#also I love giving characters who have been through physical trauma scars. even if they can ostensibly be healed in STverse I just think-
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Inside the Character's Mind: Part 1
mentions of physical, psychological and sexual abuse towards both Koujaku and his mother
SELF DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR
Letâs go back to the beginning. Or rather, what Koujaku tells us. He also talks about himself, of course, but usually when he talks about his past, most of the time he talks about his mother: because thatâs what hurts him the most. He barely mentions the abuse towards him other than the tattoo and that one time his father punched him. But he always talks about all the hardships that his family put his mother through. And Iâm sure youâll agree with me that it is hard to believe that was it.
Koujakuâs father has proven to be an extremely violent piece of shit and a zero-empathetic person. I donât doubt that Koujakuâs mother, because of her nature, was his favorite toy. Whatâs more, he did every cruel thing he could think of to her, his wife too, she had fresh wounds every day and she couldnât even eat, and although it isnât said nor implied I wouldnât be surprised if Koujaku was a product of rape. I mean⌠most likely. We hardly know anything about his mother, not her appearance, not her name, not what she liked, not how the hell she ended up in that place, if there was any love involved in it or if it was something about debt, we only know that she was the perfect victim.
She was always saying sorry to her son, for everything Koujakuâs been witnessing, she feels guilty and responsible because he tries to stand up for her, and because she has brought him to a world where the one that decides for them is a criminal. She keeps a deep pain inside for everything thatâs happening and she tries to hide it, especially from Koujaku, and seeing her son suffer doesnât help. Smiling to him so he doesnât worry, and saying sorry to try to comfort him. Thatâs why the last thing she repeats over and over to her son when sheâs lethally wounded is âIâm sorryâ, feeling sorry that itâs because of her that he has lived like this, because she wasnât able to protect him, to give him a proper life.
Obviously all his father did was also psychological abuse towards Koujaku, even blackmailing him with hurting his mother. But I sincerely believe that his father would use physical abuse to teach the boy a lesson, nothing could stop him anyway, because Koujaku as a child complained and rebelled, he didnât care if his father hit him, he would defend his mother regardless. This is why I sometimes give Koujaku more scars to his body, and besides defensive cuts I also give him cigarette burn marks. Lore expansion better known as adding trauma.
I think he just doesnât talk about it that much because the abuse towards him isnât what has hurt him the most. We ourselves often donât give it much importance if someone tries to insult us, but maybe if itâs someone close to us, that does piss us off, some logic like that. Moreover, throughout the game Koujakuâs personality is just like that, always worrying about others and giving little importance to himself, to the point of being tremendously negative for himself.
Donât you think those scars would make him look more masculine, intimidating, as if heâs survived dozens of dangerous, tough fights? It seems the perfect image for an environment like organized crime.
Despite all of Koujakuâs feminine traits, the perception of him both in canon and in fandom (usually) is that of a stereotypically masculine, super straight man who fucks a different woman every night, always joking with âno homo, broâ (which, mind you, Iâm not saying I donât like these jokes, I make them myself too). But in reality that couldn't be further from the truth.
With that image that we have of him, sometimes it would seem that he is someone with prejudices or that he really had a hard time accepting that heâs not straight, specially when in the scene where he confesses to Aoba he says the following:
The reasons he tries to hide his feelings is a mix between the fact that they are friends and he doesnât want to ruin the friendship they already have, that he wants to hide his past and that he doesnât want to be a burden on Aoba, so he keeps all those things to himself. (And heâs also been educated a certain way and has always seen things one way, never gave it much thought so when it crosses his mind, of course heâs confused)
When he first met Aoba he thought he was a girl because he had really long hair, and after all, when weâre kids we donât have very developed features anyway, itâs a pretty androgynous state. When Aoba corrects him and tells him heâs a boy his behavior is exactly the same, nothing changes. He corrects himself and never treats him as a girl.
He is someone who has no problem showing his affection for Aoba, neither in private nor in public, heâs very comfortable with his bisexuality, the only one who is reluctant to do so, either out of shame or fear, is Aoba.
What Iâm trying to get at with all this is that all that âgentlemanâ facade and the âalways accepting women who want to have something with himâ that makes him look so stereotypical in a first impression has a much darker origin, although underneath all that thereâs a much more sentimental, vulnerable and open Koujaku about his true feelings, expressing them even if he feels embarrassed, as we see on some occasions (touching his hair nervously when he confesses, of when he explains why Aoba's hair is so important to him).
The relationship he has with his mother is the most direct connection, or course. Being the son of an abused woman has made him hyper-aware of his position as a man (so much that sexism in this game almost goes full circle like the Bourbon family tree, but this is NCâs problem and it happens everywhere, itâs so obvious itâs a writers problem and itâs a shame it affects Koujaku so much because heâs basically the only one who isnât scared of a bad bitch). Weâll talk about this in particular some more later, but letâs focus on what concerns his father for now.
Being the family of criminals that they are, abusers and⌠almost slavers, the most logical thing to assume is that they are specially conservative. It could very well be that his father, once he decided to make him his heir, wanted the image of his kid to be as intimidating and masculine as possible. A criminal, a murderer who could run his business in a world like this.
We know that the tattoo is an experiment by Toue, and it wouldnât be strange if his father knew what was behind it, because after all it would also be beneficial for him to have a way to control him, to mold him to his liking and to make him obedient, unlike he had been behaving, refusing to be his heir and trying to defend his mother. The image of an effeminate, soft, sissy man was not exactly ideal for the future leader. For me, Koujakuâs father either already intended to name him heir before agreeing to the tattoo being an experiment with Toue and Ryuuhou, or he ended up deciding to name him the heir precisely because they had already talked about the tattoo and its possibilities beforehand.
His father would want to break him, drive him to despair so that he would stop resisting, take away his will and, although this is mostly headcanon, âmake him a manâ. Be a man, be strong, tenacious, learn to fight and find a woman to continue the family with, etc. So it is not surprising that at first he didnât even reconsider his sexuality and thought that the affection he had for Aoba was just friendship, which over time, with such strong feelings, he realized was not the case. I sincerely love that he is shown to be so nervous and that he confesses to be kinda confused about it and in a state of denial, without having any external reference and too busy hating his father and Ryuuhou to even think about it, itâs normal that it took him so long.
He was trained to be a gangster, while his father insulted him, hit him and threatened him using his mother, on whom he took it out. This training also implies not only fighting but also for doing business, how to talk to be well-received, how to negotiate, how to give the best impression of himself at any given situation. This pack of skills seem to resonate with those that he uses to flirt and run his own business, even if he does it on an unconscious level, he just knows what to say to strike the person heâs talking to in their weak spots. His fatherâs physical treatment would not only be a punishment, but also to teach him a lesson, to learn to endure the pain, just like he endured the pain of the tattoo. If he cried, it would be shameful, he would be punished. He had to hide his pain, his feelings, his thoughts, for the sake of his motherâs safety and his own. Practically becoming a puppet, thus evolving into the life he carries in Midorijima as an adult.
Him not wanting to open up to Aoba wouldnât be just an âoh heâs going to hate meâ. Itâs also what he learned would be the best, having a charismatic appearance that everyone likes. After all wouldnât it be logical to not want any confrontation with anyone after all that? A tough guy, with people around him who admire him, who never gets tired or cries, because nothingâs wrong. In a way itâs also a shield, a protection, a defense mechanism. To be a man.
Now, the way he behaves that almost everyone without exception associates with his mother. And this, for sure, is the intention, his desire to protect his mother and therefore take care of the women he meets. But itâs also him actively wanting to be the opposite of his father.
What kind of relationship does he have with women? The contact he has with them is mostly through all his female fans, who are crazy to say the least. Weâre not going to get much into the subject of sexism but first of all itâs a huge mistake that his fans are only young women or the way they make them all act.
Koujaku spends all his time building a character that he considers perfect, someone gentle, who never says no to a woman and is always available to entertain them, it would never occur to him to deny anything to any of them, as his mother was denied so many things. Unlike that hard and tenacious masculinity that he was taught to have in order to take on his role as the heir or the bestiality of his tattoo, he presents a gentle and chivalrous masculinity on the outside. What he does is pamper them and give them everything they ask for (almost, because has never really had serious relationships. Which makes sense because he would be telling them pretty big lies, right? That wouldnât fit with his own code). He doesnât think very highly of himself, he has a low self-esteem as he thinks of himself as nothing better than a worthless monster that should have probably died a long time ago.
Sometimes people who are abused go through abuse again, in a cycle. I think saying that Koujaku is a playboy is incorrect. (He acts flirty and likes playing around, sure, but thereâs something deeper). That perception of him is natural, of course, because the way he behaves and how he is presented to you, it is the image they want to give of him after all, in a basic and cliche way, so artificial that it is unsettling. I could believe that it sounds artificial on purpose, referring to that shell of how a confident and strong man should talk, if it werenât for the fact that they do this kind of cliche and artificial situations quite often with other characters as well, and it makes it kinda hard to remain immersed. I honestly think that the foreshadowing could have been done a little better, but it still serves the narrative. Also this is practically almost all you see of his character the two first interactions he has with Aoba. Considering the structure of the game and how rushed everything is, itâs not very positive, but for the sake of your mental health it's better not to think too much about it.
In short, Koujaku is a very accommodating and attentive person. He listens and encourages others with their problems but doesnât let anyone worry about him with his own, taking on everything himself. He even ironically tells Aoba that if heâs worried about what happened with Mizuki, he can blame him, and that he can always count on him to tell him anything. Itâs a very lonely way to live, even though he has so many people around him.
Knowing this, itâs more than reasonable to think that more than him flirting with women, itâs simply him agreeing to give what those women ask of him. They come looking for something and he gives it to them. Heâs a toy. Itâs often joked that heâs practically a prostitute, and pretty much thatâs what it is. And itâs in the balcony scene where we see a more personal side of him, where we can observe that in reality all this burden tires him, itâs not natural. Itâs not like his character isnât extroverted and charismatic, but thatâs not everything, and in public he doesnât allow himself to be âlessâ, so in private and in confidence is when he can afford to relax, with Aoba or in his own house.
Somehow, even though he is no longer with his family, the way he interacts with other people, or how he lets himself be used, be it consciously or not, even if there is a different intention behind, is not that different from before, people still use him.
ERHM... SOMETHING
Iâve sometimes wondered if there was some sort of sexual abuse on Ryuuhouâs part towards Koujaku. Nothing is implied canonically, at least physically, but the erotic connotations of the story of the tattoo artist heâs based on, the sadism, and his constant references to love make me think of it happening on a symbolic level.
I think itâs obvious that Ryuuhou loves Koujaku, in his own way, as his creation, and heâs referencing love at first sight and Koujakuâs abuse of Aoba. In a metaphorical way that abuse certainly happened, ever since he was tattooed, his body did not belong to him anymore. There are people who canât stand the idea of having sex, and others who often seek it out to ease the pain. Ryuuhou made sure to mark his body and mind so that he could never forget him. His tattoos are his shame, his filth and sin. When Aoba touches his tattoos Koujaku practically jumps at contact.
