#also I’m doing a TMA relisten

[avariceaside]

the first episode of wtnv popped up on my YouTube feed, so obviously I had to listen to it, and it’s pushed me to pick wtnv back up after not listen for *checks notes* over a year, whoops! (Shoutout to my total lack of time perception) anyways I checked how many hours worth of episodes that is and uh. It’s about 16. So I’ll be working on that over the next few days

[echo-of-the-eye]

Tma relisten nr ???: mag 109 and 110

• so what I said last time was actually what happened. I completely forgot they said this. Now I kinda want an au where Julia and Trevor don’t show up. Cause as much as this kidnapping must have been pretty scary for Jon, it’s not nearly as bad as it could have been (or the other kidnappings) and they did technically save him from max.

• I’m actually going a bit crazy over this line. Like this implies that Martin already knows about Mr. Spider! Either Jon told him or he listened to the tape (probably the latter, knowing Jon. If this is the case, does Jon know Martin knows? Do the others also know??). It could be he just saw two things he knows Jon hates, leitners and spiders, and figured “hey that’s a combo Jon would hate” without realizing they’re related but I choose to believe he knows

• also. The last two statements Martin has read he’s said they weren’t so bad to record. And they were lonely and web statements… it could just be that he’s getting used to them, he doesn’t seem affected in s4 but I find it interesting that these ones specifically don’t bother him

[cyyb3rspace]

I haven’t posted a bit I think so I’mma rant abt tma s3 while vocaloid songs are blasting in my headphones :)

TMA S3 Spoilers

OK SO- THE SEASON WAS AMAZING OF COURSE jonny sims your writing is AHQOWUNGOWL— I didn’t not expect Pookie Elias to get arrested huh what wait no I want him back PLEASE— and Tim. Can we please get our Timothy “statement of Joe spooky” Stoker BACK? TIM TIM TIM *intense sobbing* Like him dying has seriously got me, idc abt daisy I hated her either way T_T like whatever I don’t care abt the cop who suddenly felt her inner alpha come in (lmao) and can we talk abt MARTIN?! MARTIN BABY- I’M SORRY YOU DIDN’T DESERVE THIS, give this man a cup of his favourite tea and a episode where everyone is nice to him like, Elias yeah I like you but WOAH YOU JUST TURNED UP THE SPOOKY BY 1000%, sure he did the same to Melanie but LEAVE MARTIN ALONE BRO- *ugly sobbing while hugging martin* also also also the production IS REALLY GOOD like voices, sfx everything!!! The unknowing and all really creeped me out but I’m going to relisten to it again :) and Jon. JON! Bro was put through the wringer this season, but him and the admiral <3 I remember watching a vid where Coleydoesthings says he tries to be strict and all but he’s a wet cat, pookie, a little meow meow, we love our archivist <3 also Jude Perry frick you *gags everytime she spoke*, GERRY!!! OUR BOY GERRY I LOVE HIM SM AHHHH like I thought he was just a man who didn’t get out of emo phase but no. HE’S AMAZING *hugs gerry, flipping off G*rtrude and Mary keay* and…..Gertrude. GERTRUDE FRICKING ROBINSON FRICK OFF FRICK OFF, GET YOUR AHH RIGHT HERE YOUR ABOUT TO GET THE *[extended sounds of brutal pipe murder]* TREATMENT. ELIAS THANK YOU FOR KILLING HER STUPID OLD BUTT GOOD RIDDANCE WHY TAKE ALL THE POOKIE ADORABLE CHARACTERS AND RUIN THEM?! Michael- Michael shelley baby your adorable, don’t go through that door don’t listen to the old hag please sonnacov? Land isn’t real Frick Gertrude, Gerry too like YOU KNOW he hates his mom and her weird book stuff and when he’s finally dying you go tie him to a book. To the thing he hated. AGHHH also can we talk abt Peter being amazing? Like I first thought he was this cold scary old man captain of the tundra and no he’s just like hiiii my boy Martin just wanted to say hi and what do you think of Elias and I love you keep with the awesomeness <3 and also I own the institute now :3 like he’s so :3 right now but all the times i’ve seen fanart they draw him like the cold old man pookie does he change?? Also also why am I seeing people drawing Martin pale like ‘the lonely’ huh LEAVE MY BOY ALONE! So Elias got arrested. Jon is in a coma. Peter Lukas owns the institute now. Tim and Sasha dead

tma is all I talk abt now :’) whenever I say I’m listening to a podcast every1 thinks I’m listening to those people who talk abt their life and work so emotionally meanwhile I’m just here listening to Elias beating Jurgen up with a metal pipe and smiling.

[human-adjacent]

i’ve been thinking about the relationship between the eye and the lonely so i’m gonna rant about it and you’re going to read it

i’ve been relistening to tma, and one thing that’s been bothering me is the fact that the lukas family funds the institute. it doesn’t make sense. the eye and the lonely are hugely opposing forces. the eye is the fear of being Known, of being watched at all times, the feeling that you are never alone. the lonely is the fear of being completely alone, that there is nobody there to see you or to Know you. the lonely itself also manifests in a similar manner to the dark, where it preys on the fear of the unknown (as can be seen through the heavy fog inside the lonely). meanwhile, though the eye is also related to the fear of the unknown, it manifests differently, because it doesn’t try to hide the unknown from its victims, rather it encourages them to uncover the unknown and seek out that knowledge at the cost of their own safety. so why would the lukas family want to fund an institute dedicated to serving an entity that is fundamentally opposed to theirs in every way possible?

however, with these lines in mag 92, it starts to make more sense

elias believes that companionship cannot truly coexist with the eye. after all, it makes sense, the eye is all about watching and observing, but it is also about inactivity. you watch people, but you do not interfere with them. you can observe your friends, learn things about them, but you do not form deep connections with them. people are simply a vessel to obtain knowledge, and friendship is meaningless unless it contributes to that pursuit. so in this way, the institute seems to have some attachment to the lonely, as it isolates its employees from the rest of the world and even from each other. and it only makes sense that the lukas family would want to contribute to that loneliness.

less serious, but this also made me think about lonelyeyes. based on elias’s personal philosophy about companionship, it’s really so fitting that the one man he would choose to connect with is an avatar of the lonely. both of them outright reject the idea of deep interpersonal relationships, so of course they’d be perfect for each other (and of course that’s why they constantly get divorced)

[mirrrarts]

So, I’m caught up on malevolent but I need smth or I’ll go insane probably

Also it is highly probable that I will look at the results and ignore them and do an entirely different thing

[dandyleyen]

On my TMA relisten and I have thoughts.

