#also continuing my theme of photos from different eras for different covers

[ohgaylor]

LOVER — This album is a love letter to love itself- all the captivating, spellbinding, maddening devastating red, blue, gray, golden aspects of it (that's why there are so many songs). In honor of fever dreams, bad boys, confessions of love on a drunken night out, Christmas lights still hanging in January, guitar string scars on my hands, false gods and blind faith, memories of jumping into an icy outdoor pool, creaks in floorboards and ultraviolet morning light, finally finding a friend, and opening the curtains to see the clearest, brightest daylight after the darkest night.

[dramaqueeenamby]

𝙎𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝗈𝖿 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 | seven

Parings: CEO!Chris Hemsworth x Stripper!OC // Words: 7.8K // Type: Series // Taglist: Yes/No (Inbox me to be tagged or removed) Warnings: Sexual harassment, racial themes, discussions pertaining to child death, miscarriage, alcohol/drug use, and suicide attempts. Angst.

A/N: I'm so sorry for the inexcusable delay in updates. This chapter is hella long and perhaps should have been split into two, but I promised ya'll some answers in the last chapter, so here they are!

“What is that haircut?”

“Why are you zooming in?”

Kaya said nothing, continuing to pinch her fingers to gain a closer look, her smile widening by the second. “Holy shit, you weren’t kidding. “

Chris rolled his eyes. “All children go through phases.”

“This is beyond a phase, my friend. Don’t even get me started on the outfit.” As she erupted in yet another fit of giggles, he took advantage of the opportunity to snatch the iPad away from her.

“Go to sleep.”

Quieting herself down, she wiped at her eyes. “No. Come on. I’m enjoying this, and like you said, you were a dumb kid. How were you supposed to know these photos would haunt you till’ the end of time?”

“Only if they get out.”

“Don’t tempt me with a good time, sir.”

Chris closed the app and looked over at her. “What about you?”

Kaya’s brow lifted. “What about me?”

“What about your phases?”

She snorted. “Absolutely not.” He continued to stare her down, prompting her to cave, a surprising move even for her. Kaya’s tenacity was typically much stronger than that. “Fine.”

She grabbed her phone and unlocked it, opening Google Photos and scrolling mindlessly. She knew that any horrifically embarrassing snapshots would be from as far back as her library went. The older the photo, the higher the likelihood she would regret ever caving.

It took roughly two minutes for her to locate a set, her eyes shutting and a small moan leaving her partially closed mouth.

He smirked. “Found it?”

“Shut up.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“You’re going to make me regret this, aren’t you?”

“Without a doubt.”

She couldn’t help it. She laughed. “At least you’re honest.” Blowing out a breath, she issued a formal forewarning. “In my defense, I was young and dumb.”

“How is that diff—fine, I will reserve my judgment.”

“Liar.” When he said nothing else, she took another deep breath and gradually pulled her phone away from her breast, twisting her wrist so that he could see the screen. “I give you, thebaddestputa69.”

She watched the corner of his lips lift upward as he fought off a smile in favor of a smirk. “Hotmail or aol?” Her surprise at his knowledge of the fallen email servers must have shown because he commented, “I’m old, not ancient.”

She matched his smirk and leaned over to whisper. “Hotmail. Definitely hotmail.”

“AIM username?”

“Come on, the same as my email. I wasn’t creative enough to have multiple aliases.”

He chuckled, grabbing her phone to examine the photo. “I certainly do not miss the peace sign era.”

“I’m pretty sure I used that same pose in all of my photos back then.”

He gestured to the plastered graphic that read ‘jealousy is a disease, get well soon’. “With the same masterful level of editing, I’m sure.”

“But of course, blingee and picnik were a staple.”

A comfortable silence befell them as he returned her phone, and she quickly swiped up to close the app. Kaya was grateful that he didn’t swipe right or left, something she was expecting him to do, if she was being completely honest with herself.

Kaya yawned and naturally laid her head on his shoulder as she reached over to grab the book she was reading when they somehow got on the topic of rebellious and wild phases of days of past.

“Are we th—”

“Finish that sentence, and I will personally throw you out of this damn plane myself.”

Kaya looked over at him, eyebrows furrowed, and mouth pronounced. “It’s a legitimate question.”

“No, it was a legitimate question. However, it stopped being one when you asked me the fifth time.”

“I’m just trying to keep the conversation going. Damn.”

“No, you’re just trying to pester me.”

“Look, it’s obvious you don’t want to hear me talk anymore, so I’m just going to shut my mouth for the remainder of the flight.” He snorted. “What?”

“We both know that’s not possible.” He finally broke his gaze from his phone as he looked over with that knowing smirk that she despised. “You always have to have the last word.”

“That is not true.”

“Kaya, you’re like a child.”

“Keep it up, and you’ll be the one who’s personally tossed from this jet.”

“See what I mean.”

Groaning, she threw her hands up and shook the book in her right hand. “This is the second book in this series.”

“And?”

“And I started the series when we were still on the taxi.”

He shrugged. “Read slower.”

“Chris!”

He laughed, reaching to place his hand on her thigh as she sighed while banging her head back against the headrest. “Relax.”

“Don’t you think if I could, I would?”

“You were doing great five minutes ago.”

“That was in the past.”

“Next time, we’re taking separate jets.”

She didn’t know why but hearing him refer to future happenings both excited and saddened her, for more reasons than one. She cleared her throat. “This is a work trip, right?” He looked down at her as she placed the book down on the ground and held onto his bicep. “You know, something for your company.”

He studied her for a moment and looked up, closing his eyes as he laid his head back against the headrest. “I have the cover of this month’s GQ Italia.”

“Fancy,” she remarked, still unsatisfied with his answer-non answer. “So, I was right. This is a work thing.”

Chris thought about what she said, what she asked, as well as his response before he replied. “They offered to contract a photographer in LA.”

Brows scrunched, she had to ask, now more confused than she was just a few minutes ago. “So why go to them?”

His silence only irked her, the seconds dragging into minutes, which felt like hours. Frustrated and impatient, she called his name again. “Chris-”

“Jesus,” was all she heard before his lips were on hers, palm of his hand pressed against her cheek. Everything else after that was a sensual blur. His other hand moved to her hip, pulling her onto his lap, never once breaking their kiss. She placed her hands on his shoulders, giving a light squeeze, inching her body closer to his, close enough to feel the heat that always emanated over him.

And then, it was over.

Eyes fluttering and breath staggering, she nearly whined when he ran his thumb over her swollen bottom lip.

“This isn’t work for me.”

----

“This is our room?”

Chris looked up and chuckled, watching Kaya spin around the middle, eyes soaking in their suite. He placed her bag near the closet while crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.

“It is.”

Kaya nodded and grabbed the bottom of her sweatshirt, tugging it over her head. She extended her arm out and turned around, lifting a brow. “And we have maid service, correct?”

He eyed her. “Of course.”

Kaya smirked and let the garment fall to the floor.

Chris chuckled. “You wanna explain that?”

“What?” She played innocent, fingers toying with the waistband of her joggers as she began to shimmy out of them. “Staying in a fancy hotel where I don’t have t0 clean up after myself?” She walked toward him, moving to grab her suitcase so that she could find her next outfit. “Granted, we have the maid service at home, but—” Both Christopher and Kaya paused at her statement, equally surprised by how easily it flowed, but more so with the statement itself.

Defense immediately kicked in and Kaya cleared her throat. “I mean, ya know, your place.” She refused to make eye contact that exceeded ten seconds, grabbing the handle of her suitcase and dragging it in the direction of what looked like the bathroom.

“Dibs.”

Her feet weren’t moving fast enough for her liking. In fact, they were slow enough that Chris was somehow able to cross the room and grab her by her arm. She looked up, managing to remain calm while inwardly panicking.

God, please don’t let him ask anything.

“Don’t take too long.”

She swallowed. “Why?”

Her grip on the handle tightened when he moved his hand to her face, the back of it brushing against her cheek. Had he been paying close enough attention, he would have noticed the way she shivered at his touch.

“You want dinner, don’t you?”

-----

“This isn’t exactly what I meant.”

Kaya looked up from her pizza, pausing mid chew. “What? Pizza in Italy? This is goals.”

He intended to take her to a fine restaurant, one where only the elite could afford to dine. Instead, she requested pizza delivered to their room. Kaya never ceased to surprise him. “And why are you eating pizza with a fork?”

She shrugged, adjusting the thin strap of her shirt. “Because pizza is messy, and my life's already messy enough. I avoid when I can.”

Chris didn’t say anything, simply watching her eat. She caught his gaze and looked away. If she could, she’d go back in time and stop herself from ever saying what she did. It’d ruined everything. He’d been acting different around her since, and she hated that. She also hated that she hated it.

Since when did she give a flying fuck about what people thought of her? Let alone him.

It was out of character for her, and she didn’t like it.

She didn’t like it at all.

Similarly, Chris also found it difficult to focus on anything other than the encounter from earlier, but not for the reasons Kaya thought.

Not even close.

“So, what’s the agenda for this trip?”

He chuckled and brought the champagne to his lips. “And ruin the surprise?”

Her eyes narrowed as she replaced the fork with her fingers so that she could eat the crust piece by piece. “What surprise?”

“What kind of question is that? Who gives away a surprise?”

“Are you capable of ever just answering my questions with a straight answer?”

He pretended to think. “I could.”

“But?”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“You and fun? Never realized they were synonymous.”

“I’d like to think we have fun.”

“We have sex. Really, really, great sex.”

“You don’t consider that fun?”

“Fun isn’t a strong enough word to describe it.” He lifted a brow, and she scoffed, tossing a red pepper packet in his direction. “Stop it. I am trying to have a mature conversation here.”

“Not quite sure how possible that is when both parties are inebriated.”

“Bullshit. You know damn well neither one of us is drunk. You haven’t seen me drunk. Hell, I haven’t seen me drunk in a while.”

The way her tone changed toward the end of her sentence garnered his interest. “Why not?”

She looked at him, her smile faltering as she nervously cleared her throat. “I—uh—I get really bad migraines, and Excedrin is the only thing that works for me.” Telling him the truth, well, a fraction of the truth, felt strange yet relieving, probably because she’d spent so much of her life hiding and lying that the truth was unfamiliar territory. “Needless to say, meds and alcohol? Never really a good combo.”

“You’re drinking now.”

“I haven’t taken any medicine yet.”

“Maybe you won’t have to.”

She smiled sadly. “I will.” A beat. “It’s all I have.” Kaya snatched another piece of her crust and swallowed fully before explaining. “That’s why my sleep schedule, if you can even call it that, is so fucked up.”

He thought about it. “Excedrin has caffeine.”

“An insane amount.”

“It helps your migraines—”

“And keeps me up in return.” When he grew quiet, she offered. “Trust me. The insomnia is much better than the pain.”

“I’m sorry.”

She grimaced, eyes darting in either direction. “Why?”

He sighed and ran his hands all over his face. “That’s why you get so upset when I wake you up.”

“I wouldn’t say upset.”

“You threatened to slit my throat in my sleep.”

“Okay, maybe I was a little upset,” she confessed, and they shared a laugh before his tone grew serious again.

“I’ll be mindful of that.” Head tilted to the side, a sign she was still confused, he continued. “So that you can sleep.”

She smiled teasingly, abandoning the last bit of her food, and pushing her plate to the side. “Is that consideration I hear?”

“It is.”

The way he was looking at her, the lack of typical sarcasm in his tone, it was both welcoming and conflicting. Crawling across the floor, she moved his plate to the side and climbed into his lap.

Hands on his shoulders, she lowered her voice and whispered into his ear. “Well, I’m up right now.”

He made a sound and brought his hands to her hips. “You are.” Her eyes shut when his lips moved to her shoulder. “You should get some sleep.”

Immediately, she coiled back and glared. “Are you serious right now?” He laughed, which only upset her further as he stood up, her legs locking around his waist. “It’s been at least 8 hours.”

“You keeping a timer or something?”

“Look.” She waited for him to place her on the bed before she grabbed the bottom of his shirt and tugging so that he laid back on the mattress. She quickly climbed on top of him. “If there’s one thing I know about us, we are ideal intimate partners. Our sexual chemistry is astronomical.”

His eyes drank her in. “Is that it?”

“Is what it?”

His voice lowered. “Is that all you think we have?”

At that moment, Kaya realized a couple of things. This was wrong. She was suddenly very much uncomfortable. And this was a mistake. This was why she didn’t tell the truth. It meant putting yourself at risk for being vulnerable.

She was never good with that.

Clearing her throat, she climbed off him and flashed a crafty smile. “I’m gonna go shower.” She couldn’t handle seeing his face, so she turned around, purposely pretending she had to look around the room to search for her luggage.

“You should know I hate sleeping with blankets.” Kaya needed to redirect the conversation to another topic. This was becoming all too much for her.

He sat up and rolled his shoulders. “So, strip the bed? Got it.”

“Absolutely not. I could freeze.”

“You just said—”

Kaya stood by the door that led to the living room area and smiled sadly. “I’m a hot ass mess, Chris.” A beat. “The sooner you accept that, the better.”

-------

We need to talk when you get a chance. Please?

No matter how many times she looked at the phone, a new incoming gray message never appeared. She waited and waited, even scrolling up only for it to bounce back with no change.

She missed Nia. She missed their banter. She missed making tik toks with her. And she especially missed the advice giving, of which she could desperately use right about now.

Something was happening between them. With her and Chris. Of which she didn’t know, nor did she understand. It drove her mad because it was a new experience, one where she didn’t feel as though she always had to walk on eggshells.

Being with Chris….

“God.” She ran her hand over her face. What the hell was she doing? She wasn’t with Chris. Not like that, anyway. This was a business transaction. They were both using each other for selfish purposes.

Maybe it was the sex. Nia always warned her that behind every sexual encounter, there was at least some trace of feelings.

Kaya always thought that was bullshit.

Now….now she wasn’t so sure.

“You alright?”

She looked up from her chair and saw Chris walk in. She chewed the inside of her cheek as he sat down in the chair opposite of her. Kaya took in his wardrobe, so casual and laid back. She’d never seen him in denim before, but he looked good.

She didn’t even know the photographer, but she was a fan. A billionaire in Levi’s? Iconic.

“How does it feel to dress like us common folk?”

“Poor.” He winked as she glared. “We should be done soon.”

“Don’t rush on my part. The snacks here are delicious, and who knows, I could play dress up.” She wiggled her brows and straightened when there was a knock on the door.

“Sorry to interrupt,” the photographer spoke up and offered Kaya a friendly smile. “You’re Kaya, yes? I’m Elena.”

Kaya was surprised by the fact that this woman was both speaking to her and actually knew who she was, so her response was delayed. “Yes. It’s nice to meet you.” She offered her hand and noticed the woman was staring at her. Welp. It was nice while it lasted. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized but continued to stare. “It’s just...has anyone ever told you that you have amazing bone structure?”

Kaya sputtered. “Not unless they wanted something from me.”

Elena smiled. “Well, I suppose this is no different.”

“I don’t understand,” Kaya asked, looking over at Chris. He was surprisingly quiet.

“How about we get some shots of the both of you?”

She immediately protested. “Oh no. I—I’m just here for moral support.”

“You did say you wanted to play dress up,” he reminded. She glared. Of course he would choose to speak up now.

She turned her narrowed eyes on him and harshly whispered. “Not while being photographed.”

He placed his hand over hers. “Relax.”

Kaya remembered that they weren’t alone and therefore, had to keep up the act. Even if it was starting to feel less and less like acting.

“I’m used to people watching, not photographing.” He lifted a brow. Laughing, she slapped his chest and took a deep breath. She looked over at Elena. “Will I at least get to see them before you pick which ones to use? If any.”

“Of course.”

Kaya caved. “Fine.” He kissed the top of her head and mouthed a thank you. “You owe me.”

“Sure, I do,” he dismissed, slapping her on her ass as Elena grabbed her to drag her away.

“Time to make magic.”

-----

It was a bad idea, one of many that had occurred, Kaya realized.

When she joked about wanting to play dress—up, she didn’t think that it would actually happen. She didn’t think that she’d become involved in his shoot. Kaya especially didn’t expect to have as much….fun as she did.

And she hated that, too. The fact that she managed to smile and laugh more in one setting than she had in, hell, longer than she could remember. She didn’t like it. She didn’t like it at all.

She really, really didn’t like the way Chris looked at her every time she walked onto set in a new look, and there were a couple of them. The way he focused on her, eyes taking in every bit of her form, all the way down from her shoes up to her hair. Like he didn’t want to look away. Like he couldn’t look away. She despised the way he held her when they were photographed together, often being the reason for her smile or laughter with his comments that he whispered into her ear, sneaking in a kiss against her temple or holding her against him.

It was all so domestic and sweet, and it made no sense.

He was starting to make no sense.

And she especially didn’t understand why she was putting off leaving the bathroom, having sat on the toilet for at least 15 minutes.

As if on cue, two loud knocks on the door pulled her from her thoughts.

“I’m coming, damnit.”

“That’s what you said last time. Come on, Kaya.” She was both surprised and annoyed that it was Chris. She expected it to be members of the glam team that he’d hired to help her prepare for the GQ function he was invited to, and of course, she was forced to accompany him. Turns out he wasn’t just chosen for the cover. He was man of the year. “We’re going to be late.”

“Maybe you should just leave me behind,” she muttered.

“Maybe I can just kick this damn door down,” he countered.

“Then you’ll have to pay for the damages.”

“Then I’ll buy the damn hotel,” he shot back testily. “I’m not going to ask you again, Kaya.”

She scowled and rolled her neck. Kaya knew he was being serious. The bastard could buy his way out of anything.

If only….

Blowing out a deep breath, she swallowed and stood, holding up her dress. It was undoubtedly beautiful, gold, a slit in the middle of her chest and on her left leg exposing more skin than she would have thought appropriate. Her curls were styled in a fancy updo, and her makeup was equally as bold as her dress, finalized with a red lip. She knew that she looked good, and that’s what scared her.

Chris had been looking at her like that all day, and she couldn’t keep handling it.

If she could even consider it handling. Managing was perhaps a better term. Poorly managing was the perfect term.

Kaya ripped open the door and plastered on a fake smile. “Happy?”

And there it was, his eyes widened and softened as he gave her a onceover. “And don’t tell me I look beautiful, cause’ I already know it.”

Kaya figured if she said it for him, she wouldn’t have to deal with the weird and uncomfortable knotting in her stomach that she experienced every time he complimented her.

And it worked, he said nothing, only helping to hold up her dress as they walked to the SUV that would escort them. In the car, she was also pleasantly surprised that he didn’t attempt to make small talk with her during the drive. She was certain, however, that it was because he took at least three different work calls during that time.

She made drafted Tik Toks in the meantime.

When they finally arrived, Kaya nearly ran out of the car right then and there.

“Is that a red carpet?” Her mouth dropped. “What the hell? You said nothing about having to walk a damn carpet that is red.”

He chuckled. Kaya realized his hand was on the exposed portion of her thigh. “Stay close to me, and I’ll take care of you. You’ll be fine.”

Kaya was used to having eyes on her, but that didn’t mean she liked it, especially when it didn’t involve money being thrown her way. “I don’t have to say anything, do I?”

He squeezed her thigh. “You’ll most likely receive compliments.”

