#also don't spoil anything for me abt if i'm right or wrong

[yiling-gaytriarch]

i stopped playing veilguard for a hot second (mostly bc i get sucked in for hours and usually do not have hours to give to any game) but now i'm going through the regrets and.... holy shit

if titans and elves fought bc the elves used lyrium to give themselves physical form, then is it so that dwarves can't use magic bc they would have to have a connection to the fade? either they're being blocked by the elves or blocked by the titans who don't want them to be even remotely similar to the elves (or both). if it's the veil, then it makes sense that valta and harding are suddenly able to use magic bc they veil has been weakened/destroyed over the past two games and now it's much easier to access - or if it's the titans then the titans have adapted to allow dwarves to use magic through them

i'm going insane

[formula-ghost]

leaving my thoughts/opinions abt wildflower in your inbox cause tumblr hasn't let me comment on anything. (i'm gonna talk as if reader is a another character lol)

ps this is no hate to your writing or anything. it's basically just me commenting on their actions as if it was a tv show or smth.

in my very personal non biased oscar opinion, the reader is exaggerating. oscar may have lied but he didn't manipulate her and it was very obvious to her that he was hurting. they slept together out of both their consent and reader is putting the entire blame on him as if she didn't play a heavy heavy part. especially considering that lily was the one who broke up w oscar, reader made it seem like it was all his fault. lily was partially controlling imo and she wouldn't openly communicate with oscar until something got a little out of hand. she literally accused him of cheating like???? "Or maybe you were so used to Oscar’s lying and manipulation that you couldn’t imagine someone talking to you just for the sake of friendship." this pissed me off sm like why is reader so annoying (don't hate me lol) and then the whole her saying she wasn't good enough for oscar like yk damn well that's not what he meant lol. personally they both were in the wrong but the reader hates personal confrontation and put the ENTIRE thing on him like girl wtf.

anyways girl you ate so hard with this fic truly idk who to suport and be like omg you're so nice like every single person is sm in the wrong like help they need to really breathe and understand eachother but yeah i love this fic and your work and i love youuu. mwuah

I am so glad you sent this because I feel like you 100% got at what I was trying to do!

My whole goal with this fic was to create a story in which each character is simultaneously innocent and guilty. So yeah Oscar is not the best boyfriend to Lily but he doesn’t cheat and yes he does sort of use reader but also reader sort of uses him back. Lily is a horrible communicator but also has been third wheeled in her relationship for so long. Reader kind of has been the backup girl but she has also allowed it to happen and used Oscar in her own way.

I wanted to make this fic as realistic as possible in that way—just showing the complicated messiness of these situations as they happen in real life, rather than just leaning into the “good guy bad guy” trope by making Oscar/Lily awful while Lando/reader are perfect. I feel like that’s the undercurrent of the song Wildflower itself, too: the speaker/Billie is crushed by the weight of what she’s done but also grappling with asking what was so wrong about it in the first place.

Also you’re 100% right about the reader being another character. I used to do x OC fics when I was younger but people don’t like those as much as x readers, but it’s nearly impossible for me to actually write a blank slate reader :/ so they’re basically OCs with no name/face

Unfortunately, if you’re annoyed with reader, it may get worse before it gets better. Not to spoil anything but Lando is being a bit sus, and who’s the real manipulator here?

I want to put it out there too that I’m not offended at all if people don’t like one of my stories or characters and I welcome constructive criticism and feedback! I’ve been a writer for nearly 10 years now (there’s so much lore) so I have thick skin. Obviously be respectful (if you just send something that says “your story sucks kys” I will just delete it) but I welcome all discussion and opinions on my work.

But anyway I am so glad that you’re liking it tho! I lowkey feel like the chapter is flopping but it’s probably because I didn’t post at peak times (at least that’s what I’m telling myself so I don’t get sad lol) or it’s just my insecurities being mean. I can’t wait to keep writing it!

[formalmess]

i'm curious now. what is the darkest fic you have written

hmm.... well, only issue there is that i've compiled a list of 22+ fics i've written that could compete for the title, so i can't tell you one for certain. and of course, that answer might change depending on what element of darkness/horror scares you the most.

(INCOMING: long musings and thoughts abt darkness and horror in fics below, plus references and direct dialogue from GRAPHIC, unhappy, angsty stories. if reading about mario characters in distress makes you sad, please don't read. please, oh please, proceed with caution if you keep reading...)

i think something about horror that is so interesting is how differently some people approach it.

does gore squick you out the most? how about manipulation? psychological torment? jumpscares? horrifying implications? betrayal? alien lifeforms? body horror? there are so many facets to horror, and something one person might find fascinating, another might find appalling, and vice versa.

it's also what i think makes horror so compelling to explore in a fictional setting: emphasizing our inherent human fears into something fantastical and horrific, something to make us squirm in our seats.

for example, in everyday life, we might feel betrayed if a friend talks behind our back, but what happens if we amplify those feelings tenfold? as such, i've written a sum of stories that primarily center around manipulation, psychological torment, and the aftermath of betrayal. for me, i've always found those stories the scariest, whether in my writing or in popular media.

"How could you let this happen?" Luigi's words came first upon the realization, screaming as though someone else were in control of his voice. Hot tears streamed down his face, the anguished man wailing and sobbing, feeling nothing but the overwhelming need to hurt someone: to somehow find a way to make someone pay and avenge the mistake that had been made. "ANSWER ME!" --2020

You tried to block it all out. It would be over soon, it would be over soon, so please, please stop screaming, please, please, please, you didn’t want to do this-! --2020

there's also horrifying implications. i love to mess around with universes and worlds where things are uncanny, or plain wrong. perhaps a rift in the universe has left everything out of sorts?

or, more specifically, someone has been trying to create clones of you after murdering you in an act of desperate passion, but they keep falling and all of the clones resent their misguided creator... hahaaa..

He wanted to make another right then and there, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He wanted to tear his hands off and banish his dreaded ability of creation. He wished he couldn’t do this anymore. He sat there, alone, drowning in guilt as he sobbed loudly. Any bastardized copy wouldn’t suffice, no matter what he tried.

He jumped a bit, nearly slipping on the mystery residue at his feet. As soon as his vision got adjusted with the darkness, he fought the urge to scream in terror. If it weren’t for the fact that the other person across from him were upside down, and that their jaw was lopsided from their face, he would have sworn he was looking into a mirror. He was gazing right into a pair of dead, soulless eyes. And they were his own. --2020 [same fic as above]

manipulation? torment? why not.

"Now… you don't want your dearest brother to get hurt, now do you? You wouldn't do anything at all to jeopardize his safety." A smile. "Isn't that right, Mario?" --2021

and, based on people's impressions to FYE, at least, angst always lends itself well to horror, doesn't it? regret? grief? people being scared and sad together? it's a most deadly combination.

He damned the jester as he sat alone in the claustrophobic space with only Peasley’s rotting corpse as his company, wishing for death as the stench of spoiling fibrous flesh filled his nose. He sniffled, beginning to sob, fidgeting ever so slightly as he thought about how if he had only been stronger, only been quicker, this could have been different. They could have escaped the clutch of the void's songbird call. And he could have saved his beloved husband's life. --2021

and of course... gore. gore is pretty self-explanatory.

