gumilac

[gumilac]

nothing more, nothing less

Kaz Brekker was acquainted with different monsters. Those wrapped in expensive silk and bathed in sickening perfume. Those who spouted beautiful lies, enticing unwitting men into their dens. Those with hands stained crimson, preying on children and fools alike. His reflection on a mirror.

But the green-eyed beast proved to be a terrifying match.

Or, Kaz gets jealous.

✦ kaz brekker x gn!reader | grishaverse

✦ tags: jealous kaz, lieutenant!reader, (kind of?) enemies to lovers, set sometime after the events of crooked kingdom

"Brekker."

"Darling," KAZ drawled without looking up at your arrival, his tone more mocking than affectionate. "You're two bells late. Do you have the—"

A roll of parchment zipped through the air, landing in the middle of his desk with startling accuracy and ruining the neatly arranged blueprints spread atop it.

"I told you to quit calling me that," you muttered darkly. "One of these days, I'll really cut off your tongue."

He huffed, concealing his amusement. He enjoyed calling you all sorts of endearments after discovering how easily they riled you up.

There are times when Kaz allowed himself to feel, to act, like a boy again. Reconcile with a distant past, one that echoed Jordie's voice and carried the smell of fresh grass.

This was one of them. Similar to a child, Kaz reveled in your attention. Regardless if they came as threats, insults, or downright disdain.

He'd swallow a bullet first than ever admit it, though.

"How terrifying," he said, unfazed, and made swift work of straightening out the floor plan you brought him.

Silence fell, interrupted only by the soft shuffling of papers. From the corner of his eye, he noticed you shifting your weight from one foot to the other.

Normally, Kaz would come up with some sort of excuse to make you stay, but it seemed that something was on your mind.

And so, he waited.

You cleared your throat. "Do you need anything else?"

No, but thank you. You did well. Please, get some rest, his thoughts supplied. He ignored them. Instead, he simply settled on, "No."

His movements stilled. The question was unusual, especially coming from you.

"Nothing more, nothing less," you had once told him, seated on the ledge of a stadwatch tower that overlooked Ketterdam's shores. He'd nodded in agreement back then, mesmerized by the early sunlight that caressed your face.

You lived by the old saying for as long as Kaz has known you. After all, when you grew up in the Barrel, you'd learned early on that acting out of the goodness of one's heart only left a person broken. Penniless. Or worse, dead.

As such, you weren't the type to seek additional assignments without an offer beforehand. The fact that you had gone out of your way to ask was... suspicious.

His eyes finally flicked to yours. He could never afford to look at you for too long, as it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to stop once he started.

He cocked his head to the side and searched your gaze. "Why?"

You blinked, clearly caught off guard. He rarely indulged you in idle conversation or pried into your affairs.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Because despite everything you've been through together, this was the nature of your relationship too. Neither of you tried to change it, even after every scar he unraveled and laid at your feet.

Even after numerous nights spent confined in his office, shoulders almost, but never brushing one another as you pored over schemes for hours.

Even after repeatedly saving each other's necks and during the intimate silences that followed when the adrenaline wore off. Moments taut with charged tension, heaving breaths, and unspoken truths.

"I've got plans," you explained rather cryptically.

"Plans? Has someone else hired you for a job? I hope you don't forget that you belong to—"

"No, someone asked me out on a date."

Me, insisted the voice in his head, rich with desperation. You belong to me.

Kaz scoffed in disbelief. "A date? In Ketterdam?"

Fear clawed its way up his throat, determined to make itself known. It warred with another emotion he was too proud to name.

This... feeling was absurd. Sentimental. Kaz was no stranger to loss.

The seas granted Inej her freedom. A new chapter awaited Jesper and Wylan. Nina stumbled upon a second chance at love. Matthias found peace.

Yet, deep down, each farewell left him a little more empty than the last.

You were bound to Ketterdam only by virtue of being the Dreg's sole lieutenant. In truth, nothing else was preventing you from leaving.

Leaving him.

After promoting you, a tiny seed of guilt buried itself in his cold, wretched heart when he realized he held you back. That he never gave you the opportunity to pursue your dreams. Your position forced you to assume several roles, to fill in the shoes the others had given up.

But his greed outweighed his guilt and Kaz was a selfish man indeed.

The mere idea that someone could whisk you away from him brought forth a hateful bitterness from within.