#again text in red is new info added after the document was posted to you can identify it if you've already read it all#dmmd#dramatical murder#koujaku dmmd#koujaku#essay#this one's long đĽ´#I can't believe we finally ended the character design part đ¤Ż
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Been wanting to redraw this meme since I started reading TPP so I finally did it⌠baby VikâŚ
#my art#described#star trek: tos#the pandora principle#spock#saavik#s'chn t'gai saavik#s'chn t'gai spock#next panel that i was too lazy to draw is Saavik just biting Spock. and spock just accepts it#sarek off camera is like âSpock. this one. are you sure?â and spock nods. as saavik is still biting him.#also I love giving characters who have been through physical trauma scars. even if they can ostensibly be healed in STverse I just think-#-theyâre a fun way to express certain qualities about a character. like look at my baby sheâs survived so much
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I've never been a huge fan of the retcon of Stephanie Brown's death.
Don't get me wrong -- she never should have been killed the way she was, and I'm overjoyed that she's alive. But... the retcon itself is just so, so boring and stupid and uninspired. "Whoops, she faked her death! LOL!"
On the bright side: It not only brought Steph back, but it gave her the chance to earn respect and redemption in a way that would have been impossible had she stayed dead (obviously). It gave her the chance to become something more than "that dumb kid who started a gang war".
Also on the bright side: It salvaged Leslie Thompkins, whose character had been absolutely butchered -- even worse than Steph -- by War Games. Her motivation for letting a child fucking die on her table was absolute bullshit that made no sense for Leslie whatsoever, and spoke of a profound lack of understanding of her as a character and her relationship with Bruce in particular. The retcon washes her hands of Steph's blood at least, even if "faking a teenager's death" isn't the greatest thing for a resume.
On the not-so-bright side: It further demonized Steph by instead making her "that dumb kid who not only started a gang war, but also selfishly put her friends and mother through absolute hell by making them think she was dead".
Also on the not-so-bright side: It erased her very real trauma in the eyes of both fandom and the characters themselves. Oh, she didn't die and stay dead? Guess that means she didn't actually suffer. Guess that means being tortured to the point of death didn't mean anything. Guess that means power drills and broken glass and being hung in a stress position for hours/days doesn't hurt or leave scars or anything. Guess that means being suddenly stolen away from her entire life, with no one that she loves or even knows (we have no reason to believe she was close to Leslie when War Games happened, contrary to popular belief), wasn't incredibly difficult. Guess that means that recovering from massive physical and psychological trauma in a foreign country you've never been to and don't speak the language of, fully dependent on somebody she barely knows, and without the love and emotional support of her mother was probably find, right? Guess that means she didn't learn anything from her mistakes, huh? Because you have to actually die and be dead and stay dead for a while in order to be sympathetic, I guess.
Also on the not-so-bright side: It absolved Bruce (and the writers) of the callousness of his treatment of Steph, and of not memorializing her in the Batcave or giving any other indication that he ever considered her a real Robin to anyone other than Steph herself, whom he believed was dying and wouldn't be around to tell it anyways. (You may consider this a "bright side" thing. I don't, because a large part of my issue with Batman as a character is that he's always Right even when he's Wrong, and the narrative often ends up supporting his blatant assholery. I dislike his bad behavior being vindicated by virtue of secret knowledge or deus ex machina.)
More importantly, however, I've always questioned exactly how much agency Steph had in the whole "faking her death" thing.
Originally, Bruce found that Steph had been "stable" and shouldn't have died, unless Leslie allowed her to. Being "stable" at one point in time absolutely doesn't mean you're not in any danger whatsoever. It's good, but it's no guarantee -- especially if she was in bad enough shape that simple lack of intervention on Leslie's behalf would have been enough to kill her (and within a relatively short amount of time, too).
So we know she was badly injured. Enough so that Batman thought she was dying, and wasn't surprised by that fact initially. (He's not exactly someone who doesn't have experience with estimating someone's condition in the field, too, remember.) Steph herself even seemed to believe that she was dying.
Additionally, Steph can't exactly demand that Leslie -- whom she barely knows, remember -- fold up her practice and run away to Africa to get her away from Gotham. Or plan everything that would be necessary to fake her death, right down to a substitute corpse and autopsy. Those were things that took some real intent and planning on Leslie's part, as well as some Big Ass Decisions for the good doctor.
So it seems almost certain that the idea itself was Leslie's. She made these decisions very quickly, but she had to have been the one to make them. Was Steph privy to this? Well, was she even conscious? And if she was conscious, was she heavily drugged, for pain if nothing else? Seems she would have been. Even if not drugged, was she mentally and emotionally capable of making such a decision, considering she had just suffered actual literal torture?
It seems very unlikely to me that Steph had any, or much, input into this decision whatsoever.
And once they were in Africa, how long and difficult was her recovery? Was she given access to ways to contact anyone? Or change her mind? I'm not suggesting that Leslie was holding her hostage; I'm questioning whether Steph was even physically capable of advocating for herself for a while, let alone mentally. Her only connection to her former life is the doctor who whisked her away here -- and that connection is also the person who's in charge of her care. If you're exhausted, in lots of pain, probably heavily medicated, in emotional distress, and have limited mobility, you're probably a lot more likely to take your doc's suggestion that you "just relax and don't worry about that right now".
Additionally, what kind of mental/emotional state was Steph even in? She knew she fucked up. She knew people had suffered and died because of what she did. You can call Steph a lot of things, but "uncaring" and "unempathetic" are not among them. It's easy to say she was selfishly hiding from the consequences of her actions, and maybe that's true to an extent, but consider what we know about Steph's self-esteem up to this point. I don't think it's a stretch to say that she probably thought that Gotham was better off without her. She probably thought that nobody wanted to see her. She may have even though they were glad she was "dead". (Even her mother, whom she loves dearly. I believe her relationship with her mom is actually quite complicated, thanks to Crystal's neglect during her substance abuse days, their differing feelings on Arthur surrounding his death, and Steph's occasional parentification. Steph believed she had to protect her mother, but probably didn't feel like she was very good at it, so is it really surprising that an emotionally-compromised, injured Stephanie Brown might think that her mother might actually be better off with her "dead"?)
And what about when she reached the point where she was both physically and mentally capable of facing what she had done, and the fact that she was letting her loved ones believe she was dead, and that it might be hurtful of her to do that?
Well, at that point, the damage was already done, wasn't it? Telling them after 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, or however long the bulk of her recovery took wouldn't matter that much, would it? The lie had already been told. They had already buried her. They had already grieved. Maybe, by that point, it even felt like it would be more cruel to suddenly tell the truth. And by that point, she had begun to heal, begun to gain perspective, begun to re-evaluate somethings about herself. She probably really did need the time away to get her shit together. She probably did, for a little while, think it might be best if she never set foot in Gotham again.
I'm not saying that makes it all okay. Her mother, in particular, deserved better than all that. Cass was devastated and clearly struggled with Steph's death, perhaps even moreso than Tim. It was a shitty thing to put people through.
But I'm suggesting that 1. it's not fair to place so much of the blame on Stephanie herself, because it's not logical to suggest that she's the one who planned any of this, and 2. it's at least somewhat understandable.
#a-bad-case-of-the-stephs you know your tags made me think about this more#it's a shitty retcon imo but it is what it is#stephanie brown#leslie thompkins
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Imma be real for a second and say I love the way Jesse has scars on your art??? Love it when someone gives a character who's been through a lot of physical (and mental) trauma some kind of scar. It just emphasizes to me that they went through that. And the effects of that stay with them.
Sorry I'm rambling
Tldr mmm scar art prettyyyy
exactly!! jesseâs gone through so much that iâd be surprised if he didnât have any scars. and i like to think heâs confident enough to show them off not as injuries to his body but as a part of who he is, like a collection of experiences and battles heâs overcome. hence why i have his sleeves rolled up most of the time (and also rolled sleevesâŚso genderâŚ)
heâs got a bunch of other scars i never get to show off so hereâs some scar headcanons as a treat! i wanted to give each major one a backstory so itâs not just there for aesthetics. the others are normal battle scars tho
ramblings about the f-bomb scar and the face scar under the cut bc thereâs a lot oops. ty for the ask!
can we talk about the damage the f-bomb did to him in game. or the lack of damage even. because thereâs no way this man got out of a close explosion from the strongest bomb with ONLY ringing ears for a few seconds?? not that im complaining iâm glad heâs okay bfjkfh
either the orderâs armour is made of impressively strong cloth and metal or minecraft block people are very tolerant to damage. although the logical explanation would probably be the damage canât be shown realistically within the limitations of a minecraft game (not just on the pg side of things but also they are. made of a few pixels) idk itâs something interesting to think about lore/game development wise
if it werenât for canon depictions iâd probably have the scar cover half of his body,, but i like keeping designs close to canon depictions so a big shoulder scar it is! i had it cover more of his back since he turns when being fished down to try and shield himself
as for the face scar! iâve debated for a long time whether to have that as the origin bc i thought it was too cruel but it stayed in the end- itâs probably the hardest one heâs had to overcome despite it being the smallest major scar. every time he looks in the mirror heâs reminded of how he failed reuben. how can it be that he only gets a small scrape while his best friend loses his life? all because of jesseâs mistakes?
some OLD art incoming so shield your eyes but these are a few doodles exploring that! i was also testing the f-bomb scar on the face for funsies
eventually though, as he learns to accept his many scars he comes to see this one as a mark of the turning point of his life, both the good and the bad, and how much reuben and jesse meant to each other that they faced the worldâs end together, knowing full well of the consequences. in a sense he carries reubenâs memory through that scar :]
anyways this is so long iâll shut up now LOL
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The only reason people say Lloyd was maltreated is because OG Lloyd suffers from âDraco in Leather Pantsâ, where a character with major negative flaws has those flaws massively downplayed. Along with any evil actions or rude behaviour they committed ignored or retroactively justified as them being the actions of a âvictimâ who is lashing out, despite all evidence to the contrary. This mostly done so that the fandom can have a new âWoobieâ, a character who makes you feel extremely sorry for them, to write angst about
On the other hand, Arcos suffers from âRon the Death Eaterâ syndrome. Where fandom decides to take a good character who committed a few mistakes in the past, exaggerating that charactersâs small negative flaws or mistakes to massive proportions. Or even assigning evil acts to the character that the character never committed. This way people can have convenient antagonist who hurt the âWoobieâ in the past or continues to do so, thus making the âWoobieâ the victim in the scenario.
These are all symptoms of people wanting to make more âWhumpâ fanfic. Whump fanfic is fanfic where a character undergoes various different forms physical and mental suffering. These insubstantial takes on the characters in order to create âWhumpâ completely ignore other avenues rife with potential âWhumpâ, ones that are even supported by the source material.
Such as Kim Suho constant struggles with the fact that even though he now has the life he always wanted, being free from debt, in a safe financial positions, and being surrounded by a loving family, he has to contend with the fact they arenâtât his. He has to handle the guilt he feels when interacting with Arcos and Marbella due to the belief that they donât know that he not there son. That he effectively stolen another personâs life, though through no fault of his own, and has now undeservedly gained that personâs parents.
