#also I hate Burger King

[bicheetopuff]

I saw a promo collab they did for burger king, and it's so funny like Katsuki only has the little paper crown he don't even work there 😭 he's just there to be around Izuku who is all nice and cute in the worker outfit

I saw that, and while the thought of Katsuki staying by Izuku’s side even at Burger King is cute, it honestly kinda makes me sad that the meme got so big that someone in charge agreed to collab with fast food joints to make money from the joke.

It feels like the core of bnha as a story was just ignored and it feels like the world just proved the narrative right. They watched Deku go from a quirkless kid with a dream to a kid who made the most with a borrowed power but missed the point that it was always his spirit that made him the hero he was, not his strength.

It’s just really disheartening how quickly fans decided to demean Izuku for being quirkless and saying that the story was “all for nothing” when Izuku getting a quirk and keeping it was never the end goal. From the beginning, he called it “borrowed.” The end goal was him being the best hero he could be with the limited time he had with that “borrowed power.” And that’s what he did…

Like, what did they take from the story? That quirkless people really are useless and have no place in society outside of a minimum wage job? Did they miss the fact that he became a teacher at the best hero school in Japan? Why did no one make fun of All Might when he lost OFA and became a full time teacher? Was All Might being the symbol of peace for, who knows how many years, all for nothing too?

I just don’t understand how someone can read a story where you’re supposed to empathize with this kid who’s been the victim of the society he lives in, only to somehow adopt the same attitude that that society had that the story so clearly portrayed as wrong. Not even just in Deku’s case either, quirk discrimination was a major part of Himiko, Spinner, and Shoji’s arcs too.

Multiple examples from different perspectives, yet most of the internet still managed to miss the point… and I think it’s gross how the misinterpretation of what the story was actually about is becoming bait for the sake of corporate greed. I didn’t look too much into it but whether that collab was agreed upon by SJ or Bones, it’s gross either way, especially when you think about the fact that they can make these marketing decisions without Horikoshi’s consent.

[blookmallow]

i like how instacart tells you if someone has shopped orders for you before like oh hey its michelle again. i wonder how many of the same doordash drivers ive had. do they see my order like ah theres the mcdonalds house again. i wonder what that job is like i bet you get really weird insight into the neighborhood doing that

[talentforlying]

principal difference between hellblazer/nbc constantine and 2005 keanu constantine imo, besides keanu constantine being american, is their attitudes toward food.

hellblazer/nbc constantine: pub food and hearty shit, meat and potatoes and stews and fish. appreciates a good meal, the effort/time it takes to cook it, and the social rituals that revolve around it. also has a taste for the finer things in life and will scam his way into high-end restaurants to fuck around and embarrass everyone there while eating goooood keanu constantine: runs on dunkin, lox bagels, and not much else. cannot keep things in his fridge or they will rot before he remembers to eat them. obliterates a mcdonalds hash brown in a single bite

[spagheddiediaz]

heeey~~ 💛💛💛

🌧🌼

NEWBIE 💕

🌧what do you like to do on a rainy day?

text amanda @forthewolves about how much i love the rain, snuggle w the dogs, and drink wine 🤭 and then go out and dance in it after like 2 glasses lmao

🌼go-to comfort food?

burger king. or a fully loaded chicken quesadilla w ranch 🫶🏻🫡

[mangostar]

does anybody actually like,, get and Enjoy hungry jacks

[cookinguptales]

when Burger King released their pokemon toys for the first time and every kid in our town lost their damn minds, my father ate a BK kids meal for lunch every day for weeks so I could get that togepi.

and that's love, I think.

[sliced-grapes]

who want to kill mat pat with me

[taniushka12]

everybody lend me your strength theres something i need to do but ive been procrastinating for three days now,,,

[mercury-sappho]

Not many people know this but it’s actually homophobic to make femmes wear boring and un-charismatic work uniforms

[deadsetobsessions]

Of all the places he could have been summoned to, Danny Phantom had never considered a private school’s bathroom to be one of them.

With glowing green skin, a shock of flickering flames for hair, and a suit made out of the spaces between collapsing stars, Danny stared down at the stupefied faces of Gotham Academy’s finest students. One of them had their face in their hands, having caught sight of him and undergoing all the stages of grief in but a moment.

They sat around a circle that he was appropriately impressed with considering the limited space they had to work with. Danny could see the empty stalls, some of which were adorned with drawings and writings that were left by the, no-doubt, extremely busy caretaker.

