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tundrainafrica · 4 years

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Title: Trials and Tributes (5/5)

Summary:

"There were witches who lived among them. Or so that's what Levi was told. He just could not believe for the life of him that she'd be one of them."

Levi is a soldier who interrogates witches before they are put on trial and Hange might just be a witch.

Levihan Secret Santa Gift for @cleacourgette

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Link to other chapters: 1 2 3 4

Notes: And.... It’s done. Merry Christmas and a happy new year! I hope you enjoyed the gift ;)

Levi was not one to underestimate the powers of pubs particularly the ones strategically placed on crossroads. Being a place where people relaxed after a long day, a place that prided itself in being constantly changing and completely unpredictable, it was an oasis of both free flowing drinks and free flowing information.

Levi was there for the latter.

From there, he figured out the whereabouts of his uncle overtime. Kenny the Ripper. An assassin for hire who travelled through the southern lands taking down both drug lords and nobles for a fee. He had grown up with the man and had been trained with the bow and arrow and the knives. Kenny the Ripper described in the stories could not be anyone else.

Spending his nights there, he had also figured out the relatively backward society of his homeland especially when compared to the land down south. Witchcraft was something more feared in the cities and towns up north, possibly due to the characteristic religiousness that came with their culture. It could have possibly been due to the amount of power given to the religious authorities in his own country as well.

Five years into his exile Levi had settled for frequenting a pub located on a crossroad, a week’s journey away from the mountain path where he and Erwin had separated more than a decade back. Although he had learned a new language, new customs and adapted a new name, Levi never did forget his life up north. His nights were still haunted by the dreams of Hange on the pyre and the lives he had taken in a frenzy.

Sometimes his dreams were merciful and he would find himself back in the cabin so many years ago listening to rambles over tea. Even the happy dreams though left Levi a bit teary-eyed as he would yearn for the life he lived long ago. In the end though, he started to realize he just wanted to see Hange again.

Hange is ahead of our time. An extraordinary person, born into a society that rejects the extraordinary. Erwin’s words would echo in his head as he lay awake at night. With nothing much else to ponder alone in a dark room at night, Levi found himself worrying about her. Was she sleeping well? Eating well? Had Erwin failed to defend her at court? Was she still able to practice her crazy experiments and mess up some kitchenware in the process?

There were only two ways to find answers. He could go back to the capital and risk death. Or he could strategically frequent pubs for information. The realist in Levi that had only grown a little more influential over the years compelled him to decide on the latter.

The pieces of information Levi had gotten came in small words and sentences, comments and opinions. It required him to piece available information together while settling contradictions that surfaced by gathering more information. He rarely asked anyone directly, saving those cards for when he really needed them. He could still have been a high profile criminal and he risked being recognized and thus, would usually settle for listening in an inconspicuous corner of the pub.

With all the cards lined up against him, Levi was only able to complete the puzzle a decade later. The last piece came one night when a messenger came in to announce the abdication of the crown and the pub exploded into cheers.

“Who’s the new ruling family?”

“The noble family Reiss will be taking the throne.”

A transfer of power was always big news. As Levi listened, he realized he wasn’t too surprised. Among the information he had gotten from his nights in the pub, he had heard of power vacuums and civil unrest which all resulted from a mysterious tragedy decades ago when the nobles had attempted to burn a witch at stake. The theories that had stemmed from that incident with time had made their way to the countries down south.

The devil had rejected the current ruling class. The religious theorized.

The empty seats of power only made it easier for their enemies to usurp. The more secular supporters inferred.

The shift in power dynamics and the fear and unrest among the working class only made it more difficult for the church and the remaining nobility to clamp down on their poor. The decade long political battle culminated into a usurpation of the throne and the reinstallment of a noble family with more secular views and a more blatant distrust on the church and its influence.

Secular views? Levi was sure Erwin was involved. He had felt it then, at the foot of the moment before he had crossed the border, as Erwin recounted his own views on their society. He also knew Erwin would not have taken something as heavy and political as the usurpation of a throne lightly.

Somehow, he felt a weight disappear off his shoulders when others had started to discuss the crimes of the church and their own doubts about religion forced onto them. Was the world Erwin was talking about actually coming?

Levi was aware that he was still a wanted criminal. With the change in power and the possible changes in the society that were bound to follow though, he deemed the risk of entering the country in his current state worth taking.

He decided to go home.

Trials and Tributes

“I knew you’d be back.” Erwin broke the silence in the room.

Levi had entered the city quietly many times before and had managed to avoid attention from many of its inhabitants. He never did figure out whether it was because everyone had forgotten the face of the rogue soldier from the incident a decade ago or because he had just assimilated into the crowds too well.

He had entered Erwin’s office through the window his superior had always left open, intending to wait for the right moment to speak. It turned out Erwin had noticed him first, even behind the shadows.

“How long has it been?” Levi asked. It was just like Erwin to keep a close eye on the shadows.

“Ten years since we last met. Two years since the Reiss family took the throne.” Erwin answered. Two answers for one question.

The journey back to the capital had taken Levi a few weeks give or take. He had lost count of the days, having been too focused on getting back as soon as he could while avoiding attention. “Has anything changed since then?” Levi asked. He knew two years was a long time, enough for some major changes to happen.

“We haven’t had witch trials in years. The nobles and the church had been too busy fighting. But the Reiss family is working to ban witch trials completely. They have plans of drafting a magna carta based on those created by the countries down south so it looks like we might actually be transitioning into a new era.”

“That’s good.” There was not much to say. He knew at least that those two words were genuine.

“I’m surprised you haven’t asked about her yet.”

When Erwin had pointed it out, Levi became a little more self aware and consequently, surprised that she hadn’t been the first thing he had asked about. Maybe he had just been a little too surprised at how the city had changed. It had become a little cleaner. It harbored an atmosphere of hope more than an atmosphere of fear. When he first entered Erwin’s room, he had also noticed there were two new bookshelves filled to the brim with books. His desk and chair were both gone and in that corner, a cupboard lay instead. As Levi figured out soon enough, it was filled with books and documents as well.

For a second, he might have forgotten about her. Or maybe he hadn’t. As he further reflected on his thoughts, he realized he was thinking about her. His thoughts of her lay in the hope that had bubbled through him as he navigated his way through the city. That subtle reminder that she probably would have enjoyed the conversations he had overheard among the townspeople --- political speculations and the occasional scientific speculations on strategic farming methods and healing methods. He had allowed himself a few seconds to consider as well the coming of a new era, an age where people like Hange could thrive. And possibly that was what had led to that instinctive first question.

“She must be alive then if you’re so eager to talk about her.” Is she alive? Levi had phrased his question as a statement, as if it could erase all doubts that she could have died in his ten years away from home.

“We keep in touch. Sometimes she visits.”

Levi needed a second to recover from that strong wave of relief that rushed through him. He only noticed his hand was shaking when he brought it up to his eyes to catch any tears that might make their way out he tried to bite them all back. Erwin did not comment on that at least.

“You should go see her. She asks about you every time.”

“What do you say when she asks?”

Erwin shook his head. “I didn’t know where you were. What else could I say? I think she’s sharp enough to tell though that you were the witch--- the rogue soldier everyone was talking about.”

“Do people still talk about it? The incident ten years ago? The rogue soldier?”

Erwin shook his head. “With your actions, all you’ve done is make the usurpation of the throne possible. I don’t think anyone is in a hurry to arrest you now.” He gave Levi a wry smile. “Maybe they’ll even treat you to dinner.”

It was an attempt at humor. Both men silently agreed that the best option would still be to remain low key. Even if Levi weren’t a witch, he was still a murderer after all.

In the end he didn’t mind. It felt like he had lived a lifetime already in those past twenty years. He was raring to see Hange. As he rode up north though, he made no deliberate effort to go faster.

Seeing the familiar landscape along the familiar road to his hometown was a constant reminder that he was on his way home. His body had probably taken that as a sign to prepare him for rest and twenty years worth of aches and fatigue made itself known to him gradually over the long ride.

It was only through those discomforts did he realize he never did have a place to call home the past ten years, having taken odd jobs, having jumped from inn to inn and pub to pub.

The forest where the old cabin he grew up in was on the way to the village and just like always, a five minute ride away, he was sure he would find Hange’s old cabin-turned-apothecary. His cabin stood a little older than the trees around it. Levi had to note that the green that surrounded the cabin, framing it as if it were only a painting, were as green and as fresh as they looked decades ago.

Nature is timeless. Levi found himself admiring it while reminiscing about his childhood. The trees around him and the grass below served as a time capsule.

And it was a time capsule he was eager to open. He dismounted his horse, wanting to feel the grass beneath him as he walked.

He closed his eyes as he walked. With that, he was able to pretend he was a kid again, practicing the art of sneaking while Kenny was away. He let out a quiet laugh in the form of a playful smile and a tiny exhale as he imagined how he had been much noisier as he moved through the taller grass years ago.

Oh, how times have changed. A mocking comment aimed towards the younger self that resided within him.

The large field of grass he silently navigated through should have led to the beginnings of Hange's herb garden. The long weeds around him though opened up to a large tract of land of only bare soil.

That was what snapped Levi out of his trance. For a second, he had assumed that he had taken the wrong path. He wished that were the reason. He was about to look back and retrace his steps when he noticed the cabin at the end of the yards of bare soil in front of him.

Hange’s cabin. With that, he was pulled further and further out of his daydream and into the reality in front of him. He wasn't a kid. In fact, he was already a good number of years past thirty.

It's been 20 years. Of course the world would have changed. He at least attempted to reassure himself. Words were far from reassuring though, overshadowed by the fact that the cabin in front of him looked abandoned, the fields around him bare.

He could have sworn there were rows and rows of herbs there only a decade before. He left his horse out and rushed into the cabin. The dark was easily broken open. In fact as he had pushed it in, it fell out of its hinges.

Hange would have gotten mad if she were here.

If she still lived here. The beds, the table and the kitchen were just like he had last seen it years ago. In fact, they looked to be in a worse state. Levi felt his heart drop as he saw them abandoned and worn. It was impossible to reminisce given the state of the cabin. Or maybe it was impossible because of the state of his mind then. His mind was grappling for answers.

He found lightly jumping on the stool, ignoring the creaks of protest from the chair below him, surveying the contents of all the dilapidated shelves around the room. They were all empty from top to bottom.

“Where’s Hange?” He had said it aloud. A part of him somehow believed someone would answer yet all he received in return were weak echoes.

Erwin did not give him an exact address when Levi had met him in the capital. He had mentioned sending the letters to the post office on the square was more than enough. A messenger would send it to Hange and Erwin still got his replies. Hange was always the one who visited the capital so there was never any need to know her exact address.

There was another question Levi should have asked though. How long had it been since Erwin had last talked to her?

Levi ended up scolding himself for not even asking such an important question. He mounted his horse and galloped towards the direction of the village. His body continued to protest the rough movements of the gallop on his battered body since he had been riding for a lot more than a day already.

He treated the pain and a discomfort though as a punishment. A punishment for so carelessly assuming she would be okay.

His next stop was the center of town, or maybe the pub. Like always, that was the best place to get questions answered. Levi rode quickly, ignoring the houses that dotted the fields that only became more and more frequent as he followed the path.

There were more houses than before. There were more children playing outside. He could hear it in the laughters and the voices that somehow made their way to his ears despite the loud galloping from underneath him. He chose to ignore all of them.

Only one thing would make him stop. Only Hange.

Or any sign at least to where she might be. And as he neared the village, the sign made itself known as the distinct scent that carried too many memories.

Levi had the nose for it. He had smelled it too many times to know. If he had been a little more eloquent, maybe he would have even been able to recount the journey it made, recount the way his mind processed the scent from the fruits to the flowers then to the cold wind that rushed up his nose despite it being a warm afternoon.

It only got stronger and stronger as he followed the path. He quickened his pace further until he reached the center of town where it was impossible to gallop without risking running someone over.

Somehow, the scent remained unyielding, despite the other stimuli threatening to overshadow it. As he rode through town, he kept his head down, relying instead on the cobblestone streets to lead him to the right direction. He could hear multiple conversations at once, not bothering to make sense of them. He stayed focused on the scent.

His other senses only got stronger as the scent got stronger though. Levi soon realized he was just getting more alert for any signs of where it was and how it would manifest itself then.

“Can you show me your magic again?”

“It’s not magic Anna... It’s just nature.”

"Show me your nature trick then!"

"Fine, let's go back to the house. Not here where it's too crowded."

He was hearing a hundred conversations at once but somehow, that conversation stood out. He had instinctively looked toward the general direction where he had heard them. It had taken him a few minutes to follow the voices, having kept a record of it engraved in his head. He recognized the voice and he found himself repeating that last sentence in his head as he scanned the crowd of people.

Levi though had instinctively settled for looking through the areas with larger crowds of people towards the center of town and maybe the main square. If he had been sharper about it, he probably would have traced the conversation to the garden on the little corner, at the back of what used to be the pub.

He had ended up wasting an hour more than necessary, the voice and the conversation long gone from his mind. He settled for going to the pub, or at least where he remembered it to be.

The pub of decades ago was replaced by a quaint house which could have been owned by anyone. It could have been from a sense of duty or a bout of nostalgia but somehow, Levi felt the need to investigate. He followed the narrow road which would lead him to the back of the pub, further spurred on by the scent that resurfaced as he got further away from the bustle of the town center. The narrow road opened up to green fields and as Levi soon realized, that green field was an the herb garden stretched for yards or maybe even hectares, much bigger than what he had stumble upon so many years ago. He had to note that the herbs had dividers. An oddly calming improvement.

“Watch.”

He turned around instinctively at the gasps of surprise. Hange was there and just like the many years ago, her hand was on fire.

Her hand was on fire. He would have panicked, if he didn’t see the way she had playfully smiled at the kids.

“Don’t try this at home.”

“But how did you do it?” One of the kids asked.

“I showed you before right? If you try to mix the oil and the water, the oil rises to the top. If I wet my hand like this…” She dipped her hand in a bowl and put it over the flame of the candle. “I can hold the fire.”

“Why isn’t it hot?”

“The water cools my skin and the fire has to make the oil evaporate before it reaches the water.”

“Can I try?” One of the children attempted to dip her hand into the mixture.

“No, not yet. You might get burned. I got burned the first time I tried it.”

That same child pouted then sighed in disappointment. “Can you do it again?”

Levi watched silently as she did the trick again. That same trick from ten years ago. She played with the flame of her hand, holding it like a pet the same way she had done ten years ago. and somehow, Levi realized her eerie smile then was the same smile she was giving the children then.

He had the luxury of time to observe her closely and carefully and as he realized soon enough, her smile was far from creepy. In fact, the smile she gave them was complemented by her eyes which held the same wonder he had seen them hold so many times before.

He could have sat on his horse all day just watching. In fact, he wanted to. He was also in too much pain to have been able to move from his spot.

The scent that wafted through the air was strong. Levi was very much certain then that it was that same scent he had been following the past few hours

Following the scent had only brought him back to her.

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting on the horse. Eventually though, Hange did notice he was there. He relished everything from the look of surprise she had given as she made eye contact with him, the way she would shake her head, look away then look back at him and the fact she had repeated that a comical number of times.

Levi couldn’t help but smile. He had done the same thing so many times before when faced with his own mirages, his own tricks of the eye fueled by the longing that had plagued him during his time in the south. He had seen too many tall brunettes that could have just been Hange if he didn’t look too closely.

Finally, when she was satisfied with the amount of times she had blinked and shook her head, she stood up from her stool and walked towards him.

“You can get off your horse now.”

It turned out all he needed to lose his inhibitions and collapse in exhaustion was any sign that she was near. Her voice and her touch were more than enough. He closed his eyes as he felt her arms around her.

I’m home. I can rest. How long since he had felt that?

Teacher, who’s that?

An old friend.

Really? Why are you blushing?

He awoke again to that same scent. It wafted through the air but at the same time he could feel it as a cool wind soothing his aching joints. He couldn't help but be grateful that the ache had dulled though and as he took stock of the scents and the feelings on his joints, he started to understand why.

"You didn't really catch a rest huh? How long have you been on your horse?" Hange’s voice was distant.

As he looked to his side, he saw Hange on her work bench, looking focused on something. "Didn't count..." He answered.

She stood up from her place on the bench and settled on a chair by his bedside. “It's morning now. You slept for more than half a day."

“Maybe I did see the sun set then rise a few times,” Levi admitted. "The oil you were burning then, that’s the same thing you put on me?” He asked in an attempt to digress.

Hange nodded. "I use it a lot now,” she said.

"Why?"

"It’s useful....It makes a good fire and it smells so good I think of you." A second later, Hange blushed and looked away, possibly at the realization of what she had just said. “I mean I made it for you of course I’d think of you.”

Levi reached for her hand and lightly pulled it towards himself, willing her to look at him again. "I like the smell. Actually, I liked it so much I followed it here and it brought me to you." That was something he probably would have regretted saying any other day. At that moment though, his only goal was to placate the already flustered Hange in front of him.

His attempt looked to be somewhat successful. She still seemed a little unsure but the toothy grin she gave him was an improvement at least. "I told you before, don't underestimate your sense of smell." Hange leaned over on the bed next to him and with that the scent only got stronger.

With that, their faces were only a few inches away from each other and Levi suddenly felt the need to cover that small distance. His neck was protesting that action though. It turned out his body still ached from his long journey.

"So I guess it was a good idea that I burned the oil every night.” Hange chuckled. “It was a long shot but I thought maybe you'd recognize it."

"You assumed I’d be back?”

“I had faith we’d meet again.” As she said it Hange covered that distance and their two lips met in one natural yet magical kiss. So magical that Levi felt it consume him, and warm him up from his lips to the tips of his toes. It tickled his throat and as he pulled away, he ended up letting out that deep breath he didn’t even know he was holding in.

All phenomena should have a scientific explanation. Hange has the analysis and deduction skills to figure them out.

Levi had wanted to ask here about it, about the way that kiss had shook him inside and out, leaving him giddy and almost shaking. He looked to her to see that she was also as surprised. She was blushing and not at all like she was in the mood to explain anything.

Or maybe she didn’t have an explanation for it. He thought as he saw the face she had made. Her eyes were wide and for a second, she was frozen on her spot before she quickly pulled away. Then it must be magic?

Logical reasoning brought him back to the conclusion that he had made so many times before. Maybe she is a witch.

Even if she were though, he didn’t care. That glimmer of magic he had felt at that moment would be his little secret.

Our little secret. Levi was quick to correct himself. He was sure she had felt it too after all.

#levihan #levi ackerman #hange zoe #fanfic

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newstfionline · 3 years

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Friday, June 4, 2021

America’s Biggest Companies (Fortune) Fortune magazine released its annual ranking of America’s largest companies, with Walmart topping the list for the ninth straight year. Boosted by the pandemic-driven consumer shift to online and bulk purchasing, the retail behemoth brought in nearly $560B in revenue. The company was followed by Amazon ($386B in revenue), Apple ($275B), CVS Health ($269B), and UnitedHealth Group ($257B). The combined list generated almost $14T in revenue last year—about two-thirds of the US economy.

Drought ravages California’s reservoirs ahead of hot summer (AP) Each year Lake Oroville helps water a quarter of the nation’s crops, sustain endangered salmon beneath its massive earthen dam and anchor the tourism economy of a Northern California county that must rebuild seemingly every year after unrelenting wildfires. But now the mighty lake—a linchpin in a system of aqueducts and reservoirs in the arid U.S. West that makes California possible—is shrinking with surprising speed amid a severe drought, with state officials predicting it will reach a record low later this summer. While droughts are common in California, this year’s is much hotter and drier than others, evaporating water more quickly from the reservoirs and the sparse Sierra Nevada snowpack that feeds them. The state’s more than 1,500 reservoirs are 50% lower than they should be this time of year, according to Jay Lund, co-director of the Center for Watershed Sciences at the University of California-Davis. If Lake Oroville falls below 640 feet (195 meters)—which it could do by late August—state officials would shut down a major power plant for just the second time ever because of low water levels, straining the electrical grid during the peak demand of the hottest part of the summer.

Miami Faces the Hard Choices of Climate Change (NYT) Three years ago, not long after Hurricane Irma left parts of Miami underwater, the federal government embarked on a study to find a way to protect the vulnerable South Florida coast from deadly and destructive storm surge. Already, no one likes the answer. Build a wall, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers proposed in its first draft of the study, now under review. Six miles of it, in fact, mostly inland, running parallel to the coast through neighborhoods—except for a one-mile stretch right on Biscayne Bay, past the gleaming sky-rises of Brickell, the city’s financial district. The dramatic $6 billion proposal remains tentative and at least five years off. But the startling suggestion of a massive sea wall up to 20 feet high cutting across beautiful Biscayne Bay was enough to jolt some Miamians to attention: The hard choices that will be necessary to deal with the city’s many environmental challenges are here, and few people want to face them. The trouble is that the magnitude of the interconnected obstacles the region faces can feel overwhelming, and none of the possible solutions are cheap, easy or pretty.

A deadly vote (Washington Post) TAXCO, Mexico—Mario Figueroa sat in his armored SUV, surrounded by bodyguards clutching semiautomatic rifles. The bulletproof vest was stashed behind the back seat. These days, Figueroa rarely travels without his security team. As a candidate for mayor of this Spanish colonial city—once popular with American tourists, now lashed by drug violence—the 53-year-old businessman has already taken a bullet in the chest. Mexico is in the final days of one of its most violent electoral campaigns in modern times. Eighty-nine politicians have been killed since September, according to the security consulting firm Etellekt. Scores more have been wounded or threatened. The campaign has become a stark illustration of crime organizations’ quest to expand their control of Mexico’s territory. The violence has focused largely on races for mayor and other local government posts. “They want control of the police, control of public works projects, the budget, and illicit activities,” said Marcial Rodríguez Saldaña, the state leader of Morena, the party of President Andrés Manuel López Obrador. “We’ve reached an extreme,” Figueroa said.

US troops storm sunflower oil factory in Bulgaria (Foreign Policy) The owner of a sunflower oil factory in Bulgaria has taken legal action after U.S. soldiers accidentally stormed his business during a NATO training exercise. The mix-up occurred while soldiers were simulating the clearing of an airfield in southern Bulgaria, and continued on to Marin Dimitrov’s factory, where workers watched on as gun-wielding soldiers stalked through the premises. The incident has led to a rebuke from the highest levels with Bulgarian President Rumen Radev calling it “absolutely unacceptable.” “We always learn from these exercises and are fully investigating the cause of this mistake,” the U.S. embassy in Sofia said in a statement.

Beijing Introduces Three-Child Policy (Foreign Policy) On Monday, China announced that married couples would be allowed to have up to three children, raising the official two-child limit in a widely anticipated move. Despite government hopes, the introduction of the two-child policy in 2016 failed to produce a baby boom. It’s unlikely the latest policy change will affect China’s fertility rate, either. The public has responded with mocking contempt toward the idea that government restraints have held parents back from having more children, rather than the exorbitant costs of child rearing in China—from migrant families forced to pay fees for local public schools to upper-class parents who fear their children will fall behind without flute or calligraphy lessons. So why keep a limit on the number of children a couple can have at all? One reason is to provide cover for the ongoing forced sterilization of the Uyghur minority in Xinjiang, whose birthrate fell by nearly 50 percent between 2017 and 2020. Another is that China now has an enormous family planning bureaucracy that supports many jobs. Party leaders may also be concerned that the rich flaunting large families—such as late Macao casino tycoon Stanley Ho, known for his four wives and 17 children—would spark resentment.

