#also I’m pretty proud a tha perspective in this…..

[thecosmicsailor]

“Sorry, pal. Looks like you drew th’ short straw with that information a’ yers.”

(Or: Murdering witnesses is always more fun with eyes watching, but since ze can’t risk any cameras being around, Souma just has to make do with all her paintings.)

[aajjks]

Yandere!BTS: The seven deadly Sins.

Disclaimer: This is yandere, it contains dark themes, such as obsession, sexism, sex, anger issues, abuse, the seven deadly sins. This is purely fictional and this does not represent bts irl, please do not romantacise this and I do not condone this behaviour irl.

note. hope you enjoy? Please share your thoughts. I’m tried? This isn’t edited. OT7 CONTENT WOHOOO

Jin:

I see Kim Seokjin as Pride.

have you seen that face? I mean come on! Seokjin as yandere is controlling, cold, arrogant and very much full of himself, he likes to think of himself as someone so much of worth, you don’t really deserve him, but the man sure as hell deserves a pretty face like you.

You should be feeling really lucky and grateful to him for loving someone as lowly as you, even though you’re pretty but in his perspective, you’re also dumb. naivety is your middle name, you’re like a little lamb.

You need him, and he knows that, he’s so proud of it.

“Y/N... sweetheart you can’t even sit like a proper lady... do I have to teach you that.. too..”

“I’m literally so much good looking, rich and intelligent unlike you... Y/N would be so lucky to be with someone like me. You’re shit.”

“I’m so proud of myself. I’m great. I’m the greatest lover out there. Isn’t that right, doll face?”

Yoongi:

I see Min Yoongi as Envy.

he is so insecure, unsure and so complexed of other people that he can’t help but feel envious of other people in love.

He wants that too. He’s so jealous.

He is incredibly envious of people that get to spend time with you before he kidnapped you, your parents watched you grow up. Your friends got to listen to all of your stories.

Maybe even of your dead ex lovers. Yoongi is convinced that he is unworthy of you. But others are too... and he’d be damned if someone else got someone like you so ethereal.

He’d die of envy.

“Y/N... my world... I feel so incredibly jealous of your family... they got to spend so much time with you, god... I’m so envious of them..”

“Why do you pay so much attention to our pet when it should be me... why Y/N...?”

“I’m so jealous of everyone around you Y/N... I can’t help it..”

Hoseok:

I see Jung Hoseok as Sloth.

He’s a very angry but lazy yandere, he’s too careless, he just doesn’t care about your feelings, what you want. He wants you with him, and he’s going to have you.

He’d punish you when you’d try to escape because he’s just so tired of your little pathetic antics to leave him, when you know so well deep down, you can’t escape him ever.

He isn’t necessarily lazy when it comes to having sex or punishment but he’s a literal sloth when it comes to showing affections, or that you mean something to him.

He is lazy to let you know that he “loves” you.

He isn’t the lovey dovey type. He’s a sloth when it comes to letting you know tha he cares.

“You can care for yourself right, baby? So I’m going to bed. You’re such a handful.”

“Not now..Y/N don’t test me.”

“I’m so fucking tired of your cry baby nature. Fucking shut up before I make you.”

Namjoon:

I see Kim Namjoon as Gluttony.

now hear me out. Gluttony (Latin: gula) is the overindulgence and overconsumption of anything to the point of waste. So, now that we have the meaning clear.

Let’s get to business.

Namjoon is a greedy man, he wants to devour you, you are someone he can’t enough of ever no matter how unhealthy his infatuation with you can get.

While he’s aware that his greed to be with you, is far from healthy or normal. He doesn’t care, at all. You’re so addictive that he could just eat you up.

And wouldn’t ever get enough.

“Y/N... you don’t need a career.. I’m here to provide for the both of us... just... be with me... I need you more.”

“I can sleep later... I need to get enough of your beauty... but I can’t.”

“No.... no Y/N... just stop trying to stop me... I can’t be stopped..”

Jimin:

I see Park Jimin as Greed.

Now, yandere Jimins a greedy greedy man.

He is so hungry for you, his greed to have more and more of you can never end. His greed to completely have you to himself can never be satisfied.

Jimin is also very greedy when it comes to sex, he’s awfully needy that it’s scary. But what’s scarier is that he can never be content with what you’re willing to give him.

He doesn’t understand limits.

Limits are not made for a greedy man like yandere Jimin. He needs your love, all of your love, all of your affections and even hatred.

All of it. Jimin wants to have all of you in every single way possible.

After all his greed can never be enough.

“Nooo Y/N... I let you visit the outside today... I deserve my reward... pleaseeeee.... I need you, fulfill our deal...”

“Can’t you praise me more? After all I do for you? Do you not see it? How much I love you? Just how much more I’m willing to do for you...?”

“No... you can’t leave me today... come back... I haven’t had enough of you yet.”

Taehyung:

I see Kim Taehyung as Lust.

He’s just so lusty. There’s not a day where his lust doesn’t intensify the more time he spends with you.

His lust became your dismay. He can get turned on by the littlest things you do, like even the sound of your breathing. Taehyung likes to blame you for just being such a sex goddess.

Your eyes are so damn sexy, your lips are so tempting, your body is just so beautiful that he can’t get enough of his burning desire, the way you look at him whilst anger dances in your beautiful expression gets him so hot and bothered.

You’re such a tease, it’s your fault that he’s so sex crazed.

It’s your fault that you’re so fucking ravishing. He could devour you whole if you’d let him.

“I wanna fuck you so hard baby... don’t make this harder for me.”

“Your legs are looking so sexy today... fuck.”

“Scream louder, let everyone know just how good I fuck you, baby... don’t shy away now.”

Jungkook:

I see Jeon Jungkook as Wrath.

Cliché, I know but hear this out.

