#also can be switched out for gamzee <> karkat

[davespritevstheworld]

johnkat storm chasers au

[celestialatlantis]

Sick Headcanons : would they be good at taking care of a sick, human s/o ?

Characters : Sollux, Gamzee Content warnings ? : This is a sickfic so there's that, but not much, no mentions of vomit either.

Beginning of the end (wow, dramatic)

Day one: you'd start feeling off, this headache with a weight coming and going, your throat would feel a bit dryer than it should. Half a day of ignoring the warnings, a coughing fit hits you like a truck and Instantly you'd be hit with dread as you realised, shit, it's a cold; you don't even know where the hell you're supposed to get medicine now. Deciding to leave early, you were thankful that no one pried or probed you for answers. Then you had locked yourself up in your room, trying to logic out whether any of your teammates could get you the meds you used to buy. Unsure of how to bring that up, you decide to call it quits for the night. Feeling sluggish by the time you went to sleep. Waking up, you felt like rock-bottom personified. Fuck.

Gamzee Makara

Some would expect him to not notice as fast as he would.

"Nah little mama, something was defo bothering your cute thinkpan and this motherfucker would have to be blind to miss it .Honk"

But no he has a vibe-based radar and depending on how far your relationship has progressed it only becomes more attuned, somehow.

(Of course it did, he's red for you. This isn't a joke for him. it's a startling shift of demeanor to the untrained eye whenever his attentiveness shows, but it really shouldn't be.)

Has no clue how humans work. Still he'll ask you first and if you don't know then fuck. He's gonna have to ask Karkat if his human buddies know anything.

Either way, he'll bring a blanket and make a pile so that he can sleep near you in-case you need anything. He doesn't wanna leave you alone when you're sick, it has to feel extra lonely.

..at least he thinks it would be. Thinks. That's all.

He'll keep you company and bring you food, water, if you need Meds he'll try to look it up and see what he can do.

He's surprised when he remembers a few tricks he taught himself, from the times when he got sick while goatdad was away.

Will set a cold wet cloth on your forehead and switches it out when you fall asleep.

If you feel gloomy when sick, or if you just want him to, he'll do whatever he can to make you laugh.

Ask him to jump-scare someone by crawling in the vents and you'll see he's already five steps ahead of you. You can't help almost heckling a laugh for the second time when he gets back through the vents and you see he brought a Jason mask with him to scare the poor soul for your entertainment.

if you chose peace this time, he still has some tricks! He will make you laugh until you feel better, and you trust that based on experience.

He's strangely smooth as he walks around, not stumbling as much, although he seems to be acting like usual on the day when you wake up feeling well.

...you never did see it, but he couldn't let himself stay high while you were sick, it didn't feel right.

It really didn't feel right. He doesn't think it'll be remotely okay ever again, now that he knows you can get sick like this, - but it's okay. Now he can look out for you, like how you do for him.

Sollux Captor

Well shit, there's a chance that he finds out a bit later than Gamzee simply because he makes himself busy.

He'd notice you not replying to his pestering though, so off his chair and out his roo-..respiteblock he goes.

God, he'd inwardly cringe a little when entering your human room because he can sense the sick in the air somehow.

Asks the humans upfront how to take care of a sick person, which is noted to be unusual by Rose but she promises not to pry.

Sollux also stays in your room, brings a husktop, makes a makeshift pile to sleep on and just monitors you until you're feeling better.

Occasionally he'll leave, but mostly to get food, water, so on so forth.

Lets be honest, locking himself in a room and not leaving is not something out of the norm for Sollux. it's not difficult for him to stay.

Lets you whine if you're an insufferable patient type of person, he can feel a bit irritable but he just can't let himself get angry at you while you're sick.

The thought of snapping at you while you're steaming like a stove-top makes him feel like a jerk, and he has a heart in his ribs somewhere even when he acts difficult about it.

This type of vulnerability is new from you, and he won't make you regret not pushing him away.

He'll bring you a controller to play games together if you feel well enough to play. Would let you backseat him while he plays if you can't but still want to do something together.

He'll pester others for your entertainment too, or if you have human friends who could send over something for you he'll ask them for it too. Comfort soup that you can't make here? Consider it done, your friend will bring it in a few hours.

(he doesn't wanna risk fucking up the recipe and give you food poisoning.)

You get to choose the background music when he's doing coding, still, ask for his attention and you will receive it.

He might honestly fix a few things wrong in your room that you didn't know about if he gets bored while you're asleep. Mild things.

Also replaces some of your old chargers with newer and less beat-up ones.

He might even purr (read: buzz) if you pull his heart strings (not that difficult) and say it'll help you sleep, especially if you have a difficulty falling asleep when sick.

All in all, he learns pretty fast. Not that you should tell him that right after you recover, it'd give him an industrial sized ego.

[stormy-neptune]

now that my friend @invaderziin727 has reminded me of it im gonna jot down my homestuck character operating system headcanons

john - windows

rose - mac os or some kind of linux (when me and sharpi were talking about it i think they said opensuse for her? and then later she'd switch to elemental os)

dave - hannah montana linux (later gets a custom build of debian from roxy with hannah montana themeing so he can still have it while having modern linux)

jade - skaianet os (fork of debian)

jane - crockercorp os (fork of redhat) or redhat enterprise

roxy - debian

dirk - arch

jake - idk honestly, probably some form of skaianet os

aradia - debian

tavros - ubuntu

sollux - dualboots slackware and gentoo

karkat - mint on debian

nepeta - mint

kanaya - fedora

terezi - pop! os with the most fucked up themeing. "1T T4ST3S GOOD!"

vriska - windows 8

equius - alpine

gamzee - opensuse

eridan - idk

feferi - idk im running out of oses i know

if you have any thoughts please lmk i pulled most of these out of my ass. also sollux was mainly responsible for getting the trolls on linux

[bookobsessed1412]

So, the kids and trolls win the game, enter universe C, and find themselves back on their respective planets, with their respective guardians/lusii all alive again(with the human guardians being siblings. Which means jane’s dad and John’s dad were cousins, because nanna and poppop were siblings, so it would be weird if their son(s) was/were the same person. Fuck. I wanted them to be the same person.) and they all remember both lives(the players have the memories of their new lives too). Also they’re all gods now, even the ones who didn’t reach godtier in the game. And the ones who went insane and/or evil (if you even want to keep them going evil and not just change it so they didn’t go evil) have turned good again and had redemption arcs and whatnot (whether they went evil in the first place because of mind control/brainwashing/mind manipulation or not), and Gamzee is back to being moirails with Karkat (if they ever stopped in the first place)(cause dammit I really like gamzee and i love gam<>(and/or)<3kat. Also, creepy-but-good gamzee is just as cute as original-nice-kind gamzee, so you can have him be either one).

Anyways. They still have the ability to communicate with each other over the internet or whatever even though they’re, like, galaxies away from each other or something. Probably a reward from the game. And they still have their sylladice even though they don’t exist in the new universe. And they have the ability to shift between troll and human forms. They also have the ability to switch between the two planets. Probably via transportalizers, which they have the ability to create.

So. With all these abilities, and the Alternian empire still being fucking awful (though maybe not quite as awful as before? idk.), they decide to create a rebellion/revolution. Jade finds a space relatively near earth to place the planets she still has(maybe freaking out astronomers in the process, what with new planets suddenly appearing out of nowhere), and they become a safe haven for trolls that they rescue that would otherwise have been culled for some reason or another (of course, they’re only allowed on them after a thorough mind/soul search using godly and/or troll powers to determine that they’re not going to hurt the consorts, as well as informing them of the rules and laws that they have (they probably went through all the earth and Alternian laws they could find in order to figure out which laws they wanted)).

Also, if davekat (which is tied with gamkat as my favorite pairing, with johnkat coming second), you could maybe make it a three-way matespritship-Moiraillegiance-human boyfriends thing between Dave Karkat and gamzee (davegamkat?), because Dave and gamzee totally would have got on like a house on fire if Dave hadn’t accidentally ruined everything by (accidentally?) mocking gamzee’s religion when gamzee was in a delicate place, and I really want to see them learn to like each other. You don’t have to, of course, but it’s rare I find Dave and gamzee learning to get along post-sburb, especially as oftentimes gamzee tends to stay evil, or just doesn’t get the chance to enter into the new universe.

[ekkotimesthree]

it’s also worth noting that trolls have best friends AND moirails! karkat calls sollux his best friend, and the feeling seems to be shared between them, seeing as they constantly fight and make up because they’re “best friends”. their friendship is mostly based on commiseration, since all they do is talk about how much they hate themselves, how terrible being a lowblood is, how much they hate everyone else (like gamzee and vriska), and uh, their inevitable deaths that they’re constantly aware of. this looks nothing like moiraillegence!

compare that to equius and nepeta, who function more like how we see a romantic relationship. ironically, they are almost an exact parody of how we see “discord kitten & moderater boyfriend” relationships, but both of these characters died before discord was even a thing. so what makes them different from a friendship? simply put, every time they talk, they are trying to help each other out in some way. equius is always trying to protect or defend nepeta, and she tries to get to him realize his interalized racism is making him miserable. now is this a healthy moiraillegence? no. nepeta has none of her emotional needs met, gets walked over pretty much every time she talks to equius, and she’s able to defend herself way better than any other troll could, let alone equius. karkat and terezi both point out that she should just leave him, and nepeta refuses because she sees the good person inside of him.

the other big moiraillegence that we see is karkat and gamzee. this is still a bit of a one sided relationship, but that’s mostly cause gamzee is too content to really need any comfort from a moiraillegence, while karkat is a huge ball of anger and anxiety, needing someone like gamzee who can calm him down. later on, karkat is able to calm gamzee down from his murderous rage, at which point they are called “palemates 4LYFE” by hussie themself. this is how moiraillegence is supposed to work! you not only help each other, but become better people in the process, like y’know, a healthy romance! it’s also worth noting that pap sooshing seems to be the troll equivalent of something like cuddling, due to trolls having way less of an aptitude for physical contact.

on the other hand, we have dave and karkat who facilitate between quadrants! it’s clear they have grey feelings for each other, but it’s also clear they have red feelings as well, based on their eventual romantic relationship, however, it’s undeniable that’s there’s some sort of black feelings involved on karkat’s end, seeing how he hates dave for a long time, and still argues with him on occasion when they’re together. this is what we would consider human romance! both karkat and kanaya prefer this way of having relationships, and vriska might as well, seeing as all the other trolls see her as toxic for switching between having red, black, and grey feelings for tavros.

