#also I know buying jeans online that’s on me but I have looked in every single reasonably priced shop in my entire city
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Trying to buy jeans that fit is like an actual fucking nightmare I go here are the measurements of my body because I know exactly what the circumference of my waist and hips are and the size guide goes great! Here’s what size to get based on the circumference of your waist and hips :) and I go so if I buy these they will fit my measurements. Because you’ve put there how many centimetres it is. I know how many centimetres my hips and waist are, are you telling me the truth about your trousers? And they go yep. This is the size of our trousers. And then I go hmm your size guide says these run small I will get the size up because even though I know that based on my measurements I should get the smaller size but I want to be on the safe side. And then I try them on and they’re too fucking small even though the waistband is apparently ten centimetres bigger than my waist.
#KILLING!#also I know buying jeans online that’s on me but I have looked in every single reasonably priced shop in my entire city#and also they almost fit me. not enough to be like eh whatever like I do have to send them back but like they’re not gaping at my waist#it’s the first pair of jeans I’ve tried on that actually fit me at the hips (kind of) but not at the waist#(as in they’re too small at the waist. usually when I try on jeans that fit my hips they’re like ten times too big on the waist)#going crazy. because I think the size up would probably be fit but it’s literally two sizes bigger than my usual size.#how am I meant to fucking know that I need to get two sizes bigger#this shit makes me feel insane. i just want a pair of jeans.
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What I think each AOT character’s favourite modern day thing would be
Eren
Motorcycles
Idk why he just seems like he’d love to ride around on a fast loud motorcycle
Although he does seem like one of those annoying people who revs the engine really loud and scares the shit out of everyone around him
Mikasa
Life 360
NEEDS to know everyone’s location at ALL times
Armin
Not technically a modern day thing but aquariums
Ik they’ve been around for forever but I’m talking about those aquariums with the dark lighting
Yknow like the jellyfish section with the lights turned off and the LED lights turned on
Levi
Electric kettles for his tea and any kind of electric cleaning supply
Has a robot vacuum on all the time and always makes sure his washer and dryer are working proerly
Hange
Forensic science
Watches a scary amount of documentaries on forensics
Also their whole Netflix watch list is just true crime stuff
Erwin
Coffee machines and bionic arms
After losing his arm he’s very grateful for bionic arms, even if they’re unbelievably expensive
HAS to have straight black coffee every morning
Sasha
Any kind of food delivery app
Spends more money on that than she does on her actual rent
Connie
The internet
Just loves browsing whatever’s going on online
Although he does seem more like a 2000’s internet person than a 2020’s internet person
Jean
Sports cars
Or really just any fancy looking vehicle
Literally the only reason he has good money saving habits is because he wants to buy a fancy sports car one day
Bertholdt
E-books
Idk he just strikes me as the kinda guy who likes to read, so E-books are a very good thing for him
I WOULD do more but I’ve hit the limit for my images and I cannot be bothered to do a pt2 rn so 😛😛
#attack on titan#aot#aot x reader#eren yeager#mikasa ackerman#armin arlert#levi ackerman#erwin smith#bertholdt hoover#sasha braus#connie springer#jean kirstein#hange zoe
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Love language Headcanons
Eren | Armin | Levi | Erwin | Jean
5 hc’s about what I think their main love language would be! :)
fem!reader (but i can’t remember if I actually specified so …) enjoy!
Eren - physical touch
Eren is always touching you. Whether that be holding hands in public, sliding his hand a bit too far up your thigh whenever you’re out to dinner, or dragging his hands all over your body relentlessly when it was only the two of you. He craves the feeling of you and will always find some way to touch you whenever you’re around.
His arm snaked around your waist as he leaned in to whisper in your ear: “you look fucking amazing tonight.” Envious eyes at the party fell on the sight of you two, seeing you both so enamoured with each other.
You giggle as he pulls you close to him. “Eren, you already told me that.”
“And I’ll keep saying it again and again.” He gave you a loving squeeze, making sure to keep you close all night.
Armin - acts of service
Armin loves doing things for you to make your life easier. You’re hungry? He’s already in the kitchen preparing one of your favourite dishes. Need a ride anywhere? He’s always available to pick you up. He was always there for you, no matter where you were or what you needed, and he was more than happy to do anything for you.
“Good morning,” you mumbled, walking into the kitchen while rubbing your eyes. You were still half asleep wearing one of Armin’s t-shirts, hair all dishevelled from the night before.
“Good morning,” he replied, happy to see you awake. He was standing at stove cooking pancakes for the two of you. You wrapped your arms around his waist, resting your head on his back.
He smiled to himself at your touch, so grateful to have you in his life.
“Here,” he said, moving towards the counter. He handed you coffee in your favourite mug, just the way you like it. He placed a kiss on your forehead as the warmth of the coffee warmed your hands.
“Thank you so much,” you smiled at him.
“I love you,”
“I love you, too.” You reply as his arms wrap around you, holding you close to him.
Levi - quality time
Levi would get irritable if the two of you didn’t spend enough time together, which admittedly was quite a lot. Levi was surprisingly needy when it came to that. His love language being what it was meant that he was very good at planning things for the two of you to do together. It usually wasn’t anything too flashy or extravagant. He’d mostly take you out on dates to nice restaurants, or walks in the park. Every so often he’d spoil you with a trip for the two of you to take. But one of his go-to’s had always been cooking a nice dinner together. He’d find a recipe online, you two would go together to buy the ingredients, then cook together while sharing a bottle of wine.
Then the two of you would end up on the couch, or on the bed. The lights dimmed, a bit tipsy from the wine. Your head resting on his chest as you listened to his heartbeat. His hands would be in your hair, stroking it or entangled in it. Whichever it was at the time made you feel so good. The tv would be on but you both wouldn’t be paying attention. You’d just lie there in each others arms enjoying each others company.
Erwin - words of affirmation
Erwin is secure in himself, but he’d be lying if he didn’t appreciate you telling him how much you loved him from time to time. Simple things like:
“I appreciate you so much.” And “I couldn’t do it without you.” And then you’d see him grin widely as the words fell from your lips.
And while he liked hearing it from you, he also liked telling it to you as well.
Good morning texts, little notes from time to time, and showering you with compliments when you needed it most. Knowing that he loved you was something that you were reminded of quite often.
On particularly bad days, when you weren’t feeling your best, he’d hold you close to him and comfort you with the kindest of words. All of which were true.
You’d grip tightly onto his shirt as he held you and spoke gently to you.
“I want you to remember that I will always love you no matter what… I know things get hard sometimes but we both have each other and I will always be at your side for you whenever you need me.”
You’d look up at him, smiling through the few tears that managed to escape.
“You’re so precious to me.” He’d continue. “And I don’t know what I would ever do without you.”
Jean - gift giving
Jean loved surprising you with little presents. The look on your face whenever he’d gift you anything, big or small, was something he couldn’t get enough of. He paid a lot of attention to the things you’d speak about. Many of the things you’d mention in passing were noted and gifted at some point, most of the time you’d forget that you had mentioned it to him. But he’d always remember.
You were always so grateful whenever he gave you something and seeing you so happy and excited would warm his heart.
“I bought groceries, and I bought you some snacks that you like.” He’d say as he placed the grocery bags on the table.
Or, your personal favourite was: “I saw this and I thought of you.” Cute little stuffed toys, your favourite foods, clothes, and even jewelry (and he’d NEVER cheap out!)
For Jean, spoiling you was something innate, and he always made sure you had the best because that’s what you deserved.
#aot fanfiction#eren jeager#aot fandom#aot fanfics#attack on titan#attack on titan fanfiction#eren jeager fanfiction#eren jeager x reader#hcs#headcanon#aot headcanons#jean x reader#jean kirschtein x reader#jean kirschstein#snk levi#levi ackerman#levi x reader#erwin smith#erwin x reader#commander erwin#armin arlet x you#armin x you#armin#armin fluff#armin aot#armin arlert#snk#shingeki no kyojin
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I love embroidery.
It's all about the process. How much you put into it directly correlates to how well it turns out. The colors you choose, the stitches you undo, the pattern you create; it all matters. But if you're just messing around, you know what to expect when you're done!
It's so meticulous. Every stitch has an end and a beginning and YOU decide where those are. No one can tell you how to embroider. You just have to decide. Every intersection between the thread of the fabric and the embroidery thread is a decision. But it also doesn't matter, just choose and improvise with what you get.
The possibilities are endless. Want to stick with cross stitch? Sure! Want to try beads? Go ahead! Want to paint your fabric first? Why not? Want to thread paint? More power to you! There are hundreds of techniques across centuries, cultures, and countries. Maybe you have something to bring to the table that no one has seen before.
The community. First is the online community. Everyone is so eager to encourage and advise. I've never seen anyone withhold resources or advice, or anything like that. There's no pressure to buy fancy equipment as long as you have a needle, some thread, and an old pair of jeans you are welcome. Second is the historical community. I'll regularly look up from my work and think "People were doing this thousands of years ago. I am learning from them in the longest game of telephone." Even if I was thrown way back in time, I would have something to relate with them about. It's enough to make me cry.
On a more personal note, it has been such a joy and help to me. I have chronic pain, and sometimes can't leave the house. Embroidery gives me a place to express myself. To meditate. To breathe. I also have trichotillomania (obsessive hair pulling) that is worsened by stress. The only solution? Keep my hands busy while I calm down. Embroidery not only does that, it also imitates the hair pulling sensation, which relieves some of the pressure. There is no doubt in my mind that without embroidery, I would not be anywhere near the same person I am today.
Just. I have such a love for this art, and I can't wait to see where it takes me.
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January 2006
January 2, 2006
It was strange being outside of chicago on new years. If anyone remembers our apartment shows.
But the confetti was pretty and I think a girl from miss seventeen tried to kiss me on the mouth but kind of missed. Oh yeah and apparantly andrew john hurley is a dreamboat. Check the scoreboard. Tommorrow letterman and then I’m gonna buy some more heinous gear. Do you love it when I wear clashing colors as much as I do?
And why didn’t anyone tell me how amazing the movie the squid and the whale is? I told you about panic…
Over and way the fuck out.
xoxo
January 4, 2006
my top ten (er top seven) of 2005 - no records included.
bonnie dillard - she is always around to tell me how wack i am - she uses the the word "totes" and "just sayin" way too much - and actually types them! she named her dog roxie wentz and she has given me exactly two compliments in my entire life - one of which was on an outfit that she picked out for me. but she pretty much is the glue for clandestine and sometimes pete wentz. editor of filthy magazine.
nick scimeca - this kid makes the craziest faces i have ever seen in my entire life. the first time i met him we got in a snowball fight. pretty much we are in this gang together forever. he does infect, foe, and some clandestine stuff. pretty much whenever i am bummed i can call him up on the phone and hell tell me some hilarious story.
demar hamilton - i have pulled this kids underwear off every time he is around me and totally wasted. its awesome. he also has a dog living in his basement that looks like a 100 yearold teddy ruxpin. oh yeah, his band is rad.
leslie simon - me and her talk about our crushes all the time. we have a mutual love for the music of ashlee simpson and kelly clarkson. when i tell her insane stories i dont even have to say "off the record" she pretty much knows. she thinks of bright eyes and fob in the same way which blows my little mind. she is editting rainy day kids. oh yeah and writing a book about boys in tight jeans that wear eyeliner as far as i can tell but its pretty hush hush.
jonathon cecil miller/dirty - pretty much this kid is made of snakes, snails and puppy dog tails. i have nothing else to say but he is the new pauly shore - even if he always punches me for saying that. pretty much he looks like a cheeseburger with toothpicks for legs but i wouldnt trade him for the world. pretty much he is the best kid ever.
jim sevcik (or however you spell it) - this is the guy who goes and digs the little youth medium shirts out of tiny boxes in the 100 plus degrees on warped tour or freezing temp on NFT - and then takes the money out of your paws. he is definitely most underrated.
andrew simon/buck - when on the westcoast these guys function as my mother. they take us out to dinner, help me find a house or apartment, look up movie times, get screenings, help me find tours, starbucks, have the cutest baby on the planet, oh yeah and they even book shows every once in awhile.
oh well i ran out of steam. ill finish later. pretty much people that i hang out with every single day are not included on this - you know who you are.
