#also I'm sure your dream is achievable!! and yeah just starting to write is the best strategy

[arrgh-whatever]

I have unrealistic dreams of writing (and maybe publishing) a book one day and so sometimes ill come across an artist online and put them on my mental list of "id sell a kidney to have this person do the illustration"

Its only a list of like 3 people so far, 2 of which i have suddenly ceased to remember and one of which is you because you draw things somehow the exact same way i see them in my head but better and cooler and more interesting and i would genuinely die if that were to happen

Id just need to write a book first... but i always push it off... maybe i should calm down a bit and focus on step one and actually work on my writing like you with your art lol

Anyway thats just like a thing i thought of and idk i thought id tell you because. Idk i personally think that if i appreciate someones work i should tell them about it, theres too many people who will only point out things they dont like when actually what we need is for people to be encouraged and to see that even other people like what theyre doing

Badly explained but you get what i mean (hopefully)

Sorry for the long ask lol but i hope you have a great day forever thank you for making people happy on the internet ok bye :)))

Anyway

ohh, that's an honor, thank you!! :]

have a great day forever too!

[mandyarin]

Spring has come to me

Shohei Ohtani x Reader (female pronouns)

Synopsis: A story of love between the team physician and the superstar of the team.

Author's note: Hey y'all this is my first ever fic! I have been reading fics since forever and have been contemplating on making my own for the longest time and well my first piece is dedicated to Shohei Ohtani, since not much people write for this talented gorgeous man, I figured why not. Feedbacks are highly appreciated, altho pls don't be mean :< i didn't check for grammar or punctuation mistakes so I'm sorry for dat :>> there might also be some mistakes abt team technicalities and dynamics sooo :3

Working as part of the Dodgers' medical team was not really the dream but the opportunity was dropped into your lap and you'd be a fool not to take it. Spring training has started but not everyone on the team has been on the field as consistently as the star player of the team, Shohei Ohtani. Without fail he has been on the stadium even before beginning spring training. As part of the medical team you have been corresponding closely with the rehabilitation personnel that works closely with the players, most notably Shohei. It was slightly different from working in a hospital but certainly a lot less work and stress. Although the higher ups breathing down your neck making sure the star was going to be alright might be causing you a headache. You weren't much for baseball or sports in general, what with being an over achiever who seeks validation through academics, never having much extra curricular unless it involves the academe, despite that though, you have certainly heard of the name Shohei Ohtani and the ripples of his achievements.

You were at your office, contemplating the best course of care to be administered to common baseball injuries and rehabilitation, personalized treatment, the best apparatus to use. Your mind running through every possible scenario and making contingency plan for each. Not only is your skill and credibility as a professional on the line but also a player's professional career. Everything has to be perfect. Nothing more, nothing less.

A knock came through the door, "Come in" you called.

"Hey would you like to meet the players? They're out on the field right now, I figured we introduce you", Called out a staff member as he entered through the door.

"Yeah, sure. Let me just save this and I'll be right out."

There wasn't much distance to walk out on the field, you see the long stretch of players talking amongst themselves, stretching, checking out their equipments.

"Alright, everyone listen up. This is the new team physician joining us this season. She will be corresponding with the medical staff and personnel in ensuring the best care and treatment for every single one of you. She is one of the best in orthopedics. I expect that you guys will heed her advices regarding to your health." The team manager gathered everyone near him and had me introduce myself to everyone present.

Everyone had the opportunity to introduce themselves, accompanied by a handshake. Soon it was the superstar's turn. A hand that shook yours in greeting, dwarfing it in his roughed up hand. He gave you a smile that reached his eyes, you like his eyes, you decide. Like crescent moons as he gives a slight chuckle.

It wasn't all that hard to get occupied with Shohei's matters, you had to correspond with his surgeon about his recent surgery, you had to be in constant communication with the physical therapist in charge of him and you had to plan and administer the best care for his current state. One might say that you are too focused on him despite being the team physician but that is just the effect of having a $700 million player in your care. Not a thing spared if it's for his well-being. Besides he's the only player in the current roster with the most recent surgery done and you'll be damned if he's not good to go when the season starts.

Being in close proximity with him made you realize things about him. The talent he has and the grit he puts in everything he does on the field makes him the amazing player that he is, you have not seen someone as dedicated as he was in their craft. He's meticulous in his actions, moves with intention. Careful and purposeful. When he is off the zone, his laughter rings, albeit like a hyena. Wide smiles and the carefree way he carries himself. So carefree but so sure. You have never seen him look like he was out of place in his new team. He always looked like he belonged where he is, wherever might that be. An energy so magnetic but the type of magnetism that pulls you in slowly, carefully, like a smooth caress and then when you least expect it you were pulled into his orbit and you were none the wiser.

It started when he would be in your space. Rushing towards you as he finishes his set, like he has a special radar that is exclusively for you. Whether you're observing him or the other players or talking to other staff members. Nothing will stop him from going to you. Smiling down at you with a boyish smile, engaging you in conversations like "What have you been up to?", "Are you here to supervise?", "Are you here to see me?", "I'm gonna practice my batting today, can you check my form?". It flustered you at first but it has been such a common occurence that it has failed to phase you anymore.

Then, he would message you outside working hours. Sending pictures and videos of his adventures with Dekopin, fully taking advantage at the fact that you are weak for cute animals. You guys would talk about the everyday mundane things like the weather, food, hobbies and many other things. Then came more personal questions that dug deeper to reveal more of each other. A peek inside this amazing athlete, the person inside. Grasping the melancholy he feels, the little joys in his days, the trepidation that tomorrow brings, the pressure of the pedestal that he was put on. He seemed a little more human, a little more relatable. A little more like a boy who dreamed big and is now living it but still grasping at what was lost.

Then came the invites. Inviting you outside working hours for food, hanging out at his home, tagging along at Dekopin's vet appointments and anywhere else you could think of. Of course, there is definetely skepticisms and wariness with all these invites. He was a man who has his whole country watching him through the media's lenses, whether it be from reputable sources or the tabloids. For him to be seen with a woman was a sentence. Sentenced to be lump into rumors and gossips. The man of the hour and his partner. It was a headline just waiting to happen. But you reasoned with yourself. Surely they are aware that you are one of the team physicians, right? Surely they'll think it's just an appointment outside working hours, a bit unconventional but people wouldn't think you guys are together, right? Right. No one will think so. You were just a team doctor hanging out with one of your team's player, nothing more. You said in your head like a mantra, as you accept his offers to go out. Truly hoping for it to be the case.

The realization came to you on a quiet night. You didn't mind the closeness of Shohei, you didn't mind that he would come running to you whenever he sees you, in fact you enjoyed seeing him jog to you and grace you with that ever so handsome smile of his. He fills your head with mindless ramblings and chats, you think you would hate it since you have learned to value silence as your companion but you found out you didn't. His voice and presence now accompanies you too. You found that you didn't mind being linked to him. You didn't mind if your face or name will be plastered on a headline on Japanese newspapers or tabloids by tomorrow. You didn't mind people writing about you and your relationship. It really doesn't matter. What matters is if he is happy, it matters if he is comfortable with you accompanying him to whatever and wherever and well, he is happy, he is comfortable. What matters is that you love him. You have learned that Shohei has wormed his way to your heart slowly but surely and he is there to stay, taking hold of a chunk of your heart. Ready to hold his hand tightly and face the world. Courageously love and be loved.

Shohei was intrigued by you, you were young, the youngest physician he has seen on the team and yet you managed to be one of the best orthopedic in the country and landing a job at Dodgers, well he might have also been struck by your outwardly appearance and honestly he isn't shy to admit that. You are beautiful.

You are a constant presence in his training, checking up on him and the others, taking special care of him and his recent surgery. He noticed how you're a little stoic, maintaining that air of professionalism like an armor, your brilliance showing through the improved physical care of the players and everyone surely took notice of it. But you were also coy, giving him small smiles or chuckles when he finds courage to talk to you or when you're assisting him on his rehab exercises, putting slight pressure on his forearms and chest, eyes shyly meeting his. It never fails to makes his heart flutter like a teenager.

You had a strong wall built around you, from past hurt, perhaps? He doesn't know but he vowed to himself that he will do anything to break it down or climb his way up over to you. Meticulously planning everything to give his heart and to have yours.

Shohei figures that you love cute and loveable things and he thinks Dekopin could be the best wingman for the job. He was cute and loveable, the perfect tool, the perfect excuse to message you. He knows you couldn't resist and from then on he would talk and talk until you'd answer, he didn't mind waiting he knows you're busy and he knows you might not be used to it. It's okay he'll glady start the conversation if it means getting to talk to you. He's patient and he will wait until you come around. The conversations turn personal at one point and he saw a little more of you. The anxious, perfectionist that is a tad bit hard on herself. A tortured genius, if you will. He can sympathize with you in that regard, with both being young people on such peaks of successes, people from your respective fields waiting on your next moves, ready to pounce when the chance arises. It's exhausting but he figured he wouldn't mind being exhausted together.

Shohei knows he's always being watched, he knows paparazzi are lurking at corners near the stadium, near his home, and wherever places he frequents to. He admits it is a little selfish of him to invite you to his home, or wherever outside work. He knows there is a big possibility of getting caught and photographed but he couldn't give a damn. He doesn't care if people speculates about his romantic life if it is with you. He doesn't mind giving out a statement that you and him are at a stage of getting to know each other. He doesn't mind declaring to the world that he only has eyes for you. He knows he's selfish, the press might hound you and pick you apart so he's careful when inviting you out. Always at odd hours, using an unusual and discreet car, making sure to cover your face when arriving and leaving his home. Yes, he is selfish but he is not to put you in any kind of pressure and danger. He cares about you too much to be too selfish.

On a perfect breezy midnight of spring he received a call from you, asking him if he was awake. His heart quickens, mouth dries a little, he answered you "Yes", with a light waver in his voice.

"Alright, wait for me, I'm coming over."

"Okay, I'll be waiting for you. Be safe."

His heart stutters in his chest, you have never called him first, never initiated on coming to his house, he was a little scared but your voice seems resolute like there is something that has to be done and he hopes deep deep in his heart that it is what he think it is.

You came knocking on his door after a few minutes and Shohei almost falls over trying to get to the door to get you. And there you were in your full glory, a little disheveled in your most comfortable sweater and sweats. The breeze caressing your hair, your skin. Shohei can't believe that he starts to get a little jealous of the way the breeze kisses you and be so upclose to you. You also take him in, in his loungewear shorts and thin sweatshirt, tousled hair and a slight pink tint to his full cheeks.

"May I come in?"

He's stunned for a little bit then clears his throat and replies, "Of course, come on in. Don't mind the mess Dekopin just destroyed another one of his toys".

As you guys shuffled inside his home, the air stills and there's an undeniable tension between the two of you. Shyly meeting each other's gaze for a minute and like magnets you draw towards each other. Timidly, you put your hands against Shohei's chest, both your hearts jumping out of your ribcages at the action.

"Is this okay?", you asked looking up at him through your eyelashes. Eyes flitting between his eyes and his lips. Shohei noticed the action and wrapped his arms around your torso, bringing you impossibly closer to him, he needs to feel you, he needs to feel your skin on his, your breath on his skin, your lips on his.

"Yes", he replied as he carefully places one of his hand on the back of your head. Slowly inching towards your lips.

"Is this also okay?", he asked lips almost touching yours as he spoke. You didn't waste your time and finally have your lips meet in a sweet embrace that slowly deepened into a dance of lips flitting at each other. The kiss was sweet and sensual, just like him, you think. The kiss was everything the both of you have hoped for. A kiss that says everything and a kiss that seals everything. You finally break away from each other to catch your breath, but lips still touching each other, exhanging breathes, panting on each other's lips.

"Thank you for being patient with me. I love you." You said to him, lips touching his as you speak. He gives you a long peck.

"I'll be here always waiting for you, I love you too. I love you." He utters to you sweetly, saying the last part in his native tongue. Conveying all the love he has in those words. He hopes that you can feel his sincerity, if not then he'll just have to show it to you every time until you can feel it.

Truly, spring has come and bloomed love both to you and Shohei.

A/N: I've been inspired by what the phrase "Spring has come" mean to both Korean and Japanese language ik its not yet spring but yeah I just rlly wanted to write about this. Hope you guys enjoyed it <3

[amugoffandoms]

Woo!! It's time! It's time for the gift exchange!! (@milgram-valentines-exchange) Happy Valentine's Day to @mrcrazyvillainvillainn!! I had such a fun time writing your gift!! Truly gotta let Mahiru and Mikoto be silly and happy! I really hope you enjoy!! I've never written a ship fic for any of the prisoners, so I guess we ball?? (Also, let me know if you want the art without the titles!!) JIAWODJIAOW Anyways, here we go! Please enjoy...

do i dare love you? (i have always loved you)

Is this selfish? This isn’t too much, is it? I just love you so much. How long would this dream go on? I guess we can just say that this feeling is happiness~ Do you really think you know what love is? You don’t have to keep it in and hide it away. "I love you", the reason why I'm here This is how "I" will love "you"! --- "To be honest, Mikoto Kayano didn't know what to expect." "Mahiru Shiina fixes the flowers in a bouquet and hands it off to the customer." (Mikoto Kayano and Mahiru Shiina love each other in the smallest of moments.)

To be honest, Mikoto Kayano didn't know what to expect. Getting a mysterious call out of the blue? Well, ah… That’s sure to scare him.

No, no, everything’s fine. No need to resort to anything crazy. 

Mikoto exhales and splashes some water on his face. Turning off the sink, he looks up at the mirror and flashes himself a smile. 

…ah, okay, that was a little embarrassing. Mikoto laughs to himself as he walks out of the bathroom and back to his desk.

He drums his pen against his desk as he moves his mouse around to turn his computer back on. Placing his head on his hand, he scrolls through emails and emails.

…

It’s just the same emails. “Fix that.” “I liked the original design better; can you do it again?” “The deadline moved. Make sure your designs are ready for–”

Ping!

Mikoto blinks and glances over at his phone. 

New Message: make sure to come soon! 

Right, yeah. Mikoto has to head back home soon. Okay, he should really get a start on his work so he can head home early!

Sitting straight, Mikoto pulls up some designs on his computer and grabs the small stack of papers. 

With one more glance at the ideas given, Mikoto starts designing.

Mikoto leans back in his chair and slumps back. The design… is done! This is where Mikoto pretends to hear a soft achievement noise. Ding!

Anyways, Mikoto exhales and looks at the papers on his desk. The design is nice! One of his finest designs, actually. He flips through the papers and nods to himself, happy with the result. 

In the corner of his eye, he notices his boss and quickly waves him down. The second his boss looks at him with a small smile, Mikoto realizes his desk is an absolute mess. 

Ack–! Why did he leave his energy drink can here? Oh, these papers need to be in a folder–

Right after Mikoto finishes rearranging his desk, his boss finally makes it to his desk.

“Chief! I finished the design you wanted me to make!” Mikoto hands the stack of designs with a small smile. His boss blinks, clearly surprised at how fast Mikoto finished the designs. He flips through the small stack, checking each design.

 

His serious expression seriously doesn’t tell me anything… Mikoto internally groans.

“Good job, Kayano.” His boss places the stack underneath his arm. “These will probably suffice for our client. Do you have other designs that need to be completed?” “Ah, um–” Mikoto looks around at his desk. He doesn’t think he does. “...No…?’

“Oh?” His boss asks, surprised for some reason. Hey, Mikoto knows how to finish his work if it isn’t being constantly changed! “Ah… Alright then… I guess you…” His boss looks around the office. “...Actually, it looks like everyone is preoccupied.”

Mikoto shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Please don’t give him more work. Please don’t give him more work. 

His boss lifts his wrist and looks at his watch. “Hm… It’s seven. Earlier than I would like to let anyone out.” 

Oh, please. Please. Please-!!

His boss sighs. “Alright, Kayano. You may head home early today. I’m only doing this because you’ve got most of your work under control and I unfortunately don’t want to bother your coworkers with giving you their work.” You would anyway, but you seem to be in good spirits today…? “Thank you, Chief!” Mikoto smiles. “Don’t expect this often from me. Have a good night.” His boss turns right around and walks away, going over to a different cubicle. Mikoto watches as his boss walks away and pumps his fist.

Woo! I’m free! Mikoto grins to himself as he packs his stuff into his bag. Standing up, he shuts his computer off and looks around.  To be honest, he feels really bad for his coworkers… 

But, he promised to get home as soon as he could. Mikoto glances at his phone, specifically that one notification.

make sure to come soon!

He doesn’t want to break his promise. So, with a quiet exhale, he walks to the elevator and clicks the button to go down. The elevator doors open.

He walks in.

…

“…oh, I forgot to press the button to the lobby–” Mikoto mumbles as he quickly clicks the button down.

Mikoto hears the key click in the lock and turns the doorknob. As he walks into his apartment, the lights are all out.

“I could’ve sworn I left the lights on…?” Mikoto mumbles as he takes the key out of the lock and shrugs off his coat. He slowly walks through his apartment, fumbling for the lights. 

His hands land on the switch and Mikoto flips the lights on–

Arms wrap around Mikoto’s neck. Something makes Mikoto twitch. “Surprise~!”

Mikoto jumps. 

Mahiru laughs above him as Mikoto lies on the ground, dazed. “Ma– Mappi???” Someone relaxes.

“Hehe~ Did I scare you?” Mahiru giggles, absolutely beaming. “A… a little, yeah!” Mikoto dusts himself off. “I think I hit my head… Ow…”

Mahiru’s laughter immediately stops. “Ah– did I hurt you? Hey, let me see–”  Mahiru quickly kneels on the floor and scoots next to Mikoto. “No, no. I’m okay, I promise– Please don’t worry!” Mikoto gives a weak smile. “Let me just look, okay?” Mahiru says, with a soft voice filled with concern. (Her voice is always soft, but these moments, they're just a little bit more comforting. Maybe it’s Mikoto being too detail-oriented recently, but he’s decided to notice the smaller things.)

Mikoto swallows. “Okay.”

She looks at the back of Mikoto’s head, checking for any bumps or bruises.  The moment is silent as Mahiru looks all over Mikoto’s head for anything and Mikoto sits there, quiet.

To be honest, he doesn’t want to say anything. He doesn’t want to ruin it. It’s… those small moments, right? When you know someone loves you. Those are the moments you want to hold in your hands because they’re so fuzzy and warm. 

