#also even if i do not care about him they did give 98 knives like 2-3 anime original scenes i think are really thematically good | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

weirdcat1213 · 1 year ago

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ok i guess this is it

the end of the road

i may do an actual post about it later but fellas, its been an honor suffer read with all of you :3 the meta, memes and reactions? priceless

thank you @revenantghost for bringing us together for the best group activity ever: suffering and crying in a corner :D

lets go one more time

vol 14 thoughts

chap 1:

-THIS ONLY HAS 8 CHAPTERS WTF

-longer than he has been alive? oh thats adorable

-"that is how...i lived my life" why do i feel so sad all of a sudden

-OH YIKES WHAT

-ok damn i get that now, legato is really fast damn

-again, when did vash's coat turn black

-oh shit chronica no

-pls leave vash alone legato

-for some reason vash feel really quiet right now. thinking back to other fights, those didnt feel as quiet as this one, i wonder why

-yeah,,,,sadly i dont think he can control his body either...

-oh ok i didnt notice that the 1st time but thats so interesting. spoilers for 98 but in that one vash's decision is quick, a decision he made against the ropes. he thought about ways to avoid it and then gave up at the last second. here however, he has been thinking about it the moment he started to fight legato i think. like only one man could survive that encounter. he knew from the start it was either the plan (cuz cmon he doesnt care about whether he lives or dies) or legato. at least in 98 the decision was in a quiet setting, imagine giving up your values (and with them a huge part of what you think is your heart) while you are fighting to the death

-HE DOESNT WANT TO DO THIS BRO LEAVE HIM ALONE

-GEESUS oh god no. is he even there or is it vash's imagination

-oh nvm he is here, hi livio

-"dreaming saint" may be one of the saddest nicknames he's ever gotten :c thats kind of what he is and that makes me sad

-and...there he is. not even a word, just him

-:c

chap 2:

-"overkill" huh? maybe

-you did that to choose :c you did what you could. god, he needs to hear more how him trying is enough.

-oh god hes spiraling, this is not the time :c i get it tho

-"you always give up hope so easily" and thats what he did when he chose

-its too early for me to cry, tears go back in

-wait chronica was in the nomad right? is she...yknow...

-i love that panel with meryl picking up vashs head a little bit cuz it gives me the feeling finally someone can protect him from everything, let my man rest pls

-oh shit bro you good?

-oh :c.... oh

-oh god ok its time for the cable

-oh god not the fucking feathers

-if i keep reading today im gonna start crying

chap 3:

-oh my god its the beginning

-he IS a clever bastard ill give you that

-the feathers :c

-oh my, things are happening (aka my cue to cry)

-its time knives, youre gonna fall and hit your stupid head so hard

-YES MERYL YES YOU ARE SO RIGHT MERYL

-NOT THE SCHOOL TRIPS OMG THATS ADORABLE

-...ok i get why *hes* saying that. the conflic, i think, pretty doesnt exist anymore for him but for knives is very real and really present. he may be a little stupid to understand balance and how wrong he is, but at the same time there was a reason for all of this. he committed the same mistakes humans did doing his stupid little crusade but you cant tell little knives, the one who hoped to connect with humans, that he is foolish and reigniting a conflict. its just 2 really different perspectives

chap 4:

-knives is a bastard, and an asshole and he hurt vash so much but damn it. i cant hate him, not after processing trimax for the 2nd time.

-anyway

-oh god not the cable

-VASH OMG MY SON MY MAN MY LITTLE MAN

-GET TFO LEGATO PLS, CANT A MAN BE UNSCOSNCIOUS IN PEACE???

-WOLFWOOD PLEASE TAKE THIS BASTARD AWAY AND TELL VASH HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM

-IT HAPPENED AGAIN, WHY DOES MY BODY REACT SO VIOLENTLY WHEN I SEE REM. ALSO WHY DID IT HAPPEN AGAIN

-also im always gonna say this is vash's mind and not ghosts cuz...idk....it doesnt feel like it. the ghosty presence feels more real in stampede but thats just me

-HIS LITTLE EYES AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-THATS WHAT I MEAN, THATS TOO MEAN FOR A GHOST

-ALSO :C

-hes so tired, hes so fucking tired

-oh wait oh shit

-im granting you nothing you bitch

-oh god knives are you good

-oh yeah hes still there

-oh ok so thats why that plan doesnt work. ok continue

-oh he looks so weird and majestic...you really have to wonder what was nightow thinking when he designed this

-they are so positive, can i have some of that? a gram should do it

-you can easily replace "because i stand with vash the stampede" with jeesus but vash the stampede is cooler im sorry

-also kudos to them for never having a "yknow what im sick of you, i never needed you" kind of arc. thanks nightow. they are married from the beginning til the end

-im...not really sure about where did vash come from but at this point it doesnt matter, im glad hes here <3

chap 5:

-vash in a fucked up mind palace, i win

-"ticket to the future" oh no

-I DIDNT NOTICE HIS ARM IS MISSING???? FUCK???

-HES UP! REJOICE

-FEATHER

-"what a cruel joke" :c

-ONE LAST TIME BABY CMON

-FUCK OK THAT WAS SCARY

-OKOKOK WOWOWOW THAT SO INTERESTING. stampede knives was like "hey this place seems nice for plants, me and my bro. lets keep it" but trimax knives want to literally yeet everything humans have touched. in his mind he can live with other plants idk, in like the middle of space? thats so interesting...

-"what is that noise" YOUR MF SIBLINGS BITCH

-....cmon man. cmon

-were you united by hatred tho? i believe some plants hated humans but not all of them

-leave your own brother alone ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

-"this is insane" it is insane, so you better fucking appreciate what hes doing rn

-AH GEESUS NO HERE IT COMES, THE FUCKING CABLE

-LEAVE HIM ALONE YO

-HURRY VASH HURRY

-"dont touch me" not even us....just him

-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :c

-i fucking love those panels where nightow puts a lot of details and dark lines only to make the next page the softest traces seen by man

-FUCK HIS BODY NOOOOOOOOOO

-OH I FUCKING LOVE THAT PANEL. GIVES ME "ANGEL WHO JUST FUCKING FELL FROM HEAVEN" VIBES

-ALSO KNIVES SHUT UP

-[sidenote: emptiness from the signalis ost just started playing and now i want to bite someone]

-TICKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET :C

chap 6:

-THATS MY FUCKING GIRL

-shut up vash, pls shut up

-oh vash...if it was that easy. but i guess thats the point. its not easy, it will never be easy to communicate, but we have to try. more people should remember that

-"what matters, is that you communicate. that you understand the person next to you is breathing and existing" fucking beautiful nightow

-"i wonder if he'll laugh again. if he'll follow his ideals again" im so...

-oh knives hey buddy

-i hate it, i fucking do but he looks so fucking sad when the plants let him go. when they decide if he wants to keep going down the path of hate he'll have to do it alone. and in his mind i dont think he has ever being alone. it makes me sad im sorry

-using the feather is so smart actually

-oh hes here

-ITS THE SCENE FUCK HERE WE GO NO

-FINAL BATTLE TIME MFSSSSS

-YO KNIVES YOU GOOD CUZ WOW

chap 7:

-OH ON THIS ONE YOU DIDNT EVEN GET TO HEAR HER FINAL WORDS? THATS MESSED UP

-THIS IS IT HERE WE FUCKING GO

-YES PLS KNIVES CMON

-honey...no...pls. let it go, theres literally nothing left to do.

-THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME BUT STILL CMON VASH

-DONT BE A LEGATO RN KNIVES

-oh?

-OH SHIT

-[the promise is playing. the fucking promise is playing]

-YOU "WERE"???? WELL SHIT ON MY FEELINGS NIGHTOW SURE????

-KNIVES???? YO????

-WELL FUCK ME NONONONONON PLS GIVE ME REM BACK PLS PH GOD OH FUCK

-OH SHIT TF IS THAT

-SHIT

-YES PLS RUN, THATS LITERALLY WHAT YOU GUYS COULD HAVE BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME. YOU COULD HAVE RUN AWAY TOGETHER (IN A FRATERNAL WAY)

-he is sadly a stupid idiot but HES MY STUPID IDIOT

-LIVIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE FUCKING MVP

-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PLS GIVE ME BACK WOLFWOOD PLS, I NEED HIM BACK. WHY CANT HIS GHOST TALK TO VASH HUH?????

-ah fuck...them flying away together it looks so beautiful

chap 8:

-HERE WE ARE HERE I AM FUCK ME

-its is a never ending song isnt it

-my man deserved to rest more than 6 months

-hey knives honey why are you saying "hes crucial for you"? is it because you have internalized that humans will keep you around if you seem to be valuable for them? do you think that if vash is crucial they wont kill him? in the many years you have lived you dont know any other ways to ask for help than guaranteeing there will be something to be gained? huh?

-that kid has to live with one of The Traumas ever huh?

-IM GONNA CHOOSE TO BELIEVE HE LIVES IN THE FUCKING TREE CUZ HIM JUST DISSAPEARING IN THE AIR? TOO SAD. TOO FUCKING SAD. I WANT HIM BACK AS WELL

-YES YOUVE DONE MORE THAN ENOUGHHHH, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO YELL THIS *looks at publication date* right

-i dont remember your name doc but damn, you are everything.