With a final sickening crunch and tear, the prince's neck was sliced clean off his shoulders, rolling away from the rest of his body with an unceremonious thud. --2018

With his caught in between the descending platform and the ground, there was no stopping what came next. With a sickening crunch, it pressed down, hard. It pulverized his arm beyond dust: gore and blood pooling from the spot as he screamed in anguish. Shock made him go numb. His vision was hazy. --2020

'starland', which is on my ao3, was actually going to be far more gorey than fye. but, alas, i lost the muse for that one. maybe someday, it will be continued...

and there's been many other generally dark stories as well. to provide just an inkling of context, i've written many before and after fye about dimentio being a general awful person to luigi and others, killing and torture abound. i've written a lot about super dimentio too! they're a really fun fusion to analyze. side fun fact: if you've read 'love like you' on my ao3, i have written a 'bad end' version of that... for full angst potential, you know.

i've also written plenty other "horror movie" versions of the mario franchise too. if you see fye as the "saw" of the mario universe, then i have others for various different franchises. i also have one piranha plant gijinka i made in 2018 who is an actual menace to society. whatever page he graces, he creates a mind-bending squickfest full of viscera. i know i have made various people sick with the fics i feature him in.

but to answer your question, my personal pick for my darkest fic is one i have is called 'tender', written in late 2021 — which was a working title as some point, but now it has stuck. while not very gorey, it is very heavy on the psychological torture and torment that scares me (personally) the most. in addition, it is one i will always only keep between me and my innermost circle of trusted comrades. the reason why? well, i actually haven't really written a darkfic since then, because i thought after finishing, "i've done it. i've written the darkest fic known to man" and thought there was no way i could possibly outdo myself. and since then, i have not been able to! makes my tummy twist just thinking about it. true horror there, that one.

context for these dialogue pieces? context for the fics i've alluded to? no....... you will simply have to draw your own conclusions... mwahahahah!!!!!!

or come and chat with me, haha! i'm always happy to talk about horror, but i like to do it outside of posting publicly since i know this is certainly not everyone's cup of tea.

well, i think that's a sufficient answer. here's to even more dark fics in the future!

[valleynix]

Idc what's in character and what's not as long as I get my rare soft Bela/Cass moments when they love each other not only from afar asdfgh

THE FACT THAT YOU WERE THINKING IF IT'S OK TO ADD THOSE KISSES FROM DANI IS TERRIFYING WHAT KIND OF FAMILY THOSE PEOPLE HAVE THAT THEY WOULD THINK OF IT AS ANYTHING BUT PLATONIC OH MY GOD

Are they supposed to stay 6ft away from each other all the time or what 😭

I think Lunatic/Reader portray nicely that monsters are made.

And I really like that Lunatic isn't the way they are just because but there's so much depth to it.

If the planned thing with Red is about them getting ripped to pieces then sure I am going to enjoy it.

And virginity may have a few interpretations.

But I don't see how any of it would actually affect the blood's taste, because there's simply no way losing it has such an impact unless there's some supernatural witchy explanation to it. (I also heard "virgin blood" is the one never used in rituals before, but again it's not sth that would logicaly explain the difference in taste)

I could see Alcina liking her victims being virgins because of her hate for men and a virgin is often interpreted as a woman who never had sex with a man. But the taste wouldn't be a main thing then.

That's why I wonder how it works in this universe.

now i'm thinking of a scenario where their roles are reversed and Bela starts being super annoying to Cass for no reason, just because it's funny to her LMAOOO

Y'ALL ALREADY KNOW HOW WEIRD MFS BE IN THIS FANDOM, I TALK ABT IT ALL THE TIME (or i used to). the sibling shippers make me want to actually vomit and it makes me afraid to show them being like physically affectionate with each other because people might take it the wrong way </3

even Miranda isn't a massive cunt just because she can be 😭 she's genuinely lost so much in TPtM's universe and has had to witness her daughter dying over and over and over, and that mixed with the influence of the megamycete is sure to make anyone go a little crazy

villains being evil just because they can be is so funny, but i like writing them having reasons for why they act the way they do </3 i don't think i could forgive Miranda for all of this, but at least Lunatic is actually showing change

(meanwhile Red is just a massive dick because they can be LMAO)

well, about that- (i don't want to spoil it but i GUARANTEE you'll like it >:3)

Cas actually messaged me about the virgin thing, and in their words:

"[...] it's about the concept of virgins and how the word can mean many things but ppl usually associate it with sex. but like it could be someone that never has done damned things that could taint their "soul" like do something cultish. so ig the Dimitrescu are tasting the purity of people's blood. and it could also mean they prefer blood that hasn't been tainted with the cadou/mold (well lady d mainly i think)

we did think that people who are "virgins" (or maidens, whichever) taste different, perhaps stronger because of the blood purity, and Cas suggested maybe like a pastry or a meat dish? something that would entice the person drinking the blood into getting more and more of it until their victim is dry

in the case of TPtM's universe, since Red is a smuggler for the Dimitrescus and brings in maidens for them, i guess it could actually be assumed they're bringing in outsiders that haven't been tainted by the mold or any other experimentation. that would explain why the girls don't become feral after drinking Reader's blood, and they wouldn't expect to since they already know they're an experiment in some capacity. with Bela being the only one that knows right now, and seeing how there aren't any other moldy experiments they could drink the blood of to know how they taste, i don't think Cass/Dani would really make the connection

basically, i guess sex doesn't really matter in this case, as the "virginity" refers more to the fact the person (specifically, woman) is "pure" and is not an experiment, rather just some human. i dunno how blood would taste to the Dimis, but i assume they have better sense for making distinctions between flavors, since they can distinguish scents, too

(if that makes sense skdjfh)

i'll probably have to look it up just to be sure how it's interpreted with usual vampires, but for the moment, we'll go with that explanation :D

[rlljayhon]

12/16/24

i do not even know how to start this because my mind is all fumbled and I feel so numb

mmm ok so we had a talk yesterday because I was very jealous that they went on a couple of dates with this guy that made me very insecure

we stopped talking right after this guy came back into their life, and I can't help but think that I was replaced with something better

it hurts too because while I am not queer, so I cant help them explore anything in that field, but basically we did not date as they said they wanted to explore their queerness

and then 3 months later they went out with the guy who I told them made me jealous/insecure

it makes me feel like they were making an excuse, but also I'm not mad they went and did that, I'm more so mad that I feel this way

their best friend also told them that they don't need a queer romantic relationship to experience queerness bc there is queer spaces and communities where they can feel comfortable and safe

i am just mad they figured it out now AFTER us, and my friend xochi when I confided in her she also said the same thing about not needing to be in a queer relationship to learn about it. I am not queer so I would never say that to this person, as it is not my place

don't get me wrong, i think all my feelings are totally valid, but it is also my fault. I made a mistake by not setting a boundary when we first stopped our "relationship" because they kind of were like ohhh, can we still call and talk all the time? like it was my mistake to say yes, I should have given myself the proper time to heal

i think my depression stems from longing for them because I have like wanted to be with this person for so so long and right when I was the closest I have ever been it all came crashing down and I feel like I was used a little bit

we also talked about how they feel like a bad friend because I am always there for them, and they arent there for me. I kind of agreed, but I thought that they were a "bad friend" because like they basically built me up and brought me down about this whole us maybe dating situation

i also did some self-reflecting. like why is it that the only thing that brings me down is relationships/love? i mean yeah sure there are other things that make me sad, but nothing gets me as down in the dumps like love

why is it so important to me? why do I love so hard? i think I need therapy, but then again so does everyone so

i still plan to be their friend, the future is just going to be tough if they do end up dating a guy, I think I will just have this baggage and uncomfortability about the situation because it will always make me feel insecure, but that is simply an obstacle I will learn to overcome when it happens

why can't someone love ME yknow

i wanna be the one who is chased for once lol

anyways yeah we are taking a little break from being friends, and I think I can get over myself about it, I just need time :3

i am also glad i had this talk with them, I felt like i was bottling up all my emotions because I was too scared to talk to them and set that boundary originally, but I am sooooo glad I did now

we are still friends and we both still want to be friends in the future (kinda unavoidable bc we are in the same org) and I think it will be so painful seeing them sometimes

like i was so sure of them for so long, and I guess it sucks that I didn't get it back even though they seemed to like me that much

idk im venting now and i just keep talking abt the same thing bc its the only thing on my mind

anywho i made a mistake and i must simply learn from it!

