#also I forced my sibling to take the quiz

[pastelcrow]

I GUESSED SOMEWHAT CORRECT IN MY COMMENT

can you guys take my uquiz

[a-man-named-shang]

Characters that Inspire Shang:

Zuko - particularly this drive for duty/honor. I think this will be especially more relevant when Shang finds out more about his father and that situation and correlate some with Book Three Zuko somewhat. I'm thinking especially with the messed up family and wanting to fix things and that strong care for other people. Also since canon Shang sings about all the force of a raging fire, so why couldn't Shang be linked to a badass fire bender (this is what I'll imagine for him in an ATLA au). See me possibly prepping some ATLA aesthetics soon to celebrate og Avatar (idk how to feel about this new show still). Also the awkward side of Zuko? Yeah I think there's that awkward to Shang in there too.

Charles from The Brothers Sun - Laur brought this guy to my attention and once I watched the show I thought yes 10000/10. He is Shang inspo. He's the older sibling, he's responsible, he feels like he has to do everything. His motto is protect the family. He prioritizes this over his own needs and interests. Charles fights and fights even though he has these soft good things he likes, like churros and perfecting a recipe and all that. And Shang too he focuses on his responsibility and his family's needs, his company's needs. He hasn't really let himself dwell on the things he might actually need.

Takashi "Mori" Morinozuka from Ouran High School Host Club - This is going to probably seem like an odd take, but hear me out. He's the more stoic character type in a very chaotic and crazy vibe of a squad. He comes from a family that has lived to serve another family for generations. There's that duty that's ingrained in him and that's something ingrained in Shang. He's serious and Shang is serious, and I think Shang if faced with someone with that sort of bright optimism and softness like Mori with Honey would also be protective and want to defend them with his life.

Zoro from One Piece - you have to have the more straight/serious guy opposite of the goofball like Zoro is to Luffy. It's a similar situation as Mori and Honey to me. He's a swordsman, and Shang canonically uses a sword of course. Swyn Shang is a fencer, but to me it is the right sort of feel. I think if Shang didn't have duties to his family, or responsibilities that he had to hold onto, maybe he would have a dream like Zoro. Being the best fencer in the world or something like it. I think he would probably admire a character like Zoro and want to embody some of him.

Tuxedo Mask - You all know I talked about doing that personality quiz to see what inspo I could find? Most of them were all serious leaders, which fair yeah, people like T'Challa and Mufasa and George Washington in Hamilton and all that. But Tuxedo Mask was also on the list and at first I thought that was pretty funny, but then I thought about it a bit and you know what? Yeah. That's a vibe. That can give me some inspo. It's the protector energy, which is so deeply rooted in my Shang muse. Also the roses? I know it sort of grew from Regency there, but I am thinking Swyn reality Shang also really has a love for roses. And so the rose connection and Tuxedo Mask using them as a weapon is a nice touch. I like that link. It's also doing everything in one's ability to protect the person you love, and Shang would do that for the people he cares deeply about.

Captain America - I used to write a Captain America/Steve Rogers muse. That energy is in there somewhere still I think and it does seep into my strong responsible muses. I think some of that energy was in Arthur, and some is in Shang too. Plus a bit more sass like Steve Rogers has. lol. If Arthur was Captain America, he would have been the fresh out of ice (or out of the grave lol) just wanting to fight for the town and protect everyone as he knows it, then Shang is the Winter Soldier era Cap and on, with some social awareness and interest and settling into himself. Still very responsible and putting that before his mental health, but willing to do some other things. Shang is also willing to do other things, he just won't prioritize them. But he will try dating and things like that which Arthur wouldn't have done. Yeah this turned a little into an Arthur vs. Shang comparison within the inspo but I can't help it. They are similar muses, but also different as I said.

So yeah, those are my character inspo things for Shang right now. Fun journey. Next i'll probably want to do aesthetics. Who knows.

[bit-dodgy-innit]

Trying for Two

Part of my 500 Follower Celebration set in my SHAPE OF YOU AU

The Prompt: You and your husband begin talking about if you’re ready for baby number two. Steven, being the sneaky little shit he is, does everything he can covertly to make sure you conceive so he can get your milk-filled tits back

Requested by: a few lovely fellow heathen nonnies and the wonderful @fangirlfreakingout

Pairing: Steven x afab!reader, with background Marc x afab!reader and Jake x afab!reader, Reader is married to the system

Word Count: 2k (short but horny I promise!)

Spice-o-meter: 🌶🌶🌶, Rated Explicit, Minors DNI!

CW/TW: Talk of pregnancy, breastfeeding, lactation and conceiving, p in v sex, nipple play, lots o’dirty talk, daddy!kink, breeding kink, mention of bondage, unprotected sex, a smidge of unprotected cumplay

A/N: THANK YOU EVERYONE for the amazing response to last full, hope y’all enjoy this fun romp!! Our 🍈🍈 loving daddy!Steven is back in full force in this one, using his big brain and…other things for horny purposes!!

It couldn’t have come at a more unexpected moment. You and Marc had finally wrestled Nyla down for bed and collapsed on the couch with the telly on, watching 8 Out Of 10 Cats of all things. Perhaps something on the quiz show had prompted Marc, inspired him to share with you, but you nearly dropped your wine glass when your husband remarked, seemingly out of nowhere, “It’d be good for Nyla to have a sibling.”

Out of the four of you, Marc had been the hold out on Baby Number Two. Steven had wanted another kid basically as soon as you’d popped Nyla out, and when you mentioned it to Jake about a year ago, he was on board. Understandably, Marc had his reservations. He was so protective of your daughter, and you knew however irrational it may be, Marc was petrified that a similar fate would befall his children as he and Randall. 

It was almost a blessing in disguise that Nyla had been a surprise, since she drastically reduced the potential overthinking about kids. Once you’d discovered a baby was already on the way, both of you knew wanted her without much doubt. 

You schooled your face to appear cavalier and casual, the last thing you wanted to do was spook him. “That’d be nice wouldn’t it?” 

“Yeah,” he agreed. 

“I’ll give Doctor Slater’s office a ring in the morning.” 

Your statement was a test. If Marc walked it back, then you knew he really wasn’t ready. But he didn’t say anything, so you took his lack of protest as confirmation. It was downright strenuous to keep your cool for the rest of the night and quell any urges to rejoice now that Marc had finally caved on another baby. 

It was not a surprise however to wake up next to Steven since he lectured on Wednesday mornings. When your alarm went off and you rolled into his arms, the first thing he whispered to you was “We’re having another baby.”

“We‘re having another baby,” you echoed with a wide grin. 

The two of you shared a chaste kiss, then Steven pulled you closer to him, no doubt for you to feel his morning wood. “What do you say we start trying right away?” 

It was a tempting idea, but it was also a miracle that Nyla hadn’t burst into your bedroom yet. 

“Later baby,” you promised him. “She’ll be up any minute.” 

Steven surrendered with another kiss. He was willing to wait…for now. 

***

This time conceiving was so different than with Nyla. There were cycle tracking apps, appointments with Dr. Slater, and not to mention a two-and-a-half year old to manage in the midst of everything. 

Most experts said the best way to ensure a pregnancy ASAP was to have sex everyday, which of course the boys were thrilled to hear. Even though you had no trouble getting hot for each other still, the difficulty was finding the time and energy. You had been back at work for a while now, and Nyla was non-stop. 

So Steven decided to take things into his own hands to help the process along. He started waking up extra early to jog on the mornings he fronted, since exercise supposedly helped sperm count. He threw out Marc’s beer and Jake’s “secret emergency” pack of cigarettes due to a study he’d read about them compromising one’s virility, royally pissing off his alters in the process. Your husband wouldn’t let you so much as move after sex either, fetching everything you’d desire to keep you still and try to increase conception. 

Disappointment was inevitable when you got your period the first month after you and your husband started trying for Baby Number Two. The last thing Steven wanted to do was put pressure on you, stress was the worst thing for fertility. Besides, he loved you and didn’t want you to feel like you were lacking in any capacity. 

He did however, intensify his covert conception efforts. He read that yams increase one’s chance of fertility and added it to the weekly shop. You were slightly puzzled that Steven was suddenly so keen on having sweet potatoes at least once a week for dinner, but Nyla liked them and your husband always offered to cook when you had them so you weren’t going to complain.

He also learned that morning sex was marginally better for conceiving, so he began waking you up with head so you’d be all pliant and open to sex first thing. Though that was no great effort on his part, his favorite thing to eat was your pussy. 

Obviously, Steven wanted to have another child with you because you were his soulmate, and the vision of two little pairs of feet pattering around your home never failed to choke him up. But there was another, more selfish, more horny reason he was so eager for you to get pregnant again. 

He’d hidden it well until you two had a date night. Nyla was at home with your trusted sitter Sam, and Steven took you to a restaurant on the river you both loved. Despite his steadfast commitment to veganism, your husband insisted on ordering oysters for the two of you (another fertility-friendly food, not to mention an aphrodisiac too). It hadn’t helped that you’d worn a low cut top that perfectly framed two of his very favorite parts of you. 

When you’d gotten home, you wanted to check on Nyla even though Sam had reported she’d fallen asleep a few hours ago without much fuss. Steven undressed in your bedroom while you kissed your daughter in hers, sporting a very prominent hard on by the time you joined him. 

“Mmmm, is that all for me, Doctor Grant?” You purred as you climbed on the bed and reached into his boxer-briefs. 

He answered you with a groan and crashed your lips together. 

“I think I’m feeling the effects of those oysters,” you lilted while you stripped out of your top and jeans. 

A devilish smirk spread across his lips. “Let’s hope so.” 

Steven had tremendous willpower, but all bets were off when he was inside of you and you talked dirty to him. 

“Oh yeah Daddy,” you moaned as he hammered his throbbing cock into your slick cunt. “You gonna fuck a baby into me?” 

“Mmhmm,” he responded, his tongue darting out to wet his lips while he pounded you from above. “Gonna shoot so deep in your pussy.” 

You whimpered, “Make me all big and swollen with your baby.” 

“Fuck…ungh, yeah,” he assented, and you clenched down around him, which short-circuited his brain “Can’t wait to watch you grow so big with Nyla’s little sibling.” 

You dug your fingertips into his biceps. “You’ll have to take good care of me when I do.” 

“Going to take the best care” he vowed. “I’ll rub your feet and shoulders, lick this tight little cunt whenever you want…and-ah-I’ll drink from your titties when they get too full.” 

There it was. Steven was bloody desperate to get your huge, milk-filled boobs back, and in his opinion, they couldn’t return soon enough. Thankfully, you were turned on enough to go with it without asking any questions for the time being. 

“Wanna start as soon as your milk comes in,” Steven revealed, cupping your boobs in his hands, trying to recall the size they’d grown to when you were breastfeeding. “We wasted so much time before.” 

“You can have as much as you like,” you told him, mewling when he licked over a nipple. 

Steven straightened up and hoisted your hips to wrap your legs around his waist, effectively putting you into a version of a bridge yoga pose. The switch in position made him even more frantic as he watched your boobs bounce harder from the force of his thrusts. 

“Good, because Daddy needs his milk,” he rambled. “Need to bury my face between your huge, dripping titties, suck all of your sweet milk down.” 

You keened at the image your husband described as he speared you on his cock, the incline allowing his pubic bone to grind against your clit just right. “Ohhh honey, gonna come.”

He spurred you on. “Yeah? You gonna come for Daddy?” 

“Uh huh!” You shrieked as your climax surged through you, the force of it strong enough to white out your vision for a moment. That didn’t stop you from babbling, “Come on, Daddy, fill me up with your cum…give me that big load.” 

“Bloody hell,” he swore. Steven was so aroused by your back-and-forth he could hardly keep his grip on your hips while he hurdled toward his release. “Want me to pump you full?” 

“Please,” you whined through the haze of your post-orgasmic fog. 

Steven came so hard he was sure that he triggered a switch, since he had no memory of flopping down on the bed next to you. As soon as he came back to himself and waved a thank-you in the mirror toward Jake who presumably laid him down, Steven scrambled upright in bed, fighting off the lethargy that always followed a particularly good orgasm. 

“Don’t. Move.” He whipped back the blankets to make sure none of his cum had leaked out of you. 

Your husband did in fact spotted a little drop trickling from your hole, and swiftly collected it on his finger to push it back in. A little whimper escaped you when Steven did, still sensitive from your climax. “Sorry babe, but we gotta make sure it takes.” 

“We only just started trying,” you countered. 

“True, but we’ve already waited ‘cause of Marc,” he pointed out, rising from the bed to grab both of your pajamas. “We’re also not getting any younger, you know?”

Part of you wanted to slap Steven for making even the faintest reference that you were aging, but it was then you started to put two and two together. “Is that why you wanted to try out bondage last week? Because if you tied me to the bed I wouldn’t move after sex?” 

“No!” he denied while pulling on the old UCL t-shirt and boxers he slept in. 

Your husband was a lot of things: brilliant, nurturing, incredible in bed, but one thing Steven was not was a good liar. 

“Oh my God!” you exclaimed. “The morning runs, the oysters…it’s all to make sure you knock me up!” 

Steven blushed. Come to think of it, his body was in great shape for its age, and most people were having kids later. Doctor Slater didn’t have any concerns on your end either. So when the source of his enthusiasm dawned on you, you couldn't believe you hadn’t reazlied it sooner. 

Unlike your husband, you weren’t in a tremendous rush to get pregnant. “You want my big boobs back as soon as possible!”  

“I…” Steven had no leg to stand on. 

You obscured the breasts in question when you pulled on your nightie. “Steven Grant!” 

“Shh!” The last thing either of you two needed was Nyla waking up. “I’m sorry, alright? And no, I don’t want to conceive as soon as possible only because we’ll get to…you know…revisit everything we enjoyed when Nyla was born. I do truly want another kid.”

It was impossible to stay cross with Steven when he spoke to you like that, his eyes so earnest and vulnerable. “I know, I know. But, you just…you didn’t need to be so sneaky! I’d expect that shit from Jake, but you?”

“I’m cunning too!” he protested. Leave it to him to get defensive about the strangest things.

“You are, but in other ways usually,” you relented, pulling the blankets back up again. Steven followed suit when you settled yourself against the pillows, turning off the lamp on his nightstand. You laid next to him in the dark for all ten seconds before you asked, “do you think it took?”

He shrugged “Dunno, but I can’t remember the last time I came that much.” 

It more thoroughly debauched sex, but soon you, your husband, and Nyla were celebrating the confirmation that Baby Number Two was well on their way. 

Taglist: @twwcs @rmoonstoner , @hot-mess-express1 @murdickdocked @toracainz @saahmi @unspokenmoon @winterbiipp @avatarofseshat @ilikeoldermenhelp, @losers-club6 , @harrys-tittie , @ninebluehearts , @lucianadraven32 , @dawnsutopia , @strawberry1042 @nikitawolfxo @stormkobra-5

A/N: It’s baby number two time!! This one came out quickly and while it’s not exactly the 10k fuckfest my last one was I know it was a popular fill so I hope everyone enjoyed!!

[tapwater-made-everyone-gay]

Summary: When you get sick, the Lee siblings are there to make you feel better

Gn! Reader x Hyuk Lee (romantic)

Gn! Reader x Eun Lee (platonic)

(This is based off of a scenario in the quiz @sleepysloth99 made for Hyuk) This has become a Sweet Home/Hyuk Lee blog at this point..I swear I'll talk about other things soon

My entire family caught Covid (me included) and I feel like shit so have best boy and best girl taking care of you while you're sick!

• Congrats! You nursed Hyuk back to health and he's finally up and around to head back to school

• ...and now you're sick

• When the cold first started you went to Green Home to get some comfort from your boyfriend only to find out he wasn't there

• Eun is though and forces you into Hyuk's bed to get some rest

• Explains that Hyuk is at the store for some groceries, sending him a message to pick up some medicine while he's there

• While he's gone Eun makes you some pretty delicious soup

• Tells you off for not being careful last time you came by

• You're just happy she cares

• You guys hang out for a while, talking about random things (as much as you could talk with a sore throat) before Hyuk arrives home

• Has you take some medicine he bought as Eun gets you some water

• He's happy to hear about how well his sister took care of you while he was gone

• Makes sure you have tissues for a stuffy nose and a bucket when you needed to throw up and couldn't make it to the bathroom

• After you're secure and good to go they decide to watch a movie with you, keeping just enough distance to not get sick themselves

• Do their best to make sure you feel comfortable even if the sickness gets bad

• Overall just a nice experience no matter how miserable you feel

BONUS!

• When you thought you three were done with the cold going around it went to the last member left, Eun

• Luckily she had the least intense variation of it

• Still had her almost bed ridden though

• During the one time she threw up Hyuk held her hair and rubbed her back while you got some water and crackers

• Got over it fairly quickly with the help of some medicine, water, and rest

• It was also one of the few times you've ever seen Hyuk visibly worried

• Eun doesn't get sick often so when she does he gets nervous

• Tried his best to hide it when Eun was awake

• Once everyone was clear of the sickness things went back to a normal routine

[lab-trash]

Okay. But remember: you asked for this.

1- Marcus getting closer to Oliver in order to seem more normal. Like, it'd be a little weird if his only friends were these siblings right? (Especially if Leo thinks that's the case so they decide to branch out. But yknow, not too much. Someone they can still fish information from, and Oliver is the best friend of Chase’s boyfriend close friend.)

2- Oliver agreeing with Leo when he claims he's not a good person. Kaz is conflicted on it, since Chase likes him, but Leo doesn't. (Bonus points if at one point Kaz completely agrees with Leo because he's jealous about how much time they've been spending together, especially if Marcus really is trying to drive a wedge between them. After all, Kaz would care so much if they went missing, and he can't have that.)

3- Oliver trying to get closer to Marcus to prove their point, since Marcus already doesn't like/trust Leo. And Oliver... well, he likes Marcus more than he expected to. Maybe they end up staying up late calling, or stay past closing at The Domain, if that's in Mission Creek, or Oliver is late for his shift.

4- Marcus also likes Oliver more than he expected to. Drat. (Marcus didn't even know he could feel anything other than the programmed hatred for the Davenports)

5- I want them to kiss at least once. I don't care when, I don't care why, I don't care who initiates it, although the way I imagine it, it's either Oliver doing it on accident when he leaves in a rush and/or Marcus doing it as a goodbye because he knows that once he completes his mission, he's probably not going to school again.

6- Ooh, maybe Oliver writes about Marcus in his dream journal/feelings journal/kaz-stop-reading-my-journal journal and Kaz finds it.

7- Oliver being convinced he's only infatuated with Marcus because he 'thinks he might be a villain.'

8- Kaz having to jam it into Oliver's brain that A) Maybe he's not as straight as he thought he was and 2) He probably likes Marcus. Oliver doesn't believe this until Marcus is gone, and even then he doesn't talk about it because his dumbass is still in denial.