-ALSO 1ST AN OLD LADY WITH HER GRANDDAUGHTER SAVE VASH AND THEN A DOC WITH HIS KID SAVE VASH??? SOMETHING SOMETHING ABOUT FAMILIES AND MAKING A SPACE FOR VAHS WHO LOST HIS FAMILY

-you are so fucking stupid and i love you

-also where did he get...yknow...everything

-you should do that...im begging you to do that pls. get all of that, just live peacefully pls

-MY GIRLS ARE HERE :'D

-YOU SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED, LEAVING MY GIRL MERYL LIKE THAT

-stooooop :'c my heart, this is too many ":D"

-THEIR FACE GOD I LOVE THEM SM PLS DONT LEAVE ME HERE

-GIRLS WHERE ARE YOUR GUNS LMAO XD

-the dumbest little song ever, god i could eat this man

-LINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MY BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

-LIVIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-ah fuck...i ended up crying again and i still dont know why :'D

what a fucking, FUCKING TRIP. this is literally one of the best things the internet has ever done. i want to hug everyone who participated on this. we did it. we fucking did it

#trigun #trimax #trigun maximum #trigunbookclub #the end of the fucking ride #what a fucking beautiful journey #love and peace everyone #now im gonna go to the corner and fucking stare at the wall

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humanoidtyphoons · 5 months ago

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trigun omnibus vol 2:

-oh no kidding, vash is much more angry in the manga. like his rage towards knives is just. jeez, you have to take a minute to let sink in how much he hates knives! (despite everything, in 98 & tristamp, i don't think vash hates knives, he's disappointed and afraid but also... doesn't know what to do with him either when they meet, so he runs, and kinda hopes the meeting never comes, imo?) 98!vash is... to me, he's primarily true self is sad, and he's a lil glass eyed and cheery; i'm not quite decided on tristamp!vash, tbh. but vash -- no, i think monev is right in the manga: the real vash is angry beyond belief -- he's looking for knives to kill him bc he killed rem but simultaneously doesn't know where he is since july, those 20 years ago. but i also really like how he tries to use his image of rem as a morality point, when he despairs, when he is about to kill, he relies on her image to hold himself back.

-oh so knives does have a mole under his eye in the manga! i couldn't really see it in vol 1, but vol 2? def. visible!!!! long haired knives is a look, ngl!!

-wolfwood, wolfwood, wolfwood! my darling boy!!!! okay so one of my favourite things about characters is that -- they make a nice likeable impression, and then a lil bit later, that character turns up again and it's like oh shit, they're more integral to the plot than i thought!! they're potentially more sinister than i first assumed! i'm in trouble! an excellent example of that is meeting blackbeard for the first time in one piece, bc you don't know his name until the end of his first appearance and then he reveals it and then oh shit, yk??? and so him and vash meeting on the bus, vash spotting him in the desert, and wolfwood mentioning his motorbike, and then they just... vibe, it's... sweet, yk? that vash begins the chapter by saying 'i can see the true heart of people, what they're like', and then wolfwood says 'finally, a real smile on your face... the other one is so forced it's heartbreaking', and. just. ugh. ugh. ugh.

-anyway then, when they split ways, and wolfwood goes to the church, and meets legato, where he's called chapel... i just love it. their pathways happened to have crossed, bc they were going the same direction, not knowing (i think) that they were destined to be against each other.

-the whole knives vs vash fight. it's so different to the 98 anime, where i think legato causes it to happen, and wolfwood is outside augusta, and arrives too late, and kills raidei. but in the manga? something about all of the remaining gung ho guns watching in the shadows like observers, and wolfwood is just. freaking out. bc vash shot the moon. it's so good. it's SO good. and god!!!!! i need a third anime that's more faithful bc it's cinematic to me.

-the angelic imagery. the feathers. it's so... it's breathtaking and i'm so glad it continues in trimax bc the body horror of it all... it's gorgeous.

-something soooo interesting about pairing monev the gale fight vs vash, with flashbacks of bb vash&knives, even tho knives is unseen, he's there. i think maybe 98 did better by removing the flashback and giving its own separate episode after augusta gets destroyed tbh, but then. it's so intriguing to juxtapose them here, bc monev is the first one to go after vash, tho legato gives a 'friendly' heads' up, and it's just. mm, no wonder vash is furious.

-fuck, the two years later thing happens here in the manga. ooh tristar, i am excited!!! eriks eriks eriks!!!

-ngl i kinda dig milly/vash a smidge more in the manga? like her perception... while not always 100%, i do like that she's the one who is always a bit. aware of the changes in vash's expressions, she notices, so he has to put his glasses on so he becomes harder to read.

-it's so interesting that vash doesn't have much of a relationship/friendship with milly and meryl in the manga. like i love 98 for meryl (esp.) coming to terms with vash, and from being kinda annoyed by him, to slowly caring and worrying about him. and while you do have that in the manga, it's not... quite as gradual? meryl is shocked that vash actually calls them by their names for the first time, and it's been like 14 chapters since they met, and vash is about to fight monev. but it also feels harder to call them friends? bc the pacing is kinda choppy and frenetic, whereas 98 got to meander for a bit before things felt serious and vash wanted to cut ties with them much later.

-pilot chapter is so cute! vash you freaking weirdo dancing into a ransom situation!!! you're so cute!!! you're so cute!!! vash doing his morning routine and going by a different name is also v. cute, and i like how the anime included them.

-knives hitting legato and saying who said you could kill vash? while i don't think it's as... extreme? as the tristamp version, i do dig his possessiveness. but there's a monstrousness in tristamp knives love that i adore, his selfish fierce protection of vash, that he wants to kill humanity to that extent, to keep vash safe, to not let tesla repeat ever again, regardless if that's what vash wants. (it isn't what vash wants at all.) it's not quite that in trimax, tbh, but it's still. still compels me.

okay curious to know where the true divergence happens, bc trimax must have started already, bc the 98 anime continues to include aspects of it, and makes it its own, even tho there's a lot that changes too.

-tbh... i still think vash masks less in the manga than the anime? i think it's easier for 98 vash to mask, bc there's a lot of filler episodes so he can have that front more evident when comparing to later episodes, so he gets to be more silly thanks to the situations made up for him, but i also think the vocal performance helps immensely, bc of how his voice changes based on the situation. like he's still does mask in the manga, dgmw, bc meryl and milly see his scarred torso, and are shocked at the sight, the price he has to pay, bc of his ideals, whereas he often acts as if... he's fine, his injuries don't affect him. (but they do. they don't regenerate. i thought maybe he might heal faster, but he's never getting his arm back, he's never going to be unscarred either i don't think, but maybe he recovers fasher than a normal human being would.)

anyway, onto trimax vol 1!

#trigun talk

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songtoyou · 4 years ago

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Chapter Two: Playful Conversations

Paring: Ransom Drysdale x Fabiola Rossi (OC)

Story Rating: This story will mostly be rated 18+ as it is revolves around a relationship that is Dominant/submissive. For each chapter, I will do my best to rate it accordingly, but please know that the overall story will have very adult themes.

Chapter Rating: Rated R with a mix of 18+ towards the end.

Warnings: BDSM themes, bondage, swearing

Word Count: 3,173

Description: Huge “Ransom” Drysdale always thought of himself as a powerful man. With his family’s money and status, Ransom could get away with anything. He had the power and control others would envy. Ransom could get any woman he wanted with a snap of his fingers. He was always in charge. He commanded attention. And he hated it. Never having a job in his life (thanks to his mother, father, and grandfather always there to supplement his bank account) or any real-life goals, Ransom felt incomplete and directionless. That is until Fabiola Rossi entered his life and turned it completely upside down.

A/N: I have not seen Knives Out. This is an AU of that world. I do not own any of the characters created by Rian Johnson. I have always thought of Ransom as a sub rather than a Dominant and this idea has been on my mind constantly that I needed to write it down. Anything in italics are to represent Ransom’s thoughts.

I do not permit any of my fics to be distributed on other sites without my permission.

Taglist: @winchwm

Updated for grammar and punctuation edits.

“Just so you know, it is nothing like how ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ portrays it. That book and movie series is total bullshit and completely disrespectful to the BDSM community,” Fabiola expressed to Ransom and continued with, ��There are a lot of elements that follow under the BDSM umbrella. Have you ever looked into BDSM or been interested?”

What did Ransom know about BDSM or a D/s relationship? Nothing. Nothing at all.

“Anything that had to do with bondage entailed me being the one doing the tying up. Nothing too hardcore. No pain involved. Just light choking or spanking. But again, I wasn’t the receiver. If I do actually agree to this, then I would be your submissive? What makes you think I even classify as one?” Ransom asked.

“Oh honey, you are a total submissive. You reek of submissiveness. It oozes out of you. That is nothing to be embarrassed about. Being submissive does not mean you are weak. Never equate submissiveness with weakness in a D/s relationship,” Fabiola explained.

Fabiola suggested he should read up on the subject and even said she would send over articles that could help him understand the concept of BDSM more thoroughly. “Here, put your number in my phone,” she instructed, handing the object over to him.

Ransom obliged and put in his phone number. Fabiola immediately began to text Ransom articles about BDSM and D/s relationships.

“Those articles are good to start with. I’ll also send over this BDSM test I found on the Internet. You should take it as it will help me, and you figure out what type of sexual deviant you are. Like, are you a pain slut, do you like degradation, etcetera?” Fabiola rambled off suggestively.

Ransom leaned in more towards Fabiola and recommended, “What if I don’t know what I like? A test isn’t going to help me figure it out since I most likely never done much of anything within the BDSM realm. I think it would best if we do some hands-on practices, don’t you think?”

“So, you are saying you want to give this a try? I don’t want to force you to do anything you aren’t comfortable doing just so we are clear.”

“If I weren’t interested, I would have walked out that door. Hell, I wouldn’t even have asked you to meet me if I didn’t find you, not only beautiful but fascinating as well,” Ransom declared as he took one last sip of his drink.

“Okay. I still want you to do some research and tell me what you may be interested in, and we can go from there,” Fabiola stated as she began to put her things back in her messenger bag and suggested meeting up again next Saturday but at her place this time. “Will that give you enough time to read up on the subject more?” she added.

Ransom simply nodded his head.

Fabiola learned closer to Ransom and whispered in his ear, “Just so you know, it would in your best interest from now on to give me ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers. You will use your words with me, Baby Hughie. If not, then a nice ball gag will fit nicely in the pretty mouth of yours since you feel no need to use it.”

Once again, Ransom was stunned. This woman truly knew how to keep him on his toes. He could feel his cock twitch in his pants when she scolded and threatened him with punishment. It was the first real excitement Ransom felt in a long time.