Then there is Julian, who suffered plenty of abuse from his brother over the years growing up, both vocal and physical. As evidenced by the scar on his forehead that was caused by glass from a beer bottle his brother threw at him. There is also the physical and vocal abuse he suffered from other nobles at the academy before Kim Suho showed up and set everyone straight. Yet not nearly as many people seem to be interested in delving to how being on the receiving end of that kind of abuse for years would affect him
In short,
Reader: âI want Whumpâ
Actual Story: âWe have Whump at homeâ
love the use of tropes in this ask, you're speaking my language now
and yeah, you're right, i just,,, i find it confusing. ofc everyone is allowed to do whatever they want, canon is a suggestion and all of that but like,, i don't know. i find it weird.
it almost feels like they're trying to justify og lloyd's abuse of julian by accusing arcos of bad parenting. but 1) they do it by exaggerating some genuine mistakes he made, 2) ignoring the context surrounding the situation and 3) just fucking lying about it????
not to mention, that even if arcos had been a genuinely bad father (which he was not), that would still not justify what og lloyd did to julian! negligence doesn't justify abuse! even if the fronteras hadn't given lloyd enough positive attention (which there isn't any evidence to assume this), that would still not justify og lloyd lashing out and constantly hurting the people around him, including his younger brother.
if people want whump, just like you said, there's plenty in canon already. lloyd, julian, and javier all have their own trauma to work through, some of it caused by og lloyd himself. heck if you want that very specific 'negligent and distant father' flavor of whump, sheherazade is right there. bk moon does a great job at giving us plenty of character with a lot of baggage and trauma, there's enough to pick and choose without needing to resort to headcanons that go directly against canon lmao
but again, i'm not fond of the whole 'you're only allowed to like a character while acknowledging every bad thing they've ever done' thing, because it's bullshit and also i love me some war criminals here and there, so do whatever you want forever i'm no one to say you can't do something lol
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SPECULATION RAMBLE ABOUT NIIGO IN GENERAL THTAT I NEED TO POST BEFORE ENA5 SO I CAN EITHER SAY I CALLED IT OR LOOK LIKE A CLOWN
SO. ive been thinking if mizu5 might be establishing a pattern for the overarching structure of niigos story......
like. i feel like the whole mizuki being outed and hitting absolute rock bottom mentally kinda sorta mirrors mafuyus rock bottom in the main story. this is putting aside that mafuyu had been in a longer and more constant descent in contrast to mizuki more or less doing well prior to mizu5 but both of them hit a breaking point that leaves them completely dysfunctional and actively suicidal thats visually represented with the live2d hollow eyes.
so!! ive been thinking that having mizukis emotional state completely fixed with the next event would be Kinda lame considering the sheer gravitas mizu5s ending had, and thought it would be cool if, just like the events previous to sayonara my persona, where kanade ena and mizuki impart unto mafuyu important lessons that she then goes on to use to stand up to her mom (unconditional companionship, assertiveness about her boundaries, disengaging from a distressing situation), mizuki could also have events where the rest of niigo gives her advice that shows aspects of their character how that mirrors her just like niigo mirrors mafuyu, which she maybe could use to confront the way not only her peers treat her but also how school faculty enabled and heal from the trauma isolation and scrutiny left in her.
so i imagine this pattern could be
niigo member hits rock bottom (mfy main story, mizu5)
rest of niigo helps her out of rock bottom, while currently stable she still has emotional scars from rock bottom and whatever caused said rock bottom hasnt been completely resolved (mfy end of main story, ena5(?))
rest of niigo has paired event with niigo member where the one of them is explored through the lens of something she has that can help the other (someday this wish will transcend the morning sky, immiscible discord/mirage of lights, our escape for survival)
niigo member is able to confront whatever caused her to hit rock bottom and ends up in a better place where she is not being currently tormented and can properly begin healing (sayonara my persona)
if this is somewhat accurate then ena and kanade going through the above after another age up would make sooo much sense to me. both of them are unsure about what theyre going to do after high school
so like imagine if ena went to college as an art major and felt so strongly a gap in skill between her and her classmates, or could try to break into the art industry right after highschool to the same effect, feeling completely inadequate to the point of wanting to disappear because, just like her dad said, she isnt talented enough to be an artist, the thing she loves most in this world will forever be out of reach.
and kanade, who feels fundamentally worthless (evil, even) and needs to constantly justify her own existence by 'saving' others, sees the rest of niigo mentally stable (mafuyu specially), no longer needing to be 'saved' via her music, maybe in her eyes no longer needing HER, and begins wanting to disappear as she feels aimless after finishing highschool and no longer has physical proof that she is 'saving' someone (i dont think colopale would ever do this but how fucked would it be if her dad died and thats what pushes her over the edge.. more plausible would be if he had health complications i think)
i feel like kanade and ena's central conflicts are more abstract than mafuyu and mizuki's, while mafuyu and mizuki have actual people they can confront who caused their hurt (mfys mom, mzks classmates), kanade and enas are a lot more. idk, internal??? maybe not completely for ena as trying to make a living as an artist is extremely hard and she has her dad as an 'actual person who caused their hurt' but i think shin'ei is a bit different?? hes not as antagonistically presented as mafuyus mom is, i havent read knowing the unseen yet but from what little ive seen it seems like we get a lot of insight as to why shin'ei did what he did and the affirmation that he does love ena a lot, which i dont think we will quite get with mafumom, who was in no uncertain terms shown to only care about the mafuyu who is a good girl.
kanade though i think does represent this entirely more interal conflict, shes had to face so much death and decay through her moms health issues and eventual death coupled with her dads current health issues that sometimes her darkness feels so much more. idk. dramatic?? tragic?? raw?? when compared to even the rest of niigo who while suicidal never had to face the Actual Death of a Loved One to where i think kanades journey to healing will be turbulent with her issues so deeply held. i dunno maybe lm Being Shitty And Doing A This Character Has It Worse. idk.
âout of topic kanade ramble sorry. i feel like i dont have that strong of a grasp on her character so if im off base you can kill me ^_^
kanade has always had a different vibe to her in my eyes though.. her childhood flashbacks that are present in all her focuses and central to her character are so tender but have such a sad undercurrent, the way her parents raised her with unconditional love and support allows her to in turn support the people she loves in the present but theres always this facf in of your head as you see them, kanade is alone now, her mom is dead and her dad, while alive, might as well also be dead since he doesnt remember her, hes unable to help her in the ways only a guardian could, not only that but seeing him is an eternal reminder to her to how in her eyes she is worthless, she almost killed her dad, how can she go on living having done that.
#i dont think this will hold up but if it does you all have to praise me forever. smiles so brightly#đ˝#THIS TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO WRITE ANS I HAD AN ABSOLUTE BALL THE ENTIRE TIME. WHERE WAS THIS MOTIVATION WHEN I HAD TO DO SHIT FOR COLLEGE#me when i have the anime blorbo autism instead of the academia autism âšď¸#<-im STILL in the process of actually finding out if i have autism so if i dont you can all laugh at me forever#DROPS THIS IN FRONT OF YOU AND GOES BACK TO INACTIVITY LIKE A CAT GIVING YOU A DEAD RAT AND TAKING A NAP IMMEDIATELY AFTER#SORRY TO THE MUTUAL I SAID I WAS GOING TO TALK TO OUT OF MY OWN INITIATIVE. IM SHYES FOREVER
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Gallowglass (1993)
Triggerwarning: Suicide, Physical Abuse, Violence
Summary: Joe (Michael Sheen) was just released from a mental hospital but his foster parents wont take him back home. Desperate and having nowhere to go he attemps to commit suicide but is saved last minute by Sandor (Paul Rhys). Joe is now devoted to his saviour, who uses this to his advantage by further manipulating Joe up to the point where he aggrees to help kidnap a young woman.
Spoilers beyond this
Starting off with a punch in the gut (litterally)
Found this a bit uncomfortable to watch. Not necessarily because its bad, but because is portrays a very abusive relationship between Sandor and Joe. Itâs proper fucked up, so that is kinda the point. Joe is almost obsessed with Sandor, constantly excusing his horrible behaviour and actions. You very much believe that Joe would do anything for him. Itâs genuinely scary to watch.
Sandor saves Joe
After they successfully kidnap the young woman they where after it turns out Sandor isnât after a ransom, but is in love with her and wants to free her from her (as he thinks) miserable life. She rejects him which he, after some drama, accepts. However Sandor ends up killing himself the same way Joe tried to earlier, by throwing himself in front of a train. And because heâs a total bastard he does it right in front of Joe. (poor guy canât catch a break)
Throughout the series are short clips of Joe explaining the events in hindsight This shows a very different aspect of the character itâs almost jarring. But in a good way. You very much get the sense that this whole story scarred him even further, but he also seems more mature and reflected. In the end we see that he might be talking to a therapist (maybe even in a prison?) so I like to think that at some point in his life he manages to set himself free from that past trauma. âTilly said Sandor was bananas, off the wall, after lunchâŚthere seem to be a lot of words for mad. I told her never to say it. He wasnât mad, he was just in painâŚI know all about that, donât I?â - fucking shivers down my spine The way he delivered that line, fucking genius. If you dont wanna watch the whole series, watch this one scene itâs so good. (itâs somewhat at the 44 minute mark of episode three)
The performances of the lead actors are way more convincing than I expected, itâs the most interesting part of the whole series imo. Joe starts off already broken and by the end heâs absolutely fucked up. He gets completely corrupted by his saviour to the point of kinda assuming his persona after Sandor died. Thats a pretty interesting dynamic and it left me feeling a bit icky afterwards.
I havent read the book but even with the great performances of the actors something about the story didnt quite capture me. Like the suspense was built up, but the payoff wasnt quite there. Maybe the stakes arent high enough? Idk something about the overall story couldve been pushed a bit moreâŚ
Anyway idk if this was Michaels very first time acting in front of a camera, but considering this was very early in his career he did an exeptionally good job. Michael has this way of completely disappearing in his characters its amazing to watch. And it blows my mind that he could do this so well already when he was just like 24 I think?
Joe calls the woman they intend to kidnap "the princess", after a story Sandor told him
His acting combined with Paul Rhys gives a very convincing dynamic. If it wasnât for them this wouldâve been an absolute bore.
Would I recommend watching this? Maybe, If you donât have a problem going through a few unconfortable scenes and a overall mediocre story. If you absolutely want to see Michael play a very broken, fucked up young man, sure! Thereâs some good acting in it so at least it isnt boring. Just prepare for violence and some uncomfy stuff.
(Horrible Hair dye job, Sandor)
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11
Which character has been through the most design changes?
Probably Koda and Maeja, just because they're the characters I've had the longest! A lot of the time my characters will have an original design I just throw down and then I'll redesign them around a year later when I have a clearer image of them in my head, but I'm just never satisfied with these designs. Probably cause I don't want them to stand out too much, they're supposed to be numbers in a system and that's why I design them with uniforms now as well. But I like that Koda has a design indicative of his backstory and that Mae gives I'm not like other girls because it contradicts their personalities: Koda doesn't want evidence of his life on him and Mae wants to be like other girls.
Their designs thus have gone through just a lot of little tweaks for the sake of making them look like both normal people and anime girls. Both of them got darker skin and curlier hair than their original designs just to get that out of the way #pocficationbeam.
Koda's hair didn't always cover his eyes, it's a visual metaphor for blissful ignorance now. It fully covers his eyes as a child, one eye through high school, and once they've found their home, it covers neither. His outfit has changed a hundred times, I liked the wide neck sweater because it looked scholarly but with a scar on his neck, a turtleneck both dulls down that main character energy by hiding it and fits him better because he wouldn't show it off. I've also changed the number of scars on his face and the placement, he didn't always have them on his face but I liked that he couldn't hide them. The knife wound was always there, but the burn scar used to be just a regular burn for realism. I changed it to a lichtenberg figure because even though those don't scar, it suits him to have the shape of his more visible scar be indicative of his power, the trauma he can talk about.
