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truly-morgan · 1 year ago

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[Deaged WWX and JC, feat. cuckji (w.i.p)]

ChengXian | Mo Dao Zu Shi 17-07-2021

[#xiancheng, deaged + cuckji I think?]

What if on some random night hunt, both wwx and jc get deaged to somewhere probably around the CR studies.

It is seriously troubling for everyone, especially the boy who still have their adult bodies. jc can tell this core isn't his. It being stronger was indeed a bit worrying when he wasn't explained what happened, but he somehow also could tell it /wasn't his/.

wwx on the other side saw his reflection in sandu and was shocked when he couldn't recognise himself but also felt much weaker than what he remembered "of the day before".

It takes a lot of calming down from the juniors and attempts at explaining who they are today (leaving the trauma on the side for now).

The thing is, they are still in the middle of solving some problems and the two "young" cultivators are more than happy to help despite being so troubled ("I trust we can fix it later" wwx said as jc rolled his eyes at his lack of care).

And this is how the juniors see for the first time what the duo was like before everything was shattered. They are so close to one another, fighting rather well despite the balance now being messed up (they somehow still manage to balance it well enough).

Back to the inn, everyone is surprised by how jc acts (even jl, who has only known jiujiu post-I-lost-everything-but-you). This is such a contrast from the fierce and severs looking sect leader they know (even tho the quartet has learned to know he can be nice and loving too).

wwx isn't 100% out of character, although he might be a bit less drunk than usual and a whole lot flirty with jc (which does make the juniors a bit unsure of what is happening.) of course, the ymj sect was immediately warned of what happened, so no one would be surprised of seeing their dear sect leader like this.

of course, lwj is also warned of the situation (as if they could let hgj in the dark about his husband). So while they all have that fun at the inn, you have ymj SIC and lwj on their way to them to make sure their respective reason of worries is alright.

meanwhile, the juniors are still stuck to deal with a wwx who is somehow more mischievous than before and a jc who is actually ready to /follow him/ in these ideas.

It is a strange evening for the juniors than to deal with these men who they look up to but are now basically around their age. But as no one has reached them yet for help, they decide that staying at the inn would be better. After all, it is close to where everything happened and they actually have yet to fully deal with what has been causing problems to this village.

They were going to take three rooms (thankfully to jl money, the juniors could share the biggest room here), but wwx asked why three when he and jc can share one. It takes a bit of arguing, only for jl to give in because he cannot argue against jiujiu telling him it would be stupid to spend on a room that isn't even needed.

So they now have two rooms and the juniors are a bit nervous about it.

What if they suddenly get back to normal in the middle of the night? Would they be alright in the same room?

"But don't you think senior way and sect leader jiang are strangely... very close to one another?" oyz ends up asking after a while.

Sure, they all had heard about how close the two had been in the past, but they felt like people had forgotten to tell them about how they seemed to flirt together?! This isn't right, especially since now, wwx is married to hgj!!

little did they know that wwx and jc had actually been pining for /years/ in the past.

it was Jiang "I am not enough he can find better" Cheng and Wei "I know jc doesn't see me as a servant but I still cannot be his for this reason" Ying being an absolute idiot. They had experienced together, mostly because they trusted each other in trying those, hiding behind it only being experiments and everyone does that yes, it wasn't because they were in love with each other.

These are the same idiots who most likely still had romantic love for each other, but had too much baggage at this point to go on with it.

But now you have them away from anything that could have been a cause of worries and a reminder of why they "couldn't". Sure, in their mind, it was only yesterday that yzy would have wiped wwx at the thought of his sleeping with her son, or that jfm was always putting wwx first.

But they also understood that now, no one would do such a thing. Now they would probably be side by side (and the role was probably reversed in the public eyes).

Now they were away and could a bit more easily indulge. especially in an inn.

They were happy to finally be in their room after checking out. Despite technically being the youngest of the group now, the juniors were still looking up for their opinions and also making sure they were alright. the duo was more than happy to finally be alone.

the moment they were in, wwx slapped a silencing talisman on the door, turning to jc with a grin, starting to tease him again about how he has been acting since earlier with the kids.

it ends up with them playfully arguing until jc finally pushes wwx to the bed and pins him down on it. It surprises them a bit all the ease it took jc to do it, after all, to them it wasn't so long ago that they were to the same strength, both physically and in cultivation. wwx laugh at this, since he was usually the one to pin jc down on a bed "A-cheng has gotten so strong" he praised with a grin.

jc shut him up with a kiss, wwx more than happy to indulge, pulling him closer.

It is a bit weird, since this is jc older body, while wwx simply did not have his at all. Yet it was as if they didn't care for any of it, as long as it was them it would always be alright (plus jc would lie if he said this body wasn't attractive too, even if differently).

(🌸NSFW-ISH to come)

hands soon start to roam over unfamiliar skin, slowly taking robes away so they can have direct access to the skin. fingers run over scares for which they do not know the history (and honestly they don't want to know right now).

After a while wwx ends up flipping them over, grinning when he is finally atop jc, kissing along his neck down his chest (giving some love to those harsh scars on his chest, feeling like he has an idea where they come from, yet he pushes it far away).

wwx in this body isn't as strong as jc, yet he lets him take over, letting wwx do as he wishes, more than happy that they can finally have this moment for them, knowing he will have all the time he wants to do whatever he wants with wwx too.

the night goes on like this, wwx taking all he wants and gladly letting jc take all he wants too.

To say the least, they didn't sleep much that night (which these older bodies do not seem to agree with).

when they meet again with the juniors, the group of young

(🌸 end)

man tries not to stare in disbelief and disapproval at the mark they may or may not have left visible on each other's neck (they might have gone a bit overboard with the knowledge of no one here to scold them). the lan juniors are a bit conflicted because they do not want for hgj to be destroyed by this (but lsz can easily see how happy this makes senior wei).

jl is in a way worried this will only end up hurting his jiujiu /again/. it is good to see him so happy, but what will it be like when they get back to normal? Will he be alone again?

and on the side oyz look about to go crazy over this new development.

it is so easy to catch on for the juniors, so of course, once they join the ymj SIC and lwj who are having tea downstairs at the inn while waiting for them, of course, they would notice it too (especially lwj, because he /knows/ he's not the one who put those mark here).

They know that both men had been deaged, but neither would have actually expected for something like this to happen. Sure, wwx and jc had a history of being really close, but none of them would have expected it to turn out like this. How could lwj have missed it in their youth?

it doesn't take long before the ymj SIC comes up to his sect leader, politely saluting him while presenting himself (he knows jc must have no idea who he is).

jc is a bit surprised by the action, still not used to the idea he was indeed a sect leader now (but also he had no memory of this man, had he been newer to LP?).

wwx give the man a glance, a bit unsure why /he/ wasn't the sic by jc sides (the juniors did tell them some of the history, but it never told him why he wasn't by jc sides anymore). then they looked at lwj who had approached wwx so suddenly, actually making him back off a little bit, not expecting for the man to come up to him so suddenly.

lwj clearly looks hurt for a moment, hand retracting as his eyes lingered on wwx neck and a couple of exposed marks. he looks displeased for a moment, yet no comments come and he goes back to his usual unexpressive face.

This does trouble wwx, looking back at the juniors who are greeting hgj politely. they have to explain again what happened the day before, saying they didn't have too much time to find out what happened since they had more pressing matters that they still hadn't fully taken care of yet.

"We are enough today that we can split, can't we?" jc asked. They were now 8, which included 2 that were actually older and more experimented now that they were both deaged.

"We could keep investigating here while you two go back to where everything happened" ljy suggested.

Every juniors agreed, not interested to be stuck in the weird and awkward situation that would happen once jc and wwx would go back to being close while lwj couldn't really do anything because this wasn't really the wwx he married (from what he understood, this wwx

was from a time when they barely even knew each other, he couldn't exactly expect wwx to accept so easily that they are husband now, doesn't stop from hurting when he sees what he sees).

[poll to see what the continuation should be]

Original

#my writing #tweet archive #short story #mo dao zu shi #changxian #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #lan wangji #deaged wei wuxian #deaged jiang cheng #cuckji #unfinished #1k - 2k words

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llycaons · 1 year ago

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ep50 (3/4): tender romance time. painful decisions time. beautiful conversations time. threat time. music time. travel time

he's still playful, here. excited, goofy. he doesn't know, yet

and the camera focuses on lwj as wwx's joy fades into the background...lwj's frozen face this entire sequence is really painful. dude.

this is heartbreaking...wwx was so excited and now it must feel like he's being let down once again. and by someone he really thought he could trust. and it's not like lwj ever lied to him, or intended to hurt him, it's just...he can't. he can't

and you can see the dawning understanding here in wwx's eyes because he understands, he does. it just hurts. I can tell why book fans got angry at this scene. but cql lwj takes his responsibilities very seriously, which is something that cql wwx also appreciates and admires. but it still hurts

it's hard to tell but he's about tearing up here. swallowing, biting his lip. he's really trying to hold it together. but there doesn't even need to be an explanation, does there? he must know why

in the uncensored Japanese version, this scene comes immediately before the reunion, then the show ends at CR. but I actually like this version so much more, because lwj and wwx are warm to each other in the next few scenes but nothing fundamental feels like it's changed in their relationship. with the reunion, it feels like a definite change. the censorship worked for me metatextually in that we know we can't see what happens next because it's explicit. so it felt like a more definite romantic reunion and a change to their living situation bc wwx doesn't wish to stay forveer in CR. otherwise, it feels like, what's the point of wwx leaving and returning? to get used to being in the world again, I guess, but does anything really change upon his return? that's my reading

this is an intriguing scene. lwj playing at the pond, and wwx walking down and joining him. what, did lwj leave a message at the house for him?

don't remember why I screenshotted this. maybe because of his clothing - oh yeah! he wears the exact same robes for every CR scene in this little interlude. I really don't think it all happened in the same day. mysterious, maybe wwx just really liked that robe set

see this is what I'm talking about! wwx is giving him eyes over his dizi and lwj is just *shyly looks down* like he has since they were 15. no if they're together I want to imagine lwj would stare back, finish the set, then walk over and kiss wwx on the mouth

I really like the lyrics to wuji! I always have - especially the one about old flames never dying, it fits

yes the vow!!! it's so important to me that wwx made this vow 35 episodes ago, and lwj made a matching one right beside him! deep down they truly share the same ideals and goals, and their hearts have finally been able to align after many trials and tribulations. soulmates from the very start, it just took a while to get there

I LOVE this scene!!! wwx pleased with lwj, for taking on the cc role - surely he has some complicated feelings about that, but he's congratulating lwj because he trusts him and he knows he'll do well and live up to his name

and I read the meta for this scene so long ago, but lwh turning it right back around is so important! wwx, who must have felt like he'd failed so many times, who tried so hard to do good and was faced with unexpected consequences and unintended disaster time and again. here's the person who he trusts more than anyone saying, you did it. you stayed true to your ideals, your young and innocent goals carried through. you deserve the name your parents gave you, and you still embody everything you ever hoped to. it's one of the most heartfelt and meaningful things anyone has ever said in this show. it's beautiful

didn't the rock used to be huge? also this is a really beautiful part of CR. ALSO where did all those new rules come from? are we to assume it's bc wwx is living there?

this is genuinely a funny scene but the tense laughter is SO good

on god every time I see this shot I'm like 'he looks like a mob boss with that hair' also he's so young-looking and short it's impressive that jl is able to pull off this world-weary middle-aged man energy

personally I like "As for me, I'm a simple man,' more. welp, that's it for everyone else? where's lxc? don't worry about it he's fine

actually without it ever being specified, the audience doesn't know why lwj is staying. man, he must have looked like a real unloving asshole for refusing to go with wwx. but I didn't know about lxc going into seclusion my first time watching and it made sense to me. their sects just went through a lot, and lxc is in a bad way, also the cultivation world's in shambles. someone's gotta go and help sort all that out etc.

...unless we're meant to assume lxc is going into seclusion because lwj doesn't leave? or because he was offered cc in the brief moments before ditching the temple? many mysteries. all I know is, lwj wouldn't stay if he didn't have to, and it makes for some delicious ansgt, and they trust each other, and wwx admires lwj's commitment, and wwx has to go. he has to go and lwj has to stay. just for a little while

#cql re-rewatch

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letteredlettered · 1 year ago

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Fic Rec

Lament, by @kianspo

The premise of this fic is that WWX never comes back. LWJ as well as LXC and LSH feature. I thought that LXC’s and LSH’s parts would focus on LWJ’s grief, but this fic does something different with them.

I generally don’t want to read about the fragile beauty of making peace with grief. To me, reading about that feels more upsetting than whatever caused the grief in the first place, even though acceptance is healthy and necessary. In fact, perhaps it’s because it’s healthy and necessary that I find it so upsetting. If I’m going to read a sad fic, I want to wallow in agony, not be healthy! That said, this fic handled that differently than I was expecting, and made me feel good about everything in the end, which is pretty nice for a sad!fic.