“Yes,” he answered softly and wide-eyed.

Fabiola kissed Ransom on the cheek and told him, “I’ll see you soon, sweetheart. Be good for me, okay.”

“I will,” Ransom replied obediently.

With a smile on her face, Fabiola grazed her hand against his cheek and said, “Good boy.”

Before Ransom was to meet up again with Fabiola, he did as he was told and read the articles she texted. He learned about hard limits and started to think about what would be off-limits for him. Ransom realized a couple of the hard limits were golden showers (or anything we urine and feces), tickling, or needle play. He read about aftercare, which occurs after a scene where the dominant helps the submissive come down from “subspace.”

After reading and researching more about the overall ins and outs of a D/s relationship, Ransom felt comfortable taking the BDSM test Fabiola requested for him to take. The answering ranking for each question was “absolutely disagree,” “neutral/no opinion,” and “absolutely agree.”

The first question asked if he liked being dominated, especially in the bedroom. With Fabiola, it was something he was more than willing to give it a try, so he answered with “absolutely agree.”

The second question was, “I like receiving pain during sex/BDSM and seeing the results of it (marks/bruises, makeup running by tears, etc.) afterward.” This one he had to give some thought. Again, he was willing to try but only put “neutral” as his response.

Other questions on the tests ranged from “The idea of being tortured sexually, is appealing” to “I like to be sexually degraded and humiliated by my partner(s) sometimes,” which Ransom selected “absolutely agree” to both.

His overall results were interesting, to say the least: 98% rope bunny, 94% degrade, 84% Submissive, 70% brat, 70% Masochist, 64% Slave, 53% experimentalist. He sent the results over the Fabiola to get an idea of what she might be working with.

Hi Ransom,

This helps. However, that does not mean that results can’t change when we eventually try things out. Again, I will make sure to go slow with you. I won’t force you to do anything you are not comfortable doing.

I look forward to seeing you on Saturday.

Take care,

Fabiola

Ransom immediately wrote back, which he found kind of funny since he never replied quickly to emails or texts. He asked her out to dinner, hoping that the two could continue to get to know one another more. Ransom mentioned Sorellina, which offered Italian-Mediterranean cuisine. It was a very upscale restaurant in the Boston area, and Ransom was hoping it would impress Fabiola that he could offer to take her to such a fancy establishment. He would go all out to impress her, hoping that she would think of him worthy of keeping around.

The two texted one another frequently throughout the week, whether it be Ransom asking Fabiola questions about BDSM or partake in the mundane topic exchange. It was nice for Ransom to have someone he could converse with that was not a part of his usual crowd or trust fund babies or party-goers. Communicating with Fabiola helped Ransom keep himself occupied. He even began to write more, which took up most of his time that he did not have the energy to party or hang out with his stoner friends.

Despite the pleading and temptations his friends offered to join in on the festivities, Ransom declined to cite that he was too busy. Instead, he continued to focus on writing as he wanted to show more of his work to Fabiola. Despite not knowing the younger very well, Ransom could not deny that he liked the compliment she gave him on his writing. He wanted her to praise him again like she did at the café. He kept fantasizing about what she would do to him the night they were to meet up again. Would she tie him up and edge him for hours? She mentioned that she wanted to meet up at her place, so that was an incentive to Ransom to wonder what she had in store for him.

The night before he was to meet up with Fabiola, he called her out of the blue. He wanted to hear her voice.

“Ransom, you okay?” Fabiola asked when she answered the phone. She was surprised to see his name come up, particularly at such a late hour at night.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Everything is good. I just wanted…just wanted to…talk. If that is okay?”

“Of course, that is okay. What do you want to talk about?” she inquired.

Letting out a deep breath, Ransom spoke, “I’ve been thinking about our possible arrangement…”

“Are you having second thoughts?” Fabiola asked worriedly.

“No! No, I’m not having second thoughts. Not at all. I have been thinking a lot about it, actually. I was just kind of hoping you could give me some insight into what I should be expected if that is okay?”

“Not a problem. Reading as many articles as you have this week doesn’t really give you the proper insight into the whole BDSM world. Also, don’t worry if you don’t understand everything your first week. You won’t be graded on anything,” Fabiola informed and continued with, “We’ll start off slow. But why don’t you tell me what you would like to try?”

Ransom shared that he did not mind being tied up but that he was a little nervous about anything pain-inducing. He also shared that his new fantasy was her denying him orgasms.

“I have a flogger that shouldn’t hurt you too badly. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna flog you until you bleed or anything. I tend to not take it that far. Thankfully, I am exceptionally good at edging my subs and controlling their orgasms. That is one of my favorite activities to play,” Fabiola teased over the phone.

The two continued to talk over the phone, where the conversations ranged from discussing BDSM to mundane. Ransom beamed over the phone when he was able to make Fabiola laugh when retelling a story about the time he got locked out of the fraternity house he was “rushing’ during freshman year while naked and smeared with peanut butter all over his body.

“I got chased by the neighborhood dogs. They were trying to eat me. To this day, I have a phobia of dogs. My grandpa has two big German shepherds who always try to jump on me whenever I visit him. They have it out for me.”

“You poor thing,” Fabiola consoled while not being able to hold back her laughter. “I had a goat headbutt me in the stomach when I was five. It hurt so fucking bad.”

“Why were you around a goat?” Ransom asked, confused.

“Because I was tagging along with my older sister to one of her friend’s house, and the girl had a pet goat. I’m telling you, Ransom, the pain in my stomach from that headbutt was unbearable. Can you imagine being five years old and getting headbutted in the stomach by a fucking goat! Now that shit is traumatic,” Fabiola shared. She still remembers the feeling of having to walk home in excruciating pain after the goat incident.

“Okay, you win. I can’t beat that regarding animal encounters.”

“I think my sister has a beat. She got chased by a peacock one time when we were visiting the zoo with our friends. For some reason, the zoo we went to just had a peacock roaming around freely. Oh God, it was so funny. Too bad I don’t have that on camera,” laughed Fabiola.

Ransom let a chuckle as well. He felt comfortable and at ease while talking to Fabiola.

“Can I ask you something personal?” asked Fabiola out of the blue.

“Only if I get to ask something personal back,” Ransom negotiated.

“Okay. What did you want to be when you grew up?”

Ransom let out a chuckle. That was not the question he was expecting. “That is a little tame. I guess…I don’t know. I can’t remember. Why do you ask? Why do you want to know?”

“I just want to get a better sense of who you are. Finding out your hopes and dreams helps to do that. I…no offense, don’t think you necessarily wanted to be this trust fund bachelor for the rest of your life. You strike me as someone who likes their independence, so I am simply confused about why you would want to be beholden to your family’s wealth for income. Aren’t you ever worried that your grandfather or parents will cut you off one day?”

“Idle threats,” Ransom responded nonchalantly. “They would never go through with it.”

With a mere hum, Fabiola did not push the topic further, knowing she would not get much from Ransom. He was clueless to think he could mooch off his family for the rest of his life. She had overheard a conversation Charlie had with Harlan about Ransom. Fabiola was able to make out from the dialogue how Harlan seemed to be perturbed by Ransom’s mindless spending. Apparently, his grandson was spending up to $10,000 to $15,000 a month. Harlan was distressed on what Ransom could be spending all that money on, whether clothes or other mundane items. The Thrombey clan’s patriarch expressed worry and fear that he coddled and spoiled, but his favorite grandchild was partaking in unsavory activities, like drugs. However, it was never brought up in fear of finding out the truth. Denial and avoidance were two of the Thrombey/Drysdale clan’s favorite coping mechanisms.

“Now, for my question,” Ransom was more than happy to change the subject. “What made you interested in BDSM?”

“I knew you were gonna ask that question,” said Fabiola with an eye roll and shake of her head, but continued, “To be honest, I have always had some fascination with seeing people tied up. I would say that started when I saw Madonna’s music video for ‘Human Nature’ where she is in a latex bodysuit and being a dominatrix to one of the dancers. She was also chained to a chair. She was so freaking hot back in the 90s. I guess that was my first time seeing BDSM imagery so out in the open. Of course, I didn’t know what it was actually referred to. It wasn’t until college when I started to learn more about it from a person who would be my first dom.”

Ransom sat up at the confession. “Wait! Hold up, you were a submissive?”

“Well, yeah. I was exploring and needed some guidance. It helped me realize that I am more of a domme than a submissive. I like being in control and having some at my complete mercy,” toyed Fabiola.

“You really are an enigma. I can’t quite get you figured out.”

“And with that, I will bid you goodnight. Sleep well, Baby Hughie.”

“Look at you, all helpless and at my complete mercy. You look so delicious spread out. All tied up nice and pretty for me,” stated Fabiola as she paced back and forth at the foot of Ransom’s bed. She had tied him spread eagle on his bed with red rope. She laughed when he tried to tug at his binds.

“You’re not going to be able to get out those ropes. This is your rightful place, isn’t it Ransom. Helpless and at my mercy.”

“Yes, it is Mistress. Thank you,” Ransom breathed out. His cock was stiffening as he tried to flex his hands and fit against the ropes. He could not remember a time when he felt so turned on and hard.

“What color are you at, Ransom?” she asked to make sure he was still doing okay.

“Green, mistress,” he replied.

“Good boy. However, I think something is missing. It does not quite feel complete,” Fabiola pondered with a head tilt. She went back to her closet of toys, took out a ball gag, and presented it to Ransom. Letting out a laugh, she got on the bed and sat between his legs. Inserting the gag in his mouth and tightening the straps to secure it in place, Fabiola sat back on her knees to look at the vulnerable man before her.

“Beautiful,” she breathed out while running her hands up and down Ransom’s bare chest. “This is exactly how I pictured you the night I first met you. I knew you would be mine. Are you happy being mine, Ransom?”

Ransom nodded and tried to speak, but all he could get out was a muffled, “Yes.”