Mae's outfit was the core of my issues w her, the black hoodie was far too simplistic and pairing it w skinny jeans just wasn't. like emo enough. the blue shirt and black leather jacket has been in the mix for a while because the dark colours suit her and the leather jacket represents an outer layer of her personality, but it just doesn't always seem right? I feel like she wouldn't want to put all of that on, again it also makes her stand out beside Noah and Koda who both wear colour. So her fit is even still up in the air but I want to give her a dress. Her hair is another thing that gave me trouble, I certainly think she'd want it to obscure her face and that's what her first pass was like, but she also needs to have her eyes visible from a design standpoint bc she controls souls, and she does this by connecting with people either physically or emotionally. She can't connect w people w her eyes obscured, so her hair is pulled back sloppily bc I feel like she wouldn't care to make it neat. The newest additions to her design again make her stand out as a main character but are symbolic: the flowers in her hair. They were given to her by Noah and Koda to cheer her up and represent her ability to leave her past behind and grow anew. Koda gave her bluebells (gratitude and love, i imagine this is the nicest thing he's ever done for her) and Noah, not knowing anything about plant symbolism, gives her some nearby dandelions (represent regrowth and strength, two things she's struggling to achieve).
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I heard that #40 was super homophobic :/ so I skipped it. But now your fic is making me want to give it a try. How problematic is it? Are the characters worth it?
Okay.
Okay.
Letâs talk about #40.
The plot of The Other (a Marco POV) is that Marco sees an Andalite on a video tape sent in to some Unsolved Mysteries-esque TV show, and he assumes itâs Ax and hauls ass to save him from being captured. Ax, being Ax, has videotaped the show, and they pull it up and Tobias uses his hawk eyes to figure out that itâs not Ax, itâs another Andalite - one without a tailblade. Ax is appalled at the presence of this vecol (an Andalite word for a disabled person) and we find out that he and others of his species have deep ingrained prejudices against at least some kinds of disabled people.
Despite this, Marco and Ax go looking for the Andalite in question because heâs been spotted by national TV, and they meet a second one, named Gafinilan-Estrif-Valad. The vecol is Mertil-Iscar-Elmand, a former fighter pilot with a reputation and Gafinilanâs coded-gay life partner. The two of them have been on Earth since book 1; they crashed their fighters on the planet and have been trapped there thanks to the GalaxyTree going down. Gafinilan has adopted a human cover, a physics professor, and theyâve been living in secret ever since.
Thanks to that tape, Mertil has been captured by Visser Three, and heâs not morph-capable so he canât escape. Gafinilan wants to trade the leader of the âAndalite Banditsâ to the Yeerks to get his boyfriend back; he canât fight to free Mertil because heâs terminally ill with a genetic disorder that will eventually kill him, and (itâs implied that) the Yeerks arenât interested in disabled hosts, even disabled Andalite ones. Despite Axâs ableism, the Animorphs agree to work with Gafinilan and free Mertil, and theyâre successful. Marco ends the book talking about how there are all kinds of prejudices youâll have to face and boxes that people will put you in, and you canât necessarily escape them even if theyâre reductive and inaccurate, but you can still live your life with pride.
So now that Iâve explained the plot, Iâm gonna come out the gate saying that I love this book. I love it wholeheartedly, I love Marcoâs narration, I love Ax having to deal with Andalite societyâs ableism, I love these characters, and as a disabled lesbian I donât find these disabled gays to be inherently Bad Rep.
thatâs of course just my opinion and it doesnât overshadow other issues that people might have? but at the same time, I donât like the seemingly-common narrative that this book is all bad all the time, and I want to offer up a different read.To that end, Iâm going to go point by point through some of the criticisms and common complaints that Iâve seen across the fandom over the years.
âMertil and Gafinilan were put on a bus after one appearance because they were gay!â
this is one Iâm going to have to disagree with hardcore. I talked about this yesterday, but in Animorphs there are a lot of characters or ideas that only get introduced once or twice and then get written off or dropped - in order off the top of my head, #11 (the Amazon trip), #16 (Fenestre and his cannibalism), #17 (the oatmeal), #18 (the hint of Yeerks doing genetic experiments in the hospital basement), #24/#39/#42 (the Helmacronsâ ability to detect morphing tech), #25 (the Venber), #28 (experiments with limiting brain function through drugs), #34 (the Hork-Bajir homeworld being retaken, the Ixcila procedure), #36 (the Nartec), #41 (Jakeâs Bad Future Dream), and #44 (the Aboriginal people Cassie meets in Australia) all feature things that either seem to exist just for the sake of having a particular trope explored Animorphs-style or to feature an idea for One Single Book.
This is a series thatâs episodic and has a very limited overall story arc because of how childrenâs literature in the 90s was structured - these books are closer to The Saddle Club, Sweet Valley High, Animal Ark, or The Baby-Sittersâ Club than they are to Harry Potter or A Series of Unfortunate Events. Mertil and Gafinilan donât get to be in more than one book because theyâre not established in the main cast or the supporting cast, I donât think that itâs solely got anything to do with their being gay.
âGafinilan has AIDS, this is a book about AIDS, and thatâs homophobic!â
Okay, this is⌠hard. First, yes, Gafinilan does have a terminal illness. Yes, Gafinilan is gay. No, Soolaâs Disease is not AIDS.
I have two responses to this, and Iâll attack them in order of their occurrence in my thought. First, thereâs coded AIDS diseases all over genre fiction, especially genre fiction from that era, because the AIDS epidemic made a massive impact on public life and fundamentally changed both how the public perceived illness and queerness and how queer people themselves experienced it. I was too young to live through it, but my dadâs college roommate was out, and my dad himself has a lot of friends who he just ceases to talk about if the conversation gets past 1986 or so - this was devastating and it got examined in art for more reasons than âgay people all have AIDSâ, and I dislike the implication that the only reason it could ever appear was as a tired stereotype or a message that Being Queer Means Death. Gafinilan is kind, fond of flowers, and fond of children - heâs multifaceted, and heâs got a terminal illness. Those kinds of people really exist, and they arenât Bad Rep.
Second off, Soolaâs Disease? Really isnât AIDS. Itâs a congenital genetic illness that develops over time, cannot be transmitted, and does not carry a serious stigma the way AIDS did. Gafinilan also has access to a cure - he could become a nothlit and no longer be afflicted by it, even if itâs considered somewhat dishonorable to go nothlit to escape that way. Thatâs not AIDS, and in fact at no point in my read and rereads did I assume that his having a terminal illness was supposed to be a commentary on homosexuality until I found out that other people were assuming it.
âMertil losing his tail means heâs lost his masculinity, and thatâs bad because heâs gay! Thatâs homophobic!â
so this is another one Iâve gotta hardcore disagree with, because while Mertil is one of two Very Obviously Queer Characters, heâs not the only character who loses something fundamental about himself, or even loses access to sexual and/or romantic capability in ways he was familiar with.
Tobias and Arbron both get ripped out of their ordinary normal lives by going nothlit in bad situations, and while they both wind up finding fulfillment and freedom despite that, itâs still traumatic, even more for Arbron Iâd say than for Tobias. And on a psychological level, none of the main cast is left unmarked or free of trauma or free of deep change thanks to the bad things that have happened to them - theyâre no less fundamentally altered than Mertil, even if itâs mental rather than physical. And yes, tail loss is equated with castration or emasculation, but that doesnât automatically mean Mertil suffering it is tied to his homosexuality and therefore the takeaway weâre intended to have is âBeing gay is tragic and makes you less of a manâ. This is a series where bad shit happens to everyone, and enduring losses that take away things central to oneâs self-conception or identity or body is just part of the story.
Also, frankly? Plenty of IRL disabled people have to grapple with a loss of sexual function, and again, theyâre not Bad Rep just because theyâre messy.
âAndalite society is confusingly written in this book, and the disability aspects are clearly just a coverup for the gay stuff!â
Andalite society is canonically sexist, a bit exceptionalist and prejudiced in their own favor, and pretty contradictory and often challenged internally on its own norms. In essence, itâs a pretty ordinary society, and theyâre really realistic as sci-fi races go. It makes sense from that perspective that Andalites would tolerate scarring or a lost stalk eye or a lost skull eye, but not tolerate serious injuries that significantly impact your perceived quality of life. Ableism is like that - itâs not one-size-fits-all. I look at Axâs reactions and I see a lot of my own family and friendsâ behaviors - this vibes with my understanding of prejudice, you know?
âMertil and Gafinilan have a tragic ending, which means the story is saying that being gay dooms you to tragedy!â
Mertil and Gafinilan have the best possible ending that they could ask for? They are victims of the war, they are suffering because of the war, they get the same cocktail of trauma and damage that every other soldier gets. But unlike Jake and Tobias and Marco, unlike Elfangor, unlike Aximili? Their ending comes in peace, in their own home. Gafinilan isnât dying alone, heâs got the love of his life with him. Mertil isnât going to be as isolated anymore, heâs got Marco for a friend. Animorphs is a tragedy, itâs not a happy story, itâs not something that guarantees a beautiful sunshine-and-roses ending for everyone, and I love tragedy, and so I will fight for this story. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it deserved better. But itâs not less meaningful just because itâs sad. Nobody is entitled to anything in this book, and itâs just as true for these two as it is for anyone else.
âItâs not cool that the only canonically gay characters in this series donât get to be happy and trauma-free and unblemished Good Rep!â
This is one I can kind of understand, and Iâll give some ground to it, because it is sucky. The only thing Iâll say is that I stand by my argument that nothing that happens to Mertil and Gafinilan is unusual compared to what happens to the rest of the cast, and that their ending is way happier than Rachel and Tobiasâs, or Jake and Cassieâs. But itâs a legitimate point of frustration, and the one argument Iâll say I agree has validity.
(Though, I also want to point out that I think there are plenty of equally queercoded characters in the story who arenât Mertil and Gafinilan - Tobias, Rachel, Cassie, and Marco all get at least one or two moments that signal to me that theyâre potentially LGBT+, not to mention Mr. Tidwell and Illim in #29 and their long-term domestic partnership. Thereâs no reason to assume that the only queer people here are those two aliens when Marcoâs descriptions of Jake exist.)
âMarco uses slurs and reduces Gafinilanâs whole identity to his illness!â
Technically, yes, this is true, except putting it that way strips the whole passage of its context. Marco is discussing the boxes society puts you into, the ones you donât have a choice about facing or escaping. Heâs talking about negative stereotypes and reductive generalizations, heâs referring to them as bad things that you get inflicted upon you by an outside world or by friends who donât know the whole story or the real you. The slurs he uses are real slurs that get thrown at people still, and theyâre not okay, and the point is that theyâre not okay but assholes are going to call you by them anyway. He ends by saying âyou just have to learn to live with itâ, and since this is coming from a fifteen-year-old Latino kid who we know is picked on by bullies for all sorts of reasons and who faces racism and homophobia? He knows what heâs talking about. Heâs bitter about whatâs been said and done, heâs not stating it like itâs a good thing.
Yes, absolutely, this speech is a product of its time, but itâs a product of its time that speaks of defiance and says âWe arenât what weâre said to be,â and in the year this was published? Thatâs a good message.
tl;dr The Other is good, actually, and Mertil and Gafinilan are incredible characters who deserve all the love they could possibly get.