“I can handle that,” she spoke more to herself than him. “Just long as no one asks if I prefer cats over dogs or whatever shit they ask.”

He laughed quietly and looked at her. “You ready?”

No. “Yes.”

Chris climbed out the car first so that he could help her out of the vehicle, and as soon as she stepped out, she cursed to herself. There were so many damn people. People taking photographs. People being photographed. People helping both the people the photographed and the photographers. And then there was her. She felt so out of place.

If he wasn’t already holding her hand, she would have grabbed for his.

Kaya used her left hand to hold up her dress, while making sure that she stayed close to Chris who led the way, smiling for the camera while sparing her glances every so often to assess her level of comfort.

Kaya played along, evoking a smile as she posed with him for a few photos. That’s when it started again. Like the photoshoot from a few hours ago, she found herself feeling less forced and more comfortable. Like, it was natural.

Like it was real.

Kaya was eventually allowed to stand to the side as he gave a few interviews, some in English, most in Italian. She’d meant to ask him earlier when the hell he learned to speak so many languages. This was the third she’d learned of. She had a feeling at least one or two journalists asked about her, because he would look in her direction and shoot a wink or something of the sort.

Her smile was a natural reaction.

The process was less daunting than she anticipated, not that she’d ever admit that to him. It was once they moved inside that Kaya realized they’d yet to reach the hard part. That hardest part was “socializing” with the guests, many of which were white, spicy white at best. She spotted some minorities but found that they were just as distant as the rest.

The vim of the event was welcoming, however, which confused Kaya to some extent. She simplified it down to the event was nice, the people were trash, and Chris was both an ass and a gentleman for forcing her to come.

He’d introduced her to a few people, most of which spoke poor English. That, she could acknowledge, was nice. Not the strained English, but his obvious concern for her wellbeing. He was going out of his way to make her feel as comfortable as he could.

It was also irritating because it resurfaced those damn knots.

They were seated at a table, and he was texting someone when she leaned over and tugged on his sleeve. Kaya also took a moment to appreciate how nice he looked. The man was something sinful in a suit. “I think I know him.”

He looked up, immediately locking his phone. “Who?”

She gestured with her chin. “The guy over there talking to the girl with the green dress. But don’t look at them.”

His eyes lifted to the ceiling. Right before he proceeded to look right in that direction.

She laughed despite her irritation. “What did I literally just fucking say?”

“I’ll never understand why people want to do something without actually doing it. I don’t have the time.” She shook her head. He was so impatient. “And how do you know him?”

She lifted a brow. He asked with a newfound sense of urgency. If she didn’t know any better, she would have guessed it came from a place of jealousy.

Kaya studied the stranger across the room again when her eyes widened. “I know. He’s that actor from that porn movie we watched.”

“We don’t watch porn, Kaya. We make it.”

“Stop it.” She leaned closer, hating that her smile contrasted the frustration she felt with how vulgar he was speaking in such a public setting. “And you know the movie where they…..ya know, basically the whole time, and he kept asking in that godawful delivery, are you lost, baby girl?”

Her equally terrible impression caused him to laugh quietly. “I think that is him.”

“I told you.” She spoke a little louder than she would have liked due to her excitement at being correct. “He looks better on screen.”

Chris glanced over at him once more and scoffed. “He’s scrawny.”

“Sir, not everyone is like you and built like a fucking tanker.”

“Not my problem.”

Kaya rolled her eyes and gathered her dress. “I’ll be back. I have to use the restroom.” She stood and leaned over, arms around him from behind as she whispered. “Try not to be too much of a dick while I’m gone, okay?”

He turned to look at her. “And where’s the fun in that?”

Turns out finding the bathroom was a harder task than she’d anticipated. She’d asked one of the servers while maneuvering through the crowd, but it also turned out that Kaya wasn’t the best with directions. She did find it, though.

Eventually.

Kaya was navigating her way back to Chris when she was stopped by a man in a suit along the way.

He was of average height, average build, and average attraction. She was immediately annoyed.

“Hi,” Kaya greeted with a tight smile.

“Hello,” he smiled. Add in average dental health. “You are very beautiful.”

Kaya realized he didn’t have an accent, either. American, most likely. “Uhh, thank you.” When she moved to walk past him, he blocked her. “Sir, I really should—”

“How much?”

Her eyes darted to either side. “I’m sorry?”

“Money is no issue, as I’m sure you can see, and I’d like you for a week.” He stepped closer, bringing his hand to trail it down her arm. “Longer even, perhaps.”

“Sir, I have no idea what you are talking about, and please do not touch me.” It wasn’t so much of a request as much as it was a demand. “Now, I really should—”

“You’re not American.” Kaya continued to be confused as hell when his eyes lit up with excitement. “That explains why you look so exotic.” Confusion easily morphed into rage as she finally caught on to what he was referring to. “I bet you feel di—”

“You’re disgusting,” she hissed, pulling away from him. “I am not a fucking prostitute—”

“Call it what you want, girl,” he dismissed. “I don’t judge. I can pay you well.”

“Go fuck yourself, you sick son of a bitch,” she cursed, turning away when he grabbed her arm. “Let me go.”

“You think that you’re special?” He’d taken on another tone, one that conveyed his anger at being rejected. “The fuckin’ stall I just pissed in is worth more than you, bitch.”

Kaya refused to allow him to see her cry, but she’d be lying if she tried to say that his words didn’t sting, especially his next verbal attack.

“You can slap on that expensive dress and let Hemsworth make you feel special, but I know, you know, and everyone else in this fucking place knows that you’re nothing but a cheap, illegal whore—” Panic arose when he moved his hand to the exposed skin of her thigh, squeezing tightly. His hand started to inch upward when Kaya acted on instinct. He cursed aloud while Kaya gasped as she realized that she’d silenced him with her fist dead square in the middle of his face. “You fucking bitch!”

Shock and fear took over as Kaya gathered the bottom of her dress and ran, as much as the gown and her heels would allow, that is. Certain he was going to chase her for retribution, she consistently looked back, unaware that she needed to be just as aware of what was in front as what was behind.

She shrieked and immediately went to pull herself away from the strong body she’d collided with.

“Kaya.” Refocusing her attention, she looked up and realized it was Chris. “Where the hell—” He stopped amid his statement when he took in her appearance and realized that she was crying. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” Kaya looked down, speaking more to herself than him. Not that it mattered. He was judging based on what he saw instead of what she said. He’d learned by now that her words rarely matched the truth. “Let’s just go—”

“Kaya,” he repeated, softer. Chris brought his hands to her face, forcing her to meet his gaze as he asked again, slowly. “What happened?” A strike of anger flashed in his blue eyes. “Did someone touch you?”

“No,” she answered, quickly. Too quickly.

The anger escalated exponentially. “Who? Tell me.”

Kaya could have slapped herself. She wasn’t helping the situation. She was making it worse. “It doesn’t matter, I hit him, and now he’s probably going to sue you—”

“Where is he?” Chris was looking behind her, eyes flaming. He was livid. “Show me. Now.”

“No.” Speaking was becoming an increasing challenge, especially against the backdrop of overwhelming emotions. Everything she’d been feeling, preventing herself from feeling, and afraid to acknowledge was gradually bubbling to the surface. “Just—just let me go back to the hotel. I’m messing everything up for you.”

He calmed for a second, realizing what was happening. Chris was unfamiliar with this side of her. Unfamiliar with seeing her so vulnerable. “What?”

Kaya suddenly realized that her eyes were burning again. She was fighting back tears. “I’ll give you back the money for the day, it’s—it’s fine, you’re better off without me here—”

Her offer to pay him incensed Chris. This wasn’t about the money. It stopped being about the money a long time ago, even if he hadn’t realized that until today. “I don’t want the fucking money, Kaya.”

She shook her head and closed her eyes. “Don’t—don’t say that.”

“Why? It’s the truth.”

“Please,” she plead. Control over her emotions was a battle she’d all but lost at that point. Her words, she was certain, would be next.

He raised his voice. Chris sensed, saw that she was uncomfortable, but he also realized that this was what she needed. A push. “Why?”

“Because this all about the fucking money, okay?” She matched his volume, accepting that her tears were going to fall no matter how much she willed them not to. She’d lost the war. “It has to be about the money, because if it isn’t then that means you care, and—you can’t, alright?”

He studied her, wondering if she realized this conversation was difficult for him too. He brought his hand to the side of her face. “Why is it so impossible for you to accept that I fucking care about you?”

She looked up, glistening eyes and wavering voice. “Because then I have to admit that I care about you too, and I can’t do that.” She spoke to herself, as if vocalizing it would cement a decision that was already out of her hands. “I won’t do it.”

“Why?” He pressed. Chris brought his other hand to the other side of her face, cupping it and moving closer. He gave zero fucks about where they were and who could have possibly overheard. “Why are you fighting this so hard?”

She pulled herself away from him, back colliding against the wall as she blurted, “because all I do is hurt the people I care about alright?” In that moment, Kaya realized she was so far gone that the point of return was no longer an option. Her mouth trembled as she struggled to form her next sentence, listing off names with her fingers as props. “Mami, Papi, Nia. Hell, my own brother is dead because of me.” A beat. “I’ll only hurt you, and I care about you too much to do that.”

“Kaya—"

A newfound heaviness started to weigh upon her chest, another blockade to her speech. “I’m standing here in a dress I can’t afford, a building I can’t even fucking pronounce, and with a man I don’t deserve.”

His voice lowered. “Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, I don’t deserve you?” Kaya looked at him, her eyes softening before she squinted, her face scrunching up in obvious pain.

He took note of this. As invested as Chris was in finally getting Kaya to open up about how she really felt, her wellbeing would always be his primary concern.

“Kaya.” He placed his hands on her waist, steadying her. “What’s wrong?”

“I—” She blinked several times, blinding lights obscuring her vision. “I—can’t—" Kaya felt the firmness of his chest, inhaled the scent of his cologne, and heard her name on his lips before everything faded to black.

-----

She awoke on her side, body clutched against a pillow, and a thin sheet covering half her body. Never one to take her time returning to her senses, she forced herself to sit up, eyes still scrunched from the sleep.

Looking down she realized she was dressed in only one of Chris’s dress shirts, her dress discarded.

Memory returned as Kaya replayed the events that transpired prior to her slumber. The photoshoot. The party. The asshole.

Chris.

“I don’t care. Tell them to send it in the mail or something.”

She recognized his voice traveling from the living room area, prompting her to swing her legs over the bed, her toes submerging into the soft carpet. She’d never been in such a fine hotel where the carpeting probably cost more than six months’ worth of rent on her one-bedroom apartment.

“Evans, I don’t give a flying fuck about any of that right now. You can handle it. I don’t care.”

Kaya contemplated remaining where she was, eavesdropping without being detected. She quickly decided against it. She’d done enough.

Her feet carried her out of the room, and she stood in the doorway where she saw he was standing against the massive window that provided a breathtaking overview of the city.

Again, she considered leaving him be, but he either had exceptional peripheral vision or caught her reflection in the window because he spun around. Kaya’s eyebrows furrowed when she realized he was still dressed in his suit, with the expectation of the jacket and dress shirt which were both discarded, leaving the white undershirt.

Uncomfortable with the way he was looking at her, more concern than that, she settled onto the sofa, pulling a decorative pillow to her chest as she crossed her legs.

“I have to go,” he spoke briefly before pulling the phone from his ear and hanging up.

Kaya swallowed. He’d yet to speak, so she took the opportunity to do so. “Still don’t believe me when I said I’m a hot mess?”

“What happened tonight, Kaya?”

“Which part?” She knew that playing coy wasn’t the best route, but she was forever stubborn and would fight until she had nothing left. “Where I ruined your evening, assaulted a millionaire, told you one of my deepest secrets, or fainted in your arms? There’s a lot.”

“All of it.”

She looked away and licked her lips. Kaya felt cornered, absolutely trapped. Emotionally. She’d always assumed being physically stuck would feel far more suffocating and frightening. She was wrong.

Kaya considered her options, though far and few in between. She could deflect. She was a master at that. She could redirect blame onto him. Call him out on even making her go on the trip, for not telling her ahead of time what to expect, maybe throw in a few insults. And lastly, the most frightening of them all, she could be honest.

That was the scariest of them all.

“I lied to you.” The words spilled out before she realized it, but Kaya accepted the fact that she was tired. There was only so much she could carry, and she’d reached her limits. “My—my parents aren’t dead. They still live in the same house in Parlier that I grew up in with Denes. He’s—he was my brother.” It felt strange talking about, verbalizing what she’d quietly struggled with for so many years. And yet, there was a peace that accompanied the release. “He was such a beautiful little boy, but….different. He didn’t talk much, life skills were….hard for him, and he had these fixations on certain things. He didn’t like change.”

“Kaya, you don’t—”

“When I was eleven, and he was eight, my parents found out they were pregnant. They’d been trying for so long….they were so happy.” She roughly wiped at her face to do away with the silent tears that fell. The crying, however, was inevitable. “One day, they had a checkup appointment, and the babysitter fell through, so they asked me to watch Denes.” She nodded slowly, reverting to the same rush of emotions she felt that day. “I was so….mad, because my friend had just gotten Guitar Hero, and I was supposed to walk down to her house so we could play it.” To that day, Kaya felt a strong surge of rage whenever she ran across a throwback picture or read an article referring to that game. It was a trigger.

“My parents promised that I could go when they returned, but I just couldn’t wait.” Her nose turned up with disgust, disgust directed 100% inward. “I just had to go play that stupid fucking game.”

“Denes loved birds. They were one of his fixations. They think—they think he saw one outside our living room window or something and walked outside to see if he could catch it because, of course, I forgot to lock the front door.” She stared off into space before closing her eyes. “I had just walked into my friend’s house when I heard someone scream like I’ve never heard a scream before.” Kaya tugged the pillow closer to her chest and lowered her head. “I ran back so fast because I thought—I thought I could help him. I thought I could save him.” Her voice cracked. “—But there was so much blood, and he was so hurt—he died in the middle of the street, bleeding, terrified, and it was all my fault.”

Chris closed his eyes and shook his head. “Kaya—”

“They never found the driver,” she added quietly, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “The shock of it all……it was too much for my mom, and she miscarried.” Kaya laughed, but there wasn’t a trace of humor. “I spiraled after Denes passed. Everything bad and terrible I could get myself into, I did. I—I skipped class, I partied, I drank, I tried drugs.” She scoffed. “I lost my virginity when I was thirteen to some guy whose name I still don’t know because I was so drunk.” She leaned back into the sofa, staring at the intricate pattern of the rug. “I just—at the time, I thought if I did enough, I could make my parents hate me, because it’s what I deserved. But for everything I tried, they kept giving me chance after chance.”

“So, then I attempted suicide, twice, and I couldn’t even do that right.” She groaned and wiped at her eyes again. The cuffs of the shirt were nearly soaked. “I realized that God or the universe or whomever clearly wanted me to suffer and to live with my guilt, but in the midst of trying to punish myself, I failed to realize that all I’d done was cause my parents more pain.”

“Day of my high school graduation, I woke up at the crack of dawn to pack up my bags, told my parents that I was going out with some friends, but I’d be home by 7—and I haven’t seen or spoken with them since.”

She clapped and lifted her hands. “And there you have it. You’ve now seen me naked; you’ve seen me cry, and now you know that I’m a murderer—”

“You’re not a murderer, Kaya,” he was finally able to complete his sentence, still very much in shock over what she’d disclosed. “And what happened to your brother wasn’t your fault.”

Chris watched her demeanor soften, shifting from her previous facetious tone to a more somber tone. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“I’m saying it because it’s the truth. You were a child.”

She shrugged sadly. “So was he.”

“That still doesn’t make it your fault.”

She turned away from where he sat across from her. She hadn’t even realized he’d moved from his initial position by the window. Untangling her legs, she moved the pillow to the side and stood in front of him. “Why are you so nice to me? You should be running for the hills.”

Chris brought his hands to her waist and pulled her in between his spread legs. “Why do you keep asking questions you already know the answers to?”

“Even after everything I’ve done?” She whispered, emotion betraying her for the umpteenth time that day. “You—you still—you still feel….like that about me?”

“You’re stubborn, impulsive, argumentative, flippant, and undoubtedly one of the most complicated women I’ve ever met.” He slowly stood up, never once breaking eye contact as he cupped her face, fingers brushing away the dampness of her flushed cheeks. “And yet, seeing you smile is the highlight of my day.”

She chuckled and nervously cleared her throat. “So, was today subpar? Like, medium light? Half-light? It all went downhill after 12pm.”

He shook his head and kissed her forehead. “You are, in fact, a hot mess.”

Her fingers grasped at his sleeves. “I really am sorry about ruining your evening.”

“You didn’t ruin my evening, Kaya.” He brought his hand to her hair, pushing back the tendrils that had fallen from her updo. “Thank you for opening to me. I know that wasn’t easy.”

“It’s a lot easier opening up my legs,” she muttered, watching as he closed his eyes. “I’m sorry—you’re right. It’s—it’s not easy, and I don’t like talking about….feelings.” Her eyes lifted as she chewed on her bottom lip. “But, I do have feelings for you.” She shut her eyes and licked her top lip. “And there’s something else I need to tell you.”

His gaze softened. “Anything.”

It was so simple, the opportunity was available, the setting was perfect. She’d already told him the hardest part, now all she had to do was tell him the rest. The problem though, was that what she’d shared hadn’t changed much. It only helped him to understand her better. It would potentially improve their relationship.

This would destroy it.

She cleared her throat again. “If you tell anyone I’m capable of crying, I will smother you in your sleep.”

He chuckled and kissed her temple. “It’s late. I’m going to shower.” He studied her. “Try not to get into any more trouble, yeah?”

She smiled softly. “I make no promises.”

He gave her side a gentle squeeze before yawning as he walked back into the bedroom. Finally alone, she fell back onto the sofa and hugged the pillow against her body. Kaya felt both disgust and frustration. If there was a perfect moment to tell him, that was it, and now it was gone.

She was running out of time

-------

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[thecrownnet]

From the period-specific tunes of “The Crown” to the surprising instrumental reworkings of modern pop hits in “Bridgerton,” this season’s Emmy contenders in music supervision showcase the growing field’s continued influence.

Alexandra Patsavas

“Bridgerton” may give veteran music supervisor Patsavas her best shot yet at an Emmy thanks to her clever use of chamber music-style covers of modern pop songs, which help trace the emotional journey of Daphne and Simon (Phoebe Dynevor and Regé-Jean Page) in Regency-era London.

The Vitamin String Quartet’s renditions of Ariana Grande’s “Thank U, Next,” Maroon 5’s “Girls Like You,” Shawn Mendes’ “In My Blood” and Billie Eilish’s “Bad Guy,” along with Duomo’s cover of Taylor Swift’s “Wildest Dreams,” sent streaming numbers into the stratosphere soon after the Netflix series debuted in December.

According to Patsavas, discussions about “how a period project could be relevant and inviting,” musically speaking , began months before shooting with producer Shonda Rhimes and series creator Chris Van Dusen. Says Patsavas: “How could the source [music] moments be seamless, presented with a wink and yet still feel appropriate to the beautiful costumes and production design? [Listeners] might sense that they knew the song, but it wouldn’t be an immediate recognition. You’d hear the lyrics in your head.”

