#also fucking Batman has a whole ass rogue gallery USE THEM! when was the last time we got a fucking live action poison ivy??? Tumblr posts

[kacievvbbbb]

I need someone that believes in magic to get ahold of Batman again. He is an overly serious man that runs around in an admitted bat suit fighting a gimmick rouge gallery. And he is doing it because he sincerely believes in a better tomorrow and somewhere along the way we have lost the plot. Batman wasn’t created to punish the guilty that is actually completely antithetical to his beliefs he is not the fucking punisher.

Batman just like wonder woman and Superman primarily wants to save people! sure he doesn’t do it in a sunny way but that is still what drives him. Hell he even goes a step further and actually builds a case he’s not just waiting for criminals to commit the crime he is shutting down smuggling and trafficking rings foiling plots he is a detective! For Christs sake it’s what made him so unique and fun as a superhero.

Also His desire to save people is literally what compels him to adopt Dick, Jason, Stephanie. Cass because he wanted to give these kids a chance, to save them in ways 8year old him wasn’t. Someone who just wants to punish the guilty wouldn’t do that, And now they have turned him into a borderline physically and emotionally abusive absentee parent all in the name of making him an edge lord. Where is the heart! Where is the fucking heart in it all! Where are the kids and the bright colors and the zaniness. Let Batman and Gotham be FANTASTICAL! I’m tired of the greys and the browns.

I’m tired of “grounding a story” meaning sucking all the joy and color out if it. Also superhero stories don’t need to be grounded in your fucking abysmal reality they are literally superheroes they exist outside of reality, let them!

A story does not have to be joyless to have depth and it does not have to be nihilist to be compelling.

I am sick and I am tired of it. 😔

[iphoenixrising]

The Demon You Know

Day 1 Urban Fantasy AU | Magical/Supernatural Creatures | Time Travel

So, something a little off the grid for my first day of DickTim Week 2021. Special thanks to my wonderful babe @vellaphoria for the beta and the incredible peeps on the Capes and Coffee discord (looking at you @themandylion, @strawberryjei and others). Also need to show my undying love for @chippon because babe, we are making it work.

**

When the sun creeps up over the sky in Gotham, then it’s time to GTFO. Capes in the daytime aren’t the usual for the city, and Red Robin has been playing it too late, staying out far past O’s warning to bring it in for the night. So, really, he’s only got himself to blame.

His penthouse perch has seen more use in the last few months since, welp, Gotham and the fact he likes to get away from the team mentality sometimes, like to return to his roots and run the rooftops like when he was still that Robin. His trips to the Manor had become more frequent since B was back in the cowl and things in the family seemed to be returning to some semblance of normal. 

Well, as normal as it could get, really.

But all that goodwill and positivity is literally ghost. Red’s hands are shaky and his inner calm is absolutely blown. He’s ducking into his perch to throw his suit off, grab his duffle bag full of sundries and fake idents, then he’s going to hit the airport as fast as he can get a flight the hell out of town, away from the terrifying sight.

(He should just call Bart or Kon or Cassie, tell them he needs an out faster than he can arrange it himself, he needs to get away from–)

He knows he fucked up when the slight sounds, small and metallic in nature, make it past his pulse thumping in his ears.

Like a horror flick, he slowly turns as the front door gives a groan and is pushed open by a very familiar palm.

Dick’s blue eyes fall on him like a ton of bricks, on Red Robin’s feet frozen to the floor, his suit only half on, and no way he can get far enough to throw himself out a window.

Fuck.

“So,” Dick keeps his voice soft, footsteps easy as he steps inside Tim’s penthouse and closes the door behind him, “you finally found me out.”

Keeping his mouth shut in times like this has really saved his ass before, so Red doesn’t say a word, keeps every muscle in his body ready to spring for the right second –

Watching the would-be robber struggle in Dick’s grip, watching the light show brighten overwhelmingly, seeing what had to be-had to be feeding.

“I figured it would be you if anyone, actually, so I’m not really surprised, just… disappointed.” Dick continues softly, only in jeans and a t-shirt since Nightwing was oddly missing from the patrol roster last night.

And Red is apparently the only one that knows why.

“But that doesn’t mean I can just let you go, Timmy,” Dick isn’t stopping, his whole body lax while Red is wound tight, backing away from the man he thought he knew. “I really wish you hadn’t found out like this. I...I had other plans.” 

Whirlybirds and pellets aren’t going to help him here. Hand-to-hand and martial arts, aerial acrobatics, none of it is going to make a difference. 

His throat goes dry when Dick’s eyes get more and more blue, when his former mentor doesn’t stop advancing, and Red Robin is running out of room to back away.

“I tried to save you, Timmy. I tried so hard to get you away, out of Gotham, even if you went because you thought you had to find Bruce, I’m the one that gave you the compulsion to leave.” The low laugh is edged with something desperate, “why the hell couldn’t you stay away?”

“This is my city, just as much as Batman’s. You taking my fucking cape wasn’t enough,” Red Robin bites out, back thumping against the kitchen counter, realizing Dick had backed him into the corner. “How did you keep it from him? Constantine, Zatanna, all the magic users he has on speed dial and he never figured you out? No one in the JLA or Titans did?”

That makes Dick pause.

“He never had to. He knew what my parents were before they ever died, Timmy. Haley’s Circus came to Gotham regularly. Bruce always knew.”

The information blast hits him painfully, that Bruce didn’t bother to tell him and look at where they are now.

“And he didn’t try to help you?” Red, Tim, gapes at the still silhouette that used to be someone he thought he knew like he knew himself. Someone that’s always had this secret. “He didn’t try to –”

“Cure me?” Dick’s mouth lifts in a semblance of a smile Tim knows. “There is no cure for this, Timmy. It’s what I am. What my parents both were, the curse of the Romain Bababiljos. It’s unfortunate for me both of them were cursed, that just makes the...the hunger two-fold.”

And it’s just a few more steps, a raised hand that makes Tim flinch back, but only a fingertip taps the edge of the domino, makes the whiteouts raise.

Automatically, with everything he’s learned, studied, experienced about supernatural creatures, he ducks his head so he isn’t looking directly into those eyes. That doesn’t stop Dick from bracketing Tim in, both hands on the counter, their bodies a breath apart.

Dick laughs softly, close enough for Tim to feel the breath on his face. “The Titans...I never had to tell them. By then, I could control myself, at least mostly. The JLA? I’m one of the Batman’s proteges. I’ve been fighting crime since I was eight. They believe in me. There was never a reason for any of them to look too deeply past the surface.”

“Wh-what do you mean mostly?” Tim’s heart slams in his chest, “how many people have you killed, Dick?”

“Do you have any idea how awful the hunger is?” And the lower Dick’s voice goes, the harder Tim’s heart starts to pound. “Surviving on hugs and family affection is tantamount to starvation for someone like me. It’s so easy to kill someone during sex because the hunger is so much I can’t control it sometimes. Anyone I’m with is in danger.  That’s why I couldn’t stay with Babs, she’s too human. The one time I came close–” 

Dick breathes again and all Tim looks at is the span of throat, thinking of the soft, vulnerable parts, anything he can use to get the fuck away.

“–but I didn’t. I have...willpower sometimes. I drained her so close, though. She was-was so fragile, Timmy, and I was so hungry. I’d been starving for so damn long. She was hospitalized for longer than she’d been when the Joker shot her, and I said never again. But Wally and Kory were...different. I could go further with him without killing them, I could get more full than I’d been in a long time. It was still dangerous for them, but I was so far gone by the time...”

“They’re both still alive. Babs is still alive. Does she–?”

“Remember? Of course not. None of them do. I made sure of that, Tim, so none of them would be afraid of me.”  And the air changes when Dick gets closer, his eyes get brighter, and Tim almost chokes with the almost touch to his body under his suit. “But, you are going to be different, aren’t you? I’m not going to be able to convince your mind that what you saw was a dream.”

“So what? You’re going to make me “disappear”? You’ll give Bruce some sob story about how I got tired of the vigilante life and left for college or some shit? Going to bury me where no one will ever find me?” He isn’t looking at Dick’s face, can’t see his own end coming, can’t believe he’d put all his faith and belief in this man only to have it all come to this.

Tim laughs wetly, blinking rapidly, and everything suddenly comes together. “He won’t ever come looking for me anyway. You made sure of that when you made Damian your Robin. Nice plan, Dick. No one is going to give a shit if I’m never seen again anyway.”

And it’s stupid not to at least try, not to duck and kick out, trip up whatever Dick really is, to break a window and fucking run, try to get Bruce, Clark, Kon and Bart and Cassie, to get anyone to listen to him about what Dick really is, to try to save himself.

(If you’d never figured out Dick was Robin, if you never put yourself in front of him, you’d be safe now. Miserable but safe.)

Even if it’s his own brain pan spitting this out, he knows it’s bullshit. 

If he’d never approached Dick Grayson with proof Batman was losing his mind, Tim Drake wouldn’t have reached twenty-one. The way his life was going, he would have probably hung himself long before getting to this stage in his life. If he’d never had Bruce or Alfred or Dick or Steph, if he’d never had Robin, never had Young Justice or The Titans, if he’d never had the Clench, never felt the rumble under his feet as Gotham had fallen, if he’d never had the agony of losing everyone in his life, if he’d never had the drive to prove his adopted father was alive…

The civilian Tim Drake wouldn’t have had the strength to make it through life alive.

So if this is the way he goes out, if Dick is the one that ends it for him–

There’re worse ways to go.

He’s not going to be the Joker’s next victim or Ra’s al Ghul’s heir with a mix of Lazarus Pit crazy. The HIVE, the Light, the mass of aliens he’s fought, any number of Rogue Gallery thugs, none of them will be the ones to take him out.

But this?

His career as Robin started out with Dick Grayson, so maybe...maybe it’s fitting this is the way it all ends. 

He sucks in a breath and finally tilts his head up, looks up into those electric blue eyes, and lets his breath out so so slow.

Because Dick is looking at him with watery eyes, with a grimace, with something Tim can actually recognize.

But those eyes light up in his penthouse perch, take on a supernatural glow, Dick snatching his wrists in bigger hands, pulling Tim closer, the heat getting through layers of Kevlar and Nomex. And just like that, he can’t pull away, can’t pull back.

There’s no way to defend himself when Dick pulls him in, when he expects to get his throat ripped out, his neck snapped, something important crushed, for the darkness to take over and his heart to slow down to a sad, weak pitter patter.

He can’t defend himself when Dick kisses him, opens his mouth, and stuns him into going completely slack.

“I told you,” Dick growls softly when he pulls back, bends enough to get Tim laid out over his shoulder, “I had other plans.”