Other fun ideas to maybe perhaps include. - Marcus teaching Oliver guitar (I mean, Oliver does know guitar in Elite Force) - Marcus inviting Oliver to get fro-yo - Marcus talking to Douglas about him. Like, every time he needs to report about the sibs, he gets sidetracked. - Douglas is so annoyed about how well he designed this stupid android. - Bridget doesn't approve of Marcus. 'He dresses like a drifter,' 'Only the uneducated play electric guitar, Oliver,' 'Does he even have a home?' - Kaz teasing Oliver about Marcus, even when Oliver insists he's straight. Revenge for when Oliver claims Kaz simps for Chase (not that he doesn't, but y'know) - Oliver taking Marcus out for pizza. I don't know why I want it, but I do. (That's a lie, it's because Marcus get's all sad when he thinks he'll lose pizza night. That scene was baby.) - Leo doing that ladies magazine quiz with Marcus and Marcus thinking of taking Oliver out. We love that for him. - Marcus asking the band if he can invite Oliver, and Adam forgetting who that is. You can include him or not include him, I'm not partial to either, I don't think. - Marcus providing Oliver with hand sanitiser when he doesn't have any. It's one of those simple acts that show you know someone. - Oliver giving Marcus flowers after hearing his grandmother died. - Oliver buying a new guitar for Marcus after finding out his other one was busted, even though he knows Marcus did it himself. - I'll probably add more ngl. You could probably fill a completely separate book just for Marliver pov stuff with all my ideas for them.

being sucked into the marliver agenda through a 7eleven slurpee straw

[sou-ver-2-0]

Hi, do you have any fun theories about everyone's doll placements in Safalin's Lab? :D (I think Shin, Kanna, Sara, Keiji and Megumi's placements kind of make sense, given their canon relationships. But why is Gin standing where he is? Such a mysterious boy. And I'm not sure what's up with Mishima, Q-Taro and Kurumada?)

This is a fun question. I’m sorry it took me so long to look at it! I do love this image of all the dolls in Safalin’s lab a lot.

Sara, Kanna, and Shin are definitely the stars of the show for me. They’re placed in a way where Sara and Shin seem to be competing over Kanna. It’s brilliant foreshadowing for the upcoming Main Game, where Kanna will be torn between both sibling-figures. And Sara and Shin will make choices that ultimately decide Kanna’s fate. I love this depiction of Sara and Shin’s relationship—they’re rivals meeting each other’s eyes, but they could become either enemies fighting over Kanna, or allies who will join forces to protect her. It’s so tense! Kanna’s life hangs in the balance!

I wrote about all the other dolls beneath the cut.

I like Sara and Keiji too. Back to back. Allies who stick together and take center stage, but they aren’t looking at each other… It shows the emotional distance between them, even as they’re physically close. Now that I’m thinking about it, we’ve never had a CG where Sara and Keiji are meeting each other’s eyes! Sara sleeps on his shoulder; Keiji watches her hug her friends; Keiji holds her shoulders from behind; Keiji holds her in a steamy room while she’s closing her eyes… Just a funny observation. Sara has met Shin, Sue Miley, Tia Safalin, and even Hiyori’s eyes in CGs, but her strongest ally Keiji is the most mysterious of them all.

Keiji and Megumi’s relationship is also shown really well. Megumi is this shadowy figure in the distance who still occupies Keiji’s mind. He’s more physically distant from Megumi than Sara, but she hasn’t left his thoughts. Putting aside the question of placement for a minute—the fact that Megumi has a doll is pretty cool. I love the theory that we could talk to a Megumi doll in 3-2. Since Keiji was largely absent in 3-1, throwing a Megumi doll at him now would be one fun way to force him to confront his past.

The most obvious reason to include Gin here is because Gin is present in Sara’s party when she explores the room. It leads to some good, funny dialogue where Gin laments that their kidnappers aren’t respecting their rights.

GIN: Making a doll of me without permission is infringing on my likeness, meow! / … / Not like our rights are being respected anyway, woof…

(I’ve actually wondered about this line a lot, since it’s one of the only times Nankidai brings up the “legality” of the Death Game. Midori seems to take “legality” seriously since he has everyone sign contracts, but Gin pokes fun at that concept here. Were those contracts really necessary? Did Asu-Naro send Midori on a useless mission? Why would they do that? I wonder.)

I like that the Gin doll is right next to the path. Keiji and Gin, Sara’s allies, both show the path to her.

I also like how the “Safalin Lab doll placements” maintains these important alliances shown in the recap. Gin is still standing next to Sara and Keiji. And there’s still distance between Shin and Sara.

Just like it makes sense to include Gin, it also makes sense to not include Nao. During the Second Main Game, Sara will solve “Gashu’s shoddy quiz” by rationalizing that non-candidates such as Nao do not have AI. So including a Nao doll here would make solving Gashu’s quiz more difficult!

(I’m personally of the opinion that Nao does have an AI, just like Joe did, so that Asu-Naro could include her in simulation test runs. And that this is what Shin means when he says that there was “one thing wrong in her [Sara’s] reasoning” before showing the Joe AI to her. However, Sara wouldn’t be allowed to suspect that Nao has an AI even if she has one, because Gashu’s quiz had to be a solvable riddle, and Nao’s absence from the line-up was a vital clue.)

Moving on to the less obvious relationships—Shin and Q-Taro sure make funny bedfellows. But these three did technically have an alliance.

Shin and Q-Taro face away from each other in Safalin’s Lab, perhaps alluding to how this alliance will be short-lived! Haha

I also really like how we can see a faint outline of Mai in the background, alluding to her future relationship to Q-Taro… And she’s ominously facing his back, oh no!

Why include Naomichi and Anzu? My best guess is that Nankidai wanted to include some dummies in this scene to foreshadow meeting them in chapter 3. One good reason to include these two in particular is because the player may not have purchased their victim videos. The player will view Mai, Hayasaka, and Ranmaru’s victim videos as part of the plot, but they could easily miss the other videos. And Nankidai couldn’t show the Hinako doll, because we meet Hinako’s imposter instead; he needs to maintain that mystery of what Hinako really looks like!

I like that Mishima is included on the far side because it fits a pattern in which Nankidai keeps coming back to this guy. The Mishima AI has returned several times now in the plot. Nankidai won’t let us forget about the first person we see die. I have to believe that these continued Mishima references are all leading up to some big reveal about Mishima’s head in 3-2, but I don’t know what that could be.

Finally… I can’t think of a special reason to include Alice besides that he’s a candidate. Like I said before, including a doll of a non-candidate like Nao, Kai, Kugie, or Joe could potentially make solving “Gashu’s quiz” harder. In that case… of the main cast, only Alice and Reko are left. So Nankidai picked Alice. Maybe Nankidai guessed that the player would be more likely to have Reko still alive?

The three final dolls are mysterious to me. Their silhouettes aren’t as obvious to me as Mai, who has a curvy figure. The man with the swoopy hair next to Shin is most likely Hayasaka, but they don’t have an obvious connection beyond “hating Sara Chidouin,” haha. The figure next to Sara also looks masculine; the only person left he could be is Ranmaru. It would make sense to put him next to his future partner, Sara. The figure next to Keiji could possibly be Hinako, Keiji’s own future “partner.” I don’t know if she would look like the real Hinako, or Hinako’s imposter, in this case.

Aaaand that’s my best reading for the dolls in Safalin’s Lab! Thanks again for asking your question. This was a fun diversion. <3

[etherealluminescence]

GN!MC forcing conquering the demons into Pacts

Quick tags for those some people who reblogged my other post pt 1, I know I have a lot more but these are the only ones with comments on the post. @chalcedear @undertaker-02 @the-mexican-writer @mammonkinnie

Lucifer

You had spent countless hours against Lucifer, trying to fight him and force him into a pact. No matter what you did, it seemed like you failed.

It took you a long time to realize, but you had to train to beat Lucifer. And that you did. You knew how terrifying his power was as all the demons told you, so for a week straight you intensely trained until you were ready.

Lucifer was already on edge noticing you didn’t try anything, but he knew you wouldn’t give up, which was when you decided to strike.

He easily dodged your initial flying kick when he entered the room, but you grabbed onto the door and swung back around, kicking the tip of his head before he backed off.

He was now ready to dodge, believing that tour strategy was only to catch him off guard, but he was wrong.

When you landed, you dug your foot into the ground and threw yourself at him, but as he moved to the right, you used the shelf behind him to catch yourself and kick off it and nailed a kick straight to his head.

It was now or never as you began throwing heavy punches, trying to get him into a chokehold while he was prying you off, struggling a little as you bit onto his fingers or wings. You even bit onto his horn to stabilize yourself and kept punching.

By the end of it, you had quite a few bruises from his harsh grip, but he had a black eye and his feathers were all over the floor, you’ve won.

He probably could of killed you, but he didn’t want that, so he accepted his loss, glaring at you when you dug your heel into his stomach as Satan clapped and Belphie got out a trophy to hand you.

His pact was now your’s and you were going to flaunt it. He’s alright with the fact it was you who forced him into a pact, but it majorly hurt his ego that you were superior to him.

Mammon

You had recently arrived in the devildom half an hour ago and did not feel welcomed, in the slightest.

You tried to be nice to your guide, but he brushed you off and left you with Levi, or he intended to.

Levi gasped as he watched you tackle Mammon who tried to run off, and elbow him in the jaw. When he fell to the ground you kicked the life out of him muttering out “I tried to be nice to you fucker, if one of us is killed today it’s you.”

Levi was obviously bewildered, but took the chance to tell you to make a pact with him, his biggest mistake in his lifetime, all the poor demons in the future.

Mammon was crying a little as you forced him into a pact, and pulled him up with one hand, making him face Levi himself.

Mammon is 100% nicer to you because you’re scarier than Lucifer, and also because you genuinely treat him with respect now that he’s nice to you, something he’s not used to. Super happy to be the first ever demon you’ve conquered.

Leviathan

You had decided to do things the non violent way and participate in the TSL quiz, until Levi turned into his demon form and tried to kill you.

Taking up his challenge, you fearlessly walked towards him as Mammon was trying to tell you no, and you caught his punch.

It pushed you back a little bit, but you caught it and twisted his arm, and proceeded to beat him up in a one sided battle.

It’s not that he was weak, or others were helping you, but you genuinely managed to fight back and beat him so hard that it looked like his entire left arm was broken.

Lucifer was kinda pissed you broke his brother ngl;; but Diavolo is like it’s self defense?? And Lucifer is just like what human fights a demon across the room in self defense.

When Levi is begging for mercy he is reminded of what happened to Mammon and the rumors, accepting defeat, you make a pact mark with him, he’s kinda pissed though, like highkey.

He thinks that you probably think of him as a trophy or something to collect, based off the rumors. You probably don’t want to have a pact mark with an otaku, you just want to show off your strength.

He soon changes his attitude towards you when you show interest in him. You’re just genuinely a nice person and a caring older sibling figure, but will fight for the sake of peace and safety.

Now he’s just jealous that you spend more time with Luke than anyone else.

Satan

He offered you a pact mark easily because he wanted to piss off Lucifer, especially when you tried to give him a black eye from the pillow fight.

Very angry and disappointed when you said no, but then surprised when you said you’d beat the shit out of him instead, fair and square.

He knew you fought well, but are you sure you want to fight the embodiment of wrath himself? And you’re just like yep, the small tiny you, so confident.

He didn’t take it too seriously despite seeing the actual proof multiple times, and he watched you used his messy room to your advantage, even using the bookshelves to help you get air.

His ass was easily kicked even when he was serious. “You know, after facing both Levi and Beel, you aren’t much of a challenge.” You casually said as you formed a pact mark with him.

Slightly irked by the comment but delighted to be apart of your fan club, probably yells “BEAT THEIR ASS!” On the sidelines.

Pisses Lucifer off whenever you two fight and Lucifer gets an injury from you, and asks if Lucifer ever wants ice, just to be a dick.

Diavolo and Satan are in the fan club which PISSES Lucifer off when the two are in front of him discussing how you will one day (undoubtedly) beat Diavolo.

Asmodeous

You made a pact with Asmo after accidentally beating him up, he was begging for mercy and you kind of felt bad.

You insisted it wasn’t on purpose and he kind of avoids you for awhile after the pact mark. He’s glad Solomon isn’t like you, otherwise the devildom would cease to exist.

He’s eventually fine with you, and loves to take photos of you and Luke together acting like siblings because it’s the cutest thing. Although demons are scared of you they do kinda admire you, and seeing you soft with Luke is good for his devilgram.

Soon treats you like a friend instead of a monster that just so happened to kick his ass and make him beg.

You’re so tiny that it’s kinda cute and he nearly forgets someone like you is violent and scary so when he took you shopping and someone shoplifted, he was concerned for your nails after you disfigured them.

Will 10/10 treat your tense muscles and let you soak in his tub.

Beelzebub

He’s seen you fight before but damn he couldn’t believe it. You’re just so smol?? Couldn’t he crush you?

Lesson learned as he was knocked out after he broke your room. You didn’t want to hurt Besl since he was always courteous with you, so you knocked him out quickly.

He doesn’t remember more than you launching at him and the feel of his wings being tugged and his neck suddenly throbbing.

Mammon who watched beg for Beel’s life on his knees, asking you to spare him. You just nodded and waited for Beel to wake up before making a pact.

When he makes one, you give him some custard you asked Mammon to go out and buy really quick, you said please, and Beel is just so happy!!

He tried to kill you and he feels so bad but you’re just so kind!! Wants to protect you so bad but knows you’re just so badass so he instead helps you care for Luke.

Belphegor

You’d definitely be lying if you said you didn’t see it coming. His brothers had already tried to kill you, he was locked in an attic, and not to mention he gave you a weird vibe, you would of left him alone if you weren’t a nice person.

He tells you thank you for freedom and transforms, ready to kill you. No one got in his way and instead said “good luck Belphie” or “Nice knowing you” so he thought they wanted you dead.

Then he hears Beel say “I don’t want you to die, Belphie” and he is so confused? As he aimed his attack and you just end up punching him square in the face.

Afterwards, you kicked him in the stomach and grabbed his tail, swinging him into a wall, and knocking him over and over and over.

He is out cold, so when he wakes up and sees everyone congratulating him on surviving, he puts two and two together.

You were sitting on top of him and demanding a pact mark, and he unwillingly gives it to you after you nearly rip out his horn.

Pissed off and scared of you, slightly, but more impressed by the fact that even Lucifer struggles with you. When he finds out about the sheer amount of pact marks you have he’s starting to wonder when humans got so strong? And it became an endless spiral of him being pissed off.

Don’t worry though!! He eventually gets used to you.

Diavolo

Super happy it was finally his turn!! Like you did it, congrats, wants it you’d like some tea and what kind of attire to wear for his asskicking.

Is absolutely not looking down on you, he genuinely believes you’re strong. Because of that, he’s just so excited to face you. You beat both Lucifer and Barbatos, the majority of RAD, and you’re such a cool person!!

When you approach him you looked so badass. “Aye, prince of kiss my ass, I’m here to claim you once and for all and become the new ruler of this place.” You yelled out as you kicked down the door to his office.

The first time you two fought, he won. You had a lot of bruises, but managed to rip out some of his hair, at least. He finds it admirable how you still kept going despite him clearly hearing a rib break.

SUPER excited to tell Satan about it!! Hopes Barbatos recorded the fight so he could broadcast it at RAD during an announcement or something, but Barbatos rejected that idea.

Poor Diavolo only wanted to be included in this ass beating trend, but super happy when you return three days later and try to beat him up again, you even changed up the way you fight!!

You won’t ever know this, but one day he purposely changed his office’s layout to benefit your fighting style more, so when you finally beat him he was so ecstatic, his lips were bleeding but he was laughing, congratulating you and couldn’t wait to give you a pact.

Oh boy was he SO happy when you flaunted it, and sat in his desk chair with a hand on your chin, giving an order to Barbatos who recorded it, acting as if you really were the ruler of the devildom.

“Could you get some bandages for your former ruler, please?” You asked, feeling accomplished that Luke was officially safe during his stay in the devildom, and Diavolo was just swooning.

The public is 10/10 avoiding you because they are SCARED for their life. The people are convinced you’re like a nuclear weapon against demons.

Barbatos

He knew one day you’d defeat Lucifer, but it was so quick. You only needed a week of prep time?

Steps up his game a bit, because after two weeks of training you approach him ready to fight, and he can sense you’re not the same.

As he uses his tail to put you out of the room, he automatically feels your sharp teeth digging into his tail. He can withstand it no problem, until you literally rip a bit of his tail chunk out.

You didn’t let go even as he flung you off his tail, and you even dug your nails in. He showed no expression, but it was genuinely painful as you climbed his tail onto him, his tail no longer as useful because he was very sure you would rip through it.

His fighting against you one on one went well for him, he could see and easily predict your moves easily, until you head butted him and began every trick in the book.

From kicking, punching, biting, scratching, you name it, you did it. He was finally at your mercy when you were cover in both your own and his blood, while he was sure his tail was missing some pieces, and you were absolutely not letting go.

He’s 100% convinced you’ve gone feral in a span of three weeks, but that’s okay. The only thing stopping you from fighting the prince was now defeated, and he apologised to Diavolo frequently, who was only super excited in return.

Don’t worry you apologised for his tail and helped him with his job for awhile, totally not to also study Diavolo in his natural habitat.

First time you’ve ever seen him smile so soft was when he got his ass kicked so hard by you that his tail went chomp chomp.

Luke

Surprised pikachu face.

He understands you beating up Mammon,, and maybe some lesser demons,, but did you REALLY defeat Lucifer, Barbatos, and Diavolo.

Surprised pikachu face as you shrug and say “yeah I guess. I’m the ruler now, do you feel safe yet?”

Lucifer yells out you’re not the ruler just because you formed a pact with Diavolo, but you ignored him and smile at Luke, patting his head.

Luke is just nodding like “I’m safe!!!” While in his head he’s like WOW whaT PLEASE EXPLAIN.

Luke constantly calls you his older sibling now, tells daddy Simeon ALL about it, and brags about you to the demons who even look at him.

Praise this precious baby as he makes you all the sweets in the world. You’ve literally defeated demons of all sorts, even the most powerful, and all you want is to see him smile.

Will probably cry.

[forzalando]

royally screwed | fw | pt. two

pairing: prince!fred x princess!reader word count: 2.4k warnings: cursing, mentions of meals/food, arranged marriage, enemies to lovers a/n: hello friends! happy valentine’s day!!💛the long awaited part two is here and i hope you all enjoy!😊bonus points if you catch the subtle hp references in this chapter hahaha thank you to @spacexcowgirl​ for beta reading, i love you dearly!! you can read part one here

summary: Prince Frederick Weasley of Burrow was a twin, but unfortunately, at least in his mind, he was born the eldest twin, meaning it was his duty to inherit the kingdom. Since the young age of ten, Fred knew that he was to marry Princess Y/N Y/L/N of Diagon, and over the years they’ve both come to dread the day. With the eve of their wedding closely approaching, their disdain for each other begins to worry their respective families. However, there is a very fine line between love and hate.

