#also can't take a fucking photo to save a life my god

[c-hrona]

Hope-

Or tfw you touch grass for the first time in your life, and it makes you so sappy that you can't help it but pray for a brigther future.

If, in said future, there's also your best friend, well, who are you to not hope a little more?

Little comic without any kind of expectations and is showing I did to try the 8 page zine layout and it does work!!! I will do more of these because it was fun as heck and really made me happy to do it!

If you want to print it and have a physical copy, you can find the file on my Ko-fi for free!

Here some photos of my own little prints, tried both the A3 and A4 format and they are so cute! **

[ivvyela]

imagine with me, if you will, a nwh potential fix-it involving none other than the multiverse saving duo deadpool and wolverine.

i know, i know - but please, let me cook.

wade and logan now jump across timelines to "fix" things aka travel the multiverse for funsies and deal with the consequences later and somehow end up in a universe where peter parker doesn't exist, but spider-man does. and wade, blessed with the power of "i know this for the plot", immediately knows that is bull. shit. and sure enough, they find one very depressed, very lonely, and very jaded peter parker.

after much annoyance, light stalking, and following spider-man while he's on patrol, they get peter to spill how he ended up in this situation. and after hearing everything, logan breaks the silence with a simple, yet effective: "shit, kid. that... shit."

"yeah, well... now you know, so you can, like, leave me alone."

"nope, not gonna happen." wade shakes his head and tactfully ignores logan's imploring look of what-the-fuck-are-you-getting-us-into-now "i take my job as marvel jesus very, very seriously, so frankly, this is my job to fix your sorry little life, buddy. and if flat-out telling them you exist didn't work, then - "

"oh, i actually... i never told them."

"...come again?"

"i tried to tell them, but i couldn't. so..."

"i'm sorry... your best friend and girlfriend were crying, telling you to come find them and remind them of you, and you chose not to?"

"they're happy and safe without me! i wasn't going to ruin - "

"oh my god. you sweet, self sacrificial, idiot spider-baby. okay! we can fix this! we're no tony stark, but consider us your pseudo daddies for the time being, kid. let's get you your life back."

which is how one very emotional and determined deadpool, followed by a stoic, nonchalant wolverine (who, in all honesty, probably should be completely against this, but once wade commits to something, he can't be talked out of it, and the sooner he gets his fix from this the sooner he can go home, so fuck it we ball), end up in a certain cafe, all up in a poor barista and her friend's face with a cut-out yearbook photo of some kid, yelling "LOOK AT HIM! LOOK AT THIS BOY! HE'S SO LONELY! LIKE A SMALL, FORLORN, VICTORIAN CHILD! REMEMBER HIM, GODDAMMIT!"

(their efforts result in two confused and scared teens, and getting kicked out of said cafe.)

peter practically begs them to just leave him alone, that this was his choice, and he's fine with it, but both wade and logan know a lie when they hear one. they both know what being alone can do to a person, and peter is just a kid who got dealt the shittiest cards in life and at this point, it just feels wrong to leave him here without trying to do something. and maybe they both have a small soft spot for the teen, so what?

and peter knows both men can see through his broody, teenage angst front he's been putting up since the spell, and he's tried so hard to hate the two of them, get them to hate him so they would leave, but they're not budging, so really, there's no point in trying to push them away, right?

and so, he lets them in. he learns that while logan is stoic and intense and kinda terrifying, he's also someone who just wants to do the right thing for the people he cares about. he's also lost people, and he blames himself, but he's come out on the other side. he would tell peter about his daughter, laura, who wouldn't let him wallow in self pity because she is good, better than he has ever been. he never saw himself as a father, but she's still around, so he must be doing alright.

and at first hearing it would result in a pang in his chest, memories of thai food after walking into a smoke-filled kitchen, assurances that things will work out when everything feels hopeless, a tombstone that can never convey everything she was, but now... it's nice to hear that logan still had someone after losing everyone.

so, peter listens to logan's stories. in return, peter tells logan all about his mom.

and wade was brash and loud and conceded and really, really annoying, but he's... no, that's it. he's all of those things, but in a weird way, it's like all those bad qualities merge together to make him a good guy. and yeah, he can walk away at any point, he has absolutely no obligation to help peter, but he does it anyway.

("nonono, don't you dare make me some selfless hero type, kid. i know for a fact that every deadpool has a peter. i'm doing this for the me in your world."

"you're... huh?"

"bottom line, i'm a selfish bastard. i'm doing this for me, 'kay?")

peter didn't fight it. he's had experience with seemingly self-absorbed, deflecting type heroes.

wade doesn't replace him, not even close, but... still.

maybe peter will never get back what he lost. but, for the first time, peter sees a light at the end of the tunnel. that, maybe, he can stop being just spider-man, and he can start being peter parker again, too.

(and if there's a barista talking to her friend about how it's weird that two guys would show up holding a photo of an odd customer from weeks ago, demanding they remember him, and despite not knowing him she felt something, and her friend couldn't help but agree, well... that's neither here nor there.)

[gremlingottoosilly]

Just one shot [Military photographer!Reader x CoD characters] part three

You successfully escaped the hell of the art school — in debt, with nothing but your(shitty) camera, a diploma and disappointed parents who never understood your life choices. Being a part if the military wasn’t your first option, but what else can you do? And at least, people here are fun to work with…

Featured characters: Ghost

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Ah, you're fucked. Utterly and deeply, there is literally nothing you could do about your fate – once you get out of bed, you would have to face the cruel fate of being a person who has to take picture of Ghost. Like, the Ghost.

You doubt that he even wanted to be in the photo album, for fucks sake, even his files don't have photos! And yet, here you are, with nothing but your camera in your hands. Shaky, sticky from sweat, twitching little hands. Feeling like a crushed bug under the boot of some very rude and borderline sadistic kid. You wanted to play it cool, to maybe just wait a little bit so the storm will be finished before you start working. Unfortunately for you, you are literally on a clock and tight schedule. Unfortunately for you, Ghost literally has only one hour of free time. Unfortunately for you, you are going to steal this hour from him. With shaky - relax, for the love of god, he can't legally kill you o this base even if he would try really hard - you are going straight to the massive figure exiting the training area. Soap is looking at you strangely, almost making you step back and readjust everything you knew and loved. Gaz is not here, thankfully, so only one sergeant will be here to witness your inevitable demise. With a quiet sigh, you approached Ghost. And here you thought that being a photographer for the base will save you from the fate of being killed in action. Ghost will fucking kill you and then use your body to taunt all of the other recruits who are dumb enough to approach him next time.

"Sir, I am sorry for disturbing your peace and, quite frankly, I waited long enough for you to finish your training so I will have the opportunity to do my work and this is very important for the base morale and your team, obviously, so, um, what I was saying is..." "What is it, private? You need to speak short, I am not going to wait for ages for you to finish." You are going to die. Good luck, private Victor 6-8, you will never see these numbers be funny. "Sorry, sir. I need to take a photo of you, for the yearbook." "Not gonna happen, private." "But sir, this is important!" "No bloody photos. Ain't got time for this fashion magazine shit." "Sir, please, it's just one fast click! With mask, of course, I am not going to reveal your identity, I understand how important that is and..." "This is final. No." Ah, if you are going to die, at least you can die on your feet, with your weapon - well, your camera - in your hands and no sight of fear in your eyes. Even if you are so fucking terrified right now, that your legs are shakier than adrenaline junkie after a training session with KorTac. You can also just steal his mask and make Soap wear it, no one would ever notice a difference. Or you can be a bit more persuasive and use some of this pretty charm that you most certainly have. You do, right?

"Sir, if you are feeling uncomfortable about the prospect of making a photo, I can...oh, I can give you these sunglasses. What do you think?" He looks at the sunglasses, conveniently sitting on the desk near you. You don't know where they came from and who they belong to, but at this moment, this doesn't matter. You just need to make this photo, then exit to your room and wallow in sadness until the second coming of Christ or any other shit that you have been listening to while picking up a Christian radio station near the base. The devil is already here. And the devil is nodding, putting the sunglasses on. Fucking hell. "One photo. I'm not going to pose, just make it quick." He sounds like a grumpy dad who hates making photos in front of every statue on a vacation he was paying too much for. Or like q edgy teenager who hates his mom for making him pose for a family photo. Well, you are taking what you can and getting in position. Holy shit, this guy could be a model if he would want to. For Hot Topic, at least. You took the photo, now looking at the camera in your hands, trying to see if the lighting in this room was okay and Ghost doesn't look too fucking weird standing here like the Death itself. Although you think that even the Grim Reaper would be easier to convince. "Do you want to take a look, sir?" He is nodding again, leaning closer. He is right behind you now...large hands in skeleton gloves - so fucking edgy, you can't believe this guy - are slowly creeping on your waist, adjusting your position so it would be easier for him to look.

