#also apologies if he’s a little yassified in some of these

[vampiresfromxenon]

Astarion as silly Tumblr posts :) pt. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

[bitchslapblastoids]

TIT But You’re Fake Avoiding Spoilers Which Just Means You Kind Of See Everything But Also Have No Context For Anything

(this is my understanding of the show at present time)

Dan and Phil run out and wave in every direction hey hi hello hi hi in the back hello hi

Straight in with stories of their lives with hyper realistic set designs and barbies that they make fuck with increasing degrees of intensity

You think you know us now do you? WELL.,,,

Conspiracies debunking segment (boring snooze honkshoo switch it up fellas give us something fresh)

Ok Somehow Phil is a now linguist and dan is a lawyer they do some random mad libs style alternative universe shit. fans shout out meme-y nonsense as a PA tries desperately to spell things correctly for the big screen.

They sit on stools and calmly yap for 5 minutes straight about some random ass topic to prove the point that we…like them and think they’re funny? Ha ha you sure got us with that one boys!

Intermission?

They sing a little ukelele apology ditty Dan seranades phil on one knee except also sometimes he twerks at his face? Then they smash the ukelele??

Phil has a sad but ultimately uplifting monologue about privacy and coming out and people sending shit to martyn about him and dan?? But now it’s all good bc now he’s out and we helped even though we ruined his goddamn life too but shhhhh he loves us yay pandering crowd pleasing positivity yay! Meanwhile: dan is sweatily yassifying backstage.

Sister Daniel comes out and does confessions and a horny little dance and grinds up on Phil who puts on a priest costume that Dan has thrown at him as he sits bamboozled in a chair

Somehow this transitions into Dan and Phil wrestling? boxing? Ultimate Dan vs Phil? it’s horny and insane and dan gets gagged with the llama hat while they back their asses up into the other. Not sure whose ass is backing up into whose and when. seems like both and always. Some poor referee is somehow involved.

They chase eachother around the aisles?

They perform a euro pop banger it’s suddenly a rave where’s the molly at the phannies are bopping but oop the lyrics are heartfelt but oop it’s the Dan and Phil HOTTOGO dance oop Phil is so behind in the moves isn’t he don’t look at that though confetti lasers strobes (we said no strobe lights but PSYCH THERE’S ACTUALLTY A WHOLE RAVE OOPS)

The end you’re all sweaty and shellshocked and crying happy tears.

[brooklynisher]

I feel sad so hit me with your most silly and most absurd spg hc /facts

@6early--human

From the Patreon Q&A: Zer0's biggest fear is the unknown, which is basically everything because he doesn't know a lot, but once he knows what it is he's okay.

His favorite game is Mortal Combat. He feels really bad and apologizes frequently every time he kills someone but he is CRAZY good at the game. The other robots have to ask him if they can win.

But take that with a grain of salt since they were making up all that stuff on the spot

AS FOR HEADCANONS

I like to think that sometimes when the bots want to mess with The Spine, they like to steal his head and run off with it. The Spine has to chase them down with his body (since it's still functional) but he only has eyes on his head, so he has a very difficult time navigating. He runs into stuff frequently. That's what the others do it for. Usually, someone like Peter or Annie has to shut it down.

Not really MY headcanon (as in I don't COMPLETELY hc it) but I like to think that Spine's vision highkey SUCKS. He often relies on bright lights to get around. That's why he couldn't find Zer0 Rabbit OR GG when they were literally right in front of him. (Rabbit and GG were hiding behind Zer0. Zer0 covered his eyes) Also why he saw stage lights and his instant thought was "sunset". And why he has to look so closely at the setlist. He doesn't realize his optics are bad though. He thinks that's normal.

The robots like to play hide and seek with him a lot because they know he sucks at it.

The robots often get scolded for playing. Not because they are playing, but because when they're running around the manor with all their weight, it makes the most obnoxious thumping sound imaginable. Like, have you ever been to a place where kids were upstairs and you were downstairs? You know how much noise they make? Now imagine that but 10x worse. The idea is so funny to me for some reason because how could you not know when they are playing.

The Jon has plenty of storage in his house. Plenty of drawers, cabinets, and cupboards. But they're all filled with little drawings he's made. (Or gravy) He's not the best at drawing, but he keeps doing it. If you go to Biscuit Town and ask him for some government papers, you're going to have to give him a minute, because he does NOT sort his papers. Sometimes he'll get distracted partway through the search to show off a random doodle he made one time.

Also The Jon wants Weird Al to be his dad.

If Upgrade gets a phone call, and she doesn't like the conversation, she will simply say "Bye-bye" and hang up. She doesn't care if you're a spam call or if you're Commander Cosmo himself. She holds no priorities. It's complicated though because it's not really about whether or not you're having a good conversation with her, it's whether or not she's enjoying herself. If you want to have a serious conversation with her, you'll have to sprinkle in that seriousness throughout the call instead of focusing on it. Essentially, you want to call Upgrade? Then be prepared to put on a show.

Sometimes, when Zer0 sees an animal he thinks is really precious, he starts crying. You've heard of cute aggression, now get ready for cute depression.

Hatchworth likes to use portals to jumpscare people sometimes.

Rabbit and Upgrade sometimes decide to target a random bot and then yassify them. The others have caught on to this, and are now super weary of Rabbit and Upgrade being together when the victim is alone.