#also I realize all of my tags are paragraphs which is funny so hello to anyone reading this far and goodnight :D

[robotnuts]

are there any rvb fics you still think about all the time? like i dont think a week goes by without thinking abt qed and how it def changed me on a molecular level, do you have any fics like that?

oooh good question. the most important fic is at the bottom of this post so just scroll to the final paragraph if you only want one, true recommendation of the only rvb fic that really matters.

QED is fantastic though its more of @shotgunslap's thing than mine. the partner to that is also obviously QoQ, the only rvb fic ive been able to make almost all my friends read. i think about the south/north characterization every day of my life. caboose and carolina mean so much to me, etc etc. thats a pretty easy pick though so im cracking into my ao3 bookmarks to look for more niche picks.

i know there was actually a lot of rvb fic that was just posted to tumblr that i think ive gone back and tried to reblog at some points but i never organized it, i should have archived it, people who wrote good femslash and rvb women liked to just post it under a readmore on their tumblrlog and you have to go digging through decades old tags to find it now

okay. the big one i actually do still think about all the time forever and ever is saltsanford's stuff about epsilon/wash's relationship. this is the big one i still think about that centers on their backstory, but also, put my guns in the ground, which is one of the Big fandom tuckington longfics, also has such good washpilon stuff in it and they're so fucking juicy. when tucker asks wash how many times he's broken his ribs and he says four and epsilon says "actually it was five" before realizing How Bad of a Move that would be. Hello? Hello?????? i want them to be forced to reimplant and have weird mind brain trauma sex SO BAD sorry im normal. this is another one that takes place during/after the chorus era

on the spectrum of fics that i actually dont yet feel ashamed reccomending, primtheamazing, who wrote QoQ, also wrote some other good stuff. i am a HUGE fan of this fusion fic, the punchline to the tucker/caboose fusion is HYSTERICAL. this one where grif forgets who simmons is due to temple shennanigans and flirts with him is also very like. trope-y but i like that shit so this goes here too

ok. now onto the stuff that it is actively embarrassing for me to be recommending. but. prim's logrimmons fic is hysterical and was the stepping stone to creating the lolixgrimmons mind palaces with my friends so its worth it just for that. but also its really fucking funny. so is the one where locus has to listen to them have sex and gets himself caught

the truly embarrassing one for me to have here is the piece of softboy grimmons content i participate in. sadly i do enjoy s15 content sometimes for the softboy grif sensitive emotions exploration i will admit to being a hypocrite there and i really liked that one and reread it frequently (just realized this is written by the QED person so! you might already know of it)

and then finally. the most important red vs blue fanfiction of all time, guns are for shooting. it has it all. sarge. washington. sarge again. kismesisitude. grif and simmons acting like rosencrantz and guildenstern (are dead). locus being invisible and getting caught by lopez with a bag of flour. it's written by the person who wrote QED. You want to read it right now. Read it right now. READ IT RIGHT N

wait no the cute bit about sarge declaring war on gravity and upending a bag of flour onto lopez isnt in guns for shooting. what fic is that from

[mego42]

fav lines tag

RULES: share your favorite sentence/paragraph from each one of your fics and tag 6 other fic writers to do it too :)

tagged by the talented brilliant incredible @foxmagpie (💖)

tagging: @pynkhues @hypermania @bethsuglywigs @riosnecktattoo @missmaxime @sothischickshe @joeyjoeylee

some ground rules: I’m only doing brio fic bc at some point when I wasn’t paying attention I wrote a metric fuckton of it and we’re already gonna be here all day bc my other ground rule is I’m allowed to interpret the concept of a line however i want. i’m also gonna tell you why i picked them bc no one can stop me. cool? cool. good talk. 

your monster looks like mine

okay so my first choice for fav would be the entire ~conversation around whether or not beth had a choice when she set rio up bc oooof I just love how that came out so! much! BUT if I’m limiting myself to something closer to a line, I’m going with this one. i love what it establishes for rio’s emotional state when it comes to beth, i love how it captures their push/pull constant one upping battle, I love the rhythm of the flow of it and the grandiose verbiage (i was having a frankly unreasonable amount of fun with natural phenomena imagery throughout the whole fic and this captures a bit of it). idk I just think it’s neat.

The words rip through him, a bright, blazing comet trail whipped across his sky, illuminatin’ his landscape, impossible to ignore.

Elizabeth’s spread out on the bed below him, golden hair tumblin’ around her face, mouth red and swollen, lookin’ up at him like she’s got him. Like she’s figured some shit out. Like she fuckin’ did something by putting that together.

Like Rio doesn’t fuckin’ know. Like that doesn’t fuckin’ haunt him, torment him, mock him every time she pulls some of her bullshit and he’s left picking up the pieces, knowin’ damn well what the right answer is but also knowin’ he’s always gonna be wrong when it comes to her.

--

a song inside the halls of the dark

another one where I’d pick a whole scene if I could BUT if  the whole opening flashback isn’t on the table (idk I love it for 14,000 reasons including how it sets up the bookend structure for the chapter, how it sets up a bunch of the final payoffs, the tone of it, idk everything about it came out exactly how I wanted it to and I really love how it tees up the ending), then I’m going with this bit from the final brio scene. it ties back in a whole bunch of threads that have been woven in and out all the way back to the first chapter and closes them out in a way that also feels (to me) like a beginning which I love bc the whole theme of the chapter is it’s a beginning, not the end.

What does it mean then, that he’s slept so soundly beside her?

The playhouse glows softly. She wonders how many more times she can get away with sanding it before it weakens past the point of supporting the kids’ weight and the whole thing collapses.

Behind it, she can see the long shadow it casts reaching for the boxwoods bordering the yard. The lines of the structure frame windows of bright moonlight on the grass, eerily reminiscent of the windows that loomed large in the nightmares Beth abruptly realizes she hasn’t had in weeks. Not since that last night at Rio’s loft. And that’d been the last one since...his car. Canada. The night all of this started.

Beth blinks. What does it mean that she’s slept so soundly beside him?

A-live, alive, alive, I—

Her breath catches.

—

pills’n’potions

I don’t have any grand reasoning for why I picked this bit from the 4th (i think?) ~ch as my fav, I just really like writing annie and rio interacting and I especially love writing them with annie like, intellectually aware that she should probably be afraid of him but also spiritually incapable of not being herself and rio being wildly annoyed by it

"What?" He asks, giving the t an edge sharp enough to cut.

There's a pause. "What like you didn't hear me, or what like what do I want?"

[...]

"Hello?"

Now the sister sounds like she's getting annoyed, and Rio's really gotta do somethin' about the two of them runnin' 'round actin' like he's someone they can get away with not takin' seriously. Like he's some sort of pet. Defanged. Declawed. Fuckin' neutered.

"Get to the point."

"I mean, I kind of did in the message."

—

trade my heart for honey

the only thing sexier than rio being good at pool is beth being a fucking shark and rio being out of control turned on by it.

Dropping all pretense at being less than she is, Beth grabs the cue ball, positioning it slightly to the left of center where the felt is slightly more worn. Even without the tell, she's seen Rio put it there enough times to know it's the table's sweet spot. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Rio shift his weight before she tunes him out entirely, drawing the stick back and letting it fly.

It's as close to a perfect break as she's probably ever managed. The cue ball connects dead on, scattering the rest far and wide. The one and the six drop neatly into pockets, the four and five coming to a stop right on the edge of the left side and far left corner, nearly closing off that whole side of the table.

Every stripe remains in play.

"Solids," she says, not letting herself dwell on the way Rio's mouth hangs slightly open, his eyes glazed over.

—

swaying evergreens

the whole theme of this fic is the terrifying intimacy and vulnerability of sharing your most precious moments and memories with someone you care about and I like how this touches on that along with sort of nutshelling the double edged sword of grief-tinted memory which is another major theme

There's somethin' extra about these unguarded moments. That Elizabeth trusts Rio enough to drop her guard completely and give him this completely unvarnished look at her. It's been over a year since he's been back in her bed, since the first time he'd slept here, but there's still somethin' tentative about it. Like there's a part of him that's never going to be all the way over the first time he'd been here, that can't fully believe how far they've come, that this isn't going to crumble, melt, drain away.

Truthfully, Rio doesn't mind it, that faint edge. He's well acquainted with the different flavors of loss, and the threat of it's a counterpoint that keeps him sharp. Lets him know this is real but not somethin' he'll take for granted.

—

swear on a silver knife

there were a couple of sexy tension bits that made for strong contenders but ultimately this won bc I’m obsessed with how this reference to 306 came out.

“I told you. I got my own debts to pay.” He bit off the words like it cost him something to repeat them.

Beth shivered, abruptly right back at that picnic table, cheeks wet and staring at him, searching for any hint of the man she’d—she’d—anyone besides the cold, unfeeling stranger sitting beside her, blood so fresh on his hands she could nearly smell it underneath the scent of the cold, misty night rain falling around them, blurring her eyes, beading in her hair and on his eyelashes.