Another cover was tailor-made by score composer Kris Bowers, playing piano, and cellist Hillary Smith, of Celeste’s “Strange,” for the couple making love for the first time. Not all the music is faux-classical. Many numbers are the real thing: selections by Mozart, Beethoven, Haydn, Vivaldi and Chopin are also heard in the background of “Bridgerton.” Themes in Bowers’ dramatic underscore were inspired by Ravel piano pieces initially suggested by Van Dusen. Patsavas, who is now director, music creative/production for Netflix, is a trailblazer in the music supervision sector, with early credits on “Grey’s Anatomy” and the “Twilight” films. She has three Grammy nominations and eight more from the Guild of Music Supervisors but has never won a major industry honor.

Maggie Phillips

Kansas City in 1950 is the setting for the fourth season of “Fargo,” and that time and place influenced many of music supervisor Phillips’ choices of songs.

As Phillips explains, show creator Noah Hawley sends her (and composer Jeff Russo) his scripts six to eight months prior to shooting. “He writes with music in mind,” she says. “He gives us some initial jumping-off points, me for listening and Jeff for writing.” To wit: Hawley had Duke Ellington’s Jazz standard “Caravan” in mind for the opening of the season’s first episode, which chronicles the history of ethnic businessmen during the first half of the 20th century. Phillips licensed the Ellington tune as the centerpiece, and Russo adapted the music into different period-appropriate arrangements over the first 20 minutes.

Not all the music needed to be specific to that period, though. Jazzman Art Blakey’s “Moanin’” dates from 1959; Willie Dixon’s “Insane Asylum” from 1968; and Johnny Cash’s “What Is Man” from the 1970s. Says Phillips: “It’s important to capture the emotion.

Jeff Richmond

Richmond, composer-songwriter-music supervisor on “Girls5Eva,” is no stranger to coming up with songs in a hurry. “All those years of writing pastiches and jingles and musical numbers on ‘Saturday Night Live,’” he says. “The train is moving, write it quickly, get a demo out.”

The Peacock series imagines a short-lived ’90s girl group plotting a comeback after a rapper samples their one big hit. It fell to Richmond to re-create that decade’s “girl-power ballad” style for the song flashbacks as well as the new tunes to drive their hoped-for resurgence.

Creator Meredith Scardino’s early scripts had “pieces of songs,” and at first, Richmond says, “we didn’t necessarily know if they were going to be full-length.” “Dream Girlfriends” was designed as a big comeback number, but “Space Boys” was a comedy cutaway and “New York Lonely Boy” was a minute-long song playing in the mind of Dawn (Sara Bareilles).

Many were penned by Richmond and Scardino, but as Dawn begins to write her own material in the series, “we knew that the arc of the music should be a little more honest, sound a little more like Sara’s songs would sound.” So she began contributing too, and the finale song, “4 Stars,” is hers alone.

The pandemic complicated the process, as Richmond was writing and producing in his home studio, sending music to arranger-mixer-guitarist Hanan Rubinstein for improvement, the cast was often singing live during shooting (and tweaking the vocals during post-production), and Richmond was adding strings — all recorded remotely — for the final mix of songs and score. “Things got very hectic,” Richmond says.

Sarah Bridge

Season 4 of “The Crown,” which focuses on Princess Diana’s time in Buckingham Palace, featured more songs than in previous years. “It’s a natural progression as we step into the ’80s, but also the introduction of the younger generation of the royal family becoming center stage,” says music supervisor Bridge.

Photo: Ollie Upton/Netflix

The opening and closing of Episode 3, as Diana celebrates, and later regrets, her marriage to Prince Charles, is especially compelling for its use of Stevie Nicks’ “Edge of Seventeen.” At first, Diana is euphoric, and she and her flatmates dance to it in a nightclub. Bridge persuaded Nicks to let the production access her raw vocals, heard a cappella under the end titles.

Says Bridge: “Hearing the power and fragility as well within it, it really reflected where Diana ends up. It felt a perfect end-credits moment, to leave it in a kind of isolated, lonely feeling, reflecting Diana’s emotion and where she is at the end of that episode. Stevie was really happy for us to feature it.” That same episode features Elton John’s “Song for Guy,” as Diana dances herself into a frenzy. Bridges re-recorded “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” for a scene where Charles and Diana are touring Australia, and gained permission from Andrew Lloyd Webber to re-record “All I Ask of You” from his “Phantom of the Opera” with a 28-piece orchestra for Episode 9, as Diana presents Charles with a tape of her performance of the song.

*Emmys Nominations-round voting begins on June 17, 2021.

[withabackpackandcamera]

September 22nd, 2020

Day 9: The Rainy Road Back to Anchorage

Today was Cynthia’s day. After conquering her most difficult and strenuous hike ever, I promised her that we could do whatever she wanted to do today. So, after we cleaned up the cabin, packed the car, and checked out of our cabin, our first stop was Resurrection Art Coffee House, a cool, trendy, and cozy coffee shop located inside of an old church right off the main road in Seward. Cynthia had found this place online prior to our arrival in Seward and yesterday, while driving around looking for breakfast, we briefly stopped by before deciding on getting food at Safeway. But today, we actually dropped in and hung out in the coffee shop for a couple of hours. 

Lounging in Resurrection Art Coffee House was actually quite nice! Not only was the vibe pretty neat with its inside aesthetics, big space, and the artwork laid out all around the shop, but the pastries and drinks there were delicious too! While Cynthia ordered, I looked around for a seat and luckily found some soon-to-be-open couches next to a large window upstairs that people were about to vacate. It was the perfect place to sit and chill as we ate our super delicious and flavorful blackberry rose vanilla scone and sipped on some hot London Fog. Oh, what a nice, chill, lazy morning. I can see why Cynthia decided to do this after a long day of hiking. Much needed and highly approved.

After we lounged for an hour or two, we decided that it was finally time to move on with the day given that it was already the early afternoon. We drove through Seward and toward Lowell Point because it was an area that I had marked on my map to check out. Originally, the plan was for us to check out the tide pools there but because of how horrible the weather was, we just drove out there to see the area before driving back into Seward. We also tried to see if there was a short walk or hike we could do while there but given how far the hike started from the parking lot and the fact that the weather was crappy and we didn’t pay for parking, we decided not to go for it and just turned around. 

Before leaving Seward for good, we stopped by the downtown one last time to actually stop by and look at some stores during their operating hours instead of after they had closed. We went into a couple of stores and looked around at the different gifts and merchandise they were selling. One store that I really enjoyed going into was The Ranting Raven Gallery, not because the artwork on display and on sale was that cool or anything; rather, it was because the store owner was very nice and we had a great and very informative conversation about the current state of Alaska and everything going on in the state. I always enjoy the opportunities I get to chat with locals and learn about their world from their perspective as I know that most things they enlighten me with are topics that I never would have learned about elsewhere when traveling or when at home. 

After stopping by The Ranting Raven Gallery, we stopped in a few more stores before hitting the road back toward Anchorage. On the way back, we briefly visited Moose Pass, a very small town right off the main highway. It was pretty small and there weren’t too many things to see there. However, what I did end up doing in Moose Pass was walking to the edge of town toward the water where I had previously caught a glimpse of a parked float plane. I walked over, looked at it from a distance, and took a few photos before making my way back to the car. 

Once we left Moose Pass, we drove on toward a small town called Hope, located at the end of a highway that branched off from the main highway. My first task once we got to Hope was to watch some of the Lakers-Nuggets Game 3 since there was cell signal in the area. I watched the game until halftime or so (they were playing pretty poorly, so I got disheartened) before stepping out of the car to explore Main Street in Hope. The old-looking buildings along Main Street seemed like they were preserved from a distant era of time and looked pretty cool. So I walked along the street both looking and appreciating the historic buildings around me. Because there wasn’t much else to see in Hope besides Main Street, I went back to the car, where Cynthia ended up staying, to start the real drive back to Anchorage. 

Because there were some very dynamic cloudy scenes on the way back, I took a couple of opportunities to get out of the car again to snap some quick photos before booking it back to Anchorage because it was getting darker quickly. During this drive, the rain started to come down again and continued until we were essentially back in Anchorage. It was one of the rainier drives we’ve had this entire trip. Once we had arrived back in Anchorage, we stopped by Spenard Roadhouse for dinner before dropping off our car at Enterprise. At Spenard, we ordered their Baby Back Ribs and Korean Tofu Rice Bowl. The food was great and we really enjoyed what we ordered. And because we had some leftovers (common theme this trip), we were able to take that home to enjoy later. 

The last task of the night was to return the rental car since we didn’t need it for our last day in Alaska. We returned the car and key and then took a Lyft to The Voyager Inn in downtown Anchorage where we checked in for our last night in Alaska. Because it was getting late, we decided to take it easy and rest in our large hotel room rather than do any night explorations, instead holding that off until tomorrow because we had the entire day to explore Anchorage. . 

5 Things I Learned/Observed Today:

1. Chugach National Forest is humongous and is the second largest national forest in the country. As you drive through south-central Alaska, you repeatedly see signs for the national forest everywhere! Supposedly, it is larger than the state of New Hampshire (at around 5.4 million acres) and is the furthest north and west of the country’s national forests. Because it is so far north, about 30% of the forest is covered in ice. 

2. Resurrection Bay is a fjord. I love fjords. They look so cool! But are hard to capture on camera...

3. The town of Seward was named after Secretary of State William Seward because he helped with the purchase of Alaska from Russia in 1867. Its population is around 3000 people as of the last census in 2010. Because of the Gulf of Alaska nearby, despite having a subarctic climate, the Seward area has more moderate temperatures than would be expected. And Seward’s economy, as you can guess based on its location, is driven mostly by commercial fishing and seasonal tourism with many businesses closing shop after the summer peak season, just as we saw and experienced.  

4. After talking to a local shop owner in Seward, here is what I learned (from her perspective): Supposedly, the Alaskan governor is a “Trump Wannabe”. Essentially, that meant he was doing a terrible job and making decisions that would likely benefit a certain group of people that didn’t need more benefits and not helping out those people that actually make up the entirety of the state’s population. In one example, the governor supposedly made a decision to dig deep into the Alaskan Permanent Fund Dividend to give too much money to people who didn’t necessarily need it, thus depleting the fund’s money that could otherwise have played a vital role in financing more important tasks and projects like strengthening Alaska’s infrastructure, fixing Alaska’s roads, and funding higher education. 

5. Apparently, there has been a long, ongoing battle between locals and the government/private companies (in this case, the Pebble Mine Company) for the rights to dig for gold and copper at the mouth of a river where big salmon runs happen annually. As you can see there, there’s a very clear dilemma. And because of how corrupt the higher-ups are in Alaska and in the company, the conclusive decision about whether to dig or not has been crawling closer and closer to benefiting the private companies who want to get richer. That is, until recently, when video and audio leaked out revealing how corrupt and horrible the executives at Pebble Mine were. For more information, check out this article: https://www.cnn.com/2020/09/25/politics/alaska-pebble-mine-executives-legislators/index.html

[cxhnow]

Chloe x Halle Are Ready to Reintroduce Themselves

The sisters' latest collaboration with Fendi is a testament to their infinite creative potential.

Chloe and Halle Bailey, the sisters behind the R&B duo Chloe x Halle, are at a point in their careers where they're completely and confidently in control. It was evident from the moment they teased their debut single, "Do It," from their second full-length studio album, Ungodly Hour, that the two sisters who were once known for their dazzling YouTube covers of precious pop songs were entering a new and more grown-up musical era.Following the back-to-back releases of stunning music videos and accompanying awards show performances for the singles "Do It" and "Forgive Me," the sisters forayed into another artistic realm—this time, creative direction—displayed in their new campaign for Fendi. Handed complete creative control, the duo showed off the brand's beloved Peekaboo bags with ethereal imagery that is simultaneously sexy yet subdued, much like the sisters' own aesthetic as they enter young womanhood and reintroduce themselves to the music industry and world at large. And by catching the eye of an iconic fashion house, they further proved they aren't kids on YouTube anymore."We've always loved Fendi. I feel like everyone does. And we were really excited when they approached us to do this campaign and how we were able to do it all from home," Chloe tells BAZAAR.com. "We wanted it to feel really flirty, like the Peekaboo purse. We thought, What song do we have that really feels playful and fun and it's teasing you at the same time? And we ended up on 'Busy Boy.'"

In the Chloe x Halle-curated campaign video, the two pose on their now-familiar backyard tennis court (the setting of most of their at-home performances and photo shoots amid the coronavirus pandemic), as well as in the pool and behind a lush tablescape. They wear frilly ruched maxi dresses, platform heeled loafers, and printed boxy blazers juxtaposed with layered nameplate necklaces, chunky belts, and, of course, Fendi's Peekaboo handbags.

"We were like, 'You know what? Let's do it in our backyard, let's make the tennis court more of the aesthetic this time.' Usually, with our live performances, we'll just convert the tennis court into a live stage or something," says Chloe. "But this time we said, 'Let's just take advantage of the tennis court theme and our pool.' And we just had really a lot of fun. My favorite part of the shoot was putting the purse in the water, and then still being able to use it now, because it's dry and all right."

Fashion has served as a vital tool for the sisters in helping curate the sleek and futuristic feel of their new Ungodly Hour era. Their style, their music, and the album's overall narrative all needed to be cohesive and relay a similar message: that young Black women are beautifully complex. It's an ethos that is equally evident throughout their art, minds, and beauty.

"For Ungodly Hour, we realized when we finished it that the messages are much more grown," explains Halle. "We now officially feel like we're coming into our own as young women. I'm 20, my sister is 22, so we wanted to reflect that we are young women and be in the looks that we have for this album. That's why there was latex.

"And even for the album cover—I don't know if you could see, but the chrome wings were very important to us, because we wanted to show that even though women can still be angelic and fragile and beautiful ... we can also be strong and sexy and all of those beautiful personalities that come with being a woman," Halle continues. "So we just wanted to show both sides of everything, that we could be multilayered."

Chloe and Halle say they had zero reservations when it came time to release their new, more mature music into the world. If anything, their revamped image and sound organically reflected the growth and changes they were experiencing as artists, sisters, and Black women.

"When it came to this new album and this new look ... we did not really have any fear when it came to it," says Halle. "Because honestly, this all feels like such a natural transition for us. It's just like us turning into butterflies. We're going through these things, the experiences are actually happening to us.

"You know, we grew up on YouTube," Halle continues. "People have been watching us sing since we were 10 and eight years old. So I can completely understand how people would be like, 'Oh, my goodness, I'm just now realizing they don't stay 10 and eight years old forever. They're actually now 20 and 22 years old.' I think it's a beautiful transition that's happened, and I think it's really exciting and encouraging to hear from our peers and our supporters that they understand it and that they are proud of us."

It's evident that Chloe x Halle's new work is resonating too. Just this week, a group of dancers performed breathtaking, socially distanced choreography to the duo's track "Baby Girl" in honor of the countless number of Black women whose lives have been lost either to police brutality or domestic violence over the years. Both sisters were in awe that a song they wrote about heartbreak, vulnerability, and loneliness would translate to such a meaningful soundtrack for a larger movement.

"[The video] was one of the most incredible feelings," Chloe says. "We were on Instagram and Amandla [Stenberg] DMed it to us. She was like, 'Did you guys see this?' So I watched it, but then I kept going back to it. I remember the first time I saw it, it made me cry. Seeing the mural of all the beautiful women who have lost their lives. And it just was really inspiring.

"Now, 'Baby Girl' has a completely different meaning to me, even when we were the ones who wrote it," Chloe continues. "And before, I would listen to that song and I would feel really discouraged and I'd need to uplift myself and remember, no matter what you go through, no matter the trials and tribulations, you will rise on top. It's your world. It's okay."

"I remember when we made 'Baby Girl,' in Malibu, and we were just emotionally feeling insecure and needing just words of encouragement," adds Halle. "So the words in that song became a mantra to ourselves, to our hearts, our own hearts. The fact that people can feel lifted up by those words and create something that beautiful, it blows my mind every time. And it makes me so grateful and blessed to be able to be a storyteller.

"When you're trying to release art and music during a time like this," she continues, "it's very interesting, because you think to yourself, 'Will this be healing? What can I do to use my voice? What can people take out of this? How can this make them feel better?' I feel like collectively as a Black community, we are all grieving together. During [times like now], music has always been our savior. "

These new chapters in Chloe and Halle's work represent a new era of growth. Their success thus far stems from their inner confidence; they look to themselves as the ultimate sources of inspiration.

"I love how you can see how [we've grown] through the art. With our first EP, Sugar Symphony, we were so young. We were just getting our little feet wet with actually being proud of the original music we were making," says Chloe. "And then up to now, we're feeling competent in who we are as young women and when it comes to our artistry. But now we're learning about ourselves internally and what makes us tick, what makes us happy, and knowing that it's okay to be multilayered."

These recent undertakings serve as a reminder that the sisters are only just getting started. And we're eagerly awaiting the fruits of their endlessly artistic and innovative minds.

[evieveevee]

What We Lost: Returning to Tumblr in 2020

On December 17th, 2018, Tumblr banned 'adult content' across the site, marking the end of an era. The ban was the result of a cavalcade of issues which reportedly made maintaining NSFW content unfeasible for Tumblr. Now, it's 2020. I'm back on Tumblr, and I can't help but meditate on what we've lost both on Tumblr, and across the globe in 2020.

Part One: Tumblr and Adult Content

*Things we lost to the flame Things we'll never see again All that we've amassed Sits before us, shattered into ash

— Bastille, "Things We Lost In The Fire"*

A bit of personal history: Tumblr was the primary community I used in various forms from 2012 onwards, associating with various fandoms, doing what I could to design interesting things. The various communities I was involved in intersected with social justice communities, and eventually I dug into those further and tried to learn to better myself in the process, starting along the path to becoming the person I did.

Part of that process was also learning to love my own body, a thing I was not particularly good at and still struggle a bit with nowadays. One of the ways I did this was by making 'adult content', or more plainly, pornography. It was a unique opportunity to experiment with femininity and sexuality - something I'd been very closed off from as part of my upbringing - in a supportive, fun environment. Experimenting with my self image first in this way, in semi-private, led to me experimenting more publicly and eventually embracing aspects of that as part of my day to day life. That's right: making pornography was part of what led me down the path to figuring out I was trans and embracing that part of me.

Making porn on Tumblr was a great time; the adult content creators and consumers community on the site was largely supportive of queer people and sexuality, different body types, all manner of things. It was - in my experience - a healthy and fun place to be, and certainly one of the better places you could be on the internet for a visual medium like pornography. Tumblr's format made it easy to share both adult content you made yourself, and stuff you were curating. Vex Ashley wrote that "this sharing was so desperately vital for women and other marginalised people whose sexualities are often overlooked or infantilised in media about sex in preference for the tastes of the traditional porn consumer – the straight white guy" in a eulogy and love letter to Tumblr's adult content communities.

Tumblr's format remains novel to my knowledge as well: the notion of having a large image-focused feed which also allows for easy sharing and curation, gorgeous, high resolution pieces and photos to be uploaded with relatively little compression, custom arrangements of photosets, and personalized theming of your blog. There was, and remains, lots of potential for expression on Tumblr., and its focus remains unique. Twitter and Mastodon's focus is on what's written, Wordpress doesn't have the sort of interlinking of blogs that Tumblr does, and Facebook is... Facebook (read: evil).