His hands are so big, that they can wrap around your waist with ease. He can squish all of your internal organs and won't even feel a thing, you think. This is terrifying, but then...oh shit, you feel something, growing inside with a rapid speed. You are a lost cause, you know this, right? "Not so hard on the eyes, huh, recruit?" His raspy voice is making something in your skin shiver. Not from fear, unfortunately for your poor soul. You really, really need to listen more closely to this religious radio - maybe, it will help you not act like a blushing mess in front of your superiors. "This is...yes, sir. You are looking quite nice." "Next time, private, tell me about this in advance. Would get a new haircut." Funny. He is looking and sounding like he is going to murder you - and yet, he is joking. Perhaps, you really should watch the dark corners of the base today. Would be pretty sad to die without even finishing the yearbook.

[casteliacityramen]

Dev Post - Workshop

From concept to end, this is a breakdown of how I did this plot post.

Concepting

This is when I put my thoughts onto paper. Each line in [brackets] is a drawing, followed by text.

Rough Rough Drafts

Dialogue is revised, with each line as its own bubble. Descriptive text in the brackets is cleaned up a little. The thumbnails become sketches, with references getting added to each drawing to make life easier for me later

The order of pictures also got revised. This is where I noticed that I wanted a certain "beat" or "rhythm" to my drawings. This is where two more thumbnails are added and the images are swapped

Sketch/Lining

This is where it gets time consuming--getting the right angles I want. This is where references photos get stretched or warped. This is also when I bust out sketchfab to find 3d models so I can find decent angles.

The "items in motion" was so difficult to me because I simply didn't get it. It took a lot of studying Hajime no Ippo and with some help by the mods of askdeoxys and light-of-unova (I don't feel like tagging them I don't think they'd be interested in this long write up lol). The end process involved duplicating the line layer, saving one in case I fuck up, and erasing/hatching the line layer in the direction of the movement.

A lot of the choreography advice was taken from here, which is a FANTASTIC write up of how to show someone getting punched. This entire page was re-done after reading and interpreting the timing.

This part was a challenge because I wanted to tackle two things I struggle with--fights and backgrounds. Eventually, I had to settle on a style, so i started with the outside shot to get a feel for what kind of colors I wanted to use for this post

Originally, I wanted to go with a yellow/black color contrast, but I couldn't get it to look right. So, I settled on a dark blue / dark blue background combo that matches the overall vibe I've had so far in the rest of my blog

Stuff like distant lights was a little challenging, but I found a brush and altered/stretched/cut items where it looked fine and moved on. I really liked the pinkish light spilling out from the ground, and it set the tone for the rest of the post.

God, even an angle like this was difficult, especially since perspective never feels right until you reach the "ah hah!" moment that's at the end of the process. There's a lot of little things like the direction of the steps and how it would look going down and make sure it didn't look like you were looking up.

ONE THING that I really liked to use throughout this process was a "stamp" brush so I can keep my character proportional, because I didn't want to have him look too tall or too short so I used a stamp brush.

It's hilarious.

After the backgrounds, the order of drawings that got finished next were in order of difficulty. This was when I decided on a lighting vibe.

These colors are striking on their own, but I thought it was a bit too stark of a contrast and it made my lines disappear, so I duplicated my lighting layer and Gaussian blurred the hell out of it and turned it into an "add" layer

Colors

I have this thing: I try to find a way to make it easier to do a monochrome post, but end up doubling/tripling my work process where it'd be easier if I used regular flats... I can't say that I don't like the end result. If anything, I love it. But man, was it time consuming.

Since the pink layer was duplicated, it was both my coloring and shadow layer, which was too time consuming. I think I'm going to be doing stuff like this sparingly, even though I really enjoy the lighting.

This took the longest amount of time, so long that I forgot to take meaningful screenshots throughout the process! Oops.

Final Touches

Small items like "wait, there's supposed to be a small crowd" were added last minute!

I decided to bump the light up to a harsh degree. Arguably, the one on the left is easier on the eyes, but I didn't want that. I wanted this to be up in your face. I wanted this to hurt.

Other edits include some sparks/electricity in the closeup with Aila's dad. I thought about extending his leg past the frame, especially it'd symbolically make sense because Aila's dad is literally pushing him down, but it looked awkward. I settled for a spark going over the border, instead.

For my favorite page, I added a background shot of some moving lights were added afterwards. I thought it'd be too jarring to move from locker room straight to the apartment.

It's also a fun throwback! I thought it'd be fitting to have him symbolically lower, yet again. This time, he really knows that he's staring at rock bottom. He's actively looking down, watching the shadow he casts gets swallowed up by what awaits him below.

This was a LOT OF FUN! But man, if I work on something for too long, I think to myself: "Is this too much? Am I pushing my characters too far down the misery hole?" And I'd start second guessing the entire post as I'm making it. I had to learn to take that voice and shove it in a locker.

I decided upon the "self harm" content warning because... well, it is. The imagery doesn't match what's typically shown in media, and a part of me thinks that the content warnings are overkill, especially since it's not explicit. I thought I'd play it safe.

However, it's also a meta way for me, the author, to tell you that this is Jack actively hurting himself. The act of purposely losing a fighting match is an act of self loathing and self destructive behavior.

I hope you found this interesting!

Time Spent from start to finish: 2 weeks Time spent working those 2 weeks: ~ 5 sessions, each varying from 2 to 5 hours

[themanwhovibez]

Alright, well, I fucking hate Tumblr, lemme tell you that! I've tried posting this about 7 times and I don't understand why it won't work. So now, unfortunately, no photos or videos are on this post, even though I really wanted to include them. I'll try on a different post ig

But either way, Transformers: One was SOOOOOO fucking good. I had a lot of worries about TFOne and how they were gonna do things within the story, especially in such a short time frame. But most of my worries were cleared up during the showing. Now, I still do have issues with the movie, but frankly I can over look all of that to focus on how much I loved. I can rant about it in a different post.

The friendship between Orion and D-16 was so sweet, I was ready to cry 3 minutes in simply because of how wholesome they were. You will be depressed by the end of this movie, I fear that's a guarantee as this movie was genuinely a break-up movie 😭

This movie was also breathtaking to look at, it was genuinely so gorgeous. There were moments where I was no longer watching what was happening within the story, but focusing on the actual scenery of the movie. Cybertron was shown in such a beautiful light, one that we really haven't gotten to see and I want to see so much more of that. I wanna see more about the plants and the life, how these things work!

Overall, I HIGHLY recommend that you watch this movie and make your own opinion. Personally, it has become one of my new favorite TF movies to come out and I'm already ready for a sequel. Hell, I even have ideas for that but I'll get into it more about with a different post.

Oh and I was able to grab an Orion poster + an extra Elita poster!!

Under the cut will be spoilers. Please don't go past if you don't wanna be spoiled!

Two of my favorite images from the movie, which I unfortunately can't include, is Orion flying towards the center of Cybertron AND the closeup of his graying body with the original Primes behind him.

I know, saying that Orion's dead body is one of my favorite images is probably a bit wild, but the image of his graying body with the original Primes behind him. The whole scene in general is so amazing to watch as both Orion and D-16 transform. Transforming into their new forms for such different reasons, where Orion is gifted The Matrix for being seen as worthy while Megatron steals Sentinel Prime's t-cog that he had originally stolen in the first place.

I was also genuinely so shocked at seeing Orion stepping in front of Sentinel Prime and taking the shot from D-16 canon. Being taken down by the very friend he came to save. The way he tumbled off the ledge, so similar during the race where D-16 was knocked off and Orion pulled him back because "We have each other's backs." D-16 muttering in such a panicked way, that small "no no no why?!" was so heartbreaking but actually seeing that betrayal was so much worse. The way D-16 only stared down at Orion, like he was realizing that if he wanted to achieve his goal, he needed to get rid of his only friend. The very thing that was holding him back. The thing that was making him soft and distracting him. God and just seeing Orion's sad expression paired with that soft "D, no.." GOD IM SO OBSESSED

I'm actually so obsessed with this movie and I'm already planning to try & go back again to see LMFAO

[woodchipp]

I guess this post's going to be a "sequel" to my post about Sunny and Mari because I have Thoughts about the game's potential again, this time concerning Sunny's other friends because god damn they're so underdeveloped and irrelevant 😭

Aubrey holds the "privilege" of being the game's only main character to have something vaguely resembling a character arc, and yet the execution of said character arc still leaves much to be desired. She has some makings of being a nice foil to Sunny (Sunny dealt with his issues by folding into himself in denial while Aubrey dealt with them by taking out her rage on Basil, Sunny's appearance is as bland and average as it can get while Aubrey's appearance is rather garish and visually striking) and I believe that kind of angle would've been really fascinating to work with. I'd have also preferred Aubrey being upfront about being a jerk - her incessant "noooo i'm not a meanie YOU are meanies >:(" deflections don't make her a Deeper character, they just become annoying after a while.