Y/N awoke the next morning and immediately recounted the previous day’s events; she could feel the puffiness in her face and eyes from the tears shed after her Mother left her room. She had hoped that their conversation would go differently, but it was done and there was nothing left she could say regarding the matter.

A sharp knock on Y/N’s chamber door had her jumping up and crossing the room faster than her feet would carry her. She stumbled a bit, almost crashing into the door before pulling it open, only to see the most peculiar sight.

Frederick Weasley, with his siblings stood behind him, although George was standing rather close so that he could pinch his brother’s ear.

“Well,” Ginny goaded, “go on then, you arse.”

Fred turned swiftly to shoot his sister a glare, but George’s grip on his ear had him wincing in pain.

“You better get going or I swear I’ll rip it off,” George grumbled, struggling to hide the jesting smile creeping on his face.

“Fine, fine,” Fred huffed. “Princess Y/N, I would like to apologize for my behavior last night. It was entirely unacceptable and I hope that you can find it in your impossibly sma-”

Ginny quickly stomped on Fred’s foot, interrupting what Y/N was sure would be an insult.

“Pardon me, your impossibly large heart, to forgive me. I was also wondering if you would care to join me for breakfast in the drawing room.”

George promptly let go of Fred’s ear, but not without one final yank, and the entire clan of Weasley siblings looked at Y/N expectantly, awaiting her answer with fervor.

“You must be absolutely mad, Frederick Weasley,” she scoffed, folding her arms across her chest in defiance. “After your attitude last night, which you had for no reason, I might add, and you come knocking on my door to ask if I want to have breakfast with you? I don’t want to see your face unless I have to!”

“I’m trying, Y/N! You said that the least I could was try, so here I am, offering to spend time with you when I’d rather lick the floor in the foyer.”

“Well, then, feel free to go scrub the floors with your tongue because I will not join you for a meal today or any other day!”

Fred stalked away with no objections from his siblings, who were all laughing at Y/N’s quip. She had a satisfied smile on her face as well, but it quickly fell when she averted her gaze to the three other Weasley siblings.

“Now what exactly did you think that was going to accomplish?” Y/N spoke with a, mostly, playful glare to the three standing before her.

“Honestly, we were hoping a bit that you wouldn’t answer the door. Mum made us drag him down here,” George answered with a shrug of his shoulders.

“But, now that we are here,” Ginny said excitedly, “will you have breakfast with us?”

Y/N smiled softly; she could never say no to spending time with her only friends.

“Let me get dressed and I’ll meet you…where should I meet you?”

“The drawing room…” Ron mumbled, hoping Y/N wouldn’t recall that Fred wanted to take his breakfast there as well.

“You three are insufferable,” Y/N laughed, “however, I’ll be there in ten. Hopefully he will be gone by then.”

Y/N gently shut her door and quickly threw on a dress and her day slippers; her mother would absolutely have a fit if she saw the disheveled state she was in, but Y/N simply couldn’t care.

After a quick glance in the mirror, Y/N hurried through the castle corridors that she had come to know so well and made it to the drawing room in record time. To her delight, Frederick was nowhere to be seen.

“Good Morning, dear,” Queen Molly said warmly from her seat. “Have you by chance seen Fred this morning?”

Y/N heard the quiet snickering of Ron and George and then a hushed “shut it” that could only have come from Ginny.

“Oh, yes, Queen Molly, he stopped by my chambers to apologize. Very out of character for him, I wonder if someone slipped something into his morning tea.”

Molly Weasley hummed lightly, taking the slightly sarcastic tone of Y/N’s voice to mean that things hadn’t gone as she directed.

“That’s lovely, dear, maybe you’ll actually have a civil conversation in the gardens.”

Y/N set down her tea slowly, trying not to act shocked because she had no knowledge of a walk in the gardens.

“The gardens? I didn’t know anything about the gardens,” Y/N mused inquisitively.

“That’s where Fred is right now, I told him you’d be along in a few minutes. He even looked a bit excited,” Molly teased.

Y/N snorted inelegantly and immediately covered it with a cough; she rose from the table and looked pleadingly at George, hoping he could come up with some form of an excuse that would save her from time spent with Frederick, but George refused to look at her and continued eating his breakfast unbothered.

“I’ll go meet him now, Queen Molly. I’m sure he’s awfully busy so we can make this short,” Y/N said with a smile.

“Fred is free all day, I cleared his schedule, dear.”

“Brilliant,” she grimaced.

With a half-hearted wave, she left the drawing room and begrudgingly walked towards the gardens, smiling politely at each person she passed. Even if her future husband did not care for her, Y/N took comfort in knowing that his family and the people in the castle did; she hoped it would make the rest of her life tolerable.

All too soon, Y/N felt the sunshine on her face as she stepped into the magnificent palace gardens. She could spot Prince Frederick’s fiery hair a mile away; he was standing near the rose bushes twirling a yellow one between his long fingers.

The rustling of the grass between Y/N’s feet caused Fred to turn around to find the source of the noise.

He stalled a bit; even though he despised the Princess of Diagon, he could never deny that she was breathtakingly beautiful. Her hair was unkempt, a soft pink, cotton gown swished around her legs as she stalked toward him, and her face was set in a scowl but even the worst grimace could not distract from her captivating eyes.

It was entirely infuriating, and it made Fred want to hate her even more, but some intrinsic force wouldn’t allow him.

“What are you staring at?” Y/N asked, her eyebrow raising.

“Nothing,” Fred replied with a shake of his head. “I’m just thinking of all the ways I’d rather spend my morning.”

“Well, it seemed like you were staring at me. Do it again and I’ll push you into the rose bushes, I don’t care if you are the future King.”

Fred turned his head and tried not to crack a smile, but failed miserably as the corner of his mouth quirked up involuntarily.

“Let’s get this over with, Y/N, can your stubby legs keep up?”

“It’s not my fault you shot up like a bloody bean pole; you went from stumpy to looking like someone sewed tree limbs together and animated them.”

“Most women like tall men.”

“I like tall men, Frederick, I just don’t like you.”

A stunned silence fell over the two royals, only the sounds of the rustling leaves and nearby animals could be heard.

“I suppose that’s why you like Prince Cedric, then?”

“Beg your pardon?” Y/N’s eyes widened, confused at the sudden interrogation.

“Your conversation with your Mother last night, how you begged her to marry him instead. Or my brother. Or that horrid Malfoy.”

“You had no right – that was a private conversation. How dare you eavesdrop on my personal business? Every time I think you have a shred of decency you prove me wrong, Frederick Weasley.”

Fred stepped in front of the Princess, blocking her path and preventing her from walking on.

“Prove you wrong? I had come to your room to apologize when I heard you plotting with your Mother to run off with someone else and disrespect my family.”

“I would never disrespect your family. They’ve never been anything but good and kind to me, the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt them. I haven’t the slightest idea how you’re related to any of them.”

“Oh, I know, you have them all wrapped around your little finger,” Fred scoffed.

“I’m not going to stand here and fight with you, Frederick, I don’t have the energy. Can we please just keep moving and we can tell your Mother we had a wonderful time and learned so much about each other.”

Y/N stepped around Fred, lightly grabbing his wrist to pull him along through the endless rows of flowers.

“She’ll probably quiz us and you don’t even know my favorite color,” Fred griped.

“It’s purple, I think,” Y/N blurted. “I overheard you telling your Mum years ago that you wanted purple frosting on some dessert. I figured that meant it was your favorite.”

“And you remembered?”

“There aren’t a lot of things I forget about the people in my life, Frederick. If it’s important to you, I’ll remember.”

“But you don’t care about me, why did you even bother?”

Y/N sighed and shook her head before turning to look at Fred, shielding her eyes from the sun.

“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t hate you. I don’t particularly like you, maybe in a different life we’d actually be friends, but I don’t hate you. I don’t hate anyone.”

Fred realized this was the longest they’d gone without arguing in years, and it was barely one tenth of a conversation. He turned his head slightly to watch Y/N, taking in the way she gazed lovingly at the surrounding flora, and noticed her eyes linger a bit longer every so often.

“Yellow,” Fred mumbled.

“What was that?” Y/N asked.

“You look longer at the yellow flowers. Yellow is your favorite color.”

Y/N smiled softly, the same smile she’d given Fred when she had arrived the day before but it was infinitely more sincere.

“If you were like this all the time, you wouldn’t be so bad Frederick.”

“Who says I’m not?”

Y/N rolled her eyes and this time Fred could not contain himself; he laughed loudly, and the sound triggered a fluttering of sorts in the Princess’s chest. They continued their walk, chattering idly and the Prince even picked a blooming yellow rose and delicately handed it to his Princess.

“I really did want to apologize last night, you know,” Fred assured. “I didn’t have any reason to be so rude when you arrived, I guess it was just…habit. We have a way of getting under each other’s skin.”

“Apology accepted, for your rudeness yesterday, of course. But, you owe me another.”

“Another?”

“Yes, for eavesdropping on me and my Mother.”

“That conversation involved me, I hardly think it’s one I shouldn’t be aware of if you’re trying to finagle your way out of our betrothal.”

“It may involve you, but it was a private conversation.”

“That involved me.”

“My God, I’ve said it before but truly every time I think you can redeem yourself, you do or say something completely asinine. Do you have any manners?”

“You were talking about me, I felt I had a right to listen!”

Y/N groaned loudly in annoyance, drawing the attention of the nearby guards.

“I don’t even believe you wanted to apologize, you had the chance this morning and just insulted me like you always do! Every decent part of you is nothing but an act!”

“You don’t even know me,” Fred seethed.

“No, I don’t, but it’s because you won’t let me!”

“You’ve never even tried, don’t attempt to play me for a fool, Y/N.”

“Well, I’m trying now. I’m trying now and still all we can do is fight.”

The two stood toe to toe, breathing heavily and staring into each other’s eyes. After a few moments, Y/N looked away and sighed deeply. It sounded almost dejected, Fred realized, rather than the anger he had expected.

“Go ahead of me back to the castle, please, I’d like to actually enjoy the rest of the walk.”

“I don’t have to take orders from – ”

“You’ll do as I say, Frederick Weasley,” Y/N snapped.

Fred wanted to argue; God, did he want to argue with her until he was blue in the face, but something about the tone of her voice frightened him a bit. So, he scoffed and stalked back to the castle, swinging his fists by his sides and gritting his teeth.

He passed by his twin, giving George a half-hearted wave before entering the castle. It wasn’t hard to sense the tone of what had transpired, and George shook his head and took off running towards the gardens to find Y/N.

“Oi! What did he do this time?” George shouted as he slowed to a stop in front of Y/N.

“Just the usual. Acting like a pompous prick that can do no wrong. He was nice for two minutes and then refused to apologize for eavesdropping last night on a conversation between me and my Mother!”

George rolled his eyes and raked a hand down his face, massaging his temples in preparation for the headache that his brother always managed to give him.

“Y/N, you know he’s not malicious, he’s just an idiot sometimes,” George offered.

“I appreciate you defending him but at the moment it’s going in one ear and out the other, Georgie.”

He laughed and slung an arm around the Princess’s shoulders, joining her on the remainder of her walk through the gardens. He noticed Y/N twirling a yellow rose around and every so often lifting it to inhale its sweet scent.

“Stealing flowers from our gardens, eh?” George jested, bumping his hip into Y/N.

“Frederick picked it for me, actually,” she mumbled.

“Well, that’s sweet. You two can get along, is what I’m seeing and hearing.”

“It was a momentary lapse of judgment,” Y/N sighed, before throwing the perfect rose to the ground and ensuring her slipper crushed the delicate petals.

When they were good and flattened into the Earth, she swore she felt an ache in her chest.

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[pokemoncreepypasta]

HM Slave

[STORY SOURCE]

The Generation I games. Definitely not perfect games by any means, but they were fun to play.

It's a shame my old cartridge’s battery has been long since dead. Makes sense, it was a hand-me-down from an older sibling of mine. Between both of our times playing it, it was bound to die sometime.

I was feeling nostalgic and wanted to play it again after so many years...

The trouble was, I had no intention of learning how to replace the battery, or buying a new cartridge. None of that appealed to me.

So, I just took it upon myself to play it without saving. Any time I wanted to stop, I’d just plug it into my charger, and leave it be.

Everything about this run was just for nostalgia. It was nothing personal to me, so I didn't name Red after myself or something.

I wanted to play through this game without getting attached to anything.

The best way to go through without caring? A starter-only run. I chose Charmander, since it was the cover ‘mon, and also my favorite of the three. Not necessarily because it would make the game easier in the long run.

Of course, there’s no way I’d be able to get through with just Charmander.

My plan was to catch a Pokémon specifically to use as an HM slave, so my Charizard wouldn’t be clogged up by useless moves in the long run.

And what better HM slave than the one who can learn them all, right?

In Generation I, you can’t delete moves in any way, so an HM slave was absolutely necessary.

Not like I hated Mew or anything... I just never performed the Mew glitch as a kid and thought that this would be a fun opportunity to try it.

The darned thing did everything within its power to not get caught, blowing through every single one of my PokéBalls that I’d prepared to catch it with. Hey, it wasn’t like I was going to need them later, so I didn’t complain.

I decided to nickname the little thing. I’d heard the term “HM mule” thrown around in place of HM slave, so I thought it would be funny.

Of course, picking the Fire type had its rocky start, with its disadvantage against the first two gym leaders.

I managed to scrape by with scummy tactics, though.

I’d switched to my Abra that I’d caught to perform the Mew glitch, and let Misty knock it out.

After that, I switched to Mewl for the free turn, and then healed my Charmeleon. Then, after Mewl fainted, I got a free switch into Charmeleon.

When the battle was over, I could proudly claim the Cascade Badge.

This was Mewl’s secondary purpose, to be switch fodder for me to heal my starter.

Things were going fine until Mewl learned Cut.

The first instance where Mewl’s “skills” would come into play.

This was a game where you couldn’t use HMs from the overworld, so I went to the menu to manually select it.

“MEWL ignored orders...”

Now, imagine my surprise when my slave wouldn’t listen to orders. I tried a few more times, with the same result.

I attempted to rationalize it, picking my brain for a reason. I assumed that you could not use HM moves while a Pokémon was fainted, but something about that didn’t seem right.

I healed at the Pokémon Center to be safe though.

That seemed to work, so I assumed that I was right and continued to Surge.

Nothing really unusual happened during the fight, but Mewl was knocked out again for a free heal.

On my way out, I had to cut down the tree blocking Surge’s gym again. I was worried for a moment that I had gotten myself stuck, but Mewl cut it down just fine.

I figured the game would let me use HM moves if I would be trapped otherwise.

I went back to the center to heal up my starter, and my stubborn little mule.

(And Abra too, I guess.)

I caught and released a few throwaway Pokémon to obtain Flash, which I immediately taught to Mewl.

I made my way to Rock Tunnel.

”MEWL won’t obey!”

I was frustratingly met with this. It was fully healed, I couldn't understand why it was disobeying. I wondered if it was some sort of consequence from having an illegitimate Mew...

I kept trying and trying, but no matter what, it wouldn’t light the cave.

I was sure this little bugger didn’t want to wander around in the dark just as much as me, so I really couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

I tried checking its summary, to which its blank, neutral expression had changed to something more... defiant?

I didn't know what kind of sick joke Morimoto was pulling on me by programming Mew to be this way, but I wasn’t having any of it.

It dawned on me that Abra could also learn Flash, so I just let Mewl be prissy and lit up the cave with Abra.

I somewhat regretted my choice to teach Mewl Flash. If I had known it was going to act like this, I would have just taught it Fly instead…

I decided to go ahead and skip getting Fly, since Charizard couldn't learn it anyway.

Thankfully, I made it out of Rock Tunnel just fine.

Charizard made Erika’s gym a total joke, so I didn’t even need Mewl as fodder for this fight.

The whole game was going fine so far up to Fuchsia City, and I had completely forgotten about Mewl’s disobedience by now.

I had obtained its final two moves, so I booted the HMs up and slapped them onto it.

Of course, to use Surf and progress, I had to face off against Koga.

Things were going well up until Charizard couldn’t deal with Koga’s last Pokémon.

I sent in Mewl to heal my Charizard.

”Enemy WEEZING used SLUDGE!”

“MEWL ENDURED the hit!”

Strangely, when Weezing attacked Mewl, it didn’t get knocked out in one hit like it was meant to. Instead, it stayed in the field.

While I wanted to question it at the time, I just used a Hyper Potion on my Charizard to get it back to full.

”Enemy WEEZING used SMOG!” 

“MEWL ENDURED the hit!”

 Sure enough, I wasn’t dreaming. Mewl was somehow surviving all of Koga’s attacks. Normally that would be pretty cool, except for the fact that Mewl was level 7 and therefore effectively worthless in this fight.

I had to wait for it to faint to switch to Charizard, but Mewl kept surviving every hit that was thrown at it.

”Enemy WEEZING used TOXIC!”

“MEWL”s hurt by poison!”

“MEWL fainted!”

Thankfully, it eventually became poisoned and went down, so I could send in Charizard to finish the job.

I made quick work of Koga and his Weezing after that and made my way out of the Gym.

But weirdly, as I was leaving, I couldn’t help but notice the screen flashing as if a Pokémon in my party was still poisoned.

I checked my party again to see what was up.

It seemed like Mew had a custom sprite for being knocked out that I never noticed before. I didn't even know if that was a thing.

But it was definitely knocked out, for sure, so I brushed it off as some sort of bug.

I figured if anything would fix the poison glitch, it’d be healing at the Pokémon Center.

”If you drive your POKéMON too hard, they’ll dislike you.”  

”Please take better care of your POKéMON.” 

 I was confused at this text. Was this dialogue hidden for players like me who let their Pokémon faint over and over? Whatever it is, I have never seen it before.

”We hope to see you again!” 

The nurse went back to her chipper disposition afterwards though, so I figured I should just be on my merry way as well.

I checked up on Mewl to see how it was doing now.

It seemed like the nurse just haphazardly patched it up. Mewl’s expression still looked tense, but I hoped that didn’t mean it wouldn’t use its new HM moves.

I made a quick note to take down Giovanni at Silph Co. and Sabrina. My Charizard was actually getting a bit over-leveled, so I swept through without needing to use Mewl to heal during battles at all.

I decided that on my way to Blaine, I would fall back on my training a bit.

I back-tracked over to Fuchsia City since it was faster than going all the way back to Pallet Town.

I made my way down by the Fuchsia coast and hoped quietly that Mewl would let me Surf to Cinnabar.

Thankfully it seemed like the 1’4 cat was perfectly fine with me riding on its back, with no defiance at all. I felt confident, like I was finally getting enough gym badges to make it obey.

I'd even gotten it to listen when I needed it to use Strength in the Seafoam Islands. Things were really looking up.

I’d finally hit land and was ready to storm the Cinnabar Mansion and claim Blaine’s badge.

I was feeling pretty confident with my Charizard’s HP and level that I wanted to take on the Gym without healing at the Pokémon Center.

I had plenty of Potions and Revives in case of emergency, anyway.

