#also also i saw your other note abt psychological

[daryascurse]

Hi~~~ My cabin fic is nearly done, but is ready to share! Uploaded onto my ao3. First two parts are up, and the final three will be uploaded in the next few weeks!! had a lot fun working on this story :) The Devil Pays More...

😩💗💗💗 hii i am SO SORRY for being offline and missing this promptly!! this is AMAZING THANK YOU!!! it'll be up on the masterlist very shortly :) I love love love that it's multiple parts.. I'm debating if mine will be as well.

Thank you for joining the cabin! I hope your time has been THRILLING :)

[average-submas-enthusiast]

My Experience with Wilbur Soot

So, the Wilbur Soot situation. This is mostly going to be me ranting abt the whole situation, so don't keep reading if you don't care.

I mostly just had to type this out and post it so I can vent and (hopefully) get over Wilbur Soot.

Wilbur supporters DNI

I've been a fan of Wilbur's for a long time, I believe the first time I watched him was in January 2021. Initially, I just knew him from Technoblade's (Rest in Power, king) videos, but after a while, he kinda grew into his own thing for me.

I wasn't huge into Dream Smp as it came out, as most of the time I couldn't tune in for personal reasons.

I started seriously watching it in September of 2021 if I remember correctly. It soon became a hyperfixation of mine. I knew basically every crumb of lore like the back of my hand, and I loved what Wilbur did for both the server and its stories. I still do, to an extent, as the Dream SMP is still really near and dear to my heart.

Then, Lovejoy’s Pebble Brain album came out. Previously, I had no idea Wilbur had started a band, so it was a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one. So when I tell you that that album had been my single favorite album of all time up until this point, you better believe it. I spent hours listening to the songs, over and over again, whether it was on a good day or a bad one, I always had a small comfort.

After about a year or so, I fell out of MCYT again. I still kept up with it occasionally, mostly just watching Tommy and Wilbur.

Frankly, before Tuesday, I hadn't even thought about Wilbur Soot since about 2 months ago. So, when all of a sudden, I saw he was trending on here, I was somewhat excited. I thought he had announced a new project or something. So, I clicked on the hashtag.

I am truly disgusted by Wilbur Soot's actions. To think, someone who I personally looked up to, did such horrendous actions is horrifying to me.

A part of me feels almost ashamed that I didn’t see it, that any signs in the past of Will being a bad person I swept under the rug, choosing to ignore it because “He was young'' or “He said he was sorry”. However, I have since realized that I COULDN’T know what was going on behind the scenes. I only saw his persona, the mask he put on when he streamed or was recording. TBH, this situation has really affected me, if me writing such a long post about the situation didn't tip you off already.

And worst of all was his "apology”. I first learned about this situation on Tuesday, about 3 hours before he made his public “apology”. When I read it, at first I was semi-satisfied, because he claimed he was/had gone to therapy and felt his previous actions were “slobish, disrespectful, and selfish”. I felt like he had downplayed his actions, but that overall he had felt bad and was seeking help.

Then, I realized a ton of things were wrong with it. Not only did he downplay his actions, he completely skipped over like 75% of it, he also JUST DIDN'T SAY SORRY. He somewhat vaguely apologized, if you turn your head and squint, but the words “I'm sorry” never appear in the text.

With all these things coming together, plus all the reactions by creators that have met him IRL/talked to him in private, I can't in good conscience support Wilbur Soot. Whether it be in music, youtube, twitch, whatever, I just can’t. I have removed all of both his and Lovejoy’s songs from my streaming playlists, and have pirated a small few that I’ve used as comfort music. I plan on eventually fully cutting him and his work out entirely, but I need a little time to adjust. I feel bad for not supporting Lovejoy, as there are other members than Will, but I feel it is the best course of action unless they fully remove him from both the band and the cash flow.

Hopefully reading through my experience has helped anybody else who has felt a familiar experience to me. I truly hope Wilbur gets the help he needs, he is a messed up individual, and needs psychological help.

Small note: Please, don't tell Wilbur to kill himself, while his actions were bad, that's not an excuse to tell somebody to end their own life. His actions were horrible, but verbally assaulting someone online is not a reasonable reaction to this situation.

Go support Shubble. She's very brave to talk about her experiences. Support SA victims. Go support both Tommy and Phil, Tommy has most likely been a victim of his manipulation and abuse and Phil is a close friend of his that most likely feels betrayed and hurt by his close friend’s actions.

I don't really have anything else to say, so bye everyone, stay safe and vigilant.

[fiction-is-god]

Hi!

1, 7, and 8 for the general questions!

3, 4, and 5 for the trial questions!

1 for Mahiru, 2 for Es, and 5 for Mahiru for prisoner questions!

1. Which Milgram character is your favourite, and why?

Es because I have main character bias.

On a more serious note, it really switches between Es, Haruka, Mikoto, Kotoko, and whoever else wants to join the cycle. I just latch onto whoever I’m thinking about the most at the moment

Back to Es they are very Creature and plagued by the Voices I love them

7. Which prisoner do you think you would get on with the most if you met them in person, and why?

Probably Mikoto if he isn’t being swamped with work. He seems chill and easy to get along with

8. Which prisoner do you think you would get on with the least if you met in person, and why?

Haruka tbh. He’s bad at communicating + I’m bad at communicating, we’re just not gonna talk.

3. Which (number) trial song do you enjoy the most, and why?

In t1, I’d say Weakness. SHUN HORIE’S RANGE IS FUCKING INSANE. LIKE WHAT ??? HOW ??????

T2 - Deep Cover. THE WAY ALL THE PRISONERS GET MENTIONED AND HIW IT SAYS A LOT ABT HOW KOTOKO SEES THE OTHER PRISONERS AND HOW GUILTY IS THE ONLY CHOICE IN HER EHES AND INEPT (11) GUARD IMMFEHHE

4. Which (number) trial cover do you enjoy the most, and why?

Es hibana cover no im not biased wdym.

Second trial best cover goes to Amane and Fuuta. Animal and Salamander are just both so peak

5. Which (number) trial MV do you enjoy the most, and why?

T1- MeMe. It really feels like the animation budget ramped up for Mikoto. There’s a lot less still frames and cgi

T2- idk if it’s my all time favorite but I’m just gonna say Cat because I love the more old-timey style of it, as well as how the text is incorporated into the MV.

1. What do you think of Mahiru and why?

I’m rlly curious about her family life. When I first saw her I was just like ok yeah she’s just someone who’s too overbearing, but after reading ppls theories pointing out how she barely talks about her family, I wonder what caused her to become this overbearing.

2. What are your headcanons about Es?

AIGHT OK.

- they definitely do cape swoosh in order to make themselves seem physically larger and more threatening. It works sometimes.

- spends all of their free time inside of their room reading law and psychology books. Partially because they like it and also partially because they think it’ll make them a better warden/judge

- not really a hc but it would be really funny if all the Es covers were just from Es singing the songs to themselves because it got stuck in their head and then someone was recording them

- somewhere in the corner of Es’ brain there is a constant running stream of gay gay homosexual gay and it’s only gotten louder

- aroace Es ftw

5. What do you think of Mahiru’s song/s?

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE THEM. Esp I Love You. I love how her voice goes from a colder speaking tone to the melodic music. The contrast is so good and she pulls the switch off so well. I love how they really lean into that with her covers too

[violenceenthusiast]

im curious why people are saying supernatural is jewish like idk if jewish writers makes an inherently jewish story especially when things like following out the christian apocalypse from revelations and showing a real physical g-d who is just some guy i think is super jarring since though christians claim to be against idolatry they seem totally fine showing depictions of gd or whatever i dont get jesus honestly but jews are far more strict and the idea of showing gds appearance is pretty wrong

WOOF okay um. Maybe this is one of those Tone Doesn’t Come Thru Well Online things but to me this is soo fucking rude… I’m half way between John Mulaney we don't have time to unpack all of that & Ben Wyatt wait it’s gonna bother me if I don’t explain why you’re wrong. 

This turned into all my thoughts. 

So like. First off, it’s all fun and games. We’re all just joking and joshing and projecting here on destiel dot tumblr dot com and Jupernatural is not an exception in a lot of ways. And so when someone shits on what we’re doing here (yes, even unintentionally) what you get is what happened: oh you think you’re funny well I’m about to be hilarious!!! aka I’m gonna do it even more now out of spite specifically because you said not to. Like it really is all jokes but also you know what’s not a joke? Antisemitism in all its forms, even the casual shit! It’s really draining and it builds up in your veins!! Just. Yeah. You saw a lot of people talking about it today in particular because much like other topics of the day, one thing kicks off a whole other turn of events. So like. one misguided comment that’s playfully antisemitic and then one more little one, and then one big/obvious one launched us (Jewish spn fans) into a whole bigger discussion about antisemitism and erasure of Jews in the spn fandom writ large. It’s one thing to be descriptive, offer a headcanon/what if, or employ a certain mode of analysis. It’s another thing to definitively say This Is The Truth, specifically when to do so overrides something else, especially in this case when what’s being overridden is Jews, an ethnoreligious minority. It’s also another thing to talk over Jews. And mind this has been building for days. Not in a bad way just like, it’s been topical for days and then today one big thing pushed it over the edge to us actually posting abt it (partially bc at that point it’s a pattern, which feels like it needs to be addressed). Like, destiel tumblr is small we pretty much all see all the same posts, and then Jewish spn fans… we’re friends, we chat about life? We joke around together, y’know? If you’re being antisemitic (yes, even unintentionally) we’re all gonna hear abt it. It’s how we stay safe or in this case, curate the online exp.

