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edge-oftheworld · 2 months ago

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albums and activism part 3: blood on the drums by ashton irwin

I was debating whether to include this here and so early on, but blood on the drums seemed the best album to use to illustrate an important point: you can't do any activism if you're dead.

and this is a 5sos blog anyway sorry for nothing but white men to this point

I'm going to go through track by track and discuss how each song talks about mental health and why this is important. Figure we probably need less of an introduction to ashton, but the historical activism on his/the band's part is going to be woven into it. This is dark, even for one of my posts. There will be mentions of self harm, suicide, domestic violence, and addiction below the cut, so please stop reading if you need to; I'll post a reblog of this with the rest of the songs on this album once that section is over which you can skip to once it's up.

but if you can stomach it I’m also proud of this analysis please read it lol

Straight to your heart: this is an excellent introduction to the album to me, because it's an upbeat pop song about love, but if you listen carefully you get a glimpse into darker topics running through the whole song. The album is the same: it's fun and an excellent listen, but it also delves into some really important subject matter regarding all things mental health.

Straight to your heart's bridge, barely 2 minutes into the 'thorns' side of blood on the drums, is where we start to hear 'you kill my loneliness' followed by 'if I'm not with you I'm better off dead'. This prompts a new hearing of the chorus, and what is meant by 'you'll be my hero here in the dark, saving my mind from ticking'. What exactly does the protagonist need a hero to save him from? He's talking about death 2 minutes into the album. And we'll touch on this later but first, I want to draw a parallel between this and 5sos in general. A pop/rock band who write generally upbeat songs with excellent instrumentation and vocals and lyrics that are sadder the more you listen to them (it's no surprise that this is the genre of song Ashton has gotten good at writing). I think that we forget that it hasn't always been normal, but they've been pioneers at starting discussions about mental health in the mainstream music sphere for almost a decade now; especially Ashton and Michael in the early days. They've been honest and vulnerable, sharing their own experiences with things not everyone understands or has compassion about, with the world, for the sake of us fans.

I think it's time we talked about how we can make sure we're being compassionate towards them as well, as well as towards ourselves and each other.

Break up: I do this weirdly morbid thing with this groovy banger where yes, it's a song about cheating, an imaginary scenario for a lot of us and something we've been hurt by for a lot of us too. But it can also be listened to as a story illustrating an important (and terrible) intersection of men's and women's mental health (in a heteronormative society, though neither position is unique to men or unique to women, there is just unfortunately one type of scenario that dominates statistically, and that is men's violence against women (but also against trans, genderqueer and other marginalised groups)). 'In my imagination, the heaven I'm building, you two come together but you don't leave here with him' aside from jealousy, what's another reason you might really want someone you care about to break up (right now) with their significant other and be with you instead?

Here, the concept of a lover being a hero and a lifeline is reversed. The love interest is empowered with the autonomy to decide when to break up with their current lover, while the protagonist tells them what they want as well; but also empowers them with the corrective experience that being in love can be fun. They don't have to feel small and worthless. The protagonist finds hope in the fact that 'you say I'm not like him'. Maybe they're just horny but maybe it's that abuse takes many forms, but has a common impact on the self esteem of the party being abused. Here, the cheating can be read as a way to take that back, a way to feel empowered again to make the difficult decision to 'break up... be with [the protagonist] now' where they might otherwise feel trapped.

I definitely don't think this is the intent of the song--but I also love the idea that when deciding who to blame or even demonise, things aren't always what they seem.

Blood on the drums: the whole concept behind this, getting blood on your instrument (drums) because you’re giving it your all, is brutal and evokes a certain kind of dark imagery in of itself. It reminds me of the old ‘play me til your fingers bleed’ (you ruin me, the veronicas, referring to guitar), a self-destructive kind of passion, which calls back to the concept of ‘working your fingers down to the bone’ as an image of striving and often exploitation. Blood on the drums (song) tells of feeling trapped and waking up and realising the worst of it was a dream but living with the memory of your own subconscious torment still. It speaks of the insecurity of uncertainty when there’s a lot on the line because you’ve invested everything in this endeavour (will I stand or will I fall; will I ever learn to fly, will I make it out alive?) surrounded by the disbelief of others who insinuate that success is impossible.

But hard work does pay off, sometimes, and that can be said of creating art, of activism, of recovery. Sometimes the blood on the drums is necessary, the blood, sweat and tears you put into something are worth it in the long run, a sacrifice that’s more of a multiplying investment. And for those of us who have the ‘bad dream’ of a trauma background to recover from and brains we have to work to work with, survival doesn’t come naturally, I hope you do give it your all. I hope you do learn to understand the difference between the blood from a life-saving surgery and the blood from another injury that’s unnecessary suffering. I hope you learn to channel your urges towards the latter towards the former. Both in yourself and in society. Sometimes blood on the drums means triumph. This is also an album of triumph.

I did briefly want to touch on the concept of guardrailing and the dignity of risk as alluded to in the second verse. I’ll let you research these terms on your own, but I hope you know that you have the right to autonomy to decide what risks to take and you have the right to work yourself as hard as you choose to (but no one has the right to force you to. sometimes it’s satisfying and ends up being the road of least harm to push yourself. Learn to identify that. Learn to just not listen to the haters. And to have boundaries and where oppression can’t be escaped, find ways to take autonomy over yourself as much as possible in ways that are, in the long run, healing—even if they don’t look like it in the moment or to the outsider. If you’ve been anywhere in this fandom the last 5 years or so, you’ve heard about the value of trusting your own intuition). Let this tune convince you you can have the thrilling and worthwhile life you dream of.

anyway did I mention I really love this song? and album?

I see the angels: I think this is a song about religion and finding the holy in the mundane, including and especially yourself. it plays off Christian themes such as glory following suffering (ie I’ve learned to fly with both hands tied). do you see an angel in yourself after all you’ve been through?

‘I don’t see the light but I see the angels’ implies that the protagonist hasn’t found the light of enlightenment and salvation that Makes Everything All Better people like to stereotype. It’s not all fixed. Everything isn’t all better. There’s no ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ but there are angels all the way there. And the song nuts out a bunch of the trials along the way. Trials we go through surrounded by angels if we look for them. Angels that might just be within us; we might be the angels that we need for ourselves first and foremost, but also for each other. It’s a beautiful song of resilience through really dark times. It pairs perfectly with blood on the drums (song). It’s worth it do go through hard things. If you love it let it kill you.

(And it means it’s really sweet how ashton called luke ‘a real life angel’ for his birthday last year and then made a post just to tag calum as an angel in his life recently too, I get the impression it’s a really high compliment to him, and we’re really blessed to get to see this song of discovering there’s an angel in yourself and live it alongside him.) Some people don’t know how it feels. They don’t see the angels. But a few more of us do, thanks to this song.

tw suicide and self harm for the following paragraph

there was a tumblr trend from maybe 10 years ago of referring to people with self harm scars as angels. I think it came from a viral post that may or may not be around, popular enough to pop up on my pinterest feed at the time (I could probably find it in a few hours if I tried, I haven’t). the viral post from sometime in the 2010s in the peak of the ‘if you have one of these 3 mental illnesses that are the only mental illnesses that exist you’re too soft and gentle for the world and can never do any wrong’ was an explanation of the really sweet and tragic worldview of a child whose teenage relative had died of suicide (framed as going back to heaven). here’s my message to all the angels reading this. I believe heaven is real. but don’t return (yourself) to heaven before your time. there are angels all around you and we want to make your stay on earth including all the hard and painful things as liveable and enjoyable and satisfying as possible. this is what we do activism for. it’s also what we build friendships for. cherish the angels in your life past, present and future.

There’s a lot more than just 3 mental illnesses and the mental health movement of the 2010s has been criticised for only covering those that are already the least stigmatised and most common. Mental illness also doesn’t absolve you of personal responsibility and doesn’t mean you’re incapable of doing wrong. You’re still just as valuable. And when it comes to activism: some things we go through can mean we have to take more care of ourselves and that may mean being judged by others in the movement. But there’s also a chance that having had dysfunctional and destructive habits of your own, you may have better insight on how to enact change than someone for whom moral behaviour has come easy due to their privilege. Still, cherish yourself like you’re an angel. And balance it out with ‘if it doesn’t hurt it doesn’t thrill you’. Sometimes that can simply refer to trying to figure out how to behave morally.

Lose you: if you’ve heard any 5sos album you know that themes of emotional dependence on a partner and insecurity make regular appearances in their songs and have for at least a decade. Including in the upbeat pop songs such as this one, sometimes it’s not that deep but behind every ‘if I lose you I know that I might not make it back’ is a fear that feels very real at least at some point.

Contrary to the last two songs, we get lines like ‘done chasing’ and ‘why risk it’, ‘pressing on the brakes’ to prevent impulse decisions that turn out to be mistakes. Knowing your heart can break. Asking, ‘am I in my right mind’ rather than simply suffering and calling it normal. Self preservation is actually another part of the picture. Realising we rely on others is too, even among the hard work and prioritising looking out for ourselves. This is the song that highlights the fact that you can’t do activism or be there for anyone if you’re dead. The song that gets you thinking about how to go upstream and choose a bit of self preservation sometimes, long enough to realise that no, you’ve not been in your right mind for a long time now and you’ve been acting as if your heart can’t ever break. You know it can now. And you can sing a happy sounding pop song about it!

Rebel at heart: now we move onto the self acceptance middle section of the album. I feel like this one continues a lot of the themes of I see the angels: how you see yourself, and sustain yourself through times of suffering, recovering your identity almost. Except what's interesting to me is the different connotations of the concept of being an 'angel' vs a 'rebel' and how they're both referring to who you are inside, and in a lot of ways to the exact same thing in this context. Pop angels and punk rebels perhaps? This is a duality that 5sos as a band very much straddles. But who says that these things are actually so different? Angels are associated with sensitivity, but can often be associated with divine justice too. Rebels are shunned by the structure of society but carry with them a certain association with street cred, sympathy for the oppressed, and leadership in standing up against injustice. Surely that hints towards a sensitivity to injustice and to the idea of being stifled? It's a more masculine trope, sure, but Ashton has explored masculinity and sensitivity before in songs like Scar and it's interesting to see the two intersect possibly more than we realise, when we take off the goggles of false dichotomies that really only have to do with the relation to authority.

I've talked before about how I appreciate this band when it comes to accepting myself and this rare and stigmatised neurodivergence I have that centres around easily feeling trapped and needing a lot more freedom to feel like myself than most people. Rebel at heart really captures this for me, and the realities of an unaccommodating world: burnout, escapism, destroying myself trying to play pretend (because I'm not actually capable of sustaining it). And in the end, when you feel the boot upon your chest (any kind of oppression, suffering, even the kind created by our own brains) there's something you should never forget.

Don't you see who you are? Coming out of the dark? You're a rebel at heart. Gonna blow them away. When you're feeling the pain. You're a rebel at heart. It's motivational and it also captures the disability that is the pda profile. That's just one of many applications of this song. It can apply to the mental illnesses we've discussed already. Maybe the 'angel' trope doesn't really work. Maybe the 'rebel at heart' trope works better. Maybe it is empowering in that it gives you the framework on how to live a life that's authentically you and it might not fix everything but it's easier to survive it when you've taken off the weight of other people's expectations on top of everything else. You don't just have the options to go back to heaven or to suffer in a world not made for you, even though yes, the world isn't made for you. Because you're a rebel at heart.

Oh, and it makes it almost expected of you to do some kind of activism when you're a rebel doesn't it? Luckily we've also now got a bit of a blueprint to be able to survive it, sensitivity and all. I can't stress enough the importance of this song.