"Where is the unfortunate fellow taking you?" he asked, keeping his voice deceptively calm.

You narrowed your eyes, ignoring the jibe. "It's a quaint little bar called 'none of your business.'"

Nothing more, nothing less. The phrase taunted him now. The green-eyed monster inside him rattled his ribcage ferociously, driving him to boast.

He curled his fingers around the desk's edge tightly. "Funny. I run the entirety of the Barrel, and I don't recall an establishment operating under that name."

"I'll have you know that he actually owns the place he's bringing me to," you snapped defensively.

Good, good. More information.

"And how long have you known each other?"

You shrugged. "A few weeks."

The answer relieved him somewhat. His possessiveness ebbs, its rhythm steady, before it swelled again, rising with the current of his emotions. One should always be more sure of everything. He'd learned that the hard way.

"And he's aware of who you truly are?" Kaz pressed on. "Of what you do?"

There were only a handful of possibilities. The person could have ulterior motives for approaching you. It wasn't unlikely, considering your power was only second to his.

Perhaps it was a spiteful soul he'd wronged, plotting to take advantage of you and get revenge on him.

On the other hand, there was also a chance that they weren't privy to your true identity. He couldn't blame anyone for wanting you but it was common knowledge whispered in the streets that Kaz Brekker was a man unwilling to share.

Anyone who didn't heed that advice and went against it anyway was just recklessly bold. Or stupid. The Barrel never seemed to run out of those.

This time, you broke away from his gaze. "It doesn't matter." You sniffed, feigning indifference.

The person didn't know then, he surmised. You probably met him during one of your undercover assignments, disguised and masquerading around with an alias.

Sensing his disapproval, you attempted to defend your date-to-be by adding, "He's kind. Sweet. Honest."

Everything he was not. The words, sharp as glass, ripped him apart. Crushed him with an overwhelming weight of sorrow.

"It seems naive of you to form an impression of him in such a short amount of time," he said through gritted teeth.

Pretending as if he didn't care should have been easy for him. Right now, all his years of experience in perfecting that charade were useless.

You rolled your eyes. "Not everyone is cynical and distrusting of the world like you. People can be good, Brekker."

And you deserved everything good and more. Better people could love you, he knew.

Someone who would not flinch every time you drew near. Someone who would freely kiss away your every fear.

Kaz had survived gunshots. Knife wounds. Sickness, nightmares, and grief. But the very thought of someone else soaking in your warmth was an ache he could not bear.

He felt the words scorching his tongue, his demons voicing them with unbridled cruelty. "There is a difference between being cautious and acting like a love-sick fool!"

Your eyes widened in shock, hardening in anger a second later; then they softened with disappointment, and all Kaz could see was the reflection of himself, a frenzied animal. A blown fuse. Inhumanely hollow.

He opened his mouth to speak, beg for your forgiveness, but you had already turned and walked away.

"I'll come back when you aren't hissing at me like a wet cat," you said, slamming the door behind you.

Kaz clenched his gloved hands into aching fists and hung his head, trying not to think of how jealous the idea of another man made him.

He wasn't too late. Dealing with his emotions was uncharted territory for him but scheming came as effortlessly as he breathed.

Kaz never lost a fight and he wasn't about to start now. Even if he needed to play dirty. His greed outweighed his guilt and he wasn't called Dirtyhands for nothing.

"Brekker!"

Kaz had just finished speaking with another gang member, Roeder, when he heard the heavy stomp of your footsteps, followed by the frustrated yell of his name. You appeared on the stairway landing soon after, rage thundering in your wake.

"You're dismissed." Kaz waved to Roeder. His eyes shifted to you momentarily and cast Kaz a wary glance. Not wanting to get caught in the crossfire, he scurried off, slipping past the both of you.

Kaz began to ascend the stairs, you trailing behind him. He could sense that you were shooting daggers at the back of his head, probably cursing him out silently.

"You're back early," he finally said once you entered his office. He circled back to the same place you'd left him hours earlier and sat in his chair. "How'd the date go?"

You stormed closer, wedging yourself between him and the desk, stopping him from hiding behind the pretense of work.

"You know exactly how it went," you snarled.

In spite of your anger, you remembered to maintain your distance. Not once have you commented on his aversion to skin-to-skin contact, though he was certain you harbored your own questions.