That being said tho projecting on fiction is like fun and even a good thing at times, and def opens up new modes of analysis. But! the other big thing here is that there IS a LOT of evidence for a Jewish reading of spn, in a lot of ways, and particularly if you know what to look for. Like there’s lots of niche Jewish slang (non-Jews just don’t know these things, and that is a reflection primarily of the writers but once you put it in the script it implies things about the characters too of course), the theology of the early seasons (I’ll get to that in a second), main character motivations (hold on), “Moishe Campbell” implying Mary is (and therefore Sam and Dean are) Jewish, etc. 

It’s not surprising to me or anything that non-Jews don’t catch anything/everything Jewish about spn but that Jews catch both sides of it, because that’s just how being part of a marginalized group works. You learn about your own stuff AND the dominant culture’s stuff because that’s how you survive (socially, psychologically, literally). Members of the dominant culture don’t need to learn the marginalized one, are never confronted with it, and so they just.. don’t. I don’t even mean that in a normative or accusatory way, that’s just an observation on the state of things. Non-Jews who aren’t part of another marginalized religion, aka expressed xtians and cultural xtians, have a ton of misconceptions about Judaism, for example, “Jesus was Jewish” and not, “Jesus was an asshole of an apostate who made life harder for Jews at the time in a myriad of ways and whose movement has had a lasting negative impact on world Jewry (and other peoples) for the ensuing millenia”. I truly Don’t Have Time right now to get into the varied and intense history of antisemitism in all its forms but. the point I’m making here is that I’m not shocked I need to explain that life experience shapes your worldview?? So if you’re Jewish you’re always gonna be living life through that version of the world and it does impact you?? Same as anything else?? As unwell as they may be, spn writers aren’t exempt from that. Jewish people writing about xtianity are doing so thru a primarily Jewish understanding and vice versa. Jews can (and did!) write about xtian lore but in a Jewish way! Some core Jewish themes: wrestling with angels/G-d, questioning G-d, IF there’s a G-d they will have to beg MY forgiveness, the afterlife isn’t really a big thing so all that matters is your time on earth, make amends to others directly and thru your actions rather than seeking absolution with G-d, you are not obligated to complete the work nor may you abandon it, etc… So that’s the other reasoning why we say “spn is Jewish” based solely on it being written by Jews. Rather than Death of The Author, let’s look at what the author has imbued the story with, both intentionally and unintentionally. And re: Chuck and idolatry… I don’t even know where to start with the way you phrased this but. the Jewish Spn Writers of Note are apparently Kripke, Gamble, and Edlund. All of whom stopped writing for the show years before the Chuck Is God plot! 

Like yes it feels very stupid to be writing a thousand words on antisemitism and supernatural but like. this is a spn blog run by a Jew so. This whole thing is also just the same every time. This is very representative of typical casual antisemitism.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review ch (90)- First pages ONLY.

I skimmed thro ch-89 to know the context of ch-90. it was Cinderella’s play. In this chapter, Kyo says early on, that time has passed since the play & that they are NOW starting their third year in high school. cool.

This part will ONLY focus on the 1st few pages of ch 90 abt (kyo & tohru) & stop before kyo’s memories starts, because the early pages contain:

Tons of new unexplored analysis of (kyo & tohru) characters that unfortunately was intentionally cut & worse! “changed” in the anime.

No space to add kyoko’s story in this post.

Kyoko’s story is full psychologically & socially.. I need to take a deeeeeeep breath before I unpack it. very deeeeep breath!

-Glimpses of Tohru (the silent grieving girl) Subtle Writing of Grief:

Right from the beginning, I hate how much insight into tohru’s grief & weakness as a human being is already there in the first few pages of ch-90 than the entire 3 seasons of the anime! From few pages we have:

Tohru’s seemingly delighted watching a video. Subtly, showcasing tohru’s grieve & paving the path for tohru’s trauma exploration later in the story. Grief is not sth you quickly past, that’s the most tragic misunderstanding of grief. Time will pass, so, you’ll be better & healthier. Really?!. Tohru’s inner desire to see her mom alive manifested in her words: “ like a photo comes to life” T_T.

The story/writing/manga is acknowledging tohru’s heartbreaking & NOT cute habit of talking to her mom’s cold dead photo! In the anime, tohru talks to her a lot in se01 & it’s up to you to see as as “ cute” as all the canon characters do or actually feeling it IS wrong. Kyo’s  “ what would she do if there were a video of her mom”! “ drives the point more abt tohru being a sad grieving human~not the “advice-giving, optimistic angel, & rain-stopping sunshine in the anime.

Tohru telling kyo to NOT catch cold connecting it to se01, ep 9 (haru’s ep) when tohru was afraid that yuki might catch cold & kyo noticed that! so now in se03, they’re dropping this plot altogether within the main anime, for what? we dont even know if this part would be included in whatever “ kyoko’s” spinoff content would be. -_-’.

That’s how you write subtle trauma such as (grief) for a main (female) MC. subtlety is the key. Respect the viewers intelligence & do it.

You don’t have to give her the long speeches or the many focused ep that yuki had. he’s the kind who confront himself inwardly constantly.

You don’t have to showcase drama, confrontation & force the emotions out like you did with kyo. he runs from his trauma & punishes himself.

Tohru buries her feelings! she’s different from both kyo & yuki. So, with her subtle & symbolic scenes are enough!!!The viewers will catch it if you show it, but ignoring it, cutting it & hoping the viewers will magically predict what you cut, is weird. But the anime isn’t even into us predicting nor subtly showing her cuz this tohru is NOT the tohru we have in the anime. How?

Simply cuz there is no kyo’s inner thoughts abt small things such as tohru’s photo obsession which subtly shows her grief & trauma. If kyo didn’t monologue abt her, tohru does not exist as she’s meant to be. You loose the subtle insights into tohru if you cut kyo’s inner thoughts. Not everything kyo thinks abt in regards to tohru is romance!!! That’s a very narrow & superficial look into the writing of kyo/’tohru dynamics. Flip the pages, hmm..cut this kyoru scene here & there cuz we dont want the anime to be only their love story.. But the story itself IS NOT only their love story at all. These pages/scenes here are abt tohru as a PERSON. Not tohru the lover...

- Writing Clashes between manga & anime: (Kyo’s Conscious Gradual Psychological Exploration vs Shock Value & Drama)

In ch 90 i really love all the inner self talking that kyo’s doing. It really explains why he ended up rejecting tohru so strongly. Also, going for a trip into kyo’s mind is hella exciting, new, refreshing & full of analysis-worthy exploration! Kyo’s inner psychological argument with himself is a psychologically-informed presentation of a tried guilty mind:

“ Why can’t I stop thinking of (kyoko’s words) lately? Acknowledging that he IS remembering kyoko & never forgot her. This is also supported in the anime itself. When he apologized to a sleeping tohru in se01, ep14 & se02, ep9 , confronting yuki in the stairs & other instances as well. 

“ It’s like a lid been opened & all the memories came pouring”. Acknowledging that kyo DID open his lid since se02, ep9 byt chose to run & not confront it due to his guilt of ruining tohru’s happiness by confessing his connection to her mom. 

“ pretending I didn’t know, pretending I forgot”. Here is a blatant clash in kyo’s writing (1) between the anime & manga (2) between the anime’s episodes themselves!!. In the manga, again kyo chose to ignore & pretended to forget. Death is NOT sth you forgot. Kyo saw kyoko bleeding & dying.  The anime chose to make him totally forget & it could’ve worked if they didn’t included all the canon moments of him actually remembering & pretending to forget. Is that lazy writing? or was the director for se03 different from se 1 &2 &? chose to NOT watch the two previous seasons? Why would you consciously include a contradicting depiction of your character on screen for thousands of confused viewers? Was the scene of kyo’s shocked gave upon seeing kyoko’s photo that artistically appealing that you forgot everything? I really have NO problem of kyo forgetting kyoko if that was written in the anime since se01, but it wasn't. that's why it sucks. 

“Is this payback? maybe I want to blame ME?” augh! i love this line so much! Directly hinting to the viewers that this is kyo’s one-sided guilt before his story with kyoko even started! subtly paving the path for the reason of his rejection of tohru” I dont want forgiveness. I want to blame ME.

