled with the setting sun, albeit it to just barely a chill. Compared to the already freezing weather back home, this was paradise!

But Kassidy didn't seem to think the same, crossing her arms over her chest and making a grand show of shivering once she was outside. “I'm gonna g' ahead,” she managed out, quickly making her way down the balcony and connected stairs, lest the blonde notice the incredibly hard roll of her eyes she couldn't hold back. The school was worth dealing with her boy-crazy roommates.

Spotting several boys headed to the other side of the relatively small dorm, she followed after, not at all surprised to find their cafeteria set against the main building. But that said nothing for the shock of finding it to be hardly larger than two or three of the dorm rooms put together, tables pressed to the walls to make two rows with four stools to each, two on each side and a tray for each seat. It was crowded, for sure, but so long as nobody touched her, she could deal with it, just like everything else.

Grabbing the first seat she saw, she cast a smile to the three boys already at her table, careful to adjust her skirt so it wouldn't ride up. There was no way she was wearing that thing for an entire year-! Though... On a quick look around, there were only three girls aside from herself and her roommates, the rest of the small group made up of boys making faces at the trays set out. Not surprising; dueling had always been ruled by men, even she knew that... Though she'd never seen anyone make a face at their food-

Or lack thereof, she realized, finally looking down to her own tray. 'Meager' didn't begin to explain the few small fish and rice, and.. What even was that with it? This was their welcome dinner?

“Check out our headmaster- It's a cat!”

She snorted, leaning towards the table and propping her head up on her hand, elbow set by her tray. “Story of m' life... An' definitely par f' th' course.” Figured her bad luck would follow her to the academy... “B' th' cat's cute.”

The boy sitting across from her matched her snort with one of his own, waving a hand. “'Least we won't have much homework,” he joked, winning a grin from the pigtailed teen before the the kitchen emptied itself, admitting a new, far older face to the room with a broad smile.

“Hello, children! I'm Professor Banner. Now, before we eat, I'd like you each to tell us something about your-”

“Mm, this stuff's good!”

Aoi sighed, turning on her stool for a glimpse of Jaden several tables back, already shoving food in his face. Somehow, she'd expected that, stifling a giggle with a lightly clenched fist. If the one thing he had to say about himself was that he was starving on Syrus's note, then she knew all she needed to about the brunette!

It was even harder to hide her giggles as Banner passed by, resorting to biting her finger to hopefully stop them. But it was the announcement they could just dig in that finally broke her, the student's silence further broken by her own quick cry of “finally!” and Jaden's resulting laugh as she grabbed a fish to shove in her mouth. The stares from the boys around her did little in the way of bothering her; how could they when they finally had food!? And good food, to boot!

Maybe this academy wouldn't be so bad after all!

[toastnekohime]

By The Pulse Of A Heartbeat

Part two of a 2018 Camp NaNoWriMo Yu-Gi-Oh! GX Elementshipping novel. Based on rp’s between myself ( @getyouraoion ) and my amazing, precious Twin’s Jaden ( @kiibx ), By The Pulse Of A Heartbeat tells the story of how Aoi and Jaden met at Duel Academy and formed their incredibly tight friendship, eventually falling into a relationship, and how they handle the various threats thrown at them over their three years of schooling.

There are currently no triggers, but should any arise, they will be tagged.

STILL IN PROGRESS. Please forgive any typos you may find~

Tagging @starisia, as this wouldn’t exist without my wonderful Twin <3

Summary:

Duel Academy is the place to be, the dream school for many kids. Be it through intense studying, duel prep schools, scholarships, or being rich enough to buy their way in, most kids have had their sights set on it for a long time, knowing it to be the perfect place to start towards a career as a professional duelist. Someone has to Dethrone Yugi and take the title of King of Games, and everyone wants a shot!

Except that is, for Aoi Sakazaki.

Falling in love with Duel Monsters when her father bought her several cards in her childhood, she makes the choice to try her hand at the entrance exams, despite having no idea what she wants to do with her life… And just barely squeaks her way in. Her poor exams scores, combined with even poorer grades, land her a solid spot in the Academy’s Slifer Red dorm - The lowest of the low, where students are almost expected to drop out if they don’t advance to Ra Yellow or Obelisk Blue, first.

The rank comes with the rest of the school looking down on them, as well as the worst lodging the furthest distance from the main campus and fewest privileges  compared to the other dorms. But it also brings a surprise friend in fellow Slifer student Jaden Yuki, who seems to have absolutely no problem with the hand they’ve been dealt.

It’s not long before Aoi and Jaden find themselves caught up in a whirlwind of an adventure, dealing with exams, classes, ‘evil’ teachers, and somehow still finding enough time to explore the island they now call home. But living on Academy Island isn’t all fun and games; shortly after their schooling begins, things around their home begin to change, and rarely for the better.

Neither friend has any idea what lies in wait for them in the next three years… But is it an adventure they’ll be able to tackle together, or will it end their time at the school - and them - before it’s even begun?

It’s time to put their skills where their mouths are and find out!

“Now don't forget extra socks. Wool ones, too. And your toothbrush.”

Aoi rolled her eyes, shoving a pair of wool socks into her suitcase. Several of her bags would be sent ahead, like many other student's, only leaving the need for a backpack with a few changes of clothes, should something happen and the bag shipment get delayed. But... What would wool socks do on an island? “Er... Mom... It's an island. Don't think I'mma need wool socks.”

“Islands get cold.”Across the room from her, her mother crossed her arms over her chest. Blue eyes narrowed, she leaned back in the desk chair, almost daring her to counter her words; couldn't they just agree she'd probably never need them? Because a look like that was one she wasn't going to fight! “And you're going in the middle of fall. Pack some warm clothing.”

