#also I’m doing a TMA relisten

[human-adjacent]

i’ve been thinking about the relationship between the eye and the lonely so i’m gonna rant about it and you’re going to read it

i’ve been relistening to tma, and one thing that’s been bothering me is the fact that the lukas family funds the institute. it doesn’t make sense. the eye and the lonely are hugely opposing forces. the eye is the fear of being Known, of being watched at all times, the feeling that you are never alone. the lonely is the fear of being completely alone, that there is nobody there to see you or to Know you. the lonely itself also manifests in a similar manner to the dark, where it preys on the fear of the unknown (as can be seen through the heavy fog inside the lonely). meanwhile, though the eye is also related to the fear of the unknown, it manifests differently, because it doesn’t try to hide the unknown from its victims, rather it encourages them to uncover the unknown and seek out that knowledge at the cost of their own safety. so why would the lukas family want to fund an institute dedicated to serving an entity that is fundamentally opposed to theirs in every way possible?

however, with these lines in mag 92, it starts to make more sense

elias believes that companionship cannot truly coexist with the eye. after all, it makes sense, the eye is all about watching and observing, but it is also about inactivity. you watch people, but you do not interfere with them. you can observe your friends, learn things about them, but you do not form deep connections with them. people are simply a vessel to obtain knowledge, and friendship is meaningless unless it contributes to that pursuit. so in this way, the institute seems to have some attachment to the lonely, as it isolates its employees from the rest of the world and even from each other. and it only makes sense that the lukas family would want to contribute to that loneliness.

less serious, but this also made me think about lonelyeyes. based on elias’s personal philosophy about companionship, it’s really so fitting that the one man he would choose to connect with is an avatar of the lonely. both of them outright reject the idea of deep interpersonal relationships, so of course they’d be perfect for each other (and of course that’s why they constantly get divorced)

[mirrrarts]

So, I’m caught up on malevolent but I need smth or I’ll go insane probably

Also it is highly probable that I will look at the results and ignore them and do an entirely different thing

[dandyleyen]

On my TMA relisten and I have thoughts.

I’m in shambles after having finished MAG #104 because I know how this season ends for Tim specifically. This season does really build up to it with all his bitter and upset feelings. I’m glad we get to hear this statement from him but man, it hurts.

BUT ALSO an observation. This is not the first time that someone’s in the room with Martin and he hasn’t realized it. Which is,,,, oh lord. Knowing his entanglement later on with The Lonely, it’s very interesting. I didn’t finish s4 so don’t @ me, but I do vaguely remember that being a big part of his character. I don’t know if much of it has been set up in previous seasons but it is getting clearer that Martin is definitely falling in with The Lonely already. It’s interesting to me how all the people working in the archives have connections not only with The Eye, but also how they have their own connections with other fears and how it affects their lives. For Sasha it became the stranger, for Tim it also happens to be the stranger, for Jon it’s the web, and for Martin it’s the lonely. Unsure if I’ve picked up on one for Elias,,,,

Just some thoughts

[go-to-the-mirror]

i dont want to talk about scrutiny

WHATEVER, FINE, OKAY, WE'RE DOING SCRUTINY, OR SOMETHING, FINE, WHATEVER, WHAT EVER

i love scrutiny, i do, but in the way that i love threshold, and nothing beside remains, and seeing it through, and a guest for mr spider. meaning I really do, but I also hate it with vitriol. Not really? It's complicated. I have Some Feelings Towards it. Yep. Look this podcast makes me feel happiness and sadness and anger at the same bloody time, but it's all confused because it's overridden by being Very ADHD about it, so like, they're all rattling around in there. I hate it (affectionate), I love it (derogatory), you get it?

Anyway, y'all know how I feel about Jon already, and if you don't, it's love and only love, so uhm, yeah, let's just get on with it already, rambling and mostly rambling, attempts to set aside my undying love for the Jarchivist for like a day, etc.

@a-mag-a-day

Firstly, I'd like to draw attention to the posts I made on my instagram story about this when I was first listening to TMA, because I was Not Alright.

The first was highlighting the description of the episode: "Statement of an unknown bystander, regarding an encounter with The Archivist." "The Archivist." Not "Jonathan Sims," not "Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London," not even "Jonathan Sims, The Archivist."

Just... The Archivist.

The second was regarding the first, saying that I knew it was deserved but he should be allowed to eat a few fears. As a treat.

I didn't say anything to my partner (who you should follow by the way, they're scarandjoelenthusiast), cause I think I was still attempting to be spoiler free for vex at that point, lol. And I had no other... friends. At all. Um. Yeah.

So, onto the relisten! Oh boy.

MARTIN Ah, alright, did he... did he look like he hadn't slept in about a week?

I absolutely love that Jon's descriptors are looking like shit, and looking like Jesus. That's just amazing.

Also uh,,, why did Martin immediately go to Jon? Hm..

Everything, every bit of light or sound or, or anything that changed, that said time was passing. There was nothing. Before that I never really thought about time, you know? But now… Yeah.

that must have been terrifying

So, it, it took a long time to get over that. I mean, that’s not weird, right? I me— It was a bad time. You know, it, it stays with you. Was signed off, what, I think about six months with the injuries. Had pretty bad, uh, nightmares, claustrophobia, I mean, obviously, right? But, uh, but, but I did my physio, and, you know, talked, talked with the counsellor they gave me. Look, I did everything I was supposed to and, and yeah, I… I guess I was fine. You know, once the bruises were gone I— Well, it’s easy to blame memory, right? You know, ha-hallucination, coincidence, all the classic shite you tell yourself. Life went back to normal. I— I was fine. Until about two weeks ago.

Jesus fucking christ, Jon. She was fine, trying to get over it, Floyd was fine and that's just it, because they think they're safe, and-

She was fine, she was okay, and he took that from her, he took that from her, he made it so she couldn't be fine anymore, he made it so every god. damn. night she'd experience that again, the bastard.

There’s this creep in, in the corner. Your guy. He just… keeps staring at me, like, like properly staring. Like, it is super intense and, and real weird. Like he knows me, but I sure as hell do not know him. I— I try to ignore him, look, I just, I just read my book, and every time I look up there he is, watching me.

Girls when they realise oh yes, he's an avatar.

So… Look, I’m packing up, all done and, and I just, I just sorta turn, you know, just, just to check if he’s still there and he is standing right behind— Like, like a few inches from my face. Look, it’s messed up!

That's??? Terrifying?? I mean, look, like, my sisters jump whenever I quietly stand behind them and stare intently, and they're my sisters, they know me, they know I only joke about stabbing them with a knife, Jon, that's freaky, stop being freaky, you have trauma at home. Go eat a stale trauma for gods sake.

Like, okay Mr. "I don't think it's me doing it." Who sat at a bloody coffee shop for an hour.