Here are the things this fic made me think about. Slight spoilers for the story are contained herein:

LWJ. I’ve talked before about how one of my favorite things about LWJ is that he moves on. I always think of that as part of his resilience and strength, but in this fic, his decision to move on isn’t about strength, really. It isn’t a decision at all. It’s because he’s an animal.

The fact that LWJ is an animal isn’t explicitly mentioned in the fic and isn’t really what the fic is about. But the fact remains that humans are all animals, and animals are biological, and biology is a product of evolution, and life that survives happens to survive because it has mechanisms to survive. Humans like to think that we are stories, and we tell ourselves stories of who we are, and when our story is destroyed, we think that we should be destroyed too.

We forget that we have bodies, and our bodies want things for us—not just food and water and sleep. Our bodies want us to love our brothers and teach our children. Our hearts and minds want that for us, even when sometimes our conscious understanding can’t. That’s what LWJ in this story is.

LXC. Because I thought this story would focus on LWJ’s grief, I didn’t consider the range of time it might cover, which extends past the events of canon. One of LXC’s lovers murdered his other lover, among other things. LXC has his own grief, and he handles it in a completely different way than LWJ, because grief takes many forms and many shapes. The story doesn't directly discuss all the different ways we handle grief but instead shows it beautifully.

LSH. I might’ve told this story before, but once when I was maybe eight, my mom was telling me about something she and her best friend did in high school. I’d never heard of this best friend or ever even thought about my mom in high school. I asked her if she still talked to her friend, and she said probably not. I asked why, and my mom said she’d moved away and had a different life now.

Later that night I thought about it, and I cried and cried. I was heartbroken that there were things about my mom I didn’t know. I was also heartbroken that she had a different life now, that because she had her life here with me and my dad and my brothers in the place where we lived, she couldn’t also have a life with her best friend where she used to live. I was also heartbroken about the fact that I couldn’t witness or be there for the life that she had had. Basically, I was heartbroken over the fact that time exists and mind melds don't.

I think the shattering revelation that people have their own internal lives is something that’s kind of hard to hold in your brain at all times. I think it’s particularly hard for children, which makes it almost impossible to do when it comes to your parents. They’re just . . . there. They’ve always been there. A fact of existence. They do the things they do, and sometimes it’s very hard to understand that they do them for their own internal specific reasons, rather than that’s how the universe itself was built.

This is LSH in this fic. He continually is faced with the fact that his father is his own person who is built on his own history. LSH wonders about it, and yet his mind also slips off of it, because that’s just the way his father is.

But as we grow older, we often begin to understand our parents more and more. In so doing, we often begin to understand more and more about ourselves, and that’s also what this fic is about.

#fic rec #mzds #lan wangji #lan xichen #lan sizhui

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meimei-bunnie · 2 years ago

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wanted to add more to this even though nobody asked!

I think I mentioned everyone in JC's inner circle except for JYL. A person's comment on my og post made me start thinking again and I agreed with their thoughts + had more to say so here I am.

JYL was essentially the only person who actually showed JC love as it is supposed to be. Everyone knows just how much both JC and WWX loved her (and as they should, JYL my beloved </3). That's why her death becomes the final wedge that broke apart JC and WWX's relationship.

In JC's eyes, WWX simply chose to give up his spiritual cultivation and instead started demonic cultivation. That was a part of the betrayal he felt too, but he could live with that as long as it wasn't affecting any of them. Except, it ended up costing him the only person who was full of unconditional love and support.

That scene in the Nightless City shows clearly that WWX did not try to kill her on purpose. The fierce corpse got out of control. But the reason why JC blames him repeatedly after that is because he thinks if WWX had never gone down this path, all of this could have been avoided. His hatred towards demonic cultivation and WWX stems the strongest from JYL's death. If WWX hadn't gone 'rogue', then the war at Nightless City wouldn't have happened. And there would not be a guy seeking revenge on him that JYL would have to get in the middle of, eventually killing her off.

WWX's sense of justice leads him to that path, and JC hates that. He wants WWX to choose their family over the Wens, but WWX didn't. That also contributes to the feeling of betrayal.

This is precisely why I think that after the climax at Guanyin Temple, JC realises just how much they both did for each other but never spoke about that led to so many misunderstandings and hard feelings. But a grudge of 13 years does not heal in one day, and nothing he could have said would make up for the lost time and harsh words.

All of this counts to why I don't like some of CQL's decisions where they differ from MDZS. (I haven't finished CQL yet tho, so forgive me if I understood something wrong!) Firstly, that they showed some budding romance between Wen Qing and Jiang Cheng. Putting aside how I personally don't feel like their personalities are compatible, I refuse to believe that JC would have been so heartless if Wen Qing was someone important to him. The reason why it works in MDZS is because he doesn't personally know the Wens, and does not remember what they did for him because he was unconscious most of the time. If he had known and loved Wen Qing, I believe she would have been a part of his inner circle. But let's just say that since nothing blossomed of their feelings, WQ never made it into the circle in the first place, allowing for CQL JC's actions.

Secondly, they showed that it was actually JGY who played the other notes at Qiongqi path and Nightless City that led to the death of JZX and JYL. I personally prefer the MDZS version precisely because it shows why Demonic Cultivation was not attempted before. It is possible to lose control. Everything that LWJ stressed to WWX before his death were genuinely possible results.

I also think that the reason why he lost control was because after he came out of the Burial Mounds the first time, he was not in a right mental state. He had lost his golden core, JFM, YZY, and he was hiding a secret while trying to forge a path that would allow him to cultivate. After he saved the Wens, it only got worse because then he felt truly alone. All of this combined into a very fragile mental state under the surface that the resentment took advantage of, and he lost control in those times.

This adds to why in his second life, WWX seems fine. In MXY's body, after 13 years, with LWJ by his side, his mental and physical state is much much better than the WWX of 13 years before in the Burial Mounds. This is why even though he uses Demonic Cultivation in MXY's body, he doesn't end up losing control this time.

This is all how I see it, and I could very well be wrong but it makes sense in my head, so I thought to share it. Feel free to add or correct me if I got any of the canon scenes wrong due to a faulty memory!

Was thinking about Jiang Cheng last night, and what I understood of his character– and especially of his relationship with Wei Wuxian, because obviously, every aspect of his character is shown through the lens of their relationship owing to the fact that Wei Wuxian is the main character.

I don't think it's a bad thing, but I do wish that we could have got some serious in-depth of a lot of characters from their own perspectives, but it works for me and my overactive brain to fill in the gaps.

I genuinely feel heartbroken over their relationship because I know that the love is there, and always will be. Even if it's now tainted with too many harsh words and spilt blood, the love is still there. The problem lies in how Jiang Cheng was raised.

At first, I used to think that Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan are not that bad of parents but after thinking over it, I have realised that they are not good either. In fact, when it comes to Jiang Cheng, they did a terrible job. JFM essentially neglected JC because of his similarity to his mother, leaving him craving for love. YZY on the other hand, constantly put him down by comparing him to WWX.

Both of these things became a core part of how JC thinks and feels. He never received unconditional love from his parents, and his relationship was strained with WWX, but he still loves them all. He is a classic Slytherin, in my opinion. He is definitely ambitious and loves his cultivation but another thing that I characterize Slytherins by is the difference in which they treat those inside their circle and outside their circle.

So, for JC, the people inside this circle are: JFM, YZY, WWX & JYL (and afterwards JL, but that's inconsequential to this post since I'm focusing more on the JC before WWX's resurrection). Even if they treat him badly, he loves them to death. He would go to the world's end for them, and all he wants in return is for them to be by his side.

Which is what WWX fails to do after the Wen situation. (I'm not blaming him, I totally support WWX's decision; I'm just painting it from JC's pov.) At a time when he had lost his parents and JYL was getting married and going away, the only tether for him was WWX– so when he chose the Wens (outsiders, for JC) and demonic cultivation over him, it was betrayal for him.

I believe there are 3 feelings that ruined their relationship, from JC's side: ① betrayal ② jealousy ③ loneliness.

The feeling of betrayal ties in to the loneliness heavily. At the root of everything is the fact that JC struggles with love; he loves deeply, but doesn't quite know how to express it at times because his own parents were lousy at doing that. (I wanna give him a tight hug so bad ugh.)

The jealousy... Well, that's the factor that ruined it the most. And I believe that if only JFM had looked past the fact that JC's mother is YZY, and had loved him as freely as he did WWX, and if YZY had not constantly compared them, then JC could have grown up without the compulsive need to constantly compare himself to WWX. It's not that he does it on purpose, but something that's wired in him because of the glaring difference in them that his parents keep pointing out, whether it's with his actions or her words.

The thing is... WWX was literally the worst person to compare himself to. He was literally a genius, a prodigy, a once-in-a-generation kind of cultivator. And also a classic Gryffindor example. Brave, reckless and strong sense of justice. That's what marks the main difference between them.

JC would choose his family/inner circle over justice. WWX would choose justice over his family/inner circle.

Those feelings of betrayal, jealousy and loneliness come out in the form of misplaced anger and hatred in the 13 years WWX is gone on every person who does demonic cultivation. I feel like JC was trying to find him too, but it was in equal parts love and equal parts hatred.

The point in the climax when he gets angry at WWX and mocks him about how good he is, and constantly better than JC that he even gives away his golden core– that scene hurt me so much. I was really upset with him, but well, his words struck me. Even now, he is still comparing himself to WWX. He has always tried to catch up to the image of WWX, in hopes of gaining his mother's pride and his father's love and even long after they are gone, he feels the need to prove himself to the rest of the world that he is Jiang Cheng. He is Jiang Wanyin, heir to the Yunmeng Jiang clan and worthy of leading them.

It's literally no secret how much he despises that everyone sees him as someone 'not Jiang like'. Their motto doesn't match him. But WWX does. WWX gets his father's love freely. WWX is the talented cultivator that everyone praises and sees, and it's never him. Never JC.

He spent his entire life trying to catch up to WWX, then chasing him in hatred, only to realise that he never could. No matter what he did, he would never measure up to WWX. And he is grateful, he is thankful for what WWX did, but it came out in the usual way all his feelings do: anger and derision. That scene hurts, but it made me finally understand JC.

Honestly, my biggest takeaway from all this was that JC deserved better parents. I love him and I love WWX and I want their relationship to be better desperately but knowing that with all that has happened, I also know it's going to be really really hard. I still want to believe in my own hc that post-canon, they sit down and talk like mature adults and get all this out of the way.

Be the brothers they always should have been, even if they can't be the Twin Heroes of Yunmeng anymore.

(Sorry this got a little long hahaha~)

Edit: And I just want to add that JC never needed to compare himself or 'catch up' to WWX. That's where his parents failed him. Nobody telling him that he is enough and wonderful and loved as he is. I would love to jump in and just, give him a tight hug and say all these things to the younger JC. That I'm proud of him. That's he's enough.

#meimei rants #jiang cheng #jiang wanyin #character study #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #yunmeng bros #wei wuxian #wei ying #jiang yanli #imagine their relationship as a volcano that is bubbling beneath the surface and then blew up because of jyl's death #that's the mental visual i have

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besanii · 4 years ago

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I'm really curious about lwj meeting a-yuan. I mean, they met in the past, will lwj recognize him? Will he finally learn about wwx's involvement with the eyes of god?

There is a young man sitting by the bed with Wei Wuxian’s wrist between his fingers when Lan Wangji enters the room. His first thought is danger—they may be married now, but there are still those who oppose the union, and Wei Wuxian’s presence in his life, both socially and politically—and he immediately shifts to a more guarded stance: shoulders back, feet planted, eyes focused on the stranger in such close proximity with his consort. But then Wei Wuxian laughs quietly and shakes his head fondly and the fear eases enough to allow the tension to bleed from his person as he takes another step into the room.

Wei Wuxian spots him first, over his visitor’s shoulder, and his smile widens with delight.

“Lan Zhan, you’re home,” he says, beckoning him closer with his free hand. “Come, I have someone I’d like you to meet.”

It is easy to be swept up in the moment when Wei Wuxian is brimming with joy; Lan Wangji had always been helpless against it when they were youths, even more so now that they are married. There is nothing he would deny him—could deny him—if it means bringing Wei Wuxian joy. He’s already walking forward, reaching out to take his hand without a thought, brushing his lips over his knuckles tenderly. The casual display of affection never fails to bring colour to Wei Wuxian’s cheeks, a fact that Lan Wangji has learned only very recently and resolved to utilise as often as possible.

“Wei Ying,” he murmurs. “How are you feeling today?”

“Better,” Wei Wuxian says, slightly breathless. He clears his throat and gestures for Lan Wangji to take a seat beside him on the bed. “Lan Zhan, this is A-Yuan. He is…an old friend.”

The young man slips off the stool by the bed and sinks to his knees, clasping his hands in front of him in a formal bow.

“Wen Yuan greets Hanguang-wangye,” he says.

Lan Wangji stiffens. “Wen?”

Wei Wuxian squeezes his hand and gives a tiny shake of the head as Wen Yuan continues.

“Please be assured that I mean you no harm, Wangye,” he says. He lifts his head to allow Lan Wangji a proper look at his face; his eyes are bright and clear, no hint of deception in them that he can see. “My bogong was Yiling-hou, Wen Ruoheng.”