But Tim can’t reply, can’t do anything other than lay across Dick’s back as the Romani love deamon strides down the hallway and kicks open the bedroom door.

**

And if Tim Drake survives until morning, shocking the hell out of the both of them, staring up at Dick’s surprised face and glowing blue eyes, if the soft touch to his jaw contrasts sharply with the bruises and red marks blossoming all over his body from an intense night with his supernatural mentor and best friend, if Dick doesn’t whisper, “finally, finally, my mate,” before kissing him. 

If the power Dick drains from him doesn’t kill him, doesn’t do more than give him the most amazing span of unending multiple orgasms to ever happen, if Dick isn’t fully satisfied for the first time in his life. If Dick doesn’t call them both off patrol for the next three nights, carts Tim back to his apartment, refuses him clothes and computers and tech, tells the Titans they’re taking a break from crime fighting while Tim is tied and gagged in his bed, sated enough to listen hazily with half-mast eyes. 

If Dick doesn’t hand feed him while he’s getting feeling back in his legs (finally) and give him the full run-down about his parents. If the strange mark on his abdomen doesn’t get warm whenever Dick’s hand is on it, fingers tracing the edges, making those blue, blue eyes dilate in possessiveness. If Tim doesn’t eventually escape with his sanity intact and a little terrified how much his body craves only to have Dick chase after him with single-minded purposes to convince him they’re meant to be.

Then only the man with cameras all over Gotham, waiting and watching with bated breath and fear for his Robins, unmitigated relief when his theory proves true, would be able to give all the details.

[curious-menace]

The rogue gallery members general reaction to encountering the batman who laughs and his creepy ass Robin's.

ok id like to preface this by saying that red death batman straight up crucified riddler and decapitated scarecrow and the batman who laughs is MUCH worse than red death batman. 

i want to enjoy the dark knights metal but it is needlessly fuckin complicated with all this multiverse oververse omniverse shit. maybe i just don't have the galaxy brain necessary to get it so i apologize if this is all wrong 

(also i know its canon that the batman who laughs has no rogues gallery left, either because he killed them or joker killed them before he turned but hey ho hypotheticals it is)

also no one talk to me about kiss fan lookin riddler from this verse. im not ready. 

Penguin

i think his first reaction was to laugh. Batman’s finally gone and he took joker with him. I mean he literally calls him "bat gimp". I seriously doubt he anticipated the fallout of batman becoming some sort of hideous joker hybrid. he still chuckled when he started seeing the news. someone calling themselves “the batman who laughs” and “the darkest knight” then he sees the robins, he even recognises damien and it makes him a little sick. he books the next flight out of goodwin before things get too hot. 

shame goodwin was burned to the ground to stop anyone leaving gotham. 

with everyone inside. 

Twoface

i dont think its an exaggeration to say he was absolutly fuckin horrified. it's rare that harvey and two face agree on something, but this bastard has to go. the murder and mayhem he could tolerate, hell even killing the other rogues, some of them needed to be stopped. but having to look at this creature and know it was once bruce? harvey knows better than anyone its a fate worse than death to be trapped in your own mind with someone else running the show. they do their best to stop the darkest knight, bring all the hired guns they can to the fight but it wasnt enough. Harvey dies, but at least he went out trying to do the right thing.

Poison Ivy

She sensed him coming, her flowers screaming at her to save herself. part of me wants to hope she took one look at that abomination and noped the fuck out of there to slaughter swamp or something. but we know ivy, she stands her ground like a tree planted by a river. she looks people like batman and joker right in the eye and down the barrel of a gun and says “no, you move” Shes not a good person, but in this verse she might as well be the hero of the story, maybe the only meta human in gotham who stood a chance against him. The batman who laughs was scared of her and thats why she had to die. if she’d just minded her own business she might still be here but no. She dares the batman who laughs to come for her, she’s going to take him out. for what he did to her plants, to gotham, to HER home and HER friends. unfortunately for her ivy was one of the first on his kill list. She doesn't go down without a fight. ironically it was her human qualities, the human drive to help people that got her killed. she heard one of the robins crying and went to investigate. the batman who laughs doesn't care about those robins, he’s got a basement full of jokerized kids to throw at people. 1 to trick her and a few more to hold her down while he doused the lot of them with weedkiller and gasoline then poof.

i doubt the botanical gardens will ever be the same. 

Scarecrow

part of me wants to say he’s loving this. He’s enjoying all the suffering and sadness and fear as the batman who laughs murders everyone and everything from the dandelions upwards . but he cant, not just because he’s not the one causing it. this is fear without meaning or purpose, this is killing hope so thoroughly that there is nothing left for people to fear, not even death. he’s not so foolish as to think he wont also be on the batman who laughs chopping block. so he makes himself scarce, works on a toxin that might be able to stop him or even slow him down so someone has a shot at it. Jon knows hes going to die, its only a matter of time before that thing calling itself the darkest knight sends one of his minions to his doorstep. He’s been working on something to try and help the rabid robins. he has a small soft spot in his cold obsidian heart for kids and looking at these creatures makes him physically ill. 

he thinks hes made a breakthrough, thinks he’s finally got a formula that will effect batman and the joker and hopefully, whatever abomination they’ve become . he decides theres no time like the present to try it out when word of the other rouges deaths reach him. he’s the last one left and thats....well its scary. His surprise attack works, the robins go down without a fight, screaming and scratching at their faces, their throats and each other. regrettable but if he stops the darkest knight now, maybe jon can help them. Just when he thinks he’s got him, scarecrow goes down. so close, he falls at the finishing line, his toxin having as much effect as a gentle summers breeze. Much like the original scarecrow , the batman who laughs likes using guns. For jon however? he makes an exception. poor scarecrow gets eviscerated by his own scythe, pilfered from arkham asylum by the batman who laughs. gotta love the classics, right?

Riddler

Riddler was second on his kill list. only because the batman who laughs knew how much it would annoy riddler not to be at the top. He’s another rogue who stood a chance of stopping him if he really tried. sadly edward is nowhere near as altruistic as harvey, and could never be as strong as ivy. He likes to think his escape is for everyone's benefit. live to fight another day and all that. He learned from harvey and pamelas mistakes, took one look at this new batman and his creepy kids and said “fuck that noise” and tried to run. except he didn't really try. god if he’d only gotten out of the city, he would have been the only rogue that survived. the batman who laughs looks at him like a pathetic insect, unworthy of notice. he’d have killed riddler eventually, maybe put him in a riddle with no answer or a trap with no escape for extra irony points but he wasn't about to stop the little green cockroach from skittling away.  but of course, riddlers ego got in the way; he just HAD to try and best this new batman, no matter how much he scared the shit out of riddler he just HAD to try. and of course, pride comes before downfall. 

The batman who laughs helpfully provided riddler with some rope to help break his fall. 

Harley Quinn

some part of her was happy to have joker back. he was different, scarier but she was used to the abuse. what she wasn't used to were all the kids. she recognised damian wayne but didn't quite put the pieces together to realise it was bruce under there. she thought maybe he was just a random casualty . she tried hard to look after the kids but they act like animals rather than humans, there was nothing she could do.As time went on she found it harder and harder to sit at the right hand of this clown prince of horrors. harley has always been along for the ride, but how are you supposed make the whole world laugh if everyone in it is dead? i dont know what happens to harley in this world. either she leaves and much like joker, the batman who laughs fails to notice, shes killed by him because he was bored or she does when the world is destroyed by barbatos. either way, no happy endings here. 

Thanks for this incredibly depressing ask Ghostly T-T

im kidding, im kidding it was fun! it makes me wish i knew what the everloving FUCK was going on with this verse so i could enjoy it properly. the only comic store i know of has been closed since like march of last year and i don't know what im looking for on amazon to actually order them. i have 1 issue of nth metal but it was interesting enough that i want the collection.

if anyone knows what the collection is actually called hmu bc i wanna buy it. 

yes i could read it online but i like owning the hard copies. 

got something you wana talk about? send me an ask or a dm!💜💙🧡💛💚❤️

[robininthelabyrinth]

Fic: That Cycle Thing (ao3 link)

Fandom: Flash, Legends of Tomorrow Pairing: Barry Allen/Mick Rory Series: Flashwave Week 2018 (Destiny Series)

Summary: "It's kind of weird, though, isn't it," Barry says, sitting in the clinic for the first time. "You know, that being a superhero or a supervillain is correlated with - well, developing a weirdo reproductive system?"

"Not really," Mick says. "See, it's not correlation. It's the other one."

"Causation? Wait, like, being a superhero means you go alpha or omega? But how?"

A/N: @flashwaveweek - Flashwave Week: ABO

——————————————————————————————

"New one, huh?" the big guy asks, not without sympathy.

"Yeah," Barry says. "Is it that obvious?"

"Kind of is," the guy confirms. "Mostly in the freaked-out way your eyes keep darting around. Don't worry. This place is totally confidential and a, what do you call 'em, a safe space."

"I appreciate that," Barry says, very sincerely. "I mean, you hear stories..."

"Pornorgraphy, you mean," the guy says.

Barry laughs. "Yeah, I guess. It's kind of weird, though, isn't it, that being a superhero or a supervillain is correlated with - well, developing a weirdo reproductive system?"

"Not really," the guy says wryly. "See, it's not correlation, it's the other one."

"Causation? Wait, like, being a superhero means you go alpha or omega? But how?"

"You know how a while back, Superman was the only major superhero?"

"Yeah?"

"You know how he and his cousin are basically the last of their species?"

"Yeah?"

"I'd like you to imagine a computer-robot-creature capable of reprogramming the human genetic code being real unhappy with that fact."

"Wait. Are you telling me -"

"The whole alpha-omega shit all of us powered folks get saddled with is designed to make us reproductively compatible with Kryptonians? You bet your ass. Literally, if you're an omega."

"That's - that absolute bullshit! Why not make them compatible with us?!"

"We've all asked that question," the guy says. "All of us. At length. Usually at volume. Everyone reacts differently to finding out about the cycles, but that reaction’s pretty consistent.”

“No wonder.”

“Either way, that’s one of the reasons why capes end up dating each other more often than not. My name's Mick, by the way."

"Barry," Barry automatically replies, then flushes. "I mean -"

"No, no, it's better this way," Mick says. "No hero identities in the clinic. Keeps fights and rivalries from the outside from coming inside."

"Right. That makes sense."

A companionable silence settles on them for a little.

After a few minutes, Barry clears his voice.

"No, it's nothing like the tabloids say it is," Mick says.

"Oh thank god," Barry says. "That stuff about, like, heats and ruts..."

"You get cramps and a mild fever and you're, like, a little more horny than usual," Mick says. "Pretty similar to a woman's menstrual cycle. Nothing at all like the mindless fuck-or-die no-standards do-anyone bullshit you hear about."