-I don’t mind that the anime left kyo’s thoughts of kyoko until the climax in eo8, cuz ep 8 was SO well-done! Se03, ep 8 pacing was very suitable to (1) uncovering dark secrets & death, trauma, & guilt. (2)  for exploring the effects such secrets on kyo’s character, decisions, mentality. Also, the animation of kyo’s face all ep 8 was one of the most expressive facial expressions the anime has ever delivered! The eyebrows, eyes, mouth, tears, body languages, heartache was all 100% perfect. The fact that the following eps didnt have much time to express everything & chapters were cramped is not ep 8′s fault but the decision to have 13 eps. Kyo’s delayed trauma deserved to have its own ep.

-What I DO mind is the added scene of ep 6 where he freaked out upon seeing kyoko’s picture, the concept of shock is perfect & so suitable for an anime but was NEVER properly written into the anime itself from the beginning. On the contrary, the anime itself contradict such usage of such value. Good job ruining an otherwise perfect-depiction of two traumatized characters (kyo & tohru) with ONE scene.. -_-

Side Notes:

I thought tohru is narrating the 1st page in ch-90, turned it out it is kyo!!!! Kyo narrates sth? Kyo monologues? kyo has a POV? Just the setting of kyo doing that feels different! I duno if it cuz when that happens in the anime it’s always clash & drama! lol, or cuz it’s sth original!

Shigure’s “ it’s broadcasted all over the nation” is epic! XD! you know poor stupid kyo would fall for that! XD. kyo, you really are an idiot! XD... man this scene would’ve been epic comedy~ lol.

Tohru not knowing what a “dvd” is is outdated for the anime, but to still keep the sentiment of “her wishing she’d have a video footage of her mom”, they could’ve replaced her words with “ It’d be fun watching this play years from now & remembering all the details”. I know that to some, it feels weird that tohru doesn't have video footage of her mom in this era. but trust me, this is more common than you might think. My late brother, who’s way younger than me, doesn't have much video footage, he always felt awkward & preferred not to be filmed. We got photos for him tho~

Even if you want kyo’s knowledge of kyoko to be in the climax only. You can always include this scene of tohru & kyo in the first pages in the anime somehow. It doesn't even need to be abt the dvd even tho that’s manageable. Cutting this short scene of them talking abt videos, & catching cold is cutting tohru’s trauma from its core. Then, the old grandpa’s narration from se03, ep6 would at least have some backup in the anime’s canon.

Momiji & shigure are perfect as a comedic duo!

I can’t get over tohru’s art~ <3

Pinning kyo at the beginning is epic~ kyo always gets the BEST romantic lines when he talks to himself. “ burning (tohru’s ) memories into my head or forgetting everything”. The torturing fire inside him is only distinguished by loving her but is also ignited by loving her~ what’s the solution~

[addictedtostorytelling]

hiya~ loving all of your csi posts, especially gsr!!! ive been watching s4 and came across butterflied for the millionth time. after reading ur metas on it, l I have a few questions if u don’t mind? This is more of a hypothetical but: let’s say Sara (and/or the team) was with Grissom when he did his first walkthrough Debbie’s house (which I thought is something they all did together) - hypothetically, how do u see the events play out? How do u see Grissom and Sara reacting to that? Do u think he’ll still be obsessive and weird abt the case if Sara was, for a lack of better term, “in on it”? On a separate note, do you think Brass or maybe Catherine could’ve suggested Sara to join Grissom in interrogating Lurie? I just think his (Lurie’s) reaction to seeing a doppelgänger of the girl he just killed question him abt said murder would’ve been… interesting.

hi, anon!

my sense is that in the canonical episode, grissom’s desperation to keep sara from going inside the house/seeing debbie stems from two different but equally strong impulses in him:

one is the impulse to protect sara, because he knows that it would be psychologically damaging to her to see her own doppelgänger dead;

the other is the impulse to himself avoid having to react to seeing the girl he loves and her murdered mirror image in the same room together, because he doesn't trust himself not to reveal his feelings for sara in that kind of emotionally fraught situation.

to both of those ends, everything he does in the episode is about prevention.

he wants to prevent sara from ever seeing debbie.

he wants to prevent himself from saying or doing anything that would intimate to sara (or anyone else) how he feels about her.

obviously, in a scenario where grissom and sara both see debbie's body for the first time together, then “prevention” is off the table for him.

whether he likes it or not, sara would already be seeing the body, so there'd be no way for him to protect her; the image would be burned into her mind from that point forward, regardless.

likewise, whether he likes it or not, he would be forced to react to seeing sara and debbie in the same space together in real time, so there'd be no way for him to avoid having to confront his emotions with sara present. he wouldn't be able to afford himself any time or distance. he'd either successfully check his emotions or he wouldn't, and there'd be nothing he could do to insulate himself from the situation.

so in that case, his m.o. would have to change.

instead of preventing the damage, he’d have to shift to trying to deal with it.

thoughts on how this new tack might play out for him (and sara) after the “keep reading,” if you’re interested.

__

in a situation where either grissom and sara alone or grissom and sara plus one or more teammates entered the initial crime scene where they first found debbie marlin’s body together, here’s how i think things might shake out:

first, on sara’s side of things:

in the canonical episode, sara tries to downplay the resemblance between herself and debbie until catherine explicitly draws attention to it, and even then she pretends not have herself noticed.

one has to wonder: would she be able to do the same if the first time she saw debbie it was not by herself in the solemnity of the morgue but with grissom (and possibly other team members) by her side at the primary scene? would she have been able to maintain her composure, seeing her mirror image bled out on a bathroom floor?

my sense is that her initial impulse probably would be to at least try to refrain from commenting on or outwardly reacting to the resemblance to the point where someone else might notice, even and especially if it was in fact shaking her up.

to my mind, she wouldn't want to reveal her upset not only for fear of being unprofessional but also because i'm sure that her feelings in that situation would be very complicated, and i doubt she'd be eager to try to put them into words.

how could she explain what she was feeling, staring down a tableau of her own gruesome murder? and particularly when just thinking about it makes her want to cry or scream or go running out of the room?

of course, given that in canon, sara is not entirely successful in downplaying how freaked out she is by the likeness when catherine brings it up to her in the locker room, it's possible and even probable that she wouldn't be completely able to feign nonchalance here, either.

—and especially not considering that even if she tried to ignore what she was seeing, others in the room might not do the same.

while i doubt that if it were grissom and sara in the room together alone, he'd be likely to acknowledge the resemblance aloud, and particularly not explicitly, his body language might draw attention to it otherwise. for example, he might not be able to help himself from staring between debbie and sara as if he'd seen a ghost or from moving protectively between the two of them, maybe even reaching out to touch sara before he could help himself.

other team members beyond grissom might be even bolder. in canon, catherine does say to sara's face that debbie looks just like her, so it wouldn't be a stretch to imagine that she might do the same here. warrick, nick, or greg might also be inclined to point out the coincidence, perhaps even in a less than sensitive manner (e.g., nick gives a long whistle through his teeth and looks between grissom and sara: "so is anyone else going to say it?").

of course, even if no one said anything in so many words, the vibes in the room could still be very awkward, with everyone present just staring at sara, wide-eyed and horrified, waiting for her to say something.

—and if anyone did say anything or even just looked at her that way, then she might be forced to respond.

maybe, as in canon, she'd straight-up lie about not noticing the resemblance, or perhaps she'd try to make a dumb joke about the situation, or else be terse about it ("can we just get back to work, please?").

in any case, my sense is that even if she could maybe fool others into accepting that she was okay to work the case (or at least convince them not to pester her about the resemblance, even if they didn't fully buy into her protestations that she was okay), she couldn't do so with grissom.

he's good enough at reading her that even if she was trying her damnedest to act like she wasn't bothered, he'd know better.

he'd be able to read how unsettled she was from her reactions.

