#also OMG AN ASK????????? IN MY SPACE?

[mixed-kester]

hello ms. esther! sorry for suddenly intruding, but i've seen you a lot on my dash n just wanted to say hi! and, well, to also give this tiny brainrot about u and wanderer in offering haha:

i don't know much about your personal lore, but seeing your art for throwaway-yandere's wood vs salt fic had me Thinking Thoughts. do you remember how in the beginning of wanderer-era, before he got his memories as scaramouche back, wanderer was pretty calm and nice? a little ditzy or, well, easily distracted sometimes, yes, but generally, he seemed like someone safe (or at the very least, like he wouldn't suddenly stab you in the back).

what if he met you while in this state? before the traveler found him and brought him back to the sanctuary of surasthana? what if he saw you and felt some dim, compelling force in the hollow of his chest where his heart should be (the lingering influence of irminsul, the all-encompassing obsessive love that scaramouche had for you you you—) when he sees you, a passing visitor in the grand bazaar, and quietly wonders if he's met you before.

now, this could go in many different ways depending on whether or not you remember him (even with irminsul's deletion of scaramouche's existence) and if he decides to do anything about that. one such timeline, like the wood vs salt-esque au, would be so interesting because, well, he doesn't remember pantalone ever being that close to you before. he doesn't remember you working for alhaitham either.

but you still look the same. still smile the same. still blush, huff, and laugh the same and wanderer can't help but cling to that (can't help but listen to the snake-like whispers just behind his ear to hold onto you, tighter this time, and make sure you'll never leave again).

some things are different. some things are the same. and all these unwanted anomalies are easy enough to correct, with or without his vision.

he's learned from the best, after all.

aaa this is very messy n all but i hope i got the idea across! if this isnt ur cup of tea that is very fine wdyhdbd but if nothing else, i would like to say ur art is very cool n ur ebg lore (at least the little i saw of it bc i had pre-mids that week) is very :eyes:

the object of my thoughts.

tags: wanderer, self-insert, situated inside @throwaway-yandere's Apotheosis on Your First Feast...kind of??? maybe??? an AU of sorts.

a/n: omg brain go brrrrr? welcome to my humble blog ajnsbvkjbhlka don't be shy to interact i don't bite- btw this fic is probably nothing like the ask aaaaaaa words: 1,072

The Grand Bazaar is as bustling as ever. Her nose gets hit with the damp, yet fresh air of the hidden city nestled underneath Sumeru's Great Tree.

At once, Esther hears the quiet, lively atmosphere of the merchants, the lingering tune of a song in Zubayr Theater (Sadly, Nilou will not be dancing today.), and the smell of freshly-made street food, minus the bugs that so happens to linger on the stalls.

This place almost ticks all her checkboxes of a "safe space".

almost.

She found herself sitting beside a food stall, waiting for her order to arrive. In Esther's defense, the food was quite tempting. Scented Meat Balls always have a thing going for her mouth. One moment it's there, the next…an empty platter and greasy hands.

A very pleasant experience, 10/10.

With nothing better to do, she rummaged for her shoulder bag and pulled out a small notepad. Some of the signatures are falling off, the purple yarn barely holding it together, and the handmade cover is dirtied with charcoal stains.

Carefully tightening the seams with a sigh, she then looked around, looking for someone to draw. She wouldn't want to ask someone for permission, no. She has to be discreet; quick, yet accurate.

The last time she got "caught", Esther was quite embarrassed, although her subject at the time was quite flattered and even offered some good critiques at her pose anatomy before being dragged off by Alhaitham, of all people.

Alhaitham, your current boss, and the current Acting Grand Sage of Sumeru. Who assigned you to Varanara, just six hours ago.

Vanarana, the supposed home of the Aranara, the children of the Lord of Verdure.

…the Lord of Verdure, and the successful rescuing of Sumeru's future.

A rescue that I refused to join in.

Esther shook her head in an attempt to dispel the frankly annoying and intrusive thoughts in her head. Quickly putting her notepad, aside, she thanked the waitress and tested the waters on the meat balls, still smoking.

Ow. Too hot.