"I'm afraid I don't, darling." He raised his chin to hold your gaze, his expression carefully blank. A tailored mask. "I wasn't there."

"You had him taken by the Dregs." The hurt on your face was unmistakable, enough for Kaz to feel a tad remorseful.

It was hardly sufficient, though. Screw righteousness, old habits die hard. "Ah, I had no idea he was your date," he lied again.

"Bullshit."

"But, what I do know is that he laundered money from our coffers and forced children into building the same tavern you were just in."

Kaz went over records of the jobs you'd accomplished in the last two months. After connecting the dots, he successfully identified your date and paid Roeder to look into his background. It was pure luck that the man was a merchant who managed to con Kaz's old boss.

Pulling the strings for his capture was practically child's play. Not that he'd ever tell you that.

Your fury dissipated, replaced by defeat that slumped your shoulders. "You were right," you said quietly, avoiding his eye once more. "I'm sorry."

Kaz rose from his chair and stepped forward. Taken by surprise, you backed away instinctively, only to find yourself trapped by the desk now digging into your hip.

"Let me make it up to you," he spoke with an unfamiliar softness. It almost sounded wrong.

You furrowed your brows in confusion. "What?"

"I ruined your evening. I could have ordered the others to seize him after you finished dinner."

But I didn't want him to walk you home. Wrap his coat around your shoulders. Kiss you goodnight at the Slat's doorstep. Kaz would've probably loaded his pistol at the sight. Broken every limb that touched you with his cane.

You snorted. "Okay. Are you going to give me whatever we steal next? Increase my cut?"

"No, although we can discuss it another time. I'm inviting you out on a date."

You blinked once. Twice. Slowly, you said, "Brekker, you ask someone out when you like them."

His lips pulled into the slightest frown, mildly impatient. "I know."

"You don't like me."

"Whoever put that silly idea in your head?"

"You did. You don't like anyone."

"I may not be the best at showing it, but you know that there are exceptions to that rule," he argued. "Especially when it comes to you."

He continued to lean over you, ignoring the pressure of panic beating against the walls of his chest from the proximity.

"You called me an idiot," you countered. You refused to move a muscle, most likely out of consideration for him, but he closed the distance himself.

He dipped his head further. "Again, I never said that."

"Fine," you conceded, sounding fond. "You implied that I was an idiot."

"I'll be kinder from now on," he promised. "I can try to be sweet, if you give me time and chance to learn. And I'm being honest right now."

Nothing he could do would ever atone for his sins. But although he was renowned as the Bastard of the Barrel, he was prepared to do it right by you.

Hesitantly, you raised a hand. Every inch of his flesh wanted to turn itself inside out, but every bone in his body yearned for your touch.

A quivering sigh escaped his throat as you reached for his cheek, your fingers warm and gentle on his skin.

He braced himself for the familiar scent of death. The ocean. He willed himself to focus on the details that made your face. The line of your jaw to your ear. The slope of your nose. The curve of your lips, hanging onto them as if his life depended on it.

It did, in a way.

"Your answer?" he rasped, suppressing a shiver.

You dragged your thumb against his skin in a delicate but paralyzingly manner and whispered, "I accept."

He had never been held with such tenderness before. Your touch made him feel like he was somewhere else, far from the memories that haunted him.

Growing concerned, you attempted to withdraw your hand but Kaz grasped your wrist before you fully could. He steadied himself with your pulse, each beat, each hymn, anchoring him to the present.

He was here. With you. In his office. Nothing in the world could hurt him.

Eventually, he slid his own gloved hand so that your palms pressed together. Your lashes fluttered and you asked, "Is this really happening? Are we really going on a date?"

He hummed in affirmation. "And I'll do it properly."

Seriously, who in their right mind would bring you to that side of Ketterdam? He took the sealed envelope containing your dinner reservation from inside his coat and handed it to you.

"Thank you." Your mouth curved into a shy smile. "And for the record... you don't have to be anything else other than yourself."

"Ruthless, callous, and dishonest cheat?" His voice held a hint of insecurity, betraying his attempted nonchalance. It was a question hauled from the inner depths of his soul, the boy inside him who wondered if he could ever be worthy of love.

"You forgot insufferable," you teased, although your earnest gaze belied the lightness of your tone. He knew you could see right through him. "But, yes. Just you, Kaz. Nothing more. Nothing less."