All of the quiz questions were normal, except... This bizarre one. 

“You treat all your POKéMON fairly?”

Though it had been several years since I played this game, something felt off about it, like it wasn’t supposed to be there.

I half-heartedly answered yes, despite knowing it was untrue. My logic was, at the very least, that even though I as a player didn’t care about these Pokémon, maybe Red did.

”Sorry! Bad call!”

The buzzer went off and I was harassed by a trainer. I was appalled... Was the game really criticizing me as a player?

Had I hit some sort of secret flag after making Mewl faint so much? I couldn't understand what was happening.

I didn’t give myself much time to think about it though, so I healed up my Charizard with some Potions and took on Blaine.

Charizard had fainted again, so I left it up to Mewl.

I healed up my Charizard and expected Mewl to hang on like before, but it just went down with no resistance.

With my seventh gym badge in hand, I was pretty happy with my run so far. A couple more hours in and I’d be done, I thought.

I was ready to Surf north towards Pallet Town and claim my eighth and final badge.

“MEWL ignored orders!”

But I received a friendly reminder.

I had forgotten that Mewl didn’t like using HMs without being healed. I really didn’t feel like taking it to the Pokémon Center though, so I just carelessly threw a Revive at it.

Hoping that the Revive would be good enough to satisfy it and let me ride on it again, I mashed through text a few times to see if I could brute-force it to listen.

”MEWL won’t obey!”

”MEWL turned away!”

It kept bombarding me with the same defiant messages over and over, until...

“MEWL hates you.”

I was caught off-guard. This text didn’t have the same energy as the others, lacking an exclamation point. It sounded like flat, cold, genuine hatred.

I pressed A again, and attempted to order another Surf. Not necessarily because I wanted it to Surf now, but more out of a morbid fascination with such intense text.

“MEWL used instead, FLASH!”

Suddenly, like in a battle, the screen lit up totally white.

I was booted out of the party screen afterwards, and immediately noticed a distinct lack of an items menu. Had Mewl taken it from me?

Closing out of the menu, I spoke to the Pokémon now standing next to me, knowing exactly who it was supposed to be.

”Mew!”

Mew’s cry played. I already knew it.

“MEWL hacked away with CUT!”

I flinched, horrified at the thought of Mewl directly attacking my trainer.

”HM01 was destroyed!”

But then I realized, it wasn't that...

”HM03 was destroyed!” 

 Instead, Mewl had stolen my items...

”HM04 was destroyed!” 

 … And was proceeding to destroy each of my HMs, one by one.

”HM05 was destroyed!” 

 After destroying HM05, Mewl’s sprite disappeared; presumably back into its PokéBall.

I was exasperated, but quick on my wits.

I still had Fuchsia City's Pokémon Center as my last saved location, meaning I could use Abra to Teleport back to the mainland.

I was smug, thinking I'd found a loophole around Mewl's attempts to sabotage me.

”ABRA used TELEPORT!”

“ABRA ran away!”

I panicked, to say the least. I frantically scrolled around my party page. How could Abra have disappeared like that? I wasn't going to accept Mewl being my only ride back to Pallet, it was impossible.

I desperately went to the PC inside the Pokémon Center, in some vain hope that maybe Abra had just been sent there somehow.

”MEWL used STRENGTH.”

“The PC was destroyed!”

I couldn't believe it.

Mewl had gone full rogue.

I suddenly had to come to grips with the horrifying realization...

I was trapped in Cinnabar with no way off.

I went through what I can only describe as the five stages of grief.

Stage 1 - Denial

I scoured the internet for any other Pokémon in Cinnabar Mansion that I could use to escape the island.

I quickly remembered that Mewl had already destroyed my HMs and stolen my items, and realized I couldn’t catch anything.

But I did have one more plan.

If I could knock out Charizard and Mewl, I could be sent back to Fuchsia. It would take a bit of work for Charizard to eventually faint, but I was prepared to try anything.

”CHARIZARD ran away!”

But I couldn’t be prepared for my Charizard running away.

I was so shocked that I didn’t even want to send in Mewl, I just said no and fled the battle.

I fell into absolute despair. Mewl had not only ruined my chance of getting off the island, but now, even if I did, what would I do without the only Pokémon I’d been raising?

Stage 2 - Anger

I’d never thought malicious thoughts about this Mew before, just casual indifference and sometimes mild frustration. But I can’t say that I didn’t want some payback towards this Mew for wasting several perfectly good hours of my life.

I sadistically thought about how I would make it faint, and then how I would torture it over, and over, making it repeatedly faint until maybe it would measure up to Charizard’s strength.

“MEWL ENDURED the hit!” 

I couldn't stop myself from shouting "NO."

Despite Mewl’s apparent injuries, it hung on with one HP.

Again, and again, no matter what I did. No matter what Pokémon I faced.

It seemed like nothing could poison it, burn it, kill it.

Then, it dawned on me…

Maybe this was what Mewl wanted all along?

Stage 3 - Bargaining

Mewl’s stubbornness and special ability that made it unable to faint...

It took Mewl a long time to faint its first real opponent, due to its low level, but in the end, it grew.

I checked Mewl’s summary for some sort of sign, anything at all, that this was what I was supposed to be doing. It stared at me with its vacant, unreadable expression...

Perhaps it was shocked I had battled with it? Whatever the case, it wasn’t staring at me with hostility anymore...

So it was silently agreed between us, then. Mewl and I, we did our first ever grinding session.

It took a few hours, but Mewl’s level was growing steadily. Things seemed to be going well, until...

We ran into our first wild Ditto.

I thought it was strange, having not found a Ditto for all this time I'd spent in Cinnabar Mansion, but I didn’t see any trouble with fighting it, so I just let the battle progress.

Stage 4 - Depression

The Ditto transformed into Mewl, who appeared to have a sad expression on its face.

I quickly pulled out of the battle screen and into my party to see if something had changed with Mewl.

I checked to see Mewl, who had that same sad expression as the Ditto. Its status had changed from "OK" to a worrying "...".

I knew something was wrong, so I fled from that battle and every battle afterwards.

Though I had avoided it before on hopes of somehow escaping to Fuchsia City, I gave it all up to heal Mewl, who had risked life and limb to impress me.

After it was healed, I checked its summary again.

Though it had fully healed, it still had that depressed look in its eyes. I couldn’t understand want it wanted. I didn’t know what it needed.

But I realized that it was getting pretty late, and I wanted to get to sleep soon. I would have to leave the game on, and leave Mewl behind.

That was when it hit me.

Could it be possible that Mewl knew I hadn’t saved? Did Mewl somehow understand that no matter if I saved or didn’t save, it would disappear when I turned the game off?

I hadn’t really thought about it until now, but Mewl was more special than any other Pokémon I’d ever played with.

And if I turned the game off, it would disappear forever.

I didn’t know how to feel about that.

I went out of the Pokémon Center to reflect about this with Mewl.

I still wanted to finish the adventure with it, if it would let me.

Stage 5 - Acceptance

“MEWL doesn’t want to go.”

That was okay, I thought.

I realized that even if I went with Mewl to the Pokémon League, and won, then the game would return to the title screen and not save my progress.

Maybe Mewl understood that, too.

So then we were at an impasse, together on Cinnabar Island.

I didn’t know what to do. Even if this Mew was special, even if I genuinely believed it was real, I couldn’t just keep my GameBoy on forever. What would anyone else think?

I decided that for the first time in this entire run, I wanted to save my game. I didn't want to turn it off just yet, but at least save, as some sort of precautionary measure.

I hoped, that in the event the GameBoy turned off for whatever reason, a miracle would occur.

”Would you like to SAVE your MEW?”

It seemed that the game knew exactly what my heart wanted, and I selected yes.

Then, all of a sudden, my game turned off. Not due to low battery or anything, but it just turned off.

I panicked for a moment, and quickly switched the game back on.

It was gone. The save file was gone.

Or, rather, it was never there to begin with.

[bpro-cardstories]

Hikaru Osari SSR ーRequestー

2018 ー Power To Smile [笑顔にする力]

"Uhm, it’s really not a big deal, you know. The other day I happened to see a charity event where they raised money, but other than watching I couldn’t do anything.”

『Event: Heart Pounding! Happening VACATION (16th - 27th August 2018)』

Part 1

ーIn the waiting room.ー

Tsubasa: ‘Thank you for the recording. I will give you the materials for the next photoshoot.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Thanks. We’ll take a good look at them.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Please do so.’ 

Mikado: ‘It is already next week, time sure flies fast. We need to think about what to do when we arrive.’ 

Momotaro: ‘Yeah, you’re right.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Everyone somehow looks excited. What are you talking about?’

Kazuna: ‘It’s about the Hawaii trip this time.’ 

Momotaro: ‘Hikaru got the answers right in the quiz show last time, so everyone won a trip to Hawaii.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘That was amazing, wasn’t it. He won the first prize by solving the last question correctly.’ 

Tatsuhiro: ‘Yeah. That kind of thing is a first, right?’

Kazuna: ‘Yes. Outside of work, we didn’t have the opportunity to go on vacation together privately. We need to thank Hikaru for it.’ 

Mikado: ‘Yes, I am looking forward to it. And I was talking about the trip while looking up the information on Hawaii that I gathered.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I understand now.’

Tatsuhiro: ‘Speaking of Hikaru, he said that he wants a new swimsuit to wear for Hawaii.’ 

Hikaru: ‘…..’

Tatsuhiro: ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’

Hikaru: ‘Eh? Aah, sorry! I was in a daze just now.’ 

Momotaro: ‘Did something happen?’

Hikaru: ‘No, it’s not that something happened…..’

Tsubasa: ‘If it is fine, would you want to speak about it?’

Hikaru: ‘Uhm, it’s really not a big deal, you know. The other day I happened to see a charity event where they raised money, but other than watching I couldn’t do anything.’

Hikaru: ‘Ever since then I’ve been thinking about what more I can do for people that has a lasting effect. It’s all I've done since that day, but nothing comes to mind.’ 

Kazuna: ‘I see. That’s why you’ve been absent-minded.’

Mikado: ‘Hikarun, that matter is a very important one I think, but if you think too much about it, then you become stubborn and good ideas can not enter.’ 

Tatsuhiro: ‘He’s right. Let your head rest a bit. The Hawaii trip is perfect for this.’ 

Hikaru: ‘Yep, you’re right! If I can refresh on this trip, then maybe some good thoughts pop up!’

Kazuna: ‘Speaking of which, I looked it up yesterday. It looks like there’s a big shopping mall near the beach we’ll be going to.’ 

Tatsuhiro: ‘If so, then you probably can buy a swimsuit there, too.’ 

Hikaru: ‘That sounds great! I’m so excited, there seem to be patterns that are unique to Hawaii~!’

Hikaru: ‘Alright, I’ll buy a swimsuit, swim a lot in the ocean and relax both my body and mind!’ 

(Something you can do yourself, huh….. I hope Hikaru-kun can get something out of this trip.)

Part 2

ーIn Hawaii.ー

Hikaru: ‘Hmm….. Which one should I take…..’

Tatsuhiro: ‘Hikaru, did you still not decide?’

Hikaru: ‘Yeah, I haven't yet! Peachan, which one is better, the blue or pink swimsuit?’

Momotaro: ‘….. The coloured one is the blue swimsuit, and the patterned one is the pink one.’

Hikaru: ‘Yeah, exactly! Both are hard to discard~. I beg you, everyone! Decide for me which to go with! Majority vote, please!’

Mikado: ‘When we exclude Hikarun and Tsubasa-san, four people are left, so there is no majority vote.’

Momotaro: ‘….. I abstain from voting. I also can’t decide which one is better.’ 

Mikado: ‘Good, then me, leader and Tatsu-dono will be the majority vote! I go with the pink swimsuit.’

Kazuna: ‘For me it’s the blue one, I guess.’

Tatsuhiro: ‘It’s the pink one for me.’

Momotaro: ‘Two against one for the pink swimsuit.’ 

Hikaru: ‘Okay! Then it’s the pink one! Thanks for deciding in my stead!’ _______

Hikaru: ‘I’m so happy that I could buy a swimsuit I like~! Ah, since we’re already here, why not take a look in the mall a bit? I spotted an unusual store earlier…..’

Hikaru: ‘Ngh,  wahwah!?’

Foreign Tourist: ‘Ouuh!?’

Tsubasa: ‘Hikaru-kun!?’

Hikaru: ‘Ah, I have chocolate ice cream all over my clothes….. ‘

(How terrible, it was the moment when he bumped into the tourist who had ice cream with him….. )

Tsubasa: ‘Please wait a moment! I will give you something to wipe, uhm, the handkerchief…..’

Hikaru: ‘Tsubasa-chan, it’s alright! I can wash this amount off, everything’s fine!’

Tsubasa: ‘Eh, but….. ‘

Hikaru: ‘Ah, the person I bumped into also has ice cream on his clothes!’

Hikaru: ‘Well, in such a case, you can say “sorry”….. With the translation app, but you can’t say anything more difficult.’

Momotaro: ‘What is Hikaru doing?’

Mikado: ‘He is trying to tell the person who he bumped into something. Let me see….. ‘

Mikado: ‘ “If you put the clothes into hot water, then the chocolate ice cream won’t stain too much.”, he says. I see.’ 

Foreign Tourist: ‘Ooh! Thank you!’

Hikaru: ‘Yes, yes! No problem!’* 

Kazuna: ‘A-Amazing….. It looks like a friendship sprung from the passionate handshake between Hikaru and the tourist.’ 

Hikaru: ‘Fuu~, I’m glad I could tell him~.’

Tsubasa: ‘Even though it was an unexpected matter, your handling of it was wonderful. Hikaru-kun, how amazing!’

Hikaru: ‘That’s only natural, if you ask me! I’m joking though ♪. Since I have little brothers, it’s natural that I know about methods to remove stains and have mastered that skill.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I understand now.’

Tatsuhiro: ‘It will be crowded inside the mall, too, so why not go to the beach? Let’s come back here when it has calmed down a bit.’ 

Hikaru: ‘True! Alright, let’s go swimming!’

Hikaru: ‘….. Hm? Eeeh!?’

Kazuna: ‘Hikaru, what’s wrong?’

Hikaru: ‘The Japanese tourists we just passed were talking about how they couldn’t go into the ocean….. ‘

Tsubasa: ‘Eh?’

Part 3

Hikaru: ‘Haa~, playing that was super fun!’

Tatsuhiro: ‘Yeah, it wasn’t the beach, but the pool was fun as well in the end.’ 

Goshi: ‘Who would have thought that we’d be banned from swimming due to a mass outbreak of jellyfish.’

Hikaru: ‘So true! Well, it’s a bit of a pity, but the pool was fun, so the result is alright!’

Yuta: ‘The water slide was so cool! I wanted to slide more~!’

Kento (sighs): ‘Because my hair won’t be damaged by the salty sea breeze, I agreed to go to the pool, but to think that the water slide turned my bangs into a mess…..

Yuta: ‘Kenken, it’s impossible to maintain the shape of your bangs in the water slide~.’ 

Goshi: ‘Geez, you really don't know when to stop even when at the pool.’

Kento: ‘Be quiet. I was thinking of simply idling at the poolside, but Yuta forced me to come to the water slide.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I am glad, you all seemed to have enjoyed yourself, everyone.’ 

Hikaru: ‘Yep, it just happened without much thinking~!’

Tatsuhiro: ‘Now that you mentioned it, Hikaru, weren’t you playing with a foreign child in the pool earlier?’

Yuta: ‘Ah, I also saw that! You both were super excited and hit it off well! That child isn’t perhaps Hikarun’s acquaintance, right?’

Hikaru: ‘Nope, not at all. We only came to know each other at that moment.’

Kento (surprised): ‘Even though you didn’t understand the language, you got along that well.’ 

Hikaru: ‘It’s all about the feelings here! If you can convey that it’s fun, then words aren’t needed, are they? The rest you do with body language!’

Yuta: ‘Nothing less expected of Hikarun!’

Tatsuhiro: ‘Since Hikaru has a lot of younger siblings, he might just be used to it.’ 

Kento: ‘Even at the handshake event children often lined up for Hikaru, that’s probably because of that.’ 

Hikaru: ‘Hmm, I don’t really understand it myself, but that might be the reason?’ 

Yuta: ‘Ah, there’s a beach volleyball court over there! Let’s go check it out!’

Kento: ‘Definitely no. I’ll get sunburned.’

Goshi (sighs): ‘Not to mention, you’re still in the mood to play?’

Yuta: ‘We’re already here in Hawaii, so even if we can’t go into the ocean, it’s a waste to not fully enjoy the beach! Come on, Gochin, Kenken~!’

Goshi: ‘Uohh! Don’t push me, Ashu!’

Kenken: ‘Wait. You really want to go?’

Yuta: ‘Of course! Let’s go ♪.’

Yuta: ‘Tsubasa-chan, come with us!’

Tsubasa: ‘Ah, uhm, I…..’

(Since Hawaii's schedule was hard, I rather want to take a small break…..) 

Hikaru: ‘…..’

Tatsuhiro: ‘Hikaru, what about you?’

Hikaru: ‘Maybe I should take a break~. I used up too much stamina in the pool. I’ll rest over there under the parasol. Tsubasa-chan, will you come with me?’

Tsubasa: ‘Ah, yes.’

Yuta: ‘Nomecchi!’

Tatsuhiro: ‘Alright. Then I’ll go with those three and tell them about it.’

Hikaru: ‘Thanks, Tatsu!’

Hikaru: ‘Okay, shall we go, Tsubasa-chan!’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes!’

(….. Huh? Hikaru-kun seems to look fine?)

Part 4

Hikaru: ‘Fuu~, I played a bit too much.’

Tsubasa: ‘Are you fine not going to play with everyone?’

Hikaru: ‘Yep! Tsubasa-chan, you’re tired, right? I’ll also take a short rest!’

(Was Hikaru-kun maybe worried about me…..?)

Tsubasa: ‘I am sorry. I made you accompany me.’

Hikaru: ‘Wrong, wrong! I really wanted to rest! Don’t worry about that.’

Tsubasa: ‘Hikaru-kun…..’

Hikaru: ‘And you know, I became used to resting under the parasol like this~! Doesn’t it feel like we’re celebrities?’

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, you are right. In movies as well, you see scenes where celebrities sleep in a beach chair.’

Hikaru: ‘Yeah, that! My dream came true!’

Hikaru: ‘Say, are you enjoying Hawaii, Tsubasa-chan?’

Tsubasa: ‘Of course. It is thanks to Hikaru-kun that I am also able to enjoy Hawaii in this way. Thank you very much!’

Hikaru: ‘No way, I only won the quiz show by chance. I didn’t do anything.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘No, I did mean the quiz show, but it is also because of Hikaru-kun’s cheerfulness that I am enjoying this Hawaii trip.’

Hikaru: ‘Hehe, I see!’

Tsubasa: ‘Hawaii really is a wonderful place. Both the scenery and the food are superb.’