I’m in shambles after having finished MAG #104 because I know how this season ends for Tim specifically. This season does really build up to it with all his bitter and upset feelings. I’m glad we get to hear this statement from him but man, it hurts.

BUT ALSO an observation. This is not the first time that someone’s in the room with Martin and he hasn’t realized it. Which is,,,, oh lord. Knowing his entanglement later on with The Lonely, it’s very interesting. I didn’t finish s4 so don’t @ me, but I do vaguely remember that being a big part of his character. I don’t know if much of it has been set up in previous seasons but it is getting clearer that Martin is definitely falling in with The Lonely already. It’s interesting to me how all the people working in the archives have connections not only with The Eye, but also how they have their own connections with other fears and how it affects their lives. For Sasha it became the stranger, for Tim it also happens to be the stranger, for Jon it’s the web, and for Martin it’s the lonely. Unsure if I’ve picked up on one for Elias,,,,

Just some thoughts

[landscaping-your-mind]

i dont want to talk about scrutiny

WHATEVER, FINE, OKAY, WE'RE DOING SCRUTINY, OR SOMETHING, FINE, WHATEVER, WHAT EVER

i love scrutiny, i do, but in the way that i love threshold, and nothing beside remains, and seeing it through, and a guest for mr spider. meaning I really do, but I also hate it with vitriol. Not really? It's complicated. I have Some Feelings Towards it. Yep. Look this podcast makes me feel happiness and sadness and anger at the same bloody time, but it's all confused because it's overridden by being Very ADHD about it, so like, they're all rattling around in there. I hate it (affectionate), I love it (derogatory), you get it?

Anyway, y'all know how I feel about Jon already, and if you don't, it's love and only love, so uhm, yeah, let's just get on with it already, rambling and mostly rambling, attempts to set aside my undying love for the Jarchivist for like a day, etc.

@a-mag-a-day

Firstly, I'd like to draw attention to the posts I made on my instagram story about this when I was first listening to TMA, because I was Not Alright.

The first was highlighting the description of the episode: "Statement of an unknown bystander, regarding an encounter with The Archivist." "The Archivist." Not "Jonathan Sims," not "Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London," not even "Jonathan Sims, The Archivist."

Just... The Archivist.

The second was regarding the first, saying that I knew it was deserved but he should be allowed to eat a few fears. As a treat.

I didn't say anything to my partner (who you should follow by the way, they're scarandjoelenthusiast), cause I think I was still attempting to be spoiler free for vex at that point, lol. And I had no other... friends. At all. Um. Yeah.

So, onto the relisten! Oh boy.

MARTIN Ah, alright, did he... did he look like he hadn't slept in about a week?

I absolutely love that Jon's descriptors are looking like shit, and looking like Jesus. That's just amazing.

Also uh,,, why did Martin immediately go to Jon? Hm..

Everything, every bit of light or sound or, or anything that changed, that said time was passing. There was nothing. Before that I never really thought about time, you know? But now… Yeah.

that must have been terrifying

So, it, it took a long time to get over that. I mean, that’s not weird, right? I me— It was a bad time. You know, it, it stays with you. Was signed off, what, I think about six months with the injuries. Had pretty bad, uh, nightmares, claustrophobia, I mean, obviously, right? But, uh, but, but I did my physio, and, you know, talked, talked with the counsellor they gave me. Look, I did everything I was supposed to and, and yeah, I… I guess I was fine. You know, once the bruises were gone I— Well, it’s easy to blame memory, right? You know, ha-hallucination, coincidence, all the classic shite you tell yourself. Life went back to normal. I— I was fine. Until about two weeks ago.

Jesus fucking christ, Jon. She was fine, trying to get over it, Floyd was fine and that's just it, because they think they're safe, and-

She was fine, she was okay, and he took that from her, he took that from her, he made it so she couldn't be fine anymore, he made it so every god. damn. night she'd experience that again, the bastard.

There’s this creep in, in the corner. Your guy. He just… keeps staring at me, like, like properly staring. Like, it is super intense and, and real weird. Like he knows me, but I sure as hell do not know him. I— I try to ignore him, look, I just, I just read my book, and every time I look up there he is, watching me.

Girls when they realise oh yes, he's an avatar.

So… Look, I’m packing up, all done and, and I just, I just sorta turn, you know, just, just to check if he’s still there and he is standing right behind— Like, like a few inches from my face. Look, it’s messed up!

That's??? Terrifying?? I mean, look, like, my sisters jump whenever I quietly stand behind them and stare intently, and they're my sisters, they know me, they know I only joke about stabbing them with a knife, Jon, that's freaky, stop being freaky, you have trauma at home. Go eat a stale trauma for gods sake.

Like, okay Mr. "I don't think it's me doing it." Who sat at a bloody coffee shop for an hour.

I. Understand. That there is a certain. Need. To cause and feed on fear. As an Avatar/Monster/Whatever. And I mean like it's pretty hard. To admit you're in the wrong for something. Even if you think you're in the wrong for other things. But like. None of this matters to Jess, to Floyd, to the three other people whose lives he ruined. He can try be better, he can never do it again, but he can't go back and fix it.