—and especially since he'd be equally unsettled himself.

like i said, i think if he and sara were alone in the room together when they first set eyes on the body, he might make some sort of protective gesture or even touch her before he could stop himself. 

of course, he’d probably immediately be self-conscious about what he’d done, and she’d be embarrassed, too, unsure of how to respond, but i think they might be able to fumble through to grissom asking, his face still burning with heat, “do you want me to call someone else?” at which point, i think sara would tell him that she was okay to work the case, not necessarily because she was but because a) she didn’t want to give in to the weird, existential fear (think her response when grissom asks her if she wants to swap out with someone in episode 05x21 “committed”), and b) she realized that they were both kind of equally shaken up and, somehow, he needed her to stay there with him.

in that case, they might end up processing the marlin house together, sara putting on a brave face and grissom keeping a very watchful (hangdog) eye on her throughout.

however, if there were others in the room along with them, i think his self-consciousness might kick in, to the point where he could restrain himself from making his discomfort physically known by touching and/or shielding her. 

that said, he might still have a hard time not staring between the body and sara.

he also might get somewhat imperious with everyone and start “tossing around his weight” as the supervisor, as has often been his tendency in the past when he’s been upset with something having to do with sara (see, for example, in episode 03x02 “the accused is entitled,” when after he learns from phillip gerard that sara and hank are dating, he goes on a mini-rampage, being terse with catherine, warrick, and nick, all in quick succession, thereafter). 

no real way to support my conjecture here, but i think that (with an audience around) his instinct would be to send sara out of the room as quickly as possible, assigning her to some other area of the house, like the bedroom or spare bedroom, or even outside, like he does in canon. 

ditto for any of other junior team members who were present.

sara might protest these orders on his part, not wanting to be sent away from the action or babied (despite her upset), but she also might for once accept the out he was offering, thankful for the excuse to not be staring her dead self in the face anymore.

personally, i don’t think grissom would really trust anyone but himself and catherine with processing the body and bathroom, so that part of the episode—just the two of them, detailing the initial scene—would probably stay the same.

however, i think his behavior from there would change.

whereas in canon, he remains in the marlin house for hours, refusing to leave until he comes across usable evidence, i think that action on his part is based in that impulse to prevent that we talked about earlier; he is essentially guarding both the crime scene and his own heart, keeping sara away from the images that might harm her and her and everyone else from seeing him when he is so emotionally indisposed.

the only person he can stand to have witness him in such an unhinged state is catherine, which really is a testament to the depth of their friendship.

obviously, in this scenario, since the damage has already been done, both in terms of sara seeing the body and everyone seeing him after he’d seen her seeing the body, that preventative element is gone.

that so, i tend to think he might actually be willing to leave the house somewhat sooner—and particularly as, at this point, his #1 priority would probably be checking up on sara.

i can imagine a scenario where after he and catherine realized there had been more than one victim killed in the bathroom due to the preponderance and placement of the blood, he ventured out to check on sara where she was processing the bedroom, and he happened on her examining one of the same framed photographs he looks at in the canonical episode, finding her transfixed by this woman who looks so much like her second self.

at that point, i can see him very quietly and sheepishly asking if she’s okay, and her responding with one of her trademark “i’m fine” lies.

given where they are in their relationship trajectory at that point, i don’t know that he’d feel comfortable calling her on that bullshit.

still, he might find some excuse for them to return to the lab at that point (knowing she’d be more willing to go if she weren’t the only one leaving the scene).

all the same, even getting out of the primary scene, they’d both (undoutedly) still be weirded out.

i think both in the version of this story where they’re the only two csis processing the house and in the one where they have the team around them, eventually, it’d become a scenario very much like the one in episode 04x03 “homebodies,” where grissom spends the whole episode engulfed with this very heavy, palpable worry for sara but has no real way to articulate it, since he’s not allowed (or at least is not allowing himself) to give a real name to what he’s feeling, so instead he just kind of hovers, staring at her with these really long, intense looks, not knowing what to do with himself or how he can help her.

and her? i think she’d eventually get quiet, much like she does in the canonical episode, turning inward on herself as she contemplates the image of her own death coupled with the strangeness of grissom’s reaction, feeling utterly haunted in her own skin.

and from there, i think it would all come down to whether or not she ever broke and allowed grissom to see just how badly shaken she was.

if not—if she kept pretending to be fine, refusing to acknowledge her upset to him, even if he asked—i don’t know that he’d be brave enough to make anything of it, to push through and force her to talk; he’d assume, much as he does in canon, that he has no quarter with her anymore. 

if she doesn’t want to talk to him, he can’t force her to, you know? particularly not in the wake of how he rejected her last year. in his opinion, after everything he’s done to her, he’s lost the right to know her personal feelings, if he ever had that right at all, so if she wants to lie to his face and say she’s fine even when she’s anything but, that’s her prerogative. that’s how just the way things are now, and he has to live with it, because he’s the one who chose it, right?

so in this version of the story, i can see an ending where they work the case, realize that they’re not going to be able to convict lurie, and sara just dejectedly tells grissom that she’s headed out. he watches her grab her things from her locker, wanting desperately to say something useful, but ultimately he can’t think of anything allowable, so he just stands there, helpless, knowing that she’s probably going to go home and cry her eyes out, and there’s nothing he can do about it because he’s so chickenshit.

again, i compare this ending to the one from episode 04x03 “homebodies.”  

however.

let’s say sara behaves somewhat differently.

if she actually allowed herself to be vulnerable—and especially if she did that thing she sometimes does when she says something raw and brash and honest and uncomfortable like “do you want to sleep with me?” or “it’s just, um, you tell me to get a life, and then i get one, and then you expect me to be there at a moment’s notice. it’s, um, confusing,” practically daring grissom to make something of it—then i think there could be a chance that, unlike in canon, this episode could actually be a real gsr breakthrough.

don’t get me wrong: i don’t think the episode ends with them going home together, no matter what.

but if she gave him any indication of how poorly she was actually doing and how much she needed him—even just as a friend—then i think we could have seen the shift in his behavior that in canon occurs only after her near-dui in episode 04x23 “bloodlines” start to take place here instead.

maybe finding her at the end of shift, sitting alone in the stillness and dark of the locker room, wearing a one-thousand yard stare, seeming smaller than he’d ever seen her before, something would click for him just a little bit sooner—and especially if she said something real to him, even just to the tune of admitting she was tired or that the case had taken a lot out of her.

i’m not saying they’d be fixed all at once.

but it could’ve been a sticking point. 

maybe grissom would’ve started to be more mindful of her from then on. maybe they could’ve started to repair some of that damage between them prior to s5.

now.

as for the matter of catherine or brass maybe trying to use sara’s likeness to debbie to their advantage in the interrogation, i don’t necessarily think they’d do so unless they had the sense that sara was 100% comfortable being used in that manner and wasn’t upset about the likeness at all herself because otherwise her being in on the interview would freak her out just as much as it would lurie.

so if sara volunteered? maybe they’d consider it.

but if, like in canon, catherine had had a conversation with sara where she’d asked her about the resemblance point-blank and seen sara recoil, then i think she wouldn’t want to take the risk, not only because it would be cruel to sara (and for as much as catherine and sara do butt heads in the early seasons, catherine isn’t callous enough to completely disregard her feelings in that way) but also because it’d be bad strategy, case-wise. 

as assistant supervisor to the night shift, catherine knows her personnel, and she knows that when sara gets emotional, she can get out of line sometimes; the last thing she’d want is for sara to lose her shit and go off on lurie, jeopardizing the investigation and giving him grounds to sue the lvpd for harassment. 

better to keep them apart if there’s any chance that sara couldn’t handle it, you know?

as for brass, in the canonical episode, he doesn’t really interact with debbie’s body—his first line of the episode is to ask grissom if it’s okay for him and the rest of the team to enter the house yet, indicating that he has not to that point himself been inside and therefore that he has not seen the body—and while i’m sure he looks at pictures of the debbie as the investigation unfolds, he may not be close enough to that aspect of the case to really have the same sense of how nearly she resembles sara (and how much the resemblance is weirding several members of team graveyard out) as do grissom, catherine, and sara herself.

i mean, maybe he does.

but it’s also possible that the thought of using sara to bait lurie might not even cross his mind.

if it did, perhaps he’d go for it if he had a sense that sara would be down to play along. however, i think that, as with catherine, he wouldn’t consider it a good idea if he had any sense that sara might be unsettled taking part in the interview, and particularly as he tends to be naturally somewhat protective of her.

i also think that, veteran cop that he is, he’d be aware that while using sara to fuck with lurie’s head could work to their advantage, there’s also a possibility that lurie is unrepentant and twisted enough that not only would it not bother him to be sitting across from the twin of the girl he killed, but he also might find it perversely gratifying.

and if that were the case? brass would feel awful about placing sara in the position to have to engage with him.

of course, even if catherine, brass, and sara were all on board with the idea of sara interrogating lurie, i think grissom would put his foot down.

absolutely the fuck not.

no wife of his.

i imagine him getting huffy about it, like he does when sara volunteers for the sting operation in episode 01x23 “strip strangler.”

how exactly he’d rationalize his opposition to the plan, i don’t know.

maybe it’d be a good time for him to remember that in real life, csis don’t actually interview suspects.

he’d definitely try his damnedest to keep her out of that room, though.

of course, the question is if she’d even want to be in there to begin with.

honestly, i can see sara going either way—on the one hand maybe wanting to haunt the shit out of lurie on debbie’s behalf, but on the other hand not wanting to see the look of cold hatred in his eyes when he stared at her.

in the end, i think her willingness to either take part in the interrogation or not would probably come down to how worn down she was after working the case to that point. if thoughts of her own mortality had been hitting her hard, then maybe she might not be up for it. but if she was galvanized, then maybe. maybe she’d be willing to do it if she really thought it could help.