Last night of my life: we're thinking about death again, but not in a hopeless way. Tomorrow's not guaranteed. We've seen people live and die. So let's acknowledge the fact that these people have hurt me and not pretend to still like them. Am I satisfied with my life; if it were a project I got to rest after, if it was the only thing I did til then, would I be happy? Only if I confess to you all the rain left in my chest. I have a story to tell. It involves not pretending that there isn't rain for one. And when I think like this, for once I don't wanna skip to the end.

It seems self-explanatory, a bit existential, but when you take it in the context of the thorns, of a life filled with suffering, it's actually a beautiful and hopeful piece that says, satisfaction is possible for you. Don't waste your life pretending to be okay, not accepting yourself and how you feel, you've got your whole life, and it's gonna be good if you make it your own. It's the rationale behind all the storytelling. You could extend this to activism too: if the rain left in your chest is filled with compassion for those who need it, yourself included, it's gonna hurt you more to keep it in. And do we need to plan out how we do all this? Absolutely. But don't wait. Don't put it off. Be a rebel and give it your all and cherish yourself for the angel that you are now. If lose you is about not letting impulse decisions become regrets, lnoml is about not letting inaction and waiting to be yourself and live your life become regret either. I love how these songs are spliced together.

Indestructible: The final song of the thorns, with a riff that takes us back to the introduction of straight to your heart? How perfect. It's almost its opposite: a dark song with hope and empowerment, as opposed to a hopeful song with some morbid references. Your mind is in the gutter, there's no heaven above--let's not understate the picture that the verses create just because the chorus is victorious. It paints a picture and says, you can get through this. Heads are gonna roll: when it feels like you're surrounded by enemies you're going to beat them. You're indestructible. While we're talking about mental health and the things we struggle with this song injects validation and empowerment and an amazing beat to get those chemicals popping in our heads. You know you're a rebel at heart now. Don't you run, run, run, run run away, get out of the darkness and into the day. Master the mantra, before it's too late.

I love how universal this encouragement is. The more we hear the song, the more we can read into it. Relate it to our own experiences. I could go on. Onto the interpretations of the tip of the knife giving you life every night and just how much background and legitimacy it gives this song as a motivator and shield in battle. But it's dark and it's hopeful and that's not easy to create.

The Canyon: Now that you've been hyped up and you can take it, onto the main song about men's mental health. It’s really relevant, right now especially. We’ve got so far to go on this one and it breaks my heart. Because of the people we’ve seen suffer. Because of the people we’ve lost. Because of the people who maybe would’ve learned to be better people and not hurt others if they had the help they needed. If they had their (emotional) needs met which apparently is something people still don’t think men have. This song is fairly self explanatory. You can see the fire on the mountain (ambition or whatever, everything we/men are told to want or do want, are chasing etc), many men are victim to the canyon.

just like ashton, I grew up just downstream of the blue mountains. they’re a famous national park just out of Sydney and one of my favourite places to visit. Something the mountain range is famous for is its canyons. To explain it simply on a geographical level, imagine you make a cone (hehe see you in the cone lol) out of wavy paper. Think corrugated cardboard but worse. As you climb the mountain there are ridges where you can travel easily upwards. Between these ridges, the heavy mountain rains have carved out really deep trenches starting at the top of the mountain and descending really steeply. They’re not like the Grand Canyon. They’re dark with rock walls on either side of you that go upwards for days and block out all but a sliver of the sun. They’re cold and they’re filled with water and you don’t ever go in them if it’s raining, because you might actually drown. They often have waterfalls in them that are 30+ metres in height. It’s impossible to climb up inside the canyon, you need to be on the ridges for that (but they’re fun on the way down if you have a wetsuit and good ropes to abseil the waterfalls, but that’s not what this song is about). Many men try to climb the mountain to get to the fire. For whatever reason they end up in the canyon where it’s impossible to climb out unless you go downstream first. Whether because they have no one to teach them how to find a ridge, or they slip, it doesn’t matter. Many men are victims to the canyon. Too many. And I don’t see nobody taking action.

and I know. It’s not just men. Women suffer a lot of mental illness and sexism and the emotional labour we’re meant to do play a big role in that. Trans and genderqueer folk have alarming statistics because of a discriminatory world and being a marginalised experience, along with other factors like high correlation with neurodivergence. These are all conversations we need to have.

but the thing about mens mental health is that more often than not, it’s not a matter of being discriminated against and being vulnerable to exploitation. For some it is. For others it’s expectation that’s too big for reality and no one saying that your worth isn’t in your achievement. Your appearance. Not being allowed to talk about or even feel emotions in a way that’s gender affirming. Especially for Black men, there’s people being scared of you and having to grow up too fast, mask your true self because of it. I also want to tentatively suggest that (and often for good reason too, stay safe people) men having a breakdown are more likely to be seen as dangerous and potentially abusive than someone who’s overwhelmed, hurting, needs help but probably doesn’t know how to let anyone help them. And autistic meltdowns can be terrifying coming from a grown man, so can manic episodes, bpd episodes, psychosis. No one has the obligation to stick around where they could potentially get hurt, but at the same time, there are often no alternative resources given to be able to create a place of safety to be able to unpack the emotions and the neurobiology behind such an event. It’s just having to promise to control yourself even if you’re not sure if you can, until you inevitably snap and someone does get hurt, and then there’s punitive justice, on top of the guilt. Not all the time, but sometimes all of this could be prevented by normalising self awareness, especially if you have a condition that means you’re more likely to express violence or a need for control either towards others or yourself. We’re doing better at normalising getting help. We need to do better at destigmatising getting help and learning to repent and forgive yourself when someone already has been hurt, lest it becomes a vicious cycle of believing who you are is only someone who can hurt others or hurt yourself. You’re never too far gone. Getting better is always possible. Yes, even for men.

It’s just a different set of overlapping factors wherever you are on the gender spectrum and with a bunch of cultural factors thrown in. The canyon talks about men, still the overwhelming majority of suicides despite having a lower diagnosis rate for most mental health conditions (implying that men are far less likely to receive appropriate help). Ashton is a man so that is his experience. He wants to talk about that. The suicidal ideation, how it’s pushed aside until it seems almost inevitable gonna die boy. getting harder to deny boy. Longing for external help from someone with a little more emotional awareness who’s able to lend you some safety to sit in that feeling. How hard it is to face the day and face life when the wave of sadness feels constant, like the torrential stream of water when you sit underneath the waterfall at the base of Empress Canyon (which, over time, erodes the rock to create a pool metres and metres deep. I don’t know if he ever thought of this metaphor but I thought it was cool). How more often than not, your emotionally unavailable dad was emotionally unavailable (and scarred you as a result) because he was experiencing the same thing. struggling. How can you process when the exact thing that made life still so difficult for you was the fact that someone you relied on was in the exact same position you are now? Doesn’t that make you feel helpless?

I don’t see nobody taking action.

California Holds Her Breath: I heard snippets of this one before I heard the whole song, and as a result, I can’t unsee in it the same compassion and pride and admiration which ashton looks at his bandmates with. And hopefully himself a little too. I don’t know who the dancer from Indiana is, but I do know of a four-piece band from Australia who came to California and went through some really amazing things but also some really hard things, who have talked about battling things like addiction and who we’ve seen worry for each other too. Who left the stability and support of a home country which they didn’t quite belong in, that didn’t give them the opportunity to chase after what they wanted at the time, for homesickness and the kind of danger that comes with experiences and substances that are only going to make things worse if you’re already unwell or have some vulnerability to addiction or a trauma background or you just feel alone or one of many other things. From the sounds good feels good era of bathroom-graffiti-like angsty confessions to the makeup and tears of the youngblood era to the surrounded-but-alone vibe of 5sos5.

I didn’t address the alcoholism references in rebel at heart. But I feel like this is the other side of you’re blacking out with alcohol don’t drown yourself again, this world just don’t feel right for you and you don’t play pretend. you’re just another falling star you’re burning out again. It’s deciding to be the rebel you are and to create but it’s hard and you’re bleeding and you’re still blacking out with alcohol after crying underneath your makeup and bathroom graffiti confessions. It’s the same melancholic longing and loneliness we’ve gotten as a vibe from this band forever. that over the years has taken some dark turns and we were holding our breath when it did because stardom is so fucking dangerous especially if you get into it because you felt like you were missing something to begin with. It’s they cursed/gifted you with emotion and creativity and so you came to california. will you make it once you’re there? california holds her breath.

(reblog coming with the rest of the songs)

#woah this is long okay #albums and activism #blood on the drums #botd #the roses #the thorns #ashton irwin #5sos #5 seconds of summer #cw suicide #suicide ideation #cw sh #mens mental health #cw alcoholism #cw addiction #cw violence #dv #ipv #thought we maybe really need this rn idk

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ask-dinopants · 4 months ago

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Check 1 Check 2... Is this thing on?

Hello! Zuko Mod here! Or I guess I should properly introduce myself, huh? Seeing as I'm no longer an anonymous mod!

If you're not caught up, allow me to explain! This ask blog is run by one @pass1onepr1ncess! (That's me!) I'm a 21-year-old genderqueer lesbian! That's pretty much all I'm gonna say about me on here, but if you wanna know more feel free to follow my main! And if you're interested in another ask blog I run, check out @askphf!

Anyway, onto the rules!

Mature asks are allowed! However, keep in mind that I will not be responding to any asks or submissions that cross the line. You can be silly about it, but don't be gross. Any asks that go too far will simply go unanswered and will likely be deleted. And if anyone decides to be particularly annoying with it, I will not hesitate to put you on blast and tell you off in front of the entire blog.

Most of the other ask blogs I've seen use screenshots of the characters with each response, but I will not be doing that here! I made this blog to have fun, and I feel like if I have to go searching online for an image everytime I answer an ask it'll just end up sucking the fun out of it and feel too much like work. (But I've been considering doing little doodles for certain asks!)

You can ask me (the mod) questions, but I will not be answering anything too personal or invasive. Also, don't get too off-topic. If you have something you really want to ask me, my inbox is also open on my main!

You can ask about other characters, but just know that they won't be answering asks! I might do events here and there where I'll bring in other characters for a short time, but for the most part this is an ask Dinopants blog! Meaning Diego and/or Hot Pants will be the ones answering asks!

As the askphf followers will know, I like to create stories with my ask blogs that follow linear progression! So there will likely be character development, story events, etc etc. Here at the start, though, keep in mind that these two are NOT in a relationship yet! Keyword: yet. I get being shippy and such, but don't be pushy about the shipping stuff, alright? Be patient and just have fun watching everything unfold!

For the sake of a heads up, just know that Diego is going to be a bitch and HP will likely talk about religion from time to time! Thought I'd put that here, just so you're aware of this going into things.

Asks will be tagged with [#asks], but I do reblog art pieces and non-inbox related text posts from time to time! Those will be tagged with [#not an ask] as well as the content in them! For example, if the reblogged post is general fanart for SBR, I'll tag it as [#not dinopants] and [#art reblog]!

With that said, welcome to Ask Dinopants! Inbox is open!

#diego brando #hot pants #hot pants jjba #hot pants jojo #dinopants #jojo part 7 #jojo steel ball run #jojo sbr #steel ball run #jjba part 7 #jjba steel ball run #jjba sbr #jojo's bizarre adventure #jojos bizzare adventure #jojo no kimyou na bouken #jjba

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foxgloveinspace · 1 year ago

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@thoseeyeslikefire @absentviolet @kyloreno-911 (if anyone else wants to be tagged in my knitting updates and wants to tag me/us in their knitting updates just shoot me an ask!! And I'll try to remember to do so! Also If I'm supposed to be tagging you and I'm not, just tell me please!)