Hikaru: ‘Yep, Hawaii sure is great!’

Hikaru: ‘I was thinking that if I give my family an overseas trip someday, Hawaii might be a good choice. They’ll probably be impressed by the different scenery and food compared to Japan.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘That sounds lovely. You always think about your family and respect them a lot.’ 

Hikaru (blushes): ‘Hehe, thanks!’

Hikaru: ‘…..’

Hikaru: ‘This is about the charity event from the other day. Until now, the source of me being able to give my best as an idol was that I had to work hard as the backbone for my family. Seeing that event, I thought that I need to have a broader perspective and want to cheer up even more people.’

Hikaru: ‘Just as I thought, isn’t it delightful to see everyone smiling!’

Tsubasa: ‘Hikaru-kun…..’

Hikaru: ‘As an idol standing in front of people I have ways to communicate with everyone more than normal people, so it would be a waste to not use this asset! ….. That’s what I think, but how I should do it, I don’t know.’ 

(A method only Hikaru-kun can manage…..)

Tsubasa: ‘Uhm, how about thinking in a more simpler way?’

Hikaru: ‘A more simpler way?’

Part 5

Hikaru: ‘Think simpler….. Hmm?’

Tsubasa: ‘On this trip, you bumped into a foreign tourist and got ice cream on your clothes, but in the end you shaked hands together with a smile. It was clear that the child Hikaru-kun played with in the pool had a lot of fun.’

Tsubasa: ‘Hikaru-kun was worried about me being tired and even brought me to this parasol to sit under. That made me very happy. When being with Hikaru-kun everyone smiles. I think Hikaru-kun possesses the power to make people smile.’   

Hikaru: ‘I make everyone smile….. I didn’t come to think about this at all.’

Tsubasa: ‘That is fine I think. You do not need to do something for someone’s sake, it is fine if you do what you want to do little by little.’ 

Hikaru: ‘Do what I want to do, huh…..’

Hikaru: I see, it looks like I was thinking too much about it. I will do my best as I always did! Thanks, Tsubasa-chan!’

Tsubasa: ‘No, I am happy I could help you.’

Hikaru: ‘Tsubasa-chan, too, if you are troubled, don’t hold back and say so!’

Hikaru: ‘If I possess the power to make people smile, then I want to make Tsubasa-chan smile the most!’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Hikaru-kun…..’

Hikaru: ‘Let’s do our best together from now on as well!’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes! I will work even harder as your A&R!’

Hikaru: ‘Yeah!’

Tsubasa: ‘When I was talking with Hikaru-kun like this, my tiredness disappeared completely.’

Hikaru: ‘Really? Then let’s join beach volleyball with the others!’

Tsubasa: ‘Sure!’

Hikaru: ‘Yay! First of all, let’s enjoy Hawaii and get in touch with the various people and things here! I want to absorb so many things on this trip and then go home!’ 

Hikaru: ‘Let’s go, Tsubasa-chan!’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes!’

(Hikaru-kun really is a caring and kind person…..)

END ____________________

* Hikaru actually says this in English. 

[shinydocsberrytea]

12/15/21 9:47pm - sometimes i stare at the message bar of my texts w my gf & and contemplate telling her every detail of my eds. leaving nothing out & trusting her w every word. finally having a person in my life i can talk to abt this. not feeling so alone anymore. but i’m fucking terrified. terrified that she’d look me up & down & say something like “i thought you had to be pretty skinny to be anorexic?” (her saying this is extremely unlikely but i’m so afraid of it.) terrified that she’d feel like dating me in & of itself would be enabling my disordered behaviors. terrified that i will no longer be able to have days where i forget i’m sick/disordered if someone else knows. terrified that she would tell my siblings/parents/roommates/friends out of concern or whatever. terrified that if i ever do eat large portions or eat unhealthy food that she would assume i was lying abt the disorder to begin w or assume i’m cured. god i can’t believe there isn’t a single person on this planet that knows i’m orthorexic/anorexic (besides my tumblr moots love u guys). i NEVER considered anorexia before a couple weeks ago when i realized that u can eat 1200-1500 cals most of the time & still be anorexic. even knowing that though, i thought to myself, there’s no way i could be anorexic. like there’s no way my eds could possibly have hit the point of full blown anorexia. idk why anorexia has much more extreme connotations than all other eds but that’s just what my brain seems to think. i only ever met one person before i turned 18 that told me they had an ed. my 4th grade best friend was anorexic. she was super skinny & beautiful & that’s all i remember. that’s all i knew of the disorder for a long time. my skinny best friend was anorexic bc she was afraid of not being skinny. when i was younger i certainly thought you had to be skinny/underweight to be anorexic. i was shocked when every single test online confirmed that i have both anorexia & orthorexia. maybe i just have one or the other i’m not sure. for the orthorexia quiz (pic posted below) i answer yes to every single question, except i don’t plan my meals multiple days ahead & my quality of life has not decreased as the quality of my diet has increased. ik we’re supposed to believe that if u have any ed whatsoever u must be super depressed but i’m WAY happier than i was 45lbs heavier. i lost 25% of my bodyweight. a quarter of my past self has simply disappeared. and my entire life is better bc of it. but while i was taking another quiz, one of the questions hit me like a fucking truck. like all the air left my lungs & my jaw dropped. “to what extent, do you feel your appearance is the most important aspect of who you are?” bc realistically, the most important aspect is probably kindness or intelligence or being able-bodied. but when i think about what is most important regarding my quality of life & how people will treat & think of me, obviously appearance is the most important. & that’s just a fact. if you question that, google “33 convincing reasons to lose weight” bc even people who are like “nooo! diet culture sucks! everyone is beautiful & u can be fat & be just as happy as a skinny person!” are forced to admit that they’re at least somewhat wrong when they view statistics. factually&statistically: skinny people are more likely to get raises, offered better jobs, be treated kinder, get more attention, etc. then also there’s the fact that they’re way less likely to get diseases, have insomnia, have asthma, have depression, have acne, sweat a lot, have poor memory, etc. literally almost every aspect of life improves when you become skinny. & this is just the tip of the iceberg. i have countless more undebatable reasons why life is better while skinny in my notes. u could also view literally any before&after weight loss story/pic/video & ask if their quality of life improved. this is why skinny girls who tell overweight/obese girls that they should just enjoy their life & love themselves piss me off so much. they don’t fucking realize how much easier EVERYTHING IN THEIR LIFE IS.

[chibi-pix]

Okay y’all, you know what? Chibi is gonna watch another show! And I’ve chosen to watch Voltron Force! And I got the first three episodes watched tonight!  And I’m going to be honest with a few things. I’m going in knowing way less about this show than I did DotU, and I didn’t know much about DotU to begin with. And one thing does bug me. Part of the animation. It’s like there’s a clash of styles when involving robeasts and such, but I’m finding I can easily ignore that. Also, I kinda dig the intro song. Nice beat. Now, without further delay, we’ll get this started!

With episode 1!  Seeing the flashback of Lotor, his hair just doesn’t look as glorious. Oh well.  Now, moving past his hair, the lions are malfunctioning. I’m with the kid, who I later learned was Daniel (I struggle at hearing names at times, so please forgive me), on it seeming shady that they decommissioned Voltron and the lions without looking into it.  “I’ve yet to greet our first year cadets.” Lance, you sound like a sadistic bastard ready to make their lives hell with training. I mean, I probably would, too. But that’s beside the point.  Also, Sky Marshal Wade? Wade sounds like a jerk and I hope someone defenestrates him.  And Keith is a fugitive. Didn’t expect that. Okay then. Lance busting the kids, Daniel and Vince, as I later learn his name with ease. Dude... I wasn’t pleased with this at first until we got further into the episode. Then things made more sense.  And I’m led to hate Wade even further. Can we please defenestrate the man? Please? I’m going to be honest, guys. I didn’t think it’d be possible for me to like anyone better than Pidge and Chip in any form of Voltron. But it happened. Don’t get me wrong, I love Pidge still. Can’t go hating on the green team baby. BUT VINCE! The quiznaking adorable baby boy! I just want nothing good for him. I mean, I wouldn’t mind Vince whump either, but I want good things in the end for him! And his use of “snart”. I don’t know what that means but it amuses me almost as much as “quiznak”.  I like seeing the robot mouse with Keith. Like in DDP’s comic! The mice were robotic, too!  We’ve got Daniel and Vince in the simulator. And Lance joining them! Lance! You being a good boy? And those simulators taking off was not something I expected. And Lance is chill! Yes!  When Lance gave them the mission to replace the pin on Wade’s coat, I thought they were bugging him to catch what he says. Nope, the original was keys for the lions. Didn’t expect that, but I’m pleased. Nice!  And Keith getting his lion back! Huzzah! 

Now let’s move on to episode 2, shall we? “I believe he’s become part of the solution.” This scientist dude working on something... this guy is giving me the heebies and jeebies.  Now then, back with the cadets. Meeting the other cadet. Daniel’s reaction. Either a crush or he’s just a sucker for a pretty face.  And this cadet is Allura’s niece. This implies that Allura has a sibling. Right? RIGHT? What am I missing!?  Oh yeah, Lance’s tone definitely makes him seem like a sadistic bastard when he told the others he was giving them a pop quiz. And that quiz is fighting. This guy’s a bastard and I’m amused.  “I’m not gonna hit a girl.” And this cadet isn’t afraid to hit you boys. Good for her.  And for the record? I don’t know her name and I was too lazy to look her up. I really struggle with hearing words at times, especially names. Please forgive me.... So I’mma just call her cadet because I’m too lazy. Sorry.  Poor Vince. My precious baby isn’t enjoying training one bit... And Pidge helping Keith out. “You might want to take evasive action now.” Shooting starts. Pidge’s timing is impeccable.  Oh look, they’re bringing Lotor back to life apparently? And as the camera pans along his body, they flash to his skeleton at his pelvic region. I’m highly amused at that perfect method of censoring him. And back with the kiddos! Vince. He’s an adorable nerd and I love him. His deduction with the voltcoms. And... poor Vince! His fizzled. But that’s fine, he’s happy again in his zone with the lion simulator! Yes, be a happy precious boy!  And the ziplines to reach the lions. Ah, such a fun sight. And with the robeast there, I’m glad Daniel’s instinct is to help the others and fight. But he needs to practice with the lion more.  And Vince and Cadet working together in the other lion! Until the robeast yeets Green. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I feel sorry for them, but that yeet was amusing.  Keith knows how to end a fight in style. Even if he crashes.  “You still rocking the mullet?” Lance... um... your own hair is threatening to be a mullet itself.  Oh... oh... turning commander lady into the next robeast? Am I seeing that right? Oh dear....

Now let’s hit episode 3.  Screw you, Wade. And thank you, Coran, for standing up for Voltron!  Though the parallels with Wade and Lotor.... oooooh.  Um... guys? GUYS! No spoilers but VINCE HAS GLOWY SPARKY SHOCKY EYES! Should I be worried about my baby boy?  At least Cadet is seeming to try and get along with the boys. Good on you. You guys are a team now! I want a giant painting with a usable sword! But since Mama doesn’t trust me with real swords, I may need to make one with a plastic sword. Surprisingly she trusts me with a plastic one. Wade demanding the lions and Pidge and Hunk. “I want them now!”  Lance’s sass with “You’re an only child, aren’t you?” I mean, understandably, he got hit. But I’ll be honest, I’d have said the same thing. Or something else dealing with his childhood.  It’s cute seeing Vince and Pidge working together. Yes, two faves working together. This makes me happy! And Vince having to work alone. And he’s a shocky baby again. Honey, please be okay! And... spider robeast. Why is it always spiders?!  And then the dark lion... that can’t be good.  Though the lion losing and Wade being shocked. Yes. Suffer, Wade. Suffer.  And... lion in a cocoon with spider... Hunk wants to poke it. I laughed at that collective “no.”  Time to poke and quiznak! The bugger mutated with the lion! Getting the black lion fixed and back to the battle, the kids are excited about forming Voltron! Huzzah! And Daniel being adorkable, happy to say “I’ll form the head”. You dork. You’re adorable.  I had a feeling Vince’s shockiness would help in the battle. And I called it! He powered them up in the nick of time! Yay Vince! But I still hope you’re okay.  Yeet the robeast to space since it’s unstable and dangerous and... is it repairing itself? OH dear....

Okay, guys. This is it. This is the start of watching this series. Which is... just one season? Sadness. But I hope to continue enjoying it. I wanted to watch just the first episode to see, but here I am enjoying it further and three episodes in. 

So! Here’s to the start of the next “chibi watches”.  Until next time!

[a-la-la-llama]

The One Where Marinette Gets Fetched #10

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5   Part 6   Part 7   Part 8   Part 9   Part 11

  Titus had been restless ever since his first escape. The poor thing had been itching to get out again. He even stopped wanting to take walks around the estate. It made Damian upset to see his beloved dog so unhappy. The problem was he didn’t trust anyone outside the grounds to treat Titus like he should be. To be honest, no one in his family could except Alfred. His father and adopted siblings were incompetent as they were in practically everything. Damian was reluctant but eventually caved in the end.

  So he pulled on his most inconspicuous clothes that an average person would wear, or at least what he thought average people wore and led Titus out the door with a leash. Alfred had suggested he didn’t go to the private secluded parks near the area and one more in the city. It was like a walled area for muggers to catch high paying victims once they left. The city parks had more people and made it easier to blend in. It was also where Titus seemed to prefer to go. As soon as they passed the gates, the dog practically dragged him. Damian could have reeled him back in but the smile he swore was Titus’ face stopped him.

  Titus had conveniently brought a blue tennis ball with him while Damian held his leash and carried a satchel across his chest. The pair made their way to a secluded open field that provided enough room for the Great Dane to run around. A game of fetch ensued between the two. A throw too far set Titus on a chase. Something must have caught his eye because as soon as he got the ball he took off through a small grove of trees.

‘Must have seen a squirrel.’, sufessed Damian.

He sat down and took out his sketchbook and a few pencils. He preferred a monochrome look than a full-fledged colored drawing. Damian began to sketch his surroundings as he waited for Titus to tire himself out.

///~///~///~///~///~///~///

“Guardian, may we visit that tree Tikki had mentioned before? It has been a long time since I’ve been able to climb a real tree. Who knows how bad my climbing skills have gotten!”, Xuppa pleaded.

“Well, as long as you are able to stay hidden from all passersby I guess I can let you all roam around.”, declared Marinette.

“That’s why we want to go to the tree on the hill, silly Guardian. It’s a clearing surrounded by trees! It’s perfect!”, Daizzi teased with a small oink at the end.

“I guess you have a point. Okay, through these trees we shall go! Are my loyal and trustworthy Miri’s ready?”, joked Marinette.

“Of course, our fair Lady.”, Pollen continued.

“I’m always loyal to you, Guardian.”, said Barkk.

  The journey was long and treacherous for the group. Well, not really but it was fun to pretend they were on an adventure. Instead of a park, they were in an unexplored jungle. Having to avoid deadly obstacles such as couples and people reading peacefully under the trees. Then Marinette had been attacked by a poisonous tree root sticking out above ground. The root caused blindness temporarily which resulted in her tripping over it and falling. That led to the kwami’s having to lead her around with her eyes closed. It was like she was a little girl again playing with her- her-. Yeah, it was nice having fun with her Miri’s! They marched up the small hill with everyone following her like ducklings while they sang a Guardian-folk song.

“Alright! We have arrived at our destination. All Kwami exit the station as the Marinette train studies her sign language notes!”, she announced.

They all floated off into the tree as she sat under it and pulled out her journal. Reconnecting with the English language just to learn a new one based off of it. Then Damian had challenged her on who would do best on the ASL quiz next Friday. She couldn’t back down and was now forcing herself to study. Nooroo timidly floated out of the bag towards her. He had opted out of joining their song now that she thought about it.

“Master, I am sorry to bother you but are you certain it is all right for us to roam around?”, the butterfly mumbled.

The poor thing was greatly affected by their time in Paris. Duusuu could feed off the happy emotions of the others but Nooroo put the fault on himself. Gabriel had done a number on the poor kwami.

“You can call me Marinette or Guardian, Nooroo. Of course you can come out! Don’t worry so much, that's my job.”, she reassured. It got a small smile out of the kwami before he zipped off.

 She was going over her greetings when she saw the kwami go in and out of her bag. Everytime they would come out with their personal snacks.

“Did everybody pack something to eat and forget to tell me?”, she pouted.

“Sssssorry Mari. We forgot to tell you. We could alwayssss sssshare our ssssnackss.”, Sass hissed out.

“You should try some of my honey-covered croissants! They’re amazing!”, buzzed Pollen.

“No, eat my seeds!”

“My dried bananas are the best!”

“Carrots!”

“Biscuits!”

“I’m so happy. I love food!”

They all hurriedly shouted above each other trying to offer her their snacks.

“Calm down, Miri’s! I appreciate your generosity. Though camembert sounds delicious right now.”, she commented with a side glance at the certain kwami. The cheese glutton couldn’t do anything but drop his jaw at her request. He had been the only one to not say anything and the Guardian knew it.

“Minibug, you can’t be serious! My cheese smells bad. You won’t even like it. Trust me! You’re better off eating one of Sass’ boiled eggs.”, Plagg tried to redirect her taste and the other kwami’s glares.

“I’m teasing Plagg. I just had breakfast not too long ago.”, she said.

“Geez, Mari! Everyone looked on the verge to kill me.”, he huffed before stuffing the entire wheel in his mouth.

  Marinette and the kwami’s settled back down as she put in her earbuds and continued to study. Everything was nice and dandy for another forty-five minutes until she heard a faint shout from Tikki.

“Marinette look out!”

It was too late for the guardian however. By the time she knew it, Marinette was being dragged by the collar of her hoodie away from the tree. All of her stuff was left behind as her kidnapper ran at an alarming rate. She was pulled down hill, past the trees, dragged through a clearing for a while until she was dropped face first onto the grass. A dog started barking as soon as she was released.

“Titus! What is the meaning of this. You can’t just grab random- Marinette?”, the person said.

Marinette rubbed her head as she lifted herself up. This person knew her? She was met with the somewhat familiar face of Damian.

“H-Hey Damian, does this happen to be your dog or is there a better reason it just dragged me fifty yards to drop me here?”, she stuttered.

“No, it is not. I just happened to be able to read it’s name tag without moving. Of course it’s my dog, idiot!”, he sneered.

“Hey! How would you like it if you were suddenly getting yanked to gods know where by the collar and felt like you were choking?”, she retorted, rubbing her neck.

“What are you even doing here, Marinette?”, he questioned with narrowed eyes.

“First, this is a public park. I was studying some notes before your crazy- oh my kwami it’s taller than me!”, she gasped looking at the dog. She knew it wasn’t taller than her but her position of sitting on the floor made it tower over her. Marinette had met it before.

“Titus is a perfectly sized Great Dane. You’re the one with a pathetic stature. I suggest you change your diet to one suited to help with growth. Maybe incorporate beans, quinoa, or chicken if you're an inhumane meat-eater.”, he said.

