#also I apologize for the lighting but I am on holiday rn and not a single one of the lightswitches in this hostel want to work

[kitsunespawz]

Did somebody say detective AU?

I made these for @woseary fic 'A debt in Blood' for au fest that you should really, REALLY read - it's a detective/murder mystery AU with horseheadfarms and convex, I have been running up walls since I even hear the summary and it's so gooood!!

I made a big colorful piece for this really really cool scene in chapter 8, but that's spoilers, so unfortunately you gotta wait <3

[candraz]

🍀Echo🍀

The last drawing made in 2023! It took a long time to create but I am very happy with the final result and I think I will continue to explore this new style in the future 👁…

Sincere apologies for my absence, truth is my mental health isn't as great as I wish it'd be and treating myself is taking time but I finally see some progress. It's slow but I'm getting there 🍀 also the political situation in my country (France) is getting worse and worse, despite clearly not being the worst in the world, I'm pretty privilege really, it's still terrifying to see the rise of fashism and people close to me slowly becoming far right wingers... It's incredibly sad and I'm scared for the people it's directly attacking... That plus the genocides happening right now...

Also my financial and work situation isn't really good right now, I don't really know where we're going with my partner, hopefully we'll find a solution this year.

I'm sorry, this is getting long ahah I probably sound really depressing rn and I apologize for that, I just always feel safe here writting about my life and all... I love Tumblr for that and for the wonderful people I met here 💖 I'm clinging to hope and the happiness I can find in life and I hope you all are doing okay as well, especially in these terrifying times.

A happy new year to all 🎉 I hope you all had a good holiday and overall a good end of the year 💖 I wish everyone safety, kindness and love because you all deserve it 💖🍀I'm proud of myself and you all for being alive ! Life is tough and it's amazing to still be standing 🍀

For my part the festivities were exhausting but overall nice ! Like every year, I'm slowly recovering from the holiday season and I'm preparing a lot of things for this new year, a lot of projects and things that I've wanted to do for a long time which I hope will finally see the light of day 🍀

Love you all 💖 Cheers 🍻🎉✨!!

[intoomanyfandomstocount]

Bro there’s something so precious about Malleus and Yuu’s friendship that I think I can finally put into words now. (And it’s not just me projecting I swear hear me out.)

Almost every single interaction Yuu/Mc has with Malleus, has been when Yuu was vulnerable in some way. (At the time I’m writing this, episode 5 has been out for a while.) ep 5 spoilers!! (And the other chapters lol)

So their first meeting. In episode 2. Yuu just spent the day searching for the culprit behind the injuries to no avail. Not only that, they and their buddies got their asses handed to them I. Magift. They take a breather outside, feeling tired from the long day. They’re even pondering about whether or not they’ll be getting home. (It’s one of the dialogue options.)

And then boom, Malleus appears. He doesn’t do anything Expect be like, “crap my abandoned building’s no longer abandoned :(” but he does manage to distract Yuu from their thoughts, albeit unintentionally. Still, it was a strange encounter, which leaves Yuu curious for more.

Despite Ramshackle dorm technically no longer being abandoned, Malleus still visits it again in episode 3. Here, Yuu is even more vulnerable. They are completely alone, worried that they might become homeless because of their deal with Azul. Malleus appears. Yuu calls him by his strange nickname and Malleus laughs. Never expecting anyone to call him that. He asks Yuu what’s wrong. Yuu explains and he listens.

Malleus is worried, although I feel at this point is mainly more because he likes his abandoned buildings. He talks about gargoyles with Yuu. He originally didn’t have any other intentions other than he just liked talking about them. However, once again he managed to distract Yuu from falling to deep into their negative thoughts and unintentionally gave them advice.

After they get the dorm back, Yuu thanks Malleus for the advice, and Malleus is surprised because he never intended it to be advice. He’s surprised this little human managed to outsmart Azul, and is also surprised that he was helpful to them. I think this was the moment that Malleus started to see Yuu as his friend.

At the end of episode 4, he gives us a holiday card. Yuu isn’t vulnerable in this situation, however this was the only gift that they received over the holidays. (Unless you count crowleys feast). He signed the card M.D. He wants to get closer to Yuu, little by little. A part of him probably likes the secrecy of someone not even knowing who his true identity is. But he also wants to be closer with them.

And then episode 5, some of the best malleus x Yuu content we have rn. First off, again with the Malleus appears right when Yuu is about to spiral into negative/confusing thoughts. Before, Yuu was in their room, thinking about Mickey and the mirror. Maybe not negative, but certainly vulnerable to me. They look out the window and see small green lights that looks like fireflies. And they know. They simply know who it is and their first reaction is to go outside to see him.

At this point, Yuu and Malleus see each other as friends. Their presence is enough to cheer the other up (ik its hard to know yuus emotions but do you go out to see someone you hate in the cold of night? No) Malleus smiles when he sees Yuu. Yuu then gives Malleus the VDC ticket and asks if he would go with them.

This moment is huge. Mainly for Malleus. Yuu is one of the very few, if not only people who don’t treat him any different because of his title as prince. And even so, they’re probably the only person Malleus and consider an equal. He has Silver, Sebek and Lilia, and he definitely cares about them. By those relationships have a power dynamic of sorts. With Silver and Sebek serving Malleus, and with Lilia being a parental figure to Malleus. Yuu and Malleus doesn’t have any power dynamic, they are both equals when they are together.

And of course, Malleus barely gets invited to events such as these because everyone’s so intimidated by him. (For good reason but still.) Not to mention that he grew up isolated (see his Birthday SSR) and has grown used to being alone. And yet here is this human, fearlessly inviting him to a concert as a friend. He even asks if they’re performing and is disappointed when he finds out that they’re just the manager. I just find that cute.

And the next day, Lilia comes to Yuu to thank them for inviting them, because of how happy Malleus was. Just...imagine Malleus arriving at the dorms late, holding the VDC ticket in his hand. Sebek probably stayed up late to wait for him and began to scold him, you know Sebek being Sebek. And Malleus just calmly apologizes and goes to his room and Sebek is confusion because Malleus usually is like “you don’t need to complain sm about me, I’m fine” (it’s hard to describe it. He’s not bratty he just wants Sebek to chill lol) but Lilia sees this and noticed the ticket in Malleus’s hand and is like “ho ho ho” like the far dad he is.

That strayed into headcanon/fic territory I’m so sorry.

Anyways, back to canon. Malleus arriving at the VDC stage after the overblot fight. Again, Yuu is vulnerable in some way. In this way, they’re most likely tired from fighting ANOTHER overblot. And then they see Malleus, who arrived two hours earlier, probably bc they really wanted to see Yuu, and they’re so happy! And we know this bc one of the dialogue options is simply “Tsunotaro!” So we know that Yuu was definitely walking up to Malleus with a smile on their face without a care in the world. (And freaking everyone else)

Malleus and Yuu seem to have this ability to rid the presence of any negativity when they’re together. Their presence is enough to sooth each other. Not to mention that even after (finally) realizing Malleus’s true identity, they’re reaction was basically, “holy crap are you serious? Ok.” They are as chill as always.

Yuu is even worried that Malleus wouldn’t want them calling him by his nickname anymore (one of the dialogue options is “am I not allowed to call you Tsunotaro anymore?” But Malleus simply smiles and says “no it’s fine.”

It’s just...the fact that Malleus was most likely worried that Yuu would change the way they acted around Malleus, and that worried just went “poof” in a matter of seconds...it’s just so pure man.

Malleus and Yuu’s relationship really feels like two inexperienced people finding solace and discovering friendship with one another and the beauty that brings. Of course Yuu doesn’t really have a backstory (as they’re mainly there for the player to insert themselves in) and they have Ace, Deuce and friends that they definitely care about. However, this world is still new to them, and their relationships with Ace, Deuce and the other characters are also growing. And with Malleus, well, he’s completely new to friendship like this, and is still learning. He may be hundreds of years old, but he’s still considered a teenager in fae years. (Species age differently, like what that droid said in The Mandolorian)

In conclusion, whether you ship it platonically or romantically or you’re like Leona and hate Malleus’s guts, I want what Malleus and Yuu have. And I am both excited and terrified for what the future brings them.

