#also I love giving characters who have been through physical trauma scars. even if they can ostensibly be healed in STverse I just think- | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

maul-of-shame · 7 days ago

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Oh yeah, and one more thing! (Sorry, your perfect rant fuelled me.)

There's a blatant tendency to push Galadriel towards darkness and danger. Well, you know who went dark and feral in season 2?

Elrond.

It was Elrond who used a trebuchet to kill the orc that had hurt Galadriel and killed his horse, it was Elrond who sliced through many orcs as if they were made of room-temperature butter, and it was Elrond who killed orcs with his bare hands when he was surrounded by them. Elrond can go dark indeed, but his violence will never be turned against Galadriel. She will always be safe with him.

No probs, I'm on a roll too I'm so invested in this and this is fueling me too!! 🤣🤣🤣 Lemme put my big sister pants on for this cause there is a pep talk too LMAO X')) [TW: mentions of abuse, dark subjects]

Thank you, because you just touched on one of my biggest pet peeves!

There's this ridiculous push to paint Galadriel as this tragic hero who needs to be “saved” from herself or seduced by darkness, when in fact, she’s a warrior in her own right.

But, WITH THAT SAID, that doesn't mean that a strong, capable woman can’t also want a safe space where she can trust someone to protect her without it being some kind of “weakness” or “sexism.”

That’s the part they miss, right? That same push for Galadriel’s strength shouldn't be used as an excuse to deny her a safe place to heal, be loved, and feel protected by someone who genuinely cares for her well-being.

And let's be real here—Elrond can absolutely go dark.

We've seen him in action in season 2, and that scene where he uses that trebuchet to kill the orc who hurt Galadriel, who hurt HER, and slaughtered his own horse? When he went feral when the Orcs burned Celebrimbor's scrolls?

As kind as summer, yes, but also as destructive as this season. Idk where you peeps live, but in some regions, Summer is not kind.

It's anything but kind.

Between fires, flood, drought, heavy rain... It can be a lot and that's why I think this description fits him. Depending on the circumstances, you'll either get the warm, soft, breezy summer or the harsh, violent one.

This isn’t a character who can’t go dark—he already has. And it will happen again.

But what’s crucial here is that his violence isn’t going to be turned against her. He would never raise a hand to her, and if anything, that’s part of the trust and safety she can find in him.

Now, about this idea that a man protecting a woman is somehow inherently sexist? Some here really posted stuff like "wanting her to be with Elrond is sexist", "wanting her to be with him is destroying her/his character", "this is just shitty writing to have them fall in love in this cliché way"...

I’m sorry, but that’s absolute bullshit.

And, frankly, I know a lot of women who would give anything to feel safe with a man who can protect them, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally.

Some of these people have NO IDEA how many of us have gone through the absolute HELL that comes with surviving abuse, trauma, or even just the daily grind of living in a world that’s not designed for our safety or peace of mind.

The truth is, when you’ve been hurt, violated, or scarred, it’s not about needing someone to fight your battles for you—it’s about the comfort of knowing that there’s someone who will stand beside you when the world gets overwhelming.

Someone who wants to protect you because they care, because they value you, because they love you.

Someone who will be there, not to control or diminish you, but to support you, to hold you up when you feel like you can't stand anymore. And that’s what so many people fail to understand.

You don’t need someone to "save" you.

You just need someone who won’t let you drown in the tide of all the hurt and pain.

Someone who wants to protect you because they care, because they value you, because they love you—not because you’re weak, but because you’re worthy.

And I’ll say this: you’re not a soldier on the frontlines of some eternal battle. You’re a human being. You deserve to rest. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to have your heart and soul nurtured, to be able to let go of the weight for once, without constantly having to carry it all on your shoulders. It is NOT weak to wish to be cherished, to be loved, to have someone who sees all of your scars and doesn’t flinch, but instead says, “I’m here. I’ll be your strength when you need it, but I’ll never take away yours.”

It is NOT weak to wish for peace, to want a moment where you don’t have to fight to survive.

You are not your trauma.

You are not defined by every painful thing that has happened to you, and the love and safety you seek doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. You’ve already been strong enough to survive it all. You’ve fought so hard just to breathe, just to get through each day.

You deserve a space where you don’t have to keep fighting, a safe place where you can let the armor and shield drop, where you can finally be whole again.

You deserve someone who recognizes your strength and honors it, but also understands that everyone needs a safe place to rest, a sanctuary where your soul can heal.

So, no, wanting to be cherished, loved, and protected doesn’t make you fragile. It makes you someone worthy of true love. It makes you someone who knows that even after all you've been through, you deserve to be seen, heard, and held.

And that is not weakness.

That is strength beyond measure. It takes courage to allow yourself to be vulnerable, to let someone else in, and to trust that they’ll be there for you, no matter what. It is bravery to let go and accept that, yes, after everything, you can have the peace and safety you’ve longed for.

And if we don’t understand that, if we don’t believe in that, then what is all this pain and survival for? What is it for if not to give ourselves, and each other, the chance to find love in its purest form? A love that gives us peace, strength, and the freedom to rest. That’s what we all deserve. Not because we’re weak, but because we’re strong enough to admit that we need it, and we deserve it.

I’m so tired of this toxic idea that women need to constantly fend for themselves and prove their worth by fighting every battle on their own. They treat Galadriel like she's some sort of soldier that needs to constantly fight to prove her worth or be abused in any way, shape or form and this just disgust me so badly.

Some battles, sure, we’ve gotta fight alone. But in healthy relationships, there is strength in vulnerability.

There is power in knowing that someone has your back, that someone will fight by your side—and that includes being protected when you need it, too.

And honestly, toxic masculinity in the fandom can’t seem to wrap its head around this. They scream "strong women!" from the rooftops and then get offended when a character like Galadriel wants to lean into a relationship with someone who respects her strength and also wants to protect her from harm.

There is no shame in that.

In fact, it’s one of the purest forms of love. It's about care, trust, and a partnership that allows both people to be themselves, flaws and all.

Trusting someone to lean on them after months/years/decades of trauma is such a huge victory that should be celebrated and the fact some keyboard pseudo "feminist" warriors keep repeating the same damn song that "we should fight on our own/do not rely on people", that "relying on a man/significant other like this is weak" is on some high level of horseshit it's genuinely making my head hurt.

So, yeah. Elrond has gone dark. We’ve seen it. But that’s not a sign of weakness—it’s his way of protecting those he loves. And that includes Galadriel. It doesn’t mean she’s weak, and it sure as hell doesn’t make their relationship some outdated patriarchal nonsense.

It makes them a team, two people who balance each other out, who see each other for who they are, and who are strong enough to let the other be "weak" when necessary, without judgment. That is what makes them an incredible pair, and it’s not a disservice to her character—it enhances it.

I’m not about to apologize for wanting to see Galadriel happy, cherished, and safe. Some want her to be this emotionally tortured, constantly broken figure in need of suffering to grow? Fine. But for some of us, we’d like to see her with someone who can genuinely offer her love, safety, and respect, not throw her into the fire again.

Because trust me—after the hell she’s been through, she deserves it.

#elrondriel #galadriel #elrond x galadriel #galadriel x elrond #the rings of power

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lloydfrontera · 10 months ago

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The only reason people say Lloyd was maltreated is because OG Lloyd suffers from “Draco in Leather Pants”, where a character with major negative flaws has those flaws massively downplayed. Along with any evil actions or rude behaviour they committed ignored or retroactively justified as them being the actions of a “victim” who is lashing out, despite all evidence to the contrary. This mostly done so that the fandom can have a new “Woobie”, a character who makes you feel extremely sorry for them, to write angst about

On the other hand, Arcos suffers from “Ron the Death Eater” syndrome. Where fandom decides to take a good character who committed a few mistakes in the past, exaggerating that characters’s small negative flaws or mistakes to massive proportions. Or even assigning evil acts to the character that the character never committed. This way people can have convenient antagonist who hurt the “Woobie” in the past or continues to do so, thus making the “Woobie” the victim in the scenario.

These are all symptoms of people wanting to make more “Whump” fanfic. Whump fanfic is fanfic where a character undergoes various different forms physical and mental suffering. These insubstantial takes on the characters in order to create “Whump” completely ignore other avenues rife with potential “Whump”, ones that are even supported by the source material.

Such as Kim Suho constant struggles with the fact that even though he now has the life he always wanted, being free from debt, in a safe financial positions, and being surrounded by a loving family, he has to contend with the fact they aren’t’t his. He has to handle the guilt he feels when interacting with Arcos and Marbella due to the belief that they don’t know that he not there son. That he effectively stolen another person’s life, though through no fault of his own, and has now undeservedly gained that person’s parents.

Then there is Julian, who suffered plenty of abuse from his brother over the years growing up, both vocal and physical. As evidenced by the scar on his forehead that was caused by glass from a beer bottle his brother threw at him. There is also the physical and vocal abuse he suffered from other nobles at the academy before Kim Suho showed up and set everyone straight. Yet not nearly as many people seem to be interested in delving to how being on the receiving end of that kind of abuse for years would affect him

In short,

Reader: “I want Whump”

Actual Story: “We have Whump at home”

love the use of tropes in this ask, you're speaking my language now

and yeah, you're right, i just,,, i find it confusing. ofc everyone is allowed to do whatever they want, canon is a suggestion and all of that but like,, i don't know. i find it weird.

it almost feels like they're trying to justify og lloyd's abuse of julian by accusing arcos of bad parenting. but 1) they do it by exaggerating some genuine mistakes he made, 2) ignoring the context surrounding the situation and 3) just fucking lying about it????

not to mention, that even if arcos had been a genuinely bad father (which he was not), that would still not justify what og lloyd did to julian! negligence doesn't justify abuse! even if the fronteras hadn't given lloyd enough positive attention (which there isn't any evidence to assume this), that would still not justify og lloyd lashing out and constantly hurting the people around him, including his younger brother.

if people want whump, just like you said, there's plenty in canon already. lloyd, julian, and javier all have their own trauma to work through, some of it caused by og lloyd himself. heck if you want that very specific 'negligent and distant father' flavor of whump, sheherazade is right there. bk moon does a great job at giving us plenty of character with a lot of baggage and trauma, there's enough to pick and choose without needing to resort to headcanons that go directly against canon lmao

but again, i'm not fond of the whole 'you're only allowed to like a character while acknowledging every bad thing they've ever done' thing, because it's bullshit and also i love me some war criminals here and there, so do whatever you want forever i'm no one to say you can't do something lol

#hey i got an ask #Anonymous #tged #the greatest estate developer

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cosmo-watches-movies · 1 year ago

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Gallowglass (1993)

Triggerwarning: Suicide, Physical Abuse, Violence

Summary: Joe (Michael Sheen) was just released from a mental hospital but his foster parents wont take him back home. Desperate and having nowhere to go he attemps to commit suicide but is saved last minute by Sandor (Paul Rhys). Joe is now devoted to his saviour, who uses this to his advantage by further manipulating Joe up to the point where he aggrees to help kidnap a young woman.

Spoilers beyond this

Starting off with a punch in the gut (litterally)

Found this a bit uncomfortable to watch. Not necessarily because its bad, but because is portrays a very abusive relationship between Sandor and Joe. It’s proper fucked up, so that is kinda the point. Joe is almost obsessed with Sandor, constantly excusing his horrible behaviour and actions. You very much believe that Joe would do anything for him. It’s genuinely scary to watch.