it’s also worth noting that the red quadrant is more how we see hook up culture, or friends with benefits, rather than a traditional relationship. dave and terezi’s relationship falls apart because terezi doesn’t feel human romantic feelings. it’s sort of a taboo to start dumping all of your problems on your matesprite, like eridan does with feferi. so when dave goes into his relationship wanting his emotional needs met, he’s setting himself up for failure, because terezi doesn’t really do the whole grey feelings thing. they’re both looking for different things, which leads to terezi black romming gamzee, and all the toxicity that comes from that.

cronus also says that latula’s only maintaining her red relationship with mituna out of pity, and while he’s definitely a douchebag, he’s not exactly wrong either. their relationship is toxic by troll standards, because mituna can’t really be a healthy quadrantmate due to his brain damage making him need way more attention than he could ever give in return. it seems as though latula stays with him, mostly because she feels too guilty to admit that his mental state makes him not really able to provide for her, but his brain was damaged due to him saving her (and everyone else’s) lives. arenea said no one believed mituna when he tried to warn everyone in their session about their timeline being doomed, before he lost his cognitive functioning, which would probably lead to more guilt on latula’s end. so essentially, she’s having to be his moirail, a quadrant she never wanted him in to begin with, while he still is somewhat able to be her matesprite. all this leads to her putting up her signature rad skater girl front, which karkat and porrim both callout as a load of bullshit. it’s worth noting that arenea also says:

ARANEA: Ok. Even though Latula has 8een dating Mituna steadily for eons, it's hardly a secret to anyone that she and Kankri have had complicated unrequited feelings for even longer. So really, much like their descendants. Aaaaaaaand, we're done! Here you go.

so basically, the way trolls see moiraillegence is more how we see asexual romantic relationships! obviously asexual people can still be into making out, or more than that depending on what they’re comfortable with, but moiraillegence seems to have a hard line against kissing or bumping uglies. again, soosh papping can be seen as a stand in for cuddling, but we’ve never seen two moirails actually cuddle. karkat and dave don’t count cause they both have red feelings for each other.

people will really read my posts where i say the words "pale romance is romance" a million times and then tag my post with

"#this is why i think moirallegiance is queerplatonic, bcuz its something different from friendship but isnt romantic ^_^"

like. do you hear yourself right now. did you read the post.

queerplatonic relationships are an explicitly queer, specially invented "gray area" between and/or overlapping with friendship and romance, coined by aromatic people who dont experience romantic attraction.

moirallegiance is NOT in a gray area. moirallegiance IS A ROMANCE. a troll could BE in a "queerplatonic version" OF A MOIRALLEGIANCE, where they don't want to be expected to follow the romantic social norms OF MOIRALLEGIANCE....

[felinedae]

ooh can i hear your moirallegiance infodump...

THIS TOOK FOREVER TO ANSWER. OOPS

I’m gonna get to the gist of it with Gamzee and Karkat, as well as the cherubs. The characters who made me realize the connection between moiraillegence and family in the first place!

Disclaimer: My interpretation is not the only one and you are free to see moirails however you please! I am also not saying moirails are literally related, just that they act as found family. A way for trolls to experience the familial connection they lack :)

I’ll elaborate later if this confuses anyone but Gamzee and Karkat are both separately compared and likened to cherubs. I’d go so far as to argue that their relationship mirrors the cherubs’.

Gamzee’s total personality switch in Murderstuck, paired with his motif of the masks of tragedy and comedy, puts him in the position of both cherubs at different points in the story. Starting as the calm and (depending on your opinion of Gamzee) pleasant Calliope, and ending it violent and unpredictable like Caliborn. Karkat inverses this. His overall personality never changes, but his opinion towards Gamzee makes a U-turn post Murderstuck.

Gamzee and Karkat’s pale relationship was short lived (which was definitely for the best), but it is curious that whichever character represents Calliope tends to be the one initiating a moiraillegence. She is the one trying to mend the relationship between Caliborn and herself.

Karkat, and Calliope both fail at fixing the one they want to befriend, and end up dying for it. At least temporarily.

TLDR; Gamzee and Karkat are compared to the cherubs in many ways with motifs, character traits, and parallel relationships.

I have this entire reading mapped out for every moiraillegence in the story, but I’ll only explain the rest if people want them. There are small details that don’t warrant their own additions like Terezi and Vriska’s fake-out pale relationship and their title as the Scourge Sisters both being red herrings, or Dave and Dirk’s conversation before Collide being called a “ROOFTOP F33L1NGS J4M” (a Dirk and Hal conversation is called the same thing). I hope this analysis explains some stuff!

[luna-almighty-god]

An Ampora doesn't cry n°5 [HumanStuck]

Click here to read on Ao3

Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie

Please don't refer to this fanfic if you are looking for canonical information.

Rating M : presence of lemon / threesome becoming a foursome

Enjoy reading!

=== ===

Previous chapter

=== ===

The following week arrives quickly, and Eridan is proud to reveal, for the first time, his apartment. He took the initiative to invite the three idiots -yes, he insists on calling them that- using the excuse that "Since Gamzee is going to move in, we might as well take a look to see how he's going to settle in. And by the way, the other two can come so they'll know where to crash now."

Sollux remains dumbfounded, as do Gamzee and Karkat.

" ... An apartment big enough for two, you say? Damn it Eridan, you could house the whole gang, this isn't an apartment, it's a castle!"

Eridan answers them with a big smile. Well, he admits it, he was very modest when talking about his home. His apartment takes up a whole floor of the building, one would almost believe in a real house! The entrance hall leads directly to the large living room, which is itself connected to the kitchen. American style kitchen, beware! There is only a counter to separate the two rooms, giving a large open space. The living room has a large couch located in front of a flat screen TV, and Karkat is the first to get outraged:

"Holy shit, you have a curved TV?! You're kidding!"

The smallest one leaves to rave about the screen, while Gamzee quietly goes to open the doors. There are no corridors, the living room is the place to go from one room to another. Gamzee just takes a quick look: an office, Eridan's bedroom, a bathroom - gosh, there's a shower AND a bath? - as well as a laundry room...

" ... Wow bro, this is so cool!" comments Gamzee, his eyes sparkling, even if he doesn't seem that surprised. He must have lived in this kind of place before his parents kicked him out.

Sollux and Karkat don't know where to look anymore. It's not only the luxury of the apartment that disturbs them, but also the impeccable cleanliness. The living room is so... pure, devoid of personal belongings. You'd think no one lives there, that it's just a picture in a design magazine.

Sollux looks at Eridan, searching for the right words before asking:

"...isn't this...too big, for one person?"

In other words: didn't you feel fucking lonely the whole time?

Eridan gets embarrassed, pouts, looks away and shrugs:

"Better too much than not enough, right?"

In other words: Yes, but now I'm not alone anymore.

This makes Sollux smile, and he decides to relax and make himself at home. He goes to join Karkat near the TV:

"I brought my switch. Shall we connect it to the screen? It can be really good.

- Oh yeah ! A mario party ! Karkat is delighted.

- No, more like Mario Kart.

- In your dreams, you killed the game! There's no fun in playing when all you do is win!

- Winning? I don't win. I DEFUND you."

Sollux approaches a mocking face and Karkat blushes with shame:

"YOU'LL SEE, IT'S ME WHO'LL DEFEAT YOU!"

Eridan holds back a laugh, deciding to let them settle in while he joins Gamzee in... shit, where did he go? He glances around the other rooms, only to find him in his own room, collapsed on his bed.

Eridan clears his throat, hoping his embarrassment isn't too obvious. Other than Feferi, no one has ever been in here, let alone a handsome guy who has ever touched him a little too intimately.

"Gamzee?"

The respondent, who was staring at the ceiling, straightens up on his elbows and smiles at him::

"Hey bro~ Sorry, your bed looked so comfortable, I couldn't resist~"

Eridan shrugs, continues to look at him in silence, before hesitating:

" ... Are you alright? What were you thinking about?

- How lucky I am to be here! Eheh, this is great, too great!"

The taller one grabs him, pulls him to fall on top of him. Eridan lets out a squeak, turns crimson. Shit, he definitely can't get used to this kind of gesture.

"You're the best Eridan, frankly the best bro of all time!

- Pff... obviously, yes."

Eridan tries to keep his head up, to swallow his embarrassment, but it's hard to stay calm when someone is hugging you like that, on your bed, in your room, and then comes to kiss you on the cheek, then on the edge of the lips... and on the mouth...

"S-Stop!" exclaims the host, placing his hand over Gamzee's mouth.

The taller man blinks in surprise, and Eridan bites his tongue before looking away:

" ... L-Listen... it's not that I don't like it, but there... no. Not there, not like that, not here.

- ... Like this? Here?

- ... I... both of us... In my room... it's..."

Gamzee stares at him again, trying to figure out what he means, and Eridan holds back from calling him names for causing him such embarrassment. Damn it, does he really have to explain it like that, out loud?!

Eridan desperately flees his gaze, and feeling his breath against his palm doesn't help.

"...This is...too intimate..."

Gamzee finally seems to understand, as his eyes widen slightly. But instead of stopping, he grabs Eridan's wrist to take it off his mouth, and offers a mischievous smile:

"You want to close the door? The bros won't bother us~"

Eridan jumps to his feet and his expression is one of laughter. He winces under the panic, the embarrassment, the intense embarrassment that clutches his heart and makes him want to run away:

"NO!!!"

He has lost control of his voice, his scream echoes throughout the apartment. That's the problem with having a big space: the echo is too good. He and Gamzee stare at each other, one dead of shame, the other stunned. Eridan takes off, rushes towards the exit, crosses the living room to the kitchen. Gamzee follows him, his big legs allow him to catch up easily although he does not dare to touch him:

"Hey, Eri, was that a joke?

- Your jokes are shit!

- Well, maybe it was not completely a joke...?

- It gets better and better!

- You know I'd never force you to do anything, right?"

Eridan didn't answer. The memory of the amphitheater comes back to him, but he refrains from bringing it up. It would be too mean to accuse him of having forced him at that moment, knowing that Eridan somewhat indulged and enjoyed the treatment. But damn... !

" ... You're fucking boring." he said, sulkily, as he walked around the counter and focused on making a hot drink, just to keep his hands busy and not have to look at the others.

That doesn't stop Gamzee from coming and sticking to his back and hugging him shyly, with the attitude of the one who made a mistake and is trying to be forgiven:

"Sorry... are you mad at me?"

Eridan glances at him, tenses at his puppy dog look, finally growling as he refocuses on his drink:

"...no. It's not that.