I think the novelty of that format is what made the announcement of the ban on 'adult content' so impactful. Even looking back at the framing of it is gross: the post posits that 'adult content' is something which is negative, and says that removing it is working towards a 'more positive' Tumblr. There appears to be an attempt to try and strike a balance in allowing conversation about sexuality and such, but this is the killing blow. A huge portion of the community, including countless queer and furry artists, needed to find a new home online.

3 months after the ban had hit, traffic had reportedly dropped off 20%. Recent data from SimilarWeb, the outfit which published that initial data, shows that visits to the site have dropped off a little bit more, but have stayed otherwise pretty consistent. August 2020's data shows about 317 million visits. [1] In other words: any hope that this move would allow Tumblr was dashed. A massive portion of the userbase deleted their accounts after archiving them; Tumblr and the internet at large had lost a massive, vibrant chunk of community, and it was completely in vain.

I lost contact with a bunch of those folks I was following on Tumblr for years. The mass exodus left both people who wanted to find and share artwork and adult content and the people who made it completely adrift. Years later, some artists are still picking up the pieces. Archaic policy like SESTA/FOSTA being brought into the picture has left very few standing when it comes to adult content, Twitter included. Who knows how long that will last? If something happens to change the way that Twitter handles adult content, for example, what options do casual creators like myself have?

Fortunately, platforms like OnlyFans exist. But even those are at potential risk from legislation like the EARN IT Act, not to mention the danger this poses to Twitter and to the internet at large. OnlyFans and its ilk, as they exist right now, are fantastic for sex workers because they offer pay-gating and a variety of features to make sure sex workers get paid. But they leave those of us who want to be able to curate the content they enjoy or casually create their own content freely without real options, and without real community.

We stand to lose a lot, and as always people in the margins will be the ones most impacted: the queer, the people of color, the disabled; all will suffer greatly if adult content is found without a home. Media dealing with queer themes is enough to be considered "adult content" by some and it's not hard to imagine what we could be staring down the barrel of here.

What have we lost in eliminating platforms like this?

Part Two: 2020 and the World

*These are the things The things we lost The things we lost in the fire, fire, fire.

— Bastille, "Things We Lost In The Fire"*

Meditating on what we have lost seems to be a running theme for the year 2020.

January: New Year's Day. In Aotearoa New Zealand, smoke covers the skies from a fire a literal ocean away. The Australian bush has been on fire, part of one of the most and it has turned the skies of a nation not it's own orange at midday, across thousands of kilometers. What did we lose in those fires? What stories and history? What wildlife, what species? What will remain afterwards? What will grow anew?

April: Aotearoa New Zealand hits the peak of COVID-19 related lockdown with the entire nation moved to Level 4, meaning that nothing except truly essential services, such as roadworks, pharmacies, and supermarkets were open. During that time, I thought a lot about how some of my favorite small shops were doing; the bakery with astonishingly good pies, the charming dollar store which always has a few things that catch my eye, the coffee cart near one of the local parks every morning. As a nation, Aotearoa acted early to deal with COVID-19 with a strong hand, and it was risky for all of those small shops across the country. What would we come out the other side of the lockdowns having lost, both in terms of human cost and cost to the places around us?

May: Following the murder of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis Police officer Derek Chauvin, massive protests against police brutality, racism, and white supremacy break out across the United States of America. Daily protests have continued to the time of writing in some cities. George Floyd is one of 781 people killed by police in 2020 at the time of writing in the United States alone [2]. 1099 people were killed by police in 2019 [3]. What incredible lives and stories have been lost in the process? Are those stories being told now? How do we prevent this from happening again? (Hint: defunding the police will be a start, and supporting the cause now is a good choice too.)

It is now September: The incompetence of the US Government has allowed COVID-19 to spread beyond control, leaving tens of thousands of deaths in its wake; lives and stories which must be remembered and their stories carried on by others. The western coast of the United States is on fire, blanketed in smoke and ashes. Massive west coast cities like San Francisco gain an apocalyptic feeling as the skies turn orange, like they did for me in January. Friends of friends lose everything in small Oregon towns. The costs of the prolonged fires will be paid by people all up the coast; it's their health outcomes which will suffer. What will we lose as a result of this in the future? What can we do to make things better?

I want to be clear: this is not a comprehensive list, and is centered around the things that me and my social circles have been aware of and talked about. Even with that consideration, we have to reckon with massive, ongoing, and far reaching concerns. The loss felt as a result of all of the above issues is staggering, and far reaching, and we must fight to ensure that loss is not in vain. Voting alone is not going to solve these concerns, and there's more to concern yourself with than any one person should have to cope with. There's not a magic bullet to solve all this stuff though.

Rather than pretend that I have one, I want to propose a couple things to close this out: one bit of advice, and one plea for yourself and others.

The advice: pick your battles carefully. Pick issues you want to focus in on, and fight for those things to make things better where you live, and in your social circles. Choose things to care deeply about first. Keep caring about them.

The plea: think carefully about the questions I've asked throughout this piece, and think about the things in your life and communities that you have lost. Think about how to make sure those losses are taken with you and learned from; to take lessons learned and better yourself and the people around you. Think about the things you don't want to lose, and how to fight like hell for them.

Move forwards to something, and some place better than where we are now. Stand united with the people around you, and press on.

*Do you understand that we will never be the same again? The future's in our hands and we will never be the same again.

— Bastille, "Things We Lost In The Fire"*

If you enjoyed this piece and want to support my work, please contribute to my Ko-fi. If you are interested in re-publishing this piece on another site, please contact me either here or via my business email.

References

[1] Data provided by SimilarWeb; accessed on 15/09/2019 at 5:30am. (https://www.similarweb.com/website/tumblr.com/)

[2] Data provided by Mapping Police Violence (https://mappingpoliceviolence.com); accessed on 15/09/2020 at 4:08am NZT

[3] Data provided by Mapping Police Violence's (https://mappingpoliceviolence.com) database, downloaded on 15/09/2020 at 4:08am NZT. Count obtained using the following formula:

=COUNTIFS($'2013-2020 Police Killings'.F:F,">=1/1/2019",$'2013-2020 Police Killings'.F:F,"<1/1/2020")

[bl4cklabyrinth]

GiGS October 2020 Cover Feature Translation Part I: Hiro [Vocal] Interview

Disclaimer: Please do not retranslate my work into other languages, as my translation may not be accurate. I am no Japanese or English native.

Photo from here.

Starting things off is a solo corner where I talk to each of them about their latest album “V”.

First up is Hiro, who has been leading MY FIRST STORY as its obligatory frontman.

Not only does he breathe life into their music with his unique, high-toned voice, but he also writes the lyrics to all of their songs. That being said, how did he go about creating this album?

- Hiro, you’ve been writing the lyrics to all of MY FIRST STORY’s songs. Is that something you decided on yourself, or was it something that just came about naturally?

Hiro: I guess I just kind of went with the flow. I’ve always thought that the lyrics should be written by the vocalist, and that the only things I could do in this band were to think of melodies and write lyrics. Because of this, I felt like I had to do what I could. None of the members wanted to write the lyrics either, so I ended up taking on the job. 

- I think one aspect of it is that the words coming from the singer himself are more easily conveyed. Having said that, what is important to you when writing lyrics?

Hiro: They aren’t exactly like the punchlines used in rap, but I try to include words that would catch the listeners’ attention and get stuck in their heads even if they were just doing a quick listen. To incorporate hooks, so to speak, in key parts of the song. It’s words like those that leave a strong impression.

- I think being catchy comes with leaving a strong impression. The lyrics you write also always match the taste and deepen the worldview of the song.

Hiro: I’ve never written lyrics before everything else. I listen to the track first, then I quickly jot down the image that comes to mind and the words I could possibly use in the song. I’m the type of person who decides on a theme before I start writing, so the lyrics I come up with naturally complement the music. I guess my songwriting process is kind of like writing an essay or a paper. I don’t just write whatever I want to say at the time; rather, I set a theme and work from there.

- Some people have trouble settling on an image and take some time choosing a theme. How about you, where do you stand?

Hiro: I probably fall among the quick decision makers, but that doesn’t mean I don’t reconsider my choices and change the theme during the writing process. I listen to the song, quickly decide on a theme, then immediately start on the lyrics. The thing is, it takes me quite a while to continue writing after that (laughs).

- I see (laughs). So is adding lyrics the last step in the production process?

Hiro: Yes. I only start writing after the backing track is completed and the melody is set. For example, when words come to me while thinking of a melody, I would sometimes include them in the lyrics if I like them enough, but I won’t start writing the whole thing until the melody is finalized.

- More than that, it’s impressive how your lyrics reveal your inner weaknesses, your pain, and your negative side.

Hiro: I don’t really mind showing that side of me; on the contrary, I have nothing else to write about. I’m also not very good at writing the inspirational, “Let’s do our best!” type of songs. Coming up with those kinds of lyrics frustrates me and tests my patience so I find them difficult to write. However, I was thinking of adding some of those lyrics in the album. Teru composed “Akashi”, and since it’s one of the more cheerful songs on the album, I thought it would be best to make its lyrics positive. So, I decided to give it a shot.

- With the line “Moving forward in the right direction will be my testimony”, “Akashi” is a song that gives the listener a push in the back. Another thing is that your lyrics have the perfect balance between English and Japanese.

Hiro: I guess you can say I find it easier to write lyrics in English. With English, I don’t have to worry too much about the appeal of the words, and there aren’t as many expressions to use either. With Japanese, for instance, the word “ai” (love) connotes all sorts of things such as “itoshi” (dear/beloved), “koishii” (missed/longed for), and “mederu” (to cherish/admire). With English, however, there’s only the word “love” (laughs). It’s straightforward on its own, and you can get your message across depending on how it’s translated. That’s why it’s easier for me to write in English.

- It just occurred to me that you seem to have the tendency to perceive words based on their rhythm.

Hiro: Ah, you’re right. That’s true.

- In that case, it must be easier to write in English.

Hiro: Yeah. English makes it easy to attach words to a melody in a way that sounds good. It’s nice to listen to a melody that’s in sync with the lyrics, right? Getting results like that is simple when you use English. I also think there are a lot of people under the impression that English sounds cooler. I want to make everything as catchy as possible though, even when writing in English, so I try not to use difficult words whenever I can.

- That’s part of the charm. Even so, you added more Japanese lyrics to “V”, didn’t you?

Hiro: That’s right, I did. We’re a Japanese band after all, so writing lyrics in Japanese is still the ideal.

- It’s an advantage to be able to use Japanese and English in a similar way. Speaking of which, when did you write the lyrics to the songs on “V”?

Hiro: It varies from song to song. I wrote the lyrics to “Underground” about a year ago when it was composed. The way this song was made was unusual. I started on the lyrics early because the demo was up sooner than expected and I didn’t want to have a hard time later on, but as it turned out, I didn’t make it in time… or something like that (laughs).

- I see (laughs). On that note, more and more artists are writing about their thoughts on the coronavirus pandemic, but there aren’t any songs like that on “V”, are there?

Hiro: There aren’t. Actually, some of the songs on “V” were made after the coronavirus started spreading. “Starting Over” was composed quite a while ago, but the lyrics were written around the time the pandemic broke out. Same goes for “Daimeiwaku”. Nonetheless, I never thought about writing a song on the coronavirus. I feel like the nuance of the lyrics would be a little too strong for the album. We wanted the whole album to be poppy and catchy, so adding a song about corona would only get in the way of that. I experienced and thought about a lot of things over the course of the pandemic just like everybody else, but I still don’t know what the right thing to do is, and I felt like it wasn’t my place to write about it given the current situation. It’s okay to talk about it during live MCs and stuff like that, but I didn’t want to etch it permanently on something as timeless as a song. That being said, I don’t think I’ll be writing about corona anytime soon. Even if I were to sing about it, it would probably be expressed in a very abstract manner.

- I understand. Every artist is entitled to their own opinion on the subject, so I think those who choose to sing about it and those who don’t are both doing the right thing. 

Hiro: I’m in no way trying to invalidate those who sing about corona. As you mentioned, it’s all a matter of perspective. I don’t like singing about topics that directly concern the world… like political discontent. It’s difficult to write about those kinds of themes; I’d rather write lyrics that express my thoughts on a variety of themes and hope that those who are listening can relate them to their own feelings and sentiments at the time.

- There certainly were songs that resonated with me when I listened to them as the pandemic went on, even though they were about something completely unrelated to it. Now that we’ve talked about the lyrics, I’d like to ask you about the songs. How was the recording process for this album?

Hiro: I was away from MY FIRST STORY for a while since quarantine started and I couldn’t hold shows or go to the studio. A long time had passed since I last recorded, so in a good way it felt like I was singing someone else’s songs. That was good for me, because it naturally set forth a new direction and brought out singing techniques in me that I had never used before. Still, I wondered what would happen if I made those kinds of songs with MY FIRST STORY, so I consulted with Nob and our engineer to see how it would turn out. I asked during the recording session, “How would it sound if I sing it like this?” Everyone thought it was unexpected but good when I tried it out, so we just decided to proceed in that direction. It’s this kind of approach that led to more versatile songs this time around. I’d like to believe they fit in with the current era where listeners look for all sorts of things in their music.

- The fact that you were able to present multiple facets in a single package proves that you produced something next-level. “Unexpected but good” is great, because the appeal of a song is more important than the direction it takes.

Hiro: I’m not so sure about that. Most of the songs on “V” were made by Nob, so they were kind of like “Nob’s vision + myself”. It wasn’t all me. I’m glad it all worked out in the end.

- You need a great deal of singing experience to be able to adopt that kind of approach, so I’m sure you sing a lot of different songs on a regular basis. Come to think of it, in the interview with your instrumentalists for the GiGS September 2020 issue, it was mentioned that you sing quite a few songs at karaoke after your live shows.

Hiro: I do (laughs). I find other people’s songs more fresh – or rather, more refreshing. Unlike MY FIRST STORY’s songs, I don’t get the chance to perform them very often so I can sing them pretty casually. I love it. That’s why I sing a ton of artists’ songs when I go to karaoke.

- About singing casually, you’re the type of person who likes to have fun while singing other artists’ songs and doesn’t always stick to his own style, right?

Hiro: Right. To put it another way, there’s a pattern to those who always choose to stick to their own style. I believe that each song has its own merits – ballads, for instance, have a certain charm to them. If you ignore that and sing every single song in the same way, those listening will eventually get bored. Of course, there are advantages to doing that as well, but there’s a part of me that wants to make the most out of things and try different forms of expression in my songs. That’s been in my mind for a while now, and I feel like I was able to expand my range even further with “V”.

- The variety of expressions and range of the songs are wider than ever and they’re really worth listening to.

Hiro: There’s this thing the members often tell me: “Whatever song it may be, it will be MY FIRST STORY as long as Hiro is the one singing”. Teru was the first person to tell me that. He said that around 2 to 3 years ago, and from then on, I stopped being so conscious of my own identity. That was the biggest thing that helped me expand my range.

- Truth be told, the entire album has a touch of Hiro’s personality, all the while showcasing its breadth. Now, if you had to pick a song from “V” that left a strong impression on you, what would it be?

Hiro: There’s really a ton of them this time. It’s like Nob had a theme for each song when we were working on “V”. There were songs that paid homage and some that had a subject matter. I didn’t really pay attention to it, but I was able to see that person’s point of view and the music he’s playing objectively, so I have a strong sense of trust in that. The songs on this album were all new and innovative, so as we got to the later songs, I got a little confused about how to sing them and that made recording pretty difficult. Nob and our engineer pulled it off really well, and I believe we ended up with great results. Among those songs, if I had to choose one that left a particularly strong impression… “Aikotoba” was probably the hardest one to make.

- Bringing something new to the table, “Aikotoba” is a song that has a guitar-rock lyricism to it that’s a bit different from the symphonic ballads you’ve done in the past.

Hiro: That’s true. This song needed to be sung with a nuance that hadn’t been there before. I listened to a lot of music under the so-called guitar-rock genre, and that was the best way for me to get rid of my own tendencies. At any rate, I had to be mindful of singing the song smoothly.

- There are many other notable songs as well. For example, I was strongly drawn to your voice in “moonlight” that seemed to transcend even gender.

Hiro: From the moment I heard the demo for “moonlight”, I knew I wanted to put it in the album. It had a lot in common with “mine” from the “Mukoku” single (2019.8.14) which I thought was a must-have in this album, so I had to make this song just as compelling. I enjoyed recording the song, and I had a great time writing the lyrics as well. I honestly thought that I would struggle with the lyrics, but everything went smoother than I expected, so I have to say that I had the most fun working on “moonlight”.

- We haven’t seen much of it in MY FIRST STORY’s discography so far, but it’s great that you’re able to enjoy songs like this now. 

Hiro: I was a bit surprised myself that I was able to make “moonlight” so easily. I’m glad that I discovered a lot of things I wasn’t aware of during the recording of this album, and I’m sure this will continue on for MY FIRST STORY in the future.

[edharrisdaily]

Ed Harris talks Kodachrome, Westworld and the state of America

Riding high with his killer role in television’s Westworld, Ed Harris continues to bring the flinty characters that have been the hallmark of his career to the stage and the big screen.

Ed Harris has become something of a symbol for the single-minded American man. He’s used his resonant voice and intense blue-eyed gaze to play cowboys and astronauts, soldiers and sheriffs, artists and assassins.

That means he’s worn many hats: a beret as Kristof, the genius reality-television puppetmaster in The Truman Show; helmets – diving ones and space ones – in The Abyss and The Right Stuff respectively. The latter, in which he played Mercury astronaut John Glenn, proved a career breakthrough: a shot of him as Glenn made the cover of Newsweek just as the real Glenn headed into politics.

There have been plenty of Stetsons, too. He wears a big black one as the merciless Man in Black in the television series Westworld. That character could be a distant relative of the black-hatted title character he played in 1987’s Walker, the craziest movie of his career – well, until last year’s Mother! – about the American who appointed himself president of Nicaragua in the 1850s. It lives on in cult infamy.

On the line from New York, Harris laughs at the millinery-oriented overview of his career. “Ha, ha, ha. I just like wearing hats – especially as I don’t have any hair on top of my head.”

In his new film, Kodachrome, he sports a jaunty Panama to play a famous photographer who embarks with his estranged adult son on a road trip from New York to Kansas, to the last laboratory still processing the colour-slide film of the title.

It’s a relatively low-key role for Harris, not least because his prickly character is dying. “It was a great character to play. I had a really good time doing it.”

He is a man who, it must be said, sounds much friendlier than some of the characters he plays. “How are things in New Zealand?” he asks. Good, thanks. How are things in the US? “Good God almighty,” he chuckles. “Pretty pitiful situation, I guess, at the moment, eh? It’s embarrassing.”

At 67, Harris is a man whose career remains on a steady roll. In the past couple of decades, he’s appeared in plenty of big films but also managed to direct two of his own – notably the acclaimed Pollock, a biopic of the abstract artist Jackson Pollock, in which he also played the title role – and spend time treading the boards of Off-Broadway theatres.

When we talk, he and his wife of 35 years, Amy Madigan, are coming to the end of the season of the David Rabe play Good for Otto in New York. They were on stage together in London early last year, too, in Buried Child by the late Sam Shepard, who was also a Right Stuff alumnus. Do husband and wife come as a package?