Sandor saves Joe

After they successfully kidnap the young woman they where after it turns out Sandor isn’t after a ransom, but is in love with her and wants to free her from her (as he thinks) miserable life. She rejects him which he, after some drama, accepts. However Sandor ends up killing himself the same way Joe tried to earlier, by throwing himself in front of a train. And because he’s a total bastard he does it right in front of Joe. (poor guy can’t catch a break)

Throughout the series are short clips of Joe explaining the events in hindsight This shows a very different aspect of the character it’s almost jarring. But in a good way. You very much get the sense that this whole story scarred him even further, but he also seems more mature and reflected. In the end we see that he might be talking to a therapist (maybe even in a prison?) so I like to think that at some point in his life he manages to set himself free from that past trauma. “Tilly said Sandor was bananas, off the wall, after lunch…there seem to be a lot of words for mad. I told her never to say it. He wasn’t mad, he was just in pain…I know all about that, don’t I?” - fucking shivers down my spine The way he delivered that line, fucking genius. If you dont wanna watch the whole series, watch this one scene it’s so good. (it’s somewhat at the 44 minute mark of episode three)

The performances of the lead actors are way more convincing than I expected, it’s the most interesting part of the whole series imo. Joe starts off already broken and by the end he’s absolutely fucked up. He gets completely corrupted by his saviour to the point of kinda assuming his persona after Sandor died. Thats a pretty interesting dynamic and it left me feeling a bit icky afterwards.

I havent read the book but even with the great performances of the actors something about the story didnt quite capture me. Like the suspense was built up, but the payoff wasnt quite there. Maybe the stakes arent high enough? Idk something about the overall story couldve been pushed a bit more…

Anyway idk if this was Michaels very first time acting in front of a camera, but considering this was very early in his career he did an exeptionally good job. Michael has this way of completely disappearing in his characters its amazing to watch. And it blows my mind that he could do this so well already when he was just like 24 I think?

Joe calls the woman they intend to kidnap "the princess", after a story Sandor told him

His acting combined with Paul Rhys gives a very convincing dynamic. If it wasn’t for them this would’ve been an absolute bore.

Would I recommend watching this? Maybe, If you don’t have a problem going through a few unconfortable scenes and a overall mediocre story. If you absolutely want to see Michael play a very broken, fucked up young man, sure! There’s some good acting in it so at least it isnt boring. Just prepare for violence and some uncomfy stuff.

(Horrible Hair dye job, Sandor)

#movie review #michael sheen #gallowglass #cw #tw sui #tw sui talk #tw sui implied #filmography

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king-bee-sting · 2 years ago

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Hello fellow arven stan/simp, I have a question if you don’t mind. Does he have trauma or just mom/dad issues or both? Because the way the game goes over it makes it seem like yes it was a bad event, but he was able to grow as a person and find himself through it, along with making new friends, and from what !!VERY LITTLE!! I know about trauma (as someone whose experienced it) I think it’s an event or a response to an event that changes how you respond to other stuff/how you act, and I don’t think that happens with him. I could very well be wrong though! And I don’t want to come across as trying to invalidate trauma, or say characters can’t have trauma, I’m just genuinely curious/unsure and also really really want him to be okay. My apologies if this was long or weird or both! Have a great day/night!!

OH MY GOSH OKAY

Spoilers ahead, obviously, we're deep diving into an Arven character inspection

I definitely feel that Arven absolutely does have s0me trauma

However because Pokemon is considered and marketed as a children's game, it's glossed over and not all that obvious/explained, since even in these times talk of trauma is often taboo, especially in children's games

But for the older audiences who knows more about cause and effect, and mental health, it's easier to spot and think about

Arven absolutely has trauma, how could he not? He has what could possibly be abandonment issues and trauma from what's essentially neglect. It was said that his parent was more often than not unavailable emotionally and physically due to being very engrossed in their research, leaving Arven to basically grow up on his own, teaching himself how to cook and take care of Maschiff/Mabostiff. This is very possibly why Arven is very closed off in the beginning; he was never given a proper example of how to socialize and accept attention. And because of his parents lack of attention this could have caused him to have some resentment for others, especially those who do have active parents.

I wasn't necessarily neglected as a child but I was very lonely and didn't receive as much attention as my brother and sister did, and growing up I was very much jealous of those who had very attentive parents, so that's why I think Arven may think this way as well

And then moving into his relationship with Mabostiff, he's certainly got some trauma involving him. It was said that Mabostiff had gotten seriously injured in Area Zero, that's why Arven went on the quest for the Herba Mystica. Arven is canonically young, a teenager, so he must've been even younger when Mabostiff got injured. His best and only friend had gotten critically injured and crippled, there's no way that did not scar Arven.

There's certainly going to be unresolved trauma with Arven and his parent, after all he had been neglected and when he thought he was going to finally give them a piece of his mind, he finds out that they had actually died and the current professor is nothing more than an AI. One who tells him his parent did certainly love him and would be very proud of who he's grown into. One who look and sounds just like his and gone into Paradise Protection Protocol. Even if it's a children's game, it's obvious that the PPP was made to eliminate any threat to the research. And I don't think I have to explain what eliminate means in this situation.

But a thing that I find super interesting is that in SV, Arven does indeed work through it and finds support and stability through the friends he's made. Even going through the effort to forgive and rebuild a more positive relationship with Koraidon/Miraidon as the titan storyline progresses. And after the main storyline, Arven goes on a personal quest to learn more about himself and where he came from, even wanting to learn more about his mom/dad.

To put it simply; yes, Arven has both trauma and mommy/daddy issues. He certainly will of course have issues dealing with it in the future, trauma like that isn't a one-and-done issue, but he's handling it amazingly well and of course he has you there to help support him through it :)

#mod elio #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon arven

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kira-the-whump-enthusiast · 2 years ago

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I posted 2,911 times in 2022

That's 2,911 more posts than 2021!

149 posts created (5%)

2,762 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@whumpsday

@whumpwillow

@whump-queen

@oddsconvert

@emcscared-whumps

I tagged 2,217 of my posts in 2022

Only 24% of my posts had no tags

#whump - 1,372 posts

#whump prompts - 576 posts

#whump writing - 343 posts

#whump art - 180 posts

#villain whump - 156 posts

#kira talks - 148 posts

#whumper turned whumpee - 98 posts

#saving for later - 97 posts

#vampire whump - 92 posts

#oc isaac - 70 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and telling someone that they should be locked up in a mental hospital is horribly insenstive to everyone that is in one or has been in one

My Top Posts in 2022:

me, who doesn’t know shit about committing crimes: yeah, I’m gonna write a story about a bunch of people who commit crimes and get away with it all the time

80 notes - Posted November 6, 2022

Whumper who plans where to inflict every scar and bruise on Whumpee’s body. They sprinkle extra blood on Whumpee’s wounds. They restrain Whumpee in an awkward position that puts all their injuries on display.

And they tell Whumpee, “You, my dear, are my most beautiful creation.”

88 notes - Posted April 12, 2022

I’ve been sorta obsessed with the phrase “You’re not going to die” in a whump context lately. Like, it’s so versatile. So good in so many situations.

Maybe a caretaker is saying it to comfort a scared whumpee. Maybe it’s whumpee’s last words to caretaker before giving themself up to whumper for caretaker’s sake. Maybe it’s said by whumpee to whumper once the tables have turned, to inform whumper that whumpee’s revenge is going to be very long and very painful. And there’s probably so many other contexts that I haven’t even thought about too. I’d go crazy for all of them.

208 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

There’s something so appealing to me about captivity whump, to the point that I pretty much put it in all my whump stories. And I think it’s cuz there’s something so soul-crushing about the monotony of captivity and repeated pain. And the fact that the whumpee often can’t escape it easily at all. Maybe they never will. (At least, that’s an possibility in the character’s head.)

It’s a horrible cycle that they’re trapped in, and no matter how much they want to escape it, no matter how much they actually try, every day they wake up in the same place and the same situation.

And god it’s just chef’s kiss. Definitely one of my favorite ways to break a fictional character: hurt them over and over again and chip away at all the hope until there’s nothing left, except the parts you want <2

220 notes - Posted October 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

As much as I love whumpees with permanent scars,,, I also really love the idea of a whumpee that doesn’t have any scars.

- Like a whumpee who didn’t get physically hurt, or a whumpee who has fast healing that got rid of any scars.

- Does anyone believe what they went through when they don’t have the physical scars to show for it? Maybe even caretaker believes that they’re lying or exaggerating.

- Can whumpee even convince themself that they went through it? Do they wonder whether it was all just a vivid dream or their imagination? But it felt so real… and they have the trauma to prove it.

- Does whumpee try to pretend nothing ever happened? Go back to their old life or start a new one and try to return to normal life? Their friends and family might notice something’s changed in whumpee, but they won’t talk about what happened.

Well. I might have to write something like this.

374 notes - Posted July 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #I hate like all my top posts lol #mostly cuz they keep getting notes. and eventually I get tired of seeing them in my notifs

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suncatchr · 1 year ago

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Which character has been through the most design changes?

Probably Koda and Maeja, just because they're the characters I've had the longest! A lot of the time my characters will have an original design I just throw down and then I'll redesign them around a year later when I have a clearer image of them in my head, but I'm just never satisfied with these designs. Probably cause I don't want them to stand out too much, they're supposed to be numbers in a system and that's why I design them with uniforms now as well. But I like that Koda has a design indicative of his backstory and that Mae gives I'm not like other girls because it contradicts their personalities: Koda doesn't want evidence of his life on him and Mae wants to be like other girls.

Their designs thus have gone through just a lot of little tweaks for the sake of making them look like both normal people and anime girls. Both of them got darker skin and curlier hair than their original designs just to get that out of the way #pocficationbeam.

Koda's hair didn't always cover his eyes, it's a visual metaphor for blissful ignorance now. It fully covers his eyes as a child, one eye through high school, and once they've found their home, it covers neither. His outfit has changed a hundred times, I liked the wide neck sweater because it looked scholarly but with a scar on his neck, a turtleneck both dulls down that main character energy by hiding it and fits him better because he wouldn't show it off. I've also changed the number of scars on his face and the placement, he didn't always have them on his face but I liked that he couldn't hide them. The knife wound was always there, but the burn scar used to be just a regular burn for realism. I changed it to a lichtenberg figure because even though those don't scar, it suits him to have the shape of his more visible scar be indicative of his power, the trauma he can talk about.

Mae's outfit was the core of my issues w her, the black hoodie was far too simplistic and pairing it w skinny jeans just wasn't. like emo enough. the blue shirt and black leather jacket has been in the mix for a while because the dark colours suit her and the leather jacket represents an outer layer of her personality, but it just doesn't always seem right? I feel like she wouldn't want to put all of that on, again it also makes her stand out beside Noah and Koda who both wear colour. So her fit is even still up in the air but I want to give her a dress. Her hair is another thing that gave me trouble, I certainly think she'd want it to obscure her face and that's what her first pass was like, but she also needs to have her eyes visible from a design standpoint bc she controls souls, and she does this by connecting with people either physically or emotionally. She can't connect w people w her eyes obscured, so her hair is pulled back sloppily bc I feel like she wouldn't care to make it neat. The newest additions to her design again make her stand out as a main character but are symbolic: the flowers in her hair. They were given to her by Noah and Koda to cheer her up and represent her ability to leave her past behind and grow anew. Koda gave her bluebells (gratitude and love, i imagine this is the nicest thing he's ever done for her) and Noah, not knowing anything about plant symbolism, gives her some nearby dandelions (represent regrowth and strength, two things she's struggling to achieve).

