#also I get wayyyy too many of these asks for comfort :/

[hellsite-hall-of-fame]

Cream into the void

SHAME. I AM SHAMING YOU ANON

also i now need to report a crime against the void :(

[sunflowersandsapphires]

Can I request Matt and Frank with a neurodivergent reader who rocks to self-soothe when they’re overstimulated/anxious

Hello darling! Absolutely you can. I’m sorry it took me so long to respond, it’s been a WEEK. Wayyyy too many thoughts below the cut.

Let me just say, I think both Matt and Frank would be fantastic partners to someone who is neurodivergent. They both understand the constant frustration and sense of injustice and all that.

Matt

It would take a few weeks for Matt to even realize what you were doing, I think. He can hear the movement, but it wouldn’t really seem off to him, given how much time he spends with Foggy–who never STOPS moving.

Because he doesn’t have much experience with people who are neurotypical and not stressed beyond belief, he’s sort of used to people fidgeting and doing what they can to calm themselves.

I don’t think he would bring it up without someone else prompting. Maybe Foggy or Karen says something offhandedly, catching you by surprise. You hadn’t even noticed you were doing it at the time, swaying your weight to your heels and back to the balls of your feet, your body rocking with the movement.

“Don’t worry, sport! We’re coming.” Foggy laughed, shoving his arms into the sleeves of his coat as the four of you prepared to grab lunch.

You froze, suddenly regaining your self-awareness and immediately choking on a wave of embarrassment.

“Ready to go?” Matt’s voice startled you out of your stupor, making you jump

“Uh yes. Sorry.” The apology was instinctive, habitual. A symptom of perpetually feeling like your innocuous stims were troublesome for others.

“Why are you sorry?” Head tilting in the signature way it always did when he was concerned, Matt’s hand came to rest on your arm as he scanned you for evidence of harm.

“Nothing. We should catch up.” You murmured, hurrying out of Matt’s office to follow his business partners out of the building.

He’d let you deflect, but he’d set the thought in a special corner of his mind, privately vowing to bring it up at a later time.

After Foggy and Karen had escaped the pile of paperwork in the conference room, hesitantly allowing you and Matt to sort through it without them, he’d leap on the opportunity.

“Out with it,” The command is tender but stern, very classic Matt.

“Out with what?” Playing dumb worked sometimes, easier than an outright lie in front of a breathing polygraph machine.

“You’ve been biting your tongue since before lunch.” Apparently your go-to strategy wasn’t going to work this time. “What happened? Did I say something?”

The fear simmering below his concern caught your attention immediately. You had to answer now. “No nothing like that, Matty. I just..got in my head.”

“About what?” His wandering gaze is so earnest, you cave immediately. You tell him everything. The way you always felt different from those around you. The confusion and constant frustration when you inevitably misunderstood people. The pile of issues you had with various sounds and textures. The need to rock back and forth in place when you were nervous or overwhelmed, and the shame that forced you to stop when someone laughed or criticized you.

As always, Matt listens. Asks a question here or there, to help himself understand, but he seems to get it. There’s no judgement in his eyes, only total acceptance and a blaze of protective fury.

Once he knows about the stim, he would fiercely defend you in public. Scold people for staring and encourage you to do whatever you needed to do to feel comfortable.

Frank on the other hand would notice it VERY quickly.

This man is capital O Observant so he spots the rocking before you’re even together.

He has weird fidgety things he does too so he’s not judging whatsoever. He’s not interested in dissecting the root cause if it’s not hurting you or anyone else. So he jots it down in his mental notes about you and moves on past.

I think he’d also pick up on the soothing nature of it, notice that you seem calmer when you allow yourself to stim. So when he catches you in a bad mood or in a stressful moment, he’d pull you flush against his chest, one hand cradling your back while the other cups your head, and he’d rock the two of you together. (If you need to rock alone, he’d absolutely let you. But this personally would be nice for me so I’m including it lol)

If anyone ever commented on it, they’d find themselves on the other side of a MURDEROUS stare, urging them to quickly apologize and move on with their day

[stolaz-the-artist]

Murder drones au pt 2

Long awaited follow up for my murder drones au, of which was kindly requested by @burgertron17.

I appreciate the patients you've had with me, I and I apologize for the wait. But enough talk, lets get into it.

⚠️Spoiler warning for murder drones. Duh⚠️

lot of text ahead. like A LOT! beware!

So first an explanation of how the timeline is played out in comparison to murder drones canon.

Macy isn't really "bullied" in the same sense Uzi is, but she does experience a disconnect with the other kids. There is a rumor going around that she's half disassembly drone, which would explain why she's so tall. This one singular rumor is why she isn't outright bullied, they're low-key kinda scared of her.

The gun incident goes as followed in the canon. Aaron and Lance walk by and see Macy is hurt. Macy talks about the outdoors and how she's planning on sneaking out to get the last part she needs for her gun to actually work. Bottom panel of the lance drawing plays out here.

As the exit the outer door Aaron makes an off comment of "I bet Lance is worried sick." Hard cut to top left corner of Lance drawing, insert elevator esque like music. Hard cut back Aaron and Macy. Moment of silence. Macy says "Eh we'll make it quick.

They find the piece and blah blah blah.

Ok I'm not gonna write every single change I made cuz that will make this post wayyyy to long. now I don't even know if posts have a word limit but I don't wanna find out. Also cuz. didn't change overly a lot, most of the stuff still goes the same way. Its not a roots deep au like my other ones.

Instead of Clays comment that everyone thinks hes useless and terrible he just casually flexes how many kills hes gotten, followed by an awkward laugh, showing how he isn't actually enjoying any of it. Instead of him telling Wanda his name he just says "welp, guess I'll stay guard and . . . look for other drones. or something. Also cut out the whole crush comment cuz in this context ew. Just have him stare into space is sum idk. Also In the J flashback just have them have a very awkward conversation, and right when Clay is about to ask him something he flies off. Keep Jestro as the leader or not Idk

instead of Clay firing hearts (cuz that would be weird) just a puff of smoke comes out. He's too tense too shoot her. he says ". . .Listen! im sure we can talk it out like civilized-" And then the bomb. or rocket. whatever it is.

Obviously Jestro is a lot less menacing and brash. Where the failed monologue comes in he more so only apologizes and tries to brush it off in a "don't take this personally" manner

only difference in episode two is that Lance, Aaron and Axl is there. Place them in any situation as you please. Expect when chad or whatever his name is almost dies. that's Aaron.

It's Fletch and Izzy who try and give Macy a make over. Fletch is probably speaking English thought. Also obviously they're a lot less mean and any off putting comments is Izzy trying to seem cool. She looks up to Macy.

Axl isn't in the room when the attack happens. Returns right after, gets rather angry cuz rightfully so- all his hard work has been destroyed. Lance comforts him with a pat on the back.

Lance was the one who tried to get Wanda killed. Ended up saving her. they bond. they're besties now.

Didnt change anything for ep 3. Oh expect the hot comment. Lance instead says. "Dramatic. . . Justified reaction? . . he doesn't appreciate you enough"

Where N is, Wanda is instead. Given how Clay and Fletch was built after everything. Monstrous as Cyn. Marlok as Tessa. And Jestro as J. Macy ended up hacking into Wanda and then connected Clay into it so he could see what happened too.

Not much change for episode 6. I dunno who the souther creepster is. Didn't even make a sketch. I might. probably won't. If you have any suggestion do tell.

During the Flashback in episode 7 we obviously have Hama (Queen halbert) and the other one I didn't think much for either. So place whoever there too. Yet again, if you have any suggestions, do tell.

Where Doll gets killed Wanda rescues Fletch last second. Monstrous could barley figure out what happened and decided that he has more important things to do.

If you ship Clay x Macy, keep it the same, if not, change it to "Are best friends. we hang out a lot." Or something. I dunno

Not much change for the finale. The reason Clay is scared is mainly cuz he just knows what hes capable of from his mom's memories. "Wanda says: Its monstrous! You know, from when- you know what I mean!

Where we get the flashback of doll dying instead have Fletch enter the room. Izzy says "Woah! Cool limbs! How that happen" Fletch lets out a "um . . " Flash back of him waking up with the new limbs and then experiencing a existential crisis. He shrugs and says "Its a long story"

Yeah that's about it for the story. Now for some behind the scenes stuff!

Pilot C

His mother build him after the explosion. He's actual defective (He's a lot shorter) But he was so good at his job they just let him be, in fear of fixing him would change it.

Clay: *Liiiick*

Clay: Oh please don't run, if I miss then this will just be more painful. Ill make it quick!

Fletch (Actually F)

W lost him during an attack. He was raised by worker drones. He isn't very confident with his limbs and is a bit clumsy. (robots built to be JUST disassembly drones don't work well with worker drone limbs.

He was attacked by AD (Absolute destruction) but W saved him last second and gave him proper limbs

F (after being converted) He still hasn't fully figured how to make everything work, but he's already gaining confidence within himself

Macy

Daughter to Eggred who built the bunker. Freezer out because she's weirdly tall and gets called a "Wannabe disassembly drone"

Macy: Shit

Aaron: I mean, he seems . . . fun sized?

Aaron: Ok so not fun

Macy: You think!?

And now for some extra stuff!

This was the initially requested casting. I couldn't quite make it work while still keeping stuff rather canon. But I made some sketches for how they would and or could look like. Oh and a drawing page for more Merlok as Tessa

More canon Clay worker drone

More Uzi leaning Clay worker drone + feat my "joke" scene Clay hc

N jestro (Just gave him a hat lol) Wanda as Nori

Kinda gave up (Not kind, I just gave up)

Merlok Moorington

Merlok: This extension looks amazing! We're matching now! I swear in another universe we're siblings.

Merlok: If you could have a family, what would their names be?

Wanda: You're my family!

Merlok: He he, of course! But other than me

Wanda: Hm . . . Clay and Fletcher.

Merlok: Hm . . I like those names.

Only child of the Moorington family. Only friends are the worker drones. Mom hates that hat, but he refuses to take it off. Mom gave up eventually

Merlok: It wants paid time off . . . to attend Union Negotiations!

Wanda: THIS IS A UNRELATED LAYOFF!

AND BOOM! we're done! Thanks so much again for all the patience! Been having a lost of work and test as of late, and I wanted to have the time to properly write all of this.

[casinoquartet]

okay so I would like to elaborate on a point you made on the swagdoons moments we should talk about more. Specifically the one about red knowing about the wormhole glitch. Also the whole god thing applies to this too.

Ash avoids any reference (and has lied about it multiple times IF red is telling the truth) to red knowing anything and just never elaborates when it comes to this sort of thing. Then red is just so open about it and it kinddd of sounding like he’s bragging when he talks about it. And he told no one?? 🤨 huh? Red knew sooo far back and told no one???

here is an example:

ash commented that red wasn’t in a video because his reaction to the god thing was basically: “cool.” and did not give any other details.

red has AT LEAST said twice that he knew about the god thing from basically page one (because ash told him?? I don’t know if I’m remembering right) and he didn’t hold back from the details

nothing they say lines up 😭😭😭 one of them is lying about this and either way it’s still so 🤨🤨. Why would you need to lie about it huh??? And I am 90% ash knows what red is saying and he isn’t specifically denying anything red says.