“We have of late. It’s been really fun, you know.”

Born in New Jersey, Harris was a high-school athlete and football star before he attended Columbia University, and didn’t take up acting until his family shifted to New Mexico. He studied drama at Oklahoma University, then in Los Angeles, where he’s been based ever since.

He met Madigan when they were both cast in the Depression-era film Places in the Heart, starring Sally Field. They’ve since appeared in nine movies together, including Pollock, in which she played art collector Peggy Guggenheim.

The idea for the film was sparked when Harris’ father gave him a copy of a biography of the artist, but it took 10 years for the actor to get it to the screen.

It won him a best-actor Oscar nomination (co-star Marcia Gay Harden lifted the statuette for best supporting actress) and cemented Harris’ reputation as a single-minded tough nut. He famously smashed a chair on set to give Harden’s performance a jolt.

The film took its toll on the Harris-Madigan family finances. “I spent a ton of my own money on that film. You know I didn’t need to, but I had to. So I wouldn’t have changed that for the world.

“I had spent so much time working on developing the script and working on this guy and painting and getting to know people that knew him and getting the rights to his works … I was totally immersed in it. And I didn’t care what I had to do to make the film right.

“I mixed that film twice completely and went to three different composers. I would have done whatever I had to do to get it what I wanted it to be. I didn’t even think about it. I mean, my wife was kind of going ‘Ed, what are you doing?’. But we survived.”

If Pollock was an artistic triumph in step with his challenging stage work, in the movies Harris remains better known as a go-to guy for a voice of authority: in Apollo 13, he was mission controller Gene Kranz (“Failure is not an option”), and he’s played a fair few sheriffs, colonels and generals.

Nasa – the real one – has asked him a few times to perform narration duties on commemorations. He can’t get away from it in the movies, either. When Sandra Bullock’s stranded astronaut calls Houston in Gravity, that’s Harris responding.

“I mean, I am fascinated by space but it’s not something that’s like a major thing in my life.”

Harris’ commanding tones haven’t always been that commanding. “I used to have a really thick Jersey accent when I was going to college,” he says, “and just over the years, you know, part of my craft is to be able to use my voice appropriately for whatever given character.

“And I actually feel really good about the whole vocal stuff in Kodachrome, because it’s lower-register and pretty relaxed.”

The last time he played a dying man on screen – a poet with Aids in The Hours in 2002 – he got the fourth of his four Oscar nominations for it. Playing another one – and another difficult artist – in Kodachrome was harder than it looks.

“He might not be that active but physically it’s really challenging because he’s hurting, he’s aged, he’s frail. His mind is still sharp. Even to play an invalid you have to be in pretty good shape because you have to be able to use your body in a way that allows you do that.”

The film is also a meditation on the cultural change that has come with an increasingly digitised world. So where does Harris, a man who plays a robot-killing cowboy on television, sit on the digital-analogue spectrum?

“I’m a bit of a dinosaur, I’m afraid. You know it’s passing me by big-time. I am decent on the computer and that kind of thing but first of all I really like film films.

“I take a few decent photos I have a great old Leica camera that I actually used in the movie and I’ve taken some pretty good photographs. But I haven’t done much of late. I’ve been toying with the idea of building a little darkroom and getting to shoot some black and white but that’s just in my head at the moment.”

Presumably the photos would go up on the wall chez Harris-Madigan next to the Pollocks he painted in character.

“Well, a couple of friends got some, and one of the things about making that movie was you would shoot what he might be doing on canvas and you see that. But then to save time and canvas they put the camera back on me painting, and I will be painting over stuff that I thought was actually not so bad and just totally f---ing it up. So there wasn’t that much work left that I thought was decent.”

Harris is hoping to direct a psychological thriller based on Kim Zupan’s 2015 book The Ploughmen, about a Montana deputy sheriff and a local serial killer. Until then, Westworld gives him a regular pay cheque and keeps him busy for most of the year. So does figuring out what is going on in the show.

No, he didn’t know the twist about his character – that another regular character in the wild west android theme park was actually the Man in Black too, at a younger age. And that he owns the place. It was all bit of a surprise.

“You never know where they are going to take you. I’ve never worked on something where you find out in episode six something very basic about your character that might have been nice to know in episode one.

“I think they think that it’s going to keep the actors fresh or something. I told them, ‘Well, you know, last year I did 125 performances of Buried Child, and I knew what the script was going to be and what was going to happen with the character, and the 125th performance was just as fresh and alive as the first one. I don’t have a problem understanding and knowing what is going to happen to my character.’ But whatever.”

He’s not complaining. He has steady work in a high-profile show that is kind of a western, a genre he loves. He directed his own very good one, Appaloosa, in 2008. That one featured Viggo Mortensen, Jeremy Irons, Renée Zellweger and no killer robots. In Westworld he’s enjoying being a gun for hire and wearing that hat of his.

“I like putting on my Man in Black outfit. It makes me feel good.”

[helgaw321]

Takeru’s way of saying thank you

“Please be careful on your way home.“

This message, handwritten by him, was shown at the end of his 30th birthday event last year. What a lovely way to end the event, right?

I sometimes think why he’s doing this far for his fans, even after he’s getting more and more famous like now. He can just doing his work as usual, doing movies, dramas, without any interactions with fans, and I’m sure there are lots of people still will watch it. But he chooses to do something extra, through events, LINE, and Sugar, to provide fans some way to connect with him. He always said during the fan meetings, that he won’t be able to reach this far without his fans. So, maybe it’s just his ways of saying thank you to us. What a man.

I think because he understands that not all of us can just go to attend his events, he provides another way to convey his gratitude, and what’s even better, he chooses to convey it through one of his favorite things, riddle :))

(P.S: it will be a quite long post below, you have been warned :3)

First of all, just to avoid any misinterpretations, this is the 30th birthday anniversary book:

This book, or I should say dictionary, consists of every single piece of his work from his debut, be it, movie, drama, photobook, calendar, Taketere, you name it. After you’ve read all of it (it will take around 2 weeks according to Takeru XD), at the very last page, you will find a mysterious content:

You must be wondering what the heck is this, right? Don’t worry, I also felt the same at the first time seeing this XDD

The Japanese words loosely reads as: “My feelings is written at the tip of ......”

Now we have to find a way on how to fill those six words, so we can get the answer based on the highlighted boxes.

If you read the book close enough, you will find out that there are more riddles hidden throughout the pages, and you have to solve each of that, so we will need 6 riddles to fill all the blanks.

(Ah yes, so Takeru has provided the explanations for this riddle in Taketere 64, so you can watch that too~ )

For the first one, letter A, we need to turn the page to p.39:

See something different? As a warning, all of the riddles will be that small XD

Lemme make it bigger, riddle A is: “ ひandまandめ ”.

For this, you’ll need a bit of Japanese knowledge. “and” is “to (と)” in Japanese, so we just need to read that as is, and we’ll get “ひとまとめ (hitomatome)” as the answer~

Move on to the next one, let’s open p.157:

We need to zoom this one in, so here it is:

Recognize something? Yup, so those 4 icons at the corner represent the suits of a card, thus the next step will be easy:

1 = ace = えーす  11 = jack = じゃっく  12 = queen = くいーん  13 = king = きんぐ 

Then we just need to put these in the blanks, read the letters based on the numbers, and we’ll get “jinx (じんくす)” as the answer~

Move on to the next one, p.179:

“What is the animal name in ???“

This one will be a bit tricky. Notice that the letter C is kinda out of place compared to the previous riddle. Actually, it serves as a hint, saying that we have to add some letters around it to make this one more readable. The other hint is lots of “か (ka)”. There is a set of Japanese words that ends with “ka”, and that is the first ten days of Japanese dates (tsuitachi, futsuKA, mikKA, yokKA, etc). Because the last 2 letters are already present, so we just need to add the first letter, becoming like this (tsuitachi - ついたち - 1st is an exception because we need to add 2 letters):

From this illustration, we can see that the answer is “itachi - いたち - weasel”.

And we’re half way already! Let’s take a break~

Okay, so let’s continue with letter D, let’s open p.221:

I really couldn’t solve this one at that time lol. Annoying things about fill the blanks, when you don’t get the theme, you won’t be able to solve it. And for this one, the hint is only those letters....

Thanks for Takeru’s explanation, we now know that these letters represent Japanese era name, and by looking at the letters, the eras we need are (left > right): Meiji > Taishou > Shouwa > Heisei. Put them all into the boxes:

Read it with the given order, and we’ll get: “たんじょう - tanjou - birth” as the answer~

Let’s move to letter E in p.267:

For this one, you actually don’t need any Japanese knowledge, you just need to look at the shapes of the question, and compare with the big picture, so the answer will be taken from 2nd, 9th, and 7th letter, and we’ll get: “じゆう - freedom” as the answer~

Last one! Turn to p.371:

“Name a person who always eats udon as the final dish after eating nabe“

This is another tricky question, and we need to read the book again thoroughly to be able to understand it. Specifically, the hint is written in Takeru’s answer to Suzuki Ryohei’s birthday message:

“saigoudooon“ ---> “saigo (end)” + “udooon“

Got it? “always eats udon as the final dish”

He purposely gives us a word pun LOL.

So the person is Suzuki Ryohei, or rather, his role as Saigou Takamori, which is also called Saigou-don (Mr. Saigou in Kagoshima dialect), so the answer is “さいごうたかもり - saigou takamori”.

So! We’ve got all 6 answers. All we need is go back to the last page, and put all of those letters in the boxes like this:

“My feelings is written at the tip of a tranquilizer gun (the highlighted word is masuijuu - tranquilizer gun)“

That’s it???

Well actually, this message is the final riddle from him. As he said in Taketere, if we really read this book thoroughly and been following his career for years, this sentence must mean something.

Does “tranquilizer gun” ring a bell?

Not yet? Then how about this:

If this doesn’t help either, then you still have homework to do :>

So, yes, because we need to look for this gun picture in the book, the fastest way is to go through AJIN section, and look for any gun picture.

But there’s nothing about the gun in AJIN section...

There is this cute “frozen” Takeru and Ayano Go tho XDD

Let’s open the book again from the beginning.. So before the start of the whole list of his project, there’s this page called PLAYBACK, which contains the photo summary of all of his projects. If we look at this page thoroughly... FINALLY we’ll find a gun picture, and this is the proof:

“written at the tip of a tranquilizer gun”

So we need to look around this picture to find out, if we zoom it in:

“大好き。“ - “DAISUKI.“ handwritten by himself.

😭😭😭

Still not enough? Actually he still has more to give us. Go to this website, input the answer (ますいじゅう), and hit submit (送信).

Then, when the next page appears, enter the page of the message, because it’s on p.16, so input “016”, and hit submit again.

You will get a zoom-able Playback cover picture. Find out the message in that picture, and click it. If you are lost, just find that Nagai picture or look at this guide (circled red):

Has the picture loaded? 

Yup, we will get ANOTHER thank you message 😭

"Thank you for reading '13years～TAKERU SATOH ANNIVERSARY BOOK 2006→2019～' until the end. Please look forward to the 30-year-old-Satou Takeru!"

Isn’t he just too sweet? 😭😭😭

[shefightslikeagirl]

CORSETS AND STRIPED STOCKINGS: OUTFITTING THE ASYLUM FOR WAYWARD VICTORIAN GIRLS by She Fights Like A Girl

These articles are best viewed on desktop, but are mobile friendly. Please excuse any strange formatting on your phone browser or the Tumblr app.

This article was longer than intended and image-heavy, so it’s been split into two parts.

PART V: AN ASYLUM MUSICAL

“And if I end up with blood on my hands, Well, I know that you’ll understand ‘Cause I fight like a girl.” - Fight Like A Girl (2014)

And now we're back to the relatively recent past, when this blog was in its infancy and the fandom couldn't decide whether to stick with the forum or run rampant on Tumblr. Fight Like A Girl (the album) was still being recorded, but Emilie did a few live dates Down Under and decided to feature the title song from the unfinished album.

To my understanding, the Harvest Festival was another one of those concerts where the show was considerably downsized because of the cost of shipping props and set pieces. But where the South American tours hadn’t pulled back in the wardrobe department, the Harvest festival did. Emilie and the Crumpets performed in one costume for the entire set. But to make up for the lack of glam, EA debuted the first costume of the FLAG era.

This costume was worn for the cover art of Fight Like A Girl, and acted as the signature corset for the very first Fight Like A Girl World Tour (2012). 

“Asylum Secrets: All of my costumes over the years have been made to look as though someone had been murdered in them and come back from the dead to enact a fabulous revenge. To achieve this, I have employed techniques from melting fabrics with an industrial strength heat gun to spraying them with solutions that no human should ever breathe. In the case of the corset pictured, I burned it mercilessly with sticks of incense before painting the fabric to make it look moth-eaten.” - EA on the creation of the FLAG corset (June 25, 2018)

Speaking of the 2012 FLAG World Tour! While there were a lot of changes from The Door Tour and Harvest Festival, this tour is probably best remembered as a transition phase between eras. There were new costumes, but… the Rat Queen still introduced the show with 4 o’Clock. There were new set dressings, but… the shadow scrim was still main stage center. The new corset was mixed in with the Rat Queen ensemble and the structure of the show hadn’t changed terribly. New, but… kinda not?

Except for that Warrior Mohawk, of course.

Upper: WVC content / eBay listing photo. Lower: Making of the Warrior Mohawk from Emilie’s Flickr account.

This is the only tour where Emile wore a mohawk for the entirety(-slash-majority) of the show. Later concerts would see her removing it after the third song. There was some slight skepticism in the fandom with its debut, sparking discourse about everything from cultural appropriation to thematic relevance, but EA didn’t make much comment on the criticism.

“[The Warrior Mohawk] signified the transformation from victim to warrior. I feel that it is important for me to let go in order that I may go on to transform yet again and create new bits of wearable magic to surprise you with... This headpiece symbolized the birth of a new era in the Asylum…. This is the headdress of a tribal Queen…” - EA, 2012 eBay auction description.

“The Mohawk headdress represents the tribal, wild element of the sisterhood that formed during the imprisonment of the inmates, and shows that, once we escape and are on the rampage to take down our oppressors, we have indeed transformed from individual, helpless victims into a strong and beautifully terrifying tribal warriors.”  - EA for Natalie’s World, 2013 (x) (x)

Another costume that debuted on this tour was the MC of the Ophelia Gallery, who had his own brand-new number: Girls! Girls! Girls!

And as for its history...

(My best guess is that this photo originated in 2009, based on her hair.)

This character is a hint at the structure of the tour (and album) to come, where it would be less about the mad girls existing inside the Asylum and more about the story of how they got there, and what happened once they were interned. Allow me to stray from the costuming topic for just a moment…

A TANGENT: OF STAGE SHOWS AND ASYLUM CONTINUITY Spoiler filled ramblings of a long-time fan.

I’ve got a running theory that The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls, in all its forms, runs in parallel to the concerts. But they match each other in reverse. [Spoilers for the book to follow.]

Emilie’s first concert of the Opheliac brand was in a small venue in Chicago, alongside Lady Joo Hee. In The Asylum… book, Emily-with-a-y’s final days in the Asylum were spent with Sachiko (a character based on and formerly named Joo Hee). 

The Opheliac shows of 2007-2011 were all about the women in an Asylum singing songs and welcoming others home. Cannibals, ballerinas, pyrate captains, nymphomanics -- they all ran rampant with no apparent oversight except from Emilie herself. Rats crept and crawled onstage unbothered; toys, crumpets, and cupcakes were in abundance, often served alongside “tea,” and there isn’t a single cell door in sight.

Especially in the earliest days of the concerts, the set design had an emphasis on appearing hand-made -- not only because it was, but because it should be for these girls. This was the world EA branded for herself: a world of freedom, without judgement, earned by their own hands.

In The Asylum… book, after the Inmates take over and kill the doctors, this is very much what they do: impersonate medical professionals and welcome sick and not-so-sick girls home to protect them, nurture them, and give them the best life that the Victorian Age fails to do. They take over the Asylum and make it their own.

Then in the FLAG performances (2012-2014), the storytelling shifts. EA’s Asylum world is no longer loosely themed with inmates running amok, but adheres to a more rigid storytelling structure, detailing the struggles and despair of the girls locked up in The Asylum(-with-a-capital-T). It mirrors the bulk of the content in The Asylum… book. The carefree, whimsical stage dressings shift to bars -- a representation of the cells and gates in The Asylum. There might be a bear tied to a dreary grey harpsichord; you might even see a single rat scratching about. But they don’t have dominion here. There’s no freedom. Just the story of the girls trapped behind the bars.

And now we’re stalled on both sides of the street. We’ve met in the middle. The concerts started at the end of the book, and ended at the beginning. 

Ok, I’ll put my soapbox away. Let’s get back on track.

BACK TO BUSINESS

Where were we?

Oh, yes: Girls! Girls! Girls! and new costumes.

So let’s jump forward a little more, because there isn’t much else to say about Emilie’s costume style in the 2012 FLAG World Tour. Moving on to the 2013 Fight Like A Girl: North American Tour (and following European and Australian tours), a brand new show was brought to the stage. Full new stage set-up, new costumes, and a full new setlist. 

A costume I’ll be referring to as the “armored corset” replaced the moth-eaten FLAG ensemble in the opening number. Both Maggots and Veronica were given new costumes as well, replacing the costumes they had worn for years. 

Armored Corset, with varying amounts of sparkled (2013)

Maggie Lally; Captain Maggot / Captain Maggots

Veronica Varlow; The Naughty Veronica

The show design of this tour had Emilie in the armored corset with the mohawk for the two opening numbers, Fight Like A Girl and Time for Tea. The mohawk and the armored plates on her chest and hip were removed during the 4 o’Clock Reprise, leaving her without her armor for What Will I Remember? as the narrative moves back to the beginning of the story, before the “Uprising.”

On the subject of the corset: structurally, it was outfitted with snaps to attach the armor and allow for easy removal (see corset detail above, bottom right). The mohawk proved a more difficult challenge to remove, as it was securely clipped, pinned, and secured into EA’s hair. This ended up being corrected in the redesign that produced Mohawk 2.0.

Back to the show! By the time we get to Veronica’s Dominant fan dance, EA has removed the armor corset completely in the interim to prepare for the Girls! Girls! Girls! costume change. After Scavenger, the entire cast changes into Asylum Inmate Rags to perform Gaslight and The Key, and then changes back into full costume for the finale. Emilie wears the full FLAG ensemble from previous tours to close out the show, with varying headdresses. 

But I’m skipping over something important.

The Scavenger.

Inspired by Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal, The Scavenger, a vulture-esque representation of Dr. Greavsely, appeared onstage for Scavenger. 

“This is the start of the original costume @maggotmagpie wears in our show, the one Greavesly wears in #AsylumMusical will be bonkers…” - EA on the Scavenger (February 7, 2016)

EA on Twitter/Twitpic 2012 (x)

The Scavenger was usually worn by Maggots as part of a stilt-walking performance, but if the venue couldn’t or wouldn’t allow for stunts onstage, Emilie would appear alone in the costume for the number. 

Scavenger has plenty of different “shows” (A show, B show, and C show for my theme park friends), with “A Show” being Captain Maggot on stilts.