#MY CRINKLY SCRUMBLOS #TY #oc ask

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lorenfangor · 3 years ago

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I heard that #40 was super homophobic :/ so I skipped it. But now your fic is making me want to give it a try. How problematic is it? Are the characters worth it?

Okay.

Let’s talk about #40.

The plot of The Other (a Marco POV) is that Marco sees an Andalite on a video tape sent in to some Unsolved Mysteries-esque TV show, and he assumes it’s Ax and hauls ass to save him from being captured. Ax, being Ax, has videotaped the show, and they pull it up and Tobias uses his hawk eyes to figure out that it’s not Ax, it’s another Andalite - one without a tailblade. Ax is appalled at the presence of this vecol (an Andalite word for a disabled person) and we find out that he and others of his species have deep ingrained prejudices against at least some kinds of disabled people.

Despite this, Marco and Ax go looking for the Andalite in question because he’s been spotted by national TV, and they meet a second one, named Gafinilan-Estrif-Valad. The vecol is Mertil-Iscar-Elmand, a former fighter pilot with a reputation and Gafinilan’s coded-gay life partner. The two of them have been on Earth since book 1; they crashed their fighters on the planet and have been trapped there thanks to the GalaxyTree going down. Gafinilan has adopted a human cover, a physics professor, and they’ve been living in secret ever since.

Thanks to that tape, Mertil has been captured by Visser Three, and he’s not morph-capable so he can’t escape. Gafinilan wants to trade the leader of the “Andalite Bandits” to the Yeerks to get his boyfriend back; he can’t fight to free Mertil because he’s terminally ill with a genetic disorder that will eventually kill him, and (it’s implied that) the Yeerks aren’t interested in disabled hosts, even disabled Andalite ones. Despite Ax’s ableism, the Animorphs agree to work with Gafinilan and free Mertil, and they’re successful. Marco ends the book talking about how there are all kinds of prejudices you’ll have to face and boxes that people will put you in, and you can’t necessarily escape them even if they’re reductive and inaccurate, but you can still live your life with pride.

So now that I’ve explained the plot, I’m gonna come out the gate saying that I love this book. I love it wholeheartedly, I love Marco’s narration, I love Ax having to deal with Andalite society’s ableism, I love these characters, and as a disabled lesbian I don’t find these disabled gays to be inherently Bad Rep.

that’s of course just my opinion and it doesn’t overshadow other issues that people might have? but at the same time, I don’t like the seemingly-common narrative that this book is all bad all the time, and I want to offer up a different read.To that end, I’m going to go point by point through some of the criticisms and common complaints that I’ve seen across the fandom over the years.

“Mertil and Gafinilan were put on a bus after one appearance because they were gay!”

this is one I’m going to have to disagree with hardcore. I talked about this yesterday, but in Animorphs there are a lot of characters or ideas that only get introduced once or twice and then get written off or dropped - in order off the top of my head, #11 (the Amazon trip), #16 (Fenestre and his cannibalism), #17 (the oatmeal), #18 (the hint of Yeerks doing genetic experiments in the hospital basement), #24/#39/#42 (the Helmacrons’ ability to detect morphing tech), #25 (the Venber), #28 (experiments with limiting brain function through drugs), #34 (the Hork-Bajir homeworld being retaken, the Ixcila procedure), #36 (the Nartec), #41 (Jake’s Bad Future Dream), and #44 (the Aboriginal people Cassie meets in Australia) all feature things that either seem to exist just for the sake of having a particular trope explored Animorphs-style or to feature an idea for One Single Book.

This is a series that’s episodic and has a very limited overall story arc because of how children’s literature in the 90s was structured - these books are closer to The Saddle Club, Sweet Valley High, Animal Ark, or The Baby-Sitters’ Club than they are to Harry Potter or A Series of Unfortunate Events. Mertil and Gafinilan don’t get to be in more than one book because they’re not established in the main cast or the supporting cast, I don’t think that it’s solely got anything to do with their being gay.

“Gafinilan has AIDS, this is a book about AIDS, and that’s homophobic!”

Okay, this is… hard. First, yes, Gafinilan does have a terminal illness. Yes, Gafinilan is gay. No, Soola’s Disease is not AIDS.

I have two responses to this, and I’ll attack them in order of their occurrence in my thought. First, there’s coded AIDS diseases all over genre fiction, especially genre fiction from that era, because the AIDS epidemic made a massive impact on public life and fundamentally changed both how the public perceived illness and queerness and how queer people themselves experienced it. I was too young to live through it, but my dad’s college roommate was out, and my dad himself has a lot of friends who he just ceases to talk about if the conversation gets past 1986 or so - this was devastating and it got examined in art for more reasons than “gay people all have AIDS”, and I dislike the implication that the only reason it could ever appear was as a tired stereotype or a message that Being Queer Means Death. Gafinilan is kind, fond of flowers, and fond of children - he’s multifaceted, and he’s got a terminal illness. Those kinds of people really exist, and they aren’t Bad Rep.

Second off, Soola’s Disease? Really isn’t AIDS. It’s a congenital genetic illness that develops over time, cannot be transmitted, and does not carry a serious stigma the way AIDS did. Gafinilan also has access to a cure - he could become a nothlit and no longer be afflicted by it, even if it’s considered somewhat dishonorable to go nothlit to escape that way. That’s not AIDS, and in fact at no point in my read and rereads did I assume that his having a terminal illness was supposed to be a commentary on homosexuality until I found out that other people were assuming it.

“Mertil losing his tail means he’s lost his masculinity, and that’s bad because he’s gay! That’s homophobic!”

so this is another one I’ve gotta hardcore disagree with, because while Mertil is one of two Very Obviously Queer Characters, he’s not the only character who loses something fundamental about himself, or even loses access to sexual and/or romantic capability in ways he was familiar with.

Tobias and Arbron both get ripped out of their ordinary normal lives by going nothlit in bad situations, and while they both wind up finding fulfillment and freedom despite that, it’s still traumatic, even more for Arbron I’d say than for Tobias. And on a psychological level, none of the main cast is left unmarked or free of trauma or free of deep change thanks to the bad things that have happened to them - they’re no less fundamentally altered than Mertil, even if it’s mental rather than physical. And yes, tail loss is equated with castration or emasculation, but that doesn’t automatically mean Mertil suffering it is tied to his homosexuality and therefore the takeaway we’re intended to have is “Being gay is tragic and makes you less of a man”. This is a series where bad shit happens to everyone, and enduring losses that take away things central to one’s self-conception or identity or body is just part of the story.

Also, frankly? Plenty of IRL disabled people have to grapple with a loss of sexual function, and again, they’re not Bad Rep just because they’re messy.

“Andalite society is confusingly written in this book, and the disability aspects are clearly just a coverup for the gay stuff!”

Andalite society is canonically sexist, a bit exceptionalist and prejudiced in their own favor, and pretty contradictory and often challenged internally on its own norms. In essence, it’s a pretty ordinary society, and they’re really realistic as sci-fi races go. It makes sense from that perspective that Andalites would tolerate scarring or a lost stalk eye or a lost skull eye, but not tolerate serious injuries that significantly impact your perceived quality of life. Ableism is like that - it’s not one-size-fits-all. I look at Ax’s reactions and I see a lot of my own family and friends’ behaviors - this vibes with my understanding of prejudice, you know?

“Mertil and Gafinilan have a tragic ending, which means the story is saying that being gay dooms you to tragedy!”

Mertil and Gafinilan have the best possible ending that they could ask for? They are victims of the war, they are suffering because of the war, they get the same cocktail of trauma and damage that every other soldier gets. But unlike Jake and Tobias and Marco, unlike Elfangor, unlike Aximili? Their ending comes in peace, in their own home. Gafinilan isn’t dying alone, he’s got the love of his life with him. Mertil isn’t going to be as isolated anymore, he’s got Marco for a friend. Animorphs is a tragedy, it’s not a happy story, it’s not something that guarantees a beautiful sunshine-and-roses ending for everyone, and I love tragedy, and so I will fight for this story. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it deserved better. But it’s not less meaningful just because it’s sad. Nobody is entitled to anything in this book, and it’s just as true for these two as it is for anyone else.

“It’s not cool that the only canonically gay characters in this series don’t get to be happy and trauma-free and unblemished Good Rep!”

This is one I can kind of understand, and I’ll give some ground to it, because it is sucky. The only thing I’ll say is that I stand by my argument that nothing that happens to Mertil and Gafinilan is unusual compared to what happens to the rest of the cast, and that their ending is way happier than Rachel and Tobias’s, or Jake and Cassie’s. But it’s a legitimate point of frustration, and the one argument I’ll say I agree has validity.

(Though, I also want to point out that I think there are plenty of equally queercoded characters in the story who aren’t Mertil and Gafinilan - Tobias, Rachel, Cassie, and Marco all get at least one or two moments that signal to me that they’re potentially LGBT+, not to mention Mr. Tidwell and Illim in #29 and their long-term domestic partnership. There’s no reason to assume that the only queer people here are those two aliens when Marco’s descriptions of Jake exist.)

“Marco uses slurs and reduces Gafinilan’s whole identity to his illness!”

Technically, yes, this is true, except putting it that way strips the whole passage of its context. Marco is discussing the boxes society puts you into, the ones you don’t have a choice about facing or escaping. He’s talking about negative stereotypes and reductive generalizations, he’s referring to them as bad things that you get inflicted upon you by an outside world or by friends who don’t know the whole story or the real you. The slurs he uses are real slurs that get thrown at people still, and they’re not okay, and the point is that they’re not okay but assholes are going to call you by them anyway. He ends by saying “you just have to learn to live with it”, and since this is coming from a fifteen-year-old Latino kid who we know is picked on by bullies for all sorts of reasons and who faces racism and homophobia? He knows what he’s talking about. He’s bitter about what’s been said and done, he’s not stating it like it’s a good thing.

Yes, absolutely, this speech is a product of its time, but it’s a product of its time that speaks of defiance and says “We aren’t what we’re said to be,” and in the year this was published? That’s a good message.

tl;dr The Other is good, actually, and Mertil and Gafinilan are incredible characters who deserve all the love they could possibly get.

#animorphs #animorphs meta #mertil/gafinilan #mertil #gafinilan #mertil-iscar-elmand #gafinilan-estrif-valad

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magellanicclouds · 3 years ago

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Spartan II and III: Thoughts on Scarring

After reading this post made by @ladywolvesbayne answering an ask regarding Spartan facial scarring, every still-functioning center of my brain lit up like a switchboard and I was driven on pure instinct to write this. I kind of love discussing this topic, and as someone who likes to draw many scars on Spartan faces, I’ll offer that I tend to give S-IIs and S-IIIs heavier facial scarring for several reasons and considerations. ‘ U ‘

Fair warning: just beneath the cut is a long post with lots of lore discussion regarding augmentation, armor usage and some brief history, as well as plenty of my own extrapolations and personal ideas on the subjects! (If only my fics could come to me as shockingly easy as this did!) I definitely got carried away in laying out all my thoughts for this, but I do have very many of these thoughts, and this post had me quite excited. ; U ;

(tw: for mentions of grievous injury, scarring, and some medical discussion.)