“I love you,” Mikoto whispers. 

There’s a pause. Mahiru stops checking his hair. Her hands are still. She’s not moving. 

Did he ruin it? Maybe he should apologize and–

“I love you, too,” Mahiru whispers back.

And, they’re back to silence.

Mahiru scoots back in front of him. “You’re okay. Nothing too bad, okay?” 

She says it with a voice that makes him know she cares: a warm, loving voice. It makes him want to cry just because she loves him. 

And, he loves her. And, he'll make sure she knows that.

“Okay,” Mahiru says, her voice oddly strained. Is… is she about to cry? “Um… Okay, I made some food for you. I– I know you don’t usually like big gestures and I really shouldn’t push myself, but… I think you deserve it, okay?”  “Okay.” Mikoto nods. He stands up and gives a hand to Mahiru, who takes it with a small giggle. “Hehe, this feels like a fairy tale~” She hums.

“Hey, can I…?” “Eh? Do what?” Mahiru asks, with a tilted head. “I mean, whatever it is, I don’t mind~”  

Mikoto places a small kiss on Mahiru’s cheek.  “Ah–!! Hey–! Oh–” She’s red, blushing from ear to ear. 

Mikoto laughs. “That was payback.” “Oh, you-!!” Mahiru has an angry look, but her smile says otherwise. “Fine, fine! That’s fair. Okay, come on, let’s eat~ I don’t want our food to be cold!” Mahiru grabs Mikoto’s hand in hers, trying to drag him over to the table.

Her hands are warm.  Mahiru quickly pauses as she looks at Mikoto and their hands. “Is everything okay…?” Mikoto nods.

“Everything’s perfect.”

Mahiru Shiina fixes the flowers in a bouquet and hands it off to the customer. “Have a good afternoon~” She grins.

As the shopkeeper’s bell rings to show the customer has left, Mahiru sighs and melts into the counter.  “Shiina…? Are you alright?” One of her coworkers asks as they walk over. Mahiru mumbles something into the counter.  “Uh…” They laugh. “Okay, I’m guessing you’re not okay. Um…”

Mahiru keeps her head on the counter as she hears her coworker’s footsteps slowly disappear.

Mahiru sighs. She’s really tired… She wasn’t able to get any sleep last night. She doesn’t even know why. She just couldn’t sleep. A lady like her should be getting her beauty sleep! 

Oh, well… She’ll just have to brave the storm! 

Mahiru quickly lifts her head up and instantly gets hit with a fit of dizziness. 

Ah, that was a bad idea…

As Mahiru quickly blinks away the dizziness, she notices her boss and coworker walking over. 

“I wasn’t doing anything–! I mean, I was doing something, I promise!” Mahiru awkwardly laughs as she waves her hands around defensively. Her boss shakes her head. “Mahiru, you can head home. We don’t expect that many people today, and you seem tired. I can cover whatever is left of your shift.” “Ah, but–” “I’ll pay you for your full shift, alright? Just head home.” “Okay.” Mahiru hesitantly nods and takes off her apron as she heads to the break room to grab her stuff. 

When Mahiru returns with her belongings, her coworker hands her a small bouquet with lilyturf, dahlias, forget-me-nots, and red lilies. 

“I know you’ve enjoyed taking these kinds of flowers home recently, so here you are!” As Mahiru opens her mouth to speak, her coworker continues, “And, don’t worry about the charge. I already paid for it.” Mahiru blinks, taking the bouquet and looking at it. “Ah… Oh. Thank you.” Mahiru smiles at the flowers.

“Of course! Now, rest well!”

Mahiru smiles at her coworker before leaving the store, the shopkeeper’s bell ringing behind her.

Mahiru hums as she enters her apartment and quickly walks over to her table near the couch, grabbing water from the kitchen. She places her bag on the floor next to the couch.

Sitting on the couch, she pours some water into a glass vase. Then, she places her bouquet in the vase.

Mahiru looks at the bouquet for a few moments, admiring each flower.

When she yawns, she finally lowers her head on a pillow and slowly…

Closes…

Her eyes…

There’s a smell of food cooking in the air.  She feels warm.

Mahiru slowly blinks the sleepiness from her eyes and looks around. 

…why is there a blanket on her…?  Is someone cooking?

Confused, she pushes herself upright and glances at the kitchen.

Mikoto.

Mikoto is cooking.

“Huh…?” Mahiru blurts out, sleepy and confused. Mikoto looks over at Mahiru. “Oh, hey! You’re awake! Sorry, I tried calling you, but you were asleep. Um, so I let myself in with the spare key!” 

Mahiru glances at her bag on the floor and quickly picks it up. Opening it, she searches for her phone. When she finally finds it, she turns it on and sees the notifications flood her lock screen.

3 Missed Calls

10 New Messages:

hey, mappi ^^!!

i’m off from work so i’m coming to visit!

Ah wait you might be at work

Go back to work!!

i think your door is locked??

hello?

mappi??

i’m letting myself in, ok?

oh dear where’s your key

found it!! Coming in now :D

Mahiru rambles as she stares at the notifications, “Ah– I didn’t realize you were calling. I’m so sorry, please forgive me–”

“Hey, hey. It’s all good!” Mikoto smiles. “You were tired, so I let you sleep. I grabbed a blanket from your closet. Hope that’s okay!”

Mahiru nods and sits there for a moment, not sure what to do.

She glances over at the table, spotting the bouquet. She looks at Mikoto, who has a smile on his face as he tries to cook some soup. 

She knows why she likes getting these flowers.

They remind her of Mikoto.

They remind her of how much she loves him.

She loves him.

“Hey, let me help you, okay~?” Mahiru sings as she hops up and skips over to the kitchen. “No, I’m okay. I can cook, see?” Mahiru looks at the small pot Mikoto is using to cook soup. 

It’s… hm… not the best soup…?

“Just let me help you, alright?” “Alright, alright.” Mikoto, stepping back, raises his hands. “Show me what you want to do.”

Mahiru quickly slides in front of Mikoto and glances at the pot. "Can you wrap your arms around me?"

"Eh–?" Mikoto coughs in shock. "Yeah, yeah– Um…" 

Mikoto quickly wraps her arms around Mahiru and looks over her shoulder as he tries to stir.

“Mhm~” Mahiru hums. “You’re stirring a little too harshly. Relax, okay?”  “Alright.” Mikoto slowly stirs the soup.  “Still too tense. Okay, hold on.” Mahiru places her hands on his. “Okay, now… We’ll do this together, okay?” 

Mikoto is quiet. Mahiru takes that as his yes.

Mahiru, with Mikoto’s hands in hers, slowly stirs the soup. She murmurs some small compliments.

Mahiru lets go of his hands and smiles. “See, you’re doing it now!”  Mikoto breathes a sigh of relief. “Is it better? Honestly, I really couldn’t tell the difference.” “Hmm… Well, I guess there really isn’t.” Mahiru shrugs. “But, I think the amount of quiet, slow care you put into something will show itself." She's made herself learn that love can be soft and strong. Ever since her last boyfriend and she broke up on... amicable terms, she's tried being better. For love, and for who she loves. “I see.” “...I know it really doesn’t make sense. I’m sorry.” Mahiru shakes her head and slides out from in front of Mikoto.

“No, no. It makes sense, I promise.” Mikoto looks over at Mahiru with a smile. “It shows that you care.”

Mahiru smiles back.

After a few moments with Mahiru helping Mikoto cook, they finally eat together at the table. 

“Mappi?” Mikoto fidgets with his spoon. “Hmm?” Mahiru hums, food in her mouth. “Thank you.”

Mahiru blinks and just nods. “Y-yeah, of course…!”

Ah– That was so embarrassing��! Not at all lady-like! I should’ve just…!!

“I really don’t cook often, so that was really helpful. Haha…” Mikoto rubs his neck with a smile. “I mean, I do cook! It’s just… noodles and stuff.” “Well, now you know how to cook one more thing!” Mahiru smiles.

“Yeah.” Mikoto looks at Mahiru with a loving smile on his face.

His smile is so sweet. He even tries to do stuff he’s never done before for me! Ack… My heart can’t take it–!!

I love you.

Mikoto stares at Mahiru before laughing. 

“E-eh?? What did I do??” “Nothing, nothing. I love you, too.” Mikoto grins.

…she said that out loud…

Mahiru is instantly embarrassed. She feels warm again, but she’s not wearing a blanket. “Oh… Ah–”  “Hey, hey. It’s okay. It’s sort of cute, I think…?” Mikoto rubs his neck. “Ah– If you say so…!!”

The two of them continue eating when Mikoto suddenly speaks up again. “Hey, did you mean to make you help me feel like one of those scenes from a movie…?” “E-eh?? No, no, wait– Ah. I really didn’t, I swear!!” Mahiru frantically shakes her head. Mikoto blinks, seeming to realize Mahiru is a little panicked. “Hey, no! I thought it was sweet–!”

Mahiru awkwardly laughs. “I’m glad you do… Um… Maybe I was subconsciously inspired by something…?”

“That’s okay.” Mikoto shrugs. “Everything you do is sweet.”

Mahiru beams. 

“If it’s for you, I’ll make sure it’s worth everything.”

[raspberrydraws]

pls pls tell me about your hcs for the first members of the crew fitting the elements of harmony, i very much wanna hear 👀👀👀

Thanks for asking I love u very much allow me to bring a chair so you can sit down and read all my rambling 🪑

some notes about this absolute madness:

I feel like they fit the element but also some traits of the mlp characters too so I will add that when it's necessary

When I talk about the mugiwara's dreams I assume they've already reached them bc the story is not finished yet like mlp and I KNOW THEY WILL ACHIEVE THEIR DREAMS anyways

Please don't have high expectations ahhh I don't wanna end up feeling like I thought something cool and it ended up being lame, I'm not used to writing or explaining stuff this way (and in english tho oof double brain work)

I'll put a everything under a read more bc it ended up being long and also uhh CW: spoilers for both series yeah

✦ Magic: First of all and obvious reason, main character lol.

Character who gathered the group in the first place

Royalty !!! King of the Pirates!!! Princess of Friendship!!! besides the fact that Luffy's dream is becoming the king and Twilight just had to do it etc etc

Very powerful mentor who's far away but encouraged them to start their journey and find their friends

They're not similar in personality at all I get it lmao

✦ Kindness: oof do I need to say anything

Sanji is kind, that's like one of the traits that made him one of my fav characters (more than his totally badass habilities).

and of course that's one of his most important traits

His mother sacrificed everything and celebrated everytime he showed his kindness, he was a sweet child, he's soft with children and helps anyone who's in need.

He's so full of emotion and can go from the softest to the meanest in a second if he needs to (flashbacks to fluttershy literally confronting a bigass dragon, making him cry and leave bc he was mean to her friends)

Also both characters are certified Friends of the Little Critters ™ and can't fly very well

Special mention to Pinkie Pie here, since she shares the "Third child who stands out like a sore thumb from his other siblings because she's weird to her family standards" backstory with Sanji

✦ Loyalty: That's like one of Zoro's main character traits right? He's in the air before Luffy says jump

Cool, they're just cool and probably the most liked characters + the ones who sell more merch for sure lol

Both have a childhood dream, becoming the best swordsman/wonderbolt, but that doesn't push them to leave their friends to achieve it alone + having friends actually helps them reach their goals

hot headed kids + dumbass sometimes

✦ Honesty: The group's voice of reason

Character that pretends to be okay but hell naw she's not ok (AJ harvesting sweet apple acres and almost dying / Nami Pretending to be Arlong's little trustworthy human so she can save her village) until their friends help them to be honest and ask for help

Also they have similar lifes cultivating apples/tangerines with their families and I thought that was cute hehe

✦ Generosity: SCREAMS Chopper my little chop chop I love u my sweet child

The way that Rarity shows her element is usually by giving away something important to her (her time, her talent with fashion, HER FRIGGIN' TAIL) so she can help other people (creatures?) feel better, and there's no signs of repentance after that, she does it with her heart (and sometimes to show that she can make things fabulous)

This brings me to Chopper looking for the mushroom to cure Dr. Hiriluk's illness and showing up at his door all hurt but he's like heyy I got the thing. I understand that's another kind of "sacrifice" The way he showed his thankfulness to his mentor by risking his life looking for the mushroom and trying to prove that he's a good doctor too (even tho uhh we know how that ended)

This was a little bit more difficult to connect with his element and that's why I was in between choosing kindness and generosity for him, but

kindness had to be sanji's element for suree

Dr Kureha specifically told him that "kindness wasn't enough to save lives" and I won't contradict her she scares me so much

AND I feel like Chopper's generosity it's shown all along the show just by treating all those injured pirates over and over again for free lmao

My overall feeling when giving him the element was "He's a little doctor, of course he's generous, doctors are generous enough to learn how to save lives! so we don't like.. die! next question"

✦ Laughter:

This one was pretty simple too, I love Usopp bc he makes me laugh a lot, he's such a comedic relief for the story and also: my best friend in the whole wide world, yes *gives him a lil kiss*

Of course he's not just a comedic relief, he tries to make things easier trying to solve conflicts (sometimes) or joining the sillyness (most of times)

Also they like to tell stories! I feel like that's a cute trait that makes both characters more interesting, even when someone's stories are lies *eyes emoji* I like storyteller characters a lot !!

they're good with kids + tell them stories too !!

also the whole.. alter ego thing, yeah

AND THE PUFFY HAIR ♥

AIGHT

Hope you enjoyed my TED talk, thaks for giving me the strenght to be a little unhinged, I don't talk too much here but this whole mlp au has people coming and encouraging me to talk/write and I have a problem, once I start talking about something I like I can't shut up

And I like MLP since I was 12 years old, i started drawing because of it and I'm currently rewatching the whole series with my bf so if I see anything else I'll come back and add stuff for sure ♥

[srovtl]

(in here, a magic that connect hearts) Mitile SSR Card Story Translation

Translator note: This, and all the fifth anniversary card stories, reference each character’s affection story (which can be read here) and I recommend reading them beforehand.

Recording the trajectory of growth - Episode 1

Rutile and I were heading to the indoor training hall to deliver some treats to Mitile, who was practicing magic on his own.

Mitile: 《Ortonik Sealsispilce》!

Shino: Not bad. But you should relax a bit. Try again.

Mitile: Yes!

Akira: Is that Mitile and... Shino?

Rutile: Oh yeah. They are really concentrating…

Akira: (Both Mitile and Shino are working so hard...)

Mitile: ...Huh, nii-sama? And the Sage.

Shino: What's up, you two?

Akira: Mitile, Shino. Good work. Sorry for interrupting.

Rutile: We brought some treats for Mitile, were you practicing together?

Shino: No, I was practicing by myself and Mitile showed up.

Mitile: Yes. When I arrived, Shino had already started...

Rutile: I see. You two were working really hard, so I couldn't help but stare.

Akira: Me too! Mitile and Shino are really working hard, aren't they?

Mitile: nii-sama, Sage… Hehe. Thank you.

Shino: If you're going to praise me, do it after I've achieved results. Otherwise, you'll have to praise me even more.

Rutile: Hehe, I'll have to learn from you two and work even harder! But before that, would you like something to drink? I brought lots, so Shino, please have some too.

Mitile: Wow, thank you!

Shino: Great idea. I was just feeling thirsty.

Rutile: Oh, that reminds me, Sage. I'm sure you had something to ask Mitile, right?

Mitile: Me?

Akira: Yes. I wanted to write about you all in the sage’s manual, so I am going around interviewing everybody.

Akira: I would love to ask you too Mitile... if you don't mind?

Mitile: Oh, of course! I've grown a lot! I wonder what I should get you to write about...

Shino: How about the magic training you're doing now?

Shino: You even tried magic you weren't confident about, and I said you had a promising future, let's get them to write about that.

Mitile: I'm really happy to hear you say that, Mister Shino.

Mitile: I also think Mister Shino is a great person who always works hard for his goals...

Mitile: I want to be just like you, a strong and cool person.

Shino: That's not a bad idea. I'm going to get stronger and become a great man that everyone looks up to.

Mitile: Yes! Let's work hard to make our dreams come true.

Shino: Yeah.

Akira: (Mitile, Shino...)

Akira: (They've had fights before, but now they're building a good relationship)

Rutile: ...I'm really glad Mitile found such great friends.

Mitile: nii-sama?

Rutile: No, it's nothing. Watching you two just makes me motivated! Can I practice with you?

Akira: I'm interested too, so I'd love to keep watching!

Mitile: Of course! Let's keep practicing!

Recording the trajectory of growth - Episode 2

After practicing, we got hungry, so we said goodbye to Rutile and Shino, who had other stuff to do, and came to the dining hall.

Riquet: Mitile, Sage. Good evening, have you been somewhere?

Akira: Good evening, Riquet. Actually, I was just watching Mitile practice magic.

Riquet: What, even at this time? You must be tired, Mitile. You've worked hard today, great job.

Mitile: Hehe, I still have a long way to go... I'm planning to go back to the training grounds and practice after this.

Scratching his cheek in embarrassment, Mitile glanced out the window.

Riquet: It's great that you keep practicing, but how about we continue tomorrow? Prince Arthur said that sometimes you need to rest as well.

Mitile: Thank you for your concern, Riquet. But I'm still not strong enough, so I have to work harder...

Riquet: There's no need to be humble, Mitile. I know.

Riquet: Mitile, you were practicing magic like that yesterday until the sun went down. And the day before that, too. And the day before that, too.

Mitile: Riquet…..

Riquet firmly grasped Mitile's hands as if praising his tireless efforts.

Riquet: Mitile is working hard, more than enough. You should praise yourself more.

Riquet: Mitile, you're always working hard, awesome! You're studying magic, awesome! You're trying your best to eat foods you don't  like, awesome!

Mitile: Waah, wait, wait a second, Riquet! You're speaking so loudly... It's embarrassing.

Akira: Hahaha. Riquet, you're always watching Mitile.

Riquet: Yes. Because I like Mitile.

Akira: By the way, what do you like about Mitile, Riquet?

Riquet: Well, the way he's with me, the way he writes me letters back, the way he talks happily...

Riquet: I also like the serious look on his face when he's casting a spell.

Mitile: O-oh, come on, this is enough…

Akira: (While he's embarrassed, Mitile looks really happy. It's kind of cute...)

