#also a week ago or so i managed to make my first ever fallout 3 mod

[thedawner]

"I'm using a tutorial that's 'Idiot proof'. All Blender tutorials should be like that."

"My first rig was a disaster."

[yuluvyulia]

sisters, i need help! so this is not quite a tc related situation but it's a lot of school drama so i figured you'd be invested. unfortunately i got caught right at the centre so i wanted some expert opinions :3

characters -

me - yulia

my ex bsf - peach

my friend no. 1 - milk

my friend no. 2 - bread

the guy - berry (its all around us but idk how to define our relationship)

background -

this whole thing started two years back. first thing you need to know about me- i am well liked (not about my tc lol). but also people are jealous. speaking without biasness, some may have this image of me being a mean/narcissist/heartbreaker but i'm really not and you'll get that by the end of this.

so last to last summer, i.e, 2022, we started offline school after covid for the first time. i was kinda nervous but managed to make a lot of friends easily (picked blair waldorf's persona and gobbled it up). there was this guy- berry. he was popular and kind of cold? but every girl absolutely loved him. still don't know why. i was never ever interested in him but i mentally felt like 'bro ik u want me'?? i had a very good reason to not though. two of my friends - milk and bread had a crush on him.

bread was his childhood friend apparently and milk was just infatuated. however they both worked it out because why'd they fight over a man right? and me and my then bsf peach were all good

Fallout -

the problem started when peach turned into a gigantic pick me in a span of a few weeks. she never gave up a chance to try to humiliate her friends, whom i introduced to her in front of guys which was pathetic. she was completely two faced. and honestly my whole brand is being a girly girl so i cannot tolerate that behaviour. also during this time, my friend group basically ditched her for everything and then she went running to berry. long story short she basically begged berry to just acknowledge her existence because she had no one else to talk to. ig he just pitied her and i can tell because I've been send some screenshots of their chats 💀. this is how she became a desparate one of the guys girl. and she kept trying to sabotage me which obvi didn't work.

plot twist -

that year a lot of things happened. i got confessions from like half the guys in our class and that's how our friend group fell apart. i still hate the fact that teenage guys only see women as potential gfs or nothing at all. anyway so this was 2021 and throughout 2022 we (berry and i) barely talked. however, bread confessed to him and he publicly rejected her. you'd say that's his choice but he literally couldn't look at her. i was in disbelief so i sort of whispered 'say something' to him. and he literally looked at me and said 'i don't want her'. obviously after this i don't talk to him. we haven't texted in like eight months, yeah i counted.

until... a few months ago (2024) when he sent me a follow on ig (i deleted my whole acc bc Tumblr + Pinterest>>). this was a shock as we went completely no contact. so apparently this guy has the audacity to post about me in his stories 😭 (not being sexist but what a girl lol). and how much he misses me and loves me and regrets everything blah blah blah.

plus all this while he's been so mean and distant. he rejected two of my closest friends. he strings along my ex bsf though she said she likes him. and suddenly he says wants me? i mean i knew. but boy have some dignity and don't announce it.

HELP how do i deal with this mess

[lubdubsworld]

Change of Heart ( Taehyungx OC)

Chapter 1   Chapter 2    Chapter 3     Chapter 4     Chapter 5   Chapter 6  Chapter 7   Chapter 8

Summary : Times are changing. After years of being oppressed, werewolves are taking a stand against humans , demanding equal rights and fair treatment. Heading the movement is Kim Taehyung, the breathtaking heir to the Kim fortune and one of the few remaining Alpha werewolves in the country. His disdain for the human race is well known and well warranted. They killed his family after all….. He wants to change the world , to put humans in their place but when his five year old daughter takes a shine to their very human neighbor , maybe he has to start with a change of heart , first.

: Pairing : Taehyung x OC / Werewolf AU!!

Genre : Romance, Explicit Content

Chapter 9

“I believe you owe me an explanation....” My father’s voice was soft and steady, his gaze piercing as he stared at me. I could feel my skin thrum with distaste and the urge to take a shower was strong. I wanted to scrub my skin off, Eun Woo’s touch somehow lingering and heavy on me.

“Give me my phone back.” I said instead and my father shook his head.

“No can do. Those men you met? Paranoid bunch. They thought you and Eun Woo might have been recording something and they wanted me to check your phone. i had to reassure them and so, just for good measure, I destroyed it.” 

I glared at him.

“I’m still waiting for an explanation. Two weeks ago you couldn’t stand the sight of Eun Woo.... And now here you are, at my Yacht club , claiming you’re dating the man. What are you trying to pull?” My father prompted. 

“There’s nothing to say. I just... I lost my job at the preserve and I can’t really look for anything else right now Eun Woo is just helping me out.” I whispered.

My father looked surprised. 

“That’s interesting, I see your pride isn’t as strong as it was when I introduced him to you at the preserve.”

I kept quiet. 

"Good. I’m not surprised that you’ve come around to be honest. You are your mother’s daughter after all. Gold digger that she was, at least she left you some of her good looks for you to cash in one, yeah? ‘.

My breath caught in my throat, lips wobbling as tears sprung .

“But still.....the fact that you would whore yourself out to a bunch of animals, to keep him? It makes me wonder. What exactly is going on here, that I’m missing” ”

Taehyung , I thought miserably. I wanted him so badly right now that I felt like I would shatter if I didn’t get away from here. 

I glared at my father, feeling disgust well up at the mere sight of him. 

“I’m not going to do any such thing.... I’m just helping you . Eun Woo told me you’ve been looking to finish the deal and those men wanted to see me at the resort on the seventeenth. You should be thanking me right now.  . ” I said defiantly and my father’s eyebrows rose. 

And then he chuckled. 

 “I feel like you’ve bitten off way more than you can chew. But just remember, this is your doing and if things go south, i am not risking my entire reputation to rescue you. ” He said firmly. 

“I can take care of myself.” I said shortly. I clenched and unclenched my fingers , trying to ground myself. 

It was so amazing, how blind my father could be. He hadn’t suspected Eun Woo at all. Merely chalking him off as a perverted wolf who wanted to make a bit off money at his resort. Eun Woo was smart as well, being obtuse and sounding foolish on purpose, playing into my father’s belief that wolves weren’t intelligent. 

. And this would be his downfall, I thought vindictively. The way he continually thought that wolves were foolish. That he was somehow smarter than them....

“I am not sure if I trust you entirely so I’ve asked Eun Woo to keep an eye on you, till the seventeenth. You can stay with him at his apartment.  ” My father said thoughtfully

I kept my gaze down. 

“At first i considered calling the whole thing off but apparently , Eun Woo’s onto something with the whole beta wolves being into voyeurism. Perhaps that’s a whole new avenue I could look into.... Those men out there....I’ve been showering them with gifts and women for months and this deal wouldn’t come through. But Eun Woo sweeps in, dangles you in front of them and suddenly they want to finish this deal in five days? Apparently,  you’re  the secret weapon I should have been using all along?”

I glared at him.

He looked thoughtful as he stared at me. And then he nodded, features hardening. 

“So be it... You can go fuck that wolf in front of those men and I’ll get my work done. Always knew you weren’t unlike that mother of yours....” He smirked.

I felt my heart clench at that. My mother had been nothing but innocent. I recoiled when he made to stroke my cheek and he laughed again. 

“He’ll come pick you up in a couple of hours . Take a shower and fix yourself. ” He gave me one last look before leaving. 

The door slammed shut behind him and I sank to the floor. I stared around the room... groaning. 

And then my eyes fell on the small pink phone, sticking out of my bag. My dad had taken my phone but not this . It was the pair to the toddler phone that I’d bought Luna so many moons ago. After my fallout with Taehyung I hadn’t used it at all but it had remained at the bottom of my bag. It would only connect to its pair, but no matter. 

Grinning, I pulled it out, dialing quickly. If nothing else, at least dear , sweet Luna’s voice would cheer me up. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, you’ll make all the arrangements?” Eun Woo watched Taehyung carefully, the Alpha wolf sat behind his desk flanked by two of his closest men, Kim Namjoon and Kim Seokjin. The betas were built like fucking walls , both of them narcs in the force. They stared at him, eyes narrowed in distrust and for the first time Eun Woo felt the first inklings of regret.

Taehyung for his part looked like he believed him.  A laptop stood open in front of him, and the wolf had a Bluetooth device in his ear, obviously watching something on the screen. Eun Woo wondered if he had even listened to anything he had said. 

“So that’s it? You offered them the resort and they said the deal’s going down.” He asked casually and Eun Woo nodded , realizing that Taehyung had been listening to him after all. . 

“On the seventeenth. Yoon Jae hyun’s going to be there.”

“And Mirae...?”

“Well, just as a guest...I did imply we were seeing each other so it would be less suspicious if she were also around.” Eun Woo willed himself to sound normal. 

Taehyung didn’t look suspicious but there was no telling with the beautiful alpha, who had mastered the art of keeping a straight face while destroying his enemies. And Eun Woo was well aware that if the alpha found out how he had used the girl, he would definitely be topping that list. 

“Very well. I’ll make the necessary arrangements. You can go now. I’ll contact you soon.” Taehyung said shortly , his gaze flitting back to the screen infront of him. 

Eun Woo nodded, before standing up on shaky legs, his heart pounding, instincts telling him he was in danger. But he pushed away the thought, grabbing his bag and leaving the office quickly. 

Taehyung watched him leave, claws out and digging straight through his desk to stop himself from launching across the room and tearing the wolf’s throat out. He could smell her on him. And his wolf wasn’t happy about it. 

“Fucker’s got balls, lying to your face like that.” Namjoon commented mildly, staring at the laptop, where for the past hour or so, Taehyung kept replaying the CCTV footage from the poolside camera on the yacht club. 

Taehyung stared at the screen, watching the sheer discomfort and disgust on Mi Rae’s face and he’d never been filled with so much bloodlust in his life. The urged to rip the wolves to shreds, to tear them limb from limb, it simmered in his blood. 

The potent rage in his veins stunned him because he’d never felt anything like it before. If he’d had any doubts about whether his wolf had made the right choice, choosing Yoon Mi Rae,  it was gone. The sight of those men, ogling what was  his  and his alone, it made him want to kill. 

They had to die. And he had to do it.  

Simple as that.

And he would. 

He would run them through with his claws and watch the life blood drain out of their frail, fragile bodies. 

it took him some effort to compose himself. 

“How long has he been running this little racket in his resort?” Taehyung asked casually, feeling inordinately foolish. It was unlike him to be so neglectful over something so incredibly important. How on earth had Cha Eun Woo managed to run something so illicit and horrendous right under his nose? 

He blamed himself.

 He’d trusted Cha Eun Woo, for one hot minute. Forgotten that the wolf's loyalty lay solely with himself.

Namjoon sighed, placing a file in front of Taehyung. Taehyung flipped through the pictures , stomach turning. Eun Woo had huge sprawling rooms , with beds in the center  fitted with restraints and handcuffs. Comfortable arm chairs and couches dotted the rest of the room, men lounging about as they watched the action unfold.  Women,  drugged and barely conscious,  lay on most of them and apparently, alpha wolves indulged themselves with the women.

It was the most disgusting thing he had ever encountered in his life. 

And the bastard had actually dared, actually had the fucking thought of dragging his  mate  into it. 

The mere thought of it made Taehyung laugh out loud. 

Cha Eun Woo was out of his damn mind. 

 There really was no other explanation for it. Or maybe he’d been so blinded by his own wealth and power that he’d forgotten that Taehyung was ten times as powerful as him. 

Well, whatever the reason, he clearly had a death wish. 

And Kim Taehyung was going to grant it to him. With Pleasure. 

“It’s new. or we would have caught wind of it before.” Seokjin said apologetically, “ Probably a few months at the most. He mostly uses the men to get tax exemptions or do get ordinances cleared for his resorts or you know, get out of adhering to construction regulation and stuff like that. In return for letting them watch alphas knot human women. ” Seokjin’s face was scrunched in disgust. 

“And when I let him meet Yoon Jae hyun and his cronies, he saw an opportunity to expand his clientele and he took it. “ Taehyung hummed thoughtfully. 

“Mi Rae’s with her father....” Namjoon said thoughtfully.

“Knowing that son of a bitch, he’ll probably force her to go through with it.” Seokjin shuddered.

“Well, let him bring her there. We’ll get her out. And arrest the whole lot of them.” Namjoon said with a shrug. 

Taehyung stared at them for a second. 

He had been determined to do this by the book, at first. But watching Cha Eun Woo molest his girl, while a bunch of impotent , old bastards ogled her....well, that really changed his mind about how he wanted to deal with these motherfucking idiots. 

“No.” Taehyung said casually.

Namjoon and Seokjin stilled.

“Tae?”

“We’re not arresting any of them.” He said casually. And then he gave Seokjin a slow, calculated smile. 

Namjoon’s eyes widened as realization set in. 

“Tae-” He began , looking worried but the Alpha merely stared at him.

“I’m going to trust that my two best men are going to make that happen for me?” he drawled, eyes flashing red in a way that said it wasn’t really a request.  

Seokjin groaned.

“Fine. But we’ll still have to get an arrest warrant and all that. Don’t want the guy to be hailed as a victim or a martyr after I kill him. that always pisses me off.” He said distastefully and Taehyung hummed.

“I’m going to leave that to your capable hands, gentlemen. “ 

“We’ll get things ready then. “ Namjoon said casually making to move away and Taehyung nodded, watching the two betas move to the door. 

“Good., oh and one more thing....” he called out , making them both turn. 

“What’s wrong?” Seokjin asked , confused.

“Cha Eun Woo... he’s mine. Bring him to me when you’re done with the others.” Taehyung whispered. 

Namjoon grimaced but Seokjin merely grinned. Ironically, although he looked soft and almost feminine in his beauty, Seokjin was the meaner one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taehyung came home to see his daughter giggling uncontrollably on the couch, her phone pressed to her ear and he was confused.

The only one who could call her on that phone was him and-

His eyes widened, realization hitting him hard as he all but pounced on the couch, wrestling the phone out of Luna’s hands before he could think his actions through.

“Rae...” He breathed in disbelief.

“Taehyung?” Her voice came out surprised and relieved and he felt like he was flying. It felt like liquid honey in his ears, the sweet cadence of her tone filling him with sweet blessed relief. He hadn’t even realized how badly he had wanted to hear her voice, to get some confirmation that she was alright. 

“Dada dada dada...gimme gimme ...I wanna talk to Rae Rae...!!!” Luna bounced next to him, tugging on his arm and he struggled to keep his balance. 

“ How did you call? I’ve been trying to reach you and-”

“Dada!!! Please...i haven’t spoken to her in ages...lemme talk to Rae Rae...!!” Luna’s voice was shrill and unrelenting. 

“My dad got my phone.... I’m supposed to be with Eun Woo” He could almost see her rolling her eyes as she said that and he felt fondness bloom inside him at the though.

“Dada!! Lemme talk!” Luna was beginning to climb him now and he flinched when her tiny little claws came out, easily piercing the silk of his shirt and digging into his arms. 

“Damn it! Luna will you let me talk to your mother for one damn second?!!!!!” Taehyung shouted, frustration spilling out of him before he could tamp it down.

Luna froze on his arm. 

It took him another ten seconds to realize what he just said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My heart thudded straight up to my throat, my lungs constricting so hard that I almost choked. 

I gripped the phone hard, fingers shaking as i tried to process what I’d just heard. 

“Shit... Oh shit..” Taehyung swore and I startled. 

“Don’t swear in front of her...” I hissed automatically . “ Taehyung what the fuck-”

“You’re swearing now!!” He shouted.

“Can you blame me?” I shouted back, my heart pounding. “ I’m not...what the hell do you mean mother?!!”

“I’m sorry... I don’t know why I said that.. It just slipped out.. i... you’re my mate and ... I know you told me not to call you that but I’m sorry , that’s what you are and she’s my daughter so I guess I just.. “

“We’ll talk about this later. “ I snapped, too tired to deal with his twisted feelings. “You have to get me out of here! The last thing I want to do is spend another minute with Cha Eun Woo. ” 

“God, Rae... are you alright? ..”

“I’m fine but can you get me out of here? I wanna get out of here!” I whispered. 

“Are you in your dad’s apartment? Is he hurting you?”

I sighed in defeat, knowing exactly what was going to happen.

“Let me guess....you want me to stay with the pervert till you finish saving the world.” I groaned.

“We need him at that resort on seventeenth. This whole thing is beginning to infuriate me and I’m going to end it. For good.” Taehyung’s voice carried a hard edge to it that made me wince.

“Are you gonna be there?” I asked, worried. 

“I am.”

I bit my lips.

“Did Eun Woo tell you how he got those men to agree to come there?” I asked hesitantly. 

“He didn’t but I know. Don’t worry about, I’ll deal with that....”

“If he didn’t tell you how did you know?” I asked, confused. 

Silence.

“ i planted a bug on him. And I had spycams set up around the pool.” 

“I didn’t like what he did.” I whispered. “ I don’t... I know its for a reason but the way he touched me I... I didn’t like it...” 

Taehyung didn’t respond for a few seconds.

“ Mi Rae , what he did was so far out of line that I can’t even begin to tell you how angry it makes me. But, don’t worry, sweetheart. I’m going to take care of him too. ” He said finally.

I felt myself itch with the need to get away. To reach Taehyung. And Luna..God, listening to her voice after so long....listening to her happy , joyful delight.,..

“I want to see you.” I begged, dignity forgotten. “ I want to see you and Luna.. Taehyung get me out of here!! Please.!!!” 

Taehyung groaned. 

“Baby, listen to me... just leave with Eun Woo for now , he won’t touch you, I’ll make sure of that.....”

“No you can’t make sure of that!!” i snapped. “ You don’t know how it felt to have his hands on me.... I.... I can’t bear the thought of him near me... Please, please, get me out of here.” 

A steady beeping made me jump and I stared at the phone in my hand. A red light blinked steadily on the upper edge made my heart drop. The battery was running out. Of course it was . I hadn’t used this in days. 

Tears sprung before I could tamp down on my own misery,

"Tae...Can you hear me?” I choked out. “ Tae... I can’t explain it. I feel weird.... I feel miserable and scared and to be honest, I hate my own skin right now.... Ever since he touched me... I feel like ....”

Another series of beeps and the call ended. My fingers were shaking as i stared at the phone in misery. 

This whole thing was spiraling into something scary and unpredictable and for once, the fear refused to ebb. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Taehyung...we can’t...”

“Call him.... We’re moving this thing up to tonight. I’m not waiting a whole four days to rip these bastards to shreds.  ” Taehyung roared, clenched fist coming down on the mahogany surface of his table with enough force that Namjoon heard the tell tale sound of wood splintering.

He flinched. 

Taehyung was enraged and the beta wolves felt like they were walking on literal eggshells. 

Seokjin held a hand up, trying to calm the infuriated wolf. 

“Okay... Okay...listen , we can’t just go in guns blazing and just kill some of the most  prominent men in the country, Taehyung. That’s not how it works.  ” 

Taehyung tried to keep his temper in check but it was impossible. God, the way she had sounded on the phone. Cha Eun Woo was lucky he wasn’t in front of him right now... Taehyung was going to tear him limb from limb for this. 

“So what, I just hand her over to him for the next five days?” He snarled. That wasn’t going to happen. it would be one thing if she was comfortable with it, but there was no way he was letting Eun Woo within fifty feet of her, not when she sounded so upset. 

“This is what happens when you ignore your fucking biology and act like a whole entire idiot. “ Seokjin snaps. “ There’s a reason people spend days locked in after mating!! Your bond is fragile and sensitive. Just because you don’t want to fuck her into the wall anymore , it doesn’t mean your bond is settled. She’s probably feeling just as worse....and she likely has no clue why ...” 

Taehyung felt his head throb.

“She’s human...she won’t feel the bond...” He muttered.

Seokjin scoffed.

“Are you serious, Tae? The mating bite connects you to her. You know that right? Yes, its not going to be as potent as it is for us , but human mates can sense the bond. The reason she’s so desperate to see you right now is because you carted her off with another wolf, before the bond could even settle. A wolf who for all intents and purposes sexually assaulted her.” 

Taehyung’s breath caught in his throat.

He’d been avoiding that thought , tried to downplay what Eun Woo had done, just for the sake of his own sanity. But Seokjin was right. What Eun Woo had done was just that and Taehyung had literally given him the license to do it. 

“I need to see her .” He whispered softly. 

“I’ll go get her.” Namjoon replied gently.. Taehyung stared at him, frowning.

“How?” he asked, shortly. His mind felt so foggy, so unlike himself. He was usually the sharpest man in any room, solving problems before they even cropped up, ever missing anything. But right now, he couldn’t think beyond getting her back in his arms.

“With them... I’ll go with them and tell Eun Woo I’m going to bring Mirae here..... Will that be enough? We’re this close to ending this for good, Tae. Don’t ..let your instincts mess this for you...”

Seokjin scoffed.

“Shut the fuck up, the pair of you. Taehyung stop thinking with your dick for a second and consider what we’ve been doing..... This raid has been in the works for three whole years. We’re not going to do something stupid now. Namjoon and i will go see Eun Woo....Give him a taste of what will happen if he touches Rae.... and then we’ll be back here.” 

He smiled then, wide and beautiful and even Taehyung felt a cold shiver run up his spine.

Seokjin continued, 

“ Five days from now, we’re going in, collecting enough evidence to bring the bastards down and then, to satisfy Taehyung’s bloodthirsty soul, we’ll rip a few throats out too. How’s that sound?  ”

it sounded fucking fantastic especially the last bit. 

“What if you piss Eun Woo off and he calls off the whole thing...?” Namjoon protested and Seokjin rolled his eyes.

“The mutt’s playing in the big league now. He was the one who offered them the whole show, think they’ll take too kindly to him backing out all of a sudden? Probably won’t..... He’s gonna have to stick with it. If for no other reason than to cover his own ass. ” 

“You’re not leaving Rae with him. I want to come with you guys....” Taehyung said firmly. 

“Oh, God. No. Absolutely not. I’m not burying Cha Eun Woo’s decapitated body tonight. That’s just not going to happen.” Namjoon held his hands up.

Seokjin grinned.

“As loathe as I am to admit it, Namjoon is right. You don’t have to be there. Don’t worry, we’ll be thorough. Make sure he understands we aren’t playing around. And we’ll think of something with your girlfriend. We can’t bring her to you.... Jae hyung has eyes on you , you know that. We’ll make sure she’s somewhere safe.  ” 

“You know you can trust us , Tae. We’re going to make sure this fool gets what he deserves.”

Taehyung nodded, skin still thrumming with discomfort. He wasn’t going to feel better until he saw her, but it looked like he had to wait for a while. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stared at the two wolves flanking Eun Woo, each one holding him up by one arm, his knees bent at an odd angle. He looked unconscious . 

“Sorry. He wasn’t supposed to pass out but the fucker’s just a huge ass coward. Didn’t even last five minutes.” 

“Five minutes of what?” I whispered, staring in mild horror at the blood dripping steadily from the man’s temple. 

“Five minutes of us demonstrating what happens to people who covet things that don’t belong to them.” Seokjin smiled brightly. 

“Jungkook’s on the way here.... You know him right? Taehyung told me he’s a friend of yours.  He’s going to let you crash with him for a couple of days  That okay? “ 

I stared between the two of them.

“Are you sure? My father....” 