Lying down beside Ransom, Fabiola draped her right leg over him and traced a finger against his gagged mouth. “It feels good tonight to not be in control, isn’t it, Ransom? To not have to worry about anything except to please me. To not have to make any decisions except to follow my orders. Your parents failed you, so this is where I come in to make sure you become the man you were always meant to be, Ransom.”

Giving him a wet kiss on his gagged mouth, Fabiola began to trail kisses down his neck to his stomach before stopping at his Adonis belt. She sat back on her knees once again to take him all in.

“Do you want me to suck you cock, Baby Hughie?”

Another muffled ‘yes’ from Ransom made Fabiola chuckle. “Of course, you want me to suck your cock. You are such a slut. You would probably allow me to do anything I wanted to do as long as you came. But guess what, you’re going to have to earn your orgasms from now, Baby Hughie. No more handouts. For the first time in your life, you are going to have to work for what you want,” Fabiola explained with a strong authoritative tone.

Ransom tried to concentrate, but all he could think about was how hard his cock was at that moment. Fabiola could tell that Ransom was not paying attention to her, so she quickly slapped him right across his face. Ransom looked back at the woman before with a shocked expression on his face, letting out a groan at being slapped.

“You better pay attention to me, little boy. I guess we are also going to have to work on your manners, you undisciplined little slut,” Fabiola berated him. God, he loved the degrading things she said to him. It only turned him more.

“Now, I do want to give you a little taste,” she said, getting her mouth closer to the base of his cock. As Ransom tried to push his hips closer to Fabiola, he already felt like he was about to explode his load. He could not hold it any longer. The need to release was too excruciating. It was not long before Ransom felt himself cumming all over the bed and himself.

He quickly sat up and looked around his room. No longer was he gagged or bound to the bed. Fabiola was nowhere in sight. Breathing heavily, Ransom sat up against the headboard. He checked under the covers and, low and behold, proof that it was all a wet dream.

“A wet dream. Really? What the fuck am I twelve. Jesus Christ!” Ransom berated himself as he got out of bed to discard his now soiled pajama pants and clean himself up.

He only hoped that his first night with Fabiola would be more fulfilling than the dream.

#chris evans #ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale x ofc

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logansanderslove · 5 years ago

Text

Logan 3.0 (3/?)

CO-AUTHOR: @demented-dukey

Summary: Remus is an incorrigible flirt, and Logan can only bear the innuendo for so long until something has to give. Passions erupt, but there are more lasting repercussions than either could have predicted, including a significant transformation to Logan himself! How will these new changes affect the delicate balance of Thomas’s mental state? When a new dark side threatens the lives of several of the other sides, will Logan and Remus’s love be strong enough to save everyone, including Thomas?

Ships: INTRULOGICAL

Sanders Sides: Logan, Remus, Thomas, Roman, Virgil, Patton, Deceit

Fic type: Drama, Romantic, Action, Flirty

Trigger Warnings: No character deaths, but a lot of very close calls. Consensual knife play and bloodplay, and lots of bloody fighting and monster attacks. If you’re sensitive to unsympathetic characters, some parts flirt pretty close to that, but there’s also a lot of extenuating circumstances to explain the situation, and there’s a happy ending once you get through the angst and misunderstandings. Self-harm and references to such, and suicidal tendencies.

MASTERLIST

Chapter 3: What’s Happening?

Hours later, Logan's eyes fluttered open, a small groan escaping his lips. Oh God, his head hurt. He went to sit up but a sharp stab of pain restricted him from doing so. He glanced down to see his shirt had been removed and the wound inflicted by Roman had been bandaged and cleaned.

Looking around, he raised his eyebrow at the dark-colored room, the maces and morningstar hanging on the wall, all the many knives that lay scattered and were stuck in the walls and ceiling, the...posters of unicorn porn?

He sighed.

This was Remus' room.

He smiled, then forced himself to sit up, sucking in air through the intense pain. Once he was upright, he put a hand gently to his throat, feeling the sting from where Roman's tight grip had almost killed him. He concentrated on trying to heal his wounds, but his head started to pound so he stopped with a hard breath.

He heard a sound, then turned to see Remus rise up. He met him with a smile.

"You're awake!" Remus chirped, holding a tray of food. He hurried over, placing the tray on the bed, sitting down next to Logan. The silver tray was tarnished, and the silverware was clean but dotted with water spots - something Patton would never have tolerated in the Light Sides' kitchen. The food on the tray was also non-standard fare - a bowl of what smelled like spicy gumbo, black coffee so strong it could crawl out of the cup, applesauce with what looked like raisins and anchovies, and a shredded-carrot coleslaw. "How are you feeling, Lo-black-and-blue-berry?"

Remus frowned, "I tried to find some Crofters, but I think my bastard brother raided my stash the last time he got a bit peckish."

Logan smiled, leaning against his boyfriend. "It is fine, Remus. Good thing I have MY store of Crofters hidden where Roman will never find it." He said. Then he smirked. "Inside my bookshelf. And other places around my room." He said, then he closed his eyes as he scooted closer. "Thank you for taking care of me, love."

"I could do no less for my knight in shining armor," Remus purred, honored that Logan was sharing his secrets with him. He cuddled Logan, encouraging the side to lean against him. All the skin on display was distracting now that Logan was awake, but Remus forced himself under control - there would be time to draw on that canvas later. "You have performed admirably in your cause, and have earned a reward. Name your boon, and I'll grant it."

Logan smirked. "You are over the top, like your brother. But it works on you." He said with a wink, then his lips curled up in a smile. "How about just a nice cuddle?"

Remus grinned, "I can do that!" He tugged a dark green blanket over them to keep Logan warm. "We can cuddle as long as you desire! The others can pound on the door until Doomsday and we won't be disturbed." He leaned close to whisper into Logan's ear, "My room has very thick soundproof walls and doors."

"I'm guessing for obvious reasons." Logan stroked Remus' cheek. "We can save that for another day. For now, my head hurts and I just want to rest in your arms, love."

"As you wish, darling." Yeah, Remus was sappy and quoting romance movies. So sue him, Roman didn't get all the romantic tenancies in the divorce. He wondered why Logan hadn't vanished away his own injuries yet - Remus had tried while Logan was unconscious, but that was another power that was beyond his abilities - but if Logan wanted a bit of hurt/comfort, Remus was more than willing to indulge him. He cradled Logan close, nuzzling Logan's neck and sighing happily.

Patton's eyes went wide in shock. "HE DID WHAT?!" He exclaimed as Roman nursed the lump on his head, the Prince's eyes narrowing.

"Logan hit me!" He then bit his lip. "I have to say, he has a pretty mean left jab."

He shook his head. "But STILL! HOW COULD HE POSSIBLY LOVE MY BROTHER?! WHAT DOES HE SEE IN HIM?!"

Patton blinked owl-leshly behind his big glasses. "Back up. Logan loves Remus? When did this happen???"

Roman waved his free hand in the air in frustration. "I don't know. I caught them nearly fornicating on the couch, but this is the first time I've seen Logan give Re the time of day."

Patton bit his lip. "Do you think the others know? Like Virgil?"

As if summoned by the sound of his name, Virgil rose up. "Yo, what's up, people?" He took one look at Roman cradling his head and Patton's worried face, then his gaze caught on a smear on the carpet, and he screeched, "IS THAT BLOOD???"

Roman nodded. "Uh...yeah....about that..." He sighed, rubbing the back of his head ruefully. "I MAY have...uh...stabbed Logan."

"YOU WHAT?!" Patton shrieked.

"Vicious, Princey." Even Virgil looked wary of Roman now. "What did he ever do to you?"

Patton was freaking out, "Where did you stab him??? Is he all right? Where is he??? WHY DID YOU STAB HIM???"

Roman frowned. "He was mocking me! Pushing me! He was TAUNTING ME TO HURT HIM!" He shook his head. "He...he wasn't himself....it was like someone had flipped a switch and suddenly he was a darker version of himself."

Patton wrung his hands together. "But...where is he?" He wondered, and Roman sighed.

"Best guess? Remus probably took him to his room after I knocked Logan out." He held up his hands at the wide eyes from the other two. "HE WASN’T HIMSELF! AND HE WAS CALLING ME STUPID AND EGGING ME ON! IT WAS HIS OWN FAULT!"

Virgil rolled his eyes, "Way to be responsible with a lethal weapon. Also, bee-tee-dubs, 'He was asking for it' and 'It was his own fault' is kinda victim-blamey, dude."

"Maybe we should go check on Logan?" Patton said, fretting with the sleeves of his hoodie.

Virgil shook his head. "No use. I've been to Remus's room before - the thing's solid as a fortress. Nobody's getting in or out unless Remus allows it, and if he's gone feral, the drawbridge will be locked up tight. We'll have to wait for Logan to come out on his own."

"I guess... that'll be all right? As long as Thomas is still doing okay...?" Patton said.

"Yessssss, because that is what you should be focusing on," came a hiss from the shadows, causing them to jump as Deceit appeared.

"Deceit!" Patton yelped in surprise, "Did you know about Remus and Logan?"

Virgil crossed his arms in defense, eyeing the snake, "What do you mean?"

Deceit ignored them and focused on Roman, "You said Logan was acting totally normal? He wasn't suddenly a darker version of himself?"

Roman raised his eyebrow. "Uh, yeah?" He rubbed the back of his head. "He's got some serious pent-up anger in there."

Virgil started chewing on his thumbnail nervously.

"That... doesn't sound like Logan at all." Patton murmured hesitantly.

Roman rolled his eyes. "The guy seems to have no emotions 98% of the time. All of that has to go somewhere." He turned on Deceit. "Why do you ask, anyway?"

Deceit sighed, an exhausted Lord-why-did-you-curse-me-to-deal-with-these-morons exhale of breath. "Because it's totally not possible for an aspect to change, and Thomas would be completely fine if the seat of his mind and logic also controlled his anger and fury."

"You think... Logan's going to become a Dark Side?" Patton whispered in shocked disbelief.

Roman's eyes grew wider than the moon when he considered it. Had he been the one to push Logan over the edge? What if Thomas lost his logical side because of him?!