—

listening through the air shaft

this was a really hard one to narrow down but I ultimately went with this but bc I love it for a culminating look at how beth and rio’s relationship has evolved throughout the fic and also bc a version of this scene was the first thing I wrote for the whole fic so it was fun to finally get there with everything in place behind it. I also just love it as a reference for the dichotomy of both beth and rio and also how complicated that is makes being around them for everyone else

They aren't even doing anything, just quietly working side by side, but there's a synchronicity to their movements, a quiet peace that makes Dean feel more like an intruder than anything else that's happened today, and he hates it.

It’s so far from the guy that’d broken into his home, beaten him up. Who’d looked at him with those terrifying, blank, shark eyes before casually shooting him in the chest like it was nothing right where they’re about to sit down and share a meal.

A guy, Dean suddenly realizes, he hasn’t seen any hint of in a long, long time. It’s not that he doesn’t think that part of him isn’t there, it’s just...it’s weird, is all, how completely he puts it away.

It reminds Dean of Beth, actually, now that he’s thinking about it.

God. They look so...so domestic. Sweet. Disarming in a way that completely undermines everything Dean thought he'd known about the guy and their whole...thing.  

He just—he doesn't get it, what Beth sees in him.

—

now use both hands

idk I just like this bit let me live

"What are you—what service?"

He makes himself take the route through the showroom that brings him right past her, leaning in and softly brushing a lock of hair out of her face for the first time in longer than he can remember.

Her eyes flutter shut, and he feels absolutely nothing.

"Helping sad, lonely housewives get off once their husbands are done with them."

Her eyes snap open, and he makes himself look at her long enough to watch the hit land and the hurt bloom.

He's empty, untouchable, she's nothing to him.

Rio doesn't look back.

—

I'd give her a HA! And a HI-YA!

you can take my made up backstory for rio and mick from me when you pry it from my cold dead hands.

Mick had been there the first time Rio'd had to get his hands all the way dirty and had kept an eye on him when he'd gotten blackout drunk after, and Rio'd done the same for him. Every bloody, grimy step Rio'd climbed, Mick had been right there with him, watching his back all the way to the top.

The point is Rio's Mick's brother in every way that counts.

Mick'd seen him twisted up over business and twisted up over personal shit, but he's never seen him let both get twisted up like he had since that fuckin' weasel Boomer'd got his ass handed to him and Rio'd gotten curious about it.

—

as the world turns, the blunt burns

I pull this every time I have to pick a fav and I can’t even really explain it aside from I think I’m really, really funny and that’s enough

Beth suddenly sobers as much as she can when she feels like she's simultaneously floating away and sinking into the Earth and wipes her eyes. "Are you gonna get in trouble?"

"You're in the house, ain't you?" He's answering Beth but looking at Rio.

"Mick," Beth frantically tugs at his pant leg because apparently, he doesn't have all of the information. "We're in the yard."

"Yeah, Mick," Rio says, glaring. "You're in the yard."

Mick shrugs, and Beth realizes he isn't scared of Rio at all. That's a neat trick. How does he do that? Maybe he can teach her.

—

smoke, fire, it’s all going up

there are realistically many other better lines in this fic but this one never fails to make me laugh so it remains my fav.

"You- you-" She sputters at him, flailing around a little. "You were the one that started mailing me pieces of a dead body."

"You blocked my number." Rio snarls, which is not what he'd meant to say, and he hates that she trips him up.

"That is not a proportionate response!"

—

got a kiss (with your name on it)

it was this or the text exchange at the beginning of the fic bc I strongly believe established relationship brio would continually roast each other for their past dumbassery but the elizabeth kink won out

"Come here," Rio's voice is thick but insistent in a way that brings every cell of Beth's body to attention. She hooks her thumb over her bottom teeth and drags her lower lip a little, a gesture full of who me mock innocence, waiting for him to say-

"Elizabeth." There it is.

There's an endless amount of things that Beth finds ferociously, irresistibly sexy about Rio, but when he says her full name in that commanding tone? Even if she's pissed the fuck off and has no intention of doing what he wants, it gives her goosebumps.

—

say it’s all in my head (i remember what you said)

I will be real with y’all, I forget I wrote this fic a lot of the time hahahaha but! that means every time I’m reminded I go back and am like oh yeah! I like this! anyway there isn’t like, one specific but I really love most as much as I really like the tentative breathless nervousness and then also overwhelming so muchness and I like how this but captures both of those

For a single, breathless moment, she stands in the middle of the room, alone and terrified.

Then Rio wets his lips and comes towards her, moving with that languid grace she's never been able to look away from even before she had any idea why that could be.

All of the fear collapses like a dying star, sending a supernova of relief and molten heat zinging through her from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. Her head swims, and every cell in her body feels like it's leaning towards him- like she's made of magnets on a molecular level and he's the lodestone.

He gently pushes her bangs off of her forehead, slowly running his fingertip down the side of her face, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. He tilts his head towards hers and stops, going no further than halfway, leaving it up to her to close the distance.

She lets her eyes fall shut as she leans into him and tentatively touches her mouth to his for the first time.

—

the world is on fire (and no one can save me) / what a wicked game you played (to make me feel this way)

two for one!!! idk if either of these is my number one favorite line from either fic individually but I really like how they both play together. I like writing beth and rio pov and having them mirror each other’s narration both in thought and structure a lot bc I like thinking of them as two versions of the same

Beth checks her phone, nothing from Rhea, and sends a quick I'm here, text me when you're close, and I'll grab a table before wetting a paper towel and wiping away the last of her smeared mascara. With precise, brisk movements, she snaps open her bag and fishes out her compact, her lipstick, and her mascara; lining them up click, click, click on the tiny shelf below the mirror.

She can live with this; she has to live like this; she will live like this.

She flips open the compact and methodically dabs away the flush and pallor and shadows that are not grief, are not loss, are not anything other than shock and horror that she'd gone so far, that she'd lost control, that she'd killed a man (that man).

and

So what the fuck had he been doin' with Elizabeth fuckin' Boland, giving her chance after chance to cross the line? What the fuck was the point of a line if it might as well not be there at all? All because he liked her big blue eyes and the way she worked a tight sweater? Nah, that ain't him. That can't be him. That's the kind of shit that'll get you killed, and he's got three spent bullets in his pocket and a scar next to his heart if he ever needs the reminder again. 

He shifts in the driver's seat, reaching into his pocket and fishing the bullets out. Lining them up on the dashboard with a definitive click, click, click. He looks past them to the brightly lit valet station. He's been parked in the back of the lot for ten minutes now, waiting for Rhea to give him the go sign. He ain't hiding, doesn't need to, Elizabeth ain't lookin' for him, he just wants to make sure he sees her before she sees him. Get a good look first, so he can size up the situation.

[myelocin]

REQ #11, #12, #13,  & #14 | STORIES IN PASSING

synopsis:

Req #11: @omibaby | You realize that in the hours where the world felt still, all your thoughts could really do was run free.

Req #12: @bokutoluvbot​ | Bookstores, pages, and caramel coffee, but shared with a boy who smiled like the sun.

Req #13: @milkfortobio | Your regular cafe, but this time with a tall blonde part-timer who was a little awkward with his way of saying hello.

Req #14: @/anon | Your four am walks to the train station weren’t so bad, specially when shared with a man who sipped hot chocolate like it was coffee.

characters: Akaashi Keiji, Bokuto Koutarou (12&14), Tsukishima Kei, You

genre/tags: fluff

a/n: just a heads up i will be unpinning stories in passing but you can find it on my navigation page! Cradle will be posted tonight, but the rest of the reqs are still being worked on! :D 

-

#11 Akaashi Keiji | omibaby | Rooftop: heading nowhere, 04:25AM

Much like reading, when you find yourself immersed in something, you go all in.

And this time, it’s at four-twenty five at dusk, an hour shy of when the sun would usually rise where you’re seated at the rooftop of your apartment complex drinking in earth and sky.

There was a sense of connection, you realize. When you’re out there and surrounded with nothing but sky. Much like a good book and how that one paragraph is able to pull you in and keep you under, there was an unspoken language between human and nature that you just understood in the hours where the world felt at its most still.

It’s beautiful, you think. The world is beautiful. Nature is constantly at a state of unhurried change; and the change happens slow, yet fast, day by day, then all at once. “Like a kaleidoscope of beautiful chaos,” you recall you’ve read somewhere.

And standing quite some distance away from you, the tenant who lives on the floor above yours thinks the same too.  

“Should we have waited for the sunrise?” you asked when the quiet became deafening as the music from the world quieted.

“No,” he replies, keeping his gaze up at the sky. “I think you’ll learn as much about the world in these hours as you do when the sun rises.”

He laughs silently, telling you not to mind him because he’s probably not making sense, but you’re quick to shake your head (even if he isn’t looking at you), and tell him that the meaning reaches you.

“I’m surprised,” he says again and you laugh. “I can’t tell if you mean for that to be a good thing or a bad thing.”

“That’s on you,” is his answer. “Everything is good to me.”

“Even the world?” you ask, enjoying the flow of the conversation. It felt like you were losing yourself in a book.

“The world is always beautiful,” he laughs, tone profound yet soft. “It’s the people that aren’t.”

“Deep,” you reply and then turn to him at the same time he turns to face you.

There’s probably a good twenty feet separating the both of you and you don’t necessarily know eachother than from passing one another in the hallways from time to time, but you share a smile anyway. As if you’re old friends.