Lebanese leaders exchange barbs as country sinks into crisis (AP) Lebanon’s president and prime minister-designate traded barbs Wednesday, accusing one another of obstruction, negligence and insolence in a war or words that has for months obstructed the formation of a new government as the country sinks deeper into economic and financial crisis. The power struggle between the premier-designate, Saad Hariri, on one side and President Michel Aoun and his son-in-law Gebran Bassil on the other, has worsened despite warnings from world leaders and economic experts of the dire economic conditions tiny Lebanon is facing. The World Bank on Tuesday said Lebanon’s crisis is one of the worst the world has seen in the past 150 years. In a late night burst of anger, protesters blocked main roads in Beirut and north of the capital. A young activist told a local TV station the protest was against the constant humiliation of Lebanese who line up to fill their cars with fuel, increasing power cuts, search for medicine and deal with confused banking decisions that are robbing thousands of their savings. The Lebanese pound, pegged to the dollar for 30 years at 1,507, has been in a free fall since late 2019. It is now trading at nearly 13,000 to the dollar at the black market.

Netanyahu opponents reach coalition deal to oust Israeli PM (AP) Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s opponents announced Wednesday that they have reached a deal to form a new governing coalition, paving the way for the ouster of the longtime Israeli leader. The dramatic announcement by opposition leader Yair Lapid and his main coalition partner, Naftali Bennett, came shortly before a midnight deadline and prevented what could have been Israel’s fifth consecutive election in just over two years. The agreement still needs to be approved by the Knesset, or parliament, in a vote that is expected to take place early next week. If it goes through, Lapid and a diverse array of partners that span the Israeli political spectrum will end Netanyahu’s record-setting but divisive 12-year rule. Netanyahu, desperate to remain in office while he fights corruption charges, is expected to do everything possible in the coming days to prevent the new coalition from taking power. If he fails, he will be pushed into the opposition. (Foreign Policy) While a new government is not yet set in stone, normal business carries on: Benny Gantz arrives in Washington today to request $1 billion in emergency military aid in order to replenish Israel’s Iron Dome defenses and help restock its bomb supply following the bombardment of Gaza. “I would imagine that the administration would say yes to this request and it will sail through Congress,” Senator Lindsey Graham said on Tuesday.

In Syria camp, forgotten children are molded by IS ideology (AP) At the sprawling al-Hol camp in northeast Syria, children pass their days roaming the dirt roads, playing with mock swords and black banners in imitation of Islamic State group militants. Few can read or write. For some, the only education is from mothers giving them IS propaganda. It has been more than two years since the Islamic State group’s self-declared “caliphate” was brought down. And it has been more than two years that some 27,000 children have been left to languish in al-Hol camp, which houses families of IS members. Most of them not yet teenagers, they are spending their childhood in a limbo of miserable conditions with no schools, no place to play or develop, and seemingly no international interest in resolving their situation. Only one institution is left to mold them: remnants of the Islamic State group. Kurdish authorities and aid groups fear the camp will create a new generation of militants. They are pleading with home countries to take the women and children back. The problem is that home governments often see the children as posing a danger rather than as needing rescue.

‘Come On In, Boys’: A Wave of the Hand Sets Off Spain-Morocco Migrant Fight (NYT) Daouda Faye, a 25-year-old migrant from Senegal, was elated when he heard that Moroccan border guards had suddenly started waving in undocumented migrants across the border to Ceuta, a fenced-off Spanish enclave on the North African coast. “‘Come on in, boys,’” the guards told him and others as they reached the border on May 17, Mr. Faye said. Normally, Morocco tightly controls the fenced borders around Ceuta, a six-mile-long peninsula on Morocco’s northern coast that Spain has governed since the 1600s. But now its military was allowing migrants into this toehold of Europe. Over the next two days, as many as 12,000 people flowed over the border to Ceuta in hopes of reaching mainland Spain, engulfing the city of 80,000. The crisis has laid bare the unique pressure point Morocco has over Spain on migration. Spanish government officials and other experts say Morocco increasingly sees the migrants as a kind of currency and is leveraging its control over them to extract financial and political prizes from Spain. Hours after the migrants began pouring into Ceuta, Spain approved 30 million euros, about $37 million, in aid to Morocco for border policing.

A Military Drone With A Mind Of Its Own Was Used In Combat, U.N. Says (NPR) Military-grade autonomous drones can fly themselves to a specific location, pick their own targets and kill without the assistance of a remote human operator. Such weapons are known to be in development, but until recently there were no reported cases of autonomous drones killing fighters on the battlefield. Now, a United Nations report about a March 2020 skirmish in the military conflict in Libya says such a drone, known as a lethal autonomous weapons system—or LAWS—has made its wartime debut. But the report does not say explicitly that the LAWS killed anyone. The assault came during fighting between the U.N.-recognized Government of National Accord and forces aligned with Gen. Khalifa Haftar, according to the report by the U.N. Panel of Experts on Libya. “Logistics convoys and retreating [Haftar-affiliated forces] were subsequently hunted down and remotely engaged by the unmanned combat aerial vehicles or the lethal autonomous weapons systems such as the STM Kargu-2 ... and other loitering munitions,” the panel wrote. The Kargu-2 is an attack drone made by the Turkish company STM that can be operated both autonomously and manually and that purports to use “machine learning” and “real-time image processing” against its targets.

#headlines #news

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clevercatchphrase · 4 years

Text

2020 Year Review~

2020. Pretty unique year, don’t you think? It’s the first year since 2002 to have only two different digits in it. After 2022, this won’t happen again until 2111. Yep. Absolutely nothing more interesting than that.

Anyway! It’s time I reflect on my 2020, look back on my yearly goals and rant about things that happened to me this year. I made a post like this last year, where I went over my 2019 goals and talked about what I accomplished and what I didn’t, and it’s only fitting I do the same again this year. Read more under the cut for a random stream of consciousness ramble!

So, first things first, let’s look at my 2019 goals;

Finish paying off that last student loan

Put more stuff on my redbubble

Illustrate my own fan fics

Sew at least one stuffed animal

Make an enamel pin

Read one new book a month

Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic

Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make

Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch

Boost my patreon

Paying Off My Last Student Loan: Going down the list, I am proud to say that I FINALLY paid off all my student loans! (and not a moment too soon. The last payment I made was literally days before the first quarantine rolled out). It took me roughly 4 years on my part-time paycheck to pay off all my loans, and once I finished, I had no money to my name (literally; I had less than 1k as emergency money in case of car troubles or health issues). Heck, I’m STILL living at home as a save up for a place of my own. Finally paying off all my student loans DID activate my secret 2020 new year’s resolution, which was to adopt a cat! I did this too, literally a week later! She is the best thing that’s happened to me this entire year and I love her so much and she is the snuggliest cuddle bug I’ve ever met. I’m so happy she’s in my life now~

Put More Stuff On My Redbubble: ah ha ha ha… I thought I did this, but then I went and checked, and it turns out-! I did not. I made art I intended to go on my redbubble, but haven’t put there yet. They are all drawings of some OCs from a game I want to make, but because I haven’t progressed on making the game this year, I never got around to putting more stuff related to it on my redbubble. At the time of writing, there are 7 days left in December, so I guess I could go and put it up on my redbubble right now, but without context on where the characters are from, there wouldn’t be much point, now would there?

Illustrate My Own Fan Fics: Another goal that I was so stoked to actually do… and then just didn’t. Gee, I wonder why I couldn’t find the energy or motivation to do it this year? Truly a conundrum. (Hey, you know what? If Ghost Switch counts as a fan fiction in a visual form, then I am doing GREAT on this goal. 2.5 years in, 1 of ~4 arcs done, and still going steady~)

Sew At Least One Stuffed Animal: Okay, I have a valid excuse for not doing this one. I even knew which stuffed animal I wanted to make, and had the pattern drawn out and everything, but I had no money for materials because I had just paid off my student loans. And then, by the time I did have enough money again, quarantine was in full effect and I couldn’t go out to the fabric store. I’m still trying my best to stay out of public places even if the rules are laxer now, because I don’t want to catch the plague even if everyone in my goddamn city thinks and acts like the problem is over already. Even if they’re all wearing masks, even if they’re staying 6 feet apart, I still don’t want to risk it. I will stay inside until health experts give the all clear, and when that day comes, then I will buy some fleece and make a plush.

Make An Enamel Pin: I ACTUALLY DID THIS ONE. TWICE! Halfway through quarantine, I was feeling anxious and depressed about my job and how they were planning to have me work with the public despite climbing infection rates and positive covid cases. I didn’t quit then, but in a desperate move to try and become self-sufficient, I went to madebycooper and made two enamel pins based on some butterfly dragons I drew last year. They’re on my etsy store now! I even went out of my way to open a P.O. box just to start a small business! I haven’t sold a single pin yet, and I’m actually really nervous to sell my first because I don’t trust the efficiency of the postal system thanks to the actions of the GOP that really screwed them over this year! (If you would like to see my enamel pins, click here!)

Read One Book A Month: I did this! With dragon books I bought a couple years back! In fact, I read FOURTEEN dragon books, and still have more books for next year to read! The 14 books I read this year were:

The Hive Queen

The Poison Jungle

Wings Of Fire Legends: Dragonslayer

Dealing With Dragons

Searching For Dragons

Calling on Dragons

Talking to Dragons

The Bronze Dragon Codex

The Brass Dragon Codex

The Black Dragon Codex

The Red Dragon Codex

The Silver Dragon Codex

Dragon Strike, and

Hatching Magic

To be honest, I had read The Red Dragon Codex years ago when it first came out, but completely forgotten what it was about. I remembered liking it, and I knew the reading level was on the lower side, but the whole dragon codex series was pretty good! So far, the Silver dragon codex was my favorite, and black dragon codex was probably the worst! Hatching Magic was also really slow and bad and had plot points that went nowhere, but the book was written in the 80s, so I don’t know what I expected. The Dealing with Dragons series was very charming and great for the most part, save for one line in the last book that really rubbed me the wrong way, and all the Wings of Fire Books go above and beyond in this third arc. The second legends book could be a little tighter, though (sky and wren are the best duo and I want a book solely about them, but I honest to god do not care about leaf and ivy’s stories.)

Write one Page of any story every day/ complete at least one fic: I… did this? Okay, I kinda cheated near the end of the year. I was keeping up the one page a day thing for the first four months, but then the world went to shit and my schedule and habits got disrupted and I fell off my good track record. I completed 7 out of roughly 12 one-shots I had planned for this year (my goal WAS supposed to be one short a month, but… you know how it happens) I kept trying to catch up on this goal all year, but the days kept piling up…. Until November hit. I managed to write over 250 pages for Nanowrimo, and I consider this goal a win. 365 pages of fiction in total, which averages out to about one a day~. SHUT UP IT COUNTS.

Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make: Another goal I didn’t have the mental energy to commit to this year. Truly a mystery to where all our willpower went in 2020.

Fully Finish Scripting Ghost Switch: still haven’t done this one yet! The Snowdin arc is completely planned, but I just haven’t gotten around to getting the other areas. I’m not worried, though. I know all the major plot points I gotta hit, it’s just weaving them together in a way that flows nice is the final task. I’m not too worried though. I don’t expect to finish the Snowdin arc for another year and a half, at the bare minimum.

And my last goal of 2020, Boost My Patreon. I did this at the beginning of the year, but then very intentionally stopped about a third of the way through. It didn’t sit right with me to tell you guys to donate to me when suddenly EVERYONE was financially strained from layoffs or being furloughed. I told my patrons the same, and if you ever need to stop donating to me to take care of yourself first, then by all means, please do. I would feel much better knowing you’re using your money to see yourself fed and housed instead of given to me (where it is pretty much only used to buy gas for my car, honestly)

Welp! That was all my goals for 2020! I achieved 4 out of 10 goals plus 1 secret goal! Pretty much the same ratio as last year, but now this time I can blame all my failures on the pandemic! I don’t feel so bad about myself anymore~

ON TO 2021!

I have 11 goals for the new year, again some rolled over from this list, and some from even older years. They are, in no particular order;

Read 12 new books (roughly 1 book a month)

Finish the first draft of 2019’s Nanowrimo project and rewrite it

Script TDV

Finish Scripting Ghost Switch

Build A Comic Buffer

Sew 1 Stuffed Animal

Finish 1 Song Comic

Make another Enamel Pin

Finish 2 short original comics (this one counts as 2 goals)

Finish the 5 remaining one-shot fics

Now to go into depth on each one, more for my own sake, really. I want to know exactly what I have planned for each goal this year, and sometimes just looking at a short list doesn’t capture all the smaller details.

1)Read 12 new books. Same as last year! I The only difference is I might not be able to make it all dragon-related books. (I try my hardest not to buy from amazon anymore, but half-price-books doesn’t always have the obscure stuff I’m looking for)

2)Finish 2019’s nanowrimo project. If you read my 2019 year reflection, you’ll notice I said I wanted to do some original writing. And I did! The story I wrote for nanowrimo back then was a story I’ve been toying with since 2017, but it was only last year I finally got pen to paper. Now, you may find it odd that the keyword says “finish”. You may think, “but isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for nanowrimo?” and to that I say, WRONG! I wrote 50k words for nanowrimo, but the draft was only about halfway complete. I was kinda discouraged about what I had written last year, because I didn’t like how it was coming out, but I did manage to get it half done. Now it’s time for me to bite the bullet and just finish the thing so I can finally revise it and make it into something I DO like. (It’s still gonna be hella long, tho. That’s what I get for trying to write an epic fantasy, I guess.)

3)Script TDV. TDV is the abbreviation of the game I want to make. I… still need to do so much for this project OTL… In addition to getting the story solidified, I still need to draw art and game assets, and learn how to code for it, both of which are no small task. I keep having some sort of new year’s goal related to this on my list, and every year I just don’t hit this one. Will 2021 be different?

4)Finish Scripting Ghost Switch. (Or at the very least, get the waterfall arc completely written out). I have a plan to break this down into simpler steps, by focusing on just one arc for a month or two. Every major arc has 2 to 3 parts, broken up by flashbacks, and if I can just finish one section a month, then I should have the entire thing scripted by the end of the year. It’s not a difficult pace, but seeing if I stick with it will be the real challenge, as it is will all my goals it seems.

5)Build a Comic Buffer: I’m actually working on this one right now! Since I paid off my last loan and got a new job this year, my current Patreon goals are kind of out of date. They had all been centered around me paying off that last loan, and working towards full-time employment, but those are both completed now! So instead, I would love to get to a place where my patrons could read pages at least a week ahead, and to do that, I need to build a buffer. And since I’m working 5 full days a week now, I can’t afford to fall behind. But you can’t fall behind if you constantly stay ahead! I would like to have… a 10 to 12 page buffer. That’s roughly 3 months’ worth of pages to always have on hand in case I get swamped with work, or something. Right now I currently have a buffer of 3, which will cover me for half a January, which is better than not having anything at all, but still not the best. (ultimately, I would love to have a buffer so big, I could queue them up for the whole year. Wouldn’t that be something?)

6) Sew one stuffed animal: same as last year. ASSUMING the plague gets under control in 2021, I don’t expect to get to this goal until the summer at the earliest.

7)Finish 1 song comic: I have 7 song comics planned. One is a gift, one possibly for wandersong, one is a collab that’s currently in the works, but I’m waiting on a friend to do their part before I can continue mine, 2 are UT related, and 2 (well, technically 3, but one is the collab) are KH related. It’s one of the UT ones that will probably get finished, if I’m being honest. It’s completely story boarded, and now I just need to ink and color it. I would like to get it done for UT’s 6th birthday, since I made a song comic on the fly for the anniversary this year, and it was fun, and I’d like to do it again! So, look forward to that next september~

8) Make another enamel pin: I have a dolphin design I’d like to make because dolphins are cute, if not little murder machines. (need to save up some expendable income first, tho. THESE THINGS AIN’T CHEAP TO MAKE.)

9 and 10) start and finish 2 original short comics: I’ve got some comic ideas I want to do, but I need to get them written out first. I don’t think either would be too long. Each maybe a couple “episode’s” length, if envisioned on a website like webtoons or tapas. They’d both be heavy in allegory, but not overly drawn out (hopefully)

11)And lastly, Finish the 5 remaining one-shots I had planned for this year but never got around to. I’m going to try to write one every other month. Pure self-indulgent shipping fluff. If I finish these 5, then maybe I’ll ask other people for more prompts and ideas, which I’ve never done before. We’ll see how it goes~

Also, Like last year, I’d like to look at everything that’s happened to me this year, though to be honest, I’m not sure how much I remember/how accurate it’ll be. God, I don’t even remember what January was like. Who was I back then? Who were we all back then? I guess I’ll start my yearly retrospective in march because, heh, god we ALL know what started happening in march.

Firstly, I paid off my last student loan! Then a week later on March 18th, I drove half an hour out of my city to adopt a cat and I love her and it was the best day of this year for me. Spring break is just beginning this weekend, but the attendance at the zoo is shockingly low this year. Apparently, a lot of people watch the news, and they’re all taking precautions about social distancing. I wasn’t too disappointed. Fewer people at the zoo, the easier my job is for me. I was looking forward to getting some free overtime on spring break, since I’m broke after paying off that loan, and I’m a cat parent now and have a furry child to feed. Monday rolls around. My manager calls me and tells me that the zoo is going into lockdown until further notice. I worry for the birds I take care of, but understand it’s for everyone’s safety.

For two months I sleep in and watch way too much YouTube. I join a couple writing discords. I have nightmares about my birds escaping their enclosure and I dreamed one of the security guards I really like at the zoo gets covid and has to go to the ER. I woke up really upset.

I started and finished BBS for the first time. I also replayed and finished KH2 final mix for the first time. It had been about 5 years since I last played KH2 before my PS2 died, and it was like coming home~ I also finished tearaway, and played and beat Ryme for a second time (which I can’t remember if I did that last year, but it was a fun experience regardless)

Mid-June, and I’m allowed to start going back to work, be it on reduced hours. The zoo is still closed to the public, but I’m loving it! I get to work with full-time keepers and do full-time keeper things. It’s so much fun not having to deal with the public. August starts to creep up and there’s a rumor that the zoo will be opening to the public again, which I’m not stoked about. I don’t want to go back to standing in one exhibit all day, talking to guests who don’t listen to the rules or to me. 2 of my younger coworkers (who had both only been there a couple of months) get chosen for full-time positions, while I get passed up which really pisses me off. My other 2 coworkers quit when they think we might be reopening because they cannot risk catching the virus due to at-risk family. I am now the last keeper in the interactive bird exhibit.

I keep working, the zoo slowly opens, but with me as the only interpreter in our interactive bird exhibit, we can’t open because I can’t run the entire exhibit by myself. So my exhibit stays closed. September comes and goes, and then October starts. Now there is more serious talk of opening my exhibit before the end of the year because the zoo expects to bring in larger crowds for the Christmas lights event in November/December. I ask if I get hazard pay or health insurance since I’m doing full-time hours until they hire more staff. They say no.

I immediately start searching for a new job feeling incredibly indignant/hurt/slighted/insulted/used/abused/ALL the negative feelings at my job. I had been there for 4 years, but never got a chance to work full time, while the two newest hires who had only been there 2 months both got moved up. I can’t help but feel they were holding one mistake I made two years ago against me and never wanted to give me a chance. (that, or they knew I was reliable when it came to showing up for work in such a volatile position that sees a lot of new faces, and they didn’t want to bother going through the process of hiring someone new) I don’t want to risk my life working around guests who don’t wash their hands and don’t properly distance. I don’t want to gamble with my health when they won’t offer me health insurance because I’m part time.

Mid October, I get an interview for a full time job and get hired on the spot. I peace out at the zoo 2 weeks later, literally 3 days before they planned to open my exhibit to the public. It was a close call for me to escape before they opened to the public (and pettiness was only partially the reason I dipped out so close to opening). Sorry new hires who are now in charge of the bird feeding exhibit. I taught you the best I could in the short time I had. If the managers are struggling with what to do with one less person, I can’t say I feel bad. I can only hope they delayed opening/closed you down again for your own safety. You are not lightbulbs. I really hope the higher ups stop considering you as replaceable as one. Will I go back to the zoo to visit? Probably. But not for a year at least.

I started my new job the very next day after I quit the zoo, and have been there ever since, (which isn’t that long yet, tbh. Christmas day was my 2 month anniversary). It’s full time, but it’s also a small business, and everyone’s hours this year have been on the short side due to the plague. I understand, though. They don’t want us to work if they can’t afford to pay us. Everyone is nice enough, though some people smoke and it’s hard to avoid them with how frequently we have to go in and out, and I really don’t want to get lung cancer, sorry not sorry, please and thank you. Also, with such a small team, gossip is certainly harder to go undetected, so it’s a relief knowing people don’t talk behind one another’s backs.

I participated and beat my 4th nanowrimo in a row, I made TWO apple crisps on thanksgiving, and made baklava on Christmas and both of these recipes were my first time making them, and they both came out adequately! I voted the first day of early voting, and I did an art trade/collab with two of my friends for my birthday! (normally we would have done monthly “art days” where we get together and do art projects for fun because we’re adults and we can spend our time together however we want, but the plague said otherwise this year) We drew pokemon and it was fun! (hopefully I can show you all the results soon. At the time of writing, I’m still waiting for the last two colored parts to get back to me)

I reached 100 pages on my undertale comic, and finish the first arc out of…! (im not sure. It’s either going to be 4 or 5, I haven’t decided yet)

Over all, I managed to stay healthy as far as I know. I wasn’t as productive as I wanted to be this year, but then again, who was? (don’t answer that. I don’t need that kind of comparison in my life right now)

Will 2021be any better? Honestly? I don’t think so. Not right away, at least. Just because a new year is about to start does not mean the slate is completely wiped clean. The change of the calendar year doesn’t magically make all our current problems disappear. Covid will still be here and cases will still climb when January starts. Small business will still be strained when the month rolls over, police will still go on murdering innocent civilians and getting away scot free, amazon and disney will still be monopolizing all consumer goods and media, and I can’t help but feel like there’s an impending shit show about to go down on inauguration day. I do hope things will get better, though. It’ll be arduous and unpleasant, but I do hope things will improve, because sometimes hoping is all you can do.

Good night.

#long post #new year's resolutions #year review #year retrospective

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shmisolo · 5 years

Photo

I wanted to post the things I’ve made this year in one place. I haven’t posted most of them over here—largely because I’m not tumblring a lot these days. But I made a lot this year—both visual and written—that I’m proud of and wanted to share it out. You can find this post also in tweet form here!