Wen Ruoheng, the Marquess of Yiling, Wen Ruohan’s younger cousin. From memory, Wen Ruoheng had not been a major participant in the war, choosing instead to remain neutral for as long as possible before Wen Ruohan had strong-armed him into obeying. Even then, Lan Wangji had known the man to be nothing but honourable to friend and foe alike and had held great respect for him until Jin Guangshan had ordered his execution before anyone had had the chance to defend him.

That his line had survived the genocide that followed the war and is here in this room with Wei Wuxian…it was difficult to believe. He catches Wei Wuxian’s look of concern out of the corner of his eye and pats his hand reassuringly; he motions for Wen Yuan to rise.

“How did you come to be here?” he asks. “According to the reports from Lanling Jin back then, Jin Zixun had left no survivors.”

At the mention of Jin Zixun, both Wei Wuxian and Wen Yuan’s expressions darken. The man has been dead for almost ten years now, but it seems their hatred of him has not lessened in the slightest. Lan Wangji had had very few dealings with him before his death, most of their interactions had been perfunctory at best—formal greetings at state banquets that had little value to them outside of social niceties—but he had witnessed a few of his more…unsavoury characteristics in the aftermath of the war.

“We left Yiling when I was very young,” Wen Yuan explains. “My father was the younger son of a concubine. He was never really favoured and didn’t have an affinity for the military arts, so after I was born, he took my mother and I to Chongyang. We lived as peasants, as doctors, along with members of other branches of the Wen clan.”

The smile on Wei Wuxian’s face turns wistful.

“That’s where we met,” he tells Lan Wangji. “ I stumbled across their settlement while out surveying the farmlands with my parents. A-Yuan was only three then. I must have been about ten or so, but he liked to follow me everywhere like a little duckling!”

The thought of a ten-year-old Wei Wuxian, still yet to outgrow the baby fat on his cheeks, with an even younger child clutching the hem of his robes, brings a soft smile to Lan Wangji’s face. He glances over at Wei Wuxian when he feels a weight against his shoulder as he tucks himself against Lan Wangji’s side; his heart skips a beat, as it unfailingly does every time Wei Wuxian welcomes his touch, and his ears heat.

Wen Yuan ducks his head politely to hide his own smile.

“Xian-gege would come to visit us quite often while we were growing up,” he says. “He even had me enrolled in school when I was old enough, and personally taught me how to use a sword. He taught me everything I know. I owe my whole life to him.”

“Ah, that’s an exaggeration,” Wei Wuxian says, embarrassed. “I did what I could, but the rest was all you, A-Yuan.”

“Without Xian-gege, A-Yuan would not be alive today,” Wen Yuan insists. “I pledged my life to your service once before and I’ll do it again. I’m not a child anymore, Xian-gege. You can’t stop me.”

Wei Wuxian laughs helplessly in the face of his determination, but Lan Wangji can see the pleasure and fondness in his eyes. He does not yet know the full extent of their history, but he is grateful nonetheless to see Wen Yuan’s unwavering devotion to Wei Wuxian. He beckons for him to rise and resume his seat by the bed.

“Wen Yuan,” he says, once the younger man is settled. “You said you owed Wei Ying your life. What happened?”

Something unspoken passes between Wen Yuan and Wei Wuxian as they exchange glances; although he does not pull away, Wei Wuxian sits up straighter and lifts his head from Lan Wangji’s shoulder, his grey eyes somber. But it is Wen Yuan who speaks, his words careful and measured.

“When the war broke out, my family was still in Chongyang,” he says. “Anti-Wen sentiments were growing stronger by the day, and we were only a very small settlement. Bogong insisted we move back to Yiling, where he could protect us. But not everyone could go—those who were too old, too weak to travel. In the end, only a handful of people decided to leave. My parents and I stayed behind with the rest.”

His hands curl into fists in his lap.

“We stayed for as long as we could,” he continues, staring at his lap. “And Xian-gege helped as much as he was able: getting us food, speaking up for us when others wanted to use us against Qishan, protecting us against people who tried to take their anger and hatred of the Wen out on us. But he couldn’t protect all of us, not forever.”

Wei Wuxian’s eyes drift closed as if in pain, and Lan Wangji’s arm tightens around his waist comfortingly; Wen Yuan continues speaking, his eyes distant and unseeing.

“My parents begged him to take me away, to keep me safe. But then…not even a few months later, a mob attacked our settlement in the middle of the night and burned it to the ground.” A chill runs down Lan Wangji’s spine as he raises his head to meet his eyes. “There were no survivors.”

The look in his eyes is familiar—Lan Wangji has seen it in his own reflection, in Wei Wuxian’s, and in the faces of countless others, both during and after the war. Haunted by ghosts and shadows, struggling to piece together fragments of their old lives. He inclines his head, a gesture of empathy that Wen Yuan accepts with a nod of his own before he continues.

“Xian-gege kept me by his side, told everyone I was his protege, that he was training me to be a soldier. That way, no one would question who I was, or try to hurt me.” He looks to Wei Wuxian then, guilt and regret warring on his face. “I was not in Yunmeng when it fell. I—I wasn’t there to protect you, Xian-gege. I’m sorry.”

Wen Yuan slides from the seat and onto his knees, pressing his forehead to the floor. Wei Wuxian exhales around an aborted noise of protest, his lower lip trembling as his eyes grow wet.

“No, it wasn’t your fault, A-Yuan,” he says, voice choked by his tone fierce. “No one could have known what would happen. You were only doing what I had told you to do. It’s not your fault.”

It is an old argument, Lan Wangji surmises from the way they speak. An old argument that has been going on for years, best left to the people involved for a resolution. He strokes his thumb over Wei Wuxian’s hip, grounding him with his touch.

“Where have you been since the war?” he asks instead. It successfully cuts through the silent argument between the other two, and Wen Yuan turns his attention back to Lan Wangji.

“Travelling, Wangye,” he says. “Doing my part to aid survivors. Searching for…”

He breaks off with a questioning look at Wei Wuxian, who turns also to Lan Wangji and takes hold of his hands.

“Lan Zhan,” he says. “I told you I had been taken prisoner after Yunmeng fell. Do you remember?”

Lan Wangji nods, his whole body going rigid at the memory. Wei Wuxian hesitates, looking down at their hands before he takes a deep, shuddering breath and meets his eyes again.

“I haven’t told you everything,” he confesses quietly.

Notes:

Yiling-hou (夷陵侯) - Marquess of Yiling, Wen Ruoheng (温若恒)

Yet another OC - think of him as like a nice version of Wen Ruohan. In canon, Wen Qing and Wen Ning are children of WRH’s favourite younger cousin and A-Yuan is the son of one of their other cousins (Wen Ning mentions that A-Yuan looks like his 堂弟 - a younger male cousin on his father’s side - and I’ve taken this to mean he is Wen Yuan’s father).

bogong (伯公) - great-uncle (father’s father’s older brother)

// buy me a ko-fi //

Master Post is here

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annalacerda17 · 3 years ago

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I don't understand how some ppl can read MDZS and come out of it thinking WWX was a war criminal, a villain or morally grey, somehow. I know a lot of ppl have talked about this before, but I still want to say a few words, so: the cultivation world was wrong and their opinion of WWX can't be trusted.

Like, MXTX isn't subtle about it. She structured her narrative in such a way as to make it clear what should be believed and what should be doubted from the very beginning. Even though the full truth only comes out later on in the story, MXTX will usually show us when the information isn't trustworthy by contradicting it in some small way right away.

The first thing we learn about WWX is his reputation, which is immediately put into question as soon as he wakes up in MXY's body. MXY thinks he's summoned a vicious ghost to take his revenge, but we're told right away that WWX was actually a very well behaved ghost who never harmed anyone and never sought revenge. Then we learn that if doesn't kill the Mo family, he'll die painfully and his soul will be destroyed - and WWX not only doesn't kill them, he saves the Lan juniors (when we know the Lan clan was one of the clans that contributed to his death) and aids them in their attempts to save the Mo family.

At this point, we readers should know that the rumors about WWX shouldn't be blindly believed. Even if we haven't seen exactly what happened in the past yet, we should know it couldn't be exactly how cultivation world said it. The more time we spend with WWX in the present, the more we should doubt everything we've heard about him from the rest of the cultivation world. I'd also like to point out that WWX is never prortayed as regretful and torn up by guilt. This is not a redemption story, as WWX was in the right from the beginning.

The flashbacks only further cements this, as each one deconstructs some of the rumors about WWX's first life.

The same is true for other characters. Like, we're told LWJ was WWX's enemy, but WWX himself says it wasn't so bad immediately after, and one of the first things he does on page is defend WWX from JC after he saw WWX controlling Wen Ning with a flute. So, naturally, we should doubt the veracity of such a rumor.

It's the opposite with JC, for example. The first thing we learn about him is that he had a role in WWX's death, and his first appearance confirms his intention to see WWX dead again even after he already died once.

In the flashbacks, that knowledge is supposed to color how we view his character. His behavior is toxic even as early as the first flashback, and we're supposed to treat it with due gravity, as we know it'll eventually get worse to the point of killing WWX and hunting down people he suspects might be him (and killing them even if they are proven to not be WWX). And MXTX is even more blunt when it comes to YZY. She outright says that what YZY says makes no sense but everyone just has to suffer her temper. Why does any reader still believe this woman's words about WWX?!

With LWJ as well. We know from his present interactions with WWX that he couldn't have disliked him as much as his past actions indicate if we take them at face value. For example, LWJ's jealous moments in the past could only be interpreted as such with the knowledge we have from the present storyline.

So, this isn't a redemption story or a story about grey morality. WWX was always good and righteous, and the narrative slowly disproves all the rumors about him. We, as readers, aren't supposed to come out of it believing in the mob. MXTX does an excellent job showing us that they have zero critical thinking ability and are all too quick to shove responsibility for anything on anyone but themselves.

#lan wangji #wei wuxian #mdzs #canon jiang cheng #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #mo dao zu shi #reading comprehension

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zenlesszonezero · 20 days ago

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Join Zenless Zone Zero with Tsukishiro Yanagi, the deputy leader of Hollow Special Operations Section 6! Beneath her ordinary office lady exterior lies a meticulous, emotionally intelligent big sister to the team.

#zzzero #zenless zone zero #yanagi #gaming #anime game

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ninjakk · 2 years ago

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Hello, I’ve loved reading your posts on WWX and LWJ and MDZS in general. Spent most of it just nodding along and going ‘yes!’ at them.

I’m new to this world, found CQL/TU a couple months ago and I’m working my way through the novel rn as it becomes available in my country. But something that I’ve been wondering about, partly in response to your posts on WWX’s ‘obliviousness’ to his feelings for/attraction to LWJ in his first life, and partly because the way some ppl seem to insinuate that WWX is … dumb, for lack of better word, for not realising them sooner (which really bugs me); do you think it would’ve even been safe for him to realise that he had these feelings, especially given JC and Mme Yu’s attitude to him and cutsleeves?

Just curious about your thoughts on this, hope you’re well!

Hi there ☺️

Thank you for the ask and your lovely comments about my blog posts 🥰 I'm glad you are enjoying them 🙏🏻

I find this whole question very interesting! I'll try my best to answer it 😊

Personally, I don't like using the term oblivious, because I think that's rather harsh on him and I hope it doesn't come across that way in my posts! ❤️

WWX's attraction and feelings for LWJ are definitely, to a certain degree, subconscious to him. But he isn't oblivious to his feelings, he just doesn't understand them. They were both so young when they met, with teenage hormones raging and the overwhelming chemistry between them hitting them both like a tonne of bricks - It's no wonder they couldn't fully understand their feelings for each other. As I've said before, it probably didn't help that LWJ seemed rather cold towards WWX - not that it stopped him pursuing his attention any less! But we can't blame LWJ for this either, because he was trying to cope with the exact same feelings WWX had for him also. They just dealt with these confusing emotions differently - as so many often do.

I am the same - I can't stand it when people call WWX (or LWJ) dumb for not understanding their feelings for each other sooner. It's a lot to take in! They have every right to take as much time as they need to comprehend such new and monumental emotions. What teenager even understands half of the things they feel at that time in their life?! I think a lot of people forget how fleeting their time together actually was as well. They had three months together in the CR and a whole year past before they met again. A lot happens in the cultivation world over the next few years. They don't really get much time together, or a chance to work through their feelings before everything kicks off. I'm aware you are yet to finish the novel, so I'm trying to keep away from spoilers as much as possible! 🙂 WWX is definitely not dumb, in fact he proves to us all he's actually extremely intelligent on so many levels. He even uses his emotional intelligence throughout the novel, to help obtain information and to understand others. The only reason he doesn't face his feelings for LWJ is down to denial, which he uses as a defence mechanism. He tries to convince himself that the feelings he has are different to what they truly are. There are many reasons he does this. He has a reputation that he must uphold for his Sect, he grew up in a house with (at least) one homophobe and he has been subjected to heteronormativity from a young age. All of these factors add up to a very heavy mental burden, that causes him to bury his true feelings under lies and excuses that he tells himself, in order to counteract his underlying feelings.