“Maybe it’s just those pre sunrise thoughts talking,” he laughs, looking up and relishing the way the few bits of stars twinkle in the sky.

“Let them talk,” you respond. “It’s like I’m reading a book.”

“That a good thing?” he questions, snickering at how his question parallels.

“That’s on you,” you say, returning the words he said only some moments ago.

“Why? Everything a good thing for you?” he asks again, turning around and leaning back on the railings with his elbows. He faces you, all smiles and eyes serene. He looks a little like a prince, you take note.

“Everything is just as is to me. Nothing is constantly good, or constantly bad. But the chaos it mixes into always has an angle that looks beautiful,” is how you answer him and he nods.

“Deep,” he replies and the both of you stare at each other before bursting into laughter simultaneously.

“I realized why we can’t share conversations like this when the sun rises,” you tell him again. He looks at you waiting for your response, so you continue.

“When the sun rises that’s the world telling us to be silent and watch. But now, when it’s just the moon, some stars, and maybe a few grey clouds—it’s the world listening to us. To our thoughts.”

“Because the world is so still?” he says, branching out your thoughts. You nod because you were about to say the same thing.

“None the less, it’s still beautiful,” you say again, then stretch before leaning back and facing the sky again.

Beautiful, Akaashi agrees, turning to face the sky too.

The moon, the stars, the silence of the city, your thoughts—and perhaps, you too.

-

#12 Bokuto Koutarou | bokutoluvbot | Local bookstore: 5:09PM

To be fair he greets you before you greet him, but you’ve noticed his presence before he did yours.

Then again, how could you not? His energy practically was flowing the second he walked in the room. Bookshops, in particular the one you’re currently at has always felt like a mini home away from home.

There was something about the smell of paper, both old and new, the old coffee machine you’ve known has been around much longer than you have whirring in the background, and the chime of the bells by the door saying hello and goodbye to every passing customer that just took root in you.

You were as consciously aware of the atmosphere as you were of the book you were reading. So when the bell chimes a hello, from your seat you look up and see walking sunshine.

“Hi!” he beams, and the grandmother who you know makes the best coffees perks up with his greeting. You watch as he leans forward and places his order, something you can’t quite hear from where you are, but smile anyway when you realize he jumps into conversation and keeps her company as she busies herself around the kitchen with his order.

When he passes by you and occupies the table to your right, you smell caramel.

It suits him, you think, and then smile as you focus back to your book.

Observing strangers was also one of your favorite ways to pass the time.

About twenty to thirty minutes rolled by and it only took that much for you to notice he was rather an expressive reader. From what you could guess, he was reading some sort of manga. He cackled, so you guessed the dialogue must have been funny, but from the way he gasped and heard his leg tap anxiously—there were probably some well executed fight scenes thrown in there somewhere too.

Then when he exclaimed something rather loudly, you looked at him, intrigued.

“Exciting book?” you say and he scratches the back of his head like he’s suddenly shy.

“Sorry about the noise,” he apologizes, half facing you with his head bowed. He’s finally looking up and watching you wave off his apology, telling him it’s okay, when he beams as a response.

“Words are pretty exciting, aren’t they?” you whisper, leaning closer to his table and he nods his head, putting his book face down on the table and shifting his body to face you.

“I’m usually loud a lot, but I like this place,” he nods, agreeing with you. “And you’re right, they’re exciting. Written or said, words are great!”

His energy was noticeable, you inwardly comment again. From his monochrome hair, tooth grin, booming voice, and mirth in his eyes that went hand in hand with the happiness of his words—he was definitely noticeable.

It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, though.

Especially not as he takes his things and moves to sit next to you, holding out his hand to shake as he introduces himself as Bokuto Koutarou.

“I should probably buy you some coffee,” he laughs, quickly apologizing over just interrupting your space (which you laugh at anyway.)

“That’d be nice,” you reply anyway.

Even though you weren’t too much of a fan of the sweeter types of coffee—you realize maybe caramel could be an exception this time.

-

#13 Tsukishima Kei | milkfortobio | Cafe, 7AM & 6:13PM

You’re made aware that you should definitely make it a habit to bring your glasses with you wherever you went, considering how much of a struggle it is for you to even read the menu at the moment.

You’re on your way to class, but decide to stop by the coffee shop right around the block for some coffee to go.

Considering that you were a regular, at this point you’ve come to know the regular workers by name. In turn, a majority of them have even remembered the usual orders you rotated with on a weekly basis.

So when you enter the café with your Wednesday order already in mind, you’re surprised to be face to face with a tall blonde on the other side of the counter instead of the brunette you usually shared small talk with.

He’d be a lot cuter, you think, if he wasn’t so….

You let your thoughts trail off as you’re snapped back to the present with an expectant quirk of his left eyebrow. “Well?”

Before you could answer with an order you’ve already memorized by heart at this point, the manager, the kind uncle who both owns and manages the establishment comes out of his office, and passes by shooting you a smile, then, “Kei don’t rush the customer.”

He responds with a halfhearted yes before turning his focus back to you and offering a smile that more so tethered along a look of boredom.

If he wasn’t so dry, you finished your prior thought.

Though to be fair, he did apologize for rushing you when you picked up your order in a to go cup.

“So you’re the regular they told me about?” he asks you, leaning against the counter. If you’d met him under different circumstances, you would most likely have half the mind to at least check him out, but that wasn’t exactly the case so you decide to just nod as your choice of response.

“New part timer?”

“Yeah, I still have classes later in the afternoon.”

You nod, not particularly curious to ask more, so you take your order when he hands it to you and wave your hand as a goodbye. The manager shoots you a smile and a good luck on the exam you were taking that morning.

You’re already half way down the street before you realize that the new blonde part timer also waved his hand and smiled.

-

It’s a little past six pm when you finally make it out of class and on the way home, when for the second time that day, you decide to stop by the café to pick up some dinner to go for that night.

This time, it’s just the two regulars working with the manager sitting at a far table with some stacks of papers.

“Dinner?” one asks you and you nod, already pulling out the exact bill you know it comes out to every time.

“You’re the best!” you reply, grabbing the bag and bidding a quick goodbye as you walk out the door again.

“Kei bought you a slice of cake too,” the other regular comments and she shoots you a knowing look as you look at her in confusion.

Strawberry shortcake, you smile as you peek in the bag. And apparently he made a new blend of tea, too.

You spend the remainder of the night thinking about how much sweeter the blend of your tea seemed to taste from before. Though as a second thought, when you take another sip, you decide that you don’t really mind.

-

#14 Bokuto Koutarou | anon | 7/11, 04:59 AM

Taking the first train wasn’t one of Bokuto’s favorite things to do especially when it meant getting up before five in the morning. Because of the temporary relocation of their gym, for the next three weeks Bokuto didn’t have much of a choice other than take the earliest train to make it in time for morning practice.

He could have just drove, Atsumu would comment, but thinking about driving when you were half asleep didn’t seem too appealing for him so that was out of the question.

Train rides weren’t so bad. From his station to the gym, even the morning rush hour proved to be slow. Plus, he found that falling asleep to the steady stop and start of the train was something he’d come to enjoy.

In contrast, you loved your early start of the day. The walk to the train station, sipping coffee while you wait on the platform, seeing familiar faces in strangers everyday—it felt like a nice part of your routine.  

Especially in the spring. You’re walking past the convenience store when it’s 4:57 AM, before you stop, take two quick steps back and walk in deciding to get your coffee here instead of the usual one from the vending machines.

A change could be nice, you think.

And you hold on to that thought as you make your way to the counter to pay and only smile at the sight of a man pulling bills out of his wallet while trying to blink away the sleep in his eyes.

“Good morning,” you tell him, offering a smile when he turns around and notices you.

“Too early for morning,” he sighs and takes a sip of his drink. Hot chocolate, you notice. Cute. “Sun’s not even out,” he continues, shaking his head before taking another sip.

This time, he sighs, muttering something along the lines of, “wow, that really hits the spot,” before bowing and shuffling to the side after checking the time on his watch.

The station was a few steps away, and the first train wouldn’t be arriving for another fifteen minutes, so you deem it safe enough to start conversation.

“First train?”

He nods and offers you a smile despite looking sleepy and raises his cup of hot chocolate to your choice of coffee.

“Maybe you wanna try some coffee instead of some hot chocolate?” you suggest and he shakes his head with a pout. Cute, you think again, then snicker behind your coffee.

“I like sleeping in the train,” he yawns. “Bokuto, by the way,” he beams at you and you nod your head as you tell him your name.

“We should get going; train’s arriving soon,” you say and he nods, pushing himself off of the counter to walk with you.

You like your morning routine, you realize. And it was because of the little things too. The much needed solitude during your walks, the quieter atmosphere of a usually busy station, and the smell of dewdrops your herb garden gives off in the early hours.

And perhaps you could add in a reason today. Of how much you like the taste of your coffee: warm against the cooler morning air. And even warmer as you share it with a stranger, walking next to you, and beaming like sunlight itself.