Barry sighs in relief.

"Don't get me wrong, sex helps with the cramps and stuff," Mick adds. "But it sure as hell isn't a total loss of your ability to make decisions. Unless you're, like, into that, but that's your own business, y'know?"

"Good," Barry says firmly. "That was - yeah. Not good. I don't know what I was more scared of, the omega heats where you can't say no or the alpha ruts where you don't care if someone else is saying no."

"Yeah, that is definitely not a thing! Anyone who tells you otherwise, they're being dicks. You tell the clinic what they're saying and they'll shut 'em down. Everyone respects the clinic, hero or villain."

"Good," Barry says again, then hesitates. "Uh, one more question, if that's okay..?"

"Sure, shoot."

"How do you, uh, know? Which one you are, I mean. Or which one someone else is."

"There's a bunch of signs," Mick says. "But you usually aren't one or the other, you know."

"What? You're not?"

"Nah. It's got something to do with stress, proximity to other capes, nutrition, hormones, emotional state, whatever, but most people end up swapping dynamics every few years. Pretty rare to be one or another all the time."

"Huh. I didn't know that."

"Most people don't. It's private, you know? Especially with all the misinformation out there."

"Superhero porn," Barry agrees. "Super-heroes, super-popular - and that's even before the cycle thing got into the mix."

"Yep," Mick says. "Congrats, you’re a fetish now. But what can you do?"

“Not much,” Barry agrees.

"Barry!" the nurse calls.

Barry starts. "Oh," he says, starting to get up. "That's me - I've got to go -"

"I'm sure I'll see you around, the way these things go," Mick says, waving. "But, hey - Barry?"

"Yeah?" Barry says, turning back.

"If you ever have any more questions about all this, I'm happy to answer 'em," Mick says. "Cape or no cape." Then he grins wickedly. “And if you ever want some help getting through those cycles, hit me up.”

Barry blinks, taken slightly aback – is he being hit on? He is definitely being hit on, holy crap, he’s being hit on by a very attractive man who is considerate enough to wait until Barry has a built-in excuse to exit the conversation, this is the best day ever – and then, slowly, smiles back at him. "I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks."

"Anytime."

Barry does end up meeting Mick again, sooner than expected - he's a speedster from the Gem Cities, so he's inheriting the mantle of The Flash from Jay Garrick, the older generation, and along with the mantle of the Flash come the Flash's rogues gallery, including the Rogues.

The Rogues, which include Heatwave.

Mick Rory.

Oh, well. It was probably too much to hope for that he'd be a hero.

At least, if he has to be a villain, he's a villain in Barry's jurisdiction. Heroes, Barry had discovered, are extremely territorial about their villains, always insisting on taking lead against them and butting heads over them.

(After the first the time Rogues visit Gotham, Barry abruptly realized that that means they'll be facing Batman's unique brand of massive overkill vengeance only without the vague fondness he has for his own villains; as this was followed immediately by Barry growing a spine and confronting Batman for the first time to insist that he be part of the investigation and subsequent fight, Barry understands the impulse much more.)

But, yeah. Barry goes through his first few cycles - omega cycles, currently - by lying on Iris' couch and making puppy eyes at her until she fetches him chocolate and hot water bottles, but then she gets together with Eddie and it seems a bit rude to impose.

At least Iris assures him she'll continue to pretend to be his love interest, since having one is apparently de rigueur for heroes, since everyone gets very judgy if you're feeling single for a while.

Even Batman has a love interest. Several, even.

But also, going through your cycle alone is...ugh. Mick was right, at least, in that sex isn't required (though superspeed makes taking a bit of time to scratch the itch an irresistible temptation), but Barry's starting to find that company really is.

And he's kind of short of that.

So when he heads out on reluctant patrol during the itching, annoying second night of his heat to find Captain Cold and Heatwave robbing a small jewelry store - no witnesses, no CCTV, barely anything worth taking to the point that Barry kinda suspects that the place is a Family front - he decides to tap Heatwave on the shoulder and say, "Uh, sorry, but at the clinic -"

Cold is in the middle of raising his gun but when he hears the word "clinic" he drops it with a sigh. "Of course he did," Cold says, rolling his eyes. "Mick, I'll see you when you get back."

"You do that," Heatwave agrees. "Barry, this is an anti-Family thing - wouldja mind if Len takes..?"

"Well, if it's an anti-Family thing -"

No one in Central likes the ever-warring Families.

Cold waves a hand at Mick and glares at Barry. "You be nice to him," he says, right before stalking out.

Barry flushes. "I mean - I didn't -"

He kind of did.

"It's all right if you just have more questions," Mick assures him. "Or even if you just want someone to hang around while you're being miserable. Doesn't have to be a hookup." He grins. "Unless you want one, of course."

Barry wars with himself and his own embarrassment for a minute, but Mick seems so calm and even Cold had been so casually accepting and damnit, Barry hasn't gotten laid in ages which is even longer for a speedster who occasionally time travels back in time to repeat a few days -

"The latter," Barry says, flushing red under his cowl. "If you don't mind."

"Not at all," Mick says, eyes brightening. He steps forward and loops his arms around Barry in prime speedster-carry position. "Well?"

Barry runs them out of there.

Turns out Mick was right: it really does alleviate the symptoms.

After the whole mess with Eobard and things blowing up and Barry feeling horribly guilty and nearly running himself ragged, he notices that his cycles are – different.

Less cramping, more mood swings, for one thing. Mostly going manic, actually – super hyper, super bad focus, none of which is good for super activities.

The horniness is way up, as usual, but now Barry’s suddenly eyeing everyone around him because is it just him, or did he somehow miss the fact that he’s surrounded by extremely attractive people?

It takes a few days of being twitchy for Barry to realize that he’s in rut instead of heat this time.

And, well, Mick did say…

“Oh, sure,” Mick says, holding the door to the Rogues’ hideout open and gesturing for Barry to come in.

“There isn’t, you know, a compatibility problem?” Barry asks, coming in anyway.

“Gay people existed on Krypton too,” Mick says solemnly, then cracks up when Barry gives him a look. “I don’t know, Red. I’ve never noticed a difference, whether it’s alpha-omega, alpha-alpha, omega-omega, whatever. Besides, I live with a whole coop full of alphas now; someone’s going to be shifting dynamics sooner rather than later.”

“Oh?”

“Having a lot of one type tends to result in equalization, apparently? Something about syncing up hormones. Dunno.”

Captain Cold – Len, he’d told Barry to call him – waves from where he’s lounging on the couch. “Glad to see you two lovebirds are keeping it up,” he says.

That gets both Barry and Mick to splutter.

“They’re not lovebirds, they're just fucking,” Mark Mardon opines. He’s digging into a pint of ice cream with a fork. Barry wonders if that has to do with the heightened hunger of the alpha, or the cravings of the omega, or maybe the Weather Wizard’s just a frat boy at heart. Who knows?

“We’re just leaving, that's what we are,” Mick says, grabbing Barry’s hand and leading him upstairs. “So don’t bother us!”

As soon as they’re alone in Mick’s room, he grins at Barry. “Sorry about ‘em. Can’t live with them…you know the rest.”

“Why are you all living together?”

Mick shrugs. “Supervillain thing,” he says.

“What, a shared inability to make rent?”

Mick laughs. “Nah,” he says. “We did a job, it went pear-shaped, and now some people are out to get us, so we’re huddling together for safety. S’cool, don’t worry about it,” he adds, seeing Barry opening his mouth to volunteer help. “It’ll all blow over soon enough.”

“Well,” Barry says. “I’m glad you guys are doing okay.”

Mick’s smile broadens. “I’m glad to see you too, Red.”

Mick does end up going omega after another few months, and he calls Barry on the number Barry’s given him – they’ve been texting a little, back and forth, because Barry’s really bad at doing the whole friends-with-benefits thing without also doing the, you know, friends part of it –with a request that Barry show up at a certain warehouse with his supersuit and without plans for the evening.

It’s awesome.

And, well, after that…

It’s not that they’re dating or anything, that’s for sure. They’re hero and villain, and they are not pulling a Batman-Catwoman shtick.

But Barry has Mick on his speed dial, calling him whenever his ruts or heats hit – he ends up going back to omega pretty quickly, since apparently that’s where his body’s comfort zone is – and Mick does the same, wherever he is on his cycle.

And, you know, maybe they hang out outside of that, sometimes. Mick’s pretty cool – no pun intended – and he’s very laid back, which Barry really appreciates given the usual high-key frenzy that he has to deal with as part of Team Flash.

So, yes, sometimes they go see movies, or go to dinner, or Mick will swing by Barry’s apartment and cook him something, even if it’s not exactly on their cycles.

Sometimes Barry goes to hang out at Mick’s place – which usually involves at least some Rogues, or at minimum Len, because Len and Mick are codependent best friends and Barry respects that, especially once Mick explained that Len is ace and didn’t give a damn about cycles in any direction.

(Also, Len sometimes has glowing blue eyes, usually when he's reading this big large Book on the couch, but Barry has decided not to ask about that.)

Either way, though - it works.

It’s – nice.

Barry’s happy.

Of course, Barry's hardly the only hero with a regular hookup for heats and ruts, but most of them at least pretend that said regular hookups are not with one of their villains. Barry, on the other hand, isn't much for pretending, and that means he gets the occasional Talk from his fellow superheroes.

The annoyingness quality of said Talk varies based on the person involved.

"Bad guy, huh?" Aquaman grunts. "Sure that's a good idea?"

"Truce applies in relation to clinic matters," Barry reminds him.

He gets a shrug in return. "Doesn't make it not a bad idea."

"I'm an adult capable of making my own decisions, thanks."

"You sure you're okay?" Cyborg asks, looking sincerely concerned. "I mean, he's not, like, taking advantage or -"

Barry takes poor brand-new Cyborg to the clinic and corrects his misapprehensions much the same way Mick did for him, though without the proposition.

"A villain, Barry," Oliver says flatly. "Really?"

"Huntress," Barry reminds him. He's never going to let Oliver live that down.

"She's an anti-hero sometimes," Oliver says. "But Heatwave -"

"Are you trying to say the Rogues aren't anti-heroes sometimes?"

"Not the point."

"I don't think you actually have a point," Barry says. "You want to register your disapproval. Well, it's registered."

"You know it's not that," Oliver says. "We're friends. I worry."

"I appreciate that. But seriously, I'm fine. Trust me. Mick and I have a good set-up that works for us."

"You know, if it's just a lack of other options -" Hawkgirl starts.

"I'm flattered," Barry says hastily. "But seriously, Kendra, no, I'm very happy as is." He pauses and frowns. "Tell me Oliver didn't send you."

"No, no - well, he did express his concern -"

"Punch him in the face for me, will you?"