- What is it then...?"

Karkat looks at them from across the counter:

"He's embarrassed, you idiot! You can see he's not used to it!"

Gamzee pouts:

"Is that true Eri? Are you embarrassed?

- N-No, I'm not embarrassed! I'm just...I... Argh, yes, I'm embarrassed! There, happy?"

Eridan gets out of his grip and goes to lean against the worktop, his drink in his hands. Karkat rolls his eyes and looks at Gamzee:

"You have to take it easy, idiot. Not everyone is comfortable with physical contact.

- Like you?

- I'M VERY COMFORTABLE WITH IT!"

It' s Karkat who is now crimson, and Gamzee laughs. He goes around to join the smaller one, leans over, winks at him:

"Well go ahead, show me~"

Karkat swears, comes to kiss him, but with such vehemence that their teeth clash, and the noise makes Eridan wince, as well as Karkat, while Gamzee blinks and finally explodes with laughter:

"Ahah, too violent little bro !~

- S-Shut up!!!"

Gamzee pats his head, amused, then walks away to join Sollux on the couch. Karkat seems to be the one pouting now. He joins Eridan in the kitchen, hands in the pockets:

"Tch, how boring..."

Eridan hides his smile and just shakes his head. He then proposes:

"Do you want to drink something?

- ... Mm... water, for now."

The host nods and serves him a glass. Karkat grabs it, takes a small sip, before setting the container back down on the counter without seeming to care more than that. He looks at Eridan hesitantly, seems to want to say something but finally remains silent.

" ... Is something wrong?" asks the one with glasses.

Karkat twiddles his fingers, eyes glued to the ground, wincing as he desperately searches for words. And obviously, being unable to speak, to explain himself, frustrates him enormously, makes him blush with shame. He just seems to want to run away, but is tugged by his ego, which is pushing him to face up, trying to get him to talk.

"I..."

Eridan isn't sure how to help him. So he remains silent, attentive, patient. What could the smaller one have to reveal, that it seems so hard to talk about?

"FUCK!" swears Karkat, who gets angry at himself, at the words that still don't come out.

He stamps his foot, opens and closes his mouth several times. Eridan feels bad for him, guesses how humiliated he must feel to give such a show. But even if he would like to reassure him and to take him in his arms, he is afraid that it doesn't help, that it embarrasses his comrade only more.

But Karkat suddenly grabs his hand, squeezes it hard, shaking, before closing his eyes, taking a breath, and unpacking in one go:

"CanIkissYou?!"

He almost screamed, and now he remains frozen, eyes closed, waiting for his answer like an ordeal.

Eridan blinks, bewildered:

" ... Kiss me?" he repeats, fearing to have misunderstood.

Karkat empourpre, nods sharply the head without daring to repeat himself. Eridan remains silent, taken by surprise, he clearly didn't expect such a request.

Suddenly, Karkat lets him go, moves back, as if he had been burned:

"No, No forget it, forget it, it was shit, forget it!"

He goes to leave the kitchen but Eridan holds him by the hand, sensing that something is wrong, that Karkat is no longer just nervous but downright panicked.

"But no, I was just surprised!

- Rah, no, leave it the fuck alone! I shouldn't have asked, I don't even know what I was expecting! I'm not Gamzee or Sollux, I don't even know why I'm trying!"

Eridan widens his eyes, before frowning and pulling him up, forcing him to face him, to look at him:

"But you don't have to look like them to kiss me!

- Of course I do! I'm not... I don't have the same ease or the same fucking way of turning the head! Look at this, in front of them you lose control, in front of me you talk to me like I'm a kid!"

Karkat releases his hands and brings them back against him, crossing his arms, shoulders hunched, closing in on himself as he looks down feverishly:

"You all do this... always treating me like I'm a fucking kid! They don't even give me a chance to be ..."

But he pauses, bites his lip, so hard that Eridan already perceives a little reddish liquid appearing. He understands that this isn't just a problem with him, but a problem with Gamzee and Sollux of which he has no knowledge. Although... he suspects, deep down, the nature of the problem.

"...I'm borrowing the bathroom from you." growls Karkat before leaving the kitchen...only to blush when he sees his two lovers staring at him from the couch. Shit, yeah, it's true that this fucking apartment doesn't have the concept of "private space."

Gamzee straightens up, concerned:

" ... Karka..."

But the smaller one ignores him, slams the bathroom door behind him. He doesn't seem so much to be mad at the others but rather at himself.

Sollux grimaces and leaves the couch, moves closer to the shower room, knocks gently:

" ... Karkat, open please."

Silence. Sollux insists:

" Can I come in? Only me? ... If there's a problem, I'd rather we talk about it."

A click. Sollux opens the door and rushes into the bathroom, taking care to close it behind him.

Eridan leaves the kitchen in turn to get a visual on Gamzee but is surprised not to see him. He walks around the couch, only to realize that he has curled up on it after pulling his hood down over his head. He looks so small and vulnerable in this position, Eridan feels his heart clench. He gets closer, sits down beside him, comes to rub his arm gently.

"...I'm such a fucking bad friend, aren't I...?" asks Gamzee piteously, hiding under his hood.

- ... No. You're just clumsy, like anyone else."

Gamzee shakes his head:

"... no... no, I'm such a jerk, I do nonsense... I do nonsense for my parents, nonsense for my buddies, nonsense for my boyfriends... I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm like this..."

Eridan would have cried about it. But it's not his place to be comforted now. He resumes a hard air, grabs the hood of the other without warning to pull it abruptly, revealing the defeated face of Gamzee. This last is startled, looks at him, the wet eyes, before remaining bewildered when he sees Eridan approaching and taking him a kiss. A long, voracious kiss, an experimental kiss too. Eridan has never done this, but he doesn't fancy a simple brush. No, he tries to devour his mouth, and this while pushing him back against the pillows.

Soon, the host finds himself astride his guest, breaks the kiss, breathless. Gamzee remains mute, breathes as fast as he does, and the situation seems so incredible. The taller man doesn't believe he's ever experienced this, no one has ever managed to just...submit him?

"F-Fuck bro..."

Eridan glares at him, and his voice becomes implacable:

"Apologize again for being yourself, and I'll slap you, is that clear?

- ... but...

- You're not an idiot, or a freak, or whatever the hell you've been told! You screwed up, it happens, but don't feel sorry for yourself for hours either!"

Because Eridan knows all too well that feeling of being the most laughable being in the universe, that feeling of shame and loneliness that makes you want to hide in a corner and never come out again. And there's no way he's going to let his loved ones experience the same thing.

Gamzee's laughter returns, more tender, more cheerful:

"Ahah... you're really... really the best."

Eridan relaxes a bit, finally laughing back:

"Yeah... Yeah, I know."

They take some time to calm down, before Eridan stands up, letting Gamzee straighten up. He goes back for his hot drink and takes the opportunity to bring one back to his comrade. They then sit down, one beside the other, in the sofa, waiting patiently for the two others to come back.

After about twenty minutes, Sollux is the first one to show up, very quickly followed by a Karkat with an elusive and slightly red look. Eridan and Gamzee hold back any comment but understand that he has probably cried.

Yet the smaller one stands in front of them, although he doesn't look directly at them:

" ... I'm sorry. I..."

He hesitates again, but this time he takes a breath, and suddenly glares at Gamzee:

"I WANT YOU TO LET ME DOMINATE! IT BORES ME TO BE ALWAYS PASSIVE! "

His face took again a beautiful red tint, but Eridan holds him in respect to be so honest on a subject which he considers so embarrassing. Gamzee, for his part, blinks before tilting his head, confused:

" ... Okay, yes.

- ... Seriously? You accept so easily? Karkat is astonished.

- We never tried, so yeah I'll try. Sorry little bro, I didn't think you were serious about it. I thought this 'want to dominate' thing was some kind of role-play where I had to submit you.

- BUT ARE YOU SERIOUS? I ASK YOU A MILLION TIMES!

- Yeah, every time we were in bed, so I thought it was a game?

- FUCK IT, I JUST HAD TO ASK YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION LIKE THAT? BUT HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO FIND THE OPPORTUNITY! IT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING!"

Karkat plunges his face in his hands while howling of rage. Eridan realizes that Sollux, remained in the background, stifles a laugh behind his hand. He keeps himself from laughing, sympathizing with the poor Karkat who is dying of shame.

Gamzee opens his arms:

"Do you want to try now little bro?

- Wh- BUT NOT!

- Just a kiss?"

Karkat cusses, grunts, looks everywhere but at the other three boys. He finally gets closer to Gamzee:

"...If you mess with me, I'll take you apart...” he threatens.

He climbs onto the sofa, settles between the legs of the taller boy, puts his hands on his cheeks and looks at him shyly, seeming to gauge the situation, thinking about how he's going to handle it. Gamzee keeps his smile, curious and patient, while Eridan observes them from the corner of his eye with the embarrassing feeling of being a stalker.

Karkat finally comes to put his lips, much more lightly than the previous time, letting their mouths move one against the other. Without moving away he moves his head a little, changes the angle, presses harder while pushing Gamzee against the back of the sofa, coming to stick his body all against his. He comes to nibble the lower lip, licks it with the end of his tongue, and the bigger one shudders while opening gently his mouth. Karkat embraces his shoulders, deepens the kiss, slides his tongue against his sister in a hot sigh.

Eridan tears himself from his contemplation, the burning face. He fixes an invisible point, trying to ignore the movements of the couple, the wet noises which invade the room. Shit... Shit, they really don't know the term "privacy", do they?

He is startled when Sollux enters his field of vision, and he guesses at once that he has an idea behind the head. Difficult to ignore the one with the two colors of eyes when this one approaches you and that, in spite of his glasses, you feel his glance piercing your being. Eridan swallows, moves back by reflex against the back of the sofa. Sollux approaches an amused smile, takes him quietly his cup of the hands to put it back on the table, before climbing on the sofa and stuck it there.

"Relax..." he whispers.

He brings his face closer to his, and Eridan almost perceives a laugh when he asks:

"Can I kiss you?"

Even when Sollux whispers, his voice remains mesmerizing. Eridan struggles not to look away, especially fearing that the other two will continue kissing. My god, what is this situation? That appears normal to them, to them three, to kiss each other like that, in the middle of the living room? He raises his glasses feverishly, bites his lip, finishes by nodding gently.

Sollux loses his smile, becomes more serious while he puts his hands against the file, on both sides of the head of Eridan. He mimics Karkat and begins with a tender, patient kiss, to begin the contact, to feel their lips brush against each other, to caress.