#animorphs#animorphs meta#mertil/gafinilan#mertil#gafinilan#mertil-iscar-elmand#gafinilan-estrif-valad
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Hello fellow arven stan/simp, I have a question if you donât mind. Does he have trauma or just mom/dad issues or both? Because the way the game goes over it makes it seem like yes it was a bad event, but he was able to grow as a person and find himself through it, along with making new friends, and from what !!VERY LITTLE!! I know about trauma (as someone whose experienced it) I think itâs an event or a response to an event that changes how you respond to other stuff/how you act, and I donât think that happens with him. I could very well be wrong though! And I donât want to come across as trying to invalidate trauma, or say characters canât have trauma, Iâm just genuinely curious/unsure and also really really want him to be okay. My apologies if this was long or weird or both! Have a great day/night!!
OH MY GOSH OKAY
So
Spoilers ahead, obviously, we're deep diving into an Arven character inspection
I definitely feel that Arven absolutely does have s0me trauma
However because Pokemon is considered and marketed as a children's game, it's glossed over and not all that obvious/explained, since even in these times talk of trauma is often taboo, especially in children's games
But for the older audiences who knows more about cause and effect, and mental health, it's easier to spot and think about
Arven absolutely has trauma, how could he not? He has what could possibly be abandonment issues and trauma from what's essentially neglect. It was said that his parent was more often than not unavailable emotionally and physically due to being very engrossed in their research, leaving Arven to basically grow up on his own, teaching himself how to cook and take care of Maschiff/Mabostiff. This is very possibly why Arven is very closed off in the beginning; he was never given a proper example of how to socialize and accept attention. And because of his parents lack of attention this could have caused him to have some resentment for others, especially those who do have active parents.
I wasn't necessarily neglected as a child but I was very lonely and didn't receive as much attention as my brother and sister did, and growing up I was very much jealous of those who had very attentive parents, so that's why I think Arven may think this way as well
And then moving into his relationship with Mabostiff, he's certainly got some trauma involving him. It was said that Mabostiff had gotten seriously injured in Area Zero, that's why Arven went on the quest for the Herba Mystica. Arven is canonically young, a teenager, so he must've been even younger when Mabostiff got injured. His best and only friend had gotten critically injured and crippled, there's no way that did not scar Arven.
There's certainly going to be unresolved trauma with Arven and his parent, after all he had been neglected and when he thought he was going to finally give them a piece of his mind, he finds out that they had actually died and the current professor is nothing more than an AI. One who tells him his parent did certainly love him and would be very proud of who he's grown into. One who look and sounds just like his and gone into Paradise Protection Protocol. Even if it's a children's game, it's obvious that the PPP was made to eliminate any threat to the research. And I don't think I have to explain what eliminate means in this situation.
But a thing that I find super interesting is that in SV, Arven does indeed work through it and finds support and stability through the friends he's made. Even going through the effort to forgive and rebuild a more positive relationship with Koraidon/Miraidon as the titan storyline progresses. And after the main storyline, Arven goes on a personal quest to learn more about himself and where he came from, even wanting to learn more about his mom/dad.
To put it simply; yes, Arven has both trauma and mommy/daddy issues. He certainly will of course have issues dealing with it in the future, trauma like that isn't a one-and-done issue, but he's handling it amazingly well and of course he has you there to help support him through it :)
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I posted 2,911 times in 2022
That's 2,911 more posts than 2021!
149 posts created (5%)
2,762 posts reblogged (95%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@whumpsday
@whumpwillow
@whump-queen
@oddsconvert
@emcscared-whumps
I tagged 2,217 of my posts in 2022
Only 24% of my posts had no tags
#whump - 1,372 posts
#whump prompts - 576 posts
#whump writing - 343 posts
#whump art - 180 posts
#villain whump - 156 posts
#kira talks - 148 posts
#whumper turned whumpee - 98 posts
#saving for later - 97 posts
#vampire whump - 92 posts
#oc isaac - 70 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#and telling someone that they should be locked up in a mental hospital is horribly insenstive to everyone that is in one or has been in one
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
me, who doesnât know shit about committing crimes: yeah, Iâm gonna write a story about a bunch of people who commit crimes and get away with it all the time
80 notes - Posted November 6, 2022
#4
Whumper who plans where to inflict every scar and bruise on Whumpeeâs body. They sprinkle extra blood on Whumpeeâs wounds. They restrain Whumpee in an awkward position that puts all their injuries on display.
And they tell Whumpee, âYou, my dear, are my most beautiful creation.â
88 notes - Posted April 12, 2022
#3
Iâve been sorta obsessed with the phrase âYouâre not going to dieâ in a whump context lately. Like, itâs so versatile. So good in so many situations.Â
Maybe a caretaker is saying it to comfort a scared whumpee. Maybe itâs whumpeeâs last words to caretaker before giving themself up to whumper for caretakerâs sake. Maybe itâs said by whumpee to whumper once the tables have turned, to inform whumper that whumpeeâs revenge is going to be very long and very painful. And thereâs probably so many other contexts that I havenât even thought about too. Iâd go crazy for all of them.Â
208 notes - Posted April 8, 2022
#2
Thereâs something so appealing to me about captivity whump, to the point that I pretty much put it in all my whump stories. And I think itâs cuz thereâs something so soul-crushing about the monotony of captivity and repeated pain. And the fact that the whumpee often canât escape it easily at all. Maybe they never will. (At least, thatâs an possibility in the characterâs head.)
Itâs a horrible cycle that theyâre trapped in, and no matter how much they want to escape it, no matter how much they actually try, every day they wake up in the same place and the same situation.
And god itâs just chefâs kiss. Definitely one of my favorite ways to break a fictional character: hurt them over and over again and chip away at all the hope until thereâs nothing left, except the parts you want <2
220 notes - Posted October 12, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
As much as I love whumpees with permanent scars,,, I also really love the idea of a whumpee that doesnât have any scars.
- Like a whumpee who didnât get physically hurt, or a whumpee who has fast healing that got rid of any scars.
- Does anyone believe what they went through when they donât have the physical scars to show for it? Maybe even caretaker believes that theyâre lying or exaggerating.
- Can whumpee even convince themself that they went through it? Do they wonder whether it was all just a vivid dream or their imagination? But it felt so real⌠and they have the trauma to prove it.
- Does whumpee try to pretend nothing ever happened? Go back to their old life or start a new one and try to return to normal life? Their friends and family might notice somethingâs changed in whumpee, but they wonât talk about what happened.
Well. I might have to write something like this.
374 notes - Posted July 27, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review â
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#I hate like all my top posts lol#mostly cuz they keep getting notes. and eventually I get tired of seeing them in my notifs
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I can't believe you posted CI5 whump... I've become totally obsessed. Especially the episode 'discovered in a graveyard'. Also, although there's some great whump in the last episode of season 1, I feel pretty weird about enjoying whump from an episode which is discussing racism in such a vivd and open way. It's amazing that they were discussing this stuff in the 1970s, even if the episode never got aired. How do you feel about it?
Also, I was wondering if you've seen any Inspector George Gently whump, seeing as Martin Shaw gets whumped in that a few times too. Seems like the kinda thing you would enjoy
Ahhhhhh Profs CI5 is my fav I've never been so hooked on a series myself!
I love Insp George Gently 110% funny enough I saw that before Profs CI5 and didnt know for a while why Doyle/Martin Shaw seemed so familiar lol OK I have no problem discussing it my opinion isn't always popular or appreciated but I'm more than willing to give it :)
Ep spoilers and topic discussion đ
Firstly Klansmen ep is one of the best for whump isnt it?! not many have the boys both whumped and separated unable to help the other!
Secondly in relation to the topic, is it a very heavy ep, oh yeah.
Should you feel weird liking it?
I don't think so at all, this series pulls no punches when getting into topics esp topics that were new for the time including but not limited to: drug addiction (new drugs where on the streets like heroin), prostitution (the various victims and abusers/users), alcoholism, metal illness, homosexuality/gay (not having been legal for long) etc, they show it in as much a reality as a TV show can, it's not pretty it's not clean and it's hard to watch as it should be, so why wouldn't they show racism in the same way
If they'd made it a soft ep it wouldn't carry the same weight as the ep does in my opinion.
Like all topics you get to see a lot of character stress/trauma and even growth which I think is a big part of it as well particularly with Bodie in that ep, if you watch the series everyone knows he has no issues with Blacks but scars from his SAS and mercenary days sometimes show through and I feel this ep helps move passed that a bit as well he goes from using terms that Cowley and Doyle disapprove of to being saved by the Black Doctor and Nurses who deal with his fever induced ramblings and in the conclusion you see Bodie walk away a better person.
I also really felt the way the Doctor and nurse were handled was perfect no matter what he said in his delirium they did what they could to save him and you got to see her face when it started but she never stopped doing her job caring for him. Also in that ep you get the different POV of the locals effected by the baddies attacks you see the fear, physical harm, and death inflicted which is another important point they show its not just looked out from an outsider.
Then in the finale the plot twist showing a man selling out his own ppl funding a hate group for the gains the housing they take over brings.
Never to leave out Doyle ofc his role in this ep while on his own nearly the whole time showed his experience having worked in the rougher parts of the city pre-CI5 how he has a better understanding of the inner city and how he built trust in those days shines through in his interactions with the kid saving him then busting the whole setup.
To try and sum it up I think it is one of the most important eps to watch it happened at the "perfect" time in the series you know the boys enough not to judge reactions in the same way while also witnessing a redemption story of Bodie and then move on to the rest of the series.
Sorry for the long winded talk if I didnt cover or explain something right please feel free to drop in my inbox :)
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TRUE BEAUTY; TRUE SCARS VS FALSE MASKS
I'm actually surprised I have a new Korean drama to fall for before the end of the year. After testing out what's available, True Beauty feels like the one for me. I was going to watch it regardless of if it made me analyse because it's directed by Extraordinary You PD. I love how he shows the plot of his shows, his romances are always soft yet angsty, and they make you feel so many emotions whilst laughing and smiling and perhaps swooning over certain second leads and protagonists. After Start-Up I swore of love triangles, and yet True Beauty comes with just that, yet I'm having so much fun watching this show for the past 3 weeks, and it's been a ride. It's precisely what the title says it's focused on True Beauty. The actual meaning of beauty and perspectives on what is truly beautiful and what's not, the psychological trauma of being someone perceived as not socially pleasing to the world, and being forced to hide to survive the harsh environment. It's an emotional look into another teenage drama, full of angst, romance, self-love, and self-acceptance. I'm enjoying it a lot, and my heart has been tugged at each episode, so I'm not saying True Beauty is my full focus, but I have spoken about it here, and from episode 5 and 6, I somehow have a lot to say. Â So let's get into it
True Scars vs False Masks
True Beauty episode 5 and 6 focus on the effect of PTSD and trauma symptoms which each of our main characters have to go through. Apart from Seojun, who has his own frustrations and pains connected to the overarching plot, but not as pronounced as these three.
Kyung, Suho and Soojin are triggered by certain parts of their memories, making them afraid, broken down, and self-hating. The first thing to mention when focusing on Kyung's ideology of true beauty. Kyung may think that being seen as beautiful is the only way to make her self survive her own past traumas, but the two perceived beautiful people who are praised and known for having everything by their peers, Â are just as scared, suffering and hurt by the world as she is. All by the cruelty and insensitiveness of different people in their lives.