[charlottedabookworm]

#31 - Extra Day! (Vestige)

so i was not expecting there to be a day 31 which is why this was written half on a train and half in a hotel room because i’m on holiday rn. anyway, when i heard about the extra prompt i had ideas that were far more angsty than this (aka the set meeting g’raha again scene) but my brain didn’t want to play ball with that and instead gave me this. this is less angsty but it still hurts from both povs because g’raha is hurting and set is also hurting and vestige is all set is seeing when he looks at him and hey it’s hurting both of them

this’ll be up on ao3 in a hot minute

He finds the Warrior of Light at the very edges of Silvertear lake, tucked away in a little hidden cove that is invisible from above as he stares out at the crystalised corpse of Migardsormr. The auri looks pensive, his eyes glowing fiercely in the bright light of the setting sun, and for a moment, he reconsiders. Is now truly the right time?

(Will he get another chance?)

Before he can talk himself out of this conversation yet again, G’raha drops to the sand on near-silent toes.

The Warrior tenses at his very presence.

G’raha frowns past the flash of hurt and steps over a rigid tail so that he can collapse at the waters edge beside the auri. His knees curl instinctively into his chest and he fixes his gaze out upon the water. “Have I done something to offend?” He asks, voice quiet as he tries not to let the vulnerability - the hurt - at the abject dismissal shine through. T’would not be the first time he had accidentally offended someone and he knows that his introduction to the Warrior had not put his best foot forwards but he had been so excited…

In the corner of his eye, he sees Set tense further still until he appears to be writ from stone.

He looks away; his question answered. “My apologies,” he rasps out lowly, already cursing himself. Still, this is the find of a lifetime and he cannot let his mistakes cost him his position on the dig. “I should not have been so childish-”

“No!”

This time, tis Raha who flinches, his head flying around to stare at the Warrior as his tail flares up in alarm behind him.

A vestige of something dark, something horribly broken, flickers across the man’s face before he closes his eyes. “No,” he repeats more quietly, an embarrassed flush plain upon his face. “You have not offended me.”

“There is no need to lie, Warrior,” G’raha laughs and it tastes bitter upon his tongue. “Rammbroes has made it quite clear that my actions were in poor taste; I should have simply introduced myself to you rather than forcing a challenge when you were simply completing your tasks.” Rammbroes had also made it quite clear that a part of the lecture was due to the complaints of the Warrior himself.

Yet, even as he watches, Set’s trail bristles in obvious offence. If the auri had fur instead of scales, he has no doubt it would be stood on its end. “I said nothing to Rammbroes,” he says after seemingly reading his mind, and his words are low and intense and angry. “I would have appreciated an introduction, aye, but your challenge… It hurt nothing and - please, do not tell my siblings this but I enjoyed it.” He glances away, his flush still high on his cheeks, and there is a shy smile twitching at his lips.

“You did?”

The smile blooms further. “T’was fun,” is all the auri says.

G’raha has to fight the urge to stare at him. “Then why-” he cuts himself off, forcing his gaze back to the water.

“Why..?” The question is gently probing in the same tone that he has heard directed at the Warrior’s siblings.

He swallows. “Sometimes- I feel, at times, as if we are friends and yet, at others… You seem to go out of your way to avoid me and, when you cannot, it is as if you see right past me. As if I am not even here and-”

A flinch.

A dark look flickers across Set’s face, full of something that G’raha cannot read in the second it is there before it is gone again, yet whatever it is has the Warrior looking at him.

Through him.

And then, away from him.

G’raha- perhaps he has assumed too much in regards to the possible friendship that exists between them. He unwinds his arms from his legs, his ears pressed flat against his skull in a movement he cannot prevent, and moves to stand.

“I apologise,” the Warrior, Set, says. 

He freezes in place as the auri turns to him and sees him.

“You- I-,” he stutters and his eyes are dark. “There is someone that I love very much and you- you very much remind me of him and it…”

Hurts.

The unspoken word echoes between them. He swallows, carefully considering, before lowering himself back to the sand.

“You must love him very much,” G’raha says softly, tentatively, and this time he is able to recognise the grief that lines the Warrior’s face. It leaves an earthy, bitter taste at the back of his nose.

“I do.” 

The words are so fierce, so loving, so devoted. No wonder he has been avoiding him if he is reminded of someone he loved so fiercely - someone he lost - by his presence. ”Will you tell me of him?” He finds himself asking, a little curious.

What was it between them that was so similar?

Set bites his lip and his eyes are still dark with grief and guilt (but Raha cannot blame him for grieving) and for a long moment, the silence stretches between them.

He opens his mouth to apologise again...

“...he accidentally pranked the twins once, after Alphi made one too many pointed comments and Ali just happened to get in the way and t’was like I blinked and the walls were purple and my hair was green…”

[caztiel]

All the botanical asks you haven’t got yet

lia that’s so many 😳 

lavender; soundcloud or vinyls?

soundcloud, i don’t have the money for vinyls, but if i had the money for them then vinyls 

primrose; what book does everyone right now need to read?

i can’t think of any lol 

lunar mist; do you like wearing other people’s shirts/jackets?

yeah

bird of paradise; what was the best thing that happened to you this month?

i hung out with my friends yesterday! also November 5th was incredibly funny

gardenia; what’s a promise you’ve recently made to yourself? 

i promised to be nicer to myself, and to exercise every day, and to get a job, and to write more

whirling butterflies; would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

have not kissed 

marmalade skies; do you plan your outfits? 

sort of? 

apricot drift; how do you feel right now? 

a bit tired! also a bit annoyed at the universe because I keep dropping and breaking things lmao (I dropped a glass lid everywhere and then kept stepping on glass as I was cleaning it, and then spilled water everywhere) 

everlasting daisy; what’s the last dream you remember having?

recurring apocalypse dream, I don’t remember the specifics 

queen’s cup; what are you craving right now?

chocolate 

lavender dream; turn ons/offs?

uhhhh i don’t like most perfume smells, or specific sudden loud noises

water lily; when was the last time you cried? why?

i cried a little bit yesterday when I was watching bly manor, but it wasn’t a full on cry

lily of the valley; did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize?

no, but I don’t expect one, i’ve moved on 

winterberry; do you bite or lick your ice cream?

both 

desert rose; do you like yourself?

a little bit more every day. two steps forward one step back 

snapdragon; have you ever met or seen in person a celebrity?

nope 

night owl; how many countries have you visited?

5, i think? excluding one flight layover  

heliotrope; have you ever been in a castle? 

yes! in Germany 

creams and sky; what’s the craziest/bravest thing you’ve done?

idk if i’ve done anything really 

lantana; what’s on your mind right now?

the mini nanowrimo i thought I would start, that I haven’t written anything for (10k words in two weeks) 

pumpkin patch; what’s your zodiac sign?

aquarius sun, sagittarius rising, scorpio moon

tulip; name 5 facts about yourself.