-

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

oohohoho you just opened the deepest can of worms on the planet

-mod dave, who wrote a fucking ten mile essay

first off, addressing the second anon, no theyre all humans. h., half humans at least. cause yall know me i fucking love my humanstuck aus off my ASS

(that would be funny as hell though. a troll from space walking into a camp on earth going “I AM THE SON OF ONE OF YOUR EARTH GODS. BITCH” like... holy shit)

so first things first their parents. im gonna lay this out, the beta kids and trolls are all greek (EXCEPT sollux hes roman cause his parent has no greek equivalent), and all the alpha kids and trolls are those gods roman equivalents (,,EXCEPT dirk cause he kinda balances sollux being roman out). i havent figured out how thatd happen like 16+ times yet cause in the percy jackson books theres only ever been one instance of two siblings of the same godly descent being greek and roman respectively in HISTORY so like.. i guess th. i guess thats just not a problem in this au

anyway this gets really long so im gonna talk about the beta kids and trolls cause i havent elaborated on the alphas at all ((peep the tags if you wanna see their parents though))

johns the son of zeus, rose is the daughter of athena, dave is the son of apollo, and jade is the daughter of demeter. they were all raised in their respective states, all had to come to new york for various reasons. jades been there the longest, shes been there 9 years and shes been on a couple quests. her biggest accomplishment so far is how she protected the camp from this big vicious angry hellhound that got past the barrier. naturally the girls fluent in Dog Training, so she steps up and instead of trying to kill this thing, she reaches out and tames it as fast as she can. it ends up actually working, and ever since that day she, her cabin, and the camp have a whole bodyguard sleeping right outside the demeter cabin! hes her steed in battle and hes a Very Good Boy. and his name is becquerel

johns the newest kid at camp, he has no idea who he is or why the fuck his school got attacked or why in the hell those anemoi thuellai were so fixated on him or HOW in the hell he absorbed the lightning one threw at him and ended up fine,,, hes just a big mess right now. a big enough mess that when he got claimed by literally zeus, no one else was around, he shrugged it off as some basic magical happening, and he stayed in the hermes cabin far longer than he should have cause no one! fucking knew he got claimed! by zeus of all people! dumbass. he ends up figuring it out though. like an off-hand mention about how this “weird lightning thing appeared above my head a couple weeks ago, haha weird right?” once he figures it out he realizes “hey i might be able to fly” so he sneaks off into the woods to try it. he succeeds fairly quickly but god almighty everyones face the one day the dude just yote himself off a small cliff without warning,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

dave and rose are really tight, theyve been there roughly the same time length, and since their cabins are across from each other they just bother each other all the time. daves the resident Doctor even though he really doesnt look it cause hes got the apollo powers. apollo is the medicine god. so if you wound your stupid ass in battle daves in the ER room patching you up with his glowy hands. rose on the other hand is a very good strategist. shes one of the only athena kids ever recorded to actually have a power - telekinesis. she has no idea how she developed it, she thinks its from birth, but it freaks her out. shes training it though.

so the beta trolls, are also all human(ish). aradias hades kid. but i pulled a pjo trope on her based on one of my favorite characters (im not saying for spoilers, but if you recognize the situation, You Probably Know Who Its Based Off) and aradia died. her mom, the handmaid, had been pulling some Shady Ass Shit and ended up getting herself killed, but aradia tried saving her and ended up going down with her.

so handmaid gets sentenced to the fields of punishment in the underworld, and aradia gets sentenced to elysium, heroes paradise. shes like “no i want my mom to be okay” so they take that away from aradia and they put them both in the fields of asphodel, the neverending grey space for Not So Good But Not So Bad people. her mom becomes a shade (shadow spirit, no human resemblance), as all people do, but aradia. doesnt? and she gets dunked in the fucking river lethe and if you dont know what that does it erases your memory. so she just. comes out of the river like “hello? wgat tae fukc goin on??” but she still remembers one thing. there was an “a” in her name.

tavros is the son of hermes, hes just kinda taken on the role of backup counselor for when the actual cabin counselor is out. hes in a wheelchair, but he also has prosthetic legs for when he needs to actually stand up and fight. hes really good at it too. also catch him in winged converse cause he Owns Those and Uses Them To His Advantage. hes trying his best to keep focused on the camp, cause aradia was his childhood friend, he misses her a whole lot, she never got to camp in the first place. and to his knowledge, shes still dead.

sollux is a janus kid. thats a problem cause janus is roman, and this is a greek camp. he grew up with dave, he showed up with dave, hes been at camp as long as dave. but hes been unclaimed since he showed up so he thinks hes unwanted by whatever parent he has. he knows hes a demigod, he got through the camp barriers, so what the fuck is wrong with him? he also feels shitty cause hes shit at the greek lessons, he cant read a lick of it which literally every demigod without exception should be able to do, he cant name any gods- well, he can, but.. he gets their names mixed up. why does he keep calling poseidon “neptune”? and he has a much, much different way of natural fighting than other kids. they slice, he jabs. he wasnt taught to jab. 

karkat is an aphrodite kid with vitiligo, and to make matters worse, hes ace and on the aro spectrum. to make matters WORSE, the aphrodite kids are kinda notorious for being really shallow, really materialistic, and really mean. karkats been dubbed the “runt” of the cabin, he gets made fun of for his spots to the point where he uses make up and magic to conceal them. worst of all? hes the kid of the goddess of love, for fucks sake. being reminded that “loveless people shouldnt be able to stay in this cabin, mom must have made a mistake claiming you” is kind of.. a blow to the self esteem. long story short he hates aphrodite for claiming him, and would have rather stayed in the hermes cabin. but he eventually goes on this big quest thats vague as fuck right now but Its The Main Plot, he ends up proving to himself that hes worth something and that his siblings are wrong, and my FAVORITE LINE IN THE WHOLE THING i came up with is HIS when he deals a final blow to some big monster: “REMEMBER MY FACE THE NEXT TIME YOU REINCARNATE. MY NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS, I’M THE SON OF APHRODITE, AND LOOKS CAN KILL.”

nepeta isnt anywhere near developed as others are unfortunately, shes a daughter of ares and shes really really good at hand to hand combat. shes small but she leads groups of people in things ranging from camp volleyball games to actual literal wars. shes a tough little shit

kanaya isnt really developed either, i have yet to figure out most of her powers too actually, shes a daughter of iris, the rainbow goddess though. (blatant reference to both kanayas vampirism and. h. her. sh. es ga. gay) ONE THING SHE CAN DO THOUGH is iris message at will without water or drachmas so really shes just everyones go to cell phone and its fucking hilarious cause people just come into the cabin like “KANAYA I NEED TO TALK TO [X]” and shes like “You Better Fucking Pay Me I Am Not Your Personal Cell Phone”

terezi is the daughter of nemesis and she has this really peculiar power she hasnt really gotten the hang of yet. she has synesthesia, so while she cant see she can smell and taste the colors of her surroundings and its really helpful. sometimes though she gets messages from her mom. they dont even come as dreams half the time, they come as almost a different plane altogether. tez has the power to literally tip the scales, pretty much. and when she gets like that, she can see. shes not on earth though, shit on earth stops when shes like that. shes just kinda In Her Own Head, i guess? and in her head she holds the two scales in her hands. she is the arms of the scale. and depending on which one she lifts up, she can literally alter the fate of the battle or happening thats going on By Herself. once she chooses she just whooshes back to real life though and nothing has changed. the only downside? it takes a LOT of energy and cant be exploited for little things. her one thing on her bucket list is to tap into said powers while getting something from a vending machine so like three things will fall out but it hasnt happened yet and shes upset

vriskas a daughter of tyche, the luck goddess, come the fuck on you knew i was gonna, i havent really elaborated on her either and im upset about that. but hey now you get a break from all those fucking paragraphs

equius is a hephaestus kid, and he kinda stays in the background. hes a range fighter, he spends a lot of time in the forge, and even though its been a project looooong since forgotten, hes been excavating the tunnels under cabin nine for years. by himself. he has no idea where they lead, but dammit hes gonna find out where. he has no idea about a certain bunker in the woods though...

gamzees just there for a fucking laugh tbh hes a son of dionysus and i love that cause hes the god of wine and parties and insanity. usually gamzees just zoning out somewhere hes Not supposed to be, and hes not affected by the maenads FUCKED UP BULLSHIT that goes down the forest sometimes. also hes so fucking scared of tavroses wing shoes he tried them on once while he was high and JESUS CHRIST

eridan is the son of kymopoleia, a SUPER obscure goddess. lets just say dont fuck with eridan cause his mom is the goddess of violent sea storms,

and naturally, feferi is the daughter of poseidon. cause who the FUCK else would she be the daughter of. WHO. NAME ONE GOD

OH AND JUST CAUSE I FORGOT CALLIE AND CALIBORN ARE SATYRS IN THIS AU. CALLIE HAS PAN PIPES. and caliborn still has a gun

[echo-inthevoid]

Friends at the table live blogging? Reaction? Thoughts? What is this?

So I know usually people start these at episode one but when I started listening to this podcast it was just cause I was super bored and I had no intention of liking it so much. But I do like it incredibly lots and there isn't enough content out there for autumn in hieron, (which is what I'm currently listening through because I decided to start at the beginning), and there needs to be more. So I'm going to write out my reactions and predictions for the rest of this season (I'm on episode 21 now.) I've also already made some art so I'll post that along with the reactions. All of this ill tag as #myf@ttreactions so... I guess if I end up spamming you can block it or if you come across this later and want to read it all in order you can do that too.