“Oh your father won’t know, sweetheart, don’t worry about that.  You know the original plan was for us to just warn this fool and he would come to his senses . But he chose to be an idiot and mouthed off about fucking anyone he wants to fuck.... So, Joon and I are going to keep him away from you. We owe Taehyung that much.” The wolf had a breathtaking face, impossible to look away from. 

“Can’t I go to Taehyung?” I said stupidly and they exchanged looks.

“No wonder he’s whipped. She’s gorgeous.” Namjoon muttered under his breath. 

Seokjin elbowed him sharply.

“Uh.. no. That’s going to be difficult because ....well, for starters its going to be pretty suspicious if you randomly show up at the Official residence of a Minister.”

 I flushed.

“He’s not staying at his condo?” I asked hesitant.

Seokjin shook his head. 

“He’s taking office in a few days, Yoon Mi Rae, ssi. He’s under the limelight right now. Which is why we think it would be safer for you to stay elsewhere. Your father is probably watching him closely.” 

I closed my eyes, feeling jittery. I startled when arms wrapped around me, warm and firm. 

“hey..... you alright?” The taller, dimpled wolf gave me a concerned glance and i realized I’d swayed a little. 

“I’m sorry... I’m fine.. I’m just...”

“It’s the bond.” Seokjin said gently and I stared at him.

“Bond?” I muttered, confused. 

“He claimed you. It sounds archaic but you do belong to him. Your body recognizes that even if your heart or mind doesn’t. “ He sounded almost apologetic.

I groaned.

“So I’m going to feel this way...”

“Anytime someone else gets close to you, yes.” 

I remembered how averse I had been to Jungkook touching me in the tub, that morning after. 

“So this isn’t real? I want to be with him but it isn’t real...and I can’t be with anyone else either -”

“Hey...Hey...listen. That’s not what I’m saying. Just the fact that the bond formed is proof that you guys have something special. If you weren’t into each other his wolf would have rejected the bond at once. But I’m just saying, for a few days, maybe indulge your baser instincts and stick to him, yeah? Once the bond settles , you can make better decisions without being physically affected by them.” Seokjin said gently. 

I sighed peering over at Eun Woo.

“What are you going to do with him?”

Seokjin hesitated.

“Take him to our place probably. Can’t risk him running around wrecking havoc. Don’t worry about it. Five days max. This whole thing will blow over and you won’t have to see him again.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You okay?” Jungkook placed a pair of towels at the foot of the bed, looking concerned as he stared at me. I sat on the bed, knees drawn up and arms folded over them staring at him. 

“I’m so screwed.” I whispered. 

Jungkook smiled.

“It always feels that way.... at first. Don’t worry, you guys will work this out.” 

“I’m scared. My father ...he... he’s always been a bastard but... I never saw him as someone dangerous. But I think he is. I’m scared he’s going to hurt Taehyung.” I said softly, finally voicing what I’d been worried about all along.

Jungkook gave me a sharp look.

“That’s not going to be easy. Hyung can take care of himself. I’m an alpha myself and you won’t see me going against him. Everyone knows he’s not someone you should underestimate. “

“But I’m still worried..... I... I don’t want him to get hurt.”

“I’m glad you don’t want me dead anymore.” 

Taehyung’s voice sent a jolt of electric current straight up my spine. I scrambled, turning around to the window in shock. 

The alpha sat perched on the window sill, looking entirely unbothered for someone dangling a good fifty feet off the ground. 

“Hyung , what? Get in here!!!” Jungkook hissed, reaching for him, but he was already throwing his legs over and dropping to the carpeted floor with ease. 

“Don’t trust you enough to leave her with you for the night, Jungkook-ah...” He said casually, but his eyes danced with mirth. 

Jungkook rolled his eyes.

“She smells like you now hyung.... I’m not going there ..”

Taehyung gave me a surprised look. 

“She does?” 

“The bond’s settling then.” Jungkook said. “ This is my cue to leave. Where’s your security detail hyung? Tell me I’m not going to get shot in my sleep for kidnapping the Minister for Supernatural affairs.” 

Taehyung chuckled.

“They know where I am... I’m only here for the night. I have stuff to do in the morning.” He turned to me holding his arms out, “ You okay?”

I threw myself at him without a second thought. 

It felt like gears slotting together perfectly, his arm around me calming the simmering discomfort under my skin so quickly that I went limp. 

I closed my eyes, gripping his tight, letting my eyes fall shut as I inhaled the musky , woody scent of him. I heard the door close softly behind Jungkook and Taehyung ran his palms up and down my back.

“I may possibly be the worst mate in history.” He commented mildly.

I snorted.

“There’s no competition there. You win, hands down.” I muttered. He pulled back to stare at me, hands coming up to gently cup my face.

“I’m going to kill him.” He said softly and I frowned.

“I thought he was only doing what you asked him to.” I said , frowning.

Taehyung gave me a sharp glance. His hands slipped to my wrists, tugging me to the bed. I settled on the mattress and he took his shoes off carefully. 

“God, no. Do you really think I’d do something like that?” He gave me a wounded look and i bit my lips.

“How would i know? All you told me was that you needed Cha Eun Woo to help you”

Taehyung hesitated.

“He’s been running a brothel in that resort. A brothel were old or impotent wolves can watch alphas knot human women..... Its been going on for a while. i never knew. He’s been hiding it really well.” 

I felt my jaw come unhinged. 

Suddenly, the way he had talked about how I would look, having sex with an alpha wolf, the way he had described it to those men, it made sense.

“He told them ... he made it seem like I was one of those women.” Bile rose up in my throat.

Taehyung reached out, fingers lightly gripping my waist and tugging me closer.

I hesitated, not sure what he wanted but he scooted back to lean on the headboard, long legs stretched out in front of him and he held his hand out again.

“Come here.” He whispered gently.  “ i can think better if you’re in front of me” 

Seokjin’s words echoed in my head ,   maybe indulge your baser instincts and stick to him, yeah? Once the bond settles , you can make better decisions. 

I crawled over on my knees. 

Taehyung reached out , gripped my waist with both hands and lifted me straight up into his lap like I weighed nothing. i yelped, knees hitting the mattress on either side of his waist as I tried to spread my thighs wide enough to accommodate him . 

He kept his hands on my waist, grabbing the hem of my blouse and tugging it out of my skirt. He slipped his fingers in till he grazed my bare skin, thumbs rubbing soothing circles against the heated flesh. 

“Feel good?” He whispered softly. 

I tilted my head, regarding him thoughtfully.

“When have you ever made me feel anything but good, Alpha Kim?” I smirked, my tone dripping with sarcasm. 

The fingers on my waist tightened, hard enough to bruise and I choked  , gripping his shoulders , feeling the hard jut of his shoulder blades beneath my fingers.

“Behave.” He warned softly, “ I’m trying to start this right.”

I sighed.

“Start what?”

“This.. You and I. Together. As more than just friends.” 

I straightened, surprised.

“Taehyung-”

“I came here tonight, not because I had to...not because I needed to... but because I  wanted to.  I want you to know that. I’m here not by obligation but because I wanted to see you. Because I care for you.” He stared right at me but i couldn’t help but be wary. 

I looked away. 

“That's not what you said the last time we met which was literally this morning...” i protested. 

“ Rae, I was so fucking scared. I’ve been living inside my own head for too damn long. I’ve always had these....fucking rules inside me. Rules that i couldn’t bring myself to break. I don’t break the law, I don’t get involved with humans, I don’t trust humans, I always do stuff by the book..... But today, just...seeing what happened at that pool...... I realized I’ve been so fucking blind. ”

I swallowed.

“That’s not your fault...”

“It is... “ He said shortly. “ I’ve been so caught up with keeping my own rules, with fighting humans that I forgot that not all wolves are saints either. I’ve been so focused on your father because he’s human that I didn’t even consider that the men actually funding and dueling this entire drug racket...they’re wolves like me. That it isn’t humans who exploit us but men in power. Men in power who twist the law and use it as leeway to do whatever shit they want. “

“You couldn’t have known.” I said weakly.

“I could have. If I’d wanted to.  Two months ago Cha Eun Woo built a beach side resort in Jeju Do, very close to some endangered coral reefs I remember reading about it and wondering how he could have possibly gotten a permit to do that shit. But then i never followed through with it. And I wonder if it was because I considered him a friend. A friend whose favor I would need in the future. And what does it say about me, if my moral values are so selective? I can’t act high and mighty about bringing your father down while I’ve been letting Cha Eun Woo run a fucking sex trade right under my nose.” 

I pressed a palm to his face, my heart breaking at the sheer exhaustion on his face. 

“You can’t fix the entire world, Taehyung. You’re not meant to single handedly solve every problem in the country...... “ I whispered.

He shuddered.

“But if i don’t , who will?” He stared at me. “ Someone has to make an effort right?” 

I nodded.

“Yes... You’re right. And you’ve done enough. You’ve done more than your fair share. And you can do so much more, if you let yourself relax. If you let yourself breathe when you’re drowning you can swim so much further.” 

He stared at me. 

“My daughter.” He choked out. “ She really thinks you’re her mother. “

I bit my lips in distress. 

“Tae, I’m so sorry-”

“ Her mother died when she was barely three....So she doesn’t remember her much. She only remembers her scent which was yours.... She... She really wants you with us, Rae.”

“You shouldn’t have said that on the phone. What were you thinking calling me her mother...” I whispered, shaking my head. 

“  I think I  saw you as Luna’s mother. the moment you held her that day, in the dock , in the rain. The way she relaxed in your arms...The way her face lights up at the thought of you... I... I want that for her. I want her to have that...forever.” 

I let myself look at him. 

“And what about you? What do you want? “ 

He held my gaze for a long time. I felt my heart begin to pound, anticipation clawing up my spine. 

“a bowl of patbingsu would feel great.” He said seriously. 

It took me a second to realize what he’d just said. I punched his shoulders, not in the mood for jokes at all.

“Sorry sorry...that was bad timing.” He grinned. 

“The worst. Are you asking me out or not?” I demanded.

"I am asking you to move in.” He said softly. “ As my mate.” 

I couldn’t bring myself to speak. 

“It may seems too much , especially for a human but I’m a were and I want you in my house. Want your scent there, mingling with mine and I want my daughter to see us together. I want you to be...the woman I love.” 

“Don’t throw the L word around like that . It scares me..” I muttered and he smiled.

“I’m not a teenager Rae. The L word as you call it, it doesn’t scare me. I have a daughter, I know love in its purest form. And I’m not afraid of saying it either.” 

“Well, I’m just not sure if you even mean it.” I said desperately. 

“I do mean it. I love you and I know that because I broke every rule I’ve been keeping for the past twenty years , just because of a five minute video clip of another guy touching you .” 

I shook my head.

I felt overwhelmed. 

Somewhere beneath that chaos, I was happy, of course I was. But for now, the exhaustion and weariness won out, and I edged closer, resting my head on his shoulders. 

He hugged me closer and i felt the gentle press of his lips against the top of my head. 

“Let’s sleep.” I whispered. “ I’m so tired.” 

He hummed.

“Would you like me to leave?”

I shook my head. 

“No. Stay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up sometime in the middle of the night, to find myself on my side his arms wrapped right around me, tight and firm. I wondered how numb his arm must be, and wriggled a bit, swallowing the dryness in my throat.

He grunted and gripped my waist, stopping me from moving.

“You need to stop grinding on my dick, darling.” He choked out. I froze, face flaming. 

“Sorry... I...”

“It’s alright. What’s wrong?” He whispered, fingers brushing my hair back. 

I stared at the wall in front of me, lightly stroking the arm wrapped around my waist. 

“I feel better when I’m with you.” I whispered. “ Even when i barely saw you, those months in your home in the preserve...I always felt better when you were around. It was irrational, how much I liked you and wanted to be with you, seeing as I didn’t know much about you at all... And It makes me wonder, if perhaps you and I, perhaps  we aren’t that different.” I said. 

He hummed.

“How so?”

“Maybe wolves aren’t the only ones who can sense their mates . Maybe humans can too....maybe we sense it but we’re just too scared to act on it.” 

“Why should you be scared...?”

“Because sometimes, even your mate rejects you and that stings.” I smiled. His grip tightened around me.

“I will spend the rest of my life atoning for what I put you through...” He kissed my neck and I trembled. 

“It wasn’t a sin.” I said laughing at how serious he sounded. “ It was you being true to yourself . i appreciate that.” 

“But I hurt you. I hurt my mate. As a wolf that is unforgivable.” 

“Well , then you’re lucky that I’m not a wolf, aren’t you? Because I’ve already forgiven you.”

He tugged me around gently till I was on my back, before climbing on top of me. 

“Can I kiss you?” He brushed the hair off my face.

“I don’t know. Can you?” I grinned at him. 

He growled. 

“brat.” 

He pressed his lips against mine, a soft and gentle touch that lasted for just a few seconds before he drew back. 

And then he leaned in again, this time , lips parting, soft and wet as it closed over mine, tongue sweeping across the seam of my lips, begging entrance. I relaxed into the pillows , letting him take the lead. 

Taehyung kissed like he did everything else, firm and hard but somehow careful and gentle.

 The soft press of his fingers on my chin as he tilted my face for better access, the way his tongue licked into my mouth in soft kittenish licks, the way his teeth nibbled on the plushness of my lip, only for his tongue to lick and sooth the sting right after....

His kisses tasted like scotch and honey, like spring water in the middle of summer , cool and refreshing nd reaching so far inside me that I ached for it. He was strong and warm against me, his hair felt like spun silk beneath my fingers . i traced the contours of his face , the sharp edge of his jawline, the softness of his perfect brows and the sharpness of his collarbones. 

My mind was reeling by the time he pulled away. 

“Can I fuck you ?” He asked softly and I jolted at the filthy words in that deep earnest tone.

“I don’t know Can yo-?”

He didn’t let me finish. Groaning as he sat up, gripping the hem of his t shirt and peeling it off. I watched as he shimmied out of jungkook’s sweatpants ,before straddling me again. 

“Take that t shirt off for me.” He smiled and I quickly shrugged it off. 

“Mmm.... beautiful. I love your breasts....such pretty pink nipples.” He said casually and i choked a bit when he reached down, thumbing at the hard nubs till they pebbled up under his touch. 

I threw my head back as he bent over, peppering kisses all over my jaw before moving down to lick my nipple, lips closing over the nub for one second before nipping at them with his teeth. I felt the hardness of his erection against the softness of my stomach as he grabbed my panties, tugging them off me.

“I like it rough.” I whispered into his ear and he growled, reaching forward and grabbed the hair at the back of my head, yanking me away from his face. 

“Then let me fuck your face.” He said casually, scooting forward and pressing his cock right up against my lips. I took the hard length of him into my mouth. He tasted tangy and familiar , from the texture of his skin like silk on steel , to the way slight saltiness of his precum on my tongue. I loved the way his fingers gripped my hair, just a little too tight for comfort and a little short of violent. 

I moaned in disappointment when he pulled out a little, but only to place himself properly , one hand gripping the head board for support. Bracing himself against the headboard, Taehyung threaded one hand through my hair, gripping carefully till heat seeped through my entire body at the sting of it, and then he began thrusting into my mouth gently, pushing past my teeth and deeper into my mouth. I inhaled each time he pulled out, trying to tamp down my gag reflex, as i took the entire hot, wet length of him inside my mouth. 

He picked up the pace, letting go of the head board in favor of gripping my hair in both hands, holding me in place as he fucked into my mouth till my eyes watered. 

I felt myself  dripping wet with arousal and I tapped his thighs. He pulled back to stare at me.

“You alright?” 

“Fuck me.” I choked out, throat fucked raw and voice breaking. “Need you inside me now-”

He didn’t wait for me to elaborate, grabbing my waist and turning me over at once.

“Hands and knees., grab the headboard.” He growled and I scampered to obey. 

“Good girl, Now just hold on let me make you feel good, yeah, baby?” 

I felt a soft, wet kiss right on my spine, before fingers gripped my hair again , tugging me back just as he slid right into me. 

The shock of it made me stop breathing, his cock so thick and hard it felt like I’d been split open. 

“How does that feel baby? ...” He whispered, bending over and kissing my neck. “ Am i making you feel good” I fought to get words out and then groaned when he slid back in , a little rougher and a little faster.

He stopped again, pulling out and hitting my thigh, the sharp sting making me yelp.

“Roll over, sweetheart.” He whispered and I blinked groggily, rolling over to stare at him. He grabbed a spare pillow, folding it in half before pushing it under my hips. 

i blinked in confusion as he loomed over me again, this time grabbing my leg and throwing it over his shoulder. before pushing back in. deeper this time, the tip of his cock hitting so deep that I felt a sting of pain that made me wince.

He caught the look on my face and smiled, apologetic.

“Sometimes, too big isn’t too good. You’re a little small for me, I’m hitting your cervix. Let me fix that.”  He fixed the pillow again and this time when he pushed in , it was pure pleasure, his cock brushing my g spot with ease and making me clench around him like a vice. He moved to his knees, still inside me and I groaned in protest when his weight lifted off me. 

“Wanna see you cum, angel..” He whispered, using his thumb to press and slide over my clit in smooth, little strokes . I could feel my wetness leaking all over the place and I felt my throat go dry when he scooped up the dampness, before tracing the slick wetness all over my nipples and bending low and licking it all off.

“Taste so sweet, my baby...” He whispered, “ Wanna try?”

I barely registered what he said, eyes fluttering shut and I yelped when he lightly flicked my lips.

“Open your mouth..you should taste how good you are...” He grinned wickedly. 

Before i could reply he was already slipping two fingers between my legs, collecting more of the heady slickness. I moaned as he slipped the fingers into my mouth, smearing it all over my tongue , the spicy sweetness foreign and yet arousing against my tongue.  I felt my eyes widen as the taste filled my tongue, making me clench harder around him. 

“Tell me you taste good...” He pulled back and rammed again inside me , is fingers moving back to my hair and gripping tight.

“I.. i taste good..” I stuttered.

He grinned in appreciation and held my hips, swiftly flipping us over till I was on top, his cock slipping out of me because of how wet and messy i was. I struggled to pace myself and yelped when he casually grabbed my hips, lifting me up and bringing me down till I took the entire hard length of him inside. 

“Wait...stop.” He said suddenly and I froze. And then he was sitting up and turning me around making me kneel, facing away from him and i finally noticed the large dresser mirror, right across from the bed. 

I met his gaze through the reflection, swallowing. 

“When I watched you put on make up today, the way you stared at me through the mirror and put me in my place.... I was thinking I should do this.... .stare at you through a mirror someday and put you in  your  place. Didn’t think it would be so soon, baby.” 

I panted as he moved behind me, using his hands to lightly part my thighs. And the he was pushing closer, sliding into me and I gasped, gripping him tighter as he used one hand to fondle my breast while the other wrapped tight around my hip, bracing me for his thrusts. 

It lasted less than two minutes. I came unraveled, my mind exploding in glorious white hot pleasure and his warmth washed inside me, filling me and dripping down my thighs till i fell back against him, boneless and spent .I fell forward on to mattress, my limb jelly and he groaned, draping himself over me. 

“Hope that was sufficiently rough and filthy for you, my dear.” He whispered. 

I could barely think, let alone string words together so i stayed quiet, letting him pull me closer and hold me tight. 

i shifted as he moved to settle his head on my breasts, his arms and legs draping over me while his breath fanned hot and cold against my sweat slicked skin. 

His phone buzzed right next my head and he frowned. 

And then he laughed, turning to show me the screen

 From Jeon Jungkook :

I’m in the next room hyung!! Fucking stop. !!!

 I grinned despite myself.