1. i love rollercoasters, 2. i love love, 3. i cut my hair the other day, 4. i overheat easily, 5. i am a bad actor 

daphne; do you believe in karma?

yep! even if not in a spiritual sense, I think that being kind can bring kindness back to you, and being cruel can bring cruelty back to you 

queen of the meadow; ever been in love? 

perhaps, but I might be wrong 

wisteria; whom do you admire and why?

someone I once knew, they are good at making boundaries 

angel’s face; what was your favorite bedtime story as a child?

i don’t remember 

remember me; did you make someone laugh today? 

hannibal played by mass mikkelsen 

lilac; if you could go back in time which time period would you visit?

hmmmm 1920s? 1980s? 

caramel kisses; would you want to live forever? why/why not? 

i would want to be immortal until I want to die. there’s so many things that I want to experience! but I don’t want to live FOREVER, that’s too long 

primula; what makes you sad?

a lot of things. there’s a lot to be sad about, especially this year

rain lily; was today typical? why/why not? 

it’s typical of the holidays, i’ve spent the morning watching netflix

queen anne’s lace; who do you trust the most?

damn idk that’s a loaded question. next 

forget me not; do you have any regrets looking back in your life?

yes lol many 

lunaria; what’s your favorite fictional universe? 

honestly? rise of the guardians 

violet; favorite tv show? 

doctor who is my favourite comfort show, but i have a lot of shows that i love like dghda and bly manor 

snowdrop; what does your ideal day look like?

visiting a theme park with someone i love, and then we have a picnic, maybe on the beach. it’s sunny and there’s a nice breeze. then we go for a drive along the coast and listen to music together. we get home and it starts storming so we hang out together and watch movies 

tiger lily; do you have any hobbies? 

knitting! i started a blanket in the Irish moss stitch :) i like writing too. i also like baking and cooking, and i sometimes pick up guitar and ukulele and duolingo. um also games. 

peony; share a small random book passage that means something to you. 

there’s a bit in the book thief by markus zusak where Death describes the colours of the sky 

tea rose; what’s something you always wanted to do but were too scared? 

can’t think of anything rn 

honeysuckle; do you usually date people your age or older/younger? 

i’ve only “dated” one person and they were my age. i’m not really into dating people older or younger 

love in the mist; best books you’ve ever read? 

i literally cannot remember and I'm too lazy to try and remember 

foxglove; who is your favorite cartoon character?

dr doofenshmirtz 

magnolia; coffee or tea?

both! i love coffee!! i also love tea!! i’m a multifaceted person 

crown imperial; would you rather be extremely rich or extremely loved?

extremely loved. but if i had a lot of money i could help a lot of people 

snowflake; are you a dog or a cat person? 

both! 

bell flower; what is your biggest addiction? 

don’t judge me lmao i am addicted to asmr, it makes my brain go brrrr

cosmos; do you ever think about the galaxy? 

all the time

moonflower; what’s your favorite color?

yellow, but also pink, and blue, and so many others 

freesia; do you have a good relationship with your parents and siblings? why/why not? 

yes, they always try to be good people. also i just generally get along with them 

poppy; have you ever dealt with a mental illness?

perhaps. i think so yeah. self diagnosed. i’ve gotten pretty good at dealing with it over the years 

clover; how would your friends describe you?

uhhhhhh idk quirky? 🤪 i don’t know. 

dandelion; do you consider yourself an extrovert or an introvert?

introvert, i’m good at spending a lot of time alone, and that’s how i recharge. but i still enjoy people’s presence. i think the words extrovert and introvert are uhhh misnomers? it’s like asking if you prefer the darkness or the brightness. there’s different shades of light on a spectrum 

lilly; what’s something you love watching/reading but you are too embarrassed to admit you do?

asmr but i’m only tentatively embarrassed 

anemone; describe yourself in 3 words.

weird, eclectic, trying 

lotus; best memory as a child?

can’t remember much, but i can remember that time i went on the green lantern rollercoaster at movie world like 4 times 

angelonia; what is your eye and hair color?

brown, dark brown/black 

dahlia; do you like crystals?

yeah, not really in jewellery (it tends to look a little tacky (not always!)) but i like crystals :) 

buttercup; if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?

stop overall suffering. it’s not one thing, it’s a series of things: war, poverty, food deserts, etc. um if i had to choose one i’d make it so that there’s a reliable source of water available to everyone 

baby’s breath; what’s your hogwarts house?

hufflepuff 

calendula; biggest pet peeve? 

people who have a very different sense of personal space to me and don’t respect mine 

blanker flower; would you rather go to a cocktail party with your best friends or stay home and read a book/watch a movie with your pet?

hm stay home? but also i want to hang out with my friends. i haven’t been to a cocktail party before with friends 

blazing star; share a secret.

scroll through my old blog, i’ve blurted a lot of secrets on there 

carnation; would you rather live longer or happier?

happier 

bluebell; do you wear glasses? 

nope

orchid; do you like exercise?

depends on your definition of “like”. I like the benefits, the after effects. if i’m walking, i like the time alone, and the time out in nature and on the street 

pansy; do you like poetry?

yes duh i’m a poet 

morning glory; any special talent that you have? 

adapting

botanical asks

[seblore]

everyday i wake up and you still havent posted your evermore rant </3

there u go boo 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

GDBDNSKDJHHDDNDS GIRL................ ok so i very cleverly avoided ranking folklore because every song REALLY HIT and the whole album was just SO.. SO.. yeah. i can however rank miss evermore. i dont want to compare the two album i do not get the point in that. both give off really different vibes. now what i will say is with folklore, AS AN ALBUM, it is just a master masterpiece. The songs flowed amazingly with each other and really held you close the entire first listen. at least thats what I felt like <3 with evermore however, the individual songs are OMG!!! THERE IS LITERALLY NO SONG I DONT LIKE FROM ANY OF THE TWO ALBUMS. but as an album on the first listen i did feel a bit disconnected from evermore which didnt happen to me with folklore. why i think that might’ve happened is BECAUSE taylor is just so brilliant m8.... the MASSIVE contrasting emotions between the songs was too much for my little brain to handle.

Ok so now that’s out of the way dhsjsk time for rankings :) i have no idea where im going to put each song im just going to make it up as we go <3 ill ALSO give you my fave lyrics from each if I remember it <333 (oh and also you’ll notice marjorie isnt here. im sorry but i never listened to it after the first listen because it hits a little too close to home and i dont want to unpack all of that now im sorry! it is a beautiful song)

14. Closure: she popped off <3 she really said dont treat me like a situation that needs to be handled 💃🤙💯 a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics HOWEVER its the first song i couldnt connect with thus it’s down here BUT I STILL WOULD LISTEN TO IT ON REPEAT THO... the last in my ranking but still fucks 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ thats taylor swift 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

13. long story short: i have never been in a relationship ever BUT GODDAMN ‘pushed from the precipice, clung to the nearest lips’ hdjsksksjjddjnBbdns jddd ubebs!:!?:?:$3&39383$hzjs WOAH.... and this bitch really summarized the full 2016 drama with long story short it was a bad time. HILARITY. yeah not much to say here tho this is just the ‘at least one mandatory song to shake your tits to on each ts album’ song of evermore <3 and always remember that if the shoe fits walk in it TILL YOUR HIGH HEELS BREAK WOOH ANDIFELLDOWNTHEPEDESTALRIGHTDOWNTHERA—

12: dorothea: making a lark of misery :D RENt free. i had to listen to ‘if youre tired of being known for who you know you know youll always know me’ 113 times to finally understand it tho 😐 some of us are stupid and illiterate have you ever thought about that miss swift???? anyways TINGTINGTINGINGINGING THE STARS IN YOUR EYES SHINED BRIGHTER IN TUPELO <33333 such an innocent feel good song I LOVE!!!!!

11. ivy: the goddamn here and the hush of mirrorball ARE THE REASON IM STILL ALIVE 😽 another lyrical masterclass <3 ‘id live and die for moments that we stole on begged and borrowed time’ IS2G!!!!!!!!!!! anyways what if you cheated on your husband with me and i cheated on my husband with you and my pain fit in the palm of your freezing hands 😳 JK JK 😅 unless...... 🤪😏 hdjsks yeah this song is magnificently cursed and i am in love with it 🧎‍♀️

10. tis the damn season: this song is august but the other side of the coin. august but four months later. AUGUST SLIPPED AWAY LIKE A BOTTLE OF WINE- THE HOLIDAYS LINGER LIKE A BAD PERFUMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... she sounds so pretty goshhh! ‘time flies messy as the mud on your truck tires NOW IM MISSING YOUR SMILE hear me out we could just ride around and the road not taken looks real good now’ is on repeat in my mind. and as always the bridge ::::::::::::::.............:::::::::::::: how does she do this everytime. ‘and wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles im faking’ 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ after every ts song i listen my expectations about true love grows exponentially and my chances of finding true love falls exponentially simultaneously ADIEU.