Watching this heartwarming exchange, I clasped my hands together to suggest.

Akira: By the way. Mitile, you always work hard, so why don't we go and play something you like, do stuff you want to do, as an award?

Mitile: Something I want to do...?

Akira: Yes. Let us praise your hard working self, once in a while.

Riquet: That's great, I'll praise you a lot too. 

Mitile: No, no, anymore is...! ………

Mitile: ...Very well.

Riquet: Yay!

Mitile nodded, and Riquet shook his hand with joy. Looking at the two of them, I couldn't help but smile.

Akira: Mitile, Riquet. Please continue to be friends forever.

Mitile, Riquet: Yes!

Recording the trajectory of growth - Episode 3

Akira: Hello, Mitile. Thank you for making time for the interview today.

Akira: Oh, this carriage, isn't it...

Mitile: Yes. Do you remember? I couldn't successfully make it float in front of Doctor Figaro before.

Mitile: Back then, I was told it was still too difficult for me... But this time, I want to show the sage that I can do it well.

There was a strong sparkle in Mitile's green eyes as he spoke with enthusiasm.

Akira: Yes. I'd love to see it through to the end!

Mitile: Thank you!

Suddenly, Mitile's smiling face clouded over a little, as if something had crossed his mind,

Akira: Mitile?

Mitile: There's something that's been bothering me a little. You know, every time I get better at magic, the thought of how happy I am, and how good it feels to be strong crosses my mind...

Mitile: Is this a bad thing? Magic is meant to be used for the benefit of others.

Akira: Mitile…

I walked over to Mitile, who was worried about his ideals and his own feelings, and quietly took his hand.

Akira: That's not true. I'm sure this is a pure wish that everyone has.

Mitile: Really? I'm glad...

Mitile: But I also think that's not enough.

Mitile: What I want to do isn't to show off my powers, but to be useful to someone!

Mitile looks straight at the carriage, standing quietly, with a refreshed mind.

Mitile: Well then, let's get going. 

Mitile: 《Ortonik Sealsispilce》

Determined, Mitile chants his spell, and the carriage starts to move, rattling.

Mitile stretches out his hand towards the carriage. Gritting his teeth, and with an earnest look on his face, begins to pray more strongly.

Akira: ! It's starting to float little by little! Come on, Mitile!

Mitile: ……..!

The moment Mitile put strength into his outstretched hand, all the wheels rose slightly from the ground.

Mitile: A little bit more...!

Mitile: …..! Damn...!

Just as Mitile was rejoicing, the carriage lost its power and fell to the ground with a faint sound.

Mitile: …….

Akira: Mitile, maybe next time…

Mitile: Did you see that, Sage?

Akira: Eh?

Mitile: Before, only the rear wheels were lifted, but this time, it was lifted a little more than before.

Mitile: And the carriage isn't broken anywhere. I knew it, my magic is improving, even if it's just a little at a time, right?

Akira: Mitile...

Before, Mitile would slump his shoulders after every failure, but now, he's able to realize his own growth and look forward.

Akira: (Not only his magic, but Mitile himself has grown well...)

Akira: I think so too. Mitile's own hard work has led to this result.

Akira: That's really amazing. I'll write that in the sage’s manual right away!

Mitile: Sage...

Mitile: Hehe, thank you. But I'll be even stronger next time.

Mitile: So, please look forward to it!

Looking at Mitile's bright, sun-like smile, I nodded.

I hope from the bottom of my heart that he will have a wonderful future.

I can only say because it's now - Card Episode 

Akira: Mitile, thank you for answering my questions the other day.

Mitile: No, it was fun for me too! It was a good opportunity to realize how much room for growth I have.

Akira: I'm glad you felt that way.

Akira: So, there's one more thing I want to ask you, Mitile... Is there anything you can tell me because it's now?

Mitile: Something I can tell you because it's now...

Mitile: ……Oh, do you remember talking about plants in the previous interview?

Akira: Of course. You grew a lot of them in your room right?

Mitile: One of those plants produced seeds after it blossomed.

Mitile: I'll give it to you, and if you'd like, why not try growing it in your room?

Akira: Wow, something you cherished this much... If you don't mind, I would love to!

Mitile: Hehe... I worked hard to take care of it every day!

Mitile: There were a lot of hard times, but when the buds bloomed, I was so happy that all of that tiredness was blown away...

Mitile: I immediately went to tell nii-sama about it, and we talked about it for a long time.

Mitile: So I really want the Sage to feel this way too.

Akira: I'm looking forward to it more and more now. its like you said before, my joy increased just like making more friends, 

Akira: If you like Mitile, please let me know the best way to grow it.

Mitile: Of course! I'll come to your room sometimes!

Homescreen Voiceline

A lot has happened since I came to the Magic Manor. I'm not the same me I was before, but my feelings for you, Sage, haven't changed at all since the beginning!

[otomehoneyybearr]

Act 12

Episode 8: The Person I Admire

Working w/ Maybelle Lace

Note: As you read, you will see that some sentences highlighted in a different color, this is what they indicate. Pink: Flashback Blue: Characters are acting

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???: Let’s walk hand in hand.

Sakuya: Yeah!

???: It'll be dangerous if you jump around too much.

Sakuya: Okay!

Sakuya: …!

Sakuya: (What was that? I felt like I had a very gentle and nostalgic dream.)

Citron: Zzz...

Sakuya: ...It must be pretty early.

Sakuya: (There's still some time until I need to get to the theater so I can sleep a little longer, but I'm not sure...)

Sakuya: (Banri said that Syu and Reni are also coming to today's rehearsal.)

Sakuya: (It's been a while since I've played a lead role in a performance, so I'm a little nervous.)

Sakuya: ...Alright.

Sakuya: (I might feel better if I practice a bit on my own in the theater.)

Amadate: ...

Sakuya: Oh, Amadate...?!

Amadate: Ah, you are...

Sakuya: I’m Sakuya Sakuma from Mankai Company.

Amadate: Yes, that's right. Good morning, you're up early.

Sakuya: What are you doing here?

Amadate: I stopped by for a bit on my way to work. I just really wanted to see—

Sakuya: Huh?

Amadate: By the way, I heard that your show starts tomorrow?

Amadate: It's been a hot topic of discussion at the board meetings. I'm looking forward to the second part of the performance.

Sakuya: Thank you! Will you also be coming to see the show, Amadate?

Amadate: The entire board of directors has been invited, so I'll find time to come and see it.

Sakuya: Then I'll do my best!

Sakuya: This time, I'm playing the role of an orphan raised by space pirates and somehow, it resonates with my own life.

Sakuya: I've always admired the pirate captain played by you and started acting because of it, and now I’ve found a place here at Mankai Company.

Sakuya: I’m truly happy that you’ll be watching.

Amadate: ...I heard that this performance was built off of the concept made by the first generation’s scriptwriter, Hakkaku.

Sakuya: Yes! Both Tsuzuru and the God Troupe's scriptwriter, Madoka, co-wrote the script together.

Amadate: Actually, the script for the pirate performance that you saw back then was inspired by Hakkaku’s concept of the private performance.

Amadate: It couldn’t even compare to Hakkaku's scripts though.

Amadate: I actually wanted him to write it, but since he was working exclusively for this theater company, that didn't happen.

Amadate: That pirate performance tour was the last time I traveled across the country as an actor.

Sakuya: Is that so...?!

Amadate: We received a letter of gratitude from the police department— They wanted to thank the troupe members for our quick actions in evacuating the elementary school students safely from the fire that broke out during the play.

Amadate: The troupe's achievement was even featured in a national newspaper. That incident further raised the profile of the Hyakka Troupe.

Amadate: Furthermore, I am proud to say that one young man with a promising future decided to pursue a career in theater thanks to that performance.

Sakuya: That's... I've still got a long way to go...!

Amadate: I wish you good luck with your performances. Well, I'll be off then.

Sakuya: Thank you very much!

Sakuya: ...

Izumi: Huh? You're here early.

Sakuya: Good morning. I woke up early, but felt a bit restless staying in bed...

Izumi: You're quite enthusiastic.

Sakuya: Actually, I just happened to meet the actor I admire.

Izumi: The actor you admire?

Sakuya: The one I told you about earlier!

Sakuya: It's the actor who played the captain in the pirate performance by Hyakka Theater Company that I saw when I was in elementary school.

Izumi: Really? So you found out who it was?

Sakuya: His name is Keiju Amadate, and I heard that he had retired from acting and is now the head of a theater company.

Izumi: …!

Izumi:  Amadate... Really?

Sakuya: Yes!

Sakuya: He told me that the Mankai Company's performance was being talked about at the board meeting...

Sakuya: I'll have to work hard for the second part!

Izumi: (I never thought that he'd be the actor that Sakuya looks up to...)

Izumi: (And what was he doing here? What did he come to do?)

Izumi: (I wonder if I should talk to Kamikizaka about it later.)

Izumi: (They said they would arrive right before the show started, so I might not make it in time...)

Izumi: (Anyway, we have to make the dress rehearsal and the deal go smoothly no matter what.)

Kabuto: ...Geez, look who’s showing off.

Suspicious Man: ...

Kabuto: ?

Kabuto: (What is that guy doing...)

Kabuto: ...Hey, you there.

Suspicious Man: …!

Kabuto: (What the...? What’s up with him...)

Kabuto: ——Smoke?

Kabuto: (It can't be—)

Suspicious Man: There's a fire!!!

Passerby A: Huh? What?

Passerby B: A fire? There's smoke coming out!

Passerby C: Kyaah!

Passerby D: It's coming from Mankai Theater! Hurry and call the fire department!

Kabuto: (They got me...!)

Kabuto: (Anyway, I need to call 119—)

Firefighter: Firefighting operations have ended.

Izumi: ...Thank you.

Firefighter: Only a few small areas on either side of the theater actually caught fire.

Firefighter: However, there were a large number of smoke bombs placed on the ceiling, and smoke appeared to be coming out of them.

Izumi: Smoke bombs...?

Firefighter: Due to large-scale firefighting efforts, the exterior walls of the theater building have been severely damaged, therefore entry is prohibited for safety and preservation of the site.

Izumi: ...

Firefighter: After this, the police will conduct an on-site investigation, but due to the high likelihood of a criminal act, we ask for your cooperation.

Izumi: U-Um, tomorrow is the opening day of our performance, will it be restored in time—

Firefighter: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that may be difficult...

Izumi: ...I see. Do you still need me to stay here?

Firefighter: No, you only need to provide us with your contact information.

Izumi: I understand. Thank you for your hard work.

Izumi: (I never expected things to turn out like this...)

Sakyo: Are you done over there?

Izumi: Oh, Sakyo, is everyone okay?

Sakyo: All media personnel, invited guests, and staff were safely evacuated. No injuries.

Izumi: Thank goodness...

Izumi: I was told that smoke bombs had been placed on the ceiling.

Sakyo: So they intentionally make it look like a large-scale fire? The exterior walls have been torn apart by the water pressure to extinguish the fire.

Izumi: ...

Sakyo: Let's head back to the dorm for now. We should send the others home. There's no point in staying here forever.

Izumi: You're right...

Izumi: ?

Manager: Izumi, we've received an email addressed to the theater company!!

Izumi: …!

Sakyo: What is it?

Izumi: Manager said we received an email—

Sakyo: "Disband the troupe immediately. Otherwise, the audience and company members will be the next to get harmed."

Sakyo: A threat.

Izumi: (Was this also the work of Amadate...? I can't believe he would go this far.)

Izumi: ...I think it would be better to consult with the police about this, including all the incidents that happened before.

Sakyo: The person responsible for the arson might be caught soon...

Sakyo: Considering what’s happened so far, there’s a high possibility that only the hired subordinates will be caught, and that the investigation will not be able to find the mastermind.

Izumi: ...

Izumi: ...For now, we need to discuss future plans with everyone.

Sakyo: Agreed.

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Prev | Next

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[julia-bunncat]

Shuichi's Love Hotel {LSE} | Amasai version

Hey, hey, is that a new blog entry?! Unbelievable… But yes, after a hiatus in my life that excluded writing or even interacting with people, I was finally able to build up the energy for a new little creative achievement! Over a year ago, I did this post here... And now I am officially ready to present to you the full version [so that my intention can finally be understood correctly], using my OT3 of course.

I'll make a little remark before I start, and give a commentary at the end!

The blue text shows the thoughts of the main character (Rantaro), just like in the original game. You can either read the text version below , or take a look at this google-doc [https://clck.ru/3Ehn5n] to check out the sprites I've chosen specifically for the immersive feel of the game. Both would be appreciated, as I've put a lot of work into the google-doc!

Go ahead!~

Rantaro: Monokuma said that once I get here, I have to act like someone’s ideal or else my partner will wake up in pain… Rantaro: Knowing him, I'm sure it's not just a bluff. I must be as cautious as I can, especially since… Rantaro: Shuichi... I must admit, I wonder what's behind his title as the Ultimate Detective. Shuichi: Thanks for coming, Rantaro. Rantaro: He seems a bit nervous, but so far it appears to be going on as usual. Shuichi: I know you never refuse to talk to me... Shuichi: But I must say that we will have a serious conversation this time. Rantaro: That look on his face… Rantaro: Hey, am I being interrogated, aha-ha-ha? Rantaro: Is this really going to be a classic detective-criminal plot, huh? Shuichi: N-no, I… it’s not that serious. Shuichi: And honestly, I don't want to hear the word “interrogation” again. Shuichi: It’s just… I just wanted to say that I believe it's important to be more open to each other. Rantaro: It seems really important. If I don't play along, he might wake up. Rantaro: So what exactly is bothering you? Rantaro: If you want to know something, you have to ask. I wouldn't hide anything. Shuichi: ...This is exactly the topic that bothers me. Shuichi: You and I have been together for quite some time now and… Shuichi: For me, that time is priceless. You always know how to support me, how to cheer me up and set me on the right path, but... Shuichi: Each time, I feel like I'm missing something. Shuichi: You give everything to help me, but you never open up about your troubles. Shuichi: Your bright beautiful smile doesn't bring me joy in return. It makes me believe it's all insincere! Shuichi: It seemed to me that there was some kind of connection between us… That I can also be a support for you… Rantaro: What..? Rantaro: Hey, Shuichi... Please calm down a bit, okay? Rantaro: I wouldn't deceive you… Our… relationship is important to me as well. Rantaro: It's just a bit complicated, you know? There are some things you don't… Rantaro: Suddenly, I felt Shuichi's tight grip on my sweatshirt. He’s pulling me closer… Shuichi: Please trust me. Shuichi: Open your heart to me. Shuichi: Maybe I’m a failure as a detective, but for your case I’m willing to try. Shuichi: Watching you struggle all by yourself is killing me. Rantaro: Shuichi, I… Rantaro: Now, I'm not even sure if it's all a dream. Shuichi's eyes were so piercingly intense that I couldn't tell where the limits of reality are.  Rantaro: I can't play along or dodge any longer. Rantaro: Honestly, out of all people, he is the one I can trust the most. And it’s not about talent. Rantaro: All right, I'll tell you. Rantaro: But don't write yourself off anymore too, okay? Shuichi: He-he, yeah, I’m sorry. I’ll admit, I'm a bit of a mess. Shuichi: I always get… a little more sensitive when I'm around you… Rantaro: My cheeks were touched by a blush for the first time… Rantaro: Stop. Hold on yourself, Rantaro, he’s a guy! Rantaro: Then shall I start? It’s about… Rantaro: Shuichi smiled resolutely… and prepared to listen to everything I had never trusted anyone before.

_________________________________

Now, let's get to the notes!

Honestly, in my personal opinion after re-reading it several times, text came out raw and short. However, I still want to share it the way it turned out, since it was the first time I tried my hand at it. Yeah, the drama here develops a bit too suddenly, but that's what most love-events were like, wasn't it? Shuichi in canon also had some kind of emotional attack and lost control of the situation, especially when the characters themselves were caught… active :'D I tried to both to keep that vibe of absurdity and not overthink it. It worked out, according to my friends, so let it stay that way.

The purpose of this text was, for the most part, to show Shuichi's ideal as I see it. They is still the same gender-neutral person ‘with a core’ who has been in a relationship with Saihara for some time and has been supportive and proactive in every way possible.

However, this ‘core person’ tends to hide behind their confidence/principles/beliefs; tends to show that they feels better than they really does. Over time, this begins to bother Shuichi. He feels that something very important is being hidden from him, and he can't continue to ignore it — either as a good partner or as a detective.

So in the love-hotel storyline, Shuichi finally decides to talk to this person and get them to trust him. So, I emphasise that you can fit almost any DR character under this formula, as long as they're not completely weak-willed/indifferent/easy-going.

I'm even thinking of writing a version with some more characters in the future (the same Kaito, for example) or I can accept requests. The formula and phrases will be repeated, but the outcome and context will change depending on the character used.

Going back to Rantaro, I thought he was quite fitting for the role of the ideal with a strong core inside and a supportive character. He was, of course, very wary at first and a bit confused... xD But it's assumed that in the realities outside of the Hotel, he and Shuichi have become friends and that's why he decided to tell him one of his secrets. Whether it's a story about the sisters, the previous killing game, or something else — you decide! My plan was for him to tell something else 👀.

BTW, I didn't plan for Shuichi to cry here, it's just that the other sprites aren't emotionally charged enough for that, so I had to choose the lesser evil. think of him as just holding his head and clenching his teeth.

oh, and how could I not make a joke about this and make a reference to all the events where Rantaro denies his gay panic? xD hush, dear, Shuichi's charms just can't be resisted, you'll have to accept it.

Thank you all for reading guys! <3 There will be a second post in this series!

[afreakingdork]

i finally get the opportunity to write an ask with my thoughts of the chap ;-;

first of all, stupid tumblr, i didn't get the notification of your post >:(

Second of all A0FHJWEOJILSGJOISHDFJSDFDSOIFHDSKLNFDSMFDSOFD

reader is so real for everything!! They literally were all the fanfic thinking "we're not official so i guess i'll take what i can get and hopre for the best" while donnie was "Yeah she's my future wife", they should have asked!!! But same, I know myself and I would do the same stupid thing.

ALSO!!!! He's so stupid too! He saw reader doing ":'(" with their face and he just went feral for a second.