Good Lord. 

~~~~~~~~~

 Author’s note : 

Ummm...hi?

Guess this isn’t ending in ten chapters fml.

@veronawrites

@ladyartemesia

@bumb1e–bee

Some of you sent me an ask to be tagged but i couldn’t tag you guys...probably because you’ve made your profile private.... So I’m sorry about that.

[sol-tinyrayofsun]

Zutara Week Day 5 - Hesitancy: What Am I To Say?

Alright, this was actually the first thing I wrote for Zutara Week. It’s angsty as hell, but with a nice ending. I love fluff but angst just gets me every time. Hopefully, you’ll enjoy it as much as I do.  As ever, thank you for reading! Feedback is always appreciated! <3

Also on AO3!

Title: What Am I To Say?

Rating: G

Summary:  “Choices, Katara,” he continued to say, noticing her silence. “It’s all about choices.” Zuko was telling the truth. She had unfortunately made sure to push him away five years ago. One stupid decision that had shattered every last bit of her existence. Even worse, it had also damaged many others. On a split second, all those moons ago, Katara had managed to secure heartache for them both.

------

She wasn’t sure how long it had been since the last time she had properly faced him. Their last conversation dated from months ago. And what a dull chat had it been. The frigidity caused by a choice she had made five years ago had ultimately marked the fallout of their relationship. But everything was different now. She knew he was aware of it. Still, she felt hesitant. The idea of owning up her mistakes to him terrified her. Maybe focusing strictly on the reason why she had been summoned there would be her best bet. 

Katara descended from the carriage that had brought her all the way to the gates of the Fire Nation Royal Palace. The humid weather took her by surprise. She had gotten too used to the cold air of the South Pole. After all, the last few months had found her recluded to her duties within the Southern Water Tribe. Her family had unsuccessfully tried to get her to go out into the world on multiple occasions. Nothing had worked, she just wanted to figure out things by herself for a while. 

Still, there she was. Back to where their undoing had started. She shook her head as she tried to put on her brightest smile. Lifting up her sight from the concrete courtyard ground, his golden eyes met hers. This was it. The moment she had dreaded for more than a week. She felt her heart skipping a beat. It was him.

“Master Katara.” His voice was raspy, sharp. “A pleasure to see you again. May I ask how was your trip?” He extended his hand to her. 

There it was. That ice-cold attitude. It killed her, destroyed her to the very core. She wanted to scream, to make him drop his ridiculous act. Really, after all we have gone through? When are you going to stop shutting me down? she thought as she remembered an answer was expected from her. Right, diplomacy. What a tricky little thing. 

“Fire Lord Zuko,” she greeted him as she took his hand. That simple touch was enough to make her whole body flinch. “The trip was fine, thanks. I assume the rest of the delegates have arrived already.”

Both of them dropped their hands. She hated every second of that awkward and impersonal interaction. It seemed like things had only gotten worse with the passing of time. 

“Well, let me and my guards escort you to your room. The meeting is at five in the afternoon, sharp,” Zuko said as he gestured her to start walking. “Be sure to let me know if there’s anything else you might need.” 

Following his lead, she looked him in the eyes. His gaze was puzzling, apparently impossible to decipher. Still, she could’ve sworn she perceived a strain of warmth somewhere behind the nervous batting of his eyelashes. 

“Thank you, Zuko. I’ll make sure to be there on time.”

Katara felt as if her words had no real meaning. There was simply so much more to be said. She wanted to tell him to stop the nonsense, to ask how he was feeling, to question him about how he found out about what had happened in her life three months ago. But it wasn’t the time or place. It never seemed to be for the two of them. Her mind kept vacillating, completely disoriented, and as clouded as a stormy sky. It wouldn’t be the first time he messed with her judgment. 

Repressing a frustrated sigh, she hurried into the Palace. The sooner she could be done with her visit, the better. That way she could go back to her quiet routine at the South Pole without any delays. Every single moment she spent there felt like a dagger sinking down on her chest. There were just too many memories, too many shadows of what it could have been. She wasn’t in the mood for an annoying “What if…?” to come waltzing into her life. Real life wasn’t as easy as a fairytale. She had made her choice years ago. Now, she was trying to live with its consequences. And to get through her visit to the Fire Nation without breaking down. 

The council room was packed with delegates. Katara couldn’t help but curse the timing of the meeting. Just when she was starting to get back some sense of normalcy into her life, business had dragged her there once again. 

The international collaboration between the Fire Nation and the Water Tribes had run smoothly for years. What a brilliant moment for Blaze Industries to start questioning the price of the oil the Southern Water Tribe provided them with. Of course, once one company inquired, the rest of them followed. In no time, a council was needed to discuss whether the terms of the economic alliance should be reviewed or left alone. 

She had enough on her plate already. Being the first functional year of the Southern Water Tribe Waterbending Academy, work was as hefty as ever. Not to mention the most recent occurrence within her personal life. It had left her in a muddle, questioning her judgment. She had even isolated from all her friends. All because of her unwillingness to be honest with herself, or with anyone for that matter, until it was too late. Way too late to avoid any harm to be made. 

Katara shook her head, making sure to be grounded enough before the meeting began. She wasn’t about to let her private dilemmas interfere with her work. 

Everyone stood still as the doors opened one last time before starting. Fire Lord Zuko made its way to his usual seat. All that time and she still remembered to perfection where he used to seat at every meeting. With a polite nod, he saluted the attendees as he prepared to speak. 

“Good afternoon, everyone. Thank you for being here today,” he greeted them. “I understand that Blaze Industries wanted to be the first one to present a statement. So without further ado let’s allow them to start. Chief Executive Kian?”

The chairwoman didn’t take long to comply. The assembly had officially started. If it went well she could be on her way home by the next day. She prompted herself to drop her concerns about her relationship with Zuko. The economic future of her Tribe could be jeopardized in the case the oil issue wasn’t handled properly. She could get sentimental some other time. 

The nocturnal breeze caused her hair to sweep across her cheeks. Stars lit up the sky like snowflakes dancing around the darkness of the night. The light wind made the water ripple softly across the turtleduck pond. Silence hung in the air that surrounded the courtyard of the Royal Palace. As she strolled around the gardens, Katara wondered what on earth was she doing there. 

Maybe she had just gotten tired of the solitude of her room, a place so impersonal that it felt almost insulting. The walls of this palace had once been like a home to her. Now the place was suffocating her, reminding her of why she was in that position in the first place. Or perhaps she had been drawn there by all those memories. Ghosts from brighter times. 

It wasn’t like the outcome of the assembly had provided her with a reason for feeling so uneasy. She had managed to keep Blaze Industries and the rest of the companies at bay without harming their economic alliance. All that fuss for nothing. It only took for her to remind them of all the benefits of having her tribe as the primary oil supplier alongside a slight warning that a price increase might be necessary if they didn’t hold their end of the bargain to get them to stand down. 

Of course, Zuko had backed her up. Despite everything that had happened between them, one thing had always been clear: they would do their best to support each other no matter what. Anyways, aside from that detail, she was sure Zuko knew how outrageous Blaze Industries’ claim was. He would never allow anyone of his Nation to take advantage of outsiders, not under his watch. After all, it was that attitude that made him such a good leader for his people. Peace had remained intact around the world thanks to leaders like them.

Seems like some things just don’t change, Katara thought as she sat by the turtleduck pond.  Nothing was the same anymore, but there she was, back where it had all started to fall apart. That place brought back too many memories, good memories. She couldn’t help but smile, staring at the clear night sky, thinking about the time the entire gang had hosted a theater evening right in that same courtyard. Her heart felt bittersweetly warm from the vivid evocation of happier and easier days. 

“What are you smiling about?” a familiar voice asked her. 

A flinch. A heartbeat. A realization. He was right there, wasn’t he? Katara lowered down her sight, tilting her head to be able to look at him. 

“I’m not smiling, Zuko.” Her words came out a little harsher than expected. “I just needed some fresh air.” 

Well, that’s a great way to greet someone you care about, isn’t it? 

They stared into each other’s eyes, paralyzed. He was still meters away from her, analyzing her from a cautious distance. Katara wasn’t sure if he would come any closer. His cold facade probably included ignoring her to death. 

Still, Zuko took a step forward. And another. All the way up to where she was sitting. 

“Has the outcome of the assembly brought you any relief?” He was standing right before her, with a puzzling expression on his face. 

Of course, he would only come near to torture her with even more politics. She brought her knees closer to her chest, in an unconscious attempt to shield herself from the torment she was feeling. She couldn’t take it any longer. 

“The outcome of the assembly was expected. What a shame I had to come all the way here to calm down some dull businessmen.”

“I’m sorry, aren’t you the primary Ambassador of the Southern Water Tribe?”

Shocker. As if he didn’t know what she did for a living. Though, she hadn’t been acting like a proper ambassador for the last three months. At least regarding the traveling.

“Yes, Zuko, I am! Spirits, know you’re going to pretend we don’t know each other?” She hadn’t expected to be on the verge of screaming. Still, she didn’t care anymore. Things couldn’t get any worse, could they?

His eyes widened. Guess he wasn’t expecting her to get so loud either. 

“Katara, you’ve been a complete ghost for three months. None of our friends were able to reach you,” he said as he let out a sigh. “We might as well be strangers at this point.”

“But we are not!” That’s it, her tone couldn’t possibly get any louder. “You didn’t even try to look for me! And don’t even pretend you didn’t know. Everyone knew. Everyone knew what a fool of myself I had made.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware of the fact that I was the one who had to come running up to you after what you decided!”

She abruptly dragged herself to her feet. “But you knew! You knew what it meant for me to decline Aang’s proposal! Spirits, Zuko, you probably saw that one coming!” Her voice trailed off in an exasperated scream. 

“Of course I saw it coming, but it wasn’t my place to interfere anymore, was it?” His voice started to shake.

Katara stayed quiet, unable to react to his statement. Looking at him now, at the way his eyes reflected a great deal of resentment, she felt more regret than ever before. 

“Choices, Katara,” he continued to say, noticing her silence. “It’s all about choices.”

Zuko was telling the truth. She had unfortunately made sure to push him away five years ago. One stupid decision that had shattered every last bit of her existence. Even worse, it had also damaged many others. On a split second, all those moons ago, Katara had managed to secure heartache for them both. 

“What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you how sorry I am for tearing us apart? Do you want me to break into tears and confess how ridiculous I feel?” She felt a lump on her throat. “What do you want from me, Zuko?! Please, drop your act. I know in some corner of your heart you still care about me.”

“I’m not performing any kind of act!” He looked exhausted, worn out, defeated. “You were the one who told me we shouldn’t be together, or have you forgotten about that? You said I should go with Mai and you had to accept to be with Aang. A whole year, Katara, a whole year we sneaked around in the shadows, all because you were afraid of admitting the truth to yourself!”

He was right. Spirits, every word that came out of his mouth broke her walls down a little more. 

Five years. Five miserable years since she had broken them up to be with someone else. To be with Aang, and for Zuko to be with Mai. All for what? Right there, standing in the courtyard, screaming at the person she had managed to push too far away, she had no clue.

“Zuko… I - It was all - I know, alright?” she mumbled, a treacherous tear streaming down her cheek. “It was the stupidest decision I’ve ever made.”

“Then, please, don’t look at me like I was the one who broke your heart. Because all I wanted to do was to be with you.” He sat down, staring at the ground. “That’s why I ended things with Mai so soon, unlike you, I wasn’t ready to wake up every day knowing I was lying to myself.”

He must’ve known his words were utterly harsh. But they uncovered an awful truth. She had been lying to herself for years. And the result had been more than clear. Three months ago she had rejected Aang’s marriage proposition, to everyone’s surprise. Except for a certain firebender that was familiar with every single one of her rough edges. As Aang pleaded for her to spend the rest of her life by his side, she had realized that was not what she wanted. Not who she wanted. Too late. Repeatedly too late. What a mess she had made. 

Katara plummeted to the floor, sitting next to him. The nocturnal breeze caused her to shudder. No one else was there. It was only them, finally saying what they had wanted to confess for years. 

“You know why I rejected Aang, right?” She finally asked, hoping her question would get him to look at her. 

“Because you were never in love with him? Katara, why are you doing this? Your failed relationship is none of my business anymore. Plus, Aang told me all about it. I would prefer not to have to endure that torture once again.”

Wait.

“Aang talked with you about our breakup?”

“Don’t you realize that while you were hiding from reality the world kept turning? We’re friends, of course, he told me all about how you broke his heart.” He chuckled, bitterly smiling. “Little did he know, you broke mine first.”

“No, you don’t get to do this,” she blurted out, feeling her voice getting louder once again. “You don’t get to pin this all on me. You should’ve stopped me! If you were so certain we had to be together why on earth didn’t you do something about it?”

He finally lifted his sight, his eyes were puffy. “What did you want me to say? I practically begged you, Spirits, I told you I loved you. And you said you loved me too, but that you had to go. You left. I didn’t. I’m sorry for thinking that was what you wanted.”

“Zuko, I’m sorry too, alright? What am I to say now? I can’t turn back time.”

“You’re right, you can’t. Guess we’ll both have to live with it.” He started to get up from the ground. “Goodnight. I´m sorry, I can´t bear this any longer”

“Wait!” She grasped his arm with such intensity she thought she might’ve hurt him. “Please, don’t leave. I….”

“Katara, you asked me if I knew why you rejected Aang.” His voice was shaking. “Anything you want me to know?”

“It’s true, I rejected Aang because I didn’t love him,” she started to say, feeling her heart pounding on her chest. “Because I still love you, Zuko. I never stopped loving you.”

There. The secret was about. Five years of burying the truth deep inside her, endless days and nights of finding herself crying for no apparent reason. But the reason was there, it had always been there. It was him. She cried because of him. She cried for the love she had lost. For the person she had pushed away in an attempt of selling a lie to herself. She loved Zuko with every fiber of her being. It had always been there, burning in the back of her mind. And now he knew it too. 

Silence. That was all the response she got from him. Silence and a pair of golden eyes looking thoroughly at her. 

“Say something,” she pleaded, tears streaming down her face. “At least have the guts to say you don’t love me anymore. Because I’ve just told you something that’s been killing me for years. I love you, and I’m sorry.”

Nothing. For a moment, there was nothing. Not even a blink.

Then Zuko grasped her shoulders and kissed her. It took her by surprise, almost making her question if perhaps their entire interaction was just a dream. But it wasn’t. It was real, crazy, unexpected. He was kissing her like they were running out of time; like somebody might pull them apart at any second. 

Needless to say, she was kissing him back. She was kissing him like she had never kissed anyone before. Desperately, emotionally, and with a newfound intensity. This was the most alive she had felt in months. Right there, glued to the person she had once let go of. 

Almost out of breath, Zuko pulled apart first. His eyes were glistening in the moonlight. A mysterious grin had taken over his face.

“I love you too,” he whispered. “Katara, I’ve always loved you.”

Spirits, she couldn’t believe her luck. 

“Then why did you shut me down like that?”

“Because you were with Aang! I had to keep my distance or it would have destroyed me.” He brushed his fingers against her cheek. “When I found out you had rejected him I… I wanted to go after you, to tell you that it was the right decision. I was dying to make you feel less alone. But I couldn’t do that to you, to Aang, or to myself. You needed to figure out what you wanted.”

“I want you, Zuko,” Katara said as she felt herself crying again. “I screwed up. Big time. I never should’ve made us go our separate ways. There´s nothing I regret more.”

“So what now, then?” 

“Can we start over, please? I know there’s no way to erase the last five years from our memory. But we could make this right. We can make this work the second time around. Together.”

“I suppose we could do it. But, don’t you care what everyone else would think?”

“No, not anymore. I won’t make the same mistake again.” She cupped his cheeks into her hands, pressing her forehead onto his. “If you let me, I’ll prove to you that you’re all I want.”

His eyes showed he wanted it, too. Katara was sure of it. They had never stopped loving each other. 

“Of course I’ll let you,” he replied, placing a soft kiss on her nose. “Does this mean you’re not leaving tomorrow? Because I really should let the coachman know whether he has to prepare the carriage or not.”

Katara chuckled, considering his teasing an invitation to stay a little longer. 

“I think I won’t be leaving until we figure this out.”

“Good, then you’ll add it to your schedule and I’ll add it to mine,” he joked. 

“Are you going to keep chatting or does kissing me sound like a better idea to you?” 

“Why don’t we wait another five years and I’ll see how it suits me then?”

“Sure,” Katara planted a kiss on his lips. “Whoops, five years are over.”

Zuko’s response seemed to agree with her since it only consisted of multiple kisses all over her face. She kissed him back, burying her fingers into his hair, making a mess of his Fire Lord looks. Neither of them cared anymore. They were finally together. 

One choice had been her undoing. Yet, somehow, a single assembly had also pushed her to make things right. She couldn’t turn back time, but she could make the most out of the mess she’d caused years ago. And, Spirits, she had every intention to do so. 

------ See? I promised you the ending was a happy one. I hope you enjoyed it! <3  @zutaraweek

[vulpinmusings]

Letters from Buxcord #3 - Bayou Basilisk

Mystery 3 of my group Monster of the Week campaign (See Episodes 1 and 2 here) concluded last night, wherein we had a most unpleasant experience in the local bayou.

Samantha,

I’ve struggled over whether or not to write this letter for weeks, uncertain if it’s worth the effort if I can’t even send it or the previous ones to you.  I just decided to keep carrying on for two reasons: because I know you’ll want to know my stories once I return and I’ll appreciate having these letters on hand as notes, and because writing them will make me retain a hope of returning eventually.  

I make a promise, I will get back to Taryn.

I just don’t know if it’ll be through my own efforts.

So, why was I so down?  I went to see Madam Weaver to see if she was as informed as her note claimed.  She lives in a somewhat run-down part of Buxcord, but her own house is in great shape.  Weaver’s an older lady and definitely well attuned to the ways of magic, although I can’t quite place what her personal style is yet.  She gave me some insight into this universe’s magic, and apparently the streams are individually far more potent than I’m accustomed to using, so my issues are less a matter of mis-aligned Weaving than creating overloaded Weaves.  That’s going to take a fair bit of time to adjust to; I may have to unlearn everything I’ve assumed about the ratio of strings in a Weave to the power and versatility of spells.

It could also be a result of magic not being as widely used here as it is in Taryn or most of the ‘verses along the Chain, or part of the fallout of recent events. Madam Weaver told me that not too long ago, but before I arrived in this universe, there had been an explosion of magic on the scale of a uranium bomb which had caused a kind of “refreshing” of the magical energy in the world.  That wave I suffered through prior to the incident with the pig-faced murder ghost might have been an aftershock of that explosion; if so, it’s the first one to have occurred.

None of that is what distressed me though.  What did it was Madam Weaver’s knowledge of inter-universe portals.  To summarize, if I wanted to create a stable portal to Taryn from Buxcord, I would need to sacrifice something that originates from my destination universe. Something more… substantial than some of my cards or other personal possessions. I’d have to give up part of myself.  The only other option right now is to sit tight and wait for someone – be it Rubia or that skvetchte Raposinho that got me into this mess in the first place or our friends at the end of the Chain – to figure out how to pinpoint my location in the multiverse and cast a portal my way.  And that without any of you actually having this letter in front of you to inform you of my situation!

Also, “True Name” magic is apparently more than just a charlatan's facade for coercion techniques in this universe.  I haven’t had any reason to question my defenses against such things here yet, except for the fact that I did get mind-controlled that one time by a form of magic I still don’t fully grasp...

Bah re...

Might as well put what just happened into this letter, try to end it on a more upbeat note.

Although magic is not a commonly accepted reality around here, I’ve managed to establish enough of a reputation as a solver of problems to pull in enough money to afford the rent on an apartment.  You’d laugh to see how empty it is, but I at least managed to acquire a couch so I have somewhere soft to sleep.  A few days after moving in, I was awakened by a knock on my door.  It was a young man leaning on a cane, one of my new neighbors who goes by Rocky.  He asked me for my help in locating his missing twin brother, William, who had left the previous evening claiming a sudden need to test one of the new boats at Bayou Boating, and had not returned.  Always eager to be doing something, and needing a bit of a refresher to the finances, I set off immediately.

My first clue that things were going to be more interesting than a simple missing person’s case was bumping into the ever-uncanny Nollthep just outside Bayou Boating.  Once again, the fellow was on an errand for his mysterious boss, who wanted a mage to lend them a hand.

I must admit, I’m growing slightly suspicious of Nollthep.  Last time we worked together, he was seeking a Wiccan, and after the pig-face was dealt with I saw Penelope Clemonte’s name on the official list of its victims, when I know she was in perfect health.  Now, here Nollthep was looking for a mage and being very intent on the word “hand.”  Partly out of my ever-honest nature and partly out of a desire to try and protect any innocents, I volunteered that I am a mage.

We went inside the Bayou Boating storefront to find the last member of the unofficial “Buxcord Weirdness Magnet” trio, Lea, observing the company’s boss, Fitz, dressing down two of his employees over a missing boat.  When questioned, none of them knew where William was but were willing to believe he was responsible for the missing boat.  Fitz had already called in the police and was in a very bad mood, so it took a lot of fast-talk and at least one dose of Lea’s charm magic to convince him to let us go out into the bayou with another of his precious fan-driven boats.  He only agreed on the condition that one of the employees, Piper, came with us and drove the boat.

Nollthep, in his usual straightforward style, dragged poor Piper out to the boat and hacked the mooring rope apart before anyone could make a move to untie it properly.  As we started out, following the usual route used for testing new boats, Piper and Lea realized they knew each other from early childhood and spent a while catching up.  I didn’t pay them too much mind, being more focused on looking for signs of William and his boat.  I don’t recall what I said, exactly, but some comment I made to Nollthep’s rambling prompted him to pull out his own eyes and swap them around, much to Lea’s horror. Somehow, Piper failed to notice the trick. How Nolly’s managed to last so long with next to nobody suspecting him of not being human, I may never know.

As we drove by the second of many islands in the bayou, we spotted a boat upturned on the shore.  Piper brought us in for a closer look, but after a thorough search of the island we found no signs of William or any other human presence.  As we boarded our boat, I saw Rocky in the near distance in a small motor boat, so we went over to ask him what he was doing.  After all, he’d asked me to do the bulk of the foot-work.  As Piper was helping him onto our craft, Lea spotted something moving in the water and floored the accelerator, nearly knocking the rest of us off our feet, and ramping off the back of the 20-foot long python that was starting to breach the surface.  As she was not sitting in the driver’s chair, Lea’s control over the boat was lacking, and we ended up whirling around and crashing into the snake and throwing everyone but Rocky into the water.  Nollthep sank like a rock and stayed under for a few seconds before teleporting himself back onto the boat.  As for myself, I managed to call up a swell of water to shove the snake back long enough for Rocky to drive over to us. Nollthep locked eyes with the snake and froze for a crucial moment before throwing a handful of his exploding powder, buying enough time for Piper to get out of the water.  As Lea was trying to follow suit, however, the snake charged in and slammed the boat, launching Lea into the air, where she proceeded to defy gravity until Rocky hooked his cane around her ankle and pulled her in.

The snake – basilisk, rather, for that’s what I soon determined it was – tried to wrap me in its coils as I struggled toward the boat, but Nollthep caught it around the neck with his chain of handkerchiefs, freeing me to climb back aboard and give the basilisk a perfunctory fireball in the face. Piper took control of the boat and whipped us around to head back to the docks at speed.  The basilisk made chase as Nollthep threw his cards at it to try and convince it to leave.  It didn’t break off, though, until Rocky leaned against Nolly for balance, raised his cane, and channeled a beam of ice magic through it at the basilisk.

I do seem to be attracting all the local mages as hoped, albeit slowly and sporadically.

The police still hadn’t arrived when we returned, and Fitz was none too happy to learn we’d basically accomplished nothing of note.  William was still MIA, the stolen boat was still marooned, and there was skvetchte big snake swimming around Bayou Boating’s tour area.  Actually, the snake bothered him far less than it should have, since he declared he fully intended to open the tours in two days’ time as scheduled, man-eating snake or no man-eating snake.