Jungkook is chosen for wrath because he’s jealous so easily, given that he is pathetically insecure so his way of expressing his insecurities is by showing anger.

His wrath is scary.

He gets easily blind sided when anger takes over him. His wrath is triggered by his jealousy issues, basically.

He gets so so angry when someone’s stare on you lingers for more than five fucking seconds. He is angry when you put your family first when it should be him.

The one who literally worships you like a goddess. Jungkook is angry that you don’t know just how much he loves you.

He is angry that he can’t make you understand just how crazy he is for you.

Just how much you drive him mad.

Just how angry he gets when his fear of you leaving him threatens to come true. His feelings are aggressive.

You can’t understand his wrath, be careful.

“HOW FUCKING DARE YOU LAUGH AT MY DEAR Y/N?!? I WILL RIP YOUR HEART OUT!”

“FATHER YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THAT IF I WONT HAVE Y/N I WILL DIE!”

“YOU CANT LEAVE ME I WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING!”

[idk-i-want-mcl-content]

My Candy Love HSL boys as Conan Gray songs (Castiel ENG post)

Hi, so I wanted to make this post since a while ago, to add more content you know, talk about the songs that I have chosen for them and overall have a good time :D

As you can see, I’m going to do this only with Kentin, Armin, Lysander, Nathaniel and Castiel in the canon of highschool because they are the ones I’m more familiar with. Also, I’m going to translate this post to spanish!

We are going to start with Castiel,  and if you listen to Conan and are a fan of MCL I think it is really obvious which song I’m picking. 

Fight or flight it’s a song about a couple, but after one person has cheated and the perspective of the person singing is the one who’s being cheated.

We know Castiel has been cheated on by Deborah, and based on what we seen on the episodes telling his story with her, we can see that he's really resentful of her, but even if he knows she left him, even if his close friends tell him it's not the right choice to be with her again, he can't decide whether to stay or leave her, to fight or flight.

 The verses that really reminded me of him are the first verse and the chorus, it starts really slow but then in the chorus there’s a really heavy guitar, it combines anger with sadness, it’s a bittersweet feeling that I think describes Castiel really nicely.

Something's gotten into you

You don't really look at me the way you used to

And I'm hoping it ain't true

Every single rumor that I've heard of you say

Say you were off with someone that I don't know

Callin' other people on your telephone

Kinda wish I didn't know

Well, fight or flight

I'd rather die

Than have to cry in front of you

Fight or flight

I'd rather lie

Than tell you I'm in love with you

My eyes are welling up as you admit there's someone new

It's my move

Fight or flight

Like, please, it almost is as if he wrote this. 

I even feel like when Deborah came back, Castiel felt like time was going back and we can see that reflected in a lot of ways, but because of that I imagine he also started to recognise the way she acted before leaving him again, that moment of realization is what this lyric describes.

Other verses that reminded me of him and Deborah were: 

Wish You Were Sober 

I'ma crawl outta the window now

Getting good at saying, "gotta bounce"

Honestly you always let me down

And I know we're not just hanging out

Nineteen but you act twenty-five now

Knees weak, but you talk pretty proud, wow

Ripped jeans and a cup that you just downed

Take me where the music ain't too loud

I know, I know, Castiel trusted with his life Deborah before he knew she was jut using him, but it’s the same bitersweet feeling of I know you are bad to me, but I can’t leave you.

And finally we have The cut that always bleeds with: 

Cause if you're gonna leave

Better leave, better do it fast

Can't live another minute

Bleeding from my back

'Cause I don't have another one

For you to stab

And I don't want to have

Another heart attack

But even though you're killing me

I, I need you like the air I breathe

I need, I need you more than me

I need you more than anything

Please, please

'Cause I could be

Your lover on a leash

Every other week

When you please

Oh, I could be

Anything you need

As long as you don't leave

The cut that always

I know it’s VERY cliché to think oh, Castiel? then let’s give him a breakup song or a cheating song, okay next one- but I feel that, you know, this song aren’t just sad, they also reflect anger, they also reflect the insecure thought, the suspicions, the toxic need to stay and the constant fight within himself to finally understand that she never was what he thought.

And maybe I’m looking too much into how the game portraied this, but we all know we don’t live in a world that is black and white and taking that into account I think what maked complicated for him to accept the FACTS was because he was also really, really, really sad.

I think that conan expresses these feelings that at first glance are not thought of as a whole, but rather as parts of the rupture that make up the whole, but this is not always the case.

[sunseteyes]

FLUFFVEMBER DAY 12: ATSUMU MIYA

prompt: couple’s quiz (prompts are by @jojosmilktea)

word count: 1,766 words | themes: gen!reader. youtuber!reader. fLUFF. i got carried away but this is pretty domestic honestly.

tags: @kacchanori @chickynn @todominica @sparkleswritings @brinthie @patricia-ceballos @giyuus-wife @bitchtrynafck @astrxrism @animatedarchives @deephasoceanmagic @strawberrysalwa (send a dm/ask to be added!)

rv: i know i did say atsumu’s love language here is different but love languages can change especially when you’re already in a relationship. i actually answered the quiz this time in atsumu’s perspective and it’s very difficult but yeah it has to happen lmao. i pretty much agree with the results and yes don’t take it so seriously because i’m not atsumu himself and well this is just from my own perspective, hopefully it was close enough to his character. special mention to my honey @liliannyah nia i’m tagging you here because i know you’ll be simping on tsum tsum here ya go hun

✒︎ love language

mornings with atsumu are peaceful. afternoons are full of fun, and well evenings are the best. that's usually because; around these times are when atsumu is at his best and most positive energy throughout the day.

however for you, you had a schedule beforehand and you have plans on how to spend your day, and it's with atsumu.