Now onto your question ☺️

Obviously my answer is conjecture, because we will simply never know how characters would have truly reacted. Before I take a stab at the question, there are a few conditions I think would have to be in place before WWX could have come to terms with his sexuality in his first life. I think this could have only happened sooner if he'd been able to spend more time with LWJ and certain events hadn't happened in the cultivation world. I also think, even if he had accepted his feelings for LWJ, I'm not sure he would have told many people (if anyone, bar LWJ himself perhaps) at such a young age. But if WWX had realised his feelings for LWJ, and he did indeed tell people, it would have driven a wedge between him and JC. Considering JC and his homophobia, I don't think this would have went down well with him. In fact, I think he would have been disgusted at him - from what we can gather from his reactions to 'cut sleeves' in WWX's second life. Madam Yu took the most insignificant of things WWX did and used them as an excuse to harm him, both physically and in turn, mentally. So it's not too much of a jump to assume she would use this against him also. Of course, he also had his shijie, who cared for him dearly and I would hope, support him emotionally as much as she could. I'm not really sure what JFM would think of it all though. Personally, I think WWX wouldn't have been able, nor want to, continue living at LP if he had come to terms with his sexuality and told everyone in his first life. As I've covered above, WWX is incredibly intelligent. I think he would have realised how everyone would react and he might of hid it from them. I don't think his safety would have come into play, as he'd either leave, going off to do his own thing (becoming a rouge cultivator or working elsewhere - with or without LWJ) or perhaps kept it a secret until it was the right time.

Other than the above I can't really comment any further. I would hope, but I'm not sure how much this would have panned out, that if he had come to terms with his sexuality in his first life, LWJ would have been there for him and they would have been a couple ❤️ But I'm a sucker for a happy ending, so of course I'd write it that way if I had to guess 😂💞

Overall, I don't think WWX or LWJ were emotionally ready, or even mature enough, when they were so young, to come to terms with their feelings for each other at the time. MXTX masterfully wrote a beautiful love story that develops so naturally, without rushing them into something before they were ready and it makes their relationship in WWX's second life even more perfect 🥰

#mdzs wwx #mdzs wei wuxian #mdzs lwj #mdzs lan wangji #mdzs novel #wangxian #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #ask #answered asks #mdzs ask

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plan-d-to-i · 3 years ago

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something I am confused about is the stab wound wei wuxian got from jiang cheng when he seceded from the yunmeng sect, was he lying when he said it healed in seven days (iirc)? or is wen qing just that good haha

Ok so I think this is where WWX's words have to be taken with a grain of salt, meaning that I believe that WWX did heal in seven days because Wen Qing is the best !!! and because his body was apparently uncommonly resilient (and WWX regularly pushed it to its limits)- So resilient that LWJ doesn't believe him and thinks he's speaking absolute nonsense when he talks about putting his guts back into himself and enduring- but that doesn't mean it was a minor injury by any means! Quite the opposite. It's also important to contrast the scene where Jin Ling stabs him :

Clenching his teeth, he could only try for the third time to go around him. All of a sudden, a coldness passed through his stomach. As he looked down, Jin Ling had already pulled the white blade—now red with blood—out of him.

He didn’t expect that Jin Ling really would come at him.

The thought in Wei WuXian’s mind was, He could be like anyone, yet he just so happened to have taken over his uncle Jiang Cheng. They even like to stab the same places.

He couldn’t quite clearly remember what had happened next. He felt that he tried to attack. Everything around them seemed frenzied. Not only noisy, their escape seemed to bump and jolt as well. He didn’t know how long had passed, but when he hazily opened his eyes again, Lan WangJi flew on Bichen, while he was carried on Lan WangJi’s back. Blood had spilled onto half of his snow colored cheeks ...

upon waking :

After his sight finally went from blurred to clear, he suddenly realized that both of his hands were wrapped around Lan WangJi as though he was grasping a straw, clutching a floating piece of wood within water.

He immediately let go, almost wanting to roll away. His movement was so large that it hurt the wound at his stomach. He exclaimed an ‘ah’ as he scrunched his brows, finally remembering that he was still injured. Amid the stars before his eyes, Jing Ling, Jiang Cheng, Jiang YanLi, Jiang FengMian, Madam Yu… Many faces spun around in a large circle.

Lan WangJi held him down, “The wound at your stomach?”

Wei WuXian, “The wound? It’s fine, it doesn’t hurt…”

"iT doEsn'T huRt".... WWX 🌝

Wei WuXian, “How long have I been resting for?”

Only having ensured that his injuries were indeed fine did Lan WangJi finally let him go, “Four days.”

Jin Ling’s sword stabbed right through. The wound hadn’t been shallow at all. How it healed within four days without even leaving a scar behind meant that high level medicine of the GusuLan Sect had to have been necessary. Wei WuXian thanked him, mocking himself along the way, “I’ve reincarnated but somehow I’ve become even weaker. I couldn’t keep going after just a single stab.”

Lan WangJi’s voice was tepid, “Nobody would be able to keep going after a stab through the body.”

Wei WuXian, “That’s not true. If I was in the body from my past life, even if half of my intestines were dangling out, I’d be able to stick them back in and continue fighting.”

Seeing that right after he woke up he began to speak nonsense again, Lan WangJi shook his head and turned away. Wei WuXian thought that he was going to leave. He hurried, “Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan! Don’t go. I was talking nonsense, my fault, but don’t ignore me.”

Lan WangJi, “Even you are scared of others ignoring you?”

Wei WuXian, “I am, I am.”

He hadn’t experienced the feeling of having somebody at his side when he had gotten hurt and woke up for a long time.

So, the narrative lets us know WWX was in fact not speaking nonsense. In the past:

Although he was stabbed in the stomach by Jiang Cheng, Wei WuXian wasn’t concerned at all. He stuffed his intestines back into himself and like nothing ever happened, he even got Wen Ning to hunt down a few malign spirits as he bought a few large bags of potatoes.

When he returned to Burial Mound, Wen Qing bandaged his wound and scolded him as fiercely as possible, because it was radish seeds that she told him to buy.

I love this because I wonder how much selective memory WWX is employing here, recounting that WQ scolded him on the basis of the seeds he brought alone... lol 🌝 Like I'm not saying she didn't scold him about the seeds <3 but she is a doctor.

Now ...benefiting from the Lan Clan's healing WWX managed to heal in four days in a weaker body from Jin Ling's stab wound, yet it took him around seven to heal under Wen Qing!!!'s care in a stronger body from jc's wound... :

After he drank a mouthful, Jiang Cheng spoke, “How’s your wound from last time?”

Wei WuXian, “It healed a long time ago.”

Jiang Cheng, “Mn.” With a pause, he continued, “How many days?”

Wei WuXian, “Less than seven. I told you before. With Wen Qing, it was nothing difficult. But you really did fucking stab me.”

There are definitely scenes where WWX loves to whine and be spoiled by Lan Zhan, but when it comes to more critical injuries he clearly dismisses wounds he suffers and downplays his hurts. This obviously isn't unheard of behavior for a heroic character. jiang cheng is creepy as balls to have stabbed him in the guts and then to ask about it like it was some creepy competition. A broken arm may not be thrilling but it's a big difference from the sheer violence of stabbing someone in the gut and spilling their fucking intestines. Not to mention WWX also took care to injure jc's non dominant arm so he could still wield his sword etc. It's logical to say there's an element of vindictiveness jc brought to their fight that WWX is either ignoring or choosing to overlook. I would also keep WWX's attitude towards his own pain in mind; His dismissiveness towards his own injuries when he speaks of other hurts & physical pain, and his resilience being at a point where LWJ, a powerful cultivator and person himself, thinks he must be spouting nonsense because it sounds impossible...

#mdzs #answers #jiang cheng #Wei Wuxian

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pharahsgf · 4 years ago

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another thing about jzx that annoys me is that sure you can interpret that he invited wwx to jl's one month solely to make jyl happy but knowing his father as he does he was rlly an absolute idiot if he thought jgs would let him come and go without someone getting hurt. even him just knowing this and not doing anything to stop or support it and just looking the other way bc it's clear that jzx Does believe wwx deserves it is irritating af bc he knows how much that would hurt jyl at the very least. idk I feel like he was leading jyl on by making it seem like his family was willing to allow wwx to come out of hiding when that wasn't the case. if he realized this then he probably thought that imprisoning/punishing wwx would hurt her but she'd get over it bc wwx is a Bad Guy, she's just Too Sweet to realize it yet. I think that it's a mixture of jyl and lwj being too naive and their hope that wwx can come back blinding them to the reality and jzx trying to be good to jyl while still being mostly in his father's pocket. what's the use of being a semi-okay guy in the Jin family if he doesn't ever use it to prevent jin-related atrocities? like that's my biggest problem with him is that yeah maybe it was lwj's idea and jyl wanted it but jzx has one of the highest and most secure positions within his clan and the knowledge of what his father is capable of...and he just lets everything happen. like idk if he would have stood up for wwx at the banquet but the way he acted towards wwx when wwx was literally defending himself from an ambush kind of tells me he doesn't really care what the jins do to him. plus if he really wanted to make jyl happy safely he could have arranged visits for wwx and jyl/jl when it wasn't virtually guaranteed to end in disaster, like how jyl came to him to show him her wedding dress. jzx and jc both were in a special position where they could have helped to at least let wwx & jyl see each other more often but...neither of them did. at least it seems like jzx really could just be that stupid instead of jc's like Deliberate malice. but still. annoying

it's true jin zixuan isn't too concerned about jiang yanli getting to see wei wuxian, but his last words make me think he did genuinely expect wei wuxian to be able to travel safely and be welcomed into jinlintai, and combined with his genuine love & concern for jiang yanli it just seems to me like he is most of all just... very stupid. or at least deliberately kept in the dark about his father's schemes & extremely naive about his clan's actions and intentions.

also. you are right he does often just let things happen, even if based on what we know he should have objections to what's going on. like there are some scenes where he seems to have the right idea wrt who to trust and which side to be on, moreso than being the son of jin guangshan would suggest, but then he just kind of... stops and expects things to work themselves out? like he never had to work for anything so he doesn't see why he might have to start doing that now. idk. he's really spoiled and sheltered and confusing.

#replies #anonymous #idk why jgs is ok with his kid being uninformed and useless. maybe it's a rich people thing who knows

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runespoor7 · 11 months ago

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I saw a couple people wonder “what about JGY” and “what about JGY and NMJ”, and the thought wouldn't leave me alone.

It would be different depending on whether JZX was at the path or not. If he was, JGY will be able to utilize the growing coldness between JZX and his father to ingratiate himself further, so that's good for him. In the AU I described, however, I think JZX wasn't there, and so he and JYL are still at Jinlintai. (This is relevant to my JC characterization in that AU.)

For further context, I don’t remember a scene in novel canon where JGY is kept from holding JL, so that doesn’t happen. JGY is made to be in a position to hold bb!JL by JZX; Madam Jin never relinquishes JL to him but that’s unsurprising; JGS rarely holds his grandson either (and never misses an opportunity to make JGY feel unwelcome.)

My usual reading of the text is that JGS dies because his actions resulted in JGY committing unknowing, unwilling incest. That violation of the social rules of family, the fact that because of his father JGY is already “outside” of the proper moral/social order of family, is what allows JGY to kill him. That’s what I’m going with here too. JGY isn't married yet, so...

this got too long

with LXC gone, there’s no-one left to play the world's worst mediator between NMJ and JGY. This is a very weird time between the two of them, but they bond over 100% agreeing that something must be done against LXC’s murderer. JGY doesn't have the pull to get to WWX in Cloud Recesses (LWJ has very different relations to his brother's sworn brothers than NHS would. What's a JGY. Why are you talking to me. NMJ is on thin ice but he does start with a higher LWJ-acceptance ratio at least), and NMJ refuses to assassinate WWX when LWJ has already taken his decision and imprisoned him. It’s not what NMJ would have chosen himself, but it is fitting of the Lans. LXC would have okayed that.

2. This also means that when JGS asks JGY to remove his sworn brother due to NMJ making a fuss about XY, JGY can argue that NMJ was okay with WWX surviving! (NMJ doesn't like that, even though what LWJ retorted in public about WWX’s actions being different from XY stands) they proceed to have the world’s most ill-advised angry kiss.

Neither of them deals particularly well!

JGY has sex issues! Cutsleeve sex would make him lose so many points with his father! NMJ is mortified that somehow hostility turned into acting on desire! (“but it’s not like this is bc of the hostility, you already thought he was attractive when he worked for you” okay but that makes it worse, you do understand how that makes it worse right? “he’s no longer under you tho also he’s your sworn brother you're basically equals” first of all phrasing, second of all NMJ isn't listening to this.)