Roman spun around and grabbed Deceit's shoulders, shocking the other side.

"Deceit, I need you to go to my brother's room, find Logan, and bring him back, okay?! We need to make sure Remus won't turn him into a Dark side!" He said with panic.

Deceit raised his eyebrow, then shook his head. "It does work like that, Roman. Remus can turn Logan into a dark side. And Logan is the one who is doing it to himself." He drawled out, but Roman shook his head.

"I don’t care! You're the only one who can actually get into his room! GO!"

"I am definitely going to fix this entire situation." Deceit drawled, skepticism dripping from his voice as he sunk out.

Deceit reappeared outside the door to Remus's room. He knew there was no point in knocking - Remus wouldn't be able to hear it, and even on a good day, the chaotic side was likely to ignore a polite greeting just to be contrary. With a twist of his wrist, Deceit summoned a tiny grass snake and lowered it to the ground. If Remus was in a bad mood (which was extremely likely), then the color of the snake might be the extra lure needed for Remus to grant him an audience. "Find Remussssss." Deceit hissed to the snake, "Tell him I need to sssssee him."

The snake bobbed its head once, tongue flicking out to taste the air, before turning to face the door. There was a tiny crack under one corner of the door, small enough that only the smallest of Deceit's snakes and Virgil's spiders could crawl through. When Remus was truly throwing a fit, he plugged up the hole, but most of the time it was available for emergencies. And Deceit figured this could be categorized as such.

Remus drifted awake from some lovely blood-soaked and scream-filled dreams when he felt something smooth slip around his wrist. For a moment he wondered if Logan was surprising him with handcuffs, but the thought vanished when Remus felt the sensation slither up his arm. He cracked one eye open, watching the gorgeous green snake rear up and taste his cheek in a friendly way. "Really, so soon?" Remus groaned, closing his eye and snuggling back against Logan.

Logan twitched in his sleep, then opened his eyes when he heard a small hissing. He raised his head, rubbing his face tiredly as he reached for his glasses. Once he put them on, he was confronted by a very small little green snake resting on the pillow beside Remus' head. He raised his eyebrow.

"I assume this is one of Deceit's snakes..." he muttered, then he gently shook Remus awake. "Love, there is a snake on your pillow trying to get your attention. I think Deceit wants to talk to you."

"Nooooooo." Remus clenched his eyes closed, clinging to Logan. "Five more minutes," he whined.

Logan sighed, then rolled out of bed, a difficult task trying to escape Remus' cling. But he managed, and he stood up and went to the door, unlocking and opening it to see the snake-faced man standing before him. Logan frowned.

"What do you want, Deceit? We were asleep."

"Sssso sorry to bother you," Deceit snarked, eyeing Logan carefully from head to toe, making note of his shirtlessness and visible wounds and bruises. His gaze returned to Logan's face, and he squinted as he looked deep into Logan's eyes. "The other sides are not concerned about your welfare, and they would never send me to check on you."

Logan nodded with a sigh. "Ah. I assume that Roman told them everything, including my loss of temper?" He frowned. "I can also guess that he told you I hit him when in reality, he did far more damage to me." He twitched his shoulder and gently put a finger to his jaw, then his neck. "And he called ME aggressive."

Deceit nodded towards the bandage on Logan's shoulder. "There was no mention that you might have been wounded. Although I can totally understand why you're still injured."

The tiny grass snake had returned, winding up Deceit's leg. Deceit reached for it and let the snake slither inside his sleeve. They were joined by a sleep-tousled Remus, who embraced Logan from behind and rested his chin on Logan's good shoulder.

Logan smiled as he reached back to rub Remus' cheek, then he sighed. "I tried healing them and vanishing them. It won't work, Deceit." He then crossed his arms. "It does not matter, though. Did you need something other than to ask me how I am?" His voice turned slightly bitter. "Has Roman come down from his high horse yet of saying that it was my fault? Because I know that he would blame it on me. As usual."

Deceit shrugged. "Everyone knows Roman is the most reliable source of information, and you are definitely the only one to blame." He buffed his nails on his cape, and remarked offhandedly, "There was no talk whatsoever of you becoming a dark side yourself."

Remus started, "Wait, what?" Logan? Becoming a dark side? Of all the random and crazy thoughts that popped into Remus' head, that was one he'd never thought about. But... it kinda made sense... and if Virgil could transition, it was possible that the reverse could happen too... "Is that even possible?"

Logan scrunched up his face, rubbing his chin. "...In theory, I believe it could be possible..." he lifted his head with a raised eyebrow. "But why in the name of Newton would they ever suspect me as having a transition? What would possess them to consider that I would ever turn to a Dark Side?"

Deceit looked Logan dead in the eye, "I'm sure I don't have the foggiest clue. It is completely logical to get into a fight, and very normal for you to aggravate Roman into violence."

Nipping Logan's ear, Remus said, "Not gonna lie, it was hot to see you egging him on."

Logan closed his eyes with a sigh, then shook his head. "Perhaps you are right that I was a bit illogical. My actions were quite… unnecessary. However, I still do not entirely see why they would think that I would be becoming a Dark Side."

Logan turned his head to meet Remus' eyes with a questioning gaze. "What exactly are the qualifications for one to be classified as a Dark Side?"

Remus blinked. Today was full of new and interesting thoughts he'd never stopped to ponder before. "I... I don't know? I don't think there's...like, a list or anything? Everyone just said... I mean, I guess it up to whatever Thomas thinks? Or, maybe not just Thomas..."

"Morality." Deceit hissed. "...would definitely not have the final say, and dear Patton has complete control over his own powers." He shrugged, "In the end, it isn't up to each side to choose their own alignment, although Morality was not the one to set up the alignments in the first place, and does not unconsciously enforce the alignment as part of his powers."

Logan's eyes went wide. "Wait, WHAT?! So, if Patton starts to think of me as becoming a Dark Side all because Roman threw a temper tantrum and I may have gotten a bit frustrated, Patton can turn me into a Dark Side?!" He exclaimed, letting out a hard breath as Remus wrapped his arms around him.

Logan felt like his chest was going to explode. Just because he had lost his nerve a tad and then Roman had to go and tattle on him when he was the one who really did the most damage, he could become a Dark Side without wanting to...because Patton would fear him…

What would happen to Thomas if Patton dubbed him as a Dark Side?

His eyes then shot open, glancing down at his wounds as something clicked in his head. "Oh, god..." he muttered.

Deceit rolled his eyes, "It definitely works like that," he muttered under his breath, "I love how everyone always listens to me."

Remus had briefly examined the idea of Logan going dark and found he kinda liked the idea. Lo already looked good in black! And maybe his room would be moved closer! (and maybe the others would be less likely to interfere with two dark sides dating than they would a light/dark relationship - after all, if Logan was already corrupted, nobody could accuse Remus of corrupting him further). But it was obvious the idea was causing Logan distress, and Remus did NOT like that. He began rubbing Logan's shoulders in a gentle massage, wary of his injuries, and manifested a couple shadowy tentacles from his back to wrap around them both, hugging Logan around the waist.

Logan let out a long shaky breath, then he looked back up at Deceit. "Listen, I'm rather concerned right now and my neurons are firing faster than I can process. So can you honestly explain what you mean, and how this is happening? Simply and honestly, Dee."

Remus gently latched onto Logan's good shoulder with his teeth - not really biting, just mouthing the flesh and imprinting his teeth into the skin. The distraction helped keep him from talking and possibly saying something wrong, and he really wanted to listen to this conversation - he didn't think Patton could force anyone to become a dark side, but he didn't really remember his own split with Roman very well, and he personally never asked to be a Dark side... everyone just kept telling him he was, and he'd never questioned it. He'd never even really considered trying to become a light side since Roman was always already there.

Deceit grimaced and took a deep breath. "I... am," he hesitated, and forced out, "not an expert. You don't," a wince, and a correction, "do know as much as I do. I am," and here, Deceit, obviously swallowed down a word before continuing, "concerned about Thomas's well being. You do," a brief cough into his fist, "have control over your own alignment."

Deceit hesitated, "That being said..."

"The mindscape is... fluid, and it does (cough) conform to the will of the majority. It would (ahem) be wise to speak with Patton at your earliest convenience so that any misunderstandings are..." and here, Deceit gestured vaguely, indicating a clearing of the air.

Logan nodded, a small smile on his face. "Thank you, Deceit. I know how hard it is for you to do that, and I appreciate you telling the truth."

He glanced at his wounds. "The reason I was extremely concerned is the fact that I cannot seem to vanish away my injuries, but that may be in part to my mindset not being strictly to one side at the moment. You must be in full concentration to be able to do so, and I think that all this talk of me turning has completely disheveled my inner workings." He frowned. "This brings up the troubling question as to what effect this is going to have on Thomas."

He spun to Remus, causing his boyfriend to detach his teeth gently. He stroked Remus' cheek. "I must go and talk to the others at once." He bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut, then Remus watched as a dark blue t-shirt appeared on him. When Logan opened his eyes he stumbled, putting a hand to his head. Remus barely caught him as Logan let out a worried sigh. "Yes, something is definitely wrong." He walked to pull on his shoes, tying them messily as his head was still pounding, then he stood and walked to the door, meeting Deceit's eyes.

"Alright. Let us go talk to the others."

Deceit glanced at Remus, "Perhaps, it would not be better if you stayed here."

Remus bristled, "Like HELL I'm staying behind! Roman tried to shish-kabob Lo the last time he saw him! Besides, he can barely stand on his own!"

Deceit sighed, "I assure you I would not do everything in my power to keep Logic intact. But you are welcome among the light sides, and you would never cause a sensitive conversation to get out of hand."

Remus glared at Deceit, but then glanced at Logan to see what his boyfriend thought.

Logan hesitated, then he sighed. "Re, I think Deceit is right. I don’t know what Patton or Virgil would do to you, but I'm well aware that Roman would gladly kill you. So please," he rubbed his boyfriend's cheek. "Just stay here, love. I'll be fine."