Happy 2020, Reylo friends! It’s been a wild ride of a year, and mine couldn’t have been what it has been without you.

Visual

Oneshots

Investiture for @misscoppelia

In which Ben goes to daven for his father’s yahrtzeit and manages to prove to himself once again that he is both a terrible person and a terrible Jew.

Oh and he sort of falls in love.

baby you can drive my car for @talltig

They call them “soulmates.” Probably because it leaves less of a sting in their mouths.

The Kitchen for flypaper_brain

Rey and Ben, hunting for their first house.

alone with a heart meant for you for @nuanceismyjam

Ben orders Grubhub; Rey's car breaks down.

myosotis for @rissanox

Ben picked the flowers for their wedding.

and beyond for @lilithsaur

“Please?”

For a moment, he thinks it will be like the first time, him begging, her crying and saying no and him not knowing how to protect his crushed heart.

But she doesn’t cry, she doesn’t say, “Please don’t go this way,” she doesn’t look horrified or disgusted. She just grabs him by the front of his shirt and tugs his lips down to hers before reaching down to cup his cock.

You, Me, and He for @rissanox, @persimonne, and @misscoppelia

When they say that Kylo's brain is in his groin, they're not far from the truth.

Alternatively,

In which Kylo Ren is his own penis.

Bliss, Balance and Birth for @selunchen

Ben teaches their daughter to read.

💦💦💦💦

In which Ben accidentally implies that he gets his cardio from having sex on national television.

Favorites for @lilithsaur

In which Matt is preoccupied in getting Daisy the perfect token of his love on this, the two month anniversary of her agreeing to be his girlfriend.

A Trash Triplets AU.

Gotta Get Up, Gotta Get Out | Moodboard

“Listen asshole,” Rey says as she steps through the door of Poe’s deli. “You have exactly as long as it takes me to buy these cigarettes.”

Ben doesn’t waste a second breathing. “Metaphysically speaking, you and I are intrinsically and inexplicably linked,” he starts because there’s no time for beating around the bush and besides, Rey can sniff out a lie like no one else. “And I'm convinced our true purpose is to to connect with each other, if not help save each other's lives.” She’s opening her wallet and handing Poe a ten. “In another world, hopefully you are doing the same for me.”

The Other Thing for @persimonne

That’s what they don’t warn you about, he thinks idly. In his DesEd class, they’d warned him about knots, and heats, and ruts, and nesting. But they’d never warned him that her home would smell so much like her, like everything he’s ever wanted, that he would be unable to extricate himself.

“Can you make it a little more interesting in like...thirty minutes?” he asks her.

She pulls away and he immediately regrets saying a damn word.

“I could make that work,” she replies dryly. “I’ll pencil you in.”

A for... for @loveofescapism

Rey’s seeing double by the time there’s food on her plate. Oh. There’s food on her plate. That’s good. That’s unexpected at this point. “Eat,” Ben tells her.

So she does. It tastes good. Very good. She likes this food a lot.

“I’ll make sure she knows,” Ben says.

Oh she’s at that point of drunk where she’s just saying things out loud instead of keeping them in her internal monologue.

“You are,” Ben says, looking very amused.

She hopes she doesn’t say anything embarrassing.

“I promise, you haven’t yet, but oh boy, I’m looking forward to this.”

She shoves food into her mouth to keep herself from thinking out loud about his dick in her ass at his mother’s Passover seder.

do or do not (do the do)

In which Ben, in an effort to improve his stamina (look he's making progress, ok?) after reading some articles that he'll never be able to unread, receives some coaching (that he very much did not ask for).

(Very much did not ask for.)

(Not) Interested for @thewayofthetrashcompactor, @monsterleadmehome, @destiniesfic, yuktipatipriya

We're bringing Speed Dating back to Space Battles Bonanza! Register online for one of our special Bonanza sessions of 15 three-minute dates so you’ll no longer have to look for love in a galaxy far far away. Choose from one of seven speed dating sessions, two of which are queer focused. If the Insurgents can blow up the Doom Moon in 11 minutes, let’s see if you can make a love connection in only three.

There’s a history of successful Speed Dating at Space Battles Bonanzas, with long-term couples, engagements and marriages now among the alumni.

In which Rey & Kylo meet at their fancon's speed dating.

Never Die for @avamarga

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you.

Forged for @reyloner

There are several reasons that Ben would never have dreamed he’d ever receive this text. The first is that he’d be invited to a Halloween party. The second is that he’d never in his life expected to be in a serious relationship, much less the sort of serious relationship where his partner would suggest matching Halloween costumes. And the last is that he is dating someone who’s show only and they’ve only almost murdered one another twice. Because he’s an A Song of Ice and Fire fan. He hates Game of Thrones.

and getting caught in the rain for @kylorenvevo

What's the point of going to a family wedding if you're not going to hook up with your newly rediscovered brother's baseball coach?

A Picture's Worth for @selunchen

reyjay: hiya your art is amazing

reyjay: it’s a big ask but could you draw me for my art final tomorrow? i’m shit at drawing people and i can’t fail this. can you help?

He stares.

And stares.

kyloren: is this some kind of a joke?

reyjay: no?? why??

kyloren: you’re asking me to help you cheat your exam, but you’re not even offering me money?

Bang for your Buck

“We ready?” he asks her, sounding huffy.

“Nice to meet you Ben, I’m just familiarizing myself with your training,” she replies.

“Ok, well I don’t have all day.”

“No, you have,” she checks her watch, “another hour.” Because of course he’d booked an extra long session. Bless that sweet, sweet overtime pay.

“And you’re sure you know what you’re doing?” he asks her and she glances up at him, sure that her eyes are flashing because that’s fucking rude. She’s a professional. Amilyn wouldn’t have hired her if she didn’t know what she’s doing, and just because he apparently thinks he’s the center of the universe doesn’t change that fact.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get your bang for your buck,” she tells him icily.

Two to Tango

Rey: I need to ask you something awkward. Ben: What’s up? Rey: Can I give you a blowjob? Please?

atlanta > all atlanta > community > missed connections for @sand-its-everywhere

In which Rey meets a cosplayer at DragonCon.

Sonsick (I'll fall for you soon enough) for @jeenonamit & YTCShepard

Sheev and Snoke share a moment at the country club.

A Thousand Words for @monsterleadmehome | Moodboard

In which, some years later, Ben encounters someone he drew for nudes.

Truth and Death written for this year’s @reylofanfictionanthology

Ben opens the box. Inside, he sees the charred remains of a helmet.

------------

She is made of sand-turned-clay, where other moving creatures are made of flesh and blood. Their skin cracks in the dry Jakku sun just like hers, but they are alive in their organs.

Rey is alive in a different way.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year written with @jeenonamit | Moodboard

Rey convinces Ben--and his sentient penis--to go with her to a Halloween party.

What could go wrong?

(Working title: "Dicklo 2: Electric BOO-galoo")

Shalom Rav! for @jeenonamit | Moodboard

In which Rey comes to terms realizing that she is attracted to the rabbi.

when the stars and moon align just so for @capaldisrighteyebrow

Songs spoke of red stars on nights that blood was shed. Stars bled too when the great fell. There were no red stars tonight. The stars did not bleed for Snoke.

Would they bleed for Ben?

She swallowed.

Because despite his own words—that he served his master (master, as though he were a draft horse to be yoked and plow the fields of men), that he would give everything to his master, she had seen doubt in his eyes that night, three years ago, when the stars and moon had aligned just so.

oh, my love, don't forsake me (take what the water gave me) for @reyloner and @loveofescapism

Their sabers clashed, humming in the spray, and Rey's heart was in her throat the entire time.

it’s you and me (i know it’s our destiny) | Moodboard

It’s just a kid’s game, he thinks when jealousy pangs in his heart. But it’s more than just a kid’s game.

It’s Pokémon.

It’s the only good thing in his life.

will you come when i call you (i’ll come when you call me) | Moodboard

Surely when Snoke had connected them, he hadn’t connected them like this.

—

@reylo_prompts: “Due to the Force bond Rey and Ben always come simultaneously. Now they need to figure out how not to do that since it can result in awkward situations.”

The Sweater Curse for @jeenonamit & @commandercrouton

She’s never made a sweater before, but she saw the pattern on Ravelry and who cares if she’s only made (lumpy) hats before—she has to try it. She has to make it. She has to make it for Ben.

“You realize that Hannukah isn’t an important holiday, right?” Ben asks as she makes eye contact with him. His eyes are big and brown and—at this moment—mildly annoyed.

“Really? Is it a giant conspiracy theory? Part of the war on Christmas?”

“More than you realize,” Ben says and for the life of her she can’t tell if he’s joking. He does this thing sometimes that’s confusing—where he’ll say something that sounds mopey but is actually snarky and it disarms her every damn time. “In any event, ugly Hanukkah sweaters definitely aren’t a thing the way ugly Christmas sweaters are.”

“Well, they are now,” Rey says firmly. “I’m making you an ugly Hanukkah sweater. Deal with it. And stop moving.”

Ours Is The Fury for @reyloner & @commandercrouton

Rey was tasked with taking Storm's End for her king. She defeated the Storm King Snoke in the Rainwood, but when she proceeded to the castle itself, preparing for a long siege, things did not go to plan.

Seen ✔️✔️ for @ever-so-reylo | Graphic

His lock screen has three texts from Rey on it:

Rey Wife: Babe I know you’re probably busy right now, but you sent that pic to the wrong chat. Rey Wife: Bennnnnnn Rey Wife: Call me when you’re done processing your trauma.

And then about ninety chats from the Skywalker Ranch WhatsApp thread.

In which Ben sends a picture to the wrong chat.

With you, Always for @jeenonamit, @nuanceismyjam, and YTCShepard

Rey's boyfriend is now a Force ghost but they're sure as fuck gonna try fucking anyway.

Chaptered Fics

we decided not to kill the wolves (we wanted to be wolves) for @nerdherderette | Complete | Moodboard

A pack of wolves lives in the woods to the north of Raddus and as winter looms, they have their eyes set on Leia Organa’s stronghold. Rey may be new to Raddus, but she’s not about to do nothing while it may be in danger. And besides, Poe must be exaggerating about wolves the size of bears. She’s not afraid of monsters.

Carry In My Core (That Voice I Adore) | Complete | Moodboards

Starring in her first opera would be stressful as is, but Rey, always one to outdo herself, just had to go and make things even more complicated with Kylo Ren. It’s hard enough looking him in the eye, much less pretending to be in love with him. She can make it through this. She has made it through worse. She can make it through this.

shadow boxes | Complete

Just because they aren’t together, doesn’t mean they’re not in love.

anyway you want to (anyway you've got to) | Complete

But you know she's getting something other Than the love from her mother

A Porn Challenge in which your author makes Rey and Ben bone their way through the month of February.

words like tomorrow (or future, or fate) for @haloren1st & @staticcatfish | Complete

One day, Rey wakes in a body that's not her own in a town she's never been to before. Who is Ben, whose body she seems to be possessing, and who woke up in her body? Why are they connected this way?

---

A Your name. AU.

Above us, stars. Beneath us, constellations. for @valsansretour | Complete | Moodboard

Ben woke, but Luke’s saber wasn’t ignited. Instead, he saw a master who had shattered his trust, who thought he was a monster, and—worse—he was probably right.

So he fled Yavin IV, to Skywalker’s dismay, and no one heard from him since.

Years later, on a wasteland planet, a girl and a fugitive stormtrooper board a Corellian YT-1300 light freighter in desperation to find they are not the only ones trying to steal it.

Why Don’t You And I Combine for @ever-so-reylo | Complete | Moodboard

Rey’s phone rings while she’s at the farmer’s market. She lets it ring. They have a line and it’s only a few hours, and the girls are at school and it’s just her today, so she doesn’t have enough hands. Rose and Finn and Poe are helping Ben move furniture out of his apartment and into the house. They’re probably calling about something silly, or Ben’s calling to say he’s fully moved in and he’s lying in their bed—possibly with his hand on his cock—and that he’s thinking of her.

—

In which life continues, grows, and Rey and Ben continue to rebuild their relationship.

A sequel to Let’s Get Together.

The Love Committee for @jeenonamit | Complete | Moodboard

In which Rey, tired of her bad luck with dating apps and failed relationships, enlists her friends' help in determining who she should date next.

They take it a little too seriously.

A Year of Me and You for autonomee | Complete

“After you move in with one another, give yourself six months to like one another again,” Maz says, looking at Rey seriously through her bottlecap glasses.

“I’m not going to fall out of love with—”

“No, no. Not love. Love’s not got anything to do with it, child. Like.”

Non-linear vignettes of various length, set during the first year Rey and Ben live together.

Hanging by a Moment for pillar-of-salt | Complete | Mix

There are many things that Ben could have tolerated about his parents’ divorce. That his mother had finally had it with his father’s borderline illegal—or rather, as he liked to put it, borderline legal—company, the shady activities it covered that would doubtlessly end her political career if a reporter got hold of them; that his father had finally had it with the way his mother nags, because sure, he’d thought it was hot twenty years ago, but he is in fact an adult who can actually keep his shit together—all that he would have gotten. He’d have been wrecked, but he’d have gotten it.

His dad leaving his mom for a nineteen-year-old gold-digger though, and his mother not even putting up a fight—that had caught him by surprise.

That had hurt.

Be nice to her, Ben, his mother had said on the phone when he’d spoken to her for the first time in five years. She just lost your father.

Yeah. So did I.

Cupcake Wars | Complete | Fingerpainting + Playlist

Entirely by accident, Rey ends up fucking someone who works for Snoke's Cupcakery. She's just blowing off steam. It doesn't mean anything at all. It certainly won't come back to bite her in the ass.

in nobody's eyes but mine for @ever-so-reylo | Complete | Moodboard

Rey had spent too much of her life feeling as though permanence could only be transient so why bother with it. What was long-term? What was mating? What was home?

the water won’t have ya if the devil’s too blind for @thekesselrun | Complete | Moodboard

That water’s too dirty to wash away your sins.

“They’re not sins. I didn’t commit them against god. There is no such thing as god.”

Then whatever you want to call them. Crimes don’t get washed away by a river.

“It’s a cursed river,” Ben points out.

No, it’s a polluted river. Curses aren’t real. Not like that, anyway.

“Are you really well-actually-ing me?”

Yes, I am. Because you’re an idiot. Some extremely oily and not remotely potable water is not going to be able to remove the guilt you feel about killing your father, turning your back on your mother, murdering hundreds of innocents, and helping the First Order destroy the world. Especially when you knew I wasn’t going to let you die.

–

In which Ben Solo washes up on shore, very still alive and unsure of what to do next until a passing scavenger offers him a lift on her boat. Who is he now? Who does he want to be?

Apples & Honey for @peaceblessingspeyton | Complete | Moodboard

When Ben catches wind that his mother is planning to foist a potential girlfriend on him when he comes home for Rosh Hashanah, he takes matters into his own hands: specifically, he runs to Rey and asks her to pretend to be his girlfriend.

There Is Another for @kylorenvevo | Complete | Moodboards: Ch 1 | Ch 3 | Ch 7 | Ch 9 | Ch 11 | Ch14

“Mission success?”

“You will be interested in this.”

“Oh?”

Kylo glances back over his shoulder. The girl he had found on Takodana is still deeply unconscious, and will remain so for a long while. He had knocked her out as deeply as he could. She had fired at him the moment she’d seen him, resisted him tooth and nail. He does not want her waking up until he has her properly restrained, and he had not come to Takodana prepared to take any prisoners.

A shiver runs up his spine as he tries to shove away how it had felt, carrying her through that forest.

“Yes.”

“How so?”

The trouble with helmets is he can’t look Kira dead in the eye anymore. He can’t watch her face closely to see what will happen when he tells her,

“She’s you.”

Dear Mr. President | WIP | Moodboards: Ch13

Dr. Dameron shifts and slides a manilla folder across the desk to her. “Under ordinary circumstances, I’d let you keep the folder. I hope you’ll understand why I can’t do that this time around.”

She opens it and stares.

She stares and stares and stares.

Dr. Dameron has to be kidding. There have to be hidden cameras here, this has to be some elaborate prank. That’s why it’s him here and not Dr. Wexley—that was his name. Dr. Wexley.

But instead of getting to her feet and tossing her hair and saying he was cruel for playing with her heart like this, all she does is ask, blankly, “So...Ben Solo is my soulmate? Our new president is my…”

She swallows.

And Dr. Dameron nods.

so long lives this and this gives life to thee | WIP | Moodboard

His smile fades and he falls to the ground, his head hitting the ground with a sharp crack.

“Ben!” The yell echoes around them in the darkness and Rey lurches forward, her hands scrabbling over his face, his neck, trying to find a pulse.

She bursts into tears when she finds it. She doesn’t know why she’s crying. He’s alive.

———

In which Ben's Force Sensitivity—and not his life—was given to save Rey.

a little death (goes a long way) for @talltig | WIP | Moodboard

“That’s good of you,” he replies. “Especially with the O-Negative.”

“It’s a good deal,” she says and he glances up. Yeah, because Omega blood is harder to find. A taste of life, because they almost never survive the turn.

#reylo #reylo fanfic #reylo fic #rffa writers #year in review

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whattaylormademedo · 4 years

Text

Calendar: on August 22nd, Summer is over and Fall starts

Me suspicious: *checks store.taylorswift.com for new arrivals because that’s “folklore”*

Store: *nothing new*

Me: *sighs deeply*

Taylor Nation: TAYLOR HAS 6 BBMA NOMINATIONS!!!!

Me, excited and more suspicious: *checks the store again and there’s still nothing*

Taylor on instagram: VOTER REGISTRATION DAY. REGISTER.

Me, checking the site for the 3rd time in about 11 hours: *anxiously and checks site again to see that nothing has changed AGAIN. screams in frustration. is confused if anything will happen*

Me: *nervous breakdown. is probably still going to keep checking the store every hour. will vote because politics is in my blood along with glitter and I registered YEARS AGO to make sure The Great Pumpkin isn’t re-elected. Will also vote for Tay for the BBMAs. remains hypervigilant about the online store.*

Me: *types this at like 4 PM. forgets to post it and saves it as a draft. involuntarily fell asleep again. it’s now 8:05 PM*

Taylor Nation tumblr notification upon waking: “IT’S NOW FALL...”

Me: *actually screams and scares my caregiver* GODDAMN IT SWIFT ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME *rushes to the store. nothing’s changed. is actively whisper-cursing*

@taylorswift @taylornation WHY. WHY DO YOU DO THIS AND WHY AM I LIKE THIS. I HAVE MY EYES PEELED 👀 LOL

#Shifty Swifty #AT IT AGAIN SMH I AM SUSPICIOUS #The Swiftie Tag #Vote #folklore #BBMAs #Awards #Merch #Squad #Autumn #Fall #My Post #Chat Post

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thepausedsforzando · 4 years

Text

III. The Paused Sforzando

Part I. The End To The Remaining Effort

*******Introduction*******

It’s been 5 years. 5 years and a month just about. This post looks weird in public because it’s first one. It’s also marked as III. On October 8th, 2019 I nuked my entire Tumblr. Actually, I nuked all 3: hunkee, digitalclothingofhunkee and thepsychologyofdarthvader. That was a heavy day. This series has been shotty and inconsistent, in that gaps have become bigger and the details have lessened. This could likely be due to the feedback and problems I’ve had with people in my posts when I would talk about personal things that were not only private for me but for them. Primarily, these inconsistencies and gaps are because I’ve slowly descended into more of a void of a human being than I ever thought I could be when my life was right. January 6th, 2016. That’s where we last left off. “We” now means, and has always meant, current Matthew, as well as the one who will be reading this. If any Where are we now? Corny, I know, but you wanted to type it.

I have always dreamed of having a Tumblr where I had literally 0 holdbacks. If it was disturbing or could easily be misunderstood, I’d post it anyway. But coming from a Christian background where the Christian homeschool choirs I was in had its dark pockets of judgement, it, or more than just it, made me severely self-conscious. But that is tied deeper to why I care about what others think, and how their attention makes or breaks me as a human being. But I’m getting head of myself. On purpose.

hunkee, and it’s other 2 sisters were that of restriction. No more. So many have lost touched, forgotten and abandoned me, so who fucking cares now. I may still care. I’m showing it right now, but I’ll contradict that.

One thing I will hold back on is the private information of loved ones who never got a voice to choose whether or not to have their private lives posted here. I am transparent and honest to an extreme, and it’s gotten me in trouble more than I ever thought or wanted to. Therefore, what you will be seeing is the second draft, edited to filter out private events out of love and/or respect to those who didn’t get a voice. They will be edited with summaries and I may even redact names or change said names. Those people deserve it. And I should have known back then. But you can’t know everything. I could have learned faster, but respect is being shown nonetheless.

Alot has happened from January 6th, 2016 to February 5th, 2021. What I choose to be here will be here, and other installments will follow. Where we last left off was- well before I say it, let me show you the progression:

- 2009: The end of my childhood and innocence - 2010: a solid year of happiness in the first chapter of adulthood - 2011: not bad - 2012: The beginning of the dark renaissance; the start of it all - 2013: The Darkness: The darkest point, the breakdown, the intervention and the beginning of me stopping any care and any effort. Laziness became my life. - 2014: The Void: Through trying with little effort, the numbness grew - 2015: I literally forgot most of 2015. The Void at its highest - 2016: The End: The year that I gave up, after 5 years of trying through abandonment. - 2017: Committing to my abandonment. - 2018: Rebirth: The slow growth of the tiniest voice within me. - 2019: Pause #1: Amber - 2020: ugh: - 2021: ugh:

Let’s just begin.

**************

As per usual, let’s recap from the 16th. My name is Matthew. I’m 24 and a half years old. I work at Patsco Windshield Repair and had for about a month. I have been living back at my parents now for 2 years and about 4 months. I’d been single for 1 year and 2 months. I still had my Roth IRA and likely got rid of my savings account due to poor management of my money. I had suppressed my love for Amber again, and it wouldn’t be the last time. I was emotionally void after raging and depressing for years. My life had no meaning, nor did I really have many friends or any social interactions. I had a car. I can’t remember what bills I dealt with, but it was likely phone, insurance, health insurance and idk.

Life at Patsco was pretty lame. I would drive to the corner of a parking lot on a busy road, hold up a sign for a while and repair people’s windshields. Calling insurance companies and cleaning headlights. Great for a high schooler; pathetic that I was there in life at 24. The pay was $12/hr. I forgot if the hours were good. But the best thing that happened then was I read Dante Alighieri’s Inferno. I fell in love with that book. Standing on the grass next to cars at the red light of whatever intersection I was assigned that day. Immersed in the world and loving the darkness. I found beauty in dark things and gravitated towards hateful content. Who would have figured.

Patsco didn’t last very long. Maybe I got fired, I think I did. My memory has deteriorated so much over the past x amount of years. As has my attention span. And effort. Anyway, it usually takes me 1-3 months to find work, and on April whenever, I became a delivery driver for Jimmy John’s. Yet again, a low end, dead end job. I lasted just about 2 years. I asked Asia to let me stay long enough to make it an even two years, but she couldn’t stand me and it didn’t go that long.