As we stepped outside to discuss our next move, Nollthep unexpectedly blinked away for about a minute and returned with a white dove that took an immediate and insistent interest in me and Rocky.  Nollthep claimed the bird, which he called Sven, was a new friend, but he seemed nervous and more jittery than usual with it around.

I wanted to consult with Madam Weaver about how to deal with the basilisk, to confirm its weaknesses and find out where to obtain what we would need, but I was uncertain about introducing her to Nollthep just yet, so I convinced him and Lea to let me go alone.  The Madam informed me that basilisks are fatally allergic to weasel blood and griffon tears and that the lab that had produced the Santa-squatch and not-deer from back around Yuletide might be able to provide the materials.

When I returned to Bayou Boating, I found Lea yelling at Nollthep about him attempting to kidnap Rocky via teleport and misplacing the man.  The police had also arrived in my absence and Lea had barely managed to convince them there was a dangerous snake in the bayou, so they were waiting on Animal Control rather than heading out in their own boat.

After assisting Lea in brow-beating Nolly into teleporting around town to find Rocky, Lea and I made our way to the lab.  Nollthep popped into the lab well ahead of us, much to the annoyance of Professor Thomas, before rejoining us just outside and proceeding to annoy the professor again via the intercom.  I shoved Nolly aside and told the professor our reason for coming, and he invited Lea and me in.  Nollthep had to stay outside, as Thomas believed he’d done something bad to the former Professor Case.  So, that was another mark against Nolly…

As it turns out, Professor Thomas’s lab holds a wide variety of tissue and fluid samples from all kinds of creatures, mundane and Mythic, explaining where Case had acquired the materials to make his Christmas monsters.  Thomas handed over a vial of weasel blood without much comment, but was hesitant to give up his only sample of griffon tears, as he was hoping to use them to save the beasts from either current or eminent extinction.  We managed to come to an agreement: I could have the tears in exchange for bringing Thomas a sample from the basilisk, Nollthep, or both.  It was a fair enough deal.

Back at Bayou Baoting, Lea went inside to work her magic on Fitz so we could take a boat out again. While she was doing that, Nollthep got the bright idea of building a boat of our own using the wood from the docks.  He ripped out a good part of a pier before I managed to stop him, and he only did a half-baked job at fixing the damage, all the while twitching under the stare of the dove that I’m sure is not actually a dove which was still insisting on using me as a perch.

Lea came back with Piper in tow, and we launched back into the bayou.  As we neared the island where we’d found the basilisk the first time, Nollthep saw something hanging in a tree and swam over for a closer look.  As the boat drew nearer, I saw Rocky’s cane floating in the water, fished it out, and then looked up to see that it was Rocky himself stuck in the tree.  I tried to levitate him down, but I must have over-corrected for the power difference because the spell fizzled quickly.  Lea jumped out to catch Rocky and wound up floating under her own power again.  As I held out the cane for them to use to haul themselves back aboard, the basilisk’s head emerged from behind the tree and locked eyes with me.

Some say the stare of a basilisk is instant death, but I can say with authority that the Buxcord variety at least merely instills a partial paralysis.  Lea panicked and tried to fly away, dropping Rocky onto the boat and drawing the beast’s attention.  It lunged at her as Nollthep, who had teleported back to the boat, tried to hit it with his explosive powder and only succeeded in momentarily blinding everyone on board.

While I struggled to overcome the double disadvantage of sluggish muscles and abused retinas, the basilisk bit Lea in the leg and pulled her into the water. She she reacted by causing a nearby tree to slam into and ensnare the snake.  As Lea climbed aboard the boat, Nollthep lassoed the basilisk to try and pull it closer and I applied a Tangler to twist its head around for a dose of weasel blood and griffon’s tears.

Lea, in a panic and maybe a bit delirious from basilisk venom, attempted to fly away.  Nollthep pulled her back to the boat so he and Rocky could attempt first-aid. Nollthep revealed a rare moment of actual knowledge in attempting the method of sucking the venom out of Lea’s wounds, which he actually managed to do.  He then swallowed the venom, revealing the incompleteness of his knowledge.  Rocky’s contribution was to try and seal the bite wound with ice.

As this was going on, I was force-feeding the basilisk.  The weasel blood and griffon tears didn’t kill it immediately, but it still had a violent reaction. Convulsions and blood from the mouth, all that good “dying from the inside out” stuff.  Lea and I sped the process up via another tree slammed into the basilisk’s back and an explosive fireball to the head.

Meanwhile, Nollthep tried to expel the venom from his system as quickly as possible and shed around half his skin in the process, much to Rocky’s disgust.

I grabbed a floating chunk of basilisk from the water and bit of Nolly hide, figuring there was no sense in not giving Thomas both of the things he’d requested if they were both available.

Once we got back to shore, Rocky and Piper loaded Lea into a golf cart and took her to the hospital, adamantly denying Nollthep’s request to join them.  Once the two of us were alone, putting aside that creepy dove, I took the opportunity to lay out a long list of advice for Nollthep regarding his erratic, uncanny, and decidedly not-human behavior.  He thanked me for the input, and we went our separate ways.

I had pegged Nollthep for a non-human from the start, and that engendered a feeling of camaraderie with him, but I find myself starting to question the wisdom of treating him as an ally.  Even ignoring his version of normal behavior, which has grown harder and harder to excuse over the months, there have been two instances of people who Nollthep has shown high interest in and survived encounters with dangerous entities only to later come to harm.  Once is chance and twice is coincidence, but if something happens to Rocky or someone at Bayou Boating…

I’m not sure what I’ll do, yet, but it probably won’t end well.

So much for upbeat endings.

- Ash

[whoareyouandwhyshouldicare]

To all my fellow LoVe shippers who are feeling down I have one thing to say.

I can’t make the last 8 minute of season 4 disappear but I can recommend some really great LoVe fanfiction that will make you feel at least a little bit better. So without further ado here are a few of my favorite LoVe fics!

A Hard Habit to Break  by  mskatej   Nothing gets Veronica over her failed relationships better than Logan Echolls.    

...And Long For You  by  AbsolutelyIris It was moments like those Veronica wished she could be like Lilly- storm into his house and curse and yell and damn him to hell before demanding he fuck her...and like with Lilly, he would gladly, if reluctantly, do so.      

 “Any Love Is Good Love, Baby”  by wily_one24   Apparently, Hollywood was wrong, the devil did not wear Prada, the devil wore butch black boots and tiny little skirts.                                

The Best (and Only) Kept Secret in Neptune  by  vixleonard Even when they hated each other, Logan and Veronica just couldn't stay away from each other.                     

The Burdened Vessel  by  vixleonard   Veronica needs a favor only Logan can help her with.              

Every Belt That Ever Hit Someone (Is Still Made to Hold Something Up)  by igrockspock   Logan doesn't get any votes for Most Changed at the ten-year reunion, which is bullshit when you think about it.  In the past ten  years, everything in his life has changed.  He's joined the Navy, dated a pop star, and figured out that Dick Casablancas can occasionally behave like a real human being.  Only one thing hasn't changed: he's still in love with Veronica Mars.  Oh, and he's suspected of murdering his girlfriend.

"Fear and Loathing in Neptune"   by wily_one24 Veronica Mars was going to get herself laid. Series  Part 1 of Any Love  

A Fine and Endless Cycle  by kartography A freshman year at Hearst and the cyclical nature of love                                         

Fireworks by AliLamba Veronica is technically not a virgin, and awkward results ensue. An AU version of LoVe's first time.                

For the Sake of a Friend by jacedesbff   What if Logan and Veronica were involved in a secret relationship throughout the events of Season 1?     

The Game of Trust  by Kantayra of Yore (Kantayra)   This time Veronica really did trust him, and she knew how to prove it...    

Getcha, Getcha, Getcha, Getcha  by  Kantayra of Yore (Kantayra) Veronica and Logan prank each other. Really, it's shameless the way they flirt...  

Give Me The Ocean  by scandalpants   Post Season 3 AU.  Veronica decides what she really wants.  Spoiler: it's not Piz.                                              

Home Is Where The Heart Is by: lv63   AU preseries and forward, begins in season 1. this story is all about veronica and her friends. angst, mystery, humor and romance, LoVe and MaDi. summary in prologue. 

I Hate You Because by: SilverLining2k6   Mid 1X3 - Meet John Smith.    Logan, Veronica, a pool, snark, and a made up drinking game.

i knew you were trouble when you walked in  by youcallitwinter   And, it's just—  Logan had always been her intense high-school romance, sure. But she had, somewhere along the way, in some secret corner of her mind, convinced herself that was all he was; a high-school romance. Explosive, powerful, passionate, and bound to burn itself out eventually

(Im)Perfection  by  AbsolutelyIris The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.                

In a World by: my shangri-la   A/U! Exploring the 'what ifs' that could have happened if Lilly Kane hadn't been murdered, and her secrets – and others – had come out anyway. Pairings: Lilly/Logan, past Duncan/Veronica, eventual Logan/Veronica. (Story begins with Lilly as a senior, the rest are juniors.)

In the kind of world where we belong  by  Anonymous  There was always something missing.  A Lilly Kane sized hole in both their hearts.  Instead of going to see Aaron Echolls on October 3rd Lilly decides to comfort a friend and their lives change forever.A very smutty OT3 take on what might have happened if Lilly had lived.

Kid Things  by sowell   5 years after graduation, Logan comes back to Neptune to ask Veronica for help.                      

King of Mars  by: HGRising   AU. In which everyone has a story to tell but not everyone gets the chance. And, things make more sense from a different perspective. Ever wonder why Veronica Mars was Lilly Kane's best friend? There's redemption for some and condemnation for others when the secrets come out. And everyone's got a good one.

Landmine  by  AbsolutelyIris It needed to be forgotten, and quick.             

The Long Way Home  by  AbsolutelyIris   "We should take the long way home." 

Matching Pink Bikinis  by  Anonymous Veronica and Lilly wear matching pink bikinis to Logan's for a pool day.  This is pure threesome smut, folks.                

Pink Lemonade (Logan/Veronica/Lilly)  On a trip to Honolulu, Lilly manages to bring Veronica out of her pink, frosty shell. Spoilers/Warnings: This is a threesome fic and therefore includes some femslash.        

Playing Hide and Seek With the Truth by: jenwin23   Continuation of the Truth series. The kids go back to school. Old issues remain while more secrets will be revealed, relationships will change and lives will crumble.

The Real Thing by: Josielynn   AU. Logan and Lilly are off again/on again. Duncan is dating Meg. Veronica was never friends with Lilly. Logan sees Veronica in her soccer uniform and wants to date her.

Scotch on the Rocks (A FanFic Tribute)  by kmd0107   A long time ago...there was an incredibly hot LoVeLy trilogy fic (Pink Lemonade & Sex on the Beach) started over on Live Journal that never got its third part.  This is a tribute to what that might have been.   Logan POV of the evolving sexual and emotional relationship between himself, Veronica, and Lilly.              

Scourging Fire, Blazing Soul  by Nerdyesque   What if Veronica didn't grow up with the 09ers, but came into their lives prior to Lilly's death? How would her presence affect Duncan, Lilly, Logan, the Kanes, and the Echolls? Also, who is Veronica without Keith Mars' loving protection?      

Sex on the Beach (Logan/Veronica/Lilly) NC-17 Lilly's chapter in my Drinks Series. Nobody wants to talk about what happened in Hawaii, and it's driving Lilly crazy. How could she possibly make what happened less awkward? By making it happen again, of course!        

Some Truths Hurt by: jenwin23 Jumping off point: V gets Duncan's journal in Echolls' Family Xmas. AU from there but many canon events happen too. All characters in the VM-verse make an appearance, but it is a LoVe story. In script format-but give it a try, it's well written.

The Third Kane by: Mac-alicious   Lilly, Duncan and Veronica Kane rule the social scene in Neptune. The three are loyal and inseparable. They once believed there was nothing that could come between them. They didn't count on Logan Echolls.

Time, Make It Go Faster Or Just Rewind  by  kmd0107  Logan being ‘the real-Logan’ is so familiar that she almost can’t help but give in to it, even if it’s just a one night pass.   She’ll embrace this moment out of time and the walls and armor can go back up tomorrow.AU from 1x4 Wrath of Con              

Truths Too Big to be Told  by: jenwin23 Sequel to Some Truths Hurt. It's summer time and more than the weather is hot. Neptune is embroiled in class warfare, Veronica is looking into the mystery of another dead girl, the fallout from Lilly's case continues, and more secrets will be revealed.

I’m also throwing in some of my favorite MaDi (Mac and Dick) fics because Dick needs a hug too.

The ABCs of Mac and Dick by: jenwin23   The ABC challenge with Mac and Dick. Created for Madi lover at VM Santa 2010 at livejournal. Cross-posted. In letter order, not in chronological order.

Bodycount by: BIFF1   Cassidy and Mac meet a little earlier and a little blood-lust gives him an entirely different problem when it comes to forming a real relationship with Mac. AU with MAJOR season two SPOILERS! Mac/Cass, Mac/Dick, Mac/Cass/Dick

Casablancas Kryptonite By: BIFF1   "You just don't get it. She's like kryptonite or something." Dick looked at his brother and thought about those blue eyes that cut and the way her mouth twisted around insults. Yeah maybe she was kyptonite. Casablancas kyptonite because isn't he just as weak.

Casual? By: BIFF1   It's just sex. Casual sex. no attachments, just good hot sex. But that was the summer and now school is about to start up again and Veronica's back from Virginia and can tell that something is up. They can stop, no problem...

The Charm Bracelet by: DalWriter   Future Fic. Who Knew Prince Charming Would be Dick Casablancas? Mac reminisces as she looks at a charm bracelet Dick gave her.

Commitment Buffers by: BIFF1   Dick and Mac live with Logan and Veronica in their attempt to have some sort of commitment buffer between them. Only problem with the arrangement is that Mac and Dick tolerate each other at best which is a big improvement as far as their concerned. However living in such close quarters may prove difficult when it becomes obvious that they may actually sort of like each other.

Dark Day by: BIFF1   It's Cassidy Casablancas' birthday and the two people closest to him are falling apart. She just wants to hide away from the world for the rest of the week, just drink and cry and be with someone who gets it and no one gets it more than Dick. Not as angsty as it sounds, promise. Now complete with happy ending!

Electrify by: BIFF1   A guilt trip from Logan has landed Dick in a crowded tent with Mac. With a lightening storm raging outside he can't sleep and it appears neither can she.

Rendezvous by: BIFF1   A collection of one-shots. In which Dick and Mac are forced together by fate or friends and hook up. Because I apparently really like writing them hooking up.

Secret Santa By: BIFF1   Saw this homemade sweater from hell prompt from VMficRec. It's a November challenge but I couldn't help myself. Just some fun when Mac pulls Dick's name for Secret Santa. She figures a six pack and porn until he makes a big deal about not wanting anything handmade. She can't really help herself, she spends the month knitting Dick a sweater.

[prorevenge]

Touchdown.

As I recall this story, I’m aware that some of the comments said by the perpetrators below will seem a bit straw-man in their delivery, but keep in mind that this was in an area considered very extremist.

So, this took place back in high school. This was 8 years ago in the Midwest. I’m 25 now, and While I don’t cherish all that lead to this, I do fondly remember its conclusion.

When I was in 11th grade, I went to a school that had a really heavy emphasis on School Spirit. And honestly, that part was great. It didn’t just focus on sports and other clubs like it, but also celebrated AV, Debate, Dance, etc. We had a pretty good football team and My boyfriend at the time was a first string running back. I wasn’t on the cheerleading squad, but I often helped with choreography for them, Dance and Flag teams. Mostly because I didn’t want the stigma of being the only boy on the cheerleading squad.

I wasn’t often bullied myself. I mean, there was the occasional slur tossed at me in the hall by your run-of-the-mill homophobes. But as far as anything extreme went, it didn’t happen to me. I figured it was mostly due to the fact that I was pretty important to 3 school squads.

However, my boyfriend, when he finally came out and started dating me, did not get the same treatment from everyone. Maybe it was because he was supposed to be Masculine, tough guy, football star but things got a lot tougher for him really quick.

His family and close friends were pretty cool with it all, but school was a different story.

His teammates were the first to turn their backs on him. Treating him like dirt where a week before he was their ‘best friend.’ Obviously not all of them were like this, but enough of them were and they outshined the good players who didn’t mind.

He seemed to take most of it in stride, as he knew what he was getting into when he came out. He told me a little name calling wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle and ‘if being honest with them changed their attitudes so much, then they never really were his friends.’

However, this is @prorevenge. Things never really stop there.

Apparently, this change in attitude didn’t just stop at his teammates. His coach wasn’t a big fan of having a ‘fairy boy’ on his team, and began pushing my boyfriend to the absolute limit.

He had to do twice as much work as everyone else for no good reason. And then, he’d get benched for ‘slacking off’ during practice. This was clearly taking its toll on him and it was hard for me to sit by. I wanted to confront them, and to figure out how his personal life had any connection with his ability to play. But, I was 5’8”. The shortest guy on the team was 5’11”. They were 20 in total. I was 1, maybe more than that if I could convince some friends to back me up. They lifted weights, ate steel and shat bullets. I was a dancer, ate normally and shat healthily. The point is, I wouldn’t have stood a chance in a confrontation with these guys. So, for the moment, I let it go and made the most of BFs time with me.

However, one day, he showed up to my practice, bruised and sporting a swollen eye. Aka, a very frequent black eye. He sits next to me and before I can even ask what’s wrong, he cries for what was the only time I ever saw him crack. I was furious and asked him to tell me what the actual fuck happened and told me something that still makes me queasy to this day.

Apparently it was weight room training day for the team. That room with all the weights and treadmills and such. And as usual, my boyfriend was told to run twice as much and lift twice as much as everyone else. Apparently Coach was having a shit day and decided to push him the hardest he’d ever been pushed. He couldn’t take it and passed out temporarily when he stopped. He said he was only out for a few seconds (thank god.) but when he came to, his coach was looking down on him both physically and metaphorically. He apparently told him that he wasn’t even fit to be on the team if he couldn’t even run without passing out like a ‘sissy’.

Then my boyfriend told me he shared a look with the other team members and left the room. And then several other members started taking turns wailing on him, kicking him and spitting on him. It didn’t go on for long before a few of the good teammates got them to cut it out and he finally managed to get out of the weight room and find me.

I consoled him, but I felt my blood burn from the rage I felt. I know people bullshit all the time about ‘blacking out’ and going all primal on a bitch, but I felt that feeling. Like all reason was gonna flood out of my brain and I was gonna find a bat and crack knees. But my boyfriend practically pleaded with me to not say anything. He said he didn’t want it to get worse, and picking a fight wouldn’t make it better. So I sucked it up but felt the wheels in my head start turning. Something needed to be done.

I couldn’t let this go on. So I started thinking and I figured out a way to get these bastards. To pin them with all of their shit and get some justice for my boyfriend.

I had quite a few friends all across the school. Cheerleading, Dance, Flag and, most importantly, AV Club (Since they recorded most performances for Dance and Show Choir.)

I got a few of my cheerleader friends in on my scheme and convinced our coach to let us practice near the team that day. It was almost playoff season so it wasn’t a hard push. Furthermore, I asked if my AV club friend, Ciara, could record our routines so we could review them so I could see if anyone needed work. She was a really chill coach and said yes to that too. Obviously we hoped to catch these guys on film, and use it as evidence against them... and hope something came of it. Honestly, it wasn’t the best plan but it was what I came up with.

When we got to the field that day, I began running through the steps of a routine we came up with while our plan was put into motion.

And it was a nightmare for me. I heard the coach and saw his treatment first hand. Screaming at my boyfriend to work harder, run faster. And his teammates heckled and pushed him around in their all-to-subtle ways. ‘Accidentally’ throwing passes at his head. Shoulder checking him when they lined up for Defensive Drills.

But I knew I couldn’t say anything yet. He’d be upset if I stepped in and the tormenting wouldn’t get better. So I bit my lip and endured.

I was beginning to think we weren’t going to get anything. If we showed our principal or administration what we’d seen, the Coach or the players could just spin it as harmless heckling and ‘seeing the potential in him’ as an excuse to push him harder.

But luck finally got on our side, and another pass came flying towards BF and hit him square in his black eye.

I flinched when I saw it. He fell to his knees and cried out. I ran over to check on him and see if he was okay. He said he was fine but I could see his ‘good’ shining with tears. It clearly hurt a lot. I heard them laughing. The coach chuckling and those assholes who hurt him in the first place.

I just couldn’t hold my tongue anymore. I wasn’t known for shouting or cussing but I turned, my nastiest snarl on my face and screamed “What the actual fuck is wrong with your asses?”

The football twats started ‘Oooh’ing at us and the coach shook his head. “What? Does he need his boyfriend to fight his battles now?” He said.

I told him that he and his stupid team was the reason he was hurt in the first place. This didn’t deter him. I don’t remember his exact words, but he said something to the effect of “You should be happy I’m even letting this faggot on my team.” And told me that he’d speak with the coach about my position with the Other teams. Get me kicked off so I had nothing.

I looked back at Ciara. Thank God she had the wherewithal to bring her camera closer to watch him. I stood up, taking BFs hand and leaving the field, middle finger raised as I left. When I finally met up with Ciara, she told me she got the whole thing. I still wasn’t happy, but I was relieved we finally had something on these bastards. She told me she’d have a friend get it ready and we’d go to the Principal that week.

We went to her a couple of days later with our evidence and she was almost as furious as I was. She informed us that she was almost ready to call my boyfriend into the office to ban him from the team because his grades had slipped drastically over the past few months. From honor roll to Cs and Ds. Now she knew the reason. She called in the Coach and had us stick by to corroborate our story. When she asked the question, he did exactly what I thought he would do. He spun it like it was some ‘great potential’ he saw in my boyfriend, but that if it was costing him his grades, he’d inform him that he’d need to get them up or be barred.

I almost grinned like a Cheshire Cat when she turned her monitor around and showed him the footage of him insulting and threatening me and my boyfriend. He was stunned silent, and I was on Cloud 9 with a grin only the fucking sun could hope to match. She asked us to go to class for the day and we did, and awaited the fallout.

And oh my God was it sweet. First and foremost, BF was offered a chance to complete his missing work, no penalties. His grades got back to their previous state. But the best part was the Coach’s immediate firing for ‘Blatent Discrimination and Encouraging violence on a student.’ He wasn’t a teacher so finding a replacement wasn’t difficult. The Principal sent out emails to various schools and the Superintendent of our district and explained the situation. No way was he getting any more jobs in this area.

Furthermore, the jerks who actually committed the act faced not only suspension, but also were kicked off of the team. Most of them had to spend their Senior Year watching Sophomores and Second String players win their playoff game. They didn’t win the Championship but they did make it into the top 10.

But most importantly, my boyfriend was able to resume a relatively normal life.

We broke up after high school. I moved across country for School and he went to our State College. But we maintain a healthy friendship to this day. We try to talk at least twice a year. And we saw each other at our 5 year reunion. He’s happily married to a new guy and I’m in a great relationship and we all hit it off.

I never knew what happened to those guys or the Coach after High School. But I like to think that losing out on what they did may have taught them a lesson. And if not... well may God have mercy on their hateful asses. I certainly won’t.

(source) story by (/u/Kayden_Pauser)

[panickedvulture]

Found this in my drafts, so I’m posting it with no shame to give this blog some life while I’m busy trying to deal with post-endgame feels in the mcu sector of tumblr:

So I had a dream last night that made me realize I spend too much time on this site because it included some of my mutuals and people I enjoy like @theuriearchives ,@yagirlcammmm ,@i-think-im-ready-to-go ,@canyousevmyheavydirtysoul ,@dunjosephurieimagines , and @andbeingblueisbetter to name a few.

I have very vivid dreams and since I write all of them down I figured why not write it here where everyone can see it.

The genre for this dream: a mystery.

The setting: A beautiful cabin (apparently mine) plucked straight out of a “Visiting your SO’s family for the holidays” or a “fake-dating for a visit to your frenemy’s family” AU, my personal favorite. And there was a snowstorm going on outside.

I should also mention everybody had their own appearance. Usually I attach someone’s name with the face in their profile pic, meaning about everybody in this I previously imagined as Brendon Urie at different angles and in different lighting. But thanks to my brain randomly generating faces for everybody, I will be greatly confused in the case that I ever learn what you actually look like.