Alright. So to recap what I've listened to so far. Obviously, this will contain spoilers but I'll try to be somewhat vague? So if you do plan on listening but don't mind spoilers it's not gonna be like there's no point in listening anymore?

The first arc (the first tower? Idk if there's a naming system in place for the arcs within each season? Are their multiple arcs in other seasons of hieron? Idk. I've been trying to avoid spoilers.) I'll just call it the first tower until I'm told otherwise.

The first tower was super interesting, although at that point I couldn't tell the difference between any of the voices except phantasmo and hella? So I didn't super follow the character development or interactions super well (also the audio wasn't great early on). But the whole thing about every npc having a goal and at least some personality is a thing I really love. The whole thing with the animated chefs hat? Brilliant loved it.

hadrian killed the skeleton dude! I was also upset about it!

Even this early on I was in love with austins story telling. He gives everything such personality and seems capable of just going with whatever the players decide to do in a way I find almost unbelievable? Like? How????? Teach me your ways?

Also they are all so... Earnest and unabashed in caring about their characters and the world? basically they are a bunch of nerds, but that caring is something that means a lot to me.

All the characters arguing at the end was interesting? Like these guys aren't just gonna stick together cause their the player characters, they're willing to split up or fight and I found that very interesting. I've only listened to taz as far as actual play podcasts are concerned so forgive me if I don't know how rpg podcasting usually goes or compare these two a lot.

Hella and phantasmo were my favorites at this point (because they were the only voices I could recognize), and I thought hadrian and fero were the same person??? Sort of? I was very confused.

And I think that's all I have to say about the first tower.

So on to snow party and then boat party.

at this point 1. The audio got better, and 2. I realized fero and hadrian were different people because they were in two different places.

Throndir is introduced and is a tentative favorite. He has a dog, is an elf, looks up to two idiots, is just generally adorable?

Hadrian decides not to sleep after having nightmares. Yes yes yes give meee angst. Also having come to this from listening to Taz the willingness to explore the characters emotions so much was very nice? Like taz is great, but it is about 90% goofs, which is great and what a lot of people like about it, and is something I like about it. It's just rather surprising going from one sort of extreme to the other? Anyway, I liked it.

Phantasmo goes invisible and then reality slowly disappears? Spooky. Very nice. They go into how he's feeling about it? Copy paste the paragraph I just wrote again. That good good character development stuff! I could probably have writen a pretty in character fanfic about phantasmo just having the information about him from that one thing?

The ice monster? Spookyyyy! Also. Throndir slowly rising as a solid favorite. My boy was so cold and scared! ;-;

Phantasmo is an old grumpidygrump. I love.

Hadrian tries his best.

Wooorddd eatterrrsssss!!! This idea confused me a lot. And still does? How does one subsist on words? How do you eat a word? Do you eat it from just one person or does it disappear for everyone? Phantasmo didn't forget samothese's name, but at the same time it seems like the snow elves forgot about the goblins pretty thoroughly. Maybe just cause they live shorter now? And have lived with the word eaters for a long time? How do they not know the word eaters exist? Do the word eaters not turn them wordless ever? I have so many questions! Does a word eater have any consciousness before it eats a word? Or is it just a collection of words that eventually form a consciousness? What ARE they?

Phantasmos speech to the word eater.... O.O He was actually helpful? Wowowow. Also, super cool.

He immediately rubs it in everyones faces. Of course.

Also apparently throndir is part goblin??? When did that happen? The next episode just sort of started with them talking about it and I feel like I missed something??? Please help, where was that? When did that happen?

Also the goblin asking if throndir is going to torture the other pcs. Hints at tragic backstory™? 👀

And. Now i must scream about the entire part with the other snow elves!!!!!!!!!!

Like!!! They disected people!? And throndir saw it!? First of all, that's gotta be a bit traumatic, secondly, that's gotta be like terrifying also!!? Likewhkahskwbdjdjdjsksjd. I am a sucker for angst and you are just giving me this!? You're just giving it to me??? There is so MUCH that can be pulled out of this!? Also I didn't have any wifi or signal for a couple days in between them being captured and it being revealed that they were going to let throndir go and I am gonna have to write a fic some time about what I thought was going to happen. It definitely included throndir getting disected with like magic and things and was uuuu.. Very angst.

Throndir is my favorite for sure at this point. 100%. He's my boyy.

Alright now back to BOAT PARTYYYY!!!

Calhoun is great. Everything great. Then it's not.

Emanuel and lem!!!!! Im slow on the uptake when it comes to romance (ace here, hello) but I think this is the fastest I've ever shipped anything. Aka when lem decided he'd stay in the city with Emanuel and the others were kinda teasing him about how he had this whole idea of Emanuel in his mind... I was like haaanngg on a second! Is the romantic tension so strong here that even I can sense it!? Also then lem jokingly called him his boyfriend so.

Probably everyone else shipped it immediately when lem stopped fighting because Emanuel looked at him funny...

Again, austins ability to just sort of take whatever the players do and just go with it? Like now there's this whole ghost city!??

I really hope things turn out alright with lem and Emanuel, like. I hope Emanuel is still around in 4 seasons? (Or however many seasons of hieron there is?)

I just realized that if there's 4 seasons of hieron then that us an incredible pun and I am proud of whoever came up with it? If it wasn't just a coincidence? Is this a thing people are aware of? Have I unlocked my third eye?

I'm listening to episode 21 right now so I need to cry about Calhoun a bit. Like. Oof. Hella why. Also Ali/Hella was crying!!? And Calhoun was crying? And now I'm crying!? Calhoun became a favorite character of mine and then immediately died in like 2 minutes.

...i have now reached the end of episode 21 and I am scared.

Calhoun please don't change now? Like kill hella sure, but don't become eviill?? I just want everyone to be happy ;~;

Alright. Well. See ya next episode.

[clumsyclifford]

hello!! i am back and on desktop this time. the blog is just as pretty. alex + yellow = v v attractive jfc. this is a long one so buckle in.

to begin: i hope you have the most fun on your day road trip and sing your heart out to atl and taylor swift. i love driving long distances and idk just driving in general is fun. have the absolute best time MWAH

my birthday is in november!! november 23 to be specific. i share it with miley cyrus which is something i always found to be very cool when i was growing up and watching hannah montana. it also means i am a sagittarius and funny little fact i realized is that my best friend is a gemini. alex and jack are also a sagittarius and a gemini. from being 13 i know that tyler and josh from twenty one pilots are also a sagittarius and a gemini. something about sagittarius and gemini besties idk.

also yeah!! ao3 year in review!! it's a bit complicated to figure out at first and if you read a lot the finding pages thing can be pretty tedious, but it's def worth it once you figure it out. it gives you a lot of different stats about everything you read and it's pretty cool. now i am going to go look at your fics to remember my favs. you deserve the praise so i am willing to offer it. jeez you write a lot i respect the motivation sm. you write quite a bit of angst and i won't lie i try to stay away from angst so i haven't read your fics that seem super angst-y based on the tags. BUT there are still so many i recall reading and loving nonetheless. on a quick scroll-through: i usually don't read high school AUs but "paint me in trust (i'll be your best friend)" was super adorable and lovely. "thank god i'm yours" is one of my favs iirc. also i love love love "it's not always easy (but i'm here forever)" like yes please romanticize alex gaskarth i love it sm. "i won't be silent (and i won't let go)" and "i fell asleep in a city that doesn't" are both super fluffy and romantic and are favs of mine. in case you haven't picked up on it i adore very fluffy and romantic fics lmao. alright i am continuing to scroll and there are so many more i could list that i love but this section is getting quite long. just know if it's about a kitchen or hotel rooms being for lovers i probably read it and adored it and that pov is so valid.

waterparks!! will not lie i only really started listening to them about 6 months ago having been distantly aware of their existence for several years by being a fan of bands in the same genre. listen as long as you let yourself be vaguely annoyed by awsten is prevents you from being in love with him. follow him on any social media platform for like a day and you'll be sick of him typing in nothing but all caps within hours. simply do not romanticize him and you can keep yourself from falling!! so this is coming from a slightly fake parx fan, but some of my favs by them have been peach (lobotomy), crave, numb, fuzzy, violet!, you'd be paranoid too, and lowkey as hell. that is a very songs-from-their-most-recent-album-heavy rec, but whatever. i did give the disclaimer about being a fake parx fan.