3. Also JGY did not get access to a handy poison/assassination technique, so getting rid of NMJ for his father is, hm. Not doable. It's too early in the timeline for JGY to consider removing his father (he’s not married to Qin Su yet, he doesn't know about the surprise incest, there is no way he will patricide if his father). So it is legitimately a terrible time for Jin “I can do everything on my own and if a solution involves even the slightest social loss on my part it doesn’t exist” Guangyao. Can't remove his father, can't remove NMJ. (He considers having NMJ poisoned the regular way, maybe by having someone sell Huaisang “medicine” for his brother that would aggravate his condition in the medium term, but he abandons it because it’s just not direct enough, and the problem with WQ being alive is that NHS might tantrum that she checks on NMJ’s health.)

That leaves solving the inciting incident, preferably in a way that won't still have his father demanding to get NMJ out of the way afterwards. XY must go. To ensure that, the trick is to create a situation where there’s no possibility but for XY to die.

JGY isn’t that motivated by keeping XY around since he asked a few vague questions about whether it would be at all possible to maybe possibly bring back someone, and XY laughed. (JGY meant LXC, which he may not have been aware of, but XY’s reaction rubbed him the worst way, so.)

For this JGY brings in JZX. JZX, it should be noted, disagreed with his father in private about what should be done with XY, but the assurance that he’ll be imprisoned/watched/etc (is it so different from what the Lans are doing with WWX?) mellowed him out.

It’s literally just a matter of engineering a situation where XY acts out against/around the wrong person (JZX the heir; JYL his wife) and XY getting cut down in real time. JGY is aiming for JZX because there’s less risk of JZX being wounded than JYL; he has nothing against his sister-in-law and she would be in actual danger.

4. What happens is that XY sees the trap when it’s sprung and turns against JGY, who gets skewered right and proper. Whoops. Embarrassing. To his pained astonishment, JZX rushes to him shouting for help instead of doing away with XY, who gets away in the confusion.

5. JGY comes back to in his bed. NHS is by his side. From outside the room, JZX is shouting at his father that he’d told his father that XY could not be kept alive, he tried to kill JGY, if JGY hadn’t been there XY might have got to JYL or JL. It’s very dramatic, JGY is properly stunned, but he doesn’t really understand why NHS is here?...

NHS replies that his brother regrets not being able to make the trip, so NHS came instead. To see how JGY is doing. Now that JGY is awake again, he can call JZX back - this is an argument that JZX has been trying to have with his father for days apparently. Days? oh, yes, JGY was out for four days.

JZX rushes back in, thanks JGY profusely. Again, JGY is a little stunned by JZX’s certainty that JGY been hurt protecting JZX’s wife and child, but he’s *sure not going to say otherwise*. (NHS is the one who commented something that allowed JZX to reach this conclusion when JGY was out cold.)

6. (this is JGY, of course he’s going to cheat, pay no attention) JGY is a little hurt that NMJ wasn’t there, after all. He shouldn’t, there’s no reason - except that JGY apparently does think they’re still sworn brothers for real. This is all very confusing. His plan didn’t go exactly the way he wanted re:XY, but with that drama the social dynamics of Jinlintai have been altered. JZX is the rising star now, his influence growing everyday, and JGS’s decisions no longer go unquestioned - and JGY is firmly attached to JZX’s social sphere. His… brother is constanty asking JGY for advice. His sister-in-law has told Madam Jin that she considers JGY her son’s uncle.

Still, after a few weeks of no word from NMJ but visits from NHS and the growing, sinking suspicion of what must have happened to NMJ, for NMJ not to be breaking down JGS’s door bellowing about leaving XY alive… JGY goes to the Cloud Recesses.

Respectfully asks the sect leader (who is a bit of an ass and demands as much respect as before the Lans lost some of their influence, under his leadership) for permission to borrow their Wen prisoner, the doctor, and bring her to Qinghe, to see to Sect Leader Nie’s health.

In Qinghe NHS explains that LQR is staying over to perform musical cultivation for NMJ. (LQR is throwing himself into saving NMJ the way he couldn’t save LXC. It’s apparent to JGY that something of an odd friendship, or kinship, has grown between LQR and NHS. The loss of a nephew and the threatened loss of an elder brother.)

NMJ wakes up, and smiles when he sees JGY.

There is again an extremely emotional showdown, NMJ admits that he couldn’t stand losing JGY like he lost LXC, praises JGY for his bravery, JGY admits that he was scared of losing NMJ as well. They have emotional sex. (Later, NMJ might say that he thinks JGY acted against XY as a calculation, but - he shrugs - that was good thinking. It was a good thing to get rid of XY anyway.)

XY is still definitely around so that might be a problem for someone at some point, but he made it out of this story alive! And I gotta tell you, I didn’t think he would.

For the ask meme, au where wwx kills lxc at qiangpi path instead of jzx.

Or gender swap jc au.

Ok, so it took me a while to think this over, because there’s a lot here, and then talking it over with @demoiselledefortune I realized there’s even more than I thought! (still thinking about the genderswap jc one)

Also, poor, poor LWJ. 🙁 (LQR doesn't bear thinking about. That poor, poor man. I don't talk about LQR under the cut because it's too sad for me to contemplate.)

1) So the thing is, this isn’t a noticeably better accidental killing for WWX, because while the Lans may be less the powerhouse than the Jins, JGS will definitely try and use LXC’s death to turn against WWX. And it’s going to be stupidly easy, because LXC was a sect leader and the sworn brother of his son.

(I assume LXC was there because he was invited to JL’s 100 days ceremony and his passing there was a coincidence, while in canon he was already at Jinlintai. So maybe JZX is still in Jinlintai here, the confrontation happening earlier and thus before JZX departed; or JZX is here as well as he was in canon, and LXC was the one running late - in which case, JZX is alive and a witness and might speak up on WWX’s behalf at least to his wife and his BIL, at least to tell them that it seemed an accident. This turns out not to have much of an impact on the grand scale of things OR on JYL and JC’s understanding of what happened, bc they already trust WWX so much, but it does have an impact on JZX’s view of the world and himself. This is less about WWX than it is about politics in general and his father in specific. In that version he’s much more in-the-middle of things, much more aware of being personally dismissed. In that version there’s a chance he and JYL go live in LP.)

Besides the Jins, there’s also NMJ, who is a big fan of his sworn brothers not getting killed and of not shielding people from the consequences of their actions. Just putting it out there where we can see it. On the other hand, they’re not LXC’s most direct family. LWJ and the Lans are, so NMJ lets LWJ take point.

(There's a version of this prompt where NMJ qi-deviates when he hears about LXC's death. In that timeline should WWX get killed NHS' plans never feature bringing him back.)

2) Know for whom LXC dying instead of JZX changes things a lot, though? WQ and WN. When they decide to surrender themselves, they go to Cloud Recesses, not Jinlintai. LWJ and his sect I feel wouldn't punish WQ for LXC’s death. She wasn't there.

(WN, otoh, is very done for. There is no way GSL pulls a Jin to keep him around. He's a fierce corpse and the one who killed their sect leader at that. They execute him/lay his soul to rest. There's no further desacration of WN and that's probably the bitterest comfort WQ could hope for. WQ does try to shield WN when she realizes the Lans aren't planning on executing her, but she doesn't get that.)

WQ would easily get a promise of safety from LWJ for at least A-Yuan, probably Granny, maybe the others - on the sterner end of the scale for the adult cultivators. This is somewhat dependent on what JGS (and NMJ) are clamoring for but JGS wants the Stygian Seal more than he does the Wens and NMJ would be satisfied with the Lans supervising the fate of the Wen remnants. Besides, the most high-profile of the Wen remnants is WQ and she just surrendered herself. WN would say WWX isn’t responsible for LXC’s death, it was a freak resentful energy accident–

3) I think what LWJ does demand about WWX is... that WWX be given over to Gusu Lan. They can lock him up. And purify him of the resentful energy.

LWJ is in a frankly abysmal mental space - it’s only because his cultivation is so orthodox that he doesn't qi deviate. It’s all tearing him up, LXC’s death because of the guy LWJ has a crush on, LWJ’s want for WWX and LWJ’s wish that he could (imitate his father) bring someone back to CR and lock them up and LWJ suddenly being in the horrendous situation where he is imitating his father. The memory of the kiss is now a nightmare. It was always a mixed memory (how shameful, to lose control of himself thus - to take advantage of the one he loved - to lack even the courage to simply ask, either for the kiss, or at least for forgiveness) but now it makes him retch.

It's all twisted in the fact that LXC is dead, because of WWX. There can be nothing between LWJ and WWX now. Simply wishing there could be would be the worst betrayal.

(LWJ remembers the days of their youth, LXC’s delight and gentle teasing at LWJ’s inexplicable liking of WWX. The Water Abyss. And now LXC is dead, because of the boy he was so happy LWJ wanted for a friend. LXC always wanted LWJ to have friends, something akin to his own friendship with NMJ.)

0) (the Problem. The Problem is that I cannot see WWX staying in the Cloud Recesses if he's imprisoned there. If he wouldn't rather die at first, he will afterwards. LWJ thinks of his mother. If WWX dies LWJ would enter seclusion like his father once did. This isn’t something LWJ tells himself consciously.)

4) JC and JYL visit WWX in the Cloud Recesses while he's imprisoned there. JC hates LWJ for it, but I think he's self-aware enough to think “what if it had been Jiejie.” It’s hard to hate LWJ wholeheartedly.

5) WQ is in Cloud Recesses, too. She’ll never live outside the Cloud Recesses again, but it could have been far worse. She’s allowed time with A-Yuan (she is not in forced seclusion and neither is she A-Yuan’s mother but LWJ cannot let himself see them together, or else he starts to think of how she isn’t allowed to raise her kin herself.)

When it comes out *pretty damn early* that WWX doesn’t have a core, she’s the one who implies WZL got him.

(JC is in LWJ’s office clamoring, begging for WWX to be released into the care of YMJ in a hot minute after he finds out - which takes at least one or two visits, because no-one wrote to tell him, and it takes him asking a question about how getting WWX rid of resentful energy and not letting go when the answer’s too cagey to his taste for him to know. If it were just LWJ– but LWJ has elders. plus there’s also LXC’s sworn brothers to contend with; LWJ isn’t thinking of that, and JC will think of it later, after LWJ has refused to return WWX to YMJ.) JC is so so so angry at everyone involved - WWX for *lying to him*, why didn’t you *tell me*, I would have *helped* - WQ for hiding it from him AND not telling him when she told the Lans (to which she retorts that she isn’t exactly allowed a free correspondence. Hmph. Okay. JC allows that. WQ has negative scruples about lying to him about the core rn.) - LWJ for keeping WWX a prisoner here even though WWX is, is, WWX isn’t a cultivator anymore he’s a normal person let YMJ watch over him, let JC - even JYL for having something else in her life that she loves, that isn’t WWX locked up in another sect.

WQ is also the one who sees when WWX is seriously at risk of his life just fading away, and this time she tells JC: if WWX doesn’t get out, he will die.

The fic ends with WQ and JC breaking WWX out of the Cloud Recesses (it’s implied LWJ is looking the other way). WQ stays in CR, of course, but JC is taking WWX to Lotus Pier. There’s no plan for “later”.

#mdzs #ask answered #is this shmoop #oh wait is it hurt/comfort #also note for the future jgy doesn't marry qs bc jgy doesn't NEED to marry qs for Familial Social Points in this AU!#(not that he didn't love her in canon. but the Familial Social Points and Expectations were definitely part of this love.)#nieyao #jin family

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truly-morgan · 1 year ago

Text

[Deaged!WWX meets JC (w.i.p)]

Shuangjie | Mo Dao Zu Shi 14-07-2021

[#shuangjie + deaged wwi wuxian]

What if wwx gets cursed in some way and ends up deaged, but only mentally. His (mxy) body stays the same, but he goes back to who wwx was somewhere between the killing of Tulu Xuanwu and the attack on lotus pier. he has no memory of what happened to ymj, nothing about giving his golden core, SSC never happened to him, he isn't the yiling laozu yet and never died and revived either.

This is young wwx pre-demonic cultivation and pre-war. lsz and ljy are here when he wakes up, but wwx is so confused because he doesn't understand why these kids his age keep calling him "senior wei". even less /gusu lan/ disciple.

The only face he does recognise is when lwj finally appeared upon hearing his husband awoke. But even then, wwx is confused, who are these boys calling "hanguan-jun"? And why does lwj look... older?

of course, lwj who is specialised in everything wy immediately can tell something is off and quickly they figure out what happened.

then comes the moment where wwx starts to feel uneasy about this situation, everything seems off, why is he in CR without his shidi (or any other ymj disciple for that matter)? Also, isn't CR burned down? how come he was allowed here? Aren't the wen still here? Then he asks for his shidi, because this is what he is worried about right now. Why isn't he here? Did something happen?

He can't calm down and they set to lp after he asked to go home. The travel is made with some tension, lwj (followed by ljy and lsz) make sure he doesn't look at himself through anything reflective (which does set some worries in wwx, why can't he look at himself?) Then, when they get to lp, they are refused to enter, some glaring at him. Why are everyone so defensive around him?

After a while, they are allowed in. They were probably new disciples (he doesn't recognise their faces), yet this keeps adding to the feeling of unease. lwj isn't the same, these lan boys talk to him as though he was much older, ymj disciples act as though he isn't welcome here.