"hey babe, can you film with me today?" you situated yourself by the doorway of your shared bedroom, seeing the dirty blonde specks of his hair peaking under the blankets that was covering his body, the rays of light coming from the sun, escaping the gaps from the thin fabric of the curtains by your window. you wanted him to rest as much as he can since he doesn't usually have cancelled trainings, however this is also the best time for you to bond with him more, and you've got the perfect idea for that in your mind.

all he need to do is wake up and-

"i want to sleep." atsumu's voice overcomes the silence, however muffled it was. a frown forms on your lips as you made your way next to the bed, pulling the covers from his form just for him to groan and try to pull it back.

"i want to sleep, (y/n). five more minutes." he has his eyes closed as the fringes of his hair tried to protect them from the brightness of the surroundings, even from you.

atsumu must have felt the bed dip as you sat on his side, his brows furrowing at the faintness of your touch when you reached out to brush his strands away from his handsome face. you grazed lightly on his forehead, removing the sweat that must have formed due to the warmth that summer brought to the temperature.

your frown curls upwards as you admired how atsumu leans onto your hand, even for just a second. you skimmed your hand on your shirt before leaning forward and faced atsumu with an arm supporting your head on the pillow.

"you have to wake up, tsumu. i've got breakfast ready." you sang to him gently, still looking at his face with awe and wonder. most of the time, you question yourself how you got a guy like this. in those silent moments where you just feel so lucky how someone like atsumu miya could love someone like you.

"you're looking at me like that again."

you were broken from your trance as you were met by his gaze, not even looking at you before he said those words.

"what is it?" he breathes out as he closed his eyes again, now snuggling his way towards your form. you sighed and brushes his hair again, feeling out its softness despite the fact that it was dyed and it should be dry under your touch if it weren't for how atsumu takes very good care for it.

"come on, tsumu. the food will get cold." you say, only to feel him slide his arms by your waist, pulling you closer to him, embracing you even.

however no matter how much you liked it, you pushed him away, "tsumu! we're going to film today, wake up!" you whined, prying away from his grasp.

"film?" his face brightens up in almost an instant, his eyelids opening at the same time. "we? you said we?"

you smile at his reaction, relaxing and nodding your head. "yeah, i did, i literally said it five minutes ago. don't you want to?"

"of course i do!" he sits up, an evident pout on his lips. "why didn't ya say so? y'know how long i've been waiting for this day. i don't really get why you keep me from yer subscribers if you loved them so much."

you sat up as well, grinning in amusement. "you really like the attention, do you?"

"wha-? no i don't."

"oh my dear tsumu, you do." you giggle and climbed out of the bed. "come on let's eat first. i already set up everything so we can film right after eating."

time passes by and before you know it, you and atsumu were already in front of the camera, the lights not bothering you anymore with how you were so used to having them around you. atsumu also seemed to be in the similar situation and was much more comfortable with where he was situated, as if this was his moment.

after all, you made him wait for a long time before finally deciding to show him in front of the whole world.

“is this live?”

you nod at him, “yeah, are you nervous?”

“huh-me, nervous? ‘course not.” he scoffs but as you poke his chest and stopped there for awhile, you gave him a smirk, to which he merely slaps your hand away and pouts away.

“hello there! how’s everyone?” you immediately smile at the camera, your laptop showing the bountiful of comments that spams in an instant. you could see atsumu’s reflection on the screen, his grin wide and slightly bit awkward, but it’s not what your fans are commenting about.

“uh-so you guys probably guessed who our guest is.” you smirk, glancing sideways at atsumu. “and yes, he’s my boyfriend. say hello, tsumu.”

atsumu was a natural as he introduces himself on the screen, a welcoming smile on his face, as if he had been filming for a vlog as long as you do and that he was completely adjusting with the situation. you couldn’t help but curve your lips upwards in turn, nodding off eventually at whatever he was saying.

“so! today we, me and atsumu are going to answer a quiz in front of everyone.”

“a quiz?”

“yep! a couple’s quiz.” you purposely didn’t inform atsumu beforehand what you will do and you explained it on the screen as all the attention turns to you.

“what? you scared, tsumu?” you teased him and he juts his lower lips as a reaction.

“‘course not. i’m gonna answer each of them like a pro.”

you laughed heartily as you grabbed your phone, handing atsumu out his at the same time. “me and atsumu are going to answer a couple’s love language quiz and compare our love languages. you guys can answer with us if you like, just search it up on your search engines,” leaning forward, you muttered with “i’m not gonna tell the site coz y’know this is not really a sponsored video.”

your hand suddenly found itself on top of atsumu’s as you explain the five love languages briefly, feeling his gaze on yours despite not looking at him directly. you have no idea if he was paying attention with your ramblings but if he’s busy admiring you, you’re too humble to even think about it.

or not.

“so, are you ready tsumu?” he was cut off of his trance and he pretends he was alright when he smiles in the camera and answers enthusiastically.

“but what if i like both?”

“there’s no option for both tsumu.”

“but i like hugging you and receiving letters. remember when you confessed to me with a-“

your hand immediately shoots up to his mouth and he chuckles in delight in the victory of having to tease you in front of your fans. by now you’re wondering if you should regret having atsumu for the first time in your vlog in live.

“these questions are really difficult.” you say, finding yourself stuck into yet again an array of indecisiveness.

“where are you already?”

“i’m at 23%” you answer, glancing up at atsumu. “‘bout you?”

“30%,” he says, shooting an eye at the camera. “(y/n)’s really slow especially when answering these types of quizzes. they’re that indecisive.”

“what-“

“i’m the decisive one in this relationship. that’s why i have to always ask them three hours before our date which place they would like to eat at.”

you gave up on reprimanding atsumu as you focused on your questionnaire, picking an answer as atsumu chats with your fans who commented about how they noticed about it too.