For the S-IIs, I think it’s very easy to forget that even after they were given MJOLNIR, the Gen IV they were wearing didn’t have any energy shielding until around the last couple years of the Covenant War. Shields are so ubiquitous and commonplace in the Halo landscape that I think that detail always goes forgotten. It’s wild really, knowing the S-IIs spent over two and a half decades with no insurance policy, running high-risk engagements against overwhelming Covenant forces who fought with weapons and tech the UNSC just wasn’t prepared to defend against. The continuous injuries they were suffering were more or less handwaved in the long run though, since the alternative without MJOLNIR at all would have been death, augmentations be damned.

Stepping backward from the war, like @ladywolvesbayne mentioned, the S-IIs have been surrounded by physical stress and combat in one form or another since they were 6 years old, and were routinely getting hurt during their training days. Following that, they spent several years in the field running ultra classified missions wearing what was basically a hardened techsuit. Spartans were the secret weapons used by ONI for making big plays during conflicts with the Insurrectionists, and these slimmed down hardsuits offered them more silence and concealment than they did physical protection. In the short Fall of Reach film adaptation, we see that these suits are easily penetrated by small arms fire, when John takes a bullet defending Sam.

I also like to use character’s canon injuries as a base, and work alongside those to figure out where I’ll add additional scarring if it feels appropriate to me. Fred’s large scar over his scalp is pretty characteristic to him, though it’s from an unknown incident. Whatever caused it though was significant enough to open the tissue to such a degree that even decades later the scarring remains wide and ragged. That suggests that the front and side of his head was pretty dramatically opened at some point, and not at all cleanly; possibly the result of extreme blunt force trauma at velocity, or partially explosive ballistic damage. Speaking of awful head wounds (and plenty of those run in the Blue Team family), Linda is likely sporting immediately visible evidence of head trauma from the events of Reach Station Gamma, where her skull was penetrated by plasma fire punching though the backside of her helmet and boiling away tissue. The injury landed her in a state of clinical death that she endured in cryo-suspension until her recovery after the events of Installation 04 (Halo CE). Beside my own imaginings, John has some notable scars that I like to include - from the place at the back of his neck where a Flood infection form had tried to assimilate him, to the childhood scar on his chin. Most else I tend to either add from my memories of his experiences through the books, or just what I feel like is fitting for all the insane misadventure that man has found himself in. Kelly has suffered some significant injuries that are detailed in the books, though nothing too specific to her face that I can recall (certainly plenty to her limbs - often her arms - and chest). Who knows, maybe this is actually a credit to the Hermes helmet she favours! Causing more incoming fire to glance or splash away, and to give her a more forgiving intrusion space between her face and the faceshield itself.

With regard to the S-IIIs, they’ve had less service time than IIs of course, but when you consider the brutality and desperation of the missions they’re deployed to (or were being prepared to handle) it’s almost inevitable that - if they survive - they will be coming home with plenty of horrible wounds to scar over. Unfortunately, not many survive. When you consider Operations like PROMETHEUS and TORPEDO, with their near total fatality rates, it seems almost petty to worry about the physical scars more than the mental ones. Though I have no doubts the physical wounds were many.

Gamma Company S-IIIs weren’t subjected to the Covenant War, but they did suffer the Onyx Conflict, with most members of the Company ranging between the ages of around 9-12. None of them had ever experienced true live combat before then, and their lack of experience funneled into many severe injuries and losses. Though again, it bears repeating, that the trauma they endured most significantly was once again mental; effectually losing yet another family and home.

Gammas are also the only Company of S-IIIs to receive the illicit mutagenic neural augs, identified as: 009762-OO. This mutagen created organic changes to the Gammas’ frontal lobes, allowing them continued combat function through the biological effects of hypovolemic shock after grievous injury, or potentially triggered by rapid and overstimulated adrenaline (Possibly all other forms of shock as well, but I think they’d be less likely to face them). Worse yet, in this state the Gammas display hugely increased strength and endurance metrics, since they’re in no way restricted by pain responses or the damaging strains of their own bodies - they’ll snap their own bones and not stop. The hyper-aggression they experience during these “blood rages” is basically blind, leaving them even more vulnerable while they make no meaningful attempt to defend or protect themselves. Death is the common outcome. If the opposition doesn’t kill them first, the raging S-III typically faces multi-system organ failure and/or excessive volume blood loss. The survivors however, wouldn’t come away clean, and probably wouldn’t know how they’d suffered until mentally stabilizing.

Another factor for heavy scarring on surviving S-IIIs could be related to their use of SPI armor, instead of MJOLNIR. SPI is not outfitted with energy shielding, nor does it provide any of the physical enhancements offered with MJOLNIR - it’s not equipped with the same motorized joint system, and not operated in tandem with neural connectivity; so no amplified strength, speed, or reaction time. They’re running on their own ability. This is because SPI isn’t intended for extended use, but for short term ‘shock’ assaults that rely heavily on maintaining the element of surprise. In Ghosts of Onyx, Ash gets quietly reprimanded by Kurt for taking his helmet off for a brief moment in a conflict zone. Nylund reminds the reader of how ragged Ash looks in the moment, he’s coated and dripping in sweat and worn to the bone. SPI just doesn’t have the same durable livability that MJOLNIR does, and this leads to exhausting it’s wearer more quickly, dehydrating them and leading to reduced reaction times or poor awareness - all vectors for increased risk of injury. So what on earth is the benefit of SPI at all? Well, it’s still more durable than ODST gear, and they still have a liquid nanocrystal ballistic layer to absorb some impact, but it’s main draw is it’s lightness and covert capability. SPI has a rather advanced camouflage system of photoreactive panels to render the wearer nearly invisible. Long story (inside of a long story) short: the use of SPI wasn’t helping these kids to avoid cuts and bruises and the scars that would inevitably follow. In the current timeline, it’s noted that the remaining in-service IIIs have been transitioned to MJOLNIR GEN2, except for the Ferrets, who still use SPI.

Funny enough, the scarring I don’t tend to bring too much attention to when I draw S-II or IIIs are their surgical scars, despite that they’re numerous. For the S-IIIs, they underwent mostly similar surgical augmentation, though some procedures were eliminated for redundancy, and they’d receive more chemical and genetic alteration overall. Their surgical augs were also far improved in safety and success of integration than those given to the IIs, thanks to general improvements in tech and the (blood soaked) research gained from the successes and failures of the S-IIs. These improvements could have very well lent themselves to accelerated healing and reduce visibility of surgical scarring.

For the S-IIs, I tend to not draw these surgical scars into my lineart because they’re incredibly old, and surgical scarring tends to be much more clean and precise, so they heal much less visibly. Also, not to gloss over the fact that we’re discussing complex medical procedures some 500 years in the future, in a universe that exists in an era of medical prominence that has eradicated cancer from the modern social memory, and made things like fully-integrated cybernetic prosthesis a reality. Standardized surgical tenants in our modern era already include pretty general methods of preventing long-term presence of scarring, so seeing improvements to that post year 2500 doesn’t seem that far-fetched to me. Add to that the S-IIs improved overall healing, their bodies being maintained at performance standard, and simply time itself - it’s been over 30 years - and you’ve got scarring that, in most places, is probably not terribly visible on a casual glance.

Granted, what was done to them was still extensive, even by their era standards, and was all wildly experimental. I’d think it would be reasonable to assume that anyone who gets close enough and takes any meaningful time to view the S-IIs bodies more intimately would be able to see the actual magnitude of scarring well enough. Specifically in places where a lot of tissue was displaced or manipulated, like the thighs and trunk (chest and back), and in places that required several repeating incisions, like the hands and feet. That said, I don’t colour my work too often and I’d only be inclined to include evidence of surgical scarring by using faded lineless colour to show it. So take that as you will. I do however personally enjoy seeing people draw these scars onto Spartans though! It’s really a humbling reminder of the horrors these people endured at the hands of their own. Not to mention the social cost. It’s a wonder in and of itself that so many IIs display such an enduringly polite, patient, considerate, and gentle nature. Something so frequently juxtaposed to their large and brutally scarred appearances, and oft overlooked as the majority continue to view them as machinery or monsters or idols. = n =

Back on topic! - Probably the most repeatable theme in my work, is that I like to add scarring to eyebrows and lips. I tend to focus on these parts of the face because the skin is very thin in these places, and also difficult to heal without leaving visible reminders. Scarring over eyebrows inhibits regeneration of hair follicles, and trauma to the vermilion of the lips, with how delicately they transition into the flesh of the face and the constant movement of the mouth, can cause fresh tissue damage to continually expand in ‘runs’ into the face (like tears in stockings) until the primary lacerations are sutured and resultant fissures are allowed to fully seal. No matter how well fitted or advanced a helmet is, with the kind of forces Spartans are routinely subjected to, they’re going to be taking damage to their heads and faces; these are usually concussive (blunt or explosive), crushing, or intrusion forces. The thinnest parts of the face are just bound and determined to suffer first - eyebrows, cheekbones, lips, nose bridges, chins, ears, and temples. Recurrent damage to these places would make healing difficult too, though not all wounds would wind up scarring.

Lastly (thanks for hanging in there! ; U ;), I honestly just like to add scarring that I think “makes sense”. Everything written above sort of creates the sum total of my considerations when I’m designing my own sort of personal versions of how I see the characters: development, years of service, equipment use, noted experiences, canon details as a foundation, time, and weighing the averages. Anything beyond that, well…sometimes it’s just a design element I liked! In the end, everyone has their own sort of ‘visions’ of what each character looks like and I think that’s one of the most beautiful aspects of a well-loved series! When people display such a closeness and affection to the characters, enough to have these personal interpretations of them, that’s a kind of love that I think is very special and meaningful to experience! Nobody should ever feel compelled or bullied into adhering strictly to the canon, or to anyone else’s personal interpretations. That said, I think its totally fine to adopt another person’s interpretations because it’s similar to what you see yourself, or because maybe you just like it! It’s never a bad idea to let them know you think so too! I’m sure plenty of people would enjoy hearing it! ‘ w ‘ The canon is fun to discuss and learn and play in - it drew us all here in the first place. But, at the end of the day, it’s just the scaffolding for the many other stories we want to tell and create. ‘ U ‘

#halo #lore #spartan II #spartan III #tw: scarring #tw: medical discussion #tw: mentions of grievous injury #long post #thunder rumbles through the clouds

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99point9percentwhump · 2 years ago

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I can't believe you posted CI5 whump... I've become totally obsessed. Especially the episode 'discovered in a graveyard'. Also, although there's some great whump in the last episode of season 1, I feel pretty weird about enjoying whump from an episode which is discussing racism in such a vivd and open way. It's amazing that they were discussing this stuff in the 1970s, even if the episode never got aired. How do you feel about it?