"...open your mouth..." he whispers, and Eridan shudders and complies.

When he feels Sollux's tongue between his lips, he closes his eyes tightly and holds his breath. He thinks he hears the other laughing again, but he is too embarrassed to get angry right away. He is nervous, too nervous. The tongue brushes against his, wringing out a squeak, and Eridan opens his eyes in surprise, in a flinch that causes Sollux to back away.

"... uh... are you okay? " questions the one with the vairons eyes, a little worried to be gone too far.

Eridan hides his red face behind his arm :

"No! No, you irritate me, moron!"

Sollux finds his smile, takes his hand, obliges him to show his ashamed and shy expression. He comes back to kiss him, without begging the authorization this time. A muffled moan is perceptible, difficult to say who pushed it. Eridan wriggles, closes his eyes, the heat rising to his head. The tongue of Sollux returns to titillate his, their burning breaths mingle, and in this flow of sensation, Ampora seeks to what to hold on. He claws the sofa, but startles when he feels a hand taking his, intertwining their fingers. He half-opens his eyes, only to glance at it, to realize that it is Gamzee's hand.

But Sollux prevents him from thinking about it and pushes him to close his eyes, intensifying the kiss, tearing him another unspeakable noise. Shit ... He feels the hands leaving the file to settle on his shoulders, come to untie his scarf, exposed his neck to the free air. A shiver seizes him, followed by a weak whimper when the fingers come to caress his nape.

Sollux moves aside, and Eridan takes advantage of it to catch his breath. At least he thought he had the time, but he reopens his eyes abruptly as a groan, very strong, very real, escapes him and resounds in the living room. Sollux, that bastard... ! At what moment did he slip his face in his neck, did he have the audacity to come to put his lips there, to suck his skin?

Humiliated, Eridan tries to push him away with his free hand, the other still imprisoned by Gamzee's.

"Wh- Sto-StopAH!"

He finds himself unable to articulate, his throat is devoured, snatched up by greedy lips, pressed. Nibbled by teasing teeth, he squeals, twists, arches. Each corner of his skin seems to burn him, as marked by the least contact.

"S-SOL-UGH!"

He hiccups, his vision blurred, taken by a fever that he does not explain. He looks for air painfully, his heart beats too much, he hears almost only that. That and his indecent moans, those obscene noises he tries to keep quiet, in vain.

Is it good? He doesn't know, he doesn't understand, it's close to the sensations that Gamzee made him feel, he feels himself going just as crazy, and yet his intimacy is not touched, there is only his neck that is taken by assault. Is this normal? Is it normal to be in such a state for this, to moan like he does, to have this feeling of losing your mind?

The pleasure is being choked by the panic that grips his throat, by the apprehension of what is happening and what is coming next, what attitude he should have... what attitude is he supposed to have?

"S-STOP!"

Beyond the scream, it's the sob that petrifies Sollux and causes him to sit up, to look at Eridan.

Eridan who can't take it anymore, who gasps for air as he can. His skin is hot, his neck marked by hickeys and bites - not very deep, but still. Eridan, who doesn't even stare at him, but on the contrary flees eye contact, pulls himself out of Gamzee's hand to wipe his face, to try to dry the tears that have escaped him. He sniffs, feels ashamed to almost cry for that, does everything to regain his calm.

The silence strikes him. He realizes that he had to interrupt the other two, and guilt tightens his stomach. He didn't want to spoil the moment, he only wanted to slow down Sollux, to calm down the game. He doesn't dare say anything, doesn't even manage to apologize as the "sorry" itches his lips. But the silence that lingers scares him, he still doesn't dare to look at the others. Did he piss them off? Are they mad at him?

" ... Sorry, I scared you..." Sollux whispers softly to him.

Feverishly, Eridan looks at him out of the corner of his eye, and a wave of relief washes over him when he doesn't blame him for stopping him. But pride obliges, the Ampora bites his lip and crosses his arms, haughty:

"No! But we had said 'kiss', just 'kiss'!" he scolds, and this in spite of his glance still shining of tears, in spite of the traces that it left on his cheeks.

Sollux grimaces by observing him, doesn't believe for a moment in this false anger. He dares to stretch out his hand towards him again, Eridan tenses up but lets him put his hand on his cheek and caresses him gently with his thumb.

" Yes, excuse me, I rushed. Is that okay?"

Eridan hesitates, looks away, passes a hand over his eyes to wipe away the last of his tears.

" ... Yes.

- And the truth?

- But it's okay I tell you!

- Tell me again, looking me in the eyes."

Eridan gets annoyed, looks at him again, but swallows when he sees Sollux taking off his glasses, plunging vairish pupils into his own. It's unfair...it's really unfair, how can he answer with that penetrating look on him?

" ... I..."

Eridan purses his lips, and no matter how hard he struggles, he finally lowers his gaze. He tries to hide his weakness by taking off his glasses in turn, only to pretend to clean them, as he searches for his words, searches for a way to not humiliate himself further:

"...I just didn't expect you to do that, that's all. It's just surprise.

- Did I hurt you?

- Wh- But no, but it's not that!

- Fear then?

- No, no I wasn't scared!"

Sollux grabs one of his wrists, Eridan is startled and raises his head, and this time yes, this time it is well of the anger which starts to seize him and which pushes him to throw a black glance to his interlocutor:

" Let me go!

- Eridan, it's okay to be afraid, especially about this kind of thing.

- I am NOT afraid!

- You're shaking.

- NO! I'M NOT SHAKING!

- You're screaming.

- BECAUSE YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF!"

Eridan doesn't know with what strength he manages to straighten up, to push Sollux and make him fall from the sofa. Sollux who doesn't hide his astonishment by ending up with his ass on the floor, while Eridan stands up mad with anger:

"I DON'T NEED YOU TO THROW OUT THE OBVIOUS, I DON'T NEED YOU TO PATRONIZE ME, I DON'T NEED YOU TO MAKE FUN OF ME!"

Sollux frowns:

"What?! But I'm not making fun of you!"

And as he straightens up, he spits with deep annoyance:

"Stop being paranoid, shit!

- Paranoid?! No, but it's getting better and better! You're the first one to say I need to find the right partner, then you jump down my throat and I'm not even allowed to take it wrong?

- I didn't jump down your throat! And you should have stopped me earlier if it bothered you so much!

- I tried to push you away, you didn't want to hear it!!!

- Because you were moaning! You liked it, didn't you?!

- BUT I DON'T KNOW! I NEVER FELT THAT WAY BEFORE!

- I THOUGHT GAMZEE HAD ALREADY TOUCHED YOU?!

- THAT'S NOT THE POINT!

- YES OF COURSE! WHEN IT'S GAMZEE IT'S OK, WHEN IT'S ME I CAN GO FUCK MYSELF!

- THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID!"

They are silent, only to catch their breath, their voices hoarse from yelling, but they continue to stare at each other. It's up to the one who will start again first, the one who will dare to break this brief moment of calm, the one who will provoke new hostilities...

But they are preceded by Karkat who interposes himself between them:

"Guys, seriously, calm down!"

And for it to be him who orders this, it is that they have to go. They break the visual exchange to observe the smaller one, only a few seconds, before Eridan turns away with a pest, putting a hand on his neck, hiding the marks on his skin. He makes about face and gains the bathroom, his steps clattering dryly on the ground, sign that his anger isn't appeased.

Karkat blows a blow, reassured that that doesn't start a fight... but it is Gamzee who makes the blow of grace by observing Sollux:

"Damn, he's the only one to make you scream so much."

Sollux chokes, blushes - of anger or embarrassment? - and retorts a magnificent "SHUT UP!"

Karkat rolls his eyes and gives him a blow of elbow:

"He's not wrong. First time I see you lose patience so quickly.

- Tch, I didn't ask you anything.

- Don't pout, Captor, and go apologize instead. Problems are best solved by talking, as you so aptly put it."

Sollux doesn't miss the mockery in the smaller boy's voice, though the latter is serious. He grumbles, massages the nape of his neck, before blowing and going in the direction of the bathroom, not without forgetting to put back his glasses. To believe that he is going to spend his evening in this room...

He knocks, but contrary to previously he opens without waiting for an answer, to fall on Eridan who stands in front of the mirror and who seems to disinfect some bites. There is a blank, the Ampora observes it in the mirror before simply ignoring it, frowned. Sollux enters and closes the door behind him, but the uneasiness is present. If he knows how to calm the game with Karkat, it is more difficult in front of Eridan.

"... I really thought you liked it." ends up saying Sollux, hands in pockets, without letting him out of sight.

The host grunts, continues to pat the slight wounds of his cotton, before taking out some cream and spreading a dab of it on his neck :

"... fuck you.

- I'm trying to have a conversation here. Can you be more open?

- To say what? To yell at you again that I DON'T KNOW? I don't know if I liked it, if I hated it, if you fucking hurt me and I want to do it again! I don't know, Gamzee drove me as crazy as you did, and if you must know I ended up crying in his arms! There, happy?

- ... But... Fucking happy about what?! I don't understand you, what's the problem exactly ? Are you angry with us ? Because we forced you ?

- No way! You didn't.. RAH!"

Eridan turns to him, annoyed:

"Forget it, get out, go back with the others, I'll join you!

- NO! Are you mad because you don't know what you feel? You always have to try new things, it's like with the motorcycle, you have to...

- I'M TIRED OF EMBARRASSING MYSELF!"

Sollux opens his eyes wide:

"...huh?"

Eridan nervously runs a hand through his hair:

"I'm tired of humiliating myself with every single thing I do, every single thing that happens! I'm sick of crying in front of you, saying stupid shit in front of you, freaking out over nothing, ruining the moment, just... shit, just shit, that's it! When I tell you that 'it's ok' can't you just accept it without questioning, without insisting and trying to do a fucking psychoanalysis? No because I have a shrink for that! Or I'll ask Lalonde, trust me that girl doesn't need a certificate to give you a full analysis!"

Sollux stares at him without a word, then massages his temples as he takes it all in:

"...no but...Damn it, Eridan Ampora, what's keeping me from hitting you?

- Wha...

- How do you expect me not to ask questions when you pushed me back to the edge of the tears? I forced you to the point of crying, and you want me to turn a blind eye to that? But who do you think I am, how can you expect me not to care if you cry? There is no humiliation! If anyone is humiliated it's me, me and my fucking guilt!"

Eridan further:

"Ok, I pushed you away too hard, but you were going too fast! That doesn't mean you should blame yourself, damn it! I don't need to be mothered at the drop of a hat!