And I start to ask him, you know, what the hell, man, you know? Like— But he just starts talking. Slowly. But real intense. He says, he works here, at the, the Magnus Institute, and I say, what even is that and he says, he wants my story. He says he needs to hear what happened to me. And I— I want to tell him to jj-just go away. I want to, to, to kick him and run. But I— (long sigh) I sit down. And I start to tell him everything. About the job, about the collapse, a-about the hand. More than I told you, even, and, and as I do— it’s like I’m there again. Like I can feel it grab my ankle, th-th-that cold, dead hand and I just… I just can’t stop talking. I cannot shut up.

[ID: A blurry photo of CC!GoodTimesWithScar with his head in his hands. /End ID]

And then it was over. And he looked— He looked at me like he’d just eaten, like a perfectly cooked steak. You know what he said? He said, “Thank you.” “Thank you.” Just like that. Like, like reliving the worst parts of my whole life were just a bit of a… a favour that I’d done him. And then he left and I— I just sat there and cried for a while.

i don't know what to say im just sitting here with my head in my hands.

And he’s there the whole time, just… watching me. Watching me scream and thrash and… He’s all eyes. He’s all eyes.

I kinda want to punch him right about now, because how dare he do that to her, how dare he ruin her life just because he wanted to. Whatever, avatar, feed your god or it'll feed on you, I don't care, that's his business, not hers. She wasn't involved, she didn't have to be involved, she was fine and he took that from her, the bastard!

How dare he sit there talking about choice, how dare he feel all guilty for ruining her life, how dare he! He doesn't deserve to feel bad about it. Christ, Jon, what the fuck.

But I feel like I’m seeing him when I’m awake as well. I’ve been… I’ve been having a lot of problems since he talked to me. Since I talked to him. Since I told my... story. The, the claustrophobia, it’s back, worse than it ever was and I can’t do my job. I have these, these screaming panic attacks every time I try and— What am I supposed to do? Like, feels like, like every time I’m even slightly underground I— Can’t even go into a shop basement more without feeling that… (sniffs) hand. Every time I do, every time I get that panic just rising up my throat, I see him. He’s there. Not when I look properly, but just at the edge. The corner of my eye. Then he’s gone.

(MAG 142 - Scrutiny)

Since then, she said she’d been seeing that woman everywhere she went.

(MAG 6 - Worm Sex Episode Squirm)

✨ becoming what you hated ✨

No, but I have a lot of feelings on becoming a fear entity Avatar and the cycle of violence. Of how Avatars often only became Avatars because of previous trauma, because they had no other options. Of how they often don't see themselves as victims, for example Annabelle Cane describing herself as manipulative, even as she was a child trying to cope in an abusive household. And I think that Jon being like Jane Prentiss, following his victims like her, starting to understand her... that ties into those themes. I love this podcast <3.

MARTIN No, no, it’s— Thank you. I just— [Agitated clatter] For god’s sake, can he not just stay safe for like, like ten minutes?! DAISY I don’t think that’s an option for him anymore. MARTIN Yeah, I mean, sure. But he just… he doesn’t think! He always just immediately charges straight off into danger with whatever, whatever half-arsed plan occurs to him at the time! I don’t get it! DAISY What’s to get? MARTIN What? DAISY I, I mean, it’s pretty standard stuff. MARTIN What? DAISY Used to see it all the time back in the force, especially with the sectioned. Not like there’s ‘normal’ trauma, you know, but it’s pretty common. The most important thing becomes control, engaging on your own terms. Even when it’s stupid or dangerous. Anything to not feel helpless. MARTIN Oh god… DAISY And of course for Jon’s there’s survivor’s guilt in there too. He thinks he’s not human. Makes him very… self-destructive.

PODDED CAST!!

Thank you, Jonny.

Like hgnhhrnhhnr <3 yep. mhhnm there's another post that talks about the meaning of putting that in with scrutiny, I'll tag a mag a day in that.

Like! Aa! Thank you. Don't really have much to add, I mean I said a bunch in other episodes rambles, specifically the MAG 131, 132, and 136 ones.

I mean you know, the whole spider thing, a bit of his self-blame about... the end of season 4... could come from... if he's not to blame, then he didn't have any control, then all of this was out of his control. If he couldn't stop it, if Jimmy Magma's plan was that good then... well, then he was helpless, and there's nothing worse than being helpless.

in conclusion, disregard the above Jon did nothing wrong- no, he's... he doesn't get to be forgiven by Jess, by Floyd, by the others, not unless they choose to forgive him. But he can work on doing better, you know? He's allowed to not wallow in guilt the whole time, he's not irredeemable, he just did bad things -- bad things he can't fix -- but he can work on never doing those bad things again, on mitigating the damage as much as he can. He's not a bad person, just a person who did bad things.

I dunno, I'm more interested in the metaphysics side of philosophy. You know there's a branch of philosophy called metametaphysics? I think it's so funny.

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 171 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: cutting the French tamarisk in my garden (how fitting!).

JON: "Don’t. Touch. Anything." MARTIN: "I wasn’t planning to." [HE GIVES A LITTLE HEH AT THE END.] Fair, after Martin constantly wanted to touch the plastic explosives xD

MARTIN: "You sound like you think they’re beautiful." JON: "Don’t you?" He is what he is, a part of the Fears and does seem in tune with it here. Accepting it (5th stage of grief - acceptance. I do like that theory of each season representing one of the 5 stages of grief, even if S2 doesn't quite fit anger). But to be honest, I also think the flowers sound pretty cool. Some people find morbid aesthetics beautiful. I always have.

JARED: "Not to worry friend; no harm done. Just a bit of pruning will set you right." [HE CLIPS SOMETHING. THE PERSON-PLANT YELLS.] [JARED SHUSHES THEM AS THEY CONTINUE TO DO SO. THEY START CRYING, OVER SOME FLESHY SOUNDS. WATER BURBLES.] JARED: "No real fuss. Should sort you right out. Soon you’ll be good as new." [THE PERSON-THING CONTINUES TO WHIMPER IN THE BACKGROUND.] JARED: "Better, even. You just need to – reach down inside and – really feel that fear. Let it guide how you grow." That however I find horrifying again. Obviously hurting the person, so much that they cry out in pain, and still think that what he is doing is the right thing, helping the person...