who knows! maybe i meet a rev gamer girl who I will learn to love more than anything else I have ever loved before

after saying that i realize i yearn for love so much bc yeah maybe golden rule yknow treat others the way you want to be treated so when I fall for someone I like spoil them and give them everything because that's what I want someone to do for me

GAH WHY DO I LOVE LOVE SO MUCH RAHHH BLARG H

mmmm i think as a friend in the future i will always have a soft spot for them, and no matter what choices they make I will be happy for them as long as these choices make them happy too :)

i am still angry and sad and depressed though

if u read this sorry u had to experience the inner workings of my mind

[formula-fun]

i was writing this ask and honestly don't remember if i sent it or not so sorry in advance 😭✋️ i disagree with the previous anon, the problem isnt people focusing on the miscarriage, i think, personally, that people just really like the universe and want to see more, and since things about this story could be spoilers, they ask the hypotheticals (the baby, the pregnancy). At least thats the way i see it. Im equally curious about charles courting max and about max slowly but surely seeing charles as a safe space to kind of get away from everything (🥰) as i am about the baby, but i imagine that would be spoilers and wouldnt ask because maybe you would find it annoying seeing as its going to be in the next chapter. I am really excited about this story, because, like you said, it is a very clear that it's about a growing relationship and your writing and analysis are so so so good. You get us on our toes and dont treat them one dimensionally, I think its very easy to write Max as headstrong and Charles as sweet but you show another side to it (like real people are lol often not one just one thing). Its good tho that you spoke up about anyways so that we know what to focus on. I am curious tho because i wouldnt want to intrude: what are the kind of things that we can send in abt this story without being too invasive? Like I saw some people talking about ivf and you said we should wait and see sooooo maybe not that? Lol 😝

Hope youre having a great day!

Hiiii!!! I'm having a study day, so thank you for giving me a reason to take a break dfjskdfksjdfkdsj I think you're absolutely right, I don't think people mean anything by it and I don't hold it against anyone! It would be nice to not ONLY get asks that are about that, but I'm not upset about it or anything!

Thank you, this is all really sweet <3 and please don't ever worry about annoying me! The only things that annoy me are people telling me what to write, asking nonstop when the update will be or critiquing my work when I didn't ask for it. Anything else is fair game! If you ask something and I don't answer because it'll be in the next chapter I'm never annoyed, I just know you'll have an answer really soon so I don't want to spoil it. It's also helpful sometimes to know what questions people have because it tells me what people are paying attention to and what I need to focus on. So never never annoying! I'm also ridiculously easy to tempt into giving spoilers, it's really sad. If i get a question and don't answer because it's a spoiler but then someone asks me the same thing a second time? I'm probably just spoiling it, because I'm horrible at keeping secrets. So dont worry about it dfjkdfjks don't worry about being invasive either. i literally can't think of a question someone could ask me about this fic that i would consider invasive

(2) Also, previous anon here, but a whole different topic, if its off limits, feel free not to answer. I really like how you capture two people loving each other and not always agreeing but always understanding if that makes any sense?? Like charles probably doesnt like jo but he keeps out of it because he knows max instead of trying to push them apart. I think most people writing a story would go "oh charles should protect max from jo and not let them see each other" but its much more complicated than that, its his father figure still and they dont only have bad moments. The same thing with charles x ferrari. I see a lot of fics where max pushes charles to go to red bull and sure, thats fun to read, but max understanding the deep attachment charles has to ferrari is much nicer. He knows its not only about a wdc, its about charles' father, jules, his relationship with the team etc. Tell me if im wrong but thats just what i observed

thanks!! you're absolutely right <3 that idea is really important to me, that you can't control the people who you love and they don't belong to you. charles knows max loves his dad on his own terms and it's not up to him to get between them, but he can offer Max somewhere soft to land if he ever decides to cut his dad off. and max really just wants to see charles succeed, so if charles' dream is to win with Ferrari then Max wants that too. (and also personally I want that gjfghjgfhjgf) they don't always understand each other's actions, but they can at least do their best to understand each other's feelings, and that's a good way to make a strong supportive relationship. We hope

thanks so much for the ask, you're really kind!! <33 hope you're doing well

[xxstrawberrybunxx]

Yippie I love talking abt myself !!!!! :} I feel that the criteria is written more for an outside perspective on npd rather than someone who actually experiences it. This makes it very difficult to get people to believe I even have npd because it is a deeply internal disorder, and for everything that could be obvious to some (like arrogance or a lack of awareness of others) there's like a million combinations of possible symptoms buried underneath.

Ok so for the inflated ego and expecting special treatment thing, I don't think it would be obvious to most ppl that I do experience this symptom because I'm very good at masking it (well I mean I am now I sure as fuck didn't used to be), but I often just kind of subconsciously expect things to happen to me just because I exist, without me doing shit to get it, and when they obviously don't happen I get really hurt and upset cuz why isn't anybody acknowledging me and my clear superiority??? I'm literally perfect I've done everything right (hasn't done anything at all). This can be in reaction to declined "special favors" or people not giving me anything I ask for, it can be the weather not being what I expected it to be, it can be me being punished for something anyone else would logically also get punished for, it can be me not winning an award I'm not guaranteed to win. I think ppl would expect this to be because I was spoiled or something as a kid but really I was kind of ignored and singled out a lot lol. Me not getting "special favors" was, from my perspective, me not even being treated like a person at all. Just a little bit of perspective I guess.

Exaggerating achievements and lying- I don't do this super often (anymore) but when I do it's because I'm terrified of being seen as "lesser" because of something I haven't done, not only do I have to be equal to everyone else in this invisible social hierarchy I have to be BETTER at all times or else I feel I'm undeserving of any social status (which is another thing, obsession with a social status that doesn't even exist outside of my own brain). I also tend to over exaggerate my "worse" traits so that people can't expect anything from me so I can never disappoint anyone. Oh yeah, i def got an awful grade in that class!!! Don't look at my actual report card, if you do that you'll see that I was actually just average, and just average is basically failing anyway... (another note- I could be doing perfectly fine, execrating even, in a class and genuinely think I'm doing badly just because other people are directly getting praised for it and I'm not! If I'm not given praise I'm basically average, otherwise I'd be recognized for my superiority bla bla bla stfu /nay)

I feel like my primary experiences with npd is an obsession with social status, an obsession with being better than everyone else (and a refusal to do things that I know I'm not good at or participate in things I know others will be better at), an obsession with myself and a tendency to only be able to really perceive things as to how they relate to myself, constant masking and a tendency to meticulously build a social persona (or multiple social personas for different situations) instead of just being myself (to the point where "just being myself" is yet another mask and yet another persona), very intense RSD and fear of social rejection and criticism, feeling intense dysphoria and feeling like I'm a failure as a person when I'm feeling left out of something.

Some other things that I'm not sure are just npd things but feel like definitely are at least somewhat related are social exhaustion despite being extroverted (because I'm literally constantly checking myself and making sure everything I do is calculated in some way, without a real goal of why im doing it other than "so you can't be rejected!!! So you can't be told you're doing anything wrong"), any indication of someone losing interest in me leading to me absolutely convincing myself they hate me and have "finally seen who I really am" (not that I know what "who I really am" is, other than some gross, unlovable version of myself that doesn't even really exist outside of my brain).

It's a complex disorder with a lot of layers but people often forget that it's literally cluster b which is "the emotional" cluster, it's a very emotional disorder and it doesn't have as much to do with other people as ppl like to think it does (no, we don't seek out "victims" to abuse for emotional validation or whatever, though the occasional supply boost is nice (compliments + attention)). Tbh I actually think the supply thing makes me more vulnerable to being addicted to social media than it makes me a danger to "leaching off people irl" which is yet another less-looked-at symptom ig.