Also, I was wondering if you've seen any Inspector George Gently whump, seeing as Martin Shaw gets whumped in that a few times too. Seems like the kinda thing you would enjoy

Ahhhhhh Profs CI5 is my fav I've never been so hooked on a series myself!

I love Insp George Gently 110% funny enough I saw that before Profs CI5 and didnt know for a while why Doyle/Martin Shaw seemed so familiar lol OK I have no problem discussing it my opinion isn't always popular or appreciated but I'm more than willing to give it :)

Ep spoilers and topic discussion ��

Firstly Klansmen ep is one of the best for whump isnt it?! not many have the boys both whumped and separated unable to help the other!

Secondly in relation to the topic, is it a very heavy ep, oh yeah.

Should you feel weird liking it?

I don't think so at all, this series pulls no punches when getting into topics esp topics that were new for the time including but not limited to: drug addiction (new drugs where on the streets like heroin), prostitution (the various victims and abusers/users), alcoholism, metal illness, homosexuality/gay (not having been legal for long) etc, they show it in as much a reality as a TV show can, it's not pretty it's not clean and it's hard to watch as it should be, so why wouldn't they show racism in the same way

If they'd made it a soft ep it wouldn't carry the same weight as the ep does in my opinion.

Like all topics you get to see a lot of character stress/trauma and even growth which I think is a big part of it as well particularly with Bodie in that ep, if you watch the series everyone knows he has no issues with Blacks but scars from his SAS and mercenary days sometimes show through and I feel this ep helps move passed that a bit as well he goes from using terms that Cowley and Doyle disapprove of to being saved by the Black Doctor and Nurses who deal with his fever induced ramblings and in the conclusion you see Bodie walk away a better person.

I also really felt the way the Doctor and nurse were handled was perfect no matter what he said in his delirium they did what they could to save him and you got to see her face when it started but she never stopped doing her job caring for him. Also in that ep you get the different POV of the locals effected by the baddies attacks you see the fear, physical harm, and death inflicted which is another important point they show its not just looked out from an outsider.

Then in the finale the plot twist showing a man selling out his own ppl funding a hate group for the gains the housing they take over brings.

Never to leave out Doyle ofc his role in this ep while on his own nearly the whole time showed his experience having worked in the rougher parts of the city pre-CI5 how he has a better understanding of the inner city and how he built trust in those days shines through in his interactions with the kid saving him then busting the whole setup.

To try and sum it up I think it is one of the most important eps to watch it happened at the "perfect" time in the series you know the boys enough not to judge reactions in the same way while also witnessing a redemption story of Bodie and then move on to the rest of the series.

Sorry for the long winded talk if I didnt cover or explain something right please feel free to drop in my inbox :)

#Ask #Answer #the professionals ci5 #CI5

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life-rewritten · 4 years ago

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TRUE BEAUTY; TRUE SCARS VS FALSE MASKS

I'm actually surprised I have a new Korean drama to fall for before the end of the year. After testing out what's available, True Beauty feels like the one for me. I was going to watch it regardless of if it made me analyse because it's directed by Extraordinary You PD. I love how he shows the plot of his shows, his romances are always soft yet angsty, and they make you feel so many emotions whilst laughing and smiling and perhaps swooning over certain second leads and protagonists. After Start-Up I swore of love triangles, and yet True Beauty comes with just that, yet I'm having so much fun watching this show for the past 3 weeks, and it's been a ride. It's precisely what the title says it's focused on True Beauty. The actual meaning of beauty and perspectives on what is truly beautiful and what's not, the psychological trauma of being someone perceived as not socially pleasing to the world, and being forced to hide to survive the harsh environment. It's an emotional look into another teenage drama, full of angst, romance, self-love, and self-acceptance. I'm enjoying it a lot, and my heart has been tugged at each episode, so I'm not saying True Beauty is my full focus, but I have spoken about it here, and from episode 5 and 6, I somehow have a lot to say. So let's get into it

True Scars vs False Masks

True Beauty episode 5 and 6 focus on the effect of PTSD and trauma symptoms which each of our main characters have to go through. Apart from Seojun, who has his own frustrations and pains connected to the overarching plot, but not as pronounced as these three.

Kyung, Suho and Soojin are triggered by certain parts of their memories, making them afraid, broken down, and self-hating. The first thing to mention when focusing on Kyung's ideology of true beauty. Kyung may think that being seen as beautiful is the only way to make her self survive her own past traumas, but the two perceived beautiful people who are praised and known for having everything by their peers, are just as scared, suffering and hurt by the world as she is. All by the cruelty and insensitiveness of different people in their lives.

Ju Kyung: The mask of Beauty

Kyung is forced to relieve yet again her trauma as a bully victim when she bumps into the girl. The very bully that caused her to finally break down and wear her mask for protection. One thing to notice in episode 5/6 as she takes care of Seojuns sister; she realised that wearing a mask isn't the right way to live comfortably and she questions why she can't have the same confidence and inspiration in her self to be brave. Which is what people would quickly want to say about her situation, just love your self, only trust your self, just be your self. Still, as we've seen from the past episodes, the reason is that when her mask is uncovered, and she's her true self, her past comes to find her and the people who cruelly lowered her down to nothing before their eyes, who proceeded to hurt and abuse her because of how she looks. The girl who likes to emotionally have control over Kyung's self-esteem like a leash she can't escape from, people like her that can't stand to see Kyung be happy with her skin, is why it's even more painful when Suho tells her that he's doing all he does for her as pity it's heart-breaking. It makes her feel even more inferior because she's being a burden to the guy, she's come to have feelings for, and it's still because of her looks in a way. Because he's the first person who knows her real face under her mask of makeup.

It’s not just the bullies that do this to her, that make her feel so ashamed and guilty for wanting to just be her self. People who she’s close to, her ex best friend betrayed her because of this issue, (to avoid being bullied) and her mother is harsh and cruel beyond words, always breaking her self esteem, ignoring her child’s plight when she could actually be of help to her, and mocking her every time just cause she isn’t smart. Her mother proceeds to not understand the real trauma in her daughter’s life, not even knowing or taking it seriously that there was a time where Kyung almost gave up everything and took her life, just because of how exhausted she was by what society was making her think about her true self.

When Suho said that I was so agitated and disappointed. When cruel and forced to wear his own mask of coldness, Suho can be harsh and ruthless. However, it still felt problematic to me because he knows how sensitive Kyung is about her looks, how much she suffered because of it, he's the one who saw her almost choose to take her own life because of it and he's also seen her try desperate attempts to avoid it. To cruelly say it's because of pity that he's been doing all he did by her side and she's being a bother; it's upsetting and just annoying. I'm annoyed that he still refuses to communicate with her properly about it, tell her it's not because of pity and she's not a problem.

To come to her house/ accept her mother's invitation and act like he's not told her she's a burden is just upsetting and it's exhausting because she doesn't want to keep on feeling like she owes him because he's hiding her secret about her looks. It's also sad because you realise that it must have broken her heart more because when she felt she had someone on her team who saw her without her mask and chose to be there for her, help her and understand her, this same person threw her away saying she was a weight to him. When she finally felt she was able to be herself and like her self without her mask, she deserved to be free without making up, especially his last words to her before he switched himself off, was that she was beautiful without makeup. That one quote, that one stance, and one act of support for her meant everything. Yet her one source of defence and her foundation to bounce back from her worries and fears rejected her and told her she wasn't important; her presence was upsetting him.

Again Kyung is forced to think that what she needs to do to survive is to be beautiful to wear her mask; it's the only way she will be accepted. That's what Suho harsh words did to her, and despite that, she still ran to him to be his defence and protection. They both do the same thing for each other; if you notice Suho protects her always when she's at her worst broken down and without her mask of beauty. Suho is protected by her finding him and literally shielding him with her warmth and comfort letting him know he's not alone and he's understood.

Suho: The mask of Coldness

Before I focus on their dynamic though back to masks and scars. The reason why Kyung runs to Suho is where the plot for his PTSD symptoms comes in. Suho without the act is also broken, guilty and tired of people refusing to listen to him. His issue is that whilst people see his richness and privileges as a positive for him, they're his source of guilt and pain. His mask is to push people off and not expect or trust things with people, because of this he's seen as the guy who's unreachable in a good way, attractive and has it all and everyone wants his attention and needs to beg for it. His mask works for him, so he doesn't seem vulnerable, and he doesn't let people easily break him.

But we know he's exceptionally vulnerable because of the guilt of Seyeon having symptoms of PTSD, panic attacks, broken and self-hating. The cruelness of the world isn't attacking him like Kyung, but it's using him as a tool to hurt others well that's what he believes anyway. His dad is powerful and intense and leads to people feeling broken as Seyeon, and they take drastic measures to end it. The school praises him and lets him get away with stuff if he gets in a scuffle but they hurt others more harshly just by looking at their background and status, they did this to Seojun when they got in a fight in episode 4.

No matter what happened, Suho has never been able to get away from the price that came with his reputation and status. It cost him so much at the end it made him lose his closest friend, and it made him lose himself to the guilt of not being able to be the person everyone wanted him to be for not being able to reach that 'divine'' Suho reputation people give him.

For him, being with him hurts people, and so he pushes Kyung away harshly and wears a mask of coldness and harshness to prevent people wanting or expecting things from him and to make sure he wallows in his guilt alone. Without his mask, Suho is just a boy lost, frightened and traumatised. He's broken by what's happened, and with Kyung not only does she help him, but she also does when they first meet.

She unintentionally provides him with a way to speak out his feelings and save her the way he couldn't do to his friend, but also she's there for him even during times she shouldn't be; she runs and finds him, she lets him cry and breakdown, and she understands him with a few words. She knows what it's like to be afraid and broken, and she knows why it's like to feel like no one understands your pain.

Both she and Suho understand each other because they've been hurt and exhausted each time something from the past comes to remind them of the guilt of being who they are and wallowing in self-hate and disgust. It's so heartbreaking, but they both run to each other time and time again at their most needed moment.

Soo Jin: The mask of Strength

Someone else with the same issues that also proves to Kyung that the beauty she craves/ the reputation to be seen as having it all isn't great; is Soo Jin. Whilst on the surface she’s incredible, she’s powerful, fights for everyone, protects Kyung like a knight in shining armour, is protective of all her friends, uses her strengths to help others, and ensure people aren’t looked down on, or broken down.

Soo-Jin is also put into the same situation as Kyung and Suho, she's also broken down mentally, physically and emotionally. She's had her self esteem be destroyed repeatedly; for never getting to the top except she is always on top. She's the girl who has everything, like Suho her mask is the girl who has everything sorted, she's kind but harsh to the right people, she's protective because she doesn't like bullies and cruelty. She's intelligent and also beautiful naturally as Kyung puts it.

Still, her mask of strength is unveiled when you realise she's forced to put up with a bigger bully her own father, he's cruel, abusive and degrades her by physical violence. It's heart-breaking. To have the control, she repeatedly tries to wash her hands clean to the point they're raw and dry when she stressed and terrified. When she's broken and scared, she tries to restart again, washes her hands clean and starts again making her self anew, making her mind anew, and becoming stronger.