- How should I know?! We've only been together for a week, let me learn to find the fucking balance, a relationship doesn't just work like that, at the snap of a finger!"

The tube of cream falls on the ground, surprises Sollux who is astonished, throwing a glance on the ground before looking again at Eridan who has the bewildered face.

"What? What?" he panics, fearing to have said a new bullshit which will start again a violent argument.

- ... We' re a couple?"

Eridan's voice was stunned. Sollux remained blissful.

" ... Huh?

- ... What?"

They looked at each other for a long time, equally confused.

" ... Eridan... We're... Yeah, we're together... ? No ?

- B-but I don't know, You tell me!

- What do you mean I have to tell you?! You should know!

- But how?! Well, kissing and touching me all the time doesn't mean we're a couple!

- Are you kidding me?! Do you let anyone touch you like that?!

- Of course not !! Only you!!!"

Eridan becomes flushed, brings a hand to his mouth as he looks away, suddenly more shy:

"B-But, it's just that... that I don't know, there was no... I never imagined... me, with you? It's...It's unthinkable."

Sollux frowns, takes a step forward:

"And why?

- But... But because it's me? I know you said you liked me, okay, but... Shit, look at me! Can you see yourself having a relationship with ME? A REAL relationship?

- Of course!

- I'm not talking about friendship or sex friend or..."

Sollux grabs his face, forces him to look at him:

"Eridan! I'm talking about being in a romantic relationship! Not just fucking!

- B-But...

- You, with me, Karkat and Gamzee! We all three agree, so..."

Sollux hesitates, bites his tongue:

" ... would you agree? You've already experimented a little... We thought you were already... okay?

- ... Honestly? I haven't thought about it at all...

- I mean, really... ? You let yourself be kissed without thinking?"

Eridan pouts, giving him a light flick on the forehead:

"Fuck you, it's hard to resist you..."

This time it wrings a smile from Sollux:

"Really? Why?

- Fuck you!

- We are irresistible?

- Damn it, Sol!

- Oh yes, sorry, you don't like my 'psychoanalysis' sessions ~ "

Eridan disengages with embarrassment to give him a blow in the shoulder, whereas that with the eyes vairons sneers. Annoyed, the Ampora picked up the tube of cream which he hastens to arrange, before passing his comrade to leave the bathroom. Sollux follows him with a smile in the corners:

" Come on Eri, say it! Say that you love us too~

- Rah, shut up!

- I won't let you go!

- I'm going to kill you Captor!"

Karkat and Gamzee see them return and exchange a look, holding back their relieved laughter. It's good to see that they've calmed down and are going to have a quiet evening again.

=== ===

Chapter 6

=== ===

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[painted-crow]

How would you sort the Homestuck characters?

...all of them? o.o

Well, let's try anyway :p

Sorting Homestuck

The human kids at least are easy enough, especially because they mirror their alpha/beta counterparts a lot.

John and Jane are double Badgers (John has some Lion secondary to him). I don't think anybody's surprised by these. John's MO playing the game is to wander around, take advice from his friends (and sometimes more questionable sources), and do stuff that seems like a good idea at the time. He's also a ridiculously nice person (too nice for his own good, if you ask Dave).

Jane is similar but she's more anxious than John, and she has some less healthy habits. We don't get as many active decisions from the alpha kids because their game is so messed up, unfortunately, and they're also under more stress but don't have much they can do about it. Still, it's not a stretch to Sort Jane as a double Badger.

Rose and Roxy are double Birds (though Rose has a LOT of Snake primary to her). Rose is pretty philosophical, but Roxy is the really obvious Claw primary here; her "should we even be playing this game" debate is solid evidence of that. Both of them have loud secondaries. Rose writes a game guide, then starts breaking stuff to figure out how it works, and she collects weird wizard tools and an entire entourage of consorts. Roxy has all kinds of lab equipment she uses on the regular.

The Strider boys are double Snakes. Both of them have very active classes and tend to roll with the game's weirdness. They prioritize themselves, they're protective of their friends, and they both seem to like bizarrely complicated plans--but having to throw out a plan (or break/fix a sword) doesn't derail them.

Jade and Jake are double Lions. I'm having a hard time thinking of concrete examples, but they are--they just vibe and do stuff. Jade tinkers with gadgetry, but her success is (according to the narrator) mostly due to good intuition. Jake likes to think he has battle instincts lol. That poor fairy bull.

But I've talked about the human kids before.

Let's try to Sort the trolls.

Karkat: probably Badger secondary. A few of the other trolls even admitted he was a good leader. At one point Vriska suggests more of the trolls might have made god tier due to infighting if not for him, lol.

His primary, I actually want to say Bird! Which, I'll point to *any* of his "arguing with past and future selves" episodes as evidence, haha. @wisteria-lodge notes that Bird primaries have a tendency to think of their past selves (from back when they believed things they now disagree with) as almost different people, and Karkat is the epitome of that--he's a Bird with a time-displaced chat client and he can and will flame himself.

Terezi, on the other hand, I would have Sorted as a double Bird, but after chatting with @magpie-of-a-birb recently, I decided she's actually a Lion Bird. She sees herself as an agent of justice, and sometimes she falls into black-and-white thinking. She's also surprised herself with her own conscience (stupid lousy doomed Dave and your stupid lousy complicity in his death...).

Her Bird secondary is loud. The Seer of Mind title just about says it; she uses what she knows about how other people think, and about the timeline, to come up with strategies and plans and courses of action.

Vriska, double Snake. Sorry. You all saw this coming.

Kanaya... hard to read. I think Snake primary? She might be a Lion. I want to say Bird secondary for her, she always seems to know what she's doing, but I wouldn't rule out quiet Lion there either.

I'll run through the others real quick:

Aradia, double Lion (burned primary).

Tavros, double Badger.

Sollux, Snake Bird.

Nepeta, Snake Lion.

Equius, probably an exploded Bird primary, Bird secondary.

Gamzee, uh... double Lion? I think??

Eridan, probably an exploded Lion primary, maybe Lion secondary.

Feferi, I'd Sort her as a Badger primary but she might just be a Snake who considers everyone hers, lol. Courtier Badger secondary, probably.

I think that's all the trolls. I'm not doing the dancestors, lol.

Bonus:

Calliope, Badger Bird.

Caliborn, double Lion (glory hound).

I'm gonna leave off the parents and Bec and the sprites and the carapacians and the Felt/leprechauns and Doc Scratch and the author insert and the wolf thing on the wall and... yeah all those dudes. Homestuck has a lot of characters, this is enough for one post :p

PS: If anyone wants to get into Homestuck, I highly recommend The Unofficial Homestuck Collection, which is a program and asset pack you download. This way, you have the entire comic and side comics--offline--and all the Flash games and animations in their original quality or better. Also, it's got features where you unlock the side content as you progress, and you can increase the font size/switch to OpenDyslexic, and some other cool stuff like that.

[jojotier]

JOHN

(Probably the most normal romance-wise, because of his eventual discovery of everyone's secret identities. As such, I don't need to separate anyone out for him.)

WITH DR ROSE-NOELLE/AGENT CESTUS : He genuinely does want to think of her as a friend! But he's also hyperaware of the fact that Rose is initially getting close to him to try and use him to get closer to Betty Crocker, and with the discovery of Jane having powers, he doesn't want to jeopardize Jane's safety. Rose is still convinced he doesn't know, but there's still some tension, because Rose views John, first and foremost, as a potential enemy.

WITH DR. HARLEY/JADE: That's his long lost sister! He has a long lost sister?? What's up with all of these family members coming out of the woodwork!! Why does no one tell him anything!!!! Point is, though, he trusts Jade and her intentions with her research and will do anything he can to help her out, even if it takes her a bit to catch onto the fact that he knows her real identity.

WITH DAVE/TURNTECH: He's pretty wary of Dave initially because of the propagandist angle, but after realizing Dave's work is pretty anti-Batterwitch, all those reservations are out the window. Dave for his part only occasionally tries to use John, and only for information gathering purposes. John plays along with Dave's roundabout needling because he also wants the Batterwitch taken down, but is overall just more comfortable with him because Dave doesn't treat John like a potential enemy. Things get a little bit tense, though, when John finally realizes that Dave is crushing on him hardcore, alone with-

WITH KARKAT: Karkat scares the fuck out of him initially, mostly because of the gun and also the clown bodyguard. After Karkat gets done threatening John to stay quiet about the truth of his network of connections, though, things settle down between them and Karkat is more than happy to exchange clarifications on what's going on so long as John gives him the goods. The 'goods' being pieces of relationship drama, as it turns out. Because oh God Karkat is so starved for someone else who Knows, and also Karkat might or might not have immediately fallen in love with John, except no he didn't, whoever told you that is gonna be dead by morning.

WITH GAMZEE/BARD: Jesus does Gamzee creep him out a bit. But John can't complain too much, mostly because he's Karkat's bestie and also because Gamzee is mostly pretty harmless, whenever he's not switched over into guard duty. Except after a bit he starts getting a little weird and jealous over Karkat's interest in him?? And then it gets even worse when Dave gets involved and maybe accidentally makes it seem like he's also trying for Karkat's hand to try and get Gamzee off of John's case??? John has no idea what to do here. (and does he... like Dave......?!?!?!!?)

WITH VRISKA/AGENT ARACHNID: Why does a librarian need a sword under her desk?? What starts out as John just going to the library to do some research and try to figure things out with even half of the political machinations going on around him leads to him getting Consistently Bothered by the world's most ornery and nosy librarian, who is definitely a secret agent and possibly spying on him, which is only confirmed when she gets weird and panicked into running and hiding from a random blind civil servant...?

WITH TEREZI/AGENT GALLOWS: at first, Terezi seems like a good distraction from whatever's going on. She can never seem to find the librarian around here, and gosh, couldn't this guy just do a poor, blind girl a solid and just carry her paperwork? At first John thinks he's found a semi-normal (if still weird as fuck) person who isn't involved in the spy shit- but over the course of several conversations, it becomes clear pretty quick that Terezi knows who John is and has been trying to finagle information out of him, and her spy identity is all but confirmed when he accidentally namedrops Vriska and she gets tense... point is, whatever Terezi and Vriska have going on, he doesn't want to be a part of it- but he may have no choice, when Terezi sets her nose on Dave and starts trying to get close, and John's just trying to protect his secret identity! He's not worried about if there's any romantic things going on here between them. Honest!!!