“Seriously, a bathroom?” Danny wrinkled his nose.

“Holy shit, that actually worked?” One of the kids blurted out, then slammed their hands on top of their mouth.

“Did you expect it not to?” Danny squinted at them, frowning. It’s Friday, so it’s not like he had much to do, but Danny would prefer it if his time wasn’t wasted.

“No- no, your… uh, highness?”

“All of that schooling and you’re still uneducated,” one of the other ones hissed at the red headed kid who spoke. It’s “Your Majesty.” He’s a king, idiot!”

That was a pretty solid burn but, “It’s actually just Phantom. Did you guys want something? I’m busy.”

He’s not busy, but who cares?

“Uh…” the kids exchanged glances. The one in the back sighed and spoke up. He adjusted his glasses.

“We’re sorry for bothering you, Phantom. You wouldn’t happen to have a solution for dimensional separation, would you?”

“Huh.” Danny tilted his head, face souring. “I hate dimensional issues. They’re the worst. Who’s causing them?”

“His name’s Klarion!” The one who slapped a hand across his mouth earlier piped up.

“Oh! The lords of chaos or whatever. Yeah, I can help, for a price.”

Danny is against unpaid labor. Extremely against it, considering his side gig is being a half-dead vigilante. Then again, are you really a vigilante if you’re not half dead on a regular basis?

“What do you want?” Despite the reluctance from earlier, it’s clear the one with the glasses made the big decisions in this weird friend group.

“… A hundred dollars.”

“That’s it? No stipulations?” When Danny nodded, the kid had a calculating expression. “Deal.” The teen said immediately. He pulled out cash and wow, Danny’s definitely in a place with a different tax bracket.

He snatched it. Nasty burger money!

“Deal’s a deal. Also, don’t ever summon me again, but if you do, don’t ever do it in a bathroom again. You kids are so weird.” Danny floated out of the circle, grinning sharply. He formed a small bird- he doesn’t know why, but it felt right- of ice and handed it to the kid with glasses. “There. Proof of the deal.”

With that, Danny disappeared. Private school kids were so fucking weird, but… Dash and his goons were probably worse. What’s a little ritualistic summoning in the face of teenagers?

——

“I leave you guys alone for ten minutes and you summon the king of the dead?” Robin narrowed his eyes at his teammates, traitors who had the good graces to look sheepish. “How could you?! I wanted to try, too!”

Kid Flash patted him on the shoulder, a granola bar appearing in his mouth now that the possible world ending terror disappeared. “Sorry, Rob. Maybe next time! Magic still isn’t real though.”

“I’m not doing this shit in a bathroom again,” Artemis rolled back to her feet. “He sounded like he was going to rip our bones out if we ever summoned him in a bathroom again.”

“Ugh…”

[teacup-captor]

I hate school I hate school I hate school I hate school

[suosgirl]

Party in the USA (the dayger’s going crazy)

Word Count: 15k+

୨ৎ Read me before interacting!

୨ৎ Characters: Hayato Suo, Haruka Sakura, Hajime Umemiya, Kotoha Tachibana, Jo Togame, Ren Kaji, Mitsuki Kiryu, Akihiko Nirei, Choji Tomiyama, Toma Hiragi, Kyotaro Sugishita, Taiga Tsugeura

୨ৎ Warnings: mdni, gn!reader, alcohol (lots of it), alcohol consumption, weed, weed consumption, cigarettes, ooc (most definitely), shitposting, for fun! – if I’ve missed one, I apologize + please let me know!

୨ৎ Note: I feel very well qualified to write about this. I have hands-on experience and feel strongly about this topic. Please feel free to send me an ask regarding any of my references (I have attended many, many daygers.) This is actually so americancore and niche of me – sorry (not sorry). Also! Don’t be fooled, I hate America!

Hajime Umemiya | “Hey! Hi! Are ya hungry?”

The first face you see when you walk in, all in his shirtless glory

An absolute king at grilling – he’s got burgers, hotdogs, skewers, the works

The lettuce and tomatoes? Yeah, he grew them

Will take every chance he has to tell everyone too

Be careful though – for as much as he’s hot, he’s also a yapper

Being behind the grill unlocks a side of him that not many know – his dad side

“There’s a lot at steak… it’s un-grill-ievable!”