“see? your fans agree to me. we’re already best of friends.”

you shook your head as you found yourself grinning from atsumu’s words.

“oh- a back rub seems nice.” you heard him mutter later on and when you glanced at him, he was not looking at you but you could tell with how he gripped on his shoulders that he’d need one sooner or later after the film.

it was not unusual for you to massage him every once in awhile, or maybe more than that. that habit actually started way before you two had gotten together and he always told you how you’re good with your hands. he admitted one morning after some time of being officially a couple that he liked your massages a lot.

atsumu finishes the quiz first before you and he takes the initiative of talking with your fans as you finish up yours. you laugh along with them every time atsumu attempts to make a joke and read along the lines of the comments section.

“yay i’m done!”

atsumu turns to you with a “took you long enough” but he places a hand by your knee, his attention now on yours. “so, what did you get?”

“my highest is quality time!” you leaned to the camera lens as you showed your results to the screen, making sure that you were able to really make it visible. “followed by receiving gifts and physical touch. how about you, ‘tsumu? what’d you get?”

he places his phone next to yours before he answers with a bright smile. “i got the same too! looks like me and (y/n) are real meant to be, don’t you think?”

you could feel your cheeks burn especially when he pulls his phone away and reaches out to your side just to place his hand on your waist, keeping it there like a protective and proud boyfriend he is. you were speechless for awhile and it was a good thing that atsumu led the conversation on in your silence. whether it was intentional or not, that you didn’t know.

but now that you realized it, atsumu and you had the same results most probably because both of you wanted to spend more time and moments like this with each other. sooner than later, he’ll be busy with trainings again and you with your vlogs.

feeling that familiar sense of radiance in your chest, you leaned your head on atsumu’s shoulders, once again feeling lucky to have him by your side, even with the littlest of times.

[imtiredoftendingtothisfire]

What do I actually want?

Not a post I expected to be writing 24 hours ago, but some developments came about which have required my deliberation. The boy in previous posts has come back into the picture and we have been dating again to see where things can go. Everything was promising until last night when he raised the question about being young and not having much chance to explore the dating world, and the foreverness and certainty of a relationship. It brought into question whether I am in love with him, or the idea of him....

After 14 months and roughly 4-5 false starts many would have given up hope of trying to make things work, and ultimately I was ready to walk away both recently and in July because I could not deal with the hot and cold any longer, but something always brought me back. Being a Taurus it takes me a while to get warmed up but once I have a feeling about someone I will go all in and commit, and try and try until I believe I cannot try any harder, because I’m stubborn and don’t like to give up. But why am I trying? The first comparison that springs to mind is the UK leaving the EU, do they want to achieve Brexit because of what would happen, or because they’ve fought for it for so long and though new information has come to light along the way the believe they should stick to their guns wholeheartedly.

I’ve had some pretty shitty relationships over the past 8 years and I’ve been damaged by them, something I’m still dealing with now, but with every relationship I can gather information and learn more from it and about myself as to how I be my best self and what I would seek in a partner. I’ll describe what I think I want below.

In my imagination, we would be equal parts our own people, strong on our own and stable enough to be our own unique individuals, however I also would love to be a solid unit of solidarity, equal partners in crime, those that rely on each other and can do whatever together. Not necessarily do everything, but have the option. I look at couples who post everything on social media, and those who post nothing. I would love for someone to look at either myself or my partner’s social media and think “they’re cool, they have a lot of friends, aw they have a boyfriend, they travel so much, ooo he’s seen this Drag Race girl”, I would hate for every post to be joined yet also I would hate to feel invisible. If I’m in a situation that is posted about then tag me, rather than risk redacting me from events and life. I want a partner who I can go for dinner with and drinks, we just enjoy each other’s company and talk nonsense about our favourite tv shows or people we know or memes.

Enjoy the little moments together in bed or on a Sunday afternoon. I want them to have their space and I mine, often gay couples can easily intertwine to the point it’s impossible to decipher who is who anymore. I would love to develop over some weeks and months to getting so close and happy with someone that they would feel proud to call me their boyfriend and the same for me.

Gradually spending more time together to develop that connection and unity. The more time you spend sharing moments and memories the faster the connection grows, which is why so many gay couples will declare love after 3 weeks because they’ve spent every day together for that time, but conversely only spending 1 night a week together each week for 3 months is no time at all. Until a couple are living together or on holiday I don’t think you should have more time with the person than you would alone, otherwise you risk losing yourself, and for most people that is hard to grasp.

Now turning to the boy in question. At moments over the previous year I have genuinely thought to myself “he makes me so happy. I think I may have tha PT genuine deep love for him” yet I’d always hold back in saying anything for fear of being rejected, and then a hiccup would come along and shake the dynamic and we’d start 10 steps further back, meanwhile I would have to rebuild that trust, familiarity and connection with him. Last Halloween after 8 weeks of dating we officially went exclusive, and 3 weeks later I realised he said he may love me, and until this point I had been very bláze about the relationship because I was keen to not jump into anything, but at this point I knew my heart was in it.

Things clicked. Firstly I found him visually beautiful, his eyes were so intriguing and desirable, I couldn’t help but find myself gazing at him, and realised I might seem crazy so tried to stop. We have so much in common be in pop culture references, music, movies, drag, Vega sim, desires to travel, plans for marriage, kids etc. In my opinion there’s too much to throw away because it’s impossible to find someone with all these things that you have such a connection with. Of course I’m in love with the idea of a future with him. I have a vivid imagination accompanied with a pragmatic approach to life, and can realistically seeing how things would fall into place and progress over the next few years, and maybe that’s leading to me get ahead of myself.