Maybe the game could've featured a flashback (an actual flashback, because Headspace isn't the most reliable source of information) where Aubrey defends Sunny or Basil from jerks harassing them at school and openly expresses her distaste for assholes who think it's okay to pick on someone who can't fight back... only to become that exact sort of asshole down the road. If Basil is the one she stands up for, this could even be their first meeting for additional irony!

Aubrey's rough home life is another aspect of her character the game should've elaborated on, especially given that its only purpose in the story is to be shorthand for "she's just a poor bbygirl please feel bad for her". What if Aubrey was closer to her father than she was to her mother? What if her dad left her mom precisely because the latter developed alcoholism and eventually became difficult to live with? What if Aubrey herself started using booze (albeit not to the extent her mother does) to cope with Mari's death, hating herself because she knows she's becoming exactly like her mother and turning into a person her beloved father would probably look down on? Honestly, the kids' parental issues would've been way more interesting to learn about than listening to them go "waaaa I miss my wife Tails Mari :'c" for the 1403rd time in a row as if we didn't get the memo already

Last but not least, before I move onto Hero and Kel, I'd like to echo @beevean's opinion about the whole "Aubrey shoves Basil into the lake" plot point - Aubrey absolutely should've been the one to save Basil after realizing what she's done. That'd have been a brilliant way to show that she still genuinely cares about her friends despite her violent exterior. This could've also tied into the reason she isolates herself on the final day - even though she makes no bones about being an asshole, the lake incident rattles her and finally makes her recognize that she crossed a line she never thought she'd be able to cross. She and her friends lost Mari already, and they would've lost Basil too, this time by her hands. The guilt overwhelms her, and she decides to shut herself off from the outside world since she thinks that she's a danger to her friends... sounds rather familiar, doesn't it? :)

IMO, Hero arguing that Aubrey still cares about her friends because she quickly dove into the lake to rescue Basil to break her out of her funk before the group hug would've made for a more solid point than "you care because you restored the photo album!", which completely ignores the fact that she stole it from Basil and bullied him for four years over it.

Speaking of Hero, the first thing I'd like to change is the reason for his nickname because the "he likes hero sandwiches lol" explanation is fucking stupid. It'd have definitely made more sense for it to be an in-joke for Sunny's friend group, since Hero's Just Naturally Good™ at everything he does. Maybe Kel or Aubrey could've created some sort of running gag by jokingly calling him "Hank", the decidedly less cool-sounding diminutive form of his real name, Henry.

I think that Hero apparently yelling "a lot of hurtful stuff" at Kel when the latter tried to help him stop being a recluse could've lent itself to some interesting characterization had the game bothered to explore it. What if Hero used Kel's biggest insecurities against him in his rant? He'd be the one to know his younger brother best, after all :)

Maybe the incident could have been used to establish a contrast of sorts between the brothers, with Kel having blocked out everything Hero said about him for the sake of his own mental health and Hero having the memory burned into his mind because he still feels very guilty about the outburst even four years after the fact. What if Hero spent said four years believing that Kel secretly hates him for what happened and being afraid of talking to him about it? Perhaps that would've explained Kel's remark about Hero being "a little more closed off now than he used to be."

Hero himself could've been an interesting character, mainly because his relationship with Mari isn't really touched on by the game, which is baffling since he was her boyfriend. Maybe the story could've tried to indicate that he still has trouble moving on from her suicide by him trying to abruptly change the subject whenever Mari comes up in a conversation. The story could've also tried to show the ways Mari as a person shaped Hero into the person he is (e.g. Mari is mentioned to have had a mischievous side to her, so Hero could've probably had an affinity for mischief too?) I think that sort of thing would've been nice to see in all of the game's characters, actually - the point is that even though Mari is dead, she "lives" on in a way through her friends and her brother, through the habits they picked up from her. Of course, that would necessitate Mari to have a personality beyond "picnic blanket" lmao

Maybe the game could've had Hero (unconsciously) start doting on Sunny as if he was the latter's older brother because, as part of him blaming himself for his friend group's dissolution, he feels especially guilty for "forgetting" about Sunny in his grief. I like to think that this, coupled with Hero picking up Mari's behaviors, would actually hurt Sunny even more, probably since a) it'd fuel his fears about everyone caring about him only because he's the last reminder of Mari they have left and b) every time Sunny sees Hero trying to be affectionate, he's just reminded of his sister, and it hurts.

You know, maybe the game could've even implied that Sunny harbors a bit of resentment towards Kel for having an older sibling in the first place. Sunny himself is aware that it's completely irrational and beats himself up over it ("oh my god, how could I even think something like that? he's my friend!"), but it's still there.

Kel loves his older brother. Kel has an older sibling to love.

Sunny doesn't. Not anymore, at least.

He had a sister.

She's gone now.

[athousandmorningss]

I'm a free man/freer than I've ever been.

It's January, & I'm not tired I'd written.

Google photos shows me a picture from a year ago and I'm moved to marvel at then to now.

-

I'm trying to find new ways to move my body. C. and I fumble and laugh through a barre class that leaves me sore for two days afterwards. I try a spin class that leaves me wobbly-legged and grinning on the walk home in the fog. I lob a ten pound ball at pins for five hours straight and improve my game. J and I hole up in a dive bar with a ping pong ball table between us, my smile wide and eager from a well-earned win. I bike for miles, hike, stretch, lift.

-

Feb. 1 is the one year anniversary of asking for a divorce. I'm thinking about forgiveness. I'm thinking about the eight hour conversation with Y in which he finally owned the abuse. I presented you with a version of myself that I never fully realized, he'd said. I'm thinking about the specificity of the apologies-how they hinted at genuine self-reflection, but how this seemed to fall apart when he learned I'm going on dates with someone. How the anger and passive aggressiveness and meanness came out again. His I have concerns about what you're doing indicating a still present desire to control. The audacity.

And yet: I want to believe in forgiveness. Maybe I need to forgive him in order to forgive myself. I unintentionally found Myisha Cherry's Failures of Forgiveness at the library, and am moved when I read "forgiveness also aims at release, relief, and reconciliation for the victim. why should victims abandon these goals in order to focus on what the offender learns or doesn't learn? why must forgivers be both survivors and teachers?" (p. 37). I shuffle through anger and forgiveness in equal measures, I cannot land on one. I'm not supposed to.

-

Over dinner with j, i ask for her take on what my next move should be. should i be paying my loans off? should i be saving a shit ton of money? and oh, this city's alright, but i want to get the fuck out of here. I can't do all three at once. She reminds me that the cheap living affords me the upcoming trip and concert to Austin, the loosely planned road-trip to California, the xyz.

I feel a stirring kind of restlessness, but can't help but wonder if this is a callback to y's claim that my life won't be adventurous without him. Or that my life is smooth and steady for the first time in decades, and maybe I attribute this smoothness to boredom.

-

I learn that my drug-addicted sister is homeless. I almost empty my saving's account to get her into rehab. She enters rehab and leaves two days later. On the phone, she ends the five? ten? year silence between us and says I love you. I delete the threads and block my eldest sister, again. You have to act like your sister's don't exist my hairdresser, whom I hug and talk with for hours while in the chair, says. And yeah. I do.

-

My hair's red now. That feels right. Do you want to go hiking in the morning C asks. I want to have a galentine's day dinner at my place, when are you free I send to the group chat. I'm turning 38 this year. I'm plagued by survivor's guilt. I'm thinking about the ocean. I'm trying, I'm trying, I swear to god I'm trying.

[gyunikum]

tagged by @davidstirlings thank you so much :3

rules: list ten books that have stayed with you in some way, don’t take but a few minutes, and don’t think too hard - they don’t have to be the “right” or “great” works, just the ones that have touched you.