JARED: (dismissive) "Oh, and who’s this? Your boyfriend?" [THIS IS CLEARLY MEANT TO BE A DISS.] MARTIN: "Um –" JON: (overlapping) "Yes, actually." JARED: (Ah!) "Oh. Hm." Okay, the obvious here is of course Jared trying to diss Jon using homosexuality/homo-romanticism as an insult (is this btw. the only time homophobia comes up in TMA? There was implied transphobia in MAG 110, but otherwise?), which absolutely doesn't work on Jon and he even immediately answers with full confidence, taking the wind out of Jared's sails in an instant. Which can be a very good strategy against bullies, they want an emotional negative reaction, if you just refuse to give that to them, they will move on to their next victim (sadly for that poor soul). But it also tells a bit more about each character here. Jared has been described as "thick as mud" in MAG 17, that is pretty typical for individuals like that to resort to xenophobia, homophobia, misogyny, etc. But Jon and Martin also tell us something here. Martin was absolutely not sure how to react. As far as I know he's gay, there was never any indication that he's bi or pan, so I'll go with that. He probably had plenty of experiences being bullied for being gay, especially if you take his age into account. Growing up in the 90s/early 2000s was probably not a good time (absolutely not saying it was easier before!). Homosexuality was listed in the ICD-9 in 1977. That is the International Classification of DISEASES!! It was only removed from the ICD-10 in 1990! (Not going into it's record in the DSM because that's only used in the US and we're in the UK here, but it was similarly bad, it was seen as a mental illness.) And additionally 1997 was the peak of HIV and AIDS epidemic and that really fueled homophobia back then. I remember calling someone/something gay was a really common insult back then among teens. So denying his homosexuality especially among unfamiliar and (duh!) hostile people is probably super hardwired into Martin, and he never was someone with a lot of self-confidence anyway (total opposite: Tim for example, of whom we know he's not private about "that stuff" - MAG 69).  And then we have Jon, biromantic. We don't know if he has ever dated men before, but generally being bi means you're probably a lot more likely to be in hetero-relationships, simply because it's a lot easier to find those. Also, I mean he has been raised by his grandma, there's every likelihood he has subtly been raised in a homophobic way and there's a good chance he has tried to rationalize crushes on other men as "a really close friend whom I'm looking up to", even if deep down he knows it's not that. Okay, what I'm saying is he probably hasn't experienced external homophobia towards him. I do like the popular fanon idea, that Georgie helped him work through that, as she seems a lot more confident than him. Otherwise he has probably experienced acephobia or he hid his asexuality well enough and grew up super insecure on the inside without showing it. Which, considering his behavior in S1, is pretty likely for his character. So it does make sense for Jon to show confidence here, given the possibility of him never to have experienced homophobia, usually presenting super sure of himself and also by now he knows how powerful he is in this world, that probably also works very well as a boost. (Also it's super cute how sure and smug Jon sounds, like he's extremely proud about Martin being his boyfriend.)

JARED: "Anyway. Willing. Unwilling. Don’t work like that anymore, does it? You made sure of that." MARTIN: "That’s – not fair." JARED: "And what?" MARTIN: "I – I – Mm, uh –" Ah yes, trying to speak up for Jon, which takes a lot of energy. Makes sense that he's deflating again when more resistance is coming his way.  Also, all the monsters and Avatars seems to know it was the Archivist's doing. Helen is obvious, she has suspected it and watching them this whole time. Oliver could kind of suspected it because the Web sent him to wake up Jon. But Jared here?

JARED: "[S’right.] Don’t really matter now, does it?" JON: "No. No, it doesn’t." Yeah, blaming someone doesn't change anything about the situation that resulted from it.

JARED: "Alright. Well, I’d like to hear about my garden." It's so funny how that somehow inspires, what? Sympathy? Compassion? Pity? in me. Like he loves that place, it means something to him and he wants to hear its beauty one last time. Aside from the plants being human beings suffering, it does sound peaceful here, birds, wind chimes...

"The soil should be prepared first, a rich and earthy cocktail of insecurity and self-hatred that allows the roots to twist and contort freely. The temperature should be kept the steady, humid warmth of air conditioners struggling to cope with the perspiration of a dozen bodies pushing themselves too hard, while the lights must be kept at a harsh, fluorescent glare." Pushing yourself at fitness studios to fit a certain beauty standard? Sounds like it to me.

"Counterintuitively, growth is most effective when the orchid is suffering from aggressive dehydration, and it is vitally important that the air roots be rarely praised, and only for the flowers’ appearance and growth." Yeaaah, sounds even more like body building. And this one is called Fortisium Reese, fortis meaning strong, fortisium also sounds a bit like fortissimus, the superlative of fortis. Dehydration is commonly used to get rid of that bit of subcutaneous water, so the muscles can be even better visible under the skin. And then the only thing that matters is appearance and ever more and more muscles.

"While the Gristlebloom Orchid may be the most eye-catching of the plants that you will find in the mortal garden, the Bone Rose is perhaps the most delicate. Thin and brittle, it is constantly on the verge of collapsing under its own weight, even as its ossified stems reach and twist and stretch in a desperate attempt for closeness." Beauty-standard super-skinny, Gracillium Patricia, gracilis - thin.

"At the final, glorious culmination that a body may someday achieve, the ever-retreating perfections that sit always on the tip of a knife. But also growing with the flower must be that other dread: Not of perfection to be hunted, but of decay to be fled." Plastic surgery? Decay to be fled - fear of aging? Secarium Leopold, secare - to cut.

"This is Maeve’s nightmare. There is no other word for it. To be trapped, unmoving, within the body that has betrayed her so often, feeling every sensation as it grows and warps and sprouts, never knowing what new mutation it will visit on her next." Ya, same. 