So, the topic at hand is, as it always is, Brendon Urie. Everybody’s cuddled up on the couch and on the floor in their pajamas drinking hot chocolate, eating dessert, and writing/giving ideas. In the background AFYCSO plays on an old record player, the fire is flickering beautifully alongside some black and white videos of old Panic! performances playing on one of those old big-backed TVs with lines across the screen – at this moment I feel like I am once again a preschooler laying on my stomach and watching movies in a pile of other preschoolers at my old after-school program but I digress–

Then somebody has the audacity to break into my house.

Me being the host of this gathering, I feel obligated to check on the noise. It doesn’t help that literally everyone stops what they’re doing to push me in the direction of the mysterious noise before going back to talking about the size of Brendon Urie’s dick (a conversation brought up by i-think-im-ready-to-go, just thought I should mention that).

So I get up, the second my back is turned nobody cares and I go into the bathroom only to find it flooded because this intruder flushed literally everything it could down the toilet.

To name a few things, it flushed:

1) The monstrous dildo linked on a post by beautiful-tragic-fallout (i don’t mean to call anybody out but its been on my dash with every damn refresh for the past week), who i-think-im-ready-to-go and theuriearchives make a point to explain is out of the house buying us more chocolate-covered strawberries.

2) Every single piece of Pretty. Odd. memorabilia I can imagine because someone just has it out for that album.

3) For those of you who have seen Monsters Inc, the toys Boo flushed down the toilet in that one scene.

4) An entire manuscript that my mind recognizes as smut written by @xxip-smut

5) And pink, fucking, crocs

So I walk back into the living room and round everybody up, declaring we’re on a manhunt for whoever the fuck had the audacity to break into my house, and with that we separate into groups. Accompanying me is Cam who wields a flamethrower while wearing pastel yellow pajamas with baby elephants printed on them.

Eventually after getting tired of Cam pointing the flamethrower at my head even when in ‘resting position’ and scaring the shit out of me, we go into the basement only to find everybody else chose to search the basement and the rest of you have been arguing about who actually gets to search the basement.

Long story short, the basement doesn’t get searched.

Instead to deal with the tension, dunjosephurieimagines suggests we all go back to talking about Brendon’s dick. So we go back to talking about Brendon’s dick.

We sit on the floor in a circle in this basement not realizing its dark and creepy as hell, and if you’ve seen That 70s Show the ‘camera’ moves around in this circle to focus on the face of whoever’s talking. The conversation adds up to smut, theuriearchives pulls out a blunt and i-think-im-ready-to-go pulls out a gun, we start playing russian roulette. Out of guilt for not writing a request sent to me months ago because I suck, I give andbeingblueisbetter a free shot at me. Being a saint they don’t take the opportunity yet.

So anyway, being high and creative a thought comes to us all at once. This thought…where the fuck is @loverontheleft ?

Now we’re all mad and sad and scared and alone because where, the fuck, is cece? Everybody starts asking everybody if they’ve seen her, we conclude the answer is no and we all start freaking out.

Then we realize canyousevmyheavydirtysoul (codename: Sev) is being really quiet.

We all turn and just stare like “So um….whats up?”

Flash-forward, this is all of us trying to figure out cece’s identity, sev is just sitting on the floor smiling and reacting to everything we say with reaction gifs they pull up on their phone, meanwhile we’re all screaming running around, we’ve made a literal office out of this basement and we have glasses and slip-on ties on top of our pajamas.

Then there’s a noise upstairs because we forgot there was someone who broke into my house.

Y’all turn on me and push me up the stairs to my death, I realize this is the cabin that appears in the bodyguard series at one point (wonderfully written by canyousevmyheavydirtysoul, binge it), and in front of me is the super fancy dining room table. There’s mail on it, some envelopes, and I’m like uh no and turn around to come back downstairs.

But you’re all at the bottom of the stairs staring at me and threatening me with your knives and Cam’s flamethrower – where you got the knives I don’t know. I hesitate in turning around for a second so andbeingblueisbetter shoots me.

But I’m like, you know, walk it off. So I do and I go to the table. I’m terrified, break out into a nervous sweat, but it’s fine.

I go and open the folder.

And O - fucking - kay

If you haven’t read the bodyguard series or ready to leap I’m not gonna detail any spoilers, just the main plot given right away, and even if you have it probably won’t help this make any more sense. Here….is the story:

Our beloved Cece started off as a teacher, right? But not just any teacher, Ms. fucking Milton, who started a relationship with the music teacher of her high school, Mr. Urie, who in this case is in fact Brendon Urie of our universe and lead singer of Panic! at the Disco. But the deal with him is that he got tired of the fame and through extensive work he managed to get rid of all the files that legally point to him as being Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco. And for the first few years of his teaching, all the kids knew he was Brendon Urie I mean come on, but eventually the whole school and town settle on the idea that this is just one of those situations where twins are separated at birth and coincidentally given the same exact name. So boom, they do what they do – but newsflash, Cece is Y/n from the Bodyguard series and knowing Mr. Urie’s relationship with Ms. Milton, S.H.I.E.L.D pulls a Hydra Bucky Barnes situation in order to train Brendon into the best damn bodyguard the world could imagine because Cece is a valuable asset that needs the absolute best protection. Canyousevmyheavydirtysoul was like a journalist or something for S.H.I.E.L.D and witnessed all of this go down, knows every little thing about these two. So they get trained, they get close, drama happens, then they’re all put under-cover. Brendon goes back to being Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco, Sev and Cece are assigned to live their current lives and specifically assigned to write their stories for this Tumblr community to get everybody off their trails.

And then I look up. And there’s cece and I think…

“She is about to fucking, kill me.”

I try to throw the folders at her but for some reason I can’t throw anything in my dreams, so I get frustrated that my arm just won’t work, Cece in the meanwhile uses this time to approach me. My mind can’t even generate her an appearance and I think that she’s wearing a disguise because she’s like a spy or something that did after all break into my house to clog my toilet with dildos.

We maintain eye contact for what my dream-self recalls as a long time. I feel this energy in my soul I have never felt before and it is not fun, I don’t like it.

She takes the folder from me and gives me a red one.

And with her eyes piercing my soul, I get this feeling that literally has my skin vibrating even after I wake up, and I hear this voice that’s like “I know you know. And I’m watching you.”

So I woke up in a cold sweat obviously and tried to suppress this whole thing but it kinda lingered in the back of my mind all day. Then the weird tiny details came back to haunt me when I saw the elephants at the zoo. 

[truthbeetoldmedia]

The 100 6x08 “The Old Man and the Anomaly” Review

Hello, and welcome to another episode of No Good Choices (thanks Josie). Honestly, it’s a great way to sum up the episode; things are falling apart left and right, and everyone’s poor decision making is in high gear just as time is close to running out for Clarke. A lot happens in this episode to get characters to the places they need to be, and we’re left with more questions than anything by the end of it. 

Worst Road Trip Ever 

Something I wasn’t too fond of this episode? The journey to the mysterious anomaly. Now, I should be specific here, because learning some more about Sanctum and about Gabriel was an interesting part of the episode. Since the beginning, it was pretty obvious that something was up with Xavier, and despite Gabriel being mentioned quite a bit we never actually met him (in present day, at least). Diyoza was the one to realize that Xavier is Gabriel, whose mind drive was transferred to Xavier’s body by Gabriel’s apprentice, who saw his night blood as a sign that Gabriel was meant to live on. I hope this means we get more answers next episode — what was the tipping point that caused Gabriel to leave, and when exactly did that happen? I’m almost certain it had something to do with Josie, since she’s who he saw in his anomaly-induced visions. 

Gabriel, Diyoza, and Octavia reach the anomaly, only for more chaos to ensue: Diyoza’s vision, her daughter as a child, leads her directly into the anomaly despite Gabriel’s warning that anyone who enters never comes out. After Diyoza disappears, Octavia follows, only to emerge a few seconds later, fully healed from her injury a few episodes ago. 

I’m sure that we haven’t seen the last of the anomaly-induced visions or it’s newfound “healing,” or whatever it is you want to call what it did to Octavia. My issue is the amount of time and narrative energy spent on Octavia, especially during this episode. Out of all of humanity's time on Sanctum, and Octavia is the only one to emerge from the anomaly alive? The concept of it “calling” to her? It all seems a little bit too “chosen one” to me, a little too gimmicky, especially for a character that hasn’t done anything to earn it. 

This is one of the pitfalls that The 100 regularly finds itself in — paying too much attention to characters that have outstayed their welcome or who haven’t earned the narrative that they’ve been given. The reason I’m not fond of Octavia isn’t that she’s done terrible things, it’s that the show desperately wants to redeem her and assign her this lore that doesn’t match her actions. 

As a comparison — is Josie a horrible person? Yes. You certainly could argue that she’s much worse than Octavia. With that being said — is Josie interesting? Compelling? Does her arc make sense? Does the character serve a purpose to the show and the plot? Yes. Does Octavia check all of those boxes? Hardly. 

She’s Coming Out of Her Cage and She’s Doing Just Fine 

With the countdown to either Josie or Clarke’s demise officially begun, it’s interesting to see everyone scramble into place. As per usual, most of that scrambling is made of bad decisions, but anything else would be off-brand at this point. Now that Bellamy knows she’s alive, he’s informed the team so they can figure out what to do next. The plan is to take Josie!Clarke back to Eligius in order for Abby to remove Josie’s mind drive from Clarke’s head. It seems pretty simple, so of course it isn’t going to work — Josie has a plan to wipe Clarke from her mind that day by using the same method that was used to get A.L.I.E. out of Raven in Season 3, as we saw last episode. 

We do see some conflict with Murphy here — say what you want about his willingness to work with Josephine and to become immortal, but he was operating under the assumption that Clarke was actually dead. It’s very like Murphy to not dwell on that (even if you thought he should) and to take steps to protect himself and the people he cares about, especially Emori. 

He does take pause when he realizes that Clarke isn’t fully out of Josephine’s (her own?) head, but it’s Emori that tells Bellamy he needs to move fast. 

By the end of the episode he’s successfully taken Josie across the radiation field with the EMP that Emori managed to steal, and he’s faring better than the rest. Madi, despite Bellamy’s best efforts, kills two primes and tries to kill more. The intent was for them to think that the Sons of Gabriel were responsible, but it took Russel about two seconds to realize that it wasn’t. 

Jordan is injured trying to protect “Delilah” from Madi, Murphy is injured by Josie, and basically everyone is taken prisoner. It also comes to light that Russell killed Clarke to bring back Josie, which causes a rift within the primes themselves — not because he killed Clarke, but because it wasn’t Josie’s turn to take a host. Looks like next week is going to be a real cluster. 

Speaking of cluster — Abby has officially lost it. She’s so desperate to save Kane (does she like, even know what's up with her daughter?) that she shows the primes how to engineer night blood, uploads Kane's mind to a mind drive, and “transfers” him into a host. The episode ends with him waking up in his new body, but we have yet to see his full reaction. I can say with confidence that he is NOT going to be comfortable with this situation, and I can only imagine the fallout Abby will face from Kane and from everyone else. 

What’s a God to a Non-Believer?

Every TV show has a trope they like to revisit over and over, and The 100 loves the premise of a false god. It’s been a running theme almost since the beginning, hitting a fever pitch during Season 3. You could argue that Becca, landing on Earth after Apocalypse One was the first in a line of false gods, aka the commanders. Clarke was known as Wanheda, also in Season 3. It’s not a coincidence, either, that Josie referenced that exact title while in Clarke’s mindspace. 

While on the way to the anomaly and hoping to find a cure for Octavia, Xavier (whom we now know is Gabriel) also mentions false gods while looking her in the eyes, a not so subtle reference to her time as Blodreina. 

It’s not a new phenomenon to compare the primes to false gods, either. Their whole method of survival is brainwashing those under their power that they are in fact godlike, so when the time comes for a new host those born with night blood “sacrifice” themselves willingly in order to serve the primes. Josie herself says they’re treated like gods — they’re worshiped, people write songs about them, etc. 

That’s not the last of it, either. As mentioned above, we see Abby play a type of “god” by transferring Kane into a host, and only because she wanted to. Raven was actively fighting against the idea, and Kane certainly had no say in the matter. She basically raised him from the dead in the most scientific way possible, like the primes have been doing for generations. 

One word for next week: repercussions. 

Alyssa’s episode rating: 🐝🐝🐝.5

The 100 airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on the CW.

[itsadrizzit]

The role of Ben Davies in your fics. Talk about it, please. Another: what keeps you motivated to podfic?

Thank you for this. I spent nearly an hour on it and now I’m like, hey, you know what, you should write your fic! Which is way better than I was feeling about writing my fic an hour ago.

Talking about my ABSURD AND VERY DETAILED headcanon character backstories has a way of doing that for me. Hence me posting this ask.

I will answer these in reverse order because the bits about Ben are basically novel-length in themselves.

Podfic. What keeps me motivated? A few things:

1. Reading fic. I don’t get nearly as much time as I would like to read fic, so quite often I will start something, fall in love with it after a chapter or a few thousand words, know I *NEED* to read it, then go home and record it. Yes. It’s highly unorthodox and not advised, but I would say 80 - 90% of my longer podfics I haven’t read the whole fic before I record them. My reading aloud is the first time I am reading the fic. There are many reasons I do things this way, one of them is time. It’s also why 95% of my fic reading is from blanket permission authors so that I *can* do this.

2. Challenges. There are A LOT of great podfic and other fanworks challenges throughout the year and, honestly, as someone podficcing in mostly rare fandoms, those challenges are the way I get people to actually notice and listen to my podfics. The things I do for challenges get WAY MORE visibility than one-off things I do on my own.

3. A need to make fanworks and participate in fandom. It is ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE faster and easier for me to make a podfic than write a fic, so often times when I feel like I’m out of touch with fandom or I just need to create a fanwork, I will find something and make a podfic of it because then I can feel like I made a contribution more quickly than I would be able to if I sat down and tried to write something.

There are other things, but those are the big ones. Mostly, it’s that I read a fic and I *NEEEEED* to record it RIGHT THIS EXACT MINUTE, though.

Alright... on to Ben Davies.

Ahhhh Ben Davies. The much abused, long-suffering Ben Davies.

Okay. First, Ben gets to have a WAY bigger role in the next 3 fics I have planned out. Toby’s gone and he’s trying to be there as Christian’s fill in rational adult, BUT! there are complications with that.

So. Here’s a little thing I made up out of about a half a second of a YouTube video and thin air, because that’s where my best ships sail from. Ben and Christian are good friends and have been since nearly their first day together at Spurs. For one thing, Ben used to live in Denmark and actually played football in the Danish youth system for a while, so they have that commonality. For another, they just like each other. Alright, here’s where my weirdo headcanons start happening.

Ben has had some kind of crush on Christian for nearly as long as he has known him. It was one of those weird things where you’re like this person is such a good friend and I friend-love them and then all of a sudden one day you realise it’s gone WAY BEYOND THAT, but now you’re good friends and you don’t know what to do about it. Also...Christian is Christian, which basically means you could walk up to him and tell him “hello, it turns out I’m very in love with you” and he would just look at you questioningly, shrug, and walk away not understanding that you basically just bared your soul to him. He’s like that. So this is just sort of a “thing Ben has been dealing with” for years now. He realises Christian has no idea about feelings or interest in him as more than a friend and that it’s basically never going to occur to him that this is a possibility. Also, he has no actual idea if the feelings would be reciprocated because Christian is so far removed from the sphere of having any feelings for anyone at all that Ben can’t even get a handle on his particular preferences in that area. Christian’s 95% football and the rest is having fun with friends.

Now is where we diverge. in all instances and canons Ben has these feelings. Much unrequited love in all areas. In the non-AU canon (i.e. the stuff I’m working on now and everything before now) there is also minimal unrequited pining because Ben has given up on things ever going anywhere. He’s just resigned to his fate. However... when Vincent comes along, he sort of shakes things up for Ben, because Ben 100% thought Christian just had zero interest in anyone and now all of a sudden Vincent stumbles in and (even though Christian doesn’t realise it and then once he does realise it tries to pretend it isn’t happening) Christian is all of a sudden drawn in. This is basically the first time since Ben has known Christian that he’s seen him catch feelings for ANYONE AT ALL. The first time he’s shown any interest in ANYONE AT ALL. So all of a sudden Christian is inviting Vincent along to do things with them and declining invitations to dinner with Ben because he’s doing something with Vincent, etc. etc. At first Ben is kind of shaken because he just sort of... doesn’t know what to do with this new information. Like... is it just that Christian had no interest in *him* or is it just that Vincent is new and Ben was already an established friend or...????

So (whenever I get around to writing their getting-together story) there is this weirdness between Vincent and Ben at first because Vincent doesn’t know whether or not Ben and Christian have a “thing” that he is intruding on and Ben doesn’t know whether or not he should be angry about Vincent stepping in and stealing away someone Ben had no claim on in the first place and it’s all just... awkward.

But! Eventually it all settles down and Ben genuinely finds that he likes Vincent as a person and he sees how truly happy Christian is in a way that Ben has never seen before ever, so he just sort of... lets it all go again. Like, he’s Christian’s close friend and in five years of knowing one another he never managed to make Christian that stupidly happy just being in his presence, so he figures this is how things are supposed to shake out and he goes back to getting on with his life. 

(Important note... Ben knows almost instantly--like, before Christian does--that Christian has feelings for Vincent. He knows him well enough. AND he’s one of the first people to figure out when the two of them do get together (again, he knows him well enough to see the small changes) even though Christian never tells him at all. Ben also never says anything about it to either Christian OR Vincent (until the fic I am currently working on...) because he figures if he was supposed to know then Christian would mention it. By not that long into the relationship, basically everyone knows anyway and it’s a giant open secret in the dressing room that no one ever says anything to Christian or Vincent about, but they all sort of just KNOW. But Ben never mentions it and he just goes on with life as usual.)

In the fic I’m working on now, he finally tells Vincent that he knows. Rather... he makes a joke and then Vincent figures out he knows and then Ben admits that he knows. So then Ben sort of picks up a more elevated role of ally, confidant, and advocate. Christian still doesn’t know Ben knows though, until the end when there is a lot of fallout and Ben basically calls Christian and tells him to stop being stupid and everyone knows and no one thinks negatively of it and honestly at this point they don’t really care as long as everyone’s job is getting done. So after that Ben gets to sort of be another voice of reason in things (similar to Toby and Jan and Mousa). Except Ben still has these weird feelings for Christian AND he’s terrible at being a rational adult, so mostly he just makes jokes and laughs at everyone’s awkwardness.

IN THE AU THINGS ARE THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT!

I decided that in the AU Ben is going to be a bit more obvious about things. In the AU Christian is still himself and exactly the same and playing for Spurs with everyone else, but Vincent is a fashion model who lives this weird glamourous party life and does a lot of drugs to deal with himself who just sort of rocks up out of nowhere and sweeps Christian along with him. So we are at this place where Ben still has these feelings for Christian but this time he is still periodically trying to get Christian to realise this. Then Vincent turns up and Christian is SMITTEN. At first whenever Ben (or anyone) brings up Vincent, Christian will just roll his eyes and talk about how annoying and frustrating he is and how much he DOES NOT LIKE Vincent. But somehow Vincent always just keeps... turning up. Christian ends up having to work with him pretty closely for a few weeks and Vincent turns up places and there are just all these circumstances where Ben will be hoping to do something with Christian and he’ll turn him down or cancel plans because of something involving Vincent. Ben (and others) think Christian having any sort of connection to Vincent is going to be TERRIBLE for him, but the more Christian works with him the more he finds him oddly charming and basically Christian is bored because he’s 26 and never got to make stupid life choices and he ends up getting sucked into Vincent’s world. Ben has to make a choice to step back and let it happen or try to fight it, so he tries to fight it by ALWAYS GOING ALONG WITH CHRISTIAN whenever he’s doing something that involves Vincent, basically to keep an eye on things. So Vincent sort of thinks Christian and Ben are together because Ben will just sort of glare at him and be generally short with him and disapproving. Eventually Vincent asks Christian about it and Christian just starts laughing at the audacity of the idea that he might be dating Ben and then it’s pretty much game over.

Except that Vincent is still a horrific fuck-up 95% of the time so Ben does everything he can to just be THERE whenever possible and latches on to Christian and amps up his efforts to get Christian to realise that Ben might not be the 100% best choice for someone to date, but he is DEFINITELY a better option than Vincent in terms of keeping Christian out of trouble. It doesn’t work, of course, but Ben is there to swoop in and clean up all the messes and just generally be the bro who is there when things go to shit in the hopes that someday that will translate into Christian realising Ben was the one for him all along.

So it’s sort of the same, but in the AU, even though he knows he’s setting himself up for a world of hurt and unrequited pining and feelings, Ben keeps his foot in out of sheer stubbornness and the need to save Christian from his bad choices.

[shireness-says]

Playing the Part ch. 11: Why So Silent?

Summary:  As a stage manager who’s clawed her way up from the bottom, Emma Swan can handle just about anything thrown her way. But does that include handsome lead actor Killian Jones? A CS Broadway AU.  Rated T. Also on AO3.  Prologue  Ch. 1  Ch. 2  Ch. 3 Ch. 4  Ch. 5  Ch. 6  Ch. 7  Ch. 8  Ch. 9  Ch. 10

A/N: Here we are: the fallout from the holiday party. Sorry? 

Chapter title from “The Phantom of the Opera” and suggested by my fantastic beta, @snidgetsafan. Thanks for that, for your beta services, and for reassuring me about what I did this chapter.

I did a count this morning, and if all goes to plan - or to outline, rather - then this story will have 19 parts. That’s 6 more chapters and an epilogue, so you can all breathe a sigh of relief that we’re halfway through this nonsense. Thanks for sticking with me.

Tags: @kmomof4, @winterbaby89, @thejollyroger-writer, @mythologicalmango, @onceuponaprincessworld, @idristardis, @teamhook, @courtorderedcake, @aerica13, @revanmeetra87, @snowbellewells, @searchingwardrobes. If you want to be tagged going forward (or taken off this list - I won’t be insulted!), shoot me a message, and I’ll make it happen.

Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

Emma wakes up in her bed the day after the holiday party with a headache, dry mouth, and regret. Plenty of regret.

At first, it’s just a vague regret, one she attributes to the knowledge she drank too much and an all-too-keen awareness of how her brain is pounding in her head, attempting to forcibly squeeze out through her ears. As she readjusts to the waking world, however, it all comes rushing back. The holiday party. Drinking on the balcony. Killian.

Fuck.

Images of the night before flash behind her eyelids and Emma groans, and not just from the physical pain. God, she was a mess. Mortification courses through her veins, leaving Emma tempted to just crawl underneath the covers again and never come back out. She just might have done it, too, if the bedroom door hadn’t squealed open at that exact moment. I really need to get some Pam on those hinges, Emma idly thinks as she flops her head over to face the door and is met by Mary Margaret’s head, cautiously peeking through the crack. That hesitance doesn’t last long, though, as once her friend ascertains that Emma is indeed awake, she fully walks through the door with a perky smile on her face and cups of what Emma can only hope is very strong coffee in her hands.

“I thought I heard you!” she chirps, pulling an apologetic face when Emma winces at the pitch. Honestly, fuck this hangover. “Sorry,” she says in a much mellower tone of voice. “Here, have some coffee.”

“Oh thank god,” Emma responds, hastily reaching for the offered cup. “You’re a living saint, Mary Margaret.”

“There’s bagels in the kitchen, too, if you feel up to getting out of bed. Oh! And,” she chirps, sending another stab of pain through Emma’s skull as she starts fishing through her pockets, finally coming up with a small plastic tube, “I found Advil. Just my little travel size, but it’ll work, right?”

Emma nods as best she can when attempting to inhale her coffee, motioning with her free hand to hand over one of the capsules. “Thanks,” she rasps when Mary Margaret hands the little salmon-colored tablets over to her. A thought strikes her suddenly, a drunken half-memory creeping through, and Emma groans again. “Don’t tell me you slept on the couch last night.”

“I didn’t sleep on the couch last night,” Mary Margaret reassures, before pausing. Somehow, there’s a sense of a ‘but’ coming, though there really shouldn’t be. Sure enough, though, Mary Margaret continues. “I slept in Henry’s room.”

“Oh, M’s…” Emma groans. “You didn’t have to do that!”