Amber had either come back or was always there. For private reasons, someone in her life had jealously forbade me to come over and witness the birth of her first child. That didn't fucking happen with her second. I was there. More on that later.

Remembering 2015, 2016 and 2017 is hard. I'm having to pull up my resume, previous entries of this series and go back to where I was then. By the time Jimmy John’s rolled around, I’d been back home for over 2 and a half years. Being numb and unmotivated, I was also an asshole to live with. I treated my mother horribly. There is much to get into about what I have learned about her over the years and why we clash, but I always handled it wrong and I still do. Too lazy to confront her. She saw me at my worst. Whatever I could do out loud, she mostly saw and had to be the victim of it. She didn’t deserve it.

What I write about tends to focus on home, mom and dad, work, cars and not much else. I’ve neglected to mention Eva but once. I feel bad that in a forgetful and numb phase, I forgot when I met Eva. I met her on MeetMe, a social app for meeting people that too many guys used as a dating site. It was really, really pathetic. But I was open to meeting a significant other too I bet. There goes the hypocrisy. Take note. I just didn’t advertise it and let whatever unfolded, unfold. Before I mention Eva, what happened on MeetMe is notable. I just didn’t advertise it and I'd let whatever unfolded unfold. This is where I was at: I met someone who lived across the road from me named Evie. I put what I wanted onto her and god fucking dammit I was creepy. We were barely just talking and I was gushing over her. She was pretty and I wanted to be with someone.

My obsession with women had always been a tame problem that sprouted when it got to be intense. In 2011, when the neglect started, my creepiness, lack of social interactions and desire to have a girlfriend got weirder. Every girl that was remotely attractive, or not even that attractive was ‘so right for me’ and I’d pursue. Ashley, Andrea, Christa, Amy. I can’t even remember them all. It was every. fucking. woman. that came to Josh's and I's house. Someone I hadn’t been vibing with or talking to in the first place. That’s the key, you get to know someone and if they move that way WITH you, then it’s something. I always bash guys for pursuing if THEY want it, whether they’ve talked to them much or not. In my own way, I did that. I just didn’t assert myself as hard because in this context, it would have been awkward.

Evie casually told me where she worked. We were barely acquaintances and had never met or even had each others’ numbers. And when I saw she was getting off work one night, I bought her the candy she said she loved and walked over to her in front of the store at night, basically a total stranger, and gave her the Reese’s after clarifying who I was. She was extremely quiet. I bet she didn’t eat those candies because she thought the psycho who I guess you could say stalked her poisoned them and is going to kidnap her. Fuck me that was stupid. But that’s where I was at. My desire got stronger and more obsessive over these 4 years. This might have happened in 2015. Either way, I was doing things that were not Matthew. Using a woman for sex, stalking one, and Naomi....Poor Naomi.

We were talking as friends. She was beautiful. I wanted someone. She did NOT want to find a significant other. When she was reaching out for someone to talk to, it was a friend to confide in. And she made that clear. I lowkey pursued her romantically. We’d meet down the street of her house and park in a parking lot close by. We’d talk deeply, about her hard life. And I would be there for her. Once I told her my intentions, we stopped talking. She was upset, and had every right to be. When I was pursuing Amber 3 years prior, I was putting her newborn to sleep and said ‘can you say “daddy?”’...............................it’s hard for me to bring that up because as wrong as it was and I probably knew at the time, now I can’t....I can’t even explain the awkwardness and shame I feel for saying that. Like I devolved from already clingy/kinda obsessive/maybe on occasion creepy to.....that. To a newborn whose mother....I can’t remember if she liked me at that time. I think she did. ReGARDLESS.

The last time I wasn’t like this was Ana. in late 2011/early2012. I was never perfect as I’ve said like 3 times with regards to my intense emotions towards girlfriends. Hell, I wasn’t bad at all to Nicole. But this loneliness, that was a combination of my fault and other things that made me do things I regret. I had my first one night stand years ago. Attaining friends was through the screen of my phone. I couldn’t make friends. I lost my ability to be social. I became more socially awkward. Pursuing women wasn’t successful, and my desire had gone out of control.

Here I am, miles away from the original point: Eva. She was a female and I was looking for a relationship. Desiring love, affection and to get fucking laid. It came in the form of many creepy endeavors. I wasn’t as terrible with Eva. I liked her because I liked every female that came in contact with me. So it wasn’t even genuine when I told her. But we got past that. Wasn’t trying to get in her pants or anything heinous. But as that small phase passed, for the first time in years, I gained a friend. I made a new friend........it’s not that it’s hard, but was for me. I can’t think of the last time I made a new friend. But I hit the jackpot. No one is more loyal than Eva.

She was an actual friend. She listened to me. I listened to her. We cared for each other. She invited me to her house and to outings with her friends. She cared about me. Someone finally did. It was nothing to her. Like it should be nothing to anyone else: you have friends and you spend time with them. But it was the universe and all its stars to me. I made a big deal out of it for reasons you already know. She was the true friend I needed, but got so late. I felt included, I felt cared about and I felt wanted. I think she’d even text me first! That doesn’t exist anymore! She became a bright spot, but it didn’t change what was coming.

I got mad at Jimmy John’s. Aggressive driving, maybe dealing with the occasional dick ‘cause I was in an upper middle class (some would say rich) area of town. Having been void for so long, I felt I was at a dead end. I think I was friends with Eva by then. I had only been at Jimmy John’s for a month, not even. 2 days before Mother’s Day was when it finally happened.

Despite the angel that had come into my life, I was still lazy and numb, but I feel I was more angry at this point. Regardless, on May 6th, 2016, I officially gave up. From neglect to anger to depression to laziness, it had all culminated to this. It came in waves: neglect, anger, depression, suicidal ideation, hopelessness, self-attack, breakdown, intervention, self-abandonment, extreme sloth, numbness beyond the realm of textual representation, sick of my state, denying help, anger and then release. Release of it all. When I say ‘I gave up’, that seems so small in text, but defined ‘the rest of my life’. This had been culminating for 4 years and I finally just gave up. Career? never. Healthy diet? never. Friends? They already all left me so nothing’s gonna change ‘cause it hasn’t. Love? either I said I can’t ‘cause of my mental state or idk. Being happy? it hasn’t been possible.

I adopted a new phrase: Until death. It kept repeating in my head. I had a new set of goals and motivation in my life. My goal was to avoid being happy. It was to never seek love or really get anything serious, idk. My goal was never to get a better paying job, but get enough just to live on my own. Push everyone away, not get lied to by people’s flakiness. Be in a shitty apartment and watch my 30′s, 40′s, 50′s and maybe even 60′s alone. Eat junk food and clog my arteries as no one cares and everyone has forgotten me. What’s the use. I tried. I FUCKING TRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I couldn’t do it. After 4 years, I was alone, I had no social life, I couldn’t score a woman and I was too creepy to even get close to the first step, I had eaten junk food most of my life and it was affecting my mental and physical health, I couldn’t hold a job, I couldn’t advance because I couldn’t stay long enough, my mental health was blocking my success rate before I started telling people it was blocking my success rate, I was at odds with my parents, Missy was in Chicago, no matter what I did I just couldn’t progress. It wasn’t worth it. I just let it go. My life and my desire to be happy. And that was a commitment. Hard as it would be for my family to have to endure that, I didn’t do it for them. And they didn’t have to suffer. But they did.

Missy graduated the year we're talking about now. To preface that, the whole family had vacationed to New Orleans sometime.....2014? idk, but my mental state and circumstances had made me a recluse. My family was outgoing, talking with Uber drivers and the person kind enough to let us use their house instead of a hotel. They experienced New Orleans and were having fun. But not me. I was not fully there. I was withholding myself from participating. I was quiet. if you knew me when I was myself, I was the opposite of quiet and shy. But the darkness had just become me. I was barely participating, sitting away from people and not saying a word, focusing on rooting my phone and occasionally talking about it, not talking to humans outside of my family and not speaking with a sad, distant, vacant expression.

I learned something through my silence. Usually, if there were family problems, I’d be overly involved and not able to think straight ‘cause I’m thinking of all the perspectives and dividing my attention up multifold. I wasn’t like this in New Orleans. When I said nothing, I got to listen more; I got to see what I hadn’t seen all this time. Or at least what I didn’t bring into focus all my life. And that was more true sides of my family through their interactions. The fighting over nothing and people from different perspectives. The escalations and how my family just doesn’t understand each other. If anyone else is reading this but me, you can learn more than you can possibly imagine when you say little to nothing, sit back and let the conversation you normally are involved in happen in front of you. Don’t interact, just let it happen. Watch what you don’t pick up. Our compassion is valid; we can also get carried away and not notice what’s fully going on right in front of our faces.

Much changed from that much as I used to. Optimism is ideal in moderation, as is everything else. My father was so aperspective shift. I learned more about where we are as a family and I didn’t brush it under the rug as ngry that my standout silence and being a weird, burdensome stick in the mud of a family vacation was affecting everyone and our time together. Not to mention my sister moved out...........2013? I forget. She had been in Chicago so we don’t see her everyday. Things had changed. I had moved back, but for a small amount of time, mom and dad had the place to themselves. That part of your kids growing up and leaving. He confronted me angrily and I learned something else by what he said. You would think he would say something based on how I’ve prefaced this, but instead what uttered from is angry face was:

“Do you have any idea how much money I’ve spent?!”

Sometimes, maybe many times, the way you say something or the first thing you say reflects where your focus is at. I disagree this is always the case. But in that moment, I believe as a man whose life revolved around providing for his family for 20 years, became focused on that primarily. The man can love. The man loves him family incomprehensibly. Never doubt that. But I learned not only of his perspective but how men (traditionally and mostly) make their life’s purpose of providing....larger than love, communication and interaction. All of that is still there in my father at this point, but when it wasn’t, I learned why.

Back to the point, Missy was graduating. I had been at Jimmy John’s a bit and even though New Orleans was a while ago, I only got worse for vacations. And going to Chicago was..........terrible. My sister had always been a social butterfly and extravertive. Our personalities were now white and black. I didn’t know how to talk to people. I didn’t know how to socialize. I didn’t want to. I’d been burned so much that I forgot how to be a human being, and also tried not to be. The silence and seclusion as people were in my sister’s living room, talking, was bizarre. People would kindly ask me about me and raise small talk and I don’t remember how much I’d say if I said anything. I think I’d straight up ignore people. It was extremely awkward. I was introvertive, shy, quiet, ignoring and reserved like I was an extreme trauma victim or a mute (no offence meant to either an victim of a crippling trauma or mutes). My sister was in love and trying with this man that turned out to be an asshole. But at the time, my sister was showing me her life and a very important man in her life and I was just letting it pass me by. Was it as simple as just getting over it? Faking it and putting on a face? That, is the opposite of who I am, and I couldn’t just shake this off. I was alone for 4 years and upset about it. It changed me so much that you don’t just pull out of that. Who Matthew IS. PERIOD. at this point. IS. too far gone from who he really is and so deeply warped and shaped by his depression that who he IS is hopeless and functionless.

Her boyfriend got me a present. I practically said nothing. I watched my sister graduate. I don’t remember it. This is trauma. This has affected my caring, my memory and my attention span. I’m not myself or a functioning human. PSA: it is possible to get out of the habit of many things you don’t think you could get out of the habit of. Like social interaction, how to talk to people, react to things. It wasn’t the darkest point, but such a troublesome time. I was 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% darkness and 00.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% myself. There has always been a voice inside that never wanted this. That disagreed with the (verbal) self harm I’d convince myself. After a while, if you tell yourself the same thing, whether it’s good or destructive, you’ll believe it. You’ll trick you mind. Same thing with your environment. You become affected and accustomed to your environment to some extent. When you don’t realize it.

But this was never me. Me just got smaller. The darkness took over. The darkness was my Caretaker, which leads me to...

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 5 years

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Hell is For Children: Animorphs as Children’s Lit

[Guest post from Cates!]

So a couple of months ago Bug asked me to write a post about why Animorphs is Middle Grade/Children’s Fiction, not Young Adult. Since she asked, I’ve read several wonderful posts from other people questioning or explaining what the difference is between Middle Grade and Young Adult, where Animorphs fits, and why it matters. Here’s my two cents as a children’s literature scholar.

To start, Animorphs’ 20,000-30,000 word count per book is a big hint it’s not YA fiction. Obviously, a book with a low word count is not automatically a children’s book, and a book with a high word count is not automatically a book for adults. But if Animorphs was aimed at teens, Applegate would likely have been expected to make the books longer. While there are a lot of great YA novels that are as short as or shorter than your average Animorphs book (check out BookRiot’s list of 100 YA novels under 250 pages,) most YA series, and especially fantasy or scifi YA series, are expected to top 100,000 words. (The three books in the Diviners series by Libba Bray have a total wordcount of 520,000 words; Laini Taylor’s Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy tops 400,000 words, for example.)

Animorphs’ word count isn’t enough on its own to exclude the series from YA classification, but Animorphs’ short word count also fits the trend of children’s—not YA—series fiction in the 1990s. In order to understand this trend, and why it produced books specifically for children, not teens, we need to jump back in time to WWII. Because so many American men were drafted into the military, women took over jobs that had been almost exclusively done by men, like mechanics, sales, electricians, etc. When WWII ended, thousands of men returned home, but women didn’t leave the workforce. Realizing they had an excess of young men and not enough jobs, the US government created the GI Bill, allowing soldiers to attend college for free or at a steeply reduced cost, thus stemming the influx of workers and giving the economy and industry room to grow.

At the same time, families were having children (and those children were surviving) at an unprecedented rate. Thanks to the GI Bill, college was no longer something reserved for wealthy white men, but something available to the middle and even lower class. A college education offered social and economic mobility, and the Baby Boomers, children of the GI Bill recipients, became the first generation to grow up with the idea that college was something that could and should be pursued by all.

Then, the Baby Boomers began having children in the late 1970s through early 1990s, meaning a large chunk of those children (including Bug and I) were in elementary school in mid 1990s to early 2000s. Thanks to their parents, a higher percentage of American adults than ever before had attended college. Thanks to advancements in women’s medicine, psychology, sociology, and education, among other fields, people understood as never before the importance of instilling a love of reading in children at a young age. The huge middle class was willing to invest lots of time and money in their children’s educations, because at this point not having a college education was seen as a barrier to success.

I’m sure you can see where this is going. (Kidding).

Children’s publishing exploded in the 1990s because children—or, more accurately, their parents—were seen as a huge, untapped market. Previously, children’s publishing didn’t receive as much money or attention because, the logic went, children did not have money and therefore couldn’t buy books. But then the publishing industry realized that there were literally millions of parents willing to spend money on their children’s education, and publishers like Scholastic, Dutton, Dial, Penguin, Random House, and others rushed to take advantage of this new customer demographic.

Of the ten books featured on this Scholastic bookfair poster from 2000, seven are series fiction.

Serialized fiction—ie, stories that took place over the course of several books about the same characters and/or in the same setting—was the perfect way for publishing houses to capitalize on this new market. And hoo boy was it successful. From 1993 to 1995, Goosebumps books were being sold at a rate of approximately 4 million books a month. That means roughly 130,000 books were sold every day.

Here’s a few names to bring you back: Bailey School Kids, The Magic Treehouse, Babysitter’s Club, Junie B. Jones, Encyclopedia Brown, Cam Jansen, Horrible Harry, Secrets of Droon, The Magic Attic Club, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Bunnicula, The Boxcar Children, The American Girls, Amelia’s Notebook, Dear America, Wayside School, Choose Your Own Adventure…we could keep going for days. All of those series have two things in common: one, they were either published between 1985 and 2005 and/or experienced a huge resurgence in the 90s, and two, they’re all middle grade novels. Some are aimed at younger children, like Junie B. Jones and The Magic Treehouse, and some are aimed at older children, like the Dear America series and A Series of Unfortunate Events.

The point is, Animorphs is so clearly a product of its time (and not just because of the Hansen Brothers references,) it slots perfectly into the trend of series fiction for children. If you want to claim Animorphs is YA, you also need to claim all of the series I just listed above.

Now, let’s talk about the main argument I see in favor Animorphs being YA: the dark content.

This is my personal wheelhouse. I’m planning on someday doing my PhD dissertation on trauma, violence, war, and trauma recovery in Middle Grade—not YA—fiction. I always find it funny when people use descriptors like cute, sweet, innocent, silly, light, and simple to describe children’s books. While there are certainly plenty of children’s books that are one or more of those things, there are also dozens that are the polar opposite—dark, complex, serious, violent, and deep. I once read a review of The Golden Compass which said “it’s not like other children’s books with a clear cut good guy and bad guy and a simple message.” I don’t know how many children’s books the author of the article had read, but I’m guessing not a lot. Let’s just do a blunt reality check with a few of my favorites—including some picture books which are typically for an even younger audience than Middle Grade. Spoilers for all of the books I’m about to mention.

Baseball Saved Us by Ken Mochizuki This book follows a little boy who is sent to a Japanese interment camp during WWII. He and his family deal with abuse, starvation, and sickness. Suggested reading age*? Kindergarten and up.

*(For this and all subsequent books I used reviews from Kirkus, the Horn Book, and School Library Journal to determine suggested reading age.)

Check out this picture of Shorty playing baseball while an armed soldier watches him from a guard tower. Isn’t it cute, sweet, and innocent?

Pink and Say by Patricia Polacco Pink and Say are 15-year-old boys serving as Union Soldiers during the Civil War. Confederate Soldiers kill Pink’s mother, Pink and Say become POWs, and Pink is hanged because he is African American. Suggested reading age? First grade and up.

Fox by Margaret Wild This book starts grim and just gets grimmer. Dog and Magpie have been burned in a wildfire. Dog loses an eye, Magpie a wing. Magpie rides on Dog’s head—she is his eyes, he is her wings. Fox comes and convinces Magpie to leave Dog and come with him. There are definite sexual undertones. The book ends with the possibility that Dog and Magpie will be reunited, but no certainty. Suggested reading age? Six and up.

[The text says “He stops, scarcely panting./ There is silence between them/ Neither moves, neither speaks./ Then Fox shakes Magpie off his back/ as he would a flea,/ and pads away./ He turns and looks at Magpie, and he says,/ ‘Now you and Dog will know what it is like/ to be truly alone.’/ Then he is gone./ In the stillness, Magpie hears a faraway scream./ She cannot tell if it is a scream of triumph/ or despair.”]

Tell me this isn’t a total punch in the gut.

The Rabbits by Shaun Tan The introduction of rabbits to Australia is used as an allegory for European colonization and the casual destruction of the Aboriginals’ lives and cultures. Suggested reading age? Six and up.

The Scarlet Stockings Spy by Trinka Hakes Noble A girl spies on the British during the Revolutionary War while her brother fights. He’s killed and there’s actually a description of her finding the “bloodstained hole” in his coat where the bullet struck him. How cute and silly! Suggested reading age? Second grade and up.

Meet Addy: An American Girl by Connie Rose Porter I think this works as a nice comparison to Animorphs because it’s another long-running, popular series aimed at kids just starting to read chapter books. Among other incidents, there’s a graphic description of Addy watching her brother get whipped by an overseer and a passage where another overseer forces Addy to eat worms. I actually give American Girls a lot of points for not shying away from the uglier parts of history. They don’t always get it right (*cough* Kaya *cough*) but those books are more complex than I think most people realize. Suggested reading age? Second grade and up.

My Teacher Flunked the Planet by Bruce Coville From the sight of a child starving to death to homeless children freezing in the streets, Coville certainly doesn’t avoid the darker side of human nature. Pretty sure most adults only noticed the funny green alien on the cover. Suggested reading age? Fourth grade and up.

“That was the day we crept, invisible, into a prison where men and women were being tortured for disagreeing with their government. What had already been done to those people was so ugly I cannot bring myself to describe it, even though the memory of it remains like a scar burned into my brain with a hot iron.

“Even worse was the moment when it was about to start again. When I saw what the uniformed man was going to do to the woman strapped to the table, I pressed myself against the wall and closed my eyes. But even with my hands clamped over my ears I couldn’t shut out her scream.”

Inside Out and Back Again by Thanhha Lai The Vietnam War, migrants drowning in the ocean, refugee camps, racism…this book is a bit like Animorphs in that it’s got a surprisingly dry sense of humor even as awful events take place. Suggested reading age? Fourth grade and up.

The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Patterson A pretty harsh look at the realities of America’s foster care system as told by a girl who could give Rachel Berenson a run for her money. It’s not afraid to show that parents aren’t automatically good people. Suggested reading age? Third grade and up.

Stepping on the Cracks and Wait Til Helen Comes by Mary Downing Hahn If WWII, bullying, dead siblings, draft dodging, and parental abuse are too light and fluffy for you, you can always read about a child consumed with survivor’s guilt because she started the fire that killed her mother. Suggested reading age? Fifth grade and up.

“‘How do you think Jimmy would feel if he knew his own sister was helping a deserter while he lay dying in Belgium?’

‘It wasn’t like that!’ I said, stung by the unfairness of her question. ‘Stuart was sick, he needed me! I wish Jimmy had been down there in the woods, too! Then he’d be alive, not dead!’

Mother slapped me then, hard as she could, right in the face. ‘Never say anything like that again!’ she cried. ‘Never!’”

I could go on (and on and on and on) about trauma narratives for children, but suffice to say while I think Animorphs is probably the most brilliant one I’ve ever read, it’s far from the only one. Kids’ books can be dark, which is good, because if we only tell stories about white, able-bodied children living in big houses with two loving parents then we’re excluding the majority of real children’s lived experiences from our narratives.

There’s one more point I’d like to address: without sounding overly accusatory, I think a lot of the compulsion to consider Animorphs YA instead of children’s fiction is born of the adult bias against children. I’ve mentioned this before on the podcast, but Children’s Literature scholar Maria Nikolajeva created the term aetonormativity to describe society’s tendency to value the adult over the child. Like I discussed above, we have this idea that children’s books are somehow sweet and innocent, while YA fiction is darker and grittier because it addresses so-called ‘adult’ topics like sex, drugs, suicide, violence, and death.

As I hope I’ve established above, just because a book addresses these topics that doesn’t automatically mean it’s for teens. Books about heavy subjects can, are, and should be written for children. I think most of us are fans of Animorphs because it’s a series that sticks with us long after we close the neon-cloud covers. It’s a series that strongly disputes the notion of a clear right and wrong, and doesn’t shy away from the atrocities of war. And it was written for children. It was sold to children. It was read by children.

Some of us adults are just cool enough to read children’s books that treat child readers with the respect they deserve.

— Cates

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martinnecas · 5 years

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Quick Guide | Carolina Hurricanes: Meet The Team - Opening Night 2019-20

New season means a new quick guide to the roster

2018-19 season

This took me a couple of days to put together so please appreciate it

Want to know how to pronounce a players name?

Click this link!