Buzzed & responsible – doesn’t let himself get too lit when he’s grilling

But once everyone’s had their fill and he’s got some downtime? Oh he’s inviting everyone to shotgun a beer with him

Can slam down a can in like 3 seconds no joke

Then, he’ll turn to you with stars in his eyes waiting for your words of praise and acknowledgement (how do you tell him that he did it so fast that you didn't see it?)

Toma Hiragi | “Whaddya drinkin’?”

You’re telling me you WOULDN'T trust this man to get the best liquor for the party?

Gonna go out on a limb here and say that he leans toward either Hennessy or Casamigos

Throws back his shots like a fucking champ – no chase needed (he likes the burn of it)

Definitely a heavy weight, so he’s got at least 2 of whatever he’s drinking just in case

Also doesn’t drink chase because of his stomach, so you know – go big or go home

Never lets you pour your own shots (chivalry isn’t dead, everyone)

And … if you ask him nicely … he’ll birdfeed it to you

Ren Kaji | “Chase is over there – you need help getting it?”

With how much candy he has to inhale on a daily basis, it just makes sense that he would be getting the soda, juice, or whatever pairing he thinks goes well with the corresponding liquor

And he definitely went with Hiragi to pick everything up (so cute)

Also in charge of the playlist for the day (I know his music taste is impeccable)

If you tell him this, though, he’d try to be so nonchalant about it (inside his heart is doing little pitter patters)

I feel like he has little shit tendencies and once everyone is feeling good he’ll see how many times he can queue Party In The USA until someone notices (wears his headphone tho bc ofc he would get annoyed)

Akihiko Nirei | “I made it! It’s really good – want a sip?”

JUNGLE! JUICE! PRO!

I just know he’s got the most insane recipe in his notebook (he’s got the exact measurements and brand names too)

Based on countless interviews, many trial runs, and many hangovers –  he’s perfected it to a T

Literally one cup has everyone on a good one – and he’s somehow got it to not taste like alcohol at all?

So proud of it too – if you tell him how good it is he’s got hearts in his eyes and he’s offering to get you another cup (with your consent of course)

Haruka Sakura | “I just grabbed the first one I saw … is it good? Do you like it?”

He’s new to this you know, so he’s keeping it cute and simple and easy

Besides, you can never go wrong with a pack of seltzers

He’s so cute and flustered about it too –

Like imagine him standing in front of the fridges just looking at all of them and getting slowly overwhelmed by all the different types and seeing that they all have different alc % and it’s getting so confusing

He just grabs one that looks decently good or has a name that seems kinda familiar to him and he storms off

And it’s literally like Twisted Tea or White Claws or something

But, as I said, you can never go wrong with a nice basic seltzer

Compliment his choice (even if you know it was made on a whim) and he’ll blush (he blames it on the summer heat)

Hayato Suo | “Do you want me to get your back?”

Sweet, thoughtful king

Brings sunblock and aloe vera gel because he just knows that everyone else will forget the basic necessities

If you need help getting your back, he’s more than happy to offer his services

Also – who would he be if he didn’t bring green tea shots (it’s a given)

He actually created them not many people know that

It’s always the perfect ratio too – never too strong and never too weak (the perfect balance)

Anyways, also a heavyweight (potentially) but gets just a bit touchy when he’s buzzed

So when he offers to reapply sunblock on you despite having done it less than 30 minutes ago, who are you to say no?

Kyotaro Sugishita | “I need a partner … You any good?”

This man absolutely demolishes at beer pong

Never leaves the table actually (and stays undefeated the whole dayger)

He’s so tall like he’s got built-in stats for it already

If Umemiya takes a break from grilling and comes to join him? Oh they’re absolutely wiping everyone

If beer pong was an Olympic sport, Sugashita would’ve already been scouted

Because he’s so good, he doesn’t even need a partner that’s at the same level as him – he just needs a partner

But – to him, making at least one cup is better than nothing, and if you’re able to do just that? Oh, you’re never leaving his side

Mitsuki Kiryu | “You want a hit, cutie?”

It’s actually canon that Kiryu smokes like I just know it in my heart and soul

Loves to make different blends too, some with rose petals and some with lavender 

His blunts are so pretty too, and he’ll use pink wrapping papers

Also has a small bong just in case anyone wants it in that form — and also edibles

And also cigs

He has money, why wouldn’t he show out?

His lighters all have decoden on them too, and they all have his name spelled on it (he was tired of people stealing them)

Also incredibly respectful – brings his own ashtray that he disposes of on his own

I feel like he transitions a lot of people into smoking for the first time (if they’re interested, of course! Would never peer pressure.)