She laughs.

"You know, it's really good that you're -" Superman starts.

"Nope," Barry says. "If this is a lead up to say something about Mick, you should stop right there. I'm totally happy to talk work and even fun hanging out stuff with you, but I'm still pissed at you about the whole cycle thing."

"...fair point," Superman concedes. "Well, good luck. My cousin says hi, too; she's hoping to get back to Earth soon and wants to meet him. Assuming you're not still too pissed at her, too."

"...it's hard to be pissed at Kara."

"It really is," Superman agrees, quite solemn. He doesn’t take any of it personally, which Barry really appreciates.

Wonder Woman just gives Barry a thumbs up, but to be fair Barry is pretty sure she's casually dating Golden Glider, so he wasn't really expecting a lecture from her.

And then one day he turns around and the urban legend of Gotham is standing behind him with a brooding expression.

"Don't tell me you have an opinion, too," Barry sighs. He’d known this was coming – Batman had an opinion on everything.

Usually a negative one.

Usually a negative one backed with data collected via an unnecessary amounts of stalking.

“No,” Batman says. “No opinion.”

“…what, really?”

Batman’s expression doesn’t so much as flicker. “Central City is beyond my jurisdiction.”

Barry blinks. “I mean,” he says, “not that I don’t appreciate that, but – and please don’t take offense here – it’s not like you really seem to pay attention to that whole jurisdiction thing for other heroes, so –”

“Central City itself,” Batman clarifies. “I can’t enter. None of the heroes can, not without your authorization.”

“…what now?”

“Well, excluding Diana,” Batman corrects, as if that was the problem with what he’d just said.

“Go back to the part where there’s a forcefield around Central City,” Barry says.

“It’s not a forcefield,” Batman says. “I’ve checked.”

“Then what?”

“A zone of no-interference,” Batman says. “If it makes you feel better, it’s been there for a while; I don’t think it’s actively harmful.”

“…okay,” Barry says. “And you didn’t feel the need to mention this before, so you’re telling me this right now for a – reason? I assume?”

“The zone appears to have changed.”

Barry isn’t very good at glaring, and certainly not at Batman, but he’s doing his best.

“Your relationship with Mick Rory.”

“Wait,” Barry says, “I thought we were talking about the – no-interference zone, I guess? You said you didn’t have an opinion on me and Mick!”

“Mick and I,” Batman says. “And I don’t. But I prefer to keep an eye on things that change.”

“You haven’t even told me how the zone changed!”

“It doesn’t just apply to Central City anymore,” Batman says. “It also applies whenever you and Mr. Rory are – together.”

Barry gapes at him.

“Just thought you should know,” Batman says, and then he’s gone.

“Oh, that,” Mick says.

“Oh, that?!”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t worry about it?”

“It’s just a thing.”

“Mick!”

Mick cracks a smile. “Sorry,” he says. Barry smacks him with a pillow; there’s several within easy reach from where they’re snuggling on the couch in the Rogues’ living room. “Couldn’t resist. It is just a thing, though. It's Lenny.”

“Len? I mean, Captain Cold? What about him?”

“Well, way back when, we joined this hero group for a while,” Mick says. “Called the ‘Legends’ –”

“What, really?”

“Yes, really.”

“You guys? As heroes?”

“When I said we all react to finding out about the cycles in different ways, I mean it,” Mick says dryly. “Len seemed to think we needed to try both sides of the villain-hero spectrum to see if it was different. It isn’t, by the way.”

“Okay,” Barry says, mildly disappointed. It would’ve been interesting to go villain for a little bit. Just a tiny little bit. A nice, not-always-on-call villain, who could probably sleep in on the weekends for once instead of having to deal with a brand new crisis of the week…maybe he could arrange a kidnapping instead? Mick would definitely oblige. “What does that have to do with a magical zone of non-interference?”

“Well,” Mick says. “Len ended up doing something stupid.”

“Wow,” Barry says dryly. “Look at me. I’m so surprised. Len? I assume it was extremely dramatic.”

“Well, yeah.”

“Shocker.”

Mick laughs. “Well, anyway, he ended up sort of kind of – getting blown up?”

“He what?”

“Long story. He got better, though –"

Of course he got better.

"- and anyway he ended up in this garden that exists out of space and time, and while he was there, he stole this book - you've seen it, the Book? - and now he has this weird part-time job, sort of, except the guy he stole the book from is sort of mentoring him for a quote, ‘more peaceful transition than my brother’ because apparently there was a whole thing or something, I don't know. So Len gets to spend some of his time here, instead of being stuck in the garden.”

“Okay. So he’s a part-time…bookkeeper?”

Mick cackles. “You hear that, Lenny?” he shouts. “You’re a bookkeeper!”

“You have no idea how literal that is,” Len says, wandering out of the kitchen. He’s got the glowing blue eyes again, and he’s holding the Book – a big, gigantic tome of a book, and there’s a chain going from the spine onto Len’s wrist. “See? I’m keeping the Book. I'm the Book keeper.”

Barry snorts a laugh, somewhat involuntarily. “What do you actually do?”

“Long story,” Len says. “Mick, the pasta –”

“There’s a bowl on the table.”

“You’re the best.”

Len wanders right back out again.

Barry wonders if now is a good time to ask about the glowing eyes.

“They go with the Book,” Mick says.

Barry blinks at him.

“The eyes. They happen whenever the Book’s around. Len thinks it’s cute that you never ask, by the way.”

Barry flushes. “I didn’t want to be rude.”

Mick shifts a little, pulling Barry in closer. “Don’t worry. He doesn’t mind if it’s you. You’re my plus-one.”

Barry pauses. “I am?” he asks hopefully. “Really?”

“I mean. If you wanna be.”

“Yes. I do. Definitely. For sure. I mean, assuming we’re talking about dating.”

“Yeah, we are.”

“Then yes. Assuming you want me to…?”

“Yeah, Red. I do.”

“Okay,” Barry says, smiling. “So, that settled, how does Len and the book play into the zone of no-interference?”

“I think the book gives him certain powers?” Mick says. “I’m not entirely sure. But either way, when he tells people to buzz off, they buzz off. And, uh, when I say that I might want a bit of privacy in my, uh, relationships, then…”

Barry starts grinning wider. “Then it starts applying whenever we're together once I made the move to being relationship material?”

“Basically,” Mick says, looking relieved that he doesn’t have to spell it out. “Man, am I glad that we ironed that dating thing out before I had to admit that.”

Barry laughs.

“So,” Batman says. He’s still wearing the cowl, even though it’s an engagement party and supposed to be low-key and clinic-truce rather than heroes and villains, but he has at least condescended to accept a slice of Mick’s delicious homemade cake. “When you say ‘Destiny’, you mean – actual Destiny?”

Len grins and throws an arm over Batman’s shoulders. “Wanna see my Book?”

“…that’s not a proposition.”

“Nah, I’m ace.”

“In that case, yes. I would very much like to see your – ‘Book’.”

“Great,” Len says. “You can come to my garden and take a peep. One of my new siblings is really looking forward to meeting you…”

[popwasabi]

“Black Panther” Review: WAKANDA 5EVER!!

Directed by Ryan Coogler

Starring: Chadwick Boseman, Michael B. Jordan, Lupita Nyong’o, Danae Gurira, Letitia Wright, Martin Freeman

 My dissatisfaction with the Marvel Cinematic Universe as whole has been well-documented over the years, so believe me when I say “Black Panther” is not only the best MCU film to date but just one of the best comic book movies ever period.

It cures so many of the problems I’ve had with this series in this film while simultaneously standing on its own as a truly distinctive take on the super hero film genre.

(Also Victor Oladipo if you’re going to put on a Black Panther mask for the dunk contest you best not miss on your first attempt next time haha)

It’s a movie that not only is truly enjoyable on a physical and emotional level but also feels relevant in the kind of age we live in.

“Black Panther” takes place a week after the events of “Captain America: Civil War” as Prince T’Challa dons the crown of his late father T’Chaka to become the new king of the secretive futuristic African society of Wakanda. As the world continues to change around him T’Challa ponders if his kingdom should change with it. When an old enemy of Wakanda resurfaces in South Korea selling vibranium on the black market, T’Challa assembles a team to stop him while resuming the mantle of the Black Panther.

This is one of those rare occasions where I’m going to write a long-winded review that is NOT hyper critical of the movie, so a fair warning now that this will be a long read and contain a few spoilers.

You’ve been warned.

 (Complainers will subjected to Princess Shuri’s sass.)

A Superhero Film that Matters

Part of the reason I’m not as harsh on the X-Men franchise as everyone else is that the good ones (and I guess even the bad ones) have strong relevant messages intertwined within them.

Unless you’re stupid and/or willfully ignorant, it’s pretty obvious what X-Men is about between the fear mongering against mutants, forced “conversion” therapy and outright hatred exhibited toward the X-Men and their people so I won’t get too far into it.

(“Mother says I’m not allowed to watch X-Men movies cause they’re sinful...”)

I like seeing socially relevant topics pop up in my super hero films, it makes the stories feel more real to me and makes them more relevant to society. Having a straight good vs evil story is fine and dandy too but when your series spans 10 years and now 18 movies, that kind of messaging at the very least becomes repetitive.

It’s part of the reason “Winter Soldier” for most fans (at least until now) was considered the best one because it pretty clearly takes jabs at unchecked governmental surveillance and how as Cap describes it “…is not freedom. That’s fear” and thus makes a stronger more relevant story.

(You hear that congress??)

“Black Panther” follows this same vein of message based story-telling, using the supernatural and fanciful world of cat suit wearing heroes and space age technology to present a real message about social inequality, building bridges and the responsibility of privilege.

At times this messaging can be explicit in the film between Killmonger angrily calling out the Wakandan’s on their isolationist ways and leaving “their people” behind and T’Challa’s message to the UN at the end of the film, which unless you live under a rock is pretty clearly directed at a certain “president.”

(“And furthermore I would also like to add I have a huuuuge hands. Just wanted to say that for no particular reason. None whatsoever.”)

Director Ryan Coogler weaves this messaging perfectly between the action, humor and brilliant cinematography of the film to create a story that feels conscious of the real world outside the movie theaters. The MCU’s largely action comedy approach has become mind-numbingly tedious lately (especially with a couple of the entries from last year) and while they may be decent single-event, popcorn outings at the movies every year, they don’t make you think a whole lot after the credits roll (or care either for that matter).

That approach would not have worked at all with this film; sure there are some good laugh out loud moments in this movie, but on the whole the film trusts that its audience will listen to a story first instead of bashing them over the head with a punchline every two minutes.

It doesn’t feel manufactured for a change and the result is a truly organic film with a powerful message on social and racial empowerment that I feel will remain meaningful and most of all relevant for ages to come.