*All gifs made by me*

Forwards:

☞ Sebastian Aho™️ #20

Yes there is another “Sebastian Aho” from Sweden but he’s usually in the AHL (Bridgeport/Islanders)

Born: July 26, 1997 (22 years old/Leo) from Rauma, Finland

6′0, Centre, 35th overall CAR 2015

Nicknames: Fishy, Seabass, Sepe, Sebu

He’s the face of this franchise and the only player on this team that the Canadian media knows about

Is being held against his will in Raleigh because he wants to play for Montreal if you don’t know the actual story MTL sent him an offer sheet that he signed because he wanted the money and knew Carolina could pay it, but you know how Habs twitter can be.

Possibly the messiest Hurricane

Who’s my daddy?!

Spirit animal is a lion, hear him roar

Avid coffee drinker

Baby face

Painted a picture of his cat one time

☞ Ryan Dzingel #18

Born: March 9, 1992 (27 years old/Pisces) from Wheaton, Illinois

6′0, Centre, 204th overall OTT 2011

Nicknames: Zinger, Dizzy, Dzingel Bells, D-pingel

Played with the Ohio State Buckeyes for 3 seasons, recorded the first hat trick in Big Ten history against Xichigan

Traded to CBJ Feb ‘19, signed with CAR as a free agent summer ‘19

Might need glasses, he squints like that ^ a lot

Golfs... A L O T

Wants to produce for the team so he can stay here in Raleigh and make it his home ♥︎

Jeep guy

Looks uncomfortably similar to Tripp Tracy

UNC fan

☞ Warren Foegele #13

Born: April 1, 1996 (23 years old/Aries) from Markham, Ontario

6′2, Left Wing, 67th overall CAR 2014

Nicknames: Foegs, Foegdaddy

Best friends with Andrei Svechnikov and Dougie Hamilton

Duke fan

Accidentally broke Osh*e’s collarbone but TJ and C*p fans will claim he tried to murder him

Spirit animal is a tiger, also hear him roar

Very easily scared

Duke fan

☞ Erik Haula #56

Born: March 23, 1991(28 years old/Aries) from Pori, Finland

6′0, Left Wing, 181st overall 2009 MIN

Nicknames: Hauls, Haulsy

Moved to Minnesota in 2008 to play hockey in boarding school

Played for the University Of Minnesota Gophers for 3 seasons

Signed with MIN in 2013, was picked up by the VGK in 2017 as a free agent in the Expansion Draft, then traded to CAR summer of 2019 (for Nic Roy & draft pick)

Suffered a pretty bad knee injury in the 2018-19 season

CAKE

Got married this past summer ♥︎

Currently living in Calvin de Haan’s old house

☞ Jordan Martinook (A) #48

Born: July 25, 1992 (27 years old/Leo) from Brandon, Manitoba

6′0, Left Wing, 58th overall 2012 PHX

Nicknames: Marty, Marty Man, Marty Party

Signed with PHX/ARI in 2012, traded to CAR in 2018 (for Krüger)

Raw chaotic dad energy

Doesn’t like corndogs and has a very high pitched scream

His wife gave birth to their first son last season before he got his downstairs fixed in the offseason

LETS GO SVECH

Spirit animal is a dolphin because he has a great impression

There is so much more I want to put on here but you should really just follow his Twitter

☞ Brock McGinn #23

Born: February 2, 1994 (25 years old/Aquarius) from Fergus, Ontario

6′0, Left Wing, 47th overall 2012 CAR

Nicknames: Ginner, Brock McWinn, McPing, the new Mr. Game Seven (that one is kind of a joke though), Big Cock Brock

Single handedly defeated evil not only once but twice on April 24th, 2019, earning him the nicknames “Brock McWinn” and the new “Mr. Game Seven”

Has two brothers who also play professionally; Jamie (NHL) and Tye (AHL) McGinn

Co Owner of the Roanoke Rail Road Dawgs with his brothers and father

His daddy is Bob

Has a high probability of burning his whole house down

Used to be a fighter, but he didn’t fight anyone last season

Thor

Was 3rd in the league with most MsS Post (10) in the 2017-18 season earning him the nickname Brock McPing

☞ Martin Nečas #88

Born: January 15, 1999 (20 years old/Capricorn) from Nove Mesto na Morave, Czech Rebublic

6′2, 12th overall 2017 CAR, “He plays, like, Centre”

Nicknames: Neči, Marty, Nacho, Marto

Your 2019-20 ****** ****** winner

He’s here to fix out PP units, quote me on that

Little hockey stick chain ^

Is known for falling while scoring

Is it avocado or avocaydo?

Hidden talent: Belly dancing

Almost killed the entire team with a golf club last season

Don’t mess with him

Just won the Calder Cup with the Checkers :)

☞ Nino Niederreiter #21

Born: September 8, 1992 (27 years old/Virgo) from Chur, Switzerland

6′0, Right Wing, 5th overall 2010 NYI

Nicknames: El Nino

Was the highest drafted Swizz born player until Hischer in 2017

Signed to the Islanders in 2010, traded to Minnesota in 2013, then traded to Carolina in January 2019 (for Rask)

Was about to take a nap when he was traded

Just when canes fans almost lost hope, Nino showed up and saved our season

When he came to Carolina, someone gave him sweet tea and he really liked it

Was voted best dressed by a couple teammates

Loves the surge

Supports women’s hockey

☞ Jordan Staal (C) #11

Born: September 10, 1988 (31 years ago/Virgo) from Thunder Bay, Ontario

6′4, Centre, 2nd overall 2006 PIT

Nicknames: Stallsy, Jordad, Gronk

Arrested at his brother’s bachelor party

Won the Stanley Cup with the Penguins in 2009

Jordan is the youngest out of the other brothers (Eric, Marc) in the league (NHL) 3rd brother is the youngest and is now a coach

Signed with PIT in 2006, traded to CAR in 2012 (for 8th overall pick, Brandon Sutter and Brian Dumoulin)

Named Captain in the 2017-18 season, became Alternative Captain in 2018-19, is now Captain again in 2019-20

Great at dad jokes

☞ Andrei Svechnikov #37

Born: March 26, 2000 (19 years old/Aries) from Barnaul, Russia

6′2, Right Wing, 2nd overall 2018 CAR

Nicknames: Svech, Mother Russia

Svech is ready

“Just win every game”

Wears #37 because that’s what his brother, Evgeny Svechnikov (DET), wears

Russia = Cold, Raleigh = Hot

Apparently his biggest talent outside of hockey is… magic?

Best friends with Warren Foegele and Dougie Hamilton

Likes to shovel the ice during practice

Me?

Terrible at golf..

.. I mean like really bad

☞ Teuvo Teräväinen #86

Born: September 11, 1994 (25 years old/Virgo) from Helsinki, Finland

5′11, Left Wing, 18th overall 2012 CHI

Nicknames: Turbo, Teukka

Shortest Hurricane

Began with CHI in 2014, traded to CAR in 2016 (along with Bickell for 2nd round pick)

Won the cup with CHI in 2015 (Along with van Riemsdyk)

Has the worst sense of smell ever

I mean come on.. pumpkin? toothpaste?

I could keep going with this I don't know what’s wrong with his nose

Most likely the messiest Hurricane

Would dump Sebastian on the side of the road after 100km

Gets scared REALLY easily

His sisters plays hockey over in Finland (and is pretty good at it too)

☞ Lucas Wallmark #71

Born: September 5, 1995 (24 years old/Virgo) from Umea, Sweden

6′0, Centre, 97th overall 2014 CAR

Nicknames: Wally

My daddy!?

His spirit animal is… a horse?

^ He enjoys watching horse racing

*Straight face* “Snacks!? Candy!?”

Deal with it

Showed up to a U12 and U18 team practice to work on skills with kids

Owns a pug named Lovis

Defense

☞ Joel Edmundson #6

Born: June 28, 1993 (26 years old/Cancer) Brandon, Manitoba

6′4, 46th overall 2011 STL

Nicknames: Crop Top King, Eddy

Won the cup in 2019 with STL and partied in a crop top

True Canadian, ate poutine out of the cup

Traded in September 2019 to CAR (along with Bokk for Faulk and draft pick)

Going to strengthen our PK I promise

Finally, an enforcer

Forgot to take his skate guards off during his CAR preseason debut in front of 18,000 people

Is a barbie girl, living in a barbie world

☞ Haydn Fleury #4

Born: July 8, 1996 (23 years old/Cancer) from Carlyle, Saskatchewan

6′3, 7th overall 2014 CAR

Nicknames: Fleurs

Beat his little brother Cale (MTL) during his NHL debut

Best friends with Trevor van Riemsdyk

Has the cutest dog named Kobe

Won the Calder Cup along with Nečas :)

If you want to giggle watch this

Has the worst witch cackle you will ever hear

Apparently the best golfer on the team

Big Duke fan

☞ Jake Gardiner #51

Born: July 4, 1990 (29 years old/Cancer) from Minnetonka, Minnesota

6′2, 17th overall 2008 ANA

Nicknames: Gards

Played for the University of Wisconsin for 3 seasons

Traded to TOR in 2011, signed as a free agent to CAR in summer 2019

Has the cutest baby

Denied several offers from other teams mtl to play with us instead

Hands down had the best Halloween costume two years ago

☞ Dougie Hamilton #19

Born: June 17, 1993 (26 years old/Gemini) from Toronto, Ontario

6′6, 9th overall 2011 BOS

Nicknames: D-Ham, Doug the Thug, well his real name is Douglas so I guess Dougie is technically a nickname

Tallest Hurricane

Both of his parents are Olympians, brother also plays professional hockey

Started with BOS in 2012, traded to CGY in 2015, then traded to CAR in 2018 (Last remaining player from the huge Hamilton, Ferland & Fox for Lindholm and Hanifin trade)

Best friends with Andrei Svechnikov and Warren Foegele

Porche guy

Grew out a mullet because his hair salon couldn’t take him as a walk in

Jack Edwards complained that he was wearing a number retired from the Whalers so he taped a 6 over the 1 in 19 to make 69

Goes to children's hospitals dressed as woman characters

Lowkey shootout king

Floss

Another Duke fan

Wears the same blazer to every road game

☞ Brett Pesce #22

Born: November 15, 1994 (24 years old/Scorpio) from Tarrytown, New York

6′3, 66th overall 2013 CAR

Nicknames: Pesh

“I play defense bro”

Played for the University of New Hampshire for 3 seasons (2 of those seasons with van Riemsdyk)

Pretty ^

Wears 22 for his dad

He’ll break your ankles

Fortnite squad

Brought his wonderful brother on the mentors trip

Allergic to cats

☞ Jaccob Slavin (A) #74

Born: May 1, 1994 (25 years old/Taurus) from Denver, Colorado

6′3, 120th overall 2012 CAR

Nicknames: Slav-o

The second ‘c’ stands for captain

Faith and family

Played for Colorado College for two seasons

Adopted a beautiful baby girl with his beautiful wife

Has an instagram for his two dogs

His daddy is “Robert”

Not afraid of snakes at all

☞ Trevor van Riemsdyk #57

Born: July 24, 1991 (28 years old/Leo) from Middletown, New Jersey

6′2, Undrafted

Nicknames: TVR, Riems

Agreed to terms with CHI in 2014

Won the cup with CHI in 2015 (along with Teräväinen)

Was picked up by the VGK in the 2017 expansion draft

The next day traded to CAR (for 2nd round pick)

James van Riemsdyk (PHI) is his older brother

Played with the University of New Hampshire for 3 seasons (2 of those seasons with Pesce)

He’s too tired to be scared

March Madness

Best friends with Haydn Fleury

Pride representative for the team

Goalies

☞ Petr Mrázek #34

Born: February 14, 1992 (27 years old/Aquarius) from Ostrava, Czech Republic

6′1, 141st overall 2010 DET

Nicknames: Mrazzle Dazzle, St. Petr

Moved to Ottawa at age 17

Signed with DET in 2014

Was HUGE for them during the 2015 playoff run

Traded to PHI in Feb ‘18, signed as a free agent with CAR in July ‘18

Stylish

He had custom hats made for every player on the team

Always has Peter Griffin in his helmet design

Signature move: Poke Check

☞ James Reimer #47

Born: March 15, 1988 (31 years old/Pisces) from Morweena, Manitoba

6′2, 99th overall 2006 TOR

Nicknames: Optimus Reim, The Statue, Reims

Debuted with TOR in 2010, traded to SJS Feb ‘16

Signed with FLA as a free agent summer ‘16, traded to CAR summer ‘19 (for Darling and a 2020 6th round pick)

Has two kids

Really good swimmer

You may recognize this famous goalie meme, that’s right, that's him

Optimus Reim helmet art

He looks so much like Weston from Love Island USA

Honorable Mention

☞ Julien Gauthier #44

I’m including him because everyone expected him to make the team as he did phenomenal in the preseason (playing all 6 games) but due to cap space (and our horrid pp units), he was sent back down.

Born: October 15, 1997 (turning 22/Libra) from Pointe-aux-Trembles, Quebec

6′4, Right Wing, 21st overall 2016 CAR

Nicknames: Goat, Gauths, Jules

Big boy

Bilingual (French/English)

Cute accent

His uncle played 554 games in the NHL (Denis Gauthier)

Both his father and grandfather were professional bodybuilders

That explains his muscles

The best thighs in the league (not up for debate)

Also won the Calder Cup this past season with Haydn Fleury and Martin Nečas

Head Coach

☞ Rod Brind’Amour #17

Roderick Jean Brind’Amour

Born: August 9, 1970 (age 49 years/Leo) from Ottawa, Canada

6′1, Centre, 9th overall 1988 STL

Nicknames: Rod the Bod, RBA

Played with Michigan State for one season

Started with STL in the playoffs of ‘88, traded to PHI in ‘91, traded to CAR in 2000

Captain of the 2006 CAR Stanley Cup winning team

Played 20 seasons, 1,484(GP) 452(G) 732(A) 1,184(P)

Became head coach for the 2018-19 season

First year as HC broke the team’s 9 year playoff drought and brought them all the way to the ECF

Is known for his extreme workouts

Still in better shape than 98% of the league

Could very well still lace up and play better than 80% of the league

Lives rent free in W*lson’s and Reirden’s heads

Gives the best post-game speeches

President & General Manager

☞ Don Waddell

I really just wanted an excuse to put this gif in here

Coached the 1998 DET Stanley Cup winning team

Named Pres. & GM of CAR in May ‘18

Owner

☞ Tom Dundon

Lives rent free is Habs fans minds

Estimated net worth is $1.1 billion?

Majority owner of TopGolf (55%)

Chairman of the Alliance of American Football

Purchased 52% of CAR in January 2018 for $420million

Likes to hang around team/fan events

Stays in the same hotel as me lol

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moldy-mold · 5 years

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Diary Post: My Thoughts and Processes on Making “Silent Strength” It’s lengthy, taking place over long period of time. Mainly written for my future-self to remember what I went through, but also for anyone who is curious. Now that the project is over, I can post without reservations. There are certain things I need to keep secret though, so if I’m vague I do so intentionally!

Basically, a lot of number-crunching, physical labor, and psychological labor.

It started off as kind of a joke tweet I made. I had enough content to make a Tales Of art book and people were receptive to it. So… I thought maybe I could go somewhere with this. A few weeks later, I suddenly had a lot of Kratos art. Like. 80% of all my Tales art was Kratos. It didn’t make sense to make a broad Tales Of book when really most of it was Kratos.

I hadn’t made a book since I was in college despite it being one of my favorite things to do. They were never art books, just some editorial design projects that totally didn’t count. This book… would be my first-ever art book.

Several times, I came close to having enough art to print a book - the last time was my large collection of Yusuke Kitagawa, but the quality wasn’t where I wanted. At that time, I was still experimenting with my iPad Pro and figuring out Procreate, so that was what I used him for.

NGL, I was pretty afraid of looking like a clown. After doing all this work, what if no one actually buys it? I was talking to some friends and they said they would buy it. It was enough for me. In the end, I’m creating something that I love. - The first thing I really wanted to work on was the cover. It needed to be epic but also mysterious (lol)… It was a good time to practice lighting and backgrounds. The cover had to be freaking Fantastic. I spent 3 days drawing nonstop. I was on vacation so I could spend full days just drawing. It was really intense. I would stop in the evenings to go for a run or else my legs would never get circulation again.

The hardest part was keeping it secret. I wanted to share it with the world right away bc I was so proud of it. Well, all I could do was show it to my parents and some close friends. They didn’t know who Kratos is, but it was obvious I was crazy about him.

Initially, I was doing some hand-lettering for the zine title instead of using a typeface. Tbh, I was so sure I was naming this zine “Blame Your Fate!” bc that is such an iconic line. But it just didn’t work with my cover, which looked… a little too serene for that. So… Silent Strength or Divine Strength? I asked around and got my answer.

But what size? All of my art has been on letter canvases. I wanted it to be large so you could see the details in the art. I’ll just start with that. - Luckily, I had all my Kratos-related art in one place. I started my InDesign file and threw everything in there just to see what it looked like. Man, I draw a lot of boxes… But I didn’t want them all next to each other. I also wanted to kinda organize it by the people Kratos hangs out with. There’s a Yuan section LOL… and a Lloyd section… and an Anna section. Idk, I tried to get some kind of order in there with a sprinkling of full spreads here and there to keep it fresh and interesting for the eyes.

I hadn’t worked with InDesign on such an intense level since college. I forgot all of the tips and tricks we learned in class. Spent some time reading on how to do things again… like adding page numbers. - I started drafting my pre-order form. It’s my first time making a google form like this. It’s kind of fun? I spent a long time on it, despite how simple it was. This was going to be my “Store” so it had to look and sound good. - My friend introduced me to charm-making. It seemed easy enough, and I wanted to give my zine more oomph. Besides, I’ve always wanted to make a charm.

I remember someone saying they’d buy a book of just the 4 Seraphim if it existed. I like them too and they lack art imo. In the end, I decided to do a polaroid charm. It’s not really that unique but I wanted Kratos to have actual friends to hang out with for once LOL.

She was going to do a group order to try to reduce the costs. I thought maybe 4 weeks would give me enough time. In the end she said I only have 2. I work well under pressure, so needless to say, I did make that deadline. I actually sketched the whole thing on the plane headed home. - After playing the game the second time, watching the OVA again, and reading “Offerings to a Star,” I have gained a real soft spot for Yuan. My friend once said, “If you weren’t stolen away by Kratos, you would be in love with Yuan.” Lol. I’ve been in a “Kratos and Yuan hanging out” mood lately, so of course I needed something good for the zine. They’re so cute together! Now… what is the bro-est thing I can draw?

I was currently in Florida for my friend’s wedding. I was friends with the groom and his best man since high school, so that makes it 10 years now. Seeing how they’re still friends after all this time, despite living in opposite sides of the country, was really moving to me. Of course, me being me, I could see Kratos and Yuan’s long friendship being similar to this, if they had gone to school together. I just had to draw it. - When I got back from vacation, I did some research on zine sizes. Mine was HUGE compared to others. I just didn’t quite realize it until I held a magazine in my hands. It really is huge…

I settled for a medium size. 7x9. I really liked how it looked. Petite but not too petite. Unfortunately resizing my book had messed up my artwork placement so I spent hours rearranging all the text and resizing my images. I found out afterwards that there’s a way to retain the format while changing the document size. Gee, that would have been helpful 4 hours ago.

Sadly, choosing a custom size booklet makes printing more expensive. But I wanted it badly enough that I’d be willing to pay for it. Letter size is just too large… - I decided to stop dragging my feet and post a promo. I just really needed a deadline for myself to get this all done before July ended. I’m happy it was well-received. A lot of people like Kratos huh…

Anyway, the pre-order is due in a week and I still don’t know what all the costs are yet. I need a physical proof ASAP to weigh at the post office! - Something possessed me one day to do another drawing. I don’t usually do painterly style (mainly because it’s really difficult and takes 10x longer) but I just REALLY wanted to push myself on this Final Piece to the zine. I wanted it to be… radiant. Almost religious. I worked on it obsessively. From breakfast to sundown. The only time I would stop was at 7pm to go running or else my legs would give out on me.

Call me crazy, but I would save my progress on my phone so I could examine it for errors during my warmup. I also spend an hour examining it for errors before going to bed. It’s a miracle I hadn’t dreamt of the painting. - I sent my files in on Sunday in hopes that they start working on it first thing on Monday…. and it HAPPENED! They finished before I even woke up. I think they start work at like 6am…

Of course, I drove over there as soon as I heard so I can get a look. “Please… please let the colors be okay,” I prayed as I was driving. I barely remember driving there, I was so lost in thought. It would be another long ordeal if I had to fix all the colors.

Thank the stars. The press proof looked BEAUTIFUL!! I was screaming to the client coordinator how much I loved it. I mean, I worried for a looooong time that everything would turn out too dark (it usually does) but it was PERFECT. I was especially worried about the cover, which contained a lot of yellow and I def did not want it to come out mustardy… But it was great in the end!

The press operator is a quiet man. He’s got a scary face and never smiles but I think he’s secretly nice. He has done a lot of favors for me in the past without my asking. He was the one to print, bind, and trim the book for me. Obviously he had to have seen what I was drawing. I wonder what he thought of it…? He walked away before I could express how happy and thankful was. He didn’t need to hear it. It was like he already knew. So cool…

I immediately took it to the post office to weigh it. I needed as much info as I could get and plus, I was dying to know for myself. This is the week I was supposed to open pre-orders and there was still a lot I needed to do. Take pictures, create mockups, pricing, etc.

NGL, all of these costs were building up fast. It was so darn expensive to make a zine while also keeping prices down. But I wanted so much more for my baby. Extra glossy cover, perfect binding!! I knew by the end of this, I probably wouldn’t make much money. It hurt a little, but I tried to think that it was for the greater good. Learning experience and all that. And creating something beautiful. Especially something beautiful of Kratos. - Pricing was really the hardest part. I pretty much threw profit out the window. However, I definitely did not want to be losing money. My dad and I had worked together to create a spreadsheet of expenses to make sure my head was above water. I followed it… loosely.

My friend came to talk to me at the right moment. I was sort of panicking at the prices. She made me realize I was thinking way too hard about it and gave me some tips based on her own experience. It really put my mind at ease talking to someone who understands my woes.

The truth of the matter is, the book is wonderfully made and has a lot of pages - countless hours of drawing. There is only so much I can do about pricing. It is what it is… I just needed to come to terms with my own worth. - Boy, what am I going to do once the zine is done? My friend says that I’ll be so over Kratos that I’ll stop drawing him (but the love remains). It’s like… all of the intense planning, working, struggling nonstop will just suddenly… stop. TBH, I’m running out of ideas. I spent it all on the zine. - Photoshoot today. I had to paint my nails purple for this occasion. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the look I wanted in the apartment. It’s just so naked without props. I think I’ll take it to a cafe for some nicer backgrounds. I talked it over with my friend and decided to do a quick flip-through of the zine as a promotional video. I used the most professional video program I had on hand… Snapchat. It actually turned out pretty legit and of course I slapped stickers on there because it’s Snapchat.

I had to tape/hide some of the pages for the video because I wasn’t actually done with the drawings. I had the printers print it anyway so I could examine it for color accuracy.