I'm not really an avid book reader so these books are all I can remember:

Operation Salam - Kuno Gross, Michael Rolke, András Zboray Basically a Hungarian desert explorer who was chosen chosen by the nazis to go to North Africa during the Second World War because of his previous experiences in the Sahara, the book tells in GREAT detail his and his team's preparation and execution a daring mission to drive across where no one has driven before in the Great Sand Sea to get two spies into Aswan, and then Allied occupied Cairo. The book is filled with archived reports from MI5, telegrams, photos from private collections, as well as the authors own photos following Almásy László's trail in 2011. Oh, and the English Patient was based off of Almásy László. Also also I got an email from Mr. Zboray when I ordered the book wishing me to enjoy the book lol

Special Forces Brothers in Arms: Eoin & Ambrose McGonigal - Patric McGonigal This is one of those books I never thought I would read before, but the TV series SAS Rogue Heroes made me so so so interested in Eoin McGonigal that I wanted to know more about him. Just... to see glimpses into humans like us, before and during WW2.... puts things into perspective.

Az Ismeretlen Szahara (The Unknown Sahara) - Almásy László Written in the 30s, detailing one of his expeditions into the western part of Sahara. The adoration with which he writes about the desert and its cultures really captivated me. If i could talk with one historical figure, Almásy László would be it. I think every Hungarian should know about him. I could go on for days about him. This is one of his best books.

A Pál Utcai Fiúk (The Paul Street Boys) - Molnár Ferenc Properly traumatised at the ripe age of... idek 13? By having to read this book for school, I couldn't appreciate it until I was an adult.

Rupert Brooke: The completed poems Okay, this is the odd one out, because it's not a proper book per se. But. I love these poems.

Blackwing - Ed Mcdonald I've yet to finish the second book, but the world building, the setting and the atmosphere really captivated me, and though I've read the book years ago, sometimes I still get flashes of images from scenes. There are magically created wasteland, abominations, corruption, hopelessness, asshole gods, and Light being a thread-like material woven in looms to create magic! Fucking love it.

The Raven Boys - Maggie Stiefvater One of the only YA books that I love. It's been ages since I read it, and I may not enjoy it by now, but it will stay with me forever.

Kings of the Wyld - Nicholas Eames Really good fantasy book about a group of retired rockstar-like adventurers who get together for one last ride to save one of the members' daughter stuck in a distant city under invasion.

Six of Crows - Leigh Bardugo I just. The pinnacle of found family. Mwah.

And, that's it lol. There are some other books I've read, but I can't remember them to save my life. And I don't want to list off all of Almásy's books lol.

imma tag... uh @katinkulta @jerichoes @jerevision @lintubintu no pressure though!

[sillystringpasta]

It's all anyone talks about. The Promise. The thing you will pledge tomorrow, which will decide the rest of your life. Your career. Your spouse. Your community. Your happiness, arguably.

You... kinda hate it?

Like, yeah, sure, okay, you're doing your Promise tomorrow, pledging the whole of your being onto a single binding oath to get a functional superpower, but oh my god, your sixteenth birthday has been coming up for, oh, sixteen years? And you're getting tired of it being all anyone talks about. At school, at home, at your fucking dentist's office. Frankly, you'd rather have a basic ass birthday cake. With candles on it, because why not? And rainbow sprinkles. Those are fun.

The day before the Promise, (today,) you're dismissed from school, and have to go to a government building and listen to a last minute speech plus Q&A at the end about the Promise. You took a whole ass mandatory class about it a semester ago. It was somehow more boring than health, and your high school still teaches fucking with abstinence only.

Ugh.

The worst part about the speech, you think, is the fact that it condensed down everything the school taught you. Three hours of your life spent in a room with seventeen other people, chairs and no desks, teaching you something you already know in a very small fraction of the time the government also mandates you be taught it.

Fuckin' hell.

Literally.

You're laying in bed now, up late, it's almost tomorrow. You guess you were more nervous than you thought.

You see, most people know what they want. Your parents did. They met in middle school, fell in love, themed their Promises around each other, and have been sickeningly sweet ever since.

They don't expect the love part from you, but the five year plan? Oh yes. That's expected. Promised, even. Your older siblings have done it. Are doing it. It's going great for them.

You get it. You do. But you still don't know. It is the decision that will control the rest of your life forever, and you have to do it at sixteen? What the hell.

A small part of you is tempted to just... get it over with. Make a small Promise. Be like those guys who Promise to communicate with aliens. Or the Druids. Surely communicating with an animal can't be so bad, if so many people do it? Or be a scientist. There's a major market in hydrokinesis right now. Subatomic control of electrons. Get a grant from the government and make a Promise they want, experimentally, or for national security. 1x rollback time in case of apocalypse Promise is a good deal. Those people are respected.

Fuck, you could join the superhero/villian community. Get something fuck wild, go on a rampage. Save someone from a rampage.

You stare at your ceiling. You can't really see anything, because it's dark, probably now tomorrow, your sixteenth birthday.

In a few hours, you'll get up, and go back to that same government building. You'll feel the Calling, make your Promise, and it will be recorded. You'll go home. Hopefully you made a good choice. Hopefully people won't stare at you on the street, because you Promised full body metamorphosis and joined the Furries. Or something. You've certainly stared at those people before.

Your thoughts spin.

The stricter the Promise, the more powerful the power. The more versatile it is, the weaker. You don't care. You care so fucking it much it seeps out your pores.

You sleep.

And you wake.

You get dressed. You'll get a a photo taken at the office, for a license with your Promise. You want to look... slightly less than your usual shittyness on your new ID. You out on a neon floral Hawaiin shirt. You brush and braid your hair. It takes you not as much time as you'd like.

You need to get to the building early, so you can wait in a room with a couple of officials when you feel the Calling. Your siblings came back home to celebrate this. They'll do it later in the day, when you get back. Traditonally, you will not be getting gifts (or cake). You will be showing off your Promise and subsequent power, giving back to the family.

Your Mom drives you. She's really excited. Your stomach is trying to sob its way up into your throat and onto the dashboard. You say this, and she laughs. Shamefully, your first thought is fuck you too, Mom. You don't say that, though. You are fif- sixteen. But you have some restraint. Just, not a lot of it.

God, do you really have to do this now?

The answer is yes of course.

You could be like one of those religious nuts who asks a God to talk back to them, to answer their prayers.

And then you are there, at the building. You and Your mom do the last of the paperwork she is needed for. Then, she leaves to do some grocery shopping while she waits to pick you up.

And then you are alone in a room with two other people, waiting. You brought a book. It's a historical drama about someone using a Promise to explore a new world, and finding a new continent. It is then consumed by a love triangle and goes to shit. Also the slavery, and the real world consequences of people turing their Promises to target a specific minority are horrifying. But a romance novel wouldn't get into that.

You finish reading the book anyway, and then you are waiting with two people. One of them is on their phone, and appears to be doomscrolling. The other has a computer held in the air by some sort of telekinesis and is typing.

You wonder how you can get the doomscrollers job when you grow up.

And then you are waiting, and just when you start to think that it won't happen, that you will be the only one who gets no Calling, you feel it.

It is nothing and everything like it has been described.

The two people are staring at you. The person with a phone is now poised to write something down a on a notepad.

You need to make a Promise.

You...

Money is always good. It's too late to do the paperwork for a government Promise. But raw assests... Promise money printing is fraud though...

You...

You're not good enough at math, don't like math enough, to be a scientist. You don't want talk to animals, or plants, or inanimate objects.

You...

You don't want to be a supervillian or a superhero. It sounds scary. You don't want to heal, or to teleport, or to have to fuck with software, ever.

You say, "I Promise it would only work for 1 hour before disappearing."

And that's it. It's done. The one with the laptop types, the one with the notepad writes.

They seem nonplussed in both meanings of the word.

The Calling is gone too.

So is the rest of your life. Because you just said some random shit, and now you have to live with it.

You're tempted to try it out. But you only have an hour, and that is for emergencies. What the hell would it even do, for an hour?

You're ushered out of the building. Your ID will come in the mail.

Time goes on, and you're in the car with your mom, and it's traditional to wait to announce the Promise to the whole family, so you wait, and then everyone is there, watching.

And you tell them.

There is a sort of awkrad silence, and then your eldest sibling slaps a dollar into your second eldest sibling's hands. "Ha!" They say. "I knew you didn't know what the hell you were doing!"

And then everyone laughs, even you, even though your nerves have faded to something vaugely offended.

You decide that the next few seconds of sibling rivalry qualify as an emergency.

You use your power.

And in one second-

You're not exactly aware of what all it does. You know exactly what it does. It doesn't fire through your neurons, doesn't burn through them because it would, it would burn you up, crunch your mind to crunchyness instead of squishy, your power runs outside them, but for a moment-

You know what it is, what it does, what it will do, and you know that you have made your Promise, and while everyone you love is still laughing at the bet, you know that everything will be okay.