This is a long one!! And It's in the middle of the week cause I was waiting for yesterday, cause I got a little yarn haul, and then I was super excited and cast on with some of the yarn lmao.

I'm talking a lot about knitting plans today too, along with some of my w.i.p.s.

Firstly, my halloween/skulls cardigan is on hold for the moment, just cause I don't have enough yarn to finish it. I am almost done with side one, and I have used two and a half skeins, and I only have two left, and I'm on row 27? I think, of 31. I think. So I'm gonna get another skein this week when we go grocery shopping, and hope that it will be enough lol.

the first pics of the post, lol. You may be going 'Fox, didn't you just finish this hat?' the answer is yes! But while i was making it, my mom fell in love with it, and so I cast on another one immediately after. I am probably gonna finish this up today, but I decided to include pics, cause I'm keeping it in this really cute halloween bag my aunt gave me.

I am not mad about making another of these hats, I love the pattern (its the Ryegate Hat), and this yarn. I am so in love with this yarn, it's the Light Weight Essential Cotton Yarn by K+C. I love it so much in fact that I think I have more knitting plans with it. In this color too, cause it will be perfect for the project I have in mind.*

next we have part of the yarn haul, lmao. I was too excited when I got new sock yarn and immediately cast on a new pair of socks. I am making A Little Hocus Pocus socks, and I am making them with Paton's Kroy Socks Yarn in the color Midnight Orchid. It reminds me a lot of the genderqueer flag, but that wasn't the reason I got the yarn lol. I honestly just saw it an fell in love with the colors, and it didn't hit me that it matches my flag until I cast it on. I just thought it looked very magical.

the second part of my yarn haul are these beautiful skeins of Fishermen's Wool from Lion's Brand, in the color oatmeal. This is also kicking off my knitting plans for the future part of the post this week. This yarn is going to be used for a Gaia Shawl, which will be my Birthday Shawl for this year. Last year I started a tradition of casting on a shawl on my birthday, I made a Campfire Cozy shawl, and I knit on it during November and December and then I lived in it in January and February. I'm very excited to have a new shawl in the family tbh, even though I mostly wear them around the house. I don't know if this one will take me as long, and the Campfire Cozy has SO many textures, and the 'lace' portion was so complicated I started it over at least twice. I was also watching The Musketeers while knitting that lol, so that didn't help my concentration.

But because I can't cast that on until the 26th, I'm going to be picking back up my pass the honey cardigan, its been off to the side for a couple months now. I think I was just frustrated with it tbh. I like it a lot, but it was going to be a gift, and now it's just...... Here. And while I do like it a lot, I also feel a bit guilty about it?? Cause I tried so hard to make something my sister will enjoy wearing, and I couldn't find it at all. Very sad about that. But I do want to finish it, and I also think I have an idea about something I could make her in the future. But yes, I do want to finish that cause I think it will be great to wear in January.

*And Lastly, going back to the Light Weight Essential Cotton Yarn by K+C, Next month, a sweater pattern from the.creabea (Rebecca) called the Stick Season sweater will be coming out. And I am head over heels in love with this sweater. So I am going to be knitting it in the same yarn as the hats I've been making (both cause I have some left over, and because I think it will be amazing in this yarn). She also just has some absolutely beautiful knitting patterns, and I want to knit her patterns that are coming out for advent season this year too. I think her other sweater pattern that just came out, the Alder Sweater, is absolutely beautiful, but I am very intimidated by it, lol. Maybe one day I'll give it a try.

And that's it from me this week! Thanks for reading if you made it to the end, happy knitting and crocheting y'all!

#knitting #dakota knits #very much so #<3 <3 <3

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brainpoo · 1 year ago

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Almost accidentally came out to a friend who is totally okay to come out to, he's trans, but, like, I can't write stuff I will die, inside.

I think I'm gander fluid, but might just be some other thing

What I do fuckin know is that I'm getting my chest removed, or at the very least smaller there's nothing good about it not for a women and not for a man

I'm not non binary tho

I think

It doesn't feel like I am?

I am jealous of their bodies

Being able to wear whatever and it's always fit, the stores always have small sizes and wearing over sized also works perfectly, whatever they want to wear and be comfortable with will look good at them

Obviously I'm talking about the stigma of genderqueer ppl, super skinny, but, fr, everyone I know like that fit the description PERFECTLY

Except me

Cus I didn't have any friends in childhood so the only, ONLY thing I had as a routine, as the thing I do do, was calling my mom to ask what there's to eat

And then go back to doing NOTHING

I barely had a phone and didn't had social media so nothing to kill my brain and time

And when my family was home they didn't do shit with me and at the weekends if we did stuff it was things I suffered from cus WHAT CAN I DO I DON'T LIKE THEM no I don't like trips outside no I don't like walking for hours in the sun just to nothing

Like what? See more trees??

Idc frfr

So anyway

I moved the "one thing I do every day" as a way to kill time unfortunately :( and I over ate

Also I found out most of my friends meals are smaller then what we usually ate at home so that might be related also

Also I don't like working out even though I do enjoy sports, now that I look at that it's probably the showers, I try to avoid them if possible and if I work out I have to take one

So I just got fatter, and my fuckin tits that is so weird to address them cus I don't think of them as part of my body

I actually can barely grasp my body, I don't feel that it's mine I keep thinking of it as the "trans stigma" cus that's actually how I would like to look like, being able to look more like a boy, or being able to wear tighter clothes that I would actually enjoy if my chest didn't made me want to just take a fucking knife and slice them off, BE GONE go like butter, just smooth the surface and fix that shit.

Over all I wish I was strong enough to have (in my head, the ""right"") eating disorder, ik it's a horrible thing to say, a lot of people struggle with it and their body can get extremely hurt from that, one of my close friends have it and I see what it does

And I genuinely think I would prefer that and finally have the right body for me, idgaf for others and how they see me I want me to finally feel right, at least at this important thing for me

But I'm not strong enough to stop myself from eating, even if I do, unless I'm removed from the place I'll come back for that and I hate this

I'm working out for a while and there's this one noticeable thing that helps a tiny bit cus it's just a small access body fat, but it's working

I'm also less hungry and wanting to go to eat sm all of the time but when I'm next to my family all of a sudden I really want to have a little more, or continue eating even tho I'm full (this is anyway cus I don't want to throw it away it's food that's wasteful)

It's something

I wish I was strong enough to have the right eating problem

It's horrible

But this is what I think every time I look at myself in the mirror ,every time I think of my body, every time I see a picture, every time I see another girl (literally 90% here fuckin damnit) super skinny and half of them aren't working out, I feel SO bad all the time and the best thing I can do is scream at myself for being a useless piece of shit that can't even commit to work out at a convenient program

Just a lazy, stupid, fat and a little bit ugly, with too big chest I can't even tell my transmasc friend cus then I'll overthink "now he knows, he'll think about it cus we're both overthinking and it'll be weird in my brain so hard mf" and I can't tell my parents, I overthink too much too often that as I imagined, the time I tried therapy it don't do shit cus I Kno exactly why I have certain problems, why I'm like this, and

That this is me

And I can't really fully fix it no matter what I want

I'll still have my same brain.

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jamiemaybeme · 7 months ago

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i took that as a challenge, apparently. have my 1am brain dump that unnecessarily deeply analysises random lines. this is the result of two hours of english revision earlier. (mandatory. at school. we had to sit in the hall for two hours in the same seats we have for exams. i'm not anywhere near any of my friends. the only good thing is i'm at the back.) anyway enjoy! (or don't, idrc.)

i love the chorus, but consider (with reasons/my interpretations):

"i am prone to fits of fright

moments of intense neuroticism

but when i'm good, good God, i'm great"

this bit really describes my anxiety. "fits of fright" and "moments of intense neuroticism" are such a great ways to put it, and show how while it's fleeting, it is INTENSE. and "when i'm good[...], i'm great". i feel much better. i wonder how i ever felt bad. and then when i feel bad i wonder how i ever felt good. it's a great line.

"but you've heard all this before

so i will try and elaborate"

using fictional characters to explain how you feel is the most relatable thing ever. when i was really struggling, i told people i related HEAVILY to charlie spring (from heartstopper). no one ever picked up on it, but i was too scared to say anything outright. i felt if people really cared they would ask. (this was absolute rubbish btw. the hints i was dropping were so subtle no one apart from me would have been able to pick them up. plus, it was a difficult year for everyone, and i never asked about them. we're all much better at communicating now though.)

"i am everyone and everything

all of the time

oh God, i'll be..."

gonna split this into two parts to start with. "i am everyone and everything all of the time" honestly just describes me perfectly. not only do i feel so overwhelmed with all the pressure from school, friends, extracurriculars etc, i feel like i need to be there for everyone. i also feel like i'm an amalgamation of fifteen different people, and i only show certain ones to certain others. i'm getting better at this. for a while, i was the only therapist friend in my group. i felt like i had to be there for everyone, yet no one was there for me. (again, utter nonsense. i just didn't want to 'burden' anyone because of previous ✨ trauma ✨.) i feel like these lines also link to 'all you get is confetti' (my favourite song on the album probably): "you can't be everything for everyone but you can be everything to someone", showing the process of unlearning. this makes sense, considering 'aygic' immediately follows 'icsaidlay'. bears in trees songs and albums/eps often tell stories of journeys (i want to feel chaotic, keep me safe, doing this again etc), which further backs this up.

"oh God i'll be..." reminds me SO MUCH of 'doing this again'. "oh my God we're doing this again". the whole premise of the song is to describe how doing the same thing everyday feels. the repetition throughout the song helps to emphasise this. the elipsis in this section of 'icsaidlay' creates the same effect. it feels like the singer/writer is starting to spiral, thinking about all the things they have to do/be. it reminds me of how i feel when i'm simultaneously burnt out and overwhelmed.

"playing games about our names"

as a genderqueer person who changed their name (countless times. maybe 5?) i just find this really funny. i love it.

"when my friends would all go swimming

i would drown within the shallow end"

another line that feels like such a good explanation for my brain. this one sounds like when you're the 'gifted kid' so you've done really well in primary school but now you're in a highly academic secondary school and are struggling, whilst all your peers are fine. they've learned to cope, they've always had to. you never learned to, you never needed to. turns out you've had undiagnosed adhd this whole time.

"and the kids were all relentless

with their teases and their tempers"

i love being bullied 😎

seriously though, hearing songs about people being bullied and seeing them now grown up really helps me to be able to visualise my future. i've never been bullied TOO badly - i've always been able to (mostly) handle it - but it's still impacted me significantly. this song and 'aygic' (yes, again, these two songs are so intertwined) really help. "better give the kids something to shout back as the books fall out of my rucksack".