I’m sorry they are soo confusing and just making this much sense of something and to not share it with anyone feels like a felony so yeah…

THEN THE “oh I’d do so many things for you ash.” WAS JUST 😱😱😱🫵🤨🤨🤔🤨 IT WAS SO UNPROMPTED. then the SILENCE after ash said the equivalent of my reaction in emojis I just can’t anymore

also can you explain how after the matching sleeve thing ash just kept it for wayyyy too long. Is it still there??? I think it’s still there. It’s like 4am and I NEED to go to bed so I don’t think I should check. But it’s such an easy fix why is it still there it’s driving me crazy

OKAY regarding the "red knew about the plugin" thing, i'm mostly referencing this clip (51:58-52:10)

red: hold on, so did you dupe or...how did you get the crystals? ash: (hums) red: ...or did you get into creative mode, was that the plug-in? ash: no, no. (annoyed) why do you--okay just tell everyone my plan. i'm kidding, parrot just forgot to check my inventory (laughs)

if we take ash's god video at face value, he did know about the essentials plugin since august (though it is debatable if the wormhole team knew how to exploit it then, i'm inclined to believe that they did considering around a month later the comfort vod happened and ash leaked the wormhole plans 4 months early...lol). and having foresight, we do know that creative mode was necessary to get the entire wormhole exploit to work so...that's why i said it was implied red knew about the wormhole glitch the entire time

anyways, adding onto the "red wasn't in the first video" thing, here's ash mentioning it in a tweet on his alt acc, and while red pisses off (/lh) ash in the comfort vod (1:10:05-1:10:44), ash says that that is why red isn't in the video and red goes "i know"

(also i was just watching the vod where red mentions that he knew about the s3 god exploit from the very start and it's also implied here that he knew about the s4 one too?!?! he got an elytra from subz and subz, who was on the wormhole exploit team, asked him if red knew about the exploit, said never mind, and gave red the elytra anyways. red then says that he knew about the exploit the entire time so ?!?!?! clip from 1:27:51-1:28:27 btw)

ANYWAYS yeah i don't know wtf the "i'd do so many things for you" thing was about either. something is up with them. alas i'm not a mind reader so i don't know why on earth red said that or why ash keeps the cut sleeve (i'm guessing it's bc he thinks it looks cool?) but alas. swagdoons truly did swagdoons all over the place,

[imtheenemy]

Hi author-san,

How are you?

Can you please tell us about some of your favourite fics?

Hi Star! I'm good, how are you? 🥹 Hope you had a lovely holiday, if you had those/celebrated them. If not, I hope you had a great weekend! 🥰 ✨

To answer your question, fair warning for this might get a bit long-winded, there is one specific fanfic that has been one of my favourites for years, perhaps more than a decade. First published on Livejournal, so this was wayyyy back.

It is the type of story that wouldn't get written (or not as easily) nowadays. Because it's very nuanced, it deals with so many topics, and almost none of them are light ones either. The reason I loved it so much wasn't because it was a quick fix, or a canon fix-it, or because of any tropes, but rather the storytelling itself.

I learned so much from the way that fanfic was written, both as a fanfic reader/writer. It dealt with darker themes, with characters in a rather dystopian world, where they're (re)learning how to navigate life, feelings, relationships, boundaries, trauma, and the way every facet of the story was written with so much thought and care behind it. From its world-building, to its superb characterization, to every other aspect; the micros and macros were written with so much forethought and care. It was just stunning. By no means perfect, but as close to it as possible, which made me appreciate it even more.

It was also one of the first times where I read a story where smut was crucial to its plot, in fact it was what drove the plot forwards. Even if, at times that too could be uncomfortable to read, it still had its relevance. There was a meaning to everything and a reason for it being added to the story, way beyond how smut is often viewed/written nowadays.

It had me rethinking/reflecting on how one goes about writing things in general, but also when it concerns physical/emotional intimacy and how those can be the building blocks if not the foundation of a (meaningful/believable) relationship. The sheer level of (inexplicable) trust these characters must have to be so open towards one another. To share their deepest desires, which for some characters can be more terrifying than anything else that might happen to them within the story.

There are so many levels of trust, acceptance, intimacy, and love there that I cannot eloquently describe to you. But imagine this, let's take Satoru as an example: him opening up to his significant other, going this is me and lays all of his cards on the table, these are my desires that I've never been able to share let alone communicate with anyone else, be it out of fear of judgement, rejection, repulsion, whichever, but he tells them anyway. He asks them despite those fears, opens himself up in ways he has never felt comfortable to do so before. Because what if they tell him that he has lost his mind or that he is x/y/z for wanting such type of intimacy, and they break his trust, or worse take advantage. But instead of all of that, his significant other is not only able to understand him, but accepts him through and through, desires him just as much, reciprocates his level of intimacy, and wants to do anything for him. Without their relationship turning into something unhealthy or unbalanced, but instead becomes stronger and more valuable.

It made me reflect on the different ways in which we can tell/show things as a writer. Which can add so much to a reader's experience. (Mind you, my studies at school/uni have never involved studying fictional literary works in such a manner; it concerned evidence based practices/dissecting researches, which is something completely different haha).

To read a story written through such a different lens, learning about the more different (physical) ways these characters would deal with their own emotions, their faults and the things they had gone through, was very novel to me at the time.

It taught me, amongst other things, the relevance subjects (tropes if you will) can have on a story. How much depth they can add to and enrichen the plot, no matter how a certain subject or trope is perceived by the many. That it doesn't matter what the many (other readers) think or say, but you as an author will always have the power to show people your story from your perspective and show them things through a different lens. And that to me was a very valuable lesson.

I have other favourites, but I feel like this answer has gotten long enough already 🫠 Thank you for asking, sorry if the answer wasn't what you expected it to be or were hoping for. 🥺

Take care! 🩷

[bellafragolina]

Okay last request I’m gonna make since I don’t want to overwhelm you with too many asks!! On the topic of the submas twins being fathers..how would they react to their children getting ready to set off on their own Pokémon journey with their friends? Would they be happy? Proud? Overwhelmed with how much their babies are growing up? All of the above + more? I’d imagine they’re also married to their respective s/os in this scenario so they’re not in this alone :,)

wahhh sappy dad submas my weakness

🍓🍓🍓

Ingo:

Ingo readies his child for their journey as much as anyone can. He teaches them little tips and tricks to help, he shows them how to cook small meals and how to set up a sleeping bag or a tent if they need to do that. He helps them understand the needs of their Pokémon, or how to look up their needs for the new partners they're going to check. Most of all, he makes sure they know that he is there, alongside you, ready and able to help and support them however they need

It's bittersweet, watching Ingo pour love and care into his child that he knows is going to leave, probably for a month if not longer. You do your own tips and tricks with the kid, and make sure they know that checkups are a necessity, just to be sure they're happy and safe. You're not going to coddle them (and you're going to make sure Ingo doesn't either), but you want them to know it's okay to ask for help.

By the time the journey must start, Ingo is teary-eyed but bursting with pride for his little one. You all hug, so tight, so firm, and pepper kisses all around. Your child promises to do their best, and to update you every step of the way. In return, you and Ingo promise to attend their battle with Elesa once they make it back to Nimbasa. They head off with an excited grin and a heart full of determination

Ingo cries the rest of the night. You do too, but you also make sure your poor husband is okay. Empty nesting is not something he enjoys now that he's gotten the taste of a home full of family, so he coddles the Pokémon to near death as a replacement. You make sure to keep an eye out for any eggs he might try to mother, and also make sure to get him the update call as soon as possible before he adopts a bundle of litwicks.

Emmet:

Emmet is. So. Excited. His kids are his light and joy, but he also wants them to get out there, battle, and build a team so that HE can battle them on the subway. This leads to Emmet readying the kids for their journeys wayyyy too early. The kids are just as excited too, so this leads to you being the bad guy and reminding them they have to at least wait until school ends. Lots of pouting that day

That's not to say you're not also excited for the kids! They've inherited their father's interest in battling, so you want them to go out and learn how to battle too! But not all at once! There things to prepare, and as you tell Emmet one night, you're not ready for them to leave yet. He's quiet as he hugs you, but admits that yeah, he's going to miss them a lot too. After that, he becomes less pushy about the preparations, but no less excited.

When the day finally arrives, Emmet's tune almost flips. Suddenly he's clinging to his kids, smothering them in kisses and in tears. He's so very emotional, and the kids are begging you to rescue them. But you just capture them again for more kisses and tears. They're sufficiently loved on by the time they escape you both, racing off to the beginning of their journey

Emmet is a similar mess to Ingo the rest of the night. He's constantly spamming the kids with texts, and complaining to you when the don't always respond or tell him to stop being lame. You have to comfort the poor lame dad for the rest of the week.

🍓🍓🍓

they're both emotional messes Emmet's just good at buying it under excitement to see his kids become kickass trainers

~Renee

[hairybirthdayclown]

placements with issues in romantic relationships part i.

*(analysis based on my friends & acquaintances)

VENUS SQUARE URANUS - do you get emotionally smothered just by thinking of being in a relationship? it's not that these natives don't want to have deep connections, they want to feel some sort of personal growth within it, regardless of any sort of labels. avoidant attachment style is what i'm getting with this placement with commitment issues. a lot of the people i've sat down with rarely date/don't want to/lack commitment in their relationships.

why don't you date? (i asked these people to refrain from mentioning any external factors that hinder them from relationships & look inwards...they still said them lol. also, i spruced up what they said just for y'all to understand better because these were said to me in a different language with A LOT more profanity)

"there are many reasons. but i think one that correlates to what you're researching is that my feelings are unpredictable. like i mentioned to you, if you remember - sometimes i wake up & feel nothing towards the people i love. i'm scared that will happen too in a romantic relationship"

- friend 1 (at 8° orb)

"i cannot stand when someone i'm with makes decisions for me & starts referring to us as 'we'. no h*e, i'm me, you're you & we're together but not together. do you understand? i'm not a 'together' person, have fun with me for as long as we can tolerate eachother for & f*ck off" (yeesh)

- acquaintance 1 (at 6° orb)

"i really don't understand this generation. a lot of conflict would be resolved if everyone was honest with what they want. i don't date because i prefer being alone. i actually love it. i don't even know if i want to get married. i used to be the 'date to marry' type (when she was literally 14 lmaoooo) but now i just want to have fun with my friends. i'm not actively pursuing anyone & i'm happy. period"

- friend 2 (at 1° orb)

"b*tch i don't even bother telling my crushes that i like them. i know i'm not even gonna attempt to date them if they like me back HAHA. wayyyy too immature for all that"

- friend 3 (at 8° orb)

"everyone is so focused on romance it's actually disturbing at this point. the people who can't breathe without being in a romantic relationship make me sick. i don't date because i don't like being told what to do. 'oH yOu shoULd'nT tAKE yoUr fri3nD oUt tO dinn3er' or 'yOu shOudLd'Nt huG hiM' , there's just so many unnecessary rules. it's alarming how people care that much about stupid sh*t like that. & turning on my location for you? die"

- acquaintance 2 (at 5° orb)

not all of these natives are single or prefer to be. these people that i analysed have entered relationships at some point but i've seen them end up hiding from/avoiding their partners in the long run. one of my friends literally had to help a friend of ours to break up with their partner because they couldn't bear to even talk to them & felt "suffocated". i think that's why these natives are comfortable with long distance relationships because there's some sort of barrier that prevents them from becoming too close to their partner. these people also love excitement so the thrill & anticipation of meeting up with their person gets them estatic. but as friend 1 said, their feelings are up & down in connections. @elysiansparadise explains this furthermore here.

do you need help? (keep in mind i'm an 18 y.o with little-to-no relationship experience)

relationships aren't always perfect but if you're fully aware of your inconsistency, avoidant attachment style & flaky behaviour, you should at least try to do something about it & have compassion towards those you're involved with. what i've noticed about the people that i analysed, 3/5 deflected from themselves & put the blame on their surroundings as justification. i'm not so sure about other people with this aspect but please look at other possibilities of why you approach relationships in this manner. you could be attracted to another gender, asexual, value platonic love more than romantic love or you have some sort of trauma that's holding you back from pursuing a relationship that needs to be healed.

i suggest identifying if you're emotionally available for any sort of connection & noticing emotional unavailability in others. venus□uranus natives are also prone to being attracted to losers who are emotionally stunted & can't even cater for their own feelings - in which they prefer because they like barriers that keep them from being too close to someone (either physical or emotional distance is their drug). the perfect tiktok video came up on my fyp about emotional availability. being emotionally available & being with someone who's the same is necessary for sustaining a healthy emotional relationship.

do not be rash with the way you feel at the moment. all feelings are temporary & feelings of insignificance should be discussed with your partner open & honest. but if you feel as though your partner is making YOU feel insignificant while denying it, leave. this aspect is not just felt internally so your relationship could have moments of apathy & feels fake as opposed to spontaneity from both parties. also, being mindful about how others make you feel before pursuing them. instead of finding clues on whether they like you, ask yourself if you like them.

take things a bit slow & cherish the moments you have in your connections. remind yourself to be grateful that someone gave you a place to uniquely express your love & theirs to you. & if you feel bored sometimes, incorporate some excitement into your relationship. don't just think about yourself, include your partner in all sorts of fun.

do other harsh Venus-Uranus aspects feel the same or have similar expriences? (another analysis based on someone in my life)

i asked...

so, do your relationships with your friends even romantic relationships abruptly change? or u feel some sort of inconsistency with the way people show their love to you? like, your partner could be head over heals in love then all of a sudden they act like they hate you?