A power’s strength is determined by the strictness of one’s oath. The oath you made was that your power would only work for 1 hour before disappearing. Everyone laughed, until they realized you didn’t have to use it all up at once, eventually making it to retirement with 5 minutes to spare.

[springsheep]

War of Faith Notes Ep. 11 - 20

Ep 11 -> Blood transfusion for Shen Tunan.

Wei Ruolai's blood type is O. Wei Ruolai looks to the side in the hospital bed.

Shen Tunan praised Wei Ruolai.

Shen Tunan faked his injury (I mean he shot himself）

Shen Jinzhen and Wei Ruolai have dinner together. Wei Ruolai can't read english words i think. Wei Ruolai's smile so cutee

Lin Qiaosong knows that Shen Tunan shot himself.

Shen Jinzhen and Wei Ruolai ate a lot hahaha. Wei Ruolai: Woahh

That damn Li Shengda is still alive.

Li Qin is so pretty hehe.

Ep 12 -> Shen Tunan is discharged from the hospital. Lin Qiaosong: I'm not afraid of death.

Shen Jinzhen: You should take care of yourself.

Shen Jinzhen looks for Yu Shiqing's weakness. Wei Ruolai wants to teach that Yu Shiqing a lesson.

Wei Ruolai has a plan to take down Yu Shiqing. If he fails, Shen Tunan will not let him have vacation days, lol. Okay Wei Ruolai failed.

Shen Tunan: Smart people will be defeated by pride. You need to learn to make peace with losing.

The Central Bank defeat Xingxia, takes a group photo.

Shen Tunan takes Wei Ruolai to get new suits and shoes, hehehe.

Shen Tunan: Alright, I'll give you a raise, to 50 silver per month.

Wei Ruolai: 50?!

Ep 13 -> Shen Tunan invites Wei Ruolai to his house for new year's eve dinner.

Wei Ruolai smiling. Everyone is getting ready for new years eve.

Wei Ruolai: uhmm I have an arranged marriage. My fiancee takes care of my parents, so I plan to give her my salary for the next 30 years.

Lol

Wei Ruolai getting ready, wearing his suit.

Wei Ruolai eating in Shen Tunan's house, Shen Jinzhen has a crush on him.

Wei Ruolai and Shen Tunan have drinks together. Fireworks and happiness

Wei Ruolai is caught by Lin Qiaosong and going to be tortured fuccck

Ep 14 -> Wei Ruolai is tortured... fuck you Lin Qiaosong. My poor baby boi

Shen Tunan wants to protect Wei Ruolai (at all costs) (tbh i'm really really shipping these two rn like wth... but i know Shen Tunan has a wife damnit and shes so nice. but the chemistry between these two is just fuckkkk)

nononono they're going to inject my baby boi with barbiturate (make him drowsy no not drowsy, make him hallucinate??? idk but fuck)

Shit Wei Ruolai is answering the questions...

Lin Qiaosong: Why did you steal the gun?

Wei Ruolai: To protect Mr. Shen...

Shen Tunan tells his higher ups that he doesn't want to abandon Wei Ruolai

Shen Jinzhen convinces Mr. Shen that Wei Ruolai couldn't have possibly killed Li Shengda, and that Shen Tunan must save Wei Ruolai.

Shen Jinzhen has lunch with Lin Qiaosong to fish for info, while Shen Tunan goes to visit Wei Ruolai... arghs

Fuckfuck

Shen Tunan: Can I trust you?

Wei Ruolai: Don't worry, sir, no matter what, even if they want to kill me, I won't say a word about you.

Shen Tunan is angry and super determined. God please i hope shen tunan and wei ruolai don't die at the end of this cdrama... if they do, fuck fuckfuck.

ALSO I OFFICIALLY SHIP SHEN TUNAN x WEI RUOLAI #SHENLAI

Ep 15 -> Lin Qiaosong fakes the bullet evidence, tells his men to move Wei Ruolai to a bigger cell.

The other inmates are pieces of shit who beat Wei Ruolai up until he passed out. damn it.

Wei Ruolai is going to be questioned by the committee (Shen Jinzhen, Wilhelm, Mr. Deng, and Lin Qiaosong.

Wei Ruolai is taken to a shooting range. He can't shoot properly.

Wei Ruolai helps the inmates predict the stock market.

Shen Jinzhen proves that the bullet Lin Qiaosong provided is fake/false.

Ep 16 -> Wei Ruolai (to LQS): Don't worry, I won't badmouth you when I go out of prison.

Wei Ruolai: But if you try to hurt Mr. Shen... then even if I have to risk my life, I'll take you down with me.

Shen Tunan goes to Kang's house with a lawyer, to defend Wei Ruolai. Shen Tunan: If you still don't let him (WRL) go, then I will hold a press conference.

Wei Ruolai is released from prison, Shen Tunan and Shen Jinzhen greet him.

Shen Tunan: It's been hard on you.

Wei Ruolai: Thank you for saving me, Sir. Shen Tunan: No need to say thanks.

Shen Tunan and Shen Jinzhen want to bring him to the hospital for check up and then eat.

Shen Tunan: [Baby] I'll take revenge on those who harmed you. Wei Ruolai: Yes sir [wags puppy tail]

Wei Ruolai gets a checkup and gets his wounds cleaned, Shen Tunan is upset (cuz his baby is hurt obv).

Wei Ruolai laughing and smiling.

Wei Ruolai: I felt it was a pity... Xiansheng bought so many clothes for me and it's ruined..

Wei Ruolai returned to the "slums", only Little Wen greets him, everyone else is wary of him.

AWwwww Ms. Zhou is so sweet, defending Wei Ruolai in front of everyone. Okay Ms. Zhou raised his rent to 2 silvers a year (but considering his salary it's not that bad i guess, lol). Wei Ruolai is laughing.

Wei Ruolai is in pain.. Wei Ruolai exercising in the morning. Wei Ruolai returns to the Central Bank, Huang Congyun is a bitchhhh, telling Wei Ruolai he shouldn't have come back.

Mr. Deng wants Wei Ruolai to leave the bank, Shen Tunan is mad.

THE STAIRCASE SCENE I REPEAT THE STAIRCASE SCENE.

Shen Tunan: Do you want me to be your mentor? Wei Ruolai: [wagging tail] yessss!!

Wei Ruolai is smiling so much damnn

The Communists want the Germans to buy tungsten ores from them.

Shen Tunan brings Wei Ruolai back to the garrison: Are you okay?

Shen Tunan: What Wei Ruolai says represents my attitude.

Ep 17 -> Shen Tunan meets the German Hans. Wei Ruolai also, drinking alot.

Shen Tunan gives Wei Ruolai eye signals: Wei Ruolai r u okay?

Wei Ruolai: Xiansheng can't drink anymore, I'll drink with you.

Wei Ruolai VS Hans drinking competition.

SHEN TUNAN TAKES CARE OF A DRUNK WEI RUOLAI AND FINDS OUT WEI RUOLAI HAS BEEN CRUSHING ON HIM FOR AWHILE (he sees WRL's wall filled with news about finance and *him*)

Huang Congyun is mean, as always. this motherfucker. There's a traffic strike.. Wei Ruolai picked up Shen Jinzhen

Shen Jinzhen and Shen Tunan fight.

Wei Ruolai: How about... you go to Nanjing with Huang Congyun? I think the report is more important...

Shen Tunan: Tell me the truth.

lol Shen Tunan really knows his baby huh.

Shen Tunan: Okay, then you look after the house. WRL: Yes sir :)

Lol, Wei Ruolai's buddies from jail come to have drinks with him.

Ep 18 -> Wei Ruolai's prison bros are joining the strike (going to fight with the police?)

Shen Tunan's daughter is sick, needs to go to the hospital but ambulance isn't available because of the strike.. Xiao Yu has acute appendictis(?). Thanks to Prison Bros (Hao Ge and co) Wei Ruolai can bring the kid to the hospital.

That bitch Li Shengda isn't dead. He's awake.

Shen Jinzhen finds out about Li Shengda. Shen Jinzhen is so shuai, going to assassinate Li Shengda...

Shen Jinzhen almost succeeds with the assassination, Lin Qiaosong to his subordinates: YOu give him CPR.

This motherfucking piece of shit Li Shengda isn't dead yet.

Shen Jinzhen be like: Why can't this Li guy just die... wtff (lol same, Jinzhen, same).

Jinzhen has to leave because Mr. Xu is afraid she's exposed, so she's leaving to Suzhou. She packs her things and her gun, says goodbye to her brother.