9. willow: she really took the invisible string quartet and put it in huh..................... FUCKED IN THE HEADDDDDDDDDDDDDD. what can i say <3 its just such a pretty song <3 hashtag gorgeous hashtag i cant say anything to its face. WRECK MY PLANS!!!!!! WRECK IT BITCH!!! ‘wait for the signal and ill meet you after dark’ LOVE STORY WHIPLASH. also mate i cant even focus on the song she looks SO GOOD in the music video i—

8. happiness: !!!! what can i say.... one of the best songs of the album hands down. lyrical masterpiece AND musically rich. she really logged into tumblr dot com and typed out ‘THERE’LL BE HAPPINESS AFTER YOU’ AND ‘THERE WAS HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF YOU’ ARE IDEAS THAT CAN COEXIST and logged off...... h8 her and her insanity. the one word i have to describe this song is: picturesque. tis a picturesque song <3 oh and dfbhhffcbhDDVHHTRSDVJK when i heard ‘i hope she’ll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you’ i audibly GASPED and then she says ‘no i didnt mean that sorry i cant see facts through all of my fury’................. i fell out of my chair. IT FELT LIKE AS IF SHE HEARD MY GASP AND TOLD ME SPECIFICALLY THAT NO SHE DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT... anyways yeah. ill write an article one day named THE SWIFT DECEPTION OF TAYLOR about how she keeps writing songs with deceptive titles and this will be the opening case 😈🤙 also the fact that this is one of my faves and i put it in number 8 says a lot......

7. evermore: i havent recovered from ‘motion capture. put me in a bad light’. i mean come on the whole goddamn song is a lyrical masterpiece. ‘writing letters addressed to the fire’. IS SHE OK!????????????? i think tf not. beautiful song beautiful arrangement. iver sounded really good too. and lol lol rofl WOOFWOOFbarkbark ‘HEY DECEMBER GUESS IM FEELING UNMOORED’ unmoored definition from google dot com: no longer attached. she doesn’t go back to december anymore. about2 faint oml. long story short: i did not survive. THIS PAIN WOULD BE FOR EVERMORE........ what i felt with this song is that she took the quarantine sadness we all felt at least once this year and made it into a masterpiece of a song. couldve been easily the top song on any album except this. no i will not elaborate <3

6. no body no crime: i cannot believe. she teased us with a musical number. this woman teased us with. a musical number. I THINK SHE IS WRITING A MUSICAL BUT I JUST CANT PROVE IT! when she wins that tony 16 years later call me prophetic xoxo. anyways yeah she literally wrote this to flex her storytelling abilities. send tweet 🐥

5. cowboy like me: YEEEHAWWW I’LL BE HONEST WITH YOU I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FULL SONG SOUNDS LIKE I JUST HAVE THE BRIDGE ON REPEAT!!!! OMFG!!! the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up. AAAA!! ??? STFU. IM NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THE LYRICS MATE THE WAY ITS SUNG!!!!!!! GUT WRENCHING! the best bridge she has ever written musically. i cant stop listening to it. REALLYYY DID BELIEEEVE I WAS THE ONEEE. STORIESSS ABOUT WHEEEN YOU PASSSEDDD THROUGHH TOWN. y e l l. and then she hits me with ‘now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon.’ L ???? M !!!!! A $$$$$ O “”””” i had to pause it and sit there for 10 minutes to take in what i had just heard. case closed critical hit sustained yeedhawd.

4. tolerate it: i cried. the only reason it’s not 1 is because it hurt me too much. WHAT THE FUCK YOU MF YOU ASSUME IM FINE BUT WYD IF I BREAK FREE AND LEAVE US IN THE RUINS???? TOOK THIS DAGGER IN ME AND REMOV— m8 this physically hurts me everytime. if its all in my head TELL ME RN. aghhh aRghhhhhhh. pain. and lol she broke down sleep to its bare essentials ‘breathing with your eyes closed’.

3. ??? coney island: i know it’s a bit of a controversial top three but WHO CARES 🕴this is solely here for ‘AND IM SITTING ON A BENCH IN CONEY ISLAND wondering where did my BABYy GO’ im shaking. my bed is shaking. my body is shaking. my pupils are shaking. THE WAY SHE SINGS IT OH MY GOODNESS ME i have to lie down gimme a sec. ‘and if this is the long haul howd we get here so soon 😟’ SCREAM. and when i was hearing it for the first time and she said ‘sorry for not making you my centerfold’ i was like yeah and?? so what?? and then she hits me with ‘over and over’...... so she didnt make him/her/them her centerfold over and over !!!!!!! she is sorry she didnt do it over and over!!!!!! mannn.... the chorus.. i shall not speak. i am held at gunpoint i CANNOT SPEAK. the bridge tho dhdnsksksjsb I CAN SPEAK AND I SHALL SPEAK. BITCH WENT OFFFFFFFF. <3 this is the apology she deserved from her exes which she never got so she wrote it herself. podium. grey skies. birthday cake. ACCIDENT. im laughingggggggggggg <///3 and yeah so overall it is a really yummy song with yummy vocals and yummy arrangement 9/10 would recommend. also!! life lessons kids life lessons. disappointments? SIMPLY CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PRETEND YOU DO NOT SEE IT YAAAAAAAAAS

2. gold rush: ETHEREAL!!!!!! The last time i felt like this™️ whilst listening to a song was with mirrorball <3 the production of this song omg omg omg LOVE 💃 but what propelled it to number two status was the ‘i dont like slow motion double vision in ROSE BLUSH/ i dont like that falling feels like flying till the BONE CRUSH’ imagine how fucked in the head a person needs to be to rhyme rose blush with bone crush. yeah i have nothing more to say really this song is extremely gorgeous and ‘eyes like sinking ships on water so inviting i almost jumped in’ / ‘walk past quick brush’ ?:!:!&:8483 F A V E <33333 and the transition transmission transfusion from ‘... gray old tea cuz itll never be ᵍˡᵉᵃᵃᵃᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʷⁱⁿᵏˡⁱⁿᵍᵍᵍᵍ’ MADAME

1. champagne problems: are we surprised? ARE WE REALLY SURPRISED? when listening to new albums i normally listen to it at one go in order. i stick to that rule. HOWEVER after many years of my solid album listening self made rule tm i finally broke and immediately replayed this mf song after listening to it once. ‘you had a speech, youre speechless/ love slipped beyond your reaches’???? stfu???? VILE. PUNISHABLE. DEROGATORY. and welp the entire bridge ...... .... ........... what can i say. And the parallels to miss all too well??? WHAT WAS THE REASON???? your SISTER splashed out on the bottle- left my scarf there at your SISTER’s house 😐 she’ll patch up your tapestry that i SHRED- maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you TORE it all up 😐 your MOM’s ring in your pocket- your MOTHER’s telling stories bout you on the tee ball team 😐 November flush and your FLANNEL cure- PLAID shirt days and nights when you made me your own 😐 wHAT A SHAME SHE IS FUCKED IN THE HEAD IS2G........... and also why would she not rhyme POCKET with LOCKET?????? why with wallet???????????? slant rhyme why????????????? AND THE NOTE THIS MF SONG ENDS ON..... FUCKED IN THE HEAD

THATS IT. i really sat here and did this for the past 2 hours huh...... hhdjsms anyways LONG STORY SHORT: I HATE ONE INSANE WOMAN AND HER NAME IS TAYLOR ALISON SWIFT. GODSPEEED 🏃‍♀️

[gumilac]

aki :(( why r u so precious like u literally make me light up inside wtf >:( 🤍 okay first of all tysm,, hope u have the best year ever kisses mwah I'm always keeping u in my thoughts and prayers <3 and 2. I'm am so so sorry for going MIA,, I'd been feeling very low energy,, esp since proper winters started where I live so seasonal depression yadda yadda and I felt like I just didn't have enough energy to hold a decent conversation ykwim? 😭 so I couldn't bring myself to text back anyone for a while 💔

PHEW ANYWAYS I'm currently watching bungou stray dogs and ALSO DEMON SLAYER SEASON 2‼️ anime and novels are the only thing keeping me company this holiday season since my family is out of town rn,, I miss my sister terribly but ehhh it's nice as an introvert to have the whole house to myself tbh hahah 🏃🏻‍♀️ how're your holidays going?!