Ju Kyung: The mask of Beauty
Kyung is forced to relieve yet again her trauma as a bully victim when she bumps into the girl. The very bully that caused her to finally break down and wear her mask for protection. One thing to notice in episode 5/6 Â as she takes care of Seojuns sister; she realised that wearing a mask isn't the right way to live comfortably and she questions why she can't have the same confidence and inspiration in her self to be brave. Â Which is what people would quickly want to say about her situation, just love your self, only trust your self, just be your self. Still, as we've seen from the past episodes, the reason is that when her mask is uncovered, and she's her true self, her past comes to find her and the people who cruelly lowered her down to nothing before their eyes, who proceeded to hurt and abuse her because of how she looks. The girl who likes to emotionally have control over Kyung's self-esteem like a leash she can't escape from, Â people like her that can't stand to see Kyung be happy with her skin, Â is why it's even more painful when Suho tells her that he's doing all he does for her as pity it's heart-breaking. It makes her feel even more inferior because she's being a burden to the guy, she's come to have feelings for, and it's still because of her looks in a way. Because he's the first person who knows her real face under her mask of makeup.
Itâs not just the bullies that do this to her, that make her feel so ashamed and guilty for wanting to just be her self. People who sheâs close to, her ex best friend betrayed her because of this issue, (to avoid being bullied) and her mother is harsh and cruel beyond words, always breaking her self esteem, ignoring her childâs plight when she could actually be of help to her, and mocking her every time just cause she isnât smart. Her mother proceeds to not understand the real trauma in her daughterâs life, not even knowing or taking it seriously that there was a time where Kyung almost gave up everything and took her life, just because of how exhausted she was by what society was making her think about her true self.Â
When Suho said that I was so agitated and disappointed. When cruel and forced to wear his own mask of coldness, Suho can be harsh and ruthless. However, it still felt problematic to me because he knows how sensitive Kyung is about her looks, how much she suffered because of it, he's the one who saw her almost choose to take her own life because of it and he's also seen her try desperate attempts to avoid it. To cruelly say it's because of pity that he's been doing all he did by her side and she's being a bother; it's upsetting and just annoying. I'm annoyed that he still refuses to communicate with her properly about it, tell her it's not because of pity and she's not a problem.
To come to her house/ accept her mother's invitation and act like he's not told her she's a burden is just upsetting and it's exhausting because she doesn't want to keep on feeling like she owes him because he's hiding her secret about her looks. It's also sad because you realise that it must have broken her heart more because when she felt she had someone on her team who saw her without her mask and chose to be there for her, help her and understand her, this same person threw her away saying she was a weight to him. When she finally felt she was able to be herself and like her self without her mask, she deserved to be free without making up, especially his last words to her before he switched himself off, was that she was beautiful without makeup. That one quote, that one stance, and one act of support for her meant everything. Yet her one source of defence and her foundation to bounce back from her worries and fears rejected her and told her she wasn't important; her presence was upsetting him.
Again Kyung is forced to think that what she needs to do to survive is to be beautiful to wear her mask; it's the only way she will be accepted. That's what Suho harsh words did to her, and despite that, she still ran to him to be his defence and protection. They both do the same thing for each other; if you notice Suho protects her always when she's at her worst broken down and without her mask of beauty. Suho is protected by her finding him and literally shielding him with her warmth and comfort letting him know he's not alone and he's understood.
Suho: The mask of Coldness
Before I focus on their dynamic though back to masks and scars. The reason why Kyung runs to Suho is where the plot for his PTSD symptoms comes in. Suho without the act is also broken, guilty and tired of people refusing to listen to him. His issue is that whilst people see his richness and privileges as a positive for him, they're his source of guilt and pain. His mask is to push people off and not expect or trust things with people, because of this he's seen as the guy who's unreachable in a good way, attractive and has it all and everyone wants his attention and needs to beg for it. His mask works for him, so he doesn't seem vulnerable, and he doesn't let people easily break him.
But we know he's exceptionally vulnerable because of the guilt of Seyeon having symptoms of PTSD, panic attacks, broken and self-hating. The cruelness of the world isn't attacking him like Kyung, but it's using him as a tool to hurt others well that's what he believes anyway. His dad is powerful and intense and leads to people feeling broken as Seyeon, and they take drastic measures to end it. The school praises him and lets him get away with stuff if he gets in a scuffle but they hurt others more harshly just by looking at their background and status, they did this to Seojun when they got in a fight in episode 4.
No matter what happened, Suho has never been able to get away from the price that came with his reputation and status. It cost him so much at the end it made him lose his closest friend, and it made him lose himself to the guilt of not being able to be the person everyone wanted him to be for not being able to reach that 'divine'' Suho reputation people give him.
For him, being with him hurts people, and so he pushes Kyung away harshly and wears a mask of coldness and harshness to prevent people wanting or expecting things from him and to make sure he wallows in his guilt alone. Without his mask, Suho is just a boy lost, frightened and traumatised. He's broken by what's happened, and with Kyung not only does she help him, but she also does when they first meet.
 She unintentionally provides him with a way to speak out his feelings and save her the way he couldn't do to his friend, but also she's there for him even during times she shouldn't be; she runs and finds him, she lets him cry and breakdown, and she understands him with a few words. She knows what it's like to be afraid and broken, and she knows why it's like to feel like no one understands your pain.
Both she and Suho understand each other because they've been hurt and exhausted each time something from the past comes to remind them of the guilt of being who they are and wallowing in self-hate and disgust. It's so heartbreaking, but they both run to each other time and time again at their most needed moment.
Soo Jin: The mask of Strength
Someone else with the same issues that also proves to Kyung that the beauty she craves/ the reputation to be seen as having it all isn't great; is Soo Jin. Whilst on the surface sheâs incredible, sheâs powerful, fights for everyone, protects Kyung like a knight in shining armour, is protective of all her friends, uses her strengths to help others, and ensure people arenât looked down on, or broken down.Â
Soo-Jin is also put into the same situation as Kyung and Suho, she's also broken down mentally, physically and emotionally. She's had her self esteem be destroyed repeatedly; for never getting to the top except she is always on top. She's the girl who has everything, like Suho her mask is the girl who has everything sorted, she's kind but harsh to the right people, she's protective because she doesn't like bullies and cruelty. She's intelligent and also beautiful naturally as Kyung puts it.
Still, her mask of strength is unveiled when you realise she's forced to put up with a bigger bully her own father, he's cruel, abusive and degrades her by physical violence. It's heart-breaking. To have the control, she repeatedly tries to wash her hands clean to the point they're raw and dry when she stressed and terrified. When she's broken and scared, she tries to restart again, washes her hands clean and starts again making her self anew, making her mind anew, and becoming stronger.Â
Her washing her hands mindlessly is the only time we see her without her mask, and no one can see her scars on the apparent parts they're hidden on her hands dry and cracked and easily misunderstood as dryness or mistake. Easily the part of the body that's not noticed at first.
Cruelty, Scars and Trauma
That's the thing with scars in this show and PTSD. Â Kyung's mask covers up the acne scars that people have hurt her because of. Â Yet now those scars are actively hidden under her makeup and guise of beauty, she has those external scars but also mental scars about how she looks she's been forced to a mindset where seeing her self in the mirror automatically gives her shivers, makes her terrified and go into self-hating phase. She's been forced to hide who she truly is because that was taken away from her by bullies because of her looks.' it just sucks and hurts.
Suho's mask covers his internal scars and burdens placed on him, you won't think he's broken or hurting from his past because his mask of coldness which makes everyone think he uses the status and reputation for his strength instead of loathing it. Suho's internal scars have made him become someone who's closed off, distrustful and harsh sometimes and no one understands it, they take it the wrong way, staying away from him. For example Seojun it's Suho's mask that made him think Suho was despicable and felt guiltless when in reality every single word SeoJun said to Suho about wanting him to never be happy until after he dies, about making sure he never has a good time because of Seoyeon just drives deeper with that self-hate. Disgust, Suho has for himself; it's like Seojun keeps repeatedly stabbing his wounds all over again. When he appears the issues increase even more if you've noticed, Suho's symptoms of PTSD increased because Seojun had started to actively make him go back to feeling guilty and remind him of the choice he made to push people away. Seojun playing a role in this is so upsetting, and it's made it hard for me to like his character as much as I did before.
The masks may cover up their scars in their minds and to others, but it won't make them free the way they want to be. These characters break my heart and have been through so much.
I'm loving this show. I think it gets better and more painful each episode, but it has the light moments, it touches your heart, and it makes you smile and cry so much. The romance between Suho and Kyung is also precious despite certain pauses in their growth because of their masks and miscommunications. However, the fact that they're each other's refuge to be free without their masks, to breath and to see each other the way others can't it's beautiful. Seojun's feelings for Kyung are also growing. I'm torn because I like his moments so much but thinking about emotional torment and pain he causes Suho, especially in these episodes isn't my cup of tea. Kyung sees him as a sibling right now, and I wonder if that's all she's ever goanna accept him as I actually want him and Soojin to be together at the end and Soojin is slowly getting into her role of second lead for Suho. I hope they don't use her hurt as a way to make her a villain. That's be sick if she breaks down because Suho likes Kyung not her like no let's avoid this storyline.
#true beauty#true beauty kdrama#kdrama#cha eunwoo#moon ga young#lee suho#im jukyung#cwg#december#han seojun
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A (long) analysis of Azriel,
+ a bit of discussion about Gwynriel vs. Elriel at the end.
Lately Iâve seen much discussion surrounding Azriel, and there seems to be a lot of hazy gray area. We know he has a terrible past, carries a lot of trauma, is both mentally and physically scarred, and has disturbingly possessive habits. But why? Thatâs the question.
I think most of Azrielâs character can be filtered into three sections: his anger, his possessiveness, and his self-loathing. Altogether I believe these form his crippling sense of emotional immaturity, which ultimately shines through most every action he makes in the books.
So yes, I firmly believe Az is a child in the body of a 500 year old Fae. But is he treated as such? No. No, he is not. In fact, heâs treated as the exact opposite, and that canât be doing wonders for his mental health (which is already in shambles. Off to a cheery start.)
Letâs take a look at his past. He was both mentally and physically abused for the majority of his childhood. Then he was thrown into an unforgiving culture that both mentally and physically abused him as well. Then he was essentially bullied by Cassian and Rhysand for quite a while... until they randomly decided to like him, which is a choice he didnât seem to play a hand in. And then he became a professional torturer. All the while falling madly in love and becoming obsessed with a female who canât love him back. Not to mention heâs been ostracized his entire life.
(One big thing though, that Iâm going to reference frequently, is Azrielâs constant chase of âhappiness.â Kind of like my friends with ADHD. We squeeze all the serotonin we can get out of one thing and then fall into a listless, depressed haze until we find another. I honestly think Azriel does the same thing with people--he latches onto them and lets his mood swings rely on how much attention they do or do not pay him, and whether it is positive or negative.)
So Iâm going to go through his relationships with pivotal characters and try to explain what I think is really going on with Azriel.
Regarding Mor:
He was obsessed with her for most of his life. He was incredibly possessive of her and fell instantly in love upon seeing her. Do I think it was love? No. But does Azriel think it was love? Yes, and that is so important. It shows how desperate he was for human connection.
This âloveâ spiraled into centuries-long obsession that weâve all seen play out throughout the series. But why is it obsession, and not love? Well, Iâm going to go ahead and say that Azriel doesnât know how to love. Heâs never been shown genuine love and so he doesnât know how to show it to others in the way he intends. Heâs basically a baby.