She hugs Cishu goodbye and leaves the mansion, crying.

Investigation Unit guys go to Central Bank to retrieve gold (for Li Shengda), Wei Ruolai intercepts them.

WRL: Anything to do with Central Bank is my business.

Wei Ruolai gives them the gold and overhears them talk about Li Shengda. Wei Ruolai: !!!

Wei Ruolai goes to Astor Hotel (to follow and kill? Li Shengda)

Ep 19 -> Wei Ruolai in the hotel. He's so smart figured out the room number hehe

Li Shengda: The communist who tried to kill me is Shen Jinzhen!

Lin Qiaosong and Mr. Kang and Mr. Yu are going to arrest Shen Jinzhen. (thank god Shen Jinzhen has left to Suzhou...) Wei Ruolai hears all of this.

Shen Jinzhen is in the train station, all transports have the order to shoot her if she resists.

Damn Wei Ruolai's so smart. He faked a phone call, told them that Mr. Kang wants them to kill Li Shengda. FUCk Li Shengda isn't dead, managed to escape (he's got nine lives at this point grr)

fuck Shen Jinzhen is caught by Lin QIaosong. Shen Jinzhen in the interrogation room. Shen Jinzhen is so badass...

Shen Jinzhen is threatened by Mr. Kang. The Shen residence is searched. Su Cishu: If you dare hurt Jinzhen...

I really like Wei Ruolai and Su Cishu's relationship, they're good. Wei Ruolai: Saozi, I'll think of a way.

Wei Ruolai made a false report to contact Mr. Shen and tell him Shen Jinzhen is caught by the police. Shen Tunan returns to Shanghai.

Jinzhen's colleagues from the arsenal protest, want her to be released.

Ep 20 -> Shen Tunan: My sister is where I draw the line. If you pass that line... then you're my sworn enemy.

Shen Tunan: If you hurt Jinzhen, this will be personal, and I'll drag u to the depths of hell

Jinzhen (to Tunan): 你怎么才来啊...

Shen Tunan brings her out of jail.

Shen Tunan: In front of our parents and in front of me, tell me, are you a communist? Shen Jinzhen cries and denies it.

Shen Tunan (to Xiao Yu): Your Aunt is silly. (Shen Jinzhen eavesdrop on the conversation.

Okay I'm kinda shipping Su Cishu and Shen Jinzhen now.

Su Cishu: Even if you are a communist, you can just tell us. Then all of us can go to Moscow together.

Wei Ruolai (about Kang Shaojie): They're so disgusting.

Shen Jinzhen in a white dress!! So pretty! Shen Jinzhen makes a speech slapping Mr. Kang's face lol.

Wei Ruolai VS Lin Qiaosong: Wei Ruolai toasts him a glass, Lin Qiaosong eats a big cake (bro I know you're supposed to look threatening but... you look funny instead... I don't think eating a big chunk of cake is a proper way to intimidate people...)

Shen Jinzhen dances with Shen Tunan and thanks him for trusting her. She also thanks Wei Ruolai.

Flashback: Wei Ruolai has killed Li Shengda.

Wei Ruolai warns Shen Jingzhen to be more careful next time.

Lin Qiaosong and Meijuan.

Mr. Xu convinces Shen Jinzhen that they can try to recruit Wei Ruolai.

Shen Tunan: Ruolai, what do you think?

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

Sorry, I'm venting about fandom shit (it's not even drama, it's just shit that annoys me) on FB here. (I do not want to do this again, because this should be the end of what I need to say without repeating myself for the rest of my life. LOL)

There's this lady in a bandom fan group on FB I'm in who is utterly obsessed with the frontman to the point where she defends him over the tiniest fucking 'slight' from anyone even the other fucking guitarist?! I saw an exchange between her and possibly the other guitarist where apparently she often badmouths the current lineup and the guitarist was defending the band/current lineup, rightfully, and I was like 👀👀👀👀👀👀 'Wow, no respect for the man, even though he's not the frontman, who contributed so much to the creation of the music you claim to love? FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF', taking MASSIVE offense to anyone saying anything 'bad' about him (another fandom/bandom instance where I cannot safely say 'Who gives a motherfuck about the frontman, CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE BAND?!'), even when the 'bad' thing or the 'slight' is literally just a fucking joke, and it occurred to me that she is a stone-cold groupie - there is no saving or reaching her, there is no room for critical thought whatsoever - and she's a goner, and I fucking loathe being in fandoms like that. (Why do you think I'm venting to myself where there is pretty much no fandom presence for the band here to speak of? 1. Because it's safer to do so. 2. Because, as I said, there is no reaching someone like her with no room for critical thought, so I would be wasting my time and energy being externally annoyed about her behavior. And 3. most people in any/all fandoms here ignore me, anyway - which is fine.) And she takes up literally so much fucking presence in the group on FB that I can't just be like 'Well, I'll just ignore her,' because I believe that she is also an admin in the group? and so she comments on like pretty much everything there. And I'm actually just now venting about this because I saw a comment she made on someone's post that included several different pictures of signed merch and stuff they wanted to share but one in particular was an artist's rendering of a photo of the frontman, which was literally the only thing that she commented on, and I'm like 'oh god, well there goes any chance of me ever sharing any of my art in this group!!' Her response just gave me the heebie-jeebies. I just cannot relate to groupies at all, and it pisses me off that they act like the Number One Authority on 'knowing' (not even speculating, just knowing) what the frontman would think and what he would take offense to...not to mention how infantilizing that is. It's just infuriating.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Y'all, I am really trying to be calm and civil here, but this tries my patience more than I can express. I know we're not supposed to get worked up about those times when "someone is wrong on the internet" but this is different. This is people spreading blatant misinformation about a terrible situation that affected my family profoundly. I am an affirming parent of a trans kid and my family moved from Texas to Washington state last summer to keep my kids safe. We didn't do this because we somehow failed to realize that CPS investigations into affirming families had been halted by the Texas Supreme Court in May of 2022. We did this because the Texas Supreme Court did not halt the investigations ever, full stop, and the last time I checked they still haven't.

I didn't read the entirety of the Dallas Morning News article linked to above with the claim that the CPS investigations were stopped by a Texas Supreme Court ruling, because they have an intense paywall. Maybe that's the reason OP seems not to have read the article, which even in the first few lines that I saw tells a more complex story than its headline. There's lots of other coverage of that ruling that isn't paywalled, and it will tell you the same thing: the ruling said that Governor Abbott didn't have the authority to tell CPS who to investigate--that the agency wasn't required to follow his guidance. But it didn't say it was required not to. And it also overturned an injunction that had halted the investigations before that.

Let me say that again--the ruling this person cited as halting the investigations was actually A RULING THAT RESUMED THE INVESTIGATIONS AFTER THEY HAD BEEN HALTED.

Sorry for the all-caps, I really am, but god damn. This is my escapist tumblr where I nerd out about my niche interests. I don't post about this stuff that much. But I can't just sit here and listen to this bullshit. It hurts.

Here's a (paywall-free) NPR article that describes the May 13, 2022 ruling and its effects. The headline is "Texas Supreme Court OKs state child abuse inquiries into the families of trans kids." Because that's what happened. There's a link in this article to a piece that Houston NPR did on families that were leaving Texas because of the investigations. One of those families is my family. That's me in the photo at the top, hugging my daughter. That's me choking back tears in the interview. That interview was recorded before the May 2022 ruling but I was choking back way more tears the day that ruling came down. It was right up there with the worst days of my life, because we had had this brief period of respite from the terror of these investigations and then it was just ripped away. I get that people need to feel hopeful. I feel the same way. I'm so desperate for good news that when I saw that OP had written that the investigations had been halted I had this surge of hope that maybe it had really happened and I just hadn't gotten the news yet. (Since my family's move, I've been working on not obsessively following every legal decision on this situation the way I felt I had to while we were still in Texas). But for fuck's sake, don't make your need to feel better a bigger priority than the truth of what people are going through in states like Texas right now.

If I had a nickel for every time I told someone about my family's move, everything it cost us (so goddamn much), how we still haven't recovered from what it was like before we got out, and they said, "but I thought the courts took care of that," I could take OP out for cheeseburgers. And it is so goddamn invalidating and insensitive and triggering.

Checking your facts and actually reading things you cite instead of just the headline isn't just, like, internet etiquette or something. This is about people's lives. Sometimes the person reading your wishful thinking post is someone who lost all their savings and a major chunk of their mental health to a situation that you are blowing off and pretending is resolved.