I. Understand. That there is a certain. Need. To cause and feed on fear. As an Avatar/Monster/Whatever. And I mean like it's pretty hard. To admit you're in the wrong for something. Even if you think you're in the wrong for other things. But like. None of this matters to Jess, to Floyd, to the three other people whose lives he ruined. He can try be better, he can never do it again, but he can't go back and fix it.

And I start to ask him, you know, what the hell, man, you know? Like— But he just starts talking. Slowly. But real intense. He says, he works here, at the, the Magnus Institute, and I say, what even is that and he says, he wants my story. He says he needs to hear what happened to me. And I— I want to tell him to jj-just go away. I want to, to, to kick him and run. But I— (long sigh) I sit down. And I start to tell him everything. About the job, about the collapse, a-about the hand. More than I told you, even, and, and as I do— it’s like I’m there again. Like I can feel it grab my ankle, th-th-that cold, dead hand and I just… I just can’t stop talking. I cannot shut up.

[ID: A blurry photo of CC!GoodTimesWithScar with his head in his hands. /End ID]

And then it was over. And he looked— He looked at me like he’d just eaten, like a perfectly cooked steak. You know what he said? He said, “Thank you.” “Thank you.” Just like that. Like, like reliving the worst parts of my whole life were just a bit of a… a favour that I’d done him. And then he left and I— I just sat there and cried for a while.

i don't know what to say im just sitting here with my head in my hands.

And he’s there the whole time, just… watching me. Watching me scream and thrash and… He’s all eyes. He’s all eyes.

I kinda want to punch him right about now, because how dare he do that to her, how dare he ruin her life just because he wanted to. Whatever, avatar, feed your god or it'll feed on you, I don't care, that's his business, not hers. She wasn't involved, she didn't have to be involved, she was fine and he took that from her, the bastard!

How dare he sit there talking about choice, how dare he feel all guilty for ruining her life, how dare he! He doesn't deserve to feel bad about it. Christ, Jon, what the fuck.

But I feel like I’m seeing him when I’m awake as well. I’ve been… I’ve been having a lot of problems since he talked to me. Since I talked to him. Since I told my... story. The, the claustrophobia, it’s back, worse than it ever was and I can’t do my job. I have these, these screaming panic attacks every time I try and— What am I supposed to do? Like, feels like, like every time I’m even slightly underground I— Can’t even go into a shop basement more without feeling that… (sniffs) hand. Every time I do, every time I get that panic just rising up my throat, I see him. He’s there. Not when I look properly, but just at the edge. The corner of my eye. Then he’s gone.

(MAG 142 - Scrutiny)

Since then, she said she’d been seeing that woman everywhere she went.

(MAG 6 - Worm Sex Episode Squirm)

✨ becoming what you hated ✨

No, but I have a lot of feelings on becoming a fear entity Avatar and the cycle of violence. Of how Avatars often only became Avatars because of previous trauma, because they had no other options. Of how they often don't see themselves as victims, for example Annabelle Cane describing herself as manipulative, even as she was a child trying to cope in an abusive household. And I think that Jon being like Jane Prentiss, following his victims like her, starting to understand her... that ties into those themes. I love this podcast <3.

MARTIN No, no, it’s— Thank you. I just— [Agitated clatter] For god’s sake, can he not just stay safe for like, like ten minutes?! DAISY I don’t think that’s an option for him anymore. MARTIN Yeah, I mean, sure. But he just… he doesn’t think! He always just immediately charges straight off into danger with whatever, whatever half-arsed plan occurs to him at the time! I don’t get it! DAISY What’s to get? MARTIN What? DAISY I, I mean, it’s pretty standard stuff. MARTIN What? DAISY Used to see it all the time back in the force, especially with the sectioned. Not like there’s ‘normal’ trauma, you know, but it’s pretty common. The most important thing becomes control, engaging on your own terms. Even when it’s stupid or dangerous. Anything to not feel helpless. MARTIN Oh god… DAISY And of course for Jon’s there’s survivor’s guilt in there too. He thinks he’s not human. Makes him very… self-destructive.

PODDED CAST!!

Thank you, Jonny.

Like hgnhhrnhhnr <3 yep. mhhnm there's another post that talks about the meaning of putting that in with scrutiny, I'll tag a mag a day in that.

Like! Aa! Thank you. Don't really have much to add, I mean I said a bunch in other episodes rambles, specifically the MAG 131, 132, and 136 ones.

I mean you know, the whole spider thing, a bit of his self-blame about... the end of season 4... could come from... if he's not to blame, then he didn't have any control, then all of this was out of his control. If he couldn't stop it, if Jimmy Magma's plan was that good then... well, then he was helpless, and there's nothing worse than being helpless.

in conclusion, disregard the above Jon did nothing wrong- no, he's... he doesn't get to be forgiven by Jess, by Floyd, by the others, not unless they choose to forgive him. But he can work on doing better, you know? He's allowed to not wallow in guilt the whole time, he's not irredeemable, he just did bad things -- bad things he can't fix -- but he can work on never doing those bad things again, on mitigating the damage as much as he can. He's not a bad person, just a person who did bad things.

I dunno, I'm more interested in the metaphysics side of philosophy. You know there's a branch of philosophy called metametaphysics? I think it's so funny.

[wimblton475]

Gimme a character+outfit to draw!

Heyo! Im wimbl! I do art and probably other stuff idk. I also run Daily-Pearl-Doodles! Probably won’t post much after the initial art dump. All blinkies made on blinkies.cafe!

I’m in a lot of fandoms, but I think the main ones r mcyt(mostly hermitpires circle, but I like dsmp stuff despite having not watched even a little bit of it), a lot of random webcomics (you should read the 3rd life game) and random fantasy books from my childhood which I might randomly reblog stuff from

more fandoms: tma+tmagp, the nice house on the lake, something is killing the children, Hilda, Death by Dying, Unwell(it made me unwell), the owl house, I started watching amphibia!, the Mistholme Museum of Mystery, Morbidity, and Mortality(still crying after that ending hahahhahahhahahhahahahah), haven’t finished welcome to nightvale and I probably won’t, and I started listening to midnight burger cuz it seems cool! I also am giving the white vault another try(finished the white vault it was intense)(relistened to it again it was a piece of art) am listening to chapter and multiverse(vampire cowboys?????), listening to spirit box radio!!!!!!, UNWELL CREATORS NEW PODCAST WORLD GONE WRONG???? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, am listening to the milkmen of st gaffs, that creator is talented as shit and the plot is wack

probably won’t finish but have listened to some of:

Neighborly

Somewhere, Ohio

I watch murder drones and helluvaboss but I never reblog anything from them really

I run Daily-Pearl-Doodles! Go give me a drawing rec over there!

Genloss image from @sweetpeauserboxes !

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 123 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: putting up a new fence (moved again to a different part of the property... I've been patching that fence for years and I got so much done during TMA!)

Web Development, ha! (I know, I know, I'm easily amused...)