- petey
1/04/06 Q&A
question
Pete, I really need some advice. I was a virgin until I slept with this guy. I didnt tell him I was a virgin until 2hrs. after we finished nad I told him online. Then I started freaking out because I was scared I had screwed everything up between us, which I think only made everything worse. this all happen yesterday. Did I screw everything up?
answer
the best part about when things like this happen is that eventually they become the past- if you really like this guy you could probably explain yourself to him- how you just got scared and were nervous to tell him certain things. if he is worth it, i am sure he will take the time to listen and tell you how he feels too. and if he doesn’t give you the time to do that, than he isn’t worth it anyway. you can be through with the past but that past isnt always through with you.
question
Pette what type of bass do you have?
answer
fender just made me my own- its pretty rad- red and black- super light maple neck- customized electronics and pick-ups- check out a picture of it over at: www.clandestine.buzznet.com - they say they are gonna make a real cheap version of it for people to learn on
question
the background on the site finally changed. who does that?
answer
it changes with mother nature.
question
Do you have any scars. Not like emotional scars (you can include them if you wish) but good-story-scars. Like stuff involving armadillos or something interesting like that.
answer
ive got this amazing one down the palm of my hand from when me and robby windgator (sp) climbed a fence in his back yard and my hand got stuck on a nail. it slid down the entire length of my hand- i was like 8. i have two on my right hand from when i fought a car the week before the VMAs. trust me i definitely beat the car up.
January 6, 2006
notes on black clouds and underdogs - see also: cast all your fears away:
1. tickets will not be 50 dollars. haters are spreading this on the internet. if you buy your ticket ahead of time (not through some wack broker or on ebay or from a scalper)- average ticket price will be between 23-28 dollars - not going over 35 anywhere. we picked the venues based on how cheap we could get them.
2. the bands- we didn't want to have a tour where you had to see five bands that sounded exactly like fob. we went for variety. all of the bands are really nice guys as well. there will be special guests through out the tour and some suprises to make each show more exciting.
3. this is going to be fob's biggest show ever. we will be playing our longest set and will be including some special secrets.
4. did you expect us to just dump the dates in your laps? we are nerdy and weird and different. so we created a game. we thought it would be fun. the points will be weighted so a small town will have the same chance as a huge city to win a small suprise show. we want to play in front of kids that are excited and we know this is a chance to do this. there will still be other secret shows randomly happening.
5. close your eyes and just click. youve got it. dont worry just come out. andy will be running a kissing booth - it will be a blast.
more later.
January 6, 2006
8:11 pm
i am just a hot mess. i woke up to the feeling of myself throwing up today. pretty much put a damper on the entire day. i ate about 50 stomach pills and then threw them all up- it was a pretty color in the toilet. my toungue is black on the top right now. i am pretty sure thats a bad thing. i watched way too much gastinaeu (however you spell it) girls today. i think it made me sicker. it took me awhile to realize that they were mother and daughter and not sisters- but the mom is kinda hot in pissy kind of way. my mom is out of town so there was noone here to take care of me- my brother was around but hes pretty much always bongzilla'd. so i waited for back-up caretakers to arrive- one of them was busy cutting hair and the other has like a "real" job besides being dad. the best part about vomitting alone in the morning is the way the bathroom tiles feel kinda cool in a pleasant way so i took a nap there for a bit. i want to see hostel tonight but the problem is all the vomitting- see its not that i mind so much its just what if i run into someone in my sicky gear and puke on them? wow. i am glad i did this update. arent you? im gonna leave the comments open cause i never do- just write down the first thing that comes into your mind when you see that reply button- heres mine: i am just a hot mess.
January 6, 2006
I have to say it makes me feel safe and some kind of comfort to look at the clock in the corner of the screen and know that you are awake too.
posted by: peterpumpkineater
1/12/06 Q&A
question
whats your view/opinion on racism?
answer
i love it. i mean what opinion would i have other than it is terrible. i hope thats what you expected.
question
So Pete, I have been wanting to learn how to play bass for a long time. Any idea when that HOT Clandestine bass will be available for the public? Thanks.
answer
its going to be available as a fender squire some time in the (near i hope) future. squire is fenders cheapest bass line - very affordable and a good bass to learn how to play on.
question
college dropout or late registration?
answer
“highschool graduate” its the mixtape he put out awhile ago- its pretty sweet.
question
okay crazy dream last night.. you [pete] and me making out after a show in a bed? yeah just thought id share.
answer
im pretty gross after a show. itd be better to just highfive i think.
question
pete. please stop licking the shoes of the island CEOs. i am getting really tired of turning on a tv and seeing a commercial for you guys playing at the fucking arena or a WHOS NEXT IN MUSIC? PANIC AT THE DISCO and THE ACADEMY IS mtv shit which was was totally all your -for lack of better word- fault. sometimes i think it cant get any worse but im always wrong. when is this going to end pete?!?!?!?
answer
i am kind of confused by this one- we are on island defjam records but the advertisements for our tour were made by our booking agent not island. academy is on atlantic/fueled by ramen and P!atd are on decaydance neither of those are island related. but i think i understand the gist of what you are trying to say. i understand that its hard to feel like you are losing a band you loved to “the mainstream” or to a bigger media. i want you to know how much fob turns down because we dont believe in it or agree with it- at the same time would you rather see the academy is on trl or limp bizkit?- id rather see sincere music up there. anyway, i know we’ll all still be here after this ends. hope you are there with us.
question
Peter do you ever get mad at us?
answer
sure. just the same way you sometimes get mad at me/us- but thats okay. neither of us ever seem to stay mad very long…
question
choose one: paramore. cartel. the academy is. or acceptance.
answer
the academy is. i dont really know the others too well.
question
Petey, what have you been up to this past week? xo
answer
training for the new video and working on/editting release the bats two (http://www.findthescene.com/Videos/RTB2_Trailer.mov)… oh yeah and sleeping some.
question
So what do you think of Brokeback Mountain?
answer
good love story. kind of depressing- it makes me think about how much i do not want to go camping.
question
ryan seacrest called you “heartbreaker wentz.” how does that make you feel? it made me giggle…
answer
i never broke that mofos heart.
question
I was wondering if any of you guys are superstitious
answer
i kiss clocks, make wishes on take offs and first kisses, hold my breath on graveyards - yes.
question
Im really upset because i have friends who like me have been FOB fans for the longest time and have met you guys numerous times but are really angry about the ticket prices and are complaining your just sell outs. Im mad because i dont think this and now they are boycotting your CT show.You guys were bound to get famous so why do people have to get like this? Whats you opinion on all this?
answer
our primary concern with this tour is: having a huge general admission floor space and keeping ticket prices as low as absolutely possible. we are doing our best- if you compare this tour with other tours with bands of the same size you will see the difference in ticket price.
question
so much for teh huge general floor space. i cant get decent tickets.
answer
if you get tickets early you should have no problem getting floor tickets. ask your broker when they will be releasing floor tickets as they are often released in bunches. i promise you every venue we are playing has a huge floor space- and if not me and my friends always used to just sneak down onto the floor. the security never tries to hard to stop you.
question
Have you ever had sex with a groupie?
answer
nope.
question
So after they finish the tour that they are on now Mest is breaking up. I sort of cant believe it but I was wondering - do you guys plan on sticking with us for a while longer? It is actually pretty hard to deal with bands just stopping for good…so I am hoping that you guys can be there with us for at least a while longer. Much love.
answer
honestly? some days i think fall out boy will be around for 20 more years and some days i think it might end tommorrow.
January 13, 2006
first jt. now mr. frey. i fear that we are next.
it may just be the hour of the night or the song stuck in my head or some strange mix of it all.
i can't shake it.
the chemists called it crossed signals.
the poets called it magical.
nowyousayimabird.
- petey
January 14, 2006
i love how i never care about anything you say except how i always do.
that doesn't even make any sense.
late at night everything about you is an orchestra. and i am the conducter.
January 14, 2006
4:14 pm
"noones ever been this good for this long"
this is everything i am thinking right now with out transition. i apologize for my brains lack of linear thought processing: i hate the way it gets dark so early here this time of year. i guess "seasonal depression" kind of falls under "ADD" and "post tramatic whatever disorder" for me. i feel like its science from the madhatter down the rabbit hole. not too real. but lately i just wake up blue - my only thought is- how soon will the day be over so i can get back into bed. i open my eyes just a tiny bit and blur the numbers on the clock with my eyelashes. every word you say rolls off of my back - the praises and the barbs. i don't hear either, ever. sometimes the tips of my fingers itch from the back of my head- just to get the chance to tear someone to pieces and just barely let them off the hook. i swear to god, i was asleep alone. quick text me an alibi and oh god please don't dust the keyboard for prints. sometimes i stare out of the frosted window and make up stories as people walk by. the bottled blonde, park ave. princess walking whichever dog matches her coat. you know how i could turn your world upsidedown. its not love if a day goes by when you don't think about dropping it. its not the world keeping you on the outside, its you not wanting to be on the inside. everyone wants to be the first. buts its okay to be the second if you understand it better, if you make it look prettier. worn down doesn't even touch this. and theres nothing worse than when someone acts like they have you figured out, when you haven't even figured yourself out. nice boys don't write good stories or sing good songs. and his songs are boring. and his stories are just personal ads set to background music. i found the skeleton key for wedlock but i am holding off on telling her. on telling anyone for that matter. consistent inconsistency. thats all you ever have to remember and you'll do okay with me. dancers are always strippers. and paying their way through college is the BE VE. oh and hey pete do you remember the way the world used to trick you with fifty degrees in january and orange leaves in june? button your jacket tight, don't believe everything you read... don't even believe everything you wrote. i'm tired of always leaving. i'm tired of the way things always/never change. swim upstream until your gills bleed just because thats what genetic encoding commands. there aren't any trophies that are really worth it in the end. they can put you in a box when you are very young, so you'll be a pretty corpse but there are too many pages filled with too many words to lie beside you forever. intelligent design is the last great joke i heard. but honestly, no one will ever stay where i tell them, least of all the years. they keep moving. worlds greatest liar and how do you know i'm not lying when i tell you this right now? and thats coming from the king of one-liners. copy and pasted - long live the away message. kiss the monitor. fast asleep baby.
1/16/06 Q&A
question
Thanks for deleting me off your myspace friends. Youre different than who I thought you were Peter.. : (
answer
i do not have nor ever had a myspace account… the only sites outside of this one that i use are friendsorenemies.com and livejournal. fall out boy has a myspace account but i dont even know how to work it.
question
PETER! maybe that got your attention this time :)! My question, Did your parents or siblings ever say your “stupid” or “gay” for wearing girl pants, or tight shirts..because i go threw alot of crap for wearing tight clothing and i go to a city school so either its gangsters, or me left out..please help me with gettin threw this..Also cant wait to see you guys in Hersey!
answer
kanye west wears pink polos. rob halford wears black tshirts. not that any of it matters. but how you dress should only be an amplification of who you are inside, it should not be all you are… i get teased about alot of things but you know, at the end of the day its okay to be me. im pretty sure its okay to be you too, as long as you arent like hitler or a serial killer or something insane.
January 18, 2006
these pictures make me think of me and you before i got so crazy.
the hippo lost its momma in the tsunami. now the he hangs out with this super old turtle and follows it around. from what i've read they have developed their own form of communication.
this is insane.
these parts of life are amazing.
i will try and not forget them next time.
- petey
January 18, 2006
the band is in chicago preparing their new homes to be moved into. mine is still in my parents cause i am a loser like that: see also why i am hanging in nyc by myself. but ive got some schemes that i am working on.
how i have been (barely) living: the hippo and the turtle, hanging out with minkus from boy meets world in north carolina, going to the mtv studios in nyc to see baby bros all growed up on trl, eating every single thing in this hotel minibar, writing, you. writing you.
- petey
January 19th, 2006
1:55 am
wahahahahaha. i laughed for like a million hours at the shittalking over at: www.friendsorenemies.com its way fun to see your friends make fun of you. it keeps you levelheaded. it has gone live.