WITH KARKAT (AGAIN): Karkat becomes convinced that John is flirting with his ex, Terezi, and Gamzee becomes convinced Dave is flirting with Gamzee himself and Dave is convinced that Karkat is flirting with him even though Dave is bringing flowers to John's door every week and YET-

WITH KARKAT (AGAIN, AGAIN): Wait. is John.... flirting with Vriska? Even though she has a girlfriend???? And John is just desperately going NO, i am NOT, she's making me WARN HER about some woman, there is just some WEIRD TOXIC GAY TENSION going on between the spies??? and Karkat's just like oh damn story of my fucking life.

WITH KANAYA/AUXILIATRIX: There's a minor arc where Kanaya uses her Terminator-esque assassin-level bounty hunter skills to hunt John down and ask what the fuck he's doing with her girlfriend that leaves her hiding at her own job, and also threatening him a little with a chainsaw. As a treat. John straightens things out and promises to help Kanaya have more quality time with Vriska.

WITH FEFERI/LADY FISHER: After so long with all of these insane people it's nice for John to go to a party and chill out with one of the other Prospitian nobles who's actually pretty nice and chill and she's the fucking heiress of Derse? She's the runaway heiress of Derse??? Is no one here NORMAL. He mentions knowing Dr. Rose-Noelle and Feferi asks him to help her by being her wingman, since it looks like Dr. Rose-Noelle has an interest in her, and helplessly John's like ok I Guess!!! It doesn't help that John immediately catches onto the fact that Rose is trying to seduce Feferi.

WITH ERIDAN/MR. ANGELO: Okay this guy is weird and invasive but he's also outwardly Dersite, meaning he can't Actually be hiding anything when he comes over and asks John to Sabotage his wingmanning because he feels like Dr. Rose-Noelle isn't a good choice for Lady Fisher and WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN THIS IS FEFERI'S SECOND IN COMMAND.

WITH KARKAT (AS EVER): John desperately explains that Rose is trying to seduce Feferi who's trying to seduce Rose back and Eridan wants him to sabotage it so he can seduce Lady Fisher or Dr. Rose-Noelle (it's unclear which) but he doesn't know if either of them know the other's identity yet and he can't tell which is worse. Karkat's sipping his coffee going, "Well, this could be good or bad news then..." and they don't know. they do not FUCKING know that they're on the same side. John is at the end of his rope. Karkat asks if he wants to run an errand for a mortician and John's just like I Fucking Guess Man.

WITH ARADIA/MORTICIAN A: Not much to say here. John thinks the love of death and decay is a little weird and scary but Dave also has that interest so he ends up inviting Aradia over so they can all hang. And if he's just kinda looking at Dave gesturing with his weird preserved crow jar, that's no one's business.

WITH TAVROS/TOREADOS: not much to say here either. There's a brief stint where Tavros seems to be crushing on Dave while Vriska might be back to crushing on Tavros momentarily and it makes John confront the fact that maybe he has... feelings......? but otherwise he and Tavros are cool.

WITH NEPETA/AGENT ARSENIC: not much to say. He, Dave, and Nepeta all work on an art project together at some point, and it's all a very fun bonding experience. Nepeta confides in John that she thinks she likes a girl working as a clerk for one of the local courthouses and god fucking dammit of course the clerk is Terezi. John has even less of an idea of what to do when it's a Romeo and Juliet situation. Fuuuck

WITH EQUIUS/MR. STABLE: not much of a relationship here. John just thinks the guy is weird.

WITH SOLLUX/PASTOR/TA: it's unlikely that John even really meets this guy for more than a few fleeting instances.

ok. to procrastinate the coding i need to do i'm gonna figure out every single character's overall relationship deal in the spy comedy au. wish me luck

[the-hs-etaverse]

Driving

John: He’s a fairly good driver when he doesn’t want to fly, he just hits the brakes and the gas too hard sometimes. He also has no fear of tight turns. He will go 40 around a hairpin bend. “what do you mean, it’s not normal to have your body jolt from side to side while you’re driving?” He’s never been in an accident.

Rose: Legit has no fear of death. Also, she’s a New Yorker, so that automatically means she’s mediocre at best. Merges in as tight a gap as she can possibly manage. “I would have had plenty of space if you had only paid attention!” Listens to podcasts and audiobooks during long trips. Forgets to turn them off when the cops pull her over. Pays her tickets.

Dave: Decent. Plays the radio, but not very loudly. Has been known to switch on cruise control and put his feet up on the dashboard. Fell asleep while driving once. He woke up and saw that his car had been totaled and that there was lots of shrapnel in him, so he went back in time to fetch his past self out of the car before succumbing to his wounds. He is haunted by the experience to this day. Has never gotten a ticket.

Jade: Has never been in a car before. Never wants to get in a car. Dave makes fun of her, like, “all dogs love car rides and im sure youd love sticking your head out the window” but that only makes Jade more determined to avoid car rides like the plague. She teleports everywhere. She teleported to a hospital once and legit gave the nurse a heart attack.

Jane: Drives very well. Obeys all the rules of the road. Stays five over the speed limit. She keeps her car clean as a whistle: she makes everyone knock off their shoes before getting in her car, and God forbid if you eat anything. She probably has one of those “St. Christopher Protect Us” visor clips despite not being Catholic. (She’s Lutheran.)

Roxy: Is Not Safe. Has been in at least three accidents. Blasts rock music. One time [this is based on a true story], she was pulling into the driveway with her radio blasting away, and Dave, Jake, and Karkat were outside, and they started waving at her because there was something scraping the ground on the underside of her car. Her response? Turn the music up EVEN LOUDER, drowning out the scraping, and wave back.

Dirk: Excellent driver. Forgets to use turn signals. Occasionally drifts around corners, but only when nobody’s around. Occasionally puts Lil Cal in the passenger seat so he can use the carpool lane. For whatever reason, doesn’t ever let anyone ride with him.

Jake: Is a surprisingly good driver. Sometimes, he’ll get carried away with talking to his passengers and will have to be reminded to keep his eyes on the road. He uses one foot for the gas and the other for the brake, so occasionally, there’ll be this terrible grinding noise when he tries to brake. Put diesel in his car once. [Also based on a true story.] Nobody will let him live it down.

Aradia: Drives decently well, but does NOT put her hands on the wheel. She turns it with her telekinesis. She says “it helps me get a better feel f0r the car”. She has received numerous tickets. She does not care. The government can’t catch her if they can’t find her.

Tavros: Can’t legally drive because of his paralysis. He’s afraid of cars, partly due to his aforementioned paralysis. “dON’T YOU KNOW, hOW MANY PEOPLE, gET INJURED IN CAR ACCIDENTS,” Jade is more than happy to teleport him wherever he wants to go.

Sollux: Doesn’t have a license. Carpools with Aradia all the time. Knows how to drive in theory (because Video Games), but doesn’t. In video games, he’s fast and very prone to drifting, but somehow never crashes ever, except in the most extreme of situations.

Karkat: Doesn’t own a car. Very good driver. Complains constantly about all the other drivers. I mean, he’s good, so he’s justified? But still? Sometimes, he slows down in front of particularly pernicious vehicles just because he can. Slows down but does not actually stop at stop signs. Sings along with the radio.

Nepeta: Chaos driver. Makes U-turns whenever and wherever she wants. Goes out of her way to run down squirrels. (But not deer, because Equius would throw a fit.) Gets serious road rage. Honk at her? The next ten seconds of your life will be hell. Her car’s a legit mess.

Kanaya: The go-to carpool lady, if you're not in a rush. Very safe driver. Always drives the posted speed limit. Doesn’t move from the right lane, ever. Has threatened to turn Aradia in to the government. “Dont Make Me Turn This Car Around” Plays show tunes and sings along. Karkat and Roxy will join in.

Terezi: Legally blind and cannot drive. Is still a backseat driver. Every once in a while, she’ll yell “R4C3 R4C3 R4C3″ or something. Five minutes later, she’ll accost the driver for not using turn signals. Nepeta let her try driving one whole time, in an empty Target parking lot at 3 in the morning. It... went surprisingly well. They almost crashed into a line of shopping carts, but it still went well.

Vriska: Her license was suspended a year ago. Don’t ask why. She’s currently plotting to get it back.

Equius: Excellent driver. Stays 5 over the speed limit. Fixes everyone’s cars, so long as the customer does him a favour in return. His car is immaculate, somehow, despite letting the likes of Nepeta into it.

Gamzee: The epitome of not caring. Drifts over lanes. Coasts through red lights. Has miraculously never been in an accident. Has been pulled over multiple times but has never been arrested. The police are afraid of him for some reason. Tries to charge people to carpool with him, but nobody ever wants to.

Eridan: Pretty good. He also has a boating license. Never uses windshield wipers, for some reason. Is actually fond of hydroplaning? NEVER ride with him when there’s precipitation.

Feferi: CHAOS DRIVER ROAD RAGE GET OUT OF HER FREAKING WAY

Calliope: Very good. A little too tentative sometimes. Never takes a turn faster than like 5 mph. Not overly fond of driving. Doesn’t have her own car.

Caliborn: Reads your bumper stickers to decide whether or not to cut you off. Has his brights on in the middle of the day. Goes 30 mph in parking lots. So basically, not horrible, but also very jerkish.

[snowtimeisbesttime]

Thoughts and questions on Pesterquest Volume 5, routes 1 and 2!

also: sollux for volume 6 (route 2) you (might have) heard it here first

-The trolls' Prospit is still perfectly fine when we see it, as we still haven't done away with SGRUB. In Kanaya's route we see Alternia's Reckoning, the Land of Little Cubes and Tea, and our favorite rainbow drinker fan hunting for frogs in the clouds; meanwhile in Karkat's we straight up see his dreamself- who winks out of existence when he wakes up. John's did that too when he woke up after Prospit fell on the Battlefield, but I had thought dreamselves just teleported to their dream room's bed when the waking self woke up.

-Actually, I'm pretty sure we've seen dreamselves just existing on the moons when their counterpart is awake: John's before Descend, Vriska's in Make Her Pay, Dave's being on the computer and of course Dirk switching between dream and real selves, Roxy's flying out of Derse, Jane's when she dream revived (??), and maybe more I'm not remembering. Of course, dead dreamselves such as Aradia's or Jake's can't go anywhere.

-Possible candidates for Volume 6 basically trolls who were namedropped or had a cameo: Sollux (VERY likely imo, he had a good bunch of screentime in Karkat's route), Terezi (very likely too, as she's also a Peak Protagonist troll), Gamzee (less likely than the other two imo, though MC's been to his hive already), Vriska (could or could not........ it's a gam8le.)