I'm very glad more people are open to talking to us about our experiences directly rather than just listening to the misinfo ppl spew abt our disorder :} it's a hard one to talk about but it shouldn't be.

a few questions for ppl with npd abt your disorder if thats ok <3

i think the criteria for npd is written in a very confusing way and more about fearmongering rather than actually helping someone identify when they have npd, so i’d like to respectfully ask for a bit of clarification. i spent a while believing ppl with npd are my enemy and i’d like to rectify my lack of knowledge on it.

Keep reading

[pretendicanwrite]

hii! so I'm like rly insecure, and also have anxiety, so it's rly difficult for me to feel important/special. so I would absolutely love if u could make a fic of insecure Leo? maybe abt finnlo being bff and the fact that he wasn't before or !sth like that? also I just would rly like to see the dynamic of the logan-leo relationship, cus i feel like I don't rly know much how it would be. don't feel pressured to do anything u don't wanna, take as much liberty as u want 🫶🫶

Hi! I had a really good time writing this, and it kind of got off-point in a few places, but I hope you enjoy it.

CW: Anxiety, Verbal fights, Arguments

**********

Hearing laughter out in the hallway pulled Leo away from the endless scrolling he was doing on TikTok. His boys had gone out tonight to a high-end bar/ casino that required you to be 21 to enter with the team to make an appearance after the game they won against the Vegas Knights. It was supposed to be a rivalry game between Cap and Greyback after the fight at their last one, so sports reporters were looking for quotes all over the city.

Logan had asked if Leo wanted them to ditch the team to go somewhere that didn’t require you to be over 21 just to enter, but he had turned them down not wanting to spoil their fun.

The laughter continued to get closer, and Leo shut his phone off and walked to the door to look through the peephole.

Finn and Logan were standing in the hallway right outside of the door now and were laughing so hard Leo was minorly concerned that Finn was going to face plant with how unsteady he looked on his own two feet.

Slowly, Leo opened the door to his boyfriends, and they quieted down some when they saw him.

“Hey, Lovernut. I’m sorry if we were loud. We didn’t mean to wake you,” Logan said, moving to wrap his arms around the goalie. “Talkie challenged us to take a shot every time James lost a game.”

Leo smiled softly as his boys, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

Leo’s smiles always reached his eyes. Finn and Logan, although very drunk took notice of this and Finn stepped up to hug Leo as well.

“I’m sorry Nutter Butter. We should have just gone out with you tonight instead. I don’t know about Logan, but I thought maybe after such a tough game you wouldn’t want to go out with us, so when you turned us down I just took that as confirmation.”

He forgave them, even though he figured the forgiveness was more for them than for him. He didn’t see what they did as anything that he needed to forgive. He had turned them down, right? He told them it was fine to go out without him, and that’s what they did. There was nothing wrong with it.

Except he found himself in the same position a week later. Logan was still living with Dumo and his family, so naturally, Leo felt like he had built a closer and stronger bond with Finn.

The dynamics between the threesome were hard to figure out sometimes. Finn and Logan had known each other since Logan’s first year of college, and Finn and Leo had lived together for 6 months before the thought of a relationship was even brought up. So naturally, Finn and Logan, and Finn and Leo had known each other more, and all three should have been aware of this, but recently, it felt as if Leo were the only one who noticed.

Over the next few weeks, he started noticing all of the time that Finn and Logan spent together without him. Leo knew he shouldn’t be jealous. It was an agreed-upon relationship between the three of them, and it wasn’t like they were cheating if they chose to hang out just the two of them.

But sometimes, Leo felt like an afterthought.

Finally, on like the seventh time something like this had happened since the Las Vegas game, he finally snapped.

They had gone out for lunch around 2 in the afternoon and had promised to bring something back for Leo when he turned down their offer to go with them because he wasn’t feeling great.

It was well after one in the morning when they finally appeared back at the apartment.

Leo was sitting alone in the guest room he hadn’t really used since he confessed his feelings to the boys. He had never gotten around to decorating it, and the plain white walls were grating on his nerves ever so gently.

The laughter carried through the walls to where he sat alone on the uncomfortable, dusty bed. The only thing this room was used for was storage and closet space, but Leo had the feeling that there would be many more nights of him sitting alone in there.

Finally, after hearing another loud burst of laughter, and the just as loud ‘shh Leo’s probably sleeping’ he stormed out of the room, only to find his boys on the couch cuddling without him.

He stalked around the corner of the hallway and sat down quietly on the coffee table in front of them. He stared at the two loves of his life, and he could feel the tears gathering on his lower lash line.

He pondered the words for a few minutes, and at last with a breaking voice, and tears rolling down his face, he asked the dreaded question that had been floating around in his head for days. “What am I to you?”

His lovers’ faces snapped up at him when they heard the first syllable leave his chewed-up lips. To be honest, neither Finn nor Logan had a response. They thought it was obvious that Leo was their soulmate, and the fact that he was questioning it left them speechless.

Leo, on the other hand, took their silence to mean something very different. They didn’t know. They had been dating for well over 9 months, and they didn’t know what Leo meant to them.

Logan opened his mouth to respond, but Leo cut him off with a strong sniffle. “I know that you guys have history, and I know that you guys were best friends, and were in love with each other well before I even arrived in Gryffindor, but that doesn’t give you guys the right to tell me I’m your boyfriend, then ignore me for each other. You guys were supposed to be back after lunch. You’ve been gone for at least 10 hours. I had planned a movie night for us and baked while you guys were gone, but you just left me here. For each other.”

“Leo, I’m s-”

“No, Logan. You don’t just get to apologize and expect me to just forgive you like I did the last few times. I’m sick and tired of feeling like an afterthought. You guys are the loves of my life, but if I’m not yours, I need to know. I can’t sit here and be happy with the minimal scraps you guys are throwing me, while I pour my heart out for you. You tell me you love me, but then you ditch me to hang out with each other.”

Logan stood up, his eyes brimming with tears. “That’s not fair. We ask you all the time if you want us to change our plans to include you, but you’re the one constantly turning us down. You don’t get to sit here and tell us we’re being shit boyfriends when you can’t even be bothered to join us. Why should we have to make plans that revolve around you, because you can’t just go along with us?”

Logan was never one to stand down in a fight. He was bullheaded and always had to prove that he was right. Leo knew this about him. He cared too much not to notice that Logan couldn’t turn down the adrenaline that came from confrontation.

“Exactly,” Leo whispered, looking down at his feet. “Change your plans. You never make plans with me. You make them with each other, and I’m an afterthought. Sometimes, when I’m around you two, I feel like a charity case, and you guys are only “dating” me because you feel sorry for me. And I know that’s terrible of me, but that’s how I feel. It’s how my shitty brain works.” Leo moved his hands up next to his face to make the air quotes when he said the word dating. “I don’t get it. I pour my heart out for you guys daily. I shower you with affection, and I make you breakfast because food and acts of service are my love languages. I’m always there for you, but you’re never there for me. You’re too busy being there for each other.”

Leo’s face had a dark flush on it, from crying, and from holding his breath for the majority of his explanation.

Finn moved to kneel in front of Leo, but Logan still stood there glaring down at the rookie. “So what? Because we don’t do everything the same way you do, you don’t think we love you? That’s bullshit, Leo.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. You’re not listening!”

Leo stood now as well, towering over Logan.

Despite having one of the highest fight counts in the NHL, Logan looked slightly scared as his boyfriend used his height to intimidate him.

Leo, upon noticing the subtle change in his boyfriend's attitude, shrunk in on himself and collapsed back on the coffee table.

“Do you see what this shit is doing to me? I just- Oh my god. I’m sorry.” Leo was full-on sobbing now, and Finn moved to gently pull the blonde into his arms.