His eyes were slightly uncertain, a hint of fear encased in them, but he took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he sank out with Deceit.

Remus stared at the spot on the floor where Logan had sunk down. He... he knew it was probably for the best, but it still hurt, and he still Did Not Like letting Logan go without him. Anger and fear churned in his belly, and he swiveled on his heel, snatched the morningstar off the wall, and headed out a back door of his room into the depths of the subconscious imagination. He was itching to get a little bloody, and fighting some of the monsters that lurked down there would hopefully do the trick.

Deceit and Logan rose up in the common area, to the others’ surprise.

"You did it." Virgil said, his tone disbelieving.

"Did you have any doubts?" Deceit smirked.

Virgil scoffed. "Always," he grinned.

Patton hesitantly approached Logan, "Your shirt..." he murmured, then looked into Logan's face, eyeing the bruises with concern, "Roman said you were hurt???"

Logan crossed his arms. "I believe you should rephrase that statement to 'Roman hurt me', then you will have an accurate handle on the occurrences." He stated blandly, shooting a dirty look to the Prince who sat on the couch. He then turned back to Patton. "And yes, I am wearing a different shirt one, because my other one was completely blood-soaked," he again glared at Roman. "And two...this was all I had the strength to conjure."

"Can I..." Patton said, gently laying his palm on Logan's chest, "I think I can try to..." he closed his eyes and focused his energy on healing Logan's wounds.

Logan flinched, shoving Patton’s hand away with a small cry. "GAH! That hurt! Why did that hurt?!”

Patton looked horrified, looking between Logan to his hand and back again. "It's not supposed to hurt!" Patton echoed with a cry. "Why..." he searched the faces of the others, confused and worried.

"The plot thickens..." Virgil muttered, drawing his hood up over his head and scrunching down into his hoodie.

Logan swept his eyes around the others in fear, his normally strong composure beginning to break down.

"Guys, I don’t know what's going on, okay? All I know is that I can’t heal myself, and if I try to use too much energy I almost pass out. I just..." he shook his head.

He left out the part where his head had been pounding and he couldn't really distinguish which of the Sides was which at the moment, but he knew that soon they would notice.

They all knew something was wrong with him. But they just didn't know what. And what scared Logan the most was that he had no idea what it was either, and there was no logic in anything that was happening.

He wasn’t him.

Deceit would have left, but he'd given a promise to Remus that he'd keep an eye on the geek, so he forced himself to stay. Logan wasn't looking so good and was likely to start swaying on his feet at any moment. With a sigh, Deceit caught Logan's elbow and lead him over to the couch, sitting him down in the edge seat as far away from Roman as possible, before plopping down on the couch next to him. He manifested a glass of water and offered it to Logan, subtly slipping some painkillers into his hand in the process - all the tension in the room was starting to give Deceit a stress headache, and he could only imagine what it was doing to Logan.

Logan gladly took the offers from Deceit, taking a painkiller with a sip of water before setting the cup down with a shaky breath. He held a hand to his head, blinking hard as he tried to keep his eyes from blurring even more. The others all looked at him with worry until Logan finally shook his head.

"De-Deceit, can you...can you explain why...why this might be happening? As you told me ear-earlier?..." he struggled to get his words out, trying incredibly hard to keep a tight grasp on consciousness. He had no idea what was happening to him, but it seemed to be speeding up.

He met the hesitant eyes of the snake man, but his own pleading look got Deceit to cave.

Oh yeah. Deceit was so glad he'd decided to stay. But Logan was one of the least insufferable sides Deceit had the displeasure of knowing, so he capitulated easier than he might normally have. "I am totally an expert in the matter, and I would love to explain it to everyone." Deceit snarked, and then took a deep breath, "The mindscape never changes, and every side always stays the same. Thomas's needs never change, and so every side is never at risk of losing or gaining various abilities depending on the needs of the host."

Deceit glared at Roman and Patton, "General consensus of the more powerful sides never plays a part either because the mindscape doesn't conform itself to their subconscious will. Anyone shunned by Thomas's preferred sides won't find themselves... compelled towards the dark sides."

"Wait, this is my fault???" Roman exclaimed, "I can't get mad that Logan's getting freaky with my brother, because my anger is sending him to the dark side???"

"This is only your fault," Deceit said to Roman, but his gaze was fixed on Patton.

Patton looked around with wide eyes, then he pointed to himself. "W-wait, you're saying that I'm also a reason Logan is like this?!" He said with immense concern.

Logan lifted his head with great effort, taking a deep breath. "Yes, Patton. Th-that is what he is s-saying..."

God, thirty more seconds and Logan would be on the ground. The room was reeling for him, his eyelids feeling like they were made of lead. He barely glanced to the side to see Virgil staring at him, the Anxious Side seeming very concerned.

"Lo? You okay?" He asked quietly, but Logan shook his head, a shaky breath escaping his mouth before he collapsed from the couch to the floor, the frantic shouts disappearing as he blacked out.

Roman leaped forward to try to help the others pick up Logan from the floor, but Deceit blocked his path, hissing until Roman backed off. Patton was freaking out, afraid to touch Logan in case he hurt him again.

Deceit allowed Virgil to help him pick up Logan, glaring at the others if they got too close. "He should be in his room." Deceit murmured so only Virgil could hear, his own complicated thoughts the only reason he was able to speak without an obvious lie. Was Logan's room really the best place for him? Would Remus' be better? Deceit would rather keep Remus at a distance until Logan had recovered a bit - the confrontation with the light sides had not gone as well as he'd hoped, and the chaotic side was likely to go feral in retaliation once he found out.

"Yeah, Lo's room would be the best." Virgil agreed, and Deceit took comfort in Virgil's opinion. "We'll take care of him for now, you guys," Virgil said to Patton and Roman, "and we'll reconvene later when Logan's feeling better."

Once Virgil and Deceit had brought Logan to his room, they laid him down on his dark navy blue comforter, resting his head on the single grey pillow. Lo's room was very simple as he tried not to clutter it up; it distracted him from getting work done.

Virgil sat down on the edge of the bed, then looked up at Deceit as he placed his hand on Logan's arm.

"What's happening to him, Dee? Things have just been getting worse and worse and..." he took a few deep breaths, calming himself down so as not to have a panic attack. "What do we do?"

Deceit grabbed the desk chair, wheeling it over so he could sit by the side of the bed. "I don't know," he admitted sadly. Not exactly a lie - he had some suspicions, but he was flying as blind as the rest of them. He looked at Virgil. "You... what was it like? When you transitioned?"

Virgil sat straight up, then met Deceit's eyes. "Nothing like this, I can assure you that. It..." He took a deep breath. "It was more of a warm and fuzzy feeling, like when you come in from the winter and you get to wrap yourself in a cuddly blanket." He smirked a bit. "I know that sounds super cliche, but that's just how it felt. But..."

He looked down at one of his best friends. "Lo really seems to be in pain. Do you think his primary functions are short-circuiting or something? And who's to say what'll happen to Thomas because of this?!" His anxiety really started to kick in, then he sighed. "Is Lo gonna become a Dark Side?"

Both Deceit and Virgil turned their gaze to the man laying on the bed beside them

Logan's skin was starting to glisten with sweat, his breath short and ragged. Never had the Logical side looked so weak.

Deceit shrugged. It was easier to talk to Virgil, easier to say what he wanted to say when he wasn't sure himself what the truth was. "I... think it's up to Logan to decide. There are... many factors, but..." Deceit sighed, and shrugged again. "Thomas controls us, we don't control the host unless he allows it. Logan changing... is an effect of something already happening to Thomas, not the other way around."

"Maybe we should... check on Thomas? See if he's doing something to cause this?" Virgil suggested reluctantly but didn't make a move to sink out. Neither side wanted to leave Logan when his health seemed so precarious.

Deceit manifested a damp washcloth and began to wipe down Logan's face.

Logan moaned quietly, flinching at the touch of the cloth. The other two caught each other's eyes, then a sound behind them made their eyes go wide.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM?!" Remus shrieked, running to his boyfriend's side. Shaking his head as he stroked Logan's cheek gently, he turned to face Virgil.

"WHAT. HAPPENED."

"NOTHING!" Virgil hissed defensively, instinctively cowering away from Remus's wrath. "Pat tried to heal him, but something went wrong, and he's just been getting worse. We don't know what's going on either."

A dangerous, deadly calm settled over Remus's face. "Patton did this?"

Virgil glared at him, "NOT what I said. Calm the fuck down, dude, you're not helping."

"I CAN'T CALM THE FUCK DOWN!" Remus shrieked, causing Deceit and Virgil to wince.

Another small groan came from the bed, and Remus spun to take Logan's hand in his own. "Lo?..." he said quietly, then all three of the men grew wide eyes as Logan slowly opened his eyes, a small smile growing on his face as he met the gaze he loved so dearly.

"Remus..." he murmured, and Remus nodded silently. He scooted closer, leaning down to kiss Logan's forehead, then he turned to Deceit and Virgil.

"You two should go and see what's up with Thomas. I'll say with Lo." He said, and after a short exchange of glances, Deceit and Virgil sank out. He turned his attention back to Logan, who held his arms out as if begging for Remus to lay with him.

Remus couldn't deny his love anything, even when he wasn't lying half-dead and delirious with fever. Remus quickly removed his shirt and gently laid down next to Logan - he knew body heat was supposed to be important for hypothermia, so it stood to reason that it might also help regulate a fever. At least, Remus hoped so - besides, he rarely needed an excuse to start taking off his clothes.

Remus sighed happily, encircled by Logan's arms and hugging him back. He was still lowkey worried, but at least Logan was still responsive.

Logan leaned into his boyfriend's hold, taking a deep breath. "Remus, I think I know what's going on." He said with a slight shake to his voice. After an intrigued look crossed Remus' face, Logan continued.

"I believe that I am becoming what is called a 'neutral side'. I had only ever theorized the possibility of it actually happening, but now that I consider it, this seems to make sense."