if she did want to go in, then she and grissom would probably come to loggerheads about it, a la what happens in episode 01x23 “strip strangler.”

maybe he’d pull rank on her and prevail, but maybe she’d make an emotional appeal to him (“please. i need to do this. i need to do something to help”) and he’d eventually relent.

one thing’s for certain, though: if she did end up in that room, there’s no way grissom would have delivered his monologue—not when he could be sure that she would hear him do it.

anyway, obviously everything i’ve said here is purely conjectural, and there’s no real evidence to support any of it.

personally, i’m glad we got the version of the episode that we did. it’s one of those very rare perfect hours of television, and i’d never want to change a thing about it.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[demonir]

Ok lmao I literally watched emesis blue with my mom last night here’s what I did, I originally was just gonna say it in tags but I got a lot to say apparently bc I love to yap

Also I know this post is hours old so I might be late but I still wanna share ✌️

MOVIE SPOILERS AHEAD, THEY WILL BE MARKED

Watching the movie doesn’t require in depth knowledge of the source thankfully but some surface knowledge would enhance the experience such as “two ugly old brothers have 2 teams of mercenaries fighting each other in a worthless war in New Mexico in the 1960s, also when they die they come back to life and it’s called respawning in game terms” this all depends on if you’ve already told your dad abt tf2 or not I uhh… had infodumped for 4 hours prior to watching the movie with my mom lmao

Key info that I think should be mentioned: that RED and BLU are acronyms and they will be mentioned in the movie as well (mainly Builders League) - Also that RED and BLU look identical and it’s on purpose, this might be confusing to a bystander - Also explain what the medigun is and the concept of rocket jumping since both are mentioned or at least implied and someone that doesn’t know might not understand shit (mainly the medigun, I feel most people can figure out the rocket jumping part from context alone but the medigun “looks like the ghostbusters thing” according to my 53 year old mother)

I advice mentioning beforehand that the movie is psychological horror and very violent just in case, if your dad is not one for confusing and time bending plots you might have a lot of explaining to do and it’s fine if you say you don’t get it bc truly it’s like that on purpose

This is just a general note that I think is immensely useful and everyone should know: Emesis Blue comes with subtitles in a lot of languages, I watched it with Spanish ones for my mom and they were very well made idk abt the others but I assume they are too. If you don’t need them in another language English is still there as well (and they are very helpful for parts where audio might be hard to understand such as the phone calls)

You might sound annoying but specifying that paying attention to the movie is important is a good thing bc truly I had to go back a few seconds sometimes because my mom missed something and she immediately got confused because missing the plot is THAT easy with this movie

Cool pieces of trivia to mention during the movie or after:

(EMESIS BLUE SPOILERS AND “M” SPOILERS) The tapes Medic has are mostly old real German movies, the movie scout picks up titled “M” is a movie about a child serial killer and the symbolism of the “M” will be prevalent throughout the movie and parallel Medic’s journey as well in fact, the scene at scouts house when he’s watching said move he receives the phone call right when the murderer finds his fist victim and if I remember correctly later on the tv shows the scene where the murderer has been caught and it also directly parallels the scene in emesis blue. ALSO the fact medic gets literally an “M” branded on his face at one point which happens in the German movie to the killer (he gets marked with an M on his back so that they could find him later). Btw the movie “M” is free on YouTube with English subtitles, all of it and contains no gore (it’s a good watch)

The movie is fan made with a free software released by Valve that’s now pretty fucken old, I think emphasizing this can bring into view how cool this is from both an artistic and technical view (while I think that the SFM models are different from the in game models they were still made years ago)

(SPOILER) The burned pyro face we see momentarily in the movie is an actual game asset from another one of valve’s games (I believe half life?) which depicts a burn victim except it’s an ACTUAL REAL burn victim and the texture used came from a real medical book (I loved telling this to my mom bc I saw the disgust in her face lmao)

You can for a fraction of a second see the 2fort cow when Medic is running away from the masked Heavy for the first time, I believe just saying that the cardboard cow is a running gag is enough explanation and it makes it funny (my mom thought it was a real cow and saw no issue with it being there bc it was a “slaughterhouse” after all)

You could mention that the Conagher Slaughterhouse is an actual in game map although edited

(SEMI SPOILER) The engineer(s) have no eyes because their models simply were not made with the idea to take off the goggles ever, this is being used for added horror factor

(SPOILERS) The movie has lots of references to other movies and pieces of media but I genuinely don’t remember the names right now, most specific thing I remember is soldier’s attempt to cross a broken bridge but falling being a possible parallel to a story of a man trying to escape hell and go to heaven but directly falling into the deepest layers of hell instead (I’d really appreciate if someone remembers the actual references and could list them, if not I might go look them up again and reblog again with the list) (EVEN BIGGER SPOILERS) also the fact we never truly find out the contents of the briefcase is a reference to another famous movie with almost the same plot line

That’s all for trivia I can remember rn, I asked my mom what she’d like to say/recommend about the movie for another parent to watch and here’s what she had to say:

Talk about it like you would any movie, explain the overall plot or a bit of it to catch attention and raise interest

It’s a really good movie that makes you think a lot and has an interesting plot that holds well even if you’re not into the source it comes from

Do not mention the fact that it’s gonna leave you with more questions than answers

Besides this she agreed with what I said before so 👍

That’s all from me hope it helps you or anyone else or just gives you some funny trivia idk also if anyone knows more or better or saw that I got smth wrong feel free to let me know, I watched the movie again last night but a lot of the trivia I knew from months ago so I might be remembering it wrong (I tend to do that)

Have fun 👍

Okay y'all, tomorrow I'm going to be forcing my dad to watch Emesis Blue. Any advice you have for him that you want me to tell him? Or context or anything like that because I suck at giving advise and context

[cutepilled]

walten files semi-possible-spoilerz if you mind that sort of thing... + general chatter abt it ^_^

My current impression is that mr kranken is definitely in bon i dont have the exact logistics of it all down yet but bunnyfarms really heavily implied that....... i saw someone else suggest that kranken & walten have basically switched places & are hiding as each other (with of course a lot of viewers assuming bon is jack) and i think thats really really smart AND it fits so well with the whole face horror motif yknow? Can’t remember your own face! Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!  

also i love banny banny is so cute and i love little bon that ones my new #Mascot. but last night i was afraid bon the animatronic might be in my house and facking get me LOL. 

theres a post going around by some guy abt how you shouldnt binge it all in one sitting because it’s scary and the imagery gets in your head & their friends had trouble sleeping.. and i didnt take that seriously but they were right it just wasnt informative enough so it came off as like a silly youth getting scared by normal horror... but there’s a lot of spooky images & such thrown at you and i had to make a lot of jokes out loud & internally to myself while watching . 

i’d note that there’s a lot of uncanny face imagery that’s a huuge important motif. a lot of it is actual edited pictures, so it really is unsettling on even just a basic primal psychological level! it’s not easy to steel yourself and override that 

[ohsweetflips]

I think Undyne's determination has less to do with like something that happened in the past and more like the overlap between determination as an actual physical thing VS a spiritual thing. Whereas the amalgamates were injected with determination by Alphys, Undyne makes her OWN. You've killed her best friend. You're going to kill the love of her life. You're going to kill her mentor. You're going to kill everyone. You've killed HER. But she still has to stop you. Everyone is counting on her 1/2

Undyne's whole motif is letting the monsters of the Underground achieve their hopes and dreams. Theres a reason she is the boss fight in Waterfall, the most backstory rich area in the game. Hope and dreams have just as much weight as determination does, its what helps you defeat Asriel. And Undyne the Undying's design mimics Asriel's because in Genocide SHE is the heroine, SHE is the determined hero that defies death in order to save everyone she loves via the hopes and dreams of everyone (2/2)

Sorry I just really fucking love Undyne Undertale fhfhfndkdk she willingly letting herself be used in an experiment to help her people is Very Good tho too hmmmm

!!!!

sorry ur abt to get a whole essay i love undertale so much.........