If you want to know where things actually stand, the most recent update I've found is from the ACLU, here. As of February of 2023, the investigations were still going on. I haven't been able to find any sign that they have been halted in the interim. Like I said, I have made a concerted effort since my move to stop obsessively checking the news about this situation, so I may have missed some kind of favorable ruling or other policy change. I don't think so, but it's possible. But I can tell you for damn sure that the investigations weren't halted at any point before August 16, 2022, when I left my home of 25 years to protect my children. And I'm fairly sure they haven't been halted since.

I should note a different Missouri near total adult ban was also taken out

So if you're reading about these bans, and you're scared where you live or that you can't travel/move to different parts of America, remember these bans are legal nonsense and failing in court over and over and over again

[majihugs]

I may be feeling everything, but writing this out is actually fun lol. Okay, here we go. I'm very much talking out loud and to myself (as always, it's how I live and gather my thoughts 😆), but these totally count as thoughts right? Even if it's just reacting...yeah that should still count.

Ch. 3 thoughts 2/???:

The way his head drops after Yoshimura asks if he really thought anyone would help him :'))) Accepting his torture. Also, god I feel like the hat does so much, like how it hides his face a bit?? Woo.

First of all, wow look at him. Serving even when fucked up and tortured ✨️✨️ Also, KIRYU SHUT UPDHDFHJ 😭😭😭 HE'S STRAIGHT UP SUICIDAL AND READY TO DIEE. MY HEARTT. I say shut up, but I get what's happening obviously ;-;;; It makes sense, he's been through SO much, but GOD. Still not easy seeing a beloved character be like yeah. I'm ready to die. Anyone really!! Aghh.....

Photo limits are kinda killing me here lol, but it's okay. Forces me to take mini breaks/ to snap back to reality, which is good!

Istg Kiryu has like a tired little smile here. 😭😭😭 Pain pain pain. I CANNOT believe Kiryu has to go through this shit again!! Being shot in the back (literally) by someone he's supposed to trust (haven't played all the yahooza games, but..slight Nishiki flashbacks).

The music is making me teary eyed again. I really like it. Good god I listened to this track way beforehand bcs I am fascinated with the Gaiden ost. So, I Did Not know when this would play. To hear it HERE... weeping.

Yeah Kiryu just rub it in. Sassy as hell and FOR WHAT. 😭😭 Can't deal with his ass..that sass is working so well with the fit though. Anyway.

I was SCREAMING at this shot. GOD. Well, trying not to scream too loudly because it was nighttime. But I was losing it. So bad. Hanawa pov hello!!! I love this shot, many actually, but this one. AH. God I wanna stare at this one forever. Other than how nice Kiryu looks, his face...ough he looks so tired and done. With everything. And yet also like he's DARING Hanawa to shoot him. Sass.

HANAWA POV. Like OF COURSE HANAWA'S STRUGGLING. As he said, Kiryu saved his life so this is totally a betrayal!! Then again, he is Doing his Job. BUT, KIRYU GIVING HIM THE SADDEST, DEADEST, MOST TIRED EYES TOO?? Help me. I wouldn't have gone through with it either.

Deeply sighing, he looks good and yet so fucked up. I love expressions. I love how they did his eyes. Hanawa pov...

I was bawling at this part. THIS ISN'T EVEN THE WORST PART and I was already losing it. Trying not to repeat myself, but the sad as hell music and seeing Kiryu slowly get down like that, accepting death...tears. Weeping over that and admiring how good he looks yet again...

[mouseratz]

anywho. also read asm 300 out of boredom and the fact I didn't have my physical books on me soooo. well. god I hate MJ and Peter. y'all should divorce for real. not because you guys are bad to each other you're just so goddamn annoying.

Mjs like "I'm a girl! I love shopping and I have friends who are also hot girls! and peter don't you want to take sexy photos of me! and I feel SOOOO bad that I'm better at your job than you and it makes you feel bad I guess I should just be worse at it so it doesn't insult your masculinity ❤️❤️❤️ loveee u baby" Like. sorry. she's just written as What Some Guy Imagines a Normal Nice Girl Is Like here. (obviously this is not representative of the entirety of actual decades of writing for a character but this issue is a rough introduction.)

and peter. well. he's Nineties Just Some Guy but I expected that so it's a little less grating.

the art is interesting because the action scenes and compositions are really solid and easy to see why they're iconic. but the faces......I don't like them. at all. they're jacked up for everybody. basically only the hero suits and dynamic shots look good.

Brock's heavy catholic bent did not make it into the movie characterization and I think that's fair but also really fucking funny. part of his revenge fantasy includes "dressing up as a priest to kill spiderman". also his backstory "I was really sad I lost my job so I got jacked because I thought it would make me less depressed but it didn't. and the more I thought about it the more mad I got and then I was gonna kill myself for real like I was gonna do it. but then an alien said hey let's go kill that guy you hate I hate him too and I was like awesome! and now life is also awesome" . which is just so....yeah That's Comics!

Brock and venom united by Being a Hater (to be fair in venoms case. I do actually feel bad for him how is that his fault imagine being like heyyyy I'm an alien who needs a host to live. and you're cool and we get along pretty well....we can help each other and it would be great. and then the guy doesn't just tell you Fuck Off I Don't Want to Do That, but Tries To Murder You Bad and the entire discussion around him doesn't really seem to regard him as a person but as just a thing who's life isn't as valuable as his, even after knowing he's sentient....)

(and peter's fine with trying to kill him Again, not just as defense, and only backs off because he doesn't want to kill the human he's bonded with). that's kinda fucked up. you don't even consider his life a life just because he's a people eating alien. wow. eyeroll. idk it's just weird to be like. I Can't Take A Life! But This Guy Doesn't Count Cuz It's Not Human. I thought we left that behind in the silver age with the old Bizarro stories and the like. at least DC kinda did. I can and I WILL get stuck on "how do you determine which life is valuable and worth saving versus not" because I like star trek. c'mon. it'd be different if he didn't care because venom was a threat either way and needed to be stopped; but that isn't what he said. he said, no, I can't take his life because it would mean also taking Brock's life, and I can't do that. which is inch resting. tldr what I'm saying is yeah he's got reasons to be a hater. )

[warcriminalcommie]

Hey guys welcome back to another episode of Ay ruining your day because HAAAA.

Felt like we needed some depressing shit here that isn't depressing in the "What did you do you to him? Wh-Why? I'm gonna go vomit now what the fuck did I just read—" way so have angst. :bbg_emoji:

Also if you feel like you've seen this before, that's because you probably have. I yoinked this from my Wattpad because I'm (not) cool.

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

Blue Or Brown, Can't Remember

It's been a few months since Deimos had passed. Almost more than half a year. Specific period. But that's because that event kept haunting you, replaying in your head. Hah, replay. Even thinking of that word reminds you of his stupid song that he'd bug you with. Funny how you'd describe it as him annoying you back then when now you'd do anything for him to just come back and pester you with his stupidity just once more.

You really couldn't get your mind off of him. Everything would remind you of him and the stuff you'd do together as friends. As friends. Nothing but friends. That's what it was, what it was and what it always will be due to you taking him for granted. You thought he'd always be there. That one day, you'll eventually get the courage to confess to him. Or hell, maybe he'd confess to you! I mean, he did seem to take an interest in you. But that'll remain unknown for the rest of eternity, or at least the rest of your life, because he's gone. Gone forever.

You didn't even get to say goodbye. You weren't even there when it happened. Every day you keep thinking about it. All the 'what if's and 'if only's filling your brain. Just like how it's filling it right now, as you sit here and ponder your now meaningless life.

"What if I was there?"

"What if I took the bullet instead of him?"

"If only I saved him."

"If only it could've been me."

These thoughts kept harassing you. You couldn't take it anymore. It was all you could think of. You could barely experience any form of happiness without you being pulled back into this state of constant, unhealthy grief.

"If only, if only, IF ONLY!!" You screamed out, tears in your eyes. You didn't even care if Hank or Sanford heard you from their rooms. You just couldn't take this anymore. It was literal hell on earth. 

Hell on earth...

Huh.

Makes you wonder where your beloved little chain-smoker is right now. The thought had just popped into your head. Now instead of regret, you felt fear. Fear, worry, and concern. You hoped that he was somewhere safe, his soul resting in peace from this hell you all called Nevada. 

You shook your head, trying to get these thoughts away. But you couldn't. God, how much you missed him. His dumb jokes, his stupid personality, his voice, his scent of tobacco, his eyes... His...eyes... Huh. Now that you think of it, you can't even remember his facial features, or any of his features for that matter. You had a hint in your head that his eyes might have been either blue or brown, but you can't seem to remember.