“Oh, I think I did,” she argues right back. “You were very insistent last night that you didn’t want to be left alone.”

“Of fucking course I was,” Emma mutters to herself.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Mary Margaret offers kindly, ever the mother.

Easy answer, that. “Nope,” Emma answers curtly. Fueled by embarrassment and a desire to get as far away as possible from this conversation, she manages to swing her legs out from under the covers and haul herself out of bed to make her way to the bathroom, though she regrets it all the while. Cold air and nausea-inducing movement are much less pleasant than the cozy warmth of the many layers of blankets on her bed.

Brushing her teeth and taking a moment to look marginally less gross helps, but Emma’s still not quite ready to dissect the whole thing with Mary Margaret. Unfortunately, her friend isn’t quite on the same page. Emma had anticipated as such, and is already braced and ready when she walks back in to find some clothes.

Sure enough, Mary Margaret tries to jump in as soon as she walks back into the room. “If you want to talk about last night, Emma — ”

“Don’t you have that appointment this morning?” Emma quickly interrupts, the words already waiting on her tongue. “Miss Blue really won’t be pleased if you’re late, and it’s already almost nine. You’ve got to get going if you want to stop at your place before the theater.” There may or may not have been an incident Tuesday evening where a seam in one of Mary Margaret’s gowns was ripped while she and David were playing tonsil hockey (or whatever the kids say these days). Ruby had quickly tacked it for Wednesday’s matinee, but the production’s petite yet intimidating costume designer had wanted to supervise the permanent repair, supposedly to ensure the fit was correct. Personally, Emma suspects that Mary Margaret is in for a talking-to. If her friend’s blanched face upon initially receiving word of her appointment was any indication, Mary Margaret thinks the same. It’s a low, dirty move of a distraction, but Emma knows M’s won’t risk being late to a professional obligation - both for her own sake and for Emma’s, knowing that these kind of snafus directly increase the amount of stress Emma has to deal with.

The look Mary Margaret gives her is unimpressed - the look of a woman who knows exactly what Emma’s attempting and is not fooled in the least. “Don’t think you’re getting out of this,” she warns. “I’m just about to leave because you just happen to be correct about the time, not because I’m letting you drop this subject. We will pick this up later, and you’ll feel better for it afterwards. Promise?”

Emma hums noncommittally. She’d much prefer to drop the whole thing and pretend it never happened until the end of time. That doesn’t fly with her friend however, as Mary Margaret’s unimpressed look only sharpens.

“I’m serious, Emma. Promise me we’ll talk about it later?”

“Yes, fine, Mom, I promise,” Emma sighs in exasperation, rolling her eyes. The latter was probably a bad idea; it doesn’t help the headache in the least. “Now for the love of God, get out of here before you’re late.”

“Alright,”  Mary Margaret agrees, somewhat hesitantly. “But call me if you need anything, ok? And make sure you eat that bagel, the bread and the protein in the cream cheese will do you good.”

“I will, ok?” Emma all but snaps. Subconsciously, she knows that she’s only reacting in this way due to embarrassment, but for the moment she just wants Mary Margaret out of her apartment, good intentions aside, so that she can wallow in her mortification in peace.

A flash of guilt streaks through Emma as her friend fixes her with a disapproving stare, but Mary Margaret still gathers her coat and heads for the door. “I’m just trying to help, Emma,” she says quietly, disappointment coloring her voice and turning the flash of guilt into a deeply stabbing knife.

Emma sighs, deflating. “I know. I’m sorry,” she says. “Blame it on the hangover. I’ll be better once I get some food into my system. I’ll see you tonight, alright?”

“Alright,” Mary Margaret agrees, before stepping forward to envelop Emma in a tight hug. “Feel better,” she whispers. With a last squeeze she departs, leaving Emma to the silence of her empty apartment.

(Somehow, even though it’s exactly what she wanted mere minutes ago, she hates every silent second of it.)

———

She’s an absolute child, is the thing, between the clinginess last night and her outburst this morning. Might as well go for the hat trick of immaturity and react to her embarrassment by avoiding all witnesses to the event that’s warranted it. Mary Margaret she’s avoiding for obvious reasons - Emma has no intention to discuss the matter, but knows her traitor mouth might betray her anyways when faced with her friend’s gentle insistence. Killian though… she knows he isn’t judging her for her behavior, can see it in the gentle smiles he offers her, and doubts he’d make her discuss the matter, but Emma avoids him all the same out of shame. Merely being in his presence makes her burn with embarrassment at the memory of that evening, and she seeks to evade any reminders of that whenever possible. He doesn’t deserve this treatment, which makes Emma feel slightly guilty - Killian’s a genuinely good guy, kind and charming and (dare she say it?) handsome, someone who she’d want to know more intimately under different circumstances - but she’s compelled to act on a self-preservational instinct.

New Year’s passes with Emma ducking around corners and passing secondhand messages. Henry eventually returns from his vacation with his dad, less enchanted with skiing than before he left - “It’s hard, Mom, and who wants to be out in the cold all day?” - Emma’s good mood returning with him, but another Wednesday comes and goes with her avoidance tactics still in full force. Seeing Emma cheery again, Mary Margaret seems inclined to let go of her determined attempts to dissect the incident now that a week has passed, and Emma can almost put the whole thing behind her. Still, though, the memory persists, and with it, Emma’s avoidance of Killian.

It won’t last forever - at least, she doesn’t think so - but for now, a mere week and some change later, the tactic is here to stay.

———

Emma is avoiding him. Again.

It feels a bit like two months ago again, except this time, Killian can’t figure out what he did wrong. All he knows is that Emma is avoiding him at all costs, ducking around corners when she sees him coming and relaying messages through intermediaries when necessary. And it hurts.

Thinking back, the closest he can figure is that all this started right after the Christmas party, when he watched over Emma in her intoxicated state. Though he meant well, he must have overstepped her boundaries that evening. With growing sadness, Killian realizes he likely blew any chance he might have had of even remaining friends with Emma with what must have been a blatant disregard of her understandable restrictions and concerns. Even if he just meant to make sure she was alright, he must have come off as a real arse. Eventually, he’ll be kicking himself over the whole thing, but for the moment he just feels sad.

He misses her, is the thing, even though he feels like he doesn’t deserve to, not since this is all his fault. He’d thought they were making such good progress too; a simple conversation with Emma can brighten his whole day, and without that to look forward to, everything seems dimmer. He misses her sarcasm, and her dry sense of humor, the way she doesn’t mince her words and snorts when she laughs, the way her smiles may not be easy to earn (except for where her boy is concerned), but so worth it when they make an appearance. He’s fully aware that he’s a pathetic bastard, but ultimately, he can’t help it.

Though Killian is sure everyone has noticed by now how desperate Emma is to avoid him, and how morose he is in turn, it’s Robin of all people who broaches the subject and stops tiptoeing around the matter.

“How are you doing, Killian?” he asks, voice filled with more concern that Killian really deserves. He’d come up to the booth for a meeting they should never have needed to have about finding his spot, Killian frustratingly distracted by his emotional turmoil and nearly missing his marks two days in a row. Ostensibly, they’d met to review where Killian needed to stand each time and whether Robin needed to adjust anything, but it seems more like an excuse for Robin to prod him about the source of the distraction rather than the side effects it creates.

Killian initially just shrugs, humming noncommittally at the other man’s inquiry. It feels a bit weird getting into this with Robin - though they get along well enough, he doesn’t actually know Robin that well, and the lighting designer is definitely more Emma’s friend than Killian’s. There’s a bad joke about losing friends in the platonic divorce bubbling at the back of his throat, but his persistent melancholy keeps it from finding a voice. Ironic, this - he and Emma have switched places emotionally from the circumstances that started all this.

“Really, now,” the other man persists, “I know something’s the matter. Emma’s been acting odd all week, and you’ve seemed down ever since. Now, I may not be some rocket scientist or statistics whiz,” he jokes, “but I’m sensing a correlation. So: how are you doing, Killian?”

Faced with that gentle opposition, Killian cracks. Perhaps it’s a sign that he’s wanted to talk about this all along with someone who knows all the players. “I don’t even know what’s the matter, not really,” he confides. “I just know that for some reason, Emma is avoiding me.” Privately, he suspects it’s a direct result of the events of the other night, but he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing the details without Emma’s knowledge or permission. It hurts, knowing that despite his best efforts to assist Emma as best he can while still respecting her boundaries - her reasonable boundaries, which he agrees with - she still feels avoidance to be necessary. “I think we all know how I feel about Emma,” he chuckles, the words eliciting a snort from Robin in return, “but I’m starting to wonder if maybe I should just… let it go. Find a way to move past my feelings. Not because I want to,” he hastens to add, “but because she seems to want me to. I’m willing to be persistent, but after a certain point… it all seems like a hint to go away. And maybe it’s about time I took that hint.”

Robin just stares back, more skeptical than Killian expected. Granted, he hadn’t expected skepticism at all, so any amount is rather unexpected. “Seriously?”

“... Yes?”

Robin lets out a snort. “Oh lord. Killian, my good man, let me tell you a secret.” He leans in conspiratorially, Killian meeting him halfway out of some bizarre sense of courtesy. Robin, the absolute bastard, lets the moment dramatically sit a moment longer before whispering melodramatically, “Emma’s got a thing for you too.”

Killian rears back, face suddenly twisting into an expression of annoyed disbelief as Robin raises his eyebrows knowingly. “Really?” he deadpans. “Now that’s just mean. Childish, even, taunting a man like that.”

“I’m serious!” Robin protests. “She absolutely, one-hundred-percent has a thing for you. If you want to get truly childish, really embrace this middle-school mentality you’re accusing me of,” he smirks, “then I’d say she likes you. Likes likes you. Please, trust the man shut into a woefully small space with her every day on this one.”

Still, Killian scoffs. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ve seen absolutely no proof of that.”

“Yes, well, you’re not the one witnessing the banter and the little blushing smiles and the way she stares at your arse in that costume. Seriously, mate, it’s almost nauseating. Not quite as bad as Nolan and Blanchard, but…” he trails off, his point clear.

“She never said anything!” Killian weakly protests. Like that’s a thing people actually do - walk up and tell the object of their affections how they feel.

“Yes, well, that would require Emma actually being willing to admit to herself that she fancies you, and that’s proven to be a stretch too far,” Robin parries, voice dry but sage, before softening. “Look, if you want my advice, don’t give up on her yet. I know from experience - the best ones will lead you on a merry chase,” he tells Killian somewhat wistfully. Killian almost cracks a jab about the other man’s own enamorment of Regina Mills, but restrains himself upon seeing the melancholy-tinged reminiscence gracing Robin’s face, instead waiting for the man to reveal his train of thought in his own time.

Shortly, Robin seems to remember Killian’s presence, smiling sheepishly. “My wife - Marian, her name was - was an opera singer, part of the chorus at the Met, back when I was just some young upstart, full of confidence and no real chance to prove it yet. It was love at first sight on my part, as cliche as that sounds, and she had approximately no time or patience for me, some young puppy following at her heels,” he laughs, eyes crinkling in a way that Killian knows is caused by warm memories. “But whether out of hope or determination or pure obliviousness, I held out hope, and look what it got me. Five of the happiest years of my life and a wonderful son.” He smiles, face flooded with the look of a truly content man. “Look, you have to do whatever is best for you, I understand and support that one hundred percent. I just want to encourage you not to throw in the towel just yet - not while I still think there’s hope.”

The words are comforting, and even if Killian was feeling somewhat despondent just minutes before, he’s suddenly reinvigorated with a new sense of just what Robin urged him to have - hope. “Thank you,” he replies softly, a small smile starting to form on his face. “That’s, uh…” he pauses, not sure how to continue, how to express the bolstering impact Robin’s had with his words, and settles for simple gratitude instead. “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Robin smiles back, offering a comforting and companionable pat on the shoulder before turning back to the task at hand. “Now, let me show you again exactly where the spot is gonna hit, even if you really ought to know this by now, and I’ll have you go mark it, okay?”

———

She should have known she wouldn’t be able to avoid all interactions forever, or at least not those with Mary Margaret. Emma could swear the petite brunette has magic, what with the way she always seems to appear just when Emma is hoping to avoid her. Who knows, maybe the name of that pixie cut denotes more than just a style, and is instead a hint that Mary Margaret is actually a devious fairy. Stranger things have happened, surely.

Regardless of whether or not Mary Margaret possesses magical teleportation powers, that doesn’t change the fact that she eventually catches up to Emma, her face displaying that awful combination of half hurt and half disappointment usually only displayed by parents (or so Emma’s heard).

“Are we ever going to talk about the Christmas party?” she asks in a tone that suggests she thinks it’s been more than long enough of a wait.

“Not if I can help it,” Emma mumbles back under her breath, but Mary Margaret’s keen ears catch the words all the same.

“Emma, you can’t run from this conversation forever,” she scolds. “I know you don’t want to rehash it, but I really think you’ll feel better once you do. It’ll let you stop lingering on it.”

“I’m not lingering on anything,” Emma argues. “Henry’s home again, so everything’s fine. And, not to gloat or anything, but he didn’t have nearly as much fun as he expected. I’m still my kid’s favorite, all’s right with the world, no need to talk through whatever last Wednesday was. I’m good, really.”

Mary Margaret stares back skeptically, that disapproving frown still dominating her face. “Really, you’re good?” she demands. “You sure you’re not lingering? Because avoiding — ” she interrupts herself to peer around, seemingly checking that no one is listening — “avoiding Killian doesn’t seem like something a person who’s completely past the matter would do.”

“I’m not avoiding Killian,” Emma insists stubbornly. “I can’t help if we haven’t run into each other this week. It happens.”

“Oh, please,” Mary Margaret shoots back. “I’m optimistic, not stupid. You’ve practically run in the other direction whenever you see him coming. It’s a damn good thing there haven’t been any major issues you were both involved in the past few days, or God only knows how that would have been resolved.”

Well, she’s got Emma there. “So what if I am? Seems like that’s my business. What does it matter to you?”

“I just want you to be happy, Emma,” Mary Margaret wheedles in that way of hers. The pure cloying sentiment of her words and intent nearly make Emma gag. “And this hasn’t been a happy week for you. I can only imagine this self-imposed separation from Killian - usually one of your greatest supporters - is part of that. What happened?” She gasps suddenly. “Oh god, he didn’t do anything before I picked you up, did he?”

“No, no, God no,” Emma rushes to reassure.

“What then? I can’t understand it.”

“Look, I’m embarrassed, ok?” Emma snaps. “I was not at my best that night, and I don’t really want to face what Jones - one of my coworkers - thinks of me after that display, pity or disgust or whatever else. I don’t want to deal with it, so I haven’t.”

There’s an unexpected snort from behind the women, and Emma whirls to see Regina, standing there looking deeply amused. “You’re aware that Jones thinks the sun shines out of your ass, right?”

Mary Margaret gasps next to Emma, though it’s more likely that she’s less shocked over Regina’s presence than about her use of language. Figures.

“I wasn’t eavesdropping,” Regina clarifies somewhat haughtily, “it’s just that neither of you are particularly good at watching your volume. But I say again: you do know that Jones thinks you personally are responsible for the sun coming up each morning? Thinks you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread? That you hung the stars? Etcetera, etcetera, must I continue?”

“She’s got a point, Emma,” Mary Margaret contributes, her tone vaguely apologetic.

Regina smiles smugly at that, before continuing. “Look, I’m just saying, I don’t think there’s much that would change his mind, and that probably includes whatever you did the other night that you’re so embarrassed about. Did you hit him?”

“No,” Emma replies, rolling her eyes.

“Insult his mother?”

“No.”

“Run down the street buck-ass naked declaring your allegiance to some space alien dictatorship?”

“Christ Almighty, no!” God, where did Regina even come up with that?

“Ok, then I’m sure he doesn’t blame you for anything. And anyone with two eyes can see that you don’t need or want pity, which is pretty effective at keeping it away. So what are you worrying about?” Her tone softens somewhat at the stubborn set of Emma’s jaw (a stubborn expression that hides her insecurity about the whole matter, but Regina doesn’t need to know that). “Look, you can do whatever you want, Miss Swan. Lord knows we certainly can’t stop you,” she declares with a knowing look to Mary Margaret, “but what I can tell you - and I’m sure Miss Blanchard can as well - Jones has seemed sad and confused and even hurt ever since you began your little avoidance game. The way I see it, you’re protecting yourself from something that isn’t going to happen anyways, and we’re all witnessing the fallout. If you don’t want anything to do with Jones, that’s fine, that’s your prerogative, but you can’t keep up this ridiculous ducking around corners and speaking through the ASMs. Let it go on long enough, and it’s going to undermine your power - which I’m sure is the last thing you want.”

Emma hadn’t thought of it like that, far too caught up in her immediate mortification to truly think through its consequences. Hell, the entire reason she gave for turning Killian down in the first place was fear of a relationship affecting things at work; according to Regina, Emma’s brought exactly what she feared to come to pass, without even the benefit of a relationship as an excuse. Fan-fucking-tastic. She groans in realization.

“Yes, I think that about sums it up,” Regina comments drily. Emma shoots her a glare in response - entirely warranted, in her opinion, especially since Regina’s opinion is so unasked for.

“We don’t want to guilt you, Emma,” Mary Margaret puts in more gently, shooting her own look in Regina’s direction as the latter sounds a dissenting hum. “Like I said: we just want you to be happy, and this? This isn’t making you - or Killian, for that matter - happy.”

(Emma think that statement is effectively the same thing as guilting her, but she doesn’t have the energy right now to argue that.)

“Look, I’ll think about everything you both said. Happy?” Even if Mary Margaret and Regina are correct, Emma’s not really in the mood to admit it right now.

Mary Margaret nods, though the movement seems reluctant. It’s the best she’s going to get right now, though, so she’ll have to be happy with it. “But about the thing with Neal and Henry - ”

“Honestly, I haven’t even thought about that since Henry returned. Funny how that solved the issue. Really, Mary Margaret, can we just drop it? I’ll admit to ‘lingering’ or whatever, but honestly, the Henry and Neal thing that started it all has been the furthest thing from my mind. Which means no need to to talk about it or… whatever.”

“If you’re sure…” Mary Margaret finally agrees hesitantly.

“God, yes, I’m sure. It’s my one real dream to drop this. Please. Immediately. Like, yesterday.” That, at least, draws a laugh out of even Regina, Mary Margaret shaking her head with affection. “Now, I think we all have things to do or places we’d rather be, so can we, you know, get to it instead of standing around doing whatever this is?”

By some miracle, both women comply, even if Mary Margaret is hesitant. Eventually, Emma will probably appreciate the conversation they’ve all just suffered through, but for now, she just wants to be alone.

After all, she’s got an awful lot to think about.

———

In the end, things go back to normal out of Emma’s own volition - no more pestering friends and, unlike last time, no need for Killian to come convince her. The insecure part of Emma whispers that the fact that he wasn’t fighting for her and their… whatever dynamic this time is a sign that his affections have changed, that he’s no longer interested in her in any way, romantic or otherwise, but his near-palpable relief when Emma breaks her silence to ask him if he’s seen Belle dispels that notion.

“Missed you, Swan!” he calls with a wink (well, his facsimile of a wink) as she wanders off in the indicated direction.

(And if she blushes at the return of his casual affection, well, that’s her business - as is the acknowledgement that she maybe missed him too.)

[emperor-nasch]

i guess, since it’s new year’s eve, i should do my annual omg i love you guys so much post...it’s gotten smaller every year, but there’s still some consistent names on here that, frankly, actually do deserve a shoutout because i don’t do it enough and you guys should feel loved

@kalteumgebung out of everybody here i’ve definitely known you the longest, and i’m actually really happy we still talk! seeing you at acen (first time we’ve actually spoken irl in like 7 years too!) was one of the highlights of the weekend. we’ve both been through some shit in our lives but dang it, we’re gonna conquer our troubles!!! and i hope this year is easier on you, because you deserve a break.

@breakdawn-avenue because you’ve been a consistent part of my life on here, because you care about me and tag me in things (which means a lot to me), and because you make an effort to talk despite living a very, very long distance from me.

@whatacartouchebag you came back this year and i was so excited i almost couldn’t stand it!! i’d thought you’d left for good after not hearing from you for a few years. i’ve always loved having you on here, and i’m so very happy you’re back, because i’ve missed you greatly!

@lesbianmaikujaku because you’ve stuck around despite there being many reasons why you didn’t have to. you’ve been supportive and understanding throughout a lot of the shit my life has brought me, and i appreciate that

@arcadecryptid because meeting you for the first time at acen was rad and also because you’re really rad too

@sailoranime because you thought about me (the bumper stickers at acen) and because i’ve just always looked up to you. you’re super talented and i’m always impressed by your cosplays! (and i even have a few favorites you’ve done!)

this year has been...well, it certainly hasn’t been as bad as year’s past. although, i think there was a definitive “bad” part of 2018, and that wasn’t until the last 3 months - but i digress, good stuff first

for one, i’m finally done with the “coursework” part of my program. in itself, it’s a huge relief, even though i still have multiple tests to take before i’m done for good, not to mention an entire year’s worth of internships to finish before i graduate. despite that, i’m a year away from being done with college, and that’s something i never thought i’d ever accomplish

i also continued to move forward and work towards letting go of trauma, of the lasting effects from the abuse i endured two years ago - needless to say, i’m still here, still enjoying the things he tried to take from me, and still happy (for the most part). i won’t do what i did last year about this time and scroll his blog (because seriously, past self, what the fuck). no, instead that piece of human waste won’t be in my thoughts this new years, or hopefully ever again. i’m better than letting somebody who tried to ruin my life continue to ruin it after i’ve removed them. no, this year i’m going to be different. my life is becoming more and more important as time moves forward, and it’s about time i begin realizing it

and i managed to go to acen a second time after the aforementioned abusive fallout - once again proving to myself that i am above him, and that he is not in charge of my life anymore. however, it was somewhat uneventful and stupidly dramatic (save for the encounters with sailoranime, lesbianmaikujaku, arcadecryptid, and kalteumgebung because seeing you guys there was rad as heck) and i got to show off sayaka for the first time, which was also really rad because i love her

however, that definitive bad part of 2018 i mentioned earlier...it could be so much worse, i know, but having to end the life of my dear Burly, after what ended up to be a few months shy of 20 years with him...that was the absolute worst day of my life, and the absolute worst day of this year, hands down. my heart has ached since that day in october, and i am far, far from being over it yet. that day was literal hell on earth, and for the weeks following, i couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. for me, the world had ended and there was nothing that was going to make me okay again.

it’s been a little over two months since, and i’m doing better. there’s definitely a void in my life, still, but the other two cats have done well at filling it, or at least patching it up for the time being. i still miss him, dearly, but i feel blessed to have had the chance of nearly 20 incredible years with him - not everybody can say they had a cat for that long.

i don’t know what the hell 2019 has in store for me...and i probably don’t want to know right now...but i suppose if i’ve made it this far, i can do it again.

happy 2019 y’all

[malecsecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @mirrorofliterature!

Hey there! I hope you are enjoying the holidays so far. When I first contacted you about your present, you told me that you like angsty fics as long as they have a happy ending - so that’s what I tried to come up with (although I’m not really good at writing angst, so bear with me, haha). Here’s around 4k words of Magnus struggling to deal with the fallout of his magic, Alec being the best boyfriend ever, some fluff and two Coldplay quotes because their music was my constant companion while writing this fic. I hope you’ll like it! Happy holidays and have an amazing 2019! <3

Read on AO3

*****

Lights Will Guide You Home

When you lose something you can't replace when you love someone but it goes to waste could it be worse?

Mornings were the easiest to handle. Those first few precious minutes of the day, when Magnus was almost awake, yet still too deep under to be considered a functioning member of society. When everything was a fuzzy blur, somewhere in between sleep and reality, when his eyes were still closed and all he could feel was the soft blanked wrapped around himself and the warmth of Alec's sleeping form resting next to him.

Magnus adored those fleeting few seconds. For one, because they were a little moment of quiet before the craziness of the day really started. They were also incredibly precious. Because as soon as Magnus broke through the warm, comfortable haze of having just woken up, he started to remember. And with the memories came the pain.