“Leo. You have to know that this was never our intention. I personally thought that maybe you were just overwhelmed between hockey, moving to a new state, and being in a polyamorous relationship. And I know it’s been over a year, but you’ve barely had any downtime since joining the Lions. I thought that your turning us down meant that you wanted time alone and that you needed to process all of this. I never meant for you to feel like we didn’t want you as a part of this.”

“Finn? Are you seriously going to sit there and comfort him after he accused us of what? Using him?”

Finn glared at Logan, while simultaneously rubbing Leo’s back.

“Yes. I’m going to comfort our crying boyfriend, and you are going to leave the room so that everyone has some time to cool down. Got it? I’ll come to talk to you soon.”

Logan didn’t even bother with a response. He just threw his arms up, scoffed, and turned to walk down the hallway.

Leo picked his head up and stared at his red-headed boyfriend. “I just ruined everything. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you guys feel like this. I just- I… I’m tired of feeling like a burden.”

Finn shushed him, still rubbing circles on his back. “First off, you can’t make somebody feel someway. Their response is exactly that. Theirs. Second of all, saying that you would rather do something else, is not being a burden. Now, I’m not making excuses for Logan, and I’m not going to make excuses for you when I go talk to him, but I want you to know some things. Some of the outings we’ve taken have been Logan taking me to therapy.”

Leo sniffled again, and he tried to speak, but Finn cut him off with a gentle ‘shh.’

“It’s not that I didn’t want you to know, but I didn’t want to unload all of my problems on you while you were still adjusting, and while you seemed uncomfortable. One of the reasons that Logan knows is that sometimes the sessions leave me emotionally and physically drained, and I need someone to drive me. I promise, I have not been trying to exclude you, and I’m sure that Logan hasn’t been either, but a lot of my sessions are about the things that happened at Harvard, and Logan understands that. He knows what I went through there, and one day, when we all feel ready, I want you to know about it too, but that’s not right now. Now, is there anything else you want to ask, or discuss before I go talk to Logan?”

Leo shook his head, and stood up, pulling his boyfriend with him. Leo wrapped his long arms around Finn and settled his chin on the bright red hair. “I’m sorry again. I do love you guys, but I guess I just kind of lost sight of the fact that you love me too.”

Finn merely nodded and gave Leo’s jaw a soft kiss, then pulled out of his arms heading towards his room, where Logan would be waiting.

When Leo heard the door close, he walked down the hall to stand outside of the room. He knew he shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but he realized he had hurt Logan.

“Why did I say all of that shit to him?”

“I don’t know, but he’s hurt and the things that happened out there did not help. But I told him about the therapy, and he understood a little where we were coming from.”

Leo heard a sharp exhale, probably from Logan.

“I don’t even know why I said that. I didn’t mean any of it, and I sure as hell never think things like that. I love him, I do, but it was so easy to just say that shit to him. He just sat there and said all this crap about us not caring for him, and I guess I thought it would be easier to make him hate us if he decided to leave. I think I thought it would hurt less or something, but I hurt him, and I never wanted to do that. I just didn’t want to relive the pain of when you left me at Harvard. God, I’m so sorry!”

There were a few sniffles before Leo heard the sound of feet scuffling across the floor.

“I’m not the one you need to say that too.”

“What if he never forgives me? I didn’t want to say that. I didn’t mean any of it!”

Leo chose this moment to open the bedroom door, and walked right up to Logan. “I know that you didn’t mean it. I can’t say that you’re forgiven, because it hurt, but I do know that you’re sorry. You never answered my question though. What am I to you?”

Logan let out a watery laugh and turned to fully face the blond in the doorway. “I just told Finn that I loved you when I didn’t even know you were there. Do you honestly think I feel anything less than love?”

“You can love me and not want to be in a relationship with me. Finn, can you just let us work this out between ourselves, sweetheart? I want you to stay here, but I think it’s really important that we don’t have you act as a buffer between us. We need to say the things that we mean, and we need to be able to have these things out in the open.”

Finn, albeit a bit hesitant nodded and sent a small, soft smile toward his boys before walking towards the dresser, and leaning on it.

Logan plopped on the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to him. “I think that I said those things so that the pain of you leaving would be less because I would know that you were angry, not heartbroken. I never want you to be heartbroken because that would break my heart.”

Leo, nodded, taking the seat offered next to his shorter boyfriend. “We could have just talked.”

“It was kind of hard when you were telling us that we were purposefully leaving you out.”

Leo took the subtle dig, dropping his head.

“Shit, I’m sorry. That didn’t come out how I wanted it to.”

“No, I deserved that.”

Logan turned on the bed, pulled one leg up next to him, and gently grabbed the rookie's hands. “You don’t deserve it, Le. I was angry, you were angry, and I think deep down, we both still are.”

Silence fell over the room for a minute as both boys took time to think. They were still connected at the hands, and neither of them made a move to change their positions, but Logan could tell that Leo was trying not to fidget his way right out of his seat.

“Look, we both know that I don’t handle my emotions in the most healthy way, but I’m trying here. I know that I just made a mistake out there, but I’m acknowledging it, and I’m trying to talk about it. I guess… I guess I didn’t want to believe that I could be making you feel like that. Harzy hadn’t told anyone, including you, that he was going to therapy, and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell you where we had spent some of our time, and I couldn’t lie to you, so I guess it was just easier to ignore the fact that we spent so much time out. I-I love you, and I don’t ever want you to question that. I’m sorry that my actions have broken our trust, and I’m sorry that I made you feel unworthy.”

Leo dove onto his boyfriend, his cheeks wet with silent tears.

With Logan’s previous issues handling his emotions, his heartfelt speech meant everything to Leo. Even if he couldn’t forgive him at this exact moment, he knew that Logan meant every word of what he said.

“It wasn’t my place to tell you, but I could have told you some of the truth and I didn’t, so that’s on me. I’m sorry babe. I am truly so so sorry.”

There was work to be done, and so many things that the cubs had to learn to navigate, that a majority of couples didn’t, but after this threat of heartbreak, they knew that they had to work on it. They meant everything to each other, now they just had to learn to show it.

**********

I hope you enjoyed it!

[volfoss]

ummm okay. gay kevin. idk shit abt persona so ur fave and least fave (maybe a side from creep weirdo adults actually I know Enough abt persona. least favorite Normalish character) feel free to elaborate on any of these and umm ummm cheryl also mwah mwah <33

HI. I'm putting this under a cut bc um. <- guy who will ramble rly rly long. Or smth

Every single day I shake my head thinking about the potential Kevin could have if yk. RAC didn't go cop mode and his god. His shit w Percival and also every other relationship it's rly :////. I don't know how unpopular my opinions r bc outside of my like 5 Riverdale mutuals I do NOT touch the main tags. I do NOT need the horrible barchie and varchie takes so. But it is very frustrating to me how he's treated and I rly think if I rewatched I could get more insane about him and use my epic ok let's give him more character abilities BUT I am holsing back from a rewatch so.

^ the dislike is well. For the current season shit and the stuff he did 2 Toni and fangs.... Bc like :/

Getting the Riverdale ones done before um I hit u w the persona essay. But Cheryl my literal best friend forever???

^ she needs to be on screen like. All the time forever and ever. If Cheryl is not on screen I think we all should die. She's literally the best part ever and my beloved friend Nico is so right about her and will hit me w the hi. Did u see Cheryl this episode and I will clap and cheer. She's literally the best and so funny and epic and has literally been since s1ep1. Any crimes that are adjacent to murder or well. Anything else. It's forgiven bc she's epic and funny and swag so. Like I'm not umm?? Super picky on any Cheryl ship BUT I think Cheryl and Veronica could be so fucking funny. Like the dynamic could go so hard etc. I love her a lot like in my top 5 rvd characters

Umm persona time and also like I'm gonna spoil a BIG twist about 4 for you so like. Heads up for that. It's not worth playing tho (I say so affectionately but it's also a hard twist to avoid bc everyone knows it and it's like a 10+ year old game)

My least fave (affectionate. Kind of. I also want him dead) character is adachi from 4. I want him dead like for REALSIES but also he's done nothing wrong but he's ALSO literally killed 3 people.