Her washing her hands mindlessly is the only time we see her without her mask, and no one can see her scars on the apparent parts they're hidden on her hands dry and cracked and easily misunderstood as dryness or mistake. Easily the part of the body that's not noticed at first.

Cruelty, Scars and Trauma

That's the thing with scars in this show and PTSD. Kyung's mask covers up the acne scars that people have hurt her because of. Yet now those scars are actively hidden under her makeup and guise of beauty, she has those external scars but also mental scars about how she looks she's been forced to a mindset where seeing her self in the mirror automatically gives her shivers, makes her terrified and go into self-hating phase. She's been forced to hide who she truly is because that was taken away from her by bullies because of her looks.' it just sucks and hurts.

Suho's mask covers his internal scars and burdens placed on him, you won't think he's broken or hurting from his past because his mask of coldness which makes everyone think he uses the status and reputation for his strength instead of loathing it. Suho's internal scars have made him become someone who's closed off, distrustful and harsh sometimes and no one understands it, they take it the wrong way, staying away from him. For example Seojun it's Suho's mask that made him think Suho was despicable and felt guiltless when in reality every single word SeoJun said to Suho about wanting him to never be happy until after he dies, about making sure he never has a good time because of Seoyeon just drives deeper with that self-hate. Disgust, Suho has for himself; it's like Seojun keeps repeatedly stabbing his wounds all over again. When he appears the issues increase even more if you've noticed, Suho's symptoms of PTSD increased because Seojun had started to actively make him go back to feeling guilty and remind him of the choice he made to push people away. Seojun playing a role in this is so upsetting, and it's made it hard for me to like his character as much as I did before.

The masks may cover up their scars in their minds and to others, but it won't make them free the way they want to be. These characters break my heart and have been through so much.

I'm loving this show. I think it gets better and more painful each episode, but it has the light moments, it touches your heart, and it makes you smile and cry so much. The romance between Suho and Kyung is also precious despite certain pauses in their growth because of their masks and miscommunications. However, the fact that they're each other's refuge to be free without their masks, to breath and to see each other the way others can't it's beautiful. Seojun's feelings for Kyung are also growing. I'm torn because I like his moments so much but thinking about emotional torment and pain he causes Suho, especially in these episodes isn't my cup of tea. Kyung sees him as a sibling right now, and I wonder if that's all she's ever goanna accept him as I actually want him and Soojin to be together at the end and Soojin is slowly getting into her role of second lead for Suho. I hope they don't use her hurt as a way to make her a villain. That's be sick if she breaks down because Suho likes Kyung not her like no let's avoid this storyline.

#true beauty #true beauty kdrama #kdrama #cha eunwoo #moon ga young #lee suho #im jukyung #cwg #december #han seojun

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bittermuire · 4 years ago

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A (long) analysis of Azriel,

+ a bit of discussion about Gwynriel vs. Elriel at the end.

Lately I’ve seen much discussion surrounding Azriel, and there seems to be a lot of hazy gray area. We know he has a terrible past, carries a lot of trauma, is both mentally and physically scarred, and has disturbingly possessive habits. But why? That’s the question.

I think most of Azriel’s character can be filtered into three sections: his anger, his possessiveness, and his self-loathing. Altogether I believe these form his crippling sense of emotional immaturity, which ultimately shines through most every action he makes in the books.

So yes, I firmly believe Az is a child in the body of a 500 year old Fae. But is he treated as such? No. No, he is not. In fact, he’s treated as the exact opposite, and that can’t be doing wonders for his mental health (which is already in shambles. Off to a cheery start.)

Let’s take a look at his past. He was both mentally and physically abused for the majority of his childhood. Then he was thrown into an unforgiving culture that both mentally and physically abused him as well. Then he was essentially bullied by Cassian and Rhysand for quite a while... until they randomly decided to like him, which is a choice he didn’t seem to play a hand in. And then he became a professional torturer. All the while falling madly in love and becoming obsessed with a female who can’t love him back. Not to mention he’s been ostracized his entire life.

(One big thing though, that I’m going to reference frequently, is Azriel’s constant chase of “happiness.” Kind of like my friends with ADHD. We squeeze all the serotonin we can get out of one thing and then fall into a listless, depressed haze until we find another. I honestly think Azriel does the same thing with people--he latches onto them and lets his mood swings rely on how much attention they do or do not pay him, and whether it is positive or negative.)

So I’m going to go through his relationships with pivotal characters and try to explain what I think is really going on with Azriel.

Regarding Mor:

He was obsessed with her for most of his life. He was incredibly possessive of her and fell instantly in love upon seeing her. Do I think it was love? No. But does Azriel think it was love? Yes, and that is so important. It shows how desperate he was for human connection.

This “love” spiraled into centuries-long obsession that we’ve all seen play out throughout the series. But why is it obsession, and not love? Well, I’m going to go ahead and say that Azriel doesn’t know how to love. He’s never been shown genuine love and so he doesn’t know how to show it to others in the way he intends. He’s basically a baby.

But right after he falls head over heels, Mor sleeps with Cassian, and then Cassian plays the role of the buffer between the two of them all the way up until the events of ACOSF. This is where I think Azriel’s anger comes into play. He can’t get to Mor. His best friend, his brother, is blocking him from her. He can’t touch her, love her, feel her, and he’s so desperate to. But he literally has no way to communicate it because he doesn’t know how, and so he responds in the one way he’s able: anger. And jealousy. And intense protectiveness that eventually begins to translate as possessiveness.

Again, he lets his happiness rely on Mor because he can’t make himself happy, and so his lack of emotional maturity ends up revealing him as desperate and unable to communicate his feelings of inadequacy and frustration. I’m not trying to justify his behavior, not at all. But I think this could be a decent explanation.

Regarding Cassian and Rhysand:

I mean... I kind of hate the way these two have treated Azriel. They all have their fair share of trauma, but Cassian and Rhys also bullied him and ostracized him, and then basically said, “Oh, we like you now.” Which completely leaves Azriel in the dark as to where he stands with them, and strips him of awareness regarding how his friendships with them will operate.

And then he becomes the head of espionage for the Night Court, which involves lots and lots of torture. What kind of message does that send? You’ve seen dirty things, Az, so you don’t mind doing the rest of the dirty things for us, right? That’s the only real message I can get from this. Which then plants the message in Azriel’s head of: Not only do I do dirty things, I myself am a dirty, disgusting thing. Thus, furthering his already deep-seated sense of self-loathing.

Plus, the IC generally operates with a pack-like mindset. One person’s method of healing is everyone’s method of healing. It worked for one person, so it worked for everyone. It’s a very naive mindset, and very toxic as well, so it’s not surprising that literally everyone in the IC is colossally messed up despite preaching themselves as having overcome their demons.

So Azriel never really gets to understand himself and mature as a person. He’s stuck pretending to be perfectly fine underneath Rhysand’s oh-so-benevolent and compassionate hand. Rhysand and Cassian recognize Az as being a little... odd, by seeming to think things like “he’s the quiet one” and “he��s the serious, scary one.” But do they attempt to understand him? No. They leave him to his own devices and let him figure it out himself.

That’s the issue. He’s not ever going to figure it out himself, so long as he’s surrounded by the people who’ve been unwittingly suffocating him for most of his life.

Regarding Elain:

Azriel’s infatuation with Elain, in my opinion, comes as a direct result of his detachment from Mor. Just like one hyperfixation fades quickly from an all-consuming thing to a passing thought, Azriel has shifted from one obsession to the next, in order to keep his spirits on a high.

But I think his feelings for Elain reveal a lot of what Mor did not. Why does he view Elain as so holy compared to him? Why is he so hesitant to touch her? Why does he put her on such a pedestal? That’s his self-loathing coming through again. He hates himself so much that he has to place her above him.

He wants to touch her and love her, just as he did with Mor, but again he is unable. It's a repeating pattern that he can’t get himself out of.

Let’s also look at the way Elain and Azriel’s friendship/relationship began. He had to take care of her, and treat her with utmost respect. She looked at his scars or his siphons, both monstrous looking things, and called them beautiful. Let’s remember that he’s basically a child who’s rarely known genuine love. The minute he gets a glimpse of it, he’s going to grab it by the neck and crush it to his chest. Plus, the fact that she’s the last sister left unattached and he’s the last brother left unattached is probably even more convincing for him that he and Elain are meant for each other. When he’s denied this love that’s come nearly close enough to grab, he responds in the only way he’s able: anger. And jealousy. Just like he did with Mor.

But moving on, that glimpse of potential love comes from Elain. That’s why he’s able to let go of Mor; a relationship with Elain suddenly becomes possible. He’s terrified of ruining this potential love and is incredibly drawn to her all the same. Best of all? She wants him too.

BUT. Azriel knows how fragile Elain is, so he walks on glass around her, coddling her, putting her first like he’s put everyone else first since being a part of the IC. I think he wants to save her from becoming like him. He essentially plays the role of her white knight, entirely losing his sense of self-preservation (not that he ever had one), and thus loses any chance of letting Elain help him mature in return.

Regarding Gwyn:

Now, Gwyn is a different story.

We know Azriel likes her. Maybe not in a consciously romantic way, but he likes her. She makes him smile and laugh, and he finds her amusing. He doesn’t have to walk on eggshells around her.

The big thing, I think, is that he doesn’t have to take care of her. At least, I think that’s what makes him so comfortable around her. With Gwyn, he can relax, and he doesn’t have to watch every move he makes. She treats him like a regular person and he treats her similarly.

Now, is it a bad thing that he doesn’t put her on a saint-like pedestal like he does Elain? No. Definitely not. I think this ordinary friendship signals a much healthier relationship than his festering obsession with Elain. Gwyn simply being his friend and not someone that he feels he has to be perfect for is a good foundation for Azriel growing as a person.

Gwynriel vs. Elriel (the necklace):

Honestly, I’m scared for whatever SJM decides to do, because Azriel has a shitload of trauma to move past and years worth of emotional growth needed before he can be a steady partner in a relationship. Both Gwyn and Elain’s character arcs are definitely not finished and so I think that no matter which way his narrative goes, it’s going to be disappointing in some aspect or another, unfortunately. I don’t think that either one of the females’ arcs really fit well with Azriel’s.

But I’m going to take a closer look at the necklace, because I think it’s a telling narrative point.

For Azriel, the necklace for Elain and Gwyn herself, are both “thing[s] of secret, lovely beauty” to him.

By describing the necklace for Elain as such (instead of Elain herself), Azriel unconsciously reveals his more idealistic view of Elain rather than his love for Elain herself. I kind of get the sense of Azriel giving offerings to a goddess, or something like that. He seems to be more preoccupied with appeasing Elain than actually loving her.

Now, this probably comes from, again, his self-loathing and his emotional immaturity. I’m just repeating myself at this point. He doesn’t know how to love himself and he doesn’t know how to love anyone else.

But then he describes Gwyn as such. Gwyn, the person. In my opinion, this demonstrates a potentially much healthier relationship than what he has with Elain. Azriel, instead of wanting to be perfect for Gwyn and wanting to appease her, is simply made happy by the thought of her. It is Gwyn whom he is taken with, not the idea of Gwyn loving him. And so that takes off so much pressure for him, and introduces the hope that he might be able to mature as a person in a friendship or romantic relationship with Gwyn.