JON: (salty) "Coma, great! Let’s rearrange his office. Sleeping people don’t need – pens." [HE STEPS IN SOMETHING WITH A SQUELCH!] JON: "Euagh! What –" Up until this point Jon (and first-listeners) doesn't know what happened yet. Seems like there is still some residue from the Flesh attack, hehe. That’s also the reason they *had* to throw Jon's cloths out. Interesting, that the jar of ashes survived. I'd guess Martin still was there for the clean-up? My headcanon is, he was the one who wanted to go through Jon's office, trying to salvage things and managed to sufficiently clean up the jar to keep it. It gave Jon some closure and feeling of safety back then, I'd totally understand, if Martin wanted to preserve that.

MELANIE: "Tim is dead. Daisy is dead, and you – what, you’re just fine?" JON: "What – no! I’ve been in hospital for six months!" MELANIE: "Something has been in hospital. Something that’s got your face" Even though Melanie and Basira weren't too affected by the Not!Them (Basira almost not at all, she never met the real Sasha), that trauma still sits so deep with all of them. They know the Fears are not benevolent, and one of those things got Jon to wake up. (Also yeah, Slaughter bullet)

MELANIE: "I warned Basira; I said not to let you back in here, but she just" (increasingly angry; starts slamming [the wall]) "doesn’t! listen!" Lydia really nails the rage here. How the voice begins to break.

MELANIE: "Oh! Okay, so it’s what, hi Jon, how are you, get anyone killed lately?" JON: (dumbstruck) "I – I –" MELANIE: "Wipe that look off of your face. Like you’re not the reason all of this is happening! (she takes a breath) Like you’re any better than – than him!" This is hurtful on so many levels. And Jon and Melanie let us know what an impact this had on Jon (Jon being speechless and Melanie making a comment on the look on his face). Jon hasn't been the friendliest of people, but since MAG 22 he’s been on a steady path to change. All of his actions have been either hypervigilance from being traumatized as a kid (which is a defense mechanism. Learn all about everything, you'll hopefully be a step ahead and things can't hurt you - in S2 this really ended in bad actions. Like I understand why he's been paranoid, but the others also don't have to tolerate this from him) or (and this has been all of S3) trying to keep others safe, including Melanie. He just didn’t know how to do it. Mr. Spider taught him if other people get involved, they’ll get hurt. And then Elias, comparing Jon to Elias. As if Elias hasn't hurt Jon enough as well, even if it wasn't that obvious, especially not for the others. Elias' grooming Jon into things he never wanted is just so disgusting to me.

MELANIE: "No! You don’t, do you? He’s still alive. You are still alive. So this place is still –" See above. (The worst of this: She's kind of right! If Jon dies, they'll go free.)

JON: "Okay." [HE TAKES A LONG, SHAKY BREATH.] JON: "I’m sorry." T_T (Yeah, if it wasn't clear from the first two episodes of S4, this is going to be one huge punch to the gut after the other.)

BASIRA: "Alright. Best I can understand it, Beholding, or the Eye, or… whatever you wanna call it, we’re one of the only powers that hasn’t taken a shot at a ritual. Yet. And everything out there knows it." JON: "No – I mean, we can’t be the only ones, surely." Funny thing, this about the Eye haven’t taken a shot at a ritual yet stayed very strongly with me the first time around. So much, that I ignored all the clues that Elias is trying to do exactly this (Gerry in MAG 111 about the Watcher's Crown, Basira later to Elias in prison about him kicking off his little ritual from a jail cell). I bunched the Eye up with the End and the Web (because they also don’t have a ritual as we'll later learn) even though my sister already went "No no, the Eye has the Watcher's Crown" and then I went full Surprised Pikachu Face when things finally happened.

BASIRA: "Yeah, it was bad. We took them all out. Melanie did most of them. She was… she got a knife from somewhere and –" JON: (overlapping) "Basira I-I don’t know if that’s a good sign?" BASIRA: "She saved my life, Jon. She saved all of us. I won’t forget that." Oh, the hypocrisy of this. But we know, that Basira's heavily playing favorites in this season. Jon being back is not a good sign, but when Jon points out Melanie's unending rage and superhuman knife strength, it's okay because sHe SaVeD BaSiRa's LiFe? As if Jon wasn't part of the saving-the-world-from-the-Unknowing-crew, does that not count? (Speaking from a point of their knowledge at this time, of course.)

BASIRA: "Don’t be too hard on him, Jon. Your, uh, situation. It hit him. Hard." JON: (sighs) "Yes. Well, I’m sure there are better ways to deal with it than getting – cozy with Elias’s successor." Jealous? :)

BASIRA: (sighs) "Rumor is a couple of researchers up on the third floor decided to ignore some of his new directives, and… whoosh." I think it'd be really funny to see TMA from the eyes of someone not working in the Archives (or Rosie). Like all those people who have no idea what this place is. And how would they explain this event though. Two researchers suddenly disappearing...

JON: "Oh." [HE LAUGHS, BUT IT, TOO, IS HUMORLESS.] JON: "The more things change… So, we’re under siege, Melanie is aggressively unstable, Martin is working very closely with – The Lonely, who is predictably enough isolating him, and, oh, yes, uh, Tim and Daisy are still dead. (laughing) Which is at least easy to keep track of." There goes his sanity...

"As he told it, she was young, rail-thin underneath an oversized brown hoodie, which she kept pulled up, trying to cover up a network of pale stitches that stretched over one side of her head." Ha, totally forgot Annabelle was already in this. From what we heard about her from MAG 69, I don't know if this was even very obvious to spot when first listening? At that point, all we would know was that she got her head bashed in and dressed in vintage clothes? Oh and spiders of course...

"She just mumbled something about custom requirements and told Greg to drink his latte, which he did, so he tells me, though he can’t stand milk in his coffee." So subtle!

Chelicerae is btw what the "mandibles" or "fangs" of arachnids are actually called.

"According to those who followed such things, all you had to do was start a new thread as a Guest, something Greg had been instructed to make sure was possible, and the title of that thread should be the name of someone you want dead." A digital death note, gotcha! xD Okay, jokes aside, I love this and MAG 65, those internet creepy pastas! 

"He rarely goes out anymore, and, judging by the cobwebs, he definitely doesn’t clean his house like he used to." There's no such thing as random cobwebs in TMA.

JON: "Another gap. And whoever took it didn’t do any follow-up, just… filed it away. I may be the first person to actually read it, so… (same mirthless cough of a laugh) Sorry, Angie. I suppose." There has already been some speculation about this as part of a mag a day. About the Archivist's dreams, how it works, who end up in there. This "Sorry, Angie", is it meant as an apology for the fact that their statement has been ignored for 2 years? Or is it meant for the possible situation of Angie now ending up in Jon's dreams, since the statement's been given after Gertrude's death and Jon is the first Archivist to read it. This would make Jon's diet even more complicated, having to resort to statements which Gertrude has already consumed in an attempt to not "curse" more people.