Her eyes roamed around the bazaar like a camera, looking for interesting people to draw. Interesting poses to draw. A merchant selling fruits, a vendor calling for customers. Quite banal.

I spy, with my eyes…

I spy, with my eyes…

there!

Her hands fly towards the notepad, leaves ruffling as she attempts to find an empty page.

The slight off-colored white invites her in to draw the first line, to fill it up with her lines, to see the figure of a person, the someone she chose to draw.

Reaching out again, she tests if the balls are too hot. Feeling the warm, crumbly texture of the finger food, she eats one whole and quickly focuses on the task at hand.

She looks quickly.

He's not looking at her. Perfect.

She quickly dismissed the hat in her drawing. That thing is a pain to draw quickly, she thinks, instead opting for just an ellipse with shaded points.

She quickly deconstructs his relaxed figure, filling it up with more details as the platter beside her grows more and more empty with each passing hour

He doesn't look like he's from here, Esther figures as she draws the man's robes- kimono, she corrects herself- hanging loosely on his figure, making for quite the focus on his high-collared undershirt-

Esther chokes on a crumb. Coughing, she hides her face on her arm and shakes her head again. Taking a bite out of the meatballs, carefully this time, she erases the quite scandalizing abs on her drawing, scolding herself for the…distraction.

She tries to finish the figure without looking this time. A large gold ornament on his left chest… hair shaped like a weird bowl cut…red eyeliner…

hang on.

She glances again. He did not seem to notice, and was still facing away from her, talking to what she presumes is his boss. how did i know his eyeliner is red?

Her gaze lingers on the drawing, slightly smudging the freshly-drawn face as she traces its jaw. She thinks hard, her eyebrows furrowing, the tapping of her pencil serving as a pendulum for her thoughts.

think, think, think.

She tries to chase the thought, but it slips away from her grasp like a falling leaf amid a strong breeze. Whatever the thought is... she deems it not important.

Esther looks at her drawing again, and her grip makes a dent in the notepad. This drawing, this pathetic croquis of a figure...it's too ugly. It doesn't even shine a light on the guy. This drawing of hers is too disgusting to see the light of day.

The left arm is too long, the face is off, the torso is contorted unnaturally, the fingers are unproportioned, the face is off, the eyes are off, the eyes are off, the eyes are off-

…

She tears off the page, throws it on a random garbage bag, and leaves the bazaar in lower spirits than when she came. so much for relaxation.

If she dared to look back, the subject of her interest has filched the torn paper.

Behind the tree, his errand remained forgotten, the fruits on the forest floor as he traced every uneven line that captured his inhuman self, marvelling at the seemingly glorious art in his hands.

Why did she discard it? he can only wonder as he gingerly holds the paper like it's a treasured possession of his. He does not understand. Why did she throw it away?

Should he find her? He thinks about it, but then considers his chances. An unknown person asks for her, saying something about knowing her vaguely and asking to come with him? He might as well parade around Sumeru City with the biggest hat he could find, yelling loudly.

What name would he give her when she asks for it?

He is a shugenja; a wanderer, as he calls himself. A tree with no roots. Somebody with no home, no kin, no destination. Someone with no name, no identity to hang on with. Trekking across Teyvat to train himself...it's just an excuse.

That's how absurd this is.

So why is he so hung up on this one person who drew him in such a human fashion? What is there to her that piqued him?

Have we met before?

He sighs, and folds the paper, tucking it in his hat. He picks up the sunsettias on the ground, and makes way to the nearby river to wash it.