"yes haha. but when you say change what do you mean? like what sort of change? & it kind of fluctuates here & there"

change like sudden break up from your side or theirs. maybe even the way you feel about them.

"omg yeah"

-acquaintance 3 (opposition at 10° orb)

well, i ran out of people & time. i really don't know if harmonious aspects (trine, sextile) have relationship issues but if you have any other aspect between these 2 planets that i haven't mentioned feel free to comment about it. also, other factors can hinder the effect of this aspect so check other aspects.

next post on this topic: lilith prominance in woman. i only have 2 friends with lilith prominance so if you have this, tell me your experiences with men & women in your life & how navigate your difficulties dating. feel free to hit me up on somewhere...i don't know how this app works.

thank you for reading :)

[asher-agere]

heya! i cannot stop thinking about cg fyodor and little nikolai and am deprived of finding content of them … so this is my request :3

FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY IT’S TIME. MY FAVORITE LITTLE GUY. And his crusty old man I guess too

Caregiver Fyodor + Little Nikolai

🃜🃚🃖🃁🂭🂺

† Starting off with age range! I’ve said in the past that I see Nikolai regressing from 4-7 but I feel like that doesn’t encompass his chaos well enough… I shall upgrade him to 4-14! His headspace age can be absolutely anything, it’s impossible to predict and pretty difficult to read. And Nikolai doesn’t help in the slightest with the fact that he lies about his age range at any given opportunity (He’s tried saying he’s 80 in the past, Fyodor just sighed and rubbed his temples wondering why he even bothered trying to ask)

🃁 Nicknames! I am an absolute sucker for nicknames said in a caregivers native language *Flutters my eyelashes innocently at my Spanish speaking caregiver* so things like “Malysh” (Baby) “Moya sladkaya” (My sweet). Plus of course calling him “Kolya” (The Russian casual version of Nikolai). Nikolai’s speech is rarely affected so he can speak normally! Using names like “Dos-Kun” and “Fedya” (Again Russian informal). However he also absolutely calls Fyodor “Mommy” simply because it’s wrong and confuses Fyodor

† When he’s regressed one of the first things that needs to be done is change Nikolai into comfortable clothes! You might be saying, ah yes so he can be comfortable and feel safe! No. It’s to get that cape away from him. He doesn’t part with it easily but if he keeps it then he will get everything he shouldn’t have. He’s genuinely pulled like Nuclear Bombs out of it before just because he can and Fyodor has to calmly talk him into putting it back. He’ll also randomly declare “Field Trip!” And pull Fyodor into the cape with him to who knows where. Overall it’s best to get it away from him

🃁 One of Nikolai’s favorite games to play is make Fyodor smile! It continues to entertain him because he’s so far never succeeded. When he’s actively trying to, Fyodor can keep his expression perfectly blank. Plus Nikolai’s attempts at humor are badly put together (For example only saying the punchline of a joke but he still falls to the ground laughing). Fyodor definitely smiles at him in general! It’s just that if he knows Nikolai is trying to make him smile he actively puts in the effort not to, he thinks it’ll be more mentally stimulating that way. And he’s absolutely correct! Nikolai loves the challenge

† Fyodor is a very weak man thanks to his anemia, he’s definitely not strong enough to be picking up a little one. Nikolai upon realizing this takes matters into his own hands! Literally. It makes no logical sense but Nikolai, mentally as young as like 5 will pick up his caregiver and carry him around. Fyodor absolutely hates this because Nikolai skips and jumps and runs and it’s beyond nauseating, but there’s not very many ways to actually stop Nikolai if he decides he wants to do something, so Fyodor just has to tough it out and lecture the boy later

🃁 Nikolai is incredibly difficult around bedtime. He doesn’t wanna sleep! He wants to play! The best way Fyodor can get him down for the night is by playing his cello! Fyodor rarely plays it for anyone, and it’s even rarer that he learns a song specifically for someone, but he’s learned lullabies for Nikolai. Nikolai realizes what a rare opportunity he’s getting and he’ll instantly get really really quiet and settle down to listen! Afterwards of course cheering and applauding as loud as he can (You know, the opposite of settling down)

† Nikolai is very much so one for throwing tantrums. Like yes he regresses big enough that he can actually communicate. But tantrums sound so much easier! And wayyyy more fun. Fyodor is patient though! And completely unaffected by the fake tears. He’ll just find somewhere to sit and he’ll just watch Nikolai. If the tantrum goes on for awhile he’ll literally just pull out a book. He stays nearby so that if Nikolai is in any danger he’d there to help, but as long as there’s no danger he’s not interfering in the slightest. Nikolai can cry it out then communicate properly and Fyodor is more than happy to shower him in praise for that part

🃁 Many of my followers know that I love the idea of Fyodor using candles, caregiver Fyodor using candles everywhere! With Nikolai? Absolutely not. This little menace does absolutely everything he’s not supposed to do. He’ll try to eat it, he’ll pick it up to wield it like a sword, he’ll hold things over it so they catch on fire. He’s just an absolute menace that can’t be trusted. Fyodor also needs to lock up his candles and matches or Nikolai will help himself to them. Matches especially, you give this kid fire and he’s burning down everything in sight

🃜🃚🃖🃁🂭🂺

Technically this is a two part request but I’m not patient enough to post them at the same time. So coming up soon look forwards to angst! Also I think the angst request is for solo Nikolai? Not totally sure though because the requester mentioned it going along with this request. Requester feel free to clarify but you’re not forced to!

[DNI ID: A light purple box with a dark purple border. To the left is an image of Fyodor, to the right there’s a rat and a pair of decaying angels wings. Dark purple text reads “DNI if your blog isn’t child safe. I will block NSFW accounts”. End ID]

[charlotteswebbbbb]

What's the vibe? #65

What's going on man??? A bit of a menswear download.

Bottega x ASAP x Carrie Mae Weems recreating her most popular works for Father's Day?

So much of consuming is about beauty mostly because of beauty products are repeat purchases but what do men really want? Just a taster of insight into what I'm thinking

Main takeaways from above:

Suiting is subversive, looking sharp and less casual is subversive! But do it in a way that you don't attract attention from Derek Guy.

Accessories are great! Find the one for you like Dev Hynes loves his hats :)

Menswear fashion week best ofs:

Prada, Gucci was interesting, Martine Rose, Magliano, Marine Serre was interesting for diff reasons (sustainability).

Valentino had WAYYYY too many looks. Especially for a Resort collection. 171?? Sustainable pour whom???

Martine Rose asked "Where do we find beauty? For Martine Rose: the answer is in the cracks and crevices of culture: the unusual, the unseen, the unpredictable."

So much of the shows were about connecting and coming together - clothes to help you get close. Intimacy or just expressions of love. Maybe that's why weddings are so popular right now - everyone believes in it more than they believe in themselves.

JW Anderson talks about something none of us get enough of: SLEEP with his new collection.

From Prada? Contemporary closeness. "Closeness reflects emotion - the human urge for proximity, to share space and commune. To be closer also shifts perception. Viewed from afar, pieces can pretend to be other - details may seem simplistic, naïve, but up-close, physically, perceptions transform."

Marine Serre's show was titled" “Sempre Legati” show (where), Serre’s final eight looks that spanned both tailoring and couture dressing, appeared in white to spread a message of peace and love."

One of my favourite things about smaller brands is that they include older women in their casting and shows which shows that maybe a small slice of their buyers are older women who want to dress in more powerful ways or acknowledging that women are menswear buyers where the bigger players reject that. Maybe because womenswear is big money and they can't afford to fracture their customer base apart each season.

So much of Prada reminded me of Robin Hood, this sort of medieval shoe which is made from leather. This exit from the house into clothes less aggressive, smoother and flatter onto the body...

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Uniform > everyone having the same look > community > similar morals/ideals?

We're still wondering how to make sustainability sexy as another season goes by. Maybe for menswear the most sustainable thing is finding your style or being comfortable in your shape.

Speaking of...Paul Mescal and shorts.

The Euros are on - next England game is Thursday versus Denmark then next Tuesday up against Slovenia.

Unfortch we've missed the uni shows here in London so we'll have to catch up somehow next week.

[oh-gh0st]

hi ghost hi hiii

💞

💗

☕

🎡

talk to me about the bussiness man :3

UGGHHH WHYD YOU PICK THE CUTESY ONES. SHAKING YOU........ im assuming you mean my s/i and atsushi. FIIINNEEEEEEEEE..... mumbling and grumbling tho. 💞: im talking about ghost first so i don't get that mad. ok um.... definitely physical affection and words of affirmation. like they love hand holding or hugging or just any kind of physical touch.... they're clingy sometimes scoffs. now onto. atsushi UGH. i see him either wanting to spend quality time or gifts (cause he's rich and ive read wayyyy too many atsutodo fics where he's often buying totty some expensive ass shit). maaayybbee physical touch. if ghost feels nice enough 💗: (i hate you I NEED TO KILL YOU) ermmm. i don't see them cuddling a lot. but if they are its probably just side hugs on the couch. maybe atsushi will be spooning them if they're tired enough (and cus they're small. UGGGHH) same case goes for when they're in....... bed sleeping together. (someone shoot me please) but if sushi is playing on his back he'll let them just lay flat on his stomach. he gets to see their face better that way eye suppose ☕: if ghost has a bad day they're often not outwardly showing whats wrong (but i think sushi will still know from how often they've clenched their fist or pulled on something) so he'll ask what's up and see if there was anything he could do. even if itd have to wait after work. he'd probably set up a comforting dinner date at his place and let them destress. if it was atsushi then ghost would be genuinely concerned, even if its a small inconvenience in his day like something getting messed up at work and delaying him a bit. they're very empathetic when the time calls for it... they're not entirely mean i promise 🎡: ummm i guess atsushi would offer to take them out on trips a lot??? but half the time it doesn't happen or it's a business trip (along with the off-chance he gets to bring someone along with). ghost doesn't like going out too much (homesickness. it gets bad whenever it's more than 3 days away from home) so they just often chill at his place for the day or dinner a lot. dinner dates out in the city or other towns is also included but they don't happen often

[sunlightandsuffering]

Teenage Mikasa complaining to Eren about how big and heavy her breasts are becoming. Her bra size still going up despite already having bigger boobs than all her friends. She'll gesture to them and hold them up while complaining about them, so Eren has to look away to hide the blush on his cheeks and stop the erection growing in his pants.

Because of this Mikasa thinks he's not even paying attention but then she offhandedly mentions getting breast reduction surgery and suddenly Eren is looking at her again and frantically telling her she doesn't need surgery and she's perfect as she is.

She's confused by his passionate reaction but little does she know Eren is obsessed with her boobs! Constantly fantasising about what they feel like, and having masterbated on many nights to the thought of her giving him a titjob and him cumming all over her large boobs.