And now lp seems... off. Everything seems in place, yet some details are wrong, it feels like home but not quite. A door that should have been here isn't here. this table isn't quite what it should be. Why do many things look newer than what he remembers?

Then he passes ymj cultivator and the robes feel just as off. Is his memory failing him are were the uniform not like this yesterday?

But also...

Where is jc? Why hasn't he showed up yet?

They finally get to the sect leader quarter and even this... seems so off. But it's alright, he'll be able to ask jfm about it. but then they get in and /everything/ if different. From where furniture are placed, the furniture itself and the overall aesthetic of the place.

Then his gaze fall on the person who just stood up, looking directly at him.

And he is pinned in place by those eyes. This looks like jiang cheng, but the idea he would have of his years in the future. He looks taller, stronger, more fierce...

but also displeased.

"Second young master lan, may I ask why you decided to barge into lotus pier?"

wwx is so confused as to why jc sounds so cold towards lwj. Sure, he never was close to him, but they didn't hate each other either, right?

"A-cheng, why so cold? I simply asked to be brought back home because I have no idea how I ended up in cr"

he is surprised by the glare given to him by his shidi, not expecting for him to get mad at him. What did he do wrong this time? This doesn't look like angry chengcheng, he looks seriously mad at him, as if he did something horrible.

all of this makes him even more uneasy, yet he tries to hide it as best as he can.

jc doesn't add any more, observing wwx. something seems off about him. He knows the man can be shameless, but he wouldn't but so bold as to be so familiar with him and dare to call LP home after rejecting him.

After the guanyin temple they kept their distance (to wwx wish) and when they had to "work together" (or rather they happened to be there at the same time) wwx wouldn't act so familiar with him anymore.

Then he hears wwx go off about what he remembers before waking up in CR and it makes jc frowns even more. He must be fucking with him right now, these were all things from deep in the past, days before the wen destroyed LP.

"What is the meaning of this?" he asks, turning to lsz for answers (He is less likely to get mad if it's not lwj explaining and rather someone he got used to after being around jl so much).

He steals glances to wwx as the young cultivator speaks, seeing how confused he seems to be too. wwx apparently ran off somewhere on their last night hunt and he was unconscious when they got to him, they have no idea what happened.

"Then seni- hum..." lsz catches himself, reminded by how wwx nagged them about it, "Wei Wuxian woke up... like this". and by like this jc understood. This was wwx, but him from back in the day.

He was seriously unsure why they took him back here though because he wasn't more knowledgeable of how to get wwx back to himself. "I still don't understand how it concerns me" he does point out, "Why take him here? Doesn't Gusu Lan have the resource to search this... situation?"

"A-cheng, why are you being so mean to me, you know CR isn't for me! Plus the wen are still there right?" He then throws a look at lwj and it is a sentence in of itself, clearly he doesn't understand why jc wants him to stick with lwj either.

jc sighs at that, pinching the bridge of his nose, thinking.

He doesn't necessarily want to deal with this, but he also knows wwx. He /will/ find a way to run back to LP if they take him back to CR. In best case scenario he travels without problems, worst-case... he doesn't want to think of it.

Sure, the cultivation world might have softened their opinion on the yllp, but many were still wary of him. wwx in this state is missing nearly two decades worth of what happened in the cultivation world, but also the memory of what he did & why some will be wary and hostile towards him.

Something in him tells him not to involve himself, but stronger part care and worries for him. jc ends up accepting reluctantly, telling servants to prepare a room for their guests. lwj thanks him for his help and goes to guide wwx outside of the room, yet the man dodges him.

wwx might be really confused about what is happening, but he was able to piece together that, right now, this wasn't the time and year he thought it was.

Was he... in the future? This would explain how lwj and jc looked older and how everything felt odd (even his body felt odd). He has the impression that he should be close to lwj, but he is not? Sure, they fought well together and he does like teasing him, but they aren't close either.

He should be close apparently, yet he can't get himself to be comfortable with this unknown relationship he has with the second young master of gusu lan.

He turns to jc instead, hoping that this future version of him would help him out a bit more. He didn't understand why he was apparently not in LP anymore, but he thought jc would at least help him. He knows how he actually is not really close to lwj!! Plus he has no idea who these two young cultivators (who keep referring to him as if he was old) are.

Everyone goes silent at that, not missing the hurt on the man's face, yet he doesn't reach again, accepting it. This "isn't" his husband, this is young wwx where they have still not had the best of interaction.

ljy seems about to say something, but jc is quicker than him.

"I will take care of wwx for now, hanguang-jun doesn't need to worry".

To this, the lan politely make their exit, lwj clearly tensed, and follow the disciple who came to guide them.

Only once he was alone with jc did wwx manage to calm down a bit (which didn't go unnoticed by jc.).

jc simply asked for a servant to prepare a certain room for wwx, before going back to his desk, showing for wwx to sit with him.

"Do you understand the situation?" he asks.

jc won't run around the bush, he knows wwx si smart enough to have caught up on the situation at this point. He might not drop 2 decades' worth of information on him (not now), but he wants to make sure wwx understand the situation (and situate from when exactly wwx "is from").

"I am in the future?" wwx answers, although it does sound more like a question.

"my, you could say it like that" jc says, "Sound more like you regressed back to a younger self to us" he pointed out, "What do you remember exactly happened before waking up". then wwx proceed to tell him again, a little bit more calm this time and more at ease, allowing jc to have a better idea of when, which he was exact.

wwx had killed tulu xuanwu, but nothing had hit LP yet. truly this wwx was lucky to only have these memories (and hopefully, only for now, wwx really needed to get back to normal).

somewhere in wwx rambling about what they did the day prior to him waking up at CR, somewhere came to tell them the room was ready.

with this, jc decided to cut the conversation here, leading wwx through those halls that were the same yet not at the same time, smiling a bit happily when he realised this was the way to his room.

"For now, try not to run around and stay in your room," jc asked.

wwx was about to protest, but seeing how serious he was, (and remembering what situation he was in) he decided not to argue too much. "I'll come back to get you in the morning tomorrow, we will try and see what we can do, for now, rest".

before going, jc made sure with the servant that no mirror or overly reflective objects were in the room. maybe wwx could accept that he was in the future, but it was probably harder to understand why he wasn't in his own body (jc didn't have the energy to go back over years of bad times and memories).

On the other side, once wwx was left alone he dropped the facade, allowing himself to be worried. He seriously didn't understand the situation and even the room that should have made him feel better couldn't because some things were too off to be /his/ room. It was as if nothing in here had been touched in /years/.

He was trying to process what exactly had happened but really couldn't see how he ended up in this situation. He went to bed when a headache started to bother him.

Now he was back in lotus pier with jiang cheng. This situation was complicated and confusing, but he trusts his shidi. He felt like whatever was to happen, as long as jc was here he would be alright.

===

(Look at me, still having no idea where I go with this. I might have later when I know. I somehow wanted deaged jc dealing with deaged wwx. where he is stuck between all the shit that happened, but also still caring for wwx and knowing that /this/ wwx hasn't done anything per se (yet).

Dunno, just a series maybe of Wei "I have no idea how I got here in the future" Ying meets Jiang "I am tired of everything going bad all the time I need a vacation" Cheng.

also, make me wanna make a wei ying meet deaged jiang cheng)

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[Part 2: mixed feeling]

The next morning, wwx woke up early, a bit confused why he got up this early when he would usually sleep until later in the morning, but since he couldn’t get back to sleep, he decided to go and try to find jc.

Before that, he tried finding some robes, not that he hated the paler one that was more typical to gusu lan, but he wanted something more him. He was delighted to find some clothes that fitted perfectly what he would usually wear.

They looked pretty similar to a set of robes he had actually, now that he thought about it, yet these looked unused.

But then when he changed it felt strange. He had expected the clothes to be a bit too small for him. After all, these looked like clothing he would wear in his teen years, but his body should be at least two decades older, doesn’t this mean he should be a different size?

Yet they were actually too big for him!! It wasn’t comically too big (like a kid putting on adult clothes), but they were clearly not fit for his build. How so? Weren’t these supposed to be his clothes?

This only contributed to the weird feeling he had about his body, something was clearly up. Some things he thought were as tall as he was now taller. Touching his own body felt strange, as the feeling wasn’t quite right. And the strangest of all he felt weak, had his cultivation been affected by this curse?!?

Adding to this how he had not been able to see his reflection one time since he woke up in CR, he was starting to wonder what happened to his body.

He decided he would ask jc later, putting on these clothes even if they were a bit too big (who cares, they were in his room, they are his even if too big). He was ready to go out and find back jc (or wander around LP for a bit), but was instead surprised when he ended up face to face with the two lan kids that came with them.

“Senior wei, good morning” lsz smiled politely, followed by ljy. “We were asked by hanguang-jun to come to pick you up, so you wouldn’t get yourself in trouble by doing something stupid” ljy finally said, gaining a look from lsz for the way he had said it.

Wwx wanted to sigh at them being there so early, yet it was probably to be expected with the usual lan schedule. He did think of running but pushed down the idea (“jc seems already tired of this situation, maybe I shouldn’t add to it... for now”).

So he followed them and he found jc and lwj eating in the room, sitting at a good distance from one another. Wwx missed how lwj moved a bit so he could sit next to him, instead of directly going to sit next to jc, already greeting him and being happy to see him again.

“We were trying to figure out what happened to you,” jc said when wwx asked what they had been talking about before they got here.

And this was actually the only thing they all talked about as they were waiting for a servant to bring them breakfast. Wwx had somewhat stopped listening, as he had no recounting of what they were talking about.

When the food finally came in wwx was a bit puzzled as to why he had such bland food too, throwing confused glances to jc. Had they cooked him the same thing they did for the lan? Such bland and boring food? “A-cheng, won’t you let me steal some of your food?” he asked teasingly.

When he did try he was surprised when his hand was pinched away, making a dramatically offended face “A-cheng, why so mean!” he said, yet didn’t try again.

He really wanted to push again, but he felt like things were off. He felt like if he were to push this older jc too much, the man would seriously get mad, nothing like what he was used to from his grumpy shidi. Honestly, the last thing he wanted was to really offend and upset him.

Yet, after a while, he saw jc reaching for his bowl, leaving in some of his spicier food, making him grin.

The younger lan boys gave an uncertain look to lwj, unsure how the man felt at seeing his husband acting like this with slj, yet they couldn’t read anything, his face as impassive as usual.

Breakfast was unusually quiet for what ymj meals could be, probably because most lan do not speak while eating (even outside of gusu lan). Which jc didn’t mind, since he didn’t have much to share with his guest, even less since it was someone, he wouldn’t normally welcome like this.

Yet wwx would still start talking to him by moments when the silence would get under his skin, sometimes teasing lwj the same way he would in the past (although it probably felt like recent things for wwx right now).

This left jc the time to think about the complicated feeling he had since they got here yesterday night. He had been conflicted about how he should feel. He still felt all he felt from all the shit wwx did.

Transferring his golden core without telling him. Deflecting and choosing the wen over his promise. Being the cause behind jyl and jzx death. The way he acted now was as if they should leave the past in the past. He still had all those things that had piled up over the years.

But he still cared for him and somewhere deep inside he knew he would never stop caring for wwx, he wasn’t sure what could actually kill that care he has for him (and he knows deep down that he hope wwx also still cared for him).

But this wwx? This wwx hadn’t done anything yet per se. This was wwx before the destruction of LP. Before giving his golden core, leading him to demonic cultivation. This was wwx who wasn’t affected by war and DC. This was wwx before he did anything that caused this feeling.

Something in him felt like he couldn’t blame /this/ wwx for what he has done because this wwx clearly only wants to be by his side and actually be the twin pride of yunmeng jiang. This was a wwx who in his [wwx] mind would keep his promise because nothing could change him from doing that.

Yet another simply couldn’t throw away all the grieved and anger he had gone through (and he feel like he could never let it go fully). Another part was still telling him not to care and to keep his distance because he would only get hurt again.

Yet he could see how wwx wasn’t playing some joke on him. This was wwx genuinely acting like the wwx jc used to know.

He had barely slept because of his conflicted thoughts and had decided to slowly give it a shot. Test the waters. He would try his best not to snap at wwx the same way he would probably, because this wwx technically didn’t do anything yet.

He didn’t dare to get his hope up, knowing that if they were to manage to cure him, things would probably go back to what they were and he would only get hurt.

But he would try, because he could see wwx was holding onto him because until now, aside from lwj (with whom he doesn’t remember being close to), jc is the only one he can rely on.

Because he still cares about wwx and doesn’t fully have it in him to kick him away when he needs it like this, not when this is the wwx he had hoped to see again.

By the end of their breakfast, he had decided on what to set his mind on, feeling more at ease with this choice (yet still hoping he wouldn’t regret it). The rest of the day went by with wwx stuck to him nearly all the time as they were all trying to gather as much information as they could.

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[part 3: parts of the past]

It took until his second day in LP for wwx to finally see himself and most likely only because he decided to sneak to the pier (as much as he wanted to help with this curse, there was really nothing he could do, so he decided to go have a look at the pier).