"i sleep better on the sofa

please do not take me to the bedroom"

someone else said this already but i agree and i did think of it before i saw their post i promise :']

this line is so ace coded. i scream this line at the top of my lungs when no one is home. i beat jumping height records when i can't shout. i love these lines. i will never shut up about them. they are literally the epitome of this emoji: 🤌. they're awesome.

bonus: parallels

also rq: the parallels between this song and 'aygic' are great. i love them. 'aygic' being a more apathetic view about the whole life thing, whereas this one is definitely a feeling too much view is honestly genius. the contrasts and yet the similarities. they work really well together.

that was literally a whole essay i am so sorry. hope you enjoyed!!

p.s. i am doing much better mentally now than i was when i first heard this song. i know it wasn't that long ago, but sun and a concert can do a lot to a person. i've written this mainly from the pov of me first hearing this. but just in case anyone's worried, i'm okay now.

double p.s. nick, if you're reading this (i'm pretty sure it was you who wrote this. it sounds like a nick song.), i'm glad we've been able to give you what you've given us. a sense of belonging and community. to some extent at the very least. thank you for putting this song out despite being scared. we appreciate it so much <3

(okay i'm going to bed /ref)

so you're telling me bears in trees referenced over the garden wall, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, scott pilgrim vs the world, and my hero academia...all in the SAME song? and you're expecting me to be NORMAL about this? ...pathetic

#bears in trees #<3 #current hyperfixation #htbaoi #i can't see anything i don't like about you #icsaidlay #all you get is confetti #aygic #doing this again #i didn't even get started on the religious imagery i have so much to say about that #i analysed doing this again as 'revision' and when i tell you the whole page was COVERED in my notes 😭#they were so small too!!#english student #analysing #too deeply tbh #i took 'tell me everything' as challenge icl #and i do not back down from challenges #also it's now half one in the morning #i need to sleep so badly #but bears in trees #also if literally a single person says they want me to i'll post the doing this again annotations #i'm now getting intense déjâ vu #i think that's how you spell it??#i took a french gcse today i should know #it was my last ever french exam though so i've now forgetten everything #asexual #genderqueer #genderfluid #queer #lgbtq

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mushroomjar · 3 years ago

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Me feeling comfortable with the genderqueer label: Ha ha hell yeah let's go

Me realizing if I want my friends to acknowledge this I'm gonna have to come out to them: Well this sucks. What the fuck

#i share gender memes and i shared on that explicitly used the gq flag todat #*today #but many of them still think i'm nonbinary probably #or my other friend group to whom i never came out as nonbinary #also another part is i want to tell them i'm genderqueer but i don't want them to think i'm trans or nonbinary because i am cisgender #but it can be a complicated term for some and i can see many of them having trouble with it #but i want it to be acknowledged because my gender's queer and that's so poggers but they don't know and aaahhh!!!#i've also been having a small pronoun crisis because lately a lot of times when referring to myself i used he/him instinctively #and i was like ???? but i thought we went over this and decided she/her was best???#ha ha hey btw if you're one of my irl/discord friends seeing this no you didn't see this ha ha have a nice day not seeing this #cat rambles #genderqueer tag

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batsarebetterthanpeople · 2 years ago

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Thanks for ur posts about Izzy, I'm as white as my wall, but also gay and genderqueer as fuck, so logging onto ao3 and seeing how commonplace charitable interpretations of Izzy are gives me psychic damage. Like, I often stan villains, but normally I have to find myself a little niche of other people who are as crazy as I am to do that. (I'm a Badminton fan btw, hope they kill another one off in Season 2)

I'll tell you a secret, I'm also white. I don't really consider it a wall. It does make me a little dumber I guess because I don't experience racism that's directed at me. But like I've had multiple black and brown people that are important to me in my life ever since I was little, so I guess if I'm out with my little sister(who's Chinese) and I see racism directed at her I'm going to pick up on that too and have to navigate that situation. White people are racial beings and we live in a racialized society it's just that we have the privilege of pretending that's not the case if we want to. You should always be listening to people who do experience racism about racism because they have had to be the recipient of it but that doesn't mean that racism is an unknowable mystery of the universe to you. It's something your friends and neighbors and coworkers have to navigate daily. The goal of listening to marginalized people is to better support them and one of the ways we do that is calling out other white people when they fuck up. They're not gonna listen to us for the most part, one thing I've learned being publicly vocally in support of people of color both in my real life and online is that there's no fuckin solidarity in the in group, but they are more likely to listen to you than they are to listen to poc (especially white queer people if you are yourself queer because there is actually some solidarity there as well as a leverage point). The more we as white people who care about PoC are afraid to talk about race issues the more PoC have to go it alone. I remember was in 8th grade when Michael Brown was killed, and I live in a predominantly white area, and for some fucking reason my social studies teacher decided to bring up what was happening in a class of roughly 30 white kids, one Asian girl, and one black girl and I stood up for him when the entire class was doing the whole "if he didn't want to get shot he shouldn't have been doing x y z" thing. And I remember that my black classmate didn't speak up until I had been defending him for like half the period and was getting visibly frustrated, and I kind of don't think that she would have said anything if no one had been on her side, because why would you take that risk. I was insulated partially because of my whiteness and partially because I was already being bullied so if I made a stink about something in class it couldn't get much worse for my gay goth autistic ass. The point of that anecdote is that if you rely on people of color around you to do the work of antiracism not only does that make things harder for them, but it also leaves the door open that that work won't get done because the person of color that you're afraid of speaking over will probably decide to prioritize their own safety. That's not to say you should speak over anyone either, but 90% of being an adult is figuring out how to navigate complex social situations and this is one of those.

Now of course I know that defending Michael Brown from racists is more serious than defending Ed Ourflagmeansdeath from racists because Michael Brown was a real person who died tragically and Ed is just my blorbo. But either way I'm in a proverbial room full of my chud peers and I've never been the kind of person to not say what I think, and in both situations I am kinda insulated from consequences. There's a reason @chuplayswithfire has had to turn off her anons and I haven't. Part of it might be follower count but I'm not enough of an idiot to think that's all it is.

I guess I kinda got off subject but you're on my blog, so cheers.

But yeah, as a certified villain fucker I would love it if the loudest and most prolific members of our community would just cool it on the racism(/misogyny if we leave the ofmd fandom). I don't even have that much of a problem with apologia in theory. In practice I've even dabbled in apologia myself for my man CJ. But villain fans have kinda always been like this. There's been us baddies who enjoy fucked up guys(gender neutral) and then there's the Snape wives and the Kylo Ren stans and the Jokercels who can't care about fans of color or women to save their life.

Also re: Badminton I too am a great fan of watching Rory Kinnear in period costumes die in stupid ways. As an actor I've thought Badminton would be an incredibly fun role to play since episode 2. Standing on a rock in the background and just fucking around while things happen in the foreground would be the time ever tbh.

#cw racism #ofmd #our flag means death

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gendercensus · 4 years ago

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On plural inclusivity and "plural they"

In the Gender Census feedback box and elsewhere I have frequently been asked:

to make the annual Gender Census survey more inclusive of plural participants, and

to add "plural they" to the checkbox pronouns list alongside "singular they" in order to be inclusive of plural participants.

It's a rambling topic, so I'll address them in sections in that order.

INCLUSIVITY RE: PLURAL PARTICIPANTS

I've been inviting plural people to take part in a short survey about the Gender Census, asking questions that help me get a feel for the issues involved and asking about whether people feel included in the survey (and why or why not). At the time of writing there have been 139 responses, I will leave it open for ongoing feedback, and I'm unlikely to be publishing the spreadsheet of results in full because the responses are off-topic and very personal. However, I will refer to some individual responses as well as my personal experience discussing inclusion with plural systems.

Here's a graph based on the responses so far:

I'm asking for direct feedback about this issue because over the past few years plural folks have been one of the more consistently vocal groups in the feedback box of the survey and elsewhere, which would usually be fine, but I've been finding it very overwhelming and confusing. I think that's because the advice/demands/questions have been unusually inconsistent, often to the point of being in direct opposition to each other, and the result is that I have no idea what to do.

Before now, most plural people have understood that it's quite a nuanced issue. When asked I would explain that if they felt that filling it in once for the whole system made more sense they should do that, and if individual system members felt strongly that they should participate alone then they could do so.

This year it got to the point where I had to make a decision and write unambiguous, easy-to-follow guidance about how plural people should fill in the survey, because I had one system submitting dozens of responses and giving the exact same three points of feedback, paraphrased, over and over - making it look like many unconnected people felt strongly about these particular issues, when in reality it was all this one system. I decided that, to be as fair as possible, plural people should fill in the survey once per body.

When I posted about the "once per body" policy on social media I received very little direct feedback, which leaves me in the position of not knowing whether that's because I did it right and you have no complaints or because you've all jumped ship! The statistics and comments from the plural feedback survey are very helpful in this regard:

It seems that plural participants, on the whole, are fairly understanding about it all, often supportive, and are still able to participate. ("Unknown" and "no strong feelings" together are a much higher proportion than I expected.) Some positive feedback included appreciation for the ability to select as many gender identities and pronouns as one wants. Common arguments against the policy include feeling that system members are not treated as people in their own right, which is understandable; the Gender Census is designed to present practicable data about nonbinary people for use within a system that assigns one identity per body, socially and bureaucratically. A "once per body" policy makes sense when prioritising nonbinary people, but adds to the list of crap that only plural people have to struggle through when they're not the main focus of the research.

I was surprised that only a couple of people pointed out that some systems have amnesia between members, and so some systems may participate more than once per body unintentionally. (I understand that this is unavoidable, and I certainly wouldn't be upset about it. Sometimes non-plural people participate more than once by accident, too! On the scale we're talking about, I'm unlikely to even notice it happening.)

Back when I first started to get requests to make the Gender Census more plural-inclusive, my first move was to ask people what exactly they felt excluded by. Responses to this have been continuously nebulous, to the extent that I don't think I have ever made any design changes to the annual survey at all as a result. I also asked what they would do to improve the survey and help them to feel included, but this has yielded very few viable ideas for how to move forward, just because so many of the ideas that people suggest are mutually exclusive.

As an example, I spoke to one member of a system who expressed, understandably, that their experience of themselves as plural inextricably affected their experience of their gender(s), and after some discussion they concluded that the two were so intertwined that it made the most sense for it to be included in the identity question, e.g. a checkbox called "plural" alongside nonbinary, genderqueer, trans, etc. I explained that I don't arbitrarily add things to the checkbox list, but it would be counted if it was typed into a textbox underneath, and if it went over 1% I would consider adding it to the checkbox list. They became increasingly angry. The only way this situation would make sense for them moving forward was if I added "plural" as an identity checkbox option immediately. Conversely, just a couple of weeks previously I had spoken with a member of a system who was very vocally distressed at the idea of plurality being conflated with gender, and wanted to make sure that I never added "plural" as an identity checkbox option.

As another example, in the plural feedback survey when I asked people how they felt about the "once per body" policy, a member of one system was against it and said "it feels like this policy doesn’t recognize us as separate people", but a member of another system was in favour and said "we're encouraged by our therapist to think of ourselves as dissociated parts of a whole. So we're all one person, just not directly connected like a singlet [non-plural person] would be. From that perspective, it makes sense to keep us as one person in the gender census, no matter how many genders we have." It's not possible to reconcile these two perspectives.

From the very beginning up until now, the unifying theme for feedback from plural people and their allies is "please be more inclusive of plural people." That's a really good start! After that it becomes a plate of tangled spaghetti.

Here are some themes I've managed to tease out, and my thoughts.

"Each system's alter should be able to participate in the survey individually if they want to." Some systems have literally hundreds of alters, and several systems have acknowledged in the feedback survey that this is probably both impractical for many plural people and unfair on singlets.

"We're okay with taking part once for all of us in the system, but we're just checking all the boxes that apply to at least one of us, and some of those are explicitly disliked by at least one of us. This is uncomfortable." I think that's... probably okay, actually. Other subcategories of participants whose identities fluctuate that strongly (e.g. a genderfluid person who is sometimes very male and sometimes extremely not male) or whose pronouns are context-dependent are also in this predicament. Participants often express a desire to rank their identity terms by importance, accuracy, fluctuation or frequency. The survey aims to collect broad and fuzzy data about a very large group of people, to monitor trends and let people know what language we're comfortable with on the whole. This survey just isn't looking for that kind of nuance.