JON: "It’s unclear if they were meant to be users or victims, but I cannot help but note that there seem to be the names of several statement givers who found their way to the Institute, including noted arachnophobe Carlos Vittery." The name of the person who set the plot into motion. This should be a very loud clue about the Web pulling its strings all this time!

@a-mag-a-day

[seven-winged-liar]

I saw your comic about listening to a horror podcast while doing normal tasks. So I am college and I work at a 3D printing lab. Which is in the education, math, and business building is a prominent short cut.

For my work I have to keep the lab doors open to let folks in and we have a speaker system. So often I will be playing music or a podcast in the background while I work. And I have been relistening to TMA for this year as my year goal to listen to an episode a day. It was fun. Also in 2022 and 2033 when I got bored I would roll a d100 twice and add the totals to play an episode for something to listen to.

So I have been just vibing at the lab or doing my homework while people who are probably walking by or studying just hear the out of context TMA snippets from the lab with a bunch of power tools and running printers.

Now, I am well known at my university. It’s rather small, PWI, and most people know each other or know someone who knows you. I am pretty sociable and energetic open about that I have CPTSD and have had a difficult life. So when most people know of me they make the assumptions that I seen war and or am a veteran. People think that I also work at the school or I am a non traditional student.

(I’m also one of the few SWANA students and I think the one of most well known)

And I think me just having TMA in the background for me is maybe the main reason in the building I am most likely to face sexist, racist comments and catcalling. Just puts a a warning for most Cishet men not to fuck me with. (Sorry this is so long, I like your comic btw)

That's awesome! (besides people being assholes) The comic if it were in other peoples ears while they were completing normal tasks 😔 <3

I'm thrilled you liked it!!!

[crystallizedkingdoms]

I had a crazy autism car crash moment and thought about what each of the yiik characters TMA affiliated entity would be so now I’m going to list out all my possibilities + my reasonings. I haven’t listened to tma in forever i need to relisten sometime so this is off of my Memory and the wiki so BE NICE.

Alex: ik The Extinction was kind of my immediate gut feeling because of the whole y2k destruction thing he has going on AND I STILL FEEL THAT FITS. BUT! going off of his actual character alone, the Web is honestly sooo him. with how he spins the whole narrative to fit whatever he feels suits him best. he fears so much about not having control of his life that he turns around and starts doing it to everyone instead. and it’s just never ending in that sense. this feels the most blatant honestly No Notes.

Vella: shes very Buried to me for reasons i am struggling to explain, but i think what draws me to it is how shes been known to shut herself out from situations she cant control and when the world is falling apart around her. like thats literally how we meet her in the first place she had a bad circumstance and she escapes it by trapping herself in another fucking dimension. which feels very Buried to me. also i like how she presses the sides of her head with her hands when shes stressed i like to think tight spaces comfort her just as much as they frighten her in a way.

Rory: IM STUCK BETWEEN THE LONELY AND THE VAST. on one hand the Lonely is so obvious that it hurts, Rory surrounds and pretty much defines himself in loneliness. and to that end you’d think it would be kind of hard to give him anything else. but then you think specifically about his little theories, how thoughtful he is towards the idea of how humanity and souls occupy space, and its like oh shit. so i believe there is Some element of Vast in him. also i love the idea of him and Vella as physical foils OKAY THERE I ADMIT IT.

Claudio: this man could not be more Hunt coded if he fucking tried. his search for his brother is practically endless because he won’t just accept the most likely answer that he’s dead, until the search literally consumes him. when it becomes clear a physical Hunt won’t fulfill his desire for the chase, he starts using the Internet/ONISM to start a digital Hunt that can go on forever and ever and ever. maybe there’s even a little part of Claudio that doesn’t even want to find Aaron, knowing it’ll bring an end to his Hunt.

Chondra: when i make this into a full fledged AU with some semblance of story, i imagine her being the only one who starts out not clearly affiliated with any particular fear because of just how incredibly disinterested she is in anything trying to drag her down. HOWEVER, i think that she would be marked by the End, what with how the death (in her eyes) of her brother haunts her everywhere she goes even if she tries to distance herself away from it, until eventually she gives in and lets it claim her as an avatar.

Michael: i had to save him for last because he’s the one that made me think of this at all and i have so many ideas. HES SO FULL OF POTENTIAL I FOUND THREE GOOD ANSWERS. Part of me wants to separate it into the different facets of Michael that we see throughout the game + the little snippet of I.V. the Michael whos the eternal best friend and blind to the broken narrative Alex creates is such Stranger, i can imagine him Literally being a life sized doll painted to look like the Michael of Alex’s dreams but it’s just. a little off.

meanwhile Red Michael is The Spiral, so achingly aware that everything about the world Stranger Michael lives in is a lie but being unable to communicate that to himself outside of the red room so he spirals into ONISM and consistently tries to find reality where everything is a nostalgia-based deception that further pulls him to the path of Distortion,

FINALLY. Proto-Michael, consumed by the Eye, being painfully aware of everything around him, when no one else seems capable of doing so, and desperately wanting to know the answer to it all. I think this is the entity that fits his entire, Singular the most, because Michael is such a solution-oriented, curious guy and his need to understand every strange, supernatural thing in this world really reflects on his entire character. ALSO the camera motif with him would go FIRE with the Eye. so when i make this an AU separate from the canon events of yiik that’s probably what im gonna go with. But still isn’t this super cool.

uhhhh this was super long and doesn’t even feature other prominent characters but. hey this is the main cast so at least i got that. I’ll keep working on this tho yippeeeee

[rainbowchewynuggets]

re: the fate of TMA: Encore

Up to this point, I’ve been able to get most of TMA: Encore posted. But there are some issues that I’ve been struggling with for a while that are really starting to eat away at my ability to continue.

Even though Encore is practically fully written at this point and I’m just getting the planned drawing sections done, the writing itself is still largely what’s giving me the most trouble.

When I started this project in earnest, I was going off of a very rough outline and mostly writing on the fly. That method works fine for a lot of writers, but it turned out to be really difficult for me. I spent very long periods just trying to figure out how to get from plotpoint A to B to C. I eventually cleared some time to sit down and hammer out a proper coherent script. For logistical reasons, I gave myself about a month to get it done. And I did–which was a huge achievement for me. At the same time, as you can imagine, what I came out with was a little raggedy. I’ve been trying to make small edits as I go to smooth things out and pick up on missed opportunities, but I’m honestly starting to think that it’s just breaking other links in the chain.

The other big reason is due to my decaying relationship with horror. I used to love horror movies and video games, and I reveled in body and abstract emotional horror especially. The Thing. 1408. Silent Hill. TMA’s literary horror vibe was a transformative experience for someone who almost never read for fun growing up. It’s one of my favorite stories, period. Unfortunately, traumatic world events and difficult personal experiences have made horror a lot more… horrible to me in recent years. The tension and terror that used to give me catharsis now only causes me genuine stress. Writing horror still works for me though, which I think has also made it harder to keep myself from going overboard. That fucking concrete forest section with Jon gave me shooting pains to reread.