For the first couple of days after they had brought Jace back it hadn't been that bad. Magnus had barely had time to concentrate on the loss of his magic, had been way too focused on everything else that had been going on. There had been so much to do. Jace had had to settle back into his old life, now finally free of Lilith. Alec had had to get back on track after having his arm broken, which had been more difficult than they'd expected since Alec hadn't healed as quickly as he used to without the help of Magnus' magic. Catarina had done her best to fix his broken wrist and take care of the arrow wound in his chest, but even though she was a powerful warlock, her healing powers didn’t quite measure up to what Magnus was capable of.

Had been capable of.

There it was. That slight sting in his heart that being utterly unhelpful brought with it. The way his chest tightened whenever he was reminded of one of the many things he wasn't able to do anymore. The distant, yet no less persistent bitterness constantly reminding him of what he'd lost.

It had been weeks since he'd lost his magic and if Magnus was being quite honest with himself, then every single day was a struggle. Alec and him hadn't talked about what had happened. Not really. It wasn't that Alec hadn't tried to talk to him about it – he had, multiple times even. The problem was that Magnus didn't want to talk about it.

He couldn't. Because he didn't know what to say.

Magnus had gone through his fair share of rough patches in his many years on earth. From his troubled childhood in Indonesia to the years with Asmodeus to every single time he'd lost a dear friend or lover to the cruel grasp of time, illness or injury. Sometimes, he'd gotten through those phases through talking, sometimes by drinking himself into oblivion, sometimes by throwing himself into some reckless adventure. He'd tried to outrun heartbreak so often that he'd become an expert at it.  

But this, losing his magic, losing such an integral part of him, was different. It didn't hurt like a broken heart did. He just felt empty. Ever since that first night, when he had snapped his fingers out of habit to switch off the lights in their bedroom and felt that cold emptiness wrap around him like a heavy weight at the realization that he was unable to, he'd never been able to shake the odd feeling of something missing. And he couldn't get used to it either.

Magnus sighed and tried to ignore the bitterness rising in his chest, a familiar feeling these days. Of course he hadn't been able to get used to it. How could he, when everything in his life, in his very apartment constantly reminded him of what he had been able to do, who he had been?

Magnus let his eyes drift through the room, which despite its intricate décor felt different these days. The colors seemed less vibrant, the gold details dull – hell, the entire apartment wasn't the same without his magic thrumming in every fiber of it. His gaze eventually landed on Alec, who was still sound asleep next to him. With Magnus as his main source of warmth gone, the Shadowhunter had now shifted and was lying on his stomach, most of his face hidden in the pillow.   Magnus reached over and adjusted the blanket, fingers brushing over sleep-warm skin.

If only he could sleep as well as Alec these days.  

Pushing his covers and bitter thoughts aside, Magnus got up and padded towards the kitchen, getting on with his first mission of the day: making coffee.

+++

As Magnus learned only a short while later, it would have been a better idea to stay in bed altogether. Or just skip the day altogether. Because from the moment he'd woken up, that day seemed to have decided to show him how utterly terrible life could be.

It started out somewhat innocently, with the floor heating in their kitchen not working yet again. This wasn't exactly new, Magnus' apartment building was quite old and incidents like that happened from time to time. Up until a few weeks ago, he would have fixed it with a snap of his fingers, but given his current situation, he had to resort to more mundane means. Quite literally, since Catarina was out of town and Magnus didn't have many allies left in the warlock community after the fight with Lorenzo and his dismissal as High Warlock.

That news had spread fast. But the news of the great Magnus Bane giving up is magic for his Shadowhunter boyfriend's parabatai had spread like a raging wildfire. Magnus was always up for the latest rumors and gossip from the Downworld, but he definitely didn't need to hear them when they were about him. He did his best to not let them get to him, but crossing paths with former fellow warlocks on the street and suffering through forced small talk - or even worse, them trying to hide their pity - was wearing down on him.

He felt miserable. And he was tired of it.  

Which was probably the reason why he didn't lash out on the young, unexperienced warlock who knocked on his front door later in the day and asked for advice, but just tiredly asked him to contact the current High Warlock about it. And it was also the reason why he didn't say anything when the mundane heating engineer he'd called earlier that day stopped by in the late afternoon to fix their floor heating and left mud stains on Magnus' expensive light beige living room carpet, he just waved off his apology and saw him out.

He even managed to get through a video call with Catarina and Madzie, who were at a warlock conference in South Africa, and smile at Madzie when she showed him the latest magical tricks she had learned. He praised and cheered with her when she showed him that she had already mastered the first steps of a spell that should be rather complicated for someone so young.  Although watching her do the things he had taught her just a few weeks ago but now was no longer able to do hurt more than the rest of that day's struggles combined.

Magnus could have been above it. Could have filed that day as a particularly miserable one and gone on with life. He would have done it, if only life hadn't decided to stab him in the back one more time that evening.

He was just about to settle with a pot of green tea into the living room and try to relax a little to end the day on a somewhat high note when his foot got caught on the doorstep, he tripped, reached for the doorjamb to regain his balance – and dropped the teapot in the process. The second it crashed to the floor, it burst into dozens of shards, the tea splattering over both the kitchen tiles and the wooden living room floor.  

Great.

If Magnus had had access to his magic in that moment, he was pretty sure it would have been bright red with anger. He'd never felt more like lashing out with his magic, red sparks and minor damage to his apartment included. Instead, all he could do was stand there, breathing in and out and trying his best to push the anger away.

And of course that was the moment that Alec came home.

Magnus heard Alec throwing his keys into the bowl by the door and noticed his familiar steps across the carpet, but didn't react to him until Alec was standing right in front of him, taking in the mess that the teapot had left behind.

"Careful, you don't have shoes on. Let me help you with that."

Instead of replying, Magnus raised a hand, making Alec stop dead in his efforts. His eyes were closed, he was breathing heavily and he could feel the past few weeks' anger and disappointment seething in his chest, burning his insides on their inevitable way to the surface.

"Don't. Just…just leave it. I'll take care of this later" he heaved out, voice pressed. He turned around, blood rushing in his veins and thoughts rushing with them. He was about to dash off towards their bedroom so he wouldn't lash out on Alec, when a firm grip on his arm stopped him.

"Magnus, wait."  

"It's fine, Alexander."

Alec's voice was soft, yet decisive when he replied. "No. It's not and it hasn't been for weeks now." He stepped in front of Magnus so he could look him in the eye. His other hand rested on the side of Magnus' face, thumb softly brushing over his skin, providing the warmth and comfort Magnus was so desperately lacking these days.

"I know you're hurting, Magnus. Even though you pretend you're not," Alec said, his voice a lot gentler now. "I know it hasn't been an easy situation for you and I guess I might not be the right person to talk to since I have no idea what it feels like to lose your magic like that, but…I just want you to know that I'm here. If you need someone to listen."  

Despite his heavy heart and the melancholy and grief that wouldn't let him out of its iron grip, Magnus felt his shoulders relax and his emotions calm down a little. He stepped closer to Alec, wrapped his arms around his waist and buried his in Alec's sweater, breathing in the familiar scent of detergent and Alec's shower gel, enjoying the familiar feeling of Alec holding him and the way it never failed to calm him down. Magnus' tone was low when he replied, almost hesitant but no less honest. "Alexander, you are the only person I would ever want to talk to."

Beneath his ear, Alec's chest heaved with a sigh of relief. Alec's arms that had just gently been holding on to him, as if he wasn't sure whether or not his affection was welcome in that moment, tightened into a warm embrace.

"You miss your magic a lot more than you're willing to admit, hm?"

Magnus took in a shaky breath and hugged Alec tighter. "Yeah."

They stood there for a while, not talking at all, the only sound in the room being the soft tunes playing from the stereo in the corner and Magnus' ragged breathing.

When he eventually spoke again, his voice was barely above a murmur, its tone defeated. "It's just so hard, you know."

Alec's embrace only tightened even more, wrapping up in the gentle comfort that only Alec seemed to be able to give him. "I know."

With a deep breath, Magnus pulled away and hesitantly looked at Alec. Taking another breath, he braced himself for what was to come. "Then let's talk."

+++

Sharing how he felt about the loss of his magic wasn't easy. Actually, it was even more difficult than Magnus had anticipated it to be. The past few weeks he had pushed his anger and sadness aside, locked it away so he wouldn't constantly be reminded of what he'd lost. But sitting on his living room couch, one of his hands in Alec's while he remembered everything that he had so carefully pushed away for weeks hurt. Magnus knew that he could trust Alec with his life, and yet it still took everything out of him to let the Shadowhunter in on how he was feeling.

But Alec had never disappointed him in a precarious situation like this and neither did he this time. He didn't say much, just let Magnus ramble, but his posture, expression and the soft look in his eyes signaled Magnus in that very unique Alec way that his attention was completely on Magnus and Magnus only. It was one of the qualities Magnus loved most about Alec – whatever he did, he did with his whole hart. Even if it was dealing with his boyfriend's lousy heartache mood.

Later that evening, when they were already in bed and Magnus was cuddled up in Alec's arms and had long passed out, exhausted from letting himself be vulnerable and even more exhausted from pretending the opposite for so long, an idea came to Alec's mind. With a soft smirk, he reached over to switch off the lights, the idea already turning into a plan as Alec drifted off to sleep.

+++

Magnus slept well into the next morning. The previous day had taken its toll on him, especially the talk with Alec, and left him exhausted. He hadn't dreamt at all that night, which was unusual, but woke up the most well-rested he had in months, which was even more unusual.

However, the most unusual thing was that the bed beside him wasn't empty. When Magnus had gathered his senses enough to open his eyes, Alec was laying on his side, one arm serving as a pillow for his head, the other reached out to brush a stray strand of hair out of Magnus' face.

"Morning". Alec's voice was soft when he spoke and definitely too little grumbly for him to have just woken up. That in combination with the fact that Alec had slept in on a weekday made Magnus even more suspicious, but given that Alec looked so very adorable in this disheveled look, he didn't really care.

"Good morning, Alexander," Magnus replied, his own voice heavy with sleep. He let out a yawn and then looked at Alec again, who was still smiling softly at him. "Shouldn't you be at the Institute? I believe that your office start quite some time before –" he said and paused to crane his neck so he could look at the alarm clock on Alec's nightstand, "ten thirty in the morning."

Alec chuckled. "I took the day off. They can deal without me for 24 hours."

"You sure about that?"

"Well they'll have to. I already made breakfast."

Magnus chuckled. "So that's the reason for the slightly Edom-esque smell in here."

"That and the fact that I may have left the first pancake in the pan for a little too long," Alec admitted. He dropped a peck on Magnus' cheek and then rolled out of bed. "You stay put, I'm gonna go get the food."

"Don't you worry, Shadowhunter. I'm not going anywhere."

As heavy and emotional the previous evening had been for both of them, their shared breakfast in bed made more than up for it. As opposed to their talk the previous night the atmosphere was now lighter and more relaxed, without a hint at how difficult the day before had been for Magnus. He was so busy laughing, chatting (and kissing) Alec that he almost forgot his little crisis had happened at all. But that was the point – almost. As soon as Magnus spilled some of his coffee onto the sheets, automatically snapped his fingers to magic it away and nothing happened, the feeling from earlier was back again, pushing onto his shoulders like a heavy weight and making his entire chest tighten so much that he felt like he couldn't breathe.

This time, however, he wasn't all by himself.

As soon as Magnus tensed up, Alec was there, softly rubbing his back and murmuring soft encouragements until Magnus' shoulders relaxed and his breathing evened out a little.

"I'm sorry," Magnus muttered, fingers nervously playing with the now coffee-stained blanket thrown over their feet.

Alec shook his head. "Hey, don't be sorry for something that's not your fault. We talked about this yesterday. I'm here. Every step of the way, remember?"

Magnus sighed. "I know. Thank you."

Alec looked at him for a second with a stern gaze, as if he was making sure that Magnus really was better, then smiled softly at him and leaned in for a soft kiss. "Anytime. Now – we need to get up, I have plans for us today."

Magnus frowned, somewhat hesitant but also very much intrigued. "Plans, you say? Any chance you're going to let me in on what kind of plans those are?"

The Shadowhunter grinned at him, impossibly smug. "Nope. But I can tell you that they're plans that involve us getting out of bed and leaving the apartment, so let's get going!"

+++

Alec did not disappoint. Once they had finally made it out of the apartment (Magnus not having access to his magic did not mean that he wasn't going to dress to impress when he was leaving the apartment, thank you very much), he took Magnus to their favorite coffee shop where they grabbed some coffee to go (or "sugar in a paper cup" as Alec liked to call Magnus' – admittedly insanely sweet – drink of choice).  

When they were standing on the sidewalk in front of the shop, drinks in hand, Magnus took a sip of his coffee and looked at Alec. "So now what?"

"Now, I am taking you out on a date"

Magnus raised his eyebrows and then laughed softly. "A date? You do realize it's just past noon, right?"

Alec just smirked and shrugged. "Yep. A date. Just because it's early afternoon doesn't mean I can't take out my gorgeous boyfriend."

"Flattery is going to get you everywhere, my dear," Magnus said, stepping closer to Alec so he could kiss him gently.

Magnus and Alec spent the rest of the day positively all across town. Magnus had been living in New York for decades, but with his former tendency to portal wherever he wanted to go, he had never explored the city the "mundane" way (except for its many bars and nightclubs, those he all knew by heart). Alec, however, had been navigating the city like a mundane for most of his life and knew it like the back of his hand. After spending a few hours at an art gallery which featured some of the artists Magnus had known personally, Alec showed Magnus some of his favorite hidden spots throughout the city. Some of them he had found while chasing after a particularly annoying demon, others just completely by accident while he'd been on a walk to clear his head. All of them were positively gorgeous and the perfect hideaway from the busy, crowded everyday New York life and something so very Alec that Magnus felt his heart flutter with affection.

They even played tourist for a bit and went to see the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center, which Magnus had to admit did look beautiful with its lights and decorations and the ice rink in front of it. Of course, they had to take a few hideously adorable pictures and send them to Izzy and Catarina, which earned them snarky remarks but also quite the amount of heart eyes emojis in return. When Magnus suggested trying a few rounds on the ice, Alec sent him a glare that he usually reserved for when people were seriously annoying him at the Institute, but eventually agreed – which led to some of the worst laughing fits Magnus had ever experienced.

He also learned that having all kinds of runes didn't exactly help much when somebody was just a hopeless disaster on the ice. Magnus was tempted to record Alec's first few laps on the ice, the careful steps he took reminding him a lot of a baby trying to walk (including the falling on their butt part – multiple times). But at some point, Alec's military upbringing and endless determination kicked in. He took a break to study Magnus for a little bit and after watching him speed and twirl across the ice for a while, he came back, trying again. With a little help from Magnus and his hand to hold on to, they managed to skate together, fingers intertwined and tiny snowflakes falling around them. Alec took his gaze off the slippery surface in front of him and gazed over to Magnus. His heartbeat quickened at the sight and he felt relief flood through his body – Magnus was beaming, his cheeks were flushed from the cold and his gaze, often cold, distant and dull over the past few weeks, was now warm and shining with glee.

Alec smiled back at him, happy to see the man he loved in better spirits again. When they slowed down, Alec pulled Magnus to a stop and slung his arms around Magnus' waist, pulling him close.

Magnus chuckled. "Already getting tired, Alexander?"

"No. Just enjoying the view."

When they kissed a moment later, their lips were cold, but the way both of their hearts were thrumming inside their chests was enough to keep the both of them warm.

+++

By the time they got back to the loft, they were both way too cold to function. They had walked the last bit of the way home and even though the streets had looked beautiful with the many Christmas decorations and fairly lights adorning many windows, they were glad that they were back.

Magnus had excused himself to the kitchen right after they'd come home and when he came back into the living room, a steaming mug of hot chocolate in each hand (one of them spiked with rum, obviously), he was welcomed by the most adorable sight. Alec had already made himself comfortable on the couch – quite literally. Leaning back into a mountain of pillows, he had one of their warmest, fluffiest blankets thrown over his legs, the sight of him the epitome of coziness. When Magnus approached him and carefully put the mugs down onto the coffee table, Alec lifted the blanket and let Magnus settle against his chest, then covered both of their feet with the blanket again.   

Hot chocolates completely forgotten, Magnus rested his head on Alec's chest, the soft rise and fall of his boyfriend's breathing soothing him. He started fiddling with the leather wristband he had brought Alec from a trip to Europe. The leather was already beginning to get worn and the colors were fading a little, but Alec had not taken it off since the day Magnus had given it to him and refused to let him replace it. Now, it served as a perfect distraction while Magnus was trying to find the right words for what he wanted to say.

In the end, he settled for just saying what he felt, because if their relationship had always been characterized by one thing, it was honesty. "I meant to thank you for today, Alexander."

Alec smiled and dropped a kiss onto Magnus' head. "No big deal. We have so little time to go out on a nice date, the least I could do was put in some effort when I got the chance."

Magnus smiled softly. "We both know this wasn't just about taking me out today."

Alec chuckled. "Not exactly."

Magnus shifted so he could look at Alec. "I know it wasn't.  And that's why I appreciate it so much. I know I haven't exactly been the easiest company these past few weeks, but I do appreciate everything you have done for me recently. Even though I may not have shown it."

"Magnus, you have every right to be not quite yourself right now. I can't even imagine what this entire situation must feel like to you. I just wanted to – I don't know, show you how much life as a mundane has to offer, I guess. Show you that even though it's not what you're used to, it can have beautiful sides."

Even after months of dating, Alec's blunt honesty sometimes still managed to catch Magnus off guard.

"Anytime. We're going to get through this together, alright? Whatever happens. You and me."

And as much as he was hurting, as bleak as the perspective of facing a life without his magic sounded - in that moment, resting comfortably in their living room, fairy lights and candles tinting the room into a soft yellow glow, Magnus knew that Alec was right.

Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and I will try to fix you

[the-wonder-duo]

Random Ass Update #3

This one is dedicated to all you shits that can’t read. 

A tsunami rocked the West coast. In light of the ongoing investigation into InvisaInk’s death, we decided that it’d be best if Deku went alone to aid with recovery efforts. 

Thousands died. Recovery efforts are still ongoing.

 If you’ve got the means, you oughta donate to the Japan Relief and Recovery Fund. 

I stayed in the East. 

Answered some shit questions between patrols. Told you fucks about Deku’s questionable taste in music. 

PSA: I’m better than Deku at everything. 

Deku kept in touch while he was in the Nagano through audio logs and holocalls. 

There were sightings of someone that might’ve looked like me. At the time, I dismissed it as bullshit. 

Explosions rocked the streets of Hosu. The cause was not determined. 

Get your conspiracy theory asses off my blog. 

I was arrested after an attack in Hosu; Okane Trust & Banking Company had been robbed in an explosive attack. 

The Hero Police Force  released a statement revealed that on-site video surveillance captured footage of me at the scene, though the security system experienced technical difficulties only moments later. 

Sweat and hair analysis also placed me at the scene. 

Deku came back— even though I told him to stay in the East. Even though he was supposed to stick to the West to help tsunami victims. 

There were protests. I guess some of you lot aren’t complete dickheads, after all. 

Thanks. 

I was drugged with Quirk suppressants. Standard procedure for those that’re being detained. 

My body didn’t react that well to ‘em. 

Footage of the bank robbery was leaked.

Deku compiled evidence to prove that I was innocent. 

When presenting his argument to the detectives who were in charge of the investigation, Deku was dismissed without any consideration. 

Asshole discovered that I was gonna be transferred to a maximum security prison even though I hadn’t even been arrested in any official capacity. Hadn’t even been charged of any crimes. 

Idiot broke me out of jail. 

Words don’t even begin to express what I felt. 

That idiot has so much going for him, you know? Wouldn’t have partnered up with him if he weren’t a damn good hero. He lives to help others. Dunno if he could live without it. 

And that could’ve been the end of it. Right there. 

He would’ve given it up. Thrown it all away. 

For me. 

You’re an idiot, Deku. 

We were pursued by Pros and police, but we managed to make it to the sewers. Since we’d spent weeks combing through them, we knew them pretty well. 

Took refuge in an undocumented Quirk shelter. 

Deku’d scheduled a leak of information to be posted onto the blog before he’d left. To tell everyone that he could of what had really happened, and to show why I wasn’t guilty of the crimes that I’d been accused of. 

Here’s the gist of what he wrote: 

I’m sure that the people who were responsible for kidnapping Kacchan are those who are responsible for InvisaInk, and do not say that without backing. The proof is in the visual evidence that has already been uploaded online by multiple sources; I suspect that the footage that was sent to me last night will be uploaded before long, as well. 

Most would say that those leaked stills that show an apparent Kacchan robbing a bank appear to be wrong, somehow. And those conclusions would be correct. 

There’s the obvious— the haircut, for one, which doesn’t at all match was Kacchan is currently sporting —but then there’s the more subtle (for those who don’t know Kacchan as well as I do, anyways). 

The imposter in the video is a mirror image of the actual Bakugou Katsuki.

 Upon reviewing some of the footage taken by crowd’s phones that day in the park— the day the fake InvisaInk confronted the both of us—I can see now that that InvisaInk was a mirror image of the actual InvisaInk, as well; for those that want obvious proof, I suggest slowing the video down to a fourth of it’s usual speed and pausing as InvisaInk lifts his gun to Kacchan’s head— you can see the visible outline of InvisaInk’s tattoo as his shirt sleeves rides up— on his left arm. 

The actual InvisaInk’s tattoo was located on his right arm. 

A closer examination of each of their features has further proved that this person is, in fact, able to create mirror images of their target— given what they’ve known to have taken from both Kacchan and InvisaInk, I can only infer that they use bone marrow to supply this transformation with the aid of their Quirk. 

This also shows why the YouTube video uploaded of the fake InvisaInk’s spiel had actually seemed to be right for both Kacchan and I— before the video had been uploaded, the murderers had actually edited and flipped the footage, so that the person being displayed was on the correct side again.

 And yes, I did say murderers— because I believe this to be the work of not just one person, but at least two. Further inspection of the sight of the bank blast and an analysis of the explosion has proven that yes, while Kacchan’s actual sweat had ignited the ensuring explosion, it had blown the wall upon from inside the bank— he hadn’t entered from the outside, as witnesses and the footage depict of the alleged “Ground Zero.” 

I have come to the conclusion that the second accomplice is one that harvests body parts in order to gain use of that target’s Quirk; for InvisaInk, the murderers harvested his skin, and for Kacchan— his hands. 

The same hands that were taken from him months ago. During his kidnapping— which had been so similar to that of InvisaInk’s. 

Chillingly, a closer look at footage captured at the Charity Smash event depicts a person that looks eerily similar to InvisaInk— with the exception of his height, his hair, and his features. In fact, his skin seems to be the only startling match— a comparison shows that the freckles on this man’s face exactly match those of InvisaInk’s. 

‘Course it wasn’t me. 

I’d never pull a stunt like that. 

I’m a goddamn hero. 

Anyways, some numbskull who’d just been released from their own interrogation actually managed to snap a pic of Deku breaking me out of there. 

Didn’t cower in the sewers, though. 

We found the fuckers that were responsible for what had happened. 

Had some help from another Pro Hero, Earphone Jack. 

Deku kept more of a level head than I did, admittedly. 

I dunno. I guess it was harder than I ever would’ve imagined it’d be. Keeping my cool. When the sick bastards that skinned InvisaInk alive were right in front of me. 

Chased ‘em to a crowded street, police got involved, caught the murderers, and gave ourselves up.

Seems like they might’ve been two of Backlash’s lackeys, but in all goddamn honesty, they seem like a pair of those Anti-Quirk Liberation League nutjob extremists. ‘Least, they seem that way to me. 

Toga Akane was one of ‘em. Sister of Toga Himiko, who gained some fame from working as member of the League of Villains some years back. 