Yes, okay I hate high school AUs bc I have no desire to write long drawn out high school shenanigans as fun as they are! But ugh the sheer opportunity with them going through puberty together 🥵 like I said in that other ask a while ago she literally IS Eren’s sexual awakening lol.

Other guys stumble upon porn and get curious, Eren sees her in a bathing suit for the first time and he goes home and promptly wants to die bc wtf when did his bestie become a GIRL???

She’s also just Wayyyy too comfortable around him lmfao. Talking about her cup size and how she had a growth spurt, how she’s really been considering surgery for when she’s older and Eren is just losing his mind. Especially one day when she’s like here Eren feel how big they’ve gotten! (Does she have ulterior motives, we’ll never know!)

[j2zara]

5, 14, 17, 20 (from any of the lj3 fics...?), 23, 31 for the fic ask :3 :)

I’m blabbing, and i’m at peace with that.

5. What’s something you learned while researching a fic?

You overestimate the amount of work i put into things when i could just accept that i make bad decisions. I won’t lie, when it comes to fic i let a LOT of contrivances slide or i just narrow my scope so i don’t have to look up stuff. I swear i do research but i tend to fall down rabbitholes that will distract me from getting anything done fjeklwaje. Looking up random shit about DND is how i learned wayyyy too much about the sorcery class tho it was so funny. And then i realized i made a mistake and sorcery points can only get you so many levels in spells without just completely wiping you of spell slots so the clones can’t actually use teleport but like. Artistic liberties i guess.

14. What makes you happiest? New fic comments, kudos, bookmarks, user subscribers, story subscribers, or Tumblr asks?

I mean, i enjoy literally anytime people go out of their way to read my stuff! esp if they say something nice bc i know being on the other end of that can be kinda nervewracking and feel like a lot of pressure, but i do feel like the obvious answer is comments lol. Tumblr asks are fun but answering them is a lot of pressure, and i do feel bad when i let them sit. (and sometimes i let them sit for months on end, oops). And there is something really sweet when you see someone has left something nice in the tags, or if they say something about the fic when they bookmark it, but yeah. Comments do just help a bit with morale.

That being said, i know i’ve dug my own grave in that i’ve fallen into such a small hyperniche of basically just liking my own semi-OCs that i’m trying to be cool about knowing its hard to get ppl to care abt the things to make. In a way thats like, i get it, i’ve been on the other end of it, life happens, people get busy, their interests change, and even if i want to care, it’s hard to understand someone’s OCs in the way they do. Anyway, hits, kudos, taking the time to read my stuff it all means something to me, i know that’s a bit schmaltzy but idc i'm feeling kinda fragile rn so i do mean it

17. What is something you recently felt proud of in your writing?

Honestly i’ve been really down on my stuff, i know i keep joking that like i’ll reread my old stuff and be like “oh this is fire so sad the writer has a piano dropped on her head” which is true, but its mainly bc i just write in a way that i like but i also know its very indulgent and not in step with like what is considered good, at least i don’t think. Last thing i wrote was so short and indulgent just for me, which is so funny to think about that im like. Yeah the 2k fic where they cuddle for a little while in the indulgence, not the 50k of smut i banged out over the summer in a weird fervor… 

I think it’s just hard to think of something and like. Be nice to myself i guess, bc this new thing, i kinda just wrote it bc sometimes you gotta throw the blorbos through hurt/comfort just to feel something lol, i really extra didn’t care about craft i let it be kinda just for me. I guess I think I’m good at imbuing a story with, like, an emotional throughline? If things feel too mechanical, I really do try to make sure the characters motivations are the reasons they do anything and tether it to like, conflicting desires i guess?. I don’t think this is the best version, i’ve done it better, but like, it works.

20. Share your favorite kiss scene from [insert fic]. If there's no kiss scene, share your favorite moment of intimacy (romantic or platonic)

I think you said anything LJ3 so i’m gonna go with the ending of Say What You Mean:

"Friends, El. I promise. Starting—"  He's distracted by the way she's biting her lip. For some reason, she's staring hard at him. "Wait—" says El, and he's struck by the note of panic in her voice as she surges forward. "El—!" He can feel her hand caressing his jaw, and then—a quiet, pathetic mmph of surprise as his mouth is stopped by a real and good proper kiss that he wishes could go on forever. There's the peace he's been longing for. (He wonders—if this means that he's as hard to give up for her as she is for him.) Finally, Ellie parts from him. Their foreheads touch, still practically breathing in each other's air. Selfishly, J3 thinks to himself, maybe she's going to cave, tearfully take him back, tell him it's all been a mistake, that she can't live without him, that he's Hers, he's always been Hers— "Okay. Friends," says J4. "Starting... now."

The first kiss in Stay / Leave is fine but i think it’s hard to convey something momentous like that, IMO i think describing kissing or really anything physical but esp kissing can read really mechanical and underwhelming? So it's this one. I know it's a bit cheesy, and imo i think i’ve disrupted the pacing a bit but idc. I know everything’s practically been scrubbed but when were joking about the “no kissing when they’re FWB” thing, obviously that’s funny but i realized i was shutting myself off from an avenue of expression of intimacy so the story kinda became about how they came to that decision? There’s something like, funny and bittersweet and sad all at once about LJ3 desperately wanting to care for each other and be vulnerable with each other so they keep prolonging how long they can get away with that before they start drawing lines. And since it takes place before Stay / Leave i was like. Well. I can’t have them progress too far in their relationship, overwise it undercuts their real moment of clarity in Stay / Leave. 

Anyway, if i struggle with something in a story, like well i can’t make them progress in their relationship b/c that would ruin stay / leave, usually i realize then the story should just be About that (Biggest Lie too is like. Oh J3 and Porter have absolutely NOTHING interesting or unique to say to each other? That’s the problem with their relationship then). So its like. Oh, so this a story about people standing still! They should be acting cold to each other given their circumstances, but it just doesn’t feel write to depict them being cold to each other, so its about how they’re actually really bad at being mad at each other jfklejalfa

(Also i love when J3 sucks just a little bit. Like he sucks! Why would you break Ellie’s heart and hope she comes crawling back to you. He sucks. I love him,)

23. What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

I’m gonna cheat in that i might have like a 200 work doc somewhere starting Solesian Play AU (aka the one where LJ3 steals porter’s godhood from the luxury sex object prison dimension) but like it’s not REALLY started… i think the momentum for that one is lost but idk maybe i’ll be able to re-psych myself into it, but in my mind it would be an ambitious project.

ALso I’m like. One chapter into Unnamed LJ3 Reincarnation project so it technically doesn’t count. But its basically nonexistent. The idea of Ellie going to Aguefort to get research on reincarnation so she can find her best friend and her soulmate is just a fun concept tho! I don't want it to get away from me even if the initial momentum has passed, which SUCKS. The way i’ve been motivating myself to write it is by pretending im writing a fic for like my 2.5 friends. But life is soooooo getting in the way.

31. What fic meant the most to you to write?

it feels like a copout to say everything  but i do kinda feel like everything in cloneverse is like collective work rather than individual pieces. It is hard to pick tho, I think the only one that like, i think is good but I don’t really have any sentimental attachment to is Biggest Lie, but there’s an argument for If You Yant Divinity, Almost, Stay / Leave, and Say What You Mean. (And While You Were Sleeping tbh its not AS sentimental but it does mean something to me to prove to myself i can still like. Write). 

Anyway. It’s funny bc i’m so not in the headspace i was in when i was like so captivated by starbreaker (but it has been a little fun to recapture the love loses energy where they’re both so evil for Unnamed LJ3 Reincarnation Project in a way that does get me to care about them a little. I’m still fascinated by anyone who can get doomed by god and God). But also If You Want Divinity was something that meant a lot at the time and I am really proud of it, it’s harder to look back on now but i do think the flashback memory tunnel Detect Thoughts + Teleport still succeeds at being emotionally resonant.

And. There’s some things i would maybe change about Almost but i do think it’s special. Even if i think it could’ve been more fleshed out the succinct version is still evocative, at least I hope. I really did set out to prove that the clones were characters capable of evoking Pathos and i do think or hope I succeeded. I know i clown on blue a lot these days and he’s a bit of a forgotten child bc of LJ3 but i swear i really do love him, he’s easy to love, and it is funny to think of a time when i was like. No. I’m not making more clones. I won’t do it.

Stay / Leave and Say What You Mean feel a bit joined at the hip, it's hard to separate them in my mind, and i do think they belong together. Idk why, I have a lot of sentimental value placed on Say What You Mean not for any real reason, i think it just makes me feel that way bc its such a sentimental piece, but ultimately Say What You Mean maybe means slightly less to me bc Stay / Leave was the first time i realized like. Wait. Are LJ3 like. In love??? And for the way it changed the timeline forever that's gotta count for something, right.

[mercy-mercie-mercymorn]

my bg3 cynfic is going to stay, but god i was thinking on the metro today how funny it would be to have faraj in her place instead (context: this is an isekai with my ocs, Cynthia and Faraj are siblings).

assorted bg3 spoilers below the cut :)

astarion hates faraj, thinks he's no fun, secretly disappointed that faraj is straight, but faraj will let him drink blood whenever (from the neck strictly because of the carotid, although he did float the idea of the femoral atery) so he stays. faraj likes astarion because he reminds him of cynthia lol

gale and faraj are the same brand of annoying academic. pure autism to autism communication. gale unfortunately has to deal with the fact that faraj hates Mystra immediately and faraj also won't let him kill himself/become god. faraj thinks he's a little too pretentious which like, pot meet kettle

halsin puts the moves on faraj and faraj has to break the heterosexual news. they get along well. i think they have the same level of like, boring old man energy that only comes about after several hundred years of existence. these youngins need therapy or whatever

jaheira and faraj immediately get along. they are both old and tired. out of everyone i think jaheira is the one he would pursue if he had to pick someone (i see him as not romancing anyone tho). they swap stories pretty often, although she suspects he embellishes things (he does not)

karlach finds him fun because he plays the straightman to all her bits. he says things that are romantic ("I would fight all of Avernus for you") but intends it more in a justice-bringing way. he keeps telling her that she should meet his sister

lae'zel immediately decides to hate him but slowly comes around to his lowkey "no gods no masters" philosophy. faraj asks her a lot of aggravating philosophical questions which she thinks about at night instead of sleeping. she has never wanted to fuck a man less in her entire life.

shadowheart likes his practicality at first, and later comes to appreciate the same thing lae'zel does about him and his philosophy. their initial friendship is probably sparked by him not immediately lambasting Shar. he struggles to not get into arguments with her about it tho, because unlike lae'zel and Vlaakith, Shar is like actively injuring shadowheart and he really doesn't like that

wyll and faraj initially get along well, but i think their friendship gets complex once mizora comes into the picture because faraj is getting wayyyy too many flashbacks of his time w his mother. he's very much against mizora and ulder determining the course of wyll's life. kind of sees himself in wyll. would litigate mizora's contract

faraj would definitely not get along with minthara, but i think she's just so cartoonishly evil so much of the time that he would totally have a few drinks and argue about morality with her (ends w minthara stabbing him)

speed round!

isobel - "have you considered patricide?"

aylin - nothing but respect for her. she probably joins karlach in trying to get him to get extremely wasted

ketheric - genuinely tries to reason with him. would probably be more likely than cyn to sway him away from myrkul

orin - at first, mildly annoyed by her. she impersonates whoever and he immediately moves her to the top of his shit list

gortash - beyond exasperated with gortash's 4d chess bullshit. outsmarts him somehow, comforts karlach as best he can after she kills gortash

minsc - makes him a stim toy (based off of one angel has). spoils boo

the emperor - cautious at first. does not accept any deals from it and feels quite vindicated

[malpractice-morale]

so fun stuff fun stuff i have an ace pride pin on my pencil case and that is just about as open as i am about identifying as asexual due to my whole "a single-word label is never able to fully encompass the range of complex self-understanding and emotions of a person" approach to gender and sexuality and i really really don't want to get into the whole asexuality thing in relation to my own identity because that is wayyyy too closely linked to the darker parts of my personal history and i really don't need anybody to know. so subtlety it is, because i am also of the belief that it makes for a good nod to anybody who cares enough to even know the flag on the pin. but i have a friend who is ace too and with whom i have had that talk about my personal experiences around sex and attraction and just general intimacy and tactility but she has very little awareness that, while nominally open about my identity, i do in fact keep very quiet about it because i dont. want. people. to. ask.

cue to me handing her my pencil case fully aware that the pride pin is on there and she sometimes doesnt consider what she is saying and her immediately almost word for word repeating our conversation about it (not getting into personal history, but still quoting my approach to attraction (namely the "i dont swing at all" annecdote/quote from aftg because i am lame like that and it just fits as a description)) and a guy who i am fairly sure has a middling to major crush on me (which is weird for ANOTHER whole host of reasons) but who is also the most respectful person that i know is sitting right in front of me for all of that.

additional fun fact: i like my personal space, i am really picky about who i am okay with touching and that doesn't always correlate to whether or not i like people, that's a whole thing too.

additional additional fun fact: i have another whole THING™ about only telling people if they ask because i don't owe anybody my identity and asexuality allows the comfort of not needing to communicate to the people i am attracted to as there aren't any. and i don't care otherwise because, again, me and my (sort of involuntary) label have an ambivalent relationship since I DONT LIKE LABELS but we also live in a hellscape of a world where everything needs to be categorizable.