 Killmonger: Finally, A Villain Worth Caring About

Perhaps one of the weakest things about the MCU series is that the villains have been largely forgettable (and just so we’re on the same page, I’m not including the TV series in this discussion). Other than Loki, Bucky Barnes as the Winter Soldier, Civil War’s Zemo and to a much smaller extent Vulture, few if any of this series’ villains stick out in each movie beyond being just hammy evil guys (or girls in the case of Hela).

Malekith? Boring. Yellow Jacket? One dimensional. Ultron? Convoluted. Whiplash? Don’t get me started.

(Iron Monger? Zzzzz. Red Skull? Mustache twirler. Who? *in Steve Rodgers voice* I can do this all day.)

The point is the MCU’s rogues’ gallery has been laughable for the most part outside of a few gems. These movies don’t take much time to develop them beyond being just evil. It makes the conflicts in these films less interesting and again monotonous.

“Black Panther” changes this by creating not just a charismatic villain in Killmonger but one where we understand what makes him tick and to a certain extent even sympathize with him.

The best bad guys in any series usually (not always) have human qualities to them that make them relatable and sympathetic. Using the MCU’s best examples, Loki has a daddy complex and brotherly jealously, Vulture just wants to safe keep his family (A light version of Walter White if you will), and Zemo is guided by a need for vengeance over the death of his family by the Avengers.

(See, Loki is very relateable here in that Hulk is life smashing you into the ground over and over again.)

These films don’t ask us to like them but they do ask us to understand where they’re coming from and for Killmonger we sympathize with him for the injustice he’s seen as a boy and the death of his father who was only trying to help those in need. We see his outrage, we feel it and though his methods are terrible, we get why he’s angry. 

In this way the film brilliantly shifts the villainy upon T’Challa’s late father and the responsibility in the creation of Killmonger, adding to the film’s already strong message of social responsibility.

(Honestly, if you really think about it, this is the real villain of the film right here.)

The movie understands, especially in the context of the social justice themes it presents, that villains  often times aren’t born villainous; they are created by villainous acts. If you don’t understand (or willfully choose not to understand) what this means in the real world, I don’t know what to tell you.

Michael B. Jordan does a fantastic job as this character and carries every scene he’s in brilliantly even making me a bit misty-eyed when he visits his father in the ancestral plain, something that has never happened for me in this series, let alone any other comic book movie.

(Not to mention he had some dope fight scenes.)

While comparing him to “The Dark Knight’s” Joker, as some critics have done, is a bit much, Jordan’s performance is arguably one of the best since that time too and truly rights one of the biggest problems of the MCU, creating an iconic villainous performance in a series that has largely lacked this quality.

 The Dope Ass Music

Even more so than the lack of good villains, one of the most consistently infuriating and criminally bad things about the MCU has always been the music.

Yes, “Guardians of the Galaxy” and “Thor: Ragnarok” made nice usage of greatest hits from the 70′s - 90’s but I’m talking original music here; music specifically made for the movie to play up the drama, the action and pure emotion and the MCU has been AWFUL at this for the most part. Even the previously strong entries of the series “Winter Soldier” and “Civil War” were painfully bad here at times and for super hero films that’s a big problem. “Avengers” yes had a good single theme but what can you remember of the rest of that score?

Without even showing you clips from other comic book movies I guarantee if I mentioned the word “Batman” either Danny Elfman’s 1989 score or Hans Zimmer’s own from 2004 pops into your head immediately. Hell, as bad as the DCEU has been if I say “Superman” you’ll probably start humming that beautiful piano theme from the movie too. 

(And that’s the only nice thing I’m going to say about the DCEU right now. Sorry, Supes...)

Music (or even a lack of, such as “No Country for Old Men”) dictates tone in a movie and can give a scene weight that it wouldn’t have had otherwise and this series rarely has done much with it.

Music is important to movies and it feels like it’s been often neglected in the MCU just to stick with tried and true formula of the previous movies because they know they’ll make money either way.

Luckily, Coogler didn’t follow this forumla (among many other aspects of this film’s production to its benefit), using original singles by Kendrick Lamar and The Weekend as well as a score from his longtime collaborative composer Ludwig Goransson.

(Seriously listen to this. Shit’s beautiful as fuck!)

For the first time in this series, original music doesn’t feel like it takes a back seat and instead it’s used to enhance scenes that were already good on their own and make them even better. The casino and chase scene in South Korea aren’t nearly as fun without the work of Lamar and The Weekend and journeys to the ancestral plain aren’t as emotional without the violin play of the orchestral score by Goransson. Wakanda feels alive and real largely because of the African music influences Goransson puts into his music here and it’s just beautiful to listen to.

Black Panther himself might be the first individual character in this series that actually gets theme music that plays with every entry he makes. Even Killmonger has a nice hip hop orchestral theme to his entries as well, not to mention a softer piece to describe his childhood.

(Basically)

Where was this in the other films, MCU? It’s criminal that Captain America really doesn’t have a theme song, and no, ACDC doesn’t count for Iron Man.

The themes Goransson uses plays frequently throughout the film keeping a thematic unison to the story that other films in this series, for the most part, simply don’t have.

The music will make you jump for joy as T’Challa and his friends leap into action and tear up during the story’s more emotional scenes as well and it’s such a breath of fresh air for a series that has seemingly neglected one of movies’ most important aspects to film-making.

 The World of Wakanda

Much in the same way “Guardians of the Galaxy” fully fleshes out its fanciful sci-fi world with its brilliant costumes and set designs, “Black Panther” ups that to 11 with its own creative designs that combine Afro-futurism with traditional African culture.

The individual tribes all look distinct and most of all colorful and they stand out beautifully onscreen. At times it’s easy to lose track of the story because you get caught up in this world Coogler and his team help produce on screen but boy is it nice to look at.

It’s a world that you want to believe is real not just for the obvious empowerment message of the story but because it just looks so damn cool. I mean who wouldn’t want to fly a dragonfly shaped airship or get a virbanium stealth suit like Black Panther  or hell, have a contingent of king’s guards armed with those super spears dressed in those astonishing red armored uniforms?

(Seriously! Look at these badasses. They look fly as fuck!)

Credit to Ruth E. Carter, the costume designer, for helping bring this world of Wakanda to life because the film truly benefits from her outstanding work here.

 Yaaaaassss! Queens!

While Chadwick Boseman is again great as T’Challa, as he was in “Civil War,” it’s the ensemble cast of the film that truly steal the show.

Lupita Nyong’o, Danai Gurira and Letitia Wright play the parts of Nakia, General Okoye and T’Challa’s sassy sister Shuri, respectively, brilliantly throughout the movie. They play off each other and Boseman perfectly providing great drama as well laugh out loud humor and levity that makes the film flow perfectly from scene to scene.

Even as T’Challa takes a brief break from the film in the third act, the movie never feels like it slows down and that’s largely because we care about these other characters so much that even without T’Challa onscreen we’re still invested in what happens next for these characters.

(Also note to Joss Whedon: This is what real strong female characters look like.)

Nyong’o’s Nakia provides the story’s central theme about privilege and responsibility while being more than just a love interest to T’Challa. Okoye is arguably more badass than Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman last year, kicking ass and taking names in each scene she’s in, and Shuri is not just comic relief but a willing fighter in her own right and in many way’s this film’s Q to Black Panther’s James Bond.

The best part is these characters aren’t damsels in distress and they’re more than just muscle too; they’re well-developed, fun, strong female characters and in many ways even more interesting than the film’s titular hero himself.

There’s other more minor plus’s to this film such as Martin Freeman’s classic fish out water comic relief routine as Agent Ross and Andy Serkis’s brief yet nonetheless enjoyable performance as Klau but you get the idea here. This film is everything I could’ve hoped it to be and more and I’m so glad I wasn’t treated to same old generic action comedy blockbuster routine that most of the rest of the series is known for.

There are some minor problems with the plot here too such as Killmonger’s plan before entering Wakanda not completely adding up, some of the CGI action sequences aren’t great looking and as mentioned it would’ve been nice to see more of Serkis’s Klau in the movie but these problems feel so inconsequential to the whole here that I really don’t feel the need to delve too deeply into them.

“Black Panther” truly stands on its own as not just the best MCU film to date by a wide margin but one of the best comic book movies ever period. It goes above and beyond what much of the series has been through in its decade long existence while curing many of recurring problems as well.

This will be a tough act to follow and I’m not sure if anything, other than a sequel for this character, will be able to top it. I’m just glad we’ll get to see T’Challa and Wakanda again in “Infinity War” this summer.

Hopefully Thanos goes easy on it.

 Verdict:

5 out of 5

Good luck trying to one up this one, “Infinity War”....WAKANDA FOREVER!

[monkey-network]

Good Stuff - THE (FULL) TROOF ABOUT STEVEN UNIVERSE

WARNING: What you’ll see under the cut is possibly one of the grandest things I will ever do and generally one of the biggest SU Crit posts of all time. Be advised that explicit language is present and we ask that readers are open-minded and reasonable with any given retort. Note that this has been edited due to Tumblr’s limitations of presentable media so click here for the Director’s Cut.

Do like & share if you enjoyed it or if I fought your boredom. Thank you and take care out there. 

Steven Universe is a charming, popular show with a quad-polar fandom, and I’m only here to point out what I say is legitimately wrong with this cartoon. Simple enough? Fair enough.

POINT #1 - THE ACTION:

Okay, my first point really doesn’t just apply with cartoons, but fights in general. Question: what’s the one thing that people get the most out of seeing a fight? The impacts. Those moments where the opponent is given such a crushing ass blow, that you can feel the effort that went into that attack. Yeah, Steven Universe lacks this. I mean, it can look like the characters are putting effort into fighting their opponents and it can look like they’re getting hurt pretty bad (thanks to applied visuals and sound effects), but it never feels like the characters are actually hitting each other. There are instances of impact, but they’re menial and they’re scattered between the duelists smacking each other like helium filled action figures; feeling as tender as any other motion the characters do throughout. Now if you’re wondering what I mean by impacts, note these prime examples; because animes know their action.

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

Hajime no Ippo

Summer Wars

My Hero Academia

If present, violence can/should provide a stark raving contrast to the supposedly grounded world in any series, and the impacts of violence should be escalating with every punch or kick. Attacks should fly with fierce swiftness, the weight/force of any blow can be seen; raw power, speed, and stamina should be pushed to limits unknown. Now, I’m not saying Steven U has to imitate any incredible, well animated fight scene that anime has flawlessly provided by now, but more effort should have been made to escalate the impact of their fights, not keep it steady tuned with

*Smear work to make the boring motions look fast paced

*Spiky white marks to show a clash

*quick visual instances of impact that lets you know a character is getting hurt

*and tons of smoke to cover the possibly graphic imagery

Steven Universe has the fundamentals of action down, but they don’t go beyond that (plus ultra). Their fights can look technically similar with the characters being the only real source of variation, especially when you can figure out their attacks ahead of time. So I hate to say this, but if you’ve seen one fight, you’ve seen ‘em all.