"We're okay with taking part in the survey once for everyone in the system, but there should be a way to separate out responses about different alters within that one response." It's literally impossible to program the survey to have infinite subsections for each alter, but if it were possible, what would I do with the data? I think the most likely approach would be combining into a list of identities etc. "per body". The participant would feel better for being able to enter different words for different alters, but it would be more work for them, and it would be more work for me to process responses from plural people just to have them be counted like those from non-plural people.

"There should be a 'plural' checkbox in the identity list so that we can express that our gender is influenced by our plurality." I consider adding terms to the identity checkbox list when they're typed into the textboxes by over 1% of participants. There are some situations where I'll make an exception to that rule, but it's unusual and this isn't one of them. Whether you enter a term using a checkbox or a textbox makes no difference to how well-represented you are in the results.

Maybe just a question that asks if you're plural, with a checkbox? What would this checkbox do? Plurality is beyond the scope of the survey, along with things like height and eye colour. It would allow curious people to analyse the responses using plurality as a variable, but I wouldn't include it in any analysis in an annual Gender Census report.

That last one is particularly interesting, because it's what I actually did in the supplementary survey. I wasn't 100% sure in advance whether or not I would need that information for the singular vs. plural they issue, so I included an "I am/we are plural" checkbox just to be on the safe side. As far as I could tell, the survey was no more or less materially inclusive than the annual Gender Census survey. There were a couple of interesting patterns to report in the statistics, but the main things I noticed were:

Feedback saying that the survey wasn't inclusive of plural people was non-existent.

Several people thanked me in the feedback box for making the survey plural-inclusive.

Several people promoted the survey on social media by using its plural-inclusivity as a selling point.

Again, the supplementary survey didn't take a different approach. There was no particular difference in language, there was no indication that whether or not you're plural would be integral to the reporting of the results or even used at all, the only difference was the existence of a checkbox that let participants declare their plurality.

That's all it took to cause a complete U-turn in feedback. A checkbox that doesn't relate to gender or connect to any of the other questions in any way, and isn't particularly statistically useful based on the supplementary survey. It doesn't make the survey more inclusive, it just acknowledges that some participants are plural, and gives them a way to declare it.

Whether or not participants are plural is beyond the scope of the Gender Census, which aims to collect broad data about how we as nonbinary and otherwise genderly-interesting people want the world to see and describe us. It just doesn't make sense to include questions about plurality in future surveys. But I'm honestly amazed and a little confused, because until the "once per body" policy was added it seems that there wasn't actually anything about the Gender Census that prevented plural people from participating, at least not more than anyone else whose genders change significantly over time.

SHOULD "PLURAL THEY" BE ADDED TO THE CHECKBOX PRONOUN LIST?

This is something that participants often ask me to do in order to make the survey more plural-inclusive, so I decided to seriously consider it.

The first draft of the supplementary survey asked over 1,000 participants about this issue, but I had to scrap those responses and then redesign and restart it because, even though dictionaries are fairly clear on what exactly "singular they" is, a lot of survey participants who are not dictionaries seemed to be in disagreement (or confusion) about what singular they and plural they actually are. I have been unable to find any academic or reference articles online using the phrase "plural they" at all.

Here are some of the things people have told me recently:

"Singular they" is when you use "they" with singular verbs, e.g. they is a teacher.

I can't say that I use "singular they" pronouns because I always say "they are". "They is" just sounds wrong to me.

"Plural they" is when you use "singular they" pronouns to refer to a system/someone who is plural.

"Singular they" and "plural they" are grammatically identical except for the name.

"Singular they" and "plural they" are functionally the same and should be combined into one option called "they" in the annual survey.

Let's start by stating what we do know for sure.

THEY VS. SINGULAR THEY

For the record, "singular they" is defined by its purpose and context, not the specific words used.

Wiktionary says:

they (third-person, nominative case, usually plural, sometimes singular, objective case them, possessive their, possessive noun theirs, reflexive themselves, or, singular, themself)

It then goes on to specify three use-cases:

third-person plural, referring to two or more people

third-person singular, referring to one person

"indefinite pronoun" - people; some people; people in general; someone, excluding the speaker. E.g. "they didn’t have computers in the old days."

So we've got "they" (groups), "singular they" (individuals), and "indefinite they" (an "other" that is ambiguous in number).

Again, I have never found anything academic or, er, dictionarical (lexicographical?) that calls any of the forms "plural they", so my first job is to find out whether what Gender Census participants are calling "plural they" is the same as what the dictionary just calls "they", which is defined as the set used to refer to two or more people. For the purposes of this article I will call it regular "they".

WHICH WORDS MAKE UP SINGULAR THEY?

Even though most dictionaries will state which words make up singular they, and it's usually they/them/their/theirs/themself, if you change individual words within the set or even around the set it is still called "singular they" if it is used to refer to only one person. This might happen due to regional or cultural variations. So whether you say "they is a writer" or "they are a writer", whether you say "themself" or "themselves", if you're talking about only one person, it's still singular they.

In the annual survey, singular they is consistently chosen in the checkbox pronoun options by the most participants, usually more than twice as popular as the next most popular option. (I use the dictionary-provided set, and I've checked it's still the most commonly used in several polls and surveys along the way.) In the annual survey, singular they is presented as:

singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself (e.g. "they are a writer")

WHICH WORDS MAKE UP PLURAL THEY?

I had never heard of "plural they" before people started asking me to add it to the checkbox list in the feedback box of the annual Gender Census survey, but it seemed clear from the name that it is meant to be contrasted with singular they, and I wondered if perhaps everyone else had been calling regular "they" (for referring to two or more people) "plural they" this entire time and I just hadn't noticed.

It was specifically presented to me by participants as a pronoun that a plural system could claim, and that a plural system might prefer over singular they. This tallied with my initial assumption that "plural they" may just be regular "they" referring to groups, since a system is a body containing two or more distinct individuals, so if they wanted to be referred to as a group then singular they would be inappropriate and regular "they" would fit.

I went to the pronouns spreadsheet of the 2021 Gender Census, and took every pronoun set that was named and copied it into a new spreadsheet. I ran a query to list all sets that contained both the words "plural" and "they" in the name field. There were 71 results, out of ~44,500 total responses. I ran another query to find out what these people were entering in the reflexive field, and here's what I got:

themselves - 61 (85.9%)

theirselves - 3

them - 2

themself - 2

themself (plural) - 2

theirself - 1

So I think it's safe to say that the set that people are calling "plural they" uses "themselves" as the reflexive, which is consistent with dictionaries' reporting of regular "they".

I conclude that most people do mean regular "they" when they refer to "plural they". "Plural they" seems to be they/them when used to refer to two or more people, including the plural reflexive "themselves".

As in "singular they", if you change individual words within the set or even around the set it is still called regular "they" if it is used to refer to two or more people. This might happen due to regional or cultural variations. So whether you say "they is writers" or "they are writers", whether you say "themself" or "themselves", if you're talking about two or more people, it's still regular "they" (or plural they).

IS PLURAL THEY GETTING SMUSHED INTO ANOTHER PRONOUN/GROUP?

I recently explored the (apparently unintentional) overlap of Spivak (e/em) and Elverson (ey/em). In case you've not read it, here's a brief overview: I found that it might be that Elverson (not on the checkbox list) is many times more popular than Spivak (on the checkbox list), even though it isn't being written into the pronouns textboxes often enough for it to reach the 1% threshold. Since the two sets are identical except for that one letter in the subject form, it is very likely that many of the people who use Elverson (ey/em) pronouns are choosing the Spivak checkbox option in the annual survey because they don't realise the spelling is different, or they think that they are minor spelling variants of the same set. I concluded that in order to get a fair count of both sets I will need to list both in the checkbox options next year, even though Elverson hasn't been typed in by over 1% of participants yet.

It's possible that the same thing is happening with singular and plural they. I ran a couple of Twitter polls, asking people whose pronouns are they/them which set they prefer, and presented answers like this:

a) Singular they, referring to only 1 person: they are themSELF

b) Singular they, referring to only 1 person: they are themSELVES

c) Plural they, referring to 2+ people: they are themSELVES

Here's the results, with 927 usable responses:

The results of this poll are really useful, because it allowed people to choose between singular and plural they AND themself and themselves, in combination. We can see that of the people who call their pronouns "singular they" (referring to only one person), the majority prefer "themself" as the reflexive, but a respectable proportion prefer singular they with "themselves", even when presented with the option of "plural they" (referring to two or more people).

(I have a policy of providing the most popular word choices in checkboxes, so I will continue to provide a they/them checkbox option that says "singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself", but since singular they is consistently the most popular pronoun this is something I like to keep checking in on.)

If we apply these proportions to the 2021 Gender Census responses and imagine that everyone whose pronouns are they/them chose "singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself" regardless of how accurate that is, this would mean that 3.7% of all respondents would check a "plural they" box, which is well above the 1% threshold for adding something to the checkbox list. Why not add it to the list, the way I'll also be adding Elverson to the list? This graph may help:

I generally consider it unwise to make big decisions based on Twitter polls, because the sample is much smaller and more biased than a standalone survey. Twitter requires membership, Twitter membership is skewed younger, and younger members are more likely to use Twitter often and see polls when they appear.

However, even I can't deny that there is a very clear mandate here for Elverson to be added to the checkbox list. When given a straight choice between the Spivak, Elverson, both, and neither/something else, participants were over six times more likely to choose Elverson over Spivak. (For context, Spivak got 4.3% in the 2021 Gender Census as a checkbox option.) Even if this poll were somehow put to the entire Gender Census participant group, it's hard to imagine a scenario where the results shift enough that Elverson gets a lower percentage than Spivak.

4.7% of a smaller sample of younger Twitter members just isn't enough to push me to add something to the checkbox options. I really hope that everyone whose pronouns are "plural they" takes the time to type it into next year's survey as a pronoun distinct from "singular they", so that if they do end up being over 1% of participants I can add "plural they" to the checkbox options.

IN CONCLUSION

As far as I can tell, the Gender Census doesn't particularly exclude plural participants. Systems are still able to take part, so it is at least as inclusive as any other survey of a similar nature, maybe even more so thanks to the ability to choose multiple gender identities and pronouns "per body".

There isn't sufficient evidence to support adding "plural they" to the list of checkbox pronouns at this time, and systems can be represented in results by typing any plural-inclusive terms and pronouns that are not on checkbox lists into some of the many textboxes provided, as any other participant would be expected to do.

The "once per body" participation policy is uncomfortable for a significant number of plural people. However, due to the intensely varied experiences of plural people, any policy on that issue that I impose would make some plural people uncomfortable - and it turns out that I chose the "side" that plural people are more likely to agree with. The survey isn't intending to collect or convey the more nuanced information that plural people (and others) have said that they would like to provide.

A separate question that specifically asks participants whether they're plural makes systems feel seen and acknowledged, but is beyond the scope of the project and doesn't add value to the data or analysis.

So, I will not be making any changes to the Gender Census at this time, based on the information I've gathered so far. However, I welcome further feedback in the plural participants' feedback form, which will remain open, anonymous and private.

Edit: Follow-up.