“They have uniforms.”

“I don't care what they have, honey. I'm your mother and I say pack warm.”

Why did parents always fall back on that argument? 'I'm older than you, so do as I say'? It never made sense to her, but she still found herself obeying the elder raven and adding a heavier sweatshirt to her suitcase. At least the fact they actually had uniforms at the academy meant she could pack relatively light with her own clothing, knowing she wouldn't be wearing it much aside from days off. If that, really.

Two more shirts found their way in before Aoi picked the letter up off her bed for another skim. It was so odd to see her name in such a formal letter, on official stationary marked with the now familiar 'DA' logo of the academy, no matter what the message contained. Hard to believe in just two weeks she'd be a student there, wearing their colors and uniforms and learning with the best.

“At least they're makin' us fly,” Aoi muttered, dropping onto her bed to sit. While the first half was the standard 'you're accepted, welcome to the academy' letter, the rest of it contained instructions on where she needed to be and when to catch her flight to the school, situated on an island they weren't telling her the exact location of. Anything pertaining to where she needed to go on arrival would be handled once she was there – until then, she just needed to be ready for a move into her new dorm and a flight that would last only gods knew how long.

Her mother finally uncrossed her arms, tucking loose strands of raven black hair back into her bun and away from her face. “Are you sure this is what you want, honey? You've never been that far from home before, or for so long.”

“Or even flown.”

Both mother and daughter looked up to the doorway, her father grinning back at them as he dusted wood shavings off his shirt. The scent of wood that followed him was a comforting one, at least, easing away any nerves frazzled by her mother's reminder of just how far the island would be from Domino. “I'm sure. If I'm gonna b' a duelist worthy of any rank, I gotta d' this.”

“Then you want to join the professionals?” her father asked, slowly sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Duelists are cropping up everywhere, Aoi, and all because of Yugi. He didn't need a boarding school out in the middle of the sea to be famous or get promotional deals. Neither did Mr. Kaiba.”

“Dad, Mr. Kaiba's th' CEO of his own company an' Yugi's grandfather owns th' Kame Shop. They had a hand in getting where they are.”

“And you don't?”

“...Y' work f' th' power company an' carve wood in y' spare time.”

His lips parted to reply, though when no sound came out, they were pressed back together and followed with a shrug of defeat. Everyone in town knew the names of Seto Kaiba and Yugi Motou; they were the reasons, Yugi especially, the game of Duel Monsters was what it'd become. Sure, she could probably reach their level without the academy; they'd done it without special schooling, after all. But with the way the Pro League circuits had been set up, getting a diploma from a place like an academy funded by Kaiba himself would do wonders in not only launching her career, but getting her the deals and manager and promotional team she'd need.

And yet, it was taking everything in her to bite her tongue and avoid telling them both she wasn't sure. Going to Duel Academy was the right step; she could feel that much in her heart. But did she really want to be a professional after it all? Was being the next King of Games the goal she wanted for herself? As much as she loved the game and wanted to do something with her skills... Was this really it?

Bringing that up now when her parents would soon start getting the bills for her tuition was completely out of the question. She was meant to be at the school, yes, but even she knew telling them she was confused on what to do with her future would make them question her reasons for attending. No thanks.

“Besides,” she continued after a moment, “it's a school that's gonna d' good things f' m' an' m' deck. I barely made it in... I need t' study th' game.” Even if the thought of studying made her inwardly groan, turning her eyes back down to the letter in her hands. Takeoff at nine in the morning, be there for eight the latest- Wait, eight? “They want m' up b' six in th' morning!?”

Her parents shared a glance, slowly breaking out into smiles. “Kotomi, I don't think our daughter reads things through.”

“Mm-mm. It's the six in the morning part. You know she won't get up before 11 without being forced.”

“I'm still sittin' right here!”

“Ah, Aoi, you're here?”

With a groan, Aoi rose from her bed, pointing at the door. “Out. G' out s' I can finish packin', wouldya? I need t' get this done s' it's ready t' ship out.”

“I don't know.. Should we, Hideyo? She's looking like she'll forget Mr. Piggy...”

Her gaze flickered to the old and battered pig toy set on her dresser. She really had intended on leaving that at home; nobody knew what the dorms would look like, and for all she knew a wooden pig with wheels for legs and feet would just get in the way. Leave to her mother to just be able to read her like an open book. “OUT!”

The moment Kotomi was on her feet, Aoi gently pushed her out the door, her father quick to follow with a laugh... One she could muffle by closing the door behind them. She had enough on her mind and even more to do; having her parents sitting in her room would just be a distraction! Though they did remind her she needed at least one pig, soon after leaving her door to grab the smaller plush piglet off her nightstand and shove it into her suitcase. One of the six or seven sitting around her room wasn't bad, right?

It took several minutes more of shoving clothing into her bag before the letter stole her attention away once more. Slowly, the pigtailed teen ran her fingertips along the crisp stationary, tracing out the logo. Duel Academy... She wasn't sure why, but something in her heart said this was the right step to take. It didn't matter what he future held – She was a duelist, wanted to learn to be a better one, and the academy was the place to go for that. The competition would be fierce...

“We're gonna d' it, right Eria?” she whispered, patting the deck case on her belt. One way or another, she'd make it through to graduation. She'd make herself study and become the best duelist the world had ever seen! Figuring out what to do after could wait for the after!

But not without collecting a mesh bag for laundry out of her closet and a sweatshirt, first.

“Whoever invented packin' needs t' meet m' charmers.”