My point is, I just can’t get myself to relisten to TMA anymore or even take it in by summary. This has left me to rely on my own memory to keep the characters and world consistent with canon. Which is a lot like trying to draw a still-life portrait of wax fruit in 100-degree heat.

The worst part comes in realizing just how smart TMA is. Its explorations of the nature of fear and trauma are what inspired me to want to make Encore in the first place. But the structure and depth of it is even more substantial than I realized when I listened to it. For instance, I recently saw a post talking about how tragic Tim’s character is. He’s such a nice funny guy who does his best to roll with everything in S1, and is slowly ground down to a miserable angry stump of who he used to be by the time of his death. It takes years. And it’s not a natural part of his character. I didn’t write Tim that way in Encore. I figured it would be a lot easier to draw that negativity out of him, in the same way that it doesn’t take a lot of prodding to get Jon to misbehave. That interpretation serves the conflict I wanted to write, but it misses the point of his character, I think. There’s a lot of stuff like that in Encore at such a foundational level that it’s hard to level the dissonance when you compare it to the podcast.

Which sucks, because I originally conceived Encore as a retrospective on what the series was like to listen to (until it took so long to make that I pivoted to make it a separate study on the relationship between fear, pain, and agency, and the existential horror of time travel/immortality). I don’t really feel prepared to do any of that if I’m still discovering so much of what makes TMA work. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think unhinged, canonically-inconsistent fanfiction is bad or shouldn’t exist. But that just isn’t what Encore is supposed to be for me.

All this makes me feel really really… bad. A little bit incompetent, but mostly tired. There are only a few chapters left, and the script is mostly ready to go. Man, I don’t know if I want to go through with it though. My creative spirit has had it rough lately, and I’m about to make some big life changes that are going to make it way harder for me to get art stuff done. And, y’know, I’m supposed to be cutting back on the stuff that makes me more worn-out than happy.

I think I mentioned in a post a while ago that I’ve considered stopping before. I’ve had misgivings about the quality of the writing (and the sheer burden of making full pages of art) for a long time. I convinced myself to keep going because I’ve bailed on a lot of projects over the years and was determined to believe in myself and finish this thing. However, following an audit of the work I’ve put into it, I’m realizing that not finishing wouldn’t make the endeavor a complete loss.

The biggest reason that I make anything is because it makes me a better writer and artist. Even if I’m unsatisfied with the result, I feel accomplished that I sat down and wrote a whole script on a really tight deadline. My usual problem with any writing project is that it keeps sitting on the burner, boiling away, ballooning in scope until it’s impossible to finish. I feel like I’ve been able to make a greater level of peace with compromise and cutting down the stuff in my head to get shit out the door.

Also, tone is hard. Voice is hard. They can be even harder when you’re piggybacking off of another creator. Again, I don’t think that a fanwork or guest work necessarily has to have the same voice as the original. You’re different people, after all. A person can certainly train their tone toward a certain idea with effort, but it helps to know what comes naturally to them. I’m still figuring my own voice out, and it turns out that it isn’t this. The void left behind by my horror safe-space appears to have been occupied by a gif of Gir whacking Shinji Ikari over the head with a frying pan at high speed. Even in Encore’s most manic state, I strain to keep myself from pingponging out of bounds with violent emotional hyperactive energy. Maybe I can try sticking closer to writing action and comedy with only a moderate sprinkling of morose horror.

As mentioned last year, I made important realizations about the way I draw comics. I was taught to draw through studio art where putting your all into every piece is usually the goal. But that’s super unsustainable when you have 7-10 “pieces” to make on every single page. Falling apart halfway through a giant project pushed me to find ways to mitigate the workload without radically changing design consistency. That means formatting, rendering, and composition.

Even before that, the whole fear-color mechanic was a joy to build up. And I finally figured out how to do borderless color art! :3

I can bring all these improvements to the new things I do in the future. All the derivation-related issues in this project are making me think it’s time to move on to original stuff, anyway. Let me tell you, there is a ton of stuff I’d like to make.

TLDR; I’m considering not finishing TMA Encore because I think the quality of the writing has fallen apart, and I need to move away from writing horror and fanworks for a while.

So. The other reason I kept going after that long gap last year was because people appeared to be really into the story. I’d like to give you guys the chance to weigh in on how I handle this. Because for all I know, this is all happening in my head and everything is fine. Your options are:

A) Please finish the last few chapters with art, whenever you get around to it.

B) Please post the last of the script without pictures over the next few weeks.

C) Please don’t worry about finishing it.

Your answer won’t be a definitive vote on what I do, but I do want to value your opinion in what I decide. Through it all, I feel really happy that people have been able to enjoy and express opinions on the longest thing I’ve ever kept going. I look forward to whatever comes next.

Thanks!

Rainbow

------------

EDIT:

After careful consideration, I’ve decided to finish posting the whole thing. Chapters will be longer with way less art.

Thank you everyone, for your kind and sincere encouragement and opinions.

:’)

Here’s the next chapter btw

[siltslut]

I feel it's safe to assume that the silt verses is your fave podcast, but do you have a second fave? if so what is it?

tma cause i’m basic but it’s super fucking good so can you really blame me? i wish i listened to more pods but i’m always busy and never have time. shoutout to red valley who probably gets #3 podcast for me

i’m also currently listening to woe.begone and wanna relisten and fully catch up to malevolent at some point but that might be a while

[avatarofbeholding]

This isn’t gonna be organized or anything really, just rambling off some thoughts and theories regarding TMAGP. Spoilers under the cut!

Now I very well could be entirely off on some stuff— I’m still playing catchup with the ARG so if something I say contradicts what was learned there please tell me because I don’t wanna get off on the wrong track. Most of this is going to regard Episodes 4 and 9 with some general observations littered throughout.

So I’ve mostly ascertained that the Manchester Magnus Institute deals primarily in objects and, by association, their affects on the people that come across them (what given the check-list of potential classifications in the ep 9 incident). There’s already been a lot of SCP vibes from the show so far (which I love). I was going back and relistening to the episodes while we’re in the hiatus and I noticed in episode 4 this:

[ALT TEXT IN PHOTO]

Those gamblers dice almost guaranteed have to be the ones from episode 9– at the very least it seems very likely that if this stranger has one cursed object (the violin) that the others he carries around are just as dangerous. I believe the man with the bag in ep 4 could potentially be this universe’s Jonah (though it’s honestly way too early to say— this could also be a Mikaele Salesa situation or just a fully one-off encounter) — or at the very least an avatar that catalyzes the introduction of several of these objects into the lives of innocents/innocents-turned-avatar. I am betting that at least a few of the other objects mentioned in the sack, or something similar, will make a second appearance— perhaps in another MI related incident.