"I'll admit the next actions are a blur outside of the single drive to eradicate whoever had the notion of harming you" YESYESYES THIS IS ALL I NEED IN MY LIFE TO KEEP GOING AND ACHIEVING MY DREAMS

I messages on the start of the chapter, reader is really so endearing and i loved how messy was the reunion! They were talking to each other and it's pretty noticeable how they aren't in the same page about the relationship. Also Donnie trusts Reader so much he can't even imagine them cheating on them. I love that.

ALSO SHELLDON SHELLDON SHELLDON LOVE OF MY LIFE SON OF MY DREAMS YOU'RE SO PURE AND I WILL PROTECT YOU WITH MY LIFE

ALSO THE SCENE WHERE DONNIE CATCHES READERS LOVING STARE??? OH YOU CAN BE SURE I WILL DRAW THE HECK OUT OF THAT YOU CAN'T STOP ME

It was a really fun and wholesome and emotional chapter overall, i couldn't stop thinking about it all day! hope you're having a wonderful week bye!!

Not for you, but I'm going to PSA here that if you're worried about missing updates you can obviously follow me here, follow the tag #weakspotfic, there's subscribing over on Ao3, and finally you can follow me on my ko-fi (no membership required) where I link both Tumblr and ao3 when I post updates!

Everyone hears communication all day everyday and you can practice it so well and yet things will just slip through! Such is life ✨

"Donnie trusts Reader so much he can't even imagine them cheating on them" DING DING DING! You're the first to mention this lovely point and it made my heart soar~

DRAWING!!! 👉👈 I'm excited but don't feel pressured!!!

Ah thank you so much! You have a great week as well!

[notmoreflippingelves]

For the pairing ask meme: Jo/Laurie from Little Women (really curious about it!) And Carla/Mateo from EoA (because kinda love your Mateo roasting and takes 😁)

Jo/Laurie (????)

This is hard, because I don't know whether I ship it or not. I do but I don't. I think if I were to guess I'd say overall, I primarily don't except for Winona Ryder!Jo/Christian Bale! Laurie from Little Women (1994). I guess I'm going to go with "no" overall, because honestly as much as I love that adaptation, Christian Bale Laurie is arguably too "cool"/suave compared to book!Laurie (who tbh is more than a bit pathetic sometimes). Like I'm genuinely a little "What are you thinking?" when Winona!Jo turns Bale!Laurie down but I am mostly okay with it in all other incarnations. I do also mostly like Amy/Laurie and Jo/Bhaer as much if not more , so yeah I'm not really cut up about it Jo/Laurie not being endgame.

Why don’t you ship it?

For me, it's largely that there is a sense (more pronounced in some adaptions than others) that Laurie wants to be a March Girl™ (gender-neutral) more than he wants to be Jo's life-partner which is not really the idea ship vibe--even if I can't exactly blame him as I too would do almost anything to be a March Girl. Like sure Jo was his first choice by far and I do believe that his eventual relationship with Amy is genuinely based on more than "settling"--but I also feel relatively sure that he might have hypothetically settled for Beth or Meg under other circumstances. And that's just not a solid start for a relationship, if your s.o. could've hypothetically is always low-key considering your sibling as a backup plan if things go south with you too. (I mean you could say that the same is true of Laurie/Amy, but I do think it's less bad b/c Amy has literally been in love with Laurie since she was 12 and because overall their personalities "mesh" a little better than Jo/Laurie).

I also worry a bit about how Laurie's wealth might hypothetically impact the Jo/Laurie relationship. I do think that he would continue to be supportive of her writing and theatrical dreams, but I can also see him overcompensating/supporting her "too much." Unlike Bhaer, I don't think Laurie is capable of offering her constructive criticism that is necessary for her work to improve. He's too much of an inherent simp who thinks Jo March is already the most amazing human to ever exist (again can't totally blame him for that) to even conceive of the possibility that she has genuine strengths and weaknesses. I can also see him throwing his money and influence around a little in order to get her published/earning favorable reviews. Jo is fiercely independent and so achieving her dreams on her own terms/by her own merit is supremely important to her--arguably more important than her achieving them at all. Laurie interfering in her career even positively/with good intentions would inevitably cause a lot of conflict between them and create some self-doubt of Jo as to whether she really "earned"/"deserves" her success at all.

What would have made you like it?

As I mentioned I do sort of like it even as I also dislike it. I guess I would like it more consistently/wish it was endgame if Laurie was just a wee bit less eager/obsessed/convinced they were "meant to be." Also if we had a stronger sense that Jo herself wanted the romance specifically as opposed to just Laurie staying in her life. Another thing that makes me a little wary about Jo/Laurie is the meta-aspect of knowing that Louisa May Alcott was very adamant about not wanting them together. Her publisher pretty much insisted that Jo needed to find love in Part 2 and so she created Professor Bhaer in order to give Jo an alternate love interest

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

A lot, especially since I don't not ship it even if I don't ship it. Their "meet cute" scene at the ball is one of my favorite scenes in the book and arguably one of my favorite "character introduction scenes" in all of literature. I think that the two of them have great chemistry and a really supportive dynamic. They care deeply about each other and have so much fun together. (You see this as well in the sequels. Even though they're both romantically with other people, they are still go-to confidants and partners-in-mischief for each other).

I also think that narratively Jo/Laurie has to "work" on some level in order to justify the direction that story takes. The first time that you encounter the story, the reader/viewer needs to really like them together and assume that them being endgame is inevitable. It gives Jo's decision to reject his proposal more poignancy and agency. She needs to love him deeply and know that he loves her--even if they can't love each other in the same way--in order to fully be able to choose herself and her goals over him. If he's not an otherwise desirable option, her choice not to choose him isn't a real choice. She needs to be conflicted, tempted even, if her decision to prioritize her own dreams and needs over his and her family's is to hold any real weight.

And Alcott (and most of the adaptions) do a fantastic job of making Jo/Laurie seem plausible/desirable so that the rejected proposal emotionally fulfills its narrative purpose for Jo's character development (and a lesser extent Laurie's and Amy's as well).

Carla/Mateo (I ship it albeit very low-key though Carla probably deserves better)

What made you ship it?

Probably their interactions in late S3 most of all (especially the finale). I think there is clearly attraction and chemistry between them. They seem to have similar, slightly dorky and clumsy personalities that seem like they would mesh well. And shallow , I know, but their character models are also attractive and look good together.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

Is it bad if I say that I like how easily Rita!Carla was able to make Mateo look like the biggest fool in all Avalor?

I think there is a lot of potential for the two of them to bond. They're both very family-oriented, and I think there's a lot of potential for them to grow closer as being the only (and a little coddled/spoiled) children of very loving but somewhat smothering single parents (Victor and Rafa)--as well as missing their absent other parents (Ash and Mateo's father).

They are also arguably THE characters (well them, Victor, and Olivia) who are most actively interested in learning magic. (Gabe and Elena express some curiosity but specifically in the context of magic being a tool to protect the kingdom as opposed to something they want to learn just for itself). So it's nice to think of magic being another way that they can grow closer/flirt/have fun together.

I also adore the Delgado father and daughter relationship and enjoy thinking about how Carla/Mateo would impact Victor and his relationship with his daughter. Whether he's supportive (most likely) or hesitant (my personal head canon), it has the potential to be really fun/funny and heartwarming.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Carla/Mateo is one of the only Mateo ships that I can tolerate. Sorry not sorry. It's this and like two non-existent rare pairs . And even then, I don't think I am ever doing more than casually enjoying it, since my Mateo indifference is so strong. (I do really like Carla though and have a few more ships with her).

[litany-writes]

questions game!!

tagged by @songsofsomnia <3, keeping open tags :D

putting my responses under the cut bc ik i'm gonna ramble lol

(answering this one about Pulse Point, my sci-fi wip!)

What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war) and why did you choose it?

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure what the overarching lesson is. I think as I start actually writing more of the narrative (as opposed to just planning + writing snapshots of scenes), It'll be more clear? but some main themes, at least for specific characters, are dealing with grief, burnout, and attachment.

2. What did you use as inspiration for your world-building (e.g. real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites)?

oh man i have sooo many small things. some governments/cultural groups have IRL inspiration, a lot of the characters are based off of myself or people that I know, and I have an entire save folder on instagram of cool things i want to include somehow, not to mention pinterest boards.

3. What is your main character trying to achieve, and what are you as the writer trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person?

As of rn, I'm set up to have multiple main characters, and i'm not suuuper hyped on how i've fleshed out all of their motivations/plot importance, but the main conflict of the story is trying to prevent a cold war from escalating. mainly, i just want to write it to prove to myself that i can, and hopefully make characters that people can relate to, enjoy reading about, and grieve :)

4. How many chapters is your story going to have?

I. well. hmm. at the moment, looking at like the entire stretch of plot that i could theoretically write about, it's like. multiple books, possible. definitely at least 20 for the immediate plotline ???? I've never finished any of my long-form writing projects so i really have no clue!

5. Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

original content all the way. I don't even know if i'm going to end up posting it (or where) because I don't know if I'll finish it! i'd like to, though, and if i do it'll either be free to read on my ao3, or i'll try and get it actually published.

6. When and why did you start writing?

i really don't know. I've kind of always been writing? When I was pretty young, i started writing down my dreams/daydreams because they were very vivid and I wanted to keep the details straight on their plotlines and characters. Started writing to post back in like 2021 with some fanfics for an old fandom.

7. Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow writers of Tumblr? What other writeblrs do you follow?

heck yeah two cakes!! that's the writing mentality i'm taking into 2024. Also, if you think it's bad and don't want to post it, just remember that there is without a doubt something much worse than that being posted by someone that fully believes they're the next shakespeare. you're fine. trust me.

blank copy:

What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war) and why did you choose it?

What did you use as inspiration for your world-building (e.g. real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites)?

What is your main character trying to achieve, and what are you as the writer trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person? —

How many chapters is your story going to have?

Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

When and why did you start writing?

Do you have any words of encouragment for fellow writers of Tumblr? What other writeblrs do you follow?

[killerandhealerqueen]

20 questions writer meme

Tagged by @hils79

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

263

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

2,692,775 and growing

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly I write for Killer and Healer but I've written for S.C.I., The Devil Judge, CSI: Miami, Chimera, History 3: Trapped, Master Wait a Moment, Psych-Hunter, The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty, Under the Skin, Criminologist Himura and Mystery Writer Arisugawa, Guardian, The Yin-Yang Master: Dream of Eternity, The Untamed and Beyond Evil

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Wait, We're Married?! (1,465)

Succulents and an Overprotective Kang Yohan (1,185)

Kang Yohan's Relaxing Day Off (806)

Protect You (791)

Kim Gaon Is Mine (726)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always. I always like to thank people for reading my fics and also discuss/answer their questions

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

None of my fics have angsty endings...even my angstiest one Soul Bound has a happy ending cuz fuck unhappy endings

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, not really. I've gotten a couple of rude comments before but I usually just delete those because I don't have time to deal with that kind of bullshit. If you didn't like the story, there's always the back button

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No. It makes me uncomfortable so I don't

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I do. I've done a really big one with History 3: Trapped, Guardian, and S.C.I. in like 2020 and some of the other crossovers I've done is S.C.I. x Under the Skin, S.C.I. x Killer and Healer, S.C.I. x Guardian, and S.C.I. x The Yin-Yang Master

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yeah, back when I was writing The Untamed Moments someone had taken it, posted it to Wattpad, and translated it to spanish. A reader told me about it and I got it taken down. No one steals a fic from me and gets away with it

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yup! My fic So This Is What Love Feels Like was translated to Vietnamese by Shu_Miw over on ao3.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A long time ago but I don't really like co-writing fics. I'll brainstorm/bounce ideas off of other people, but I won't co-write with anyone

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Yuezhi. While I love all my ships, I can confidently say that these two own my fucking heart

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I'll finish it eventually but right now it feels like 恨君不似江楼月 | Killer and Healer just because of the amount of work I'm putting into it. I knew it was a daunting task when I started it and I don't regret it but still...I'm much further behind than I would like

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and describing crime scenes. Dialogue because I've been told that I can get into my character's heads and everything I write sounds like stuff they would say. As for crime scenes, my forensic science background really helps with that

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Writing fight scenes. Fuck me, writing fight scene fucking suck. I can see how the scene is suppose to go in my head but to translate it into words and put it on paper is a whole nother ball game

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I only use words in other sentences that I'm confident in using. Mainly curse words. I will maybe use a sentence or two here or there but I make sure they go through a proper translator first so that it makes sense

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Either Dragonball or Black Butler over on Deviantart. I think. It's been so long

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I love all my fics. But so far I'd have to say 恨君不似江楼月 | Killer and Healer just because of the amount of work I've put into it. It's probably going to be my greatest achievement as a writer once I'm finished with it

Tagging: @ahhhnorealnamesallowed @kpopfantasywriter @fourth-quartet @bunnyseahorse-blog @missjudge-me and anyone else who wants to play

[chido2001]

A long post about Filial piety from my point of view (Part 1)

First of all, I think I need to make things clear: this is not a philosophical post nor sth religious, political etc. This is just a post for me to talk about something that is happening to me involving household problems, parental problem, and some of principal Filial piety that making me thinking, cause Idk how long can I carry on without letting things off my chest. Yes, I should have came up with a more close-to-the-ground title, but it's 2 a.m now and I don't have enough energy for brainstorming. Also pardon me if you find this post somewhat hard to follow. I just write down things that came up in my mind, I will edit them later if conditions are met. English is also not my native language, so excuse my grammar and vocabs.

I came from a common family. When I said "common family", I meant it. My parents are both blue collar workers. Both growing up in the time of Vietnam concentrated economy, both dropped out of school as soon as they were able to earn money. So, yeah, not really coming from a long line of artist or scholar lineage. And heck we definite don't have a penny to our name

Mom used to work in a clothes factory as long as I could remember, until the paycheck no longer be able to cover the expense. She retired, .Even now she's still doing the same thing, picking up orders from shop owners, doing her parts, and delivering the products back. She's the one responsible for the tuition fee of me and my brother, and so far , she's the one putting me through college. Tbh, though I'm helping her as much as I can , I am not really fond of her job. Back in the freshman year, I many time found myself felling desperate while helping her ironing the details.

Dad works many years as a security guard for a real estate corporation, in which my uncle works as a desk-job-worker (idk what's his position, but he definitely helped my dad landing his job). He used to be assigned to some of the comp establishment, until finally rooting in a wet market near house. Back in the day, he also worked as a somewhat motorcycle tavi driver (it's like Uber drive, but for bike, and before the apps), but as time went, he got older, and Idk if he is still doing this, but it's less likely, since he's really adapting to the modern technology (but to somewhat degree, it's still causing troubles, but I will get to that).

We lived as a nuclear family (4 members, recently adopted a dog, so 5), but my fatherside relatives literally live next door, and we all live in smalls houses in a small alleys, pretty much counted as an extended family. So, yeah, I grew up from a typical-minimum-wage common Asian nuclear-extended family. To be frank, the minimum wage is only achieved some what when I was in the secondary school. I remember many time my aunt have to bring over food for my dinner cause there's nothing on the table beside white rice, fish sauce, boiled vegetable and water of it. And especially as an Asian family, we are still very much influenced by traditions and customs, and undoubtedly, Asian generational bad habbit.

Let's start with the less problematic one, my Mom. As a child raised by an 100% pure-blood, out-of-mold Asian mom, I can assure you that those memes on the internet about them is very much true, more or less. Cause growing up, there's two things I can be sure my mom has for me: expectation, and strict parenting. As far as I can remember, the first essay I wrote at school was "Write a letter to a friend and talk about your dream job", and I pretty sure I wrote that I "...want to be rich, and to achieve that dream, I will go for financial college...". I was 7-8 then. I liked super heroes, I liked games, I like toys like other boys...and for some reason, that idea has been implanted into my mind since childhood, and I'm pretty sure I didn't get that from my dad.

"...But she's your mom. It's normal for her to have high hopes for her kids..." . Yes, I'm not blaming her for that. And to be honest, compare to many other typical Asian moms, her expectation for us is much more simple: all she wants is a house in Dalat to enjoy her old age there alone.

(For those who don't know, Dalat is like a resort city in my country. Located in the highland region, heavily influenced by French architecture, well known for its fauna diversity, it's like those European travel destinations, but in Vietnam.)

In short, she wanted to have a problem-free, carefree future, and sure, that's the least thing I can do for her, since she's the one that looks after me all the time. One thing about Asian household is that it's heavily matriarch, and mine is no exception. My mom is the one taking care of our needs (she bought clothes, toys, anything we want that appropriate), our academic performances (she paid the tuition fees, and she spent everything she had just to give us the best education) and especially our health. I was born with some physical flawns, the "God perfected, and I defected/ I was made wrong" problems, especially with the testicles, and many time in my growing, my mom had to be the one paying my medical bills AND taking care of my sick little body. I remember when I was in the age of ten, I went through a major operation, it was mom who had to go around, borrow money from every person she knew to pay for the operation and medicines, and it took her quite a while to pay it all back. Even now, whenever I feel under the weather, it's still my mom that I go for to tell about my condition.

But back to the main point, she takes care of us, it's obviously we have to take a good care of her, no doubt. But growing up under her wings, there's one thing that really holding her from being a perfect mother (I know I sound like a dick here, but tbh, I haven't found a way to address this differently), at least in my view: overcomparison, both herself and others in her household to other. See, in our Vietnamese culture, there's this thing called "con nhà người ta" (the other kids). Growing up, you will be constantly be compared to those other kids. You didn't get a good mark in the exam? "Those other kids could make it, why couldn't you". You said that the other kids couldn't do better? "That's the other kids problems. It's YOU problem". In short, the perfect comparison/ excuse to be yelled at.

And in my case, it's somewhat worse.

Cause to me, that other kid did exist.

And she was my aunt.

She was two year older. And unlike me, her household is much more stable. She went to prestige schools, and her academic performances is way better. She's also well behaved and hard working, etc.

In short, the perfect Golden Child

Don't get me wrong. I love my aunt (that sounds a little bit wrong, but yes, I do love her). We are really close (probably somewhat due to our small age gap). She's always like a sister to me. And nowadays, I usually come to her when I need advice at all sort of stuffs (We're also major in I.T, so yeah, a lot of advices needed).