Note: The Atlanta show featured here is a bit strange, as it uses the Stage Screen and the Asylum Bars during a tour that doesn’t feature the former. Emilie also isn’t in the normal costume for this number, using a personal scarf to cover her bloomers and bra.

“B Show” would be Emilie performing as the Scavenger, due to venue restrictions. This was actually the way Scavenger debuted, until Maggot’s first performance later in the tour. (See pictures and even more info here.)

“C Show” would be Moth’s performance in the final set of Fight Like A Girl tours, as seen below:

(There’s also “D Show,” (ha) which is this random dude performing as The Scavenger. I’ve yet to figure this out, but my guess is it was a technician stepping in at the last moment or a friend of EA from Oakland.)

Last, but not least, are the Asylum Rags. You’d think there wouldn’t be much to say here, but there is. Click on the continue link below to learn more about tattered costumes and the rest of the FLAG era, because Tumblr only allows 10 pictures per post.

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE.

Fly back… PART I: Enchant and the Faerie Queene PART II: Drowning Ophelia PART III: Vecona, Seamstress of the Asylum PART IV: Wayward Victorian Girls

Remember to visit Part III and enter our giveaway! Ends 12/1/19.

[SEE ALL CREDITS AND SOURCES HERE.]

[dasha-aibo]

My dream started with snow falling in August. While rare, this is something that HAS occurred in Russia before, so my first thought was to take a snap and post it on Tumblr to freak you guys out.

That didn't work out, because I died. Or rather was dead for a while now and didn't even realize that because of how monotonous my life have been lately. The first clue was the Devil coming in disguised as a colorful salesman who was trying to swindle me out of something immaterial for useless tat. I saw through his disguise abd forced him out of my apartment.

It was then that I noticed that the outside of my apartment didn't look right either. It was all dark with neon lights everywhere and definitely not an inside of an old Stalin-era complex. I tenatively went out and met a maid who takes care of the place and what looked like a rift in reality. I stared at it for a few seconds and just bluntly asked why nobody questioned something clearly paranormal. And I got my answer. We were all dead.

I slowly started to grow fond of living in this weird limbo. Neither heaven nor hell, it looked like a gigantic sprawling hotel/apartment complex with differently-themed sections that represented different types of people that lived there. Everyone got a room to themselves that was shaped by who they were before dying. Mine was full of dust, ancient photos, dirty dishes and broken down electronic gadgets in a state of half-repair. I didn't really question it or pondered on the meaning. Instead I got to know my neighbors.

The two main friends I made was an aviation engineer living in what looked like a tacky nightclub, permanently in the state of after-party cleanup and a teenage girl who lived in a 70s disco lounge, also by herself. The girl was killed by a maniac along with her parents at an ice-cream stand and she was very distraught that she couldn't find them here. The aviation guy just deflected any questions as to how he died.

Humans weren't the only inhabitants of this weird place. There was a couple of insect creatures living together that I went to play cards with. They took some of my hair if I lost. There were also other, more dangerous creatures who couldn't double-kill us, but it didn't stop them from trying. The aviation guy built weird Giger-esque contraptions to either tame or subdue them and I helped him with the hunts, mostly because it was fun. One day I found a door at the end of his club that lead to an old military-style air hangar with dozens of planes covered in white sheet. I also found the Devil here, now looking more like Baphomet, who nursed one of the creatures with his tit. The Devil sneered at me, but otherwise did nothing. The aviation guy shrugged this off as well.

And so our life after life continued. We solved some mysteries of the inhabitants, like a pizza place being used as a cover for some gladiatorial arena where rich people made grunts fight to death for their own amusement. It was full of cryptic codes and was really fun to pursue, but in the end, everyone involved was already dead. The best we could do is just isolate and ostracize them, I guess.

We also did street racing. Indoors. Somehow. The aviation guy made an absolutely ridiculous contraption that involved live rats being strapped to the hood and it fell apart mid-race and made the proud ace driver we challenged laugh so hard he refused to take our payment for losing.

The view out of the windows was fake and there wasn't that many windows to begin with. I never reached either the top or the bottom of the building, preferring to stay close to the people I liked. I spent a lot of time self-reflecting on my life and molding myself as a person.

So yeah. That was one hell of a dream.

[spamzineglasgow]

Bon Iver’s hauntological i,i (William Fleming)

Image Copyright: Bon Iver / Jagjaguwar 

In this essay, William Fleming takes a detailed look at bon iver’s new album, i,i: through acid communist hauntology to oedipal melancholia and the future’s cybernetic fracture. 

> This week I’ve been reading Mark Fisher and listening to Bon Iver’s new album on repeat so I combined the two.

-

> Mark Fisher, in his Ghosts of My Life (2014), laments the dearth of creativity in popular music after the turn of the century, the loss of experimentation and of hearing something New and Radical, and the persistent replication of past methods, sounds and images. Fisher was no Adorno though (I don’t think anyway?). His essays are emotive and developed from a deep desire for a compassionate politics; Ghosts evokes the pathos of his seminal Capitalist Realism (2009). One of the key themes associated with his work on pop culture, is the use of the Derridean term ‘Hauntology’: the haunted ontology of futures that never came to be, the spectral disturbance of time and place as the possibility of political becoming dissipates. As he details in Ghosts, Fisher initially used hauntology as a genre-defining term for music. He identified artists which were 'suffused with an overwhelming melancholy; and they were preoccupied with the way in which technology materialised memory', this results in us being made 'conscious of the playback systems’ and of ‘the difference between analogue and digital’, 'hovering' out of reach behind the media’. Fisher uses this conceptual framework to analyse a raft of musicians and their work but there is a consistent emphasis on the political narratives of class and race which shape these cultural offshoots.

> Despite being one of the biggest records of this summer – and thus perhaps a bit bait for me to discuss? – Bon Iver’s i,i bares all the hallmarks of the hauntological genre: melancholia, the clash of digital and analogue, anachronism, the suggestion of political solidarity, artistic experimentation.

-

> First a confession: I first listened to Bon Iver because, in 2011, there was a girl on twitter I fancied who posted a video to Birdy’s Skinny Love. Birdy’s rendition is a wisp of a song, sad and grasping and completely lost on a shallow sixteen-year old and probably rightfully so. Failing to select the next song, I’m guessing Bon Iver’s original version played. For the first time I felt I’d discovered adult Sad Music. None of the ghd straightened, dip-died, angst-ridden emo tunes I’d gotten into a few years prior to impress my first girlfriend; or the one ballad acting as the penultimate track on one of the indie-rock albums from my older brother’s excessive collection. (- Does anyone know how to recycle these properly?). I would wallow in performative sadness playing immediately gratuitous and instantly gratifying XBOX games, quickly repeating the heartbeating guitar of Lump Sum on For Emma, Forever Ago or the wails of Holocene from Bon Iver, Bon Iver as I pined for my yet-to-be second girlfriend.

> I went off Bon Iver for a few years: these days, the quiet acoustic melancholia of these first two albums doesn’t fit with any aspirational sense of masculinity of mine. Being a man and being non-toxically emotional isn’t about listening to acoustic guitars and barely audible snares whilst you lie sulking in your room or on the drizzled walk to the library or job you hate. Instead it’s about communication, solidarity and empathy – ‘I’d be happy as hell, if you stayed for tea’. And so, when 22, A Million came out I was into it. Everyone thought it was a bit shit the first time few times they listened to it but this gave me cover to pretentiously purvey that they just didn’t get it and listen to it over and over. It was still the same anguished voice of Justin Vernon – but it was finally coming to life. Revived through stretched synthesizers, neologisms which made you question the contributors on A-Z Lyrics, and deconstructed bass. The piano riff on 33 “God” interrupted by alien helium-infused voices and the stammering, looping saxophone of 45 are still highlights. Listening now, 22, A Million initiated the hauntology of Bon Iver.

-

> At times, i,i feels like Bon Iver’s latest album is a playback of their first album, but one done through a signal sent by an analogue walkie-talkie found on the abandoned spaceship from Alien: Isolation – itself maybe the most harrowing video-game I’ve ever played, one which is played in constant anticipation of being found. Listen to the intermittent signal of Holyfields,: the bleeps and radio fuzz a beacon we sent out into space, only for it to sporadically and hauntingly talk back at us – a cultural SOS signal.  

> i,i is the same guitar riffs from albums one and two but cybernetically fractured through time. The same syncopated kick drum but ripped out from the mid noughties and dumped in a Iain M. Banks novel or an episode in Love, Death + Robots. Fisher, quoting Derrida, quoting Hamlet: ‘the time is out of joint’. In these time fractures, it’s not just the music’s original location which is torn into the future, but also objective fragments of past culture: the sax (Sh’Diah) and violin strings (Faith) torn from eras when politics and music were still intertwined.

> The first track on the album, Yi, is garbage. But it is orbital astro-garbage – a notable anthropocenic feedback loop! – sitting uncomfortably at the stratosphere of an album which explicitly reflects on ecological destruction. Yi’s inaudible conversation and the ‘Are you recording, Trevor?’ set it up as a soundcheck for the album too. Including a soundcheck evokes Vernon’s emphasis on the album as a performance piece in the accompanying mini-documentary Autumn. In the doc, Vernon mentions the problem of ‘How is it going to be played live?’. Immediately, we are forced to imagine i,i as more than just another album on Spotify.

> Yi bleeds into iMi, a psychedelic echo of a track built from interspersing a melancholic vocals/arpeggio combo and an encroaching synth/dub beat combo. We is similarly eclectic, digitalised vocals juxtaposing with endearing, major-key sax. Following is Holyfields,, perhaps the most alien but most beautiful song on the album.

-

> Hey, Ma is the headline single from the album. An ode to Vernon’s mother and a sense of the sunrise walk home after the summer party (I’ll try and avoid further seasonal references: the four albums are set up to represent the four seasons, i,i being autumn, but IMO this is pretty naff).

> There is a sense of time passing in Hey, Ma, a nostalgia for the yet to be – ‘Well you wanted it your whole life’ – but with this passing is a sense of desire – ‘I wanted all that mind, sugar / I want it all mine’ – and of becoming or evolving – ‘You’re back and forth with light’. Becoming is the famous Deleuzean postmodern motif; i.e. being is constantly flowing and reforming. Bon Iver’s becoming, however, is not a flow, but a hauntological wrench into the future state. The entire album feels as though you’re experiencing the tech-enhanced evolution of Bon Iver’s music. That skipping between soft indie and futuristic synth reminiscent of the OG Pokemon games when your Pokemon was evolving and it would flicker between its past and future states. But becoming is never complete. As Fisher highlights, ‘futuristic’ no longer refers to a time/space but is now merely an adjective. We’ll never hear the Bon Iver made entirely on digital tech.

> For Fisher, melancholia is a productive force of political resistance. He distances his ‘hauntological melancholia’ from that of Wendy Brown’s ‘left melancholia’ which ‘seems to exemplify the transition from desire (which in Lacanian terms is the desire to desire) to drive (an enjoyment of failure)’. Fisher’s melancholia, ‘by contrast, consists not in giving up on desire but in refusing to yield'. Under scrutiny, Bon Iver’s first two albums fail this melan-test – they are a spectacular, self-pitying self-indulgence. Self-pity as a common form of masochism. For Deleuze, thinking through Jung, thinking through Bergson (yeap, I know), masochism is always regressive, flipping the Oedipal on its head as a form of un-becoming.

> Is Vernon’s song to his mother a masochistic form of melancholia; a self-pitying reversal of the Oedipal? ‘I wanted a bath / “Tell the story or he goes”’; ‘Tall time to call your Ma / Hey Ma, hey Ma’. The type captured by Maggie Nelson in The Argonauts (2015) when reflecting on Ginsberg’s poem Kaddish, which is dripping in, in Nelson’s words, ‘misogynistic repulsion’. Or is Bon Iver’s a hauntological melancholia? One of stubborn resistance. The type of mother-son relationship photographed by Donald Weber in his response to Alison Sperling and Anna Volkmar’s conversation on the post-atomic (Kuntslicht, 39: 3/4). Weber’s photographs were taken over two years in Chernobyl. The, now fetishised, explosion in Chernobyl perhaps the example of the nuclear, a hauntological theme post-WWII, made material. The bursting of a political, biological and biopolitical reality which was never meant to be. Weber’s photo of a middle-aged man and his elderly mother is captioned: ‘Mothers sought to be photographed sitting close to their sons, in domestic scenes of proud companionability. Their eyes signal an unalterable communion. And more – elevation. A man’s mother transcends the material order, and rises easily above even the most squalid circumstances. It is the frank declaration of her biological supremacy: This is my child’. If it is this relationship captured in Hey, Ma, it may promise a spectre which can be made material. An artefact which can continue its evolution, its becoming. ‘Let me talk to em / Let me talk to ‘em all’.

> Finally, that Hey, Ma’s nostalgia is a culturally productive one is suggested by one of its more memorable lines: ‘I waited outside / I was tokin’ on dope / I hoped it all won’t go in a minute’. In Fisher’s posthumously published Unfinished Introduction to Acid Communism, he, when imagining the process of resistance and a new politics whilst citing Jefferson Cowie, writes 'these new kinds of workers – who “smoked dope, socialised interracially, and dreamed of a world in which work had some meaning” – wanted democratic control of both their workplace and their trade unions’. The curious, outdated use of ‘dope' in Vernon’s lyrics then mirrors Cowie’s use of 'dope', echoing Cowie’s nostalgia for a lost working-class culture of 1970s America. Fisher uses Cowie’s argument to piece together an acid communism, which I will return to, but this, surely consequential, similarity further constructs i,i as a contemporary hauntological album.  

-

> Following Hey, Ma comes the Sunday-school piano of U (Man Like). Raising an image of a crisply ironed, white America, like that depicted in Robert Putnam’s Bowling Alone (2000), which acts as a reminder that nostalgia isn’t always productive. However, the nostalgia is continued with Naeem ‘Oh, my mind, our kids got bigger/ … / You take me out to pasture now’. Fisher asks ‘is hauntology, as many of its critics have maintained, simply a name for nostalgia?’. However, he argues that it is not a ‘formal nostalgia’ but one of solidarity and of a longing for the process of social improvement. Naeem, despite its nostalgia, continues the flickering between hope and despair. The joyful ‘More love / More love / More love’ and ‘I can hear, I can hear’; the anguished ‘I can hear crying’ and ‘What’s there to pontificate on now? / There’s someone in my head’. The latent and angelic child-like choir on Naeem another hauntological theme. As Fisher declares, ‘no doubt there comes a point when every generation starts pining for the artefacts of its childhood’. However, Vernon’s evoking of childhood is one perhaps linked to the, at times damaging, trope of ‘future generations’ in environmentalism. It is still a political longing though – ‘I’d Occupy that’. Occupy: that great post-2008 political uprising which dissipated into a mere exemplar in an undergraduate geography textbook.

> Next, Faith brings back the aliens from 33 “God” but this time, for attention, they’ve brought their clean guitar and slowly morph into the catholic choir we began to hear on Naeem. God died and, despite the sexy, liquidity of our modernity, we miss him.

> Marion momentarily brings us back from the cybernetically fractured semi-future. Back to the £3-coffee coffee-shop where you’re telling your friend that you think you and that girl will probably get back together but you need the time to be right. The hope is sucked back out; we’re back in capitalist realism and Arctic Monkey’s fourth (fifth?) album. Luckily, Salem restarts the signal to bring us back from our self-pity, dragging us to the obfuscation we were enjoying. Salem’s witches are still here and they’re pretty good at Ableton.

> Next, Sh’Diah grows from an autotuned prayer – ‘Just calm down (calm down) / And she’ll find time for the Lord’ - into a yearning saxophone riff/rift. But, alas, RABi, the album’s final song, returns us to a blues guitar and Vernon’s vocals. If the oscillation between past and future throughout i,i was a dialectic, the depressing outcome is ‘consumer capitalism’s model of ordinariness' (Fisher) of the neoliberal present. As in Fisher’s hauntology, the technologically-infused creativity of i,i is a lost future. Watching Vernon being interviewed feels like this. He’s got the Pacific-North-West hipster look: vegan but drives a V6 truck. Goes to the craft brewer’s bar and talks about that latest public health campaign to encourage men to talk about mental health over a pint but refrains from actually talking about depression. (Maybe serving beer in 2/3rd schooners means you never end up getting to the important part of the conversation?)

-

> But why does it matter? Because it’s about political and cultural (and creative) imagination. Fisher’s last big, and tragically but appropriately unfinished, philosophy is that of Acid Communism. Maybe there is a future !

> Fisher mourned not only the flattening of pop music, but also the ‘culture constellated around music (fashion, discourse, cover art)’. In contrast to a digital album which you never perceive in any physical manner, Bon Iver have emphasised various forms of art in their work, ensuring a communal creativity. There are multiple iterations of the album cover art on public posters and on social media. More excitingly though, is the collaboration with WHITEvoid, a Berlin-based sculpture group/company, which is discussed on Autumn. Prepared for live performances, WHITEvoid have constructed an ensemble of floating mirrors and kinetic lighting made from ‘space-age metal’ and motion tracking sensors. An artistic contribution as ethereal and tech-enhanced as the accompanying music and one which aestheticises our material sciences. The lighting provided by WHITEvoid in collaboration with the experimentation in sound system, similarly shown on Autumn, constructs the performance of i,i as an ongoing innovation and experimentation. The effort put into the upcoming live performances of i,i ensure that it is a music to be experienced not merely consumed. In another discussion on Autumn, Michael Brown, Bon Iver’s Artistic Director, says ‘you have to be in the moment with other people, you have to be able to know that the person next to you is having the same communal experience’.

> In Krisis (2018:2), Matt Colquhoun sees acid communism as a “project beyond the pleasure principle” (2) and of an “experimental” politics. If the sounds of i,i are hauntological, then the spectre it suggests is one of acid communism. The acid is provided by its accompanying artistic experimentation and the communism is its emphasis on the political and the communal.

~

Text: William Fleming

Published 30/8/19

[zurichtooslo]

Day 48, 7th Oct, Berlin

This morning I caught a bus around the corner from my hotel. I buy a day card each day, which costs about €7, and it lets you travel on any form of transport all over the city, so great value. Bus 265 took me to where I was going. This bus continues on to Tempelhof Park which is where the huge impressive Russian Memorial is located but I didn’t have time to revisit that today. On the street I came across some more ‘stumbling stones’. These people died in Auschwitz and Chelmno.

This was the building the stones were in front of. The stones are a real reminder of what happened on this spot during the war.

I was in this location as I wanted to see this particular street art painted by the identical Brazilian twins Otavio and Gustavo Pandolfo who are best known for their large-scale installations and murals depicting strangely dressed and unusually proportioned, yellow-skinned figures. Influenced primarily by their upbringing in São Paolo, they first started developing their recognizable style at the age of twelve. I have now seen their work in Łódź, Vilnius, Lisbon, Vancouver and now Berlin.

The U Bahn also rans through this area up on raised lines. I was on my way to the East Side Gallery across the river after seeing the painting.

The Oberbeurn Bridge which is considered one of the most attractive bridges in Germany. The towers were badly damaged in the war. The bridge was one of the dividing lines between east and west. The bridge in East territory.

The river was in East Berlin, as well.