Closing thoughts:

Azriel is a blundering, hormonal child desperate for love with no idea of how to get it, in a 500 year old Fae’s body. He’s also surrounded by people who refuse to address his clear issues... his future’s pretty dim, and I think he realizes it. Which is why whoever SJM chooses to be his romantic interest is going to be very important.

In short, I’m scared for what’s to come. But fingers crossed that his incredibly complex character is done justice.

#azriel #acotar #character analysis #gwynriel #kind of anti elriel #but open to interpretation

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hms-tardimpala · 2 years ago

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I love Cobra Kai, it's my Cringey Bad Show With Moments Of Brillance™.

(long-ass gushing/rant and spoilers ahead)

Cobra Kai requires constant suspension of disbelief, it doesn't have the best pacing, half the humor is horrendous, the character writing is often stupid as shit, it's such a dumb show!

It also has insanely satisfying setup-payoffs, good dramatic irony, it's at its funniest when it's self-aware and laughing of itself, which it does gladly, and it goes to the trouble of giving you gray characters who go through multi-seasons arcs to better themselves (or the opposite). It's such a fun show!

And very importantly in today's media landscape, it pulls off being the necromantic resurrection of a beloved 80s franchise. It could easily have kept the black-and-white naive, squeaky-clean tone of the Karate Kid movies, but it said "Fuck it" from the first episode. It respects its KK roots but expands on them, adds depth and layers it didn't have to. Does it always do it well? Hell no. But seriously, this show didn't need to make that effort. With its premise, it had no right to be that good.

Obviously the show leans heavily on nostalgia, but it manages not to be a total nostalgia fest and brings some interesting things to the table.

Now, having just finished S5 (a lame season, but which had moments that made me cheer and curse out loud), I want to say how much I love how dark CK can get.

Like, it starts easy. A bullied kid, some teenagers slugging it karate-style at a school dance, a tournament to tell who's the winner. Then the brawls get less and less funny. There's slut-shaming. More kids get involved, more get hurt. A teenager gets his spine broken in his high school staircase. This is more the real world than KK, so you've got kids going to juvie for their actions, others who are scarred and traumatized for life.

Then the show goes further. Adults are involved in this now. They beat each other up directly and by proxy through children. There's breaking and entering, destruction of homes, arson. An adult sexually harasses a teenage girl in a precarious living situation. Vietnam veterans' trauma and domestic violence get discussed. There's physical and psychological abuse and manipulation left and right, between adults, between teens, from adults to kids. A grown man destroys another's hard-earned mental health because he feels lonely. There's assault and attempted murder. Kids breaking each other's bones in public settings.

And season 5! The violence keeps escalating. It's the only language some of these kids know by now. And the adults who taught them are just as traumatized and wrapped up in it and they can't stop either. There's arson again, people's lives are getting ruined by what started as a petty rivalry. A teenager is forced to injure herself to prove her loyalty by a group of adults who won't let her leave. A man teaches a child a karate strike that can break a ribcage and suffocate an oponent, and the only reason it doesn't happen is the child in question isn't strong enough yet, but he tries. You've got a sword fight and a man left to bleed out in a pool. A group of four men trying to beat one to death because they've been ordered to. A guy gets his finger cut off. Constant child endangerement and serious injuries that are ignored, and the psychological toll of all that isn't even acknowledged by the characters most of the time.

And of course all ends well, wounds heal and nobody dies, and it's not even gory, but still, it gave me the chills. As someone who enjoys on-screen violence immensely, it's very rare that I wish said violence would stop. That show is unbelievable, ridiculously over-dramatic, cheesy, and also too fucking real sometimes. Like a guy who's always laughing and making jokes, and one day he has too many drinks and lets slip something that reveals how much trauma he's suppressing.

I love this show and these characters. Out of this huge ensemble cast, there's only one character I haven't changed my mind on from the beginning and gone from hating or loving them to the opposite. (and it has great ships for all tastes!!)

Anyway, season 5 was awfully bad. And I enjoyed it. I'm done talking about the karate soap opera on this tumblr for a while, I think.

#cobra kai #cobra kai season 5 spoilers #karate kid

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herinsectreflection · 4 years ago

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Faith, Buffy, Dreams, and Secret Kisses

This is one of my favourite scenes in the series. Partially because it’s just my personal jam - I admit that I am Fuffy trash, and I have a real love for dream sequences. Buffy had great dream sequences, but this is where they take a step up. It’s a precursor to Restless in this regard and others. It feels weighty and meaningful, but also a little off and incongruent with itself, in that way that only dreams are. Lines are exchanged that don’t quite follow as direct responses to each other, clashing in interesting ways. It’s packed with foreshadowing, metaphor, and other juicy things. And beyond that, it’s a conclusion to Buffy’s entire arc this season about dealing with her shadow self, and it leads to what I think is the single most romantic moment in the series. I want to talk about this scene and unpack some of what I think it’s saying.

First of all, let’s talk about the setting. We’re in Faith’s apartment, bought for her by the Mayor. Essentially, the villain’s lair, where the two Big Bads plotted their evil plans against our hero. But it’s also a set where we saw most of the bonding and semi-familial love between Faith and the Mayor. A place of both evil and love. And for Buffy, a place of trauma. This is where she makes the decision and takes the action to kill another human. I don’t think she was unjustified in doing so, but it’s still an immensely traumatic act for her, and I think she loses a little part of herself when she does it. The location is very much a reflection of Faith, and Buffy’s relationship to her. I don’t think Buffy loves Faith romantically at this point, but I think she cares about her, and remains concerned about her, and I think it’s fair to call that a kind of love. Faith is also evil, a figure of betrayal but also temptation to the “dark side”. And she is also a figure of trauma, clear deep-seated trauma that she fails to resolve, and just gets worse over the course of the season. Buffy is essentially inside her own relationship to Faith, inside a stadium of sin, trauma, love, and shattered glass. Faith looks out of the broken window that they fought through, and we are reminded that their relationship too is broken, unrepaired, littered with the detritus of conflict. There’s no going back from this - even in dreams that window remains broken, and their relationship will always have this damage.

The props too are an interesting choice. TPN’s video on Graduation Day pointed out the painting of a giant snake with a man’s head on the wall. More conflicting feelings here - the Mayor is Faith’s closest connection to humanity and love right now, and also the reason for her betrayal of Buffy. Her redemption and damnation. We also see boxes of various things piled up - including the crossbow that Faith stole in Bad Girls. The image of packing up a room into boxes makes me think of moving away as a student. We must remember that Buffy is graduating today, on the verge of packing her life away and taking it somewhere else, and this reminds us of that.

The first thing of real substance we see is the cat, which jumps up on Faith’s bed. This is one of the aspects of this dream in direct conversation with Restless, where a cat symbolises the Slayer - a specifically feminine, solitary predator that stalks the night. In Restless, we cut to Miss Kitty stalking the camera from shots of the First slayer stalking Willow. Here though, the intercut images are between the cat and Faith, lying bruised and helpless in a hospital. The cat (and the Slayer) is, as far as Buffy is concerned, not a danger but a creature in need of help.

Buffy: "Who's going to look after him?" Faith: "It's a she. And aren't these things supposed to take care of themselves?"

They’re very clearly talking about their respective approaches to slaying, and to life in general. Buffy tries to encourage ties to humanity, telling Faith back in Revelations that she is on Faith’s side. Faith retorts that she alone is on her side, and she repeats that sentiment here. But Buffy is obviously proved right - Faith is lying almost dead because she rejected all help and care.

Buffy: "A higher power guiding us?" Faith: "I'm pretty sure that's not what I meant."

If the cat is the Slayer in this conversation, then the “higher power guiding us” could refer to the Watchers. It makes sense that Buffy delivers this line with a little wry smile, given that she’s just resigned herself from the Council. This allows a little bit of ambiguity in their debate - Buffy has taken on a little bit of Faith’s advice in emancipating herself and so making herself as the Slayer more self-reliant. The show agrees that that too is the right move. A little independence is good and healthy. What Faith means when she talks about “taking care of herself” is not self-reliance or independence, but emotional hardness and self-marooning to avoid hurt. This is something that Buffy will continue to struggle with for the rest of the series. Faith is kind of right when she states that the Slayer is alone and must take care of herself, and it’s up to Buffy to find a healthy way of dealing with that.

"Oh yeah. Miles to go - Little Miss Muffet counting down from 7-3-0.”

The scene shifts a little, and we get some foreshadowing for Dawn (Little Miss Muffet), and for Buffy’s death (730 days from now). This is done with the the lighting too, as Faith faces the camera, and the light of the dawn hits her face, in a shot extremely similar to the end of The Gift.

Interestingly, Faith is repeatedly used in this way. In This Year’s Girl, Faith talks about “little sis coming” as she and Buffy make the bed in her first dream. In Restless, that scene gets a callback (”Faith and I just made that bed”), in a scene that ends with the most anvilicious foreshadowing (”Be back before dawn”), as well as a callback to the 7-3-0 line (”Oh, that clock’s all wrong”). In Graduation Day, Faith refers to Buffy as being “dressed up in big sister’s clothes”, however to me Faith has always felt more as being the “little sister” in this relationship. She looks up to Buffy yet is also deeply jealous of her. She wants to be Buffy, to have her friends, her life, the love of her mother. She’s kind of a precursor to Dawn in this respect, so it makes sense that she’s a prophet for her coming.

Slayers having prophetic dreams is well-established, so it makes sense that a dream shared by two slayers would allow them to prophesise a little further ahead in time. Faith hints at this, remarking "Sorry, it's my head. A lot of new stuff.". You have to wonder what other “new stuff” Faith is becoming aware of. Perhaps a new perspective on everything Buffy’s been saying all season. Sharing a mind temporarily is often helpful in seeing another’s point of view. Faith does seem unusually thoughtful as she looks out of the broken window and remarks "They are never going to fix this, are they?".

This is perhaps my favourite line in the scene. It’s a slight mislead, as it comes right as we get a flash of the cat-as-Faith in the foreground. So we assume it’s a reference to her own injuries, which she is expected to never recover from.

But the Faith that’s talking isn’t looking at her own body. She’s looking at the broken window. The symbol for her broken relationship with Buffy. She has become us, the audience, looking at Buffy and Faith and saying “boy, those crazy kids really are never going to work it out, are they?”. It’s true for Faith, it’s true for Faith&Buffy, and it’s true for Buffy herself. When that knife entered Faith’s gut, all three were irrevocably changed forever. You can never put back the life you had before after it’s broken like that. All you can do is take what you can work with, and try to make something new.

Buffy: "What about you?" Faith: "Scar tissue. It fades. It all fades." Buffy confirms that the previous line was not about Faith specifically by asking “what about you”, in a lovely expression of concern. After everything, Buffy does still care about Faith. Faith’s reply of “scar tissue” is an obvious reference to the literal wound she is now carrying (emphasised by the shot of the knife that Buffy sees afterwards), but it’s interesting that she gestures to her face when she says this. It feels like a reference to her entire self. If we accept Faith as Buffy’s shadow self, then “scar tissue” is an accurate description of her. As Buffy herself says, Faith is who she could be if her life was worse (or, perhaps, who she would be if she allowed the tragedies of her life to rule her). She is the part of Buffy’s unconscious self that is revealed after receiving violence. She is the physical proof of trauma. The self that remains after pain.