He found somewhere in the shade and where the water was calmer to take a look at himself and he was immediately confused. This wasn’t him! Nothing about this face was him, he couldn’t even blame this on a curse maybe changing him a bit, this was just /not him/.

He started to wonder /why/ he wasn’t in his own body and why /no one/ had mentioned that as if it was actually the normal part of it. Was it normal that he was not in his body? Now he understood better why none of them wanted to let him see, but why couldn’t they tell him? It was pretty important!? What had happened to his normal body?

And so he ran back to the sect leader quarter where everyone was talking, needing an answer. He didn’t care for the disciple telling him not to just barge into the office like this, his mind racing as to figure out what happened.

Lsz and ljy jumped when the door was suddenly thrown open to reveal a rather troubled wwx. “What happened to my body?!” he asked, eyes landing on jc for answers.

Many emotions he couldn’t decipher flashed across his shidi’s face before he sighed. “This is actually a long story,” jc said, looking back at him, “And it could take a while to tell you, and none of it might be... pleasing to hear”.

“Wei Ying was offered a body after an incident happened” lwj ended up saying to his husband (if he could still really call him that) to try and reassure him without telling him all the detail.

“Jiang Cheng tell me what happened,” wwx asked, taking a step towards his shidi.

“I do not think sect leader Jiang is the best here to tell” lwj ended up commenting, not wanting for wwx to end up believing he was a monster if jc were to be too harsh.

“Oh, and second young master lan is obviously one to know better when he wasn’t even there I suppose?” jc asked, the frown on his face deepening even more at the clear implication. This only help in throwing wwx into more confusion and worries. What had happened that would make it so hard to tell him? Why were they arguing again?

“Something happened to senior Wei’s original body, and later on someone did a body transferring ritual to give you a new one” lsz ended up telling him calmly.

Sure, he didn’t have all the detail about the man’s life, but he could tell that much without revealing he had actually died. He barely reacted when two pairs of sharp eyes suddenly went to him, although none of the men added to his statement. “Something happened?”. It was truly frustrating that none of them would tell him, it was about him!

Couldn’t he know why he wasn’t in his own body anymore! Especially when the golden core in this body was so weak as though it never was able to cultivate correctly.

jc went to pinch the bridge of his nose again, thinking over how he could explain this without freaking out wwx too much. He wanted to wait a bit more before retelling more of what happened because if they could cure him quickly it would be useless (But he knew that if wwx were to be stuck in this deaged situation, he couldn't go about his life without knowing everything).

"Exactly like lsz said, something happened to your body and someone offered you his body" jc confirmed, "I can explain to you later what happened".

"I can explain to him, we wouldn't want to bother slj more than we already are," said lwj.

wwx looked a bit confused at the man, turning towards his shidi again. Was jc really seeing him like a bother right now?

"Does second young master lan knows what I am feeling more than I do?" jc asked annoyed, "I am the only one here who can decide whether or not this situation is bothersome".

Sure, it was a bit of a bother, but in a way, there was something about it that he still like (despite knowing he should probably not like it).

Whatever lwj might be thinking about him, jc still cared for wwx and was ready to help. He could have just as well let lwj deal with this wwx who doesn't trust his life into his hands immediately the same way the older one would do.

but he didn't because he cared for him.

wwx on the side was confused by the sudden tension of the room, unsure why lwj was acting as if he knew better. Wouldn't he have been by jc side when whatever happened, happened? How would lwj know better?

"Why not work together to tell what is necessary for this question?" lsz suggested. "Like this, if details are missing, the other can add them".

wwx gave the young man a smile at his suggestion, finding this could be a good idea if it can at least keep them from being so hostile towards one another.

So this is how they decided to go, wwx sitting with jc (as usual in the past two days), lsz and ljy ready to be a moderator so no one started to fight.

"I think we should only explain what caused lead to the body transfer" lwj stated before they could start. explaining two decades of things was already a lot to do, but also he didn't want for his husband to be overwhelmed by what he did and caused in the past.

"Finally something we agree on," jc said with a roll of his eyes.

wwx wished he could have the whole story, but he felt like if it wasn't for them wanting to tell him, no one else would.

"Event causes you to use demonic cultivation" jc stated, not interested in reminding himself of what happened to LP /again/.

They explain a little bit about the SSC, how much wwx had used DC (while slightly leaving out all the damage he had caused, this would be for later) This made wwx a bit unsure. Why would he use DC (which he was pretty sure no one else had used before) when he had a perfectly functioning core.

"You didn't have your core anymore, slj did" lwj stated, a hint of reproach in his tone, as if jc was the one who asked for it.

"I gave you my golden core!" wwx turned to jc, looking at him in shock, his mind going wild about the reason that could have pushed him to do so.

jc simply glared at lwj for revealing this, as this memory was something he would rather speak about in private with wwx instead.

"Yes, but the reasons behind it are unimportant for the situation of the body transfer, we can talk about it later"

wwx wanted to push, because this was concerning, something must have had happened if he gave away his golden core, yet he could see in his shidi expression how it was a sensitive subject and how he was already on edge because of lwj. upsetting him was not his goal, so he decided to ask later on.

"Then... did someone make a body offering because I was coreless?" he asked.

"No one knew you were coreless," jc said, a pinch of reproach in his tone that won him a glare from lwj, "I do not think someone could give a body to someone who is still alive, it was because... you were dead" jc finally said.

this made wwx freeze a bit. He had died? He had /died/?!? How could he die so young?! From what they were telling him, he had been doing pretty alright with DC.

"DC was corrupting you and ended up being your downfall" lwj mentioned, leaving out what this downfall had been, "People are saying DC backfired and you were killed by your own army".

lwj wanted to mention other rumours, but it wouldn't be fair as he knew from wwx words himself that jc didn't do it. Really, wy never told him what happened exactly. wwx nodded at that, still a bit unsure what to make of this. it was a lot to take in, that he had died, and apparently from his own cultivation path at that. How could he have gotten to that point?

"Then who gave me this body? Why would he do it?"

"Mo Xuanyu from the Mo family" lwj replied, "You told me he summoned you so you could... take revenge on his family".

This made wwx even more troubled. Someone had summoned him back /to kill/ people?! What had he done in his life for people to think he would happily killed anyone as if he was some sort of demonic spirit.

He turned to jc for answer, yet the man wouldn't get the hint (although he was sure it was on purpose). He supposed it was best like this, he felt like he had heard enough for now, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to hear what else he had actually done in the past for all this to happen.

"I think this is enough for today, now you know why you do not have your original body anymore," jc said as he stood up, "Try not to use DC too much anymore so it doesn't happen again" he simply warned, "cultivate and train your core instead, young master Mo might not have been the best cultivator, but I am sure you can achieve something".

with this, jc ended up excusing himself. After all, he still has a sect to lead. Plus, he doubted wwx was in any state to continue for today and they had already hit a wall for now, all he would do is get angrier at lwj.

Back in the room, lwj stood and went to reassure wwx, yet all he received was a small smile from the man.

He had forgotten this wwx wasn't used to him...

"Is senior Wei alright?" ljy asked, clearly able to see how the man was troubled.

"Yes, of course," he said, forcing another smile on his lips, standing up, "I think I simply need... a moment to process all of this".

He ended up excusing himself too, going back to his room for now where he could process all of what he had been told, his mind racing to figure out how come he had gotten to that point.

No one saw him all day until came diner time.

¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯

[🔅part 4: jin ling]

It took a couple of days before wwx was able to be alright with the fact he had actually died once. In those couple of days, they also went back to the forest where everything happened, yet they couldn't really find anything and the nearby village wasn't that much more helpful in the task of finding if it ever happened in the past (they weren't sure if they were hiding something and most of them were just not good with outsiders).

It was frustrating to say the least, but they were still looking into it. They were back at lotus pier so jc could take care of some things (lwj and the juniors were back in CR to search the library about it).

This is on his return that jc was surprised by jl visit. “I heard words about wwx being in LP and since I was nearby I decided to come and see". Jl wasn't sure what had happened and simply wanted to make sure his jiujiu was alright.

Jc raised a brow at that, somewhat doubting it was entirely because he was in the area. He was about to tell jl it was alright when wwx suddenly appeared, a large grin on his face as he called out to jc. “ymj training sure are as severe as they were back then” he joked before his gaze landed on jl.

He was immediately intrigued, as he did not expect for jin cultivator to come here (although it was probably not that surprising since shijie was supposed to marry the peacock. Now that he thought about it jc didn't mention them...). “I didn’t know a-cheng had gotten closer to the llj cultivator, I thought you also thought they were too arrogant” he pointed out amused.

“wwx has been hit by a curse de-ageing him” jc pointed out before jl could ask anything, clearly getting what could have bothered his nephew. This did explain a lot in itself, jl might not have known wwx in his youth (obviously), but he had heard stories.

“Strange, you remind me of the peacock” wwx admitted, tilting his head a bit as he was looking at jl, analysing his feature. The nickname made jl scoff, somehow knowing exactly who he must have been talking about.

“Of course, jin ling is his son” jc replied.

Wwx gaped a bit at that. “No way,” he said, although he could very much believe it, “Shijie had a son!” wwx then added with a smile, “jzx better have taken good care of her or I'll beat his ass” he then added with a chuckle, missing how jc jaw tightens up and how jl tensed up at that.

“During the SSC his attitude towards jiejie changed and he took good care of her” jc commented, voice sounding off. Wwx was about to ask what was wrong, but a bark stopped him, making him freeze where he was standing next to jc.

Fairy was back from being spoiled by the ymj disciple not too far from here and was now finally coming back to jl. Jl was actually surprised by how worse than usual his reaction was, suddenly making an excuse to go to the pier (“Just finish training, must stink right? I’ll just go bath before we get back to research”).

“He doesn’t know about my parents,” jl asked when wwx was away, frowning.

“He was deaged to a couple of days before the wen attack LP” jc replied, before explaining a bit more about the situation at hand. “He doesn’t know yet what he did, only some truth of it”.

This somehow made jl a bit angry. How could wwx go back to a state where nothing ever happens and where he hasn’t done anything yet, while his jiujiu was still stuck with the knowledge of all that he has lost, some because of wwx. He was startled a bit when jc ruffled his hair a little bit, telling him not to worry.

“I can deal with it, plus I am sure we will eventually find the solution and everything will go back to normal,” he said.

“But do you really want everything to go back to normal...” jl thought to himself when he stole a glance at his jiujiu as they were going to get some tea to talk a bit more.

Throughout the day wwx tried to bother him, teasing him a bit about how similar he was to his dad yet acted like jc.

when he was not accidentally bringing back bad memories, jl could see now who had been wwx in the past and why jc was still attached to him.

truly, all jl wished for was for his jiujiu not to be hurt again...

Original

#my writing #tweet archive #medium story #multi-parts story #mo dao zu shi #shuangjie #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #lan wangji #deaged wei wuxian #they try solving it #and wei wuxian is confused #unfinished #6k - 7k words

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llycaons · 6 months ago

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well I just finished this one where wwx is betrothed to a lwj he had never met yet and he goes out for one last night of bachelor indulgent freedom before getting married and of course it's lwj he runs into but he doesn't know that's his betrothed and they go and have a wild night of carnal pleasures etc. and it's a happy ending they see each other in the morning and wwx doesn't have to worry ahout being married to a cold rule-obsessed asshole etc. and that's fun but like...

so much of the appeal of wx is their very long friendship and how they change because of each other over time, particularly how lwj changes. we watch them ages 15-20 and then as middle-aged men undergoing upheaval and chaos and violence, and making choices about whats happening around them, and not only did they need those years to really get to know and respect and appreciate and love each other, but their relationship development was influenced by the events of canon too. how DOES this wwx know lwj is a good person? CAN he trust him? how WILL lwj react to wwx's inability to follow the rules if a clear injustice has occurred - what stage of his development is he at?

also I was kind of expexting wwx to be the experienced one given the prompt but lwj knew exactly what he was doing somehow so...okay? who have you been fucking, lwj? it doesn't seem like him but sure.

obvi it's just a fun smutty oneshot but it's just not as satisfying to have two characters meet and spend a single night together and then oop you're married! good thing you like each other already bc neither of you have a choice anyway! it's okay you barely know each other because umm the sex was great. everything will be fine now 👍 like YEAH it's wwx and lwj they're love interests they're gonna be in love but it's also weird to think abt a wwx in CR who never gained the noteriety of the yllz and with an lwj who never had to fight his own people for him. the rules ARE restrictive! they DON'T know each other! but I guess he's gonna be okay because uhhh that dragon dick was so good. lmao.

link:

#ficblogging #wearing a shirt that says 'I hate arranged marriage AUs'

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deamaia · 4 years ago

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something occurred to me just now, I think wwx gets to be so childish is also because yanli is a rock in his life and he doesn't have to think about ever becoming a leader of an entire sect. this gives him leeway that jc is never afforded. as for lwj he takes on all the tasks he can. He does it quietly because he doesn't wanna burden his big brother. wwx and lwj both excel at everything they try but they don't have the same motivation or drive which definitely affects their personalities

i don’t know if this were sent by the same person sdfiadsoh but just in case im putting them together if not then whatever im answering both here lmao.