January 19, 2006
yesyesyes-ya'll. newyorkcity. hung with patd and tai backstage at TRL and tried to make them unnervous. but i was butterflies inside. but they couldnt ever let me down. the rest of the day was spent listening to the new gymclassheroes songs and working on the new video. the gch songs are insane: i can't describe them "we gotta take our clothes off to have a good time". insane. new octfall: youve probably never met these kids but they are the nicest. always calling and asking how im doing. then the hush sound: all i can say is "sweet tangerine"- 6 months from now, you will agree with me. anyway, this isn't just some preachy post. i just love watching my friends suceed and i will believe in them until the day i die. its so great to watch everyone grow up. hopefully, somewhere someone says that about me.
we contributed a song to the breast cancer one tree hill episode/compilation. we just thought it was a great cause and couldn't pass it up. we actually thought it was a really personal cause to alot of people involved so i wanted to give a really personal song to me, so we used "dark alley".
its late and alot of the things i have been working on and thnking have stalled out. but i am trying oh so hard. got some smaller shows coming up in las vegas and l.a. for the diehards so keep your eyes out.
i am in new york city but it feels so fucking foreign. the band is in chicago but there is too much to be done out here. i know there needs to be breaks but i cant get away. maybe ill see you on fuse or trl tommorrow. maybe not cause it'll be weird with out the guys- i dunno. this hotel room doesn't make any sense. my lights are on and i am in bed knowing i will never fall asleep. i am realizing people in all the buildings outside i can see lit up can probably see in here on me. but thats okay cause i am wearing some sweet pj's.
wwwilliambecketdotlove
turn me inside out.
swoon. make me easy on the eyes. it aint hard in this light. read it. write it. throw it away and come back to the phone. light up text king.
oh yeah a little bird named mouth told me: friendsorenemies.com is up - my profile is actually me over there ... yay! let's hate eachother and/or get sexy.
January 20, 2006
dear ireland- thank you for your pretty accents and your amazing show.
dear home- i miss you
dear you- what the fuck happened to this
a real update later.
the whole world loves it when you dont get down.
January 21, 2006
12:17 pm
i hate you and i hope you die. yes. i realize that you will make fun of me/take stabs at me/post ridiculous pictures of me. i realize that because of this band i have given up some of my privacy and personal life. i accept that. i can laugh at myself. i realize i will get called a douchbag. i get what i get. i have begun reading things about my friends and family. that i will not accept. i read things written by people who kiss my ass to my face. i remember who you are. fuck you. bring it on me. please leave my friends and family alone. it is extremely hurtful to me. if anyone is a friend of mine out there please tell your friends. i on the otherhand am open game. i have a good laugh at all of the stuff written about me. i am silly, i realize that. thank you.
peter
January 24, 2006
I am an arms dealer.
I sell words you could only use as weapons.
This isn't a scene it is an arms race.
I am a con artist.
A door to door salesman.
A snake oil seller. Cures for whatever ails you.
Somehow I don't hear the violins playing.
Not really the leading man type.
I am a cadaver deep frozen. Waiting for reanimation to beinvented.
Wrote "fuckoff" on my hand to remind me to call you tommorrow morning.
What do you do when everything they say about you is true?
Do you expect me to just roll over and die?
My skin has made promises.
Whether the rest of me has or not.
Writing off tommorrows every time my fingers touch these buttons.
Putting all the comforts and closeness in reverse just for you.
I think its time to re-asses some of the policies of the wentz administration.
Our approval rating is at an all time low.
In case you haven't been informed you have to take a ticket to be disappointed by me.
There's a fucking line.
Well have some goddamned order.
Its a posh and exclusive club.
I have a lifetime membership.
Make it glamorous.
Make the rumors true.
Read the sign next to the bridge "giveupallhope..." and just tie down the gas pedal.
Lie in the back.
Haven't you heard, sorrow is in.
You are the beaches of normandy the night before.
And a girl with such a sweet drink should never sit in the corner and cry about anyone or anything.
The kids on the net had it right sometimes we should fuck off and die and break up and stop ruining art.
But the kids had it right sometimes when they sit waiting in line with hands frozen out waiting to get into a room first.
The only thing I can admit is this is no masterplan. I'm trying to figure it out.
"Without the sour the sweet wouldn't taste so sweet (tangerine)".
Its 3am in leeds. This is what just crossed my mind.
Love, the fancy kid.
January 26, 2006
live via manchester holiday inn express:
first and foremost. these shows have been amazing. i think it is quite possibly because we don’t get over here often or maybe because we are playing smaller clubs… but i am thinking we need to make a stop over here more often.
i wanted to congratulate p!atd the disco on making it to number 10 on the TRL countdown. and i just wanted to put this out there: there is no way it was paid to happen. of all the bands on “new bands week” panic was the only that didn’t put up big pushes to have the video voted on. if anything this band wants to do things their own way. hence picking the song they did for the single- that was the bands choice and in my opinion they have songs on the record that could easily be bigger. it was also the bands choice to create a darker video…. as a label i can tell you that we definitely don’t have the money to spend on a “big budget” video right now- not to mention having any left over for anything else- you’d laugh if you saw the budgets we filmed the new panic and gch videos on. but i couldn’t say enough about how nice these kids are- they don’t even get how big their band is and thats a good thing… i personally would rather see great bands on the forefront of music… and yes there are lots of other bands that deserve to make it there as well- so maybe on our messageboard tell me about some great (unsigned) bands that we should check out.
other than that we’ve just been writing new songs and working on the new video. pretty soon its going to become time focus all attention on a new fall out boy record again.
got some big news for you coming up very soon…
peter lewis kingston wentz
ps 'hater dudes marry hater bitches and have hater kids’
1/26/06 Q&A
question
hey, what kind of books are you and the rest of Fall Out Boy into? p.s. tell patrick he is spectacular
answer
andy is into comics and books on anthropology/human civilization i dunno what books joe reads patrick is into reading about music i am into a bunch of different authors lately hemingway still. before he went and hung out in africa. i haven’t been reading as much as id like lately. ps the book panic has in their book club this month is a great book. its the first thing i gave ryan after reading his lyrics, it kind of reminded me of him- so if you like panics lyrics head on over and check out their book club
question
do you watch that show roseanne on nick at night. i love that show!
answer
me and my friends used to hang out with becky in evanston, il in highschool. she was not to fond of me or my friend jody.
question
ok i know this is nobodys business but yours but there is alot of stuff going around on the boards saying that the big news is your engaged just to get things straight is that it? because those people are starting to annoy me….
answer
me being engaged is most definitely not the big news.
question
in the song calm before the on take this to your grave, there is a line that says :Well theres a song on the radio that says lets get this party started, lets get this party started. did you write that line because of the song by pink called lets get this party started. just curious.
answer
yes.
question
Hey Pete. My grandma is dying (and she doesnt care) and I for real dont feel anything towards her. My mom is seriously upset, my dad is just about the same and my sisters dont know. I am suppose to tell them but how do I do that when my grandma wasnt a grandma for me but for them she was a great lady? I just want this done and over because I am kind of tired of waiting for her to die since she has been making suicide references for the past two years.
answer
that is one of the hardest places to ever be in. i remember seeing thoughts of my grandfather in my head when he died i was on tour. and i couldnt really feel sad unless i thought of it as my dad and it really freaked me out. it made me feel like i wanted to see my dad right that second. id be completely lost with out him. i think that people handle grief in different ways and the best thing we can do is try to be there for them. im sorry to hear about that though.
1/30/06
question
my roommates and i almost got into a brawl at 4am with some drunk kids who wanted to fight us because we did not appreciate the hint of lime in their tostitos. is it just me, or is your life this ridiculous as well?
answer
it is . we were thrown out of another fob afterparty after nearly fighting the staff who was berating dirty.
question
Peter, I just got the “Panic! At The Disco” cd and I love it! could you recomened any others?
answer
the hushsound “so sudden” - myspace.com/thehushsound october fall “season of…” myspace.com/octoberfall dangerradio “party foul” myspace.com/dangerfall the academy is “almost here” myspace.com/theacademyis armor for sleep “all” myspace.com/armorforsleep shiny toy guns “all”
question
do any of you have brothers and siters? (like any single younger brothers…:) if so, who and how old?
answer
um come on this question is kind of insane. but my one dog marley is super hot for a dog. hes a good kisser though.
question
I read somewhere that Patrick was a vegitarian. Is that true?
answer
he was he eats fish and likes to talk long walks in the park with hot babes.
question
Why does patrick wear a hat all the time and why does the drummer never talk?????
answer
just to drive your pretty little head mad with these questions.
question
Okay, heres a question: Has someone you superly-duperly adored gone away? And by adored we are talking like, lets-run-away-to-isreal -and-get-hitched-without-telling-anyone adored.
answer
yes. the sinking feeling in your rotten gut is your reminder. cool sheets on your bed are your antidote.
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I feel so silly I've been posting art online for years and I don't think I ever made one of these 😂 in all honesty though? I think a lot of it has to do with thinking people I already talk to know so it'd be irritating them to repeat it, but they really don't know so when they're surprised so am I. But yeah, if there's something you want to know, you're always welcome to ask!
Some random stuff about me:
⭐ Because I work from home my outfits are tank tops and lounge pants (I got those from Amazon and they are *chef's kiss*. That "kimono" from Hot Topic really does drop that low - I'm 5'2" and it looks ridiculous but I love it.
⭐ Copper compression gloves are wonderful.
⭐ I've got a pizza sauce recipe that's like our cheeseball recipe; the longer it sits the hotter it gets. I have no self-control with hot peppers and sauces and one day my stomach will have a hole burned through it because of this 🤣
⭐ I can and will blow through art pencils and micron pens, but I'll also hang onto the tiniest nubs and nearly-dry pens because I am terrible about buying more. I'd buy larger sets of what I use the most, but uh...*sticker shock*
⭐ I prefer physical books, but if it's an author I'm unsure of, I'll try the ebook first. I play Plants vs Zombies 2 more on the kindle than I do read.
⭐ Either I have some green witch magic or I've got mislabled seeds, but since I've started gardening I've managed to grow 4 foot tall dwarf variety marigolds.
⭐ Hated Halloween Kills. Very disappointed in it. I think the setup for 13 Ghosts would make a really freaking cool haunted attraction.
⭐ I love playing Mario Kart Tour, but it's not the same as when I could do online multiplayer in Mario Kart Wii. Up for sharing my friend code if you want to kick my ass lol
⭐ When I say I enjoy anime, I used to enjoy a large range, but since I've gotten older I've learned I just don't care for a lot of newer stories. But I have binged Azumanga Daioh, Bastard!!, Full Metal Panic, and Crayon Shin-chan multiple times.
⭐ I'm fairly sure winter, art block, and imposter syndrome meet up in skinny jeans, UGG boots, and pumpkin spice lattes for brunch every year.
⭐ One more that I forgot when I posted this a couple weeks back on patreon, I have a small Bath and Body Works addiction. Really love the Fairytale and Into the Night scents especially.
@keichanz @lemonlushff @dawnrider @mamabearcat @inuykago @sailorbabydoll92 @zelink-inukag @itzatakahashi @superpixie42 @sticky-llama-perfection @the-rebel-alchemist @digitl-art-monstr @theinuyashareader @eternalnight8806-3 @cstorm86 @sarah-writes-stories @animelove1313 @nartista @smmahamazing @xfangheartx @cyncyn981 @bluejay785 @witchygirl99 @lady-dark-69 @kazeinori @willowandfog @lavendertwilight89 @gaysonthefloor @senneth-pendra @ruddcatha @pinkpigeonstudio @shinidamachu @cammysansstuff @little-inukag-obsessed @arcprz @liz8080 @trying-not-to-loveu @wulfintheforest @memusicmuse @princessinume @hnn-wnchstr @that-weird-kid-charlie @cannibalsforbreakfast @mr-fairywings @nsr0716 @eringobroke @ladyphoenix0711 @malditamigs @fawn-eyed-girl @littlestuffstohide @smh1821 @karina-inuphantom @dreaming-of-soup @irrationalandimpossible @boostyourmind-blog @anisaanisa @inussunflower @sacred-arrow @nillavanilla21 @yusukesmomjeans @lordofthechips @bluehawaiicat @kawaiichan67 @kagometaishostory @hopidoodle @omgitscharlie @themusicalshoo @heynikkiyousofine @preciouslyours @roseheartwhitefox @brokenangelwings22 @banra-yar @knittingknots @scaponigifs @shardetector @fudalfighter @dchelyst
#meet the artist#look I wouldn't be me if I weren't late on art trends#I don't even show up with starbucks#I just wander in looking confused XD
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Since you wanted random asks: What song is currently stuck in you head? Where is the last store you went to, that wasn't for groceries, and what did you buy? What is your newest, coolest, fashion accessory? The third item to you left is the worlds newest currency, what is it? Beauty or fashion trend you did that you look back and think it was extra cringey? What was your most memorable dream you had that featured fictional characters that you love?