These aren’t the only instances of cursed objects, obviously. Almost the entirety of the incident episode 7 at the “Hilltop Centre” deals with the victim being quite literally overwhelmed by the strange objects brought there. These objects, too, I believe will make second appearances as we move throughout the story. Whatever their purpose, these objects are clearly a focal point to the manifestation of the fear(s) in this universe. (I also find it incredibly curious that, save for the vandalized set of Encyclopaedia Britannica mentioned in 7, there are no Leitners or Leitner equivalents. This may change, though).

I don’t have much to ascertain from these observations save to repeat what I’ve seen a few people theorize here: that the Magnus Institutes interest in fear may have more to do with how it changes and molds people than how it traumatizes them. The level of voyeurism is still there, obviously, but there’s a shift in focus away from simply drinking in fear generally to focusing on how people are changed by fear. The fact that there were known experiments involving children and their connections to the supernatural alone tells us this much.

Now this is where I go a bit off the deep end into pure speculation, but hear me out here. While I believe the Eye is still a clear influence of the Magnus Institute, and perhaps the Institute is a seat of the eye still given episode 1, I believe that the Manchester MI might very well be the seat of the web. Already it’s clear that the fears in this universe are not nearly as distinct as they were in TMA, incidents can rarely if at all be categorised into one of the 14(or 15 depending on your opinion), and I’ve seen more than one person point out the fact that the O.I.A.R. Quite literally DEALS in categorising these incidents down to the smallest, arbitrary detail. The fears may be beginning to pull apart here, but I don’t think it would be entirely out of the question for the Web AND the Eye to have found power within the Manchester MI. Human experimentation (especially psychological) has appeared in at least one Web Statement (see the Avatar-ification of Annabelle), luck and fortune can just as easily be tied to the web (along with gambling and addiction), and the sheer focus on how fear CHANGES and CONTROLS also feels very Web. Already in TMA the Web and the Eye held somewhat of an alliance (or at least as close to an alliance as the Mother of Puppets will let anyone believe), and it was the Eye and the Web that were directly responsible for the transportation of the fears out of the TMA universe and into who knows how many others. Who is to say the pair aren’t bound to each other in this one?

This is a whole lot of rambling that will likely turn out to be more false than true, but it’s just some thoughts I had! If anyone reads and has their own opinions, especially if you disagree, I’d love to hear it.

[croik]

some rambling about TMA

So the first time I listened to TMA, it was as Season 4 was airing, and I stopped after the season was done. Since the sequel’s been announced, I decided to go back to relisten and finally finish, which I did! And overall, I’m really glad I did, because I enjoyed Season 5 and the finale a lot! There’s still so much to love about TMA as a whole, from the acting to the sound design to the statements etc etc. If anyone wants to chat about it hit me up! But in the meantime I’m gonna do the thing where I rate the seasons and chat about them a little.

For me, the seasons from best to worst are 2, 1, 5, 3, 4

Season 2 is just so good. It’s in that good sweet spot where the over arching plot has showed its head but is still mostly mystery. The statements are starting to include repeat characters and call backs. Jon is completely unhinged. I just love getting to the end of a statement and then hearing the extra click, followed by his very furtive “Supplemental.” Even when he doesn’t have much to add, I always look forward to it. Plus this is when we get to hear Gertrude Robinson, the best character!!! Gosh I love Gertrude so much. What a fascinating and bad ass character. Sorry Johnny but your mom is sexy.

Season 1 is of course the OG. I remember not being entirely sold at first because I’m not huge on anthologies, but they sprinkled just enough of the A plot in through the early eps to be really compelling. The first time Jon’s recording got interrupted (by Elias?) was such a good drop and I really looked forward to those moments in the "real world". The season finale could have benefitted from the better sound work of later in the show, but, yeah, of course, right? The first season statements are still some of the most memorable and set up so many intriguing characters and storylines, even if not all of them paid off perfectly.

Season 5 I’m coming to way after the fact, so I’d heard a few things about it going in. I’ll admit my expectations were low. Happily, I enjoyed it a lot! The acting has only gotten better, same with the sfx, and I was a little surprised by how much I liked listening to Jon and Martin just talk about the world. They have a lot of interesting morality and character debates, and the final reveals around Annabelle, the Eye, etc, were very satisfying. I would rate it higher than season 1 except for the very large issue that I just did not enjoy the statements.

I mean, the show has so many statements over the 200 eps, they of course range from legit chilling to kinda lame, but in earlier seasons, a big part of the horror for me came from the disruption of the subject’s lives. We’d get a little setup, and then some poor shmuck had everything taken from them, and either survived traumatized or just plain didn’t make it. Sometimes you’d get a villain point of view! But in season 5, all the statements just bled together for me. There weren’t characters with lives anymore, just snapshots taken in the middle of a never ending horror, with very little context and no conclusion. But even worse, Jon and Martin talk about and treat the statements like an inconvenience. “What, another one?” Martin groans, and Jon apologizes, and they both sigh and go through the chore of giving us the show’s content. It’s a real bummer for me, and I wish they would have treated the statements with more reverence or importance, if they had to exist at all.

Season 3 is a mixed bag for me. On the one hand I like seeing the lore fleshed out. Jon slowly gaining powers is very fun and he gets to meet some really fun side characters (POOR GERRY!) but also some irritating ones (I’m one of those that really couldn’t stand Nikola’s voice). But season 3 also set up a few things I didn’t care for that got cranked up to 11 in season 4: the “I could tell you, but I won’t” play from the villains, and the complete lack of compassion that Jon receives once he starts gaining his powers.

Yes, there’s plenty of reason for Elias to act like he did. But “I’m going to withhold information for literally no reason at all” is something I really hate, and his explanation for it after the fact doesn’t soothe my annoyance with it during relisten. It is just so frustrating, and not in a way that feels like “yes I like hating this antagonist” but in a “the plot demands he doesn’t share too much” way. Then there’s Jon, which brings me to season 4.

Season 4 is the only one that I have to admit I actively disliked. I wanted to listen again because I didn’t remember much from it, and wanted to come into 5 fresh – only to realize that not much happens in 4? The entire season is either A) someone complaining that they don’t know what to do next, or B) someone complaining that they can’t talk to the other characters. If there’s anything more annoying (IMO) than characters refusing to share info for no reason, it’s for the reason of “I’m keeping you safe.” Then there’s Jon. Not to excuse some of his shittier choices, but there were times it was very frustrating bordering on unfair that he took so much of the angst and blame of the other characters. He spends several entire seasons talking about how hard he’s trying to keep hold of his humanity, while gaining almost no sympathy from anyone – just their suspicion and scorn when he falls short. Even Martin (in season 5 mostly) jabs all the time about how spooky and weird he’s become. And he is spooky and weird, but there are so few points in the show where Jon receives honest, unconditional sympathy, and I feel so bad for him. He’s trying really hard! I just want to give him a blanket and some soup, and tell him he did his best.

The bright spot of season 4 though was Jon and Daisy, for sure. I really enjoyed that unexpected friendship, and I felt for Jon in season 5, and his disappointment when they were reunited.