[dandyshucks]

hi dandy ! here is this quick guzma for you ~ 🫶 have a great day! (@dmclr)

HOLDING UP MASSIVE HEART HANDS AAAA THANK YOU CLARA this is so kind... sniffle.... this has cheered me up so much fdsjkl today's been ... eugh. one of those sorts of days i'll just say LOL but !!! this is really nice and means so much to me 😭😭😭💗💗💗

i loooove his scruff and sunglasses here :3 i become THE GRINNER the SWEETIE SNILER when i look at this !!!!!! ALSO I REALLY LIKE HOW U DREW HIS HAIR,,, i honestly might use this as reference a little bit when i try to re-learn how to draw his hair bc i have somehow forgotten HFDJKL

i hope YOU had/are having a good day and if it's not-so-good then i hope tomorrow treats you better !!! 🫶

[twistedappletree]

got a random bug up my butt to literally pack over half of everything and move it all to the other house in one go 💀 i’m tired af now but WORTH IT

[slightlymad]

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

ooohhh goodness jo..... absolutely NO words can do the pure joy i'm going through justice...... i genuinely want this photo imprinted on my mind and soul because i want to have it with me at all times........... THIS IS MORE THAN EVERYTHING TO ME !!!! LIKE !!!!!! I THINK I JUST INVENTED A WHOLE NEW GENRE OF HAPPINESS BECAUSE YOU SENT ME THIS :"))))) I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUUUU 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

[dewgongs]

omg i just met some really nice people... actually i met quite a few really niuce people today ! !!

[ningningkittie]

when i love someone i WANT to learn abt their past traumas, their insecurities nd pain so that i can learn how to love them right. i want to understand how i should treat, reassure and comfort them. i want to learn their love languages so i can love them the way they need

[ablazeinhim]

feeling like such a loser lately and like is it the winter or is the introversion or is it the disability???

[boxwinebaddie]

Miss Ninaa!! When are you free for the summer???

hello, sweetling! and good morning, good afternoon or good night wherever it is that you are. <3 regardless of the time of day, please just know that the world around you is brighter bc you're in it. c':

so i just want to start out by saying that i know i say this a lot...but i cannot tell you what it means to me that you guys care enough about me to be curious about the trajectory of my offline life.

...like, i really just have the sweetest anons in the world, huh? ;-;

i feel unbelievably blessed and count my lucky stars everyday because of each and everyone of you. thank you for being your lovely, lovely selves and caring not only about me as a person but my silly and strange au styles from hell.

speaking of, i am aware that it does not seem like it because of how sporadically i post ncu related content ( if at all ) but i am trying to work on some stuff...as you know well by now, i like to really take my time putting out my work because the quality of the content that you read is paramount to me. you are all far too near and dear to my heart to receive lame, rushed, unclear boof ass content from me.

like...i simply will not do it. thank you for your paitence.

( i will say that i am specifically working on an ask about the greenhouse kiss which AAAAAA giggling, twirling my hair and kicking my feet, like it is SOOOOO satisfying, holy shit! it's also very, very important to the plot which is why i have been taking my time on it. i do hope to put it out today but i am trying not to make promises that i can't keep, get your hopes and dreams up just to dash them and most unfortunately, i do not have a great track record in that regard. i know it's kind of a bummer...but i like to be honest w/ y'all. )

ANYWAYS!

without further ado, here's a little glimpse into my life. xx

again, thank you for asking...that is very cute of you. c': <333

( this is lengthy and lowkey irrelevant. you can absolutely skip this but i think that i am pretty informative in here, so it might be useful? idk. )

so actually, my summer is pretty busy and jam-packed for the most part! or, the first two months are, at least. because i decided to take on summer camp here at the school i work on! camp counsellor nina!

i decided to nab a summer camp supervising position for a couple of reasons. like, obviously, teaching does not pay that much, so really, i need to make all the money i can while i can. don't worry about me tho, guys. bc actually am doing extremely well for myself. <333

( i am a very lucky person, haha -- god nerfed me by being mentally ill, but did make me pretty and personable...which gets me far in life. on the topic of mental illness [ of which i am very ] today i should fare quite well bc other than having a mild headache and being lowkey naseous because my mood stabilizer has that side effect for me...it is worth it when i rem(ember) to take it because it makes me very calm and level, so i am better at responding to my asks/doing my tasks. )

another reason is it keeps me busy...when i am not constantly busy, i get very depressed and fall into gnarly sprials. my job has a lot of downtime and when i am not running around like crazy because a bunch of teachers are out, i'm bored as fuck and i get lazy or restless.