Song currently stuck in my head: "Please, Please, Please" by the Smiths bc I had it on loop while making that edit the other day.
Last store I went to and what I bought: I bought homemade dog treats at a craft fair this weekend, does that count? XD On thursday I hopped in to the local comic book shop to check my pulls and picked up a volume of a new manga that's a play on the sentai "monster of the week" trope where one of the monsters decides to infiltrate the hero team to take them down from the inside. XD
Newest, coolest, fashion accessory: Gosh, I think... it's this cardigan (is that an accessory lol) I got. It's long and baggy and is pink with a lavender spiderweb design, which gave me those Spider-Gwen feels. But like, Gwen on her day off or something. XD
World's new currency: Small pedal-opened trash cans full of wrappers that I need to empty out. Oops.
Beauty or fashion trend you did that you look back and think was extra cringey: I basically went from "my mom buys my clothes and I don't care" directly to "I suddenly have autonomy and disposable income" and youthful fashion trends were not really... a part of that. But I was also a hecking weird kid so I remember at one point in high school I realized I had five (5) denim shirts in my closet (like nice ones? sort of blousey? the kind of thing you could wear with a long skirt to do a fall photoshoot in a field or something) and decided to wear one every day to school for a week. Oh and one of those days I was wearing a denim shirt, jeans, and a jean jacket... so like... did I secretly start the jeverything is jeans trend in the 90's and forget about it? (No.)
What was your most memorable dream that featured characters you love: So, I don't know that I have a lot of dreams about blorbos, as it were. Most of my dreams are "we are at the airport but the plane is made out of jelly and I have no idea how we're getting our luggage back" and the like. But a while back, I had a dream that I was at a shopping mall with my husband and a lot of my online friends at a store that only sold meme related merchandise? But when we came out into the parking lot it was nighttime and they were shooting a scene for Daredevil: Born Again and we all stood a respectful distance away to watch and Charlie Cox waved at everyone in the crowd when they were done, so that was kind of cute?
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Modern Fit Suits: Your Ultimate Guide to Sharp Style for Every Occasion.
Gentlemen, are you tired of feeling like you're wearing your grandfather's hand-me-downs every time you put on a suit?
Do you long for a suit that not only looks sharp but also feels comfortable and moves with you?
Then it's time to embrace the modern fit revolution!
The modern fit suit is the perfect blend of classic tailoring and contemporary style.
It's designed for the modern man who wants to look his best without sacrificing comfort or mobility.
Whether you're heading to a wedding, a job interview, a formal dinner, or a casual night out, the modern fit suit has you covered.
What Sets the Modern Fit Apart?
The modern fit suit is all about a streamlined silhouette that flatters your physique without feeling restrictive.
Here's what makes it different:
Higher Armholes: This creates a cleaner look and allows for greater freedom of movement.
Narrower Lapels: This adds a touch of contemporary flair and slims the chest.
Subtly Tapered Trousers: This creates a streamlined look and helps to elongate the legs.
Shorter Jacket Length: This helps to create balanced proportions, especially for shorter men.
Modern Fit Suits for Every Occasion
Weddings:
Whether you're the groom, a groomsman, or a guest, a modern fit suit will ensure you look sharp and feel confident on the big day.
For grooms, a classic navy or grey suit is always a safe bet.
Accessorize with a crisp white shirt, a coordinating tie, and a pocket square for a touch of personality.
Wedding guests can have more fun with colors and patterns, choosing a suit that complements the wedding party's attire.
Work:
A modern fit suit is a must-have for the modern professional.
It's the perfect choice for interviews, client presentations, and team meetings.
For a more relaxed business casual look, try pairing your suit jacket with chinos or dress pants.
Formal Events:
When the invitation calls for black tie or formal attire, a modern fit tuxedo is your go-to choice.
Opt for classic black or midnight blue, and consider details like satin lapels or a shawl collar to elevate your look.
Casual Outings:
Who says suits are only for formal occasions?
The modern fit suit can be effortlessly dressed down for a more casual, yet still stylish, look.
Pair your suit jacket with a t-shirt, dark-wash jeans, and sneakers for a relaxed yet refined weekend look.
Choosing the Perfect Modern Fit Suit
Ready to embrace the modern fit revolution?
Here are a few tips for finding the perfect suit:
Know your measurements: Get acquainted with your chest, waist, inseam, and shoulder measurements.
Try before you buy: Pay close attention to how the jacket fits in the shoulders, chest, and waist.
Don't fear the tailor: A skilled tailor can make minor adjustments to ensure a flawless fit.
Caring for Your Modern Fit Suit
A modern fit suit is an investment in your style and confidence.
Here are a few tips to keep it looking its best:
Proper storage: Hang your suit on a sturdy wooden hanger with wide shoulders.
Regular brushing: Use a soft-bristled clothes brush to remove dust and lint.
Spot clean when necessary: Avoid rubbing the fabric, as this can damage the fibers.
Dry clean sparingly: Choose a reputable dry cleaner who specializes in delicate garments.
Steaming is your friend: Use a steamer to remove wrinkles and refresh your suit.
FAQs
What's the difference between a slim fit and a modern fit suit?
While both offer a more tailored silhouette than a classic fit, there are key differences.
Slim fit suits are designed to hug the body closely, accentuating a lean physique.
Modern fit suits offer a more balanced approach—tailored but not overly tight, providing a sleek silhouette with room for comfort and movement.
Where can I find affordable modern fit suits?
Many retailers offer stylish and budget-friendly modern fit suits.
Online options include ASOS, BoohooMAN, and SuitSupply.
Department stores like Macy's and Nordstrom Rack often have sales and discounted designer brands.
Specialty stores like Express and H&M offer trendy options at lower price points.
Can I wear a modern fit suit if I have an athletic build?
Absolutely!
The modern fit is often a great choice for athletic builds.
It offers a tailored silhouette that complements your physique without feeling restrictive.
Look for jackets with enough room in the chest and shoulders, and trousers with ample space in the thighs.
What are some essential accessories for a modern fit suit?
Elevate your modern fit suit with the right accessories.
A tie adds a touch of formality or personality depending on the color and pattern.
Pocket squares inject flair and can be folded in various styles.
Belts should match your shoes and the occasion's formality.
Shoes should complement your suit, ranging from polished dress shoes to loafers or sneakers.
How do I know if my modern fit suit jacket fits correctly?
A well-fitting modern fit jacket should feel comfortable and flattering.
The shoulder seams should align with your shoulders, the chest should be snug but not constrictive, and the waist should be slightly suppressed.
The jacket length should hit around your knuckles, and the sleeves should show about half an inch of shirt cuff.
If needed, a tailor can make adjustments for a perfect fit.
The modern fit suit is a versatile and stylish choice for any man who wants to look and feel his best.
It's an investment in your image and your confidence.
So, ditch the outdated suits and embrace the modern fit for a sharp, sophisticated look that will take you from the boardroom to the ballroom and beyond!
Read Full Article Here: https://www.ellasalterations.com/ogtT/
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How Joe Rogan Remade Austin
The podcaster and comedian has turned the city into a haven for manosphere influencers, just-asking-questions tech bros, and other “free thinkers” who happen to all think alike.
It’s a Tuesday night in downtown Austin, and Joe Rogan is pretending to jerk off right in front of my face.
The strangest thing about this situation is that millions of straight American men would kill to switch places with me.
Centimillionaires generally pride themselves on their inaccessibility, but most weeks you can see Rogan live at the Comedy Mothership, which he owns, in exchange for $50 and a two-drink minimum. About 250 tickets for each “Joe Rogan and Friends” show go on sale every Sunday at 2 p.m. central time, and disappear within seconds. When you arrive at the Mothership, the staff locks your phone in a bag, which both ensures that you cannot leak footage online and makes you think you’re about to see some really forbidden shit.
You are not.
What you will see is four comedians, plus Rogan himself, with routines that might shock the Amish, the over-80 set, college students, Vox staffers, or John Oliver superfans—but not anyone who, say, went to a comedy club in the 1990s.
Of the many recent failures of the American left, one of the greatest is making entry-level battle-of-the-sexes humor seem avant-garde.
(Did you know that women often run relationship decisions past their female friends? Bitches be crazy! That sort of thing.)
As Rogan himself says after he emerges in stonewashed jeans, clutching a glass of something amber on ice:
“Fox News called this an anti-woke comedy club. That’s just a comedy club!”
To underline the point that these jokes can survive outside the safe space of the Mothership, much of the material I saw Rogan perform ended up in his latest Netflix special, which was released in August.
In Austin, the masturbation mimicry happens during a riff about concealing his porn consumption from his wife—“the best person I know,” he says, sweetly.
That routine captures the essence of the Joe Rogan brand:
He is bawdy around his fans, respectful of his wife, loyal to his friends, and indulgent with his golden retriever, who has 900,000 followers on Instagram.
He maintains a self-deprecating sense of humor that’s rare among men who could buy an island if they wanted one.
His politics defy easy categorization—he hates Democratic finger-wagging but supports gay marriage and abortion rights. (“I’m so far away from being a Republican,” he said on a podcast in 2022.)
He voted for a third-party candidate in 2020, and in early August expressed his admiration for Robert F. Kennedy Jr., a former guest on The Joe Rogan Experience.
He also wonders if President Biden might have been replaced by a body double. (Does he have any evidence? Sure, the guy looks taller now.)
He sees himself as an outsider, nontribal, just an average Joe.
The best way to think of him, one of my friends told me, is as if “Homer Simpson got swole.”
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4/6/24
10:56 p.m edited 11:12 p.m
This is the event.. the 27th may be the date but if you have any intention of showing up don't plan it yet... I'm just making sure you know exactly what event I'm talking about and exactly where it is. I will update you on the date... and I will give you two weeks notice just if by chance you can show up.
You're a Mom and you got a busy life. So I want to make sure just incase you can do it.. I may even give you 3 weeks in advanced. I got to sort out my financial situation. Driving to West Haven to see Katie and going to New Hampshire recently really drained me between my stupid glasses purchases and my boxers... I got to make sure if I purchase on Kohls it won't fuck me over the Under Armour boxers I got appearantly on sale... they were 30$ for a 3 pack.. now they are 42$ for the same exact pairs... and the Nike socks were 17$ now they are 28$ but all these clothes are so comfy and if I can get 24 pairs of boxers in total and 12 pairs of socks I can finally remove all my uncomfortable medium boxers and get rid of socks with small holes in them...
Anyways I probably won't buy from Kohls but the 35$ kohls cash makes the boxers less money... idk...
I also got to figure out a shirt for the tango... I could just go as Nathan... a guy in a ratty hoodie/ t-shirt and jeans with high tops.
I'm thinking about buying a 2 pack of George Polos from Walmart online so I can look a little less ratty but my medium boxers are stretched out and the ones I tossed out had holes and some of my socks have holes in them.. so that's why I made the original purchase at kohls and why I want to do it one more time.
That won't put me out that much but i got to consider glasses at lens crafters... and put this eyebuy thing away... although it may be like last year where I accept none of my glasses fit right and I got to be uncomfortable... and wait until March 2025.... also I may just stop wearing them but not if you're here and you love me.... I'll wear them every day all day, you'll only see me without them when I take a shower and when I sleep.
Idk. But here is the event info.
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1830
Describe your most recent purchase: I just replenished my Korean groceries – I restocked on chapaguri and bibimmyeon noodles and also got moksal and pork bulgogi so I can try cooking other meats at home besides my usual samgyupsal.
Did you enjoy the last movie you watched in theaters? The last thing I watched in full in the cinema was BTS' Busan concert when it had a worldwide premiere in like Feb last year. The first time I watched with friends; the second time I watched on my own.
If you make surveys, where’s the last place you saw a survey made by you on another person’s site? I've never made a survey. I don't think I'll be any good at crafting questions.
Do you take the subway train often (if your city has one)? We don't have that and our public transport is generally shit so you won't catch me in any of the trains that do exist.
What shoes did you wear today? Ivy Park sneakers since I needed to manage a branded event today.
Does your sibling have a significant other? As far as I know she doesn't. She had this...situationship...thing a few months ago but that's done.