But growing up being compared to her is not a pleasant memories, though I don't really have much problem with that.. Mostly when my mom made those comparisons, it's after the parent-teacher meetings, and usually in those meeting, I was said to be "troublesome", more or less. But tbh, before high school, I wasn't sure if I was such a headache. A little bit talkative in elementary, mostly bad hand writing in junior high, nothing serious. Yes I admit I was full blown awful in high school: late attendance, skipping class( due to being late), dozing off in class, etc. And nowadays, hearing my mom recalled those meeting, I don't think the problem was as big as an elephant like it seemed to be.

I cannot be objective about this, cause now looking back, I'm not sure if I was a well-behaving. You see, as a tailor, my mom used stick and ruler a lot. She used to had this one particular stick that was like carved from a intact wood body. So slim, yet so thick that every time you swang it, you could here the sound of the air splitted, and when it hit the flesh with enough force, it would leave a mark that lasted for days.She used to use that stick to spank us, disciplined us when we're not well behaving. And unfortunately, I'm the elder one. I grew up with smacks on my bottom, so much that one of my aunt had to warn my brother to behave cause "You didn't get smacked in the butt as much as your brother did". And usually the reason I got smacked, as I can recall, was probably because I was lying, or I ripped pages out of my notebook. My brother was lucky that it got lost somewhere.

But the worst case of my disciplining didn't involve the stick. It was when I in the 2nd grade. Mom was still a factory worker, Dad usually home so he made lunch for me. I used to walk home during noon time, and go back to school at the begining of the afternoon. There're those shops near school that sold toys and candies which many times caught my attention. As a kid, I didn't have much allowance. So, when I saw some cash lying around, being on the altar for spiritual reason, or around for some reason, I constantly took some of them. Things got worse, to the point I started pick pocketing my parent's wallet. Soon after that, no doubt that my mom caught me red handed. And comes one of my biggest childhood trauma moment: my mom walking into the bedroom, with a knife. And I can still remember she saying "It's you or me. Your choice". It seems that my dad had a bad habit of stealing money from my mom, even before I was born. So seeing her kids following that footstep is not an option.

Another time I broke her heart is nack in junior high. I usually hang out at the internet cafe (it's like the arcade center, but with computers) near my school which was conveniently near my house. My mom was already having a bad impression about those places, deeming them as "nests of bad habit", plus the senior year of junior high was considered more important than the highschools, due to the entry exam that you can only participate once in a lifetime. You could say that she was more or less sitting on the fire then. And because I went to a local school, she got a pretty tight grip of my schedule. I was caught red handed being in those place no less than five time. The worst time was when she decided to smashed that one usb I used to download film into so that I could watch them at home (we didn't have wifi nor pc at home back then). I did recall it clearly that I said "Why don't you just unalive me already?". I didn't really remember what happened after that, but I'm pretty sure we didn't see eyes to eyes for at least a week. And yeah, back then my concept of life and stuffs was pretty twisted, probably affected by things considered "edgy". And that's definitely the most stupid thing I have ever said. Nowaday, I don't even dare to address any problem that unthoughtfully. But yeah, words for future parents: brace yourself for the tween/ teenage, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

But well, as I getting older, I realized that all of those high expectations and strict parenting was so that my brother and I can grow up to be "decent people". She has sacrificed most of her life to this family, to us. So much that even when considering thing from a respective point of view, even I couldn't ask for more (and it will be ungrateful if I ever let those thoughts out loud). Even though I used to think that her hopes and dreams for me was strangling me, or still I think that putting all your hopes and dream on the shoulder of your kids to carry is not the most suitable things, I can't deny that everything she has done is for our best, and so I try to meet some of her expectations. I got into university, "The top university of engineering of the whole nation" more precisely (it's like MIT in comparison), so at least she has sth to be proud of so far. I had this job as a English tutor in my first few years in college, when I always use my paycheck from that to help her with the bills. And yeah, I am still going to hold my end of bargain, I will tried to help her get her dream house, sooner or later.

And for my money problem, tbh nowadays, I don't even want to ask money from my parents (only when I need to refill the bike, and the account is lower than the minimum withdrawn threshold), let alone steal it.

But, as all things in life connect to each other one way or another. My mom habit of comparing somehow affects to the major problem in my household: my Dad.

--To be continued--

P/s: I intended to make it all into one post, but yeah so much things to say that I have to consider. And because my Dad is , in my pov, more of a problem than my mom has ever been, I think I have to deliver this carefully.

Thank you, Mom, for everything. It's my sins that I will never says "Thank you" or "I love you" enough.

[the-dream-beyond]

Episode 15 - Unleashing the Entrepreneurial Spirit & Rewriting the Rules of Success with John Ratliff

John Ratliff 

But one of the things you are when you're an entrepreneurs builder, you're literally creating something out of nothing. Whether it's a startup or a new division or a new service offering or even new marketing materials, new ads, new copy new content, whatever it is, we we are blessed we get the gift as entrepreneurs to be in constant creation mode now, because that's, that's literally how you build the future of business.

Nik Tarascio 

This episode is honestly one of my favorite. This guest is going to be talking about just his incredible journey through the entrepreneurial arc from the highs to the lows, to the spiritual awakenings and a bunch of lessons along the way. So I really hope you take some time to sit with this one, write some notes. I mean, there's just so much good stuff that that he shares with us today. So hope you enjoy.

Welcome to the dream beyond. I'm your host, Nik Tarascio. I'm a CEO musician, an overall seeker of Truth, inspiration and simply put, how to live the most fulfilling life possible. Growing up surrounded by extremely wealthy and successful people gave me unique and unfiltered perspectives of those who have seemingly made it on the dream beyond we're letting you in on what it really takes to achieve your dreams. What happens when it turns out your destination isn't the promised land you are expecting and how to process the lessons from your past while mapping of course to true fulfillment. Let's get started.

All right. Hey, everybody. He is the CEO of scaling up coaches, and Managing Director and Partner of a line five strategic consultancy firm. He's also a serial entrepreneur with over 25 years of experience as a CEO and investment banker. He was the founder and CEO of Apple Tree answers. The telephone answering service started in 1955. And my favorite thing about him he's a fellow pilot, flying my favorite airplane, the TBM 850. Please welcome John Ratliff. Thanks so much for being here today, John.

John Ratliff 

Thanks, Nick, good to see you. I wish it was 15 years experience not over 25. But good to be.

Nik Tarascio 

All good. I'm on my way to you, man. I'm building that experience. So I appreciate it. And you know, I was really affected by you. And I saw you speak at one of the scaling up conferences, and you were talking about your journey. And I think it was about Michael singers book or something like that. And I just saw you like, really kind of go there with the emotional stuff. And it made me want to touch on that today. But even go a little further back, which was you've had this incredible success throughout your career, at least from what it seems from the outside. And I was wondering like, what was that early dream for you when you were a teenager when you were just finding your way towards business? What was that? What was the first thing you really dreamed up?

John Ratliff 

Yeah, you know, it's interesting. I the running joke in my family was I was 10 years old. And you know, instead of firemen or policemen, when when I got the question, what do you want to do when you grow up? I didn't even know the word entrepreneur was really not a word that was being used a lot back then. But I kind of always had this idea that I wanted to own a business. And I was fascinated by it from an early age. And I don't know if it was a desire to be independent, or, or, you know, call my own shots. And I'm not sure but I knew from a very, very young age and, you know, I was the kid with the paper route. And, you know, always thinking about, you know, what can I do that mowed lawns, and then hired other kids to mow lawns and, and then in high school did things out of business in college doing marketing. And so it was, it was really kind of in my blood, I think the whole way that I got out of college and I worked for, I worked for a wireless phone company for about six or seven months as a commissioned salesperson and then convinced the carrier back then to let me open my own stores. I was the ripe old age of 22. And the rest is history. So I haven't worked for anyone, since that that was one of the two jobs that ever held was the commission only salesperson, so might as well. So

Nik Tarascio 

Where do you think it came from? You said it was in you know, you felt it in your blood? But who inspired that? Or where do you think the source was for you?

John Ratliff 

Yeah, you know, it's fascinating. My dad was a fortune 500 C suite level executive. So ran global sales for a company that at their peak was probably fortune 360 ad reported directly to the CEO. And I, I kind of just love the idea of business in general. And but what I didn't love watching my dad's career and was how long it took them to get into the C suite. So I thought, you know, the quick solution is you figure it out on your own and you start your own company. And so I think my love of business came from watching my dad and kind of how he operated in the business world and then I think my impatience was probably what led me to pursue the entrepreneurial route. It's funny, I interned at the company that, you know, that he worked with in college.

And this was in the late 80s, early 90s. And there were a bunch of sales guys there that were making, there were two days in that office making seven figures in like 1990, which is, you know, massive amount back then. And I knew that I wanted to be entrepreneurial, and they were like, You're crazy, should go work in corporate America. And this is where, you know, this is where you can make more money than anywhere else. And in hindsight, you know, I, I still stand by my decision to be an entrepreneur, but there was certainly some pressure early on that, you know, to go a different path. But I think that was probably why I didn't want to wait, I didn't want to take the time. That's probably why I'm not a doctor, I didn't want to do 12 years of medical school, I wanted to kind of make my mark straight away. I didn't want to go to college.

Nik Tarascio 

Like, do you speak about becoming a doctor, like a jail sentence? do much? Well, you know, it's

John Ratliff 

my younger brother. We're neurologists, and I, you know, I watched his career and but, you know, I think he was in his early to mid 30s, before he actually got to get out in the world and kind of do what he does. So, man, it's like patience. I think that's probably in hindsight, my massive level of impatience that that led me to be entrepreneurial.

Nik Tarascio 

And then once you got there, and you started, you started your own business, and you're kind of moving through that. Was it different than what you thought the dream would be? Like? It was the dream, to own a business and to be running a business was the dream to exit a business? Like, you know, I'm curious how that compared to the reality of it when you were actually in the trenches?

John Ratliff 

No, the dream was to own and run never really, in the beginning thought about exit. And, you know, probably the most surprising part of all of it was a how much you don't know, you know, the, the knowledge gap, when there's a lot of subtle things about being successful as an entrepreneur, and be lonely it is because most of my friends went traditional routes, one of my best friends growing up ones, that attorney wants a school teacher.

And, you know, when you when you sit around, it's difficult to explain the entrepreneurial journey to others. And it and that's, you know, we'll get to the medical center stuff, I think, it really creates kind of a sense of loneliness. And, and I, I actually believe that one of the things that leads you to be entrepreneurial, certainly add is, you know, most entrepreneurs carry that add trait. So you're, you're just sort of antsy and unsettled. And I think that's part of it. But you also see things in the world that aren't optimal, and you have a desire to make them optimal. So I think it can be frustrating, it can be lonely, it can be hard to talk about. That was probably the biggest surprise, you know, I I end early, you know, when you start and you're in startup mode, and you don't know a lot it, you know, the early days can really be frustrating. And they were for sure.

Nik Tarascio 

Were there. I mean, were there actually moments where, you know, you had that that corporate person you were talking about in your head, it was saying you should have gone this path. Did you have those moments of incredible self doubt.

John Ratliff 

So I started the I started a wireless company, seven months after, you know, working for the the one real job that I had, and managed to sell that business, actually to my former employer about two years later and started a call center business, which turned into Apple Tree answers. And I was about that business was 24/7 365, and started completely from scratch. And I did a lot of the shoulder period work where you know, someone had to be there around the clock to answer the phone. I was trying to build the business during the day and we had people that were in during the day to answer the phone.

But I lived at the office, it was in a commercially zoned apartment complex and I lived in the office and I would do all the overnights and weekends and there were there were literally weeks and possibly months where I never left the office because I was I was the one answering the phone and there was a moment about two years and it was four in the morning on a Monday. So it was I worked the entire weekend by myself. It was it was Saturday night, Sunday night and then Sunday into Monday. And I had not slept more than two hours in probably, I don't know four or five days and I had this a big buzzer next to my bed so when the phone rang, the buzzer would go off and wake me up and we had residential neighbors upstairs. They love that but so the buzzer would go off and it would wake me from a dead sleep and I'd go and stumbling and answer the phone. It was about like I said for a Monday Warning, the buzzer went off and I was done. I'd had enough and the way I had it set up so I was sort of sounded awake enough to actually be on the phone, I had to walk by this closet in the apartment and all the equipment for the call center, like the phones and the computers and stuff are in this closet. And I walked by and I glanced in there, the light was on and I'm like, I'm done. I've done enough.

And I went in there and I literally grabbed kind of mainframe computer switch that ran everything and I put my hands on it. That was getting yanked out out of the tax, I was gonna yank it out of the wall, throw it on the ground and sleep for two days, because I was done. And I put my hands on it, I reached out and I grabbed it. And I had one of those like, you know, they talked about your life passes before your eyes, like I actually saw it was crazy. But I saw kind of my business life passed before my eyes and and I realized in that moment that if I am so close by just got this out and figure out a way to get through the next couple of months and couple of years that there's something really good on the other end. And I have my whole kind of mindset changed in that in in that instant. And the sense of calm came over me and I was obviously wide awake at this point. And I when I sat down this, there's a punch line to the story. But I sat down and the call was what we did in the call center business was we answered the phone for companies, when they weren't there to do it themselves.

For some of them. It was around the clock. For some it was after hours, this happened to be an after hours one. It was it was Delaware Express, they used to pick people up and take them to the airport and four o'clock. They got lots of calls at four o'clock in the morning. So I sit down to answer it. I'm all ready to help this person figure out how they're going to get to the airport or their drivers not there or whatever. So I answered the phone. I said good morning, Delaware express how may I help you and I hear a voice on the other end of the phone good. Ah, sorry, man, wrong number and hangs up. So I almost threw it all the way over a wrong number for one of our clients. But it was that moment where I just I just had enough of a shift that I knew if I got it out. I was gonna I was gonna be okay. So that was my, it lasted. But I was ready to be in the C suite in that instant for sure.

Nik Tarascio 

But how did you and how did you make meaning of that? On the other side? I mean, it sounds like now you've put it into a clear box of like, Oh, that was in many ways my life flashing before my eyes. And I saw the two paths in the moment. I mean, did you think you're crazy or delusional like or was it really this knowing that came over you like that was something beyond me.

John Ratliff 

So I sat down and after it was the wrong number, I just sort of laughed, and I just kind of sat there and said, All right. Like, you know, and back then I am now but back then I wasn't a big like, you know, that's a sign kind of guy. But. But I sat there for probably 10 minutes or so. And I just thought like, I've put so much work and so much effort to get to this moment. To throw it away now would be a disservice to all the people that supported me to all the people that, you know, we didn't really have outside investors, but my family had lent money and I owed money to friends and family that that helped me along the way and to quit would be not only quitting on me, but it'd be quitting on them.

And yeah, just, you know, it all shipped out. Listen, there were a lot of dark days between that that realization and today, but it just kind of changed my perspective a little bit on, you know, there's more people than just me that, you know, are counting on me here. And, you know, we had at the time, probably, she's 100 150 customers, and it would have been a lot on I'm glad that I came to my senses and didn't throw it all all the way in that that moment, but it would have been a lot to unwind it over weeks or months. So you know, that was probably the revelation was, hey, there's a lot that's gone into this. A lot of people are counting on you suck it up and figure this out. So I did.

Nik Tarascio 

Yeah. And, again, I mean, I imagine that a lot of people go through that moment that, you know, is this even worth it? I hope it's worth it, but only if the future gets brighter. You know, you've done coaching with people. So I imagine, you know, what advice do you give to people that are there kind of approaching that cliff right? You can kind of see as they're going into, like they're kind of falling out of love with their business. They're not sure if this is the right path. Other stuff looks really interesting. Yeah. What do you impart on people in that space?

John Ratliff 

Yeah, one of the things you know, I get to I get asked a lot to talk to kind of new young entrepreneurs and, you know, even pre startup or startup one of the things I say all the time, it sounds a little like a platitude, but it's to me it's totally true is you have to be willing to say I am NOT what willing to fail. Like, if, if I'm not going to make it, it's because I left every single ounce of everything I have on the field. And I just ran out of runway like, and if if you're someone that gets discouraged and has a track record, and you've got to look inside, and I believe, I believe anyone can be an entrepreneur, but I also believe you have to have a certain mindset and makeup. And I believe you can learn that mindset and learn that makeup. But if you don't want to, or you're not willing to, then you should never ever think about an entrepreneurial path. And that mindset is, failure is not an option.

And again, I know that sounds cliche, but it really is because it would have been i and when I tell you, I was like, I don't remember a lot of 1997 I was that sleep deprived. And in that moment, it would have been totally easy to say that this, this is crazy. Like, I don't see an end inside and I can give up right now, no one would have questioned and said, Hey, I can't believe you quit, like, and my mom who did our books, and would answer the phone during the day to help out sometimes, literally said to me every single day for over a year, this is the dumbest idea you've ever had, you should you should get rid of this thing tomorrow. So I had the backing of my mind support team and my family to throw in the towel. But in hindsight, and if you're a young entrepreneur, or you're thinking about this path, again, anyone can do it for you better, like have the right mindset and mental approach to it.

And failure can't be it, you can't give up easy because you'll never make it. And when you hear great success stories, there's always some of those more I need to do this. Probably a lot. And there's always some of those moments where that was the fork in the road. And I happen to go right and thank God right was the correct direction or left or whatever it was, and, and often those are those moments of like, do I quit? Or do I not? And, you know, you can't be willing to throw in the towel. Unless, you know your health is at risk or you you literally exhausted every every option. So and yeah, failure is important. And I get it like, but it's it's failures along the way, but but quitting on what you're trying to build. That's what I'm talking about. Not it's okay to fail. But it's, it's to me, not okay to just quit and throw in the towel.

Nik Tarascio 

So it's a huge difference, I think, too. And I'm curious to know, from the time you were in that year, where you again, were driving yourself to this level of sleep deprivation, how much of it was driven by you know, this belief that there was something better on the other side and how much was just self abuse.

John Ratliff 

So when I when I talked about my business life flashed before my eyes, that final scene was the belief that something better was on the other side. So I was deeply entrenched in that belief in that. You know, the running joke about I saw the light at the end of the tunnel, but wasn't sure if it was an oncoming train. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. And listen, it sucks for five more years. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was it was brutally hard. One of my one of my running joke pieces of advice is don't start at 24/7 365 business, unless you have at least five partners one for each day to work around the clock.