He on the other hand is in two minds, despite being the one twice lately to ask for another chance, however after this I seemingly appear to be the one clutching at that potential whilst he gets cold feet. There’s a weird bittersweet situation here as I think I do love him, but after being hurt and cut out so many times over the last year I think my heart is equal parts devoted and confused. It doesn’t want to fully commit because it fears it may end badly again, but the fondness, appreciation and desire is still present. I tell myself I need those little cute date like moments to rebuild the relationship between us and to have that run of emotional growth and blossoming.

I don’t know what will happen down the line but I know I am definitely interested enough in this boy to want to see where this goes. The way he laughs, the way he thinks, the way he works and wants things, the way he operates with his friends, the way he is with me. I love it. Of course there are a lot of things that I’m not hugely fond of, like his reluctance to join certain social events or the family, but that comes with time. I wouldn’t want to introduce someone to my family if I wasn’t sure it was the long haul.

Love is a weird thing. I have had 3 relationships before, 2 of which I claimed to have loved the other person, though only 1 I would say I meant it at the time. In hindsight, was that feeling legit and real? Was it love or codependence? It wasn’t love. It was naïvity and lack of esteem. I was 17 when we got together and 21 when we broke up, but we declared love after roughly 2 months and after 13 months he cheated and it broke me. I stayed in that for a further 2 years pointlessly but at that age I didn’t know any better. That love I felt was so Disney and cliché but it wasn’t love.

Love for me is that constant underlying gut feeling that that person is awesome, like a river flowing. Sometimes it flows rapidly and other times the waters are calm, but it’s constant. The moment when you see them across the room and just can’t help but smile. You would do anything to walk down the street holding their hand or just having tha extra moment to speak to them about the most stupid thing. I don’t know if that’s love, but that’s what I’d describe it as.

So what do I want? Honestly, I just want to be happy and not feel any kind of anxiety, or worry, or feel nervous. I want to feel confident and secure, whether that be with someone or not. I would love for someone to compliment my life and not hold it back, whether physically or emotionally. I want to be my best self but equally the best with someone else at their best, and if I have to help them become their best then I’m game. What I don’t want is to feel on edge, or that I’m an after thought, or forgotten, because to me that is what partners are. Partners are equal and support one another, but ensure that they do not compromise themselves for someone else.

With regards to the boy in question. I do think I love him. Right now not in that euphoric rush of emotion we get shown in romcoms, but that constant steady feeling within my stomach and my knowing. I can safely say that I can see myself being happy with him down the line, and happy with him now. All I really want to do is to do things with him however big or small, but together. I want to build those moments and memories and be there for each other in both the good times and the bad. I want the best friendship and support system, and I want to support him, I know in myself I’m secure and I can rely on myself, and he’s someone I will open up to and look for reassurance from should I need it. I just hope he feels the same. Sure the future seems appealing and is something I’m considering, but it would be foolish to ignore it and not look forward to it. But in the day to day, I just want to get to that comfortable happy state.

Ultimately not everything is up to me or what I want, in this situation it’s about two people. The things I have learned about myself with this boy are unreal. I have grown within myself and feel way more secure and ready for life in general thanks to what we’ve been through together, it just makes me sad that we’re not in the happy home run period. I feel like we can be one day soon, thought from my perspective I need those little moments of just being together and in each other’s company to get there. Taking those little steps to building something great. I plan to forget the future and what might happen down the line or potential or anything, and just focus on the day to day feelings. If I feel like I want to enjoy the every day and the now, and one day I will look back and realise everything else has happened along the way.

This was a really long post and I’m not sure what I’ve accomplished, despite my constant analysis of everything. Though I know how I feel and what I want. It’s hard to verbalise this to the boy. But here goes...

[circlesandsoundwaves]

"Humor... puts things in to perspective.”: Interview with Rozwell Kid

Photo and interview by Molly Louise Hudelson.

Earlier this summer, Rozwell Kid released their latest album, Precious Art, on SideOneDummy Records. Don’t let the name fool you, though; rather than a high-brow piece of art that few are meant to understand, it’s down-to-earth and an incredibly fun record full of pop-culture references and plenty of self-aware humor.  That’s Rozwell Kid for you though; and in a way, the sheer absurdity of calling their album Precious Art- or making a music video that’s ten hours long- is exactly the point of doing so. Regarding the title, lead singer and guitarist Jordan Hudkins said, “You either get the joke or you think we are so full of ourselves. And that’s funny to me.”

While Precious Art, as well as antics like playing “Wish Man” three or more times in a row on stage, might make you laugh, it also might strike a chord deep inside. I met up with Hudkins for an interview before their recent Long Branch, New Jersey show, where we talked about using humor to cope, his love of The Simpsons, getting better at touring, and more. Read on for the interview!

CIRCLES & SOUNDWAVES: For the record, could you state your name, what you play in Rozwell Kid, and a fun fact about yourself?

Jordan Hudkins: Yes. I am Jordan Hudkins from Rozwell Kid and I play guitar and sing the vocals and write the songs, and a fun fact about me is I was valedictorian in my high school.

C&S: Really?

JH: Yeah. One of five, I think. We didn't have weighted grades so there were five people with a 4.0.

C&S: My high school did not do valedictorians at all. I hear stories about people competing over the valedictorian title; was it really competitive for you?

JH: I wasn't very competitive about it- I guess maybe a couple of people were. It was cool at the time, I felt proud, I guess- but it really isn't a big deal.

C&S: Did you give a speech at graduation?

JH: That was the only reason I wanted to be a valedictorian was to give a speech at graduation, and I did give a speech at graduation.

C&S: What'd you talk about in your speech? I always wished I could've been a valedictorian so I could've given some grandiose speech.

JH: I based my whole speech around some Clint Eastwood quote about buying a toaster.

C&S: Okay.

JH: Yeah, I don't really remember. [Laughs.] But I talked about toasters a lot. It was fun.