But …. Oh boy… the way that he would gently tilt your head back to blow a hit into your mouth

Kotoha Tachibanau | “I’m gonna get you so wet!”

Give this girl a break she deserves to have fun!

Stays in the pool most of the time, but also loves to soak up the sun so she’s got her own self-care agenda for the day

Loves water guns! Brings like 2 or 3 of them

Also probably brings a book to enjoy by the pool when she’s tanning

Definitely the type to get the ice water from the coolers and spray anyone who tries to come within 5 feet of her

If she feels silly (and buzzed) she’ll pour jungle juice into them and shoot them into people’s mouths

Takes this time to truly relax and unwind (we love a work-life balance!) – and loves doing it beside you

Taiga Tsugeura | “Don’t forget to drink water!”

Absolutely brings cases of water and liquid IV

He’s all for partying, don’t get him wrong, but he’s also got to hit the gym tomorrow so

Makes sure that everyone’s got a bottle of water on them – his virtue is caring too much

Also decently good at beer pong, but his downfall is that he throws the ball too hard and ends up hitting people like 10 feet away from him in the head

Also strikes me as unhinged, so – if you’re cool with getting pulled into the pool, then he’s definitely your guy

Definitely does flips while diving into the pool to try and impress you (it works)

Jo Togame | “Need some help with that?”

What Sakura may lack in seltzers, Togame makes up in beer

If there’s one thing he knows, it’s a good brand of beer

Also clocked in my mind as a heavyweight, so if he’s up to drink, he’s bringing many many cases

Has a bottle opener that has sentimental value to him – probably one that Choji got for him

Can also pop it open with his teeth (but no one ever lets him because it’s bad)

("Sure, okay, whatever squares" — he listens.)

If he sees you struggling to pop the cap off, he’s already grabbing it from your hand and doing it for you – no questions asked

(Ask him while he’s buzzed, and he’ll do it with his teeth, all while staring into your eyes)

Choji Tomiyama | “Let’s take a shot!”

The first thing he does is do a cannonball in the pool (this is so canon)

If you’re a soju lover – he’s got it!

Brings all the flavors too, but is most partial to yogurt-flavored soju

Is flitting all over the party talking to everyone and anyone

(Tries his hand at beer pong – going to go out on a limb here and say that he sucks)

However! He is a heavyweight!

Can hold his own with Umemiya and Togame for sure

Is definitely the one gathering everyone together to take some shots

Will probably ask Kaji to play Shots by LMFAO and Lil Jon every single time (after the first time, Kaji starts ignoring him)

If you’re open to shots, is absolutely pulling you by your arm to take yet another one

[haikyu-mp4]

Shark week

word count; 505 – f!reader on her period

“Who are you texting, Hoshi?” Romero asked, patting the short spiker on the back and making him look up from his phone, frown barely softening.

“Y/n is on her shark week, asked me to get some stuff on the way home,” Hoshiumi mumbled, sending off an ofc<3 before putting his phone in his locker and following the team out.

“Shark week? Do you mean her period?” Ushijima asked for clarification, and the way Hoshiumi’s pale face reddened was embarrassing, to say the least.

“Do you even know what to get her?” Hirugami asked, clearly teasing him with that tone.

Hoshiumi’s nose scrunched and he was about to start barking out a response when he was interrupted. Sometimes he felt like all these tall players forgot he was even there, and it annoyed him to no end.

“You should get chocolate. And ice cream, her favourite kind if you know it,” Kageyama said, looking weirdly proud of his knowledge. ‘If you know it’, obviously he knows it!

“Of course-”

“It’s not embarrassing to say period. You should not be ashamed about the natural cycle of a woman’s body.” Ushijima continued his earlier thought.

“I know that, she-”

“Some women are more into food on their period, like a proper full meal. My wife is that way, at least,” Romero added, only fuelling the fire because Hoshiumi knows what you like.

“You should probably ask her if she wants anything else.”

“And don’t get confused about the wings.”

Now Hoshiumi was definitely red, but it was more along the lines of hot-headed. “I know how to take care of my girlfriend!” he snapped before stomping off to start jogging around the court for warmup.

The audacity of these men acting like he doesn’t know you.

Hoshiumi kicked the door shut behind him, a plastic bag in one hand, a reusable tote bag in the other and his training bag slung over his shoulder. “I’m here, baby!”