Buffy: “Is this your mind or mine?” Again, hitting that note of symbiosis; emphasising how inextricably tied these two characters are. The lines between their psyches are blurred to the point of no longer existing. This is such an intimate moment, almost sexual, with Buffy and Faith unable to tell where their own mind ends and another begins. Imagine the intimacy of that - entering another’s mental space and allowing them into yours, so wholly that they become one and the same. It becomes a mutual recognition of unity and shared pain, and an affirmation of the eternal divisions between them.

I love the ambiguity of the “human weakness” line too. One way we are invited to read it is that Faith is doing a heel-face turn, and intentionally giving Buffy the means to defeat the Mayor. But we’re not allowed anything that easy, to wash away Faith’s sins with a quick redemption before the climax. Faith has miles to go before she can achieve that. It’s just as likely that Faith is talking about herself, and the human weakness that led her down a dark path, or that Buffy is talking about Faith through the Faith in her head, or Buffy is just working it out on her own, etc, etc. This is the information that saves the world, and I like that it remains an unknown. A permanent “maybe”, just as Buffy and Faith’s relationship is.

Buffy: "How are you going to fit all this stuff?" Faith: "Not gonna. It's yours." Buffy: "I can't use all of this!" Faith: "Just take what you need. You're ready?"

As the scene reaches its climax, we see the most obvious recitation of the season’s themes. S3 is about Buffy coming into conflict with her own shadow self, and here the show tells us how she does that - by taking what she needs. I mentioned earlier that we saw the crossbow from Bad Girls, from the “want/take/have” scene. Here, Faith is telling her the same thing, but in a more healthy way. She cannot just hedonistically consume everything like a crazed id-monster, but she also cannot deny herself things that she needs.

Most importantly, the “stuff” they are referring to is Faith’s, but as Faith says, it’s also Buffy’s. Everything that Faith is, Buffy is too, because she is her shadow self. Buffy must recognise this, accept it, and incorporate the shadow self into her own identity. She cannot be consumed by the shadow self and simply become Faith, allowing her shadow to consume her conscious personality (”how are you going to fit all this stuff?”). Instead she must recognise her dark mirror, and take the healthy parts, and integrate them into herself as an individual (”take what you need”).

It is at this point of healing and merging between Buffy’s self and shadow self that Faith reaches out, almost touches her in an action that feels so tender, and Buffy becomes conscious. She literally becomes her conscious self by making peace with her dream (unconscious self). She stands up, and walks over to Faith’s bed. This is the moment that their relationship all season has been leading to. She leans over, and places a kiss on her forehead.

This kiss is everything. It’s an act of thanks, as Buffy realises Faith may have given her what she needs to save the day (at the cost of Faith’s one familial figure). It is an act of service, as Buffy literally gives Faith the kiss she asked for when they started to fight in Graduation Day. It could also be an act of forgiveness. We know from I Only Have Eyes For You that forgiveness, Buffy learns, is done not because somebody deserves it, but because they need it. Faith at this point probably does not deserve it, does not want forgiveness (she wants to be punished), nor can she recognise it in her current state, but Buffy gives it anyway, adding another layer of heartbreak. It is given not for any purpose, but for its own sake.

Above all though, this is an act of recognition. We must consider the previous forehead-kiss that these two shared, back in Enemies, and Faith’s words directly before: “What are you gonna do, B, kill me? You become me. You're not ready for that, yet.” And in Graduation Day, just after Buffy stabs her: “You did it. You killed me.” And her words in the dream, just a few seconds ago: “You're ready?"

Now I don’t think that Buffy stabbing Faith to save Angel is morally equivalent to Faith voluntarily killing people to help an evil guy become a big snake. I don’t think the show wants us to think that either. But the line is firmly blurred. Angel says in Consequences that the act of taking a life will change Faith irrevocably, and Faith agrees. She sees herself as tainted from that point on, and if Buffy took her life, she would be tainted too. And though it’s understandable and morally defensible, there’s no doubt that a part of Buffy - her innocence - dies on that balcony when she sticks that knife in. That act is forever. The choice to do violence is permanent.

So when Faith says “you killed me”, she is saying “you have become me”. She identifies a common nature in them. And when Buffy kisses her, returning it in the exact same way as when Faith first said those words, she is saying “I know”. She recognises and responds to Faith’s mirror by holding up one of her own. She matches similarity with similarity. She is finally “ready” to assimilate her shadow self, and does it by telling her shadow self that she sees her, and that she was right.

The beautiful part of all this is that it is silent. Faith would’ve been aware of their unification in the dreamscape, since it was happening in both of their heads, but she has no way of knowing about this. I wonder if Buffy would ever tell her. I doubt it. This is the core of the Faith/Buffy tragedy. This is why I find this relationship so compelling. Buffy performs this act of recognition and devotion entirely in secret. It is a stolen kiss and a private confession. A whisper made to a sleeping lover. A letter written, sealed, stamped, and set on fire. It is an act of love and tenderness made entirely for its own sake, without witness or reward.

This is the single most romantic moment of the show for me. In this show that in many ways about how when nothing you do matters, all that matters is what you do, what could be more romantic than this gentle kiss that changes nothing against this aching hole of violence and betrayal between them, but exists anyway, just because Buffy felt it needed to be done. It’s a silent moment that nobody but Buffy and us are privy to. Neither Faith nor the rest of the world will ever know it happened, but I know I for one will never forget.

#btvs #buffy summers #faith lehane #graduation day #fuffy #s3 #meta

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princessbatears · 4 years ago

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I'm a storyteller both by trade and by hobby, and I understand a lot about how effective television storytelling works, in particular. My background has given me a different perspective than most people with regards to the finale, particularly what happens between Din and Grogu. Normally, I don’t get involved in fandom discussions, but I was encouraged to share my take on this. Spoilers below the cut in case I miss some tags, lol.

When I watched the episode this morning, I wasn't prepared for what happened. Like many of us, I expected a terrible cliffhanger or a neat conclusion like we got in the last season. Instead, Din encouraged his son to become a Jedi, leaving himself (and the rest of us) more than a little devastated. It was brutal. But also brilliant. Din and Grogu's individual and family arcs in this season came to a close in a way more beautiful than I could have expected. At the beginning of the season, Din kept Grogu at his side and protected him, but he was determined to pass him off to a Jedi. In part, this was because he believed it was Grogu's own good, but also because he wasn't ready to accept his fatherhood. We see this in the episode with Ahsoka. Even though he didn't want to say goodbye, he was willing to thrust Grogu upon her. When Ahsoka refused, Din was genuinely relieved and finally admitted to himself that he loved him and wanted him to stay a part of his life. That was further confirmed by the lengths he went to in order to get him back from Gideon.

Meanwhile, Grogu's gone through his own arc. We learned from Ahsoka that he hid his powers out of fear. We also learned that he's very afraid of being separated from Din, who he sees as his family. It's completely understandable. He's young and been through a lot. But that fear also makes it harder for him to train, so Ahsoka rejects him. Grogu himself continues to be a little reluctant to use his powers, needing encouragement from Din (unless it's to steal cookies). When he's captured, he fights the best he can to get away, but that fighting doesn't end up doing him much good because he can't control himself. It's my impression that, by the end of the season, Grogu's realized that he needs to be able to master his powers, not just to protect himself, but to protect Din, too. He's finally ready to step into his strength and become all that he can be, which is why he decides to go with Luke.

Din did not want Grogu to go. Everything in his being screamed that. He even say to Luke, "He doesn't want to go with you." However, when Luke explains what's going on, Din realizes that he must put Grogu's needs before his own. It's in Grogu's best interest to be nurtured in the ways of the Force, as he's always suspected, but now letting Grogu looks different than it did before. It wasn't Din rejecting his love for his son or pushing the responsibility of him onto someone else. He even did several things differently from when he tried to give Grogu to Ahsoka. First, he promises they'll see each other again. Personally, I don't think this is the end of them being together, even though Din says Grogu belongs with Luke (also more on that soon). Second, Din tells him not to be afraid. He wants Grogu to become confident in himself and all he can be. Third, he takes off his helmet to show his boy his face and let him touch him. While this is a huge sacrifice on his part because others also see his face, it is proof to Grogu that they are family and that they will always be family. Fourth, Din sets Grogu down on the floor and lets him walk to Luke. This is vitally important. In the past, he's tried to physically hand him over. This time, he lets Grogu make his own decision once and for all. Grogu walks over to look and asks to be picked up, indicating he truly wants to be trained. Din recognized him as an autonomous being with his own will, and respected and encouraged that, like a good father does. Was it easy? Absolutely not, but it was the right thing to do.

I'm not sure what Season 3 will look like as far as Din and Grogu's relationship goes. Maybe Grogu won't feature as prominently, maybe there will be a time jump, maybe something will happen and Luke will bring him back? I have no idea. None of us do. However, what I do know is that heart of the show is the relationship between Din and Grogu. I believe Filoni and Favreau know this, as does Disney. Grogu has made Disney actually relevant again, he's made them an insane amount of money, and I don't think they're going to let that cash cow go any time soon. So, everybody, please don't despair. It's going to be okay! ❤️

I'd also like to take a moment to discuss Luke. My feelings on this have evolved as I'm processed the episode over the last few hours. Initially, I wasn't very happy. I felt like a lot of people do. Why does it always have to be Skywalkers? Why couldn't it be somebody—anybody—else? Why did that have to do that weird CGI thing with his face that wigs me out? (That, admittedly, I'm still not a fan of, lol.) But with some time, I've realized that Luke makes sense. There's the inescapable fact that Star Wars is about the Skywalkers. They're the central characters of this universe. If Movies 6-9 hadn't been as godawful as they were, I think many of us wouldn't resent this fact so much. We're jaded, understandably. However, I don't believe it's fair to judge The Mandalorian's choice to include him based on other creators screwing him up in a future timeline. So far, Favreau and Filoni have been nothing but respectful of the Star Wars universe and its characters, and I'm choosing to trust them with this. But that aside, Luke is likely the only Jedi in the whole galaxy who would take Grogu as an Apprentice. Ahsoka didn't want him, too scarred by her own experiences and traumas. She also comes with the baggage the Temple placed upon its students, which was, if you have any "dark" qualities, you're untrainable. Meanwhile, in the original trilogy, Luke learned how to become a Jedi even though his legacy was those "dark" qualities. He overcame his own anger and fear and started new Jedi traditions. He's the perfect person at this point in his life to teach Grogu how to master his powers. He is obviously aware of how important Grogu is to Din and he'll take good care of him until the family can be reunited.

Personally, I loved this finale, especially the last few minutes. They absolutely destroyed me on a human level, but excited me as a writer and storyteller. By shaking the show up like this, it keeps the audience on their toes and reminds us that anything can happen. Din and Grogu's relationship is why people are so invested and throwing this huge kink that creates a massive conflict that the audience is desperate to have resolved. Aside from one of them actually dying (which would have me throw the show in the garbage), very little else could create such a reaction, which is the whole point. I can't wait to see what the creatives throw at us next year! 😃

#the manadalorian spoilers #the mandalorian season 2 spoilers #the mandalorian season 2 #the mandalorian #mandalorian analysis

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