#plurality #multiplicity #meta #FAQ #plural they #pronouns

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lil-tumbles · 5 months ago

Note

Hi @crowleychild ! I'm non binary too (and a writer) and I'd like to add on:

- Part of the whole "androgynous skinny white afab" stereotype is "all enbies use they/them". Plenty of non binary people do use they/them, but not all! I know plenty who use he/she, or just he or just she or she/they or he/they or he/she/they or any number of neopronouns. While there's nothing wrong with giving your enby only they/them, that isn't your only option!!! I use ey/em and ze/zir, for example, as well as just my name.

I also have multiple names I use depending on who I'm talking to/in what community, and similarly I'm unlikely to tell a cishet person to use ey/em or ze/zir pronouns for me. Partly because I'm worried people will be viciously transphobic about it, but mostly because most cis people are really fucking weird about neos. People have a tendency to do anything at all to avoid using my pronouns while saying "its not that I don't like trans people, but...". So, consider that your enby might only feel safe showing parts of themself to certain people.

As an example, it could be a really romantic or otherwise touching scene to have a character who often changes the subject when it comes to their identity tell someone another set of pronouns or another name they feel comfortable with that person specifically using for them, or just having a long and deep discussion about how they see their gender.

- On that note, try not to write your non binary character as the only one with an interesting gender identity. I know so so so many people who just aren't bothered. I'll be talking to someone and we'll end up having a deep discussion about how we view gender and I'll go "oh, are you trans?" Because of the way we were talking, and they'll go "well, I thought about it, but honestly I'm too tired to figure all that out" or "I just don't care enough to put a label on it". They'll keep calling themselves cis-ish because it's just too much bother to do anything else.

Especially in queer communities, most queer people just have an *interesting* understanding of our own genders, even if we don't call ourselves trans/non binary. My point is, it would be odd in a group of queer people for the non binary person to feel like no one understands them at all/utterly and completely left out on the basis of their gender. Also, enbies can have deep gender talks with non-trans people!

- There's probably a lot more I could say and am just not thinking of right now, but there is one last thing that springs to mind: it would be kind of weird for them to *just* be non binary. People's identities are complex and multifaceted and don't stop at gender, so if your character, say, has an arc about accepting their identity, it doesn't have to be limited to gender!

Non binary people can also be fat and black and autistic and have prosthetic limbs, etc. In fact, neurodiversity is very very common among enbies, and being genderqueer/trans is something like four times as common amongst autistic people as the rest of the population? I am non binary and disabled and autistic. That's pretty damn common among enbies. So, don't be afraid to make them fall into more than one marginalised demographic, because that's actually the most common way to be non binary.

If you have any questions or want any more advice, I'd be happy to assist btw! Feel free to DM me any time for questions! I'm happy to help!

Hi!!

I'm a writer and I'm trying to write my first book. One of my main chracters will be non binary and even tho I have made reserch on how to write enby characters, I feel like asking a nb person would also be great for learning.

So what I would like to know is pretty much if there's something that authors in general are misrepresenting about the community, some traits that nb people would love to see more in the media and other that you hate, because they are harmful or just plain and boring... that kind of stuff. I want to make a character for enby people to feel seen and represented, and I don't want to perpetrate any stereotypes.

Also, I'm a big fan of your blog, I really admire what you do!! thank you very much in advance :))

; hey !! Thanks for sending this in, props to you for actually asking questions to the people you're writing about, that's definitely the first step to writing a good and properly represented character.

; I think the most important thing is being non-binary is definitely a hugely personal thing, so don't just stop here ! Ask others, look around, maybe make posts asking for peoples experiences and their opinions too. ( any non-binary people reading this, feel free to add to this in the reblogs or comments ! ) But some main things that I, personally, think are important are:

They're ALWAYS androgynous

; and by androgynous I mean they have short hair, were AFAB and wear masculine clothing. Which, nothing wrong with doing / being so ! But it can be disheartening to only see non-binary people represented as such. So my biggest recommendation would be to really experiment with their identity, it doesn't necessarily have to be " complex " but ask yourself why one thing is complex, and why one thing is " normal " !! Non-binary people don't have a single normal look, and not all of us are even the most common idea of androgynous. Even then, everyone experiences androgyny a little if not a lot differently. Some enbies have beards, wear dresses, don't bind, don't " look non-binary " etc and still consider themselves androgynous !! We're people, we're different, don't be afraid to really branch out with your character.

they're known as The Nonbinary Character and only that

; just like any character you're creating, it's important not to get stuck on a single trait and make that their only noticeable trait. Especially with something like this, it's crucial to really give them personality and purpose to the story, don't make them simply The Enby. It's seen a lot with things like The Gay Bestfriend and all, their queer identity is their only defining trait and they end up, purposefully or not, simply being there for diversity points and truly being a terribly harmfully stereotypical and boring character. And even if it's not their only trait, it ends up being a really important part of them. Which is good and can be great representation .. But if them being nonbinary really doesn't effect the story or their character arc, there is no reason to force it into being that way. Their identity doesn't have to be a huge deal and certainly doesn't have to greatly negatively effect the story. ( See: people adding transphobia into fantasy worlds for seemingly no reason but just to have transphobia )

give them euphoria !!

; obviously I don't know your story, but something I see a lot in honestly any book with nonbinary characters ( especially ones centered around said identity ) is it's always doom and gloom, there's never really much positivity around the persons identity. Which can be good for story building, but being non-binary doesn't have to be a purely negative experience. It really never commonly is ! It's in most cases freeing and positive and opens doors to many more great experiences. Whether you make it a huge deal or not, don't be shy on adding some positive things relating to their identity !! Make them happy and proud to be nonbinary !! If they come out in the story, make it good and really describe the joy that comes from it. Small things like being happy when people use their pronouns, feeling euphoric from getting a new clothing item, being obviously comfortable with certain people and showing it through things like jokes about their identity, etc.

stereotypical people are still people

; obviously it's important to push away from harmful stereotypes, or excluding ones, but !! They can be positive, or could be inside jokes among communities that'll really make the character that little more relatable. And as much as stereotypes are bad in cases when pushed from negative and tainted views by " outsiders ", there can be ones based in general ( grain of salt ) truth. Or are sometimes from the community. So the best way to go about it while not playing into stereotypes fully is to, in my opinion, mix stereotypes and experiences. Find experiences from people who have had similar(ish) things happen to them, to your characters plot and see how they go through life with their identity, include common and include " obscure " traits !!

; again as I said before, make them a complicated character with multiple traits and sides and history, etc. It'll make them 10 times more relatable than just picking one common stereotype and pasting it into your world. ( things like hand gestures, how we sit, our mannerisms in speaking, etc. Not necessarily harmful but still technically stereotypical. Personally I find them funny and relatable, others may not !! And that's okay !! You could even find character specific stereotypes, look for positively represented nonbinary characters who share things with your character and maybe consider incorporating those things ! )

; and that's just four relatively vague points, coming from just one single person who has not in fact written a book + does not speak for every enby ever, so I really do encourage you to get opinions from others and really remember we're all very different and unique people, so your character can be different and unique too. Good luck on making your character and your book !!

- Mod Xela

#nonbinary #writing

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caswellprmanager · 3 years ago

Text

the caswell wears prada

read it on ao3!

Summary: EJ's style is simple and functional but Ricky discovers he's capable of more than just letterman jackets and white sneakers. (Part 4 of my trans!ej and genderqueer!ricky AU.)

Author's Notes: I have this little headcanon that EJ used to model baby clothes when he was a baby. Then only went back to modelling once he transitioned to the point he was comfortable enough. Also not me giving Ashlyn's parents a purpose except for just leaving the house empty enough for Ashlyn to throw parties. Hope you guys enjoy!

Warning: Implied Sexual Content at the very end but since it's not explicit, I'll just let y'all use your imaginations.

Ricky has almost exclusively seen EJ in basic white boy clothes. It's usually just a nice fitting t-shirt, some branded jacket, jeans, and branded sneakers. It's not exactly avant-garde but Ricky can appreciate the fact that EJ has found a distinct style that's both understated yet elevates his already good looks.

But from what Ricky has learned in the few months that they've been dating EJ is that just because he dresses like that, it doesn't mean EJ does not have an eye for fashion.

Ricky learned this one day when the two of them were hanging out with Gina and Ashlyn at Ashlyn's house.

Ashlyn's mom was the Editor-In-Chief of an editorial fashion magazine that focuses on highlighting brands that promote sustainable fashion. She also runs a design company herself. Every other minute, she'd be going in and out of her design studio with a phone against her ear and a different meter of fabric in her hands. Her job is also the reason why Ashlyn's parents aren't usually home. Ashlyn's mom would be invited to different fashion events or she'd meet with a client about a new start-up. Ashlyn's dad accompanies her so that she wouldn't overwork herself.

None of that is new to Ricky. What is new, however, is EJ's involvement in her work.

"Ashlyn!" Mrs. Caswell rushes in, a hundred different scarves wrapped around her neck. Ricky wonders if she can breathe beneath all that cashmere and silk. "Darling, I need your help."

"What is it, mom?" Ashlyn asks, pausing the movie the four of them were watching.

Instead of responding, Mrs. Caswell just runs back to her home studio with a hurried click of her heels. Ashlyn looks at the rest of the group with a shrug, moving to stand up until her mom comes rushing back in – this time with a little purple hat perched on her strawberry blond locks.

"EJ, sweetheart! You come too. I need your opinion on a few things." Before any of them could say anything, she's disappeared back into her studio in a flurry of scarves and sequins.

EJ doesn't even bat an eye and moves to follow his cousin out of the living room. Ricky grabs his hand before he could leave, asking him what Ashlyn's mom wants his opinion on. EJ isn't exactly Paris Fashion Week, if Ricky was gonna be honest.

EJ just smiles, placing a chaste kiss on Ricky's lips before saying, "I'll tell you when we get back."

With that statement, Ricky and Gina are left alone, both feeling more confused than before.

"Does that happen often?" Ricky asks Gina, who is picking through the popcorn bowl.

"Ashlyn's mom being weird?" Gina tosses a popcorn kernel up into the air before catching it into her mouth flawlessly. "I've seen Ashlyn help her a few times. But I haven't seen her call EJ into that room before."

"Yeah..." Ricky picks at a loose thread on their jeans. "Didn't really peg EJ as the fashionable type."

Gina pauses in her pursuit of the perfect popcorn kernel and raises a questioning eyebrow towards Ricky. "Hold up... EJ never told you?"

"Told me... what?" Ricky started to panic a little bit. They never liked hearing ominous phrases like that from other people. It fuels their already present anxiety about dating someone who is way out of their league like EJ – someone who could leave Ricky at any time if they realize that Ricky will never be good enough for them.

Gina seems to realize this quickly enough and she tries to diffuse the situation before it gets worse. "Oh! No no no, Ricky, it isn't bad!"

"Then what is it?" Instead of answering, Gina just looks over shoulder at the direction of where the Caswell Cousins went to. After a few seconds of making sure the coast is clear, she tilts her head and motions for Ricky to follow her.

Gina leads Ricky to the spare guest room that EJ occupies sometimes when he doesn't want to sleep at home. In fact, sometimes this room is literally just called EJ's extra room because he's here so frequently. Ricky's napped here a couple of times so it isn't a new place. But he's usually too tired to explore it due to some recent emotional problem or another.

By the far wall is a dresser that Ricky hasn't ever thought to look through. Gina beckons him to come closer as she opens the bottom drawer.

"Ashlyn showed me this when I first moved in. We had to call EJ immediately after because I just had... so many questions." After a few seconds of rummaging, Gina brings out a small stack of magazines triumphantly.