(also i use a lot of !!! for emphasis, not bc i’m yelling omg)

(also i’m letting you know this is an incoherent mess, it is 2am here akjsdkjsdjk)

but you can definitely be right!!!! tbh your idea seems much more par for the course than the spaghetti im throwing at the wall

even then, though, it’s stll so interesting bc like!!!! undyne’s courage is undeniable, and her fight to protect the underground plays Such a huge role in her whole waterfall arc. and, in the spiritual sense, she is absolutely determined!! that just makes me WONDER though bc, like, canonically, monsters Are Not determined! they don’t have that threshold!

and then, in looking at determination in the spiritual sense, what exactly makes undyne different? is it that her desire to live and protect the underground unlocks that threshold needed for determination? at one point, could monsters be determined, but then their millennia trapped underground biologically/psychologically stripped them of that? so then could any monster in the underground, when facing high enough stakes, have that determination? or is it just undyne?

bc then i think about the other bosses in either route, like papyrus, mettaton, asgore, sans. where undyne is the monster/boss capable of possessing determination, sans is probably the one least likely to have any threshold for determination (this is bc his entire boss fight is him realizing he can no longer be an observer, he is literally the last line of defense between chara and the annihilation of all monsters). mettaton is complicated bc as a napstablook turned corporeal, i dont even know where to BEGIN with him. but then there’s papyrus and!! it feels like he should be capable of feeling determined. in both the pacifist and genocide route, he is so assured that the human has some internal goodness. while, in the genocide route, that hope could be translated to fear, that still makes me wonder: under what circumstances could a monster’s determination be unlocked? is it not solely life or death? does it require some ulterior motives (aka undyne’s whole character being protecting the underground)? and like!!! it’s just so fun to think about bc, say it is undyne’s spiritual determination being unlocked, it’s so interesting that she’s the one differentiated!! that even papyrus, a character brimming with good and happiness and love, doesn’t have that determination, but undyne, who has a similar type of passion and goodness within her, does!!!

with experiment undyne, i will admit my theory is very much uhh wild! and unhinged! and, while my theory is much more playing in the “what if’s” of the science of artificial determination, it still makes me wonder! especially in the boss fight herself. ever since i first saw her genocide boss fight, i’ve always been a bit fixated on her eye, specifically the one w/ the eye-patch that eventually seems to have Some type of arrow power. while this definitely could have just been A Design Choice (and one i stand by!!), undertale is a game that reveals its complete lore when the pacifist and genocide route are put together. thus, in a hypothetical situation, i don’t think it would be out of the question that undyne’s eye could still Do that even in a pacifist route.

but even then, there are holes to poke! such as why doesn’t she use it? if undyne has been injected with artificial determination, why is she, frankly, normal until it’s a matter of life and death?

(to cut to the punchline before i get into my bullshit: i think it’s bc, at first, it seemed as if the artificial determination just Didn’t Work and had no affect, when in reality it needed to be met with spiritual determination as well)

and, again, i know i’m playing with a lot of hypotheticals right now, and mostly this is me just kinda fun bullshit theorizing, but i think it could have something to do with the fact that she has the threshold for spiritual determination! the reason i even think that she would offer herself up to determination experimentation is bc of the loyalty and love she has for asgore and the underground. i would argue that she is just as invested in asgore’s plan as asgore himself is, and she obviously sees him as some type of father-figure. so that alone gives her this Drive to do whatever it takes for the underground to survive.

so, therefore, i think in regards to this hypothetical experiment undyne, i think it quite literally is that spiritual determination threshold combined with artificial determination

and for that, i quickly want to talk abt the amalgamates and why they tie into this:

the timeline: corpses/souls injected with determination --> no reaction --> corpses wake up and act normal --> ??? happens  --> (quickly leads to) amalgamates

and so then that once again raises the question: what differentiates undyne? 

i think, for that, we then have to consider another question: if most monsters do not have the physical determination to continue living after death, can that determination be given when they’re already dead? monsters in general already have no threshold for determination, so can that be artificially made if it never existed in the first place? 

bc while alphys’s experiment, iirc, was to see what happened when a soul was injected with determination, i think the other much needed question is if monster souls could even Handle determination

and, while we do not know specifically what went wrong with the amalgamates (aka like How did they melt together), we do know that their physical forms really were not able to handle the artificial determination, imo most likely bc they do not even have a threshold for spiritual determination

but undyne is, as you have noted, different!

so, frankly, i think you’re right! i think undyne does have an inherent spiritual determination. it’s uncommon in monsters, but her want to save the world is enough to leave her determined

however, i think That would have just been enough to keep her alive

i think it’s artificial determination that gave her that final form! to reference  back to the amalgamates, they were all creatures whose powers we had seen before, but different now and, specifically, more powerful. that very same thing could be said for undyne! her powers are, essentially, things we have seen before, but fucking to Max Intensity 

AND THEN!! AND THEN!!!!!

when you do kill heroine undyne, she doesn’t turn to dust first

she melts first, and then turns to dust!!!!!

and, honestly, it’s that small detail that sent me down this rabbit hole, bc the only ever time we’ve seen monsters melted together are the amalgamates!

i think the main difference between heroine undyne and the amalgamates is the fact that undyne, at first, had No Reaction to the determination at first bc, since she most likely already had this secret threshold for spiritual determination, it wasn’t the Biggest of changes. it wouldn’t have had such a drastic reaction on her physical form bc, even if she didn’t know it yet, it wasn’t an entirely foreign substance

the amalgamates, however, aka monsters who had no spiritual determination, could only handle the artificial determination for an unknown amount of time before their bodies began rejecting the chemicals and becoming..... that

of course, then, this leaves me with even more questions, such as could undyne sustain this final form? would her body eventually give out, overcome by determination? was this form only meant for life or death situations?

and uhhh i think this is the end!! if you made it this far and are thinking to urself “damn you’re really an english major when you write like this?? this isn’t even comprehensible” do not fret!! i know this theory is kinda a shitshow, and it’s one of those things where i can keep myself up all night thinking abt this and talking myself in circles bc there are some points that i think have strengths and other points that are probably pretty weak

basically though!! i see the connection between artificial determination and undyne through the fact that her form actually changes, the reveal of her legit power eye, the way her attacks have been altered, and the fact that she melts at the end (akin to the amalgamates’ appearances) before poofing into dust

this has been,,,, a shitshow i am so sorry i hope this was at least somewhat understandable ajkdsjkdsjk

[luvdsc]

Hey Cat!! I hope you're doing well as always ! 💖 AHHHH huhu I closed the form last Sunday since I've collected enough responses dy! (NOOOOOOOO ToT) I got a total of 221 responses at the end of the week, which is 3x the amount I initially needed! :o I'm beyond grateful and appreciative ToT I've cleaned the data and have proceeded to run some data analysis, but I ran into an issue whereby the scores on the subscales are equal (it has never been reported in past studies! :O) so I'm waiting for my supervisor's feedback on how to proceed. Hopefully it's nothing too serious ToT

Hehe finance is interesting indeed! I just started reading a book on finance for young adults (Rich Dad Poor Dad) and I look forward to learning more from the author's tips! The Coursera introductory course has also made financial terms a lil more familiar, even though it's just the basics and it's really helped w my financial literacy 🥺 I can push myself to study but it's also the numbers and calculations I'm worried of cuz I am rly a nong (idiot) when it comes to numbers * - * it runs in the genes I guess AHAHAHAHA my mom and sister aren't good at numbers either keke

Aww I'm glad yr professor made financial accounting enjoyable and a fruitful experience for you! Some lecturers / professors rly just have that spark in them to inspire ppl and I'm blessed to be surrounded by a bunch of em in the psych department!🥺😭 it truly makes a difference and I'm sure we both are living proofs of that!

After debating for a while, I've decided not to take a minor mainly because I'm so tired HAHAHAHAHAHA and I'll just do my own self-studying and exploration whilst working! Go out and explore the world, live life! Whilst ironically still staying in my room because of the COVID-19 situation in our country (cases are abt 20+k every day :') ) My proposal has been finalized and it's been accepted! It's just that some elements of my proposal is also part of my actual report, so I have some guidance to refer to in terms of structure! :3 and yes don't worry! I got plenty (sometimes a lil too much) rest during the sem break whilst remaining productive! Plus, I got to catch up w some friends and had game nights (maybe too much of game nights hehe) and movie nights w my friends which was truly refreshing! Also cuz I might not see a lot of them again after we graduate so we gotta cherish every moment 🥺😭

I'm a freelance graphic designer for my uni's newsletter! Occasionally, they'd ask us to create both the content and design! I'll place the link to my recent work below if you wanna check it out! UwU I'm trying to incorporate the same practices during sem break in my last sem (current sem) too! cuz yes mental health is so so important and I'm just tired of being academically tired you get me? :(

What makes me most trilled abt learning abt psychology is how to apply it in daily life too! I find it so fascinating and awestruck at how relatable and within reach these things are like wow we can be influenced in such ways?? :o can be both good and bad but imma stick w seeing it as the development and evolution of us humans UwU

Also, the vaccine has fixed my sleep schedule HEHE (another perk of getting vaccination :3) I got some rly good rest and managed to reset my usual sleeping time, thank you science ToT oooo I see I see, we've had cases of nurses injecting empty syringes hence the recording :( but GHIOGHWEOGIOHW I could never do that, I can feel the liquid entering me as it is so that's good enough ToT (* plays Love Talk * I can feel it coming)

OMG YOUR ART PIECES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, ADORABLE AND ELEGANT! 💖🥺🥰 it must've required a lot of hard-work and effort AHHH thankiew for showing me yr work!! it's truly unique in its own manner despite it's simplicity UwU is there a reason or backstory to yr chosen theme and objects? :3