“Yes, because I can totally fund a lifestyle change like that. Also, I’m average height. You’re the one that’s too tall!”, complained Marinette.

Titus wagged his tail back and forth as Marinette scratched his head in her lap.

“We had been playing with his tennis ball and I assumed he went to chase after an animal of some sort. Then he came back with you.”, Damian explained.

“So your dog basically fetched me.”, she summarized.

“You could put it that way.”, he commented.

“As adorable as Titus is, I have to go get my stuff before someone decides to take it. See you at school on Monday, I guess.”, Marinette said as she got up, much to the displeasure of Titus. Said dog barked in complaint as his attention giver left.

“Tt. I’m not sure what you have done to him but Titus should not be acting this way. He is supposed to be a feared guard dog, you have made him soft!”, he huffed.

“Feared like you with the rest of the student body at Gotham Academy? You still haven’t told me what got you to be dubbed an ‘Ice Prince’.”, Marinette said.

Damian only packed up his stuff and walked away.

Now, Marinette had to walk all the way back to the tree. The Miri’s were definitely going to lecture her.

I am sooooo soooo sorry for not posting this last week! I went out of town and it completely slipped my mind... sorry.

Tag list

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[gammacousin]

Okay. I’m ready to real talk Black Widow. I don’t want to but as an activist there’s an obligation I have to share and educate. I nerd to forget but I suppose it shows the power of this movie if it brings something real into the light.

*Spoiler Warning. Trigger warning for everything.*

There are some things I want to say that could potentially spoil aspect of the Black Widow film. I also would advise you to skip this post if you have a darker past, if you aren’t interested in getting serious, or wish to skim by, I’m sincerely not judging! I come on here to avoid the universe as well. You do you, I totally still love you if you don’t read this and want to move onto something nerdy or more fun. This isn’t the post for you.

It’s taken me a while to process and organize my thoughts. Skip if you don’t want to hear deep, raw stories.

3

2

Okay. Nerd review first.

The level of girl power and any and all glass ceilings… There is SO much left to do. So much that needs to still be addressed. But seeing 3 women run this show: Yelena, Natasha, and Melina was an absolute joy to observe. This isn’t the end of some hard waged war, it’s the beginning and I beg you; Disney/Marvel. Please give us more of this? It’s so important for young girls to see other girls kicking butt and winning. Quick summary of nerd feelings; Losing Nat still burns. Yelena is a boss.

Okay…Real talk.

I have to get a little deeper here now. My personal story absolutely played into how I felt about this film and I wish I saw some trigger warnings about the material covered. Do I know Black Window’s story? Yes. In and out. I can read it, I can write my FF on it. However. Little to no one knows my story and so absolutely no one is to blame for not warning me. I was not expecting to come out this shook.

I’m sharing this because it’s happening now, today. In the real world. I doubt the film makers had this mind over other social issues, but after feeling like it’s irrelevant, that my pain is somehow less than, I’m realizing through my activism it’s not.

I grew up in a cult where women are not relevant. You matter up to a point. You are useful, to a point. If you’re giving 24/7, you’re not giving enough. If you’re not smiling as you’re doing cult stuff, you’re complacent. In addition to why I’m about to share, my house growing up was not a safe space which is a story for another time. So it’s a stack…this janga-ish game that eventually just comes crashing down.

My trigger started moments after the film started the handing over of the kids. When Alexei chooses the job over the welfare of the girls. Alexei put his two “daughters” in danger to save ‘face’. To put the job ahead of two children…it hit home. In the group I’m from, fathers, mothers, grandparents, siblings will absolutely choose the group over blood. You are nothing and you mean nothing if you ‘defect’. If you break a rule. If you complain. If you say ‘no’. If you put in a bad review for a leader, if you have anything bad at all to say about the organization as a whole. You can confide something deep in someone you trust and it absolutely will come back to hurt you.

The title song shook me completely. This collage of video and images of brainwashing, treating these girls like absolute objects is disgusting in itself. But when you’re raised in this other world, there’s a level of brainwashing that is absolutely unmatched. Videos, books, quizzes, 12 hour lectures, weekly meetings.

People are unified to the point where you lose your own identity. There’s a language- a literally language- words you start to misuse. Verbiage only people in the cult use. Kids of any age will watch any rated film. Frequently the themes are about obedience and or cooperation and the consequences if you do not cooperate/obey. Death is a such a common theme that either you become petrified of your own shadow, petrified of breathing wrong, or turn completely numb. In sharing these videos, the goal is to instill this fear that you will never be enough. That you will die- turn into a charred hot dog of a figure if you do not obey 8 white men - the leaders, in New York. That your friends, classmates, neighbors, family will die if they don’t believe what you do. That you’re held accountable if you can’t bring them to your side.

The song for the credits hit me. I cannot listen to it. I have no idea what it was about.

When I watched the film, I couldn’t focus at this point at gosh barely 15 minutes in. I had already checked out. I heard keywords. “Entertainers,” “I feel stupid and contagious…”

In my world, I did not matter. What mattered was, what was presented to the public. To your group. Meeting some checklist of this perfect family at any cost. You’re not an individual, you’re a number. Literally. Your records are documented by men in the back room- your actions, your track record. But ultimately? You’re part of a numeral equation reported to headquarters. And if you’re a woman, you do not have a say in how you look, dress, act or in what you say. You are as the title song says, …“Entertainers”. You smile. You do your job, and you are ‘happy’ about it. Your job is to dedicate x amount of hours cleaning the room you gather in, and in recruitment of other members…

There’s a ‘job’ in the cult called a “pioneer”. Okay. No, we might not have been trained assassins. But you are trained to manipulate emotionally. To prey on the weak. You get books, magazines, movies, speeches, lectures- you rarely get a free Saturday. Oh and the job isn’t paid. So make sure you’re working (part time because full time secular work isn’t acceptable) at a desk job (because college and getting an education is not allowed). Don’t make friends with the people who work with you, they’re out to get you. Back at the club; You answer questions like it’s some schoolastic quiz every week and quote what your reading. It’s a brainwashing tactic. If you say something enough times, you remember it. You start to believe it. You spend hours reading these things, training… Your job is to target people who have lost- and have lost a lot because they’re vulnerable. You learn to go to cemeteries, and literally stalk people who are grieving. Like Val. If you can catch someone when they’re weak, senses are dulled. They’re desperate. And you bait them with this false promise. This idea that all THEY have to do is change all that they are, join you, and they’ll see their dead loved ones again. That they are doomed if they don’t change. Most pioneers draft 2-4 people per lifetime. If you’re a great saleswoman, you can draft more into this horrific world. And I regret the hours I spent lying, torturing people. For some cult that doesn’t give two cents about me.

I 100% believed of I didn’t convince my classmates, neighbors, to join my side they would either turn me in or they would be killed by a divine being. From 2 years old I was supposedly handing out pamphlets. The doom is not a quick painless death, no. You have visuals. You have men getting up to talk in detail about what your ‘friends’ will look like as corpses. Visually descriptive to the point where I still feel a bit numb to it all. That you will have to bury their bodies after the whole divine destruction. That you will have to “clean up” the earth. You are numb- convinced- bullied to the point where you believe this is true.

If you’re hurt as MANY WOMEN AND CHILDREN ARE, and you don’t have two people to testify and say they saw it- it never happened. Abuse is the norm. And if you speak up about it? You’re called a liar. Your friends cut you off. They think you’ll die along with everyone else if you put in a ‘bad review’ or leave. You’re bullied into submission and taught from a young age that you are not in control of your own decisions. You relinquish yourself under the pretense that the men you have such reverence toward are under some divine being’s control.

Your parents hurting you is acceptable. And don’t you dare speak against your father if he’s deeply involved. Don’t even think about approaching if he’s on a phone call. If you’re hit you take it- because you “deserved” it. And you smile. You shove that pain deep down. You hide the bruise, the cut lip, the depression, the bottles of pills you’re swallowing the whatever….You’re screwed if you faint, throw up, pass out, because you’ve missed a meeting. You better be dying for that to happen…

The idea that is portrayed in the movie (IMO) is that you can forgive family who hurts you. I see people forgiving Alexei and what’s her name. Look- that’s great. It’s a fun film. Alexei is funny. Here’s what I saw; it’s a toxic man- nay- father who can’t accept responsibility. He takes pride in what the girls have become- monsters. Not in who they are at their core. He has no idea who they are. And the mom has this photo album…I’m tearing up. She remembers this a certain way, a wishful thought. I’ve confronted my own mother about our past and had an album thrown at me, “We were happy. You were happy.” The fact is I was told the smile. You’re forcing this perception that everything was normal. That it’s okay to go back. (I’m not taking away Yelena’s view that everything was real to her, that’s fine for the sake of the story, and sweet. The moment between her and Alexei..fine. Milena turns and takes their side at the end, great.) The problem with how I saw this, is that’s not how the real world works. I don’t owe my parents forgiveness when I didn’t mean shit to them. When people leave the cult they’re cut off. Treated like they’re dead. I didn’t find these moments cute, I found them horrific. Hugging me, saying he’s proud of me is the toxic sh** my father would pull. Ignoring the holes in the wall, in my skull, the phony impression he gives to the rest of the group. Hugging me…after sweeping everything he did not only to me, but countless others under the rug because the cult…because 8 men in NY will protect him. Legally. Or otherwise.

I don’t need to forgive my parents. If you’ve been mistreated, you don’t owe anyone anything. They can “try” to do the right thing, that doesn’t somehow block out years of mistreatment. Years of trauma. Sheetrock only patches the surface of the broken walls. Wounds heal but some scars stay with you forever. Metaphorically or otherwise.

‘Entertainers’ was a trigger word because if you’re high enough in the ranking system you’re asked to “testify” or share a story. It’s in front of a couple thousand. It’s an “honor”. What it really is, is a three ring circus. You will only see women on the sidelines reading from the cards while only men stand at the main podium. They’re reading what they have told them to say. Stories are manipulated, cut, changed to fit a narrative that better suits the group of a couple thousand members.

Dreykov. I hate this. But I have to go there. I’m neck deep already, might as well. I think the worst part of all of it is that you can’t touch the person who made you this way. Those 6-7-8 leaders are untouchable. It doesn’t matter what you try. What legal entities, ex groups have tried. There’s a term for us and we are considered ‘mentally diseased.’ Members are told to avoid us. And in case you were curious, no, they can’t just break their nose on a table to be free- if only it were that simple. Gosh that got me. I would cut a limb, split my skull open, if it meant I could just cut a chord. It takes years of therapy and I still have nightmares. Urges to just, go. I’m OKAY. But most escapees are not. If you manage to escape with your life and don’t end it because the pressure, guilt, abuse that comes with leaving is too much. (This is sadly the fate of MANY LBGTQ+ members.)

The only hope is either the group eventually runs out of money or they’re taken down legally. Both of which are impossible since many older members will leave all they have to the group rather than to their family. It’s a complex billion dollar publishing company that plays monopoly with people’s investments, homes, and lives.

If you speak up, you’re the liar. So you cannot free your friends, who have turned on you, already cut you off, and discarded you the day you walked out and didn’t come back.

Watching Natasha, and Yelena free their sisters made me think of every woman who is stuck in this cult. For every woman, child, currently being sexually/physically abused and can’t say sh** because they literally believe god will kill them. If I say anything to them, they block me. If I expose what’s happening they will lie in court. That’s what is happening. And it’s not in the news, it’s not talked about. Because you can’t. You’re forced into silence. There’s a block. A literal legal force field that you cannot penetrate. They have their own lawyers. You can’t break into it. You’ll lose every, single, legal battle you try to fight.

Was this a decent movie? Yes. Was I expecting to share this days after release, no. I’ve been forced into silence for so long, told that people have it far worse and that I shouldn’t talk about it. But just today I saw a grown ass couple in an escapee group, talking about how one trigger word sent them into a depressive spiral. Wondering if some god damn lightening will come out of the sky and knock them dead. And we frickin struggle in silence. People will just shrug and go “oh it can’t be that bad,” while my gay best friend can’t catch an effing break. While someone else suffers at home because god wants it that way. Someone else will bury their kid today, maybe not even hold a funeral for them if they were ‘mentally diseased.’

For people like that couple I met today, like me, if you don’t just see a fun film but a darker past or maybe it’s brought up some memories for you, I’d honestly love to chat!!! Message me! I feel like for as painful as this is to hash out not too many people know about what goes on behind a group of smiling, well dressed woman who come knocking on your door. “It’s just a religion.”

I guess I didn’t realize…the criminal aspect of what happened to me. You’re so ingrained to keep quiet. To smile. To ignore, to suppress. I can smile, joke laugh, but visualizing…inadvertently seeing this mirror was so unbelievably uncomfortable. I would always rather help someone else because it takes me out of my head. Live in a bubble where I can call my trauma a ‘fantasy’. What’s real is when someone like me has a bad day? Lol! Look, my husband literally checks his phone to make sure a conversation never touches a couple hundred trigger words that will absolutely send me into the closet with a gallon of ice cream or a bottle of whiskey. I can’t imagine what someone else, what some other traumatized individual goes through. (Maybe that’s why the Bucky stuff makes me all angry She-Hulk too..)

Look, talking people ex members of this group, out of suicide is a daily endeavor to the point where it’s borderline on autopilot. But having this, I suppose, brilliant, piece of cinema turn the camera around left me raw and writhing and angry. Not for me, but for everyone else still stuck. With every year you spend in that cult, add ten more to therapy.

If you feel like me at all, you’re not alone. Not anymore. We were raised to feel alone in the world. That the universe is somehow out to get us and that’s simply not true. You don’t need the people who raised you if they were absolute shit bags. And you DO NOT have to forgive them for keeping you in that environment. Family isn’t family if they’ve hurt you. You owe them nothing. It is healthy to feel your feelings (and you and your feelings are valid. )

Anyways! I hope to be able to talk about more fun Marvel topics soon. But this felt important so thanks for listening. I’m really not hating guys, this is just…it’s heavy. And I beg you to do your research into cults and to help out where you can.

Love and light,

-M

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

[jasperwhitcock]

equinox | chapter 07 –– “a cruel god, a wrathful goddess”

here is chapter six of my bella as a vampire and edward as a human fanfic inspired by an au that @bellasredchevy​​ posted. you can read the new chapter on AO3 or here. i post updates on AO3 or on tumblr using the #equinoxjw tag. but it seems 10/10 times my tag does not work, so that is a fun mystery for me to solve.

oof... sometimes u get distracted and then ur sister gets married and then u get unmotivated & d*pressed and forget to update ur fanfic for over three months... my bad y'all... sorry for the wait hehe. i hope it is worth it. again, i'm so thankful for the comments & i read them all. i get too shy to respond, but i WILL. i just need to talk myself up first. i love u. thank u. hehe. ♡♡♡ merry christmas/happy holidays if i fail u again before the 25th. i WANT to update more frequently. my catchphrase these days is "i'm trying my best," so... i'm trying my best.

this is for the sweet anons who slide into my ask box & ask me questions abt my fanfic. and for taryn, who consistently reminds me that there are people wanting to read this seeing as she is one of those people, kim, who i am so desperate to impress that i began working on a new chapter once she started to read my fanfic, and kae, because without her, this fanfic would never have existed in the first place. i love how i'm writing this as though it's the intro to an actual book when it's literally just chapter seven. ok, i will shut up now so u can read. love u. again.

07 A CRUEL GOD, A WRATHFUL GODDESS

In great contrast to the noisy ambience of the other students in the hallway, we were silent on our walk to our shared biology class. I wondered how conscious Edward was of the stares and whispers focused on our proximity to one another, but my guess was that he was very much conscious of it. I intentionally ignored glancing in any direction that I sensed one of my siblings’ presence, although I figured it was mostly paranoia driving me to feel as though we were about to cross paths. Holding my breath to more easily walk beside Edward left my senses impaired to the ability to pinpoint their location. 

I was lucky that for the majority of my immortal life, I’d managed to escape unwanted attention. But now, it seemed that precious luck had finally run out. Maybe embarrassment had been creeping up on me, maliciously building itself up all these years, waiting until just the right moment to rear its ugly head and exact revenge that immorality had stolen its favorite object of humiliation to torment. But here it was, ensuring that I was finally catching up on feeling awkward and out of step, a feeling I experienced for what seemed like the entirety of my human life. I thought once I’d been changed, I’d never feel this way again, but becoming misaligned with my family made me feel bashful to parade my defiance in their faces. I had operated better under no scrutiny as a mortal and was surprised to realize that that still held true as an immortal as well. Because though there was now never a struggle of staying upright or a risk of tripping over my own feet, that didn’t prevent me from feeling self-conscious as I walked beside Edward. Although for different reasons –– it was too mortifying to consider what my family might make of what my actions suggested about my feelings towards Edward.

And yet still, I would put up with the ridicule and disapproval of my siblings if it meant I could listen to Edward speak his silly philosophical theology, his questioning of god and existence, for just a few more hours. If I were going to be teased over Alice’s visions regardless, I might as well find out what I can about this pretentious boy before I leave him alone forever. If only to understand why his moving to this small town threatened to warp my own future so much. In losing night and in losing death, there were so very little anomalies in the endless amount of time I’d been given. So what would it hurt to allow myself to fixate on this minuscule difference in my life for just awhile?

It could hurt Edward, a more selfless part of myself reminded me. If indulging myself was playing with fire, I was being justly punished with the way flames were efflorescing the inside of my dry, burning throat.

If a god did exist, why would it make sense for such a being to craft someone like Edward with his perceptivity, and send him off to this small town, home to a secret such as ours? If a god did exist, why it would be fair for such a being to craft someone like Edward, someone who tempted me both in bloodlust and in curiosity, and send him off to this small town, home to the very vampire who desperately wished to kill him most? If a god did exist, if our kind had fallen short of heaven, I could understand why sending Edward into our path –– and more specifically, my path –– could be some kind of punishment. But what I couldn’t understand is why a god would allow someone as innocent as Edward to be endangered for the sake of bringing a sinful, undead creature to justice. It seemed the only reasonable explanation would be that a god probably did not exist. 

And how could there be? I was on the precipice of falling into temptation with every step further in the hallway and every question he asked and answered. I could never not be very much aware of the fact –– especially now with his body merely inches from my side and his sweet fragrance blooming both deliciously and relentlessly in the air. And even as I impossibly withstood the lure of his blood, how was I meant to ignore the irresistibility of his mind and how inexplicably concerned I was to understand it? It seemed like a very cruel experiment of free will and knowledge –– far too cruel to allow much room for the kind of god Edward hoped for.

I frowned as I realized that this experiment wasn’t that of a cruel god’s but that of a cruel vampire, and I felt very much like a vampire as the sound of his heartbeat was so appealing that it made my mouth water.