I’m really stressed about pricing now. It turns out I had a lot more international fans than I anticipated. I wish I took notes on interest earlier in the game to cater to them. I had a list of “possible buyers” and I only just now decided to check where they live? Foolish.

I did another cost analysis on paper to figure out what my goal was to make up for the charms. Right now they’ve cost me a fortune for something that was supposed to be giveaway. Other things that rack up are packaging costs, PayPal fees, and some other supplies I needed for this project.

Maybe I shouldn’t have made it 40 pages. It is an impressive number, but no one is really paying for quantity. I think 25 is a better number lol. If I had done that, I could have had my super-gloss cover like I wanted. :’(

There is hope though. And I’ve placed it in the hands of my followers to come through for me. I think I’ll open pre-orders on Saturday or Sunday, depending on what I finish. - “Losing your cool will only lead to poor decisions.”  Thanks, Kratos twitter bot. You always know what to say.

I read this post today on what makes people buy zines. Very interesting!  https://twitter.com/andythelemon_/status/1141469048653398019 - Photoshoot part 2 today. My friend and I went to a cafe nearby that had some nice atmosphere in hopes of finding the right shots. I brought all of my Kratos merch just in case. I’m glad I did though, since the tables were pretty sparse and it was difficult to capture the backgrounds without getting a bunch of random people in it too.

I would have been the photographer, but I definitely wanted my hands in the shots. In a way, it was meaningful - to show that this was made by my own two hands. Plus, I wanted to depict natural interaction with the product. It made it feel real.

The photos were cute! I feared it would look a little amateurish with all the merch in there, but I think fun was what I was really going for, not “professional.” And plus the flip-through was a Snap anyway LOL. As long as the photos have good lighting and tasteful composition, you really can’t go wrong with “fun.”

Now that I’ve finished editing my photos, there really isn’t anything holding me back from opening pre-orders. I’ve pretty much come to terms with my pricing. If I fail to break even, I’ll just have to open commissions to try to make up for it. I was telling my friend on the way home, “I gave this zine EVERYTHING I had to give. So at the very least, I won’t be disappointed in myself.” No stone left unturned, no detail left unchecked. It was perfect according to my standards. I really love my zine okay?!

I thought I was crazy for not only choosing a small fandom, I narrowed it down even further by picking ONE GUY to make this zine about. She replied, “Even if it’s small, those people who love him now must be EXTREMELY LOYAL to still be in love with a character from a 15-year-old game. All of them will want your zine.” - I went to bed that night with the intention of making the pre-order post live in the morning. I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake until at least 5 or 6 am. Luckily, I was able to doze off for a an hour or two before I would shake myself awake again. It was a mixture of anxiety and excitement. It was the moment of truth - to see if all my effort made a difference. Was it going to sell? - The pre-order post looked really freaking good. I’ll give it that. I even made a YT account just to post that darn preview video on tumblr lol. It was definitely fun seeing everyone’s excitement and we all just freaked out together.

I broke even! That’s what really matters. Honestly at this point, I couldn’t care less if I made profit or not. I now know how much people really like the zine and that alone made me so happy I could die.

I was particularly fascinated at Google Form’s ability to transfer all the data collected into a spreadsheet. That is extremely helpful. I spent hours organizing the data. It was really fun…?! Now I can tell who gets invoiced and who paid and separate them into categories. IT’S FANTASTIC!

Stayed up late researching how much adding tracking could be. I had a slight panic attack thinking “what if my books got lost in transit?” It would really hurt me to have to reprint books and ship them again. And then I realized I will need to fill out customs forms for all international orders. Yikes, I’m gonna be living at the post office lol. You can print them out at home if you fill out the form online but there are still some things I’m uncertain about. I may visit the post office later this week to ask all my questions. - This morning I sent out everyone’s invoices. I gave the international people the option to purchase tracking. It’s expensive… but I need to provide that option just in case.

I received a nice message from someone who offered to advertise for me on Instagram. Of course, I gave them the OK! I’m really so shocked they would do that… They said the liked the zine so much it deserved more exposure. My dude… I love you… T_T

I thought about advertising on insta myself earlier in the week. For some reason I felt it was going to be fruitless since I don’t have an art account on there with a following. So, I gave up on the idea. Hey it worked out in the end.

I’ve never been so organized in my entire life. I want this zine experience to be perfect. The people have placed their trust in me, so I cannot mess up. - Edited some pages in the zine. The typography must be perfect… It made me think back to undergrad days in graphic design school. Man, if only I can present this as a project - photos, videos, matching accessories and all. I’d probably get an A lol. - Orders slow down after the first day. The rest is just about getting new people to see the post and giving other people more time to decide.

I finished my Kratos stationery today. It’s going to be so cute. My friend said people would want to buy it but I don’t have it in me to do more products at this time. Plus, I want it to be a surprise.

Why make stationery? Well my real job (no, I don’t draw Kratos all day for a living) is a stationery designer! It would feel really wrong not to put into practice what etiquette I’ve learned in this business. Plus, I felt that it was necessary to properly thank all those who ordered. And it’s fun?

I started designing the shipping labels for the domestic orders since I don’t need to fill out a customs form for those. I wish I had sticker labels but… it’s okay. It will still look good in the end. - Every so often, I would get nervous at the amount of money I’m responsible for. Perhaps, if I had a store with existing products I wouldn’t feel this way, but the fact that the books haven’t been printed yet made me scared. I know, I need this money to even print the books in the first place, but I’m just baffled at my customers’ trust in almost a total stranger. I felt pressured that I could not let them down and lose that trust. It probably didn’t help that I watched a documentary on Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) that day.

So, I prayed every single day that nothing would go wrong. I’d check my spreadsheet constantly for any mistakes. It was a little obsessive, but I would rather be that than overlook something.

I began collecting cardboard boxes. My plan was to cut them up to protect the books during transit. I would have preferred hard envelopes but they were a bit pricey. If I have to do more work myself, so be it.

I’ve been getting nice DMs from some buyers. I think my invoice due date scared them… I really did not intend to be strict, but I wanted people to pay now if they can rather than forget about it. This happens at work all the time, so the best thing to do is have it due immediately. It would not look good to have to wait on stragglers when I close pre-orders, so I’ll probably reach out when there is one week left. - My Kratos stationery arrived! Aww it is SO CUTE!!! My babies… I have a lot of notes to write so I got started right away. It’s going to be a lot of work trying to come up with creative ways to say “thank you,” but I don’t mind. I said I was going to put my all into the zine experience so I will.

At long last, the charm order has been put in motion. My friend said it could take a while… I hope it won’t be longer than 3 weeks. I really do not want to keep everyone waiting. I may ship out the ones who did not win a charm first. I mean, there is no reason to make those guys wait. I should ask the charm winners if they still want to wait and see if anyone wants to give it up for someone else who is more patient. Hm. - I finally stopped by the post office today to collect customs forms. I have my work cut out for me since I’m filling all of them in by hand. D:

I’m not used to international addresses so I think I’ll ask for help in checking them for spelling errors and typos. Heaven forbid I mess up on the very last part of the zine experience.

In my nervousness, I decided to reach out about invoices early on. If someone wanted to cancel, I would rather find out sooner rather than later. Everyone was really nice about paying and thank goodness they’re still excited.

Feeling kind of overwhelmed by all the things I need to do, but it’s a good thing. If I don’t know what to do, I can either: cut cardboard, write letters, type shipping labels, draw more Kratos for a… possible volume 2? Someone I talked to today already said they’ll pre-order a second book if I make one. Omg I think I’ll die. But we’ll see. It’s just a joke right now haha… - Preorders end today. I had another nightmare last night that the books could not be printed properly and there was nothing I could do. Why do I keep getting nightmares about the zine! I had one a few days before about people canceling their orders when I asked them about the invoices. I’ll take these dreams with a grain of salt. I’m probably just stressed/worried but everything is going to be okay. When I open my eyes, nothing is on fire.

I received my final proof a few days ago. With all of the artwork completed and changes applied. The book looks good, no doubt about it. There was only one thing I was nit-picky about but it can be fixed. The press operator offered to print another book for me to inspect. I’ll go see it on Monday and then submit the rest of the orders. I also asked to to have a meeting with the press operator so we are on the same page. It would be beneficial to have an understanding of how my book is made so that I may be more helpful to him.

I spent the day preparing shipping labels. I hate to admit, I am not too familiar with the format international addresses so I had an address validator open as I was typing them in. For the most part, everyone was helpful in already formatting their addresses in the preorder form! - My parents called me the day after preorders were closed. They wanted to say congratulations on my success. No one thought it would do this well. I couldn’t be offended by that since I was also guilty of it. I’m happy though. It feels like my love spread across the world and was contagious.

I tried to think of what advice I would give to others. Obviously, genuine love for the subject and hard work were a necessity. But it would be good to consider value. If I were selling it at this price, I had to make sure my pieces and presentation looked the part. I ask myself, if someone else sold it, would I buy it?

I sent out messages to all the charm winners in the morning. I wanted to apologize profusely at the ridiculous amount of time it has taken to get them made. But no, I’ve got to stop apologizing. I stated the facts and left it at that. Everyone was really kind and patient⁠—to which I was thankful for. I don’t usually get that when I’m working customer service. - All the books were done printing in one day. Wow! I went to pick it up immediately of course. I can’t believe all of this is coming to an end. I finished preparing the mailers. All that was left was to stuff and seal the domestic orders. They were the easiest to do so I’m going to ship those first. The rest will need customs forms, which I haven’t filled out just yet. It’s going to be a while for those…

The mailers were quite sturdy with the cardboard cutouts I slipped in them. I have nothing to worry about. I’m sure my babies will be okay! - I took a whole box of domestic orders to the post office today. Wasn’t sure what to expect. But my clerk had to input every single address one at a time while I checked for errors. Omg, why are the post office shipping labels SO HUGE. I thought it was going to be half the size. And they’re ruining my designer labels! Slight panic but oh well…

I had a long long line behind me. I’m so sorry, people. Luckily there were two clerks or I would be really sweating. Despite my intimidating box of zines, the clerk and I had Synergy and we managed to ship all of these in about 15 minutes. I received a very long receipt and quite the bill lol. - Shipped the international orders today. I was kind of a mess since I had no idea what to do. I keep wondering if I can help speed up the process in any way but I don’t think I have the option to ship first-class at home.

When shipping international, keep the post office copy of the customs forms together with the package since they use that to type the address info into the system. Also, we get free tracking, which I did not know about. The other clerk told me that we did not get tracking for international first-class but I guess he was misinformed. It’s good to know for next time. - The charms finally arrived!! And THEY’RE HOLOGRAPHIC?! It was pretty awesome, but it makes picture-taking kind of difficult!! Anyway, I was a tiny bit disgruntled that they got my order incorrect, and I even asked for a reprint. But they said no, so I left it at that. Besides, it seems the holographic effect was well-received.

I like this size that I made. It’s really cute! Larger than your normal charm but not too huge. It’s almost like an Instax photo! - There was one customer who I found lives near me! I asked her if she wanted me to hand-deliver it to her in a public setting and she agreed (to my amazement). We finally met a few days ago and talked for hours and hours lol! I’m glad to have finally made a new friend here in this town but of course she’s moving away in two weeks. <:’3

We’re going to meet again to make the most of her time left. - I shipped the rest of the orders on the following Monday. I HAD to get these out. The poor guys have been waiting over a month! I think I picked a bad time to go because I had a huge line behind me and only one guy working. People in line were getting antsy or mad. The clerk at the other post office was super fast but not this guy…

For some reason shipping to the UK and Japan nearly doubled in price since the last time I checked. RIP. T_T - Omg I finally made a mistake. I wrote a letter to the wrong person. And the contents of that letter are too personalized!!! I am dying of embarrassment!!!!! Screams!! Had to apologize to both customers too!!! Luckily they were good sports about it but I’m seriously kicking myself AAAAAAAA!!!! - The most rewarding part after sending all my babies away is seeing the commentary on my project. It is so so nice to receive positive feedback. People are happy! Happy with something I created out of thin air. Everything was worth it 1000 times over. I can die happy!

I’m especially thankful to those who show understanding for how much effort went into it. It definitely wasn’t easy and I poured way too many hours into it… not that I regret that.

I don’t want to jump the gun but I would really love to make a volume 2. Because I know I can do better than last time. New and improved art and comics! But we’ll see if I make enough pieces for another book. I was against printing 40 pages before but now I kind of like it. It feels more worth it than a 25-page zine. If i’m going though so much effort, might as well bring in the entire package.

I’ll be printing more of this volume for Aselia Con 2020. Now I know people will appreciate it.

#diary

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thoughtfulmindings · 3 years

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Highschool Retrospective

August 2021

Ten years ago, I chronicled my feelings about my last year of high school and my experiences. Every month, starting from August, I wrote a paragraph about how I felt and what I was doing. Like most things in my life, I did not complete this retrospective. I stopped chronicling in February, around 4 months before graduation. However, I kept my draft saved. Now that my education has stopped in its entirety, and 10 years have passed since I first started the retrospective, I figured now was as good of a time as any to post it in all of its (mostly) unedited glory.

August 2011

So in a couple of days, I am about to start my last year of highschool. It’s looking like a bittersweet moment. Part of me is super excited because well its my last year! I've been wanting to experience grade 12 for a long time and now I'm so close! Also, I'm so ready to stop going to my high school and facing the same drama over and over again. I'm ready to embrace the world and start working toward my dreams. But then a part of me recoils at the thought of being out there, in the "real world" as youngster's so eloquently put it. I don't want to leave my friends. I want to continue spending time with them just laughing and growing, not worrying about the future. I don't want to leave them and lose our closeness. I don't want to leave the safe place I've created with my school and all of them.

September 2011

So a month has gone by since school started. We got some new students, but on the whole, it seems like nothing else has changed. Everyone is still the same person with the same quirks and habits. First month has been a little challenging as there is a lot more homework this year and it’s ridiculous how I find myself with so little time. I'm also class president which means that I'm constantly thinking of ways to improve our grad class legacy and make everyone bond closer. As well as thinking for long periods of times, I'm also devoting myself to my studies as I'm aiming for class valedictorian. Life is definitely a tad bit more stressful than I'm used to but its not a panicky stress, its more of a motivated stress. As its very early into the year, I'm saved from the panic of applying to universities and working on my grad portfolio like crazy. As things go, its been a good first month, let's wait and see what the other months bring.

October 2011

So this month has definitely been a mixed bag of emotions. I feel like I've been really moody these past few weeks. Also, weirdly enough, it feels like this month went by so fast but dragged on at the same time. Lol I can't even explain it. Anyways, the homework load has remained the same, but the responsibility load has gone up in more ways than one. As president I find myself so ridiculously busy with bookings for events, making plans, making decisions, its crazy. And as a graduating student I find myself stressing over ways of improving my chances of getting into university and looking for volunteer opportunities. And as the potential valedictorian I find myself working furiously to maintain my average and keep it high. I definitely feel like I've been working overtime. Just hope I can continue working like this without breaking down/ overworking myself. I'm sorta glad that this month has gone by but apprehensive because with every passing month, I'm getting closer to applying for universities and graduating, which brings up its own personal stress issues.

November 2011

This month has been really tiring, simply put. Mentally, it feels like this month has gone by fast and it was hardly even here, but my aching body agrees to differ. I've been so tired this entire month, its crazy. November was enveloped by the annual class trip that happened. In fact, the first week of November was spent furiously working hard to plan the trip and make sure it went without a hitch. The second week was the actual trip and that too was quite exhausting as it messed with our normal body clock and was quite hassling when it came to all the events attended. The third week was filled up by hastily perfecting and finishing assignments and all missed homework as report cards were due. The fourth week was marred by all the arguing going on in class. Seriously, this month has definitely been challenging; it really pushed me to the limit when it came for my duties as class president. I've been so tired keeping my grades up because my system is still messed up from the class trip. Soon enough I have to focus my energies on keeping fit, staying healthy, finding volunteer opportunities, working on university applications, among other things. I'm really hoping the next month will be better, mentally and physically.

December 2011

Honestly, it’s sorta hard to remember this month; it’s gone by so fast. When I think of December, the only thing that comes to mind is the Christmas concert. My school hosts a christmas performance every year, and this year, as a part of the drama class, I was in it. My drama teacher was crazy during this time. Honestly, everything was put on hold except for the performance. During other classes, my fellow students and I would be practising our lines for the performance or getting the props ready. It wasn't really that stressful, well not for me anyways, but it was definitely a busy time. Anyways, school ended pretty quietly and winter vacation started. Vacation is always a great thing, but this time, it felt God-sent. Everyone had been in need of time away from the school and each other. Personally, my vacation has been pretty relaxed and fun. However, I have been working on graduating and applying for universities too. Everything has honestly been wonderful. The only thing that sucks is that this vacation is ending soon, and that means its time to go back to the vortex that's called school.

January 2012

The beginning of this year kicked off with a somber start. The death of a family member really put a damper on things and subsequently, our new year was not welcomed with pomp and circumstance. That said, January wasn't bad the entire time. It had its good times like the class party, winter carnival, and school lockdown lol, which unfortunately also happened to be the day one of our fellow classmates moved towns. Reflecting back, January was a pretty busy month. University applications were completed, new projects were conceived, and the school term finally ended. Honestly, January entered and passed quietly. Although it was a little odd to start off the new year and month so quietly, it was also sort of nice to have a quiet month. It was definitely stressful, but it was still quite quiet. A nice quaint little month surprisingly. Alas, with the ending of every month, I'm coming closer to graduating, waiting for university acceptances, and working on my graduation transitions.

February 2012

I feel like February went by very fast. I'm mean, sure I was stressed about a lot of things, especially yearbook and film-making, but at the same time, it feels like it was a chilled out month. Everything was the same as usual. I guess I slacked off a little bit during this month. I don't know, its probably because of all the interesting events too. This month, I went skiing, had a couple days off from school, volunteered at places, and went to parties. I'm assuming that these events gave everyone breaks to recuperate from school, despite not being super long. I don't know, I'm rambling. This month has been a pleasant surprise, which is odd because I don't remember February every being nice lol. Anyways, too bad the next month is stressful. I just hope I don't lose all motivation by the end of the year.

#personal #school #retrospective #feelings #graduation

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spaceclefairy · 4 years

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The Gentle Art of Making Enemies, Ch. 14

Pairing: Michael de Santa/ OFC; Trevor Philips/OFC; Michael de Santa/OFC/Trevor Philips; Michael de Santa/Trevor Philips

Summary: Los Santos is a hellscape, but if you've got brains and a little determination, it can be a real hell of a playground. Michael needs money, Trevor needs whatever Trevor wants, and Franklin's moving up in Los Santos. Jen's just along for the ride.

This is gonna be fun.

Author’s Note: I've been writing this beast of a thing since 2013. It's been through a thousand different incarnations, but it's been in my drafts for the last six years. I realize this fandom isn't as popular as it used to be, but I might as well have a little fun and finally start posting it.

Also, not to be that bitch, but this is on Ao3. I would very much appreciate kudos/comments, if you’re so inclined!

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7 || Part 8 || Part 9 || Part 10 || Part 11 || Part 12 || Part 13

--- --- --- --- ---

Michael hadn’t exactly planned to lend a hand to Trevor Philips Enterprises, but lo and behold, he was once again rinsing blood out from under his fingernails in the spigot behind Trevor’s trailer.

Those fuckin’ O’Neal brothers. Trevor didn’t get rid of all of them the first time he razed their farmhouse to the ground, and they’d come back with a vengeance. They’d had to hunt down the remaining three brothers when the hillbillies tried to bolt through the woods. One of them (who knows which one) managed to get hold of Michael just before he’d been shot in the back of the head by Franklin in the chopper.

Trevor, of course, was ecstatic when they arrived back at his trailer. The last of his competition was gone, save for the Chinese syndicate. He’d hooted and hollered all the way back to Sandy Shores, proud as he could be to have slaughtered the entire family. Michael didn’t see the appeal, but nor did he care that he’d put a bullet in one of them himself.

The minute they’d returned back to the trailer, Trevor had gone off on one of his walks with Patricia Madrazo. Michael also didn’t see the appeal in a murderous drug lord’s sixty-year-old wife, but Trevor had always been weird when it came to his unrelenting infatuation with anyone unlucky enough to catch his attention.

Actually, Trevor had been weirder than usual, which was saying something since he’s always been fuckin’ weird. He’d take his long walks with Patricia and return positively skipping with joy. Michael hadn’t even been insulted or mildly accosted when he had been forced to go along with Trevor to check on Chef’s contributions to Trevor Philips Enterprises (tons of the most impeccable meth).

Michael concluded that a happy Trevor was more unnerving than a Trevor who wanted to string him up by his toes and cut off his balls.

Yet despite Trevor’s newfound infatuation with Patricia Madrazo, he still hadn’t given up on convincing Michael to share Jen – an idea that had left Michael on edge the past few weeks. Trevor would bring it up casually, just to see if he could trip Michael up. He’d lament on just how good Jen looked last time she drove up to Sandy Shores, how Michael couldn’t possibly be enough for her. In sharp contrast to the ever-simmering temper, Michael managed to just ignore him or flat-out told him no, but Trevor was relentless all the same. And, as they both well knew, when Trevor gets an idea in his mind, he doesn’t let it go.

Michael couldn’t put his finger on why he was reluctant. As possessive as Michael could be, he’d never really had a problem sharing when it came to casual sex. And it’s not like he and Trevor didn’t have a history of sharing. Quite the opposite, in fact. They’d shared other people, shared each other – hadn’t been much of a problem back in the day.

Casual. And that’s what this was with him and Jen, right? He did his thing, she did hers – no questions asked. Same as it had always been. Same as it had been with Trevor all those years ago. Good, casual, extramarital fuckin’, with no strings attached.

So why was he so reluctant?

Because it’s Jen, and Michael doesn’t want to share.

Michael is, all things considered, right down to the deepest parts of himself, notoriously, vehemently jealous. He knows it. His therapist told him that. Fuckin’ Amanda told him that every day. Frankly, he’d always either been too jealous about his partners or didn’t care at all. He hadn’t been that way with Amanda at first, but he’d become that way. But whatever their arrangement, whatever he or Jen did with anyone else, Michael had always been that way with Jen. Whether she knew or whether he wanted to admit it, Jen was Jen, and Jen had always been different.

Besides, Michael didn’t know if Jen would even be up for something like that. He’d never asked, and she hadn’t asked him, either. When they were together, it was just them – he’d never wanted to share.

But, on the other hand, it might be fun to do something different, even if it’s with Trevor. Even if he told himself he wouldn’t get involved like that with Trevor again.

What’s the harm, all the way out here in the desert?

And that was, once again, the topic of conversation for tonight: sharing Jen. Or, more accurately, Trevor sharing Michael and Jen.

Michael wiped his wet hands on his pants. The pants were already ruined, so he didn’t much care if he got anything on them. He inspected his hands and found that he still had dried blood under his nails. The blood, dark and grainy, had collected down close to the quick where the water couldn’t reach.