The East West Gallery runs along the river in this area. The birth of Berlin’s street art scene can be traced back to 1961 when the Soviet Union erected the Berlin wall, separating East Germany from West Germany. Due to the symbolic significance of the wall as a divisive medium, it became the obvious place for the citizens of Berlin to express their opinions and frustrations on a whole range of issues. On the other hand, it was also seen as an exceptionally unattractive eyesore that the people of Berlin felt compelled to do something about. During the Cold War, the West side of the Berlin wall was completely covered in painting, unlike the East side of the wall which remained blank, because people in East Berlin were unable to get close enough to the wall to paint on it. Interestingly, since the wall fell in 1989, a lot of new art was added to the East side of wall in the 1990’s, allowing viewers to trace the historical and political change that occurred in Europe by comparing and contrasting the different themes depicted on either side of the wall. 

The paintings seemed a bit different to when I was here before. I know there has been some work done to preserve the almost 30 year old paintings in some cases but there looked to be new ones and not all about the wall.

This one is probably the most iconic. It has definitely been given a facelift. It’s of Breszhnev kissing Honecker.

Some that I remembered from last time were a bit hard to see as there was a new building going up and boards were in place along part of the wall.

Mercedes Benz dominates the city a bit. The company brings in a lot of money as well as owning a lot if real estate. The areana is across the road from the Gallery.

New work like this one was about Amestry International.

From the Gallery I caught a U Bahn then the No. 100 bus that goes from Alexander Platz up the main strip to the Brandenburg Gate. The statues on the River Spree.

One of the Museums in this area.

The Dom.

The University.

The Brandenburg Gate.

Very close to the Brandenburg Gate is the Jewish Memorial. 

It’s just all grey blocks of different heights and sizes on undulating land. Very unique.

From the Memorial I walked to the Sony Centre at Potsdam Platz. I had never seen it close up.

Quite spectacular the space inside.

The roof is amazing. I spent a bit of time in here.

Back on the streets a climate change demonstration was going on. All very peaceful.

Mostly young people there with a big police presence.

All over Berlin you come across information boards about some historical event in the past. The Germans don’t hide their history.

These cars where used extensively in East Berlin and are now a novelty. You can hire them for a ride around the city.

This is part of the wall at the Topography of Terror.

The ballon was taking people up high for a birds eye view.

Wherever the Wall was in Berlin it is now indicated by stone work and bronze plaques.

Checkpoint Charlie.

I took the opportunity to have my photo taken. Usually there are people dressed in Us and Russian uniforms you pay to have your photo with. Maybe they have stopped that.

This is the way it looked in the day. A very tense location.

The sign at Checkpoint Charlie.

This girl had an interesting tale. I came across her putting down a row of dirt and a row of seeds. It symbolises the joining together and growth that comes when things combine. Eg seeds and dirt. She is an artist and tries to do 9 each day. I can’t remember how many she wants to do all up but it’s between her parents home and the refugee camp they were in when they arrived in Berlin from Russia. She was 9 when they came in 1995. She told all about her family and that she doesn’t know whether she feels a Russian or German. A common issue for many new migrants. It’s amazing what you come across walking the streets.

I finally made it to the Jewish Museum. I have never been there before. The front of the Museum is very different from the newer building that houses most of the exhibits.

The Halocaust Tower.

Slanting walls, sharp angles, gaping voids. The architecture creates its own symbolic language for the history of the Jews in Germany. The Axis of the Halocaust and The Axis of  Exile portray the persecution and murder of Jews during the Nazi era, as well as the escape from Germany into exile.

The Garden of Exile is made up of 49 concrete slabs positioned on sloping ground. The trees growing on top are a symbol of hope.

The Memory Void is dedicated to the victims of war. 10,000 heavy iron plates are cut to resemble faces. You can walk on the faces and they give off a clanging sound which is a bit chilling.

The grey futuristic look of the new building which houses most of the museum.

A lighter exhibition of photographs from the West Bank of Isreal was also in the museum.

Some great photos.

The lights in the cafe had Hebrew written inside which made a great pattern with its reflection.

From the museum I could catch the No 248 bus back to the hotel but I went further to Alexander Platz for another look around and then the bus back. Another long interesting day. Heading north again tomorrow on the train.

[markrichardson]

My Year in Spotify Listening

Like a lot of people I checked out the Spotify year-end summary thingy, and since Spotify is only a certain percentage of my listening, the results were surprising, and I tried to figure out what it meant. In general, I listen to new music via iTunes, if I am sent promos. That only encompasses a certain amount of new music of course, but if I’m sent a download, I tend to use that for my listening all year long. Often, I’m “done with” an album more or less by the time it comes out, but sometimes I’ll keep listening (as w/ DJ Koze this year) and I do that with my promo files. My Spotify listening tends to be a mix of things I stick on a few different playlists based on mood or genre, and they could come from anywhere (but they aren’t usually new). 

In terms of my favorite artists (Bill Evans wound up in my top spot, somehow, followed by Joni Mitchell) it was hard to figure out how it’d happened, because I didn’t spend the year obsessed with either. Then I looked at my 100 most played songs, and that did bring back a few things. I’m not sure if the whole list is in order, but the first 5 songs in the playlist are the 5 listed when Spotify gave me my most-listened-to tracks of the year, so I think so? Anyway, that’s what I am going with here. This is how my Top 10 songs show up on the playlist, in order, with one exception: in the middle of the list was Bow Wow Wow’s “See Jungle,” which I already wrote about on Tumblr 8 years ago (and about which I have very little to say now, except that yes I do still listen to this song a fair amount), so I’ve omitted that and included No. 11. 

Wussy: “Runaway” This was my favorite song of the year, it has 600 plays on Youtube and 5,400 on Spotify, which makes me a little sad. Technically it’s not from this year—Wussy put this out on a small-release tape or CD-R a few years ago—but I’m still counting it. This is the rare case where the streaming media playcounts tend to match the responses of folks I’ve talked to about this song—I mentioned to 4 or 5 people, and in each case they said “Yeah that’s kind of nice I guess...why do you like it so much?” I’ll try to answer that here.  

First I should say that I have no real interest in or knowledge of Wussy. They’re an indie rock band from Ohio, most notable at this point for the fact that Robert Christgau loves them, and has written rapturous reviews of their work over the years, which surely has helped them to achieve whatever small amount of notoriety they have. I checked them out here and there but they didn’t make much of an impression on me. I wish I could remember how I came across this particular song, but I can’t, probably either Twitter or a streaming media algorithm. But I loved it immediately, like, stop-what-you-are-doing-and-listen kind of loved. It just clicked. 

The first thing that comes to mind is the chorus: “I love you, let’s run away.” That’s the theme of so many of my favorite songs, I mean, the first album I bought in my life was “Born to Run,” and if you could sum up the first three Springsteen albums in in 6 words, “I love you, let’s run away” wouldn’t be bad. And I think I liked that this song didn’t try for poetic phrasing, just said it in the simplest way possible.

But the romance of a song like this has a shade of darkness to it, and that draws me in even more. Escape is never a long-term strategy. Eventually you have to figure out how to make life work when you’re in the thick of it. So while it’s such an appealing dream to exit the world with someone you’re crazy about, there is a shelf life to that sort of gesture. I relate to this idea of being fed up with everything in the moment and wanting to jump in the car with the only person who gets you, but eventually, the car is is going to need gas. What then? 

I didn’t know when I first heard this song that it was a cover, so the immediate impact of it was as a Wussy song. But I learned that it was written and recorded by another Ohio artist that people in the band had known, a woman named Jenny Mae. She died last year. Pitchfork did a news story on her passing. She was 49. And when I found that it was her song, I listened to her version and I loved it almost as much (but not quite), though her take also made my Spotify Top 20. I did think enough of her version to order the 7-inch, which was her first release. When I read about Jenny Mae’s life, the song took on another layer of meaning. She suffered from mental illness and self-medicated with alcohol. And she was described by people who knew her as brilliant and creative and hilarious but also impulsive and self-destructive. Which for me gives a sentiment like “No one likes us anyway / I hate my job / Sweet, sweet are the innocent / I love you, let’s run away” and “40 ounce between your legs/ Shakin up my heart / Turn around and look at me / Light another smoke” a different tint. These are the kinds of things you say when in the throes of a rush of feeling, but they’re not impulses you can safely follow for a lifetime, even though goddammit, sometimes I want to.

Bo Diddley: “Nursery Rhyme” In Richmond early this year I bought an old Bo Diddley album called The Originator. I saw it in a used bin, it was $20, and, it was pure instinct, I had a feeling it was interesting. For me, buying used records, $20 is a fair amount of money, I don’t pay that for something I’ve no idea about, typically. But something compelled me to pick it up. I was intrigued that it had none of the hits I knew. And I took it home and when I put it on a short while later it blew my mind. This surprised me because on the one hand it sounds so much like the idea of “Bo Diddley” I keep in my brain, the one rhythm we know from the song he named after himself, but this was just so controlled, so well rendered, with so much atmosphere. The whole thing is brilliant. I became particularly obsessed with this cut from the record, and then I started exploring the “Bo Diddley” beat in general, reading whatever I could about it and listening to examples. This kind of random deep-dive is the best thing about the internet era for a music fan. 

Mulatu Asatke: “Tezeta (Nostalgia” At nights when I hang out with my Mom at her condo in Michigan I play music over a Bluetooth speaker I bought a year ago. My Mom’s default has for a while been to put the television on, but at some point I asked her about playing music instead so we could talk or just hang out, and she grew to like it. Sometimes we’ll chat about stuff, and sometimes she will play Candy Crush on her iPad while I do things on my phone, which sounds distant but is actually very comforting to me. One of the things I’m doing on my phone during these evenings is finding songs to play. It’s quite fun (and interesting) for me to say to myself “What is a playlist that would make my Mom happy?” and then try and figure out what that might be on the fly. She was never really a music person so I don’t have a lot to go on, mostly her age, a story or two about a song she liked, and a vague knowledge of what she might have heard on the radio in my lifetime. 

In September, my Dad died, and I stayed with my Mom in her condo for a number of days that month. I felt a strange mix of feelings. On the one hand, he was father, I missed him, I thought about never being able to talk to him again, to not be able to share the things in my life. I thought about the fact that I wouldn’t be able to learn more about his life, my knowledge of which is pretty sketchy. There were all the usual things a person would be sad about. But then there was the fact that he had a severe and debilitating case of Parkinson’s disease for the last eight years, and at times he suffered so terribly. I remembered how on a few occasions he called me while he was delusional, he would tell me that he was sure he was going to die. One time, he told me that he saw someone in the driveway who was going to kill him. Another time, he said that it was hard to explain but that he had been split into two people, and he couldn’t take it, he was terrified. I told him that it would be better tomorrow and he yelled, “I’m going to be dead by tomorrow!” I would get calls like this while I was walking to work in Brooklyn 700 miles away, and I would feel so helpless. And so when he passed, I thought about him during situations like that, and also felt like maybe not he had some peace. 

A night or two after my Dad died I was sitting with my Mom, talking, and playing music. She dug out some old photos and we were looking at them, pictures from her in high school that I had never seen. I wanted to see everything, learn every detail. And over that Bluetooth speaker I was playing some random playlist I had found called something like “Jazz for late night.” I wanted background music. And while we were hanging out and talking, this song came on, “Tezeta” by the Ethiopian jazz bandleader Mulatu Astatke. And man, it’s hard to describe, but the mood of this song so perfectly captured the exact feeling I had. The phrase that comes to mind is “bombed out,” that’s the way it seemed, like I’d been beaten up and thrown in a ditch and my ears were ringing and now I was trying to reorient myself after all that had happened. There was a feeling of weariness and sadness but also a feeling that life continues, that we have to gather our memories and keep on. And this impossibly beautiful song captured every bit of that, the one-chord riff moving ahead, in spite of it all, while the sax line captures all the sadness dripping off everything at the same time. I listened to it constantly in the weeks afterward.  

Galaxie 500: “Fourth of July” (live) One of my favorite songs by one of my favorite band in my favorite version. This song is indicative of how (as with all songs on this list) when I’m in the mood I can listen to one track over and over. On a couple of occasions in 2018, I listened to this maybe 8 or 9 times in a row, immediately hitting “back” when it had finished. And the thing I was typically listening to was Naomi Yang’s bassline, which to me holds the lion’s share of the song’s feeling. Her bass playing in Galaxie 500 is so incredibly emotional to me, and it was never more so than here. 

Pusha T: “Infrared” The one truly “new” song on here.” I didn’t have an advance of this record so I listened on Spotify when it came out and I loved it. And this song in particular seemed so perfect, the carefully constructed rap, executed as if it’s coming off the top of his head, the sample—I listened to this many times in a row on a few occasions, and it also sent me to revisit Clipse, which brought me a lot of joy. 

Joni Mitchell: “Carey” Another song about freedom, but here it’s real. Blue is a perfect record but I probably revisit this one more than any other single song because I’m so in love with the production—that bass, that hand percussion...sonically, an album recorded almost 50 years ago simply cannot be improved upon. I remember hearing this one on AM radio when I was very young. It was a single, b/w “This Flight Tonight,” one hell of a 7-inch. I’ve always thought the picture it painted was so incredibly romantic—”Maybe I’ll go to Amsterdam, maybe I’ll go to Rome / And rent me a grand piano and put flowers 'round my room.” Hey, why not! And if Carey is indeed keeping her in this tourist town, we know it’s only for another hour, another day, another week, whenever she’s ready, she can’t be tied down. But then, that’s the future: this night, now, is a starry dome, and we’re alive, inside it. 

Arthur Russell: “That’s Us/Wild Combination” Sometimes w/ my favorite Arthur Russell songs you can hear the strain as he creates a new genre trying to get a particular unnamable feeling across. But not this one. Sitting in a room with his friend Jennifer Warnes he made a song that feels as natural as a breath. 

Carole King: “Pleasant Valley Sunday” I’m in awe of Carole King’s ability to write songs that sound perfect on the radio. Even if her prime hitmaking years only lasted a bit over a decade, the number of her songs with her name on them that left a huge mark on culture is staggering. Her demo for the Monkees hit “Pleasant Valley Sunday” shows how perfect everything was before the artist who would bring the song to the public got anywhere near it. I found this one on Youtube 8 or 9 years ago and it’s been in regular rotation since. 

Hank Williams: “The Angel of Death” In February and March I was doing research my Pitchfork Sunday Review on Bruce Springsteen’s Nebraska. It’s one of my favorite records, and I’ve wanted to write something long on it for years, so spending time w/ it as the winter wound down was an intense pleasure. It’s common knowledge that Springsteen was listening to a lot of Hank Williams when he was writing the album, and when I came across this song, I became obsessed with it. One, the melody sounds right off Nebraska, and “My Father’s House” (another song I listened to a lot this year) especially seems directly modeled on it. But this song has so much going for it on its own. It’s about death and the moment of judgement, but Hank’s melody and phrasing don’t sound frightened. It’s hopeful, a prayer instead of an admonishment. 

Guided by Voices: “Motor Away” I’ve loved this song for years but I listened to it intently around the same time I was playing the Hank Williams, when I was thinking about leaving Pitchfork. I’ve never been a big fan of Robert Pollard’s lyrics (though I love many of his tunes), but he second line here is the one I couldn’t put out of my mind: “When you free yourself from the chance of a lifetime.” That’s where I felt I was. Editing this music magazine that I cared so much about was the culmination of a dream that took a long time, a ton of work, and a fair amount of luck to realize. When the chance of a lifetime comes along, you’re supposed to hold on to it as tightly as possible for as long as possible, until someone finally pries it away, which will happen eventually. I knew that. And yet, deep down, I knew that after 11 years, I wanted to try something else. Run away, motor away, drive away. Sometimes a song can give you the tiniest push.

[acrosstheboardmusic]

“WILD ONES” ALBUM REVIEW & INTERVIEW: Jackie from Across The Board shares her insights on being the lone wolf who still needs her pack

by Carmen Toth, special to ListenUpIndie!

March 23, 2019

On March 15, 2019, I and 400 other fans had the pleasure of seeing Across the Board do a live debut of their new album “Wild Ones” at The Opera House in Toronto. I was so encapsulated by their stellar performance that I didn’t take a single video or photo the whole time! Luckily, there were a handful of pro photographers there who got some great shots, like this one by Joanna Glezakos:

If you’re a fan of 80s era inspired pop-rock like me, I can pretty much guarantee you’ll enjoy “Wild Ones,” the latest offering and fifth album from Across the Board. I find their sound to be like a unique fusion of 70s/80s rock like Stevie Nicks, Journey and Heart, mixed with energetic modern alternative pop like Paramore and Walk Off The Earth. And this makes perfect sense, considering that they list all of those artists as influences, and have at some point covered them all within their extensive collection of over 600 videos on YouTube/Facebook/Instagram.

One of the most tightly themed albums I’ve ever heard (from one of the hardest working bands I’ve ever met), “Wild Ones” in the band’s own words: “explores the concept of the lone wolf who lives for the independence of running beneath the moon and the stars but understands the need for a pack.”

The album opens with a dramatic spoken prologue from lead singer Jacqueline “Jackie” Auguste, before launching into the super riff-y, upbeat and harmony-rich title track, where we are introduced to “the wolf,” the musical embodiment of Jackie herself. The danceability continues on “Monster,” which “celebrates the beauty in the ugly.” Next up is what just might be my favourite track on the album – “Eye of The Storm” – an epic and beautifully vulnerable power ballad which Jackie and co-producer Matt Makarenko wrote during the early days of her breast cancer diagnosis in July 2018. The following track “Calling,” according to the band, is meant to be a “cry of support in turbulent times,” but for me, it just gives me a serious “slow dance” romantic vibe. Then the pace picks up again on the uplifting rock anthem “All Gone,” which is co-written by the band’s keys player Martin “Marty” Heller and is his first ever contribution to the ATB catalogue. I call the next track “Graffiti,” ATB’s “ode to graffiti,” – a very poetic explanation of why graffiti exists and the “funkiest” track on the album. The album finishes up with another gorgeous ballad “Alpha Wolf,” which has a very ear-worm-y line; “howl at the moon,” which sounds almost like an actual howl, but prettier. All in all, a very strong, well-written and produced album that just gets better with every listen.

You can listen to WILD ONES on SOUNDCLOUD.

You can find your favourite streaming service HERE.

Album credits: Co-written and produced by MC2 Music Media’s Darnell Toth & Matt Makarenko with ATB’s Jacqueline Auguste, Andy Ramjattan and Martin Heller. Published by MC2 Music Media.

Lead singer: Jacqueline Auguste Backing vocals: Shezelle Weekes, Tasha Lorayne Keys: Marty Heller Guitars: Ben Healey, Matt Makarenko Bass: Andy Ramjattan Drums: Darnell Toth, Ryan Sousa

I had a chance to talk with the band’s frontwoman Jackie about the making of the album, and here’s what she had to tell me:

C: You’re releasing “Wild Ones” less than a year after “Sonic Boom,” which you released May 2018. Any particular reason for releasing them so close together? 

 J: Because it was ready! We were in a full-on writing mode after “Sonic Boom” and we just kept going to maintain our momentum. In this day and age of the music industry, you have to keep moving forward, creating music from your heart and sharing it with your audience. One of the best things about being signed by an indie label as opposed to a major label is that we have so much creative control. There was a really powerful creative force moving through everyone after Sonic Boom and we decided to hold a writing workshop last summer – we basically cloistered ourselves away at the ATB cottage up at Lake Simcoe one weekend and wrote 18 songs – 8 of which we chose for the album, and 7 that are being released currently. We had to hold back one song as we did a little mash up of a song that was already written and are waiting for the lawyers to do their thing.