But I was a I was a cap table of one I was the only you know, I was the only one so but it was in that moment that I saw it and I knew like not only saw but knew, like internally knew if I stick with this, it's going to work and there's going to be a good outcome. So that's got to be I mean, it if it were easy anyone would do it being an entrepreneurs is probably the most irrational decision anyone can ever make. The odds are stacked I mean, you know, there's no backstop, it's easier when you're young. It's really hard when you have a family but but it's also it when done well and, and part of your chords. It's the single greatest gift you can give yourself which is freedom and independence. So but it is a wrap zone every single way.

Nik Tarascio 

And so you're saying it's not only hard to be an entrepreneur, but also may be hard to run a 24/7 airline that that may not be the most rational decision. Yeah,

John Ratliff 

I would. Absolutely. Absolutely say when it's only you and it's three in the morning. It's not Yeah, it's absolutely irrational. But yeah,

Nik Tarascio 

I think that's probably why a lot of airlines are family but As nurses, because you need a lot of family members to put up with the shit of it's Christmas, though and like nobody cares. It's nobody cares about your personal life anymore. No,

John Ratliff 

no, it's Christmas, I need to get from point A to point B. So that's

Nik Tarascio 

right. I mean, it's right. Even more. So. Yeah. Yeah. So we've dealt with dealt with a lot of that. And,

John Ratliff 

you know, all kidding aside, sometimes it's, I'm not, I'm not a great partner. So I struggle in partnership style. I'm, I'm in part I've been in and I'm currently in partnerships. I don't think I make a good partner, because I'm so fiercely independent. But there are times where it's really nice to have somebody else to just say, Hey, I'm like, at the end, can you you know, can you handle this? Or can you handle this. So there's a lot to be said, for having people around you that that you can, you know, talk to, and then pass things off to when you're when you're at the break or your breaking point. And I didn't have that which, you know, in hindsight, it would have been nice to have.

Nik Tarascio 

You know, the other thing that really stands out, and what you said for me is like there have been almost in my life. But you know, I grew up I'm generation to have a family business that I think the vision was survival. Like when you really think like, what do you guys envision for the future? It's like just making it through the next pay cycle, and figure out a way to not go out of business. But you know, there were times where we just kind of adrift and didn't have a vision of the future and what you said about having that vision, if it will get better. That sounds like the true north of anybody. I mean, even if it's a relationship, that's hard, right? If you're like I'm in a marriage, that's really difficult. I mean, that vision of the future seems to be the lifeline that allows people to muster that last bit of energy and push through. And, you know, when you said that, that really brought that, to me were like, my hardest years were the ones where I didn't know where I was going. Yeah, I didn't know why I was working so hard.

John Ratliff 

It's fascinating. I, I think and especially that I've tripled down on this thought, but I think the most important skill an entrepreneur possesses is creativity. And that was never more apparent. Like I said, I tripled down during COVID. I think that's, that's three times more important than it was in 2019. But even in 2019, I think the most important skill you can possess as an entrepreneur is creativity. The second most important skills, optimism, because you have to be the second that you're pessimistic about the future, you start making sub optimal decisions subconsciously, if you don't see a brighter future, there's a really, really good chance you're gonna make suboptimal decisions. So if he can muster even in the darkest days, you can muster some semblance of optimism. I think that can be the sort of the energy that propels you through. And, you know, I know some pretty Rockstar entrepreneurs names that you would know. And that's one of those skills that I'm always amazed that in their darkest days, in the face of like, this is impossible. They're still optimistic. And those lessons from some of those people are ality so it's been been pretty cool. Yeah, the

Nik Tarascio 

pandemic was a great lesson in that I remember when we first went into it, we doubled very early in the pandemic, partly because when people were basically protecting their cash, we went out and bought anything we could buy the fit with art, we were hire people hold all of our people buy new planes, because the thought was if the whole industry goes to zero, I'd rather go down in flames. Like, let's have fun with this thing. Yeah. But if it turns the other direction, we might as well play for the win. Yeah. And you're right, if we hadn't had that moment of, you know, there's actually a lot of hope here, I think we would have missed the boat. And we would have been stuck defending this square when everyone else had already placed their bets.

John Ratliff 

Yeah. And that, you know, you, you say an interesting thing. When you talk about defending the square, sometimes when you've started to taste or have some semblance of success, you're playing not to lose instead of to win. And, and, you know, with our coaching community, we really saw there were there were three very distinct mindsets through the pandemic. And we, we changed from, we used to get on a call with our coaches once a month. We were doing two or three calls a week at one point just to see and it was cool because we have 250, scaling up coaches all around the world. So we were getting to see the pandemic from a global perspective. We had a coach in China, for instance, that was like at the tip of the spear and Europe and South America and, you know, Africa, a couple of coaches in Africa and India. And we really saw three distinct kind of mindsets. And one was there was a group of entrepreneurs that were being coached by our clients that just went into motion like as long as they were in motion.

They weren't really thinking about what they were doing, but they had to just take action like that was there. And I'm talking about in the very early days, the March, April days up to wanting to it. And then the second group, total deer in the headlights, they just froze and didn't know what to do. And their fear, like literally caused them to be, like completely stuck, bad, no action whatsoever and no creativity or thinking. And then the third grid sort of took a step back and said, Okay, this is this is new, but I've relative experience from the past, maybe not directly correlated. But, you know, I understand patterns of business. And I've got gut instinct and some decision making chops. Let me just observe and see what's going on. And then let me fit in. I don't know if you're familiar with OODA, loop, Oda, it's from the fighters, John Boyd. So from an OODA Loop perspective, they were in observation mode, so no bias, just let me take in all the data that I can't, we actually adopted the OODA loop on these on a weekly sort of rhythm and pace for the coaches. And would be hard this week, we're just going to observe that first Oh, and who to Oh, the, we're just going to observe no bias, like, we're not going to assign what we think to what we see, we're just gonna take in all the data we can. In week two, we're going to orient, which is the second Oh, nuda.

Where do we fit in? Like, what's, what's our place? And what we've just observed, and then a fighter pilot kind of pilots, it's, you know, kept taking in all the data. But where do I fit in the data? Where's my wingman? And where's the sun? Where's, you know, as a cloudy is said, Friday out, it's windy, all those things. And then the third week was okay, now we need to make a decision, what are we going to do next. And then we need to take action and decision and action happened in the same week, but it stretched out, don't decide this week and take action next. But what I love about that framework, that mindset of the OODA Loop is as soon as you take action, you immediately go back into observation mode. And the coaches that were the most successful, and the entrepreneurs that were most successful, were the ones that immediately soon as I took an action, again, went back to no bias. And let's just see what happens. Let's see what's going on in the the analogy we give, we give a million of them. But one of the ones that resonates as you think about if you watch basketball, a great player takes three point shot, and they admire their shot as it's arcing through the air towards the basket. So they've taken their action, but they're not back to observation yet.

They're actually pausing to admire their whatever their action, their shot. The world class player sues the balls left his hand. He doesn't care if it goes in or not. He's right back to observation. Okay, where are the opponents? I, you know, that shot, I see it arcing. But I'm not going to stand here and admire it, I'm gonna like figure out where I fit, I'm gonna orient again. And I'm making the next decision, I'm taking the next action for the balls, even to the basket. And, and again, John Boyd, the fighter pilot said, if I can get my loop tighter, and I can get inside my opponent, and then COVID will call coach with the opponent if, if I can get inside that loop, that I have an advantage over that over the competitor. And, and again, it was that third group of our coaches and our clients. And eventually we got everyone in this mindset was, let's observe, let's orient, let's decide act.

And let's observe again, and they were the ones that really thrived. And I hear with you, you know, you guys buying airplanes. And obviously, assets were on sale for half price. That whole time. And it sounds like you went through a lot of those same iterations, like Alright, see what's going on, let's see where we are able to make a decision, take action, and let's see where we are. So I admire the fact that you took action during a period where a lot of people were completely stuck. And that's what's up became, again, I three times more important during that period than it ever was. But always, I think the most important skill for an entrepreneur.

Nik Tarascio 

Well, just like any good creativity, I'm gonna go completely off script with where I wanted to go with you now that you talked about that. So, of course, create creativity is an interesting thing for me, because, you know, again, as evidenced by the guitars on my wall, I was a musician and I never I rejected business. I said, I don't want to be a suit. Something about being a suit just scared the hell out of me was like, that's just death while I'm still alive. And only to find out that for me, going back to the visioning is that I saw the most important creative act I need to have is to paint a picture so compelling of the future that people would dedicate their life, their time away from their family to help build it.

And when it got hard, they'd be like, it's still a really beautiful picture. And it reminds me of what's possible. Yeah. And it's really that that I was like, well, writing a song is one thing, building a vision of the future that hasn't happened yet. That is just a whole other level of artistry. And so I am curious to hear more about how you seek Creativity showing up for you are some of the other people that you've worked with, because I've never really made that connection that maybe I'm actually a good entrepreneur because I'm a creative, you know, the creative, the creative part of me, not in spite of it.

John Ratliff 

I totally, I mean, one of the things you are when you're an entrepreneurs builder, you're literally creating something out of nothing, whether it's a startup or a new division, or a new service offering or even new marketing materials, new ads, new copy new content, whatever it is, we we are blessed we get the gift, as entrepreneurs to be in constant creation mode. No, because that's, that's literally how you build the future of business. If you and again, I admire the people that show up to make our creative visions reality, and how can we compel people to to be part of what we want to create. But if you don't create a compelling vision, there's no place for people to show up to play in that game. And I also believe that one of the reasons you're so drawn, and again, I'm going to be super assumptive.

But part of it my my oldest five, a 20 year old, who's a singer songwriter, I was just on a United flight and one of the movies in rotation on the United flight. As a 20 year old, he's got songwriting credit in that movie. So he's, he's at the top of his game, and I've watched him grow up as a creative. But one of the things that really compels him, and I would imagine you is his creativity, the ability to move other people, right, so you write a song and write it for yourself first. But you also write it to be out in the world and inspire others. It's no different in business and creating a really compelling vision for a business and building something from nothing. Your businesses don't live in a vacuum, they exist to serve customers and serve employees, and serve stakeholders. Without the creative energy that goes into the building of that nothing happens.

And probably the same reason you want to construct a song for you first, but for others to enjoy, is what drives you to build business for you first, but for others to solve a problem or get from A to B or show up to work and feel like they're part of something bigger than themselves. And I think that's our, that's our burden. And our gift is entrepreneurs. And I don't want to again, it sounds platitude, and cliche, but someone's got to build that stuff, right? Because if if, if all of us were really good gone to work in other people's visions, there'd be no vision, right? Someone's got to create the compelling case. And yeah, that's, that's the thing I love the most about being entrepreneurs, the creation part. So that's why I'm super super, like adamant that creativity is the most important skill. So

Nik Tarascio 

yeah, it's, again, as you were talking, it just really brought me through of how much both my music and my relationship to the business have followed the exact same arc, which is I used to suffer to create from my own pain. And I'm like, no wonder why I love my family's business. It was most painful thing I could imagine. It was the 24/7 Sleep deprivation. I basically lived at the hangar doing the same things for am flights and all types of crazy stuff. And I was like, Wow, this this was at the end of the day, I was self referential, how do I make this thing survive for me and for my family? I noticed over the last five years, this real shift into what is it like to create from abundance?

Like what is it like to create in service of others, my music has become that my business leadership has become that where it's like, yeah, I care more about the culture of the company than even what we do. If we have people that love their day, and love the job and love the work that they do, and customers that appreciate that I don't really care what I'm putting out. I don't care if it's airplanes or, you know, we're paint houses. So it's really interesting to hear you say that I've never really visualized how those two things were in lockstep. So it's, it has been my spiritual path, which kind of tees up I'm curious about yours. And that's really what I think drew me to you in the first place was you talking about I think it was being on a flight. I don't want to ruin your story. But I remember you talking about reading one of the Michael singer books.

John Ratliff 

Yeah. Well, and I definitely want to get into that because it's such a cool story. But just taking one step back for you. I would imagine there was a moment where, like you grew up in a family business. And we we see it again, in our in our conscious community. We work with lots and lots and lots of family businesses in m&a. I've taken lots family companies to market there was probably a moment where you wax and feeling like you are sort of forced into the family business as in a in an employment role and quite possibly the worst possible employment role because you didn't have a lot of choice in the matter and someone else's vision was guiding what you needed to do it for them.

And then that was probably a flip of the switch like, Hey, I have some say I have a seat at the table. I have a stake in this outcome, and I can do some of the Creation work. So we see that all the time and in family business But fast forward to the to Michael singer and in that whole piece to the puzzle. So, you know I in the flight you were right, so I battled depression. And I strongly believe that a lot of what compels people to be entrepreneurs, is they are dissatisfied with the status quo. They want to go out and make change in the world, they want to create it a lot of creatives battled depression, a lot of entrepreneurs, I think, battled depression, the stats say, seven or eight out of 10, at some point in their entrepreneurial journey will have a moderate or greater, depressive moment. For me it was it started early on I was I was a kid, battled through high school I battled through college, never talked about it kind of didn't even really acknowledge it to myself, but it was always with me. And the metaphor I use, it was like having a blanket, and there were some times blanket was really heavy.

Or sometimes I was barely sort of cognizant that it was there, but it was always with me. And it was always sort of weighing me down. And then I go through my, there were some dark days, like I shared ripping the thing out of the wall that was a super depressive period. So I go all the way through to the end, and I I sell the company and you know, should have been the happiest kind of set of moments in my life but still battling like, now you sort of lose your identity and and all the things that went with it. So it was really like it actually kind of heightened my depressive state. And again, my my arc was, you know, from, at times, suicidal to times, barely, barely recognized that I was depressed, but it was always with me. And I was part of a group called Genius Network. I'm still part of it today got in Joe call us out in Phoenix and and Joe is a great mentor to entrepreneurs. And he's been on his own journey with addiction and all sorts of other stuff. So, but like one of those real good curators of like groups and and thought leadership and ideas.

So I went out to one of his meetings and and we would meet three or four times a year in Phoenix, and he had put out in front of everyone that they're up there, you know, see the Untethered Soul by Michael singer. And one of the weird things that happened when I was in my more depressive states, I lost my ability to read. And I'm a lifelong learner, like, I believe that that's another like creativity, optimism, lifelong learner, right third on the list of important skills for our for our success. When you can't read, it's hard. And then you know, video and audible and stuff, but I literally had kind of lost, I could read a page or two and then have a really bad headache. The word started to look weird. So the books out there, I'm like, Yeah, great. I can't read anyway, so I tucked it in my briefcase. And I was flying the TBM at the time, but Phoenix I would only do the TBM from from Wilmington, Philly area to Phoenix if I had other stops to make. So I happened to be on a commercial flight.

And so the books in the briefcase, I'm flying home, somewhere over probably Nebraska. And I don't even know I reached down but I reached down and pulled out the Untethered Soul. And I started to read and realize them, like 10 pages in 20 pages in 30 pages and and kind of like, well, I'm surprised that can even get this far. Because normally it's two pages, and I'm done. And I get somewhere around I don't know, probably, I think I should know what page it is. But there's a section in the book where he talks about depression and trauma and and how a lot of times we just suppress negative emotions instead of dealing with them and moving on from them and that you carry negative emotions, like physical energy inside your body. And if you can just let it go. Oftentimes, you let it go forever. No, that's fascinating. And then again, he talks Michael singer talks in the book about if you can just sort of like when you're experiencing negativity, instead of like cramming it down, like just sort of move by. But he said, but you've got years if not decades of other negative that you've crammed in.

And the best way to get rid of it is to just kind of, again, it's a physical like, reference, but it's on a mental topic, but he's like, just kind of lean away from it and like feel your heart open up and like know that all that negatives like down into your stomach and just sort of let it like, Come out, come out, relive it one more time and let it go. So I'm like yeah, You know that's that's an whatever I'm I'm just happy I'm reading I'm lookouts and interesting idea. Know what made me do it but I just sort of sat back in my seat sitting in like, row two and first class, right. And I just sort of sit back in my seat. And I, I let like some weird negative thing and I was thinking about like, it did exactly what he described in the book. And like, I like, feel it in my chest like, and it comes up and I like felt this weird thing in my throat and I watched it sort of go away. And he's like, Oh, that was interesting. So like, I let like something else go. Next thing I know, my whole body's like, I put my finger in a electrical socket. I'm like, literally, like, I feel like I'm like humming like vibrating. All this energy is like, flooding into me. And all this negative shit. And sorry to curse on your podcast, but

Nik Tarascio 

it's okay. We could put it explicit.

John Ratliff 

All this negative stuff, we can make it where you make good stuff. Oh, is that your stuff? Is like coming out of me. And I'm like, buzzing like, like absolutely euphoric. And I realize, which is the hilarious part that like, tears of joy are literally streaming down my face, where they're like, dripping off my shirt. And I remember distinctly having this moment where I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I am sure everyone in first class thinks I'm absolutely out of my mind. And I'm like, probably preparing to take this plane down. Right? So I put sunglasses on because I'm so like, I'm not even embarrassed. I'm just aware of like, what is the sociopath doing and to see like crying like this. I mean, it was not like, it wasn't like, it was just euphoria, like just so I get off the plane. I'm still like, total like, like vibration, like Buzz state that lasted.

And for the first time since I was 12, the blanket was gone. And I mean, like, totally gone. I felt lighter. I felt like it was it was crazy. Like, I know, this story, contextually sounds bizarre, but trust me, it was like, That lasted for six weeks. And it was funny because I had a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in probably six months. And spacetime to me should request. She was doing an acquisition, and she wanted to ask about it. And she FaceTimed me. And she's like, Oh my God, you look like you've lost like 50 pounds, I had not lost an ounce. But she noticed in the first 10 seconds on a FaceTime that this weight that was on noon, which was this blanket, literally, it was gone. And it was and I can't tell you how many people in that ensuing six weeks while I was still like, totally connected to this energy. We're like, You look totally different.