very lame...this summer, i will be looking for a different job ( fml, if you are my boss, don't read this ) and i am a bad procrastinator so i missed the deadline for a fuck ton of teaching positions, but hopefully i can find something in the realm of associate or assistant teaching because....lmao, point and laugh but i am still a little too nervous to teach a whole class by myself. if kids get disadvantaged academically because i am too incompetent at teaching, i will die.

but yeah...if i am still babysitting fourteen year olds after this ( they did grow on me, but it's really not my speed ) please also point and laugh because i would rather go back to retail...yes, i am desperate.

on the subject of teaching kids that are in my wheelhouse and doing stuff my speed, summer camp is actually all k-5 so i will FINALLY being doing a majority of my teaching in the age group that i have my literal credential in. YAY! it's going to be hot as shit where i am over the summer, probably also tiring as shit ( have you seen how little kids act in the summer? ) but i am so fkn exCITED to work with the littles HEEEEELLL YES, BROTHER! uncle nina will be Vibing! <333

so for the first four weeks i am doing general camp stuff, getting a feel for stuff and wokring with all the grade levels...but the LAST two weeks, i get to specifically associate teach in the kindergarten classroom and AAAAAAAA!!!!! I FKN LOVE THE KINDERS!!!!! i visit them every other day because, again, i am bored as shit and they need help over there so i usually hang out with them in PE and play hula hoop tag with them...rn they are learning how to jump rope. soooo stinking cute, oh my god.

-- BUT YES I AM SOOOOO FREAKING STOKED YOU GUYS LIKE I WAS MADE FOR THIS BROTHER. i am gonna wear so many crazy outfits and do such weird makeup pray it doesn't melt off my face.

also, during camp, they go on little field trips and things, hopefully swimming, ( uncle nina is mermaid nina ) and feed you the same stuff as the campers so i get to eat like a nasty frat boy and have pizza and pasta and stuff, which, let me tell you, i am genuinely stoked because they cater a free lunch for the faculty here everyday and it's supposed to be all fancy and shit...but there is a reason it's free because it is SOOOO mid. like it really is kind of ass. i don't know how they do that.

but, sigh, camp is only six weeks so i have to fill my time with other stuff ( also i guess that means in six weeks from when school is done on june...14th, i think? i am free? ) i hope to use that time to structure the fuck out of my life, planf or the future because i am hella bad at it and i hope to do a lot of writing! kind of a pipe dream at this point becaue all my stuff has been *british tolkien vc* actual shite and i can't finish anything...but maybe when i feel better, writing will come easier? when i am less busy and stressed? i hope so. and i hope you guys are still around if i am here but i Completely understand if you are not! it's been a long, bumpy ride. you did your dues and you are free to step off at any time. again, i do not blame you. i am annoying.

BUT YEAH! that's my summer for you! summer camp, hanging out with my cat ( her name is lily, she is very beautiful, very kind, very fluffy and dumb as rocks but she is my babygirl ), getting lots of sushi, going to the thrift store, doing self care stuff, doing less self harm in various odd forms specifically in the form of self sabotage, getting my life together and organized, finding a new job, bettering myself and the world, being kind, entertaining all of you and hopefully writing again! yay! i'll update you as much as i can.

and please, please, pleeeease update me on your lives! i know i don't always respond, but i read everything. my friend who won FIRST PLACE for her raven sculpture, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU BABY. my friends who unfortunately went through breakups, i am so sorry, please know it is their loss, you are stronger for it and i hope you heal, but if ravesey can...you can baby. also proud of my various friends going to college and my friends that are not! my friends toiling through their lame jobs and my friends who are dipping their toes in the world of creativity through writing, drawing expressing yourself! i love, love, LOVE you! thank you for sharing your lives with me.