C: This is your fifth album. What has become easier having done it so many times? Has anything become harder? 

J: What’s easier is the time it takes – in the sense that it takes fewer takes to get what we want, and less explaining to one another where we are coming from because we know our sound now and we know what we want – we are all on the same page and it becomes rather intuitive now – fewer question marks! There is nothing harder per se about it. Possibly making sure we have fresh chord progressions and don’t get stuck writing the same song every time. That certainly hasn’t happened yet and I think it’s because we’ve moved to a more collaborative inclusive model of writing as opposed to the songs all being mine.

C: Have you used the same producer and studio for all five albums?

J: Four of the five, yes. Our first album was actually produced by my brother, Tom Smith, who’s a kick ass engineer, musician and producer. He also produced all our early covers that you can find on Spotify and iTunes pre-‘Jane On Fire’ – which was our debut album in 2016. Our second album, which was actually an EP, was the first project we did with our current producers MC2 Music Media.

C: What is your usual writing process and how was the process for this album? Were there some songs that were harder to complete than others?

J: My writing process starts with a chord progression and a hook. Then lyrics and a melody emerge, the lyrics get filled in and the song goes off to our producers Darnell Toth & Matt Makarenko at MC2. They rearrange it, give it a beat, genre and cadence, then send it back for me to create a demo. I usually create a demo in the same way we record our YouTube cover videos and those demos become the basis for starting to record the individual parts.

For this album we did it slightly differently – although there were several of the 18 songs that we wrote for the album that we do with the usual process I just described, there were three that were musically driven. Matt and Darnell had banked some jam sessions and experimental instrumentals and I went through them and chose some that I thought I could write melody and lyrics to – that was the process for “Monster,” “Graffiti” and “Eye Of The Storm.”

The song “Alpha Wolf” was a little different – I had written some poetry about the wolf theme of the album – and his relationship to the circadian rhythm of the earth. I wanted to write a song in 6/8 time for a change – a rock ballad – I love the triplet feel to a solid 6/8 structure and this song basically ended up writing itself: “Alpha Wolf” and “Calling” –two of the slow songs on the album were written this way – and they seemed to write themselves.

C: You have been pretty open about your recent diagnosis and treatment for breast cancer. How did making this album help get you through it? Do you believe in the healing power of music? 

J: I find that music boosts my serotonin! I feel calmer and happier and less down about things. Music can also excite me and make me want to move and dance or jump around. The album theme – ‘the independent lone wolf who recognizes the need for a pack’ – represents my struggle with breast cancer. I had to be able to ask for help, to accept it, and give up control to those who knew what was best for me. “Eye Of The Storm” represents my attempt to find the peace within the chaos – to find a place of comfort amidst all of the stress and turmoil that is chemo and surgery and tests and needles. Each song on the album really was born during the time of my diagnosis and early treatment. It’s like an Ode to the struggle with mortality.

C: Who have been your biggest musical influences? 

 J: I would say my biggest musical influences are Stevie Nicks, Bonnie Raitt, Steven Tyler and bands like Journey, Paramore and Walk Off The Earth.

C: What advice would you give to aspiring independent musicians?

J: Don’t wait to create content until you think it’s flawless or perfect – let your fans progress and develop with you. Put out content every day! The more you do, the better you will get at doing it! The more you create, the more people can consume and it makes for a nice deep rabbit hole where folks can dive in!

C: Do you have a favourite song on the album?

J: “Eye Of The Storm” – it’s fun to play, fun to sing, and speaks the most to me about my personal struggle with breast cancer.

C: As a fan, I can hear a real evolution in your singing on this album. What kind of vocal training/exercises did you do in preparation for the recording sessions? 

J: I would love to tell you I have a defined set of exercises and techniques, but I don’t. I sing along with the radio in the car on the way to studio – belt a few lines, sing some high notes and some low notes and flex my vocal chords a bit – like stretching before a run. I was trained by Russian opera star Helena Holl, one of my favourite people on the planet. She’s just lovely and had taught me to control my diaphragm, breathing, mouth and throat shape and vocal chords. Although I have very little time any more for training sessions, I do think of all her teaching when I’m singing a challenging song, like if it’s something I have to belt or a high note.

C: Is there anything else that you want to say to all your new and old fans? 

J: I would just love to hear from people what they think of the new songs – what do you like, dislike, what caught your ear, or bored you. And then tune in and follow us on YouTube, FB and the Gram! Introduce yourself! Let’s connect – check out all things ATB at http://acrosstheboardmusic.ca

Carmen Toth is a freelance writer, singer songwriter, senior copywriter and voiceover artist- visit Carmen’s website here.

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Weekly Update #54: COVER ME (7/13/2018)

Finally, after months of solid drought, the barren wasteland known as the TØP fanbase has finally been blessed with rain. And not just a gentle sprinkle; it’s been a consistent heavy downpour, a veritable flood. Even before new music, this week gave us new content from the group every single day. There will probably be something new out by the time you’re done reading this. So let’s not waste any time! Here’s your week in Twenty One Pilots news.

This Week’s TØPics:

Your Band Is Back: Trench Coming This October

“Jumpsuit” and “Nico” Released

New Logo/Theming/Everything

Josh Speaks

And SO. MUCH. MORE.

Major News and Announcements:

This time last week, I was certain that we would be getting new music on the 6th because it was my birthday. Turns out, myself and many others in the Clique read a little too deeply into Clancy’s promise that “everything would be different” by morning. We did not receive new music on that date, which, for the record, was way earlier than most reports had pegged. The fanbase wanted music ASAP and interpreted the letter to fit that, and anyone who said the band lied about when music was coming was just not being honest with themselves. 

Things were different starting last Friday. On the one-year anniversary of their departure, Twenty One Pilots directly reached out to their fans for the first time, not through the wide platform of social media, but with an email message to their mailing list.

The message only consisted of the subject line “ARE YOU STILL SLEEPING?” and a gif of an opening yellow eye, with images fitting the iconography of the Dema site flashing under the eyelid. The Clique basically lost their minds at this direct contact, so much so that major publications like Billboard finally started to report on the long gestating speculation. Everyone was excited to see the eye open over the course of the day, bringing everything full circle and culminating (presumably) with new music.

That... didn’t happen. Rather, dmaorg.info was restored after being down for only a few hours, and this gif of torches was added onto the site. This indicated that Clancy had escaped Dema, and the Clique promptly set about assuming that the next day would mark the band’s full return. Further, the name of the gif, “they_ca_ntseeFCE300″, seemed to confirm what people would be speculating ever since Josh dyed his hair nearly two years ago: the next era’s color would be yellow (specifically, FCE300) to symbolize hope and light pushing back against the dark.

The next day brought with it another update from Clancy (and the general concession among the Clique to stop expecting new music every night and just go to bed). In one of my favorite bits of attention to detail so far, Clancy’s latest journal was messily handwritten on a scrap of paper, due to the fact that he had successfully escaped Dema and was now traveling through- big shock- a region called “Trench”. The writing itself is kinda rambly and generic (so I can relate), with Tyler Clancy marveling at how much he loves being in the trees being alone out in nature. That said, I do love that there is a definite story being presented, with Clancy experiencing changes, taking action, and going on a real journey through this world that Tyler’s created.

On the back of the paper, however, is something much more interesting: a blown-out image that, when reversed, revealed a dead body. That was creepy enough as is; far more creepy was the Clique’s CSI-level discovery that this ripped photo fit with several other dmaorg.info images in a giant puzzle. Who was this man? Was this a random poster that Clancy grabbed as he escaped, or are we supposed to take it as a metaphor? Was it a random citizen of Dema? A bishop? Clancy himself? Blurryface? So many questions.

Twenty One Pilots truly made their mainstream return on July 9th, when they posted a second video of a half-opened eye, not just for hardcore fans, but on all of their social media platforms. This return was accompanied by a total overhaul of the band’s general branding: a new yellow-and-black ||-// logo was revealed for the new era, while the old “silence” banners and even the website subscription box were covered up by bright yellow tape. Billboards featuring the logo on this yellow tape aesthetic sprang up in cities all around the world, from London to Toronto, Berlin to Melbourne, even an entire building in São Paolo. The boys were back.

On Tuesday, Twenty One Pilots again returned to social media to post a second video. The eye, now about 3/4 open, depicted even more of this medieval battle, now with the addition of the Watchers on the cliff throwing... something (rocks? rose petals?) into the air. Instead of generic white noise, this clip was scored by a muffled but still obviously crunchy bass line. As radio stations across the country began to tweet about a major alternative release coming Wednesday morning (with a few even mentioning they were from Columbus), we finally knew that we were going to be ok....

New Releases:

And then I was not okay.

Early Wednesday morning, Twenty One Pilots dropped two singles and announced the names and dates for the next album, Trench, and tour, Bandito. My prediction from last week was 100% correct, and you all may thank and validate me in the comments below like and subscribe. “Jumpsuit” is our main single with a full cinematic music video, while “Nico and the Niners” is the more lore-heavy low-key song for the fans. I’m going to pull back from fully going in on picking apart every sonic and thematic element of both songs and save that for (hopefully) a less busy week, but you know I gotta write about their first new music in two years. Cause that’s what I do: I write too much.

Guys, “Jumpsuit” is a straight-up banger. Featuring a killer driving bassline, some of Tyler’s most impassioned screams, and a truly devastating bridge, I have not tired of this song one bit in the last few days. It takes me on a complete emotional journey in just four minutes every time, and it does so mainly through its soundscape (there’s only the hook, three couplet verses, and that damn bridge). It’s so, so, so, so good, potentially (dare I say it) the best sonically arranged and produced song the band has ever released.

So... what’s “Jumpsuit” about? Well, a lot of things, but in a word: pressure. Again, the lyrics are super vague, I think deliberately so. Clearly the song is about the singer feeling pressured by others into taking a path that he does not want to travel down. That bridge, delivered in an eerie detached falsetto, shows Tyler pushing back even at his weakest point, stating that he will not submit to what others want him to do unless they “grab him by the throat, tie him down, and break his hands.” Certainly you can argue that this is about the music industry. The “breaking his hands” line is killer in that context, as it signifies that the industry can’t control him without taking away the things that makes him valuable to them in the first place, his artistic ability and freedom. You can also say that it’s just playing straight into the concept, with Clancy breaking away from the bishops’ control. But the deliberate vagueness of the lyrics means that the audience can apply the message- and the empowerment of that killer bassline- to whatever struggle they are facing. That’s pretty darn rad.

The music video, directed by “Heathens” and “Heavydirtysoul”’s Andrew Donoho, is sick. Tyler (looking extra fly in his new yellow hooded jumpsuit) attempts to flee from this creepy Red Riding Hood old dude on a white horse (Nico?) through what is certainly a Game of Thrones filming location while other figures in yellow duct tape jumpsuits look on from the cliffs above. Tyler is captured by the bishop, who “smears” him by putting the black Blurryface makeup on his neck. Tyler is freed briefly from the bishop’s control when the other yellow-clad figures throw yellow petals down on him, but he is chased down knocked out or killed. The others flee the scene, save for one very handsome looking drummer boy... Oh, and there’s a bunch of intercut clips of Tyler on the car from “Heavydirtysoul” for some reason.

Besides those “Heavydirtysoul” scenes, which truthfully don’t connect much to the story of the video beyond artificially welding it onto the end of the Blurryface Era, this is one of the band’s best videos yet. It totally fulfilled all of my expectations of a more epic scope for this era, from the gorgeous Iceland setting to the dope as hell costumes to the implication that the story might continue on from this point. And there are tons of little Easter eggs, from brief flashes of the nine bishops to possible cameos from the Josephs and Duns. We don’t really know for sure if Tyler is playing Clancy or if the red dude is Nico, but it will certainly be fun to continue to fill in the blanks as we move forward and (hopefully) hear more from Tyler directly.

“Nico and the Niners” is a weird track, but one that I still absolutely love. In some ways, it’s a more traditional tøp track, with some of the raggae elements found on Blurryface and a rap verse to fit all of Tyler’s lyrics in. But in other significant ways, it’s a totally different path for them. For starters, just look at that title: it’s very explicitly about this album’s concept from top to bottom, with Tyler singing about fleeing Dema and its bishops’ control and even heavily referencing “Jumpsuit”; there’s clearly going to be a great deal of thematic cohesion in this project. But there’s also just the general vibe of it: just as “Jumpsuit” was a heavier rock song than anything we’d yet seen from the band, "Nico” is way more laid back, its repeated references to being high and even its visualizer of assorted shrubbery making it a potential stoner anthem (whether that was Tyler’s intention or not). Regardless, the song is brimming with character and hooks, and it’s already grown on me significantly in just a few days.

Oh, and one more thing: this song lives up to its Dema-referencing title and content by being cryptic af. The track is littered with reversed audio in the instrumental bits, including the “we are banditos” snippet from dmaorg.info and another sample of someone who sounds a lot like Josh saying “We will leave Dema at true east, renounce Vialism [the bishops’ ruling philosophy, alluded to be Clancy in an earlier journal].” I swear, if all it takes for Tyler to make all this stuff is a year break, he should do this after every album.

With all that new music, the fact that we finally have a name for Album 5 almost got lost in the shuffle. Trench was a popular guess over the last few days thanks to dmaorg.info, but it’s good to finally know for sure. Graphic designer Brandon Rike from the Blurryface Era is back again, revealing a cover featuring a badass-looking vulture/falcon/whatever, some new logos (including the return of FPE!), and some more yellow tape that appears to be covering the names of the rest of the album’s songs. Not too much else to say at this point; we’ll just have to wait until some of that tape gets peeled off between now and October 5th.

Finally, let’s talk about the Bandito Tour. It bears mentioning that, amidst the otherwise overwhelmingly positive positive atmosphere of the band’s return, this tour name received the most general opposition from fans and non-fans alike. The fact that “bandito” was probably going to turn up in a lyric from two decidedly white dudes was already enough to put some folks on edge, but the idea of an entire tour of predominantly non-Hispanic tweens flooding arenas and calling themselves banditos was enough to turn a few people against the band. And look, I get it- I hear “bandito” and the first things I think of are John Wayne Westerns and Speedy Gonzalez, and I get why a lot of fans might feel uncomfortable with that. But, to be fair, the band hasn’t used any of those stereotypes and banditos is a word for outlaw used in a number of Romance languages. Perhaps most interestingly, there’s not yet any evidence that the word even appears in the album itself. So far, the only appearance of “bandito” is in a coded message on dmaorg.info and in reversed audio in “Nico”. If this does turn out to be a name meant to only make sense to the most hardcore of fans, it is almost redeemed (I mean, I still think the name is a little silly, but I’m already in presale).

So, with that out of the way, let’s actually talk about the tour itself. It will be an international arena tour- even if the band’s sound is not going in a pop direction, they still clearly feel confident that the Clique will show up wherever they go. The first show will be hosted in Nashville (their first arena concert in that market) on October 16, not even two weeks after the release of the full album. What a baller move, and much preferred to the Blurryface rollout where we didn’t hear most of the songs on the record until nearly two months after the album release and they didn’t play near me for even longer. The boys will tour the U.S. until November 21, even playing arenas in a few markets that they’ve never played large venues in before, and then hit up Australia and New Zealand in December.

The most objectively interesting leg will be in Europe from January through March. Not only will the band play their first arena shows in markets like Moscow, Oslo, Stockholm, Copenhagen, Central Poland, and Manchester, they will return to markets like Dublin and Glasgow they’ve been absent from for years. Most exciting, Twenty One Pilots will play their first shows in Bologna and Stuttgart and venture into the countries of Ukraine, Switzerland, Spain, and Portugal for the first time ever. Needless to say, the rabid fanbases of all of these regions are super excited, and I’m super excited for them!

Other Shenanigans:

While Tyler has continued to stay silent (much as he has since mid-Blurryface Era), Josh immediately jumped back on Twitter with a standard Josh joke and even resumed his morning workout Snapchats. On Thursday, Josh even called into BBC Radio One with Annie Mac to give a quick interview about the new era. He didn’t provide a ton of information, but it was just a delight to hear our kid’s voice again. A few tidbits of info:

Josh reported that he was calling from Trench, I hate him.

The sick bass riff on “Jumpsuit” was born from soundchecks toward the end of Emotional Roadshow. He says that, as a result, it sounds closest to the Blurryface sound, serving as a good transition into the new era. (If this is what he thinks is close to Blurryface on Trench, this album’s gonna be nutter butters.)

Both Josh and Tyler are really nervous about the elaborate rollout, both out of the usual fear that no one stuck around and out of wariness of severely disappointing people when they hear the actual music (so far, so good...)

Trench continues to have the “diverse” sound of the previous records and also was designed to be played live.

Josh also tuned into Apple Music’s Beats 1 for an interview with Hanuman Welch. This conversation was less about the new album and more about the “hiatus”. More tidbits: 

The band views collaboration as a “sacred” thing, and while they’re not against it in the future, it has to be done in a context that makes sense and not merely for marketing purposes.

The band has never used the word hiatus because they’ve been working. They drew back from the spotlight to allow themselves some time to recharge, but also because they were worried of oversaturation (particularly after the Grammys pushed them into that next-level pop culture sphere). Rather than make a bunch of social media posts that didn’t mean anything just to stay relevant, the band decided to draw back, focus on music, and in the process “thin the weeds” of fans who weren’t the diehards.

For the last few albums, the music has come from a specific personal place the band was at while write, whether it be a spiritual journey with Vessel or tackling insecurities on Blurryface. Josh says the same remains true with Trench, but notes that there will be a little more fleshing out themes by working on a specific story with this one (he still says it’s not really a concept album, but ok).

Believe it or not, we are not done. While the boys were blazing a brave new path forward, another bit of content reminded us of where the band came from. Greg Wells, the producer who made Vessel the masterpiece it was, gave an hour-long interview to Billboard’s Pop Shop Podcast. He mainly speaks about getting started in the industry back in the 90s and working on the mega-blockbuster Greatest Showman soundtrack, but he does talk about Vessel for a bit approximately forty minutes into the interview. I won’t give the exact time-code, not because I’m lazy, but because the entire interview is worth listening to. Greg just seems like a rad dude. His laid-back nature and the seriousness he takes with his craft really shine through; he and Tyler must have gotten along just fine.

Community Spotlight:

The Clique took some heavy losses over the last year, as a great deal of old fans moved on to greener pastures. But that just left room for a whole host of new fans to rise to the occasion and help us get through that long drought. Today, I wanted to give a shout-out to GingerSheep and Stolen Potential, two Clique vloggers that have really kept the fanbase informed and uplifted and have been working their butts off reporting on the daily content. I know how long it takes me just to research and write one of these- I can’t imagine the work that then goes into filming and editing on top of that nearly every day. Hats off to you, good sirs. Make sure you all check out their channels if you haven’t already! But, you know, don’t stop reading these. I have bills to pay with all the Tumblr money I’m not making.

Well, that wasn’t too much, was it? If you made it all the way to the end, mad props. See you next week for a slightly tamer week (probably).

Power to the local dreamer.

|-/