#also btw he told her he thinks I’m beautiful. I need to vom. he’s right though I am. and “slaying all the time” in his words

[emawinslow]

so far behind that I’m going through some sort of middle school crush drama at age 19 in college. and I know there’s no such thing as being “behind” but I feel behind.

[lonleygirld]

The Talk.

thematureapprentice / August 20, 2018 

 After my chat with this chick last month, I messaged my partner that we needed to talk. He came around the next night.

The first thing I asked him was where did my birthday flowers really come from? He was the only one that knew I would just like to be sent flowers for once, so I genuinely thought it was him.

He insisted that he brought them online for me, I then asked why there also wasn't a card. He said he got me a card but forgot to bring it. I asked him if he could show me the receipt, he said he couldn’t because he didn’t ask for one. In fact there wasn’t even an order invoice sent to his personal email. I was furious at this point already.

So I guess, thanks E...... for my birthday flowers, they were absolutely beautiful. I know they weren’t for me really, but I appreciate them and would love to return the gesture one day.

I then told him he needs to start from the start. He told me he met you on a game when he had to move back home briefly. His excuse was he didn’t have anything to do since work let him off and it was a 8 hour drive to see me, so he guesses he decided to start something with someone.

I’m actually pretty disgusted by my ex partner these days, like who can fucking do this to people. Apparently he was cyber fucking 3 girls from the same game, while dating 2 girls in Australia. Nice form bro.... He then said the cyber fucking went up to 8 girls while still dating 2. VOM.

I told him I didn’t understand how he could do that, when he has said he is a-sexual and has hardly been sexual with me. Also couldn’t wrap my head around it because of that time we had an argument about polyamory and when he brought a book on open relationships (which was a great read btw, I don’t think he even finished it). How can someone say they are so against all that crap and yet do all this.

Like I am sure if he was just honest about everything none of us would have had a problem with any of it. I’ve always been open minded since the day I found a girl attractive and I’m sure he knew that. But honestly I just think the fact that he was lying about it all was what hurt the most. He always talked so highly of truth and honesty, yet here he was being, I don’t even know what to call him.

My heart broke this day and I sure as hell didn’t want him in my house any more. But we kept talking, he told me how, some of the money from our joint account went to gifts to her, how he felt really needed by her and not by me, how he actually truly loved us both, how he only got Barli because he thought it would be cute for us both to do our walks with a dog each. Which speaking of he came to my house a couple of days ago and said “You need to keep Barli or I’ll take her to the pound”. So mad. I’m sure that’s kinda what he did to us girls as well right.

Pretty much anything he told me, I couldn’t take in as truth and just nodded my head and accepted whatever. I still don’t know what is what these days. Hell I don’t know what in my house is actually mine or hers or some other girls. I do know I’m going to rip open his Steven Universe toy soon, that CUNT didn’t even like that show. LET ME APPRECIATE STEVEN! Actually I might do that today since I’m home sick lol.

He went on to tell me how he was the one paying me for my commissions and he could see how happy that was making me so he didn’t know how to stop. He said he tried to get out of a lot of relationships but didn’t know how, which I believe I mean we broke up like nearly every second day. He told me he was cyber fucking this girl that this other girl hated. I just didn’t want to hear anymore to be honest.

I told him to take what he wanted and to leave, he didn’t take anything. Just took the SIM card out the back of his phone and left. We shared the same phone bill. So I guess that was nice of him at least. He left his laptop, his consoles, which I don’t understand why he had them, he never played half of them. He never really prepared me for the shit he talked to my Mum about. I would have appreciated him a little if he did.

The reason everything escalated so quickly was because he didn’t know how to push off seeing her anymore. So apparently the cunt pretended to be me messaging everyone that he was dead and I guess that is why now I’m coping shit? or people think it was me to begin with? Whatever. I’m just glad his bullshit is over and he can’t use that persona again.

I guess the other thing that came out of this talk, which I really would rather not mention but should talk about. Is he was catfishing as a girl too. Well just before this all went down, apparently I was talking to a girl and we hadn’t really gotten to the part of exchanging anything really or full face pics. He was pretending to be one of the girls he was hooking up with. All I really know is she’s got a cat and was studying and lived in Australia. I only messaged her like 4 times on Line, like I’ve said in my past posts, my life is pretty full on with work. So yeah I thought I was looking forward to a new friendship while really I was just getting played from all angles. 

I guess that’s why I am having dreams about you, or kinda wanting a friendship with you. I feel like that person he was pretending to be, was you. But everything will be okay. xx