"If anyone could become Neutral, it'd be Logic," Remus smiled, then considered, "...though, is that still what you are?" His eyes widened and he rushed to correct himself, "Not that I'd love you any less if you changed! Obviously not! You could turn into a bat and I wouldn't love you any less! Probably more! I love bats! They have funky black wings! And you would look cool as a bat! But if you aren't a bat that's cool too! I just..." Remus wound down from his excited babble, "I just want you to be happy."

Logan chuckled, nuzzling closer to his boyfriend. "I am still Logic, Re, but I believe that I will now also be controlling Anger and Fury." He took a deep breath. "In all honesty, I knew that there was something more to me. I've known for years. I just didn’t know what it was. But now I can see that the feeling that was building up inside of me was exactly that. Anger."

He took a deep breath, then a smile crossed his face. "I must say, that now that I am aware of what it is and that both of my aspects are clear, I have a new clarity in my head that I've never had before."

"So I was right!" Remus chirped happily and poked Logan in the chest. "That calm of yours was hiding a storm."

Logan bit his lip, then sat up, finding that he had much more strength than before. "No use in delaying the inevitable."

When Logan sat up, Remus feigned disappointment at being dislodged from his comfy spot. "There's lots of use in delaying the inevitable," he whined. "The last time you left a bed didn't go so well. What do you think's gonna happen this time?"

Logan sighed again, closing his eyes. "What happened last time only happened due to the fact that I wasn’t complete. But now...."

Taking a deep breath, he stood up and closed his eyes, lifting his head. As Remus watched, his boyfriend began to change. His blue shirt turned to his black button-up, but a sharper version. His jeans turned black, his shoes turning to all black Vans. His hair turned darker, shorter, and a bit spiky, then a dragon earring appeared to wrap around his right ear while a black cuff stuck on the other, star-shaped charms dangling from the cuff.

Logan let out a long breath, then turned to face Remus wholly, whose eyes had gone completely wide. Logan's tie was now all black paisley, and his logo was no longer just his brain, but had a hazard sign behind it.

Logan ran a hand through his hair before opening his eyes, a grin on his face. "Now I'm complete."

Remus stared, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, at the new version of his boyfriend. "Fuck me..." he breathed, intending it in every possible meaning of the phrase.

Logan crouched down and stroked Remus' cheek. "Maybe later, love. For now, we should inform the others."

Remus leaped out of bed and pounced on Logan, pinning him to the nearest wall. "Definitely later," he demanded, capturing Logan's mouth in a hot and brutal kiss that left them both breathless. Remus panted, trying to catch his breath, "We? You want me to come with this time?"

Logan smirked, a new look that completely captivated his boyfriend. "Of course. But promise me that you won't try to kill anyone." He leaned forward. "If you behave, then we can get naughty later tonight." He bit the edge of Remus' ear, kissing his neck afterward.

"How does that sound?" He whispered.

Remus whimpered shamelessly - after a lifetime of being touch-starved, every kiss and nibble Logan bestowed was driving him wild. "I would kill for you," he said, his voice dead serious for likely the first time in his life. "Not killing... will be harder... but I'll do it. For you. I'll do anything for you."

Logan met his eyes sweetly. "Good. Then let's go." He kissed Remus' cheek before taking his hand and sinking out.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #remus sanders #intrulogical #roman sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #thomas sanders #issues #pain #love #gay #mystery #upgrade

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got7-texts · 7 years ago

Text

Circus - Yugyeom (98/100)

You can find my post explaining the 100 Day Drabble Challenge here

To view the masterlist of drabbles for the challenge, click here

Prompt: Circus Member: Yugyeom x Reader AU: Circus!AU

Word Count: 1,997,

You hummed lightly as you hung up your clothes on the clothesline, taking care to straighten out your costume so as to not have any wrinkles in it the next day. You were so engrossed in the activity that you barely heard someone come up behind you.

“Y/N, there you are.” You turned around and gave a small smile to your boss.

“Hey Jaebum. Did you need something?” you asked the ringleader, glancing back at him before turning back to your clothes and continuing to hang them.

“Just wanted to give you this,” he said, handing you an envelope which you immediately recognized as your weekly pay. You gave him another smile and nodded.

“Thanks, boss,” you said, jovially. Jaebum tipped his hat to you and then began to walk away but stopped and then turned back to say, “Oh, and if you want some more target practice, the newbie is officially part of the crew so knock yourself out.”

You let out a small chuckled and hushed him, smiling widely. Once you finished with your chores, you walked back over to the main tent to see how everyone else was using their day off. Entering the common area, you saw Jinyoung and Jackson sitting next to each other eating a late lunch.

“Hey guys,” you said, walking over and leaning down to give them both side hugs.

“Hey, Y/N. How’s it going?” Jinyoung asked. You leaned against the table and shrugged. Jinyoung was Jaebum’s right hand man and although he didn’t have a specific act in the circus, he was the genius behind the scenes.

“You know…it goes,” you said, stealing a bit of bread from Jackson’s plate as he smacked your hand playfully.

“Go play with your knives, we’re busy,” Jackson said, sticking his tongue out at you. You raised your eyebrows and looked at Jinyoung with curiousity.

“Oh? Something new? Jackson, are you changing the strongman act?” you asked, taking a seat next to Jinyoung. Jinyoung shook his head.

“No, we have a few newbies. We’re thinking about adding a new act completely,” Jinyoung explained. You hummed in agreement and glanced around.

“So where are they?” you asked. “I wanna meet them,” you stated, excitedly. Jackson chuckled at nodded towards the exit.

“I think Jaebum has them cleaning out the animal cages,” he snickered. You bit back a smile and then stood up.

“Alright, let me go help them,” you said, snagging one more piece of bread. “God knows they won’t have any sympathy from either of you,” you added as Jackson laughed and shook his head while Jinyoung simply smiled lightly and shrugged.

You exited the common area and walked across the fairgrounds, nodding at the groundskeepers, your fellow circus folk, and the other people that scattered the circus area. You had been with the circus for just about five years and you were always seeing people come and go.

You had been a young pick-pocketer on the street and it was actually Jackson that caught you and brought you to the circus. At first you had refused, but after a while, you realized that the circus was like a small tight-knit community. Everyone was different, but everyone loved and respected each other.

At first you were stuck on cleaning duty, making sure the grounds were spotless, cleaning the dishes, washing the clothes, and other mundane activities. But you wanted to play a bigger role in the circus, and so you began to shadow many of the acts.

The lion taming was a bit too much for you. Trapezing was also way far out of your league and there was no way that you would be able to showcase any other personal talent.

It wasn’t until you met the old knife thrower that you found something you enjoyed doing and could potentially be good at. Her name was Dolores and she was just about the most strict, rude, and potentially life-threatening person you had ever met. But she was also one of the best knife throwers around.

After a few years of watching her and practicing, you had honed your skills to the point where you too, were a fairly accurate knife thrower. Of course, you were nowhere near as good as Dolores, but that type of skill would only be gained with age.

And so, seeing your skills and wanting to retire to a beach house far away, Dolores took her leave, naming you the knife thrower to be in charge of the act.

Now, as you walked over to the animal cages, you reminisced about the times when you were still new to the circus. You pulled away the door and walked inside, looking around at the monkeys and horses.

“Yugyeom, get up and help me! Look, even BamBam is helping!” you heard a voice call out. You walked over toward the voices and saw three boys about your age. One was sweeping the floor while another was pouring more hay into the horse’s stables. The third boy was leaning against the wall, watching the other two with a small innocent smile on his face.

“Sorry Youngjae, cleaning is your job,” the boy who you now knew as Yugyeom said laughed, teasing the boy that was pouring the hay who was supposedly Youngjae

“You suck,” the last boy, who you assumed was BamBam, said with bitterness. You walked up and the three of them turned their attention to you.

“Hey there,” you said, sticking out your hand to Youngjae who was the closest to you. “I’m Y/n,” you added, leaning up against the tiger cage casually.

“I’m Youngjae,” the boy said, shaking your hand. “That’s BamBam and that’s Yugyeom,” he added, pointing to the other two. BamBam nodded and you and Yugyeom gave a small wave.

“Are you new too?” BamBam asked, forgetting his work to speak with you instead. You laughed lightly as the tiger, Sheila, sauntered over to you.

“Not really,” you said, sticking your hand into the cage and letting her sniff it. You glanced at the boys and bit back a laugh as you looked at their horror ridden faces. Sheila, however, simply licked your hand and nuzzled up against the side of the cage.

“Okay, that’s terrifying,” Youngjae said, taking a step back and going back to shoveling hay into the horse’s cage. You let out a small laugh and shook your head.

“She’s harmless, don’t worry,” you said, petting her head and pulling your hand away to walk over to the other two. “So are you guys off the street? Or from another circus?” you asked, curiously.

“Youngjae and I got picked up by Jaebum,” BamBam said. “Yugyeom…not so much,” he added, pointing to the other boy.

You turned your attention to Yugyeom and realized that he was much taller than you had originally thought. He had dark hair that fell into his dark eyes and high cheekbones – all of which made him seem more mysterious.

“He’s exaggerating,” Yugyeom said with a small smile. “But yea, I came from another circus. I was working in a different city but the circus got disbanded. Apparently, our boss knew yours so I got recruited,” he explained. His voice was a bit higher than you had expected but it was pleasing to hear – almost like bells.

“Really? What was your act?” you asked, inquisitively. Yugyeom gave a nervous smile and rubbed the back of his neck.

“I was just a fire-breather,” he said. BamBam scoffed as he brushed away the hay from the ground and rolled his eyes.

“Yea…just a fire breather. No big deal,” BamBam said sarcastically. “Meanwhile, we’re over hear doing the grunt work,” he added, sadly.

“Don’t worry, everyone starts with the grunt work. You’ll move up…eventually…” you said, giving him a small encouraging smile.

“What about you? What do you do here?” Yugyeom asked, crossing his arms.

“Knife thrower,” you said with a nod of your head. “So if you guys get tired of working with the animals, I may need someone to target practice at,” you mentioned.