And nothing changed except for except for that. So obviously, and I tell that story from stage, and I've recommended the Untethered Soul to 1000s of people, I get people that I don't even know all the time come up to me and they're like, I can't believe it, that that totally changed me. So for anyone that's, you know, battling depression, and, and it's not a cure all for everybody. But there's some great like mindsets in there about just how to release stuff that is not serving us at all that we're holding on to just because we didn't want to deal with it in the first place. I mean, some of this stuff I was carrying around for decades. And it all just sort of went. So it's crazy story. It's great. And it's amazing. I was not I had a spiritual awakening moment, actually in the British Virgin Islands on Necker Island. But I was not a super spiritual person at this particular moment in time, I became one down the road and now but that was not like this wasn't a woowoo I'm like, super spiritual. This was just a technique on how to get rid of negative crap that we're carrying around. So

Nik Tarascio 

beautiful story. I was affected by it. It was I heard it like 10 years ago, or eight years ago or something, and it always stuck with me.

John Ratliff 

I still to this day, have people that will come up to me and it's tell Believe me when I tell you, I was probably with you if you were stealing up probably in front of seven or 800 people and I get emotional when I tell it and it's hard to do that. It'd be that vulnerable in front of the number of people but I actually feel like it's my responsibility. Because it happened for me the to go through to share. So that's why I share it. I don't share it because it's fun to get on stage and cry in front of several people, but it was it was the most powerful. To that point in my life. It was one most powerful thing I've ever experienced. So who's crazy?

Nik Tarascio 

That's a Yeah, it's a big one. And I think it's that wait. I see it all the time, especially with entrepreneurs. I see it all the time where, you know, you ask the question at a conference, how's it going? It's good. And you know, or it's great. And you're like, No, I see the weight. I see the weight on you. Yeah, it is beautiful to see that, you know, books like Michael singers books. And that was a that was a big one for me, too. That was definitely one that was like, Oh, shit. There's like a whole other realm of stuff going on here that I can't quite understand. Yeah. But but you know, coming, coming through something like that, and later finding a connection to spirituality. I am curious what, you know, what have you found? Or what what is the relationship to fulfillment as you've kind of gone through the door of like, you had a lot of the external trappings of success. I mean, literally, you're living the I got the plane, I sold the company, I did all that stuff. How has that changed your concept of fulfillment for yourself?

John Ratliff 

Well, you know, one thing that I've really like, and again, the lesson just gets repeated over and over and over to the point where you have to, like, you can't not pay attention to it anymore. Some of the most successful people that I know, and I'm unfortunate or, or not, maybe to be surrounded by ultra ultra successful people all the time. And the vast majority of them are completely unhappy, they're completely out of alignment. And the more unhappier they are, the harder they work, the more success they find, and the more they chase it, the more unhappy they are. And it becomes this really like disempowering circle. And some of the happiest people I know, are they have, they have whatever level of success they have. But they're comfortable in their own skin.

They're excited about the future, they love to be around their friends and family. And they're grateful for the littlest things in the moment. And they're not chasing stuff that at the end of the day doesn't matter. And, yeah, I get it, it's easy to say that if you've had, you know, kind of the successful outcomes that I've had, but I can tell you that at my peak of success, I was the least happy. And now I would say where I don't chase success anymore. And it's not, you know, and I've have invested a lot in others. And I've done a lot of things. And my level of success today is probably less than it was but at its peak. But I find gratitude and things now that I used to not have time for because I was so busy chasing some ideal so and then again, money can buy you happiness to a point where you've got enough to be an independent thinker and do the things you want to do. And so I'm not saying this is like, don't worry about making money, don't worry about being successful. But if you can't find gratitude along the way, you're gonna chase happiness forever and be miserable. And that's that's probably the biggest lesson there. There's a guy named Dan Sullivan, he's got an organization called Strategic Coach. I don't know, do you know are familiar with Dan, coach?

Dan Dennett has this great metaphor. And if we have time, I'm happy to share because I think it's super powerful. Yeah, oh, yeah. Dan has this great metaphor, he talks about the gap. And we live in the gap. And the way he describes it is take your three year old self back to the first time you were ever on a beach. And that's about the time in our life that we have enough awareness to realize that we can see the horizon of the ocean. So when you stand on the beach, you look out in the ocean. And when you're six feet tall, it's about six miles. So I guess when you're three, and you're three feet tall, maybe three miles, but you can see that there's an edge to the ocean. And then he Fast Forwards and he says, Okay, we know that the rest of our lives that there's this horizon, on the ocean. And then he uses the metaphor when we when we start to try and achieve and set goals. We naturally set our goals out on the horizon.

And then we get the boat and we start to sail towards our goal. And so we've we've put it out on the horizon, we start to sails sail towards it. And what happens when we're a mile or two miles away from that goal? What's our what's the view out of the front of the boat? The next horizon in the next horizon in the next horizon, the horizon never comes. And what happens is we finally get to the goal. But we've lost interest in that because we're still looking at the horizon which is still six miles away, because it's always going to be six miles away till we get to Europe, I guess. But, and what we fail to do is when we pass that original Milestone that original horizon we forget Get to turn around, look and see how far we've come. So he's, again, his mind map thinking exercises. When you pass that first horizon, just drop a buoy in the water. And then when you get to the next horizon, drop another buoy in the water, and everyone's he calls it the gap, we're always in the gap between the horizon and where the boat is. And it never changes because the horizon moves as we move forward. And his mindset is drop a buoy in the water when you when you pass those horizons.

And everyone saw on the boat, just stand up and turn around, take a look at the string of buoys. And that will ground you and help you understand that you've achieved along the way that that the discontent that you're still six miles away, you're always six miles away from the next horizon. If you can see the student buoys, then, you know, you feel better about about what you've accomplished and what you've passed.

And that one really sticks with me all the time. Because I, I'm guilty of living in the gap all the time, I'm never sad, like, I'm always setting new goals, I'm always seeing new horizons, and I forget a lot to stand up and turn around and look at the buoys in the water. That's, that's what kids are great for, you can you know, your kids become your, you know, your expression of your success, and you get to see them all the time and get reminded that it's not just about chasing the goals, or as so

Nik Tarascio 

That's beautiful. Yeah. And I think that kind of brings me up to my last question for you, which is, you know, as a creative, and as someone who can create beautiful visions of what's possible, what do you you know, what's your dream beyond? What do you wake up dreaming about?

John Ratliff 

So, you know, I'm a huge believer in in purpose, core values, kind of, you know, I really struggled for an incredibly long time to finding my purpose. And I always kind of knew, like, all of us know, like, sort of intuitively, what gets us excited, and what we're about and what we stand for what we stand against, but not many of us, in our researcher and in our world have really been able to, like, articulate it to a point where it's compelling. And I'm embarrassed to say, with all the, all the work that I do in this space, and you know, in helping entrepreneurs, I finally was able to distill my purpose in the phrase, and I'm literally talking about in the last month, two months, how amazing.

Yeah, I know, it's crazy. I'm 52. But my purpose is really to make the complex simple for entrepreneurs. So I always knew, because what happened early on, in those dark, lonely days, there were some people that showed up in my life, with with no stake in my outcome and paid it forward. I actually don't believe in the term give back. Because give back means you took something from someone and I think entrepreneurs create, they don't take but so that's a semantics thing for me, but I believe you can give forward when when someone's done something for you, propels you, then it's your responsibility to give forward someone else. So I always knew I wanted to live in service of entrepreneurs, because so many people came and gave forward to me.

But I wasn't totally clear. But now, I've got an ability to look at complex situations and things and explain them in a way that makes them make sense. And that's really my purpose for the entrepreneur that's struggling, and trying to figure it all out. If I can, if I can make it a little bit easier for them or a little simpler, explain things in a way that make a little bit more sense and have them go, Oh, I get that now. And here's how I can apply that then that, then that's a success for me. So that's, that's kind of my purpose. But But yeah, I want to be in service to I want to do for other entrepreneurs, what was done for me early on, and I believe really deeply that the middle market, the companies like Jairus, and the companies like ours, are the ones that make all the things in the world happen. They make a create seven out of 10 jobs. They create all the innovative, all the innovative stuff was in the Fortune 500, the global 1000 They all play an important role.

And, you know, we're on technology created by by that group and but it's the middle market that really kind of brings texture and I think the best things to life and the middle market is a bunch of crazy entrepreneurs that see gaps in the market and see mismatches in the world and are discontent with the status quo and wake up every day to make change. And yeah, do they, some of them get to participate along the way and have massive success and build wealth and everything else. Yes. But the wealth is an outcome, that creation is what we all get to benefit from. And if I can, if I can help that group in any way, even if it's one to one, then you know, that's a successful day for me. So

Nik Tarascio 

that's beautiful. Well, from from the perspective of your purpose, I'll say you spent the last hour distilling down so many concepts to make it really simple. And I really hear that I really hear that aspect of it. And I don't want to overlook the fact that you're an incredible storyteller. I think that in many ways, you know, this stuff can sound boring, it can sound like a textbook. And when you tell it through your story, I think people can't help but find themselves on the edge of the seat going, like, holy shit, I just learned something. And I was entertained. And I was feeling not alone. So I think in many ways, the one of my favorite authors, Jamie Weil talks a lot about the idea that your purpose lives at the intersection of your trauma and your talent. And here's all these entrepreneurs wandering the world feeling alone. And it sounds like that's where you came from. And it seems like your mission is a lot of touching on that is I don't want people to feel alone in that space. And acknowledging that, man, that is a being an entrepreneur is a spiritual path, whether or not you mean it to be right, I really, really get that.

John Ratliff 

Yeah, and the more that you can kind of open your mind to that. And and I think the more opportunity there is to, and that's how you build gratitude, kind of right in front of you, you don't have to chase stuff around. So I know it's a little woowoo deck and I was not like that for a really long time. And but when I was when I finally started to connect those dots, it was it was way more fun and and it kind of way less lonely and way less frustrating, then, it had been prior. So sure.

Nik Tarascio 

Yeah, it's I'm, I'm again inspired. Even though I've heard that story before I hear it again. I'm like, man, it's such a it's such a beautiful, relatable experience. And I think it gives a lot of hope, even to me in this moment of like, I've had many of those moments, but it does give a lot of hope that there's a lot of people that can receive that help. And there's a lot of work to be done still. And that's partly why do the podcast, it's just a chance to say how do we tell the stories that can move people? Right, and that's the hope so hopefully, someone will hear and someone will be moved. And at least one person sends me a message about how your share moved them. I would just be like, yeah, man, I'm part of it. I'm part of it. I went from being a listener to a participant in your story.

John Ratliff 

You know, it's fascinating say that, to that I just, I was I was with a group last week on a really cool trip that we go on every year. And it's a group of Changemaker entrepreneurs. And and there's this mindset, like, oh, I want to impact a million people or billion people. And I want to change the world. And I want to do like, all these grandiose things. I remember I asked someone on the trip, like, you know, who said, I want to, I want to impact a million people. And I was like, What's the magic about a million people? And we have this amazing conversation that what if you impact one person, and the ripple effect of that impacts? A million people, they impact another person. And their ripple effect is a million in this, this mindset that yeah, if you could just get to, like, if you could just move the needle one degree for one person use, you've made a change in the world.

And I think sometimes, and I know entrepreneurs that are discontented by the idea that they feel like they've only affected 100,000 and not a million, and I'm more about the one like if I can connect to one person and you know, kind of change one person's path. And I have faith that that changes everything, and the ripple effect of those actions, change everything. And we had lots of great discussions about that last week. So I appreciate you say one person reaches out and says that it was a success, because I feel the same way. So thanks for that. See, right? We create all these ripples, but we don't get to see their impact, and then we're discontented. But all this good was created. And sometimes you just have to trust to put it out there. If it meets one person that the one right point in time that it was a win.

Nik Tarascio 

Yeah. And that's that's very much how I've been operating. And so I'll sum up what I think I heard today because there was so much amazing stuff in such a short amount of time we talked about, you know, three, three really important traits of entrepreneurs, creativity, optimism, being a lifelong learner and your perspective. Really being able to vision for the future, check out the OODA loop. I love the OODA Loop obviously also, as a pilot, you know, I'm really into depression, suicidal ideation, mental health in general, in this space, something that is completely overlooked still. And there's a lot of you know, I come from an industry where if you, God forbid, say you've struggled with mental health, you'll lose your license, like they'll take your license away depending on what it is.

So it's a lot of shaming and causing people to live in a prison of their own experience. And again, I also I read the gap in the game and you're telling about the buoy concept I did not get from the book. So I appreciate you saying it that way. And really, that taking that moment to turn around and go, well look how far I've come. I do think we often forget that. So, man, I really hope we get to talk more about these kinds of things soon. And yeah, this was just really beautiful. And hopefully, you're also moved by what John shared. Again, if one of you was please send me a message. I'll also let John know that we're affecting one person at a time. And that's really what it's about. And in the meantime, John has just launched the full circle mastermind, which you could check out full circle, m m.com. I'd also have to say Untethered Soul, check it out. If you don't know it, gap in the game, check it out. If you don't know it. John, are there any other things you want to recommend based on what we talked about?

John Ratliff 

Yeah, I mean, for sure, if you just Google Oda loop, I mean, that's from a from a mindset kind of thinking methodology standpoint. I love it. Certainly Michael singer, and I actually believe that the Untethered Soul, excellent, but also the other book that Michael wrote, which is surrender experiment, that kind of tells a story of how he got to write Untethered Soul. And he actually wrote them in reverse order, but I really liked that book as well. And it's, it's, you know, and you can go see Michael singer actually, he's in I have been to his place that he talks about and surrender experiment three or four times out, and it's like west of Gainesville, in the middle of the woods, but and he Mondays and Thursdays I used to be I assume it still is, but you can actually go out there. And, you know, and see him in person that it was cool. I had the opportunity to tell them, hey, I read the I told him the story. I read the Untethered Soul. Here's what happened. And it's always nice to go back and tell someone Hey, you could always work into this. And here's how it impacted me. So. Oh, yeah, that I think you've covered it in it.

Nik Tarascio 

That's incredible. And well, thank you so much for the work on your heart into it to you, for sure. Yeah, man. My pleasure. Like I said, I appreciate you putting the heart into it. And maybe next time you get down to see Michael Allah, I'll meet you down there or something like that. That's really lovely.

John Ratliff 

Yeah, it's right into Gainesville. And then you drive 20 minutes to the middle of nowhere, and you're there. So yeah.

Nik Tarascio 

Incredible. Well, thanks. Thanks again. I hope everyone was was moved and I hope you all have a lovely day. Thanks, man. Thank you for listening to the dream beyond. I hope that you received whatever message or inspiration you were meant to get from today's episode. I had a great time recording it for you. If you love the show, please take 30 seconds to subscribe rate and review it. That really helps get the word out. And if you want to connect with me, you can find me at

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[rinscupoftea]

Another 2022 Recap

Well, well, it's me again with my tradition to write my life review in in a year. So, I write this on Sunday, 1st January and I will go to work tomorrow morning 💪

So, my impression of 2022 for me is 🎆 work hard🎆

Why?

Because I think I spent almost my time to work. Not saying, I worked like crazy 🙃 it's just you know, I wake up subuh and only have 20 minutes to "leyeh-leyeh" after subuh and start to prepare to go to work. Then from 6.20 until around 4.30 I'm at school. At home, then, I can be lazy around (?) an sleep maybe at 9 or 10.

And don't ever think being a teacher is an easy job because I'm super super tired whenever I go home. Maybe because the schedule is tight from morning until evening, I have to be around kids, to teach, to accompany them and so on. And thanks God for 2022/2023, I teach English for level 6 and level 5 (2 classes). Overall, they are super nice kids, they are obedient, polite and funny. I'm in charge of pendamping for ibnu rusydi class with Ustadzah Henny as the homeroom teacher.

Ps. The teachers of level 6 are super kind and especially ustadzah Henny whom I think will be a scary senior turns out she is really kind and has mother vibe even to me 💖

Next, maybe I wanna share my hope for 2023. My resolution is still same as my 2022's. I could say that my 2022 resolution is failed (what's new 😅)

In this year I want to take care of myself physically, spiritually, and mentally.

From physic, again I want to make work out as a habit. Not because I want to be skinny (Although I don't mind if I lose weight) but more like an accomplishment that I can form a consistent habit. And then, I wanna have good posture. So far, I try to sit straight during dzikir after sholat so let's see if I can develop good habit to achieve that. For hygiene, I don' want to admit but I rarely take a bath after work 🤭 using the reason I'm tired 🙃. I don't see any bad effect so far but I don't think it's good for me and my hygiene. So, yeah I need to force myself to take a bath twice a day. Plus, I want to do skincare routine especially double cleansing and exfoliation, body care by applying body lotion daily and hair care by using hair oil or creambath

For spirit, my goal is to do solat tahajjud at least 3 times a week and recite Al Quran 2 pages per day.

For mental, (I'm not sure if it's consider as mental habit) I need to strengthen my English skills especially pronunciation and speaking skill. I notice it's hard for me to teach full English like I need some time to proceed what I wanna say to students in English and at the end I speak Indonesian to them (feel guilty 😬) so that's why I want to focus on those skills.

And you know, I enjoy watching vlog especially if it's related to live in Europe or just abroad in general. My heart said "I want to have that kind of experience" but I think my brain set down the expectation and said "let's just make it a dream only in your head" I don't know if I can achieve that goal someday, after all I don't have clear goal like what I want to do abroad, work or study, in what country do I want to go and etc. But I want to brace myself by admitting that it's my dream that I want to achieve and start working on it. Right now, I want to focus on learning IELTS and hopefully along the way I can figure out what exactly my dream is.

The last, for trivia things. I still like watching anime but I think the only anime I finish to watch is Mob Psycho 3

For music, I still listen to Eve.

For other entertainment, I occasionally enjoy asmr video, start from Latte asmr, Zerona asmr, and Edafoxx. They are literally angels to me giving me and other viewers comfort we need 😭. And also there is spicy one the holy YSF 🤪 (am I hopeless?) I think now I know that I like men with deep voice lol

I also enjoy playing games on my computer and no, not the pirate ones. I try to buy them legally now on steam 😎 currently I play Coral Island and Spiritfarer (the best game ever)

And surprisingly, I managed to read one book this year while waiting my visit to the eye doctor (I forget what the exact word is). The title is Convenience Store Woman and yes I buy it legally on Play Books. A good book that leaves pang on my heart.

So, I think that's all for now. I hope me and my family can live happily and healthily in 2023. May Allah bless us always. Amiin

[jcbbby]

A Chance Meeting pt.3.