-Worldbuilding: *happens* Me: *burning through my good note-taking pens*

~ROUTE 2~

-Now to Kanaya's route proper: she's got sunproof dresses just lying around. Very nice sunproof dresses, in fact. (the clothes collecting tradition goes on...)

-Rose immediately comes up on MC's mind when they look at Kanaya's room, though she's dealing with another Light player herself. Whose cameo here was practically expected, in hindsight. ::::)

-We find out that Vriska had been planning the whole Pupa Pan thing for Tavros for a good while. (Probably since she started planning Aradia's gift at least, though that was both a bigger project and also an... easier-to-see fix to what she'd done to her).

-And now that we've seen Kanaya's side of this, the panel where she finds out what the dress was for hurts a lot more.

(-actually kanaya spends a good bunch of her entire volume being sad??? and so does karkat??? and ofc jade did too????? That’s Fucking Illegal Let My Children Be Happy At Once)

-mc still remembers their movie date with polypa...... the feelings at least

-MC encourages Kanaya to finally tell Vriska how she feels, and it turns out she wants to be matesprits too... and it ends horribly. (Rose's bad route also seemed to be going perfectly well until it didn't).

-We don't know how much of the week she was out was spent travelling between their respective hives, though. (did she fucking run there and back???)

(-Kanaya's heart eyes, motherfucker sprite has jade eyes while Karkat's terrified sprite has grey eyes. Further fancy-eyed friends will probably have their associated color as well.)

-And by the time Vriska might have felt what Kanaya felt (the 3-way showdown) instead of just using her for her own benefit, it was too late.

-Bright colors seem to be a rainbow drinker thing, specifically? As opposed to being Alternian goth... (daraya's route explicitly states that she looks goth because she's wearing a lot of black, when she's actually one of the Troll Call trolls that wears the least black. What is the truth? We just don't know....). Meanwhile, chainsaws seem to be the go-to weapon of rainbow drinker hunters, like stakes are for us...

-Kanaya doesn't want a vampire gf, she wants to be the vampire gf! And before MC realizes that, they come way too close to a bunch of murderzombies. Now we know they can choose who they zap with them, with potentially disarming side effects!

-Undead blood is black like His Honorable Tyranny's, and probably something you should NOT put in your mouth.

-Sadly, Kanaya doesn't get to actually talk to the Tentacle Therapist herself, though she is assured that she'd like her. Mayhaps some other time, they will finally meet... hopefully in person.

~ROUTE 1~

-Weird knowledge of alien stuff absolutely takes a backseat to Friendship. Good to know retcon powers have an aim assist of sorts too.

-Karkat's theme gets a remix like John's Pesterquest one!!!!

-Karkat himself is as fucking zen as ever. And while he's got a wonderful good end (as in what happens -wise), his bad ends -all his routes even- are VERY much sadstuck to compensate.

(-Especially his short one... he finds out he's not the only being in the world besides his lusus with crimson blood, because he just murdered the other one... and then you think about how he immediately warms up to MC in his good route, and how he did the same with -past- Spades Slick, and then how his dreamself died in canon...)

-He can project his voice very well, just like a certain other someone who wore a cloak... Actually no shit he thinks ancestors are bullshit (besides vriska & eridan being 2 out of 3 trolls he knows that are into that stuff, and all that), his own's the most illegal one so neither him nor the aforementioned trolls he knows that are into that stuff would have found much stuff... (even Mindfang stuck to sneaking just the sym69ls in her journal).

-Did he paint his nails? If not, who did?

-Of course he'd notice this random alien was very warm. What he didn't know is that we're less cullable than we look like- case in point, Folykl. (actually, do we still have Plot Armor?)

-...Who was Gamzee talking to when we zapped into his broom closet? And why did Karkat freak out so much when he came close? He did know Gamzee was a clown, iirc... was he just leaking psychic spoops or what??

-The second Karkat finds out MC and him have the same blood color, they became friends in his eyes.

-Sollux (is here!!) kinda calls back to Dave in Volume 1, after Karkat and him finish their regular greetings and get to the point of the conversation. Hacking into the caste records is incredibly illegal, though Sollux's more than willing to risk being culled for Karkat*.

-We know there was an Adalov way before Hivebent time, but we don't know if that's our Adalov- and sadly MC doesn't get the chance to even hear that name. (it's too soon still.)

-How do we get rid of SGRUB? We take Karkat “The Fucking Leader” Vantas to Earth, obviously! Where he'll be able to play various skate games, bond with the kids over games left unplayed, and escape a certain death. Wonder how everyone’ll react to him disappearing...

-Narratively Unimportant Traits 1: dave loves olive garden's breadsticks!! Narratively Unimportant Traits 2: ...because he can eat a lot of them when otherwise he might not get to eat much of anything Narratively Unimportant Traits 3: karkat's been years perfecting hiding from drones that will kill him if they so much as detect his body temperature, and it's implied he may have been moving (will keep moving) from hive to hive as needed all this time because of the early warning systems, which warn him of his hive being about to go up in flames and killing everything inside it- including his lusus. We're in Hivebent's timeframe, but considering his good route's what takes SGRUB out, he might not even have turned 13 yet.

-Karkat's bad route ends with him just leaving, shrouded in Signless callbacks, after being put on a cull list not even retcon powers can escape from. ...That's also a way to get rid of SGRUB, I guess.

*Back to Sollux being a likely choice for volume 6- in Karkat's bad route, he repeatedly tells Karkat to come to his hive, after seeing him on the cull list and knowing there's drones after him. He knows and explicitly doesn't give a fuck about him being a mutant (though he doesn't seem to know how exactly is he a mutant). The last thing he tells him is “don't make me tell you how much i hate you.”

After that, he doesn't hear anything more from Karkat because he throws his palmhusk away, and then he just leaves into the wilderness. And even if we get the typical Friendsim timeline smoothie shenanigans, Karkat's on Earth in his good route and we don't know if he can still contact his friends. (Sollux can hear the imminently deceased. There's the chance that he might hear from Karkat one last time.)

If we do get the timeline smoothie, that's a hell of a motivation to seek out MC. (And even if we only follow the good route, Karkat still dropped off the face of Alternia after asking Sollux to hack the caste records and telling him MC was in his hive.)

[respawningjupiter]

Ok so hear me out on this...it's 2:30am here and I'm still awake after this thought....If we mixed Homestuck × Bnha then these characters are just gonna mix soook well!!!

Bakugou and Karkat = both angry boi's and kinda sorta the main character

Eridan and Ayoama (I can't spell rn) = both stuck up about their appearances and think highly of themselves.

Shinsou and Kurloz (instead of Gamzee) = many many reasons and this is was keeping me awake and why I wanted to post this.

Shinsou and Kurloz both are unlocked but the characters in the story, People think their creepy and villainous (technically Kurloz is). Both don't wanna make friends (but do ANYWAY) both purple, AAAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDD SJAHDJBAHDBS!!!!

Both can control minds!!!! :D Brainwashing and chucklevoodos! It's amazing and I'm so proud of myself. I want art of this amazing master piece 😍.

Sad that Kurloz stitched his mouth shut because of that incident tho :(

Anyway but the other characters I thought of were maybe Deku and Mituna??? Ochaco and Meulin? Tsyu and feferi!?!? Or maybe switch that!?!?

I do know that Mina and Kirishima are perfect for Nepeta and Equis (I feel ashamed now to say it) and Sero and Gamzee (high ass best boi bastards)

Perhaps Denki and sollux but a more...wait no....MITUNA AND DENKI! DEKU AND WHOEVER!

Here are some that I also think fit...

All for one × Lord English

Tenya Iida × Kankri Vantas

And will edit for what y'all think is best as well...

Aziawa and Shi sou would get along partially with the Lejions :/

Anyway everyone! It's now 3 am and I hope you all are having a wonderful time scrolling through here!

Quarantine sucks but we can make it through here! Do your best :D!!

This is a threat

[land-of-scripts-and-stories]

Prismatic

I came up with a swap AU that I’ve been enjoying world-building for:

I took everyone’s colors, inverted them, then set them to the nearest person’s color. This sets the colors as follows:

Jane- Red John- Orange Roxy- Dark Green Rose- Light Green Dirk- Blue Dave- Cyan Jade- Purple Jake- Pink

The trolls move six positions, meaning there are six pairs that trade: Karkat - Terezi Aradia - Vriska Tavros - Equius Sollux - Gamzee Nepeta - Eridan Kanaya - Feferi

I reversed the positions of the Kids regarding the Scratch (so the alphas came first) and flipped Roxy and Dirk’s households for fun (also because Roxy + Dave and Rose + Dirk seem to be a lot more alike and it interested me)

Everyone’s classes invert function and +/- (Prince/Sylph, Bard/Maid, Thief/Knight, Rogue/Page, Witch/Seer, Heir/Mage) The kids switch Aspects with whichever cross-scratch kid they don’t share a house with, and the trolls shift Aspects three back (with Karkat at 1 as a mutant), which results in this:

John- Mage of Hope, Rose- Witch of Void, Dave- Thief of Heart, Jade- Seer of Life, Jane- Bard of Space, Roxy- Page of Light, Dirk- Sylph of Time, Jake- Rogue of Breath

Karkat- Thief of Rage, Aradia- Bard of Hope Tavros- Rogue of Life, Sollux- Heir of Blood Nepeta- Page of Time, Kanaya- Prince of Breath Terezi- Witch of Doom, Vriska- Knight of Heart Equius- Mage of Space, Gamzee- Maid of Mind Eridan- Sylph of Light, Feferi- Seer of Void

I wasn’t really sure what to do with the cherubs for this so they kind of got left out whoops. I think I inverted either their aspects OR their classes, but I don’t remember which

The fun of the game is to make them fit their new roles whilst still keeping them relatively close to their original character. I’ve already designed Rose, Karkat, Terezi, and Aradia, and I have some pretty solid ideas for Dave and Vriska, so I’ll post those probably.

Bonus: I combined this with another AU idea, where I decided, “If SBURB is a game, does it have coding?” And if the answer is yes, the next reasonable question is, “Could Roxy and Sollux hack it?” Within the AU, the answer to both is a resounding yes.