yeah hayley does have 2 solo albums now!! petals for armor and flowers for vases / descansos. pfa is the one i didn't really like upon first listen but has grown on me. i haven't even listened to the second one in its entirety oops but we won't mention it. dead horse is good but simmer (pretty sure that was the other single??) just ain't it for me. the album has some lovely songs but it's just a hit or miss album all the way through. some favs of mine on it include pure love, taken, crystal clear, watch me while i bloom, and why we ever. it's sorta a storyline album about healing if that adds anything to it?? but anyways. i started listening to paramore around the time after laughter dropped and it grew to be one of my fav albums in existence. idle worship is probably one of my fav songs like ever. i def understand being slightly put off by bands with songs that make religious references (me with twenty one pilots' earlier music that makes a lot more religious references considering i'm not religious whatsoever) but i think i am blinded by being in love with hayley williams and just ignore it. idk that she's like super religious?? she's addressed believing in god and stuff a few times but she's def not the "rub it in your face" type and if she's making refs in music more recently then they're subtle enough i'm not noticing them. ik albums like brand new eyes had a lot more because it was shortly after that the band split and the songwriting process was essentially her and ex-bandmate co-songwriter arguing about their religious beliefs (turns out he ended up being super homophobic and transphobic all based on his religion so do with that what u will and thank the clown for leaving). i feel u on the "i meant to start listening to them" because that's essentially how i started listening to them. i told myself i was going to and then finally forced myself to do it. fuck falling for awsten knight what's more risky is falling in love with hayley </3

also yeah!! you've articulated my feelings towards tde. every song is so vastly different that it's hard to like it all. #1 fan is pretty decent though, and that's not just my bias about finding both ross and his gf hot and a cute couple and getting to see them together and ross half naked in a mirror in the video nope not at all. he's my fav himbo!! he has no personality!! no thoughts head empty!! i still love him and his strawberry-growing saga on twitter tho <3 the hazard of being in love with ross lynch since i was 12. girlfriend better be a fucking banger and there's quite a few already released singles in the tracklist so i have hope. i believe my show is in chicago on november 19 which is a thursday. kinda sucks since i intentionally bought the chicago tix nearly two years ago (the show was originally supposed to be april 25 2020. lol.) because the show was on a saturday and i have to drive 3 hours to get there. obviously i can't speak for them as tde but r5 shows always fucking slapped and i can vouch for them (realized i haven't seem them live since 2016?? 5 YEARS?? wtf) so if u genuinely like them. would recommend going to see them.

anyways. i have not listened to luke's solo album yet. i plan on it. this has gotten so long but i tried to respond in all areas and even organized it in different paragraphs this time (thanks being on desktop!!). hope you are well. hope you have a lovely day. hmm what's a little "going on in my life" fact. i got new glasses a few days ago and my eyes essentially said fuck off because adjusting to the new prescription has left me with eyes that hurt and occasionally slightly nauseous. here is to hoping my eyes get their shit together. mwah LOVE YOU TOO - the other bella/cubs anon/idk

okay hi hello. i have put this off because holy hell it's long but let's do it. i am putting a cut because this whole thing is long even without my answer

first: the road trip was super fun thank you!!! i am intrigued by this information regarding sags and geminis, we should do some scientific inquiry. enquiry. i don't know if there's a difference between those words.

aha! well i tried the ao3 year in review thing and i would say it had about 55% accuracy but still i agree it's fun to look back at that kind of stuff. and i feel you on the angst thing i go through phases of writing angst-heavy stuff and then writing very fluffy stuff and it is entirely based on my mental state buuuut i have lots of fluff and i'm glad you found it all and that you liked it yay <333 KITCHENS ARE FOR LOVERS i will die on that fuckin hill. hotel rooms as well but primarily kitchens.

dfgjhgdlfkhgdfmj honestly i dont use twitter enough that i would see his tweets enough that that would bother me also the fact that he tweets in all caps means that i just picture him yelling everything he tweets which i find absolutely hysterical so i don't think that would help. i have added these parx songs to my listen asap playlist and will get to them when i get a chance thank you i am excited also i already know lowkey as hell and it slaps super hard so im very much lookin forward to the rest of these. merci merci

YEAH simmer was the one i didnt vibe with. and honestly i feel zero compulsion to get into hayley williams as a solo artist. i just don't vibe enough to want to do that so i doubt i'll be listening to her anytime soon but maybe if i hear the songs in passing or get super bored one night, idk who can really say. but yeah christianity typically puts me off of music (speaking as a very jewish bitch) although there are notable exceptions in the cases of thomas rhett and the driver era. i'm just not attached to hayley enough to be like ehhh this doesnt matter. does that make sense

FAVORITE HIMBO PLEASE HGSDFGDFGKLFGJ i dont follow him on twitter but i have seen some interviews of ross and rocky and tbh they're great i love the way ross speaks like i like his speech mannerisms and i like his FACE and HAIR and. yeah. i think hes pretty. and i think he and 5sos SHOULD collab i think that would be sexy as hell. can you imagine that. oh my god can you imagine a ross lynch/luke hemmings collab. i'm not even really talking to you anymore bella because i know you haven't listened to luke yet and don't have a stake in it but if anyone else is reading this long ass answer. ross & luke collab. okay im going to move on and not think about that now. but i probably won't see tde unless i get a job this semester because i'm trying to stop spending so much money on big indulgent things like concerts likeee i was in a really good habit of not spending that much and then suddenly i got paid for one summer and i was just goin Crazy and i need to dial it back. plus i wanna see ajr and noah kahan equally bad so like. i have to make some calls about priorities here. it's Much to think about

good luck to your eyes i'm sure your new glasses are hella cute tho!!! LOVE YOUUUUUUU

[sobdasha]

i got caught up with this not because i did better but because i’ve had no time/watched some tv

War for the Oaks, Emma Bull I began reading this book at the same time as The Innkeeper's Song, listed below. I started out dragging my feet on this one and racing through TIS. But one book got progressively more amazing while the other book got progressively less impressive and my better book is this one. This was the roomie's first brush with urban fantasy, and one of her friends got her a second-hand first edition paperback, and so she talked about it a lot until I finally picked it up and she said "Uh but also I haven't read it in forever so I uh. Don't know how it holds up." (She rightly fears me because as you will have noticed I am a Very Particular Reader.) Reasons I disliked this book at first: - fashion choices that scream "1980s" and fashion choices that scream "lesbian" are incredibly similar and guess which of the two I am not getting, seeing as this was published in 1987. - Eddie is breaking up with her garbage boyfriend which is good but she has an incredible amount of chemistry with Carla which is disheartening given that I know I won't get sapphics and Eddie will end up dating some other boy with whom there is no chemistry. - This is a book about rock-n-roll bands I don't know any of these songs (okay I might know these songs but I don't know artists or titles so I may as well not know any of these songs) it's kinda wasted on me. - oh boy I'm so excited to watch her and the phouka fight like Kagome and Inuyasha or any other pair with this dynamic yaaaaay /sarcasm Reasons this came to be a Good Read: - Everyone dresses so goddamn queer in this book that you know what, everyone except that jerkass Stuart is queer. He's garbage so he can be straight or whatever. It's my reading experience I do what I want. There's no way these people aren't bi. Also it's canon because everyone takes one look at the phouka and assumes he's gay. …………………………with slurs but still. - Good supporting cast. - I both failed to give the phouka a deep voice and also to sustain a Stereotypical Gay voice (which, the dialogue will totally 100% support), but I did accidentally voice him with Tatum's dub of Tomoe from Kamisama Kiss which was completely appropriate in the "vaguely gay vaguely British unambiguously prissy" department, and also entertaining because it reminded me of the dynamics in that anime but, y'know, better. - I almost gave up when the romance hit hardcore but it turned out later that was actually a fake-out that was meant to be garbage and set us up for the endgame much later, by which point Eddie and the phouka actually had the same level of chemistry as Eddie and Carla, so I could actively enjoy the ship. A win! Anyway it was fun. It may not have aged the best in the sense that it strove to be accurate to time and place (see: homophobic slurs), but the character dynamics held up pretty dang well. I would definitely read this again and enjoy myself; in fact I plan to.

The Innkeeper's Song, Peter S. Beagle I was very excited to read this because I was so blown away by The Last Unicorn but the more I read the more disappointed I got. Half the time I feel like that weeb who is like "hello I only like your fanfic you wrote when you were 13 and high on pixie stixs, all your stuff now sucks", and half the time I tell myself, "Maybe there is a reason I've only ever heard of The Last Unicorn and had no idea he'd actually written other books." As you have probably picked up by now, I have a knee-jerk dislike of first person PoV where it must prove itself worthy to me first, despite the fact that I like plenty of things written in first person. I also have a knee-jerk dislike of "I will change the narrator every chapter and announce loudly who it is instead of doing it subtly but unmistakably in the content of the text itself." This book had both. Despite all my harsh judgment, it would be incorrect of me to say that this writing choice is not valid. That this writing choice cannot be used to amazing effect. I do not believe that is what happened here. I did not feel it was adding much to the story to begin with (other than being the shortest and straightest path to advancing a narrative with many fronts), and I was definitely unimpressed when we got to the string of chapters, all of them less than a page and some no more than a paragraph, during the orgy scene where the 3 women have sex with 1 teen boy who's been thirsting after them, and they pay him a lot of worshipful attention in the orgy even though none of them actually like him, and also this is when we reveal one of the women is a man in disguise in the most confusing way possible so my cringe got even deeper as I waited for Beagle to fuck up a trans storyline. (It was literally just "I'm on the run so I'm magically dressing as a girl" but it took a really long time to clarify that after.) In addition to not liking the narrative structure, I just wasn't interested or invested in the actual plot. It didn't feel very urgent or important and at the end I was like "what even happened and also why did it happen." I was underwhelmed. I was definitely the wrong audience for this book. Oh also because I was not enjoying myself I started to get really irrationally annoyed by the way fantasy fauna and flora would have fantasy names and they would be italicized. In a first person PoV. Where the narrator is literally speaking the language that this word is native to. It half felt pretentious, and half highlighted what felt like a loose thread: everyone is literally narrating to someone (presumably collecting the story, after everyone has gone their separate ways) and this has all been woven together into a proper narrative, but our story collector is absent despite addresses to such a person. What purpose does this serve? Does it make it more ~authentic~ fantasy? Because I don't buy it. Now my suspension of disbelief is snapped; I'd have preferred it was either left out entirely, or made into a brilliant framing device like in The Name of the Wind.