At that moment, Kaz knew you would be his salvation and destruction. You could shatter his heart and every single piece would still cry out for your name.

He squeezed your hand. Soon, he'll make you, and everyone else in the Barrel, realize that he had no intentions of ever letting you go.

✦ byeol’s notes: new year, new fandom ?!

✦ reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated! thank you so, so much in advance! <3

[gumilac]

Akiiiii I’ve missed you :(((((( how have you been sweetheart?

HAIIIII LEM DARLINGG <33 i've missed u too!! i haven't been as active lately :pp i open the app and close it after like a minute of scrolling HAHAHAHA,, but i've been doing okay! thank you for asking >>_<<

life's been pretty okay and i'm doing great! nothing really new going on w me other than that i have a crush 😳 and he's really cute,, HAHAHAH SORRI I BRING HIM UP EVERY CHANCE I GET ITS KINDA A BAD HABIT,, but yeah!

what about youu, how have you been? i hope you're doing okay <3

[gumilac]

glad to hear!!

ooh that sounds super interesting, the concept is something i’d definitely read :0

i got a book recently called ‘a good girl’s guide to murder’, i’ve been trying to find it everywhere and finally got a copy at an airport bookstore 😭

oooo!! i've been hearing that too and i wanna try it out, but i haven't seen any physical copies too so yeah >>_<< they say it's a good book

[gumilac]

megumi day yay!! its the birthday of the loml <33

[gumilac]

i’m glad to hear you have more time on your hands now!! please make sure to get a lot of rest and relax 🫶🏻🫶🏻

i’m doing great! i’ve been catching up with shows and reading new books, but i’m in a reading slump right now 😔

and i’d love to catch up soon! hope you have an amazing day hehe

yapyapp! thankyouu, ive been resting a lot lately hehe since it's the holidays so that's great!

OMG!!! i forget i have tbr's 🥲 but, i've started a new book recently which is "when breath becomes air," and it's amazing,, it's a neurosurgeon facing cancer and how he's gonna live his life now, all in all its great, the writing's amazing <33

have an amazing day too darling! mwa! <33

[gumilac]

AKII HELLO ITS BEEN A WHILE

HOW ARE YOUU

HI RES DARLINGG!!! IT'S BEEN SOOOO LONG I ADMIT,, i'm doing great thankyou thankyou! was really busy the past few months and i was often burntout but, since it's finally the holidays i get to visit tumblr more often now! :>

what about you, how's it been going for you??

[gumilac]

HI ITS BEEN SO LONG I LOVE YOU MWA

HI SAMMIIEEE!! I KNOW I'VE BEEN GONE FOR A VEEERY LONG TIME,, but i'm back at least for the holidays! idk if i'll be writing but yeah it's good to be back here <33

how have you been darling??

[gumilac]

i cosplay lucy from cyberpunk edgerunners, yor from spy x family, hutao from genshin ANDDD yumeko from kakegurui

and aki reminds me of this cat pic i found yesterday HAHAHAHAHAH

but yeahhhhh what about youuu? anything new youve been trying to work on or hows your life out of tumblr? id love to catch up with what youre doing -`♡´-

omg! those are such good cosplays, i'm sure you looked amazing in all of them <3

WHAHAHSKAMAH NO BC I DO LOOK LIKE THAT SOMETIMES 🥹🥹🥹 school is kicking my ass but, i get to rest for a month now before it all happens again

i've been doing great lately! met the nicest guy this year and yeah >>_<< i like him a lot HAHAHAJSJA + i also celebrated my birthday recently yay! i've been trying out dancing again actually and i'm finally catching up with my tbr list

other than that i'm greaat hihi, this year has been pretty amazing <33

[gumilac]

i listened to the song rec and went "oh this sounds familiar!" which is always so nice when listening to music [:

what a lovely song! i am not sure where i heard it (probably instagram or tiktok) but so nice to listen to!

i see heart stopper content sometimes and wonder if i should watch or read it but then i forget oops

ive been doing good thank you for asking! just very busy but still vibing :D

oooo!! its her pretty famous song atm on instagram and tiktok, so that's pretty cool if you've heard it going around

heartstopper's amazing! if you have time you should definitely give it a try, the representation is just *chefs kiss* anything unlike you've seen in other shows <33 or maybe i'm biased HAHAHAHA

glad to hear you're doing okay! make sure to take breaks even if you're busy, alright? mwa sending you lots of support and kithes