Ricky recognizes the magazines immediately as the same ones Ashlyn's mom is the Editor-In-Chief for.

"Are those...?" Ricky asks and Gina nods excitedly, motioning for him to sit down next to her. The two of them peer through the old issues together, pointing at things they think would look nice on them.

Before they turn to the middle spread, Gina turns to them with a serious look in her eye. "Ricky, I need you to brace yourself."

Ricky tilts their head in confusion. "For what?"

"Just," And Gina can't even hide her giddy little smile. "Get ready."

Ricky can't even bring themself to respond before Gina is showing them the middle spread of the magazine. Their mind skids to a halt when they see a younger EJ staring back at them from the glossy pages, dressed head to toe in the finest three-piece dress suit Ricky's ever seen.

And it isn't just that, EJ's all over the spread – dressed in all kinds of outfits. From gorgeously crafted lace button downs to tastefully styled overcoats – EJ models the shit out of them. Ricky scans the pages in awe because they've never seen EJ wear stuff like this. Sure, they've seen EJ in a suit during homecoming but not one with embroidered roses across the vest or paired with diamond encrusted gold jewelry.

Gina turns the page and Ricky lets out a small gasp.

It's a two page Ashlyn and EJ spread – the cousins looking absolutely ethereal dressed in the most delicate fabric embroidered with flowers along the seams. Their skin is glowing beneath the sunset, the light catching at the highlights on their cheekbones. But what really got to Ricky is one very small but powerful detail:

The flowers along EJ's shirt and the makeup he's wearing are in the trans flag colors.

"Ricky, look." Gina points at the small interview portion at the corner of the page, smiling when Ricky reads it and realizes that it's about EJ.

E.J. Caswell – Teen Transgender Model

"I've been avoiding modeling since I started transitioning and coming back to it was really scary." Says teen model E.J. Caswell. "But when my aunt gave me the opportunity to finally speak my truth through fashion, I knew that I wouldn't regret this decision in the long run."

"There are still so many moments where I hate my body. It's gonna take a while until that goes away. And maybe it won't. Ever." E.J. tells us with a sad smile. "But this is a start – and I get to style some really cool clothes while I'm at it!"

When Ashlyn Caswell was asked about the significance of this project to her cousin and to future transgender models, she smiled softly, making it abundantly clear how much she adores her older cousin. "E.J. is one of the bravest people I know. He's always been an inspiration to me and I'm so proud of him for doing this on his own terms. Plus, I'm really happy he asked me to be a part of it with him. But don't tell him I said that! I'll never hear the end of it."

"She said that?" E.J. said with barely concealed glee. "Aww, Ashlyn!"

Ricky and Gina giggle at the mental image of EJ probably giving an exasperated Ashlyn a big bear hug after his interview. Ricky can't help but stare at the spread again, lightly trailing his finger over EJ's face with a soft smile. He really is so beautiful. Ricky sometimes can't believe that someone as gorgeous as EJ is real.

"Looks like Gina beat me to it."

The sound of EJ's voice by the doorway makes the two of them freeze and turn to see both Caswell cousins looking at them with knowing smiles. But Ashlyn and EJ weren't wearing what they were wearing before Ashlyn's mom called them for help.

Instead, Ashlyn was wearing a floor length pink chiffon dress with embroidered roses scattered along its sleeves and body. EJ was wearing a dress shirt of similar color and material, pairing it with white dress pants and a ruby encrusted rose broach.

"Well look at you two supermodels!" Gina squealed in glee, bounding over to gush over Ashlyn's outfit. Ricky stays rooted in their spot on the floor, their eyes never leaving EJ's. EJ approaches them slowly and takes a seat on the bed next to Ricky. He moves into an effortless pose, making Ricky blush more than necessary.

EJ smiles at them, eyes sparkling mischievously. "Hi."

"H-Hi." Ricky says, moving to face EJ with shaky legs. "You look nice."

"Just nice?" EJ leans down with a smirk, a lock of hair falling to his forehead like some goddamn romance movie. Ricky didn't even notice that even his hair was styled differently. Was EJ growing his hair out? Why didn't he warn me?

"I'd say something dirtier but I don't wanna traumatize the girls." EJ laughs at that and Ricky could only stare at the way EJ throws his head back with the most beautiful smile they've ever seen.

This isn't fair. EJ is sitting here looking like he was plucked straight out of a Vogue magazine while Ricky's sorry ass is on the floor in pajama pants and an old hoodie. Fuck. They should have texted Kourtney for help with their outfit today.

"You're so cute," EJ leans forward even closer, so close that EJ's able to lightly graze their noses together. "Maybe I should dress like this more often to make you blush like that."

Ricky contemplates on the statement for a bit, imagining what it would be like if EJ were to wear more designer clothes to school everyday. EJ right now certainly looks confident and cool. Plus, he gets the added bonus of Ricky looking extra flustered around him.

But at the end of the day, it's EJ's body and EJ gets to choose whatever makes him feel good.

Besides, Ricky fell for EJ without all the bells and whistles.

"You don't have to wear fancy clothes to make me think you're gorgeous." Ricky says before they can stop themself from saying it. But it's out now and there's no turning back. EJ's eyes widen but they eventually soften after processing what Ricky said.

"It doesn't matter what I think, though." Ricky says, reaching for EJ's hand. "What matters is that you're happy. Whether you're wearing a potato sack or Versace. As long as you feel comfortable and you're seeing your favorite self in the mirror, I'll tell you that you're the most handsome boy in the world."

Ricky scoots closer to place a soft kiss on EJ's nose before pressing their foreheads together. Ricky can't really tell who's smiling wider from this angle but they didn't care.

"My handsome boy." Ricky whispers, lightly tracing EJ's bottom lip with their thumb. EJ smiles even wider at the sound of that and it never fails to make Ricky happy seeing EJ so happy.

They're about to move in for another kiss when they hear Ashlyn cough from the doorway.

The two of them separate abruptly, both blushing profusely as the girls giggle behind their hands.

"We'll leave you two alone," Ashlyn says, grabbing Gina's hand to pull her back to the living room. "I'll tell mom you'll be late for dinner."

As soon as the door closes behind the girls, Ricky turns back to a still blushing EJ, a small but urgent thought manifesting to the front of their mind.

"I should take this off-" EJ doesn't even get the chance to finish his sentence before Ricky is pushing him down on the bed and straddling his hips. "R-Ricky?"

Ricky smirks, placing a single finger on EJ's lips as they lean forward to whisper in his ear,

"I'll help you take it off." EJ lets out the smallest whimper at that but Ricky shushes him, blowing against his earlobe. "But you have to be quiet, handsome."

As soon as EJ shakily nods his head yes, Ricky gets to work.

Unfortunately, they're more than a little late for dinner.

---

A/N: I've added some reference pics below if y'all want a better image of what EJ and Ashlyn were wearing hehe :>

#ej caswell #ricky bowen #caswen #gina porter #ashlyn caswell #hsmtmts #hsmtms fanfiction #trans!ej #genderqueer!ricky #cloud's writing now

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sideshow-wolfie · 4 years ago

Text

Coming Out...

I've been happy with these terms for so long, I feel like I need to express it to you... Even if it felt a bit painful...

I'm proud to announce that I'm Genderfluid. I've been having a Gender Dysphoria for a long time, since 2 months into my Sophomore (11th) year, and I finally found out who I truley was... Previously I was Demigirl, meaning I was full girl, but different. THAT didn't suit me anymore as I got to February... I just went off as genderless, Aka Nonbinary. Nonbinary suited me for a little bit, until that wasn't the case either as Spring Break started. I looked through the information, and I finally found out why my Gender Identity changed constantly... In the end of April I discovered I was Genderfluid... What does that mean?

My gender identity changes around infinitely, and it concludes that my gender was never meant to be confirmed.... I was previously a girl, but I'm fine with They/Them Pronouns. ❤️

Here's an example:

Day 1: Nonbinary

Day 2: Bigender

Day 3: Pangender

Day 4: Demigirl

Day 5: Transgender

and the gender list goes on and mixes around everyweek and day.

Lastly, for the gender part, I have been connected to wolves for so long.. both mentally and physically.. so long that I did not realize what I was until now. (I was like this all the way back in 2012, when I was in elementary)

I kept thinking I was something else. I constantly howled when I'm home alone, and that I wish I had someone to do it with me... And I bark, like other wolves or werewolves...

Not that I'm Genderfluid, but I am also WolfGender. WolfGender means that I connect with Lycanthrope/Wolf/Werewolf Life, and that I was a wolf in the first place...

I have been questioning to myself if I was always going to be with a boy, girl, whoever else, or remain single for the rest of my life when I was a girl...

In 2014, I had watched a show that eventually made me feel this... attraction to people.

You guessed it...

Inanimate Insanity

But so to let you know, it is NOT season 1. It is season 2.

The character that started to make me attracted to a gender was Microphone... Microphone was a hyped contestant, but eventually things got deep for her... I had loved this character for 6 1/2 years, and I kept constantly drawing her as a werewolf... Whenever I drew Mic, I felt happy. When I was 10 years old, I got a T-Shirt of her... My god I felt like life was complete ❤️

Throughout Middle School, I have had my first relationship with someone... Zero was my first crush that I had ever hung out. However, long story short, we broke up due to multiple toxic reasons (Involving me, and It was my fault...).

That took me a whole year to move on, and breakups aren't that easy to get over sometimes. I thought I couldn't be happy anymore, until I found Cory...

Cory was also a girl, like how I was... We both met on deviantart, and we would always hang out with each other. We both liked the same thing, and we like the same kinks (Aagh, I apologize for mentioning!!), But they weren't NSFW, don't worry! Me and Them would always chat on Discord... But then I developed a crush on them... Cory felt suprised when I told them how I was starting to feel... It had been 2 years since I fell in love with someone, and I was happy that the feeling came back.

However, we didn't start a relationship just yet... and was called off early a week after I told them in March, due to the fact they were shy... I understood that feeling. What honestly almost lost my future was the prom. Originally, Cory DID have a prom date to celebrate their night, but he cheated on them for another female... When they told me that he cheated on them, I knew It was time for me to become who I was meant for...

I wanted to be a Lesbian for the rest of my life... And it was my time to have that chance again... I was NOT desperate, but I wanted to make our future into a perfect never-ending chapter... We got together in April 2020 (during the COVID-19 pandemic), and I am happy to announce that we are still a couple! Though there ARE a few changes...

Cory eventually became Genderqueer and Bisexual, because they fell in love with a person (which is now a girl), and... I kinda felt anxious, but hey, it's all settled... Cuz, love is love.

I became Genderfluid, but I mainly identified as a boy, and considered to myself as Gay (I still did NOT want to be reminded of my previous relationship with Zero nor the Guy that had used me for Sexual Assault).

Both of us had felt more... And I realize that Love can and will be infinite 💙❤️🖤♾

So Everyone, Yes I am gay, but I'm also Polyamorous! Unfortunately it IS illegal in the United States, so this is why I'm not telling my school or my family about this... They do accept me for being Gay, but not the Polyamorous part. Again, I'm not telling them I'm Poly, in order to keep myself from being attacked and teased.

To Finalize my Coming Out Blog, I am also feeling attracted to something else... Kinda like how I fell in love with Microphone, but was from another show.

The show was called The Simpsons.

The Simpsons is one of the oldest animated sitcoms, yet it is still the funniest hits I had ever watched from Fox. Without them, I wouldn't have typed this final part...

However, I was not attracted to Marge, Homer, Lisa or anybody... In fact I was in love with a phsycopath... It isn't Snake Jailbird, or Homer's Killer...