But right after he falls head over heels, Mor sleeps with Cassian, and then Cassian plays the role of the buffer between the two of them all the way up until the events of ACOSF. This is where I think Azrielâs anger comes into play. He canât get to Mor. His best friend, his brother, is blocking him from her. He canât touch her, love her, feel her, and heâs so desperate to. But he literally has no way to communicate it because he doesnât know how, and so he responds in the one way heâs able: anger. And jealousy. And intense protectiveness that eventually begins to translate as possessiveness.
Again, he lets his happiness rely on Mor because he canât make himself happy, and so his lack of emotional maturity ends up revealing him as desperate and unable to communicate his feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Iâm not trying to justify his behavior, not at all. But I think this could be a decent explanation.
Regarding Cassian and Rhysand:
I mean... I kind of hate the way these two have treated Azriel. They all have their fair share of trauma, but Cassian and Rhys also bullied him and ostracized him, and then basically said, âOh, we like you now.â Which completely leaves Azriel in the dark as to where he stands with them, and strips him of awareness regarding how his friendships with them will operate.
And then he becomes the head of espionage for the Night Court, which involves lots and lots of torture. What kind of message does that send? Youâve seen dirty things, Az, so you donât mind doing the rest of the dirty things for us, right? Thatâs the only real message I can get from this. Which then plants the message in Azrielâs head of: Not only do I do dirty things, I myself am a dirty, disgusting thing. Thus, furthering his already deep-seated sense of self-loathing.
Plus, the IC generally operates with a pack-like mindset. One personâs method of healing is everyoneâs method of healing. It worked for one person, so it worked for everyone. Itâs a very naive mindset, and very toxic as well, so itâs not surprising that literally everyone in the IC is colossally messed up despite preaching themselves as having overcome their demons.
So Azriel never really gets to understand himself and mature as a person. Heâs stuck pretending to be perfectly fine underneath Rhysandâs oh-so-benevolent and compassionate hand. Rhysand and Cassian recognize Az as being a little... odd, by seeming to think things like âheâs the quiet oneâ and âheâs the serious, scary one.â But do they attempt to understand him? No. They leave him to his own devices and let him figure it out himself.
Thatâs the issue. Heâs not ever going to figure it out himself, so long as heâs surrounded by the people whoâve been unwittingly suffocating him for most of his life.
Regarding Elain:
Azrielâs infatuation with Elain, in my opinion, comes as a direct result of his detachment from Mor. Just like one hyperfixation fades quickly from an all-consuming thing to a passing thought, Azriel has shifted from one obsession to the next, in order to keep his spirits on a high.
But I think his feelings for Elain reveal a lot of what Mor did not. Why does he view Elain as so holy compared to him? Why is he so hesitant to touch her? Why does he put her on such a pedestal? Thatâs his self-loathing coming through again. He hates himself so much that he has to place her above him.
He wants to touch her and love her, just as he did with Mor, but again he is unable. It's a repeating pattern that he canât get himself out of.
Letâs also look at the way Elain and Azrielâs friendship/relationship began. He had to take care of her, and treat her with utmost respect. She looked at his scars or his siphons, both monstrous looking things, and called them beautiful. Letâs remember that heâs basically a child whoâs rarely known genuine love. The minute he gets a glimpse of it, heâs going to grab it by the neck and crush it to his chest. Plus, the fact that sheâs the last sister left unattached and heâs the last brother left unattached is probably even more convincing for him that he and Elain are meant for each other. When heâs denied this love thatâs come nearly close enough to grab, he responds in the only way heâs able: anger. And jealousy. Just like he did with Mor.
But moving on, that glimpse of potential love comes from Elain. Thatâs why heâs able to let go of Mor; a relationship with Elain suddenly becomes possible. Heâs terrified of ruining this potential love and is incredibly drawn to her all the same. Best of all? She wants him too.
BUT. Azriel knows how fragile Elain is, so he walks on glass around her, coddling her, putting her first like heâs put everyone else first since being a part of the IC. I think he wants to save her from becoming like him. He essentially plays the role of her white knight, entirely losing his sense of self-preservation (not that he ever had one), and thus loses any chance of letting Elain help him mature in return.
Regarding Gwyn:
Now, Gwyn is a different story.
We know Azriel likes her. Maybe not in a consciously romantic way, but he likes her. She makes him smile and laugh, and he finds her amusing. He doesnât have to walk on eggshells around her.
The big thing, I think, is that he doesnât have to take care of her. At least, I think thatâs what makes him so comfortable around her. With Gwyn, he can relax, and he doesnât have to watch every move he makes. She treats him like a regular person and he treats her similarly.
Now, is it a bad thing that he doesnât put her on a saint-like pedestal like he does Elain? No. Definitely not. I think this ordinary friendship signals a much healthier relationship than his festering obsession with Elain. Gwyn simply being his friend and not someone that he feels he has to be perfect for is a good foundation for Azriel growing as a person.
Gwynriel vs. Elriel (the necklace):
Honestly, Iâm scared for whatever SJM decides to do, because Azriel has a shitload of trauma to move past and years worth of emotional growth needed before he can be a steady partner in a relationship. Both Gwyn and Elainâs character arcs are definitely not finished and so I think that no matter which way his narrative goes, itâs going to be disappointing in some aspect or another, unfortunately. I donât think that either one of the femalesâ arcs really fit well with Azrielâs.
But Iâm going to take a closer look at the necklace, because I think itâs a telling narrative point.
For Azriel, the necklace for Elain and Gwyn herself, are both âthing[s] of secret, lovely beautyâ to him.
By describing the necklace for Elain as such (instead of Elain herself), Azriel unconsciously reveals his more idealistic view of Elain rather than his love for Elain herself. I kind of get the sense of Azriel giving offerings to a goddess, or something like that. He seems to be more preoccupied with appeasing Elain than actually loving her.
Now, this probably comes from, again, his self-loathing and his emotional immaturity. Iâm just repeating myself at this point. He doesnât know how to love himself and he doesnât know how to love anyone else.
But then he describes Gwyn as such. Gwyn, the person. In my opinion, this demonstrates a potentially much healthier relationship than what he has with Elain. Azriel, instead of wanting to be perfect for Gwyn and wanting to appease her, is simply made happy by the thought of her. It is Gwyn whom he is taken with, not the idea of Gwyn loving him. And so that takes off so much pressure for him, and introduces the hope that he might be able to mature as a person in a friendship or romantic relationship with Gwyn.
Closing thoughts:
Azriel is a blundering, hormonal child desperate for love with no idea of how to get it, in a 500 year old Faeâs body. Heâs also surrounded by people who refuse to address his clear issues... his futureâs pretty dim, and I think he realizes it. Which is why whoever SJM chooses to be his romantic interest is going to be very important.
In short, Iâm scared for whatâs to come. But fingers crossed that his incredibly complex character is done justice.
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I love Cobra Kai, it's my Cringey Bad Show With Moments Of Brillanceâ˘.
(long-ass gushing/rant and spoilers ahead)
Cobra Kai requires constant suspension of disbelief, it doesn't have the best pacing, half the humor is horrendous, the character writing is often stupid as shit, it's such a dumb show!
It also has insanely satisfying setup-payoffs, good dramatic irony, it's at its funniest when it's self-aware and laughing of itself, which it does gladly, and it goes to the trouble of giving you gray characters who go through multi-seasons arcs to better themselves (or the opposite). It's such a fun show!
And very importantly in today's media landscape, it pulls off being the necromantic resurrection of a beloved 80s franchise. It could easily have kept the black-and-white naive, squeaky-clean tone of the Karate Kid movies, but it said "Fuck it" from the first episode. It respects its KK roots but expands on them, adds depth and layers it didn't have to. Does it always do it well? Hell no. But seriously, this show didn't need to make that effort. With its premise, it had no right to be that good.
Obviously the show leans heavily on nostalgia, but it manages not to be a total nostalgia fest and brings some interesting things to the table.
Now, having just finished S5 (a lame season, but which had moments that made me cheer and curse out loud), I want to say how much I love how dark CK can get.
Like, it starts easy. A bullied kid, some teenagers slugging it karate-style at a school dance, a tournament to tell who's the winner. Then the brawls get less and less funny. There's slut-shaming. More kids get involved, more get hurt. A teenager gets his spine broken in his high school staircase. This is more the real world than KK, so you've got kids going to juvie for their actions, others who are scarred and traumatized for life.
Then the show goes further. Adults are involved in this now. They beat each other up directly and by proxy through children. There's breaking and entering, destruction of homes, arson. An adult sexually harasses a teenage girl in a precarious living situation. Vietnam veterans' trauma and domestic violence get discussed. There's physical and psychological abuse and manipulation left and right, between adults, between teens, from adults to kids. A grown man destroys another's hard-earned mental health because he feels lonely. There's assault and attempted murder. Kids breaking each other's bones in public settings.
And season 5! The violence keeps escalating. It's the only language some of these kids know by now. And the adults who taught them are just as traumatized and wrapped up in it and they can't stop either. There's arson again, people's lives are getting ruined by what started as a petty rivalry. A teenager is forced to injure herself to prove her loyalty by a group of adults who won't let her leave. A man teaches a child a karate strike that can break a ribcage and suffocate an oponent, and the only reason it doesn't happen is the child in question isn't strong enough yet, but he tries. You've got a sword fight and a man left to bleed out in a pool. A group of four men trying to beat one to death because they've been ordered to. A guy gets his finger cut off. Constant child endangerement and serious injuries that are ignored, and the psychological toll of all that isn't even acknowledged by the characters most of the time.
And of course all ends well, wounds heal and nobody dies, and it's not even gory, but still, it gave me the chills. As someone who enjoys on-screen violence immensely, it's very rare that I wish said violence would stop. That show is unbelievable, ridiculously over-dramatic, cheesy, and also too fucking real sometimes. Like a guy who's always laughing and making jokes, and one day he has too many drinks and lets slip something that reveals how much trauma he's suppressing.
I love this show and these characters. Out of this huge ensemble cast, there's only one character I haven't changed my mind on from the beginning and gone from hating or loving them to the opposite. (and it has great ships for all tastes!!)
Anyway, season 5 was awfully bad. And I enjoyed it. I'm done talking about the karate soap opera on this tumblr for a while, I think.
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Faith, Buffy, Dreams, and Secret Kisses
This is one of my favourite scenes in the series. Partially because itâs just my personal jam - I admit that I am Fuffy trash, and I have a real love for dream sequences. Buffy had great dream sequences, but this is where they take a step up. Itâs a precursor to Restless in this regard and others. It feels weighty and meaningful, but also a little off and incongruent with itself, in that way that only dreams are. Lines are exchanged that donât quite follow as direct responses to each other, clashing in interesting ways. Itâs packed with foreshadowing, metaphor, and other juicy things. And beyond that, itâs a conclusion to Buffyâs entire arc this season about dealing with her shadow self, and it leads to what I think is the single most romantic moment in the series. I want to talk about this scene and unpack some of what I think itâs saying.
First of all, letâs talk about the setting. Weâre in Faithâs apartment, bought for her by the Mayor. Essentially, the villainâs lair, where the two Big Bads plotted their evil plans against our hero. But itâs also a set where we saw most of the bonding and semi-familial love between Faith and the Mayor. A place of both evil and love. And for Buffy, a place of trauma. This is where she makes the decision and takes the action to kill another human. I donât think she was unjustified in doing so, but itâs still an immensely traumatic act for her, and I think she loses a little part of herself when she does it. The location is very much a reflection of Faith, and Buffyâs relationship to her. I donât think Buffy loves Faith romantically at this point, but I think she cares about her, and remains concerned about her, and I think itâs fair to call that a kind of love. Faith is also evil, a figure of betrayal but also temptation to the âdark sideâ. And she is also a figure of trauma, clear deep-seated trauma that she fails to resolve, and just gets worse over the course of the season. Buffy is essentially inside her own relationship to Faith, inside a stadium of sin, trauma, love, and shattered glass. Faith looks out of the broken window that they fought through, and we are reminded that their relationship too is broken, unrepaired, littered with the detritus of conflict. Thereâs no going back from this - even in dreams that window remains broken, and their relationship will always have this damage.