C&S: So you're currently out on your first proper full-US headlining tour- you've been touring pretty consistently for a couple years now, but how has it been being out on a headliner specifically?

JH: It's been really fun- it was nerve-wracking at first because I didn't know what to expect but all the shows have been great. We've been pleasantly surprised and it has exceeded our expectations.

C&S: Being in a band on the road, obviously shit happens and no band is immune to that. Having been touring for a few years now, do you feel like you can handle stuff better or when hiccups happen, like any kind of van issues or whatever, is it still a total freak-out?

JH: You know we've had our share of freak-outs in the past but I think we've gotten to a point now where we're pretty streamlined when it comes to dealing with the crisis. I guess we've done it enough to know what needs to get done and when it needs to get done and to quickly prioritize things and solve the problem as quick as possible.

C&S: Have there been any particular standout shows on this tour?

JH: Boston the other night was wild. Orlando was crazy. The whole East Coast has been great. The West Coast was amazing, Phoenix was really good… everywhere we went!

C&S: You just put out a record called Precious Art and I was reading other interviews where you said essentially, "Well, we're a rock band- if no one is gonna call what we make 'precious art', we might as well call it that." So it's that ironic, very self-aware humor I guess. Have people gotten that or do people ever actually think, "Wow, they really think this is the most pretentious piece of precious art?"

JH: I think for the most part, anybody who listens to our music and likes what we do seems to have the same sensibility that we do. So I think everybody gets it for the most part. I'm sure there's someone out there who doesn't know the band at all, saw the record title, and was like, "Who the hell do those guys think they are?" [Laughs.] Which, also, in a way, is pretty rock and roll and badass too, so I feel like it's a win-win title for us. You either get the joke or you think we are so full of ourselves. And that's funny to me.

C&S: There's a lot of humor on the record and in your music in general you tend to use humor to cope with and explain situations that are going on. Is that how you typically deal with things in life?

JH: Yeah. For sure. I mean- I don't make a joke out of everything and I know when to be sincere and treat things with the gravity they deserve, and maybe it's a defense mechanism or whatever- but I feel like humor is always my go-to just to diffuse a situation or to make me feel better about something that I'm bummed about, because it puts things in to perspective.

C&S: From my own experience, as I've been recovering from knee surgery the past several months- it sucks, but I'm making all these jokes about how like, "Oh, I get a frequent buyer card at my surgeon now" because I've had multiple surgeries.

JH: Right- there's nothing you can do to change your situation- you might as well…

C&S: Change how you look at it.

JH: Yeah, exactly! It can brighten your perspective a little bit and just make it not such a hellacious thing to deal with. It eases the pain.

C&S: Right- if you can't change your surroundings, ease the pain through humor.

You're a big Simpsons fan. What about The Simpsons is it that you enjoy?

JH: It's just some of the most unbelievably clever and hysterical writing that I've ever seen or heard. I feel like I've seen a lot of comedy, I've watched a lot of TV, but the writing on it- they had such an amazing team of writers in the first few seasons of that show, just these geniuses all working together in one room creating this phenomenal sitcom. And I know what people think about it now- whether or not the quality has dropped off- I don't really watch it anymore, I haven't watched it for years.

C&S: Will you still go back and watch reruns?

JH: Oh yeah, yeah- all the time. I have the DVDs up through Season 14. I've watched them so much that I go back and watch them with the commentary now. That's like, my new jam to chill out.

C&S: Well then you get to the level where- okay, so my favorite TV show of all time is Degrassi. I've gotten to a point with that show where I've watched every episode so many times that I'm starting to know the commentary. Have you gotten to that point with The Simpsons yet?

JH: No, I don't have the commentary memorized- not yet.

C&S: You'll get there!

JH: I will, I can't wait! [Laughs.]

C&S: It's a weird place, I will tell you.

JH: That's commitment. That's cool.

C&S: You put out a music video for "Wendy's Trash Can" that is ten hours long. Have you watched the whole thing through?

JH: No, I have not watched all ten hours. Someone live-tweeted themselves doing it over the last couple of days so I think there's a couple of people that have watched the whole thing- but I have not watched all ten hours.

C&S: I felt like I was slacking in my research that I didn't watch the entire thing straight.

JH: No, it's totally fine.

C&S: Well, the absurdity of the fact that it's ten hours is the point.

JH: And funny story about that- after the video came out I got a text from Tanner from You Blew It! and he said, "Dude, love the new video- I found the Easter egg in hour seven" and I didn't say anything. The next morning I got a text from him that said, "Hey, I just want to say that was a joke- I was joking about finding the Easter egg in hour seven." And I was like, "Okay, cool- I didn't want to admit that I hadn't watched my own ten-hour music video."

C&S: Whose idea was it to loop it for ten hours?

JH: We were brainstorming with Thomas, the director, about how to begin and end the video. We came up with the idea that it should end where it starts- and then Thomas just flippantly said, "Oh yeah and then we just loop it for ten hours" and we were all like- "Actually, yeah- let's do that. Can we loop the video for ten hours?"

C&S: Do people get that the whole point is just this complete absurdity or have people been like, "Come on, what are they doing?"

JH: I haven't seen any feedback where people have been upset about it, you know- I mean I'm sure there are people who have rolled their eyes at it, but I mean- whatever.

C&S: I'll be honest- when I first saw it, I was like, "Oh my god, Rozwell Kid made a ten-hour music video- I don't know if I can commit to that!"

JH: It's cool because I think we set people up with the headline and the video title, "Ten Hours"- and then when you watch it and you get that it's a loop, it's an emotional roller coaster. You're upset that you're gonna watch ten hours of a video and then you're relieved that it's looped over and over and you don't have to watch the rest- but if you wanted to, you could.