On the same day we had the ace-pin reveal (seriously, this pin has been on there for years now, get with it and learn the flags, people!) i offered the guy a goodbye hug because he is an emotional shipwreck right now and seemed like he needed it but, again, i dislike people in my personal space so this was a bit of an occasion™. safe to say he was perplexed at me offering a hug.

and here we are three days later with the guy asking me if that goodbye hug was weird or not (again, very nice dude who really likes respecting other people's boundaries). and then we get to the "was that weird because of "that penguin-pin on your pencil case"" and i have a grown ass man asking if i do not like people in my personal space because i am asexual and if that is a general asexuality thing and UGH this is precisely what i mean - i immediately have to explain that a) i am neither a representative of the identity i possess nor the community that it comes with b) that this community is NOT a monolith and c) i at most use asexual as a shorthand to get the "i don't want to date you fuck off" point across and don't feel that it, as either label or identity, fully encompasses my personal experience. and i REALLY don't want to get into the reasons for all of that so bless the guy for being good about boundaries and respecting mine. and not asking too many questions about it because NOPE we are not getting into the whole mess that is me and my relationship with sex and romance if there is any way i can avoid it. and in the moment my nervous system was on high alert because this conversation has the potential to go in a very bad direction for me. but i am reasonably sure that i will have to face the "why do you only talk about it when asked" question as well as the "so what does asexual even mean" conversation with this dude because our entire relationship is deep talking about personal problems until three am.

and on a last side note: i think the only people in my life that haven't yet gotten the gist of "i don't want to date anybody i do not care for sexual encounters get lost leave me alone in a hut in the woods with a barn full of animals pLEASE" are my parents and my best friend (although they are all aware of the fact that i am LIKE THAT, they are just not aware that there is a somewhat correspondent identity and label that i could utilize). in their case i am reasonably certain that, where my identity and lifestyle are currently accepted, giving it a name would only serve to "other" me, especially with regards to my dad who understands queerness only in the stereotypes of gay men and lesbian women. but at least my best friend needs to get with it sooner or later or one of my friends will assume she's in on it and be unable to keep their mouth shut (probably the same friend who was talking about the pin, she has bad impulse control and it is forgiven as the existence and meaning of the pin are public knowledge, so long people know to decode it (which, seriously, it's the year 2024 and this label has been around longer than my grandma).

so guess what my weekend plans will be, what great joy…. (for context: my best friend is my childhood best friend who is straighter than a ruler and has about negative understanding of queerness, meaning that, where in my university bubble most people know about asexuality and usually go about it in a "are you ace?" way, my best friend will need the whole kit and caboodle of Asexuality101 full frontal coming out and just the thought drains my life-force)

but hey, at least i am now kind of officially out to everybody in my university bubble so that is a win (though my friends who know already knew it without asking (and then asked))

[jjunbug]

hehe don’t even worry about it!! ♡♡ i’m so happy that i can finally read all your love thoughts on the prologue!! i’ve been waiting for this~~ but will do! 🫡

THE PLAYLISTTTT!!! i spent so much time on it hehe i’m glad that you like it!! and hehe the bog bodies i love that song so much and it fits so well with the future chapters too!! i’m excited for you to see it all ^^

but omg you got the subtle foreshadowing here!!! i love YOUU!!! and the worldbuilding hehe i’m so so happy that you like it so much!! and your super sweet words… stop i could cry. i’m so happy that my writing comes off so atmospheric and so visual that you can see the words like a movie!!! that’s like the greatest compliment ever and one of my goals, so you have no idea how glad i am to hear this!!! ♡♡ and published fantasy books??? i’m sobbing rn omg thank you?????

but yes!!! change is so so jarring and is literally nothing like how the (older) adults in our lives explained it to be and i wanted to show that in various ways. it’s something that i personally struggling with a lot and i’m so comforted but the fact that so many others can relate to me with this and also feel comforted by my words about it!! it truly reminds me that we aren’t in this all alone ♡♡♡

LMAOO😭 you asking if she’s a slave is killing me PLSS,,, i wouldn’t say she’s a slave, but she’s kinda like cinderella except there’s no evil stepsisters or anything just her!! her and her evil “mother” lamia lmao… but and the hound playing during all of this??? oh my… that would rip my guts out too… but hehe thank you so much!!! i literally start ascending when people compliment my music taste (∩˃o˂∩)♡♡ and lost playing while kai is introduced???? spotify perfectly lining up songs for you while reading omg,,, don’t even get me started on my blood,,,,,,

me??? a poet???? hehe stoppppp~~ (๑˃ᴗ˂) i use to be completely obsessed with poetry tho, so this is literally like the highest of compliments!!! reminds me of when i was in high school my english teacher had us write poems and she hung mine up for everyone to see for the rest of the time i was in high school lmao. but you complimenting my write,,, i will start crying omg.

but yesss!!!!! i love kai in this sm~~ him being all smooth and being like “well all queens need a king right??” like i’d literally melt on the spot me and mc are the exact same!!! and then him kissing her hand like OMGGGG,,, but yes hehe~~ this is just the prologue you’re not prepared for everything that goes down in chapter one…!!!

it’s okay lmao i laughed writing it😭😭 same with when i came up with green thumbs. i was like WAITTTT??? am i… a genius???? can you tell i spent wayyyy to much time coming up with the names of literally everything?? the oc names, the name of the inn, the name of the school…. hehe so much to tell~~ there’s literally SO much foreshadowing jam packed into this prologue that i’m so curious on how much everyone caught!!!

althea >>>>>>>>> lamia, that’s all i’ll say.

but yes yes yes THIS!!! him immediately going to her and content to just sit with her in silence if need be… literally besides althea, the only people they have in the whole world at that moment is each other, it’s so strangely comforting and so sad at the same time!! but i’m so happy that you like the dialogue!!!!! you don’t understand how many times i reread all of the paragraphs out loud just to make sure everything flowed well and that the dialogue didn’t seem so clunky… like it was kinda embarrassing but i’m so happy that it came out well!!!!!

and the artwork that inspired all of this!!!! you don’t understand as soon as i saw it i was like YES!!!!!! i need to write something about that IMMEDIATELY. i love artists and writers and poets so so much too, where would the world be without them??

but yes hehe all of the comparisons, i’m so happy that you caught it!!!! and i’m so happy you liked the inner dialogue too!!! i kinda did it a different way so i’m happy that it all paid off!! BUT YOURE LITERALLY SO SWEET AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AHHH!!! (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )♡♡♡ THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME!!!!!! TRUST i will publish a book one day and i’ll never forget all the kind things you and so many others said to me that lifted me up so high. literally going straight into my dedications and i’m so serious.

the timestamp for burn it down by daughter is killing me tho LMAOHSIFHJDFNJDD that’s so funny😭😭

literally gonna cry reading this like,,, i’m so happy that you enjoyed the prologue and thank you so so so so SO much for reading!!! ♡♡ i’m so excited to hear your thoughts about chapter one when i (finally) release it!!! hehe i hope you stay tuned!!!~~

BETWEEN TWILIGHT SKIES ───𝓅𝗋𝗈𝗅𝗈𝗀𝗎𝖾: 𝖺 𝗆𝗈𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗈 𝗌𝗎𝗇𝗅𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍

in a world that’s on its dying breath, the once green and lush landscapes get buried in more and more layers of ash. the once flourishing streets that were full of magic are now a dull hum. yet, there is still hope—and it lies in the hands of you and kai, the last people to possess magic. suddenly, you remember the story of a forest that watches, and a well of life that lies deep within. you’re determined to save your bleak world in any way that you can, yet, you weren’t expecting to end up in a brand new world entirely.

pairing ⸝⸝ huening kai 𝑥 fem!reader 𓄵 𝓯eat. ꔛ 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘳!𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘢 (𝘰𝘤) & 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘳!𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘢 (𝘰𝘤)

genre ⋆ 📖 ⸝⸝ angst, fluff, a lot of yearning and longing (both romantic and platonic), magic, sorcerer!kai

warnings ⸝⸝ kidnapping, toxic environments and parental relationships, implied bullying, two instances of reader getting slapped, violence, death (of people & animals), depictions of gore, implied anxiety attack and abuse, hand holding & staring into each others eyes, tension filled kissing

𝓴ipo’s note ⸝⸝ the series has finally started!! now listen, listen, listen!! i know what you’re thinking, “a prologue and it’s 7.6k????” but i need you guys to STAY WITH ME!!! stay with me and lock in and after reading it all you’ll understand why it had to be this long lmao… next chapter you’ll meet yeonjun hehe~~ i hope you enjoy!!

͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏  ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ❨ 7.6k ❩ ╱ ❨ 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ❩ ╱ ❨ 𝓼𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝒎𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ❩ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏  ͏ ͏  ︵͡   𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 (´ε｀ʃƪ)♡

‎ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏  ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏  ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏  ͏͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏  ͏͏ 𐦍 ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏NEXT ⤇

The world around you had begun to wither away and decay long before it had started to end. As most things do, the rot had started to creep its way in through love. It had used it as a gateway, spreading its sickness all throughout the things you touched until it was the thin wisps of ash coating your cracked fingertips. Still, you let the rot in—let it corrupt the things you loved and change them into something unrecognizable, something unimaginable—something that was now dead and gone. You just couldn’t let go of the small doses of love you were granted with—naively gulping down tasteless sips to fill that hole inside your heart left by people you never even really knew.

You cradled love like a child guards its favorite toy; with fear and hesitancy. It was clear in the way your body hunched over and you looked up at every grown-up through wet lashes. Obvious in the way your dirty clothes hung limply from gangly limbs—once a tight fit but now they seemed to be made for a child much older than you. It must’ve been what enthralled her, what made her decide to pluck a random child no older than five off the street in the middle of the night and take them home.

In a way, you guess you had to thank her for the senseless crime she committed; for it gave you a warm bed to lay your head at night and food to fill your growling belly. It didn’t bother you that it all had come at a price, in fact, you were none the wiser. But, you’d know soon enough. The mask can only stay on for so long before it starts to crack—before it starts to rot like everything else did.

Lamia, is the name she sweetly whispered next to your ear as she tucked you into a bed that was never yours that night. “But, you can call me Mom,” she said, placing a soft kiss on your forehead.

It was hard watching things change in front of your very eyes. It was never the way people described it for you. Not the slow twist of vines along a column or the grass growing taller than a fence—no. It was the whipping of wind across your face. You’d go to wipe your teary eyes and find the sunny and warm scenery was now cold and dead with glittering snow laying everywhere.