The props too are an interesting choice. TPNâs video on Graduation Day pointed out the painting of a giant snake with a manâs head on the wall. More conflicting feelings here - the Mayor is Faithâs closest connection to humanity and love right now, and also the reason for her betrayal of Buffy. Her redemption and damnation. We also see boxes of various things piled up - including the crossbow that Faith stole in Bad Girls. The image of packing up a room into boxes makes me think of moving away as a student. We must remember that Buffy is graduating today, on the verge of packing her life away and taking it somewhere else, and this reminds us of that.
The first thing of real substance we see is the cat, which jumps up on Faithâs bed. This is one of the aspects of this dream in direct conversation with Restless, where a cat symbolises the Slayer - a specifically feminine, solitary predator that stalks the night. In Restless, we cut to Miss Kitty stalking the camera from shots of the First slayer stalking Willow. Here though, the intercut images are between the cat and Faith, lying bruised and helpless in a hospital. The cat (and the Slayer) is, as far as Buffy is concerned, not a danger but a creature in need of help.
Buffy: "Who's going to look after him?" Faith: "It's a she. And aren't these things supposed to take care of themselves?"
Theyâre very clearly talking about their respective approaches to slaying, and to life in general. Buffy tries to encourage ties to humanity, telling Faith back in Revelations that she is on Faithâs side. Faith retorts that she alone is on her side, and she repeats that sentiment here. But Buffy is obviously proved right - Faith is lying almost dead because she rejected all help and care.
Buffy: "A higher power guiding us?" Faith: "I'm pretty sure that's not what I meant."
If the cat is the Slayer in this conversation, then the âhigher power guiding usâ could refer to the Watchers. It makes sense that Buffy delivers this line with a little wry smile, given that sheâs just resigned herself from the Council. This allows a little bit of ambiguity in their debate - Buffy has taken on a little bit of Faithâs advice in emancipating herself and so making herself as the Slayer more self-reliant. The show agrees that that too is the right move. A little independence is good and healthy. What Faith means when she talks about âtaking care of herselfâ is not self-reliance or independence, but emotional hardness and self-marooning to avoid hurt. This is something that Buffy will continue to struggle with for the rest of the series. Faith is kind of right when she states that the Slayer is alone and must take care of herself, and itâs up to Buffy to find a healthy way of dealing with that.
"Oh yeah. Miles to go - Little Miss Muffet counting down from 7-3-0.â
The scene shifts a little, and we get some foreshadowing for Dawn (Little Miss Muffet), and for Buffyâs death (730 days from now). This is done with the the lighting too, as Faith faces the camera, and the light of the dawn hits her face, in a shot extremely similar to the end of The Gift.
Interestingly, Faith is repeatedly used in this way. In This Yearâs Girl, Faith talks about âlittle sis comingâ as she and Buffy make the bed in her first dream. In Restless, that scene gets a callback (âFaith and I just made that bedâ), in a scene that ends with the most anvilicious foreshadowing (âBe back before dawnâ), as well as a callback to the 7-3-0 line (âOh, that clockâs all wrongâ). In Graduation Day, Faith refers to Buffy as being âdressed up in big sisterâs clothesâ, however to me Faith has always felt more as being the âlittle sisterâ in this relationship. She looks up to Buffy yet is also deeply jealous of her. She wants to be Buffy, to have her friends, her life, the love of her mother. Sheâs kind of a precursor to Dawn in this respect, so it makes sense that sheâs a prophet for her coming.
Slayers having prophetic dreams is well-established, so it makes sense that a dream shared by two slayers would allow them to prophesise a little further ahead in time. Faith hints at this, remarking "Sorry, it's my head. A lot of new stuff.". You have to wonder what other ânew stuffâ Faith is becoming aware of. Perhaps a new perspective on everything Buffyâs been saying all season. Sharing a mind temporarily is often helpful in seeing anotherâs point of view. Faith does seem unusually thoughtful as she looks out of the broken window and remarks "They are never going to fix this, are they?".
This is perhaps my favourite line in the scene. Itâs a slight mislead, as it comes right as we get a flash of the cat-as-Faith in the foreground. So we assume itâs a reference to her own injuries, which she is expected to never recover from.
But the Faith thatâs talking isnât looking at her own body. Sheâs looking at the broken window. The symbol for her broken relationship with Buffy. She has become us, the audience, looking at Buffy and Faith and saying âboy, those crazy kids really are never going to work it out, are they?â. Itâs true for Faith, itâs true for Faith&Buffy, and itâs true for Buffy herself. When that knife entered Faithâs gut, all three were irrevocably changed forever. You can never put back the life you had before after itâs broken like that. All you can do is take what you can work with, and try to make something new.
Buffy: "What about you?" Faith: "Scar tissue. It fades. It all fades." Buffy confirms that the previous line was not about Faith specifically by asking âwhat about youâ, in a lovely expression of concern. After everything, Buffy does still care about Faith. Faithâs reply of âscar tissueâ is an obvious reference to the literal wound she is now carrying (emphasised by the shot of the knife that Buffy sees afterwards), but itâs interesting that she gestures to her face when she says this. It feels like a reference to her entire self. If we accept Faith as Buffyâs shadow self, then âscar tissueâ is an accurate description of her. As Buffy herself says, Faith is who she could be if her life was worse (or, perhaps, who she would be if she allowed the tragedies of her life to rule her). She is the part of Buffyâs unconscious self that is revealed after receiving violence. She is the physical proof of trauma. The self that remains after pain.Â
Buffy: âIs this your mind or mine?â Again, hitting that note of symbiosis; emphasising how inextricably tied these two characters are. The lines between their psyches are blurred to the point of no longer existing. This is such an intimate moment, almost sexual, with Buffy and Faith unable to tell where their own mind ends and another begins. Imagine the intimacy of that - entering anotherâs mental space and allowing them into yours, so wholly that they become one and the same. It becomes a mutual recognition of unity and shared pain, and an affirmation of the eternal divisions between them.
I love the ambiguity of the âhuman weaknessâ line too. One way we are invited to read it is that Faith is doing a heel-face turn, and intentionally giving Buffy the means to defeat the Mayor. But weâre not allowed anything that easy, to wash away Faithâs sins with a quick redemption before the climax. Faith has miles to go before she can achieve that. Itâs just as likely that Faith is talking about herself, and the human weakness that led her down a dark path, or that Buffy is talking about Faith through the Faith in her head, or Buffy is just working it out on her own, etc, etc. This is the information that saves the world, and I like that it remains an unknown. A permanent âmaybeâ, just as Buffy and Faithâs relationship is.Â
Buffy: "How are you going to fit all this stuff?" Faith: "Not gonna. It's yours." Buffy: "I can't use all of this!" Faith: "Just take what you need. You're ready?"
As the scene reaches its climax, we see the most obvious recitation of the seasonâs themes. S3 is about Buffy coming into conflict with her own shadow self, and here the show tells us how she does that - by taking what she needs. I mentioned earlier that we saw the crossbow from Bad Girls, from the âwant/take/haveâ scene. Here, Faith is telling her the same thing, but in a more healthy way. She cannot just hedonistically consume everything like a crazed id-monster, but she also cannot deny herself things that she needs.Â
Most importantly, the âstuffâ they are referring to is Faithâs, but as Faith says, itâs also Buffyâs. Everything that Faith is, Buffy is too, because she is her shadow self. Buffy must recognise this, accept it, and incorporate the shadow self into her own identity. She cannot be consumed by the shadow self and simply become Faith, allowing her shadow to consume her conscious personality (âhow are you going to fit all this stuff?â). Instead she must recognise her dark mirror, and take the healthy parts, and integrate them into herself as an individual (âtake what you needâ).
It is at this point of healing and merging between Buffyâs self and shadow self that Faith reaches out, almost touches her in an action that feels so tender, and Buffy becomes conscious. She literally becomes her conscious self by making peace with her dream (unconscious self). She stands up, and walks over to Faithâs bed. This is the moment that their relationship all season has been leading to. She leans over, and places a kiss on her forehead.
This kiss is everything. Itâs an act of thanks, as Buffy realises Faith may have given her what she needs to save the day (at the cost of Faithâs one familial figure). It is an act of service, as Buffy literally gives Faith the kiss she asked for when they started to fight in Graduation Day. It could also be an act of forgiveness. We know from I Only Have Eyes For You that forgiveness, Buffy learns, is done not because somebody deserves it, but because they need it. Faith at this point probably does not deserve it, does not want forgiveness (she wants to be punished), nor can she recognise it in her current state, but Buffy gives it anyway, adding another layer of heartbreak. It is given not for any purpose, but for its own sake.
Above all though, this is an act of recognition. We must consider the previous forehead-kiss that these two shared, back in Enemies, and Faithâs words directly before: âWhat are you gonna do, B, kill me? You become me. You're not ready for that, yet.â And in Graduation Day, just after Buffy stabs her: âYou did it. You killed me.â And her words in the dream, just a few seconds ago: âYou're ready?"
Now I donât think that Buffy stabbing Faith to save Angel is morally equivalent to Faith voluntarily killing people to help an evil guy become a big snake. I donât think the show wants us to think that either. But the line is firmly blurred. Angel says in Consequences that the act of taking a life will change Faith irrevocably, and Faith agrees. She sees herself as tainted from that point on, and if Buffy took her life, she would be tainted too. And though itâs understandable and morally defensible, thereâs no doubt that a part of Buffy - her innocence - dies on that balcony when she sticks that knife in. That act is forever. The choice to do violence is permanent.Â
So when Faith says âyou killed meâ, she is saying âyou have become meâ. She identifies a common nature in them. And when Buffy kisses her, returning it in the exact same way as when Faith first said those words, she is saying âI knowâ. She recognises and responds to Faithâs mirror by holding up one of her own. She matches similarity with similarity. She is finally âreadyâ to assimilate her shadow self, and does it by telling her shadow self that she sees her, and that she was right.Â
The beautiful part of all this is that it is silent. Faith wouldâve been aware of their unification in the dreamscape, since it was happening in both of their heads, but she has no way of knowing about this. I wonder if Buffy would ever tell her. I doubt it. This is the core of the Faith/Buffy tragedy. This is why I find this relationship so compelling. Buffy performs this act of recognition and devotion entirely in secret. It is a stolen kiss and a private confession. A whisper made to a sleeping lover. A letter written, sealed, stamped, and set on fire. It is an act of love and tenderness made entirely for its own sake, without witness or reward.Â
This is the single most romantic moment of the show for me. In this show that in many ways about how when nothing you do matters, all that matters is what you do, what could be more romantic than this gentle kiss that changes nothing against this aching hole of violence and betrayal between them, but exists anyway, just because Buffy felt it needed to be done. Itâs a silent moment that nobody but Buffy and us are privy to. Neither Faith nor the rest of the world will ever know it happened, but I know I for one will never forget.
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