^ every fan sucks about him and I want literally every adachi fan minus my friend to die bc they suck but like he's ultimately just a silly little guy (again. Excusing the murders and also the well. General cringefail of him). Unfortunately I understand him and I think that like he has issues (in a good and bad way.) But he's also like rly???? Idk man he's kinda got issues and problems but he's also rly sillay and goofy and I think he's allowed to kill because he's sillay. He also sucks so bad and I need to kill him. Like a lot of the fans suck so so so bad and I think that he's a very interesting character if you actually understand him. I think he's a little loser ultimately and ummm I don't rly have coherent thoughts but I am microwaving him

Ok as for faves ummm I have a lot HOWEVER I'm gonna go a bit crazy insane about a little dude from persona 2. So like his name is Michel (or like that's his nickname ig?) And so like here's rapidfire facts about him before I hit u w the bingo. So like his weapon when fighting is a guitar case turned into a machine gun. I'm not joking it's very epic. He's also like?? His introduction in the game is LITERALLY basically a hey quit your job join my emo band. He says carpe diem like "crap a dime". He's a singer and like he comes up w insanely stupid song lyrics. He's also like full of issues and problems on many levels. And he literally has blue hair and pronouns

^ him btw. I just need u to understand the character a bit before I go insane in the bingo board

^ he doesn't get enough screen time bc he's not on my screen constantly but like I do not interact w any p2 fans minus my friend Chris and my lovely mutual toni who are both epic and understand it. However I do think some people probably suck about him and he's my bestie so I understand him on a fundamental level. He's rly epic and niceys and minus well a couple issues he does nothing wrong ever and ever. He's my best friend bc like. In persona 2 when u meet demons u can communicate w them and one of his options is to like talk to them and be like HEY you suck your life sucks etc. It's very epic and funny and he will also sing to them sometimes. Also just this gif.

[welcometoteyvat]

@dawns-noctua so I fucked up and answered your ask way too early 💀 here’s a repost of the full character bingo

Childe

tbh I don't have much to say about him lol I don't think about him enough. I will say, from the content I've seen of him, I think he has good fans! Like childe stans (to me) feel like wholesome people? y'all don't seem to do him dirty at all and I greatly appreciate the memes and funny content as well as the serious fanwork about him; it gives him good depth and made me consider things I hadn't before! In terms of his actual character, I think his duality of being a caring brother and a fearsome harbinger is v interesting!! idk I feel like he'd have an interesting if slightly messed up perspective on life (good with kids; separates work and personal life; and yet extremely battlesexual). he's a malewife a harbinger a dead-eyes abyss survivor a pro-fisher the brother of all time a guy with no common sense and one braincell only aka he's hilarious! I enjoy his character from afar (also I'm gonna say from all the popular-ish childe ships I've seen, none of them are unrealistic pog to you guys for having taste.)

Shenhe

I don't think about her much either but I have more opinions about her lol. #1 opinion is always that she had So Much potential with chongyun, and then mihoyo dropped the trailer and never mentioned their aunt/nephew dynamic again (voicelines don't count). I also don't like how she seems to be designed as another fanservice-y cryo woman who's semi """in love""" with the traveler (ie some of her interactions with the traveler in the archon quest and her dialogue after you completed the moonchase main questline). Like I understand that the traveler is her first connection to mortal Liyue after being away in the adeptal sphere for so long and the traveler is supposed to be a major part of her arc but it’s giving “cryo woman is shown another side of society that she didn’t know before by the traveler” (ie Ayaka and Eula) and it’s kinda hrmmm. moving onto her actual lore, this is the part where everyone but me is wrong abt her (I’m joking.) I’m not well versed enough in xianxia tropes to talk but she draws a lot from that and being like a recluse from society because she’s been unlucky from birth; I appreciate the culture stuff in that but I feel like it also makes her misinterpreted not me seeing a post about how she has yang energy like chongyun??? she has yin energy if ever I saw it. Anyways maybe I’m not looking in the right place but I also feel like she has less fanon character depth than I’d like ;.; her most popular ships are meh to me (confused on why Yun Jin is shipped with her bc to me Yun Jin’s a minor) but I love the small doodles of shenlan a Twitter artist does <3333

Itto

LOVE THIS DUDE. He’s HILARIOUS I don’t think about him enough. I’m absolutely in love with whatever his CN VA did with him bc ittos loud and long “HAHAHAHA” lives rent free in my head since he dropped on the livestream. His story quest was also super nice!! 🥺 idk if you’ve played it yet so I won’t spoil anything but they did his character really nicely and the way they expanded on the oni lore was also super cute!! also the cutscenes were 100% amazing. Idk I like that genshin finally made a heart of gold himbo who’s been through some tough days but still keeps looking up; his character complexity and overall personality is v nice!! I also like whatever him and Yoimiya’s rivalry/r/ship is in general it’s funny. I think he was a bit too much comic relief (and not enough actual character) in perilous trails but it was funny so I’ll let it slide. anyways i don’t think enough about this man he slaps.

[snnbnny]

tell me more abt u and sakusa and inumaki,, im interested in those pairings specifically

hehehe oki!!!~

Me an Oomi:

He's my rock, he's the calm to my chaotic. If I get overwhelmed then he knows without having to say anything, it's like he's honed in on my emotions. I always try to be aware if he's irritated at all.

When I walk by him, I always make sure bonk his back or side. Something he's grown accustomed to.

He's not actually a germaphobe, just blunt and a completionist. That being said, he doesn't hate mess but he appreciates clean. However he always likes to see when I've gone down a rabbit hole and have left a little mess behind, he can't explain it just that it makes him smile. He's always worried when the house is spotless because that mean either I'm having anxiety or an episode where I don't want to do anything.

Sure he's blunt and it can catch many off guard, but I appreciate his honesty most of the time- he's genuine and I love him for it. I to can be a little to honest with my thoughts and I think I'm less socially aware then he is!

He keeps buying me plants like their floral arrangements(which he also gets), our apartment is full with the suckers to the point that we're going to have to get a bigger place. Between all the other gifts for me including hobby supplies, animals, and clothes that is- He loves to spoil me despite my protests.

He has the biggest sweet tooth, literally eats anything I bake gratefully. I hate that pickled fruit Umeboshi that he liked but I always make sure we have it.

"Keep those biters in your mouth angel," He saw me from the corner of his eyes patter into the bedroom. "hello to you to, whats wrong?" I sit down on the bed and watch him as he peals off his gym cloths next ton one of the dressers. I see the new bruises forming and my brow pinches with concern, "Miya's annoying, is all. Practice was intense today." I get up and walk behind him, pressing kiss on the marks on his back and massaging the muscles of his lower back which makes him groan, "I'm so sorry baby, want me to run a bath?" I ask him which pulls a chuckle from the man. "Sure, as long as you join me.

He loves it when I play with his hair, no matter where why or how. He adores the feeling of my fingers combing his soft curls and my nails scritching his clean scalp. Also he loves it when I kiss his beauty marks.

We met in a coffee shop where I was working at the time, whenever he came in he made an effort to talks to me- found out rather quickly how I liked to ramble, a feature he was quick to adore. He still can get me talking for hours it's like he knows the right buttons to get me to info dump. He loves listening to me talk.

When we started living together and getting more serious, he asked me if I wished to quit my job in order to write and do my art more- he already made well more then enough to support us both, and he knew where my heart really was. I was reluctant to accept, but I did, and he knows how grateful I am every day.

Me and Inumaki!!