( speaking of friends, i am specifically hoping to spend my summer bonding with my rant girlies and we made a little group chat and we are being so funny and chaotic and unhinged. i love them all so bad. )

BUT YEAH! thank you for asking my love! look out for some important in character asks, hopefully some finished or more distinguished writing and know that if i am not responding or posting, it is not because i lost interest...as you can see, i am very busy, especially as the school year approaches an end, my summer is a little busy, i fall into ugly manic/depressive cycles and am working on taking care of myself...offline. thank you for understanding.

and thank you for being here! you are troopers, forreal! you are angels and saints for putting up for me and enduring me never posting or posting really chaotic weird stuff. i love you. thanks for caring. <3

i love you and i hope you heal,

uncle nina, future ceo of glamour girl summer camp <3

P.S. i am specifically working on developing and post more about my other aus because i want to give you some variety and challenge myself to do stuff out of my comfort zone! so if you are excited at all about the tsot/tfbw nina stuff, please make some NOOOOISE! lol and if you are not i totally get it, but if you could give me gentility and grace, i would appreciate it because i'm insecure abt it. MWAH!

[seiwas]

✏️

Hi Sel! Your writing makes me feel like I'm experiencing love in a fresh, new, exciting way. It's warm and tender and delicate, but it fills me with hope and anticipation of what could be. I find comfort in the scenes you create- they're so immersive and realistic!

lin!!! thank you so much for playing 🤍

your writing reminds me of:

💧🌄⛰️🫴🏻

the slow trickle of water before it spills over; blue hour; the view from a mountaintop, supremely vast but achingly small; the minute space between a touch, almost touching but not really.

&

thank you so much lin 🥹 i am so touched and flattered that you’re able to feel that through the writing i create 🥺 i love love! but especially one that is gentle and slow 🥺 i’m so glad you find my scenes to be immersive and realistic!! i consider that a lot when i write 🥺

send me a ✏️ and i’ll tell you what ~~vibe i get from your writing! (alternatively, you can also tell me what vibe you get from mine!)

[altruistic-meme]

love watching you go crazy go stupid over hands in that show you watch. you deserve it. as a treat

listen if there is anything to know about me, it's my love for hands. im having the time of my life over here. im so excited to keep making hands gifs. there will be so many. i will probably branch out to more hands once i complete my yr hands masterlist (which is a totally normal and sane thing to have had before this) and im living my best life.

[kandidandi]

im already drawing nightmare!moon and dream!sun

CURSE MEEE

💀💀💀

yoooo that fits so well omfg with moon being nightmare how he goes from soft baby to evil bastard you are so smart

[mxbitters]

drag performances are like..truly good for the soul. today was nice i feel like a part of me has healed. that could also be the weed but still

[arklay]

MISSED SEEING YOU ON MY DASH LEAH I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL 💙💙

aaaaaa thank youu bones 🥺🥺💖💖 i have been experiencing the horrors but i'm starting to feel better and like i could probably have the energy to scroll again lmao i have so much stuff to catch up on though i'm like oh no...

[kuromi-hoemie]

i can't believe i used all my tags on this. i have MORE TO SAY. honorable mentions i will not elaborate on: pikmin, runescape, OG animal crossing.

the reason for all my tags is because there's a difference between "most fun" and "most important" and feel like if they're important u should at least say why :3

[yo9urt]

spent like 7 maybe 7.5 hours cleaning today i feel soooo good

[miusato]

Hello again, i'm the hamugis anon. I just got another idea, maybe for a request. Lmk if i'm bombarding u, i tend to get overexcited but I don't wanna annoy you ahah. Another trope that could be fun for hte HS AU, maybe Aigis eating alone in the cafetaria, clearly having trouble making friends, and Kotone could join her, a small start to the romance mayb. Feel free to ignore ofc just throwing ideas

Okay I let this brew in my inbox in a while because I wanted to keep this for later when I finally have the chance to draw it one day but like omg I cant hold my silliness aAAAA

Like maybe she has been eating in the toilet for like a week before deciding to finally have her meal in the cafeteria after she overcome her nervousness and when Kotone sees her for the first time in the cafeteria she just sits down and asked if she's new there and when she replies with a meek yes she assures her that if she's alone she can join her table or she come to her and thats pretty much how they started talking.

Down the line, I want it to be like its either the student council or one of the social clubs initiative that they don't want anyone to eat alone during school breaks and want to create a positive environment in school so the members are encourage to approach any newcomers or lonely kids and eat together because god knows how much they needed someone to recognize they exist in the sea of students ;w;