Giant Bones, Peter S. Beagle This one was short stories "set in the same universe as The Innkeeper's Song", which basically meant some city names were reused, as well as all those italicized fantasy names and the "I am narrating my story to an audience in-story" frame. You know, all the things I didn't particularly care for. I pressed on to see if there was anything I might like, but since I can't remember, I assume there wasn't. Because this left me wanting, and the title was Giant Bones, I went to reread Conservation of Shadows by Lee instead, starting with "The Bones of Giants," which was greatly preferable, so much more my speed. That's when I did the write-up for the last round of books lol.

Nimona, Noelle Stevenson This has been on my list for Forever but I'm bad at reading new books. Anyway! Nimona was very good!! It felt, hm, very self-indulgent in the way that is amazing, where the creator gives themself whatever they want and the work turns out brilliantly because of it. I didn't think I was into friends to enemies to lovers but apparently I love it wen Stevenson handles it (see: She Ra reboot). Speaking of She Ra, I probably would have figured out where the end game was going if I'd read Nimona before looool. I know people referenced it when they talked ships but I just….didn't...pay enough attention. There was found family stuff I enjoyed, dad stuff, I'm finding that I am liking a lot of takes on monster girls, etc. Anyway it gave me a lot of feelings, it was funny, it was good, I need to get a copy.

The Dragon Pearl, Yoon Ha Lee The first time I talked about this book I mentioned something about the pacing and suspending disbelief or whatever, but I want to note that this time the pacing felt perfect and the plot didn't seem weird at all, it flowed very smoothly. I don't know if that's because it was a reread and I knew where it was going, or because I just read it awkwardly the first time. Anyway. Something that stood out to me this time is that, near the end, I realized this story is a bit animated Disney Mulan. There's even the "you broke this you broke that you impersonated a soldier but also you saved China so thanks" bit. Where The Dragon Pearl is wildly different from other Mulan-type stories that I like (see: Monstrous Regiment) is that it is entirely ungendered. (There are some mentions of gender in the book. These amount mostly to, "most foxes choose to be female because Tradition but one of my cousins decided to be male like my brother and no one mocks him for it" and "official name tags also include handy signifiers of which personal pronouns a person prefers.") What I'm trying to say is, a lot of other stuff when dealing with/trying to deconstruct gender stereotyping, ends up reinforcing it in a way. In order to illustrate why the stereotypes are wrong, they end up repeating the stereotypes a lot in order to argue against them. The Dragon Pearl, on the other hand, is genderless in a way that doesn't reinforce the gender binary. There are no gendered clothes. There are no gendered bathrooms. There are no gendered hairstyles or accessories. There are no gendered actions or emotions or stereotypes. There are no gendered bodies (the differences highlighted between Min and Jang-who-she's-shapeshifting-into are of build ie, height, center of gravity, not of private bits). No plot points revolve around the maleness of the person Min is impersonating; no plot points revolve around the femaleness of Min. And they/them? It's never explained why any person uses that pronoun. They just do so that's just how it is. I just think this is amazingly neat and I wanna applaud Lee for this finesse.

The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue, Mackenzi Lee I put this on my list because Queer and people were recommending it, but it was not well-advertized to me. I was expecting shallow teen romance, but dressed in historical clothes and unsubtly, unabashedly, unashamedly GAY. So I was expecting some gay. I was not expecting gay pining I actually enjoyed, I was not expecting call-outs for privilege of wealth and class and sex and color, I was not expecting the drama of the romance to not be stupidly fabricated misunderstandings but instead be driven by the need for character development and personal growth, I had forgotten I was expecting people of color, people with disabilities, badass women, I was not expecting a nuanced call-out of ableism ("I don't believe I need to be well to be happy", etc). I was not expecting a reversal of gender stereotypes that avoided saying "X gender is bad." Like, Monty is the team weakest link. Monty faints at the sight of blood. Monty is romantic and emotional and swoons at the slightest provocation. Monty uses his wiles to seduce people, that's the main skill he actually brings to the party. Monty cries. Aside from probably Monty's asshole dad who hates him for being gay, no one else nor the narrative calls these traits out as being Feminine (And Therefore Bad). Like, haha, We All Know These Are All Stereotypes Of Women At The Time, but no one says it. I find there's something really nice about no one saying it. Meanwhile, Percy and Felicity are competent and cool and I heart them. (What the hell, I heart Monty too. He really grows on you. He's so soft and in love and pathetic.) Anyway going back to the privilege thing, I love that Percy and Felicity and others constantly call Monty out on his privilege and refuse to coddle him over it. But they also care about him and they are very tender to him, not because of his privilege, but because he is a person who deserves basic person things, when he has his own issues. Your issues don't excuse your behavior, but yikes we deeply underestimated the sheer depth of your PTSD and we're gentler with you because of it. So try to stop being an ass. This book is just super wholesome and I can already tell this will be one of my new go-to's when I need a comfort book. Like Ancillary Justice etc.

The Gentleman's Guide to Getting Lucky, Mackenzi Lee This is not a fanfiction in the sense that is it written by the author and not a fan, but you need to understand, as part of me selling this to you as earnestly as I can, this is a fanfiction set after The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue which involves hijinks as Monty and Percy try and fail hilariously to have their first time having sex together, Felicity tries to wingman, there are miscommunications and nervous breakdowns and tender resolutions and it is absolutely a perfect indulgence. Because it was written by the actual author everyone is 100% in character and the narrative voice is spot-on. Kudos!

The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy, Mackenzi Lee Ace/aro Felicity???? ACE/ARO FELICITY!!! TBH I only vaguely remembered the descriptions for this one, ie "this time it's lesbians," and I was reading this going "there is a suspicious lack of lesbians but so much platonic vibes and also…..maybe…..maybe…????" and like I got both lesbians AND ace/aro Felicity????? Lee wrote this book? As a gift? For me???? I cannot believe I was blessed with "not like other girls"!Felicity as a vehicle for calling out the internalized misogyny inherent in the Not Like Other Girls mindset, and it is glorious. You can like pretty dresses and running around doing science, or you can hate dresses and only love science, or you can only like pretty dresses, or you can like whatever the heck you want in whatever combo, doesn't matter you're still a girl you're still valid and this shit isn't mutually exclusive. Much as I don't wear makeup (I've slowly learned to wear dresses again) in real life, gosh I love Johanna for being like "I love dresses and I love science and what if I was a badass adventurer but also got to be rescued a lot" because that was bitty me. Gimme a princess dress and a sword and a bow and arrows but also a tower to be rescued from and then various adventures. I want it both ways! And that's okay!! Also this is a critique I have apparently wanted since at least 3rd grade, see this proof from my daily journal prompts, I apologize for my lack of attention to spelling and forming letters: "Girls are what ever girls are. Girls like different things so I con't judge them all. Some girls like barbies. Just becaus you my not like barbies dosn't mean those girls aren't girls, it means they like more things that hove barbies. I like nintendo and I'm a girl." Apparently I was a Not Like Other Girls who thought Other Girls were still extremely valid. (that's kind of hilarious though because like, child, you had Barbies and didn't hate Barbies, you are just bad at playing with dolls and props. You're also bad at playing Nintendo.) Other stuff specifically, hm, it was refreshing to not have "I am skinny and perfect and clearly ugly" or even "I am legitimately ugly." Instead we have, "You do realize my torso is a solid rectangle, it laughs at this corset which I guess we are going to put on anyway, also my football player shoulders are going to literally pop the sleeves off that dress" and "I am built like a corgi dog, this is simply a fact of my proportions." Like, Felicity definitely has Issues with her traditional femininity and lack thereof, but I feel like it was never specifically tied to "my body shape is ugly." Also to go back to this book being written for me personally. You know they always say to write things that only you could write, that are self-indulgent, write what you want to see? It's really hard to do without a template to follow. Right before I picked up this book I realized that maybe The Thing Only I Would Write would be saying "a Skadi-and-Njord marriage is in fact a valid happy ending," but I've never seen that before and I don't know what it would look like even if I kind of understand the concept. All the media I consume, if not ending in romantic soulmates, is at least found family. If you are a loner, if you like being alone, your happy ending is to get a manic-pixie-dream-anything (girl, grandson, grandma, dog, whathaveyou) and integrate back into being social. There are no happy endings where a loner stays alone, where you get married but live separately and see each other very rarely because you love them but can't stand to live with them and you need to be alone to exist as you. And Mackenzi Lee just up and wrote it. It's valid to want to live in a house by yourself filled with bookshelves and have friends. It's valid for a girl to marry another girl who is a pirate and sails around most of the time and only comes to visit on occasion so you don't get sick of her and you keep loving her. This is an okay thing for an ace/aro to want, and it's valid to be happy with this. I can't even, y'all. I'm still marveling. I finally have seen a picture of the life I know would make me happy, and it's finally been acknowledged that I can be happy. (The amount of time I've spent, knowing I hate being social, and wondering--how many years down the line, when I'm living alone and content, will the switch suddenly flip? How many bridges will I have left behind when it turns out that I actually feel loneliness, and I'm miserable and unable to make friends and it turns out there are no manic pixie dream whatevers in real life and I fucked myself over forever because I was wrong and I should have been maintaining these social ties now and turning into someone I'm sure I'm not? What if people like me, who don't really get lonely without people, don't actually exist??) Anyway representation matters. Also Felicity being blindsided with Callum's proposal was, wow, okay I should have caught on to ace!Felicity then because that was so very accurate to my life experience minus people cutting fingers off. Look I was quoting stuff at the end to a friend and she was like "maybe that's why there's aces on the cover" and I am a very stupid ace okay. Felicity and Johanna's intense queerplatonic friendship that they keep trying to take up again in among the same sort of "you need character growth" drama that Monty needed re: Percy is also just, chef kiss, god I love this book. I need to buy this book. I haven't yet so what I did is I renewed all the books so I could immediately reread them after I finished them the first time.