Me and Toge communicate on a different wavelength, I always understand what he means- we also learned sign language together in case theres a point he can't get across to me

While I don't actually know what he does or anything about the jujutsu side of the world, I know theres a lot that I can't know and whatever Inumaki does is dangerous- It always why I kiss him a thousand time before he leaves and tells him to be safe for me.

We both are physical people and often don't even have to try and speak to get our points across. From head butts, pokes, nibbles, etc.

He always loves when we cuddle and he gets me to talk, he hangs on to every word I say. When he has to leave, he thinks about every word on repeat in order to remind himself he has to come home to me.

He likes to have me sit on the floor infront of where he sits so he can brush and do my hair.

I can always tell when he pushes himself to far, I can see the ache in his face. I always force him to lay on the couch when I get every drink and food I think he could want, painkillers, and ice cubes- I straddle him and gently give him anything in small doses. I gently soothe his mouth muslces with the cubes, running them over his lips and the sides of his mouth.

When anyone asks how we met, we always tell them it was at a grocery store and I couldn't reach something. I reality I had nearly been a victim of a cursed spirit before he saved my life, something I'm eternally greatfull for. He still ponders how I saw the spirits though...

Me, him, and Yuuta are all bestfriends- when they aren't working its a good chance we have plans to hang out and do whatever. Sure I see they have secrets from me being some supernatural slayers or whatever, but I trust them and it never gets in the way of having fun most of the time.

He was gone for a really really long time once, so long that I was sure he was gone and I was inconsolable. But when he showed up in the kitchen he held me when I cried, and pointed to a cat that sat on the counter- we named the calico bonito flakes.

ask me about my self ships

[princeoftheroses]

12 for the book asks

12) did you enjoy any compulsory high school readings?

there were a few that i liked!!!

this was a LONG time ago but i remember in 8th grade i read the outsiders by s.e. hinton for my english class. at the time, it really changed me and tbh was in my little gay collection of non-gay books (ironic considering the author is homophobic i think) i don't think as fondly of it now (it's just okay) but i still have a soft spot for it bc of how much i loved it when i was 13.

in 11th grade which was american lit i adored the great gatsby by f. scott fitzgerald i just. really loved it. there was a lot of symbolism in it and i always liked that. in my class ppl tended to love or hate that book and i do understand why ppl wouldn't like it since it literally is supposed to be about ppl who are assholes, but i liked it anyway bc it was very interesting. kind of like watching a car crash in slow motion.

for the summer before i took ap lit in 12th grade we had 3 books which was required reading and one of them was the awakening by kate choping. i actually was really surprised by how much i like it bc i tend not to like anything feminist created by white people, but for some reason it really resonated with me. i think it was bc it was such pure unadulterated emotion. i know a few people who hated the book for the ending bc [spoiler alert, tho i dont think anyone cares if they were spoiled for this book lol] [also tw: suicide for the rest of this paragraph] they felt they felt like it was very hopeless that the "awakened" woman killed herself in the end. i understand the criticism and i would NEVER tell somebody they were wrong for disliking an ending involving the protagonist killing themselves, but imo it was just a very moving ending. i dont think the protagonist was supposed to be the model for the awakened woman, i think it was just one person's life and experience. it wasnt really abt morality or abt her being a symbol of feministic awakening, she was just a single example of a woman who had an internal awakening abt herself... it was just very raw... sort of had an appeal to me similar to the handmaid's tale by margarat atwood bc in that book, offred wasn't a symbol of liberation and trying to revolutionize the system, she was just one woman who was living in an oppressive situation. she doesn't have to be the revolution, she simply exists and deserves the right to be free. that said, i think i might have liked this book even more if the protagonist got to live.. it did make me very depressed for a good while after i read it.

sorry i went off on that a lot i just have a lot of feelings abt the awakening that i havent processed since reading it in 2019 bc nobody ever wants to hear me talk abt it lol.

i think i read more books that i hated than loved in school (ex. of books i hated that i read in school - tess of the d'ubervilles by thomas hardy, gulliver's travels by jonathan swift, a lesson before dying by ernest j. gaines, lord of the flies by william golding, the crucible by arthur miller) but i'm glad i read the above books that i loved. i think there are more short stories i read in class that i loved than novels, but unfortunately i never saved the titles for a lot of them so i cant really look them up again :/

HONORABLE MENTIONS - books that other people read in school that i was never assigned in class but liked a lot when i read them outside of school - the handmaid's tale by margret atwood, beloved by toni morrison, never let me go by kazuo ishiguro (???) (this isn't a common school book as far as i know, but i only read it bc somebody rec'd it to me, and they originally found/read it bc it was assigned to them in class)

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

okay im gonna start w responding to ur bullet point list and then go from there. see where this post takes me lmao.

but basically, yeah, this does kinda make ed look bad!! i agree! i love ed, but he is not above criticism! he makes mistakes, too!!!

Ed, despite his long career and reputation, has appointed a first mate who knows shit about boats and sailing and regularly disrespects him, and kept him on for years.

yeah. lol. that's what i think has happened. i think izzy probably used to be more helpful with like, raids and stuff, even if he wasn't so great at boat stuff, and he helped make sure nobody mutinied against ed. but bc blackbeard is such a famous figure, both of those things basically happen by themselves these days. but there's some kind of fondness there, even if it isn't true friendship and intimacy, and ed's not gonna throw that away just to have to go through the trouble of finding a new first mate. like, god, can you imagine that hiring process? that sounds like a fucking nightmare

As a captain, Ed fails to compensate for his first mate’s weakness to allow him to do his job, unable to communicate basic ideas like “fog’s coming later”.

again, u are correct! i still kinda hold my original take from when i first watched this episode, that ed is being dumb by not sharing. but i've talked a lot in the notes of this post abt why ed doesn't think he needs to share, he thinks he's come up with a plan and there's not really anything izzy needs to do. he could come out and just tell izzy his plan, but he doesn't see the need. which, again, is stupid.

Ed continues to allow Izzy to make decisions like what to do with the crew on his own, despite Izzy being unqualified. He even plans on leaving his entire crew in Izzy’s hands after faking his own death. (Heh, Hands’s hands).

first off: lmao. hands's hands. nice.

ANYWAY! i am saying this again: i don't think izzy rlly needs to do much to keep the crew running without ed. and yeah, ed says he's gonna leave izzy in charge after his retirement, but 1. ed's gonna need some help to fake his death, and izzy was about to leave, so ed has to make it worth izzy's while, 2. who the fuck else is he gonna leave the crew with? ed doesnt really have any friends, and also if ed dies, i'm pretty sure power just passes right down to the first mate anyway? forgive me if im wrong on that i dont know a lot about how ships work, but my point here is just that ed isn't rlly like, going out of his way to give izzy his crew. he just wants to retire, and izzy would obviously take the reins from there. and then 3. once ed's gone, i cannot imagine he gives literally a single shit about whether or not his crew stays together. this is not so much trusting izzy with his crew as it is dumping it on izzy and being like, "yeah, this can be your problem, now"

His other two named crew, Ivan and Fang, also don’t know shit about boats, because they also failed to read the sausage clouds. And by implication, we can guess that NONE of Ed’s entire crew know shit about boats, because if Izzy doesn’t, he must not have been spoiled for choice.

ok, so i think there was a slight misunderstanding: im not saying that izzy should've been able to read the sausage clouds. im not saying anyone on either crew other than ed should've known what they meant! im saying that weather is important to pirates, which this episode establishes as true even in the muppet-logic reality of the show. yeah the characters can ferry around the fucking ocean and a dinghy like it's a little taxi, but the shape of the clouds means something. and if your goddamn pirate captain who terrorizes the sea on wooden sailboats asks you a question about the clouds, he is talking about more than just funny shapes in the clouds

also, like, maybe ivan and fang don't know a lot about boats?? i hadn't thought abt them much (aside from just, hey, those guys seem cool), but maybe their job is more to provide muscle in raids than to sail the seas. that would make sense with why ed would bring them along, right? the Revenge already has a crew that is capable of (if not brilliant at) sailing the ship, so ed just brings over a handful of his men to keep this other crew fearfully in line. but again: i'm not saying every half-decent sailor should've known what the clouds meant. but ivan and fang weren't there when ed pointed the clouds out to izzy. maybe if they were, they would've been like "hey boss, why're you talking about the clouds? is something up?"