The Game cannot be entirely stopped, so they set it up to give players from different sessions/realities the advantage of talking to each other, much like the goal of Rose’s GameFAQ, but more widely accessible. This manifests as a shared Derse and Prospit, with the canon players set as the High Royalty of the moons. The Black and White Royals may rule Derse and Prospit, but the moons belong to the Royal Players- a group of three/four sessions (depending on whether you count the Alpha/Beta kids as one or two sessions) who remade the Game the way they wanted it, and tried to help the other players as much as possible. There are rumors that, back when they first shaped this new world, they used to be humans and trolls (and a lone cherub without her match), but they found the right players to make them something new and different, a mix of everything else that no other player can be.

I’ll tag the color-shift as “Prismatic”, and the specific bonus AU as ‘MMO Moons’

[vrisma]

Yall ever wonder how can you translate how fucked up the beta trolls lives are in human universe?

Spy School Au

Able to include their talents into a specific thing they're learning at school

Aradia is mainly on the go archeological knowledge with some mortician practical techniques for when dead people end up in sites and why (looking for treasure, state secrets nearby)

Tavros is in some veterinary type school which includes training animals they might need in the field and helping the robotics team make realistic animal robots for spying or making sure trackers in animals don't hurt them

Sollux is a hacker

Karkat somehow ends up in management track because his screaming is endearing and makes people work harder, also works on psychological profiles

Nepeta is the hunting gathering expert for when persons of interest decide to hide out in the wilderness that most people wouldn't be able to find them in, excels at stealth and extreme self sufficient when off the grid. Ability to survive with no backup is unquestioned

Kanaya designs practically any outfit needed for specific situations. Occasionally works undercover as a designer or tailor for people of interest for ability to look harmless and making any spy gear an essential part of the design to gather information. Expert in combat will be sent in to extract agents or avenge them if needed

Terezi is the law expert sent in to work against or for criminals depending on what's needed. Interrogation expert and will preform assassinations when the situation calls for it.

Vriska is sent in mainly as a bad guy when an organization needs to implode on the inside and you want it to look natural. Gets people to turn against each other and raises tension until things reach the boiling point. One of the only agents trained to be at sea for long swatches of time. Sabotage expert.

Equius is the robotics expert works with everyone making sure spy gear is up to standards and making sure prosthetics are beefed up for any situation. Not allowed to spy because of his off putting manner

Gamzee is sent in for drug crimes generally as a dealer or an expert on new drugs. Had a bad reaction to a drug and mission is considered a failure and erased from the records.

Eridan is the weapons expert and also sent in deep undercover to criminal organizations mainly because he's so unpleasant higher ups would rather check in remotely.

Feferi is the daughter of someone high in the food chain and therefore not allowed to enter dangerous situations and instead heads the psychological department even though she's a little bad at it. Later switched to marine biology track and basically does tavros job with sea animals but a lot less training of animals.

[dafukdidiwatch]

Troll Rank 13

1. Karkat

2. Sollux

3. Feferi  (RIP)

4. Terezi

5. Kanaya (RIP)

6. Nepeta

7. Gamzee

8. Tavros (RIP)

9. Equius

10. Aradia

11. Vriska

12. Eridan

So....that sort of shook up the game. Let’s tackle some of the easier reasons first.

Eridan is the bottom, hands down. Betrayal is huge no no, and then to go and try to side with Jack? How cowardly is that! At least with Vriska, while I can’t like her for her actions and reasoning, at least her end goal is still to fight and beat Jack, not try to serve him. Plus, added into his constant flirting, trying to force people for companionship/red and black relationship, and his constant need to kill and murder things that don’t need to be killed and murdered (the angels), he is just tainted all around. I feel like, looking back, they should have been warning signs for him to turn traitor. God I hate my Troll so much.

Sollux jumped to #2. As sad as what happened between him and Feferi, he was actually genuinely charming, sassy, funny as hell, really cared for Feferi. We don’t see much of him, but when he does come onstage he really does shine.

And honestly? I was debating on switching him with Karkat for 1st. That is how far he jumped. So just keep an eye out for that.

And...well, the biggest question on everyone’s minds is probably Gamzee.

Why is Gamzee not any lower?

Well...it’s because we never saw him interact with anyone in person yet. Was his text type creepy as fuck? Hell yes it was. But he hasn’t really...done anything yet, other than being creepy. It...it is honestly hard to judge him right now, so I decided to stick him into the middle, neutral ground, until I can get a good vibe from him. (though the vibe probably won’t be good actually.)

I was also debating on whether or not to have a separate judging for High!Gamzee and Sober!Gamzee, but in the end I decided it wasn’t fair. The rank should judge the kids based on their current selves/actions with whatever information I had previously learned about them. It was what I did with Aradia, so Gamzee shouldn’t be excepted from it either.

[toffie-tux]

Of Soap and Shampoo

Word Count: ~1,210 Fandom: Homestuck  Summary: It wasn't that Gamzee was ever really clean. No, there was always some manner of mess, some level of dishevelment, some form of dirt that was on the guy. Yet, as of late, it was getting worse; worse to the point that perhaps it was time he, Karkat Vantas, handled the issue.

"Dude, stop squirming. Seriously, I am going to end up hurting you due to the fact that, for some reason, the concept of staying still somehow manages to allude you. Besides, I wouldn't have to sit you down and do this, but for some horrifically inexplicable reason, you cannot regularly take care of yourself in even the most basic of fashions. Both hygienically and otherwise, " the Vantas groused, hands testing the soapy water that currently enveloped the clown. It was hot, admittedly, but it was a necessity. Judging by a few of the deeper scratches' puss-infused state plus the particularly nasty knot that was Gamzee's mane, borderline scalding water was needed. If the hissing and glowering was to be taken as a hint, then he was certain that his moirail wasn't enjoying the bathing session at the moment. Yet, brow furrowed and lips pulled back in a miserable attempt of a snarl, the Capricorn was more so a pathetic sight rather than a terrifying one when taking into account how drooping his sharp features were, how gnarled hair was all but soaked, and how ratty tendrils clung to bare skin.

                                     The guy was absolutely pitiable.

                                                            Really.

"Don't give me that face, Gamzee Makara, or so help me God, I'll give you a reason to pout like the overgrown wriggler you are." Karkat grumbled, rolling his eyes, before reaching out for the nearest container of soap.

"Motherfucker, you're here trying to boil a brother. Why you got to be all mean like that? Seriously, shit’s already nine kinds of hurt to me and to these wicked feelings I got for you."

"Well, I'm so sorry this hurts, but you, sadly, need some help. Seriously. A lot of it, apparently, and cleaning your technicolored ass up is the first thing on my list of 'Things to do for my number one Juggaloser'. What the hell were you even doing, anyways? Did you just go to the middle of the meteor, pile together our friends' corpses and roll around in it like some impulsive, psychopathic barkbeast? You stink, and on top of that, you have more knots in your hair than a ball of string thrown out into the midst of a tornado, then blindly strung back together by a person who has never seen nor heard, let alone touched something like it before; some of these knots are honestly--Ugh, is this Faygo?!"

Fingers, previously coated in the thick shampoo, had just began to attack the mange that was his friend's hair when a particularly sickly sweet, sugar encrusted gnarl caught his attention. Jaw set, he leaned forward, digits entangling in the wild curls as he attempted to scrub out the sap-like nonsense. Giving yet another hiss, Gamzee snapped, shoulders hunched.

"Ouch, man! Ain't no need to be so fuckin' brutal--"

"--Then start drinking your carbonated sugar-syrup instead of wearing it! How does it even get in the back?"

"The miraculous methods in which our blessed nectar cannot be contained by mere reason and shit is a mystery to all those who are unwilling to see, my bodacious buddy."

".......That doesn't even make sense, but instead of further questioning you about it, I'll think I'll just drop the topic since the current level of dumbass I have to handle is already at full capacity. Move your arm a bit."

At once, the Makara leans to the side, lifting his arm as Karkat's eyes rove over a particular nasty scratch along his ribcage; its ragged, indigo-purple line stretching from underneath his bloodpusher all along his side in a jagged, slanted manner. Clucking his tongue, he removes his attention from the matted hair to the wound instead.

"How did this happen?"

"Clothes kept gettin' caught on all them little loose screws and also kept making a brother all slick because it gets hella hot when you fuckers turn on the damn heat, so I took 'em off, y'know, because the shit was getting hinderin’. Anyways, some bent panel caught me, man, when I was movin' and trying switch ways."

"So, " Karkat replied, quirking a brow as he dipped a rag into the opaque waters, "You're telling me you that you were crawling around the vents sweaty and completely naked, then? Is this what I'm hearing?"

"Of course not, my precious little brother. Nah, I had some face paint on then. Can't be too scandalous, now can I?"

He gave a leering smiling, winking, before abruptly hissing as the soap-and-water drenched cloth was pressed against the stinging cut. Shooting a glower over at the Vantas, the clown lapsed into a momentary, pouting silence while his friend continued to wash away the crusted scab along the shallow, possibly infected gash. Then, after the moment of gentle scrubbing passed, Karkat leaned back once more.

"You're an idiot. You know this right? Look, from now on, while in the vents, we're making a rule that says you have to always be dressed no matter how hot or cold it gets. I'll try and keep better track of the temperature so you aren't being cooked alive, but if the heat gets too bad, you can hunker down in my block anytime. Honestly, I don't mind so long as you keep your stupid horns off the floor and wash your face before you try to hug me or something. Funnily enough, I don't like having that clown sludge on me. It's probably toxic and literally stains everything."

Returning to the other's curls, he continues his efforts to detangle the majority of it by hand. Perhaps, once the Makara was at least partially clothed and somewhat dry and bandaged, he could take an actual comb to it. Truly, how did it even get this bad? Shaking his head, the ministrations were slowed as fingertips worked the soap down into the pitch locks further. A hum in response was all he received in response to his offer, though the gangly Highblood came to lean back into the massaging motion, nuzzling Karkat's hand whenever it ventured too close to his eyes or mouth or just his face in general. The bathing process continued in comfortable silence. Blood, crusted or freshly dripping, was washed away. Grime, dust, and dirt was scrubbed off and into the water. Knots were, eventually undone by the constant attack of stubborn digits and globs of scented shampoo. In the end, as the Vantas was drying his hands, did Gamzee break the quiet.

"Yo, Karkat?"

"What, Gamzee?"

" 'M pale for you."

"Yeah, " a slight smile graced Karkat's features before he muttered, "Pale for you too."

Rolling forward, the Capricorn extends his hand, fingers spreading to form half of a diamond. Dripping, grinning, and so flawlessly relaxed, it was hard to not return the gesture. Relenting, Karkat stepped back over to the fellow and, with a firm nod, finished the other half.

"Moirails till the end?"

"Till the end, Karbro."