[moonlightkth]

Letters For Him || 01

❀ pairing: Jungkook x Reader ❀ genre: college!au ; probs angst and fluff idk tbh ❀ word count: a whooping 1.8k ❀ series summary: as a way to vent out your feelings, you write letters to your ex boyfriend, letters he should never read ❀ a/n: the reader contradicts herself a lot and thats because she doesnt know what she wants. hello i am still someone who doesn’t know how to properly do paragraphs while writing so sorry if i messed that up whoops someone help me. also if you have any questions about the fic you can leave it here :))  ❀ tagging: @evalocity (love you boo thank you so much for editing this)

masterlist | 00 | 01

Dear grade A+ asshole,

This girl would appreciate it if you would stop being so goddamn nice. How could you do something so terrible to the girl you supposedly were ‘in love with’ but be such a nice person to literally everyone on campus. You have always been a nice person and you have always been so caring. Sometimes I stop and wonder how you, one of the nicest person in the world, could do something so shity. Also, while I am asking you stop doing things, please stop being so damn talented. I hate walking around the hallways hearing about you.

“Did you see Jungkook practising in the dance studio. He is soooooo good at dancing!”

“Jungkook’s painting is on display in the school’s art gallery. Do you want to go check it out?”

“Jungkook scored the final touchdown of the football game last night. He is such a good football player our school is lucky to have him as our quarterback”

The thing is, I may have said that I do not like hearing about you in the hallways but, I kind of like constantly hearing about you. I like knowing what you are up to. We have not spoken since our breakup so this is the only way I know about your accomplishments. What I do not like however, is not hearing it from you. I miss having you walk into my apartment telling me about how well football practice went. I miss walking through the corridors with you while you tell me about the dance you were currently practising with your Hoseok-Hyung. I miss going to your dorm to sit down and study while you drew me. I miss hanging out with you. I miss being with you. I love and hate you at the same time. 

We used to be friends before we fell into shit. I would like to be friends with you again but I do not think I would be able to trust you. I find that funny. You used to be the one person in the world, other than Jimin, who I trusted with all my heart. I trusted you with my life. You just had to ruin it. The thing is, I know that it would not be hard for me to trust you again. You can come up to me and beg for forgiveness and I would probably forgive you in a heartbeat. That is not what I should do though. If that were to happen, which I highly doubt it will, I should walk away from you, although I do not think that I could do that. You are too irresistible. I know you. I have seen you at your best and at your worst. I know everything about you and I think that is the problem. You have been in my life for such a long time that I am probably always going to need you in it. You have always made me so happy. You still do. Somehow.

                                                                                                                 y/l/n y/f/n

Heartbreak is something many people do not wish to experience but it is also something people are bound to experience. It is terrible but it can happen to anybody at any time. You had hoped that it wouldn’t happen to you. You had thought that your relationship with Jeon Jungkook was perfect, but you were wrong. You had hoped it wouldn’t happen, but it did and now here you were, sitting at your favourite cafe - other than the one you worked at - writing a letter to your ex-boyfriend. 

Writing a letter to Jungkook was something your best friend Minhee had told you to do to try to get over your ex-boyfriend. She had told you that maybe if you wrote a letter to him about how you felt and never sent it, that it may help you get over him. However, writing these letters had become a slight obsession. One letter had quickly turned into three letters and now you had just found yourself finishing your sixth. 

The obsession with writing these letters started with the first one. After a few days of reading it over, you had realised that there’s still so much more you wanted to say and ended up writing a second one and then a third. When you had begun to write the fourth letter, you had decided to buy a notebook for these letters, instead of having them on loose pieces of paper scattered across your desk. You had rewritten the first three letters into the notebook and started the fourth before realizing that maybe you’re going to need to write way more than five letters to get over Jungkook. You try to keep your continuous letter writing a secret from Minhee though, worried that she may tell you that continuing to write these letters to Jungkook would expand your feelings for him instead of helping you get over him. She would be wrong, continuing to write these letters was helpful and working. At least you hoped it was.

You had been sitting in your anthropology class as your professor explained basic human nature to the entire class. 

There weren’t many people in this class, about fifty or more. And, since there weren’t many students, you had hoped to somehow turn invisible so Park Jimin wouldn’t see you and try talking to you. However, this was not the case. Ever since your breakup with Jungkook, Jimin would always try to speak to you before, after and during class. All of his efforts were ignored.

Although Jimin had been your friend even longer than Jungkook had, which is a really long time considering you’ve been friends with Jungkook since the third grade, you had started to ignore him after the breakup. You had been friends with Jimin before either of you knew that Jungkook existed but, when he came into both of your lives, Jimin and Jungkook ended up becoming best of friends, along with five other guys who they met in high school. Since you were so close to the both of them, their friends became yours and you especially became close with Namjoon, someone who also was in your anthropology class. Ignoring all of them after the breakup had been so hard, especially since one of them was a childhood friend but you had done what you felt was absolutely necessary. 

Although you missed each and every one of them, you couldn’t find yourself talking to any of them. 

They lost your trust when Jungkook did.

“Y/n wait up!” You heard a familiar voice call out to you as you started leaving the classroom. Hearing this voice caused you to pick up your pace, not wanting to talk to him. You did want to talk to though, you just knew that it would be best if you don’t. 

As you walked away, you did not hear him call for you again or his quick footsteps behind you trying to catch up with you so you decided to slow down and walk at a normal pace. This was a mistake since, as soon as you started slowing down, you felt a small hand grab your wrist which quickly made you turn over to look at its owner. You didn’t need to look to know who it was as it was already obvious. You had found yourself face to face with your childhood best friend Jimin with Namjoon standing beside him. 

“Please talk to us y/n. It’s been three months,” Jimin said to you with a begging look in his eyes. 

He missed you. He really did. You could see it in not only his eyes but Namjoon’s as well. 

You continued to stare at them as you thought it over in your head. If you forgave him and talked to him, the possibility of Jungkook trying to talk to you was probably very likely. 

You missed them all so much, you missed hanging out with all seven of them. 

Both Jimin and Namjoon had a hopeful look in their eyes. They both hoped that since you haven’t left yet that you just might forgive them and talk to them which was something they had wanted since they had realized that you were ignoring them. 

You were about to. 

You really were, until you saw Jungkook walking your way from behind their shoulders. You held your breath as soon as you saw him. 

He was not that far away and you knew that once he saw Namjoon and Jimin that he would probably walk over to them. 

You knew that that meant you had to leave. 

“I’m sorry,” you quickly and quietly said before you softly removed your wrist from Jimin’s grip and left before Jungkook could see you.

Jungkook saw you talking to them. 

He was about to go up to you guys and hopefully talk to you and gain your forgiveness. 

Jungkook knew that what he had done had ruined your relationship with him and the rest of the boys, he knew that it would since the beginning. He just thought, and hoped, that it would only take a while until you came knocking at their door ready for your weekly video game night. However, that never happened. 

After three weeks he had for sure thought that you would show up, or at least talk to one of them. 

He didn’t even need you to talk to him, he just wanted you to at least remain friends with everyone else. He obviously wanted you to forgive him and at least remain his friend, but he knew that hoping for that, was hoping for too much. 

Once he made it to his two best friends, they looked at him and realized that he was the reason why you had left them. Jungkook shyly looked down and frowned, knowing that whatever you were talking to them about, he had ruined it and made you leave. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized to his hyungs, still looking down at the floor, finding an interest in his timberlands. 

Jungkook felt one of them put a hand on his shoulder and pat it reassuringly. He looked up and saw that it was his Namjoon-hyung. Namjoon gave Jungkook a reassuring smile which made Jungkook feel slightly better, but only slightly. 

“She’ll come around one day. We just have to be patient.” Namjoon told Jungkook making Jimin nod in agreement. Namjoon always knew what to say to make Jungkook feel better. 

Jungkook hoped for the day that y/n would talk to all of them again, he just knew that it would probably take a long time and that he was too shy and awkward to make the first move. 

Jimin slung his arm over Jungkook’s and the three boys started to walk away, all thinking about the same person and about the same thing. 

They all missed you and wanted you back in their lives.