Trevor had been similarly hosing himself down just over the fence in Ron’s yard, having just returned from his walk with Patricia Madrazo. He’d just stripped down to his underwear, completely bereft of shame, and tossed his clothes in Ron’s laundry basket to be cleaned. Once he was sufficiently drenched and marginally less bloody, he hopped back over the fence to invade Michael’s space once more.

“You still checking your manicure?” Trevor asked, leaning right down into Michael’s space. He stuck his head up under the spigot and opened his mouth, letting the water run down his throat, before drenching his hair. “Too pretentious to get your hands dirty?”

“Fuck you.”

Trevor grabbed a pair of his threadbare sweats and one of his infamous white t-shirts down from the laundry line outside the door and pulled them on. “I keep asking and you keep saying noooo…”

“Give it a fuckin’ rest, T,” Michael snapped, shaking his head. He stomped up onto the front porch and took a seat on the top porch step. “I’m not getting into this with you today.”

Trevor gestured down at himself vaguely. “Seems like getting’ into this today would do you some good.”

Yeah, Trevor had long since given up on subtlety, if he’d ever been subtle (he hadn’t been). The only way to maybe head this off would be to change the subject.

Michael leaned back onto the porch, elbows resting on the wooden planks. “You’re in a good mood.”

“How could I be in anything but?” Trevor asked brightly – borderline manically. “We took out the last of my competition, I had a wonderful afternoon walk with Mrs. Madrazo, your pretentious man-manicure is ruined, and Jen’s coming up this weekend? I haven’t felt this good since I spent three days stuck in a lighthouse on speed!”

“I wish you were still stuck in that lighthouse.”

“Ah, but then you wouldn’t be able to see my beautiful face every day when you wake up.”

“That’s the dream.”

Once again, changing the subject proved a failure.

Trevor took a seat on the porch steps right next to Michael. Trevor had never learned the definition of personal space. “Well, I’m sure Jen won’t mind seeing my beautiful face, hmm?”

The growl Michael gave him was half-hearted. He was too tired to fight back on this – too tired to even think about it. Maybe later, after Trevor had passed out from the combination of alcohol and hazy meth come-down, maybe Michael would think about it. Not now, though.

Very suddenly, it seemed, Trevor’s voice was sliding into Michael’s ear. “Come on, Sugar Tits – think about it. Me and you, just like the old days – we had a grand old time, didn’t we? Remember how I used to suck you off, hmm? Remember how you used to fuck me after a job?”

Michael remembered. He’d been remembering for twenty fuckin’ years.

“We could do that again, me and you, and pass Princess Jen around like we used to do with Jackie.”

Michael snorted, almost willing to humor him for a few minutes. It’s gotta be the desert heat getting to him – the heat, and the alcohol withdrawals, and the never-ending depression. Gotta be, if he’s humoring this after telling himself and Trevor both that he wouldn’t deal with it. “It’s funny you think we’d be passing her around.”

“Oh, I’m up for anything, Townley.”

Michael knew that, too.

“I will think about it.”

Trevor hooted, gleeful in a way that made Michael’s head ache. “I knew you couldn’t keep up this bullshit charade, you fuck! You want this just as bad as I do.”

“I said I’d think about it. That’s not a yes.”

“Oh, but it will be,” Trevor replied, voice dropping low next to Michael’s ear. He shot up out of his seat and damn near bounced down the steps. “Looks like I’ve got shit to do! I’m gonna go get tested – probably should have done that a long time ago actually - and get some condoms that aren’t expired and some lube…”

At that moment, Michael knew he could count this as one of the many fuck-ups in his life.

--- --- ---

Jen had business to take care of over on El Rancho. Said business being a Lester Crest adventure.

Lester, it seemed, needed some files that he couldn’t find on his endless and nearly untraceable network. Apparently, even his scritchy little spider fingers couldn’t get hold plain, ol’ analog paperwork. Cue Jen.

Said files weren’t easy to come by, but as Jen had discovered over the course of her thirty-two years, if she tried really, really hard and asked really, really nicely, she could talk anyone into anything.

Lester’s house looked almost exactly as Jen had expected it to look – roundabouts the same as his sweatshop factory off the expressway, but in a residential format. She was not disappointed. The outside paneling could use a lengthy pressure-washing and quite a bit of yardwork needed to be done, but it was otherwise totally unobtrusive to the houses around it. He buzzed her in before she stepped onto the top porch step, files in hand.

His curt voice crackled over the front-porch speakers as she stepped past the threshold and into Lester’s cave. “Down the hall, back bedroom.”

“Bet you say that to all the girls, don’t you Les?”

Jen could almost see him rolling his eyes as he snapped, “Shut up and get in here before someone sees you.”

“I bet you say that, too.”

Jen stepped over stacks of papers and books, tiptoeing gingerly past bits and pieces of half-constructed electronics.

She followed his instructions and headed down the hall and into Lester’s back bedroom, which didn’t appear to be used as a bedroom. It was wall-to-wall electronics, monitors, more stacks of books and manuals and papers. An expensive junkyard of information.

Lester rolled around in his computer chair to face her. “You got what I asked for?”

“Would I be here if I didn’t?” Jen chose the closest clear space (another chair in the corner that looked rebuttably clean). She handed him the stack of files. “Stapled, perforated, and alphabetized, and acquired very, very quietly.”

He gave the files a cursory flip-through. “And it’s all here?”

“Of course.”

Lester nodded and placed the files on the computer desk behind him. “How’d you get them?”

“Well, ninety-five percent of the time, I can talk my way into pretty much anything,” Jen said, crossing her legs. She placed her hands on her knees almost primly. “The other five percent of the time, I have to use the tacit, illustrious skills I’ve cultivated over the course of my career.”

“Which would be?”

“Unbutton the top two buttons and hand out a fake phone number, and mouthy court clerks suddenly become much more compliant.”

Lester snorted. “The folly of man is a beautiful thing.”

“Ain’t it though?” Jen grinned. “In any case, those files should be useful to the both of us. Should be the unredacted, never-digitized results of every election in the past ten years, including mine. I also included the entire personal and professional histories of IAA Agents John and Karen, right there on paper.”

“You’ve done good work here, Jen,” Lester replied, turning around to check the monitors behind him. Looked like he’d been day-trading before Jen walked in the door. “I’ll put this to good use.”

Jen was very aware that Lester was helping her do peremptory damage control of the election fraud investigation because he had stock in a few private defense firms. But as long as he kept the IAA and FIB from tracking her (which was beneficial to him as well) and did some of the dirty work on her behalf, she’d be more than happy to grab anything he couldn’t get hold.

She told him as much, and added, “So, no one’s tracking me, right?”

Lester didn’t turn to look at her. Instead, he pulled up video feed on one of his many monitors to show her. “They’re trying, but you’re untraceable.”

Jen didn’t pretend to know what she was looking at on the monitor. “I’ll take your word for it.”

“I like that you don’t ask questions.”

“Oh, I’m sure you do,” Jen teased, laughing when Lester shook his head at her. “Look, I learned a long time ago that I don’t have to know everything. I just have to know someone who does – which, in this case, would be you.”

“Not a bad philosophy to have, all things considered.” This time, Lester turned back around in his computer chair. He seemed antsy for her to leave, but he wasn’t finished with business. “Anyway, have you gotten any word from either of your… boyfriends? They want to start planning that bank robbery this weekend.”

Jen was vaguely aware that’s what they planned on doing with as much of a crew as they could scrounge together for a meeting. She hadn’t asked for details; sometimes knowing the bare minimum was best. All she was sure of was that Michael had called and given her a half-assed I-miss-you-but-I-don’t-want-to-say-it spiel before lightly asking for her to come see him.

“Boyfriends is a loose qualifier,” Jen snorted. “I’m aware that’s what they’re doing. I suppose you’ll be heading up to Sandy Shores this weekend, then?”

“Saturday, likely. You?”

Jen shrugged. “I’m heading up Friday afternoon, but I won’t stay unless y’all need me to.”

“You may need to stay for the particulars, but we’ll see.”

“Duly noted,” Jen replied. “Hope you’re not meeting at the trailer.”

Lester huffed. “I will never set foot in Trevor Philips’s trailer.”

“Can’t blame you there.” Jen had tried multiple times to convince Michael to just leave the trailer for the night and get a motel. Patricia Madrazo had done an unbelievable job of cleaning the trailer, but the fetid ickiness had simply just penetrated the walls with an incurable funk from the years of neglected hygiene. “Any headway on Madrazo? As much as I like going up to the desert to see them, I don’t enjoy couch time at Trevor’s slice of pig pen paradise quite as much as I enjoy my spotless apartment. I’d really prefer they not be murdered as soon as they set foot in Los Santos.”

“I have no sympathy for you.”

“I don’t have sympathy for myself, so once again, we are on the same page,” Jen shrugged again. “Madrazo?”

Lester turned back to his monitors and pulled up yet another file that Jen didn’t feel the need to decipher. “As soon as Trevor returns his wife, he’ll call off the hit.”

“Well, that’s simple,” Jen observed, fully aware that nothing involving Martin Madrazo would ever be simple. “You’ll have to kill Trevor to get her back to Madrazo, and I don’t think she really wants to go.”

“Never thought I’d see someone get Stockholm Syndrome over Trevor.”

“I can see how that would be surprising, quite frankly.”

That, it seemed, was the end of Lester’s business with Jen. He didn’t like anyone being in his house for too long – especially the fuckin’ DA.

“I’ll update you if you’re needed,” Lester said, waiving his hand back at her. “And I’ll put these files to good use.”

“Always happy to be of service, Les.”

Jen made her merry way out the door and back to her Jester. She had some calls to make if Lester’s plan for the IAA agents was going to work.

--- --- ---

With Michael and Trevor both banned from Los Santos, Jen's life during the week had gotten pretty quiet. Vespucci Beach to Sandy Shores amounted to a little over a four-hour drive, so she wasn't exactly driving up to the desert after work for dinner and drinks. She got Franklin to hang out with her every so often, but both she and Franklin had far too much to do to go to the movies every other day.

Jen hadn't realized until the guys were nearly unavailable how much time they took up in her week. Michael texted her every so often, but he was old-school and didn't like to text a lot. He usually called her at night, which ended up either with phone sex or Jen falling asleep in the middle of the conversation. Trevor just sent her unsolicited pictures occasionally, usually of his dick.

It had been three weeks since she'd last seen Michael in person, and that was enough to make her antsy. She missed him, which was an odd thing to say. She’d never been the sentimental type. She missed his dick, too, which was easier to admit and ninety percent of the reason she felt so twitchy. She'd gotten used to calling him on a whim whenever she was in the mood, and now that she had to routinely take care of herself, she felt all weird and twitchy. The phone sex was fine, but it wasn't him touching her.

And there was no Trevor around to substitute for Michael (when had she gotten used to that?), so she was shit out of luck.

So, when she got the call from Michael on a beautiful, sunny Los Santos afternoon asking her to make the drive, she carefully acquiesced. He sounded on the phone like he was feeling the same way. They'd never promised each other monogamy, but they'd both fallen into the simple routine of knowing what the other wanted when they wanted it. And right then, Jen wanted Michael to do what he did best - fuck her brains out. The plain, vicious urge kept her vibrating in her seat for the entire four-hour drive.

Jen left work a couple hours early with hardly more than a have-a-good-weekend to Mary at the front desk. She revved up her Jester as soon as she checked it out of the parking deck, swung by her house to shower and grab enough clothes and toiletries for the night, and was on her way up to the desert in less than an hour. Her hair was damp, but it would be dried down to wild orange curls before she rolled up to Trevor's trailer.

Jen hadn't asked about Trevor earlier, and frankly she didn't care if he was there or not when she arrived. Nothing was gonna stand between her and getting to Michael. Hell, she didn't care if Trevor watched or joined in himself. She had single-minded determination and a goal to reach, and she was nothing if not an enterprising soul.

Jen drove past the Sandy Shores sign and felt relief wash over her. She'd always liked the desert, even before circumstances had brought her out to it. It felt more like home than Los Santos ever could, or had. The trailers, raunchy motels, convenience stores, and mom-and-pop diners were the same. She'd just traded swamp and snakes for sand and scorpions.

She pulled up to Trevor's trailer and cut the ignition on her Jester. Trevor's rusted red truck was gone, as was the hodgepodge of ATVS usually parked out front, but that didn't mean anything. He tended to leave his truck wherever the amphetamines took effect and tracked it down when he returned to semi-coherency. Instead, Michael's red sedan sat out front, squat and weird and too dad.

Jen grabbed her bag out of the passenger seat and marched up to the door. The floor mat at the door was minimalist, but the fact that there was a floor mat just really astounded her. Since Patricia had been here, all the cigarette butts and beer cans that usually littered the porch were gone. There were even little plant pots (but not pot plants, surprisingly) sunning on the porch rails.

She turned the doorknob and groaned when she found it was locked. She had a key, but it was the extra thirty seconds of time that got under her skin. She’d purposefully worn the loosest t-shirt she owned and leggings into the desert, but every stitch of clothing on her body constricted her, like it was latched permanently onto her skin by sweat and stubbornness. She shoved the door open, slammed it shut behind her, and turned in the direction of the blaring TV.

Jen dropped her bag next to the front door without bothering to see exactly where it landed. Michael sat on the couch in his cargo shorts and polo shirt, sipping from a beer bottle, and watching some old Western movie on Trevor’s shitty TV. He barely had time to turn and smirk at her before she was stalking across the room over to him.

She straddled his lap, shoved him back against the couch, and all but smashed her mouth to his. His hands were up her shirt in an instant, fingers trailing up and down her back. A shiver ran through her as his fingertips bumped along her spine; she bucked into him when he did it again just to watch her squirm.

He pulled away from her after a minute, a grin plastered across his face. "What, no hello?"

Jen blinked and licked her bottom lip. He was teasing, of course. He had to be. He couldn't resist screwing with her, even with her grinding down into his lap. "Hi."

Michael trailed his fingers down her sides, rubbing circles into her hips with his thumbs. "What if I wanted you to ask me about my day or-?"

Jen rolled her hips, sinking down into his lap, effectively cutting him off. She could already feel his cock pressing against her cunt through her leggings. "You want to recite a monologue, or you want to get your dick wet? Because I had a four-hour drive up here and I'm ready to go, darlin’."

"Option two, please."

Jen tugged her shirt up over her head and tossed it on top of her bag. "That’s what I like to hear, darlin’."

Jen hadn't bothered to put on a bra under her loose black t-shirt. She wrapped her arms around Michael's shoulders as he slid his hands up her stomach to grab her breasts. His mouth found one of her nipples, his tongue delicately pushing the silver ring through one while his fingers pulled at the other. She kissed his forehead and slipped her hand down between them, palming his thick cock through his pants. He slid his hands down to her hips, guiding her as she rolled her hips down. He rutted up against her, groaning against her mouth every time she pressed down on his dick.

Michael pulled away from her, albeit unwillingly, to lean his head back against her wrists. "You know Trevor's here, right?"

"Don't care," Jen replied, taking his pause as an opportunity to tug his shirt over his head. She tossed it over in the corner with her stuff. Her hands stroked the span of his shoulders, down his chest. She squeezed his hips, running her hands down to his thighs. “He can watch if he wants. Probably wouldn’t be the first time he’s watched you fuck someone.”

"You want it that bad?" Michael asked, breathless. He bucked up into her again, pulling a thick whine from her throat. "There’s other people here and you still want it that bad?”

"Oh, yes, darlin’, I want it that bad," Jen replied coyly, lips pressed to his ear. She climbed out of his lap and rolled her leggings down, leaving her in her underwear. Her panties were black like everything else she owned and didn’t do much to cover up the intended area. "Shorts off, big man."

Michael leaned his head back against the couch. “Oh, fuck, yes!”

As Michael scrambled to unbuckle his pants, as if on cue, Trevor strode out of his bedroom. He didn’t seem surprised by what he found transpiring on his couch, but he did seem very, very interested. He whistled, leaning against the kitchen counter. "Well, look what we have here! Wasn't expecting to get a free show tonight!"

Jen looked over her shoulder at him. "Watch or get out but be quiet if you’re gonna stay."

Trevor mimed zipping his mouth and pulled a chair from under the bar. "Oh, don't mind me. Uncle T will be just fine over here."

Jen laughed. “Oh, I bet you will.”

Michael grabbed her hips and pulled her back between his legs. He slid his hands down her thighs, slowly slowly, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake. Jen had always loved his hands - they were rough against her skin from the calluses on his palms, warm and gentle when he wanted to be, with thick, expert fingers. Up, up, he moved until he hooked his fingers underneath the sides of her underwear. He didn’t pull them down, not yet, just massaged little circles into her flushed skin.

His face was level with her chest; he had to look up at her to get a glimpse of her reaction. Jen watched him, fascinated, and altogether impatiently frustrated by his teasing, as he kissed down her chest, pausing to flick his tongue across each nipple. He kissed down her stomach, right down to her navel, and as he arrived at the waistband of her panties, he pulled them down over her hips with his teeth and hands. He kissed down the line of her slit, looking up at her as he went. She bit her lip and dug her nails into his shoulder, but he didn’t flinch. He reached around to squeeze her ass, his short, bitten nails equally just as vicious against her skin as hers were against his.

“Come here, babygirl,” Michael growled, his voice rough. He pulled her into his lap, squeezing her thighs as she straddled him. Jen took the base of his cock in her hand, trailing her fingertips gently along his length. He bucked up into her hand with a short, shuddering groan. “Come on, don’t tease me. You were the one hot and ready to go when you got here.”

Jen positioned herself over him, rubbing the head of his cock against her slit. "If I had the patience right now to tease you, you'd already be begging and you know it. You don’t know even know what teasing is.”

Michael knew he was probably leaving bruises on her sides with how tightly he was squeezing her. He tried not to shift his hips - she’d keep fucking with him if he bucked up against her. “You gonna show me, princess? You think you're gonna make me beg?”

Jen smirked. “Not in front of the guests. At least, not this time.”

She braced herself against him, one hand grasping his shoulder, and sank down on him with a soft moan. Her cunt ached as she bottomed out on his cock. He filled her up so completely, so perfectly, that as soon as the intense burn dissipated, she rocked her hips against his. There would be no edging, no teasing and begging, no playfully holding out or thinking about baseball. This was sloppy and rough, born out of desperation and need. She needed friction and release, and she needed it as soon as she could get it.

Michael ran his hands up her thighs, up her stomach, grabbing at her tits and squeezing as hard as he dared. He thrust up to meet her every time she bore down on him, hard enough to make her cry out. She hooked her hand under his chin and squeezed his throat, bringing his mouth up to meet hers. He didn't have enough hands to put them in all the places she needed, so he wrapped his arms around her back and braced her solidly so she could grind down on him.

Michael pulled away from her when she groaned a little too close to the edge of pain for his liking against his mouth. He liked it rough and she did too, but the last thing he wanted was to genuinely hurt her. He always backed off when she made that sound, but sometimes she'd ignore the pain and keep going anyway.

"Hey, hey, you okay? You close?" he asked, absolutely breathless. He was pretty close to coming - his stomach was tight and his balls were starting to ache. He grabbed her hips so she couldn't bear down so hard. "Tell me what you need, princess."

Jen's voice broke. "So - so close. I just - I'm right there, but I can't - quite…"

He pressed his mouth to her cheek, her throat, right up to her ear. "I've got an idea that might help. Wanna try something?"

"Please - please, Mike. I'm right there – what is it?"

He grinned, his tongue delicately tracing the shell of her ear. "I've only got two hands. Wanna get a little help from Trevor?"

Jen started, pausing over him. "Seriously…?"

"If you’re interested…"

She nodded, but that was about all she could do. "Please."

Michael looked over her shoulder. Trevor had, so far, been amazingly quiet - he sat on his barstool with his hand down his pants, watching quietly as he'd been instructed. When he heard his name, he broke out of his own reverie and perked up immediately.

Michael grasped Jen's hips, slowly rolling up into her. "Wanna lend a hand?"

Trevor strode across the room and stood behind Jen, pressing against her back. “Way ahead of you. This okay with you, princess?”

Jen nodded, for the most part too breathless to speak. She dug her nails into Michael's shoulders, clenching and unclenching her hands. She'd apologize for whatever bruises or marks she'd left in him later.

As Jen steadied herself, Michael kept hold of her hips. He'd reset the pace, slower and a little kinder than before, and much less desperate. Now, he thrust up into her with purpose and the explicit intention of holding off just long enough to get her to cum. He looked up over Jen's shoulder at Trevor, who had so far just pulled his shirt over his head and pressed against her back to give her some leverage.

Trevor kissed the top of her head, a strangely tender gesture for someone who got off on his partners making him bleed. He reached around with one hand to toy with her nipples while the other hand trailed down her stomach to her clit, pressing two fingers against her slit and massaging in circles in time with Michael’s upward thrusts. With his fingers coated in wetness, he nudged the little bud he found until, finally, her last bit of decorum broke.

Jen felt like she’d stuck her finger in a light socket - every touch sent a hazy jolt right up her spine. Michael was still taking his sweet time but had taken to thrusting up a little harder, a little faster, with each stroke.

Trevor had pulled his cock out of his pants and squished himself up against her lower back. She grabbed his arm – the one not attached to the hand currently circling her clit - and dragged him next to her so he wasn’t pressed up against her back. She took him in hand, running her hand up the length of him. He’d clearly been close already; it didn’t take more than few passes of her hand before he came into her fist.

Finally, finally, the burn in her abdomen spilled over, and she came with a whimper as Michael thrust up into her. She squeezed his shoulders, raked her nails down his back, and kissed him so hard her clacked against his. Without pausing to let Michael work her through it, she climbed out of his lap and onto the couch next to him, ignoring his protests.

She snapped her fingers at Trevor and glanced over to Michael after curling up on the couch. “Finish him.”

Trevor cocked his head, grin splitting his face. “How do you want me to do that, sweetheart?”

Jen shrugged, glancing between the two of them like she’d already caught onto something they hadn’t told her. “I think your mouth will do just fine.”

Trevor looked down at Michael, Cheshire grin only getting wider. “What do ya say, Sugar Tits?”

Michael didn’t grin back, but there was a particular heat in his eyes that Trevor hadn’t seen in years. “Do as the lady says.”

Trevor dropped to his knees and buried his face in Michael’s lap, taking him all the way down to the root. He doesn’t bother to try to prolong things – not with the way Michael panted and dugs his fingers into his shoulders, rooted through his dark hair. Michael fucked his throat, and Trevor let him control the pace, tears stinging his eyes. And after not much time at all – hardly more than a few emphatic strokes – Michael came down his throat, not bothering to pull Trevor off of him.

Trevor liked it that way anyway.

There was a moment of stillness, almost complacency, before Jen laughed. She leaned back against the armrest of the couch and stretched out, resting her legs in Michael’s lap. She hummed, “If I’d known this is what you two wanted to do, I’d have gotten here sooner.”

Trevor grinned his triumphant grin and leered up at Michael from his place between his knees. “I fuckin’ told you she’d love it.”

Michael glared down at him. “Shut up.”

“So, you two discussed this?” Jen asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, once or twice,” Trevor replied, winking at her. “He finally came around to it.”