He found you curled up under your duvet, and he knew there was a heating bad under there somewhere too. “Can you come cuddle, please? The sharks are killing me.”

First, he went to refill your water bottle with cold water and put it on your nightstand, always encouraging you to drink more when you felt ill. Then he put the ice cream away and prepared a little bowl with the rest of the snacks he got.

He also put the snacks on the nightstand before crawling under the duvet and curling around your back, face nuzzling into your neck and leaving little kisses. His hands found the heating pad, holding it against your stomach so your hands were free to grab any snacks you wanted.

“Let’s get Burger King later, yeah?” he mumbled. Because of course he knew you hate asking for it and would rather have him encourage a cheat day.

“Yes!”

And the relief in your voice was more than enough to prove that being your boyfriend is the one thing he would always do best.

masterlist

[alia-schlatt]

Surprise || JSchlatt

In which you surprise your boyfriend and his friends with some food while their gaming.

a/n: Sorry, I haven't been posting school has been a bit of a bitch lately.

Story under the cut

We should have gotten more snacks.

I laugh at the message that pops up on my second monitor. I move my mouse from the game of sims that I am playing over to mine and my boyfriends chats that I had left open, quickly typing a reply.

Did you boys already finish everything?

Schlatt didn't want to have a party for his 25th birthday. Said it was just another grim reminder that he's getting old. That was until I brought up the idea of having a gaming session at the house. Just him and a handful of friends playing games together in person. My brother used to do it all the time during the summer holidays, and Jay had joined a few times. Plus, we had just gotten a new internet membership that was also 50 times faster than the one we previously had. After discussing it a bit more, he agreed and started putting things into motion.

His living room was turned into a gaming room with two black fold up tables lining one wall to the other. Fold up chairs and cables everywhere. We went shopping together to get snacks and drinks for the evening and when I said there wasn't enough he told me I was being dramatic. And that it was more than enough. I'd hate to say I told him so but...if the shoe fits.

Yea, I should have listened to you

Your words not mine. What are you guys going to do for dinner?

Probably order Burger kind or something. We'll see.

I start typing back when an idea pops into my head. I smile quickly, saving my game and turning off my pc. I open our chat on my phone and send a thumbs up before grabbing my headphones, a tote bag, and my wallet. I walk downstairs and tell my mother I'm going to the shop and ask if she needs anything. She says no. Jay and I lived together, but I didn't want to be in the way of them this evening, so I was spending it at my childhood home with my mom. I get into my Subaru and drive to the target near our apartment. I connect my headphones to my phone, pressing play on a random playlist. I grab all my reusable shopping bags from the boot before walking to get a shopping cart.

As I walk through the store, I grab random things. I think everyone will enjoy making sure to grab some options for his one friend who is allergic to nuts. I grab an assortment of some energy drinks just in case and walk to the till to pay for everything. Once back in my car, the boot/trunk filled with snacks, I drive across the road to the Burger King, getting yet again an assortment of things, asking for bottles instead of fountain drinks.

After I get everything, I drive the familiar route back to our apartment. I grab as much as I can and use the elevator for the two stories instead of the stairs per usual. I knock on the door, feeling weird that I'm not just walking inside, and when schlatt opens the door, I smile.

"Hey, big guy"

"Toots?" He says, confused before grinning.

I lift up my arms, showing the multitude of bags in my hands. "Gonna let me in or just gonna stand there looking pretty?"

He laughs, taking a few bags from me and leading me into the apartment.

"Hey everyone, look who decided to stop past," Schlatt says, and everyone greets me. I put everything on the counter and tell everyone what I got at both places. I make sure to give Jake, his one friend, with the peanut allergies, the stuff I got for him specifically before telling Jay I also got them dinner.

"This was unnecessary, my love, but thank you" He says pulling me into a hug.

"I know how you boys get. But I won't take any more of your time. You guys must have a wonderful time, " I say, walking back towards the front door and waving goodbye to everyone. Jay follows me. I walk out of the apartment and look at him. I put my hands on his shoulders and stand on my tippy toes to kiss his cheek.

"Happy Birthday, Big Guy!" I smile before winking at him and walking away.