I just Googled Somi Somi and omg that's such an UwU ice cream AHHHH 💖🥺😭 ice cream is my fav food of all time and it looks like an ice cream haven omg imagine eating it after a loooong hard day's of work ToT and OMG THE SATISFACTION OF EATING THAI MILK TEA ICE CREAM ON A HOT DAY YASSS 😋🤤 hehe if you get the chance to try milk & biscoff, do try it! It's amazing !😍 and ooo i haven't tried alcoholic ice cream before but I will one day!! :3 my alcohol tolerance is rly low though, will I get tipsy over alcoholic ice cream? We shall see UwU (i can only drink half a bottle of apple cider before my face gets red and I start getting a lil tipsy + headache)

and lovie....knowing yr school schedule now...OURS IS DEFINTELY BRUTAL OMG a 3 month long sem break huhu that's only the total amount of sem breaks we get in a year ToT i thought uni was hard but not that hard ToT

Always glad and honored to have you onboard! and AHAHAHAH the contractions about to start soon 👀 I enjoy talking to you huhu you're such a sweet and supportive person 💖🥺🥰😙 huhu for my period cramps, I've been having them since I was 12 ToT my doctor prescribed me some panadols but sometimes I can't even swallow them cuz I'd puke them out ToT I've settled w heatpacks to reduce my reliance on medicine, but I finally got some upgraded and safe to eat medicine from my gynae! She said it's fine to take it every month to keep my womb healthy and apparently my ms. lil uterus is suffering from inflammation, hence the super crazy bedridden cramps :( the upgraded medicine worked for a while, but after time it kinda didn't help either :/ but I realised that exercise rly does wonders to reduce the cramp too (gynae also recommended exercising) so i take walks and do my back stretches more frequently now! my period in the previous months (2 months ago) have been almost painless and bearable, it's so weird not seeing my bedridden ._. when I was in high school, there would always be a day in every month in which I don't attend classes, and that's solely because of my cramps. It just isn't worth suffering in school, plus we don't have a sick room :/ I hope the pain continues to subside! ToT

And ayy internship is also working experience, yr advice would be of great help to me regardless! 🥺 oh yes, I always remind myself that interviews are similar to the speaking test I took for my Cambridge English exams! That kinda help calm my nerves down a lil, but w nerves comes bigger smiles, so I guess it takes on a rather practical form of coping mechanism (sublimation) AHAHAHAHA

WAAAA WHAT A QUEEN you got an offer from every interview?? I aspire to be like you! 💖🥺🥰 huhu skill wise I believe I have lots to prepare esp in terms of case studies, and I perform rly poorly on certain assessments (*ehem * esp those concerning numbers) so I took the chance to study a lil during sem break too ToT but noted on that! I will work on that too and try to maintain that me element in interviews and overall just be myself keke

That's all from me for now! Imma wait for my supervisor's feedback and journey on w my last semester. Bon voyage! Link to my recent work: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTBqGzjr6sN/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Other works: https://www.instagram.com/p/CPpv-IyM7Gi/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link https://www.instagram.com/p/CL55EG-MbL2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

hi hello honey bee !!! 💓 omg i'm so sorry for the belated response, i finally got on my laptop 😭 i'm gonna put my response under the cut since it got a little long 🤧

omg 221 responses !!!!! that's so many 🙀 congratulations aaaaa it's amazing that you were able to get 3x the data you needed !!! was it difficult to run data analysis? were you able to solve the issue with the equal scores on the subscales? i hope it didn't create too much additional work for you ):

omg yes finance is really interesting! i enjoyed the classes i took for it :') how is rich dad poor dad? did you learn a lot from it? i know it was a book my prof recommended, but i never got around to reading it 😶 did you learn any helpful tips? and ooo i'll have to look into coursera! yeah, there's quite a lot of terms for finance, and it can be a little intimidating paired with all the math formulas and such, but it's pretty useful imo! how are your financial studies going so far? 💕 omg nong is such a cute word?? i would never think it meant idiot asdkfhlkajsdf omg my whole family is good at numbers and really like math, but i didn't like it 😭 my mom made me study it a lot everyday though rip are the financial calculations getting easier for you as you practice more hopefully?

yessss omg i absolutely agree with this!!!! like you can just feel when a professor loves to teach and is genuinely so excited to talk about their subject, and it just makes the most boring horrible subject into something you learn to enjoy and hate less :') and i'm really happy to hear you have tons of professors like that in the psych department 🥺💗

that's great to hear!!!! 🌷🌷 i'm glad that you're prioritizing yourself and your health, which is so much more important than taking on a minor. what fun subjects have you decided to explore and self study so far? 💞 oh my gosh, the rising cases are so high?? i hope it's gotten better there for you ): are you able to go outside yet?

big congratulations on your proposal being finalized and accepted, lovebug !!!! 🥳🥳 i'm very proud of you and hoping one day i can read your published studies in a scientific journal :') aaaa i'm so glad to hear that you got to rest and enjoy your time with your friends!! i definitely feel that omg i regret all the times i skipped out on movie nights or game nights with my friends because now we're all scattered across the country and the only way we can have them again is over zoom calls 🤧

I SAW YOUR DESIGNS AND THEY'RE GORGEOUS OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH !!!! 💖 I'M IN AWE AAAA IF PSYCH DOESN'T WORK OUT, I HOPE YOU BECOME A GRAPHIC DESIGNER 🤩🤩💖 and yes i totally get it ): i really felt the academic burn out when i was in college and it was really difficult at times 🤧 but i hope it's going better for you nowadays, sweetpea 💝💝

omg yeah i absolutely agree !!!! whenever i read about psychology, i keep it in the back of my mind and then when i see something irl that relates to it, i'm like :O amazing. it's so cool to learn about different psych tricks too and see how it works when you test them out yourself and whatnot. and it's really crazy to see how the human brain is so easily influenced at times ??? it truly is an amazing subject !!!

ah what a great side benefit of the vaccine - a better sleep schedule 🤩 i'm happy to hear that your schedule has been fixed 💘 and omg what ??? they're injecting empty syringes wth ????? 😭 that's absolutely horrible, are they getting sued?? lmaooooo that love talk reference askdfhlaksjd

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR KIND COMPLIMENTS 😭😭💗💗 there were many late hours spent in the art studio to finish them, but i'm really happy with the end products :') i thought light bulbs are an interesting subject to do, and my prof said that cutting out circular objects or sculpting them is the most difficult since they're made up curves and not straight lines and i was like ok bet i'm gonna do it aND I'M SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE THEM 🥺 and i love honey bees !!! that's why i decided to paint them and we were supposed to paint them in a combined style of two artists so i tried monet's impressionist style with the short brush strokes and pop art triptych style like marjorie strider 💕

somi somi is sooo good and i just had it again a couple weeks ago :') omg ice cream is your favorite food? :o and YES ice cream is so satisfying after a long day of hard work, like it's such a nice reward to look forward to at the end of day ✨ aaaaa i have to try thai milk tea ice cream one day now !!!!! it sounds amazing 🤩 and YES i must look for places that sell milk & biscoff ice cream !! i have milk ice cream from somi somi, but i need to try to combined flavors 💘 i don't think you'll get tipsy over it !!! it's a really faint taste of alcohol, like i didn't even notice it at first, and i don't think they put very much of it in there! aksljdfhals omg you're a lightweight :o at least that means you save money on alcohol LOL i need like nine shots to get drunk 🤧

your school is too hard 😭 you need more than just 3 months of break !!! 😡 we get a week off for thanksgiving in fall semester and a week off for spring break in spring semester too and then the month long winter break and three month summer break. and we have the one day holidays off too like labor day, memorial day, etc. i can't believe they give you so little time off after working so hard???

asdfhlkajshdlksja loool are the contractions over yet? has it been born? what's the current status, doctor? 👀 i really enjoy talking to you too !!! i'm very sorry for the late responses, work is really taking over all of my time, and i never have enough time to get on my laptop to reply to my asks 😭 and thank you for saying such kind things about me 🥺🥺💝 oh my gosh, i'm so sorry to hear that you have such terrible cramps 😭 i can't even imagine going through that - mine are nowhere near as horrible 😖 do the heatpads help a lot? i'm relieved to hear that you were prescribed better medication though! but yeah, your body does eventually get used to the medication and you have to continue taking stronger meds for it to work, but that's not a very healthy solution /: but i'm really glad to hear that exercise has been helping out a lot!! 💖 hurray for almost painless and bearable periods 🥳 i'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that in high school ): that sounds absolutely horrible 😭 periods are just awful, but it's like i'm grateful that i have my period because that means i'm not pregnant, but also please go away aslkhdfaklsj

omg what was the speaking test for the cambridge english exams like? :o it sounds so formal and a lil intimidating askdjfhalsd do you know of any psych tricks that can possibly help calm your nerves? :')

aaaa yes i did !! i was really surprised that i got an offer from them all because at the time, i was not in the right major and i think i was one of the most underqualified applicants 🤧 one person who interviewed me asked why i withdrew from my engr physics class and i explained it in a kinda funny way but in my head, i was like "oof i'm not gonna get this offer anymore" but then he laughed at my response and told me about how his prof told him he should drop a guitar class he was taking because he was doing very poorly and we bonded over that aklsjdhfkals omg how do interviews for psych jobs go? do you have to discuss a lot of case studies? do they give you a list of possible case studies they'll ask about? :o what sort of assessments do you have to do? good luck on all of your interviews, honey bee 💛 i'm rooting for you, you're gonna do amazing !!!! 💘

omg what did your supervisor say about your case study? and how is your last semester going? are you almost done now? 🌸 (also how have you been? what have you been up to? thank you for taking the time to leave such detailed messages for me, i'm really excited to see all the fun updates in your life, lovebug 🌷🌷)