Ed’s plan wasn’t a display of genius, but one of basic sailor competence 101. The fact that everyone on the Revenge was impressed, including a supposedly experienced sailor like Buttons, is just proof of how incompetent everyone on the Revenge is.

ok so i had this episode open and i went and checked, and we don't actually see buttons be impressed?? which doesn't really mean much but i just wanted to point it out

anyway, i really do think this is supposed to be an impressive moment, tho. actually putting together the pieces of "this morning's sky" and the "brisk, westerly wind" and, again, the fucking frankfurter clouds to mean fog rolls in at night is very clearly meant to be an impressive moment on ed's part. that's some "most brilliant sailor i've ever met" shit right there.

so again, i'm not saying izzy should be the kind of sailor that can predict the weather by the shape of the clouds. i'm saying that izzy should be enough of a sailor to realize that there's more to say about clouds than just "tee hee, don't they look like sausages?" especially if his sailor pirate captain is the one pointing them out

Despite Ed’s plan being based on sailing 101 principles of sailing every adequate sailor should know, he still managed to fuck it up and nearly get them all killed.

again, not saying that the cloud stuff was sailing 101 basic shit. i'm saying that the existence of weather is lesson 1 of being at sea. i've literally never been on a boat for more than a few hours at a time, but even i've heard the phrase "red in the morning, sailor's warning. red at night, sailor's delight" (which like, idk if that was a saying back then, but 1. i'd bet it was and 2. i know this show takes place in 1717, but it's very much targeted towards modern audiences who have basic modern-day knowledge. the way characters talk about blackbeard is more in line with how we'd talk about him today, not how people would've talked about him back then. so the fact that I, a person who is Not A Sailor, have an understanding of the basic idea that 1717 Sailors Should Pay Attention To The Weather, means that izzy hands, blackbeard's first mate, should also at least have that much knowledge)

and also: yes, ed still manages to fuck it up. there's this post that talks some more about the science of why ed's plan doesn't work, but also? ed fucks it up!! because he doesn't communicate or collaborate, which ofmd shows to be a very important part of being a successful pirate and also just, a happy person. and the fact that ed doesn't communicate says a lot abt ed, and izzy, and their relationship, but im gonna get to that more later.

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ok outta the bullet point list now, onto the rest.

izzy apologizing to ed! so, izzy apologizes because ed (and stede) did get them out of the situation in the end, so izzy's whole rant abt ed being a twat and an insane, unpleasant shell of a man was kind of out of line in retrospect. and i actually kind of understand why izzy said all that, bc izzy doesn't start that conversation by viciously insulting ed, he only gets that riled up as ed continues to laugh and brush izzy aside. and i also get why he would feel like a dick once they're out of danger because ed (and stede) save the day. but like, i still think my original point stands, bc for the rest of the show izzy continues to insult ed for his choices the less ed acts like gritty, hypermasculine ideal of blackbeard

but like, izzy having doubts is reasonable. izzy being annoyed at being brushed off is reasonable. i'm not saying izzy should just blindly trust ed!! i'm saying izzy, a Pirate, should have picked up that the cloud conversation meant something and asked ed about it. and sure, izzy’s “when we’ve once again barely eked by to fight another day-” line is shown to be true, but his line right before that is "so i'm gonna devise a plan," which he, uh. doesn't do.

i'm not trying to put the blame on this entirely on izzy, because like, ed could've (and probably should've) just came right out and told izzy his plan. like, the "why would ed bother with being direct with his plan if izzy doesn’t respect him" line was meant more from ed's perspective, not mine, lmao. there plenty of reasons why ed should communicate clearly (it would increase everyone's chances of Not Dying, for one). my point with this post was that i'd had an a-ha moment with the frankfurter dialogue and realized that even in the silly muppet world of ofmd, they establish this episode that the shape of the clouds matters for sailors, so izzy should've known something was up. not saying he should've read ed's mind, or that should've also known what the shape of the clouds meant. i'm just saying that i understand more why ed was, like. a dick to izzy during this episode.

and that's what i think the writers want us to think about in this episode. not the clouds, not the logic of boat sailing, not even ed or izzy's skills. i think the writers are trying to show us how much izzy and ed don't work well together, at least not anymore. ed won't stop with the dramatics enough to communicate clearly, and izzy doesn't respect ed enough to think ed isn't taking things seriously if he's not also behaving seriously (yeah i'm still sticking with that point, lmao). ed and izzy's relationship is meant to stand opposite to ed and stede's relationship, where they instinctively flow together much better—but still don't communicate effectively, which is why the season ends the way it does. ed's got stuff to work on! and so does izzy! and stede, even though i'm not rlly talking abt him in this post, lmao. ed is going to learn how to communicate more openly, because he's the love interest and he's needed for the show's happy ending (but also he has less work to do on that front than stede does, jfc). but if izzy's gonna get his redemption arc, he's gonna have to learn to accept ed when he's Not Being A Pirate (and a man) The Right Way

i am once again thinking abt the frankfurters scene at the beginning of episode 4

my original thought after watching that whole episode was that ed keeping his plan a secret for the purpose of a dramatic reveal was stupid of him. if he’d talked abt his plan with izzy (talk it through as a crew), they could’ve pointed out the flaw and they would’ve had time to come up with a plan b

then i saw posts that talked abt how ed was trying to tell izzy his plan, but izzy just thought ed was goofing off, bc izzy is bad at reading ed’s language (and also just. people in general). and i was like “yeah, fair point, but ed still could’ve just. came right out and say it. why’d he have to play coy”

but the more i think about it tho?? the more i think about it

they’re fucking pirates. they’re sailors. they navigate the sea by boat.

if your pirate captain asks you about the clouds one morning, you should fucking realize he’s talking about more than just the fucking clouds

sailors had to know how to read the sky and predict the weather if they wanted to have even a chance at surviving at sea. izzy even says himself that he thought blackbeard was the most brilliant sailor he’s ever met. when i think about it this way, it’s actually baffling that ed started pointing out the clouds and izzy literally had no idea what ed was talking about. he thought ed was just fucking around!! which is kind of fucking insulting, when you think about it!!!

like, this tells me two things:

izzy is not a good sailor. izzy doesn’t know shit about boats. izzy’s singular talent is sword fighting. ed does all the navigating, the crew does all the boat stuff, and izzy just sort of sits there and glowers. maybe waves his sword around if someone’s slacking off. he’s good in a fight, in a raid. if they’re not raiding, izzy’s not good for anything (which oughff puts his reaction to ed saying “why are we even being pirates?” into perspective. if they’re not being pirates, then izzy is no longer needed)

unless ed is being like, brooding and straightforward, izzy doesn’t fucking respect ed enough to think ed might take things seriously. because ed was like, giggling over stede’s trinkets and talking about the clouds, izzy did not seem to consider that ed might’ve come up with something. if he’s really been such a loyal right hand man for so many years, if he really respected ed as the most brilliant sailor he’s ever met, that cloud conversation should’ve been a dead giveaway that ed knew what he was doing

and like, ed’s frustrated “it’s like pulling teeth with you sometimes, man” line makes it sound like this is normal? that izzy often brushes ed of when he talks abt things this way. and if i were ed, it would’ve been so fucking annoying to see my first mate ignore what should be some very obvious hints because he thinks im just fucking around. why would ed bother with being direct with his plan if izzy doesn’t respect him enough (and also isn’t a good enough sailor) to realize the cloud conversation isn’t just about clouds.