Another reason I presented Steven U’s lacking action is because tts not just about fists flying or weapons clashing, but the balance of emotion that goes with the foes putting their heart and soul into taking each other down. But, for most of the time, I don’t see SU’s fights present any real hook of seriousness, even if it wants me to, and most of them feel present for (basic) comedy. I feel less invested in who’s fighting, or why, than I am at how they’re getting beat up. Ironic, being a show that’s all about being open with its “serious” emotions. Combined with its lackluster animation, and they don’t add much contrast towards an otherwise easy going series

This here is honestly the most funniest a fight scene of theirs can get (mostly ‘cuz Peri deserved that), but after seeing the pretty slow animation, it can lose its luster no matter how deserving it may seem. Now notice this whopping scene, from the anime One Punch Man, below.

You can know nothing about One Punch Man, who these characters really are, but you can tell from these 5 seconds alone that when a fight happens, there’s a fast, over the top sense of comedy that comes with the brutal nature of a man that can apparently KO anybody in one swing, ironic and even more comedic with said one hit wonder being the most emotionless looking character on the show.

Seriously, that’s his face for almost the whole series

Now I know what you’re thinking, “But Monkey Network, it’s mostly a slice of life cartoon. The action scenes aren’t that prominent in the series as you might think and hope. It’s not supposed to be a violent show.” And I’d say fair point except for the fact that Friendship is Magic is also a slice of life cartoon that only has a few real action scenes under its belt, and this particular one is the best fucking thing I’ll ever see.

AGAIN, you can know nothing about the series as a whole, or this episode in general, but this fight alone perfectly captures the game Steven Universe has never really utilized since its early days. It has some seriousness with its escalating over the top attacks, the pace never feels constant, and even though they’re evenly matched, the things they do look fucking cool. The only downside is that since the show has puppet flash animation, it does looks limited, but even then they made the most of it. Steven Universe is hand drawn, so with all due respect, they have no fucking excuse. Their fight scenes amount to stay the course animation with glimpses of impact and a flashy style to avoid it from being pod racing levels of BORING. I’ve seen fan animations that would give this show a run for its money.

The Fandom provides more than the actual show

Even before Garnet’s fight with Jasper, Steven Universe’s action sequences was a sweet chunk of what made the show investing to watch, and looking at back at it, I was a bit too invested in something that wasn’t that invested in itself. Again, I know it can’t stack up to the God tier works that the anime world’s made for itself, but compared to other action present cartoons (Voltron, Star vs. the Forces of Evil, Avatar, The Powerpuff Girls, MLP, OK KO, any shonen anime), I think maybe they could/should git a little gooder in providing actual fights, not sparring matches. That, and if Sugar Honey Ice Tea and her crewniverse can put such effort into the facial expressions, they can make the fights more expressive too.

POINT #2 - THE “VILLAINS”:

Now, I fucking love villains. Not just for the who, but why and how they do it. When bad guys like the Joker, Lord Dominator, DIO, or Him do their thing onscreen, I enjoy every moment of their threatening essence (except Jared Leto’s Joker, he sucked). Villains remorselessly do unethical, downright vicious, things to fulfill their goals while initiating setting up the heroes to correct these effects with their efforts and abilities. Steven Universe has villains, sure. Yet, after having so many chances, Rebecca Sugardaddy has failed to make them REAL villains, specifically the Great Diamond Authority.

Now originally, I was gonna compare the Diamonds to the likes of Fire Lord Ozai(Avatar: The Last Airbender) or DIO (JJBA); villains that work in the shadows and when they’re eventually revealed, they’re already a force to be reckoned with. But looking into how they and Homeworld is set up, there was no other villainous ensemble that could stack up with the Diamonds perfectly like the Gorosei from the anime One Piece.

Looking more badass than the US Government

Now these five gentlemen aren’t necessarily what make up the end all be all for the series, but above all, the Gorosei are the ruling leaders of the organization that controls the entire world of One Piece. They command the military, the police, and other agencies, like their investigative and espionage departments, and the only people that out rule these gentlemen are the descendants of those who created it several centuries ago. Like the Diamonds, they seek to maintain order and justice for the people of their world and doing so means taking on any sign of revolution (namely Pirates) that could damage not only their image, but their purpose. Both Authorities possess absolute rule over the many classes that are under them and their stance of power can be present with the many actions that effect the characters we focus on currently. The difference between the two ruling classes is nuance, aka a grey sense of morality, aka an actual sense of relatability. So when I see a series having an overall narrative villain, Steven Universe has shown me that sympathy should NOT be a factor in storytelling.

Now when I say this, I don’t mean you can’t sympathize with any villain you see. Most of the time, you can feel for the antagonist when their lives never were good to begin with, that’s namely how villainy starts out, therefore making their actions not so much justified, but understandable. Take the rogues gallery that are the enemies of Batman.

Every one of them has a story to tell and a method to their madness. Their histories weren’t as nice or as hopeful as they may have hoped, and you can feel their pain as their efforts to be successful at something grand falls apart due to the Dark Knight or life’s unforgiving nature. However, the sympathy stops there because none of these masterminds, with the Joker being an exception, serve as a main villain to Batman’s crusade for justice, they’re continuous rivals and one off stories that expand the DC Universe. No evil in Gotham is powerful enough because Batman’s story has no real endgame. Steven Universe and One Piece will eventually have an endgame. And while the Gorosei represent an Oligarchical commodity that separates its order seeking rule from their affiliating countries, The Diamonds have amounted to being under one system alone:

Or generally cruel Collectivism if you wanna sound smart

And it’s weird I bring this up. For I would’ve thought to have called Homeworld an authoritative caste system where the gem you’re born with defines your class and status, coinciding with the gems’ natural abilities. The specific gems are given a role and everyone plays a part to maintain societal order, like what India has, with the Diamonds being the biggest and strongest gems and therefore are the de facto Matriarch of the gem society, you feel me? That would’ve earned a little sympathy from me, because the Diamonds losing Pink would’ve meant the massive changes to accommodate their order and resources might not have worked out so well and their image as leaders are slowly diminishing and that can explain the huge resentment for Earth and Rose’s Rebellion.

But no. Instead the Diamonds are a repressive totalitarian government that basically control everyone and everything, all the gems below to strictly follow and almost never question their line of reasoning, and they’re reasons for destroying the Earth has been summarized down to the emotional baggage and grudge that came with their failure long ago.

CAN YOU NOT FEEL THEIR STRUGGLE?!

Wanna know why I didn’t compare the Diamonds to Avatar’s Fire Nation when talking about humanizing the enemy and the connection couldn’t be more obvious? Because before Ozai is ever mentioned, The Last Airbender states very clearly that the Fire Nation is the region Aang and his friends need to infiltrate to stop their manifest destiny. And when we’re early hinted that Zuko’s not full on evil, it lets the audience know that not everyone is on board with those in charge of the Fire Nation invasion, leading up to Ozai’s big debut where we see that as the endgame villain, he’s irredeemable and has such a lust for power, that he’s recognizably the main drive everyone has to stop. Avatar did this right because little by little, the main enemy was narrowed down to a single force that hasn’t made itself known until near the end when his presence bear more importance. The same can’t be said for Steven Universe because Rebecca Sugar Rush presented yet another faint mistake.

The Diamond’s personalities are given to us before they’ve shown us who they are and what they’re capable of…

So we see Yellow Diamond as a vindictive, no nonsense leader that wants shit to get done and Blue Diamond as a more tender looking, yet no nonsense leader that’s grieving over Pink Diamond’s death and does whatever she can to move on and remember the fallen fondly. So, have they done anything before we’ve met them personally? Sure.

*They corrupted thousands of their own kind (because of the rebellion)

*Allowed experimentation towards shattered gems to make artificial fusion or disembodied amalgamates (because of the rebellion)

*And let’s not forget the Cluster (because of the rebellion)

So yeah, quite a lot actually. Now you might be thinking, “But Monkey Network, what does those five old men have to do with what the Diamonds did?” Well, when you see the villainous shit the Gorosei have commanded, their actions are actually more relatable than one would expect.

*Ordering the destruction of an island of archaeologists because they were secretly researching forbidden history

*Ordered death to any pregnant woman in sight fearing that one could be pregnant with Gol D. Roger, the OG Pirate King’s, child. Said slaughter lasted for around two years (Special thanks to @des-the-girl​ for this info)

*Directing the Marines, or the front line enemies of our Pirate heroes

*And contemplating their system’s next move when updates arrive

Now I don’t know about you, but these gentlemen make up quite an authoritative class with understandable motives and relatable notions on running the world without necessarily being on the front lines. Kinda like the US over the years? Even when their level of corruption can be on par and we still know little of their true power and who they really are, they’re instantly better than the Diamond Authority because we can see why they’re in command, their thoughts and actions towards our heroes shows no sign of being sympathetic, and yet we see where their motives lie. I mean, their Government’s enemies are pirates. You know, Pirates? People who’ve robbed and killed and are the opposite of order? See where I’m going here? They namely go after our heroes who are seen to be the enemy even when the Pirates and plenty others consider them the enemy. It’s almost as if there’s a grey choice for the audience to wonder whom the real bad guys are. OooooOOh. Also, quick side note. The Gorosei look fucking cool. Like their designs aren’t exactly human, credit towards Eiichiro Oda and his expressive designs, but they’re drawn with such a level of seriousness and stature that it presents their elder wisdom and grave subtlety towards a subject in a contrasting light to the pirates bombastic, emotional appeal.

So, what’s the tl;dr aspect of this since you probably won’t take this seriously? Well, call this a domino effect. Basically, Rebecca Sugardop has given us nonthreatening villains that showed no sign of any redeemable qualities beyond their ability to mesmerize us with their acting, and the audience should have a bit of sympathy for their side (see ”Bismuth”). In doing so, she failed to make them real villains. In doing that, there really are no real villains in the show. And when there are no villains, the conflict feels dry and absent. And without conflict, she failed at putting together HALF an overall story. And when you’re a coming of age story where it has to end on some note with maturity and change, after almost five years in the making, you just FUCKED yourself over when you didn’t even invest time in HALF of what makes an overall story of good and evil investing and engaging. Oh I’m sorry, what makes an overall story of a blurred line between good and evil. Investing and engaging.