Have you ever cried at a real wedding? No, but that's also because I haven't been invited to a wedding since 2007, when I was 9 years old.
How would you feel if a girl asked your boyfriend out for a drink? I don't have a boyfriend.
Do you live in an apartment or a house? House.
Do you use Skype? Nope. If I needed to video call with friends, we'd use Messenger. Facetime to a much lesser extent.
What do your flip flops look like? I have slides instead of flip flops, and they're a plain white pair of adidas ones.
Any idea what you want for your next birthday? I'll probably just treat my family out for either lunch or dinner. No big plans I think this year, as Angela is busy reviewing for her boards and I don't want to take her time by planning an out-of-town trip.
Are there any gadgets of yours that need charging right now? My phone definitely needs to be plugged in, it's hanging on at 2% right now hahaha.
What’s the name of your nearest grocery store? That would be SM.
What do you use to remove makeup? Water.
Which awards show would you wanna go to the most (e.g Oscars, Grammys etc.)? None of them, they all feel just like PR at this point. The big ones are almost always racist and favor men anyway so eh.
Any idea what time you’ll be going to bed tonight? I need to go to bed at around 10 or 11, because I plan on waking up at around 7 AM tomorrow to start working. I didn't do any work last Friday and over the weekend, so I need to make up for it.
Do you think George Clooney is hot? Not really.
Have you ever participated in local magazine cover girl searches? Nope. I joined in giveaway contests, but not cover girl stuff altogether.
What colour is your keyboard? Black.
Do you keep the plastic/paper/whatever bags after you buy stuff? To quote the Tiktok trend, we're Filipino, of course we hoard paper and plastic bags for any and every purpose, including using them as Christmas gift packaging. Not sure if it's practiced in other cultures but we are definitely not opposed to gift-wrapping something like a mug in an Apple, Pandora, or LV paper bag hahaha.
Do you own any high waisted pants? Yes! I like how the high waist finish looks on me so majority of my jeans/pants are in that style.
Do you know anyone who has two different coloured eyes? Yes.
Do you wanna be a pirate or an elf? Maybe an elf? I'm scared of pirates lol.
Have you ever purchased anything online? Yes, it's how I prefer to purchase most things. I've been accomplishing my Christmas checklists entirely online since 2021.
Gold or silver accessories? Silver.
Have you ever been called a skank/slut because of the way you dress? Not to my face, at least.
Have you ever ridden an elephant? Once as a teenager. I don't want to do it again.
Are you a fan of acrylic nails? Sure.
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𝙷𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝙷𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎 (𝙿𝚝 𝟸)
In the music store, Craig is sitting at the counter looking depressed.
"Hey Craig? Remember us?"
"Guys, look I'm really not in the mood to answer any of your questions, ok?"
"Oh, don't worry. We're just here to buy an album, that's all" Y/N says. She flicks through and picks up an album. She talks to Sam and Dean as they approach the counter.
"You know I couldn't figure out what that symbol was and then I realized that it doesn't mean anything. It's the logo for the Blue Oyster Cult" She then turns her attention to Craig "Tell me Craig, you, uh, you into BOC? Or just scaring the hell outta people? Now why didn't you tell us about that house...without lying through your ass this time" Craig sighs.
"All right, um. My cousin Dana was on break from TCU. Ah, I guess we were just bored, looking for something to do. So, I showed her this abandoned dump I found. We thought it would be funny if we made it look like it was haunted. So, we painted symbols on the walls, some from some albums, some from some of Dana's theology textbooks. Then we found out this guy Murdock used to live there so we ...we made up some story to go along with that. So, they told people, who told other people. And then these two guys put it on their stupid website. Everything just took on a life of its own. I mean I, I thought it was funny at first but... now that girl's dead! It was just a joke, you know. I mean, none of it was real, we made the whole thing up. I swear!"
"All right" Sam says softly. Sam, Dean and Y/N turn to leave.
"If none of it was real how the hell do you explain Mordechai" Dean asks Sam and Y/N.
==
Back in their motel room, sounds of the shower running. Dean and Y/N enter and walks over to Sam bed, Dean lifting a packet labelled 'Itching Powder'
"Hey, we're back" Dean calls out.
"Hey, where were you two?" Sam says from the bathroom.
"Oh, we went out" Y/N says, trying to contain her giggles, Dean puts his finger to his lips, shushing her, also trying to contain his laughter. Y/N picks up Sam's underwear from the bed and Dean shakes the content of the packet onto it.
"So, I think I might have a theory about what's going on"
"Oh yeah?" Dean says, still shaking the packet.
"What if Mordechai is a Tulpa?" Sam asks.
"Tulpa?" Y/N asks. Sam emerges from the bathroom, wearing only a towel around his waist.
"Yeah, a Tibetan thought form" The two swing around hastily.
"Ahh, yeah, I know what a Tulpa is. Hey why don't you get dresses, I wanna go grab something to eat" Dean enters the bathroom, smiling at Sam as he closes the door.
"I'm gonna go and get a soda" Y/N says and she leaves. Sam moves his attention between the two then turn to pick up his underwear.
==
The three went to a local diner and Y/N goes over to a table and Sam and Dean gets the drinks.
"There you go gents"
"Thank you" Dean saying taking his and Y/N's coffee. Sam taking his. They make their way to Y/N, Sam grimacing and adjusting his jeans.
"Dude what's your problem?" Y/N asks, slightly smirking.
"Nothing, I'm fine"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah"
"So, ahhh, all right keep going. What about these Tulpas?" Dean asks
"Ok, so there was this incident in Tibet in 1915. Group of monks visualised a golem in their head. The meditated on it so hard they brought the thing to life. Outta thin air" Sam says.
"So?"
"That was 20 monks. Imagin what 10,000 web surfers could do. I mean Craig starts the story about Mordechai, then it spreads, goes online. Not there are countless people all believing in that bastard"
"Now wait a second. Are you trying to tell me that just because people believe in Mordechai, he's real?" Y/N asks. Sam looks uncomfortable.
"I dunno, maybe"
"People believe in Santa Claus-how come I'm not getting hooked up every Christmas?"
"Cuz, you're a bad person. And because of this..." Sam turns to his laptop, showing Dean and Y/N a photo of one of the Hell House symbols.
"That's a Tibetan spirit sigil. On the wall of the house. Craig said they were painting symbols from a theology textbook. I bet they painted this, not even knowing what it was. Now that sigil has been used for centuries, concentrating meditative thoughts like a magnifying glass. So, people are on the Hellhounds website, staring at the symbol, thinking about Mordechai ... I mean I don't know, but it might be enough to bring a Tulpa to life"
"It would explain why he keeps changing" Sam grimaces and adjusts himself again.
"Right, as the legend changes, people think different things, so Mordechai himself changes. Like a game of telephone. That would also explain why the rock salt didn't work"
"Yeah, because he's not a traditional spirit" Y/N says.
"Yeah" Sam says, still fidgeting.
"Ok So why don't we just...uhh ... get this spirit sigil thingies off the wall and off the website?"
"Well, it's not that simple. You see, once Tulpas are created they take on a life of their own" Sam says.
"Great. So, if he really is a thought form how the hell are we supposed to kill an idea?" Y/N asks.
"Well, it's not gonna be easy with these guys helping us. Check out their home page" Sam says, still itching and adjusting. Sam shows Dean and Y/N footage from the previous night.
"Since they've posted the video their number of hits have quadrupled in the last day alone"
"Hmph. I got an idea. Come on" Dean says.
"Where we going?"
"We gotta find a copy store" They rise to go.
"Man, I think I'm allergic to our soap or something" Sam says itching and jiggling. Dean laughs and he walks away.
"You did this?" Dean continues laughing, this time joined by Y/N.
"You too! You're friggin jerks!"
"Oh yeah" Dean says.
"Sorry, Sammy. But Dynamic twins gotta stay work together" Y/N says, following Dean, then followed by Sam.
==
In the trailer park, Ed and Harry sit in a trailer with all their equipment
"No, no, no, forget it. Forget it! I'm not going back in there again"
"Harry. Look at me. Right here. Ok? You are a ghost hunter, ok?"
"I know, but, Ed, I've never seen a real ghost before Ed, like a real ghost, an apparition!"
"This stuff here...this is our ticket to the big time right. Fame, money, sex. With girls. OK? Be brave. WWBD. What would Buffy do. huh?"
"What would Buffy do. But Ed, she's stronger than me" Harry whispers.
"It's ok" There is a pounding on the door. Harry jumps a foot in the air and squeals.
"Who is it?" Harry asks.
"Come on out here guys, we hear you in there" Dean replies.
"It's them!" They stick their heads out the door.
"Ah, would you look at that! Action figures in their original packaging-what a shock"
"Guys, we need to talk" Sam says.
"Yeah, um, sorry guys. We're ahhh, a little but busy right now"
"Ok well we'll make it quick. We need you to shut down your website" Dean says. Ed laughs.
"Man, you know, these guys got us busted last night, spent the night in a holding cell..."
"I had to pee in that cell urinal. In front of people. And I get stage fight"
"Why should we trust you guys?" Ed asks.
"Look guys. We all know what we saw last night, what's in the house. But now thanks to your website there are thousands of people hearing about Mordechai" Y/N says.
"That's right. Which means people are gonna keep showing up at the Hell House, running into him in person, somebody could get hurt"
"Yeah, yeah..."
"Ed maybe he's got a point, maybe...."
"Nope..."
"No"
"We have an obligation to our fans, to the truth" Ed says.
"Well, I have an obligation to kick both your little asses right now-"
"Dean--Dean, hey, hey, just, forget it, all right? These guys ..." Sam sighs "probably bitch slap them both, I could probably even tell them that thing about Mordechai ... but they're still not gonna help us. Let's just go"
"Whoa... whoa..."Ed and Harry say in unison.
"Yeah, you're right"
"Oh well, there loss" Y/N says. The three start to walk away, Ed and Harry trailing behind."
"What you say about...?" Ed asks.
"Hang on a second here"
"Wait...wait"
"What thing about Mordechai you guys?"
"Don't tell 'em Sam" Dean says.
"But if they agree to shut the website down Dean"
"They're not going to do it, you said so yourself" Y/N says.
"No wait. Wait. Don't listen to him, ok? We'll do it. We'll do it"
"It's a secret Sam"
"Look, it is a really big deal all right. And it wasn't easy to dig up. So only if we have your word that you'll shut everything down" Y/N says to Ed and Harry.
"Totally" Sam, Dean and Y/N look at each other.
"All right" Sam says. Dean hands them some paperwork.
"It's a death certificate. From the '30s. We got it at the library. Now according to the coroner, the actual cause of death was a self-inflicted gunshot wound"
"That's right he didn't hang or cut himself"
"He shot himself?" Ed mutters.
"Yep. With a .45 pistol. To this day they say he's terrified of them"
"Matter of fact they say if you shoot him with a .45, loaded with these special wrought-iron rounds -- it'll kill the sonuvabitch" Dean says. Ed and Harry snigger gleefully. Harry spins and bolts back toward the trailer, Ed follows more slowly.
"Harry. Slow your roll buddy. They're gonna know we're excited"
==
In the cafe, Sam, Dean and Y/N are sat in a booth, Sam looking at his laptop, Y/N eating her cake. Dean reaches up to the 3D artwork of a fisherman holding a big fish and pulls the cord. The fisherman's mouth moves up and down and an extremely annoying laugh play. Sam pulls the cord to stop it.
"If you pull that string one more time, I'm gonna kill you" Dean, deadpan, stares at Sam while pulling the cord again. Sam immediately stops, glaring at Dean. Y/N smacks his arm. Dean snickers.
"Come on man, you need more laughter in your life. You know you're way too tense" Sam gives Dean another dirty look. Dean sighs.
"We've learned from reputable sources that Mordechai Murdock has a fatal fear of firearms. All right. How long do we wait?" Y/N asks.
"Long enough for the new story to spread, and the legend to change. I figure by nightfall iron rounds will work on the sucker" Sam holds his beer out to Dean and Y/N, who lifts their own and taps it.
"Sweet" Dean takes a long drink and Sam starts grinning. Dean goes to put the bottle down but it is stuck to his hand. Sam cracks up as Dean stares at it, confused.
"You didn't" Laughing, Sam holds up super glue.