JARED: "Is it really that bad? Seeing what I’ve done here? Or – (heh) Is it maybe that deep down, you think it’s as beautiful as I do?" JON: (*snapping*) "Shut up!" Not willing to let those who he considers a monster know how he feels about it though.

MARTIN: "Are you okay?" JON: "I’m – (*not great*) Great. You?" Martin probably asked because it does seem to take Jon a bit of effort to call upon the Eye to shift its gaze, since he gasped there, when Jared was successfully deleted from existence. But Jon gets all snappy and defensive. Saying he's great when he isn't. He probably expected to feel great, or at least better, but it's doing nothing. Revenge doesn't give him the satisfaction he hopes it would.

MARTIN: (bit of a laugh) "I really thought this one would be messier." JON: "What do you mean?" MARTIN: "Well I mean – he’s a Flesh – thing, right? I thought he’d be all meat and blood and gore and all that." JON: (bit of a laugh) "Apparently not." MARTIN: "He didn’t even put up a fight." JON. "No." Right after Jude who was resisting really hard, trying to convince Jon to let her live, help his revenge arc even, Jared here just accepted what's coming for him. That probably contributed to rethinking the smiting.

MARTIN: "Jon – we are doing good, right? Making things better?" [THE SLIGHTEST OF PAUSES.] JON: "I don’t know if that was ever an option." The smiting is just a selfish act, Jon letting his anger getting the better of him, blinding him.

@a-mag-a-day

[crystallizedkingdoms]

I had a crazy autism car crash moment and thought about what each of the yiik characters TMA affiliated entity would be so now I’m going to list out all my possibilities + my reasonings. I haven’t listened to tma in forever i need to relisten sometime so this is off of my Memory and the wiki so BE NICE.

Alex: ik The Extinction was kind of my immediate gut feeling because of the whole y2k destruction thing he has going on AND I STILL FEEL THAT FITS. BUT! going off of his actual character alone, the Web is honestly sooo him. with how he spins the whole narrative to fit whatever he feels suits him best. he fears so much about not having control of his life that he turns around and starts doing it to everyone instead. and it’s just never ending in that sense. this feels the most blatant honestly No Notes.

Vella: shes very Buried to me for reasons i am struggling to explain, but i think what draws me to it is how shes been known to shut herself out from situations she cant control and when the world is falling apart around her. like thats literally how we meet her in the first place she had a bad circumstance and she escapes it by trapping herself in another fucking dimension. which feels very Buried to me. also i like how she presses the sides of her head with her hands when shes stressed i like to think tight spaces comfort her just as much as they frighten her in a way.

Rory: IM STUCK BETWEEN THE LONELY AND THE VAST. on one hand the Lonely is so obvious that it hurts, Rory surrounds and pretty much defines himself in loneliness. and to that end you’d think it would be kind of hard to give him anything else. but then you think specifically about his little theories, how thoughtful he is towards the idea of how humanity and souls occupy space, and its like oh shit. so i believe there is Some element of Vast in him. also i love the idea of him and Vella as physical foils OKAY THERE I ADMIT IT.

Claudio: this man could not be more Hunt coded if he fucking tried. his search for his brother is practically endless because he won’t just accept the most likely answer that he’s dead, until the search literally consumes him. when it becomes clear a physical Hunt won’t fulfill his desire for the chase, he starts using the Internet/ONISM to start a digital Hunt that can go on forever and ever and ever. maybe there’s even a little part of Claudio that doesn’t even want to find Aaron, knowing it’ll bring an end to his Hunt.

Chondra: when i make this into a full fledged AU with some semblance of story, i imagine her being the only one who starts out not clearly affiliated with any particular fear because of just how incredibly disinterested she is in anything trying to drag her down. HOWEVER, i think that she would be marked by the End, what with how the death (in her eyes) of her brother haunts her everywhere she goes even if she tries to distance herself away from it, until eventually she gives in and lets it claim her as an avatar.

Michael: i had to save him for last because he’s the one that made me think of this at all and i have so many ideas. HES SO FULL OF POTENTIAL I FOUND THREE GOOD ANSWERS. Part of me wants to separate it into the different facets of Michael that we see throughout the game + the little snippet of I.V. the Michael whos the eternal best friend and blind to the broken narrative Alex creates is such Stranger, i can imagine him Literally being a life sized doll painted to look like the Michael of Alex’s dreams but it’s just. a little off.

meanwhile Red Michael is The Spiral, so achingly aware that everything about the world Stranger Michael lives in is a lie but being unable to communicate that to himself outside of the red room so he spirals into ONISM and consistently tries to find reality where everything is a nostalgia-based deception that further pulls him to the path of Distortion,

FINALLY. Proto-Michael, consumed by the Eye, being painfully aware of everything around him, when no one else seems capable of doing so, and desperately wanting to know the answer to it all. I think this is the entity that fits his entire, Singular the most, because Michael is such a solution-oriented, curious guy and his need to understand every strange, supernatural thing in this world really reflects on his entire character. ALSO the camera motif with him would go FIRE with the Eye. so when i make this an AU separate from the canon events of yiik that’s probably what im gonna go with. But still isn’t this super cool.

uhhhh this was super long and doesn’t even feature other prominent characters but. hey this is the main cast so at least i got that. I’ll keep working on this tho yippeeeee

[rainbowchewynuggets]

re: the fate of TMA: Encore

Up to this point, I’ve been able to get most of TMA: Encore posted. But there are some issues that I’ve been struggling with for a while that are really starting to eat away at my ability to continue.

Even though Encore is practically fully written at this point and I’m just getting the planned drawing sections done, the writing itself is still largely what’s giving me the most trouble.