She’s in possession of a Quirk that allows her to become a mirror image of anyone who’s bone marrow she consumes. 

Claims she hates her sister. That people like her are the scum of the Earth. That people like herself are scum of the Earth. That people like them ought not to exist, and that their actions— and more importantly, their Quirks —are proof of that. 

Says that she did it for the greater good. Part of a way of showing once and for all that Quirks ought to be eliminated— part of a way to show us all how they ruin lives. 

The Anti-Quirk Liberation League won’t claim her. Say that they don’t associate themselves with common criminals, and that they’re horrified and repulsed by her actions. 

Last I heard, she’s attempted suicide at least twice since the beginning of her imprisonment.

The other murderer was Hada Dorobō. Possessed an undocumented Quirk that snatches the abilities of other Quirks through imbibing body parts conducive to the utilization of other Quirks. 

Appears that the sick bastard can only snatch one Quirk at a time; if he tries to take on another, the body part that he stole rots off of him. 

Deku and I were released after Lead Detective Naomasa discovered that the secretary to the Senior Commissioner had been, essentially, brainwashing most of the force via email. Had a Quirk that affected perception through written word. 

It’s been confirmed that the Senior Commissioner was bribed to ignore these criminal acts, and both of ‘em have been arrested. S’why the force had been acting so unreliably recently.

 Originally, we were given a week of house arrest and ‘till the first of June of suspension, but that was changed to house arrest ‘till the first a few days ago. 

After the first, we’ll be allowed to work as Pro Heroes again. 

So we’ve been sitting around the house ‘till then. 

Answered some more questions. 

Deku revealed that he’s come across a Quirk that allowed the wielder’s dick to function like a compass. Pointed towards what the user really wanted, apparently. 

I think that Deku’s a gullible dumbass and that it was just a boner. 

Deku doesn’t wanna be the number one hero anymore. 

He wants to be the best hero. 

A great hero. 

Fuck you, Deku. 

There’s been some fallout. Apparently you can’t just break outta jail and expect to be considered a shining example of heroism by everyone. 

Who would’ve imagined that. 

I don’t give a damn what you have to say about it. Yeah, breaking me out was a stupid move, and yeah, it could’ve been so much worse, but you know what? Deku’s still a hero in my eyes. 

In case you’ve lived under a rock for the past decade, you ought to know that the leader of the League of Villains is dead. 

My biggest rival made a comeback.

Played some games. 

One of ‘em was perverted as hell. Our publicist is a real piece of work, putting that crap together. 

Truth or Dare ended with a naked Deku in my bed. 

Deku worried too damn much about it. 

It’s fine. Fucking weird, and awkward, and yeah, I was pissed that he pulled something like that just ‘cause he thought he could get some info that I wouldn’t hand over to him on a silver platter, but the fuck got too caught up in that. 

Culminated in Deku putting himself into a slump. 

Asshole told me that it’d be best if we didn’t share a bed for now. 

Informed him of how goddamn stupid he is. 

And then I told him to come to bed. 

For better or for worse, we’re a team. 

Shitnerd’s just gonna have to accept it. 

We’re not fucking. 

And we’re more than ready to go back to work already. 

[whistlingpig]

I can’t recall if I’ve ever talked about it online before, but back in.. ohhh, 2016? 2017? Gosh, it’s been so many years now, I’m not sure..

Anyway, several years ago, someone on Reddit introduced me to the film “When the Wind Blows” and it’s remained one of my favorite animated movies to this day - based on the graphic novel of the same name by Raymond Briggs (which, sadly, I have yet to read)

The art style is charming; borderline “cutesy” even. Something you’d expect to find in a children’s book - not a film about nuclear disaster

Enough. This isn’t a review. I’m not smart enough to write one. I’d just like to share my thoughts about what went wrong.

 MAJOR SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT | READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION

If you’ve seen the movie, you know Jim and Hilda don’t survive. The emerge from the initial blast relatively unscathed, but make some unfortunate decisions that ultimately lead to their demise

Throughout the first part of the film, Hilda brushes off the threat of war  - confident that if “they survived it once, they can survive it again.” She scoffs at Jim as he makes preparations for a nuclear strike. Still, as he removes the doors from their hinges for a makeshift ‘inner refuge’ and paints the windows white, it’s clear he doesn’t quite comprehend the gravity of the situation. They’re woefully under-prepared to survive the fallout from a nuclear blast

- Their first mistake?: Removing the doors. Jim was following instructions in an official emergency preparedness pamphlet issued by the government, so he isn’t entirely to blame here. Hilda comments on how draughty the house will be without doors. I think that’s foreshadowing!

- Stocking up on food & medical supplies should have been their number one priority, but Jim treats it as more of an afterthought. By the time he makes it to the grocery store, the shelves have already been cleared by panic-shoppers.

- They stored water in glass bottles without caps. These are all destroyed in the blast, but if they’d managed to remain undisturbed somehow, the water would still have been contaminated by fallout!

- They emerge from the inner core after a mere 48 hours. I think, without doors, the fallout would eventually have reached them....more slowly, though. If they’d waited a couple more days, they might not have gotten so sick

-  They collected and drank contaminated rainwater. This is a big one, and probably what killed them in the end. Unfortunately, it couldn’t be avoided. Jim and Hilda would have died from dehydration anyway. If they had a source of CLEAN water to drink and bathe with, they may have been able to survive :(

As I see it: Jim placed way too much emphasis on building an inner refuge, when he should have been stockpiling food & supplies instead. Yes, the inner refuge was important, but you’re still vulnerable to fallout that enters through doorways and broken windows. With only 3 days to prepare, I understand he was struggling to prioritize things.... but safe drinking water is key to survival. Realistically, it only takes a couple hours to build a lean-to out of doors!

I keep wondering... Could they have survived? Not without water. I really think the lack clean drinking water is what they did them in, but I have no way of knowing how much radiation they were exposed to when they emerged from the inner core early.

Hey, hi. So that PSA about what to do after a nuclear strike last week has me in a dangerous spiral. I don’t want to turn into one of those ‘preppers’, but I also don’t want to be caught with my pants down if Russia decides to surprise bomb us lmao

I’m scared and want to stock up on drinking water and iodine tablets. And MRE’s. But I’m not rich. And I don’t want people to laugh at me. I remember when everyone was buying up all the masks and soap and hand sanitizer and meat and toilet paper, though.... That was scary

I’m scared

[jadekitty777]

Doomsday Dinner Party

Ooooh, we’re starting to hit some of my personal favorites for the week! 

Day 3 – Best-Worst Date @taiqrowweek

Summary: The world might be over as they know it, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t still time for a dinner date. [Zombie/Walking Dead AU]

Rating: T

Warnings: Just your typical things you’d expect in a zombie story – gore and lots of cussing.

Ao3 Link: Doomsday Dinner Party

~

“What’s all this?”

Tai looked up at the tall, lanky man who had just entered the room. He waved to the spread along the table like a game show host would when showing off a prize. “Dinner.”

“Yeah but what’s with the candles and the-” He looked around the table as if hoping to find something else to point out and just settled for repeating, “…candles?”

“Qrow, if you are about to tell me you have never been on a date before when you are the smoothest motherfucker I have ever known, I’m going to develop a complex.” Tai deadpanned.

The man barked a surprised laugh, raising a hand to his mouth to stifle some of it, but the wide grin stayed. “I think we’ve been hanging out too much if you’re starting to talk like me.”

“Your sense of humor is hilarious.” He retorted, pointing to the chair opposite him. “Now sit your ass down and eat.”

“Yes sir!” He saluted him before doing as told. He picked up his fork, looking down at the blue-trimmed plate.  To pretend the warmed up can of green beans and the strips of beef jerky was a feast by any measure of the word was so utterly absurd Qrow didn’t even bother joking about it as he carried on, “And you even dug out the good china and silverware! You really went all out. All for lil’ ol’ me?  What’s the occasion? Wait!” He mock gasped. “Please don’t tell me I forgot our anniversary.”

“Qrow this is our first date. Shut up already.” His tone was as dry as the Arizona desert, unamused at the other’s antics. He paused, then added hesitantly, “I just, wanted something normal. You know?”

The other speared some vegetables, expression bitter. “Nothing’s normal anymore.”

Tai looked away. “Yeah.”

There was a thick lull that settled, no other sound but a battery-powered clock that was miraculously still ticking. Qrow broke it with a sigh, “I’m being an ass again, aren’t I?”

“Lil’ bit.”

“Sorry.” He pointed finger-guns at him and winked, “Let me make it up to you tonight baby. I’ll rock your world.”

“Oh for the love of God. You’re the fucking worst.” Tai groaned.

“Since you’re like the only other person in a three-hundred mile radius, does that mean I get second place? Because, I gotta say, that’s actually a step up for me.”

He couldn’t decide if the joke was in bad taste or not, but it was so left field he couldn’t help but chuckle, if only because Qrow’s eternal insufferableness still managed to be endearing. He wasn’t the only other person in a three-hundred mile radius – or at least he hoped he wasn’t. It was hard to say if they just hadn’t seen anyone else because they weren’t staying in one place for very long or if just that few people had survived once the real fallout began.

The news of a chemical bomb striking Canada in early September had hit overnight and by that morning, Tai was being called to arms for the national crisis. He barely had time to think as he packed up some of the girls’ clothes and toys and dropped them off with his ex-wife. “It’ll be just a few weeks. I’ll be home in time for Christmas.” He had told them just before he drove off to the nearest military airport in central Texas.

Christmas was months ago.

The attack had been without provocation and even if the source was ever determined, his platoon had never been told. At first, his only assignment was to provide immediate relief to surviving victims – but upon arrival, he’d found himself in a warzone. No one knew what to make of it. It was like a nightmare as they were overwhelmed by a force they hadn’t been prepared to fight.

The dead just… coming back to life. The bodies of former comrades rising from the ground, mindless and hungry before they turned on them. If one was lucky, either they killed it or were killed. If one was unlucky and only got bit, then it was days of suffering as the body overran with the volatile sickness that had people running high-grade fevers and coughing up blood. By the time they had figured anything out, so many were already gone – and it only grew worse as information of in-home attacks started coming in. The chemicals had poisoned the air and spread across the states and into Mexico. Hospitals and morgues were overrun within days and, soon, entire towns.

Tai could still hear Summer’s terrified cries as he gave her directions to a military encampment and told her to take the girls and stay there. Gave promises he doubted he could keep that he would come get them. Choked down his own sobs when he told his girls, maybe for the last time, how much he loved them.

He tried to reach Raven as well, but his ex-girlfriend never answered. He left the information on her machine anyways, praying she got it but fearing it was already too late.

After a month, the blackouts started. Reports stopped coming in. Within another week, people started to desert. He followed his own squad as far as the Montana border and that was about when General Ironwood, sounding a little unhinged, started talking plans about storming the Pentagon. For what reason, he never made clear, but that was all Tai needed to hear to know it was time to set out on his own. He tried to invite Winter along, knowing his lieutenant was desperate to head to California where her own family was but, for reasons he couldn’t quite fathom, she declined, leaving him only her blessings.

Getting out of just Montana took weeks; the streets were crowded with abandoned cars and being forced to avoid towns with large populations was making him take detour after detour. It was shortly after the ground was dusting with the season’s thicker snowfall that he found himself in a department store, desperately searching for something, anything, to eat. What greeted him instead was a grand ol’ view of some guy’s pale ass while he slipped on a pair of “free” boxers in the middle of an aisle.

That was how he met Qrow.

They bonded over a pack of Oreos and some Snapple. As it turned out, they were both headed the same way. Qrow had an estranged twin sister he hadn’t seen in years but knew had been living in Wichita Falls. “It’s appropriate, since she’s a witch herself” He had jeered. Apparently, the two had been split up when their parents divorced and they hadn’t kept close contact over the years. When Tai asked why he’d seek her out at all, the other man just shrugged and looked away, his gaze dark. “Nothing else for me here.”

He didn’t ask any more questions after that.

“Gotta say,” Qrow’s voice brought him back to the present. He was eyeing some of the candles that were burning brightly on the kitchen counter. “I know I’m being a bit of jerk about it but, this is actually kind of nice.”

He smiled happily though he couldn’t resist teasing, “That’s only making me worry more that this really is your first date.”

“Of course not. Just, I always had a bit of trouble keeping my relationships long term. My longest was maybe a year and then I just started to purposely distance myself until Oz got fed up and walked.” He scratched the end of his nose, looking both a mixture of amused and sheepish. “According to my old AA coach, aside from all the rampant drinking, I also have a bad habit of sabotaging myself due to my insecurities. Purposely avoiding calls and being late. Picking fights just because. That sort of thing. It was part of my ‘recovery’ to work on it.” He rolled his shoulders some, “But obviously, I still do it.”

“You’re not that bad.” Tai reassured. After a moment, he snorted and added, “Actually, you’re no worse than me really. I tend to rush things. I was jumping into bed with Rae without asking all the important questions. She never wanted to be a mom, but I didn’t find that out until after she was pregnant with Yang.” He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, his face flushing with embarrassment. “And with Summer, I somehow was even worse. I proposed after we were only together six months. So when she just told me one morning she wanted a divorce because she wasn’t happy with me, well… that was a hell of a blow. I told myself next time I’d do it right and take things slow.” He looked across the table, waving between them, thinking of the various nights they had lain together. “Instead, I’ve upgraded to pulling off the clothes before the first date.”

“Wow, we’re perfect for each other.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

Qrow chuckled, popping a strip of jerky in his mouth and saying around it, “To be fair, there’s not much opportunity to do anything slow right now.”

“Nor is self-improvement a high priority when you’re constantly running for your life.” He countered. He had to wonder what it said about both of them that, despite knowing those things, they were still making an effort regardless.

“For what it’s worth,” Qrow said as he set his fork down, “If I have to walk through this hell on earth, I-”

He never got to finish before the sound of a siren loudly going off jolted them both to their feet. They stared at one another with wide eyes, before they hurried to peer out the kitchen window. They had holed up in a small, fenced in home that was part of the rural district on the north side of town. They hadn’t bothered to waste energy clearing the streets, so they could see how the straggling dead were lifting their heads and starting to stumble down the street.

Tai turned his head some, listening to the pulsing drones that echoed across the town. “Is that… the tornado siren?”

“How is it even going off?”

He shook his head. “They have back-up power for emergencies. Maybe something malfunctioned?” Or someone was setting it off intentionally, though he couldn’t fathom the reason why if that were the case. “Either way, that’s gonna attract a lot of attention if it keeps up.”

Qrow took a few steps back, frowning. “Then we need to leave, now.” He turned, heading for the den where their stuff was. “Can’t get a damn bit of sleep like this.”

Tai glanced out at the darkness warily, not really liking the idea of traveling at night. But knowing the alternative could be worse if they got caught in an unexpected horde, he blew out the candles and joined the other in gathering their things. They searched the house one last time for any last provisions they could scrounge up and poured the melted wax from the candles before packing them up too. Most of the lumbering dead had made it to the street corner by the time they stepped outside and the jarring noise of the alert and the thickness of the summer’s heat and humidity pressed down on them.

Tai pulled open the gate while Qrow started the car, the roar of the engine gearing up being lost to the siren’s call. He hopped into the passenger seat, saying, “Looks like they’re heading towards the center of town.”

“Then we know where we’re not going.” He backed the car up, heading up the street. “Alright navigator, which way should we go?”

“Go left. We should avoid the main street.” Tai said, turning on the overhead light and unfolding their map. He ran his finger down the blue trail lines. Even though the 44 was a straight shot into Wichita, they definitely wanted to avoid going through Lawton. “If we keep going down this way, eventually we’ll hit a road that crosses into the 17. We can follow it up to Sterling and stay there for the night. It’s mostly just countryside from here to there. Should only take an hour or so.”

The other nodded, leaning back some as he drove with one hand. Tai could have believed he was entirely relaxed, if not for the white-knuckled grip he had on the wheel. “Sounds good to me.”

He clicked the light back off and settled back as well. With no street lamps and the moon barely a crescent, there wasn’t much to see. Well, that wasn’t entirely true; without all the light pollution, the sky was littered with more stars then he’d ever seen in his entire life. Clusters upon clusters of them that shaded the sky in a dark sapphire blue and the barest hint of violet nebula clouds that he’d taken to admiring during times when they were holed up and safe. Sometimes Qrow would join him and they’d huddle under a shared blanket as they tried to pretend they knew anything about constellations.

“They’re not all dragons Tai.”

“Oh fine.” He moved his finger in a few wide arcs.

“What are you making?”

“A crow. The dragon needs a meal after all.”

“I can’t decide if you’re trying to scare me or seduce me.”

After a few minutes, they were already out of the small town and into nothing but miles of dark fields on either side. Qrow was keeping their speed tempered so they could avoid any potential hazards. Still, Tai tried to stay alert, knowing they could come upon something at a moment’s notice whether it be an abandoned vehicle or a shambling body. It was why he didn’t miss something shifting in the dark and he sucked in a sharp breath.

“I see it.” Qrow murmured softly, the headlights illuminating the form of a deteriorating body that was reaching out for them before he swerved carefully around it.

A few feet later, there was a small group of about three that they also drove around. When they hit another cluster, this one a little bigger, Tai felt tension coiling within him, gripping his own knee tightly. “Qrow…”

His partner shifted forward, gripping onto the wheel with both hands now, “Maybe we – fuck!” The tires screeched as he slammed on the brakes.

Tai caught himself on the dashboard as momentum jerked him forward, heart stuttering to a stop at the sight of the massive horde now illuminated in their headlights. They came lurching towards the car, the sound of their snarls loud over the hum of the engine, a few hands banging onto the hood.

Beside him, Qrow cursed again as he fumbled for the gear shift, throwing them into reverse. “HOLD ON!” Tires screeched as he hit the gas pedal hard and they shot backwards, only for them to slam into the bodies that had been behind them. The whole car shook hard enough toss them in their seats and rattle their bones.

And then the back of the car pitched upwards like it was on a hill and stopped.

Qrow’s breathing was coming out in rapid pants, slamming his foot on the gas again and again as the mass of dead came closer. The tires were spinning but the car wasn’t moving. He gave a yell of frustration, tearing off his seatbelt and reaching over the backseat for his weapon. “Get our stuff, I’ll cover you!”

Tai didn’t argue, throwing open his door. It smashed into a few of the bodies that had started to come close and he dove out of the car, pulling open the back seat, tossing the duffel bag and backpack over his shoulders. While he was, Qrow slid across the hood of the car, landing on his side and swinging his gardening scythe in a fierce arc, looking much like the grim reaper himself as he lobbed off a few heads.

Tai unsheathed his own machete knife, slamming it up the underside of someone’s jaw, a harsh kick dislodging her and throwing her down. “Come on!”

The other threw a few more wild swings before turning and sprinting back down the road with him, his long legs making it effortless in catching up, angling his weapon astride himself. Their feet pounded together on the asphalt, a discordant harmony to the growls and snarls following behind them. “Now what?!”

“We run back to town!” Tai replied, reaching behind him to grope for the mesh pocket on the side of the backpack. They had only been driving a little while. They couldn’t be more than a few miles from town – but even if they got back, then what? Unless the horde moved on, they’d be trapped. His hand caught around the flashlight and he yanked it out in front of him, the beam of light bouncing along the road as he tried to guide their way, only to reveal a slowly growing crowd stumbling up on the street from the west side. “Shit! This way!”

They ran a diagonal path into the fields, the tall weeds swallowing their shins. The taller pushed back his bangs, throwing a look over his shoulder. “Why are there so many?!”

He yelled back between gasps for air, sweat already slicking his skin from the heat. “They must be coming off the freeway! They’re probably following the others because of the siren!” And now they were following them, pushing them away from the road and from the town. Without having slept or eaten well lately, Tai knew they were going to run out of energy very quickly. If they didn’t think of something soon, they were going to die.

Qrow slowed his pace some, squinting at a dark, imposing shape they were quickly approaching. “I think something’s ahead of us!”

He held the flashlight forward, exposing circles of white that didn’t make sense at first until they started to get closer. It was a brick wall that was about nine feet tall and, as he waved it down both sides, found it was covering a few acres worth of land. They’d never be able to run along it without being intercepted.

His grit his teeth as he realized their only choice was to go over.

As he put away the flashlight and his knife, Tai looked to the man beside him, the worried look on Qrow’s face clearly telling him he was coming to the same conclusion. “Can you make that jump?”

“Yeah, I got it!”

As they came to the wall, Tai ran ahead, finding purchase against the brick, lunging upwards. His right hand caught along the back of the fence, using the leverage to pull himself up. As he did, a scythe flew by, Qrow having pitched it over like it was a javelin. He looked over, seeing the other man distancing himself a few paces before rushing forward and taking a leap.

The tips of his fingers grasped onto the edge before he was falling back to the ground. The man cursed, stumbling backwards and shaking out his hands before trying again. His second attempt fell even shorter. Qrow looked up at him, panicked, while the growls behind him grew ever closer. “Uh, Tai?!”

Tai glanced to the other side of the wall, seeing nothing in the enclosure except some large tanks – a propane facility, possibly – and yanked off the bags, throwing them over the side. He swung around, jumping back down. “I’m gonna vault you over, alright?” He clasped his hands together into a make-shift stirrup. “Put your foot here and put the other on the wall. You jump and I’ll push you upwards. Got it?”

“Yeah!” He replied, placing his foot in his hand as told.

He counted down, “One, two, three, JUMP!” Suddenly, all of Qrow’s weight was on him as he hopped up. Tai’s arms shook with the strain, lifting the other’s leg high when he was able to grab the edge again, the extra height giving him the boost he needed to scrabble on top. Once he was sure the other was secure, he took a few steps back as he readied himself again.

Just as he was about to run forward, a hand grasped onto the back of his shirt and a hiss echoed in his ears.

“TAI!”

Acting on instinct, he threw his arm back, his elbow driving home into the nose of his captor, throwing him and his gnashing teeth miles from his shoulder. He pivoted on his toes as he drew his machete again, hurling it into the skull of another, but when it didn’t slice through like he wanted, he just used the leverage to push the stumbling dead into the crowd behind him, making quite a few fall down like they were dominos. More continued to stagger over them.

Qrow had stood, running lengthwise along the wall as he pulled out his pistol and took shots. “HEY! HEEEY OVER HERE!” The noise he was making was drawing most of them his way.

Taking the opportunity, Tai dashed forward and scurried up the wall a second time, finding it much harder this time when his whole body shook with effort. He straddled the wall, the adrenalin that had kept him going waning fast. His heart was hammering hard, lungs and eyes burning, muscles trembling with strain and clothes stuck to sweat-soaked skin. He waved when his partner called in concern, wordlessly pointing to the other side, and they both hopped down to the other side. Tai fell back against the wall, hand against his chest as he caught his breath.

Qrow hurried across the grass, fishing again for the flashlight before he turned it on, giving several long, slow sweeps of the area. Other than the tanks he had seen before, there was a single, long, metal warehouse at the far end of the facility. But nothing else. For now, they were safe.

He pulled off from the wall, walking over. “We did it Qr-!”

The flashlight hit the ground, the beam of light dancing as it rolled away, and Qrow whirled on him, dragging him forward into a bruising kiss. After a moment, Tai tore off his bloody gloves, tangling his clean hands into the other man’s hair, kissing back with equal fervor. He hummed pleasurably as their tongues tangled together, the other’s hands slipping up his chest and around his neck.

When they pulled apart, the other whispered breathlessly against his lips. “I’m glad it’s with you.”

“What?” Tai gasped back.

Qrow pulled back slightly, his gaze intense as he said heatedly. “If I had to walk through this hell on earth, I’m glad it’s with you.”

Tai stared back at him, his heart thudding again for an entirely different reason as he replied, “Yeah. Me too.” And then he lent forward, capturing his lips in another kiss.

~ A/N: Not written – the moment when these two discover that Qrow’s twin sister and Tai’s former girlfriend is the same person.

Also, a dad’s happy reunion with his two precious daughters because for god’s sake I’mnotamonster.