Michael shook his head. “Jesus Christ.”

He was never going to hear the end of this - from either of them, by the looks on their faces.

#michael de santa #michael de santa x ofc x trevor philips #michael de santa x oc #trevor philips #trevor philips x oc #trevor philips x ofc #gta #GTAV #GTA5 #grand theft auto #Grand Theft Auto V #Grand Theft Auto 5

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jarienn972 · 7 years

Text

The Right Place - Chapter 13

Minor fail on my part here. I thought I had already posted this to bring the chapters posted on Tumblr current with those on FF.net and AO3, but in the midst of working on my CSLB draft, I forgot to actually post it. I’ve got the next chapter in the works though and hope to have it up very soon!

From the beginning on Tumblr: Prologue/1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Wednesday afternoon, Portland Medical Center

Four o'clock couldn't arrive fast enough as both Emma and Killian tried to speculate on what Haviland may have discovered while digging through records at City Hall. More potential ideas had of course crossed her mind than his but then she knew the workings of this world far better than he did – not that he was a stranger to the probabilities of fraud, greed and deceit being at play here. Of all of them, he had the most unique perspective in evaluating Donleavy's motives but he wasn't about to let their Portland colleagues know precisely where that insight came from. There was certainly an element of piracy to Donleavy's tactics in his pursuit of his eventual goal – whatever that might be. They were just missing that final piece.

The pirate was also quite insistent that he wouldn't be spending this collaborative session laying in that hospital bed, preferring to sit in the chair instead so he wouldn't be viewed as an invalid. In truth, he would rather they met anywhere but this room, but at least here they had a measure of privacy and that was a far bigger priority. As far as he was concerned, he had spent more than enough time staring at these alabaster walls. He wanted a glimpse of the sea – wanted to return to the deck of his ship, but he'd conceded only because there was still much work to do and at least his attentions remained occupied.

Not surprisingly, McCallen was the first to arrive, exhausted but nonetheless determined. This was his first major case and a little sleep deprivation wasn't about to deter him. He'd catch a nap later if necessary but he was extremely anxious to find out what this bit of new information might be. As he approached the entrance to the room, the young deputy knocked politely on the doorframe before entering even though Emma had left the door open.

"Okay to come in, Sheriff?" he asked while awaiting permission to enter.

"C'mon in, McCallen," Emma replied with a subtle shake of her head. "We're just sitting here running theories of what Sgt. Haviland might have turned up." The deputy accepted her invitation and stepped into the room to find Emma seated atop the bed with her legs crossed in front of her. A tiny smile slithered across his lips when he spied the man whose bruised, battered and comatose body he'd photographed for evidence just days ago now seated in the bedside chair, barely recognizable from the John Doe he'd been tasked to identify. Save for the black eye that was just beginning to yellow around the edges, McCallen saw little of that nameless victim anymore – just a fellow deputy who'd adapted to a disability as he himself had been forced to.

A fellow deputy who had no intention of being viewed as the victim any longer – and McCallen had nothing but respect for that decision.

"Thanks," McCallen responded as he shrugged off his weathered olive suede bomber jacket. "Sgt. Haviland texted me that he's on his way. I guess we should have given him your number too."

"Good idea," Emma agreed. "I'll have to remember to do that before he leaves today. Did he give you any idea of what he might have found?"

"Not a clue. He just mentioned he'd uncovered something interesting," the deputy replied. "Let me go find another chair before he gets here though." He tossed his jacket onto the chair by the window before heading back out into the hallway in search of a chair he could borrow from another area, managing to return before Haviland arrived with a wooden chair proffered from a presently unoccupied room next door. He positioned that chair in front of the closet before taking a seat in what had been Henry's preferred spot next to the window – close enough to be fully involved in the conversation yet far enough away so he didn't feel as though he were imposing. He was well aware that he was the least experienced investigator so he was more than willing to allow the others to take center stage.

"Sheriff Jones?" Haviland's voice called tentatively from the doorway as though unsure he had the correct room despite the armed deputy seated just to his right in the corridor. "Ah - looks like I've found the right place," he said when he spotted Deputy McCallen seated opposite where he stood.

"You have," Emma spoke up, turning to see the Portland PD sergeant as he entered the room. "Why don't you shut that door behind you so we can start comparing notes? I'm guessing you must have found something big?"

"You could say that," Haviland replied as he pushed the door closed and made his way past the bed toward the empty chair McCallen had brought for him, but before he took a seat, he paused to introduce himself to Killian. "Mr. Jones," I'm John Haviland. I was originally assigned to investigate the robbery at Scott's Mart where I of course saw you on the security video. From what I could see of it, you handled that situation like an absolute pro and I'm quite glad I could finally meet you – especially considering all of the circumstances involved here. I just apologize that on that day when my officers were investigating the robbery, we didn't know just how far the crime actually extended."

"Don't think there was really any way you could have known the half of it – at least until I managed to get myself dragged into this," Killian stated, "and they clearly didn't expect me to survive…"

"No – pretty sure they didn't," Haviland replied. "Guess you were lucky in that respect."

"It's a damned good thing those fishermen came along when they did," Killian said, using the official story that the Cumberland County Sheriff's Department had documented, not about to divulge the finer details of his rescue. "Anyway - enough about that. We know we're all convened here this afternoon to learn what you've uncovered, not further discuss my rescue."

"Indeed, we are," Haviland responded with a knowing grin, not at all surprised to learn that Killian Jones was every bit as tenacious and entirely down to business as his wife. He pivoted to his left, contemplating taking the offered seat for a second before choosing to remain standing. "In truth, I have a couple of items to share. I spent most of the day over at City Hall looking over public record documents related to the ferry terminal project. That whole project is fairly straightforward – city wants to modernize and streamline the facility. The bid process to build the new terminal is sealed so there wasn't any way to learn what each company submitted, but according to one of my sources, Leviant definitely looks to be the front-runner."

"So - what might this ferry project have to do with Leviant Construction attempting to purchase properties further north along the harbor? Is there an additional expansion project planned as well?" Killian asked. He might not know a great deal about real estate but he understood the acquisition game.

"Honestly – hardly anything," the sergeant responded. "The new terminal is being built adjacent to the existing one on land they already own. It's the same exact location so the properties up around Ms. Scott's store shouldn't be affected – at least not by the ferry project…"

"What do you mean 'not by the ferry project'?" Emma wondered. "Is there something else going on besides rebuilding the terminal?"

"There might be…," was Haviland's cryptic reply - which only stirred up more confusion.

"Might be? What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?" an irritated Killian queried.

"Nothing has been officially announced yet but it seems as though the city is looking into redesigning the roads serving the terminal and the north harbor area in an attempt to give commuters easier access to downtown and the freeways," Haviland began. "Rumor has it that they're wanting to build a connector that would loop straight out of the harbor and feed into both Old Port and points north. I found a prospective filed which showed an artist's rendering of the proposed new interchange and if they're to build what this showed, most of the businesses on the north harbor would end up torn town to make room for ramps and a widened main road."

"Sounds like whoever owned those properties would probably end up in an eminent domain battle with the city," McCallen spoke up. "Wouldn't that lower the property values?"

"You'd think that, but my guess is that Donleavy has someone he's likely paying off inside City Hall who alerted him to the road development plans. For all we know, he might be buying up these properties as a way to blackmail the city into awarding his company the contract." The sergeant stated his theory but something about it just didn't click with Emma.

"If Leviant Construction is already the front-runner in the terminal project bid, why go to all of this trouble?" Emma asked. "It sounds like they'll probably get the contract anyway so resorting to strong-arm tactics and blackmail just don't seem to fit…"

"Well, that's where things get interesting," Haviland continued. "It seems that a lawsuit was just filed against Leviant seeking an injunction to halt construction at that huge office tower they're building downtown. It's nearing completion, but an unnamed source documented that Leviant was using shoddy materials during that construction which made the structure unsafe and unlikely to pass inspection. Delays on that project could cost Leviant millions and cause any awarded bids to be voided – and they'd definitely be out even more if inspectors do find fault with the building. That could mean tearing the existing structure down and rebuilding it or scrapping the project entirely. A little leverage against the city could help keep Leviant in the black and might potentially even bury the lawsuit if Donleavy had the right amount against people certain influential positions."

"So – we have the head of a construction company resorting to extortion, blackmail, kidnapping and attempted murder all in an attempt to get one contract?" McCallen was dumbfounded as to how all of this could be connected.

"Well, it is a very valuable contract," Haviland replied. "And likely whatever Mr. Donleavy and Leviant Construction profit from the terminal project would go into damage control for the office tower."

"That's some serious corporate fraud," Emma said with a deep sigh as she massaged her aching temple.

"And if your husband hadn't stumbled into the fray, we might never have had an inkling of what was transpiring," the sergeant stated. "I'm sorry for all you've had to go through the past few days, Mr. Jones, but your dilemma may have tipped us off to the biggest case in Portland history…"

"Guess you really were in the right place at the right time," Emma said with a sarcastic chuckle. "But now – how do we tie it all together and put Donleavy and his cohorts away for good?"

"I've a few ideas," Haviland answered, "but first, let's work on identifying the man that you unmasked." He addressed Killian directly as he withdrew his phone from his right-hand pant pocket. "I had one of my officers run a list of Leviant employees under the guise that this was a favor for INS. I then matched the names to DMV records and compiled a few for you to look at…" He tapped on the glass screen a few times to open the file then passed the phone to Killian with the first DMV file already displayed. "Take a look through these and let me know if any of them look familiar. Just swipe to the left and it'll open the next photo."

Accepting the phone as Haviland passed it to him, Killian positioned it in his hand so that he could use his thumb to page through the files displayed on the tiny electronic screen as Emma had shown him many times before. He focused on the miniscule image of an unknown man's driver's license photograph displayed so he wasn't privy to Haviland's sudden flush of awkward embarrassment at the realization that Killian Jones didn't have a left hand. He started to open his mouth to offer assistance, but quickly stifled himself as his aid might be viewed as offensive.

Emma had spotted Haviland's reaction and nearly spoke up, but chose not to as she recalled the conversation that she'd briefly had yesterday morning with a dispatcher when she'd only been transferred to speak to McCallen after giving Killian's description and providing the piece that had been missing from the news story – the fact that her husband was missing his left hand. Clearly the alert that had gone out from the Sheriff's Department to other local law enforcement must have omitted that detail as well and the security video that Haviland had viewed would have shown Killian's prosthetic hand - which unless you were up close - wasn't really noticeable as being artificial. Even Jean Scott - who'd gone on and on about the mysterious, handsome British man who'd been taken hostage to spare her - hadn't noticed that he was an amputee. It was obvious that the sergeant was reeling a bit from the surprise, but as she'd decided after learning about McCallen's prosthetic foot, neither of their disabilities were pertinent to getting the job done so she simply kept her mouth shut and hoped that Haviland would come to the same conclusion.

Killian in the meantime had thumbed through four of the DMV files, quickly dismissing the ones that didn't meet the right criteria – too old, too tall, too portly – but he'd paused at the fifth photograph.

"Can you make this image any larger?" he asked, offering the device back to Haviland hoping he would be able to adjust the size of the photograph displayed as he had already determined he was lacking the dexterity to complete the task himself without fear of possibly dropping the sergeant's phone.

"Sure. Do you want me to enlarge just the face?" Haviland asked.

"Please," Killian replied as the image was zoomed in to display just the face of a twenty-three year old blond haired man. Haviland turned the phone around to show Killian the enlarged photo and Emma knew instantly from the way her husband's jaw suddenly clenched that he recognized the man. "That's the younger man – the one I pulled the mask from. I'm sure of it."

"Great – let's see who he is…," Haviland began as he adjusted the image back to the view of the full Maine driver's license so he could read the man's name and contact information again. "Benjamin Toliver, age twenty-three," he recited from the display.

"Guess we need to have a talk with Mr. Toliver," Emma stated, confident that this could be the break they'd been looking for.

"Should we bring him in for questioning?" McCallen wondered.

"I think maybe we should go to him," she suggested. "Bringing him to a police station might raise some red flags. Right now, it doesn't appear that these guys know that Killian is alive. We need to keep it that way as long as possible."

"I agree," Haviland stated. "We shouldn't bring him in just yet. I'd rather start with an approach that might make him a little nervous either at home or at work. He's young and likely inexperienced so he'll probably run straight to his partners."

"I could see the fear in his eyes when I unmasked him," Killian remembered from that afternoon. "Had I not been stabbed, I believe he would have broken down right there and divulged everything. There's little doubt in my mind that he's the weakest link…"

"I just did a quick search of the database and he doesn't have a record but it says he's been working for Leviant Construction for a year. His older brother, Jackson Toliver, is also listed as an employee. This is Jackson…," Haviland flashed the DMV photograph of the older Toliver brother on the screen. "Anything recognizable about him?"

Killian stared at the photograph of Jackson Toliver for a few seconds, straining to recall the look of the eyes behind the mask. "Can you show me just his eyes?" He needed the closest image possible that isolated just the man's eyes to see if they matched the ones he remembered. Haviland zoomed in as much as the device would allow, displaying a cropped image of Toliver's face from his nose up to his hairline. There was a familiarity to the hazel eyes that stared back at him, but the pirate couldn't be entirely sure this was the second robber. Images could be deceiving at times. "My apologies, but I just can't be certain. All I could see was his eyes behind that knitted mask. The color is similar, but I cannot be positive from just that image. I'd need to see the man myself – to hear his voice and hopefully see the impression of my knuckles across his jowls."

"You managed to hit him?" Haviland queried, smiling at the thought that their quarry might have a very visible contusion on his face just like the one they'd given their hostage.

"Of course, I hit him. Rendered the bastard unconscious for a few minutes before I cornered the younger one." The pirate was undoubtedly proud that he'd been able to take on the two thieves - although that pride was smarting just a smidge from his failure to factor in a third partner. "He'll definitely be sporting a few bruises of his own."

"Thank you for that," Haviland grinned. "It'll give us something we can look for to help identify whoever is Benjamin Toliver's partner – whether that might be the brother or someone else. I think maybe we should make a trek over to Leviant Construction's worksite tomorrow morning before it could possibly get shut down by any injunction. We'll go ask Benjamin Toliver a few questions about the robbery at Scott's Mart – just enough to make him nervous – and we'll see who he turns to for help. I'd love for it to be Donleavy, but I'll settle for the other masked partner right now because I've got a very good feeling that we might be able to get those two to turn if we need to."

#cs ff #cs fanfic #cs fan fiction #captain swan ff #the right place

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chennasato · 7 years

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{DeviantART link}

Here is a lineup of my partners in crime in saving the world. From left to right:

Juna (Mako's daughter), Batakh (the Avatar), unnamed (related to the Beifongs), Kanno (son of Tahno), Chenna (daughter of Korra & Asami), Gappy, Rei, Tomiko Murasaki.

Juna is the ten-year-old daughter of Mako and his longtime on-again/off-again girlfriend, Mae Lin (an eccentric, flaky hippie who uses her waterbending for painting). Juna has no elemental power, but she has a mysteriously strong connection to the Spirit World and Raava. She's the first to discover the Avatar's Oasis, a special part of the Spirit World unreachable from the portals which houses Korra's spirit, as well as all past Avatars. She possesses the ability to transport someone to the Spirit World merely by touch, and is a crucial part of the search for the Avatar in Book Two: Chaos. Juna is kind of a meek, quiet girl, and her character doesn't really shine until Avatar Batakh comes into the picture.

(I couldn't think of a proper name at first, so I just gave her a shortened form of the Hindu prophet-type character, Arjuna. It was only supposed to be temporary, but it stuck.)

Batakh is the eight-year-old heir to a powerful, wealthy Emerald State (formerly called Earth Kingdom) family. His family, especially his father, is very “protective” of him, and had never told him that he is the Avatar. I haven't worked out exactly how the group finds and recruits the Avatar, but some light voluntary kidnapping may be involved his bodyguard, a Beifong descendant, escorts him. Batakh is very timid and uncertain (this is one of the ways in which Juna is important), and it takes a while for him to be comfortable enough to start training. He never knew he was even a bender, so this Avatar has to start from scratch.

His name, Batakh, is based off of Batukhan, a Mongolian name meaning ��firm ruler.” It took me two years to name him. Additionally, I’m told his name means “duck” in...what was it, Urdu?

The third character is an earthbender who remains unnamed. He's stubborn, intense, quiet, and rather powerful. He's supposed to be only 23, but somehow he came off older here. He's related to the Beifong family (I might be playing with a Lin/secret child theory). Other than that, not much is known about his history. Although he's Avatar Batakh's guard, he's more of a background character for a while, until the next season, when he and Kanno start getting close.

Help me name him? I imagine him with either a short Chinese or complex Mongolian name. I have a ton of name files, but none of the names I've come across match him. The closest I've got is Chan, which would suit him but would clash with Chenna.

Kanno is the twenty-one-year-old son of Tahno. He's an effeminate, optimistic, gentle guy who's positively in love with life. He's a strong waterbender, but prefers to use his bending for healing, which was the first cause for tension between him and his father. His childhood wasn't too smooth. His father was hard on him, grooming him to become the kind of bender Tahno used to be. Kanno broke away when he was sixteen, and hasn't seen his father since.

His name has no actual origin. Since I started this post-Korra project in 2014, I knew there had to be a Kanno.

Note: may have a scene in which he flirts with Gappy, Gap jumps back and says, “Back off—I don't bend that way,” to which Kanno wildly blushes and stammers, “I didn't ask you to!”

...or would this accidentally be too much?

Chenna is the nineteen-year-old earth- and metalbending daughter of Avatar Korra and Asami. Her childhood was rough. She had a bullying problem when she was eight, which led to her retaliating violently and becoming a bit of a bully herself. She acted out a lot, especially towards Asami, whom she knew wasn't her birth mother. She fell in with a (nonviolent) gang of Republic City orphans.

Korra was assassinated when Chenna was just eleven, and it threw her into a deep period of despair and anger. She lashed out a lot more, and held hatred for Asami, whom she viewed as the reason for her mother's death. Due to safety concerns, the Sato family was sent to the Southern Air Temple, where they were protected and eventually healed. Chenna underwent extreme counseling, reconnected with Asami, and became close friends with a future villain. She still carries deep wounds from her past, and wouldn't achieve a full state of healing until Book Two.

Chenna is a lot like her mother (as her choice to emulate Korra in her clothing and hair suggests): strong, stubborn, a natural leader. She learned earthbending and minor metalbending from her mother, but also learned a lot of bending techniques from Toph Beifong. Because of her Water Tribe heritage, Chenna incorporates waterbending moves while metalbending.

Chenna's name has several different purposes and origins:

1. A Water Tribe spin on an Earth Kingdom name [Chen], signifying the union and product of a Water Tribe-Earth Kingdom couple.

2. An extension and combination of a Chinese (associated with Earth Kingdom) name, Chen, and an Inuit (associated with Water Tribe) name, Chena.

3. A Water Tribe extension of a name with similar meaning to Asami. Chen means “morning,” Asami means “morning beauty.”

4. A symbol of hope after the death of the Avatar, imagining “Chen[n]a” as a variation of the Native American Chenoa, meaning “dove”

Gappy is an eighteen-year-old airbending novice who first came into Chenna's life eight, possibly nine years ago. They were, as I call them, gang-mates; he was actually her first friend. The leader of the gang was Gappy's older brother, Sarge (real name Ryu), on whom Chenna had a crush. The gang was a nonviolent, mostly pickpocket type of misfits and orphans who had no other family. After Chenna left Republic City (she was 11, Gap was 10), a martial group, called simply the Secret Force, took over the city, starting with “cleaning up the streets”—that is, getting rid of the orphans and miscreants. The nonbenders, including Gap's brother, were killed; the benders were thought to be drafted. Only Gappy escaped.

Gappy is the typical airbender: energetic, optimistic, free, with a sharp mind. One might think that all of his tragedy would weigh him down, when in fact, it does the opposite—it fuels his desire to live and love every day, and often he finds himself dedicating every day and ever breath to his fallen brother and friends (some of whom may crop up sometime).

Gappy is so named for the gap in his teeth. (Many of the kids in the gang never knew a family and never had real names, so they named each other.) Towards the end of the series, he will be a master airbender, will be officially inducted into the Air Nation, tattooed (maybe), and given a real name.

Rei is much more like an airbender than a firebender. She's a twenty-one-year-old androgynous firebender with an unquenchable thirst for adventure. She's energetic, proud, and stubborn. She's very bright, but sometimes her boisterous energy interrupts her ability to grasp something. Rei doesn't have any tragic gay story like Kanno. She wasn't prejudiced against or kicked out, and she was fully accepted by her family. She was just hungering for adventure and itching to live, so she left home to explore. I think she has a giant family, including several brothers.

We first meet Rei in Book Two, when a distressed Chenna enters the Earth Rumble, in which Rei was a spectator (and practically “fangirls” all over Chenna).

Rei's gender is never meant to be a secret—that she likes dressing androgynously has nothing to do with her gender identity. Her sexual ambiguity is even a joking point sometimes, like when she first comes into the group and Gappy is jealous because he thinks this “guy” is interested in Chenna. At some point in the future, there will be an undercover mission which will require her to become feminine (and possibly couple up with Kanno, for added annoyance and entertainment).

Tomiko Murasaki (surname means “purple”) is a twenty-four-year-old, middle- to upper-class Republic City/Water Tribe woman who was Asami's protege at some point. She's a nonbender with a dry wit, and often presents herself as unaffected. For most of her appearance in the show, there is no concept of her having any romantic inclinations, especially not towards someone like Rei. I plan on a brief scene where a guy flirts with Tomiko, she says something about being gay, he says something like, “Really? You sure don't look like a lesbian,” and she dryly responds, “I'm sorry. Next time, I'll be sure to shave my head and wear pants so you won't be confused.”

No special name notes, though it took a while for me to settle on those two names.

Not Pictured: Asami Sato, Rahn Jianwu (who's not a “main” character, but is recurring in Books Two and Three)

Quick Notes:

There are four gay characters: two who are stereotypes, and two who are anti-stereotypes. Kanno and Rei fill the stereotypes, while the anti-stereotypes are the unnamed earthbender and Tomiko.

Relationships:

Chenna + earthbender (for just a moment, until she senses something...queer... There may be a comical scene surrounding this, I'm not sure)

Chenna + Gappy (it was one of those lifelong things that was bound to happen)

Juna + Batakh (not until their late-teens and twenties, though)

Rei + Tomiko (they were like water and oil at first, but eventually Rei got under Tomiko's skin)

Kanno + earthbender (their relationship is the last, hardest, and slowest to develop, and will be a cliffhanger until a “ten years later” sequence at the end of the series shows their future together)

Ship Names: Chappy, Junakh, Reimiko, [unnamed]

Friendships:

Chenna + Gappy

Chenna + Kanno

Chenna + Rei

Gappy + Rei

Batakh + Chenna

Batakh + Asami

Batakh + Juna

Asami + Tomiko

I dunno who else would get along. One thing for sure is Rei and Kanno, the chief gay characters, bother the hell out of each other (humourously, I may add).

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