AGAIN HAPPY NEW YEAR LOVE 🤍 gosh you've worked hard this year!! I'm so endlessly proud of you for seeing it till the end, hope you are too! give yourself a pat on the back <3 sending loads of good vibes your way 💗

- 🍙

BABYYYY HIII 🙈 GOSH GOSH FOSH THE WAY I JUMPED UPON SEEING YOUR ASK,,, first, please don't apologize for going MIA, it's nothing to apologize for and yes ikwym, i've actually experienced the low energy, not being able to text anyone and all for a while, so i relate to you on a personal level and that's okay!! it's okay to take time alone for yourself :> it comes and goes, no? what's important is that you see it through hehe

ACK BSD !! i started watched both demon slayer and BSD before but i stopped, got too lazy MSKAKAK,,, im excited for attack on titan tho 🙈 oH FUCK AND THE JJK 0 MOVIE TOO 😫 i need to see nanami and yuuta becomes a pirate

my holidays are fine~!! didn't really do much other than write, draw, and read the jjk manga,,, oh, i got drunk yesterday tho MHAJDLA during the new years eve uhh party? gosh golly it was my first time getting drunk it was so funny

[atlanxic]

ok so i actually have an extensive arc-v/zexal crossover university au that i’ve talked a lot about on my private twitter and on discord but i think it’s time to put it all on tumblr. i wanted to make this all one post but i actually feel like it’s too much for that? so here’s part one of..... five or so?

yuuto, shun, and ruri lived in the same apartment complex as children, theyve known each other literally forever.

in middle school, yuuto & shun both discover hardcore/punk music and spend a couple years being kind of awkward and terrible about it until high school hits and they kind of level out. ruri teases them a lot for liking that awful racket but eventually she gets into it too, mostly because her and shun are kind of inseparable for quite some time. the three of them go to the local shitty music venue just about every weekend. for the first year or so ruri insists shes going to keep them out of trouble but like i said, she gets more into the music after a while.

shun and yuuto both mosh, shun probably more frequently than yuuto. they show up to school with bruises pretty often and rumours are started that they get in fights a lot or that theyre involved in a gang. there are also rumours that theyre dating, which dont go over very well, and result in them getting in actual fist fights a couple times. they try dating for like... 3 months in grade 7, and then decide that its weird and they work better as friends.

yuuto wears his hair in a mohawk for about a year before switching to the spiky mess we know and love. towards the end of middle school, they meet kaito at a prog-rock concert, all four of them pressed against the front rails together kaito and yuuto hit it off immediately, and exchange phone numbers after the show. shun is immensely suspicious. they text a lot, and then they start hanging out, and then they start going out. shun threatens to beat kaito up, kaito is fine with it, yuuto is not. etc.

meanwhile, ruri and sayaka meet in class. it doesn't even occur to shun to be suspicious of her until he catches them making out. he yells about it, sayaka is understandably frightened. ruri tells him off for scaring her girlfriend. she stays angry at him for longer than she has before. he eventually gives in and apologizes to both of them, but in a kind of dickish way.

yuuto and kaito break up towards the beginning of 11th grade. neither of them are upset about it, they stay friends. it was mostly because kaito felt like he needed to focus more on school, now that he's getting into college prep-level courses. yuuto cries about it once, and it takes several hours to convince shun that violence would be neither appropriate nor helpful.

all four of them move to a different city for college. sayaka goes to school in the town they grew up in. her and ruri stay in touch, but after half a year they decide that the long distance thing isn't working out for them. they still hang out when ruri and shun go back for the holidays, and its fairly bittersweet.

yuuto shun & ruri dont realize that kaito is going to the same school as them until all four of them are present at a queer alliance meet & greet. shun glares at him across the room for a while before yuuto notices he's there and goes over to say hello like a decent person. yuuto and kaito immediately hit it off again. theyre both kind of "fuck you grew into yourself really well im Gay."

immm gonna say that in first year, yuuto & shun live in the dorms together. they eventually decide the res life is not for them but. apartment hunting when youre like 18 and moving out for the first time is a bit much, so dorms it is.

anyway, shun catches yuuto and kaito making out in their shared dormroom like 3 fucking days after the meet and greet. kaito's expression is one of fear and conveys that he knows full well that shun is 2 seconds from beating him up. yuuto is kinda pissed off about it. yuuto and shun have a long conversation that night about how protective shun is. they fall asleep in each other's arms.

kaito avoids them for a little while, but the next time they see him, shun makes a genuine apology. yuuto and kaito start dating again a few weeks later. ruri is surprised and delighted about it. ruri ends up dormed with rin in first year.

they get along reasonably well, but they dont get close until rin accidentally lets slip that she's gay, and then ruri is like "oh thank god, me too." the context is probably: that yuugo visits them like basically every other day, and is Really Obviously In Love with rin, and rin's affectionate with him, so ruri just kind of assumes theyre dating. and at one point is like, do you want me to go somewhere else so you guys can make out, i could hang out with my brother tonight its nbd. yuugo blushes bright red and is like aaaaa its not like that, like, exactly like he does in canon. and rin's like “lmao im gay. i mean. what.”

ruri probably ids as pan? but anyway, shes like "ohhhh cool me too.” they both kind of stare at each other while this new info sinks in, and then yuugo says something and the moment is broken.

this is still a bit before yuugo's gay crisis

[later, during yuugo's gay crisis about yuuya] [rin] yuugo you had a crush on a boy in /middle school/ [yuugo] no i didnt i had a crush on you [rin] you used to complain to me about how hot he was like every lunch break [yuugo] that doesn't mean anything? [rin] obviously it does? how are you only realizing this now

ruri discovers that rin's been wanting to go to queer alliance meetings but has been too shy about it, so she drags her along. and someone mistakes them for yuzu and selena. idk who it would be..... sawatari maybe?

sawatari is like, Flaming Gay, a legitimate twink despite iding as bi.

anyway theyre like, thats not us, youre mistaken, and sawatari, instead of fucking off, is like, "holy fuck you have to meet them, you look so much the same it's eery." sawatari drags them through the party for like 20 minutes before actually finding yuzu and selena, and he's like "look i told you."

and all four of them are kind of like "holy fuck???" they get a selfie together, its not very good because the lighting is terrible, and they spend the rest of the evening hanging out.

yuzu and selena had a class together and hit it off immediately, theyre already dating. theyre a bit surprised to learn that ruri and rin /aren't/ dating. rin blushes at the suggestion and gets raised eyebrows all around. the four of them become fast friends and start getting lunch together and studying together on a regular basis.

ruri and rin meet yuuya through them, and because yuuya is friends with Everyone, they become friends as well. which sets the stage for yuuya and yuugo meeting, and yuugo's consequent gay crisis.

shun, ruri, and yuuto as pakistani immigrants, they arrived when they were very very young but they get a lot of shit for it anyway, especially ruri, who wears a hijab.

i figure the commons would be mostly latinx/mixed. so like, yuugo, rin, and shinji are all latinx. i rlly like the concept of black crow with a bleached-orange hi-top fade and subtle freckles. yuuya, yuzu, and gongenzaka can pprrobably be white? dennis could be ethnically jewish & light-skinned. fusion dimension crew are mostly japanese, so sora, yuuri, and selena. i.. am not really sure about reiji? following the theme i guess white/japanese mixed. tsukikage is japenese & immigrated like within his memory rather than a few generations back, he's bilingual. jack is latino and white-passing.

i like the concept of shun as a veterinary student, partly because i think he'd follow his interest in birds if things hadn't gone horribly wrong and partly because i find the idea of this edgy asshole in scrubs really funny. yuuto takes social work and ends up with crow as a teacher. yuuya, dennis, sawatari, and sora are all drama majors. yuuri is in botany. reiji is a law major, as well as being on the debate team and the student council. he never fuckign sleeps. shun also joins the debate team, and they do Not get along, but since debate team is the yelling hobby anyway, thats fine. yuzu is in the music program. selena is in poli-sci. yuugo stays in engineering. i dont, know about the rest of everyone.