And that’s it, I guess!? TMA is still one of the best horror podcasts around, and I am looking forward to TMP, even if the prospect of more multiverse has me a little wary. If you read all this I hope to see you around fandom <3

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Just an observation

On TMA relisten #1029384718975

Caught this from ep 17, in which our boy Jared Hopworth is introduced:

I’m going to have a discussion with Elias as to what we can do to address the issue [of another Leitner book]. I know he’ll just give me the old “record and study, not interfere or contain” speech again, but I at least need to make him aware of it.

Here's why this is SO important: the Institute isn't Ghostbusters.

They're not Slayers.

They're not out there trying to STOP anything.

The people who got jobs there never intended to get into the thick of things. Even Tim just wanted knowledge so he could go do things on his own.

I think it's important to (a) understand how the Eye works in terms of gathering knowledge but never actually applying it, and (b) how horrifying it is for the kind of people who DO work here - who generally don't get involved, and never wanted to.

Also goes to show what a freakish outlier Gertrude was, ya know?

[go-to-the-mirror]

i think it's absolutely rigged that this episode falls on april fools day actually. APRIL FOOLS! everything is still awful actually

Hi howdy this episode is so sad :( I'm so sad constantly about this episode. this episode. :( can't wait until the FUN season 5 bits where it's like they're GAY and there are so many ANALOGIES! instead we just have to wallow in sadness for a bit. so upset!! aa!!

Anyway yeah, lets go. I think when I listened to it at first I was really upset that I was at the end, like I was thinking "oh no I'm nearly at the end" back with 151. I still haven't listened to goodbye for now because it just makes me really sad that my favourite podded cast is over. I mean, good thing it's not now, but I still don't think I can make myself listen to it. I did put off MAG 200 for a while, and then when I actually did listen to it I immediately read Citrus' (CirrusGrey) fics about it.

Which, speaking of, it's season 5 time!!! Fuck dude it sure is! Not only a relisten, but a reread of all Citrus' fantastic fics!! YEAH!!! Ok, ok, ok, getting on with it now.

@a-mag-a-day

MARTIN You had- rum and raisin, and taught us all about emulsifiers.

He has the ice cream taste of a grandmother. Oh, also, funny story. So, we were getting ice cream, right, and I saw rum and raisin, and I got really upset, because Jon Sims had rum and raisin ice cream, and also the world ended. I don't- everything is a TMA reference with me, once someone asked me to open the door and I started laughing, because Jon Sims opened a door.

It's... very... odd.

JONAH MAGNUS (AS ELIAS) Knock knock.

Killing and maiming. I hate him so much. Die. Fucking die.

JONAH He didn’t have to. Nothing escapes my notice, and I like to keep an eye out for this sort of thing.

This guy is COMICALLY evil. like, not only does he end the world, but he ruins a cake surprise? why is he such a bastard?

ARCHIVIST Uh- thirty-eight.

HE JUST ADDED TEN YEARS ONTO HIS AGE HE'S SO FUCKING STUPID <3

TIM, SASHA, MARTIN (Crosstalk) -Jon. JONAH (Crosstalk) -Archivist.

WHY??? Literally, like, why, why, why is he like this, why, why??? Why did he do that? Why is he such an asshole? Why.

Why.

why.

ARCHIVIST If I wish for you all to go away, do you think it’ll work?

WHY ARE WE GETTING HIT WITH THE DRAMATIC IRONY BUS? WHY? "If I wish for you all to go away, do you think it'll work" STOP NO, WHY, WHYYYY...

it just makes me really sad.

ARCHIVIST I can’t tell you.

Your honour I am holding him gently.

JONAH He wished for a little bit of peace and quiet.

It's one thing to manipulate someone into ending the world, it's quite another to SHARE THEIR WISH? Dude. Why is he like this? This does nothing for him? He has taken one of Jon's only happy memories from working at the hell that's called an archive and twisted it into "oh boy, look at all that pain." For no fucking reason except to be evil. Killing and murder.

MARTIN Oh! Uh, (slight laugh) I mean- I don’t- normally- drink wine, you know- t-tannins are a proven headache trigger, and so-

Ooh! Fun fact! Rooibos tea has low tannin compared to other tea, therefore, Martin drinks rooibos tea, I make the rules.

TIM Oh! Yeah! I- just thought it might be nice, you know, something to look back on when we’re all old and sick of each other.

WHY. WHY. WHY.

"When we're all old and sick of each other" THEYRE NEVER GONNA GET OLD AND SICK OF EACH OTHER THEYRE ALL GOING TO DIE. THEYRE ALREADY DEAD AND THEY DONT EVEN KNOW IT. IM GOING TO CRY NOW.

ARCHIVIST (Crosstalk) (Under his breath) Oh, hypocrite.

I hate that it sounds friendly, like they're getting annoyed at each other in a friendly way, that Jon is friends with Tim and Sasha. Hate it. So much. Headinhands.

TIM (Crosstalk) Alright, alright, fine, look. I’m turning it off. Any last words for your future selves? ARCHIVIST Yes. Fire Tim!

ARHRRHGGGHGH </3

[Pause with clothing rustles]

CLOTHING RUSTLES!!!!! 🏳️‍🌈

ARCHIVIST It’s not- (struggling) you’re not the one who ended the world. (Archivist breath shows he’s close to tears)

Oh my god leave me alone. Stop it! Stop it!! It's just. Like. Christ. Oh my god. Oh my god. I can't even word properly, I just want to give him a hug, I just want him to be okay. Fuck, dude.

Why's jonny such a good voice actorrrr :(

MARTIN Are we still safe? ARCHIVIST Y-Yes. It- It doesn’t want to harm me. MARTIN And me? ARCHIVIST I won’t let it.

I like the way Jon's voice is in the "it doesn't want to harm me." Like it's sort of vaguely hysterical.

ARCHIVIST I’m just- I’m mourning a world I killed- MARTIN (Placating) I know- ARCHIVIST (Increasingly fervent) and we’re all trapped in its rotting corpse!-

I like this bit a lot. I think it's neat. I'm gay and I like rot. I need to read... what was it, thirteen stories I think? That's got the rot. I like the rot. 10/10 on the rot. Like hnmmn what Jane Prentiss says about the dead god, a world that was alive, was sentient, now dead, rotting with maggots and flies all over it, flesh squishy and yielding but also firm at the same time like a bruised apple, trapped on an actually dead corpse of a world.

That would be neat!!

ARCHIVIST Can you imagine? If we’d had this? MARTIN But we didn’t though, did we. ARCHIVIST No— MARTIN So there’s no point in dwelling.

ooOOOoooh title drop

but also... </3 like he could have kept them. he could have not done that. he could have not put the fucking solution to everything right after it becomes moot.

stabbing.