You hated it.

You wished that things could stay as they were for as long as they could. You hated watching the faces of people you’ve grown to know dip and sag with age in an instant. You hated watching the life leave their eyes in a quick blink. And you hated how life seemed to go so slow for everyone except for you.

If you could dare to wish for one thing, it would be more time.

Sweet nights and even sweeter days began to sour, and Lamia—your mother—wasn’t as kind as she used to be when you were still a child. You think that that is what hurt the most with this odd whipping of wind, that you were forced to watch the love your mother held for you leave her eyes faster than you got to grow up to the young teenager you were today.

“Welcome to the Freywolf Inn!” you heard her voice exclaim to the ringing bell of the door. It was a careful blend of welcoming and cheerful. The sound was drowned out of your ears by the incessant sound of a brush against hardwood and soap mixing with water. You sat back on your knees, throwing the brush into the soapy mess and letting it clang against the floor, sighing. You wiped the back of your wet hand across your forehead and sucked in a breath.

Your knees ached and your hands were sore and cramped. This was the worst part of your mornings. No matter how hard you scrubbed these wooden floors, it wasn’t enough for Lamia. If they didn’t shine as if freshly polished when you were done then you scrubbed them wrong and she made you clean them again. Standing up on weak legs, you looked over your shoulder at the new customers as you reached for the bucket of dirty soap water. A soft gasp left your lips and you had to hold on tight to the bucket handle with both hands to ensure its contents didn't go spilling all over the floor.

You’d recognize them anywhere—the Collective, with their hooded, light forest-green cloaks embroidered with gold filigree and its golden satin insides. You never saw a member in person before—not that you were particularly excited to. Seeing a member of the Collective, so far away from the School of Pith, could only mean one thing…

The rot was here.

Frozen like a deer caught on sacred ground, you stared wide-eyed at them as they made their way to the common room, their carefree laughs carrying in the air around them. It felt like a bad omen—a confirmation. You tried so hard to ignore the fate of the things around you, but seeing that you could no longer hide from it was like a punch to your stomach.

Strangely, you also couldn’t help but be morbidly fascinated by it all. You exhaled slowly, steadying your racing heart and stilling your shaking hands that grasped the handle of the wooden bucket. Distantly, you felt the sting of pain across the back of your hands and shut your eyes. Only when every last molecule of air was absent from your lungs did you allow yourself to gulp in more to soothe the burning—just like your mother taught you.

Your eyes fluttered back open and landed on the group of sorcerers. They playfully practiced their magic out in the open—ringlets of green floating in the air and curling around their fingers and forearms. Their hands moved in peculiar ways, a jerk here or a smooth twist of their wrist there. You couldn’t understand it, but the more you watched them perform magic in front of your very eyes, the more you wanted to. 

One member stood out to you in particular. He sat off to the side, a small distance away from where the others engaged and practiced their magic at, by himself. Dark hair fell over his warm-brown eyes, but you could still see how kind they were as they watched the other members of the Collective almost fondly. His green hood was over his head and he fiddled with the seams of his white pants with pale hands. There was a ghost of a smile on his face and—unbeknownst to you—there was one on yours too.

He didn’t practice his magic like the others did. He seemed content in just watching, having no need in the selfish display of power the others showcased. It piqued your interest what set him apart from the others and already you could feel a growing favor blossom in your chest for the boy.

He had to be only a few years older than you were and your cheeks warmed at the thought. He reached his arms up and pushed the hood backwards off his head, seemingly oblivious to your staring as were the rest of them. The filtered daylight washed over his body and you saw him more clearly. Your eyes greedily scanned over the slopes of his face, desperate to take him all in as quickly as you could. You couldn’t lie, he was beautiful.

You trailed your eyes over to the wisps of the green in the air. It’s different knowing that magic exists in a world so bleak and actually seeing it in action. It made you wonder where the ash was here in your small village—the rot—so you could watch them smother it. You needed to see those ringlets of green curl around it tighter and tighter until it didn’t exist anymore. Until all of the ash was gone for good.

You wanted to know what it felt like to wield such magic. Your fingers itched to replicate their movements in hopes that green wisps of your own would emerge. Maybe then would your touch not bring about destruction.

A hand roughly grabs your shoulder and breaks you away from the trance you were under. “Stupid child! Can you not hear?”

Lamia’s wrinkled face startlingly comes into view and you feel the bite of her nails in the flesh of your arm through the fabric of the thin dress you wore. You stammered, unsure of what to say and what her previous words were, and blinked rapidly at her accusation.

Wind whipped across your face and too late did you feel prickling pain spread across your cheek. The inn fell deathly silent and your eyes started to water. You swallowed down the lump in your throat thickly, your watery eyes finding your mother’s. “When I ask you a question, you answer it. Do I have to repeat myself?” your mother asked you.

Slowly, you shook your head and willed yourself to find your voice. “N-no, mother.” Your voice came out in a quiet squeak, completely pathetic and weak.

“Good,” Lamia responded. “Dry these soap-covered floors before our customers slip. Then, I want you to ensure the rooms for them are ready.” 

“Yes, mother,” you said in that same weak voice.

She looked you up and down for a moment before tsking. Then, she turned on her heel and returned back to where she was behind the counter beforehand. Smoke curled from her mouth as she leisurely flipped through the sign-in book, unaware of the way time changed around her.

You swallowed thickly again, fingers tightening and untightening around the handle of the bucket you still held. Slowly, you turned just enough to look over your shoulder at lounging customers. No longer did they smile and laugh with a carefree attitude and swirls of green in the air. Instead, they stared at you with barely disguised shock. Your gaze snapped to the boy you were spellbound with earlier to find him staring too, mouth slack and sitting at the edge of the couch like he was eager to stand. His eyes met your teary ones and you broke away from the sudden connection.

Lifting the bucket closer to your chest, you rushed off into the direction of the rooms, embarrassment weighing you down and the once unshed tears now falling down your face. You ignored the sloshing sound of the water inside of it and the way the wood hit against your stomach, spilling over the metal lip and onto the floor below, creating an even bigger mess.

Sniffling, you hid yourself in the supply room. Your tears fell freely and a large sob wracked your body. You let the bucket slip from your fingers just inches from the rocky floor without a care and with a piercing thud. Stupid, you thought to yourself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Get it together. Stop crying.

Yet, the tears wouldn't stop. You heaved in breaths of air that refused to reach your lungs. You didn’t have time for this. If the floors weren’t dry and the rooms weren’t checked on in a timely manner then you’d get worse than a slap across the face. Harshly, you dug the palms of your hands into your cheeks and wiped away the fallen tears. You compelled yourself to take a deep breath, to let the oxygen reach your lungs and not be blocked by the false closing of your throat. 

Closing your eyes, you took in another deep breath, and another and another until your body no longer began to tremble. You straightened your back so you weren’t hunched over anymore and wiped your hands down the front of your damp dress. When you felt like you weren’t unravelling at the seams only then did you step out of the supply room to face the world.

Instead of the loud chattering coming from the Collective like from when they arrived, it was quiet and sparse whispers. When you got closer to where they were in the common room, the whispers grew.

You tried to drown their whispers out—opting to instead get to work on your mother’s request. Dropping to your knees, you took the clean towel and aggressively dried the wet section of hardwood floor beneath you, letting all your focus fall onto the repeated action.

Footsteps sounded behind you, but you didn’t hear them until an unfamiliar voice stunned you from your focus. “If I may?” the voice asked. You looked to the side, eyes meeting dirty brown boots whose eyelets caught in the bright sun. They trailed upwards to white pants and gold embroidered filigree onto a light, forest-green velvet fabric. Your hand halted its aggressive drying as your eyes ascended further to meet the boy from earlier’s handsome face. Your eyes widened to saucers and his seemed to be just as big as they looked down at you. “It will all go faster if I do this,” he continued, some of his words wobbling around the edges.

You remained silent, not trusting your voice to not come out raw and abrasive. The boy extended a hand out in front of him and with a twist of his wrist wisps of green emerged and wrapped around it. They swirled out around the two of you, lightly fogging across the floor. You turned to the wet floor in front of you and watched as it suddenly dried, the wood shining in the sunlight pouring in from the window. Your jaw slackened as your mouth fell open.

“It was a simple spell—you shouldn’t have to be on your hands and knees drying a floor,” the boy stated, the second part lower than the first so your mother didn’t hear. He outstretched his hand to you. Your mouth was still open as you turned back to stare blankly at his hand. An amused and warm smile pulled his cheeks upward and you suddenly came to the realization that you must’ve looked ridiculous.

“T-thank you…” you trailed off, voice barely above a whisper, still starstruck by the display of magic and the boy’s smile. You straightened your back before blinking a couple times. Clearing your throat, you accepted his outstretched hand and the boy helped you to your feet.

He chuckled and you felt your knees weaken more. His hand was still holding yours, the both of you forgetful as your gaze seared into each other. The smile slowly fell from his face, his lips parting with unspoken words as he gaped at you as if bewitched. Snickering to your side brought the two of you back to real life and you pulled your hands away from each other. 

“Uh,” the boy said, clenching the hand that was just holding yours and trying to form a coherent sentence. His gaze snapped briefly to the other members of the Collective before landing on you again. “U—No worries! It was nothing, really. Kai.” He stammered over his words before his eyebrows raised. “My name. It’s–I’m, uh, Kai.”

Kai outstretched his hand again before he thought better of it and swiftly yanked it away, instead rubbing the back of his neck with it. If you weren’t so disoriented you’d laugh, but you just stare at him instead, the heat slowly creeping up your neck. You then realize how much of a mess you must look and quickly wipe your cheeks to get rid of any remaining tears. “Um,” you start, “I… I’m—”

Your name slices through the air like a knife. You jump, eyes darting over to where your mother stood behind the counter, a saccharine smile pulling her lips as she looked at the two of you. It felt as if you were watching a snake rattle its tail. Looking back to Kai, you offer him the tiniest of smiles before rushing away again, leaving him standing alone.

You’re not quite sure when the obsession with magic started. Maybe it was when you saw how carefree the Collective looked wielding it, as if it was second nature. Or, maybe it was when Kai had so graciously used it to help you out so you didn’t have to spend the remainder of the morning on your hands and knees. All you did know was that it had sunk its claws inside of you, gripping fiercely at your heart and making the hole inside of it larger.

Maybe it was when you started sneaking away from, or even downright rushing to finish, your duties so you could watch them practice magic. Maybe it was the rush you got watching their hands twist and jerk in specific movements for specific outcomes, green coils emerging from the motions.

But, you think it started when you lifted your hands into the air, daring to copy them.

At first, it was nothing, and frustration built up like a brick wall inside you. Then, that frustration turned to resentment, and that resentment into anger.

The Collective were here for a week so far and you weren't sure how long you had left before they departed. Why weren’t you born with magic like they were? If you had magic, it would change everything. No longer would everything rot around you when you could smother the rot all out—bring everything that has long been dead and gone back to life. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair at all.

You flicked your fingers in the air angrily as green smoked around the member’s fingers and not yours. Something a mix between and groan and a growl emerged from your throat instead. But, you were determined—and you refused to give up.

Perfecting the twists of your wrists and quick jerks of your fingers, you exhaled steadily and focused on getting the same result the member of the Collective did—cracking open a single walnut without touching it. The walnut sat on the floor in front of you mockingly and you scowled at it before focusing again.

“Come on,” you whispered to yourself. “Come on, come on. Work, please.” With one final twist of your wrist, you heard the distinct cracking sound and a soft gasp pushing between your lips. Your face broke into a smile and it took everything in you not to cheer at the top of your lungs. You watched the slightest hints of green feather away around the lengths of your fingers, so fast the color was barely distinguishable. A smile spread across your face from ear to ear.

“Yes!” you proclaimed, taking care to keep your voice low. A pleased laugh left your mouth and happy tears filled your lash line, “Yes!”