conceptually, this is a north-eastern reasonably liberal college town, featuring two colleges and a trade school. one college is for the arc v kids, the other one will eventually be populated with zexal kids when i get to know them. kaito starts in zexal school and transfers at the beginning of second year. everyone is in first year rn except reiji and tsukikage, who are in second year, and also are dorming together, and also are gay.

so now that thats all set up!! back to the plot!!

ruri and rin meeting yuzu and selena happens a couple weeks after ruri and sayaka break up. selena hears about it and is like, hey if you need a rebound i can hook you up with someone, and ruri is like. "i feel like itd be disrespectful to date someone else before im over sayaka, ill stay single for a while." she never actually completely gets over sayaka, but she does eventually get enough emotional distance to move on. every time she goes home for the holidays they have awkward not-quite-gay moments.

much like in sfu, sawatari is loaded and hosts house parties whenever his father is away on business trips.

once the 4 girls are hanging out on a regular basis, they all sort of get to know each other's orbital boys. like rin and ruri get introduced to yuuya and get to know sawatari better. yuuya's goal is to be friends with absolutely everyone, and they make good progress on it.

yuzu and selena get to meet yuugo. yuugo is starry-eyed at all four of them, but alas, they are all too gay for him. at one point selena slaps him in the face and he spends like the next two weeks thinking about it lmao

likewise, they all get to meet shun. shun immediately decides that he is going to protect all of them. rin finds it kind of cute, yuzu finds it kind of weird, selena is outright offended about it. they get along a lot better with yuuto, since yuuto is just, easier to get along with. he joins their lunch dates once in a while, as does yuuya.

selena and yuuri met in their high school gsa and relentlessly gossip about everyone they meet. selena introduces yuuri to the rest of the girls exactly once, it does not go well. probably kye gives them all backhanded compliments. shun hears about this from ruri later and decides that yuuri is his enemy.

the first time yuuya and yuugo meet, its because the girls have invited both of them to lunch. yuuya introduces themself with a firm handshake and a wink. yuuya flirts a bit throughout the meal, as they tend to do. yuzu tells yuugo after the fact like, "dont mind them, theyre always like that." yuugo tries not to think about it much.

the second time they meet is at one of sawatari's giant house parties. yuuya, being slightly inebriated, is even more flirtacious than usual. yuugo gets it into his head that this is some kind of challenge, and refuses to back down from yuuyas advances until theyre in a closet together and yuuyas hand is up his shirt.

the next gay he visits rin to have a gay crisis. ruri politely sees herself out so they can talk.

i want to say shun is having a similar crisis about having come very close to having a one night stand with reiji. not because it was gay but because he hates the guy.

rin is exasperated but understanding, she rubs yuugo's back and calls him a pathetic baby while he whines. by the end of their conversation, yuugo has accepted that he's bi, and additionally, that making out is Great and he should do more of it. rin is slightly worried and gives him a safe sex talk, he yells and covers his ears during the entire thing.

meanwhile, shun is like "i fucking hate that guy why was it so satisfying to bite him" and ruri is like "bro i love you but thats way tmi, please do not tell me about your sadistic hatesex kink or whatever the fuck it is youre trying to convey." yuuto, also present, is like "i cant believe you made out with that asshole, and you still have the nerve to get angry at basically anyone i kiss for no fucking reason." shun swears up and down that it will not happen again, and also says that he has already apologized several times for being possessive about both of them, please let him live it down.

(it absolutely does happen again.)

(the second time they actually do go all the way, it is the best sex of shun's life, and he's upset about it.)

[yuuto voice] you have a Problem, why cant you date someone decent and have vanilla sex like the rest of us

rin slowly develops a huge crush on ruri. when she tells yuugo about it, hes like "yeah she's really pretty i completely understand."

[iluvtv]

Mom Guilt

Since today I will be tackling the taboo topics of both guilt and remorse I may as well start with my own caveat; I apologize.

I'm going to do some mom-splaining here...

Recently I watched the first ten episodes of both I'm Sorry and I Feel Bad. Both shows are Momedies and in case you hadn't noticed I am far more fluent in the more ego-centric brand of SWF Humor. No matter, intrigued by these curiously similar premises and my general obsession with female comedic powerhouses (including the women behind these titles) I assumed I had nothing to lose (ten hours on the sofa aside).

In full disclosure, while Andrea Savage's I'm Sorry wasn't exactly a show I fell for immediately, the stellar cast and the unapologetically hilarious style of Savage's parenting was enough to keep me watching. A clever choice indeed, by the final episode of Season One I felt pure sadness that I had no more episodes to watch and apologetic that I hadn't immediately understood the show's intentions. While my earliest notes state I am impressed by the cast they also indicate confusion towards the uneven tone.  Or to be as authentic as Savage my actual notations read as such:

"So many snappy quips.

Cast is epic...

Hope show gets better.

RN all just parents talking shit"

As I struggled to grasp I'm Sorry I also started dabbling with I Feel Bad. A show I found so problematic that no matter which lens I looked through I just wound up feeling... well, bad.

My ability to embrace the intentions behind I'm Sorry was aided through Savage's interview on Dax Shepard's (wonderful) podcast Armchair Expert. Her voice allowed a clear point of reference, making it much easier to deduce the ambitions behind her creative portrayal of just how humorous motherhood is. 

The feminist credo she passes to her daughter doesn't hurt the show's hilarity either. Savage's offbeat parenting hacks towards inciting female power seemingly misfire, all the while actually breeding a totally self-actualized kid who will proudly push back on the agenda. Amelia patiently explains to her mother "Ariel doesn't need a voice because she is the prettiest."

Savage makes this whole process just so darn relatable.

So, maybe I am just an ignorant audience and I still don't get I Feel Bad. Maybe a few interviews and episodes later I'll be espousing this show as the sleeper hit I knew about all along. But for now, as a woman who very much does not "have it all" I couldn't help but feel insulted by I Feel Bad's beautiful, successful protagonist, Emet. This is a mom who spends each episode lamenting her inability to "do it all" while somehow managing to round off each half hour by achieving whatever seemed implausible earlier in the day. Along the way, her funny, nuclear (though, to be fair racially diverse) family, comedically (and again, to be fair, often judgmentally) applauds her missteps.

Somehow each episode lands like a small punch in the gut. By episode six I was pretty sure I was being Sheryl Sanberg'ed all over again.

Emet's successful gaming illustration job, sweet and loving husband, goofy dad, terribly hands-on mom and mostly self-sufficient children (we hardly ever even see the baby) is all just a little much. This is a working mom that makes leaning in look suspiciously like lying down.

So, is I Feel Bad actually the minority mother's manifesto it was built as or is it just another major female guilt trip?

Admittedly here, Savage's television alter-ego which is practically exclusively based in reality is a wildly talented and beautiful comedienne, married to a successful lawyer with a cute (if sometimes obnoxiously inconvenient) daughter. In spite of this the show somehow just doesn't feel overdone. Instead, her down to earth approach to life and incessant and often deprecating commentary induce both cringing and appreciative nodding. Even I understand her plight and I am a single woman living in a one bedroom apartment writing a blog for free.

Perhaps this can be attributed to the humor. Savage's commitment to every joke intrinsically carries this series.

Once I finished listening to her and Dax chat I was entirely smitten with this woman. She sees the world through satire tinged goggles, she is attracted to banter and surrounds both her work and home life with this ethic.

Realizing the comedians on her show were mostly improvising I embraced the occasional awkwardness in tone for all it was intended to be.

It is this constantly improving unrehearsed dialogue in which, I'm Sorry thrives. The show has a fabulously charming Curb your Enthusiasm feel but I suppose I need to quantify this statement.