[gumilac]

I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOUUU;

so,,,,, im a COSPLAYER NOWWW!!!!!!!! today i actually just attended an event (just got home, rly exhausted) :DDD

ITS SO MUCH FUNNN AND I HAVE,,,,, A LOVING BF WHO SUPPORTS ME NOW!! WOWIE I GET BITCHES???? LMAOO and and and and im already working on a csm fic 🤯🤯 gonna post it sometime around this week bc,, im lazy BAHAHAHAHA BUT YEAHHH ITS BEEN GREAT AND IM HAPPY TO BE BACK!!!!

OH WOW!!! that's so amazingg, do you mind if i asked who you cosplay? waaah i'd love to know that's so exciting <33

OH WOW AGAIN–!! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU, I'M GLAD YOUR BF'S SUPPORTIVE!!! as he should be 😤 but, that's amazing,, ofc you pull bitches! HAHAHAHAH i mean you're vv sweet and who wouldn't love you

ooooo i haven't gotten around to watching csm but, i've heard it's good! so far who caught my eye is aki (people say he's like megumi 😳) i call him onion top tho HAHAHAHA

IT'S GREAT TO HAVE YOU BACK ON HERE,, glad life has been treating you well mwamwa!

[gumilac]

aki how are you!! any new song recommends? or shows youve been watching or plan to watch? o:

hiii darling!! i'm doing great, thank you for asking! i've been in a really good mood, the past few months has been one of the best :>

hmm, my current obsession of a song right now is "you just didn't like me that much" by leanna firestone <33 it's amazing a bomber the song of the year leanna my no.1,, i reccomend you listen to it, if you haven't!

since i'll have a lot of time on my hands, i plan to rewatch my favorite childhood movies,, just binge watch all my faves :> OH—!!! OH MY GOD heartstopper season 2 yes.

that is my lifeline, i need it NOW netflix,, i've been super excited for that ever since they announced that they'll be making a season 2 and they've recently just finished wrapping it up so! super excitinggg!!! definitely looking forward to that

how about you darling, how have you been?

[gumilac]

*boo*

AHAHAHAHA HIIII ITS ME SEN I REDOWNLOADED TUMBLR AFTER A LONG TIME EHEHEHEJDJDJ

big news: might start posting again 🤯🤯🤯🤯 BUT YEAHHH HI AKI HOW R UUUUUUU

HAIII BABYYY!!! OMG I'M SOSO SOOO GLAD TO SEE YOU AGAIN 🥺🥺🥺

i'm doing great, thank you! had the best day yesterday, lots of things happened but mostly good stuff :> so yeah! i'm in a really great mood lately

that sounds amazing, i hope i'll be able to stay active enough to read some of them! i mean, christmas break is around the corner,, i can't wait to see what you write, pretty sure it'll be good already!! <33

sending all my love and kithes mwamwa! how have you been??

[gumilac]

it's 6am 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️ i shouldn't even be awake yet for 2 more hours,, e KNEE ways my exams are finally over and i think i'll be more active on here (hopefully ... i keep saying that and dip) + my birthday's around the corner! so yesyesyess :>

anyone want to interact with me? i do miss talking to you guys :<

[gumilac]

coming on here to say that ... hello, i'm alive HDHSHHAA i wish i'll be active during the holidays?? :< i'll try!! and since twitter's going down? i figured i can switch back here 👀

e KNEE ways~!! my crush is adorable and he's so sweet i'm gonna sob + we have selfies together and he's like my closest friend and he always has my back 🥹🥹🥹

[gumilac]

I MISSED INTERACTING WITH U HERE AKSJAAJA

ME TOOOO AAAHHH WE'VE BOTH BEEN SO BUSY LATELY SIGHS >>_<< I HOPE YOU'RE DOING OKAY

[gumilac]

HI GUYS IM STILL ALIVE DW I MISS YOU ALL MWAH OKAY BYE THATS IT

[gumilac]

hi aki i loooove you<333 i hope youre doing well sweetie<33

hii sammy babyy <33 thank you for checking in on me ☹️🤍 i'm doing well aaaa!! just been very busy >>_<< mwah mwah i love you too, i hope you're doing great as well!!