also this is a mess and it’s just me rambling because i have too may thoughts

you are so fucking right. the reason wwx always got to just do and say whatever he wanted without fearing people not respecting him was because he never had the impending responsibility of having to become a sect master so he never had to worry about appeasing everyone in order to have good relationships with other sect masters but jc has that worry even when they are teenagers, like he really saw how wwx just got to have fun at cloud recesses while he was the one that had to control wwx asodfhha and then you have yanli and honestly can i just say that if she wanted to be a sect leader she 100% could???? like she is so smart and kind but she is willing to cut a bitch if they cross her like??????? maybe it’s not what she wanted and she just prefered to have the responsibilities of an older sister and someone at a high rank but also i doubt her father would have ever denied her if she had wanted to be the next in line yk.

maybe im crying at “both lwj and wwx thrived a lot because they both have older siblings who look out for them so so much and shower them with love” I CANT BELIEVE I JUST READ THAT because yes. like i havent been able to stop thinking about how wwx behaves around yanli, like a little kid who just wants attention from his favorite person, someone mentioned how wwx asking for yanli’s soup was his way of telling her “im tired” or “im hurting” and i havent gotten it out of my head since like????? wwx trusts and loves yanli so much im losing my mind. and then you have lwj who is only soft and vulnerable with one person but that doesnt mean he doesnt let lxc understand him, and even if he didn’t want to i doubt lxc would just be like well fuck you then, because lbr lxc has so much love and patience for lwj it’s unreal, also i just love lwj character development and how you can see it wasnt just with wwx but also lxc like the scene where he walks in and is carrying the alcohol bottles to give to wwx and lxc is there???? that would have never happened in the past yet here he is showing his love through acts of service IN FRONT of his brother ugh i could just talk for hours about how much lxc loves and respects lwj and how much he sees him yk

#Anonymous #ask #tu**

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nashanren · 4 years ago

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I hope you don't mind but ohh, I actually have thoughts on this, I think the way he turned out is super realistic! like the mechanism you describe is very real and that's what happened to Jiang Cheng I believe, I mean he is terrified of making mistakes, he follows rules whenever he can and gets anxious when he cannot, he is obsessed with how he is judged by others and he desperately craves to be accepted and seen as worthy and I would link all of these traits to the way he was treated (even if it was emotional abuse only)

but Wei Wuxian? he never really could do the things the right way. at least from what we see in cql, it doesn't really matter if he was right or not, if he followed some rule or not. in fact, he is objectively better at following the Jiang Clan motto! but it's not mistakes that he was being punished for, it's things outside of his control such as where he is coming from or how his uncle favours him. we actually see in the flashbacks that young Wei Wuxian wants nothing more than to be loved and accepted and he doesn't dare to bother any adults even if he has too big shoes or doesn't have a place to sleep at and so I bet that as a child he tried very goddamn hard to do everything perfectly but he was also always very observant and so obviously he noticed that it's not about how hard he tries or how well he conforms he will always be punished for things outside of his control. even his martial arts talent is turned against him because it threatens Jiang Cheng's and so Madam Yu's position

I also read Wei Wuxian as an adhd-coded character, since he shows a lot of adhd traits and to grow up neurodivergent means to constantly break some rules you were not aware were there, breaking rules you didn't think of because they didn't make sense for you, breaking rules because your impulsivity will always override your other needs. it's fucking confusing to feel like you're doing your best, like you would lie down your life for people around you and yet being constantly told that everything about you is wrong anyway.

so at some point you just realise no matter how much effort you put in you will never be able to conform and you can either continue losing your whole energy to no effect or you can just develop a good pain tolerance (which he did, oh how he did). and you know, living on a street as a child is pretty good basis for the latter too

but even with all of the above, Wei Wuxian actually isn't nearly as careless or rebellious as he is painted to be? in fact, I would argue that there is no character understanding written and unwritten rules better than he does in the whole show (yes, including lwj). he complains about Lan Sect Rules but he memorises them perfectly, he is great at controling tension in any room, he immediately realises he cannot make an angry stand during the archery competition and choses to make a show-off of himself instead (to the same effect of preventing the Wen captives from getting hurt), he recites Wen Clan teachings at Wen Chao. Wei Wuxian is absolutely in tune with the rules and the loopholes they carry because he was forced to learn it since very early on. but since whatever he does he expects a punishment now, he believes that he is free to do whatever he finds right and like, what's the worst that could happen? more pain? at this point he doesn't remember living without pain anyway

so to reiterate, I just think that Wei Wuxian didn't have a chance to develop this fear of making mistakes since anything he did was interpreted for a mistake and so he went towards the path of believing himself to be broken from the start and if he's broken and hated anyway then why not use it for his purposes? if he is a rule-breaker anyway than why not break the rules that shouldn't be there? if he is wrong then why not use it to do things the right people would be scared to do?

(and then there's some things both WWX and JC and also Jiang Yanli share, like how they believe they could not be loved unconditionally, lack of self-esteem, how they see love as giving yourself up, how they are ready to easily sacrifice their bodies and lives for their loved ones and each other, which are all effects of having not the most healthy family environment growing up, to put it mildly. but I still believe that WWX ends up most fucked-up because he didn't even get a chance to develop the kind of anxiety-based perfectionism his other two siblings show)

Let's talk about how every time Madam Yu put Wei Wuxian on his knees and hit him with a whip it should have served to produce an adult afraid of making mistakes and not the person Wei Wuxian grew to be?

Like, we know each person deals with trauma differently, but just listen. He should be so afraid of being beaten when he makes a mistake that he would probably follow the rules like no one else in that world.

For real you guys, Wei Wuxian being the way he is, it's a miracle.

#and I think that the miracle was how he grew up with no resentment and no envy indeed #like to be told your wrong constantly and still chose to do the right things takes a lot of kindness after all #I would 100% blame Yanli's unconditional support for that tho #anyway relating to Wei Wuxian is how I got an adhd diagnosis so I'm clearly biased towards this interpretation but idk it seems valid to me #wwx #cql #meta #headcanon #mine #.text

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truly-morgan · 1 year ago

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[Post-canon, internal struggle, suicide ideation]

Wei Wuxian | Mo Dao Zu Shi cw: suicidal ideation, mention of past suicide attempt 29-06-2021

[#weiwuxian, internal struggle, post-canon, maybe slightly ooc?] (tw: thoughts of staying dead, mention of past suic. attempt, mention of past death)

What if, somewhere after Guanyin temple (maybe a couple of years) shits settles down a bit, but of course, tension is still here. one night hunt, where an area has had many problematic spirits, both ymj and gsl disciples are here, including jl who joined to give a hand (and to meet his friend after so long).

Things are still tense between shuangjie (and don't even mention hgj), but they talk a bit through the years and can now stay in the same area (even room!) without being at each other's throats.

But at some point, an argument started (wwx should probably have kept his mouth shut when jc brought up jzx). the argument escalates to a point where wwx gets on the defensive and says things he might not think, only making jl more upset than he already was, making everything worst.

Jl in sick of hearing wwx badmouth his dad (though he /did/ see a change in recent years), and only remembering the thing he heard about wwx past relationship with his dad and what he did and years of frustration have build-up and he just blows up, he needs to get it all out.

"How can you tell he wouldn't be great today? *you* are the reason my father is *dead*, and don't even mention how my mother would think, you weren't with her when she married him, how would you know what their relationship was like? You couldn't know today either because you are also the reason she *died*, if it wasn't for you and your stupid choice both my parent would be alive. The one who should be dead is /you/, not her! You should just have stayed dead!"

after this jl is a bit out of breath, years of resentment out and after jc scolds him for his last statement.

(when he cools down he does wince at the implication of his word. in the past he might have wanted wwx dead, but today it wasn't really to that point. he was by no means close to him, but still).

but for now, jl looks back towards wwx as he's about to argue against what jc said.

but he stops in his attempt. Something seems wrong, wwx body language seems off, lwj looking carefully at his husband while lsz looks uneasy at his own words.

Something is wrong and he can't put his finger on it.

"You're right" wwx finally says, a smile that seems a bit too stiff on his lips, "I caused that didn't I? I truly have no say in this, my apologies sl jin".

and this seems even more off, even jc frowns at it because something seems wrong with his shixiong.

then wwx tries to laugh off being scolded like this by his shijie's son "Don't look like this lz, jl is right" and instead grabs his arm, trying to pull him away as he says they'll just go see in another part of the forest if they could be needed.

jl stops lzs before he could go, trying to ask what was wrong, only to see more uneasiness on his friend's face, "I don't think it would be appropriate to talk about this here" he says looking around, eyes also avoiding jc staring, "But you don't need to worry, senior wei is... alright".

jl isn't convinced, but he doesn't want to force his friend to tell him. On the other side, a queasy feeling settles in jc, because this doesn't feel right, even less if it something that shouldn't talk about anywhere that is private.

Something happened for sure.

for the rest of the night, wwx acts a bit weird, but he does settle closer to what he usually is like. yet, anytime someone crosses their path, hgj is uneasily keeping his eyes on him, scanning his every move and expression.

some even find it odd how hgj actually seems to not let wwx approach anything that could actually be dangerous. Isn't senior wei a good cultivator? Can't he deal with these rather small fries himself? why stop him from doing so?

=======

Everything goes alright until everything is over and wwx is left alone with himself and his thoughts (lwj forced to go to paperwork and wwx saying he needs some alone time).

and the spiral back into guilt and self-loathing comes back. wwx had managed to push them far to the back of his mind, but jl words had triggered it.

Why was he here? He should be dead. He was good dead and apparently, everyone was doing better when he was dead, so why was he still here? Causing problems for everyone around him?

being a reminder of what people had lost because of /him/? Being the worse shixiong ever? Reminding jl of why and how exactly his parent died? being the creator of something that was now eating at many young cultivators who were trying to follow his old path?

He should have stayed dead and everyone seemed to agree with him.

He did try to find a way to bring back mxy, in the hope his soul hadn't completely shattered. He knows how it would have affected lwj, but this time he could have given a proper goodbye to the man. he felt really lucky that he could actually be happy when the sole purpose to his revival was to /kill people/. another thing to the list, apparently he was only good to kill people...

He had been happy like he should not be allowed, he could have said goodbye to lz and given mxy a chance to have a better life, maybe lwj would have accepted his last wish of making sure mxy would be alright.

But his research was fruitless and it seemed rather impossible for him to bring back mxy (this is also probably what ticked lwj suspicion.) but if he couldn't at least give mxy a second chance, he could give everyone else what they wanted and simply die. His reason to be alive was only to serve a purpose in the first place and it had already been done years ago, so truly he had no reason to be here.

So he tried to die again, which failed by very little because lwj found him before he could succeed in that.

With that, he had disappeared from "the public eyes", kept under close watch as to not have him tried something like this again. They tried working through the issue They have sessions where lwj plays him song of clarity when his suicidal thoughts come back stronger. It took months before he was able get back on his feet, although he is still under close watch from lsz and lwj after all these years.

this was the first time in a very long time since wwx had such a violent surge of these thoughts, even if he tried to hide it (they had already helped him so much, he cannot depend on them forever, right?).

he was surprised when lsz came to him to play soc, it did help him calm down from his sudden attack and it took a very long time for both lan to bring him back to a more stable state of mind, lwj joining as quickly as he could (paperwork were not as well done, as usual, that is for sure). They didn't sleep that night, but making sure that wwx wouldn't do something to harm himself and make him understand that no, he didn't just do bad things in his life, even in this second one he has helped many people.

It did take a while for wwx to do better again (lwj and lsz never leaving his side).

====

lsz would probably eventually tell jc if the man were to come back to him about it. there was still tension between the two, but clearly, slj couldn't just drop all his worries for wwx even after everything (talking through some stuff also did help). Maybe jl would also be told.

The number of people knowing about wwx attempt is very low, kept to the bare minimum. Of course, he and lwj know, and so do lqr and lxc since they are lwj family. The healers who saved wwx know (although they do not have the full situation about wwx mental state at the time).

the only "outsider" who know is ljy, since lsz did need someone to talk about it that wasn't as affected by it as lwj was.

so adding two people that were related to jc in a way wouldn't be bad either.

lsz really felt like jc could know (which could be helpful if anything were to happen in the future and only jc was around, at least he would know about wwx struggles).

He would probably be a bit hesitant to tell jl at the same time, despite not wanting to hide it from it either lsz wouldn't want his friend to possibly think what happened was entirely his fault (wwx had some low time over the years after all), he could see where the frustration come from and he hadn't watched his words (but it could help in the future.

I do wonder how they would react

====

(sorry for the much more angst and dark thread, I got a low earlier and had angst idea)

Original

#my writing #tweet archive #short story #mo dao zu shi #wei wuxian #lan wangji #lan sizhui #post-canon #internal struggle #wei wuxian need helps #suicidal wei wuxian #cw suicide #cw suicide attempt #cw suicide ideation #1k - 2k words

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