When I started this project in earnest, I was going off of a very rough outline and mostly writing on the fly. That method works fine for a lot of writers, but it turned out to be really difficult for me. I spent very long periods just trying to figure out how to get from plotpoint A to B to C. I eventually cleared some time to sit down and hammer out a proper coherent script. For logistical reasons, I gave myself about a month to get it done. And I did–which was a huge achievement for me. At the same time, as you can imagine, what I came out with was a little raggedy. I’ve been trying to make small edits as I go to smooth things out and pick up on missed opportunities, but I’m honestly starting to think that it’s just breaking other links in the chain.

The other big reason is due to my decaying relationship with horror. I used to love horror movies and video games, and I reveled in body and abstract emotional horror especially. The Thing. 1408. Silent Hill. TMA’s literary horror vibe was a transformative experience for someone who almost never read for fun growing up. It’s one of my favorite stories, period. Unfortunately, traumatic world events and difficult personal experiences have made horror a lot more… horrible to me in recent years. The tension and terror that used to give me catharsis now only causes me genuine stress. Writing horror still works for me though, which I think has also made it harder to keep myself from going overboard. That fucking concrete forest section with Jon gave me shooting pains to reread.

My point is, I just can’t get myself to relisten to TMA anymore or even take it in by summary. This has left me to rely on my own memory to keep the characters and world consistent with canon. Which is a lot like trying to draw a still-life portrait of wax fruit in 100-degree heat.

The worst part comes in realizing just how smart TMA is. Its explorations of the nature of fear and trauma are what inspired me to want to make Encore in the first place. But the structure and depth of it is even more substantial than I realized when I listened to it. For instance, I recently saw a post talking about how tragic Tim’s character is. He’s such a nice funny guy who does his best to roll with everything in S1, and is slowly ground down to a miserable angry stump of who he used to be by the time of his death. It takes years. And it’s not a natural part of his character. I didn’t write Tim that way in Encore. I figured it would be a lot easier to draw that negativity out of him, in the same way that it doesn’t take a lot of prodding to get Jon to misbehave. That interpretation serves the conflict I wanted to write, but it misses the point of his character, I think. There’s a lot of stuff like that in Encore at such a foundational level that it’s hard to level the dissonance when you compare it to the podcast.

Which sucks, because I originally conceived Encore as a retrospective on what the series was like to listen to (until it took so long to make that I pivoted to make it a separate study on the relationship between fear, pain, and agency, and the existential horror of time travel/immortality). I don’t really feel prepared to do any of that if I’m still discovering so much of what makes TMA work. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think unhinged, canonically-inconsistent fanfiction is bad or shouldn’t exist. But that just isn’t what Encore is supposed to be for me.

All this makes me feel really really… bad. A little bit incompetent, but mostly tired. There are only a few chapters left, and the script is mostly ready to go. Man, I don’t know if I want to go through with it though. My creative spirit has had it rough lately, and I’m about to make some big life changes that are going to make it way harder for me to get art stuff done. And, y’know, I’m supposed to be cutting back on the stuff that makes me more worn-out than happy.

I think I mentioned in a post a while ago that I’ve considered stopping before. I’ve had misgivings about the quality of the writing (and the sheer burden of making full pages of art) for a long time. I convinced myself to keep going because I’ve bailed on a lot of projects over the years and was determined to believe in myself and finish this thing. However, following an audit of the work I’ve put into it, I’m realizing that not finishing wouldn’t make the endeavor a complete loss.

The biggest reason that I make anything is because it makes me a better writer and artist. Even if I’m unsatisfied with the result, I feel accomplished that I sat down and wrote a whole script on a really tight deadline. My usual problem with any writing project is that it keeps sitting on the burner, boiling away, ballooning in scope until it’s impossible to finish. I feel like I’ve been able to make a greater level of peace with compromise and cutting down the stuff in my head to get shit out the door.

Also, tone is hard. Voice is hard. They can be even harder when you’re piggybacking off of another creator. Again, I don’t think that a fanwork or guest work necessarily has to have the same voice as the original. You’re different people, after all. A person can certainly train their tone toward a certain idea with effort, but it helps to know what comes naturally to them. I’m still figuring my own voice out, and it turns out that it isn’t this. The void left behind by my horror safe-space appears to have been occupied by a gif of Gir whacking Shinji Ikari over the head with a frying pan at high speed. Even in Encore’s most manic state, I strain to keep myself from pingponging out of bounds with violent emotional hyperactive energy. Maybe I can try sticking closer to writing action and comedy with only a moderate sprinkling of morose horror.

As mentioned last year, I made important realizations about the way I draw comics. I was taught to draw through studio art where putting your all into every piece is usually the goal. But that’s super unsustainable when you have 7-10 “pieces” to make on every single page. Falling apart halfway through a giant project pushed me to find ways to mitigate the workload without radically changing design consistency. That means formatting, rendering, and composition.

Even before that, the whole fear-color mechanic was a joy to build up. And I finally figured out how to do borderless color art! :3

I can bring all these improvements to the new things I do in the future. All the derivation-related issues in this project are making me think it’s time to move on to original stuff, anyway. Let me tell you, there is a ton of stuff I’d like to make.

TLDR; I’m considering not finishing TMA Encore because I think the quality of the writing has fallen apart, and I need to move away from writing horror and fanworks for a while.

So. The other reason I kept going after that long gap last year was because people appeared to be really into the story. I’d like to give you guys the chance to weigh in on how I handle this. Because for all I know, this is all happening in my head and everything is fine. Your options are:

A) Please finish the last few chapters with art, whenever you get around to it.

B) Please post the last of the script without pictures over the next few weeks.

C) Please don’t worry about finishing it.

Your answer won’t be a definitive vote on what I do, but I do want to value your opinion in what I decide. Through it all, I feel really happy that people have been able to enjoy and express opinions on the longest thing I’ve ever kept going. I look forward to whatever comes next.

Thanks!

Rainbow

------------

EDIT:

After careful consideration, I’ve decided to finish posting the whole thing. Chapters will be longer with way less art.

Thank you everyone, for your kind and sincere encouragement and opinions.