Y'all. Y'ALL. Get ready. This is your warning. This is a doozy, both in content and in length. The 3rd and final part to this saga. I truly have been so overwhelmed with the love on the first two parts. I threw the first installment up on a whim, my first bit of writing on here ever, and it's been so great to have such wonderful feedback on it. Thank you for sticking with me! Also lmao, the "song" that appears in this...listen, I pulled those lyrics out of my ass. They're not a song I've or anyone else has ever written. They're corny, I know. Ignore that lol....anyway...

Synopsis: By chance, you meet the person you've admired most from afar, Jamie Campbell Bower. By luck, a friendship blossoms. Or perhaps...more? Over the course of a whirlwind week, your wildest dreams start to become reality.

Pt. 1 here. Pt. 2 here.

Warnings: Swears, alcohol, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it in real life, kids).

-11:15pm. Friday.-

You and Jamie sat next to the other at the hotel bar, elbows propped up on the flat countertop, facing each other. You sipped your glass of wine in between laughs and upbeat conversation. You felt an ease you hadn't felt in so long, like everything in your life thus far had simply been leading up to this innocuous moment in time. Jamie glanced at your empty glass in front of you.

"Would you like another? On me, of course." Jamie asked, pushing his hair back with one hand. You looked down at the glass and back at him. "If you want, I mean. No pressure. Again, not trying to get you drunk..." He put his hands up in front of him and leaned back slightly, smiling.

You laughed and lightly smacked your hand down on the bar. "You know what, why not. It's Friday night, and I played a damn good show, I earned it." You smirked.

"Absolutely!" He exclaimed, raising a hand to get the attention of the bartender. "Could we get another glass, please? Cheers, mate. Thanks." The bartender nodded and grabbed a bottle to pour into your glass.

"I know I keep saying it Jamie, but really, thank you so much for coming to the show. I mean, you've truly been such a huge inspiration for me, and I've been a fan of your music for years. It's just so mind-blowing to think you've heard music I've written." You looked down as you took a sip of your fresh glass of wine.

"Aw, Y/N...you wonderful girl." he tilted his head, with a smile that reached his eyes. "That means so much, love. I'm so honored to have been even a sliver of inspiration to music as great as yours. Thank you. And you know, you're going places, I'm sure of it." He smiled and placed his hand over yours on the counter.

You glanced down at his hand on yours, and then up to meet his gaze. Your heart raced and you felt your face flush as you smiled, your eyes tilting slightly downward as you nearly let tears well up. Before this week, you never saw yourself getting out of your current station in life. It was hard to believe in yourself, and believe you were talented enough to achieve what you wanted. But sitting here, as Jamie of all people told you he believed in you, it felt like a dream. For even just a moment, you believed in yourself too.

"Thank you, Jamie. I just...I can't thank you enough." You shook your head, still unsure if this had all just been a very long dream. You took another sip from your glass.

"You know, I've actually started writing a new song since I've been here. It's not finished yet, but perhaps you'd like to hear it? I mean, you've so generously shared your music with me, it's only fair I do the same, right?" He smirked.

Your eyes widened as your lips parted into a toothy smile. "Are you kidding?! Oh my god, yeah I'd love to hear it!"

He chuckled. "Alright, grab your drink, love. Let's go up to my room, I've got my guitar with me."

You nodded and obliged, picking up your glass and scooting yourself off the bar seat. You followed him toward the elevator, wondering what you were about to hear. Riding up to the 19th floor of the hotel, he held his arm in front of him as the doors opened, allowing you to step out first. He then took the lead down the hall, halting outside a door. He rummaged around his pockets for a few seconds, before pulling out a key and tapping it to the door, it making the door click unlocked. He opened and held the door for you as you entered the large suite.

"Wow, they really put you up well, huh?" You glanced around. Items of clothing and bags were scattered throughout the room. Not a mess, but enough to make the room look lived in for several days.

Jamie chuckled. "Oh, yeah... Accommodations are often a surprise when they're booked by PR team. Sometimes they're tiny little rooms, other times they're like a castle. I'm always happiest with something in between, like this." He bent down to open his guitar case.

You sat on the end of the bed, watching him remove the beautiful light amber acoustic guitar from it's case. He turned to sit on the armrest of the sofa, across from you, with one leg up on the sofa cushion to rest the guitar on his thigh, as the other leg remained stretched out down to the floor. Sliding a guitar pick off the coffee table and into his hand, he quickly tuned the instrument. You watched him thinking to yourself how good he looked holding that guitar, his hair falling into his face, his long fingers over the strings.

"Okay..." He shifted himself slightly, pushing the hair behind his ear, and cleared his throat. "Like I said, it's not finished yet. So don't judge too harshly." He smirked.

He began playing, plucking a sweet and simple tune. You instinctively smiled as he started singing. His voice soft and deep, warm and passionate. He sang with a controlled, quiet intensity, his eyes looking down at the guitar, as his fingers slow danced across the fretboard. You listened to the lyrics he crooned, trying to get a feel for what the song was about. As you listened, your eyes welled up slightly, feeling goosebumps ripple across your skin.

"She longs for more in life But if she could only see She's got the whole world in her eyes And she amazes me Each time she smiles Or glances over at me I can hear the heavens cry And I just want to make her mine"

He went on for a bit longer, before he started to trail off. He looked up at you, for the first time since he started the song.

"That's all I've got so far..." he smiled sheepishly.

"Jamie, that...was beautiful. I loved it." You brought your hands up, placing them against your chest, over your heart.

"Thank you, love." He held his shy smile.

He got up off the sofa and bent down to lay the guitar back into it's case. Closing the top of the case, he came to sit next to you on the bed. There was a few seconds of a heavy feeling silence before you turned and opened your mouth to speak.

"I um...I really wish you didn't have to leave tomorrow." You placed a hand on his leg, not even realizing.

"I know, darling. I would love to stay even just a day longer. It's been great here." He looked into your eyes.

"I've just, had the best time of my life getting to know you. I feel so lucky." You let out a breathy laugh.

Jamie smiled and placed his hand on top of yours, both resting on his thigh. "I've felt so lucky getting to know you as well, Y/N." He paused for just a beat. "You know...if I'm being honest, that song was largely inspired by you." His thumb began ever so slightly caressing the top of your hand.

You blushed, your heart beginning to race, a surge of electricity running through your blood. "Me? Oh, Jamie...you sweetheart, I don't know what to say." you held his gaze, biting your bottom lip slightly as you smiled.

"I really like you, Y/N." Jamie said, as both of you started to lean in slightly.

You felt like you could combust at any moment. Is this really happening right now? You thought.

"I- I really...like you too." You stuttered, trying to comprehend what was happening.

Jamie broke eye contact, looking down to take both of your hands in his. You looked down as well, following his hands with your eyes as they enveloped yours. You both looked back up at each other. You hoped he couldn't feel how fast your pulse was going.

"Y/N...can I kiss you?" Jamie asked, his eyes full of longing.

You blinked a few times and swallowed, trying to not let the surge or energy you felt building in your body come out from your mouth in whatever way it was trying to escape. You bring your eyes back to center, looking into his and nod. "...yes."

He gave a slight smile as his eyes diverted downward towards your mouth. He brought a hand up to cup your cheek. Slowly, he leaned into you, his lips softly pressing into yours. The kiss was quick, breaking after a few seconds. He leaned his forehead against yours. You felt an energy building between the two of you, almost like a magnetic pull. You breathed a few times, feeling that energy begin to pulsate, and before either of you could say anything, you found yourself crashed against each other's lips again. This time, a raw hunger seemed to engulf the both of you. His lips parted, his tongue asking for entrance, which you allowed. Your arms reached to him, and his to you, hands grabbing at the other's bodies, trying to pull them closer.

Jamie began pushing your jacket up over your shoulders, revealing the tank top you were wearing beneath it. He moved his head down after letting the jacket fall to the floor, leaving love bites on your neck and on your collarbone. You moaned sweetly as his teeth and lips moved over your skin, your hand traveling up his back and into his blonde locks. Jamie's hand began to make it's way under your tank top, caressing your waist, inching closer to your breasts. He stopped just before taking your left breast in his hand.

"Is this okay?" He asked against your neck, placing a kiss just under your ear.

"Yes...I want you, Jamie..." You breathed out, as his hand moved up under your bra and began massaging. His mouth ventured back up to yours as he started making circles with his thumb around your nipple. You moaned slightly against his kiss, breaking it for just a few seconds as you quickly removed the tank top. Your lips met again, Jamie's hands wrapping around your back to unclasp your bra. You then began inching his shirt up, asking without words to remove it. He leaned away to allow you to bring the shirt over his head, revealing his tattoos, and toss it to the side.

He took you in his arms, laying you down on your back. He laid against you, pressing your shirtless top halves against each other, skin to skin. He went back to your breasts, beginning to suck on one nipple while his thumb moved back and forth across the other, then switching, making sure to give ample and equal attention to each.

Once he felt satisfied with his work, he reached for the button of your jeans, looking up at you for assurance. You nodded as he looked back down, undoing the button and zipper, continuing to plant kisses down your thigh as he slid your jeans over them. Letting them fall to the floor, he leaned back in, kissing and gently biting your thigh as he played with the hem of your panties. Twisting his pointer fingers around either side of the fabric, he began sliding them down, revealing your whole body now to him.

"You're so fucking stunning." He said breathlessly, taking a moment to take every part of you in, before leaning over, planting kisses from just under your chest, back down to your thigh.

He glanced up at you, eyes full of admiration, before bring his hands to your thighs. He gently parted them, bringing his mouth to your heat. Your breath hitched, as you felt his tongue working on you, working some kind of magic. You let out a moan, as he smiled against you.

"Jamie..." you breathed, and tried to stifle another moan, suddenly acutely aware of being in a hotel and having neighbors in nearby rooms.

Jamie looked up suddenly. "No, you let it out babe. I want to hear you." He smirked.

He took this opportunity to slip a finger inside, bringing his tongue back against you, immediately doing the come hither motion with his finger. Your hips began to buck against him, and your hands quickly buried themselves in his hair as your head flew backward against the pillows. Your moans grew louder as he slipped in another finger and began pumping. You felt your pleasure building up in your stomach as Jamie continued. Before you could let yourself come undone, your hands brought Jamie's face back up to yours, as you pushed your lips against his, his face moistened by you.

You reached down and began fumbling with his belt. He smiled against your lips, before leaning back on to his knees to assist you in removing his trousers. He rolled over on to his back to kick them and his boxers off, before rolling back on top of you. He hovered briefly, forehead pressed against yours, before lining himself up and slowly pushing inside of you. You both moaned as he let you adjust to his length. He sighed as he leaned back in, wasting no time pushing his tongue into your mouth, as he began to thrust.

Like he had asked of you, you were not shy in verbally encouraging him. You probably wouldn't have been able to if you tried to keep quiet, the man sure knew what he was doing.

"Fuck...oh fuck...you feel so good baby." Jamie breathed in your ear as he picked up his pace.

In a quick shuffle, he propped himself on his knees, lifting your legs up, holding them at a 90 degree angle in his arms to give him leverage, as he continued. This position allowed him to hit exactly where you needed it to.

"Oh shit...fuck..." Your back arched as you gripped the sheets. "Just like that...mmm..."

You could feel yourself tensing around him as he kept going. He would change up the pace, going from hard and fast, to slow and deep, and it was driving you wild. You felt your pleasure reaching it's peak. "Fuck...Jamie, I...oh god..." You moaned as your legs began to shake.

"Hold on, darling..." Jamie whispered, between grunts. "I want to look at you."

He lowered your legs to either side of him, bringing his hands behind your back, and lifted you up toward him. His legs stretched out under you, so that you were facing each other, his hands supporting your lower back as you both continued to rock your hips in rhythm with the other. Your arms rested on his shoulders as you both looked into each other's eyes. With a couple more thrusts, you felt yourself come undone, seeing white as you threw your head back in ecstasy.

"That's it, baby..." Jamie moaned, loving the show you were giving him.

You fell forward into him as your arms wrapped tighter around his neck, riding out your high. Within seconds he also reached his release, tightly wrapping his arms around your waist, moaning next to your ear. The two of you were left clinging to the other as your movements slowed down, leaving you both breathing heavily, in a haze of bliss. You smiled into his neck, gently placing a soft kiss. Jamie carefully laid the both you back on the bed, taking you in his arms and holding you against his chest, caressing your shoulder. He took in a deep breath and let it out with a content sigh, before kissing the top of your head.

"You're amazing." Jamie said, leaning his head against yours.

You smiled as you began tracing his skull tattoo. "You're not too bad yourself." You smirked.

You laid together, intertwined for a few moments. You were tired, but at the same time, the most awake you've ever been. Slightly zoned out, blissed out, still letting your finger explore the lines of his chest art, Jamie spoke and brought you back down to earth.

"You should come see me in LA soon." He smiled, softly playing with your fingers.

You smiled back. "I think I would love that." You paused, your smile fading just slightly. "Jamie...this isn't just going to be some hook up thing, is it?" You looked into his eyes, slight concern taking over your face.

Jamie now took your hand firmly in his and brought it to his lips, kissing it, before squeezing you tighter against him, placing his head in the crook of your neck.

"No, darling. No, I have a feeling this is the start of something truly beautiful." He whispered.

*************************************************

THE END. The rest is up for your imagination. :)

Thank you SO MUCH for sticking around and for all the overwhelming love on this. I hope this final part was sufficient for you! I appreciate every single person who liked, reblogged, interacted with any of these posts. I wish the world for you. <3

People who asked to be tagged: @nyleen @nograce-nomercy @dark-academia-slut

[sleepyowlwrites]

story behind your stories tag

invented by @writingonesdreams who did not know she was making this tag for me. this is exactly the kind of stuffs that I love! mmm delicious introspection.

Rules: go over your favourite creative projects and reflect on how they were influenced by your real life at the time

I'll go chronologically to help my brain out.

Somewhere Else/Sky Earth/Walking Through Shadows - this wasn't my first "novel" but it was my first project that actually got worked on for a long time. it's pretty typical fantasy with choice vs destiny, responsibility vs/and loyalty, family bonds, magical items, an expansive world and a lot of allegory (I was 14 when I started this, and had come upon the revelation that I was meant to be a writer. whatever else I did, I had to write. the MC is a girl who has to start making decision about her life, just like I was doing. I lost the plot between all the worldbuilding, which also was happening in my life.)

Lands of Colors series - I did so much brainstorming for this but never wrote it. based around element controlling teens in adjacent magical kingdoms, it was all about people coming together as friends to solve problems. (I worked on this in high school and deep into my "I'm weird I'm a weirdo I don't fit in and I don't wanna fit in" phase in which my friends were all like "yeah sure you're weird, let's play video games" and it was great. ish.)

29 Days of October - this title has belonged to two totally different stories, and it showcases how I changed my preferences for what type of stories I wanted to write. it was fantasy both times, but one time it was really generic, and one time it was generic but I was starting to get the hang of "tropes can be twisted around in many directions" (my mom found this curriculum for One Year Adventure Novel and I tried to do it with this. we might still have it, I don't remember. this was around the time I was realizing that I could never write what I was told, only whatever I felt like.)

Every Other Star is Silent - this is anxiety story! lonely college freshman gets adopted by some friends and there's a lot of anxiety and crying but also hugging and healing. (I thought this up in 2016, right before I remembered I had a tumblr account, and knew that this was something I had to write about, because I've done the anxiety and crying thing and I wanted to talk about it. I wanted other people to feel seen, and to understand, and to make it something between escapism and horribly raw reality. according to the comments on ao3 - because I borrowed a fandom to help myself write it - I did achieve that.)

Twisted - this was 2018, I think. seven mercenaries from wildly different background - two assassins from different "schools", a soldier, an everyman, a weapons expert, a clairvoyant and a kid get hired to retrieve a princess to take the throne of a kingdom. turns out the nobles want to kill her so they become her guardians. the kid is discovered to be a prince so they help him take the throne instead. (this was in my "oh I can borrow a fandom to let me write? sweet" phase and everything I wrote started out with names of existing characters and then I gradually worked it back into my own thing. around this time I was feeling extremely suffocated by work and just wanted to escape and not feel like a failure all the time. so did every. single. character in this wip.)

It's a Big Universe - I dreamed it up. I woke up with the taste of this vivid dream on my tongue and I wrote it down as fast as I could. lonely alien flies around in his spaceship until an oracle tells him where he can find friends. he does indeed find them, and they adventure around the universe before ending their story together/starting a new one. (if you would like to read this, lmk. it's about 2K ((the short, finished version)) and bittersweet, I think. I can't say what it was mirroring, but I was fully established as a "friendship over literally anything else" writer.)

Youth - 10 teenagers have emotions and sometimes talk about them. or, "what if all the other stuff that happens in your life like school and jobs and family and random events weren't really a thing and we were just busy experiencing all those chaotic teenage emotions" the novel. (I think most of what I write will fall under NA, but I have such a soft spot for YA and for the teenage years and all the tumultuous feelings that come with them. this is not really a story. it's an extended experience, a group of vibes, a season, a dream. but it means so much. it means SO MUCH.)

dirt in the doing - I've had this wip for not even two months but it already holds my heart. angsty young people are keen on rebelling against a society that seems to always be against them but they are continually pausing on that long term goal to work on shorter, more personal ones, like dealing with their respective traumas and punching some people. there is introspection, and metaphor, and friendship, and casual affection/intimacy, and banter, and PAINFUL EMOTIONS - all my signatures faves. (in between 2012 and 2016 I figured out that I just want to write WHATEVER I want to write, and maybe I should just do it. by 2018 I completely conquered any last reservations about showcasing my raw, unedited or unfinished creations to the world, I had become extremely positive about my art and writing, and I had quit the job that was destroying my mental health. now, in 2022, I write what I want, I share what I want, I have developed a style and skills, I don't make promises to myself or anybody, and I don't insist that I stick with anything or throw away anything. I don't give up on my writing, I just sometimes give up on particular pieces of it. but it's never a waste. never a waste, always a gain. I wrote dirt in the doing and posted it unedited and never felt bad about doing something new or not fixing typos. I'm "pushing 30" and I've grown up. so has my writing. so has my attitude. I wonder what new trope I'll become obsessed with next. probably nothing can top hugging.)

thanks for curating this game for me, Dreamy. you're a true friend. 😊

tagging @woodhousejay @writingamongther0ses @blind-the-winds @mecharose @talesofsorrowandofruin or anybody and of course no pressure (this is probably not everybody's cup of tea)