C&S: Unless you want to find the Easter egg in hour seven.

The song "Michael Keaton" is based on this idea you had for a screenplay about trying to meet him- if that screenplay were to actually be written and made into a movie, who would star in it? Would you?

JH: Michael Keaton. I think so- well, I don't know.

C&S: Would he play every role?

JH: Well, the main characters are children, so I don't think he could do that- I guess he could, I don't know. I figure Michael Keaton would be in it- but also, when I was thinking about the movie, I had this thought that maybe it would be kind of badass if they never found Michael Keaton. Like if he was the whole driving force behind the movie but they never actually met him. Maybe that would be cool. 

C&S: That would kind of tie in to that proverb of "life is about the journey, not the destination"- the search for Michael Keaton, not finding Michael Keaton.

JH: Yeah- Michael Keaton was in us all along. [Laughs.] Or the other idea was they get to Hollywood and he accidentally hits them with his car and then it's another three hours of courtroom drama.

C&S: As we talked about The Simpsons, if Rozwell Kid were to be in a Simpsons episode, what would you want the plot to be?

JH: I like the musical cameos that they always do, like where the Ramones played Mr. Burns' birthday party or where the Red Hot Chili Peppers were playing at Moe's bar - I'd like to do that. I wouldn't want to be a part of the plot, I would just wanna have a cameo playing in the episode.

C&S: It's less stress but it's still just as cool to be like, "Yeah, we were on the Simpsons."

JH: Yeah, maybe where we're playing a school dance or something, like a prom. Like Lisa petitions for them to have an elementary school prom.

C&S: You have a little bit left of this tour; what else do you have on the plate for the fall and the rest of this year?

JH: We're just gonna keep touring and touring. Try to go overseas [again] as soon as possible. We went to Australia last fall and we went to Europe last Spring.

C&S: How were those shows?

JH: It was awesome. It was really fun- we were in Europe with Into It. Over It. and The Hotelier, so it was a really lucky package to be a part of. In Australia, we toured with this band called The Bennies and it was just so much fun- it was amazing. I can't believe we got to go to Australia.

C&S: I've heard in Australia, everything is so far apart that you have to fly between a lot of cities.

JH: Yeah, we had to fly to gigs- it was cool.

C&S: Was that stressful? Anytime I have to fly with my camera gear, it's a little stressful.

JH: No, it wasn't that bad- I feel like their airport security laws are a little more lax there. It's not as much of a headache, and also everywhere we flew to there would be a backline of gear to use so we didn't have to take amps- just a bag and a guitar pretty much.

C&S: Did you do the koala thing in Australia?

JH: No, we did not- it was closed that day. I was bummed. Or we didn't have time- something happened.

C&S: Touring is weird because you travel and go all these places but you don't always actually get to do the fun thing.

JH: Yeah, that's what I've explained to people back at home. Someone's like, "Did you get any good food in San Francisco?"

C&S: It's whatever's across the street from the venue or like, Taco Bell or Burger King- whatever you find first on the highway. 

JH: Speaking of crisis solutions and solving problems on the road, another thing that you get good at after a while is figuring out how to make time to actually do shit and see stuff. So the more that we've gone out, the more that we're able to weasel our way around and do things.

C&S: Cool. Alright, well, thank you so much.

JH: Yeah, totally!

C&S: Anything else you want to say or anything else to add?

JH: No, I'm pretty good- thank you.

Thanks Jordan! You can watch the full, ten-hour “Wendy’s Trash Can” video here and listen to Precious Art on Spotify here. You can see a full list of Rozwell Kid’s upcoming shows (including a few recently announced shows for September and November) on their official website. Keep up with the band on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

[jasminefitzephotography-blog]

Final evaluation

Research

I was inspired by a few photographers throughout this project. In terms of the still life, Dennis Pederson inspired me because of the use of vibrancy and sharp outlines in his photos that I am hoping to recreate the same ideas behind his shoots. I was also inspired by a still life photographer called Michael Zee and I liked his work because he did symmetrical breakfast and loved the used of composition and even though my theme is beauty, I did try it out with beauty products and it turned out ok. It was more of researching photos and website that I got more of my inspiration from because I felt that this was going beyond just finding photographers/artists etc and I found so much more just having the freedom to research articles and photos from the world of the internet. In my opinion, I think that I did do more in depth research than my previous projects because I not only researched photographer, but I also went onto looking up articles/websites and random images that related to my work which I found very useful, relevant and reliable. I looked on the internet at different stereotypes like different gender beauty and why they shouldn't feel uncomfortable with how others see them as because its important that everyone gets treated the same and how they want to be treated themselves.

Concept

My first thoughts on this assignment was different landscapes that represented different cultures, however, another Idea popped into mind that I felt inspired by and that was beauty. I decided to change my ideas I had at start because I was more passionate about beauty more than landscapes and I knew that I could go far with my chosen subject since It’s also personal to me too. The body language and face expression shoot in the lighting room communicated Ideas around my chosen subject because It was showing different personalities, different sides of people and thoughts and feelings which in my project helped me to think of even more ideas on what I could do for my final images. The ideas behind my final images started off by just having my clients with makeup, and then that changed quickly by me researching the power of makeup and looked at some before and after images, which made me reconsider my ideas to having half face natural and half makeup to show that even though you can have fun with makeup, it shouldn’t put you off of your natural self. In addition to my final images of my clients, I decided to add some inspirational quotes beside the natural side and makeup side to show both sides of the argument. The idea behind my still life, was that the information on the foundation really caught my eye because it said stay perfect foundation, the idea I was trying to get across is that you can look pretty with or without makeup (applying to both genders) and this catchy slogan shouldn't put you off of natural beauty and they are doing that to make money. 