Your view snapped back to that of the Collective in the dining hall. You listened to the way they joked with each other and made water spin into wine—getting themselves drunk and red-faced. As your stare analyzed them, you noticed that Kai wasn’t among them.

It was odd, you thought, but it reminded you of the first time you saw him and how he sat apart from the others. How different he seemed from them. Just from watching the Collective members interact, you already didn’t like them. Maybe Kai felt the same.

You haven’t talked to him since that day—haven’t really seen him around besides quick glimpses, either. A peculiar feeling stirred in your chest and you weren’t sure what it meant. You just hoped that your paths would cross again.

When you weren’t at Freywolf Inn, you were at the craft guild with your nose buried in a book. You were there so often that you were on a first name basis with the stationer, Althea, a sweet lady who distinctly had the look that reminded you of a barn owl. In the entirety of your small village, it seemed Althea was the only one who wasn’t victim to the rot. You felt safe being around her—and she always remarked how much you were like a daughter to her.

She let you freely borrow the books she received or binded and even let you hang out behind the counter while she dealt with artisans and people wealthier than you could ever imagine who came to see her from all over the world. You remember asking her one day why people came from all over to see her wares.

“Not that they’re bad,” you quickly added, leaning the open book onto your thighs as you looked up at her from your hiding spot underneath the counter. She threw you a witty smile over her shoulder from the press she was at, hair the color of cinnamon sticks falling over her shoulder. The two of you felt as if you were moving at the same speed—you barely realized the fact that streaks of white slowly became more prevalent in her hair. “I mean, this is just such a small village… Wouldn’t they go to communes or the King’s Roots where the school is?”

Althea’s voice was nothing like you’ve heard before despite her saying how she grew up in the village. It had a strange accent and the way she spoke was like silk against the bark of a tree. Althea turned from where she worked to meet your questioning look, leaning over and resting her elbows on her knees so she was just about eye level with you, “Not… quite. See, I offer words that you won’t find on a shelf at the School of Pith. Illustrations they wouldn’t dare to let one of their students witness.”

You sat up more underneath the counter, completely abandoning the still open book in your lap. Your eyes shined with curiosity and Althea laughed—a sound that resembled crackling fire. “What kind of words?” you asked her.

“Knowledge, my owlet. There’s much more out there than the green thumbs of Pith—the royals and the wealthy.” Althea spat out green thumbs like food stuck on her tongue. You knew she never liked the Collective, but to this day, she still never told you why.

Althea stood and walked over to one of the shelves that you never touched, but was always only open for certain customers who came inside the guild hooded and quiet. Her finger ran along the spines as her white brows drew together, “There is a forest in this world, buried deep within another.” Her brows lifted as she found the book she was looking for and she made her way back to the counter.

You crawled from beneath the counter, twisting to watch as she laid the thick book down onto it and opened it to the beginning pages. You gently discarded the book you were reading off to the side of the counter, your focus now on the twirling of words and stirring drawings. Althea’s fingers gently caressed the pages. Her face was distant and longing, like recounting a memory that happened centuries ago. “The Forest That Watches, it is called,” she continued. “It’s white-barked trees have black eyes drawn onto them by people from long ago and its drooping pink leaves kiss the sacred ground.”

For a moment, Althea was quiet. You waited patiently, decidedly taking in the open page until she was ready to speak again. You could tell that this forest was a sensitive topic for her and you didn’t want to pry. You looked up at her when she wrapped her arm around your shoulders. She regarded you with a fond smile, “The forest has never been found, though, and it remains watching—waiting. Its pink leaves hide what’s inside; the Well of Life.”

With her free arm, Althea flipped through the pages until it landed on the Forest and the Well. “Woah,” you muttered, leaning forward to get a better look at it. Even from the illustrations you could tell how beautiful it was, feel the magic that radiated from it all.

You knew why it hadn’t been found yet—why it never could be. That much power in the wrong hands would be detrimental. But, you couldn’t help but wonder how different your world would be if it had access to the magical waters Althea was telling you about.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Althea breathed wistfully. “We’ll meet there one day… under the pink leaves and drink from the Well.” She returned her gaze to yours. “Wouldn’t that be nice? Then the turning of the sun won’t seem so fast.”

You sighed to yourself as your eyes fell back to the pages. You leaned your head into Althea’s side and she wrapped her arm around you tighter. “That would be nice,” you say.

In the darkness of the night, you let the shadows listen to your deepest wishes. And how you wish that it was Althea who plucked you from the streets instead of Lamia.

You wander Althea’s shelf now, hands running along the spines. Your fingertips still buzz with the magic you emitted earlier and you swear you can feel the contents of the shelved books calling out to you. Stilling, your fingers halt onto a book. The pull was just too strong to deny and when you turn your head to read the spine you find that the lettering has been rubbed away by time. You hum in slight annoyance before pulling the book from the shelf.

You can feel how Althea’s eyes trail you, especially when you walk over to the counter to take your familiar spot under it. In the corner of your eye, you can see her head tilt. “You feel different. And you’re quiet—quieter than usual,” she says quizzically.

Looking up from your book, a corner of your mouth raises. “Magic, Althea…” Your face breaks out into full-on excitement. “I have it! At least… sparks of it…”

Althea’s face doesn’t change from its quizzical expression. She shifts in her seat in front of the press. “Green?” she asked you, accusatory. You're unsure whether her accusatory tone was towards you or not.

The excitement swiftly falls from your face and you sit up more under the counter. “I… Yeah…” you mutter, avoiding her stare.

“It can’t be,” Althea states matter-of-factly. Her white brows furrow, and she looks away from you. “Can’t be…” she quietly trails off, more to herself than to you. “Green is… can’t be, can’t be. Doesn’t make sense.”

“I think it was green…” you pipe up, voice falling flat towards the end when her piercing black eyes snap to yours. “I didn’t really see the color, it all happened too fast.” It was true, but in your heart you wished it was green. You just wanted Althea to stop acting all fidgety and looking at you the way she did. You held the book in your arms closer to your chest and Althea’s gaze dropped to the movement.

Althea’s body physically relaxed from the tense state it was in, and if you looked close enough, you thought you could see the ghost of a smile on her lips. She hummed, suddenly pleased, “Magic… how enchanting. Have I told you about the White Fawn? Or, the prophecy of Eternal Winter?”

Your brows knitted at the change in her demeanor, but you concluded that it was better to leave it be. You shook your head at her question. “What about faeries?” Althea asked. 

“No,” you responded, “what are they?”

Althea slid to the ground in front of you, a grin pulling her mouth and exposing her teeth. She tapped the book you desperately clutched to your chest with an ivory finger. “Why don’t you take a look?”

You giggled to yourself, letting your arms flow in the harmony of the wind. You twirled and moved your body to the tune of nature—to the sounds of the forest’s edge behind you with its rustling leaves and chattering animals. The crown of sticks and fallen leaves fell down further onto your forehead and you laughed more. You didn’t even notice the single brilliant blue butterfly that landed on it and completed your costume.

If your mother saw you right now, she’d be furious. She had sent you out here on punishment with the intention of having you clean the stables behind the inn. Instead, you were dancing The Dance of Youth and pretending to be the Faerie Queen.

You spent all day yesterday reading Althea’s book on anything magical you could get your hands on, which mainly consisted of faeries and the realm they occupied. The books conjured up tales, legends, and myths of those more than human—people with glittering or colorful skin, wings, horns shooting from their heads, and even human-like versions of some of the animals you were already familiar with. It was completely enthralling reading about it all, and feeling all the magic pour off of the pages made you even more giddy. The magic the School of Pith had was nothing compared to the magic you had read about.

In a kingdom so sunny and full of bloom, A deadly winter approaches to cause mass doom. Drowns the kingdom in layers of snow, And becomes a place where nothing grows and no one goes.

You sang and danced around in the grass, pretending that you weren’t human at all, but faerie. That you were queen and the lands stretching from the edge of the forest to the inn was your kingdom. You wished you lived in Faerie where all the other magical creatures resided. That you and Althea could live there together, happy. Maybe even Kai could join you too. You giggled more at the wonderful thought.

Rustling in the forest drew your attention and you halted your dance. You leaned forward, listening closely and peering at the way the setting sun shined through the leaves, but then laughed at how ridiculous the notion was. Of course there was rustling, it’s a forest. You turned your attention back to the doll propped up on a rock, watching you. “Don’t look at me that way,” you say, twirling once more before making your way over to it.

The doll was a sightly thing made out of straw and sticks that Althea gave to you as a child. After all these years you still had it, and you cherished it deeply—making sure to keep it hidden from Lamia so she wouldn’t toss it out. You could hear her voice now, “A girl born in the summer of the thirteenth year of the King still playing with dolls? How preposterous!”

You hummed, bending down to retrieve the doll. “What an odd thing to say… Why should I find a man to marry in order to rule? I am the Faerie Queen. This is my kingdom, I shall rule it how I see fit!”

Too lost in your own dream-like world, you don’t notice the crunching of leaves beneath boots. “Well, all Queens need a King to stand beside them,” a voice said behind you. You spun in place, clutching the doll to your chest. Kai tilted his head at you, an easy smile playing on his lips. “Don’t you think?” he concluded.

His cloak was covered in ash. He and the other members of the Collective must have just returned from defeating the ash in the area for good. The heat immediately rushed to your face and your mind raced. Kai stood mere feet from you and you were stumbling over your own thoughts on what to say. You stood up straighter, trying to appear nonchalant, “I-I suppose…”

How embarrassing it was to be caught in such childlike endeavors—by Kai of all people! You moved the doll behind your back in an attempt to hide it, yet Kai’s gaze followed the action before flicking back up to your face. Behind him, you saw the rest of the Collective ride up on horses towards the inn, snickering at the two of you. “I see Kai has finally found someone willing to lay with him!” one shouted sarcastically.

Kai’s face soured and he looked over his shoulder at them with a glare before turning back to you. Face softening, he took a step towards you. “Ignore them,” Kai says, “They think they’re funny and they’re not.”

He stripped off his velvet green cloak and gave it a good shake away from where you stood. Ash clouded off of it in front of him, making the two of you cough a little. “Sorry,” Kai coughed, letting the cloak fall onto the rock next to him. “So… The Faerie Queen, huh? What’s that? Does that have something to do with your dance?”

You looked down to your feet in even more embarrassment. “It’s… It’s nothing.” You sat down on the rock that your doll was previously perched on. “I can’t believe you saw that…” you muttered under your breath.

“It looked like fun,” Kai laughed, and you looked up to catch the way his smile lingered as he looked down at you. “You seemed really into it, didn’t even notice me coming up behind you. You jumped like a caught baby deer.”

It was your turn to laugh. “A baby deer?” you asked and Kai nodded. “I guess you could say that, but you scared me!” Kai sat down next to you. He pointed his chin upwards, his eyes on the crown of sticks and leaves on your head. “Is that your crown, Faerie Queen?”

Biting your lip, you took the crown off and placed it in your lap. You toyed with the leaves in it. “You should make me one,” Kai says. You looked up at him. He was much closer than you originally thought he was, his shoulder brushing up against yours making you nervous. This close up you could see all the details of his face—his eyelashes that occasionally rested softly on round, smiling cheeks, and the curve of his plump, pinked lips. And his warm, brown eyes that never left your face. “You know… Queens and Kings and all of that…”

You smiled, looking away from him so he wouldn’t see how flustered he made you. “Really?” you questioned, braving his stare once again. “Yeah!” Kai exclaimed. He leaned closer to you, “Only if you see me fit, though, my queen.”

Kai took your hand in his and bent over to press his lips to the back of it, his eyes flicking up to look at you between his lashes. The action set you alight and you were so sure that Kai could feel the heat radiating off of your body. “I’ll have to put you to the test,” you mutter, barely managing to get your words out. “Only the best can rule with me by my side.”