[andifthestarsweretodie]

lol i’m currently watching bones and i just saw your tags abt bones thoughts!! brennan is my favourite character too - which is cool since she’s also the main character. usually my favourite person is a side character who might get killed off, or who doesn’t have much screen time. i really really love that they don’t make her change herself entirely, she gets to be very logical and blunt and she doesn’t really read body language and her friends just. don’t want her to change either. which is really cool. and she gets character development but that development isn’t "she conforms more to society now" which tends to happen in many tv shows. i have a document with a bunch of quotes and sections about her character. and yeah i realise that’s probably weird but damn i love this show. i have like a page of dot points with references about how brennan is coded as autistic and then another one of my sections is just titled "major abandonment issues TM" (ironically she’d hate that bc it involves psychology). unfortunately bones isn’t super popular, not for ppl around my age i mean, there’s not exactly a fandom on tumblr afaik, but i really enjoyed this show and i wish more people knew it! i’m glad you like it too. sorry for rambling about it in your inbox, i’m just excited that other people like bones (as in the tv show) and especially brennan!!

You're very welcome in my inbox! I'd love to read all of that because I also Know These Things. You're not weird at all, I just don't have the brain capacity to make notes about my favourite things because I will not remember anything afterwards. I've always admired fans who can write things about their analyses. As far as I can tell, we're the same age and I love it when you spam like or reblog from me. Feel free to send me the documents you mentioned in dms or to just say hi any time. I'd love to be your bones friend :)

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep7 (part 2)

Toxic kindness (Kureno):

I’ve touched upon this in se02 finale, but kureno’s toxic kindness mirrors the foolish traveler story. The foolish traveler says “ thank you” as he dies. Kureno ignores the knife in the hands of a person whom he saw with his own eyes abuse a number of children repeatedly. Kisa, Isuzu, hatori & yuki bodies testify of being beaten, cut, & bruised. Kyo’s psychological abuse was announced in front of kureno himself before akito summoned him in the beach arc. Akito has strangled her mom & screamed, cried & went manic in front of him. Yet, kureno walks toward her ignoring the knife, hugs her & tells her to press the button of change. Easy, right?

I highly respect the author that Akito didn’t respond positively. I don’t want kureno to be stabbed or want akito to run away & hurt the others.  Also, I hate cheap drama. So, I’ll never support dramatic confrontations just for the sake of it. I want a realistic depiction of trauma & mental illness. The person who lived her entire life entitled to be obeyed, feared & having extreme authority, won’t just change cuz a foolish guy told her to.

-The responsibility of Nurturing children:

Akito’s outburst represent the author’s view on the role of nurturing children properly to teach them to be decent human beings. Akito was raised with extreme views neglect & narcissism. You’re special & must be loved (said her dad), Others MUST obey you (said the old maid), No one truly loves you (said her mom). So, her entire life she craved showcasing her power over these unfortunate zodiacs as it stems from the notion that they live for her sake.

Tohru on the other hand was raised with compassion, love & appreciation of other ppl. Tohru being timid, shy or unable to stand for her self are personal struggles that tohru deals with & not related to nurturing , While her trauma might be caused by a parent, it didn’t prevent tohru from being a kind & compassionate person because she was raised & taught abt these things.

The faults of abusing a child might lead to create faulty mentality & social issues. these kids might even grow to implement similar abuse onto others, while all that is understandable, it will never excuse their behavior. A lot cases of real life abusers were once kids who were abused. It is tragic. It explains why they become the horrible person they are today, but it never excuses the harm of others. The victim is not responsible of your screwed upbringing. Kisa, kyo, yuki, & Isuzu have nothing to do with Akira, Ren or akito’s troubles. They are victims themselves but they didn’t go & inflect harm upon others. Yes, they each developed a faulty coping mechanism &  showed tendencies of rage, withdrawal, misplaced pain, but they were never a harm towards the society, & their peers.

Akito’s outburst paves the path for her redemption. How it will happen? I duno. Will someone once again holds her cheeks, talks her into bettering herself? I duno. She will atone. I can guess that based on the ED. but Will she be rightfully punished for her crimes? I duno. I hope so. Forgiveness is different from punishment. Thus, a type of punishment should be implemented. Abusers, whether victims or not, or atoned or not, must receive it. It is only fair.

- What will happen with tohru/ kyo’s confession/ confrontation? What is the exit from kyoko’s harsh last words! How can Furuba’s best mom hates kyo! My mind goes crazy!

Perhaps the following will happen:

(a) Kyo will confess the past, tohru forgive, kyo relieved, they kiss or whatever (happy ending). This could happen but while I would be happy for them, I’d hate that kyo’s entire trauma goes away with a simple “ I forgive you/ I love you”. Trauma doesn’t have a button you magically shut down. Kyo must unload his burden first! open his lid, then deal with it. Also, How will kyoko’s last words fit here? Are they just kyo’s imagination? really? it seems so anti-climatic. Imagine living with kyoko’s words for two seasons only for it to be in kyo’s mind! I really need kyoko to have bigger role than simple imagination. She’s either a haunting ghost or a holy perfect mother, rarely a real human character. Also, I need to include Akito. In this happy version, Akito gets stopped by shigure or even yuki! .. possible but too light for all the buildup drama & endless cliffhangers! lol

(b) Kyo will confess the past, tohru won’t forgive, kyo hurts himself as he sees her pain (dark ending). This ending is too dark for both. kyo hearing tohru’s words of un-forgivness will echo what he himself believe in he should be. Then where is hope for him? T_T Tohru not being able to forgive is logical since her mom is her world, but it also further ties tohru to her mom. She’ll be stuck again remembering her mom’s tragic words & last moment. Also, tohru will loose another person she loves even more than her mom. Here Akito will interfere somehow. Perhaps tries to kill tohru, then kyo sacrifices himself saving her. I duno.. too dark for furuba! lol

Ok. I give up. Anything I think gets stopped by kyoko’s words. I need kyo to push tohru away cuz this is the only logical progression for his trauma! I refuse to believe that kyo’s trauma was pushed into the climax & was written to embody furuba’s most mature themes of guilt, self-forgiveness, repeated mistakes, depression & others only to be quickly solved. But, tohru’s own issues were quickly presented & addressed in one short ep so..... augh! I want to hope for more from tohru, but I duno.. her growth has been so inconsistent, & I’m tired of being disappointed.

Next ep could either become furuba’s best ep or the worst ever!!! & this scares me so much. 

Side Notes:

Kyo was repeatedly punished for his mistakes & faulty coping mechanism throughout the series, He is yet to be forgiven by someone or forgive himself. But he has been living the punishment of his own trauma.

Why is momiji still speaking German in the dub? I know his curse break is a secret, but He’s still holding on the facade of identifying with a rabbit in his burger, imitating his mom’s accent as he’s still so attached to her. I thought he let go of the past while bravery acknowledging it & moved on. Starting brighter, happier & with more hope. He isn’t still holding on to pain. He is looking forward now. =/

At first, i didnt recognize the room tohru & kyo are eating in! XD. It’s their living room, right? first time seeing it with all doors closed. weird.XD

Seeing Hiro’s curse break further reinforces that there is no logic on its breaking order. It just breaks. that’s all. If there is any reason behind it, then, momoji should be the first. He had always developed outside relationships with others way before tohru & not exclusive to her. Seeing as he has lots of friends playing with him. Also, he has always dealt with his own issues with level headed perspective, never too absorbed in sadness, never too self-focused, he never withdrew or lashed out. He never looked down on kyo, heck! I’ll argue that he even looked up to him!. hiro could've happened earlier too, as he was always protected from trauma & in a loving home, then yuki as he not only opened his lid but told akito in her face that he will forgive her & decided to never be by her side. His curse should have broken right on se02, ep25. You can place anyone afterwards. So, yeah, the curse just breaks, perhaps akito herself has a role as her insecurities increases. duno.

I dont care for the curse itself at all. As far as I’m concerned it is (a) fun gimmick, (b) analogy for abuse & trauma. The later is the core of furuba.

plz let next ep be well-done, well-written & well-direct. plz! T_T