[toysrguts]

MORE jeff hc's!!!!!!

thank u for the love on the last one i love writing these sm ^___^

•can fit like 11 cigarettes in his wide ass mouth at once

•half asian (his mom is chinese)

•his hair is really thin because it never grew back properly after being burned

•hates being wrong more than anything else on the planet. sometimes he knows hes wrong but will NEVER admit it and fight to the death over it

•bpd representation 💯💯💯

•something in my brain tells me he cant die. kind of like a johnny the homicidal maniac situation. he never gets caught and he never dies (he can still get seriously injured but he will always come back when u least expect it)

•always has to be in control of the aux in every vehicle hes in and is so obnoxious when his favorite songs come on

•also yells "I SAW THIS LIVE" every time a band he saw live comes on

•barks at random unsuspecting people through the open passenger window

•always stealing shit off his victims after killing. he has a whole ring collection because of it, and of course he steals wallets for weed money

•also steals from slenderman but you didnt hear that from me

•"saying jeff is a douchebag is like saying the sky is blue." -toby

•kind of guy that takes out his bottled up emotions on everyone around him and then hates himself for it

•wears the same gross outfit all the time. just grabs one of the 3 pairs of crusty skinny jeans from off his floor and of course the musty ass dirty ass torn apart ass hoodie

•smile dog is truly his best friend. he feels like nobody understands him like smile does. he loves taking him for walks in the woods while smoking a cigarette and having deep conversations with him (not that he actually responds but jeff knows smile can understand what hes saying)

•horror movie enthusiast, from obscure fucked up ones to super cheesy ones. he has a whole shelf dedicated to his horror movie collection

•has an addictive personality, which is partially why he has a drug and alcohol abuse problem and struggles with self harm

•rarely goes out in public because hes known to have violent outbursts. he once committed mass murder at a burger king because people were looking at him weird and EJ had to drag him out of there before the cops showed up

•HATES the light he literally duct taped over his windows so the light couldn’t get in (he forgot blackout curtains exist)

•his room smells like pennies, skunk weed, and foot stank

•is actually an incredible artist but acts like hes not. literally everyone loves his work except for him

•secretly loves cartoons. he loves taking bong rips and watching scooby-doo to escape reality :)

•has never had a healthy relationship with anyone in his life, usually just sticks to hookups

•its a miracle this man is still alive considering he survives off gas station snacks and week old sodas that have been sitting on his nightstand

•speaking of he once drank an old dr pepper after he forgot he put out a cigarette in it

•got a tramp stamp when he was blackout wasted

•writes random thoughts and draws little doodles all over his bedroom walls; it kind of looks like a mental asylum in there

•also his bed is literally just a blood stained mattress on the floor with no sheet and a singular pillow and blanket

•so fucking broke he will do anything for a hundred bucks

•writes the most foul hate comments under every post he disagrees with

•he loves video games, his favorite being postal 2 (hes OBSESSED)

[boatboysrowout]

my dear friend is distressed about the lack of martyn fics so although i am not clever enough to write martyn inthelittlewood i can offer you some situations i propose he be put in:

- overworked volunteer at an animal shelter. his favorite animal is a giant german shepherd named ren who never leaves him alone. his least favorite animal is a bird named grian who does nothing but imitate human screams and bite.

- amateur comedian. he does stand up every tuesday night and the instant he gets heckled he gets super defensive and starts saying shit like ‘you people don’t understand true comedy’ and ‘you’re just jealous you’re not on my level’ and ‘ren said i’m hilarious screw all of you’

- firefighter. he spends 90% of his shifts chasing down and extinguishing a very handsome man who has the unfortunate habit of setting himself on fire to prove his passion. no one asks him to do this. martyn is very distressed by this. etho and bdubs think it is hysterical that martyn hasnt noticed this only ever happens while he’s on duty.

- renaissance fair employee. i think its obvious where im going with this so instead of the obvious he gets way too into the roleplay and almost commits first degree murder bc someone cut in front of ren in line to get a funnel cake ill talk instead about how there’s a pirate themed booth for some reason at the renaissance fair and martyn hates it bc of the historical inaccuracy and also bc he is convinced joel and etho set his and ren’s tent on fire on purpose.

- burger king employee. there is a mcdonalds across the street and they hate each other’s guts. one day grian breaks in while scar is distracting ren and martyn and smashes their ice cream machine with a baseball bat bc martyn made one too many jokes about their ice cream machine always being broken. martyn’s manager ren takes this personally, dubs himself the burger king, puts on the shitty cardboard crown and declares war on the mcdonalds. by the end of the week every single employee of the burger king and the mcdonalds have been fired and their story is featured on national news.

update: that last one is now written. you’re welcome/i’m so sorry