“At?” Youngjae exclaimed, his eyes going a bit wide. You immediately shook your hands in denial.

“No, no! I meant…with!” you hurriedly said, trying to alleviate his fears. Unfortunately, he was right. “Anyways, I just wanted to introduce myself. I should get back to the main tent, but I’ll see you guys later okay?” you said, motioning to Youngjae and BamBam. “See you at practice,” you added to Yugyeom before taking your leave.

“So, this is the fire bender?” Jackson asked, sitting next to you on the bench as you watched Yugyeom practice in front of you.

“You mean fire breather?” you asked, chuckling slightly.

The big top was loud, preparing for the next big show. You had gotten up early to practice your knife throwing and now you were taking a break and watching the others. The bearded lady seemed to be working on her performance while the ventriloquist was working on his. The contortionist was off to the side while the trapeze artists where flying through the air, trying out new tricks while occasionally falling onto the nets below.

Yugyeom was off to the side, twirling two sticks in his hands and doing an intricate dance, but he had not yet lit his sticks. You watched him closely. You had never had a fire dancer or eater or breather at your circus and you were very interested in what Yugyeom had in store. He was quite young but, as you knew, age didn’t really matter when it came to skill.

“You’re drooling a little,” Jackson said, touching the side of your mouth that was slightly open but you immediately flinched and swatted his hands away. Jackson chuckled and you rolled your eyes.

“Shouldn’t you be over there lifting something?” you asked, jokingly. Jackson laughed again and then nodded.

“Yea, you’re probably right,” he said hastily as he nodded over to the entrance and then scuttled away. You followed his gaze to see Jaebum walking into the tent and you quickly scampered back to the target area as well.

Every now and then, you would look back at Yugyeom in anticipation for him lighting his sticks, but he never did. Eventually, he took a break and sat down on the ground, drinking water. You took your opportunity and set down your knives, walking over to him.

“Hey there,” you said, standing in front of him and waving lightly.

“Oh, hey Y/N,” he said, happily, patting the ground next to him. You took his invitation and sat down, drinking deeply from your water bottle. “It’s kind of amazing, isn’t it?” he said, looking around at all the acts. “I can’t believe you guys have a tiger. And a lion!” he exclaimed. You looked over to Mark who was petting Sheila and kissing her head and you chuckled.

“Yea, we’re kind of the best circus ever,” you said, genuinely. Yugyeom nodded. “But to be honest, I’m excited to see your fire dancing. I’ve never seen anyone work with fire before,” you said, motioning to his sticks.

“It’s not really that exciting, just really…hot,” he said, casually.

“Really?” you asked. You raised an eyebrow at him and when he looked at you he immediately turned pink and shook his head.

“Wait, no, not like that. I mean it’s actually>/i> hot. Like sometimes I’ll accidentally burn myself or something,” he quickly said, mumbling lightly. You gave a light laugh and nudged him gently with your shoulder.

“Well, either way, I’m excited to see it,” you said. “Any way I could get a sneak peek?” you asked, smirking lightly. Yugyeom locked eyes with you once more and then slowly nodded.

“Yea…I think so,” he stuttered, slightly surprised. You stood up and brushed yourself off and grinned down at him.

“Great! Meet me here tonight at midnight. I want to see what you can do,” you said, smirking once more and then walking back to the practice range feeling victorious.

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lebratprincess · 7 years ago

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14 25 41 80 92 93 and 98 on the person questions list. 😁

@maggiemitchellclark | xo

14. What are 3 things you want to do before the month ends?

Dogsit again before Easter comes around, or even during, because I’d like to buy some little egg toys for Sammi to play with and I’ve never broken the tradition of hiding easter eggs around the house to find, so she can help me hunting those down, too. It would be fun to hide her easter toys and see if she can find those, too.

Try to cook and keep down an actual meal, not just snacky foods that I also am struggling with as of late. I have no idea what’s up, but my appetite has just kind of gone out the window and though I feel hungry here and there, I’m just not keeping anything down, but when I’m not vomitting it back up, I’m just feeling nauseated by food.

Buy some new clothes, because I haven’t bought anything new in well over two years and now, with not eating properly for well over five or six months, half my stuff doesn’t really fit anymore. I also want new clothing cause I’d like to own a lot of white stuff, ‘cause it’s good for a number of things, all spiritual; all progressive.

25. List 3 activities that you can only enjoy by yourself.

I want to say a museum, specifically a natural history museum i.e. the one I used to frequent in Liverpool, ‘cause yes it is nice to just explore there alone. I think I have a preference for this because more often than not, my dad lingers on the things that don’t particularly interest me or hold my attention and I’m usually off wandering where I want to be in that sense, sometimes even a different floor because this museum has six of them. I also don’t like the noise of children running about from a to b very chaotically.

I also want to say walking, out hiking in nature and often more secluded areas, because when I’m walking or I am out in the natural world, I get so involved in my thoughts I’m liable to have an accident if I’m trying to focus on that, as well as the person walking with me or whatever they might be saying. I get very lost in that state of feeling all content and comforted by what’s around me, that I can’t fully concentrate on anything else, so I think this one can be best enjoyed on your own, although the company is nice sometimes, if there is mutual silence.

I’m not much of a shopper, be it food or clothes, but either way for me it’s best to do alone, because I’m aware of how much trouble I cause by being so indecisive and how long I take to actually shop for the stuff I want. If I’m in a store browsing through the clothes, I’ll see something I like, but I’ll have to go through every other store around, first, then come back to it if I didn’t find anything better than that and it winds everyone up.

41. List 3 wishes.

For everything to go smoothly over the next few months in the run-up to my flying out to another country so I can finally make a home with someone I’ve been wanting to make a home with for 14+ years. It’s kind of surreal really just knowing it’s been that long and that, through everything, it’s all worked out and it’s happening and it’s more or less fail proof now. I’m so excited for this and it’s the only thing lifting my spirits lately, with everything else that is going on left and right and all the struggles that have just kinda thrown themselves into the mix.

To build upon and improve my capability of more vivid dreaming, because it’s much more realistic than our waking lives and though that’s sometimes difficult to get through to yourself, ‘cause it’s a process of progress, it can and does eventually become more apparent. Lately, over the last week or two ( don’t want to expand on that ‘cause that would make it faux ), my dreams have been so very real to the point where I don’t realise I’m dreaming and it is different purely because I’m always aware that I’m dreaming, there’s always that lack of realness in them, but as of late, it’s been a complete flip on that and my last dream, I thought it was actually happening and I woke up in continuation of the dream, as though I was just going along with what had just happened. I think it’s lovely and I’m always like pushing myself to get even better with that. There’s some astral audio clips I have that help a lot.

To be able to write again the way that I used to. I don’t mean that to say I cannot write at all, I simply mean that I’m no longer in love with writing or really enjoying it as I did once before. I seem to have lost a lot of the passion for it and by God, I don’t ever want to try and force myself to do it, if I really am not having fun doing it. I don’t think it should be something that you have to make yourself do, not if it’s something you consider a hobby. And I do, I am also realising that the plans I once had for turning it into a career are hopeless, but not in a negative sense. I don’t want to sound as though I’m giving up that dream, because I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that I just do not have that anymore. I don’t want to write that way. I just want to try and get back into writing so I can enjoy the freedom of it and the expressive nature that it has with it. I just want to be able to write again, for me.

80. Best dream?

If not the one I had just the other day that made me feel so warm all over and happy and content and in love with life and the life after this, then the one I had just over a year ago. I dreamt about Raphael. I don’t know how to go into detail without words ruining the beauty of it, so I won’t. It changed me a lot, in ways. I call on Raphael a lot in times where I feel I can’t do things on my own and over the last few years, with all of the grief and the weight of that, I’ve needed him. I’ve called on him a lot when struggling or doubting and feeling so low, I didn’t know what to actually do for myself and no one around me was capable of helping because the upset over it all ran so deep. It wasn’t difficult for me to do that, either. I often went into a meditative state and just spoke his name, several times and each time, had glimpses of emerald green. In the dream, however, there was much more than a colour and it woke me up, both figuratively and literally. It was the first dream I’d had of that nature and was the last, too, but I would love to have a similar experience, be it in a sleeping state of wakeful state.

92. Craziest thing you’ve ever done?

I’m not very exciting in that sense, I don’t think. I do dangerous stuff a lot but never intentionally. I am also stupid in a lot of ways, which can end up being hilarious. I think the things I’ve done are mild and not worth telling. I filled a bathroom with water once because I fell asleep with the water running. I also stick forks and knives in toasters, but this seems more a myth than anything even remotely dangerous. I’ve also left food in the oven well over the length of time it should have been and burned it till it was charcoal. I think the most dangerous thing, if it can even be considered crazy ( maybe in a different way than this question actually means ), would be just last week, I’d been fighting to turn the stove on and it wouldn’t light so I just walked out of the kitchen in a huff and came back to it over an hour later and the kitchen stunk of gas ‘cause I hadn’t turned the dial back.

93. First three songs in your favorite playlist?

The Living Years / Thinking Out Loud / Any Dream Will Do —— this is my Emlyn playlist. I don’t know if it’s actually my favourite, but it’s currently the only one I have on itunes as far as playlists go, ‘cause I deleted the others.

98. When you imagine yourself as really, really relaxed and happy, what are you doing?

I often times like to imagine myself in Fantasia, Care-a-Lot, or Rainbow Land and all three can switch around, but it depends on my mood that day or night, or a particular time of day or night. When I’m wanting to de-stress, I will give thought to any of these fantasy lands and I’ll imagine myself there and all my favourite characters and places and such will come into view and I can relax and come down from whatever ails me in that moment. I think I might have the strongest preference for Fantasia because it’s above and beyond everything, to me. A world of human fantasy; there’s no limit to anything that you want there and I usually act on that when I visit, too. If I’m feeling low in a way that nothing like that can help, I’ll go to Care-a-Lot. Me = still a child at heart.

#maggiemitchellclark #|| asks #|| sally

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