I understand charming to mean Judith Light telling Andrea Savage to go fuck herself during a geriatric Zumba class when Savage (the youngest person in the room by some 20-odd years) requests to turn up the A/C. Or charming like when your newly not racist four-year-old daughter runs into the "grown-up" dinner party in blackface  (the very same exclusively invited guests who just discovered you probably peed on your hands to alleviate the "jalapeno burn" you acquired whilst preparing their guacamole) only to announce that she is "Fat Albert!" Charming like when your best friend gleefully squeals, "I'm just so excited to see what you have planned next! First piss guac, then blackface. Its probably going to be something antisemitic!" Charming like 7a at the fertility clinic watching men leave the waiting room one by one to go masturbate in a cup and appreciating the experience as nothing more than amazing content."It's kind of like the reverse walk of shame," Savage announces gaining hearty laughs from the other patients and causing her husband to shrink into his chair, muttering; "please don't engage the room."

This is the kind of parenting I can comprehend.

I'm Sorry features a team already skilled at doing improvisation with one another and while it does take a bit for both viewer and actor to fully grasp the unpredictable tone of a real-life mom, it's bumps and misses are a welcome side effect of both the show and actual motherhood.

This story focus' on the perils a funny mom who writes crass humor for a living might actually have to face. Her writing partner, Kyle (Jason Mantzoukas) wonders how she can go from "blow jobs to kindergarten" and her husband teases: "Moms aren't supposed to be funny. Don't you watch TV? Get more hairy and tired."

All teasing from loved ones aside, this show works because Andrea is not actually perfect. She explains in the first episode that she is "disgusting" and later acknowledges she is on an equal playing field with a woman she once accused of being a "garbage person".  These fallacies lead to a character who is both likable and entirely relatable; I too am struggling through a semi-charmed life with plenty to apologize for.

Most notable perhaps, is the final two scenes of season one when Savage accidentally changes her email signature to her favorite (just for laughs) porn picture of a girl biting a man's dick (this is a pic she utilizes as an ongoing gag in many different facets and even unwittingly exposes her four-year-old daughter to at one point in the season). Without realizing her mistake, she shoots off an email to the elite kindergarten her daughter was just accepted to, informing them how thrilled her family is to join the school next fall. Spoiler alert, the season ends with her begging for redemption.

But that's the thing, we don't know if she'll get it and if the Dean's face is any indication Amelia's future here looks highly doubtful.

And while this is an error perhaps enhanced for the comedic effect her apology does sound genuine. She hadn't quite meant for her humor to hurt her daughter's future, an intent likely all decent mom's can relate to

Far less avant-garde, I Feel Bad follows the mainstream sitcom throughline in which conflict is presented, dealt with and solved all in the matter of one episode. Personally, I have no problem with this tactic, designed of course to give us a fresh start each week. The problem here lies with the premise of the show. How badly can you really feel about an error which only takes 28 minutes with commercials to rectify? But what really grates at me here is that our protagonist hasn't so much as fixed her problem as she's found a grovely way to make it redeeming. If anything, it's more insulting that Emet’s cute creativeness has all but rendered her infallible.

For all the enjoyment of Andrea's apology-prompting endeavors (Amelia sharing the gossip of her mother's stretched out vagina to her pre-school chums. Andrea and her mother commiserating about being stuck in successful marriages all the while knowing they'd be at their very best as sexy widows), Emet’s missteps just prompt angst. She left me wondering if I was somehow failing at life. Why wasn't own annoying TV family rallying around my picturesque existence, rooting for me as I lamented my imperfections?

Case in point: during I Feel Bad's holiday episode Emet allegedly feels bad because her kids don't know about their own culture.

I say allegedly here because in actuality she displays zero remorse for her kids' minimal grasp on both Judaism and Hinduism. What Emet actually seems concerned with (as is true in almost every episode) is not her children's well-being but rather how she comes across to the world. In this particular episode, the person she is most concerned with impressing is her Mother in Law. She does this by hiding her own mother inside a Casino.

In some sort of off-beat coup Emet pays the Indian side of her family to silence through Paula Abdul tickets and a $300 credit card charge at CVS ("just imagine how long that receipt is?!" her husband laments)  and while admittedly this is a good hush approach if you ever are interested in buying my silence it's also kind of a not-so-cute, dare I say asshole move to try to embrace one culture by buying off another (sounds like some kind of ass-backward deal #45 might brag about).

All this is of little concern to Emet and her husband though. Instead, the mezuzah on the door, the brisket on the table and expensive Hannukah decorations in the yard are effective enough, causing one Grandma to swoon while the other returns with a carefully calculated revenge approach aimed at convincing her grandchildren (those kids we allegedly are all so worried about being culturally out of touch) that Diwali is the cooler holiday.

Shenanigans ensue.

The pageantry culminates in a backyard, multi-generational family paint war. Of course, everyone winds up laughing and bonding about Emet’s lies and oddly accept equal blame for her dishonesty, each adult copping to their own inability to raise a future generation to be more woke.

Now everyone is happy, they have created new (and obviously better) traditions and all the while the stereotypical old Jewish couple visiting Emet’s inlaws remain indoors blissfully unaware o the commotion, chatting amongst themselves about what a good brisket "the Indian woman has prepared."

And scene.

Did Emet really ever feel bad that her kids are cultural ignoramus'?

Absolutely not.

Can everyone get behind her scheming, lying and flagrant consumeristic overspending because she said she did? Absolutely.

And her family is colorful and happy. Problem solved, yay!

How bizarre.

I may live 1,000 lives and I will never get away with holiday mischief like this.

I'm Sorry but I can't help but Feel Bad.

And so I suppose now is the time to reflect on the actual difference between the two phrases from which each show hails its title.

Similar, sure but fundamentally, "I feel bad" and "I'm sorry" (not the television shows per se, though it does pertain here)  the actual implications behind these phrases are very, very different. If someone feels bad they crashed your car that somehow has an entirely different ring to it than they're sorry they crashed your car.

Karen R. Koenig a licensed psychotherapist I found online (the best place for psychobabble) explains the phenomenon as such:

“I’m sorry,” usually indicates that people feel regret or remorse for having caused pain: they wish they hadn’t done what they did...This mindset is different from someone feeling guilty. That is, people can feel momentarily badly that they did something wrong, but not regret it. The guilt comes from recognizing that what they did was wrong, but not from actually feeling sorry that it happened. Guilt often arises only because someone gets caught. My take is that most of the time, abusers experience momentary guilt, but little more."

If this doesn't prove I Feel Bad is just the gentle sit-com equivalent of gaslighting I'm not sure what does? I get enough of that noise when I read the news, thank you very much.

[syeu]

Moon / Rigel / Betelgeuse / Aldebaran / All Constellations / Black Eye Galaxy / Comet / Asteroid / Nebula / Pulsar / Supernova / Wormhole / Black Hole !

thank you sm! you’re an angel (my emoji keyboard is a glitched mess rn so imagine a lil angel emoji here and three different hearts)

gonna put this under a cut!

Moon: What are you currently studying/hope to study?

currently i’m studying molecular biology bc i luv it :B

Rigel: Have you ever gone on a rollercoaster?

yes! i live for them

Betelgeuse: What’s something you can never forget about?

the crushing weight of being Alive + needing to prove myself .. constantly.. + feeling hated

Aldebaran: What’s something you care desperately about?

i like biology a frightening amount but besides that, the environment and sj issues (particularly lgbt/racial discrimination + criminal justice system reform) .. i genuinely want the world to be a better place

Centaurus: Favourite holiday?

hm.. maybe... dia de los muertos and obon. i jus like holidays that celebrate our passed loved ones. i don’t really like many others lul

Orion: Favourite month?

february bc my birthday and i luv the cold when it’s not Too cold and i love the cheesy valentine’s day aesthetic

Cassiopeia: Favourite book?

oh man.. one flew over the cuckoo’s nest and GOOD OMENS for fiction, just mercy for nonfiction . i just started salvage the bones and it’s also very good

Delphinus: Favourite study?

science by far..anything in STEM really bc i hate myself

Hercules: Favourite instrument?

tuba, bass (upright and guitar), bassoon (ok apologies in advance bc..i am indecisive and can’t pick .. just one thing for these)

Gemini: Favourite song?

hhh lemme think .. i love mistress witch from mcclure and should’ve known better by sufjan, amor prohibido by selena, first love/late spring by mitski is #life-changing, only time will tell by asia bc it’s a classic, and lately ugly cherries by pwr bttm has been stuck in my head . so the end result is idk.