Ugh, I can’t care anymore. If they get redeemed, sure. If they end up dying like a tragedy, fine. They feel less like villains to overcome and more like stairs Steven has to step on to become a better person. Just let White Diamond be as grandiose and badass as Tumblr’s AUs of her, because again…

The fandom is doing the show a bit of justice

POINT #3 - BEACH CITY:

Okay, before I provide attention to our main gem heroes, I thought I’d give their home of Beach City a vocal point to express the diversity they offer and what makes them an essential drive for Steven and the Crystal Gems to protect the Earth by any means. I mean, they offer such valid representation for the show’s world building and can offer plenty of stories to tell to give us that slice of lifevibe the show really needed. But I believe, after seeing Beach City time and time again over the course of 4 years, that I can summate its presence in the show with a single- Nay. With two simple yet comprehensible words.

Who cares?

Whooo CARES?

Thank you, respectable actor Elaine Stritch. Rest in Peace

To continue, don’t get me wrong. Worldbuilding is more than essential for a story like Steven Universe, Berserk, Friendship is Magic, Legend of Zelda, and so on. Whether big or small, expanding a setting is important to giving characters a versatile way to look at their world in a differing light than before. But suffice to say, what world has Steven Universe built for itself?

*A populated province in the East Coast?

*A barn?

*Ancient ruins? Among other distant gem territory?

Aye, this troof is gonna be hard to explain. We just have locations, people. That’s it. They’re no special than the mini Galaxies from Super Mario Galaxy 2, only on Wii, Rated E for Everyone. A place can look cool and a population there can bring life to it, but they should have something for the characters to interact with and visibly wonder about what they might get into as they adapt and progress in some way. And by some way, I don’t mean insert plot devices that help make the characters do significant looking things, and I’ll get to that a bit later. But to sum it up, Steven Universe present locations, but those locations lack identity and coordination.

Stick around, Link, I might need your example

I got a short story to tell. True story. And this story provides my reason, above all else, for why Beach City doesn’t hold much water anymore when talking about world building, specifically after the show’s first season (or Full Disclosure).

There’s a comic book TV show called Preacher, premieres Mondays @ 9, only on AMC. Essentially it’s about a criminal turned Priest, possessed with a supernatural power, going on a cross country road trip to find the physical form of God with his his mate who’s also a vampire and his ex-girlfriend. Pretty vivid premise, but see for yourself. The first season however sets up the road trip where the priest, his ex, and vampire friend stay in a small town in Texas to not only introduce them, the power that the priest gets, and the type of humor throughout, but flesh out a few citizens they encounter pretty well in a thematically connected turnabout for ten episodes straight. All seems good.

Up until the entire town loses their minds, after losing all faith in belief, which eventually leads to a methane nuclear sized explosion that wipes out everybody except the three main characters who exited a few scenes before.

The End.

Now, let’s talk relevance. If I ran Steven Universe, and I don’t think I can, and I pulled 👆👆 that on Beach City at season 1′s end. Erase everything you’ve seen, every citizen will be forced to disappear except the major plot oriented characters, basically resetting the structure. If I did that, how much would it change? What would we really lose? The diverse Beach citizens that don’t and can’t do shit against the enemies we’ve see unless they’re forced to get involved in some way which rarely happens?

You can put as many people of color and as many personalities in your world all you want, but effort should also be put into not just making them NPC levels of value to the point where a reset button wouldn’t put much a dent to the “world building”. The worst part is that it’s not like Batman’s Gotham City or Spider-Man’s New York; places where the villains are plotting while they’re within city walls. Steven Universe’s enemies have to either be brought out somewhere (gem monsters, Lapis) or brought to (Jasper, that red Eye, Aqua and Topaz) Beach City for the place to provide any significant or value. So…

Just saying.

Now if the whole series was like season one with the non “To Be Continued”slice of life episodes, then it would’ve work. Phineas and Ferb, Foster’s Home, and Friendship is Magic has done this well with keeping their main location (The Foster House, Danville, Ponyville, etc.) as their central hubworld for casual stories with a venture outside of them from time to time. I would’ve been okay with Beach City being the spot for Steven and his limitless squad to grow together like Rebecca intended at first. Then I’m reminded that there’s an world expanding story in this, with bigger consequences and threaded arcs, and I’m stuck between investing in the many things they give me, complaining towards full episodes that add up to nothing and went nowhere special, and whining about the lack of reruns it gets on TV compared to Teen Titans GO.

Bottom line, you had/have your comic series to commit to your slice of life genre instead of trying to keep it in the show.

Now, I’m at a disadvantage here. If I want to talk about the actual “SCIENCE FANTASY WORLD BUILDING”, then I’ll have to talk about the Crystal Gems’ involvement in them and I can’t really do that. Luckily, I don’t have to, for SU has unintentionally played itself: when it comes to the Gem oriented locations outside Beach City, they tell but never really show. And turns out I don’t need Link’s example, but Samus Aran’s. Namely, her universe in the Metroid Prime series.

A key element to world building is the control and fun in exploration where you find and somewhat interact with aspects of an environment’s purpose and history while you’re on the go, giving the place more of an identity. Metroid Prime does this well where you journey through different parts of the Galaxy and with your scan visor, you can catalog and figure out the intricacies of the settings, the enemies within them, and info that seem trivial at first, but can offer much in progressing ahead in the game. Note the example before you…

And don’t stare deep into Samus’s blue eyes

Sure it’s an optional part of the game, and you can still trek on with or without having to continuously research the world’s lore, but it offers that versatility where you’re well in control in how to experience the game. Then again, this is a video game, where your skill in figuring things out is the only way to progress anything. What cartoon has this similar level of versatility? I mean, what else?

What else?

Gravity Falls may have stayed in one place, but it gives the characters and audience so much to explore and theorize on. They don’t tackle “everything” the world might have offered (bigfoot), but still give you so much to look out for without ever holding your hand or giving a cliffnotes version on a mystery of theirs. Hell, the fandom was hollering on Tumblr over predicting one of the show’s biggest mysteries being confirmed long before it aired. Hirsh didn’t just give those theory nuts what they wanted, his crew eased us in on how the narrative is taking a turn to someplace different and new without really forcing it on everybody. There was still that enjoyable sense of control that resonated in both the show’s direction and the audience’s experience.

I mean come on, this just oozes the moment of truth

Don’t get me wrong. The crewniverse offer very interesting locations and things that resonate with Gem stuff. My final problem with this is that when I think they might utilize these different places and things, they hold back to sharing but a glimpse of anything the show has plenty of utilizing potential for. Like…

Could this control room present more information about Homeworld’s plans for the gems than just the Cluster? “Probably not, it fulfilled its purpose. Let’s move on.”

What about these drills? Could we personally see how one works, like accidentally reactivate it to see how it functions? “Nah, they’re all dead. Let’s move on.”

Or what about the holes? Could we have some kind of flashback depicting how a gem leaps out the ground? “Nope.” Not even the off col- “NOPE.”

What’s that supposed to be? Is it something important to Homeworld? “We’ll get to that later. Let’s move on.”

Man, this place looks cool. Connie might consider this since she handles weapons and might want something new, like armor or throwing weapons. “Look man, this tour is scheduled. You’ve seen it, we’ll get back to it later. Moving right along.” This tour sucks. “You paid for it, my friend.”

Egoraptor said it best: I’m not witnessing an adventure, I’m a guest at their theme park. This is Kingdom Hearts levels of dragging it along, and I know… “But Monkey Network, they might come back to all that stuff soon. It’s called foreshadowing, you whiner.” To that, I say HA! There’s a huge difference between foreshadowing and giving us cameos. And that is in...

PRESENTATION!

Long story short, if it’s subtle and holds a threatening or vague presence, THAT’s foreshadowing. If it’s already out in the open and is not given a lot of screentime or detail, that’s cameo-ing and waiting for more. The last thing a show should do is hold back and have its audience wait like shoving a secret box in our face, and that’s all Steven Universe has been doing. That’s why so many rant about what’s filler or not. That’s why so many theorize on the most reaching of details. That’s why people proudly growl at what could be the crew’s simple decisions. Because when everything must come back to Beach City, post “Full Disclosure”, exploration can be limited, detail can be limited, and it’ll be up to the audience to speculate/construct the world-building for themselves, making the control and experience for the show feel one sided, therefore UNFAIR.

Like I said, the things I’ve seen offer so much to think about, but Rebecca Sugar sack could’ve done better with presenting them in a better light than a dim mode. The fate of Steven Universe’s future is a mystery to me, and I don’t know what they’re gonna cram in season 5 this fall. All I know is MJ (or Mystery Girl) is fine as fuck and we’re all gonna get something good eventually. My man Ian Jones-Quartey said good world building takes time, and they sure are taking their time.

POINT #4 - THE REPRESENTATION:

Representation in media can be easy when the right writers are at the helm to present (not push) a message of acceptance and acknowledgement towards an audience that may or may not feel the same way. It takes different strokes to rule the world, after all. However, when it comes to character in general, there are two factors in characterization that when used correctly can appeal their message of acceptance for their audience. One, visual acknowledgement of the representing characters (POC, LGBT, belief, etc.) in question and two, giving the subjects good quality participation to show that they are just as adept to the world as any other without phoning in the fact that they are this or that. Long story short, make ‘em good characters and the representation can earn the audience’s respect for itself. Steven U lacks this too, and this comes from them often showing us stuff and expecting us to just go with it, with themes that are enough just to get by fans. Hell, they show us as much as a drive by…

Not even a cool one at that, fresh

I’ll say this to start off: Lars Barriga (my neega) was a stagnant and frustrating character to deal with; nobody in Beach City moved him in any way (not even his own supporting parents), and the writers just shotgunned him growth (more than once) after he basically had to cheat death (more than once) to gain a better conscience. It’s like they wanted to call him a lost cause but had to hook him back in some way for the audience to not deem him a lost cause. So with all due respect, does it matter that he’s Filipino or a trans boy when nothing valuable or thoughtful has come from him especially? Those trivial tidbits can mostly come off as add ons or secondary nods, when they should’ve been welcomed knowledge about his character. Want an good example? Look to the comic series Lumberjanes, especially issues 14-17 and 28. SPOILERS, though…

They did this right for characters Jo and Barney (Jo’s the one in the 2nd panel, Barney’s in the first). They already established these two as well defined characters that make mistakes but are willing to get shit done for their friends by any means. The dialogue above is when Barney is thinking about joining the girl oriented scouts even when he’s considered a boy scout, wondering where does he want to belong. Jo gives him reassurance that she herself felt the same and just wants Barney to assert himself with what he wants to be like she did. And when he does later on, he’s accepted without any forced gratification and the writers gracefully accommodate this to not only make him (now “them”) a good addition to the story’s world, but a welcoming new perspective.