That thought made you get up from your bed to go and look for a photo of him, or anything similar to that. You looked and looked until it hit you that you haven't kept any sort of archive of him. That thought made you freeze in your place. Tears started stinging your eyes, the sour feeling setting in. The fact that you don't even have anything to remember Deimos with broke you.

You immediately and frantically opened your phone. You scrolled and scrolled on every app that you had, back and forth and went through every single piece of data there. And... Nothing. No chat logs, no conversations, no images, nothing. It can't be possible... Can it?? Oh, wait...

It can.

And that's because in a fit of pure anguish, you decided to erase what little you had of Deimos left on your device so you can forget about him. So you can heal faster. It all moved to your "Recently deleted" folder, but you had forgotten to move the files back where they belonged. As for the chat logs... They never had any hope of being restored easily after you deleted them. Only someone with complicated tech knowledge could do that job so easily.

Someone like him.

And there you go... Remembering him again... Gosh, you really were dependent on him, huh? You started to think about life before him. It was... Bad. To say the least. It might just be because of the fact you lived in this pathetic excuse of a state, but who knows? You certainly don't since your view of the past, yourself, everyone and the whole fucking world has been contorted after this little incident 

It's all just so absolutely meaningless now. So worthless and nugatory. It all felt so dull without him. He was the spark of joy in your life that you didn't know you needed. That you didn't appreciate enough. That you took for granted.

You sighed, laying on your bed again, staring at the ceiling. You felt the tears dry but then you just burst out, again. You took a shaky breath, trying to regain composure. You felt so hopeless. It just hurt so much to cry over and over again. You couldn't take it anymore. To make it all even somehow worse, your nose had started burning thanks to all the tissues. You tried to take deep breaths to calm yourself by at least a bit, but you simply kept breaking down mid-breath.

Choking on your own breath and panting heavily, you sighed, tears falling down your face. You were so damn exhausted from crying. It felt like shit, but you couldn't stop. Your heart was pounding like crazy, and your lungs felt like they were beating. It started to physically hurt you. Is this how Deimos felt?

...

Why?

Why?

Just why?

Why did you have to remember him again? And why did it have to be that memory out of everything?

Why couldn't he leave your mind? Why couldn't he let you be? Why can't you just let this thought disappear? Why can't you repress it like all the horrible things you've repressed?

Was he haunting you? I mean, in your current state, you'd probably be delusional enough to believe that he does still live on as some sort of undead entity. Thankfully, that thought didn't cross your mind. Yet.

Trying to clear your mind out of all these thoughts just made you feel worse. Again. All you did was remember how you could have treated Deimos better. All the insults you'd throw at him, all the hits, punches, kicks, all the mean comments. You meant it in a joking, friendly, light-hearted manner. But it still made you feel like shit.

What if he didn't catch the hint?

What if he took it as genuine?

What if he hated you all the time?

What if you hurt his feelings?

You just broke down again at these thoughts. Something that made it all worse is that you actively denied these comments and actions to be jokes. Deimos seemed to take it well, but would seem hurt from time to time. You couldn't tell if he was being sad as a sort of joke of his, or if he was genuine. It still hurt to know that.

Fuck. What if he did actually have feelings for you and never confessed because of these comments? What if he felt the same way? You couldn't tell which thought hurt more. The one about him hating you in silence, or loving you in silence.

It hurt. It hurt so much. You just wanted your consciousness to be taken away. You couldn't even dream about any more happy moments with Deimos.

What if you were nicer to him?

What if you actually confessed?

What if you were there for him?

What if you didn't let him split and leave you?

What if you took his place?

What if?

What if?

What if?

What if.

What if.

What if.

What if.

What if.

WHAT IF?!

...

But it doest matter.

Because he's gone.

Gone forever.

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

lmao loser.

Still nervous about posting shit onto this hellhole woo.

[write-helluva-messy-boss]

✨ a wedding disaster ✨

a chat short story by write-helluva-messy-boss

.

.

.

.

Asmodeus: what do you mean i'm not free that weekend? what could i possibly be doing on a Saturday and Sunday?

Exim: it says here in your schedule that you have a wedding to attend

Asmodeus: a wedding???

Fizz: a wedding???

Asmodeus: fuck that shit, i ain't going to no wedding

Exim: actually, yes you are. it's for the son of your counterpart, Baal.

Asmodeus: *groaning* Baal?

Fizz: fuckin Baaaaaaallsy of this guy to have a wedding, amirite? haha, gottim. ok, but who are we talking about?

Asmodeus: *grumpily* of all demons, why is the one wedding per millenium i have to show up for need to be fuckin' Baal's?

Fizz: can't we just Baaail? haha get it——

Exim: that was terrible, and that would be unwise, considering he's the demon king of popularity and social influence. among other things. like a direct royal appointment of Lucifer Himself.

Asmodeus: ugh, i can't stand Baal. his parties are stuffy and boring. he's way too serious to even think about havin' a good time. and, he would absolutely hate my precious Fizzy 🥺🥺😭😭

Fizz: oh, i think i'm gonna baaaawl my eyes out 🤪

Exim: showing up is better than not in this scenario

Asmodeus: as much as i fuckin hate the dude... you're correct.

Fizz: wait, wait. we're going?

Fizz: to a wedding?

Fizz: a pomp and circumstance, stuffy-ass, snooze-fest wedding?!?!?!

Asmodeus: no. I'm going to a pomp and circumstance, stuffy-ass snooze——

Exim: the style of this invitation, as well as this enclosed engagement photo of the betrothed, suggests the theme of the wedding will actually be romantic.

.

Fizz & Asmodeus: UUUUGGGGĞHHHHGHHGGHGGHJKH

.

Asmodeus: this is terrible... 😓😓

Fizz: outrageous!!! 😤😤😤

Asmodeus: the dredgory of disgust... 🤢🤢

Fizz: the nauseation of it all!!! 🤮🤮🤮

Asmodeus: Fizzy... 😭😭😭

Fizz: boss, i fear... i fear you may not come back alive.. 🥺🥺

.

Exim: there's a plus-one option.

Fizz: ohhhh, no. you are not shoving me onto that smoochy, hellhole within a hellhole bandwagon.

Exim: actually, you can just fill in whatever number of people you want.

Asmodeus: so i can what, then? taint both my beloved jester and my most esteemed dildo artist with all that icky-sticky sentimentality? i think the fuck not!

Fizz: i also think the fuck not!

.

Exim: hm. it seems the reception is offering vegetarian and vegan options

.

Fizz: and they're not even serving meat? boot that guy off his schmucky throne!

Asmodeus: i'm telling you, Baal can't run a party if it saved his stupid life. imma die a horrible, boring, unfucked death at that wedding.

Fizz: i misspoke earlier; this Baal guy has no balls. nix. nada. been gone.

.

Exim: you're both being dramatic

Fizz: hey—— 😠

Asmodeus: Exxy 🥺🥺🥺

Exim: don't call me that. all you've demonstrated thus far is that you'd be the funniest, most cultured, best dressed person in the room at that wedding.

Asmodeus: well of course.. 😮‍💨

Fizz: boring! 🙄

Exim: if you're all those things, at a wedding——

Asmodeus: uh-huh 😞

Fizz: SNORE 😴

Exim: ——you outshine the whole guest-list.

.

Asmodeus:

Asmodeus:

Asmodeus:

Asmodeus: wait just a minute.

Fizz: wut—

.

Exim: and if you bring a plus one...

Asmodeus: yes... 👀

Exim: you get to one-up the couple.

Asmodeus: yes, more, more... I'm listening! and? and?? 👀👀👀👀

Fizz: what the fuck is going on—

Exim: if you bring a plus two (of your hoes)...

Asmodeus: oh my god, HIT ME, EXIM! 🤩🤩

Fizz: WHY ARE WE YELLING

Exim: you get to take a big, slutty, polyamorous shit on amatanormative monogamy.

Asmodeus: AND 👏THIS👏 IS WHY I HIRED YOU 👏👏👏

Fizz: WHY DID WE JUST CLIMAX, DID YOU JUST JIZZ

Exim: and this is why you pay me double to keep track of your schedule

Asmodeus: and this is why I'm about to pay you 🎵double-and-a-half🎵 😉😉😉

Fizz: UHM. HELLO???? i told stellar jokes this entire time, where's my raise

Exim: yeah, you are about to pay me that. because I'm gonna go figure out our outfits.

Asmodeus: 🎵delicious🎵 dig out your sluttiest dress, Fizzy! i am taking you two to 🎩🌹✨Prom✨🌹🎩

.

.

.

Fizz: i am so dizzy rn, what just happened?

.

.

.