The 3D sides to it, I knew in my head that I wanted to take inspiration from Dennis Pederson and Michael Zee to do a still life photoshoot with their work in mind. I wanted to mainly focus on one product in the image as it portrays power and difference in a way that once you use one makeup product, It could change the way you look at yourself. I used products with a fair bit of colour in it because I wanted to keep Denise's idea of colour but I didn't go over the top with the colour as I wanted to try out different tones but make it similar to his work and I did the same with Michael Zee, but because he did symmetry work, I tried to do the same but with 2 makeup products from the same brand and duplicated them so that I came out with a good result similar to his. My 3D element fits the brief because It was set out in a form of studio base photography and portrays difference by photographing different products and their focused on their features.

Core skills

In terms of my core maths and english skills, I may have not done more than my previous project, but I’m still progressing in it which is good. Maths involved me carrying out a questionnaire and with the answers I got, I organised them into a table and compared the different ideas. I also involved little maths element in my pamphlet and produced a pie chart on cosmetic retouching and had to work out the percentages of students that thought retouching was ethical or unethical. The last bit of maths I think I included in this project was the darkroom prints as we had to record how long to process them for in the chemicals and work out how long to exposed the photo onto the paper for, just by looking at the test strips we did and to make a rough estimate. English was carried out all the time in this project from SPAG, evaluations, research etc.

Technique

I learnt a lot of various different techniques from learning how to airbrush my photos, to processing films, to merging photos together etc. The best one I liked, was learning how to airbrush because even though I’m not going to over do it on every one of my photos, its a good technique to develop on for future projects and especially this project as I based it on beauty (natural vs unnatural). To sum up my blog overall, I would say that it was a good resource to document my work digitally rather than by hand because then, I’m getting my work out there and it looks a bit more professionally formed. I didn’t really push myself to try new things and that's something I need to work on improving because I know with myself, that I don't like getting things wrong but then in a way, that's a good thing because It’ll help me to overcome obstacles much more effectively. Even though, it’s been a target for quite a while, I will achieve it at some point. Furthermore, I have set myself a target of using the college facilities more like the equipment and the lighting studio because I have still yet to use them and If I don't do it in the next project, then I’ll struggle in my final major project in the spring/summer term.

Character development

As I may have already said in my previous assignments, I have got the Grit sides of the character development because I have a great understanding of what's expected during my course studies eg. work done by deadlines and so on and this skill will help me in the long term to working in industry standards. I am a very organised person and likes to have things planned out so that I get my work done in an effective way and know that I haven’t got to rush things and it not being up to my highest standards. However, even though I concentrate on getting my work done and at high standards, I am also a very shy person, which I still need to work on communicating my ideas across a bit more in group work and group critiques to build up my confidence because I know that with a couple of these group critiques, I have talked about my work, but I feel that I need to be in a position where i'm relaxed about it and feel a privilege of sharing my own work. At the end of the day, I do get nervous when we do group and presentation work, however I feel even more bad about myself if I’m one of those people who don't turn up and try to avoid it because I know for sure that I won't get out of it and it won't help me develop as a student. In this project, I used people skills in the photoshoot by giving my clients informations to what they need to do in order for me to get the right photos for me, but also for them. 

Working with the brief

The work I produced in my blog, fitted the brief well because I looked at different stereotypes based on beauty and that helped me to draw together some final image ideas with some mixed arguments as part of my research. 

Enjoyment/engagement

I enjoyed the body language and facial expression shoot because It made me open up more about my personality by being the model and for me to direct how other models should look because it helped me to feel a bit more confident when taking part in the shoot rather than shying out. I didn't enjoy the culture presentation in groups as It made me panic a little, but once it was over, then it was fine and had that feeling of relief. I really enjoyed the 3D part of my assignment because It wasn't only just looking at the 2D part of photography, but taking it a step further and shooting studio/still life photography which I found different but useful. 

High points and low points

I am really proud of all the work I’ve produced during this assignment because I felt like I had done more research into a subject I feel passionate about than I have in any other assignment despite the fact that this was a short assignment. I probably could have research in more depth about different stereotypes to make my research more stronger about beauty. I would say that the only thing I’m least proud of is forgetting how to airbrush my images because even though I took notes, it didn't work when I tried it out for myself, so I may need to re look into cosmetic retouching but when I do, try not to over do the retouching as the image I did as part of the task, looked really unnatural. In the up coming assignments, I’m going to try and work on spending a bit more time editing my photos to make them look more professional because I feel personally, that I don't spend enough time on them and sometimes, I tend to rush them a bit. I also, want to do more photography practical because apart from the practical workshops in college we do, I don't really do a lot of practical outside of college, apart from my final images and I feel that I need to get more practice and testing skills in the practical sides of it to build up my photography skills and primary research. 

What did the audience think?

In one of  my group critique sessions, a few people liked my idea of exploring beyond beauty and looking at it from a gender perspective. They also liked my use of 2d images but felt like I was lacking in 3d elements to my written and practical work, which I took on board a little and built up my 3d work to achieve that target which I will continue improving on in the upcoming assignments.

How I managed my time on this project.

Percentage broken up (for the blank colours):

Practising and testing skills: 5%

Thinking of ideas, researching and planning: 10%

Looking at the pie chart, I feel that I’ve spent most of my time on the project overall by 55.6% because of the amount of workload that I had. I spent about 22.2% of the time working on my blog because of the same reason and that its where I documented all my work. Planning and organising was my next highest percentage of time because I do spend a lot of time planning on my phone and in my head what work I’m going to do and when to do it by (I haven't yet done a planning write up on my blog, but its a small target for the next assignment). The least amount of time was spent Practising and testing skills because even though I did a bit within class, I didn't do any extra bits of testing things out because I’m the kind of person that doesn't like getting things wrong, even though I should document it anyway to show my progression.