:’)

Here’s the next chapter btw

[siltslut]

I feel it's safe to assume that the silt verses is your fave podcast, but do you have a second fave? if so what is it?

tma cause i’m basic but it’s super fucking good so can you really blame me? i wish i listened to more pods but i’m always busy and never have time. shoutout to red valley who probably gets #3 podcast for me

i’m also currently listening to woe.begone and wanna relisten and fully catch up to malevolent at some point but that might be a while

[avatarofbeholding]

This isn’t gonna be organized or anything really, just rambling off some thoughts and theories regarding TMAGP. Spoilers under the cut!

Now I very well could be entirely off on some stuff— I’m still playing catchup with the ARG so if something I say contradicts what was learned there please tell me because I don’t wanna get off on the wrong track. Most of this is going to regard Episodes 4 and 9 with some general observations littered throughout.

So I’ve mostly ascertained that the Manchester Magnus Institute deals primarily in objects and, by association, their affects on the people that come across them (what given the check-list of potential classifications in the ep 9 incident). There’s already been a lot of SCP vibes from the show so far (which I love). I was going back and relistening to the episodes while we’re in the hiatus and I noticed in episode 4 this:

[ALT TEXT IN PHOTO]

Those gamblers dice almost guaranteed have to be the ones from episode 9– at the very least it seems very likely that if this stranger has one cursed object (the violin) that the others he carries around are just as dangerous. I believe the man with the bag in ep 4 could potentially be this universe’s Jonah (though it’s honestly way too early to say— this could also be a Mikaele Salesa situation or just a fully one-off encounter) — or at the very least an avatar that catalyzes the introduction of several of these objects into the lives of innocents/innocents-turned-avatar. I am betting that at least a few of the other objects mentioned in the sack, or something similar, will make a second appearance— perhaps in another MI related incident.

These aren’t the only instances of cursed objects, obviously. Almost the entirety of the incident episode 7 at the “Hilltop Centre” deals with the victim being quite literally overwhelmed by the strange objects brought there. These objects, too, I believe will make second appearances as we move throughout the story. Whatever their purpose, these objects are clearly a focal point to the manifestation of the fear(s) in this universe. (I also find it incredibly curious that, save for the vandalized set of Encyclopaedia Britannica mentioned in 7, there are no Leitners or Leitner equivalents. This may change, though).

I don’t have much to ascertain from these observations save to repeat what I’ve seen a few people theorize here: that the Magnus Institutes interest in fear may have more to do with how it changes and molds people than how it traumatizes them. The level of voyeurism is still there, obviously, but there’s a shift in focus away from simply drinking in fear generally to focusing on how people are changed by fear. The fact that there were known experiments involving children and their connections to the supernatural alone tells us this much.

Now this is where I go a bit off the deep end into pure speculation, but hear me out here. While I believe the Eye is still a clear influence of the Magnus Institute, and perhaps the Institute is a seat of the eye still given episode 1, I believe that the Manchester MI might very well be the seat of the web. Already it’s clear that the fears in this universe are not nearly as distinct as they were in TMA, incidents can rarely if at all be categorised into one of the 14(or 15 depending on your opinion), and I’ve seen more than one person point out the fact that the O.I.A.R. Quite literally DEALS in categorising these incidents down to the smallest, arbitrary detail. The fears may be beginning to pull apart here, but I don’t think it would be entirely out of the question for the Web AND the Eye to have found power within the Manchester MI. Human experimentation (especially psychological) has appeared in at least one Web Statement (see the Avatar-ification of Annabelle), luck and fortune can just as easily be tied to the web (along with gambling and addiction), and the sheer focus on how fear CHANGES and CONTROLS also feels very Web. Already in TMA the Web and the Eye held somewhat of an alliance (or at least as close to an alliance as the Mother of Puppets will let anyone believe), and it was the Eye and the Web that were directly responsible for the transportation of the fears out of the TMA universe and into who knows how many others. Who is to say the pair aren’t bound to each other in this one?

This is a whole lot of rambling that will likely turn out to be more false than true, but it’s just some thoughts I had! If anyone reads and has their own opinions, especially if you disagree, I’d love to hear it.

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Just an observation

On TMA relisten #1029384718975

Caught this from ep 17, in which our boy Jared Hopworth is introduced:

I’m going to have a discussion with Elias as to what we can do to address the issue [of another Leitner book]. I know he’ll just give me the old “record and study, not interfere or contain” speech again, but I at least need to make him aware of it.

Here's why this is SO important: the Institute isn't Ghostbusters.

They're not Slayers.

They're not out there trying to STOP anything.

The people who got jobs there never intended to get into the thick of things. Even Tim just wanted knowledge so he could go do things on his own.

I think it's important to (a) understand how the Eye works in terms of gathering knowledge but never actually applying it, and (b) how horrifying it is for the kind of people who DO work here - who generally don't get involved, and never wanted to.

Also goes to show what a freakish outlier Gertrude was, ya know?

[nonbinarylocalcryptid]

MAG11 - Dreamer, review and stuff

Diversity wins! The guy who dreamed about your death is gay!

I was hesitant to write this one because I didn't know where to start. Not because it isn't good, I love every single episode of The Magnus Archives, this whole exercise (reviews etc) brings up a few questions to me, what's the point of consuming horror media if I am not scared by it? Can I truly review it if I'm not scared?

And, in relation to MAG11, is death scary?

Well, personally I find the horror genre intriguing, and highly dramatic. It's a dark fantasy that you won't have the chance to experience in real life (or at least, I hope so xD). TMA plays with probability, rather than impossibility, even if there are some fantastic elements in the mix. Every episode is a promise, or a threat, horror and fear would find you anywhen and anywhere. Not even the Dreamer is safe from this promise.

Can I review the hell out it? Yep, yes I can. I can be objective, and I can analyze how well constructed everything is. Have you ever reached episode 200 and made a relisten? Do it, you won't regret it.

Death is scary, is the only certainty in life and at the same time, is paradoxically, uncertain. Everything ends, that much we know, and Antonio Blake doesn't seem to think there's nothing after.