"Oh, I did!" Y/N starts laughing and puts her beer bottle down. She then goes to put her spoon down, but it doesn't come off her hand.
"I should have known" Y/N says with a defeated look, trying to take the spoon off her hand. The twins shake their hands while Sam, laughing, pulls the string to set the fisherman laughing again.
==
Dean, Sam and Y/N enter the Hell house on alert, guns drawn, and begin a methodical search, staying back-to-back. Dean readjusts his gun hand.
"I barely have any skin left on my palm" Dean says, snarky.
"I'm not touching that line with a ten-foot pole" Y/N says. Dean shines his flashlight in Sam's face until he winces, then moves into the other room. Sam and Y/N follow. "So, you think old Mordechai's home?" Y/N asks.
I don't know"
"Me either" A voice says from behind. Sam, Dean and Y/N spins, pointing their guns at Ed and Harry.
"WHOA!! WHOA!!"
"What are you trying to do, get yourself killed?"
"We're just trying to get a book and a movie deal, ok?" Ed replies. From the basement comes the sound of knives being sharpened. Sam and Dean are immediately back on alert "Oh crap" Ed and Harry crowd in close behind Sam, Dean and Y/N with their cameras "Ah, guys, you wanna...you wanna open that door for us?"
"Why don't you" Y/N says. Mordechai bursts through the door holding an axe and screaming. Sam, Y/N and Dean empty their gun chambers. He holds on, then wavers and disappears into mist. Sam, Dean and Y/N wait a beat, then take off to ensure the other rooms are clear.
"Oh God. He's gone. He's gone"
"Did you get him?" Harry asks
"Yeah, they got him?"
"No, on camera, did you get him on camera"
"Ah, ah, I"
"Let me see it, let me see it" Harry takes the camera and flips it open. Mordechai appears, slams his axe through the camera, forcing Harry to the ground and disappears. Dean runs in.
"Hey! Didn't you guys post that B.S. story we gave you?" He asks.
"Of course, we did" Sam and Y/N appears in the other door, gun at the ready.
"But then our server crashed"
"Yeah"
"So, it didn't take?" Y/N asks.
"UH...mmm..."
"So, these, these guns don't work"
"Yeah"
Great. Sam, Y/N, and ideas?"
"We are getting outta here"
"Yeah. Come on, Ed" Harry says, grabbing Ed. Harry and Ed run past Dean to the other room, where Mordechai appears again. Screaming, they run to the front door but it is locked. Mordechai follows them.
"Jesus Mary and Joseph"
"The power of Christ compels you; the power of Christ compels you. THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU" Ed shouts.
"HEY! Come and get it you ugly son of a bitch" Sam says behind them. They fight until Mordechai pins Sam against the wall, axe across his throat.
"Get out of here, now!" Sam says to Ed and Harry.
"We're out of here..." Dean and Y/N are in the other room splashing kerosene everywhere. Mordechai lifts Sam off his feet with the pressure of the axe on his throat.
"Dean! Y/N!" Sam shouts, gasping and the two appears.
"HEY!" The two shouts in unison. Y/N holds up a spray bottle and lights the gas, a plume of fire appears.
"Go, go, go!" Dean says to Sam. Sam runs past them, Dean and Y/N follows, Y/N pulling Sam as he stops and leans over, holding his throat.
"Mordechai can't leave the house, we can't kill him-We improvise" Dean holds up his lighter, flicks it, and throws it back into the room. It bursts into flames and the three run outside.
"That's your solution? Burn the whole damn place to the ground"
"Well, nobody will go in anymore. I mean look, Mordechai can't haunt a house if there's no house to haunt. It's fast and dirty but it works" Dean says.
"Well, what if the legend changes again and Mordechai is allowed to leave the house?"
Well-well then, we'll just have to come back" Y/N says. They watch the house burn.
"Kinda makes you wonder. Of all the things we hunted, how many existed just cuz people believe in them"
==
Sam, Y/N and Dean are hanging out by a picnic table at the trailer park. Ed and Harry approach carrying grocery bags.
"I was thinking that Mordechai has a really super high attack bonus" Harry says.
"Man, I got the munchies right now" Ed turns his attention to Sam and Dean "Gentlemen" Then he looks at Y/N "Pretty Lady"
"Hey guys"
"Should we tell 'em"
"Hey, might as well, you know, they're going to read about it in the trades"
"So, this morning we got a phone call from a very important Hollywood producer.
"Oh yeah, wrong number?" Dean asks.
"No, smart-ass. He read all about the Hell House on our website and wants to option the motion picture rights. Maybe even have us write it" They place their grocery bags into a totally overloaded car.
"And create the RPG"
"The what?" Y/N asks.
"Role playing game" Ed replies.
"Right"
"A little lingo for you. Anyhoo, ahh, excuse us, we're off to la-la-land."
"Well congratulations guys. That sounds really great"
"Yeah. That's awesome, best of luck to you"
"Oh yeah, luck. That has nothing to do with it. It's about talent. Sheer unabashed talent" They nod at each other.
"Later" Ed says, making a hand gesture. They get in the car and start pulling off.
"See ya round"
"Wow" Y/N says, watching them leave.
"I have a confession to make" Sam says.
"What's that"
"I, uh...I was the one that called them and told them I was a producer" Dean and Y/N laughs.
"Yeah well we're the ones who put the dead fish in their back seat" Dean says, gesturing to himself and Y/N.
"Dude, that thing stunk" Sam laughs then seconds later all three of them are laughing.
"Truce?" Sam asks. Y/N and Dean looks at each other and nods.
"Yeah truce" she says.
"At least for the next 100 miles" Dean adds. They climb into the Impala and take off.
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Gender roles in hobbies
I’m glad gender expectations are changing and here is why.
As a child, I was always shamed for being interested in toys that were marketed towards boys. When I was 5, I wanted Hot Wheels cars so badly. I would see the commercials about the new track that would launch the cars and make them go through loops. But due to societal norms, I thought I wasn’t allowed to ask for them. I would go over to my neighbor’s house to play with his cars.
I loved Pokemon and video games. I had a Nintendo 64 console and would play all sorts of Mario and Pokemon games. I could recite the name of every one of the 150 original Pokemon and could even tell you the height and weight of some.
My friends at school were almost all boys. I was in Girl Scouts. I was friendly with most of the girls in my troop, but I didn’t fit in with their groups. I would have a good time but I wasn’t interested in talking about dance or gymnastics, I wanted to talk about Pokemon.
My hair was cut into a blunt, chin length bob most of the time. I didn’t want long hair. My sisters are 7 and 12 years older than me and would spend hours in front of the mirror putting on makeup or doing their hair. I would watch them. I would always tell them I’d never wear makeup and they’d respond with “wait until you’re older”. Society encouraged me to have some tomboy superiority complex that I’m thrilled I grew out of.
I spent many years being a tomboy. In 2007, I was 14 and I discovered pop-punk music and eyeliner. Despite being embarrassed about who I was when I was 14, I’m really grateful for this time period of my life.There was a lot of androgyny in the music scene and boys would wear the tightest girl jeans they could find and everyone painted their nails black and wore heavy eyeliner that mimicked a raccoon.
Because of this, I learned that items truly have no gender and also taught me to embrace my more feminine side. Girls on Myspace who were the pioneers of influencing online would be so beautiful with their ripped black skinny jeans and tank top with lightning bolts encouraged me that I could be tomboyish but still feminine. Clothing looked a lot like this around this time.
My love for eyeliner eventually led me to a love for all cosmetics. If you had told my 8-year-old self that I’d work in a makeup store and occasionally freelance bridal makeup, I would have never believed you. Assigning gender roles to hobbies creates a lifetime of insecurities.
I wish I never felt shame in wanting those hot wheels cars when I was young. I wish I had asked for them because my parents would have bought them for me. I come across them in stores every so often and part of me wants to buy them to appease my inner child. I try to buy things I wanted as a child sometimes. We owe it to our younger selves. I truly believe that it’s a part of our healing processes. It’s a form of self-care.
I see my nieces liking some of the same things I did as a child and it’s really comforting to know that they won’t feel the same gender shame that I felt. They can freely like Pokemon as much as boys can and there are even “feminine” Pokemon products out there like hair berets. Future generations will be able to fully indulge in things that make them happy; regardless of marketing.
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2023 Reflections
This year it has become a goal for me to become more confident in the way I dress and the clothes I wear. I also don't want to buy pieces that I never wear/ buy too much (not that that's an actual issue for me right now). Here's what that means to me...
There's this guy in my class who often wears the same outfit/ variation of an outfit everyday. And the thing is he looks good in it, he's actively conscious of his impact on the environment. I want to take that idea and apply it to myself, have a capsule wardrobe type thing in which I have a relatively small amount of clothes I can mix and match each day and feel happy with the resulting look.
In the binchtopia episode 'SHEINvestigation', the girls discuss the labour impacts of SHEIN as well as the environmental impacts of the company. They discuss the idea of wearing something so that the cost per wear becomes negligible to you, that you've really got your money out of it. In fact, I heard a girl in my class explain that concept to the iconic Mr. One Outfit (perhaps she's a binchie). Personally, I have clothes that I have worn again and again and again for the past 5 or 6 years continuously, my cost per wear for each has to be under a penny by now. But it's also this experience that has satiated my need to break out of the cycle of the same outfits I've been wearing since I was 12. That's not to say I'm throwing them away, of course not! Most of them are graphic t-shirts which can be layered under any old jumper, or jeans which are always good to have on hand. I just need change.
Personally, I've never been a customer or a fan of SHEIN. I'm not one for online shopping in the first place but even I could see that the rate and price of which they churn out products is incomprehensible (I mean here's a graph of what BOF calls an 'Incomparable Churn'). I've been tempted by sites like aliexpress before but SHEIN has never crossed my mind in this way. With the knowledge I have now of the company I would never buy from them but it's funny how I draw the line just below what I do myself. Yes, SHEIN is the by fair the worst but can I say I'm much better than their average consumers when I turn to Primark and H&M for clothes? I don't think so.
Thrifting, whether through vintage markets or charity shops, has been a great delight for me. There's no guarantee that I'll find anything of note but the chance is always there. Some of the items I've picked up from charity shops have been items I will cherish forever, items I've received continuous praise for. There's a certain magic about charity shops that keeps drawing me back. For example, when I went camping on the Isle of Wight with friends we realised we didn't have a pump for our friend's air mattress. As soon as we arrived in Newport town we headed inside an Oxfam (we among with keen thrifters), wouldn't you know it? An air pump! On our first try. There truly is something for anyone in there.
I have nice clothes. At least I think I do. But I find myself not wearing them. Why? What nice occasion am I waiting for? Is it because I feel like I look like I'm dressing in costume every time I do-- trying so hard- too hard to fit in? This year I want to understand the people who dress up to go to the supermarket, and look nice while running errands. It's less of a pursuit for 24/7 perfection and more to feel confident at all times. I used to dress to look invisible, in many ways I still do. But in recent times I too have found myself thinking out my outfit for a sunny morning walk.
It's Winter and I'm currently in a fashion slump, all of my good outfits require a resilience to the cold that I don't have yet. Walking though the isles of Primark I thought I found a quite nice jumper, but I think instead I'll look through the charity shops if I buy anything at all :)
#reya's writing#fashion thoughts#lowkey a stream of consciousness#2023 goals#new year resolutions#i aint reading all that#im happy for you tho or sorry that happened
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Having an immediate family who never really do anything toxic or dramatic is really funny because the smallest thing can cause dissent since they’re not really used to conflict
#the latest ~family drama~ is that my granddad’s favourite jumper (american translation: sweater) that he’s been wearing for about 20 years#has finally worn out#some necessary background info is that my granddad is the only person in my family who has less clothes than i do. he just doesn’t buy them#he’s got about two jumpers; enough shirts for the week; and maybe 3-5 pairs of trousers in various styles#i don’t think he owns any jeans. he might have a suit somewhere for weddings and funerals#so he just wears variations of the same thing every day basically. my grandma is constantly doing laundry so he can have clothes#because he is too cheap to buy any more clothes since ‘he has the necessities’#all of this means he has no concept of how much money a good quality jumper costs in the year of our lord 2021#he eventually grudgingly agreed to give my mum £20 to order him a jumper online and she found a suitable one from cotton traders#(criteria for ‘suitable’: crew neck; regular fit; mostly cotton; a neutral colour; absolutely no patterns whatsoever)#i sent her a link to a h&m sweater and she was like ‘he will think it makes him look gay. also it’s too baggy’#i was like ‘just buy a smaller size?? also you can get him two of them for this price’ she said ‘no’#anyway so now he has his navy crew neck cotton traders sweatshirt and he’s very happy with it#but now my grandma is lecturing him saying he can’t eat his dinner while wearing it because she doesn’t want him to spill something on it#and my mum is relaying all of this to me since she goes to their house for lunch every sunday (she’s in their support bubble)#and i’m just dying to be honest like... how can one old man’s jumper cause this much dissent#it just makes me laugh that he now has only one jumper (which he has also been wearing for probably as long as i’ve been alive)#and yet he is so picky about what type of sweater he wants and that it cannot be interesting or unusual in any way#i don’t know if it makes it funnier or not that my granddad is loaded. like £20 is definitely Not his maximum sweater budget#he just wasn’t willing to spend any more than that#personal
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𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙮 𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙖𝙡 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 (𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘐) || sub!bucky barnes x dominatrix!reader
𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 || every client is different, with different needs; but this client is, in every way, exceptional.
𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩 || 5k
𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 || smut (cnc), dom/sub relationship, ‘mistress’ title, pain kink, cockwarming, orgasm denial/control, use of a cockring, slapping, objectification/degradation, some angst and hurt/comfort, crying after sex, touchstarved!bucky
new parts posted on thursdays! join the taglist here
"And you can promise complete and total discretion?” the deep and husky voice on the other end of the line repeated, low enough that it was almost a whisper.
You laughed a little. “Of course,” you answered. Most clients were serious about privacy, but this guy was next level. He must be famous, you thought to yourself, or married. Or both.
But just as much as your clients wanted to keep you separate from their personal life, you would rather they know nothing about who you are. Of course it was always a risk, since nobody could hide their face and you had to work out of your apartment, but you did what you could to keep your job just that— a job.
You told your friends you were a consultant, because people didn’t question that. Sure, it was hard to keep up the lie sometimes when you got last-minute bookings and had to cancel plans, but it was worth it for the money these men were willing to pay.
And this new guy? He was shelling out all kinds of cash, on a long set of conditions. Including an NDA. You wouldn’t have given him up either way, but if the contract made him feel better (and made him pay more) then you were happy to sign it.
“So it’s all anonymous, then? No ID, no credit card…?” he pressed.
“I mean, if cash is easier for you—”
“It is.”
You were starting to worry that this was a major red flag, as if he didn’t want to be traceable back to you at all. It was almost a dealbreaker, until you glanced down at the legal pad you’d written his offer on and remembered that you couldn’t afford to turn him down. “Then cash is fine,” you decided, making a note to yourself to have 911 already dialed when he came by in case his aversion to ID was really about a desire to get away with something.
“When can we start?”
“Um, well the soonest I can do is tomorrow at seven” you explained.
"Great, I'll be there," he answered firmly, apparently about to hand up.
“Hey, hey, slow down!” you chuckled. “Can I at least get a name?”
“I didn’t think we needed to do names.”
“We don’t… but if you’re willing, I’d like to know something to call you.”
“James,” he answered after a tense pause. “James is fine.”
“Alright, James, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Upon opening the door, you instantly noticed three things about him: he was tall, he was big, and he was sexy.
You had sort of been hoping that his appearance wouldn’t match his voice, but it did, and it was going to make this so much harder. Maybe easier in a few ways, but overall worse. It was important that you didn’t get too emotionally invested with your clients.
His eyes were dragging over you like he was just as taken aback. Which was odd, because he must have seen your picture online before he called you.
“James,” you greeted. “Glad you made it.”
You stepped aside to let him enter, guiding him to take a seat in your living room. Before clients came by, you hid any signs of life and kept the space as neutral as possible, which was why the only furniture was the white couch he sat on, the black chair across from it, and a glass table in between.
You sat in the black chair and crossed your legs, noticing with pride the way his eyes studied your every move.
“It’s important that we have a discussion about boundaries and limits before this goes any further," you explained sternly, and he nodded slightly. "Tell me what you do and don't want."
“Uh, well, I guess I was just looking for… somebody who can administer, um, discipline… you know, someone who sets rules and enforces them. But could also be kind of, uh, sweet I guess, to. Not too sweet, just… not too mean either."
You smiled a little; he sounded right up your alley. "I can do that."
"You should know I… I have a… disability. My left arm it's, um, it's a prosthetic."
"How would you like me to accommodate that?"
"Just don't say anything about it, please. Treat it like a normal arm. And, uh, if you could ignore my scars, too…" he added awkwardly.
"Of course,” you nodded, “I would never want to make you feel insecure."
"Well, I mean, I'm not against degradation," he admitted sheepishly, making you smile a little.
"Right: that's different. Anything else you're distinctly not against?"
“I can take a lot of pain,” he explained matter-of-factly. “However much you think I can handle, double it. I wanna feel it.”
You could almost hear the words he wasn’t saying: I wanna feel something.
“Okay, we can do that. You’ve probably heard of the color system," you posited.
“I haven’t.”
"Oh." That threw you off slightly… how new was he to this scene? “Well, it’s traditionally green, yellow, red; like a stoplight. Red means stop. Yellow means proceed with caution. Green means continue.”
“Sounds simple enough.”
“Too simple for me, in fact. I have my own version: ‘red’ will make me stop what I’m doing, but only ‘black’ ends the scene entirely. And then there’s ‘blue.’ That means you want more.”
He smirked a little; a strong show of emotion compared to his stoicism so far. “I think I’ll use that one most.”
“Just don’t be afraid to use anything else, alright? I’d never be disappointed in you for safewording, or even just needing a break.”
He nodded. “Can we get to it then?”
“You’re rushing as always,” you laughed. “I’m not charging you for this part. We have plenty of time— don’t we?”
“Yes, but—” he sighed. “You look really… I walked in and, I guess I’m just really looking forward to this.”
You almost would’ve smiled at the compliment but you thankfully suppressed it. “And what is it that you’re looking forward to? What do you want me to do to you?”
His jaw tightened as he looked away from you. “Um, there’s a lot.”
“Enlighten me.”
“Ropes. Strongest you have. I can buy you stronger ones if you need them, for next time…”
He’s already thinking about next time? He’s already thinking about buying me things?
“Alright, I can do ropes: wrists and ankles? Or more than that?”
He seemed a bit confused by that question. “Is there anywhere else?”
“Torso,” you enumerated, “neck—” you stopped because you saw his reaction to that, and it made you smile a bit. “Okay, so maybe the neck is something to try. Do you like being choked?”
“I… I don’t know…” he sighed.
“Have you ever been choked before?”
“Not… sexually...”
You felt your eyebrows rise, but didn’t want to press; a story for another time, perhaps.
“We’ll have to discuss silent safewords and signals so you can tap out, but if you’d be willing to try it—”
“Yes.”
You laughed. “Eager, are we?”
He swallowed, and you wondered if you shouldn’t have let your ‘dom voice’ slip out in that moment… but he looked so good flustered like that. He adjusted himself slightly in his chair and you hoped he was already hard. And with that thought in mind, you couldn’t stop yourself from teasing him further.
“Do you like being called certain things?” you asked, voice lower as you leaned forward. “How do you feel about ‘pet’?”
He almost kept up his poker face, but his gaze faltered at the same time he moved in his chair again. “Um, ‘pet’ is okay.”
“Baby boy?”
“Not really my speed,” he shrugged.
You slipped out of your chair and stood up, approaching him slowly as the click of your heels echoed across the tile. He watched you with wide eyes and quickening breaths.
“What do you like? Tell me,” you demanded, though you kept your tone light.
“Uh,” he paused, watching your hand as it rested on his leg, “I like… I like being called a good boy.”
You grinned as you pulled your hand away, watching him tense up with disappointment. “I can do that,” you agreed, lifting his chin with a finger until he looked at you with those beautiful, desperate eyes, “if you actually are being a good boy for me.” “I will,” he promised quickly, “I’ll be so good.”
“Mmm, I bet you will,” you purred. “So willing to please…”
“Tell me how,” he sighed as your hand trailed from his chin down to his chest, slipping under the loose collar of his henley and rubbing his chest. “Tell me how to please you.”
“Well, for starters, I have a name, too: Mistress.”
He sighed like the wind had been knocked out of him, but nodded.
“And if I ask you a question, I expect you to answer ‘Yes, Mistress’ or ‘No, Mistress’. Is that clear?”
“Uh-huh,” he agreed before suddenly correcting himself, “um, yes, Mistress.”
“I’ll let you have that one,” you frowned, “but further infractions will be punished.”
“Yes, Mistress; I’m sorry, Mistress,” he moaned, melting under your touch as your hand moved down to rub his thigh through his jeans.
“Now, just for fun,” you smiled, leaning down until your lips were nearly brushing his ear, “tell me what you want.”
“Please touch me, Mistress,” he sighed.
“But I am touching you.”
“Touch my… touch my cock," he clarified, adorably embarrassed. "It’s so hard for you…”
“We’ll get to that eventually. Let’s go to the bedroom first, okay?”
However good he looked standing in your doorway half an hour ago, it was nothing compared to how he looked naked and hard and tied to your bed.
Yes, the prosthetic and the scars that attached it to his body were hard to ignore. He had failed to warn you that it was metal, so you couldn’t hide the slight shift of your face when it caught the light; you hoped he didn’t think it was a look of judgment or disgust, because you truly didn’t think it was anything upsetting. Maybe the scars were a little worrying… but they didn’t seem to bother him now, at least physically.
But truly, if anything was distracting about his body, it wasn’t the arm. It was his muscles— no wait, it had to be his cock, right? It’s tough to call: on one hand, his entire body was toned and hardened beyond the peak of human conditioning, his thick thighs making your mouth water already, his chiseled abs almost making you jealous; but on the other hand, between those lovely thighs and curving up against those perfect abs was a cock that rivalled anything you'd ever seen before, with a blue vein running up one side and a drip of precum rolling down the other.
You finally sauntered up to the bed and ran your fingers over the taught ropes, pretending to ignore him watching you impatiently. It was almost hotter knowing that he could pull out of the ropes if he really wanted to. More than most, he was choosing to submit to them and to you.
“How’s this knot feel? Too tight?” you hummed, tugging the rope just beside his wrist and watching his hand move limply with it.
“No, it’s good.”
You stepped back to the foot of the bed and stripped slowly, peeling off your black dress to reveal a matching lace set underneath. You left your heels on as you stepped out of the dress and kicked it aside.
Turning back to face him, James looked like he was all but drooling. You could see in his eyes how much he wished the ropes weren’t holding him back so he could run his hands all over your body.
But you could tell he craved being denied what he wanted, by the way his cock flexed of its own volition.
You let yourself smile as you crawled your way up the bed and over his body, like a panther stalking its prey, and boy did he look ready to be devoured.
"Are you scared?" you asked quietly. He shook his head. "Are you ready?"
He nodded. You sat up as you straddled him, positioned just right such that no part of you was really touching him, and watched with delight as he tugged against the ropes slightly to try to get closer.
"So needy," you grinned, somewhere between praising and scolding him. Your fingers ghosted over his chest and he shivered; he asked you to treat his prosthetic like a normal arm, so you dragged your nails down the metal and watched his eyes flutter shut. When you pulled your hand back and left him untouched again, he whined slightly.
“Aw, poor thing,” you pouted as you examined him, desperation emanating off of him in an invisible aura. “Your cock is all red and leaking… it must hurt, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, Mistress,” he groaned.
“What if I touch it a little?” you offered.
“Please…”
You traced your fingers lightly up and down his length, tickling the skin and giving him the least pressure that you could. He whimpered and you chuckled mockingly. “I said I’d touch it a little, sweet boy, are you not satisfied?”
He bucked up into your touch as best he could, causing you to pull your hand away. “Baby, please—”
You cut him off with a slap to the face, as hard as you could muster.
“Mistress!” he corrected with a whine. “Mistress, please… please wrap your hand around it.”
“Around what?”
“Around… my cock. Stroke me, please…”
“All you had to do was ask,” you grinned, finally tightening your hand around him and moving slowly up and down the shaft. His head fell back with a soft moan, just from that. Your teasing had certainly helped get him this worked up, but you knew it wasn't just that… he was plenty sensitive all on his own, apparently.