“Do the stares bother you?” Edward spoke quietly to me as we weaved throughout the hallway. Easily distracted, his question was able to pull the more civilized parts of myself together, though this was probably also in thanks to my choosing not to utilize my sense of smell. I found it funny that at least one of his thoughts had been in a similar vicinity. But of course, the rest of his thoughts were probably free of all consuming agony and struggle. For all his curiosity about morality, to inflict this existence upon him would probably devour him in misery. At least as a human, despite whatever conclusions he may come to, there was still some hope to be had for an afterlife. This thought should have been dark and depressing, but because it made Alice’s vision seem like a complete hoax, I almost found it funny. How would Edward ever end up like me?

“Oh, no,” I swallowed the venom in my mouth. “I live for attention.” I watched from the corner of my eyes as his gaze flickered over to me, the ever present half smile appearing on his face at my joke. My answer came out so comfortably as though I was used to this, when in reality, the student body for the most part had grown accustomed to ignoring me. And, of course, there was nothing comfortable about the demanding, aching dryness in my mouth or the burning in my nostrils. “How about you?”

“Likewise,” he joked, laughing. “This is interesting –– their fascination. I understood their interest on my first day because I’d guess a new addition to the student body in a town this small is something of a rarity, but today, walking by your side is garnering even more attention. Is it a once in a lifetime opportunity to have Bella Cullen walk you to class?”

“You’re just so observant, aren’t you?” I rolled my eyes, though the corners of my mouths pulled up despite myself. “And I’m not walking you to class. I’m walking to a class I just so happen to share with you, so don’t get the wrong idea. I think they’re just surprised because they’re probably under the impression that I don’t play nice with others.”

“And do you?”

“You tell me,” I replied, pausing to face him beside a wall of lockers next to the entrance of our biology classroom. As he stopped beside me, a gust of air from a passing student walking hastily down the hallway sent his scent reeling into me at an unfortunate moment where I’d chosen to breathe in. My muscles tensed to spring, and I desperately anchored myself to the floor as my mind fell into disarray.

“Nicely enough,” Edward winked naturally as though we’d been the best of friends since his first day. The demanding thirst was intruding on my awareness, and the desperation for something wet and hot and delicious in my desiccated throat was so dizzying that his voice sounded as though it were underwater. With an effort as though I were swimming through drying cement, I resurfaced, just barely proving my dominion over the desire. I focused on his voice so that it’d become clearer, forcing myself to take another excruciating breath in and exhale the fire out. “I will say I am honored to be the exception –– to be plucked from the masses by the renowned, reclusive Bella Cullen.”

With torturous effort, I snorted as though I wasn’t fighting everything within me to keep him alive. I breathed in again heavily, allowing my body to become a pyre so that I could speak. “Alright, that’s enough. Stop saying my name like that. And you’ve lost the privilege. I am never walking you to class again,” I rolled my eyes even though my joke could very much be the truth. The bunching of my muscles, the twitching of my hands, and the fierce pain in my throat reminded me of the fact. Before he could point out the contradiction of what I’d previously clarified, I sighed. “Let’s take this quiz.”

His pretty green eyes were alive with mischief and enlightened with what must be more answers to questions he hadn’t outright asked me as he turned to enter the classroom. I followed behind him towards our shared table.

Air from the vent rushed out, thrusting the scent of his blood wafting into my face again. I paused for an indistinguishable moment as I battled agony, murderousness, monstrosity. Holy fuck. What was I trying to prove! Was it really worth this? Swallowing hard, I sat beside him as though nothing happened. My suffering was so great that Emmett could have brutally ripped my arm off, he could have beat me with it, and I wouldn’t have noticed nor felt a thing. I could have been set on fire, and it’d feel like sinking into a cool pool of water on an even cooler day. I was already burning alive, my body acting as a furnace, and I was imprisoned inside it.

Without intending to, I sighed aloud, exhaling as though it would smother the flames. It was a stupid, attention seeking thing to do. Humans sighed to expel air or express some sadness or relief or exhaustion, so when my family emitted an audible breath, we did so as a means of blending in. But to breath out in a way to clue Edward into the fact something was plaguing me… it was a stupid invitation for more questions. And these were questions I had no intention of sharing the answers to. I felt his eyes on me, but before he could say anything, Mr. Molina began passing out quizzes face down on our lab tables as students continued to pile in from lunch.

“Alright, class. Today we have a pop quiz–– oh, come on, guys, don’t groan. You will have the opportunity to make corrections after these have been graded. This is just an assessment of what you’ve retained from this unit so far. You will have the entire period to complete–– thanks for joining us, Mr. Patterson, glad you could fit my class into your busy schedule. Why don’t you take your seat? –– You will have the entire period to complete your quiz. If you finish early, feel free to get a head start on this weekend’s homework! I’ve written the reading down on the board. Aw, I’m sure you’re all moaning because you’re disappointed at how light of an assignment it is because I just know how very excited you all are to continue your passionate pursuit of studying biology. Alright, now that everyone’s settled–– wait a minute––”  Mr. Molina paused, raising his pointer finger in the air, his eyes squinted in anticipation. Three seconds later, the bell signaled the beginning of class. “Begin!”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward reluctantly turn away from me. In an elegant script, he wrote his name at the top of the paper and began his quiz. I turned away from him to look at my own paper, preparing myself to uncomfortably hold my breath for the next hour. The difference this made in my thirst was almost insignificant, but enough so that it gave me a tiny more leverage in my control. I smoothed out the pucker on my forehead with the eraser from my pencil, accidentally snapping the rubber off against my face. 

Absentmindedly, I began to breeze through the assessment, circling the correct answers, but my mind was more absorbed in the warmth of sitting beside Edward. Aside from the affliction of doing so, it was too pleasurable to have sat beside him so often and for so long today. I enjoyed the toastiness like a lizard basking in the sun. It made me recall the muddy human memory of laying out on a blanket in my backyard beneath my beloved blue Arizona sky, hiding beneath the small shade of a book. Not the blistering heat of a summertime Phoenix sun, but the warmth of the first day of spring. But the heat of Edward’s body alone was enough to fill my mouth with venom, so I tried to refocus my attention onto my quiz.

When I turned to the last page of questions, a motion beside me diverted my concentration once again. I peeked over, turning my head slightly in Edward’s direction to see what it was. As he thought over one of the questions, his right hand was moving peculiarly as he lifted and dropped down his long fingers almost as though he were impatiently tapping each digit one by one along the tabletop. Except the movement was more exact and calculatingly random. Engrossed, I watched as his his soft, fragile skin rippled over the muscle, the tendons appearing and disappearing with every bizarre movement. It took me a moment to make the connection between the large grand piano in his home and the motion of his hands. I realized he was miming piano movements while he thought through his answers. There was something both weird, funny, and endearing about this. I smiled to myself, not having the required oxygen to quietly laugh.

I felt his curious eyes flicker over to me and watched peripherally as he raised his eyebrows. I shook my head, biting down on my lip to unsuccessfully fight the smile, and returned to completing my quiz.

I finished a moment later and impatiently waited another ten minutes or so before I could turn in my work. I tried to ignore Edward for this small period of time at least, mentally reading myself the opening chapter to Wuthering Heights. Even though the words were committed to my memory, it was still never as good as actually reading from the book itself.

Once I’d decided an appropriate enough time had passed, I stood up to walk my quiz to the completed basket on Mr. Molina’s desk. Even having waited, I was still the first to finish the examination.

“Thank you,” the teacher whispered without breaking his focus away from the crossword puzzle he peered through his glasses at. I breathed in now that I’d placed some distance between myself and Edward, gladly facing the cool, fresh air from the vent.

“Neophyte,” I whispered back now that I’d replenished my oxygen supply.

“Excuse me?” He glanced up, his slightly aged face confused.

“Neophyte,” I repeated. “Eight across, two down.”

I took in one last clean breath and walked back to my seat as he tapped his pen across the squares of the space, mouthing his count of the letters to check if the word fit.

As soon as I took my place in my seat again, Edward stood up to walk his own quiz to the basket.

I wanted to watch him, but instead I forced myself to unzip my backpack and retrieve the biology textbook.

Busying myself with the assigned chapters, deciding to actually read them so as to not feed into my invasive Edward obsession, I couldn’t help but listen as Edward too placed his own textbook on the countertop.

I heard the scribble of pen on paper as he began to write what I imagined were notes until his large hand slid the paper over to me beneath the wall of my hair spilling over the desk. Well, I wouldn’t ignore him if he was the one deciding to bother me.

You know I’m pretty certain that cheating is a violation of the student handbook, but I’ll let you get away with it just this once.

I turned to glance at his face to see if he were serious. His eyes were warm and inviting, his mouth in the same crooked smile.

I took the piece of paper and looked around for my writing utensil that had gone missing somehow. My eyes zeroed in on a suspicious, tiny pile of wood dust on my side of the desk. When had I brutalized my pencil? He held his hand out to offer his own pen, and I accepted it, carefully plucking it from his fingers without making contact.

I wasn’t cheating. You were doing something funny. And what do you know about the student handbook? You’re new.

I slid the paper and pen back to him and watched as he combed a hand through his bronze hair, reading my response. The smile grew wider as he construed the biting tone of my note. 

Can I be let in on the joke? Edward wrote, turning to look at me once he was done. Again I was prisoner, though this time not to my own body. I was momentarily held hostage by the beauty and warmth of his light green eyes. I was understanding more and more the attraction the other students had for him. If I had a soul, it was as though he were staring straight into it.

I recovered, placing my hand atop the desk and then wiggling my fingers as though I were weaving my way through a very complicated piano piece.

Oh, Edward mouthed, immediately understanding. He silently laughed and placed his left hand to his forehead briefly as if to hide his face in mock embarrassment. The ink from the pen spilled onto the paper as he began to write again.

In my defense, there’s research that supports classical music puts students in a heightened emotional state, making them more receptive to information and helping them focus.

That’s very nerdy of you. I scribbled back, the corners of my lips pulled upwards.

I know. As I read the words on the notebook paper, we both laughed a little too loudly for the quietness of the room.

“Please remain silent for your classmates still working,” Mr. Molina stage-whispered from his desk, his eyes still fixated on the crossword puzzle.

It’s a bad habit. Edward tacked on to his message. I beamed. I knew a thing or two about bad habits today. I was appreciative of this silent conversation on paper; it made it easier to be beside him without needing to breathe to speak aloud.

What were you playing? I scrawled.

Clair de Lune. Edward wrote back. His thick eyebrows raised as my eyes lit up, and he continued writing. You know Debussy?

My mother used to play a lot of classical music around the house. It was one of my favorites.

It’s one of my favorites, too. Edward’s eyes were a little sad and lost in thought, and he smiled softly.

I was shocked by the change in expression and weirdly desperate to return the brightness back to his eyes. The burn in my throat was almost forgettable in the face of my concern. Almost, but not quite. He turned his head down to write on the paper again.

You said Rosalie played piano. You never learned? He turned to look at me, his expression curious. I shook my head and shrugged, reaching for the pen.

I didn’t think I had the coordination for it. While this was true for the time I was human, it wasn’t true now. Still, even though my days stretched into endless nights, I hadn’t yet devoted time to any instrument as an immortal.

Edward read the paper, his long pointer finger tracing the line beneath the words as he did so. He held his large hand out, and I dropped the pen into it.

I’ll show you sometime. Edward half smiled at me, his eyes sweet and earnest.

Knowing I shouldn’t be allowing him to think making a plans with me was an option, I reached for the pen to tell him that it was alright, but I froze as he suddenly moved to drop the pen and take my hand. Though he should have been the one hesitant and cautious as though approaching a dangerous, wounded animal, I held perfectly still as though he were the danger, and I needed to play dead for protection. You can’t play dead if you are dead, I thought to myself. 

My body tensed as my hand was enveloped in the heat of his much larger palm, uncertain as to what he was doing. My muscles screamed at me as I clenched my free hand into a tight fist, terrified of myself.

A shiver rippled through him as he felt the chill of my frozen fingers, and I twitched the hand in his possession, wanting to yank it away to protect him from the iciness but not wanting to alert him with the swiftness of the motion.

He smiled mysteriously at the spasm as though he somehow expected it. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking but didn’t want to risk breathing. My control could too easily be lost. Besides, I was scared that if I were to open my mouth, I’d end up screaming.

I felt him push slightly and realized he wished for me to curl my fingers, so with great concentration and the acute awareness of his fragility, I moved my stony hand into the shape he directed, my fingers curved slightly beneath his like a relaxed talon. I didn’t like the shape; it was odd and inhuman and made me think of the violence I could cause.

But it wasn’t a claw. Because once my hand was positioned the way he wanted, he began to slowly place pressure on my fingers, and I dipped and rose them accordingly to carefully move with his. I watched as the two of our hands together played what I imagined must be the opening chords to Clair de Lune.

The disconcerting emptiness in my chest soared at the bizarre pleasure of this touch, and a weird sensation tickled my scalp, moving swiftly down my spine to my entire body. 

My muscles tightened violently and then relaxed, sending a shiver to ripple through me. It was too much pleasure and too much pain as my throat ached and I leaned into the warmth.

Embarrassed and not wanting to push my luck, I cautiously pulled my hand slowly away. He lifted his hand to allow me to escape as though I couldn’t just break his hand to do so, a half-smile pulling on his lips. I pretended not to notice the goosebumps on his arms.

See? he mouthed before deciding to whisper. “You could do it.”

I forced myself to smile and then turned away for the rest of the hour, trying to keep from doing anything stupid like looking at him or killing him. I’d completely forgotten where we were.

When the bell finally rung, I collected my things atop the desk hastily. Edward reached for my backpack and held it up for me.

“Thanks,” I murmured as I dumped my books into the bag. Before I could take it from him, he slid it onto his back and nodded his head once for me to go forward.

Feeling awkward, I turned and allowed him to follow me to the door. I was lucky to walk in front of him, taking the opportunity to breath again as the vent blew out in front of my face.

Exiting the classroom, I paused for a second when I saw Emmett waiting for me across the hallway rather than his typical spot beside the wall of lockers next to our shared Spanish classroom. Even though I was well aware of the fact I’d been dangling my irresponsibility in their faces all day, I still felt as though I was being caught in the act.

Emmett’s eyebrows raised as his golden eyes watched Edward follow behind me, carrying my backpack. I crossed the hallway reluctantly towards my big brother.

“Hello,” I greeted him, avoiding his eyes. I felt smaller than ever beside him with my head down, and yet not small enough as I wished to disappear.

“Hey, little sis,” Emmett began uncertainly, though I glanced up to see his full lips were beginning to stretch into a smile that I didn’t like. “Who’s that with you?”

“Uh…”

“I’m Edward Masen,” the lanky human boy introduced himself confidently as he stopped beside me. “And you must be––”

“Emmett,” my brother interrupted, grinning as though he always so comfortably interacted with humans. This was all too weird, but he looked to be enjoying it far too much. His desire to mess with me and his confidence in Alice’s visions seemed to override the abnormality of speaking to a student so amicably. I watched as he breathed in and shot me a meaningful look. I grimaced.

I opened my mouth to put an end to this torturously awkward interaction, but Emmett interrupted again.

“It’s nice to see you made a friend,” he began, an evil glint in his eyes as he watched my face. I was confused as to where he was going with this because our entire family would come across as misanthropic to the rest of the school, so why should it matter to him. He turned his attention to look at Edward who was closer in height to him. “You know, we worry about her––”

“Okay, let’s go to Spanish,” I cut him off quickly. “Edward, can I have my bag, please?”

Without looking at him, I reached for my backpack as he offered it and threw it over my shoulder, heading down the hallway. It was a massive relief to put some distance between myself and Edward. My thoughts were clearer, and I could breathe freely.

Emmett burst into laughter, his guffaws booming in the hallway. Several students paused in fear making me concerned about Edward’s reaction to my giant of a sibling, but I relaxed when I heard Edward chuckling along with him.

“Um, see you,” Emmett said to Edward before his steady, near silent footfall followed after me.

Even moving at a lethargic human pace, he caught up to me quickly.

“That wasn’t funny,” I grumbled.

“What the hell are you doing?” Emmett chuckled, ignoring my question.

“What the hell are you doing? What was that back there?”

“I don’t know. That was weird, but not as weird as you playing with your food.”

I hissed quietly.

“Damn, I’m kidding, Bells. But seriously, what are you doing? What happened to your high and noble speech about doing the right thing and staying away from the kid? I thought Esme was about to produce real tears. It even softened Rose.”

“Ugh, don’t talk to me about Rosalie right now. She’s been giving me dirty looks all day. It makes me feel awful. I already feel bad!”

“Well, I don’t really care what you do either way so––” I looked at him questionably. “I mean, sure, I want you to do the right thing, whatever that means. I don’t want you to feel miserable. But on one end, I didn’t really mind so much what happened to me.”

“Rosalie did,” I countered.

“Yeah, Rose did,” he acquiesced quietly.

“Anyways, I’m not having that conversation. I wasn’t talking to him today to test whether or not he’s worth it. That’s… unethical.”

“So what were you doing?”

“I don’t know,” I groaned in answer.

Emmett laughed.

“You’re weird these days, Bella.”

“You’re weird everyday,” I quipped back before sighing. “I don’t know. He’s weird, too. I guess… I’m not making any decisions, at all, but if Alice told you what she told me… wouldn’t you be curious?”

Emmett thought it over. “Yeah, I think so. But I also don’t think I’d have even made it to this point,” he admitted. I winced.

“It’s kind of unfair for me to care more about satiating my curiosity and dance with the devil this way, right?”

“Well…he may not know it, but isn’t it more so that Edward’s the one dancing with the devil?”

“Yeah,” I agreed, frowning as we walked into our Spanish class. “I guess it is.”

I made the decision to avoid thinking of Edward for the remaining hour of school. I paid very little attention in Spanish, returning to the familiar mind-numbing boredom that classes had been prior to the last few days. Now that it was in stark contrast to the sudden life breathed into my time at Forks High School by my fixation with Edward, the tedium was no longer something dealt with indifferently and sluggishly. Now, it left me feeling restless, and it almost pained me how laborious it was to sit through a life I wasn’t an active participant in. It was nowhere near the pain of dealing with the excruciating thirst I had around my bronze-haired lab partner, but it almost tampered with my thoughts more knowing I’d feel less miserable if I spent this time analyzing every word Edward shared with me, every fluctuation of his tone, every glint in his perceptive eyes, every expression on his pretty face… But I was becoming too obsessive. The same hunger for adventure that made me fall in love with reading must be what was leading me to so treacherously, so impetuously dive into exploring this insignificant and yet cataclysmic difference in my life.

As though it had a personal vendetta against me, time moved even more lethargically than it ever had before, but finally, the bell signaling the end of school rang. Emmett’s eyes shot a concerned look at me as I rose from my seat too quickly, and I immediately felt embarrassed again. The cautious reminder in his expression made me feel childish as Emmett was never one to care much about bending the rules. 

“See you at home, I guess,” he shook his head, giving me one last look that seemed to suggest I’d lost it.