I always think about this quote from Doctor Who when thinking about death, maybe it's useful for you

(Transcript: Peter Capaldi's Twelfth Doctor in The Return of Doctor Mysterio, "Things end. That's all. Everything ends and it's always sad. But everything begins again too and that's always happy. Be happy.)

And talking about quotes, let's comment some bits from the episode:

"I’d broken up with Graham, my boyfriend of six years (...)" - Antonio Blake, March 14th 2015

Yes, yes, weird thing to remark, but hear me out: Graham? Graham?? Is the same Graham as in Graham Folger????

"It was there, sleeping on my friend Anahita’s sofa, in the depths of my misery, that I first started to have the dreams." - Also Mr Blake

Woah, take a seat misery etc, I'm this dramatic too

"I found myself standing atop the very peak of Canary Wharf and overlooking the Barclays building where I had spent so many hateful hours. Behind me I could feel the pulsing beat of the light that stands atop that looming tower; it thrummed through me and I could see the glow pass across my skin like oil but, try as I might, I could not turn around to look at it." - I don't know why it's so appealing.

I tried to recreate it with a screenshot from Google Earth and Photoshop, the result doesn't convince me but it's pretty close xD

"Lucid dreaming has never been a skill I’ve possessed, and I generally get swept along in the current of whatever runs though my sleeping consciousness." - I love it when horror characters get logical, like, uhm, this shouldn't be possible, sir, this is a Wendy's

"And by my estimation he had appeared about ten days before his death. I tell you this because I feel you have a right to know the sort of timescales that we’re dealing with here." - Antonio "may as well just roll with it" Blake

He is so chill about all of this, isn't he? Like, yeah, I have this weird ass powers, I figured out more or less how they work and hey, you're next

"I’m well aware that I don’t even know your name, and I have no responsibility to try and prevent whatever fate is coming for you." - Antonio "I'm doing it anyway because I'm that chill and cool" Blake

"At the very least, you should look into appointing a successor." - LMAO

" I have no idea if Gertrude got the chance to read this statement before she passed away, but if anyone comes in ranting about dreaming my death, then I very much want to hear about it." - Jon "anything is bs except Leitners and prophecies about my death" Sims, April 15th 2016

Sir, with all due respect, wtf

General overview:

Vibe: it's mysterious with a side of peace and quiet

Horror: spooky, just plain old good spooky

Audio: pretty ASMR in general

Humour: Jon, why are u like this

Score: 10/10

[dykeyote]

question because i have seen you tma post a bit: do you have thoughts on jonathan sims archivist of the magnus institute london (or anyone else)

barring that how do you feel about cecil kanagawa because i’m trying to get into penumbra a bit

FUNNIEST anon ask ever because idk if you know ths about me but i spent all of 2020 centering my entire personality around jon sims and all of 2021 centering my entire personality around cecil kanagawa . so yes . you could say im a fan of their work

more particularly i find jon delightful im not suuuupes into tma nowadays but i am quite fond of that little freak and whenever i think about said freak too hard i go spiralling downwards into a deep depression because i am so clinically insane about that fucker . 10/10 character

cecil kanagawa is PEAK character tho hes genuinely so fucking delightful i love that fucking idiot he made me transgender so i owe him my life . hes actually kinda fascinating is the thing like when youve thought abt him as much as i have (during said 2021 period and also whenever he randomly takes up shop in my mind again) you realize he is actually kinda deeply interesting and really sad but you dont have to be depressed thinking abt him bc he is also the worlds stupidest guy and is sooo funny but also he is objectively quite impressive and intelligent but also hes maaybe insane and has made some of the worst decisions ever . now thats versatility . he can serve anything . also love that hes a disabled trans guy who is without a doubt evil and insane and has committed horrible crimes but also too pathetic and silly for it to be like demonization . thousand out of ten character i started relistening to murderous mask today cant wait to get to his freak self

[aflyingcontradiction]

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 195 - Adrift

Down in the depths, there is a cold beyond cold. An icy, liquid chill that surrounds you, embraces you, pierces every inch of your naked gooseflesh skin with its needling touch, and gets inside your bones, the marrow frozen into nothing but agony.

Okay, now I want a cup of hot tea.

You can feel its titanic bulk moving past, just below you.

Yeah, that's terrifying. I've always had a thing about giant creatures lurking in the deep.

Deep down, in the icy depths, you could imagine… you could hope. The darkness hides terrible things, but it could also hide salvation. You cannot know what is down there, but up here it is laid out in such terrible stark detail that there is nothing.

AAAAAH!

Basira: Jon?

I really didn't expect Basira to be the person to emerge from the ocean of nothingness! (Somehow I never do seem to expect the turns the TMA plot takes, do I?)

Basira: So I’m guessing it represents academic isolation or something? Maybe something to do with ‘the dangerous unknown’, skimming the surface, that kind of thing?

I kinda like the lampshading here. Nope, not everything has to be a metaphor for a real-world situation.

Basira: Bit late for self-discovery though, right? After the world’s ended? Jon: We’re still here.

This is oddly inspirational. Never too late for self-discovery until you're actually dead!

Jon: They all seemed fairly normal given the circumstances. Bit of a let-down in some ways.

Was Jon hoping for white robes and blood rituals?

Jon on tape: ‘MR. SPIDER WANTS MORE.’

Oh, I love the ominous nature of ending this episode on that old line from that old statement in particular.

My impression of this episode

There's so much vivid imagery in this, I kind of started shivering halfway through the episode. Just, the sheer vast nothingness - and as I said above, I've always had a fascination-tinged-with-fear for things lurking in the depths of the ocean. Weirdly enough then, this statement didn't stick in my mind half as much as other Vast statements (the phrase "Enjoy sky blue" still makes me yelp, tbh). I'm really not sure why. It's a very good statement! The conversation Basira and Jon have feels mostly just like recapping previous events and setting up the next episode, though.