It made your mouth water.
"Does this feel good, James?" you asked huskily.
"S-so good," he whimpered, "please can you… stroke it a little faster, please, Mistress…"
"Hmm, not yet," you decided, feeling him tense up beneath you. "Relax," you instructed with a free hand rubbing his thigh gently.
You continued to teasingly stroke his length, never quite giving him the pressure or speed he needed to get closer to his release, savoring every whimper and whine and sigh from him along with the satisfying weight of his cock against your palm.
It felt like you'd never get tired of wielding so much power in your hand.
"Please," he sighed, "I need more…"
"You want me to stroke you faster?" you pressed, already knowing that wasn't what he meant. He shook his head and you grinned, leaning in closer but letting go of his cock.
Slowly, you let the lace covering your core rub up against his shaft, and his eyes nearly rolled back in his head. "Ohhhhh," he moaned, "oh fuck, Mistress…"
You grinned and kept rocking against him, easily feeling the warmth of him through your panties— meaning he, in turn, could feel the warmth of you. "How does it feel, baby?"
"Good," he choked out, "really, really good… fuck, I want more, I need more, please…"
"Are you my good boy, James?" you asked in a low purr. He nodded eagerly, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed nothing. "Do you want to be inside me?" you finally whispered against his ear, letting a finger run lazily up his spine and feeling him shiver so hard it was more like he was convulsing.
"Please, Mistress, I'll do anything…"
You didn't touch all of your clients sexually, due in part to the fact that they usually wanted a lot more pain than pleasure. You'd only had sex with one or two of them, and it wasn't a routine thing. Before today you never would've imagined doing this with a first-time client, but to be completely honest… he was fucking hot. The kind of guy you'd be spreading your legs for instantly if you weren't at work and he wanted to buy you a drink or grab lunch. And he was here, at your disposal, begging you for more. How could you say no?
You pulled your panties aside and gripped his cock tightly to guide it to your entrance, studying his face twisted in anticipation before sinking down and watching him gasp and sigh all at once, somehow.
It took a lot of effort to hide your own pleasure when he was stretching you out so perfectly, but you managed to suppress the desire to moan and just smile at his fucked-out expression instead.
Finally, your hips met with his and you got to sit there and enjoy the look of dawning agony as he realized you were staying completely still.
“Move, please,” he sobbed, “oh god, Mistress, please move…”
“But I thought you wanted to be inside me? Isn’t this what you asked for?”
He whined and tried to wiggle his hips; all that got him was two hard slaps to the face.
“No whining,” you instructed through your teeth. “Good boys don’t whine.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he whimpered, “‘m your good boy, I promise.”
“I know you are,” you grinned, “or at least, I know you can be. Show me how good and patient you are.”
Reaching to the side a bit without getting off of him, you pulled a vibrator from your drawer. His eyes went a little wide when he saw it, and you laughed.
"Don't worry, this isn't for you. It's for me," you explained as you turned it on, inserting it between your body and his to touch the toy against your clit. He winced as you sighed contentedly. "Fuck, it feels good. Can you feel it on your cock?"
"A… a little…" he hissed.
"I bet it feels good for you too," you posited, "but not good enough to make you come."
After a little pause, he nodded breathlessly.
"Good," you smiled. "I just wanna come with your cock inside me. I wanna know how it feels to get off with my favorite toy while being full of my newest toy."
"Fuck," he groaned.
"Do you like that, pretty boy? Do you like me using your cock, being your Mistress' dumb little fucktoy?"
"Yes," he sobbed, hips shifting ever so slightly beneath you as he sought more stimulation from your flexing walls. Shifting the vibe to hit right on your clit, you cried out— and he did too, at the feeling of you tightening around him.
"God, you love being Mistress' dildo, don't you?"
He nodded, biting hard on his lip until you worried he'd hurt himself. He moaned again as another jolt of pleasure forced your channel to clench on his cock.
"You're making too much noise for a fucktoy, you need to be quiet."
He opened his mouth for a second, but closed it again and nodded instead.
"You can do it yourself right?" you pressed, seeing him nod. "You don't need me to gag that pretty mouth?"
He whined but shook his head, keeping his lips pressed together.
That went on for a few more moments as you teased yourself with the vibe, hoping to draw this out for the sake of his struggle. Wanting to up the ante, you took the vibe off your clit and turned it off for a moment. "I think this would feel better with a little lube… will you get it wet for me, James?"
You brought the toy to his lips and he eagerly wrapped them around it, sucking lightly on the silicone with those pretty lashes resting on his cheeks.
"There you go, that's a good boy," you praised, pulling the toy from his mouth, "that's my good boy…"
"Yours…" he repeated weakly, "wanna be good for you, just for you…"
This time when you turned it on and pressed it to your clit again, you instantly gasped and felt your walls bare down on him; turning up the vibration, you actually moaned aloud and saw him wince. "Oh, can you feel it now?" you asked tauntingly. He bit his lip and nodded.
It really wasn't even intentional but you felt your hips start to rock, making him gasp as his eyes shot open. For a guy who had been begging you to move not too long ago, he looked pretty overwhelmed by it now.
"Fuck, I'm gonna make myself come on your cock… do you wanna feel me come, baby?"
He seemed conflicted, which was exactly what you were going for. You wanted him to struggle, just enough, between his need to satisfy himself and his desire to please you. "I… I want to make you come, Mistress," he finally choked out, notably answering a slightly different question than the one you'd asked.
You smiled and leaned in to whisper in his ear: "Are you afraid that if you feel me come around you, you won't be able to hold back? That you might accidentally come inside me?"
He made a needy little groan and nodded.
"Don't worry, baby, I'm gonna help you," you promised sweetly, but of course as soon as he saw you grab a cockring from your drawer he changed his tune.
"N-no, Mistress, please," he begged with wide eyes, "I'll be good, just not that— don't put that on me."
You smirked and sat up, pulling off of him and slowly slipping the ring on his throbbing length as he quietly pleaded for mercy. He winced when you pushed it down to the base of him, his cheeks burning hot red now.
"Is it a little too tight, baby?" you cooed, grinning when he nodded. "Good."
You sank back down into him and let your hips grind on his, working your clit with the vibe and even kicking it up to the next highest setting. He jolted beneath you, clearly feeling the vibrations strongly now, and you let the view of his beautifully broken facial expression egg on your own climax.
"Mm, I'm close, baby," you whispered, "just stay still and let Mistress use you like a good little boy."
He made a small noise through his teeth but seemed to manage okay, even when your walls began to pulse rhythmically around him and your head fell back, your free hand palming at your breast through the lace bra just to add that last little edge of sensation.
"Oh fuck, fuck," you moaned, "that's my good boy…"
You shakily pulled the vibe away and turned it off, still a little numb on your clit but feeling your channel still rippling slightly with aftershocks; he seemed to feel them in spite of their subtlety, if the panting breaths that filled his muscular chest rapidly were any indication.
As slow as you could manage, you pulled your body off of him and sat back on his legs to stare at his cock. The remnants of your orgasm left plenty of lubrication to stroke it, focusing on the head which had turned almost purple now.
"M-Mistress," he groaned, writhing under your touch.
Amazingly, his cock was already flexing in your hand, and a growl of pride and hunger echoed in your chest.
“Oh fuck, can you come for me, James?” you moaned, pumping him so fast your hand was a blur. “Can you be my good boy and come right through the cockring?”
“Yes,” he sobbed, “gonna come, Mistress, please—”
“Come right now,” you demanded, watching his face instantly fall slack as he spurted out onto his own chest and stomach, cock flexing and pulsing in your hands as his legs quivered and his hips thrusted wildly.
And the tears were flowing soon after. You weren’t sure if it was sub drop or just the power of his release, but between weak sobs he whispered broken apologies.
“You did so good,” you cooed as you slipped off the ring and wrapped your arms around him, subtly trying to reach over to untie the ropes. But you didn’t need to; he flexed his arms and the restraints popped like floss. He embraced you in return as you let his head fall onto your chest. “You’re so good, it’s okay,” you continued, stroking his hair.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated again, breathing quickly and wetting you with his tears.
This, you realized, is what he had made you sign the contract to protect. It wasn’t that he was excessively embarrassed about his sexual proclivities, but that this was his space to be soft, and weak, and broken. Apparently he wasn’t ready for anyone else to know that he wasn’t steel all the way down.
“Shh, it’s okay… you’re okay…” you breathed, indulging him in this moment even though it was more intimate than you preferred to get with customers. Aftercare was an important part of your job, certainly, but so was enforcing boundaries.
He began to soothe as you kissed his forehead gently, whispering well-deserved affirmations and praise. As his breathing slowed and moved back to normal, he pulled back and looked up at you.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated one more time, but not as wavering as before, “I didn’t think I would… that was unexpected.”
“No, it’s somewhat normal,” you exaggerated slightly, “this kind of thing… it’s taxing, I pushed you to your limits. You were really tough, and it’s all very vulnerable.”
“Thanks,” he sighed, sniffling and wiping his eyes. “And sorry about your ropes,” he smiled as he noticed the frayed ends coming off of where his wrists were still tied.
“Let me help you get those off,” you smiled, loosening the knots and sliding the binds off of him, quickly massaging the places that the rope had constricted. “Blood flow’s okay?”
“Yep,” he nodded.
“You numb anywhere?” you pressed.
“Uh, just my dick. And my brain is all fuzzy…”
You smiled. “Can’t help the first one. Let me get you some water for the second.”
“No!” he yelped suddenly. “Um, don’t go yet, please…”
“Of course,” you smiled. “I’ll untie your ankles, then.”
He still seemed disappointed, as if he expected you to hug him for hours and never move. He let you go this time, though, and loosened his grip so you could slide down to the foot of the bed.
"Was that sort of what you were hoping for when you called me?" you asked as you untied the ropes slowly and took a moment to massage the skin underneath, hoping to restore any lost blood flow.
"So much better than what I was hoping for," he admitted with a breathless chuckle. "You're… really good."
"Well, thank you," you shrugged, "it comes with practice and experience. You held your own, too."
"I wish I could say that was from practice and experience. I didn't want to say anything before but I've, uh, never actually… been to a domme before."
You smiled slightly, coming back up and being pulled into another embrace. "Um, I'll admit I can kind of tell…" you mumbled.
"I'm not supposed to touch you like this," he realized quietly, relaxing his grip on you and pulling back. "I'm sorry."
"No, it's alright, just don't get too comfortable because we only have—" you glanced at the clock— "eight more minutes until you need to leave."
"I'll get up and get dressed soon," he offered with a sigh as you got up and quickly slipped on a robe, grabbing him a damp washcloth for the drying come on his torso.
You tilted your head as you watched him clean up, and you wanted to offer some touch that was a bit less intimate than a hug, so you found yourself blurting out: "do you like having your hair played with?"
"Um, I don't… I don't know," he admitted as he reached up to card his fingers through the hair in question. "No one else has ever really touched my hair before."
"Really?" you laughed, getting back on the bed to sit beside him. "It looks pretty luscious. I figured any girlfriend of yours would want to get her hands on it."
"Oh, well, the last time I had a girlfriend… it wasn't long then," he explained, and you kept on your best poker face. His hair looked like he'd been growing it out for at least two years, unless it grew crazy fast or something. How long had he been single? With a body like that you could barely believe that he was single now.
"Do you mind if I touch it?" you offered quietly, and once he gave you a nod you reached forward and combed your fingers through it, reaching deeper to scratch at his scalp, occasionally pulling the strands lightly into loose braid-like patterns that fell away almost immediately afterwards. He sank into your touch until you found yourself supporting his head against your chest, mindlessly playing with his hair until you noticed his eyes were shut, his breathing was slowed, and his body was limp on top of yours.
He fell asleep.
You laughed silently to yourself, realizing that you couldn't get him off of you without his cooperation since he was so heavy and you had no shot at lifting him. And, of course, his cooperation required his consciousness… which required waking him up.
And, for some reason, you couldn't bring yourself to do it. He just looked too peaceful, for a guy who had never seemed truly relaxed around you.
Was there any other way he could relax? Cause it kinda seemed like he really, really needed this. And you were in the business of meeting needs, to say the least.
So, with an apologetic text to your last client of the night that you needed to reschedule, you let James sleep on you as you closed your eyes and drifted off as well.
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