“See you,” I mumbled, slinging my bag over my shoulder. Leaving Emmett behind to wait for Rosalie, I weaved through the crowded hallway and out to the parking lot. Students were bundling together and squealing at the chilling air as tiny, fluffy snowflakes fluttered down from the overcast sky. The floor of the parking lot was almost as glassy as yesterday as the rain from this afternoon had melted into a thin layer of icy mush. Though there was hardly enough snow for a decent snowball fight, some of the rowdier students were bundling up a pitiful pile of snow to form pathetic snowballs in their fists.

I nearly skipped to the pearly white vehicle parked beside Rosalie’s overly conspicuous crimson car which was forming a small crowd of admirers. Leaning against the trunk of the car, I watched the front doors of the school to look for Edward.

The tangle of reddish-brown hair was easy to spot because of its strange metallic tint as he strolled out of the building with Naomi, the student who’d provided him with the information about my family on his first day. He had his coat folded over his arm, revealing how form fitting his light tan turtleneck was. He truly was a very attractive boy. It was odd that I hadn’t really paid much attention initially. With his dazzling face and tall, lean frame, Edward was pretty enough that for the vampires who searched for exquisitely beautiful humans to create into even more stunning immortals, he could probably be a contender for someone to collect.

Thinking of how Emmett questioned my motives today, I quickly banished the idea of Edward as an immortal from my mind, even if it was only a hypothetical inspired by my observation.

Edward paused, asking Naomi if she could hold on to his backpack for a moment. When she grabbed it, he pulled on his long black coat, and fiddled with the collar. Recollecting his backpack, he slid it onto one shoulder, then rubbed his hands together, blowing the warm air from his mouth to heat them up. Thinking of the sweetness of the smell of his breath made me remember to take in swallows of fresh air before he made his way over to me.

As he was distracted momentarily, I watched as a stray snowball flew towards Edward’s head. I was overcome with the urge to intercept it in the event it may hit him too harshly and knock him to the pavement, but flying across the parking lot inhumanly fast twice in one week was probably not the way to go about correcting my mistakes.

The soggy snowball crashed into Edward’s hair, exploding into shards of ice and water that slid down his prominent cheekbone. I laughed aloud at his shocked expression as the curtain bangs framing his face were immediately drenched, darkening his hair into a brown color. Once he’d realized what happened, his face broke into a good-humored smile.

“Holy shit! Sorry, Edward!” The classmate who had thrown the snowball with poor aim called out.

“No worries!” Edward called back. He shook his head, chuckling as he wiped the water from his face. As he laughed, his eyes found the space where I waited and brightened seeing that I, too, was enjoying the moment.

“Hey, I’ll see you tomorrow,” he told Naomi, who was too beside herself in tears of laughter to reply.

Edward sauntered over towards me, and I inhaled deeply as a fortuitous whisper of wind blew from the tree line. I held onto the notes of crisp eucalyptus, fresh snow, and cedar wood, trying to distract my mind from the offensively mouthwatering scents approaching me.

Edward was a coordinated human, but even he lost his footing on the icy pavement. His body slid forward for a moment, but I stepped towards him to close the space between us and caught him by the elbow.

He looked up from his boots against the frozen parking lot into my eyes, startled momentarily at the swiftness in which I had appeared. Then, his full lips lifted into a crooked smile that creased his astonishing green eyes into half moons. I let go immediately and took a big step back to ensure a safer distance between myself and the warmth of his fragile body. It had been a risky movement, but somehow in comparison to yesterday, it didn’t seem to matter as much. I figured our classmates were too involved in their gawking at the details of my sister’s car or their feeble, slushy snowball fight to notice, and oddly, I didn’t care that Edward had seen. It was beginning to feel too late to keep up certain pretenses.

Although, it wasn’t too late, and it shouldn’t feel that way. I reminded myself I still had every intention of leaving Edward alone once I’d figured out what was so compelling about our paths crossing that had Alice’s visions spiraling in a confusing jumble. I took another step back slowly.

“Thank you,” Edward said, his eyes humored with another secret he didn’t seem willing to share. “You keep saving me.”

“Well, let’s not make this damsel in distress thing habitual,” I snorted, turning so that he couldn’t see the smile forming on my face. I felt shy about showcasing any comfort or happiness in his presence now that I was reminded of how fleeting this experimental friendship was, but I wondered if subconsciously I wanted him to catch me in my misery and ask me to explain, though I wasn’t certain why I wanted to sabotage myself like that. I opened my door and turned to look at him again. “You coming?”

Before he could answer, I dipped into the driver’s seat, and breathed in one last time. Well, once this was all over, I could finally stop inhaling dramatically as though they were truly my last, dying breaths. The air was mostly clean of his scent, but I knew that regardless, the heat of his body would be enough to disrupt my comfort and control. As the thought crossed my mind, I painfully swallowed back the venom pooling beneath my tongue.

Edward swerved through the crowd obsessing over Rosalie’s car and opened the passenger door, sliding into his seat. As he placed his backpack on the floor and fiddled with his seatbelt, I made sure to adjust the air conditioning so that the heat could warm Edward from the frigid Forks air. Though for me, just being in his presence made the intimate interior of the car feel as though I were again sitting by his fireplace.

“That’s a beautiful car,” he murmured. “Is it an M8?”

“Uh, it’s a BMW?” I asked uncertainly as though he’d spoken another language.

Edward grinned as though he wanted to laugh but didn’t want to make me angry. Rosalie would have loved to answer all his questions if he too had an interest in cars. Would have loved to, if she wasn’t deeply offended by my actions or if I had any intention of Edward meeting any more of my family members.

“Ready?” I bit my lip as I forced out any inconsiderate plots of murder that threatened to distract me from being a defensive driver.

“Mhm,” Edward answered.

I reversed out of the parking slot slowly, but as I looked in the rearview once I’d straightened out, I saw the fleeting image of Rosalie’s exquisitely beautiful and exceptionally angry face. I quickly readjusted the mirror to remove my sister’s reflection and sped out of the parking lot in a way that could have taken out a few unlucky students if I didn’t have above average years of driving experience.

Peripherally, I watched as Edward’s thick eyebrows raised, but he decided not to question me. Once we’d reached the main road, I slowed my speed so as not to rush through this time, even though I knew for his safety and my sanity, I should. As I drove, his right hand moved in odd shapes again against the arm rest of the passenger side door as though he were playing piano once more.

I decided to bite and use up some of my limited air supply.

“What are you playing?”

“Clair de Lune again,” he replied. Then, he began to hum the melody aloud for me as he moved his hand.

I thought to offer to play the song for him through the speakers, but I decided against it as I listened to Edward’s soft, velvety voice hum beautifully through the song, breaking the silence.

The ugly, slush-like falling of snow transformed into a falling of rainwater, and Edward’s voice was orchestrated by a lovely symphony of raindrops.

Before his voice could weave into the more involved moments of the piece, Edward stopped.

I looked over at him, curious for the reason as to why. His face was turned away from me so that all I could see was his untidy bronze hair as he gazed out the window. I pulled in front of his driveway and parked against the curb.

Miraculously, I’d made it again. Carefully, I inhaled through my nose to experiment with my control. The sweet bouquet of the boy’s blood was potent and even more mouthwatering than usual from the snow turned rain that’d wet his hair. I hadn’t considered the possibility that he could smell better than before, and I kept myself from groaning aloud as I dug my nails into my own palms. The tingling sensation in my nose was as though I’d sniffed some powerful chemical, the burning sensation in my throat as though I’d taken a long drag of a cigarette. But more painful. More demanding. Desire, need flew from my core out towards my extremities, and the beating of his heart pumping the blood through his body drummed loudly in my ears. It seemed to move through me, my frigid body almost twitching with every pulse, ready to lunge forward and crush his neck to my lips.

“What was your mother like?” He asked me suddenly, his voice soft. Edward turned from the window to face me, and I was bewildered by the intensity of his expression. His eyes were light and beautiful against the gloomy grey of the sky, and they squinted slightly as though studying my face like this information was absolutely essential. But this was not what stunned me, as I’d already seen the severity of this expression before in our ephemeral time together. It was the unexpected vulnerability of his stunning face. The more time I spent looking at him, the more I realized how beautiful this human boy really was. And it seemed a great tragedy for this beautiful boy to harbor such devastation in his eyes.

Whereas previously in his presence, my thoughts had become incoherent due to a lapse in control, now my thoughts were incoherent in distress and desperation to understand what had gone wrong and how I could fix it. I was momentarily dumbfounded, but I pulled myself together after the soft sound of a few droplets of rain against the roof reminded me that he was waiting for an answer.

“Well, she looked a lot like me, but prettier,” I began stupidly. He raised his eyebrows. “Or at least, she used to look a lot like me, and I used to look a lot like her. I don’t so much anymore.” It’d been so long since I’d really spoken about my mom, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or cry. I knew I should have made some comment about whether or not she looked like Esme or Emmett since our story made us siblings, but I didn’t want to taint the rarity of sharing who she was with a lie.

“She was more outgoing than I am,” I continued, thinking through the foggy memories I held onto from my human life.

“That’s difficult to believe,” Edward teased quietly, his lips curving into a half smile.

I laughed, listening to the melodic sound of it, thinking of how it symbolized how very much different I was now from the human girl my mother knew.

“I was always very shy,” I smiled, before speaking up again, caught in the echoes of my past. “She was brave and irresponsible and slightly eccentric. And she was a very unpredictable cook!”

I laughed aloud again thinking of some minor explosions in our tiny kitchen and some questionable dishes. Edward laughed too, but when our laughter faded into the falling of the rain, my smile faded.

“She wasn’t perfect,” I admitted. “I think I recognize now that she was very fallible. I worshipped her when I was younger, but when I think back, I do see how in some of the ways she raised me, I was done a disservice… I grew up too fast. When she died––“ I sighed, feeling insincere and guilty about perpetuating this lie when I really should have said when I died, “––Esme became more of a mother to me, and even Rosalie’s been more traditionally nurturing than my mom ever was… But still, she was my best friend.”

“You miss her,” he murmured simply. I met his gentle eyes.

“Yes,” I bit my lip.

“How old are you, Bella?” Edward asked. “And not the formulaic, theorized version where you were born in your thirties. How old are you really?”

I tensed, wondering if he was asking this again because he’d taken note of how I didn’t directly answer this question the last time he asked.

“Seventeen,” I answered automatically.

“You don’t seem seventeen,” he responded, reproachful.

The tension left my body at the tone of his voice. I smiled again easily.

“Sorry?” I asked, biting my lip to hide the smile, unsure of how to respond.

Edward chuckled and the subtle crinkles by his eyes lit up his face. “Well, I wish you’d been given a happier, normal childhood.”

“I’m fine,” I shrugged, brushing it off. “I hardly remember most of it, and what I do remember reminds me that I probably didn’t have much chance at a normal childhood to begin with. I was terribly shy, remember.

“I did do girl scouts, though….Oh, and ballet briefly,” I admitted, unsure as to why I was volunteering so much information about myself. Wasn’t the purpose of me sitting here to uncover information about him?

“Why does that make you… embarrassed?” Edward’s eyebrows pulled up.

For an odd moment, I felt betrayed by the flush of my cheeks before I realized there was no blood rushing to my face. I blinked, bewildered by the peculiarity of this long buried instinct to become frustrated with my easy blushes when I hadn’t blushed for years. I felt self conscious as I wondered what Edward saw reading my expression to so perfectly decipher my feelings.

“I was very uncoordinated,” I dismissed his question as I fought the urge for my hand to flutter to touch my cool cheek.

“Now that truly is difficult to believe,” Edward half-smiled. “I can’t imagine I’ve seen anyone as graceful as you.”

I laughed aloud at his compliment, though I didn’t doubt his sincerity. I knew this was true of myself. It was true of all of our kind to appear fluid and effortless, but still, no one had ever applied the word to me. My vampiric poise was irrelevant and unimpressive to my family, and the very few humans brave enough to overcome their nerves to compliment me typically found their words to fail them.

“You’re very odd,” I beamed.

“What do you mean?” The bronze-haired boy asked, again wanting to be let in on the secret. While I had an insatiable thirst, it seemed he had an insatiable curiosity.

“How old are you really? Your word choice is bizarre for someone your age, you know.”

“Oh,” he laughed easily. “Well, I’m actually not seventeen. I’m eighteen. But I’ll try to strictly adhere to a more teenage vernacular, so I can compliment you in a more acceptable way from now on.”

I looked out at the dim light of the brewing storm, my smile fading as I decided that I should probably allow him to escape me before I did something I’d regret. But I knew I wasn’t resolved enough to completely leave him alone. He made me monopolize too much of the conversation, and I wasn’t satisfied with what I knew about him yet.

I sighed aloud, and Edward, too, looked out at the rain darkened sky.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” he asked hopefully, making the assumption that our conversation was coming to an end.

“Yes,” I promised reluctantly. My eyes flickered back over to his pretty face, studying the lines of his strong jaw, his chiseled cheekbones, his full lips, committing this inconsequential face to memory as I silently resolved that this should be –– and would be –– one of the last times I’d allow myself to be this close to him. Tomorrow may well be the very last.

Likewise, as though his thoughts were in the same vein, his beautiful green eyes studied my face as well, though he did so in that mysterious way of his where he looked at me as though hoping to read my mind.

He sighed, then collected his backpack. Edward opened the door, stepping out into the bitterly cold weather. A shiver ran through his lanky body, making my body tense with perverse excitement. I cringed away from the deadly instinct and swallowed against the dryness of my yearning throat.

Edward’s tall, lean frame leaned down to peek into the car.

“Goodnight, Bella,” he spoke softly.

“Goodnight, Edward,” I almost whispered, gazing into the beauty of his dazzling green eyes.

Edward smiled his half smile, and closed the door, escaping into the building torrent of rain.

I gasped in relief at his absence, then stiffened realizing how the cab of the car was still heavily perfumed with his scent. I took in another deep breath, forcing myself to confront the burning thirst again, willing myself to manage it. I sighed as I hit the gas, making Edward disappear behind me.

  Both my control and the rain pour strengthened significantly as I turned onto the long drive leading to my house. I grimaced as I wondered how I’d face my family and explain the complete reversal of what I’d promised to do. I didn’t have time to consider for much longer as suddenly, a figure appeared instantaneously in the drive. I slammed my foot on the brake immediately in shock at its appearance, not wanting to total yet another car against one of my siblings.

I peered through the windshield, unable to see through the complete downpour that submerged my vehicle as though it were underwater. It was annoying for my perfect sight to be obstructed by anything, rainwater or even the transparent windshield because of my eyes’ desire to focus on the microscopic scratches.

The car violently screeched against the muddy pavement, and it looked as though we would have to bid this car goodbye until the figure hidden by the storm placed their hands out on the car roughly and forced it to a stop. The tires screamed in protest, and the metal groaned as it warped into the shape of the palms. I listened as it unnaturally bent again in a piercing moan as the figure fixed the indentions they’d created.

My windshield wipers swatted away a flood of water. Finally, I could make out my sister Rosalie, her hair dripping wet down her back like a supermodel who’d just emerged from a pool on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Her exquisite face was absolutely furious.

I gulped, feeling like a child who’d just been discovered sneaking home past curfew.

I felt uncertain as to what to do and why she’d chosen to stop me here. Surely she could wait for us to be under the cover of the garage before she chastised me. Not wanting to be drenched by the rain, I revved the engine to ask her to move aside, but the car didn’t inch forward against her strength. Beginning to feel annoyed, I revved the engine again loudly and for longer, but still, she didn’t move.

“Rose,” I hissed as I hit the brake again so that the car could roar viciously in the storm, only to be cut off by the voice of my adopted mother.

“Girls!” I couldn’t see Esme through the obscured glass behind the downpour, but even with the barrage of the rain, I could hear her lithe steps run furiously to the front porch. “Please!”

Rose’s head snapped up to look in Esme’s direction before turning to glance unhappily back at me. She stepped aside, and I sped into the garage, parking the car hastily.

I exited immediately and went to expect the damage to the front of the hood. It was only a minuscule bend from having been pushed and prodded back and forth, and I was positive Rosalie could make it look like new, though why it had been necessary to punish the car was beyond me. It wasn’t even mine.

I wheeled around once I’d heard the near-silent steps of her run, a wave of anger making me forget my guilt.

“Are you insane?!” I demanded.

“I could ask the same of you, Bella!” Now free from the obscurity of the rain, I could see in perfect detail the stunning fury of her glorious face. Her golden hair had been darkened by the rain, and it was slicked back effortlessly, like a glittering waterfall down to the middle of her back. She looked like a wrathful god, but I couldn’t find it in my stubbornness to care about how valid her anger may be.

“Okay, but did you have to take it out on the car? What did it ever do to you! You couldn’t have waited another twenty seconds to confront me? Well, you have my attention now, Rosalie, so say whatever it is you want to say!”

“You’re just unbelievable, Bella!”

“He’s not going to say anything, Rose! We already talked about this yesterday. You heard Alice! He’s not a threat to you and Emmett, so I don’t understand why you’re taking this so personally.”

“Exactly, Bella. I heard Alice. Which is precisely why I fail to understand as to why you wouldn’t understand why I’d take it so personally. After all these years of sisterhood, how can you not understand how I feel about this?”

I frowned, my forehead puckering, but still, I retained my anger. She huffed, continuing.

“If it was an inevitability, I’d understand. However, it hurts me deeply that you recognize the choice that you have. The choice that Edward has. And still, you’re willing to play with his mortality as though it were a game, when I never had that choice.”

I froze, the realization dawning on me that she was right. No matter the ways in which I tried to justify my actions or spin my intentions, she was right. Another part of my mind acknowledged that while I was aware of right and wrong, I wasn’t certain that what was right would be enough to keep me away anymore.

We stared each other down much like we had yesterday. Only today, rather than anger, her face was contorted in hurt, and mine was contorted in hopelessness.

“But… you found Emmett when he was still human…” I weakly protested, selfishly trying to highlight the irony, though I knew it was pointless as I wasn’t advocating for Edward to be changed either. That was too complicated a thought to wrap my mind around. But whatever may happen –– and I was still very much aware of the worst of possibilities –– I didn’t want my sister to hate me for it.

“He was dying, Bella,” Rosalie whispered. The anger on her face had completely faded, and in its place, pain marked her eyebrows, her full lips, her golden, sad eyes. In her sadness, she looked like a work of art, like one of those paintings of a weeping saint. “It’s not the same.”

I didn’t have a response to that, and I felt as though I was at an impasse, both with myself and with Rosalie. Because I knew the promises I’d made and broken, but I knew the promise I’d made to Edward today, and I had no willpower, no desire, and no intention to break that promise.

“You may not feel anything for him now,” Rosalie began, her eyes intently fierce as they bore into mine to warn me. Only this warning felt significantly more horrible than I’d imagined it may be, because it wasn’t made in anger, but in desperation and love. “But if Alice is right, you will. And it seems to me a horrible way to repay someone you love to steal their life, their future, their soul from them. You should leave him alone now while you still can, because once you love him… it’ll only hurt more one way or another. And you’ll have to live with that for the rest of your existence. I know I have.”

And with that, Rose turned, her face cold and sad, and she left the garage.