ARCHIVIST Healthy? I am an Avatar of voyeuristic terror, who unquestioned craving for knowledge has condemned the entire world to an eternity of torment; healthy i-isn’t- i,it’s not

I've written this so much on like every test, it lives in my mind rent free, it's hhnrnhrnnh holding it gently <3 like i don't even know what to say, this is a far cry from the whole mag 160 thing where it lived in my head rent free and so does a lot of words about it, here it's just... a lot of reaction images.

ARCHIVIST Why not? It- It’s quiet, here, and I have you.

ARHGHHGHHH

<333

ARCHIVIST No, it’s- I love you, I just— I need more time.

headinhands (good)

AND ALRIGHT CITRUS' FIC FOR TODAY IS SEVEN SLEEPS! WHICH I REALLY LIKE IT AND ITS JUST LIKE ITS JUST LIKE I KNEW WHAT I WAS SIGNING UP FOR, I KNEW WHAT THE OUTCOME WOULD BE, I KNEW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN. and like the whole bloody season it's just like it's just :( CITRUS ::::(((

read it. it's so good.

[dykeyote]

question because i have seen you tma post a bit: do you have thoughts on jonathan sims archivist of the magnus institute london (or anyone else)

barring that how do you feel about cecil kanagawa because i’m trying to get into penumbra a bit

FUNNIEST anon ask ever because idk if you know ths about me but i spent all of 2020 centering my entire personality around jon sims and all of 2021 centering my entire personality around cecil kanagawa . so yes . you could say im a fan of their work

more particularly i find jon delightful im not suuuupes into tma nowadays but i am quite fond of that little freak and whenever i think about said freak too hard i go spiralling downwards into a deep depression because i am so clinically insane about that fucker . 10/10 character

cecil kanagawa is PEAK character tho hes genuinely so fucking delightful i love that fucking idiot he made me transgender so i owe him my life . hes actually kinda fascinating is the thing like when youve thought abt him as much as i have (during said 2021 period and also whenever he randomly takes up shop in my mind again) you realize he is actually kinda deeply interesting and really sad but you dont have to be depressed thinking abt him bc he is also the worlds stupidest guy and is sooo funny but also he is objectively quite impressive and intelligent but also hes maaybe insane and has made some of the worst decisions ever . now thats versatility . he can serve anything . also love that hes a disabled trans guy who is without a doubt evil and insane and has committed horrible crimes but also too pathetic and silly for it to be like demonization . thousand out of ten character i started relistening to murderous mask today cant wait to get to his freak self

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 166 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: cutting the Kolkwitzia amabilis in my garden.

MARTIN: "What happened back there? What you did to Sa–" [HE CUTS HIMSELF OFF.] [A PAUSE.] JON: "Go on. Say it." Oh no. Oh god, does Jon think that Martin thinks it was his fault that Sasha died?

HELEN: "Oh, goodness. You see what you’ve done to the poor boy, John? He’s coming to me for clear answers." Oh Helen really knows how to get under one's skin.

HELEN: (giggle) "It’s very satisfying though, isn’t it? Teasing out vague information? You see why Elias got a kick out of it." Oh fuuuck, and now she's comparing him to Elias? Jon really is straight up not having a good time..

TMA usually is super vague, but I'm actually happy we got an explanation how the smiting works. Does sound plausible, I’d say. But also, this explanation about there only being watcher and watched should have got Martin's gears to turn. They are not victims of a domain. So they have to be watchers.

MARTIN: "Sure. Okay, that’s – I mean, that’s really not that complicated, John; I don’t see why you were being so coy about it –" JON: (overlapping) "Because I’m ashamed, Martin." [SLIGHT PAUSE.] MARTIN: "Ashamed?!" JON: "Yes! Ashamed of the fact that I just – destroyed the world and have been rewarded for it, the fact that – I can walk safe through all this horror I’ve created like a… fucking tourist, destroying whoever I please. The fact that I… enjoyed it, and… the fact that there are so many others that I want to revenge myself on!" Why does everything in TMA feel so natural!! There is so much bad and boring writing out there, every time something very logical happens it makes me super excited xD  So yap. It's super understandable that he's ashamed of all of this. Especially since we know how he actually feels about this revenging stuff. His anger says “do it!”, but his logic says “It’s not gonna do anything”..

MARTIN: "…No; No, I actually think you’re good on that front." JON: "What?" MARTIN: "Yeah, I, I, I think we should go for it, get our murder on!" Martin, when he only remotely tastes power xD

MARTIN: "f you want to stop them and have the power to, then – then, then yeah, let’s do it, let’s go full Kill Bill!" JON: "I – I, I haven’t seen it." Laughed so hard at this xD Of course he is deflecting.

HELEN: "Oh, Martin, I am so proud of you. Can I come?" JON & MARTIN: (in unison) "No." HELEN: "So that’s a strong “maybe” then?" Asgdsdfjkdf, Helen can also be so funny! One of those characters I hate and love!

MARTIN: "Do you need anything?" [JON EXHALES.] JON: "No." Love that Martin checks in with him there. He has been a bit dismissive of Jon's feelings about this whole situation.

Yeah, that statement does nothing to me, neither terror nor excitement. As far as I understand it, it's more about the financial part of the Buried. About the pressure of the society we live in, ever trapped in bullshit jobs with only ever a glint of the prospect of escape and there is no use in fighting others like us (that second worm part) cause if we win against them, we’re stuck exactly where we were before.

"The rains fall here as they do so many places in this new world. Thick and oily drops that taste of bitter salt, torrential tears plummeting from the watching sky, thumping and squelching onto the thirsty soil in which the worms writhe painfully towards a surface that does not want them." That is a gross image!

"How do you fight, when you cannot move beyond the slowest inching crawl, without limbs or weapons or the kinetic force of violence? You do it slowly, pressing, biting, tearing gradually through each other until at the very end, one of you is still." There is a very horrifying animatic of this part of the statement, it's called "The Worms (Magnus Archives Fan Animation)”.

JON: "God, I hate the Buried." Mh, he was there once...

That phone's got to be a Nokia 3310, right? XD It is the Nokia ringtone after all!

ANNABELLE: "He’s more powerful here than he’s ever been, isn’t he? And you’re not sure what that means for you." [THE BRIEFEST OF PAUSES. MARTIN INHALES SHAKILY.] MARTIN: "I’m hanging up now." ANNABELLE: "Does he even need you at all?" That part about "you're not sure what that means for you" is actually something I could relate to. Especially in a relationship this young and under extremely high stress levels. Shared trauma and being in the same life-threatening situation can create incredibly strong bonds. Being in that same boat. But how life-threatening is it actually for them? Aside from his guilt and post trauma, Jon is very much fine in this new world. Still, not sure what Annabelle wanted to achieve with this, she does mention it to have been "clumsy", so yeah.

[THE PREVIOUSLY-HOWLING THINGS IN THE BURIED – LIKELY THE WORMS FAR BELOW – HOWL AGAIN, INSISTENTLY.] MARTIN: "I know, right?" Adflkdhfs, this episode has some great comedy!

@a-mag-a-day