I'm In love with Sideshow Bob (Robert Terwilliger).

At that moment when I felt flattered whenever he spoke, or was shown in some scenes of the show (old and new seasons, EXCEPT FOR HIS OLDER APPEARENCE)... I had drawn him for the first time, but it was kinda crappy, because I never drew a Simpsons character in my life. When I was younger I drew Itchy and Scratchy... For a while I stopped... I had a crush on both Itchy and Scratchy... Now it's that Palm Tree Haired Cutie. ❤️

I suddenly got curious if it was possible to love an character like him as a babe... Google gave me and answer, and It found out what my puzzle was.. it's not Bisexual, which I kinda figured...

Apparently, I am Fictosexual. I am in love with animated characters, whether from an adult animated show, teen animated, and POSSIBLY all-family animated show... Which Technically for me, I would always lay my heart on Bob's.

In Conclusion, it's ok to love who you care about, and what you care about, and it is okay to be true to yourself. You can be who you are, and who you think will make you happier, even if it is animated X3

Happy Pride, everyone! YOU ARE ALL VALID!!

#LoveIsLove

#genderfluid #gay love #fictosexual #polyamory #love is love #pride month #pride 2021

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hellomynameisbisexual · 5 years ago

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Good Bi Love: The Unexpected Thing That Keeps Me Going When I'm Tired Of Being Bi

By Zachary Zane

January 15, 2018

This isn't something I care to admit, but it's the truth: I sometimes get tired of being bi. I get tired of justifying my sexuality to naysayers. I get tired of explaining to people that even though I primarily date men, I'm still bisexual. I get tired of feeling the need to justify or prove my sexuality, even though I know I don't have to.

The idea of settling down with one person frightens me, but not for the reasons you think. It has nothing to do with commitment. (If I do decide to be monogamous in the future, I believe I'll know and be ready.) It's because I know that if I do settle down with one person, folks will assume I'm gay if I'm married to a man or straight if I'm married to a woman. I don't like the idea of having these assumptions made about me. I don't want to appear straight or gay when I've embraced my identity as a queer, bi man.

In fact, I wonder if I do settle down with one person, whether I'll be quiet about my (bi)sexuality. Should I reaffirm my attraction to other genders, when I'm with a person of one gender? Wouldn't that make my monosexual partner feel insufficient— like they're not enough— if I'm constantly reclaiming my bisexuality? If I do decide to be monogamous or committed to one person, I want them to feel like they're enough. So constantly correcting people, telling them I'm bi, seems like I'm repeatedly reminding my partner that I'm attracted to other folks. That doesn't seem like the courteous thing to do to the person I love.

I'm exhausted from telling people that bisexuality doesn't perpetuate the binary. That the two in bi stands for genders that are your own and genders that aren't. I feel upstaged and out-queered when I say I'm bi and someone else says, Oh, I'm pansexual. Given that I'm attracted to all genders, I ask myself why I don't tell people I'm pan instead of bi. Isn't that the younger, hipper, more inclusive label that millennials are using? Why am I clinging to this older label, when there is another label, right now, that fits me?

I sometimes wonder if it's even worth it to date women. I'm currently more comfortable around men and I love gay male culture and spaces. I feel less awkward flirting with men and being myself around men. I don't question if I'm being too aggressive or too effeminate. I also get rejected significantly less by guys. So why do I put in the effort to meet women, especially straight ones? Besides, research has shown that most of the time straight women won't date me because I'm bi. So why do I try to date them?

I hate feeling part of gay culture, while simultaneously isolated by it. I hate feeling like I have this community, only to bring a girl I have a crush on out with my gay friends and to feel like a pariah and fraud. I hate how quickly gays turn on me when I simply talk about a woman, in a way that shows I'm sexually attracted to women too.

Wouldn't my life just be a hell of a lot easier if I identified as gay? If I only spoke about, dated, screwed, and loved men?

Yes, I believe it undoubtedly would be... if I were gay.

But I am not. I'm not gay at all. I never have been, and I never will be.

And while at times I may question whether it's worth it— so to speak— to claim the bi label, I always come to the same conclusion: Yes, it really is.

And it's something somewhat unexpected that brings me back to this conclusion. It's not that I want to live my life as my most authentic self (although that's part of it). It's not my desire to claim my own identity for myself and not to give other people that power over me (although that's part of it, too).

It's my exes.

I have been blessed to have dated some of the most incredible people in the entire world. From my first love, Sarah. She taught me that I have the capacity to love and care for others more than I love myself. She also helped me with the self-esteem issues I struggled with when I was 16. She saw the diamond in the rough before anyone else did.

To Jenny, the genderqueer/transgender bi dominatrix who I dated for a year after college. She was the first person to unconditionally accept me for who I was after coming out as bi. She pushed me to question myself and others.

To my most recent ex, Jason. He introduced me to polyamory, helped me overcome my issues surrounding jealousy, and encouraged me to explore myself more. We were one of the most compatible couples that have ever existed. I shared many of my happiest moments in life with him. In fact, many were directly because of him.

It's clear that each one of the people I loved helped me grow as a person. They all challenged me. They've all taught me things about myself, others, society, culture, history, art, and everything else imaginable.

They were also all folks of various genders.

It pains me to think that if I forced a route of being gay or straight or anything else other than bi, I wouldn't have had these experiences. I wouldn't have had these lovers. These people who shaped who I am. If I forced a monosexual route now, I would be forgoing intimate relationships with future partners too. Nor do I ever want to deny the important role these relationships played in my life. I'm only 26. I have my whole life ahead of me. Many more partners to share my life with. Many people to love and to love me.

I believe that we were put on this Earth to make meaningful connections. To have loving relationships. Being bi has allowed me to connect with more incredible people. Thus, only in embracing my bisexuality, and my attraction to all genders, can I live my life to the fullest.

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sheep-sorbet · 2 years ago

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meep! did you sign up for the twewy yuletide exchange? if not, pls ignore the rest of this message. if you did, i had two questions about your prompt. [1] who do you count in the og gang? [2] any hc for the og gang or nagisho? go as hog wild and detailed if you want, esp on how they interact w/ each other? or if you have any Gender Thoughts™. anyway pls ignore this if u want, just thought i would ask since u seem like a rad person and deserve good rad things for the holidays (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

meep meep!!! i did sign up, yeah! tysm for the kind words { @｀ꈊ´@ } 💙

to answer your questions: when I say "OG gang", I mean the main 5 from the first game! Neku, Shiki, Beat, Rhyme, and Joshua. I suppose Hanekoma could be included in that list too, since he's pretty relevant to the story and the other 5, but the age difference + his role in the story makes him more of a narrator imo than a part of the main characters' 'gang' so to speak, if that makes any sense? But his inclusion wouldn't be unwelcomed because I love him. Best dad.

I also wouldn't really count any of the reapers despite their relevance and prevalence, since they don't really hang out with Neku and his friends. And when I wrote that, I wasn't really thinking of Eri since her actual role in the story is pretty small, and restricted to Shiki; But her inclusion would be welcomed, honestly I wish we got to see more of her in the games! So I guess tl;dr, I meant Neku, Shiki, Beat, Rhyme, and Joshua, since they're the main characters in the first game. But the inclusion of Eri, Hanekoma, or both would also be great (as long as it stays platonic between Hanekoma and the rest of the gang, of course!) since they both mean a lot to different members of the gang. But also, don't feel pressured to include everyone! Any combination of characters from the OG gang would be delightful.

As for headcanons and gender thoughts™, HMMM well.... Idk how popular of an idea this is, but i headcanon Beat and Rhyme as both being trans. Specifically, that Beat's a trans guy whose want to transition was just another thing his parents threw back in his face (telling him that he should be "more like his sister" wasn't just about his grades or attitude, basically :c )

For Rhyme, I hc her as some sort of genderqueer or nonbinary, maybe agender? But that she never really came out to her parents because she saw how they treated Beat and didn't think it was worth it, especially because she doesn't dislike being referred to as a girl or with she/her pronouns, it's just not the 'whole picture' for her. Yknow those memes about how Rhyme "ate [her] gender"? That's basically my gender thoughts about Rhyme abfksjg. She likes being called a girl and using she/her pronouns, but it's ultimately of little consequence to her. To her, their parents' insistence that a girl is all she should be is pretty uncomfortable. Rhyme is just Rhyme. And she doesn't really care about society's ideal of what a girl should be, she's always presented more "tomboyish" and likes it that way.

As for the rest of them, hmmmmm. I'm always shooting my transgenderification beams at everyone bsnakdjldg but I don't have any specific headcanons for anyone else? Although, I think trans Shiki would be really cool too, and it would tie into her whole thing about how she didn't really like herself or her body, and wanted to be "more like Eri". It makes her initial character arc even more compelling :3

Also actually now that I'm thinking about it I Do think Fret is a closet genderqueer kid ngl. His adoration for Kanon seems like it's half crush, half gender envy to me shkdjfkh. Maybe that's not relevant but I'm saying it anyways

AS FOR NAGISHO....god i wish it was canon i think it'd be SO funny. There was so much potential there and they almost did something with it, but it ultimately ended up being nothing but a running joke. But it'd be even MORE funny if they did end up together. I absolutely love the idea that Nagi is head over heels for this guy because he happens to look like a video game character she likes, and then Sho just....catches feelings back, completely despite himself. She's The Prettiest Girl He's Ever Seen And He Hates It. Her Combat Skills And Knowledge Of Math Impresses Him And He Hates That A Little Less.

I don't think it'd be a very "serious" relationship, in the sense that I don't think they take themselves or each other that seriously. Sho takes his Goals seriously, and is very assured of his own awesomeness, and Nagi takes her Blorbos and her Games seriously; but neither of them have any sense to me of being the kind of person to take an actual romantic relationship as seriously as most people do.

Like yeah, they're dating, and Sho probably crashes at her place to cuddle and mooch off her cup noodles (and complains the whole time about how they suck), but I don't imagine they care very much about the 'ideals' of a relationship. They hang out and play games, Nagi kicks his ass in smash bros and he excuses it as the game's calculations being bunk, he cuddles like a cat because he basically is one, they're both very content. I find this dynamic hilarious. I want them to cause chaos together.

He takes her to a convention and by the end of the day he's insulted a beloved voice actor and stolen several hundred dollars worth of rare merchandise, just so he can add it to his trash-art-heap. It's for a game Nagi thinks sucked so she doesn't care about the loss and thinks it's funny. Nagi forces him to dress up as the character he looks like and everyone at the con loses their minds over how good his cosplay is. Nagi gets tired of other people getting to oggle him and makes him take it off. She's not even jealous, she just hates how everyone ends up crowded around the both of them and sulks about how she should have seen this coming. They get pretzels at the mall, he leaves suddenly to handle some convoluted shit related to his goal to become composer, she has eaten all the pretzels by the time he gets back even though it took like 20 minutes. No she's not sorry. That's the kind of ship they are to me hdkshdksnfh

Also, I think Nagi would be really good at reading Sho's actual moods and he would absolutely hate that. If he's genuinely upset about something, she'd bully him into telling her what's wrong. It's like pulling teeth in a stinky back alley with no painkillers every single time.

ANYWAYS thank you for the ask and I'm sorry for all the rambling lol, I hope it wasn't too much or too confusing. I can't wait to find out who you are when the event is over so I can thank you more directly!! :3

#asks #answered #sheep speak #long post #SORRY LOL THIS GOT SO LONG AAHDJSHFKH #twewy #ntwewy #<- tagging in case someone has that blacklisted

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