Pegasus: Favourite place to be?

i honestly .. cannot think of a place . im jus floating thru space. i like when i have my new heated blanket + my stereotypical chicanx swap meet blanket

Libra: Favourite colour?

i really like rust and indigo

Phoenix: Favourite thing to wear?

specifically, i have the cutest stripey pants and a light gray crop top .. it’s like a lot but it’s cute? but i like never wear it bc i feel self conscious in it. but more broadly, JACKETS and HOODIES/SWEATERS i can’t live without them

Aries: Favourite movie?

i luv every ghibli movie but esp spirited away and princess mononoke, JUNO, inside llewyn davis, little miss sunshine, chungking express, lilo & stitch .. ot but i wanna see the handmaiden and moonlight so bad

Cygnus: Favourite weather?

sunny drizzle like during summer in more tropical/humid areas

Hydra: Favourite sound?

raindrops on a window + crashing waves it’s so nice

Black Eye Galaxy: Do you believe in love at first sight?

i want 2 be corny and say yes but in reality, no. i believe in infatuation at first sight but i believe love is a constant commitment and a choice

Comet: What’s your big dream?

uhh getting 2 the point where i’m genuinely like, happy and succeeding

Asteroid: What does your dream life look like? 

i’m doing nuthing but playing vidya games and reading and working when i want to and i don’t have social media + am pretty/interesting and live in aruba

Nebula: If you could undo one thing in your life, what would it be?

not ever being abused .. particularly by one person

Pulsar: What do you hope to do in the next 10 years?

graduate .. find a job i guess ... get m*rried maybe still not sure .. be Well u know ..

Supernova: What’s one thing you want to do before you die?

i really would like to travel the world ! like i’d love to see family in mexico, brazil, and bosnia before i die, as well as see the northern lights :-)

Wormhole: What’s something you wish would happen, but know won’t?

i would like 2 be genetically engineered .. to be the ideal human..

Black Hole: What’s the last thing you want to see?

this is loike the most morbid question like last thing i see before i die? lmao uh.. i could say my loved ones but it’s late and all i can think of is that breaking bad song remix video. that wouldn’t be too bad

THANK YOU AGAIN! :+) *10 trillion heart and star emojis*

[newstfionline]

Blue Christmas: Churches acknowledge that the season of joy isn’t always joyous

By Adelle M. Banks, Religion News Service, December 18, 2017

WASHINGTON (RNS)--The church was festooned with a green wreath above the altar cross and rows of red and white poinsettias. But the lights were dim and the candles were ready, along with small packets of tissues placed strategically in each pew.

The Blue Christmas service at First Baptist Church of the City of Washington, D.C., was just what Charles Pugh, who worshipped alongside a couple of dozen others, needed that cold night in the nation’s capital.

Pugh, a Washington musician who visited the church for the special service, is estranged from his family.

“I miss my family very much and my father passed away a month and a half ago and I was unable to see him,” he said before the liturgy began.

The service was one of several events in the Washington area and many more across the country that have marked one of the longest nights of the year. They are acknowledgments that--despite the mall music and tinseled trees--the season can also be the darkest time of year for those who are grieving, no matter the source of their grief.

Pugh was the first to arrive for the Wednesday (Dec. 13) service. It featured gentle piano music, the opportunity to light a candle to commemorate his loss, and the offer of a private prayer with a member of the clergy.

“For many people who are feeling some kind of loss, Christmas can be the hardest season of all,” said the Rev. Julie Pennington-Russell, the church’s senior pastor, as she welcomed the attendees to the intimate gathering.

“You may not have felt very free to cry in front of other people in this season but this is one time and place where you may feel free to express yourself in any way that feels good to you.”

The people gathered, young and old, some sniffling, some stoic, and responded to a liturgy with the words, “Why am I so troubled? I will put my hope in God.” They sang “What Child is This?” and listened to a bass soloist’s rendition of “Sweet Little Jesus Boy.”

And they heard a testimony from the Rev. Paul Clark, a church consultant who recalled the death of his mother during the 1984 Christmas season and described the fresher grief of coping with his own recent diagnosis of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS.

“We’re all born to live, to love and to die,” he said. “Between the birth and the dying the question is what do we make of it?”

The service was held for the second year in a row at the church just blocks up 16th Street from the White House. Across North America, the tradition seems to have grown in the last couple of decades.

“We wanted to provide a safe, quiet space for people to grieve, remember and reflect without apologizing for their sadness,” said the Rev. Marci Pounders, associate rector of the church whose members had not only dealt with the death of relatives but divorce, infertility and job loss.

“People in grief often do not have the strength to ‘get over it,’ and ‘get in the Christmas Spirit.’”

At her church’s service, attendees ranged from a man who lost his mother-in-law and his job in the same month to a woman who had to put down her cat, her sole companion.

Some churches seek tangible ways for people to remember their loved ones. At the Dallas church, there was a “Table of Remembrance” in front of the altar rail where people could bring mementos of those they lost. Reid Temple Restoration Center, a Maryland counseling facility started by an African Methodist Episcopal congregation, featured a “Wall of Remembrance” where attendees could place photos of relatives during its recent “Celebration of Life, Love and Remembrance.”

D. Fredrica Brooks-Davis, executive director of the center, said the celebration featured gospel musicians, with a singer performing Kirk Franklin’s “My Life is in Your Hands” and liturgical dancers ending the program with “This is My Wish,” a song by The Walls Group that expresses the hope “that peace will find its way to every boy and girl.”

Participants were able to stand and name the person or persons they were remembering, whether they died recently or long ago.

“When people are standing and they see others standing with them and they turn their candles on, it brings about a sense of unity,” Brooks-Davis said of the event in which participants are provided battery-operated candles.

In an article on “Christmas Blues” in his “World Encyclopedia of Christmas,” author Gerry Bowler said reasons for the seasonal sadness--depicted in songs such as Elvis’ that begins “I’ll have a blue Christmas without you”--range from loss of a loved one to “resentment of the commercialism” of the season.

“My own little evangelical church here in Winnipeg has held such services for years--not at the regular worship time but on an evening during the Christmas season (and not necessarily on December 21, the longest night of the year, which some churches do),” he told RNS, in an email, of his Canadian congregation.

While Protestants tend to offer these events more often, Catholics have them too, including a Mass five years ago that reportedly attracted 300 people to a Louisville, Ky., church after the priest wrote a column in the archdiocesan paper about holiday grief that sparked a strong response.

The Rev. Andrew Menke, executive director of the U.S. Catholic bishops’ Secretariat of Divine Worship, said there’s no official Catholic liturgy for such a service, but some parishes have them.

“It would be up to a pastor to decide that there’s a need for something of this nature, and to decide on the best way to try to meet that need,” he said.

Beyond once-a-year-events close to Christmas, some churches start closer to Thanksgiving to offer support for members and visitors who are dreading the holidays.

Sam Hodges, executive producer of Church Initiative, said more than 8,000 churches have used “Surviving the Holidays” video resources offered by his ministry’s nonprofit GriefShare since 2008, with the number increasing by more than 80 percent since 2012.

Groups gather to watch the video and hear from evangelical leaders about how to cope with seasonal expectations, such as making tentative commitments to attend gatherings in case it turns out they’re not up to doing so at the last minute.

“That can make it easier for them to make a decision just not to go,” he said.

No matter what grief-related events people may attend before Christmas, clergy such as Pennington-Russell still make sure to let them know they’re also welcome at the Christmas Eve service where they’ll likely hear “Joy to the World.”

Pugh, who attended the Blue Christmas service at First Baptist and is Lutheran, said he wouldn’t rule out attending a more festive Christmas service too.

“I would because it reminds me of those happier times,” he said. “And I’m not one to be disgruntled and sad all the time.”