You felt the vibrations of Kai’s laugh against your skin before he sat back up, his hand still grasping yours. His face was even closer to yours now. All it took was one of you to lean a little closer and your lips would meet. “Well, you’ll find that I am the best of the best,” Kai spoke, lowly. His eyes dropped to your lips and he swayed a little. “Nobody stands a chance against me.”

“Is that so?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Mhm,” Kai nodded. He closed the gap between the two of you and pressed his lips against yours. With the hand that wasn’t holding yours, he used it to cup your cheek and lift your chin to kiss you deeper. You melted into his touch, your lips moving in sync with his. It was perfect, and the feeling of his soft lips on yours was like heaven.

“Why don’t you show her your magic wand!” a voice behind you and Kai yelled in your direction. The two of you broke apart, yet Kai’s hand remained on your cheek. Embarrassment crept up your neck and you could tell from Kai’s red ears that he was feeling the same way. He turned to where the voice came from, brows drawing together to form another dirty glare.

The rustling in the woods was more prevalent now and both you and Kai’s head snapped to the edge of the forest. Before your ears could even pick up on the growling, a large wolf jumped out from between the trees. Both you and Kai raced to your feet and he held a hand out to guide you behind him. You hugged your doll to your chest in fear. Besides his body being tense, Kai remained relatively calm.

The wolf growled and snapped at the two of you, its sharp teeth piercing the air as spit ran down the corners of its jaw. “Awe, he can’t even handle a single wolf… the Ash is going to smoke him out!” Members of the Collective laughed behind you, but Kai paid them no mind. He guided you slowly backwards and away from the edge of the forest.

Kai quickly glanced back at you and the way you trembled, terrified. “It must be hungry,” he said, focusing back on the wolf. Green swirls of magic wrapped around the two of you. “It probably smells the meat from the nearby butcher’s.”

“It wouldn’t kill us, right?” you asked with a shaky voice, already knowing how foolish the question was before finishing it. Kai looked over his shoulder at you again, his face the most serious you’ve seen it, “Make something scared and it’ll do just about anything to get rid of the feeling.”

Just as Kai turned his head back towards the wolf, it pounced at the two of you. Behind it, more wolves prowled out of the woods, snarling. You barely registered that the harrowing scream that filled your ears was your own before you were pushed to the ground.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion for once in your entire life. The members of the Collective who were snickering and poking fun at you and Kai jumped into action, spirals of green emerging from their fingertips. More of them piled out from the inn, along with Lamia. You don’t realize that a hand is grabbing your arm and lifting you to your feet before you’re being pushed out of the crossfire.

All you see is green. At least, at first.

Then, splatters of red cover your vision. The screams and cracking of bones fill your ears and bodies fly through the air. Hot tears run down your cheeks and you close your eyes. Then, there is complete and utter silence.

The silence lasts for a moment before all sound comes rushing back to you so fast it felt like your ears were bleeding. There was screaming and crying and more cracking of bones set into place. You opened your eyes to see that the once green pasture you danced in was covered in red—red so dark it was almost black, and disfigured bodies and torn limbs were everywhere.

You stood up from the mud, eyes scanning through the green in the air in search of Kai. When you found him, tending to one of his members whose leg was missing, you breathed a sigh of relief. He was covered in blood and viscera, but it looked like he was unharmed. Barely taking a step in his direction, nails dug into your arm, bringing about a sharp sting that you were all too familiar with.

Body swinging in the opposite direction of Kai, you came face to face with your mother. Her hand reached up to roughly grab your chin. “What have you done?!” She screamed at you.

You glanced around you, never hearing her this angry before. More tears slid out of your eyes and to the dirt below and you tried to talk around the lump in your throat. You took in the destruction all around you, at the dead wolves that were now being carried towards the butcher who stood a couple feet from you. His voice caught in the air, “...a lamb, yeah.” You looked at how many lives the Collective lost in a sheer matter of minutes—and how it was all your fault. “It… I—” you started.

“You brainless child!” Your mother’s hand striked you so hard across the face that you fell back down to the mud at your feet. “Do you know how bad this is for business? Members of the Collective are dead on my soil!” You held your searing cheek with the hand that wasn’t still clutching onto your straw doll as you looked up at your mother with tearful eyes.

“I… I didn’t m—”

“Shut up. Go. I never want to see your vile face again!” Lamia screamed, her wrinkled face turning as red as the sunset behind her. She pointed a shaky finger away from the inn. You stood up on weak legs, your knees shaking. “But—but, Mom—” you cried.

“Go!”

You gave her one last pleading look before taking off, stumbling over your own feet. Tears blurred your vision, but you didn’t need sight for the place you were running to. You could find Althea in the dark, bound and soundless, if you had to.

You pushed open the doors of the guild and fell to the floor just in front of the counter, startling Althea and the customer she was engaging with. Your chest heaved and your tears formed a puddled at your scraped and dirty knees. “S-She… They’re all…” Your whole body shook and you couldn’t even form a coherent sentence.

Althea rushed to you, taking you into her arms and completely abandoning her customer. You caught a glimpse of them from Althea’s chest and didn’t know what you saw… Scaly skin that caught the light before a clawed hand pulled the hood further over their face, maybe? Althea shushed you and rubbed comforting circles into your back. “It’s okay, my owlet, it’s okay. I’ll take care of you.”

Love is a very wretched thing. It lets in the rot and the maggots and the ash. But, you still couldn’t help scraping off the corruption and placing it gently in your heart anyway. You couldn’t let go of the thought that maybe it could be beautiful, that it could be worth the cracked skin.

Instead of your usual hiding spot under the counter next to where Althea worked, you were hidden away between shelves at the back of the guild, alone. A book sat open in your lap, but your mind was too distracted to read any of the words in it. You heard the soft pattering of feet along the hardwood and turned to the sound.

Kai stood before you, completely distraught and still covered in blood from the wolf attack.

You waited for him to speak, but he said nothing. You moved the open book in your lap to the side as you sat up. Your lips parted as you thought of something to say. “T-Thank you,” you said finally. “You saved my life.”

Kai’s eyes weren’t the warm brown that they were earlier. Something shifts in them and you swallow thickly. They were cold, lifeless. Kai just nodded and slumped down to the floor next to you. An awkward silence filled the air and you didn’t know what to say to resolve it.

“How did you find me?” you asked in a meek voice. Kai’s eyes shifted over to you from where they looked out the window to the dark sky. “I saw you run here,” he says plainly. “Followed you.”

Silence penetrates the air before he speaks again. “They kicked me out,” Kai says, his lifeless eyes still boring into you. “They kicked me out of the School of Pith.”

Your mouth falls open in shock and you rush to apologize, saying how it was all your fault, but Kai just shakes his head and looks away from you. He’s still in his Collective uniform, but now the light, forest-green of his velvet cloak seems dull and dark. It doesn’t help that it’s now splattered with blood. “I guess it was my last chance.”

There’s no inflection in his voice, nothing to show whether the result makes him sad or angry or even annoyed. His face is expressionless. The only hint to his inner turmoil is the way his fingers pull harshly at the seams of his dirty white pants. The tips of them are reddened, like he’s been at it for a while now.

Kai turned back to you and reached a hand up to gently rub his thumb along your bruised cheek. His gaze then dipped to the book on the floor. “What are you reading?”

You hand the book to him, the page opened onto the legend of the White Fawn that Althea told you about. Kai hummed, “You don’t really believe in all that stuff, do you? This myth?”

“You don’t?” you asked incredulously. “You have magic, but don’t believe in a white deer that brings about luck and fortune?”

For the first time that night, you manage to get Kai to chuckle. “I suppose you’re right…” he trailed. “I might not be the firmest believer in myths and legends, but I do know a lot about them. We learned about them at the school—more things than you’ll read about in any book.”

Kai glances at you and catches the way your eyes light up. A smile pulls at the corner of his lips. The light still isn't back in his eyes—and his smile doesn't reach them either—but, it’s a start. You look at him as if he just hung all the stars in the pitch black sky.

“You want me to teach you?” Kai asks, and you desperately nod your head.

‎ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏  ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏  ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏  ͏͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏  ͏͏ 𐦍 ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏NEXT ⤇

[ kipo’s note . . . ] wow… a lot happened… you see why it had to be almost 8k words now?? lmaoo i had to set everything up! but tell me how you feel about it all!! what do you think about the faerie realm, or the myths of the forest that watches and the well of life? the white fawn and the prophecy of eternal winter??? lemme know all your thoughts, don’t be shy!!! (∩˃o˂∩)♡

𖥦 ﴾ 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗎𝖾 𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗈 . . . 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗺.𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 , 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 , 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ﴿ ︵͡   𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 (´ε｀ʃƪ)♡

🏷️﹙ 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝖺𝖽𝖽𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗆𝗒 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗆𝖺𝗇𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝖺𝗀𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍? 𝖼𝗅𝗂𝖼𝗄 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 ﹚ @jjunberry @gothgyuu @gyuuberries @hyukascampfire @xylatox @ghstzzn @izzyy-stuff @sunoosgfv @jihyokat @whosserina @jellymochii @innocygnet @sumsumtingz @riribelle @yeoningz @minaateez @beombunni @jiryunn @lvrs-street2mmorrow @everythingvirgoes @beomieeeeeeeeeeees @usuallyunlikelyfox @blossommi @tinycatharsis

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[aliens-took-my-iwa-chan]

for the assumption thingy-

i feel like you're kinda clumsy, and if you're not you've got a bunch of weird marks/bruises on your legs or smth

and you drink like iced coffee/chocolate, or just cold drinks a lot of the time-

either sleep a *LOT* or not at all

antisocial around some people, but others you cant stop talking?

too many hyper fixations that change all the time (some stay longer than other)

hyper when you want to be, but can be lazy as well

OOOOO YAYAYAY! and bestie holy crap you hit the nail on the head with this one-

yeah youre so right, I actually just ran into a wall yesterday in front of a group of people + the theatre teacher and she just goes

“alien? (not my actual name lmfao)” “yeah?” “theres a wall there.” I- HFHDJJF,,,, the worst part is that whenever I get surprised I make a high pitched squeak so it was really awkward lmfaooooo

(also I totally have this huge bruise on my leg and no idea where I got it from) (no its not from the wall)

I really love cold drinks!!! I dont carry them around with me bc I *hate* using the bathroom in public so I only really drink things at lunch or at home, but yeah hfjvjdjfj- its awful though bc APPARENTLY IM COLD BLOODED- whenever I drink something cold I get really cold and start shivering and stuff and it really freaks some people out hahdhfhsjf

also yes you got this one right too- I go through weird fluctuations where I either go to sleep too early (I hate going to sleep early with a passion I feel like im missing out on time to do stuff) or wayyyy too late, but it doesnt change daily its like for weeks on end before it switches up- its weird lmfao

dude this one was so accurate- I get really scared around people I dont know well so I get reallyyyy quite bc of how scared I am for intruding, making first impressions, thinking they wont like me, etc etc but around people I’m comfortable with I bounce off the *walls* (NO NOT THE THEATRE WALL SHUSH)

yeah :”) unfortunately my blog reflects this one- people will follow me for saiki k and then I flood their dash with bungou stray dogs lmfaooo- most recently it was that I was going crazy over bsd and hxh and then all of a sudden I was like nope im switching it up and weirded out EVERYONE with a completely different type of media with gothic horror- hxjfjdjfjdjfj I actually feel really bad about it because I dont want to flood everyones dash with something they dont care about, but at the same time this is my favorite thing atm-

yeah this is accurate- im extremely hyper quite a bit, I do this thing my friends have called “horse feet” where if im standing I bounce from one foot to the other excitedly and when im sitting I just stamp my feet lmfaooooooo- but im also extremely lazy and out of shape lmfaooo the stairs at school wind me- xD

THANKS FOR THE ASK IM SORRY I RAMBLED SO MUCH <33333333 also how did you get like, everything right- thats impressive bestie-