The representation is therefore earned, not just shown off

Now I’d talk further on other characters like Lars, but that would be singing the same beats as my previous piece on world building and would spoil notes on the final 2 parts I’m working on now. Instead, the gems are another reason why the rep-pres-sen-tation in SU is nothing but small fractured penny in the gold mine that is anything else going on, with fusion diminishing the relationship representation of Steven U; however you may see it. Now excuse me… this is the hardest part of my job.

Criticizing love

Garnet is not a good embodiment of Ruby and Sapphire’s love; Ruby and Sapphire is. I would love to see Ruby and Sapphire being together and showing me why they decided to elope, but I can’t because Garnet is a curtain that metaphorically and literally covers said love from having anything more to say than “HELL YEAH WE LOVE EACH OTHER!”. You could say ‘Keystone Motel’offered some adversity for the two, but knowing Steven U, it didn’t feel like much beyond me knowing they’re getting back together in the end because they love each other and they just go back to being Garnet because she’s the personification of their love and such.

Fusion is something I have a disdain for now because they’re exchanging two characters’ development of united growth for basically an entirely new/different character, that don’t have much screen time or development anyways (vice versa in Flourite’s case). You could say ‘Know your Fusion’ presented an evolution for Smokey Quartz, among the other known fusions, to being more than a versatile fighter, but not really no. We were already aware that Steven and Amethyst were acknowledged sad sacks before they fused, so what else does this fusion offer differently than in their ability? As for Sardonyx, she hasn’t changed from her first cameo awhile back and her vanity was the only thing that made her stand out in said episode. All in all, fusion doesn’t reflect a relationship, no matter how hard Rebecca Suge Knight is saying otherwise, it reflects an aftermath; one that’s in and out as a firework. This and up ‘til now, the real couples we see are pretty general or under the rug. To show how the most mentioned and presented couple in the series, RubyXSapphire, has continuously got the shaft, I present the one dynamic you’d least expect: A boy and his stuffed toy.

My personally favorite example so far.

Calvin and Hobbes is a series about boy Calvin and his stuffed tiger Hobbes that comes to life through Calvin’s imagination. Reality is like Garnet in this case, where it’s just Calvin having his stuffed animal around to get into zany hijinks like any other kid his age. Then again, the imagination or the living Hobbes is whom is given more of a focus, allowing their dynamic to bloom in a way that wouldn’t be understood if we just saw Calvin just talking to his toy the whole time. It makes their bond feel real and that’s what RubyxSapphire should be, giving them the floor in a way that adds up to Garnet’s eventual debut. “But Monkey Network, what about ‘The Answer’?” The Answer is an episode that, while sweet and good looking, literally danced over much necessary development in favor of only showing us how they eventually stuck to being Garnet forever. Not saying Garnet doesn’t have any character herself, but her integral backstory was/is one of the most beloved and talked about in terms of relationships, yet little has actually been given to us beyond face value and basic understanding and the writers have generally avoid pressing this any further. In a way, that episode diminishes the representation of real queer relationships, bogging it down to early Disney romances like Snow White’s, and practically blindfolds us about what we want to see vs what we should be seeing.

And I already got cute girls not kissing last year. It’s the current fucking year

I would talk about all the other canonning “ships” but nothing comes to mind other than the gems are getting along better than before, Mystery Girl is still fine as fuck, Steven and Connie are bound to elope since it’s been presented since the beginning, Lapis and Peridot get along as college roommates, Lapis might still have issues after Malachite happened, Jasper regrets nothing, Topaz sounds cool from the little we got of them, and everything has amounts to having a sob story and/or a recollection of thoughts just to say “Hey, we’re good together”. They implicitly share infatuation and good vibes to each other, but nothing to say their themes of LGBT, relationships, and characterization are groundbreaking. The latter I’ll get to next time. I mean anybody can put effort into writing a genuine romance novel, though it takes more effort to push the romance to challenging means without leaving skeptics at the door, something Sugar has been very casual about and is starting to openly show in the show. That and tears. Because you know what they say, open emotions are better than emotional maturity. Isn’t that right, TV?

Don’t get me wrong. Rebecca Sugarbark is out here doing her darndest as…

CARTOON. NETWORK’S. FIRST. FEMALE. ANIMATED. SERIES. CREATOR!

and when she does themes right, the show provides some good things to think about. But when she muddles them up or casually throws them in, especially when these themes come from the different aspects of what makes a person different yet real, it is unforgivable. And when people of all ages are watching this, thinking with their living ideologies about what could be used to think differently? This makes for a very risky tightrope that can lead to either people taking it appropriately or blindly, good and bad alike. I can only hope that as the show goes on, there are less assumptions and implications from both the show and the audience alike and more assertions and certainty that elements like representation of any kind are brought to a more applied approach than a glanced approach.

AND STEVEN - POINT #5:

What makes a great character? Charm? Growth? Badassery? Nah, it’s the struggle son. To cheaply quote Pixar: “You admire a character more for trying more than for their successes.” And while Steven does try, does he really fail? Let’s look back. He has three skillful and powerful guardians that care for him. He has a father who is filthy rich (’member that). He has a sweet ass pad. Everyone that knows him likes/respects him. He has powers retained from his mother. He has a lion for a pet. He redeemed/helped three of what were once his enemies. He has a best friend that joins in the action with a sword. He clearly has the capable knowledge of reaching out to anyone. He’s outdone death more than once. He’s practically invulnerable (see “Steven vs. Amethyst”). Everyone that doesn’t like him could eventually see his way with good convincing and a middle road to come to (except Kevin). While there are things he needs to do and characters that’ll he have to confront sooner or later, I’ve started to think less of how he’ll succeed and more of when he’ll succeed. I’m thinking less of who he is and more of what he is. Here’s what I mean…

I don’t see Star Butterfly as an upbeat, independent, cocky, and enduring magical princess who loves rainbows and puppies and struggles to balance fun, romance, and responsibility in one go. I see an up and coming teenage princess that’ll defeat all the evil, hook up with her friend Marco, and claim the title of Mewni’s Queen while doing it all her way.

And I don’t see the JoJo bloodline as a group of distinct protagonists that have their own goals and passions all the while seeking justice against the evil that surrounds them. I see the main characters of 8 different parts that have the ability to defeat the final enemy at the end.

It’s the “Man of Steel” effect; when you do nothing but show how Steven is becoming like or better than Rose, it takes away from letting Steven see who he really is and wants to be. Season one did Steven good (begrudging to say, I know) where he was devious, self-centered, and oblivious but basically was a goofball kid with a good heart; like Ash Williams from Evil Dead. Halfway in and they basically took that away in favor of him just being the pacifistic hippie boy scout that doesn’t want to do wrong or hurt anybody and wants to be a better version of his mama and… and…zzzzzzz. Yeah, I don’t know how to put this, but Steven is now as good of a main character as a sheet of paper. Like, on paper he had potential, but as paper he’s pretty ineffective.

Hell, even paper can show you wonders

“But Monkey Network, he’s a character that goes through many hardships and has a lot on his mind and is going through plenty like most people.” Yes he is, but he’s really done nothing to better himself. “Mindful Education” brings this up, but immediately sweeps it clean in favor of a song about trauma (ironic) and giving Connie more of the floor. And “Storm in the Room” perfectly captures how flat his guilt complex really is…

This episode could’ve given Steven a better perspective on what he wants to be, how he should see Rose, and how things in his life will change from that point on. No, it amounted to saying Rose wasn’t in the wrong for anything (clearly a lie) and Steven being basically gaslighted to believe that he’ll be around to fix what she didn’t do herself, never stating how he should go about doing so. He has guilt and unsure regrets, and yet now nothing feels like things for him are getting any better through his efforts. Knowing that he’s basically Jesus, I am stunned I don’t see him curing every ill-ridden human on the planet and is instead trying to make peace with everything that wants him dead. Also, if I wanted a show that mirrors the possible regret and turmoil I force myself to suffer with everyday, weed and a literal mirror would create a similar effect. And all this leads to–

“But Monkey Network, he’s at least a pacifist who tries. He only wants to share peace and enlightenment to everyone he meets and that includes those who are trying to defeat them.” True, but there is something called “being pushed to a limit”. Yeah I see Steven stand up for himself while choosing not to hit anybody, but there are some people that don’t deserve anything but a good blow to the face. We see Steven get angry and mean, but has he really been pushed to a limit?

Mob Psycho 100 (Ep. 3) A limit that, while possessing regretting, let’s one know they can be a force to be reckoned with?

Trigun: Badlands Rumble A limit that forces them to take immense action without breaking their code of pacifistic honor?

I mean there’s being a pacifist, and there’s being an peaceful spouting wimp I can whup easily before somebody beats me up to stop it. The point of having pacifism in a show is the counterpoint where that ideology’s being tested and momentous reactions result from it. Yeah, he showed sheer ire towards Kevin in that one episode but that was it, and that was a one off excursion with the only irredeemable character in the series. Now I know violence is not always the answer and this isn’t suppose to be a violent show, whatever, but violence is present more than enough times in this show. So I must topically ask, what was stopping Steven from five knuckle shuffling Aquamarine when he clearly had the chance to, freeing his friends and getting the chance to escape their clutches? There’s the peaceful route, and there’s showing us nothing.

Boy must have a weak ass jab

“But Monkey Network, he has development and growth with this being a coming-of-age story.” True dat, but to an extent. I’ve noticed that when it comes to Steven Universe’s development, everyone is given development with Steven tagging behind. Connie, Amethyst, Pearl, Peridot, Lapis, Lars, you see them learning and growing on the front lines, but Steven’s been kinda consistent wouldn’t you say? I mean, he does grow in seeing many different perspectives, but does he really grow with the said varied perspectives or does he just acknowledge them while doing his usual helping routine to try making things better? You know who is a better main character than Steven? Well….

You could get with this^Or you could get with thatv

Wouldn’t you agree? They’re forced to look out of their comfort zone, they make mistakes but see to getting back up, they grow to understand how this new world works and take it to heart, they’re not mopey little shits and constantly take initiative, still having a lot to learn, and I find their voices less annoying than Steven’s. Okay, that last part is a preference but still.

I’ll say Steven’s a fine protagonist, but he’s a boring protagonist to sum it up. Nothing about him makes me want to care anymore and while I look towards new episodes, all I can do now is tolerate him. They could do better with season 5 upping the ante, but at this point I’m more invested in the world of Steven Universe than Steven himself, and that is sad. You know your cartoon is crumbling where your world generally revolves around the main character and said MAIN CHARACTER is whack! Rebecca Sugar Schnapps and her crew just better git good this season; because it can look good and sound good as long as it wants, but it needs to feel good to be a real show, you feel me?

And that’s my Troof. The whole and nothing but. Thank you <3 Roy M.